#SO DUMB

[rockpapertheodore]

Bad hyucking joke

Did you hear about the baby frog who had genetics indicating he was ~10% Polish?

He was only a tad Pole.

[wanderedaimlessly]

Posting art i've done and posted on Twitter, for posterity sake. I really like drawing Cyn in different stupid ways. God couldn't make me hate her.

[cafecxonmilk]

And they were rommates...

[asmodeauxx]

woah tranny guitar player alert,,,

[magicratfingers]

lol silent film style

“Say, come here often?”

“You think you’re fucking better than me??”

[haventseensun]

couldn’t get this stupid idea out of my head

[qqueenofhades]

Do you think the House Republicans will actually go through with a government shutdown next month? Like I kinda hope they do bc everyone would blame them and Trump, but surely, SURELY, they must realise it's a bad idea?!?

Let's check in and see how it's goi--

Hmm. Yeah. Seems to be going great. The clown car is in total control and will absolutely not be dumb enough to stumble into a shutdown. Please proceed, gentlemen.

[secretlovelygarden]

G*wynriels/ E*luciens today

[h3wi]

"how to get your crush to like you back in 3 easy steps"

or: dan heng likes you. march knows.

dan heng x f!reader. pining fools and idiots in love. march is close to having a metaphorical heart attack. cliche shoujo stuff.

"you have a crush on her."

"i absolutely do not."

march fixes dan heng with an unimpressed gaze. "you are literally so obvious, don't even try and deny it again."

obvious? he's obvious? dan heng tries not to panic. in a poor attempt to salvage the unsalvageable, he says, lamely, "...i don't know what you're talking about."

graciously preserving the little dignity he has left, march ignores him. she claps him on the shoulder sympathetically. "don't worry, i'm a pro wingwoman. i accept payment in the form of desserts."

dan heng's right eye twitches.

1. show interest in their interests, pay attention to them.

that's easy, he thinks to himself. he always pays attention to you, it comes naturally to him. he knows how you prefer your coffee with a dash of milk and honey, not too sweet. he knows how you always start books but rarely ever finish them unless they were "really good and checked all my boxes!" and could go on thesis-worthy rants about your favourite ones. he knows how you like to keep succulents on your table and give them all ridiculous names like "king coin of doge land" and "a rad little guy".

so easy, in fact, that he feels the most confident he's ever been as he strides across the room over to you. you’re fiddling with something, looking vaguely nervous as you talk to march.

"good morning." he greets, eyeing the newest project you seem to be occupied with in your hands. a crotchet dragon, how nice. he knows exactly how to keep the conversation going now—

"what's cookin', good lookin'?"

his brain short circuits.

what is he supposed to say to that? were you flirting? does he flirt back? was it just a phrase? what's cooking-?

"but i'm not on cooking duty today."

dan heng watches your face freeze in confusion. his face feels like stone. to the side, march looks like she’s about to strangle him.

"...uh huh."

an awkward silence hangs in the air. dan heng wishes he was a statue.

— a failure, cut your losses and move on.

2. compliment something they’ve put effort into.

“please elaborate.”

“say something you like about her.” march takes a bite of her parfait (courtesy of dan heng), “but it has to be something she put conscious thought into. it shows that you notice the little things, and it makes her feel good about herself which makes her feel good about you. bam! two birds with one stone.”

dan heng only feels more confused. “but i like everything about her.”

even with the sweet treat in her mouth, march looks like she tasted something sour.

“so do i compliment her on everything i can think of?”

“no, no. you-“ march heaves a sigh, “pick one. just one.”

when he sees you in the archive room, he notices the now completed crotchet dragon in your hand. he decides that this is the perfect time to redeem himself.

“it’s well-made. i like the teal colour.” he says, and mentally congratulates himself for not messing up right off the bat (again).

“thank you, it’s, um, actually supposed to be the dragon you summon.”

“oh.” dan heng’s mind had been so occupied with march’s plans and you that he didn’t even make the connection. he feels just a little stupid.

“…and it’s for you.”

“oh.” a gift from you? and it was made exclusively to represent him, with hours of effort? he is in shock.

he must have taken too long to answer, because you notice the hesitation. flushing with embarrassment, you say “it’s a little much, huh? sorry.”

dan heng doesn’t manage to get a word in (because he would love to have the crotchet dragon, thank you very much!) before you scurry out the door. it clicks as it shuts, his outstretched hand reaching for nothing but air.

— i don’t want to call you a dumbass, but you’re kind of being a dumbass.

3. find time alone with them.

“i’ll help you with this one. but when you’re alone with her, you’re on your own.” march looks mildly concerned, “…will you be ok?”

“of course.” he says, and it’s merely bravado.

“right, well, i managed to convince mr. yang, miss himeko, and pom pom to visit this café with me—you’re paying, of course—it’s a rare opportunity so make full use of it, ‘kay?”

alone on the express. with you. no one else. no big deal, he tries to convince himself.

they keyword is ‘tries’, of course.

when the time comes, he gathers all the courage he has and, hopefully nonchalantly, asks you to watch a movie with him with a mini projector march had lent him beforehand. you agree, and it’s the first hurdle cleared. no mishaps so far.

“i’ll make you coffee, the way you like it.” he offers, and feels a flutter in his chest when you smile. if he could, he would bottle the feeling you gave him up and ration it throughout the rest of his life.

“i would love that.”

he gets to work, prepping the sugar and honey as he waits for the water to boil. the conversation between the two of you comes easily, as if the recent incidents didn’t happen at all, and dan heng feels the familiar serenity that comes from being in your presence. it was quiet save for your conversation, and the backdrop of stars outside the train seemed to be even more mesmerising than usual.

but of course, not everything goes according to plan.

the astral express, which had been sailing through the stars so smoothly, lurches from sudden turbulence. you bump against the kettle when you try to stabilise yourself and knock it over. boiling water spills all over the counter and onto the floor.

“watch out!”

not wanting you to be scalded, he grabs your arm and tries to push you away with his back towards the spillage. but his foot steps on the water and he slips, falling forward.

the two of you land on the floor in a heap, inches away from the spill. pure reflexes allow him to minimise the impact of your head meeting the floor by using his other hand as a cushion. he thinks he has bruised his knuckles. he has sprained his wrist.

the thought of the compromising position doesn’t even cross either of your minds. you crawl out from underneath him, and, perceptive as ever, notice when he rubs his wrist and winces.

“dan heng! are you ok?” you fuss over him, hands flitting over his wrist. dan heng feels like he would have enjoyed the attention more if he wasn’t so disappointed that his plans were disrupted. it had been going so well, he mourns. he watches as your back disappears around the corner with promises of finding the first aid kit.

it’s hard for the previous tranquil atmosphere to come back when you obviously felt bad about his wrist (even thought he assured you it was alright and not to worry), and his plans were derailed. the both of you work together to clean up the mess, which took some time, and try to enjoy the movie, but the momentum was lost.

— …

“what do you mean all my plans went bust? i worked so hard to convince pom pom to come with me!” march looks at you in horror.

“i don’t know! i thought you said you were a pro at this! i tried the pick-up line, i tried giving him a gift, and i even spent time alone with him, nothing worked! am I just inept at this love thing?” you shake her by the shoulders, tears of frustration on the edge of falling. march could only feel wronged.

“oh my god. you’re both idiots.”

[looceyloo]

some super quick designs of my two cats as D&D characters! Maia would absolutely be a Bard of Eloquence, she is so vocal. Grey is a Way of Shadow monk

also, cat tax:

[virginbandliker]

House after the first bang

[superbellsubways]

brownie

[jays---wing]

i thought long and hard on this

[crazlee]

Why do such stupid teases get to me

Shit like “kitchy Kitchy coo” or “I’m gonna getcha” literally make me blush and break down into giggles

It’s not even fair

[magicratfingers]