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becausegraf · 3 days ago

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Oh man, I love this analysis :)

Here be some thoughts this prodded out of me, about where Stolas and Blitz are at individually and as a romantic pair~

Spoiler alert:

This chaper of their story is not about their romance at all.

I very much appreciate that they're giving these two the time for the shock to settle, knowing that the whole situation is the result of Stolas' hand being forced and not something either of them maneuvered them into on purpose. As much as 'oh how neat we get the chance to get to know each other better and connect now' is the outcome, that's where the circumstances pushed them, and not something they decided they wanted.

Without the whole court debacle and a life-or-death situation they made it through alive but not without consequences, we don't know if they would have re-established contact to give this another shot already, or ever.

Ever since The Full Moon, Stolas' feelings have shifted from yearning and adoration for a version of Blitz that simply isn't the real deal, to the conflicted messy pile-up of being hurt and offended and disappointed and full of doubts about himself, while still very much caring a lot about 'this idiot'. He's gotten burned, he's gotten the ice cold shower, and he'll never be able to just go back to the way he used to view and feel about Blitz. He shouldn't, either.

Blitz isn't unchanged, either. He's finally opened his eyes to how his hissy fits and shots-fired do more than just keep people at a distance - he really causes pain to people whose main mistake was to reach over to pet a feral cat, meaning him no harm, and getting the claws. Blitz can act like a massive raging jerkass, and he's eagerly avoided truly registering the fall-out of his actions, but *he doesn't get any joy out of seeing people hurt and upset*. He's been self-absorbed, not sadistic.

It felt right to me, that Sinsmas didn't insist on dragging the two of them into a mushy dreamy tale of how fortunate they are to have each other, and how their close connection in and of itself is some kind of salvation.

That's a soap opera. That's oversimplified fiction. That's untethered from the reality that they're two guys with a complicated history and a lot that they don't know or understand about each other, and haven't even made up their mind about where they're at with each other now. Stolas was at a point where he'd withdrawn after Blitz pretty much broke his heart, shattered the illusion, and then yo-yoed rapidly between 'fuck you, I'm pissed off and unwilling to treat you with even basic respect' and 'fuck I take it all back, tis me who is the mess inside and I do want you to be okay'.

Stolas is taking a careful risk in giving Blitz a chance to do things differently, a chance to demonstrate that he can be trusted after all. A friend who occasionally kicks your emotional shit in, no matter what kind of issues cause them to behave that way, *is not a friend*. Stolas got the claws, and now he's, in a sense, 'doing the stupid thing' and allowing this feral beastie to come in close and beg for pets again.

Granted, the choice to try is more easily made given that he has nowhere else to go. He does need support right now, and Blitz and his crew didn't hesitate to offer it. They're making the best out of a bad situation, but Stolas' primary directive is to *simply get through this somehow*. He has other more dire worries. Blitz is fine - his daughter isn't.

His complicated fussy 'ex' is proving himself to be a mostly reliable and supportive friend, and that's far more relevant right now than having the 'are we ~together and in love~ or not' conversation. They'd never even had a regular casual honest open conversation before all this, and they've had their hands full with just stumbling through practical matters without annoying each other.

That they can coexist and not make each other miserable is already a huge deal! Plenty of prospective partners and close friends might find that the person they like spending time with isn't that easy to 'dance the dance' of daily life with at all. It takes patience and giving an earnest fuck about trying to accommodate each other without being overly demanding or making yourself uncomfortable. It takes at least somewhat letting your guard down and allowing someone else to see you as the person you are 'when no-one's looking'.

(Granted, Blitz is used to keeping certain aspects of himself pretty self-contained. He's let some of his feelings spill on Loona but he's also lived with her for somewhere North of 5 years if I got the timeline deets correct, *and* with her he's supposed to mind her needs more than she needs to bother herself with his, he's the parent after all.)

I guess, in short, I entirely expect Stolas and Blitz to have a pile of hurdles and conflicting emotions and needs to sort through about their relationship right now. They have beef with themselves and with each other that's gonna have to get resolved rather than pushed aside, and so far, they've (understandably) prioritised the basics over troubleshooting themselves and the romance between them.

To have a song skim completely over this not-so-fluffy reality would do the narrative a disservice, and I'm happy that the final version's song acknowledges the exhausting melancholy Stolas is steeped in so gently and compassionately. Our bird's having a real damn hard time of it, and although nobody can wave a wand and fix it for him or tell him what to do, at least he has people around him that stay near and welcome him and are willing to shepherd him around a bit. They're not letting him just drop off the face of the earth and wither, and honestly...

I think that's actually a first for him, too.

Whether he realises it or not, the biggest change for him isn't that he 'moved in with his sort-of-boyfriend', it's that he is no longer an isolated father left to raise a daughter without support - he's part of a family where people, despite it all, care a lot and are there for each other when it matters.

It'll sink in eventually, I'm sure. He has no clue what he was missing out on in the first place! Intimacy and romance has been his idea of 'where love happens', and that's what he'd been yearning for.

It's an amusing parallel with Blitz: 'I've never had a friend I didn't want to fuck/date'.

Blitz was his first friend - his first *puppy crush*. His daughter is not someone to bond with on a level of equal emotional give-and-take, a child shouldn't be their parent's emotional support.

His mother? Not a damn clue where she's been. His father? Absent. His caretakers? Subordinate and distanced. Stella's been at best 'around' and at worst an active detriment to be near.

This owl has been *painfully alone*, and that loneliness isn't being soothed by 'being with Blitz' specifically. It's becoming a part of 'Blitz and his family and friends' and being adopted just the way he is, by people that all together will care about him, and that Stolas can care about in turn without risking getting his soul crushed again.

wait, i don't understand, can u please if u want explain why they scrapped the "Stolitz Montage" song?

Yeah, I can explain! I actually have a lot of thoughts about these songs.

For context, at the beginning of Sinsmas, a song called Day By Day plays in the background while Blitz and Stolas run errands. Originally, a different song (untitled, so Sam Haft—the composer—unofficially called it Stolitz Montage) was going to play during these scenes, but they ended up scrapping it. I mentioned in the tags of a different post that I understood why they'd made this decision.

If you don't want to keep reading, my TL;DR is that I believe the tone and mood of Stolitz Montage doesn't fit Stolas' emotional journey in Sinsmas as well as Day By Day does.

If you do want to read my full personal analysis, keep reading below the cut!

(Note: I'm going to focus on the songs' lyrics, because I'm not knowledgeable enough about music to analyse the musical aspect of the songs. If anyone else wants to add their thoughts in that regard, be my guest!)

Let's start by taking a look at the lyrics of the scrapped song, Stolitz Montage:

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So you're having a bad time

You're stressing and everything all seems much so

You've been having a sad time

And your family probably hates your fucking guts so

The song starts by describing Stolas' situation and emotional state in the days following the trial: he is sad and overwhelmed, everything feels like "too much", and his family probably hates him.

It's pretty clear from the get-go that they wanted a song for this montage that conveyed Stolas' struggle to adapt to life as a commoner, away from everything he's known, and having gone cold turkey on his depression meds (the lack of which is emphasised visually throughout the song).

The song is also in second person: Stolas isn't him, or me, he's you. This is something both songs have in common. It keeps the song at a slight emotional distance from Stolas. Whereas a first-person song would make the feelings too personal—would make Stolas too aware of his own struggle—and a third-person song wound be too distant, the second person allows Stolas to be only passively aware of his emotional state. He's not the one singing; he's the one being sung about. What he's feeling is being pointed out to him by an external, seemingly omniscient voice.

The song continues:

Ooooh-oh oooh ooh

I know you feel it too

You lost your way

And just can't fake it for another day

It's hard to take it

Just pretend you're gonna be okay

Here is where I think the tone of the song starts to deviate from what they wanted to convey in this montage.

At first glance, this is a continuation of the previous verses, and mostly expands on Stolas' emotional state: "it's hard to take it"; "you lost your way".

The key difference is that the lyrical voice now plays an actual role in that emotional state.

First, it states that it shares Stolas' feelings ("I know you feel it too"—implying that Stolas isn't the only one who feels this way). Thus, the lyrical voice starts shifting into an active character within the scene. And not any kind of character—one that can relate to Stolas and, more importantly, one that can offer some comfort.

Then, there's the line "just pretend you're gonna be okay". Now, I see two possible interpretations for this line. It can either be a piece of advice for Stolas (hey, I know it's hard, but just pretend), or another description of his struggle, a continuation of the previous line: "(it's hard to) just pretend you're gonna be okay". Personally, I lean slightly towards the former interpretation, especially because the lyrical voice's intention to offer comfort and advice becomes clearer in the next line of the song:

You're not okay and that's okay

This is where the focus of the song shifts fully towards a hopeful, even optimistic view of Stolas' situation.

Now, I get where they were going with this. "It's okay to not be okay" is a very powerful thing to say to someone who's struggling with mental illness and hard life circumstances, and it's one Stolas badly needs to hear.

In fact, it is a message that is conveyed to Stolas multiple times throughout the episode. By Blitz. Not through words, of course—but through actions. In the montage itself, as well as throughout the rest of the episode, Blitz constantly stands by Stolas' side, offers him company and comfort, meets him where he's at emotionally, doesn't pressure him to be okay, and (especially at the end in their apartment) gives room for Stolas' sadness and grief to exist. He hugs Stolas, puts his hands on Stolas' arms, and opens up emotionally about his own sister, and those are all ways of showing Stolas that it's okay that Stolas isn't okay.

But here's the thing. The knowledge that it's okay to not be okay is Blitz's, not Stolas'. That is Blitz's emotional state, not Stolas'. Stolas doesn't know it's okay to not be okay, and even though Blitz keeps conveying this message to him, he's not able to hear it just yet. Not this early in his descent to rock bottom.

In fact, learning that it's okay to not be okay is a journey that Stolas only begins at the end of the episode. By then, Stolas still isn't okay, but he begins to come to terms with the fact that that's alright. And he does this by allowing Blitz to sit in silence with him, to dance with him, to pry a laugh from him, to hold him without any expectations of being held back. The final scene of the episode is all about them both being okay even though Stolas isn't. We see this in the fact that Stolas lets himself stay in Blitz's arms, going as far as closing his eyes. He's there. He's finally in the moment. He's finally allowing the "not okay" feelings in his body to just be.

The Stolitz Montage song ends with:

You put one foot in front of the other

Then you take it day by day

Knowing you got nothing

You still got each other

Ooooh-oh oooh ooh

Again, most of these lines do match Stolas' emotional state. In fact, the notion of just living life one day at a time, just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, is very representative of what a depressive episode can and does feel like.

But, in the very last line, the song shifts right back to a reassuring tone: "you still got each other".

Now, not only does the hopeful, optimistic sentiment of this line belong—once again—to Blitz's emotional state, it also goes directly against what the emotional arc of the episode aims to achieve.

Sinsmas isn't about them having each other—Sinsmas is about Stolas having Blitz.

It takes him all episode to realise this, too. At the beginning, when the montage takes place, Stolas is just going through the motions. As stated above, he's just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other—he's fully on survival mode. During the fight with Andrealphus, Stolas is shocked that Blitz came to save him, that he risked his life. That is the moment Stolas begins to truly comprehend that he can lean on Blitz. And then, after they get home, he slowly continues to learn it, as explained above. By the end of the episode, he's only just starting to allow himself to lean emotionally on Blitz.

And significantly, Blitz doesn't lean on Stolas. Because he's at a very different part of his own character arc, and he already had his opportunity to lean emotionally on those around him with Millie in Ghostfuckers, and to a lesser extent, with all his employees during their mission on Sinsmas.

Blitz has gone through enough pain, character growth, and healing to both understand exactly where Stolas is at, and be able to meet him there and be a rock for Stolas to lean on.

So the reason that line—that last line, positioned strategically to drive home its message that it's all gonna be okay—doesn't work for the montage is twofold. Firstly, because Stolas isn't ready to see that he has Blitz. Secondly, because it is now Blitz's turn to give comfort without needing to receive it in exchange.

And, if we take a look at the whole song, the reason it doesn't work for the scene is because it doesn't meet Stolas where he's at. The song says, "yes, you're sad, but—" and shifts to optimism. It doesn't fully allow Stolas to simply not be okay. To not be there yet. It doesn't fully allow his depression to just suck. The feelings of sadness and overwhelmingness are shadowed by a positivity and hope that belong to Blitz, and not Stolas.

Let's now take a look at Day By Day, and at which ideas from the original song were kept, which ones were changed, how, and why it works:

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Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You take it day by day

You got everything that you had thought you wanted

But you still feel so blue

And you don't know what to do

Right off the bat, the lyrics are very similar in tone to the ones at the beginning of Stolitz Montage. Once again, a lyrical voice in the second person describes Stolas' emotional state: he's blue (sad), he's taking it day by day.

But there's already a change. "You have everything you thought you wanted, but you still feel so blue".

The fact that Stolas had always wanted a life with Blitz is something the previous song doesn't touch on whatsoever. And it matters, because "what Stolas thought he wanted" is a central part of his arc in the episode. It comes back during his breakdown at the office: "and I did it for what?! These stupid, foolish fantasies?" And it comes back again when Blitz saves him from Andrealphus, and when Blitz dances with him and their eyes meet afterwards.

As stated above, this is the episode where it dawns on Stolas that he has Blitz. But he isn't there yet at the beginning of the episode, and so he still believes what he and Blitz had was just a fantasy of his. And because he's never had anything with Blitz that wasn't a fantasy, because fantasy is all he knows, he doesn't immediately know what to do with the real thing. With the domesticity, and the errands. He doesn't recognise the signs Blitz is sending his way that he's got Blitz to lean on.

These two lines are also important because they bring forth another aspect of depression that the previous song doesn't: that love doesn't cure depression, or make it magically go away. That going cold turkey on your meds and having a massive depressive episode is going to suck no matter how many good things you have in this life, because depression is a biological process, not a state of mind. Depression takes away your ability to find joy in things that used to bring you it. It takes away your feelings, your energy, your strength.

Notice that Stolas doesn't seem apathetic or hollow inside on the night of the trial and the morning after. Yes, he's had his title and power stripped, he's been physically assaulted in the street, and yes, he's worried about Octavia. Obviously, he shows signs of being dissociated, and he's exhausted. But, emotionally, he's still hanging on. He still thanks Blitz for everything, and he talks to Blitz in the morning, and smiles when Blitz offers to get him rats. Before the effects of going cold turkey on his meds start to kick in, he's grateful to be around Blitz.

It's during the montage, as the days go by, that he starts feeling blue. Because depression is very quickly taking away the joy he found in Blitz's company.

And that's why, even in the first few lines, this song conveys Stolas' state of mind so much better than the previous one. Because while the message in Stolitz Montage was "yes, you're sad, but—", the message in Day By Day is "yes, you should be happy, but."

It lets the sad win over the happy. It lets depression take Stolas down with it, it lets him feel helpless and lost. "You still feel so blue, and you don't know what to do."

The song continues:

You're sitting at the end of the rainbow, but the pain grows

And you can't help let the strain show

'Cause what else are you to do?

These lines emphasise the ideas presented in the previous ones: that Stolas should be happy, but he isn't. That the pain that has planted itself in Stolas is growing. So much so that he can't help but let it show.

Stolas' helplessness, his slow descent into misery, are given the room to exist. Everything around him seems fine, but he's not fine. And he's not told that it's okay to not be fine. Because this is Stolas' emotional state we're exploring, and for him, it's not okay to not be fine right now. He's too busy going through the motions to grant himself that kind of mercy.

The song finishes:

Keep it calm, life goes on, and on, and on

Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong

So why do I still feel this way?

Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

You take it day by day

And, much like in the previous song, we get a small hint of what could be interpreted either as advice/reassurance from the lyrical voice, or as Stolas actively telling himself to pretend to be okay. "keep it calm, life goes on, nothing's wrong". In this case, though, I lean towards the latter interpretation for a very simple reason: the next line shifts to first person. "So why do I still feel this way?"

And that's the thing: once again, the hope and calm he's trying to make himself feel are immediately overpowered by his feelings of sadness. Once again, it's the sadness that wins over, and not the happiness. His depression is given room to drag him down, take him slowly towards rock bottom.

And once again, the last line—at least the last one before the chorus is repeated—is used to drive home the message of the song. But this time, the message is that, despite it all, despite having what he wanted, despite sitting at the end of the rainbow, despite trying to convince himself he's okay, he still feels sad. Because that's what depression does. No matter how many good things you have in your life, it drags you down.

And that message, in that last line, is delivered in the form of a question. "Why do I still feel this way?" This matters for two reasons. The first one is that it shows that Stolas isn't (fully) aware of what's happening to him. He obviously knows he needs his meds, he knows he should be taking them. We see him reach out for them. But he is also living his emotions, and not just experiencing them from the outside. And as the emotions take over, he loses perspective of where they come from, too caught up in how they're drowning him.

The second reason this matters is because the song and the lyrical voice don't offer Stolas answers.

In Stolitz Montage, Stolas gets an answer to his struggle: that, ultimately, [Blitz and Stolas] still got each other.

But in Day By Day, all Stolas gets are questions. What else are you to do? Why do I still feel this way?

Day By Day meets Stolas where he's at during the days leading up to Sinsmas after the trial. It allows for these questions to exist without an answer; it lets the answers come later in the episode. It lets his journey through the episode play out, allowing him to learn that he has Blitz, that he needs his meds, and that he has to be okay with the fact that things are not okay.

By the end of the episode, he can acknowledge that he made his choices and has to deal with the consequences. He starts to understand Blitz is by his side, willing to help him through this. That his relationship with Blitz might not feel like he thought it would, because he's too mentally ill and heart-broken to be there—but that they still have each other, they still love each other, and they'll be okay.

But during the montage, he's not there yet, and it wouldn't make sense for the song to be there, either.

So, yes, as cute and optimistic as Stolitz Montage is, and as glad as I am they released it anyways for us to enjoy, I believe the writers made the right decision by scrapping it for the episode.

If you read this far, thank you for your time! Please treat yourself to a glass of water for me, and feel free to share your thoughts ❤️

#helluva boss #blitzo #stolas #stolitz #sinsmas

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