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feliks-grayscayl · 1 year ago

Text

some ninjago fic recommendations i have

I've been writing down ninjago fics on ao3 in my notes app and i might as well post them here. there is about 75 of them as of now idk

i will be adding as i read

NO LLORUMI OR LLOYD X NINJA

some of these you'll need an ao3 acc to access

‌"Meet Again" by northpen - Zane and Cole can't die. They can be killed but not die of natural causes. 3000 years into the future they meet their friends again [this fic left me in shambles for a few days in the best way possible] (https://archiveofourown.org/works/12308709/chapters/27981705…)

‌"The Grass is Always Greener" by Sunnylighter - pre-tea Lloyd switches places with post-movie Lloyd, now show!ninja and movie!Lloyd have to find a way to the movieverse; a lot of references to different media along the way (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18779539/chapters/44553559…)

‌"If you could date any of the ninja, which one would you date?" by Pyr0_Kat - movieverse pre-movie, the exact question gets asked during a class (https://archiveofourown.org/works/13661316#main…)

‌"Green Empathy" by Nation_Ustria - movieverse 3 oneshots series pre-movie and pre identities reveal, Lloyd Garmadon is both the Green Ninja and the most hated person in Ninjago City and also an empath (https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178393)

"Visionary" by K1ngtok1 - the ninja are forced to see, spectate the events that blocked their Full Potentials. They talk it out (https://archiveofourown.org/works/38732838/chapters/96844887…)

"Those Linked By Destiny" by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 - movieverse, how the ninja met even before they were ninja (https://archiveofourown.org/works/26303986/chapters/64045669…)

"Unfamiliar With What's Not Mine" by AlexaAffect - after Tomorrow's Tea Lloyd feels like his body isn't his anymore. Kai helps him see it is; brotherly feels (https://archiveofourown.org/works/37520761)

"An Impromptu Little Brother" by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 - set in s1, Kai decides to become lil Lloyd's big brother (https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238865)

"A Strange Bet" by ilovelegendsalot - the ninja make the bet that whoever finds out the samurai x's identity is the Green Ninja. While staying at the Bounty with Nya, Lloyd starts to notice a few things (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15715200)

‌"The Sun Rises Every Single Night" by Fabro-de-omres (Fabro) - time travel, post s6 Lloyd lands in s2 time (https://archiveofourown.org/works/28530306/chapters/69911859…)

"Ruler From Another Realm" by CyberSearcher -Nice Ice Emperor AU, when Zane lands in the Never Realm he doesn't immediately find and try to repair the mech, instead he finds a village (https://archiveofourown.org/works/23239126/chapters/55643689…)

‌"Land Of The Living" and "Shores of Restless Souls" by CaptainBrookeworm - Morro is brought back to life by a scientist using Lloyd's energy; eventual cousins vibes; Morro redemption with Lloyd and the team (https://archiveofourown.org/series/2524495)

‌"Prodigal Prince" by TeuthidaRegina - movie verse au, Lloyd lives with his father. Has hybrid features but can shift into a human form. As Lloyd he's a feared warlord in the making, son of Garmadon. As Green he's Ninjago's greatest hero and protector. (https://archiveofourown.org/works/41470281/chapters/103999554…)

‌"Reference Letters" by Fabro-de-omres (Fabro) - movieverse pre-movie - Kai is tasked by Green to find someone who could join the Ninja Force. He thinks Lloyd is a perfect candidate (https://archiveofourown.org/works/41823636)

"You Give Me The Strength I Need (To Cry)" by fruitcasket & "And there you were" by Cherry_dynamite - we touch on Lloyd's trauma and him seeing Kai as a father figure (https://archiveofourown.org/works/35553694/chapters/88633630…) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/39483225/chapters/98822580…)

"Secret Flame" by ObsessedBee - college au, no powers, everyone is human, lavashipping getting together; **warning for sexual themes** (https://archiveofourown.org/works/31559843/chapters/78080618…)

"Fear and Loathing" by ObsessedBee - series of one shots to "Secret Flame", the main 7's problems, bad habits and traumas and them sorta dealing with them; **mind the warnings** (https://archiveofourown.org/works/38156269/chapters/95323741…)

"Just a Little Bit Before" by Evil_Potato Ninja - Morro is back as a ghost before s1 and finds lil Lloyd living on the streets; green cousins (https://archiveofourown.org/works/44882287/chapters/112927045…)

"forget-me-not" by lloydenthusiast - greenflowershipping one shot, after 10 years they meet again (https://archiveofourown.org/works/45058972)

‌"marigold" by lloydenthusiast - greenflowershipping, probably post crystalized, Lloyd struggles with a lot, he and Brad meet by accident. They both struggle with a lot; **mind the warnings** (https://archiveofourown.org/works/45814168/chapters/115296334…)

‌"Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die" by BumblebeeEnby - Morro centric, eventual citrusshipping, he's brought back but literally into his own skeleton; Morro redemption (https://archiveofourown.org/works/29320173/chapters/72007536…)

"Taking Shape, Letting Go" by BumblebeeEnby - set after "Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die", having discovered his dragoni origin Lloyd's body starts suddenly changing (https://archiveofourown.org/works/46434775)

"Way of the 21st century ninja", sequel "Born to be a 21st century ninja" and other works in series "The Surprising Life of Jesse Marvel" and "Legacy Sidestories" by weekend-whip (nightbreakers) - all are mix of show and movie verses, canon rewrite with attention to a lot of minor things and very interesting concepts expanded upon, Jesse is an oc however he fits into the story amazingly (https://archiveofourown.org/works/28742124/chapters/70476210…) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/34013053/chapters/84598372…) (https://archiveofourown.org/series/2946552) (https://archiveofourown.org/series/3113685)

"Undo the Golden" by GigglingAsIfIdidntWriteThis - crystalized ended BADLY and Lloyd managed to go back in time to the beginning of s1 to try and save everyone including himself (https://archiveofourown.org/works/45778291/chapters/115202566…)

"The Color of Glory" by banannamuffin - AU, Lloyd is an orphan in the foster system where he meets Harumi who he now sees as a sister. Then he finds out he's supposed to be the Green Ninja and that a group called Sons of Garmadon is on the rise (https://archiveofourown.org/works/44138211/chapters/110989083…)

"On the Outside" by SunflowerAro - set in early s1, lil Lloyd doesn't trust the ninja he has to live with. Slowly that trust is built and traumas acknowledged (https://archiveofourown.org/works/44929669/chapters/113050273…)

‌"All of Their Interests" by ilovelegendsalot - ninja bonding with lil Lloyd over things they enjoy (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18958873/chapters/45014614#workskin…)

"All the work, None of the money" by SirShroomie - short, kai-centric, we delve a bit more into his life and struggles before he became a ninja (https://archiveofourown.org/works/42818652/chapters/107565903…)

"Five Times Everyone Thought The Green Ninja Was Dating Lloyd Garmadon" by Anonymous - movie fic, secret identities au, exactly what the title says (https://archiveofourown.org/works/44554888)

"Lloyd Gets a Ransom Note" by BumblebeeEnby - post crystalized, Lloyd gets "invited" to a dinner with his dad and Vinny; survivalshipping (https://archiveofourown.org/works/45267544)

‌"we've all got scars" by brainrotprofessional - short Lloyd and Kai brothers trans interaction (https://archiveofourown.org/works/45679432)

"Shogun: Becoming" by NickelWick - instead of Zane being sent to the Never-Realm, Kai is sent into the movieverse (https://archiveofourown.org/works/44418760/chapters/111722089…)

"Enchanted Opportunities" by Arco_Harrison03 - if marrying a Djinn gives him unlimited wishes, what happens to you when you kill one? (https://archiveofourown.org/works/42570066/chapters/106927911…)

‌"Thank You, For Giving Me Wings" by weekend-whip (nightbreakers) - Wu POV of how he's come to see the ninja as his kids and they him as their father figure (https://archiveofourown.org/works/39650496/chapters/99260295…)

‌"Say You Won't Let Go" by orphan_account - as Jaya wedding gets close everyone tries to get Kai and Cole together bc apparently they don't know they love each other and everyone else does; lavashipping (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18606391/chapters/44112619…)

"We Saved Each Other" by orphan_account - continuation of "Say You Won't Let Go" but about a year later. now it's Cole's time to ask the question; lavashipping (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19191547)

‌"Everybody Talks Too Much" by letters_from_elwind - lavashipping one-shot taking place in s8 together with the scene where Cole sings but it's "Everybody Talks" instead (https://archiveofourown.org/works/38946051#main…)

"Everhearth" by Butterpony100 - takes place after Nya is brought back but the Crystal King doesn't happen; seabound Kai au with lavashipping (https://archiveofourown.org/works/42634206/chapters/107094609…)

"The Rights Of A Nindroid" by Anonymous - what if after Dr Julien's death, the government considered Zane its legal property, he's a robot afterall; **mind the warnings** + with a sequel (https://archiveofourown.org/works/28669479/chapters/70281465…)

"just the two of us (we can make it if we try)" by writing_hat - lavashipping fic, pre and post s7, two pining idiots; **mild sexual content** (https://archiveofourown.org/works/47800510?view_adult=true#main…)

‌"The little things" by newtlovesyouso - lil Lloyd starting to trust the ninja as he lives with them. Should be early s1 but the small events indicating the timeline are all over the place, still very much readable; background lavashipping pining (https://archiveofourown.org/works/44529601/chapters/116416195#main…)

"Would You Like To Enter Stardust?" by AureAllegories - what if Jay became part of Prime Empire upon entering it? minor bruiseshipping (https://archiveofourown.org/works/37798150/chapters/94374718…)

‌"Play to Win" by sadisthetic - s6 oneshot, what if after Cole, Lloyd and Nya are caught, instead of having them walk the plank, Nadakhan decides on another round of Scrap-N-Tap (https://archiveofourown.org/works/46263796#main…)

‌"Son of Garmadon" by orphan_account - movieverse au, Lloyd was raised by his father who has now captured the ninja and left Lloyd in charge of them (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18226388#main…)

"Cool Down" by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 - Kai's emotions are tied to his powers, Zane helps him cool down with hugs (https://archiveofourown.org/works/25916767#main…)

"Echoes of a Broken World" by Stargaze_Sunflower - a few weeks after s6 the ninja find out about the erased timeline (https://archiveofourown.org/works/29410818/chapters/72252897…)

"Little Brother" by SummerStormFlower - s1 Lloyd learns that he's loved and wanted (https://archiveofourown.org/works/22261093#main…)

"Home Is Where You Are" by lloydshoulddyehishair - movieverse pre-movie oneshot, Morro helps his cousin after he got stabbed (https://archiveofourown.org/works/29490180#main…)

‌"The Master of Fire and the Cold Don’t Mix Well" by Nation_Ustria - a series of oneshots of what the title says (https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154861)

"late night bathroom sibling therapy" by YouAreDeadRetry - s1 trans Lloyd, Kai catches him cutting his hair and decides to help out gaining a lil brother in the process (https://archiveofourown.org/works/28855188#main…)

"Oh, can I be your Bibilly Hills?" by Fabro-de-omres (Fabro) - movieverse pre-movie, after finding out that their leader is Lloyd and seeing the bullying up close, the ninja decide to make a surprise blanket fort for Lloyd (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27822187#main…)

‌"And the Vocab Word of the Day Is..." by fishoutofcamelot - early s1 before Zane regained his memory but with Lloyd living with the ninja, someone taught Zane how to swear (it's a funny oneshot) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/36502231#main…)

"Devil's Horns" by TeuthidaRegina - au and sorta rewrite of s10, the cloud has a bit of an effect on Lloyd and his oni traits start showing; background survivalshipping + with a sequel (https://archiveofourown.org/works/38756427/chapters/96906630…)

"The Not-So-Warm Winters." by JayJay_07936 - short oneshot of everyone cuddling up to Kai on a cold winter night; some lavashipping (https://archiveofourown.org/works/33884434)

"Four Nights, Three Crushes, One Bed, what else do you need" by fizzysugarwrites - polyninja, jay pov; the title is pretty explainatory (https://archiveofourown.org/works/25866772/chapters/62850451…)

"Masking and Unmasking" by HelloThere3306 - movieverse, Lloyd accidentally loses his mask during a fight and the team finds out his identity. He runs (https://archiveofourown.org/works/42865698#main…)

"Kind" by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 - movieverse au, the words people think about you appear on your skin, Lloyd decides to do some good with that (https://archiveofourown.org/works/26722576)

"Look what you’ve done // Fucked up, hope you’re proud" by Just_ATrigger - Sora blames herself for creating the Photac. Lloyd talks to her (https://archiveofourown.org/works/47996062#main…)

‌"Real Life" by Anonymous - Sora is curious about Zane and asks some questions which make the other ninja worried; master of tech and a guy made of tech? yeah (https://archiveofourown.org/works/47781802/chapters/120452491…)

‌"There's Always Tomorro" by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 - Morro redemption fic (a lil Morro apologist vibe? might just be me. still a good read), Morro living with the ninja after s5 and slowly becoming part of the family (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635941/chapters/67617703#workskin…)

‌"she was my sister before she was your lover" by SeraStars - set at the very beginning of s15; Kai tries to help still mourning Jay and push his own grief away but eventually snaps (https://archiveofourown.org/works/39271809#main…)

"Piggyback" by Echo_K - Kai gives Lloyd a piggyback ride to a candy stash to cheer him up, first after he finds out he's the Green Ninja and second after they put Garmadon in Kryptarium (https://archiveofourown.org/works/36230257#main…)

"lloyd garmadon discovers the ninja's inability to bargain with vendors" by sanology - exactly what the title says with some RG brothers (https://archiveofourown.org/works/39982485)

"lloyd garmadon makes kai smith cry on his birthday" by sanology - exactly what the title says with some RGB siblings and found family (https://archiveofourown.org/works/40838994)

‌"69 boughs of mistletoe on the wall" by lloydenthusiast - polyninja; Lloyd is tired of the ninja dancing around each other so he buys some mistletoe (https://archiveofourown.org/works/36942319#main…)

‌"The Candy Aisle" by VioletPixels - lil Lloyd gets lost in the store looking for the candy aisle and the panic ensures (https://archiveofourown.org/works/32092543#main…)

"The Idiots' Guide to Not Despising Your Cousin" by lloydskywalkers - green cousins go for a road trip (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24932815#main…)

‌"All the Little Things" by IAmStoryteller - a few drabbles of Kai being Nya's parent; mostly set before canon (https://archiveofourown.org/works/22992283/chapters/54970162…)

‌"The Skirt" by Spinchip (Thatkindghost) - Zane would love to wear a skirt but boys are not supposed to wear girl clothes, right?; gnc Zane oneshot (https://archiveofourown.org/works/30447384#main…)

"Stormbound" by Taddy_Maesson - post s15, sorta Seabound Jay AU; Jay hears the call of the storm and decides to follow it, however, doing so has its own consequences (https://archiveofourown.org/works/44427397/chapters/111745534…)

‌"the flames in the hearth" by sanology - post s7; the ninja get invited over by Ray and Maya who want to spend some time with their kids and their friends, but Kai and Nya are not little anymore and their parents forgetting about it grates on Kai (https://archiveofourown.org/works/39025779#main…)

"Bucket List" by Mattecat - after DotD Morro stayed in Ninjago, after s7 he stumbles onto Kai who lets him possess him for 2 weeks so he can live a life he didn't get to when he was alive (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18925009/chapters/44928871…)

‌"Days Go By" by thahash - lavashipping, coffee shop au; barista Kai and fashion designer Cole meet after Cole moves to Ninjago City and continues his routine of morning coffee (https://archiveofourown.org/works/47334079/chapters/119270812…)

"Lloyd’s guide to surviving the merge (and finding new family through it)" by BlueberryPeach - Dragons Rising AU where Lloyd met Arin and Sora shortly after the merge,,and kinda adopted them (https://archiveofourown.org/works/48632041/chapters/122672911…)

"you're on your own, kid (yeah you can face this)" by chaniinobu - the 5 times lloyd got sick and didn't ask for help and the 1 time he did (https://archiveofourown.org/works/48855328)

"Tend to the Flame (Lavashipping)" by Pieris_rapae - series, pirates and mermaids au; after his encounter with a pirate named Cole who steals and loses Kai's (a merman in the hiding) pendant, he, together with some others, ends up on a pirate ship (https://archiveofourown.org/series/3627736)

"Autopilot" by swordofsanctuary - greenflower, Brad and Lloyd finally manage to meet up again. Brad asks Lloyd for some help

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/46044562/chapters/115905625)

"King's Gambit" by shoepermario - citrusshipping, Echo finds half dead (even more?) Morro post s5. With no one else in the lighthouse they become close

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/46453207/chapters/116962000)

"The Struggles of having an Alter Ego" by ladc70_2003 - movieverse, the ninja don't know each other's identities and sometimes that might lead to a few problems. Delves into every ninja's life and their issues

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/39497796/chapters/98859363)

"Coinverse" by Mattecat - a series, after getting resurrected by Lloyd, Morro is given into Borg's care. It's a free child to adopt

(https://archiveofourown.org/series/1062602)

"Morro's Spooky Cafe" by coa_trees - movieverse au, Lloyd and his friends are regulars in Morro's cafe. He starts to care for the kids. Unfortunately they're also the ninja

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/48071317/chapters/121213048)

"Starlight, Heritage, and Stupid Self-Sacrificing Humans" by WritingMadness13 - Lloyd, Arin and Sora end up in season 9 Ninjago

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/49201786/chapters/124146586)

"i'm scared cause it means / i'm a little bit soft" by shoepermario - citrusshipping drabbles

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/51316885/chapters/129664270)

"Got Room For One More?" by kooki18 - polyninja, after getting into a fight at his new school Kai is sent to help out at a ranch for the summer to avoid suspension. Too bad he falls for 3 other guys there who are already in a relationship

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/46583272/chapters/117307066)

"moonlit mugs and tacit love" by holographicknife - lavashipping, a two-shot of the two ninja pining and then being an adorable old couple

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/39431094/chapters/98685285#workskin)

"No Wu AU" by IdkWhereIAmWhatAmIDoing - the ninja found each other by pure coincidence (and Lloyd in a trash can) without Wu, they also found out they have powers. Quite a rewrite fic

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/42440016/chapters/106583067)

"Post-Crystallized Sillies" by shoepermario - post-crystalized, one shots focused on Harumi, Echo (Mr E) and Morro (sorta set in an au?, check out @ataraxixx love his take on the papaja trio)

(https://archiveofourown.org/series/3769057)

"A Dance" by GravyHoney (@gravyhoney ) - bumblebeeshipping, while Arin makes a list of things for Percival to do after Beatrix's defeat, he decides that dancing is a pretty good start

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/51849733)

"look to the rising sun" by stars_brownies_and_metaphors - Arin and Sora chat and some coming out happens

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/47611363)

"cold nights and starlight" by stars_brownies_and_metaphors - Lloyd and Sora have a discussion about some habits current and past; **discussion of sh, mind the warnings**

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/47811133)

"Ice Skating" by phantombasketofmuffins (@phantombasketofmuffins ) - bumblebeeshipping, short oneshot of Arin and Percy ice skating :3

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/51944410)

"Hoodie stealin'" by RoseLock22 (@roselock22 ) - bumblebeeshipping, oneshot; Arin can't find his hoodie and calls Percy to see if maybe he knows where it went

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/51977005)

"The Junkyard" by citrus_stoner - oneshot; after Jay and Nya go to see a movie while visiting Ed and Edna, Ed and Kai talk, set after s1

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/52226914)

"May I request him by my side?" by Tensoserensei - greenflowershipping oneshot; the ninja are invited to a fancy party, Lloyd finds Brad working there as a server and just this once decides to use his status

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/51954877)

"Blue and Green Make Aquamarine" by Finn_M_Corvex - greenflowershipping oneshot; Lloyd tries to figure out what to gift Brad back

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/52597663)

"A song and a spin" by RoseLock22 - bumblebeeshipping oneshot; Percival comes over to the Monastery to help Arin with training. One thing leads to another

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/52487443)

"Dancin'" by RoseLock22 - bumblebeeshipping oneshot; Arin teaches Percy how to dance

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/52737436)

"Starlight, Heritage, and Stupid Self-Sacrificing Humans" by WritingMadness13 - Lloyd, Arin and Sora land in the past during s9

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/49201786/chapters/124146586)

"Permanently Marked" by Tensoserensei - canon divergent, some bumblebeeshipping; Beatrix manages to capture Percival when he was leading the ninja into the resistance hideout. Percy doesn't want the facial markings that would give him a role in Imperium. Too bad that's about to be his punishment for being a traitor

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/53284189/chapters/134845183)

"Sacrificial Jacket" by Tensoserensei - greenflowershipping; Lloyd is hanging out with his old friends from Darkley's when suddenly his period hits. Brad helps out

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/53689999/chapters/135910720)

"Here We Go Again" by Inverse_Me - Cole ends up in the "monastery", a 'last chance' group home for,,special kids with lots of heavy issues **mind the warnings**

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/49937371/chapters/126074998)

"Getting that Couples Discount" by Tensoserensei - greenflowershipping, lavashipping; there's a couples discount in Chen's noodlehouse for Valentines. It stacks up with more couples in the group. But Kai, Cole and Lloyd aren't dating anyone. Fake (?) dating ensures

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/53914618/chapters/136466293)

"What Does it Take for a Hero to Break?" by Blue1Phoenix - oneshot, DR; despite it having been years, trauma from Morro's possession still has some grip on Lloyd. A wrong question from Arin sets it off

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/54227413)

"Wobbly Hearts" by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 - movieverse soulmates au; Kai doesn't like soulmates. He knows he has three of them but he doesn't need them and they don't need him. High school is hard enough with letters floating off the page and writing anything being an almost impossible task. Too bad the universe doesn't care

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/53062414/chapters/134249821)

"you're on your own, kid (yeah you can face this)" by chaniinobu - the 5 times lloyd got sick and didn't ask for help and the 1 time he did

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/48855328)

"Lloyd after Seabound" by Tensoserensei - series, Lloyd dealing with Nya's sacrifice post-Seabound, eventual greenflowershipping

(https://archiveofourown.org/series/3721519)

"I Still Remember (All the People I Love)" by shoepermario - post-s3, Lloyd is cooking with Sensei Garmadon, it reminds him of Zane

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/53273923#main)

"We were supposed to be training, weren't we?" by RoseLock22 - bumblebeeshipping, boys in love during a break in training

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/55050013)

"Recursion" by shoepermario - s5, Swap AU where instead of Morro possessing Lloyd, Zane gets possessed by a different ghost

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/55143352/chapters/139831132#workskin)

"steadier footing" by cherieflower - movieverse, pre-relationship greenflower; Lloyd is not used to cute boys being nice to him

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/55385479)

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screechthemighty · 2 months ago

Text

Parts of this have been in my head since LAST YEAR, I literally posted an excerpt of this ages ago, I'm SO hyped to have this posted. Hope you enjoy!

the unknowable tomorrow | a tristamp fanfic part sixteen: wolfwood and meryl

content warnings: animal death, suffocation, body horror, suicide mention, childhood trauma (wolfwood's), self harm.

works cited: this chapter quotes <i>watership down</i> by richard adams, a reference that others in the fandom inspired me to make.

patch notes: switched out names in one paragraph because i wrote the wrong one (thank you to fabro on ao3 for pointing that out), and added a bit onto the last part to establish that wolfwood is still giving vash the lighter.

The sun was half-cloaked by the last dregs of a sandstorm. Wolfwood instinctively pulled his new coat over his mouth. “See anything?” he asked Meryl.

“No, I…” She looked around. “I don’t think there’s much of anything.”

That wasn’t from the sandstorm, either. As the air kept getting clearer, Wolfwood could see that they were in the middle of damn nowhere. No major landmarks, roads, nothing but sand and unimpressive rocks. “Well,” he said, “that’s just peachy.”

“Vash can’t be far, right?”

“He hasn’t been yet. Maybe there’s a big enough rock for shelter somewhere…wind’s blowing that way so he’d want to be on this side of anything…”

Meryl was already on the move. She might’ve been a city girl, but pretty much everyone on No Man’s Land knew how to survive a sandstorm. They probably didn’t let her behind the wheel on that truck without a refresher course. “Vash?” Meryl called. “Vash, we’re here…can you hear us?”

Wolfwood trailed after her, scanning the rocks carefully. Vash would probably hear them, unless he’d fallen asleep somehow. Falling asleep during a storm like this sounded like something Vash would do. To be fair, nothing much else you could do in a storm; if you had the chance to catch some shut-eye safely, might as well take it…

“Wolfwood!” Meryl cried.

That wasn’t a triumphant yell. She was scared. Wolfwood took off towards her so fast he nearly tripped over the loose sand. Meryl was kneeling by a large rock, digging sand off a large, feathery body: a thomas, unmoving, didn’t even look like it was breathing. Wolfwood could just make out the curve of a red-clad shoulder and a puff of blond hair poking out between the thomas’s body and the rock they’d taken shelter behind.

Vash wasn’t moving, either.

Shit, shit. He joined Meryl in moving aside the sand that had piled up along either side of the bodies. The thomas definitely wasn’t breathing. Not good. “Vash?” Wolfwood said, trying to keep his voice calm. “Hey, Blondie, get up.” Vash’s hand clenched into a tighter fist, but he didn’t move. His face was buried in the thomas’s side, as if he’d just sat down for a break and fallen into a deep sleep. “Kid, can you hear me?”

Vash shrank more closely against the thomas’s body, but didn’t reply. Wolfwood almost tried shaking him, but only barely managed to stop himself at the memory of Vash’s brief touch aversion last time. Freaking him out wouldn’t help, and Wolfwood didn’t want to get even non-fatally shot.

But what do I do?

“Vash,” Meryl said gently. “It’s really us. We’re back. I’m sorry it took so long.” She pulled out her canteen and unscrewed the cap. Her voice stayed calm despite the tremor in her hands. “Here, look. This is real.”

She carefully let a trickle of water fall onto Vash’s head. After a second, he tilted his face towards the stream. He didn’t look as physically damaged as he had in the aquifer town, but there was a hazy confusion in his eyes that Wolfwood didn’t like. It was the kind of expression you usually saw on folks who’d been left to die in the wastes but managed to claw their way back to civilization. That much time out there with nothing but the sand and worms for company did things to a guy.

Please don’t let him be too badly scrambled.

“…wh…” Vash blinked at them in confusion. “’eryl? Nico?”

“Two for two,” Wolfwood said. Good. He recognizes us. “Are you hurt?”

Vash kept staring at them like he couldn’t believe they were real. He moved away from the thomas enough to reach out to both of them, resting his hands on their shoulders and squeezing slightly. “It’s really us,” Meryl repeated. She reached towards him carefully. “I promise.”

Vash rested his cheek against Meryl’s hand, and didn’t protest when Wolfwood carefully cradled the back of his head in one hand. His undercut was over-grown, and he even had the start of a beard growing. “Going for the scruffy look?” Wolfwood asked.

Vash laughed, a hoarse and relieved sound, before pulling both of them into a hug. Wolfwood hugged him back. Meryl’s hand bumped against his and she rubbed Vash’s back and started humming Vash’s tune. Vash leaned into the embrace more as he hummed along with her.

Wolfwood joined it. He felt clumsy, out of place doing so, but it seemed to provide Vash some desperately-needed comfort. He must have been alone a long time. At least the thomas’s corpse didn’t seem too decayed. He hadn’t been lying there with a rotting body for too long.

The sky cleared. Wolfwood could see the sun was setting, the moons starting to take over lighting the sky. “We should set up camp soon,” he said gently. “Figure out what we’re doing next. Do you want to help?” He could do it all on his own, easily, but the movement might do Vash some good.

Vash sniffed quietly and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah.” He lifted his head; he was still smiling, but there were some tear tracks on his face. “I can help.”

Wolfwood kept an eye on Vash as they set up camp. He moved a bit stiffly at first, but loosened up as he moved around, so it was probably just from being in that hunched-over position for so long. He kept glancing at the two of them as if making sure they were still there. Meryl must have noticed; she would carefully touch his arm whenever they were close. Wolfwood picked up the gesture too, bumping into Vash as they touched each other. Every touch seemed to bring Vash back to reality, and his eyes were a lot clearer by the time they settled down to eat.

“Feel better?” Meryl asked when Vash was done with his soup.

Vash nodded. “Lots. Thank you,” he said. He still sat close, but didn’t seem to need physical contact quite as badly. “I, uhm…I’m in a bit of a pickle.”

“Really? Didn’t notice.” Wolfwood checked the sky. He could make a rough guess where they were based on the constellations, but he needed something specific. “Where are we, anyway?”

“That’s part of the pickle. I…I don’t actually know.” His shoulders slumped. “I was having some technical issues with the equipment they gave me from Ship Three. On my way to get it fixed, I…” He glanced at Wolfwood sheepishly. “…might’ve stuck my nose in someone else’s conflict…”

Wolfwood tried not to roll his eyes. “’Course you did.”

Meryl thumped him in the chest before turning her attention back to Vash. “What happened?”

“They were shaking someone down for protection money. I thought it was just something I could talk them down from, but when the debt collectors realized who I was, they tried to kidnap me? And when I ran, they just kept chasing me. I was trying to lose them and it didn’t matter where I ran, they kept coming after me…” He looked around. “And by the time I was able to lose them, I was out in the middle of nowhere. Couldn’t find my way back anywhere, especially with my equipment running. I don’t know if Helen had caught something already and all the running just made it worse or if she got something along the way, but she just kept getting worse and worse…” He glanced guiltily at the thomas’ body. “I did everything I could for her, but…”

A few tears slipped down his face. Meryl leaned against him immediately. “I’m sure she knows that,” she said gently. “It wasn’t your fault, Vash.”

Vash sniffed. His spoon tapped an anxious drumbeat against the rim of his bowl. “I thought I felt one of my sisters,” he continued, “but whenever I tried to go to her, she just kept moving further and further away. I don’t even know if she was real or I was just imagining her. I may have just wasted our time…”

Something clicked in Wolfwood’s mind. “Which way?”

“Uhm…south, I think?” Vash had to think about it. “Yeah, we’ve been going south.”

Wolfwood double-checked the stars. They were familiar, and if the Plant was going south… “Sand steamer. Has to be. We’re probably near a route. All we have to do is find the tracks if they’re still there, and hello, civilization.” He shrugged. “Not sure how long it’ll take, but it’ll be better than walking in circles.”

Vash visibly perked up at the suggestion. Meryl gave him a one-armed hug and grinned at him. “When did you feel her last?” she asked.

“Yesterday. It was pretty faint, but if I could still…”

“Then it can’t be too far, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

“That’s good, then. We’ll get you back home in no time.”

Vash looked like he might start crying again, at least time from relief. Wolfwood leaned over to tousle his hair. “Just leave it to us,” he added.

“Thanks, guys.” Vash smiled at them shakily. “Thank you.”

So that was it. Another hike across the sands. Hopefully it would be boring, and all Vash would need was some company.

Hopefully.

Meryl woke up the next morning to something tickling her face.

She jerked away instinctively, bracing herself to see an inquisitive worm right by her bedside. What she saw instead was Vash, curled up a lot closer than he had been when they’d all fallen asleep. He was facing her; what she’d felt had been a few strands of his hair drifting into her face. One of his hands reached back to grip Wolfwood’s jacket tightly, as if he were holding into a favorite toy. Wolfwood had fallen asleep with his hand resting over Vash’s.

Poor Vash, she thought. He must have still been worried they’d vanish on him. She’d heard stories of how badly the long isolation of being lost could affect someone mentally. Add his broken equipment and the death of his thomas on top of that…

He definitely needs us.

Meryl started making a mental list as she crawled out of her improvised sleeping arrangement—shared blanket underneath, individual blanket on top, her backpack as a pillow—and started setting up the camping stove to cook breakfast. They would need to make sure Vash kept eating, that he wasn’t too quiet and trapped in his head, and that he was back in civilization as soon as possible. They’d get him in contact with Ship Three somehow, then maybe, hopefully, he'd be safe. Or safe as he could get out here.

Something told her things were about to get a lot less safe for Vash in general. Legends about him went back years; the larger bounty July City had placed on his head was a more recent development, but there had been smaller bounties before. Depending on what year it was, maybe Vash had one of those smaller bounties already. It would explain why he’d been chased so far and for so long.

Well, if he does, we’ll figure that out as we go.

“Do you reckon we’ll have to force feed him?” Wolfwood asked.

When Meryl glanced his way, he’d lifted his head up to squint at her against the rising sun. “I hope not.” Meryl peeled open a tin of meat. “Do you think we have enough supplies to get him somewhere safe?”

“Doesn’t matter. We’ll have to make do one way or another.” Wolfwood started so sit up, but was kept in place as Vash moved closer to him. “Oi. Vash. I’ve got to take a leak.”

“Mmph?” Vash mumbled.

“Bathroom. I’ll be back in a second.” Wolfwood carefully started peeling Vash’s hand off his jacket. “Meryl’s right over there. You’re okay.”

Vash still looked half-asleep when he rolled over to look at Meryl. She took one of his hands and squeezed it gently. Vash squeezed back, slowly looking more awake as he did. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” Meryl replied with a smile. “Want to help me with breakfast?” Keeping him busy seemed to help his mood, which was a good thing. They’d have a lot to do before this was all over.

By the time Wolfwood was back, they had the meat cooking and some kind of rough bread sliced and ready to go. They all ate in silence, huddled together in the shade of their makeshift tarp tent. Vash, thankfully, ate every bite.

“So,” Wolfwood said when the last bites were cleared away. “We find the sand steamer route, pick a direction, and pray. We’ll hit something eventually, it’s just a matter of when. Food won’t be an issue. I’m fine to hunt. Water…” He shrugged. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“I’m not opposed to hitchhiking,” Vash said quietly. “I know it’s a risk, but I think it will be worth it. And I’m fine with stowing away on a sand steamer if we have to. I’ve done it before.”

“That’s the spirit. Any objections, Meryl?”

Meryl couldn’t help making a face. She usually tried to follow the rules, and a lot of sand steamers were not kind to stowaways…but this was an extraordinary circumstance. “As long as we don’t get caught,” she said finally.

Wolfwood grinned at her, then at Vash. “We’re bringing Fancy College Girl down to our level,” he said in a mock whisper. “We’ll make a survivalist out of her, yet.”

Meryl raised an eyebrow. “You sure you want to do that? I might actually start running people over for real if you pull me down too far.”

Wolfwood let out a bark of startled laughter, which set Vash off in giggles. Even Meryl couldn’t help laughing. “You’re so full of shit,” Wolfwood said. “You’re too good to go that far.”

He sounded like he meant it. There was an edge of something else in his voice—sadness, perhaps—but he moved on before Meryl could read into it too much. “Better get moving. We’ll want to cover as much ground as we can while the sun’s still low.”

He wasn’t wrong. That didn’t make his sudden push to action feel any less like a deflection, though. Meryl made note of it and moved on, not wanting to start the day off with a fight.

Besides, Wolfwood was right. Whenever they were with Vash, he needed them to be a united front. Supportive. Normal. Analyzing Wolfwood would just have to wait a bit longer.

Wolfwood might not have been super attached to the thomas chicks they’d raised in Hopeland, but he always did his best for them. Always felt the sting of failure and disappointment if one died. Those memories kept him from rushing Vash as he stripped his dead thomas of her gear and stood over her body with a regretful look on his face.

“I’m sure she knows you tried,” Wolfwood said. “They’re smarter than they look.”

Vash nodded. “I think she did, too,” he said quietly, “but that’s…almost worse, in a way. Is that strange? That I’d rather people be angry with me and blame me than say they don’t?”

Strange? Probably. But Wolfwood understood that, too, so he didn’t say anything. He just bumped his shoulder against Vash’s and looked down at the body, too.

We’ll get him back, Wolfwood promised, but couldn’t you have at least died from something that would let us eat you? Vash guessed it was some kind of infection, so it wasn’t worth the risk when there were perfectly healthy worms out there. Still annoying, not that he’d ever voice that thought aloud to Vash. It may have been a practical thought, but practicality and grief didn’t always mix.

The first chunk of their trip was dead silent for the most part. Wolfwood tried not to worry about it too much. Vash didn’t look too bad, despite his silence, so he was probably just saving his energy. He would open up a bit when they stopped for water and food—chat a little, eat what he was given, even smile—and he’d stopped looking at them like he expected them to vanish into thin air. That was the important part.

Still didn’t hurt to check in.

“You’re sure you’re not hurt?” he asked during one of their pit stops.

Vash shook his head. “Tired, mostly,” he said. “In my head, not just my body.”

“You want to take a nap?”

“I want to be out of here more.”

“Fair.” Wolfwood tousled Vash’s hair and left his head on Vash’s head. “Just be sure you get some sleep tonight. I can carry you, but I don’t need your ego bruised along with everything else.”

“What if I like being carried?”

“Well, you’re gonna owe me some cigarettes in that case. I don’t give rides for free.”

Vash laughed quietly as he leaned into Wolfwood’s touch. “Okay. That’s fair.”

He didn’t end up directly being asked to be carried, though it was hard to tell if he’d taken Wolfwood seriously. He did start actively looking around as the day went on, slowly scanning their surroundings as if checking for signs of life. “Is anything starting to feel familiar?” Meryl asked.

“No, it’s…sorry to say this, but I think there’s a lot of worms somewhere. I can hear them singing.” Wolfwood started scanning the ground. He saw Meryl check the sky instead, one hand reaching for her derringer. “I don’t think they’re a threat. It feels like they’re resting, or…maybe nesting? We should be fine as long as we avoid the nest.”

“I mean,” Wolfwood said, glancing Meryl’s way, “unless there’s any grubs that are easy pickings…”

Credit to her: she didn’t even turn to glare this time. Her focus stayed on Vash. “Will you be able to tell where it is?”

“Yeah, I can figure it out. We’ll be okay.”

At first, they just spotted a few worms flying overhead. They were still going to avoid the main nest, but they all agreed to follow them from a safe distance, just to see if they’d nested near an easily accessible water source. They followed the worms up an incline and to a ridge that overlooked…

It wasn’t the aquifer town. The sudden, overwhelming sense of déjà vu that hit him when he saw what was below made him check for other familiar signs, but there were no cliffs, none of the other sights he remembered from that jump. But the town below had been leveled in almost exactly the same way. Flattened down into rubble, save for one y-shaped post that stood tall in the center. The damage was older, a lot of the stones worm smooth by sandstorms, but even with that wear and tear and even from a distance, Wolfwood could tell.

Only one thing could ruin a town like this. Correction: only one person.

Vash knew it, too, from the way his face fell. Between their reactions and Wolfwood’s recounting of the aquifer town, Meryl must’ve put two and two together. She stepped closer to Vash and carefully took his hand. “Are you okay?” she whispered.

Vash didn’t say anything.

Wolfwood almost joined Meryl in comforting Vash, but something about this situation bothered him. He could feel that sense of déjà vu still tugging insistently on his mind. He knew this place. It wasn’t just the similarities to the aquifer town; he really knew it. But how?

He started intently at the Y-shaped beam, at the worms crawling among the rubble. He stepped back a few yarz and glanced to the right. Saw a rock with a flat surface, perfect for sitting and smoking.

Wolfwood’s eyes widened. “Shit.”

He was surprised it had taken him so long to remember. Then again, maybe his brain had been trying to spare him by forgetting. It hadn’t been the worst day of his life, but it had been one of the most painfully uncomfortable.

He’d thought the Eye vehicle pulling up alongside him and offering him a lift had been a blessing after days of walking. Then he realized he’d be sharing space with Legato Bluesummers and Chapel. In the same truck. It had almost been enough to make him jump back out, but there wasn’t a way to leave without causing a scene. He’d crammed himself in the back and hoped no one said anything to him.

No one did, but the tension in the truck had made him feel sick. It had been something of a relief when Legato had suddenly ordered them to stop the truck. That had given him a chance to get out and smoke. He remembered hearing the irate buzzing of worms and the sound debris moving. When he’d looked over the ridge, Bluesummers had been moving rocks with his brain, uncovering worm nests as he did. They buzzed and swarmed around him, but never got too close. Zazie’s influence, if Wolfwood had to guess.

None of my business, he’d decided, and gone back to smoking. It would’ve just been a weird footnote in an awkward, shitty day if Chapel hadn’t opened his mouth.

“The pup is still chasing ghosts, I see. Shameful…”

He’d hit the ground before he could finish the word.

Wolfwood wasn’t sure what had spooked him more: the way Chapel had just dropped, his body practically bending in half, or the way that Bluesummers seemed to just appear. His eyes had stayed fixed on Chapel, pale blue, pupils dilated, angrier than Wolfwood had ever seen them. He was trapped between two of the most powerful people in the Eye of Michael, two men who infamously did not like each other, and one of them had decided to draw first blood. It had been enough to freeze Wolfwood in place, heart racing, ready to run but not sure where he could run to.

“Another word,” Bluesummers had said, “and I’ll rip out your tongue. Are we perfectly clear?”

Seconds and hours passed before Chapel clumsily nodded. Bluesummers had let him go with a dismissive flick of his wrist. “Let’s go.”

Wolfwood had never been a more perfect model of obedience than he was in that moment. And he hadn’t felt like he could breathe properly until…

“Nico?”

Until we made it to the sand steamer depot.

“Is something wrong?”

Wolfwood looked at Vash and smiled. “Something’s right,” he said. “I know exactly where we are.”

The town had been out of sight for a few hours, but all Meryl could think about was Jeneora Rock.

She couldn’t help going through the list of towns and settlements that had gone missing during the history of No Man’s Land. Jeneora Rock, the aquifer town, the place they’d left behind: all would just be footnotes one day. Places that had succumbed to poor luck, the elements, losing their Plant. How many of those places, she wondered, had actually been destroyed by Millions Knives? How many people had he killed?

And why? What had these people done? Had they done anything at all?

Vash must have been wondering the same thing. His silence had taken a more sorrowful feeling, or at least Meryl thought so. He had stopped walking with purpose. He just mutely went in the direction that Wolfwood had indicated, his eyes sad and distant.

Wolfwood saw it, too. He’d been in good spirits when they first started walking, clearly pleased with himself for remembering the way, but looked more and more concerned the more they walked. Meryl caught his eye and mouthed, “What do we do?” Trying to talk about Nai seemed risky, especially when Vash was so quiet. It seemed to her that he’d be just as likely to shut them out as he would open up.

There has to be something.

“Hold this,” Wolfwood said suddenly. He passed Meryl his rifle and picked up the pace to catch up with Vash. “Ho, ro, the rattlin' bog, the bog down in the valley-o…” Vash didn’t react. Wolfwood pressed on, as if prodding Vash to see how he’d respond. “Ho, ro, the rattlin' bog, the bog down in the valley-o!”

Still nothing. He wasn’t even responding in an attempt to make Wolfwood feel better. Wolfwood wasn’t deterred. He kept jogging until he was right behind Vash. “Well, in the bog there was a hole, a rare hole, a rattlin' hole…”

And scooped Vash up in one smooth motion, throwing him across his shoulders as if he barely weighed a thing. Vash yelped. “Nico!”

“Hole in the bog, and the bog down in the valley-o…everybody! Ho, ro, the rattlin' bog, the bog down in the valley-o…” Wolfwood somehow managed to spin as he walked, giving Meryl a glimpse of Vash’s face. He looked startled, clinging to Wolfwood for dear life, but there was a hint of a smile starting to appear on his face. “Ho, ro, the rattlin' bog, the bog down in the valley-o!”

Somewhere on the other side of Wolfwood’s boisterous singing, she thought she heard Vash laugh. He made it through another verse before thumping Wolfwood on the back. “All right, I yield!” he said.

“Yield how?” Wolfwood said, spinning around again.

“No more sulking, I promise.”

“Good.” Wolfwood put Vash back down. Vash was still smiling, but there was a wobbliness to it that said he was on the verge of tears, too. “We’re not gonna let your idiot brother ruin our stupid trip, right?”

“No.”

“Atta boy.” Wolfwood pulled Vash into a one-armed hug. “What’s done is done and you can’t undo it. It’s not your fault.”

Vash nodded against Wolfwood’s shoulders. He sniffed slightly, a few tears slipping loose. Meryl took that as her cue to run forward and join the group hug. “He’s right,” she said gently. “But I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Vash’s free hand gripped her shoulder tightly. He wasn’t full-on sobbing, but she could hear some tears in his voice as he spoke: “’s not just him. This has just…it’s been a rough few weeks. Less a straw that broke the thomas’s back and more a boulder, you know?”

“I understand. That makes total sense.”

“I’m really tired.”

“You can rest as much as you want once we get you back into a town,” Wolfwood said gently. “I think this station had an inn, so we can always get a room…”

Vash suddenly tensed. She heard an inhale as Wolfwood started to ask him something, but Wolfwood suddenly went quiet. And just as Meryl was about to ask what was wrong…

“You guys hear that too, right?” Vash asked.

She did hear it. There was a truck somewhere nearby.

They broke off from the hug and took off towards the sound. There were a few sand dunes in their way; Vash probably would’ve cleared them first if he hadn’t tripped. Wolfwood slowed enough to make sure Vash was okay before scrambling to the top. “Are you okay?” Meryl gasped as she caught up to Vash.

“Fine!” Vash flopped over onto his stomach and scrambled to his feet. “Nico, can you see them?!”

“They’re heading our way! We can catch them!” Wolfwood called back. The declaration gave Meryl and Vash enough energy to clear the dune and start down the other side. There was definitely a truck coming, following a trail of densely compacted sand created by years of sand steamers taking the same route.

It did occur to Meryl that they must have looked insane as they stood alongside the route, waving their arms, yelling themselves hoarse. She was a little surprised the truck stopped, but extremely grateful it did. “What are you three doing out here on foot?” asked the driver, an older man with leathery skin and short-cropped gray hair.

“Thomas didn’t make it,” Vash gasped. “Long story…can we get a lift? I have money…”

The driver looked at the three of them, then at his companion (an equally tanned woman about the same age). She regarded them with a look that was critical with Wolfwood, then softened when it passed Meryl and Vash. “You any good with those guns?” she asked.

Wolfwood patted Vash’s shoulder. “I’ve seen him do things with one bullet that you wouldn’t believe,” he said.

It was true, but Meryl understood why the driver looked skeptical. Vash didn’t exactly look threatening at the moment. Still, they shared a glance and nodded. “All right, you three can be on worm duty, then. There’s room in the back.”

Vash looked like he might start crying again, but Meryl knew this time they would be happy tears. “Thank you. Thank you so much. You’re both lifesavers.”

His obvious gratitude thawed the driver and his companion a lot more, probably because it made them seem a lot more desperate than sinister. They even got out of the car to help them move around some of the cargo in the truck’s open back. It was mostly bags of thomas feed. They introduced themselves as Connor and Samantha Moore. They did small cargo hauls to local areas. Usually, they would travel with a sand steamer convoy, but there was a delay with some of their products. “Bit of a pain in the ass, but that’s life, isn’t it?” Connor said as he moved one last bag aside. “We’ll be driving straight through the night, so you might want to sleep in shifts.”

“We can do that. Where are we going?” Vash asked.

“Hopeland. It’s not too big, but you should be able to get other places from there. They breed thoma locally, so you can probably get a new ride if you want.”

“We can work with that. Thank you again.”

Hopeland, Hopeland…why did that sound familiar? Meryl glanced at Wolfwood. The look on his face—eyes distant, shoulders suddenly tense—clued her in immediately. That was the place that the sand steamer had nearly crashed into. The place that Wolfwood had been so desperate to save.

He said he’d been raised in an orphanage. He specifically mentioned an orphanage in Hopeland. Putting two and two together was easy. Seeing how last time they’d been one year out from Meryl being born, she could easily see how this could get messy, and Wolfwood must have known it, too.

But when Wolfwood was in Vash’s line of sight, he went right back to being cheerful. He helped Vash up onto the truck, took his rifle back, and settled in without saying anything. Fortunately, Vash lay down for a nap almost immediately, giving Meryl a chance to ask.

“Will this be okay?” she whispered. “Do you think…”

Wolfwood wouldn’t look directly at her. “It’ll be fine. We just have to make sure Vash is safe.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. We probably won’t be around too long once he’s settled in anyway.” It sounded to Meryl like he was trying to convince himself. “We’ll be fine.”

She didn’t think he believed that, and she wasn’t sure she did, either. But Wolfwood was right: they had to get Vash back to safety. If this was the best way to do it, she guessed they’d just have to roll with whatever came in Hopeland.

Including, if she had to be honest, her ever growing desire for answers.

He dreamed about being suffocated again. Not by hands this time. Something sprouted somewhere in his chest and started growing out his throat. It tasted like acid, like the vials and blood. He coughed up thomas feathers and potato flower petals. Every cough made his body shake like the ringing of a church bell, and every vibration seemed to stretch him out and warp him into something…

Nico?

A thousand stars stared down at him when he opened his eyes. The first deep breath he took almost hurt from how cold and dry the air was, but at least he could breathe. Vash was crouched nearby, hovering just out of arm’s reach.

“’m fine,” Wolfwood said out of instinct. He scanned his surroundings. Truck bed. Thomas feed. Meryl curled up in a corner, staring at him, too. Right. He remembered where he was now. “Dream…’s fine. Go back to sleep.”

Meryl, thankfully, didn’t need to be told twice. That left Vash, who was supposed to be on watch for bugs and bandits. He seemed a lot more interested in Wolfwood, though. “That sounded like a pretty bad dream,” he said softly. “Do you need anything?”

Nothing you can give me. But that wasn’t the answer Vash would want, so Wolfwood tried to think of anything for him to do, just to keep the kid happy. He was so wrapped up in his own brain that he almost missed Vash holding his hand out to him, a questioning look on his face.

Wolfwood first took it to stall for time, but when Vash carefully rested his prosthetic over their clasped hands, he suddenly didn’t want to let go. He felt so small and vulnerable, like the little kid who’d turned up in Hopeland with a bullet in his side.

Hopeland.

He was going home. Not as the child he’d once been, not even as a wounded innocent in need of help. Instead, he was…this. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, herding the real innocent to safety against his baser instincts.

He just hoped he wasn’t there long enough to ruin anything.

Vash’s thumb grazed over battered knuckles, picked down cuticles, nails stained with blood, and didn’t seem to notice any of it. “Have you heard the one about the rabbit prince?” he asked.

The hardened part of Wolfwood wanted to lie, to pull his hand away and make sure Vash got back to watch. But he still felt so small, and he suddenly understood why Livio would reach out to him in the dark and ask for a story. Much as he hated to admit it, he didn’t think he could make it through the night without some kind of comfort. “Don’t think so,” he said. “Tell me.”

The stars passed overhead, the car kept driving towards sunrise, and Vash softly told the story of El-ahrairah, Prince with a Thousand Enemies. Whenever they catch you, they will kill you, but first they must catch you. Be cunning and full of tricks, and your people shall never be destroyed.

The moons set. The sun rose.

Wolfwood finally felt like he’d stopped shaking.

They acted like the previous night hadn’t happened, but Meryl couldn’t get it out of her head. She may have been half-awake for most of it, but she still remembered the quiet, pained sounds Wolfwood had made, the way he muffled them with his jacket even in sleep. Something had him wound up, and it wasn’t hard to guess what.

Maybe going there is a mistake. Maybe we should get off sooner. But there was nothing around for iles. A glimpse of the Moores’ map during a stop to recharge and stretch confirmed that. Stopping there overnight at least would be the best move for Vash’s health.

But would Wolfwood be able to hold up?

She wanted to ask, but he stuck too close to Vash for her to have a private conversation with him. Maybe he was doing it on purpose, trying to avoid talking about it with her, or maybe whatever he’d dreamed about was making him overprotective. It was hard to say.

Vash didn’t seem to mind the proximity, though he was more restless that day. She thought at first his constant shifting and fidgeting was him being anxious to get to safety. She didn’t realize something might be physically wrong until they hit an especially bumpy patch of road and she saw him grimace. “Are you okay?” Meryl asked.

“I…” Vash glanced over his shoulder before dropping his voice to a whisper. “…can’t believe I’m saying this, but if you dunked me in a Plant tank right now, I wouldn’t even complain.”

“That dirty?”

“Every scar itches. No…” He held out a hand as Wolfwood started to grab his canteen. “No, we need to drink that more. I just wish…”

Vash trailed off and stared down at his hands. Meryl glanced at Wolfwood, but he looked just as confused as she did. “He made water once,” Vash said finally. “I know he can do it. I wish I could…”

His hands clenched into fists. Meryl immediately scooted closer and rested a hand on one of his fists. He sighed, relaxed his grip, and took her hand. “Not letting him ruin the trip,” Vash promised, “it just isn’t fun being hyperspecialized.”

“Maybe we can reprogram you in one of those things,” Wolfwood said jokingly. Then, after a pause, “Could we…?”

“No idea. We’ve never tried. I’ve only gotten into a tank to help the others. They nearly dropped me into a quarantine tank once when I got a bad case of food poisoning, but it cleared up before they had to go that far.”

Wolfwood gave a low whistle. “Damn. Surprised we didn’t show up for that.”

“I was too, at first, but I don’t think you could’ve done much. I had good care, and half the kids on the kickball team were keeping me company the whole time.” Vash smiled fondly. “All adults now. Can you believe that?”

She couldn’t, actually. It was another reminder of how old Vash really was, how differently time passed for him.

“Point is,” Vash continued, “I’ll live. But I’m gonna need dibs on the shower.”

“Of course!” Meryl said.

“I’ll fight you for it,” Wolfwood said.

Meryl glared at him, but Vash just laughed. “Whatever you say, Nico.”

Meryl couldn’t tell if Vash was confident Wolfwood was joking or confident that he’d win. Either way, it was good to hear him laughing.

The conversation seemed to cheer Vash up a bit. He still winced whenever his scars were jostled by the rough drive, but there was a spark of determination that lit up his eyes—as if he knew now the pain was temporary, that all he had to do was hold on a little longer. Meryl still held his hand, trying to bolster Vash’s strength. Wolfwood had to keep both hands on his rifle, but let Vash hold onto his jacket.

They drove. Stopped once for lunch. Kept driving.

Hopeland appeared on the horizon at sunset.

Most of Hopeland sat at the base of a mesa with ship wreckage at the top. Some man-made roads and buildings lined the sides, but the buildings looked unoccupied, so the roads only lead to one place. Hopeland Orphanage, according to a sign they drove past. Wolfwood refused to look at it. Vash’s gaze lingered on it, just for a second.

Has he guessed? Maybe. Vash wasn’t stupid. He didn’t say anything, perhaps sensing how tense Wolfwood was, or maybe more focused on the promise of a shower and rest.

It was too late for the Moores to drop off their cargo, so they drove to the local hotel instead. Despite Vash’s attempts, they refused to take any money from him. “If you want to repay us,” said Samantha, “you can meet up with his in the morning to help unload. We’re just happy we could help.”

Vash looked like he might start crying again, but Meryl didn’t blame him. She was grateful for the kindness, and she hadn’t even been trapped alone in the wastes for days and days. “Thank you,” he said. “It’s nice to know there’s good folks out here.”

Isn’t that the truth?

The hotel had open rooms, and a small selection of food available to purchase. Wolfwood focused on getting food, which meant there was not even a half-hearted fight between him and Vash for the shower. Meryl tidied up the space as Vash got clean: checking the beds, adjusting pillows, dusting away a bit of sand that had leaked onto the windowsill. Wolfwood came up during this with a basket of food and an electric kettle. “They said we could use this as long as we get it back to them in the morning,” he said. “How’s Vash?”

Meryl stopped to listen. The shower wasn’t running anymore, so she was pretty sure he hadn’t fallen asleep in there. “Okay, I think,” she said. “Probably a lot better now that he’s back in town. What about you?”

“Peachy.” Wolfwood stepped past her to knock on the bathroom door. “Everything good in there?”

Vash cracked the door open. His hair was still damp and sticking almost straight up, and she could guess he hadn’t gotten dressed yet from the way he angled his body away from the door. “Uhm, actually…do you think you could give me a hand with something? I’ve got some spots I can’t reach.”

“Yeah, sure.” Wolfwood passed the food off to Meryl before stepping inside. “Is it bad?”

“No, everything looks good. It’s just salve. Helps with the irritation.” Vash peeked Meryl’s way one more time, gave her a quick wink, then fully shut the door. Someone turned the water back on, obscuring the sounds of their voices down to an unintelligible murmur.

Maybe he was talking to Wolfwood about what had happened last night. The attempts at giving them some privacy were obvious, but for just a moment, Meryl’s mind raced with ways to circumvent them. The floor hadn’t felt too squeaky, so she could probably sneak to the door, and the water would only be able to mask so much…

Wait. What am I doing?

Yes, she wanted answers. Yes, to a degree, she felt like she deserved some after all the lies Wolfwood had told her. But did she deserve to know about this? About the reason he’d looked so scared and vulnerable the night before? About the place atop the mesa that haunted him so badly? Or was she just letting her nosiness turn her into a voyeur of someone’s pain?

Was the cost of truth always worth it?

She remembered the younger Roberto, and the Roberto she would one day watch die. Shame suddenly stabbed through her. Meryl turned away from the door and started focusing on their supplies. She took stock of what they had and what they might need. She forced the muffled sounds of conversation into a background drone.

She reminded herself, over and over, that this was none of her business. That the cost may not be as lethal as it had been with Roberto, but there was no way it was worth it now.

Wolfwood knew what was going on the second Vash turned on the sink. The only thing that stopped him from smacking the kid was seeing how beat up he was already. “Is this an intervention or do you actually need my help?” Wolfwood asked.

Vash smiled sheepishly and held out a tin with some kind of ointment inside. “I do need help,” he said, “but…it’s a little bit an intervention.”

Wolfwood rolled his eyes. “Sit down,” he grumbled. Vash did as he was told. He was still clad in only a towel, giving Wolfwood a good look at every scar he’d collected so far. His vision swam when he tried to focus on a few of them, superimposing hazy half-memories from the dimly lit tunnel over scars that were, the longer he looked at them, less severe. A few were nonexistent, making the headache Wolfwood got from the conflicting memories worth it. “I’m guessing I just put it on the ones that aren’t oily?” he said.

“Yeah,” Vash said. “Hey, are you okay?”

Wolfwood ignored the question at first. He focused on applying a thin layer of the salve over a stretch of uneven skin. Burn wound, if he had to guess. He could’ve sworn he saw Plant markings glowing among the bumps and divots, but it was hard to tell. “You don’t have to give me any details, just…is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?”

Next scar. A long, thin slash, possibly a knife wound. The scar had almost a sheen to it, more silvery than any scar he’d seen before.

“Nico?”

Next one. Bullet wound. Of course there was a bullet wound.

“Nico, do you want to leave?”

Yes, part of him screamed. Yes, yes, get me away from here. I can’t go back. I’ll only make things worse. I can’t have Miss Melanie see what I’ve turned into. Can’t risk that some of the littles are still there, that they’ll know me. I can’t.

And yet, another part of him wanted to drop the tin and run up that path, sneak into the building, curl up in his bed and sleep. Sleep and wake up and see that this was all just a bad dream. He’d still be twelve and safe and everything would be okay. He’d wanted to come back so badly, and here he was. Under the strangest possible circumstances.

Of course.

“I’m fine,” Wolfwood said. He finished applying the ointment over the bullet wound and started on the next one. Some kind of puncture wound around the ribs, didn’t look like a bullet wound, though. Same odd coloring to the scar as the knife wound. Maybe it was a Plant thing. “It’s safest here. We need to sleep. Figure things out in the morning before we run off half-assed.” He carefully examined Vash’s stump. It was a tangle of sensors and scar tissue from the surgery. The Plant marks he remembered from before were still there, though they were dimmer now. “Don’t want to run off on Connor and Sam, either. Wouldn’t be polite.”

“That’s nice of you.”

“I’m a nice guy. What can I say?” Wolfwood started on another patch of even skin on Vash’s shoulder. “You don’t have to worry about last night, if that’s what this is about. I’m over it.”

He wasn’t over it. He could still taste blood and chemicals. But explaining it to Vash would break him.

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Positive.”

“Okay.” Vash reached over and turned off the sink. “Okay.”

He tended to the last of the scars in silence, trying not to let his thoughts wander off. He caught sight of himself in the mirror as he straightened up. “I think we both need a haircut,” he grumbled. He’d been able to shave on Ship Three, but he’d been scruffy by the time they reached July and all the time traveling hadn’t helped any. “You got scissors?”

“In my bag.” Vash ran his hand over his overgrown undercut, a slight smile tugging at his lips. “Do you think you could help with that, too? If I look at least halfway put together when I get back to the ship, everyone will worry a little less.”

“You’ll want Meryl’s help with that. I’m garbage with haircuts.” He’d been scolded for his scruffy appearance more than once, and started caring even less out of spite. The dead men he left in his wake didn’t care one way or another what he looked like. Why should the Eye?

But there was no way he’d be able to bring that up, so the first thing he said when he poked his head out the bathroom door was, “Hey, Stryfe, you up for giving haircuts?”

Meryl looked up from her notebook. She was on the other side of the room with all their supplies spread out on the floor in front of her. She didn’t look like she’d scampered back over to avoid being caught eavesdropping; more like she had been trying to avoid eavesdropping.

He was a little surprised she’d taken the hint. Surprised, and grateful.

“I’ll do what I can,” she said hesitantly. “I mean…if you don’t mind an imperfect cut.”

“Listen, I’m already a lost cause. You can’t make me any worse.”

“It’ll be better than whenever I’ve tried to do it myself,” Vash added. Wolfwood stepped out and shut the door to give him some privacy, muffling but not completely obscuring Vash’s final words: “Thanks, Meryl!”

Meryl smiled sheepishly, even though Vash couldn’t see her. Her voice dropped to a whisper as Wolfwood sat down near her: “Is he okay?”

“Little more beat up than last time, but better than I remember.” And the headache that disconnect caused was getting less and less every time he thought about it, fading along with the old memory. “He’s gonna sleep like the dead, that’s for sure.”

“I think we all are.” Meryl stretched out her arms. “It was nice to get off my feet, but sleeping in the back of a moving truck is not restful.”

Wolfwood grunted in agreement.

Haircuts ended up waiting; everyone came to an unspoken, mutual agreement that eating was more important. Vash rummaged through his bag as Wolfwood started distributing the instant noodles. “I don’t know if this is necessarily the correct pairing,” he said as he pulled a bottle from the bag, “but I did remember.”

The great worm exoskeleton on the front clued Wolfwood in. “Geez, I didn’t think you meant that,” he said. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Of course I did.” Vash grinned brightly as he set the bottle down in the middle of them. “I went back for two bottles. The other one’s for when Brad and Luida wake up.”

“That’s one way to welcome them back.” They didn’t have whiskey glasses, so they had to settle for beat up old coffee mugs. Again, not that Wolfwood was complaining. He did notice Meryl only took a little, and poured him and Vash some extra to make up for that. “Cheers.”

Meryl nodded as she held up her mug. “To safety,” she said.

“To old friends,” Vash added as he held up his.

To coming home, whispered a traitorous voice in the back of Wolfwood’s head. He shook it off as he raised his mug. “To an actual bed and eight hours of sleep,” he said.

Hopefully, the alcohol would knock him out enough to let him enjoy that sleep.

They ate, they drank. Vash barely made it through one serving of whiskey and his noodles before he started nodding off. It was a miracle he made it to bed on his own power. Meryl went to bed not long after. Wolfwood poured himself a bit more and sat at the window, staring out over town. He drank slowly.

He tried not to think too hard about what lay above him.

Meryl slept straight through the night. It looked like Vash did, too, from how cheery he was the next morning. Wolfwood…it was hard to say. He was still closed off and cagey, but that might have been a carryover from the day before. He went to help the Moores unload their truck without any real complaint, but that didn’t make Meryl feel much better.

“After this, we get restocked and figure out our next moves, yeah?” Wolfwood said as he grabbed one of the feed bags. “Don’t know what you need to get your doohickeys fixed, but they might have it around.”

“They’re thingamabobs, actually,” Vash said with a cheerful smile, “but yeah, sounds good to me.”

Wolfwood rolled his eyes and started hauling the bag inside. The smile dropped off Vash’s face and he leaned closer to Meryl. “Keep an eye on him, okay? I’m worried about him.”

Meryl nodded. Even if Wolfwood hadn’t had another nightmare, that didn’t mean he wasn’t still feeling the effects of being back in Hopeland. She remembered how rough seeing Roberto had been; it must have been the same kind of feeling for Wolfwood.

We’ll figure it out, she thought. As long as we stay together, we can figure it out.

She started picking up one of the smaller boxes. It wasn’t heavy, but it was a bit cumbersome, and it started to slip from her grasp. “Shit!”

Something caught one corner, stopping the box just in time. When Meryl looked down, she saw a boy, maybe ten or so, just barely holding up the corner. “Oh!” Meryl adjusted her grip on the box, taking the weight off the kid. “Thank you!”

The child smiled shyly in response. He had a mop of white hair and big, golden hazel eyes. Something about him looked familiar, but Meryl couldn’t put her finger on it until…

“Oi! Livio!”

The boy made a soft eep noise and ran off. That name…Meryl knew that name. Right?

She turned around in time to see Vash and Wolfwood peering out from the doorway. Vash looked confused.

Wolfwood looked ready to throw up.

“Uhm, why are we hiding?” Vash whispered.

Wolfwood didn’t reply. He kept staring in the direction the kid had gone. When he finally moved, it was to go back into the store. Vash followed; so did Meryl. She set the box down as quickly as possible so she could join the boys in peering through the door into the main part of the store. Inside, the Moores were negotiating payment with the shop owner, a woman with dark brown hair consulted a shopping list, and a handful of kids surveyed the shop’s offerings.

“Nico!” called a young girl’s voice. “Nico, I can’t reach!”

One of the children turned around. If the name didn’t identify him, seeing his face did it. That was Wolfwood, all right. He may have been younger, but there was no mistaking that face. “Hang on,” he said. He walked over to one of the kids, a little blond girl, and crouched down to let her on his shoulders. “Remember, we just need one.”

“Got it.” The girl plucked a can off the shelf before being lowered back down again. “Miss Melanie! Miss Melanie!”

The younger Wolfwood shook his head with the quiet bemusement of someone much older before following. The white-haired boy from before—Livio—rounded a corner and immediately fell in step next to Wolfwood, grabbing tightly onto his arm.

Wolfwood and Livio. One of them dead in the future by his own hand. The other…

Meryl glanced towards the boys. Vash was still there, watching the scene outside with a kind of quiet, delighted awe. But Wolfwood was nowhere to be seen, and the back door of the storeroom was wide open.

“Vash!” Meryl hissed.

Vash looked at her, then at the door when she pointed to it, then at the empty space where Wolfwood should’ve been. Immediately, he ran for the door, Meryl close behind. She didn’t stay close for long. She wasn’t a weakling by any stretch, but she was only as athletic as her job demanded. Meanwhile, Vash had over 100 years of daily morning pushups on his side, and Wolfwood had been experimented on. She could be a star athlete and they’d still be faster than her. Fortunately, Vash noticed her lagging behind before she lost him entirely. “Are you okay?” he called.

Not really. She had to stop to gasp for air. “You go after him!” she called. “I think…I may know where he’s going…if we split up, one of us will get him.” She pointed to the main road up to the top of the mesa. “I’ll go that way!”

“Okay!” Vash took off, trailing his red coat behind him like the tail of a shooting star. Meryl stopped to catch her breath before turning around and heading up the main road.

She hoped splitting up was a good call.

She hoped whatever was happening here, they could handle it.

He remembered the weight of the other kid on his shoulders like it was yesterday.

He remembered Livio hovering close to him, nervous at being out in town but excited, too. They didn’t get to get out too often.

He remembered.

He wished he didn’t.

What he didn’t remember was how he’d ended up here. It was like he’d seen that mop of pale hair and been teleported somewhere else, out of the back room of the general store and to a building with a half-collapsed roof and dirt floors. The ache in his legs said he’d run, but he didn’t remember doing that at all.

He knew the place, at least. That was something.

If anything bad ever happens and we have to run, we’ll meet here. It was a promise he’d made Livio when they were little. The kid had developed a weird, weeks-long burst of fear that the orphanage would be raided by some outlaw group. It wasn’t the most overblown fear in the world, Wolfwood had to admit. It never hurt to have a contingency plan, and the abandoned houses along the side of the mesa had been theirs. Whoever had planned to live here never moved in; now the only people that came to this carved-out neighborhood were the worms and the kids who sometimes wandered down there to play.

He hadn’t realized how much he’d taken that plan seriously—how much he’d come to consider those ruined buildings safe. But here he was, huddled up in one like a frightened child, fingers digging into the shin on his bruise, trying to breathe through waves of panic.

“Nico?” called a voice. It wasn’t one of the littles…well, he wasn’t a little anymore, Wolfwood guessed. “Nico, where are you?”

Vash. Vash had followed him. Probably Meryl, too. Wolfwood pulled his legs closer to himself, instinctively trying to make himself smaller.

It didn’t do him any good. He heard footsteps getting closer, the creak of a door opening. Had he left footprints? Rookie move, he knew better. He could hear Vash’s footsteps slow, then stop just outside the room Wolfwood was in. “Can I come in?” Vash called.

No. Go away. He couldn’t let Vash see him like this. Wolfwood wiped at his face—when had he started crying?—but only succeeded in getting himself dirty. A memory of Miss Melanie scrubbing at his face with a damp washcloth flashed through his mind. He felt sick all over again.

“I’m right outside the door, okay?” Vash said. Wolfwood could hear him settling down. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”

He’d be waiting a long time, then. Wolfwood couldn’t move. Even if he wanted to, he was stuck. Moving meant going back outside, facing reality, facing the fact that he remembered that day, that morning, he remembered because…

Because…

“Where’s Meryl?” Wolfwood managed to mumble. He hadn’t heard her yet. He was a little surprised she wasn’t bursting her way in right now.

“She went up to the orphanage, I think. She thought you might go that way.”

The words hit him like a punch to the face. Meryl was up there. Meryl might see…Wolfwood forced himself to his feet, so suddenly that he felt dizzy. He stood there for a moment, head nearly hitting the roof, swaying in place. Trying to breathe. Vash peered inside the room, his face immediately turning worried.

“Nico?”

I can’t let her see that. I can’t let them…

His feet carried him forward, one step in front of another. He walked right past Vash and out the door. Vash scrambled to his feet and followed. “Hey, are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

“I wanna go,” Wolfwood mumbled. He sounded like a damn child, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t be here. He couldn’t have them be there, either. “I wanna go.”

“Okay. Okay, we’ll grab Meryl and we’ll go.” Vash hovered at his side. “Uhm, the way up is that way…”

A way up was that way. Wolfwood knew this place like the back of his hand, though, and he knew a faster way up. He kept moving, one foot after another, along winding paths he hadn’t taken since he was small. One hand traced the red-brown stone of the mesa as he went. Stone he’d touched once, long ago.

Long ago for him. Recently for the little boy ahead of him.

Vash followed in silence. With each step, Wolfwood prayed that he was wrong, that he was misremembering, that when they reached the top they wouldn’t see what he thought they’d see. That he wouldn’t have to relive the day everything changed for him.

They reached the top of the path. As they did, Wolfwood heard the sound of a truck approaching. A sound he remembered, deep down in his bones.

Again, moving on instinct, he stepped back, grabbing Vash and dragging him with him. He held completely still until the truck sounds stopped. He could make out distant voices, just barely. “What is that?” Vash whispered. “Is Meryl in trouble?”

Wolfwood couldn’t even think about Meryl. All he could do was remember.

Instinct guided him again. He followed the path up, but stuck to the sides of the wreckage that housed the orphanage. There were ways up if you were stupid or brave enough to take them; Wolfwood wasn’t sure which one he was then, but the handholds were a lot easier to traverse now that he was older. He was on the roof before he knew it. Vash joined him, one hand on his gun.

Not that it would do him any good.

The scene in the courtyard below was exactly what he’d expected to see. The truck. The men in suits and masks. Littles watched from the windows, from the shadows of the thomas pens. No sign of him, but he’d probably been ushered inside to gather up the few possessions he’d been allowed to bring. If he searched, perhaps he’d see…

Yes. There it was. Two figures in a window. Dark hair and light hair. Too far away to hear, but he remembered how the conversation had gone.

“I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to go.”

“I’m the Child of Blessing. I have to.”

“Nico, please…”

“Livio, listen.” He’d pressed a wooden box against Livio’s chest and looked him in his tear-stained, golden eyes. “Hold onto this for me until I get back, okay? Keep it safe.”

The wooden box with a few papers in it—pictures and odds and ends and a string of beads that was all he’d had left of his parents. He hadn’t opened it in years, not since Miss Melanie helped him tape one of the pictures back together and carefully placed it in the box, but he’d guarded it against curious eyes all that time. It was the only thing of value he really had. He couldn’t bring it with him. He knew, even then, that he’d never see it again if he did.

“This is really important. I’m counting on you.”

He’d meant it as a promise, but it was a promise he’d ended up breaking. He’d never come back for that box. And Livio…

“And look after the others for me, okay? You’re one of the big kids now. You have to be brave.”

Livio hadn’t felt like one of the big kids when he’d clung to him. One last hug in private before he’d hidden under the covers, clutching the box to his chest. Nico had stopped to pull them aside, to smile at him reassuringly, and then he’d walked away. Down the stairs. Out back into the courtyard, where the other kids had watched him leave. Miss Melanie hadn’t been crying, but he knew she would soon. He knew…

Wolfwood heard a sharp intake of breath as his smaller self was led to the truck. The sound of Vash putting two and two together.

The sound of Vash about to do something really stupid.

“No - !”

All Vash did was move into a crouch, but Wolfwood panicked. He tackled him back to the ground, trying to drag him away from the edge of the roof, out of sight, far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to stop them. Vash struggled against the grip, eyes confused. “What are you…?!”

“Don’t!” Wolfwood hissed. Vash managed to break away from the grip; Wolfwood grabbed him again, this time holding him tightly. “Don’t, don’t you dare, don’t!”

(Something flashed through his mind, a detail he hadn’t remembered until just then. A new detail. Behind the sounds of the kids saying goodbye, he’d heard something. A scuffle, like a fight, somewhere nearby but out of sight. For just a second, he’d wondered what it was, prayed that it was some kind of distraction, something that would take the masked men’s eyes off of him long enough that he could turn and run and run and run…)

“It has to be me!”

(…but that didn’t happen. There was no saving him from this.)

“It has to be me…it has to be me…” He held Vash tightly. He wasn’t sure if the heartbeat hammering at his ribs was his or Vash’s, but he didn’t let go. “It has to be me, it has to be me, I want it to be me…”

Vash stopped struggling. His breathing came in quick bursts, horrified bursts, as those words sunk in. Wolfwood still didn’t let him go. “Please,” he whispered. “Please, please, please…”

Just let it be me. No one else. Just let them leave.

He heard the truck start up and drive away, taking Nico with them. The sound grew more and more distant before fading away entirely. It was quiet.

Nico was gone.

He’d be dead in a few days.

Wolfwood felt his body go weak, boneless. He slumped to the roof, trembling. Vash pulled away. Wolfwood half-expected him to go running after the truck, but he didn’t. He just stared at Wolfwood with confused eyes, terrified eyes. Wolfwood looked away from him in time to see another set of eyes staring at him, just as confused and afraid.

Meryl. When had she gotten here? How much had she seen?

“…Nico…”

Wolfwood flinched away from Vash’s touch. He got up and headed to the edge of the wreckage without a word. His hands shook so badly, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to climb back down. But he had to try.

He had to get away from this place before things got worse.

She did her best to stay out of sight on her way up. Meryl had to duck to cover once as a truck drove up the road—probably the one carrying the kids, from the glimpse Meryl caught of it—and immediately hid among the ship ruins when she reached the top. It gave her the chance to catch her breath. Even at a slowed-down pace, it had been a tough trek up to the top.

All of that just to not see any sign of them. Was I wrong? Maybe Wolfwood had gone somewhere else. He knew this town better than she did. Maybe he’d gone somewhere else to hide. She wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking.

I should stay put anyway. Vash knew she’d come here, and Meryl was sure he’d come for her eventually. She would just stay put, and no matter what happened, she absolutely would not snoop.

The rumbling of another approaching truck made her duck deeper behind cover. She risked peeking out as the sound grew closer. This truck was bigger than the one she’d dodged on the road, better-maintained…and it had the mark of the Eye of Michael on its side.

Meryl ducked back down, her heart racing. What were they doing here? Pieces fell together as her mind raced through the possibilities. The kind of people Conrad said they worked with. The fact that Wolfwood was one of his creations. Wolfwood’s reaction to seeing the kids. Maybe it hadn’t been the sight of his younger self, but the memory of what his younger self had been doing that day.

Or something that would happen that day.

Her resolution not to snoop flew out the window. Meryl moved as quickly as she could without being seen, darting from the corner she’d wedged herself in and to the now-closed gate that separated her and the orphanage. She could just barely hear over the wall.

“Congratulations, child of blessing.”

The sentence—muffled by what Meryl could only assume was a gas mask—was followed by applause. It didn’t last long, and the silence that followed it was oppressive as a heat wave. The voice that broke it was quiet, dull.

“Can I bring my stuff?”

That was Wolfwood, the younger Wolfwood. Meryl suddenly understood why he’d run from the store, charging off as if he were being chased by something.

Today is the day they take him.

There had to be something she could do. Meryl ran to the truck and pulled at the door handles. All of them were locked. She wasn’t sure why she’d bothered; she’d only be able to move the truck if the keys were still in the ignition, and what was the plan even if she got it moving? Just start driving and hope they gave up when they couldn’t catch her?

Think, Meryl!

She’d have an easier time planning if she could see what was going on. She’d noticed worn spots along the side of the wreck; a second look confirmed they formed a path up to the top. Handholds and footholds formed over a long period of time, and by children if she had to guess. All of them were within easy reach for her.

I can do this. I have to do this.

Despite how much her legs ached, she started climbing.

By the time she reached the top, her hands hurt and her legs felt like they were going to fall off. Her descent onto the orphanage’s roof was a barely controlled flop, but she’d made it. Meryl dragged herself to the edge of the roof and carefully peered over. A crowd of kids had gathered on the front steps of the orphanage, all waving goodbye to a lone figure walking across the courtyard. Wolfwood looked so small, so fragile. It made her heart ache.

I have to do something, fast.

The sound of a scuffle caught her attention. She thought it was falling debris at first, but when she turned to look, she saw a tangle of limbs and a distinctive red coat. Vash! He’d know what to do.

When she reached him, it quickly became clear that something was wrong. Wolfwood had Vash in a tight grapple, and while Vash wasn’t fighting it, he did look confused, even a little afraid. Wolfwood, meanwhile, looked frantic in a way Meryl couldn’t remember seeing before. The closest she could remember was the look in his eyes when they’d been trying to stop the sand steamer, but this was more emotionally raw.

“It has to be me,” he said. The words sounded like they were being ripped out of him. “I want it to be me!”

Meryl froze.

Tears streaked Wolfwood’s face, a face that was already smudged with dust and mud. Meryl felt guilty seeing him, like she was looking at something she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away. “Please,” Wolfwood whispered. He shut his eyes tightly. Meryl couldn’t tell anymore if he was holding on to Vash to keep him from getting up or out of a desperate need to hold on to something. “Please, please, please…”

He kept whispering it until the sound of the truck faded into nothingness. It was only then that he let Vash go, his body slumping to the roof. Meryl wanted to run to his side, to see if there was anything she could do, but she couldn’t make herself move. Even Vash looked lost. If he didn’t know, how could she even begin to figure it out?

There was a dull look in Wolfwood’s eyes when he finally lifted his head. It was almost the same dullness she’d seen in Vash’s eyes when they’d found him out in the desert, but more hopeless. Wolfwood got up stiffly and started walking away. Vash stared after him before staring in the direction the truck had gone. Meryl stumbled to his side, just managing to make it before her legs finally gave out. “Are you okay?” she whispered.

“Where are they taking him?” Vash whispered back. His eyes met hers, his gaze desperate and helpless. “Meryl, what are they doing with him?”

Meryl thought about the blood-stained table, the way the chemical vials smelled. About how agitated Wolfwood was after going back to July, how he’d encouraged everyone to walk away when Roberto asked about the Eye of Michael.

About the Wolfwood who would eventually betray Vash, and the one who had seemingly been fighting to save him ever since.

“…we should go,” Meryl said finally. She tried to stand, but her legs quickly buckled. Vash had to help her back up. “I don’t want him to get too far ahead.”

Vash nodded in agreement.

He helped her down off the roof, and even offered to carry her when they reached the bottom. Meryl took him up on the offer; she probably could’ve made it, but her legs did hurt, and she didn’t want to risk tripping and falling. Besides, she needed to think without the distraction of navigating down the trails.

Wolfwood hadn’t gone very fast, and they could see him slumping his way down the trail. Vash didn’t get too close, which was probably for the best. It was clear even from behind how closed-off his body language was, and he smoked the entire time. They probably could’ve followed him down the trail by the smoke alone.

What can I say to him? It was hard to grasp a situation so unusual, so unfair. The closest she could think of was seeing the younger Roberto again. What would I have wanted him to say to me that night?

It was a tough question to answer when she’d spent that crying session half-hoping she wouldn’t be heard. She didn’t really have an answer by the time they arrived back in town. She just knew she had to try.

“Hey, Vash?” Meryl whispered. “Why don’t you go get the things you need to fix your equipment? I’ll try talking to him.” She felt Vash’s shoulders go tense. “I know you probably don’t want to leave him, but he might open up to me a bit more. I’ll find you if anything goes wrong, I promise.”

“…okay,” Vash said hesitantly.

“It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to you, he just…”

“Doesn’t want to burden me?” There was a slightly frantic laugh to Vash’s voice. “He’d yell at me for doing the same thing.”

“Yeah, he’s annoying like that.” And hopefully he didn’t hear that. “Keep an eye out, okay? I don’t want anyone to try and grab you again.”

“I’ll keep my head down.” They stopped in front of the hotel, and Vash carefully let her down. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” I’ll definitely need it.

She made her way clumsily up the stairs and to their room. Wolfwood, thankfully, was still there, parked by the window with a new cigarette in his mouth. He’d stripped off the new coat Vash had given him and put back on his old one. Meryl found herself staring at the stiches along the shoulders, along the place where his gun would rest. Reinforcement to keep it from tearing, probably. He’d need it with how heavy it was.

“…I’m sorry you had to see that,” Meryl said. It was the only thing she could think to say; she wasn’t surprised that Wolfwood didn’t respond to it. His gaze stayed fixed outside. “Vash has gone for now, if there’s anything you want to talk about.”

Wolfwood huffed harshly, bitterly. “What’s there to talk about?” he said. “You saw what happened.”

“True. But I don’t really have all the details.” Meryl risked pulling another chair over to sit next to him at the window. Wolfwood glanced her way briefly before pointedly fixing his gaze back out the window. “There’s a lot I don’t know about you, Wolfwood, but I want to. I want to understand. Extenuating circumstances and all.”

She really expected him to tell her to fuck off–he’d be within his rights to, all things considered. But instead…

“The chemicals rebuild your body on a cellular level,” Wolfwood said, “if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky, they kill you. I tested highly compatible, S+, so…they took me away.” Wolfwood drew one leg up to his chest, resting his chin on his knee as he did. “I don’t remember a lot of the early days clearly. Lot of injections. Surgeries. Accelerated puberty was fun, but at least I got it over with.”

“Accelerated…how old were you?”

“Twelve.” He said it as casually as if he were telling her his eyes were brown. “Hit full physical maturity in record time. Under a year, I think. Sucks being exceptional.”

The mental image of Wolfwood, still a child in the body of a chained-up adult, made her feel sick. A second realization didn’t help. “How old are you now?”

He laughed bitterly. “Relax. I’m twenty-two. I think. Could be twenty-three by now.”

But I’m twenty-three. It wasn’t that he didn’t look it (she’d guessed he was older than her, but not by much). She just couldn’t comprehend going through everything he’d been through in the same amount of time. She’d just started getting interested in journalism when she was around that age. She interviewed her neighbors and took blurry photographs of stray dogs that were a public health threat. She was a late bloomer compared to her friends; in hindsight, avoiding the discomfort, the stares, the alien feeling of her body changing without her asking it to for a few more years was a blessing. She couldn’t imagine having that forced on her, compressed into a short year alongside whatever else they’d done to him. Did he even recognize himself in the mirror anymore?

Wolfwood either ignored or didn’t notice her stricken stare. “Anyway, I tried to escape eventually, but they caught me. Told me I could join the Eye of Michael or…” His voice caught on those words, but he pressed on, reaching into his pockets to hand something to her. It was a piece of wrinkled paper that had been folded into a tight square. “Here”

Meryl opened it carefully. The large symbol with a red smear in the center caught her attention first. “Is that blood?”

“It’s mine, don’t worry about it.”

That made her worry a lot more, but she decided to look past it and read the actual text. “Pastor’s Contract,” she read aloud. “The Eye of Michael and Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Pastor of St. Michael’s Church…pastor?”

“Just on paper. Keep reading.”

“...faithfully perform all duties as commanded in the Eye if Michael….receive immortal glory from the Priest William through the Suffering of the Holy Angels…” One section caught her attention: a hand-written caveat in the bottom corner. “If the work is approved, the Hopeland Orphanage and the surrounding areas will be excluded from the pilgrimage site.”

It has to be me. I want it to be me.

“They threatened to take another kid?” she asked quietly.

Wolfwood nodded. He gripped his shin tightly as he spoke: “I was one of the oldest kids there. They were my responsibility. I could handle it, so I’ve handled it. Did their dirty work, whatever they wanted, as long as it kept them away from the kids. And that included making sure Vash the Stampede made it to July City. Knives wanted him there without him getting sidetracked. It was him or the kids.” His fingers dug into his shin more tightly. “I made a choice and I chose them.”

She’d kicked him in that shin. Right where he was pushing against it, hard enough to keep it bruised.

“...Wolfwood…”

“You know what’s really messing with me?” He interrupted. He’d been calm up until that point, or at least matter of fact. Now, his voice was breaking again. “All that shit he said on the road…how he could see it in my eyes that I’m not…” He pushed harder. “...all that bullshit. I can’t stop thinking that it’s because of all this. That I tricked him into thinking I’m a good person and now he’s going to follow me into hell without question. Can’t even do my fucking penance right.”

“Is that what you think this is? Penance?”

“What else could it be? After what I did? And don’t give me the you had no choice bullshit. Doesn’t matter why. I’m a backstabbing piece of shit no matter how you slice it.” He hissed suddenly, his hand jerking away from the injury. “Damn it…”

Meryl caught his hand. She was worried he’d start poking at it again if she didn’t. “It’s not that simple.”

“Really? Because you didn’t seem to think so when you decked me.” Wolfwood took a deep breath and deflated almost immediately. “That wasn’t fair.”

“No, no, you’re right. I was harsh on you. And I do agree, what you did was awful. But that doesn’t mean…” Why was this so hard? She was a journalist. She knew how to put together a sentence…or she thought she did. “People aren’t caricatures like that. Some people are more bad than good, but I don’t think you’re one of them. You’re…”

She struggled to think of the right words. She was suddenly very aware of Wolfwood’s hand in hers. He had calluses from carrying around that cross, rough skin, cigarette stains on the tips. Frayed cuticles, picked down almost to the point of bleeding.

“I know you think Vash is too trusting,” she said finally, “and you’re probably right. So take it from me when I say that you have been…really good with him. Kind. I don’t think a bad person could be that kind.”

“...even out of guilt?”

“Especially out of guilt. They don’t feel that at all.” She squeezed his hand gently. “And even if you made the wrong choice, you were in an impossible situation and made the decision out of love. Not anger or hate. That matters, Wolfwood. They didn’t make a monster out of you. I promise.”

Wolfwood wouldn’t look her way. He didn’t say anything. But he didn’t pull his hand away, either. In fact, his fingers started to loosely curl around hers, like he wanted to hold her hand but wasn’t sure how to anymore. What she could see of his eyes looked hesitant, reserved, young. Like the little boy he’d maybe never stopped being.

“You’re not alone anymore, either,” Meryl added. “Let us help. Let me help, at least, if you don’t want to put it on Vash. I’m stronger than I look.”

“…you think I don’t know that?” Wolfwood actually smiled. His hand finally fully gripped hers. “You’ve hit me two times.”

“Three times, if you include the truck.”

The first giggles to escape Wolfwood were like the first pebbles of an avalanche. Next thing Meryl knew, he was hunched over, either laughing or crying, she couldn’t tell which, gripping her hand so tightly it ached. She let him hold onto her, used her free hand to rub his shoulder. His jacket may have been too big for him, but she could still almost feel his shoulders straining at the seams, trying to break free of the uniform they’d forced on him. The fabric was rough and frayed on the shoulder where his gun most commonly rested.

She wished she could wipe it smooth.

“Sorry,” Wolfwood said suddenly. He sat up and pulled away from her, rubbing his eyes fiercely. “I’m sorry for what happened with the worm. They thought you two would slow him down. I was supposed to leave you, but Vash wouldn’t do it. I’m sorry.”

Oh. Meryl honestly hadn’t expected an apology for that. “I forgive you,” she said. “Only because you did cut it in half for us in the end.”

“And I’m sorry about what happened to Roberto.”

Meryl almost flinched at the words. “That…wasn’t your fault,” she said. She really believed that. Zazie had been the one to want them in July, and anyway if Meryl hadn’t…

“And it was more Elendira’s fault than it was yours,” Wolfwood said quietly. “You didn’t know it would go down that way. And he was a grown man. You didn’t drag him into anything.” He pulled something else out of his pocket. The cigarette box was flattened out and a bit beaten up, but she recognized it as one of Roberto’s. “Don’t blame yourself for it too much. Extenuating circumstances, yeah?”

Meryl took the box with suddenly shaking hands. The design grew blurry the longer she stared at it. A tear landed on the worm logo’s wing. “Sorry I didn’t say that last time,” Wolfwood added.

A sob escaped her lips. She held the box close to her chest. “You asshole,” she said through tears. “This is supposed to be about you.”

“Hey, only one of us is in a job that does absolution,” Wolfwood pointed out. “I mean…technically. They’re not very big on absolution, but I can give it a shot.” He tousled her hair. “Don’t cry too hard. Vash is gonna wonder what happened.”

He had a point. Meryl took a deep breath and wiped the tears away. “Speaking of, what are you going to tell him?” she said. “He’ll want to know something. He’s been worried about you since you had that nightmare. I’m surprised I was able to convince him to give you some space.”

Wolfwood’s mouth opened, then closed again. He stared out the window with a tight jaw. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t…want him thinking this is something he can fix. Even if I did want him to, trying would just put him back in Knives’ sight. It’s better if he doesn’t go digging.”

He had a point. The problem was, between the fungus heist in July and what happened today, a lot of cats had been let out of the bag. They couldn’t be put back, and Vash wasn’t the kind of person to just let them run off without comment. Or without connecting a few dots. “He’ll respect your choice if you let him know that much, at least,” Meryl said. “You’ll just have to figure out how much to tell him.”

“Yeah.” Wolfwood sighed heavily. “Yeah. I’ll…think of something.” He stopped to rub his eyes. “I’ll figure it out.”

They were silent after that. It felt like everything they needed to be said had to, and the exhausted look on Wolfwood’s eyes said he didn’t have it in him to say more. He didn’t light another cigarette, at least; just stared at the remnants of his last one, watching the smoke drift lazily out of the cracked window. Meryl got up long enough to get her notebook, and carefully tucked the empty cigarette box between the pages.

I wonder what he’d think of all this. What he’d would do if he was left alone with a younger Vash. Roberto would find a way to help him, Meryl was sure. He’d probably have done a better job of getting Vash to be selfish than she and Wolfwood would.

How would he have felt about seeing his past self?

Meryl shivered. “Just to be clear,” she said, “I don’t have anything serious in my history, but…we’re staying away from December if we can.”

Wolfwood barked with laughter. “Yeah, this would be a shitshow even if we hadn’t showed up today. Just lucky none of them saw me.” He straightened up slightly, the smile falling off his face. “Vash is coming.”

Sure enough, when Meryl looked out the window, she could see the bright red of Vash’s jacket as he walked towards the hotel. Even from this distance, she could see the worried frown on his face. She braced herself for him to start asking questions the second he entered the room, but he didn’t. He looked between the two of them nervously before settling on Wolfwood. “Is…everything good?” he asked hesitantly.

“I’m okay,” Wolfwood said. He still looked tired, so Meryl wasn’t sure if Vash bought it. But he did at least look better than he had on the roof. “Just…bad memories there. We can talk about it if…”

Vash shook his head. “Not now. It’s okay. You shouldn’t overdo it.” He smiled reassuringly as he set down his bag and started rummaging through it. “I should be able to fix my gear…enough. At the very least, now that I’m here, I can hitch a ride somewhere and see if any of the away teams are out.”

“That’s good.” Meryl glanced Wolfwood’s way. He’d sunk back into his chair and started chewing on his cuticles. He looked deep in thought; it was hard to tell if he was relieved by the reprieve, or still too raw to feel one way or another. “Is there anything I can help with?”

“You can pass me the thingamabobs if that’s okay.” Vash produced a carefully wrapped sandwich from one of the bags and offered it to Wolfwood. “Here.”

It took Wolfwood a second to respond to the offered sandwich. Meryl thought for a moment that he wouldn’t take it, but seeing food right in front of him seemed to wake up something in him. Wolfwood took the sandwich and started eating. Bite by bite, slow and steady, but he was eating.

It was a strange relief to see.

Meryl was nuts in the exact same way Vash was. Of course she’d say what she had. Of course she’d grant him any kind of forgiveness. Wolfwood tried to remind himself of that, he really did.

But he couldn’t get what she’d said out of his head.

That matters, Wolfwood. I promise it does.

Because she may have been a lot like Vash, shared a lot of his beliefs, but she’d also struck him as more…grounded, for lack of a better word. She wasn’t over a century old, standing above humanity, strong and unaging, strange even when he was a fragile and gangly child. She was just a person. She bled same as Wolfwood once did, and even if she was brash, she had to put a few more half-seconds of thought into her decisions than Vash did. Not doing so would definitely kill her.

And yet, she’d chosen to listen to him. To forgive him. To look at him and see something other than a blood-soaked monster.

He couldn’t fully chalk that up to her being like Vash. Much as he tried to, much as he wanted to, his mind clung to the memory of her hand holding his and refused to let it go. Refused to see it as anything other than proof that maybe those two were right about him. Maybe…

Wolfwood glanced at the other two again. Vash was sitting on the floor, carefully fiddling with one of his pieces of lost tech, only occasionally breaking the silence by asking Meryl to pass him something. Meryl watched what he was doing intently. She’d probably memorized how to fix the damn thing and would have it logged in shorthand in her notebook before the night was out. Something about the scene was so mundane that it made his chest ache.

They’d had a lot of moments like that on the road to July. Moments where, despite their various quirks, they were indistinguishable from any other set of travelers. Wolfwood had almost managed to forget himself those times, forget why he was there and what he was going to do to Vash. He wished he could sink into that normalcy now. It felt like the circle was open to him. But he couldn’t quite make himself join, and not just because of his reservations about whether or not he deserved it. He wasn’t able to make himself move away from the window at all. It felt like he was on a watch he was too afraid to break, listening for the sound of heavy trucks heading up to the orphanage again.

There’s no way they came for him so soon. He hadn’t aged that much by the time you saw him and you’d been in there for…months, right? Shit, he wasn’t sure. It had felt like an eternity for him. Couldn’t have been longer than a year, if the comments he half-remembered about his progress were any indication.

He has time.

But knowing that didn’t make him feel any better. Instead of being relieved by the reprieve, Wolfwood just felt like he was watching Livio walk down the long road to the gallows. Knowing there was an execution coming for him at the end of that year…

It’s not too late for him.

But what could Wolfwood do?

“Did you still want a haircut?” Meryl asked suddenly.

It took Wolfwood a second to realize she was talking to him. “Uh, yeah. Sure. If you’re up for it.” He forced himself to stretch. He’d been sitting in that chair a bit too long; his back ached like a bitch. “How’s your, uh, your thing?”

“The communicator’s turning on, but I can’t tell if I’m getting a signal. I might have to go up to the roof and try.” Vash carefully turned it over in his hands. “I might just have to get a new one when I go back. It might just be too old. The sand wears everything down eventually.” He attached an earpiece to the device and stood up carefully. “I’m going to try and make that call. You can get the haircut first, Nico.”

They ended up trading places, Wolfwood moving to sit next to Meryl while Vash sat in the chair by the window. He pushed the window open and leaned out of it as he fiddled with the device. “Don’t worry,” Meryl said as she picked up the scissors. “I’m better with these than I am with my steering.”

The comment startled a laugh out of Wolfwood. “Hey, you brought it up, not me.” He scratched his scalp briefly. “Don’t worry about how I look. I’ll be fine as long as I can see.”

Meryl nodded, glanced Vash’s way in concern one more time, and started on Wolfwood’s hair. Vash kept fiddling with the thing, an intense frown on his face, occasionally letting out a questioning, “Hello?” Wolfwood started picking at his cuticles as he watched him.

C’mon, let it go through, he’s been through enough, there has to be something You can do…

“I used to cut my own hair in college,” Meryl said suddenly. She sounded nervous, like she was chatting to fill the silence. “And my mom cut my hair before that. I think I got my first professional haircut when I got the Bernadelli job.”

“Your mom probably did a better job than half the places I went to,” Wolfwood said. “They just let anyone hold a pair of scissors out there.” He watched as bits of his hair fell down onto the floor. “You need yours done?”

“At this point, I may as well just let it grow out. It’s not like I have to look professional anymore.”

Yeah, and aren’t you technically wanted by July MP back in the future? He was pretty sure he’d heard the phrase “person of interest” get thrown around more than once. It made convincing them to hide from people in authority easy, but it was probably going to bite her in the ass when she got back. Wolfwood winced at the thought. Maybe we should all just grow our hair out. Hide from the law and all…

“Hello? Yeah…” Vash leaned further out the window, making it hard to see his face. It was easy to catch the note of excitement as he kept speaking. “Can you hear me? Can…Mark, hi!” Vash laughed, bright and relieved. The sound made Wolfwood’s shoulders untense; from the way Meryl sighed, that same burden was gone from her, too. “Yeah, it’s…it’s a long story, I don’t know if this thing is going to work long enough…I’m safe, I am, I promise, I’m in this town near the Sand Sea. Hopeland? Do we have anyone near here?”

Wolfwood couldn’t hear the reply, but Vash didn’t seem to mind whatever answer he was given. He even kept chatting despite his comment about the device dying on him, asking how everyone was doing, if he’d missed anything important. News about Ship Three seemed just as important to him as water and shelter. Not knowing must have been driving him as crazy as everything else.

Wolfwood knew a thing or two about that feeling.

A sense of relief settled over Wolfwood as Vash kept talking. Relief that they’d been able to get him to safety. Relief that, from the sound of things, someone was coming for him. Wolfwood still wasn’t 100% sure he trusted everyone on Ship Three, not after what had happened, but…

It was something. Something even more than Vash had before. That was good.

Vash moved away from the window and sat down in front of Wolfwood with a solid oomph. “Someone should be here by tomorrow,” he said with a bright smile. “I’ll be able to sort things out from there.”

“That’s good!” Meryl paused in cutting Wolfwood’s hair; it was easy to hear the smile in her voice. “You’re lucky someone was close by.”

Vash nodded, his smile growing soft as he looked at them. “I’m lucky in a lot of ways.”

Wolfwood braced himself for the questions Vash was sure to have. They didn’t come; instead, Vash held out his hands. Wolfwood took them hesitantly. Vash’s hands were both surprisingly cool. For the first time, Wolfwood noticed a slight pitted texture to the palms of his prosthetics, almost like callouses. He wondered if that was from natural wear and tear, or if it was something they’d added to help with his grip.

They would’ve had to care a lot to do that.

Vash kept holding his hands, even when Meryl finished Wolfwood’s hair and moved on to his. He chatted on about goings-on at Ship Three, people he was looking forward to seeing again, and he didn’t let go of Wolfwood’s hands for a second. He kept him in that circle of warmth.

Wolfwood let him, because he knew it wouldn’t last one way or another. He played along for the rest of the evening, told himself it was for Vash’s benefit even though he knew that was a lie. He tried to keep the thoughts of Livio out of his mind.

They came rushing back as the night settled in with no sign of a portal. It would be coming tomorrow, if Wolfwood had to guess, around the time Vash’s ride showed up. That meant Wolfwood had until the next day to…what? What he could he possibly do without risking making things worse? Some things had changed for Vash, but they hadn’t stopped anything big, far as he could tell. Vash was still down half an arm, still had a shithead of a brother running around, and whenever Wolfwood thought about it, his memories of July hadn’t changed all that much. If he hadn’t been able to fix any of that…

“Nico?”

Wolfwood rolled over on his bed. Vash was staring at him intensely. “Meryl’s asleep,” he said quietly. “Do you…do you mind if we talk?”

Good question.

Wolfwood’s gaze drifted to Vash’s shoulder, to one of the scars there. He thought about his other scars, and how many of them had come from him fighting like hell for other people. People that he cared about, even if they didn’t deserve it.

Don’t you have someone you care about more than anything?

There is a way.

Wolfwood had done so much in the name of protecting his family. What was one more thing?

“Do you have something I can write with?” Wolfwood asked.

He wrote two notes. One he left on Meryl’s pillow, just in case she woke up. The other stayed clutched in his hand as they left the hotel and started back up the mesa. “The orphanage is run by the people I stole from in July,” Wolfwood said about halfway up. “Their…clergy if you want to call them that, usually come from people like me. Orphans, the destitute…and they have to pass certain tests to quality. I passed, so…” He shrugged. “Well, you saw.”

Vash considered this for a moment. “And…you said it has to be you. Because if it wasn’t you, it would be one of the other kids?”

Wolfwood nodded. “I told you I choose them every time. I don’t want them to take anyone else. I don’t mind if it’s me.”

That wasn’t entirely true. He did mind, he hated the whole damn thing. But he couldn’t make the Eye stop existing, couldn’t reverse everything that Millions Knives had done, couldn’t erase everything that had lead to him being pulled onto that truck. Only make sure he was Hopeland’s last victim. Or one of its last.

“Is there…anything I can do?” Vash asked. “This isn’t…”

“There’s nothing you can do.” Wolfwood took a deep breath. This would be the hard part, he knew. “They’re dangerous. You think people like the Broderick Gang are bad? These people are on an entirely different level. They have their roots in July and…” No, that’s too much, too close. “I don’t want you hurt for me, either. Got it?” Wolfwood stopped talking and turned around to face him. “You staying safe will do more for me than anything. I mean that.”

Vash’s eyes were so deeply sad that Wolfwood couldn’t look at them for long. Don’t waste that sadness on me. I’m not worth it. “Okay,” Vash whispered. “Okay.” He started to reach for Wolfwood, but jerked his hand back. “So…where are we going?”

“There’s something I’ve gotta do before I go. Don’t know if it will accomplish anything, but I have to try.”

Vash nodded, and didn’t say another word.

It was a gut feeling that made him detour to the abandoned buildings. Livio had only done this one other time, but that had been under equally rough circumstances. If he wasn’t at the orphanage, he’d be here.

Wolfwood was right: Livio was in the second building they checked, curled up so tightly in a corner that you’d miss him if you didn’t know where to look. He had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a backpack clutched in his arms. He wasn’t actively crying anymore, but Wolfwood could see tear tracks on his cheeks.

“Ah, geez, crybaby,” Wolfwood whispered. “Don’t wear yourself out on my account.” He knelt next to him carefully and started humming. That had always kept Livio calm and asleep when they were kids, and it worked now. Livio didn’t stir as Wolfwood reached out to him, carefully slipping the second note into his hand.

Livio wrote himself notes all the time. He said his imaginary friend did it. Wasn’t too out of the norm in terms of imaginary friend stuff, and it worked to Wolfwood’s advantage now. He wasn’t sure if the handwriting matched, but hopefully Livio would still take what it said seriously.

If the men from the Eye come back, run. They’ll lie to you about Nico. Don’t trust them.

It was all he could think to do.

Livio’s fingers caught Wolfwood’s for a moment as he pulled his hand back. Wolfwood let the touch linger for a moment, watched how it smoothed the remaining worry creases from Livio’s forehead. He’d always been smaller than Wolfwood, but that smallness was so much more obvious now. He felt as light and fragile as the chicks they tended to at the orphanage.

He doesn’t deserve what’s coming. Please, God…

Even asking for a promise from God felt too much, so he let the thought trail off. He pulled his hand away, carefully and gently, and stepped back. He thought about picking Livio up and carrying him to the orphanage, but he didn’t want to risk waking him.

But I can’t leave him alone.

Wolfwood gestured for Vash to step outside. Once they were out of earshot, he whispered, “I’m gonna stay up here until he wakes up. You head back. Don’t want to worry Meryl.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be all right.”

Vash hesitated and looked over Wolfwood’s shoulder. “He’s important to you,” he said. “What’s his name?”

“…Livio.”

Vash nodded and looked back and Wolfwood. Before he could speak, Wolfwood cut him, off. “Don’t. Don’t make me any promises right now. Not about this. Okay?”

I’ll believe you if you do. I’ll believe you and when it doesn’t work out, it will kill me. I can’t put my faith in anyone like that. Not with him.

“For your sake…no promises. Forget you ever saw him, if that’s what it takes for you not to do something stupid. Just…” Wolfwood took a deep breath. “I can’t ask anything of you. I won’t.”

Vash looked him over carefully, then nodded. “Okay,” he said calmly.

And just like that, the matter was dropped. Vash turned around and started back down the trail.

Wolfwood hadn’t asked anything of Vash. He hadn’t planned on it, hadn’t planned on anything but his wild leap of faith with the note. But he couldn’t escape the feeling Vash’s okay had been a different kind of agreement.

One he couldn’t bring himself to fight Vash on.

He couldn’t think about it for too long either, though, so he shoved the thought aside, picked a spot that was out of sight while still giving him a clear view of Livio’s makeshift shelter, and waited. His worried thoughts didn’t plague him as much as he thought they would, but then again, he was keeping watch.

Keeping Livio safe was the most important thing.

It was sunrise when Livio stumbled out of the house, his backpack dragging the ground, the note clutched in his fist. He stopped in a patch of sunlight to read it. The frown that appeared on his face went from concentrated to worried quickly. He glanced down at his shadow as if he expected it to talk to him before digging a shallow hole and burying the note in it.

Atta boy, Liv.

Livio took one last look at the wastes around them before he started up the path. Wolfwood gave him plenty of head start before following. It wasn’t until he reached the top and saw Livio make his way safely onto the roof that he turned around and started back into town.

He tried not to think about it too hard. Not to pray. Not to hope.

He wasn’t sure how well he succeeded.

Meryl’s panic at Wolfwood’s absence lasted all of five seconds. Vash had barely finished saying he could explain before the door swung open. Wolfwood was there, casual as if he’d just stepped out for breakfast. “What?” he said.

Meryl would’ve throttled him if she wasn’t so relieved. He looked tired—she doubted he’d slept. wherever it was he’d gone—but there was something different about it. He’d aged back into his skin overnight, as if he had finally dragged himself out of his memories and into the present.

It was good to see, of course, but she was still a bit peeved that he’d just vanished like that on her. Meryl thumped her fist against Wolfwood’s chest. “Don’t scare me like that!” she said. “I thought…”

Wolfwood raised an eyebrow. “Hey, I’m not the one here who needs constant monitoring. You two are the ones who run to danger like it’s candy.” He turned to Vash. “No sign of a portal yet, I’m guessing…guess that gives us time for breakfast?”

Vash had been staring intensely at Wolfwood, as if gauging his state. Whatever he’d seen, he must’ve decided it warranted some cheer first and foremost. He smiled brightly at them. “Breakfast sounds great.”

So, they had breakfast. They were normal, or as normal as they could be, until the meal was over. The portal appeared as they were finishing up checking over everyone’s supplies. “Our timing is getting better,” Wolfwood noted.

“Still feels too soon,” Meryl admitted quietly.

“I’ll be okay,” Vash said immediately. “Someone’s definitely coming.” He hugged her tightly. “And I’ll see you again soon.”

Something passed between him and Wolfwood when they faced each other after the lighter exchanged hands. Meryl wasn’t sure what, but from the way Wolfwood’s jaw clenched, he hadn’t been the only one to wander off while they were asleep, and whatever they’d talked about had been pretty serious. He hugged Vash tightly. “Nothing stupid, remember?” he said quietly.

“I never do anything stupid,” Vash replied.

“I’m being serious.”

“Okay. Nothing stupid.”

Meryl was immediately curious what that was all about, but the look in Wolfwood’s eyes as he pulled away from the hug told her she would never ask. She caught a glimpse of raw pain behind those sunglasses, hope struggling to free itself from that pain. Vash’s smile was downright serene in comparison, a promise that everything would be okay. She didn’t think Wolfwood believed that, though.

She’d never know what had passed between them last night, and she would just have to content herself with that.

She let Wolfwood go through first, and glanced over her shoulder at Vash as she went. He wasn’t looking after them; instead, he was staring out the window, his expression thoughtful. She hoped whatever decision he was making wasn’t one he was making rashly.

Nothing stupid. That was a bit of an ask for Vash, she had to admit.

When she emerged on the other side, Wolfwood was drawing his rifle. She immediately reached for her derringer. “Trouble?” she asked.

“Don’t like that we’re inside,” he said. He was right: they were in some kind of warehouse, surrounded by boxes. They had a lot of different city-symbols stamped onto them, so she couldn’t place exactly where they were. “Good chance we’re someplace we’re not supposed to be.”

“We’d better find him and get out, then. Are you okay?”

Wolfwood grunted and shrugged. “Okay as I can be.” His weight shifted as he went to rub the back of his heel against his shin. “I’ll keep my head on straight. Promise…”

His eyes widened and his foot dropped back to the floor. He looked at his shin, then at Meryl. “…you seeing this?”

The bruise was gone. Aside from the cuts on his ankle from the worm bite, he was completely unhurt. Immediately, Meryl tried to bring up the memory of what had happened in July. She had run into Wolfwood, he’d made some smart comments, tried to get around her, she’d had enough and kicked him…

But no. That wasn’t what had happened. Was it?

When she thought about it a second time, she remembered running into him. Asking where Vash had gone. She remembered Wolfwood staring past her, eyes distant, face ashen and drawn. His hand gripped the strap of his weapon as if letting go would make him drift away. And when she’d asked him where Vash was…he’d been the one to lead her to the tank.

“Wolfwood?” Meryl said quietly.

He stared at her, gripping his rifle as tightly as he gripped the strap in her new memory. He must have noticed it, too. July had changed. But why? What had changed Wolfwood’s mind, even partially?

The sound of shouts and a gunshot jarred them both back to the present. They ran towards the sound without another word. Vash needed them. Whatever had or hadn’t happened anymore in July would have to wait.

But she would have to get to the bottom of it as soon as possible.

#fic: the unknowable tomorrow #trigun #trigun stampede

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