okay which one of the writers decided that they were going to make tyland lannister into their little self-insert. which skrunkly little nerdy jester of a man wanted to put his fantasy of besting a warrior woman, immediately becoming irresistable to her, and being asked to bed her entire harem on the big screen. i just wanna talk
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Something I noticed in the confession is that they don't REALLY respond to what the other is saying
Crowley says "run away with me" and Aziraphale says "come with me to heaven"
Both are saying "be with me" but neither stops to figure out why the other wouldn't want to go
Crowley says "you can't leave this bookshop" and Aziraphale says "nothing lasts forever"
Crowley thinks he ended it.
Aziraphale says "we can make a difference" and Crowley says "good luck"
Both are leaving. Neither stayed until they could agree, or at least understand each other
Aziraphale says "I need you" and Crowley says "no nightingales"
Aziraphale thinks he ended it.
Aziraphale says "I forgive you" and Crowley says "don't bother"
That's the one that sticks.
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Sometimes, when I read a fic where they get together, I like to think of it as something Crowley has imagined. Some bit of his creative mind manifesting a daydream, a sort of alternate universe--a hundred, a thousand alternate universes--where he and Aziraphale are together, and in love, and happy.
He imagines them constantly, staring out the windscreen of the Bentley, curled up on his side in the backseat, feeling a tear drip down sideways off his nose as he thinks, a hundred, a thousand other universes, but not this one.
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it's honestly a bit odd to me that so many people have jumped on the 'aziraphale will be pulling all the strings and playing politics in heaven' train. like I think it's true that the metatron is underestimating aziraphale's intelligence and ability to disrupt the second coming even while separated from crowley, but I also think the idea that aziraphale is going up to heaven with a clear idea of how he's just been lied to, an understanding of how much danger he's in, and a plan to stop it is a huge reach.
frankly, aziraphale is very vulnerable to manipulation. I'm thinking now of neil’s post with the diary entry from before the edinburgh minisode where he was duped by two humans, the whole thing with the nazis in 1941, and his sponsorship of shadwell's various obviously fake agents (sergeant milkbottle, etc.). he's not nearly as savvy as fanon tends to portray him. he takes people at face value, especially people he thinks of as Good. (that's not a dunk, btw--I find these things endearing, and a sign of aziraphale's innate wish to see the best in people. I just think that sometimes the BAMF protective aziraphale of fanon overshadows the slightly more naive aziraphale of canon. and honestly, I also think TV aziraphale is just a bit softer than book aziraphale, though he is capable of stepping up when it counts.)
and he's a bad liar! I know it's a meme in the fandom that aziraphale lies all the time, but he doesn't like it, and he's bad at it. he gets nervous and comes up with terrible excuses and the only reason he ever gets away with it is because the people he's lying to are idiots (gabriel), have their own agendas (god, the other archangels), or trust him to be honest (crowley).
aziraphale's real strength is his ability to take sudden, completely unexpected action. that's one of the things that crowley admires most about him. "he's unpredictable," is what he says to nina, and it's true! aziraphale's greatest moments of rebellion have always come from spur of the moment decisions, not intricate plans. (if anything, crowley is the planner--the arrangement and the thwarting of the apocalypse, their two longest cons, were both his idea.)
aziraphale gives the sword away because when he is forced to make a decision under pressure, he tends to land on the side of rebellious kindness. shielding crowley from the rain in eden, lying to gabriel to protect job's family, defying the quartermaster and returning to earth via possession during the apocalypse, blowing up his halo--he does these things because he's following that same impulse. when aziraphale has time to over think, he frets and fusses and is paralyzed by indecision. (or worse, he falls back on what heaven has taught him.)
TL;DR: I don't think aziraphale has any sort of grand plan other than a generalized "make things better," and I certainly don't think he is planning to betray heaven. he might try to come up with a plan once he figures out how bad things are going to get, but my bet is that what will actually disrupt the second coming is an absolutely bonkers off the wall decision that no one, crowley included, could ever predict. and I think it’ll happen, as it usually does with aziraphale, just after he accepts a difficult truth that fundamentally shifts his worldview—in this case, his final rejection of the idea of “good” and “bad” people, and of the entire morality system of heaven and hell.
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