#S in this for instance got a lot easier with practice

[powdermelonkeg]

The charcoal Hylian writing I did for my latest oneshot. That's real, actual charcoal, which I scanned and overlaid on top of Skyrim paper. Translation under the cut:

"I was imprisoned when my country fell to monsters"

[quinloki]

Quicksand - ALTERNATIVE

If you haven't read Quicksand up to chapter 5 you're going to be terribly confused.

Fem Reader x Sir Crocodile

CW: Language, violence, blood, moral ambiguity, murder, sexual themes and situations, yandere, angst with a happy ending, a referenced instance of physical abuse. 18+ only

ADDITIONAL CW: Dub-con, kidnapping, imprisonment

The alternative version picks up at Chapter 6- there's a lot of overlap for the first few chapters as the story slowly peels away from the original. The alternative chapters explore Sir Crocodile's yandere tendencies in a setting where the reader rejects him (vs the original where she never ran).

You can read it as it posts to Tumblr, or sate your curiosity on AO3 // Wattpad immediately.

Chapter 10: Forgiveness

You’d slept in a little later than usual and weren’t in the office as early as you normally were. You started a pot of coffee for you and Alvida and printed out your letter of resignation. You wanted to set it on Buggy’s desk before he got in so that he couldn’t puppy-dog eye you into not doing it. You’d warn him about it when he came in, you weren’t trying to be cruel, and you’d already given him a heads up before now.

Walking into Buggy’s office you get to his desk before the soft scent of citrus and smoke slips over you. The scent twists your heart, and you set the paper down on his desk with a sigh.

“That’s quite the heavy sigh, Miss (Y/N).” Crocodile says, as Buggy’s chair turns to reveal the warlord.

You nearly fall back on your ass, just barely keeping your feet under you. “Wha-?”

“It seems as though you’ve been conflicted about your departure.” He continues, not answering your murmured half-question. “There’s a far easier route to take in all this.”

“I… how?” You shake your head. “Why are you here?”

His brows rise ever so slightly. “It is my company.” He answers evenly, before looking down at your letter on the desk. “You are still my employee. Though, the conversation we need to have has nothing to do with business.” He admits, looking up at your pointedly.

“The… I made up my mind Saturday night.” You straighten up, no longer leaning in the desk, but you can’t meet his eyes. Despite his even tone and mostly neutral expression you can see emotion in his eyes and it’s hard to face.

“I gave you a chance to leave before that.” He states.

“… You did.”

“Multiple chances, if memory serves.”

It’s not just guilt that grips you, but there’s a sense of fear rising up in you as well. Similar to before, to the time in the hotel room, when you could practically feel the jaws of a predator cage your throat. Eyes that had demanded you stay in place, that had dared you even try to escape.

“I… only promised that night.” You say, but it feels like a meager excuse.

“You left with such resolve you couldn’t even bid me farewell directly.” He says, and his words and tone are sharp at the edges.

“… Sorry. I’m s-.” You try to get the apology out but when you meet his gaze your throat tenses and cuts off your words. There’s hurt in there somewhere, but more than anything the eyes looking back at you are sharp and hard and almost cold.

“Such bravery, young lady, to slight a Warlord that way.”

You swallow thickly, your entire body is on edge, stomach twisted, muscles tense, cold sweat slipping down your back. It almost felt as though Death himself was seated before you. You could feel yourself getting dizzy as fear made it harder to breathe.

“I’m… sorry, I’m sorry b-but… I c-can’t go b-back and un-undo it.” You struggled to get the words out past your fear. “Forgive me… please.”

The silence between you both is heavy. You can’t bring your eyes up to meet his, your body bowing more in fear than anything else, as you’re trying desperately to make yourself as small and insignificant as you can. Something so small as to not needing to be dealt with in any sort of permanent manner.

“Very well.” He says and you feel relief nearly cause your legs to buckle. Your heart and body can’t take much more of this. “Forgiven as though it never happened.” He adds and your relief evaporates.

“As though it-.”

“Never happened.” He says, completing the words for you as he reaches out and crumples the letter of resignation sitting on Buggy’s desk. “My dear, sweet, desert flower.”

You can feel the jaws of something powerful looming around your neck, waiting to strike. You manage to meet his gaze and those golden amber eyes are trained on you. Bright and sharp and completely aware of every shiver and twitch and shudder of your body.

“I… can’t-.” Your voice is small. You’re caught and you know it. Tears sting your eyes as frustration mixes with the fear.

“You can,” he muses, lighting a cigar. “You don’t need to do anything except stay by my side, and nothing will harm you. All your desires, my dear, just as I promised that night.” He exhales a plume of smoke into the air, taking a moment to offer you a reassuring smile.

“You need only offer yourself, (Y/N), as you are, and I will grant your desires even if they are numerous as the sands." He says, repeating his words from nearly a week ago.

Tears slip down your cheeks, and you’re worried the words might be your last. “Then… let me go.” The words tumble from your lips in fear, but there’s an odd relief in having found the courage to say them at all.

“Then you would no longer be by my side.” He answers evenly. “With no reason to indulge your desires, I could do as I please. Is that what you wish?”

Your stomach drops so fast you nearly vomit. Hand over your mouth you shake your head. You didn’t think he would simply kill you on the spot, if he did as he wished, but you were certain you’d have no say over whatever he did choose.

"Hm, kidnapping you, now there's a simple solution."

The memory of your conversation in the café wandered into your mind. Letting you go was obviously not an option.

Crocodile exhales another long cloud of smoke, the scent of which is still oddly calming, and his entire demeanor softens.

“I won’t demand a promise from you in this state.” He says almost lazily. “We’ll operate under the assumption that such a promise is only a matter of time for now. This, however, has been quite the ordeal for you, I’m sure. Allow me to see you home. I’m sure your colleagues can attend to your responsibilities while you rest.”

“I… I can drive myself.” You try to assert, your voice is hoarse, and your uniform sleeve is stained with tears and snot as you had tried to clean up your face a little.

“Perhaps, but there is one more matter I’d like to discuss before we go much further.” He explains, standing up. The act of him moving causes you to take a step back, but you’re able to force yourself still as he comes around the desk. He reaches out to you and stops himself as you flinch.

“Doflamingo.” He says quietly, almost kindly. “Why did you call him Doffy?”

“H-He was adamant.” You answer, doing your best to try and look up and meet Crocodile’s eyes. “But, I w-won’t, ever again, I promise. I-I didn’t even want to in the first place.”

“Resolved before we even got to the car,” he muses, reaching out and caressing your cheek, wiping an errant tear from your cheek. The soft gesture causes a shiver to ripple through you internally, but you aren’t sure if it’s fear or desire or repulsion that fuels it.

You and your emotions are in far too much of a mess right now for you to be sure of anything.

“Now, let’s get you home.” He prompts, gesturing toward the doors.

He walks near you, slightly ahead, opening the door for you and allowing you to walk through it first. Alvida is at her desk when you step outside, chatting with Buggy. The two stop their conversation as you and Sir Crocodile come into the room.

“Miss (Y/N) has had a bit of an ordeal this morning.” He explains, as their concerned expression fall to you. “I’ll be seeing her home so that she can recuperate. I’m certain you’ll be able to see to her responsibilities in the meantime?”

“Absolutely, sir.” Buggy answers. “I will see to her work is taken care of quite flashily.”

Your eyes meet Alivda’s as Buggy responds, and you swear you see her shake her head every so slightly before she smiles and looks up at Sir Crocodile.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t tend to them too flashily.” She states, looking at you with her best professional smile. “(Y/N) wouldn’t want to come back to a circus, after all.”

You try your best to smile, but you don’t have to worry about saying anything because Buggy interjects.

“Circus? Just because I have a big red nose, doesn’t mean-!”

“I said not a word about that, boss.” Alvida interrupts coolly before looking back to you. “Rest well, sweetie.”

You nod vaguely, muttering a quiet thanks as you were led through the casino. No one dared to stop Crocodile, and what few people tried were put off by hurried staff offering to help however they could. Either all of Rain Dinners knew what was going on, or the staff were assuming you had screwed up so badly you were being escorted off the property.

Either way it was embarrassing.

Crocodile opens the car door for you, and you sit in the backseat of a luxurious older styled car. Everything about it was immaculate, and from the sweep of the body to the color to the soft purr of the engine, it seemed to fit him in every way. A stern-faced man was seated in the driver’s seat, and Crocodile let himself in on the other side of the back seat.

“Home, Mr. One.” He says and the stern-faced man nods before putting the car into gear. “Ah, safety first, desert flower.” Crocodile says, leaning over and buckling you in, before returning to his side of the back seat.

The strange illusion of giving you space was messing with your head. You almost wished he would just touch you without hesitation. He certainly wasn’t allowing you to do as you pleased in the first place, and the odd consideration was frustrating.

For now, however, you put it out of your mind. The turmoil in your heart and your body was not the time to risk saying or doing anything rash. You needed time and space to calm down and go over your situation and your options with as calm a head as you could manage.

Once you got home-.

You turn toward Crocodile and speak before you can stop yourself. “You know where I live?”

“Certainly, my dear.” He replies evenly, and realization begins to dawn on you before he even finishes speaking.

“With me.”

[astronartists-writes]

Helloooo:)

May i request a Twice reaction to their Fem! s.o being protective of them?(like in a healthy way, not possessive)

Have a good day:3

a/n: i was so excited when you sent me this because it was super early that i got this from when i posted everything else.

hope this turned out okay!

Masterlist

TWICE with a protective s/o

TW: mentions of sasaengs, mentioned worries about toxicity

CW: none! :)

fem!reader, race unspecified :)

Park Jihyo

when you first showed her your protectiveness, she was a little worried that you might end up being overbearing

but as time went by, and you were super chill about her living her own life, she realized that you weren’t someone she should be concerned about.

you were perceptive to her feelings, so the second she seemed uncomfortable, you would shoot a nasty glare at whatever was making her feel so

usually it was sasaengs

sometimes it was her stage outfits

the glare was always the first warning

if the glare didn’t work on people, you’d wrap an arm around her as a second warning.

if those warnings didn’t work, you’d start responding in place of Jihyo, your tone flat and dismissive

she thought it was hilarious

it eased any anxiety she might feel

because The Glare can’t really work on an outfit,

you would usually offer her your jacket, or would carry a small blanket around to cover her legs with while she sits

you always made sure to ask if she wanted your jacket or the blanket, giving her a choice of rejection

she’s an independent adult, and you treated her as such

you’ve got her back, and she feels safe when you’re around.

Im Nayeon

i feel like nayeon would be protective of her s/o as well,

so you being protective wouldn’t faze her.

it’s just natural

you always asked her if she was feeling uncomfortable with something, and did everything you could to help her fix it if she was

you could honestly be her personal security guard, you were that effective.

you once practically threw a bitch that was getting a little too close, and she was scared at the time, but laughed a lot when the video surfaced

all of twice’s stage outfits are kind of ridiculous sometimes, and you often complained about the discomfort of not only nayeon, but the other members as well

you knew how uncomfortable clothing that showed a lot of skin could be — especially short skirts,

so you empathized, even going to managers to ask if it was really necessary for the members to wear certain things

she felt very loved when you showed her your protectiveness, and always made sure to make you feel loved, too

Yoo Jeongyeon

personally feeling very protective of jeongyeon right now, hope she’s feeling lots better

so you make sure to give her plenty of space, asking questions once, and not pressuring her for an answer if she couldn’t give you one.

you treated her the way you treated everyone else,

only really being protective of the way people spoke to and/or about her

if you felt something was uncalled for, you immediately told the person who said it off,

sometimes you ordered them to apologize,

sometimes you told them calmly that what they said wasn’t very nice, and gave them a disapproving stare

tbh, not many instances happened where you had to tell them off,

so you tried to express your care for her in other ways

like making her food, getting her tea, sharing your clothes

jeongyeon would tell you clearly if you were to cross a boundary, and you would immediately make sure to never cross it again in order to avoid being possessive

she felt comfortable with you

you never once made her feel bad for not liking something, or not wanting something to be done,

so she was able to openly communicate with you with little to no fears

Hirai Momo

momo liked the two of you doing your own thing for the most part

being independent together was nice

she liked being able to depend on each other for things as well, though

like emotional support, and someone to always have her back

one of her favorite things was seeing you get protective

it usually happened at the smaller things, not the bigger things because you couldn’t be around for many of the big things

like if a bee or a wasp got too close to her, you were right there to move her out of the way

if you saw her shoelace untied, you’d get down and tie it for her so she wouldn’t trip

if you saw someone look at her in a way you didn’t like, you would put an arm around her out of the need to make sure they didn’t try anything harmful

she wasn’t helpless, but it felt nice to show her she could rely on you if she needed to.

Minatozaki Sana

because of her cuteness, you often felt very protective of her

however, we all know that sana is not innocent

she’s an adult, y’know

anyway

at first, she was a little irritated at how protective you could be

you were far more obvious about it than subtle

after a while, she got used to it, and thought about how you didn’t question her choices

you didn’t even try to control her

she liked it a lot

you liked to latch onto her arm in public when there were a lot of people, and she enjoyed holding your waist, poking you in the side every once in a while to get a cute little giggle out of you

the display of protection she liked the most was you tugging down a skirt if you thought it was riding up too much

she liked that you didn’t want anyone to even see the safety shorts, especially when you explained that you just didn’t want her to feel embarrassed if someone posted pictures online

usually when you did something protective, you tried to make it playful.

every once in a while, you’d poke her butt when you pulled her dress down

Myoui Mina

you weren’t protective of her too often because she’s not a very social person,

but you took every opportunity you could

mostly on days she was on stage or doing other activities and you were with her

she stayed home the rest of the time, and while she used to be mostly alone, having you around was something much appreciated

because you were mostly in the safety of your own home, you usually were protective about comments on the internet

she would look through them for things she could improve on — some people left some pretty good constructive criticism

but there would always be hate comments

it’s something to expect from being in the industry

not everyone is going to like you, and the people who don’t can be very cruel

she had learned to mostly not take comments about her personally,

but if you happened to glance at what she was doing out of curiosity and found a comment you didn’t like,

you’d get a little peeved

you’d tell her that she should mute those comments so she wouldn’t see them anymore

this resulted in a very brief argument, where you quickly apologized for the misunderstanding

and explained that you just didn’t want her to feel bad

she thought about it a little and nodded, thanking you for the concern, but explaining that the comments didn’t really get to her

so you’d shyly request to read them with her, dragging the people that left mean comments through the dirt

it made her laugh

if someone dared to say something about her in front of you, though... all hell would break loose.

your protectiveness in public only occurred when the members were being mobbed

you’d hold her hand to make sure she didn’t get pulled away, shooting glares every which way.

your protectiveness made her laugh in private, and made her feel safe in public

Kim Dahyun

you only really protected dahyun when she was frightened or startled at first

which was quite frequent

but after a while, you found yourself saying you’d go before her in things she was nervous about

and then even in things she wasn’t nervous about

the urge to keep her safe was just really strong at that point

she was never actually bugged about it

she liked having a doting girlfriend to hide behind

she even stepped in a few times when you looked nervous, too, eager to keep you feeling safe

she would not be able to do much for you while at high places, though

so even if you were also scared, you’d just clutch her hand and shakily walk with her across area that seemed sketchy.

she gave you a kiss every time you stopped,

and that motivated you enough to keep going

after the hell of high places, she wouldn’t let go of you, trying to show you just how grateful she was by praising you and comforting you

you didn’t feel so scared at the end of it, though

she was grateful for your protectiveness, and was just as protective of you

Son Chaeyoung

she is tiny, so it would be easier to lose her in a crowd than others

she’s responsible enough to not get lost, but you liked to hold her hand just in case

our chaengie is playful,

and so sometimes she’s a little bit too focused on messing around with you to notice potential danger

like a car coming down the narrow road

so you’d tug her out of the way, continuing your conversation without another thought

she usually payed a lot of attention to her surroundings, so the fact that she didn’t realize there was a car was surprising.

you didn’t mention it because you were just keeping her safe, but she was very flustered

if the weather suddenly got colder than expected, you always had a hoodie and a jacket on you

as soon as you saw her shivering,

you’d shed your jacket and hoodie, handing the hoodie to her wordlessly before putting your jacket back on.

you didn’t want her to get sick

she never gave that hoodie back, but she always brought it with her after that.

when people had you on edge, you wouldn’t leave her side

if they were decidedly too much, you’d hold her hand,

and if you really didn’t like a person, you’d straight up just tug her away from them with you (if they followed, you’d totally bark at them)

Chaeyoung found your protectiveness romantic, and wouldn’t trade it for anything

Chou Tzuyu

Tzuyu can hold her own pretty well

she can be quiet, and intimidating, so you weren’t actually protective in a way that people other than her could see

you stayed next to her when you were together, keeping it normal looking if she seemed endangered by anyone

if she needed to get out of a situation, she’d tap your wrist two times and you would get her out of there by any means.

she wasn’t allowed to be mean because of her job, but you could be as mean as you felt needed

another way you were protective was reporting harmful comments and/or posts to JYP directly

always under an anonymous alias

sometimes the two of you would end up looking through rumors and laughing at the ridiculous ones

like a secret boyfriend

that one you screenshot and sent to Tzuyu, who sent it to the group chat for the TWICE members so you could all scoff at it

when you asked if she felt overwhelmed by anything you did, she denied it

she felt comfortable when she was around you. she found your protectiveness sweet.

[meichenxi]

Hey, could I ask you how you do shadowing? Like the different ways you do it? You mentioned in your tag that shadowing is good and I'd love to hear how you do it! I do not attempt shadowing much so I don't really know what helps, etc. ToT (my studyblr is rigelmejo)

Hellooo! Thank you for the interesting question!

Tbh I think I do it fairly basically - I don’t use any particularly fancy software, but software like Language Learning with Netflix has certainly made it easier. There’s a whole video on how to get the most of it here: [on mobile, link didn't work - How to study Chinese with Netflix! by Chinese Zero To Hero] (I’d recommend checking out all of their videos actually, they’ve done a bunch of livestreams recently and they place a lot of emphasis on shadowing + the course they are trying to sell you is…actually phenomenally good)

(Also, I have to preface this by saying that I have been very lucky in terms of pronunciation: I learnt about 80% of my current vocabulary by ear without characters or pinyin. I have been in China for eight months in total, and while I didn’t speak Chinese for all of that, I was constantly soaking in info on natural sentence intonation. I still often don’t know officially what the tone of a vocabulary item is, especially if it changes tone like 教, 为 or 相, but I don’t get yelled at so I have definitely internalised a lot of those changes. I definitely would have more trouble with this if I hadn’t had that experience - my other areas are waaaay weaker because of this though- my reading SUCKS lmao and I can literally handwrite about ten characters)

Anyway. How I shadow:

1) Quite simply by playing the line, and repeating it with all the emotion it has!! I usually use Netflix or Viki for this. I try to do it as fast as possible, and if I can’t do the whole thing, I ‘chunk’ it: if I were doing the sentence 我们还不知道他会不会来, I would start from the end with 他会不会来, then 不知道他会不会来, and then the whole sentence. Notice that this isn’t breaking it down into words or even grammatical phrases, but intonational phrases: it would be perfectly sensible to just do 会不会来 without the 他 but realistically, since this is a question, it’s likely that a strong stress will be placed on the first 会, and you wouldn’t be able to replicate that without also included the more weakly stressed syllable before.

2) I locate (intentionally or subconsciously) the main locus of stress within the sentence, and I focus on that accordingly. Tones may become less extreme if they are not stressed, and may become more exaggerated if stressed. This is always a good exercise. I accompany this with physical actions - I throw my hands down, I sigh, I groan!

3) I put away the text, and don’t look at the tones or even my computer screen - more on this below.

4) Finally, when I think I’ve got it reasonably accurate, I’ll record them speaking the line into my phone with an appropriate pause for copying and play it back to myself at various points throughout the day.

5) I then go and find other words with the same tone contour to slot in, and copy it again. After that, I find words that are slightly different tonally and pop them in too.

6) I finally do fun things like hold a conversation with myself. This can be really simple phrases imbued with some kind of emotion - 这个女子到底是谁呀？为什么不认识我？应该是新手吧。You can do this either really informally, or very formally, or both - trying to speak in the latter way is very fun! So then it’d be idk something more like: 那位姑娘是何人，来自何处？This is fun because you can really slow down your speech and sound as elegant as you like!! (this will sound stilted if you do it for modern speech, but it’s a very fun exercise)

Choosing your media!!

1) Don’t use donghuas. Seriously. The voice actors usually speak at a ridiculous pace and not with the same range of ‘normal’ intonation

2) Your Chinese is definitely good enough to recognise when anyone is quoting poetry or speaking in a paricularly sexy literary way so, uh…don’t do that. That rules dramas like Nirvana in Fire OUT.

3) Modern dramas and reality TV shows CAN be great, but they can also be quite intimidatingly quick and almost too mushy at times. I’d recommend informal speech in guzhuang dramas more, because they have professional voice actors and extensive sound editing, meaning that although it might be fast and the vocabulary harder, it’s actually much more accessible and easier to copy. You don’t want to be stuck with the awfulness of 50% failed foreigner and 50% 12 year old boy who can’t enunciate properly!!

4) CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON WISELY. I try to find characters that speak in a dramatic, whiny or childish way. This is so important! There’s literally no use copying Lan Wangji unless you want to be able to have that particular cadence and tone of voice you get reciting poetry. Childish/whiny/dramatic characters on the other hand stress some words very strongly, and rush others together - this is great for hearing what actual real speech sounds like. Whininess wins. In The Untamed, characters like Wei Wuxian (not yllz!wwx but just…regular wwx), 一问三不知 Nie Huaisang, Jin Ling, and Jingyi are all great. Also Jiggy, who is just very extra constantly and speaks much slower as well, which really helps. In SHL characters like Gu Xiang are good.

5) CHOOSE YOUR VOICE WISELY! If you are really aiming to copy them 100% (which you should try at least sometimes), you want somebody with your pitch range to sound normal. I have a sort of party trick in Chinese that because I’ve spent so much time listening to women in guzhuang dramas I can change my voice and sound like a) a scheming concubine with honeyed words, or b) the voice of the Beijing metro. My teacher found it hysterically funny. But it’s not my natural voice, and if I speak like that for too long it hurts. The women usually are too high for me, and the big burly manly men too low - so I’d recommend finding a man with a higher voice, or an older woman (like some of the female characters in Nirvana in Fire). Again, sorry that this is mostly the Untamed (I’m just most familiar with it) but the voice actors for Wei Wuxian and some of the juniors (+jiggy) has a higher voice. Likewise Chengling in Word of Honour.

On intonation in general:

- The thing is that whilst shadowing is useful it requires prior ability in a whole bunch of other skills that you can train - it relies on your ability to accurately mimic pitch, emotion and other contrasts. Training this in ANY language, including your native one, will help your ability to do this in Chinese - so I’d recommend spending a fair amount of time practicing shadowing (or speaking just after somebody whilst listening to a string of text, like monolingual simultaneous interpreting) in your native language too. Any training copying accents or mimicking other people is going to similarly help, regardless of the language.

So, with that in mind, further tips:

1) Hum / try to copy the intonation without any words. What this does is force you to pay attention to what the intonation actually is, versus what you may think it should be.

2) Don’t look at the text! Do! Not! Look! At! The! Text! If you look at the characters or pinyin you’re telling yourself ‘ok this is a third tone here’ etc, but you want to override the part of your brain that has gotten into bad habits and is supremely self-confident in how you’re pronouncing the third tone, and actually just go straight back to mimicking.

3) Don’t be afraid to do it with vocabulary that is way beyond your level. Actually, I find this can sometimes be helpful, because you don’t have a prior idea about how a particular tone pair should be useful - and you don’t know which tone you should be producing.

4) Learn vocabulary by ear - listen to a vocab podcast or even make one yourself (I often do this; I record my daily Anki and listen back to it through headphones copying throughout the day - if you’re not confident in your pronunciation you can get Google Translate to do it). Similarly, pick unknown vocabulary out of a longer segment and remember it, trying to internalise the tones instead of figuring out which tone it is.

5) Find emotional sentences, and copy them with emotion. This is SO CRUCIAL!!! We remember things when we relate to them, and when we imbue them with emotion - and it also helps in hearing exactly how an angry second tone sounds, for instance.

6) When you’re copying, look up, and imagine you are having an actual conversation. Carry yourself with conviction and poise!! Really try to whine like wwx or slime like jgy. After a couple of turns copying them, try to turn off the audio and keep delivering it in the same manner.

7) Swap individual words out. Once you have a line properly figured out, swap a word or two that has a different tone pair, and focus on delivering it with the same pattern of stress.

8) Finally, practice doing this in your native language too!! It’s a skill that we don’t use often, and it can be trained. Some people are terrible at it at first go even in their native language, but you can work on it!

About intonation in general:

1) I think a lot of pronunciation problems with people sounding unnatural or stiff ultimately come down to a fundamental misunderstanding of what intonation looks like across different languages. In English we mark it by pitch: and we are so used to the rhetoric that Chinese has ‘tone’ and not ‘intonation’ that we try and focus on blindly copying every single word textbook perfect without listening to how it actually sounds.

2) Chinese does have intonation!!! Except that, unlike English, when you stress a word, the pitch doesn’t change, but the tone contour is exaggerated - basically the only time you will ever hear a full third tone is in isolated or very exaggerated speech. If you have a Chinese friend, get them to record a sentence like the English ‘I didn’t ask her to steal his rucksack’, and put stress on the different elements of it - I didn’t ask, I didn’t ask, I didn’t ask, and so on. Notice and copy how the tones change. When shadowing, you should always be paying attention to where the stress is in the sentence: when you speak by yourself, practicing saying a sentence neutrally, and then with stress on one component, the next, and so on. If it feels unnatural, it’s because you might not have practicised like this before - it’ll get better!

Hope that’s somewhat helpful / interesting!

- 梅晨曦

[tiredbiostudent]

i love seeing your posts it's very motivating. if you dont mind me asking, do you have any advice for studying (or tricks you use for urself) ((it's v vague sorry))!!!

hi, thank you! honestly I am absolutely awful at studying but I will try to provide some helpful tips:

1. watching university vloggers always makes me feel more motivated to do work! my favourites atm are nayna florence, moya mawhinney, paigeyy (her old cambridge vlogs bc I think she’s graduated now), linh truong, and may gao 2. I have a really hard time getting started so sometimes you just need to be like alright I can at LEAST open up this pdf or assignment. and I can at LEAST create a new word document and write out what I have to do. and occasionally this tricks your brain into actually starting ;) 3. when you plan a study schedule, give yourself at least one free day where you have nothing planned bc at least for me I will absolutely need it. don’t cram your days full of unrealistic things to do! 4. take advantage of your productive moods, but also don’t be too hard on yourself when you’re feeling super tired or burnt out or unproductive. you can also try and flip your productivity switch on (tho this is hit or miss) by doing less taxing stuff like going on a walk, making your bed, watering your plants- any task that makes you feel like you’re accomplishing something 5. have a hobby and life outside of school. easier said than done, but this will really help alleviate the stress and anxiety you feel when something goes wrong academically and that’s the only “important” thing you feel like you have in life. take time for yourself to learn new things, relax, spend time with friends, be in nature, exercise. all about balance baby! 6. study based on what your exam will test you on. if it’s short answer, study the material but also practice writing out example answers. if it’s matching labels to diagrams, practice that! go beyond just writing out your notes, try and fit your studying method to the format of your test. it helps s o much. 7. similarly, ALWAYS DO THE REVIEW QUESTIONS. if you have no time to do anything else, DO THESE!!! I’ve been burned so many times because I feel obligated to retype out all my notes (bc I have to have everything altogether) and run out of time to do the practice questions my prof gives, and those are always the most relevant to what you’ll be tested on. hell, do these before anything else. cannot stress this enough lol!!!! 8. don’t do the readings unless you NEED to or it helps you learn. otherwise it’s a waste of time (and money for a textbook!) imo 9. switch up where you study. unfortunately this isn’t really feasible right now but I find I’m most productive at the library- at your university (if you go) try to find your favourite study spots, and have a few you can cycle through! for me it’s the lifesci commons, law library and the comp sci building because they’re chill, productive atmospheres (as opposed to the SUB or the health sci building, which are too loud and too intense respectively) 10. keep your phone out of sight lol. and get one of those browser locks like forest to dissuade you from getting distracted. for me it’s more of a split second compulsion to check and once there’s a barrier in my way I’m like oh. nvm. 11. my personal note-taking method is taking written notes in lecture of anything important that’s not on the slides. usually your prof will emphasize the important of a topic too! but if they don’t, pay attention to what they’re spending a lot of time going over. after class I’ll add my written notes to the lecture to supplement it and better explain everything we covered. (for virtual lectures, I basically have the slides open in one half of my screen and the lecture in the other and type notes onto the slides as it plays) 12. practice explaining concepts to yourself out loud- this is a great way to see if you’ve actually understood the material! if you can do this once solidly, you’re good to go and it’ll stick in your brain for a while. 13. also try and make connections between topics you’ve covered because often this is what profs like to ask about on exams (cough ~synthesis~). for instance, recognizing that keratin composes tissues in birds, mammals, reptiles, etc. 14. if you’ve been working hard or having a stressful time buy yourself a nice warm drink because you deserve it! :) 15. this one’s a little weird but if you need to remember something like what the foundational traits of vertebrates are, focus on memorizing how many you need to know! if I know there’s 6 of something I need to remember, it makes recalling them SO much easier 16. if you’ve been sitting down studying for a while take a break to just jump tf around your room. you could also go on a walk I guess but jumping is more fun. 17. it’s good to get a reminder of why you’re in school and what makes you passionate about what you’re studying to drive you to keep going. for me I love to watch nature documentaries or go on hikes or look through field guidebooks or read really neat academic papers :) 18. for the love of god please get enough sleep.

I also have a whole tag of #study tips that is 1000% more helpful than what I can provide so definitely take a look through there! good luck, you got this :) ps sorry this got so long winded lol I hope it helps!

[intheticklecloset]

Don't Shake Your Head (Big Windup!)

Summary: Mihashi is acting jumpier than usual, and Abe is having trouble figuring out why. When he finally learns the truth, he confronts his pitcher about it.

A/N: Please I LOVE this anime and these boys so much! I loved writing for them again! Abe and Mihashi's friendship is so wonderful - I just can't get enough of it! I'm really happy with how this turned out and I hope you enjoy it, too! ^^

Word Count: 1,908

~~~

Abe wasn’t blind. He could see Mihashi staring at him in the dugout all the time nowadays. He just couldn’t put together why he was staring so much.

At first he thought it was his general jumpy, anxious nature. Mihashi was always on edge, always waiting for someone �� usually Abe, admittedly – to yell at him about something. But when it started to feel like more than that, the catcher paid more attention to their surroundings each time Mihashi got all fidgety.

The first time was during a game. Now that the summer tournament was over for them, they mostly played practice or exhibition games to occupy their time, if they were lucky enough to even have those. They were in the middle of one of these exhibition games when the guys in the dugout all started messing around, and Mihashi kept glancing nervously at Abe.

Is he worried I’ll get upset with them for losing focus? Abe frowned, watching their horseplay and shrugging it off. Nah. I don’t care. As long as they pay attention when they get out on the field, what they do in here doesn’t matter much to me.

The second time was at practice, again when the guys were messing around. Mihashi backed away from them all, trying to stay out of it, watching Abe like he were a wolf about to pounce on a rabbit. Again, Abe watched the situation and couldn’t come up with any feasible reason for his pitcher to be all jumpy like that. It’s not like he’s rough-housing with them and risking an injury. Why would I be mad at him about that? Actually, is he worried I’d be mad? I can’t tell.

It kept happening like that, over and over. The rest of the team would start goofing off, and Mihashi would look to Abe like he were expecting him to blow up. The more Abe thought about it, the more confused he became. What possible reason could he have for getting all freaked out like that every time the others are screwing around?

Then, finally, after several instances of this happening, it clicked with him.

Wait. He watched the guys. They weren’t just messing around. They were doing their new “instant relaxation” technique. They were tickling each other. And every time they started in on it, Mihashi would get all jumpy and look at him.

That’s what it is! Abe mentally praised himself for finally getting it. I told him I thought it was stupid. He must think I’ll like him less if he participates, even though I told him otherwise. I’ve got to set the record straight so he can have fun again.

So the next time it happened at the end of practice one evening, Abe watched for the moment Mihashi would skitter away from the action and look at him. There it is. And he walked right up to him, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible. “Mihashi.”

As expected, the pitcher flinched and moved back a step, barely keeping eye contact under his cap. “Y-Y-Yeah, Abe?”

“I told you I didn’t care if you liked it,” Abe said plainly, gesturing to where Hanai and Izumi had Tajima pinned down, tickling the crap out of him. The cleanup hitter’s laughter floated over to them, making the mood at once lighter and more awkward. “You can join in if you want. Just be sure you don’t get hurt or anything. That’s all I care about.”

Mihashi blinked at him a few times, looked between the tickling and the catcher, and finally nodded a little, stammering out, “Y-Yeah. O-Okay…um, t-thanks, Abe…”

But he didn’t move to join them, and Abe didn’t feel right just walking away from him after that, so they stood in a blatantly awkward silence, watching the guys wreck Tajima enough to ensure he’d probably sleep through his alarm the next morning.

What the heck? Abe thought as they packed up their gym bags to go home for the night. I thought for sure that’s what was stopping him from joining in. Why didn’t he jump at the chance as soon as I told him I didn’t mind? Why does it even matter if I mind? It’s tickling, for god’s sake!

“Hey, Abe.”

The catcher turned, surprised. “Hey, Tajima.”

“You know what’s happening with Mihashi, right?” The cleanup hitter was just as blunt as Abe was, which the catcher had to appreciate.

“Of course. He likes all that tickling stuff you guys do and wants to be part of it, but a while ago I told him I thought it was stupid, so he stopped doing it. Today I tried to tell him I don’t care, but…”

Tajima tilted his head. “Do you think it’s stupid?”

“Not really. I just said that because…” Wait, the rest of them didn’t see Mihashi tickling me. No way am I telling Tajima about that. “Well, I wasn’t thinking straight. I tried to fix it, but he wouldn’t go for it.”

“Yeah, cause that’s not what he’s after.” Tajima put a hand on his hip. “You really don’t get Mihashi at all, do you?”

“Of course not!” Abe snapped. “I don’t know how you can so easily, but I’m glad at least one of us can understand that guy. What’s the deal? What does he want?”

“He wants you to tickle him. Obviously.”

There was absolute silence.

Abe blinked. “He…what?”

“Haven’t you noticed the way he looks at you when we start in on it with each other?”

“Yeah, but…but he’s just afraid I’ll yell at him, right? He’s always afraid of that.” Rightfully so, I suppose, but still…

Tajima sighed, shaking his head. “Mihashi had a lot of fun when you tickled him a few weeks ago, and he’s wanted you to do it again ever since. He keeps looking at you because he’s waiting for you to come get him.” The cleanup hitter groaned. “Seriously, dude, you two gotta work on your communication.”

“Why…” Abe trailed off, feeling like crap all of a sudden. “Why do you know that?”

“We’ve talked about it.”

“He…he talked about it with you, and not me?” That just made him feel worse. He looked away. “I…I didn’t know.”

Tajima punched his arm, hard. “Well, now you do, so go out there and make our pitcher happy, Abe!”

Abe’s eyes darted to the field entrance, where Mihashi was just leaving with Sakaeguchi. Without thinking, his feet moved, and his mouth formed his teammate’s name into a shout. “Mihashi, wait!”

Mihashi froze in his tracks, wincing, looking back at Abe with wide eyes. Abe slowed his sprint to a light jog so the poor guy wouldn’t think he was about to be tackled or something.

Abe looked at Sakaeguchi. “Hey, uh…could we have a minute? I need to talk to him.”

Sakaeguchi looked surprised, but he nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, Mihashi.”

“U-Um…o-o-okay…” Mihashi stammered just as Tajima caught up to and passed Abe. “Bye, Tajima.”

“Later, Mihashi,” Tajima replied, grinning wide and sneaking a quick wink at Abe before he joined up with Sakaeguchi and they left the field.

Now it was just the pitcher and the catcher, again in absolute silence.

Crap, Abe thought. Now what? How do I do this without freaking him out even more? “Look, Mihashi, I…I need to know something. I want you to be honest, okay?”

Mihashi nodded a little too fast, but Abe shrugged it off. That was normal. This was normal.

“Do you want me to tickle you again?”

“Eep!” The pitcher squeaked, taking a step back. “I-I-I d-don’t know w-what you’re t-talking a-a-about…”

“Is that why you keep staring at me all the time?”

“N-N-No! It’s l-like you said!” Mihashi was rushing through his reply in the way he always did when he was lying. Even Abe could see that much. “I j-just thought you h-hated it, and I didn’t want you to hate me, so I stopped—”

“I don’t hate you, you idiot.” Abe said it without thinking, but once the words were out he realized they were true. Both of them blinked at each other in surprise. “You drive me crazy sometimes, but I don’t hate you. None of us hate you. You’ve got to stop thinking that.”

Mihashi was silent, but it was clear he was either uncomfortable, nervous, disbelieving, or all of the above.

Abe crossed his arms. “Do you want me to tickle you again?”

The pitcher pressed his lips together and shook his head, slowly.

“Don’t shake your head at me unless you mean it,” Abe snapped. “You idiot, it’s just tickling! Why are you so nervous about it? If you want me to tickle you, just ask!”

Mihashi looked like he was going to pass out from his nerves, but he pulled himself together and took a deep breath. “I w-w-w-want you t-to,” he managed in barely a whisper. He wasn’t looking at Abe anymore. “I do. But I…you said it was s-stupid, so I didn’t want to ask. N-Not that I could, anyway…”

Abe had had just about enough of this. He grabbed Mihashi’s ribs and dug in, too frustrated to enjoy the shrieking giggles he got for his efforts until after he’d gotten in the last word in. “I told you, I don’t care if you like it. There’s nothing wrong with liking it.” Then he smirked, carefully guiding the pitcher to the ground when Mihashi’s knees gave out from under him.

“W-Wahahahahahait! Abe!” Mihashi squealed, reaching for his wrists. “Ehehehehehehehe!”

“Wait? Haven’t you waited long enough?” Abe chuckled, squeezing his sides, waist, thighs. “Are you happy now? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Nohohohohohohoho!” Mihashi protested, giggling nonstop and writhing on the ground, dirtying his uniform even more. “N-Nohohohohohot if y-yohohohohohou thihihihihihink it’s stuhuhupid!”

Abe frowned, feeling like crap all over again. “I don’t think it’s stupid, Mihashi. Stop worrying about that.”

“Thehehehehehen why dihihihihihid you say thahahahahahat it was?”

How was communication easier for them this way? “Because you were tickling me and I wasn’t thinking straight, obviously! Jeez, dude, you’ve got to stop taking everything so seriously.”

“Buhuhuhuhuhuht—!”

“No buts,” Abe insisted, reaching a hand up to scribble in Mihashi’s underarm, grinning at the loud screech he got. He quickly straddled the pitcher and went for it, sensing an opportunity to get him to let go of his anxieties, even if only for a moment.

Mihashi threw his head back and laughed harder than Abe had ever heard before.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STAHAHAHAHAHAP!!” Mihashi squealed, his arms shoved down to his sides, upper body twisting uselessly, legs kicking. His laughter was surprisingly bright and sweet for someone who was usually so reserved. It was like a waterfall of happy sounds.

“Stop? Seriously? But I just started.” Abe kept it up for a few more moments, then slowed down, deciding it best to check in. “You okay? Do you really want me to stop?”

“N-No!” Mihashi cried, loud and clear for once. “N-No, don’t stop, I like it, you can keep – AHAHAHAHAHA GOHOHOHOHOHOING!!”

Abe couldn’t help but smile, feeling slightly better for getting his pitcher to be honest about what he wanted – maybe even needed – for once. “Then I will keep going. Because this isn’t stupid. It’s…” The catcher hesitated. “It’s actually kind of fun.”

“IHIHIHIT IS?!” Mihashi squealed, surprise evident through his hysterics.

“Yeah.” Abe bit his lip to keep from smiling any bigger. “It is.”

[sithsecrets]

release | din djarin x reader

A difficult hunt has Mando in a huff, and his crewmember knows just what he needs.

---

2.9k words

mentions: mando’s frustrated but not mean in the slightest, blowjobs, general musings on sex

---

Some hunts are easier than others— that’s one of the first things the Mandalorian told when you joined his crew. You’d thought that was a fair answer to the question you’d ask, and it made a lot of sense at the time because of course bounties have levels like practically anything else. Some people are stupid, others are smart…  A simple bail jumper’s probably not going to be much of a challenge, but a spice smuggler or a member of an organized crime ring? That could be difficult.

Before this assignment, you’d thought you knew what a difficult hunt looked like. There was the pimp on Jakku that led Mando on a chase for three days in the dessert, the pair of bail-jumping brothers that ended up being very well-connected to some very scary spicemakers, and a few other quarries that stick out in your mind. But Mando’s most recent mission…

This whole thing was a clusterfuck from the start. Karga had called it a “special quest” when he offered up the puck, and you’d been right there at Mando’s side when he asked for the price. The number that came out of Karga’s mouth was absolutely insane, almost too good to be true.

There was a catch, of course. The quarry is a member of an alien species known for their sameness— each being looks identical, no sex, no gender, no differentiating characteristics. To make a hard job even harder, the quarry’s…. a bad person. They’re dangerous, armed to the teeth, and known to leave a lot of collateral damage in their wake. And they’re rich. Unbelievably rich. The kind of rich that makes a person bulletproof, the kind of rich that lets a person disappear at will like they never existed in the first place.

Yet despite all of this, despite how difficult the task seemed, Mando accepted the puck anyway, and now you’re here in the Crest wondering what the fuck you’re going to do with him.

Four dead-end leads and three planets later, you think Mando’s going to crack. He came back to the ship earlier in a huff, announcing that you, he, and the baby would be going to yet another location to track this person down. Quiet rage has been radiating off of him ever since, the anger Mando feels slipping out here and there in all the wrong ways. He was less patient with the Child earlier when he was putting him down to sleep, and Mando’s tone was clipped when he declined your offer to make him something to eat. You try not to take any of his behavior personally, knowing good and well that Mando’s running on empty. The stress of this hunt has been immense, and you’re not sure if he’s been sleeping or eating like he should during his days away. Knowing how Mando takes care of himself in the best of times, though…

The man needs to relax, you think. He needs a good meal, something warm and filling, and a good night’s sleep. Mando also needs to blow off steam, needs to fight or scream or fuck—

You force yourself to clear that thought from your mind, even as you prepare yourself for what you’re about to do. It’s gamble, to say the very least— this could cost you your job, your place next to the Mandalorian. You don’t think you could stomach it, being sent away by this man that you care for, but something has to be done— about Mando’s agitation and your feelings for him.

Drawing in a deep breath, you stand before the ladder the leads up the cockpit, gathering every bit of courage you have. “Mando,” you call, hoping he won’t react too poorly to be disturbed right now. He went off hours ago, shutting himself away up there to “look over some intel,” whatever the fuck that means.

“What?”

The word comes out short, but not angry, and you figure it’s fine to go on.

“Can I come up?”

Mando doesn’t give you much in the way of an answer, but the noise he makes is affirmative enough. You climb up the ladder, the rungs cold on your bare feet, and then you’re there in the cockpit. Mando’s just as tense as he was when he went up here in the first place, shoulders drawn taut, eyes trained on a hologram in front of him. It looks like some sort of map, though the lines and colors mean little to you.

“How’s it going?”

He doesn’t even turn his head. “Fine.”

You watch Mando for a moment, nervous as you consider how to play this.

“Don’t you think you should rest, Mando?” you ask, coming to stand beside the pilot’s chair. He’s still hasn’t looked at you, hasn’t so much as glanced in your direction. “You need to eat, and I think sleeping would—”

“I’m not tired,” Mando cuts, and it takes everything in you to bite back your frustration.

“Yes, you are. You’re exhausted, and probably hungry, and even the baby can sense it.”

You don’t get a word of acknowledgement from the Mandalorian, not so much as a fucking syllable, and you finally slip just the slightest bit.

“Mando,” you declare, tone firm and demanding, and finally, finally, you have his full attention.

“Yes?”

Exasperation is clear in the Mandalorian’s voice, but he’s looking at you know, turning the pilot’s chair in your direction. One or two steps closer, and you’d be standing right between his legs, close enough to reach out—

Focus.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” you huff, hands on your hips. “You know I’m right. I know this quarry’s been hard to catch, but you’re starting to slip.”

Once again, Mando leaves you sitting in silence, though it would seem that some of the fight’s left his body. Carefully, you inch forward, and just the slightest thrill runs up your back when Mando opens his legs to make room for you.

“I’m worried about you,” you confess, voice softening. “I don’t want you to wear yourself out.”

Mando’s sigh is long and tired, but he’s out of energy to argue any further. “You’re right,” he concedes. “I— Maybe I am going a little too hard.”

“Of course I’m right.”

You take no real pleasure in this, but you are glad to hear Mando admit that he needs to slow down. With that done, though, it’s time for you to be brave, perhaps braver than you’ve ever been in your life.

“You need to relax, Mando,” you say softly, reaching out to rub at his arm. The visor follows your every move, but Mando trains his eyes right on you when you murmur, “Let me help you.”

“How— What do you mean?”

You’ve got the Mandalorian stuttering, and something about that boosts your confidence to a dangerous level. It almost feels like it’s not you that sinks down onto the floor, dropping onto one knee and then the other between Mando’s legs. Your fingers are on his belt for no more than a second before he’s reaching out, before he’s pushing your hands away and jolting in shock.

“Whoa, mesh’la, that’s not—”

“Necessary?” you cut, cocking your head. “I think that it is, Mando. You need to relax.”

“Yeah, but I don’t— You’re not obligated to—”

“Of course I’m not obligated. I want to do this, Mando. I want to take care of you.”

You settle on your knees and twist your hands out of Mando’s gentle grasp, the leather of his gloves cool on your palms. His fists clench and unclench under your touch, anxious and fidgety, and you feel the need to pause for just a moment.

“Mando,” you say softly, squeezing his hands, “I know what you need, and I’m happy to give it to you. But if you don’t want this, tell me now. I’ll go back down to the hull, you can go back to your map, and we never have to talk about it again.”

Mando hesitates, and you find yourself wondering if you this was a good idea.

“You actually want to do this? You— To me?”

You nod. “I really do.”

Finally, after a few more seconds of tense silence, Mando lets himself relax. You feel it, the way the muscles in his thighs go slack under your arms, the rest of his body sagging back in the pilot’s chair. Eyes track your every movement as you unbuckle Mando’s belt, though you see nothing but the blackness of the visor when you glance up. He’s good help, shifting from side to side as you try to tug his pants down just the slightest bit, and then there’s nothing left for you to do but start.

The moment you lean down to kiss the head of Mando’s cock, you’re blindsided by just how much you missed this. It’s been so long since you had sex with another person, so long since you felt the weight of a man on your tongue in this way. And the smell, Maker, the smell… You get lost in what you’re doing, focused on nothing but the feel of Mando’s cock in your mouth and the throbbing between your thighs. So lost, in fact, that it takes you about ten seconds too long to realize that you’re being touched.

Sometime between you undoing his belt and this very moment, Mando took off his gloves and threaded his fingers in your hair. He doesn’t pull or push or so much as try to control what you’re doing, but there’s a pressure there, a warmth. It would be inconsequential if Mando were someone else, the fact that his hand is bare against your scalp, but he isn’t. Such a simple gesture, and yet…

You sit back on your heels and catch your breath, one hand stroking Mando’s cock at a steady, even pace. A noise indicative of something not unlike despair slips out of the modulator that same instance, so quick and so quiet that it’s almost lost in the static, and not for the first time do you find yourself cursing the fucking helmet. You ache to see Mando’s face, you ache to see his whole fucking body…

“Are you feeling better?” you purr, mouth slick with drool as you talk. You’re not sure Mando likes you all sloppy and ruined like this, but you think it’s safe to go out on a limb just this once.

“Yes,” Mando grits, body shuddering when you lean down to kiss his cock. You take private pleasure in that, thrilled by the notion that a person like you could affect a person like him in such a way.

“Would you feel even better if you came down my throat? Or do you want to see it on my face instead?”

Mando keens, and you feel all-powerful.

“In your mouth,” Mando answers, fingers coming up to stroke your cheek. He sounds shaky, and you let up on his cock just the slightest bit. “I don’t— You don’t deserve to have someone make a mess of you.”

“I don’t mind a mess,” you say, because you don’t, not if Mando’s the one fucking you up. “Maybe next time I suck you off I’ll let you cum on my tits. I—”

“Now you’re just fucking with me,” he groans, squirming in his chair like he can’t help it.

“I’m not,” you purr, “I promise you I’m not. You can do anything you want to me, Mando, I mean that. I’ll lie there and take it—”

“Maker, your fucking mouth,” Mando cuts, breath ragged. “If you keep fucking talking, I’ll—”

He never gets to finish the sentence, words crumbling into nothing as you abandon your little game. You suck him off in earnest, using your tongue, paying special attention the places that make him jerk in his seat when you so much as breathe on them. It doesn’t take him long to fall apart, and you try your best to take it all, swallowing obediently like the taste is nothing to you. And how could you care about something as inconsequential as of the flavor of Mando’s cum when his cock is pulsing in your mouth, when he’s groaning and fisting his hand in your hair…

Listening to Mando cum, feeling him cum makes you drunk off arousal, but you force yourself to tamp down the feeling. He’d fuck you if you asked, rub your clit and let you clench on his fingers until you came at the very least, but this just… isn’t about you. No, this was something for Mando, a way for you to help him calm down, and you don’t want to ruin whatever peace he’s found by making demands. You’ll get yours soon, if you’re patient, and that’s more than okay right now.

Mando seems tired when you finally pull off of him for good, body sagging under his armor like simply holding himself upright would be a chore. You feel shy under his gaze, all your confidence and bravery slipping further and further away by the second. This was something you’d neglected to think about when you formed this plan in your mind, the after. Sucking Mando off and making him feel better is all well and good, but you still have to look at him, still have to go to sleep tonight and wake up in the morning knowing this happened. Knowing that he knows this happened…

Slowly, ever so slowly, Mando musters up a bit of strength, pulling up his pants and doing up the fly as you watch from your place on the floor. You’re half expecting to be dismissed when he’s done, and that’s why it’s such a shock when Mando leans forward to hold your face in his hands.

“Come here,” he says softly, and you don’t have to be told twice.

Your legs burn when you stand up, and your knees ache from kneeling like you did. None of that matters though, not when Mando sits you on his thighs and wraps his arms around your body. You’re facing him, legs dangling just above the floor on either side of his. The beskar is cold and hard against your skin, but Mando’s hands are warm, the expanse his palm soothing down the plane of your back. Up and down, up and down, up and down the heat travels, breathing life into something delicate and raw inside your chest. You thread your arms around Mando’s neck after a few minutes, glad that he’s still not talking. Something about his affection has you choking up, and you’d rather die than give yourself away. It’s the silence, you think, the way he says so much without speaking a word.

“Thank you.”

The words come out in a staticky whisper, the sound of them crackling in your ear. And though it pains you to do so, you sit up and look at Mando properly, missing the warmth of his neck the minute it’s gone.

“It was… You don’t have to thank me,” you say softly, fiddling with the collar of Mando’s shirt. You wonder where his cape is and why he took it off in the first place, though you’re not exactly sad to see it go. “Are you hungry? I made you a plate earlier even though you said you didn’t want to eat. It’s still good if you want it.”

“I do have to thank you,” Mando insists, holding your chin in his fingers. “You take good care of me, cyar’ika.”

Cheeks hot, you refuse to meet his eyes. “Well, it’s not like you don’t deserve it.”

You want to ask him what those names mean, the one he called you just now and the one he blurted out earlier when he tried to stop you. But you think it might ruin the mood, and so you swallow the question like you swallowed the lump in your throat a few minutes ago.

“If you go lie down in my bed,” Mando says slowly, one hand trailing down, down, down your shivering back, “I’ll take good care of you too.”

And though the very idea of what that could mean has you ready to run down the ladder as fast as you can, you shake your head.

“I just want to go to sleep, Mando,” you tell him, “I’m tired. And I know you are too.”

Mando’s going to protest, he’s going to insist he pay you back, this much is made clear by the way his hands tighten around your hips. But you cut him off before his tongue can so much as form the words, pressing your chest against his, rolling your hips…

“But when you catch the quarry, we’ll do whatever you want. I said you could do anything to me, remember?”

The Mandalorian’s breath hitches, and you know then that you have him.

“This was a release,” you explain, ducking your head to press you lips to whatever skin you can. The helmet does a good job of concealing his jaw, but not every bit of his neck is hidden away. “That will be a celebration.”

Mando huffs through the modulator, though you think his discontent is all for show.

“Fine,” he concedes, “but you better be waiting for me in that fucking bed when I get back.”

[dickwheelie]

heyyyy coming in a few days early with the “expression” prompt for @aspecarchivesweek! just a lil something about jon wearing a shirt he doesn’t like. enjoy!

(also on ao3)

_______________

All of Jon’s clothes are in greyscale.

Well, this isn’t entirely true—some are a very light tan, or a dingy brown. One mothbitten vest is a glaring 70’s orange that Jon deeply dislikes, so it stays at the back of his closet. These are the clothes he inherited from his parents and possibly also his grandparents, which he can’t bring himself to throw away. The rest, however, strictly range from white to black, practical to a fault.

Jon has a working theory that he may be the first person in history with an allergy to clothing stores. Entering one instantly stresses him out, and all he wants is to get what he came for and get out as quickly as possible. Figuring out how to match colors, as he eventually learns by the time he’s in uni, is a waste of time and consideration. Much easier and simpler to only buy clothes in shades that match no matter how you swap them out.

Of course, there are exceptions, and as life goes on in its chaotic and unaccountable way, he acquires items of clothing he wouldn’t otherwise have picked for himself. A colorful sweater from Georgie as a birthday gift. A free T-shirt from a uni event. He keeps these things for their sentimental value, but rarely wears them out of the house.

However, sometimes life is not only chaotic but also utterly unmanageable. And sometimes Jon finds himself with a promotion he doesn’t really know what to do with, an entire archive to organize, and less time than he’s ever had to do laundry.

And, well. One has to wear something to work, doesn’t one.

This is what Jon keeps telling himself as he miserably pulls on the last clean shirt left in his flat. He should know; he’s checked four times, and if he checks a fifth he’ll be late for work. He gives himself a glance in the small, dirty mirror stuck to the inside of his closet door, and looks away almost immediately, strangely embarrassed.

It’s just a long-sleeved, striped T-shirt, which is maybe a bit unprofessional for the workplace, but it’s not as though anybody minds how the people who work in the basement dress. The problem comes from its colors. Well, one of its colors. Three of them—black, grey, white—are perfectly suitable for Jon. But following those, at the bottom of the shirt, is a glaring, bright violet.

The shirt is a casualty of the aforementioned chaos of life. A friend of an acquaintance had given it to Jon to wear to a pride parade several years back, which he had ended up skipping out on anyway. Since then the shirt had been kept out of sight and mind, packed into the back of Jon’s closet for a rainy day that he’d never really expected to arrive.

There’s a first time for everything, Jon thinks, almost reflexively. The words don’t mean much to him, philosophically speaking, but they are a steadying mantra nonetheless. He goes to pull on his coat; by some measure of luck, it’s a cold day out. He plans not to take it off again until he’s safely back in his flat that night.

The trouble is, of course, that wearing one’s coat while making tea in the break room in an adequately-heated basement looks rather conspicuous to one’s coworkers, and leads to questions.

“You feeling alright, boss?” Tim asks, as he retrieves his bagged lunch from the fridge.

“Yes,” Jon says, stiffly. “Perfectly fine. I’m just cold.”

Sasha, who has followed Tim in, says, “Not sick, I hope.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” Jon says again, though he is beginning to feel a bit overheated. “It’s just cold in here. You don’t feel cold?”

Tim and Sasha shake their heads, looking concerned.

“I’m fine,” Jon says for the third time in thirty seconds, and promptly flees the break room.

By late afternoon, Jon is sweltering, and has no choice but to take off the coat. He’s careful to close his office door before he does so, resolving to put it back on if he needs to be seen by anyone for the rest of the day.

Though the garish violet stripe in his periphery is distracting at first, he loses himself in his work soon enough, spending an hour or two tearing through a stack of statements that are, by and large, utter nonsense.

He loses himself in his work so much, in fact, that when there’s a knock at his office door, he says “Come in,” without thinking.

“Hey, Jon,” says Tim as he enters, “d’you have a copy of statement zero-one-three-two . . .”

Tim’s voice drifts off, and Jon looks up, irritated. “Zero-one-three-two-what?”

Tim’s staring at him, an eager expression on his face, and Jon’s stomach goes cold. He looks down at the shirt, remembering, and stops himself from groaning. If he doesn’t react, maybe Tim will leave it alone. “What number were you looking for, Tim?” he says instead, very calmly and professionally.

But of course it doesn’t work. Tim’s face breaks into a smile, and he gives Jon a big, showy once-over. Jon rolls his eyes even before the words are out of Tim’s mouth. “Looking good, boss.”

“Tim, I have even less patience for sarcasm than usual, so if you could please—”

“Who said anything about sarcasm? You look good! Casual, ah, Tuesday suits you, Jon.”

Jon puts his elbows up on his desk and massages his temples. “I ran out of laundry.”

“Ah, been there.” Tim seems to have taken Jon’s resignation as an invitation, because he helps himself to the chair opposite Jon’s desk. “Wouldn’t have pegged you for the pride flag type, though. Don’t even think I’ve seen you with laptop stickers.”

“No,” Jon says, “I’m not. Not usually. This is just the only thing I had lying around. It’s from years ago, I never wear it.”

“Aw.” Tim genuinely looks disappointed. Jon wonders if perhaps he’s losing what remains of his tenuous ability to read people. “That’s a shame. You look good in purple.”

Jon has reached a point in his life, he’s fairly certain, where he ought to have heard such a comment before, or at least know the proper response. In actuality, he cannot recall a single instance of someone in his adult life complimenting his choice of fashion. He looks down at the shirt again. It’s the same as it was before: too-bright and obvious. He highly doubts it could look good on him in any shape or form. “Um. Thank you?” he says, sounding more bewildered than grateful.

“Really! It, like, brings out your eyes, or something. I dunno, but I think it’s nice on you. Not sure why you went through all the trouble to hide it all day.”

Jon shifts in his chair. “It’s . . . I mean, it’s very loud, isn’t it. And obvious. It’ll just attract attention.”

Tim looks at him for a moment or two. “Jon,” he says, “is this just about the shirt? Or is it also about the shirt?”

“That makes no sense, Tim.”

“You know what I mean.”

Jon, admittedly, does. One of the things he appreciates most about Tim is that they can be honest with one another, if only after some customary back-and-forth. He sighs deeply. “It’s—it’s just . . . a lot. I know it isn’t, really, in the grand scheme, it’s just you and Sasha, a-and Martin, too, I suppose. And it’s London, no one’s going to—it’s safe. I know that. B-But it’s a lot, being seen with everything—out in the open. By strangers. To know that they know. And even if they don’t know, they’ll . . . they’ll probably be able to guess.” He stares down at the scratched, cheap wood of his desk. Long ago, someone had carved a tiny pentagram on the lip of it. If Jon’s sense of humor weren’t buried under three layers of anxiety at the moment, he’d probably find it funny. “And I know it’s childish, to care what a bunch of strangers would think. But I can’t . . . I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t just let it go.”

There’s a painfully long pause before Tim speaks up again.

“Well, I’ve got good news for you, Jon.”

Jon looks up at him warily, and finds that Tim is smiling at him. “What?”

He points at Jon’s coat where it hangs off the back of his chair. “You can put that back on.”

Jon blinks at him.

“At five,” Tim goes on, “you can put your coat back on, button it up, and walk out of here, and when you get back to your flat, Jon, you can do your bloody laundry. And you never have to wear that shirt ever again. Problem solved.”

“But . . .” Jon’s voice peters out before he can come up with a real protest.

“If wearing pride colors makes you feel like that,” Tim says, his voice gentler, “then don’t wear them. Simple as that. Not everybody’s got to carry a flag twenty-four-seven. Or ever. Doesn’t make you any less queer. Hell, even I take the pins off my bag sometimes.” Tim squints into the middle distance, muttering, “I can never seem to get the laptop stickers off, though.”

“But—what about what you said about me wearing purple?” He’s grasping at straws, he knows, but Tim’s argument is quite good. And the thought of never wearing this particular shirt again does sound rather appealing.

“So wear an aubergine button-down every once in a while!” Tim shrugs. “Or don’t! It’s none of my business.” He tilts his head to the side. “Actually, please do wear an aubergine button-down sometime. You’d turn some heads down here.” He pauses. “Figuratively, I mean. I’m sure everyone would be very respectful.”

Jon lets out a startled laugh. “Alright,” he says, feeling lighter. He runs a hand through his hair. “Maybe, sometime, I’ll . . . I’ll try it.”

“I know you like your blacks and whites, Jon,” Tim says, “and I’m not here to tell you how to dress. But if you ever need advice, or want to borrow a colorful, strictly nondenominational shirt . . .” He points both thumbs at himself. “I’m your guy.”

“Okay,” Jon says, and is surprised to find that, in this one, specific case, he is.

“And,” Tim adds, pointing a professorial finger in the air, “it’s not childish to care about what other people think of you. Pretty sure it’s the most universal thing there is. Welcome to the human race, Jon. You’re among us peons, now.”

Jon raises an eyebrow. “How unfortunate,” he says, drily, and Tim cackles.

Jon wears his coat home, keeping it carefully buttoned, and when he gets back to his flat he tosses the shirt into the back of his closet from whence it came. He’s not going to throw it away altogether, of course. It has sentimental value. Someday, maybe, he’ll dig it back up, if only just to look at.

For now, Jon does his bloody laundry.

[cotccotc]

SKZ REACT to...

 ✰ you coming out PART 2 !!

part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by anon ♡ )

genre/s: ot8 reaction headcanon, gn reader, platonic, fluff & humor

wc: ~1.3k

warning/s: descriptions of coming out as non-binary, brief mentions of gender dysphoria, my dumb commentary once again (hehe), these are just my opinions and ideas !!

a/n: i reference the first version of this reaction a few times and i recommend reading it first !! i got some really sweet responses to the original so i hope y’all like this one too :) OH ALSO i should mention that i decided to make it platonic since i found that easier and more natural to write.

✰ CHAN

i feel like even if he already knows a bunch about gender identity, non-binary and genderqueer people, dysphoria, pronouns, etc. he would definitely enjoy you giving him a full rundown on it !! and specifically what your interpretation is and how you identify

BEST LISTENER EVER !!!

do you remember that vlive where felix is talking and chan’s just sitting back and looking at felix with immense amounts of love in his eyes? yeah…

he’d be so. incredibly. proud. of you.

idk why the chan portions of these reactions have both been super sappy but anyways-

he’d be very dedicated to using your preferred pronouns and finding new ways to compliment you !!!

his google search history would most definitely include “genderless adjectives” and “enby dad jokes” and he’d keep a running list on his phone

chan: “what do you say when your non-binary friend is sad?”

you: [dead silence]

chan: “their, their....” [giggles]

KSDFJ

✰ MINHO

my first thought is that he’d be the type to ask for your new pronouns and immediately use them in a sentence.

for instance, say your new pronouns were xe/xem. he’d immediately say, “well, i’m very proud of my y/n, and i love xem very much.”

so then i’d start crying in the background.. blah blah blah omniscient narrator struggles :’)

i can’t see him being anything but casual and accepting !!

if you want to talk about things, he’ll most definitely let you, but if you don’t want to he won’t push.

but regardless, he just wants you to know he supports you in whatever way he can.

would also politely correct people if they misgender you in public !!! he wants you to feel safe !!!!!

i saw him as a wingman in the other reaction but in this context he’d definitely serve as your personal information pamphlet for people who you might not know too well.

random person: “what exactly does that mean?”

you: “it-”

minho: “WELL ACTUALLY-”

✰ CHANGBIN

just like in the first version, he’d get pretty emotional !!

i think he would really sympathize with you even though he can’t fully understand what you had to deal with externally or emotionally.

honestly that would probably make him even MORE emotional.

the fact that he can’t fully relate to those complex feelings would really tug at his heartstrings as he listens to you speak. he really wishes he could understand your struggles more, and maybe even take on the burden for you.

but let’s get less emo, shall we?

ok picture something with me bestie:

first, he casually refers to you using your new pronouns in a group conversation.

next, after the topic changes in the conversation, you look at him while the others continue talking.

this mf WINKS and flashes you the silliest smirk

you let out a little chuckle and you both continue on in the conversation

[end scene]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH anyways-

✰ HYUNJIN

i feel like he might question his own gender identity a little as well sometimes, especially due to what people say online (like calling him “pretty”, the edits some people make, praising him for breaking stereotypes, etc.)

so, he probably understands a bit deeper than some of the other members might.

in that same vein, i think it might make him a little bit emotional to hear your story !!

over the years, i think it’s plain to see that he’s become more comfortable with expressing his more feminine attributes, which has always comforted you as his friend.

he understands the feeling of being uncomfortable with the gender roles one is expected to follow, so he empathizes with you.

in terms of his actual first reaction, i think it would be pretty similar to what i suggested in the other version of this.

(my bias is showing but oH MY GOSH I STILL THINK THIS WOULD BE SO CUTE-)

“woo~” *insert little jazz hands here*

…

[cries] anyways-

you feel really comfortable coming to him with this, and you’re happy when you do !!

✰ JISUNG

maybe it’s because i’ve seen tweets about it, but i feel like this dude knows everything there is to know about modern gender identity topics and neopronouns and stuff

after the initial awkwardness of the conversation (and a big supportive hug ofc) he’d be stoked to talk about it !!

would ask for your pronouns right away !!! he might also do the thing where he uses them in a sentence.

“y/n !!! ze’s so cool !!!!!!!”

i think if he saw someone misgender you (by accident) he wouldn’t correct them for you out of in-the-moment nerves, but he’d be very proud of you if you do it yourself !!

might buy you a snack afterward tbh

but if HE ever misgenders you OHHHHH goodness gracious

HE WOULD FEEL SOOO BAD AH

EVEN IF IT’S LIKE.. THE NEXT DAY

he’d get so very embarrassed and apologetic SDKFJ you’d have to really assure him that it’s not that big of a deal since he’s still adjusting to things, but he’d still feel like he has to make it up to you in some way

would probably buy you snacks again LMAO

✰ FELIX

i think he would be really excited !!

we know felix really loves and is passionate about androgynous/genderless forms of expression, especially in regard to appearance, so he’d probably really enjoy talking about gender and stereotypes with you !!

(if you’re comfy with it, ofc)

honestly, felix would be really encouraging and would help you gain more confidence !!!!!

if you ever feel like trying out a new look, he’d be like “OK BESTIE LET’S GO SHOPPING”

tbh he’d probably try it out with you !! or if you hang out often, he’d probably subconsciously start finding inspiration in your style and adopt it a bit himself

on days where you feel a bit down for whatever reason, especially in regard to dysphoria, his first instinct would be to cheer you up by reminding you how unique and cool you are.

and it’s not just because you’re nonbinary but also because you’re just a super cool person !!!!!!!!!! and i think so too !!!!!!!!!!!! never forget it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so overall, i feel like felix wouldn’t be very hard to come out to once you get over your initial nerves, and the end result would be super fun :D

✰ SEUNGMIN

i think his initial reaction would be pretty similar to chan’s !!

he also seems like the type to be super, super diligent with adjusting to whatever pronouns you feel comfortable using or words you’re okay with him using to refer to you.

(maybe it’s because we know he was a good student and he’s diligent with practicing his english. training his brain to correct itself would be like studying for him lol)

for example, instead of calling you “pretty” or “handsome,” he might even try simply pointing out a part of your appearance that he thinks looks especially great !! something like your eyes, your hair, your outfit, etc.

your hair looks great today, btw. anyways-

aside from that, i think he would just try to be as courteous as possible without making a big deal out of things.

and if he ever slips up with your pronouns, descriptors, etc, he’d be super quick to apologize and correct himself before keeping the conversation going like normal !!

there’s just generally a lot of mutual respect all around :)

✰ JEONGIN

this is somewhat similar to my other version of this reaction, but i think he’d just be really intrigued and a little shocked

IDK WHY I KEEP THINKING HIS ABILITY TO GAUGE THESE THINGS IS SO BAD DKFJ every time i think about someone coming out to him i just can’t help but picture him being like “reaLLY??? since WHEN”

still, something deep within my soul is telling me that jeongin would truly think you’re the coolest person on the planet.

being as he can’t personally relate to this, jeongin would be pretty psyched to hear about your journey to finding out !! kinda the opposite reaction to changbin lol

honestly he’d be a super good listener !!!!

he’d hear you out for however long you explain things to him, and if you ever get a bit emotional, he might smile at you or reach out to hold your hand :’) or both :’’’’’)

then, when you tell him your preferred pronouns he’s like “oH okay !! coOL !!!” lmao

so, he understands the concept and is super happy for you but he just didn’t really expect it !!

tags: @stayndays​, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino​, @freckledberries​,@kisskissbanggang​, @mr-jisung-main​, @childofthecosmos​,@kpopscape​, @skzwriternet​, @hyunsins​, @sleepylixie​, @sunshine-skz​, @vera-liscious​, @moonlit-lixie​, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​, @sunshine-skz​ ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[sage-nebula]

Game Review — Blue Fire

One of my all-time favorite game series is The Legend of Zelda. My favorite game of all time is The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. And my second favorite game of all time is Hollow Knight. So it would make sense, then, to think that a combination of the two would be the most amazing thing the world had to offer me.

Overall Score: 7/10

Well . . . it could have been better. It also could have been worse, absolutely, but it also could have been better. For more detailed thoughts, jump below the cut (and view on blog due to formatting).

The Pros:

The graphics and animation are beautiful. The specific Zelda game the graphics brought to mine (despite the color palette, which was clearly more Hollow Knight inspired) was The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. Whatever reason the developers had for going the cel shaded route (maybe they had an artistic vision in mind, or maybe it was easier somehow) it was a good one to make. In particular, all of the glowing and flame effects were lovely, the shadows all fell in the right places, the characters were charming to look at, et cetera. Everything worked well with the acrobatics as well. Visually, the game is beautiful.

For the most part, the platforming is fair and even platforming challenges are doable with enough practice. This is particularly true for the overworld / main dungeons, rather than the Voids, which are more extra dungeons that you don’t have to complete to beat the game (although doing so certainly makes the game easier given that each completed Void gives you another life heart). While there were some areas where the game lagged for whatever reason and threw off crucial timing, as well as some Voids that were definitely more Platform Hell than simply platforming, the platforming puzzles were very well put together for the most part and were enjoyable to play.

The fast travel system, when unlocked, is incredibly convenient and takes a lot of the headache out of traveling around the world, particularly given that you use the shrines for a number of things (fast travel, saving, char—spirit equips) and there aren’t any maps present in this game whatsoever. It does take some time to unlock fast travel and you’re not exactly pointed in the direction to get it (in fact I had to look up to figure out where I was supposed to go to get it), but once you have it it’s a well-developed system that took a lot of pain out of playing that would have otherwise been there.

A minor thing that I liked, but (just like in Hollow Knight) when you die, your spirit or soul is left behind. Also like in Hollow Knight, it keeps all of the money you had on you when you died. Essentially, it is the exact same thing as the Shade from Hollow Knight, but white instead of black. Anyway, the minor thing I liked about this is that if you die in a boss fight, your spirit waits for you directly outside the boss arena, meaning that you don’t have to try to reclaim it while the boss is trying to kill you. It was a nice bone the developers threw the player.

While no tracks in particular standout, and while the OST doesn’t live up to the OSTs of the inspirations behind this game, there were times when the music was very nice, which is always a plus.

While the main quest is very short, there are numerous sidequests you can do even apart from the Voids that give you things to do in each area, making them feel a little less small and giving you a bit more time with the game, as well as unlockables as rewards (mainly in the form of new costumes, but still). There are lots of little secrets hidden around in each area too, which is nice to discover if you’re someone like me who loves exploring in games. 

The Neutrals:

The story. The story is . . . how do I put this . . . okay. So, it’s clear the developers wanted to write a story with the aesthetic of Hollow Knight (ruined kingdom, lots of shadow / light dichotomy, fallen kingdom, et cetera), but with an overt storytelling style like The Legend of Zelda. So you get a lot of exposition about what happened in the past, and what you as the main character are supposed to do now . . . but the thing about the exposition is that not only is the same thing repeated about fifteen different times (such as the constant harping on about how the main character contains both light and shadow within them), but also there are huge chunks of seemingly important detail that are just left unexplained. Like for instance: we know that the Fire Guardians from the Fire Keep were one of the last strongholds against the Shadow (who was also the sixth god and has also corrupted the queen yadda yadda). And we can extrapolate that the Fire Guardians were specifically trying to create a warrior that was both light and shadow based on the fact that the game starts with the main character breaking out of a test tube with a bunch of corpses that look just like the player scattered around, seeming to be failed experiments (i.e. just like how the Pale King created the Hollow Knight in Hollow Knight). But the only Fire Guard that we see around is Von. I think he mentions briefly once that the Fire Guards were trying to make the warrior, or had made the warrior, or something like that, but we’re never told why, exactly. We don’t know what processes led to that. We don’t know who was in charge. We don’t know why this specific type of warrior was needed except “since you have both you may be the answer.” And the fact that there were apparently a bunch of failed experiments is never really touched upon either. Furthermore, we’re told that the five gods had lifted Penumbra (the world) into the sky to protect it from the Shadow (a la Hylia raising Skyloft to protect the people from Demise), but that it didn’t work and the Shadow ultimately got to them anyway. So allegedly this is a post-apocalyptic land. But the only thing to really be ravaged is the Temple of Gods, where apparently the corrupted queen sleeps. Everyone else seems mostly fine as long as they avoid the monsters? It’s like they were going for what Hollow Knight did, but didn’t quite want to go the full route of having corpses literally everywhere on-screen at all times. Although weirdly enough, there is also a distinct lack of NPCs which makes the world feel more empty than Hallownest despite the circumstances . . . What I’m getting at here is that there definitely is a story, but it was told in a way that was pretty sloppy. It’s not so sloppy that it detracts from the overall experience, but it’s like too much was piled on in some areas and not enough was explained in other areas. Or like they took some things they liked from other games (e.g. making the creation of the “warrior of light and shadow” reminiscent of the creation of the Hollow Knight) without following through on what made those things work. Like it wasn’t just that there were a lot of failed Knights and that their corpses were tossed into the abyss and that The Knight had to try to claw his way out (as did Broken Vessel and others) while the “successful” Hollow Knight was raised by the Pale King. It was also that we know that the entire reason why the Hollow Knight was created in the first place was to contain the Radiance / the Plague. It was also that these hundreds or thousands of corpses were the Pale King’s children. It was also that the Pale King has a monologue over that segment saying, “no mind to think, no will to break, no voice to cry suffering” as requirements for the Hollow Knight to be considered successful. The horror didn’t come just from the corpses being tossed down the pit around you as you had to climb up in an attempt to get out, but also at all of the surrounding context, which was left entirely out of Blue Fire’s version with the warrior of light and shadow. Not that they should have copied it (although if they had it really wouldn’t have been surprising), but it’s clear what they were trying to do and where they failed because they didn’t have the follow through to go with it. I feel like the above paragraph is so critical I should move it to The Cons, but I do want to say that I don’t think the story itself was terrible. It borrows so much from both Zelda and Hollow Knight that it really isn’t original and it doesn’t follow through on things that made those stories work, but overall it doesn’t ruin the experience, even if all of the repetition gets old pretty quickly. Although as a final note, I’ll also add another thing that bugged me, which is that we never learn what the people of Penumbra are. Like we know the Shadow is bad, but they all look like Shadow people. We know there are creatures called “onops” but we don’t know what they are, or if everyone is an onop. Whereas in Hollow Knight we know that all the characters are bugs. It’s just another little thing that wasn’t explained but probably should have been.

On a less long note, the combat is also pretty mediocre. Again, it’s not bad. There is a parry system that, if you learn to time it right to actually pull off the parry, is pretty cool. But although you are given magic, which is useful for killing long-distance enemies, the magic can’t do a single thing for you in boss battles no matter how many times you upgrade your mana. Additionally, it is very much a “mash Y to win” type of game, where Y is the button you use to attack and you just mash that while jumping around. There’s no complexity to the combat at all or any strategy that is really required. It’s not bad, per se, but it’s nothing to write home about either.

The charms in this game are called spirits, and while you can buy a majority of them from shopkeepers, you can also “capture” your own by coming across the spirit of a dead person and trapping it to use its power for yourself. This is made apparent when you go back to a young child who is dead the second time you go to see them, and capture their spirit for use. Also when you literally murder an NPC for a sidequest and then later capture their spirit to use for your own use. And aside from the sidequest giver being horrified you killed the NPC and telling you to keep it hush-hush (without even knowing that you can and will capture the spirit of that murder victim for your own use) this . . . is never really remarked upon. Ever. And the thing is, it creates a sort of dissonance, because your character is treated as a hero in this game. No one seems horrified by you, there’s never any question of whether your existence is moral or not, nor any reason to think that your character would be amoral. In Hollow Knight, the Knights were created to be soulless husks who were there to be vessels for the Radiance / infection. Hornet in particular calls out your cursed existence and how she does not like you because of it. But although you can learn “emotes” from statues (which is teaching your character either actions or emotions, it’s unclear), no such deal is made here. So this aspect of the game is strange, even if I can at least appreciate that they tried to make their spirits a tiny bit different from Hollow Knight’s charms. Though with that said . . .

The Cons:

It’s one thing to be inspired by other games, but the sheer amount that this game cops from The Legend of Zelda and Hollow Knight is, at least to me, incredibly distracting. Just a handful of examples off the top of my head: — In Hollow Knight, you have a Shade that lingers where you last died and keeps all of your money from when you died. In Blue Fire, you have a spirit / soul (again, it’s unnamed) that lingers where you died and keeps all of your money from when you died. You have to retrieve them before you die again to get your money back. — In Hollow Knight, you have different circular charms that each have a different design, name, and grant you different abilities. You can only have a certain amount equipped at a time (though you can increase how many you can equip at once) and you can only equip them at save points. In Blue Fire you have different spirits that are contained in circles that each have a different design, name, and grant you different abilities. You can only have a certain amount equipped at a time (though you can increase how many you can equip at once) and you can only equip them at save points. — Everything I explained above about how the main character breaking out of a test tube at the beginning, surrounded by corpses just like them, felt like an echo of the Knight’s creation in Hollow Knight (but again, not as effective for reasons outlined above).  — The default tunic has a hat that is exactly like Link’s from The Legend of Zelda. This is made even more obvious with the dyed green tunics. — The story segment detailing how the five gods created Penumbra was copped from how the golden goddesses created Hyrule from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. To compare the dialogue: Ocarina of Time: “Din. With her flaming arms, cultivated the land and created the red earth.” Blue Fire: “Dina, God of Land. With her mighty body of stone, Dina carved mountains, deserts, and landforms in the earth.” It’s in the exact same cadence, to the point where I half expected the artifact they created at the end of the story to be the Triforce (instead it was called the Oath of Sarana).  — In Hollow Knight, the titular Hollow Knight is housed inside the Temple of the Black Egg, and is in fact locked inside that Black Egg to seal the Radiance / infection. There are three locks on the egg, and each one will only be broken when one of the three Dreamers dies. You have to break all three locks to face him, a corrupted “final” boss. In Blue Fire, the corrupted queen is housed inside the Temple of the Gods. There are three locks on her door, and each one will only be broken when one of the three Shadow Lords dies. You have to break all three locks to face her, the corrupted final boss. — It’s implied that, especially in places like the Temple Gardens, that the humanoid enemies that attack you are not monsters, but are people who were once completely normal and even forces of good who were corrupted by the Shadow. This is exactly like how all of the enemies you face in Hollow Knight (with the exception of, say, Hornet) were also once normal bugs before they were turned into zombies by the infection. I could go on. The point is, it’s perfectly fine to be inspired by something. Hell, it would be hard to find an action/adventure game that wasn’t inspired by The Legend of Zelda at this point. But it’s one thing to be inspired by something, and another thing to completely rip-off your inspiration to the point where the similarities are distracting to your audience. And it’s not just me; when I was looking up the exact dialogue for the story of the gods from Blue Fire, I found others who were pointing out just how similar everything was to Hollow Knight in particular, including someone who, like me, realized that the Temple of the Gods was essentially the Temple of the Black Egg. When things are this blatant, it feels a whole lot less like inspiration and a whole lot more like plagiarism.

The Voids all have a star rating to indicate how difficult they are. These star ratings are completely meaningless. Granted, partly it’s because everyone is going to have different abilities and so it will be hard to create an overall difficulty scoring that will be accurate for every player, but it’s also telling when a four-star course is miles easier than a two-star course, which I found to be the case on more than one occasion due to level design that was, at times, kind of bullshit. 

Although there are NPCs, there are none who are memorable or standout, despite the fact that most of Penumbra’s populace is (maybe?) still alive. Unlike in Hollow Knight, where there were characters like Elderbug, the Last Stag, Hornet, Quirrel, and so forth that were memorable and lovable, all of the NPCs in Blue Fire feel rather the same and are pretty easily forgettable.

The world itself is incredibly small. While the fact there are no maps makes this kind of a good thing, on the other hand it’s a bit disappointing that there are a total of two towns and then a few small connecting areas. It doesn’t really make it feel like the kingdom that it’s supposed to be. 

On that note, why aren’t there maps? The fact that there is fast travel is really more of a necessity than mere convenience because there are no maps to help lead you around. If you put down the game for a while and then go back to it, you might not remember how to get to different areas in the game, and if you haven’t unlocked fast travel yet (since it is something you have to unlock) you’re going to be pretty much boned due to the lack of a feature that is in basically every other game. 

Overall, while this is not a game I think I would ever go back to, it also isn’t one that I regretted purchasing and playing. It could definitely have been better, but it also could have been worse. My only hope is that the next game this studio makes is more original, rather than copying so much from other, more successful titles. (Or at the very least, that they study why certain things worked in more successful titles, instead of just copying at the surface level and calling it a day.)

[sleepingcrisis]

Langa getting hurt and Loveblossom being parents? Who could ask for a better duo??? Everyone the answer is everyone.

Cw: injury, blood, hospital

*****

Adam could count all the times Snow had fallen on one hand. He had been assured that Snow had fallen a lot more then that, but he had a hard time believing it.

Tonight would mark Snow's sixth fall.

'Casual skating' was what tonight was. There had been a time when Adam had done a lot more of it, now it was somewhat rare, but the others in the group he had ended up aligned with said it was fun. That red head, Reki, practically insisted on it. Which begged the question of where he was tonight. Perhaps if he had been there things would have been easier.

"Shit," Adam winced when he watched Snow bail from a trick. He made his way over with a chuckle, "You okay there?" He asked. This reminded him of instances where Cherry or Joe had fallen. They almost always got back up without a hitch even if they really should—

"Fucking hell," Snow hissed. It was the first time Adam had heard him swear. Teenagers swore all the time, but Snow made it sound like venom. He turned over and Adam was stunned for a moment before he sighed.

"I think you broke your nose," he mentioned. An awkward feeling began to overtake him as Snow finally seemed to notice the blood dripping from his nose onto that white shirt he wore (a really bad choice for skating, but Adam refrained from making such comments).

"I did?" Snow asks. He is panting as he touches his nose. What follows is a hiss of pain followed by him making a startled noise when he sees the blood. "I'm bleeding!"

"Well yeah," Adam tries to chuckle, but then Snow— no Langa goes wide eyed and his eyes go glossy. Is he about to cry? A tear streams down his face — shit. "Hey let me take a look," Adam suggests and sets his board down with the grip side down so it won't roll away. Adam isn't good with kids, but Ainosuke is a little better. He carefully takes off his mask and sets it to the side before bringing his hands closer to Langa’s face.

"Don't touch it!" Langa pushes himself away and groans in pain before holding his wrist closer.

"I just need to see if anything is broken, you are gonna be fine," Ainosuke tries to assure him, but clearly it isn't working. Langa won't let Ainosuke near him nevermind touch him, and Ainosuke refuses to touch the kid without his permission.

"When is Reki going to be here?" Langa asks. Ainosuke is very very aware that Langa, even at seventeen, looks, right now, like a scared little kid.

"I'm not sure," Ainosuke says honestly since things are still rather difficult with the red head. He could call Tadashi but there is even less of a chance of Langa letting Tadashi near him then Ainosuke. So he thinks of the next best person. Sorta. It is a shame Joe tends to not carry his phone on him at S.

"What is it Adam? I nearly hit three people taking the corners so sharply—" Cherry had only just arrived when Carla notified him of Adam’s urgent text. It had been vague, but now Cherry could understand what the commotion was. If he were to put it lightly Cherry would say that Langa looks like a frightened wild animal while Adam looks like an untrained vet. And Adam called him. Adam called Cherry, the guy who notoriously doesn't want kids and avoids them. Where the fuck was Shadow? Joe? Maybe Oka? Shit.

"I think his nose is injured," broken. "And something is wrong with his wrist," Adam explains.

"Okay," Cherry says. Under normal conditions with a kid as old as Langa he would tell him to get up and they would go to the hospital. Right now? If Adam is an untrained vet then Cherry is a rookie. Still, he takes a breath before taking his haori off and offering it to the other. It is more inconvenient then anything anyway.

"Gently hold it to your nose. It is bleeding, but it isn't anything bad. I'll drive you to the hospital and Adam will text Reki to meet us there," Cherry explains as gently as he can. Langa takes it with his good hand, thank God. After a moment Cherry is helping him up while Ainosuke carries all three of their boards.

He is crying which is something neither of them have seen, and it kinda stumps them. Neither of them are all that good at whatever it is Joe and Oka do that makes the kids trust them so deeply. Oka spends less time with them, but Kaoru and Ainosuke are perfectly aware that he would handle this better.

"Okay, you can sit in the back and I'll drive while Adam texts Reki?" Kaoru suggests. Langa takes that deal immediately (as if there were any sort of alternative). The boards are put in the back and Kaoru shoves a bag towards Ainosuke, "It has some clothes in it. We are going to a hospital after all."

Ainosuke nods and they are both in the car and a text is sent before Ainosuke is removing what he can and instead covering himself with a hoodie and sweats. His gloves end up in the back, but there isn't anything to do about his boots.

The car ride is painstakingly quiet aside from the small sniffles and pained noises that come from the back along with what is probably sobs. Kaoru is fixing his hair and tugging down his mask while driving so that when they get there they are able to go inside almost immediatly.

"I don't like doctors," Langa mutters as they go inside. Perhaps normally the two older males would roll their eyes or sigh irritatingly at that, but Langa doesn't stop walking and he sounds so upset when he says that.

"Well thank you for coming. They will set your nose much better then either of us could. You don't want us messing it up or else your nose will be crooked," Ainosuke mentions gently, trying his best to comfort him.

"Is Reki coming?" Langa asks as he stays tucked between the two.

"Yes, he will probably be here faster then humanly possible," Ainosuke says with an eye roll. That makes Langa chuckle even as tears stream down his face.

After Kaoru talks with the lady at the desk they are soon guiding Langa to back and Kaoru lets out a sigh as they both slump into chairs in the waiting room.

"How does a skater cry that much from a broken nose?" Kaoru asks as he tilts his head.

"Maybe we should ask Joe. He is the only one of us who ever cried when he got injured," Ainosuke mentions.

Kaoru chuckles softly before sighing and looking off down the hall. The first time they have been alone together in years and this is how it is? Wonderful.

"Did you know giving that to him would make him move?" Ainosuke asked.

"No, but he needed to go to the hospital. If he wasn't going to move then I would call Kojiro and have him lift the kid," Kaoru shrugs.

"Really?" Ainosuke asks. He couldn't see Kaoru doing that, and he couldn't see Kojiro helping.

"No," Kaoru admits. "We would have to wait for Reki, but Reki did mention that Langa had a fear of blood beyond the normal one."

Yes, because normal people are afraid of blood. Normal people don't get risky piercings for the sake of seeing if it will be infected or watching the blood spill. Normal people flinch away when someone raises a hand to them instead of readying themselves to take it. Since when have Kaoru and Ainosuke ever been normal?

"Hey! Is he still getting checked out?" Reki calls. They both turn to see the red head making his way down the hall towards them.

"Yeah, you got here quick. How sweet," Ainosuke teases.

"Well yeah, when a friend is hurt you get there quickly."

"Yeah," Kaoru agrees before grinning, "'friend'," he says. The two older males chuckle at the way Reki’s face matches his hair.

"Thanks for bringing him here. Must have been difficult since he never gets hurt," Reki says.

The two nod slightly and it is clear that Reki is giving them permission to leave, but they stay anyway. They stay because Reki is pacing the halls like a stressed out mother. So Kaoru scoots away from Ainosuke and pats the now empty spot between them. "Take a seat, he is going to be fine."

"I know that," Reki insists even as he takes a seat.

"Have you dealt with this before?" Kaoru asks.

"Well yeah. It usually isn't this bad," Reki says.

"How can we help him better next time?" Ainosuke asks. He blinks and looks at Reki, the two soon making eye contact as Reki looks momentarily confused.

"Oh well I just hope that he doesn't get hurt next time—"

"Skaters get hurt Reki and you might not always be around. We aren't wonderful at whatever charm Joe or Oka have, but we want to help. We genuinely do. We don't want a repeat of tonight," Kaoru cuts him off.

Reki sighs softly and rubs his arm. "Well give him something to stop the bleeding. He will be less freaked out if the blood isn't dripping on him. Let him know he is okay, and ask if he needs to go to the hospital. Blood freaks him out in general," Reki explains, "you would get the same reaction from him if he scraped his knee."

"Really?" Ainosuke asks. "I didn't know he was so scared."

"Well nobody likes to bleed?" Reki mentions without a thought about it. Which is fair, because why in the world would anyone seek out pain? "I mean, aside from you obviously since you are a weirdo," Reki adds on and chuckles softly.

Ainosuke realizes it was directed at him and rolls his eyes. "Whatever," he huffs.

The three sit and wait for awhile until eventually Langa comes out with a cast around his arm. He immediately hugs Reki as the doctor gets up and begins to talk to Ainosuke and Kaoru about how none of his injuries were that bad and about how they should go forward with recovery. The two make sure Langa and Reki are paying attention too since it isn’t like this actually matters all that much to them. Soon they are able to leave with a prescription with pain killers.

"Here you go," Langa offers Kaoru’s haori back to him. It is covered in blood, but at risk of making Langa feel worse Kaoru does take it back and puts it in the back of the car.

"Get in the car, we can drive you to a pharmacy and then take you home," Ainosuke says.

Reki shoves his board in the back before getting in with Langa while Kaoru waits outside when he sees Ainosuke pull out a smoke.

"Seriously? I kinda wanted to hurry this along," Kaoru says but there isn't any bite in his words.

"Do you want me to smoke in your car?" Ainosuke asks.

"No," Kaoru says and rubs his face. "Those things smell like vomit."

"Is it because you puked when you tried to quit?" Ainosuke asks with an eye roll.

"Going from a pack a day to none will do that apparently," Kaoru shrugs. "So are you good?"

"What do you mean?" Ainosuke exhales smoke into the air before looking over to Kaoru.

"You seemed stressed out and you smoked most of that cigarette in one drag," Kaoru says with a shrug.

Ainosuke glances down at his smoke before sighing softly. "I'm not used to people giving a shit when they get hurt," he explains.

Kaoru nods slightly. "So is Langa not as perfect as you thought he was?" He chuckles softly as he asks.

"He never was, I knew that. I just didn't imagine him getting so emotional when he got hurt, is that normal?"

"Fuck if I know," Kaoru says with a chuckle, "Ask Kojiro, you two had to drag me to the hospital when I got hurt."

"Mhm you were kinda an idiot. Still are," Ainosuke says with a chuckle.

Kaoru huffs and hits the back of his head with his hand, "Piss off, if I'm an idiot then that makes you a moron!"

"Is that worse?" Ainosuke asks with a chuckle. The two argue and exchange 'hits' until Reki shouts at them to get in the car or they are leaving. "Yeah get in the car Kaoru," Ainosuke says with a chuckle as Kaoru had been flicking him.

"Whatever," Kaoru huffs before heading back into the car and getting in. Once Ainosuke is in the car they start driving and can hear Reki and Langa basically being back to normal even if it is obvious that Langa is still shaken up.

"You tripped over a rock?" They hear Reki say followed by him laughing and Langa sputtering.

"Shut up! It really hurt," Langa said.

"I know, I know. Are you feeling better now?" Reki asks.

"A little bit," Langa mutters.

A quick trip the the pharmacy and then they are dropping the two off at Langa’s place. Kaoru and Ainosuke get out so Ainosuke can have a smoke and Kaoru can grab their boards from the trunk.

"Langa I don’t want to hear of you skating until you are feeling better, got it kid?" Kaoru says. He has this dangerous look in his eyes that makes Ainosuke smile fondly as Langa nods quickly.

"Okay, no skating," Langa agrees. Kaoru doesn't get enough time to wonder if the kid is lieing when soon he is being hugged by the younger male. "Thanks for taking me to the hospital," Langa whispers.

Kaoru hadn't expected that but he carefully hugs him back anyway even if it is a little awkward. "No problem," he says.

Soon the two adults are waving the younger two off before getting back in the car once Ainosuke is done his smoke.

"So I think I won," Kaoru mentions.

"It wasn't a contest!" Ainosuke snaps immediatly.

"But if it had been?" Kaoru suggests with this teasing smirk as he looks over to Ainosuke.

"You would have won," he agrees with a soft sigh. He leans against the door and subs his face. "Compared to the others though?"

"They weren't available so don't compare me to them," Kaoru scoffs. "You called me and I helped you didn't I?" He doesn't wait for Ainosuke to respond, "So if you ever need me I'm there. Just like with these kids, I'll be there," Kaoru promises.

Ainosuke hesitates before he nods as his face warms, "Yeah. You have always been like that," he whispers as the deja vu hits him. The difference is that Ainosuke has an easier time believing Kaoru now then when they were seventeen. "Thanks Kaoru."

[dolliedarlin]

⏤l o v e s t r u c k 

s u m m a r y : you have a quirk called 'animate' and it's very emotions-based, meaning that if you feel a very strong emotion, you're able to animate things and however strong that emotion is, the stronger it is the things you animate. Also, the pupil of your eyes can change shape or colour in accordance - red for anger and blue for saddness. In battle this is useful for animating weapons and such, however, when you fall in love...it's usefulness isn't always straightforward.

a / n : this is my first time writing for bnha characters so i'm really sorry for any inaccuracies in personalities. also, i, unfortunately, have only been able to think of this imgaine concerning bakugou and todoroki. even so, please enjoy the read!

w a r n i n g s : profanity by the obvious culprit

k a t s u k i  b a k u g o u  

❥ it happened when you saw his passion and drive during practice...

❥ You always held a deep admiration for people who knew what they wanted and fought for it no matter what. Those were your parents, pro heroes who fought for the greater good as well as each other, and you, so you wanted to be like them and make them proud.

❥ Not only that but you were also a fanatic about LOVE.

❥ Your parents may have only had you as their only child but the insurmountable amount of love they had for each other would give birth to over a hundred children.

❥ You wouldn't have minded having younger siblings but you knew that your parents, being pro heroes themselves, were already risking too much with having their relationship public as well as their status as parents.

❥ By hearing them always gushing over how wonderful it feels to be in love and to be loved back as well as seeing how they act around each other - still a pair of love-struck teenagers in love - you were eager to meet the love of your life and fight for him

❥ During training or instances when you have to fight, it's that want to love and be loved that also fuels the power behind your animations. This power has only strengthened the instant you found the person you were destined to stand with forever.

❥ Bakugou Katsuki.

❥ The moment you took the time to look at him, really look at him and understand who he was was during tests and hero training.

❥ He's a skilled fighter with passion and drive. Admittedly, he's as explosive as his quirk and as rude as rude can get but you saw through that every time his eyes narrowed into a focused stare whenever he was fighting or studying.

❥ It really shows through how passionate he is about becoming the number one hero and you found yourself falling hard for him every time you saw the fire behind his eyes.

❥ It was just so attractive; your little heart couldn't take it!

❥ The time you really fell for him was during the final exams.  Yes, he was stubborn but only because he was so determined. Yes, it was a struggle and they almost lost all home but he never gave up. He was the perfect one for you.

❥ Although you were worried and scared for them at the time, your heart skipped many beats and you soon found those hearts being animated around you as you watched on, worried but falling deeply in love.

❥ You know very well that he can protect himself but your love for him encouraged you to protect him at all costs, especially when you saw him in such a vulnerable state. He was never like that so you swore to yourself that you had to get stronger so that he'd never have to be in such a state again.

❥ Not only that but you had to get stronger for yourself as well as Bakugou.

❥ You wanted to protect him but also be worthy enough to stand by his side.

❥ It became easier to train after having fallen for Katsuki, actually. Now that you had someone in mind to push you forward, someone to visualise being by your side through tough times the way he would be there for you as well, only helped you grow stronger and stronger.

❥ Over time, it became obvious to everyone, even Bakugou how deeply in love you were with him. Not a day goes by without you losing your focus during class only to stare at your ash-blonde classmate with animated hearts floating around your head and hearts in your eyes.

❥ Because of that, you found your grades slipping and even though you asked super nicely, even offering a shoulder massage, Bakugou refused to tutor you.

❥ "Now get out of my way heart eyes!" he snapped at you as he shoved you to the side

❥ "But darling~" you whined, "how can I ever hope to become the perfect wife for you if I don't have a good enough education?"

❥ "HEY! Who said I would ever be marrying you?! And Stop Calling Me That!"

❥ "Oh! Would you prefer 'honey', instead? Or 'sweetheart'? Or 'love of my life'?" by now he was a blushing mess but he still had a snarl on his face. The pink in his cheeks was a win for you though so even if he continued to refuse, you wouldn't mind.

❥ "I don't prefer any of those shit names! Now Leave Me Alone!"

❥ "Fine," you grumble with a whimper and he almost felt guilty at the sad look that crossed your delicate features, "I'll just ask Midoriya-kun for help instead-"

❥ "My room! Bring your shit! 6 pm! Don't be late!"

❥ "Oh Darling~ I knew you wouldn't say no to me~"

❥ It was amusing really, to everyone except you and Bakugou, to see your interactions with each other. You were too in love to notice anyone's teasing whilst Bakugou kept being pushed over the edge by his supposed 'friends'.

❥ "Friends my ass," he grumbled as they whispered behind him about how hilarious it was to watch you pinning for him.

❥ It wasn't funny! It was serious! You were serious about him and he knows it, you said it yourself.

❥ "Stop overdoing it dumbass," he glares down at your exhausted, panting form. It seems as though you were doing extra training atop his tutoring sessions.

❥ "but..." you looked up at him with a tired smile, "I can't be the perfect wife until I'm strong enough to stand beside you..."

❥ He didn't know what to say except for, "I'd rather have a wife that can cook and have good grades at school than a dead one from fatigue," he helps you up and takes you back to the dorms. He didn't know why the hell he said that but you didn't say anything so he assumed you just didn't hear him in your worn state.

❥ After that day, however, you insisted on cooking every day and finally got your grades up. You almost beat him in scores, actually. It was surprising but it proved how serious you were about your love for him. He almost became soft for you.

❥ "Stop doing so much heart eyes," he growled as he saw you making breakfast in the early morning.

❥ "But I need to become a good wife for you, Darling~" you chirped happily as you poured him some apple juice, "and to do that I have to be a good cook - just like you said!"

❥ "Tch! How are you so sure you'll stay interested? You'll find someone else eventually," Bakugou always saying nonsense thoughtlessly whenever he was around you and it was beginning to get on his nerves. He didn't care about this shit, so why in the hell was he saying it to you?

❥ "Nonsense," you huffed adorably, hands on your waist as you turned to him with a frown after lowering the heat on your heart-shaped cinnamon pancakes, "you're the love of my life, there's no one else on this earth that I would ever want except you Katsuki," you flashed him a close-eyed smile, "You're my one and only, Darling~"

❥ He begins to shout out of habit before turning away so you don't see his blush, "Shut up with that bullshit! Your dumb pancakes are gonna burn!" you didn't see his face did you?

❥  In your perspective, you still had a long way to go before you could ever reach Bakugou's standards and finally stand by his side when in actuality you had unknowingly made him want to stand beside you by just being yourself.

s h o t o  t o d o r o k i

❥ it happened when you saw him smiling for the first time...

❥ The moment you first met Todoroki, you were determined to make him your friend.

❥ No matter how many times he had pushed you away, you were never deterred, in fact, it only fueled your determination in befriending him.

❥ It hurt you to see someone so closed off and without a clue as to how amazing it felt to feel loved and return that love, whether it be romantic or platonic.

❥ You wanted Todoroki to feel that beautiful feeling as well.

❥ All your life, you always had a very loving home with many younger siblings that you adore taking care of. Despite the occasional tantrums that they would act out, they were still the sweetest kids in your eyes and you would do anything for them

❥ Obviously, growing up in such a warm environment made you a very compassionate and empathetic person, even your quirk stemmed off of that which proved to be an advantage in your journey to becoming a hero

❥ The more emotional you were - regardless of if you were extremely happy or angry - that became your source of power in battles, meaning that the things you animated became all the more powerful on the field. The more you wanted to save someone from evil, the stronger you were.

❥ That was the obvious advantage but...that wasn't the case for when you wanted to be subtle about feeling intense emotions like...

❥ falling in love

❥ You didn't expect it with Todoroki, however.

❥ At the end of the day, he was your dear friend through and through. It took a lot of hard work and persistence for him to finally put his trust in you and return your friendship

❥ You didn't want to sabotage all that hard work. He was just beginning to reciprocate your friendly gestures, gestures that you would almost cry over each time because it felt like such a big step for him.

❥ It made you feel such pride when you saw him lose the cold look in his eyes and finally relax when talking with others and engaging in friendly activities

❥ Admittedly, Todoroki was still blunt and clueless to some things but he had all the time in the world to work on that. Having already taken the first step himself, the momentum for his exploration in emotions and opening up to others had begun and you're sure everything will just fall into place after that.

❥ Of course, he still needed some assistance so you had been helping him understand certain emotions and why people would feel a certain way under different circumstances.

❥ It was honestly the cutest thing and you were beyond happy to help satiate his curious mind on various topics he never had a straight answer for.

❥ EXCEPT for studies...he was better than you in that regard most definitely- yep! He's the one that needs to help you if that were the case.

❥ "I don't understand how you could get such a simple question wrong, (Y/N)..." he mused, genuinely dumbfounded at how horribly you failed at answering the practice question.

❥ "Please just help me, Todoroki-kun," you whined, flushing in shame at how horrible you were at English.

❥ "I apologise," he gives a soft bow of his head as you smile and wave off his apology before... "but I really am curious, even a little bit concerned for you,"

❥ "Just help me!"

❥ Not only did you need help in studies, you needed help with hero training. So you trained together. The two of you were dedicated students and always provided great input on ways of improving technique and approaches towards attacks. You made a perfect oblivious pair.

❥ The time your feelings decided to show was when the two of you had just finished sparing and it had been your turn to pay for an icy treat as a reward for such hard work. After making a short stop at the convenience store, you were now on your way back to the dorms happily chatting with ice creams in hand.

❥ "Is it weird to want to become closer to someone..." Todoroki stares at his icicle curiously, "someone that's close to you and is always there for you?" he feels a warmth in his cheeks that he's always having to suppress around you, it was never easy but he always succeeded.

❥ All he had to do was just think about you being in danger and being unable to help. That set his flustered state back to normal right away despite the sinking feeling he felt in his heart.

❥ "It's normal to feel that way," you assure, taking another taste of your ice cream, "there's no shame in that and it's definitely not weird,"

❥ "Oh," you flash him another reassuring glance as his lips tug up into a soft smile, "I'm glad,"

❥ That was when it happened.

❥ The setting sun had framed his smiling figure with a soft glow and you were instantly the victim of his content disposition. You knew he was handsome but...he looked all the more ethereal when he was smiling - smiling in the sunlight.

❥ The glow made his hair look like freshly fallen snow beside polished rubies as his eyes, one grey and one a paralysing blue captured the twinkling essence of the sunshine perfectly. His chiseled jaw cast a shadow across his neck, further defining his proportioned features as his angular nose gave him the desired picture-perfect side profile.

❥ If he didn't resemble the embodiment of perfection then and there, you don't know what did.

❥ As you stood dumbfounded, Todoroki had turned around, having walked several steps ahead of you and was stunned into his own silence.

❥ There you stood, a meter or so behind him with animated red hearts floating around your head, your stare was fixed solely on him as you let your coned ice cream gradually melt under the heated gaze of the sun; it's stickiness attempting to glue your fingers together.

❥ This wasn't the first time he had seen your animate quirk illustrate your emotions. He remembers you explaining that whenever you felt a strong emotion, whether it be happy or sad, you would lose control of your quirk and it would animate whatever it was that you were feeling.

❥ One time, you had ranked really low on an English test and a raincloud animated itself above you before it proceeded to soak you in rain. That day he had let you borrow his blazer to avoid Mineta's perverted staring and offered his tutelage on the subject.

❥ This is new. He wonders what strong emotion you were feeling. Hearts...what did hearts represent? Love...right?

❥ He looks around before his eyes landed on your icecream. Did you love your ice cream so much that you didn't want to eat it and just let it melt in your hand? He frowns. No, that can't be it.

❥ Could it be him?

❥ "(Y/N)..."

❥ if only he smiled more...-no!

❥"(Y/N)?"

❥ That would mean more people would see his soft handsome features and you can't have that! You are the first person he showed that side of himself to so you should be the only one allowed to ever witness it again-right? Or is that too selfish-?

❥ "(Y/N)?!" thankfully, Todoroki was able to successfully snap you out of your daze.

❥ "O-Oh! Sorry Todoroki-kun," you blushed in apology, looking to the side in embarrassment, only to squeal in shock horror when you notice the hearts floating around you. Shouting nonsense in between constant 'I'm sorry's, you waved the hearts away, "I-I'm really truly s-sor-"

❥ If it weren't for Todoroki taking your free hand in his own and tugging you back along the way to the dorms once more, you would have uttered your hundredth apology but, instead, you were left a stuttering and blushing mess, your animated hearts making their comeback floating around your head.

❥ As soon as you're right next to him, he lets go of your hand and pulls you closer by the waist. By now the hearts have begun to float around him and, although you were embarrassed beyond belief with your gaze fixed to the floor, Todoroki smiled even wider before leaning down to gently kiss your temple

❥ "Now, I know you weren't lying to me," this caught your attention albeit you were still a flustered mess of a person, "this feeling is so normal the other person feels the same way too, right?"

❥ You didn't know how to respond to that. Smile or faint from too much blood rushing to your head?

❥ How about both?

n a v i . | bnha mlist

[nanapandaz]

Cognitive Impairment in Schizophrenia

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, I can’t diagnose you. If you think you have a mental illness please reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional.

For schizophrenics like myself, some of the most stigmatized, and sensationalized symptoms are the positive ones, meaning delusions, hallucinations, and movement disorders to some extent. You see them in textbooks and in the media; seeing, hearing, smelling or feeling things that aren’t real. Believing strange ideas, and this is my own example, like that the alien government lizard people are coming after you. These draw the most attention from the public eye, and I can’t blame them, alien government lizard people is pretty out there. But what about the less talked about symptoms such as negative and cognitive symptoms? Well, this essay will examine the cognitive side of a schizophrenia diagnosis.

According to Columbia University (2016), “many people with [Schizophrenia] also have cognitive deficits, including problems with short- and long-term memory.” They go on to say that cognitive factors can be the most disabling for people, leading to difficulty holding down a job and maintaining social relationships. They don’t have many answers as to the cause or cure for memory problems. Sucks to be us I guess. I personally have a plethora of issues with memory, short term and long term. I find myself lost when the dialogue of TV shows gets even slightly complicated because I immediately forget what was said, maybe that’s just me but it takes a toll on my self-esteem when I can't follow slightly complicated dialogue. But anyway, back to memory. Apparently when a group of healthy controls were compared to a group with schizophrenia, the healthy group, unsurprisingly, did better at memory tasks. In fact the health control groups brains showed increased brain activity the tests got harder and decreased activity when it got easier while the people with schizophrenia showed significantly weaker activity across the board.

According to Bowie and Harvey (2006) cognitive symptoms are the central feature of schizophrenia. As well as that these impairments may even present before the emergence of positive symptoms. They also found that there were “moderate deficits in attention, verbal fluency, working memory, and processing speed, with superimposed severe deficits in declarative verbal memory and executive functioning.” What is executive functioning? Well to quote Goodman (2021), “[e]xecutive functioning skills help you get things done. These skills are controlled by an area of the brain called the frontal lobe.” Things executive functioning helps you do is “manage time, pay attention, switch focus, plan and organize, remember details, avoid saying or doing the wrong thing, do things based on your experience, and multitask” (Goodman, 2021).

I’ll cover some ways to deal with executive dysfunction in a later essay.

Most people with schizophrenia will show some kind of cognitive impairment, but the severity will vary across different people. One interesting thing about these cognitive impairments is that they will remain relatively stable over time. There are some different types of impairments that I will summarize.

General Intelligence

I take some offence at the description that all people with schizophrenia have lower IQ’s, I mean there are/were some very smart people with it, like John Nash, or the people Cernis, Vassos, Brebion, McKenna, Murray, David & MacCabe (2015) studied, finding that there is “a high-IQ variant of schizophrenia that is associated with markedly fewer negative symptoms than typical schizophrenia” However the science seems to be overwhelmingly favourable in the direction that people with it have lower IQ’s as a group. On the other hand, I don’t know what kind of people they picked for their healthy control group, because if they were all university grads then it’s not really fair. So take this with a grain of salt. While the tests say that we are as a group, less intelligent than the “general” population it doesn’t mean you specifically are not intelligent. We can be just as successful as anyone else.

Attention

This one is simple, people with schizophrenia have a deficit in their ability to maintain their attention, this occurs even before the first psychotic episode.

Working memory

I have a terrible working memory, bad enough for it to be considered a learning disability. However I’m not alone in this, many people with schizophrenia have some kind of dysfunction in working memory, and apparently specifically verbal working memory. Bowie and Harvey (2006) state that “Working memory can be conceptualized as the ability to maintain and manipulate informative stimuli.” This is in contrast to attention span, with working memory being more cognitively challenging and attention span being more simple. In working memory, “The information must be held online for processing, but does not necessarily transfer to long-term storage, unlike episodic memory” (Bowie and Harvey, 2006). And poor memory can even affect social and interpersonal relationships because of the inability to pay attention to “multiple streams of information” Bowie and Harvey, 2006).

Verbal fluency

People like us sometimes find it rather difficult to speak in a coherent fashion, I remember many instances where I’ve tried to speak only for word salad to spill out of my mouth, and the looks of confusion and worry on other peoples faces is just great, really what I wanted to happen, not embarrassing at all. This inability to speak is due to “poor storage of verbal information as well as inefficient retrieval of information from semantic network” (Bowie and Harvey, 2006). Furthermore, "information that is stored is not always retrieved as a result of this inability to properly access semantic networks” (Bowie and Harvey, 2006).

Verbal and learning memory

A main impairment of schizophrenia is the difficulty of retaining verbal information. From what I understand, recognition memory seems to be able to work well in most cases, but “the pattern of deficits in schizophrenia tends to be reduced rates of learning over multiple exposure trials and poor recall of learned information” (Bowie and Harvey, 2006). So basically it takes a while for us to learn something but once we do we have good recognition memory. Now, recognition memory is the ability to recall something when you’ve seen it before, so I think what happens is if you’re able to process the information into long term memory you’ll be able to recall when you encounter that information again. Maybe I’m totally wrong, I don’t know.

Executive functioning

Now most schizophrenics have difficulties with most of all of the processes involved with executive dysfunction. Bowie and Harvey (2006) say that “schizophrenia patients have trouble adapting to changes in the environment that require different behavioral responses” which is directly due to issues with executive dysfunction. Furthermore, this “inflexibility” is highly associated with what Bowie and Harvey call “occupational difficulties.” This makes sense, when someone can’t plan, practice self-care, engage in social and interpersonal matters or participate in community functions, it’s gonna take a toll on your work life.

Treatment

Atypical antipsychotics seem to be the best treatment for cognitive impairments, though the results are sorta weak, Bowie and Harvey (2006) admit that “they have had very limited, if any, success in producing cognitive improvements. However, the search for new compounds designed specifically for cognitive enhancement in schizophrenia continues to be a promising area for future research.”

However there is also behavioural treatments, but there isn’t a lot of research on this topic. On the other hand, what little research there is, is very promising. “These strategies include training on computerized tasks similar to existing cognitive tests, teaching new learning strategies, training on novel tasks, and/or performing tasks repetitively” (Bowie and Harvey, 2006).

In the end, it seems that a combination of medication and therapy is the key. On the other hand, research by Everding (2005) states that “memory problems in schizophrenia can indeed be reduced and suggests that helping people use the right memorization strategy is critical to success.” The right strategies seem to be to remember more ‘deeply’ or according to Jantzi, Mengi, Serfaty, et al., (2019) to engage in retrieval practice, also Antzi, Mengi, Serfaty, et al.’s (2019) study is “the first to demonstrate that retrieval practice is also superior to restudy in improving later recall in patients with schizophrenia presenting with episodic memory impairment.” This is great news for us because it presents a real way of improving our memories, which apparently most of us need.

REFERENCES

Study finds brain marker of poor memory in schizophrenia patients: possible key to understanding and treating cognitive symptoms of the disease, (2016). Columbia University. Retrieved from https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/study-finds-brain-marker-poor-memory-schizophrenia-patients

Bowie, C. R., & Harvey, P. D. (2006). Cognitive deficits and functional outcome in schizophrenia. Neuropsychiatric disease and treatment, 2(4), 531–536. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2671937/

Černis ,E,. Vassos, E,. Brébion, G,. McKenna, PJ,. Murray, RM,. David, AS,. MacCabe, JH. (2015). Schizophrenia patients with high intelligence: A clinically distinct sub-type of schizophrenia? Eur Psychiatry. (5):628-32. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25752725/

Gerry Everding (2005). Memory study shows brain function in schizophrenia can improve with support, holds promise for cognitive rehabilitation: need cues, memory aids. Washington University. Retrieved from https://source.wustl.edu/2005/07/memory-study-shows-brain-function-in-schizophrenia-can-improve-with-support-holds-promise-for-cognitive-rehabilitation/

Jantzi, C., Mengin, A., Serfaty, D. et al. (2019). Retrieval practice improves memory in patients with schizophrenia: new perspectives for cognitive remediation. BMC Psychiatry 19, 355. Retrieved from https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-019-2341-y#citeas

Goodman, B. (2021). Executive function and executive dysfunction disorders. WebMD. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/executive-function

[scripttorture]

I have a character who was a slave but was rescued and freed after about 2 years in slavery and eventually goes on to rescue other people in slavery. While in slavery, he was punished often with denial of food as well as being whipped and beaten when he refused to work. He also had his tongue partially cut out as a punishment. I already have a good idea about the psychological effects he is going to have, but I’m struggling with the physical effects and how long it would take to recover

Part of the answer here depends on this character’s age because while adults can generally make a good recovery from periods of starvation the effects on children (especially young children) are a lot more long lasting.

 The best places to start for the effects of starvation on adults are probably the Minnesota Starvation Experiment and the World Health Organisation (WHO, general link here, 1999 pamphlet on malnutrition in all ages here).

 Recovery is generally pretty quick unless someone’s at the point where they’re near death.

 Refeeding syndrome can be an issue in some cases (especially famine or forced labour camps) but it doesn’t have to be one here. If the character is eating normally (as opposed to being fed by IV for instance) then refeeding syndrome is less likely. My understanding is that this is because the body suppresses appetite during starvation so that it only takes in what it can manage (appetite recovers quickly as the patient regains weight.)

 There’s a detailed NHS guide to refeeding in adult here. It should give you an idea of how at risk your character is and how much food he’ll be able to handle in his first few days of recovery.

 A physical recovery period of around 1-3 months depending on the degree of starvation is reasonable. In this case by ‘recovery’ I mean being able to do normal physical activity, a return to previous healthy weight, or higher weight, return to normal appetite and nutrient levels.

 Recovery can be delayed by additional illness: it’s easier for starving people to contract diseases or infections and it takes longer for them to fight them off.

 There’s also a difference depending on whether you’re talking about a character who is consistently under fed and forced to work versus a character who is usually provided with enough food but sometimes denied food completely/on very reduced rations for periods of a few days. Consistent starvation and malnutrition is much more usual in slavery and… much more likely to be fatal.

 A character that has short periods where food is denied them (no more then two days) and is then allowed to eat as much as they want is probably not going to need hospital supervision/treatment for starvation. If that doesn’t sound like your character then the procedure is usually just to let the person eat as much as they want of whatever they want. The difficulty for people at this sort of stage is more about organising giving out food then it is about keeping doctors on hand to monitor them.

 Now I know less about this but I think there is some evidence that this sort of pattern of intermittent starvation (ie periods where the character is starved, then allowed to eat and this is repeated) can cause some pretty serious health effects. It can also make disordered eating behaviour more likely.

 On a cosmetic level it’s also linked to weight gain.

 Which ever option you’re picturing the following effects are all likely:

loss of muscle mass

lack of coordination

weaker bones

higher chance of hypothermia or heat exhaustion

fainting

poor circulation

higher chances of disease and infections

longer recovery time and more difficult recovery from disease and infections

 A survivor can get to a point where they’re no longer at immediate risk before they’re back to full health. It takes time to recover bone and muscle mass. It takes time for the internal organs to get back to normal. It takes time for enough fat to build up so a person’s body can regulate heat properly.

 There’s also a difference between someone being at peak physical fitness and getting back to average. My understanding is that if someone’s survived significant periods of starvation they’re… unlikely to reach peak physical fitness. If this character was an athlete or a super hero or otherwise had a physically demanding profession, they’re likely to notice a difference even when they’re ‘better’.

 They could improve with time and practice but they may never get back to their prior ability level.

 There’s evidence of epigenetic effects; the children of people who recover from starvation are likely to be shorter then the children of people who have never starved.

 The Minnesota Starvation experiment theorised that after a successful recovery there were few long term effects of starvation. There’s some evidence now that this was an optimistic conclusion but it’s difficult to get a clear picture because of the ethics around studying starvation.

 For young children starvation results in an adult who is:

physically weaker

less intelligent

more prone to illness

less able to fight off illness

has a shorter life expectancy

is physically smaller

 Starvation of children represents a blunting of potential: they will never reach their full strength or intelligence even if they may be stronger/smarter then some individuals. And there is really nothing that can be done to treat that. They needed food over a crucial period and did not receive it. The damage is done and can not currently be treated or healed.

 Beatings over a long period of time and forced labour both have a tendency to cause chronic pain in the joints. Shoulders and knees seem particularly common.

 There are a lot of possible causes for this sort of chronic pain. Ligament and muscle damage s possible. Beatings with objects can cause bone fragments to uh break away and lodge in soft tissues. Soft tissues around joints can be damaged.

 And there are also psychological causes or combinations of both physical damage and psychological causes.

 For instance this is something I saw in an account from a survivor of child abuse. The survivor had been punished using standing stress positions and he found as an adult that he got shooting pains in the backs of his legs while stressed at work. With the help of his doctors he found that when he was stressed he leaned forward on to his toes, mimicking part of the stress position he’d been subjected to as a child. This put more strain on his legs and caused the pain.

 These kinds of responses can be very difficult to stop.

 What I’m trying to illustrate here is that disabling pain is really common in survivors and you don’t necessarily need to know a specific cause for it.

 Chronic pain can cause long term problems to do with mobility and performing everyday activities. Most often it means that survivors need to rest more often, they may have less stamina and they might need to do things in ‘odd’/unusual ways in order to comfortably perform the activity.

 For instance someone with chronic pain in their shoulders might struggle to hang wet clothes on a line that’s above their heads. So they might get in the habit of lowering the clothes line, attaching the clothes and then raising it by pulling on the cord at waist height. They might have trouble moving their shoulder to put on jackets, so they could use their body weight to ‘flip’ the arm joint to the correct position without involving the muscles of the shoulder.

 Someone with knee pain would probably be more particular about the height of chairs in their house. They may stop keeping things in low drawers or shelves.

 Consider where your character might have pain, what activities might make it worse and life style adaptions you can work in to your story.

 These can actually be a great world building/character detail. Especially because healthy people have a tendency to assume these adaptions are eccentricities rather then necessity, prompting conversation between characters.

 There is one part of this scenario that worries me: mutilating the tongue.

 Cutting out tongues is one of those things that comes up a lot in fiction and is generally… less survivable then people assume. Tongues are not just for verbal communication: they’re a pretty essential part of how we swallow food and water, not to mention detecting whether said food/water is edible and they contain a lot of blood vessels. There’s a reason things like tongue splitting and tongue piercing don’t tend to show up as traditional body modification practices.

 The process of partially removing a tongue is life threatening in and of itself. Victims can drown in their own blood. Inflammation can block the airways causing suffocation. Infection can make breathing, eating or drinking impossible (increasing the chance of death from infection.)

 If the victim survives (some definitely did) they’d have trouble eating and drinking for the rest of their lives. This means malnutrition is likely, leading to shorter life expectancies and higher chances of disease (apart from the conditions malnutrition itself causes.)

 It also means recovery from starvation would be significantly longer. Which means a longer period when the character’s more at risk from infection and disease as well as the general uh ‘problems’ starvation causes.

 I’m not saying you’ve created an unsurvivable scenario. We know from history that some people have gone through stuff like this and survived.

 What I’m saying is the survival rate is low. Those survivors (and your character) got lucky.

 Keep that in mind when you write this scenario.

 In terms of long term recovery I honestly have no idea how a removed tongue is treated, I’m not a medic. I can guess at some lifestyle adaptions though.

 Because it makes eating more difficult I think it’s likely a survivors would have smaller meals and more frequent meals rather then large portions that might be cold/unpleasant by the time they’ve finished eating. They’d probably learn to cut their food into smaller pieces and might avoid tougher foods that require more chewing. Their sense of the taste and texture of food would be impaired which might effect their enjoyment of food which could in turn effect their motivation to eat and their recovery.

 Overall I think the take away message here is that while most of the physical long term effects of slavery are not immediately life threatening they have a massive effect on long term quality of life.

 A lot of survivors of modern slavery come out of similar time frames to this disabled by a combination of chronic pain, joint problems and untreated injury or disease.

 One of the recurring themes in Kara’s interviews with slaves is that slavery physically ages people. The combination of extreme distress, physical abuse, overwork, sleep deprivation and malnutrition makes survivors appear much older then they are.

 But the reasons why, the injuries and marks of abuse are often not immediately obvious.

 I hope that helps :)

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Disclaimer

[innittowinit]

SBI headcanons awooga

Some headcanons and things for my sbi fd! Abandoned amusement park fic lol 

Here's the link if you haven't read it btw 

SBI last name is Reid, DT last name is Jackson btw lmao, i probably won't mention it much though unless it's like Mrs Reid for the sbi mom y'know

This has Tommy, Techno, Wilbur and Phil included; lmk if a dt post would be a good idea too 

Tommy

The youngest brother, he’s seven lmao what a child

Even though he’s the youngest, he’s also the most confrontational and will gladly ‘fight’ anyone who talks bad about his brothers 

He can’t fight

He’s very tall for his age but is also extremely light since he’s always running around 

Phil tries to get him to try new foods a lot but Tommy’s a really picky eater

...Tantrums.. Every time he doesn’t get his way

This lead to his brothers spoiling him quite a bit, he’s still sweet enough though since Phil has had many stern conversations with him about being nice to people 

Has a toy music boy, with collectable discs

Wilbur got his first disc for him, it’s his most prised possession 

Every time he does all of his chores (which are really just small things like clean up after himself and keep his room tidy) someone, whether its his Mum, Wilbur or someone else, gets him a new disc 

Techno got him ‘Pig step’ for his seventh birthday and he listens to it every night before bed 

One time he snuck downstairs while Techno and Wilbur were having a sleepover and watched the horror movie they were watching without them realising it. Techno and Wil were the ones to get into trouble since Tommy wouldn’t sleep for a week afterwards. 

Techno had to read him a story every night until he stopped thinking he was going to be eaten by a demon in the middle of the night 

Drinks way too much caffeine for a kid, someone take this boys coke away

He’s got a habit of biting his nails, which has left him with some pretty crooked teeth, which will probably need to be fixed with braces when he’s older. 

It’s also gross because he climbs so much there’s almost always dirt under his nails 

Hasn’t really grasped the whole concept of not saying everything he thinks yet

Oh my god someone shut this boy up

He still believes in Santa and The easter bunny too

One time Techno told him Oogie Boogie from the nightmare before christmas was real and he cried

He talks a lot in school because he finds it boring but he’s also very good at maths and English for his age

Wilbur 

Middle child, Wil is 13. Techno’s twin 

He’s pretty insecure about his music even though he’s been playing his whole life

That’s why he likes being able to practice in L’manburg, there’s no pressure to be perfect when he’s alone with his brothers 

Super extroverted and confident in everything else though, Since Techno can’t talk to most people, he usually tries to speak for both of them

After realising that Techno didn’t really like it when he said ‘Techno thinks’ a lot, back in primary school, he adapted to trying to speak for what Techno wants without making Techno’s issues obvious

They tell people who need to know, but for people they’ll only talk to a few times they usually just get away with Wilbur acting super obnoxious and loud so it seems like Techno just doesn’t have room to talk, rather than that he can't 

It’s easier than getting into it since they don’t feel like most people will understand

has separation Anxiety, when he’s not with his brother he doesn’t relax/ feel safe at all. If it happens at school he won't do his work at all/ Will probably just leave the room and try to find Techno

Everyone kinda knows this and they try to suit things around it without saying it outright 

He’s kinda embarrassed, he likes to think he’s the one protecting Techno but really they need each other the same amount 

Techno gets this though, He doesn’t mind if wilbur has a bit of a saviour complex, he’ll play along if it makes him happy 

They’re working on it with their Therapist though so don’t worry, he won't grow up to be an ass

Interests (besides music) include: 

Watching obscure documentaries 

Disney movies, favourite is peter pan 

  Skating 

He and Techno got Picked on in primary school for being so close, he learnt kickboxing so he could defend himself if things ever got physical. Luckily they didn’t but he still knows how to kickbox so watch out

Almost always turning in homework late, he’s good at talking his way out of Detentions though. 

And when he cant talk his way out, Techno finds a way to get detention too

He’s VERY protective of his younger brother(s(he was born first so he likes to insist that Techno is his little brother)) 

That’s good for the most part but he can be a little overbearing sometimes, he’s got detention many many times for cussing out people who so much as looked at Techno wrong 

When he’s feeling guilty he mumbles a lot 

Techno 

Middle child, 13. Wilbur’s twin

Has selective Mutism, completely fine talking to Wilbur, Only talks to Tommy and Phil if Wil is there too but other than that he’s completely fine talking to them as well. He speaks to his parents but not as openly as he does with his brothers, with them its usually very quiet, one word sentences 

Like Wilbur, separation Anxiety also, It’s not as bad as Wilbur’s is though, Wil just makes him comfortable enough to talk with his brothers, he can deal with being without Wilbur but he absolutely doesn’t want to

He can be a bit arrogant and possessive of his brothers at times, he’s a bit scared of them leaving him because he can be so difficult so he has a tendency to be cold to any new people they bring home 

Interests include: Pvp games, ancient china, farming

He was hyper-fixated on a cartoon when he was younger and now he has multiple cosplays from it that he’ll probably never wear again

His hair is LONG and pink, they never figured out why it grew so fast or why it was pink but it is lmao 

When he was born his parents were terrified, they thought he had some kind of rare condition that was going to hurt him but the doctors eventually came to the conclusion that he just had healthy hair that grew fast and the pinkness was due to an abnormality in the melanin in his system or something idk fellas im failing science pls pretend this part makes sense 

Being silent with long pink hair as a kid, he got picked on a lot. There were many instances where he just pushed kids over or hit them because they were being mean 

Since he’s the quiet one, teachers usually trust him a lot so he and wilbur used to skip class a lot, back when they got picked on, by saying they had to help another teacher do something

In an attempt to get him to be more social, his parents signed him up for violin lessons aged 8, he really liked his teacher and had even managed to speak a little to her over the past 4 years he took lessons 

Spaces out a lot 

He watches a lot of conspiracy theory videos but he doesn’t actually believe any of them, he just finds them interesting

One time he convinced Tommy they were living in a simulation and Tommy hit a kid to see if his hand would pass through

He’s spoken a few words to squidkid too since they’re childhood friends and he’s very comfortable with him. Ironically all he seems to say to him is ‘bozo’ to tease the other for saying it so often, instead of literally any other insult

Phil 

Oldest brother, 16 

Cares about his brothers so so so so so much like he will do anything to keep them happy and safe

One time he missed an exam because Tommy was sick and he wanted to take him to the doctor before anything else

Tommy was fine btw, just one of those bugs you get when you're little

Their parents are pretty distant so Phil has been pretty much raising them since he was little, he doesn’t mind though

Their parents aren’t bad people or anything, they just get called out a lot for work and can’t be at home a whole bunch, it’s a big part of the reason why Techno never got comfortable talking a lot around them

He works at a Nearby florist to get extra cash to buy his brothers things when his parents arent home

When their mum is home, he brings her flower arrangements home from work because he is sweet <3

He’s really into mythology and Folklore as well as drawing, when he was younger he had multiple sketchbooks filled up with different creatures that he had drawn 

When he, techno and wilbur were all little, he used to play a game with them where they’d describe a monster off the tops of their heads and he’d draw it for them 

Techno and Wilbur loved this and always put up Phil’s drawings on their bedroom walls 

When he was 13 he used to write angsty poetry, He told wilbur about it one day and that's when wilbur first started adding lyrics to his songs 

He can be pretty gullible, he likes to believe that people mean good no matter how hard it might be to see it that way 

He can hold grudges for a pretty long time, he’s quick to forgive when it’s himself that’s been hurt but it’s very very hard to get on his good side again if you hurt his brothers 

Watches Alien theories with techno, unlike techno he actually believes in them

Has the ‘i believe in aliens’ poster 

When they were little, he used to grow strawberry plants with techno and Wilbur, this is what prompted techno to start growing other vegetables in their garden himself

[pynkhues]

Hi ! I just wanted to say that I love your writing and I wanted to ask how you go about doing research for all your au's. Thanks!

Hi! Thank you so much, anon! And what a fun question! I could talk about researching all day, haha. My undergraduate degree is actually in history too, so research is something that’s sort of fundamental to my education in a lot of ways. 

To talk about researching is kind of hard though, because while the steps are more or less the same, the approach is really different depending on what it is that I’m writing. For instance, the answer’s pretty different if I’m writing a modern day au where I can shorthand certain things because my readers know what I’m talking about vs an historical au where I really have to think pretty deeply about everything if I want to submerge a reader in a storyworld. 

So I thought it might be fun to answer this question using my two biggest au’s as sorts of case studies! This is probably an extremely nerdy answer, I don’t know, haha, and it talks about both researching and incoporating research into the creative process while writing, so I hope that’s okay! 

Generally speaking, all my writing starts with a question: 

What’s the story that I want to tell? 

This is always a process that tends to vary for me, but I rarely actively ask the question to myself prior to getting ready to write it? Usually it ends up as me sort of thinking over a concept then getting to a point where I know I’m going to write it, and it’s only when I really start to think seriously about that that I ask myself that question. 

In both of these cases, it was pretty typical for me, haha: 

And well, then we get to the next question.

What background do I need to know to be able to tell that story? 

While this question might seem AU specific, it’s something that’s actually a step in everything I write. I was working on the second part of the Christmas fic today, which is technically canon divergent, but has made me think a lot about Beth and Rio’s canon cultural backgrounds. 

I’ve always liked the headcanon that Beth and Annie are Jewish, but disconnected from their heritage (Marks is a traditionally Jewish surname, Annie’s used some yiddish slang before), and Rio’s obviously Latino, but of Mexican heritage if we apply Manny’s background, and wears rosary beads on the show which indicate that he’s Catholic. I wanted to embrace both of those things, so I’ve tried to thread them through the story where it’s appropriate to do so. For instance, there's a scene of a Las Posadas celebration at Sainte Anne de Detroit which required a LOT of research on my part and hopefully reads well! 

The point is that those things felt important to me to include in a Christmas fic about Beth and Rio in the C&C ‘verse because the entire series is about their lives entwining and getting to know each other fully. I want to include detail that feels specific to what we know about them and embraces and (with any luck) deepens our connection to the characters in my fic. 

What I’m getting to in a really roundabout way is that once I have a story idea, I start to think about what I’m going to have to understand if I’m going to do the story justice.

In the case of the pornstar and pirate aus, this couldn’t look more different: 

Annnnnd so on, haha. 

As you can see, sometimes that background research is really clear and straight forward, as it was with the pornstar AU. I looked up how it worked, and because I knew that I wanted it to steer clear of the seedy and toxic parts of porn, I basically researched ideal environments and best practice, put those in place, and then focused on how to get Beth from her suburban home into a legitimate studio. 

The pirate AU was extremely different and much more of a mutable process. Without a clear sense of the era from the get-go, I had a much wider scope to explore when and where the story could take place, and when I realised that dating the story would inevitable force me to contend with parts of history I might not want to (i.e. the lead up to The Civil War), it let me re-shape a world around an era, but not feel entirely beholden to it. 

In that sense, the research process for both of them involved me choosing fantasy over reality – I negated certain realities to focus on the things I wanted to write (I highly doubt you will find a porn set anywhere near as ethical as Thank You Ma’am after all) – but if I can’t do that in fanfic, where can I? The aim still is for there to be enough that is real that you feel grounded in the story even if I’ve taken certain creative liberties for the sake of telling the story I want to tell.

That’s the beauty of research. Once you know enough about it, you can make informed choices about what you use to shape your storyworld, and make it feel authentic even as you’re fictionalising it.

The point of that though is that this background research is so fundamental to the DNA of the story itself, that it can’t even begin to exist without it.

Loose plotting

It’s usually around this point that I’ll put together a loose plot. This is generally pretty thin, but I’ll start to put pieces into a bit of an order. 

The pornstar au is, again, a really easy example of this. Three parts felt right for it, the shooting of the porno itself was always going to be in the final part, which gave me two chapters to get Beth there. I knew she was going to submit herself through an amateur talent callout which I’d discovered in my background research, so the question of it was more around why would someone like her sign up? Canon plot points help – Beth needs money! Fantasy kicks in again, haha – because she and Dean are finally divorcing.

On the other hand, the pirate au is pretty much unrecognisable from it’s first loose plot.

In it, I’d pencilled in Beth travelling on a ship with Dean and the children, pirates boarding, and Rio kidnapping Beth as collateral to help him escape. 

My loose plots change a lot and usually grow in detail, evolve and change shape as I start to ask myself why, and there are a lot of reasons why the pirate au changed so much, but I’ll get to that a bit later. 

The point is, once I have a loose plot, I’ll usually throw some more words down, see what I’ve got, and then get to the part of the research process I like to call: 

Question time

With background research done and a loose plot and some draft scenes written, I hit a much more specific part of the research process where I don’t need to know broadstroke background detail, I need to know the answers to really specific stuff. I usually write a list and try to do it all at once so that the writing process isn’t too much stop-start. I bullet point the answers in my creative doc then too, so the information is right there when I need it.

Again, the questions I asked of the pornstar au and pirate au were pretty different (although there were a few similarities, haha). Some of the questions I asked were: 

This is actually a case where the pirate au was, in a lot of ways, easier. History is well documented and fact checked after all, but current porn industry standards are, y’know. Not quite as transparent, haha. I’ve mentioned it before, but I actually started to fill out an amateur porn application (with a false identity of course, haha), so that I could see the full form and get a genuine sense of the questions they ask, which is hilarious, annnd brings us to sources. 

Sources

In researching, there are definitely things I’ll just Google, but I also like to utilise sources pretty widely. In particular, Google’s not really going to give you a great sense of what - say - the life of a pornstar’s like, but there are some great podcast series where performers talk about their lives in their own words. Similarly, Google searches are great for the cliffnotes of an answer, but don’t hold a candle to era-made drawings, letters and newspaper clippings. 

For the two, I’d probably say my sources looked something like this: 

How do the answers to these questions affect the story that I want to tell? 

Annnd of course, the answers to these questions frequently end up re-shaping and re-framing my story, both directly and indirectly. Originally for instance, I wasn’t going to have condoms at all in the pirate au, because I naively assumed they wouldn’t be invented yet in a loose 1800s-set fic, only to discover that some version of a condom has been around since Ancient Rome (it was made using the bladders of animals! Gross!). 

Other times it’s indirect. The idea for instance in the pirate au to have Beth realise the houses that the men had robbed through certain items they were wearing came really from looking a lot at antique store sites and image archives and seeing how much was custom made for families and individuals. That in turn made me think how for someone who’s ability to think on her feet and observe are her strengths, that could really come into play as a plot point. 

Re-Plotting and Writing

It’s usually around this point that everything comes together and I start to really map out a fic in a firmer, more meaningful way, and also just throw myself into the writing of it. I generally feel like I’ve got the tools at this point in the process, and start to talk to the story in a bit more of an informed way. 

It’s also really where I start asking myself why? and what does this mean for the next scenes? a lot. 

Jumping back to the original pirate au plot, this was really where it pivoted as drastically as it did. There were too many tropes in that premise that I didn’t like. I didn’t like that Beth had no agency in the act that connected her to Rio, I didn’t like the trope of the MOC kidnapping a ‘helpless’ white woman, I didn’t like that Beth would be taken from her children by force and how that would impact any connection her and Rio formed and ensure that a major part of the story would have to be devoted to Beth trying to get back to them.

Immediately that made it a case where Beth had to choose to go with Rio, but why would she leave her family? And why would Rio let this upperclass lady onboard his ship? So she snuck on. So she had to, because Dean lost everything again. Okay, but would Beth just leave the kids with Dean after he’d done that? No way, not with the implications of the time, so who would she leave them with? Annie or Ruby - no, I want Ruby on the pirate adventure. Annie. But what on earth could put Annie in a secure enough position that Beth would willingly entrust her children to her? 

Thus the subplot of Greg wanting to legitimise Ben was born! Which I doubly liked, because it kind of mirrors canon, haha. 

In that case, the research really helped me flesh out a story world that let me explore character storylines in a way that I wouldn’t always do, which is insanely fun to me, haha, so I forever am left hoping it’s fun to read too. 

But yes! In a nutshell, that’s my research process. :-)