#Ryan just really wanted a chance to tell everyone how angry he is first

[kitkatt0430]

Okay, so time has come for me to watch Mask of the Red Death part 2 - here's hoping this goes better than the last episode.

Stream turned white as soon as I went full screen. I feel like this is an omen. Anyway, let's restart and try again.

So far so good, I can now see the previously on. So full of plots I don't care about compared to so few the ones I do.

Okay, so I guess we're starting with the CCPD, but it's hard to care about the CCPD with David and Joe gone. I can never remember any of the officers though I recognize at least a few background recurring characters and Kramer just hasn't really grown on me all that much. That said, I'm glad someone remembered that Kramer has powers because hey, she uses copying Roy's powers to pretty good effect, even though doesn't work for long.

Allegra arguing with Hartley, Jaco, and Keith (Goldface, I just got tired of using his nickname all the time) over leaving Blaine behind feels hollow because odds are Blaine isn't dead anyway. Like I said last time, no body? Probably not dead.

Everyone's tired and scared, Barry's been nerfed, but at least Iris has her head on straight. Keith speaks for me when he says "I always liked you" to her. :D

Iris is definitely the brains of the operation. That said, if all the power was basically out, how did they get the tech working to interface with Cecile's powers. That was a big problem last episode and no one ever fixed it. Maybe something hit the cutting room floor that shouldn't have?

Cecile feels that someone is out there in lots of pain and oh apparently Blaine's still alive. Surprise. Anyway, he's clearly been tortured and I do get why Barry wants to rescue him. If there is one thing Barry has that is stronger than his speed, it's his guilt complex.

Khione - Well fine if you won't save Blaine, I will.

Hartley - I cannot let my new friend-shaped person go into danger without me.

*snicker* I mean, that's basically how fast Hartley caves and he goes from angry/annoyed voice to his softer voice. Finally, Hartley and Khione friendship showing up again.

I mean... maybe there's some guilt about Caitlin mixed in there, but Hartley never liked Caitlin in this timeline. Respected her, clearly yes since he went directly to where he thought she'd be for help a few episodes earlier, but doubtful they ever got along well. And now she's gone, so they'll never have that chance. But I do think he's just genuinely fond of Khione for herself.

Jaco folds next. And then Keith, but he's not happy about it.

Kramer - You won't be able to hack our satellite. 'Cause ARGUS upgraded it.

First... since when does the CCPD have it's own satellite????

Second, ARGUS' firewall crumples like tissue paper. There is a joke there about Cisco's inability to secure shit.

third... where the heck did all the Red Death suits come from? Did they spawn like rabbits between episodes???

Barry is right to tell Khione 'no' when they're going into danger and she has zero combat skills.

Since when has Allegra had x-ray vision. Was this something she gained when I wasn't watching last season? Or at least had foreshadowed??? (Probably not on both counts.)

Oooh, Hartley's enhanced hearing comes up again.

Jaco - Feels like a trap to me. Feel like a trap to anyone else?

He is immediately correct. Red Death arrives to monologue!

Okay, so the suits are psychic manifestations apparently? How does Barry even know that? But then how does Ryan know about the vision of Savitar stabbing Barry that almost killed him two seasons ago???

Oh, hey, Grodd is here. And apparently he's connected to evil Ryan now? And the Gorilla City gorillas are gone now, so lets feed that guilt complex of Barry's huh?

And then the band with the Rogues breaks up. Can't blame 'em, but I know they'll be back later.

Iris and Khione talking is lovely. Iris gives Khione some good advice. I just wish we'd gotten these interactions with Caitlin instead.

Was Khione kissing Blaine to activate her healing powers on him (or whatever that was) necessary? I swear if we get Khione/Mark Blaine as an end game ship I will be so fucking pissed off.

Time for a Joe West pep talk for Barry. Or for Barry to pep talk Joe? I do love their father-son relationship. But I knew that Joe wouldn't be a series regular anymore this season, so I suspect this is him bowing out. Or the start of it anyway.

I do love how much use Nash's teleporter is getting in these two episodes. I miss the Wells characters, but it does feel a little like Nash is still there helping them. Just a bit.

Grodd blaming Barry for being alone isn't really fair - Barry isn't at fault for that and it's not like Grodd ever let Barry know what he'd discovered about the Gorilla City gorillas. And I think on some level he knows that and that, more than Barry's speech, is what sways Grodd. He can look into Red Death's mind. But he can look into Barry's too.

Red Death's episode long break down continues. And somehow Barry got his speed back from Grodd? Whatever.

More speedster running/chase scene/fighting. It is pretty fun the way it's done, though. And the Rogues showed back up to help Barry, as I predicted. :D

So does real Ryan! Woo, so good to finally see her. And she nullifies evil Ryan's speed for a Batwoman vs Red Death fight.

Jaco - We'll help out anytime.

Hartley - Ehhh...

Jaco - Anytime.

Hartley - Okay, why not.

I... don't know that I liked the cheesy fourth wall breaking joke the Rogues ended on though.

Chester fanboying over real Ryan is hilarious. And I like how Ryan and Iris low key fangirling over each other was cute too.

So where was real Ryan all this time? I... don't think anyone ever said.

There is so much unexplained in this episode.

Joe leaving to raise Jenna is the right call, but I hate that he's apparently semi leaving Cecile to do it? He's done the single parent raising a daughter before. He deserves to raise Jenna with her mom too. Not just on the weekends. And how do they afford any of this anyway? Joe is retired, so what is their income even looking like?

So much unexplained.

Oh no. Oooooh no. Chester/Allegra is happening. Make it stop. They still have no chemistry. At least Barry is still his usual oblivious self about it.

I... do not like how they find out Iris is pregnant. I mean, it is a bit funny that Khione didn't realize they didn't know yet when she blurted it out, but still. Iris deserves better than the writers are giving her once again.

Anyway, that's it for the episode. It was better paced then the last one and I enjoyed it more, but there were a lot of plot holes in there. So many plot holes. I can't say I really like how the Red Death arc ended.

But Hartley, Jaco, and Keith were fun and it seems like they'll show up again later in the season? Here's hoping anyway.

I feel like a number of things in this episode would have gone better with foreshadowing. Grodd's involvement, Allegra's x-ray vision, the Red Death clones (psychic whatevers)... And other things just needed an actual damn explanation. Especially real Ryan showing up out of nowhere at the last minute. Where was she? In the timeline that Red Death came from? Took a wrong turn in Albuquerque? Where was she this whole time??? We know she was missing, so what the hell?

I think the biggest problem is they were trying to do too much at once in these two episodes and thanks to how poorly paced part one was, they squashed too much into part two.

Anyway, teaser for the next ep shows discussions about the pregnancy happening early - so there's probably concern that the baby she's pregnant with won't be Nora? And then Khione training her powers, which seem to be healing but cold? I'd be more interested if the person training her wasn't Blaine.

His first intention after Khione was born was to kill and replace her with Frost. So Blaine helping Khione figure out her powers is not what I'd call a great idea. And it looks like we may be heading into Khione/Blaine territory, which... him using Khione as a replacement goldfish for Frost, even hypothetically, creeps me the fuck out.

So I might not watch the next episode. Or i might just skim it/skip around looking for good parts. I dunno.

[mangosimoothie]

46, 52, 53, 88 for Aja and Ryan, please!

Thank you, Morri! ☀️

46. Does your oc lie a lot, or is the truth very important to them? What is their reaction to other people lying to them?

Honesty is a BIG thing for Aja; she doesn't even like white lies for the sake of being polite. And even if she tried, she's a terrible liar, it makes her feel terrible, and it really hurts her if she finds out someone lied to her, even if it was just a "little" lie. Ryan's morals are a liiiittle looser than Aja's lmao. He doesn't lie a LOT but it's easy for him and doesn't eat him up inside at all to get away with a lie. If it benefits you and doesn't hurt anyone he doesn't see any issue with a little lie to get ahead. He also has one of those voices where his tone sounds exactly the same whether he's serious, joking, being sarcastic, being sincere, being honest, lying, so...he could cheat a lie detector test just about.

52. In what ways does your oc cope with anger? How easily angered are they? Do they lash out?

Aja isn't a very hot-headed person but she does get frustrated and she cries when she's frustrated which is annoying and embarrassing for her lmao. But when she's legitimately pissed at someone she's actually pretty collected about it. She's a quiet angry, which can be kinda scary but it gives her the control to be able to say "you're pissing me off right now" and walk away. Ryan is definitely hot-headed but he's not one to lash out anymore. He used to get in a lotttt of fights and trouble when he was younger, but he reeled it in. When he's at his restaurant he'll definitely go into The Bear mode and rip someone a new one though 😅 Ryan's always been kinda prickly - his baseline is annoyed. Getting turned made it WAY worse for awhile like mf was angry ALL the time but then it calmed back down and he's actually much more level headed than before. Still an angry boy, but less likely to blow his lid.

53. If your oc was to host a podcast or TV show, what would it be about? Would your oc actually be good at it? What sorts of guests would appear?

Aja had a whole career as a social media personality so this is definitely something she's thought about extensively. It would've been an extension of her travel account and she'd talk to locals or people she met on her travels about the real hidden gems in their area. She always hated the "Top 10 things you NEED to do in Sulani!!" format of most travel stuff, and just wanted something that felt like telling your besties about this cute spot you just happened to stop by and omg should we get brunch there tomorrow?? Something organic and unsponsored and fun. She would've been really really good at it, but her priorities shifted away from social media after the Bachelorette. After Dragula, Ryan got MANY offers to appear on chef shows. Guest judging, hosting, competing - told them all to fuck off. That siad, the Bachelorette and one episode of Dragula were the only TV Ryan ever wants to do and he barely wanted to do either of those anyway. And people who have podcasts annoy him. So, yeah, that's a no on this one for him.

88. Does your oc hold grudges? For how long? Does your oc have any rivals?

Aja sees the good in people; she's a believer in second chances. But not like, tenth chances - she's not an idiot. She believes everyone has the capacity to grow. Ryan's a Scorpio. Hard to gain his trust, VERY easy to lose it, and IMPOSSIBLE to get it back after losing it the first time. He would take a grudge to the grave...and now that he's a vampire that means he'll hold that shit for ETERNITY.

Prompt: 100 OC questions!

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Daniel Michaelson: Ryan and Nate, After

(Essentially a direct continuation from the earlier Unaffected piece - this is the first Ryan Michaelson (Danny’s slightly younger brother) POV and it’s less whump than whump-adjacent angst but hey, caretaker fight!)

Ryan drives home shaking with a rage he can do nothing with. They’ve dismissed court for the day, Abraham Denner dragged back to whatever cell they’re holding him, Ryan let off with a stern warning not to punch the defendant ever again.

He’d love to do so much worse, if only someone would give him the chance.

His knuckles ache from contact with that monster’s skin, bruised and a little bloody, but it wasn’t enough - it could never be enough to make up for the sound that had echoed and bounced around the courtroom, the sound Denner had made just for him - looking right at him with that bright sparkling amusement in those inhuman predator’s eyes.

Danny, with his voice locked away, whining in fear and pain, the sound of his attempts to beg for mercy, the sound of him trying to scream.

How could that fucker do such a perfect impression of him?

His heart beats so hard he can barely breathe as he drives them back to the apartment. He takes turns too fast, slams on the gas so hard his tires squeal when the light turns green, hits the brakes with enough force to rock himself and his passenger forward into the catch of their seatbelts.

“How often did you hear him make that sound?” Ryan asks Nate, sitting next to him in the passenger seat, trying to keep his voice calm when he really wants to shout.

Nate, staring down at his own hands with a pale face, only shakes his head.

“Don’t you fucking shake your head at me,” Ryan spits. “Don’t you dare act like you don’t understand the question.”

He is lit up with rage, with the way the everyone in the courtroom looked when that fucker started talking in that odd voice - the way he’d seen only the back of Nate’s head as his shoulders hunched him forward, knowing exactly what would happen.

He is so deeply angry that he lives in a time and place when he cannot simply kill Denner himself, have his vengeance, and take Danny somewhere so far away, where no one knows who he is or what has happened to him.

In this time - in this place - he can only watch them put Denner in prison, refuse to give comments to the reporters that swirl in a constant crush looking for a personal take on ‘the Carver in the Cabin Kidnapping Case’, and try not to punch the passive asshole that had sat by and watched Danny be wrecked, again and again, until what they brought back didn’t even act like his brother anymore.

What they brought back to Ryan was a man who was profoundly damaged, covered in scar tissue, who can’t bear to be touched by anyone but the motherfucker sitting in the passenger seat.

“I asked you a goddamn question, Vandrum. How often? How often did he put that fucking thing on him? How many times did you hear him cry like that? How often or I swear to God I’ll drive us both into a fucking tree.”

Nate shifts in his seat, carefully turning those blank green eyes to look out the side window, to keep himself from facing Ryan’s righteous anger. “T-too often,” He says softly, without any obvious emotion in his voice. “C-C-Can we keep it t-to that?”

“And you just fucking listened to it?” There’s an edge of tears to his voice that he can’t quite hold back, and Nate shifts in discomfort.

Nate, who can hold Danny through his tears with perfect soothing reassurance, can’t handle even the implication of hard emotions in Ryan.

“I d-d-didn’t have much of a ch-choice, if I w-w-wanted to be there to h-help after,” Nate mutters, worrying his hands together, rubbing his thumb over the bumpy back of his bad hand, pressing compulsively into the spots Ryan knows hurt him, until he winces but seems to somehow calm.  “I h-had to l-l-listen. S-so I could h-help later.”

“Why didn’t you do something in the moment, Vandrum? Like, say, before Danny learned to call himself a goddamn fucking dog?“ There’s a beat of silence, but before Nate can come up with an answer Ryan hits the gas again, takes a turn too hard, throwing the both of them to the side. “Never mind. I heard the trauma expert, I know all about that ‘learned helplessness’ and the rest of it. I get that the asshole had you for even longer. I get it. Don’t even try, I don’t even want to fucking listen to your reasons today.”

He’s being cruel, but he can’t stop himself - he can’t get the sound of Denner’s braying hyena laughter out of his mind as they dragged him out of the courtroom and dismissed for the day, the laughter echoing and bouncing inside his skull.

He can’t imagine Danny having to listen to that laughter for four straight years. He can’t imagine it, and the horror of trying is making him lash out at the only person here who he knows will just take it and not fight back.

Nate nods, slowly. “I w-w-wish I had, you know,” Nate says softly, a little plaintively, like he’s trying to placate Ryan - and maybe he is. “I wish… b-but I forgot how t-to fuh… to fight back. All I c-c-could remember h-how to do was huh-… hold onto him a-after and try to convince him to c-c-come back to me, c-call him Danny even wh-when he begged me n-n-not to, I-”

“Yeah, well, at least there’s that, fuckin’ great, what a great goddamn martyr you are,” Ryan snaps, taking another turn hard enough to see Nate get flung around a little bit, smiling grimly.

“I’m n-n-not s-saying I’m a martyr-”

“Yeah, I got that, you piece of shit, that’s the fuckin’ joke. What you are is a bystander who watched my brother get fucked and told he’s not human for four years and you did absolutely nothing to stop it.”

“Wh-wh… w-hat was I suh-supposed to do, M-Michaelson?”

“I don’t know. Something? Anything? Anything at all?”

“I b-b-burned a fucking house d-duh-… down to save Danny.” Nate leans forward but his seatbelt is still caught from all of Ryan’s hard turns and moving too fast and he can only drop his head, staring back down at his hands. “I, I know I waited too long, but… I tried. I t-t-t-tried so hard. It, it took s-so l-long to be able to…"

“And in between trying, you listened to him put a fucking muzzle on my brother. Forgive me if I’m not feeling real up to treating you with kid gloves when I’ve seen pictures of my brother bleeding from every single part of his body. You’ll have to give me grace - my fucking mother says that all the time - if I can’t stop hearing that sound in my head, the way my brother screamed while you did nothing.”

“I-I-I…” Nate finally just goes silent again, and part of Ryan wishes he would snap back, get angry at him, get defensive. But all Nate does is slowly nod, turning his head to stare back out the window, waiting for Ryan to get him back to the apartment, back to what passes for home, back to Danny.

It’s not kind, but he doesn’t actually like Nate Vandrum, doesn’t like the absolute obsession Danny has with doing everything for him. He can’t say anything about it, but he doesn’t like that the man is living in Danny’s apartment, yet another visible reminder that Ryan’s brother lost four years of his life to a psychopath that left him scarred and frightened and fucked-up in bone-deep ways Ryan can never hope to fix.

He could kick him out, maybe - Danny doesn’t really have much in the way of willpower left and probably couldn’t stop him - but, selfishly, he needs there to be someone else to hold Danny through his breakdowns and his bad days.

He can’t sit in the courtroom all day everyday, watching that fucker’s loving smile whenever they show new evidence of the physical, mental, emotional wreckage he’s made of Ryan’s older brother - and then come home and be able to put any effort into trying to glue some of that wreckage together in person.

Nate is broken, too, even though he outwardly seems stronger. Ryan has seen him react with terror to just hearing Denner’s voice in a recording on the news, eventually locking himself in the bathroom until a baffled Ryan had agreed to turn the TV off. 

He’s seen Nate flinch when Ryan enters a room unexpectedly or raises his hand too quickly in a gesture, seen him creeping out into the living room after nightmares (and he and Danny have so many nightmares) to sit on the couch, staring at nothing, just staring and staring until, inevitably, Danny’s weird new Spider-Sense for Nate wakes him up and he finds his way out too, to kneel or sit on the floor, leaning his head on Nate’s thigh, one arm around his leg.

It’s fucking awful to watch, but Danny will only sit on the floor.

It’s been months and he still only sits on the floor, won’t even sit at the kitchen table. He cooks and cleans in a manic whirlwind of energy and then he sits on the fucking floor to eat, waits to be given permission to use a fork and spoon, wolfs down his food with incredible speed like he thinks Ryan will take the bowl away before he’s done.

It took them three months to get him to even sleep in the bed. It’s his own bed from before the abduction, and still they had to convince him to stop making himself a folded up blanket-bed on the floor, patiently explaining to Ryan, over and over, that puppies have to sleep on the floor - he’s not allowed to do anything else. Even then, he only started doing it because Nate started sleeping there, too.

He may not like Nate, but the older man is the only one who can talk Danny into sleeping in the bed - who can give him permission, as fucked as that is - and who seems to be making progress to get him to sit in chairs.

Nate is broken, too, and sometimes he forgets it. Like now.

Ryan feels a sudden stab of regret for pushing, for calling Nate names when all he’d done was be a victim, too. It’s too late to apologize, and he can’t quite force the words out, anyway. So that makes two of them who are shit at talking, he thinks with a stab of bitter humor.

Now that he’s seen his testimony, he knows Nate used to be an English professor and somehow that’s the saddest fact of all.

Nate Vandrum used to be someone who spoke for a living. He was apparently one of the most popular young professors at his old job - maybe just because even Ryan can admit he’s pretty fucking good-looking if you overlook the scar on his mouth and the way his sets his jaw into a vaguely annoyed leave me the fuck alone expression everywhere he goes.

A little more than seven years ago, Nate Vandrum was thirty years old and, as far as Ryan can tell from the testimony and the supporting evidence the lawyers have shown, spent every single day lecturing students on some kind of literature crap - gothic and fantasy and horror something-something, Ryan really couldn’t give a shit.

Now he can’t manage a single sentence without a stammer and reacts to any kind of crowd attention on him by going into that weird blank-but-angry face that nearly turned the jury against him… until the lawyers showed him photos of Danny.

Even Ryan had leaned forward, looking more closely in fascination, as the self-protective mask fell off and everyone in the room had seen vulnerability written across him for the first time. Ryan had felt something in him unwillingly whisper, Jesus Christ, he loves Danny so much.

The love bothers Ryan, too.

It all bothers Ryan.

He’s older - by a decade or so - but when Nate looks at Danny, all of that hostility falls away, replaced by a level of devotion and focus that isn’t natural, that Ryan doesn’t like. He doesn’t trust it - but Danny looks at Nate the same way, and Nate was the one who got Danny out of there and to a police station at all, and… well, it’s not like he has anywhere else to go.

Nate has no living family - his only serious friend was murdered the first time around - he’d long since lost his job, his prospects, everything he owned. Nate has absolutely nothing on Earth but Danny, and it kills Ryan to admit it, but Danny would wilt away without him.

Danny’s a goddamn shipwreck, and Ryan can’t do this himself - so he takes Nate back to the apartment and tries to tell himself to stop being mean, to stop pushing, to try and understand the pressure Nate was under just to go along with whatever he had to, to survive. That if he hadn’t gone along with it, focused on trying to glue Danny back together as best he could and give him some reason to stay alive, Danny would probably be dead.

They’d told Ryan Danny was likely dead - the cops and the detectives. After he’d disappeared and they’d found his bloody car a state away, abandoned by the side of the road, they’d told Ryan to manage his expectations. To hope for recovery, not rescue.

We’ll do everything we can to bring Daniel home, a parade of detectives and FBI agents (when they found the car across state lines, suddenly a whole new slew of people had come knocking) had told him - but they’d meant to bring his body home, not a living man.

His parents had tried to plan some kind of memorial service, a funeral, after two years. Ryan had lost his shit so spectacularly they had never brought the idea up again.

He had known, deep down in his bones, that Danny was alive somewhere and waiting to be found. He had known it with perfect certainty, with the surety he and Danny had always had for each other. They were brothers down to the marrow, even if Danny had been adopted out of a pretty bad foster care situation and Ryan had been the biological child his parents had been praying for a decade to have. He knew, every single second of every single day for four straight years, that his brother was lost somewhere but still alive and waiting to be found, and he would have done anything to know where he was.

Then Nate Vandrum had driven a truck taken from a dead man four years earlier up to some cops in Canada, introduced himself, and shown them Daniel Michaelson, bruised and battered and dazed and terrified. He’d told them they were missing persons from America and he might have just killed their abductor.

No such fucking luck, unfortunately.

Abraham Denner ended up with nothing worse than mild smoke inhalation, even as the cabin burned to the ground around him.

Now Ryan’s knuckles are bruised and aching from the closest thing to actual justice he’s been able to find - punching him a few times across his smug fucking face - and he has to make nice with his brother’s sort-of maybe-boyfriend.

He needs a drink. He needs twelve drinks, and two weeks of peace, and at least a months’ worth of some kind of drug.

He pulls into the parking spot right in front of their apartment. “All right Vandrum, get the fuck out of my car. Let’s go see what my brother has done to himself today.” He slams his own car door shut when he gets out, shaking out his hand again.

He’s never punched a man more than once in his life, and he would happily have beaten Abraham Denner to death right then and there with his bare hands if the bailiff hadn’t pulled him away.

God, that fucking laughter’s going to haunt his dreams.

The laughter and the sound of Danny when he’s not allowed to scream.

Nate follows him to the door, a little warily, keeping a few feet behind him at all times. Ryan wonders wearily if he’s just nervous Ryan’s still pissed - and he is, he’ll never stop being pissed at having to open a home to an asshole that just stood by and watched the creation of every new scar he’s seen marking his brother’s skin - or if this is one of those things that bastard trained into them, to stay behind, like a dog heeling at its master’s side.

When he wanders in, the apartment is pristine and spotlessly clean - Danny cleans, he cleans with a frightening manic energy whenever he’s frightened, and he’s frightened all the time - but there’s no obvious sign of his big brother.

Ryan sighs, dropping his keys and wallet in the little dish on the side table next to the couch, wandering past it, looking into the kitchen. A crockpot’s on the counter and he can kind of smell whatever Danny’s got in mind for dinner, but no Danny.

“Shit, where’d he go?” Ryan mutters, wandering down the hallway where the bathroom and bedrooms are. Bathroom’s empty, and it’s always the first place he checks, since there’s a little ring of old soap scum Danny is currently on a one-man mission to eradicate.

“Danny? You around?” He calls out, but there’s no reply, and his heart starts to pound. It makes absolutely no sense - it can’t happen again, the asshole who did it’s sitting in a jail cell and about to go away to prison for life - but Ryan feels the cold dread wash over him from four years ago, the surreal knowledge that his brother is gone, gone and not coming back, gone forever, gone gone gone-

Nate’s hand is on his shoulder and Ryan jumps, spinning around to look the older man in the eyes.

Nate’s blank expression says nothing - but the hand resting on his shoulder says he understands, and Ryan bristles against it. He doesn’t want Nate Vandrum to understand him - he wants him to leave, or to have been a hero a couple years earlier, or something.

That dramatic rescue was Ryan’s greatest wish in life, but fuck if he didn’t wish just as hard that Vandrum had gotten off his ass three and a half years earlier than he did, so maybe Ryan’s brother could have come back with a little more of himself left.

“I’ll ch-check his r-r-room,” Nate volunteers, a little hesitantly, and Ryan only nods curtly and watches him as he moves back into the hall, opening Danny’s bedroom door and stepping in. Nate walks with slow, deliberate steps, but Ryan has noticed before that they are nearly silent.

Nate moves through the world trying to garner the least amount of attention possible, with a face that dissuades anyone from looking too closely or asking him what’s wrong - and still Ryan has seen him in tears, pleading I’ll b-b-be good, I c-c-can be g-g-good, Ash-, Ashley, I can b-be g-g-good, I pr-promise, try harder, I’ll t-t-try harder just after seeing a bottle of vodka with a certain red label on it sitting on the kitchen table.

Ryan had accidentally bought Ashley Denner’s favorite brand.

Fuck, he’s such a jerk for taking today out on the guy. It’s not his fault, none of it is, and Danny seems to think he’s a fucking saint.

Even if Ryan won’t ever be comfortable with the way Nate looks at his brother - devoted and oddly adoring, all that hostility and defensiveness gone in a blink of time, all his cold silence dropped in favor of open affection.

Nate’s head pops back out of Danny’s room. “C-Closet,” he says briefly, and then he’s back in there, and Ryan follows him.

He doesn’t trust Nathaniel Vandrum - not as far as he can throw him - but he seems to be the only thing on earth able to hold Danny together and the only person who knows who Danny is now, not just who he used to be.

Ryan pauses in the doorway, watching the greatest bit of evidence he has for why he keeps letting Nate Vandrum hang around.

Danny’s curled up in the closet, half-hidden behind some old boxes of things from college that Ryan never had the heart to get rid of. It’s so strange to watch his tall, lanky brother fold himself so fully in half, so only his eyes and a few freckles and his scars are visible above his knees. The red hair hangs in his face.

The sweater and pants, clothes he owned before his abduction, hang off a frame that’s even thinner after four years forced to earn every single bite of food in the most violent and grossest ways imaginable.

“Danny?”

“R-Red,” Danny replies automatically in a scratchy, hoarse voice, and Ryan fucking hates Abraham Denner so, so much. How bad does it have to be, to take someone’s name away - to take it so thoroughly they won’t even answer to it when they’re free and no one’s going to hurt them ever again? And why did Danny have to lose his name but Nate gets to keep his?

“Right.” He fights back the instinctive flip of nausea and forces out the awful pet name Denner has somehow brainwashed his brother into believing is his. “… Red. Are you okay? Why are you in the closet?”

“I fucked up,” Danny says in a whisper, pulling himself into an even tighter ball. He’s a grown man as frightened of punishment as a child. Ryan swallows against a lump in his throat, at the awful lurch he never stops feeling as it occurs to him, over and over again, that Danny is afraid of him. “I fucked up. I was trying to, just to use the dishwasher but I fucked it up somehow and I broke one of the glasses and no one was here to punish me, no one was here to fix me. I tried to fix myself but it didn’t work, it didn���t… Will you fix me?” His eyes raise slowly up to Ryan’s and he nearly flinches away from the empty fear and desperate need written on Danny’s face.

“I can’t do that,” Ryan says, and his lip are numb. “There aren’t… you’re not in trouble.”

“But I fucked up,” Danny says, confused, eyebrows furrowing. “I’m sorry, I am so sorry, I’ll try harder next time-”

“Is the glass still in the dishwasher?” Ryan asks, just to cut Danny off, just to keep from having to hear the constant refrain in Danny’s mind. Be good, try harder, I’m so sorry, I can be good, I can be so good for you.

That braying hyena laugh in the court, directed right at him, is echoing around inside his mind. This is what that monster did to his brother - this is how little is left of him.

Danny looks at him, with that ring of red scarring over his face, and Ryan can see where the muzzle would have been tied exactly, outlined clear as day. Could imagine Danny trying to fight, bleeding as it was jammed on him against his will, trying and failing to scream-

“Y-yes,” Danny says, interrupting Ryan’s awful cycling thoughts. “It’s all in there. I’m so sorry, Ryan, I’m so sorry I fucked it up - I’ll do better next time, I promise. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, I got it. No problem. Nate, can you… deal with this while I handle the glass thing?”

“S-s-s-sure.” Ryan watches Nate kneel down next to Danny, moving carefully to lessen the pressure on his bad knee (Abraham bashed it with a hammer to make sure he could never run away again, Danny had said one day, casually, as though these were the kinds of anecdotes that were perfectly normal to share with your brother over morning coffee), reaching out with his own lightly-scarred hands to take Danny’s heavily-damaged ones. “L-let’s get up and in-into the bed, oh-okay? Okay, Red?”

Don’t call him that, Ryan wants to snap, but it’s the only name Danny answers to.

Danny nods, slowly letting Nate pull him up to his feet, moving like a man trapped in a fever-dream, sluggish and uncertain of himself. “I fucked up,” He says, looking slightly down at Nate. “I have to do better next time. I have to be good, I want to be good, Nate. I have to want to be good.”

“Y-y-y-you are good,” Nate murmurs, and the love in his voice is sickening and Ryan can’t look away. “Let’s l-lay down, just for a m-m… a minute. Here y-y-you go, Red, that’s r-right…” He guides Danny up into the bed, gets him to lay down under the covers, slowly lays down beside him. All the while he has that besotted, adoring look on his face, and Ryan hates Nate Vandrum nearly as much as he hates Abraham Denner.

Danny won’t touch Ryan. If he hugs him, his brother leans into it with a practiced lack of feeling and mutters the body can do whatever you want to, which turns out to be the creepiest fucking sentence Ryan had ever heard a person say out loud.

He won’t touch Ryan and he doesn’t trust him, but Nate Vandrum - who sat and watched him be torn apart over and over and over again and did nothing but four years - gets to help him into the bed and lay with him now, gently running fingers through his hair, and Danny closes his eyes and smiles at the affection.

“Th-thank you for being nice to me,” Danny murmurs, the constant refrain of gratitude that has also been conditioned into him, his unswerving certainty that he should be thanking everyone all of the time just for the simple gift of not having been murdered yet.

Ryan wonders sometimes if enough of Danny made it back out of the woods to be worth rescuing. Then he hates himself for the awful fucking thought.

Nate’s green eyes flicker over to his, and Ryan knows what this is - it’s a dismissal. Nate and Danny are curled up together in the bed, and Ryan’s presence is no longer needed. He turns on his heel and leaves, closing the door behind himself, pissed and anxious and full of an unsettled energy he can’t do anything with.

As he walks out into the kitchen to figure out just what kind of mess Danny has left for him to deal with in the dishwasher, he hears Abraham Denner’s braying laughter again, settling against his back, crackling down his veins in sparks of pure and abject hatred.

Abraham Denner didn’t kidnap his brother - he destroyed him, and he took pleasure in doing it, in breaking a man down into less than one and making him think he’s a dog, a puppy, not a person at all.

Ryan’s been given the job of trying to put that man back together, and his only assistance comes in the form of the much-older man who was a victim alongside him, his sort-of maybe-boyfriend who can’t keep his eyes off of Danny, who looks at him with an unsettling intensity, who does anything and everything for him as though the rest of the world is an inconvenience and all that matters is Danny Michaelson.

All that matters to him, Ryan thinks bitterly, is Red.

Ryan opens the dishwasher to find the shattered remains of the pint glass inside, and wonders to himself just how much of his father’s money it would take to bribe the guards to let him murder Abraham Denner right there in his jail cell.

Knowing Denner, that asshole would just fucking hyena laugh at him the whole damn time.

[reidgraygubler]

lonely moonlight (spencer reid/reader)

Title: lonely moonlight

Request: no

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: angst (w/ maybe the tiniest bit of fluff); songfic

Content Warning:  thoughts of wanting to cause harm, verbal arguments, mentions of divorce, intrusive thoughts, talks about abortion, mentions of bad mental health, ptsd (?), mentions of anxiety, mentions of needing to get help, someone walking out on their partner, pregnancy, mildly ooc spencer, post prison!reid, swearing (if any) (if i missed anything or something needs to be tagged, please message me and i’ll add it)

Word Count: 6,694

Summary: spencer left his partner and ends up regretting it. 

A/N: howdy partners! This is for @badthingshappenbingo​ (more about that later), blocking off the rejected apology square on my card (pictured at the bottom). this is very loosely based on the song lonely moonlight by ryan ross! this was something i don’t usually write. it’s probably the most angsty fic i’ve ever written... and it’s a little more on the “darker” side. please pay attention to the content warnings, and again if i missed anything, please message me! thank you everyone for the love and support on my other works!! check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

The days following up to me leaving were bad. I wondered if that’s what it was like for Aaron and Haley. Although, there were different circumstances between the two of them. Same with David and all 3 of his wives. But, who am I to compare my problems with my superiors and their problems. Although, their wives left them… Not the other way around. Not like how I left you.

I should have stayed. We could have figured everything out. But I left. I think it’s because I got scared and didn’t know how to talk to you. And the reason behind why I got scared is a valid reason… I wanted to cause harm...

“God! This is so ridiculous!” you shouted from across the living room. I watched as you looked around the room, at all the piled up books and files. “I just do not understand you!” Your shout was louder than before, causing me to flinch slightly.

“I don’t know what you want from me!” I returned the shout, watching as it was your turn to flinch. “What do you want!?! Huh!? You know I can’t read your mind!” I stared at you. I wish I had noticed you were crying before I yelled.  But that didn’t stop me… 

“Spencer!” The way your voice shook didn’t bother me. But what did bother me was the way my hand started to ball up. It scared me. I took a step back, pressing my body against the wall that was closer than I originally thought. 

I looked at you before I stormed out of the living room and out of the apartment all together. The sounds of your light footsteps followed behind me, and your faint voice calling out my name. I didn’t stop though, even as you begged me to stay. I couldn’t stay though… Not when I wanted to cause harm to someone I loved. 

So, I left.

{***}{***}{***}

I looked down at the file in hand, reading over the case we just returned from. You didn’t come with. It wasn’t the first case you missed, and it wouldn’t be the last. Everyone ignored how awkward and uncomfortable it was in the room where we sat to talk about our cases.

“Hey, Reid,” Luke’s voice pulled my eyes from my case and to look up at him. He nodded towards the door to the bullpen, causing me to follow his gesture. 

You were there, walking in like you knew what you wanted and that you were going to get it. I stood up and watched as you walked in more, scanning the room. Our eyes met and I dropped my shoulders as you walked towards Emily’s office. I tossed my file to my desk and practically ran up to you. I nearly tripped over my feet as I met you at the steps to the cat-walk.

“I don’t want to talk to you, Spencer,” you kept your voice low and your head held high. You didn’t even bother to look over at me. 

“Please, just a minute. Two minutes. And then you never have to talk to me… again…” I tried to hold my ground but failed when my words broke. My throat and lips nearly betrayed me, closing as the last few syllables failed to come from me. “Let me explain myself,” I whispered, looking at you. If I spoke any louder, I’d fear my voice would crack, forcing me to crack and become a ball of emotions.

You stopped right in front of Emily’s office and looked at me. You looked right at me… I honestly can’t remember the last time I remembered you looking at me, and not right through me. It was well before our last fight, and even before we even started fighting.

“I don’t want to talk to you. You lost that chance when you left,” your tone held authority. I was left speechless as you stepped into the office, shutting the door in my face. Emily closed the blinds, leaving me to wonder what the conversation would be about.

I sulked back to my desk and lowered myself down to my seat. I kept my eyes on the closed-off room, waiting for you to leave. I didn’t want to miss what could be my last chance in ever talking to you again.

“How’d it go?” Luke asked as he appeared beside me and my desk. I sighed, glancing at him, taking my eyes off the door for a brief moment.

“She didn’t want to talk,” I whispered as Luke leaned against my desk. He was also looking at Emily’s office. I tried not to slouch, but it was so hard when it felt like a weight was on my shoulders, weighing me down.

“I don’t blame her,” Luke whispered, resting a hand on my shoulder. I swallowed roughly and closed my eyes. 

“Thanks for that, Luke,” I muttered before pulling my shoulder away from his touch.

“Is she talking to Emily?” Penelope’s voice caused me to open my eyes again. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

“You knew she was coming?” I looked right at Penelope. She was standing beside Luke and looking right at Emily’s office. Jennifer and Tara joined us, standing on the other side of my desk.  

“You were the only person she didn’t tell, Spencer,” Jennifer looked at me for a moment. She looked at me like I was the last person she wanted to be around. I didn’t realize you two were so close. You told her everything, and I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass. “In fact, you’re the only person here she doesn’t want to see right now.” her tone was cool, and still. And, it made me feel like the bad guy. To be fair… I already felt like the bad guy.

“There’s no need to point that out, Jennifer,” I muttered, picking up the file and looking over it. I tried my hardest to keep focus on the file, but it was so hard when everyone was around me, looking at Emily’s office.

“I wonder what they’re talking about,” Penelope whispered, wrapping her arm around Luke’s before resting her head on his shoulder. I swallowed roughly and looked over at the door before looking back at Jennifer. She was looking at me, her lips pierced together in a thin line. She was angry and there was nothing I could do to make her not angry. 

“Could be anything,” Tara returned. I tried my hardest to keep from rolling my eyes. But I so obviously failed.

“I heard she was transferring,” Jennifer looked away and at Tara. That was it. You were officially leaving and transferring out of the BAU. All Jennifer had to say was that you were leaving and I knew it was true. Again, you tell her everything. So, that’s why you were here… 

“That’s not true! She can’t leave!” Penelope protested. I let out an annoyed sigh. “She... She has to stay! She’s a part of the family!”  she continued. I almost wanted to snap at her. But, I wasn’t angry at Penelope. No, I wasn’t even mad at you. I was mad at myself.

“She told me that she was. Who knows what Emily is going to tell her.” Jennifer shrugged. I could still feel Jennifer’s eyes on me. Like her eyes were lasers boring a hole into my head.

“I hope wherever she transfers to… She enjoys… I’ll miss her a lot,” Tara walked around to her desk, finally leaving me alone. Now I just need everyone else to go. 

We sat in silence, staring at Emily’s door. I couldn’t help but feel my stomach bubble with too many emotions. I wanted to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, but the door to Emily’s office opened and you both stepped out. You guys shared a few more words before you looked over at the group watching for you. 

“We were just… Talking,” Penelope smiled at you. I wanted to glare, but I knew I shouldn’t direct my anger at her. In fact, I couldn’t direct my anger anywhere. It was my own fault you were leaving.

You looked away from the group before walking away from Emily. You walked over to my desk and the group of people around it. Our friends. Our family.

“Just talking to Emily about a few things. That’s all,” you whispered. A lie. You didn’t want to tell everyone that you had put in for a transfer… No, what will happen is we’ll all show up to the office, and your desk will be empty, clean of your stuff. “I, uh, wish I could stay. But, I’m having coffee with someone and I don’t want to be late,” you pressed with a fake smile, trying to convince us all you were fine, even though we all knew you weren’t fine. 

“You can’t leave,” Penelope looked at you with wide eyes. I could feel my heart rate picked up as I looked up at you. “We aren’t a family if you leave.” she continued, her voice pleading to you. You looked at Jennifer, clearly annoyed that she told everyone that you were leaving.

“Penelope,” Jennifer started, her tone warning.

“Now really isn’t the time, Pen… I seriously have to go. I can’t be late,” you looked at her and shook your head. The look on your face was incredibly apologetic and I knew you were sorry for everyone but me. “I’ll see you guys later,” you flashed everyone a smile before turning to leave. “Goodbye,” you mumbled as you looked at me one last time.

I sighed, dropping my shoulders, as I watched you leave the BAU for the last time. My eyes stayed frozen on the elevator doors as they closed, and I could feel a familiar wetness rolling down my cheeks. 

{***}{***}{***}

I’ll have to be honest, this isn’t the first or last day I’ve spent sitting in my office at home, regret filling my head and my heart. The sunset made the room look golden and the rays shone off the various reflective surfaces. 

I needed a change of scenery. My apartment, office, and BAU offices were starting to drag me down emotionally and mentally. All places that reminded me of you. So, I packed a book and other things and went to the nearby park… Which is where we’d gone on many picnics.

Why would I go to the park as the day turned into the night? You know, I’m not sure. I just needed something different and the park was the best thing I could think of. It was walking distance and I knew no one would be there to bother me.

That was until I saw you.

You were walking beside Jennifer on the far side of the park. Henry was running around, playing with a remote control car. Michael was sitting on your hip, his head resting on your shoulder as he slept. And something about that looked so natural to me. If I had known you were here with Jennifer and her kids, I wouldn’t have come. I swear. 

I kept my head low as I walked towards one of the park benches on the far side of the park. With my book in hand, I continued to pretend that I didn’t see you and prayed that you didn’t see me. I don’t know why I didn’t just leave and go to a different park… It was the familiarity of this one that made me feel safe. Or, maybe it was the chance of you seeing me, and wanting to talk.

“Uncle Spencer?” A young boy’s voice asked as a fire engine red remote control car hit my feet. I closed my book and looked up to see Henry standing in front of me.

“Henry,” I smiled at him. I closed my book and placed it back in my bag. “What are you doing here?" I asked, pretending that I didn't see his mom, little brother, and you. 

"Mom brought me," he smiled as he looked over towards Jennifer and you. "She wanted to talk to…" he trailed off the end of his sentence, not wanting to say your name. Jennifer and Will didn't tell him about what happened between us. But he was old enough to know. Considering any event we were both invited to, we avoided each other like the plague. I’m sure he thought it was weird that his aunt and uncle (his god-parents) stopped talking to each other and ignored each other every chance they had.  

"That's nice," I felt my smile falter as I nodded, "Is this the race car your dad got you?” I asked, keeping my eyes on Henry. He smiled and nodded as he picked up the car.

“Yeah, mom said I could bring it with while they talked,” he looked down at the toy. I smiled at him and nodded. “It doesn’t go very fast though,” he looked back up at me and pouted. 

“I’m sure you could make it go faster. With upgrades.” I smiled at him as he placed the car back to the ground. I watched as he drove the car and spun it out. I watched as he moved it back and forth on the sidewalk in front of us until he drove it away and towards people walking towards us. The small red car hit the feet of two people, causing both Henry and me to look up.

At first, I looked at Jennifer. I knew she wouldn’t be mad to see me. The tense expression her face held told me a different story. Her jaw was clenched and her lips were in a tight line. Her eyes were wide, but the emotion behind them frightened me a bit.

Then I looked over at you. Your hand was resting on Michael’s lower back as you held him. Your hair was in disarray that looked nice, but that’s how you usually wore it anyways. You had bags under your eyes, they were a deeper color than they were before, it was a clear sign that you had obviously lost sleep. And then you looked at me, fear and sadness in your eyes. The golden sunshine shone across your face, highlighting the important details. The details I loved. But, also details that you didn’t deserve to have, all because of the stress I caused.

I rushed to stand to my feet, my bag falling off the bench and spilling its contents all over the ground. I didn’t care though. I just wanted to talk to you. 

“H-hey,” I looked at you, then back at Jennifer, then back at you. You kept your eyes on me as I fumbled over my words, trying to find the right thing to say. “I was just… I just wanted to come out to read and go for a walk,” I spoke, trying to find a pliable excuse to be here, at the public park. It wasn’t even an excuse. I was actually here to read. I don’t know why I need to explain why I was here.

“You’re allowed to be at the park, Spencer,” you whispered back. I stared at you before I realized something. You spoke to me. And it was the first time too since you transferred out from the BAU. We stared at each other, feeling an awkward tension grow between us.

Jennifer cleared her throat, causing me to rip my eyes from you and look at the ground. I silently cursed myself when I noticed all my belongings on the ground. I fell to my knees and pushed all my things back into my bag.

“We should get going. I know Will should be home soon and we can get a head start on dinner.” Jennifer spoke, causing me to snap my head to look at her. You were staring at where I was standing, but not at me. 

“Yeah, yeah… That’s probably a good idea,” you looked at Jennifer and smiled, “Michael here is getting a little bit heavy,” you let out a very forced laugh. I stood back up before brushing the debris off my pants. You and Jennifer (even Henry) look at me with wide eyes.

“Can we talk?" I asked, nearly begging, as I looked at you. You refused to look at me again. And I could see a familiar wetness in your eyes. My shoulders instantly sagged as I looked at you and watched tears begin to form in your eyes. My heart sank to my stomach, which then sunk to the ground. “Please?” I whispered.

“Henry, are you ready to go?” You looked down at the boy, who was holding his red race car. I swallowed roughly, watching as you offered Henry your hand. You looked back at me before leading Henry away from Jennifer and I. 

I reached out my hand to stop you but failed when Jennifer stepped in front of me. I looked back at her, ready to protest her stopping me. 

“Jennifer, please,” I thought I shouted, but I’m sure it was hardly above a whisper. She dropped her hand from my arm and looked at the ground. I watched as you brought Henry and Michael back to the Jaraeu-LaMontange mini-van. Something about the way you carried Michael and helped Henry looked very natural. I couldn’t place my finger on why though.

“Leave her alone,” Jennifer whispered, pulling my attention back to her. I looked at her with wide eyes, my lips parted my mouth dry of words.

“I need to talk to her,” I whispered as I gathered my things again. I put the strap of my bag back over my body as I held a death-grip on my book. “I have to talk to her,” I turned to leave, but stopped when Jennifer grasped my hand again. “Jennifer,” I warned as I looked at her.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you right now. Okay? Give her time to figure stuff out,” she spoke. Her tone was low and had a certain demanding tone to it. “She went from having you in her life 24-7 to not having you at all. Give her time, Spence,”

“Okay, okay,” I whispered as I looked to the ground, “How much time?” I looked back up at Jennifer with tears threatening to fall. 

“I don’t know. You left her without an explanation, Spence. And she needs time to heal… To fix herself… To rebuild herself… She ju-” She bit her lips together to stop herself from saying something. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

“What’s wrong? She just what?” I dropped my shoulders as I looked at her. She looked at me and shook her head.

“Just leave her alone for right now. She’ll come to you when she’s ready,” Jennifer half-warned. I went to argue back but failed when she looked at me before leaving. I sat back down on the bench and buried my face into my hands. A frustrated sigh left my lips as I pushed my fingers through my hair. 

I looked up and over at the mini-van. You and Jennifer were sitting in the front seat, talking to each other. And I noticed that you looked over at me once or twice. I let out another frustrated sigh before standing up and walking back home.

The thoughts and memories filled my head of when you were mine and I was yours and before I made a stupid decision. The sunshine was almost fully gone by the time I returned home and it was safe to say this was another day I lost filled with regret.

{***}{***}{***}

My body jerked, forcing me to wake up and sit in bed. The bedding and blankets pooled around my waist as I felt the bed beside me. There was a moment where I forgot you weren’t there and panic settled in my stomach. And then I remembered. 

The darkness of the room started to feel claustrophobic and I panicked in the night. I nearly knocked everything off my nightstand as I went to turn the lamp.

You would always tell me not to be afraid of the dark (or anything for that matter). But, ever since I left and we no longer saw each other, I was afraid. I looked over at where you once slept and reached my hands out over the blankets to feel for you. Even though I knew you weren’t there, I wished you were.

I sighed deeply before kicking the blankets off me. My body was on auto-pilot, and I found myself in the kitchen. The tea kettle was on the stove, waiting for the water to warm up. The clock on the stove read 3:13 in the morning. 

The moonlight illuminated the living room, the silver lighting hitting the coffee table, floor, and the various stacks of books. It sort of reflected my mood for the last few months. I wondered if you felt this way. Probably not. 

I sat down on the couch and turned the lamp on. A random book was in my hand, and my nose was in it. I was not retaining any of the information as I read, or looked at the words. 

A knock on the door honestly scared me. I wasn’t expecting anyone at my home at 3:30 in the morning. I looked down at my book before placing it on the couch beside me. I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around my body, hiding my pajamas from whoever was at the door. 

I don’t know who I was expecting when I looked through the peephole. Maybe it was a hitman coming to kill me. No, no that’s entirely too dark. Serial Killer? Maybe a burglar? No, burglars don’t knock. Could be Luke coming over, drunk because the woman he was sleeping with told him to leave. Or, maybe Penelope wanted to have a late-night Doctor Who marathon. Of all the people and things to be at my door… 

I wasn’t expecting you.

You were standing on the other side, your eyes red and puffy from crying and your hair still in messy disarray (this time it was because of restless sleep and a clear emotional breakdown). I couldn’t tell if the makeup you had on during the day was washed away by your tears, or if you cleaned your face before the day ended. But I could see faint streaks on your cheeks. You wore a pair of flannel pants with a very big sweater. 

It had been a few days (okay, weeks… Month and a half…) since I saw you at the park. My heart nearly stilled as I looked at you in the peephole. My body was paralyzed against the door. I watched as you lifted your hand and knocked again.

Except you didn’t get to knock, I had pulled the door open before you hit the door. You looked at me with shock on your face. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to be awake,” you whispered, dropping your gaze from my face. I stared at you with wide eyes. You came, expecting me to be asleep… I wondered what you would have done if I was asleep, and if you would have told me you showed up to my house so early in the morning (or late at night. Depends on how you look at it.).

“No, no… It’s okay. I was awake anyway. I was working on some files,” I lied and waved my hand off like it was nothing. “No, wait… Sorry. I was already awake. I was reading The Narrative of John Smith. I wasn’t doing any extra work,” I looked back at you. 

“Why… Why were you awake?” you asked, furrowing your eyebrows. I watched as you brought your hand to your lips and bit your thumbnail. That was one of the many nervous ticks you had, and I wanted nothing more than for you to not be nervous around me. 

“Couldn’t sleep. So I thought I’d have some tea and read a little bit.” I looked over my shoulder towards my book and teacup. I quickly looked back at you, scared you wouldn’t actually be there when I looked back. I let out a sigh of relief when my eyes landed on you. “What are you doing here?” I watched as you looked at the door jamb.

“I, uh, I’m ready to, uh… I’m ready to talk,” you whispered as you looked at me. You folded your arms over your chest as you kept your eyes on me. This was the first time I noticed that you looked different. And not because you were awake at 3:30 in the morning in the midst of a breakdown. You looked different and I didn’t know how to explain it. 

“You’re… You’re ready to talk?” I asked, my voice suddenly trembling as I looked at you. You nodded as you wiped your eyes with your fingers. 

“Yeah, yeah, uh…” you wrinkled your nose as you looked at the ground. “Figured it was time. Been a few months and wanted to talk,” you whispered at the ground. I stepped to the side and pulled the door open more. 

“Do you want tea?” I asked, knowing tea calms you down. You looked back up at me and nodded lightly. You stepped into my apartment (which at some point was our apartment) and went right to the couch. I stood still for a moment before retreating to the kitchen.

I quickly poured the hot water into a new teacup. I grabbed a chamomile tea bag, the milk, and a bottle of honey before going back out to you. 

“Chamomile… I brought you the milk and honey too. If you want something else and sugar… Or… Anything.” I whispered as I sat back down where I once was. I placed the items on the coffee table. 

“Thank you,” you whispered, putting the tea bag into the cup.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, trying to figure out why the hell you were here and if I was actually dreaming. You steeped the bag a little bit in the water, your eyes looking at the steam swirling off the water. 

“I could lie and say yes, but I don’t think that’d be fair to you, Spencer,” you finally looked at me. Tears were sitting in your eyes, threatening to fall. I shifted in my seat, turning to look at you more. “Everything is not okay,” you whispered, your voice breaking. I scanned the room, looking for a box of tissues. I got up and grabbed them for you. You took a few before blowing your nose. 

“I’m-”

“Let me talk… Please, before you apologize,” you cut me off as you looked at me. I nodded and kept my eyes on you. You were still looking at me, the tears started rolling down your cheeks and you used your sleeve to dry them. You licked your lips as you looked for the right words to say. “JJ didn’t want me to come over,” you whispered, finally taking your eyes off me. You looked back at the steaming water. I could feel a familiar anger bubbling in my stomach, that was directed towards Jennifer. Of course, she didn’t want you to come over. “So I left when I knew she was asleep. I think the last time I did that was when I was 16,” you let out a dry laugh before you sipped your tea.  

I stared at you, taking in the way you sat in a moment of silence. You were probably thinking of what you wanted to say. You were never good with words and articulating them. But, neither was I. “You know, like when you would sneak out of your house so whoever you were with didn’t wake up? God, I did that a lot as a teenager,” you laughed before sipping your tea. You shivered as the hot tea went down your throat. “Anyways, sorry… Basically, JJ doesn’t know I’m here,” you momentarily glanced at me before looking back at your tea. 

“I won’t tell her you came,” I whispered as I turned to face you more. I watched as you leaned over and placed the teacup on the coffee table. You grabbed a random throw pillow off the couch and hugged it close to your body, as if it was some sort of protection.

“I don’t think you understand how hard life has been for me the last couple of months, Spencer,” you whispered, keeping your eyes anywhere but me. I furrowed my eyebrows, not because I was confused. But because I wasn’t sure what you were going to say. “And… and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around why you left, and what I did wrong to make you leave, and… I’m still working on getting better… But, I found something out and it broke me back down…” you whispered as you looked over at me. You were very cautious as you looked at me. Tears were fresh in your eyes again, and I knew you weren’t going to be able to control them. You sniffled and closed your eyes.

“What’s wrong,” I asked, keeping my voice low. I didn’t want it to go any louder in fear of my voice breaking the slightest bit. Tears started to blur my vision as I looked at you. 

“Why’d you leave me in the first place?” You asked instead of answering me. Part of me wanted to point out that you answered my question with a question. But I didn’t bother.

“I got scared of losing you,” I whispered and looked down at the couch. That was partly true. I did, indeed, fear losing you. That wasn’t the whole truth… I was scared of losing you but I was more scared of hurting you.

I wrinkled my nose as tears started running down my cheeks. “And, I didn’t think about the consequences and outcome of me just… leaving,” I looked up at you. I left out the true reasoning for me leaving you. I could tell you knew I was leaving something out. But neither of us wanted to point it out.

“You did a lot more than lose me, Spencer,” you dryly laughed again as you spoke. I swallowed roughly and nodded.

“Yes, I know. And it was a mistake. You don’t understand how much I regret leaving. I’ve never wanted to take something back so badly in my entire li-”

“I’m pregnant, Spencer,” you cut me off and spoke. Your tone was filled with authority and you were so sure when you spoke. It totally caught me off guard, I wasn’t sure if I heard you correctly.

“I’m… I’m sorry. Wh-what? You’re what?” I stared at you, my lips parted and eyes wide. I swear my heart stopped as I tried to comprehend what you said. Or… it was going so fast and I just couldn't feel it.

“I’m pregnant. And, obviously, it’s yours. I’ve contemplated so many things. But, I think you would have killed me if you didn’t know,” you whispered as you looked away from me. I looked at you, trying to find the right words to say, but I couldn’t figure out what to say.

Then I thought back to the park. You were so dismissive, which is allowed considering the things I had done and said to you. Or the lack of things said to you. But then I remembered how natural Michael looked in your arms and how you were with Henry and how different you seemed. Jennifer was talking about you, about you just-ing something but she cut herself off… Jennifer knows. 

“Does Jennifer-”

“Yes, she knows. She knew when we saw you at the park… And she knew when I talked to Emily about transferring,” you whispered, picking at the fabric of pajamas. Your voice was so soft, I felt bad for leaving you and I tried to not be mad at you for keeping something so big from me. “Emily knows too…” you answered my next question.

“You’ve known for that long?” I finally found words to say. You looked at me like you were a kid who was getting in trouble. But you weren’t getting in trouble. I was just… Mad at myself. 

“I… I, uh, I didn’t know what to do. And, JJ was the only person I could talk to about it.” Your words were soft and quiet and you avoided me and my eyes like the plague. 

I wanted to be mad… But I didn’t exactly have the right to be mad at you. After all the things I did to you? It wasn’t fair if I snapped at you. You knew this too. You knew me well enough to know that I wanted to be mad.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I asked after some time had passed. It felt like hours, but in reality, it was only a mere few minutes. 

“Because… I wasn’t sure if I was going to stay in DC… I wasn’t sure if I even wanted it…”

“Clearly you do if you’re telling me,” I whispered and looked at you. You looked at me, ready to protest, but failed when you realized I was right. You knew I was right. Why else would you be telling me that you’re pregnant if you didn’t want it? You dropped your head before nodding.  

“There’s more to you leaving me though, isn’t there? It wasn't just about losing me,” you asked, changing the subject back to me. You didn’t want to talk about your pregnancy that you’ve known about for several months. So, I swallowed roughly before nodding. “What was it? Were you cheating on me? Were you bored with me? Did I do something wrong? Was it something I did? Or was it something I didn't do?” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong… It was all me…” I paused and looked up at you. You were looking at me, intently watching me. I took a deep breath as I lifted my hand to wipe your cheeks. “I wasn’t cheating on you, and I wasn’t bored with you,” I pulled my hand back to my lap and flexed my fingers. “I think it was just… Work was getting overwhelming… And,” my words trailed off for a moment, causing me to sigh. 

“That’s not a good enough reason, Spencer, you know that,” you looked at me and shook your head. Your tone was short. There was no hiding it, you knew there was something else. I just didn’t have the heart to tell you the truth… But, I had to.

“The issue stopped being the actual problem… and it became me wanting to hurt you… And… And I never want to feel that way… Be-because I love you.” I looked up at you, watching the tears slip down your cheeks. “I don’t want to hurt the people that I love,” my voice was hardly above a whisper, “I guess… I-I need help, and I didn’t realize it till… till I had those thoughts,” I could feel my words shaking as I spoke. You looked at me with worry in your eyes. 

“Spencer,” you whispered. I looked up at you and watched as you reached over, nervously placing your hand on my knee. I looked at you and let out a deep breath. Part of me wasn’t so sure we should be having this conversation at 4 in the morning. But here we are, having it. “After everything you’ve been through, with… With prison, and… and Cat, and Scratch…” your words trailed off as you spoke of the horrors I’ve lived through within the last few years, “Of course you need help… And… And we can get you the help that you need,” you whispered as you looked up at me. My eyes stayed glued to the hand you had resting on my knee. You were here… With me...

“It was just too much… And… I-I’m happy I didn’t do anything…. To…” I paused and took a shaky breath, but also to keep myself from saying that I almost did hurt you. Although, I did hurt you when I left. “I just didn’t know how to ask for help, even when I didn’t reali-”

"Spencer,” you started, your voice low and quiet. I could hear the raspiness in your voice. I’m sure it was the exhaustion of life for you. And it was my fault... 

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” I whispered. I knew just saying sorry wasn’t going to be enough. Something else needed to be said, but I didn’t know what. “I’m so sorry,” I couldn’t help but repeat my apology even as I brought a hand to cover my eyes, and as I fell forward to let a sob go through my body. 

“Hey, hey, Spence, it’s okay…” You whispered as you rested a hand on my back. I could feel you move closer to me as you embraced me better. I sat up and looked over at you. “I… I can’t accept your apology right… right now… But, I think we can work on it. We both need help… We can help and heal… Together…” you turned to face me more. Your gentle hands grasped both mine, holding them in the space between our bodies.

“It’s something we’ll both have to work on,” you looked at me before looking down at our hands. I stared at you, waiting to hear you continue. My heart was beating faster than it should and I was only a little worried about it stopping. I could feel my palms getting hot and sweaty on the leather couch. 

“You… You…” I swallowed roughly and squeezed my eyes shut. Tears rolled down my cheeks, causing me to roughly push them away.

“Obviously I want you back in my life, Spencer. I’m sure you’re aware of how hard these few months have been for me,” you whispered, your voice so soft, I’m happy there were no other sounds. I’m sure I wouldn’t have heard you if it was 4 in the afternoon instead of 4 in the morning. “But, you have to understand, things are going to have to change in order for us to work. Especially now… that I’m pregnant,” you whispered and nodded. 

“Of course! No, I know that! I understand that more than anything in the world.” I moved closer to you and nodded. My heart finally returned to it’s normal speed. “I’ll stay. And not because you’re pregnant. I knew I wanted you back right when I realized my mistake,” I whispered, looking down at our hands. Your hand was on top of mine, and your thumb rubbed the back of my hand. “I can’t apologize enough, because no matter how many times I apologize… Sorry won’t be enough.” I wrinkled my nose and looked back at you.

“I’m not going to give you anymore second chances, Spencer. Please, understand that… You have to get help… If not for me, or yourself, for our child…” You spoke with a sureness in your voice. You knew what you wanted, and you knew you were going to get it. Honestly, I was going to give it to you too. 

“No, no, I do… I do understand… I’ll get all the help I can. I promise,” I kept my eyes on you. A worried feeling overtook my body, I was worried that all of this was just a dream and you’d be gone when I’d wake up. But you were here and it wasn’t just a dream.

At this point, I’d be willing to do anything to keep you safe, and our unborn child safe. I knew I didn’t want to mess this up. I didn’t want to miss any moments or chances of a family. Considering you were my family and I’ve known that for a long time. I didn’t want to lose any more time with you. These last few months without you were the roughest, and I didn’t want that anymore.

taglist: @thebluetint​ , @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​ 

(if you would like to be a part of the taglist just let me know :) )

[happys-crazy-queen22]

A Fling With A Surprise

Gif credit @stilinski-ortiz-dolan

Gif credit @bodybebangin.

Requested by @stellarosedutton. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for the request.

My first Walker and Colby imagine. I hope it's okay.

"Go get grandpa". Your daughter, Amethyst Rose squealed running on her wobbly feet. She had just started walking and she is now on the go all the time.

"Paaaa". She stumbled and fell but got right back up.

"She's like her momma, doesnt cry when she falls". John chuckled as he picked her up. 

"Yeah, I was taught to be strong". You smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Your husband is down at the barn". John said looking away. He wasnt to fond of Walker. No one really was. But you saw something in him that no one else saw.

"I was just heading that way. Amethyst has a doctors appointment". You say before walking to the barn. Your father took Amethyst into the main house to spoil her even more than she is.

"Hey beautiful". Walker spoke before you even got into the barn.

"How do you always do that"? You giggle wrapping your arms around his waist from behind.

"I know your foot work".

"You ready? We gotta be there in thirty minutes".

"Yeah, let me go change my shirt and I'll meet you at the car". He kissed your temple and started to the cowboys bunk.

Going back up to the main house, you saw Colby talking with your father and Rip. Then you heard screaming and giggling coming down the steps of the house. Tate was chasing Amethyst and ran right past Colby.

You might think nothing of it but Amethyst is Colbys. You had a fling with him one night and never spoke about it since but then you got pregnant and just never told anyone that she was his. Then you met Walker when you were six months pregnant, got married four months later and he's been Amethyst dad. Oh I didnt mention that Colby never knew I was pregnant, I hid it from my family until I met Walker.

"Amethyst". You called after her and ran scooping her up. "Thanks for watching her dad.  I'll see you later". You didn't look at Colby as you walked away but his eyes were on Amethyst.

"Y/N, hold up". Colby called after you and now the cat was out of the bag.

"Yeah"? You gulped as he came closer. Amethyst laid her head on your shoulder sleepily.

"I know this might be off but um is she mine"? Colby scratched his chin, just gazing at Amethyst.

"Yeah".

"Why didnt you tell me"? Colby asked. He was wasnt upset or angry.

"You didnt speak to me after we hooked up. So I figured you were just ignoring me and staying away".

"It was awkward. Rip found me coming in late and I told him. He knows about us".

"I know. No one else knows. Not even Walker. I'd like to keep it that way. I don't want any riff between the two of you".

"So I'm supposed to let Walker raise my daughter"? Colby scoffed.

"She's my daughter". Walker scared you both. You seriously needed to work on your tracking.

"No, she's mine. I didnt get the chance to be there for her cause I didnt know". Colby protested.

"I'm on the birth certificate. She calls me daddy. I'm not confusing her. So stay away". Walker warned Colby but Colby being Colby and not backing down. Colby threw the first punch and smashed his fist into Walkers jaw.

Walker stumbled but striked back hitting Colby in the nose. You covered your daughters eyes.

John and Rip tried pulling the cowboys apart but they weren't letting each other go.

"Walker stop". You yelled. This was not how it was supposed to go when it happened or if at all.

A gun shot rang through the air. Rip stood there with his gun pointed to the sky. Colby and Walker panting. Their shirts ripped, faces mangled.

"Colby, get out of here now".

"But-". Colby tried to protest but Rip wasnt having it".

"Now".

"Get him out of here, Y/N". Your father told you and you grabbed Walkers hand pushing him into the car. The doctors appointment would have to wait.

Arriving at your house, you laid Amethyst down and patched up Walker.

"Why didnt you tell me"?

"It wasn't your business. Plus I didnt want to make it worse for you than it already is".

"It is my business. I'm your husband. I'm her father". Walker hissed when you put peroxide on his wound.

"I know. But now I'm thinking I should've told him. Gave him a chance to be a father figure in her life".

"I'm her damn father. No man is going to replace me". Walker hit the table. You jumped, you never seen him this mad. Walker got up and stormed out, slamming the door. Waking Amethyst.

You had to go see Colby. It wasnt right not having him know and now you felt guilty. Heading back to the ranch, giving Walker time to cool down. You went and saw Colby.

"Hey". You stepped threw the door. Rip, Ryan and Colby were talking.

"We're just leaving". Rip spoked, nodding to Ryan.

They came to you and Rip picked up Amethyst. "I'll take this". Rip said with a chuckle. Ryan giggled. They both adored her.

"You okay"? You bit the inside of your cheek.

"You should have told me. I would have been there". Colby sighed.

"I didnt know that. I was young. We both were. But that's no excuse. I should've told you". You walked over to the table and sat down beside him.

"I'm not trying to replace Walker as her father. I just want to be part of her life. She looks like me".

"She does. Has a smaller head then you though". You tease. Colby gasped and nudged your arm.

"I want to be there for her. Like I could babysit when you and Walker need a break. I just want her to know me. I dont have to be her dad. I can be an uncle".

"Yeah. She'd like that". You say with a smile.

"Can I be honest"? Colby looked into your eyes.

"Of course".

"When I saw her coming out of the house. I thought I was in a dream. It wasn't real. Like this little girl looked just like me. I was scared when you said she was mine. I wasnt ready to be a dad. I guess you saved yourself a hassle. Walker stepped up and I'm grateful for that cause he's probably doing a better job than I would have. I'm just not ready to take on that responsibility. I'm a horrible person". Colbys head hung low.

"Colby, you're not a bad person. I'm glad you told me this.  I'm relieved to say the least. She'll be honored to have you as an uncle. We'll just keep this between us six. No one else has to know". Your squeezed his arm.

"Thanks. I'm sorry".

"Nothing to be sorry over. We just deal with the hand we're dealt with. I'm a mom to an amazing little girl. You're going to be an awesome uncle".

"What about Walker? He'll kill me".

"Dont worry about him. I'll take care of that". You say with a smile. "But I need you to put those uncle skills to the test". You said with a smirk.

"Oh god, what have I gotten myself into"? Colby chuckled, shaking his head.

Deciding to leave Amethyst with Colby and the others for a few hours, you headed home. Hopefully by now Walker has cooled off.

Walking into the house, it was quiet. But you heard some rustling in the bedroom.

"Babe"? You called out, coming into the bedroom. Walker was laying on the bed shirtless and his pants unbuckled as if he was going to bed.

"Where's Amethyst"? Walker asked, taking the rolled up toilet paper from his nose.

"She's with her uncles".

"And her new daddy". Walker scoffed. "You here to get your things and move in with him"?

"No, you dipshit. I'm here to tell you that you're the only daddy she will ever know. Colby doesnt want that role. He's uncle Colby. He's thankful that you stepped up and took care of her. Of us". You replied, getting on the bed and sitting up beside him.

"He wouldnt just do that. He's crazy if he did".

"Baby, he got scared when he found out that she was his. He was just putting on a show. He doesnt want to ruin her life. You're daddy and he's uncle Colby. We're fine. Theres only six of us that know and we're all keeping quiet. Amethyst has a great thing going, none of us want to ruin it". You kiss his check quickly.

"Sorry, I got angry. I just didn't want him to step in and take away our bond. I didn't want to lose my family ".

"You're forgiven and you're never going to lose us". You moan, running your hand down Walkers chest, slipping your hand down his pants. "He's promised to babysit when we need a break". You whisper into Walkers ear as you nip at his ear lobe.

"I'm liking uncle Colby". Walked flipped you over on your back, his hands went to your clothed breast, squeezing them and then raking his fingers down your torso.

"Come here". You grabbed Walker by the back of his neck and pulled him to your lips. Walker shimmied out of his jeans and pulled your dress up around your hips.

"I love you so much". He grunted into the kiss as he pushed your panties to the side and thrusted in you.

"Fuck. I love you". You gasp, as he lifts your leg over his shoulder and thrusts in deep. He kissed up and down your leg. Your fingers pinch your hard nipple through your bra.

"Mmm. We should give Amethyst a sibling". Walker said way out of the blue.

"You serious"? You panted, licking your lips.

"Why not"?

"No reason". Your head fell back as the tip of Walkers cock, brushed against your gspot.

"I'm taking that as a yes". He growled, speeding up his pace. He wrapped his arm your neck and kissed you deeply with passion and lust. This little break, you could get use to it.

While Walker and you were deciding on a sibling or not. Amethyst was having the time of her life. Colby was playing tea party with her and making mud pies. He was making mud pies. She was throwing them at her other uncles as they watch.

"She's going to need a bath. A hosing off before she goes home". Lloyd chuckled.

"I'm not sure I'm fit for that. I agreed on watching her. Not putting her in water and trying not to let her drown". Colby said a little scared. The others laughed.

"Just take the water hose and rinse her off. Itll be alright". Ryan suggested.

Colby of course listens to them and starts to wash Amethyst off, well he lays the water hose down and she happily picks it up and starts spraying everyone. Theres laughter and screaming as they got sprayed.

"What's going on here"? Walker came up to the water hose party.

"He did it". Ryan, Lloyd and Jimmy all pointed to Colby who was soaked from head to toe.

"Great job". Walker shaked his head. Colby frowns. "Baby, put down the hose, please". Walker walked slowly up to Amethyst and snatched the hose away.

"I'm sorry. I'm not fit for this". Colby sighed.

"No. You're not. But she's having fun and she's alive. That's all that matters. Y/N and I have a date night every Friday night. You're going to watch Amethyst for us. Just try and not burn down our house". Walker laughed, sticking out his hand.

Colby smiled and shook it. "No promises.  Thanks Walker".

"Sure. Oh and clean this mess up. See y'all tomorrow". Walker picked up his muddy little girl and headed home. This was the life for everyone. Didnt matter how it got this way. It just is and theres no use in fixing something that isn't broke.

[honesthammie]

Prompt 39: Death wants you to be terrified. But the scariest thing is wanting death.

13th Doctor x female curvy reader

Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic abuse, fat phobia

I'm sorry for this. Its really depressing and I've been hesitant on letting you guys see it but I kinda like how it's written. I've made the abuser gender neutral as females can also be abusive. I promise the next one will be much happier!

"Come on (y/n), you can make it! Just jump across and reach for my hand. I promise you won't fall." The Doctors voice echoes across the widening canyon. If you looked down, you would only see pitch black. You didn't know how long you'd fall. Maybe this would be the perfect time to just go for it. Its not like you'd matter, you're only slowing the team down as is.

They wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't slip and hit the world shattering drill, turning it on full blast. Unfortunately, you smashed the button making it unable to turn it off. Of course the only way you'd be able to turn it off is to actually go towards it. Everyone in the room screamed at you and some raised their tentacles to attack you if the Doctor didn't step in front of you. You know the Doctor noticed you flinching and your eyes gloss over and noticed you bracing for the impact.

You learned over the years to just accept your fate. You can't run from anyone when you weighed this much. You couldn't hide either, which often left you to just accept what was coming and hope nothing broke. Bruises were always easy to cover and so were any cuts but broken bones, that was always on display and you'd have to break your number one rule: never lie. You hated lying. The truth always comes out anyway so why hide it? If you hide it, you get punished worse anyway so why bother?

If you jumped and actually went with the team, you'd get questioned about earlier and about hesitating at jumping. But if you fell, would the Doctor miss you? As much as you hated to admit it, you were absolutely in love with the adorable alien. Why did you hate to admit it? Because she was a goddess and you were a waste of skin and bones. You weren't skinny and you didn't fit in with the team at all. You were only here out of pity.

You remember when you first met the team. You were the only person alive when they searched underneath the hotel. Even the spiders didn't want you. You were at the hotel because you heard about killer spiders and you wanted an out. You could never do it or something would come up stopping you from ending all your misery. You were the complete opposite of the Doctor. She was so brave and said whatever she wanted and didn't really care for the consequences.

You focused on the Doctors sparkling eyes. Despite the situation, she still sparkled with hope and encouragement. She wasn't upset with you. You really wished she was. This would be such an easier decision to make. Your head was pounding and your heart was going faster than her two hearts. Did you even want her upset? You couldn't tell, your head was spinning wildly, one thought going to another without a chance to process the last one.

You had come to a clear decision. You ran back and let momentum do its thing as your feet left the muddy gravel. You felt so free as you glided in the air for a few seconds. It was the most beautiful feeling. No punishment, no tears before going to sleep and no terror of going back home. Just you and gravity.

Then with a clearer mind you regretted your choice. You were horrified. You weren't ready. It wasn't time yet. Graham can't lose you. He'd only recently lost his wife. He'd feel the same as you and that thought terrified you. He'd survived cancer and gained himself a new family. He can't be like you. Ryan needed him, wether he was willing to admit that or not.

Suddenly you panicked and last minute reached your hand out hoping you'd grab something. Anything. You felt a soft warm object and latched on for dear life. You were then lifted up and onto soil. You focused on your breathing a moment and waited for your heart to calm down. You looked up and saw what, or rather who, saved you. You shouldn't have been so surprised to see the Doctors worried face above yours. She gave you a questioning look, knowing the question, you nodded your head and she straightened herself and helped you up.

"That was great (n/n)! So brave of you! Let's go gang, we've gotta turn this drill off before it splits the planet in half!" She shouted as she ran forward, seemingly knowing the way. She didn't let go of your hand until you reached the drill about 10 minutes later. You couldn't help the blushthat formed on your cheeks. The Doctor quickly opened a panel on the side of the drill.

The drill was massive, bigger than the Eiffel Tower and that what was on surface level, it went down much deeper that it had reached halfway to the liquid nitrogen that ran in this cold planet where our magma centre would be. The drill itself was purple and spherical. The panel box was the size of a human head which was about the size of the civilisations sucker pads. Inside were 3 buttons and 1 lever. You needed to type the pattern that would gain the access to the drill and force stop. If it goes wrong, it speeds up rendering this planet uninhabitable.

You watched as the Doctor quickly typed the pattern in. Red,blue,red,red,red,blue,black,black,blue. That was the pattern she quickly pressed in and held the lever down for 10 seconds. Soon the drill came to a halt and the planet was peaceful once again. You all let out a sigh of relief as it stopped.

You made your way back to the chief of the race and explained that they should dismantle and never use that drill again unless they plan to empty the panet of everything it has within. He quickly agreed and the fam made their way back to the TARDIS.

As soon as tye TARDIS was parked on the edge of your solar system, you got into your comfy clothes ready to nap or maybe play a few games to slow your adrenaline until you were tired enough for a full nights rest. You played a few rounds of uno and some poker where you used some bits of metal instead of chips. Eventually everyone had left except you and the Doctor.

You made your way to the doors of the ship and settled down just watching the stars in front of you. If the sentient machine hadn't already been aware of your darkest thought, you would have jumped out there and been amongst them. Just floating eventually turning to nothing but bones drifting, maybe to never be found. All the sights you've seen and yet this is where you were the most impressed. This was your home, your galaxy and because of all the light pollution, you had never been fully aware of how many neighbours you had because you had been literally blind. This was only stuff captured and faked and now, it's forever in your mind.

You heard movement and a shuffle next you. You knew who it was because she was the only other person awake and you knew she was going to ask and not let it drop until you tell her truth. And you were going to give her it but that doesn't mean you were ready to do so but you had to, someone had to know. Maybe you wanted help or maybe just someone to listen and know everything making you mentally naked in front of them.

The Doctor waited a few moments. She was figuring out how to word it without sounding horrible. "Is everything alright at home?" She asked her voice laced with genuine concern. "Sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt but let me explain. You've been really weird lately. You hardly speak and when you its with as few words as possible, you keep going elsewhere mentally and Rassilion forbid anyone getting angry with you! I also noticed how you hesitated today when jumping and I saw your worry and panic when you jumped. I think I know but I can't help you if you don't at least tell me what is going on! And don't change the subject or anything, just answer me please. I lo-. I can't lose you too." Her voice raised a little as she panicked just speaking about it. Halfway through she grabbed both of your hands and continued her speech.

You looked deep into her eyes for any sign of a lie but there wasn't one. Just like at the canyon, her eyes showed nothing but love. Maybe you should tell her, just her. No Yaz, no Graham and no Ryan. Just you, The Doctor and the TARDIS. You looked away for a moment as you collected your thoughts. However, as you opened your mouth and tried to speak, you found no voice. You couldn't tell her about them. Lord knows what she's capable of. But you've been looking for an out for so damn long. Maybe this is it. She's your out, no death involved.

You walked towards a panel in the console and pushed your hands inside and focused. You focused on the worst time it happened. You concentrated on the fear and everything attached. You couldn't tell her, but you could show her. The TARDIS disappeared into the vortex but didn't seem so sure on landing. She was picking it all up, she felt everything you did and she did not like going. "Please baby girl, I need her to know. I need help but I can't tell her. She's my only out that doesn't involve death and that terrifies me! Please. I understand your hesitation but she needs to see." You spoke mentally to the sentient blue box. She made a sad sound as she gently landed in the moment.

The Doctor looked at you bewildered. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. You walked up to her and grabbed her hand reassuringly. You led her to the doors that separated her from your darkest secret. You took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

You appeared to be in the basement of your house. You walked up the stairs and took her to a storage room where she could see it happen. You sat in silence for a few minutes only the sounds of breathing and your heartbeat could be heard.

You knew this day off by heart, it plagued your nightmares often. It all started to sweet and went sour so quickly. At this time you were currently on your way back from doing your weekly shop to Tescos making sure you didn't forget their vodka and gin on your way to pay. Thankfully, the shop was only 10 minuets away and you doubted that the TARDIS would make you wait longer than nessacary. Just as the Doctor opened her mouth to speak the door opened and in walked an 18 year old you.

You set the bags down and started sorting the items into their new places. The canned foods go in the cupboard and the meat goes into the fridge. There were loads of food and stuff to go through and place properly. After you placed the last can of baked beans into the cupboard, the door swung open, nearly breaking the door.

They came home from their dealers place early. They stunk of weed and alcohol and had a little white powder around their nose. They looked like they had a good time until they had to come home. It was their dealers birthday so he was having a brothel themed party meaning there were strippers, pole dancers and prostitutes as well. The dealer was a rich guy who practically ran this city. The cops couldn't do anything as he could always bail himself out of jail.

They looked you in your comfy clothes and scoffed. They looked angry. "Why aren't you in your normal clothes babes? I thought I told you to throw away all of that shit. Come on now. Don't tell me I wasted all my well earned money on those clothes I specifically chose for you?"

You shuddered, both in the past and now except now they only made bile rise into your throat. You were so young and vulnerable. Now you know better.

The past you quickly scampered off to get changed. After only 5 minutes you reappeared in what was sexy school girl. The blue miniskirt covered less than most underwear so you were forced to wear a thong. The shirt was a bralet that barely covered your nipples. Your hair was in pigtails and you wore thigh highs. The sight made you silently sick in your mouth. You looked pathetic and weak.

You looked at them expectingly. You were waiting for your next order from them. They seemed to drool at the sight of you. "That's better babes. Why didn't you go shopping like that? Show the world your fat ugly figure? I want you to walk out there and see that no one else wants you but here I am, loving you. I am the only one who will ever like you in the way we have now. Your lucky I've had some fun tonight. All I want is my vodka and a new blunt darling"

You quickly went and grabbed their stuff and walked towards them as they settled in front of the TV. They turned the TV on and put Love Island on. How you hated that show. It made you feel bad for being the size you are. The women on there were beautiful but you also knew that, that kind of beauty costs money. So while your partner had fun watching the show for the romance, you watched it to spot what part of them was bought and what was real. Almost all the women had fake teeth and breasts. You hated how your partner would make snide comments on how they looked compared to you.

"You should be looking like Becky ya know. Beautiful teeth, big perky tits and a fucking great ass. What do you have? Flabs!" And there was the first comment of the day. The first of 30, you counted.

"Yeah well you are fucking broke so I can't look like fucking fake ass Becky or the others!" You thought. Then the Doctor gave you a look of shock and pity and then you realised you said that aloud. Not loud enough for them to hear you but enough for the Doctor.

"Make yourself fucking useful and make me some dinner. I fancy a steak and chips." They ordered as you got up and waddled over to the kitchen. A few minutes in you realised you put too much oil in the pan for the steak but the steak was already in and cooking quick. So quick that it started to smoke just a little bit. You tried blowing it away from them before they realised that you fucked up their dinner but ut was too late. They were already on their feet a marching towards you.

"I'm so sorry. I accidentally poured too much oil in. I'm so sorry. I have a spare steak, you can have my meal for tonight, I could do with skipping a meal anyways, helps me lose weight!" Past you was panicked and present you wasn't much better. Even though you were safe from them, they still made you uneasy. If you were to ever see them again, you'd freeze. They made your blood run cold. Even their voice sent unpleasant shivers down your spine.

"You better make me another steak but I still have to punish you. You fucked up, a lesson needs to be learnt." They said scarily politely. They grabbed your left arm and marched you towards the sink. They also grabbed the burning pan and pinned you so you had no escape as they poured the boiling oil onto your skin. You knew not to scream do you bit into your other arm knowing a bite out of it is better than causing more punishments for screaming.

When they were done left to watch the TV and you knew what that meant. You had to cook the spare steak and make there meal before you can get proper treatment at the hospital. Through your tears of agony, you quickly ran your burnt and bleeding arm under the cold water of the sink. You bit deeper into your other arm and tasting blood, but thay didn't stop you until the left one had cooled down. Then you got an old shirt, ripped 2 pieces of fabric off and wrapped them around both arm Injuries. You then continued their meal.

Once they had the meal they kicked you and punched you in the stomach because the chips were slightly cold and then they drove you to the hospital as they promised. When you had left you didn't realise you had been crying until a drop fell on your arm. You walked out of the storage room and sat on the sofa, turning the TV off.

The Doctor looked shocked for a moment before walking over and kneeling in front of you. The Doctor went silent for a moment. Before she could speak, you decided to speak first.

"I couldn't tell you because I couldn't think if a nice way of telling you. I didn't want to appear weak to you." You cried as your voice cracked in the middle due to the tears and the strain. The Doctor looked at you in pity and disappointment.

"This does not make you weak. Being abused does not make you weak. Because being abused is like being tortured by someone who supposed to love you and cherish you. They are meant to protect you from danger not be the danger. I would never hurt you. I know that I put you in risky situations but believe me, I would never intentionally put you in danger. You mean too much to me" The Doctor softly spoke with tears making a little river down her soft cheeks and onto your black carpet below.

"Before I met them, I was like you or Yaz. I was so happy at everything. Very little could bring me down. But I met them and started dating them and suddenly, my world of sunshine faded to grey. There was no light. I wanted to die Doctor. When you found me at that spider hotel, I wanted to be free from them as I couldn't do it. I can't because they'd kill me. I don't want to be alive whilst I'm with them. I have so many scars from either them or me trying to end my own life and that the scariest thing. Death wants us to be terrified but wanting to die is so much more terrifying Doctor, I know that." You cried as you emptied all you could to her. The Doctor was silent for a moment, taking in everything you said. Waves of emotion flashed through her, anger, sadness, pity and something you couldn't quite place.

"You said wanted. That's past tense. You said wanted to die. What changed? What made you want to live?"

"You did. You saved me from the spiders. You gave me a temporary out of the relationship for a while. You made me smile for the first time in 3 years! You made me laugh. The world of grey is now full of sunshine and rainbows Doctor. You also saved me today. When I jumped across that canyon, I jumped to end my life. I made a mistake that nearly ended a planet! If I wasn't so fat and clumsy maybe i-"

"Don't you dare say that! You are not fat (n/n). Yes you have more plush to your body but you are not fat. I hate that word. Its such a nasty word. You are gorgeous, amazing and so brilliant. You can't see what I see and I really wished you could for just one moment. You are worthy of being loved and cared for. You are precious, rare, one of a kind. I've never met anyone like you. There's always some skinny, fake bodied and caked up women but there's no one with as much natural beauty as you! Let's get back to the TARDIS and we'll talk more when looking at the stars because I can see that being here isn't doing you any favours" The Doctor spoke with such passion that you started to believe that her words held more than those of a supporting friend would.

Once the TARDIS was parked in the Milky Way you settled by the door once again and found yourself accompanied by the sweet alien. You both sat there for a moment just content with wrapping your heads around what's just happened. You looked over to the blonde and noticed how the stars made her glow in such an ethereal way that you felt almost compelled to worship her. Maybe you should after everything she's done for you. Her eyes sparkled with si many emotions from the past senario.

"Are you still with them?"

"Why do you think I never left this place? I mean even if could, I wouldn't want to but it's mainly because if I go back home, I'll come back with more injuries. I feel safer with you. You are my sunshine and rainbows and they are my storm clouds. Whilst I'm here, I'm alive and mostly unbroken. Whilst I'm there, I'm as alive as a puppet and severely broken. I can't leave, not on my own anyway."

The Doctor looked at you in thought. "The starlight compliments you. You look so pretty and almost angelic. I just wish they never hurt my angel. My innocent angel had broken wings and I'm going to fix what the Devil broke, I promise. Just hold on, I'm going to take us somewhere."

You held the nearest crystal as the TARDIS transported you somewhere but it seemed like the sentient machine was determined to take you there as quick as she could. As you opened the doors you noticed a familiar smell of weed mixed with alcohol. You heard the familiar tune of Love Island and knew exactly where you were. You were home. The Doctor saw your hesitation and whispered softly, "I want you to pack everything you want. I've written a note for them to find. I'm going to put it on the bed. If they notice you scream for me and I'll be there. They will not hurt you much, hopefully not at all. I just need to do something in the TARDIS before I help you." She turned and left into the TARDIS and disappeared down a corridor.

The atmosphere sent chills down your spine and you were frozen. The TARDIS seemed to notice and words of encouragement were sent into your head which helped you move towards your bedroom. You quickly buy quietly opend your suitcase and started to fill it with clothing and hygiene products. As you entered the bathroom a bottle of their shampoo fell into the tub giving you away. You knew you only had so long before they came in and hurt you so you closed the door and barricaded it with whatever you could.

As you pushed the last cabinet to the pile they roared through the wooden door. "Let me in you fat dumb bitch. You've been gone for 3 weeks and you've got some balls coming back! You're lucky I haven't burned all your shit! Where have you been?"

Your heart ran at an extremely fast pace nd you knew only one person could help you now. And so you screamed her name so loud it hurt your throat bit that didn't stop you. You screamed until you heard talking. You couldn't understand what was said but suddenly a thud was heard and then silence.

"Hey Starlight! It's only me. I've taken care of them. They're not dead but in a venishion aikido. They can't move, they're paralysed. You can come out and finish packing"

You moved everything out of the door and opened it to a view you expected. The Doctor with 2 fingers to their pulse point on their neck. The Doctor smiled at when they saw you. You finished packing and zipped the bag up. Then Yaz walked in with her police uniform on and arrested them for domestic violence and many other things. Now you understood why The Doctor left, it was to get Yaz as a back up option to completely take them out of your life.

The Doctor helped open doors for you as you got your room and you set the suitcase to one side to empty another day. You both sat down on your bed. The sound was filled with nothing but 2 lifeforms breathing and the TARDIS faint buzzing. You two stayed like this, staring into each other, trying to read the others emotions. But we all know what The Doctor is like, she can't stay silent for long.

"I had to save you because as long as you were with them, you weren't ever going to be truly happy. I didn't want my big bright star to turn into a black hole, I wanted her to be a supernova. My Starlight deserves to be happy."

"You keep saying my Doctor. And you asked if I was still with them and then when I basically said yes, you quickly, as in a rush, sent us home so I could leave them. You keep saying all these things about me. You held my hand from the canyon to the drill. You are always the first to check on me and you always make sure I'm OK first even if I'm the farthest person from you! Doctor, be honest, I don't want any more bullshit. Doctor why?" You spoke softly but with determination. The Doctor blushed and shifted her gaze to the stars and quietly gulped. She knew this day would come. The day her secret was revealed. And she dreaded her answer and she dreaded your reaction. And whilst she figured out what to say, you already knew the answer.

You gently grabbed her chin and made her look at you. Once her gaze caught yours, you smiled and placed your lips to her soft ones. Quickly she caught up and kissed you back with all the love and passion she could muster. She wanted to relay that she did love you and that she would do exactly as she said earlier, she would cherish you.

As for you, you smiled. You finally had an out that didn't end in death but instead ended with the same love that you yearned for, for years.

[somewhereinthepines]

Thank you for such a detailed answer to my ask regarding Chris's reaction to Laura biting Ryan! It gave me so many questions about what you'll decide to do in the story (being pre-game) but I think I'll just wait for the chapter to come out and enjoy finding out as I read! (If you can't tell, I'm very excited!)

Also, I'm curious: In your response, it sounded like Chris would murder Laura as his human self rather than mindlessly kill her as a werewolf. What state of mind would he be in? In ASB there are a lot of moments where Chris struggles with guilt (which is written really well btw). Would he have a lot of internal conflict over killing Laura or do you think she pushed him too far after hurting the people he loves to the extent that she did?

haha, no problem! i’d love to chit-chat about those two any time. and well, i can’t say much about the last chapter atm, bc i love it, when people sort of go in blind (past hints in the tags), but as i promised to a few people, this fic won’t be a death fic or like too heavily canon events related. and i’m happy to hear it! hope, that you will enjoy the final part of this story too! 

yeah, i kinda think, that he would snap at her as a human. bc if he did it as werewolf, it would have been a bit less personal, since animals can understand only that much lol. and tbh, they didn’t striked me as hella intelligent species in the game, so i doubt that in werewolf form, chris would have made so many connections as to why, he’s angry at laura. vs just being feral and wanting to kill everything. 

but mm, i think that it would have been a moment of his actual breakdown. like if he woke up with so much mess on his hands, i imagine, that as he’d be stuck with realization that not only had he fucked up (failed to keep conselors safe), but that it all also might be in the open now too (murder coverage and such). and then, it also depends on how many people chris himself would have ended up killing. like his parents, bobby. and okay, uh, let’s imagine that at least half of counselors dead as well (technically, he would assume that it his fault, even if it’s jacob’s really lol), his parents/his brother are dead or all 3 of them are, ryan was endangered and STILL a werewolf, just as cursed as chris is. and then, kaylee is dead. i can’t see him taking it well. i can’t imagine him letting laura live after that. part of it will be his fault, naturally. he’d know, that part of it always, always going to haunt him, but then, laura also guilty. for so many things, really. for not simply driving to a motel, that night. for not caring enough to actually learn, who the first wolf was, simply assuming that it was chris, and going after him. instead killing his daughter. she’s also guilty for sort of being a reason why ryan would go with her. ryan, who got stabbed, bit and who saw the absolute worst side of chris, who he assumed was such a good man. so in a moment, from chris’s devastated and enraged perspective, it would be all her fault. in that single moment, i imagine that nothing would feel more justified to him, than shooting her with silver or snapping her neck. i think, that it would be murder in a fit of anger. an impulse. and since chris is still a werewolf, he’d be more aggressive as well, so no chance to sit back and think about it, bc there isn’t anything to think about for him. kaylee, his child, was killed by some chick, who didn’t even bother to make sure, that she killed the right person. 

and at that point, chris literally had lost it all, basically. he failed everyone and what is one more murder to the whole bunch, that he commited already? the guilt would come after, but less so the sentiment of killing laura tbh. more just, that he did an awful thing again and it won’t fix anything. and realistically, while games/media love doing the whole ‘accepting that someone had no other choice, but to kill someone who you had loved’, well, irl this reasoning won’t stick. it would be meaningless and unacceptable either way. 

hope, that it anwsers it, haha.

[angstyaches]

The Strong One

I accidentally posted a reply to this ask too soon (instead of saving it as a draft as I’d planned) but here is what Mushroom Anon said:

ngl your self indulgent fics are some of your best ones. okay so my request was : a generally stoic and strong character getting sick from emotions? like from a panic attack or anxiety? their s/o is worried because ???? what happened?? turns out they’ve been having a Really Stressful Week TM and proceed to get pampered and loved. For felix and elliot. omg also how about : a little outsider shot of the two of them here pov ryan and nancy. thanks! 🍄

Post Thicker Than Blood Arc (i.e. after Felix comes back from visiting his mother’s nursing home etc.) And dude, I LOVED the Ryan/Nancy POV idea, holy shit. Thank you so much for that addition!!

CW: secrecy, bickering, panic attack, emeto, mention of (past) deaths.

___

“Good morning, darling,” Felix chirped as he entered the kitchen. Elliott was sitting at the marble countertop, one hand propping up his chin while the other tapped away at his laptop keyboard. Felix wasn’t sure what Elliott was working on these days – and he tended to get huffy and defensive when asked – so Felix made a grand gesture of cupping a hand around his eye while walking past. Look, darling, I’m not looking!

“Morning?” Elliott glanced down at his watch, tilting the laptop screen so that it was almost halfway shut, despite Felix making it obvious that he wasn’t looking. “It’s basically the afternoon.”

“Hmm?” Felix took hold of Elliott’s wrist, tilting his head to read the time. “No, it’s still the morning for seven more minutes and twelve more seconds.”

Elliott grunted. “Oh. Well. You got me.”

Felix chewed his lip, his feathers a bit ruffled by Elliott’s tone. He glanced through the kitchen towards the sitting room. “Where is everyone?”

“I think Nan dragged Ryan to the farmer’s market.”

“No!” Felix gasped. “I wanted to go, too.”

“Should’ve woken up earlier then, huh? Maybe joined me on a morning run?”

A grin spread across Felix’s face, his natural response to Elliott’s attempts to mould him into a morning person. It hadn’t happened in the last seven years, so it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

He leaned his head against Elliott’s shoulder, even though his hair was still dripping wet from his shower. “I love it when you nag me. You in the mood for a drop of coffee?”

“No, Fee, I’m fine.” Elliott tugged the laptop screen even lower, as though he thought Felix was trying to peek.

Felix looked up, a bit startled by the solemn tone of Elliott’s voice, and confused by just how protective he was being on his screen. His partner looked down at him, still the taller of the two while sitting on the island stools. His eyes portrayed an uneasy darkness that made Felix frown.

“Is…” Felix’s heart skipped a beat. “Is everything alright, darling?”

Elliott blinked. “Yes. Why?”

“I – you just seem…”

One of Elliott’s eyebrows arched.

“… Tense,” Felix grimaced.

“Tense?” Elliott repeated dully. “Well, excuse me. Not all of us had fifteen hours of sleep.”

“Huh. Okay.” Felix pursed his lips and padded unhappily across the white tiles, towards the coffee maker. He felt silly. He could usually handle Elliott’s teasing and such, but something about the way he was acting felt strange. It was like something had shifted between them.

Felix felt his heart sink as he scooped coffee grounds into the machine, his motions slowing.

It had been three weeks since Felix had returned to the Aldridge’s townhouse, after spending a few weeks up north and visiting his mother in her nursing home. Beyond his first few days back, Elliott hadn’t questioned him too much about what had happened up there, so Felix had assumed – hoped – that he’d decided to put it all behind them. But there was a chance he had changed his mind since then, right?  

Felix blinked, realising he’d spilled grounds on the glistening white countertop. He barely cared. He turned around. “Elli?”

“What?” Elliott had lifted the laptop screen again, still sitting stiffly as he navigated some screen that Felix wasn’t allowed to see.

“Are – are you still angry with me?” There was a tiny hitch in Felix’s voice, which he couldn’t help. He didn’t want to take Elliott’s mood and make it all about himself, but the thought of Elliott quietly holding onto resentment made Felix’s stomach hurt.

Elliott let out a rasping sigh and slapped the lid of his computer shut. Felix jumped on the spot, watching with wide eyes as Elliott dropped his head into his hands where he sat. Felix was overcome with worry, sure, but for a tenth of a second, all he wanted to do was check that Elliott hadn’t broken his laptop and lost whatever secret project he was working on.

“Darling?” Felix laid down the coffee scoop and wrung his hands. “If – if this is about anything that we talked about, I would want you to tell me.”

“No.” The word was murmured so softly that Felix barely heard it. Elliott let out a shaky, audible breath, his face still hidden in his hands. “No, boo, you – you and I are fine.”

“You – I’m sorry, you keep using that word. Fine…”

“You and I,” Elliott huffed, “are perfect, Fee.”

That should have been reassuring, but Felix still had that sinking sensation in his chest. Elliott’s shoulders rocked forward slightly, like he was trying to curl into a ball where he was seated.

At least this time, Felix didn’t have to hesitate in coming to Elliott’s side. “Elli,” he sighed, sliding his arms around Elliott’s waist, resting his forehead on his back. “Talk to me.”

“I…” Elliott started off shakily, gulping so hard that Felix heard it from where he was positioned behind him. “I-I don’t…”

As he waited for Elliott to find the words, Felix gently moved a hand up and down over his ribs, hoping the contact was soothing and not stifling. Elliott’s chest was rising and falling way too quickly for Felix’s liking. He decided he should probably back off and give his partner space to breathe, but as soon as he started to move, Elliott grabbed one of his hands and tugged it towards his chest again.

“You have something, now, or someone who… who can tie you to your old life.” The words vibrated within his chest and his back as he choked them out.

Felix frowned and lifted his head, looking up at the back of Elliott’s. The taller boy’s dark hair was scooped into a messy bun. The ends were knotted and ratty. It hadn’t been cut in so long. “Darling, I don’t want to be tied to that life. I want to be tied to this life, with you.”

“I know, I know, but it got me thinking about the people I used to know, and how…” Elliott shuddered in Felix’s grip. “How they would all... I knew it was a long shot, but I tried finding some names online, but we – Jesus, most of us didn’t even have full names, we were just trying to survive –”

“Darling,” Felix whispered, at a complete loss for anything more substantial to say.

“I mean –” A dark tremble of laughter broke through Elliott’s voice. He swivelled the stool, stepping down and taking a few steps across the tiles. “It’s pointless to even look for them, right? What are the odds any of my old friends also happened to end up becoming immortal vampires, huh?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Rhetorical question, boo.”

“Sorry.” Felix followed a few steps behind Elliott as he went to the kitchen window. It didn’t even seem like he was looking at anything in particular, but simply exposing his retinas to the light from outside.

“Elli?” Felix said quietly.

Elliott glanced at him, just for a moment. His eyes were dark and wet, his lips trembling as he gradually lost the battle against full-on hyperventilation. He shook his head violently, gaze wandering aimlessly again. “I don’t – I don’t feel right. What’s wr… What’s wrong with me, Fee?”

“Darling, try to slow your breathing.”

Elliott slammed his palms down either side of the kitchen sink, his shoulders buckling forward under the pressure of the gasps and heaves racking his body. “Felix, what’s wrong with me?”

“You’re panicking,” Felix said, shocking himself with how calm he sounded. He closed the last few paces between them, unable to resist being next to Elliott while he was in this state. “I’m right here, alright? I’m going to touch your back, Elli, but – but please, tell me if it’s not okay…”

“Don’t,” Elliott gasped, shaking his head violently. His mouth bobbed open as he lowered his shoulders even further, eyes widening. “G-going to –”

A moment before Elliott started dry heaving, Felix realised what was happening, and obediently took his hand back. As a rule, Elliott detested being touched when he was sick, and Felix had learned to stop fighting that a long, long time ago.

Felix flinched at how violently sick Elliott suddenly was. His head was practically in the sink at one point, his body buckling under the intense convulsions. It was impossible to distinguish between the laboured breathing and the dry heaving, but every sound and every lurch made Felix’s heart twist a little tighter in his chest.

“Darling, I’m sorry,” Felix choked out. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise you had all of this going on inside you.”

Elliott whimpered at that, attempting to lift his head a little higher. “Fee, I just –” He was immediately interrupted by a wet belch, and a clear stream of saliva that he needed to spit away from his lips into the sink. “You just got back, I w-want – wanted things to be normal… for you.”

“Elli,” Felix whined. He couldn’t believe what was happening here. Elliott was trying not to cry as he spoke, and Felix almost lost it too, though he did his best to keep a hold of things. He couldn’t be sure, of course, but he had a feeling he knew exactly what Elliott meant by ‘normal’. He meant the normalcy where Felix could be a mess and Elliott was forced to be the strong one.

He watched as Elliott brought his elbows down gently in front of the sink, letting his head drop against them as the nausea finally seemed to past. He trembled and sighed deeply, seemingly in resignation.

Felix cleared his throat softly. “May I touch you?”

A very quiet chuckle emerged from Elliott’s buried face. “You may.”

Felix rested a hand gently on Elliott’s back, introducing the slightest amount of motion so that his fingertips grazed over a small portion of his spine. He lowered his forehead to Elliott’s shoulder again, this time with very little weight behind it. He needed Elliott to know he wasn’t leaning on him, but that he was there for him.

And he was capable of being the strong one sometimes.

___

“You know, there was a time where you would have helped me bring the bags in from the car,” Nancy sulked. Her arms were outstretched and wrapped around half a dozen bags from different vendors which were pressed against her chest.

“It is not my fault that you insist on buying so much,” Ryan said calmly, following her wife to the doorstep with her hands in her pockets. “For example, you did not need to purchase onions from three different stalls.”

“I told you; they’re different varieties!”

Ryan sighed as she opened the front door and stood back to let her wife into the front hallway of the townhouse. “An onion is an onion, love.”

“Felix,” Nancy grumbled, turning as she walked and narrowing her eyes at Ryan. “Felix will back me up. Felix! Felix, sweetheart!” she called towards the stairs.

The response from within the house was a muted sshhh, which sounded much closer than the upstairs bedrooms. Nancy frowned, meeting Ryan’s gaze for a moment as she closed the front door. Ryan made a beeline towards the kitchen and Nancy followed, dragging her feet slightly on the tiles as she struggled with her bags. She paused by the kitchen island to deposit all of them, watching as Ryan rounded the far corner and stared at what was happening on the sofa.

“Oh, sweethearts, what’s happened?” Nancy gasped, rushing over to stand next to Ryan.

Felix was sitting – almost upright – at one end of the sofa, white Elliott curled up next to him, his head resting in the smaller boy’s lap.

“Is… Is he asleep?” Nancy whispered.

Felix nodded silently. His poor eyes were red and a little puffy as he glanced back and forth between his two foster mothers.

“Anything we can do?” Ryan asked in a low voice, slipping her hands into the pockets of her slacks again. Nancy couldn’t help but pout; oh, sure, you’ll ask them if there’s anything they need you to do, but you won’t help me carry a couple of bags into the house.

A weak smile tugged at Felix’s exhausted expression, and he shook his head. His fingers drifted over Elliott’s head, brushing back a thin strand of his dark hair. Nancy once again couldn’t help herself, this time pursing her lips and wondering how long it had been since Elliott had cut his hair.

“Everything’s okay,” Felix murmured softly. “I’ve got him.”

[redhoodieone]

I Want to Suck Your “C”

A/N: Hiiii everyone! I haven’t written smut in so long, so I thought…what the hell? Write something dirty for the hell of it! So, here it is! Hope you enjoy it! P.S…if this becomes a big hit…I’ll write a Part 2 where Jason Todd returns the favor for the reader and eats her…you know…hahahha!!!!

Warnings: Smut…language…just filthy stuff.

Plot: Reader wants to suck Jason’s cock so bad. He doesn’t mind one bit. Once they’re alone in church, she shows him how much she needs him. Two horny teenagers in Catholic school give into temptation and they soon learn being bad is so good.

  I Want to Suck Your “C”

I know I shouldn’t be proud. This revelation should be a wakeup call to get help, or go all our church services to beg for mercy and forgiveness.

Because what would my parents say if they found out I was secretly a cock slut? What if they think if I just came right out and said I’m a cum slut...

For Jason fucking Todd.

Here I am, an eighteen-year-old who is about to graduate from St. Mary’s Catholic School, sitting in the church with my other classmates and listening to Father Peter telling us stories about...wait for it...

Temptation.

I silently whimper, wiggling my ass in my seat to properly pull down my plaid skirt to my knees, but the length isn’t as long as it should be. I swallow hard when I chance a glance at the other side of seats where Jason Todd is sitting with his friends.

For an eighteen-year-old boy, Jason isn’t like the other guys in our grade who still look like they’re growing out of puberty. Already taller than most boys, Jason’s body is as masculine as I could imagine despite always wearing his school uniform of gray slacks, a white button down, blue blazer, and blue and yellow striped tie. I can’t lie and say I’ve never noticed how his pants really define his rather large bulge and how his biceps flex every time he’s reaching out to throw a football on the front steps of the church before and after school.

And don’t get me started on his dark hair and blueish/gray eyes. The guy could be a fucking model when he graduates, but the sexiest guy in school has already claimed he wants to become a priest.

If Jason Todd really becomes a priest, consider me his devoted believer.

Or sinner...

I can’t really say that I disagree with Jason’s future plans considering I do know for a fact that he had a very rough past. Details about his upbringing and parents have never been discussed amongst us peers as Father Peters and our other teachers have told us Jason’s past will always remain a secret. But they couldn’t blame us for being curious anyways since Jason was brought into the church and school when he was just fourteen years old  after getting into dangerous trouble. Father Peters actually saved Jason’s life, and in a way, he gave Jason a second chance at life.

And he gave him a home here in the church.

Maybe that’s why Jason is dead set on becoming a priest...maybe to help others and give them a second chance at life.

I’m completely staring at Jason now. He’s facing forward, listening to Father Peters ramble on and on, while I’m imagining the ways I would commit sin and give into temptation to Jason Todd.

I would suck his cock.

Fuck that. I WANT to suck his cock.

Damn...I bet Jason has a big, heavy, thick cock.

I mean, his hands and feet are huge, and I overheard from some other girls that the size of hands and feet could confirm boys’ dick sizes.

Even my best friend Bree had said her boyfriend Ryan’s dick size was accurate from just the size of his big hands and feet.

My mouth waters from just thinking about Jason’s cock. I bet if I sucked him hard and swallow his dick good that he’d shoot his hot, delicious cum down my throat and have such an amazing orgasm all because of me.

But then to my horror, Jason turns around in his seat and spots me staring at him like a psychotic, creepy stalker. Embarrassed and wanting to die in this church, I slowly sink in my seat and force my eyes away from him.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I suddenly losing my cool? How in the world could I be so fucking horny?

True, as a Catholic teenager, I admit I haven’t ever engaged in any sexual activities because of my vow to wait until marriage. But just because I’m saving myself until marriage doesn’t mean I have to ignore and suffer through the agony and war of my sexual urges. And it’s simple: I masturbate.

Most of the time it works. I’m no stranger when it comes to massaging and pinching my sensitive nipples or finger fucking my pussy until I literally explode through my wet release. But lately my uncontrolled horniness seems to be coming from my longtime crush Jason who has lately been hanging around my inner circle.

True, we do have mutual friends and we are in most of each other’s classes, but I can’t help but wonder why. Why is Jason always close by? Why does Jason always look like he’s watching out for me when I’m by myself?

And why is Jason staring at me right now during our church service?

From just the corner of my eye, I can see Jason staring at me with an unreadable expression.

Is he mad at me for staring at him first?

Is he wondering what my deal is?

Is he trying to tell me I need to get help or he’s going to file a restraining order against me?

The church bell soon rings, and we’re all dismissed to go home.

Standing in the hallway just outside the church doors, I slide my messenger bag over my shoulder. I then notice everyone had quickly taken off to go home. Skipping my way down to the doors, a hand grabs a hold of my elbow and tugs me backwards until my back hits against a strong chest.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Jason Todd.

I would recognize that deep, addictive, and unforgettable voice anywhere. 

I initially freeze. Is he really talking to me right now, after I made a complete idiot of myself for staring at him like he’s some sort of expensive prime rib?

“I said, where do you think you’re going, Y/N?”

I’m suddenly being turned around to face him. His hands move up from my elbows to my shoulders. I’m able to finally see how serious he is and how he wants me to answer to him.

So, I look up at him and squeak an answer out like a mouse because I apparently can’t speak like a human being. “Home.”

Jason raises an eyebrow. “You’re really going to go home right now?”

His hands are still gripping me, and I swear his fingertips are rubbing hard through my blazer so I can feel him touching me.

“Well, everyone else has gone home so...I have to go, too,” I answer weakly.

Jason licks his lips and instantly smiles down at me. “That’s a shame...because I thought you wanted to stay behind and explain why you were staring at me like you wanted to eat me.”

You mean, eat your cock. I think to myself.

“About that, I’m really sorry I was doing that to you earlier. It was...very creepy of me to do that,” I apologize, feeling more embarrassed about how stupid I am, and how I can’t handle this stupid crush I have on him. “I won’t do it again. I know it bothers people, and I-I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“But you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable,” Jason speaks out fast and stares into my eyes. His pupils are blown. “In fact, you made me feel like you wanted to do something...”

“Something?” I whisper.

Jason leans in closer to me. I can feel his hot breath on me. He smells so fucking good. He must be wearing a woodsy type of cologne, and his breath smells minty from chewing gum earlier.

His lips practically touching mine, but there’s still that thin open space between us.

“Yeah...but what? What were you wanting to do...to me, sweetheart?” Jason whispers.

“I wanted to suck your cock.”

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

DID THOSE FUCKING WORDS JUST LEAVE MY FUCKING MOUTH?!?!

Holy shit, Y/N!

I stare at Jason; horrified and humiliated at how blunt I am, how I can’t keep my sexual thoughts to myself, and how I’m going to have to change schools because of this!

Jason is going to hate me now. Any chances I had with him before graduating school are now gone.

I need to leave. I need to get the hell out of here now. I need to leave town.

I force myself to look up at him after having my eyes shut tightly in fear from what I did. But Jason’s eyes are not angry. He doesn’t seem offended or even weirded out.

In fact, Jason looks...horny.

His eyes have darkened, and his pupils are huge. His hands grip my shoulders tighter and I can see he’s breathing kind of hard; almost restraining himself.

“I’m sorry. I’m so-so sorry for what I said. Please. Please don’t hate me,” I plead, after noticing he hasn’t moved or said a word to me. “Let’s just pretend this never happened. Okay? Let’s just pretend I never said that and I never meant it.”

I expect Jason to leave now. I even expect him to tell Father Peters what I said.

But no. What Jason does next is something I could have never imagined.

“No.”

I blink a few times. “Excuse me?”

“I said no. No, I don’t want to pretend this never happened.”

“But...but I seriously made you uncomfortable. I know you don’t like me, but-”

“That’s bullshit! Of course, I fucking like you, Y/N! I’ve always liked you!” Jason snaps, obviously angry at me for a reason. “Why do you think I’ve been hanging around you more? And don’t tell me it’s because of our friends, because if you watched me more, you would see I was the one staring at you the whole time.”

I softly smile. “Really?”

“Hell yeah, Y/N. You’re so fucking beautiful, and that completely confuses the shit out of me that you can’t or don’t see that.”

I open my mouth to speak but Jason beats me to it again.

“I want to eat your pussy.”

My eyes widen at Jason’s confession. I don’t know what startled me more: Jason having a dirty mouth and swearing, or him actually admitting he wants to go down on me?

Maybe both.

I feel like I’m dreaming. I’m probably asleep in the church from earlier. Oh yes. I fell asleep during Father Peters’ story.

Jason pulls me towards him until our bodies touch. I feel his lips against my ear. “Is that something you’d want, Y/N? Huh? Is that something you’d want me to do to you?”

I feel my pussy tingling with excitement. I know I’m getting so wet in my panties. I rub my thighs together but unknowingly rub myself against Jason during the process.

“Do you want me to eat that delicious, wet pussy of yours?” Jason whispers to me.

“Only if I can suck your cock, Jason.”

Jason quickly pulls back to look down at me with such heat and adoration that he kisses me hard. He wastes no time licking and nibbling my bottom lip for me to open my mouth. His tongue searching throughout my mouth, rubbing against my tongue, and just swallowing each other’s moans is everything I’ve ever dreamed of.

Breathless, we pull away from each other; but not for long.

“Father Peters won’t be back for another half hour. Let’s go to the church.”

Not even a second to think, I agree with Jason’s suggestion. We need to be alone now.

Jason takes my hand and leads me into the dark silent church. We stand behind the alter where no one could see us unless they turned on the light. But with the sun still out for another hour, we could see each other just fine.

He quickly brings me close to him so our bodies are touching. He slams his lips against mine and we fall back deeply into our kiss. I can feel his hands running down my shoulders, down my back, until he grabs a hold of my ass with both hands.

I moan into his mouth. I allow my hands to rub his hard chest until I move my hands down his abs and eventually down to his crotch area.

I pull my lips away from his only enough so I can whisper to him. “I want to suck your cock so badly, Jason. I want to suck so hard. I want you to fuck my mouth until you cum. I want to taste your cum so much. I’ll swallow every single fucking drop until you can’t give me more. I just want you, Jason. I want every inch of your masculinity, please,” I plead like a desperate little slut. And I literally feel no shame or embarrassment now.

I can see Jason’s hunger for me in his eyes. He’s panting so much right now that I know for a fact this won’t last long.

“Fuck...doll. Are you my cock slut? Huh? Are you my cum slut now? You want my cock and cum, don’t you?” Jason asks me breathlessly.

I grip his tie so hard. I’m having the hardest time controlling myself until he gives me the green light. “YES! Oh God, yes Jason! I’m your cock slut! I’m your cum slut! I want your cock and cum so much! Please let me!”

Jason grins cockily and unzips his pants. “Drop to your knees, Y/N.”

I fall to my knees. Hard. But I don’t care. I’ll handle the pain because nothing is more important than Jason’s cock.

Unbuckling his belt, I waste no time pulling down his boxers until his long, hard, thick cock slaps against his stomach. I stare in amazement. It’s everything I imagined it to be. I quickly reach up to grab a hold of dick just so I can lick the tip, sucking and swallowing his precum like I’m drinking from a ripe peach.

“Oh fuck...Y/N,” Jason moans out breathlessly. His hand quickly runs through my hair until he’s holding a good handful of it to tug. “Suck my cock good, sweetheart.”

I moan from just the smell and taste of him. Despite the natural sweat of his, his scent is pure musk and it’s just...so Jason.

Jason is literally all man. And I love that.

I then lick his cock from the base back to the tip while looking up into eyes. “Go ahead, Jason. Fuck my mouth. Give me everything you’ve got.”

“Y/N...”

I wrap my lips around his cock while holding the rest I can’t fit into my mouth. Slowly, I begin to bob my head back and forth just to get used to Jason’s cock. I’ve never sucked a dick before so I just try to go along with what seems like could feel good and by the hot sounds coming from Jason.

Jason begins to pant hard; moaning every time I swallow his cock only to pull back and suck his sensitive tip just to get a response from him.

And that’s what I’m getting myself off on: Jason’s moans.

I grab a hold of his hips and begin to push him into my mouth: showing him he has my permission to thrust in my mouth. He starts off slow; gradually gaining speed when he sees that I can take his cock no matter what.

I could feel myself wetting more in my pantries. With one hand, I reach down under my skirt and rub myself against my underwear; feeling the juices I’m making because of this hot guy.

“Ah shit...oh fuck...Y/N,” Jason moans louder. “You suck my cock so good. Fuck...you like sucking my cock, don’t you? You like sucking my big cock?”

I nod my head and moan my answer; humming around his cock that vibrates and makes him whine.

God, I fucking love destroying this guy with my mouth.

I quickly glance up and see Jason with his head tilted back and eyes shut tightly when I begin to go faster. I start to jack him off fast, gripping his cock in a tight fist while sucking harder. I moan around his cock to encourage him to fuck my mouth with every hard thrust he’s giving me.

His hips colliding against me doesn’t bother me at all. The way his cock goes farther and farther into my mouth makes my eyes water, but his whiny moans and the thought of him cumming because of me is worth it.

I start to imagine Jason fucking my pussy. I imagine him fucking me with his deep, hard, and fast thrusts. I know he could make me scream his name and cum. I could cum right now just because of what I’m doing to him.

“Y/N...I’m-I’m gonna cum,” Jason moans and grips my hair tightly. He’s breathless. He’s whimpering because he’s going to cum hard. “Fuck...I’m gonna cum in your mouth. I wanna see my cum on your tongue.”

Just the thought of Jason cumming from me is what I want the most. I know once this is over that this can’t be the end.

It just can’t be.

Suddenly, Jason thrusts hard three times in my mouth; gasping and choking out my name as he cums hard into my mouth; spurting and coating my throat and tongue.

“Y/N...” Jason moans my name. “Fuck...”

It’s delicious. Jason gently pulls away from me as I sit up straighter on my knees and open my mouth for him.

There on my tongue. Jason’s cum. Hot and delicious, just for me.

“Fuck doll...do you like my cum? Does it taste good?” he asks, panting hard from his orgasm.

I swallow all of it. “I love it. It’s yummy.”

Jason’s eyes darken again from what I said. He growls. He immediately almost turns into a predator as he kneels down to the floor and crawls over to me.

Without any warning, Jason pushes me down onto my back. Lying down on the floor, he gets on top of me only to pull down my skirt and panties. I squeal when his hands finally settle on my hips only to hold me down.

My bare pussy is on display. Just for Jason.

 With a cocky grin, he looks into my eyes and licks his lips.

 “I want to eat your pussy.”

[thiswasinevitableid]

for the meet ugly prompts, 38 indruck nsfw ;)

Here you go!

38: I overhear you ordering your coffee in a coffee shop and I’m trying to place your voice when I realize that you’re the phone sex operator I’ve been calling on and off for the last few months but the realization startles me so much that I accidentally spill my drink on you and you’re pissed

Indrid thought he was having a normal day. He’s treating himself to a post work iced vanilla mocha, then he’ll go home, watch T.V and draw, maybe jerk off, then go to bed and get up in time for his eight a.m appointment tomorrow.

He’s messing around on his phone when the person placing their order catches his ear. There’s something in the drawl, polite and friendly, that feels weirdly familiar. It’s not a regular at the shop, and a glance at the mans face offers no useful information; he’s a complete stranger.

The barista asks something about the second drink, and the man replies, “as sweet as can be, please.”

“Ahnngod, please, please, please say I can cum?” Indrid’s been edging himself with the fleshlight so long his wrist is sore.

“Hmmm” the voice on the phone takes his sweet time answering, “dunno, not sure I punished you enough for teasin me in the bar.”

Indrid whimpers, hoping the neighbors can’t hear (even if he’d like them too, they haven’t consented to it).

This is how his calls to the 1-800-Hot-Guys line have gone ever since his first time. He asks for “Ryan,” gets a sweet, southern greeting before the other man asks what he’s in the mood for tonight. See, Indrid’s only recently begun exploring his interest in men, and is discovering that a better sense of his sexuality makes it much easier to get in touch with his other desires. Like being fucked in a bathroom stall where lots of people can hear what’s happening to him.

Ryan always takes the ideas generated by Indrid’s desire-addled brain and runs with them. Tonight, virginal Indrid Cold went to a leather bar and found a bear waiting for him (he suspects Ryan might be one in the real world, because when Indrid first revealed that preference his moans sounded a touch more genuine). The bear made him blow him in front of everyone to make sure he was worth taking home, then told him not to cum until he was done fucking him.

“Please?”

A chuckle, “Okay darlin, you can cum.”

Indrid’s certain he hurts Ryan's ear with the noise he makes as he spurts into the toy, but all the other man says is , “Good boy.”

After a moment, he adds, “aw fuck, meant to bring some spankin or somethin into the scene because I know you like it.”

“That’s, that’s quite alright. I’m not sure you could ever disappoint me.”

“Thanks, sugar.”

Indrid whines, hoping it sounds horny and not like the noise a man who’s just realized he’ll be sleeping alone makes.

“You like when I call you that? Because it’s true; you’re as sweet as can be”

As he’s been having its slow-motion realization, Indrid’s body has been going on autopilot, picking up his cup when the young woman behind the counter calls his name. Which means that--when Indrid startles at his revelation-- the cup is in perfect position to send its contents flying straight onto the man who caused it.

“AHfuck, jesus man be careful!”

“I, I’m so sorry, here, let me-” he slips in the puddle of coffee and hits the floor, kicking the other man in the shin on his way down.

“Owfuck, fuck, okay, don’t fuckin try to help again.” The man snaps.

“Nono, right, I’m sorry, goodbye” he scrambles up, sticky with shame and vanilla syrup, and hurries out of the shop.

--------------------------

Duck keeps an eye on his burner phone while playing Plants vs Bom-Boms on his real one. It’s shaping up to be another night with only two calls.

He took up the phone sex thing during the last government shutdown; the park had to furlough them, and he needed money. The extra cash was nice enough that he kept at it even after work started back up. He isn’t the most in-demand operator; he can’t lie, laughs a little too easily, so lots of callers don’t come to him a second time.

One of the few who does is Indrid. He’s Duck’s favorite because their fantasies align well enough that he actually jerks off while on the phone with him. But the guy hasn’t called in two weeks; this is a bummer, in part, because Duck came up with a scenario involving a pool table and a biker gang he thinks Indrid would really be into.

More than that, he’s worried about him.

He worries about him so much that even a half a day later he’s wondering if he should figure out how to have someone check on him. The coffee shop is conducive to thinking. Right up until the dipshit who spilled coffee on him a few weeks back plops down in the seat across from him.

“You here to ruin another shirt?”

The man, all silver hair and angular features, shakes his head, “Nono, I, I really am very sorry about that. I came to offer to buy you another.”

Duck points at his cup.

“Some other time?”

“You come here often?’

“Since I moved to the city, yes. I was out in the suburbs up until a few months ago.”

“Fine. Next time we see each other, you owe me a drink.”

He nods, nearly sliding his red glasses off his nose in his eagerness. Then he taps on the table, “There’s, ah, something else you should know. We already know each other. In a way.”

Duck frowns; he’s never seen this guy before, he’d remember his face.

“We talk on the phone. Often.”

Oh fuck.

“My name is, ah, it’s, it’s Indrid.”

“Jesus, glad you’re ok--hold the fuck on. How the fuck do you know who I am?”

“I recognized your voice the last time we were both here. I, I wanted to get to know you more but I felt it was only right to do so if you knew I knew who you were so you wouldn’t be uncomfortable, but you clearly are, I’m so sorry” he stands up, banging his knee in the process, “I promise I won’t call any more, I didn’t mean to be creepy, I’m sorry, goodbye.”

He’s out the door in a flash of long limbs before Duck has a chance to respond.

Duck sighs, downs the rest of his coffee, and decides not to dwell on the fact he’s going to miss Indrid’s calls.

--------------------------------------------------

Indrid’s excited. He really is.

It’s just that the sex club is even more overstimulating than he anticipated.

It was alright at first; when he replied that yes, this was his first time, the guy working the counter ushered him over to a set of blue velvet seats and told him to wait. Soon, Indrid and ten others were being given a rundown of the rules, risks, and etiquette of the space, their understanding of which they signed in a neatly typed contract.

Then they turned them loose into three stories of sexual exploration and Indrid froze, totally unable to process it all. Lucky for him Lucy, there with her girlfriend Willow, helped him navigate the edge of the first floor until they came to one of the “chill out” rooms; rooms for people for whom the club was as much a place to chat with friends as it was a place to get spanked or suspended. They even have juice.

After three separate people check to be sure he’s alright, he asks the trio on a nearby couch where he should go to if he’s interested in bondage and impact play. They all agree the second floor is his best bet, and that there’s a shibari demonstration starting soon.

To reach the demo room, Indrid passes though a portion of the space that reminds him of a hotel. The nice dominatrix explained the rules for their use as: doors and windows closed, leave us alone. Curtains open but door shut? You’re free to watch, but don’t come in. And if the door is open, you’re welcome to join whatever is happening. He pauses at some open windows, but nothing really catches his attention.

The demo room is already packed, so he stays at the back. A perk of being tall is he can see the couple on the little platform easily without blocking anyone else’s view. The dom is explaining why she chose the rope she did and what ties she’s going to show everyone. Indrid listens, but his eyes wander in hopes of finding someone checking him out.

Someone is. But Indrid isn’t sure it’s a good thing.

Duck stands a few bodies to his left, looking him up and down with a slight smile. Well, at least that means he doesn’t think he’s stalking him or something.

The other man meets his eyes, tips his head towards the nearby green room and raises an eyebrow. Indrid nods, picks his way through the crowd to find Duck has beaten him there.

“Y’know, if you’d told me you were into this scene, I coulda worked with that.” He polishes off his water and tosses the cup in the trash.

“I...this is my first time. Is, ah, is it yours?”

“Nah. Came some when I was younger, decided to come out tonight because I was bored and itchin’ to get someone cute in my lap.” The casual way he says it is a hundred times hotter than the practice voice he used on the phone.

“Ah. In, ah, in that case, would you mind if I asked you a question?”

“Shoot.” Duck leans against the wall, grinning.

“Am I dressed alright for this?” He gestures to his pink and yellow tank top and black jeans.

He watches Duck catch his laugh before it starts, which he appreciates.

“You’re dressed just fine, Indrid. I mean, just look at me.”

“I am” Indrid is having such a difficult time tearing his eyes from the way Duck’s white t-shirt fits his chest or how the bluejeans show off his ass. Duck catches him mid-ogle, which is all it takes to drop his gaze to the floor.

“C’mon, sit down with me a sec.” Duck settles on a grey couch, leaving Indrid space to join him, “feel like you and I got off on the wrong foot. You know I ain’t angry with you for tellin me you were a customer, right?”

Indrid shakes his head but sits down all the same.

“Indrid, you startled the hell outta me when you admitted that. For a second, I was sure you were gonna try to get somethin outta me by threatenin to tell my boss at my regular job. But then it was so fuckin clear all you were tryin to do was be straight with me and try to be polite about the drink thing, I wasn’t mad at all. You just up and bolted before I could say as much.”

“Ah. Yes. I, ah, I can be a bit of a walking disaster so I try to get out of situations before I make them even worse.”

Duck touches his hand, “I get bein’ spooked. Happens to everyone. But, uh, guess what I’m also gettin at is, uh, if you wanna actually get to know each other, I ain’t gonna complain.”

“I’d like that.”

“Okay” Duck scoots closer, “let’s start easy; what do you do when you ain’t callin me?”

Indrid tells him about the tattoo shop, which leads to them comparing ink, which in turn leads to Duck getting on a ten minute digression about native plants. They’re debating the best Cramps album (Duck votes for “Date With Elvis,” Indrid for “Off the Bone”) when they decide to stretch their legs, Duck holding Indrid’s hand as he weaves them through rooms and clumps of people.

They end up doing laps of the second floor, people watching, during which Duck nudges Indrid playfully, “Knew you were kiddin me with the never been fucked stuff.”

“Ah, well…”

“Holy fuck, you’ve never had sex and you picked here as the place to try? You got guts, sugar.”

Indrid blushes, “Well, yes and no. I’ve never had sex with another guy, but I feel confident in what kinds of things I want to try. You helped a lot with that; you made me feel safe enough to express and explore my more intense desires.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“I came here out of curiosity, and because I thought my chances were good of finding someone who shared my interests without running the gamut of dating.”

“So all that stuff about bein watched, bein roughed up and used, you, uh, you really like it?”

“Indeed. Do you like it too? I, ah, I assume you pretend to like everything when you work on a sex line.”

“You’re supposed to yeah. But I’ll let you in on a little secret” Duck leans close, whispers in his ear, “I never was much good at pretendin.”

“Oh. Oh my.” He leans against Duck, excitement making his legs unreliable.

“You want me to show you just how much I like it?”

“Please.”

Duck kisses his cheek, “Missed hearin you beg, sugar. C’mon.” He pulls Indrid two doors down to a room dedicated to impact play. People are sprawled and tied to crosses, benches, chairs, all of which look exciting. Duck doesn’t stop to consider them, doesn’t even hesitate on their trip. He stops at a table, one bolted to the floor, and digs through a nearby basket.

“Here it is” he pulls out a red blanket, holds it out for Indrid to test the texture.

“It’s lovely.”

“Good” Duck spreads it on the table, “you’ll be comfier this way. How naked do you wanna be?”

“Is just my underwear alright?”

Duck points to the completely nude person being spanked on his right and the fully clothed one being hit with a crop to his left.

“I meant with you.”

Duck sets his hands on Indrid’s hips, “as long as I get to see this cute ass in the air for me, I’ll be just fine.”

Indrid quickly strips to his boxer briefs, opts to leave them on for now. Duck licks his lips, pats the table. Indrid bends over it, feet planted on the floor.

“Gonna use just my hand tonight. Easier for me to feel how hard I’m hittin, and I wanna be able to grope you while I turn your ass red.”

He moans, tenses as Duck rubs soothing circles on his ass. The first few slaps are mild, Duck checking on him after each one. Then one comes, hard and sharp, and he gasps, hips momentarily twitching away from Duck.

“Still good?”

“So very good, more, pleaseAHgod” He clings to the far end of the table as Duck brings ten slaps down on each side before giving him a rest.

“Let’s see...how many times would you say you called me?”

“At, at least fifteen.”

“Fifteen times two, add a few extra for ghostin me…” Duck pets his lower back, “You’re gonna get forty on each side as punishment for not lettin me see you cum all those times you called. Think you can handle that?”

Indrid nods.

“Count.”

“AHone, two, th-three, Aaaah,god, fourfive…”

Indrid loses himself somewhere around “ten” on the second side; all his focus is on being good, on counting out each strike, on taking whatever Duck wants to give him. His heartbeat is loud in his ears and his skin stings from ass to thigh. Dimly, he hears spectators complimenting Duck on having such a well-trained sub.

“He is, ain’t he?” Duck lands the final blow with a grunt, keeps his hand there and squeezes. Indrid whimpers, the pain going straight to his already aching dick. Duck shifts his stance, still mercilessly groping the bruise but pressing his fly against the cleft of Indrid’s ass, making it abundantly clear Indrid isn’t alone in his arousal, “he fuckin knows who he belongs too.”

Indrid moans, tears pricking his eyes; Duck is wonderful, Duck is handsome, Duck is perfect, and Duck is claiming him instead of someone twice as attractive or experienced.

“I know, sugar, you like it when people see how good you are for me.” Duck crouches down, petting Indrid’s hair as he studies his face, “you wanna regroup and finish this at home? Or do you need me now?”

“Now?” Indrid raises his head hopefully. His voice is odd in his throat, vulnerable but not afraid in the slightest. Duck nods, helps him up, thanks the person who offers to clean-up the station since Indrid, “looks like he’ll hit the ground if you let go” and grabs Indrid’s clothes.

“No point in putting these back on. Not with what I’m gonna do to you.”

They find an unoccupied, cleaned room, Indrid flopping on the bed as Duck closes the door.

“You wanna prep yourself or do you want me to?”

“I, I can do it. And could we, ah, leave the curtains closed for this bit?”

“Course.” Duck draws the red fabric tight as Indrid fishes complimentary condoms and lube from the bowl on the table. He’s so wound up he starts with two, the stretch uncomfortable for a few instants before he gets himself to relax.

“You look so fuckin good doin that.” Duck is undressing, only taking his eyes off Indrid when his belt buckle resists him.

“I’ve had a lot of practice fingering myself while listening to you. I, I’d picture whatever person you told me to but I, none of it compares to you.”

Duck blushes as he pulls his pants off.

“I mean it. You, you’re so handsome I” he tenses, pushing the third finger in and fucking himself fast, “I can’t believe it. I,I want to be so good for you, Duck, please,” he’s babbling, decides to quit while he’s ahead, “is three enough?”

“You tell me.” Duck gestures to his dick with a flourish; it’s average length, he thinks, but combined with the dark hair on Duck’s belly and the strong curve of his thighs, it is the most glorious dick in all of creation.

“Yes, yesyes, please come over here now oh, wait, the curtains please?”

Duck whisks them open on his way to the bed, settles with his back against the wall before rolling the condom on with ease. He points to his lap, “You wanna face me?”

“Yes. I...I like the idea of people watching but I don’t think I can handle seeing their scrutiny just yet.” He straddles Duck, let’s the shorter grope his sore ass before guiding it down.

“You sure you wanna do this now?” Duck murmurs into his chest, “you don’t owe me your first time with a fella.”

Indrid kisses his forehead and sinks down in reply.

‘Fuck!” Duck grips his hips, laughs, “that’s a hell of an answer, sugar.”

“Nngh” Indrid’s whole brain goes offline at the feeling of Duck inside him.

“Dick drunk already?” Duck teases.

“YesAHGOD, god, ohmygoodness.” He clings to Duck’s shoulders as the other man fucks up into him with abandon.

“That’s just fine, ‘Drid. Got enough brains for the two of us; all you gotta do is be my cute, fucked-out toy.”

“Nffph” Indrid hides his face in Duck’s neck. His legs and ass, still sore from earlier, are reluctant to obey his mind, so all he can do is let Duck bounce him on his cock or hold him down on it to thrust up in short, demanding jerks of his body.

“We got an audience.”

Indrid tries to moan. It comes out a whimper.

“You want me to tell you what they’re doin?”

“Mmhhmm”

“Two of ‘em are makin out with one eye on you. The other three…” he nibbles Indrid’s ear, “they’re jerkin off to us. Don’t blame ‘em, you look so fuckin good on my dick they all wish they were me.”

“Duck” his cock keeps rubbing on Duck’s belly, threatening to spill before he’s ready.

“One of ‘em asks how you feel on my dick. You want me to tell him?”

“Please.”

“Fuckin’ great!” Duck yells, “it’s his first time and he’s” Duck grunts, bucks his hips, “so fuckin tight but takes it like a fucking champ. Gettin in this ass is a fuckin privilege.”

Indrid smiles into his skin at the pride in Duck’s voice and the responding whoops from outside.

“Fuck” Duck kisses his cheek, “fuck, shoulda grabbed a cock ring, I’m gonna cum way too fuckin fast.”

“Me, me too.”

“Just like a fuckin virgin.” Duck quickens their pace.

“I’m not a--Aaaahn” the noise cuts off as he cums between them, cock pulsing onto Duck’s skin.

“Fuck, fuck that’s hot, fuck, c’mon sugar, lemme cum, lemme cum right in this fuckin perfect assfuck, fuck, ‘Drid.” He holds Indrid down, groaning as he pumps his hips. Then he tips them forward, crashing their mouths together and pressing Indrid into the bed.

When they surface for air, the spectators are gone. Duck pulls out, cleans them both up as Indrid tries to remember how words work.

“So good.” Is what comes out.

“Glad you think so.” Duck gathers him into a hug, “you want me to do all the aftercare here?”

Indrid blinks, “what’s the other option?”

“We could, uh, go back to my place?”

“That...I’d like that. Wait.” Indrid cocks his head, “do you...would it really be okay if I stayed the night?”

“Yep. Kinda hopin you’d stay over plenty in the future.”

“You want to date me?’

“Damn right” Duck kisses him, “besides you, still owe me a drink.”

Indrid kisses back, grinning, “So I do.”

[harrysgloves]

Let Your Hair Down

Get caught up with the Let Your Hair Down Masterlist!

word count: 1,477

summary: Harry gets more than he bargains for when he falls not only for you but your little girl as well.

warnings: None yet other than language. This is purely plot and set up. Smut in future chapters.

a/n: First fic so go easy on me. Probably a lot of spelling and grammatical errors but this idea wouldn’t leave me alone so I had to write it. Anyways enjoy! xx

>>><<<

You checked your eyeliner in the visor of your car one last time before shutting it with a huff. You wanted to be here today, you really did, but you also wanted to be at home working on the mile-high pile of laundry that had managed to back up over the last week and a half.

The day was perfect for a cookout, the sun was shining and there were very few clouds in sight. Which meant your bubbly, bouncy, mountain of joy was going to bolt for the pool any second now.

"Okay Thea," you said, turning around to your 4-year-old daughter to give her the before we go in here talk.

"When momma says it's time to leave that means no fight. Right?"

"Right." She agreed. Her eyes wide with excitement and you knew you were only going to hold her attention for a few seconds longer before she lost complete patience. She was already in her swimsuit and her small tiny hand was on the door handle, her bright pink nail polish you had painted on the night before not chipped yet, and her pink and blue friendship bracelet from your sister hanging on her wrist.

"And if momma tells you something, you're going to listen or we're leaving. Got it?"

"Yes!" She groaned her attitude already that of a grown teenager and not a 4 almost 5-year-old.

"Alright, go on then." You never thought she could open the door that fast but as you saw the pink streak of her dashing towards the house you could help but chuckle. She was definitely a handful sometimes especially since you were a single parent but you wouldn't trade your life with her for anything. Plus you were better off without the lying sack of shit that unfortunately had to be her father.

"AUNT SARAH! UNCLE MITCH!" You heard her scream her hellos to your friends and shook your head at her antics. You knew she was excited to see them. It had been a long time since you had felt comfortable enough to come around your old friends. The divorce had really taken its toll on you, made you isolate from everyone you used to talk to. You were just finally starting to get out of the hole you had managed to dig yourself in, a year was long enough to mourn for the life you were never going to have.

"Hey guys." You smiled brightly as you gave Sarah a hug. You had only known her a short time before she married your high school best friend but in that time you had really gotten close and enjoyed having her around maybe even a bit more than you did Mitch.

"You look amazing Y/N!" Sarah gushed over your new outfit you had just bought. The white wrap dress laid perfectly against your curves. It hit just above your mid-thigh which made your legs look long and the white lace trim danced beautifully around your bust, making your cleavage look incredibly larger than it actually was. You had to admit this dress was an absolute steal and made you look like a knockout but the simple white strappy heels had to be your favorite part of the whole outfit. They were surprisingly comfortable for being heels and versatile. You could easily wear them again which meant you could justify how much you embarrassingly spent on them.

"Oh, this old thing?" You teased.

"Don't listen to her Y/N, you look like absolute garbage." Your supposed best friend laughed as your daughter joined in. Hugging her Uncle Mitch tightly around the neck.

"Keep it up Rowland and I'll kick your ass like that time in 11th grade P.E."

"MOMMA!" Thea yelled at you, making your heart stop in its tracks. That stupid fucking rule about no cursing was really starting to come back and bite you on the ass. You grumbled a bit as you fished around your purse and pulled out the small coin bag. You picked out a quarter and handed it to her. After all, rules were rules.

"That stupid Curse Jar is going to make me go broke." You murmured to Sarah as Thea told Mitch all about how she had $20 saved up from the jar and was going to buy a new barbie doll with it.

You followed Sarah into the kitchen to finish helping cut up fruit for the cookout as Thea dragged Mitch towards the swimming pool. She rambled on and on about how her swimming class was going and how excited she was to show him her new swim moves. A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips if she wasn't going to have much of a dad at least she had her Uncle Mitch.

"You know, Harry will be here today." Sarah said not taking her eyes off the strawberry she was cutting up but it made you stop what you were doing immediately.

"You decided the best time to bring up setting me up with him again would be when I had a knife in my hand?" You simply went back to cutting the watermelon into cute little cubes. Trying your hardest to ignore this whole conversation.

"Come on Y/N! It's been a year since Ryan and you need to get back out there. Start seeing people again. Harry doesn't ever shut up about you since the last time you guys met. Drives Mitch crazy." She turned to you putting down her knife. Obviously wanting you to actually talk to her about this and not ignore it. You sighed and sat down your own before wiping off your hands.

"No offense or anything but the last time you guys set me up with someone I ended up divorced." You tried to be as nice as possible but this was pointless. You weren't going to budge on the topic and you didn't need her making you feel guilty for not giving him a chance.

"Besides I'm sure he's more than happy with whoever his girlfriend is this week. I don't need to be another notch in someone's bedpost when I have a daughter to think about." You turned back around to your cutting board hoping that would be the end of it.

"Not all men are like that." She sighed and turned back around to her own cutting board. You could tell by her voice she wasn't done with this but was choosing to let it go before you completely shut down.

"Maybe not but you can't blame me for being closed off. I mean for God sake I walked in on him fucking his side piece in our bed." You said bitterly, cutting your fruit a little too violently.

"I know. I know. Okay, I know, everyone knows, but it wasn't your fault and it isn't good for you to stay this angry."

"I--" You started to tell her how you weren't angry you were pissed. You were mad that the person you put your faith in crushed everything but you were cut short by the handsome brunette that walked through the kitchen, with a bottle of wine in his ring laden hands.

You had to admit he looked great but you quickly shoved down the butterflies in your stomach. You couldn't like him. You couldn't like anyone right now but especially not him. Even though you wanted to, he came with too many complications, too much baggage.

"Hi." He smiled brightly. The kind of smile that made you want to melt into a puddle, his perfect white teeth shined. It was infuriating how pretty someone could be.

"Hey, Harry. Mitch is out back with Thea but you can leave the wine with us." Sarah nodded her head to the empty space oh the counter beside you.

" 'f course you only care about the wine" He rolled his insanely bright green eyes and sat the bottle on the counter. His sight finally landed on you and you could have sworn you heard him suck in a breath.

"Hey, love." He smirked as you kept your eyes firmly on the watermelon. "You look nice."

"Well, I tend to not look like trash all the time Harold." You snapped back but he just laughed it off. His chest rumbled deeply and it made you want to punch him or kiss him, it could have really gone either way at this point.

"Still feisty." He said his smile never faltering from his face. "Have fun girls." He turned and walked out of the kitchen and you couldn't help but look as he walked away. Couldn't hurt to look after all but the smug chuckle you heard from Sarah snapped you out of it.

"Oh, you two are so going to fuck." She snickered. You narrowed your eyes at her.

"I'm definitely not fucking him."

[doyelikehaggis]

it has been a hot minute but i am BACK and i also just drank like a whole ass can of monster so this is certainly gonna be something

currently watching s6 e8, it is evil chloe hours and i am HERE FOR IT

is it just me who thinks it’s hilarious that ryan and chloe are the only ones not grounded. like somehow bird is grounded but ryan isnt?? who would’ve thought.

the fact that chloe is inherently disadvantaged in her chances of signing up for the trip. how the hell is she gonna wheel herself there faster than everyone can run without getting herself grounded anyway for going too fast in the house. that was such a stupid system, honestly

everyone: wow ryan’s so mean and unsympathetic

also everyone: *doesn’t even try and be kind up chloe when she got them ungrounded for the trip*

ryan is like,, really not a bad brother? i honestly do not understand why chloe seems to think he’s so terrible (“unfortunate to have a brother who’s ryan” in her words) when she loved him so much before that one episode with the festival in the garden, and now she suddenly dislikes him because he burned sasha’s poster? like i’d get it if she blamed him for her accident but she doesn’t. and literally no matter what she does and says, he still loves her snd helps her? she’s literally like the only person he’ll put above himself and help without some ulterior motive or getting something out of it (mission totally possible notwithstanding) and yet she acts like he’s the worst unless he’s helping her and even when he is (“sometimes it’s hard admitting that someone we love is less than perfect. i should know”) like BITCH you’re worse than him! wow i am unreasonably angry about this

sasha listening to metal and knitting is such a mood. would literally kill to be her

why does bird always get framed for these things. you’d think people would learn it’s never him but somehow everyone always believes it? that kid would never do anything outside the rules unless he was helping someone he cares about *cough* jay and candi-rose *cough*

for fucks sake even ryan thinks framing bird for locking finn in the shed is too far, but noooo he’s the worse sibling, not chloe. she really blackmailed him into dressing as a fucking clown when he was meeting the mayor, but him accidentally saying that chloe was the one who locked finn in the shed is apparently so much more of a betrayal 🧐 (i’m so mad about this help)

“you’re just like ryan” WOW JAY WHEN HAS RYAN EVER REACHED THIS LEVEL OF MANIPULATION. like i know he’s bad but he’s never gotten anyone almost kicked out (i don’t think so anyway, might be forgetting things)

why does chloe get away with all of this with just a telling off and an apology (that she clearly didn’t entirely mean if “enjoy the musical. my musical.” is anything to go by) but ryan gets permanently hated. what. the injustice of this-

and then she really just tricks ryan about supposedly having given the sweets back? she is n o t the lovely person the narrative makes her out to be and i am mad

i’m sorry that most of this was just one long rant, oops 😂 also i hope you make your deadline you mentioned, good luck 🤞

Oh god, okay, I definitely know how it feels to be rambling about TDG while drinking a whole can of monster lmao (though sometimes for me it's like three cans of mountain dew.)

Honestly, I really liked evil Chloe. 1) she deserved the chance to do it at least once or twice, you know? and 2) I just love her more than usual when she acts more like Ryan, there's just something about it.

It is actually quite funny now that you're saying. But also I am now confused, is that still about 6x8? Because if so, I don't remember, was Bird grounded for lying for Jay?? Why was EVERYONE grounded other than Ryan and Chloe??

Wait, hold on, did you mean 7x8? "Snake"? Because that one I understand. But, really, Bird would never have been grounded if it wasn't for Chloe, we all know he is too precious. It is a surprise that Ryan wasn't already grounded on his own, though, I agree

That really was such a stupid system and I absolutely understand why Chloe was so mad about it. She was the one who got them the chance to go again, it was obvious she wanted to go, her name should have automatically been on the list to go. But either way it was going to be unfair because the older ones could easily get there faster than the younger ones, too?? What were they thinking?

It is really annoying how Chloe treats Ryan. He genuinely tries to help her all of the time, and as you said, would put her above himself when he literally would not do that for anyone else. And now we're never going to get anything better than what we got because they're both gone!

Oh my god, yes, Sasha with her knitting and heavy metal. She reminded me of my sister in that scene; crocheting and listening to screaming emo. Sasha is a blessing.

Seriously, it should be so obvious to everyone by now that Bird would never do anything wrong unless he had a really good reason. He's not cruel just for the fun of it, doesn't break stuff and not own up to it. If anything, he's likely to take the blame!!

Ryan's face when he realized what Chloe had done. I do think that was more because we know he does care about Finn and thinks that was a step way too far. I quite liked Ryan accidentally giving up what Chloe had done because he genuinely didn't mean to do it and looked like he regretted it right after, which is interesting for him.

I'm not sure what exactly Jay could have been referencing, it's been a little bit since I've watched it as well, but I do actually kind of see where he was coming from. I think he should have said "you're worse than Ryan" because that would have hurt a lot more, but in that kind of situation, I can see how the first thought would just be to say they're the same because it would still hurt Chloe. It makes sense dialogue wise for what realistically would be said, but I do agree that Chloe was worse than Ryan in that episode. And I loved it.

I don't know why Chloe just got away with it, to be honest. If it had been Ryan, there would definitely be some lingering grudges. Maybe they do just expect Chloe to have learned from it and never do anything like it again, so they're willing to move on and forget it, but because Ryan has slipped up again after being "forgiven" they don't believe he'll change anymore.

Haha, it's okay! And I did not make the deadline, it was for a ship week thing, but it's okay, I'll probably still finish the fics anyway and just post them on their own.

[youngerdrgrey]

a choice for the choiceless // a Batwoman, post-2x15 fic

about: Post 2x15, the ladies of the Bat Team try to help their friend, who seems almost resentful to be alive. How do you help someone when they’re in a place like this? + read on ao3

Notes: there was a lot in 2x15 (“Armed and Dangerous”), and this is partially me processing my own feelings, as well as everyone else’s. Spoilers below for that episode, as it picks up close after. Features the whole of our Bat Team; some Hamilfox and hints of Wildmoore feels here as well

Content Warnings: brief talk of suicidal ideology, hopelessness, and systemic violence against Black people

.

.

Luke stares out the window at The Hold Up. His shoulders cave inwards, and his neck strains to make up for the fact that he hasn’t totally turned towards the light. He watches it though. Tracks the people on the street while Sophie crosses back over to him with their coffees.

It’s been three days since Luke woke up from his coma. Sophie hasn’t spent a lot of time with him since then. Mostly, she talks with Jacob about what a new version of the Crows would require. She texts with Mary and Ryan, who swear that Luke will be back to his old self any day now. But Sophie wants to see for herself how he’s doing.

She sets his hot cup in front of him. The steam slips from the top of it. He glances over and nods his thanks in her direction.

Sophie starts light. “I’ve been meaning to congratulate you. You and Ryan really had me going when I ‘introduced’ you that day.” They’d pretended not to know each other, which gave Ryan a chance to poke fun at Luke. “I should’ve known you were joking. You don’t seem like a sweet drinks kind of guy.”

Luke picks up his cup. “I’m not.”

“Not the talkative kind of guy either?” she asks. Luke sighs into the top of his cup. Sophie offers a smile. “Hey, totally fine. I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“Probably about as good as you,” he says. His nostrils flare before he swipes under his nose. “Kate’s gone. Your mom won’t talk to you. The Crows are completely dismantled. In a few short months, you’ve essentially lost everything that you’ve spent your whole life working towards. How are you, Soph?”

On edge, with that list.

Sophie shifts back in her seat to get away from the cold facade that’s taken over Luke. She sips her own drink to buy a moment to process. He doesn’t mean to be blunt. He’s deflecting rather than talking about himself, but if Sophie can say the right thing, then maybe her words can help him out too.

“I’m… managing. I would much rather see all of this as a chance to start over.” At least that’s how she’s trying to see things. “Jacob’s getting clean. Ryan and I aren’t constantly fighting. She actually sat next to me on the couch yesterday without comment, so…. There's good stuff happening too. It’s not just a loss.”

Luke meets her eyes for a moment, but the warmth and curiosity that’s normally there is gone. Snuffed out. He takes another swig of his coffee, then sets the empty cup back onto the table.

“Glad to hear it,” he deadpans. “I’ll see you at the office.”

He pushes his chair back, and Sophie can’t find the words to tell him to stop. He walks off without another look at her. Sophie grabs her phone from her bag and calls Ryan.

Ryan speaks immediately. “Hey, how is he?”

Sophie sighs. “He’s still off.”

A walk sign beeps on Ryan’s end of the call. She says, “He came back from the dead. It can take a lot out of someone.”

“You bounced back pretty quick.” If Sophie remembers correctly, Ryan was back on the streets immediately. Sophie mourned Kate, and Ryan as Batwoman tore through the streets to try and take down the False Face Society. She didn’t shut down like this.

“I don’t think we can compare these. I said my goodbyes on that island, but Luke experienced one of the worst fears that we could have. Not to mention the constant think pieces and hashtags and infographics with him at the center. Give him some time. He’ll be fine.”

Luke has been a trending topic since the day of his shooting. Maybe he does only need time. Maybe he’ll snap out of it. But when Alice kidnapped Sophie nearly a year ago, Sophie would wake up from nightmares of being on that beam again. Nightmares where Batwoman didn’t swoop in, or the bomb went off, or Alice simply killed her. Sophie doesn’t have those nightmares much anymore. But sometimes, when she’s really stressed, or feeling extra alone, she can feel the winds whipping around her still.

Sophie clears her throat and clutches her phone a little tighter to her face. “Just keep an eye on him, okay?”

“I’m walking into the Tower right now. We’ve got him. Don’t worry.”

“Says the girl who cried in my arms last week.”

Ryan inhales sharply. “We’re not talking about that.”

Sure thing. They can just gloss over the fact that Ryan sank into Sophie’s arms like it was natural, or that they’d spent nearly ten minutes like that, just holding on and hoping that he would be okay. They’re still holding, even if they won’t admit it.

“Talk to him, Ryan. See if he talks back.”

“I will.”

 .

.

 Ryan puts off having a heart to heart with Luke for a few days. He’s clearly not in the mood. Every time she even tries to talk to him, he shuts her down like it’s her first week in the Bat Team all over again. So, she waits until he’s busy and tries to meet him where he’s at — beating the shit out of the punching bag in the Batcave.

The lights are barely on, so the Cave’s half in shadow. From the moment the elevator descends, all Ryan hears is the thick thud of the punching bag. The quick, hard hits of his bare fists. Luke hops from foot to foot in his fighting stance.

Ryan keeps her voice playful. “Try picking on someone your own size.” She sets him up with that. He’s got quite a few inches on her. He’d called her pocket size a few months back when she tried to show how threatening she could be outside of the suit.

But this version of Luke doesn’t even look at her. His whole body’s glistening with sweat at this point, and he grunts out, “I’m good,” before launching into a quick combo on the bag.

Ryan breezes down the catwalk to get to the training area. Closer now, he looks smaller than he used to. Like he’s not eating and instead spends all his time putting on tank tops and joggers and hiding out from the people who care about him. 

She pops into her own fighting stance a few steps out of the danger zone. 

“Well, I’m really good. I don’t mean to brag, but I am teaching multiple martial arts classes.”

He does a spin kick that sends the bag moving a lot further than it used to. How much time has he been spending down here? What’s he preparing for?

Luke steadies the bag. “I don’t want to fight you, Ryan.”

She takes the pause in his practice to grab the other side of the bag. 

“Don’t worry, I can go easy on you. Since you’re still healing and all.” She offers him a teasing smile. His cue to joke back. It might’ve taken them a while to get there, but Ryan and Luke normally play like siblings. She’s never had a brother before him. She doesn’t want to fight either.

He sighs. “Desert rose healed me all up. It’s like it—” He readjusts the wraps on his hands. Finally, he meets her eyes, and the rage in them contradicts how forcibly still his voice sounds. “It’s like it never happened.”

Ryan says, “That’s a good thing, right? You don’t have to worry about scars come summertime.”

Luke jerks his head to the side to tell her to move. Ryan reluctantly lets the bag go, and he gets back to punching. His breath comes out short, but the way he’s hitting feels emotional. Sporadic and pained.

She takes a shaky breath. “Okay, not a good thing. You seem angry. I get anger. You said yourself that I charge into fights that I know I can’t win, and maybe that’s what I’m doing with you.” She has to talk louder over his increased punching speed. “If you want to fight, then we’ll fight. If you want to scream, then we can scream. But this silent brooding thing isn’t you, Luke.”

His head whips around to face her. The bag nearly hits him back as he scoffs at her. “You’ve known me less than a year. You have no idea who I am. Or what I want.”

She reaches her hands out to him. “Then tell me,” she pleads. “Because I want my friend back.”

The fire in his eyes gives way to something hollow. Something aching. He gulps. “Well, you got him.”

“Don’t sound so sad about it,” she says. His jaw twitches, and his nostrils flare. “Wait…. Are you sad about being back?”

Luke starts unwrapping his hands. “I’m fine, Ryan.”

She crosses over to get directly in his face. “But are you happy? Are you upset? Are you—”

“I’m fine!” he yells. His voice echoes through the Batcave, and Ryan flinches. He takes a second to drop his eyes before storming straight for the elevator. He calls over his shoulder. “You can tell Sophie that too.”

Ryan waits until he’s inside the elevator to reply. “What about Mary? You want me to lie to her too?”

Luke’s face crumbles. Then he steadies it back to stone. “Tell her whatever you want. I can’t stop you.” He flips the switch to leave.

Ryan screams because she knows he’ll hear it. Throws her weight behind a punch that sends the bag rattling on its chain.

 .

.

 “See,” Sophie holds her glass up for Ryan to refill, “I told you.” She frowns as she says it, which does make her normal righteousness less pronounced. The fact that she’s curled into herself on Ryan and Mary’s couch also helps lessen the blow.

Ryan dumps the last of their shared wine bottle into Sophie’s glass before plopping the bottle onto the coffee table. She settles back into her half of the couch.

Mary speaks up from her seat in the comfy chair. “What else can we do? If he’s not talking to any of us, or a therapist, then how are we supposed to get Luke back?”

Sophie shrugs. 

Ryan suggests, “We could reach out to Stephanie. Maybe a nerd date will help Luke feel better.”

Mary says, “Just because you started dating Imani immediately after—”

Ryan cuts in, “I didn’t date her immediately after—”

Mary gets louder. “Yeah, you kind of did. Angelique left on the 3:15 train out of Gotham, and Imani came in at 3:30.” She rubs the tense spot between her eyebrows. “No judgment, but maybe that’s not the answer.”

Ryan glances to Sophie for a little support, but the ex-Crow finds her wine real interesting around then. Ryan should defend herself. She dated Imani to get out of her head. Angelique was her first love, but she and Ang weren’t meant to be each other’s only relationship. Waiting around wouldn’t have changed the fact that Ang was starting a new life. Ryan had to start one too.

She shifts on the couch, so her knees can tuck under her body better. Her leg bumps into Sophie’s, and neither of them make a move to shift away. Sophie stares down at their point of contact.

“Maybe he just needs to know we’re here for him. We keep showing up, and eventually, he’ll have to talk to us.”

Ryan nods. “In that case, you’re up, Mary.”

Mary sighs into her wine. “No pressure, right?”

 .

.

Mary and Luke don’t hang out a ton in the real world. Usually, they’re in the Batcave when they spend time together. Or he helps her at the clinic. So, she figures that she shouldn’t exactly rock the boat too far.

Luke sits down on one of the exam chairs in the clinic. The whole space is empty, with the closed sign on the front door. He shrugs out of his jacket. She tries not to look as nervous as she feels.

“Thanks for coming down.” She wrings her hands before stopping herself and planting them firmly against her sides. “I wanted to see how the desert rose in your blood compares to mine, or Ryan’s. So, uh, it shouldn’t take too long to do the draw.”

Luke nods. “Sure thing.” He rolls the sleeve of his left arm up. “I’m all yours.”

“Right.” She chuckles, but it’s a breathless kind. The kind that she needs to clear her throat to cover.

The tray’s already prepped beside him with the needle and test tubes. She rolls her own chair to stop beside him. It’s honestly the closest they’ve been since he’s gotten out of the hospital. He probably doesn’t even remember her being there. Or what she said about needing him just before he came back. That’s probably too intense of a topic to start with.

She ties a band on his arm to make his veins pop. She wouldn’t need it normally. Luke’s got great veins. Great skin in general. Softer than she’d expect for a guy who spends all his time in the same suit. She actually hasn’t seem him in casual clothes that often, come to think of it. Does he own casual clothes?

Luke chuckles. “You’re thinking pretty hard there. First time?”

Mary springs for the needle. “Ha ha. I just… started thinking about… my dad. Because of veins! And Snakebite. He’s, um… doing better?”

He smiles at her, like actually gives a short glimpse of connection. “That’s really good to hear.”

Mary runs with it. “Yeah, and he’s talking about his feelings. And Alice even warned me that somebody might try to hurt me. It’s weird, and I don’t want Alice as my family, but it’s also nice to not feel super alone….” She pricks him then. His face scrunches for a second, and she watches the vial fill up rather than watching his face. “It’s why I’m so grateful to you and Ryan and Sophie. You’ve been my family through all of this. I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Luke’s left arm twitches, but it doesn’t feel like a blood thing. More like he wants to reach out with it. She keeps her eyes low and unlatches the first vial. Grabs the second and lets that one fill too.

Luke says, “I guess it’s different for me. I have my mom, but…. Did you know she calls me every single day for check-ins?” He sounds tired but amused. “She sent me an Amazon link for a bulletproof vest yesterday. Never mind the fact that I run Wayne Tech and have literally made a better one in my sleep.” His jaw trembles. “But I get it. She almost lost me in the same exact way that we lost my dad. I-I almost did that to her.”

Mary scrambles to say, “You didn’t do anything.”

“I would have. If… if the choice were up to me, I would not have come back.” He turns to face Mary again. “A-and I love my mom. And I love our team. But I am so tired of being a part of a world like this.”

Her heart crumbles in her chest. The vial nearly overflows, and she has to grab the third one. Her hands shake as she goes for it. Her voice shakes too. “You sound kind of… schmuicidal when you say stuff like that.”

“I’m not going to kill myself,” he says. He sounds sure of that.

“But you want to die?” she asks.

“I don’t want….” He sighs and rephrases. “I just want to be somewhere else sometimes. And this whole thing has made anywhere else seem better. I mean, I was in a coma, Mary, and they were photoshopping a gun into my hand. Why would I want to be here?”

She stops the blood drawing to hold his hand. “I’m here. And Batwoman is here.”

He balls his fist beneath her grip. “And no one’s checking to see if me or Ryan are a part of the team. I’ve spent my whole life doing things the right way, and I am exhausted.”

Mary lifts her other hand to open his fist. She turns his hand so they can be palm to palm, so she can thread her fingers through his and let him feel where she’s at too. Because she might be exhausted for different reasons, but she’s tired too.

“I think it’s okay to be exhausted. And to want a break. But you can’t let all of this break you. And if it feels like it is, then I’d really like to help hold you together.” She smiles at him, and he glances away to blink some of the tears out of his eyes. She lifts her voice to add on, “Preferably with the help of a licensed psychological professional.”

“You’re not licensed, and you save lives.” He squeezes the hand in hers. “You saved me.”

Mary nods. “True, but an actual therapist could help you talk through this stuff without you feeling like you’re going to be judged, or a burden — which you’re not.” She practically scoots out of her seat to be closer to him. Her knees knock into the side of his chair, and she would totally feel ridiculous if not for the fact that he angles his body towards her too. “God, Luke, I am so glad that you’re talking to me. I want to know how you feel and what you’re going through. But I also know that a therapist can put this in a perspective that I can’t. So please consider talking to one?”

He holds her stare for a moment. “On one condition.”

“Name it.”

“Next time you want to talk, you just take me to dinner instead of taking my blood.”

Mary laughs, and Luke laughs too. “Deal.”

 .

.

 Luke’s in the bathroom when Mary texts the girl group chat. 

Mary to 🦇 LADIES DO IT BATTER GC 🦇 He sounds better. We’re getting dinner and hopefully he’s getting a therapist.

 Sophie to 🦇 LADIES DO IT BATTER GC 🦇 Great job, Mary.

 Ryan to 🦇 LADIES DO IT BATTER GC 🦇 That’s my girl! Or Luke’s girl? 👀

 Sophie to 🦇 LADIES DO IT BATTER GC 🦇 Ryan, they’re just getting dinner

 Ryan to 🦇 LADIES DO IT BATTER GC 🦇 For now ;)

 Mary leaves them on read and stuffs her phone back into her purse. Luke comes back out of the bathroom, drying his hands on a paper towel. “Ready to go?”

Mary nods. “Yeah, we’ll find our way back.” It’s the only choice they have.

.

.

.

.

a/n: The hopelessness that Luke feels in this episode and the near constant mix of emotions feel so true to my experiences over the last few years. one thing that they have gotten very right are different aspects of these Black experiences. There’s a lot to work through, and I’ve found that therapy and leaning on friends has been real helpful. Hope that Luke gets that too. Hope that you all have that as well.

Let me know how you’re feeling, re: this, or this season. Talk to me, Gotham. I’ll talk back.

[simping-on-the-daily]

I have to yet to fully develop them but boom boom bitches did you think I would stop making Dream SMP OCs? Hell nah

They both be a combination of Tales of the Dream SMP characters and actual Dream SMP characters

They're all canon and they will eventually have their own bios, but this is just a place to hold my notes basically

Toastie

Slime hybrid

They/she

Full name is Toastie Rickroll (based off the last names generally being memes)

I listened to Hamilton while making her so that helps

Fought for L'Manburg during the Independence Arc

Eventually joined Schlatt's cabinet for Manburg, but later resigned and helped join Pogtopia

Also became part of the Butcher Army

Currently apart of no faction

Respects tradition very well

Their family has fought and died for their respective countries for years

And Toastie carried on the tradition

Without something or someone to fight for Toastie kinda feels useless

They're so used to fighting that peace is basically a foreign concept to her

It doesn't help with all the wars

Toastie does what they do best: protect

And with L'Manburg gone, they now have someone (or a few someone's to care for)

Very fond of their old cabinet and her Butcher Army friends

Despises Techno and Dream for destroying L'Manburg on numerous occasions

Phil is very close to also getting on their negative list

Their most precious item is their enchanted Netherite axe, the Mindbreaker

Toastie confirms it's a family heirloom you get when you learn how to hold scissors correctly

It basically has the blood of people who fought against the country Toastie's family decided to fight for and were either killed or tortured with it

Toastie wants to try and guide it and herself on a more peaceful path, but they always end up going to violence

It's kinda engraved in her

Since she trusts Quackity due to experience, they give him their axe daily as long as he brings it back

They're unaware that Quackity's using it to torture Dream

Very protective and dedicated to fighting for those they care about

Tends to learn towards fighting as her first option and runs her mouth a lot

ThEy'Re BoUncY-

They can jump really high

Really likes swamps

If they ever get injured, the injured part can turn into miniature versions of themselves similar to tiny slimes and they'll attack their opponent

Absolutely despies Magma Cubes and will attack them whenever she can get the chance

Whisp

Wolf hybrid

But they're also a ghost!

Their real name is Whisper, and their full name is Quiet Whispers

She/Her

Large grey ears on their head

Long tail that can fade sometimes due to ya know, death

Really fun to chew on bones despite the fact that she doesn't need to eat them and she can't even digest them

She can bond with other people and she can track the people she's bonded with

Can bite really hard, has enhanced speed and strength, and they also have a pretty pogchamp smell and eyesight

Despite the fact that's she pretty powerful, Whisp is a strict pacifist who only hung around L'Manburg due to having numerous friends there

Somehow the only ghost to have a decent fucking memory of her life

Remembers good and bad, though she sometimes wishes she doesn't

Red sweaters boiiisssss

Very forgiving and kind

But a really giant people pleaser and self-sacrificial

Her self worth is based on what people think of her

Tries her best to get on everyone's good side

It breaks her if someone dislikes her

Grew up in a really shitty household where Whisp was basically ignored

So she grew up trying to gain the affection that her family never gave her

Really fucking touch-starved

Just pretty bad self esteem, even when she's dead

Please just tell her that she means something outside of other people's opinions and that she's an amazing human being

Absolutely adores animals!

Has numerous pet cafes

Like, so many gosh dang cafes

There's one for cats, one for dogs, and then there's a giant miscellaneous one

They're all part of the same building and that's also another part of it which is basically her house

BFFs with Ghostbur

Please protect her and tell her that she's amazing she really needs it

Sunny

Full name is Sunny Wholesun

Last name is a pun off 'wholesome' and 'sun'

Very proud of it

She's an angel boissss

She/her

Very simliar to Bad in terms of personality

They're both very sweet and will help anyone

Isn't a part of any countries

She just pops in when she wants to,,,,,

Conflict freaks her out

Optimsitc pal that just chooses to look on the bright side of things,,,,

However-

She wants to desperately try and be her own person outside of 'Bad but angelic' but she keeps getting compared to him

She feels like she keeps being in people's shadows despite being a literal creature of purity and light

Feels like a side character honestly

Good friends with Phil, but disapproves of his title, most notably due to it having death in it

Said to know Dream XD and the other gods of the server

Absolutely understand very dirty stuff, but chooses to ignore it

Also can understand war and sadness

Sunny just kinds chooses to keep holding her head up high

In her own words "If you always keep thinking of sad things, you'll always be sad"

And now the TOTDS ones

Lady Venus

From the Masquerade timeline

Ghast hybrid royalty

Berothed to Sir Billiam the III since birth

Very much married and in love

She's pretty kind for a royal

Or at the very least more nicer

Treats her servants well and gives them pay as well as vacation days

However, she lacks empathy and is somewhat insensitive

Doesn't understand that some people don't have the same social privilege's as her

So she can piss some people off

Her main butler was Ryan and he was basically her best friend outside of Billiam and Ranbutler

However, Ryan got angry and ended up assassinating her

Spear in the chest

Felt incredibly betrayed since Ryan was one of her few friends and died feeling fear and shock

Billiam ended up executing Ryan

With the death of his lover, Billiam aligned with the Egg due it promising to bring Venus back if he swore alliance to it

She remains a ghost, but neither Ranbutler, Billiam or anyone else can't see her

Venus absolutely despises the Egg for corrupting her family, but at the same time, truly believes it can bring her back to life, so she needs it

Her spear ridden body is in the same room as the Egg, therefore corrupting her body, and therefore her ghost, which is connected to it

Whenever Billiam or Ranbutler go down there, it ended up motivating the two further in order to bring Venus back

She clings to the hope that when the Egg brings her back to life, she can reunite with her husband and adoptive son once more and forget the Egg

She know it won't happen but hope is kinda the only thing she has

At the Masquerade, she was only able to be seen and talk to Karl due to him being from another time

Truly felt bad about his death, but didn't stop it since she wanted to live again

Without her being able to produce a heir, the Ghast royal family basically went in shambles and they all eventually died, making the Ghasts a free place with no government or hierarchy

I really love Venus as she's a very fun character to do and also very sad

Supports Ranbutler rights

Meanings

From the Village That Went Mad

Morals' ancestor

My friend compared her to that Chris girl from Carrie and I love it

She's a complete and utter asshole

Like, a full on fucking dick

Horrible person to be around

She's a villager, but absolutely everyone wanted her dead due to being a full on bitch

Jimmy theorizes that this is because of her mother also being the Enderdragon and either feeling like she's on top of everyone because of it, or that she feels inferior because Meanings isn't her mum so she acts like a dick to cover it up

It's either one of those two options

Just a full on fucking dick

I also love playing her because she's a really fun character

Horrible person, yes

But absolutely hilarious to play as

Maggie/Michael

From the Lost City of Mizu

I don't consider Mizu to be the official future, but rather an alternate reality, so bear with me in mind for that

I feel really smart with her name

It means Pearl, and you know

Mizu being an underwater city and all that?

Michael means 'who is like God', which refers to her best friend's......love for a past figure

They're genderfluid! Mostly goes by she/her, though on some days, they go with he/him

Her relationship with Ranbob is very similar to the one between Morals' and Dream

Since I don't see the story as a possible canon future but instead another alternate reality, she's not a descendant of anyone

And you know what? You wanna know what?

She's a cow hybrid now

Why? Because I said so

Remove Ranbob's very yandere personality and their friendship is friendship goals

Heck, even with it, it's still friendship goals

I will defo have more but those are the only Tales of the Dream SMP episodes I've watched, so-

[yeetingmyfeeling]

Run, Run, Run!

Chapter Four

It had been a month since Brian’s arrival, and he was really starting to settle in with the pack. They were all, mostly, friendly and accepting. They treat him like a real living thing, not an object. That was a nice, fresh change. 

Evan had gone through the trouble of buying Brian a phone and laptop, of which he couldn't be more grateful for. He brought up the idea of going out and getting a job, everyone seemed to think it was better for him to stay inside.

This made Brian slightly annoyed, but he understood where they were coming from. He just wished there was a way he could contribute more. He did his fair share of chores, sometimes stealing others. A part of this was also because he was a little bored.

He currently sat on his laptop in his room, just perched up on his bed. It was before noon, and he woke up not long ago. From what he could smell, most people were out today. Jon and Brock are out every weekday due to being teachers, same with Jarren and Tyler. Though they both would occasionally get days off during the week. Everyone else's schedules would change every few weeks. Evan was home most days, but would go to his studio three days a week at minimum.

Brian let out a yawn as he just scrolled mindlessly. He was looking through the news, but soon got bored of that. He set up a few social media accounts, with the help of Ryan, and was now looking on twitter. As he didn’t have many followers or anything of the sort, it was quite boring.

Being as bored as he was, he decided to get out of bed. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants, having only slept in a shirt and boxers. He brushed a hand through his bed hair then exited his room. 

He walked down to the kitchen, not running into anyone. That was, until he was in the kitchen. Tyler stood there, a cup of coffee in his hands, looking half asleep. He stood up straighter when he heard someone enter, looking over at Brian.

Brian smiled shyly. He still felt a little uncomfortable around the tall alpha. “Relax, I’m not going to spill any coffee. As long as you promise to not spill yours on me.” Brian saw a small smile on Tyler’s face. He walked over to the machine, beginning to make his own coffee.

Feeling eyes on him, he raised an eyebrow at the alpha. Tyler shrugged, acting innocent. Brian narrowed his eyes, but turned back to his coffee making. Truth be told, Tyler was once again admiring the Irishman's ass.

They heard someone else enter the room, and they both looked up. It was David, looking even more tired than the other two combined.  He walked over, stealing Brian’s freshly made coffee, ignoring his protests, and taking several large gulps.

“Shit that’s hot,” David mumbled, pulling the cup away and putting it down. Brian frowned, starting to make another coffee. “Thank’s Bri.”

“You’re welcome, ass,” Brian grumbled. “Have a big night or something?”

“Yeah, stayed pretty late at the restaurant,” David’s accent was thick and heavy as he was so tired. Brian’s was much the same, but David just had a deeper voice. “Some dumbass fucked up, so we had to do a bunch of shit. We lost a lot of meat.”

“That’s no good,” Brian frowned at the other, now a little more forgiving over the coffee stealing. He looked up at the taller and couldn’t help but smile. David was clearly very tired, his eyes still half shut. His hair was a mess, ahd his clothes were very disheveled. He had some stubble on his face that just made everything better.

“Wait,” Tyler interrupted. He was silent during the two Irishmen’s conversation, but felt jealousy in his gut when he saw that smile Brian gave David. “Bri?”

“Oh, I didn’t even notice,” David rubbed an eye. He lifted his drink up, blowing on it, then taking a sip. “Sorry.”

“I-I didn’t mind!” Brian interjected quickly. He had finished making his coffee, and shot a glare to the door. If anyone else came in and stole another coffee from him, he was going to riot. 

“Well good,” As David said this, he ruffled Brian’s hair. Brian felt his cheeks burn, and looked down at the coffee in his hand. “What about you Tyler? You look real tired.” 

Tyler glared at David’s hand in Brian’s hair. Why he felt this way, he doesn’t know. He does know, he doesn’t like it. “Just a shitty sleep,” Tyler grumbled. He quickly finished the rest of his drink then started walking away.

“Tyler! Are you alright?” Brain had called out to the alpha, and the alpha couldn’t resist those diamond blue eyes full of concern.

“I’m fine, Bri,” He just wanted to try out the nickname. It was nice, but the omega deserved better. “I’m gonna go play some games, if anyone needs me.”

Brian watched as Tyler left, frowning more. Though, upon the alpha also using that nickname, his face heated up more. He shook his head. Brian blew on his coffee then brought it to his lips, taking a long sip.

He looked over at the beta next to him, who looked like he was about to fall asleep in his coffee. Brian suppressed a laugh.

~~~~~

A few people ended up being home before late afternoon, and Brian was now helping Ryan and John in the kitchen. They were making dinner, and upon Ryan’s mates request, it was spaghetti and meatballs.

Brian and John were currently in charge of rolling the meatballs while Ryan did literally everything else. They offered to do more help, but Ryan was determined. Music was playing softly in the background, playing some classic old rock.

“So, Brian,” John turned to the Irishman. “You’re enjoying it here so far?”

“Mhm!” Brian nodded his head. “You’re all so nice, how couldn’t I be comfortable?”

“Even with angry alpha storming around all the time?” John joked. He pouted as he messed up on a meatball, having to redo it.

“I’m sure it’s that Kelly,” Ryan joins in on the teasing. “Getting him all riled up after a long day,” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“First of all- ew,” John shook his head in disgust. “Apparently he debunked that, David said he’s not interested in her in that way.”

“Oh,” Ryan nods his head slowly. A smirk slips on to his features. “So, someone else could have a chance with him? Say, our own little omega?” He winks at Brian, who flushes and starts stuttering.

John laughed, messing up yet another meatball. He didn’t care. “Brian’s face!” He calmed down, wheezing now and again. “Come on dude, have you seen those looks he’s been giving you?”

“He wants to mount you.”

“Ryan!” Brian had his face hid in his hands, feeling it burning. Even his ears were burning. He heard cackling from the other two. “Its- no.. what?” Brian shook his head, trying to focus back on the meatballs. “Tyler still doesn’t like me.”

“Doubt,” Ryan mutters.

After John calmed down from the cackling, he spoke up. “Ryan, you and Luke fuck like rabbits. I don’t know how he keeps up- that’s not my point. I mean, Ryan knows when someone wants to fuck someone.”

Ryan smirks cockily. “Damn right we do,” He turns to Brian, pointing a spoon in his face. “That alpha wants you.”

“What alpha wants Brian?” Luke walked into the kitchen. He stepped behind Ryan, wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing his neck. “Mm, smells good.”

“You’re home early,” Ryan spun around in his boyfriend's arms. He leaned up a bit, pecking Luke’s lips. “Tyler wants to mount Brian.”

“Yeah but, David also wants to mount Brian,” Scotty appeared, out of seemingly thin air. He stuck his finger into Ryan’s sauce, only to be slapped with a spoon. He whined, rubbing his hand as he sucked the sauce off his finger. “When I was working with him- He compared a fish’s scales to Brian’s eyes.”

“This is so gay,” John snorted. “Brian has both an alpha, and a beta after him. What will he do?”

“Die,” Brian groaned out, his face bright red. The four around him laughed. “I’m sure you guys are just imagining things.”

“No I agree, Tyler definitely wants to mount you,” Luke agrees with his boyfriend. Luke was Evan’s third. “I was hanging out with the dude the other day, and seemed so sexually frustrated. Then started talking about an auburn wolf that sparkles.”

Brian focused on his meatballs, not the blush on his cheeks. He pushed the others' words out of his head, not believing them. The attention, if it was real, was nice. Yet, he just didn’t know how to feel. Also, two guys!? Two, very attractive, tall, guys.

~~~~~

Everyone was home for dinner tonight, a fact which made Ryan more nervous. Though, he was mainly focusing on pleasing his mate. It came around to dinner, and the two who were helping earlier, were still helping.

John was going around, setting up the table. He was grumbling as he did so, complaining that this felt just like work. Ryan threatened to pour hot sauce in his eyes. Brian was subjected to going and telling everyone dinner was about to be served.

Half of the group were in the living room, so he told all of them. They smiled and gave him thanks before heading to the dining room. A few more were in the games room, and he told them. They said they were just going to finish their game. Two more people. Brain gulped. David and Tyler.

After the interaction with them in the kitchen, he felt nervous. Then the teasing from John, Scotty, Ryan and Luke just made him more paranoid. Everyone had little decorations on their doors, so it was pretty easy to find the rooms. He went to David first, knowing the beta doesn’t have a temper.

The decoration outside David’s room made Brian laugh. It was a large rainbow, and instead of gold pots at the ends, it was potatoes. It had ‘David’ in scribble writing across the rainbow. Brian knocked on the door softly.

“Gimme a sec!” Was heard through the door. Brian knew he could just tell him what he came to say, but he could hear the beta rushing around his room to get to the door. The door opened and David stood there with a wide grin, his hair was wet, some droplets dripping down his face. “What’s up Bri?”

“Dinners ready,” Was Brian’s quiet answer. His eyes flickered up to David’s, then he looked away shyly. “Better get down there soon before Ryan starts going all were-rabbit.”

“Were-rabbit?” David questioned, tilting his head as he tried not to laugh.

“The Wallace and Gromit movie,” Brian rubbed the back of his neck. “They compared Ryan to a rabbit, and I thought of that,” David burst out laughing. He told the omega he’d be down after he dried his hair, so Brian went to tell Tyler. 

He was a little more nervous to speak to the alpha, which was to be expected. The decoration on Tyler’s door confused him slightly, but like David’s, made him laugh. It was a pig in an old farm truck, driving. He wore a crown and a fluffy coat. The side of the truck had ‘Wildcat’. Below that, it said ‘Piss off, it’s Tyler’. Brian snorted. He knocked on the door.

The door opened quickly, surprising Brian. There stood Tyler, looking only mildly annoyed. He was shirtless, wearing only sweatpants. He was sweating, and panting, and, Brian had to look away quickly. He stared at the hardwood floor beneath his shoes. 

“What?” Tyler grunted out. “I was in the middle of doing weights. Can I do anything for you?” Tyler’s smell started to hit Brian’s nose and he had to straighten out his mind.

He cleared his throat harshly and looked up at Tyler. He had to count in his head. He was on suppressants, but that doesn’t mean his heat won’t come. Maybe his heat was coming up and that’s why this sweaty alpha was in front of him. Brian knew if he dared look at the sweatpants, he would most definitely send himself into a heat. 

“It’s dinner time,” Brian finally spoke. Tyler raised an eyebrow at him. Brian rolled his eyes. “Come down for dinner, Ty. Before Ryan has our asses.”

“Ty?” Tyler mumbled. No one had ever really bothered giving Tyler a nickname, maybe that chick from the mechanic. Brian made it sound less filthy though. He was sure the omega could make it the good kind of filthy. Tyler had to take a step back. “Yeah, okay. I’ll just- be down in a bit,” Then he shut the door.

Brian frowned at the closed the door. That was a bit rude. He huffed but went back downstairs to the kitchen. Ryan then ordered him and John to get everyone drinks, to which they both groaned.

So they went to the dining room. Everyone was there except David and Tyler, but Brian knew that. So they went through and asked what everyone wanted. Evan wanted Strawberry lemonade, Jon tried to ask for a milkshake but Brian threatened to just give him milk and ice cream in a wine glass, so he went with a strawberry lemonade as well.

Brock wanted mineral water, John gagged, Anthony wanted a beer, Scotty and Marcel wanted the same, Luke wanted whiskey, Ryan yelled at him from the kitchen so he changed it to a beer, and Jarren wanted a lemonade with three ice cubes. John could have hit him.

So John and Brian went back to the kitchen to get everyone's drinks. Brian ran into David along the way, who asked for a beer. Running into Tyler, he asked for the same. Brian called everyone alcoholics, then decided he would also have a beer.

“Not like they have beer all the time,” John said as he pulled beers out of the drinks fridge and handed them to Brian, who put them on the counter behind him. “We haven’t drunk in a while, and they aren’t going to get drunk. So it’s fine.”

“I stand by everyone being alcoholics,” Brian said as he looked at the seven beers on the counter. They got the other drinks ready, John was having a lemonade and Ryan was having mineral water.

They took the drinks out in turns to put on the table where everyone was sitting. This is when Brian saw that somehow, he was stuck in between David and Tyler. Brian internally groaned, it was going to be a long dinner. 

Soon enough, Ryan had finished the meal and had plated everything up. So the three spent time taking the plates out to everyone. Apparently Ryan portioned everything for specific people. Say, most of the alphas dishes were bigger than the omegas. Brian thought that was smart.

Once the food was out, and everyone was seated. They were finally ready to start eating. Evan made a joke about saying grace, to which Jon said he would burn up on the spot if they did. Then David said Ryan should look about working as a chef. Ryan said he rather look at animal guts than deal with angry customers, which he still does but not like at restaurants. Fair. 

[girlsgonemildblog]

She Doesn’t Even Go Here - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 6 Recap

Image from abc.com

Last week’s episode ended with MJ and Jessenia going on a pre-rose ceremony quickie 2-on-1. As they wait for Matt to arrive, they begin to go at each other’s throats, and he inevitably ends up walking in on their bickering.

Matt speaks with Jessenia first. During her conversation with Matt, she says that MJ is the one who began the drama, which is objectively not true. While MJ was a bully, the actual bullying was definitely started by Victoria and Anna. Jessenia was right to call out MJ, but there was something sketchy about her in this moment. Her whole speech seemed very rehearsed, and her tone was calculated. I don’t know why, but she just comes off as fake to me.

MJ, meanwhile, is crying and calling Jessenia a “little bitch”, which isn’t great for her “not a bully” argument. She then collects herself, fluffs her hair, and declares that she had a “weak bitch moment” and “forgot who [she is] for a second”.

Matt then talks to MJ and says that the person Jessenia described did not match his experience with her. It seems that Matt actually had a connection with MJ, which was shocking since I don’t remember them ever speaking before. I really think the drama this season has overshadowed the actual romance, which is expected to some extent but also annoying when it gets to this point because The Bachelor is a dating show at its core.

MJ gets sent home, and even on her way out, she refuses to take ownership of her actions, instead claiming that Jessenia “sabotaged” her. Jessenia gets the 2-on-1 date rose, but it isn’t shown. I think this may be the first off-screen rose in the history of the franchise. Sketchy. 

Shortly after the rest of the girls arrive, Chris Harrison joins them and tells them the cocktail party has been canceled, and they’ll go directly to the rose ceremony. The last mean girl standing, Serena C (pictured below), then declares that the toxicity in the house never should’ve been brought to Matt’s attention and blames Katie for the lack of time she’s spent with him. As Katie correctly points out, Matt canceled the rose ceremony because he knew who he wanted to keep. If he sent Serena C. home, it was because he didn’t have a connection with her, not because of anything anyone else said or did.

Image from abc.com

Unfortunately, he does not send Serena C home. Instead, he says goodbye to sweet Magi, who we better see in Paradise, as well as “new girls” Brittany and Ryan, leaving Michelle as the only remaining member of the second batch of ladies.

The next day, Serena C. decides she needs to “confront” Katie. What her actual argument against Katie was, I could not determine. She seems to think that bullying, harassment, and slut-shaming should be allowed to continue if stopping it could affect her chances with a guy. Serena C. contains so much internalized misogyny that it actually makes me miss the #girlboss feminism that this show usually espouses.

After all the yelling (there was a lot of yelling), Serena C. goes downstairs to talk shit and says of Katie, “she came in hot with her sex positivity,” like being comfortable in your sexuality is somehow a bad or shameful thing. This actually makes a lot of sense; Serena C. doesn’t know how to properly masturbate and possibly has never cum. Maybe an orgasm would make her a little more pleasant to be around.

Image from abc.com

The first date is a one-on-one with Pieper. She and Matt go to a private carnival in the woods at night that looked absolutely magical.

Photo from Twitter

She opens up to him about having a different love language from her parents, who express themselves through actions instead of words. She explains that this has made it hard for her to open up. Matt says he used to struggle with the same thing, and she gets the rose.

Photo from Instagram

For the group date, Matt takes the girls bowling. Why you would want to touch communal, uncleanable objects and then eat finger food in the middle of a panoramic is beyond me, but to each their own, I guess. The group is split into two teams, and only the winners will get to go on to the night portion. The girls who lose are understandably upset, specifically Abigail, who has grown frustrated with the process as she feels she and Matt are growing apart rather than closer. Kit has yet another funny one-liner, asking Matt, “what do you want in a wife? A bowler?”

Shortly after the losing team gets home, they are invited back to the date since Matt doesn’t want stupid games affecting his time with anyone. This is a great PR move for Matt with the girls. Also, it suggests to me that there was someone on the losing side who he really wanted to get to talk to…

Michelle, who was on the winning side, gets the rose, but I don’t know why because I don’t pay enough attention to the parts with no drama.

Katie finally gets a one-on-one, and the “activity” is pranking Matt’s best friend and bachelor nation heartthrob,  Tyler C., while he gets a massage. The two sit in a hidden room and whisper directions into the masseuse’s earpiece like Impractical Jokers, if it was actually mildly entertaining and the hosts were attractive. During the night portion, Katie gets friend-zoned, and we sadly have to say goodbye to one of the only good people on this season.

Photo from Twitter

Oh! I just realized I forgot to mention this entire episode has been littered with 30-second snippets of Heather Martin quarantining to get a chance to meet Matt. If you’re unfamiliar, Heather was on Colton’s season of The Bachelor, and her storyline was that at 23-years-old, she had never had her first kiss. Colton did eventually kiss her, and according to other contestants of that season, he was not very good at it. But doesn’t everyone’s first time suck, really? So it was fitting.

Anyway, as the cocktail party is beginning, Heather pulls up (in a minivan for some reason), walks right past all the girls, and goes directly to interrupt Matt and Pieper. As soon as Matt sees her, he burst out in laughter. Now I do not judge him for this, as I am also a nervous laugher, but this still cannot be a good sign for Heather. All the girls are angry, but Pieper specifically can best be described as “big mad”. Cue the cliffhanger.