#Row zero

[kendrixtermina]

WTF happened? A compilation of the Evidence so Far and an attempt at a Nuanced Take.

So, the allegations regarding Rammstein.

I’m going to have to talk about them, both because the band has been a part of my life for so long it’s a family running gag, and for my own damn peace of mind.

I first saw it in an internet news article a few days ago.

My first response was to try as best as I could to suspend judgement.

The last thing I want to do is have any irrational loyalty when its ‘my turn’ to listen to reality over any personal attachment I would have.

However, two things can be true at the same time:

a) A lot of abuse goes on in showbiz & victims are often not believed

b) Crazy stories get made up about people whom the media or politcal movements have listed as “enemy” – and that’s been the case for them a long time.

The media responses have been very black & white, with on the one hand the classic cancellation treatment of ending all contracts and basically un-personing them, and on the other hand you got reports of some unsavory fans running the classic ‘they’re just lying for attention’ script.

(Let’s get this one out of the way real fast: That has never once happened ever. No one just “makes shit up for attention”. At the same time, there’s no fandom that doesn’t have a loony fringe.

I’m also not going to insult your intellect with any variant of ‘why didn’t they come forward earlier’ or ‘if it really happened she would have done x’)

The band itself has put out a statement to ‘not harass or prejudge any of the plaintiffs’ and that they ‘have a right to state their view of things’

I would agree with that, at least.

This is not the trump/tate/kavenaugh esque cannet ‘I don’t know that woman’ or instant ‘DARVO defamation’ that you usually see & sounds more like the people I thought I knew, but on the other hand, what was repeated over all the tabloid articles looked like an open shut case. Supposedly there was roofies involved (which proves intent all in itself) and multiple accusers.

One person might make things up, but multiple people usually means it’s real, as it would be unrealistic for them to have coordinated.

So I decided that I was going to go digging through all the articles & posts etc. I could find to form my own opinion of WTF happened, if nothing else for closure. The articles said a lot of the same things, but they were vague. At least, I wanted the gory details.

I’m just going to record my findings so far mostly for my own peace of mind & emotional processing, and for anyone who might be wondering what to think.

I’m just going to go through various different data points in ascending order of severity & perceived credibility.

Keep in mind, this is not a finished opinion, I am really processing out loud, still letting things settle, and waiting for further revelations that could easily change everything.

I want as much as I can to remain open to any new evidence thatmight still pour in.

0. The Music

First let’s get the (albeit mostly irrelevant) elephant out of the way:

Yes, the songs/lyrics depict copious violence that is often sexual in nature, but it’s very much in an ‘fascination with the disturbing’ kind of way that grounds inself in a clear understanding that what’s depicted is, in fact, disturbing. It’s often told from the PoV of the perpetrator but if you analyze the lyrics with basic reading comprehension you’ll see that it’s self-aware about being carnography (that is the overlap between horror, gore and porn) – the perp’s twisted rationalizations will be lampshaded and hints at the victim’s pain strewn in.

It’s like ‘Lolita’ – it’s told from the crazy person’s PoV in their romantic fetishistic detail, but the author wants you to piece together what ‘actually’ happened and strews in hints.

That was supposedly the joy of it, that there was depht to find, interpret & analyze get this ‘delayed-action scare’ from.

It’s self-aware, which actual glorification isn’t – that sounds more like ‘bitch actually wanted it’ or ‘she was asking for it’ rather than ‘no one hears her cry’ or having the perp turn around a picture of Jesus so it doesn’t see his wicked deeds.

So it seems… incongruent, to me, that the person who wrote this doesn’t get that roofie-ing someone is bad.

As an artist myself I of course want to believe that a person’s true soul is reflected and immortalized in their art, but there’s nothing more dangerous than thinking oneself immune to deception, wouldn’t be the first hypocrite.

So I really did have a huge moment of thinking,… “Was it all a lie?” Did this art that I loved and was probably the biggest influence on my writing style just never really exist?

I’d certainly feel disapointed, humbled and betrayed, as if all the jeers of those who gave me the side eye for liking dark content had been confirmed.

Well, the truth doesn’t care what I think, it’s not about me, but the potential victims. So I am going to put all these feelings in a box.

But it’s worth noting that, despite the bombastic stage persona and having starred in hardcore sadomaso porn, Till was always described by everyone who knew him as a shy, polite and intelligent person in his personal life.

Wouldn’t be the first asshole whom everyone thought was “so nice”, but you can’t use the music as an argument for that.

1. The Parties.

That there were parties for potential groupies, I believe at once. It’s corroberated by many reports going years back and the part that everyone agrees on. You’d be stupid not to believe it. It does fit his impulsive, disinhibited character.

However, and I know some here are gonna have different values about this: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that so long as everyone involved was a consenting adult.

A lot of the so-called “dozens” of reports including kayla the youtuber were basically just people realizing it’s a sex thing & getting uncomfortable or offended about the very fact that it was a sex thing & that there were women willingly throwing themselves at Till.

I don#t doubt that they freaked out, got a fright and felt unsafe, but when you filter about the influence of their racing thoughts, uncomfy brain & ‘bad vibes’, most of these situations are pretty much nothingburgers. Full rooms with numerous witnesses were people were just drinking & having fun. Obviously you can’t bring phones to orgies, tat would jeopardize ppl’s privacy.

I’m not saying they were lying about feeling unsafe, but I think we can all think of examples for how feeling safe and being safe are two pairs of shoes.

There were many people who actually were at those parties posting on reddit or getting interviewed on youtube describing great consensual sex and/or just fun atmosphere so IDK how much of their perception of ‘weird atmosphere’ is just projection of their own discomfort.

I’m not saying this because I don’t want to see the truth, this has always been my opinion. I never got people investing great significance in age gaps once everyone is past the ‘adult’ threshold or generally flattening the whole spectrum of human interaction into simple flat power dynamics with an unassailablemaster & mind-controlled slave.

I’ve gone to sex parties; Heck, when I was 20 I got shitfaced & screwed a much older dude and I found both those experiences not only positive but healing.

It bothers me how the entire interiority choice & angency of willing participants is just erased and its just blanket declared that they can’t know what they want. So far, everyone I’ve heard of as being involved was an adult even if they were young, we’re not talking about children and it’s demeaning to act as if they were.

I’m not defending a rich old dude; I’ve little hope of ever being one. I’m defending myself, as someone who has been a young woman, and wound like to have the right to determine what my experiences mean & not have others tell me. I think if someone wants to take advantage of a chance to screw someone they view as extremly desirable and get a piece of some powerful guy using the limited resource of their attractiveness, they should get to. It’s practically animal instinct.

I don’t think inviting someone somewhere to possibly hit on them in harassment; It only becomes harassment if you don’t go away if they say no, or use threat/coersion.

He ‘picked’ the ones he’d actually be interested in but that would only have the sort of character the news are depicting it as if there was then coersion, not just an offer.

In the bulk of the reports he would hit on ppl but immediately accept it & back away if they said no, and the people who reported feeling uncomfortable all left with no problem without being pushed or forced to anything; Everyone was free to leave the ‘suckbox’ at any time.

That, of course,  is the next big question. Did any of that take place. Just because some had a great experience doesn’t mean others can’t have had awful ones.

2. The Shelby & Kayla Stories

So, here I am mostly dissapointed at the media.

There were multiple people on reddit, tumblr, youtube or newspaper (some showing their real life face, or having video of the event) who were on the same party in Vilnius. It’s not just one person claiming something but testimonies acting up

The vodka was opened before the eyes of all the guests and all of them drank from the same bottles

According to her friends, Shelby is on a SSRI medication that can interfere with alcohol & apparently the combination explains all the symptoms she had

She started drinking early & acted quite inebriated (probably due to the meds interference), at one point she bumped into the stage & ran into things – this probably explains the bruise

While there was some smashing of glasses, it was more of a ritual that was often done at  parties, like Till would start smashing his Vodka glass fter finishing it & everyone else would join in.

Shelby left early & wasn’t even there for the last of the party

Even she clearly stated that a) no one touched her b) Till respected it & moved on when she refused his advances c) she saw nothing being done to anyone else while she was there

Most likely conclusion: There was never any roofies, her meds are to blame.

I would presume she woke up the next day, only remembering fragments at first, and panicked. I can’t even blame her. It’s super common for ppl to mistakenly think they might have been spiked after having too much to drink.  

She isn’t ‘lying’, she merely jumped to conclusions, though she could have checked with her friends first before putting it on the internet, I can’t blame her for panicking under the circumstances.

Honestly it’s logical to assume it was the last guy who hit on her.

The is important insofar as it puts a different light on everything that follows when others saw her post & were asked about if anyone had similar experiences.

Ovsly ppl took this seriously & began re-evaluating experiences in the light of that possibility in a low-key mass panic.

This is especially relevant for the casus Kayla – Facebook posts show she had a “good time” at the concert despite noping out of the sex thing (before Till even arrived) but after that I suppose she began to worry if any of the other girls she saw might have been drugged.

3. The Italian Man Story

You know, the super gross one with the big bowl of ‘mysterious cocktails’ and the band members fighting over some girl.

It’s fiction on par with the ‘hilary clinton trafficking ring’.

It’s deliberately engineered to be schocking & trigger your emotions but when you think about it, it doesn’t add up logically. Even if everything else were done & they’re all guilty this probably still didn’t happen because, for starters, if multiple ambulances had been called, the fucking certainly wouldn’t have continued as the paramedics showed up. There would at least have been something about drunken people passing out at a concert.

Also the ‘bowl with mysterious cocktails personally prepared by Till’ looks like a plot hint in a book.

You can’t get accurate dosages by putting into into a bowl and a whole room was drugged at once they couldn’t have walked home.

Plus the ‘italian man’ is too busy presenting himself as a hero rather than describe himself being realistically shocked.

I’m surprised Spiegel printed this, though I suppose any claims are in the public interest.

4. The Anonymous Reports from the Reportage

Now comes the serious part however, because these I believe are 100% true, were compiled by serious journalists,  and probably happened exactly as described – they’re anonymous, so the women have nothing to gain. Plus, the reports sound like authentic memories in exciting or traumatic situations: The order may be jumbled but there are exact details down to what people were thinking or exact words that were said.

There is just no honest reason to assume otherwise.

That said, the snippets of them that were taken out into other articles/tablids were WAY out of context – with an important exception (which I will discuss as its own bullet point), most of the people questioned considered what took place a good experience at the time, told their friends of a ‘good time’, though some had their doubts or regrets later on when the discussions began or friends had different opinions on it.

The person that supposedly had vaginal bleeding actually had some condition that made vaginal intercourse harder but then they ended up doing it anyway apparently at her suggestion – Till is said to have asked several times if it’s ok.

In general there is talk/communication going on in these

While two people did speak of memory gaps or fragmented memories, it seems from the circumstances and the detailled way  things were described that it was just booze.

And it was not, as you might get from the out-of-context quote, some unconscious person being molested on a floor somewhere but rather there was back & forth talking like he was always asking “Is that ok”, “may I do this?” “Should we stop?” etc.

That’s not something you do if you don’t care about the other person, their consent or their enjoyment.

Even so, if the two ended up concluding later that they were probably too drunk & partially weren’t sure what was happening, the sex probably shouldn’t have happened.

He fucked up, no question.

Chances are he was intoxicated, too, but while I have said before that all this supposed ‘power imbalance’ alk doesn’t negate free will, I do think it creates a greater responsibility on his part to ensure their well-being and greater accountability.

Still this rather looks like he misjudged how drunk they were rather than deliberately taking advantage of an unconscious person, the latter is a misrepresentation by the media.

5. THAT one report

Then there is the unambiguous ‘nightmare story’ where there can be no doubt that the girl found it traumatic.

Apparently she clenched up (ostensibly vaginismus) and the whole sex was painful, which she was embarassed to say however, so she just waited for it to be over out of a mix of being stunned and not wanting to lose her one special chance with him.

I think we can all agree that this kind of thing should never happen.

She explicitly says she choose not to say anything, however. – which is NOT to say that its “her own fault” or that she “should have spoken up” but rather, though the damage is the same, there is a different between accident, negligence, manslaughter & murder, degrees of culpability.

In a legal sense it probably wouldn’t count as rape (that requires ‘visible refusal’) but it certainly wasn’t enthusiastic consent either. But this is kind of exactly why education is so important because besides fight & flight there ARE those fawn & freeze responses & if you’re not attentive enough you could  trigger your partner into ‘just putting up with it’ without meaning to /realizing. People don’t notice their gf’s saying nothing about painful sex all the time there were tons of articles about it not too long ago.

Whatever you want to label it she had a shitty, possibly damaging experience that could have been prevented, and that would have been his responsibility to avoid.

So no, he did not ‘do nothing wrong’ The onus was on him, especially as someone active in the BDSM scene he should know the important of safewords, commination & aftercare.

He fucked up, the whole enterprise should have been sanity checked because even if some vibed with it & had a good time, you just shouldn’t ever be triggering people’s fight-or-flight responses in a bedroom situation.  There shouldn’t even be a risk of that because if there is there might be people like this girl or the two too-drunk ones.

Ultimately, though, this is still night and day compared to the story going through the media right now with the roofies.

There’s a big difference from someone who thinks others wellbeing doesn’t matter than one who think it does but fucked up.

But ultimately this goes further than Till as a person. This isnt even really about him. 

It’s more like – no one wants this. I don’t think he wanted this. But how do we as a society deal with it?

Because I think it’s very important that those girls should be able to talk about their experiences. Feedback should be given and socuety should be percolated by an understanding that this is not ok.

At the same time, at present we only seem to have the options of exhonoration or ostracism – which creates an incentive to DARVO and victim-blame to avoid the total destruction of ostracism in a population that is usually low on scruples.

With cases like trump or tate, the issue is clear: Those don’t think they’re doing anything wrong eyond lipservice & will just keep doing it again & again; Complete ostracism, unpersoning & refusal to ever platform them again really is the only answer, there is no reflection, talking sense or expecting behavior changes from those.

But what about situations where you have someone who nominally believes in consent but fails to apply it & walks away thinking the situation was mutually enjoyable? IT’s kind of like the Melanie Martizez case. More ambiguous, really, because she was reported even by consenting partners to be rather pushy whereas here we have someone who ostensibly has a habit of asking ‘is this ok’ ‘may I do that’, ‘are you ok’ etc but did it a few times too few.

Someone who fucked up but didn’t want to. What do we do with these? Whenever anyone brings up the possibility of ‘misreading signals’ or something it’s told off as an excuse but it’s a genuine worry people have.

The closest conceot we have for that is maybe what you do if someone had a stronger reaction to or felt triggered by some BSDM thing & that needs to be talked out & corrected but in that case theres a more direct feedback loop…

One thing is clear: We can’t have situations where ppl feel triggered or unsafe or have bad experiences like this.

Apparently consequences have already been drawn and the parties things in cancelled forever anyways & everyone involved got a wakeup call. (as per Christoph’s recent post which more or less reflects similar conclusions to my analysis here – and I am still holding out on forming conclusions, really, but what I heard there at least sounds like the intelligent, differentiated people I thought I knew, though I’m not ready to remove that ‘thought’ yet )

I mean, the band themselves is lying in the bed they made but I’m feeling sorry for, well, the victims of course, but also loyal fans who may forgive what actually happened but everyone around them thinks the tabloid version took place. (which if it were true would have been burn-in-hell territory)

Sigh. The world is complicated and exhausting and human beings hurt each other so much all the time for stupid reasons and we can never ever have nice things.

[negativ-narzissmus]

"Row Zero IKARUS - RANDSTEINS last Song ?"

[attraktor]

Svetlana Zombierella

[memedeutsch]

[vintage-tigre]

[kagamemearts]

Just had to draw her 🥺 she's my everything rn

[peanutseagle]

y'all i found my very first sxf drawings (tap to see full pics)

[campbyler]

Are you guys gonna update the estimated chapter release ?

hello hello a tentative estimate for the chapter upload has been updated! me and thea have both been in the trenches for the last couple weeks for various reasons (or just generally busy) so we unfortunately haven’t been on this blog or writing as much but we’re hoping to get this chapter out in the next several weeks! we’ve both been dealing with some hell shifts at work and also just life in general has been throwing some curveballs our way so we do appreciate you guys lending us so much grace but also understand that an estimate is nice to have 🫡 obviously the update is not set in stone yet but we hope this gives you a vague something to look forward to!

[omaano]

SW Hades AU June Update

Other monthly updates: May - June - July - August

This month I’ve had some time to organize my notes and plans for my Star Wars meets Hades AU - I have a massive table for all of the characters, which original Hades game character they had been modeled after, and whether they need portraits/tokens/keepsakes/crests/etc. it’s colour coded and everything. (Fennec had to be cut out from the lineup and I’m hopelessly heartbroken about the whole thing* 😭)

Everyone has an icon who needs one (I’m sorry about the Echo and Fives one, okay? But they come as a package deal, and I also wanted to make sure that Echo is easily distinguishable from all the other clone characters and not just the average looking clone guy next to Fives who - by order of elimination - must be Echo), and everyone has a crest who needs one (except for maybe Barriss… I feel like that the Jedi order symbol doesn’t fully fit her, but for now I will keep it as a place holder. I can't come up with anything better for her at the moment T^T. The froggie returned to the “chtonic companions” line (it is exactly the plushie that Echo and Fives would give Grogu), and now there is Batcher too! If you notice any similarities between Batcher and Boba’s old rancor rag doll, it’s mostly because I took that one and modified it to fit the lurca hound, since they have a similar back ridge pattern.

I also think that it could be a cute in-universe thing if the Batcher doll had been modified from the rancor. Timelines are very flexible in this AU anyway, so it could be totally plausible.

Speaking of! I have a character sketch for Omega and Batcher!

It took me a while to settle on which version of Omega I wanted to put into this AU, but I am very happy with what I could come up with in the end. I had some trouble with what to do with her face, since Hades is really lacking in young teenage characters, and even Melinoe and Eris from Hades2 didn’t prove to be of much help, so I allowed a bit more of my own style to slip back in. With everything else I think it hit a nice enough balance. I mixed her s2 and s3 appearance into one outfit and gave her back her hat and old crossbow (I know she got a new one from Echo, but I prefer how this one sticks out over her shoulder).

This seems to be a girls’ update, since the next sketch I want to share concepts Bo-Katan and her Nite Owls! I’ve wanted to add them to this AU for ages, but all that armor and posing had just seemed too much of a hassle up until I had to seriously distract myself from some irl stress. So now I’ve got the trio to stand in for the fury sisters as first bosses. (I'll need to adjust Koska a little, I see it now)

God bless whoever’s decided to make one of those 30 cm action dolls of these guys, they had been so helpful when it came to looking up reference details! (While we are at details: I made Koska left handed (I think? Or opposite handed at the very least) because I had been coming up with their composition under the impression that she had her flame thrower in her right vambrace like Din and Boba do, which, upon further inspection, she does not ^^;)

Some in-universe thoughts regarding them: 1) Din can very much lose the Darksaber to whoever kicks his ass if he runs with is as his weapon of choice, and then has to return to reclaim it from that enemy (he doesn’t want to but they are in his way), and if he loses it either to her or another enemy Bo-Katan will most definitely have an opinion on the matter. 2) Boba is more than happy to swoop in as a “godly call” against Koska. If he has the option to claim the Call boon from Boba, it's a pretty good indicator that it will be Koska waiting for him at the end of the level. 3) After a while and enough encounters Axe starts showing up around and in the arena on this AU’s equivalent of the Elysium level. Paz would do anything not to have to talk about that minor detail. (Din: "Why does Axe Woves keep calling you baby girl?" Paz *steam escaping from the edge of his helmet* "how about we stop talking for a while." <- This meme has been on my mind for months, now you have to suffer it with me XD) After that it’s a boss fight of Din vs Paz and Axe.

This post is getting a bit long, so I will leave my progress with Obi-wan’s background to the next update. I will also make a separate post on the new little portrait icons, but I really liked how cute Rex and Omega looked next to each other in the big lineup Q^Q

*the only thing that made me dedicate myself to this decision with a heavy heart is that Fennec had been in the Bad Batch, and that would give me the ideal excuse to imagine her in a Hades2 inspired AU where she is helping Omega (as a stand in for Melinoe). I’ve thought a lot about this even before the test version of the game came out, and a lot of it would track now that I’ve seen some game play and story and characters but. Let’s not be delusional, I can barely keep up with this project, and the Hades2 art style, while super pretty, has a twist on the first game's art style that makes me want to cry when I think about replicating it ^^; so that just remains a nice little thought experiment.

Ventress went through the same thing, mostly because I think that in a strange way she would fit very well with Hecate's role. Especially after that s3 episode where she had her cameo with her new fancy haircut.

[leclerrari]

[kendrixtermina]

English Translation of Christoph  Schneider’s Post

Note: I am just making it english because @thecrowss requested it; Everyone form their own conclusions: 

Dear people, 

I wish to share my personal thoughts and emotions with you. The accusations of the last weeks have deeply shaken us as a Band and me as a person. Certainly this was also true for you as fans. I’m still feeling schocked by all the things that were shared and printed about our singer in social media and the press. It’s been a rollercoaster for the crew and the band members.

No, I do not think that anything punishable by law (such as the use of roofies) took place. No, I don’t think anything illegal happened, neither I nor anyone among our hundreds of crew members ever witnessed anything like that. Everything I ever saw of Till’s parties were grown adults having fun together. And still it seems that some things took place that, while not illegal, I would personally consider not okay. 

Some structures had grown that went beyond the limits or values of the other band members. Because of this it is important to us to note that our official after show party’s shouldn’t be confused with Till’s private ones. Over the last few years Till had distanced himself from us and formed his own bubble. With his own people, his own parties, his own projects. This has certainly made me sad. 

I believe Till when he says that he always wanted and still wants his private guests to have a good time. Yet it seems that what those guests were expecting differed from his own expectations in some cases. The wishes and expectation of the women that came forward must not have been fulfilled. Instead, according to their statements, they have felt uncomfortable and close to the edge of a situation where they felt out of control. For this, I feel sorry for them, and I have sympathy/compassion for them. 

Still, it is important to me to emphasize something that was objectively true: Every guest in the backstage area is always free to leave (aside from briefly having to wait for security to see them out). All bottles are sealed and opened before the eyes of the guests. Water, snacks as well as security personnel and medical aid are always ready for them. 

We want all our guests to feel good and safe with us! That is our standard, and this is why I’m deeply sorrow that some of you didn’t feel that way. 

We have the best fans in the world and all of them deserve respectful treatment. I feel sorry for everyone who felt ill-treated or unsafe backstage. Including Shelby, who would have deserved a great concert and a wonderful evening. 

But I don’t want this dispute about our band to feed the extremes: 

Neither the beast of social media which our society has barely tamed, nor the paternalistic tendencies that would deny women in their mid 20s their sexual self-determination, and certainly not victim blaming, so that people continue to feel safe to speak out about what happened. 

I wish for a quiet and sober reflecting and reexamining of what took place, including within our band. And this means the six of us together. We stand with each other. 

Your Christoph Schneider.

At least this sounds like the people I thought I knew and pretty close to the assessment in the analysis post I was halfway through writing after sifting through the evidence. 

[vhalesa]

Have some experimental Maya art

[memedeutsch]

[allthegothihopgirls]

dick grayson has started appearing in my dreams like some kind of prophet i think i need help

[milesplayshu]

actually despise star wars jedi survivor

[zestysthoughts]

Me waiting for a sandbox game (like GTA, Saints Row, Just Cause) set in the future, featuring anti-grav vehicles (like Redout, F-Zero, Deathgrip) and mechs (like Titanfall, Armored Core)