#Roman is being a straight up dick

[masquenoire]

“ Is that a mask or your actual face ?”

He wastes no time whatsoever getting up in Caspian’s face, making full use of his height to tower over the other man by a few additional inches. “What’s it to you, punk? You’re awful nosy about the way I look but I’m guessing you’re new around here. It’s Black Mask to you but unlike my name, this is very much my real face you’re looking at right now.” The barest remnants of lips draw back into an unpleasant leer, ruined flesh pulled taut to fully expose each and every gleaming tooth set in his blackened jaws. The action is clearly too fluid to be the work of a simple mask, Roman far too aggressive and animated for his face to remain so stoic. His tongue swivels, the criminal taking a expert drag of the cigarette clenched between his teeth before blowing a lungful of choking smog straight into the other’s face. "Got a problem with it?”

[walkinthrudaisies]

Sweet Girl

sam winchester x angelfem!reader

1.5k | fluff

summary: after sam and dean find themselves acquainted with another angel, sam finds himself more drawn to her than he imagined.

*first part: roslyn

time was a funny thing; sam found himself thinking about that in the past couple of months. so much has happened since he’s last seen you, yet all he could think about was you. leviathans were out of purgatory, cas was presumed dead. all he could think about was the last time he crossed paths with you.

him and dean were in the middle of their fight with dick roman. attempting to exact their revenge after he shot and killed bobby. tensions were high, and dean was currently off his rocker trying to kill dick. yet all sam could think about was you.

it was selfish, he knew it. bobby was dead and his brother was close to going off the deep end. so hellbent on killing bobby’s murderer that he was going to get himself killed in the process. though sam wasn’t thinking about all of that. he was thinking of what you’d do if you were here, how you’d help, and what calming words you would bring to level dean’s ramped mind.

you weren’t stupid, you heard sam’s prayers. you just felt like going down to earth at a time like this wouldn’t be beneficial. your sorrows about castiel’s death were still present in your heart, and sam and dean were so wound up you thought that your presence would just be a burden.

that all changed one night when sam and dean were in some town, trying to distract themselves with a case. dean had gone out to a bar, needing to get his brain off of all the tribulations that were running through it. sam decided to stay back at the motel, picking up a book he hadn’t read in a while to keep himself busy.

his mind wandered back to the thought of you. as it always did. he wanted — no, needed to know you were okay. so with one final shred of hope in his soul, sam prayed to you.

the winchester’s prayer came to you loud and clear, you just couldn’t bare to ignore it anymore. he seemed to worn down, so tired and drained from all the problems him and his brother had to face. you needed to see him, needed to comfort him and tell him that his and dean’s attempts were the best they could do in the moment. that avenging bobby would come when the time was right.

as sam started to become doubtful of your arrival, the melodic sound of wings ruffling and wind blowing through the room had his head snapping up in a startle. there you were, standing in front of him in all your glory.

sam didn’t know if you were real or if he were dreaming. though the way you softly smiled at him as you made your way towards his bed had him believing that you were real. you were actually here.

the bed creaked beneath sam as he moved to stand up. his feet found themselves moving to stand directly in front of you, taking in the slopes and slants of your face. the soft, comforting feeling of your black peacoat brushed against his chest, giving sam a serene feeling of deja vu. he hadn’t felt like this since you left all those months ago, and he was starting to realize that he missed the feeling.

“hello sam.” your voice came out in a smooth whisper. it shook sam to his core, allowing his stomach to feel fluttery and his head to feel fuzzy. hearing your voice for the first time in months gave sam the same feeling as a straight shot of dopamine. he wanted to hear it everyday. he’d be damned if he didn’t.

releasing a breath that seemed to come from his soul, sam lunged at you and wrapped his arms around your body. “oh god you’re here.” he’d shrunk into himself, craning his body so his head was in your neck. sam’s one arm was around your waist and the other was cradling your head. it was almost like sam was trying to convince himself you were real. “i’ve missed you so much, Y/N.”

to you, this is what true solace felt like. you were an angel, yet the feeling of being in sam’s arms was more comforting and pure than being up in heaven. sam winchester was a blessing. a soft spoken man who radiated comfort off of him in waves. this is what you needed. while at the same time you were what sam needed. all of this made you realize how deeply important sam was to you, and how loving him for the rest of your existence wouldn’t be so bad.

the feeling of sam lifting his head from your neck made you snap your own upward to look into his hazel eyes. sam’s smile could light up a night sky. hell, it could overpower heaven. you’d never had anyone smile so brightly looking at you, and it was making your vessels cheeks turn a tinted pink.

“you don’t understand how much i desperately needed to see you.” sam’s words came out in heaping breaths, like he couldn’t waste a second more without letting you know what was on his mind. “all i could think about since you went back to heaven was you. it was selfish of me, i know. you are just everything i want Y/N. everything i need.”

to another person, sam’s confession would come off as random. the burst of his heart into words would come off as too soon and otherworldly to others. but to you, it made sense. you and sam had a bond. sealed since you kissed his cheek before you left. anytime he prayed to you, you could feel his heart and soul pouring into his words. all his pain, all the times when dean would do something erratic. even when bobby passed, he spilled out his heart to you.

the palm of your hand lightly grazed sam’s cheek, allowing him to melt into your touch. a soft whimper left his lips, almost as though your touch brought forth all the inner turmoil he’s been holding in. your comforting hand allowed him to finally break down his walls, allow himself to finally grieve.

“my love.” you spoke, bringing your face closer to his so you could be as close to him as possible. “i wanted to see you so desperately, but you and dean seemed to busy. i didn’t want to be a bother.” it was as though all of sam’s pain and sorrow melted away at the thought of you thinking you were bothering him. instantly, he looked down so your eyes were connected. “you are not a bother. you are the only person i’ve been dying to see. i’ve missed you so much.”

sam didn’t have time to finish his sentence, for his own lips smashing into yours cut himself off. the feeling was euphoric, nothing you’d ever experienced before. and that was saying a lot for the fact you’ve been alive for eons.

in all honesty, this was your first kiss. but sam was so gentle. so tender in how he encompassed your body to his and made you feel as though nothing would ever harm you.

all of the pent up feelings we’re poured into your kiss. all of sam’s yearning for you, the discomfort you felt when you couldn’t be near him. all of it was melting away. you two were finally together, and it was everything you’ve ever needed.

you found yourself tangled up with sam in the motel’s bed as the night went on. the two of you spent hours talking. you about what has been happening in heaven and sam about all of the tribulations he’s had to endure. it wasn’t hard for him to speak on them because you were there to smooth your hand over his face, tell him that nothing was his fault and everything would work itself out.

by the time the sun peaked over the horizon, sam’s hands were in your hair. his deft fingers fumbled with the strands, twisting and braiding, just so he knew you were actually there.

sam knew this was just a vessel. that the face he was looking at was actually the face of a woman named roslyn. yet that didn’t matter to him. your expressions, mannerisms, even the light in your eyes were just so you. roslyn was just how you looked to others, but the way you lived through her body was entirely your own.

you were so sweet. the sweetest girl that sam has ever had the chance to come across. he couldn’t help himself in admiring your face, looking at the way your eyes twinkled with the wonder of the world. sam found himself placing a delicate kiss on your forehead, than the bridge of your nose, both of your cheeks, and finally, the curves of your lips.

the feeling of your lips pressing back against his was bliss, for you felt the same way that he did. it was all he needed.

“my sweet girl. you saved me.” sam whispered as light from the sun blossomed like daisy’s on your face. illuminating your smile as you nuzzled your face back into his chest, making sam winchester feel like the luckiest man on earth.

[perseidlion]

I'm new to the KAOS fandom, and I honestly love the way the show is riffing off myth.

I've seen some rumblings of some people thinking they're changing too much. But, uhhh, the show definitely never promised they'd be sticking close to myth by its whole *gestures broadly* deal. Also like...WHICH version of the myths? There are so many and they changed, sometimes drastically over time. KAOS is just really continuing the tradition of remixing these characters and the stories.

I feel like the people who are saying this takes it too far probably have a superficial understanding of Greek and Roman mythology. Cause if you really dig into it, these stories are weird, contradictory, raunchy, violent and tragic.

I was a Classics major for two years (before I decided I couldn't learn Latin or Greek which was required to study primary sources, so I switched majors.) And let me tell you, KAOS is VERY accurate to certain portrayals of the gods. Not all, of course, but many.

Zeus is absolutely a horndog dick who sleeps with all sorts of people and spreads his seed everywhere. I mean, he straight-up disguised himself as other people to have sex with their partners. Animals, too!

Hera is incredibly petty and vindictive and transforms people into all sorts of things as punishment. She was especially hard on any of Zeus' lovers she caught, or his kids from different mothers.

Everyone was doing adultery all the time.

Hades wasn't a meek corporate type, but he also wasn't a devil analogue as he often gets interpreted as in pop culture. He's definitely a big ole grump and doesn't seem to have a soft side, but he's not often portrayed as evil. Zeus is not God and Hades is not Satan. That's really applying a Judeo-Christian framework to Greek mythology.

The myth of Orpheus and Eurydice was always more about grief and not being able to let go than about the power of true love.

The gods gained obedience and worship through fear. They absolutely punished people who didn't worship they way they wanted them to.

The gods were a giant, powerful, highly dysfunctional family with lots of petty grievances and grudges.

The Greeks had no concept of gay or straight. They conceptualized sex and sexuality as acts, not an identity. They were more concerned about who was the passive person in a sexual encounter (for reasons of class and manliness) rather than what gender their partner was. So it makes sense that this modern retelling would have a similiarly open an undefined concept of sex and sexuality.

Greek myth is full of people who change genders or who swap back and forth through magic or prayer, or were both male and female at the same time. Caeneus in the show, is based on a real myth of someone AFAB who wished to become a man.

(sidenote: Misia Butler is so damned charming and handsome.)

It's also important to remember that the religion of the ancient Greeks lasted a very long time and changed over that time. There was also this really interesting dichotomy between the gods of plays and myths and the gods they worshipped in a religious context. That was one thing that is really hard to wrap your head around when you're studying Greek and Roman myth, especially when you're studying it alongside plays and epic poetry.

The gods of the stories who were being vengeful and petty and the gods they sacrificed to and worshipped were not the same - and they were. Sort of imagine it like Christian peoples' perceptions of Jesus vs Jesus in pop culture. Like, if you studied Dogma or Good Omens or something alongside the Bible and didn't distinguish between religion and pop culture, you'd definitely be confused.

So there are all these competing stores, some benevolent and holy, some raucous and scandalous. KAOS very ably continues in that tradition by remixing and recontextualizing the source material for a new audience.

They do some reaaalll weird thing with timelines, though! They squish together myth and pick and choose different versions and inspiration. But honestly that doesn't bother me because it's all done deliberately and not out of ignorance. They're changing what they've changed to serve the story.

Plus it's great fun. It's one of the most creative shows I've seen in ages. Go and watch it! As a bonus, it's also hella queer.

[mikaelsonharem7]

Smile for the Camera 📸

|| 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚊𝚗𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚘 𝚒 𝚒𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢|| 🔞NSFW🔞

‼️minors DO NOT interact‼️

“Roman look this way. Good, a little to the left now”

Y/n instructed the Tribal Chief. It was promo shoot after promo shoot and of course Roman was last because he was the main event at Wrestlemania. You couldn’t lie tho, he looked so good with his hair all wet and his muscles glistening after being sprayed down.

“How many more do you need?” Roman asked with an annoyed expression.

You looked up from the camera and gave him a stare, “As many as it takes to get the best shot. It’s for wrestlemania so you know they want the best or do you want to be called back to do reshoots?” You fired back.

Roman can definitely be a pain, especially when he’s tired but he’s the main event so he should know what comes with the game.

“Roman the more you bitch and complain the longer we’ll be here so can you stop being a child and let’s finish.”

Silence falls over the studio space and you could hear a pin drop. Roman is staring at you and not wanting to back down yall begin a stare off. Trying to keep it professional you begin to snap some more photos but of course he’s not cooperating so you put your camera down.

“What’s your problem? Why are you being so difficult?”, you yell.

“Difficult? I’m being difficult.” He lowly chuckled and slowly puts down his championship belt. He began to stalk towards you. His 6'3 frame towering over your 5'3 one.

Speechless because his cologne is clouding your senses and it’s going straight to your clit. He’s just staring at you but being the brat you are, you refuse to make eye contact. Having enough you go to walk around him but he stops you in your tracks with a firm hand on your throat. He raises your head to meet his gaze. His grip isn’t tight but firm enough to let you know that you’re in trouble.

“Would you like to repeat that? Because I’m not sure I know who you’re talking to.” He growls.

With his hand still firmly around your neck, you struggle to answer but only a whimper could come out.

“Matter fact, I know you’ve forgotten so why don’t I remind you baby girl.”

Forcing you down to your knees he slowly loosens his sweats and pulls out his hard dick. Dripping with pre-cum, you notice a huge vein running down the underside of his throbbing dick?

Looking up at him through your lashes you hear him say, “"now be a good girl and acknowledge me, as he pulls your hair and enters your throat. Gagging when he hits the back, he pauses, which causes you to choke on his cock.

Pulling out, you take a deep breath before he repeats the action. Now he’s fully fucking your face and with no surprise your pussy is dripping.

“Don’t know who you thought you were talking to but you will be corrected”, he grunted.

“Acknowledge your Tribal Chief”

“Mmmmmm”, you struggle to say.

“What was that sweetheart? I couldn’t hear you.” He moans as he pulls out. He wants to hear the words.

Gasping as he pulls out, “I Acknowledge you my Tribal Chief.”

“That’s my good girl”, Roman moans as he pumps his cum all over your face. Panting as he comes down from his high, and seeing him in please is sending pleasure straight to your clit.

As you try to catch your breath you hear “smile for me baby” as he snaps a pic of your cum covered face looking up at him. He grins and it makes his crows feet appear, something that secretly turns you on.

"Thank you for the acknowledgement," he says with a grin as he walks out the studio, leaving you wet and with the knowledge of who your Tribal Chief is.

[raenizza]

"Cybersex"

Synopsis: The reader finally gets the chance to Facetime Roman as he awaits her all alone on his tour bus.

Roman x Black OC reader, Roman x Black Reader

Word Count: 2522

Warnings: Masturbation? Curse words, wet slushy ushy gushy sounds, dick slapping on cam, edging

Author’s Note: Happy New Year!! And what better way to start the New Year off than with a little E-sex. Enjoy my loves.

Happy New Year!!! 

So you know what that means, it is the last smackdown of 2022. With this historic event at bay, you know exactly what is expected of your time spent with your man and that it is very limited. You have been patiently waiting for weeks now on end to see him.  Watching him on TV does not count entirely and cute little selfies don’t do enough justice. You want to see him, even though you can��t physically be there, seeing him interact with you one on one is something so special. For the past few weeks, Roman has only communicated with you only through phone calls, text, and voice messages. His busy schedule has been insane lately and you can barely keep up, but the good news is that he makes time for you. He always has and always will. No matter what it is, your man will always do his best to respond to every message or call as soon as possible even if it's a quick “baby I'm a little busy give me a sec”. You know that his attention will always be focused on you, hence you’re his number one priority and he made sure of that.

You stared gracefully at your 75-inch TV screen, which played the famous Netflix film, 365 DNI. Although you are not entirely interested in the movie as a whole, you decided to put something on as background noise in order to distract you for a while. You then glanced at the large clock on the wall checking the time. 10:55 p.m. “Ok I got 5 more minutes.” you said to yourself and you prepared for the Facetime call.

Propping the pillows up in front of you to hold your phone, you decided to get comfortable quickly sitting criss-cross on the bed. You had slid on one of Roman’s T-shirts matching it with Christmas-themed fuzzy socks.

Looking around the room, making sure it’s clean and organized. Which lead to everything being in place.

“10:59, wheww almost there.” you kept thinking to yourself. You and Roman agreed to Facetime around 11:00 p.m.It was better for both of you hence he’s got done with rehearsing for Smackdown and can have plenty of free time.

 “11:00 p.m. FINALLYY!!” you yelped out and went straight to the Contacts app, slid through your favorites, quickly tapped “Papí💖” and hit the ‘Facetime’ button. You waited patiently as the phone began to ring. Nervous as you are, you shift in a couple of different positions but looked awkward in each one so you just settled down a bit.

The phone finally answered in the middle of you twisting your back a little to the side. Roman opens up with a big smile on his face.

“HEY BABY!!” he screamed loudly on his end. You jumped out of excitement but also embarrassment. “HII BABYY!!” you responded quickly adjusting your posture back to an erect position.

“What are you doing?” he giggled.

“Nothing, just getting comfortable. Anyways, What’s up?? How you doing boo?” you asked quickly derailing the conversation.

“Just came from the arena and I am burned out,” he said in a stressed manner.

“Babe, my body is so sore. I need a deep massage, a hot bubble bath, and possibly 2 or 3 beers.” 

“Well when you come home, I can make all of your wishes come true,” you replied with a cheeky smile. He returned the favor. 

“Where are you by the way? Have you reached the Hotel?” 

“Oh no, I’m on the bus,” he said as he looked around lifting his camera up to make sure she can see it too.

“The bus? You mean RV?” you laughed. Roman rolled his eyes instantly knowing where this is headed. He knows you like to joke about that big ass house on wheels he calls a bus and his tiny obsession with being it all the time.

“First off, you not goin' come for my ride, this baby is expensive and cozy.” He replied jokingly as pats the armchair next to him. 

“Baby, that shit is literally a studio apartment on 4 wheels. I’m surprised you’re not carrying a mini garage with it.” 

“Yea, yea whatever.” He replied annoyingly.

“Speaking of the house on the road, where’s your little road buddies?” You asked looking all through the screen to see if you can catch a glimpse of the Twins or even Paul.

“Oh they…they not here yet. Still in the locker room getting a couple of stuff done.” He replied as laid back in the chair.

“So you have the place all to yourself?” you said with a cheeky smile. Glaring at him on that phone screen. You watched him seemingly adjust himself in his chair. Then you heard moans coming from the TV screen forgetting that you still had that porno of a movie playing. 

“What the hell are you watchin” he says as you try to quickly find the remote on the bed nearly falling over. “Nothin' its just this random movie I started playing.” 

“You mean PORN.” he giggled out as you found your position back on the bed. You couldn’t help but stop and watch the vulgar sex scene as Massimo continues fuck the absolute mess out of Laura. Watching the repeated sex scene got you so hot and bothered that you forgot that Roman was still on the call. 

“Babe,” he said interrupting you. You looked down at him with a smirk. “Hey, sorry. I …I think I have an idea,” you stated seductively. “Hold on where is this going?” he says in a warning tone.

“Well since you are all alone in that big ole bus of yours and I haven’t seen you what feels like ages I thought maybe you and I could finally have some fun.= tonight.”

You positioned your phone further away from the bed and started to slowly undress. “Y/N, I know you’re not-”

 “Hush, and let me do what I need to do.” Shutting him up instantly. 

You began taking off the oversized T-shirt, revealing your bare skin and black lace bra. You made direct eye contact with him as you massaged your breasts. Then, you worked way down your stomach to the top of your panty line. Roman watched your movements closely without uttering a word. 

Your hands reach the edge of your panties and you slowly pull them down. You watched him watch you for seconds, then abruptly stopping in your tracks.

“Hold on, Babe I forgot something,” you said as you got up with a cheeky smile teasing your man all the way. Roman rolled his eyes immediately

“Really,” he said annoyed with your playfulness.

“Yes really” you responded as you stood, awkwardly in front of your nightstand looking for your rose toy. 

After a couple of quick nips and nags, you finally found the super soaker 3000 and could not wait to show your man what that piece of machinery can do. “Yes,” You said as you carefully jumped back into the bed and going right back into position in front of your phone.

“Babe, what’s that?” Roman asked. “Don’t worry about it just watch me.” You told him immediately concentrating on him and also the movie that is still currently playing in the background. 

You proceeded to remove your bra and undergarments, showing your beautiful wet brown lips and round perky breasts. Roman began licking his own lips watching everything fall into place and at the very sight of your pearl, he immediately began to shift in his seat. Covered in sweet, clear, and thick juices you placed the rose toy at the very center of your pussy, looking back at Roman on your phone as you can see him slightly grow in his sweatpants.

 “You like me like this baby?” You asked him in a seductive tone. “Mmmh hmmm” he growled as a response, sending you into oblivion. 

Roman moved his phone to a stand nearby his chair. He quickly looked around the bus to make sure no one was coming in. He laid back into his recliner chair and unbuckled his pants pulling them a few inches down by his waist. His bright red Nike boxers slid down slightly showing his brown-tanned abdomen. You watched him undress as he watched you. 

Roman smirked at the thought of you applying more pressure on your folds, so to tease you some more he started to rub his crotch area. He started with the base, slowly rubbing his balls as he watched you put the toy directly over your clit. He growled once again, thinking about rubbing his balls against your folds and feeling all of your wetness. Roman then proceeds to work his way from his base to the very tip of his dick, stroking every inch through his boxers. 

You then placed the rose toy closer to the entrance of your pussy, feeling every bit of vibration coming in. Roman, see this and shifted his position once more as his dick began to poke out in his underwear. His warm precum starts to slowly pour out from his tip, he rubs it against his garments watching your hips buck at every movement from the vibrations. 

“Fuckkkk” he whispered under his breath as he grinds against his own movements. “Take them off, baby” you moaned to him. “Please.” Breathily, as you can’t withstand the rose toy’s motions. Roman follows suit and pulls down his underwear. His caramel-colored dick springs out freely, smacking against his abdomen. 

“You like this shit, huh?” He says as he smacks it against his hand. With no lube in sight, Roman then spits on his hand and started to stroke his dick slowly up and down. “Mmmmhhm, Fuck babe” He says watching you on his tiny screen. 

“So fuckin’ sexy.” He whispered between each stroke. Turning you on, even more, you upped the setting on the toy, matching his speed. You moaned a little louder than before as this speed on the rose shocked you. You felt a small warm feeling in your stomach, getting closer to your climax, you had to slow it down. 

“Shit!” You said trying not to come too quickly. You remove the toy away from you a bit, taking a second to catch your breath. He stopped his movements as well. “What? Can’t keep up, baby?” He says as he smirks at you trying to meet up with him. Roman knew exactly what he was doing. 

Roman positioned the camera closer to him, the light from the lamp on the stand showcased his full bottom half. His soft brown, tattooed skin illuminated in the dark. He looked so heavenly in the light. He pulled his pants all the way down and lifted up his shirt a bit showing his stomach. Roman continued on to stroking himself again and instead of spitting on his hand as he did before, he spat directly on his tip. But first try wasn’t enough to cover, so he did it once again, but this time he spat on it with less aggression. Allowing the saliva to slowly, drip from his mouth all the way down to his thick veiny dick  Doing so he without breaking any form of contact. 

“Mmmhhmm” he moaned as he watched the substance cover every inch of his penis. The slushy noises from his strokes echoed in his tour bus. Roman began to grind against his strokes, his hips bucking in the air with every moment. He began to close his eyes picturing himself fucking into you on the bed. 

You couldn’t help yourself but to place the rose toy back onto your clit following suit and matching his strokes. Fuck this was so hot you thought to yourself. Watching himself masutrabte in front of you was so sexy.

Once again, feeling yourself reaching your edge, you wanted to wait once more, edging yourself, but this time Roman wasn’t feeling it. “No, babygirl keep goin’,” he said as he saw you repeatedly move the toy way to catch yourself. 

“Keep it on there, I wanna watch you cum for me” He says as he strokes his dick even faster, reaching his own climax. You placed rose right back on your clit and began to grind against it, nearly seconds away from reaching your big ‘O’. 

“Are you gonna cum for me, baby?” Roman says in a heated breath. “Yes, Daddy.” You replied shakingly as you felt yourself release.

“Ooooooooouu shittt!!” You screamed out. Your fluids dripping all over your folds and making a giant wet spot on your bed. 

“Attagirl” Roman says in between moans.

Your legs began to shake as you watch Roman grinding into the air. You rolled your eyes back picturing him on top of you pounding your pussy into smithereens. God, that felt amazing, but it wasn’t over yet. 

“Fuckkkkkk!!!” You heard from the other side of the screen. You watched as Roman stood up from his chair jacked his dick right in from the camera making sure you are not missing anything. 

You tried to look away for a brief moment because you were getting yourself riled up again but he immediately took notice. “Uhn Uhn Look at me.” He says to you as he nears his climax. The sounds of his precum mixed with his personal lube gathered around his dick as he strokes it up and down, repeatedly fills the quietness in your bedroom. You continued to look directly at him as you feel the heartbeat in your pussy beginning to fasten. Roman pulled his phone closer to him to where his dick was practically touching the screen. 

“You want this nut baby?” He says breathlessly. “Yes.” You instantly replied to him. 

“Yea?” He says before releasing.”Shitt!!” He screamed out as he ropes of creamy white substance exploded everywhere. His dick pulsated with every drip of cum released from his dick. “Awwww fuckkkkkk” he moaned deeply. Roman, breathing heavily looked down at to his crotch era at the mess he made.

“Damn baby, look at what you did.” He said through a cheeky grin, showing his pearly whites. You watched him cum before, and every time it it’s a different experience. It was something so satisfying, watching him release himself in front of you and then looking back at the damage that he’d caused. 

You giggles at his response and then started to get up to put your little flower gadget away. Roman picked up a paper towel nearby and cleaned up his own mess quickly as he looked at the time. “Damn, it’s already midnight.” He said sliding back on his pants and sitting right back into his chair. 

“Alright baby, I know you have to go..” you began to trail off, not wanting to keep him.

 “No it’s ok baby, we can chat for a little longer, I don’t think anyone is coming in for a while.” He responded shortly after.

“Are you sure? ” 

“Yes, now tell me, how was your day?” He asked with the biggest grin.

“Well, it was great.”

[justarandombrit]

I did the thing again. If you missed the livestream but want to know what happened, I wrote down some notes again. (Spoiler warning, obviously, as I will mention who won the death match)

. The Nightmare Time theme is so fucking good

. Xander murdered Grace last death match and won

. James and Matt like wrestling (not each other - the sport)

. BOTTLE IMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!

. WORKIN BOYS GETS RELEASED ON YOUTUBE AT 425,000

. Lmao the backing music is Jane's A Car

. We are the Lords In Black

. HARMONY AND BARRY!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HARMONY SO MUCH

. Ted and Hidgens are a duo lmaoooooo

. Melissa and w o m a n

. Mariah really loved w o m a n

. CCRP set up a water filtration system that pissed people off

. USE IT OR LOSE IT

. Harmony and Barry are just so annoying that Paul and Emma want to fight them

. Paul is the first to die

. Coffee makes Barry stronger

. Jon is the only one who thought Paulkins would win

. Rip Harmony :(

. Paul throws spare change at Harmony and Barry, summoning the Homeless Man, who wins the fight for them

. Bill and Alice get an easybake oven stolen from them by Sherman

. Love Vs Crazy

. Frank and Bill get mistaken for eachother mid-fight

. Sherman is vicious

. Frank wants Sherman to die

. Alice eats Sherman's soul and becomes a little kid again

. Ruth has a crush on Hidgens

. Ted and Hidgens have a dead body???????

. The dead body is a Frankenstein amalgamation of all the Workin Boys

. Frankenruth?????????

. RICHIE HAS THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON HIS SIDE

. Ted and Hidgens win with help from the Workin Boy

. “w o m a n is here!”

“I'm fucking here, bitches”

. Shapiro + Bailey are looking for Roman

. Dog…

. Oh no

. Roman is the dog.

. Melissa and w o m a n die

. MISS HOLLOWEEN!!!!!!!

. Bottle Imps was supposed to be between Forever and Always and Time Bastard

. Bill meets the founder of CCRP

. CHARLES IS IN IT

. CHARLES FOUNDED CCRP

. HARVARD LAW SCHOOL COMMUNITY ORGANISING PRICK?!?!?!?!?

. HOWIE?!?!?!?!?!?

. Bill's been at CCRP 13 years

. Coven’s Communication Research and Power

. Charles wants… ALL the money

. If it's actually Billted oh my god…

. Jane didn't die, but their dog did so she divorced him

. THEY'VE COVERED THE PROTESTS LIVE AT THE HATCHETFIELD KENNEL

. THE PROBLEMATIC PUPPY BIT SOLOMON LAUTER

. DONNA WANTS THE DOG TO DIE

. THE DOG IS IN THE CAR

. THE DOG CAR RUNS OVER DAN AND DONNA

. GOT MY PAW ON THE GAS

. Everyone is cheating on each other

. Ethan used to bully Pete

. Pete and Steph don't tip

. Lex flips out

. Lex suddenly develops a gluten intolerance????

. Jason and Kyle save Steph and Pete

. Max breaks into Camp Idontwannabang, Grace reads him Bible stories, they're about to kiss, then Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri burst in to kill them

. Grace is so Jesus loving that Lumberaxe kills the Jerries

. MISS HOLLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

. Excorcism???

. “Christ’s in hell with your mother”

Riley

. Miss Holloway has a witch hat!!!!!

. Evil mask??

. Riley's in hell smh

. “You basic bitch”

. MISS HOLLOWAY THROWS HERSELF INTO A WOOD CHIPPER

. Joey is Ted again

. YELLOW JACKET

. Alice and Bill get pissed about Paulkins trash talking Mamma Mia

. Joey: “This is the future the libs want”

. General MacNamara drops in from a helicopter and shoots Bill and Alice in the head

. James will murder Paul and Emma himself if they survive again

. Ted accidentally confesses to murdering Ruth and Richie

. Joey: “Here's the thing, ACAB”

. Thrash murders Shapiro for being a cop lmaooooooo

. Sam’s a dick to Tim at Pizza Pete’s

. Hannah straight up murders Charlotte and Sam

. I have to go to bed :( (Stopped right before Holyghost v Lautity)

. I'm baaaa-aaaaaack! It's the next day, I have pancakes, and I'm just realising I accidentally wrote Lautity instead of Lautski… I just love them too much

. I haven't checked Tumblr cause I don't want to be spoiled for who wins

. OH SHIT WORKIN BOYS IS ON YOUTUBE

. I'm back on the livestream, I'll check that out later

. They're at Perky's Buds, Grace has dragged Max there for a protest, Steph dragged Pete there for weed

. Grace wants Steph to go to heaven

. Five minutes for A THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!?!?

. THEY DID IT IN ONE MINUTE

. Joey: “You horny little fucks”

. Max just murders Steph and Pete

. Max wouldn't want to hit a girl, Ziggs comes out, fails to land a single shot on them, but attracts the nighthawks which peck out Steph and Pete’s eyes

. Nicole Rodriguez is so fucking talented damnnnnnnnn, also I love Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise)

. This song will always destroy me emotionally :(

. Why is Joey doing a British accent lmaoooo

. This isn't the next scene, but is after it chronologically

. BRENDA!!!!!!!!!!

. BRENDA WORKS AT MISS RETRO'S

. If only it was a real werewolf… Wayward Guide, anyone?

. “Shit-eating grin” is my favourite Americanism. It's so funny I love it

. I kinda love Tucker

. More skidoos???

. Kyle's in college?????????????? Damn

. Even Stacy's in college

. Miss Holloway: “Cause the 80’s were bitchin’ ”

. Oh nooooo :(

. Miss Holloway: “The intranet”

. Oh god

. Oh shit

. Oh fuck

. Even though I knew this was going to happen I'm still devastated

. Oh god :((((((((

. God we need NMT3

. Joey: “Is this a bad time to announce Curt and Kim are getting divorced?”

. VIRGINITY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. Tedgens are stealing from CCRP, Paulkins are about to go on a date, they find them, and Hidgens goes all murder-crazy

. Corey: “Some of us are wrong and many of us are right”

. Joey: “Jon, Ted is gooning all over this office”

. Jon: “Great job everybody, all the food is gonna be poisoned next week”

. Goddamnit I just got spoiled for it :(

. Tedgens manage to find the Bastard's Box and trap Paul and Emma in it

. Hidgens hears Workin Boys coming from the box, but Ted stops him from touching it

. Tom and Becky want to buy the Waylon Place, and find Grace and Max burying Pete and Steph

. Tom coaches the Hatchetfield Nighthawks??????????

. Gen Z Vs Millennials

. Someone pulled $800 from the Kickstarter :(

. Will arrived literally as soon as Max died

. Grace and Max are ghosts now

. Meg Lloyd is also insanely talented

. Will loves Tom and Becky

. Sauce Saturday

. RUN AWAY WITH MEEEEEEE

. They're in the Starlight theatre, Wilbur is there for some reason

. “He was driving the car that killed your dog”

. NOOOOOOO JENNY

. LAUREN!!!!!

. Wilbur just straight up cheats so Tedgens win

. OHHHHHHH TED VS HIDGENS

. Ted always dies though :/

. A girl Miss Holloway saved has died

. MISS HOLLOWAY IS RENEGOTIATING HER DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. Lore….

. Miss Holloway chops off her toes?????

. AND DIPS THEM IN CHOCOLATE?????????

. AN OLD POP STAR THE WORLD’S FORGOTTEN

. That's what that tune is called?

. OH MY GOD THE LORDS

. I NEED TO DRAW THIS

. Why do the Lords eat toes

. Blinky has a mouth???????

. Nibbly lmao

. Mariah: “Lauren, you're muted, baby”

Lauren (muted): “FUCK”

. Blinky, my love

. This is so fanfiction coded I love it

. Tinky likes Miss Holloway????? Duke really was right about everyone being in love with her

. I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY

. Lmao Tinky

. Double calculators, and an abacus????

. Blinky (covering his ears): That's a bad word!

. BLINKY HAS EARS??????

. HER NAME

. BE A PALLY WAL

. OH MY GOD MISS HOLLOWAY

. Ted wins!!!

. THEY'RE GONNA DO DND

. Well.

. Nightmare Time Cover!!!!!!!! Needy Beast, my love

. Oh god that was amazing

[wambsgansshoelaces]

Turmoil; Chapter 6

a/n: *pukes cutely on floor*

sorry guys I’ve literally been dead

I’ll make it up to you with an extra long chapter next time; I’m sorry for the disappointment that this one is :,)

Word Count: 2.163k

To your dismay, you’re nudged awake in the wee hours of the morning.

“What?” you grit out. You know it’s him without having to look.

“I’m sorry.”

“Fuck off, Roman.”

“Let me explain,” he urges.

“I don’t want to hear it. You promised, you didn’t show, it’s whatever.”

“It’s clearly not whatever, Y/N.”

You roll over so you can glare at him. “I don’t get it, Roman. There’s no need to butter me up and pretend like you like me. I have to help you.”

“What are you even talking about? I do like you.”

“You don’t really act like it anymore.”

”We got caught up in something. I didn’t want to leave you waiting like that. It’s the last thing I wanted, really.”

“And what happened to you that took so fucking long?”

“I can’t say.”

”Yeah. Exactly. Good night, Roman.” You roll back over, keeping your back to him.

There’s a strained moment of silence.

“It was Dad.” His voice comes out barely a whisper. “He landed, and Marcia called me. Said he’d been hospitalized the minute they touched down.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I… he said not to tell you. Or my siblings, or anyone. He says that if the press catches on that he’s incapacitated, along with him being removed as CEO, he’s done. You can’t tell anyone, Y/N. You can’t.”

“He trusts you, all of a sudden?”

“I’m the one who didn’t try voting him out.”

You take a moment. Roman not participating in the vote just opened several new doors for you.

You feel bad for acting up. “You should’ve started with that,” you mutter. “I feel like a dick now.”

“I mean, you have the right to. I didn’t text, or call. It’s my fault. I should’ve told him to fuck off and gone straight to you.”

“What’s wrong…?”

“Osteoarthritis in his knees. It’s progressing so fast he can’t bring himself to walk.” He rubs a hand over his eyes.

“Roman, I feel horrible. It’s your dad. You shouldn’t have even been thinking of me.”

“That’s what I told myself, yet here we are.” He lies down next to you. “I was standing there, talking to Marcia, and all I could think of was how I was blowing you off.”

“Ignore what I said earlier. That doesn’t matter.” You shift to face him. “But you should’ve called. Told me, you weren’t coming, at least.”

“Yeah. I should’ve.”

You find it strange that he’s never made a move to kiss you. You want to bring it up, you want to be mad at him about it, but you feel like that’s a conversation for another time.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, really.”

You both sit there in silence for a moment. “Will you make it up to me?”

”How do you want me to do that?”

“I want you to figure it out.”

You end up dozing off on your side, this time facing Roman.

The next few days, the strain between you and him slowly dissipates. He brings you breakfast every morning, making sure you never have to lift a finger. You and Kendall lounge around one of those days, telling work nightmare stories. While he’s the most reserved of the four, you two get along well. You’re both comfortable around the other, and despite his warning the day you met him, you trust him.

Speaking of trust, Greg finally made it. Roman eyes him as he pulls you aside one afternoon while everyone congregates after lunch.

“Enjoying Norway?” you ask, stifling a laugh.

“It’s beautiful. I think I’ll have a great time here.” He throws a cautionary glance over at Roman. “Um, you’ll make sure he doesn’t kill me, right?”

You actually laugh this time. “You’ll be fine, Greg.”

“Anyway.. I’ve had my discussions, and we’re starting to dig. We have a few leads on Logan, and something very promising on Marcia. Thank you for asking me to help. As much as it scares me, I’m having fun.”

“I’m glad you’re at least enjoying yourself. You’re a good person to have on my side, Greg.”

He gives you a small smile. “Oh, and about Connor,” he says suddenly, lowering his voice. “I started making inquiries at a bunch of firms, and, um…” He fiddles with his sweater sleeve. “More than one firm responded when I asked about the progress of ‘Mr. Connor Roy’s lawsuit’.”

Your stomach twists. Along with the jade bracelet, the pieces are starting to come together. “Hey, I hate to keep asking you of things…”

Greg shakes his head. “No, no, go ahead.”

“Is there any chance you have the ability to look into Connor’s finances? Say, last five years?”

“Might take a bit, but that sounds doable.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Greg.” You give his arm a squeeze before rejoining the rest of the family. Everyone’s chatting among themselves, save for Roman, who beckons you over to sit with him on a settee. “Jealous again?”

He makes a face. “Absolutely not.” You know he’s lying.

“You should be. Greg’s great.”

“Moving swiftly on.” He stretches out his arms, looping one around you after you sit. “Like my watch?”

You glance sideways at it, the watch sitting on the wrist he has draped over your shoulder. “Is that…?”

“Yes, ma’am. Connor said I can borrow it.”

“He let you borrow something?”

“That’s our problem here?”

“The worst one, yeah.” You get to your feet, peeling his arm from you. “That and you haven’t done nearly enough groveling to be all touchy feely with me.”

“Y/N,” he whines, catching the hem of your shirt before you can go. “Come on.”

“You have to work for it, Roman,” you chide. “Besides, I have to get ready for Shiv’s dinner.”

“We have to get ready.” He gets up after you as the others make their way upstairs. “We should match,” he mutters to you as he rummages through his suitcases.

You drape a pale mauve dress over your arm, watching him hunt for a dress shirt. “Wear purple, then. You have dark purple somewhere in there.”

You head into the bathroom and change. You try reaching around to lace yourself up, but you can’t quite do it right. “Roman?”

A disgruntled “Huh?” sounds from the bedroom.

“Come help.”

He appears with the dark purple shirt you were talking about tossed over his shoulder, and you quickly register the fact that he’s shirtless. Not that you mind, anyway.

You gesture at the lace up back to your dress.

“Why are these things so complicated?” he mutters, tightening the corset top of your dress. He experiments around with the strings, trying to figure something out. His fingers brush over the bare skin of your back as he ties you into the dress. He manages to finish his handiwork with a cute bow. The dress sits prettily on your body, flattering you and accentuating everything that needs to be accentuated. He sets his hands on your hips and his head on your shoulder, staring at you in the mirror. “Fucking hot.”

“Think about that next time you try to blow me off,” you say lightly. He scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“Let it go,” he complains.

“Only when I feel like it.”

He presses a barely-there kiss to your shoulder. “Is this progress?”

“Maybe.” You smile at him in the mirror.

“Asshat.” He pulls away, smiling back, and shrugs on the dress shirt. “Oh, darn, I forgot how buttons work. I so desperately need your help.” You huff halfheartedly, pulling him close by his collar. You start systematically buttoning up his shirt, making sure to keep it smoothed out as you go.

The fabric clings to him, his carved abdomen. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t admiring him.

“Like it?” he asks, catching your gaze and grinning stupidly. Your palms glide over his abs.

“You’re decent,” you say, a smile playing at your lips.

“Just decent?” He groans. “Work with me at least. You’re so difficult.”

“Are you going to put in the work, or not?” You’ve both drifted out into the hall, pulling on coats.

“I will,” he says, quieting as Connor and Willa join you in the hall. Greg’s already here, scrolling through his phone, leaning against the wall. You give Willa a friendly wave, and she returns it with a smile. “Con, it’s fucking dinner. You don’t need cuff links ,” Roman says, gently pinching the small of your back. Your eyes flit to Connor’s sleeves. The exact same ones he’d claimed had been stolen.

“It’s important to be elegantly dressed and well presented at all times,” he says hotly. You and Roman exchange a look before Shiv and Kendall finally appear. They’re quietly bickering over something and walk past the lot of you.

You have to applaud Shiv for being able to find this patio. Under the stars, on the beach- you can’t think of anything more beautiful. The air is cool and crisp, and you’re at peace just breathing it in, staring up at the strung fairy lights. Roman idles beside you, watching you more than the scenery.

“Something on my face?”

“No. I just like looking at you.” He elbows you lightly in the side.

“You’re awfully eager.”

“I thought you wanted that.”

“I do.” You fall easily back into your usual banter. You feel bad that you’re still harping on his ghosting you, but for some reason you can’t completely let it go.

Everyone seems to be getting along. Connor hasn’t said anything aggravating, and Roman was in a calm headspace, behaving himself. You, Shiv, and Willa find yourself giggling over yourselves as the night goes on. The food is good, the company is even better, and for a moment you don’t even realize Logan had arrived hunched over a walker.

Silence blankets the patio. Roman sidles up to you, subtly lacing his fingers with yours and gripping hard.

“Dad,” Kendall says stiffly. Logan ignores him, sitting down as soon as he can. You and Shiv exchange a look. “Not feeling well?” Kendall asks carefully.

“Peachy,” Logan rasps.

“Clearly not,” Shiv retorts, her voice ringing. “How nice of you to join us the day before the party.”

He waves her off, then looks to Marcia as she brings him a plate of food. Roman gives the fabric of your dress a tug and uses his head to gesture to the beach. He nudges Shiv, gives her the same look, and drags Kendall with him as he steps off the patio and onto the sand. You and Shiv follow after kicking off your heels.

The sand is cool, and it feels nice on your feet. The four of you walk a little ways away from the patio before Roman turns and says confidently, “Connor’s piss poor.”

“Like, he has no money,” Shiv clarifies. “We went to get coffee one day and his express card declined.”

“Well, that’s not how I know that. But yikes.” Roman hooks his thumbs through his belt loops. “He told me something about blowing all of his money, then we realized he’s filing like seven lawsuits at once…”

“What could he be spending so much money on that he blew his entire inheritance?” Kendall asks. You’d caught him up on your findings on his brother, asking him to keep an eye on him a few days before.

“I asked Greg to look into that. I’m not sure if it’s really going to help, though.”

Roman shrugs. “It’s blackmail.”

“We shouldn’t bleed our hand,” Shiv says. “Y/N was right to propose we leave Connor be and bait dad with it. If he covered real property fraud, I don’t doubt he’ll do the same here.” She glances over her shoulder, catching her father’s gaze. “We should probably go back,” she mutters to Kendall. He gives you an awkward clap on the back before following Shiv back onto the patio.

“I have no idea why he’s out of the hospital,” Roman supplies as soon as his siblings are out of earshot. “He’s up to something.”

“He’s probably just saving face, Rome. Calm down.”

“He didn’t have to come to this dinner. He just had to show up to the engagement party for it to seem normal.” You cross your arms over yourself, shielding yourself from the sudden gust of wind. “And we said we wouldn’t think about this here.”

“Get out of your head, Roman.”

He sighs, shrugging off his jacket and wrapping it around you. “Let’s just go back.”

You step onto the patio barefooted. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Hell, you want to- it’s so damn suffocating. Logan, surprisingly, has his gaze centered on Connor. At least it’s not you. You pull Roman’s jacket tighter around you, watching Connor shuffle uncomfortably while talking to Willa.

“Connor.” Logan’s voice has a haggard quality to it. It wheezes, rasps. “You know you can always come to me for help, right?”

“Yeah. I know, Dad. Right.”

[romanreignseater]

Press Play Pt. 1

Roman Reigns x Black Female! OC! (Xena)

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut, sex tape, leaking of relations, angst, breaking up with Roman, and a cliffhanger 🙂.

“Being the girlfriend to a famous divorced father of 5 wasn’t your plan at 26 years old. You trusted him with your life, so you agreed to film a little something, but now you regret ever meeting him when your whole life is exposed.”

A/N: The first part to my three part series, the next two parts will be out on the next two Sundays!! I’M SO EXCITED, I’m showing substance 😆!!

GIF: @jeysuso

“Turn on the camera baby.”

“Arch your back.” Roman gave a swat to Xena’s ass as she failed to arch her back.

“I can’t, it’s too much…” She begged for him to show mercy, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

As Roman’s iPhone recorded the whole thing.

Wanting to spice up the relationship, Roman asked if it’ll be okay to film some personal tapes. In order to suffice the physical intimacy when they were away from one another.

Little did she know…

“I’m not gonna say it again, arch that FUCKIN BACK NOW!!” Following his orders and wanting to cum again so badly after being denied, Xena let her back arch and stretched her arms forward.

“That’s it baby, now look at the camera while I fuck the shit out of you.” Xena’s eyes glossy as she stared up at the 6.7” screen showcasing the vision of her Samoan beast, body clad in sweat dripping from his head to his toes.

He slowly stretched her cunt out with deep strokes, taking the breath out of her as she looked at his eyes through the screen. Xena fell underneath his spell once again, her eyes rolling to the back of her head, her g-spot being hit instantly.

Once his assistant, now his girlfriend of 3 years. After a messy divorce with his wife, Xena soon came into his life and the rumors began.

“New Assistant?! More Like Old Affair.”

“Young Woman Nabs An Almost 40 Year Old Professional Wrestler, Roman Reigns.”

“Roman Reigns’ New Slut Gold Digging Girlfriend.”

They were harsh, but Xena was tough.

It had been almost 7 years since she watched WWE, and she remembered Roman during his Shield days and the roaring boos of the Big Dog. But, he did a complete 360. Bigger build, bigger personality, and a different outlook of his career in general.

Xena had no intention of even starting a relationship with him, but everything fell into place.

“Right there, please.”

“Please what mama?! Tell the camera what you want.”

“I want your cum to fill me to the brim.”

“Ya wanna have my baby you little slut?!”

“Yes daddy please.”

His pace quicken, his dick gliding in and out of her pussy smoothly. Xena’s ass galloping against his toned thighs. Roman’s thumb lodged into her winking hole, beating her cunt into a pulp. Her head bowed down into the sheets, writhing at the immense pleasure. Soon to be lifted up, staring directly at the camera.

“Take this dick and say ‘I’m a little slut.’ Go ahead. Straight into the camera.” Saliva decorating the entirety of Xena’s chin as she babbled. “What was that baby they can’t hear you?!”

“I’m SUCH A LITTLE SLUT!!”

“Good girl.”

“FUCKKKKK!! I’m gonna cum, keep fucking me please!!”

Roman’s thrusts hit harder and harder and harder, so hard the Xena was almost sent flying into the camera. Her pussy began to convulse as it was obliterated by a giant Samoan cock.

Xena’s arch reversed as she reached her high. “Fuckkkk..” A guttural grunt came from the mouth of the Samoan as he spilled his seed inside of pulsing cunt. He pulled out as Xena laid slump on the bed.

“That’s a wrap folks.” Roman ended the video. Roman’s choice of recording was clips on Instagram. How smart… As he went to turn off his phone and get a rag for Xena, his finger slipped and he pressed “Add to Story.”

He grabbed a rag and cleaned her up. Putting his phone in charge, it was now set to self destruct.

The Next Morning.

Xena woke up to the sound of her buzzing and vibrating phone. She sees 20 missed calls from her best friend. High on alert she called back. “Taylor what happened? Is everything okay?!”

“Your sex tape is ALL OVER THE INTERNET!!”

Chuckling, “What are you talking about Taylor?! Tell me you’re joking…”

“I’m serious and it’s trending number one on Twitter.”

Checking social media, her getting the shit fuck out of her was sprawled number one all over the internet.

All the breath was sucked out of her as she felt the urge to cry, but then a surge of pure anger came over her.

She turned to a peacefully sleeping Roman and repeatedly slapped him across the chest. Jumping up from his sleep, using his arms to bar the attacks. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

“I HATE YOU, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”

“What are you talking about?!”

In a broken voice, “You released our tape last night?!”

“WHAT?!?!”

“IT’S ALL OVER… EVERYWHERE!!”

“I never released our tape.” Checking his phone, Roman realized what happened. He accidentally released their tape on his Instagram story. Even though it was 1 minute, that 1 minute went a long way through the internet.

“Baby it was an accident.”

“I can’t believe you did this to me, after everything the media already says about me?! You’d betray me like this…”

“Baby please my finger accidentally slipped last night when I was closing my phone. I promise on everything, it was a mistake.”

“You’re right. This whole thing was a mistake.”

Grabbing her belongings from the closet, she threw on her crocs and shorts, and stormed downstairs. “Baby stop.” Roman putting on his sweats while running down the stairs.

She placed her items in her car and slammed the door before Roman could reach her. He banged on the window begging for her forgiveness. Rolling down the window slightly, “We’re done.”

And with that she backed out of his driveway, with his mind spinning about when he would see her again.

He collapsed to the ground and cried.

“I’m sorry.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Will Xena hear him out or shut him out completely?! How will this breakup affect Roman’s career?!

Find out next week on “Press Play.” 😜.

THE END!!

That was a little rollercoaster, but I hoped you all enjoyed and I released this way too late, I’m so sorry ☹️.

MY TAG SQUAD: @cyberdejos2 @thesamoanqueen @cococodysleevelesshoodie @nayys-world @mzv11 @babybatlover @vogueyonce @harmshake @harlem11680 @seeingstarks @thewarlordsworld

[whydontyousaeso]

“Sweetest revenge ever”

Randy orton x fem reader

Type- SMUT!!! MINORS DNI!!!

Warnings- oral (male receiving), character being a douche, swearing, photographed sex.

Summery- after your (now ex) boyfriend almost sacrificed you just to avoid an rko, you had to find some way to get back at him.

A/n- thank you guys so much for being patient, I promise I’ll start writing more consistently, but for now here’s my first Randy fic :3 I plan to either release a Roman fic or Drew next, but remember that my request are always open! Love you guys!

Tag list: @alyyaanna @new-zealand-chic @queencherryberry @lizzyd1ish

You stood in the ring with your boyfriend, LA Knight.

Across from you was Randy orton and Aj styles, all staring at eachother.

It was clear that a fight was gonna break out soon, which means you would have to be quick to get out of the ring.

You looked over at your boyfriend, he wouldn’t look at you though.

You two had got into an argument prior to coming out, so he wasn’t really talking to you.

You turned back to the other two just in time to see Aj flipping a table over, causing you to jump out of the way.

As you stood in the corner you watched your boyfriend stumble back up.

You made eye contact with him, and you saw him grab you and pull you close to him.

“I don’t need help getting out-“

Of course he wasn’t there to help you get out.

He pushed you the other way, which was right into Randy orton, who was about to give an RKO.

“Hey what the fuck?”

He stopped mid move and let you go, turning around to find you standing there clearly frightened.

“What the fuck is your boyfriend doing halfway up the ramp?”

You turned around and saw Knight doing exactly that. You turned towards Randy again.

“Beat his ass next time you’re in the ring with him.”

You slid out of the ring and stomped up to your soon to be ex, you had enough of his bullshit.

“Knight what the fuck??”

“Get over yourself, you’re fine! He didn’t even do anything to you!”

“You were willing to throw me into that shit though?”

“Just be glad your being used for once in your-“

You didn’t let him finish, and slapped him in the face.

“Why don’t you find some other girl to go and use huh?”

You strutted your way to backstage, taking off the stupid sunglasses and throwing them behind you.

“Hey y/n, you good?”

You looked up from your phone to see Randy standing in front of you.

“Yeah, it’s whatever.”

“You know, I didn’t-“

“Mean to? Yeah I know. My ex is an ass.”

He chuckled

“Good thing we can both agree on that”

You looked over and saw knight standing in the corner, staring daggers at you.

“Hey Randy, you want to head back to my locker room? “

He sent you a questioning gaze before looking over to your ex, smirking at his reaction.

“Of course, I would love to.”

“Make yourself at home, as long as he knows you’re here I don’t care.”

“I didn’t think you were the type to be this petty”

“Please, he was so talking to other girls while we were together.”

Almost on time, you heard three knocks on the door.

“Open it up y/n!!!”

“Suck a dick knight!”

“Like your sucking Randy’s?”

You scoffed and crossed your arms, feeling your face heat up slightly.

“You’re a slut y/n!”

You heard him stomp away, shaking your head and walking over to your mirror.

You were redder than you thought.

“That was an interesting accusation.”

You turned towards Randy, who was smirking.

“He’s always accusing me of shit.”

“Any of them ever come true?”

“No.”

“Want to make that one come true?”

Your mouth opened slightly, shocked from his straight forward nature.

“I mean-“

You stopped yourself, not even sure what to say.

You would be lying if you said that Randy wasn’t attractive. He actually had been on your mind for a bit.

“Come here baby girl.”

He motioned you over, and for whatever reason, your body complied.

You walked over to him, letting him guide your hips when you got close enough.

He let you sit on his lap, looking over your body in the ring gear you had on.

“You sure you okay with this?”

You nodded, looking at his own muscular frame.

Even with a shirt and jeans on he still looked hot as fuck.

You placed your hand on his chest, leaning on to kiss him.

His hands instantly went to your hips, gripping them slightly.

He knew what he was doing.

You hand moved lower as the kiss progressed, eventually making its way down to kiss waistband.

It’d been a while since you sucked someone off, but it was always nice to refresh.

He pulled away from the kiss, shooing your hand away from his waistband.

“Get on your knees doll”

You nodded and did exactly as he wanted, placing yourself between his legs and rubbing on of his thighs.

You watched him take out his dick and almost gasped.

He was huge.

Way bigger than knight.

Insanely bigger than knight.

You reached out and grabbed his shaft, slowly stroking up and down.

“Go on, I know you know what to do.”

You made eye contact with him and moved up slowly, licking from the bottom up.

You watched him roll his head back as you took in the tip of his dick.

You felt him grab the back of your head and push it down slightly, making you take in more of his length.

You started bobbing your head slightly, taking in a little more each time you went down.

“Damn you’re good at this”

He hissed, pulling your hair.

Eventually you got to the edge of your hand, not able to take in anymore due to your gag reflex.

You started bobbing more consistently, licking up his dick occasionally.

You heard him moan as you went up and down, feeling his grip on your hair tighten.

You pulled up for a second, taking a moment to breathe and gain your composure.

As you looked up at him you saw how dark his eyes were

Almost like a predator waiting to attack on his prey

It made the spot between your legs wetter than before.

Instead of waiting on you though, he forced your head back up and forced his dick down your throat again, going further than before.

You almost choked, but held everything back with teary eyes.

You braced yourself on his thighs, allowing him to have full control over your head.

He sped up extremely, making you grab his thighs hard.

“When I cum you better not swallow it, you understand?”

You hummed in approval, moaning as he handled you his way.

You heard him mumble curses at you, praising and degrading at the same time.

“You ready for this you slut? I don’t think you are.”

You moaned again, doing your best to not pass out.

He stopped abruptly, leaving the top of his dick in your mouth to spurt out his cum.

His salty taste made you moan again, focusing on sucking out every little bit.

You were so focused that you didn’t notice him grab his phone.

“Let me see baby.”

You pulled away and stuck out your tongue, allowing him to take pictures of your cum filled mouth.

“Good girl, you think he will like that?”

You closed your mouth and swallowed, smirking as he saved the picture.

“He’ll love it.”

[akajustmerry]

hey guys uhhhhhh........do you think Roman Roy was "truly" caring for gerri when he refused to stop sending her dick pics without her consent?? how about when he attempted to FIRE HER TWICE over the fallout from his sexual harassment of her??

do you guys think that Roman Roy is being "non-judgemental" of people's sex lives when he constantly makes inappropriate jokes about his sister having sex to her and her husband's faces??? what about, like, when he made jokes to Marcia and Kerri about their private sex lives?? was he being sooooo non-judgemental then???

was Roman going into bat for people when he backed a neo nazi fascist to be president so he could beat out his sister in being their dad's favourite? How about when he knifed Gerri because his dad wanted him to?? what about when he went to Kendall's party and said all that shit to him AND shiv?? Was he batting for his siblings when he went to rat them out on the Pierce deal behind their back??

I know these articles are meant to be funny or whatever, but it feels like such a gross disservice to misinterpret the very meticulous commentary on institutionalised misogyny that Roman represents, especially relating to his harassment of Gerri and how he treats Shiv. Too many people fall for the funny guy energy and ignore the abuse Roman perpetrates while simultaneously being a victim of abuse.

Roman isn't empathetic. He's just emotionally vulnerable which can look like empathy but it fucking isn't. at the end of the day people who have empathy aren't out here sexually harassing their co-workers and sister. and they sure as hell aren't putting nazis in the whitehouse for validation. like sure there are moments where he cares but so the fuck what??

Like, I am a Roman girlie (not a girl) but fuck, you can just say you think Roman is hot or whatever. You don't have to make a fool of yourself cherry picking the show to oblivion and ignoring the core political context. just either have conviction in your horniness for shitty people or shut the fuck up. So tired of these takes that are so obviously written by white straight people who wouldn't know what empathy was if it slapped them across their exposed frontal lobe. Y'all saying shit like "this character who harasses women and flirts with nazis is soooo sexy and empathetic actually" is why poc are made to feel unsafe in fandom spaces.

[murdererofthumbs]

Listen, although I do find it pretty exciting to see Kendall entering his Evil Era and actually becoming a killer, I can’t stop thinking about the consequences of him leaking all the shitty mud information they have on Logan. Like yeah, PR-wise that might be a great idea, it might actually solidify his position as a CEO (and he is obviously going to try and fuck up Matsson deal and take over the Waystar - I don’t know why he would want to captain the fucking sinking Titanic, but okay). But on the other hand, all the dirt coming out about Logan will be potentially catastrophic for Roman. Apart from the fact that Kendall is very clearly betraying his brother, literally like 5 seconds after he preached about them being a team; Roman will very likely suffer the most if stuff about Logan being an abusive father comes out.

First, it will flip his whole viewpoint upside down - he is so deep in denial and so trauma-bonded to Logan that he doesn’t even acknowledge his abuse, not even when in happens in real time. He doesn’t want to see his father as a monster and as his abuser, because that would actually require him to accept that he was a victim, that he was this beaten dog that everyone already sees him as (to one degree or another). Not to mention all the lies he tells himself about Logan and him being a good dad will go straight down the drain, and can you imagine what happens when something you believed for 40-or-so years cracks down in front of you? Kendall is about to break his reality.

Another aspect is that exposing Roman’s abuse to the whole world will likely destroy any and all opportunities that Roman ever had when it comes to rising to power (even if I’m unsure how much he actually cares about becoming a CEO). He might get some sympathy points, although I very much doubt that he will ever accept that form of pity from anyone. His image will be forever tainted and solidified as “the abused one” or the “one that was hit by his dad”. Can you imagine Roman’s reaction when that whole shitshow leaks? He does say at some point in the preview that he is finished, and although it might allude to Gerri putting out the whole dick pic situation, it might also very well be that his public image will forever now revolve around how his dad hit and abused him (his dad who was essentially his god in more than one way, who he was, and is trauma bonded to, who he came back to time and time again).

Kendall has a tendency of using his siblings trauma to forward his own position (even when he wanted to one up Logan in episode 2 by bringing up Roman’s and Connor’s trauma) and this is no different. But it’s a very easy way for him to blow up whatever alliance was ever between sibs. So yeah, I think Kendall as a killer is a great thing to watch, but also… well, Roman girl in me is already screaming in the void from the possible pain we might come to watch unravel in real time.

[dragynkeep]

Considering CPS on Remnant doesn’t exist, you’d think that a Peter Pan character would be almost inevitable, like a kid who rallies up other kids to cause havoc on the society that failed them or something, but noooooo. Scarlet had to be useless to the plot, and also a dick!

honestly that's why i wish roman would've been peter pan — with neo as his tinkerbell — because it just makes so much more sense. he can still have his vibe inspired by alex delarge: but in the context of the villains being the "tales but corrupted", that doens't really fit for roman? the whole point of a clockwork orange was whether or not the violence was inherent to young men in society or whether they could be broken out of it. roman plays alex straight.

now if he was peter pan, now it gets more interesting. him trying to lead ruby & blake astray from their paths as huntresses because of his own implied past, how he's never "grown up" from that trauma so now it's gonna be everyone else's issue. his little tinkerbell by his side who also couldn't speak, only in bell trills.

instead we get this petty gay who is fucking useless 😩

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

accidentally writing 35 pages (and counting!) of roman and gerri going to visit con and willa at the new mexico ranch where con and willa are now devoted alpaca parents is something that can be such a valid use of my time!!!!

sharing a chunk just so all of this isn't only in my brain anymore. i really love writing these people being just as dumb as possible.

+++

Gerri is staring into the face of an alpaca.

“And this is Hellie,” Willa says. “After, you know, Lillian Hellman. She’s our little girl.”

“She’s great,” Gerri says.

“Astonishing,” Roman agrees.

They trudge across the snowy ground, touring the alpaca paddock. There’s a man standing in the corner, wearing a dapper outdoor vest and giving off the air of a Beefeater. Gerri knows, thanks to Roman’s extensive recaps of staying with Con and Willa over Christmas, that his job is picking up the shit. She thinks of her last meeting with Matsson and feels a vague stab of envy.

“So there’s Hellie,” Willa says, “and our boys Coward and Pinter. You’re probably sensing a theme.”

“Weird British insults?” Roman says. “Ya pintah!”

“Playwrights,” Gerri says.

“Right, yes. Guilty.” Willa lifts her hands up and wiggles them self-effacingly. “Such a nerd, I know.” She goes to the last alpaca. “And this is Marengo. That was Connor’s pick, obviously. After Napoleon’s–”

“Dick?” Roman contributes.

“Horse,” Willa says.

“But we don’t have confirmation that he didn’t name the horse after his dick in the first place, correct?”

“Anything’s possible,” Willa says with a stiff laugh.

“Will you behave?” Gerri asks Roman.

“I won’t,” Roman says, offering his arm to her jauntily. “I shan’t. But thanks for checking in. Good game, everybody.”

She sighs and accepts his arm.

Connor comes around, looking particularly rustic in flannel and rubber boots. “They’re real beauts, aren’t they?”

“Oh,” says Roman, “the beautest.”

“I’ve got a bit of a following on TikTok, updating everybody on these fuzzy little angels, and my views are higher than they’ve ever been. The Conheads love the Fuzzheads. That’s what I’m calling them. The Fuzzheads.”

“They do,” Willa says, leaning into the half-hug he gives her. “They really do love them.”

“Wow,” says Roman. “It’s almost like you didn’t lose the election at all. I mean, what has Jimenez got that you don’t right here? The public platform, the universal respect.”

“You’re being condescending,” Connor accuses, frowning.

“Who, me??” Roman points at himself, giving Gerri a ‘Who could imagine?’ look. She tries not to smile, and doesn’t quite manage it.

“That’s it,” Connor says. “You’re making a cameo in the next TikTok. Not to be confused with Cameo – I have done a few of those as well. It’ll get you a nice little chunk of change. A shiny nickel to buy yourself a sodey pop at the corner store on down the lane.”

“What the fuck?” Roman mouths.

Gerri bites down on her laugh. Willa stays virtuously straight-faced. She does have the most practice.

“Nice work if you can get it, Cameo,” Con goes on. “But TikTok, that’s where the real mojo is.”

[trash-monkey]

selcouth

(adj.) unfamiliar, rare, strange, and yet marvelous

I watch as Aunt Sookie gets ready for her late shift at Merlotte's from my seat on her bed purposely letting her distract me from doing the homework I've been forced to bring home from my kindergarten class and do before bed, soon my mind wonders off.

'You heard right my aunt is *the* telepathic Sookie Stackhouse from the Ture Blood tv show which I've been reborn into after my human death of my last life but I'm lucky enough to regain my memories after turning four so it's hasn't been that long since then, my father is the *can't keep my dick in my pants* Jason Stackhouse from a relationship he had in highschool and been dropped off here straight after birth causing Sookie to name me as I didn't have one. I'm now known as Thackeray 'Tack' Stackhouse the eight year old son of Jason although everyone knows that Sookie and Gran are actually the ones rising me.'

"Tack I know what you're doing! Get to work on your homework little man!" Sookie pulls me back into the world right as she finish getting ready.

'And another piece of luck I have is that Sookie can't read my mind no matter how hard she trys all because I have the same power that Renesmee has from Twilight which blocks Sookie out.'

"Tack? You ok?" She questions softly while sitting by me on the bed and ruffle my dirty blond hair when I don't reply with my usual about hating homework.

"I'm ok, I was just thinking on how to get you to let me have a piece of Grans pie and get to watch tv before bed." She makes a expression that she can't believe I have just said that which I give her a amused smile in return.

"Fine as it's Friday but tomorrow you finish homework, promise?" She holds out her pinky which I quickly hook my own around hers with a smile.

"I promise!" I quickly put everything back into my homework folder and into my school backpack before running down stairs with Sookie trailing behind at a more normal speed.

"Gran! Pie please!" I give Gran a goofy smile after appearing in the kitchen which she smiles back as she open the fridge to get me a slice of the pecan pie she made earlier today right as Sookie finally walked into the kitchen. As soon as I'm handed my plate I speed to the living room where I place it on the coffee table before turning on the old box tv to watch old black and white westerns while I eat, Sookie strolls into the living room after talking to Gran.

"You know the rules so follow them" She lays a kiss on top of my head before leaving for work and after making sure that Gran is focused on reading her book at the kitchen table I sneakily pull out a small handbook I had hidden in the living room, the handbook contains what I remember of the tv show and ideas.

'I plan on stopping Godric from meeting the sun as he can change a lot of things in the future of both humans and vampires, I don't know how yet which it's either telling him death isn't salvation or show him my memories of the supposedly future if the events go as they should which I'll somehow get Jason take me with him to the camp so I can sneak into the basement where Godric will be hold in and hopefully stay there until Sookie comes or give him the book I had found that has a similar to his own which I put the letter I had wrote in it, although Godric did cruel things after being turned which I don't really blame him for doing so as he was taken from his home and not only enslaved by the Romans he was only shown cruelty. He probably thought for such cruelty to himself and others humanity should be punished so he became Death until lately he realizes cruelty will only cause more cruelty and trying his hardest to do better while feeling empty'

I'm taken out of my thoughts by a car pulling up in front of the house which I quickly turn to the clock to see it's way past my bedtime and that it's Sookie coming home from work.

"Shit" I whispered to myself as I quickly put my small notebook back into its hiding place before running up the stairs to my room to put on my PJs and with an ear against the wooden floor as my bedroom sits above the kitchen which I eavesdrop on their conversation from time to time unknowing until now that Gran had retreated to her bedroom some time ago, with silence I carefully made my way to a wall that's close to Gran's room to press a ear against it.

"Tack in bed?" Sook ask Gran as she sits on the bed and pet Gran's cat Tina, I smiled when Gran covers for me knowing I stayed up after my bedtime and soon I hear Sook tell Gran about how Merlotte's got it's first vampire customer which I quickly got into bed after.

'it's finally starting after four years of waiting'

I thought as I close my eyes hope for sleep but with my mind stuck on what's to come sleep escapes from me, after a while just laying and staring at the ceiling Sook sneaks in thinking I'm a sleep so she surprise when seeing me awake.

"What you doing awake?" Sook has her night gown on which slightly flutters as she come over to my bed and take a seat at the edge it, she run fingers through my hair.

"Can't sleep" I simply answer as I turn my body on my side so I'm facing Sook before she smiles at me.

"I know what can do the trick." She going to my large book shelf as I have a addiction to collecting books and pulled out my old story book before sitting against the headboard of my bed with me snuggled up in her side but half away through I asked a question.

"Aunt Sook, can a Villain ever change into a Hero?" I wonder about her response to the question for a while now.

"I believe so if they try hard enough no matter what others say."

"What if he's done something so bad that he believes death is the only way to right what he has done wrong?" Sook frown her eyes together at my odd question.

"Why you asking?" I can hear the worry in her voice.

"I saw a movie earlier about it." I lied through my teeth but hoping she'll still answer my question and seeing me waiting she does with a sigh as she close the book.

"Death is not always the answer to many solutions, when he had come to his senses about what he had done and believes he should repay the cruelty he had showed I think he shouldn't take the easy way out. Instead try his best to help and show others the right path as many doesn't have others to show them."

"What if he had killed many people and thinks that to save others is to end his life?"

"Then he's being a child throwing a fit, his death will do nothing then make the ones that love him sad even if he has done many things wrong, he deserves to live just like you and me. Just remember he's been rised differently then you and his past has might had caused him to do bad things." I nod in agreement at her statement.

"Now, enough of that as you need sleep." She tucks me in bed.

"Can I come to Merlotte's with you tomorrow?"

"You missing Lafayette cooking, don't you?" She smiled when I nod and said that I can go with her to work tomorrow, she lays a kiss on my forehead before leaving but keep a crack in the door and after had I finally been able to fall asleep.

_______________________________________________

[fade-and-loathing-in-thedas]

do any of your other amells have romances? also what are the deets for akroma leaving cullen 👀

Hahaha omg you've unlocked the beast.

I'll start with the Akroma/Cullen break-up. She really only just began her romance with Cullen when she ended it. Alistair is King in her playthrough, so since she recruited the mages she encountered him at the end. It was awkward for everyone involved. Alistair kinda lingers in her mind afterwards. She pursues the relationship with Cullen with incredible speed and a level of fixation that was a clear indicator she was trying to avoid something else (specifically her residual feelings for Alistair). It's after encountering Avacyn, and hearing her story, she kinda has to reassess how well she knows him. Then throw in her cousins getting involved, Kaalia Hawke (the Champion) and Kalum Hawke (the warden contact) and their relationship with the former Templar. Then you have the moment she wakes up in Cullen's arms, after dreaming of Alistair, and thought it was Alistair she was with. After a deep and meaningful conversation with Leliana, she kinda realised she'd been using him as a place holder and that she might need to work on getting over Alistair before trying to have a new relationship (she is very much avoido girl when it comes to dealing with her own actual emotions, and not just urges, so progress). She tells Cullen she can't be with him, cue his brooding, and then she heads to the Western Approach to avoid any awkwardness (okay, so not that much progress lol). That's all I've got, except they eventually kinda become friends again (leaning towards over protective brother in law now lol)

I've actually seriously been thinking a lot about romances for the siblings, which is how I ended up here lol

For Roman I have been leaning heavily towards Dorian. Roman has a weakness for pretty men and especially pretty men with major smarts, confidence, bordering on arrogance, and can be drama. I've got some stuff to work out here. He's kinda already in a casual thing with someone in his mercenary group, but the guy's an Orlesian and a complete dick (which has kind of been Roman's type/dating history). It's gonna take him a while to realise everyone he dates doesn't have to be an asshole. He doesn't have to be dirt for others to shine ya know.

I have also been tossing around a Jowan romance for Roman, only because the squick factor for Akroma would be hilarious. And Jowan is totally the kinda drama Roman's attracted too.

I haven't decided if Avacyn is having a relationship, but I could see her with the Iron Bull. Especially given his strong feelings around consent, understanding of power dynamics, and ability to read people. I could see him being her friend. Helping her let out the rage, setting up dummies for her to set aflame, and getting her to socialize more. He's also very much not someone who would pursue someone without explicit interest, which she would appreciate. I also think he is the kind of person who understands sex, romance, and relationships aren't all synonymous. You can have any of these by themselves, or in conjunction with any number of others and it doesn't make them any less meaningful. Idk I think they could click. What that will look like is still swimming around in my head.

Remus is straight up crushing on Leliana. Her skill with both a blade and a bow, not to mention how she could/would murder a man in his sleep. Yeah, she's his kind of woman.

As you are already aware Arcadia is currently trying to seduce Cullen in my head lol and failing dismally.

Oh and for the Amell cousins: Kaalia Hawke romanced Isabela, and Kalum romanced Anders.

[foone]

Yeah, Catullus gets censored a lot! I suspect a bit of it is just that we often get this idea of poets and poetry as... Light and fluffy?

Probably just because of what gets taught in schools. You end up getting the impression that a poems are about one of

Being sad

Walking through nature

Being sad whilst walking through nature.

Which is a slightly reductive take on a whole fucking medium.

Anyway, Catullus was less the stereotypical "upper class guy with a lot of education who loves nature and being depressed" sort of poet and is more to the "battle rapper" end of poetry.

He's got multiple poems that are basically diss tracks. This is exactly why Poem 16 (this one) comes straight out the gate with "I AM GOING TO BUTTFUCK AND FACEFUCK YOU" (lowercase letters wouldn't be developed for a few hundred more years, by definition everything Catullus wrote was in ALL UPPERCASE): Catullus is directing this poem at Marcus Furius Bibaculus (Bibaculus to his friends), who had an affair with Juventius: a woman Catullus had a (possibly unrequited) love for. In fact, this sort of reputation is part of what Catullus is saying. He's like "oh, you think I'm some weak pansy faggot because I'm a poet? Let's see how you feel after I shove my huge* manly dick up all your holes, bitch."

Anyway the whole reason I was supposed to be replying is to talk about how Latin is an amazing language to swear in. They've got some very fun words like irrumo, ittumare which means basically "to fuck someone's mouth", but in a single word. Face-fuck is really the best translation English has, and that's two words.

Plus Latin is an infected language! He didn't just say "face fuck", he said the first person singular future active indicative of "face fuck".

Irrumabo is a single word that packs all this info into its infected form. It's not just "what" (face fucking), it's who and when and how.

Who: me, singular. "We" are not going to face fuck you, I, personally, and going to face fuck you.

When: in the future. This is a thing that's going to happen. Latin has multiple moods for this, the indicative, imperative, and subjunctive.

He doesn't use the subjunctive, which'd mean "I hope I facefuck you: it'd be great if someday I get to face fuck you".

He doesn't use the imperative, which is for stating commands. He's not saying "get facefucked, idiot".

He uses the indicative. This is for stating facts. He's saying this as just a thing that will happen. As surely as the sun will rise tomorrow... I will facefuck you.

It's also active not passive, which means it's not "you will be facefucked by me". It's active, meaning it's "I am going to facefuck you".

The word is also derived from the word for teats? As in, it meant something like suckling?

Catullus is saying you're going to suck his cock like a baby feeding from their mother, and he's going to make you do this. This is just a thing that is going to happen.

And he says that all in ONE SINGLE WORD.

Latin is a lovely language for this sort of thing.

(there's also a lot of fascinating stuff about the second line of the poem: he calls Aurelius as pathicus, and Furius a cinaedus. These mean slightly different things! Translating them as "cocksucker" and "butt boy" is definitely one way to do it, but there's more to say about this, but this post is already way too long)

Anyway, while "first poet to ever get his bone on" is highly inaccurate (Sappho was centuries earlier! You think a woman who was so gay she gave us two of our words for WLW didn't BONE?), he definitely was one of the poets who most noticeably Absolutely Fucked and he made sure you knew it.

* he wouldn't have said "huge", this is a localization for our culture. The ancient romans thought big dicks were ugly, unrefined, and comical. (They borrowed this from the ancient greeks, incidentally)

you cant even begin poems with "i will sodomise and facef uck you" anymore. because of woke .