#Rolled a 1 on the check rolled a 20 on the save
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apuckishwit · 1 year ago
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See, it's a METAPHOR
A preview of Chapter 31 of Rolled a 1 on the Check, Rolled a 20 on the Save by APuckish_Wit on A03
The boys are acting weird.
Not bad weird or anything. He doesn’t think that anything’s wrong per se. They’re just super giggly and clearly are having private conversations in their Discord messages that they’re not letting him in on. Like…way more private conversations than they usually do during a gaming session.
It's their last gaming session before a two-week hiatus so he can attend Origins (and take a little side trip to Chicago to meet the man of his—increasingly explicit—dreams face to face for the first time and hopefully sweep him off his feet with his epic love confession), and he’s been planning an epic cliffhanger for the last month. He just needs to get Will or maybe Dustin to take the bait and convince the others to investigate the Upside Down version of the mysterious Apothecary Brenner’s estate. Ordinarily he wouldn’t care too much, besides being a little miffed that they aren’t giving his masterful storytelling its proper attention…but Steve’s acting weird, too.
He has been for the last couple weeks, honestly. Again, not so much a bad weird. He’s just been quieter than usual. Distracted, almost. Eddie kind of feels like Steve is only half paying attention to their conversations lately, but when he asks about it, Steve just says he’s fine. Has something on his mind that he’s trying to work out. Eddie tries not to be saddened that Steve hasn’t asked for his help or opinion…Steve’s his friend, not his significant other (no matter how much Eddie’s hoping, praying, and fantasizing that that might be different soon) and if Steve doesn’t want to talk about what’s bothering him, he doesn’t have to.
He tries not to let the weirdness get to him, and in the end it’s actually Lucas who takes the bait and convinces them to check out the apothecary in case there are any healing potions or herbs that could be useful. The boys howl in delighted outrage when Eddie springs his trap—dozens of the sentient vines that have been harrying the party bursting from the floor and walls of the apothecary as soon as they start searching the building and ensnaring Xerxes, Will the Wise, and Sir Stephen as loud, ominous footsteps descend from the building’s upper floor.
“And that, unfortunately, is where we’re going to have to leave it for the next two weeks,” Eddie announces gleefully, eliciting more howls and bright laughter from the boys. “I do thank everyone for joining us tonight, and don’t forget to check out my Twitch and YouTube channels for live streaming events from Origins next week! I’ve got a great panel planned and a few announcements about future projects!” For some reason, that sets off more laughter from Dustin before he quickly mutes his mic, and the boys all sign off much more quickly than usual, until it’s just him and Steve in the Discord.
“You excited for the convention?” Steve asks. In the background, Eddie can here pots and pans being moved, the clink of dishes and running water. He closes his eyes for just a moment, pretending that he’s right there with Steve, the two of them debriefing their day together over the remains of a nice dinner. God, what is his life that he’s fantasizing about clearing away dirty dishes?
It would be worth a fantasy if it was with Steve, though.
“So be honest—scale of one to ten, how fucked are we when whatever it is gets down those stairs?” Steve asks, and Eddie lets out a short bark of laughter.
“Eh, I’m not saying I’ll definitely get my first character kill in…but you might want to have a backup ready.”
“Already done.”
“Is it a human paladin named Stephano?”
“No,” Steve replies in mock-offense. “It’s a human barbarian named Stefan. Totally different.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Eddie says, so much fondness coloring his tone he was sure someone looking at him would be able to see cartoon hearts circling his head. “Dustin will hate it.”
“You say that like it’s not my main motivation.”
Eddie laughs again, gathering his laptop up and heading out into the living room. Gandalf is waiting at the door to his recording room, immediately winding around his ankles as he makes his way over to the couch. A copy of Men at Arms he’d gotten from the local library is lying on the arm of the couch, face-down and open to the page they’d left off on a couple days ago. “You up for more of Sam tonight? We’re getting to the thrilling finale.”
“It’s his wedding—how much more chaos can there be?”
“Oh, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie—haven’t you been paying attention? There’s always more chaos in Discworld.”
“Hah, true. But, um—he and Sybil get a happy ending, right?”
Eddie tilts his head, curious at the sudden shift in Steve’s tone. He sounds almost…tentative. “I mean—do you want spoilers?”
“Maybe? Shut up, I know it’s stupid. I’m just…rooting for them. They’re so different, but they really love each other.”
Eddie can feel the soft, goofy smile splitting his face. “That they do. And yeah, I promise, they get a happy ending. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not perfect. Sam gets caught up in his work…kind of a lot now that I’m thinking about it. But they always make it work. Sir Terry wasn’t real big on fairy-tale perfection. His storytelling is so real. Sam and Lady Sybil…they have problems and challenges, but they just keep, I dunno, choosing each other? No matter what. So the differences don’t matter in the end, and the mistakes can be forgiven.”
Steve is quiet for a moment. “Choosing each other. I really like that.”
Gandalf leaps up on Eddie’s lap, and he absently scratches behind the cat’s ears. “Yeah,” he says softly. “Yeah, me too.”
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steddierecs · 1 year ago
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Rolled a 1 on the Check, Rolled a 20 on the Save by APuckish_Wit
Word count: 111,053 (incomplete) / 30/34 Rating: T Trigger and content warnings: armed robbery, hospitalisation
Summary: A modern AU where, after his relationship with Nancy flames out in spectacular fashion, Steve finds himself feeling increasingly depressed and adrift. With nothing better to do with his time, he gives in when Dustin begs him to join his online DnD game to round out the party. To his surprise, he finds himself really enjoying it--the guy running the game is amazing, and super patient when Steve doesn't get something. He and their DM, Eddie, often find themselves talking on the games Discord server for hours after their session ends. For the first time since Nancy left him, he's starting to feel like things aren't so bleak.
Still, when he has an opportunity to take Dustin and the others to the big gaming convention Eddie's planning on attending a few states away so they can all meet in person for a one-shot session, he's nervous. Really nervous. Like...way more nervous than he should be, just meeting a friend. Eddie IS just a friend...right?
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waywardsalt · 4 months ago
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nice to know that that one of the players i fought against in a brief bit of dnd pvp was using a min maxed character and was apparently using fudged rolls
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the-griffons-saddlebag · 8 months ago
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⚔️ 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Deathmetal Axe
Weapon (greataxe), very rare (requires attunement) ___ This adamantine axe is covered in narrow cracks, which periodically erupt with harmless, magical flame. Along its haft are four strings: plucking a string creates a deep, bone-rattling resonance from the axe. If you’re proficient with lutes, you are proficient with the “deathmetal axe”, and you can play it as if it were a lute. You gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon, as well as on any Charisma (Performance) check you make with it. Whenever the axe hits an object, the hit is a critical hit. 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙨. The axe has 7 charges for the following properties. It regains 1d6 + 1 expended charges daily at dawn. If you take 10 or more lightning damage and then use one of the axe’s properties on your next turn, the number of charges required by the property is reduced by 1. 𝙎𝙥𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙨. While holding the axe, you can use an action to expend 2 of its charges to cast either the “shatter” or “thunderwave” (2nd-level version) spell from it (save DC 16). 𝙏𝙝𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚. Whenever you take the Attack action with this weapon, you can expend 1 of its charges to replace one of your attacks with a special performance. When you do, make a DC 16 Charisma (Performance) check. On a success, you create an instantaneous wave of sound, which affects creatures within 10 feet of you; friendly creatures within the wave immediately gain 2d6 + 2 temporary hit points, and hostile creatures must succeed on a DC 16 Constitution saving throw or take 2d6 + 2 thunder damage. When you roll a 20 on the Charisma (Performance) check, the radius of your wave increases to 30 feet, and the number of temporary hit points gained and thunder damage dealt is doubled. A creature is immune to these effects if it can’t hear the performance. The wave then fades. ___ ✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon's Saddlebag on Patreon for less than $10 a month!
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vexwerewolf · 24 days ago
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What do you think is the worst frame for a SEKHMET-Class NHP? Why?
I went on more of an odyssey with this one than I thought.
I gave myself a rule here: I am not allowed to build a mech badly on purpose. As Dan Olson said, "if you build it out of malice, you inject it full of all your own prejudices. It ends up bad for reasons you created. It tells you nothing." Whenever I examine a mech for its suitability (or lack thereof) of SEKHMET, I must enter into it in good faith. I must try to build a good loadout and fail - I must not try to build a bad loadout and succeed.
First Appearances
I was initially going to say a Death's Head. There are a lot of frames that aren't well-suited to melee combat, but prima facie, I don't think there's a frame that by its traits and stats is more antithetical to the ethos of SEKHMET.
However. When I decided to go to COMP/CON and map out a Melee SEKHMET Death's Head for a laugh, I discovered... actually, if you disregard its traits, the Death's Head isn't the worst frame for SEKHMET. It's certainly not good - none of its traits support the playstyle - but the Death's Head is fast. It's base speed 5, just like the Blackbeard, and it has higher Evasion and E-Defence. With three ranks in an SSC mech, you can get Full Subjectivity Sync and boost its evasion to 14 with just 2 Agility, which is pretty nimble.
Also, with three ranks in an IPS-N frame - which by necessity you must have if you have SEKHMET - you can get Reinforced Frame. At LL6, with 4 points in Hull and 1 SP for Personalisations, you can get this little bastard to 26 HP, which combined with its high Evasion gives it pretty hefty staying power.
Also, a bizarre interaction that I had previously never thought of - and had to check with #rules-discussion on PilotNET - SEKHMET can use Core Siphon. There's nothing in the rules that says SEKHMET can't use protocols, and Core Siphon applies to all attacks, not just ranged ones. This can be useful if, for instance, you're close to demolishing an enemy with your first attack, and the next nearest target is an ally - your first attack roll will be buffed, and all the other attacks you make this turn will be debuffed.
This is my janked-up build:
-- SSC Death’s Head @ LL6 -- [ LICENSES ] IPS-N Blackbeard 3, SSC Death’s Head 2, SSC Mourning Cloak 1 [ CORE BONUSES ] Reinforced Frame, Full Subjectivity Sync [ TALENTS ] Duelist 3, Executioner 3, Skirmisher 3 [ STATS ] HULL:4 AGI:2 SYS:0 ENGI:2 STRUCTURE:4 HP:26 ARMOR:0 STRESS:4 HEATCAP:8 REPAIR:4 TECH ATK:0 LIMITED:+1 SPD:6 EVA:14 EDEF:8 SENSE:20 SAVE:13 [ WEAPONS ] MAIN/AUX MOUNT: Charged Blade / Fold Knife HEAVY MOUNT: Nanocarbon Sword [ SYSTEMS ] Personalizations, SEKHMET-Class NHP, Synthetic Muscle Netting, Core Siphon, High-Stress Mag Clamps
It's not... great. But it could work!
So, if it's not the Death's Head, what frame really is the worst for SEKHMET?
The Big Boy
The next stop on my journey was to think about what made the Death's Head not the worst choice, and look for a frame that didn't have those upsides. This led me - as many "worst frame for X" deep dives do - to the Barbarossa.
The Barbarossa isn't just slow, it's fucking slow. I can't express to you just how much of a drawback 2 Speed is. I had to pump Agility to 4 just to hit Speed 4, the base speed of an Everest. But when I did, the unsuitability of the Barbarossa sort of melted away as well.
The Barbarossa's Threat is huge, and if you're eligible for an IPS-N core bonus - which, again, I will remind you, you must be if you have SEKHMET - you can get Gyges frame, which buffs weapon Threat by 1. A Barbarossa with a Threat 3 Nanocarbon Sword threatens an absolutely absurd 36 spaces around it, so who gives a shit if it's not the quickest? Speed 4 isn't great for SEKHMET but if you've got move assist from your team it basically doesn't matter.
Moreover, the Barbarossa is functionally immune to most sources of forced movement. It can't be knocked prone by anything smaller than itself, already always wins grapples even before you add Synthetic Muscle Netting, and can just march over obstacles that would force a smaller mech to go around them.
Again, it's pretty jank, but this build works surprisingly well:
-- HA Barbarossa @ LL6 -- [ LICENSES ] HA Barbarossa 2, IPS-N Blackbeard 3, IPS-N Vlad 1 [ CORE BONUSES ] Gyges Frame, Heatfall Coolant System [ TALENTS ] Duelist 3, Executioner 3, Combined Arms 1, Nuclear Cavalier 2 [ STATS ] HULL:2 AGI:4 SYS:0 ENGI:2 STRUCTURE:4 HP:19 ARMOR:2 STRESS:4 HEATCAP:10 REPAIR:5 TECH ATK:-2 LIMITED:+1 SPD:4 EVA:10 EDEF:6 SENSE:10 SAVE:13 [ WEAPONS ] Integrated: Apocalypse Rail MAIN MOUNT: Impact Lance MAIN MOUNT: Chain Axe HEAVY MOUNT: Nanocarbon Sword [ SYSTEMS ] Personalizations, Synthetic Muscle Netting, SEKHMET-Class NHP, Reinforced Cabling
Reinforced Cabling - by the end, you will believe a mountain can fly.
Wait, Is Lancer Just That Flexible?
So far we've looked at two mechs I was sure would be a simple answer to this question and they were actually astoundingly viable given their respective downsides. Sure, they're not anywhere close to being top picks, but Lancer's game design seems to be tight enough that it basically never entirely locks you out of a role even if your mech isn't suited to it.
But there's still got to be a worst mech, right? Even with Lancer's legendary build flexibility, there still has to be a worst mech for the job of housing the Murder Cat, right? By definition, there has to be.
So what is it? It has to be a mech that's some combination of slow, fragile, doesn't have trait support for melee or traits that would otherwise be advantageous for a melee fighter, does have traits that would actively disadvantage it in melee, or has traits that are rendered unusable by not being on SEKHMET's permissible action flowchart. Moreover, I realised that any mech that has a Heavy slot can put a Nanocarbon Sword in it, and that weapon is so good that it can make up for most of a frame's deficiencies by itself. Therefore, we also need to exclude any frame that has a Heavy Slot.
We have two somewhat viable options here: the HORUS Lich and the SSC Emperor.
Ghost Warrior
The HORUS Lich is absurdly fragile on its base stats (although this can be easily circumvented via HASE and core bonuses), and it can't use its survival reaction while using SEKHMET if doing so would cause it to move away from an enemy. It lacks a Heavy slot, and it also lacks any traits that non-Heavy frames like the Nelson and the Mourning Cloak have to improve melee damage.
Even so, you can easily make a 22 HP, Evasion 10, E-Def 12 Lich by LL6.
-- HORUS Lich @ LL6 -- [ LICENSES ] IPS-N Blackbeard 3, HORUS Lich 2, IPS-N Nelson 1 [ CORE BONUSES ] Reinforced Frame, Overpower Caliber [ TALENTS ] Duelist 3, Skirmisher 3, Hunter 3 [ STATS ] HULL:4 AGI:2 SYS:0 ENGI:2 STRUCTURE:4 HP:22 ARMOR:0 STRESS:4 HEATCAP:5 REPAIR:7 TECH ATK:+1 LIMITED:+1 SPD:6 EVA:10 EDEF:12 SENSE:15 SAVE:14 [ WEAPONS ] MAIN/AUX MOUNT: War Pike / Tactical Knife // Overpower Caliber [ SYSTEMS ] SEKHMET-Class NHP, Personalizations, Synthetic Muscle Netting, Armament Redundancy, Reinforced Cabling, Bulwark Mods, Wandering Nightmare
This boy can do some work. The War Pike gives it excellent threat, OpCal boosts its damage per turn, and the TacKnife lets it do Hunter shenanigans, such as essentially attacking twice with its Knife. It's still not great, but it... works.
Sword of Kings
The Emperor is probably what we're looking for. It has only one Main Mount (worse even than the Lich's Main/Aux, which at least lets it do Knife Crimes), and its survivability and sustain comes entirely from Overshield, which it can't interact with at all while using SEKHMET. Even at 4 Hull, its Repair Cap is only 4, meaning it can't afford to take much damage.
-- SSC Emperor @ LL6 -- [ LICENSES ] IPS-N Blackbeard 3, SSC Emperor 2, IPS-N Nelson 1 [ CORE BONUSES ] Reinforced Frame, Overpower Caliber [ TALENTS ] Duelist 3, Skirmisher 3, Pankrati 3 [ STATS ] HULL:4 AGI:2 SYS:0 ENGI:2 STRUCTURE:4 HP:17 ARMOR:0 STRESS:4 HEATCAP:7 REPAIR:4 TECH ATK:+1 LIMITED:+1 SPD:6 EVA:12 EDEF:8 SENSE:15 SAVE:14 [ WEAPONS ] Integrated: Marathon Arc Bow MAIN MOUNT: War Pike // Overpower Caliber [ SYSTEMS ] Personalizations, Synthetic Muscle Netting, SEKHMET-Class NHP, Reinforced Cabling, Armament Redundancy, Bulwark Mods
Now, to be clear, this guy does start every fight with 9 Overshield, and regains it every time they take Structure damage, giving them 26 effective HP per Structure. But the Emperor needs to be constantly applying Overshield to allies to recharge their Storm Shield, and this is essentially impossible while SEKHMET is active!
And yet this build is still... at least remotely playable. I think we've found the worst frame for SEKHMET. I don't think SEKHMET likes the SSC Emperor very much.
And yet. You could field this. It wouldn't be good, but you could field this. It would probably die quite fast but it's not completely unplayable.
Damn, Lancer's pretty good.
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littjara-mirrorlake · 9 months ago
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Plane Shift: New Phyrexia Phyresis Rules 1.0
Contact with Phyrexian creatures and glistening oil can lead to phyresis, a special condition tracked in ten stages. Phyresis is not a disease, so immunity to disease cannot prevent a creature from being afflicted. Phyrexian creatures are immune to this condition.
A creature infected by phyresis experiences the effects of its current level and all those below.
Until level 5, greater restoration may remove a phyresis level from a targeted creature in addition to its other effects.
Every 24 hours, a character who has at least 1 phyresis level must roll a d20. On a roll equal to or less than their current phyresis level, they gain one level.
Phyresis Level Effects
1: No effect 2: No effect 3: Disadvantage on saving throws against being charmed or frightened by Phyrexian creatures 4: No new effect 5: Phyresis can no longer be removed by greater restoration 6: No new effect 7: Phyrexian language proficiency 8: Gain one augmentation for which you meet the prerequisites (detailed in a later installment) 9: No new effect 10: Incapacitated; begin compleation saving throws (see “A Sublime Transformation”) (Below the cut)
A Sublime Transformation
Most compleated adult Phyrexians, including player characters, are capable of compleating other creatures with sufficient ichor and time. A compleated creature retains its original type and racial features but gains the Phyrexian supertype. As a general rule, spells cast using Phyrexian mana that raise a target from the dead will return them compleated, if they were not already.
Much like being raised from the dead, the process of compleation is an exhausting ordeal that saps the energy of affected creatures. A newly compleated Phyrexian takes a -3 penalty to all attack rolls, saving throws, and ability checks. Each time the creature finishes a long rest, the penalty is reduced by 1 until it disappears.
Often, compleation is a process of optimization, reinforcing a creature's existing strengths. In that spirit, compleated player characters may increase one ability score above 20 by subtracting 2 from another ability score for each increase by 1 to the target score, to a maximum of 22. In addition, the compleated character gains one Phyrexian augmentation for which they meet the prerequisite.
Compleation is a unique opportunity for a player to re-work their character, extending to even class and subclass choices. Additionally, the mnemonic nature of glistening oil means that genetic material is not the only thing passed down from a Phyrexian to a creature they compleat. A newly compleated creature gains one skill proficiency possessed by the Phyrexian who compleated them.
Glistening oil carries the voice of Yawgmoth, who seeks to bend all to his whims. When you reach 10 phyresis levels, you must make a DC 16 Wisdom or Charisma saving throw each turn (your choice). The Phyrexian compleating you may grant you advantage on these saving throws. Successes and failures don't need to be consecutive; keep track of both until you collect three of a kind. When you roll a 1 on the d20, it counts as two failures; likewise, a 20 on the d20 counts as two successes. On your third success, you become compleated while retaining your previous memories and convictions. On your third failure, your bonds are altered to serve Phyrexia. You retain your base alignment and personality, but may suffer memory loss. Either way, you lose all phyresis levels and their effects.
Though powerful, the alteration of loyalties during compleation can be undone. Dispel magic or remove curse cast with a 7th-level slot or higher can restore one target creature to its former bonds if its mind had been altered in this way. You can target one additional creature for each slot level above 7th.
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jrswritings · 1 month ago
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Tingles and Giggles - Chapter Twenty-One - Tyler Owens x Reader
Get caught up with the Chapters 1-20 on the Masterlist! :)
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Chapter Twenty-One - Love And Light
You were awoken by lightly being shaken, with Tyler saying your name. You turned on your back, forgetting you were on a swing. You rolled right into Tyler’s chest as he was kneeling next to you. This made you jolt awake and rub the sleep out of your eyes. 
“Good morning, gorgeous,” he chuckled, “Where’d you run off to last night?” 
“Morning,” you said while sitting off and looking over at the horse pasture, the palomino named Duke nowhere in sight. 
“Everything okay?” He asked, rubbing your arms.
“Yeah,” you said softly, grabbing your earbud from the ground and putting it back in its case, “I just needed some fresh air.” 
“Did I stink that bad?” He joked, smelling his shirt and armpits, “Or did I snore loud?” 
“Neither, Ty,” you said, looking back at him and noticing he showered, “The last week has just been a lot mentally. I just needed some time to process it and I think last night it all just hit me.” 
“Was it sharing a bed?” He asked, concern laced in his voice.
“No, I just couldn’t sleep last night so I came out and took a small walk to the pasture and met your aunt’s palomino named Duke,” you said, “Then I came over here and stared at the stars for a bit and that’s the last I remember.” 
“Are you better now?” He asked, taking your hands in his. 
“Yeah, I am, babe,” you said while giving him a small smile. 
“Okay,” he said, pulling your head down gently and kissing the top, “Breakfast is in the making, she’s making my mom’s recipe for pancakes.” 
“There’s a recipe for pancakes? Not just a box mix?” You asked, getting up and stretching your arms up. 
“My mom made the best pancakes,” he chuckled, “You’ll see.” 
He grabbed your hand and lightly tugged you towards the house, the sweet smell of the syrup drawing you in. You could never resist a good pancake, especially if it was his mom’s signature recipe. 
“There you are, silly girl,” his aunt said, “I saw you curled up on the swing when I got up to check on the horses this morning.” 
“Yeah, I needed some air last night,” you said, sitting down at the table, “It’s been quite the week for me.” 
“Tyler was telling me that you saved a boy's life in that twister,” she said while flipping the pancakes, “Pretty brave of you.” 
“I do what I can to help anyone in a storm like that,” you said, adjusting the sweatshirt to not be choking you. 
“Here babe,” Tyler said, handing you a cup of coffee.
“Thanks,” you said softly, holding the cup tightly as your fingers were cold. 
“You sound like Tyler in that aspect,” she laughed, “That boy runs into more storms than I think he has run away from.” 
“I wouldn’t doubt it,” you said, taking a sip of the steaming liquid in front of you and letting the steam warm your skin. 
“I drive into them, thank you,” he said, sitting beside you and leaning back into the chair. 
“That’s the same thing,” you laughed, setting your coffee cup down as his aunt placed a plate of the fluffiest pancakes you’ve seen in front of you. 
“Not really,” he said, taking the plate from his aunt and grabbing the bottle of syrup. 
As you smeared butter over the top of the three pancakes, Auntie B’s phone rang from the counter by her coffee cup. 
“I swear if that damn horse got out again I’m going to lose it,” she said, answering it and holding it to her ear. 
“How many horses does she have?” You quietly asked Tyler as she got up from her spot at the table. 
“Three, Duke, Clyde, and Bonnie,” he said, shoving a massive bite of pancakes into his mouth. 
“Which one always gets out?” You asked, cutting the first bite of pancake off the large disc. 
“Clyde thinks he can run like he’s the horse version of Bonnie and Clyde,” Tyler laughed, “Bonnie doesn’t run thankfully.” 
“My mom asked me last night if you’d be able to help them out with hauling some hay once we get there,” you said quietly, “Is that okay?” 
“Hell yeah,” he said, finishing his second cake, “That sounds fun.” 
“Yeah, fun,” you laughed slightly.
“It’s only fair since you helped my aunt with her chores,” he said, nudging your arm with his elbow gently. 
“Getting eggs and picking stuff from the garden aren’t really chores though,” you said, “Hauling hay is a completely different story.” 
“I’ll believe it when we get there,” he said, “Speaking of which, we should head out here soon. Auntie B would understand we had to leave.” 
“You can grab our things while I was dishes,” you said, taking the last bite of your pancakes and standing up. 
“If you say so,” he said, standing and bringing the dishes to the sink, “How were the pancakes?” 
“Delicious,” you said, rolling your sleeves up. 
“Did you want to change before I grab the suitcase?” He asked, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. 
“I probably should,” you said, “You can always wait in here until after I’m done with dishes and changing.” 
“I probably should get Cash’s food into the bed of the truck and make sure he goes pee before we leave,” he said against your skin, sending shivers down your spine as you washed the syrup-covered plates.
“I’m sure he’ll be okay,” you said, slightly pressing your body to him. 
“Okay princess,” he whispered, kissing behind your ear softly. 
You rinsed and dried your hands, turning around in Tyler’s arms and placing your slightly damp hands on his biceps. 
“I could get used to days like this,” you said softly, taking in the quiet moment between the two of you. 
“Oh really?” He asked, pressing his forehead to yours. 
“Yeah,” you said softly, rubbing your nose on his. 
“Maybe on our way back from your parents we can stop by my parent's home and see if it’s something we can dive into,” he said, his voice cracking with sadness. 
“Only if you want to, Ty,” you said, rubbing your thumbs on his muscles, “I know it’s hard.” 
“It really is,” he said, choking back a couple of tears, “But I found someone who can help bring the light and love back into it.” 
“I’ll do my best,” you said with a smile. 
“It’s all I could ever ask for,” he said, gingerly pressing his lips to yours. 
You pressed yours back, running your hands along his shoulders to his neck and the back of his head. Your lips moved in sync as if they were made for each other, both of you staying in this kiss until you had to pull away to breathe. 
“(Y/n)?” He asked breathlessly, still catching his breath. 
“Hmm?” You hummed in response. 
“Will you officially be my partner in crime?” He whispered, his lips brushing against yours as he spoke. 
Your breath hitched, and you knew you had to commit fully or keep your heart under lock and key.
Taglist: @fanboyswhore9 @faith719 @ummmeg @nerdgirljen @winterassassin1804 @smoothdogsgirl @xbox5angelx @ifilwtmfc
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thehomelybrewster · 9 months ago
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1d8 "Free" Fantasy RPGs To Replace 5e At Your Table
D&D 5e sure is a roleplaying game, and it's one that I have enjoyed a lot. However, that doesn't mean that I'd recommend it automatically for other people. This has many reasons, which I won't elaborate here. It has also shaped the perception of TTRPGs significantly thanks to its market dominance, and not in a good way.
5e has a reputation for being an expensive, complex game, and 5e players fear that other RPGs might just be the same. That it's too much of a hassle and too much of a financial burden to switch systems.
So, to help 5e players pick out a different system, I've made this handy 1d8 rolling table to help them pick a fantasy TTRPG with a combat component that they can try instead!
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Let's now go through these eight nine RPGs and see what's up with them, right below the "Keep reading" section!
I'll be listing some metrics like the page count for the rulebook(s), the core resolution mechanic, how complex the game is in terms of character creation & combat, and how well-supported the game is by their publisher and the community-at-large.
1. Cairn
Author: Yochai Gal
Release Year: 2020
Cost: Free PDF, printed copies cost between $3 to $10 depending on the print quality.
Page Count: 24
Website: https://cairnrpg.com/
Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 Roll Under system for ability checks/saving throws, attacks hit automatically, "fiction-first".
Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.
Characters: Random character creation, class-less and level-less, advancement based on "Scars" (suffering damage that reduces your HP exactly to 0)
Setting: Implied. Low-magic European-style fantasy; mysterious woodlands.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Hit Protection and Ability damage instead of HP, Slot-Based Inventory.
Degree of Support: Very high. Available in fifteen languages (e.g. Spanish, Russian, Chinese, and German); full rules text is under CC-BY-SA 4.0; multiple published third-party adventures & supplements available; some official bonus material (e.g. bestiary, magic items/relics, and spells) is available for free on the website.
Addendum: An expanded 2nd Edition is currently on Kickstarter (ends April 26th 2024); Cairn is legitimately easy to learn, however the Hit Protection system and the connected Scars system is a very different abstraction to health and advancement compared to 5e.
2. Cloud Empress
Author: worlds by watt
Release Year: 2023
Cost: Free PDF of the rulebook and the creator-written sample adventure "Last Voyage of the Bean Barge", $20 for the print edition of the rulebook, $12 for PDF supplements, $25 for print + PDF supplements; free solo rules also available as PDF only.
Page Count: 60
Website: https://cloudempress.com/
Resolution Mechanic: d100 Roll Under system for stat checks/saving throws, critical successes or failures on doubles (11, 22, 33, etc.), 5e-style advantage/disadvantage, attacks generally hit automatically.
Action Economy: Two actions per round with no free movement.
Characters: Semi-random character creation, four classes ("jobs"), no rules for character advancement in the ruleset.
Setting: Specific. "Ecological science fantasy" heavily inspired by Hayao Miyazaki's "Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind"; costly magic, giant insects, dangerous mushrooms; only human player characters.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Damage points culminate in Wounds; Wounds and Stress as ways to track your character's physical and mental state; slot-based inventory system.
Degree of Support: Low-ish. Several official supplements exist, however third-party material is very sparse. May improve due to the recent establishment of a Cloud Empress Creators Fund, has a simple 3rd party license system.
Addendum: A supplement, "Cloud Empress: Life & Death" is currently on Kickstarter (ends April 26th 2024, yes, the same day as Cairn 2e) and as a disclaimer I even backed that current Kickstarter; Cloud Empress is built on the engine of the sci-fi horror RPG "Mothership"; clearly built for one-shots and short campaigns; has a wonderful resting system that encourages roleplay between players.
3. Iron Halberd
Author: level2janitor
Release Year: 2023
Cost: Free PDF of the rules; no print option available.
Page Count: 60
Website: https://level2janitor.itch.io/iron-halberd
Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 + Bonus Roll Over system against difficulty or armor rating, however most non-combat-related actions follow a fiction first approach without dice rolls.
Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.
Characters: Semi-random character creation, class-less but there are four different "gear kits" that nudge your character towards certain archetypes, levelling up with XP.
Setting: Essentially non-existant. General European fantasy with magic, gods may or may not exist/shape the world, various fantastic ancestries included.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Includes rules for building strongholds and maintaining warbands; slot-based inventory with a durability mechanic.
Degree of Support: None. The game is intended to be relatively compatible with other OSR content and the creator suggests using adventures made for the D&D retroclone Old-School Essentials if you wanna use pre-published ones. An official introductory adventure, "Sea-Spray Bay", is apparently in the works. No 3rd party license available, as far as I know.
Addendum: One thing about Iron Halberd I like especially is how it uses random tables for generating equipment. Most of the equipment is listed in a numerical order by category, and the various gear kits include references on different rolling formulas for those equipment categories. For example someone taking the "soldier's kit" rolls twice on the d20 Weapons table and takes their preferred pick, while someone taking the "sage's kit" only rolls a d4 on that table.
4. Mausritter
Author: Isaac Williams
Release Year: 2020
Cost: Free PDF of the ruleset available; box set with the rules and several goodies including an adventure costs $55; additional box set + PDFs containing eleven official adventures costs $55 (or $20 digital-only).
Page Count: 48
Website: https://mausritter.com/
Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 Roll Under system, 5e-style advantage/disadvantage, attacks always hit.
Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.
Characters: Random character creation, class-less, levelling up with XP.
Setting: Vaguely specific. You play as mice and everything is related to mouse-size; cats are the equivalents of devils or dragons; humans exist as a setting background but may or may not be present in a campaign.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Includes rules for recruiting warbands; slot-based inventory with a durability mechanic.
Degree of Support: Very high. Several official supplements exist, as well as loads of content, be it adventures or supplements, made by other creators. Available in seven languages (all of them however are European). Has a simple 3rd party license system.
Addendum: Mausritter uses the phrase "adventure site" instead of dungeons. On the website a free adventure site generator is available, as is a digital tool that can be used to generate your own item cards for the slot-based inventory system.
5. Maze Rats
Author: Ben Milton
Release Year: 2017
Cost: $4.99 for the PDF, no print option regularly available.
Page Count: 32
Website: https://questingbeast.substack.com/
Resolution Mechanic: 2d6 + Bonus Roll Over system; advantage system that uses 3d6 drop the lowest + Bonus.
Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.
Characters: Semi-random character creation, class-less but instead there are character features (e.g. spell slots or attack bonuses), levelling up with XP.
Setting: Essentially non-existant. Magic is very irregular (s. the section below), but otherwise it implies a vaguely European fantasy setting.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Spells are randomly generated each adventuring day and spell effects are negotiated between the GM and the spellcasting player; includes several fantastic d66 tables that can be used to randomly generate worlds.
Degree of Support: Decent. The rule text is licensed under CC BY 4.0 and unofficial translations are available. Some third-party content has been made specifically for the game.
Addendum: The only purchase-only game on this list. However "unofficial" distribution of the PDF is very common. Also this is the oldest game on the list. Ben "Questing Beast" Milton is a prolific OSR blogger and runs a YouTube channel on the OSR. Great dude.
6. Sherwood - A Game of Outlaws & Arcana
Author: Richard Ruane
Release Year: 2022
Cost: Free quickstart PDF titled "Sherwood - A Quickstart of Outlaws" available; digital rulebook costs $7.50 and the print edition (including PDF) costs $15.
Page Count: 25 (Quickstart), 32 (Rulebook)
Website: https://www.r-rook.studio/
Resolution Mechanic: 2d6 + Bonus Roll Over system for skill checks (including attacks), 2d6 Roll Under system for saving throws; advantage & disadvantage system that involves rolling 3d6 and using the higher/lower of the two results; almost all rolls are player-facing
Action Economy: "Conversational", assumption of movement + action.
Characters: Largely choice-based character creation. Combine two (of six) background abilities with the benefits of seven different careers. Big focus on interpersonal relationships during character creation. Limited character advancement takes place during downtime.
Setting: Specific. Takes place in a fantastical version of 13th century England, with fey and magic coexisting with outlaws and crusaders.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: The group of outlaws possesses two shared resources (Resources and Legend) that can be spent to gain certain benefits; spellcasting is divided into two categories: arcane talents and sorcerous rites, with the former being immediate and the later taking significant time; slot-based inventory.
Degree of Support: None. No further publications exist for the game and while it is published under the CC-BY 4.0 license, no third-party content exists as far as I know. It does include a guide on how to convert D&D and Troika (N)PCs into Sherwood characters, as well as three adventure seeds (one in the Quickstart, two in the rules), which is at least something.
Addendum: Might just be the game on this list that encourages the most roleplaying; the character sheet is sadly very provisional-feeling and the Quickstart feels outdated compared to the finalized rulebook.
7. The Electrum Archive
Author: Emiel Boven
Release Year: 2022
Cost: Free Rules PDF available, zines cost $12 as digital PDFs or $24 as print + PDF combos; the first zine contains the entire contents of the Free Rules PDF
Page Count: 26 (Free Rules), 72 (Issue 01)
Website: https://www.electrumarchive.com/
Resolution Mechanic: 1d10 Roll Under system, attacks always hit.
Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.
Characters: Largely choice-based; three archetypes roughly corresponding to fighters/rangers (Vagabonds), rogues (Fixers), and spellcasters (Warlocks); player characters are presumed to be human; levelling up with XP.
Setting: Specific. Mechanics heavily tie into the lore; humanity has abundant access to minerals but requires a rare substance known as Ink to operate certain pieces of tech (like guns) and cast spells but cannot produce Ink themselves; spirits of various sorts can be foes, targets of worship, or sources of power.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Uses a spellcasting system for the Warlock archetype that's heavily based on the one used in Maze Rats, as in it uses randomly-generated spells whose effects are negotiated between the player and the GM; slot-based inventory with a durability mechanic.
Degree of Support: Minimal. The game consists out of the free rules and (soon) two zines; a third party license exists but content produced under it is very rare.
Addendum: I need to disclaim that I recently backed the Kickstarter campaign for the second zine for this game; the free rules feature wrong page numbers in its table of contents which is unfortunate; The Electrum Archive uses incredibly simple stats for NPCs which makes creating new ones based on other games rather simple.
8. Shadowdark RPG
Author: Kelsey Dionne
Release Year: 2023
Cost: Free player and game master quickstarts exist as PDFs and are available in print for $19, the core rules cost $28 in PDF form and $57 in a print + PDF bundle
Page Count: 68 (Player Quickstart Guide), 68 (Game Master Quickstart Guide), 332 (Core Rules)
Website: https://www.thearcanelibrary.com/
Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 + Bonus Roll Over system, 5e-style advantage/disadvantage, natural 1s are critical failures and natural 20s are critical successes.
Action Economy: Movement + one action per round.
Characters: Largely choice-based; players have a fantasy ancestry and a class; levelling up with XP; class progression largely random.
Setting: Vague. General (dark) western fantasy conventions apply; alignment is a force in this universe and a sample pantheon is provided; the most potent enemies in the rules are named individuals that fit classic TTRPG monster types; illustrations and lore snippets have recurring motifs.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: The key mechanic of Shadowdark is how the game handles light, namely that light sources are tracked in real time (i.e. a normal torch lasts 1 hour), which increases tension; slot-based inventory; has a 0th-level character creation option using an eliminationist "Gauntlet".
Degree of Support: Fantastic. Several official supplements and offically sanctioned digital tools exist; lots of third-party content available under a generous third-party license.
Addendum: Definitely the most similar game to 5e on this list besides the next entry; very robust mechanically and the Core Rules features extensive lists of magic items, monsters, and spells; also for early play giving your players only access to the quickstart is a totally valid choice; and finally, before Dionne made Shadowdark, she made 5e adventures for years and it shows (affectionate).
9. Pathfinder
Authors: Logan Bonner, Jason Bulmahn, Stephen Radney-MacFarland, Mark Seifter
Release Year: 2019 (initial release), 2023 (remaster)
Cost: Free and comprehensive SRD available via the platform Archives of Nethys, free "Pathfinder Primer" abridged rulebook available via the Pathfinder Nexus (powered by Demiplane), Core books are priced $20 for PDFs and $30/$60 for print as a softcover/hardcover; a Beginner Box set with shortened soft-cover rules costs $45
Page Count: 464 (Player Core), 336 (GM Core), 376 (Monster Core), 160 (Combined Beginner Box Softcovers)
Website: https://paizo.com/pathfinder
Resolution Mechanic: 1d20 + Bonus Roll Over system, 5e-style advantage/disadvantage, four degrees of success based on result compared to target number.
Action Economy: Three action points per round; various actions may require more than one point; every character can use one reaction per round of combat.
Characters: Choice-based; players first pick an ancestry and a background and a class (the ABCs) and then tend to have meaningful choices after each level-up; levelling up with XP.
Setting: Important. Golarion, the game's setting, is a world that has been long in development and it shows; powerful magic and influential gods; very clear notions of what the societies of the various peoples of the world are like and how they should behave.
Other Noteworthy Mechanics: Balance between character classes and reliable combat challenge calculations are an important design goal; weight-based inventory system; archetype system for "multiclassing".
Degree of Support: Fantastic. Loads of content gets regularly produced by the game's publisher Paizo; the Pathfinder Infinite program (similar to D&D's Dungeon Master's Guild) provides lots of lore-compliant third-party content; uses the ORC third-party license for content produced outside of the Pathfinder Infinite program. Translations into other languages available but Paizo does not provide a comprehensive list of available languages (only German and French confirmed after brief personal research).
Addendum: The most popular and commercially successful of the listed games; but also by far the most complicated, though it is easier to GM for specificallty than 5e; also I dislike how certain feats create situations where fairly mundane actions get mechanics through these feats instead of being things you can generally do; anyway the reason why it's a 9 on a 1d8 table is because if you wanted to try out Pathfinder 2e you already would have and because while Paizo is better than WotC it's still a flawed big company.
...
So this was an exhausting little project. I hope you found this helpful and I hope you give at least one of these games a shot! A follow-up to this post is not out of the cards, but I don't plan on one.
Before we go, have this poll about which of these systems you're most looking forward to try! Shame it can only be open for one week...
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percentageweirdo · 1 year ago
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Fantasy High stats
A summary of statistics from season 1.
I have only counted d20 rolls, and only by the players as it is pretty much impossible to track Brennan's rolls. I only counted nat 20s, nat 1s and "other rolls" since the players do not consistently announce what they got on the die. I also kept track of advantage and disadvantage but I am sure some of those slipped by me unannounced.
ALL ROLLS:
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As you can see, the vast majority of rolls by the players are skill checks — just over 60%.
PERCENTAGE OF NAT 20s AND NAT 1s:
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This chart is really the star of the show! It is why I started this whole godforsaken mission in the first place.
NOTE: This chart is tracking percentage of each player's individual rolls! It is not representative of raw numbers, but instead each column is relative to that player's total d20 rolls this season.
For this one I factored in the advantage and disadvantage rolls, and any way you slice it Zac still rolls the most nat 20s by far.
What surprised me was that Ally rolls proportionally the most nat 1s. That has somehow not entered into the consciousness of the fandom at all, maybe because they roll the fewest dice so the raw number of nat 1s isn't the highest. Conversely, Emily rolls the fewest nat 1s! Murph has rolled more nat 20s than Lou, but he also rolled the most dice so he rolls proportionally fewer 20s.
ATTACK ROLLS:
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Gorgug and Fabian go toe to toe in most number of attacks made overall, and both get to make multiple attacks per turn. Riz shoots his arquebus a decent amount. Fig and Kristen barely attack, instead relying on spells that require saving throws. Adaine has some offensive spells, as well as an affinity for fisticuffs.
SKILL CHECKS:
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The players roll perception checks more often than any other kind of check, followed by insight and investigation. They don't make any nature or survival checks. As a mystery that takes place in a large town, that absolutely tracks.
ABILITY CHECKS and SAVES:
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Sometimes Brennan asks the players to make a check based on a prime ability score. Not very often though.
The saving throws the players make the most often are Dexterity and Wisdom. They don't roll any Intelligence saves.
DEATH SAVES:
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There is not a single nat 20 death save in Fantasy High season 1.
OTHER ROLLS:
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It is probable that Siobhan made 14 portent rolls — however, she only uses 13 of them. In the house party fight she rolls a d20 three times to see if she is able to use Blink. (Two succeed.) Lou and Emily each make a luck check this season, and in the finale Murph rolls to see if the police get there a total of 10 times. During the fight on the Bloodrush field Emily makes one joke roll to see how gross her spit is. And of course, Ally rolls an absolutely wild nat 20 in part 1 of the finale.
That's it for now! Follow for more Dimension 20 stats, and stay tuned for Bloodkeep.
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apuckishwit · 2 years ago
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Pining!Eddie and Wingman!Gareth
A preview of chapter 25 of Rolled a 1 on the Check, Rolled a 20 on the Save by APuckish_Wit on AO3
Eddie is awoken by sharp rapping on his front door, at an hour that is entirely too early to be conscious when he has nothing scheduled for the day.
He groans as he rolls over in bed, dislodging Gandalf from his back with a grumpy mrrow. He runs his hand over the cat’s head in apology, grabbing his phone from his nightstand and squinting at the screen. “The fuck?” he mumbles.
“Eddie! Eddie I know you’re in there! Open up!”
Gareth.
“The fuck,” he mumbles again, with more feeling this time, rolling out of the bed and not bothering to throw on a shirt over the boxers he slept in last night. If Gareth wants to bother him at ass o’clock in the morning, he can damn well deal with Eddie not feeling like getting dressed just yet. Smacking his lips and grimacing at the sticky crust of drool at the corners, he pads out to his living room and opens the door, scooping Gandalf off the floor with practiced ease when he makes his predictable break for the freedom of the hallway.
Why he wants to get out into the hallway is anyone’s guess, as he always immediately starts scratching and yowling to be let back in if Eddie closes the door behind him, but he tries every time.
“Dude, seriously? You couldn’t put some clothes on?” Gareth scoffs as he shoves past Eddie, not waiting for an invitation.
“You have literally seen me naked,” Eddie says, shutting the door and letting Gandalf slip from his arms.
“Not willingly!”
Yeah, it was kind of hard to get privacy in a studio apartment with a postage-stamp sized bathroom…but Gareth had been letting him couch surf there for free, so he hadn’t exactly been able to complain.
“So, not that I’m not happy to see you, but what errand is so momentous that it requires you to come knocking on my door at this obscene hour?” He shuffles into the kitchen and hits the switch on the coffeepot, before pulling the fridge open and examining the contents. “You want a bagel?” he asks after a moment, digging a bag of poppyseed bagels, some cream cheese, and strawberry jam out.
“Nah, I ate on the way over,” Gareth says. He’s making himself at home at Eddie’s small kitchen table, pulling notebooks, pens, and highlighters out of his messenger bag. Eddie raises an eyebrow, propping his hip against the counter while he waits for his bagel to toast.
“Are we doing homework?”
Gareth spins a pencil in his fingers the way he used to spin his drumsticks, stabbing it towards Eddie with a determined glint in his eye. “Yes. We are coming up with a gameplan to figure out if you have a shot with Steve.”
Eddie blinks. “We’re doing what now?”
“You heard me. You’re pining, Munson. Like, I haven’t seen you down this bad for someone since Jackson.”
Eddie winces at the mention of his ex—his longest relationship to date, the man he’d been considering introducing to Wayne. He’d been ready to talk about moving in together, maybe even getting engaged, when Jackson had blindsided him by taking a job overseas. Hadn’t even talked to him, first, hadn’t even told Eddie he was considering it. He’d tried to spin it as not wanting to be influenced on such a big decision about his future. His future, not their future.
Yeah, they hadn’t lasted long after that.
Gareth’s face softens a little. “Sorry,” he says, voice sincere and contrite. “But the point stands.”
“Gar,” Eddie sighs, raking a hand back through the tangles of his hair. “We’ve talked about this. He had a long-term girlfriend—like, high school sweethearts shit. He hasn’t said anything, but I’m pretty sure he’d have married her if she hadn’t broken it off with him.”
“Valid data, but not conclusive,” Gareth counters. “Jeff had a couple long-term girlfriends too, and he and Aidan are going strong. Also bi people exist, Eddie.”
“I know that! And Jeff was so far in the closet before he met us, he was having tea with Mr. Tumnus,” Eddie says with an affectionate laugh. “Steve does not give me that vibe. The closet vibe or the bi vibe.” He fixes a couple of coffees to his and Gareth’s liking, and then sits down across from Gareth with his breakfast. He takes a couple morose bites of his bagel. “Dude, look. I appreciate it. I really do. But I did the whole ‘falling for straight boys’ thing in high school and it never brought me anything good. Steve’s a really great friend. I’m fine with that.”
Gareth tilts his head, staring at Eddie with narrowed eyes. “Uh huh. Anyway, so Jeff, Aidan, and I went back and watched all your streams with him. Side note, Aidan thinks he sounds hot, is he hot? I don’t care, but Jeff and Aidan really wanted to know.”
“So hot,” Eddie sighs, though he doesn’t mention how he knows. That video was public knowledge, but he doesn’t feel like getting teased for cyberstalking. “Like…he’s beautiful, man.”
“Mmhmm,” Gareth hums, making a notation on his notebook. Eddie huffs, reaching across the table to grab the top of his pencil.
“Gareth, seriously. I love you so much for what you’re trying to do, but there’s no point. I’ll get over him, eventually.”
“Ah, but you haven’t heard my rationale, yet.”
“Oh, there’s a rationale? Do tell.”
“I will. And that rationale is…we think he’s flirting with you, too.” It’s not quite a record-scratch moment, but it comes pretty close. Eddie freezes, staring at his best friend. Gareth smirks at him, leaning back in his chair. “Yup. All three of us. We watched all the streams you’ve put up, and we each wrote down any time we thought Steve was doing something we’d interpret as flirty and when we compared notes, they were almost identical. And that’s not even counting all the people in your views who think there’s something going on between you two.”
“You…you guys ran an experiment about this?” Eddie asks slowly, unsure if he’s grateful or horrified that his friends care so much about his (non-existent) love life.
Gareth waves him off. “Sort of. Point is, as two men in a committed relationship and one man who spent a not-insignificant amount of time in high school trying to sus out if people were serious or just messing with you when they were making eyes at you—we think this bears further investigation.”
Gandalf curls around Eddie’s legs, meowing pitifully until Eddie picks him up and swipes a smear of cream cheese onto his thumb for Gandalf to lick. “I don’t know,” he says, voice wavering even to his own ears. “I feel like I would have noticed if Steve was flirting with me.”
Gareth snorts into his coffee. “You absolutely would not. You put the moves on anything with a pulse, but you’re always shocked as fuck when anyone reciprocates.”
And that’s…okay, yeah, that’s a fair point. Still, Gareth doesn’t have to say it out loud and shit. “Rude,” he mutters, taking a drink of his coffee.
“But accurate. So, how ‘bout it?” Gareth hovers his pencil over the notebook, waggling his eyebrows. “Even if we’re wrong, at least you’ll know.”
Eddie gnaws on his lip a moment, scratching behind Gandalf’s ears. There are a myriad of reasons not to rock the boat—not least of which is the fact that he’s still not convinced Steve is anything but straight. That—that would’ve come up in their conversations at some point by now, wouldn’t it? And even if he’s not, how compatible are there lives, really? They live on opposite sides of the country, and Steve seems pretty set on building a life in Chicago.
Not that—not that Eddie’s, like, super invested in Seattle. He can do the work he does anywhere, really, and Chicago is a hell of a lot closer to Wayne. Not that…whoa, not that he needs to be thinking in those terms right now. Or ever, really.
Just…
He thinks of how easy it is to talk to Steve. How much he likes reading to him, listening to him ramble about how his favorite teams are doing in their playoffs as he putters around in his kitchen. How much Steve seems to like listening to him go off on any of the subjects that have caught his attention, asking thoughtful questions and remembering important points weeks later. They are so, so different, but they just mesh, making room for each other in their lives and being happy with the space they each take up, and all without ever having met face to face.
He shouldn’t encourage Gareth. He is rapidly realizing that Steve is pretty much everything he’s ever wanted in a man, but he is not lucky enough for life to have just dropped someone like that in his lap and have an actual chance with them. Life only works that way in his stories and games.
Still…would it hurt to know for sure? If—if there is a chance that Steve would reciprocate his feelings.
Oh holy fuck, if he did reciprocate…
“What do you have in mind?” he asks, leaning forward as Gareth’s grin turns as pleased as a cat who’s caught the canary.
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psychhound · 6 months ago
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yall i was searching for something in my google docs and just found possibly the funniest d&d homebrew i couldve ever made i dont remember this at all but im weeping
HEY DO YOU WANT SOME UH,,, ALLERGIES
IF YOU WANT YOUR CHARACTERS TO HAVE ALLERGIES HERE YOU GO
choose a number of allergy triggers from this list: 
specific animals 
specific foods 
plants and plant-based spells or effects 
specific materials or magical items
monster types (beasts, celestials, dragons, etc) 
magical damage types 
specific spells 
specific magical effects 
schools of magic 
spellcasting classes or subclasses 
choose between hay fever, nausea, or anaphylaxis for each allergen  
upon exposure to the allergen, make a DC 10 constitution saving throw. on a successful save there is no effect. on a failed save refer to your chosen allergy symptom 
hay fever: you enter the poisoned condition. your sneezing alerts enemies within 300 feet to your presence. you can make a DC 15 con save at the end of each of your turns to remove this condition 
nausea: you enter the poisoned condition. you must pass a DC 10 con save at the beginning of each of your turns in order to take bonus actions and movement, and beat a DC 15 in order to take actions. on a con save of 20 or higher the condition is removed 
anaphylaxis: you enter the incapacitated condition. you must pass a DC 10 con save at the beginning of each of your turns or your movement speed is halved. on a con save of 5 or lower you enter the stunned condition. on a con save of 20 or higher the condition is removed 
if you are under the allergy symptom condition and roll a natural 1 on a con save, you immediately enter unconsciousness but are stable and do not make death saves 
lesser restoration, protection from poison, and lay on hands all remove the allergy condition. protection from poison does grant advantage on allergy saving throws 
THERE YOU HAVE IT ????? ENJOY ........ THIS.
(for more 5e homebrew including free disability stuff check my pinned!!)
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darlingdia1007 · 4 months ago
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OMG hi I saw that you ate taking requests and I just HAD to request.
Could you maybe do a Stanley x F! Reader where they are an old married couple and resder is angry about something and keeps cussing and being a meanie. The twins are scared and looking at grunkle stan for help about this and to calm Reader down before she sets the shack on fire but Stanley just says this is normal and he intact finds it incredibly hot.😜😜
Beating the heat
(Thank you for requesting this one. It seems very silly honestly. I do apologize, it’s been a while since I’ve written a fanfic.)
It was around 1:30pm when the temperatures had reached its highest of 105° degrees and the AC wasn’t working correctly in the shack. Stepping outside wasn’t the best idea either since the wind would only blow hot air.
Stan and his wife were sitting at the kitchen table as they began debating if they should close the shack since it would become a bigger issue as the day went on. This heat was slowly getting to (Y/N) very quickly. Placing her hand on the collar of her shirt, she began to fan herself with her shirt. Beads of sweat slowly moved down her face as the breeze she created felt amazing.
“Even when you’re melting over there, I bet I can Make you melt in other ways~” a scraggly voice said in front of you. Stan had made one of his “flirty” remarks at you. Most of the time you would love them and shoot one back his way, but dear lord was it a bad time. “Hun, Right now isn’t the best time.” She said as she looked at him and rolled her eyes. This heat was really getting to her now. “Oh come on, you love that one!” He remarked as he got up from his chair.
Sometimes, even after the 30 years the two had been together, married, she could still get mad at him for reals sometimes. This was one of these moments. Getting up from her chair, she had quickly put your chair back into its place and entered the gift shop. An Idea that would probably save her life but she couldn’t do it till everyone was out of the gift shop.
Reaching for the open sign, she switched it to closed as to let people know they will be closed for the rest of the day. Now the only issue was getting people to leave the gift shop. Sitting herself down at the register, she began helping people pay out one by one. Around 20 minutes later, the last customer left. She smiled and waved goodbye to the woman and hurriedly locked the door.
A sign of relief left her lips as she ran a hand through her graying hair. Stepping away from the door, she went to the vending machine and began typing in the familiar code as she made her way down the stairs.
—————————————————————
“Grunkle stan, Why does Grauntie (Y/N) seem… mad?” Mabel had squeaked out from around the corner when leaving the gift shop and entered the living room where her grunkle was seated while watching the TV. “Mad? What do you mean kiddo?” He looked at Mabel in confusion when Dipper came from behind his sister. “She was all pushy and grouchy towards the customers when she was checking them out. She was also sweating pretty hard.” He wiped the sweat from his hands as he soon realized it was getting a little hot.
Stan sat there for a sec and an idea popped into his head, “Kids, go get your swim suits, we’re going to the pool.” Shouts of excitement lept from the kids.
——————————————————————
“Ford… hello?” She had made it to the last couple of steps as she placed her foot on the solid floor. It was surprisingly cold down here so the biggest smile crept onto her face. Standing next to the stairs, she closed her eyes and embraced the cold that was creeping over her body. Unknowingly to her, her brother-in-law heard her and was walking towards her. “Yes?” He asked as he looked at her.
“Oh good, you’re here! I need to ask the biggest favor.” She pleaded as she looked at him. “The AC is broken and I have no clue what’s wrong with it. Could you please save me and fix it? I’ll make you those sugar cookies you really like.”
His attention was quickly caught on when he heard that his favorite dessert was about to be made for him. “I’ll get right to it then.” A small smile was placed on her face as she began to go up the stairs when she heard a familiar voice that she was a little annoyed at.
“(Y/N) are you down here? Honey?” It was Stan. Her smile left her face when heard her husband calling her name. Finally making it to the surface, she came face to face with him. “God you look so hot when you’re feisty.” He quickly grabbed her and spun her around. She couldn’t be mad at him for long after that. A small kiss was placed on her lips as she held onto him, slowly melting at the affectionate she was being given from him.
“See, I told you I could make you melt.” He laughed as her face quickly became sour and pushed him away. “What? I can’t like my women a little feisty?! Hey, go get your bathing suit, I’m taking you and the kids to go swimming to beat this heat.” He began walking back to the living room as (Y/N) stood there at the small gesture.
Walking upstairs to their bedroom, the sounds of floorboard creaked as she made her way to their shared bedroom. Quickly reaching to the dresser to pull out her swimsuit, she placed it on the bed and grabbed the sunscreen, sunglasses, and the beach bag. Everything was packed and ready for the pool. The sounds of laughter could be heard from the outside porch as the twins were talking to each other. Mabel seemed to be the most excited out of the two of them though.
“Honey, we gotta be home before 5, I still need to make the cookies I promised your brother.” You had said as Stan walked out in his swimsuit. Those adorable striped swimsuits would never get old.
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katewritesthings · 1 year ago
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Love Me Like I Can // Chapter 2
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Chapter 2 // How to Touch a Girl
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•warnings: Cursing. Cheating. Sexual Situations. Drinking. Drug use. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.
The first time Diana woke up the morning after her birthday was actual torture, she was sure. The need to empty her bladder caused her to wake far earlier than she would have liked, early morning light barely making it through the blackout curtains that decorated her bedroom. The redhead carefully disentangled herself from the limbs of her sister and friend and climbed out of bed, grabbing her phone from beside her on the bed. Making her way to the ensuite bathroom, Diana immediately regretted unlocking her device for two reasons. First the dull ache in her head made itself known the second the light hit her eyes in contrast to the dark bathroom. 6:21 AM . Second, was a series of text messages from a number not saved to her phone that she decided could wait before she absolutely exploded. After washing her hands and splashing cold water on her face, Diana braced herself and opened the text thread.
+1(617)-555-1425 9:36 PM    you look sooo good in your IG pics 11:15 PM ugh i wish i was with you rn 12:20 AM cmon di. dont be a btich text me back 1:37 AM Ungrateful bitch.  2:39 AM   i see. youre out there fuckin with someone new. Thats  wh you wont text me back. He’ll just get bored of you like I did.  2:41 AM How long before he starts fucking yor sister 
Disappointed that the Boston area code and the content of messages meant the sender was clear, Diana quickly locked her phone and dropped it on the counter. She couldn’t deal with Connor right now. Leaving her phone in the bathroom, Diana crawled back into bed, thankful that she insisted on a “sleepover” last night and wasn’t alone to spiral.
The second time Diana woke up was slightly better than the first. She was alone in bed and her headache eased to a dull thumping, a glass of water on her bedside table. Emptying the glass in one go, Diana searched for her phone. A string of curses rang through her head when she remembered the reason that it was not beside her. After a dramatic sigh, she forced herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She turned on the light, looked in the mirror for the first time that day, and groaned out loud. Light reddish-purple bruises littering her neck and collarbone were visible under the sports bra she was wearing.
Annoyed with herself, Diana picked up her phone and checked the time: 12:12 PM. When she unlocked the device the messages from Connor were still open on the screen. While the reason for his vitriol was now apparent, clues painted on her skin, it didn’t make it justified. ‘It wasn’t like I had sex with Joe,’ she thought, ‘ And even if I had, I’m single and can fuck who I want. 
Diana blocked the number but kept the text thread to show Biz later and moved on to check her other notifications, some birthday wishes from people who couldn't make it last night and a missed call from Cathy at 9:30. Diana decided could give her manager a call back later and was replying to all of the messages and comments as she walked into the kitchen of the apartment she shared with her sister.
Biz, who was standing at the stove cooking bacon and French toast, spoke as Diana walked in eyes glued to her phone. “Gooood Morning beautiful, Happy actual birthday,” the younger woman sang in a joking manner. “Taylor left, she had to catch a flight for the awards tonight.” She paused a minute before excitedly saying, “There was a delivery for you this morning.”
Diana looked up at her last statement, confused even more at the smirk on the brunette’s face. “What delivery?”
Biz didn't respond except for pointing her spatula towards the living room, signaling Diana to investigate. Rolling her eyes, Diana did as she was told, walking farther down the hall to figure out what her sister was talking about.
She was not expecting multiple bouquets of roses placed in every nook and cranny they would fit to be decorating the living room. “What the fuck,” she muttered to herself, making her way toward the largest bouquet on the coffee table in the center of the room, silently counting the number of arrangements. Nine. 
‘What a strange number,’ she thought as she picked up the card attached to the large bundle of roses, looking out of place on the coffee table next to her TV remote.
Tried to get your number Cathy with no luck. Now who’s curving who? 513-555-6947 JB
Warmth filled Diana’s body as she reread the card for the third time, trying to make sense of it. Pulling up Cathy’s contact information on her phone and pressing call, she turned to see Bizz in the doorway smiling like the Cheshire Cat. 
“Soooo… who are those from?” Her tone gave her away, she already read the card.
“Fuck off,” Diana mouthed just as Cathy answered her phone, turning back to the flowers. “Cathy Allred,” the older woman answered cheerfully. “Hey, Cath, this is Di. I was just giving you a call back and wondering if you knew why there were 10 gigantic floral arrangements in my living room?” Diana greeted, attempting to keep her annoyance at her sister out of her voice.
Cathy’s throaty laugh came through the speaker and Di could imagine her expression was the same one that Biz was wearing. “Oh, honey. That handsome football player from last night was leaving messages at the buttcrack of dawn trying to weasel your number out of me. When I told him that I couldn’t clear that without your direct consent, he asked if he could send flowers to our office and have them forwarded to you if security approved the message. We just didn’t expect 9 separate bouquets.”
Diana was in shock. She couldn’t remember the last time she had received flowers unrelated to work.
“Well, uh, thank you, Cathy. That’s all I wanted. I’ll talk to you Wednesday,” Diana ended the phone call, still staring blankly at the literal dozens of roses sitting in her house. “Soooooo,” Biz’s voice came out in her signature sing-songy tone.  “Are ya gonna text him?” 
Diana bit her lip. “Well, I guess I should, right?”
She could feel her anxiety creeping up in the back of her mind, almost like frost crystallizing on glass in the winter. The first voices of self-doubt were beginning to scream you’re not good enough for him and he’s only going to break your heart when a hand on Diana’s shoulder refocused her.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Di,” Biz’s comforting words filled her ears. “He’s a really hot guy who is into you, so I’d say go for it. Texting him doesn’t mean you’re getting married next month, babe. But you were humping his leg like a dog in heat last night, so it probably would be proper etiquette to at least acknowledge his existence.” As was exiting the room laughing at her own joke as she said the last part. Diana rolled her eyes and thought about her sister’s advice. Joe really was an attractive man and all signs were pointing to him being attracted to her. Their physical chemistry last night had been off the charts and even though they didn’t discuss anything super deep, she was engrossed in the conversation, always wanting to hear what Joe had to say next. She was going to do it, she was going to text him.
She added his number to her phone and began debating how to start the conversation. After drafting and redrafting the generic ‘Hi! It’s Diana” messages for nearly two minutes, she finally settled on one that would let Joe know who she was.
Joe (Quarterback) 12:32 PM    you left before saying bye last night, i’d say you’re still curving me.
Phone in hand, Diana made her way toward the smell of brunch. Before she could even make it to the breakfast nook her phone buzzed in her hands signifying she had received a text.
Tee wasn’t feeling great, I had to dash. Let me make it up to you. I’m in NYC until Monday night.
Butterflies filled Diana’s stomach as her eyes scanned the messages she had just received. Joe didn’t leave the party because he was embarrassed by their hookup like her anxiety had been trying to convince her. He had a legitimate reason and he wanted to see her again to make up for it. Before she could let her nerves stop her, she fired off a reply to Joe
i’ll hold you to it. 😜 i’m free all day tomorrow.
 Diana didn’t even get a chance to lock her phone before a new message appeared on her screen.
Not anymore. Lunch?
She wasn’t sure if it was nerves or hunger making her stomach turn the way it was, so she decided to load up her plate before responding. 
After eating a decent amount of brunch and taking a well-needed shower, Diana was lounging in her bed, Parks and Recreation on in the background, staring at Joe’s texts. So many conflicting thoughts were running through her head about what her response should be. As much as she wanted to see Joe again, she couldn’t shake the feeling of fear. Sure Joe seemed nice, but Connor seemed nice enough at first. She knew her ex had just sent the hateful texts to get under skin, but he knew which blows hit the hardest.
“Biiiiiiz! Come in here!” she shouted from her spot on the bed, in a frustrated squeal.
“What’s the matter?” The brunette questioned, popping her head through the door. “I think I agreed to hang out with Joe tomorrow and I’m scared,” Diana whined, dragging out the vowels in the word ‘scared’.
A snort came from Biz as she made her way fully into the room. “He’s a man, Di, not a monster. Why are you scared?”
Diana knew this was the moment that she should share that Connor had texted her this morning, but for some reason, she couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. Instead, what came out was a pitiful gasp for air that made Biz by surprise.
“Just, what if I’m supposed to be more healed than I am,” Diana breathed, tears in her eyes. “Like, what if Joe turns out to be as good as he seems? Doesn’t he deserve more than this heartbroken version of me? I’m barely myself again, Biz.”
“I think you should at least hang out with him and see where it goes. Worst comes to worst, you guys know you’re physically into each other,” Biz teased. Diana rolled her eyes, “What if he’s expecting to fuck and I’m not ready?” Biz shot her sister a look. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Di. But let’s be real, you need to get dicked down. How long has it been?” Diana rolled her eyes again, not wanting to acknowledge she was currently on the longest dry spell she’d ever had. Things in the bedroom aspect of her relationship with Connor never really met her standards, always dissatisfied. The past six months of their relationship had consisted of barely any intimacy, Connor claiming he wasn’t attracted to Diana at the moment. Turns out, he was just getting his needs met by her best friend. “You’re right,” Diana gave in, texting Joe back.
1:26 PM deal, burrow. tomorrow at noon. Italian or Mexican? Shit. Just got word that public restaurants are a no-go. its okay. we can do pizza and sweets at my place
A new fear ran through Diana’s head as soon as she heard the “swoosh” sound from her head. “What if-” Diana was cut off by her sister throwing a pillow at her face. “Shut up,” Biz said in a more serious tone than before. “I get that you’re nervous, but stop coming up with these what-ifs. Smoke about it and attempt to channel your thoughts into something productive.” With that, Biz left the room.
Diana knew her sister was right. Not only did she tend to handle her anxiety better if she was channeling it into something productive, but she was behind on writing. Cathy had told her that the songwriters she was meeting with on Wednesday were expecting the start of at least six new songs and at this point, Diana only had four songs, three of which were fragments.
Lighting a preroll from her bedside table, Diana reached for her notebook, anxiety still at full force. As she hit the joint, she began to scribble down the thoughts that were looping in her head in an attempt to get them to stop.
I know that I’m better than this heartbroken version of me What if he can't compete with the things that I'm scared of that keep love from me? I get so attached and when it ends and the comedown hits I just end up hating me The energy that it takes to be somebody’s somebody just ain’t in me.
After she had stubbed out her joint, the voice of Diana’s anxiety had dulled to a whisper and her mood had lifted considerably. When Diana looked up from her notebook and checked her phone she saw two new messages from Joe.
Awesome. Can’t wait to see you.
What are you up to?
Smiling to herself, her fingers glided across the screen to type out that she was writing, hoping it could turn into a song and returning the question. Joe must have had his phone in hand because within record time her phone was signaling a new message.
Just left lunch with the guys, can I call you?
The butterflies from earlier had returned with a vengeance accompanied by a warm flush taking over her body. Within seconds of replying with an affirmative text, her phone was ringing in her hand indicating she was receiving a FaceTime call from Joe. “Hello,” she greeted hesitantly, internally cringing at her appearance in the camera. Her long hair was still wet from the shower and braided into Dutch braids down the side of her head and she had placed two star pimple patches on her forehead and chin, not expecting to see anyone but Biz. “Hey! You look great,” Joe responded, white smile beaming at Diana. He appeared to be sitting against a hotel headboard, dressed in a black Bengals hoodie. 
“No one likes a liar, Joe,” Diana smiled. “Wasn’t expecting a video call.”
“I just needed to make sure you were who you said you were,” Joe countered, smile turning into a playful grin. “Can’t be making plans to hang out with some rando, you know.” Diana rolled her eyes and placed her notebook on her bedside table, the action drawing Joe’s attention. “I’m sure girls are tripping over their own feet to eat lunch with you,” Diana let out a small laugh. “Unfortunately for you, I am myself and you have agreed to hang out with me. Now, if you’ll agree after this time, that’s a question for another day.” “Oh, yeah. What makes you say that?” Joe quirked an eyebrow, a grin still covering his beautiful mouth.
“Well, first of all, we’re getting pineapple on our pizza. Second of all, I planned on finishing my puzzle tomorrow, so you’re now getting roped into that.”
Laughter filled the speakers before Joe’s voice said, “Well, first things first, pineapple on pizza is the right decision… But a puzzle, really? What are you, 73?”
Diana was pleasantly surprised at the ease of carrying on a conversation with Joe. She had assumed that alcohol had lubricated their last interaction, but the way the conversation flowed for the next hour proved that wrong. Joe teasing her for doing puzzles led them to talk about their other hobbies which led to them talking about what started them on their careers.
“Yeah, so I’m hoping to be back by preseason, but there’s no guarantee. I just feel like I’m letting the team and the fans down, y’know,” Joe finished explaining his injury, something Diana had known the bare minimum about before this conversation. Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked to the side. “Sorry to overwhelm you.”
“No, please don’t ever apologize for sharing your emotions, Joe. You can’t hold everything in because you’re afraid of being judged.” Diana’s heart tugged for a moment, imagining how Joe must feel after the season he had last year. She wanted to make sure he knew that she was someone he could share with even if this went nowhere.
“Okay,” Joe nodded, but still changing the subject, “So, what about you? Any new music I get to look forward to?”
Diana rolled her eyes but smiled. Connor was never interested in her career, implying that the music his band made was better and more meaningful. It felt nice to have someone who wasn’t her sister inquire about the progress she was making on her new album. “Actually, I have a few writing sessions over the next few weeks with my label and some producers and start recording some new stuff in March. We’re planning on turning the EP into an extended into a standard album” “Oh, yeah? Do you have a lot of material?” Joe asked, seeming genuinely interested in the answer. “Uh, actually, I didn’t. I’ve been writing a lot recently, though, so hopefully..” Diana trailed off, hoping the heat on her cheeks didn’t show up on Joe’s end of the video call. It was embarrassing enough to admit to herself that she had been more inspired since Joe appeared in her life than she had been in six years, but she’d die if he figured it out.
After a few more minutes of talking, one of Joe’s teammates knocked on his door causing Joe to get off the phone. They had been on the phone for an hour, but Diana was sure she could have talked to him for three more. Diana spent the rest of her night watching the Grammys on her couch. Diana’s team still thought it was best if she stayed home this year as Connor’s band was up for nomination and they wanted to avoid as many headlines about the two as they could. They insisted that Diana stream from home and interact with fans while the awards were happening, which worked out okay in her book. She had fun posting on her Instagram stories rooting for the artist she was friends or a fan of, secretly rejoicing when Bedford Scrolls lost the award they were up for. The fact that she was able to hang out with Joe because she stayed home was definitely, absolutely, not the main reason.
—-----------------------------
If there is one thing that will never change about Diana Hayes, it’s that she’s not a morning person. Or a “before 1 PM” person, really. So when her alarm went off at 10 this morning, she wanted to press snooze with everything in her being. That was until she actually looked at her phone and noticed the text notifications on her home screen. She had the normal business updates in her team group chat, but that wasn’t the one that caught Diana’s attention.
Joe (Quarterback) 7:01 AM Is there a specific dress code today?
A smile crossed Diana’s lips, relieved that he wasn’t canceling on her. Tapping a reply out on her phone, she got out of bed and headed towards her bathroom. 
10:02 AM whatever you’re comfortable in. i plan on restarting game of thrones today.
Diana busied herself by turning on her shower and adjusting the water temperature before her phone buzzed on the counter.
Sweats it is. 
Good choice on shows. Don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m King In The North 😉
Diana responded with an eye roll emoji before telling Joe she would see him at noon and entering the shower. She took her time in the shower, excitement bubbling in her stomach at the uncertainty of what the afternoon held. It had been ages since she had been on a first date, if this even was one, she wasn’t sure what protocol was anymore.
An hour and twenty minutes, one pair of shaved legs, and a fight with a hair dryer later Diana was freaking out. Joe would be here in less than an hour and she was regretting everything. He’s going to make fun of me, Diana thought to herself, he’s going to come over, think I’m weird, and then make fun of me to his friends. Adjusting her position on the couch, Diana brought her hands up to pick at her lips, an anxious habit she’d had since a child. 
Before her fingers could even make contact with her mouth, Biz’s hand swatted it away, an amused look on her face.
“You told me to stop you from picking!” Biz held up her arms in defense, “I just wanted to remind you to tag the bakery the croissants are from on Insta before I leave.”
Biz was driving back to Philadelphia with Eli for the day, giving Diana and Joe the apartment alone for the day. After Biz made her way out of the door, Diana busied herself taking pictures for her social media posts, starting the first episode of Game of Thrones, and snacking on the sweets that had been delivered while she was in the shower. Before she knew it her phone was ringing, Joe’s name flashing across the screen. 
“Hey,” Diana greeted, standing to pace in the living room. 
“Hey,” Joe responded, “I’m about to get in the elevator, I just wanted to let you know I’m almost there.”
“Okay. Once you get to the 14th floor, we’re on the right. See you in a minute.”
Moments later, Diana was opening the front door of her apartment, eyes scanning over Joe’s body. He was dressed in a tie-dyed blue and purple, Space Jam crewneck and a pair of gray sweats. She had never understood before when her friends had talked about men in gray sweats, but seeing Joe had shown her the light.
“Hey,” Diana finally found her voice, gesturing for him to walk in the door.
“Hey, again,” Joe joked, making his way past Diana to stand in the entryway. Closing the door, Diana met Joe’s eyes and felt her face heat up. 
“So, I have uhm, some pastries and fruit in the living room if you want to go in there. I’m like halfway through the first episode of Game of Thrones if you want to go watch.” Diana’s voice came out quicker than normal, nerves filling the space between the butterflies in her stomach.
Joe shook his head with a grin. “Alright. That sounds great to me.”
The pair made their way past the kitchen and into the living room, Diana waving her arm in the direction of the couch. “Make yourself comfortable. What do you want to drink?”
“Water sounds great, thanks,” Joe answered, walking to the corner of the couch. When she returned, Joe had sat down and was taking in the surroundings of Diana’s living space. The room was the same cream color that most high-end rentals are nowadays, sectional taking up most of the space. A coffee table in front held Diana’s laptop, a plate with croissants, cinnamon rolls, and strawberries, a glass of water, and two of the flower arrangements that Joe sent her the day before. The sectional was up against a full wall picture window, sage green blinds pulled halfway across and faced a flat screen TV that was paused on an image of Daenerys Targaryen walking into a steaming bath. 
“I know it’s plain, but we’re only staying here temporarily,” Diana said referring to the room they were in, her presence startling Joe.
“Oh. Planning on moving soon?” Joe inquired, pulling himself deeper into the couch. Diana set the glasses down on the coffee table and sat down next to Joe, leaving about a foot of space between them.
“Kind of? I wanted to stay in New York until the tour starts and then Biz and I were going to look at houses,” Diana said in response, “I don’t necessarily want to settle down in a huge city, but I can’t imagine myself going back to Philly.”
“Did you hate it there or something?” Joe seemed genuinely intrigued about Diana’s plans, which was something that surprised her. She had only really known him for 36 hours and she was ready to tell him everything.
“Only since my dad died,” Diana said, instantly followed with, “Oh my god. That was so depressing. Ignore me.” 
“You’re fine. It’s the real reason,” Joe chuckled, “I’ll quit interrogating you.”
The two talked a little more about Joe’s flight back to Cincinnati at 9 and the Grammys that happened the night before, somehow landing on their Game of Thrones opinions. 
“I won’t deny that she’s completely batshit insane, yes. But she’s one of the best characters!” Diana said, excitedly of Cersei. “That’s not what you said, you said she was your favorite character,” Joe countered, “Which, if it is true, is wild.”
Diana laughed as she brought her legs onto the couch and crossed them crisscross-applesauce. The space that had previously existed between her and Joe disappeared, her knee pressing into his thigh. Attempting to ignore the heat that was making its way up her neck, Diana leaned forward and grabbed the remote. “Just watch it from my perspective,” she said before pressing play.
The rest of the first episode and the entire second one played while Diana and Joe snacked and gave commentary on what was happening in the show. Between episodes, Diana had readjusted, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over herself. She wasn’t sure when it happened, but sometime around the opening credits of the third episode after she had ordered pizza, she found herself pressed into Joe’s side with his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Within fifteen minutes of that, Diana found herself straddling Joe, hands on either side of his face, lips moving in sync with his. Joe’s right hand found its way to her hair as her lips traveled to the hair on his jawline.
“I like this scruff,” Diana panted between kisses, starting at his chin and making her way back up to the sensitive spot beneath his ear. Joe’s left hand traveled to her waist, reaching under her t-shirt and making contact with her bare skin. “I’ll keep that in mind,” just loud enough for Diana to hear. Diana ground her hips into his lap, feeling him harden beneath her and his hand traveled to her breast, massaging it eagerly.
They continued kissing a moment longer until Joe grabbed hold of Diana and laid her down on the couch. His lips found her neck and he asked, “Is this okay?” as he shifted his weight to not crush the woman below him, his left hand returned to its place under her shirt. “Take this off,” Joe said, gesturing to the material. Diana complied. “Couldn’t be better,” Diana sighed as Joe nipped lightly at her collarbone, tongue following shortly after his teeth.
“I’m sure there’s always room for improvement,” his voice laced with lust and arrogance. Just as Diana was about to ask what he meant, Joe’s hand moved from her breast to the waistband of her sweatpants.
With a nod of Diana’s head, Joe’s hand dipped beneath the waistband of both her sweatpants long fingers gently brushing her clit through her panties. A soft moan left Diana’s lips as she leaned forward to connect her lips to Joe’s again. His fingers teased her, using his thumb and forefinger to play with the material separating him from her core. Lifting her hips hoping Joe would get the hint, she pressed her core firmly against his fingers.
“More,” she breathed. Joe pulled the fabric aside and his fingers were instantly met with the slick wetness of Diana’s arousal. Sliding his middle finger along her slit, he brought it up to her clit and began to rub. Pleasure clouded Diana’s thoughts, Joe’s voice asking her if he could take her pants off barely making it through haze. She lifted her hips and pulled the material down her legs as Joe sat up, tugging his shirt over his head.
Joe stared at her for a moment, taking in the sight in front of him. Laying in only her black lace panties, Diana was too busy enjoying her own view to shy away from the hunger Joe was staring at her with. Joe was clearly a man who took care of his body and it showed. She was in awe.
Before Diana could process the definition of his muscles, Joe had resumed his position next to her, covering her lips with another kiss. Then, without hesitation, he took her left nipple in her mouth. Diana moaned again, arousal red hot between her legs. It wasn’t long until Joe’s mouth began moving downward again, leaving kisses until he got to Diana’s hip bones.
“Can I?” Joe asked, staring up hungrily at Diana. Hesitant, Diana thought it over for a second. She had only received oral three times in her past relationship as her ex had found numerous reasons to avoid the act, most of them criticisms of Diana. Everything from she was unattractive to she was too picky when it came to the way he did it. Trying to shake thoughts of her ex from her head, Diana reassured herself that every signal Joe had given her had proved he wanted to do this. Finally, she nodded her head.
Wasting no time after getting her consent, Joe placed his lips around Diana’s clit and began sucking. Instinctively, her hips bucked into him, eager for more pleasure. Diana felt Joe smile into her skin, then a finger slid into her while he continued to suck and lick at her.  After some movement, Joe added another finger, pausing a moment to help her get used to the width.
Diana tried to clear her mind, looking down at the man between her legs. His fingers were moving inside of her, curling to hit a spot inside of her that she seemed rather receptive to the first time he hit it. A warm tension was pooling in the pit of her stomach as she tried to clear any insecurities from her mind. “Fuck..” Joe’s mouth drew another slow moan out of Diana’s mouth. She leaned forward, propping herself up on her elbows. “As amazing as this feels- fuck. I don’t think that I’ll be able to- holy shit!- finish this way.” Joe pulled his face away from her core, licking his lips and shaking his head. “I think you underestimate my determination,” he stated. Not breaking eye contact, he dipped his head back down and placed another kiss on her clit and added another finger to the ones busy between her folds.
Joe’s hands and mouth continued in unison to work their magic until moments later when tension in her core began to build towards a peak and her body convulsed. She brought her hand to her mouth and bit down lightly as Joe’s teeth lightly grazed her clit. He used his free hand to rest against her hip bones, trying to hold her in place so he could help bring her to climax. Releasing her clit from his mouth, began to move his fingers with more purpose, trying to match the pace that Diana was trying to set. 
“Fuck. Fuck! Joe, I think I’m going to-” Diana was cut off by her orgasm. Joe continued to pump his fingers into her as he peppered kisses on her forehead. Warmth radiated through her body, starting at her core and rippling from her head to her toes. “That’s right, baby. Just let it happen,” he encouraged as Diana let herself give in to the sensation. 
Taking a deep breath and opening her eyes, Diana was staring into Joe’s blue eyes. “Thank you. I promise you did not need to do that” Diana whispered, trying not to let her nerves get the best of her. “I didn’t have to, I wanted to,” his response helped ease her worries. “Besides, I didn’t want to not live up to what was advertised,” he joked, referencing the interview Ja’Marr had given. Just then, the doorbell rang indicating that the pizza they delivered had arrived. 
An hour later, Joe and Diana had devoured an entire pizza and had spent the entire time deep in conversation. Trying to avoid bringing up what just happened, Diana kept the topics focused on friends and growing up. She learned about Joe’s parents and his brothers and heard what it was like to grow up in a relatively small town in Ohio, while she told Joe about how she grew up in Philadelphia, her mom leaving before she turned 10, and her dad passing away a few years ago. It felt almost relieving to have someone ask questions about the things she actually cared about.
It wasn’t long before Joe’s phone started ringing from its spot on the coffee table. Joe stood up and walked out of the room to take the call. It was a quarter till six, meaning that Joe’s flight left in less than 5 hours. Diana’s head began swimming with contradicting thoughts, sad that he had to leave soon and fear of what that meant.
When Joe ended the call, he walked back into the room, looking at his phone. “Apparently, I should leave in no more than ten minutes to make it back in time to pack for our flight. I guess I should leave” Joe looked just as conflicted as Diana felt. “Will I get to see you again?”
Diana felt her heart start beating harder than it ever had. This man was a fucking dream. “Yeah, that’d be cool. I’d like that,” Diana nodded, walking Joe to the door. 
“Cool. I had a really good time today,” a smile covered Joe’s face when Diana turned a deep red. “I’m willing to repeat it anytime,” he said with a wink.
Diana shoved Joe slightly, arriving at the front door. Joe engulfed her in a hug, placing a kiss on the crown of her head. 
“But seriously, I would like to hang out again. I’ll text you, okay?” He was looking down at her now, smirk still on his face
With a nod, Diana pushed herself onto her tiptoes to kiss him goodbye. Making sure she locked the door behind him, she raced to her phone to send her sister a text.
Sending the message, Diana couldn’t help to smile to herself. She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted from this relationship with Joe, but she knew for sure she wanted more of it.
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Sorry for the delay, I just couldn't get this chapter right! Hope you all enjoy! If you've read this far, please let me know what you think, even on anon!
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Taglist: If you'd like to be added, let me know!
@therapycat21 @rd14 @wickedfun9
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dungeon-strugglers · 1 year ago
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✨New item!✨ Ball of Befuddlement Wondrous item, rare
Within this 2-inch diameter glass sphere is a roiling cloud of colorful smoke.
You can use an action to throw the ball up to 60 feet. The ball shatters on impact and creates a 20-foot-radius sphere of rainbow-colored smoke centered on the point of impact. The sphere spreads around corners, and its area is heavily obscured. It lasts for 1 minute or until a wind of moderate or greater speed (at least 10 miles per hour) disperses it. 
When a creature enters the smoke for the first time on a turn or starts its turn there, it must succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw against magic or become befuddled. A befuddled creature immediately moves its entire movement speed in a random direction. Roll a d4 for the direction: 1, north; 2, south; 3, east; or 4, west. If the creature moves into another creature or obstacle, it falls prone. Additionally, the creature has disadvantage on attack rolls, ability checks, and Constitution saving throws to maintain concentration until the end of its next turn.
Blingo’s Balls of Befuddlement will blind, bewilder, and bamboozle your beloved buddies! Use them to spice up a party or just toss one into a crowd to watch the chaos ensue! Blingo is not responsible for any injuries or property damage that may occur as a result of his balls. - 🖌🎨 Like our work? Consider supporting us on Patreon and gain access to the hi-resolution art for over 190 magic items, printable item cards and card packs, beautiful creature art and stat blocks, and setting pdfs with narrative hooks and unique lore!🧙‍♂️ Thank you so much for your support! 💖
📜 Credit. Art and design by us: the Dungeon Strugglers. Please credit us if you repost elsewhere.
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the-griffons-saddlebag · 4 months ago
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💍 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Ring of the Ring
Ring, rare (requires attunement) ___ This ring has a bell at its top, like a signet. While wearing it, you gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with unarmed strikes, and on a hit, the ring emits a faraway “ding” sound. 𝙎𝙦𝙪𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙐𝙥. While wearing the ring, you can use an action to touch your two fists together, emitting a louder “ding, ding” when you do. When this happens choose a 20-foot square on the ground that you can see; you must be within the square. A series of magical walls that are 5 feet tall and 1 inch thick spring up from the ground around the square. A creature in the way of a wall must make a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw; a Gargantuan creature automatically succeeds on this saving throw. On a failed save, the creature is moved entirely within the square and knocked prone. On a successful save, the creature is moved just outside of the square. You can use a bonus action to make a single unarmed strike after using this property. A creature can use half of its movement to climb into or out of the square. If the creature is Large or smaller, it must also make a DC 15 Dexterity (Acrobatics) check when it attempts to do so. On a failure, the creature falls prone just inside the square. While within the square, your unarmed strike attack rolls score a critical hit on a roll of 19 or 20. The square remains for 1 minute, until you fall unconscious or die, or until you end the effect using a bonus action. For the duration, creatures within the square have disadvantage on attack rolls made against targets outside the square, and creatures outside the square have disadvantage on attack rolls against creatures within it. Once this property of the ring has been used, it can’t be used again until the next dawn. ___ ✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon's Saddlebag on Patreon for less than $10 a month!
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tanoraqui · 9 months ago
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I think the way I'd do the Oath of Fëanor in D&D would be modeled on a Paladin Oath except that the 3 or 4 elements of it now replace your subclass elements no matter WHAT class you are. You're not a Wild Magic sorcerer anymore; you're a sorcerer Oath-bound to seek the Silmarils, and if necessary kill anyone who gets in your way. You aren't a Battle Master fighter anymore; you're a fighter Oath-bound to seek the Silmarils, and if necessary kill anyone who gets in your way.
Also, if you want to cast a healing spell - any healing spell, as any class of spellcaster or by using a scroll - you first have to made a WIsdom saving throw vs your own spell save DC (Charisma if you don't have one) in order to reconnect with the part of yourself that isn't just a weapon forged in the conflagration of rage, grief and vengeance.
Elements would be something like,
1 - Oath-Bound: You can spend 10 minutes in meditation in order to sense the general direction of the Silmarils. You can sense the directions of all three of them at once. You may do this accidentally if your mind drifts for long enough; you often wake from sleep or reverie thinking about them.
Also 1 - Enduring Fire: When you go down to 0 HP no you don't, you go down to 1 HP instead. You can do this once per Long Rest. You do not have a choice as to whether or not this happens.
2 - Lighting Sparks, Fanning Flames: You have Expertise on any Persuasion or Intimidation checks relating to the Oath.
3 - Kinslayer: When in direct pursuit of a Silmaril - eg, it's within 120ft of you and you know it - you have Advantage on all attack rolls and make a critical hit on a 19 or 20.
4 - Spirit of Fire: When you roll a natural 20 or a natural 1, the nearest flammable object within 120ft of you which is not worn or carried by another creature catches fire, just kind of for ambiance. It will not go out until put out.
Also 4 - Forsaken: You are resistant to magical damage by any caster or creature classifiable as "divine." You serve something worse, now.
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