#Rob's face came out surprisingly well

[triple-pupil]

Last reblog inspired me.

[angel-of-the-moons]

I'd adore seeing something with Eddie and Venom being your big fuck off bodyguards at the Halloween party, bonus points if the costume is just venom!

Spooky Scary... Slime-Monsters?

Eddie x Venom x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: None!!

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

They met you in an alley, one night. The rich inheritor to some firm or another, cornered by a bunch of no-good (tasty) thugs.

Contrary to most people, you didn't run when Venom beat the shit out of, and promptly ate the heads off of your assailants. You were... Surprisingly open-minded? Eddie found that Venom liked you, and he'd be lying if your understanding of their situation wasn't refreshing. It was nice having someone other than his ex, or Ms. Chen to talk to about this sort of thing.

But when you hit them up to be a bodyguard to a freakin' Halloween party, of all places? He was hesitant, at first. But rent and groceries were kind of expensive... And you were offering quite a bit.

So, they took the offer. They met you, once again, in an alley.

The ground shook softly as Venom landed nearby. His maw stretched into an eerie grin as you gasped in shock before realizing just who it was.

"Oh! You're here!" You sighed with a relived smile, adjusting the little witch hat on your head, "I was starting to get worried."

"Yes, well... we wanted a snack so we grabbed some... fast-food on the way in." Venom replied with his deep, rumbly voice.

"Please tell me you cleaned up before you came here." You replied, scrunching your nose rather cutely.

"Of course, we aren't savages." Venom snorted, crossing his arms over his broad chest and staring down at you; almost offended you would suggest he wouldn't clean himself of the evidence.

"Oh... Well, good." You said in reply, "Did you guys pick out a costume?"

Venom frowned--pouted, really, before rocking his head from side to side. "Eddie said costumes are dumb."

The way he stretched out the last word reminded you of a petulant child mocking their parent, and it made you smile.

"So... I guess you're going as you?" You suggested.

Venom's opalescent eyes widened for a moment, like he hadn't thought of that. As he opened his mouth, a part of his face peeled back and Eddie's own face appeared; and he did not look thrilled.

"No--"

"Yes!"

You couldn't help the giggle that came from your lips as they argued back and forth. But eventually, the symbiote wins out in the end.

And so, that's how you walk into the club, arm-in-arm with Venom.

It shocked people, to say the least, but in some cases, when people got too close, Eddie and Venom were great at pretending he was some sort of expensive, animatronic suit. A few people even stopped for some photos!

The party was a droll thing at first, slow and boring, even for a rented nightclub. But a lot of these people were friend of your parents--very few really knew how to actually have fun. Even the younger people they paid to be with for the evening seemed bored out of their skulls.

That was, until Venom had hopped on stage. He had managed to load the DJ performing into playing something a little more lively--to "get the blood pumping". Apparently, nobody but you got the morbid joke.

His ploy worked, and people began to go down to the dance floor. Well... the ones young enough to avoid breaking a hip, anyways. The older ones complained about the music tastes, but your parents, the hosts of the party, clapped Venom on the shoulder and thanked him for saving the evening.

As you all sat down to enjoy cocktails, you explained that you'd hired him as your bodyguard. When asked what had happened to your primary one, you explained that after he left you alone long enough to get robbed the night you first met Venom, you decided it was a good change of pace and protection. Your parents wholeheartedly agreed.

However, neither of you were prepared for when your dad shook Venom's hand and asked the dreaded question:

"So... Are you interested in dating our daughter?"

You wanted to die on the spot.

[anomaly-hivemind]

Infected ☆ The Last of Us Zombie x Reader | Kinktober Day 15

Summary: Being infected isn't as bad as you thought it would be when you don't put up much of a fight.

Word Count: 1082

Tags: zombies, infections, virus, sex pollen, mind break, blow jobs, roughish (at the start), face fucking

You were in some old building, you had no food left, and half a water body to your name left. But most detrimental to your survival is that you had no weapons to your name. You got robbed not that long ago which was pretty much a death sentence on its own. But you managed to get here with little issues. You lean against the class of an exhibit and let out a tired sigh. If you had a gun right now you were sure that you would have shot yourself by now. A quick death would be better than slowly starving and or getting ripped to shreds. 

You let out a muffled sneeze, it was awfully dusty in this place, and you looked around the dimly lit room. This seems like a good place to rest, die in yourself if you get lucky, and find food if you win god’s favor.  You let out another sneeze, this one being more on an unsatisfying mouth one that doesn’t have any other purpose besides being loud and annoying.  

That's when you heard it, a shifting sound of something heavy dragging across the floor and the dreadful sound of clicking. 

‘Well, guess I'm dead…’ you think to yourself while trying to tiptoe back from which you came.  Why and how did you manage to walk so far into this room without triggering this beast beforehand?  You could hear the clicker moving, getting closer to you. It's clicking and gurgling screeches echoing around the closed space.

You walk as slowly as you can but have to hold back an active curse when you see that the clicker has moved in your only path to the door.  You back away but manage to bump into a chair of all things.  The clicker whips your head in your direction and screams.  You could actively see the spores move through the air from its mouth like a cartoon depiction of bad breath.  They free up, hoping it will forget that it's right in front of you and get distracted by something else.  

But it stays there, clicking and “looking at you” At least that's what it would be doing if it had eyes instead of the fungus.  You felt the urge to sneeze again, forcing yourself to hold it in. All this dust was making you woozy, and a bit weak in the legs. If you could move from this spot, you would have to sit down before you end up collapsing on the floor.  

You sneezed, the sound of it causing you to freeze up, you were so done for. You had nothing to fight this zombie off and no way to get away from it. You felt hot with fear and something else that you couldn’t quite understand over a growing haze.

The clicker took a few slow wobbly steps towards you. You stare at the clicker, it is clearly some guy who was turned some time ago.  Barely wearing any clothes anymore and covered in the fungus. 

You felt dizzy and your legs started to feel glued to the ground. The room was hot or maybe it was just you that was feeling a heat wave. The clicker  stood in front of you. It tilts its head like it's studying you, not like it normally would in a hostile way, you were a little confused. It suddenly starts sniffing the air and its head moves even closer to you. He grabs your hand hard, pulling you on your knees and the pain causes you to hiss.

Your eye drifts down to a pressing plot point. The clicker's cock was surprisingly intact; it had colorful fungus sprouting onward on the tip and had tiny caps poking out of the shaft. The clicker follows your gaze and makes a clicking noise slightly different from the others it's been making. It shifts a bit where it's standing, trying to angle its body in a way that it can get your attention.

It gets your full attention, and due to the pollen, the sight of it causes heat to lower. The cock was standing upright in your face. It tilts its body so it's standing directly in front of you, getting the lower part of its body closer to your face, almost like it's expecting you to do something. You can't wrap your head around the actions you couldn't seem to wrap yourself around. Your hands wrapped around the cock with a shaky grip.

He lets out a string of clicks and shrills. You move to run your tongue along the rigged shaft. Heart beating in your chest as you feel the need to do more, the desire and overall urges go as far as you can. He pushed his cock a bit into your mouth; you opened your lips to take him into your warmth. You gag on the thick infected cock, but you don't care. You suckle on the cock with a hazy, lusted-up bobbing. 

You suck on him while slurping And drooling in the process. The Clicker grabs your face and starts to thrust into your face. It rocks his hips into your face with a messy quickness that only gets rougher. You let out a moan as it felt like it was shoving its way down your throat.  The pollen was getting thicker and almost harder to breathe, but you didn’t care. It gets on your skin and on your clothes and in all honesty, it made you feel like you were on cloud nine. 

You hear a new sound coming from the creature that is fucking your throat now, another moan or growl mixed together with clicks. The fungus on his dick makes each thrust feel even better than usual for some reason. If you went so doped up, you would wonder how this zombie could even get hard in the first place. It continues to fuck your face, growling softly with every thrust. You can feel the fungus tickling your nose with each movement and causing it to throb to life, adding to the intensity of the experience. 

The zombie has its version of orgasm as a puff of pollution escapes from the top of his head. It doesn't shoot any liquid into you; instead, your mouth gets full of the tiny tendril that helps spread this infection.  It finds its way down your throat. You can feel yourself becoming infected, the infectious fungus spreading through your body before all thoughts go dark.

[forgetful-nerd]

I fully believe that if rottmnt came back (or, ya know, just continued as it should have), the mud dogs would’ve become the most inconvenient, pain-in-the-ass, reoccurring villains ever.

Mikey is out doing a simple grocery store run? Malicious Micky stole all the ingredients he needs from every store in town just to make the most atrocious meal known to man. And when Mikey tries to stop his unholy abomination of food—he somehow gets doped into diving headfirst into Mickey’s vile concoction, and it takes him weeks to get the smell off his shell.

April has an important test tomorrow? Dastardly Danny found a bazooka and made it her entire neighborhood’s problem. And when Donnie is pulled in for reinforcements, Danny ends up snatching some of his tech, and they go on a wild chase throughout the city as Donnie tries to pry his new inventions out of Danny’s hands, and Danny continuously evades him. By the end of the chase, Donnie does get his tech back, but Danny gives him the slip. And now he is stuck being blamed for millions of dollars worth of property damage and has to run for his life to evade the mob of angry New Yorkers.

Leo is attending a Jupiter Jim convention? Loathsome Leonard is there stealing every collector's item that Leo wants to purchase, and no matter how hard Leo tries to get someone…ANYONE to notice the blatant thieving…no one believes him as Leonard is slick and (surprisingly) charming. This leads to Leo getting lectured by security about making false accusations as Leonard smugly grins at him as he snatches another piece behind the security guard's back, with Leo having the biggest “are-you-fuckin’-kidding-me” face ever.

Raph wants to enjoy a quiet night to himself? Well, that’s too bad. Heinous Green just robbed a bank and, while making his escape, he threw one of the bags of money he was carrying at Raph, which makes Raph an unwilling decoy for the police. Raph spends the rest of the night trying to clear his name as he evades the police, and Heinous Green continues to commit crimes while framing Raph for them. And on top of all of that…..Heinous Green is a big shit-talker. So, whenever Raph is face-to-face with him, Heinous Green taunts him and gets under his skin, causing Raph to lose his cool, fall for his traps, and get framed for more crimes.

All of this culminates into the boys becoming so fed up with the mud dogs that any time they see them, it leads to a fight.

Until one day, while outside enjoying their day, they hear the mud dogs conversing in a dark alleyway. With each turtle having a personal vendetta against the gang, it doesn’t take much for them to agree to a sneak attack on the crew. With each turtle taking positions to block all exits from the alleyway, they spring into action. The rise! Brothers, thinking that they’ve finally gotten the jump on the mud dogs, throw themselves into their attack full-force.

Except, it wasn’t the mud dogs they were jumping. It was the 2012 TMNT boys. This is the start of their first inter-dimensional encounter with their counterparts.

And they are about to get off on the worst foot imaginable.

[melanieph321]

Dominik Szoboszlai x Black Reader - First Sight Part 1/8

The Spark

@trentione I got the gif from your page. It's what inspired me to write this story 🙌

This story is about the night reader met her boyfriend Dominik and the series of crazy events that led up to the beginning of their love story.

Enjoy!

"I don't wanna go."

"Y/N you can't say that when we're already here."

You were not antisocial, let's make that clear. But after a week of cramming for your nursing exam, the last thing you wanted to do was spend your Friday night at some random guy's apartment.

"Come on, Sami Chun and his friends are cool, we'll have a great time." Your friend, Tara, had to push you up the flight of steps up to the apartment, however, you paused mid step. "Friends? What do you mean his friends?"

She shrugged. "Well he said that he already had some people over, and that I should bring a friend too. So I brought you." She smiled.

"Great." You sighed. "It better not be all guys."

It was. Three guys joined by two naive girls. "You came!" Sami exclaimed. He welcomed you at the door, and everything about him screamed "I sell vapes to underage kids", mainly, because of the tooth pick that he wiggled between his newly bleached teeth, or the overzied white t-shirt he wore that stated that "Surf is life."

"Come in." He waved. " There's loads of beer in the fridge."

You followed him inside, clinging tightly to your purse. Tara seemed giddy with excitement whilst you were sure to be in the beginning of a movie meant to raise awareness about date rape drugs.

"Everyone, this is the girl I was talking about, Tara and her friend...."

It was a small apartment, small but surprisingly tidy for an engineering student. You turned the corner to what looked to be a bedroom turned into a living room. Your eyes swept past the two guys slouching one the sofa, instead frowning at the leather coasters beaneath the glasses of beer set on the table.

"Y/N?"

"Ouch." You groaned, as Tara's elbow stabbed you in the ribs.

"Introduced yourself." She hissed.

"What?"

Tara's eyes darted to her left, reffering to the guy's whose eyes were on you. "Introduce yourself." She repeated, through clenched teeth.

You raised a hand, waving awkwardly. "Hi, I'm Y/N and I'm an alcoholic."

Tara's head dropped to her hands, covering her face, disappointed and embarrassed by your response. However, your attention was drawn to the guys on the sofa, particularly the one with the dimples that flourished when he laughed. It lit something within you, a sudden spark that brought heat to your face. He was cute, dangerously cute. Like, let's rob a bank together cute. Or please let me sit on your pretty face cute. Except for the black tumbleweed growing out of his scalp, he was perfect.

"You guys want something to drink?" Sami offered, having to speak up as his friends laughter was contagious, causing the other guy, the one with the faded afro, to give away a thigh slapping laugh.

"Yeah, let me help you get it." Tara muttered, already regretting having brought you with her. She was clearly into Sami, wanting to impress him.

"Um, where's the bathroom?" You asked.

"Just down the hall and to the left." Sami instructed. He then disappeared into the kitchen with Tara. You nodded your head, excusing yourself as you left the guys on the sofa, effortlessly avoiding eye contact with the one whose face you'd like to sit on.

You took your time in the bathroom, snooping through cabinets as they were filled woth glamorous products that you didn't even keep at your own place. "Who is this guy?" You asked at one point, turning to read the label on the vitamin face serum, containin chemicals that guaranteed clearance of blackheads. Sami was either playing for another team, or very fond of his skin. Then again, it was more than homophobic to assume that only gay men had skincare routines.

"Fuck." You gasped as a knock on the bathroom door interrupted your snooping.

"You done in there?"

"Just a minute!"

You rushed to put everything back where you found it, only to be startled by Mr Let Me Sit On Your Face, as you went to unlock the door. He displayed a poisonous grin.  "Are you good?"

"Um..." Great, he had an accent too. One you didn't recognize where it was from. "...sure." You said.

"You sure?"

"Sure." You nodded, taking a step to the side. "The bathroom is all yours."

He chuckled. "Well, I didn't really have to go. Your friend was asking where you went and I offered to go look."

"Oh." There it was again, that spark in your chest.

"I'm assuming you were snooping through Sami's belongings."

"What? No, I wasn't."

Thank God you were born black otherwise your face would have been crimson right now.

"You sure?" He enjoyed seeing you sweat, you could tell.

"Yeah, I'm sure. You don't even have any proof."

"Well, your friend said that you probably were snooping and that's why you were gone for so long."

Fuck. He got you there. But then he leaned forward, his cologne ambushing your nostrils when he whispered, "Don't worry,  I won't tell." Again, you thank god for gifting you with your dark skin, otherwise it would have given you away. Given away how much he was turning you on.

"There you are." Tara said, seeing you trailing your steps behind Mr Let Me Sit On Your Face. The two of you entered the living room. It was now full of smoke by the way. Evaporating smoke that smelled like bubblegum cherry. Sami was passing around his vape pen, offering it arround to anyone who wanted a hit. Of course Tara wanted to smoke, blowing on Sami's pen as if he had offered to put his dick in her mouth.

"You want?" Mr Let Me Sit On Your Face said, offering you to take a hit of his own vape pen.

"I'm allergic." You replied, or more so, lied.

"Oh."

It was funny, him pulling back the pen as if its tip would burn you.

"Who's this?" You asked, leaning towards Sami's other friend who was also cute, but not as cute as Mr Let Me Sit On Your Face.

"You've never heard of Spitfire?" He asked suprised, turning up the volume to what you could only assumed to be some subculture British rapper.

"Trent only likes music that you can't dance to." Mr Let Me Sit On Your Face leaned in to whisper, his breath close to your ear, the smell of sour candy awakening the hairs on the back of your neck. Your turned to him, glaring curiously. "You dance?"

He grinned. "I'd dance with you."

"Shit. I think we're out of beer." Sami said, tossing the last can in the bin. "Someone's gonna have to make another beer run."

"I'll go." You volunteered, straightening your skirt as you stood up from having been vedged between Trent and Mr Let Me Sit On Your Face.

"Y/N?" Tara questioned, an anxious look on your face. "You're not thinking about going alone are you?"

You shrugged.  "Why not? The shop is only around the corner, no? We passed it on our way here."

"Yes, but you've been drinking."

"I'll go with her."

There was movment behind you. The spark that lit within you already told you who it was.

"See, don't worry babe. Dom will go with her."

Tara looked to blush as Sami threw a reassuring arm around her shoulders, addressing her as "babe". That was the last of Tara's worries, she practically forgot about you after that.

"Your name is Dom?" You said, turning to Mr Let Me Sit On Your Face as the two of you went to put on your shoes in the hallway. He smiled, "What did you think it was?"

"Um..." You do not want to know buddy.

"It's short for Dominik but Trent doesn't let people we know call me that since he had a bully in primary school with the same name."

"So you remind of him, Trent's bully?"

The two of you stepped out of the apartment and took the elevator down. The night was cold once you were fully exposed to it, however, your jean jacket brought you some comfort.

"Apart from the name, I don't really think so. I don't think Trent would want to live with someone who reminded him of his childhood bully."

"So the two of you are roommates?" You asked as you and Dominik turned the corner, on the pursuit to buy beer from the corner shop down the road.

"And lovers." He grinned

"Oh, like me and Tara?"

His laughter echoed in the night, not expecting to meet his match. Little did you know that after the following events of this night, you would have met yours too.

[flowerandblood]

Robbed and gifted (2/6)

[ arranged marriage • modern!Aemond x female ]

[ warnings: mention of sex and cheating, fluff ]

[description: (Anon Request) She and Aemond are faced with a situation, where they must form a fictitious marriage. They are complete strangers to each other, who cannot find themselves in a new reality. When his wife stands up for him at a family dinner, something changes between them. Smut, angst and a lot of sexual tension.]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

_____

Aemond woke up feeling more guilty than ever. He cheated on his longtime partner. He wanted to justify himself with alcohol, but he knew that he wasn't drunk then. No matter how he looked at it, he wasn't seduced either.

He put his hand in between her thighs, he literally threw himself on her like an animal and even though he assured her that he would stop, he didn't.

The truth was he'd been frustrated ever since he'd seen her at the Registry Office. He hoped to see an empty, defiantly painted, stupid girl who only wanted his money and his family's company.

When he saw her he thought painfully, that she looked surprisingly normal. She was pretty, had a soft face and large eyes, with a pleasant figure. She looked pale and ashamed, just like him.

When she came to his apartment to ruin his life, he felt like he was going to lose his mind. He was a loner, his apartment was his sanctuary and cave, even Alys he brought there reluctantly, preferring to meet at her house.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a stranger entered his private space, took one of his rooms, making him no longer feel at home. The first nights he went to Alys because he couldn't stand it.

"What is she like?" Alys asked, looking at him with a slight, rakish smile, seeing his frustration as she took a swig from her glass. He rolled his eye, frustrated that he was bringing up the subject again.

"I don't know. We don't talk." He said coolly, toying with his glass in his hand. Alys giggled, running her long fingers along his arm.

"Should I be worried about her?" She asked softly, almost in a whisper, sensually. He swallowed harder at the sound of her voice, feeling the desire.

"Don't be silly." He murmured as slid his hand into her hair, pulling her firmly against him, pressing his lips against hers.

After a few days, however, he needed to work in peace, and being in Alys's apartment he couldn't concentrate. He went back to his apartment, resigned.

He agreed to all this only for his father. Because his father asked him for something for the first time in his life. Before, Aemond had felt like he might not exist to him.

Of course he talked to him, but just like to everyone else. He didn't understand when other parents said, that their children were special to them. He didn't know what that meant.

If he was special to anyone, it was Alys.

When he got up and saw her in the kitchen, he wanted to back out. He decided he couldn't be that oversensitive, and he wanted a cup of coffee anyway.

He walked over to her, pretending not to see her and the pile of sandwiches that she had prepared for them. He knew that she was already thinking something up in her head, and he didn't like it. However, it was the remark about her college that unnerved him.

As was his habit, he blurted out his words faster than he thought. He locked himself in his office, sat down in front of his desk, and ran his hand over his face.

He knew full well that he was taking it out on her. Even if she did it for money, no one forced him either - he could refuse.

He immediately felt remorse.

He even considered standing up and apologizing her for the outburst, pointing out that any warming of relations between them was not real for him.

However, she herself made his task easier by closing herself completely, disappearing from his line of sight. He felt like he was living alone again.

He tried to pretend to be content and indifferent, but he knew that he was treating her like an unwanted dog that he had locked in one of the rooms and pretended, that she wasn't there. He knew that she didn't deserve it, but he didn't do anything about it.

When his father invited them to dinner, he knew he couldn't refuse. He wanted to vomit at the thought that they both had to pretend, or worse, that something might come out. There was nothing he could do.

They went there together.

He didn't know what possessed him to put his hand on her thigh. He decided that since he hardly said anything to her or looked at her, he had to at least physically pretend that there was any closeness between them. He tried not to think about how warm and soft her skin felt under his fingers, how close his hand was to her panties.

For some reason she was wearing a dress without wearing a bra, which immediately caught his attention. She looked pretty and girlish, the complete opposite of his gloomy and mutilated appearance. He thought that in normal life she would never look at him, and the thought made his lips tighten.

When his father said out loud, in front of the whole family, that he wasn't dedicating himself to the company as much as he should have, he wanted to burst out laughing.

Something inside him snapped then, and he was on the verge of doing or saying something very, very bad. When his wife spoke suddenly with a certainty and directness that he had never seen before, he was completely stunned.

Alys, though so faithful and devoted to him, would never speak to his father that way, because she would lose her job.

She wouldn't risk her good position for him.

He told himself that he didn't blame her, that she was older than him and had a right to stability, not wanting to take a risk. For some reason he felt pain, that the only person who had publicly defended him from his father was a complete stranger. The thought broke him.

He thought about it all the way back to the apartment. He thought that maybe she was right. Maybe he demonized her too much, wanting to personalize her as the source of all his problems when, in fact, it had always been his father.

He decided that at least he would try to treat her more gently, like a colleague from work who rented a room with him.

That at least he owes her that much.

When she told him about her mother, how she'd pretended that she didn't exist, something snapped inside him once again that evening. He felt that he had to touch her.

That he had feel her.

He fucked her so greedily that he couldn't breathe and she moaned so sweetly, her body tightening around him so wonderfully, that he just came inside her. He forgot about Alys, about his father, about everything.

Then he realized what he had done and locked himself in his bedroom again. He got into bed and just lay there, staring at the ceiling. He wondered how he could do this to Alys.

He had never cheated on her before, never even thought about it. Although they often went to business banquets where there were plenty of pretty, rich girls, he was never tempted by them, feeling their vanity.

He couldn't get the smell of her hair out of his nose, her sweat, her sweet perfume that she had to use before leaving for dinner.

He couldn't forget how hot her thighs and insides felt as he slid inside her, how tight her fleshy walls pressed against him, how fervently she responded to his every thrust. He felt despairingly as his cock throbbed painfully hard in his pants.

He wanted to cry.

In the morning he heard her softly open the door and go into the kitchen. He heard the sound of the fridge opening. He wondered if she would try to talk him into having breakfast with him again. He knew he would not agree.

But she didn't do anything like that. He heard her silently shut herself back into her room a few minutes later. He decided that he had to get up now if he didn't want to be late for work.

This time he went out, took a quick shower and made himself some coffee. He found himself glancing at her room door from the middle of the living room, but she didn't come out to talk to him. He wondered if she was as devastated by what had happened between them as he was.

Resigned, he drove to the office feeling terrible. He thought that he had to tell Alys everything or he would go crazy. He decided that she knew him well enough to see immediately that something was wrong.

He thought of himself so far that he was a good partner and a man. That although he was good at it. It turned out, that he was also crippled in this regard.

He entered the bank's office building, tapping his card, the automatic door beeping open for him. Aegon greeted him inside, hungover as usual, pressing a cold bottle from the vending machine to his forehead. When he saw him, he smiled at him.

“Oh, this is our lucky newlywed. Although your wife has balls in this relationship." He said with a smile as he sat up with a hiss, clutching his head.

"Fuck, my head is about to burst." He spoke low, but Aemond said nothing at all to his words.

He opened his laptop and sighed as he saw ten new e-mails. He was annoyed to see that some of them were Aegon customers, who had been unable to reach him.

"Would you mind finally doing your job, instead of drinking yourself to death every night?" He hissed as he sat down at his desk, going through the papers that his assistant had just laid out for him moments earlier. Aegon rolled his eyes at his words.

"Once you talk to them, once I talk to them, it's teamwork." He said lightly, and Aemond looked him up and down.

He opened his mouth to tell him what he thought of him, but saw Alys through the glass wall walking down the hall. She smiled at him and waved at him. He felt a tightness in his pit. Aegon spoke up, amused.

"Does your wife know that you're fucking her? Or do you do triangles? You'd invite your brother, wouldn't you?" He asked, but Aemond just got up and walked past him, following her out.

He caught up with Alys, and she looked at him, surprised. They determined that they behaved professionally in the office and tried not to talk to each other, with small exceptions for sex in the toilet.

"I want to talk to you. In private." He said low, his jaw clenched. Alys frowned at his tension.

"Something happened?" She asked, looking around.

Aemond took her by the arm, and they both entered one of the storerooms. He closed the door behind him, leaned against a metal bookcase and ran his hands over his face, sighing heavily. Alys looked at him expectantly. He thought it was pathetic, but he wanted to cry.

"I slept with her." He whispered without looking at her, his face still buried in his hands. He heard her inhale sharply. She stopped with her arms folded, he heard her breathing differently.

"She seduced you?" She asked, her voice trembling slightly. He swallowed loudly. He couldn't get the words out that were burning in his throat.

“No.”

There was a long, awkward silence between them. He glanced quickly at Alys and saw that her full, lightly colored lips were twitching slightly.

He couldn't bear to see her suffer.

He knew that he had hurt her.

"Is that all you have to say to me?" She asked and laughed under her breath, but it was laughter through tears. He looked at her with pain.

"I don't know what possessed me." He said, but immediately heard how pathetic it sounded. She shook her head at his words.

"Something possessed you? A demon entered you and suddenly when you regained consciousness, you fucked her?” She asked in pain, trying not to cry, covering her mouth with her hand.

She ran a finger through her lashes, not wanting her makeup to smear. Her entire body was trembling. He didn't dare touch her.

"Why? Because she's younger and prettier?" She asked, and he squeezed his eye shut, feeling that he was about to cry himself.

"No." He whispered weakly, exhaling loudly, feeling he was out of breath. She stared at him in disbelief.

"Can you promise me that this will never happen again? Will you divorce her and it will be as it used to be?" She asked, standing with her arms folded. He cleared his throat, running his hand over his chin.

“In two years this marriage will no longer exist. I promise." He whispered, looking pleadingly at her. Alys pursed her lips.

"Are you kidding me?" She asked in a trembling voice. "Aren't you going to divorce her now?"

Aemond stared at her wide-eyed, completely stunned. He closed and opened his mouth, not knowing what to say.

"You know … you know, what I agreed with my father." He mumbled.

"And what have you agreed with me? It doesn't mean anything anymore? You promised!" She said covering her face.

She shook her head, walked past him and left the room, leaving him alone. He squeezed his eye shut, leaning the back of his head against the bookshelf, trying his best not to start sobbing like a baby.

After work, he returned home. Alys didn't answer his calls, he knew, that she didn't want to see him. The truth was he didn't even have the strength to apologize to her or fight for her forgiveness. He thought it was pathetic, but he decided to leave it like that for now.

When he entered the apartment, he saw that the light was on in the kitchen. He shuddered at the thought that she was there, that they would look at each other for the first time since the thankless night of yesterday.

He walked slowly into the living room, glancing towards the kitchen. He saw her big, frightened eyes, her pursed lips and pale face. She was wearing a crop top and shorts, her hair loose and slightly damp, as if she had just taken a shower. He thought that she'd taken a bath before he got home, so she wouldn't run into him.

"You came back early." She spoke softly, her voice trembling slightly. She sounded like she was explaining why he'd seen her at all.

"I'm going to finish making dinner and go to my room in a minute. It's cauliflower soup, if you feel like it, help yourself." She said, swallowing hard as she turned back to the pot.

He looked at her impassively. Her long, shapely legs, soft, shiny hair. He smelled her shampoo again in his nose, the same smell that he had felt yesterday when he fucked her. He felt his manhood pulse again in his pants.

He thought that he was distraught and desperate.

He had no strength left.

He approached her slowly, saying nothing. She looked at him in surprise over her shoulder, he saw her purse her lips and blush slightly, embarrassed, dropping her gaze. He knew that she was embarrassed by what had happened between them. She couldn't even look at him.

He felt her draw in a sharp breath and jump in place as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pressing his face against her hair. He felt the warmth of her body, her ass against his hard cock, the scent of her hair and her skin filling his chest again.

He wondered what he was doing, but decided that he just wanted affection. He knew for some reason that she could give him what he needed, and he flocked to her like a moth to a light.

"It's been a terrible, terrible day." He whispered softly, tired and resigned.

He felt her body tremble before him, her breathing ragged. He knew that she felt how hard he was. He heard her swallow loudly. He felt a pleasant shiver as she placed her small hand on his, stroking it gently.

"I know." She whispered just as softly, and for some reason that two words, that warmth that came from her lips, her understanding of his condition made him cry.

He began to sob quietly, unable to stop himself, squeezing his eye tightly. He felt her flinch, all scared. She wanted to turn to him but he wouldn't let her.

He buried his face in her hair, hugging her so tightly, that he felt as if he would strangle her. She wrapped her arms around his, stroking them soothingly.

"Shhh. I know." She said, her voice breaking on the last word.

Only when he heard her quiet sobs did he let her turn towards him, all red with tears, snuggle into his chest. She hugged him so tight that he was out of breath. He threaded his hands into her hair, her fingers tightening on the fabric of his shirt. He pressed his face against her neck, letting his disappointment and tension flow for the first time in many years.

He cried, because he realized that despite having made such a great sacrifice, he had not earned his father's love and respect. His father tricked him by waving it in his face.

He cried, because he had hurt Alys, but he knew,that it wasn't the betrayal that hurt her the most. He couldn't assure her that it wouldn't happen again, because he wasn't sure what was going on between them.

He could imagine the next day with her, but not their old age together. Not their children. He put off getting engaged until he married a total stranger and made her watch.

He cried, because he was overloaded with work and couldn't keep up anymore. He wanted someone to help him, but neither Aegon nor Helaena could do that for him.

Helaena was even mentally weaker than him, and Aegon was totally fucked. Jace and Luke were triumphant, but only because Daemon was putting things under their noses. They never worked for anything on their own, like he did.

He grabbed her by the hips and slowly carried her towards his bedroom. She wrapped her legs around his waist, sniffling loudly, and looked around the room in shock. She couldn't see much from crying, everything was blurry.

Aemond placed her on his bed and lay down next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, burying his nose in her hair, stroking her head reassuringly.

He knew that she was crying now too, for her own reasons. He knew that he was one of them. He kissed her forehead, pressing her body tighter against him, wanting to feel her as much as possible.

"Sleep with me tonight."

_____

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess @sweethoneyblossom1 @watercolorskyy @astral-blossoms @randomdragonfires @amirawritespoorly @apollonshootafar @padfooteyes @darylandbethfanforever9 @fudge13

Others: @thedamewithabook @godrakin @snh96 @statixcane @toodlesxcuddles

[loveanddeepdick]

matchup #6

want to participate in my matchup event? click here!

trouble is around the corner, your date is..

toji fushiguro!

┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈

he had his arm draped around your shoulders, leaning back against the red, puffy chairs of the diner. he smelled of cologne, metal, and smoke. not cigarette smoke, or smoke from anywhere else you’ve ever smelt, he smelled of smoke from a large, passionate, fire. as if he had it burning inside him at all times. it was around 9pm. the diner had some customers, but not too many. the large jukebox was playing a random elvis songs that some old geezer paid to hear and the clinking of utensils filled the gaps of silence in between songs.

“pick out what you want, yeah?”, his hand came down to rub your shoulder, his thumb caressing the sides of your oversized t-shirt. he twirled your brown hair on his finger, creating a small helix as he gazed at how it shined underneath the diner's fluorescent lights.

"hm.. i think i'll just have a regular combo and a milkshake.." you mumbled, focusing on the laminated old menu.

he nodded, agreeing with you, getting the same thing. after your orders were sent in by the old waitress who seemed to be working there 24/7, toji turned to you, his arm still wrapped around you.

"this ain't too bad of a date, ain't it?", he chuckled, trailing his eyes across your face.

"toji.. are you sure you can even pay for this? you have a job that can barely pay for a gallon of milk", you dramatically sighed, clutching your bag with your wallet inside just in case.

you and toji weren't officially dating but had known each other for a while. strangers to mutual friends to friends to whatever you two were now. you had told toji that you had a date today but bailed on you so him being the good friend (who was secretly head over heals for you), he took you out instead.

"i think you should be out.. i dunno.. doing whatever dangerous things you do in your free time. like rob a damn bank or something", you laughed, taking a sip of the iced water left on the table in front of you. there was always tension between you two. shiu could sense it as well, not letting toji in a 10 mile radius of you or else he'd be all over you.

"i wanna be with you, dollface"

you scoffed as your food arrived. you and toji sat in silence for the most part, enjoying the meal that he surprisingly did pay for. getting up after the check, toji wrapped his arm around you again as you both walked out to your car.

"doll, im serious, i really like you", toji mumbled, sighing as his head tilted up to look at the night sky,

"hmm.. yeah?", you smiled mischievously. of course, toji liked you. you liked him back as well, you just wanted to hear more.

"want me to prove it to ya or something? i really fucking like you and i'd be damned if that mustache fuck-faced shiu asked you out before i did".

┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈

"really fuckin' like you, ma", toji mumbled. his face was in between your legs. knees were up on his burly shoulders and your hand was buried in his black locks of hair.

you almost feel the scar on his lip as he dragged his tongue back and forth on your clit, his hands gripping your tan thighs and coming down to squeeze the fat of your ass. you couldn't even respond, drunk on the feeling of his tongue exploring your insides, prodding against your pussy before sliding up to your clit again.

"'want you so—" suck "—fucking bad. 'wanted you since i saw you two years ago walking in the room with shiu—" slurp "—and i wanted you. only you. you and your sexy ass and pretty fuckin' face".

you tugged on toji's hair harder, signalling that you were going to cum soon.

"yeah, sweetheart? wanna cum on my face? say you're mine then. say you'll be mine forever"

"i—i’m yours, toji! yours- yours forever!"

you could feel the smile against your pussy as his face delved in deeper, using the flat of his tongue to run up and down from your clit to your hole.

"f-fuck, toji—i'm gonna—“

"go on, sweetheart, cum on my face, come on, don't run away. stay with me", toji groaned as his calloused hands dug into your hips, keeping you in place as you spasmed on his face. after letting you ride his face as you came, you looked down at him, his mouth and chin covered with your slick as he grinned down on you.

"you believe me now? that i want you?", he chuckled as he leaned down, attacking your neck with kisses.

"yes, yes!" you squealed, attempting to push him off while reaching to grab your panties that were thrown to the side. he grabbed your wrist, pinning you down again before rubbing the space between your belly button and your pussy. your eyes widened at the sight of his erection below you. he lifted your legs, folding them into full nelson before rubbing his clothes erection on you.

"oh, you didn't think i was done, were you? you're my woman now, i gotta make sure it'll show too".

┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈

hiii i hope you enjoyed this and here is your pinterest board!!! thank u for participating 💗💗

[hadeslegacyhephgirl]

Thief!Nico and Premed!Will

Decided 2 change doctor 2 uni student at the last minute, it fits better

This is literally shit help me comment prompts pls

~*~

Nico was a thief. 

And a good one too, from the years of pratice. 

Untill one day he was caught, sort of, and his world turned upside down and sideways. 

His target for the night was a two-story country house. He waited in the bushes until all the lights were off, waited another hour, then snuck into an open window into a kitchen.   He crouch-crept around the counter, silent as a ghost, then froze as he rounded it. 

There was a boy there, about his age, leaning over the sink, peering out of the window, blonde curls flipping slightly in the breeze. 

Nico waited, breathing quietly. 

The boy straited, turned around and stared directly at Nico. 

Celeste blue eyes found black ones and Nico nearly stopped breathing, expecting all hell to break loose. 

But somehow, it didn't. 

The boy grunted and beckoned. 

"You want a coffee?" 

Nico crinkled his nose. 

What in the actual fuck. 

The boy sighed and ran a hand down his face. 

"Well, don't just sit there, c'mon up. I ain't gonna kill you, Sunshine."  Nico bristled and stood up slowly  "I'm not that easy to kill, weirdo." 

The boy smiled, pearly white teeth flashing in the dark kitchen.  "He speaks! Thank gods. I thought you were gonna run away or stab me or something. You wan' a coffee?"  Nico crinkled his nose. 

"I literally just broke into your house and now your offering me coffee? The fuck is wrong with you?" 

"Eh, I don't think I could stop you from robbing us blind, but at least you could steal something other that’s worth it. Like coffee... and food. You look like you haven't eaten in weeks, which, dude, not healthy."  "Oh really. You a doctor or something?"  "Gonna be. Pre-med in University of Olympus. You ever go to college?"  "No. Couldn't afford it- why the hell am I telling you this?"  The boy grinned.  "I'm just the kind of person you can't help but spill your guts too. Will. Will Solace. And you are?"  Will held out a hand.  Nico looked at it.  Will laughed, throwing his head back. It was surprisingly musical. 

"It isn't poisonous, Sunshine."  Nico shook it.  "Nico."  "Cool. You Italian?"  "...yeah?"  "You wanna coffee. In fact... yes, you do, because your eyebags are fucking enormous and I don’t think your gonna last much longer. A flat white okay for ya?"  Nico blinked.   What the fuck. 

Who did this guy think he was. 

Will was already moving to the coffee machine and starting it up.  "Aren’t you scared of someone waking up?"  "Nah. It's, what, three in the morning? My family sleep pretty heavy. Moms gotta get up at four anyway to get ready for work, Kayla tends to wake up with Mom anyway and Austin, well, let's just say you can't wake Austin up before seven anyway."  The machine squeaked and started pouring out shots into the mugs Will had positioned under the spout. As it did that, Will rummaged in fridge and produced milk, then grabbed a tin of sugar from the cupboard. 

Soon there was two mugs of flat white coffee and a plate of cookies sitting on the bench. 

"'lright, dig in, c'mon. It's an insult if you refuse to eat my mom's choc-chip cookies."  Nico grabbed the coffee. He hadn't it for ages, and the sweet flavour hit his tounge in an explosion. He quickly drained it, then grabbed a cookie and bit into it. 

Will leaned on the bench, munching his own cookie. 

The stairs creaked, and Nico jumped. 

Will laughed and peered up the staircase.  "Morning Kayla. We got a visitor"  A female voice, rough from sleep, came back  "Another one? Seriously Will? When are you gonna learn it's gonna get you killed?"  "Oh, please, Percy wasn't dangerous, or Piper, for that matter. And where are they now?"  "At Olympus Uni, I know, I know. So who’s it this time?"  Kayla emerged, looked at Nico, then back at Will, then grunted. 

"'Course you didn't make any coffee for me." 

She walked to the coffee machine and set it running with another mug, then turned back to Nico, who was processing this new information. Finally, he blurted out 

"You knew Percy?"  Will laughed again, and Nico's heart did this weird jump-flip thing.  

"Yup. This ain't my first rodeo, Sunshine." 

"Oh" 

"So you wanna go out somewhere?"  "like friends or like a date?"  Kayla snorted  Will lit her lightly  "What do you want it to be?" 

Nico blinked. 

"um. I don't know."  ~*~ 

And that’s how a theif and pre-med student met  ~*~ 

Shitty ending, I know, but I couldn't keep it going. 'm tiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrred and I wanted 2 get it finished 

Ur welcome 

someone give me prompts

[ryuichirou]

So I wonder how Twisted wonderland cast be like murdering for the first time. I want to imagine angst on them and if they are scared or delight. I want to hear your thoughts (maybe except Lilia since he is definitely murder a lot of people.)

Anon, this is SUCH a good question. It made me think for hours lol this is what I came up with!

Riddle could either murder someone on accident or as a corporal punishment (if we take his quirk/unique magic too far), and his reaction would kind of depend on what exactly has happened. If it’s the second option, he’ll try to stay calm, cold and collected, and say that the murdered guy got what he deserved and that he had no choice but to dispose of him. But even then, after he freaks the fuck out of everyone around him and leaves to his room, he’ll probably have a breakdown. Then he’ll just cope even harder to justify what he has done and start offing people left and right lol And if it’s the first option (I can picture him overdoing it with his magic), he’ll probably have a breakdown immediately. Nothing good comes from that, because Riddle’s psyche is already pretty bad, but with such a heavy sin on his conscience, there is no way he’ll be able to face it. Hence, more dangerous delusions and more heads flying.

Ace wouldn’t plan on murdering anyone; he’ll definitely do it by accident. He is petty, but there are limits to what he’d do. And he’d take it even worse than he would’ve thought he would. He’ll hide and will definitely get involved with some shady people who’d promise to cover his tracks for him. Maybe the Octa-trio lol But then he’ll spend his whole life trying to numb this feeling of fucking up So Massively and the feeling of his conscious eating him alive.

Deuce would be terrified because he’d definitely realise what he’d done post-factum, with his fists covered in blood and the murdered guy barely looking like a human. So after having a massive meltdown and screaming in panic and crying, if he isn’t arrested by that point (miraculously) he’ll try to give the guy some kind of a proper burial and just run. We’ll never see Deuce again, because there is no way he can face his loved ones after that. He might turn himself to the police, but his own dream about becoming a policeman... yeah, not happening.

With Trey it’s funny; I don’t think he’d kill on accident. If Trey murders someone, it’s definitely deliberate, and by that point Trey would probably feel like that person deserved it. There are only two people I can imagine him killing (yep Riddle’s parents), and even though he would feel hurt afterwards, it’d mostly be out of his sympathy for Riddle, and not because he did something wrong. He’d have moral dilemmas inside his head, because by saving Riddle from abuse, he also robbed the world of two excellent doctors, which can’t be a good thing. But for a weird reason, Trey just can’t help but think that he did the right thing. Trey is not a good person lol

Cater… I don’t know what would drive Cater to kill someone, it might be an accident, but he also might be unstable and we just don’t know about it yet. In any way, he’s probably the one to cover that fact surprisingly well. Of course, he’ll become even more obnoxious with his fake persona, but everyone would just assume that it’s Cater being Cater, while Cater can still heard people screaming in terror in his head.

I don’t know about Leona, he didn’t seem to mind endangering people all that much. Giving a nod to the character he’s based on, I can picture him plotting his brother’s murder. And maybe I just want Leona to be horrible because it’s more fun that way, but I don’t want him to show any remorse in that situation. Well… Of course he’ll show remorse and try to act maturely and empathetically towards those who are the most affected by Falena’s death, but he’ll also probably have a moment a triumph behind the closed doors. Even if there is some guilt out there, it’s definitely buried under this euphoric joy. Oh, and Cheka?.. He’d better run and never return.

Ruggie could do it either on accident or intentionally, but it probably won’t be personal. He would do it either because he was asked to or because he was saving himself. Either way, he would be shaken up by it, but he’ll try to get over it as soon as possible. So yeah, he’ll sob for a moment, then slap his own face and just keep going. No one would ever guess that he keeps such a wild and horrible secret. Who even knows how many people he’s killed…

Jack would kill a person on accident (he’s very big and doesn’t always control himself well…) and then immediately turn himself in to the police. There is NO WAY he’s hiding it. Keeping it a secret would be unbearable to him, it’s much better to get punished. He’ll also do the whole “apologizing to the family and being willing to do any kind of work to repent” thing. He’s too much of a good boy.

Oh Octavinelle… I feel like merpeople’s relationship with deaths and murder is a bit different, but not drastically, they are just a bit more tolerant to that because this is the reality they live in: it’s very dangerous in the ocean.

And the tweels are even more of a special case, because they are mafia babies who are also kind of sort of cannibalistic. They’ve seen everything, they are super comfortable with the idea of taking someone’s life, and they probably don’t even remember and think much about their first time doing it. They see the world through a very unique lens, so to them it’s a very natural thing. That being said, they do enjoy killing, when they are in the mood. They find the victim’s reaction fascinating, and they’ve seen it all: they’ve seen panic, they’ve seen despair, they’ve seen confusion. I also feel like Jade is a bit more invested in this whole thing than Floyd these days; Floyd is a bit bored by murder at this point, but Jade keeps finding more and more intricate ways to fatally wound someone. It doesn’t mean that Floyd wouldn’t do it for funsies, of course.

Azul is definitely more sensitive than these two, who pretty much lack empathy for their victims, and he is probably yet to kill someone, so when he does, he’s going to remember his first time forever. Azul really enjoys punishing people who he feels are deserving of the said punishment, and he is extremely petty, so I can see him doing the heartless bitch thing and offing someone because he has “ran out of patience”. And he is conflicted, because he feels thrilled when he has this power over people, and he enjoys it tremendously and maniacally, but sometimes he also feels sick to his stomach and gets a lump in his throat and goosebumps and cold sweat for some reason… I guess it’s just disgust, huh? Either way, he prefers to save it for those who are the most deserving of his wrath.

We love the idea of Kalim being a murderous beast with no regard to other people’s lives, but in actuality I feel like he would get terrified by that. He’d probably kill on accident, I can’t even picture a situation in which he would do it on purpose; and when he does it on accident, one would expect him to start yelling and crying, but Kallim would be so deeply affected by it that he would just… go numb for a while. With no reaction to what happened whatsoever, but also terror in his eyes. Jamil would expect him to explode at any moment, but the only thing he’d get is that Kalim would start to act like nothing has happened. Is he lying or did he repress the memories of what he did? Is he going to snap at some point? Is he in danger and/or is he dangerous? Who knows.

Jamil wouldn’t kill on accident – he is too smart to kill on accident; his actions would be 100% deliberate and thought out. And if that’s the case and he ends up killing, I don’t know, maybe someone from the Asims, he’ll probably feel such insane joy that it’ll honestly be difficult for him to hide it. Either that or he’ll kill whoever tries to attack Kalim, and in that case he just won’t feel anything. No matter the scenario, there won’t be any remorse in his heart. But he could also cry in a shower for a reason unknown even to himself afterwards.

Vil…. Oh Vil. Vil is an impulsive killer. He’s rational and humanistic enough to generally think that people shouldn’t be killed, but we’ve seen what he could do when he’s way too overstressed lol So he’ll probably kill someone deliberately, but also out of overwhelming emotions, and then he’ll feel disappointed by himself. He might not feel guilty, but in that case he’ll feel guilty for not feeling guilty. It’s almost like he is a bad person, how could he feel no compassion to the murdered person whatsoever? Is this who he really is, a heartless monster? I also could see him either turning himself in to the police or just leaving his whole life behind and running away, at least at first, until he figures out what’s going on in his heart. Killing is wrong, so why did it feel so right?

Rook is suuuuper comfortable with the idea of murdering someone. He is a hunter and he puts his own meaning in this whole thing – just like a game bird needs to be killed in order for Rook to enjoy the beauty of its delicious meat, sometimes a person needs to be killed just so they don’t piss him off anymore. Of course, the reason is usually not as petty, or at least Rook gives his own poetic Rook spin on it lol

Epel would be a shaking crying throwing up mess after killing a person, even if it was self-defense. He is ferocious, so the guy who he had killed would look like he got attacked by a wild animal and not a frail boy with a knife, but when the adrenalin rush ends and Epel is left with the results of his fury, he’ll definitely have the biggest meltdown of his life. He’d try to do the same thing that Deuce did (bury the body and run away), and he’ll definitely be saddled with guilt, but he’ll also spend a lot of time thinking about just how much the guy deserved it. This is only the beginning of Epel’s troublesome path though, because he’ll definitely get into more trouble as his story continues…

Idia… well, we know what Idia went through already lol we’ve seen his backstory. Of course he didn’t kill Ortho, but he feels like he did, so the emotional rollercoaster he went through is pretty similar in this situation. But if it wasn’t Ortho, but some other person who he would kill physically with his own hands, I feel like Idia would get too overwhelmed, his body would force him to throw up, shut down and go into a coma or something lol But once his physical state is back to (more or less) normal, he’ll cope with what he’s done like he always does – by drowning in his thoughts and feelings. And if he feels guilty, by showering the guy’s family with money (anonymously of course), while snarking at himself that this won’t bring their loved one back and that he is an asshole for doing that. In general, Idia is comfortable with the idea of death, and he knows it’s unavoidable, but he doesn’t like facing it… and even more so, causing it. Maybe it’s due to his selfish personal reasons because of his trauma, at least this is what he would say to himself.

Ortho… wouldn’t care at all. He is way too willing to punish people by frying them with lasers, and he seems to have no concept of giving people second chances and human life being precious lol Maybe because he himself isn’t really an alive human being. He also doesn’t think much about the murders; while he is learning, he still lacks empathy in that department. If a horrible accident happens, I feel like he could be affected by it, but other than that – nah.

I know Lilia is a special case, but I feel like he used to enjoy taking the lives of those who deserved it. Unless ch7 proves me wrong, I’ll keep thinking that Lilia used to be rather ruthless when he was younger lol But at some moment the whole thing got too boring, and then he got even older and wiser and changed his stance on this whole thing. Lilia is very comfortable with death, but he also thinks that every life is precious.

Silver also thinks that every life is precious, so even if he would kill someone (it would definitely be an order, he’s not killing anyone otherwise), he would feel horrible about it. Even if it’s a bad person, even if it’s an enemy, Silver would cry (maybe secretly when he is alone), he would feel responsible for the agony their loved ones are feeling, he would take it extremely close to his heart. He is probably the one to not only remember his first kill, but also remember every single person whose life he had to end. What a nice boy lol

Sebek isn’t as nice, but he also isn’t a psychopath. He’s also young, so his first kill is definitely going to leave an impression on him, maybe haunt him and even make him cry, but he would also really dislike feeling these emotions, because they have nothing to do with his duty and he knows better than to weep for someone who deserved to get killed. That being said, over time he could get desensitized to it that he would actually start to enjoy the power he feels when he ends someone’s life. Maybe it’s cope, maybe it’s him becoming more and more cruel, but with every person Sebek kills, his “armor” gets stronger. Oh, and Sebek is also someone who could kill a person on accident by the way, and in that case his reaction would be more emotional and chaotic, because he definitely wasn’t prepared to face the fact that he is a murderer that day lol

Malleus also doesn’t consider every life precious, because he grew up thinking that people (both fae and humans) aren’t really equal to each other. He has this “distance” between himself and the others and this feeling of loneliness, and he is super petty, so I can see him murdering dozens of people in one move without thinking twice about it. He is way too powerful and mighty to the point that his own humanity gets affected by it, and it’s not unusual for him to get the “well serves you right” feeling towards someone who, even if they wronged him, definitely didn’t deserve to meet such a cruel end. That being said, Lilia did his best to put some empathy and open-mindedness in this boy’s head, so it’s very likely that Malleus would still be affected by the fact that he took someone else’s life. But you know how it is, one moment he cries, and then he just doubles down and starts laughing because feeling powerful and just wiping a large group of people from the face of the earth felt as satisfying as popping a bubble wrap.

[fic-heaven]

Turquoise smoke (Enzo Reyes x Reader)

Angst/ GORE/ one chaotic Reyes/ torture/ random military shit I don't understand/ loss/ heavy pinning

- Reyes never thought he'd end up facing the stress of thinking he lost the love of his life. It had to be a wakeup call, as he never truly confessed how he felt until your ghost appeared at the gates of the base with a promotion and your wittiness intact.

🐥I friggin love writing Reyes 💕

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You weren't even supposed to be on this mission, your presence was a last minute addition. Reyes didn't shy away from voicing up his discomfort and as always, his complains were shut down. After all, SpecGru needed as much help as it could get and for your superiors you were just one face amongst a big platoon. Said mission, involved the SpecGru forces to return valuable stolen Intel as well as the "elimination" of a newly founded terrorist organization. It's HQ was hidden underground on the frontiers of an abandoned village called Türkisfarbene Wiese (Turquoise meadow) therefore this mission was called the Turquoise operation.

Reyes knew you were a badass and could handle yourself perfectly well but this particular mission was nuts and he was adamant on keeping you away from the danger, but the only person equally as stubborn as him (surprisingly and to his dismay) was you. So for your big pair of ovaries YOU had to go and he had to keep quiet about it.

"Are you so afraid of my well-being, Enzo? Do you have a crush on me or something?"

He remembers the way you teased him with that stupid little smirk he wanted to rob you with a kiss. Of course he denied your claims and acted angry all the way there, but fuck he had no idea that would be the last time he'd see you. If only he had known... He would have confessed the feelings he had harboured for you ever since you two begun bantering for the first time.

Enzo scratches his beard aggressively (a nervous tick you always made fun of) sitting on an uncomfortable metallic chair on a far corner of an interrogation room as he replays how the mission went, the sounds of grunts and screams of the room he was in while unanswered questions were thrown became a background noise as his mind projected the symphony of war and carnage of the day he lost you. Reyes remembers the moment they had to call for evac, a rain of bullets falling upon you all as the enemy troops had managed to ambush your three teams at the same bloody time in the middle of the misty night. Most of your soldiers' lives were wasted as the mission had just begun, you didn't even have the chance to focus your attention on one single place when the enemy had surrounded your landing spot, many armed men came from every direction but luckily you managed to hide yourself behind a crusty, rotten fence as it was your only cover while you tried to stop the bleeding from a shot on your thigh. To Enzo's absolute terror the enemy had found you before he could approach and defend your position and snatched your wounded body away just as the friendly helicopter rushed to get the remaining operators out of the butchery of the warzone. His body shivered at the memory of how you screamed when they jabbed a blade into your lower back until one of the terrorists convinced the other to keep you as bait along with a few other soldiers. How your eyes, those eyes normally full of amusement and happiness morphed into panic looking at Reyes as he ascended into the air with the others restraining him from jumping out of the heli to get you.

No one ever saw Reyes without you. Who was Reyes without his (y/n)? Another dumb bastard with no reason to fight but money, the little care he held for humanity vanished compleatly when they left you behind on the enemy's claws.

Your team spent one week with no clue on where you were being kept at, until suddenly out of nowhere, the enemy mailed a couple of videos to your distraught Team Leader. Videos that seemed to have been taken out of a horror movie, videos of your torturers doing things to your body that drove your whole unit nuts. Reyes remembers watching them wide-eyed but emotionless, his autumn eyes never leaving you beautiful damaged and bloodied face from the screen even when the others had to look away or straight up leave the room because they refused to see their dear comrades being handled like that.

You were (Y/n) the unbreakable, the most agile and loyal soldier SpecGru has ever been blessed to have, the comedy relief, everyone's best friend, Reyes' everything. His bunny, his love. They seemed to know how much you meant for your team and your leader, so their tortures were much crueller with you and because of this everyone instantly came to the conclusion that you were dead, because there was simply no way a normal human being could survive for so fucking long the horrors they had put you through.

Laswell and a team she selected personally tracked your location the same day the terrorists sent those videos. Reyes was the first to volunteer to go after you, but Team Leader was sane enough to leave the Canadian out of the rescue mission knowing his impulsiveness could risk the lives of his other teammates and the other hostages, so Enzo waited and waited and finally the team had returned. Not with you, but with the head of the terrorist organization and the other operators they had captured and tortured.

The same man who tortured and played with your beautiful body, who made you scream and make noises that Reyes thought he'd never hear coming from your mouth, that monster was sitting in the same room as him.

Gus and Nova were in charge to keep a close eye on Reyes as well as torture the information out of the captured bastard. But after hours of painful interrogation, none of them got the answers they wanted. Gus, frustrated, let out a raged shout and shoved the auxiliary cart to the side making it rattle loudly as it crashed against the wall almost dropping the torture tools to the floor after his last fruitless attempt to make the villain speak sense. The only words coming from him were broken pleas for mercy, what a coward. Nova was in distress wanting nothing more than to go back to her quarters and cry, and Reyes? He had enough watching from the sidelines and decided to stand up and do something because these two weren't going anywhere with this guy. He probably didn't even know where his own men dropped your body, bastard.

The chair screeched against the floor as Reyes slowly stood up, Gus and Nova had no energy to send him back to his seat, they heard his footsteps approaching slowly but with confidence.

"You took her from me." He spoke emotionless with a blank expression inspecting the bloodied tools in their metallic container. 'These won't suffice' he thought, so he decided to take action with his own hands. Reyes walked to the killer's front, one hand launched forwards and gripped the neck of his shirt while the other rose with a shaky fist ready to hit the criminal square in the nose.

"YOU TOUCHED HER," one punch, "YOU TORTURED HER," another punch, "YOU MURDERED HER," another punch this time cracking bone and his own knuckles, "YOU HID HER FUCKING BODY!" One last punch, before he spared the bastard a few seconds to spit out some broken teeth. "AND YOU EXPECT MERCY WHEN YOU SHOWED NONE!" Enzo gritted his teeth in enraged.

Nova and Gus held him back just when he was about to launch to take a tool from the auxiliary cart to stab the bloodied man to death. Reyes violently squirmed on their hold struggling to push away the other operators, animalistic snarls and yells echoed through the small room. Gus made a quick move to disarm the heartbroken soldier "YOU TOOK HER FROM ME-!" Nova pleaded Enzo to stop with broken sobs, but Reyes couldn't listen as he poured his aching heart, his eyes quickly filled with angry tears he refused to shed "YOU ROBBED ME...!! YOU-!"

"STOP!" Nova slapped him so hard his whole body shagged to the side, Gus huffed in effort trying to pull him up, then proceeded to sit the heaving brunette on the chair he previously sat on, bloodied knuckles shaking on his lap, his dark chocolate hair hiding his expression from the pitied stares from his comrades. The two of them shared a heavy look, Gus nods and Nova sighs trying to hide her pain putting a neutral expression.

"Where is she. It's a simple question."

The man stayed silent except from some wet pants and gargles trying to spit the flowing blood from his broken mouth and nose to the floor. Nova continued.

"Let's make this easy, i don't want to hurt you."

"But I will." Reyes clears.

"Mae, stop." Gus tried to warn Enzo, but this only seemed to infuriate him further.

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING HOLE! We've got the bastard where we wanted and now you blink!?" Enzo yells, his voice lazed with heartbreak showing more emotion than he had shown this whole week without you. There was a pregnant pause amongst the three operators, the anger and resentment was palpable. The loss struck them too hard, but they had to remain professional or else this whole interrogation would be for nothing.

"We've got orders and we will stick to them, luv..." Nova said calmly but Reyes had other plans. The images he had seen on the monitor haunted him until today, he couldn't sleep, couldn't eat more than a few sad portions of fruit Gus forced him to have, if he wasn't complaining about what happened or keeping tabs on the investigation he kept quiet. Reyes had become too hot to hold, the bubble of suppressed emotions did nothing but grow and grow the longer they spent searching for a trace of your body and now it had to explode or else he'd lose his god-damned mind more than he already has.

The culprit just sits here in total silence. Seeing his pathetic non-cooperative self pushed Reyes to ready himself to have the tumor that infected his life extirpated just like he had done to you.

Enzo stands up again, slower this time to feign a much calmer state as not to alert his teammates. He huffs, licks his lower lip and nods.

"Yeah?... Yeah, well fuck that."

Gus felt a firm tug on his belt, a shuffle from the man in front of him and in a blink the hostage's brains were scattered all over the stone floor reaching the wall and a small portion of the ceiling behind him. Reyes had snatched Gus' shotgun out of his holder and ended the captive's life like one would kill a bug with a sandal. The gore was so impacting that Nova, wide-eyed and frightened, turned away quickly facing the opposite wall where the exit was with both hands covering her ears, the ringing of the shot rattled her head like a thousand nails. Gus stared in shock, watching every detail of the open skull that a second ago was a head, his heartbeats were so strong he could hear nothing but them, his knees slightly shaking with adrenaline. Meanwhile Reyes spat on the body, the splutter of saliva mixed with the scrambled brain matter on the cracked shell of the criminal's cranium. The only clue that incriminated Enzo of what he had done was a droplet of blood that landed on his sleeve. He'll have to wash that later with much satisfaction that he had avenged you after all.

"This look suits the son of a bitch better don't ya think?" Reyes smirks at his frozen and silent companions to later look down at the corpse with a sneer "This is for my (Y/n), you little bitch." He spat once more, throwing a stomp that landed right onto what resembled an eyeball.

Enzo handed Gus the shotgun but the Rican was still in shock refusing to look at his brother in arms while clenching his fists to his sides trying to cease their tremble, so Reyes simply dropped the weapon to the floor beside his petrified friend, the sound of the clattering firearm made Gus flinch before Reyes stormed out opening the metal door with a hard shove, several people were already rushing in to see what the fuck just happend alerted by the shot. Nova yelled Enzo's name from inside the torture room, the initial scare had frozen her on the spot not letting a single step be planted, her voice echoed through the hall calling for him as Enzo, suddenly feeling lighter, left the place and his shocked mates further behind with each rushed step he took.

"(Y/n), I did it. I finally did it." He whispered down to your dog tags that hanged from his neck "What now...?"

What now? You weren't coming back to him. Did he feel any better for killing your killer? He felt lighter before until it turned into nothing. Reyes now could only feel bitterness because the pain didn't lessen, because you weren't there to congratulate or annoy him with one of your witty lines to cheer him up. His breathing got heavier, he need you to breath for him again because he couldn't breath for you as you were no longer here, he'd give you his lungs, all of his organs and his very soul so you could still be roaming in the land of the living. Nova once told him it was easier to fight for a person rather than a flag. Now that he knows what it is to lose said person, he regrets wanting to have you in the first place. How cruel could you be that even if he never told you that he loved you you managed to cut him so deep by leaving him behind when he was still trying to plan a way to confess? You left without hearing what he wanted to say. You cruel, unfair bitch.

His lower lip wobbles, his hand fisted your dog tags so hard his bloodied knuckles stung, but he cuts it soon with a sigh. Reyes rolled his shoulders lighting up a cig heading to the exit when suddenly someone grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him against the brick wall dropping the cig with the harsh impact on his back. Team Leader.

"TL! And then I thought you'd miss all the fun. Weren't you in a meeting?"

"What the HELL happened in there, Reyes!?"

"I solved all our problems, that's what happened." Reyes said with not a single ounce of regret.

This was the last straw. TL punched Reyes on his stomach making the operator fold forwards with a loud cough as he fought not to vomit his breakfast. Team Leader looked down at him with disappointed but very notable pain and desperation. He finally caught the bastard, SpecGru finally had the chance to track your body so they could accomplish the mission that remained paused, but Enzo had to mess everything up like always. He was an uncontrolled animal that only stayed alive because god had condemned a crueler fate for him, to live in grief. Reyes was a soldier so driven by his negative emotions he'd end up dragging all of you to hell with him, and that is something TL feared as he knew that the only person who could tame the beast within him was you. And you were laying dead somewhere.

"Tell me how we are going to find her now. TELL ME!" Screamed the older man, his booming voice never affecting the already broken operator.

TL's paternal instincts over you were strong, they were so strong that unlike Reyes and most of the others, he couldn't bare to watch the tapes of your torture and the audios from the torturers confirming your death. Instead, he confided in Laswell to pretty much give him the most important details and help with your disappearance however she could. Both men were very important to you, a father figure and a love interest, and their aching hearts at your loss roared louder than ever as suddenly Kate Laswell's head popped in from the exit, the alarm in her eyes speaking a thousand words that vented from her mouth in one single sentence.

"She's been spotted at the gates of the base."

Everything was a blur then. Reyes ran for his life almost knocking the poor woman in the middle of his sprint and dropping his pack of cigarettes to the floor.

______

How in god's name you managed to walk so many miles from where they had kept you to the base was beyond them. They said you carried a superhuman strength with a remarkable will to live because at the sight of you, all of your teammates and even TL (against his own paternal love for you) could only think death was the best option for you, a mercy even.

Was it a blessing or a curse that you were still alive and breathing? Reyes pondered over this when he managed to push pass the crowd of people surrounding your bed at the infirmary only to be kicked out of the room by TL and the other nurses.

Your feet were covered in blisters, one of your arms was broken, you had multiple scratches and grime covering your skin and torn uniform, a split lip, a bleeding eye from a vertical cut that went from your hairline to your higher cheek (an eye you'll end up losing, sadly), suffered a grave head trauma, all of your nails from your feet to your hands were missing, a shot-through leg and you were showing signs of strong anxiety at the feeling of many eyes on you, that's why TL had cleared the room before you could speak to him privately about what happened since you were in no condition to write a full report, he wrote it for you as he listened and waited for you to finish so he could ask his own questions and express his obvious worry.

Even after the nightmare you had endured you chose to live and complete the mission alone. You kept loyal to SpecGru even when they had left you behind during the retreat, you didn't feel a speck of betrayal and your TL couldn't be more prouder and guilty, his admiration and respect for you earned you a raise and you were soon promoted. You used the little strength you had left to explain your story in full detail before you collapsed, this is the info TL had collected:

After they tortured and threw you to a lake in the middle of nowhere because you wouldn't talk and your team was taking far longer than they had liked to come get you, you woke up when some fishermen dragged your body away from the shore. Once him and his family had healed some of your wounds, you forced yourself to return where you came from and managed to recover the Intel SpecGru considered lost, later infiltrated and rescued the civilians and the other operators who got captured and tortured finding them a provisional hideout until they could contact anyone from outside the village, you left the morning after and exploded the factory the enemy used for their suppliers to deploy their weapons and ammunition, uncovered their contacts and said suppliers by hacking on their database before you scaped the enemy's territory and found a way to contact the CIA when you were leaving the village as the others had already found SpecGru's rescue team. Sadly they had already parted to the base and simply couldn't return to get you because of the fatal wounds all of the hostages had suffered, they couldn't trade over eleven lives for just one lost soldier. (Of course no one told Reyes about this or hell would have broken lose.) Being left behind again, you stole an enemy vehicle and drove until it ran out of gas, managed to sneak inside a trash truck and got off to walk all the way from one city to the base. All of this carrying a heavy bag filled with Intel and other important stuff, a half melted revolver, a shit ton of ammunition, one improvised knife and a grenade you explained you'd have used as a last resort to explode yourself with the important documents and information about SpecGru if the enemy managed to find you again.

You passed out two days ago and the word spread around base about your incredible accomplishments and your well-deserved promotion. Reyes easily snook inside your room by the window and kept sneaking in for two more days until TL officially allowed him the entry after getting a worried call from the doc. Enzo kept close watch on you and didn't allow anyone in but the nurse. He could do nothing but stare at you as if you were a painting displayed in a museum, untouchable and beautiful, his darling lay there all wrapped in bandages, your cheerful, teasing expression was a mere echo as your swollen face and puffy split lip showed nothing but exhaustion, you were unrecognizable. You didn't look like yourself and he blamed himself every day for it, but at least he could touch you, at least you were breathing and that's all that mattered.

It's the fifth day and Reyes has to leave for a few weeks to another fucking mission when he hasn't even fully recovered psychologically from what happened in the Turquoise operation.

Before he left, instead of giving you your dog tags back, he gave you his own placing them on the table next to you. As expected by doc, you woke up one day later after Reyes' departure (The luck on this guy...) And girl, you were in so much pain. But it was the comfort you received by waking up to the blinding reflection of the window's light hitting the dog tags that after close inspection you found they belonged to Reyes, what made the pain worth it. The pain of being alive. The sweet ache of getting one more chance to be with Reyes. Reyes...

"R-Reyes..." You whimper out.

"Holy fuck." Nova exclaimed startling you a bit. "Oh shit!" She cursed stumbling from her chair before she properly stood up "BOLLOCKS!" She yells this time making you squint and flinch at the squawking sound of her voice. She gave you a half-assed apology before she ran out of the room to call for the doctor.

______

The following week was nuts. Adapting to having one eye and trying to recover from the bullet wound from your thigh, fractured arm and other pains all across your body was difficult, but you made progress every day.

At first you couldn't quite get used to seeing all the fresh new scars on your body and your aim had worsened now that you had one eye but to everyone's surprise you still pressed on trying to recover your sore senses and exercise daily eager to get back to action. More than once your doctor, TL and Nova had to remind you not to overdo it, as training excessively could only make you backtrack on all the healing and progress you worked so hard on making.

You were an inspiration to many and you wouldn't shy away from cheering the rookies and answer some questions so long they didn't ask you to describe in detail the tortures you had endured. Nova was wary though, always keeping a close eye on you and reminding you to send a message to the boys (Gus and Reyes) whenever you could in your group chat as they were still worried sick, specially Reyes.

"This guy..." You muttered to yourself.

You and Nova were on cleaning duty when you stopped a few minutes ago to send a quick text to keep tabs on the boys as they were returning from a certain base in Rome they were assigned to go to do god-knows-what about the Turquoise operation. The trip had prolonged and you missed them dearly.

"What's up?" Nova asked behind her shoulder as she was finishing mopping the floor near the door.

"Nah, Gus told me they're alright... It's just Reyes he's so..."

"Infuriating? Annoying? Ugly? Halfwit? Demonic even?"

"No-? I mean yeah, that's Reyes!" You chuckle flicking her messy bun. "It's just..." You sigh. "He's not talkin' to me... And I don't know why. Well, i get that he gets all serious while he's working, we all do, but he has never left me on read."

Nova arched a brow at that while gathering your cleaning stuff and walking out with you by her side. You continue. "He actually never did until now, be jealous all you like."

"I ain't jealous, gurl. Pity on you he actually replies to anything you say, he's an a-hole." Even if Nova and Reyes bicker a lot you know how much they love each other dearly, like two siblings bounded by the blood they spill in battle and not by DNA.

A few minutes later, you two walked to the barracks where you showed her the messages you have been sending Reyes since the day after you woke up. They weren't that deep or long (that's what she said) so you didn't fear she'd find out about your crush on your mutual friend so long she didn't scroll up.

Nila sighs when she's done reading and sits you on her bunk bed with a somber look. "Oh boy, I know that look." You mock trying to lighten up the mood a bit but she isn't affected.

"(Y/n). You didn't do anything wrong. We didn't talk much about what happened when you woke up for obvious reasons, the boys left and you were still fresh from the trauma n' shit, not to mention that this week you were still resting or busy with rehab so we didn't find the right time..."

"What are you on about Nils? It's no biggie-"

"No biggie!?" She snaps and your eyes widen. "We left you behind not once but twice! You suffered alone and we could do nothing but pray that the rescue team had any luck finding you because Team Leader didn't let us volunteer thinking feelings would get in the way and we'd cause more casualties, fuck! We even thought you were dead-!" She cried the last part with a very noticeable knot on her throat, she was shaking, her face darkened by grief, frustration and regret. You wrapped your friend in a hug she quickly returned with a sob, your eye patch felt cold against her heating skin, Nila shivered, another reminder of what she just said.

To be honest you had assumed they considered you dead, but you didn't have much time to ponder on how that would affect your friends... Your Reyes... Or even Team Leader who went far and beyond to find you and leave your friends out of the terrible mission of finding your corpse. The guilt they must have felt for leaving you behind twice, by total accident of course, and Nova's fat tears were enough proof that said guilt still plagued them until today.

Nova cleared her throat moving backwards a little while cleaning her tear stained face. "Reyes can't speak to you. Not because he doesn't want to-"

"I know. I see..." You could only imagine how Enzo felt.

And with that, you two heard Humvees approaching the main building, a cloud of sand and dust followed their trail until they parked the vehicles and soon, you could spot the shape of Rodriguez and Reyes angrily speaking to one another. Gus' expressive body language picked more exaggeration pushing Reyes to respond in kind but more violently poking a finger to the Rican's chest and snarling words you couldn't quite comprehend from the distance between the barrack's windows and the parking lot.

"Jesus... Weren't they supposed to arrive in like, another few days?"

But Nova said this to no one as you had already left to join the other men.

To say your presence was imposing to your battle mates was an understatement, though the teasing grin you carried that was so characteristic of you made everyone lit up a bit seeing as you haven't lost yourself in what happened and despite the promotion shit, the fresh scars and eye patch, (Y/n) was still (Y/n).

"What? Did y'all get needy being apart from mommy for so long? Is that's why you had to cut the mission short?" The men around you laughed and greeted you with wide smiles and gentle pats but a certain someone didn't like that comment one bit. And that certain someone punched the brick wall next to the parking spot so hard that he grunted in pain, Gus sighed shaking his head and you turned to where he was looking judging by his reaction.

When Reyes and you made eye contact, he froze. His mouth went agape, his left hand was gripping his right one that bled through the gloves he was wearing, his eyes went from your eye patch to the scars on your neck down your chest and legs and finally back to your face. It was like he was seeing a ghost. But Gus broke the moment giving you a strong bear hug from behind, you couldn't help but chuckle out loud turning around and hugging him just as strongly but mindful of your sore wounds.

"Mi cielo... Me tenías tan preocupado." (My sky... You got me so worried.) The big man whined burying his face on your neck, his moustache tickled you and you scratched his curly hair humming comfortingly. "Hello to you too, osito."

He moved his head back a little inspecting your face. "An eye patch huh? You look like a pirate!"

"Hmm, 'Pirate'... That's another name to the list. Gotta think of a proper codename soon or I fear y'all will end up choosing one for me."

"Oh, so the new rank comes with a new codename? Should I also call you ma'am." You smirked at him pinching his nose and he squinted with a complain "Ow, hey! My snot-" Gus' hands shot out ready to tackle you until you moved out of his grasp to where Reyes previously was but the Canadian was already gone. Gus reads your surprise and disappointment quickly.

"He probably headed to the doc's to get new stitches again..."

"Again?" You repeated, and Rodriguez's face said it all, his moustache quirking to the side with a grimace.

He's been having anger attacks...

"The gremlin needs you." Nova suddenly said behind you spooking you a bit but you recovered and nodded quickly to which Gus replied "He dropped his pills, he'll have to come get them soon for his headaches and his back pain, it's almost five o'clock..." When he finished he shook the bottled pills to make a point.

Nova smirks "See? He's like a gremlin, he comes with instructions and everything, the fucker."

______

It didn't take long for your group of three to find Reyes.

Gus said he'd be at the doctor's office but it was Nova with her "asshole radar" who got his exact location right: the small rocky trail between the bushes of the gates where they had found you and the brick wall next to the ammunition storage facilities. (She knew he'd be there because after you passed out of exhaustion when you arrived, he used to sit there looking at the spot where they saw you as if looking at it long enough would erase the memory of seeing you laying there half-dead.)

Of course, Nova fled before confronting an irritable Reyes as she knew they'd end up falling into an endless screaming match with you and Rodriguez trying to calm both parties. So that led to you and Gus to walk out of the building with a half-assed excuse of keeping watch on the gates.

When you approached Reyes' figure near the bushes, Gus told you to wait so he'd try to ready Reyes to speak to you for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. You understood quickly and stood out of sight.

It felt like an hour had passed, your eye switched between the courtyard to the gates from time to time, always watchful that you guys wouldn't get caught and an earful from any superior out there. That if you haven't been spotted already, because this area was well watched as it was right behind the armory and the fear of the now neutralized organization resurging from the ashes to avenge their fallen leader was still palpable amongst your comrades.

A whistle reached your ears, Gus was calling you from the thin trail and you followed. Just when you neared their spot you picked Reyes' agitated voice bitching at Rodriguez before he shut up compleatly when he heard your footsteps.

“Gus, go find your nuts they’re probably hidden beneath your twat, and fuck off,” Reyes spat lastly, head thrown back as he winces huffing a curse down his breath when he sees you approaching with a soft expression.

"Always a gentleman, hermano. Next time, don't come crying to me when i refuse to aid you in any fucking discussion and/or cure your wounds, torpe llorón..." (Clumsy crybaby) Gus bites back, he gives you a patient look as to say "he's your problem now." And you nod him goodbye but Gus surprises you when he throws the little plastic container of pills to Reyes' feet where the man was sitting on the dirt, his back against the brick wall staring daggers at the other operator.

"Make sure he takes them if you hear him whining, amor." Gus says before pursing his lips twice throwing two kisses your way and leaving the trail as a final goodbye.

Reyes gives you a side glance you don't catch because of your blind eye but you can feel it. When you turn to him he's looking elsewhere suddenly quiet. You smirk, kneel to his level and squeeze his tense shoulder.

"You know, I've gained a few new nicknames around base, and It took me a long while to choose witch one would make a cool codename. They were all so edgy."

He remained quiet brushing your hand off with a firm shake on his shoulder, the only clue you got that he was listening was his heavy breathing.

"While waitin' for you two to stop your bickering I finally decided Turquoise smoke or Smoke for shorts. Fittin' right? That's obviously because they couldn't grasp me again when I fled." The look Reyes gives you as in incredulous but tired of your bullshit makes you chuckle. His hand raises to scratch his beard harshly enough to make angry red lines on his pale skin.

"Talk to me..." You speak lowly seeking to ease the tension, coaxing the man to open up like you've done a thousand times before. And yet, the Reyes before you doesn't seem as cooperative as you knew him to be.

"I've always hated you." He sighs and this makes your smile falter. Over the thousand terrible things he had said in your presence, he has never said anything like this and the fact that it's directed to you feels like a stab. His eyes are on yours or rather on YOUR, to be real, as he looks at your eye patch he sneers in disgust and this makes you raise up from your crouching position.

"When you came to my life you quickly became a big pain in my ass. Always fucking loud, always fucking witty... Playing girly pop on a man's job."

He was just being mean, Reyes' cruelty was a defense mechanism you were used to eating up. It never bothered you in the slightest as you knew he didn't really mean what he said but he could spit some powerful venom whenever he wanted.

"The day you started makin' a name for yourself I became less liked. I stopped getting calls from any of our team leaders and people stopped takin' me that seriously. Must be cool right?" Enzo smiles cruelly up at you, his gloveless hands (now wrapped in bandages) played with the bottled pills. "To be TL's bitch. Reyes' tamer, huh? Must be fuckin' brilliant." At the end of the sentence, he harshly threw the pills somewhere on the trail where you came from.

"Reyes..." You chocked out.

He stands up abruptly then making you step back, his oak eyes look down at you in an intimidating way. "Did you also get a delicious raise for having to tame SpecGru's disgrace? I'm sure you did. Now you can parade around with all those awesome battle scars, a new rank and that ridiculous pirate eye patch like you are Nick Fury or some clown like that."

You try to recover your wit firmly believing your awful humour could bring him back to his senses "Hey, hey, show some respect to Nick Fury, man. At least i look stylish, I'm not the one who wears sunglasses over the head and never uses them." You feign offense and accuse him desperately trying not to take any of this seriously.

Enzo was about to yell something colorful but instead bit down his lip with a forced smile shaking his head before he growled lowly "Always so funny, you..." He honest to God looked like he was holding a fart but you knew if you voiced your thoughts he'd end up strangling you on the spot.

"I should kill you right now. Finish what they started." He said approaching you with newfound determination and this made you physically backtrack until your back was against the fence and he was a few millimeters from your face raising his hands to grip on the metallic wires of the fence by your sides effectively caging you. He could see the pain then. How that last whip mentioning those bastards actually did hurt you. Enzo waited a few seconds for you to say something, anything, but you were looking up at him silent, with a forced little smile trying to hide that for once, he did crack you, all the playfulness had abandoned you as you faced the man you loved stabbing you with his words.

As stupid as it is, as hypocrite as he felt, it pained him to hurt you, all in all it was the truth and it was clear when his hardened face didn't hold his frown for one more second as it melted into a sorrowful grimace, a loud sob scaped his lips, a tear hit your cheek as Reyes broke down quite literally when his body shagged downwards, his hands still gripped firmly at the fence holding his stance.

You could feel a terrible burn from your right eye and when tears begun gathering on your left one you knew the nature of the burn came from the flowing tears your damaged orb tried to shed but it wasn't as strange as seeing Reyes cry, though you couldn't see him properly because he hanged his head low at the height of your chest as to hide his pain. The only time you saw him cry was when Nova was so mad at him she shoved wax sticks up his nosetrils while he was napping, when he angrily tried to pull them off he cried like he had witnessed his entire family get killed. But this is obviously different.

These weren't tears coming from an idiotic prank. These tears came from heartbreak and loss.

Enzo's wavering voice came raspy as he fought and failed to contain the grief he had tried to hold in for so fucking long. "You keep joking and pretending nothing happend." He wept. "I can't stand a second having to look at you and see how they mangled your body..." Then your eye widened as Reyes stood up properly forcing himself to look at you directly. His lips wobble trying to continue, the vulnerability written on his face was making the flow of your tears quicken and you hissed in discomfort, a palm shooting up to your eye patch and Reyes didn't waste a minute reacting to your obvious pain. Suddenly all the hatred he wanted to express left him as he cooed at you trying to sooth the ache anyhow, his hands cupped your wet cheeks, thumbs gently brushing your skin and he opted to hold you close to his body when he felt useless that he couldn't make the pain go away.

"Don't say that-" You choked out through the pain.

Reyes looked down at you startled by the emotional tone in your voice and you shook against his chest meeting his stare. "Do you have any idea how many times I thought I'd die? The desperation I felt when I was left behind not once but twice!? How I could only think about your mean ass every minute of every day as I pulled through the mission ALONE to return, fall on a few day's coma and find out you were gone again... And now that I get to finally see you, with all my heartache, my fucking love for you and my stupid humour trying desperately to sooth you because, trust me, I know you had suffered, Nova and Gus told me because you still keep to yourself. You have the gal to wish I was dead!?"

"NEVER IN MY FUCKING LIFE!" He screamed and you were now fully surprised no one had caught you two yet.

Reyes lowers his head down, his hands cupping your cheeks still, eyes staring between your eye and the eye patch. "I wanted to die so bad..." He cries "To leave this shitty life praying to meet you in the next one..." You bit your lower lip and closed your eye trying to cease your crying as it was irritating your wounded eye and the few scars on your face.

"I love you, woman." It was the desperation in which the words were thrown in the heavy air that made your eye flutter back open, your shaky hands rose to hold his face and beg that, just by the look you were giving Reyes, he understood that you felt the same because you couldn't speak.

"If you were to leave me again I-" But he caught himself before he let out another pitiful tear. He felt too weak, and as much as he loves feeling weak for you, he couldn't keep letting you see him cry as your sympathy got the best of you and would make you keep crying as well hurting your wounds further with your salty tears.

"They'll have to do worse than that in order to keep me from you Enzo..." When you said this he lowered his eyes to your neck quickly spotting his dog tags, one hand quickly picked yours from under his shirt absentmindedly.

"I'll dig out your fucking body from wherever they burry you if I must to take these back." He said lowly. "Until then, keep 'em."

"I've always imagined a wedding band but these will suffice~" You purred and Reyes smiled, his sad eyes still present.

The smile and the following kiss was enough to seal the promise that no matter what. From this day on. You two were a pack.

"Give me some time, Smokey. Weddin' bands can be annoying to wear in battle and the one I planned to get ya isn't cheap."

[ts1m1kas]

Original Ask: i just kinda had the idea, to actually connect them, that when she wakes up again (i know the boss just gave her a little about of time to leave work, but maybe he just changed his mind 😅) she actually tells him that she can stay for the next game (anon/hannah)

Word Count: 928 words

(author's note: can be read as a part 2 to this fic or as a standalone !!)

Y/N began to stir from her sleep when the early morning sun streamed through the hotel curtains. She could feel the weight of her boyfriend’s arms around her waist as she turned to look at him. Robin’s face was relaxed and his eyes were still closed with peacefulness adorning his features.

Surprisingly, Y/N didn’t feel tired at all, even though she had endured a long, tedious flight the day before. In her opinion, finally being back in Robin’s embrace was enough to re-energize her.

Leaning over to the bedside table, Y/N grabbed her phone whilst being careful not to wake Robin. When she unlocked it and began to go through her notifications, there was one that stood out. Her boss had emailed her and explained that she could take the next week off of work to attend her boyfriend’s next game.

Y/N couldn’t believe what she was reading. As she typed up a very thankful response, a plan was forming in her mind. Her idea was to keep this newfound information a secret from Robin and then surprise him by turning up to the game. Shooting a quick text to Florian explaining the situation, she got him on board. 

Now she just had to keep it a secret.

After scrolling on her phone for a while longer, Y/N noticed Robin’s eyes flutter open. He blinked a few times as Y/N turned her phone off and then brought his hand to his face to rub his eyes.

“Morning liebe, did you sleep well?” Robin croaked out, his voice was always much different in the mornings, his German accent far more prominent.

“Mhm, I always sleep much better when I’m with you.”

Robin tightened his grasp on his girlfriend and buried his head into the crook of her neck. He began pressing soft, featherlight kisses to the skin of her neck, ignoring his girlfriend’s squirming and protests.

“It tickles Robin, stop,” Y/N said letting out a small giggle.

He moved his head and tilted it so he was looking at Y/N, “I can’t believe you have to go home before the game. I really wish you could stay.”

Y/N suppressed a knowing smile, “I know baby, but my boss won’t authorise it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault schatz,” Robin said sadly.

Her boyfriend’s sad expression and demeanour broke Y/N’s heart, but she knew the surprise would be worth it in the end.

The couple’s ‘final’ day together flew by quickly and it wasn’t long before they were tucked up in bed together again. Robin had been extra clingy with his girlfriend all day, the thought of her going home upset him more than he would like to admit.

When morning came, Y/N had all her belongings packed away and was standing at the door saying goodbye to Robin.

“I’m gonna miss you so much liebe, I hate saying goodbye.”

“I’ll miss you too Rob, so much.”

The pair exchanged one last hug before Y/N opened the door and headed towards the lift at the end of the corridor. Robin watched her walk away with unshed tears glistening in his eyes. Unbeknownst to him, Y/N only travelled one floor down to the room Florian was staying in so she could leave her bags in his room.

Plans were discussed and Y/N booked a taxi to take her to the stadium. Florian said goodbye and headed outside to get on the team bus with the rest of the players. He noticed how downcast Robin was but he feared he would expose the secret if he talked to him.

Meanwhile, Y/N was travelling to the stadium to get seated in the family area. She was wearing one of Robin’s jerseys and the excitement she was feeling was barely containable. Once she finally pulled up outside the stadium, she thanked the driver and headed to her seat.

From her position in the box, she could see the players emerging from the tunnel. Her face lit up when she spotted Robin walking onto the pitch. Pride swelled in her chest as she watched him sing the German national anthem with his teammates.

The game itself was relatively stress-free and Germany won by 2-0. The player’s wives, children and parents filed onto the pitch to congratulate their loved ones. Y/N followed suit, searching for her boyfriend in the huge crowd. 

When she spotted him talking to Jamal and Florian, her heart skipped a beat, “Robin!”

At the sound of his name, Robin looked around confusedly, wondering who had called out for him. Before he could even figure out who it was, Y/N ran towards him and threw her arms around his waist. Looking down, Robin’s eyes widened when he realised who was currently hugging him.

“Y/N? Liebe what are you doing here? I thought you went home?”

Y/N stared up at her boyfriend with the biggest smile on her face, “Suprise! My boss let me have the next week off so could watch a couple of your games and-”

Before Y/N could even finish her sentence, Robin leaned down and smashed his lips into hers. The ferocity of his kiss nearly made Y/N lose her balance, but Robin quickly held onto her waist to steady her.

When they broke away, they were both panting in an attempt to catch their breath.

“I love you so much,” Robin stated, “No wonder I played so well tonight, I had my good luck charm here all along.”

[lavender-bundle-blithe]

BSD + Pokemon Pt. 1.5 (ADA + PM Extras!)

I ran out of space on the last one... So here's more! And since it's a shorter list, I don't need to place the 'keep reading' bit WOO-!

ADA

Katai: Rotom (An electric Pokemon for Katai's electric Ability, but very much a helpful companion when it comes to Katai's work as an information broker, even though he's now a former member of the agency. And for the funies, they could either be just like Katai and like to doze or the complete opposite and be like a puppy with zoomies.)

Naomi: Zorua (To match Tanizaki's Hisuian Zorua, really-)

Haruno: Eevee (She just seems like an Eevee girl to me. If I were to give her an Eeveelution though, I would have give her Leafeon.)

PM

Oda: Absol (compliments Oda's "Flawless" with him able to see six seconds into the future and Absol able to detect danger by their horn. [note, I wrote this one before I wrote Dazai's])

Ace: Carbink (One word but several synonyms. Gemstone. Jewels. Crystals. Ya get the gist-)

Verlaine: Midday Form Lycanroc (To more or less match with his color palette [by that I mean his hair] and as well as Chuuya's Lycanroc)

Rimbaud: Pumpkaboo (I dunno, it just seems to fit the man. And- uh- also I took the fact that IRL author is a French poet, and Kalos is Pokemon's equivalent to France, soooo… I cheesed it, I'm sorry.)

Albatross: Revavroom (I'll be honest; I don't know much of the Flags, mainly their personalities, so I'm purely going on the bsd fandom wiki. And here, it says that Albatross was responsible for the mafia's vehicles. It was either this ghost car engine or Cyclizar… O-Or either Koraidon or Miraidon… hm-)

Doc: Litwick (Yes, the Nurse Joys in the anime have the usual Pokemon as their assistant, but they can have other Pokemon. And seeing Doc's description, Litwick seems like the best option when it comes to: "desipite the amount of people he had saved, he had also purposely robbed as many lives in his line of work". Basically Litwick's flame absorbs life energy.)

Iceman: Marshadow (Looking at it now, reading his personality after his occupation, Marshadow seems like the best candidate. Marshadow can merge well in the shadows, keeping itself hidden from people. And in Iceman's description in skills>stealth: "Iceman had the expertise of blending well with his surroundings like a shadow.")

Lippmann: Ninetails (Staring at that man's face, and the fact that he was the one dealing with public relations in the mafia, a really fancy Pokemon suited him. And it came down to Ninetails, Florges, and surprisingly Frosmoth. Unfortunately we don't have them in color BUT we have STAGEPLAYYY, and Ninetails definitely suits this handsome man.)

Piano Man: Gimmighoul (My guy deals with crafting supernotes. Money. Gimmighoul may be a coin, but is the closest to money in the Pokemon universe. So give the funny man a coin for his troubles. I was actually thinking about giving him Chien-Pao, but that's pushing the hc/au[?] that he and Atsushi are related [yes I am on that bandwagon, I adore that hc/au please gimme more unless I write more])

and ye =w= I'll likely do the Guild tomorrow. I already have some ideas for a few of their members, and maybe a few extras as well, maybe the Special Division folks and--to hell with it--Mushitarou ^^

[1000fiction]

Kinktober 2023 - Day 11

Sensory Deprivation Ft Enthir

Authors notes, honestly, not a fan of this, looking forward to coming back and doing a full edit.

It was quite spectacular, the effect denying one's senses could have on a person. You grow to accustomed to them, take them for granted. And to steal one away drags a sense of vulnerability out from within that you never knew was there. The basement was a place to be vulnerable. 

The Frozen Hearth was quiet on an average day, and beneath it was quieter still. Enthir personal haven away from the prying eyes of the college, where less… moral business could take place. Between his dodgy deals and association with the thieves guild, you'd found his little hide-out, and it'd become your sanctuary also. Surprisingly, the mer was accommodating, especially when you were willing to cater to his more… questionable propersistions.

He'd tried it on you first, the blind fold, robbing you of sight indeed had an effect but it wasn't very often you knew what the man was up to anyways. 

Then it was touch, wrists bound behind your back as his hands had their way with you. Infuriatingly, you could watch as his cock leaked, ignored as he made you cum with just his fingers and tongue, watching as you desperately fought against your bindings. Just wanting to reach out and return the favour. 

He didn't realise gagging you would affect him more than you, hadn't realised how wild your moans and whimpers impacted him. God's how he missed hearing his name on your lips, that gorgeous way you'd whisper "please" with tears welling in your eyes.

He'd compensated by robbing you of hearing, ears plugged, you hadn't heard the unusually crowded gathering upstairs. Couldn't hear how you echoed, how you willed in desperation for his cock, his touch, how you announced your need for him. You didn't know. But everyone upstairs did. 

You'd had a taste of everything, been exposed to sheer vulnerability in all those little ways. But now it was his turn, and what a sight it was.

Beautifully naked, bound at his wrists and ankles to the same wooden chair. Ears plugged, mouth gagged and drooling, petite fangs peeking out from the confines of the cloth. The swathe of fabric that coverd his eyes dug gently into his skin, pressing against sharp cheekbones and hugging the angles of his face. 

You took the time to observe. Take in the wonderful sight of Enthir completely at your mercy, how he twitched and turned to track you down, straining to reach you, to hear you, all in vain. You watched as his cock throbbed in anticipation, pulsing with the rapid beating of his heart, how his skin began to perspire, droplets on his back, running between his shoulder blades and down his spine. 

You crept closer, blowing a stream of air against the pointed tip of his ear, the shiver it elicited thrilled you. You came around to sit in his lap, cock nestled between your thighs, tip resting against your belly. 

"I can't wait to watch your come undone" 

He moaned desperately, leaning into the palm you placed on his cheek, hips rutting gently, unknowing to the gentle threat you'd given him. He couldn't see the near crazed grin that grew on your lips.

Your fun was about to begin. 

[thepaintedlady00]

Nightshade

Chapter 19 | Chapter 21

Chapter 20: Interlude - The Saint

TW: some fluff, our idiots are reflecting on their big feelings, Lena remembers the important thing she was supposed to be doing last chapter, angst, shouting, lots of blame getting passed around and everyone's sayin shit they don't mean, cruel words, grief, flashbacks, heartwarming advice, and reassurance, big hugs and make ups. I'm SO sorry that this chapter (and next) are so late! Life just got absolutely insane and I had to restructure and rewrite a ton of this chapter so it kept getting put off. But, she's here! I'm still not 100% happy with it, but I'm not gonna let my perfectionism rob y'all of a chapter for another month! Chapter 21 should be following tomorrow or the day after if life decided to let me breathe for five minutes! Thank y'all so much for your patience! Enjoy!

Jack Harrow was a man of many talents. He could throw a punch that would send his opponent to the floor like they'd been hit by a goddamn bus. He could take a hit too, straight to the face like it was nothing. He was an artist at cutting hair and taking care of stray animals as well as stray kids. He was a decent singer with a surprisingly smooth voice - a fact you'd never know about him if you'd only heard the slew of curses he knew. And Jack was quite the cook, in his mind at least.

Jack Harrow was a man of many talents. He was a fighter, a barman, a son, a lover, a father, and then he was dead.

It didn't hurt in the end, and it was quick enough that he hadn't caused too much hassle for those around him. He'd felt it coming, that quiet cold that seemed to numb him, and so he'd watched his beautiful daughter dote on him one last time, talking at length about how his boys would be there soon with a movie for him to watch. Ghostbusters. His favorite. Jack waited until Ozzy came - he'd wanted to wait for his boy too, but deep down, he knew there wasn't time for that - so, giving the man he loved one last kiss before the cold really hit him, Jack accepted his fate.

He forced his stiff fingers to uncurl around his jacket, holding it out to his baby with a smile. "Keep an eye on this for me?" She started to protest. "Just for a bit."

She slid it on, a smile on her lips as he nodded at her. "Badasses get the jacket."

"That they do." He was going to miss that smile. "Hey, badass, mind running to the cafeteria and grabbing me some gruel?"

"Course," she answered, pressing a kiss to his head. "Be right back."

The cold had numbered his limbs by the time she'd vanished. Jack could hardly even feel Ozzy's hand in his anymore. With all that strength, he squeezed Oz's hand and looked up at him with tearful eyes and wheezing breaths. His love instantly started trying to fix it. "What do you need? I can… I… I'll call in one of the nurses."

"Ain't nothin' they can do now." Jack smiled. "I love you, Oz. I've always loved you."

The man shushed him, hands shifting from holding his to pressing the call button on his bed. "Don't. Don't you dare start talking like that."

Jack just continued. "Tell the boys… Tell them… Tell all of them I love ‘em. Keep 'em safe for me, especially our girl."

"Jack-"

He squeezed harder. "You'll tell them, won't you?"

All Ozzy could do was nod, sniffling as he fought the tears in his eyes. "Nurse! NURSE!"

Death is different for everyone. It's one of the few cosmic laws that never bends but always greets you with warmth. As Jack Harrow closed his eyes, letting the cold take him entirely, the last thing he felt was the love of his life touching him. As Jack died, the sound of the hospital machines faded, replaced by the sounds of the alley between The Ring and Ozzy's Pub. 

He could smell the old leather and the cigarettes and the booze, but more importantly, Jack could feel the warmth of Ozzy tucked beneath his arm. They sat together in their little alley - their little pocket between two opposing worlds - and they just existed. Together. Like it was always meant to be.

Jack Harrow was a man of many talents. And, in the grand scheme of things, one could say he was quite good at dying.

*

I always loved the early morning. The soft glow of the rising sun over the city made everything shine. It made everything and everyone look so clean and happy. New York City was chaotic, loud, and demanding, but somehow, those mornings always felt peaceful.

The faint smell of the food trucks by my apartment was usually what woke me each morning. It was almost always hot dogs or a bagel cart or two, but today, it was Chinese food. Today it was the distant sounds of the city - sounds that were familiar but also new - and the very abrupt lick to the underside of my foot by a scratchy cat tongue.

Fleeing the wet tongue, I curled into the solid warmth that was wrapped around me. I opened my eyes, blinking until the haze cleared from my vision, revealing the soft face and gentle ocean eyes staring down at me. Jake.

Even as my head throbbed, the memories of last night swirling through my mind and bringing me a feeling of bliss, I smiled. My eyes drifted closed again, savoring the feeling of his arms around me, his hands caressing my skin, the softness of his bed, and the light smell of his cologne. When I opened my eyes again, he was smiling too - that thin one, the tiniest hint of genuine joy that he almost never let me, or anyone, see. "Hi." 

Jake laughed, a low, still tired sound that made my heart skip a beat. "Hi." He lifted his hand, brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and his smile widened, not smug, proud, or teasing… Real as he repeated the word. "Hi."

I couldn't help but giggle. The blissful feeling quickly shifted into an odd but good feeling. As I moved my hand to cup his cheek, idly tapping my fingers against his skin, I realized what it was. I was happy. I was happy with Jake. Closing my eyes again, letting myself lean into that feeling, holding onto it for as long as I could, I pressed my lips to his.

We'd shared a lot of kisses. Lustful and heated, harsh and demanding, soft and meaningful. This one was one I hadn't expected. It was a kiss that held a touch of sleep and dreams, a gentle, patient, and simple thing. This was a lover's kiss, an embrace in soft blankets, and surrounded by that sunrise glow that I loved so much. When it was over, and I was met with his adoring gaze, all I could do was whisper that simple word again. "Hi."

"How's your head feeling?" He asked, seeming to shake himself of whatever vulnerable, tired thoughts he'd been thinking. The usual flirtatious gleam returned to his eyes as he lifted his fingers to my temple, pressing lightly. "Figured you'd have one hell of a hangover."

"It's not that bad," I assured him. In this light, I could see the slight flush on his cheeks. In this light, it was very hard to remind myself that this was my friend Jake and not my lover. "Sorry about that, by the way."

He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders or trying to as best he could while lying on his side. "Don't worry about it, princess. You're a pretty fun drunk."

Rolling my eyes, I scoffed at him. "You're just saying that 'cause I basically threw myself at you."

"That did give me quite the ego boost," he admitted with a grin. "But, it was a good night."

With my cheek pressed against his pillow and the feel of his arms around me, I smiled. "It was a really good night."

I could see the way he instantly wanted to respond with something witty and smug, but Jake forced the sides of his mouth down and nodded. "So… I… What now?"

"You seem flustered." Grinning ear to ear, I sat up in exaggerated shock. With a fake gasp, I looked down at him. "Am I your first?"

Jake laughed, carefully sitting up and unintentionally - or very intentionally - pulling me into his chest. "Don't let it go to your head, princess."

"So I am your first. That's cute of you."

"I've had plenty of women spend the night," he finally replied. "I'm just not used to them staying for breakfast the next day."

Bumping our noses together, I used the swell of pride and elation to fuel my teasing. "What makes you think I'm staying for breakfast?"

His brows rose as his hands settled on my hips. "You're still here, aren't you?"

"Oh, come on, pretty boy! You gotta ask me properly."

Normally, Jake would have resisted a little, but today, he just nodded. "Lena, would you like to stay for breakfast?"

I hummed, pretending to think it over when really I just liked hearing him ask me to stay. "I'd love to."

For a second - one incredibly long and intimate second - it seemed like Jake was going to kiss me. A kiss that we both knew would unravel whatever tiny thread of self-control both of us still possessed on the ever-growing desire to lose ourselves in each other. His hands squeezed my hips, and then he carefully pushed me back and slid off his bed. "I, uh, don't know what I have that's edible."

Ignoring the slight burn of disappointment that filled my chest, I inched closer to the edge of the bed. Whisky emerged from the pile of blankets and slid into my lap, purring as I scratched his chin. "Got stuff for shitty eggs?"

"Careful, my version of shitty eggs is actually shitty."

"If I can survive Patrick's attempt at eggs, I'm sure I can survive yours," I assured him, carefully moving Whisky off my lap to stand up. Jake's gaze instantly drifted, eyes lazily rolling down my body. My heart stammered, and my face felt hot. Stupid, I told myself. He'd seen me naked before, and here I was, getting flustered by his eyes. With a soft clearing of my throat, I gestured towards the bathroom. "I'm gonna get dressed."

Jake nodded, scratching the back of his head and turning to his kitchen. "You can shower if you need to. What's mine is yours."

The words sent a shiver up my spine. What's mine is yours. It was platonic. It was him being a good friend. No matter what I told myself, the weight of what I felt… Of what I knew, he felt too, made it impossible to keep those words from meaning too much. "Thanks."

The bathroom provided me with a moment of privacy - a moment I used to stare at myself in the mirror, or rather stare at the new marks that littered my skin. I carefully touched each hickey and faded bite mark, my mind remembering how they all got there.

It had been a long time since I'd seen my neck constantly covered in love bites. One-night stands usually didn't leave any lasting marks, and Sam had always been too gentle to bite. Jake was different, though. He touched me like he was desperate… Starved. He was rough, but in a way that made me feel completely and utterly wanted. The energy Jake brought to intimate moments was electric, addictive, and attentive. I never knew what to expect with him, yet I always knew I would enjoy myself.

I always knew I was safe.

There, in Jake's bathroom, staring at myself in his mirror, I let myself fall. I wanted to be with him. Not just in some wild night of impulsive pleasure… But in everything else. I wanted to sleep in his bed with him. I wanted to eat whatever shitty breakfast he cooked up in the morning. I wanted to play with the cat. I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him without sneaking off. I wanted Jake. Every part of him.

With a deep breath, I let that fuzzy feeling consume me. I put my pants and shoes on, stuffing my shirt in Jake's dirty laundry hamper in favor of wearing his t-shirt for a little longer. Then I combed my fingers through my unruly hair and pointed at myself in that mirror. "You're gonna talk to him. You're gonna be honest, and you're gonna talk to him!"

Once I emerged from the bathroom, now filled with a determined fuzzy feeling, I made my way to the kitchen, where Jake was still shirtless, rummaging through his cupboards. Adorable, I thought with a happy smile. Now or never… My fingers tingled as the slightly nervous but still good feeling really started to take root in my chest.  Jake smiled at me before he turned and opened his fridge. "I don't think I've got any eggs. Or… Well, anything really."

"I'm sure a man of your talents can figure something out." I caught his smirk before I ducked my head back down and nervously fished my phone out of my bag, a last-ditch effort to prolong the conversation we both knew was well overdue. "We could always go out somewhere too. I'm not picky."

The first thing I noticed as I turned my phone back on was the insane amount of missed calls and messages. What the fuck? The second thing I noticed was the time and the date.

9:10. November 20th.

My heart stopped, and all the good fuzzy feelings drained from my body. All that nervous excitement about breakfast… About the conversation I'd planned to have with Jake… All of it was replaced by a deep, dark guilt. No… I tried to deny it. That can't be… it… With trembling fingers, I opened the messages.

Hey, we just got here. You and Oz running late? Peter.

Bring a think of that whisky dad liked. Patrick.

Are you on your way?

Lee, where are you?

It's been an hour. Are you and Ozzy alright?

Missed call.

Missed call.

Lena, answer your phone.

Missed call.

Lena?

Missed call.

Lena.

Lena.

Lena.

"Lena?"

"Oh god," I mumbled as my eyes stung. My hands locked around the damn phone. How the fuck did I forget? Why… Why wasn't I there?

Jake closed his fridge door, making me jump and look up at him in shock. His eyebrows furrowed, those blue eyes dancing over my face with concern. "Hey, you okay?"

And then it all came crashing down. The reason I'd forgotten about the family visit… The reason I'd forgotten to keep an eye on the time… The reason I'd forgotten the anniversary of my father's death. Jake. I'd been with Jake. I'd gotten so lost in him and that feeling of safety, warmth, and fun.

"I forgot," I whimpered. Seeing the confusion play on his face, I reached forward grabbed my bag, and turned to leave. "I… forgot."

"What?" He asked, head tilting as he moved closer. "Lena, wait!"

My feet didn't stop, not as Jake called out after me as I hurried down the stairs and out the front door, not as the harsh wave of passing bodies swept me into the crowd of people, and not when the tears started to spill down my cheeks.

Crying silently in a crowded place was a talent, one I'd mastered years ago, but it never felt any better than it did to cry loudly in silence. In both scenarios, you're alone. In both scenarios, your only choice is to keep walking forward. The tears weren't even the worst part. The guilt that now consumed my chest was smothering… Forcing my body into an old state of panicked breathlessness.

I'd forgotten about the anniversary of my dad's death… I'd forgotten about everything else. Everything except Jake and that fuzzy, warm, stupid feeling that I got whenever I was with him. Last night, a night that was supposed to be solemn and focused on the life my father led, was instead made all about me. 

It was a good night. I closed my eyes for a moment, hints of those feelings simmering inside me as I continued to walk. It was such a good night. Too good of a night. The sounds of the city faded away, replaced by the faint but steady noise of a flatlined heart.

Dad's leather jacket cocooned around me as I carried the small tray of food up from the cafeteria. The smell of his strong cologne made the sterile hospital less frightening and made me feel safe. Dad was here. Nothing bad was gonna happen.

Ozzy stood outside the door, a cold, void look on his face as he stared into the distance. I knew what that look meant… I'd looked that way before. But, there, with that leather jacket and that idiotic sense of hope, I refused to acknowledge it. Oz pulled himself out of it as I neared, moving to stop me with a gentle hand. "They ask you to wait outside?"

"Lena… He…" A sob tore through Ozzy's throat as he shook his head. "He's gone."

A forced laugh filled my lungs as I shook my head, ignoring the way I instantly knew he was telling the truth. Ignoring the way I knew in my bones, my dad was dead. "No. No, he's fine. I was just with him."

Oz's face tightened with pain. "Oh, my girl…"

"I was just with him," I repeated as my hands went numb and tears started to fill my eyes. "I…"

I brushed past him and walked forward to the door, where everything faded at the sight of my father lying on the hospital bed. His eyes were closed, chest exposed, and covered with those paddles as the doctors shouted at each other. My hands went numb, the tray falling from my grip as the sight of that flat green line forced my brain to acknowledge what had happened.

My dad was dead. "No." I bit out, desperate fear and bitter anger digging up more memories… Forcing me to relive another loss. "Dad…" I could feel phantom blood on my hands and hear echoes of the gunshot. I could see lifeless eyes looking up at me. "Get up."

Ozzy's arms wound around me as my quiet words turned into desperate and harsh sobs. "I've got you, my girl."

"Dad, please get up!" I screamed, pounding on the door the doctors had closed. "Get up!"

I still need you, I wanted to tell him. We all need you. 

There on the hospital floor, Ozzy held me tight as I fell apart. That day, I walked out of the hospital with nothing left of my dad… Just that leather jacket.

I knew my feet would carry me home. But what I didn't know was just what to expect when I got there. The Ring was closed, the lights off, and no one moved around the gym as I went to the back door and entered. It was quiet. The kind of quiet that made every part of me want to run away.

When I opened the apartment door, Patrick was the first one I noticed. He held a hammer, using it to fix one of the cabinet doors, as he glared at me. Peter stood up from his seat, his entire face draining of worry as he gave me a quick hug. "Where the hell were you? We were scared shitless thinking you were in trouble."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, dropping my bag onto the edge of the table. "I'm sorry. I… I just lost track of the time and…"

Patrick's face remained cold and hardened as he set his tools down and turned. "Where were you?"

Peter recognized that look. He recognized that feeling of static fire that filled the air between us. He'd felt it a hundred times by now… Felt it right before Patrick and I fought. "Pat…"

"No." His voice sent my hair standing on end. Every fiber of my being instantly reminded of that fucking penthouse… Of the way, Patrick was bigger than me… Stronger than me… Of the way, in moments like this, he reminded me of Tony. "Where were you, Lena?"

My heart pounded, the voice saying the words twisted. Half my brother and half him. Anger curled inside me. The ugliest… Deepest anger. "What does it fucking matter?"

Patrick's hand slammed down onto the table. "What was so goddamn important that you forgot about our dad?"

"It's none of your fucking business!"

"Like hell it isn't!" Peter was on his feet now, standing between us, eyes closed and tears pouring down his cheeks. "FUCKING TELL ME!"

"I DON'T OWE YOU A GODDAMN THING!" I screamed.

Patrick's eyes were wide. They were filled with his own traumatic past… With his own anger that was just as ugly and deep as mine. "You're so fucking selfish." Stop. "Nothing fucking matters to you." Shut up. "Not me. Not Oz. Not Pete. Not even our fucking dad."

All my anger boiled over, and my mouth opened, speaking the words I knew would strike deepest. "He isn't even your dad! You aren't even part of the family!"

Patrick didn't skip a beat in returning the sentiment. "I'm more part of this family than you are. You were hardly even here, and when you were, everyone couldn't stand you!"

Peter shoved us both back. "Stop! Both of you!"

"We all would've been better off if you'd never come back."

My heart stopped. My vision blurred as Tony's words echoed in my mind. "All you offer anyone is problems, stress… Trouble. They're all better off without you. And you know it."

Tears were shimmering in both our eyes as the reality of what we'd said dawned on us. I could see regret in Patrick's eyes… I could see that he hadn't meant the words he said… Just as he could see I hadn't meant mine. But we said nothing. Stuck in our hurt and our pride. Peter's voice was nothing but a dull background noise as I grabbed my bag and left the apartment, slamming the door behind me.

Hands trembling and my breath trapped in my chest, I walked, now unsure of where my feet would take me. I couldn't go home. I couldn't go to Jake. I was alone. And maybe I deserved to be.

I wandered the streets for what felt like hours before I finally stopped in front of the rundown hotel. Sliding through the hole in the fence and carefully maneuvered around the glass to stand at the bar. The smooth wood felt cold beneath my fingers as they sought out the neatly carved initials at the edge. J.H. Good ol Jack Harrow. The man… The father I'd forgotten about on the one day set aside to remember him properly.

Maybe it was stupid to be so distraught over one day, but the ache remained all the same. No matter what I told myself, I still felt horrible. Guilty. Selfish. Years of self-loathing and years of being told I was nothing but a selfish waste of space caught up with me. 

My dad had been the first to make me believe I was something. He was the first person that loved me, even when I was at my lowest. And I'd forgotten him. Deep down, I knew he wouldn't be mad at me for it. But that knowledge only seemed to make me feel worse.

Howard called and texted a few times as my shift start came and went, but all I could do was stare at the phone. The silence was one filled with ghosts, and I was content to sit there and wallow in the memory of them all. But, glass crunched beneath someone's shoe, forcing me to turn.

Mr. Hiragana bowed slowly, eyes taking in the damaged space for a moment before he came to stand beside me. "Apologies, I did not intend to startle you."

"It's alright," I told him. "I… What are you doing here?"

"I came with some inspectors to get a better idea of what needed to be done to turn this place into a restaurant worthy of your name." He smiled, head turning slightly to the three other people now roaming about the rubble. "I intended to call you, but it seems that is no longer necessary."

Moving to leave, I answered, "I can go if you need the place to yourself."

Mr. Hiragana chuckled and shook his head. "That is hardly necessary. Besides, it's been a long time since we've sat at a bar together and spoke."

I laughed halfheartedly. "It has been a while."

"You seem troubled," he said quietly. "Is there anything I can do?"

Shaking my head, I blinked back tears. "No. I… This is my own mistake. One I'll have to fix myself."

"Mistakes are often the stones that lead to better paths." He smiled, leaning in as if it were some secret. "That is why we must make so many in our short lives."

"What if the mistake is a really big one?"

"Then the end destination will surely be a beautiful one." He looked at the bar, eyes scanning the surrounding area with a humble nod. "This is the place your father chose, is it not?"

My fingers curled around the chain link fence as I stared between the metal at the grand building in front of me. Even with the missing windows and broken glass, I couldn't look away from the gorgeous place as it shimmered in the sunlight. "It's beautiful."

"This dump?" Dad replied, earning a swift elbow from Ozzy. "I mean… Yeah… Beautiful."

Turning, I looked up at him. "Are they gonna make it into something new?"

Dad shrugged, looking at the abandoned hotel. "They'll probably tear it down and build a parking lot."

"What?"

Oz shook his head. "He doesn't know that for sure, dear."

"Why are you so invested in some trash hotel anyway?"

Looking back, I shrugged. "I dunno. I just… Like it."

Dad bent down, scooping me up and lifting me over the fence. "Let's go check it out then!"

"Dad!"

"Jack!"

As I landed on my feet now on the opposite side of the fence, I looked up at the two older men as my dad saddled the fence, ready to join me. He extended a hand to Ozzy and winked. "Oh, come on, Oz. It'll be fun!"

Ozzy shook his head but climbed over with us. "You two are troublemakers!"

The building was full of old posters and sleeping bags from whoever had been squatting here, but all I saw was the chandelier and the crown molding. Potential. "Wow! Can you imagine what it looked like before?"

"That's boring," Dad insisted. "What do you see it as in your head?"

"A restaurant," I answered with a smile. "My restaurant."

Ozzy gave Dad a look before he bent over and asked, "Do you really enjoy that sort of thing?"

"What sort of thing?"

"The cookin' your aunt always has you doin'." Dad patted my head. "That whole restaurant she's stuffed you in."

I thought for a moment, reflecting on the conflicting feelings of Aunt Maddie's harshness and the actual cooking. "I like to cook. It's simple. I… I don't have to think about anything else."

With a nod, Dad smiled again. "A restaurant then. Yours. What you gonna call it?"

"Nishikigoi."

Ozzy laughed. "In English, dear."

"It's the word for koi fish." I scratched my head. "At least, I think it is. That's what the big fish said last time."

"Should I be worried about all this fish talk?" Dad asked, hoisting me up. "You're not gonna turn into some seabass, are ya?"

Giggling, I shook my head. "Not in this life."

Dad nodded to the elevator doors, urging Oxygen to follow us. "Come on, let's see if these work."

"Jack, no!" Ozzy hollered.

I nodded, sadly staring at the initials. "Yeah, it is."

"It is a very good place. Full of positive energy. I will take great joy in seeing you and your colleagues bring out its full potential." Mr. Hiragana bowed his head, settling a hand over my dad's initials in the wood. "He would as well."

"I miss him." Tears finally rolled down my cheeks. "I miss him so much, and yet… I find myself forgetting him. His smile. His voice. The way he laughed."

The old man frowned. "Death takes the spirit. Time takes the body. But memory is something we hold inside us through even the darkest of times." His hand took hold of mine. "A love that deep never leaves us, not even in death. It is impossible for you to have forgotten him."

"How?"

"You carry him with you. His smile is your smile. His voice is your voice. His laugh is your laugh. Your father left you with everything you would ever need to remember him by."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and cleared my throat, bowing my head to him. "Thank you, my friend."

"It is always an honor to offer you my advice, little fish."

"Well, since we're both here, why don't I show you around?"

He smiled, taking my arm and walking with me as I led him through the old hotel. Mr. Hiragana listened to all the ideas I'd saved up for what we could do with it all. For an hour, the crushing weight of the guilt and the pain lessened. With the input of the man I'd met so long ago at a bar in Tokyo, it felt like my dad was standing beside me, arm draped over my shoulder, making his usual witty remarks.

Once I'd talked his ear off and the inspectors had finished, I bowed my head and bid Mr. Hiragana farewell. Back on the other side of the fence, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and finally checked the messages that had been steadily buzzing the last hour. My heart nearly stopped at the sight of four missed calls from Peter. One from Patrick and one from Jake. It all came back in a large wave that doused all Mr. Hiragana's words of wisdom.

Please answer the phone, Lee.

You know he didn't mean it.

Just… Be safe. Call someone, please?

Peter's messages made my throat clench. Guilt and pain and that stupid bitter sting of anger still sitting in my chest.

The next message was from Jake. It was short and simple and surprisingly not dripping with frustration or anger, which only made the guilt burn hotter. Hey, I just wanted to check-in. Sorry about earlier, if I said something or… You know. Call me if you need anything.

I leaned against the chain link fence in front of the hotel, pressing my hand to my still-aching head and desperately trying not to cry. The phone buzzed in my hand.

You sick or something? Scott.

Pull yourself together, I told myself quickly, replying to the cook's message. Or something. It's been a day.

Sounds shitty. Wanna talk about it or something?

Nope. I texted back quickly. I ran into Mr. Hiragana and his inspectors, though.

How'd that go?

Good. He approved all the plans and is contacting his guys to get it started.

Before he could reply, I shoved the phone in my pocket and started walking. Among the crowds of people and their constant idle noise, I could think clearly. My feet carried me, familiar with every path and, deep down, knowing exactly where to go even when I didn't. I wanted to go home. Wanted to curl up in that old, lumpy bed and disappear. But Patrick's voice still harshly rang in the back of my mind. 

I wiped the wetness from my eyes, scolding myself for nearly crying once again, and shook my head. Home wasn't an option right now. So, I kept walking. Walking and listening and avoiding… All the things I used to be so good at.

The orange hues of the setting sun painted Nana's diner in a golden glow. The tiny little building looked almost heaven-sent as I made my way across the street and through the front door. It was busy tonight. Tables full of bodies happily conversing and enjoying their meals as the old Arabic woman looked up over the counter and sadly smiled at me.

Nana opened her arms wide and swept me up into her embrace, kissing my head and lovingly smoothing her hands over my hair. "Oh, Habibi, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," I answered, though I knew she'd hear the crack in my voice.

Pulling me back, she stroked my cheeks and swept me into a seat. "Sit, beautiful girl. Abdul and I will make you dinner."

As I sat in the noise of Nana's diner, I watched the people that came and went. Families, friends, lovers… There was no shortage of deep forged bonds staring back at me tonight. A great joke that made it impossible for me to forget what I'd missed and the angry words Patrick and I had exchanged. Nana served my food, setting the various plates down around me. "Have you seen Ozzy?"

She shook her head, then suddenly asked, "How was your night? I know it's a difficult day for all of you, but hopefully, your visit made it better."

I clenched my jaw, tears stinging in my eyes. Salt in the wound. I knew Nana didn't mean to remind me of my monumental fuck up. I knew she asked because she cared, but what was I supposed to say? It was amazing. I spent the whole night with Jake and completely forgot that it was the anniversary of Dad's death, so missed the family visit to his grave, and now everyone hates me. So I just shrugged. "It was okay."

Nana saw through me in an instant and gently set a hand on my head. "What is that brain of yours thinking?"

A hundred lies came to mind, each one just as likely to shift her focus as the last, but I said none of them. I was tired. So tired. "Am I a monster Nana?"

"What?" The old woman questioned, dropping to her knees in front of me. Her hand cupped my cheek as she shook her head. "You are no such thing! Not my silly, thoughtful, bright, good Lena!"

"What if all that's just a lie… A facade to hide what I really am?" Years built in my eyes as I averted my gaze. "What if no one really knows me?"

Nana's grip was gentle but firm as she forced me to look at her. "You listen to me. You are our Lena. My Lena. I have known you since you were in diapers. I have known you through your best and your worst. And I have loved you every moment." She smiled, that kind and gentle smile that warmed my heart a little. "You are no monster. No matter what that pesky brain of yours says."

All I could do was nod into her hands and sink into her warm, spiced embrace. The vicious thoughts - thoughts that Patrick's words had been true… That my mother had been right about me - quieted as Nana whispered her prayer into my hair. After a while, Abdul brought me plates of food, but I wasn't hungry. 

While I played with my food, the diner door opened, and Ozzy quietly walked inside. Nana let out a relieved breath and nodded in my direction. "You talk some sense into her, Oswald."

"Course I will." 

"Make sure she eats!"

He made his way to me, smiling sadly as he sat down. "You weren't at the grave last night."

"Rumor is you weren't either," I retorted with much more bite than intended.

He nodded, looking at his hands. "I wasn't."

After a moment of quiet between us, I asked, "Did you forget?"

His answer had the potential to ease my guilt. It didn't, though. Ozzy shook his head. "I remembered. Too much. Opened that damn box of loss and couldn't bring myself to do anything." He looked back up at me, eyes watery as he waited for my own truth to be spoken aloud.

"I forgot," I whispered. "I… I got distracted, and I…" Pressing my eyes shut as tight as I could, I scoffed at myself. "I had a good night."

Ozzy nodded, standing up and glancing over his shoulder at Nana. "I think it's time we both make amends. Take a bite of that food, or she'll be giving us both a good smack with her magazines." I did as he asked. "Good, now come on, dear."

Gathering my things, I followed him. "Where are we going?"

"To visit with the one person that can absolve us of our guilt."

The cab ride was quiet but not the kind I'd expected. I didn't feel at peace, and I didn't feel guilty. Instead, I was filled with an alarming sense of nothingness. I was filled with a dreaded sensation that had haunted me after I left the hospital. 

The graveyard was even more quiet. It was the revenant kind, though, the kind that made every step on dried leaves echo in the now chilly night air and dance among the dead. Both of us stopped in front of the worn tombstone, lined with fresh flowers and a few soggy cards. Patrick and Peter's gifts, no doubt. Ozzy sat down first, and I followed.

The ground was slightly wet, but neither of us cared as we looked at the name carved into the stone. There were so many things I wanted to say now that I was here, but it felt like each word was stuck in my throat. Ozzy didn't seem to have the same problem. He sighed, reaching out to touch the stone. "Hey, you big oaf. It's been a while." I could hear the sorrow in his voice. "Sorry I'm late. Don't worry, Patrick already gave me hell for it. Boy was downright hostile to me, and maybe I deserved it… The point is, I'm sorry. I just missed you so much that the thought of having to face the facts again was too much for me yesterday. I'm here now, though, and that's what matters."

Silence retook the graveyard. It was my turn to speak, and yet I had nothing. Ozzy's warm hand settled on my knee as I swallowed, separately trying to free the words in my throat. "He would've understood, you know."

"I know."

"Your dad loved you. More than anything. And there is nothing you could have done, now or then, to change that."

Shaking my head, I sobbed. "I forgot about him."

Ozzy's hand squeezed. "You didn't forget him, Lena. That's not possible, and we both know it."

"I-"

"You had a good night. You did things that made you happy… That made you forget about the pain and the sadness that his death stained that day with." With a chuckle, Ozzy shook his head. "You're allowed to live your life, love. He would've preferred it that way."

Looking into his misty eyes, I sniffled. "I know but… Why do I still feel so horrible?"

"Because death is hard." He closed his eyes and sighed. "It's angry and bitter and hard. Remembering or forgetting, it feels the same. So, feel it. Feel the pain and the anger. Feel the joy and the love. Feel it and then try to let it go. Try to let him go. That's all we can do while we exist in this world without him."

"Were you able to do that?" I asked. "Let him go?"

Oz shook his head. "No. I think in order to really do that, I need to find something to fill the home he left behind. And that… It's a very big hole." Turning to look at me, he smiled. "But you found something to do that. Or… Someone I should say."

Jake. "What makes you say that?"

"You let yourself let go. You let yourself feel and forget."

"I never really realized it back then, but I was really lucky," I finally said, tears still streaming down my cheeks. "Most people grow up with just one awesome dad… Sometimes, not even that. But I…" Looking up at him with a smile, I held his hand tighter. "I got two really good, really amazing dads."

He pulled me into a bone-crushing hug, and the two of us cried together. My fingers curled into his jacket as I whispered to him, "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, my dear girl." When he finally pulled away, wiping his nose, he stood, nodding to the tombstone. "I'll give the two of you a moment."

Once the sound of his footsteps faded, I sighed, watching my breath rise in the cold air. "Hey, old man. It's been a while... Too long." I stared at his name engraved in the stone, trying to picture his face instead. "I'm sorry I didn't come yesterday, I was... Things got..." I looked down at my jeans, picking at a loose string of fabric. The same jeans I'd been wearing yesterday. "So, there's this boy. He's a complete idiot and just the biggest asshole you'd ever meet. Seriously, he gives Patrick a run for his money sometimes." I laughed to myself, imagining that look he'd give me, telling me to keep going. "But, he makes me feel a lot of things. Good things. He... He makes me feel like I'm normal. Like I'm just me and that... That's beautiful. That I'm beautiful."

My chilled fingers brushed some dirt off his headstone. "He makes me forget, too. Sometimes when I'm with him, it feels like time doesn't exist." I glanced over my shoulder at Ozzy, who stood on the path waiting. "Is that how you felt with Oz? That warm, safe, forgetting? Is it normal to be so... Captivated by someone?"

With a sigh, I settled into my seat in the damp grass. This would be the moment he told me something very profound, something only he could come up with. But, now, all that I could hear was the wind in the trees. Next would come the incessant prying. Dad would want every detail, so, like it was some cosmic secret, I whispered, "His name's Jake, and I think you would've really liked him."

Once I'd finished and pressed my hand to his grave, I felt the weight lift off me. Gone. Truly gone this time. "Bye, Dad. I love you."

Ozzy placed his arm around my shoulder and kissed my head. "Ready to go?"

My eyes cast to the opposite side of the graveyard. "Actually… Would you mind if we visited someone else?"

"Of course not, my dear," he answered, turning down the path toward the person he knew I spoke of.

Clumps of hair swirled along the floor as the door opened. Rada froze in the doorway and looked at the scene with wide eyes. "Lisus."

With blurred vision, I turned my head and looked at her. "I cut it off… oh, oh god, I cut it all off!" My fingers dug into my scalp as the weightlessness of my impulsive rebellion faded, replaced now by terror. "They love my long hair. Tony… He hates short hair! They're going to be so mad I made myself look uglier!"

The maid's lips thinned as she tossed her supplies on the counter and quickly made her way to my side. I flinched as she raised her hand to my cheek, gently attempting to wipe away some of the smudges of charcoal. "How long has it been since you slept Lyubov?"

"I can't sleep," I replied quietly. "They said I needed to finish my pieces for the gala… I'm not good enough… They-"

"None of this," she interrupted, helping me to my feet and leading me up the stairs to the washroom. "Let us get you cleaned up and fix that beautiful hair, hmm?

Rada bathed me, using a soft sponge to clean the paint and charcoal off my face and hands and washing my butchered hair. She quietly assessed the damage and helped wrap me in a warm robe. She lovingly brushed through my hair, finding a pair of scissors and carefully, meticulously cutting to even it out. After a moment, she said, "Repeat after me. Ya krasivaya."

"Ya krasivaya." My voice was shaking from the effort it took to keep my tears at bay.

Rada nodded, smiling at me through the mirror. "Good. Now, ya sil'nyy."

"Ya sil'nyy." 

"Ya lyubim."

"Ta lyubim."

"Mne uzhe dostatochno."

"Mne uzhe dostatochno."

Smiling at me, she smoothed her hands over the now even, short bob. "There, beautiful as always."

"He's going to hate it…" I swallowed a lump in my throat. "I'm so stupid…"

Clicking her tongue, she shushed me. "Do you hate it?"

I looked in the mirror, examining the short, black hair. "I… I miss the red."

She wiped the tears from my eyes and kissed my head. "Then we'll let the red grow back out. You go rest now, Lyubov."

Shaking my head, I tried to protest. "I have to-"

"I will clean up the mess," Rada interrupted, shaking her brush at me. "And then I will pick out your pieces for your show."

"Rada-"

"My Lena," she whispered, taking hold of my face. "My sweet girl… Rest. Let Rada handle everything else."

As she turned to leave, I asked, "What did the words mean?"

Shaking her head, she clicked her tongue. "You'll understand them soon."

I am beautiful.

I am strong.

I am loved.

I am already enough.

With a deep breath, I looked down at the modest stone that marked her grave.  I pressed a kiss to the tombstone. "Ya lyublyu tebya, mama."

*

Home felt far better than it ever had as I entered the gym through the alley door. I let my fingers trail along the pictures on the wall and headed upstairs to the apartment, finally ready to face Patrick and make amends to both my brothers. When I opened the apartment door, all the noise on the other side died. Patrick stood, holding the garbage can, while Peter sat at the table next to Dom. And Jake stood off to the side, half leaning against my bedroom door. 

I wondered why they were here as I dropped my bag on the ground by the door. "I-"

Patrick practically threw the garbage can back into the corner as he twisted around the table and slammed into me. His arms held me tightly to him as if it were the most important thing he could ever do. "You know I didn't mean any of it, right?" He asked, his voice nearly turning into sobs. "I didn't mean it."

I buried my head into his neck. "I know. I didn't mean it either."

Patrick held me tighter. "I know."

We didn't move for a few minutes, both of us breathing heavy sighs of relief at the unspoken but heard apologies. My big brother pulled away first, taking my head in his large hands and blinking away tears. "I love you, little sister."

With a sniffling laugh, I replied, "I love you too, big brother."

Dom made his way past us, wordlessly offering me a pat on the head. Peter hugged me, kissing my head softly. "Don't disappear like that again. Please."

"I won't."

Eventually the two of them followed Dom downstairs to lock the doors, leaving Jake and I alone in the apartment. "Hi," I mumbled, slightly afraid he'd be pissed at me.

Jake breathed a sound of relief? "Hi."

"I'm sorry about earlier…" I started, cursing my eyes as they once again filled with tears. "I shouldn't have run out on you I-"

"Stop," he said, not harshly or loudly… Definite and soft. "You…" His jaw clenched for a second, a far-off look threatening to fill his eyes. "You have nothing to apologize for."

He didn't hate me. I wanted to sob. "They told you then?"

For a moment, he looked scared, and worried as he stumbled on his words for a second. "What?"

"My brothers. I'm guessing they told you about yesterday? About it being the anniversary of our dad's death."

"That's why you were… I'm sorry. I didn't know."

I shook my head, quickly shushing him. "It's not your fault. I could have canceled."

"Why didn't you?" He asked, the vulnerability from this morning sinking into his voice.

Shrugging I smiled at him. "I wanted to be with you."

Without another word, Jake stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. This hug felt heavier… Deeper than the others. Jake held me so tightly that for a moment, I wondered if he was trying to consume me or mold us into one being. His hands cradled my head and back so gently, like I was a freshly plucked flower. It was odd and yet comforting.

Normally, I hated deep hugs. They felt too much like sorrow and pity and everything I didn't want to feel. But Jake's hug was different. It was soft and warm. Safe. I found myself melting into his arms, curling into him - seeking out that feeling that he just radiated.

"I missed you today," I found myself admitting against his skin.

Jake chuckled. "I missed you too, princess."

I pulled my head back, staring into his eyes. "You can stay here tonight if you want to."

"It is getting late," he replied, a tiny hint of teasing.

Laughing, I nodded. "I'd hate for you to get your ass kicked trying to get home."

He smirked. "We both know how easy it is for me to get my ass kicked."

"Come on," I said, gently pulling him into my bedroom.

We undressed in comfortable silence, both our eyes lingering on the other person's body in an odd, almost reverent way. As Jake climbed into the bed, situating himself under the yellow covers, leaving plenty of room for me to join him, I tossed our clothes in my chair and quickly ran a brush through my hair. The lumpy mattress felt better than ever as I sank into Jake’s side, instantly curling into him.

His hands gently massaged my shoulders as he inhaled my hair and looked down at me. I could see something, a feeling or a question, swimming in his eyes. “What’s on your mind?”

“I just… I didn’t make you feel… obligated to stay last night, did I?”

I sat up slightly, touching his cheek and shaking my head. “No! I stayed because I wanted to stay, Jake.”

Nodding, he swallowed. “You just seemed unsure before all the fun.”

“I mean… I guess was a bit… Nervous,” I admitted sheepishly.

His mood lightened as he chuckled. "Nervous about seeing me? I'm flattered."

"Not about that, jackass. Just… I…" With a sigh, I closed my eyes and shook my head, curling into him more. "I was just nervous that you were expecting it to be different."

Jake's fingers idly combed through my hair as he hummed, throat vibrating against my forehead. "I didn't really have any expectations."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I asked the question that could be a horrible thing to bring up. "Why did you tell Simone we were going on a date then?"

He pulled back, brows furrowed and confusion clear on his face. "I didn't tell Simone we were doing anything yesterday. Why would you think that?"

"I swung by the restaurant before meeting you. She told me I looked cute and not to be nervous because you were good at this sort of thing. Then she assured me she could keep our date a secret."

Jake's genuine confusion only grew. "I…" He paused and shook his head. "I'll talk to her about it. Sorry if that made you feel-"

Covering his mouth with my fingers, I smiled at him. "I didn't feel obligated to do anything. I wanted to. I just… I'm not very good at this."

His laugh vibrated through my fingers as he gently pulled them off his lips. "It's hard to imagine anything you're not good at."

"I assure you, I'm horrible at a lot of things."

"Name one."

"This," I answered smugly, relaxing my head back on his pillow.

Jake rolled his eyes, arms tightening around me. "You seem pretty good at it to me."

Our breaths mingled together, noses brushing ever so slightly. "Well, you're biased, so what you think doesn't count."

A soft silence filled the apartment. The hum of all that had happened… All that we both had come to feel and realize over the past few weeks slowly building. I could feel the question building up in my chest, burning… Pleading for me to let it out. It was only a matter of time before I blurted it all out. Jake just happened to beat me to it. "So… What… What is this?"

I felt all the air leave my lungs as I stared back at those eyes. This was a chance for us to both acknowledge whatever it was we were… What we wanted. It was a chance I wanted to take more than anything, but the words that stumbled out were not what I'd planned. "I thought you hated labels."

God dammit. Jake smirked and shrugged his shoulder. "Normally, I do. But, this isn't normal… Is it?"

"No, it's not."

"We don't have to have this conversation right now," he said, tiredly. "Raincheck?"

“Raincheck.”

That talk could happen tomorrow. But now, all I wanted was to get lost in the moment. Peaceful and safe and tired.  "Jake?" I quietly asked, determined to rid myself of that one last question that was still tugging lightly at the back of my mind.

"Yeah, princess?"

"If my brothers didn't tell you about dad… Why were you already here when I got back?"

He was quiet for a moment, so quiet I almost thought he’d fallen asleep already, but then his chest dipped heavily. "I was worried about you, so I showed up to ask if they'd seen you. Then you walked in."

I giggled, my heart practically doing summersaults in my chest at the soft admittance of his worry for me. "I do have amazing timing, don't I?"

Jake pressed his lips to my head, a simple, intimate act that made my eyes close and everything inside me still. “Yeah. You really do."

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 12/10/2024 (KSI is in the Thick of It)

For a seventh consecutive week, Sabrina Carpenter holds onto the #1 with the smash hit “Taste”… and otherwise, it’s a weird one. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, references to real murder cases and Prime energy drinks

Rundown

As always, we start this week with our notable dropouts, those being songs that exited the UK Top 75 (which is what I cover) after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. For this episode, we bid adieu to “Big Dawgs” by Hanumankind and Kalmi, “Ain’t No Love in Oklahoma” by Luke Combs, “Yellow” by Coldplay (though, funnily, not because the song is old, more on that later), and finally, the surprisingly long-running “Scared to Start” by Michael Marcagi.

As for our gains and returns… okay, let’s cover re-entries first because there is a bizarre story regarding the middling region of this chart. Firstly, we have some other stragglers returning for unrelated reasons that feel more typical, like “Riptide” by Vance Joy at #75, “Pretty Slowly” by Benson Boone at #71, and “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe taking some virality back all the way up at #34 – the songs so far have peaked at #10, #43 and #2 respectively.

Secondly, we have a bit of a true crime documentary on our hands. Television writer Ryan Murphy has an anthology series on Netflix regarding real crime stories, typically famous murderers, with the most recent September series focusing on the brothers Lyle and Erik Menendez. This Monsters series has proved controversial since the first season focused on Jeffrey Dahmer in questionable ways, but the second edition has faced criticism itself. Variety reports that Erik himself disapproves of the portrayal of his brother, with whom he murdered their parents in 1989. This may explain why a hit parade from the late 80s has exploded onto the higher-middle section of the chart, particularly due to the fact that several songs from famous pop music fraudsters Milli Vanilli have resurged.

I imagine anyone reading this series will know the story of the manufactured pop duo, but for a summary, Frank Farian, who also curated Boney M., had recorded music by session musicians that was promoted by two aspiring entertainers from Europe, him propping them up as the members of the “Milli Vanilli” duo when they did not by and large contribute to the records, especially not the hits, which all came out after their GRAMMYs were awarded to them. Safe to say they were revoked, and when they were caught lip-syncing to a looped track, their career collapsed and one half, Rob, sadly passed a few years after. The other member, Fab, has stayed long enough in the public eye for the music made under the controversial moniker to have maybe not critical acclaim but a public interest that is much more sympathetic to the two as victims of industry bullshit than the public was back in the 90s. This reappraisal of the story led to a documentary, a biopic and a completely unrelated true crime drama is the final push, it seems.

From 1988 to 1990 – their stardom really only lasted around two years before it all came crashing down – they had six hits in the UK, the first of which is perhaps their most famous because of how involved it was in their downfall. It’s “Girl You Know it’s True”, which peaked at #3 and bizarrely is not charting this week as you may expect – it’s definitely my favourite and an iconic hit of theirs… well, maybe not “theirs”. Instead, we have “Girl I’m Gonna Miss You” (sometimes listed without the “Girl” at the start) back at #40, which thanks to error, the Official Charts Company is recognising as a new song. The song originally peaked at #2 for three weeks in 1989, being just pipped at the post by Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers’ “That’s What I Like” because, yes, pop music has always been kind of a joke, and the late 80s exemplify that the best, and then “All Around the World” by Lisa Stansfield. Meanwhile, “Blame it on the Rain” actually reaches a new peak as it returns to #47 – yes, really, it only made it to #52 in 1989. My fun fact that I want to add is that the duo guest-starred – right before the scandal – in the Super Mario Bros. 3 tie-in cartoon, where they serve as Wendy Koopa’s favourite band. Subsequent airings took their songs out but had the animations retained, meaning that they mouthed along to instrumentals… which may be the funniest way to accidentally reference the fact they were, in essence, voiceless in their own music.

Now this series hasn’t just boosted those two poor saps, not that I can imagine Fab takes home any royalties from it. In fact, the highest track re-entering apart from “Prada” is by Oceanic rock icons Crowded House, whose massive hit “Don’t Dream it’s Over”, a #1 in their partial home of New Zealand and a #2 Stateside, is back at #37. It first reached the top 40 in 1987, a year after release, peaking at #27 in the UK, whilst The Firm’s “Star Trekkin’” was #1. Like I said, the late 80s were an often comical era for popular music, but I should say that this was replaced by the Pet Shop Boys’ “It’s a Sin” the week after. Crowded House weren’t done, however: they would have a series of hit singles and albums, and singer Paul Young took his 1991 cover of their initial hit to #20, whilst U2’s “The Fly” was #1. A development of clout for the original did reach a point where Crowded House released a greatest-hits compilation in 1996 and with it came a remixed single. I initially could not figure out why there was a 1996 re-release, but from finding a confused Steve Hoffman Music Forums user who had posted about owning the remixed single, I discovered that Spike Stent had remixed the track to justify a re-release that did peak higher at #25, whilst Robson & Jerome were #1 with “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted”. Meanwhile, in 1999, Lou Bega’s iconic “Mambo No. 5” was at the top during the week wherein a rework simply titled “Don’t Dream” by Irish band Dove debuted and peaked at #37. Personally, the first version will always be the classic for me, I definitely prefer it to the mostly dull Milli Vanilli tracks, and I am aware none of these will last, but it’s a fun story, right?

Backstory aside, and sheesh, a lot of backstory it was, we also have some normal gains, those being “I Only Smoke When I Drink” by nimino at #61, “Who” by Jimin at #31, “Diet Pepsi” by Addison Rae at #15, “I Love You, I’m Sorry” by Gracie Abrams at #11, “Sailor Song” by Gigi Perez at #6, and of course, thanks to the new Coldplay albums, “WE PRAY” with what may as well be 2024’s version of Band Aid is at #20 and “feelslikeimfallinginlove” is at #18, we’ll discuss more about Moon Music later.

Now for the top five, that should be more familiar: Sabrina’s at #5 and #4 with “Please Please Please” and “Espresso”, “Die with a Smile” by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars has reached #3, Chappell Roan’s “Good Luck, Babe!” still stalls out at #2 and Ms. Carpenter of course reigns at #1.

New Entries

#74 – “N o C h i l l” – PARTYNEXTDOOR

Produced by Nonstop da Hitman, Alex Lustig and Bass Charity

Back in my day, the only things stylized like that were vaporwave edits of Bart Simpson. Drake protégé and fellow Canadian crooner PARTYNEXTDOOR has been active since the early 2010s in alternative R&B, with this being a sleeper hit from his most recent record, his fourth self-titled album that gathered more buzz for its anally penetrative album cover than its music. This is becoming a genuine Bubbling Under hit though so there must be something in the music to make the backshots worth it, surely? Well, no, this is pretty much your bog-standard PARTYNEXTDOOR song. His imperfect, fumbled Auto-Tuned warble would be potentially fun over a more organic instrumental, but layering him over a sea of pitch-shifted stray vocal blips and pads, alongside a trap slab that stifles any momentum, makes these R&B slow jams more like slogs than anything sensual. It also influenced PARTY to leave a lot of empty space for whatever reason, when the song’s instrumental, apart from some admittedly nice string inflections back in the unbefitting mix, and especially its content, mostly just about how he treats his girl to materialistic items, does not warrant much contemplation. He comes to a sturdier flow in the second verse, but when the song’s main conceit is the dumb joke that ever since PND got his girlfriend that “ice”, she’s had “no chill”… no, I can’t take anything here as intended, and especially not a spoken word outro that sounds like a phone call from his partner but reflects on absolutely none of the song’s content, or anything actually interesting either! I haven’t been able to take PARTY seriously since “Ratchet Happy Birthday” anyway, but this is not exactly helping matters.

#52 – “You Go Your Way” – Perrie

Produced by Alfie Russel and Joy Anonymous

At least it’s not a riff on the Fleetwood Mac classic of a similar title. Former Little Mixer Perrie Edwards has her third solo track out, after the underperformance of “Tears” which I personally really enjoyed, and whilst the sound of this track, which really becomes a fuzz in the mix thanks to too many elements in the chorus, gives me even less idea of where her solo sound will be, it does show that perhaps she doesn’t have much of an idea either. This is a cover of EDM duo Joy Anonymous’ “JOY (Get Over Me)”, with the abrupt, jerky chorus and dated production being inherited nearly entirely from that track, and whilst I like the bassline, the busy drums and barely decipherable flush of instruments in the chorus make this a real head-scratcher in the mixing department. The song could probably double as a song about not just being cautiously willing to depart from her ex-boyfriend, but also one regarding the Little Mix breakup and inevitable reunion, and whilst Edwards is clearly a capable vocalist, there really just isn’t much space, often quite literally, for her to work with, and absolutely not anything of lyrical interest, outside of the nervousness in the content fitting into the awkward, staccato feel of many of the song’s inflections, which is a cool touch, also present in the original, that does pair up with the detail in “Tears” as well. Sadly, Edwards’ vocals get somewhat crushed and treated not particularly well in the mix, with a really overwhelming chorus full of belting and overlapping vocal riffs that ends up just being straight-up hard to listen to. Perhaps a fine song in another context, but this anthemic single loses me primarily in production and final touches, which might just be the worst place to lose me as it makes the potential even clearer.

#43 – “ALL MY LOVE” – Coldplay

Produced by Bill Rahko, Daniel Green, Max Martin, ILYA, Oscar Holter and Michael Ilbert

It should be no surprise to anyone that Moon Music, the latest output from British cultural landmarks and possibly still regarded as a rock band, Coldplay, has sold over 200,000 copies and planted itself immediately at #1 on the albums chart. I did listen to the record, and it was of intrigue to me what would end up charting, since they really picked the only obvious singles as the singles… and this is largely an ambient album in its approach: tracks are purposefully unimpactful and feathery, atmospheric and sometimes lengthy and multi-part pseudo-epics that intend to reach bliss and serenity instead of functioning as hit songs or anthems like they’ve gone for at least once in their albums prior. I suppose that’s what “WE PRAY” is for this record, but “ALL MY LOVE” is a piano ballad about the undefeatable love Chris Martin shares with his partner: they can go through anything, they’ll still have his unconditional love. It’s a strong devotion for such a light, softening breeze of a ballad, which was initially teased as a piano solo improvised after a failed stage invasion during a live performance of an unrelated track. Now, I’ve said before that I really enjoy Ghost Stories and Coldplay’s lighter, less bombastic and arena-ready side, which did lead me to finding this album comforting, including this track, though “AETERNA”, “JUPiTER”, “GOOD FEELiNGS” with Ayra Starr and the one with the rainbow emoji as the title were my personal favourites. That doesn’t rule out “ALL MY LOVE” however as it is still a cute track. The backing vocals from H.E.R. are a nice touch to make the love feel requited, giving Martin’s typically solemn and warbly tone a bed of soothing comfort that decorates much of the album, and whilst the chorus is structured and sung almost as if it were a standard, the delicate guitar and really immaculately-mixed string orchestra swell place this thoroughly in their post-Britpop specialty. They even go for a slow burn like always, though it reflects less on the song’s overwhelming emotion than it does just on acceptance that love is beautiful and weathers many a storm that nature couldn’t. Call me old and sappy, but that’s sometimes nice to hear, and Coldplay are well within their mode in their later career to sell that, and quite blissfully. There’s a live version on the “Full Moon” deluxe edition, and a quirky lyric video, but other than that, I’m unsure to whether it’s being pushed as a single so far – it would be a damn good choice because adult contemporary radio would be all over something like this, and for good reason. It’s really pleasant, and if you want a good night’s sleep, I recommend spinning the album back to front.

#14 – “Thick of It” – KSI featuring Trippie Redd

Produced by Ray Michael Djan Jr.

The wonderful thing about YouTubers making music is that you really could go in wild and interesting directions. It’s a form of outsider music, really: giving entertainers famous for other talents and unique personalities the budget and access to recording equipment and materials could really lead to some interesting songs, especially given the subject matter could relate to their personality and/or content, the music could reflect their own probably diverse taste, and even if the end product isn’t great, it would still reflect their unique character. KSI hasn’t done that since “Lamborghini”. In what I can only presume is an effort to be taken more seriously, English YouTuber KSI of the “Sidemen”, also known as JJ, has been making pop-friendly fluff for years, nearly all of which I’ve covered in some form on this show. I like the song he made with Craig David, I suppose, but he will forever be the guy who said on a charting single that he’s “hella horny like a rhino watching porn”.

I have looked into this single specifically because there is discourse and criticism surrounding it, particularly with his food and drink collaborations with other YouTube scandal magnets like Logan Paul and Mr. Beast, that has led to more of an outrage marketing tactic: be everywhere, promote this song, and be really annoying about it, it’s clearly enough of a strategy to get to the top 20. Hell, it may be a strategy I prefer from JJ since it at least inflects the meme into his music in a way that could be at least fun or easily seen as novelty instead of the admirably sincere moves made into the industry from him and his celebrity guest stars for what is now half a decade. With that said, I don’t think this one goes for either approach: in fact, it finds quite an awkward middle ground.

Ignoring the fact that the video contains a massive Prime bottle frozen in an ice cube – yes, really – I cannot fully tell if this is a joke song or genuine attempt at pop stardom. There would be a boyish charm to his inept vocals if not for how egregiously layered and multi-tracked they are to sound like a Lil Nas X caricature, there would be some laughs to the Flo Rida-level lyrics if he didn’t deliver references to his own energy drink brand with a straight face. There would be some fun to find in the guitar-tinged drill beat not dissimilar to, say, 24kGoldn, if it wasn’t so smothered in the mix by a rumbling bass competing with overly trinketized drums and quadrupled vocal takes. The verses are so short, rendering the song primarily as a hook machine, and yes, it is catchy, but the lyrics don’t merit that or stick in your head as anything but sound: consider what he’s actually saying – if you don’t know anything about ice, how do you have bling? What does “They know me where it snows, I skied in and they froze” really mean? What brag is that, JJ? That your biggest fans are in the Alps? Once you commit so much to the jewellery-as-ice metaphor, you start to make zero sense. I will give credit to the fact that Trippie Redd delivers here, as whilst they have collaborated prior, and Trippie does anything for a check – ask MGK – he has some genuine grit to his whiny bellowing that lets him get away with the backing “Woo!” ad-libs and the actually okay content in his short verse, which is performed partially in an accent that reminds you that, yes, Trippie Redd really is from Ohio. In fact, he saves the song for me, even if there is some irony in that he dismisses his foes as “cold” when that’s the song’s main conceit.

With all that said, it does not matter. The song is listenable and catchy enough to work as meme fodder, it has a high-budget music video and big-name guest star that will attract investors, and it still is, despite all its flaws, somewhat entertaining, and completely kid-friendly. “Thick of It” really isn’t an awful song – it’s just KSI’s first step into becoming an ITV game show host. When you’re not taken seriously as an actor, singer or boxer, and he doesn’t even seem to want to be particularly, light entertainment may just be the way out of YouTuber purgatory for our guy here. Or get Craig David back. That’d be fun.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to Coldplay for “ALL MY LOVE”, which isn’t great but outside of some elements of Perrie’s, may be the only new entry worth defending. As far as the worst, I suppose it is “N o C h i l l” by PARTYNEXTDOOR. KSI’s song really is far from as bad as it’s painted out to be. As for what’s on the horizon, I think the UK Singles Chart will look completely different, but it’ll also still be the charts. Oh, and The Kid LAROI. For now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

[whenthegoldrays]

hiii elly <3

kinda bored lately and wanted to watch something so came here for recs :) could be of any kind btw like movies, tv shows (any language)

also maybe not something from your top ten kdramas post lol i've already watched most of the shows on there

also how're you doing?

hope you're doing well <33

Hey girl hey! Thank you for asking, I'm doing well! Terribly busy, but on the whole things are good. How about you?

Oooh okay this is quite a thing to ask me, I'm going to get decision paralysis dhdvdvdg but let me think of some less-common things I can recommend!

Available on Prime Video.

The Surprise (2015). Also available on Tubi. After inking their own death warrants, an eccentric millionaire and distraught woman fall in love and find voiding their contracts isn't an option. Romance! Dark humor! The k-drama truck of doom, except it's a Dutch movie! (Disclaimer: I do not recommend watching this film if one is suicidal)

From Prada to Nada (2011). A modern Mexican-American adaptation of Sense and Sensibility that surprisingly really works?? The title is woeful but the movie is pretty darn good.

The Lady Vanishes (2013). Iris Carr is traveling across Europe by train when she befriends Miss Froy, an elderly English woman. But when she wakes up from a few hours' sleep, Miss Froy has vanished. As fellow passengers claim the lady never existed, Iris fights to discover the fate of Miss Froy - and prove that she's not going mad.

Love and Friendship (2016). Adaptation of Jane Austen's Lady Susan, starring Kate Beckinsdale. The main character is the definition of gaslight gatekeep girlboss, and the supporting characters are all just. so funny.

To Tell The Truth (1961). If you just want something to distract you that doesn't take a lot of thinking, old game shows are ideal. In this one, a celebrity panel tries to guess which of three strangers is the person they claim to be.

Masterpiece/PBS Passport Shows.

All Creatures Great and Small (since 2020). Season 4 currently airing. A feel-good (but unafraid to get real and sad) show about the misadventures of a country vet practice in Yorkshire.

Miss Scarlet and the Duke (since 2020). Season 4 currently airing. In 1880s London, the daughter of a private investigator decides to take over his detective business after his untimely death. Mystery series that also has just about the BEST opening titles ever.

Available on Tubi (which is free!)

Forever Young (1992). The movie where I realized that Mel Gibson was cute, actually. In 1939, a heartbroken Army pilot volunteers for a cryogenics experiment and wakes up in 1992, where he gets a second shot at love.

The Space Between Us (2017). On his first visit to Earth, a man born and raised on Mars bonds with a street-smart young woman while unraveling the mysteries of how he came to be. To quote my mutual Chris: "wanna cry? 🥰"

The Dick Van Dyke Show (1960s). Some of the stuff hasn't aged well, but this is still one my top favorite old sitcoms. All the characters are so fun and endearing. You probably won't want to sift through all five seasons, so my top episode recommendations are "The Curious Thing About Women" (s1 e16), "The Two Faces of Rob" (s2 e2), "That's My Boy??" (s3 e1), "Big Max Calvada" (s3 e9), "October Eve" (s3 e28), "My Mother Can Beat Up My Father" (s4 e1), "4 1/2" (s4 e7), "The Impractical Joke" (s4 e16), and "Coast to Coast Big Mouth" (s5 e1).

(I got a little too excited with those episode recs, oopsie 🤭)

The Surprise, like I mentioned.

I just found out that they have some episodes of The Flintstones and Tom and Jerry on Tubi, if you want some good nostalgic laughs.

Available on Netflix.

Love At First Sight (2023). Cute romance about taking a chance on a good feeling.

The Adam Project (2022). You've probably seen it, but I will mention it anyway! Time travel. Annoying and precocious 12-year-old child. Ryan Reynolds and Zoe Saldaña. Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo! FIVE STARS.

Trevor Noah: I Wish You Would (2022). The best Trevor Noah special, in my opinion. The curry story??? Iconic forever and ever.

The Full-Time Wife Escapist (2018). A woman takes a job as a housekeeper, but in order to stay in it, she and her boss agree to a contract marriage. If you've ever seen the k-drama Because This Is My First Life... This is the better version of that show, imo. The ML is suchhh a sweetheart.

Indian Matchmaking (since 2020). I never watch reality TV, so I don't know how I started seeing this show, but it's SO good and super bingeable.

Omg the Jurassic Park movies are on Netflix right now

Available on Hulu.

Wild Mountain Thyme (2020). It's a love story, and it's so silly and enjoyable. The resolution is just shdhfhshshsg

The Giver (2014). Jonas learns the secrets of the past, and the utopia he's grown up in begins to look more and more dystopian. Also, Taylor Swift is there for some reason.

Flamin' Hot (2023). It wasn't until I watched this that I realized how much I need movies about Mexican success stories in my life. File this under ✨inspirational✨

If you haven't yet watched The Artful Dodger (2023), you absolutely should. Come for the romance, stay for the absolutely bonkers, insane hijinks.

I barely started watching Timeless (2016), but it looks really fun and good. It's about time travel, unsurprisingly for me 🤭

Available on Disney+

Baby's Day Out (1994). A childhood CLASSIC of mine. The cuteness is just. so much. The humor is standard slapstick, but really fun, and the mom has some of the most gorgeous 90s outfits omggg

Hidden Figures (2016). I love this movie endlesslyyy. Awesome intelligent Black women overcoming the odds, space race setting, and even a side of cute romance.

The Art of Racing in the Rain (2019). Dare I say, best dog movie I've seen?

The Call of the Wild (2020). Another dog movie, with Harrison Ford. I don't remember much of it but I remember really enjoying it.

Milo Murphy's Law (2017–2018). Have you seen this follow-up to Phineas and Ferb? If you haven't, you need to. The comedy is so gold tier and the music slaps.

Delicacies Destiny (2022). I kind of stopped watching this c-drama about 1/3 of the way through, but I totally should pick it up again, and it's worth watching even if just for all the gorgeous food scenes.

And of course, anything from my top ten k-dramas that you haven't seen yet is an automatic recommendation 😌

This got. so long. I hope you find something here that you like and thank you for asking @milkteawithrusk!! This was so fun to put together! 🫶🏼