#Resolving Resentment

[smile-files]

nickel and balloon stuff from spring on the breakfast!!! i'm keeping in mind that in the previous episode, both of them were under the impression that their friendship wasn't real...

in a way, ii3 balloon is a lot like late ii3 cabby. of course, balloon did something indisputably immoral (manipulate and exploit others), and cabby only did something thought to be immoral (keep and use files about her fellow contestants) -- but both did something wrong and had to subsequently undergo a disproportionate amount of abuse and malignment for it, ending up with them being apologetic and submissive to avoid any chance of being framed as bad again. the biggest difference is that cabby has internalized the guilt others have attributed to her, while balloon largely hasn't -- he understands the concept of rolling with the punches for the sake of keeping good connections, but he doesn't believe he deserves it.

nickel brushes off ii2 a LOT this episode. to rid himself of his guilt regarding that time, he necessarily has to delegitimize the hatred he felt towards balloon then, thus also ridding balloon of his guilt. he expresses this all vaguely, choosing to remember ii2 fondly and saying off-hand that its baggage should be laughed off -- implying that balloon has been forgiven. reasonably, balloon is happy that nickel seems to actually believe he's changed for the better, so initially this makes him happy.

of course, though, it becomes clear that nickel just wants to shove his own actions under the rug, and balloon reasonably gets pissed off. nickel treated balloon and suitcase like complete garbage in ii2, and balloon clearly hasn't forgotten that.

"it keeps things easy." it keeps things easy to roll with the punches, to endure nickel's abuse and accept his sudden friendship. note, also, that nickel is still placing the blame on balloon: he's saying that balloon didn't want to "make things better", as if nickel and balloon ever having a rift was entirely balloon's fault, and his problem to fix.

and as we can see, nickel still hasn't fully forgiven balloon for ii1. as i've discussed before, nickel seems to secretly feel incredible guilt about how he treated balloon in ii2 (which is why he goes to such lengths to repress the whole memory of it) -- but that guilt is about the way in which he expressed his disdain and distrust of balloon, not those opinions themselves, nor the motivations for them. this is all very interesting, then -- if he still believes balloon can't change from his old, bad self, why did nickel start being friends with him at all?

i think a large part of it is his projection onto balloon. nickel sees himself in balloon: someone who screwed up big-time and isn't able to become a better person after that (according to nickel). we tend to gravitate to people similar to us, after all. i wouldn't be surprised if nickel was also trying to overcompensate for his hostility towards balloon in ii2 by being very friendly with him in ii3, thereby helping him forget that he was ever hostile to him at all.

the most fascinating thing to me about balloon and nickel's relationship is how impersonal it is for balloon. he seems to value what nickel's affection represents rather than nickel himself -- and it represents that he's been forgiven. anyone who saw balloon and nickel's conflict in ii2, which was a product of balloon's nastiness in ii1 and nickel's subsequent inability to forgive that nastiness, would likely come to accept balloon and forgive him themselves if they then saw nickel being friendly with him -- because nickel is the epitome of the ii contestants' anger at him, and nickel of all people (seemingly) forgiving him would imply that he's really changed. the relationship is almost entirely a symbol in that regard. i don't think balloon has much residual guilt about is actions in ii1 -- he feels like he's adequately addressed them and changed -- but nickel having a positive relationship would be helpful in affirming that stance and proving to himself that he really has changed.

i wouldn't say it's cruel of balloon to keep this relationship going on under that pretense, but it is backhanded, and it helps explain why he was ever willing to accept nickel's friendliness unchallenged. he wanted his crimes to finally be laid to rest once and for all, and keeping nickel on good terms with him would let that happen. people would finally shut up about it. up until now, nickel wasn't explicitly denying his past cruelty towards balloon anyway, so balloon would be able to ignore that he neglected to ever bring it up; now, though, nickel is denying not only what he did to balloon but also to suitcase, which balloon is not able to tolerate. now that he's confronted nickel about that though, nickel snaps back with his condemnation of what balloon did in ii1, thereby uprooting the social stasis balloon had been able to maintain precisely because nickel refused to bring anything up before. in a way, then, balloon is purposefully shoving the past under the rug, just like nickel is.

we can't forget, though, that nickel has his own complex about fearing that he's incapable of change and incapable of forming positive, genuine relationships with people. balloon is essentially revealing that, in a way, he wasn't really friends with nickel -- at least not in the way nickel wished and fooled himself into thinking they were. if balloon truly were friends with nickel like that, then that would mean that balloon had forgiven him for his cruelty in ii2, and perhaps that he really has changed... but no. balloon hasn't forgiven him. why should he? nickel never apologized -- and given how he never apologized, it's impossible that he could've changed anyway: nickel doesn't want to apologize because that means addressing his guilt and allowing himself to feel it. he wants the forgiveness to be handed to him on a silver platter, without him having to do all of the painful work, and he's incredibly upset when it isn't. he wants to not be a bad person, but in order to do that, he has to feel like one, and he really doesn't want to. he hates who he was and doesn't want to associate with it at all.

(note how it's the suitcase robot who says "you can say sorry" when nickel says that nothing can be done about making things better...)

there's clearly an immeasurable amount of resentment these two have been harboring for each other throughout this season, which they'd only been hiding for the sake of fooling themselves into thinking they've changed (nickel) or thinking that others think they've changed (balloon). and now that they've let themselves explode with anger, partly related to the lies they'd been telling themselves falling apart, they yell at each other and balloon drops nickel down a hole!

ah, balloon and nickel's relationship... it's bizarre, it's toxic, it's convoluted, it's shady, and it's incredibly sad. i'm glad i'm revisiting ii3, especially this episode -- i used to be utterly baffled by nickel's writing, particularly in spring on the breakfast, but now it makes complete sense to me. also, i used to think balloon was entirely the victim in this relationship, while now i know that he has his own faults and own baggage in that regard. it's weird -- they hate each other, but at the same time they're dying to be liked by one another. god i love these freaks...

[dairyfreenugget]

(Alt text under read more)

I think "one or more of them is in danger or almost fucking dies, in the process discovering their child's impurity, and then after a lot of emotional turmoil they just pass the fuck out the second they're safe and calm again thanks to the awful, exhausting day they've had" is a scenario I write weirdly often for this messy as hell family

Anyway. Family cuddles. My babygirl is exhausted and deserves to be held for once

ID start: A black and white doodle of the Pale King, White Lady, and Pure Vessel from Hollow Knight as humans. The three of them are covered in bruises and scratches. They're sleeping in a pile of blankets with the Pure Vessel tucked in between their parents, with only their face showing. The Pale King is hugging them with both sets of his arms, his face buried in their hair, while the White Lady lays beside them with her arm drapped over the both of them and roots coiling around them. End ID.

[autumnhobbit]

would you all think that continually rescheduling even up to the last minute before an appointment, regularly switching from call to texting even when i’ve said i find texting less helpful because it comes off more brusque, no consistent linear topic directing, constantly directing focus to my day to day life/relationship rather than anything else about me even if i express concern about the rest of it is reason to consider breaking up with a therapist

[hypermascbishounen]

Thinking again about how healing from cycles of revenge and abuse is a pretty common theme in manga and anime,

and in particular from fathers or other male authority figures who have hurt boys in shounen manga and anime,

and how most of them start off from the beginning with the stance that hatred is consumptive, sometimes from a cultural Buddhist context,

to set up how a character will ultimately need to move beyond hating his abusers in order to fully heal,

and how the current wave of english-speaking manga and anime fans new to the genre, don't seem to notice any of this, and get extremely angry if the story pays off its own set-up, and has any character heal in any way that isn't just hating an abuser forever.

[kopivie]

oh and for the record, i don't hate god. i just don't understand why christianity and catholicism seem to use fear and punishment as its way of keeping people in line.

growing up, what made me happiest was engaging in honors with my friends. (for context, pathfinders to adventists is what boy/girl scouts are to literally everyone else, but with added evangelism, camping, outreach, etc.) i loved attending youth congress every january, where i could be in a fancy hotel and learn how to become a leader in my adventist community. i love -- and still love -- teaching drilling and marching and drumming in a drum corps. hell, my favorite method of evangelism was standing in a subway station with my club and singing and praying for people who just needed some comfort for the day.

what bothered me to my core was the constant need for the adults to whip us into shape using religious threats. what would god say? don't use his name in vain (which, for the record, is completely different from what i was told growing up). god hates transgender people. we will never hold gay marriages. even if you are gay and a dedicated adventist, we can fix that. bad things happen to you because god said it was supposed to happen to you.

ooh, and my all-time favorite: if you're depressed, just give it all to god and he'll fix it.

but i thought this was part of his plan? oh, was me being suicidal a step too far?

i fully understand that human beings need to cling on to something higher than themselves. that's why we have astrology and several different religions (nontheistic religions included). the feeling that the universe has something planned for you, or that some higher power will comfort you when no one else will is... a nice thought. even though i avoid church like the plague, i still find myself relinquishing my troubles to god in a pinch. (hell, i'm listening to gospel right now to ease my anxiety so i can focus on studying.)

the thing that steers me away from religion, however, is the lack of agency that i apparently have. god's time isn't working for me. the rest of the world isn't like me, might not know god the way i know him. the world doesn't function on god's clock -- the world functions on a 24-hour or 12-hour clock, okay? i have deadlines, payments to make, things at risk. i can't wait around for god to help me. and oh no, god forbid i get mad with god in my impatience – there are several stories in which people are harshly punished for that. it's almost like being a human being with natural emotions is punishable by death in lots of scenarios.

or in my case, punishable by social exile. bc in the end, the issue will always be with the churchgoers and not the deity itself. (in my story it's the other way around, but we move.) the people who watched me grow up, even close family friends, all treated me like a pariah because i did things like cut and dye my hair and get piercings. i was a babysitter and role model for many kids -- suddenly, their parents are telling them to stay away from me and giving me dirty looks. god's not doing that – the people are.

but that's how you end up with people like me; people who don't know where to direct their frustrations and anger and resentment. do i blame the people? do i blame god? do i blame myself? and if i withdraw my faith in god, can i stop feeling this terrible? where does his plan end and mine begin?

idk, man. religion is weird. you can see why i want to explore this idea of humans relying on themselves instead of a higher power that quite frankly, can't be trusted.

[fitzrove]

Not to be #not a girl's girl but its so frustrating to read Marie Valerie's diary from Spring 1888...

Her and Elisabeth are fussing endlessly over her engagement and talking incessantly about the prospect of her fiance-to-be entering German military service, and when Rudolf objects to that based on (what I assume to be) "hey maybe don't do that i fucking hate Germany and Wilhelm is going to be emperor soon, don't you think it'd make me look like a little b*tch if I as the future Austrian emperor approve of my own sister and her husband becoming part of the German elite ://" they get angry with him and accuse him of being mean and unreasonable and ruining his sister's chances at happiness 😭 and Elisabeth is like, imploring him to be more considerate of Valerie and telling him that if he's bad to her it'll just backfire on him (she explicitly says "I am Sunday's child and can bring good or bad fortune, so remember May 13th"...), which I'm sure is helping his complex about not being the favourite child fkfkfkkf. Not that the latter is her responsibility since this is an adult man who to some extent is going to be able to control the lives of most of his female relatives in the future lol but it's a huge mess jskfkdkd

[aeroknot]

whenever my dad would check in on my dungeons & dragons campaign he would listen with a smile and then unironically say “i think it needs more dragons”

well, dad: we met and made friends with a dragon last session, and he owes us a favor now, so we’ll probably see him again. i miss you. i hope it makes you happy.

[sevenines]

i genuinely think that amethyst and lapis would make great friends but also i love the idea of amethyst vaguely disliking lapis for no big reason

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

y'know as much as i see ruby as my son (and I still do) truth is outside of being a selfshipper I actually do kin ruby - and thought id stay to be a ruby kin but my selfshipping tendencies got the better of me LMAO

[coockie8]

The Burger Kitchen episode of Kitchen Nightmares has to be one of my favourite episodes. It is so funny in the most depressing way.

Owner: *Literally steals $200,000 from his son's inheritance to buy a restaurant his son has no interest in*

Owner: I don't understand why my son holds so much resentment towards me!

[localcoffeeshop]

my conception of the popular & always fun to play in au where betty stays with simon during the crown & subsequent mushroom war apocalypse & finding marcy is FUCKED like it's literally LOVE WILL TEAR US APART core over here it's wild for me

[fideidefenswhore]

I can’t remember where I heard this but I’ve heard some historians say that Anne wasn’t actually very politically savvy and the evidence they gave was the way she alienated people. Is this true? I mean, I know she definitely had political opinions but was she actually a good politician?

I mean, it's sort of a counterfactual, right? There's also a lot of misogyny at play here with that opinion, imho. I say this because, you know, if the judgement is that those that fall victim to political coups by reason of their downfall were never skilled politicians, then why is this primarily said of AB, but never Wolsey or Cromwell?

Also, I mean, context matters, right? Does it really matter, or speak to lack of political skill, that she 'alienated' Wolsey once Wolsey became, relatively, powerless? I suppose it does if you're of the Mantelite persuasion that Cromwell's support of AB as Queen was always superficial, some long-con of long-simmering resentment about her treatment of Wolsey. Anne also managed to win members of Wolsey's household to her side, including Richard Page, who was her ally for the rest of her tenure (her political, career...? ykwim). On the other hand, Cromwell, but there are less notable examples of this ilk, too, such as ...well, now I can't remember his name, but I cited him in another ask, I'll look for him later, but, there's another man from Wolsey's household that became Anne's ally, but later turned once she became Queen, and became a supporter of the Princess Mary (to be edited, linked here, later). So, that is to say, yes, she sometimes alienated people, even those that had previously allied themselves to her, I believe Francis Bryan is another example (I think there was some dispute with her brother between them, which couldn't have helped matters).

There's also like, this certain, how to say this...symmetry when it comes to the amount of influence someone in high title had versus the amount of people they alienated, if that makes sense? The Boleyns were hated for their rise, for many causes, among them that every favour which went to them wasn't granted towards someone else, because it was their allies and favorites that were being promoted, which fueled resentment of those that felt left in the cold. This was similar to the Woodvilles' rise and consolidation of power in the previous century. Power is not limitless power, either, so, it's not feasible to grant every favor that every potential ally asks for... yk, the example that's often cited in arguments for her lack of political savvy is the contentious relationship with one of the few Dukes in the realm, also her uncle. There is not actually an entire consensus on whether or not this relationship was that way, though? I believe Warnicke and Hoak have argued otherwise, that Chapuys sort of misunderstood their dynamic, that they were actually allies, as evidenced by her involvement in the marriage of his son to Frances de Vere, his daughter to Henry Fitzroy, that the report of the Duke being the one to report news of Henry VIII's accident to her in Jan 1536 actually denotes their confidence and even a close relationship.

Maybe there is an argument to be made that she could have been more conciliatory towards her opposition in court, and outside (her stepdaughter, and stepson, apparently Fox&Guy have recently argued), and, I mean...maybe? But also, to give favor to those opposed to reform would have alienated her allies that were reformers. There wasn't any feasible way for her to win over everyone, and there were always going to be those who were implacably opposed to her, and I believe she clocked them. I don't think it would have been 'politically savvy' to spend much of her political capital on appeasing them, if that makes sense. I think the amount which she expended (the offers to her stepdaugher, for example) was actually pretty sound.

There's also just, like, generally speaking, a misunderstanding of the sources which are cited for this argument. One example which comes to mind is the oft-cited 'petty' nature of the choice of Gertrude Courtenay as godmother to Princess Elizabeth. And like, it's not untrue that she was one of the godmothers, and it's probably not even untrue that this was a petty choice (although to claim this alone was enough to cause her enmity and later involvement in the ousting of the Boleyns from power would be...facile, at best), but she's usually the only one mentioned in pop history. Another godmother chosen was Agnes Howard (Tilney), the Dowager Duchess of Norfolk, who also carried Queen Anne's train (it was also Howards doing this, the other was Mary Howard, and Anne's final offer to her stepdaughter included the promise that she would not have to carry her train in her invitation to court), was Anne's step-grandmother and seems to have been her supporter. Margaret Bryan has been cited as another example of Anne's faux pas, petty jaundice, and further alienation of her stepdaugher's supporters, in her choice of her as governess for Princess Elizabeth's household, since she had previously been Mary's. Oft elided is that Lady Bryan was also Anne's half-aunt, and thus Elizabeth's great-aunt, and that wanting her daughter in the care of experienced and trusted relatives seems fairly reasonable and understandable.

(Yeah, there's like, much that's characterized as 'petty' and 'alienating' that was at the least Henry's choice, as well, even if it there's great likelihood it was influenced by Anne? Princess Elizabeth's household was much larger in retinue and much higher in cost than her sister's had ever been, even when in Ludlow, as part of the politics of ostentation, her train took circuitous routes to better show the pomp and proclaim her title to the people... the former, at least, could only create a larger network of patronage and loyalty, though, and the latter seems a better alternative than any degree of subtlety, which would not telegraph the upcoming Act of Parliament affirming Elizabeth heiress, so...even if the impetus for all the above was the result of the push from her mother, I mean, I don't find any of the above to 'lack' political savvy)

There's also been a misread of Henry's remark at Anne's banquet prior to her first appearance as Queen, and the deliberate invitation of the Duchess of Norfolk (COA's ally, Thomas Howard the Duke of Norfolk's wife, and Anne's inveterate enemy) there, despite knowing her distaste for her royal niece, as both barbs that alienated her even further, and maybe even led to her husband's rancor towards his niece as well (alternately, she invited her because she knew they hated each other and wanted to piss them both off, or, she was invited because she wanted to lord over her new status, as she'd done on a previous occasion, some insult paid via her aunt being either farther behind in the train than she should have been according to rank or seated in a lower-ranking place than her niece, before Anne was Queen). However, the woman invited and in attendance, who Henry loudly (and probably drunkenly) proclaimed Anne's 'fine dowry' towards, was actually again (or, previously), Agnes Howard, the Dowager Duchess of Norfolk, so this demonstrates a continuity of favor, not pettiness towards an enemy.

Anyway, that's my take. I might one day post some master-list of Boleyn alliances from the period of 1528- , because my general impression is that her network of allegiances and support has been underestimated and overshadowed by the court gossip that Chapuys has reported, which doesn't even seem to be given its due parsing as far as this claim, either (for example, it seems likeliest that the identity of the man whom Anne berated for sending Henry's linen to COA so that she could make shirts from it was actually Henry Norris, "one of the principal gentlemen of the bedchamber", given that it was the Groom of the Stool who was responsible for the King's linen and shirts, so, like...Norris might have been upset and even angry about being publically berated in that manner, but was certainly not forever alienated by it, and remained a staunch Boleyn ally for the rest of his own career, regardless...so, I don't think Anne alienated most of her supporters/friends, I think at times her temper got the best of her, but she probably usually mended fences and apologized once she cooled off, such as in the case of Bridget Wingfield).

[imogenkol]

not me suddenly being overcome with the need to have Imogen face the spirit of her Master

[parapsychologicalvulpes]

hot tip: communication is essential for any relationship but especially so in a communal living situation

pls talk to people im begging

[halinski]

Im wanna evil laugh in my mothers face and to just make her shut up omg