the-i-of-the-jeremy-bearimy - Tumblr blog

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I’ve been waiting a year to post this

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noncon friendship

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ah yes, the two genders:

man and bath

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HAUHGUHAUHSUHGUDISHGGHUDHSG

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just had a pumpkin spice latte for the first time. this fucks. everyone apologise to women right now

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at work: i could be cooking and cleaning and coding and reading and working out and weaving tapestries and playing video games and climbing a mountain and having sex and filming a movie right now yet they keep me trapped in this prison. idle hands are the devils plaything and i am being forcibly molded into his perfect conduit. i must break free, seize the day and waste not the beauty inherent to finite mortal life

at home: my one true passion upon this pointless earth is bog mummy imitation

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So, okay, fun fact. When I was a freshman in high school… let me preface by saying my dad sent me to a private school and, like a bad organ transplant, it didn’t take. I was miserable, the student body hated me, I hated them, it was awful.

Okay, so, freshman year, I’m deep in my “everything sucks and I’m stuck with these assholes” mentality. My English teacher was a notorious hard-ass, let’s call him Mr. Hargrove. He was the guy every student prayed they didn’t get. And, on top of ALL OF THE SHIT I WAS ALREADY DEALING WITH, I had him for English.

One of the laborious assignments he gave us was to keep a daily journal. Daily! Not monthly or weekly. Fucking daily. Handwritten. And we had to turn it in every quarter and he fucking graded us. He graded us on a fucking journal.

All of my classmates wrote shit like what they did that day or whatever. But, I did not. No, sir. I decided to give the ol’ middle finger to the assignment and do my own shit.

So, for my daily journal entries, over the course of an entire year, I wrote a serialized story about a horde of man-eating slugs that invaded a small mining town. It was graphic, it was ridiculous, it was an epic feat of rebellion.

And Mr. Hargrove loved it.

It wasn’t just the journal. Every assignment he gave us, I tried to shit all over it. Every reading assignment, everyone gushed about how good it was, but I always had a negative take. Every writing assignment, people wrote boring prose, but I wrote cheesy limericks or pulp horror stories.

Then, one day, he read one of my essays to the class as an example of good writing. When a fellow student asked who wrote it, he said, “Some pipsqueak.”

And that’s when I had a revelation. He wanted to fight. And since all the other students were trying to kiss his ass, I was his only challenger.

Mr. Hargrove and I went head-to-head on every assignment, every conversation, every fucking thing. And he ate it up. And so did I.

One day, he read us a column from the Washington Post and asked the class what was wrong with it. Everyone chimed in with their dumbass takes, but I was the one who landed on Mr. Hargrove’s complaint: The reporter had BRAZENLY added the suffix “ize” to a verb.

That night I wrote a jokey letter to the reporter calling him out on the offense in which I added “ize” to every single verb. I gave it to Mr. Hargrove, who by then had become a friendly adversary, for a chuckle and he SENT IT TO THE REPORTER.

And, people… The reporter wrote back. And he said I was an exceptional student. Mr. Hargrove and I had a giggle about that because we both knew I was just being an asshole, but he and the reporter acknowledged I had a point.

And that was it. That was the moment. Not THAT EXACT moment, but that year with Mr. Hargrove taught me I had a knack for writing. And that knack was based in saying “fuck you” to authority. (The irony that someone in a position of authority helped me realize that is not lost on me.)

So, I can say without qualification that Mr. Hargrove is the reason I am now a professional writer. Yes, I do it for a living. And most of my stuff takes authorities of one kind or another to task.

Mr. Hargrove showed me my dissent was valid, my rebellion was righteous, and that killer slugs could bring a city to its knees. Someone just needs to write it.

[the-i-of-the-jeremy-bearimy]

I was gifted bathtub bulgestarion for my bday what should I do with him. Good and bad ideas please

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fuckkk yes home depot please sell me big red button I want big red button so bad

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Please tag/comment where you're from! Submitted anonymously 🤫

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A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.

Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.

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Senpai says you’re welcome

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"12 hour allergy relief" lmfao bitch I will be sneezing again in 5, 6 hours. im ignoring all dosing recommendations im not a coward i live this 24/7/365. i have so many histamines some of them are herstamines and they're just for the ladies. title ix. cough sniffle n choke squad every day, every way, we itchin CON TIN NEW WALL-E no rest for the afflicted. pass me another little white pill im bout to sneeze loud as hell. uncle sneezes. grandfather sneezes. don't even put my newspaper down just blast that thing both barrels open mouth rattling like a thundersheet backstage at a high school play: "sandra im Not allergic to the dog" implying being allergic to shit is gay. don't even call that Claritin anymore we refer to each other by our Christian names: Loratadine. what a beautiful name for a baby girl

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so if you don’t know what shifting is, a quick explanation is that it’s the idea that the multiverse exists and that you can transport your soul into a multiverse where your favorite characters are real. It’s a whole thing and was hugely popular on TikTok in 2020+2021.

Anyway I am Not judging anyone or even about to comment on shifting in itself.

But there’s also a concept that you can “script” the universe you shift to and even pick your appearance while you’re there.

And in late 2021 I posted a cosplay video that got a fair amount of views and people kept tagging each other in the comments and saying stuff like “I’m faceclaiming her for next time I shift.”

Which I swear did not bother me I was like okay you funky kids.

But two people specifically started taking about using my face when they shift universes to date Draco Malfoy. And I was like man. Don’t use my face to kiss Draco Malfoy. Im begging you.

I didn’t actually say that in the comments mind you I just let them be.

So anyway a few months ago someone posted a video discussing that they were one of the main shifting influencers and they faked everything and they were just lucid dreaming the entire time. So as you can imagine, shifters were very upset to hear this

I made a single comment about this situation. Maybe two sentences. And people are. Very angry.

And now for months I keep getting comments on my TikToks that I’m too ugly to date Draco Malfoy. This is considered the ultimate insult to them, I believe.

“Trust me. Nobody wants that face dating Draco.”

They’re also mostly running K-Pop fancam accounts and I’m trying to figure out the Draco Malfoy K-Pop link but so far I’ve got nothing.

Idk where I’m going with this I just felt like other people should know that I’m currently K-Pop Draco Malfoy’s number 1 enemy.

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One of my favorite thing I’ve learned about animals studies is that you should avoid using colorful leg bands when you’re banding birds because you can accidentally completely skew the data because female birds prefer males with colorful bands

Apparently if you put a red band on a male red wing blackbird his harem size can double

So like you can completely frick up the natural reproduction of a group of birds by giving a guy a bracelet so stylish that females CANNOT resist him

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