#Rereading parts of Demon Apocalypse

[theothershin]

What about it - Shark and Timas navigate the world post apocalypse?

[sugar-grigri]

CSM 172 : Do you hear Chainsaw Man? Because I do !

The more 'silent' a chapter is in terms of dialogue, the more it speaks to you. Especially when the chapter itself talks about sound. And that's the first thing Pochita will tell you: "pay more attention to the noise I make than to my words". Don't worry, everything will become crystal clear, but you have to take it one step at a time. The theme of this chapter is repeated three times. And this theme is not about the ears themselves. It's louder, it's more important, and it's about the power of CSM itself. To understand it, you take it one step at a time, savour every page and look at the beginning of this chapter.

Only the possessed woman with half a canine head manages to avoid Chainsaw Man's attack (OK, she ends up decapitated, but she managed to avoid it). It's not at all insignificant that it's a canine that manages to avoid Chainsaw Man. Knowing how to avoid when the rest of the elite don't even bat an eyelid when CSM comes at them shows you more than you think.

For a start, the animal aspect is reminiscent of several senses: smell, obviously, and the sixth sense, and these two senses should be placed on the same level of importance. The sixth sense is brought to mind by the number 6, which is present several times, just as the sense of smell is used to point out the demons who don't recognise faces but only smells: the knights of the apocalypse.

But let's not go too far, if we want to remain general, what this first part of the chapter evokes are the senses. If we try to divide the chapter into three parts, we end up with a dog that manages to avoid ; the explosion and disappearance of the ears.

Which gives us :

First part = senses

Second part = conflict

Third part = disappearance.

These different elements obviously need to be interpreted. We did it for the first part, let's do it for the other 2.

2. I mentioned smell, Fujimoto represents a spiral, and Yoru appears at the end ready to fight. So we need to associate the notion of conflict with the Knights of the Apocalypse who fought against CSM.

3. Disappearance, the ears disappear. Why do they disappear? Obviously because of Chainsaw Man's power.

So we end up with these three intrinsically linked sub-themes:

Senses

Knights of the apocalypse

Power of Chainsaw Man.

So we continue to unravel the threads. If the number 6 is mentioned, it's to encourage you to reread two chapters, chapter 6 and chapter 84, in which Makima talks about the sixth sense.

What do these two chapters have in common? They both deal with Chainsaw Man's power, one talking about the system of fears and the names of demons, the other about Chainsaw Man's power, what disappears and the conflict with the Knights of the Apocalypse.

All our themes are there. But I explained to you that it was recalled three times. It's mentioned a second time in the title (BZZZZ = sound of chainsaws, therefore evokes CSM, Boom evokes conflict, Chomp, something cut off). But that doesn't mean that the title simply recalls the themes, it does so through noise. Logically, we're talking about hearing in this chapter! But then again, it's also fundamental, we'll move on.

The three themes are recalled a third time in this page: the ears recall the senses, the cross with the arms of CSM the disappearance, the supression or its power and the spiral, the knights of the apocalypse. If all this is recalled in a single page, it's inevitably to link them.

So what is Pochita saying?

🌀❌👂

The knights of the apocalypse don't hear me.

Now that sounds obscure. But CSM is rich enough to help you understand the implications of such a statement. So why don't we reopen our tomes and look for chapter 53.

Angel explains that all the demons heard the sound of a chainsaw at the moment of their death in the underworld. As the life cycle of demons is infinite, this implies that they hear this sound at the moment of their death in the underworld as well as their rebirth on earth.

Keep this in mind. To give you a better understanding, I'm going to go back to chapter 104. In this chapter, Yoru explains that despite all the times she killed CSM, he came back. Haven't you ever wondered how Pochita could get up so many times and still be so powerful?

What's the secret behind his power, one of the conditions of which is that he is the most feared? How did he achieve this power?

You've heard this secret from the start:

"VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

I think some of you will have rediscovered some of the links, while others may have lost their way. But let's imagine you're dying (poor soul) and I say to you as you take your last breath: AHAH WELL DONE!

And imagine that you are reborn. You're going to want to take revenge for what you've heard, aren't you?

Hell is by definition, not heaven............ It's not necessarily a place where people live together in peace............ So imagine a demon killed by another demon, but the devil who died hears chainsaws. They won't necessarily remember who killed them, but at least they'll remember the last noise he heard. Why? Because hearing is the last sense to diminish when you die.

So Pochita's secret is to make his chainsaws roar to regain his power. Because when a half-dead demon hears it, it frightens him. Logically associating it with death.

So what is the secret of the Knights of the Apocalypse? To rely on their sense of smell. Or to be more precise, to concentrate on another sense other than hearing. Just as the dog was able to do, since he neither looks at CSM nor hears him because he has no ears either. It's the key !

The Knights of the Apocalypse were able to fight CSM because they weren't afraid of him, concentrating not on the noise but on what was disappearing.

The more you concentrate on Chainsaw Man, the more you forget. So the clearer Makima saw her confrontation with Pochita, the more concepts escaped her.

So neither Makima nor Yoru, who focus a little too much on CSM, are the ones who remember the most. The one who remembers the most forgotten concepts but the least about her confrontation with CSM and the one who doesn't give a damn about anything.

At the same time as this chapter reveals a secret about Chainsaw Man's power, it also highlights a weakness: the devil eaten is not immediately forgotten, there is a time lag between the demon's disappearance and the forgetting of the name it represents. Once again, Yoru's reflex is to focus on what is disappearing, rather than, like Katana, on the lure of the chainsaws. How long does this time last? Once again, it's explained in this chapter.

I don't think the chainsaws were given much prominence in this chapter...? I mean, yes, they're there, but the way Pochita goes about it is more like using the eviscerated guts of his enemies. The intestines.

So digestion.

The disappearance of a concept is not instantaneous, it lasts as long as the concept is digested. So if Pochita spits it out..... or vomit.... before digesting…. the concept exists again!!!!!

Of course he's going to spit out the ears, I just pray that katana doesn't stay like that until the end…

But then if hearing is the sense that allows Pochita to be reborn very powerful. It doesn't do him any good to suppress that sense.

Precisely. If CSM dies, he won't be able to regain that power.

To remove his sense of hearing is to ensure that his power dies with him. And no one else benefits.

Above all, it's a sign to his opponents.

Last round.

[skittidyne]

Hii!! I hope you’re having a great day/night! I’m rereading bbac for the third time (I think this is one of the few select fanfics I have to read every few years just to relive the first time I read it) and I never tire from how in awe I always get with each chapter. When I found out you had turned it into an original story, I was (and still am) ecstatic!! I’ll have to find a way to get my hands on it ><! I hope it’s okay to still bring up bbac after— wow, nearly a decade since it first got published on ao3 O.O

Maybe you had answered a similar or the exact question before, and if you had, please do direct me there! If not, I just wanted to ask: How did you plan this entire story? The plot is so rich in mythology and horror elements, especially from various cultures and countries, and you weaved them so beautifully into a harmonious picture with your own take on magic and witchcraft. I had commented years ago in the middle of my first read that bbac is the reason why I’ve come to enjoy magic/fantasy as a genre in fiction, and I’ve been dipping my toes into them since as a media consumer and artist. However, there’s only so much input and output that could happen and I do get overwhelmed by the info I find. So it boggles my mind whenever I wonder how you wrote bbac because it flows so naturally, especially for readers who are not familiar with such elements (it’s me, I’m readers). It’s literally the perfect example of show, don’t tell without excessive exposition.

Have you always been interested in and inspired by myths, horror and etc? How much research did you do before/as you were writing? If you’re comfortable with sharing your methods, that is.

Thank you so much! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

first off, thank you!! it's so nice to receive something like this - words cannot describe the !!!! my heart did!

also, i'm SUPER gratified that bbac holds up to rereads!

don't tell me how long it's been tho

so waaaaay back when, i started bbac with 3.5 things in mind (spoilers for bbac endgame!): necromancer suga, stop the apocalypse plot, kiyoko being the one responsible for the final god, and ensemble cast. actually, in addition to the ensemble cast (believe it or not i hadn't written multiple subplots like that before!) i did specifically want to NOT spoonfeed information, so i very specifically withheld myself from doing so. and it means i succeeded in the show, don't tell, so yaaaaay

but seriously, as to how a huge project like bbac (and originale, now!) came to be... man. it was a lot of vibes, a lot of "what if XYZ, that'd be funny/cool", and some very cool friends i made along the way. also, alcohol. i don't recommend that part as much as i recommend the others.

it was very much a case of "this is cool!!" and throwing it all into a big mixing pot and shaking it. which is technically what all writing is, i just did it with highly concentrated tropes like "goopy shadow demon" and "angels are monsters, too".

i've always been a fan of fantasy setting with a big, worldwide-feeling scale, plus i was living in america (in several different places) writing fanfic about a japanese creation, so there was already incentive to do grabby hands at all kinds of mythologies. also, like many writers, i'm prone to falling down the research rabbit hole. whoops.

i HAVE always been interested in aesthetic horror, though it was only in the last decade or so that i have been able to actually watch horror movies. (i've been able to read horror forever!) i also enjoyed using lesser-known mythologies and delving further into more widely known ones (I WAS BASICALLY FLUENT IN R'LYEHIAN FOR WAY TOO LONG), but it was very much a case of research as i write. so very, very little was planned out from the start, because i'm not a planner.

bonus fun fact: i also originally thought bbac would be like 100k. ha. ha ha.

bbac was also a case in "what i DON'T want to write" - as an example, i very specifically wanted to NOT write werewolves and vampires! they're ubiquitous in fantasy already and i already wrote my werewolf fic so while i did mentally plot out where/how they'd fit into that world, i wanted to explore other things instead. and i did! for a lot of words!

in reworking the fic into an original series (please partake! ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿) i did also rework some of the mythologies i dug into. some were minor fixes, some were more major. (for example, there is no longer a skinwalker in originale, as it's not my place to use those and i don't know as much about navajo/dine as i ought to. but now there's 100% more old norse and 50% more lakota!) but the broad strokes of the plot are still the same. there is still a dragon migration. there is still the dreamlands. (HALF OF LOVECRAFT'S STUFF IS PUBLIC DOMAIN COME AT ME) the gods are new but there's still 3 of them. (or are there) there is, somehow, even more french.

in an ideal world, i also rework the notes i've taken into a creature compendium type thing and also publish it, because sometimes writers DO like telling in addition to the showing, haha.

[threbe]

Was meliodis going to be the villain of 4kota

Random post just came to mind today after I was rereading some of the manga I was talking with someone on Twitter and we were talking about how we didn't really remember much of the manga up till recently when we were rereading it because I was reading the manga back in the day when it was

going on going and never really went back a lot to reread certain parts but after rereading certain parts it would make me change my view on certain things like shipping Merlin and Arthur and shipping anyone with Merlin at all Elizabeth and meliodas's relationship and certain other characters as well

and they also got me wondering after rereading some parts of it yesterday and today and one of my thoughts was what if the same way Elizabeth's spent years dying over and over again and meliodas spent time and time again trying to save her what if we saw the reverse in the four nights where even though many years had passed and Elizabeth had

had a kid she had spent her time trying to figure out a way to get meliodas back still and save him the same way he saved her so many times Life after Life and meliodas was the villain in the four nights of the Apocalypse instead of Arthur sure Arthur's set up as the villain makes sense especially after

everything that happened to him but the villain set up was also there for death peers but it was also mainly there for meliodas especially after so many things we found out about him during the seven deadly sins manga and there's still a lot we don't know about him even though he was the main

character the same with Merlin even though we got her backstory in the god awful chaos ark I feel like there are so many more layers to Merlin we don't know everything and now due to four nights there are even more mysteries when it comes to Merlin and even certain things when it comes to the demons and meliodas himself

I know this sounds like a crazy idea but hear me out imagine after meliodas and came back after being killed part way through the manga by esterosa

Imagine he and Elizabeth ended up doing what they did and Tristan came along 16 years later like he does in the manga anyway

The parkway through the manga and the seven deadly sins meliodas turns evil / gets possessed by the demon Kings similar to how it seems that Arthur is being turned evil/possessed by chaos chaos who I'd like to point out sees the other races it creates is failures and feels that humans are the

perfect representation of chaos itself which is why it's using Arthur its first human hostess ever had to fulfill its true dream of getting rid of the other races but the seven deadly sins and even Merlin possibly stand in the way of that but I wonder what would have been like if meliodas was the villain or rather was he maybe really supposed to be the villain

chaos was only hinted at once or twice but never really properly but meliodas being evil was hinted at several times here and there we even found out that the reason the holy war started was because of meliodas we never found out how meliodas and Elizabeth met why he decided to go from wanting to be the next demon King and giving then giving up his position how he and Elizabeth fell in love what made people trust him back during the first holy war and several other things that happened including with Merlin and certain things that were mentioned that were never brought back up again or given an answer to

Like I'm just wondering what's the end goal to have meliodas be the villain and it carry over to the next story cuz let's be real so many fans have made jokes about this I've joked about this people still make jokes about how the chaos are feels random and tacked on we only had maybe two hints

throughout the whole manga about chaos and there was one in the druid Arc which I think was like what the third or fourth Arc of the mango and then there was maybe one other hint about chaos in the first seven deadly sins movie at the end of the movie or and after credit scene if I'm thinking right where Merlin mentioned that hawk mama was the mother of chaos and then when you go read one of the side chapters if I could have found it I would have posted picture from it so that melioda's net hawk mama and it was in Camelot and I made a post about this before where hawk mama was

probably in Camelot since that's where Arthur was along with Excalibur since she's linked to both of Excalibur and Arthur since she carried chaos within her cuz that's where chaos it is true power was sealed for all this time so Merlin unlocked his power in the final Arc of the seven deadly sins in the chaos part

But even though towards the end of the mango we got a few hints here and there that Merlin was up to something and it involved the magical lake and sure we all put two and two together going oh it's the magical lake and the Lady of the lake is there and then we finally got to meet the lady in the lake and she explained everything it still feels like BS that was tacked on last minute I remember someone made a post about this on Reddit where they talked about how a comment they found somewhere where someone said that nakuba finish the manga winning laid down and then woke up in the middle of the night and realized he forgot about Arthur

because when you get towards the end of the manga it does truly feel like the end and then we get a few more chapters tacked on at lead us into the chaos ark and they just truly do feel like Arthur was forgotten and all of the honest as much as I like Arthur's character maybe that's what should have happened or maybe in the manga instead of having Arthur become the villain which if you look at it he is justified in becoming the villain considering

everything that happened to him and his kingdom and humans but it just feels like if meliodas had stayed the villain maybe it would have made sense and we saw how for years and years meliodas tried to always save Elizabeth it would have been interesting to have it where the story turned everything around and we saw Elizabeth trying to save meliodas for a long time the same way he always tried for a long time to save her

I'm just thinking that maybe would have made more sense or maybe that was the plan but some things changed around because I do remember it being said that originally nakuba wanted to write four nights of the Apocalypse first so maybe in four nights of the Apocalypse originals story or story Bible or whatever they're called maybe meliodas was the villain but part way through writing the story and getting through the seven deadly sins

stories that he decided to do first so he can set up the world building he decided that maybe having Arthur is the villain after everything that happened towards the end of the manga made more sense because there was one point in the manga after like I said they defeated the demon King the first time and everybody was at the boar had celebrating and everything it seems like the mango was going to end right there and that probably would have been a good place to end the manga

Like an alternative I can think of for the manga if we didn't get four nights as it is right now is if Arthur stayed still to sleep in the ruins of where Camelot and the lake and everything was for 16 years then down the line even if Percival is or isn't the main character Percival in his group Tristan Lance and gwaian I'll still come along at some point and are still becoming the four nights somehow maybe there is a different evil maybe instead of Arthur

they still would have gone after death. Like maybe imagine a part of chaos was actually active somewhere else and death Paris got a hold of it and he was going to try to become the ruler of chaos but since chaos was always meant for Arthur even though death Pierce wounded and the four nights did get assembled to go after him so he couldn't destroy Britannia using the dark power of chaos and chaos staff if he created them and the four nights come along and they have to band together they're not only stop death peers but then find the real king of chaos who is King Arthur and they find Arthur and somehow together they're able to wake our throw up by pulling Excalibur together out of him and

then someone heals him and he wakes up and at 16 years later and together with Arthur they rebuilt Camelot and go on different quests cuz I'm beyondest I thought that's what four nights was maybe going to be about I thought the four nights was going to be about some nights gathering together to help Arthur form the round table but we're fighting Arthur and he's evil and from what we all can clearly see it's not Arthur it's just chaos and at some point Arthur is going to get separated from chaos or at least the fragments of chaos that's inside of him corrupting him I don't think chaos is a hole will be separated from Arthur at least not the same way it was with meliodas when he was

possessed by the demon King I don't know this was just a thought I had like it would have been interesting if Arthur woke back up and with the four nights band together to stop meliodas properly and truly bring him back to his senses and let him reunite with his son and then maybe he dies in the end cuz he's free from The demon King and free from his curse and he passes away knowing that he finally got the truly love Elizabeth and that they made a wonderful child together and then he

passes away at the end of the story wouldn't even have to be that long at best it could maybe be like 12 volume but I'm not saying this to like make a like a whole rewrite to replace the story we have now this is just an idea of what I think it could have been like so far with reading the four nights in rereading it and rereading some of seven deadly sins over the past few days cuz I had forgotten some stuff again the story isn't that bad they're just certain elements in the story and fetish like things it feels like in the story that kind of turn you off from the story and it's mostly just me and I've seen a few other people just wondering like what if because some things

with the story just feel like they would add up more if they wanted different way so that's why I made this post cuz that's what I've been thinking and I talked about it with a few other people and we've all just been thinking like what if the story went a different way cuz just certain things when I think about them would have added up more like I said and the main point of this post is if meliodas have been the villain and how things will turn out

Cuz looking at what has happening now with chaos it just feels like the same story that meliodas was going through to begin with Arthur is possessed by chaos the same way meliodas was possessed by the demon King they're both just possessed although I don't think Arthur is going to get a redemption or he's going to die like King Arthur usually does at the end of anything related to King Arthur if he lives Arthur's going to be sealed away or Merlin's just going to take him away somewhere and they're going to be in love possibly I don't know 😐

I really hope we don't have it where it is kind of like with the seven deadly sins manga where we thought we had one villain then there were true villains and it was the we thought it was Hendrickson and then it was the ten commandments and then above the ten commandments this was the demon king and the supreme deity and then it was chaos we do not need all these different layers of villains if it's going to be Arthur just let it be Arthur if it's going to be chaos whatever

I swear to God if it's cathi im going to lose my mind

[cardboardqueen]

In honor of AO3 being down and also realizing that I never posted this fic to tumblr, here’s my Good Omens fic, Unconditionally. [AO3 link]

4254 words, M, Ineffable Husbands, hurt/comfort, mentions of past dubcon but lots and lots of fluff, ace affirmations.  I made myself cry rereading this

           Aziraphale was just as soft as he’d expected, maybe even more so.  Kissing him (gently at first, and then more deeply) was like sinking into bed at the end of a long, long day.  Was like sitting on a rock in the sun.  Was almost like Grace, except without all that pesky guilt.

Six thousand years, and they could finally do this. Six thousand years of watching him from across the garden, the desert, a city square, a table at the Ritz.  Six thousand years of looking over his shoulder, of fluffing up reports, of carrying out a job to the letter so that Hell didn’t have any reason to check up on him.  Six thousand years and an almost-apocalypse and he could finally kiss his angel.

           He brought his hands to Aziraphale’s hips and nudged him backwards towards the loveseat he kept in the living space above the shop.  A loveseat, wasn’t that perfect?  It had been the object of much frustration over the years, having to watch Aziraphale sit there and read with just barely not enough space for him to share without touching. Well he thought now’s our chance, isn’t it?

           So he walked Aziraphale back until his knees hit the loveseat and he had to sit down, breaking the kiss with a breathless, surprised noise.  

           “Change of scenery, dear?”

           “Figured it might make things easier, y’know. Won’t have to worry about falling over.”

           “Excellent idea, my boy.  Now get down here, or I’ll get lonely.”

           “Can’t have that,” Crowley murmured against his lips as he crawled into Aziraphale’s lap.  

           Crowley was no stranger to kissing.  He was no stranger to the bits that came after, either, but this was different than any temptation of a king or deflowering of an important virgin.  This was Aziraphale.  These were Aziraphale’s hands on his waist, on his neck, in his hair.  Aziraphale’s lips on his, more precious that he could ever have imagined.  This felt right and warm in a way no temptation ever could, and he marveled at what he had missed.  It was no wonder humans spent so much time kissing, he was quickly finding that it was one of the best sensations on earth, so long as you actually liked the person you were doing it with.  

           His thoughts were getting away from him a bit. Aziraphale’s kisses were deeper now, harder, and so was the grip on his waist.  Crowley groaned quietly at the rush of sensation (of love too, though he didn’t dare say it yet).  Aziraphale broke the kiss with a grin and met his eyes, bare for once, before diving back in and working kisses across Crowley’s jaw, behind his ear, down his neck, dipping into his collarbone.  He was having quite the difficult time not blaspheming, because the sensations never stopped, they honestly just kept getting better.  Amazing what kissing could feel like when it wasn’t part of a job.

           Crowley wrapped his arms around the angel’s neck and settled more deeply in his lap, pressing their chests firmly together.  His angel was warm, and lovely, and when he wrapped his arms around Crowley tighter still, it made something bright bubble up in his chest. It made his heart skip and his eyes get hot, and so he sat there reveling in it.  Thank anybody that he could simply miracle away the ache in his knees from bending them like this, because he wouldn’t move from this spot, from Aziraphale’s arms, for anything short of another apocalypse.  

           “You know,” Aziraphale breathed against his skin. “If we were humans, this is the part where we would have sex. Do you want to?”

           Crowley froze. A prickle of frost crept down his neck, and then melted to shiver down his spine and into his lungs.  He… honestly hadn’t considered that.  And wasn’t that the understatement of the century, he hadn’t even known that was an option!  Would it even work with a demon and an angel? He supposed they’d had no problem with the kissing up until now, so it was probably fine, but he wished he’d thought of it sooner.  He wished he’d had time to prepare, to do a bit of research, maybe, to brace himself.

           “Crowley, dear?”

           And that was worry in Aziraphale’s voice, wasn’t it? He’d been quiet too long.  

           “Yeah,” he managed, voice rough.  “Yeah, ‘course”

           He caught a small smile flash across Aziraphale’s face and relaxed slightly. He was ok then, hadn’t messed it up yet. With humans it was as easy as dipping your feet into a pond to see their minds, their desires.  Tempting was easier when you could make yourself the perfect temptation, after all.  But angels were different, and Crowley had had to rely on body language, tone, and blessed verbal communication to get this far, and it felt like he was stumbling around in the dark.  

           “Beautiful,” Aziraphale whispered into his collarbones as he undid the top button of his vest. “You really are beautiful, my dear boy.”

           Crowley huffed out a breath at that, distracting Aziraphale with a kiss deep enough that he seemed to forget Crowley’s buttons entirely.  He skated his hands down Crowley’s sides slowly, and goodness that did feel nice.  This is what it’s come to he thought to himself he’s reduced me to words like “goodness”.

           But the cold, wet feeling in his chest was still there, and it seemed to have doused that bright, bubbly thing from before.  Why was that? He had no reason to be nervous.  In fact, he had every reason to be confidant, to take the lead and show his angel the time of his life.  He didn’t know if Aziraphale had ever made the effort before, but he doubted Heaven would have approved.  Crowley on the other hand, had thousands of years and hundreds of temptations worth of experience to draw from.  He could give his angel everything, and he couldn’t possibly fail. He just had to listen, to read it right, find the small grin or raised eyebrow that meant that he was on the right track, and he would be fine.  He could do this.  

           Aziraphale’s hands wandered back down to his hips and traced the waistband of his skin-tight jeans, fluttered over his belt, dipped under the fabric to caress the skin of his hips.  Those beautiful hands dipped lower, below the waistband of his underwear.  They may have bent reality a bit to allow those hands to take gentle handfuls of Crowley’s ass and pull his hips closer still.

           Crowley gasped raggedly, breaking the kiss as Aziraphale pulled him close and he could feel it now.  Regardless of any effort made in the past, his angel was making an effort now and that was.  Perfect. That was perfect, that was exactly what was supposed to happen.  Crowley didn’t know why he hadn’t made the effort himself yet, Aziraphale was bound to notice soon.  

           Ducking his head into the safety of his angel’s warm shoulder, he set his mind to it, called a cock into existence with all of his considerable will and imagination.  It didn’t come.  It had always come before. Instead of a cock there came the pinpricks in his fingers and toes, crawling up his arms and legs.  Those were normal by now, but usually he at least had a cock to go with them.  

           He felt Aziraphale latch onto his neck again, the other side this time, but it felt far away.  His heart started tripping again like it always did before sex, less like skipping though a meadow and more like stumbling down a steep rocky hill.  It went quiet for long moments at a time, trying to find the safest path before jerking to a start and sliding a few feet on loose dirt.  The cold wet thing in his chest was spreading, dripping down to his stomach. It slipped down his arms in goosebumps that turned them to lead around Aziraphale’s neck.  No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to find the gentle warmth from before.  With a cold start he realized that with his eyes buried like this, he couldn’t actually tell Aziraphale apart from any of his jobs.  He should have been able to.  Aziraphale felt nothing like James I, or Alexander the Great, or Elizabeth I, or Nzinga, or Julie d’Aubigny, or, or, or.

           He was starting to tremble.  He could feel it, barely, just like he could feel Aziraphale move away from his neck and nudge him backwards gently.

           “What do you want, my dear boy?”

Crowley pulled his brain back into his head and met Aziraphale’s eyes. They were dark with arousal, and so deeply adoring that it nearly took his breath away.

           “I… what?”

           A wry grin crept onto Aziraphale’s face.  “What would you like to do, Crowley? Don’t get me wrong, kissing you is a dream, but if we’re going to do things the human way, there’s a lot more to it than kissing.”

           Crowley managed a chuckle at that.  He was overreacting, clearly.  Aziraphale was here, and he was himself.  Crowley could feel the warmth slowly seeping back into his legs from where he sat on the angel’s lap.  

           “Have a lot of experience doing things the human way, do you?” he asked, throwing a grin back.

           “Well,” Aziraphale finally seemed a bit flustered at that.  “You know how much I enjoy the comforts of earth.  I figured, if I’m going to be living here, I’ll need to be familiar with the experience. That was the excuse I prepared for Head Office anyway.  After a while, it was just because I enjoyed it.”

           “Angel!” Crowley laughed in mock astonishment. “An angel of the lord inciting lust amongst men! The scandal of it all!” This was good.  Crowley could do banter, and his heart had stopped slipping down hills

           “I don’t know how much ‘inciting’ I was doing, they seemed to have it all worked out on their own.”

           A wide grin stretched Crowley’s face as something occurred to him.  “So you did fuck Wilde then!”

           “I…” “Well Crowley I never…” “A gentleman does not kiss and tell!” was what Aziraphale finally settled on.

           “I always thought it was odd that you had three signed copies of The Importance of Being Earnest.  You were the Jack to his Algernon, only you actually got to fuck.”

           “Crowley really,” he said, but he was grinning. “This is hardly the time to talk about what Oscar and I may or may not have been up to.  I was asking about you!”

           Aziraphale’s perfect fingers began tracing the crease in Crowley’s jeans where his thigh met his hips.  Right next to where his cock would be, if he had managed to make the effort.  His heart stumbled another few feet, and had trouble finding solid ground again.  

           “What about me, angel?” he asked with a teasing grin.  He was sure he could manage it if he just had a moment, just another moment.  

           “What do you like, dear?  What would you like to do?” Aziraphale’s voice was lower and a bit rumbly, and any other moment Crowley would be thrilled.  “Or what would you like me to do to you?”  

           His fingers were creeping closer to Crowley’s zipper, nails dragging against the weave to send tiny vibrations through the denim.  He was going to feel it, the lack of it, any moment now, and Crowley will have really fucked things up.

           “I… I don’t,”

           “Crowley, my dear?” And there it was, because Aziraphale’s voice was back to normal, maybe even a bit higher, and his eyebrows were drawn together. “Is everything alright, dear boy?”

           The pet name nearly broke him.  He felt his eyes grow hot and his lip tremble and honestly considered praying for deliverance.

           “Oh my sweet boy, what’s wrong?” Aziraphale was pulling away now, putting space between them, and Crowley should have seen this coming but it still hurt to have lost him.

           “Crowley my dear, please talk to me.  You know I can’t read your mind.”

           And wasn’t Crowley grateful for that, it was a mess in there at the moment.

           “I don’t think…,” he managed eventually.  “Would you believe me if I told you this was a bit fast for me?”

           “Oh my dear, of course I’d believe you!” Aziraphale face seemed to break open, partly from relief at getting a full sentence out of Crowley, and partly in dread.  Would he believe…?

           Crowley drew back further, as much as he didn’t want to, and Aziraphale set to making him a comfortable spot next to him on the loveseat.  He settled there gratefully, pulling his feet up and resting his chin on his knees.  He nearly reached for his glasses, but Aziraphale had miracled them away earlier, and he didn’t know where they’d gone.  

           “My boy,” Aziraphale said eventually, turning to face Crowley on the couch. “You’ve been patient for however many centuries, I can be patient too.  We can do this at whatever pace you’d like.” He reached out and gently stroked Crowley’s hand where it rested on his ankle.  “I can wait as long as you’d like.”

           Crowley should have been relieved, he wanted to be relieved, but the courage that he’d mustered up shriveled in his chest.  Aziraphale seemed to notice, because his eyebrows pinched again, and he leaned forward.  

           “My dear, will you tell me what’s the matter?”

           Crowley couldn’t meet his eyes.  Aziraphale’s gaze nearly burned on him, but he didn’t seem angry, so maybe he could salvage this.

           He moved to rest his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder instead, and felt the angel wrap a warm arm around his body, felt the other come to rest on his knee.  “You ever get tired of blessing priests, or whatever it is that Heaven sends you to do?”

           Aziraphale took a moment before he spoke.  For all his faith was sometimes naïve, he really was quite clever.  “I suppose they got a bit tedious at times, but I don’t think I ever got tired of the blessings themselves,” he said quietly, carefully.  “Especially the ones that I got to choose.  The seventeenth order to bless this or that bishop or monastery definitely got repetitive, but once I got there, got to know people, it was always rewarding.  And then I could usually afford to bless a few people on the street, because Upstairs was already expecting to process a few miracles.”

           “And now, after everything, do you still…?”

           “I still bless the occasional stranger,” he said gently. “Even more now that Heaven won’t come chasing me down.”

           “Oh.”

           Crowley could feel Aziraphale watching him out the corner of his eye, but his angel didn’t ask.  Just sat there and held him.  He waited. That more than anything is what prompted Crowley to talk.

           “For us,” he started, a bit roughly.  “For demons, you know, a lot of the jobs are Deadly Sins.  Most sins you can trace back to a Deadly Sin if you’re generous.  Corruption is really just Sloth.  Bribes are really just Greed.  Even the M25, I called that Wrath on the report.”

           He felt Aziraphale smile and press a kiss to his hair.  He pushed on.  

           “’Course, some of them are more specific.  ‘Convince this person to kill this person at this place and time’, ‘Attend this party and cozy up to this or that noble’, ‘Join this queen’s harem and whisper these ideas in her ear’.”

           Aziraphale’s hand (the one not resting gently on Crowley’s arm) was picking at the fabric of his trousers, deep in thought.  Crowley carefully moved his own hand so that it just brushed Aziraphale’s leg.  

           “And, you know, ‘sex sells’.  I’m pretty sure that was one of ours, that whole strategy, but it was hell’s policy long before it hit advertising.  Lust’s the quickest, easiest way to cause trouble, usually, and it comes wrapped up with Greed, Envy, Wrath, and Sloth too.  Somebody’s husband gets angry, somebody else wants to be fucking whoever you’re fucking, somebody abandons their duties in favor of ravishing the new toy. Nobody’s going to trust some weird new guy in the odd glasses with government secrets.  But get the weird guy in your bed, wait to see if he kills you, after that you can probably trust him.  And even if you can’t you at least want to keep him around.”

           With the utmost care, Aziraphale brushed his free hand over Crowley’s, and when he didn’t pull away, held it gently but firmly.  

           “Y’know, for a long time, I didn’t know it was called ‘love making’.  I thought people were talking about something else, I dunno.  It was a tool for me, I figured it was a tool for everybody else.”

           Aziraphale hummed quietly.  Crowley gripped his hand a little tighter.

           “Did you enjoy it?” he asked. “With Oscar, or whoever?”

           “I did,” Aziraphale said quietly after a moment.  

           “Huh.”

           They were both quiet for a long time before the angel spoke.

           “Did you not?  Enjoy it, I mean.”

           “I dunno.” Crowley thought for a long moment before he managed to put it into words.  “It was never for me to enjoy, y’know? It wasn’t about me, it was about the temptation. And you know humans, they’re so transparent.  Five minutes and I knew everything they had ever wanted, every fantasy they had ever had. It was easy to just do that and not think about it.  It got the job done.  And at least when I got to be somebody else for a bit, it was less… I dunno.  ‘Scary’ makes me sound like a toddler. ‘Painful’, maybe.” He was quiet again, but this time the hand not in Aziraphale’s started picking at the couch.

           “I kind of figured that angels and demons weren’t like that,” he said at last. “We haven’t even got the bits unless we make them, I figured nobody really wanted it, and everybody else was just better at sucking it up and doing the job, y’know?”

           Aziraphale sucked in a deep breath.  It only shook a little.  

           “I didn’t know,” he said after a moment.  

           “I mean, neither did I, I can’t blame you for that.”

           Aziraphale finally turned to look him in the eyes.  His angel looked heartbroken, and oh, he did that.  

           “Oh no,” he said, pulling him into a hug. “No it’s fine, angel it’s fine, it’s nothing.  What’s that face for, get rid of that face.  I’m sorry, love, I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m sorry.  I can fix it, I promise.”

           Aziraphale started at that, and pulled away, though not far enough to let go of Crowley.

           “My dear, sweet boy, you will do no such thing,” he said with the most force he had used all night.  “There’s absolutely nothing to fix.  Except perhaps having a stern word with your superiors.  My boy, I never would have asked if I’d known.”

           “Oh G-S-whatever, angel, believe me, a stern word won’t do much down there. And it’s fine, I’ll get over it. I just need a bit of time and it’ll be fine.  Humans do it constantly, I’ll figure it out.”

           Aziraphale had that look again, and Crowley scrambled for something else to say before he cut him off.

           “Crowley, that night, after the trials, you said that you’d wanted to kiss me for thousands of years, do you remember that?”

           Crowley was blushing furiously, but he managed to nod.  

           “In all that time, have you ever imagined having sex with me?”

           Crowley’s stomach dropped, and he went cold all over.  He refused to meet Aziraphale’s eyes.  

           “My dear, I don’t mean to upset you.  It’s not a trick, I just want to know.”

           “Once,” he whispered.

           “Once?”

           “Yeah.”

           “And what was that like?”

           Crowley’s brain ground to a halt.  What had it been like?  It hadn’t been like much of anything because he couldn’t get his brain to go past taking off his angel’s waistcoat.  It all just stopped.  

           “’t was after I woke up.  When I figured out you and Wilde had been a thing,” he said after a while, still not making eye contact.  

           “You really are hung up on Oscar, aren’t you?” Aziraphale chuckled.  

           “Yeah, I was.”  That was angrier than he had meant it to be but, well.…

           “Oh.”

           “Yeah.”

           “Whatever for?” Aziraphale asked eventually.  

           “Well you never shut up about him.  Kept talking about his bloody plays, and his book, and that damn cigar lounge.  And he’d had quite a reputation.”

           “I know gossip is a sin, but I thought you were better than to go around judging people-”

           “Not like that, angel, just…. I think that was the first time I wondered if I was meant to enjoy it.  You seemed to have liked him so much, and he had that reputation so it wasn’t unreasonable to assume that you and he might have…. And it couldn’t have been a job for you, so you must have enjoyed it.  And anyway, I thought, well, maybe I could enjoy it.  If I tried.  So I tried. And I couldn’t.  It wouldn’t work.”

           “What wouldn’t work, my dear?”

           “My blessed brain couldn’t even imagine it properly!  Completely bloody imaginary and I still can’t get it right.” Crowley was tense all over, nearly shaking from anger, or frustration, or whoever knew what.  

           “Dear boy,” Aziraphale said, gently pulling Crowley back to rest on his shoulder. “I don’t think it’s something that you get ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.  I think it just is.  If thinking about it upsets you, then it’s not right for you to think about it. It’s meant to be a thing of love, it’s not supposed to upset you.”

           “Yeah, that’s what I’m figuring out,” he mumbled into Aziraphale’s neck. He was still strung tight, but the atom bomb in his chest felt a little less like it was going to explode when he was being held like that.  “If that’s it though, then it’s just me, right?  Like, you enjoy it, which means that other angels and demons probably like it, which means it’s just me.”

           “I wouldn’t say it’s just you, my love.” The pet name made him go warm, but he didn’t dare interrupt.  “And even if it was, it would hardly matter.  There is nothing on this earth nor beyond it that could make me willingly upset you.  It doesn’t matter how much I might enjoy it, it’s nothing if you’re not enjoying it too.”

           “I can figure it out,” Crowley mumbled, but he was losing steam.  He didn’t know how a punch to the gut like Aziraphale’s could feel so good, but it did, and he wasn’t about to argue.  

           “That’s just it though, there isn’t anything to figure out, is there?” Aziraphale nudged Crowley enough to meet his eyes.  “This isn’t something that you should have to ‘figure out’.  I’ve enjoyed sex in the past, but it’s certainly not a requirement.  I also enjoy sushi, and I collect misprinted bibles.  But I don’t expect you to eat things you don’t like, and I certainly don’t expect you to help me repair books that will hurt you.”

           “You don’t need a partner to eat sushi.”

           “No, but it’s nice.  And to be honest, you don’t really need a partner to get off either, do you?”

           “Angel!” he chuckled quietly. “Surely you’re not advocating for the deadly sin of lust!”

           “Hush, you.” Aziraphale pulled at one of Crowley’s hands and laced their fingers together.  “I have loved you for centuries.  I have wanted to kiss you for decades at least.  I may have been a bit slow on the uptake, but I know that for sure.  There are thousands of things I want to do with you that don’t involve sex.  There are no conditions on loving you.  If all I ever do is kiss you and hold your hand, it will be more than I ever thought I could have, and more than enough to keep me happy.”

           Crowley fought back tears that really shouldn’t have been possible with snake eyes, but fuck it.  

           “Angel?”

           “Yes, my dear?”

           Crowley managed a deep breath and a shaky exhale.  He just needed one more thing.

           “What if I never figure it out?”

           “My love, then I will continue to be the happiest I have ever been.”

           Crowley lost to the tears then and did his best to press them into Aziraphale’s shirt instead of letting them run down his face.  

           “Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale said softly, pulling him into a tight hug and easing them both down to lay on the loveseat.  “There is nothing in Heaven or Hell that could stop me loving you, least of all this.  God Herself could come into this shop and tell me to be rid of you, and I would have no problem disposing of Her like I do every other impolite customer. There is nothing wrong with you, and so there is nothing to be ‘figured out’.  If you want to try having sex someday, let me know and we can try.  But if that day never comes, I won’t be any less for it, and neither will you.”

           The bright bubbly feeling was back.  The bubbling was slower, and his chest was stuffed up from crying, but warmth radiated from every inch he touched his angel, and he had this figured out, at the very least.  

           “I love you, angel.”

           “I love you too, my dear, sweet boy.  Unconditionally.”

[dangermousie]

Decided to continue my read of Chang’an’s First Beauty, realized I read the parts I read so long ago, that I might start my reread from scratch.

Still so good, a rare novel that isn’t just fun but quality. I’ve posted about it before, but repetition is the mother of learning blah blah. 

At first glance, the set-up is fairly typical - an aristocratic beauty in distress and a powerful young man who offers to protect her. Sweetness of the usual set up of Mary Sue heroine being protected by a powerful man for no reason, you say? Well, he “protects” her by taking advantage of her distress and offering to make her his mistress. Hard screeeeeeech of the brakes. She takes him up on it; she is scared of him and disgusted by him but speaks sweetly yearning for his money. Breaks break utterly.

This is an incredibly rare web novel where people feel like believable period people and not moderns playing dress up. Nobody is a transmigrator or a powerful martial artist or a demon or has anachronistic useful skills. (The closest we come is ML ends up having memories of his past life with past life FL but they are still normal upper class people in that past life and that knowledge doesn’t confer any super power or anything.)

The heroine, refreshingly, is merely a noblewoman of the period. She is well-educated and beautiful but that’s it. When her family implodes due to her father being framed, she is left with close no resources. Her beauty, her manners, her kindness are all useless. I love her because she’s neither a saint nor a battle axe, just an average enough woman cursed with beauty. I love how she gives ML her body and her compliance and her perfect manners, on the outside a poseable doll, but inside she’s a block of ice who is scared of him, disgusted by him, and keeps running a mental abacus in her head, viewing this as a particularly gross job and focusing on the cash.

The hero is a FUCKING BASTARD. Not in murdering children and planning an apocalypse or w/e exciting villain stuff usually happens. No, he is a typical upper class man of the period, who views the poor and non-blueblooded and women as all lessers, there to at best cater to him. He is a nephew of the emperor (but as son of emperor’s sister is exempt from succession fights which makes his position really great and as an emperor’s favorite) and is high up in the judicial office. When he meets the beautiful heroine in distress, there is nothing chivalrous. Ultimately, he wants her and he buys her, her true feelings and wishes as immaterial to him as a chair’s. As far as he’s concerned, this is a fair bargain. He is cold and demeaning; he’s never cruel on purpose or for enjoyment purposes, but since he doesn’t truly view her as human let alone as equal, he’s thoroughly cruel nonetheless. Their first time is not noncon in the ancient sense but seeing that she only puts up with it to have food and to protect her little sickly brother, and is disgusted by it, it’s horrific anyhow.

The best part of the novel is not the characters (who are all realistic; there is a secondary OTP of heroine’s unhappily married older sister and her suitor that is amazing) or the fairly interesting plot involving conspiracies, but watching ML’s slow transformation as he gradually falls hopelessly and utterly in love with FL only to slow realize how little she cares for him and how he’s wronged her and if you, like me, love watching bastards grovel and grovel and lose their damn mind, this one is for you! (One of the best things for me is that he remains a period man. He repents of how he treated her, he wants her love, he sees her as a person, because he’s fallen for her; his views on classes and genders in society outside of her remain the same.)

I mean, this is pretty early on is deliciousness. He is trying to woo her with his body and so is being the best lover he can be (in contrast to early scenes where he just sought his pleasure and that’s it and however uncomfortable she was he did not even notice) and she is just grossed out and wants him to be done as quickly as possible. LIKE YES YES YES YES!

The darkness of the night was being rendered so sultry by a man’s continuous kisses against a woman’s white skin.

It was the first time Lu Yan was so delicate and dedicated during acts of love. Her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, that spot between her eyebrows, he kissed it all with a slow relish, sporadically lifting his head and observing her face before plunging back. Who could have imagined that the same rigid hands that wrote submissions and death sentences could morph into soft and tender caresses?!

However, Shen Zhen was not enjoying this sudden novelty. In fact, it was making her horribly nervous and anxious. She remembered that the last time she had told him that she was menstruating, he had immediately lost interest, removed his hands from her body and backed away. She was afraid he was planning on pushing perversion to a new level, so she quickly called out to him, very unwilling to cross yet another one of her boundaries under Lu Yan’s coercion.

And a little later, his realization is SO GOOD!!!

And here he was, lying beside this paragon of all qualities, this highly finished piece of nature, as far away from her as if he had never met her. She had built a wall of misgivings, tears, pain, distrust and resentment to separate herself from him as much as she could.  

And he was left on the other side, yearning for her joy, her gratitude, her admiration. He wanted it all. He wanted it desperately. Lu Yan wanted Shen Zhen to regard him as the source of all her comfort, emotional and physical, to view him as the moon of her nights and the sun of her days. Lu Yan wanted Shen Zhen to love him. He needed her to love him. And this newfound knowledge of his own abject dependence on her made him want to break something. But it did not make him want to break free. Not in the slightest.

Good luck, bastardy bastard, you will need it!

PS They are adapting this; it will never ever be as good as the novel, but at least casting Jeremy Tsui as a sexy cold bastard is way on point.

[thescrapbookingscientist]

Bimonthly Media Roundup

Late Again. 2024 has been a little rough.

-Frieren (Anime) - A nice relaxing watch so far, I enjoy slow paced explorations of fantasy worlds so this is fun. The mentor/mentee relationship between Fern and Frieren is cute and I quite like the music as well.

-Sonic DX (Video Game) - This is mainly just here because I re watched the youtube analysis on Chao raising in the Sonic DX games and how hilariously complex it is. There was also a playthrough of the murder of Sonic which was a cute, well drawn and written game. I do wish they'd bring back the Chao garden system, as maybe that would be enough to convince me to buy a sonic game again.

-Mariokart Double Dash (Video Game) - Friend hosted a tournament on her birthday, it was fun to revisit, though I can't say I was great at it having forgotten the controls. Rainbow Road especially was hilarious to play as a warm up as me and my competitor would just fall off every 5 seconds. It was fun once I got the hang of it again though, definitely a good party game.

- Hatoful Boyfriend (Video Game) - Watched more playthroughs featuring almost every route, I was vaguely familiar with this game and how secretly messed up it was but I didn't know the details of each route, which are all amusingly insane. I don't know who had the idea to make a human/pigeon dating sim with apocalypse horror, espionage, ghosts, and fallen angels but hats off to them for pure creativity.

- Mage and Demon Queen (Webcomic) - Saving my thoughts until I complete it but this webcomic is very very cute and there should be more lesbian dragons in everything actually.

- Delicious in Dungeon (Anime) - Also saving my thoughts but have been really liking the worldbuilding and comedy here - Excited to see more of Falin and her personality beyond being Dragon food.

- The S Classes That I Raised (Webcomic) - Had a 10 hour recap video of this playing in the background while I worked that re-ignited my love for it. I'm still regularly checking for updates of course but I might just reread the whole thing as well - the familial love and comedy here really get to me.

- One Piece (Anime) - Still my biggest obsession, we are moving at a breakneck pace. Finishes Dressrosa and Zou and on to Whole Cake. Quick thoughts: Law and DoFlaming both have great designs, backstories, and dynamics with the other characters, I really like them and see why they are fan favorites. Sabo is back and I love him dearly, I really hope he pops up more often. Nami's Zou dress is lovely and it's hilarious how girl manages to pull a woman on every island they visit, Girls game is off the charts. Might make a powerpoint about how good the worldbuilding is in One Piece.

- Genshin Impact (Video Game) - Really like the Sumeru characters and their designs for the most part, though I do wish they were all less white. Anyway Yao Yao is adorable and I've been having fun with her on my Aggravate team.

Listening To: Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas, Hey I Don't Work Here by Tom Cardy, Crazy by Walk Off The Earth, How Did You Love by Shinedown, Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan, Feast or Famine from Starkid Productions, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, Turn the Lights Off by Tally Hall, No One Else Is Singing My Song from Crazy Ex Girlfriend, The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives, Runaway by AURORA

[annawayne]

2, 3, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 15, 16, 18, 20, 21, 23, 26, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34

Sry its a lot, I really love ur fics❤️

Oh my, it's okay, don't apologize! I'm just speechless that you want so many insights and so, so grateful for your interest, but I'm ready to give it all! Thank you so, so much!

2. How do you come up with your plot ideas?

It won't be a lie if I say they…just appear. The same works with my drawings - I never plan anything, I may just take a walk - and BOOM, the idea is born! The same works with the fics - ideas just keep swirling in my mind, until I get tired of them, catch them, and transform them into a fic :D For example, for MYLYSW the whole plot was born like, "Hm, okay, I see this scene, this scene, this, also this topic and this…let's write an outline not to forget anything!". It took me around 30 minutes to write down all the events I want to explore. It was basically a one-shot. Now, it's 7 chapters, and maybe 8 (because I may divide one into two). So, honestly… I feel like I could disappoint with this answer (because I don't have any cool method or insights to give advice on how to generate ideas), but all the ideas just popped up out of nowhere…

3. Are there any specific themes you enjoy exploring in your fics?

Yes, definitely. I guess, one of the most appearing themes in my stories is not to lose yourself in this life, or rather how to find yourself under all these circumstances, traumas etc. It's always a battle against your inner demons and how to handle them, or, maybe, how to lose against them. In any fic I wrote, it's always about a human in this drastic stream of life - in BMSS, it's a Lost Generation, the people who went through the horrors of WW1, in Neverland of (our) desires - it's about just two people who seek temporary salvation amongst the Apocalypse, even in Golden hour of our forevor, that is definitely one of the BRIGHTEST and CALMEST fic in my list- it's about how not to lose your love, yourself amongst the tight schedule and work. Oh, in MYLYSW…it's a very, very, very emotional thing, but it's how not to lose yourself after the tragedy, how not keep your love when some things that will be revealed later is between you, how…how to find the faith in the world and in yourself as well. It may be one of the most difficult stories I would ever write, even BMSS seems to me not so complex as this one, to be honest.

6. Do you prefer writing shorter, standalone fics or longer, multi-chapter stories?

I think, multi-chapters. They give me more places of exploration, and I don't know how to stop myself sometimes, so for me, it works better in long stories. Sometimes, of course, a one-shot is a perfect option, but some ideas don't really demand exploring them, it's enough for one, solid one-shot.

8. Do you have any rituals or habits that help you get into the zone?

Music. I usually have a playlist on loop or some song on repeat to give me the right mood. Well...and sometimes, I need a glass of wine to get into the mood :D Oh, well...it's not the ritual, but when I write I usually do some gestures with my hands as if...if I don't know, try to feel the words, the sentences? I just wave them smoothly like a conductor, when I formulate a sentence or reread it :D

9. Have you ever collaborated with someone else on a fic?

No, but I'm willing to do it!

10. What's your favorite part about the fic writing process?

O-o-o-h, I ADORE all this psychological mess that is across my text. Jumping words, formatting, sounds, I have so much fun to do it, and, to be honest, I love how chaotic looks my text!

11. Are there any tropes that you particularly enjoy writing?

I answered the similar question here :)

13. What's the most challenging aspect of writing fanfiction for you?

Hahaha-ha-ha-h... English. Well, partially? I'm not a native speaker and everything you see it's just my self-taught result, so sometimes I couldn't find the right word because in my native language, Ukrainian, it exists, and in English - no! So I try to break my mind sometimes...

15. Do you plan your fics or prefer to let the story unfold as you write?

Always planning. Since I love to play with themes, parallels, even titles (just peek at BMSS, and you already have some pattern that is important for the story :), it's essential to me to know the direction. I feel lost without proper map :D

16. How important is it to you to stay true to the original creator's vision while writing fanfiction?

It's VERY important to me. I love these characters not just because, but for what they are in canon. Explore them in Post-canon, in AU - is another interesting challenge to me, how to continue or adapt their traits into my story.

18. Are there any fics or authors that have been particularly influential or inspiring to you?

Oh, yes, yes. @distortedclouds, @moonspirit, @mimiwrites2000, honeyriot, Decoii, @dude-why-3, @annieleonhardt, niwakaame - I won't lie if I say I started writing because of their works in general (or was inspired for some particular stories in the process). As for the authors that also have an enormous influecen on me, all of them are my fav writers - Thomas Mann, Ivan Bahrianyi, Mykhailo Kotsiubynsky, Hanya Yanagihara, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, Emily Brontë, Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald, John Steinbeck, Marcel Proust.

20. How do you approach action sequences or intense moments?

30. How do you handle writing multiple storylines or subplots?

31. Do you prefer writing from a single character's perspective or switching between different viewpoints?

These ones you can find here :)

21. Have you ever used fanfiction as a way to explore your own emotions or personal experiences?

I guess, it's the only reason why I write in the first place :DDDDD

Everything you read - it's me and my attempts to live through some difficult emotions, times, feelings. In every word, it's me who hides behind them. Some metaphors are the result of my personal experience, some topics - what is eating me up. Every fic of mine is like a confession.

23. How do you write endings for your fics? Do you prefer open-ended or conclusive conclusions?

It depends on the story, but what I definitely like - it's when the ending is hitting you right in the heart. In a good way, in a bad - doesn't matter. It hits you, and you couldn't breathe for some minutes. I love this type of endings, open or conclusive - it's a matter of the story in general.

26. How do you approach plot twists or surprises in your fics?

Hm...to be honest... I don't know. For me, as an author, everything seems obvious, so I don't even really know how to answer this. But, well, if we talk about MYLYSW - the twists with memory-nightmare-memory was a non-linear narration and to make the reader think a few times "Oh SO IT IS LIKE THIS", only then to break this belief with another plot-twist. I hope, other twists would be also pleasant :3

33. How do you incorporate world-building elements into your fics?

29. Are there any characters, relationships, or general character dynamics you've never written about but would like to try?

I didn't really write (YET) the interactions between children, but I could tell you that in BMSS in future chapters there's this type of relationship, and oh man, I'm afraid :D But we would see what is going to be.

The same as I work with emotions - meticulous details. Starting from smells and clothes, and ending the authentic street names at that time or the popular food. And I wouldn't be humble here, but BMSS is literally a museum of 1920's Western Ukraine. Every single detail in this is researched, some of the place - even visited, a lot of photo-references, all my history books of this time - everything in work.

34. Are there any fic writing tips or tricks you've learned along the way that you'd like to share?

I would really, really love to share something, but the thing is I don't have any. But, maybe, what I truly think is a good advice - is to outline some things and to keep it in front of the eyes.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[your--isgayrights]

not sure if this is what you had in mind but i was thinking maybe kdj and hsy meeting briefly earlier in life (at 20/22 years old or sth)? maybe having a misunderstanding or an argument over something trivial (like interpretation of a book or who should take the last lemon flavored popsicle in the store) and somehow still managing to reach some recognition or understanding of each other. years later they would forget about each other but still remember that bizarre situation sometimes. i have no idea if that makes any sense but i believe in your writing and massive brain and powerful swag. xoxo

Aaaaah, Exe I'm sorry if this isn't exactly what you asked for... I was just like... what if that time Han Sooyoung and Kim Dokja almost met in the epilogue went a little differently and like... haha...

The first part is basically copied and pasted from that chapter before the twist, so go read that first if you haven't!

Han Su-Yeong staggered and walked closer to Kim Dok-Ja. Several passersby brushing past her looked back in suspicion.

Kim Dok-Ja was now walking down the subway’s steps.

Kim Dok-Ja, with earphones stuck in his ears and reading something on his phone while walking downstairs.

She knew what he was currently reading.

“—!!”

She barely managed to shout, but her voice still didn’t come out. So, she desperately chased after him.

Because of the story you wrote, author-nim, I was able to survive until now. Han Su-Yeong was also able to survive while reading the sole reader’s words.

She managed to write the next part of Yu Jung-Hyeok’s life through them.

She was able to endure her boring and stuffy teen years, the days she never wanted to go back to, thanks to those words.

This train is bound for… She spotted Kim Dok-Ja standing on the platform, waiting for the next train to arrive. A person hiding within the small world crafted out of letters to protect himself was standing right there.

Kim Dok-Ja, who didn’t know anything about the apocalypse about to happen.

Kim Dok-Ja, who’d get to live on the expansive world of the ‘Ways of Survival’.

Kim Dok-Ja, who’d get to meet the protagonist he so longed to become.

Kim Dok-Ja, who’d become the ‘Demon King of Salvation’.

Kim Dok-Ja, who’d sacrifice himself multiple times for the sake of his companions, and as a result, came to the 1863rd turn and met her.

Kim Dok-Ja, who was destined to become the ‘Most Ancient Dream’, the price he paid for loving a certain story too much.

[Your mental state is crumbling!]

[The main body’s ego is regaining its control.]

[Your Fable is being extinguished.]

Her legs grew heavy, and her arms didn’t want to move anymore. Her body was gradually becoming not hers.

Even then, Han Su-Yeong wanted to tell him.

⸢To tell him that he was definitely not at fault for this story being born. And to tell him that the things he was about to experience were not his sins.⸥

Because, her past 13 years existed solely to say those words to him.

⸢To say that, though you have grown up while reading this story, there’s no need for you to become it.⸥

She barely managed to muster up her strength, her arm coiling in on itself and preparing for her one last willful action.

[Your ego will convert into the ‘subconsciousness’.]

As she set her weak, pre-scenario body into that final decisive movement...

The twenty six year old Han Su-yeong who knew nothing of the soon to come apocalypse, woke up thrusting her fist forward into the face of some guy on the subway.

She would've thought she was still dreaming, if it hadn't been for the feeling of his soft cheek slamming against the hard bone of his teeth under the force of her balled up hand.

'What the hell? Why am I doing this?'

Han Su-yeong most likely would have asked herself these things if she had any more time to think before her punch had landed.

She got her answer, though. Despite never asking her question, that reason she was looking for became clear as the man staggered off his balance.

He made a futile attempt to right himself before being knocked to the ground. The phone that he had been holding so close to his face clattering screen-side up onto the concrete of the subway floor.

That was when she saw it.

She only had to read a snippet of the words on that phone screen to come up with an explanation for her own actions at that very moment.

[There are three ways to survive in a ruined world. Now, I have forgotten a few, but one thing is certain. The fact that you who are reading this now will survive.

-Three ways to survive in a ruined world

Author’s words: Thank you so much for reading ‘Ways of Survival’ up to here. I will come back to you with an epilogue!]

'Ways of Survival.' 'Three ways to survive in a ruined world.'

...

Yes, there was no doubt that this guy sat on the subway floor rubbing at his cheek deserved it.

Some latent evil of the world must be working to Han Su-yeong's advantage, because none of the commuter passing by spared her a second glance as she sorted out her own motives. They simply dodged around her and the man she had assaulted moments ago.

If Han Su-yeong had to write some train of thought into their actions, she might imagine these negligent bystanders saw something like an overly dramatic lover's spat. Something personal that they ought not get involved in.

Were it not for the pervasiveness of such a cliche recurrent in physical altercations between men and women, maybe they would see it for what it was. A question of honor between authors.

Because Han Su-yeong was certain that was who this man was. An author who was so shitty that he had created an alt to try and hype up his terrible novel.

That was right... It was years ago now, but Han Su-yeong remembered that unsubstantiated accusation of plagiarism on her first published webnovel, SSSSS-grade Infinite Regressor.

This shitty guy had made an alt account that was so obvious... it was something 'Dok-ja,' like he wasn't even trying to pretend he didn't make it just to pretend to 'read' his own webnovel...

If that didn't prove it, then it was also clear from the comments that he had left on every single chapter. When she was reading them, Han Su-yeong had known that if she were such a bad author that she would have to have just one reader, the words that he wrote represented that perfect amount of reader to author engagement that she would have desired.

But that sort of relationship... it was unrealistic. Han Su-yeong had been an author for something like 13 years now, and she had never had such a relationship in her entire career.

So it was obvious that a reader like that could only be written by an author with those same desires that she held.

And then he even had the nerve to wander out of his self contained fantasy, accusing her superior work of plagiarizing his shitty one just to draw in more views and commenters.

So of course he had a lot of nerve to be rereading his own damn author's note right where she could see hi-

"Can I help you?"

Han Su-yeong felt all of the hot air she had been blowing herself up with to justify her current situation deflate upon hearing that voice of his.

The man she'd injured looked up at her with hollow black eyes. Eyes that perhaps had only seemed bright while being illuminated by a screen.

His voice was mild, too. As if getting punched in the face were something that was merely tiresome to him, instead of something to stir anger or indignity. The reactions that Han Su-yeong had been mentally preparing herself to butt heads with.

Nothing about his reaction seemed to ask Han Su-yeong for her motives. There was no race to find an explanation behind those hollow eyes. No bit lip, straining to come up with a turn of phrase to become an appropriately biting retort.

This guy wasn't an author.

...

Hey...

Why had she punched this guy again?

"Sorry." Han Su-yeong found herself saying, as her body deflated, extended arm going back to her side. "From the behind, you looked like my shitty ex."

She let herself fall into the cliche.

"Ah. I see."

Han Su-yeong hated the guy's expression, just then.

It was one that said, 'Well isn't that just my luck?'

But she couldn't help but watch, as this unlucky guy stood up and picked up his phone, brushing it off instead of himself, as if it were more precious to him than his own body.

And when that Dok-ja turned around, Han Su-yeong only saw his back for a second, before the sight of him was once more swallowed up by the uncaring world of the subway station crowd.

[sugar-grigri]

2. Protest: between the author's cynicism and the antagonist's emergence

Fujimoto once again tests you as a reader

Why? Because this chapter requires you to pay as much attention to the foreground as to the background

Yes, hello headache, but now I need you to follow me…….

First of all, I see it as cynicism. The only thing that would make me laugh is if I thought Fujimoto was teasing us.

How and why? Because the church in Chainsaw Man is us. Victims of CSM (who belong to the work), and young people, students who don't always have the right to vote, who come out of curiosity (the fans) fighting bloody battles against the communities.

Come on, Fujimoto follows the networks

Like his OS, but especially Just listen to the song, it's about the relationship between a work, its author and its audience.

I think Fujimoto relishes the debates and arguments on Twitter and other networks.

Fujimoto follows them as much as he suffers them, acclaimed by critics and his own, adored by his fans, he is also the target of threats and hatred.

Whether it's from those who hate his work or those who adore it but can't forgive him for making them suffer.

Fujimoto is as much a figure of protest as Chainsaw Man.

And he's there in the shadows like Denji

But it's not just a wink, and then we get more serious

The protest in the background is just as important as the foreground

Denji and Yoshida are shown as much as the crowd, with the cut-out swapping places between background and foreground. As if Fujimoto were placing them in the same position of importance.

Why ?

First of all, this chapter proves that NO, Yoshida is not up to the task of being the antagonist

who could be the antagonist then?

Where ? Who ? We're a bit confused... well yeah, it was easy to understand that Makima was the antagonist

Not only do we kind of forget that it wasn't that easy to know she was the antagonist, the revelation that she was a demon came very, very late, as did what she was really capable of doing

In CSM the real antagonist is present from the start, and then appears more clearly

Fujimoto likes to use this process to make his work chilling, to encourage you to reread while seeing the chapters take shape under a different light.

SO WHO'S THE ANTAGONIST?

Chainsaw man himself or, (confirming my theory again), Fake! ChainsawMan

To put it simply, since part 2, Fujimoto has shown that Chainsaw Man is controversial, both adored and feared.

This fear would naturally give rise to a Fake!Chainsaw Man demon, whose aim would be to increase its power by maximizing people's fear of Chainsaw Man.

Now let's take a step back. Nostradamus' prophecy is about to come true. Fami's goal is to prevent this apocalypse (for pizza). But this prophecy, as Yoshida knew about it and got in touch with Fami, shows that public safety is aware of the danger.

So why do we want Chainsaw Man to disappear? Would Public Security abandon humanity? Hardly imaginable.

I've given it some thought, and here's the plan as I imagine it.

An alliance has been formed between Fami and Public Security, to take control of Chainsaw Man. Not an absolute alliance, I imagine, but the two groups have common interests.

Both groups need a champion to face this apocalypse.

The fact is, Chainsaw Man is getting weaker.

Turning a demon into a hero who is close to humans means that part of the population no longer fears him, so his power falls proportionally.

Chainsaw Man can't face the apocalypse now.

The solution is to separate Chainsaw and Man. Literally.

When Yoshida invites Denji to live quietly, it's so that he can literally retire.

To make way for whom? Bingo. Fake!CSM

So why do they want CSM to disappear? Why so much emphasis on Haruka and the worship of Chainsaw Man's church?

Nothing creates greater fear than giving people a hero and then suddenly taking him away. We're back to another of CSM's key themes: necessary evil.

If, overnight, CSM no longer appeared to fight the demons, then the world would be in disarray. And fear would increase... giving power to the secretly chosen champion.

A champion... who only appears before dawn. At the very last moment.

The existence of Chainsaw Man leads to clashes, increased tensions and dissent.

His disappearance, meanwhile, will lead to a consensus: the despair of a humanity with no so-called protection.

Nostradamus' prophecy is not simply a prophecy announcing the apocalypse, but a plan that has been in front of us all along.

To be saved, humanity must descend into chaos.

If you want to better understand my theory about Fake!CSM :

[yellowocaballero]

Prequel to ‘The Crow’s Funeral’: How Agnes + Gerry met, then proceeded to set Jon on fire.

Exactly what it says on the tin. This exists because I was rereading TCF and went “hey did I ever figure out how Agnes and Gerry met”. I didn’t, so this is it. Rest under the cut. No specific warnings except for the fact that, shockingly enough, Jon had gone through a lot of character development prior to the start of TCF and was actually a complete asshole for a year or two. 

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot.

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid.

Agnes was back. 

Gerry didn’t know how she had found him. His hiding place was pretty well hidden, thank-you-very-much. Adults were always trying to barricade themselves in houses - stupid, when the nightshades could drift through shit - and kids were always trying to hide in closets or attics. But Gerry was the perfect mix of adult and child - or, as they’re known, teenagers - and he had way too much experience stripping houses down for the possessions of the recently deceased. 

So Gerry knew about crawl spaces. Like in the Magician’s Nephew, some older row houses had little secret tunnels between each house. You couldn’t quite get into each house normally, but there were always gaps and weak points and hatches. Even better, at the very top there was a hidden attic where the generator and power box lived. It was small, and there were definitely some gross animal corpses that Gerry could have sworn moved, but it was mostly safe. So much as anything was safe. 

But, somehow, Agnes had found him. Gerry didn’t know what she was doing exploring row houses for fun, but judging from the scent of smoke that’s been in the air lately he didn’t want to know. 

The sharp rapping echoed through the small attic, directly under the hatch with a huge heavy space heater dumped on it. Gerry had other means of entry, and Agnes thought that was the only door. Please! As if Gerry would live somewhere with only one escape exit. That was just asking to get stuck in a nightmare for a month. 

But, then again, maybe Agnes had never had to worry about that. 

“I brought food!” The high, clear voice called out - slightly muffled from the ceiling/floor, but unmistakable. “It’s Twinkies! Come down to eat it!”

“No way!” Gerry called down back. “I bet you put offal in it!”

“What does offal mean!”

“It’s, like, organs! Go away, lady!”

“I told you!” Agnes called back, weirdly delighted. “My name’s Agnes! I’m a Princess!”

“Princess of what, being lame!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you, Princess Agnes!”

“Fuck me yourself!”

Ugh! She was so annoying! This was her fourth fucking time coming by here, and ever since she had realized that he was just a teenage boy she had been leaving food in front of the attic door. It was always weird food, too. Didn’t she know what humans ate?

Stupidly on cue, Gerry’s stomach rumbled. Ugh. 

“Go away,” Gerry called back, eager for her to just leave already so he could eat the shitty food she had undoubtedly left. “I don’t feel like getting turned into a candle today!”

For some reason, she didn’t reply to that. Gerry wondered if she was trying to fool him into thinking she was leaving, but joke’s on her - Gerry could hear footsteps all the way through the house. He waited with bated breath for a minute, two minutes, slowly growing confused why she wasn’t either yelling at him or leaving. 

He’d never tell her, but he kind of enjoyed fighting with her. 

Finally, she called out, with an emotion in her voice that he had never heard from her before, “Is that why you won’t come out? You think I’d turn you into a candle?”

Gerry was flabbergasted. “Yes?” he called back. “You turn everyone into candles.”

“...it’s not just because you don’t like me?”

Aw, man. Gerry abruptly felt a little bad for the flame monster cult leader lady. She couldn’t be any older than him. “You’re really nice,” Gerry called back, feeling like an idiot. “I just didn’t make it this far by not being careful! Thanks for the food, though!”

A longer silence this time. For some reason, Gerry felt a weird kind of anxious. Not the normal level of ‘aaah im gonna get eaten’ anxious. But something different. He couldn’t describe it. 

Finally, Agnes called back, “Do you want me to stop bothering you? I’m sorry if I’ve been harassing you. I’m not good at - at all of this.”

Gerry sat in his own silence, sitting cross-legged in front of the space heater on top of the hatch. His baggy jeans clung to his legs, slightly sweaty and definitely unwashed, and his raggedy thin black jacket was also a little sweaty. His hair was plastered to his head, limp and dirty. Wherever Agnes went, heat followed. 

People who made dumb decisions didn’t live very long. Gerry had lived for quite a while - well, he was fifteen, but he had made it all year without getting eaten, which was really quite impressive. 

And he had made it alone. When he woke up in this green and terrifying world, Mum hadn’t been there. He had looked for her for months. He had almost been ripped to shreds in Pinhole Books. She wasn’t in any of their usual London hideaways, either. Maybe she was outside of London, somewhere far away…

In all of Gerry’s books, he’d pack up his backpack and set out to look for Mum. He wouldn’t stop until he found her. Then he’d find out that she’d been embroiled in some plot to stop all of this, and he’d help her, and she’d hug him…

But it wasn’t a book. No matter how strange this new world was, fiction couldn’t begin to match. And Gerry didn’t really miss his Mum. Not really. He missed the fact that he was alone. He missed the fact that she was powerful and smart and talented, and definitely would have been able to protect the both of them. Gerry had to protect himself now, and he missed that safety more than he ever missed Mum. 

Gerry wondered if Agnes was lonely. How could she, with a whole cult?

It was a stupid decision. But Gerry had always trusted too easy, anyway. 

He stood up and pushed the space heater with a thick, screeching grinding sound that scraped uncomfortably along the wood. With a final heave, he pushed it off the hatch, and reluctantly bent down to lift the hatch and unfold the ladder. 

“If you turn me into a candle I’m giving you an allergy attack,” Gerry called down, and the girl known as Agnes Montague smiled up at him brilliantly. 

***

That wasn’t how Agnes and Gerry started. But it had been, maybe, how they got going. 

Agnes, Gerry found out very quickly, was a hot-tempered girl. Save the jokes. She was always dressed like a sixties hippie, and her long red hair was always somehow glistening and clean. She let Gerry touch it, very carefully, and - yep, even the hair was wax. What a weird person. 

After a bit of frantic introductions and suspicious squinting from both sides, Gerry and Agnes had eventually sat down cross-legged from each other as Gerry stuffed Twinkies in his mouth and she eyed them warily. She had eyed them with a bit of trepidation, but Gerry’s obvious joy at eating them must have made her curious. That was one thing Agnes was: curious. Almost to death. 

“You really live up here? And you’ve never gotten trapped by a nightmare?”

Gerry shrugged uncomfortably, sucking at his fingers. “Yep. I run around town a lot too, cuz I get bored otherwise. It’s easy to evade all of that shit if you know how.”

“Wow.” It was probably her being a fire person or whatever, but Agnes’ eyes seemed to sparkle a little bit. “My cult members barely even let me outside by myself, and I can set shit on fire. You’re really weird for a human.”

Gerry couldn’t help but puff out his chest a little, even if he would have preferred her to use any other word than ‘weird’. “That’s what happens when your Mum trains you since birth to be a demon hunter.” He faltered a little. “I’m not sure if she knew this would happen, but I wouldn’t put it past her.”

“Your mum knew?” Agnes gasped. “I thought nobody knew about the Entities before the apocalypse!”

“Your cult members must have known, right?” Gerry pointed out, and Agnes nodded in concession of the point. “Yeah, there were always a few of us. Not a lot, though. Tight-knit community, everyone knew each other. Hobbyists, you know. It sucked. Most of the people who got involved in the supernatural were jerks.” Actually, now that Gerry thought about it… “That crazy apocalypse prepper Salasea must be coming out like a bandit right now.”

Agnes nodded sagely, as if she knew who Salasea was. Maybe she did? Gerry had always gotten the impression that if all of the demon hunters knew each other, then maybe all of the demons did too. Eventually word about Mum had really started to get around. 

“You’re the first interesting human I’ve met,” Agnes said thoughtfully. “Most of them just - like, scream, you know? Or pretend I’m not there. Like if they don’t acknowledge me then I can’t hurt them. And, like, that’s the way it works for a lot of these things! But I’m a person too, you know?”

“You really aren’t.”

“I have feelings,” Agnes said firmly. “But maybe the reason why you’re still safe isn’t because you’re a super cool human hunter, Gerry.”

“It has to be a part of it,” Gerry said aggressively, eager to assert his masculinity and how cool he was.

“Of course,” Agnes allowed, making Gerry huff. “But I think it’s because you aren’t scared. You were wondering how I found you, right?” Gerry nodded slowly. He had been wondering how Agnes had caught on that he was living here. “It was because I felt a person - I can always feel body heat - but I didn’t taste any fear. I was setting some row houses on fire just to feel something, and you weren’t feeling anything either!” She set her expression firmly, almost bravely. “I think we’re the same.”

“A goth human teenager living in an attic and a flame princess of the fire cult?” Gerry asked skeptically. They couldn’t be less similar. Gerry lived each day in - well, as Agnes pointed out, not fear, but he was constantly just trying to survive. It was all he had ever known, but he knew that others didn’t live like that. He had known when he was a kid - that other kids were normal, were happy - and he knew it now. That a small handful of people in this world were having a blast, and that everyone else suffered. “We’re nothing alike.”

But Agnes faltered, just a bit, and Gerry just a little bit of that loneliness in her expression again. “You’re the only other kid who’s had a conversation with me.” She paused a beat. “Besides, like, Callum, but he’s a baby.”

Maybe, in a schoolyard or a town or a world, Gerry and Agnes weren’t so similar. Maybe they’d have nothing in common. But maybe, in this world that was both so isolated and so unified, they could be a little similar after all. 

“I’ll allow it,” Gerry said graciously. He wanted to shake her hand, but he deeply knew that it was a bad idea. Instead, he broke his Twinkie in half, and held out the other one to her. “Friends?”

Agnes eyed the Twinkie warily. “Do you become friends by asking to be friends with someone?”

“I dunno, I don’t have any friends.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

But she took the Twinkie. It was a start. 

****

Of course, Gerry and Agnes were far more alike than they had first thought. Mostly in the fact that their evil mothers had killed their fathers (which Gerry had the sneaking suspicion wasn’t a universal experience) and that the both of them were actually kind of literally protagonists of a YA book.

Well, Gerry had always been the protagonist of his own life. But he would write a story about Agnes too: about the spoiled princess who rejected her destiny. Who had a really cool previous life where she was all dramatic and sad and stuff, who died tragically only to be reborn as a magical teenage girl. Seriously, it was right out of a Sarah J Maas novel. 

  Maybe they latched onto each other too quickly, but it was the kind of latching on when you made friends with another kid at the orientation to summer camp and then religiously stuck to the kid once the actual camp started until you got another friend. Maybe. Gerry's never been to summer camp, how was he supposed to know. 

But Agnes was sharply quick, surprisingly kind, and fiercely protective. Gerry had never met somebody who cared as much as her. It was really weird. He supposed that people like her, the powerful and destructive, had the privilege to care. 

Agnes snuck over more and more often, and sometimes Gerry went to go visit her. Eventually they started roaming the streets together, loitering in businesses and committing general acts of tomfoolery. Gerry was an old hat at tomfoolery - he had only been vaguely supervised most of his life - but Agnes encroached every second of minor rule breaking with cautious glee. 

Not that there really were rules anymore. Even if you were the kind of juvenile delinquent that got adults yelling at you and caused minor or major property damage, it wasn’t as if the cops were going to come and take you away. Either you got away with it, or you were eaten for a while. This was very natural to Gerry, and after a little bit of convincing it came easily to Agnes too. Maybe they really were well-suited for each other after all. 

If Gerry’s Mum could see him now, she would call him ‘dreadful’ and ‘ill-mannered’ and ‘badly behaved’. But...she wasn’t there, so she could hardly complain. Served her right.

Months - maybe - later, Gerry and Agnes were hanging out in Gerry’s crawlspace again after a long day terrorizing demons and old men alike. They were splitting a blood orange - literally - and letting the sticky juice (juice?) run down their hands, laughing as Agnes imitated the look of shock on the old man’s face. Sitting down on the floor, flavor bursting sweet on his tongue, as Agnes teased him for dropping peels everywhere...Gerry was almost happy. 

Rookie mistake. 

Agnes sensed it first, stiffening slightly as her body pulsed slightly warmer. Gerry scooted a little further away from her carefully as she turned to look at the thin plaster wall, brow furrowing. 

“Is it a nightmare?” Gerry whispered. “Or a person?”

“Neither,” Agnes whispered back. “It’s…”

Then Gerry heard it too: the clack of nails on hardwood, and a sound so terrifying it made his gut tie itself into knots. It was a growl, bestial and wet. Something was snarling outside.

Gerry stopped breathing, sitting absolutely still. The sounds of sniffing and snarling were loud and distinct, and he couldn’t help but stare at the sticky, juicy, smelly orange in his hands. Agnes was also still, far more completely than Gerry ever could be, carefully listening. 

He wanted to whisper to Agnes, make a game plan, but the monster would hear them. Part of Gerry wanted to tremble in fear, but that wasn’t useful. He forced himself to calm down as best as he could while keeping his breaths minimal. Remember Dune. Fear was the mind killer. Fear is the little death. 

But then Agnes smiled at him faintly, making a gentle gesture with her hand. Agnes was a literal fire messiah. She could take almost any monster. Gerry had never seen her afraid of anything, just contemptuous or annoyed. Having her there with him was more reassuring than any book quote, and Gerry exhaled softly as he smiled back at her. Agnes was going to torch that monster, and it would be super cool, and they’d high five, and -

“Daisy? What are you looking for?”

Agnes’s expression stretched into terror. She mouthed ‘fuck!’, and slapped a hand over her mouth. She didn’t breathe, and her chest never rose and fell, but she abruptly started trembling.

For the first time, Gerry reached out to reassure her. But her body heat had abruptly tripled, and Gerry was forced to pull back. In the small, unventilated space, it quickly became overwhelmingly hot. 

“Shut it off!” Gerry hissed, as quietly as he physically could. “They’ll feel it -”

“That is the most dangerous monster in the world,” Agnes whispered, and Gerry fell silent. “Don’t move.”

For the first time in a very long time, in an apocalyptic world built on terror and fear, Gerry felt afraid. 

A faint yipping echoed through the space, almost like a dog. It could never be mistaken for a dog. 

“Well, yes, there’s people everywhere. Other places have more people, even. Why can’t we just go there?” Another bark, a low bass cut. “Oh, if it’s a Hunt, then it’s alright.”

The heat was growing oppressive, and Gerry frantically motioned for Agnes to cut it out. He was withholding his own ragged breathing, and abruptly Gerry felt as if he couldn’t breathe. It was just making him more scared, the sweat trickling down his neck -

There was another yip, so close it might as well be made in his ear. It clearly came from directly in front of him. 

Gerry couldn’t help it - he screamed, overwhelmed with fire and heat and fear and the wolf at their door. 

The wall exploded.

Dust and insulation burst outwards in a fine white cloud, and Gerry and Agnes were abruptly coughing intensely and the wall cracked, folded, and collapsed inwards. Gerry was showered with fragments of wood and plaster, stifling another scream, and screwed his eyes shut against the sudden influx of light. 

He cracked them open as quickly as he could, unwilling to meet whatever was in front of him with his eyes closed. Instantly, overwhelmingly, Gerry was brought face to snout with a giant wolf.

Gerry firmly believed that people weren’t meant to see apex predators up close. Nobody should be able to touch a bear, was Gerry’s opinion. What was an anaconda? Gerry was on the opposite side of the room. He wasn’t afraid, but he hadn’t made it to the ripe old age of fifteen without being highly cautious. 

It wasn’t right, staring this wolf in the face. Every inch of it stood out to him: the slobber, the snarl, the canines almost as long as his hand. It was silvery white, with a thick ruff and coat, and Gerry watched in awe as the wolf snarled and - 

And stopped snarling. It started looking at him curiously instead, bushy tail sweeping gently side to side. 

The immediate problem almost solved, Gerry was able to take in the figure behind the wolf. 

He was a guy. Unfairly tall, Black with curly hair drawn tight into a ponytail. Sharp features, undercut by unnaturally green eyes. He was in a suit that looked like he had put it on three months ago and had never changed. He was...wearing a trenchcoat? He was just a guy!

“A human!” The man - monster? Guy? Nightmare? Avatar? - cried. “Oh, good job, Daisy! You’re a fantastic investigator.” The wolf - Daisy was a stupid name for a wolf - barked lowly. “Yes, it is like an oven in here, isn’t it?”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. He was still cowering on his ass, covered in dust and plaster. This guy was Agnes’ monster? Maybe she had mistaken him for someone else. “Who -”

“He’s even talking!” The man exclaimed, as if he was a dancing monkey. “They never talk to me voluntarily, you know.” Daisy barked again. “I think it’s cute! Kids are so repetitive, but this one smells great. Good job, Daisy.” 

Before Gerry could protest the man stepped forward and looked down at him, and a sick realization trickled through him. 

The man had nothing behind his eyes. Bright green, sick and churning, radioactive and poisonous. His expression was absent and vaguely curious, like a child watching an ant crawl through its anthill. Slowly, intensely, the man’s placid expression broke into a sharp and demented smile. 

It wasn’t the smile of a human staring at a tasty sandwich. It wasn’t even the smile of a monster drawing a human into a nightmare. It was the smile of a child holding the magnifying glass to the ant: triumphant, because now the child got to see what happens when an ant blackened to a crisp. Elated, because they were the child, and not the ant. Victorious, because they could only remember the distinction in the act of causing harm. 

“Statement of -”

“Leave him alone!”

The monster exploded into flames. 

Agnes leapt from her position in the crawlspace, slightly tucked away out of sight, and shoved at the wolf hard. The wolf yowled, her handprints blackening its fur, and it retreated snarling. 

It was not the first time Gerry had seen someone set on fire. It happened a lot, when you hung out with Agnes. But the man burned, in bright and beautiful red-hot flames, crackling and searing the skin and air and sky. His mouth was open in a silent scream. 

Something green shone from within the flames. 

Then the flames were gone. It was as if he had never been set on fire at all. At most he smelled vaguely of burning flesh, and his hair had broken free of its ponytail to settle in fuzzy waves. 

The monster looked mildly peeved. 

Agnes grabbed Gerry, leaving red-hot scorch marks on his hoodie, and yanked him behind her. Gerry was not embarrassed to say that he absolutely hid behind Agnes as she put herself between him and the monster and his wolf. The wolf who was now snarling deeply at them, and the slightly irritated monster who shook ash off his unharmed trench coat. 

“I don’t care if you called dibs on him,” the monster bitched. “You don’t get to stop me in the middle of a - oh, Agnes!” The monster’s expression brightened as he snapped his fingers. “Agnes Montague, right? Your cult introduced me to you at - what was it -”

“Annabelle’s annual party five months ago,” Agnes said flatly. Her wax hair was still burning at the ends, and although Gerry couldn’t see her expression he knew it had to be fierce. “Nice to see you again, Jon. Now stay away from him.” 

“If you called dibs then you shouldn’t have let me try to eat him,” Jon - which was the dumbest name for an evil monster - complained. He smelled his arm, grimacing. “Setting me on fire’s downright rude, Agnes. Didn’t Jude teach you any manners?”

“Go away!” Agnes yelled. Gerry realized quietly that she was still shaking. “He’s not yours! He’s the one thing you aren’t allowed to hurt!”

Jon frowned at her. Gerry could practically see it: Did_not_compute.exe. It simply didn’t make sense: that there was something in the world that he wasn’t allowed to hurt. That there was something in the world that was not his. 

Before Jon could speak again, his wolf barked harshly at him. She kept barking, completely indecipherably, as Jon’s expression screwed up in uncomprehension. “What does it matter if they’re children.” The wolf barked. “I mean, I don’t actually care if we piss off the Desolation or not.” Bark, bark. “Why are you always guilt tripping me!” Bark, bark, bark, bark. Eventually Jon’s expression turned somewhat abashed, and then downright embarrassed. 

“Right, right.” He turned back to Agnes and Gerry, a little sulky. “Sorry for trying to eat your human, Agnes. In my defense, he was quite -” The dog yipped. “ - innocent, and I’m sure he’s very fun. Great. Well, this was a waste of time. Call me if you get tired of him, Agnes.” 

Jon turned to go, and Gerry could not see his back soon enough. The heat had died as Agnes calmed down, her arms crossed over her chest and scowling fiercely. 

“Apologize to him!”

Jon froze, halfway across the room. Gerry quietly wanted to die. 

The monster slowly turned on his heel, looking at Agnes with a faintly flabbergasted expression. “You can’t be serious -” The wolf barked again. Gerry had the impression that the wolf was in charge of him. “Stop ganging up on me -” Bark. “I don’t know how to talk to humans, don’t make me!” A very firm bark. 

“Do it,” Agnes said firmly. “Or I’ll set you on fire again.”

Unbelievably, the monster groaned. He turned to Gerry, fluorescent eye twitching. “Alright, alright! Listen, uh - kiddo? Kiddo. I am very sorry that you tasted - I am very sorry that I tried to scar you for life and consume your trauma. I cannot stress enough how it’s nothing personal. There.” Weirdly enough, he looked a little proud of himself. “Hah. Totally rocked that talking to a human thing.”

“Uh,” Gerry said, too dizzy with the events of the last ten minutes to care very much about what he said, “is the wolf in charge of you?”

Even more unbelievably, the man brightened. “I’m her assistant! Not very many people pick that up. You’re very bright, little human. Do you want to pet her?” Jon glanced at Daisy, who looked unimpressed. Very loudly, he hissed at her, “Do children like petting dogs?”

The wolf, somehow, seemed to inform him that yes, they did. 

They were in too deep now. Gerry walked up and petted the wolf. It was fucking awesome. Agnes groaned and pulled him back again very quickly. She seemed a little jealous. The wolf yipped at her and Agnes reluctantly petted the wolf too. 

Jon clapped his hands. “Well! That was very unpleasant. I won’t ask what you’re doing hiding in a wall, Agnes. As a personal favor to you.”

“Thanks,” Agnes said flatly. 

“Tell Diego and Jude that I’m not doing it. Or eating your human. As a personal favor to you.”

“Definitely will.”

“Fantastic.” Jon’s eyes glinted, in the soft light of Agnes’ flames. “I’m very happy you’ve reincarnated into that fun child’s body, Agnes. Children are so tempestuous and impulsive. I wouldn’t have tolerated an adult setting me on fire. You understand that, don’t you?” 

Agnes nodded, almost shakily.

“You understand that for an adult, that would have had very different consequences.”

Agnes nodded again.

“Fantastic!” Then Jon was beaming again, all carelessness and laziness. “Have fun, you little delinquents. Come on, Daisy. I’m famished.”

He swanned off, wolf following closely on his tail. But the wolf looked back as it crossed the threshold, large yellow eyes piercing in a way that Gerry just couldn’t name, before they both disappeared. As slowly and terrifyingly as they had come.

Ten seconds passed, then fifteen. 

Agnes crumpled to her knees and bent over the floor, shaking, and her hands pressed hot scorch marks into the wood. She was still shuddering, and Gerry bent down next to her. He couldn’t physically comfort her, but he could put his hand close to hers on the wood. As close as possible, yet never touching. 

“We are so lucky to be alive,” Agnes breathed, before abruptly groaning. “I set him on fire! I set The Archivist on fire!”

The title tickled something in Gerry’s brain, bringing up an insane amount of questions, but he brushed them all aside. Gertrude was dead - or at the very least, very far away, where she was no good to him. She had to be, otherwise he would have noticed her cutting a swathe through Britain by now. 

“Who is he?” Gerry asked. He didn’t really want to know, but...well, he was himself. He wanted to know everything. It was kind of his whole thing.

Agnes sat down on her knees, rubbing her forehead, and Gerry cautiously sat down next to her. “He’s the monster who sold the world. The most dangerous man ever made.”

“The most dangerous man in the world gets bossed around by his dog?” Gerry asked, before the words sunk in. “Wait, I thought that was Jonah Magnus!”

“Jonah Magnus doesn’t kill people because they annoy him!” Agnes snapped, before she groaned into her hands again. “And I set him on fire…Diego is going to kill me!”

“For what it’s worth,” Gerry said awkwardly, “I’m glad you set him on fire. He was kind of a dick.” He paused again, uncertain of how to say it. “And...thanks for caring, I guess. You really don’t have to.” He shrugged, unwilling to state what had always been unsaid between them. “I’m a human. These things happen to us. You just have to deal with it.”

That was the way of the world. It had always been that way, even before the apocalypse. The strong and powerful and important like Jon kicked around smaller people, and the smaller people just hoped they survived it. 

Gerry was a survivor. Nobody had ever saved him before. Maybe because nobody had ever saved him before. 

Agnes tackled Gerry in a tight, pressing hug. She wasn’t hot at all, just mildly warm - an incredible act of effort and concentration on her part. Her arms were solid and unyielding, never mistaken for flesh, but she clutched at him with a unique desperation. Gerry cautiously hugged her back, letting her bury her head into his shoulder. 

“Not to you,” Agnes whispered. “Nothing bad’s going to happen to you. Not even The Archivist.”

“You can’t promise that,” Gerry whispered. 

“We’re family.” Agnes separated from him, stubbornly fighting boiling tears. “And I’m sick of just dealing with it.”

Gerry opened his mouth, then closed it. “Family?” He said weakly.

Agnes blushed hotly. “If you want!” She tightened her fists on her skirt, winding the fabric between her fingers anxiously. “It’s just that - I know you don’t have anyone...and I have my cultists, but they don’t really care about me, not like you do...and I know it used to be different, that family used to mean something different, but I don’t care about what old people thought family meant. I care about you, and we’re sticking together, so that’s what we are.” She faltered a little. “If you want.”

“Siblings, then,” Gerry said faintly. “If you want.”

And he did want it. More than anything, Gerry wanted this. 

When Agnes smiled at him, and she hugged him tightly again, Gerry was halfway certain that yet another disaster was about to befall them. He knew that meteors were going to strike, that the ground was going to open up and engulf them, that the world would end in fire and ice, because Gerry was so happy it clenched his heart. He was so happy he couldn’t breathe. 

“It’ll be okay,” Agnes said into his shoulder, “we’ll never have to deal with Jonathan Sims again. I promise.”

****

It was not a promise Agnes kept. 

They ran into him again. And again. And again. Eventually, after meeting a monstrous golem of fear and suffering that induced paralyzing fear so frequently, said simulacrum of human experience became slightly tiresome. And you realized that he was, actually, really not that bright. Or at the very least not very mature. And that his wolf sister kind of wore the pants in that relationship. That he and his wolf sister were like Agnes and Gerry, in every possible way. And that he was, weirdly, deeply kind. And that he loved, so bright and pure and fearsome that it had brought down the world. That he was capable of loving Gerry. Maybe even, given enough time, anyone. 

Many months later, as Gerry, Agnes, Jon, and Daisy sat in an ice cream shop splitting blood orange ice cream (with real blood!) and bickering endlessly about if Friends was the Flesh or the Stranger, that Gerry thought he might feel something familiar in his chest. 

Something that clenched his heart, something that made him so happy he couldn’t breathe. Something that felt like fire and ice and meteors and disaster.

Jon must have felt it. He looked at Gerry, surprised, with ice cream slowly dripping from his spoon and congealing on the table. “What’s wrong with you? Are you ill? Agnes, is he ill?”

“No,” Gerry said, wiping at his eyes. “I guess I’m happy again.”

Everybody stared at him, slightly dumbfounded. 

Daisy barked. 

“You’re quite right, Daisy,” Jon said. 

He didn’t tell them what she was right about, and Gerry never asked. He already knew. 

[threbe]

Queen Merlin

This is a part of a au I started writing a while ago after rereading the final Arc of the seven deadly sins I really didn't like what they did with Maryland's character in the last part of it or how they introduce chaos at the last minute so I'm making an au story where Merlin and Arthur are in a similar situation to Elizabeth and meliodas but in their case they were both high ranking celestial beings who served

chaos and the supreme deity in The demon King didn't like that they had Chaos's favor more so they killed them off and cursed both of them Merlin got reincarnated first and for over 3,000 years she spent it looking for Arthur and she finally refound him in the current time line of the story but in this story she doesn't meet or train him the Lady of the lake takes on the disguise lives in Camelot and

trains Arthur so he can become the king one day and it's during Merlin's time on the run after the seven deadly sins are accused of killing the grand holy night in leonis she comes across Arthur and he's between 19 to 21 and towards the end of the story he's 24 through 26 and since Merlin has stopped herself from aging between ages 30 through 35 they end up getting together and getting married at the end of the the story but at the end of the story we do learn that one of the other reasons the supreme deity and the demon King work

together to stop Merlin and Arthur who had Chaos's favor is because they were in love and that the supreme deity had a vision that if Arthur and Merlin in the past when they were celestial being had a kid together that it would bring about the apocalypse and end everything and this would help tie the story over to the four nights of the apocalypse and how Arthur wants to banish the other races because the other races want to take his child away from him that he and Merlin have always wanted to have for more than thousands of years

[demonologist-in-denim]

Review of Falling Skies by VivatRex

The first Crowley redemption fanfic I ever came across was Falling Skies by VivatRex. This was shortly after 8x23 aired, and at the time, there wasn’t much fic out there involving Crowley that portrayed him as anything other than a villain. (There still isn’t, to be fair.) And there definitely wasn’t much out there in which Crowley actively sought redemption, much less worked alongside and eventually earned himself a place among the Winchester extended family. So the fact that Falling Skies was a slow burn Mooseley fic was just something I was willing to accept in order to read what I was desperately looking for in a Crowley fic.

I was inspired by this post to go back and reread Falling Skies for the first time since it was completed in 2015. All 328,000+ words of it. It’s certainly the longest fanfic I’ve ever read. And I’ve read fanfics that more closely align to what I’m looking for – but because this was my first Crowley redemption fanfic, I’ve never forgotten it. There are parts of it - scenes, even single lines - that I vividly recall. There are scenes and dynamics and plot points in this fic that were significant influences on my own writing, and are so deeply entrenched in my understanding of post-cure Crowley that rereading this fic felt like some tantalizingly familiar part of myself echoing back to me after a long absence. This is the longest review I have ever written, but then, it is a very long fic.

To quickly summarize the fic, Falling Skies begins after 8x23, with the angels falling to earth and Sam having collapsed from attempting to abort the demon trials. The overarching plot follows Dean, Sam, humanized Cas and resentfully cured Crowley as they attempt to deal with the fallout of Abaddon’s return and the shuttering of the Gates of Heaven. Along the way, a new villainous angel makes a play to rule both Heaven and Hell, angels and demons battle out their differences on Earth in a massive slaughter, and the Man Tablet is discovered, which reveals that the ultimate apocalypse involves merging all the known planes of existence into a hellish nightmare. Throughout all of this, Crowley struggles with a blood-born conscience that begins to form itself into a soul, a mental and emotional link that now connects him and Sam due to the incomplete cure, and rival selves: the cunning, successful King of Hell and a man haunted by his past, longing to make amends. It’s equal parts Mooseley, Destiel, and a season’s worth of near-world ending scenario.

Scenes from this fic that I’ll never forget:

The opening scene is Crowley in the church at the end of 8x23, beset by guilt and shame as he can feel for the first time in hundreds of years the depth of pain and suffering he’s caused.

His reaction shortly after the aborted cure to remembering he killed Meg. “Crowley’s stomach twisted in a painful knot at the thought of Meg…The unspeakable acts that hadn’t seemed unspeakable at all at the time…He promptly rolled down the Impala’s window. He leaned out, vomiting onto the road.”

The scene in which Crowley admits to Sam that he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself after the cure, “if you’d cured me, I would’ve hung myself the minute I found a long enough rope.”

The scene in which Crowley faces the demon who tortured him on the rack, and sees himself in comparison to that demon, hears his own awful words to Kevin, “What you people fail to under is that you are nothing” and “it makes him sick to what little remained of his soul to think that his mindset had been similar to this…only a few months prior. That he hadn’t been much better than this, once.”

Fergus’ death scene was particularly memorable. Driven by fear of his own impending death and going to Hell, he accidently kills someone he loves, and takes his own life by hanging. It’s not ever the backstory I would have imagined for him, but it was written with real heart behind it.

Having chosen to complete the cure, that Crowley receives complete forgiveness. Whatever substitutes for divine authority in this fic restores his soul fully, forgives him for all his past sins, and frees Crowley from the ruinous effects of damnation. “He’d been forgiven. Crowley sobbed into his hands.” It’s not the story I would have written for Crowley, but at a time when Crowley redemption fic was almost nonexistent, this was powerful.

In a rare moment in which Cas is being a self-righteous asshole, Dean remarks that “you’re really reminding me of someone…a douche bag I met back in ’08 who threatened to throw me back into Hell if I didn’t show him the respect he deserved.” Later, after he’s had time to calm down and begins to feel guilt, Cas asks “The ‘douche bag’ who raised you from Hell. Did you hate him?”

This fic offered a lot of the emotional struggles and scenes, the waypoints, I wanted to see along Crowley’s road of redemption.

His struggle with embracing more human emotions and perspective. His subconscious and then intentional rejection of the monster he used to be.

Being offered a choice between more power and more humanity, and after a long internal struggle, choosing humanity.

Ultimately choosing the Winchesters and (Crowley’s own conception of) the greater good over demonic self-interests. Choosing “one tiny forever [with people he cared about over] a never-ending existence” without them.

Crowley grasping – and openly admitting to valuing – humanity for its own sake. And that while in becoming less demon and more human, in becoming family with the Winchesters, he may lose his powers and influence, his immortality and near-invincibility, that he gained everything else. “Love, friendship, family, redemption…It’s all worth it!”

Crowley in this fic is written as having that change of heart and perspective because of and for Sam’s sake, and I very much write all of that happening for Crowley’s own sake and born of something innate to him, but seeing all of this in a fic assured me that I wasn’t the only one who thought that redemption was possible for Crowley. It meant a lot to me at the time. I guess, considering I was willing to reread this whole fic again all these year later, it still does.

Crowley admitting – to himself and to others – or directly referencing feelings of guilt, remorse and shame for his actions. It wasn’t explained away as just the effects of the cure. Something deep inside him had been changed, restored.

The very first scene resoundingly validated my own understanding of 8x23 – Crowley caught up in the flood of emotions brought on by the cure, seeing his actions for the first time as truly monstrous, hearing the cries of his victims. Holy mother of sin, the things I’ve done.

The admittance to himself that time alone in the bunker’s dungeon, in the dark, was too much time left to self-reflection and memories – the nagging of his conscience when he’d rather suppress it entirely.

The rawness of his emotions, his unfamiliarity with how to process them, “it had been a constant struggle not to start sobbing like a bloody child since Sam had almost cured him.”

His increasing hatred of other demons, not because of their disloyalty or incompetence, but because of what they symbolize: their delight in suffering, the misery they cause, that he was anything like them and might still be – or worse, might regress and become again.

In canon, Crowley asks Sam where to begin looking for forgiveness. He references wanting to make amends again in 10x17 when he tells Sam he thought making changes to Hell “might matter.” But after the cure, Crowley in canon never really expresses one way or another whether he thinks he’s capable of or can earn redemption. We’re left with subtext that suggests Crowley thinks he’s too far gone for that – or has been convinced that that’s the case by the attitude of the Winchesters and Cas. Fanfiction, this fic, offered up what canon couldn’t:

Crowley admitting to hating what he was and wanting to be better. Saying things like “I’ve been past the point of forgiveness for a very long time” and “There’s no forgiveness, not for a thing like me” and hating that.

Feeling beyond ashamed to have so thoroughly damned himself beyond any hope of redemption. “Even now, he would never forgive himself for all he’d done – and truthfully, he didn’t believe he deserved forgiveness.” Crowley feeling that way both kills me – because it’s not true, dammit – and fulfills a perverse need to see the character suffer through all the necessary growth to actually become that better self that is worthy of that redemption.

Crowley admits his own efforts are “not enough!...It’ll never be enough” compared with his sins. In canon, Crowley never says as much, but plenty of other characters, particularly the Winchesters, are more than happy to come to that conclusion for him.

Again, I am amazed – looking back at this fic – of how much of Crowley’s road to redemption that this fic established for me. One of the waypoints was Crowley coming to a point where he recognizes and then internalizes that being a demon is bad. That seems obvious, but Crowley had so much to gain from being a demon. Did gain so much, compared to his human life. But in becoming a demon, souls lose something, something of immense and irreplaceable value.

After the aborted cure, Crowley “had all the souls of the damned behind him, and he’d never felt weaker.”

And then there was the matter of watching what other demons did, the harm they caused – seeing the consequences and aftermath of the pain and suffer he had caused, how that effected the people around him, the people Crowley now cared about.

There’s coming to grips with the understanding that possessing a meatsuit is a horrible, violating experience for that person.

And that being this broken, corrupted thing is something Crowley wants to get away from, forget about, suppress. And as he increasingly becomes one of the boys, it’s something he tries – without success – to put behind him. “Would you believe that I’d almost forgotten?...Forgot what I was.”

Crowley’s road to redemption, his “transformation” in this fic, is slow. As appealing as the plot point of the demon cure was in canon, I couldn’t imagine the reforming of a soul of the demonic smoke to be anything other than slow, painful, and complicated. It had to be that way, it had to be something of value, to be a redemption that was actually earned.

Crowley’s humanity shines through a little at a time. In most of fanfiction, we go straight to the heart of the matter. That’s what we’re here for. But it’s so much more impactful when the glimpses of Crowley’s feelings and humanity are rare, and veiled behind snark, dismissal, and misdirection.

Crowley has moments of both begrudged self-reflection and open admission. He surprises himself in moments with the sincerity of his own remarks.

Grapples with longing for humanity and the good aspects that come with that, as much as he hates human weakness.

He often considers himself not human enough, and is hard on himself for that.

He learns to ask for help, and the scene in which he asks for help in completing the cure is something I longed to see play out in canon.

There is a scene where a character can see Crowley’s true form – what an angel sees when looking at humans, demons and other beings – and can see that it’s healing from the corrosive effects of damnation and being on Hell’s rack. This is something that I’ve never explored in my own work, but have often thought about and wondered how to visualize for the reader. Visualize Crowley “regaining pieces of his soul,” as Eliot in Leverage recently put it.

There are moments in the fic in which Crowley’s demonic instincts and humanity align, have the same goal, which is something I love and would have wanted to see explored in canon.

At one particular vulnerable moment, Crowley admits to the cure having saved him – “You saved me” – from the damage done to a soul corrupted into a demon. Saved him from himself, stopping him from doing more evil in the future.

The tragedy of that, of course, is that the Winchesters didn’t save Crowley intentionally, didn’t do it for Crowley’s sake, and because of that, Crowley in canon could only begrudge having been transformed from an “icy, unfeeling, ruthless, perfect” demon into a “messy, emotional” shadow of himself.

Even as Crowley laments “not being human enough” in this fic, he is also conflicted about not being demon enough.

The part of Crowley that still revels in depravity and violent strength, in ultimate power, can’t stand the idea of being weakened by human nature. He can’t believe he’s starting to feel all those rainbow, feel-good emotions that make such fools of the Winchesters and their kind.

Equally, not being demon enough undermines Crowley’s legitimacy as King of Hell. If he isn’t the most ruthless, sadistic, uncaring monster out there, he isn’t fit to rule Hell. And not being the king, who is he? And from where does he obtain his power, his means of security and self-preservation? It is as much an existential crisis as it is a matter of wanting to hold onto ill-gotten power and authority.

Giving into his more human side, “would he even be able to rule Hell,” or would he be reduced back to the nothing that he was before bashing his way through the ranks?

And if he gives up humanity for being King? For power? At least then “I’ll have power. I’ll have respect. I’ll have the best a demon can have. The best I can have…It’s all I can do.”

Even in admitting letting go of humanity secures him power, Crowley admits that he chooses that because it’s all he thinks he’s worthy of, a sad consolation prize. Crowley never admits as much in canon, but I absolutely read all this as the reason for his inability to let go of Hell and move to join the Winchesters sooner.

Crowley’s perspective on being king in this fic and how that perspective changes over the course of the slow burn is perhaps the greatest strength of the fic.

Throughout much of the fic, Crowley legitimately loves being king. He loves the authority, he loves the power. The fic leans heavily on his cunning and strategic mind, something that canon failed to capitalize on after Crowley became a second-tier member of Team Free Will. While reading, I honestly believed that the author was writing a Crowley that loved the crown and would begrudge giving it up.

But slowly, what he loves about being a king cannot outweigh everything he hates about Hell, demonkind, and what being king costs him.

Very much in line with canon, Crowley gets to a point where he is forced to admit to himself that despite all the perks and benefits, he actually hates being the King of Hell.

He believes he has to keep being king to keep Hell in line and less of a threat – just like in canon. And uses that as a justification, along with love of power, to remain trapped in his own personal hell.

A few aspects of being King of Hell that the fic explores that canon doesn’t include:

The brilliant idea that “Hell chooses who leads it.” Demonic loyalty shifts from an unsuitable leader to a powerful alternative, and when that loyalty shifts, the power of Hell shifts from to that particular demon or Knight of Hell. That’s what gives the king (or queen) of Hell their immense power and legitimizes their authority. Love that idea – it almost makes it like a…demonocracy.

Crowley feels responsible towards the overall protection of demonkind. This is somewhat suggested in canon, such as when Crowley refers to Bobby Singer as being a surge to “his kind.” But it doesn’t have quite the paternalistic quality to it, compared to in the fic when Crowley gets angry that Abaddon is using “his subjects” as cannon fodder against angels. “Yes, they were traitorous, weak-minded prats, but they were still his.”

But the most significant aspect of Hell and demons this fic explores – in my opinion – is how Hell turns souls into demons. Falling Skies delves into Crowley’s own torture on the rack, “he kept seeing flashes – brief, vivid visions, memories” of “blood and laughter and screaming ad begging and pain.”

Souls are strapped to the rack and torn apart, “destroyed brick by brick…violated and torn down” and then, made into a demon, “pieced back together into something else…something evil. Something poisonous and wrong.” This unmaking so as to create from the ruins departs from the idea that a soul caves or gives into to evil in Hell, and instead invests in the idea that it is something done to them, that it is a perversion of everything that they are, which in my opinion is a much more compelling take on demons.

Hell doesn’t only take a soul’s humanity, it takes their memories as well. Crowley references how “his torture in Hell had been enough to erase almost every part of his human life. He honestly only knew the barest details of the man that was Fergus.”

What he does remember is primarily the bad memories, as if Hell intentionally allowed him to hold onto those memories to either fuel his damnation or to discourage him from being nostalgic for his human life.

Much of what Crowley actually feels, even as a demon, is suppressed, “drowned in smoke”, numbing him to his actions and clouding his own thoughts and emotions in Hell’s influence. “He’d never realized how much he’d lost, how much he’d blocked out, how much he hadn’t even thought was worth remembering.”

All of this significantly influenced my own ideas about what it meant to be a demon – to be a semi-cured demon – and Crowley’s existential struggle.

Some smaller, more personal characteristics of Crowley that this fic influenced in my own writing include:

Crowley being a cook, and rolling his eyes at the boys fearing he’s going to poison them

Crowley referring to or thinking of the Winchesters as “his humans” rather than him being “their demon”

Crowley stating in fanfiction long before that final scene in 12x23 that he “always wins”

pointing out how even before the cure, he has carried his own weight in the saving-the-world department. “Who helped you stop the apocalypse? Me. Who helped you take out Castiel when he tried to pay god? Me. Who helped you stop Dick and his cronies? Me! ARE YOU NOTICING A TREND HERE?”

In this fic, Crowley takes a younger meatsuit – the son of his canon meatsuit. Which made me very uncomfortable and felt hypocritical, because by this point, Crowley is very much one of the good guys and should have had qualms about that. But then angelic powers make it possible for Crowley to take that meatsuit and the person is snapped back into existence, whole and unaware, and Crowley is visibly relieved by that. Vessels and meatsuits has always been something that the canon never properly addressed or explored. And while Crowley taking just a younger version of his vessel felt like ageism here, at least the author addressed the moral complications of his choice.

Crowley’s central, guiding concept of redemption and what it means to do the right thing was also established for me in this fic.

He has the chance to murder the demon that tortured him, that led him on his path to damnation. The demon attempts to play the mortality card, telling Crowley to “kill again and blacken your heart even more.” And Crowley, in perfect character, replies “in for a penny, in for a pound.”

Crowley truly believes himself to be beyond redemption, but that he can use his damnation as another resource in the larger fight for what is right. If he’s already damned, no reason to hold back – he can do the ugly, messy things the others can’t, what might even need to be done to secure the win for Team Free Will.

He reflects on his changing perspective of morality, how he thought good and evil were just human concepts that got in way, that people mistakenly draw line between good and evil when really it’s a spectrum that people move up and down all the time.

What he comes to believe in, with his semi-restored humanity, is choices. “That night that Sam had injected him with human blood, that night he’d come close to being saved (or doomed?), he had seen the darkness inside of himself, and he had hated it…there was good and evil within everyone, or at least the potential for it. What mattered was what side you chose, or at least which you chose the most often, which you kept trying to fight your way back to…For the time being, Crowley was not evil. And really, he rather liked that.”

That idea of Crowley fighting his way back to a better version of himself, to his morality and humanity being defined by his choices – that is central to me in Crowley’s character and road to redemption.

Much of Crowley’s relationship with the boys post-cure for me was based on this fic as well.

With the cure coursing through him, seeing Dean as an actual person for the first time.

His professional respect for them morphing into admiration, into protectiveness, because “they tried. And that should count for something, damn it.”

His understanding that the boys’ don’t just use people up – they do so by giving them something to believe in, something to fight for, and letting the cause use them up.

Dean making a deal with the angels to kill the King of Hell, and being unable to go through with it, then choosing to stand between Crowley and the angels.

Crowley recognizing his and Cas’ similarities, discussing with him the benefits and difficulties of being human or semi-human.

He and Cas getting a drink together and sharing their woes.

Cas admitting that his old angelic biases being in the way of seeing before how alike they are.

Crowley and Cas joking that in their team-up, Crowley is Dean and Cas is Sam.

Idea explored in this fic that I loved and want to flesh out in a fic:

Closing the Gates of Hell means all the demons, including Crowley, will be trapped down there forever. And a) Crowley considers or b) the Winchesters consider without telling Crowley - turning him human so that he won’t be trapped down there with demonkind.

A third or even second attempt at the cure might not be possible, or not take full effect.

Turning a soul into a demon takes proper time, that “hurrying the torture, letting out the souls before they’re fully cooked…churning out demons with bits of human still left in them. You’d think it would make them less dangerous, but it just makes them a hell of a lot worse. They’re out of their minds and out of control.”

And I very much appreciated that it referenced the reality that in killing a possessed meatsuit, the boys were killing a victim, a possessed person. That is something that sort of fell away and became an acceptable collateral damage, and never sat very well with me.

Falling Skies also introduced a loyal lackey for Crowley by the name of Laharl who I loved as a character. Crowley very much needed that someone in later seasons.

Castiel attempting to heal Crowley, and him suffering an instinctual fear that the angel intends to smite him.

The boys – and Crowley – struggling with the unwelcome knowledge that if Crowley chooses to become king again, there will come a time when their interests don’t align, and they will have to be enemies again. How much Crowley doesn’t want that, can’t bear the thought he might hurt them again.

I know this is a really long review. And I honestly don’t expect anyone to read it all the way through. I wrote it more for myself than anything. Because, even though there is plenty about the way that I write Crowley that differs from the way this author did, there is also so much here that influenced my understanding of him and his road to redemption. When there was no other fanfiction about Crowley fighting his way out of the dark, about choosing the Winchesters and to be better, there was Falling Skies. And I will always be immensely grateful for that.

Read the fic on AO3

[sebs-anxiety-and-insanity]

You're human?!

Zombie apocalypse au

I have a request in one of the comments and to that person I respond: your request is being done as fast as possible, I had it done but then I reread it and realized it was crap so I am rewriting it again :] the outfit above is Virgil's current outfit he is not genderbent it's just one of my favorites also this is a long one so yeah

Entry number 604:

I don't consistently write unless something big has happened. That said, I have realized something big. I haven't seen another human in roughly three years. THREE. All that remains is undead. This isn't even meant for humans anymore... Haha maybe I'm just starting to lose it... The isolation is getting to me...

Rotten, molded flesh was everywhere around him. He had forgotten the turn again! Ugh, how could he be so stupid!? He  could hear their staggering footsteps closing in, hear their groaning get louder and immersed Virgil in the pain soaked groans coming from behind. It's bizzare to think that they could be in pain while they're chasing you. Well, not really chasing you, but, eh- you get the point. Virgil looked around the alleyway (classic, right?) Looking for a place for him to escape. He looked to his left. Brick. He turned his head to the right. Stone. In front was a back of an apartment building, he could try his luck climbing? Yeah, that might work.

Virgil didn't realize how much time he actually spent thinking of a way to escape the group of Z's behind him until he heard a call from someone- a walker? No. Maybe some disembodied voice- "You're gonna let them eat you?" Virgil looked around to see a disgusting hand reach for him, and succeeding in grabbing his backpack, tugging him backwards. He could hear the voice in the back of his head? Maybe? "Shame." After his fight or flight kicked in he quickly pulled forward, making his way to the building, hearing the sound of something hitting the ground he assumed to be a Z. He quickly reached down pulling the knife he had in his boot out and started to climb the building. He got on the dumpster, struggling to stay up right with the dumpster moving beneath him. He reached up for the window sill, pulling himself up with the help of a push. The push off of the dumpster caused it to roll backwards and to the side hitting a wall. "Shit." He looks up to find the next place to grab. Taking a deep breath Virgil reached for the next window sill using a near by air conditioner as a step stool of sorts. A few seconds after his foot put it's weight on it he heard a creak. Uh oh. The air conditioner quickly fell out of the window, crushing a Z at the bottom and almost sending Virgil down with it. He managed to keep a semi good hold on the window. Virgil closed his eyes resting his forehead on the building. "C'mon, c'mon.. Whew okay Virgil you got this." He whispered before continuing his journey up.

At the second window from the roof Virgil decided to rest a moment, taking advantage of the open window. He took deep breathes, trying his best to hold on as he was reluctantly losing his grip. As he caught his breath Virgil felt chills run down his spine as he heard the most inhumane groan. He looked up, scared at what he might find. There stood a HUGE Z. No this one goes into walker. More dangerous than a Z (they are all zombies just he names them in categories-)when stuck in place. It began to walk toward him dragging his leg behind him. Virgils breath hitched. He was screwed didn't have enough time to climb past the window without the walker getting his legs, but he also couldn't get a weapon to defend himself with. He could try climbing in and then grab a weapon but that didn't seem like he could win that. No,, his best bet was to keep climbing. He grabbed the next window sill, the cuts and scrapes from the brick building he was on, burning his hand. Clenching his his eyes shut he continued to go for the roof. "Open your eyes!" A different disembodied voice said it this time. Virgil obliged and looked up to see a man. Wait, a man? As in, HUman?! "C'mon kiddo grab my hand!" Virgil stared at the out reached hand. Is he even real? Or is this man a figment of his imagination? Something made for his spiralling mind. He felt a finger glide against his boot. He wouldn't have long if he just stared. Real or not he'd rather take a chance with the guy. Virgil quickly stopped staring and grabbed the hand. The stranger Began to pull him up, and Virgil let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, until the walker grabbed his boot. Shitshitshit nonono. Gasping Virgil began to try and pull himself up more with the help of the man of course. "A little help Rem?" The man struggled to get out between grunts, obviously using all his strength to get Virgil up on the roof. "Ugh, fine!" The first disembodied voice spoke- did he say 'Rem'? Virgil was felt himself be pulled up a bit but the walker wasn't giving up and wouldnt let go. Virgil went wide eyed upon feeling the breath of the walker. "NO!" Virgil began kicking in spastic movements, kicking and flailing harder then before. Was this how he died? Delusional and alone?

One kick seemed to land or something cause Virgil felt himself being lifted with ease and sat down on the roof. "I have saved the damsel in distress again!" Virgil didn't realize he'd closed his eyes, but when he opened them he was pleasantly surprised. Three people stood before him. REAL PEOPLE! In a moment of  euphoria, and a lot of mixed feelings Virgil

Lept onto the closet person to him, clutching onto him tightly, muttering things the taller male couldn't hear. "Sweetie? Are-are you okay?" Rem, as the other male called him lightly touched Virgil's back, tapping him in a questioning manner. Virgil's heart fluttered at the nickname, and his skin buzzed and hued at the touch. Virgil coming to his senses sat up Apologizing, of course not fully to his senses as he continued to straddle Rem. "Apologies- it's just.." Virgil looks down at Rem, staring into his eyes for what felt like forever (five seconds) and then looked over to the other two, who looked as if they didn't know what to do about the situation, before looking back at Rem. "You're human?" Virgil leaned forward a tiny bit,, his hands holding him up on Rem's chest. Rem chuckled and Virgil could just explode in happiness by just feeling the vibrations of coming from his chest. Rem was real. That's all he knew. Rem wasn't from some twisted part of his head making him believe he wasn't alone. "I-i Mean- like, you're real?" Virgil looked away blushing, "As real as that pretty little face of yours sweetheart." Virgil was sure he was a tomato by now and- wait. Is he..? OHMYGODIMSTRADDLINGAREALLYHOTGUY.  Virgil quickly got up, looking over at the two strangers. "Aww." The one with glasses and curly blonde hair said. The other looked as if he would be the definition of perfection if he were a prince.

Hell most of the people here could be on most sexy guy alive or whatever that magazine was. "I'm Patton, and this is Roman!" The man-Patton enthusiasticly pointed at the main with red tipped hair. "He's super strong." Patton whispered. "And that's Remy!" Patton pointed to the hot guy getting up from the ground. "And you are?" Patton displayed a puppy face that could get someone out of death row after there wasn't a response. Virgil contemplated telling them his name, after all Virgil isn't a very good name.. "Well, sheesh! You look like my anxiety and depression demon from like 8th grade." Virgil shrunk in on himself at the remark from Roman. "Roman that's enough." Remy spoke up as he stood beside Virgil. "What? I mean this.. Look" He gestured at Virgil. "Looks to be a lot of effort! Does he try to make himself look like this in the APOCALYPSE-" Before he could stop himself Virgil hissed at Roman. Virgil slapped his hands across his mouth, shocked that he did that to a stranger. Virgil carefully looked back up to see Roman in shock, Patton whispering things like "woahhhhhhh my new son". Virgil didn't wanna look at Remy's reaction though, afraid of the look he might be given. If there is one thing to know, even when seperated from the rest of humanity, it to know that Remy gave off a different vibe then the rest. Roman gave off a 'more bark then his bite' (although he definitely could put you down) Patton  a dad vibe. And Remy the bad bitch of the apocalypse vibe, one that could end you with words. Or even just a glare. "Fuck you princey." Virgil crossed his arms. Roman looked to be glowing and Patton covered his ears. "Why thank you anxiety." Virgil glared at him. But decided not to tell his name. At least, not to Roman. "I'm good enough for Royalty! Even in the end of the world." Remy sighed. "So, what now?" He looked over to Patton, dusting his leather jacket. "Hmm, I suppose we take him with us! Maybe Lo will lemme keep him." He didn't like being compared to a pet or a piece of property but when these are the first human contact you can let it go... Once.

Okay, when hearing he might get to go to a camp with other humans- people, he didn't expect to be carried, but, Remy insisted, saying something about Patton not wanting precious cargo damaged. Virgil let himself doze on Remys back listening to the light conversation taking place between Patton and Roman. The breeze hitting Virgil was delightful and helped lure him closer to sleep. Virgil remained on that edge of sleep to where you're asleep, but you knew you were asleep and was partially awake. (Make sense? Idk it happens me-) he heard the conversation take more serious tone, "So.... Now that anxiety is asleep, what are we gonna do with him? I mean we don't know for sure if he is safe. Maybe he has been bitten.. You know somewhere hidden by those clothes." He heard a sigh presumably from Patton, "I'm sure he would've shown symptoms by now. Besides, he's adorable, right, Remy?" "He is definitely adorable-" "See!? Let's just wait and see what Logan says." Virgil tightened his grip on Remy and finally drifted off fully to sleep.

Remy nudged Virgil's head with his own, effectively waking Virgil up. "Huh? Smguhthmbi.." Remy chuckled, "before turning the corner into an abandoned looking apartment. "We're back, bitches!" A man dressed in a duster and jeans with a tie wrapped around a jar that hung from his belt, looked over at the two, eyes narrowing at Virgil, making him very aware of his position. Virgil immediately got out of Remys hold, Remy taking his arms away from Virgil so he didn't trip him. "Out, everyone, please." The man took off his glasses gesturing in his and Remys general direction. "Not you two." Virgil felt a lump in his throat, anxiety creep up his spine. Ah, how he missed this. He didn't. This was actually the only thing he didn't miss about humanity. "Now, tell me," The door shut with a soft click as everyone else had left. Leaving behind all types of supplies filling up the kitchen and various other rooms. "Why are you here?" The man walked in front of the table he was behind, leaning on it as he crossed his arms. Virgil was starting to feel panic as he didn't actually know  why he was here. "We saw him in an alley way, cornered by Zombos." Remy lifted his sun glasses letting them rest on his head. Moving over to the old kitchen counter. "He climbed up the side of a building and we just kinda keep him-" "I do not believe I was talking to you." Virgil flinched at the amount of venom oozing from  his words. "Can he even help us in some way? We have enough people to house! If he cannot pull his own weight then he can leave. Of course he would have to prove himself, he does seem weak. Having to have been carried seems strange.." His eyes squing through the glasses placed on his nose. "I-" "Has he been bitten?" Virgil had to swallow irritation from being cut off and the amount of questions coming from this stranger. To be frank, he was actually missing being alone and isolated already. "N-" "I wasn't talking to you." The man shot back, okay, now Virgil was getting really irritated. "Any sane person knows that one would lie to save their own skin. I mean, you had to be running from something to have carried that much stuff." The man gestured to his things. "Jesus, calm down! He hasn't been bit!" The man raised his brow, as if begging the question 'and you know this how?' Remy rolled his eyes. "Bitch, he would've shown symptoms by now, Einstein! Sweating, really fucking hungry, etc. Fucking hell! Leave it to Logan to make things overly dramatic." "I am merely being protective." He seethed. The man who Remy called Logan, pinched his nose sighing. "Fine! We can keep him-" "Can everyone stop fucking saying that!?" Remy and Logan stared at him in suprise. "I'm not some fucking THING you can keep! I was doing just fine without this place- yes this means, I. Don't. Need. You. Damnit I'm not something you can claim as property and I sure as HELL ain't no fucking-" Virgil threw his hands up in the air before taking a breath. "No, I don't need to prove myself to you and I won't. You don't want me here then I'll go." Virgil began to turn around to leave. "I'll gladly take another three years without people." He muttered. "Hey, I saved you." Remy reminded. "You are my responsibility and if I say you stay you stay." Remy took a step forward. "... I owe you and the other two but I don't owe him." Virgil stopped moving and stared between Logan and Remy. "He is staying with me Logan. And really how much pain can he cause I mean we have Remus." Logan paused thinking a moment. "*sigh* fine. I'll get him an outfit. But he is pulling his weight around here." "Alright!" Remy turned and started to guide Virgil towards the door. "Feels nice to have two bad bitches here." Remy smirked at Virgil as the walked. His hand floating around the small of Virgil's back as he showed him the place. Maybe having found a group of survivors wasn't so bad after all.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Woah that's a long one 😅

Anyways I'll work on a part 2 soon

Hope you enjoyed💜

Not proof read

Tag list {you can ask to be added or removed}:

@reiney-weather @helloidkwhatimdoing-0 @love-lemons @emo-sunshine42 @autumnpleaves @hedgiehoggles @radicalskatervirgil

[brightblueinky]

Pardon me for the intrusion, but you're the only person I found who's still into CC and I have to ask: does the romantic aspect of Chrono's and Rosette's relationship seem lacking to you? Like I can see when Rosette starts to view him as a love interest (chapter 28), but I can't see when Chrono starts to view her as one. To me it feels like he only had an interested in Mary, and Rosette is just his very beloved friend; the kiss felt too sudden. I'm sorry, I just need a second opinion on this.

Okay I am so sorry I didn’t respond to this until now, I’ve mostly been using tumblr on my phone and using it to check a few blogs and occasionally the CC tag, and apparently tumblr doesn’t notify for asks on the mobile app? Or I’m not seeing it? Something. I have no idea how long you’ve been waiting for a response on this, so I’m really sorry! I hope you find this!

I think I need a reread of the manga at this point--a lot of the stuff I’m writing these days is going off of head canon which might not be 100% accurate anymore. So I’m just going to write this off the cuff. Gonna be a bit stream of consciousness! So this is definitely not a definitive opinion or even one I’ll always stand by, just how I personally feel in this particular moment.

So off the top of my head...

I think we see less things from Chrono’s point of view than from Rosette’s, which is part of what makes this tricky. This isn’t ALWAYS the case obviously (we see his sort of...PTSD dream flashback after Rizelle’s death, the flashback in volume 6 is basically from Chrono’s viewpoint since it’s mostly his memories, etc), but since one of the way the plot moves forward is the mystery of what happened in Chrono’s past usually the viewpoint is more centered around Rosette. I actually always assumed that Rosette was the only character that Moriyama would consider the protagonist until I saw that on a dust jacket for one of the books he said that BOTH Chrono and Rosette are (can’t remember which book, sorry! it was a fan translation).

Thinking about it, I think we see Chrono start to realize he has romantic feelings at the end of volume 6. I think that’s the first time he really, truly comes to accept his contract with Rosette as a good thing instead of just...the lesser of two evils, I guess? It’s when he goes “oh, yeah, I made the contract because otherwise she would’ve run off to solve the problem on her own, and I didn’t want to leave her alone.” I think that’s when he starts to really see Rosette as someone that’s on the same level of emotional maturity as him, too--earlier he occasionally teases her for being immature, but I think when Rosette tells him that she wants to share his pain, and Mary’s, that he sees how emotionally strong she is as a person and really respects that. Not that he didn’t see her as strong BEFORE, buuut like...he’d been so hesitant to share his past with Rosette until right then, and her response, I think, makes him realize how helpful having her support really is to him.

This isn’t really the same situation and is definitely my own personal reaction, but as I write this it makes me think of when I was dating my husband. I was initially terrified he was going to break up with me because I was bisexual--we both came from conservative Christian backgrounds and were homeschooled, and in the past he expressed homophobic sentiments--but I felt like I HAD to tell him because I couldn’t see myself in a long term relationship with someone I couldn’t be 100% honest with. His reaction when I told him was to immediately tell me he trusted me and cared about me, start to reconsider what he’d been raised to feel immediately, and he’s become one of my biggest advocates as I’ve come out to friends and family. Coming out to him was one of the best things I’ve ever done, but it was terrifying until I did. I can see Chrono having similar fears talking about his past with Rosette, and having a similar sense of relief and healing as soon as he realized how much Rosette is in his corner and how helpful having someone he can be open with actually is.

In the next chapter, Rosette holds Chrono’s hands to comfort him while they briefly talk about their current situation (Chrono being held in, uh, demon jail? and Rosette being taken off of her mission to find Joshua), then they both blush and get flustered when they realize what they’re doing. They babble small talk afterward while inner dialogue repeats Rosette’s promise to share Chrono’s pain, and Mary’s too. And then RIGHT AFTER is when Remington walks in and takes them to Aion’s old house on the beach so...that’s about it.

So I think the manga does show that, either right after he’s pulled out of his coma by Rosette or sometime in the aftermath, Chrono is starting to acknowledge that his feelings for Rosette might be more romantic. But it is VERY brief, because literally everything after that is two volumes of the big finale, taking place entirely over no more than 24 hours. Everything after that is rushing to tie up as many loose ends as possible--Fiore being Satella’s sister, saving Joshua, Joshua beginning to grapple with the gravity of what he’s done and been a part of and what’s been done to him, Aion and Chrono’s confrontation, the Order and the Sinner’s confrontation, Rosette’s near death experience, Aion’s motivations revealed, Chrono and Aion’s true relationship revealed, Azmaria finally coming into her own in terms of taking ownership of her powers, the culmination of Aion’s plans (and near-Apocalypse caused by it), the true nature of demons, the deaths of most of the Sinners, Shader’s defection, Joshua and Fiore’s relationship being somewhat resolved, Rosette and Chrono’s relationship being somewhat resolved...like holy shit there is SO. MUCH. THERE.

On top of that, I’ve got the Japanese reprints and while I can read basically no Japanese (HUGE GRAIN OF SALT INCOMING), I’ve pointed Google Translate at some of the omakes and from what I can tell, Moriyama talks in the omake in...volume 6, I think, that he basically had a whole other volume’s worth of story for the flashback that had to be cut! If I’m understanding it right, it’s like...from Remington’s perspective, and involves some Native American tribe or reservation that had connections to the Sinners, and the woman in charge of the orphanage Joshua and Rosette grew up in was a child living in a town nearby....

Basically, from what I can tell? Moriyama had a LOOOOOOOOT of background stuff he wanted to go into in the back half of Chrono Crusade that he wasn’t able to do for time reasons. I’m not sure if his editor gave him a deadline, or he realized it would be too meandering, or what exactly happened, but...have you ever heard the “iceberg” theory of writing? Basically, flesh out as much of the backstory as you can--know everything about the town your story is set in, the family of your protag and their relationships with them, what they eat for breakfast, just...every little minutia you can possibly think of, but most of that won’t get into your story. The audience will only see the tip of the iceberg, but knowing so much background about your setting and characters will help it feel more alive and inform your decisions as you write.

I think Moriyama had a fucking huge iceberg, basically, and I think he actually wanted to show more of that, but...couldn’t. So we get little pieces of art that reference this entire backstory for Satella we never see, and Aion, etc....that gets small nods but doesn’t make it into the manga.

And I think there’s a lot of things Moriyama wanted to give time to breathe in the manga but due to space limitations, couldn’t. So that’s why the second half of the manga literally takes place from Thanksgiving to sunrise on Christmas Day and is...the entire second half of the manga. He’s rushing to get in as much as possible while still letting the story flow as a story and sometimes...it’s not perfect.

So....I think unfortunately, yeah, one of the casualties of that is that we don’t get a huuuuuge amount of Chrono’s side of the relationship, because most of the moments that really shows that they’re heading in that direction is from Rosette’s POV. Other than the scene I already mentioned, I think you could argue that Chrono’s reaction to “the place that Chrono can go back to was decided 4 years ago!” might also be the first moment he starts to consider how important Rosette is to him, but that doesn’t HAVE to be romantic...Chrono’s reaction to her death (and then realizing there’s a chance to revive her) again emphasizes how important she is to him, but it doesn’t HAVE to be romantic...the kiss at the end is the only thing that really 100% says “Yes, this is romantic and not platonic” on his part. And...yeah. It feels a bit sudden. There’s some underlying hints before that but...I mean, I know about them because I’m obsessive about character growth and narrowed in on it in subsequent rereads, I’m not sure if it came through right away on my first read of the manga, and I even knew going into it that they were at least meant to be teased as a ship, so, yeah.

Also I briefly want to admit that as I’ve gotten older, the age gap bothers me a little more. Not enough for me to abandon the ship, just, you know, it’s something I acknowledge will turn some people off. I think Chrono, maturity-wise, is meant to be seen as...about 20. I think Moriyama mentions in one of the early omakes that that’s what he looks like in his unsealed form, we know that when he leaves Pandaemonium it’s right after his coming of age ceremony so he’s about what a demon would consider to be 18 in terms of emotional (and physical?) maturity, and especially since he’s been sleeping for 50 years since that period of his life he doesn’t have the experience that his age really indicates (which Aion blantantly points out near the end). So I’m not THAT bothered by it because I don’t think that Rosette and Chrono are actually that inequal in terms of emotional maturity but it’s still...there, and...I mean he met her when she was 12...so...yeah that’s a bit weird!! 

I’ve just gotten to where I shrug my shoulders and go “look, every ship in Chrono Crusade has something problematic about it, if you’re going to be a fan of Chrono Crusade you’re probably going to have to grapple with the fact that it’s messy and human and nobody is 100% good or bad in the manga, and that’s part of what I like about it, so, that’s cool, but it’s probably not for everyone.” It’s actually one reason why I’m kinda OK with CC not being as popular as some of its contemporaries because...some of the anti-shipper stuff I’ve seen online...oh boy.

So...I guess in conclusion, I think there’s stuff there in the manga to build up the relationship a little bit, but a lot of it is from Rosette’s POV and most of it is kind of subtle. I wouldn’t be surprised if Moriyama had wanted to flesh it out more obviously in the manga but the second half is stuffed full of wrapping up character arcs and questions and loose ends so it just didn’t really have the time to get as much focus. I really like the ship a lot, but a lot of it comes from analysis of the characters and how they relate to each other rather than it just being...canon. I’m okay with that, I’m the sort of person that will ship characters that never even meet just because I think the dynamic might be cool, but...I’m not surprised that not everyone would be into it, either.

And now I kinda want to make...a series of posts analyising the different relationships that are...either canon or teased in canon, see how much they’re built up, etc. Because this post makes me think a lot about Joshua/Azmaria and how confused I was by them apparently being married in the epilogue on my first read, and only seeing the hints Moriyama hinted about them possibly being a couple in the manga on subsequent rereads (and even then HO BOY it’s so subtle it makes Chrono and Rosette look really in your face aaaaaa). BUT I HAVE RAMBLED ENOUGH FOR THIS POST and, again, I need a reread. Maybe soon....!!!!