#Reading my stuff considering the tags and subjects of those two fics

[cyber-neptune]

Hey just posting this here because of a comment on ao3

Please don't read or interact with my fics called Liquid Memories and Fairy Butcher if you're young or "very young" it makes me really uncomfortable and disturbed. Those fics are dark (FB IN PARTICULAR!!) and I honestly don't like knowing young kids are reading my stuff, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE TAGS AND WARNINGS ON IT.

I know I can't stop people from reading it but please PLEASE let me hold on to the hope that I don't have young kids reading my edgy vents

[kiragecko]

cherrystainedknuckles

I guess the only problem with being asked to take a “marie kondo approach” is that in order to find any fanfic that appears to be based in actual canon timeline and plot points and characterization (which does exist, and I’m not sure why fanon fans seem insistent that it doesn’t), I literally have to search for hours. I’m not joking, I consistently make fic rec lists, and I have to search for hours and hours for actual canonical basis. same thing with character tags on tumblr.

I’m not saying fanon fans have to stop enjoying fanon or making up their own content. I’m just saying that when the tags used for both fanon tim drake and canon tim drake are the same tag it just becomes incredibly annoying sometimes, and I understand why people who like to engage with canon (me, often) become frustrated

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I have definitely had periods where I got incredibly frustrated with fanon! Around 2019, I was wondering if I needed to leave the Batfandom, because it had been so long since I read a new fic where the characters felt 'right'.

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But, if you're willing to, I'd like you to consider what you mean when you divide 'fanon' from 'canon'. Because I struggle to find a hard line between the two, for several reasons:

1. Fandom is transformative. Every fanfic is going to have some interpretation of the source material. The line between what is too much interpretation and what is acceptable is different for every person. For me, I find it can even vary based on writing style or other odd things - lighthearted fic can have more noncanonical stuff in it than heavier fic, and still seem true to canon.

2. 'Canon' is subjective. I do not consider the movies or video games to be 'canon', and it annoys me when things from those creep into the fic I'm reading. (I'm okay with SOME Battinson.) Some aspects of the cartoons are okay. I consider precrisis Jason Todd to be an alternate reality version, but Donna's precrisis origins are more canonical than the dumb retcons. Wayne Family Adventures isn't my main version of the characters, but I'm not bothered if some elements show up in my stories. I'm ignoring most of the nu52, but I like Duke and I'm still watching this new Lian to see what happens. I doubt your divisions are identical to mine.

(Also, some things that I think of as 'fanon' have shown up in nu52 canon! I do not accept them as any more canon because of this.)

3. Most 'fanon' is based on canon. Canon Tim has weird sleep habits. 90s Dick is really lighthearted and joking around some characters in ways similar to fanon. Dick can canonically not be trusted to take care of himself if his mental health gets low enough. Jason likes classical literature. Etc.

These are exaggerated and/or twisted in a lot of fic, but where is the line where they stop being canon? I wouldn't bat an eye at a lot of this stuff, if it didn't show up SO OFTEN.

4. Most 'fanon fans' do know some canon. What line are you going to set where it will be 'enough'. And are they allowed to mention parts of the canon they haven't read yet? Is anyone allowed to talk about Dick's early Robin days, or only the tiny amount of people who have read the golden age stuff? A lot of the 'mistakes' I see are obviously made by people who have read ABOUT canon, but don't know quite how it fits together.

5. 'Canon' is FULL of contradictions. Yes, there are canon events. Yes, there is characterization that is consistent across 3/4s of comics. But. I'm still working on my sidekick timeline. I've devoted days to figuring out ages and passage of time. I've spent over a decade trying to figure out Jason Todd's motivations, and why Tim treats him the way he does. I've read all the 90s and early 2000s CANONICAL character assassination of Jason.

I spent years thinking that Donna's death was almost as foundational as Jason's, only to later discover that I had just happened to read the specific comics that focused on the fallout, and she only stayed dead for a short time. That happens to fans ALL THE TIME! We read a character summarizing an event we haven't directly read, and just accept it as what happened. But characters have biases, and not all writers care about accuracy.

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I've read some Tim Drakes that I consider to be almost entirely 'fanon'. And quite a few that were so scarily 'canon' that I got chills. (Not all of which were similar to each other.) But the vast, vast majority have fallen somewhere in the middle.

I definitely do not want the responsibility of deciding which ones count as 'canon'! And I think I would strongly dislike anyone who tried to decide for me.

Being frustrated is logical, and I empathize. But the original post was about the impossible expectations some fans feel. The expectation to read thousands of comics, synthesize all the contradictions, and come to conclusions that match the 'true fans'. That's a perfectly reasonable thing to be complaining about.

If that's what some fans are experiencing, of course they're not going to want to engage with canon! There's no way for them to succeed, so why should they even try?

When you join THAT conversation to discuss your frustration about fanon, it strengthens that perception. When you call them 'fanon fans' it emphasizes their belief that you don't think they belong. And rather than trying to change, it's more likely that they'll double down. Canon is full of gatekeepers, so they'll avoid it.

[loserchildhotpants]

hii! i just read your mcpricely fic from yee olden days and i LOVED IT so from writer to writer im just wondering if you have any tips on how you make your dialogue so engaging and true to character!! much love xx

the jump scare you have just given me w the first part of that second sentence

i refuse cringe, though. we are cringe and we are free. i just forgot that fic exists and now i am frightened that fic exists still, but if it gave you joy, i am glad!!!

so, dialogue! i'm happy to talk abt my personal process, but always consider that it's just my own, and there are lots of other approaches!

engaging dialogue:

engaging is p subjective, i'm not sure what it is you specifically found engaging, so i can't totally zero in on that, but what i will say is that i consider, as i'm writing, if whether or not i am finding it interesting to write versus interesting to read. those two are not always the same.

sometimes a conversation has to happen for Plot Reasons but is, in general, kind of boring! maybe it's just a vehicle for exposition or something, but there have been times where i've straight up just deleted entire exchanges bc upon re-reading it i was like 'wow, this is boring, i would skip this as a reader' and then brain storming ideas of what could make that conversation more interesting.

a lot of the time, the answer to that is 'if i take this one line of dialogue and just think abt it for a while, what other tangential trains of thought come to mind?' and then i'll find a secondary subject, still tangentially related to the primary subject, that i can spice the dialogue with.

in a recent fic on my other account, i wrote an exchange where i was giving a watsonian explanation for a character's name, but etymology can be kinda boring, and this was clearly me, as the author, trying to make an in-universe explanation as to why this character's name is SO remarkably out of place -- so i cushioned that conversation w conversation abt that character's birth story, giving an opportunity for that character to show through diction and body language how they feel abt their mother, and then, also related, their siblings, and ultimately their father. the characters speaking accomplished what i needed them to; made the universe more detailed/real-feeling, gave a watsonian explanation for a character's objectively out of place name, and in so doing, created a way to provide emotional vulnerability that made the exchange deeper and more emotionally enriching.

and of course, dialogue is as much abt what is said as what is not. when considering a conversation, consider what would be interesting for a character to withhold, why they would withhold it, and what it would take for them to divulge it.

abt staying true to character:

this is also p subjective, it's kind of you to say so, though! i know there is disc horses abt the meme of 'he would not fucking say that' but tbh it's been helpful for me! sometimes i'm writing a repressed character and im so eager for them to be vulnerable and share themselves, i find myself writing stuff that, to put simply, they would not fucking say lol

i know that i speak the way i write and i write the way i speak. my narrative voice is distinct, has a certain rhythm, and syntax, and i don't mind that for narration, but that means i need to go out of my way to make sure i'm making the characters sound like themselves and not like me.

i recommend exercises w characters through written word or text, as in write short fics and drabbles abt characters texting each other, writing letters to one another, or maybe only speaking through a walkie talkie, which minimizes the use of action tags.

as you write those exchanges, you can start to tell when your voice is taking over and when you write a line that's SO that character and you're like 'omg yes i could see that happening on stage/on the show/in the movie/in the game/etc' and over time, it becomes more natural

but capturing a voice is hard, and it'll take a few tries! something else to consider is what you enjoy abt those characters' interactions, and figuring out how to replicate it. like, if you like that between these characters, there is always juicy tension, that means the dialogue probably needs to be pulled back, a lot being Unsaid, more expressed in body language than verbal language, but if something you like abt a different dynamic is that one is a goofy guy and the other is the straight man so to speak, keeping the straight man stoic will probably be the challenge.

this is all i can really think of rn but i'm super happy to talk shop any time :3333 this is was such a sweet ask to get! thank u!! <3

[celestie0]

hiiiiii ellieeeee! I stopped by to say thank you for kickoff! Def one of the best gojo fics I’ve read. I love the way you characterised all our boys, especially Gojo and Geto.

if you don’t mind me asking, do you have any personal headcanons/character background for kickoff geto?? He’s sooooo charming and I’d die for him 😭😭😭😭

AHHH thanks darling you’re so sweet <33 i’m so happy u enjoy kickoff :”) it is my pleasure to share my lil fic w you!!

omg yes i do have another ask in my inbox from an anon that also wanted kickoff geto headcanons and i’ve been saving it for when i can think of some 🤣 i’m planning on writing a spinoff series for him some day so i wanted to give it some serious thought aaa

i can share some notes i’ve thought of so far tho (very loose n subject to change):

1. kickoff geto n gojo have been friends since they’ve basically been in diapers, they know each others families very well n gojo’s mother dotes on him just as much as she dotes on gojo lol. he’s basically a second son to her haha

2. kickoff geto became interested in soccer when gojo’s dad took him n gojo to a pro soccer game once when they were kids (core memory bc they got to skip school to go lol). he wasn’t insanely infatuated w the sport like gojo was but he tagged along in practices n tryouts n stuff then realized he was pretty decent at it

3. lol this is kinda hyper specific to the spinoff series i had in mind, but i can imagine kickoff geto has a loooooot of younger siblings. like i’m talkin maybe he’s the eldest of like six or seven kids. it’s the reason why he’s kinda calm n collected n also pretty observant (i.e. when he told reader to be safe when he saw her going to meet kai) it’s also why he’s not all that alarmed by gojo’s idiocracy at times cuz he’s used to being around toddlers LOL ✋🏼😭 but yea all eldest siblings i know kind of have the personality i’ve given him w sorta the patience n softspoken but vigilant etc so this made sense to me. also he literally raises two kiddos in the show so i see it fitting HAHA

4. i have hc this before but he has almost exclusively dated only sorority girls, and he’s mostly only into sorority girls in general. idk he just finds he can relate to them more and their social circles, i can picture him being kinda exclusive w who he lets into his close group of friends as opposed to kickoff gojo who just wants to know everyone’s entire life history the second he meets them LMFAO but yea, i think my inspo for this hc came from the fact that canon geto only likes/respects sorcerers 💀 i don’t mean to say this as he shuns anyone that isn’t in greek life LOL i just think the ppl that he’d consider his close friends are those that he’s spent a lot of time getting to know at frat/sorority social events

5. he plays defense on the team!! and i think i did hc what his major is before but i forgot 😭…idk let’s just say he’s a psych major that makes sense to me 🤣

LOL damn i wrote a lot more than i thought i would sdfgkkhfd but hopefully this kinda gives more insight to his character!! i’ll def do some official headcanons for him some day :)

[argentumcor]

@paranorahjones tagged me in this. I'm not usually one for this sort of thing but I've been looking at writing-qua-writing to get some stuff in order so I figured I'd do a little navel-gazing (procrastinating).

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Oh goodness. I think my first fanfic was for KotOR back in…before 2008, before I graduated high school. It’s lost to LiveJournal I believe, or FF.net. Several things are. They were fine, as I recall. Written when I was a lot younger for sure. I had to write them, though.

How many fandoms have you written in?

To go by AO3, 30 that I would consider actual separate fandoms. Many of those are one-shots, sometimes just odd ideas I had about something I watched or read or played, things I needed to get out of my head.

How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Must be around 16, though there were several years-long breaks in there. I am a dried-up old woman. You'll never be actually cool until you're over 30, kids, and then you won't even really care, get over it.

Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Frankly, read. I read very fast, I write not as fast, no one writes as fast as I read. For whatever fandom I’m working in, with exceptions, I will read new things and things I liked to help keep me motivated and inspired. As you can see from how many fandoms I’ve written for, I devour new fiction by nature. Verily, I hunger for it.

What is one way you've improved as a writer?

Pacing, pacing, pacing. I write my own stuff under my real name- I will not dox myself, partly paranoia and partly a sense of personal artistic ethics- and fanfiction has been my training wheels especially with pacing. It is the hardest part of fiction to me, something intuitive you have to have a go at until you find the right sense of it.

What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Hmm. I’m not a great barometer for weird. In recent memory, I spent a lot of time walking around every stupid alleyway and cranny of Night City in Cyberpunk 2077. I spend a lot of time feeling around in the guts of the fandoms I write- sometimes that’s really what it feels like you are doing.

What's your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

Hard to pick. It’s really nice when someone gets what you’re doing with structure and theme for longer works, but the people who are just struck plan by something I wrote are very special to me. All my commenters are, really. You guys rock. You know what though? The ones who say things like “oh thank God I found this, it feels like it was written by an adult who cares about the characters as people and not some teenager trying to get off”, I like those ones best because I totally understand.

What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

Hmm. It’s a hard life, being a neo-paleo-counter-reformationist, but somebody’s gotta do it (rosary fics).

What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Crossovers most of the time. I have an X-files/SG-1 crossover I may never come back to because it required me to hold this kind of early aughts sci-fi mentality in my mind for two shows that both sync and do not sync and also isn’t where I, emotionally, am at these days. I don’t like to write crossovers generally because of that kind of thing and, even with reading, most of them are like a food combo only explainable by pregnancy hormones.

What is the easiest type?

Brief character studies where you’re looking at a character’s mindset during events. It’s simple and focused.

What is something that you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I started many moons ago, but never got around to reviving or really doing anything with, a Halo/Firefly crossover based on the end of Halo 3 that would have replaced Serenity. The crew finds some weird, old salvage adrift in the black…also my Firefly continuation since we’re on the subject, another ‘this is where the story is going’. I wonder if those notes are anywhere. No, no, wait, stop…

What made you choose your username?

I liked the sound of it. I’m Silverheart most places and argentumcor on Tumblr because Silverheart was taken so I just put it into Latin because neo-paleo-counter-reformationist and also, importantly, I am lazy.

Huh, I broke the formatting a bit? So it goes. I'll tag @womaninwinter because now she is double-tagged and this amuses me.

[astraystayyh]

hey! okay so i just wanted to start this by saying this is in no way hate towards you and your accomplishments I'm just curious

so my question: how did you get so popular?

like is there anything that you did that just made your fics shoot to the top cause it feels like all of your stuff even the short ones have thousands of notes which is pretty rare

cause I'm a struggling fic writer who wants to know how to get so much engagement 🙏

Helloo my love, I'm sorry it took me so long to answer this, because the truth is I didn't know how to word my response perfectly, but I will try.

I'm so so grateful that my fics get this many notes, truly. when I imagine standing in a room full of 500 people who liked my fic, I sincerely can't wrap my head around this number. it is crazy. I do consider myself lucky, in a way, because even my very first fic got a lot of love and compliments. That is what pushed me to keep writing and posting.

What helped, in the beginning, was that I posted a lot, almost daily, and at least two times a week, even when I was very busy (working on my graduation thesis busy LMAO, the ppl who followed me so long ago would remember how I'd never actually respect my 'hiatus'). I was kind of addicted to feedback, so I churned out content I knew people would enjoy reading- cute scenarios that can't go wrong, in a way, but also major angst that I knew angst enjoyers (like myself) would like. I had many scenarios in mind and found a true respite, and creative outlet, in writing. This ensured in a way that if one fic didn't cater to certain people, the other would surely do. That's how I grew a steady following. Interacting with people, responding to feedback, and just being very active also helped, I think (those are just assumptions I make at the end of the day haha).

However, I was hesitant to answer because this engagement's nature has changed. If you do go to check the likes-to-feedback ratio in all my notes, you'll find that it is way way off. Most of the engagement is actually not feedback. The thousands of notes you do see are mostly empty likes through which I can't know if the person actually liked the fic, if they even read it, or if they simply wished to bookmark it. I've been posting here for almost two years, and I have noticed in this relatively short period that true meaningful engagement, the way it is supposed to be on this app has truly dwindled down. I recognize 95% of the blogs that do leave me comments or tags. Those are all blogs I've interacted with a lot or ones that are my moots or friends. It's very rare to get an actual compliment from a casual reader, someone who just stumbled on your fic, and not someone you've interacted with countless times before.

I'm telling you this so you won't feel discouraged if you don't receive feedback right now. It will take time to build a community, especially with the way Tumblr is right now, but it will happen. when I speak to my friends who have been here for so long about this subject, they too mourn the way this app used to be- a true safe space for conversations and engaging with authors. These days, most readers just leave a like and go on with their days. It hurts when your hard work isn't appreciated, especially when it's a longer fic that has lots of vulnerable snippets of yourself in it. I'm a firm believer that you can't separate the art from the artist, even if you try to. That's why it's disappointing when you expect a better response and then you don't get it.

So, I hope you don't give up on writing. The right people will find your craft and they will love it and they will share that with you. They will be rare but they will be there. It will take time. So, my best advice is to keep writing things that YOU enjoy. Do not try to write things you believe will please the general masses because it will make you miserable on the wrong run. It's easy to fall into the trap of tying notes to your self-worth as an author and a person and I promise you it's very soul-crushing to feel that way. You don't want that. This is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. So, keep writing and writing and writing, and remember why you started writing in the first place.

That is what helps me and will truly help you in the long run <3

[stormxpadme]

Fanfiction Writing Asks

10, 13, 20, 37, 43, 61 (for My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold), 77

Fanfiction Writing Asks

10 - Do you work on multiple wips or stick to one fic at a time?

It depends a little. If I consider my main X-Men verse as a whole, I probably always work on multiple things because there's always something to do with Weathered, be it a translation, a new oneshot or making notes for the second main series Weathered II. This is a long term project continuously interrupted by various independent oneshots that are mostly scogan smutshots with lots of feels right now. I can't really write several stories at once though. A oneshot needs to be finished first before I can start working on something else.

13 - Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

It depends a lot. Lately, I've more put on background noise in the shape of trash TV as that strangely helps soothing the usual anxiety about life and helps focusing on writing, translating etc. If I do listen to music while writing, it needs to be instrumental as lyrics distract me. My go to soundtracks for that are Lord of the Rings, The Man in the Iron Mask and Armageddon

20 - Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics?

Again, I'd say It's Complicated. There's mostly always a few minor AU elements in my stories but they do follow the main canon of the franchise in question. BUT not always the whole part of said franchise when later canon entries don't agree with me. In Star Wars, I only use the first six movies as my canon. In my X-Men verse I famously ignore everything past X2, as the first two movies are a whole different multiverse entry for me, happening outside and before all those timeless messes (and far worse newer movies) happened. I take inspiration and faceclaims from parts of franchises that I otherwise ignore but I do take the liberty of not incorporating what I hate. Such deviations are always noted in the tags and/or story notes, so people know what they're getting into. I also often enjoy changing one comparatively big thingm like the main ships in these first two X-Men movies, but stick to the rest of the canon all the more accurately as this What If is what makes fanfiction fascinating for me, really. What I hardly do is huge AU settings aka historical, no powers, coffee shop AU etc. Those don't really hold an appeal to me.

37 - What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

Again, if I only focus on my current fandom for these questions, that would probably be the non con stuff happening in series part 8 of Weathered I. That's some ugly stuff going on there and as much as I love my hurt/comfort, there's stuff I definitely don't enjoy writing for my characters, even if they have their place in a fic.

43 - Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

I still want to write more and especially smut things for trans!Kitty and Piotr but since as a cisgender person, I'm not deep enough into the subject and don't have personal experience, I'm kinda anxious to try my hand on it.

61 - In My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

While I had lots of fun with weird kid!Laura, I'd still go with the very first chapter since I'm a horror girl through and through, and that whole haunted mansion thing was lots of fun.

77 - Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?

Basically, I can make my favorite barbie dolls kiss, what's not to love? It's all about seeing and reading the stories that canon won't give me.

[walkawaytall]

For the fic ask game you just re-blogged?

7. Your favourite ao3 tag. I have a guess about this one.

8. How slow is a slow burn?

36. How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of?

7. Your favourite ao3 tag

Okay, so...favorite tag because I find the tag itself amusing? Technically, my favorite is a freeform tag I made up: "Hoth Turns The Rogues Into Feral Space Raccoons" and I have dreams that it will someday be a common tag (which I think requires 3 separate users to use it and tag wranglers to think it worthy of such a thing, so, you know, I'll keep dreaming), but as far as more common tags go...I mean, for hilarity's sake, I like all the variations of "no beta we die like __________"; I used to use "no beta we die like Palpatine didn't", which, considering at the time I had never used a beta, all that tag meant was "I probably should have let this sit a night and edited it one more time before posting, but I didn't".

Favorite tag that I actually search to find content? I think some combination of "Hurt/Comfort" and "Pre-Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back"

8. How slow is a slow burn?

Okay, I don't have a set number of words or whatever that define slow burn for me, and, frankly, I think some things that are called "slow burn" are actually just "will they or won't they?" but because they go on for like 100K words, people slap a "slow burn" label on there and call it a day. And I do think of these as two different genres. Like, a slow burn can have "will they or won't they?" elements, I guess, but I don't think that's all there is to it; I think of a slow burn and a gradual build to the relationship that just...takes awhile from the reader's perspective. If the characters both like each other romantically by like...5K in and then a bunch of stuff happens to keep them apart for 40K words...I don't know that I'd consider that a slow burn? It's possible my definitions aren't quite on-point; I don't know.

I feel like I just went on my slow burn rant instead of answering the question, but I don't have a set length. I think of a slow burn as a multi-part story and I think the ones I've read have all been over 100K words, but I think it's really less about word count and more about how long the relationship takes to come to fruition within the story and how the relationship comes to fruition as well -- whether it's done gradually or not, etc.

36. How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of?

All of my fic and chapter titles except for two (Speak Louder and The Short Stick) have come directly from the text of the fics in some way (technically I guess Reconstitution contains the word "reconstituted", but close enough). I usually know as soon as I write whatever the phrase is that it's going to be the title -- my brain just goes, "Hey, that's good and describes the story well enough" and whatever it is becomes the title. Though with chapter titles, it isn't uncommon for me to be skimming the text of the chapter to find a suitable title after I've already pasted everything into AO3 (but before actually submitting it); I'm not generally as worried about those (this 100% happened with this most recent chapter of Purpose of Heritage, "Open Communication". I had no strong feelings about what the title should be and just picked something from the text that seemed thematically on-point). And, with Collateral, I had the title before I actually wrote the scene where the word was used, but I had the dialogue in my head from the beginning.

The title I'm most proud of...probably Reconstitution because that one has layers, but I also really like chapter two of Collateral, which is titled "They Like Me Tragic" and is taken from something a very drunk and very despondent Leia says a few months post-Yavin. Also, I just like Confirmed by Sources Close to the Subject. It's kinda long but it's fun and it works on a couple of levels in that story and I like it.

Thank you for asking!

Yet another writing ask

[aranarumei]

hi kiri I intend to make you type so many words. for our ask game I’m starting with xicheng because I have my share of opinions

ask me about a ship and I'll give my opinions + classify them as does / doesn't make sense, does / doesn't compel me oh boy. my askbox has never been this full you guys…! really fun all of you tho. some I’ve got thoughts on some I haven’t really considered etc. and very impressively: no dupes!

also. words have been written. to the point that I’m putting this under a readmore lmao. up top apology for the incoherence i do just ramble

sooo xicheng. until recently I did not know the ao3 stats for this ship were. that big? don't feel like dangling the classification like bait so I'll start by saying: doesn’t make sense, doesn't compel me. now I will take way too many words to explain exactly why I feel that way!

as a person I am first and foremost a jiang cheng x happiness shipper. kind of. I never want it to be easy for him. because I’m kind of a bastard. so I've actually read a bit of fic with jc in a few different ships, some of which have been xicheng. and there's like, a few of those fics that have portrayed as aspect of jiang cheng like... so sensitively and in a way that made me Feel Things. so I'll always love them for that. my issue is that I just feel like... in the case of these, lan xichen could often be anyone for me. i read mdzs like... pre-untamed, and lan xichen's like... idk. I liked his role in the story but he didn't super compel me? so some of my issues with xicheng stem from the fact that I've simply never thought about lan xichen that much, and I'm not really invested in exploring his character. I think they could have some compelling things because they have a variety of things on their ends that don't get fully resolved, by pure virtue of 1) existing in mdzs 2) being side characters. also if jiang cheng's visiting gusu lan it puts him in proximity of wei wuxian which does promise for interesting interactions. what sours me on xicheng is... like I've said, I think some fics can make it work enough for me. but I feel like a large motivator of the fic is just... "oh look, wei wuxian's got a brother, and so does lan wangji! let's ship them!" even though they're totally different people? and as a consequence these two tend to get sanded down into often reductive portrayals. lot of pair the spares energy.

also kind of on the subject... I think I just don't really like.... ships with jiang cheng? in general? well my tolerance actually varies but I think especially when they take place post-canon (which the xicheng I've read often does) it doesn't sit right with me. I think it’s because jiang cheng’s not in… dire straits post-canon, but he’s not really happy. like he got told about the golden core thing but he’s unable to say the thing back about why he ran off like that in the first place. and I don’t like post-canon ships where it’s like. oh… jiang cheng, you poor thing. you shall be fixed by love. so I think I’m softer on ships that deal with things that happen before everything goes to shit for this reason. like I’ve not watched a lot of the show, but him and wen qing could be fun especially since that makes the golden core thing way more fucked up. with sangcheng they were like. friends in canon and stuff and then it seems they’ve gotten more distant. with zhancheng I mean like. there’s that tension and those years where wei wuxian wasn’t around and they were carrying their separate griefs. but with xicheng I feel like they don’t have anything super interesting in canon, which makes their outsized popularity a bit startling to me.

this is like. deeply personal and is kind of petty but. as someone who has wandered into the jiang cheng tags a couple times. man. people really hate that guy. and also hate people who like him. at least the couple times I looked there was just a lot of stuff arguing about like. oh jiang cheng sucks actually he’s the worst and all his fans are delusional for liking him and they’re ignoring his Crimes. he’s a uniquely selfish character who is unable to express or feel love. I’m not saying this is everyone, it’s just… the vibe I got from quite a few posts. this was also years ago. maybe things are calmer. I’m definitely biased because jiang cheng has always been my favorite character, so of course I love him. but this isn’t a defense post of him. either you like him or you don’t. just don’t bother me. anyways, the thing about “love” has always stuck with me, because I think that jiang cheng so obviously expresses love. like… the entire way he feels about wei wuxian! that’s his brother! idk. if you can’t see that you’ve lost me. now do I think jiang cheng communicates any of his feelings well ever No.

but about the love thing. when I read romantic fics involving jiang cheng post-canon, intentionally or not, a lot of what I read had this angle of almost like… look how capable of love jiang cheng is. and I’m like. well jiang cheng already loves people. it may not have gone perfectly or been so beautiful but that doesn’t make it non-existent. if he loves selfishly or awkwardly or without communicating it, it doesn’t mean that the love doesn’t exist. I think I’m stumbling into incoherence here… but my favorite headcanon for jiang cheng is probably one where he’s aromantic and asexual, because to me it affirms this feeling of like. romantic love is not some kind of absolution. and the “love” that he feels isn’t any lesser than whatever romance is going around. many different ways to be aroace ofc but this is how I see it for him. a lot of this is probably also influenced by the fact that I’m writing a fic with aroace jiang cheng at this present moment haha. as you might imagine, having this headcanon means that I tend to be neutral on most jiang cheng ships! I think to really grab me you’d have to make it interesting on the other end, so the character’s not just a sounding board for jiang cheng’s issues and vice versa, which sort of sums up my problems with xicheng. even the xicheng fics I read and liked were like… great, I’m glad you’re treating these two like real characters and not wangxian to the left. however a lot of this fic is just like. wow jiang cheng / lan xichen you’ve had it hard. Here’s a character who will comfort you and support you. and that’s nice in a way, but not compelling as a ship, yknow? so that’s the sum up of my thoughts. I’m on the scale of neutral-dislike, but if there’s a particularly good portrayal of jiang cheng I’d probably read it.

[aelaer]

I'm probably clogging your inbox with this but, ✨💘🎈 for the ask game? :))

Never clogging! I wouldn't do the ask game stuff if I didn't enjoy replying to it :)

✨ What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

I've bemoaned in the past about how IronStrange fics get significantly more views/kudos compared to gen fics with the same characters, and that's the same story for my fics. The two fics marked "IronStrange" are at the top of my kudos/hits list (with the two crossovers rounding up the top 4), and I used to be a little bitter about that. I accept it better these days, though I do think folks who enjoy IronStrange should also toss more bones to writers who use the Stephen Strange & Tony Stark tag alone, and should rec gen fics in those collections, even if it's a separate category.

But because of this trend, it means that the work I'm most proud of, my Earth-197320 series, gets a lot less traffic than my IronStrange pieces. At this point, though, I am happy that there are still some out there who read gen fic. It'd be super awesome if it was more of a 50/50 split with Stephen fans, but that I have anything resembling an audience does make me luckier than some newer writers because the MCU is not as popular as it was in 2019, when I published a significant amount of my work and got my name out there. (I myself haven't read fanfic since February, so I need to get back into it. Part of why I haven't is that trying to find new gen fic starring Stephen is so difficult and discouraging).

💘 Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

Yes, but not in the MCU! I have a large collection of ollllld one-shots that I did as a teenager surrounding book!Aragorn from LOTR. They're still up on older archives, but rewriting them would be fun. I did a couple that are up on AO3, but my LOTR muse simply hasn't returned. And there are fics I'd like to get done for the MCU first.

🎈 Describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? Does it change?

This is a pretty difficult question if you really think about it. I ended up going down a rabbit hole and read this fascinating article about creative writing and style and tried to see where I fit into it.

I know I don't follow all the rules of concise writing, especially with use of adverbs, because I think "said wryly" is a justified use of an adverb if it can be read as straight-forward *or* wry. I'm not sure what an editor would do with my work if I presented it to them, but considering that Ready Player One and 50 Shades of Grey's terrible prose was published without issue, I'm not too fussed about my use of adverbs.

I really enjoy deep dives into the character's psyche, but I always write from a limited POV of usually one or two characters, so we get a limited view of the psyche in general, at least in one chapter. I'm not terribly fond of the omnipotent POV and only wrote it in a comedy, which used it quite well.

I will say it can change depending on the needs of the story, at least a bit. For instance, I usually have a limited third person POV, but I have written in first person and I've written third person omnipotent. I have some description to help set a scene, but scenery is not my forte and it's something I actively have to put my brain power towards to get it done. My most descriptive piece by far was the one from Sherlock's POV due to his very observant mind, and that was a pretty challenging piece.

The narrative of telling the story is a huge part of my writing, but I like to see character growth throughout it, if possible. It depends on the length of the piece.

I think that's enough rambling on this subject, hah.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

6, 10, 15 for the fic writer ask!!

thank you <3

fanfic writer ask game!!

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

Unfortunately, no.

I don't actually read fanfiction a lot because pretty much all of my waking moments are filled with writing fics, and when I'm not writing fics I'm watching youtube videos or doing something else.

And during the small slice of time when I actually read fanfiction - which is maybe a dedicated two hours a month - I seek out new fics to read. Usually 90 minutes of those two hours is spent searching AO3 looking for what I want. Every time I sit down to read fanfiction, I usually only end up reading one or two before I have to go to sleep. I have over 400 bookmarks on AO3 and I probably haven't looked at most of them since I made them.

But I think that this is good? Because if I'm spending more time working on my own fics rather than reading fics, then the people who like reading my stuff ultimately benefit.

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

I could go on a whole rant about [REDACTED] but I won't, instead - I'll throw it back to a fic that you guys have probably never heard of.

Drowning In You (Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader) is my most popular fic on AO3 by kudos and hits, and it still blows my fucking mind that this fic got as popular as it did.

To me, this is a perfect example of 'striking while the iron is hot' and a fic blowing up not because of it's quality, but because of the perfect weather conditions for it to happen - the character being new and popular and being spotlightted so fucking brightly because of their current popularity (S3 of Stranger Things had just come out and everyone was losing their minds over Billy in his fucking swim trunks), I posted it during the perfect fucking window after the show had come out when the hype was still fresh, and a lot of people weren't writing as much for Billy because they were afraid of the negative connotations around his character - yet, so many people were still thirsty for content of him. So me posting this fic was like feeding a bunch of feral dogs a steak.

This fic is not of a higher quality than any of my other fics. In fact, my writing has improved a lot since I wrote and posted that fic, and it is on the lower end of quality in terms of everything I have ever written. If I were to approach the same subject matter today, I would write it a lot differently, and I'd write it a lot better.

But it's my most popular fic because the fandom was huge and bustling after the release of the show and the character was instantly popular - and it probably still gets residual hits and kudos if people are looking for stuff on the Billy x Reader tag and sorting by most popular.

So I was not expecting it to be my most popular fic because to me - it's a very average possibly even mediocre run-of-the-mill fic. I would have never considered it to be my best fic. I just happened to post it at a time when it was able to blow up.

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

Anybody who has followed me for a while knows this already - SONGS, BAABEYYY

90% of my fics are named after a song. If I do a multi-chap fic, then it will be named after a song and the chapters will be named after songs in the same album or named after snippets of lyrics. I love picking a song that goes well with the theme of a fic and just naming a fic after that song. It is very, very, very rare that I don't name a fic after a song.

Whenever it's time to title a fic, I will go to spotify looking for inspiration.

[jackienautism]

hi again!!! no worries about taking time with my asks, they are very long i totally get it!! rereading my last ask i realize there were a handful of times where i just. left out complete parts of sentences LMAO whoops. that will happen when you are typing and watching someone play a game at the same time.

anyway i finished my vw playthrough yesterday! my brother is almost done with his playthrough as well. he ended up siding with edie :) he also decided to buy his own switch so he can play on his own LMAO.

hmmm.. thinking about the fics i've read (since i hit part two on my deer playthrough i was playing more and reading fic less lol). immediately after playing i was like hm. this is great territory for time travel and time loop related fanfiction given the whole. divine pulse plus new game + mechanic. i'm sure there's interesting stuff related to this. and i was right. then i think i looked through some edelgard related tags, and then some marianne related tags? i was mostly sticking to one-shots and like. mid-length multichapter fics, and sending the really long ones to my read later list lol. saving those for when i finish at least the three lord's routes.

as for art, i was mostly just searching a character or dynamic i liked on here and going from there LOL.

yeahhhh. ingrid and felix's paired ending isn't Bad or anything but like after the b support i just. don't like the idea of them ending up together lol. and meanwhile any ending where ingrid has children bothers me? so. absolutely not to the sylvain ingrid paired ending. and honestly i kind of hate the whole.... 'oh she's always cleaning up his messes' thing that their c support (and other general interactions) suggest. like i do like sylvain but i am Not subjecting ingrid to him LMFAO.

i ended up reading some bernie/edelgard fanfiction and Really liking their dynamic in that which is. funny considering i've never seen their a support LMAO. as for dorothea and edie, i've seen their a support now thanks to my brother's playthrough!! they're sooo good. i think you're right about marianne supports with girls outside the deer?? which is annoying. let marianne interact with more girls she deserves it. and YEAH i did end up seeing the marianne lysithea supports and like. they're fine! but man there were so many interesting directions they could've taken those two and they just. didn't. very unremarkable supports imo which sucks extra because they could've been so good!

i got mercedes and annette to b support! so they had their fight and then the next time they see each other they are facing each other on the battlefield. which was very fun. i loveeeed creating scenarios like that caspar killing linhardt was also so :((( i was gonna have sylvain kill felix but he failed so bad annette had to kill felix too LMAO. and i had dorothea kill ferdinand which is :( and. for edie i had petra, claude and byleth all land at least one hit on her for maximum interesting dialogue.

i love how last ask i was like 'sylvain is going to end up alone because i can only pair him with byleth or dorothea and i'm not pairing him with dorothea again, and im either pairing byleth with claude or dorothea' and then i ended up. s supporting sylvain. idk what it was about claude.... i absolutely loved him as a character, but i was not feeling the romance at allll. like that's my dear friend claude.. as for dorothea, i was thinking that i probably want to s support her if i ever go for silver snow, because i think the idea of byleth and dorothea who both like. still really care about edelgard and maybe even regret their decision to side against her in a split second but hey it's too late to turn back now, right! getting together is just. so. there's sometihng about it. will i ever actually bring myself to play silver snow?? maybe.. i think if i dont let myself s support dorothea until i do, though, i'm more likely to play it, and i do want to see all the routes.. i also really wanted to see the dorothea petra paired ending.

i ended up with completely different paired endings than i initially anticipated, which i ended up really liking! aside from sylvain and byleth, and obviously petra and dorothea, i also got claude and hilda, which. LOVED their a support. i am an absolute sucker for characters who are both wearing masks of sorts calling each other on it.... also got marianne and ashe which was really sweet :) caspar and annette as well, which, again, i really liked and thought was sweet. i also ended up with leonie and shamir, which was good as well. honestly maybe one of the best endings for leonie, who i ended up getting more attached to than i expected during my playthrough. OH and ignatz and raphael, whose supports started strong but like.. his sister? ignatz marries his sister? okay. i wasn't aware i was doing the supports for ignatz and raphael's sister but. whatever. like i don't mind it, i wasn't particularly attached to them like. ending up together? but it felt like a cop out from making them romantic honestly.

circling back but MAN dorothea and petra's a support and paired ending.... i love them they're sooo good. dorothea is sooo special to me i love when she gets to be happy...... she deserves it!!

i ended up REALLY liking annette, way more than i expected to lol. very excited for the lions to see her sylvain and mercedes specifically. i thinkk i'm gonna recruit marianne again, since like. why wouldn't i recruit marianne. dorothea as well because. well. it's dorothea and i love her. i'm probably gonna recruit bernie because i didn't last time, and maybe ferdinand as well? i could get caspar since i hear he's got a paralogue with mercedes but, as much as i like caspar, i want to recruit some different people this time around and i'm already set on getting dorothea again lol.

i'll probably get leonie as well, and then either raphael or hilda? haven't decided yet. i like hilda, but i think my first real character defining experience with her being her literally dying for claude in CF (before i used divine pulse to prevent that lol) has like. solidified and defined my interpretation of her and i don't feel right recruiting her away from the deer. soooo funny to me that hilda 'i would never die for my friends' goneril is now stuck in this role in all of my subsequent playthroughs. i don't even know if you fight her in the lions route but i'm still not pulling her away from the deer and claude. sorry girl.

i like avoided using lorenz like the PLAGUE because well. i didn't have to use him. and i really didn't want to accidentally get a paired ending with him LOL. idk i feel like his whole lack of respect for claude was reallyyyy grating especially after a certain point. and the fact that the byleth c support is you going 'hey lorenz stop being weird to women??' idk. like i'm sure there's Something interesting there but i didn't care enough to look for it honestly he just has too many unlikable qualities and not enough charm or interesting stuff to make up for it. to me.

OH IGNATZ AND MARIANNE..... i loved their supports actually. they were so good. i keep forgetting about them and then remembering all of a sudden and going. oh those were good. the claude and petra supports were also good, as were annette and claude's! and i didn't see all of annette and ashe's, but they were sweet too. hmmm sylvain and marianne's b support was surprisingly good, as was his b support with hilda (once again. characters wearing metaphorical masks is sooo interesting to me and i love when they interact..). claude and marianne's were SO good i loved them. i love how marianne is in the ending tapestry/mosaic thing for VW too, especially considering the ending of their supports! leonie and claude's were good, marianne and hilda's were pretty sweet, and so were ashe and caspar's..... man i'm trying to think of what other ones i got. i want to like.. say how i feel about all of these but i don't want to spoil any you haven't gotten yet so! i think i'll just leave it there.

anyway! excited for the blions route! gonna go play with my brother again lol so he can finish CF and start his own playthroughs on his new switch, and so i can move onto the lions! as much as i love the other houses, going through this game twice i Have noticed that a lot of the early game stuff skews towards having the lions be plot relevant, and the themes and connections between the lions just seem. really deliberately woven if that makes sense. so i'm looking forward to seeing it all play out! i think before i play silver snow i'd have to do another CF route tho bc i can only go so long supporting the church before i feel the urge to not do that LMAO. anyway i hope you're doing well!!! have a good day/week, it's always nice talking with you and hearing your thoughts :)

HIII thank you so much for understanding! its very much appreciated :] and fdkndg no worries man, im pretty sure i understood what you were saying and all. but yeah that prob is gonna happen when youre watching someone else play at the same time, so no worries!

OHH GOOOD. GLAD HE SIDED W/ EDIE AFTER ALL YIPPEEE but i suppose that was assumed right? glad it came true!!! and CONGRATS ON FINISHING YOUR VERDANT WIND PLAYTHROUGH!!!!! you play fast fdgndfg took me a good like 2 years to finally get back to it and finish it 😭 good for you! glad youre enjoying everything!

and yeah that makes sense ! glad that the game had you that hooked and stuff (eyeballs) but yeah it sucks that its between either playing or engaging w/ content... and that can be a difficult thing to decide sometimes jdfgfd YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABT THE TIME LOOP / TIME TRAVEL POTENTIAL!!!!! AND SPEAKING OF THAT? HAVE YOU SEEN AN EAGLE AMONG LIONS? ITS GOOOOD. its like 80+ chapters BUT ITS SOOO GOOD. i myself am only like ? not even a quarter of the way through but it plays on different timelines and time travel and stuff. and it has a HUGE focus on edelgard. def couldnt recommend it enough. makes sesne that you stuck w/ the shorter ones though... since it does get time consuming. any ones you read that you recommend :o? glad youve found a bunch of good ones regarding that concept though

AND NICE. MAKES SENSE. it just sucks that sometimes if th edynamic isnt very popular it gets difficult tofind stuff</3 esp art stuff. like. for example. i wanted to find som e marianne and lysithea stuff. and not even like romantically. i just want to see them together. and i couldnt find any art but i DID find a few fics but </3 sometimes i just wnat Them you know? and they were often accompanied by several other characters / dynamics. there were 2 that i rly liked though

I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT INGRID HAS ENDINGS WHERE SHE HAS CHILDREN!!!!!! IS THE GAME DAFT? IS THAT /NOT/ WHAT THEY ESTABLISHED AS SOMETHING SHES AFRAID OF? gosh dfkgnfdg jesus christ. and no youre sooo right abt the whole sylvain and ingrid dynamic. like. of course its funny to a degree and ingrid doesnt have to place all that onto herself but............ i think both the game and the fandom play it up a bit too much. but yeah fdgjdfg i totally understand why you wouldnt pair her w/ either felix or sylvain

OOOO i know bernie and edie is ? sort of popular? so im happy that youve enjoyed their dynamic, i still need to go through their supports myself</3 AND YIPPPEE glad you enjoy edie and dorothea together and that you liked their A support<3 yeah ): i like just didnt remember seeing marianne have supports w/ any girls outside the golden deer... which SUCKS bc 2 out of the 3 she only goes up to B. SHE DOES DESERVE IT!!!!!! and like. ive thouhgt abt this before but..... dorothea and marianne........ they both have themselves in their dislikes section........ thoughts in my brain. AND FOR REAL !!!! ABT LYSITHEA AND MARIANNE. THEY COULDVE DONE SOOO MUCH MORE AND YET THEY DIDNT ): and not only that, they dont even have a post timeskip one ?? which i feel they TOTALLY deserve. esp since lysithea's whole thing was like. enjoy lfie while you can! look at the positive! and then she DOES post timeskip! i dont knooow they couldve so much, like you said

and ah okay! i guess i shouldve assumed that you were referring to mercie and annette, just based on their supports and all. but thank you! but also. BOOOO. i get wanting to create a scenario like that but 😭😭😭😭 the sheer POTENTIAL of something like that though is SOOO good. i assume mercedes was w/ dimitri during that one battle where all 3 armies clashed on gronder field? i haven't gotten caspar and linhardt's special dialogue on the battlefield.... and i probably never will TBH. THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME LMAO w/ sylvain and felix. atleast in my CF run. i got their special dialogue and then sylvain was GONNA kill him but felix's pavise or some shit activated and ALMOST KILLED HIM RIGHT BACK!!!!! it was very unfortunate. glad annette was able to cover for him i guess though 😭 /AND/ YOU HAD DOROTHEA KILL FERDIE???? GODDAMN...... you are very strong my friend. getting special dialogue is fun but at the same time </////3 it makes me Hurt. does petra and edie have special dialogue together? i didnt realize that :o

OHHHH YOU ENDED UP S SUPPORTING SYLVAIN???????? THATS CERTAINLY A SHOCK FGNJDFGF i thinki believe ive seen your account? you hva e a bi sylvain icon right? if youre not comfortable w/ me saying that just lmk and ill remove it asap. BUT GOOD FOR YOUUUU FKNGFGDF I CERTAINLY WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT LMAO. and yeah i feel that for claude and byleth. i honestly cant say anything bc i had no intentions of S supporting him to begin with but. yeah. WHEN HE CHANGES FROM "TEACH" TO "MY FRIEND"...... I THINK THATS SO CUTE THOUGH. and ouuugh the potential of silver snow byleth / dorothea.... i like that concept a whole lot. i think you def should do that if you go down that route. but at the same time. are you even able to keep any of the black eagles in your class during that route? or does edie turn against ALL of them? i have yet to play so i dont knooow. nbut the potential scares me. since going against edie after gaining her trust is one thing, but to have to go against the WHOLE CLASS? very sad. but no ytoure absolutely right... i think theyd have a particular bond after going agsinst edelgard, and i think that may increase their relationship and all. they get to revel in that guilt together!!!! mmm, using dorothea as a reason to play it is dfngdfgk it gives you incentive you know? and i believe thats needed as a route like SS

yeah!!! claude and hilda's A support was very good... makes sense why theyre so drawn together and all. because, like you said, its interesting how characters who tend to put up a mask themself also tend to see through someone else's, especially if its a close friend. ooo didnt realize marianne could A support w/ ashe! or annette w/ caspar! thats very interesting. i knew abt leonie and shamir, i dont quite understand Why yet (since i have yet to see them) but. i suppose it makes some sense considering that shamir is sort of a mercenary? it was something like that right? i forgor. glad to hear that thats one of the best endings for leonie! i literally just recently finished VW and i already forget who leonie ended up w/ oops. andd getting attached to her is epic as well, bc i just couldnt get myself to tbh. ofc i like her and alll, but i just. eh. you know? I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHO IGNATZ AND RAPHAEL ENDED UP WITH!!!!! NO WAIT I DO. NVM. anyway. i had no idea thats who their (ignatz and raphael) ending plays out?????? thats so :/ i get not everything ahs to be romantic but come OOOOON.... ESP SINCE WE DONT EVEN GET TO SEE RAPH'S SISTER??????? LIKE 😭😭😭 gosh. thats so annoyingg. but no youre right, them adding in maya like that is such just ..... like you said, a cop out. and it sucks. not all the endings are specifically romantic, like raph and lysitheas for example iirc, but CMON !!!!!!!!

RIIIIIIGHT....... in my playthroughs i tend to only get the supports of the characters in my house (as i also tend to use only those characters and maybe 1 or 2 recruits) but MAN. FOR MY AZURE MOON ONE I JUST CANT LET DOROTHEA BE ALONE...... SO IM GONNA GET HER TO A SUPPORT W/ PETRA AGAIN......... she deserves to be happy andd knowing that she has the potential to be alone makes my heart hurt.

annette is a real sweetheart. and i love her little songs dfkgndf and ofc her relationship w/ mercedes is real nice. BUT YEAAAAH GOOD RECRUITS AS USUAL.... im only on like the first chapter of the timeskip actuallly dkfgndg i havent played azure moon in a bit, i rly need to change tha.t. i actually havent played the game at ALL in a little bit, for reasons i wont get into, which sucks but </3 gonna try and get into the groove again soon. dont blame you for wanting to get different people, and yeah caspar and mercedes do have a paralogue together! it has to do w/ the death knight iirc. anyone you plan to recruit in place of caspar? or are you just gonna wing it?

OH guess the next paragraph answered my question mb. BUT OOOO HILDA... THATS VERY INTERESTING TO THINK ABT..... i totally forgot that she was like that in terms of dying and stuff... unless i just misse dhtat entirely? and i cant remember her dying quote / special interaction w/ marianne or byleth rip. BUT YEAH. I CAN DEF SEE HWY YOU DONT WANNA SEPARATE HER FROM THE DEER / CLAUDE..... they both already go soooo well together.... so i totally get it. aside from hilda literally dying for claude after saying she wouldnt ddo such things for them, what was your other character defining moments for her? if any?

LMAO LORENZ..... i like. gosh. i dont blame you at AALLLLL. his first impression is just so bad and ugly and..... iugh. i went through all his supports w/ the golden deer (except for claude's. i missed out on it. which. im not too disappointed abt LOL i can imagine he goes through some growth hopefully nbut i cant rly say that he truly does) and yeah... he has some redeeming qualities. like. hes a very caring and nice guy beneath it all. but you're right. his distrust in claude is so just annoying and UGLY if you really get down to it. /I/ dont like him either but going throuhg his supports w/ the deer made me appreciate him a littl emore? not by much though. i still think hes annoying. and honestly i dont even remember his A support w/ byleth LOL which probably means it wasnt that memorable. but yeah i dont blame you for avoidinig him at all costs lmao hes a really unlikable character imo lol. and as youve siad, his whole thing w/ claude rly puts me off

YESSSS IGNATZ AND MARIANNE'S SUPPORTS WERE SO SWEET.... I ESP LOVED WHNE HE SAW THE SUNSET AND THOUGHT TO HIMSELF "OH, MARIANNE WOULD LOVE THIS" THATS SO NICE AND CUUUUTE 😭😭 OOO i dind realize annette had supports w/ claude... interesting. i think i stilll need ashe and annette's A support but they were so fun dfngdfg esp them getting Scared together and stuff. i dont rly care abt sylvain very much but i do enjoy most of his supports. rly shows a different side of him, which made me realize just how strong of a character he is. character wise, i mean. but yeah! OHHHH CLAUDE AND MARIANNE'S WERE SOOO GOOD.... I ESP LOVED THEIR A SUPPORT AND HOW HE GAVE THAT STORY ABT HIMSELF AND ALL..... TO RELATE TO MARIANNE AND HER STRUGGLES W/ BURDENS AND SUCH...... i also got their ending (out of pure chance which i was VERY happy about)AND OHH YEAH, SO THAT WAS MARIANNE ON THE END ART HUH? i mauyube thought she was there just because of my game getting their ending but fkgnfg THATS SO CUTE !!!!!! I LOVE U MARIANNE . i vaguely remember leonie and claude's which sucks, ill prob have to go throuhg them all again separately since i just BINGED most of them during the end of my playthrough. marianne and hildas were good too.... i thought it was so cute how hilda got her to laugh so hard during their A support )): and i still need to get ashe and caspar's! and thank you for not wanting to spoil stuff for ): that's very nice of you, feel free to talk abt the ones in specific you rly liked! its ok if i havent gotten them before :] ill def just go through them again regardless! but, just so you know, ive gotten all the golden deer's supports w/ each other. excluding lorenz and claude. and pretty much all of the blue lions' supports w/ each other, i have just a few left

HAVE FUN W/ THE LIONS ROUTE!!!!! youre def right to say that white clouds is very heavily biased towards the blue lions... esp narrative wise... you'll. def see what i mean. even more so than the obvious. i wont say much but it regards edelgard. but yeah! like. sylvain and miklan... mercedes and the death knight... i swear there was more but my mind is drawing a bblank rn. OH aand ashe and lonato. imo it was clear that azure moon was meant to be the Bulk of this game. like. you were meant ot play this route and that's it. you're absolutely right abt it seeming deliberately woven. they rly dont try to hide the bias lol which isnt a bad thing ofc but. just seeing how much the fandom is prone to hate edie...... i blame the game's targeted narrative for that. AND I FEEL THAT L,MAO. being on the church's side is so just... it pisses me OOOFF tbh. i can only take so much of that. so i def agree that you plau CF again before doing SS or another one fkndgffg

HOPE YOUREDOING WELL TOO !!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY / NIGHT AS WEELLLLL. and hehe thank youu..... im glad you enjoy reading my thoughts, bc i feel the same about yours!!!! :D

[whataperfectwasteoftime]

All the Time in the World

Pairing: Marcus Pike x f!reader

Rating: E (SMUT, 18+ only)

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: body insecurities, internalized shame around sex and orgasms, use of vibrators, oral sex, fingering, PIV sex (unprotected, but let’s pretend they had that talk “offscreen” because they’ve been together for 2 months), Marcus Pike being the Absolute Fucking Most(™) 

Summary: You’ve never been able to climax without the aid of a vibrator. Due to your insecurities and internalized shame, you rarely involve any toys during sex with a partner, and have been “faking it” for years. You and your new boyfriend, Marcus Pike, have been taking your relationship very slowly–building up a beautiful connection without ever having seen each others’ bedrooms. Two months in, neither of you can wait any longer. How will Marcus react when he discovers the thing you consider to be your deepest, darkest secret?

A/N: I know I said that this was on the back-burner until my OTHER Marcus stuff was completed, but then I got such lovely (and heartbreaking) responses to a snippet of this WIP that I picked it up again and couldn’t. stop. writing. This fic wouldn’t exist without @ezrasbirdie ‘s Going Slow, which is the only other fic I’ve read out there that deals with sexual dysfunction, and I can’t post this without acknowledging that her fic really paved the way and made me want to write about MY experiences, however personal, vulnerable, or “unsexy” they might be. It’s really fun to read (and write) about people with clitorises who can have multiple orgasms in one session, by intercourse alone, or by their partner just touching their clit, like, one time. This is not always the case in real life, a fact that is not well-represented in fic despite being very common. I think we should acknowledge that sex and pleasure can and do look different for everyone and can still be fun and sexy to read about. This is the fic I always wanted to write with Marcus Pike. I mentioned in the tags when I posted a snippet of this fic that the reason I write sooooo many Marcus fics is because I’ve kind of made this man an outlet for my trauma around this exact subject. When you’re too insecure or ashamed to prioritize your pleasure, sex can be fraught, even painful. If you’re reading this fic and think, “Hey, that’s me!” please know that you are NOT alone, it’s TOTALLY normal, and you deserve a partner who encourages and prioritizes your pleasure.

Additional thank you's to @leslie-lyman for reading this over and being so lovely and encouraging in the DMs, and to @katareyoudrilling for letting me bare my heart and soul to a stranger on the internet, as one does. I love you both.

Main Masterlist

"Do you wanna come up?"

Those words are always laced with meaning, but with your new relationship, they seem even more significant. 

It was no secret that your new boyfriend, Marcus Pike, has had a rough go of things before you started dating. And really, so have you–hence why both of you insisted on taking this fledgling relationship very slowly. It has been two months–two incredible, happy months–since your first date, and the two of you have developed a beautiful connection over dinners, walks, movies, lunch dates, even baseball games, without ever having seen each others’ bedrooms.

You know that you’re falling for him. How can you not? Marcus is considerate and kind, with a secret goofy side that you know he usually tries to hide. It seems as if his arms are meant for cuddling, and he’s generous with his affection, even though the two of you had agreed to keep things chaste until both of you are ready. He doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations, and he’s been forthright about his past hangups and flaws. It’s refreshing, and the fact that he’s so damn earnest makes you want him even more.

The minute those five little words escape your lips, Marcus’s gaze turns to full-blown lust. It’s been really important, really meaningful, to wait–but both of you are at the peak of sexual frustration, and you both know it. 

It doesn’t help that Marcus is absolutely gorgeous, with those deep eyes, artfully mussed hair, broad chest and deliciously soft tummy. You and your vibrator have become very close over the last two months, when you would come home after yet another wonderful date staring at his full lips and feeling his large hand at the small of your back, or holding yours as you walked.

One of those hands comes up now to brush the backs of his fingers across your cheek. “Are you sure?” he asks quietly.

“Absolutely,” you answer breathlessly, the word more air than speech. 

Marcus leans in close, a small smile on his face as he stops just short of your lips. “Lead the way, then,” he murmurs. You push down a pang of anxiety. You like him so much, want this night to be perfect, but you know better than to assume your body will cooperate. You wonder if he’ll mind if you… if you don’t…

Marcus’s hands travel as you ride the elevator up to your floor–the touches growing bolder, more blatantly sexual than they’d ever been before. He pulls your back flush to his front as the floors tick up, kissing a gentle path down the side of your neck as his fingers scrape over your hipbones and down, his hand resting just above your mound like a promise.

You waste no time when you finally open the door to your apartment–kicking it closed and then grabbing Marcus’s face and pulling it towards yours for a desperate, longing kiss. He makes a surprised little sound and returns your passion in kind, crushing you to him with an intensity you’d never felt from the man.

“C’mere,” you mumble hastily when you come up for air, and you pull him along until you’re stepping into your bedroom. The rush to take each others’ clothes off is more than a little frantic–both of you practically ravenous after so much time spent longing for one another. Shirts and pants are discarded haphazardly in your rush to feel skin against skin. You move to the bed in a tumble of bodies. Marcus is loud–groaning in your ear as he palms your ass and grinds his hips against you.

“Wanted–fuck–wanted this for so long, baby,” he says into your neck. “Been… been wanting to feel your skin against mine, be able to touch you…” he trails off as he starts to move down your body, kissing and nipping with enthusiasm. 

“Better than I ever imagined,” Marcus murmured, as he brushes his lips softly–the barest of touches–against your clit, making you whimper softly. 

He starts out so gently, licking you as if he’s simply exploring the area–unhurried, leisurely, patiently. As if he’s doing it just for the enjoyment of it, for the feel of your soft skin against his tongue. Every so often, his eyes flick up to meet yours, gauging your reaction as he eats you out.

It feels amazing, of course, but you feel that little tinge of anxiety starting to grow, knowing that even with his obvious enthusiasm and dedication, it probably isn’t going to be enough for you to come.

You and your stupid body.

You aren’t sure how much time he’s been down there already, but you know it’s probably conspicuously long. Suspiciously long. It doesn’t help that you’re starting to freak out a little, stressing out over the time–wondering if you should… should you stop him? Would that insult him? Most guys would have given up by now, and the fact that he hasn’t–fuck. The last thing you want to do is hurt his feelings. You like him so fucking much. You don’t want to ruin it.

Marcus, who is obviously unaware of your inner struggle as he flicks his tongue over your clit and gently thrusts one finger into your soaking cunt, says “Gonna come for me, honey?” 

And you know he doesn’t mean to telegraph impatience–he probably meant it to be encouraging, but after he asks the question, you feel the pleasure that he had built up retreating quickly as you stare down at him with an anxious, apologetic expression.

“It’s, um… it’s not–I usually… I-I usually need a vibrator, it’s not you, it’s–” you babble.

Marcus’s eyes are kind and non-judgemental as he looks up at you, the evidence of your desire on his lips. “Grab it,” he says with a smile, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“I… I don’t know…” you murmur, your eyes shifting to the side.

Marcus, realizing that he’s touching on something very sensitive, crawls back up your body to give you a gentle kiss.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, and you ache at the tenderness in his eyes.

“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s just… it’s a hassle, you don’t have to–”

“Why wouldn’t I want to make you feel good?” he asks quietly, his eyes searching yours with growing concern. 

You bite your lip nervously. “It’s not just that, it’s–oh, God–it takes forever, you don’t–”

“So?” Marcus is looking down at you, one eyebrow raised in both confusion and amusement. “So what if it takes a long time?”

“Like a really long time. I, um–I dunno, my body just doesn’t seem to work right. I’ve never been able to do it during sex, there’s just too much going on and I–I just get all in my head about it, and I just can’t…” you ramble, your voice rising in pitch as you lay out the most vulnerable part of yourself, laying yourself bare for another person in a way that terrifies you.

“Okay,” Marcus says softly, soothingly. “Okay. Hey, it’s all right.” He strokes your face with his palm as you stare up at him, your lip trembling.

“It still feels good without–um…” you trail off. “Like, I’ll still like it.” You drop your gaze, feeling silly. Feeling small. “I really want you,” you whisper. “I really wanted this night to go well.”

“This night is far from over,” Marcus assures you, a bit of firmness creeping into his voice. “It hasn’t even started, and I think it’s going amazing.” He brushes his thumb across your still-trembling lip and gives you a small, reassuring smile. 

“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” Marcus murmurs, “But I really, really, would like to make you come. If you don’t want that, tell me now, and I’ll still make you feel as good as fucking possible tonight,” he promises. “But if you’ll let me, I’d really like to have that vibrator, now.” 

He fixes you with a little smirk, his eyes still lust-blown even though you feel as if you’ve completely derailed the moment. You search his expression, but all you can find is patience and earnestness. 

Eventually, you nod, and you reach over to your nightstand drawer and fumble around for the little bullet vibrator. Your breath stutters as you hand it to Marcus. It feels like you’re handing far more over to him than just a simple sex toy.

He fixes you with a heartfelt stare. “Do you trust me?” he asks softly. 

Marcus smiles when he sees you nod rapidly. “Listen to me,” he says, that little edge of authority sneaking into his voice and making you wetter than ever. “We have all the time in the world. You don’t need to worry about that.” His voice drops in pitch, growing darker and soaked with desire. “I’m a patient man,” Marcus rumbles, dropping his head a little to let his lips slide against yours as he speaks. “And I don’t care if it takes all night.” He smirks. “Fuck, I want it to take all night. Wanna see you spread out underneath me for hours. You see this?” Marcus palms his cock and gives it a lazy stroke. “Look how hard you make me,”  he murmurs. “Just the thought of teasing you with this until you fall apart for me makes me so. Fucking. Hard.” He punctuates his last words with a roll of his hips and a gentle little bite on your neck–just hard enough to make your brain spark with pleasure as you feel the sting of his teeth on your skin.

Marcus sits back on his heels and switches the vibrator on. He swirls it around your entrance first, collecting some of the slick that had gathered there. Despite your body’s shortcomings, you really fucking want him, and you can feel yourself dripping for him. He slides the arousal-soaked toy up to tease at your clit, and you whimper as the vibrations start to course through you. 

It feels… different, to have someone else do this for you. The movements are just subtly changed, simply by extension of his hands not being your hands. Marcus knows what he's doing, that much is evident, but he can't feel what you feel–he doesn't have the advantage of knowing exactly when to move the vibrator slightly, or swirl it around your clit, or when to just hold it there where you're most sensitive.

When your body is already reluctant, the subtle difference means that the buildup is even slower than when you do it yourself and–and–and–

And there's the fact that there's another person in the room where there never has been before. A person who can see the faces you're making, the shift of your hips, what you sound like–and you start to wonder: do I look stupid? Is he bored? Is he impatient? Am I making the right noises? Is my body okay? Is–

"So fucking pretty," Marcus murmurs, almost to himself, and your eyes–that had been closed in concentration–snap open and meet his warm gaze. 

He looks… reverent? In awe? He has a small, fond smile on his face, his lips slightly parted, and his eyes are sweeping up and down your body as if he'll never get his fill of looking at you. When you stare up at him with wide vulnerable eyes, his smile widens. 

"You are," he tells you. "You look incredible, laying there and letting me take care of you. Does it feel good?"

You nod thickly. It really does. It might take forever, but you'll enjoy every minute if it means Marcus will keep looking at you as if you're a piece of rare artwork–precious, priceless, irreplaceable. You wonder, just for a moment, if he might lo–

"Can I touch you with my fingers while I do this?" Marcus asks, interrupting your thought. 

His eyes are still warm and patient, and despite the fact that laying yourself and all your vulnerabilities bare like this for the first time is absolutely terrifying, you feel safe in his arms. 

You find yourself nodding, and the next thing you know, your head is thrown backwards as one of Marcus's thick fingers slides gently inside you.

Marcus chuckles at your intense reaction. "Yeah?" he breathes. "Feels good?"

You whimper in assent, and you feel his finger crook inside you, drawing another gasp from your lungs. 

"That's it," he whispers, encouraging you. "Perfect."

He languidly pumps his finger in and out, seeming to instinctively understand that you need him to be slow, careful, steady. He's rubbing on something deep inside you that you can’t reach by yourself, and it’s sending sparks up and down your body, and you can feel something start to build. You close your eyes and try to concentrate on it, on the coil that’s tightening inside you, willing it to snap. You want it so badly. 

Your body always seems to do this–seems to hover right on the edge for endless minutes, not willing or able to take the final leap. You teeter back and forth for a while, your brow furrowing as you chase the feeling–chase it before it retreats again, like coaxing a timid animal out of its burrow. The act of pursuing it actively makes the feeling start to recede, and you let out a little frustrated whine.

“I–I don’t know if–if I can–” you stammer out.

“Hey,” Marcus says softly, soothingly. “It’s okay, we’re in no rush.”

He withdraws his finger from your cunt and sucks it into his mouth with a small, pleased sound before laying down next to you, not letting the vibrator leave your clit for a second.

“You’re doing so well,” he husks into your ear. “Just close your eyes and feel it. Don’t worry about anything else. You don’t need to be impatient, we have all the time in the world, remember? I’m not going anywhere.”

You whimper and nod, trying to relax your body–relax, and let it happen, rather than fight for it. 

“I’m gonna touch you again, okay?” Marcus says beside you. “If I do anything you don’t like, tell me.”

Marcus moves back between your legs, and, keeping his eyes fixed on you as he sinks his finger back into your cunt. You close your eyes, focusing on the feeling, but not trying to force it along this time. It will happen. It will happen. You breathe and relax, trying not to overthink, trying not to stress out about whether Marcus is happy and focus on your pleasure. 

The moment you stop trying to come, you start to feel the coil tightening again. Holy shit. He’s going to cause you to get off. You’re almost in disbelief–no one has ever done this, not once, and it doesn’t feel real. But the gradual tightening of your core is definitely real, and you know Marcus can feel it too because he breathes out a little “yeah” as he rubs his finger right over the little spongy spot that drives you crazy.

“Oh!” is the only thing you’re able to say before the coil finally snaps and you fall apart on Marcus’s finger. You jerk with sensitivity as you clench around him over and over again, but he holds the vibrator steady on your clit until your walls stop trembling and you slump boneless on the bed.

“Oh, fuck yes,” you hear Marcus exhale. “Oh, baby…”

He follows you down, casting the vibrator aside and lying beside you. He pulls you into his arms and you can hear the smile in his voice when he tells you, “That was definitely worth the wait. You look so pretty when you come apart, honey.”

You twitch with another aftershock and you’re suddenly hit with the idea that maybe… you're not a lost cause? Maybe you aren't hopelessly broken? This realization is followed immediately by an intense wave of emotion, flooding all of your senses and overwhelming you, and to your utter humiliation, you realize you're definitely about to start crying.

"M-Marcus," you murmur urgently, trying to distract him so he won't see the tears. "Marcus, please fuck me."

He pulls back to look at you and you do your absolute best to keep the moisture welling in your eyes from falling down your cheeks, but the moment you meet his gaze, you know it didn't work. 

"Hang on," Marcus says gently. "Honey, I'm not–I can’t do that while you're crying. Let's just slow down. Like I said, we have all night."

The patience and kindness in his words, his demeanor, just his entire being tonight is enough to send those tears over the edge, and you bury your face in your chest as they start to fall. Marcus’s arms immediately come around you, pulling you flush against him as if he were attempting to take away years of trauma with just his body surrounding yours. You really wish he could.

“Will you tell me about it?” Marcus asks tentatively in your ear.

“I–I’ve never… no one’s ever… done that,” you say quietly. “It’s always been me. I’ve never felt comfortable l-letting anyone–” you trail off, and the room is enveloped in silence again.

You feel Marcus swallow thickly. “Thank you,” he says, his voice raspy with emotion. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”

The two of you simply exist together for a long moment, neither of you speaking again for a long while, and Marcus starts to trail one of his hands up and down your spine softly, making you shiver slightly. Eventually, he speaks again.

“What happened?” he asks. “What happened to make it so scary to let someone else do it?”

You bite your lip, thinking about your answer for a moment. “Nothing… happened, exactly. It’s just… when you spend years and years being frustrated over the fact that your body doesn’t work right, or worse, having partners that are frustrated over it, you eventually give up trying.”

“Oh, honey,” Marcus starts, but you keep going.

“And a lot of it is my fault,” you confess, “I spent my early twenties either not communicating what I need, or not knowing what I need, let alone how to tell it to someone, and those habits are really hard to break. So even when someone was trying, I wouldn’t let them in.”

Marcus pulls back to look in your eyes, and the hand not currently wrapped around your body comes to caress your cheek gently.

“I–then I’m proud of you,” he says quietly, his voice full of sincerity. “And I’m–I’m honored that you feel comfortable letting me in.”

The truth is, if you can’t let yourself be vulnerable with a man like Marcus Pike, you can’t do it with anyone. He’s been so earnest, so utterly genuine as you’ve gotten to know him over the past two months. Already, the two of you have shared so much of yourselves–you know about his past, about the fact that he really struggles with impulsivity, and now, after tonight, he knows your deepest, darkest secret. 

“It always felt like the rest of the world knew something I didn’t,” you tell him. “It always seemed like everyone else was having a good time, and I’m over here with a body that doesn’t work right, barely able to get myself off, let alone do it multiple times a night just from someone’s dick like they do in erotic novels.”

Marcus barks out a laugh. “Those are as fake as porn,” he chuckles. “And I think you’re wrong,” he says, sobering up. “Your body works fine. It’s fucking perfect, actually–I just saw it working. I felt it. And you know what?” He playfully bumps your noses together. “I was having a good fucking time.”

You giggle tearfully. “Yeah?”

“Of course, honey. I–I loved being able to do that for you. I loved watching you, I loved those cute little sounds you make, I love how hard you squeezed me, I–I love–” Marcus breaks off, his eyes full of trepidation, as if he’s on the knife-edge of a precipice and about to fall in. “I–”

“What?” 

“I–I can’t—I don’t think it follows our rule of taking this slow,” he murmurs. 

You smile. Marcus may be holding back from saying it, but he can't hide the fact that it's written all over his face. If you're being honest with yourself, it's been embedded in his expression for a while now–in his eyes as the two of you had walked hand and hand through an art museum, in his voice as he told you about his past failed relationships, even in his body language every time he touches you. Marcus has been showing you how he feels for weeks with his entire body. You can certainly take the leap and tell him. 

"I love you," you murmur.

You watch Marcus's face as a million little microexpressions flit across it in the blink of an eye. Finally, his deep brown pools meet yours.

"Yeah, that–that was it," he says with a breathless laugh. "That was what I was–"

"I love you," you say again, this time with more confidence. 

“Wow,” Marcus breathes, joy and disbelief written all over his face. “I love you, too.”

It feels as if a huge amount of tension that’s been building for weeks now has suddenly abated, and the two of you start giggling like idiots, sharing gentle kisses in between your giddy laughter. Short kisses become longer kisses, and soon Marcus is rolling you over, covering your body with his as he presses his thumb into the hinge of your jaw and takes. 

You give back with equal fervor–fisting your hands in his hair and tangling your legs together as you shift your hips upward, seeking friction. 

“I–mmph–fuck, you feel so perfect,” Marcus murmurs in between kisses that are becoming more and more passionate.

“Will–now will you fuck me?” you ask breathlessly. 

“Let me check,” Marcus says, pulling back and making a show of studying your face with a mock-serious expression that makes you laugh. “Yep, think I will.”

He sobers for a second, pausing–as if he’s considering something.

“If you’re not comfortable with this, feel free to tell me ‘no,’” Marcus begins, “but I’d really like to make you come again.”

Oh. “I-I’m not sure if I can–” you trail off, trepidation etched over your features for the second time that night.

“It’s okay to say ‘no’ if you’re not comfortable with it,” he says again, “but don’t say ‘no’ because you think it takes too long,” he pleads. 

“It might,” you say in a small voice. “‘Cause I already did once, and sometimes it takes a while…”

“What a hardship,” Marcus teases, lightly tickling your ribs and making you squirm. “Getting to fill you up for as long as it takes, feeling you trembling around me.” His hips rock reflexively against yours as he bites the meat of your shoulder. “Such a fucking shame if you kept my cock warm all night.”

You laugh again at his gentle teasing. “You’ve made your point.”

“Is that a ‘yes?’”

“Yes.”

Marcus’s smile could outshine the sun. “Good,” he whispers. “Would it be easiest for you if you were on top?” he asks. “So you can control the pace?”

Truthfully, you’re not sure. It’s been a long time since you’ve attempted to do this–to involve a toy in sex with a partner. It’s rarely been successful, but Marcus’s kindness and patience have already helped to shed some of the weight of this burden you’ve carried for so long by yourself.

When you nod, Marcus gives you one last sweet kiss before moving up to the head of the bed. You bite your lip. You hadn’t really looked at him–not yet–and he’s huge. 

“Can we–” you start, “can we um, use–” you nod your head in the direction of a small bottle of lube sitting on your nightstand.

“Absolutely,” Marcus agrees. As you pour a little bit into your hand and experimentally grasp his thick cock–earning a hiss from him–he grabs your wrist gently to get your attention. “Hey,” he says seriously, “don’t ever be afraid to ask for what you need.”

You nod thickly, entranced by Marcus’s earnest expression–by the love in his eyes. After pumping his cock a couple more times, spreading the lube around his shaft, you smear the rest on yourself and start to sink slowly down, inch by inch. 

He’s just large enough that the stretch is delicious, but stops short of painful. You hear yourself whimpering as you slide down, letting him fill you, until you’re seated fully on his lap. Marcus is still staring at you with that same lovestruck expression, and you flash him a little smile before experimentally rocking your hips, eliciting a little groan from deep within his chest.

“Here.” Marcus passes the little bullet vibrator into your hand. “Touch yourself, make yourself come. I want to see it. I really wanna feel it.” 

You push down the fear of being vulnerable again, the fear of failure, of not being good enough, and you switch it on. 

Marcus is so deep inside you. It feels fucking amazing, better than any toy you’ve ever used on yourself. He’s hot and thick and real and his deep brown eyes are still looking at you like you’ve hung the stars yourself, and having him beneath you is overwhelming and distracting in the worst and best of ways. You start to rock your hips slowly, fucking yourself on his cock, grinding against him without rising up off of him all that much. You’re not sure you can make it happen if you’re bouncing quickly up and down, so you keep things unhurried and easy. To your surprise, you can already feel an orgasm building–it’s illusory, it’s subtle, but you can feel it every time you cant your hips just so. 

The only problem is, you aren’t sure if it feels good for Marcus–after all, you’re barely moving, most of the motion is caused by your hips flexing and relaxing rhythmically as you grind against him.

“Is–is it okay if I just rock like this?” you ask him timidly. “Is it still good for y–”

“Don’t finish that question,” Marcus interrupts gently. “You feel fucking amazing. You don’t even have to move, if that feels better for you. Just–just feeling you like this is incredible.”

He leans up to give you another passionate kiss. “I love this, and I love you, and I don’t want you to worry, okay? If you ever wonder whether this feels good for me, the answer is always going to be yes.” He smiles and playfully rubs his nose against yours. “Keep going,” he whispers. “Don’t think, just feel.”

As Marcus reclines back against the headboard, his hands travel to your breasts, his thumbs brushing against the nipples, and your pussy clenches. Marcus notices–you can tell by his sharp intake of breath. He fixes you with a dark, fiery stare, a devilish glint in his eyes, and your own breath catches. That felt really good.

“M-more?” you request weakly, still struggling with the concept of asking for what you want. 

His thumbs press a little harder, rubbing little circles into the hardened buds, and your head falls back as your hips start to rock a little faster. You can hear yourself making little whimpers and pants as Marcus lavishes attention to your sensitive breasts. He gently flicks one nipple, and you keen loudly, and oh, fuck, that–that’s going to send you over the edge. If he keeps doing that, you’re going to come. You can feel the heat rising to your skin, a wave of pleasure starting to surge up, and up and up and—

“K-keep–” you manage to pant out before another gasp leaves your lips.

Marcus takes your meaning. “Not gonna stop,” he rasps. “Gonna play with these perfect fucking tits until I feel you come around me. I–oh, fuck–honey, I can feel you tightening–holy shit, baby, you’re doing so well, you’re perfect, keep going…”

He keeps talking to you, praising you, talking you through it, as your body teeters on the edge of a cliff for the second time tonight. Please, you beg yourself, please cooperate. 

“I’ve got you,” Marcus is murmuring over and over. “I’ve got you, honey.”

You feel your hips lock into place as you reach the point of no return–that point at which you finally know you’re going to fall one way or the other. It’s always such a relief, this little moment of free-fall before your orgasm hits. Your mouth falls open as you embrace the inevitable, and you sob out Marcus’s name as your cunt starts clenching hard around his cock. You’re almost in disbelief, you can’t believe this is happening–first, Marcus being the first person to ever make you come undone by his own hands, then a love confession, and now, you’re falling apart on his cock, the first time you’ve ever allowed yourself to during sex. You laugh in joy in amazement even as your body still shakes with the aftershocks of your orgasm.

Marcus is smiling too as he surges up to meet your lips in an exuberant kiss. “Perfect,” he says against your lips. “So beautiful when you do that.”

He bands his arm around you and flips you on your back, keeping his lips close to yours as he starts to fuck you with deep, long strokes. You're still incredibly sensitive from your last orgasm and it feels like every sensation has been multiplied tenfold. You’re dimly aware that you’re being very loud right now, crying out as he hits the perfect spot inside you over and over, but you don’t care. This is easily the best sex of your life.

Marcus is being loud as well, groaning praise into your ear interspersed with your name as he snaps his hips into you harder and faster. Your hands scrabble for purchase on his shoulders as he ramps up the intensity of his thrusts, and all you can do is gasp and pant his name until he's spilling inside you.

Marcus immediately starts peppering little kisses across your face, holding himself over you as not to crush you, but not allowing himself to slip free from your heat just yet. Your heart is still fluttering with emotion–you love him, he loves you, and he’s patient and understanding and handles you gently, something you wish you had had in your earliest experiences with sex–someone to reassure you that you’re fine, you’re normal, all you need is a little extra care. 

Speaking of care, Marcus finally pulls away with a happy little sigh, giving you another soft smile as he goes into your bathroom to find something to clean you with. You watch him from the bed–admiring his shoulders, his narrow hips, his adorable barely-there butt that you really want to pinch… And, of course, those warm brown eyes, that piercing gaze that seems to see right into the very core of you.

You can’t look away, even though holding his gaze as he swipes a warm cloth between your legs seems overwhelmingly intimate.

“Penny for them,” Marcus intones softly, noticing your staring.

“Where were you a decade ago?” you ask with a little laugh.

Marcus fixes you with a wry grin. “Finalizing my divorce,” he answers sardonically.

Oh, right. “Sorry,” you murmur.

“Don’t be,” he says gently. “We’re both here now, that’s what counts, right?” He discards the cloth and lies beside you again, taking you into his arms and kissing you tenderly on the forehead. “After all, we’ve got all the time in the world.”

[chateautae]

the most wonderful time of the year | kth. (m)

➵ summary :  taehyung hasn’t seen you since high school graduation, but when he finds himself in need of a date for his friend’s annual christmas party, running into you is like a godsend; especially when he once had feelings for you, and little did he know, you felt the same way all along.

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre :  nonidol!au, f2l, fluff, smut

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 19k

➵ warnings : mutual pining, sexual content, swearing, dom!tae, cuddling resulting in over the clothes stuff, rough fingering, oral (f. receiving), dirty talk, big dick!tae cause we know he’s packing, marking, restraint (with his own hands), choking, begging, unprotected sex (wrap it up peeps), hitting it from the back 😜, mirror (?) sex (reflection of a window), rough sex but then i love you sex, praising, slight humiliation, denied orgasm, creampie, aftercare

part of ksmutclub’s winter project 2020!, using prompt #7: “did everyone else come with a date?”

➵ a/n : thank you to @getmemyfries​ for beta-reading and constantly reassuring me about this fic, idk where she’s been all my life 😭, but surprise!! would you believe me if i told you guys i grinded this in just 3 days?? because YES i did, 19k in three days as a Christmas gift pretties, happy late holidays!!, comments and feedback are always appreciated <3

“Are you serious, Jimin?” 

“Very. I don’t know how you didn’t get the memo, literally everyone was talking about it.” 

“Did everyone else come with a date? There has to be at least one person who didn’t.” 

“And that one person is you, Tae. Did you forget that I made the theme all about mistletoe? Who did you expect to kiss under it, me?” 

“Super funny, Jimin. I just got really busy and I don’t even think I was paying attention to you.” 

“Well, it’s your loss now, everyone came with a date and you’ll be third-wheeling the whole night. You can’t blame us either, it’s cuffing season and you know it.” 

“Do I really have to come? I’ll just spend Christmas with my family.” 

“And ruin their vacation with your annoying ass? What a lovely son, an even better best friend for ditching my party.” 

“Okay, Jimin, I get it. Just-fuck, alright, I’ll find someone. Please tell me you didn’t plan anything too couply in case I have to bring an absolute stranger.” 

“Hmm, I’ll think about it.” 

And Jimin cut the call without a second to spare. 

Taehyung stood there baffled, appalled by his best friend for not even having said goodbye. But then again, maybe he really deserved it. Taehyung had just become too busy with his job this year to even think about Jimin and his friends’ party, allowing it to inhabit the back of his mind and loom over him for weeks, though not giving it the time of day he should’ve. 

And now he’s stuck in a situation he doesn’t know how to get out of. The party is in just two days, how exactly was he supposed to find someone that would even agree to accompany him? 

One, they would have to be someone explicitly bored on Christmas Eve. Two, comfortable with meeting complete strangers and spending an entire night with them. Third, they would have to be willing to even fake-date him. 

Taehyung knew he could at least satisfy the third requirement with just a smidge of his charm and good looks, though the real issues were the other two requirements, especially the first one. 

Who the fuck is ever doing nothing on Christmas Eve? 

These are the exact thoughts that clouded Taehyung’s mind, sighing heavily as he dejectedly sauntered into a coffee shop after work. It wasn’t the usual place, but he decided on a new one in search of a possible partner; even if it were a stranger from a different coffee shop, he’d take what he could get. 

It’s precisely why he began scanning the room just enough to discern any potential date as he waited in line. With his hands in his pockets, lips buried into his plaid scarf that draped over his brown winter coat, and attempted to make eye contact with any female he thought eligible. 

He spotted some cute girls, though made quick judgements about them not fitting his requirements; some meeting boyfriends, family, yapping away about Christmas plans as though the whole store needed to hear about it.

Pulling out his phone, he considered he had some female friends, maybe co-workers he could convince to tag along. It sounded like a great idea in his head, though when he scrolled though his contacts carefully, he found himself coming up short once again. 

Not only had he seen his friends’ stories, all flaunting their very apparent Christmas plans, but even more so his co-workers having literally informed him about either flying back home, meeting family or easing up far, far away on a tropical beach. 

And he definitely knew there’d be no one available. 

All of it made Taehyung feel deflated once he had placed his order and waited patiently by the store’s counter. He thought he was royally fucked, needed to forego social etiquette and just ask a damn stranger at this point. 

Sighing yet again, he mindlessly looked over to the side, catching a glimpse of the person ordering after him with a voice he suddenly recognized. Taehyung’s eyebrows immediately shot to the sky once he took a double-take, a near injustice to say he was only shocked. 

He was practically floored, had to rub his eyes a few times just to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Surely he’d lost it after the gruesome shift he just pulled at work, because he was pondering how in God’s name was he seeing you of all people ordering. 

How the hell did you manage to look 100x prettier than you used to, Taehyung thought. It was no doubt you; your smile still charming as ever, your hair still elegantly soft, your eyes still naturally sparkling under every Christmas light in the store just like they always did. 

It was really you. 

The same you he knew all throughout high school though moved away after graduation, the same you who was brilliant at every subject though could never understand math, the same you who waltzed into school with that plaid winter coat anyone could recognize you for, the same you who always teased him about his love for pineapple on pizza because you could never comprehend the taste. 

The same you he once liked.   

It was actually you, bundled up in a gray winter coat and white scarf as you smiled a thank you to the barista, eventually making your way over to the counter Taehyung was situated at, settling next to him without having noticed. 

Taehyung thought you were an angel sent from heaven, a Godsend, his one and only true saviour once he studied you up close, concluding that you weren’t just some mirage but in fact his real-life friend from years ago who could possibly rescue him from this Christmas party fuck up. 

And so he didn’t waste a single, valuable moment, because you know what they say, ‘carpe diem’, oh captain my captain. 

“Y/N Y/L/N? Is that you?”

Your surprised eyes snapped towards the oddly familiar low voice, eyebrows shooting up once you resgitered just who exactly said your name. You seemed to be in the same disbelief as Taehyung, himself utterly grateful you’d actually recognized him. 

“Oh my God, Kim Taehyung?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Taehyung laughed shyly. “Damn, how long has it been? 5? 6 years?” 

“6 years, yeah.” You confirmed with a smile. “Since graduation.” 

“I can’t believe that was 6 years ago, seems just like yesterday.” Taehyung couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off his face remembering the chaotic party by the lake you all threw together, resulting in someone nearly drowning, Taehyung downing more alcohol than he ever had in his life, and you shamelessly shoving everyone into the water until you eventually capsized yourself. 

Taehyung had to collect himself to coherently speak sentences again, nearly feeling his neurons incessantly firing off in his brain. “But wow, when did you come back to town?” 

“3 months ago, I was transferred for work.” You informed casually, though your sweet smile was infectious. “Wow, I’m.. I can’t believe I ran into you here.” You were honestly still shocked, marveling at the fact you somehow bumped into Kim Taehyung, the Kim Taehyung from high school.  

The same Taehyung who teased you about being terrible at math, the same one who only ever brought strawberry jam sandwiches to school and God forbid someone ever took a bite. The same Taehyung who was the cute social butterfly everyone completely adored at school. 

The same Taehyung you once liked.   

“It doesn’t feel long indeed, but you look.. different.” You did a light scan of him, noticing just how how much taller, more handsome and manlier he appeared. It was reflected in the edge of his jawline, crisp face structure and broader upper body. 

Quite frankly, he looked incredibly striking, almost intimidatingly so, and you could only think about when Taehyung used to appear a little scrawnier, lankier though still attractive all the same with his adorable eyes and plushy lips. 

It was nearly daunting to see the gorgeous difference now. 

“You look different too.. good different.” He added with a smile as he looked you over, and it was pleasant to see he still had that same boxy smile, the same little creases at the corner of his eyes. Though instead now, his smile looked devilishly handsome, and it was hard to not trip over your own feet about it. 

“You too. You’re so much taller now.” You commented, craning your neck just to converse with him. 

“And you’re still short, huh?” 

Your mouth flew open, scandalized at the comment though laughed when he chuckled at your expression. “Oh c’mon, you’re still gonna tease me about how short I am? It’s been six years, Taehyung.” 

“Hey, don’t think it’s not payback for all those times you lectured me about how ‘inhuman’ liking pineapple on pizza was. I still have your PowerPoint presentations saved.” Taehyung retorted through a laugh, remembering the way you’d really take the time to conjure up presentations just so he could be  unconvinced of the preference. 

“Okay, okay. You got me. Is there ever a way I could make it up to you... Assistant Curator Kim?” You read the lanyard that hung around his neck, inspecting it to see his ID photo along with his job title. 

“Ah,” Taehyung exclaimed, scrambling for the lanyard. “I was in a rush to get out of work so I left it on by accident.” Taehyung explained a little embarrassed, unhooking it from around his neck. 

“Why were you in a rush?” You knitted your eyebrows together, only asking out of innocent curiosity, though Taehyung lit up like a Christmas tree, knowing this was his golden opportunity and he was definitely going to take his chance. 

“Uh.. do you still remember Park Jimin and the rest of our friends?” Taehyung started. 

“Oh my God, of course I do! You’re all still friends?”

“Unfortunately, yeah. I mean, even when we get tired of each other we know nobody else will put up with us, so we’re still close.” Taehyung snickered, remembering him and his friends were still the same 7 dorks from high school. 

“Awh, I wish I could see them, we used to have so much fun together.” You pouted, shoving your hands into your pockets as you recalled amusing memories from years ago; stupid adventures to the lake by your school, chasing the sunset, knowing you probably incessantly bothered the owner of that one gas station you always visited. 

“Actually, the reason why I was rushing was because Jimin holds an annual Christmas Eve party, and this time around he made it a ‘bring-a-date’ memo, and I kinda got too busy to remember.” Taehyung began scratching the back of his neck, a little shy considering he didn’t really listen to Jimin when he should’ve. 

“Ohh.” You nodded understandingly. “So you forgot to get a date?” 

“Yeah.” Taehyung confirmed, nodding with some disappointment in himself. “But say, you mentioned a favour, right?” Taehyung eyed you knowingly, hand never leaving his neck as he forced himself to get the question out. “Are you doing anything on Christmas Eve?” 

You were a little taken aback, thinking you knew exactly where he was going with this, and also thinking it was a damn Christmas miracle. You remembered your unfortunate situation for Christmas Eve; your parents having booked a cottage for themselves considering you’d be working that day, though gladly enough your boss decided it was the most wonderful time of the year, so why the fuck would he keep people hostage at work? 

It landed you with quite literally nothing to do on the joyous day, and excitement began to fill your chest already about your answer, though you composed yourself to appear normal. 

“No, actually. My parents are at a cottage together, so I was going to be home.” 

Taehyung could’ve been on cloud nine right about now, thanking God or whatever supreme being for answering his prayers. You’d literally checked off his every requirement perfectly, and now all that was left was...

“Would you like come to Jimin’s party as my date? I know it’s only in 2 days and it’s really sudden, but I’m kinda stuck right now and I promised Jimin I would come after finding someone, he’ll probably kick my ass if I don’t-” 

“I’d love to come.” You broke out into a grin at his adorable rambling, nearly giddy your assumption from before was exactly correct.

“Wait, seriously? You mean that?” Taehyung asked in wonderment. 

“Why would I lie to you, Taehyung?” You chuckled at the endearing way his face was lighting up, trying to ensure he couldn’t see the stars in your eyes as you looked at him.  

“Oh my God, you actually just.. saved my life.” Taehyung reveled, expression of utter gratitude. 

“Don’t mention it. It’s all I can do after making you sit through 10 minutes of me berating you for liking fruit on pizza. It’s still weird, by the way.” 

“Hey, don’t make me take your drink and ask you to jump for it.” Taehyung chastised, biting back a smile at the fact that you two still bickered like old times. 

“Fair point, so in two days, huh?” 

“Mhm. Can I get your number, actually? I’ll send you the details tonight.” Taehyung began digging for his phone in his pocket. 

“Oh, yeah of course.” You agreed as you went for yours. You both huddled a little closer to exchange the digits, trading phones and adding your names into each other’s contacts. It dawned a slight fuzzy feeling in your chest, getting a whiff of Taehyung’s masculine cologne and realizing in this proximity, just how incredibly ravishing Taehyung had in fact grown up, how much larger and broader he was in comparison to you. 

That he was a man now, not the quirky little dork you once knew, and that thought alone caused something to momentarily alight inside you. 

He was a man now. 

“Remember when we only had iPods and had to talk through our land lines?” Taehyung took a trip down memory lane and grounded you back to Earth, returning your phone to you. 

“Ah yes, when technology was just expanding and us 90′s kids were always caught in the weird middle.” You reminisced as he chuckled, recalling the older days. 

You were just finishing typing in your name for your contact, nearly clicking save until you decided to add the little bow emoji next to your name, handing Taehyung’s phone back to him. 

“A bow?” Taehyung inquired, finding it cute. 

“I deserve it, I’m your little Christmas present under your tree, aren’t I?” You flashed him a cute flower pose with a kittenish grin, the barista calling out Taehyung’s order just after. 

Taehyung could only smile widely, endeared you still had that same playful charm. “Yeah, you are.” He made for his drink and nabbed it, fixing his phone back into this pocket before addressing you. “I’ve gotta get going. I’ll see you in 2 days, okay? It was seriously great meeting you again. Y/N.” 

“You too, I’ll see you then!” You chimed with a wave as Taehyung began stepping away, almost turning from him until he suddenly called out to you one last time, just about through the door.  

“Thank you again, Y/N, I owe you, my Christmas present!” He shouted his last words through a stupid smile, you returning the same one as a welcome before Taehyung exited the shop. 

And you couldn’t stop yourself from breaking out into the goofiest grin then, cheeks hotter than you remembered. You were glad Taehyung was still the same charismatic, easily lovable person from high school, the same charm and adorable impishness about him. 

Only now, he was all grown up and matured, no longer the slightly awkward, though heartfelt kid who liked stealing your history notes. And you became a little afraid feeling the same flutter in your heart from 6 years ago, curious if it was just a momentary lapse upon seeing him again, or signaling the ignition of an old flame it took you years to forget. 

Taehyung : remember to bring your competitive side today ;)

You : omg, what did jimin plan? 

Taehyung : you’ll have to wait and see 

Taehyung : jimin’s a creative one, remember? 

You : how could i forget? i’m never forgiving him for making me spend 3 hours writing calligraphy for that anthro project 😭

Taehyung : man, the guys are gonna love seeing you again

Taehyung : be there in 5! 

You : gotchu! 

You hated that you smiled so stupidly at your screen, never having forgotten the fluttery feeling Taehyung always managed to manifest in your stomach.

You clicked your phone screen off and checked over your outfit for the umpteenth time, wanting to look good not only for Taehyung (though that was the primary reason) but also for the rest of the crew. It’d seriously been too long since you last saw each other, having always been up to dumb shenanigans in high school though sadly parting ways after graduation. 

It was only inevitable with everyone’s future plans being so dissimilar, you having gone down the road of law and miraculously scoring a scholarship to a prestigious university a few towns over, spelling your departure from your beloved childhood city and therefore, goodbye to everyone you knew. 

You were glad the boys managed to remain so closely-knitted despite their different paths; Taehyung having clearly acquired a job at a museum considering his love for art. Last time you remembered, Jimin was an aspiring dancer, Hoseok was a natural at hospitality, Seokjin always rambled on about acting, Jungkook was gifted with a camera, Namjoon adored books and Yoongi wouldn’t trade music for the world. 

It was bittersweet recalling such memories, having to leave behind everything you knew to pursue your own dream. Bitter, though sweet knowing you had larger than life opportunities awaiting you. It was precisely what landed you your current job, working comfortably at a high-status law firm albeit stealing very much of your time. 

It was perfect, nonetheless, since the main office was located back home and you had just been transferred 3 months ago, finding your way back 6 years later. You didn’t know if the boys were still in town, had no real clue where their lives went with only stray social media posts indicating they were still alive and healthy. 

So running into Taehyung all of a sudden? It made you more than glad, remembering not only your fun times together as a group, but your comfortable friendship with him, and the undeniable feelings you’d developed overtime. 

Suffice to say, you both were quirky yet cute, and you made perfect sense. Not only did it land you two a supportive relationship full of laughs and teasing, but also numerous instances where someone’s actions or behaviour became suggestive, questioned the borders of actual friendship between you though nobody willing to take the leap, and it left all your friends inquiring exactly when you two would start dating. 

Though that was the sad part, you never did. And the reason why? You have no real clue. It simply never dawned on you to express your feelings towards Taehyung in fear of him not feeling the same, thinking your crush was just a phase and you’d eventually view him as a friend again, a process of denial you repeated for the 4 grueling years of high school.

Though the second you realized you’d have to say goodbye so soon, with the possibility you’d never see him again, you realized Taehyung was the one boy you truly loved, and sometimes questioned if you still did. 

It hurt to have to hug him one last time before you disconnected, remembering the way you cried having to part from everyone, and Taehyung held you against him until your eyes dried, waving an innocent goodbye before you rounded the corner of your street and disappeared forever. 

To this day you haven’t got a clue if Taehyung ever felt the same, always chalking up his little lingering touches, hugs and double entendres to his naturally flirtatious and outgoing nature. It hindered your ability to say anything, thinking over the years maybe your non-confessional departure was an enormous mistake. 

So when you heard the doorbell of your apartment ring, in the five minutes Taehyung promised, your heart couldn't help but leap at the thought you’d see him again, meet all your old friends and spend an entire festive, fun-filled night with them. 

You made for the door without a second thought and pulled it ajar, meeting Taehyung’s somehow more stunning self all ready to go. He’d decided today to dress with a tan plaid coat, black turtle neck poking out from underneath paired with black slacks to match; and you realized Taehyung definitely invented the all-black look. 

Sources? You. 

You almost gawked, his hair set to reveal some forehead though curl just before his eyebrows, and it was evilly handsome. He was evilly handsome. 

You remembered he was standing right in front of you, thinking a good moment has passed since you uttered anything, a warm smile as you addressed him. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” He greeted back, scanning over you, and you didn’t miss the way his eyes lingered for a second on your legs. You’d gone for your same gray coat, though surprisingly with an all black outfit underneath as well, cute wrap around dress with a v line dipping just generously enough, all paired with pantyhose. 

Who cares about a little cold when you want to look cute anyway, right? 

“We’re matching, it’s cute.” He complimented, his smile just a little impish as it met your chest momentarily though flashed back up to you. 

“I guess you’re cute too.” You shrugged, nearly hiding your face under his scrutiny. 

“We should get going, m’lady. Jimin’ll chew my head off if I’m late too.” Taehyung feigned a sophisticated tone, turning aside and holding out his arm for you to loop like a gentleman. 

You chuckled just a little and clutched your side bag, hooking onto his arm as you switched the lights of your apartment off and shut the door behind you. 

“Now would the kind sir tell me what we’re doing today?” You inquired as Taehyung began walking you down the hallway, peering at his God-like side profile. “You’ve been so mysterious about it.” 

Taehyung clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Now what’s the point of a surprise if I tell you?” 

“But why is it a surprise? Don’t tell me it’s something ridiculous like rock climbing.” You playfully scolded, trying to keep up with his long strides as he led you towards the elevator. 

“Maybe it’s just to see the way your face will light up when you find out.” Taehyung suggested with narrowed eyes as he looked down at you, you staring back at him in scrutiny until you both snickered. 

And as you entered the elevator arm in arm with him, maybe you felt that same skip of your heartbeat from years ago. 

“Holy shit, Y/N Y/L/N? Is that you?” Jimin’s face was utterly surprised, his warm, puppy eyes you remember too well wide as he held the door open.

“Of course it is, Park Jimin!” You cheered as you held your arms out for a hug, his gentle arm wrapping around your torso as he beamed.

“The guys are not gonna believe this, I gotta tell em’. Come in, come in!” Jimin ushered you and Taehyung inside, redirecting his attention to the beautiful, open space condo he called his humble abode. “Guys! Come to the front, look who’s here!”

You and Taehyung were propping your boots off when people eventually came piling into the front foyer and responding to Jimin absentmindedly. All were similarly unsuspecting their eyes widened when landing on you, sounding the next slew of hilarious commentary you’d missed too damn much. 

“No way, is that Y/N?”

“Holy fuck, Y/N?”

“Y/N, we thought you left town, when did you come back?”

“Taehyung, how the hell did you find her?”

“Even better, how the fuck did he get her to come as his date?” It was Jungkook who made the quip that elicited everyone’s snickering, yourself simply overwhelmed by the amount of memories that came back just by the sound of their quite manlier now, though familiar voices.

They all still had the same charming features, each of them reminiscent of their teenaged selves, but the difference? Now they were polished into captivatingly good-looking men you were baffled to even know at this point. 

“Oh my God, it’s been 6 years, just let me hug you guys!” You excitedly gestured for them to come to you, friendly smiles all around as you embraced and reunited. 

“Jungkook, why wouldn’t she agree? You trying to say something?” Taehyung didn’t let the earlier insult go, eyebrows quirked as he retorted.

“Dude, Y/N has always been out of your league.” Yoongi added.

“And honestly, now she’s even more out of your league.” Seokjin joined the teasing and it erupted another bout of cackling from the group, you only left to shyly scrunch your nose and giggle.

“Okay, okay, let’s move from standing here, yeah? There’s a party and 6 years worth of catching up to do!” Jimin chimed, chastising everyone huddled by the corridor and allowing you and Taehyung to settle into the home.

Jimin was still the meticulous perfectionist you knew back then, his home adorably charmed with Christmas decorations that made his place feel incredibly warm. His pretty Christmas tree in the corner with some gifts wrapped underneath, his fireplace adorned with pretty stockings, even the small trinkets scattered around were reminding your sadly adult-self that it was indeed Christmas, and it’s meant to be jolly. 

It automatically created an atmosphere of festivity, and catching sight of the dates each friend brought moving about, it only felt more like the holidays with 14 people occupying the home. 

You were marveling with a wide smile at the scene before you, everyone moving back into the house to resume what they were previously doing until you suddenly felt someone’s hands hook onto the neck collar of your jacket from behind. You whirled around in an instant with seeking eyes, viewing the culprit was none other than the only owner of the largest, most slender hands you still found incredibly attractive.

Goddamn you.

“Sorry, I’ll just take your jacket for you.” Taehyung realized he may have startled you. 

“Oh!” You exclaimed, hurriedly shredding off the layer not having noticed you were still wearing it. “I could put it away myself though, give me yours.”

You reached for Taehyung’s jacket in his hands, though he immediately jut the jacket further away from you in protest. “No, no. You’re my date, I’m taking it.”

“But Tae-”

“Hey, you’re my present, remember? You deserve it.” Taehyung mimicked you from your exchange at the coffee shop, you ultimately acquiescing as a result.

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes playfully, though a laugh was pulling at you all the same. “What would you be, though?” You asked out of curiosity. “If I’m the present, what are you?” 

Taehyung toyed with your question in his thoughts until he chose the perfect answer, lips growing into a smirk as he drew closer to your face a little. “The one who gets to open it up.”

Something shot through you that was alarming, his cocked eyebrow indicative he was being suggestive, and you played it off with a scoff. “It’s not even Christmas morning yet, and I know you’re just the goodest little boy on Earth who’d wait until he can open his presents.” You clasped your hands together, condescendingly feigning innocence. 

“Or maybe you just never got to know, Y/N.” Taehyung then suddenly leaned down much closer to your face, inches from you as he looked into your eyes. “I haven’t always been a good boy.” 

Taehyung was boring something undistinguishable into you, though the double meaning of his words left apparent heat in the air between you. 

And here it fucking was again, those same double entendres Taehyung had always shot your way though you always took it as him simply fooling around, so you always joined in with your own jokes, assuming the same approach now.  

“Hmm, we’ll see about that, Good boy. Santa’s watching.” You countered as you patted his chest sarcastically, causing Taehyung to stand to his full height biting his lip. 

He stared at you for a moment before walking away, noticing how long his legs were and the unfair curve of his ass, and you suddenly gained a new feature of his to ogle at. He eventually disappeared and you breathed, temporarily forgetting you had a dumb habit of holding your breath whenever he was so close; his piney with a hint of ocean breeze cologne having been left behind, and hitting you like a truck just as much as his all black outfit did. 

God fucking dammit. 

You decided to ignore your intrusive thoughts and waltz into the party instead, grabbing yourself a drink and eventually making your way towards some of the boys’ pretty dates. It was refreshing to feel the presence of women, thanking the Heavens they were all relatively sweet and amicable. 

Conversation always came easy to you, what with being a lawyer who has to be a master with words anyway, so it wasn’t difficult to not only befriend some of the girls, but also reconnect with the boys merrily, Taehyung by your side. 

“Y/N, how dare you not contact any of us about coming back?” Hoseok asked, a little upset timbre in his tone. 

“Yeah, I’m actually a little hurt you ended up coming with Tae of all people. After all the books I shared with you?” Namjoon feigned disappointment, a hand to his heart in near heartbreak. 

“Dude, what’s wrong with her coming with me? Not my fault you gave her boring ass books.” Taehyung defended.

“Tae, you’d steal her history notes for fuck’s sake.” Namjoon countered with narrowed eyes. 

“Guys, it’s been years. I just thought it’d been too long, so I didn’t say anything.” You stopped them, sadly remembering the way communication dwindled out the more you all progressed in your life. 

“Look, you’re always welcomed, Y/N. You think I’d forget the girl who pulled an all-nighter just to edit my shitty final essay for English? I told you I’d write your name on my damn tombstone when I got an 80.” Seokjin laughed with a glass of eggnog, though supportive in his remark and it made you reminisce. 

“I have no clue to this day how you passed English on just Sparknotes. Jungkook hated English more than you and he still managed to actually read 1984.” You chastised him like old times, though now it was a memory that brought a smile to your face. 

“Look, I wasn’t interested in knowing the asshole motives of Big Brother and the 3-minute hate speech.” Seokjin defended himself. 

“2-minute, and it was still a good book.” 

“You’re telling me 60 pages of that dumb manifesto Winston found was good?” Taehyung perked up with crossed arms, quirking his eyebrows at you in incredulousness.  

“Oh c’mon, you learn the entire history of the Party and all their bullshit.” 

“And you’re still a nerd, I see.” Taehyung ticked his head to the side with his snarky remark. 

“Oh shut up, I got a better mark than you on the final essay anyway.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Doesn’t take away from the fact that you’re a nerd.” Taehyung countered. 

You gave a disapproving, scrutinizing look as you marched your way over to Jimin’s Christmas tree, comically gesturing to the Balsam Fir beside you. “I’m literally your Christmas present under the tree, Taehyung, you have to be nice to me.” You chastised him though it only made the boys looking on crack up. 

“Y/N, you’re still hilarious as fuck.” Hoseok was lighting up with laughter, his pretty giggles sounding in a way that honestly made you giggle in the end too, Taehyung only letting up because you were just so you, and it tugged at his heart strings.

“Speaking of Jungkook from earlier, where is he? I just remembered the math notes he owes me his life for.” You perked up, gauging his presence around in the condo. 

“He’s over there eating the chocolate chips, yah, Jungkook! Stop it!” Seokjin scolded from across the room where Jimin and Yoongi were bustling about in the kitchen, and you became confused hearing the mention of chocolate chips. 

“Chocolate chips? I mean, I’m not complaining, but that’s quite the eccentric choice for party food.” You held up your hands in mock surrender. 

“Oh, Taehyung didn’t tell you? It’s for the competition later.” Namjoon informed, though you only furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Competition?” 

“Yeah, baking competition. Jimin planned a couple’s one for his mistletoe theme. I’m beating all your asses, by the way. I’m a genius at decorating.” Hoseok folded his arms with a self-satisfied expression. 

“Please, my girlfriend and I hold weekly bake-offs, watch yourselves, losers.” Seokjin calmed everyone down with his own greatness, you simply becoming beyond excited. 

You turned to Taehyung in an instant, expression completely telling of wonder as you inquired with a high-pitched tone. “Tae, you didn’t tell me we were having a baking competition, that’s so cool!” You beamed, elatedly looking towards Jimin and Yoongi preparing ingredients.  

“Taehyung’s a cryptic one, remember?” Namjoon joked, trying to stifle a laugh with a hand over his mouth, and Taehyung immediately defended himself.

“Shut up, hyung.” He sounded offended, though the smile tugging at his lips indicated after years of friendship, he’d never actually grow vexed at his admirable friend. 

Taehyung then met your eyes, smile growing more apparent, warmer. “I told you it was to see the way your face would light up, didn’t I?” He tilted his head to the side then, eyes playfully studying you as he confirmed his observation. “Yup, your eyes totally still sparkle the same.” 

You couldn’t help but fill with another wave of fuzziness, feeling as though Taehyung always knew how to make your insides all giddy, and maybe even thinking what’s so wrong if your feelings really were coming back? 

You could only smile sheepishly at him, the rest of the boys knowingly watching the two of you like they have for years, everyone only falling out of the trance of the moment when Jimin’s voice called out from the kitchen.  

“Alright Martha Stewarts, who’s starting the ass-kicking?” 

“Hyung! That’s not fair, you can’t steal from us!” Jungkook scolded him as you watched the mania in front of you, Seokjin and his girlfriend Sa-Ha vs. Jungkook and his date Mira. It was becoming devastatingly hilarious, both teams only having 1 minute left until their cookies had to be plated in tip-top shape, all scrambling to create the best-looking ones. 

“I can and I will, you stole from us first!” Seokjin rebutted him, Jimin raising his voice to signal how much left time was. 

“30 seconds you guys, make it count!” And it was another catastrophic seconds until the timer went off, both teams exhausted and complaining all the same about their hard time fueled by Jin and Jungkook’s endless bickering. 

It was laughs for the few of you looking on, waiting your turns until Jimin’s date Song-i chose from the hat of pairings, your eyes going wide once she called out your name with Taehyung’s against Hoseok and his date. 

“Oh my God, Tae, that’s us!” You grabbed his arm alarmed, seeming nervous and it caused him to look at you. 

“Why are you so nervous? We’ll do great.” 

You scoffed at him in protest. “Taehyung, you did horrible in home ec, we’re gonna lose!” 

“Hey, I’ll make you jump for the ingredients, have some faith, will you?” Taehyung retorted, grabbing you by your hand and dragging you over to one of the two counters Jimin’s grand condo had to offer. 

“We’re taking you guys down on decorations, I’m a genius.” Hoseok gloated from his counter, tying his apron as he eyed you. 

“I have a curator on my team, Hobi, we’re beating you.” You scrutinized him with an angry pout as he stuck his tongue out, you whirling back around to adjust your apron. 

“Okay everyone, aprons on?” Jimin inquired, you having put on yours though watching Taehyung struggle with figuring out the apparently rocket-science contraption. 

You sighed with a laugh until you grabbed it from his hands, helping him out. “It’s like this, Tae.” You got on your tippy-toes to situate the apron around his neck as he bent down for you, the contrast of your heights always having made Taehyung a little weak. 

He was only left to watch you as you fixed the apron onto him, finding himself not even watching anymore, but straight up gazing, admiring. 

Admiring the way your eyes were always in a state of perpetual sparkle, your small lips he never forgot the amount of times he contemplated kissing, your dress revealing your collarbones and chest that beckoned for him to just tear it off, all weakening him even more so.

What made him even weaker, however, was noting the way you’ve matured into a woman after 6 years. 

A very beautiful, attractive woman. 

Your body had always been art to him, but now you were polished into a masterpiece he desired to adore, run his hands all over. Your face structure was more evened out, hair set to fall elegantly upon your shoulders and neck so utterly inviting it all added a sense of sexy maturity to you. 

It was distracting, Taehyung venturing off on the thought you were a woman now, not the innocent, sweet nerd he once knew, and it constantly began to rack his brain when he felt something course through his veins about it. 

Because you used to be so painfully innocent, so naturally a girl next door he couldn’t help but want to taint sometimes, to ruin and unravel for his own. He could even feel it with every time your smaller hands touched his body as you worked the apron guilelessly, wanting to snatch up your wrists instead and do unspeakable things, especially with that fucking dress on his mind. 

What made it all worse is that Taehyung could tell you only acted guileless, and never actually were. You also made your own suggestive comments, always caught his drift and he could tell you weren’t the innocent little thing you appeared to be. 

 Taehyung was so completely lost he heard you suddenly calling his name. 

“Taehyung, are you listening?” 

He blinked. “Huh?” 

“You have to listen to what I say, okay? Just follow my instructions and we’ll win against them.” You made little fists in the air to encourage him, Taehyung mimicking the action. 

“Y-yeah. I will, let’s do this.” You turned around after smiling sweetly, fixing some of the utensils on the counter and completely unsuspecting of Taehyung’s thoughts. 

That even after 6 years apart, after thinking he’d successfully forgotten about you, there was still something that pulled at his heart every time he saw you smile, every time you were ever near him. 

And he came to the conclusion maybe his feelings really haven’t changed from 6 years ago. 

“Taehyung, can you pass me the butter, please?” You asked urgently, whisking away at your bowl of almost-there cookie dough with Taehyung hovering around you as he watched. 

“Got it.” He returned with some of the butter, you struggling to scoop some of it until Taehyung reached out for the block. “Here, let me do it and you whisk.” 

“No, you’ll end up putting in too much. Let me do it.” You nudged him with your elbow, picking at the butter. 

“But you’re already whisking, just let me take it out.” Taehyung protested as he reached, though you blocked him right away.  

“No, Tae, remember we decided I’m on baking and you’re on decorating?” 

“Your job is way harder than mine and I’m useless right now, let me at least whisk.” Taehyung grabbed for the bowl until you snatched it away from him, already done with scooping the butter when the action caused some of the flour to fly up on your dress, gasping scandalously. 

“Taehyung!” You whined, Taehyung scrambling for a quick apology. 

“Oh fuck, Y/N, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Taehyung almost completed until a splash of flour went hurtling onto his shirt, causing him to look down with his mouth agape. “You did not just throw flour on my black turtleneck.” 

“You got flour on my black dress first, you tree.” Your eyebrows were set hard as you scolded him, still loosely whisking away at the cookie dough. 

“It was by accident, you half-pint.” Taehyung rebutted, trying to bat the flour off himself.

“Then mine was an accident too.” You mocked him, unsuspectingly whisking again when flour suddenly hit your chest, offended to find Taehyung snickering with it all over his hand. 

“That was an accident, too.” 

“You’re so...” You huffed out as you placed the bowl down and grabbed your own handful of flour, just about to throw it on Taehyung when is large palms came up to snatch your wrists, forcing your arms back as he snickered. 

“Taehyung, this is unfair!” You complained, struggling against his hold. 

“It’s an accident.” Taehyung mimicked with a genuine laugh watching you scramble in his hold, until the smile wiped off his face shortly after when you simply released the flour from your palm and it spilled all over his turtleneck. 

Your cheeks puffed up trying to contain your laughter, Jimin’s own giggling fit sounding and you remembered he was monitoring the competition. “Taehyung, you dumbass, you had that shit coming.” He held his stomach, entire body laughing at his best friend. 

You were giggling along with Jimin until Taehyung had had enough, licking his lips with mischief. 

“That’s it, come here.” He then spun you around and engulfed you with his arms from behind, holding you snug to his chest as you tried to escape him alarmingly, knowing what Taehyung was going to do next. 

“Taehyung please, wait, I beg of you, don’t!” And it was already too late when you felt his long fingers begin to tickle at your sides, your incessant protests melding with giggles along with his beautiful laughter filling the kitchen. 

You continued to fight against his hold, the constant feather-like touches making you reel and breath leave your lungs. “Taehyung, stop! Oh my God,” you struggled through a laugh while he nuzzled his face into your hair. “I’ll die, Taehyung, please!” 

“Nope, this is what you get.” Taehyung continued his onslaught as he held you tighter, you beginning to acquiesce in order to reason with him.  

“Okay, okay, look. We’re running out of time!” You tried controlling your laughter, tears pricking at your eyes as you tried to calm down. “We have to beat Hobi and Ah-yeong or else we’ll lose!” 

His amused voice sounded near your ear, still reprimanding you. “I’ll only stop if you say sorry.” 

“Alright, I’m sorry!” You were grabbing at his wrists for release. “I didn’t mean it, just stop tickling me!” You protested with a giggle until you felt his fingers rest, rather exchanging it for simply encasing you. 

“Good girl, you’re getting on Santa’s nice list.” Taehyung joked. 

You could only sigh as you resupplied oxygen to your lungs, moving towards the bowl. “Okay, let’s get back to work before we lose.” You puffed out air, breaths levelling as you returned to the counter and grabbed the whisk and bowl, only to find Taehyung hadn’t retracted his arms yet. 

He instead remained behind you, reaching for the utensils in your hands, his large ones grasping them along with you and the contrast of his broad body enclosing your smaller one made you feel something in your core.

Your eyes widened in surprised when his head unexpectedly found your shoulder, resting his chin there as he peered down at the bowl before you, you sputtering. “Taehyung, w-what are you doing?”

“Helping you, is there a problem?” The deep cadence of his voice was just by your ear, dangerous for your health. 

“N-no. But it’s okay, I’m fine on my own-” 

“Nope, this is the least I can do for you..” Taehyung’s tone seemed to trail off suddenly, having calmed down from his laughter and you found him speaking in earnest. “You’re my Christmas present I dragged all the way here with me, remember?” 

You could only smile sympathetically as you looked to your side, eyes welcomed by his gorgeous side profile on full display just centimeters from you. It made you realize just how close he was, his warmth engulfing you and it caused little sparks to fly inside your chest.  

“It’s not so bad, Taehyung. You’re just a good boy who needed his little Christmas present.” You teased light-heartedly, proud of your remark until Taehyung suddenly turned towards your ear, ghosting the shell of it with an unexpectedly darker tone, low and down right gruff.

“I’m not always a good boy.” He stated it simply, though the hot baritone in his words oddly left your spine cold, freezing over even more when Taehyung then wrapped his arms entirely around your torso, pulling your back to his chest. He did it so tightly you could suddenly feel your ass pressed to his covered length, oddly contradicting how couple-like you two probably appeared and it was goddamn intoxicating. 

You panicked at first but eventually basked in his hold, mustering the courage to speak with a suggestive tone. “I’m not always a good girl, either.” 

You threw it out there, cheeks slightly heating adding your own double entendre, though the way Taehyung suddenly tensed for a second had you feeling more confident, the puff of air he sucked in apparent. 

The conversation only ended with a satisfied hum from Taehyung as he watched you bake, a nice rumble that reverberated from his chest and into your back, feeling an odd arousal spike all the way down to your toes. 

It was already lethal with his pretty hands holding around your waist, the closeness an added thrill. It made your chest fill with something riveting, almost anticipatory of what all of this meant between you two, excited for wherever this night would truly go. 

It wasn’t long before it came time for Taehyung to plate and decorate the cookies, carefully placing his little embellishments he swore were the cream of the crop as you bickered with him, your incessant teasing resulting in you hugging him from behind while he worked. 

And Taehyung knew he was doomed the second he felt your very obvious chest press into his back, his nerves pumping carnally as he then felt a side of him he’s always hid from you escape its reigns. 

It was damn transparent Seokjin and his girlfriend would win, their exquisite baking and cooking skills having created masterpieces everyone dug into happily. It’d won them the choice of what movie everyone would watch tonight along with a dinner that the losers, surprisingly not you and Taehyung, but Namjoon and his date would have to pay for. 

Everyone was now seeking comfortable positions for the movie around the TV while you were last minute cleaning with Jimin in the kitchen, offering your help after the mess you and Taehyung made with your little flour mishap. 

Taehyung had properly gotten rid of the flour on his sweater, now lounging on an armchair in the living room with his phone in hand. You felt yourself glancing towards him more than you should’ve, reprimanding yourself each time though found yourself doing it nonetheless. 

It was just hard to keep your eyes off him when Taehyung was the epitome of a Greek God, questioning how such a being is allowed to walk among us commoners. His chiseled jawline was far too handsome for his own good, his neck sculpted so perfectly it left you you wondering what it would feel like to mark him up all over, and the way his long legs were manspreading before him was so inviting the sight alone made you figuratively drool. 

And fall even harder. 

You didn’t realize you were ogling until Jimin’s hushed voice pulled you out of your reverie. “You’re staring.” 

You blinked. “What?” 

Jimin chuckled as he continued to wipe the counter one last time. “It’s been 6 years, why don’t you just say something?” 

“There’s nothing to say, Jimin.” You tried brushing him off, though Jimin didn’t buy it. 

“My ass, Y/N. You really think after what happened in the kitchen there’s nothing between you two?” 

“I don’t know, it’s just how Taehyung is.” You concocted an excuse, deflating as you did so.  

Jimin shook his head in disapproval. “It’s been like this since high school, Y/N, why didn’t you just tell Taehyung how you felt?” 

You looked at him in earnestly before softening into a sigh, knowing Jimin was really the only person you ever spilled your feelings for his best friend to. 

“Because I was scared, Jimin. You know how hard it was for me to even admit it to you.” You answered with a quiet voice, scrapping the flour you threw at Taehyung into the garbage. 

“But Y/N, you two... the way you are. What were you so afraid of?” Jimin’s sweet, pacifying voice asked, clearly having been rooting for you both ever since you fessed up. 

“Rejection, Mimi. Even if we’re like that...” You trailed, thinking over your relationship with Taehyung. “What if it’s all only a joke on his end? Taehyung has always been naturally flirty.. and we’re friends. I don’t think I’m any different than a conquest.” 

Jimin understood your point, though made it his own to advise you otherwise, washing out the cloth in the sink. “Y/N, that’s only what you believe.” His eyes told you of genuine support, offering like the comfort fairy he’s always been. “Just because you believe something, doesn’t make it true.” 

And that damn well hit home for you, realizing that maybe you’ve really been in your head too much about this, overthinking by creating doubts and excuses in your head to subdue your fear of confessing to Taehyung, to avoid the hurt of rejection but possibly missing an entire opportunity. 

“You should tell him, Y/N. It’s been long enough, you’ll never know how he feels if you don’t try.” 

You became apprehensive. “But how do you know if he’ll feel the same way?” Jimin could only chuckle to himself, his smile radiant as he found you the most innocent, yet funnily oblivious thing on Earth. 

“Look at the way he acts around you, Y/N.” Jimin advised. “He’s my best friend, and I’ve never seen him like that with anyone except you. Conquests are conquests, but you’re you, and that’s different to him.” 

Your mind instantly went into a frenzy, thinking well fuck, Jimin is Taehyung’s best friend, and he’s telling you that all this time Taehyung has never really enacted the same behaviour and energy with anyone expect you? This whole time? What does he mean you’re different? You’re.. different to him? Aren’t you just his female friend he’s known since ninth grade, and so surely there’s nothing but the added value of history there, right? 

Right?

You were only left to digest Jimin’s words as you placed the dustpan back to its original spot, Jimin finishing up with the sink. The conversation ended there, Jimin guiding you back to the living room and nestling himself next to his date. You were distracted with Jimin’s suggestions until you walked into the space and realized there was nowhere for you to sit, the couples perfectly paired up and occupying all the available space. 

Your entrance is what made Taehyung snap his vision to you from his phone, watching your confused face contemplating where to sit until he whispered to you, motioning towards himself on the armchair furthest from the screen and tucked behind the other couches. “Y/N, come here.” 

You studied his placement, on a singular armchair with his lap very much open. You shivered at the sight, though protested in a hushed tone realizing the chair could really only fit him. “There’s nowhere for me to sit.” 

Taehyung then spread his legs a little further apart and tapped his thigh, revealing some space for you to sit.. on him. “You can sit here.” 

You were glad the lights were turned off, just so Taehyung didn’t have to see the blush that rose to your cheeks when you answered. “Um, o-okay.” 

You then ambled over to him in front of the rather comfy looking armchair, thanking God everyone was too distracted bickering over Seokjin’s movie choice to pay attention to you both. 

“Are you.. sure about this?” You managed to get out, mind going feral over the fact that one of your previous thoughts was actually manifesting itself, nearly chickening out. 

“Mhm, just sit on me.” Taehyung offered casually, his expression unreadable and ultimately making you doubt Jimin’s advice from before, realizing that Taehyung has always been a hard person to read, which is why you could never tell how he felt about you, shutting your trap about damn love confessions. 

You didn’t respond and rather tentatively made it to the take your seat, the seat that was Taehyung’s fucking lap. You placed your ass on his thigh with your legs thrown over him, angling yourself so that the temple of your head rested against his shoulder. 

Though it proved to be lethal in seconds, his cologne now completely flooding your nostrils and the thin skirt of your dress leaving much of your clothed core feeling the muscle of his thigh. 

You felt Taehyung tense underneath for a second as you adjusted the skirt of your dress over your own thighs, smoothing it over properly as your hands then clasped in your own lap. 

Taehyung was glad you didn’t have the ability to read his mind, because the second he realized everyone was naturally pairing up to cuddle with their dates, it would only mean you two would have to do the same. So when you paddled over, standing before him in that cute dress he’s been wanting to tear off you this entire party, he was more than thrilled to offer his lap as your seat. 

But when you actually sat on him, your ass and hints of your core against his thigh with your tempting legs draped over him, he was continuously beginning to think dangerously, salaciously. 

He tried to keep his breathing leveled, though the second he felt you adjust against him and your covered center press onto him, he knew he would never survive whatever fucking movie everyone eventually settled on. 

When it finally began to play, Taehyung snaked his arms around your waist and held you to him, feeling your breath hitch for the tiniest second before you relaxed. 

And it damn well thrilled him. 

The movie was beginning to progress now, Taehyung and yourself in the same comfortable position until you yawned and snuggled more into him, a hand coming up to drape across his chest and head finding shelter closer into his neck. 

Taehyung tensed again, feeling every breath you took with the weight of your smaller body on top of him, mind racing with thoughts he couldn’t keep quiet anymore. 

And especially when you shifted your ass a little against his leg, he twitched with something so much more carnal, blood pumping somewhere it shouldn’t and this time, Taehyung didn’t really feel like holding back anymore. 

His hands suddenly faltered, his palms coming to singularly rest against one of your thighs, clasping it slightly. He knew there was nothing but your leg with only pantyhose as a barrier for your skin, sending currents through his veins thinking you could definitely feel his every touch. 

You nearly jolted when Taehyung’s hands met the meat of your thigh, the placement shooting more arousal through you than it should’ve. 

You were calm until Taehyung suddenly inched his hand towards the inner part of your thigh, making your core clench and hand clutch his sweater to contain the electricity it sent. 

You’ve always had such dirty thoughts about what Taehyung’s hands could do, the slenderness and length of his fingers always revving your imagination. So to have his fingers just on the inside of your thigh, sitting in his lap as he seemed to be teasing, was enough to send your brain spiraling. 

Your scandalous thoughts made you shift against him to experimentally feel the friction, your core grinding against his thigh for a moment and Taehyung’s breath immediately hitched. His grip on you tightened and his hold tensed, had you suppressing the feeling of making a sound. 

He slid more inward, closer to the prize he was seeking and you could only hide your face into the junction of his neck at the way your pussy felt butterflies. It made you squish your thighs together to feel something, and God fuck, was the tension between you two so searing you could feel it radiating off Taehyung’s body. 

It’s what made whispering slowly against him flow easily, quiet so as not to alarm anyone in the living room. 

“I thought you were a good boy, Tae. What are you doing?” Your voice was sultrier than you planned, and it wasn’t chastising him at all, rather teasing for something more. 

You could only feel the rise and fall of Taehyung’s chest underneath you as he contained himself, the cuddling leaving you to feel his every micro-movement when he responded. 

“I thought you were a good girl, what are you doing?” Taehyung’s voice was low and deep, the vibration coursing through your body and it only invited you to become hornier. 

“Guess I’m not a good girl after all.” 

Taehyung made a sound as though scoffing, dangerous in its tone. 

“Guess I’m not a good boy, either.” And just after, Taehyung inched his fingers even closer to your clothed core, making the slightest of contact on your slit through the material of your dress and you practically twitched in his hold, sucking in a breath as you clasped onto the fabric of his shirt. 

“You have no idea..” Taehyung suddenly spoke up, voice laden with something hungry, hot. “what I’ve always thought about doing to you.” 

You could only jolt in his lap, more of his cologne meeting your nose and it caused you to suppress a sound by stuffing your face into his neck. “What.. have you thought about?” 

Taehyung then suddenly cupped your sex over your clothes, making you grapple onto his neck and bite back a moan so hard you had to breathe through your nose. 

“How I want to ruin you.” Taehyung’s low baritone and rough palm rubbing teasingly against your now aching pussy left you gushing, arousal racking the bottom of your stomach you were almost afraid of how easy it was for him. 

Your breath was shallower now, trying to compose yourself by egging him on. “You’d want to ruin an innocent girl like me?”

“I know you’re not innocent, princess.” Taehyung asserted with the slightest growl to his tone, thankful your seat was positioned behind the rest of the others so nobody could see what was going on. 

“Only when it comes to you.” Your seductive voice beckoned lust to course through Taehyung, breathing out hot air. “What else?” You suddenly croaked out. 

Taehyung hummed lowly into your ear, his palm smoothing over your cunt in ways that had you screwing your eyes shut. “How I want to make you beg.” He purposefully pressed harder against your clit, had you scratching into the column of his throat. “Make you scream my name.”   

You gushed your arousal even more, breathless with your words. “I bet you say that to everyone.”

Taehyung chuckled dismissively, dipping his head lower to whisper darkly into your ear. 

“I only say that to pretty little things I want to ruin, and you’re the prettiest little thing I know.” 

Your breath came out in a weighty puff, sighing satisfyingly against him as you snaked your hand from his neck down to the hardening length in his pants. You grazed your palm over his clothes and he twitched almost violently, biting back his hiss with a strong grip against your thigh with his free hand. You grew proud, speaking up when it boosted your ego. 

“I’d love to see you try.” 

And that was when the pads of Taehyung’s fingers pressed into your clothed cunt so euphorically you were seconds from letting out a moan, Taehyung cupping his palm over your mouth to silence you. 

“Shh.” Taehyung sounded by your ear. “Can’t let everyone hear my girl, now can I?” He hushed you huskily, leaving you to sigh your arousal into his large palm and eternally grateful the movie’s volume was loud enough to mask your talking.

Taehyung then began the slowest circular ministrations on your clit, shooting continuous pleasure through your body as you clutched your hand onto his wrist holding your mouth, urgently trying to suppress moans he was easily milking out of you. 

It felt like sparks, continuous sparks in your covered pussy as Taehyung rubbed against your folds, gliding down to your slit and teasing your throbbing hole. 

The mere prospect of his fingers shoving inside you made you wet beyond comprehension, only digging little crescents into his forearm with muted moans. It was sickening how easily he had you turned on, how easily you were getting riled up by just his fingers, and so you mustered the strength to lightly stroke his cock over his pants as revenge.

Taehyung then put pressure against your clenching hole as punishment, shoving your face into his neck when he teased your entrance and squishing his hand between your thighs with his other urging them open. 

“Look at you,” Taehyung growled. “all fucked out just by my fingers.” He whispered darkly into your ear, the vibration of his baritone voice once again sending you into overdrive. “They’re not even inside you yet.” 

The ‘yet’ had you restless, body grinding against him and this time it was Taehyung trying suppress a satisfied groan. 

“If my fingers have you like this, imagine my-” 

“Oh c’mon! That’s not even realistic!” Seokjin suddenly shouted at the screen, startling you and Taehyung. 

“Jin, calm down. It’s just a feel-good Christmas movie.” Yoongi cautioned him. 

“How the fuck does the kid just free the burglar from the cop car? It’s damn common sense.” Seokjin complained about the scene from Christmas with the Kranks, having been unsatisfied with the movie since the beginning. 

“Baby, why’d you choose this movie?” He whined to his girlfriend Sa-Ha, her feigning innocence as she defended herself. 

“It’s almost over, Jinnie. Just sitand watch.” 

And that’s when Taehyung ripped his hands off you, leaving you to breathe out ruggedly for a few seconds before your vision looked up at Taehyung’s, mutually shocked at what the fuck just happened.

You’ve never done something like that before, and as your scared sights looked back at each other, you could only think you were both under some sort of horney trance that swept you two into uncharted waters. 

It made you divert your eyes from Taehyung immediately, your mind going blank. 

Taehyung was left hard and extremely turned on, though began dissipating once he couldn’t fathom he went that far with you so quickly, his brain having been clouded by lust he should’ve kept in check.

And with the way you looked at him, panicked and snapping your vision away in an instant, he doesn’t know if he just made a grave mistake. 

You both became shameful, swallowing dryly as your attentions fixated back onto the screen, thinking about what just transpired. 

There was this incessant feeling in both your chests contemplating there was something more, clearly more between you two. 

And it was downright fearful. 

“Yah, why are you guys leaving so early? C’mon! There’s still half the eggnog left.” Seokjin pouted from across the room, sadly chugging his drink as the others hummed in agreeance. 

“Yeah, c’mon guys. It’s the holidays, let’s all spend it together, sleep over for the fuck of it!” Hoseok chimed in what you could tell was an inebriated state, practically swaying as he talked and the lilt in his tone ever-so cheery. 

“Um, excuse me? Sleep over? Nobody’s doing that.” Jimin shoot him down from where he stood near you and Taehyung, scolding his friends with crossed arms. “If they want to leave they’re allowed, we already made Y/N abandon her Christmas for us.” 

“It’s alright, Jimin. I missed you guys too, I wanted to come.” You offered sentimentally, hand touching his elbow to let him up and he eased. 

“Since you’re officially back in town, we’re never leaving you alone again, Y/N!” Namjoon called out from the living room, engrossed in whatever was playing on the TV. 

“Yup, seriously not going to leave you alone.” Yoongi hummed with half-lidded eyes, near falling asleep on the couch. 

“I still owe you for those math notes, expect me becoming your Genie for a day!” Jungkook called out from the kitchen, most likely munching on the treats everyone crafted during the competition earlier. 

“Of course, I’ll see you guys! Merry Christmas!” 

“Merry Christmas!” Everyone cheered, their dates similarly adding on. 

You then brought your attention back to Jimin, seeing you and Taehyung out as the wonderful host of today’s party. “Thank you for the party, Jimin, it was amazing.” 

“Yeah.” Taehyung perked up next to you, apologetic he was so negligent of the party in the first place. “It was seriously fun, Jimin, I’m sorry I acted like it wasn’t a big deal before.” 

“Nah, don’t sweat it.” Jimin casually waved him off. “Dude, you could text me a Merry Christmas and I’d be alright, you know us.” Jimin smiled reassuringly, right on your toes when Taehyung and yourself stepped into his front foyer.  

You were both fixing on your shoes just before Jimin’s door when he spoke up again. “It was great having you guys, and even better having you, Y/N, come here.” Jimin held out his arms for a warm hug, you returning it merrily. “You’re always welcomed here with us, visit anytime you want.”

“Thanks, Jimin, it really means a lot.” Your grateful eyes found his once you disconnected. 

“We’ll get going now, thank you again, Jimin.” Taehyung for some odd reason placed an arm around your shoulder, pulling you two a little closer and you simply accepted the action, trying not to read into it. 

“Of course.” Jimin replied. “Though one last thing, you remember the theme of this party, right?” Jimin asked you both, you and Taehyung similarly responded with knitted eyebrows. 

“Yeah?” 

“Well look up, lovebirds.” Jimin cocked his head upwards towards the ceiling, casually leaning against the corridor of his entrance when you and Taehyung glanced up, innocently viewing the little mistletoe dangling above your heads, eyes reflecting the realization of what Jimin was conveying. 

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Jimin added with a purposefully hushed, knowing tone. He was just about turning away until he called out in caution. “Oh, careful driving, by the way. I just heard the snow got bad.” And with that, Jimin left nothing but his sweet cologne in the air when he disappeared.

You and Taehyung shuffled about a little, not exactly daring to exchange gazes when the air became all stuffy. 

You were both mutually pondering what the absolute hell to do in this moment. Do you kiss? Do you not kiss? Do you awkwardly try to address what happened earlier after silently agreeing with your dicey body language to never speak of it again? Or hell, do you damn well take Jimin’s advice and just flat out tell him you’ve always had feelings for him? 

Wait. 

Jimin’s advice. 

It came back to you, thinking Jimin was actually extremely wise in what he said. You took to his words into consideration, studying some of the little things Taehyung did around you, from the things he uttered all the way down to the simple way he even looked at you, contemplating something, just something had to be there.

But then maybe, just maybe you could also chalk it up to his naturally flirtatious behaviour you’ve always observed, always habitually affectionate with people and that’s what’s always made him so easily lovable in the first place, what made Taehyung a boy who was born to be loved. 

And he was tricky, his expressions and feelings always indistinguishable with the composed, nuanced way he carried himself especially now, convincing you reading him was a lost cause. 

Though as you glanced at Taehyung right now, visibly nervous, his usually schooled face and unreadable expression now indicating nerves, awkwardness you two have never really experienced between each other before, you decided maybe you should stop making excuses. 

Stop avoiding signs and doubting his every move and burying your feelings so deep underground, that maybe you should just fucking take your leap of faith already. 

So you stepped closer to him, your figure almost laughably smaller compared to him, and watched as his pretty eyes brightened in surprise at you. 

It only took a few seconds, for your lips to curve reassuringly, for your soft hands to cup his face delicately against the edge of his sharp jaw. To get on the tip of your toes and bring your lips to Taehyung’s, pressing a heartfelt kiss to mouth. 

A kiss so very soft and tender, it was like teenagers kissing for the very first time, and it made you giggle on the inside, thinking that’s exactly how your entire ordeal has felt like; your two teenage selves trying to navigate whatever feelings lied between you. 

Taehyung was shocked, having been silently berating himself for being too bold too quickly and thinking his abandonment of chivalry in that instance was wrong, the air between you having been tainted with a sense of unspoken, though apparent awkwardness for the rest of the party. 

But now, now you were kissing him, and for the first time, his insides leaping at just the prospect. It felt like a damn dream, though the press of your mouth against his confirmed it was in fact real, that it was gladly his sweet reality. 

That after years of imagining what it would feel like, he’s kissing the girl he’s loved since the second he saw her hair glow in the rays of the sunset, the minute he realized she wasn’t just pretty, but beautiful to him, the hour he’d witness the moonlight kiss her skin when she stayed up with him on sleepless nights, leading all the way up to the year he realized she’d leave him, so soon, so fucking soon it absolutely crushed him. 

And Taehyung wouldn’t admit it you, but your departure left his heart ravaged for quite possibly years, continuously overthinking how different things would’ve been if he just told you. Told you how he felt, told you that behind every innuendo, behind every hug, every tease, every stupid smile he flashed your way, that there was love behind it all. 

Pure, unadulterated love. 

He regretted it for months, for years thinking he’d truly lost the greatest opportunity in his life having let you go without protest, without fighting for you like he should’ve. 

It hurt, it hurt until he’d eventually grown accustomed to the ache in his heart whenever he saw that same plaid pattern on anyone else, reminded of the jacket you wore to school everyday. The way he found himself subconsciously comparing nearly every girl he dated to you, how on rainy days and quiet nights, he sometimes wondered where you were, what you were doing, if you were awake at this time of night like he usually was, remembering the way the moonlight always seemed to love you, just like he loved you. 

And he still did, Taehyung thought. He still loved you, now feeling your lips kiss him, your adorable height making you tippy-toe, the gentle way you held his face comforting. 

Your lips then disconnected, Taehyung seeing your gaze was warm, something so reminiscent of affection, adoration in your eyes, and he thought in that one, singular moment that maybe, just maybe... 

You loved him too. 

“Fuck, this snow is bad.” Taehyung swore as he gauged any clear path of the road ahead.

“I hate to admit this, but the group was right. It was probably better staying at Jimin’s.” You sighed, worried about the amount of damn white you were seeing blanket the world outside. 

“I thought if we left early we could escape it, but shit, mother nature is always so fickle.” He complained. 

“It’s her charm, unfortunately.” You shrugged, realizing there was truly no way for you to get home now. “It’s early too, the snow ploughs won’t clear the roads just yet.” There was suddenly a concerned lilt to your tone as you peered ahead, gripping Taehyung’s arm and it grabbed his attention. “It’s getting dangerous too, Tae. I don’t want you driving in this.” 

Taehyung was glad he had the gifted ability of hiding his emotions, because right now he would’ve been embarrassingly over the moon. He smiled back to you reassuringly, then contemplated an alternative.

“Would you.. rather come to my place?” Taehyung inquired, biting his lip once he realized he stupidly stuttered. 

You blinked. “What?” 

“Well, my place is much closer, and it’d be less dangerous driving there. You can just stay until they clear the roads.” Taehyung relayed casually, expectant eyes on you as his hands tapped against the steering wheel. 

Your face slowly turned into an appreciative smile, taken aback by his act of kindness, but also felt something exciting tickle the bottom of your stomach. 

“Sure, I’d love that.” 

Taehyung shut the door of his apartment as you removed your boots, shredding stray snowflakes off his jacket when he spotted similar ones on yours, his hands naturally jutting out to rid the tiny icicles off you. 

You turned around at his touch, thanking him and he smiled a welcome back. He’d taken your jacket just like before and tucked them away into his closet, gesturing towards his living room for you to get comfortable. 

“Make yourself at home, do you want water or anything?” 

“Yeah, actually. Water would be nice.” Taehyung nodded as he made for his kitchen, you tucking the skirt of your dress underneath you as you took your humble seat on his couch. 

His home was so painfully Taehyung, it had you smiling like an idiot he was still the same. The same introspective Taehyung who adored art and photography, the same Taehyung who absolutely hated shoes and you could tell just by the way he abandoned them earlier he still had the same habit. Even to the way his house reflected this artistic, calming, and nuanced feeling he similarly had.

It drew you to admire some of the pieces draping his walls, when Taehyung returned with a glass of water, handing it to you as he plopped down on the couch. “Here.” 

“Thank you.” You took the glass, gulping down some of the liquid for your parched throat. 

“Your apartment is nice.” 

“Thanks.”

You then both sat in silence for a short while, tapping the edge of the glass in your hand as you scanned the rest of his charming home. The silence wasn’t awkward considering the past events of today, just a silence in its definition. 

“I still can’t believe I ran into you at a coffee shop.” Taehyung suddenly remarked, looking off at his table in front with a smile tugging his lips. 

You chuckled. “Why? Too meet-cute for you?” 

“No.” He chuckled too. “It’s just, I really thought it was the end when you left after graduation.” Taehyung paused for a poignant moment, air heavy with something as you watched him muster the courage to say something else. 

“I thought I’d never see you again.” 

He claimed it with such a sense of sadness, sense of longing that reminded you of how upset you also were that day, the rampant emotions that came crashing down realizing you were leaving behind an entire life. 

“Me too.” You added with a similarly downcast tone. “I thought I’d never see you again, either.” 

Taehyung then looked at you, eyes meeting your gaze. “I’m glad that wasn’t true.” Something lingered behind his words, something incredibly thick and telling, though you deflected it with a joke to lighten the air. 

“I’m glad you didn’t delete my PowerPoints, either.” You snickered, hand coming up to cover your mouth, “I used to put a lot of work into them.”

Taehyung scoffed playfully, smiling through a chuckle as he responded. “I didn’t have the heart to. You were so passionate about your hatred for fruit on pizza.” 

“I still am.” You added. “Do you really have them?” 

“Yeah, I do. Let me show you.” Taehyung then pulled out his phone from his pocket, clicking away on the device as he scooted closer to you and leaned in, you similarly doing so and peering at a Google Drive folder of your wonderfully crafted presentations.

“Oh my God, I thought you were joking.” You snorted, snickering at the hilarious folder name; ‘Y/N says Fuck Hawaiian Pizza: the Saga’

“Nope, couldn’t delete them even if I was dared to.” Taehyung laughed with you, both of your eyes naturally falling as he shut off his phone, the conversation shifting. 

“You know, I never actually hated it that much.” You admitted sheepishly. “I just liked annoying you and wasting 5 minutes of your day with every presentation.” 

Taehyung looked scandalized at first, mouth falling agape until he ultimately let it go, admitting something of his own. “You know, I never actually needed your history notes. I just liked being annoying about stealing them so you always had to chase me down.” Taehyung’s smile was suddenly impish, shy as he fixated on fiddling with his slender fingers. 

“After all that running I always did after you too? Jheez, you’re the reason I have strong calves now.” 

“And you’re the reason I’m really good at presentations now.” You both chuckled together, the old days coming back in bouts until your mood changed, remembering Jimin’s advice from earlier. 

As you looked at Taehyung, while he didn’t look at you, you could only help but find every reason in the world to listen to Jimin. Because Taehyung was Taehyung, he was the Taehyung that stole your heart with his boxy grin, the Taehyung who made every other man seem like an unappealing idiot you wanted nothing to do with, the same Taehyung who’s heart was made of love, and you wanted nothing but to return to him the love he gifted the world.

Because you loved Taehyung, no matter how much you’ll try to deny it, you still love him. All his smiles and giggles and soft hair and his sometimes coltish, though endearing ways of being himself. All his hard expressions and intimidating eyes and handsome looks and the way he holds a universe of stars in his old soul.  

So your next words flowed, flowed more fluently than anything ever has in your life. 

“You know,” You paused, eyes faltering to the glass in your hand. “I think, for the majority of high school... I had a crush on you, but I never said anything because I thought you wouldn’t want me.” 

And there came the silence, the piercing, God awful silence you were so afraid of and so sure was spelling your doom. You didn’t dare look up from your glass now, downright terrified he was probably pulling the most confused face ever, and his silence was deafening. It had you contemplating the best way to jump out his window, he was only, what, 14 stories up? A human can survive a fall that high, right? 

“You wanna know something?” Taehyung suddenly broke the silence, his deep, dulcet voice sounding beautifully in his apartment, and your eyes widened the second he opened his mouth next. 

“I think I was in love with you for the majority of high school, but I didn’t say anything because I thought you never felt the same way.” And that’s when everything clicked, when your eyes widened in revelation, when it suddenly felt like the 6 years you spent battling your feelings for him was nothing but a sad joke. 

Because this moment, alone, made you realize you two had the same hearts all along. 

“You wanna know something?” You swallowed hard, eyes still on your glass as it shifted in your hand mindlessly. “I think... I’m still in love with you.” 

You couldn’t see Taehyung, because you didn’t dare look at him at a time like this. You just sat there, breathing as leveled as you could until you felt Taehyung shift on the couch. He’d moved closer, closing the small gap between you both, beckoning you to finally look at him and that’s exactly what you did. 

He spoke low, deep and low and it had your toes curling at just how proximal he was, his beautiful eyes gazing at you like you meant the universe and more to him. 

And little did you know, you really did. 

“I think..” He started, gripping the glass of water from your hands and placing it onto his coffee table. “I’m still in love with you, too.” 

And your heart was set ablaze in a matter of seconds, your tentative eyes finding Taehyung’s as he leaned in, large palms on either side of your body as he inched closer, closer, and closer, until all he could see were your lips, jutting his face forward until his lips just brushed yours. 

You chased his mouth a little, fluttering your eyes shut and Taehyung couldn’t help but smile before finally, finally pressing his lips to yours. 

His mouth kissed you slow at first, slow and steady and it was intoxicating just like this. He constantly chased your lips, mouthing at them sensually and it was driving you insane, just the taste of his lips with a hint of wine on his breath shooting electricity to your core. 

His hands moved to your sides, wrapping around your rib cage as he leaned you back onto the couch and laid on top of you. His body covered you as far as you could see, your dainty hands coming up to find his jawline and pull him against your lips fervently.

He slowly grew more passionate, smoothing over your sides as he mouthed for more of you, swallowing the little moans you made that vibrated through his body and it only revved is engine more. 

Taehyung was taken, completely taken by how much he wanted you that he could only see you, could only think about all the dirty but soft and tender and passionate things he wanted to do to you. 

One of his hands travelled underneath your thigh, pulling your leg up against him as he pressed his hips into your core, his hardening cock prodding you through his clothes once he started a gentle rocking motion. 

Your hands travelled up his beautiful neck and tangled into his hair as you reciprocated. A slight tug left him groaning into your mouth, causing you to buck up into him harshly and it sent Taehyung’s mind into a dangerous place. 

His breathing elevated against you, gripping your ribs so urgently it only made you pull him closer, arch your chest into his just so you could relish in the feeling. Your heart was thrumming in your chest, veins coursing with adrenaline so white hot it wasn’t long before you were moving desperately with Taehyung and it fueled your horny nerves.

Taehyung suddenly disconnected his mouth from you, breathing so shallow his chest was rising and falling fast. He was only centimeters above as he looked down at you, his eyes boring into yours with such a prominent sense of longing, want, pure desire, it took him no time to speak. 

“Do you know how long..” He took a breath. “I’ve wanted to do that?” 

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted you to do that?” You replied, hands now smoothing over his shoulders to feel him, his body raging hot as he laid on top of you, looking at you like you were the only thing he ever wanted. 

“Fuck, we’re so stupid.” Taehyung quickly said before his mouth crashed onto yours. This time there was something carnal in his kiss, something urgent and hot and it only made you pull him closer for more. 

His tongue began to lick over your lips, slithering inside your mouth and the taste of him was euphoric, making you tangle your tongue with his just to taste him over and over again, until it was safe to say your tongues were down each other’s throats. 

He kissed you sloppily, kissed until he was consuming you, his fingers digging into your thigh and side so fervently you knew there’d be marks, and it made your spine shiver, even more so when he spoke again. 

“The minute.. I saw you in that dress..” He breathed out, kissing in between the exhaustion of his lungs. “I wanted to rip it off you.” 

You groaned desperately at his confession, wanting Taehyung in ways that were so utterly carnal, almost feral, your entire being wanting to consume every inch of him, lay a million kisses across his honey-coloured skin and hear his caramel voice whisper into your ear, and so it didn’t take long for you to voice your desire. 

“Taehyung..” You sighed, a satisfied lilt to your tone and it only lit Taehyung on fire. 

“Mm?” He hummed, licking into your mouth on a quest for everything inside, his hips now grinding into your clothed cunt so harshly he was practically dry humping you, and without a second thought you were moving yourself against him too, hands exploring his broad chest. 

“Taehyung..” You were more urgent, and it made Taehyung grunt harshly. “Rip it off me, Tae, unwrap me like you said you would.” You started harshly tugging at his offensive shirt, tracing the column of his throat as you relished in his delicious kisses. 

And it all made Taehyung move so much harder, so much more roughly you were moaning into his mouth at the press of his hard, long cock against your aching core. 

“Ruin me, Taehyung.” You scratched your nails against his neck, swallowing him into your mouth as you talked. “I want you to ruin me.” 

“Fuck,” Taehyung swore, his length beginning to prod you so much more apparently as you bucked your hips up into him, it was sending Taehyung down the proverbial hole. And when you let out another gorgeous moan of his name, he knew he was a goner. 

“Fuck, I can’t do this anymore.” 

Taehyung then harshly grabbed your wrists and forced them against the couch in a single motion, eyes growing dark with heat radiating of his body in waves. He darted to the underside of your jaw and kissed hard, began mouthing at your skin until he travelled to the junction of your neck, sucking over the sensitive skin so rampantly it had you squirming underneath him, desperately trying to feel him against your core. 

His pretty purple marks began blooming onto your neck, evidence of his raw desire for you, the years he spent longing for you. His teeth were nipping your skin, tongue licking over the bites as he pressed your wrists further into the couch the more you resisted. 

You breath hitched when he moved to the slightly exposed valley of your breasts, making your nipples harden at just the prospect of his mouth travelling there. You began fighting his hold, causing you to arch into him as something dawned on you. 

“Taehyung.. your shirt.” You whined, trying to manage the pleasure of his mouth canvasing your skin. 

Taehyung left you for a mere second to shred off the annoying piece of clothing, tossing it aside as he returned to you urgently, your legs hooking around his torso as he came back to you. 

His mouth was sucking hickeys onto your chest again when his hands began to smooth down your sides, so sensually purposeful until he reached underneath the hem of your dress, hooking onto the waistline of your pantyhose and panties, tugging teasingly. 

Your core ignited at just his touch against bare skin, gushing as your hips harshly grinded against his body and your hands smoothed over the lean muscle of his body. 

He yanked the pieces of clothing down the curve of your ass, proceeding to pull them past your thighs as you unhooked your legs to help take them off you. 

The rush of the cold against your wet pussy lips made your breath hitch beautifully, one of Taehyung’s hands moving your skirt to let his large, warm palm cup your sex so pleasurably the contrast of the size of his hand and your little cunt sent you both ablaze. 

“You’re so small, think you can take me, good girl?” Taehyung breathed against your chest. “I’ll fuck up your insides.” His baritone voice was dark and low as he warned you, sent arousal spiking through your nerves as you groaned. 

“Fuck up my insides, Tae.” You desperately moaned out, hands finding Taehyung’s hair as he continued to lay searing kisses to your hot skin, his fingers rubbing your dripping folds harshly. “I just.. I need you, Taehyung, so fucking badly.” 

“Say it again.” Taehyung hissed, exposing one of your bare breasts from your dress and pressing his tongue against a perched nipple, the wet sensation so satisfying you were scratching his shoulder blades. 

“I-I need you, Taehyung.” 

“Need me where?” He growled as he pressed against your clit and circled it, collecting your slick and spreading it all over yourself. 

And it was hard, so fucking hard to think straight with your bare, soaking wet pussy was rubbing against Taehyung’s rough fingers and his lips sucking your exposed nipple for dear life, the pleasure burning inside you so hot your voice was coming out in choked moans. 

“Need you inside, Taehyung.” You gasped out. “So empty without you, so fucking empty, for so long.” 

“God, fuck.” Taehyung groaned proudly, popping off your breast to look at your half-lidded eyes, his own blown out with his hair mussed and lips swollen pink. He returned to your lips again as his hands simultaneously hooked underneath your thighs and suddenly lifted you off the couch, your legs secured around his torso as he walked you into what you assumed was his bedroom. 

Your core rubbed against the buckle of Taehyung’s belt as he walked and you gushed oceans, the cool metal providing such delicious friction you were moaning satisfyingly into Taehyung’s mouth, grinding against him for more. 

His kiss was fervent even when he splayed you onto his covers, back hitting the bed as you stroked your hands over his beautiful bare chest. 

Taehyung suddenly came off you, eyes going wild as he looked down at your panting figure underneath him, then your offensive dress. 

“Fuck this thing.” Taehyung nearly ripped it from your body, shredding the pretty fabric off and simply basked in the glory of seeing your naked body for the very first time. 

Taehyung’s eyes filled with pure wonder, the moonlight and reflection of white snow falling outside adding a glow to your skin he couldn’t help but marvel at, your curves so beautiful he wanted to run his hands all over, the purple of his marks left on you only making him blossom with more arousal, more passion. 

“Holy shit, you’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Taehyung’s face was so blown away, you couldn’t help but grow a little shy, bringing him close to you by his neck so you could breathe into his ear. 

“Good, I hear you ruin them.” 

Taehyung could only smirk, rolling his tongue on the inside of his cheek, cock twitching at just your words. “You’re gonna be the death of me.” 

Taehyung trailed one hand down your body, momentarily wrapping it around your throat until it was gliding over your nipple and down to your core, lining the lips of your pussy so teasingly you were reeling. 

The pads of his fingers smoothed over your pussy lips again, applying pressure to your clit that had you lurching, until he used the opportunity to slide two fingers into your aching hole with ease. 

“You’re so fucking wet, dripping all over my fingers.” He growled into your ear as he laid himself on top of you, his free hand holding your face while the other worked your core. 

The sharpness of his long, slender fingers were euphoric, causing you to moan loudly. You could see his hard dick pressing against the fabric of his slacks almost painfully, and you jutted your hand out to begin palming him generously. 

Taehyung could finally hiss as loud as he wanted, screwing his eyes shut in sheer pleasure. 

He began pumping you faster in response, sliding in and out so deliciously you were moaning incessantly against his mouth as he began kissing you again. Your breasts were pressing into Taehyung’s bare chest the more you arched yourself, closing the offensive gap between you both and the skin to skin contact sending you both to cloud nine. 

“Taehyung..” You moaned in between kisses, so shameless about your desire for him you only wanted to know his name. 

“Taehyung.” 

“Fucking hell, that does shit to me.” Taehyung began thrusting harshly into your hole now as punishment, practically finger-fucking you against his bed till it made your walls clamp down on him, trap his slender fingers inside so you could feel every heavenly inch of them.

You became hungry for more, your hand grabbing at Taehyung’s straining cock harder and the strangled groan that left his lips was so fucking beautiful, your insides were screaming. 

“Shit, Taehyung,” You moaned out breathlessly. “You’re so hot like this, so fucking hot. Fuck me, fuck me like you said you would. ” 

Taehyung’s breaths turned heavy and hungry, his cock aching to be inside you so painfully he was going insane at your every word. 

“Fuck. I’m fucking you into next week. I’m fucking you until you only know my name. Fucking you until you know how badly I’ve wanted you, until your legs are shaking and you feel me in your throat.” 

“Then do it.” You nearly cried out, hands fumbling with the waistband of Taehyung’s pants. Your pussy was aching so excruciatingly around Taehyung’s fingers your slick was gushing from you, all over him and it only made Taehyung feral thinking about what would happen if it were his dick instead. 

“Fucking do it, Taehyung, fuck me until I’m shaking.” 

Taehyung flipped his switch and suddenly shoved his fingers so deep inside you, scissoring you completely open it made you lurch up in searing pleasure. His large palm grabbed underneath your head and positioned you upwards, able to angle his fingers so he could smash them inside you so harshly it was pathetic it wasn’t even his dick that had you high, but just his fingers. 

“Holy fuck, Taehyung!” 

“Cum all over my fingers, pretty. I wanna hear you.” Taehyung growled into your ear, couldn’t help but think about your walls convulsing around his dick and it was euphoric hearing you moan, all fucked out underneath him. 

He couldn’t stop finger-fucking you like his life depended on it, wanted to fill you up in so many ways you’d remember him for weeks. 

You were almost there, the edge so close. It was racking the bottom of your stomach, had your toes curling and walls pounding so snug around Taehyung’s fingers you could only latch onto the nape of his neck for dear life. 

You felt it, felt it so near and had his name leaving your mouth in such an intoxicating mantra you were seconds from letting go. Seconds, milliseconds, just about to release your impending orgasm until Taehyung ripped his fingers out of you. 

You gasped scandalously at the loss, body buzzing with your unachieved high it made your exclaim come out in a garbled protest.  “Taehyung, what the fuck?!” 

You tried getting an answer, but Taehyung’s hungry, half-lidded eyes shut you up immediately, watching him lick his fingers like he was starved, like this was the sweetest honey he’s ever tasted. 

“Fuck, you taste as sweet as you look.” Taehyung’s grin was evil, and it made you turned on but pissed he denied your orgasms. 

“You’re so-” You attempted to get out, but Taehyung suddenly flipped you onto all fours in a second, your hands and knees anchored onto the bed with only your shocked figure confused. 

“T-Taehyung, what are you-” You then sighed at the sudden touch of his tongue meeting your weeping hole in a devilish swipe. It was intoxicating, feeling his wet muscle begin licking into your core and tasting your soaked folds from behind. 

“I’m doing what you asked..” His voice was dark and weighty, and that’s when you suddenly felt another sensation of his two fingers returning to your throbbing entrance. Your insides buzzed when he spoke against your core, grittier than he ever has all night. “I’m going to fucking ruin you.” 

And his tongue suddenly slithered into your hole when he removed his fingers, licking into your entrance in a harsh rhythm as his palms began grabbing at your ass, kneading the meaty flesh as he straight up devoured your pussy like it was the only thing he’s wanted his entire life. 

His tongue was lapping you fervently, so starved your dissipated orgasm was coming back again. You were winded, having never been eaten out like this and you were moaning his name loud enough to get noise complaints filed to the police. 

“Taehyung!” You cried out, though he didn’t let up. Instead he brought one of his hands to your pulsing clit, circling and applying so much necessary pressure you were losing your mind, insane off the fact he hadn’t even filled you up with his cock yet and you were pathetic underneath him. 

“Fucking God, Taehyung, Tae!” And when he groaned so audibly into your pussy, rutting himself against the bed for friction it sent you flying, soaring into the sky and losing all coherent thought as your orgasm bubbled in your stomach, his husky voice grounding you to Earth. 

“Cum for me, baby, now.” And that was all it took to have you lurching over the edge, releasing your pent up orgasm so violently you were nearly screaming, Taehyung’s name the only distinguishable thing rolling off your tongue. 

He licked up your juices like they were fresh water, helping you ride out your euphoric orgasm and allowing yourself a moment to rest. You breathed, falling onto the bed in exhaustion, trying to quell the blood pumping in your ears when Taehyung suddenly pulled you back onto your hands and knees, cautioning you darkly when he spoke. 

“You thought we were done?” It was evil, he was evil, the way his voice sounded like the epitome of a smirk as you tried catching your breath. Taehyung’s lips then suddenly ghosted the shell of your ear as he wrapped an arm around your torso, pressing his chest to your back as he spoke. 

“I haven’t even done anything yet.” 

And again, it was the ‘yet’ that had you groaning out in frustration but in the best possible ways. How wasn’t this already enough? How did he have you so fucked out just by the sheer power of his fingers and tongue? It was sickening, he was sickening and you found yourself throwing your ass back on him to urge his cock into you already, to just fuck you open with all he had. 

“Taehyung, just-fuck! Fuck me, please.” You were pleading, needing to feel the wreckage of what you could tell was the biggest cock you’ll ever take.  

Taehyung had removed his pants and boxers in the moment, freeing his painfully angry cock from it’s confines. You were faltering from your position again when Taehyung suddenly prodded your abused hole with his engorged tip, you shuddering to life harshly. 

“Taehyung, just-” 

“Beg me.” 

You cried out in immediate desperation, his voice so authoritative it was sending you into submission, clutching the covers under you so hard your knuckles were white as you complied. “Taehyung, please, fuck me. I need you, please.” 

Taehyung’s arm was snug around your torso, feeling your every quaking expire in his hold and it was turning him on so agonizingly this was painful even for himself, but the way your sweet voice begged him was absolutely exhilarating.

“More.” 

“Taehyung, if you don’t fucking-!” You were cut off by the sharp impalement of Taehyung’s cock in a single breath, knocking all forms of wind out of you. The head alone was so large you went hurtling into the mattress, almost losing your shaking arms’ support until Taehyung pulled you back up for him, snaking his one hand that was previously around his cock to your breast while the other gripped at your hip. 

He was slowly sinking in, feeling your walls flutter open for him and the satisfied moan that left his mouth was evidence of how much this was affecting him. 

“Fuck...” Taehyung dragged out completely content, digging into your hip to watch you arch your back for him, on his knees as he filled you up from behind. “You’re so fucking tight and wet, holy shit.” 

You were struggling for air, oxygen leaving your lungs trying to accommodate for his monstrous size. It was unfair, so unfair he was so big and it had you praising him immediately, so full and stuffed it was the most pleasurable thing you’ve experienced all your life. 

“You’re so big, oh my God, Taehyung, so big.” One of your hands shot towards his holding you by your hip, interlacing your fingers together against your skin just to ground yourself, to manage the sharp pierce of his length until it simmered into a pleasurable burn. 

He bottomed out into your cervix and you both grunted loud, Taehyung containing himself just so he could feel your velvet walls palpitate around his throbbing dick. “Do you feel how hard I am, Y/N? Do you fucking feel it?” 

“Yes, God fuck! Tae, yes..” You sighed out, eyes watering at just how much pleasure was already raking your abdomen again. 

“That’s what you do to me, you barely touched me and this is how hard I am. How fucking badly I want you, how much I’ve always wanted you, wanted you since day one.” Taehyung’s voice was sincere and desperate, seemingly trying to counter your confession of your feelings from earlier.

“Show me, Taehyung.” You moaned, hands gripping his more affectionately, more desperately as you weakly held yourself up by the other. “Fuck me and show me how much you want me.” 

Taehyung grunted out harshly, pulling his cock out of you until he thrusted back in. The first thrust had you keening, sending you into the mattress only to have Taehyung pull you back up once again. Then the second came, your walls greedily soaking him into you and it felt perfect, like two puzzle pieces meant to connect with each other. 

Then came the third, the fourth, the fifth, all the way until Taehyung was pounding into you from behind with a drag so delicious you were moaning out more than you ever have in your entire life. 

And it was sickening, utterly sickening the way his dick began fucking you into the mattress so roughly, angling your body in ways for his cock to pump into all the right places with the right amount of pressure. He watched himself disappear into your little cunt repeatedly, holding your hip up to encourage you to arch so low your ass was snug against his pelvis, and couldn’t think of anything more fucking perfect. 

“You take me so well, so fucking well.” Taehyung praised, leaning over to aimlessly lay wet kisses up your spine like the demon he was, shoving himself into you over and over and over again with your walls convulsing around him.

You were trapping him inside you so tight he could spill into you in seconds, though held back determined he was making you cum again.

“So full, Taehyung, so deep.. all I feel is you.” The statement left you with a desperate sigh, your head hanging low until Taehyung’s hand kneading your breast suddenly wrapped around your throat, causing you to gasp at the arousing feeling. He pulled your head upwards, the junction between his long index finger and thumb forcing you to look forward, and you were utterly breathless at the scene.

His lips were near your ear in seconds, speaking like the devil incarnate as he was bent over you. “Look at us, look at yourself, so fucking pretty, so perfect.” You could suddenly see the reflection of Taehyung fucking into you from behind in his window, not even knowing tears had streamed down your face as his hand beautifully encased your throat, causing every nerve in your body to alight with fire. 

“Look at the way I fuck you, how much I love you.” Taehyung’s carnal eyes looked at you through the reflection of the window, heart twinging at the sight of you crying but knowing he’s making you feel good, continuing his onslaught of drilling your battered pussy. 

You moaned at the erotic scene, using every ounce of strength to keep yourself upright, your walls pulsing around Taehyung’s length as he thrusted harder and harder.

“Tae, fuck! I’ve always loved you, I always felt the same way, and I still do-ah!” Your lungs were tapping out when he suddenly shoved himself inside you to the brim, so utterly deep before he was thrusting again harshly, strangling out moans. 

Clear sweat was slick between your bodies, his huge, delicious cock incessantly tearing up your insides and all you could do was chant his name in pleasure, in bliss, in your love for him that was burning so bright it was nearly painful. 

“Y/N.. fuck. You’re ruining me. You’re so perfect, we’re so fucking perfect.” Taehyung was rambling at this point as his speed reflected his desperation, his immeasurable feelings for you. 

He was trying his damn hardest to distract himself from the release aching his balls. He was growing weak himself, feeling you reciprocate his rough thrusts by fucking him back the same way. And the image in the window? Had him reeling, needing to hear the most beautiful sound you’d make when you finally came, and he knew you would, bordering the precipice with the way your walls pulsed around him. 

Watching Taehyung fuck you in the window was now downright sinful to you, his harsh thrusts completely blissful and his hand gently squeezing at your throat was so dominant, so hot you were at your limit and ready to come. 

But what ended up sending you over, pushing you to release the tightening knot in your stomach was the sweet, tender way Taehyung began kissing your neck. 

The contrast between his cock abusing you and his plush lips kissing you so gently, so lovingly, it wasn’t long before you realized his fucking wasn’t just hard or rough, but full of sheer want, desire, love in all the right ways your walls were clenching around him rapidly in seconds. 

And when Taehyung angled himself somehow deeper, in that one, perfect spot, you clamped down and finally came so hard you saw stars, knew you’d completely drenched his cock with the loudest release of his name you were glad it was the only word you knew in this moment. 

“That’s it, baby. Just like that.” Taehyung breathed out in exhaustion, began soothing your abdomen with one hand and the other letting your head finally hang, grip loosened from around your throat and you could finally allow air back into your lungs. 

You were heaving when you spoke up, realizing something. “Inside me.. Taehyung.” You were dreary, utterly gone, but it still didn’t distract you from the blissful feeling of Taehyung’s cock deliciously stuffed and throbbing inside you, trying to coax his rightful release. “Cum inside me, Tae. Please, fill me up.” 

Taehyung didn’t need to be told twice when his cock worked a few more rough strokes into your tightened pussy and finally, finally came inside you. It was laced with a satisfied groan of your name, his grip on your side so intense you’d be glad if he left marks, wanting to remember every last bit of this night with Taehyung. 

He painted you completely white inside, spilling everything he could offer into you, using what little strength he had left to hold you up while he continued to empty his seed inside. Taehyung then lost all function and allowed you to fall, his broad body resting on top of yours as you both hit the mattress. 

Your chests rose and fell shallowly, completely taxed and having lost every ounce of strength. Taehyung’s hot breaths for air were fanning your neck, your arms sprawled out before you as Taehyung’s hands mindlessly interlaced with them against the tousled covers, cock still stuffing you whole. 

It was another moment of breathing and regaining oxygen when Taehyung suddenly kissed the side of your neck, giving your hands a small squeeze before you felt him lifting himself, his warmth disappearing and you panicked. 

“Where are you going?” Your throat was hoarse from screaming and moaning, a tinge of sadness to your tone as though he was leaving you, and Taehyung couldn’t help but find it endearing. 

“It’s okay, I’ll be right back.” He smiled, moving your hair from the side of your face to plant a kiss to your cheek, post-sex haze racking his brain though allowing reality to leak back into his mind. 

He then carefully, slowly pulled himself out of you, you whining at the loss of him and Taehyung smiled to himself in contentment, smoothing over your lower back with a palm in gratitude, before stepping towards his bathroom. 

He’d pulled his boxers back on and returned with a damp cloth, finding you still flipped and laying on your stomach, having dozed off in exhaustion until you felt Taehyung’s warmth and heard his dulcet voice hazing you awake. 

“Y/N, turn over for me.” His voice was hushed and tender, you complying by turning onto your back with his help. He then carefully swept the cloth against your battered core, you wincing a little with sensitivity and Taehyung made sure to clean more gently. 

The cloth was thrown back into his bathroom when he turned back to you, an arm thrown over your tear-stained face and the other clutching your body, clearly shivering in the cold now.

Taehyung easily scooped you into his arms and lifted you off the bed, carrying you over to his pillows and delicately placing you upon his duvet, pulling the covers out from underneath you and tucking you into his bed. 

You curled up into his blanket, Taehyung searching through his drawers for a stray t-shirt you could wear. He then lifted you into a sitting position, your eyes evidently sleepy and body limp as he pulled the shirt onto you, letting you fall back in place. 

Taehyung could only chuckle to himself thinking he did mean to ruin you, but not so harshly you were devoid of consciousness. He placed a little kiss to your forehead in apology, wiping some of the tears off your face before he rounded the bed, crawling in next to you.

His arms reached out to pull your back snug against his chest, feeling the sleep in the back of his eyes take him. He basked in the strawberry scent of your hair, completely gratified until you suddenly turned over towards him. 

His eyes shot open, only the top of your head coming into view as you nuzzled into his warm chest, your small self all tucked into Taehyung as he wrapped his arms around you like a safety net, holding you near.

And in that moment, all he could focus on was your light breathing, the sweet sound of your voice as you suddenly spoke in the dark of the night, moonlight glowing upon your entangled bodies. 

“I love you, Taehyung.” 

He grinned, the kind where he felt relieved, fulfilled, in a state of sheer bliss it was a moment before he replied, his own voice calm as you felt the hum through his chest, his hand tangled in your hair. 

“I love you, Y/N.” 

The morning sun bled into Taehyung’s room, your eyes fluttering open at a time you had no concept of. You stirred, finding yourself still in Taehyung’s arm, in relatively the same position from last night. You didn’t even feel like moving from his hold, the feeling so utterly fuzzy and comforting. 

You basked in the sensation until he began to stir next to you, pretty eyelashes batting as his eyes fluttered open. His sights fell to you, eyes adorably taken by sleep while his soft hair was endearingly mussed by his pillow. You smiled at him warmly as he grinned back.

“Good morning.” you said shyly, nearly hiding underneath his covers. 

“Good morning.” 

You then flopped onto your back peering up at the ceiling, last night coming back to you in dream-like flashes you were surprised was somehow your reality. 

It was just miraculous, utterly unbelievable until Taehyung turning into your side and snuggling his face into your neck was evidence everything was real, that he was real. It wasn’t some remnant of a dream or hallucination, but the real Taehyung as his arm draped over your stomach. 

You had to bite your lip to contain your happiness, utter exuberance the universe had somehow finally paired you and him together, and funnily enough, on Christmas of all days. 

“What are you thinking about, princess?” Taehyung hummed into your collarbone inquisitively, half asleep as he cuddled you. 

You smiled, basking in his comfort. “Merry Christmas, Taehyung.” 

Taehyung chuckled against you, arm pulling you closer to him as he kissed your neck. “Merry Christmas, Y/N.” 

“Can you believe we met each other again during Christmas? It’s like the perfect Christmas miracle.” You marveled in wonder, tracing your finger along Taehyung’s pretty hand on your stomach. 

“I mean, you know what Andy Williams said..” He mused next to you, husky voice laden with sleep. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

[djarrex]

Hi everyone, just wanted to address what happened last night along with some other things from before that all tie in together.

There’s multiple parts to the following post - please make sure you read all of it if you’re gonna take the time to even start.

It was midnight and y'all were still jumping in on anon and telling me how I'm awful for not commenting, owning up, or taking responsibility - I should have been in bed. I have a life and job outside this app; and with the several of you in my inbox and it being too late at night to address each, I’m gonna do it now. I can’t not say something about all of this. I just can’t keep quiet and ignore the problem - it’s not fair to you all. Deleting one post already has you guys even more riled up and all I wanted to do was offer something better than a “half-hearted apology” (it was very late at night when I wrote that very short apology, and wanted a redo tbh). 

I really didn't want to make a long post like this. I reached out to a select few on here because I care about them (there's more of you, but like I said, it was at the time after midnight and I was fucking exhausted). but I was being demanded for accountability. So here I am.

Allow me to be real with you all, if that's ok. If it's not, well, idk. First I wanna address all you anons, who, instead of speaking to me one on one about all this, want to criticize me and shame me and my writing when truthfully it feels like you haven't even read more than a handful of my work. I didn’t realize that I write the clones all the same way? That I always make them super aggressive and uncaring and dom? “you write every single clone as so dominant instead as unique individual men with their own personalities” Interesting. See, that right there tells me you haven't read nearly enough of my stuff for me to believe that's true. That's one accusation I absolutely will not back you on because I know it’s inaccurate - saying how I group the clones into some overly-aggressive, and uncaring category - that I always write all of them as mean in bed because they're men of color. And hey, if I do write rough smut - which yeah, it's out there and I write it, as do a lot of you - there are warnings at the beginning, aftercare, dialogue, reader sharing their feelings, and most importantly... consent between the two. That’s what warnings are for, so that you know what you’re going to be reading. That’s why I, as we all do, appreciate warnings listed at the tops of fics; honestly, write them sub or dom or switch or however you want but don’t come at me like that. I’m sorry if I'm coming across as rude because I'm usually not, I’m one of the nicest people you’ll meet, but I will not stand idly by while you chastise my writing (writing that is pretty much the same type of stuff a lot of you write & rb with the same characters) that you haven’t read enough of to back such claims.

Next: Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart,

I get it. Really, I do. I fully understand the problem of whitewashing in SW along with almost everywhere else, and I do not agree with it. It's a huge problem, and it needs to be rectified. Now just because I don't speak publicly about it and opt out of publicly shaming TBB, doesn't mean that I agree with what’s going on. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing their opinions on a subject, no matter what that subject is or which side they're on. You live and you learn when it comes to that. 

It has never been my intention to fetishize POC in my writing, which btw, the same people who are saying that it is my intention are the ones claiming I portray all of the clones as the same, aggressive men, lacking their individuality. It’s a claim that is simply not true, and I know I have followers on here to back me up on that. I know what I've written; how about you check it out and tell me that you don't see the words "soft" or "fluff" or "cuddling" or “gentle” or “tender” within my work linked in my ML. Clone character being a good partner and father? Tender love making? Holding each others faces in their hands? “We/you survived” sex? Taking care of their partner? Saying “I love you” to one another? Confirming the safe word and going slow at first? Oh my - riveting and harsh stuff - totally unacceptable.  

Now: My admittedly problematic writings of Rex + Zygerria,

I went into writing that rp fic totally unaware and unknowing of the true implications. For that, I sincerely apologize. When I posted the NSFW alphabet, that’s when I was called out on that rp fic - not when I first posted it. Which the timeline doesn’t matter, I know that, but it concerns me a little bit that no one spoke up about it sooner - letting me dig myself deeper into a hole that I didn’t realize I was inside of in the first place. I've apologized once, and I know that doesn't negate what happened; I acknowledged my mistake back then, but I suppose that wasn’t good enough. I had asked you, anon, to message me to give me guidance, to teach me on what to do about the fic - you stayed hidden. Well, respectfully, what the fuck? I know we're all adults but don't lecture me and avoid me when I’d literally reached out for guidance on how to properly rectify the issue. I fixed my wording in some of my fics (the things I’ve caught upon rereading them) because I recognized and more importantly learned about and from my mistakes along with the unintentional negative implications of how I wrote those characters. Some of y'all wanna tell me that I "haven't learned"? Who are you, my personal blog police? My professor? My life coach? Are you even my friend? If I'm wrong and haven't learned, then fucking educate me. I worked hard on that rp fic, just like I do with a majority of what I write, but it doesn’t matter because I will delete it knowing that it’s harmful to others and I apologize for inadvertently romanticizing slavery with what I wrote - it was unintentional, and I’m truly sorry to those who have been hurt by it. I know it’s wrong, and there’s no proper excuse for it. Can’t go back in time, but consider it gone now.

Since that first wakeup call, I’ve been working hard to ensure I avoid using certain words and ideas when describing the clones in my fics. If there’s still something you see that isn’t correct or is inappropriate, please tell me! Don’t hold it in but then jump on the “attack M” bandwagon. Private message me, or come peacefully off or on anon, there will be no hard feelings. I don’t mind being corrected when I make a mistake - that’s just part of life, we all make mistakes and we live and learn from them. Making mistakes doesn’t = scumbag human. When you hold your breath and choose not to take the time to guide me, and if I appear to still be making the same mistakes, well, idk. I’m telling you right now that I do not mind if you message me with the good intention of pushing me in the right direction. When you come at me with hostility on anon, well, no thank you. To the anons that came without rage: thank you! I read what you wrote, and I have a better understanding as to how my writing had hurt the lovely followers of mine, and tried to address as much as possible in this post. See, angry mob anons? It costs zero credits to be kind and offer up your thoughts and advice with a good heart. I’m not going to hate you or block you if you try to correct me. I don’t block unless you’re a snoopin’ minor. Just don’t hold a knife to my throat.

Now: Why did I delete the tags and then my response to that anon ask? 

Simply put: I felt awful. Deleting it doesn’t immediately mean I’m hiding from it and ignoring the issue. I wanted to come up with a better apology, explanation, whatever you wanna call it, because my followers deserve that. The ones who enjoy my work, the ones who interact, the ones who I call my friends, the ones who know that I’m a good person. Didn’t want to leave the tags/post floating around all night, giving more people time to sharpen their pitchforks and join the mob while I attempted to sleep. Trust me, I know saying that I had no ill intentions when tagging that post doesn’t make it better nor does it make it go away. I’m just trying to show you my point of view, that I knew immediately how I should not have tagged it that way, so that’s why I deleted them. I corrected my mistake. But y’all are too fucking quick I swear.

One more thing:

I know some of you who had called me out with the passive-aggressive inbox messages are still following me, and for what? You don’t like what I post, which is why one would follow another in the first place, so why bother sticking around? Do you feel like you need to police my blog? You want to be there the literal minute I make a mistake? I’m gonna turn off anon for a bit, so if you wanna discuss, message me. Just know that if you’re going to come at me with knives out, I probably won’t reply to you. 

To conclude:

I’m sorry. Truly sorry for the entire Rex + Zygerria outfit + slaver ordeal with both the fic from a while ago and then the tags from last night. We can’t go back in time; the only option is to correct past mistakes that are able to be corrected, and then move on with new knowledge that’ll aid in me working even harder to ensure my writing isn’t inappropriate or offensive, and doesn’t hurt my followers nor the characters I write for. I’m still going to write self-indulgent filth and fluff, post-order 66 Rex, and other misc shit. I enjoy writing fanfic, as I know a lot of you enjoy reading what I write and love to talk to me about it. I hope that this didn’t come off as me being a bitch, because I’m really not. I enjoy interacting with the handful of people on here that I’d call my friends, and I love reading your reactions and tags to my fics when you’re excited and/or horny (LOL). It’s just after lunch time where I’m at, so I hope you have a great rest of the day/night/morning whatever for wherever you are.  

<3 

M

[compartmentalisinghmpf]

Complicated feelings

This is, in a way, another removed/unfinished bit from my review, with some pretty hefty more recent additions. It was intended and still is intended as a service for potential readers, specifically ones who might have complicated feelings about Dave and Bro, and would like to get a better sense of how this topic is handled in the fic before they commit.

I’m putting my actual discussion under a readmore, because better safe than sorry. I don’t think I’m going to any particularly disturbing place with it, but some people who follow me may not want to see this issue discussed on their dash at all. (See tags for content warning.)

The Bro and Dave situation is - this is probably extremely unsurprising to people who know anything at all about Homestuck - the biggest issue I struggled with in trying to write my review/rec thing. It’s a topic I have Complicated Feelings™ about, and I felt I should probably Say Something About It™ in my rec, mainly because I didn’t want to send people unwarned towards something that may range from severely unpleasant to actively triggering for some, depending on their own experiences.

To be clear: the relationship between the two teen Daves and Bro - i.e., the relationship between two kids and their former abuser - absolutely is at the heart of this fic.

As you know if you’ve read my rec, I ended up basically not talking about this at all - even though it is, as I said, absolutely central. This is mostly because I did not feel qualified to address it in a useful way. Also, any attempt to tackle it almost inevitably started taking over the entire review. (I mean, look at the length of this thing here. Sheesh.) Anyway, I figured eventually, there is enough info in the tags of the fic on AO3, and in the front matter of the first chapter, to give a newly arrived reader at least *some* sort of warning, if they need it.

There was enough there, in fact, to warn *me* away, initially. I only came back via someone’s bookmark, I think, or possibly a rec somewhere. I’m glad I did, obviously. And the fic did not, for me, cross any lines I have issues with in fiction, even though I had worried that it might. Other readers’ feelings about this may differ, of course. I can really only offer my own reaction here, in the hope that it may help potential readers with sensitivities in this direction to gauge their own possible reactions - if that is something they would like to do, in advance.

I do not have first-hand abuse experience, at least not with parental/familial abuse - I was pretty thoroughly bullied, including physically, by fellow students, but that’s a fairly different kind of thing - so none of this, neither in canon nor in fic, is personally triggering to me, no matter how it is handled. Nevertheless, even as someone who reads primarily angst fic about very heavy subject matters, there are things I simply, personally, strongly do not want to read, in fic. One of those is abuse apologism. And, having been in fandom for a very long time, and mostly having liked characters who’ve done terrible things, I know that fic, in general, runs rife with that. (I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t write or read stuff like that; it’s fic, it’s the playground of the subconscious, and characters aren’t people; do what you need, here. Just, *I* really don’t want to read it.)

So. The Run and Go is, make no mistake about it, *intensely* invested in the relationship between the Daves and Bro. It’s also invested in Bro himself. There is a clear, ongoing project here, for Bro to “become better”, and of constructing a path for these three to move forward, somehow, together - and that is probably utopian, an impossible fairytale ending, in terms of real world psychology. It’s also something I can very well imagine being in itself upsetting, to some readers.

This project of a better future will only be even remotely plausible with a certain *kind* of Bro, of course. The range of Bros that could be considered potentially supported by canon is vast, and on the far end, there be monsters. Of necessity, for reconciliation of some sort to seem at all possible, a story needs to present us with a Bro who exists on the “lesser awfulness” end of the scale, and that is what TRaG does.

(For what it’s worth, in the light of Dirk as seen in Homestuck proper, and the fact that Bro is a version of Dirk, a “less awful” Bro does make a certain sense to me, even in canon, although I also consider darker interpretations well supported.)

Mind you, a “less awful” Bro is still pretty bad. He has to be, if you take canon at all seriously. He’s not “just misunderstood”. He’s a deeply, sometimes dangerously dysfunctional human being. There are reasons for this (not even just the one, obvious one); and TRaG has empathy for him. Which isn’t the same as excusing him.

What is important to me here is that in pursuing its project, the story doesn’t take the easy route. It explains, but it doesn’t justify. It never forgets about the Daves’ pain; it pretty solidly centres and prioritises the Daves’ emotional needs, and it doesn’t ever give us straightforward progress or miraculous epiphanies, because those would make neither psychological nor moral sense here.

Some edges do get sanded off a little too completely, for my taste, but overall things stay emotionally complicated and kind of fucked up – as they should be, as they would be - even as they slowly get better in the long view

Better is always a relative term.