#Ranpo would cling to it with his entire being

[flaresanimedump]

What if Fukuran but it's illegal for non gifted to have relations with gifted

[hattersrabbit]

🎀"THAT BOY IS A MONSTER!"🎀

ranpo edogawa x reader | nsfw

cw! female reader, vampire ranpo, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, no prep, praise kink, degradation, semi-public, balcony sex, chubby reader, teasing

The cold breeze made you shiver when you entered the balcony. The man haunted behind you with those alluring green eyes of his. You're body practically weeped at the need of his touch.

A monster such as him was a beauty as he was terrifying. His black hair was soft, and had sharp green eyes that would only show when he was about to feed off of you.

You would always give yourself to this monster.

It was the only thing you had despite you're hatred for yourself. This monster, this man of beauty was more than you could ever be, and to please him was you're new duty.

You froze as his hand came under chin and holding it with such gentleness, yet firm. His green hues staring into yours with such intensity that it made you're legs almost buckle. His leg was now between your legs, and hand holding your hip so that you wouldn't fall.

"Those are some nasty thoughts you have. They aren't fitting for you."

You flushed warm at those words. You moaned at the his touch moving to your neck and pressing down on the fabric choker you wore. The black and gray stripped chocker with black lace was pushed onto which was where two small bites laid.

"To me you're more than just a snack for me. Your blood is as sweet as you. Only my dumb girl can satisfy me. Isn't that right, my darling?"

You whimpered feeling his hot breath on you're cold neck. His touch was cold as his hands wandered your entire body. You're black dress was tugged at and your skin was touched gently. His face remained in you're neck where his teeth tugged at the fabric choker.

You're dress pooled out on the sides of balcony. Vision focused on the window where other people who were human like you partied. You're family who was nothing but horrid to you partied like nothing was wrong.

You had come alone, and he was there. This monster who you had been acquainted with ever since they locked you out of the house as punishment. You would never forget his kindness despite you being only a meat bag to his kind.

"They don't deserve you my darling. You've served me more than they ever will. You're my dumb girl who fell for a monster, and yet you understood me more than anyone."

He was so sweet with his words, and yet the words dumb girl was so demeaning. You however found touched and woozy from such words. You loved being called that name in such a toxic sweet tone.

"Please please please. Ranpo...!"

His light laugh made you cling to him. The embarrassment of the situation made you so nervous. Anyone could come by and see you. How scandalous it would be for you're family.

"Let them see, darling. They've been nothing but mindless idiots. All of them, my dear."

You jumped feeling his cold hands pulling down the top of your dress. You heaved and the corset tight around you made you wheeze. Your love, Ranpo simply laughed scornfully. It was awfully scandalous on how sleeves and front of the dress were pulled down to reveal the under dress beneath. You're breasts being show pronounced thanks to the corset.

"These darn things are so stupid. You can't breathe can you, my dumb, dumb girl."

You nodded. Feeling you're stomach bubbled with butterflies at the slight degration. You held on tightly feeling his hands travel to the back of your dress and untying the ribbons.

"Ranpo! Other's will see!"

You pleaded but the monster practically on top of your body didn't care. He only chuckled as he continued to untie, but it was also clear was being quite impatient.

"I so wish to see you look so defeated, but don't want to ruin this dress of yours. How wonderful it fits you, but I think it'll look better without this contraption around you're torso, my stupid darling."

You whined at his blunt words. Never did he hold back what he thought. You knew you that he did it for your own good, because in his eyes. After all, has a higher being, and a great detective deceiving every human around him was bound to know better.

His nimble fingers pulled at the choker and to you're surprise ripped it off. You gasp before gasping loudly when pain erupts from the neck upward. You clawed at his black jacket desperately when feeling his teeth clamped down so tight, and sucking away you're sweet and delicious blood.

Ranpo was practically drunk from drinking your blood. He was so delighted to drink his favorite snack in the entire world. You, and all you're beauty. This woman he held in his arms was his perfect match. The perfect match to the greatest detective who happened to be a monster among humans.

He heard you wheeze and moan when he bit down further. He wanted to drink more and more. Ranpo's normally cold body felt warm when drinking blood from the body he held. Like a pervert, he was overjoyed to feel your breasts against his chest. Felt the dress and eventually ripped the ribbons of the corset to release the pressure.

You gasped when finally felt relief in your lungs. You're nails continued to scratch against the black fabric of Ranpo's jacket in an attempt to not lose yourself. Eyes still set on the doors to the ballroom, but your vision was hazy. Clouded by lust you wanted to cling on so that you could relish in Ranpo's words and touch.

The pressure in your neck was uplifted and soon your mouth was filled with your blood. You moaned into the kiss which allowed Ranpo to swirl each other's tongues together. You're eyes tried to keep themselves open but they closed either way. Ranpo had a grip on your chin, and uplifting it so that you were looking at him. Unlike you Ranpo had his alluring eyes open with lustful intent.

His other hand continued to undress you. You're breasts were welcomed to the breeze. You visibly shivered feeling even more cold than before. You tried to dig yourself further into Ranpo, but the coldness of his body provided you no warmth. The cloth of his jacket barely covered you're naked shoulders. It was absolutely pointless to avoid the cold breeze.

The black silky dress was lifted up after removing the corset from behind the dress. Ranpo simply laughed when he saw you're embarrassed face.

"Oh you silly girl. How are you supposed to please me when you're wearing something that deeply upsets me."

He almost felt bad when horror crossed you're face. He wiped away the blood off you're lips with a smile and narrowed eyes.

"Do not worry, sweetheart. Just let me take the lead and do what I want, and you won't disappoint me."

Your underwear was discarded and only remaining on one leg. Thick thighs and various stretch marks greeted him. The sight made Ranpo's mouth water. The plump body that was you was something he loved about you. No matter of you hated your body he loved it. Despite being a monster Ranpo wanted to show you were perfect the way you were.

Just as you did with him.

"Ranpo...?"

The vampire laughed at you're so called question. He backed up and unbuckled his pants. You're eyes watched as his cock was revealed to the cold air. He didn't shiver or freeze when feeling the breeze come in.

"Dessert is here, my love."

His hands grabbed your hips and you're already slicked up entrance was met with Ranpo's cock. It touched you're clit which caused a jolt in your poor body. You're hands were tight on his shoulders.

You gasped when feeling him turned you around and going against the railing of the balcony. The forest was met with your eyes, and you couldn't see the man that was the only light in your life.

The only sense of color you had in this black and white life.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. You'll be my good girl won't you? Or will you be a dumb girl and not please me like you pledged you would?"

"I'll be good! I'll be you're good girl!"

"Very good, sweetheart."

The ribbons of your dress were pulled and tied without the corset to slim you down. You visibly frozen seeing your stomach's pudge showing through the dress. Suddenly then jolting when hands grabbed your stomach so lovingly.

"Do not worry about this. I'll make you forget all about this."

He gestured to your stomach, to your entire being. His hands left your stomach and back to preparing you.

"Tell me my dear, do you think you can take me without prep?"

"Yes! Yes I can take it!"

You were so desperate to please him. Ranpo could only kiss the back of your neck. You giggled at the ticklness at your neck.

His hand on your hip was firm yet gentle. You jolted when feeling the tip of his cock touching your cunt gently. His hand held push himself further into entrance that were your velvet red insides. Ranpo licked his lips looking at your ass and thighs beneath his gaze. You wiggled just a tiny bit from feeling his heavy gaze on you.

Finally he pushed in.

You hissed in pain feeling his giant cock entering you're cunt. It felt unbelievably tight due to no prep, but you were happy despite the pain. You simply wanted to please him, and he had asked you either way. He cared about your comfort even if it wasn't framed as such.

You yelped numerous times before covering your mouth with tears in the corner of your eyes. Ranpo chuckled from behind you. He had a knack for causing you tiny amounts of pain, but nothing too bad. You enjoyed the slapping on your behind.

"Good job, sweetheart. Now be a good girl and please me by allowing me to use your body."

"Yes please, Ranpo...!"

He started with small thrusts. You moaned and cried with pleasure and pain. You gripped the cold balcony tightly because of how tight and full you felt because of Ranpo's stupid cock. It was amazing how delicious his cock felt in your cunt, and how it made you lose your mind everytime.

The top of your dress began to fall the more rough the thrusts gotten. By this point your mind was almost gone, and the coldness of the railing brought you back to reality. The potential eyes of others haunted your mind. A yelp was released from your lips due to a slap on your behind.

"Naughty girl. Thinking of other people are we? That's not very good of you, my dear. I think we should stop-"

"No no! Please don't stop, Ranpo. I don't want anyone looking at me...I only want your eyes on me, so please don't stop!"

Ranpo froze with a shocked face, but he overcame it. A wicked smile painted itself on his lips. Something in him snapped and the thrusts he was giving were becoming even more rough and fast. You were moaning and crying for him. The ice cold railing was becoming part of you the more the breeze assaulted your hot body.

The rest of the top fell and your nips were revealed to the world. Knuckles lighter than the rest of your body due to how tight you were holding on. The fullness you felt in your stomach was so distracting and so overwhelming, and yet you loved it despite the pain. However, that pain too was going away as Ranpo continued his assault on your cunt.

You squeezed his cock when the cold railing came contact with your nipple. You moaned very loudly, but luckily due to the music from inside you were not heard. You could only thank god your family, and all nobles were party animals.

Ranpo's grip on your hips got even tighter, and slammed your hips against his own. His vampiric strength always amazed you, but his intelligence was something greater. This moment however was complete heaven, because the strength he possessed allowed you give him the pleasure he wanted.

Your back arched when Ranpo hit a particular spot. Eyes went to the back of your head due to how shocking it was. That stock of a neck was grabbed onto, and Ranpo digged into his most beloved snack. You moaned feeling the familiar pain you grew to love and lust after.

A feeling you sure no one in your miserable life could understand.

Desperate, you tried to meet his thrusts. It only caused you to moan and falter because Ranpo was getting faster. The more he drank the more energy he had. The more blood that left you the more weak you became.

You choked out his name when your vision suddenly became more hazy than before. Your nails clawed at the arms that held you neck. Ranpo got the memo and released his mouth from your fleshy neck.

His thrusts stopped and you fell to your knees. Ranpo picked you up and placed you onto the balcony. You were in a daze and not nothing how if you were careful that you would fall. Luckily, Ranpo gripped your hips and pulled you back onto his cock.

You moaned loudly finally feeling full once again. The vampire groaned from being around your tight cunt. He was in heaven as he began to thrust roughly and hard. He was greeted with your sweet and intoxicating sounds.

"So good. You're magnificently good, sweetheart. Doing such a good job, even for a dumb girl, huh?"

You moaned in response. You lunged and clung to him tightly. If just felt so good, and his degrading and praising words only furthered your pleasure and love for Ranpo. He was so mean and nice at the same time. He was a man of duality.

Your legs wrapped around his waists. Your heels both fell which let the cold breeze run past your toes. Clear slapping noises were loud in his and your ears. The blaring and muffled music from inside proved meaningless. The pleasure and happiness to felt was more than any sense of fear.

"Are-Are you ready for my cum? Do you want it? Where?"

"Inside! Inside! I want to feel you inside me when you leave!"

It wasn't a secret this relatively was taboo and forbidden. Ranpo would leave due to vampiric duties as the second oldest of his colony and his job as a detective. You missed him everytime he left and leaving you in the hell that was your life.

"Oh my sweet and poor dummy. Of course, I'll grant you the wish you so desire so that I'll be with you forever. But do not worry when my seed is gone, because my mark on your neck will be there."

You sobbed at his words.

"In fact, when you fall asleep I come to see you. I bite your neck when your asleep too. I'm sure those nights when I did you felt lucid, didn't you?"

Normally you would be shocked, but you were still in a haze. You weren't shocked, but aroused by his reveal of drinking your blood at night. Ranpo would come to visit you and leave a message to let you know he was here.

Oh how you loved this monster of a man.

"Give it to me, Ranpo! Please!"

You held no shame. You were completely enthralled with the hard pounding Ranpo was giving you. No longer were you paying attention to inside of the ballroom. Nor were you focusing on the cold hitting your breasts, face, and cunt.

Ranpo grunted and groaned loudly. He silenced himself quickly by once again biting down on your neck. His jacket was gripped tightly. Your mouth was agaped with tears streaming tears on your face.

You felt more full when Ranpo's cum began to flood. You felt as if your stomach was buldging due to the amount Ranpo was letting out of his cock. Your cunt throbbed and twitched around his cock as you went limp. Blurry vision clouded you and your mind.

The teeth in your neck released your flesh. Ranpo licked his lips, and smiled so widely upon your fucked out face. Looking upon you was an absolute delight. The top of your dress and under dress allowed your bare breasts to be assault by the wind. Dress was hiked up and it was stretched a bit more due to your body not being slimmed down.

His cock remained inside you which kept his cum inside you. You still clung to him and catching your breath.

Ranpo perked up hearing someone open the balcony doors. The detective smiled mischievously as he covered you with the jacket he wore. The person across the way didn't seem to notice them. Thankfully they were in a part of the balcony that was mostly very dark.

Your whimpers altered him. Your eyes were wide and looking at the person across the way. He called out for you while holding your face. Ranpo's cock was still in you as he cradled your face so gently.

"Why don't you run away with me?"

[diagonal-queen]

how i think bsd characters would hug: ada edition

atsushi: his hugs would be relatively standard but they’d be so comforting! he’s a person who would give you one little extra squeeze before letting go ♡ his hugs vary in length but if you wanted it he could cling to you for hours. 

dazai: he doesn’t seem like a hugger to me, unless you’re his s/o, so i guess you’re lucky to receive them! dazai’s hugs would be gentle and protective. he would rub your back and talk to you while he hugs you (mostly affirmative and comforting stuff). tucks your head under his chin. 

kunikida: i love this man to the moon and back but his hugs would probably be bad at first. i’m sorry but he’d give you like a pat on the back and that would be it T-T as your s/o though he would give really good firm hugs. it’d feel like you’re being shielded with safety and support ♡ in other words, an ideal hug.

jun’ichiro: he would give tight hugs that make you feel wanted and that really emphasise his gratitude for your existence. though if you hugged him for too long you might start turning blue. other than that he’d give you SUPERB shoulder rubs.

naomi (platonic): her hugs are the ones that you never see coming, and probably wouldn’t be too appreciated if you didn’t expect them. they suffocate you. but when you need a good tight hug you’d be hard pressed to find a better candidate than naomi ♡

ranpo: ranpo wraps his arms around your neck/back and just tugs you into him. he buries his face in your neck and crushes you to death like you’re a plushie or a body pillow. he softens when you hug him back, and he taps his fingers on your back while he’s hugging you. 

yosano: yosano gives hugs the same way a mother does. like she’ll just let you listen to her heartbeat while she strokes her hands through your hair and pats your back. she also talks to you when hugging you. overall, her hugs make you feel calm and safe. help im simping i want her

kyoka (platonic): her hugs are uncertain at first and are a little loose, but the closer to you she gets the tighter and more desperate her hugs are. kyoka’s hugs SCREAM ‘i’m glad you’re here with me’. hug her back please, she deserves it ♡ 

kenji (platonic): kenji thinks he’s giving you a regular ol’ hug. in reality he is suffocating you. please tell him he’s suffocating you, he’ll smile and give you a little apology and loosen his grip. once he does it’ll be a nice hug! kenji radiates comfort energy. 

haruno (platonic): haruno is probably the perfect hugger. she gives the best hugs! they’re always as chill or as intense as you need them to be, and you can feel her love every time she hugs you. when she’s excited she’d hug similar to naomi. 

katai: his hugs are unintentionally a bit too much. like he will wrap his entire wingspan around you like a shield. his intentions are to make you feel loved, and although he’s an awkward hugger the message definitely gets across ♡ if you’re in his futon together he’d squish you like a body pillow.

fukuzawa: he isn’t a firm hugger but he isn’t a loose hugger if that makes sense? he’ll place his hands on your back or on your head and make you feel appreciated. his hugs are an indirect promise to protect you, always. give him a random squeeze and you might just surprise him.

[bsdtrash]

Ranpo, Poe, Junichiro, and Oda as bottoms!!

18+ content below the tags! Minors DNI

- What a fucking brat. Like no for real this man is gonna be such a power bottom and so bratty too. Like you have your work cut out for you as his top. 

- This little shit loves playing his mind games and pushing you to your limit! Will be saying things like “Oh? Is that really all you can do?” Just egging you on! 

- Needless to say he won’t ‘shy’ away from some punishment. Probably comes off as bored until you really get him going. This brat will really have the audacity to yawn and check his phone until you really give him what he’s asking for.

- To me Ranpo comes off as the type to be into some kinky shit, honestly between him and Dazai I don’t know who is more kinky. 

- Please pull his hair and make his head crane back, he’ll let out the sluttiest moan you’ve ever heard. 

- This man is so out of pocket when it comes to anything, like feel free to choke him and spit in his mouth he’ll love that. 

- Ranpo has no issue demanding what he wants in bed, when you finally work him into a needy state he’ll be begging and directing you without batting a single eye. 

- This man is willing to try almost any kink once, could also see him being in to voyeurism since he’s such an attention whore. 

- Speaking of him being an attention whore he definitely has a praise kink. Call him the best detective in the world and you got him kicking his feet and giggling. 

- Also has a SLIGHT degradation kink call him your pretty little slut and just see what happens! This gross brat is also the type to make you do all the cleaning! 

- POOOOOOOOOOOE OMG!!! THIS ROMANTIC BITCH BOY IS GONNA BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST BOTTOMS EVER! 

- Hold his slutty little waist while he whimpers and withers around in pleasure! Ya’ll are gonna have a safe word because when this man says stop he doesn’t really mean it.

- Like he’s saying stop because he’s feeling a lot of pleasure but if you actually do stop he’ll whine and look at you as though you just insulted him.

- A messy bottom for sure! Drool is running down his chin and tears are running down his cheeks! 

- Is really into overstimulation, don’t let that boy leave the bed until his legs are jello, I’m telling you with the stress he carries he definitely needs it. 

- The type to have a goofy smile and feel dazed by the end of it. Please hold him and gently run your fingers along his back to bring him back to reality.

- Is a completely embarrassed wreck when he realizes how loud he was. It happens every single time and he tries to keep his voice down but it never works! 

- The noise complaints from the neighbors are never-ending, your apartment owner at this point is threatening to kick you out. 

- You’ve tried using a gag once but well, who would want to muffle Ranpo’s pretty little voice huh?

- That being said ya’ll keep a pillow close by for Ranpo to bite on to for when he’s getting a little too loud. 

- PILLOW PRINCE!!! This man was made for the bottom life tbh ( I picture him as a switch with a bottom leaning tendencies)

- Has no issue laying back and letting you take complete control, you’ve earned his entire trust the second you two started dating. Don’t be afraid to boss him around he likes that! 

- Treat him gentle though, he’s only slightly kinky, and is surprisingly delicate! He easily bruises so make sure to put that mouth of yours to good work! 

- SENSITIVE! Please don’t make fun of him when he orgasms too quickly, he tries so hard but poor thing isn’t used to feeling so good, not to mention being provided such pleasure from someone he loves.

- Lets face it you milk this man dry and he loves every single second of it, by the end he’s dry orgasming and sobbing from the pleasure. Please have mercy on him! 

- His body has the after trembles and he is CLINGING to you! Stay by his side while his body calms down or he’ll start to cry.

- Once he stops trembling please go run ya’ll a bath, Junichiro really thrives off of the aftercare part.

- Make sure when you bathe together he’s laying in your lap and you’re washing his hair! Careful though because he may fall asleep. 

- Whisper in his ear sweet little things you love about him while you help clean him and please be mindful of your hands. 

- Junichiro will drink up all the love you give him and simply respond with his own words of encouragement while trying to stay awake. 

- Oda is one of the more silent bottoms that you have to earn the trust of ( Similar to Dazai and Akutagawa) 

- This man has spent so many years taking care of others that he can’t even recall the last time someone had gone out of their way to take care of him. 

- It’s hard to top Oda since he just naturally falls in to the role of taking care of you and topping you. That is unless you specifically tell him that you want to top him he won’t get the hint. 

- Once you do confide your desires with him then he will try his hardest to fulfill them. He wants to provide you with as much happiness as he possibly can.

- Please go slow with him at first, the feeling of you attending to his needs is unusual but not unpleasant. 

- He’s gonna be a bit stiff at first and a little quiet, but once you loosen him up with some kisses he’ll slowly relax. 

- He’s surprisingly a soft bottom, please hold his hands and make sure to look in to his eyes as much as possible, he finds it intimate, he feels vulnerable but he enjoys it and wants to hear you say that you love him. 

- Oda is the type to enjoy giving pleasure as much as he enjoys receiving it so don’t be afraid to sit on his face either! 

- Afterwards he’ll try to get up and take care of the aftercare so you’ll have to put him in his place and remind him that you’re taking care of him tonight. 

- This definitely won’t be the last time you top him, he’ll request to bottom on nights when he’s feeling stressed or tired!

[dumpster-diving-rat]

Rating bsd characters (ADA) based on how likely I think they are to fall asleep on you

(This is mainly while you're in work at the agency, but if you want to think of it as anywhere, do so as you will)

Atsushi Nakajima

5/10

-He gets a little stressed sometimes, with all that fighting it's definitely tiring

-He rests on your shoulder (next to you) and slowly falls asleep

-I think he'd be a pretty heavy sleeper, so if you need to move him, he won't wake up from it

-Stays asleep for around thirty minutes to an hour before waking up

-Barely moves in his sleep, but occasionally shifts his head slightly

-I don't think he'd really make any noise, but he would quietly mumble a few things in his sleep sometimes

Overall he is very easy to deal with when he is asleep, and he doesn't get too many nightmares unless the day has been horrible for him.

Dazai Osamu

7/10

-Anything to get out of work tbh

-Half of the time he's just pretending to sleep

-He just wants the comfort as well as not doing work

-Doesn't really speak the entire time, and his head is resting on your chest (closer to your collarbone)

-Suddenly this is normal behavior for him

-He is a very light sleeper, but depending on how tired he really is, he could be more of a heavy sleeper

-When he is actually asleep instead of pretending, he unfortunately gets a lot of nightmares

-If the nightmares continue on, he may start to silently cry in his sleep

-Just wake him up if he does start crying, or if you think he's having a nightmare

-He speaks sometimes when having nightmares, but if they get worse, he may scream or yell instead of just speaking

-Hugs you tighter in his sleep without realizing, also buries his head into you without realizing as well

-Just hug him back, he'll do a little better, asleep or not

He is not horrible when asleep, unless he gets nightmares, but other than that he just clings to you as if he's afraid of letting you go.

Kunikida Doppo

2/10

-Considers it unprofessional to do so in the workplace

-He does wear himself out sometimes, so he can get slightly more tired than usual

-When you notice he's tired, he tries to say he's fine, but he just isn't the best at lying

-Sighs, and then hugs you, while resting his head on your shoulder (facing towards you)

-Slowly but surely falls asleep

-This rarely happens, and multiple people (mainly Yosano and Dazai) like to tease him for it when it does actually happen

-Wakes up and immediately looks at his ideals to make sure his schedule wasn't messed up

-It wasn't, and he apologized for sleeping on you

-He then gets up to continue his work at the desk

-Internally screaming and madly blushing because of the interaction though

-Slowly calms down, but Dazai and Yosano start teasing him, and now he's more red

-Save this man from Dazai and Yosano I beg

Decent sleeper, but panics slightly when he wakes up, because he didn't realize he was falling asleep in the first place. He ever so slightly clings onto you in a hug while sleeping as well.

Ranpo Edogawa

8/10

-He didn't have any cases left at the moment, and felt bored

-So naturally he goes up to where you are, and rests his head on your lap

-He gets cozy, and falls asleep

-Is a very heavy sleeper, so good luck trying to wake him up if you need to

-Doesn't speak in his sleep, but does rest comfortably

-All you can really hear from him is his breathing

-Only wakes up when Kunikida has to yell at him to wake up and get back to work

Very heavy sleeper, but is still very calm and nothing really disturbs his sleep (unless a yelling Kunikida appears)

Yosano Akiko (Potentially OOC)

5/10

-Being a doctor is hard sometimes, honestly

-Although she mainly goes shopping after a stressful time, sometimes she takes a break in different ways

-That is, by resting her head on your lap, and closing her eyes, sighing calmly (occasionally, she sleeps on your chest, with her head turned to listen to your heartbeat, which calms her)

-She does sometimes request for you to run your hands through her hair

-She's a pretty light sleeper, but doesn't wake up extremely fast

-The only thing that could disturb her sleep is the time she was 11, with Mori there

-She wakes up slightly stressed after those dreams

-If you play with her hair, and talk to her quietly about how she's okay, and you're right there with her, she'll calm down slowly

-Will ask to just hold you hand, while she starts to inspect for injuries anywhere on your arm and hand

-It's oddly therapeutic for her to check for injuries on people, mainly ones she cares for though

While her past can haunt her dreams sometimes, it's actually somewhat rare, but you making an effort to calm her down really helps her more.

Junichiro Tanizaki (Potentially OOC)

3/10

-He rests his head on your shoulder and falls asleep

-It doesn't take him too long to fall asleep

-He's a light sleeper, and sleeps comfortably

-He wakes up after around half an hour

-Quickly apologizes for accidentally falling asleep

-Him falling asleep on you happens very rarely

-He does move on with his day afterwards, but is still a bit embarrassed about what happened

-Que Naomi teasing him, because she witnessed the whole thing, and took pictures

-Covering face with sleeves, he can't handle the embarrassment of the pictures

He's okay while asleep, but he's very embarrassed about it when he wakes up. Maybe it's best to not mention it to him in the future

Naomi Tanizaki (Potentially OOC)

2/10

-I doubt she'd ever sleep on you, but just like her brother, she'd also fall asleep on your shoulder

-She'd also be hugging you while asleep (one arm around your shoulder, the other around your waist, she was facing towards you)

-She is a light sleeper, and is also sleeping comfortably

-She does not speak that much in her sleep, but she does mumble sometimes

-After waking up, she continues to stay hugging you

-She will get up to continue working eventually, but for now, she's hugging you

She's a peaceful sleeper, but does like to hug and cuddle you as she sleeps.

Fukuzawa Yukichi (Might be somewhat OOC)

2/10

-He's got a lot of work, and can not just fall asleep as the president of the ADA

-However, instead of sleeping on you at the agency, there are a few times he sleeps on you at home

-He rests his head on your lap, slowly falling asleep

-He is a light sleeper, and if you were to say his name once, he would immediately wake up

-He sleeps peacefully, and feels comforted by you just being there

-If you run your fingers through his hair, it just makes him all the more peaceful

-He doesn't speak in his sleep, and barely moves in his sleep as well

-Your presence comforts him as he sleeps, and he knows you're safe in that moment because you're there

He hasn't really fallen asleep while at the agency, but when it's just you two at your house, he's does sleep.

Kenji Miyazawa (Potentially OOC. Also, everything to do with him is platonic, the most you do is just hold hands and hug, I will be adding this to practically everything he's in, just for clarification. The meaning of platonic for those who don't know is, "of love or friendship, intimate and affectionate but not sexual.")

8/10

-He gets tired after eating, so it wouldn't be surprising for him to be sleeping next to you

-Falls asleep while resting his head on your shoulder

-He is a very heavy sleeper, yet sleeps comfortably and peacefully

-He barely moves, and mumbles very quietly

-Can sleep for hours at a time, so you might have to move him

-If you do move him, that's fine, he won't wake up anyways

-He wakes up after a long time, and will mention, with a smile on his face, that it was very comfortable to sleep on your shoulder

The heaviest sleeper on the list, and definitely would not wake up even if you were loud.

Kyoka Izumi (Might be OOC. Also, just like Kenji, this is strictly platonic, the most you guys do is hug and hold hands, nothing more. I will be mentioning this to practically every post with her, for clarification. Again, platonic means "of love or friendship, intimate and affectionate but not sexual" for those who don't know)

2/10

-I feel like she'd stay awake around everyone, unless she's really comfortable around them

-As she got closer to you, she felt herself slowly get tired around you, feeling a sense of comfort

-She would rest her head on your shoulder, and fall asleep quickly

-She's a light sleeper, makes no noise in her sleep, and doesn't move around either

-She finds it easier to sleep around you, but mainly when you two aren't near many people

-If there's multiple people around, she struggles to fall asleep, unless she's comfortable enough around them too

-When she wakes up she doesn't pay attention to what happened, she just gets back up and does her work

-She appreciates you letting her sleep on your shoulder

Sometimes Demon Snow likes to be next to Kyoka as she sleeps, so don't freak out if you just see Demon Snow there.

Okay I'm thinking about just turning on my ask box bc I'm getting bored not figuring it out lmao. Also for requests if there will be any, do not ask for incest, non-con, dub-con, or NSFW things please. I don't necessarily write fics, it's mainly headcanons, or stuff more in the format of headcanons. Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed! ♡

Okay editing this like a minute later, but I turned on my ask box. Don't know what to do with it, but I'm just hoping I figure it out soon enough

[oliverwolfboy]

One time Ranpo was over at Poe's house, and they decided to watch a movie, to pass the time. Ranpo wanted to do something for Poe for once, so he let him decide what movie they should watch. Poe decided on a horror movie, since horror was one of Poe's favorite genres.

The movie he decided they should watch was the Saló or the 120 Days of Sodom, Poe has already watched this movie when he was 23 and he loves it for the themes and exploration of the dark side of the human psyche. It also kinda inspired him as a horror writer, though he was more a psychological and existential horror writer, so he would probably wouldn't ever end up making something as graphic, and he still wanted most horror loving people to be able to enjoy it his books

(yes i know he is a mystery writer but I headcanon him as a horror and mystery writer, he is honestly better at horror). He is also a morbid basterd (affectionate).

Ranpo was not prepared for this movie at all. He even had to look away for some of the scenes. Ranpo is a detective he has seen some shit, but never something so vile, even some of the worst cases he has been on.

Ranpo was fucking terrified. When the movie was done Ranpo was clinging onto Ed, like if he let go he would be transported into the movie. When Ed said he liked the movie, Ranpo was seriously wondering whether his rival (boyfriend) was a psycho.

Edgar just said he has seen things a lot more graphic, and at least this one touched upon some very serious topics. Ranpo still doesn't know how that is possible. Ranpo ended up sleeping at Ed's house, in his bed, because he simply couldn't sleep alone after that. He ended up still not being able to go to sleep. In the next few nights Ranpo either couldn't sleep, or he would get nightmares.

What Poe means by he has seen more graphic (and worse) movies, is that he has explored the entire disturbing movie iceberg, and Salo only ranks in third row. Poe knows a lot of languages so yes he can watch almost all of them, and he did, oh he did. Poe has seen things, he really wished he didn’t.

[zenphiaaa]

London Boy (Ranpo Edogawa)

The printer made one last wheezing sound before turning off once more. "Man, it only printed out seven of them." Y/N chewed on her lip in frustration. "Ranpo isn't going to like this. Maybe if I make a trip to the library on my lunch break." She thought as she gathered the papers up in one hand and pulled out her cellphone.

The time was currently eleven thrity in the afternoon. If she left right now, she could also get one of those fancy sandwiches from the Cafe by the station. Y/N quickly clocked out her lunch break and made her way out of the building. To her surprise Ranpo was outside, leaning against the building railing looking bored.

Quietly, she slowly stepped over to where Ranpo was and stood in front of him. Ranpo glanced up and immediately presented Y/N with a wide grin. "Y/N! There you are! I've been waiting out here forever!" The detective whined to the other. "Are you ready for lunch yet? You're paying for being late!" Ranpo stuck out his tongue and made a childish face.

"Um, well I still have to finish a few things. But I'll bring you back something from a bakery yeah?" Y/N hesitantly explained, watching as the male's eyes slowly dropped in disappointment. "We can definitely go to dinner though! Okay? See you later!" She quickly ran away from the other and made her way to the station. Not giving ranpo the opportunity to talk or stop her.

***

An hour later, Y/N had returned to the agency carrying a small box in her arms. After clocking back in, she took the box up to her desk to finish up her assignment. It took nearly her entire lunch break but she finally manged to finsh the print job for Ranpo. Before she could get to her desk though, a figure stoof in front of the agency doors.

Ranpo looked up from his spot arms crossed and a frown on his face. "Did you even eat?" Was all that followed from his lips.

"Ah." Y/N said looking dumbstruck.

Ranpo let out a long sigh before grabbing Y/N's free arm and dragging her away from the agency. "You can't do your job if you have no food for your brain, dummy. Let's go eat at that new Cafe! Since I had to wait an extra hour for my lunch I'm extra hungry. So your paying!" Ranpo happily explained, his grip tighten on the other.

"But the deadline!" Y/N tried to protest but still allowed herself to be pulled away by the older man.

"Eh, I don't really care about that." Ranpo shrugged, "Those government people can cry about it for all I care. Food is more important than trying to secure a capitalist state." Y/n couldn't help but blink at the male in respond before she was suddenly stoo in front of the cafe.

What. In. The. World.

Without a word, Ranpo quickly pushed Y/N into the building and skipped straight to the cashier. "Hi there! Can I get one of everything on your menu please? Thank you!" With that Ranpo had placed a black credit card on the counter and grabbed Y/N's hand before walking off to find a table.

"Um, Ranpo are you good?" Y/N questioned, feeling taken back by the sudden forcefulness coming from the older male. Instead of responding, Ranpo gently pushed Y/N into a nearby chair and took the seat next to her.

"Now we can finally start our lunch date!" Ranpo smiled cheerfully.

"D-date?" Y/N stuttered, face feeling awfully warm.

Ranpo pouted, "Jeez, I asked you yesterday! Remember? Did you hit your head or something at the library?" Y/N just blinked at the other in shock, this was a date?

"Um, yeah I guess I did forget. I'm sorry Ranpo, I didn't mean to forget like that." Y/N blushed red, looking down in embarrassment at her words.

"Ah! It's fine really! Just don't let it happen again!" Ranpo said, clinging onto the other with a wide smile on his face. If Y/N had gathered the courage to glance at the other, she would see that the red in his checks looked absolutely exceptional.

[lilacqiqis]

ok this is kinda scary but i saw OP and BSD so i got rlly interested... By any chance do you also write jjk? If so can you add Choso and Sukuna to the request i'm about to send?? Tyyyy 😊

Luffy, Dazai, Atsushi headcanons with an extremely shy and withdrawn reader that loves physical touch maybe? I'm sorry if it's not specific enough 😅

mod qiqis request 🌊

hello! I haven’t fully watched JJK however lilac has! So it’s better if she takes that type of request.

However I can do the other ones you listed, it’s my time to shine, some of this will be personal hcs for each character from me, some a little sad.. I will state the hc under the characters so if you don’t like it you can know beforehand.

FANDOMS: bsd, one piece

all the hcs + reader under the cut <3

☀️ Atsushi:

HC: he can’t stand scary movies.

you two are sitting in your room. You promised him that you would watch a movie together -when atsushi was free of course- and he had kindly agreed. you boot up your pc and hop onto a streaming site as he holds a bag filled up with buttered popcorn. You decide to play a horror movie and make sure to ask if he’s okay with this, he seems a bit worried at first, however he reluctantly agrees.

further into the movie, when there was a “scary part” he would make a EEKKK noise and jump up almost like a cat! It was funny.. really funny actually..! but you had to push that horrible part of yourself away and admit… you felt kinda felt bad.

Now was the time for some.. collective thinking. Maybe you should try comforting him? You’re not really the best at comforting, or at talking to others at all, however in the end you decided to put your arms around him during the movie. He slowly blinked at you at first, but then he would happily smile at you and would cling on to you right back. This time he wasn’t scared, he enjoyed every bit of the movie, especially because it was with you.

☀️ Dazai:

HC: he gets confused when people are genuinely kind to him.

It was early Valentine’s Day, many decorations, specifically hearts were being hung around the detective agency, you were sure of who to get a valentines gift for but, you weren’t sure what. You decided to quickly ask around to everyone that was there.

Ranpo said that a box of chocolate would be perfect! His reasoning? Who doesn’t like sweets

Atsushi stated that a kind letter, simply showing how much you care is a great gift!

Yosano told that not only flowers are gorgeous, but they also symbolize love and care.

You’re quite scared on which gift he would like the most, so you decided it wouldn’t hurt to get them all.

VALENTINES DAY

You finally find him, holding the goodies in a safely put together bag, as you walk by he lets out a snarky comment then snickers. You lightly tap him on the shoulders. He seems almost confused at first but then you suddenly hand him the bag. You happily tell him that this is a Valentine’s Day gift for him -and dazais eyes widened- even more when he pulled out a handwritten letter. He puts his finger up to try and say something… however he just goes back to being completely shocked…you tried waving your hand across his face, but his eyes just stayed in the same direction. Even with a minute gone by he’s still standing there … completely still like a statue.

I guess you can kill them with kindness…?

☀️ Luffy:

HC: he still misses ace, and wishes he was there.

You could hear loud cheers from everyone on the ship, bottles popping and loud chewing. It was a nice banquet right after the saving of an island. The boy in red wiped his mouth and quickly walked out of the area, to the edge of the boat. You were quite confused now, this entire setup was FOR HIM! So after a bit of mind boggling, you decide to follow him to the boats edge and sit down right next to him.

His head instantly went up when he saw you were there, turning his entire body towards you, he smiled, said hi. With a crooked smile ( that reflects your love life ) you said hi back. You were nervous to ask of course, however you decided to in the end. “Are you okay?” You would ask, putting a hand on his shoulder. His eyes widened slightly. He didn’t even seem sure himself. When he did reply, he stated that he was sure he was completely over it, however he couldn’t help but wish his brother was with him at every party no matter where he went. You couldn’t help but feel bad for the boy, and in the end you ended up giving him a big hug, he smiled and hugged back

“It’s always alright to miss someone.”

You said, still tightly holding him in your grip. He giggled for a second, then completely started laughing. He let go of you and stood up from the place he was sitting. He thanked you, very much and told that those were the exact words he needed to hear. And so the boy walked off. You looked at his walk and smiled -what a boy- what a boy indeed

————————————————————————

my apologies if it’s a bit late lol I was at the mall + boring weekend stuff yadadada

for next requests you can ask for specific hcs so I don’t have to come up with my own/use my own 😭 I feel like im not following the og request

ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION try to stick to one fandom per request so its easier it feels so weird to put luffy and dazai in the same request

[osarina]

ᡣ𐭩 YOUNG GOD

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: after an agonizing two weeks, dazai finally returns to you and a much needed conversation takes place. {wordcount: 11.6k; fem!reader, sfw, romance}

AUTHOR'S NOTES: WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE AT INSTALLMENT 5 ALREADY!!! this is so bittersweet i'm literally about to cry, i hope you guys have enjoyed badlands and i hope y'all join me for unreal unearth next week!! i got to add one of my favorite quotes in this chapter hehe you guys get extra points if you spot it. reblogs definitely appreciated!! i’ll reblog with the taglist as soon as it decides to show on the dash & in the tags!

WARNINGS: explicit mentions of past suicide attempts + past self harm & scars

SEE: BADLANDS SERIES MASTERLIST READ: UNREAL UNEARTH SIDE B

Dazai is exhausted. His ears ring and his bones ache, his feet are unsteady beneath him and his body pleads for him to rest. Around him, the other members of the Agency are ecstatic, he thinks he’s gotten more hugs in the past hour than he’s gotten in his entire life. A part of him feels warm—he feels like he belongs, and his place in the Agency has always been one that he’s questioned. On bad nights, he used to think that the last place he truly belonged was on one of those three bar stools all those years ago, that being a member of the Agency—more than just in name, actually being a member—was nothing but an unattainable dream, because how could he possibly belong amongst people who are so unfailingly good that it makes his tainted heart stick out like a sore thumb? 

But now, Atsushi cries in relief at the sight of him and Yosano wraps him in a hug so tight that his already brittle bones threaten to snap; Kunikida’s throat spasms as he squeezes Dazai’s shoulder and Kenji and Kyouka throw themselves into his arms. Naomi and Haruno cling to his hands, while Tanizaki tears up in front of him with balled fists as he tells him that he’s missed him. Ranpo shoots him a wild grin and a salute and Fukuzawa pats the top of his head telling Dazai that he’s proud of him, and Dazai thinks he might cry because he feels like he’s finally found a home. 

An incomplete home, but a home nonetheless. 

Because even as he recounts his side of the story, watching hazily as Kunikida writes it all down, his mind is barely connected to his own body. His body feels prickly and his mind is muddled with fatigue, his brain throbs so painfully that he thinks he might actually be dying. He’s overwhelmed and anxious—the strain that the constant games of misdirection and manipulations with Dostoevsky has placed on him is finally becoming too much for him to handle. He’s on the verge of collapse and he needs to be somewhere he feels safe before that happens, and there’s only one place—one person—that fits that criteria.

You. 

He doesn’t even register what’s happening as Kunikida, Yosano and Atsushi help Dazai out of the office and into the back of Kunikida’s car. Atsushi sits with him in the back seat as Kunikida and Yosano take the front—they’re driving him somewhere, but Dazai isn’t even entirely sure where, and his tongue feels too heavy in his mouth for him to even ask. Atsushi is talking to him, he might even be telling Dazai where they’re going but the words sound like a distant hum and as he tries to read the boy’s lips, it all just seems blurry and unfocused. 

He doesn’t even know if you’re okay. 

Queen captured.

The words ring in his head over and over again as they have since the moment Dostoevsky uttered them aloud, but he doesn’t know what Dostoevsky’s capture of you entailed. He doesn’t know if you were killed. You could have been killed. If Dostoevsky had a lover, a weakness that Dazai could target, then they would have been the first person that Dazai aimed to take out to throw the Russian off of his game, and he would show no mercy. You could be dead, for all he knows; no one in the Agency had mentioned whether or not they knew if you were okay, or if they had, Dazai hadn’t heard it. 

You could be dead. 

Dazai’s vision spins again, his stomach lurches as Kunikida takes a turn too wide—he can’t keep himself grounded no matter how hard he tries. He wants to tell Kunikida that he needs to see you, he needs to get to your apartment complex and make sure you’re there, and if you’re not, he needs to talk to your neighbors and make sure you’re at least okay. Until he does that, he can’t rest, no matter how much his body begs him to give in. 

He loves you. He’s sure of it now. He knew it before he left you two weeks ago. He thinks he might have known it all the way back then on the night you rescued him at the shore, when you woke up in the middle of the night and sat with him on the couch after making him hot chocolate. He thinks he fell in love with the bright smile that lifted to your lips when he took a sip of the drink you made him and you realized he enjoyed it—no one has ever looked so happy to see him happy with something before, no one has ever cared enough about him for that.

He is so completely and irrevocably in love with you that Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live in a world without you. The thought alone makes his skin crawl and his chest cave in. Before he met you, he had long accepted that he was destined to be alone, that he wasn’t a human but instead a thing caught between monster and man—he had accepted that he was incapable of loving, and even more so, that he was incapable of being loved. 

You had changed his perspective on everything, you had changed it so absolutely that Dazai doesn’t think there’s any going back to how he once viewed the world, how he once viewed himself. He’s started looking forward to sunrises, if it means he could watch them with you. He’s found himself looking around Yokohama and seeing places to take you rather than scouting out places for possible attempts. God, he’s even saving his money—Dazai Osamu has never saved money in his life because he hoped that each day would hopefully be his last. He’s blow it on alcohol and food and stupid trinkets that he didn’t need, but now, he’s caught himself putting aside some of his paychecks so he can save up for a nicer apartment that the two of you can live in together.

Dazai thinks that he can’t breathe, his throat feels swollen and he brings one of his hands up to tug at the collar of the white sweatshirt he’s wearing, tugging at it as if it’s the reason that he can’t breathe properly.

Dazai can’t go back to a world without you. He can’t.

Next to him, Atsushi is reaching out to him, as if trying to get him to calm down and Dazai doesn’t even want to know what the expression on his face might be right now. Everything is crumbling and tunneling around him—Atsushi, Kunikida, and Yosano are all dissolving, the car doors are fading away, the buildings and the streets and all of the scenery is just disappearing. 

Shit, he thinks, trying to figure out how the hell to ground himself. Shit, shit-

The car comes to such an abrupt stop that Dazai would have gone flying into the seat in front of him were it not for Atsushi throwing an arm across his chest to stop it from happening, the brakes screeching loudly and the car skidding. Yosano is pointing wildly, shouting something and Kunikida is shouting something back, something along the lines of her nearly causing him to get into an accident, but Dazai can only follow to where Yosano is pointing too, gaze dragging across the woman’s arm in the direction of the beach to the left of the car.

He wonders if he’s hallucinating. 

His fingers are shaking violently as he reaches out to push open the car door, squirming out of Atsushi’s protective hold. He flings himself out of the car desperately, nearly crashing hard onto the concrete—the fresh air is almost dizzying as he inhales it, pushing himself to his feet as quickly as possible. His broken leg screams in protest, but Dazai ignores it, vision blurring for the sparest moment before it focuses in on the figure standing on the beach in a familiar long, tan coat. 

His lips part to call your name but no words leave them—he’s not sure if it’s because he’s still half out of it or if it’s because he’s scared that if he calls your name and you don’t respond, it’ll confirm it’s just a hallucination. 

But he doesn’t have to say your name, whether it’s just by chance or if you heard the brakes of the car screeching, you turn in his direction. 

You’re wearing his coat; it’s too long on you—the tan edges are dragging against the sand and whipping around you as the wind picks up. But you’re wearing his coat and you’re beautiful; your expression shifts into one of recognition and then shock as soon as you see Dazai in the near distance, the sun is starting to set over the horizon and the soft orange glow casts an unearthly glow over you, and Dazai thinks everything about this is entirely unreal. He thinks that you might be some sort of angel, or some other type of divine being, and he thinks that he doesn’t even deserve to look at you, much less consider you his.

As he makes his way toward you, he can’t even put together all of his thoughts in a coherent manner. You’re alive is the first thought that rings through his head, the relief is almost debilitating. All of the days he spent with his heart in his throat, unsure of whether or not his decision had gotten you killed, have finally come to an end. The next thought that runs through his head is god, because he’s imagined this moment dozens of times since he first had to leave you. He’s imagined running to you, scooping you into his arms and swinging you around, holding you close and refusing to let go because Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to let go of you again.

Except that’s entirely how it doesn’t go.

Dazai barely makes it to you before his legs are giving out on him, as much as he tries to ignore the pain, it evidently becomes too much for his body to handle. He’s collapsing into you the moment he makes it to you. His head is still throbbing, his leg is screaming, his body is aching, but your hands are instinctively grabbing him to break his fall, his knees crashing against the sand, and Dazai just can’t bring himself to care about the agony. He doesn’t care that his body is coming apart at its seams, he doesn’t even notice as you lower yourself down into the sand with him.

“Osamu.” His name leaves your lips in a breathy whisper, one that’s riddled with disbelief and longing—something else too, but Dazai can’t decipher it in his muddled state. “You’re here.”

He tries to say your name, but he’s pretty sure it comes out garbled and unintelligible. Distantly, he can feel his fingers twisting into the fabric of his jacket, trying to clutch onto you as best as he can in spite of the numbness that still threatens to consume him. Then, your grip on him shifts from the instinctual grab into your arms wrapping around his waist, one hand splayed across his back and the other sliding up to cradle his head to your chest as you hold him close, and Dazai thinks all is right in the world again. He doesn’t want to move, he doesn’t want to think, he doesn’t want to do anything but just let himself melt into you.

The feeling of your touch for the first time in weeks is enough to chase away the creeping numbness and anxiety, and everything still hurts but all of it dulls in comparison to being in your arms again. Dazai’s breath is shaky, he teeters over the edge of collapse now that he’s finally with you, his weary brain betraying him as it uses the comfort of your arms as an excuse to finally surrender. His vision swims—he’s not sure if it’s from relieved tears or exhaustion, maybe both—his nose is flooded with the scent of you, the scent of home.

“You’re here,” you whisper again as if you can’t believe it; Dazai can’t even blame you because a part of him still fears that if he lets go of you, you’ll disappear, a cruel trick on him played by his treacherous mind. You pull away from him and Dazai’s fingers instinctively cling to you harder, trying to get you to stay in place, but his body is far too weak for it to be effective. 

You lean back and bring your hands up to cup Dazai’s cheeks and it takes all of his willpower to not just let himself fall limp. Your expression twists a bit, he’s not sure what you see—nothing good, definitely. Yosano splinted his leg and cleaned up the wounds on his face, but his ability canceling hers prevents him from getting the wounds healed quickly, so his face is bruised and swollen, cuts litter his skin from when the elevator had crashed to the bottom floor. 

He thinks he must look disgusting, he doesn’t even know how you can bear to look at him. But he supposes that’s not a new thought to cross his mind, he’s never understood how you can look at him the way you do.

“What happened to you?” you breathe out, and Dazai’s lashes flutter as your thumb ghosts over his cheekbone, eyes searching his for an answer to your question. Dazai doesn’t know how to respond, so he doesn’t, leaning into your touch. “God, Osamu, you look like you’re about to drop dead.”

“Are you calling me ugly?” 

Even in his objectively terrible state, Dazai is able to croak out the five words, although he’s sure the playful lilt is lost in his fatigue. You stare at him for a moment, as if you didn’t hear him properly, but then your expression shifts into one of disbelief and your hand flies to your mouth to smother the laugh that he’s missed so desperately the past two weeks.

“Can you walk?” you ask after a moment, hand lingering on his cheek before dropping down to his forearm, squeezing gently. 

Dazai winces at your words, shaking his head—he barely even made it to you, he’s not going to make it all the way to your apartment complex.

You let out a puff of air caught between a laugh and a sigh. “Guess we’re doing this again,” you say, a teasing cadence dancing in your tone. Dazai’s brows furrow a bit in confusion, but then you’re grabbing his arm and trying to heave him to his feet. “At least you won’t be pretending to be unconscious this time.” 

Dazai struggles to help you as you do your best to get him onto your back; a nostalgic feeling sweeps through him as he remembers the first time the two of you met, waking up after a failed suicide attempt to find you cursing and complaining as you try to haul him back to your apartment. He wonders if you knew what you know now back then, if you would have still stopped to help him—but that leads him to a line of questioning that he doesn’t want to approach yet. 

Do you know where he’s been? 

Do you know his past? 

Do you know everything he’s done?

He pushes the thoughts away. 

As if the gods above remember the event and want the two of you to reenact it as close to the original as possible, he feels a few drops of rain splatter against his face.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” He hears you complain as you finally get him settled on your back. “Keep your gangly legs to yourself this time, I don’t need them knocking into me this time.”

“... I was purposely trying to trip you, you know?” Dazai admits, voice hoarse and weak and the smile curling to the edges of his lips is lazy but it’s real for the first time in what feels like forever. “I thought it would be funny.”

You gasp loudly. “I knew it! You’re such an asshole.”

Dazai laughs, letting his head fall into the crook of your neck—he wants to bask in the light feeling that’s replacing the emptiness in his chest, but a part of him can’t help but feel like this is only the eye of the storm. 

Back in the car, Kunikida looks a bit worried as you struggle to get Dazai onto your back. 

“Should we go help her?” he asks quietly, glancing over at Yosano.

But Yosano doesn’t respond to him. She has an uncharacteristically soft expression on her face as she watches you laugh loudly at something Dazai says. He finally looks somewhat coherent again now that he’s with you, still in pain but that detached, disconnected look in his eyes that had been terrifying Atsushi is gone. 

“No.” Atsushi is the one to respond to Kunikida, smiling lightly as he finally drags his gaze away as he watches a genuine smile twitch to the corners of Dazai’s lips as you nearly trip and fall under his weight. “Let’s head back to the office.”

Dazai has been sleeping for hours.

You let out a soft puff of air as you idly comb your fingers through his hair, eyes tracing his face. His right eye is completely swollen, his lip is split, you can see bruises littering his neck that disappear beneath the bandages he wears, his leg is broken and splinted. Despite all of that, he still somehow looks at ease as he rests in your lap.

You’re not as at ease.

Well, a part of you is, against all of your common sense. Having Dazai back in your arms is far more comforting than it should be, with the conversation that needs to be had looming over you. The sight of him sleeping peacefully in your lap, the feel of his heart thrumming beneath your hand, the sound of his steady breathing, it’s all enough to alleviate your body and mind of the stress and anxiety that has been crippling you for the past two weeks.

He’s alive. He’s okay. He came back to you. 

You find consolation in the thoughts—in the few days you were detained by the Hunting Dogs, all you could do was think about Dazai. Your mind raced with worst case scenarios and crippling fears. In spite of all of the allegations placed against him, you still love him—you’d known it well before he left and the relief you felt seeing him again before was enough to confirm it.

You think it’s dangerous, and maybe a bit stupid; a part of you knows that you should run for the hills, the crimes that Jouno Saigiku listed out are nothing to scoff at, and even putting aside morality, his former position as an executive of the Port Mafia should be more than enough to have you fleeing, if only because that puts you in danger too. No one gets to the position that he supposedly obtained without gaining masses of enemies and no one leaves it alive without doubling said enemies. 

But you’re not running for the hills—not because of his crimes, and not because of the risk of being with him—and that scares you a bit. You’re having trouble reconciling the Dazai you know with the one you’ve been told exists. Even when you recall all of the times you woke up to find him staring out your window with an unsettlingly detached expression, eyes too still and too black to be normal, as if they absorbed all sound and light around him; when you recall all of the man’s strange idiosyncrasies that just don’t line up with the front he puts up; when you recall that night in Kyoto where he refused to divulge what his previous job was, you just can’t. 

The logic fits, your brain can see it and piece it together, your heart just won’t accept it.

Your knuckles graze the side of his face, a conflicted expression crossing over your own. 

You don’t know what to do.

A part of you doesn’t want him to wake up, because you know that when he does, you’ll be forced to have the talk that you’ve been dreadfully anticipating since you learned about his crimes and imprisonment. You don’t know what you expect from the conversation, you don’t know how to approach it, you don’t know what you want to know nor why you want to know it, you don’t even know if you should continue with your relationship with him and you don’t even know why that’s still a question in your mind because obviously you shouldn’t continue a relationship with him. 

Your brain feels like it might implode.

You take a step back.

As you always do when you’re faced with conflict and feel yourself getting overwhelmed, you try to take a more logical approach. First, you make yourself a chart: pros and cons, always a favorite of yours, centering around Dazai and your relationship with him. Then, you make a list: everything else you need to know to properly weigh into each of the pros and cons.

Pros: 

Dazai makes you happy. (An important pro, you think, maybe it’ll outweigh all of the rest.)

Cons: 

138 counts of conspiracy to murder.

You pause. 

Distantly, you wonder what your life has come to—making a pro/con chart with one of the cons being 138 counts of conspiracy to murder. You press your hand against your mouth, staring ahead as you reconsider every action you’ve taken to lead to this moment. Promptly, you decide to scrap the pro/con chart and move right on to the list of things you need to know. 

What do you need to know?

First off, you need confirmation over whether or not the allegations are true—if they’re not, then you’re spiraling for nothing and you can move on happily in your relationship with Dazai.

If they are?

You swallow thickly. You need context—you’re not sure what type of context would justify those crimes, you don’t think there’s any justification for them, honestly, but there must be a reason as to why you cannot reconcile the Dazai that you know with the one you’ve been told exists. You like to believe that you’re good at reading people—although you’re definitely questioning it now—so there must be some context that you’re missing as to how the “alleged Dazai” became the “known Dazai.” 

And maybe—just maybe—if you can understand that, then maybe you can still move on in your relationship with him. Because even if his crimes aren’t justifiable, people can change and it would be beyond you to scorn someone trying to do their best to become a better person. It’s not like you’re some squeaky clean, paragon of virtue anyway: your university and grad school is mostly being paid off by your brother’s blood money from the underground rings, and yeah, it doesn’t really compare to being a former executive to the most dangerous gang in Yokohama but it definitely narrows your room to judge. 

You glance back down at Dazai.

Your eyes meet wide, tired brown ones that immediately shut as soon as he catches you looking at him, as if pretending to still be asleep.

“Dazai Osamu, we are not playing this game again.”

Dazai reopens his eyes with a sheepish smile but he doesn’t say anything for a moment. Slowly, his expression shifts, the corners of his lips furling downward as a mixture of realization and resignation pools in his eyes. 

“You know.”

The two words are so unassuming yet so damning, your heart lurches and your stomach churns. Dazai isn’t looking at you anymore, he’s staring up at the ceiling, waiting for you to speak.

Is that confirmation? Just like that?

“I don’t know anything until you tell me,” you decide to say, your voice a bit tighter than you intended for it to be.

Dazai’s eyes draw back to you, studying you carefully. He looks conflicted—over what, you’re not sure. You think if he tries to blow this off rather than explaining it to you, you might lose your mind. You’re giving him a chance to explain on his own terms and if he doesn’t take it-

You reach out instinctively as Dazai starts to push himself off of your lap into a sitting position, fingers brushing his back worriedly. 

“You shouldn’t be moving around,” you tell him quietly.

He only shakes his head, finally speaking, his voice so quiet that it’s barely audible. “Let me take you somewhere.”

S. ODA

The four letters engraved into the headstone before you have been weathered by time, you can see lichen creeping across the slate and stone flaking at the edges—enough for you to put together that whoever has been put to rest here has probably been gone for a few years. Questions itch at the tip of your tongue but you bite them, waiting for Dazai to say something instead so that he can lead the conversation.

He has yet to say a word. From the moment that he slid into the passenger seat of your car, the only words that he’s spoken have been directions to the cemetery. The conflicted expression that had been etched onto his face has finally disappeared, smoothing out into an eerily blank one that you can hardly stand to look at because you know only dark thoughts must be racing through his head. 

You wrap your arms around your waist as another chilly wind whips around the two of you, grateful that you’d thrown a jacket on before leaving your apartment. Dazai is only dressed in his trench coat, too thin for the cold but he refused to wear anything else. You’re not sure why, but you have caught him burying his nose into the collar and inhaling, memorizing your scent as if it’s about to disappear. 

“I officially joined the Port Mafia when I was fifteen,” Dazai finally says. You raise your eyebrows a bit, wondering just how much autonomy a fifteen year old has to willingly choose to join the Mafia, but you don’t voice your thoughts, waiting for him to continue. “I met Nakahara Chuuya, a current executive of the Mafia, that same year and we earned the moniker Double Black for being the most lethal pair in Yokohama’s underground. At sixteen, I was put in charge of the boss’s personal covert ops unit and I was promoted to executive for all of my accomplishments, youngest underboss in the Mafia’s history. I’d eliminated countless rival organizations, opened numerous new distribution channels for all of their illegal trades, and had a hand in planning nearly all of the major operations both within and outside of Yokohama.”

His voice is void of any emotion, a cold monotone as he speaks the words like a bland recitation of a prewritten speech; his eyes are too empty and far too still as he stares ahead at the grave in front of the two of you. It’s unnerving; somehow, you think you like it even less than the actual matter of what he’s saying.

“Until I was eighteen, I continued to be the driving force behind the Mafia’s rapid growth and ironclad control over Yokohama; while I was an executive, no foreign organization dared to try to usurp control over any of our territory. They’d give up their territory if they knew I was the one heading the expansion operations, because they were scared of me and because they knew it was a lost cause trying to defend against me. Whatever you heard about me, it’s all true and probably way worse than you could ever imagine.”

The silence between the two of you following his words is damning—the wind is too loud and the distant sounds of cars honking and brakes screeching is jarring. You can hear your heart thudding in your ears, you can feel your gut twisting, your fingers tremble from where they’re stuffed in your pockets. Dazai is a statue next to you, his eyes haven’t budged, his limbs are stiff. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think him a corpse

Your lips part to speak but no words leave then. You take a moment before trying again. “How did you end up with the Mafia?” you ask, your voice is much weaker than you intended for it to be. 

Because that’s what you need to focus on—the context, that’s what you’d decided before he woke up and that’s what you’ll stick to, not what he’s done, but first how he ended up there and then why he left. You can’t imagine a fifteen year old willingly choosing to join the Mafia, so you think there must be more to the story. 

For the first time since the two of you arrived at the grave, Dazai moves—it’s subtle, a twitch of his fingers and a tug at the corner of his lips but it’s gone in an instant, you almost miss it. 

“I tried to kill myself when I was fourteen.” Bile rises to your throat almost as soon as his words process, you finally turn to look up at him but his expression hasn’t shifted at all. “The doctor tending to me ended up becoming the new leader of the Port Mafia. I was kept around as an insurance policy, and partly by my own volition, but I joined willingly at fifteen after turning him down several times.”

“Why?”

“I… thought something would happen. For so long, I just… couldn’t feel anything, and I didn’t see the point in living because of it. I thought that maybe the more extreme emotions—violence, death, desire—all of the things that are found in abundance in the Mafia… I thought that if I could be around people who display all of these things so plainly, that I would be able to see and understand what makes humankind human. I thought that maybe it would help me feel more human, and find some sort of reason to keep living.”

You exhale, eyes sliding shut for a second. You feel nauseous—hands lighty trembling as you desperately try to digest the large pill he gave you as quickly as you can because you still have more questions but god, what type of fourteen, fifteen year old feels so empty inside that he turns to the Mafia to try to feel something?

“You were a kid, Osamu. You’re not some incarnate of evil for ending up where you did, you were failed by all of the adults in your life,” you finally say quietly; you’re the one staring ahead now, and you can feel his eyes on you but you don’t dare to turn to look at him because you know that it’ll make you crack and you need to continue. Clearly something else happened when he was eighteen that led to him leaving the Mafia but what? Your gaze trails back to the grave in front of you, a sinking feeling in your chest. You take a deep, steady breath before asking your next question: “What changed at eighteen?”

“I didn’t leave the Port Mafia because I had some great epiphany as to the immorality of my actions,” Dazai snaps. His voice is tight and borderline antagonistic, emotion finally seeping into the monotone, as if he’s trying to convince you that he is what you claim he’s not. “I-”

He cuts himself off abruptly, his voice cracks, you lift your gaze to his face and your throat spasms when you notice the black pits have been replaced with the warm brown you’re used to, a vast array of emotions swimming within them, too many for you to pinpoint a single one.

“He was my friend,” Dazai finally says softly. “My only one, maybe. When he died, he told me that if both sides are the same to me—evil and justice—that I should become a good person, I should save people. So, do you understand? Nothing about me has changed since back then, and the only reason I’m on the side of the ‘good’ is because someone else asked it of me, not for any altruistic reason. I’m still the same now as I was then.”

“... I don’t think that’s quite true,” you tell him after a few seconds of silence, and you can feel him look at you and you can practically hear the bitter ‘what do you know?’ that he’s about to let out, so you force yourself to continue before he can. “I think that if someone had told me all of this a few weeks ago, I would’ve laughed in their face. I never once-”

Dazai scoffs. “So, you don’t understand,” he says, voice reverting back to that empty tone you hate, but his body is tense and he’s looking anywhere but you. “I’m good at putting up fronts, wearing masks depending on who I’m around; it’s how I learned to blend in with people. The man you know doesn’t exist. I’m a fraud, my blood runs black; when I’m pushed into a corner, I invariably fall back into old habits. I’ll never leave the dark and I don’t belong-”

“I think you’re wrong,” you interrupt him, recalling Yosano’s words from two weeks ago—he’ll never believe it himself. “I don’t think you’ll ever see yourself from an objective standpoint. I don’t think you want to believe that you’ve changed for the better, but I think you have. I’m not stupid, Osamu, and I’ve never been one to fall for people’s acts, no matter how good they might be. I’ve known something was up with you since that first night when I woke up and found you staring out the window, and still, I have never once doubted that you were a good man.”

“I killed people to get out of Meursault, I was willing to torture people to get information when the Guild showed up in Yokohama and then again when the Decay of the Angel arrived, I’ll manipulate anyone and everyone around me to see my plans through, I…”

Dazai is still listing off all of the reasons why he’s still a bad person, and maybe you should be listening but you can hear the way his voice is becoming increasingly more tinged with desperation, as if he’s intent on convincing you to change your viewpoint on him. You wonder if he thinks you’ll run, and then, you wonder if he’s trying to make you run—each sentence he speaks becomes more descriptive than the last. 

He’ll find himself sorely disappointed, because you’ve already decided that you won’t run. You’re still not convinced that this is the smartest decision on your part; Dazai is dangerous and being with him is dangerous, not because of him himself, but because of the threats that still linger from his past, but you suppose love always drives people to do stupid things in its name anyway. Even now, as he lists off all of these terrible things, you can’t imagine your life without him—you think a life without him will be dull and gray, and you’ll always look back to the time you spent with him as the happiest you ever were, regretting the decision you made here. 

You’re not the type of person to live a life full of regrets. 

And whether he sees it or not, you think he has changed. You’re not the only one—Yosano, Atsushi, all of the members of the Agency see him in a similar light as you, but he’s so blinded by his past that he refuses to see himself in the present. Even the things he says now, all of it was done in the name of protecting the people he cares about, and that’s not something you’re going to condemn him for. 

“I think he’d be proud of you.” You cut off his tangent with seven quiet words and Dazai goes utterly still and utterly silent next to you. “I didn’t know him, of course, but I think he’d be proud of the man you’ve become, Osamu. Change doesn’t happen overnight, you were surrounded by the dark for so long, and from such a young age, that it might take decades to remove its influence over you, but you’re trying and you’re saving people. I wish you could see yourself the same way I see you. I think he would be proud.”

You wonder if you pushed too far, sparing a glance his way. His brows are furrowed so intensely that you can’t hope to try to imagine what might be going through his mind, brown eyes flooding with emotion as he looks down at his friend’s grave.

“I’m not someone that was born to be with people,” he finally croaks out. “Romantically or platonically. I’m not right in the head. Manipulative, constantly trying to kill myself, prone to jealousy, pettiness and casual cruelty. There are so many people trying to kill me that I stashed guns in your apartment when you weren’t home just in case they came after me while I’m there—I don’t care if they get me, but they might go after me when I’m with you, or even go after you to get to me. Sometimes, I regret leaving the Mafia because I feel like it’s the only place I actually belonged because it’s the only place where I was actually good at what I do.”

You don’t speak, instead letting him list off everything that he thinks is wrong with him, laying out bare all of the things that he tried so hard to hide from you over the past few months. He can’t look at you, eyes trained ahead and you can see the way his fists are clenched in the pockets of his trench coats. He lowers his face into his collar again, burying his nose in the fabric before continuing. 

“During really bad slumps, I can barely get out of bed even though I can’t sleep; sometimes I won’t eat for days unless someone notices and forces me to and if they do, I usually get nasty with them; and I’ll do just about anything to die. Atsushi-kun has had to fish me from more rivers than I can count, Kunikida-kun has had to drag me to the hospital after trying to overdose on pills or drink various types of poisons, Yosano-sensei has spent days watching over me because she didn’t trust me not to try again once one of them saved me.”

His voice has mostly returned to that cold monotone, but there’s a hint of emotion clinging to the edges that he just can’t wipe away, something caught between desperation and pleading. Your throat feels tight and swollen and you think that your heart might be shattering a bit with how he’s so set on pushing you away and convincing you that he’s simply too horrid to be loved. 

“I can’t cook. I don’t clean. I hardly shower. I’m more often drunk than I am sober. I can barely go a week without trying to kill myself at least once. I suck at saving money because I figure I’m going to die soon anyway, so I don’t see the point in it. I have an awful lifestyle and more unhealthy habits than I can count. I've tried to change it but I always fail. I don’t know how to comfort people and when I’m confronted with conflict by people I care about, I’ll avoid them until I can act like nothing's wrong. I’ll be more of a bother than anything else, really.”

“I still want you,” you finally say quietly, watching as a distressed expression sweeps over his face.

“You really don’t,” he protests weakly. You wonder if he’s trying to convince himself of it, or you—maybe both.

“I do. I’ll take care of you.”

“It’s rotten work,” he breathes out, a last ditch attempt to persuade you away. 

“Not to me,” you tell him firmly. “Not if it’s you.”

“I don’t deserve this.” Dazai shakes his head, voice so quiet that you can barely hear him. “I don’t understand—everything I told you and you’re still… I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”

“I disagree, but regardless, that’s hardly relevant,” you say absently, finally reaching out to loop your arm in his, resting your head against his bicep. “Do you want this? Do you want me?” 

“Yes.” His voice is so hoarse and so low, as if he can barely bring himself to say the words out loud.

“Then it’s yours. I’m yours.”

Dazai’s jaw is clenched so tight that you’re worried he’s going to damage his teeth, he brings his hand to his eyes as if to cover the upper half of his face. You squeeze his arm a bit, comforting, eyes sliding shut.

“Everything I touch withers and turns to ashes,” Dazai rasps. “Anything I never want to lose is always lost. I’m scared that by being with you, I’m also killing you.”

“I’ll take that risk, if it means I can be with you,” you tell him, watching as he shakes his head, still refusing to look at you.

“You’re so damn stubborn,” he exhales quietly.

“You love me for it,” you tease lightly.

“I do,” he admits, and your eyes shoot open a bit at his words. You glance up at him, but he’s looking ahead, expression downcast. “And I’m sorry about that.”

“Are you apologizing for loving me?” you ask, a bit incredulously.

“Yeah. I am.”

“Osamu…”

Your voice is soft, you’re not sure what you want to say but you falter when Dazai suddenly looks down at you. His eyes are so exhausted, he looks like he hasn’t had any rest in years—his shoulders sag and his arms hang limply at his sides. You think that maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to all of this when he’s still recovering, but you also think that the fatigue is not just physical.

 “I’m so tired,” Dazai suddenly whispers, resting his forehead on the top of your head. His voice cracks a bit over the word, you slip your arms around his waist, letting him lean into you.

“Then let’s go home, yeah?”

“... Yeah, let’s go home.”

When you get back to your apartment, it’s still dark but you know dawn will break soon; as Dazai stumbles over to your bed, you make your way to the window. You close the curtains so that Dazai will be able to sleep easily even after the sun rises, and then move over to your nightstand to turn on the dim lamp so you can at least see a little bit. 

Dazai drops his coat onto your desk chair before he takes a seat on the edge of your bed, feet planted on the floor as he stares ahead at the wall. He looks lost, conflicted; you don’t know what to say to draw him out of it, so you decide not to say anything. Instead, you make your way over to him and take a seat next to him—your thigh brushes his, arms ghosting each other’s, and Dazai immediately leans over to rest his head on your shoulder, eyes sliding shut.

You lift your hand to cradle the back of his head, fingers idly carding through his dark locks. You feel him let out a shaky breath, the air hot against your skin, and you turn your head to the side, pressing your lips to the top of his hair, lingering for a moment before resting your head against his.

“Lay down and get some sleep,” you tell him softly. “I’ll stay with you.”

Dazai exhales, but he doesn’t budge from where he’s leaning heavily against you. “... I need to take off my bandages,” he finally says quietly. “They’re drenched in sweat and blood, haven’t had a chance to change them since I left… I don’t want to get in bed with them on.”

You pause and then ask, “Do you want me to go grab the new roll I bought? I can step out.”

“I don’t have the energy to put them back on,” he finally murmurs, and then a bit more hesitantly, he adds: “Can you help me take them off?” 

You think your heart is in your throat. In the months you’ve been with Dazai, the only glimpse you’ve gotten of his body beneath the bandages was that day he showed up at your doorstep bleeding out and you had no choice but to cut through some of them to patch up the wound, and even then, you only saw the sparest bits of his body, only what was necessary to stop the bleeding. He’s been so careful to keep it hidden from you and now…

“Yeah,” you breathe out. “Of course, I can.”

You shift a bit so that you can kneel behind him on the bed, fingers curling around the hem of his white long sleeved shirt. You tap his arm gently, a silent ask for him to raise his arms, and when he does, you slide the thick cloth off of his body, leaving him in his pants and the bandages that cover every inch of visible skin besides his face and hands.

He was right, they do look disgusting—most of them are yellowed and frayed at the edges, as if they’d been drenched with water and dried several times over. There’s blood staining the bandages on his side and a black tarry substance clinging to the bandages wrapped around his waist. You lean forward and press your lips against his shoulder, over the somewhat clean bandages that are covering the skin there, and you can hear Dazai let out a sharp, shaky breath in front of you.

“Ready?” you whisper, fingers grazing the clip fastened to the bandages on his neck, holding them in place. 

He only nods, so you press another soft kiss to him, this time to the crook of this neck, and unfasten the clips to unwind the bandages from around his neck. To your credit, your fingers don’t falter when a rugged, discolored scar is revealed, looped around his neck; it’s mostly faded, but it’s still rough beneath the pads of your fingers. Your eyes linger though, there’s no question as to what caused the scar and your mind instinctively draws back to all of the offhand comments and jokes that Dazai has ever made about ceiling beams and nooses and your throat feels a bit tight.

You dip your head down to press your lips against the nape of his neck, right over where the rough skin crosses. You can hear his breath hitch, you can feel the way he shivers, but you don’t say anything as you continue to unwind the bandages around his chest and torso. You’ve seen most of the scars that litter his back from when you’d had to patch up his bullet wound, but it’s different seeing them without the fear of him bleeding out fogging your brain. 

They look much harsher against his pale skin now—the worst is still that deep, jagged one that runs from his shoulder to the corner of his hip, but you can’t help but notice that there are more that you hadn’t noticed that day. Most of them are various types of cuts and slashes, some deeper than others, and healed bullet wounds, your gaze is particularly drawn to the most recent one on his upper back. It’s fresh compared to all of the others, still red and easily agitated—your fingers brush over it for a moment before you lean in to press another kiss to his shoulder blade, right over where the worst of the scars begins. 

You shift from behind him to sit at his side, dropping the bandages that had been covering his chest, torso and neck haphazardly onto your bedroom floor before reaching out for his right arm.

Dazai withdraws immediately.

His expression is guarded, you think that his eyes seem a bit glassy but you can’t tell with the dim lighting. You don’t say anything, and you don’t reach out again; after a few moments of him studying you, his shoulders slump and Dazai moves his arm so that it’s back in your lap. Your eyes trace his face one last time, making sure he’s okay, before you lift your fingers to start unwrapping the bandages, starting at his bicep. 

The skin of his bicep is mostly clear—there’s one light scar cutting through its side, as if a bullet had grazed him. When you move down to his forearm, Dazai is stiff and you can see the discomfort on his face, but he doesn’t pull away, so you continue. 

And you falter, because as you loosen the bandages to remove them, you catch sight of the deep scars lining his wrist and forearm. The skin is uneven and discolored, there’s hardly an inch of visible skin on his lower arm that’s not covered by the vertical scars. He’s staring at you, dark eyes heavy and inspecting your every reaction—he’s looking for something, and you don’t know what, but you just decide to do the same thing you’ve done every other time you finished taking off a set of bandages and lean down to press your lips against his pulse point, moving over to do the same to his other wrist after unwrapping the bandages there too.

Your gaze flickers down to his legs, where you can see the bandages on his ankles peeking out from the white pants he’s wearing, a bit too short for his long legs. You pat his thigh gently and say, “C’mon, let’s get you out of these ugly things.”

Dazai shifts up just enough for you to help him slide the loose plants off so you can toss them off to the side, leaving him in his briefs and the bandages wrapped around his thighs and calves. You move to kneel in front of him, instantly getting to unwinding them, starting at his ankle. 

“Do you remember what you told me back then?” Dazai asks quietly, looking down at his lap instead of you. “The day we met?” 

“I told you a lot of things that day,” you say lightly as you glance up at him, careful as you unwrap the bandages around his calves. You kiss his knee. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“You said you’d change the trajectory of my life,” he murmurs, twisting his fingers absently. 

Vaguely, you remember the words, smiling a bit in amusement. 

“About the hot chocolate?” you question, laying a kiss to his other knee before shifting up to unwrap the bandages on his thighs; you make sure not to let the pain show on your face when you notice that his inner thighs are as littered with scars as his wrists and forearms, all of them dangerously close to his femoral artery. 

“Yeah.” He lets out a puff of air akin to a laugh, but when you glance up at him, you see there’s very little amusement on his face. In fact, he looks more wistful than anything else. “You really did, you know? Not with the hot chocolate, obviously, but just… you. You did.”

You sit back on your heels as you look up at Dazai, taking his hand into yours before lifting it to your lips, kissing his knuckles softly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly. When he continues, his voice is hoarse, bordering on a plea, “Don’t ever go somewhere I can’t follow.”

“Somewhere without you?” you ask, a teasing lilt to your voice as you kiss the palm of his hand before letting go so you can move to unwrap the bandages from his other leg. “Sounds dreadful, I would never.”

He lets out a noise as if he doesn’t entirely believe you, as if it’s some inevitable fate that the two of you will face. So when you finish unwinding the bandages and push them off to the side with the rest of them, you lean up on your knees to cup his cheek, pulling him down a bit to you so you can press your lips to the corner of his. 

“You’re stuck with me.”

“I think it’s the other way around,” he croaks out, and the wry laugh he lets out falls flat. 

You squeeze his hand again before you rise to your feet, and when you do, Dazai’s throat spasms as you stand in front of him, looking down at him. He’s stripped bare in front of you now—physically, emotionally, and he looks at you with an expression that lets you know that you have the power to utterly ruin him. He’s trusted you with his heart, handed it over to you on a platter after having guarded it so desperately and carefully for so long, and you can see the vulnerability in his dark eyes as he watches you restlessly, waiting to see what you’ll do with it. 

You lean forward again, pressing your lips against his forehead softly and then to his own, a chaste, innocent kiss that lasts no longer than half a second. 

“I love you,” you tell him quietly. 

Humans cannot live without a heart, so if he’s to give you his, it’s only fair that you give him your own—though realistically, yours has already been his for a long time. Your heart beats in his chest now, and his in yours, and you wonder if he understands the gravity of what that means but you think he does, if the way his expression crumbles has anything to say about it. His hands fly to your waist, dragging you down onto his lap. His fingers bite a bit too deeply into your skin for it to be comfortable, but you only wrap your arms around his shoulders and let him bury his face into the crook of your neck. 

“I think I might’ve been born just so I could meet you,” Dazai admits, words thick and throaty, muffled against your neck.

You smile lightly, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck, turning your head to the side to kiss his temple. “I feel the same,” you whisper, because there’s no way anything but destiny led you to Dazai Osamu on that beach—one way or another, you were fated to be with him. 

Dazai pulls his face from where he’s had it tucked in your neck to press his lips to yours; he kisses you desperately, hands rising to cup your cheeks. In one swift motion, he has you pinned down on the bed, hips and chest flush to yours, hand slipping behind your head to tilt your head so he can deepen the kiss, and you’re reeling at his sudden switch up, struggling to keep up with him. His tongue traces the inside of your lip, deceptively gentle compared to the way he has body pressed against yours.

Your hands fly to his waist, sliding over his bare skin, over all of the rough ridges of his scars and his body shudders against yours violently, unused to the feeling of someone touching him without his bandages as a barrier. He pulls back, tugging at your bottom lip softly before moving just far enough away for your lips to be brushing, sharing the same sliver of air. You can feel his breath fanning across your lips, it smells of the peppermints you have littered across your desk and distantly, you can’t help but wonder when he managed to steal one, but the thought is only fleeting. It’s dizzying, hot, so intimate that you think your heart is about to fly out of your chest.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this,” Dazai breathes out, dark eyes searching yours as he speaks.

“Me neither,” you agree, and then you smile, leaning up to steal another kiss from him, and then another, and then another. “Good thing we have the rest of our lives to try.”

Less than a week later, you stand in the chaos of the Armed Detective Agency as they argue over a new case—and by they, you mean Yosano and Kunikida with Dazai occasionally making antagonistic comments to try to make Kunikida blow a fuse. You don’t really know what you’re doing here, you suppose the Agency doesn’t really care and you have nothing better to do anyway —you lost your internship at the Ministry of Defense, obviously, with all of the chaos that went down and classes have yet to start up again, and Dazai begged and pleaded for you to come with him to work because he ‘can’t stand having to look at Kunikida-kun’s ugly mug all day,’ but you figure it’s only because he wants to sneak off to you whenever Kunikida is distracted.

Like now.

Dazai has flopped onto where you’re lounging on the couch as he watches Kunikida and Yosano go at it, head resting on your chest, giggling to himself as Kunikida’s face goes red and Yosano looks increasingly more entertained. You’re idly playing with his hair as you scroll through your phone, distantly listening to the argument that you’re pretty sure Dazai instigated just so he could slink away from his desk.

It’s only a matter of time before Kunikida notices Dazai’s scheme and drags him off of you, but it’s nearly the end of the day anyway and you and Dazai are going to the theme park in the Kanagawa prefecture once he can leave work, so you’re excited. You think you’re going to ask Atsushi, Kyouka and Kenji to come along with the two of you, even if Dazai pouts and scowls over it, because they’ve spent most of the day talking to you when Kunikida was forcing Dazai to actually do his work. 

“Ranpo will be here soon,” Yosano goads Kunikida. “We’ll see what he says.”

Kunikida’s eye twitches and he parts his lips to speak but before he can, the door to the Agency flies open and a familiar dark-haired man comes bounding in, snacking on a bag of sweets. Tanizaki follows behind him, looking exhausted if not a bit relieved to be back. 

“Tanizaki got us lost three times,” Ranpo complains, making his way through the reception area toward the interior. Tanizaki looks disgruntled, as if he doesn’t entirely agree with Ranpo’s statement but is beyond arguing about it. Ranpo pauses next to the couches where you and Dazai are lounging. “It’s you.”

Your eyebrows raise a bit when you notice the thinly veiled irritation in Ranpo’s voice. Dazai looks up, eyes a bit narrowed, and both Yosano and Kunikida pause from where they were about to bring their argument to Ranpo, sharing a look with one another. 

“Ranpo-san, don’t be ru-” Dazai starts to complain, although you can tell there’s a hint of tightness to his voice. 

“First, everyone in the Agency ignores me when I tell them not to take this case; then, I go out of the way to warn you about the Hunting Dogs and instead of listening to me, you throw yourself into the heart of Yokohama and make yourself easy pickings for them,” Ranpo rants. “I don’t even know why I try.”

Realization strikes fast, your face feels a bit hot. Dazai sits up from where he’s laying on you, looking between you and Ranpo, a bit confused. 

“... You were R,” you realize sheepishly, wondering how you hadn’t put it together sooner. 

Ranpo all but sneers. “Aren’t you supposed to be an honors student at Waseda? I swear, sometimes I think I’m the only person in my life with brain cells.” he says snidely, pointedly raising his chin and looking away from you as he adds: “I suppose your arrest wasn’t entirely a bad thing, though—made the police force more willing to open their eyes with their wives and family members going off the deep end about the Hunting Dogs. But still, after all the effort I went through to get that warning to you…”

He finishes with a loud scoff, but you’re more focused on the aghast expression on Dazai’s face as he looks at you, and you brace yourself for the conversation that’s about to come, wondering how the hell you’re going to get out of it.

“You got arrested?” Dazai blanches, eyes wide and face a bit pale.

You wince, laughing a bit sheepishly. “Yeah… ha, look at us, in jail at the same time! Couple goals, huh?” 

Dazai doesn’t look half as amused—a mix of disbelief, guilt and a hint of anger all visible on his face. You don’t know where the guilt is coming from, but you figure he must blame himself for it somehow, which you think is a bit ridiculous because it was your choice to let yourself get arrested when you had the chance to flee. You think that your trip to the amusement park is going to be tainted now, because you know that as soon as Dazai gets the chance, he’s going to bully you into an interrogation over what happened, so to salvage the night and spare yourself the headache, you finally make your move.

“Atsushi-kun, Kyouka-chan, Kenji-kun, Osamu and I are going to the amusement park later, you should join us!” 

The look Dazai gives you is nothing short of betrayal, but luckily, Atsushi, Kenji and Kyouka, who’ve all lit up at your words, excited, can see it from where they’re sitting. You smile sweetly up at Dazai, leaning up to steal a kiss; he is disgruntled, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Oh? The one in Kanagawa?” Yosano suddenly asks, interested. “We’ll come too.”

Dazai buries his face in your chest, letting out a muffled groan. Yosano tosses you a wink, seemingly having forgotten about her argument with Kunikida as she throws her arm around the man and gives him a sharp look.

“Won’t we, Kunikida?” she asks with a terrifying smile. Kunikida looks as if he’s going to protest but before he can, Yosano’s arm around him tightens. “Won’t we?”

“Fine,” Kunikida bites out, looking none too pleased. “I need to hurry and finish this report then, so let go.”

Ranpo points at you. “You’ll fund my cotton candy for the night as an apology for the unnecessary headache,” he declares and you let out a huff of laughter in agreement.

“Can Naomi and I come too?” Tanizaki asks, a bit hesitant as he glances at you and notices the way Dazai has slumped into your chest, defeated. “We’ve only been once when we were kids. It’d be fun to go back.”

“‘Course,” you agree easily. “Dazai and I are gonna head out now though, I have to run to the store before we go.”

Kunikida only waves you off—he probably doesn’t even register what you asked, too focused on getting his report done—so you push Dazai off of you and rise to your feet, stretching because your back has become a bit sore from lounging around all day. Dazai nearly topples onto his ass, shooting you an accusing look before standing up straight.

You hold your hand out to him, he takes it, looking a bit mollified. 

“See you in a bit,” you tell the Agency, and you get various different goodbyes as you leave the office.

As soon as the door shuts behind the two of you, Dazai is scowling at you. “You’re devious,” he claims. “Inviting them all to avoid a much needed conversation. Diabolical.”

“Learned from the best,” you coo, leaning into him and nudging his arm with your shoulder. He rolls his eyes, you grin. “Please, you and I both know you would spend the whole night trying to talk about it if we go alone and it would piss me off. We can talk about it when we get home.”

“And now.” The smile that Dazai gives you is all teeth, you grimace. “How did you get arrested?”

You just shrug. “They asked me for information, I refused to give it. I figured if they were going to come after me one way or another, it’s better that it happens in public—people don’t really take kindly to watching someone get arrested for associating with an organization that they’ve all associated with at some point or another because they’ll get scared that they’re next.”

Dazai looks at you, distinctly impressed. “You are devious.” He sounds proud, your cheeks heat up a bit, but then his expression drops again. “But still reckless. You could’ve been killed.”

“But I wasn’t.” You wave him off and then absently bid goodbye to the cafe owner and his wife as the two of you leave the cafe and make your way down the street to where you’d parked this morning. 

“But you could’ve been,” Dazai stresses the words, he’s a lot more tense than you expected, his jaw is tight. He catches the way you’re looking at him and shakes his head, letting out a puff of air. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you ask, brows furrowed.

“It’s my fault,” he tells you, and you immediately scoff, rolling your eyes. “It is, you don’t understand—I was with Dostoevsky in Meursault, I had to make a decision-”

“Shut up,” you tell him, irate. His mouth shuts instantly. “Stop acting like I have no autonomy. I knew what I was walking into, I chose to do it anyway. That’s the end of it, stop blaming yourself for every little thing that goes wrong, Osamu. You’re only human, you can’t control everything.”

You can tell that Dazai doesn’t believe you, but that’s an argument for another day. Luckily, Dazai doesn’t look too keen on pressing the subject anyway. Instead, conflict sweeps over his face as he studies you.

Finally, he asks quietly, “You never doubted the Agency?”

You let out a sharp laugh. “Are you kidding? There’s no way anyone’s going to convince me that the people in that office building are terrorists. That’s absurd, I figured there was something supernatural going on, just didn’t know what.”

Dazai looks at you, disbelief painted on his face. You’re not sure why until he lets out his own laugh, shaking his head. “The Decay of the Angel had a reality altering book,” he explains, eyeing you as the two of you continue down the sidewalk. “And you managed to somehow subvert the reality they created with it.”

You can’t tell if it’s a question or not, and for some reason, you feel distinctly seen as he looks down at you with an indecipherable expression. So you just shrug. “They shouldn’t have written such a ludicrous reality, then,” is all you say, a bit awkwardly.

Dazai only laughs again, slinging an arm around your shoulder. You lean your head into him, smiling softly. You bask in his presence, letting the warmth of the setting sun wash across your face as you share a few moments of silence. 

As the two of you reach the parking garage you’d parked in, Dazai suddenly stops, looking down at you. “Do you believe in fate?” he asks quietly, uncertainty in his eyes as he watches you for a response.

“Yeah,” you tell him. You’ve always believed in fate, and you believe in it a bit more after meeting Dazai, because somehow you know that you were always destined to meet him, that your fates have been intertwined since the moment the two of you were born. You simply cannot imagine a life without him, not in this world or any other. “String theory, multiverse, I think the world’s a lot bigger than just ours. Why?” 

You glance up at him curiously. “You do?” he asks a bit distantly, leaning down to ghost his lips against your forehead. Then a bit more hesitant, he continues, “If you think there’s more worlds like ours… do you think we’re together in all of them?” 

You snort, which is obviously not the reaction Dazai expects from the way he jolts, but before he can take offense to your reaction, you speak.

“Definitely,” you say so confidently that he almost looks taken aback. “I’ll find you in every universe, you can count on it.”

You think he looks beautiful right now as the sun finally sets over the horizon, the pale orange tints of the coming dusk making his skin glow, his eyes soft and fond, full of longing as he looks down at you. You’re struck with a distinct urge to kiss him, but he looks so divine in this moment that you can hardly bring yourself to move, spellbound as you admire him.

“Yeah,” he finally breathes out, “I will.”

i don’t even really have words guys 🥹 i’m literally about to weep i can’t believe it’s over

[discotenny]

Restless Reassurance

Anon Says: okay okay I love your writing style and I have this idea that’s been roaming around my head recently so I’m gonna request it. also I’ve never requested anything before so sorry if I’m doing this weirdly but ranpo and his s/o sleeping together during a storm and they’re both awake cuddling because its kinda frightening and it’s too loud to sleep even though it’s like 1am or something. sorry if I haven’t done this right lmao but yeah :)?

<Ranpo X GN!Reader> <Fluff>

The softness of your scent, the tickle of your pajamas’s fabric on his face, and the comfort of knowing you’re with him- Ranpo couldn’t wish for anything more.

You on the other hand, wished the newly raging storm outside your windows would cease. As your boyfriend slept soundly on top of your chest, you stared widely at the ceiling in fear. With every thunderous boom you cling to your sheets tighter and tighter.

Tonight was not a good night for you.

A particularly loud strike shook your apartment and your entire being- and quickly you attempted to shove yourself underneath your blanket. Unfortunately, Ranpo was caught in the crossfire and his head was roughly tossed to the side.

A light “oof” accompanied his wake and he sat up, looking around in blurred confusion. He squinted, trying to look around in the darkness of your shared room. Noticing a shaking lump in the blankets, he lightly reached out. As soon as his hand made contact with your covered back-

"AH-" You screamed, tussling out of the sheets and falling off the bed.

Ranpo sprung to confused action, peeking over the bed frame and looking at your frightened form.

“Honey? Are you okay?”

Another loud boom interrupted you before you could even reply. Ranpo could see you shake, see you hide in your own hands, see you tremble at any sound- he could see you were scared.

His eyes softened- both out of endearment and incredible tiredness. He wanted to be back in your arms and comfort- though he wanted you to feel safe as well. Using his incredible mind to weigh out possible solutions, he settled an action that would be beneficial for you both.

“You can uh- hug me if you don’t feel safe. If the storm is too loud we can cuddle!” He hoped you’d say yes- he silently begged you to say yes- he really wanted you to say yes.

At the mention of cuddles, you leaped from the floor into his open arms, tackling him onto the bed and earning another “oof” from him. Overjoyed, Ranpo hugged you tightly, ignoring the awkward position your tackle landed him in.

“Cmere, cmere I want you closerrrr-“ Ranpo pulled you in so you were flushed against him. Your bodies melded together, your head resting against his chest and his hands running up and down your back.

The softness of his touch, the tickle of his hair against your forehead, and the comfort of knowing he was with you-

Suddenly the storm didn’t seem so scary.

[bungou-stray-dingus]

Happy Birthday Kazue Dazai

Today is Kazue’s fictional birthday! Kazue is Dazai’s son from this fiction that I wrote in the beginning of the year. So, here’s a little quick scenario of Dazai and his S/O celebrating Kazue’s birthday! 

Also, yes, I am very upset that I didn’t write for Chuuya’s daughters birthday in August. :( I’ll do a little something for her soon though! 

 To think that an entire year had passed since you had given birth to your son, it both filled you with joy and sorrow. It was bittersweet, to say goodbye to counting his age by months, he was now a year old. Sure, by standards he was still just a baby, and of course, to you and Dazai he would always be your baby, but you were going through what most other mothers went through when their child hit that first year mark. You didn’t want your baby boy to grow up. 

“Y/N! My belladonna, do you know what today is!?” His excited voice startled you out of your sleep, a sleep that you had been enjoying thoroughly after the last few nights. Kazue had just gotten over a minor cold, but his stuffed nose had kept him up most of the night, and it had inevitably kept you awake too. “Shh, Dazai, please. Let me just get... five more minutes.” You mumbled, dropping your head back down onto the pillow before wrapping the ends around your ears. He chuckled lightly, but left the room, allowing the little bit of extra sleep you asked for. 

He walked into Kazue’s room, finding his son already standing up in his crib, holding onto the rails and jumping the best he could when he saw Dazai walk in the room. “Ahh, there’s my big boy! Come here.” He reached out to scoop his son out of the crib, holding him close against his chest as he peppered quick kisses upon his sons head. “Happy Birthday, my blessing.” He murmured, situating his son on his hip as he walked out of the room and into the kitchen, placing him in the highchair. 

Kazue sat in the chair, slapping his chubby hands against the plastic tray, calling out for you. “Mama is sleeping, but...” He pulled a chair out next to the high chair, placing the bowl of oatmeal on the table and giving it a few quick stirs before scooping some on the spoon and bringing it to his sons mouth. “Dada and everyone from my work has planned something amazing for your birthday!” Although Kazue couldn’t understand all that he was saying, Dazai’s tone was enough to have Kazue clapping his hands together. 

You finally emerged from your room an hour later, finding Dazai curled up on the couch with Kazue on his chest. “Where’s Kazue? Where did he go?!” Dazai playfully said, jokingly looking everywhere but down where Kazue had his face buried in Dazai’s chest. “Oh! There he is!” Dazai cheered when his son popped his head back up in Dazai’s view. The twinkling sound of your sons laughter brought the biggest smile to your face. Seeing Dazai with his son, it still shocked you that he had been so worried about being a father before. He was a pro at it, he made it seem so easy. 

“Look’s like you two are having fun.” You said, announcing your presence. Kazue’s head instantly turned to look at you, his hands outstretched in your direction. You quickly pulled him up off Dazai’s chest and hugged him to your own. “Happy Birthday, munchkin.” You murmured, hugging him tightly as he nestled his face into your neck, twirling a piece of your hair around his finger. “So what’s the plan?” 

Kunikida had picked the three of you up from your apartment. He had scheduled his entire day around Kazue’s birthday. As much as Dazai irritated him, your son had managed to bring out a softer side of Kunikida, a side that happened to both feel sorry for, and worry about the child considering the father he had. 

He pulled up outside the Agency building so the three of you could get out before he parked. Dazai carried Kazue in, his son situated on his hip while his other hand stayed wrapped around your waist. Blue and white balloons and streamers lined the walls of the cafe on the bottom floor. “Happy Birthday, Kazue-chan!” The workers all shouted, eye crinkling smiles lined all their faces as they said it. Kazue shouted back, his usual baby babbling as his tiny hands waved around the air. “Enjoy your party!” The workers said, waving to him as you and Dazai walked to the elevator. 

When the elevator made it to the top floor when the office was, Kunikida was already there waiting. He must’ve ran all the way up just to see Kazue’s reaction. “Alright, everything is on schedule. Open the door in three... two... one!” Dazai swung the door open after Kunikida’s countdown, and you were surprised to see everyone who worked at the Agency standing there. “Happy Birthday!” They all shouted in unison, blasting confetti in the air and tossing balloons up. 

Kazue’s eyes lit up at the sight of everyone and everything. The colorful streams of confetti and string falling down to the floor. It warmed your heart, knowing that he had so many people who loved him, who cared for him, who would give up their free day and spend it in the office just to celebrate your sons birthday. 

“Let’s get this party started!” Dazai cheered, grabbing Kazue from your arms and walking with him towards his employees. Party games were a must, and although Kazue wasn’t able to fully participate in most of them, everyone was still having a blast. Hot Potato was probably everyone’s favorite, every time Kazue would get handed the “potato” he would grip it against his chest, lowering his head to chew on the squishy ball. 

When the music came on, Dazai placed Kazue on his feet, playfully dancing around the room with his son. Naomi ended up wanting a chance to dance with Kazue, and when it was her turn she danced him around the entire room. His squeals of excitement as she skipped along with him around everyone was enough to make even Fukuzawa smile. 

“Cake time! Let’s not fall behind schedule!” Kunikida declared, and now it was Ranpos turn to get excited. You brought your son over to the table where pastries and other delicacies were lined, surrounding a beautiful blue cake. Ranpo was right next to you, and although he seemed the least fond of your son, he cracked a small smile and looked up to him. “I see we both have good taste in treats. Don’t mind me, I’ll just take all the ones your little teeth can’t handle.” 

A small camera was set up on a table to record everyone singing happy birthday to your son, but just as you and Dazai were leaning in to help him blow out his candles, he stuck his tiny hand into the cake, grabbing a handful before bringing it up to his mouth. “Awh, man. Keep him away from the cookies, okay.” Ranpo groaned, moving away from the table to sit back at his desk. Kenji thought it was hilarious, as did Tanizaki. “Oh I can’t wait to watch the video! He’s so cute!” Naomi exclaimed, grabbing the camera off the table and ending the recording. 

After Kazue was filled with cake, his lips dyed blue from the icing, his shirt stained, and somehow having icing in his hair, it was time for presents. He sat in Dazai’s lap on the floor as you recorded the two opening the gifts. Everyone had gotten him a great assortment of gifts. My First Doctors Kit from Yosano, A Tiny Pull String Ice Cream Truck from Ranpo, a set of Farm Animals from Kenji, a Ride Along Tiger Toy from Atsushi, A Musical Teddy Bear that played lullabies from Naomi and Tanizaki, a Baby’s First Cellphone from Kyouka, a notebook for him to use when he’s older from Kunikida, and a small plush kitten from Fukuzawa. 

Kazue ended up loving Fukuzawa’s gift the most, clinging to it dearly and snuggling it under his chin. “Fu... Fuwa...” Kazue babbled, and at first everyone thought he was trying to name it Fluffy, but what warmed your heart the most, and seemed to surprise everyone in the room was when Fukuzawa sat on the floor next to Dazai and pointed to the small plush cat. “Fuwa?” He asked your son, and he quickly shook his head no, pointing his chubby little finger at Fukuzawa and then holding out the kitten. “Fuwa!” He was trying to say Fukuzawa’s name, he had named his kitten after Fukuzawa. 

The day soon came to an end as the sun set over the city. Kazue rested his head against Dazai’s shoulder, still clinging to his Fuwa as everyone helped carry the gifts out to Kunikida’s car. The ride home was quiet, nobody wanted to wake him up as he dozed quietly in his car seat. When the three of you got home, you quickly carried him up to his room and laid him in his crib while Kunikida and Dazai brought the gifts up. 

“I think he had a great time. Don’t you?” Dazai asked, his arm wrapped around your shoulder as the two of you relaxed on the couch. It was an amazing day, and you knew Kazue had an amazing time, you could see it in the video’s you had taken from the day. “Mmhm... he’s all tuckered out...” You murmured, resting your head against Dazai’s arm, your eyes slowly drooping shut. He chuckled and slowly moved to stand up, pulling you up off the couch and into his arms. “He’s not the only one. Come on, let’s get some sleep before he wakes up.”

[little-red-beret]

Hey there! I just looked through your archive and saw your "just sayin" posts. If you're still doing them, I would like to read the very first one about Ranpo being seasick. (Honestly, I found no sickfics about him, although he's the perfect victim eating candy all the time!)

Boat parties were all the rage these days. The armed detective agency, among other organisations, all trapped on a boat together. Social networking was inescapable when one was stranded at sea. It had its perks, of course. The lavish foods were to die for. This particular party had a table running the entire length of the room, laden with appetisers and desserts, even a stacked tower of champagne glasses that Ranpo seriously doubted would survive if the waves grew any larger. The foods were to die for, but that wasn’t going to be what killed Ranpo tonight. It would be the incessant rocking of this ship.

He had slipped away from the extravagant ballroom to what he figured was the very centre of the ship, but the uneasy feeling in his stomach never subsided. Ranpo had never been fond of oceans. There was so much he would never know about them and what hid in their depths. From land, the ocean was simply alright, but being at sea, rocking over a vast abyss of swirling water, made his head spin. The eerily quiet staircase wasn’t helping.

Ranpo unsteadily lowered himself and lied across one of the plush, carpeted steps. The dim lights swam above him. He laid an arm over his face and sighed faintly as his stomach churned uneasily. He had been foolish to let Fukuzawa’s food bribery lure him onto this ship in the first place. Now he felt like the food was going to come back up.

After another half an hour of lying in the staircase, Ranpo knew he was going to be sick, and he didn’t want to suffer alone. He shakily got up and his stomach gave a warning lurch. He tenderly placed a protective hand over it and wandered back to the ballroom to find some company. His throat felt tight and his stomach was rising into his chest.

The party was in the same lively condition Ranpo had left it in. Far too much chatter filled the cavernous, velvety space. The multicoloured food and clothing was overwhelming. He became aware that his hands were shaking. A choppy, white haircut suddenly stood out in the crowd, and Ranpo made his way towards Atsushi in a nauseated daze. He had only made it halfway across the room when he was overcome with a wave of nausea. He swallowed hard against it, focusing all his energy on not being sick. That battle was lost a few seconds later.

Ranpo lurched and spat up a wave of sick all over the fancy carpet. He doubled over, clutching his stomach and coughing as the acidic taste filled his mouth. The overwhelming chatter died down instantly as everyone noticed the spectacle. Then Ranpo heard a loud crash nearby. He glanced up to see Tanizaki tipping a bucket of ice over the table and rushing to Ranpo’s side. An instant later, Yosano grabbed one of his arms, and she and Tanizaki walked him out of the room with the empty champagne bucket in front of him.

He really didn’t want to be sick into that. The idea was embarrassing, but none of his wishing could prevent the vomit that surged up his throat.

“I’m sorry—“ he croaked in between heaving.

“It’s okay.” Yosano reassured him as they rushed through the maze of hallways. When they finally found a bathroom, Ranpo gratefully hunched over the nearest toilet and belched into it, letting each cramp wrack his body until he was empty.

“Yosano, should you be in here?” Tanizaki asked nervously.

“It’s fine, I’m just here to look after Ranpo.” she shrugged, completely unfazed by the urinals against the opposite wall. Ranpo couldn’t make out much else of their conversation and didn’t care to. Yosano occasionally spoke soothing words to him and rubbed his back. Tanizaki took over from her after he admitted he was too scared to empty the soiled champagne bucket himself.

Once Ranpo was empty and miserable, Yosano cleaned him up and took him to a quiet lounge they had passed earlier on their way to the bathroom and Tanizaki returned to the main party. She turned off the lights and the two of them sat side by side on one of the couches. Thoroughly drained of energy, Ranpo was quick to lie across the couch and rest his head in Yosano’s lap. Yosano ran a hand through his hair.

“You’re not a fan of boats?” she asked conversationally.

“The sea.” Ranpo replied shortly.

“You poor thing...” Yosano murmured idly as she played with his hair. He let out a long moan in agreement. “You’ll be okay, it’s just a few more hours.”

“I’m not okay.” Ranpo pointed out, squeezing the ruffled skirt of Yosano’s cocktail dress as his stomach flipped queasily.

“I know...” Yosano hushed. “Just relax. I’ll stay here with you.”

It wasn’t much, but Ranpo would cling to Yosano’s presence as it was the only thing to distract him from the awful, dizzying sensation that threatened to send him gagging all over again. He didn’t doubt that she would stay with him until the ordeal was over, so he tucked his knees up to his chest and shifted his head, trying to figure out the comfiest part of her lap.

[dapper-ships-herself]

@dokiqx @raudrfox2

The answer changes a bit depending on the s/i, so I'm gonna start with more general and like personal and then go into my s/is.

Dazai and I both, let's say wrestle with certain feelings about life and the world around us. When it feels like you're adrift and very little matters, it helps a great deal to have someone to ground you, and that's Dazai and I for each other. When the world is cruel, we can reach out our hands and feel the warmth, and through that feel safe and real. Neither of us are used to letting ourselves be fully vulnerable to the people around us, we're always masking something, maybe not for entirely the same reasons, but we are. Our relationship is when we both let those walls fall bit by bit, letting go of fear and trepidation. He never even thought he could feel real love before, both of us had thought we weren't worthy of it.

And Dazai is a genius, he's amazing and confident in his abilities, he can see straight through pretty much anyone, so I think why would he even want me, I'm so boring and predictable, I'm not a fan of taking risks and putting myself out there. But Dazai sees all my good qualities, he appreciates my strong empathy and my compassion, he sees how even though I struggle with my own worth I put so much worth into the lives around me, and I have a fun way of thinking about a lot of things, I'm creative bright even when I think I'm not. I become like a fresh, sunny spring day for his soul. And Dazai, his hands are so stained and his mind so jaded, even as he works to redeem himself and be on the side that saves people, he thinks there's too much darkness to ever truly be washed away. But I know that even though he's done a lot of bad, what matters most is what he's doing now; he's trying so hard to be good, to move away from the darkness that only acted as a negative feedback loop for him, that was never good for a boy with a mind like his. He is actively trying to be a good man, and I remind him of that. Neither of us are ever going to be perfect, but that's fine when we're together through our flaws. And through it all, we help each other see the beautiful things to live for.

Okay, now let's go into some specifics for the s/is.

ADA! Gillian has been through some pretty deep trauma with the loss of her little sister when they were kids, and at the time she thought she'd never ever recover from that and stay in the emotionless darkness forever, but with the help of Fukuzawa and Ranpo and the other agency members, she was able to heal. Despite the guilt and trauma that still sticks to her, how easy it would be to write the world off as simply cruel and uncaring, that's not her style. She loves the world, she loves the people in it, she knows that there's darkness but that only means that the rest of them should try their hardest to spread as much love and compassion as they can to balance that out. To Dazai, her unwavering light is strange but so calming. She's so strong in her determination to protect her family and everyone and everything that needs saving, it really touches something in him. She teaches him that it's okay, that they deserve to laugh and love and live, and she helps show him how to actively view the world for it's good parts. Even if someday it's hard, some days she's sad and can't forget the past, some days she tries very hard to push away the anger that festers in her at the unfairness that abounds, she still tries and now they can stand by each other's sides and try together. And he also knows what it's like to suffer and lose the one person who's most important, and he helps her confront the guilt that still clings to her, in fact that's something mutual. And she also, even though she accepts and appreciates her ability for how it lets her help people, it's also an ability that takes away a person's free will and can cause a lot of destruction, and she is afraid of the inherent evilness of it, and though Dazai respects how she's made the concious choice to only use it to help people, he sees her fear and helps her accept it.

Mafia! Gillian and Dazai probably have the most complicated relationship of all. Neither really wanted friends or saw the use of them, but they became each other's first real friend after he joins the mafia. They connect and resonate in a much stronger and more natural way than either were really prepared for; and then they were part of the quartet with Ango and Oda too, and she loved them all. She could be quoted as saying the three of them were probably the only things keeping her sane in the Port Mafia. And then she went away on a mission for a few weeks, no contact with her friends, and suddenly that little slice of joy she had was shattered, Oda was killed, Ango had been a double agent the whole time, and Dazai had abandoned her without so much as a good bye, much less and explanation. It sent her to a dark place for a while. She wanted to hate Dazai, and she certainly felt bitter, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him; how could she, really. She disliked being in the Port Mafia, but not only does she feel she'd have no where else to go, that if she left she'd be leaving her father, Ougai, aka the only person who's ever seen to genuinely want her around and stay that way, but her ability is literally to control darkness and too much light literally causes her pain and discomfort, it's clear to her that she was born to forever stay in the world of darkness and never be able to stand in the light. When she and Dazai eventually meet again four years after he left the mafia, there's a lot of complicated feelings too work through. She's bitter and angry and can't understand why he'd leave her like that if their friendship really meant anything; Dazai thought it was the right move at the time, he justified it to himself by reasoning that he knew she felt chained to the mafia and he had to leave quickly and cleanly in order to successfully rid himself of his dark past, he couldn't risk waiting for her to come back from her mission and having to convince her. But, really, he was afraid. After all, he's convinced that everything he desires will slip through his fingers the moment he obtains it. If he tried to hold on to the happiness she brought him and selfishly took her with him, he'd only bring her ruin some other way, and he wasn't deserving of her. He genuinely does regret it though, and it's not easy for him to admit that he was wrong but he knows that this is one instance where he was so terribly wrong. They have to work through these feelings in order to get anywhere, and she also has to realize that she does have the capability to step into the light, which she does partially with Dazai's help. There's a lot of fighting through the bullshit to finally be together.

Jekyll! Gillian takes the stuff mentioned earlier about always masking some part of ourselves to the extreme. Her ability, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, literally manifests her jaded view of the world into a physical creature of chaos, aka Hyde. And she rejects Hyde hardcore, that's why she's so unstable, destructive, and difficult to control, as well as hates her in return. She puts on the sugariest of sweet faces to try and mask this darkness, but Dazai is able to see it. He recognizes her mask easily, because he's basically doing the exact same thing. Eventually, after a lot of plot haha, they're able to help each other let go of their facades a bit and better accept themselves for who they are. They find this kinship in each other that honestly makes it easier for them to let go of their guards at least a little bit. They both hold a lot of jaded darkness with themselves, and they've both done some pretty terrible things and dirtied their hands, him in the mafia and her in the Order of the Clocktower, and they were both able to break away from that to try and become better people, and that's really nice for them to be able to relate to each other.

Circus! Gillian is, true to the name of her troupe the Circus of the Disillusioned, disillusioned about much of the world. It's dirty and cruel and not on your side. But, the circus always promoted family, the whole reason Voltaire formed the troupe was to attempt to not lay there and accept their wretched fate, that they as humans should try and create at least small pockets of a world more right and colorful. And this ideal stays with her. So yeah, they're both not huge fans of the world, but she has a more innate desire to change that, and she believes it's the duty of humans to fight through and not back away from the world through means like suicide (does that make sense? Trying to word it properly). So she actually is pretty, hm, disgusted is too strong of a word to use, she clashes a lot with Dazai's suicidal jokes. And she's too tsundere and jaded herself to outright be all flowery ~I will help you~, but that sort of discussion is a theme between them early on. Their abilities are foils for each other as well, Dazai is an ability nullifier, she's an ability amplifier, and that sort of reflects their views too.

Guild! Gillian at first seems to have the most innocent view of the world, after all she's rich and spoiled by her father, Francis. And she acts rather carefree too, like someone who's always been secure and never known difficulty. But she has known pain, and there's more than a naive rich girl beneath the surface. She's cunning and knows how to read people, she's been trained in the art of business since she was a child and had it drilled into her that you must never roll over for the world. She's also been taught that she's the daughter of the great Fitzgerald, which means she's meant for greatness too, and she hides it from her father but that's left her with a desperation to prove herself and live up to a great big shadow. But she's genuinely kind too, she loves the world for it's flaws and wants to support the people in it. So yeah, they're ways of thinking clash a bit, but at the same time they work perfectly in other aspects. At first, it's more like he's interested in her for the sort of contradictions she poses, but he starts to genuinely respect her and admire how she chooses to see kindness and work for it, how she takes things in to her own hands to make the world she sees in her mind real. And she respects him for his intellect and eventually for his resolve once she learns of his past. And respect is pretty much the bud that will bloom into love.

There's a lot of fighting to find the light in the dark and acceptance of ourselves.

I hope this was all coherent and not to rambly ha.

[unrivaling]

— Dazai/Fukuzawa ♡ desperation for @bsd-rarepair-valentines-week day four.

[warning: the ending is ambiguous]

Fukuzawa’s connection to his people runs frighteningly deep. If they knew the true extent of it—well. He doubts any of them would truly run. They love the Agency too well for that. But they’d be wary, of what they did and how much he could see.

He stays out of their business. It’s theirs even if the overload of their emotions crashes against the shores of Fukuzawa’s mind. Yosano’s cold and childish anger, Kunikida’s desperate and almost painful need for perfection and routine, Tanizaki’s madness. Ranpo he knows inside out, doesn’t have to see the inside of his soul to read him like a book.

Dazai is something else entirely.

There’s no part of Dazai he can read or reach. That blithe smile and warm eyes disguise enough pain to level a small city, but the only reason he even knows how much Dazai hurts for his ability is the way he slumped in relief when he touched Fukuzawa briefly to allow him to identify and isolate the effects of No Longer Human on All Men Are Equal.

Only upon request. Dazai keeps his hands to himself otherwise, scrupulously. He allows himself to be touched and he needles Kunikida constantly, but he rarely crosses that invisible line he’s drawn around himself.

A self-made prison. Fukuzawa wants to break through those walls. But god knows what Mori has taught Dazai, and even if Dazai would like to pretend he’s unharmed and uncomplicated those bandages say otherwise.

He’ll wait for Dazai to make the first move, if it ever comes. But he knows the way Dazai’s eyes trail after him is a sign of desperate desire.

Dazai wants to be touched. The only question is whether his desire is greater than his fear.

When No Longer Human settled against Fukuzawa’s skin for the first time, it felt like being covered by a blanket of snow. A cold layer that concealed warmth. And Dazai’s eyes had gone wide for a split second, like he hadn’t expected just how large All Men Are Equal would be, like it was something he could dare to lean against.

Later he’d asked Yosano and Kunikida what they’d felt. They both shook their heads.

It only worked in a single direction, then. His control over their abilities wouldn’t go anywhere, but his ability to direct them and feel them — that was missing.

He could work with that.

For all of Dazai’s insistence on slacking off and playing pranks on Kunikida, he is oddly good at his job when he wants to be. He unhesitatingly offers to accompany Fukuzawa to a meeting with a couple of lawyers from a firm one of their clients is working against.

“I dabbled in law here and there,” Dazai says, with the sort of innocence that reeks of fraud.

Fukuzawa doesn’t call him out on it. Instead they make their way to the small restaurant where they’d agreed to meet, and Dazai sits down next to him with a careful ten inches of space, even though he has to curl in on himself to manage it. Fukuzawa wonders how Dazai would take it if he placed a hand on Dazai’s thigh.

Somewhere else in the city Kunikida is annoyed, trying to fight bureaucratic ignorance with his notebook and pen. Somewhere else in the city Yosano is smiling, watching a man she loves lose at darts.

Fukuzawa blinks, gathers himself. His control is usually better than this; something must be thinning it. “Dazai-kun?”

“Yes?” Dazai says absently. He’s staring off into space, eyes unfocused.

“Can you feel another ability user anywhere?”

Dazai closes his eyes. He’s terribly young, Fukuzawa notes suddenly. Barely nineteen, but he looks older and colder than that. “I can’t feel anything,” Dazai says finally. “But then, I usually can’t. If it’s anyone, it’s that young lady in the corner who’s been eyeing us for several minutes.”

Fukuzawa doesn’t ask why Dazai closed his eyes, then. “Something is thinning my control over my ability,” he says neutrally.

“A ploy to distract you during the meeting,” Dazai replies cheerfully. “I can help.”

“Don’t kill anyone,” Fukuzawa says automatically. He usually saves that line for Yosano.

Dazai laughs. Wiggles his fingers, out of the line of sight of the ability user. Fukuzawa thinks, oh. Okay then. He knits their fingers together, and once more feels the snowy down of No Longer Human settle over him.

He wonders, as he often does, who named Dazai’s ability. What a terrible curse to bestow on someone who wouldn’t have been more than a child at the time.

Dazai’s fingertips are scarred. He clings to Fukuzawa’s hand like a child. Like no one has ever touched him before and no one ever will again and he still believes he must not be greedy. It’s unlike the rest of the Dazai he knows. It slots in perfectly.

They expect Fukuzawa to be distracted, easily maneuvered, and Fukuzawa feigns it best as he can. And Dazai is a charming distraction when Fukuzawa needs him to be.

The meeting goes well.

Dazai’s practically skipping as they come out of it. They’re no longer touching but Dazai still looks so much lighter. “May I ask you something, Dazai-kun?”

“Of course,” Dazai says brightly.

“What does your ability feel like?” Fukuzawa asks. Hails a cab.

Dazai doesn’t answer until the doors are closing behind them. “It’s like being underwater,” he says, voice rigid and controlled. Quiet. “Or like being buried alive in a snowstorm. I can’t feel anything but cold. I can’t breathe.”

“And you can’t turn it off,” Fukuzawa notes sadly.

“No,” Dazai smiles. It’s a bad smile. “It’s not as bad when it’s being used. Even so—I can’t exactly ask people to give up power and security for this.”

Fukuzawa holds out his hand again, wordlessly. Dazai stares at it for a second and then shakes his head. “What would be the point?”

“Putting it down for a while…” Fukuzawa trails off.

“And then picking it back up,” Dazai says bitterly. “I used to ask to have it cut out of me—” stops, shakes his head, looks out of the window again. “Nevermind.”

Of all the people who should’ve been able to help, Fukuzawa was near the top. And there was still nothing he could do except touch Dazai, nothing except brief moments of relief in a lifetime of suffering.

The way Dazai had sounded when he said I used to ask to have it cut out of me—no wonder he kept trying to kill himself.

Was it even possible to carve an ability out of its user? If it had been, Fukuzawa was sure Mori would have found a way. And if even he couldn’t...then Fukuzawa doubted there was any hope for Dazai and No Longer Human.

What a deplorable thing, to ask someone to live in pain and without hope. To dangle salvation in front of their eyes and still snatch it away each time.

“Thank you for your work today,” Fukuzawa says, as they get out of the cab.

Dazai inclines his head. “Of course.”

“You were good,” Fukuzawa finishes, and hopes it’s enough while knowing it won’t be. He doesn’t know what else to say. Dazai doesn’t seem to expect him to know either.

[multi-mused-menagerie]

*◞❀.❁⤻ Dazai Osamu - Backstory and Headcanons (Part 1/2)

     Hey there ! Before I start this post, I want to get a few things out of the way ! First off, while I do headcanon/portray my Dazai as being a victim of abuse, that does not mean I will use that to try and justify or excuse his actions against other characters. Do I attempt to portray my Dazai as a sympathetic character ? In some ways, yes. However, I do want people to know that my Dazai has done some things that should not and will not be forgiven (the way he trained Akutagawa, manipulating people over and over again without showing any signs of sympathy, and whatever else comes to mind).

     Second of all, if you are sensitive to anything related to suicide, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, use of improper pronouns, drug and alcohol addictions, and murder, I’d highly advise reading this while in the right mindset or not reading it at all so that you stay safe and happy. If something triggers you in this post, just shoot me a dm and I’ll add it to the trigger list and tags !

     And lastly, if I mention a character in here that you have as a muse, please don’t feel obligated to restrict yourself to my headcanons and backstory here if we interact ! I’m always open to working something else out ! Alright, enough of me talking. Here’s the beginning of Dazai’s backstory.

BACKSTORY:

Age 14: On the night of Dazai Osamu’s 14th birthday, his parents, former Port Mafia members who defected once their son was born, catch wind that the Port Mafia has found them and is sending over a squad to kill the family. Terrified of what would happen if they were all captured, Dazai’s parents plan to have both of them and Dazai attempt to commit suicide together in an attempt to not be taken in. Although his parents succeed, Dazai is unsuccessful and is eventually found by Ogai Mori on the brink of death. Seeing the child clinging onto life and not wanting to die, Mori takes him in as his patient and helps him, only asking that Dazai help him in return. Dazai reluctantly agrees. That very same night, Mori takes Dazai with him and has the child act as a witness to the death of the former Port Mafia boss, successfully trapping Dazai in the Port Mafia and stating that this was the payment for saving Dazai’s life. This and future events eventually cause Dazai to develop the same mindset his parents had the night they took their own lives: either be free from the Port Mafia or die trying.

Age 15: Dazai continues to act as Mori’s ward and protege, learning the ins and outs of the mafia while not actually being a part of the Port Mafia himself. During this time, Mori begins administering certain drugs into Dazai to make the child build an immunity to them. While Dazai is under the influence, Mori treats Dazai as a doll, dressing the boy up and posing him. On some occasions, he even allows Elise to play with Dazai as if he were a life-sized doll, reminding her “ to be gentle with it ”. It is these events that eventually lead to the start of Dazai’s drug addiction, specifically synthetic analgesic drugs like oxycodone and morphine. Once Dazai turns 15, he’s officially accepted into the Port Mafia and is tasked with finding the King of the Sheep. The events of the Blue Era/Fifteen occur. After failing to have Chuuya be his potential friend dog due to the other boy placing himself under Kouyou, Dazai meets Odasaku, eventually growing fond of the older man and even considering him a friend.

Age 16: Life continues onward with both Dazai and Chuuya climbing up the ranks rather quickly for their age. Although they occasionally see each other and do missions together, their interactions usually end in sharp jabs, rude remarks, and the odd injury here and there. The events of the Dragon’s Head Conflict then occur. Around this time, Dazai and Oda eventually meet Ango, starting the beginning of a friendship between the three of them. On day 70 of the conflict, Chuuya goes to find Dazai so that they can go to a meeting between the higher-ups. Instead of following Chuuya and going to the meeting, Dazai instead informs Chuuya of a more pressing matter at hand: the death of an Executive known only as the ‘Colonel’ and how due to that, there is now a vacant seat in the Five Executives. After Chuuya storms away from the conversation, informing Dazai that he doesn’t care about the position and only wants to stop this war, Dazai begins formulating a plan to both end the war and secure his position as the new Executive, knowing that if he doesn’t act now, a majority of the Port Mafia would support Chuuya as the better candidate for the Executive position due to his actions, something Mori himself couldn’t ignore. Dazai then confronts Shibusawa himself, intending to kill him, but is instead caught off guard and captured, forcing him to wait to be declared missing so that his backup plan (Chuuya finding the microscope, rescuing him, and putting an end to the conflict) can commence. His backup plan then goes into action and in the aftermath, Double Black is born.

Age 17: After the Dragon Head Conflict, Dazai is finally given an Executive position and recruits the Akutagawa siblings into the Port Mafia. He is also put in joint training sessions with Chuuya by Mori, the older man planing to mold the two teens into an unbeatable weapon. While these training sessions did focus on the basics (martial arts, basic self-defense, weapons training, etc.), the majority of the time was spent using the skills they learned on each other at Mori’s request, him justifying his actions by stating that it would make them stronger and that the pain they shared together would make them better partners. Notable training sessions include Dazai torturing Chuuya for three days straight, Chuuya beating up Dazai to the point of him vomiting and falling unconscious, and Dazai waiting for a certain amount of time before using his ability on Chuuya while he was using Corruption. While the two of them have never really spoken about what went on behind closed doors, there is a certain understanding between them that those events will never be spoken about, the fear of being seen as weak or being pitied shared between them. Once Mori’s training sessions are over and done with, the man claiming that their partnership was practically perfect, Dazai and Chuuya continue to train with each other, pushing the limits of their abilities, namely Chuuya’s and how it reacted to Dazai’s. An important thing to note here is that around this time, Dazai truly begins to both fear and hate Mori with his entire being, having plans in the back of his mind the involved Mori’s death and Dazai taking his place as head of the Port Mafia. These feelings also cause Dazai to begin building up a reputation as the most deadly member of the Port Mafia so that no one would question him if he did take over, leading him to give Akutagawa Spartan-like training with his ability, becoming a specialist in torture, and drenching himself in bloodshed. This marks the beginning of Dazai becoming what one could call less than human.

Age 18: While becoming the demon prodigy, Dazai still continues to hang out and drink with Oda and Ango, considering the few interactions he has with the two of them the one bright spot in his life. Around this time, the dangers of Q’s ability are discovered and not wanting to cause another event with such a heavy death toll again, Dazai orders Q to be locked up until they have control over their ability. The events of the Dark Era then occur. One major thing to note here is that many of the actions Dazai does and the words Dazai says are lies or only partial truths. For example, while he did know that Ango was a triple spy, he is still upset at Ango’s actions and wishes things could have been different. He also doesn’t blame Ango for Oda’s death, at least, not anymore. Eventually, the knowledge that the death of Oda and the subtle manipulation of Ango from the sidelines were caused by Mori himself despite all of Dazai’s carefully laid traps and Oda’s last words push Dazai into leaving the Port Mafia for good. One day, Dazai is the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia. The next, he’s gone. From there, Dazai tracks down Santouka and requests his help in finding a job where he can help people. After being instructed to lie low for two years while his past is cleansed, Dazai then goes into hiding, waiting for the two years to pass by with nothing but alcohol and drugs to accompany him.

HEADCANONS:

The best way to describe the way Dazai acts is “ a human being acting like someone who is not human acting like a human being ”. It’s this phrase that best describes a lot of my Dazai’s actions. While he can show compassion and care towards his colleagues and close friends, he can also be brutal and downright sadistic in the same breath. While many would assume this to be evidence that Dazai is simply pretending to be human, the reality is that it has taken a lot of work for Dazai to get his act perfect. However, that doesn’t mean that he’s a good person; he may be attempting to become better now, but he still falls off the wagon and should be held accountable.

As far as my Dazai is concerned, the Doll Sessions he had with Mori are not abuse. While he does believe the training sessions he had with Chuuya were abuse, he can’t bring himself to acknowledge that the act of Mori forcing drugs into his system, dressing him up, and treating him as an object is also abuse. In fact, he never intends to bring it up. The only reason it was brought up was due to Yosano questioning him about his drug addiction and him explaining how he became dependent. So far, the only people who know about the Doll Sessions are Ranpo, Yosano, and Fukuzawa. In regards to his drug addiction, those three plus Kunikida are the only ones aware of it.

If Natsume Soseki had not stepped in during the Cannibalism Arc, Dazi would have killed Mori and taken over the Port Mafia to preserve both organizations. It’s something he’s not afraid to admit and he’s even mentioned how he will kill Mori if he needs to.

Dazai still considers Ango and Chuuya as friends. Although he doesn’t believe he can act like their friend and as a result does terrible things to them (leaving Chuuya in a forest alone after letting him use Corruption for too long and tampering with Ango’s airbag), he still considers them important and would be upset if either of them died.

Dazai isn’t sure if he should apologize to Akutagawa. As much as he knows how an apology is in order, he also knows that a lot of Akutagawa’s drive comes from wanting his approval and to be seen as strong. As silly as it sounds, Dazai is nervous of Akutagawa not remaining as deadly and powerful as he is now if he ever learned that Dazai already considers him strong enough and is sorry for how he acted. He’s also terrified that Akutagawa would do the worst thing and forgive Dazai for how he treated him. In an attempt to avoid that situation, Dazai continues to try and pair Akutagawa and Atsushi together, hoping that Atsushi will show Akutagawa that he doesn’t need Dazai’s approval so that he can one day apologize.

[hamliet]

(1)The first question that came to mind when reading your hypothesis about Naomi being an illusion was: Why would Junichiro create Naomi? One reason may be to create a source of human connection for himself. Though I would like to think of the Agency as a found family, the truth is, most of the members are emotionally distant toward each other.

(2) The second reason is to project his own wishes of self-betterment onto a separate entity. When Atsushi got kidnapped, Junichiro clearly wanted to push for a rescue mission, but seemed too timid to contradict his senpais who were reluctant to do so (Kunikida and Ranpo—I still haven’t forgiven them for that). Naomi, however, confidently announced bringing in Fukuzawa to prompt the Agency into saving Atsushi.

(3) In other words, Naomi possesses the self-assertion Junichiro wishes he had. Though I hesitate to call Naomi his ideal, since she herself is an imperfect person (I know the series frames her interactions with her brother as comedy, but to me they portray a double standard in sexual harassment).

(4) In addition, Naomi liberates Junichiro from idealistic concepts of morality and justice. Junichiro told Steinbeck he would “gladly burn this world to the ground” for Naomi, and threatened to kill the Black Lizard when they threatened his sister. In this way, he contrasts Kunikida, who according to @linkspooky, values ideals over people.

(5) However, if Naomi isn’t a real person, then what exactly is Junichiro protecting? Is the affection between them an illusion, a fantasy? What’s the difference between an ideal and a fantasy? I’m sorry, this was originally going to be an ask about the Tanizaki siblings’ parallels with Mori and Elise, but it instead turned into a ramble.—BSD Chat Anon

Hello!! I’m glad to see you back, firstly :P And I think that’s fair about the interactions. You’re also welcome to send more asks/rambles anytime! 

Interesting... well, according to that crack theory of mine, he does have a sister--it would just be Haruno. But it’s entirely possible Naomi is really his sister, maybe even likely--I just like the implications otherwise (and the removal of the incest thing lol). But if that were the case it’d be kind of tragic because he’d be focusing on an illusion to cope with the reality, yet the illusion also brings them together (Naomi is a friend to Haruno as well) and helps them both cope. 

Regardless, I think Tanizaki is protecting himself with his illusions in a lot of ways. He’s clinging to a childlike concept of a sibling relationship (regardless of whether it’s real or a replacement) and it could be keeping him from having to speak up or do the hard work that any relationship comes with. It both helps him cope and prohibits him from growing. He’s had enough build up that I just hope his focus is interesting and this would really intrigue me--his ability has so many possibilities!