#Ralphie is a spiky boi

[lieutenantbiscute]

Worry lines and patient Uncles

[wrecking-sequels]

[Wreck-It Star]

"Nine feet tall, weighs 643 pounds, with freakishly huge hands and spiky hair, saved the whole arcade once.. That Ralph?" The president of Sugar Rush sat there, on one of the square trees, dangling her legs like the innocent angel she was supposed to be.

"Yes, that Ralph." Replied the blonde warrior as she rolled her eyes. "Nah, never heard of him." That definitely wasn't an innocent angel. Cammy just raised a brow, clearly not amused, and the candy girl apparently surrendered. "Uff.. Bigfoot's not here, I'm waiting for him myself. Say, whatcya need him for, anyway?" The muscular woman mimicked a few blows in the air, as if a player was controlling her. "I like to train after-hours and Ralph's a great sparring partner, no one can take a hit like he does!"

Vanellope couldn't deny it made sense. "Sooo basically you need a punching bag, I see. Listen, he's surely at Tapper's, I'd follow ya but they're baking pies." She pointed at the building behind them. "Bring him back in one piece, 'kay?" White gave a thumbs up, and in no time she was on the exit cart thanks to one of her epic jumps. It seemed she couldn't stand still for long. "Off to find my target! See you around."

About a minute since the train disappeared into the wire for Game Central Station, Ralph's head popped out the front door of Felix' apartment. "She gone?" Vanellope sneered and glicthed her way down to the grass, hands in her kangaroo pocket as usual. "Yeah yeah, coast is clear, Captain Scaredy Pants. But now you owe me one."

It wasn't until after taking a couple more looks towards the exit of the game, that Wreck-It came out of hiding and focused on his answer. "You wouldn't make fun of me if you had a round with her." True. "Really Ralph? A beast like you is scared of some Street Fighter chick?" Countered Von Schweetz, seriously amused by all this.

"Well DUH, you have no idea what her legs can do!" Man, just the memory had his neck hurt. "Your fault, you shouldn't have-" He didn't even let her finish. "Oh no! No no no! I agreed to block her moves ONCE, and she took the liberty to unleash combos on me ever since!" Poor guy. "Eh, maybe it's Cammy's way to say I like ya big boy." Winked the candy girl, only to see in response a gigantic hand waving dismissively.

"Almost forgot, on my way here I met the folks of Dance Dance Revolution kinda begging for us to join their saturday night party yet again." She then added with a lower enthusiasm. Her interest was lost weeks prior, upon beating all possible scores. "Oh and the hedgehog says he lost the ring you signed him, wants a new one.."

"It's hysterical, maybe I liked it better when everyone avoided me." Chuckled the goliath, even tho of course he didn't mean it, no one would miss days of loneliness and rejection. There, his tiny bff showed a genuine grin. "Quit whinin. You are on top of the world like a true hero, Ralphie. "

She wasn't wrong. A lot had changed for Ralph since that fateful day of near apocalypse, four years earlier. The guy was now quite a renowned personality. He could still remember the thrill down his spine when those same eyes that had passed over him for thirty decades finally gave him a curious glance. "Don't get me wrong, I like the attention, but there's this thing called 'me time', you know?" Celebrity life..

"Ay, enough chit-chat, my dear hobo. Let's go check out that new game they plugged in!" Van interrupted. "Sorry kid, I'm not moving." Oh he didn't just say such a thing in front of her. "What?? You wanna hide from blondie until the end of time?" His answer came quick. "I told you yesterday, some of the guys from bad-anon are coming over."

"Aww come on!! I wanna see what it's like!" Her best buddy simply shrugged before heading to the courtyard where he would set the table for the meeting. "Go for it." The little girl hesitated, but after a heavy snort, she followed good old Stinkbrain. "Is that Satan guy gonna come?" Of course that was her favorite of the bunch. "It's Satèn."

[kathyprior4200]

Haven Hotel characters

 Heaven’s Princess Coercia Egnam glanced down at her long list of meeting attendants and characters that she was about to address: (her handwritten notes included)

 Princess Coerciona (2P Charlie) *Most important*

Phalla (2P Vaggie) *Hopeless romantic butterfly*

Devil Grit (2P Angel Dust) *Serious stiff spider*

Stalaro the Techno Angel (2P Alastor the Radio Demon) *Sob story sissy*

Klutzy (2P Niffty) *Lazy maid*

Core (2P Husk) *Hyper fool*

Cherubs Pub and Chub (2P Razzle and Dazzle) *My loyal guards*

Lucius (2P Lucifer) *Dad*

Lilian (2P Lilith) *Mom*

Sivart (2P Travis) *Some guy*

Sir Anguis (2P Sir Pentious) *Stuttering scaredy-snake toy maker*

Berri Blossom (2P Cherri Bomb) *Modest mundane dame*

Catie Carejoy (2P Katie Killjoy) *Soft bitch*

Ron Wrench (2P Tom Trench) *WW1 news guy*

Baker the puffer fish (2P Baxter the anglerfish) *Mad scientist fishy fish*

Jazzy (2P Mimzy) *Chubby singer lady*

Joygrand the Heaven-cat (2P Crymini the deviant hellhound) *Who the fuck are you?*

Raa the Koala angel (2P Roo the kangaroo trash Aussie demon) *Who the fuck are you?*

Iris (2P Rosie) *Day of the Dead Barbie*

Valentine (2P Valentino) *Blueberry pimp wimp*

Nil (2P Vox) *TV guy*

Ashen (2P Velvet) *Harley Doll angel*

Nestlings (2P Egg Bois) *Meh*

Nathan (2P Seviathan) *Old friend*

Elsa (2P Helsa) *Meh*

Beth (2P Bethasa) *Meh*

Fred (2P Fredrick) *Meh*

Holly (2p Molly) *Devil Grit’s spider sister*

Ragno (2P Arackniss) *Devil Grit’s spider brother*

Henry (2P Henroin) *Devil Grit’s father*

Alliv the blue tough tabby cat (2P Villa pink girly poodle) *Don’t even fucking know*

Thin Tenders (2P Fat Nuggets) *Potential snack*

Archangels (2P Archdemons)

Anti-Exorcists: White demon beings who convert angels into demons each year. Great source of entertainment.

 E.L.F. (2P I.M.P.) not to be confused with C.H.E.R.U.B. the sheep love spreaders and revivers

D.E.V.I.L. (2P C.H.E.R.U.B.) murderers, hate-spreading black rams

Docile (2P Blitzo) *Some childish leader*

Tirred (2P Moxxie) *Serious one*

Timmid (2P Millie) *Wallflower*

Sunna (2P Loona) *High pussy*

Mia and Tia (2P Tilla and Barbie Wire) *Circus twins?*

Samael *Punishing BDSM angel*

Menadel (2P Stolas) *Swan prince, Quartet’s father*

Flora (2P Stella) *Quartet’s mother*

Quartet (2P Octavia) * Swan princess, bubbly teen*

Mayberry/Juneberry (2P Mrs. Mayberry) (Former Human)

Mary (2P Martha) (Former Human)

Ralph (2P Ralphie) (Former Human)

Ollie (2P Eddie) *Brat kid*

Bio Wizz (2P Robo Fizz) *Circus conspiracy?*

Kiva (2P Verosika Mayday) *Zealot*

Woo-Hoo Land Mascot (2P Loo-Loo Land Mascot) *What a creep*

 (More to be added)

(2P Zoophobia characters)

More characters to be added

 “Alright my subjects, tell me something,” Coceria began as she filed her sharp claws with a knife in a tall leather chair framed by black wrought iron. Her black spiky crown was on her head as usual. An angelic spear rested by the throne. Below her was a large crowd seated in comfortable chairs, many of them in shades of blue and green. “How the flying fuck am I supposed to remember all your names?! I bet half of you guys are insignificant background characters. And the majority of you haven’t even been featured in the show yet!”

 “You mean the Hazbin Hotel show? About our counterparts?” asked Stalaro, holding up a white rose for Coercia. Soft classical music played from his blue microphone staff. The pansexual blue man was occasionally stealing glances at Devil Grit’s fluff.

 “That’s irrelevant right now, you sad sack of stag shit!” Coercia yelled. Stalaro’s rose wilted in his hands and the music scratched to a stop. Tears were forming in his large blue eyes and his fluffy ear tuffs were drooping. “B-but I’m talking about my show: The Hazbin Ho…”

 “Haven Hotel,” Phalla corrected.

 “Right, Haven Hotel! And there’s also that spinoff show Helluva Boss.”

 “Heavenly Boss,” Docile corrected her. The elf sat with his colleagues next to a flyer which read, “Efficient Lifesaving Fellows: We revive and keep mortals alive! Sign up today, 33% off.”

 “Whatever,”Coercia brushed them aside. “Anyway, normally I wouldn’t care much about you guys, but now that I have formed the Haven Hotel, Phalla figured it should be a good time for us to introduce ourselves. Or more precisely, me to talk to you all.”

 “A practical first start,” Devil Grit mentioned with a nod. He was a dark gray faced spider with small green dots below his eyes. His suit was black with green stripes, along with a green bow tie. “Just make sure that everyone stays at least six feet away from me. Social distancing is a safe standard, and necessary precaution.”  

 “I do love making new friends!” Phalla smiled, fluffing her long black hair with teal ends. A glowing green X was over her right eye and a teal bow was perched don her head. “Don’t you, Klutzy?”

 The small blue cyclops angel narrowed her large eye. “Friends. Oh joy.”

 “I must say, Coerce dear,” said Lucius. “I don’t really approve of your hotel and your idea. If the council finds out about your attempt to promote rule-breaking activities…”

 “Banishment to Hell? Or to my room?” Coercia asked, hands on her hips. “Not the end of the world. And my name is Princess Coerciona. I prefer my full title.”

 Core, the friendly white cat, rolled his eyes. He shuffled a few cards in his furry paws. “She’s no fun.”

 “I heard that, cat!” she called, making him flinch back a bit.

 “We raised you better than this,” Lilian added.

 “Oh really?” The black haired princess stood up and turned toward her mother. “You’d rather I be some bubbly musical loving princess who wants to spread “joy and redemption” far across the land? Ha! No. A true ruler commands fear and respect in their subjects. I’m sure Hell’s king Lucifer would agree.”

 Pub and Chub, the naked flying babies grinned in agreement while fine tuning black electric guitars in the background.

 “We do not mention that name,” Lucius began but Coercia was ignoring them again.

 “Lucifer may be a traitor to Him but at least he had guts. If His teachings weren’t so flawed, I’d still be promoting them wholeheartedly. As for my position…maybe another princess may someday take my place, but that’s not gonna happen if I manage to be princess of both realms. But now I’m here, in this lovely, shiny…fake excuse of a paradise with wackos like you. Still, someone’s gotta keep you in line.”

 Phalla giggled while Core pat a sobbing Stalaro on his blue back. He wiped his face as his monocle glinted in the sunlight under his left eye.

 “Your uncle Metatron wouldn’t approve of your attitude,” Lucius added.

 “He wouldn’t even notice, considering he’s too engrossed in his record-keeping,” countered Coercia.

 Nearby on another part of the stage, the ocean-like angels Elsa and Nathan whispered to each other.

 “I don’t understand it,” Nathan said. “Here I was, promoting goodness for everyone, but Coercia laughed at my ideas and pushed me around. And we even went to Heaven High school prom together.”

 “Lucius wanted our two families united, so we could have a higher standing,” Elsa added. “You dating the princess would’ve helped. But sadly she broke up with you and now here we are, envious.”

 “Don’t remind me,” Nathan sighed. “It’s not like I was the one abusing her and mocking her ideas. At least she didn’t run off with a sinner girlfriend to further tarnish her family reputation. Ugh…restraining societal standards affect us even here.”

 “Or maybe…she’s not much of a romantic person to begin with,” Elsa suggested.

 “Not all aromantic and asexual people are cold-hearted,” Nathan said. “She’s just one bad apple.”

 Coercia seethed at them, briefly letting out her black feathery wings and white spiked halo over her head. She spoke in a high-pitched angelic language before retreating back to her regular form.

     “I hate it when she swears,” Elsa muttered.

  Coercia turned to the crowd. “Alright, let’s begin.”

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Hello all!

Writing on the Pride Ficlets will resume at the start of this upcoming week and then posting a little after that.  However, until then, I’d thought I’d share a little project I’ve been cooking up as a way to reinvigorate my writer self.  It will be a series of 6 short scenes in the love story of Toby’s parents, Ralph and Megan.  I call it:

Ralph Domzalski’s Guide To Falling In Love With A Sorceress

(and yes, it is 100% canon to my Nana’s Troll Husband AU)

(and yes, it is inspired by a popular fandom theory)

Step 1 (of 6): Explosively Sweep Her Off Her Feet

When Ralph Domzalski was a kid, he’d wished his video games were real because life seemed like it would be so much more exciting then.

As an adult just then, he found himself wondering if dreams like that did come true and bemoaning the fact his younger self hadn’t had the foresight to wish for something more sustainable like a job with a steady income or a magic hat of unlimited food that wasn’t instant ramen cups.

Regardless, he figured, none of that really mattered since he had a literal troll for a dad and his life never quite fit into the “normal” box anyway.

But he could due without the whole “escaping for his life” video game-ness bit of his current situation.

“Are you sure you can drive this thing?!”

The Jeep careened through a turn.  Ralph grabbed onto the car door so he wouldn’t go flying out the side window.  His breath stopped in his throat when the vehicle tilted, both driver’s side wheels losing contact with the ground.  They slammed back down with a screech. Ralph almost puked.  The Jeep charged down the straight stretch of road before them.

“Look dumbass, this is your rescue mission so as far as I’m concerned I’m doing a much better job than you!” The woman driving the Jeep yelled.  “We got incoming on our tail, so be a dear, reach in the glovebox and, chuck some dvorkstones at them!”

“I’m not killing anyone!” Ralph shot back.  Save a woman from some kind of cult’s ritualistic sacrifice?  Yes.  Murder people?  That would be a hard no.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” The wheel spun in the woman’s hand.  The Jeep lurched.  “I’ve known these assholes my entire fucking life!  They wouldn’t hesitate in turning me into some kind of ancient demon sorceress, so—”

Ralph stopped listening.  Evil or no, he couldn’t just kill someone.  It went against everything he believed in.  He knew they were in a dire situation, but there had to be another way.  If he could just get these guys to give up the chase...?

He reached in the glovebox.  Grabbed a dvorkstone.  Shook it.  Chucked it at the road behind them.

Ralph heard the screech of the pursuing cars’ breaks.  Saw the people in them jump into the underbrush at the side of the road.  He too ducked as chunks of pavement and car metal went flying when the dvorkstone activated.  Ok, blowing up the road?  Not the greatest plan.  But at least they’d had the chance to survive, right?

Ralph turned forward.  “There!  Are you ha—CLIFF!!!” He grabbed onto the dashboard as if that would save him from the long drop before them.  He squeezed his eyes shut as they hurtled over the edge.  His stomach jumping up in his throat.  Then lurched back in it’s proper place as their plummet jerked to a halt.  Ralph cracked an eye open.  The Jeep hovered over waves crashing into some terribly spiky-looking outcroppings.  He gulped.

“Hell yeah!” The woman pumped the air with her fist.  “Sorry Gramps, Paladins of the Pale Lady, but you suckers failed!  I’m 100% still myself!  But wait, what’s this?  I managed to score AWESOME MAGIC POWERS from you failed little ritual anyway?  Eat it, suckers!”  She yelled to the top of the cliff.

The jeep shuddered at her distraction.

“Maybe wait to gloat until we’re not hovering over rocks that can kill us?” Ralph snapped.  “I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer not to die in the ocean today.”

“Oh, fine”.  The woman groaned, righting the Jeep with a wave of her hand.  “But you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.   All my life they’ve told me I’m nothing but I future vessel for her grand, magnificence, the “Pale Lady”.  Did they ever ask what I wanted to be or do with my life?”  She snorted.  “Fuck No!”  Paused.  “Well, except for my great-aunt and look what that got her.”  The woman sighed.  “Anyway, thanks for the save back there, you’re not so bad for a guy who crashes a secret cult’s ceremony.”  With another wave of her hand, she got the Jeep to fly forward over the ocean.

Ralph slowly relaxed back in his seat. “You’re welcome.  I didn’t exactly expect anyone to actually be at an ancient troll site.  But I’m always happy to help out someone in need.”

The woman glanced at him.  “So you knew what that place was, huh?  And here I assumed you were some severely lost tourist.”

“Tourist, yes. Of a kind.”  Ralph shrugged.  “Dad’s a troll so I figured I’d travel around, see the sights of the troll world before settling down to some boring desk job or something back home.”

“Troll dad? That sounds like an interesting story you got there.”

“Not as interesting as runaway sorceress from an evil cult.”

“Yeah well we’ll probably have time for both considering there’s nothing but ocean as far as I can see.”  The woman gestured to their surroundings.  The cliff growing smaller behind them.  “You got a clue where we are? I’m kinda hoping we wash up on the shores of France.  I always wanted to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower.”

“No, not really.”  Ralph shrugged.  “I used a gyre to travel from home.”  He paused.  “But definitely somewhere with a lot of water.”

The woman rolled her eyes.  “Don’t tell me.  I’m stuck in a floating car with someone who has a godawful sense of humor.”

“Hey, I’d prefer not to be stuck with someone who has what my mother would call a “potty mouth”, yet here I am.”  Ralph retorted.

“Oh, so you’re a mama’s boy now?”  The woman laughed.  “Merlin’s beard, I have horrible luck.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew my mother.”  Ralph smirked.  “You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if she showed up right now, via some magic method or another, just to give you a lecture.”  He paused for dramatic effect.  “And then try to feed you her horrible, horrible pies.  Seriously, though.  If you ever do meet her, don’t eat her pies.  It will offend her, sure, but it will save your stomach from a truly disastrous fate.”

“Noted.”  The woman grinned at him.  “Oh, and, just so you know, I’m Megan.  Megan the Magician now, I suppose, fits.”

“Nice to meet you, Megan.”  Ralph held out his hand.  “I’m Ralph.  Ralph Domzalski, but all my friends call me “Ralphie, their shining knight in armor who’s so heroic and spectacular and—”

“Yeah I’m just going to call you Ralphie-Piekins.”

“Please don’t.”

“You were the one to bring up the cutesy names, mister.”  Megan stuck out her tongue at him.  “Don’t open the can if you don’t want to know what’s inside.”

“Well then, I’ll just call you Megan-bacon-fakin, um…”

“That’s the best you can do?  So sad.  I suppose I should let you off the hook.”  Megan sighed dramatically.  “So tell me, Ralph, as we head to wherever we’re going, how does one end up being a half-troll?”

[lieutenantbiscute]

So Ralphie is gonna get taller then his dad. It’s inevitable, so I present to you he figures out he’s taller then his dad the same way my friend figured out he was taller then me when we were younger

Walk past, stop dead, take several steps backwards and just realize. He had the smuggest look on his face coz I teased him a lil but I think Raph would just be a bit dumbfounded. He’s gotta look up at his baby boy now. Sorry Raph thems the rules

It totally hits Raph one day that he can look at his spiky son eye to eye now and that he isn’t a small little ball of leather and shell any more.

Leon and Little M definitely dare Ralphie to pick up dad when he’s not looking just to freak him out a bit, which is a challenge since their father and uncles are master ninja at this point.

Ralphie ends up missing and getting sidestepped so often that the dare now becomes a goal he want to reach. Sensei Leo is a-ok with the idea as long as no one gets hurt.

“A ninjas best weapon is his stealth. This is a learning opportunity for Ralphie to hone his skills against a master.”

[lieutenantbiscute]

So I’ve been thinking about it a while and the rise boys are gonna be different then they are in the show. Like splinter was hella depressed and that affected how the kids grew up

Like Raph was the oldest and had to play parent when dad couldn’t

Leo didn’t get enough attention or praise so he started doing it himself making him look full of himself

Donnie also didn’t get enough attention causing him to seek it out wherever he could sometimes ignoring red flags

Mikey had to be the family therapist to take care of his brothers mental health because no one else could

But being raised by the 12 boys? They’d be better off. Even just a little bit. I think some stuff would still shine through but maybe for different reasons. In Japanese culture who is the oldest sibling means a lot. Splinter raised Leo like that and I think wether he means to or not he’s gonna treat Ralphie the same way (Raph doesn’t want to do that to him coz he saw what a toll it took on Leo) which means Ralphies not gonna go savage mode when he’s alone or have as bad separation anxiety

Leon and Danny are going to get enough attention and praise here meaning Leon for sure is gonna seem less full of himself maybe even have less self esteem issues. Danny is way less likely to ignore red flags because an adult showed some interest in him

And Mikey might still have dr delicate touch but I feel like that would come about more as being the youngest and needing a tough personality to clash with his brothers

Tho of course spending that time with Draxum is defo gonna leave it’s mark on the kids (but that’s another ask)

The boys are definitely better off in the au!

A fun Idea that kinda came from this was Ralphie and Leon sharing the leader role once Sensei Leo makes the call. Ralphie as eldest HAS been carrying the burden of leader for a while so Leo decides the have him split leadership with Leon early on.

This leads to a bit of tension between Ralphie and Leon early on but the two talk it out, and talk with Leo about it. Leo knows the burden of Eldest Son so he wants to lessen it by splitting it up between two.

Few years down the line Leon and Ralphie and full functioning leaders of the younger Hamato’s. Hell even sometimes they let Danny and Mikey call the shots to have them get a feel for leadership!

With Danny and Leon both definitely get all the attention they wanted when they were younger (my Mona and Uncle Mikey respectively) so if anything they reallly lean into the theater kid aspect but without the need for attention nor constant validation. They know how good they are.

They do still have huge egos though because of it. But recognize much more obvious red flags now.

Mikey not having to use Dr. Delicate touch as often leads to the persona being left at its early stages of Mikey being is say emotionally sensitive to those around him? Like he can read a room in an instant and can read people better. Just because the boys weren’t raised by Rise splint doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen PTSD episodes and the like.

Very much a person who still tries to help everyone emotionally.

Ralphie definitely has more confidence in his brothers, though he still haggles a bit about Little Mikey going out on a mission alone. Who knows his brothers can handle themselves pretty well in a fight, Leon and his silver tongue, Danny and his use of brain games and Mikey with his mastery of ‘Ninja Vanish’.

They can work well on their own and greater when together. Ralphie definitely heads a more ‘bad cop’ vibes to Leon’s ‘suave-cop’, which he uses to his advantage with his size and appearance.

His still a softhearted turtle under that spiky shell, and yes sometimes he doesn’t like being seen as the scary one but it has its advantages! Especially when you’re well trained in a fight.