#ralph domzalski

[eurazba]

I curse @thosetrollkids for making my think about the Grandpa Douxie au, have a silly comic from the first time Merlin sees Ralph

[yellowmagicalgirl]

AU where Coranda or Fialkov was in an arranged marriage with a minor noble from the capitol of the Akiridion empire, Akiridion Prime. However, she ran away to escape the marriage, leaving Coranda and Fialkov to happily marry, have two kids, and then get taken over by a coup when Aja and Krel are adolescents.

That minor noble ran away to Earth, and she ended up marrying a human man named Ralph Domzalski and having a child with him. They go on a cruise when Toby is three, and Ralph dies. The minor noble had an experimental device that she was able to use to preserve her core.

Thirteen years later, the Mothership identifies Toby as half-Akiridion. Zadra sends the information to Toby’s maternal grandparents in exchange for forces to help fight off Morando. They comply, thankful to learn the truth about their daughter, but they want the power alliance. Thus, they pressure Toby to enter an engagement with one of the Tarron siblings.

(If someone were to write this, this could just as easily be Toby/Aja or Toby/Krel as it could be Toby, the Tarron kids, and Toby’s found and resurrected mom all telling Toby’s maternal grandparents to fuck off.)

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

For the fic ask, could you do Ralph Domzalski's Guide to Dating a Sorceress?

I’m not sure if I shared this before, but Megan didn’t technically die.  She was dragged into the Shadow Realm, where she’s been ever since.

Although, she (or someone who once was her) has managed to communicate with the Janus Order and started planning on how to get out.

Wait, hang on, I think I have a scene I never shared from the following cruise ship story...

.

Ralph entered the bar and marched over to the person he was looking for.  “What do you want?”

“This thing you have going with Barbara.  It’s cute.”  James Lake downed his drink in one go.

“If you think for one second, I’m just going to let you waltz in and ruin everything she’s—”

“Shut up and stop the righteous crap.”  James motioned for the bartender to refill his drink.  When the bartender left, he continued, “That’s not why I’m here.  Look, Barb was fun and all, but I’ve got a job to do.”  He looked up at Ralph.  “Your wife sent me.”

“My wife is dead.”  Ralph clenched his hands into fists.

James smirked.  “It’s adorable how she loves you when you’re this dense.”  He took a swig of his drink.  Smacked his lips.  “Nope, your wife is very much alive.  Stuck in the shadow realm sure, but alive.  And you can help get her out.”

“I don’t believe you.”  Ralph snapped.  “Megan would never trust—”

“She doesn’t exactly have a choice.  She’s the closest to the Pale Lady there is.  Since we changelings are forever pledged in to serve Our Lady, we sort of ended up together.”  James laughed.  “Funny how that worked out, isn’t it?  You’re here with my wife and I’m—”

Ralph growled.  “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

“Fine, fine be a killjoy.  It doesn’t matter to me.”  James took a parcel out of his pocket and put it down between them.  “Take this.”

“What is it?”  Ralph didn’t touch the parcel.

James glared at him.  “Do you want to save your wife from rotting away in cold, dark agony or not?”

Ralph glanced at the parcel, then back at James.  “What is it?  I won’t ask again.”

“Like I said, your wife is alive.”  James paused to drink.  “Buuuuut she doesn’t have a body.  That’s gone.  Otherwise she’d be back here in your loving arms already or something.  All she needs is a new one, a vessel.  Preferably one with magical abilities.”  He stopped to give Ralph an exasperated look.  “Can you connect the dots from here or do I really have to spell it out for you?”  When Ralph didn’t respond, he groaned.  “Fine.  That.”  He pointed to the parcel.  “Is a necklace.  It has, shall we say, a few special properties.  All you have to do is get a special someone to wear it and presto!  Your wife’s back!  Different body, sure, but hey she’s back.”  James stood.  “I think you can figure the rest out from here.”  He patted Ralph on the shoulder twice, and then walked off.

Ralph stared at the parcel sitting on the bar for the longest minute before picking it up, slipping it in his pocket, and leaving.

When he got back, Barbara stopped her pacing immediately and looked to him.  “Was he there?  Was James there?”  Worry saturated her voice.

“N-No.”  Ralph’s hand clenched around the parcel in his pocket.  “No one was there.  We’re safe.  You’re safe.”

[rosemaidenvixen]

Both Flipping the Script AND Both Sides of the Sky for 2 truths/a lie bc I like them both a lot and couldn’t decide

Twofer, awesome! Let’s do this

Flipping the Script:

1. Jim isn’t Barbara’s biological son, she faked a pregnancy and bought Jim off the black market when he was a baby and has been passing him off as her own for sixteen years.

2. Down the line Colonel Kubritz is able to sneak into Trollmarket.

3. Nancy Domzalski is an alien that fled to earth while pregnant, she gave birth to Ralph, her fully alien son 35 years ago, making Toby half human half alien.

And for Both sides of the Sky:

1. Jim is half human half fae.

2. Barbara died before the story started.

3. Bular roams the woods and kills people on a regular basis.

[krelboom]

Harry Potter AU

Jim is a Hufflepuff, a HUFFLEPUFF

And try telling me he doesn’t break into the kitchens to keep the house elves company and to help with the cooking

Barbara is a witch but also got a muggle medical degree because as a muggleborn she appreciates SCIENCE

Also she was a Gryffindor

Jim grew up in a both very muggle and wizard household like he masterd a WiFi boosting spell

Toby is a Gryffindor and had a very similar reaction to Neville when he was sorted

Nana Domzalski is a muggle but Ralph was a wizard so Toby grew up hearing stories about Wizards and Witches

If this ends up with an actual plot Ralph and Mrs Domzalski were killed in a wizarding war

Claire is Ravenclaw from a pureblood family

They aren’t like purists but Ophelia is the minister of magic so she’s quite uptight about image

Nuñez are Ravenclaws the same way Malfoys are Slytherins and Weasleys Gryffindor

Like their attitude towards muggles is they are fine but we’re SO MUCH BETTER

So Claire loving muggle culture (music, clothing,etc) so that create tension between the family

[infographicisminetocommand]

"I'm Toby Domzalski, son of Ralph. I live with my Nana."

[magic-and-moonlit-wings]

Chapter 38: Hard To Say

Becoming the Mask

Possible content warnings for this chapter: alcohol is consumed, Barbara questions her worth as a parent, and Jim discusses his 'contingency plans' to cover up if a human friend dies under troll-related circumstances.

Nancy had offered Barbara hot chocolate when her neighbour appeared on her doorstep, and Barbara hesitated only a moment before accepting. She refused to spend the rest of her life questioning the motives and methods of anyone offering her something to drink.

"Jim's been … He's involved in something confusing and dangerous," she confessed to the woman who had been housing him for the past week. "He finally told me what's going on, and I … I didn't handle it well. He's a troll, Nana."

Nancy gasped. "That's so sad! That's one of those internet bullies, isn't it? And Jimmy always seemed like such a nice boy."

"Not an internet troll, a real troll."

Nancy put her mug down and put her hands over Barbara's. When she spoke, it was in the carefully non-judgemental voice she'd used when asking whether Barbara and James were temporarily separated or if Barbara planned to divorce him.

"Barbara, dear … Are you on the drugs?"

"No, Nana, he showed me. Jim turned into this blue – creature, with tusks and horns and stone skin, and admitted to how he replaced the original Jim when he was just a tiny baby. He's not the only one – one of his teachers, and a woman I know from krav maga, they're trolls too. And there are other trolls, who can't make themselves look human, and, and it's not entirely clear in my head, but Jim's been helping them, and fighting them."

"And you're sure he wasn't just telling you about a video game."

"I saw him shapeshift."

"But those costumes nowadays are very realistic. My Toby's been learning to speak troll for some game or other. That might be the same one Jim was telling you about."

Nancy shook her head, smiling.

"All these invented languages nowadays. It seems like every book or show or game has one. Reminds me of how Monique and Betsy used to argue about whether we should take club notes in Vulcan or Klingon. Did I ever tell you about the time we met Leonard Nimoy?"

Nancy spent the next hour or so giving Barbara an audio tour of her memories. Barbara decided this was the best response she could hope for. She'd wanted, desperately, to talk this out with another human being, but without any evidence to present, trolls did sound as made up as any Star Trek species.

"Toby and Jim are out awfully late tonight," Barbara noted several anecdotes later, peering out the dark windows.

"It's not a school night." Nancy produced a bottle of sherry. "Let them have their fun."

Barbara would never entirely remember how they ended up baking cookies. Nancy might have suggested it as a way to pass the time, or Barbara might have been bemoaning her lack of cooking and baking skills, or maybe they'd just wanted cookies and realized the Domzalskis were out of them.

"If my Ralph had come back from that cruise," said Nancy, seemingly apropos of nothing as she put the first bowl of dough into the fridge to chill, "and I found out sixteen years later he wasn't really my Ralph, I don't know how I'd feel. But if he'd been raising Toby-Pie, then to Toby, that Ralph would be his father, and I have to assume he'd see Toby as his son."

Barbara cracked an egg too forcefully, getting shell fragments in the bowl and under her fingernails, and getting egg white on the counter.

"I know how I feel. I'm angry, and guilty, and sad. I should've noticed something was off right from the start. What kind of mother doesn't notice when her baby gets switched for a different one? What kind of mother never realizes her son's been sneaking out and putting himself in danger? What kind of –?"

Her voice cracked like the eggshell had.

"What kind of mother can't think of any kind of solution to a fight with her child besides throwing him out of the house while she tries to get her head together?"

Of course she was still angry at Jim, for the lies and the sleeping potions; and at James, who was as guilty as she was in failing to notice Jim and Jay-Jay were different people; and more abstractly at trolls and Changelings as a whole; but Barbara was so, so angry at herself.

Nancy took the bowl away and pressed a fresh mug of hot chocolate into Barbara's hands, generously spiked with sherry.

They'd been drinking it out of wine glasses, but it was good mixed into hot drinks as well. Between them they'd finished off the bottle (already two-thirds empty when they started) and baked several different types of cookie by the time Jim and Toby finally returned.

What did you say to a kid a week after kicking them out? Get your stuff, we're going home?

He's technically not a kid, a small part of Barbara reminded the rest of her, which wasn't actually helpful in deciding what to say and was therefore dismissed.

Jim gulped down a cookie. "Hi."

Barbara got up, nearly tripped over the cat which had been underfoot all night, crossed the kitchen, and hugged him.

I'm sorry. I've missed you. I still don't know what to say or do and I'm confused and scared but I want things to be better between you and me and I don't want you to feel like I'm punishing you for finally being honest even though I'm still angry about some of the things I learned.

She was not drunk. She'd been snacking, and sherry was … actually she wasn't sure how strong sherry was, but she was pretty sure she was not drunk. She was probably tipsy, but she was sober enough to know she should be careful about what she said, especially in case Jim mistakenly assumed she was drunk.

Jim made a soft, squeaky noise, perhaps a whine, and hugged her back.

"There's nothing in the oven right now," said Nancy. "We'll give you two a moment." She chivvied Toby out of the kitchen.

"I'm so sorry, Jim," said Barbara. "I should've … I'm the grown-up here. I should have figured out a way to deal with my feelings without … I made a commitment, a promise, to raise and take care of you, and I went back on that."

"You promised Jay-Jay," he corrected, muffled by her shirt. "You didn't know about me."

"You're the one I told, 'we just have to take care of each other'."

"And I shouldn't have used spindle gloss on you. Or at least not kept doing it after I changed sides."

Right, he'd been working for the eventual downfall of humanity when he'd first replaced her biological son. It was such an absurd concept, so far out of Barbara's range of experience, that it was hard to imagine, especially with Jim clinging to her and sounding like he was about to cry any second.

"I'll show you Jay-Jay any time you want," he said. "I've been experimenting with my phone. I can take photos and videos and send them to you. You'll always know where he is and how he's doing. I'll help you learn to cook so you don't have to worry about what I might be putting in the food. I, I don't know what else I can offer to help you feel safe with me. But if there's anything, just tell me. Please."

"Oh, Jim … sweetie …" Barbara blinked back tears. "You don't … Okay, we are going to have to rebuild some trust here, but it goes both ways. I don't want you to be scared of me either. I never should've told you to leave home."

They cried on each other in the neighbours' kitchen until Toby came back in.

"Jimbo? Hate to spring yet another thing on you, but Dr L told Nana about trolls. Nana still thinks it's a video game, so it's mostly contained, but I thought I should give you the heads up."

Jim groaned. Barbara was about to apologize again, but he said, "I get it. I saw this coming when I saw you here." The Lakes untangled themselves. "Tobes, if she thinks it's a video game, let her think that for now."

"If Toby's involved, she has a right to know it's real," Barbara countered.

"But to avoid the Changelings who haven't changed sides coming to kill us all to plug the leak," said Jim, "it's better to leave her with an innocent explanation."

"And what are you going to tell her if Toby doesn't come home someday?"

"Skip town, hack his phone, and text her that we ran away to LA to start a rock band," said Jim promptly. "My pre-cellphone plan was to fake his handwriting and send postcards, and before we turned ten I was going to say we were searching for his parents and James Senior."

"Wait, if I died, you were planning to leave Arcadia forever?" said Toby.

"No, no, just a few years, and then come back and claim we got separated and I didn't know what happened to you."

"Jim, that's horrible!" said Barbara.

"It's only if he dies in circumstances that don't allow a mundane cover-up!" Jim insisted, as though that made it better. "If I could just make it look like a hit-and-run car accident or an animal attack, of course I'd go with that instead and let Nana have closure."

"Do I want to know your plans for …" Toby looked from Jim to Barbara warily. "Anyone else we know?"

"Initially, it was just 'deny everything', because we weren't seen together in public often enough for anyone to think to connect me to their disappearance. Now I don't know. The rock band cover could still work."

Barbara narrowed her eyes.

"Who else is involved in this?" she asked.

Jim, still off-kilter (part of Barbara was ashamed for pushing him like this while knowing he was desperate to regain her favour), broke first.

"Some girls we know from school. I got careless and they and Toby followed me into Trollmarket."

"And I'm guessing their families don't know."

"One has a Changeling brother who knows she knows and vice-versa?" Jim offered, attempting a grin.

Barbara sighed heavily.

"It's …" she glanced at the clock on the oven, "four in the morning. We aren't going to wake everyone up now to tell them their children are fighting trolls. But you will tell me who they are and we will be telling their families."

"And," said Toby, "since it's a bit late to be packing and hauling bags across the street, how about you both stay here and you can sort out the move back tomorrow – or, later today."

Jim froze up, but Barbara nodded.

"Good idea, Toby."

Jim gasped and looked at her, wide-eyed, and then hugged his mother again.

Previous Chapter (Blinky tells Jim where baby trolls come from)

Table of Contents 

Next Chapter (How and why Angor Rot is introduced to the plot)

Star Trek is 53 years old according to Google (first airing in 1966), so Nana's probably old enough to be one of the original Trekkies.

[whileiamdying]

Nov. 16, 2018 | Bob Boilen -- The group is new, but all of the members of boygenius — Julien Baker, Lucy Dacus and Phoebe Bridgers — are Tiny Desk Concert alumae. In fact, Julien has been behind my desk twice before. So when the usual nerve-racking session was over and I shouted out, "So, is it any easier the second or third time?" I had to laugh when I got a resounding "No!" from all of them. The notion of playing in broad daylight, in an office, without having your voice coming out of a PA and with an audience close enough to touch is not only intensely intimate but also intimidating. That's not only true to these three, newly collaborating, under-25-year-olds. It was also true of, say, Ralph Stanley (who was older than their ages combined) when he sang a cappella behind my desk. But what came through as these three heartfelt singers performed was the strength of their songs. My first attraction to each of them as artists was the songwriting. In fact, the title track to Julien Baker's first album, Sprained Ankle, is what got me to a show of hers early in 2016, which introduced me to the opening act, Lucy Dacus. (You can hear them tell their tale on an upcoming All Songs Considered.) Boygenius only has six total tunes, all from their just-released, self-titled EP, and here they perform half of that catalog. What you get at the Tiny Desk is a frailer version of these more fleshed-out songs from a band that is likely quite temporary. For their closing tune at the Tiny Desk, "Ketchum, ID," Julien, Phoebe and Lucy each take a verse. Lucy's verse ends the song with the line, "Let's dissolve the band, move to Idaho." And the chorus to the song, in stunning harmony, echoes the mileage of the lifestyle, how they live and how they met: "I am never anywhere / Anywhere I go / When I'm home I'm never there / Long enough to know." This trio is a special gift to us all in 2018. Set List "Souvenir" "Me & My Dog" "Ketchum, ID" Credits Producers: Bob Boilen, Morgan Noelle Smith; Creative Director: Bob Boilen; Audio Engineer: Josh Rogosin; Videographers: Morgan Noelle Smith, Kaylee Domzalski, Beck Harlan; Editor: Kaylee Domzalski; Production Assistant: Brie Martin; Photo: Cameron Pollack/NPR

[eurazba]

These sketches are all getting their own place ‘cause they’re all for the same au

Douxie, Nancy, & Ralph from the Grandpa Douxie au

[eurazba]

Fun headcanons aside for Toby’s parentage, here’s a kind of boring human interpretation of Toby’s parents might look like. I might still fiddle with their designs and colors

Ralph and [redacted]

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Jim in Nana’s Troll Husband AU

@inna-thetempestuousstream​ replied to the post:

Don’t want to be rude, but the Domzalskis weren’t good at protecting/taking care of Jim, were they?

I don’t think this reply is rude at all, and yeah pretty much.  Also sorry it took me a couple days to give you a response.

(I hope you don’t mind this got long.  I have a lot of backstory thought-out for Jim in my nana’s troll husband au that’s never really gone anywhere but I really want to share it)

The Domzalskis did genuinely care for Jim.  They tried their best, but that didn’t end up being enough.

In a nutshell, both James and *Barbara died on a cruise ship (or roughly around that time - when Jim & Toby were 5).

(*there’s at least three different versions of Barbara’s fate in the au and I haven’t chosen an “official” one so she may not be completely dead, but it’s safe to say she’s out of the picture.)

Jim sort of has understanding that James was a bad guy, but instead of Barbara, most his information on his father has come from Ralph or Nana & Vraxel.  Since Jim is also aware that they are a part of troll society and troll society doesn’t exactly like changelings, there’s a seed of doubt in his mind about everything they tell him about James.

So, less “my dad was a horrible guy who walked out on me and my mom” and more “my dad was a bad guy who left (but that could have been due to pressure from the troll across the street) and I’m fairly certain he was a bad guy (but my only source of info are people who are a part of a society that would call him “impure” so can I really trust what they say about him?).

Add to that the fact that as he grows up, Jim’s changeling heritage becomes more pronounced and the Domzalskis response is to hide it (so Jim can continue to interact with human society) while also, to an extent, celebrating Toby’s mastering of such things as using troll weapons/forging, which accidentally creates the double standard of “troll=good; changeling=bad”

and they wind up in a situation where the Domzalskis genuinely care about Jim, but the messages they inadvertently send him are extremely negative about his very identity.

(For the record, Ralph, Nana, and Vraxel aren’t overtly prejudiced against changelings.  They accept that part of Jim and love him.  But they also don’t realize all the micro aggressions they’ve learned from troll society or realize that those little things have a massive effect on Jim.  If they had awareness of what they’re doing, they’d stop, but they don’t.)

Long story short, they unintentionally keep pushing Jim away.  To the point where it becomes very easy for Strickler (an already trusted adult as Jim’s history teacher) to walk in and tell him, everything they’ve ever told you about our kind is wrong.  Join me and learn the truth.  Your heritage is greater than you ever could have imagined.  They don’t really love you.  If they did, they would have figured out x, y, or thing hurts you by now.  They just feel guilty about your mother.  But my brethren and I, we understand you.

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Backup Babysitter

I have no regrets I have all the regrets

“Bedtime is nine.  Don’t let them have too many of the cookies or they’ll be up all night.  Telling them a story when you put them to bed is nonnegotiable.  They like stories you make up better than the ones in the books.”  Morgana paused.  “Oh, and remember, if absolutely anything happens to them, you will know my wrath.  Am I understood?”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Your tone says otherwise, my champion.”  Morgana’s eyes narrowed.  A barely visible aura of golden-yellow magic flared around her.  “What problem is there?”

“None, my lady.”  Angor Rot answered.  “But when you woke me, I did not think it would be to watch over whelps.  The Trollhunter is in this human city.  I—”

Morgana stopped him with a glare.  “Watch your tone.  One of those whelps is my blood son and the other is the offspring of one of my changelings and therefore kin of mine.  You will watch over them and care for them for the duration of the evening.”  Her expression softened.  She held up her right hand, with the Inferna Copula on its index finger.  “Complete this task successfully and I will return to you what you most desire.”

Angor Rot’s eyes fixated on the ring a long moment before returning to Morgana.  “Very well.”

“Good.  Oh and they need to eat all their vegetables or they don’t get dessert.”  Morgana leaned around Angor Rot to give both her son and his best friend knowing Looks as she spoke.  “Am I clear?”  She spoke to them.

“Yes, mom.”

“Yes, Mrs. Domzalski.”

Toby and Jim chorused.

“Good.”  Morgana waved to them.  “We’ll see you boys in a couple hours.”

In the car, Ralph was still irritable with her.  “I can’t believe you thought a good backup babysitter would be an ancient assassin.”

Morgana tried not to huff irritably.  She’d agreed to free Angor Rot because he wished it, how much more did he need?  Not that Morgana really liked her human husband.  Of course not.  She was just using him.  But still, she preferred it when he wasn’t mad at her.  For some reason.

“Oh, come on, Ralph.  As long as she has the ring, they’ll be fine.”  Barbara piped up from her position in the back seat polishing a massive, extremely sharp battle axe.  “Now, you promised we’d be hunting down James.”

“And we are.”  Morgana smirked.  Really this couldn’t have worked out better than if she’d perchance ordered James to leave herself.  Not that she had or anything.  A little sprinkling of vengeance and Barbara was turning into quite the acolyte.  “Dear?”  Morgana turned to Ralph and raised her eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, yeah.”  Ralph started the car.  “but if one of them wants to become an assassin after this, I’m blaming you two.”

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Hello all!

Writing on the Pride Ficlets will resume at the start of this upcoming week and then posting a little after that.  However, until then, I’d thought I’d share a little project I’ve been cooking up as a way to reinvigorate my writer self.  It will be a series of 6 short scenes in the love story of Toby’s parents, Ralph and Megan.  I call it:

Ralph Domzalski’s Guide To Falling In Love With A Sorceress

(and yes, it is 100% canon to my Nana’s Troll Husband AU)

(and yes, it is inspired by a popular fandom theory)

Step 1 (of 6): Explosively Sweep Her Off Her Feet

When Ralph Domzalski was a kid, he’d wished his video games were real because life seemed like it would be so much more exciting then.

As an adult just then, he found himself wondering if dreams like that did come true and bemoaning the fact his younger self hadn’t had the foresight to wish for something more sustainable like a job with a steady income or a magic hat of unlimited food that wasn’t instant ramen cups.

Regardless, he figured, none of that really mattered since he had a literal troll for a dad and his life never quite fit into the “normal” box anyway.

But he could due without the whole “escaping for his life” video game-ness bit of his current situation.

“Are you sure you can drive this thing?!”

The Jeep careened through a turn.  Ralph grabbed onto the car door so he wouldn’t go flying out the side window.  His breath stopped in his throat when the vehicle tilted, both driver’s side wheels losing contact with the ground.  They slammed back down with a screech. Ralph almost puked.  The Jeep charged down the straight stretch of road before them.

“Look dumbass, this is your rescue mission so as far as I’m concerned I’m doing a much better job than you!” The woman driving the Jeep yelled.  “We got incoming on our tail, so be a dear, reach in the glovebox and, chuck some dvorkstones at them!”

“I’m not killing anyone!” Ralph shot back.  Save a woman from some kind of cult’s ritualistic sacrifice?  Yes.  Murder people?  That would be a hard no.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” The wheel spun in the woman’s hand.  The Jeep lurched.  “I’ve known these assholes my entire fucking life!  They wouldn’t hesitate in turning me into some kind of ancient demon sorceress, so—”

Ralph stopped listening.  Evil or no, he couldn’t just kill someone.  It went against everything he believed in.  He knew they were in a dire situation, but there had to be another way.  If he could just get these guys to give up the chase...?

He reached in the glovebox.  Grabbed a dvorkstone.  Shook it.  Chucked it at the road behind them.

Ralph heard the screech of the pursuing cars’ breaks.  Saw the people in them jump into the underbrush at the side of the road.  He too ducked as chunks of pavement and car metal went flying when the dvorkstone activated.  Ok, blowing up the road?  Not the greatest plan.  But at least they’d had the chance to survive, right?

Ralph turned forward.  “There!  Are you ha—CLIFF!!!” He grabbed onto the dashboard as if that would save him from the long drop before them.  He squeezed his eyes shut as they hurtled over the edge.  His stomach jumping up in his throat.  Then lurched back in it’s proper place as their plummet jerked to a halt.  Ralph cracked an eye open.  The Jeep hovered over waves crashing into some terribly spiky-looking outcroppings.  He gulped.

“Hell yeah!” The woman pumped the air with her fist.  “Sorry Gramps, Paladins of the Pale Lady, but you suckers failed!  I’m 100% still myself!  But wait, what’s this?  I managed to score AWESOME MAGIC POWERS from you failed little ritual anyway?  Eat it, suckers!”  She yelled to the top of the cliff.

The jeep shuddered at her distraction.

“Maybe wait to gloat until we’re not hovering over rocks that can kill us?” Ralph snapped.  “I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer not to die in the ocean today.”

“Oh, fine”.  The woman groaned, righting the Jeep with a wave of her hand.  “But you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.   All my life they’ve told me I’m nothing but I future vessel for her grand, magnificence, the “Pale Lady”.  Did they ever ask what I wanted to be or do with my life?”  She snorted.  “Fuck No!”  Paused.  “Well, except for my great-aunt and look what that got her.”  The woman sighed.  “Anyway, thanks for the save back there, you’re not so bad for a guy who crashes a secret cult’s ceremony.”  With another wave of her hand, she got the Jeep to fly forward over the ocean.

Ralph slowly relaxed back in his seat. “You’re welcome.  I didn’t exactly expect anyone to actually be at an ancient troll site.  But I’m always happy to help out someone in need.”

The woman glanced at him.  “So you knew what that place was, huh?  And here I assumed you were some severely lost tourist.”

“Tourist, yes. Of a kind.”  Ralph shrugged.  “Dad’s a troll so I figured I’d travel around, see the sights of the troll world before settling down to some boring desk job or something back home.”

“Troll dad? That sounds like an interesting story you got there.”

“Not as interesting as runaway sorceress from an evil cult.”

“Yeah well we’ll probably have time for both considering there’s nothing but ocean as far as I can see.”  The woman gestured to their surroundings.  The cliff growing smaller behind them.  “You got a clue where we are? I’m kinda hoping we wash up on the shores of France.  I always wanted to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower.”

“No, not really.”  Ralph shrugged.  “I used a gyre to travel from home.”  He paused.  “But definitely somewhere with a lot of water.”

The woman rolled her eyes.  “Don’t tell me.  I’m stuck in a floating car with someone who has a godawful sense of humor.”

“Hey, I’d prefer not to be stuck with someone who has what my mother would call a “potty mouth”, yet here I am.”  Ralph retorted.

“Oh, so you’re a mama’s boy now?”  The woman laughed.  “Merlin’s beard, I have horrible luck.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew my mother.”  Ralph smirked.  “You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if she showed up right now, via some magic method or another, just to give you a lecture.”  He paused for dramatic effect.  “And then try to feed you her horrible, horrible pies.  Seriously, though.  If you ever do meet her, don’t eat her pies.  It will offend her, sure, but it will save your stomach from a truly disastrous fate.”

“Noted.”  The woman grinned at him.  “Oh, and, just so you know, I’m Megan.  Megan the Magician now, I suppose, fits.”

“Nice to meet you, Megan.”  Ralph held out his hand.  “I’m Ralph.  Ralph Domzalski, but all my friends call me “Ralphie, their shining knight in armor who’s so heroic and spectacular and—”

“Yeah I’m just going to call you Ralphie-Piekins.”

“Please don’t.”

“You were the one to bring up the cutesy names, mister.”  Megan stuck out her tongue at him.  “Don’t open the can if you don’t want to know what’s inside.”

“Well then, I’ll just call you Megan-bacon-fakin, um…”

“That’s the best you can do?  So sad.  I suppose I should let you off the hook.”  Megan sighed dramatically.  “So tell me, Ralph, as we head to wherever we’re going, how does one end up being a half-troll?”

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Since it’s on my mind, here a short preview of Ch. 4 of Ralph Domzalski’s Guide To Falling In Love With A Sorceress.

(Toby is a 2yrold here)

The next day, Ralph brought the newspaper into their family room, where Megan was on the floor playing with Toby.

“You’re not going to believe this.”  Ralph sat down on the couch.

“Believe what?”  Megan lifted up a toy spaceship and made wooshing noises.  “And then Duke Toby’s ship took to the sky!  After finally having hundreds—”

“Zilly-billy-ons!”  Toby interrupted.  “Zilly-illy-bee-ins!”

“Zilly-billions.”  Megan corrected.  “Adventures.  He was finally going back to his home planet—”

“Banananananaaaaaaa!”

“His home planet, Banana.”  Megan continued her story.  Toby giggled.  Megan tickled him.

Ralph settled in so he could watch them.  His news could wait a couple minutes.  Sure, it was great news.  Spectacular even.  But still, nothing was more important to Ralph Domzalski than his family.

When Megan eventually finished her story, which involved Duke Toby heroically saving Banana Planet from evil, she sat down on the couch next to Ralph.  “So, what’s your big news?”

Ralph opened the newspaper with a flourish to the page that announced the lottery number winners.  He held it and the ticket he’d bought at the gas station up to show Megan.  “Sweetheart, we’ve won.”

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Ralph Domzalski’s Guide To Falling In Love With A Sorceress

Step 2 (of 5): Dance In The Sky Together

“Ok, open your eyes in 3, 2, 1…” Ralph removed his hands from over Megan’s eyes and carefully stepped back into the shadow of the tower.

Megan huffed.  “You’re being ridiculous.  We climbed up here together.  I know what I’m going to see.”

Ralph grinned.  “So why haven’t you opened your eyes, then?”

“Ok, maybe I am savoring the moment.”  Megan retorted.  “Look when you have a hopeless pipe dream become reality, you’ll be able to understand what I’m feeling.”  She opened her eyes and turned back to face him.  Her green eyes glinted in the sunlight.

Ralph rolled his eyes.  Megan stuck out her tongue at him.

“So, do you?  Have a hopeless pipe dream?”  She asked.  “Now that we’ve done mine, it’s only fair.”  Megan finally looked out over the railing of the very top of the Eiffel Tower.  “Break Merlin’s left toes, this is beautiful,” she added in a quieter voice.

Ralph looked up to check the sun’s location to confirm he was still safe against the side of the tower.  Daylight didn’t agitate him like it did when he was a kid, but still, it wasn’t good for him to be out in it for too long.  Their hours-long hovering car ride over the ocean without much cloud cover had left him feeling queasy for two days.  He’d prefer not to have a repeat performance.

“Eh, you know, anything that involves me not getting daylight-sick is always good.”  Ralph shrugged.

Megan smiled at him.  “Good thing I’ve been working on a little spell then.  This view is great and all.”  She gestured out to all of Paris.  “But I think I know what would better.  So much better.”  Megan held out a hand to Ralph.  “Don’t be shy.”  She smirked.  “Oh, and I almost forgot.”

Megan stomped her foot.  Nothing happened.  She frowned.  Stomped again.  “Come on.  I got you to work this morning,” she muttered.

“Meg, I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but—”

Shadows sprang out from Megan’s foot in a pool around her, then spread out to where Ralph stood.

“Ah, there we go!  Personalized shadow!  So those among us who are more trollish in nature can walk under the gaze of the sun with perfect ease.”  Megan twirled in a circle.  “Yet another magnificent spell brought to you by Megan the Marvelous Magician.  Praise me, dear commoner, for I have succeeded where you thought I would not.”

“Oh yes.”  Ralph teased.  “You’re becoming quite the pro at this magic stuff.  Soon you’ll be able to perform at little children’s birthday parties.”

“Shush you.  Or I’ll leave you all alone up here.  You’ll have to climb all the way down to the ground knowing you wasted your chance to experience the splendor of diving through the sky with the most captivating woman you’ve ever met.”  Megan gave an exaggerated sigh.  “And you’ll say, oh woe is me.  How foolish for my ridiculous self to pass up such an opportunity.  I know one like it will never happen again.  I must embark on a quest to find a lonely cave by the sea to inhabit for eternity as I slowly become more sad and lonely and evil and trap unsuspecting folk in binding agreements to their detriment.  Siiiiigh.”

Ralph laughed.  “I’m impressed.  So many words and not a single cuss word in the bunch.  I think I am rubbing off on you.”  He smirked.  “Also really?  I seemed to be getting along just fine in life before you entered the picture.  So I think it is you who’ll end up sad and lonely and evil by the sea.  And you’ll say, oh dearie me, I should have listened to that Ralph more.  Really, he was such a smart, outstanding guy—”

“Shush, you.”  Megan playfully pushed him back against the wall of the tower.  “Or I’ll have to do something impulsive.”

“Like what?”

“Like this.”  Megan quickly kissed Ralph on the lips.

“Holy shit, you kissed me.”  Ralph stammered.  “You kissed me.  Holy fucking—you—you like—”

Megan patted his cheek with her hand.  “Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.  I just wanted to see if I could make that golden tongue of yours utter some ugly, ugly words.  I’m still not convinced I shouldn’t turn you into a cutesy little bunny.”

“If you did, I would gnaw holes in all of your clothes.”

“How romantic.  You even rhymed.”

Ralph tapped the tip of her nose with his finger.  “If you’re lucky, I may just do it a second time.”  He grinned.  “See what I did there?”

“Yeah, but time doesn’t rhyme with rhymed.  Now that I think about it more, someone failed their language lessons.”  Megan answered.

“But time does rhyme with rhyme, and also lime.  Dime.  Mime.”  Ralph paused.  “Ok, now I’m out.”

“Ah, he admits his defeat!  Thus, the victory goes to MEGAN!”  Megan mocked bowed at a nonexistent audience.  “Thank you, thank you, I know I’m the best.”

Ralph swallowed his laughter.  “Ok, ok fine.  Now, what was it you were going to do?  With the shadows, which are great by the way.”  He walked around the small platform.  “I can’t even feel the sun.”

“THIS!”

Ralph felt Megan grab him around the waist.  Felt himself pass through the barrier between the open sky and the Eiffel Tower.  Felt himself start to plunge.  Being yanked back up.

“GODDAMNIT!  What is with you and falling from great heights!”  Ralph yelled over the wind.

“What can I say but I think I want you to fall for me!”  Megan flew onward toward a massive bank of clouds.  “You see what I did there?  With the word, ‘fall’?  Yeah this is what you sound like when you ask me questions like that after you make a ‘joke’.”

“MY JOKES ARE GREAT AND YOU LOVE THEM!”

“Ralph, dearest, I’m right here.  You don’t have to shout.”

“That wasn’t for you, that was for the fly I just swallowed.  Little guy needs to know that he’s in the belly of a master comedian.”  Ralph twisted his neck to look back at Megan.

Megan replied dryly, “I can and will drop you in the Seine.”

“See I would believe that if you hadn’t kissed me.”  Ralph looked back at the sky.  “You like me too much to get rid of me.”

“I suppose I do.”  Megan whispered in his ear.  “You may be a ridiculous man, but you’re my ridiculous man.”

“And you’re my cutesy wootsey most adorablest little angel cuddly bunny, um, pretty little…”

Megan threw back her head and laughed.

“Ha!”  Ralph yelled triumphantly.  “You do love my jokes!”

“Of course I do, silly, but it wouldn’t be fun if I didn’t tease you back, now would it?”

“I’ll agree to that.  Hey, I bet you’ve never flown through a cloud before.  Wanna—?”

Megan charged forward toward the cloud bank.  “Way ahead of you!”

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

@#this is really good but i had to put my phone down and stare at a wall for several minutes because her name is megan#And that sounds similar to a debunked theory about her#or i could be reading into it too much

@yellowmagicalgirl if in your tags you were referring to Momgana on my Nonbinary Toby ficlet, that was a (happy) accident.

My next story in my Nana’s Troll Husband AU is supposed to focus around Ralph (in a similar way Shadow did Barbara) and “Megan” was a working name I came up with for his wife/Toby’s mom back a few months ago when I was developing my ideas for that.  I just reused the name for the nonbinary Toby ficlet since I already had it.

So, originally, not a Momgana reference.

buuuuuuuuuut

in the au, Ralph is the son of Nana and Vraxel the troll.  Ergo he’s a Troll/human hybrid who, to some extent, has access to Troll society/locations (at the very least he knows trolls exist and there’s some magical places in the world).

I think somewhere in my notes there’s a potential backstory for him where he spent some time after college traveling the world.

also in my notes, he has romance troubles due to trying to navigate telling potential spouses that his dad’s a troll and he’s not exactly completely human (and also that he’s not quite sure he can have kids due to the whole first ever known hybrid of his kind thing).  It’s sort of a turn-off for most (in one potential storyline I had the “Megan” character dump him bc of it).

anyway, the point that I’m rambling toward is that it could totally be possible in my au that Ralph, while traveling the world, meets a girl who just so happens to be a sorceress who knows about trolls.

Maybe he’s visiting an ancient troll site and happens to run into the one other human in existence (who’s not his freaking mom) who knows about trolls.

Maybe he has to rescue her from goblins or something.

Maybe it’s too much to actually be a coincidence if he actually considers it longer than he does his relief that, for once, he won’t have to explain the weirder aspects of his life.

Also “Megan” has really, really pretty green eyes and Ralph is a hopeless romantic tbh.

So they maybe get together.

And Ralph really doesn’t consider he may have freed a reborn Morgana from imprisonment at that ancient troll site until he brings his new girlfriend (or wife, cause he’d totally be the type to get married quickly while abroad and then come home with her) home to Arcadia and his parents are like what the everlasting fuck Ralph we raised you better than this didn’t we? holy shit you’ve brought home an ancient sorceress.

Alternatively

Nana & Vraxel just shrug and accept “Megan” as a part of their family and slice-of-life hijinks ensue with a family made up of 1 human, 1 troll, 1 hybrid, and 1 ancient sorceress.

and later the 1/4 troll, 1/4 human, 1/2 magical offspring known as Toby.

in hindsight I’m not sure I really wanted to go down this rabbit hole but i’ve gone down it and here we are

none of this was planned before now but the similarities in names got me thinking that i could potentially pull it off and um yeah then this happened