#RESPECFUL RESPECTFUL RESPECTFUL RESPECTFUL LOOKING LOOKING LOOKING

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Why do I seem to find Kiryu more attractive when I'm seeing him get his shit rocked

[the-midnight-blooms]

all i wanna do | jyh

pairing:  scholar!jeong yunho x wife!reader AU: arranged marriage, historical au (Joseon dynasty)   word count: 11.4k warnings: heavy angst, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide

masterlist

The rain thundered down from the sky on a sullen morning, the clutter of dishes and whirring of teapots stirring one awake from their slumber. At once the household was buzzing with activity, the slap of sandals against the cool marble floor as a weary middle-aged man retreated to the dining table. On one end, the seat at the top of the table reserved for him, sat his boiling cup of tea and newspaper, his wife soon trailing in after him. Afterwards was his daughter, and they all greeted each other with polite “good mornings” before settling down to eat, a comfortable silence held among them.

Mr Hwang, a renown land owner found that when he left his home, he was able to find a line of servants bowing their heads to him in respect. He was, by any means no aristocrat and did not preach claims of nobility but his knowledge of literature, politics and art had allowed him to extend his name into upper class society. He was proud to claim that his name lingered on the tongues of scholars, dukes and the general along with other important men in the militia. Such men were seen as gifted in society, how could it be that a poor man who had never had the privilege of receiving satisfactory education proved to be more astute than any scholar of Joseon. It was down to sheer luck, and god, he thought that he was able to claim a reputation such as the one he now held.

About three months ago, on a Wednesday evening, Mr Hwang kissed his wife goodbye- leaving his home to travel four miles east to the large estate on a hill that he had been invited to. Every Wednesday, scholars from nearby towns had gathered to invest in the latest literature and scribble their thoughts in the margins of transcripts that had been thrown their way. They were settled within the library- men walking up and down the aisles searching for novels of interest some men sipping on cups of tea. Around three hours in, the ripple of quiet murmuring would transcend into loud chatter. Like clockwork, on that Wednesday evening, Mr Hwang settled down his quill cracking his fingers to relax the tense fibres in his muscles. He sat opposite the esteemed Mr Jeong, a loyal civil servant to the King and a member of the Royal Council.

Despite the ongoing of chatter surrounding them, the two men worked on their studies with minimal conversation. Mr Jeong was the first to break the silence.

“How is your wife and daughter, Hwang?”

“They are in good health, sir. How is your son? How is he finding his duties as a gentry scholar?” Jeong beamed at the mention of his son’s position within the royal court.

“He is too in good health. The prince informs me that he performs his duties excellently.” Hwang nodded, sending a polite smile his way before raising the cup of tea to his lips. A comfortable silence held among them but a thought provoked at the back of Jeong’s mind. “Actually, I am looking for a bride for my son as he is now of marriageable age.”

“That you should have no problem seeking, Sir. He is an impressionable young man, is he not?” Whilst Jeong felt implied to agree with his friend, there was more to his son than meets the eye. Yet for what he wanted to confess, it was better to stay quiet and agree to Hwang.

“I think I had better be open to you, my friend. I was hoping to ask if you would so kind to extend your daughter’s hand in marriage, for my son.” Hwang, taken aback almost choked on his tea for a split second quickly placing his cup down giving his friend a wide-eyed stare. A surge of emotions overcame him. Jeong was not the type of man to joke about serious matters such as marriage.

“My daughter? Wedded to your son? With all due respec-,”

“I understand that this is no conventional way to propose but you know better that I am not a man of custom. I have met your daughter. She is patient, kind and intelligent too. It seems that you have shared the gift of knowledge with her and my son does not want a wife that he cannot converse with. He is not asking for scholar but an understanding woman as such. I believe your daughter would make the perfect wife.” Jeong reasoned. The truth being there were many intelligible women in Joseon but the problem being they were either haughty or impatient. Either too vain about their looks or just purely selfish.

“If you allow me, I must discuss these details with her mother.”

“Of course, take your time. We are in no rush.” Which wasn't by any means true, but he could not exactly tell his friend to hurry up and make an on-the-spot decision.

That same Wednesday evening, Mr Hwang rushed back to his home as fast as he could running through the double doors- panting and out of breath. Without pausing to sit to down and breathe, the words spilled out of his mouth without caution astounding his wife in the process. Breaking from her momentary paralysis, she escorted her husband to the nearest chair-summoning the closest maid for a cup of tea to be brought to the study.

"We have to say yes, you must send Jeong a formal letter of proposal." Hwang nodded eagerly. Mrs Hwang thought about her daughter and what she would think. She would say no, of course.

Mr Hwang was not as ignorant as his friend thought he was. He had his eyes and ears everywhere- he knew his son's true nature. Perhaps if he was a better father, he would have declined the offer as soon as the words left from his mouth. After all wasn't this marriage an opportunity to extend his lineage into nobility? He could be richer, more reputable, more well known. How could he decline this offer?

"Begin the preparations, but do not tell her. Not yet." Reluctantly, his wife nodded.

Miss Hwang, daughter of Mr Hwang- the noble landowner, knew something was being plotted behind her back. She spent the last three months in and out of the dressmaker's, her measurements being taken for hanbok's of every colour, in silk, satin and in every other expensive material she could think off. A plethora of jewellery and fabrics were being sent to the house and as the months went by the atmosphere of the household became much more busier and chaotic. It brought her much annoyance that she wasn't able to find out- she even tried to provoke Min Cha but the youngest maid was not prone to bribery. She stared at her father at the top of the dining table, as his eyes scoured down the page of the newspaper reading the contents of the latest news in Joseon. Clearing his throat, he meticulously folded the paper discarding it to the side before making eye contact with his daughter.

"Minister Jeong and his son, Yunho will be joining us tonight for dinner. Make sure you are here and not hiding in your room" he instructed, giving her a pointed look before lifting his tea cup. A sudden thought rushed to her head. It could only make sense that perhaps they were coming over to propose. The gifts being sent at the house, the fancier clothes she was forced to wear, the hushed whispers of the maids as she walked by and their talks of marriage and children. They never bothered before, they knew how indifferent she was towards the notion of it. It could only mean that they were coming over to propose, or maybe they already had- besides she didn’t need to say yes, herself. Her father could on her behalf and it could be perceived as her approval. That was a thought she did not want to entertain, being a woman devoid of many choices was hard enough. If she could have a chance of falling in love and being loved as deeply and constantly the way that one wanted to be loved- she would grab at it. Though grabbing at it was like reaching out for a feather, its fibrils caress her fingertips only for it to slip through her fingers.

A few hours after the breakfast table had been cleared, the bustling sound inside the house had significantly quietened, doors to the kitchen quarters had been slammed shut so no sound seeped into the rest of the home. Warmth trailed the surface of the study, perched on the windowsill, head leant against the glass pane she gazed at the town below outstretched beneath the three miles of grasslands- a small cobbly path paving the way for carriages and palanquins. A creak infiltrated the room, her head snapping the other way watching a small figure stumble into the room and an older maid following after her. Tea settled down on the table, the maid scurried to the fireplace continuing her cleaning duties whereas Min Cha sat beside her on the window sill. Her hands reached to caress the younger girls face, pulling her towards her-nuzzling her in her arms. With a comforting quietude held among them, in the far distance the swaying of carriage treaded towards their home.

"Do you think that's Mr Jeong and his son?" Miss Hwang hummed carefully, fingers stroking Min Cha's dark hair. They watched the carriage come to a sudden halt outside their home; several moments later an older man walked out. The servants ran towards him, offering their greetings. After him, a taller man appeared out of the carriage, moving eloquently across the lawn. His dark hair was strikingly shorter than most young men of the common day and age, his brown wide eyes scanning his surroundings. Their eyes locked, he tilted his head slightly as if scrutinising her. Jumping away from the windowsill, she pried Min Cha off with her scurrying away to her room- to hide- exactly like her father told her not to.

Yunho noticed her eyes first. He felt like he was staring into his own when he discerned they were that they were burdening with inquisition, the length of her lashes softening a look that could have been perceived as threatening. It was her, wasn't it? She’ll make do he thought- there had to be reason for his father’s persistency. He was perfectly satisfied with being unmarried but then again his father probably wanted a grandson to carry the lineage, the establishment of this matrimony purely founded on both his father’s and Mr Hwang’s pride. For now he needed to refrain from looking ignorant for the next few weeks. Granted, he was stuck with her for life but as long as she knew her place he’d make do with her presence. They had moved to Mr Hwang's study where they had been seated around the fireplace, the cold winter air still clung to their skin, the heat of the spitting embers easing the chill that ran down their spines. His ears became heedless to the conversation the two older men shared, moulding his face to look interested with the occasional vocalisation to please his father's friend.

"I must finally introduce you to my daughter," Hwang cheered, clasping his hands together in enjoyment. Yunho forced a smile onto his face, preparing himself to meet yet another bratty daughter of a rich man. Calling for the maid, Hwang then proposed that he made his way into the garden to share a private interaction with each other.

Miss Hwang let out a small whine, shoulders slumped with an exaggerated frown etched on her features as she ambled down the steps and moved into the front lawn. Letting out a sigh of exasperation, she straightened her posture entering the garden with a sheepish smile. He was much taller than she had anticipated in the glimpse of their eye contact, the closer she moved the more intimidated she felt by his slender, towering figure. Though his features were soft and inviting, his wide eyes particularly held such a kindness in them that she had not seen in the eyes of other men. She wanted to speak in that moment, but neither of them had any idea what to say. Instead, she decided to saunter through the garden; Yunho following her. Yunho cleared his throat, her attention drifted from the garden flowers to him-she turned around to stand in front of him his movements halting as he sent a look of confusion her way.

"Why exactly are you here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what I asked. What is the purpose of your visit? What are your intentions? What do you and your father intend to gain from your being here?" He cocked his head to side, and scoffed at her questions yet the look of seriousness on her face had thrown him off. He was half expecting to start the conversation flaunting about something, talk about her riches, or maybe even throw herself at him. Not question the nature of this visit, was Mr Hwang detaining the knowledge this arrangement from his daughter? If so, why?

"You are to be my betrothed." He stated, though it came out as more of a question as her eyebrows creased in scepticism. "Which I thought you would've known as you accepted the proposal-" she ran back in the direction of the home, abandoning him by burgundy dahlias. All the pieces had fallen into place now, it was dowry that was being sent to the house, all the preparations were for her matrimony. How could she have missed all of this? Storming into the study, the door banged open the abrupt dissonance making her father jump from his seat; Jeong raising an eyebrow in inquisition.

"Father, can I talk to you?" Her voice both breathless and desperate for answers. Before he could speak, she exchanged her position with Jeong- who the nearby maid had guided into the parlour. “Why have you been hiding this proposal from me?” Silence hung among them, as she glared into his eyes.

“Do you think if many months ago I approached you with this proposal you would have said yes? You would’ve spat in my face. This is for your own benefit. Did you even talk to Yunho? What must he think of you?”

“Who cares what he thinks of me? What I care about is how you’ve tried to dictate my life for me.”

“Everything I am doing is for your own benefit” There it was. That same old phrase. The same phrase that she had heard when her father pulled her out libraries and schools, pulled away from the fields and forced her into passivity and domesticity. She had gotten gone used to it finding partial amusement in embroidering, cooking, drawing while occasionally reading the odd novel but there was no satisfaction in a life where she only existed for the sole purpose of serving a man. Her whole life she listened and obeyed, her only desire being to at least choose who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Now she couldn’t even have that- her only last grasp for autonomy was being snatched away from her.

“You will tell Mr Jeong that we cannot move forward with this marriage, or I will tell him myself." She claimed threateningly, her hands balled into fists.

"No, I will not. You will marry Yunho and that is that! Do you understand me? Your wedding is in two weeks so I suggest you start preparing for your departure."

"You planned all of this, and didn't once think to ask for my consultation?" With wide eyes in disbelief at the fact that she only had two weeks left in her childhood home before her name was tied to someone else’s.

"What does your opinion matter? I am your father, I know what's best for you." He moved closer to her, she winced as the tone of his voice rose, at this point it was better to think about what the Jeong family thought of him rather than her.

"No. You know what's best for yourself. You have always prioritised yourself over your own daughter and wife. You have never cared for me. It always what Byungchul Hwang has wanted and never-" his palm connected with her cheek, the slap sending a stinging pain through the supple flesh. His coarse grip latched onto her shoulders shaking them roughly; her body oscillating as he screamed at her many of the words sprinting through her head, the echo of his strident tone ringing in her ears, vision clouding as the line of tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. Something along the lines of 'ungrateful child', 'worthless', 'wretched' and any other invective he forced upon her. Nothing she hadn’t heard before. What was hearing them once more, before she succumbed to his despotism?

She could not recall how long he had endlessly been screaming at her, until her mother had stormed into the room calming her father, before sending her to her own room. The hallways of her childhood home seemed to restrict her now, the windows had been tightly sealed shut due to the wind- they seemed make the whole house feel smaller. Closed doors felt like shackles binding to her feet, restraining her. Her room was no solace, not anymore as she collapsed onto her bed a familiar numbness gnawing at her.

The two weeks had skimmed by faster than she would have hoped, the duration of them spent packing away the contents of her room into boxes. She dismissed the help of the servants wanting to savour the last parts of her childhood alone, structurally moving from one side of the room to the other. In the end there were many things that she had to throw away, keeping only the items closest to her heart. Min Cha informed her that Mrs Hwang told the Jeong family that his fiancée could not attend the dinner due to “feminine problems” to which this made both of their cheeks flush red. They shared a laugh, a genuine smile that bled into sadness soon after as it dawned on her that she wouldn’t share many more laughs with Min Cha for a long time. On her last evening at the home, she kissed the younger one before dismissing her for the rest of the night holding her a little longer, and a little tighter than she usually would have.

The creak of the wooden door, hauled at her attention head snapping up from the suitcase as her mother treaded into the room, steady but with graceful steps. She could never be as regal as her mother, she never understood how her mother maintained such a façade even after so many years of suffering from social abuse. How did one not break?

“Would you like some help dear?” Shaking her head, her hands glided over the clothes methodically stacking them one on top of the other. “I never thought the day would come, and so soon at that.” She sensed a smile on her mother’s lips, her awkwardly joyful tone striking a nerve.

“It wouldn’t have come so soon if you didn’t leave me with much of a choice.” Miss Hwang scoffed, avoiding her mother’s gaze as she continued packing her clothes into her bags. Am I ungrateful for thinking that I want a love that never dies?

“My love-,”

She shook her head furiously, pausing the words that came out of her mother's mouth. Of course she knew that her whole life she wouldn’t be allowed to have a say in her father’s decisions. She knew that eventually she’d be pawned off to the richest man that asked for hand but for a long time those were thoughts that were yet to become real. Tomorrow she’d be married off to Jeong Yunho, the minister’s son and be nothing but his trophy wife. The bearer of his children and an extension of his property. A pretty macabre way to perceive the situation that she was put in but she didn’t see any other way going about it.

“Today I am your daughter, tomorrow I will be just an object-not even worthy of being called a woman. What is a woman anyway, mother? A commodity, right? A baggage to be passed from one man to another?” She pondered as her mother gasped, tears rushing to the front of her eyes. How could her daughter have the courage to say that to her? “Don't look at me like that mother, you never once fought for me.” She bent down to knees, arms extending to grab the number of boxes that she kept beneath her bed. Her own tears pooled at her eyes. Attempting to keep them at bay, she remained on the floor sifting through boxes of jewellery, letters, books composing them into piles of what she did and did not need. She would give them all to Min Cha, with the exception of her a few sets of her mother’s pearls and diamonds. After several minutes, Mrs Hwang left from the room, she released a painful sigh. When the sun sunk beneath the horizon paving the way for the moon to rise upon the night, she had finally finished packing all of her belongings leaving them by her bedroom door for the butler to pick up and take downstairs in the morning. Glaring at the green hanbok draped on the dressing table stool, placed there by one of the maids- unbeknownst to her- she rested her head down on the silk pillow. Pulling the comforter over her eyes she shut her eyes, wishing and praying this was all a long and horrible dream.

A horrible dream it was not, she was rudely awakened from her peaceful slumber. Washed and dressed into a traditional green hanbok, hair brushed back and combed held into place by a bejewelled headpiece. The maids had painted red dots on her cheeks symbolising her youth but to also "ward off evil spirits" as the elders claimed. They left in her own room for a while, as they patiently awaited for the groom's family to arrive. The oldest maid appeared at her side, stroking her hair gently with an abating smile that even her mother failed to provide for her.

“I don’t know how to be a daughter and he’s expecting to be someone’s wife.” Her whisper transcended through Ji Hye's soul, a cry so quiet as if she was hanging onto the edge of an abandoned precipice with nothing but the rush of a hollow sea waiting to invite her death.

“Marriage is all about compromise, dear. Love him the way you want to be loved, men don’t know anything about affection- they need to be led the way. Hold his hands and promise you’ll be a devoted wife. He’ll hold yours and protect you with his life,”

Before she knew it the entire wedding ceremony had come to a close, she couldn't remember anything much other than staring into Yunho's eyes, his face hidden behind a fan as he entered their garden. It was tradition for grooms to give their brides a wild goose during the wedding ceremony, the flapping of its wings as it entered her father's arms provided her with temporary amusement. She remembered the exchange of their vows, formalising their union over a cup of wine. The few guests had eaten their food, blessing the newlyweds with nothing but happiness and prosperity in their marriage.

Entering the palanquin, she jerked at the white curtains before the bearers could, avoiding her mother's eyes through the translucent fabric. Maybe she was just being dramatic and unnecessary, but still it hurt to be used as a tool to extend the Hwang name into nobility. Not to mention Yunho had barely spared her a single glance other than when he was forced to play the role of a loving husband in front of their relatives. Leaning her head against the palanquin, exhaustion dominated her; she gave into her body’s demands to sleep.

“Ahem” a low grumble had stirred her awake from her slumber, an obnoxious yawn almost startling the servant who had been instructed to awake her. Rubbing her eyes, she stepped out of the palanquin the air burning her warm skin.

Two large black wooden gates opened to reveal the Hanok poised at the centre. It was not the largest house she'd seen a noble have but it was certainly a beauty with its glistening purple glazed tiles that decorated the curved roof and the dark brown walls of timber that structured around the home. A small set of stairs led to the porch revealing the salmun, a door made of wood panels and thick paper, allowing them entrance into the home, the path there littered with greenery that she made note to water every morning. Lifting the fabric of her hanbok she treaded up the stairs lingering by the porch as both her father-in-law and Yunho welcomed the servants to place the luggage in the front yard.

“I’ll have the maids take the rest in.” Yunho reassured his father, stood by the doorway with a questioning look of their presence, or rather absence. With a warm smile, Jeong laid a comforting hand on his daughter-in-laws shoulder.

“I’ve left this home in your hands, my dear. Yet should you need anything- I’m only one letter away.” His words held more tenderness than what was in her father’s being alone. He soon dispersed from the estate. With ease, Yunho grabbed hold of the luggage, sliding the door open to disappear into a corner of the home within seconds. All without a single word. Hastily, she followed after him; the interior of the home was almost empty, the translucency of each door feigned an impression of massiveness. She learned quickly that there were in fact no maids in the home, so then why did he lie to his father? Did Mr Jeong not know that Yunho kept no servants in his home? Not even as much as one maid?

There was little to no furniture, as she peeked her around the living space, the dining room, then she found herself wandering near a bedroom adjacent to a study and washroom.

“These are my quarters. Follow me, I’ll show you to yours.” His glacial tone had startled her, she felt her veins pulsating as blood sped through her body like scarlet rivers. Trailing after him, she noticed that the further they moved in, the colder it was wrapping her arms around her shoulders to keep her warm. The hallways seemed to be narrower in this part of the home too. Her quarters were similar to that of his with the rooms the same size and similarly furnished except in the far corner of the room there was a dressing table with a small stool. Adjacent was a washing room, however to compensate for the missing study there was a door that led to a porch extending straight to the garden. With her luggage held at the foot of the bed, her peripheral vision caught Yunho loitering by the door fiddling with his fingers as if he was unsure of what to do with himself.

“I thought we were supposed to be staying in the same room.”

“I like my own space.” She nodded in agreement. Unsure of what to do, she reached for his hands to place in her own as Ji Hye had advised her to do. Hold his hands and promise you’ll be a devoted wife. Yunho looked down at her in confusion.

“I promise I won’t let you down, I'll be a devot-."

"Dear god, stop this absurdity." Roughly, he shoved her hands away from him, "Stop this foolish act." The coarseness of his words stunned her, an uncomfortable warmth spreading across her cheeks as she looked down at her feet in embarrassment wanting nothing more than the ground to engulf her and take her six feet under. "Here's my promise. Do not expect me to be a doting husband and kiss you goodnight. This marriage is at the expense of both our parents. You’re nothing but a baggage to me, weighing me down.” He snarled, bitterness hanging heavy on his tongue. "Oh and stay out of sight- I can’t stand looking at you.” He grimaced at her appearance before stalking off in the other direction, leaving her alone in the desolate hallway. What great sin must she have committed for her to be have been cursed with a man like him? Barely even a day into their marriage and he was abandoning her as one did to a wounded animal in a slum. A sharp pang penetrated her heart as she slumped down on the bed. Tucking in her knees she bit her lips refusing to let out a sob. The worst was yet to come so it was futile crying now, she’d save her tears for when he had finally deconstructed her will to live as of now if she obeyed his rules she could survive.

As expected of her, she stayed out of sight and adhered to every command. Every morning she woke up at dawn rushing to the kitchen sweating over steaming soup, chopping vegetables as fast as she could before he woke up. The simultaneous roaring of the boiling pots of rice and whistling of the kettle often made her panic, the halls becoming used to her running down it as she frantically organised the table. The last few times she was late to set the table, she was subjugated to his yelling. He did not even end up eating the food in the end, surging out of the house in anger, speeding after him she tried to reason with him but Yunho left the front gate too soon and there was no point in causing a further commotion.

Not long ago her mother had sent a parcel to the house: a gorgeous traditional dress made from chiffon and silk, with an abundance of letters. A short note from her father, a page from her mother, and about three lengthy sheets from Min Cha updating her on all of the missed gossip of the town. Yet the final line of the letter had made her stop in her path as she strolled across the garden. 'How is your husband? Does he make you happy?'

'He is in great health. Yes, he makes me happy. As happy as the sun makes the earth when it arises from the suffocating dark.'

She wore the dress to one of the dinners that Yunho had been invited to by his good friend, and fellow scholar, Kim Hongjoong and his wife. For the first time in a long time when she looked in the mirror, she was complacent with her appearance the dress accentuating her figure in all the right places- she even wore a ribbon as she tied up her braid. Patiently, Yunho stood by the entrance of their home. Mrs Jeong walked up to him; on observing her presence he did not care to give her second look guiding her out of their home and down the village to Hongjoong's estate. Her esteem had dropped a little, she would’ve taken so much as a glance her way though he wasn’t obligated to give her even that much. Additionally, it hurt that many of the wives, at the party, had their husbands fixed to their sides while Yunho seemed to never be present. Even when the husbands had formed a congregation, some of them would glance affectionately at their spouses meanwhile Yunho never cared for a second to see if she was still in the room. For a while she just hid in the garden, away from the social gathering like she used to at the Hwang estate- enjoying her own comfort amongst nature. Except this time it was not comforting at all, not when the wives told her how lucky she was to have a handsome and intellectual husband like Yunho. Simply she smiled although a pit formed in her heart that only really seemed to dig deeper each time she was reminded of the reality of her miserable marriage. If only they knew, if only someone cared enough to ask her if she was happy instead of telling her how lucky she was. If only they noticed her distance and the sadness veiled beneath the façade of contentment.

Hongjoong, who had initially been making his way to the kitchen to check on how much longer they had to wait until the food was served, noticed a feminine figure standing alone by the white chrysanthemums her fingers brushing over the surface of the petal.

“Jagiya have you seen Mrs Jeong, I can’t-,” Mrs Kim followed his line of sight to find her target. The couple shared a look before Hongjoong made his way to the garden, Mrs Kim fixing her spot by the window.

“Mrs Jeong, are you ok?” The voice of concern cracked her immersion away from the chrysanthemums to Hongjoong who held a friendly demeanour.

“Yes, I’m just not very social at big gatherings.” She admitted, dipping her head in embarrassment.

“Ah, you’re quite the wallflower. Opposite to Yunho, he’s very talkative. I wonder how you put up with him when you feign such quietness.” Forcefully, she smiled. He never spoke to her; when he did it usually out of necessity. “You should come in now, the night will be settling in soon and dinner is about to be served.” Hongjoong had left her to her own devices but as soon as he turned, the hospitable appearance had dropped and he felt a wave of fury. He could see it in her eyes, the sadness she was suffering from, he noticed the longing looks she sent him and Yunho barely acknowledging her presence. How could he be so nonchalant? Mrs Jeong returned back to the house just in time for dinner to be served, the men and women had naturally been segregated from each other enjoying the delicious dishes cooked by the servants with the help of Mrs Kim. The lady of the house occasionally peered over her bowl to see Yunho’s wife who was crammed into the corner of the room avoiding conversation. When she was dragged into one, she engaged enough to not be seen as ignorant before excusing herself to use the restroom. She hid in the bathroom until she was sure that dinner was over, it had turned out that she came back after desert but nobody paid much attention to her absence. Silently, she thanked god for their disinterest.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the table the males had been interrogating Yunho on his life as a newlywed husband. For all they knew he was smitten with his wife and treated her as if she was the Queen Consort herself, taking his distance from her at this gathering as an act of shyness.

“Thank god you settled down, I was getting worried that you were going to be taking up courtesans for the rest of your life.” Mingi, his closest companion, imputed.

“Well that option wasn’t too bad either.” He aimlessly joked, receiving a mixture of responses. Some awkwardly chuckled while others gave him a pointed look latching onto his pending lassitude to marriage. The rest of the evening flew by in a breeze, at the end all of the couples drew back to their respective pairs- thanking the Kim family for their hospitality before dispersing out of the estate with linked arms and intertwined hands.

“You have got to be more attentive towards your wife Yunho. It’s what makes the moments between you much more candid.” Hongjoong advised as Yunho came to bid him goodbye. For the first time during the evening he searched for his wife, finding her conversing with Hongjoong’s spouse by the doorway.

“What do you mean, hyung?” Yunho questioned, that great big grin of his faltering slightly.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should be able sense her emotions towards you at this point. Do you ever stop to think that for a married woman she looks incredibly lonely?” His tongue poked the inside of his mouth, he cocked his head as he focused his attention towards her.

“I think you’ve got it all wrong. She’s just never been much of a social butterfly.” Hongjoong begged to differ but he did not want to pry, he had his attempt at trying to get Yunho to see how stoic he was being- whether or not he wanted to understand his sobriety was his own problem. The pair approached their wives, Yunho snaking an his arm around her waist, drawing her closer to him-he sensed how stiff she had gotten from his touch.

“…and be sure to visit me whenever you’d like! I would enjoy the company, Mrs Jeong.” Mrs Kim offered. The newlyweds smiled, bid their final goodbyes and whisked themselves away from the home. Yunho kept his arm around her waist, gripping his wife to his side all really because he saw the evident scepticism whenever he spoke about his marriage, the wool could not be pulled over Hongjoong’s eyes.

“Complaining about me to Hongjoong?” Her back pressed against the wooden panel as he inched towards her intimidatingly.

“What? No, there’s nothing to complain about-” He grabbed the bottom of her chin, her neck snapped back as she looked at him her jaw paining from the intensity of his coarse grip.

“I’m starting to get sick of you,” He yanked her head backwards and forwards, a breath catching in her throat. In that moment he looked like her father, inflicting tethers of abuse to assert his dominance. With a thumping heart that beat too quickly for its own good, her vision became cloudy, breaths exhilarating as he continued to yell at her. This time, the words whirled over her head- her mind clogged with everything and nothing at the same time as the walls of the room began to shimmer, caving in on her. Ripping away from his grip, she pushed past him stumbling to her quarters as tears rushed to the front of her eyes, her mind filling with all of the trauma she had endured from her childhood, as he called after her. She broke into a sprint, tearing through the open space. Her back slumped against the door; she gripped her lips to prevent any sound from coming out as hot tears streamed down her paling skin. Irrational thoughts began to infiltrate her mind.

I can’t do this anymore.

He called out her name through the door, skin leaping of her muscles at the unusual gentleness.

“Let me come in, what’s going on?” No, he’d only mock her. She couldn’t let her guard down. Darting her eyes to the drawer on her bedside table, the hurricane of voices in her mind seemed to quieten.

No one would miss me, right?

The tears stopped, the pace of her heart regulating back again, quickened breaths slowing as she edged closer to the drawer. Chewing on her lip, she felt a roar of emotions tackle her as she gripped the cold metal handle this time not bothering to glue her mouth shut as obnoxious tears escaped her.

Min Cha would miss her. Her mother would miss her. Maybe not her husband or her father. Her husband could move on, wives were replaceable after all. Though killing herself would be a way at getting back at her father, she had no siblings- there would be no one to elevate the Hwang name. Suicide was socially unacceptable, so she’d be digging a grave for both herself and her family. The thought had crossed her mind too many times than she’d liked to admit but she lacked the strength to commit the sin. Instead she'd clasp her hands together and pray to god for a way out of this torment. Fatigue overpowered her at last, crawling to the bed she lifted the covers slipping underneath as her arms wrapped around herself to feel the warmth she was entitled to. When she slept, she dreamt of a fantasy- a life where he loved her and she loved him. As deeply and constantly as one wanted to be loved.

He stood on the other side of the door, tempted to slide it open to see if she was ok. Her eyes had held a certain type of horror that had haunted him. Yunho was too proud to admit that he had been treating her terribly, in an attempt to rebel against his father for the way he'd been forced into this marriage with no way out. Despite this remark, he was still too shallow to see that she was in the same position as himself suffering worse at the hands of his tyranny.

"My dearest Min Cha,

I lied to you. I lied to you when I said he makes me happy. How can I be happy when I have to beg for him look at me? If God permitted I ever crossed his mind it would be a blessing for he torments me with his harsh words and aloof stare-"

He called out her name.

For the first time in a very long time, since that night he stood outside the door for hours as she sobbed herself weary. The sound of him calling her name echoing the beat of her heart, every octave was every rhythm silencing the sorrowness in her soul. Even when he subjected her to his ferocity, she grappled onto the moments when he called for her because even being used felt like loving.

"I was going to go on a walk, if you'd like to join me?" His eyes darted to sheet in front of her, "if you're busy-"

"I'd love to," Maybe she said that too quickly, but he gave her a sheepish smile. Slipping the sheet inside the drawer and closing the pot of ink, she rose from her seat following Yunho out of the home.

The neighbourhood was quiet, as the sun began to sink beneath the sky. Some of the neighbourhood’s children scuttled back into their homes- all of them reminding her of her own dear Min Cha. They’d ventured out of the town centre, towards the outskirts where a large park was situated. She’d never gone there herself, but saw it on her way to Mrs Kim’s house. The park itself was desolate, the grass waving eloquently as few birds soared through the sky. She wondered what it was like to be free. Was she not free? Perhaps free from her father’s wrath, but instead subjugated to even worse at the hands of her husband. In that moment she envied Mrs Kim- and envy was a foreign feeling to her- for having someone as caring as Hongjoong as her husband. Whilst she was so whisked away in her sorrows, she didn’t notice Yunho draw his fingers closer to her- before encapsulating her whole hand within his. The sudden warmth perpetuated through her, her heart fluttering at this sudden affection. Was he starting to appreciate her now?

"Hongjoong-nah!" he called out, summoning the attention of the couple sat beneath a tree, a large number of metres away from them. Oh, that's why he held my hand. Everything was an act to him, she bit her lip to stop it from quivering. No affection was ever really genuine and no amount of praying to God would ever make it real. Hongjoong and his wife waved back, Yunho stepped forward to make his way across the fields towards them but she tugged at his arm pulling him back. He looked down at her confused, attempting to tug her along with him but her feet anchored to the ground.

"I think you should leave them be, they're having their own moment." she offered, her faint voice infiltrating his ears. Processing the thought, he pursed his lips and then nodded. They both waved at the couple, turning away to move- she half expected him to let go off her hand at that but their hands remained clasped together, Yunho tightening his grip as they walked away from the fields back to their home.

Undiscovered to them, when Hongjoong waved back he almost made a gesture to invite them over to him when his wife tugged at his arm.

"Let them be, Joong. They're having their moment." He agreed, retracting his hand, watching as his best friend walk away from him.

As suspected, Yunho’s sentiment stemmed from his guilt. After that day where they walked through the park together, he never invited another moment of closeness. Ignoring the agonising pang that struck through her, she moved on with her chores, simply deciding that she would have to live it the same way that her mother did.

Her father-in-law stopped to visit a few times. Yunho had hired maids, for the week that he stayed over. For the first time it felt odd to not be doing something, she was not at comfort with it. However, she had to manufacture a façade for Mr Jeong; so she did. Much to Yunho’s dismay, her mother had sent a letter saying that she too was passing through the town and wanted to visit her daughter.

She knocked on the door to his study, his head perked up at the sight of her. Inaudibly she handed the letter to him, to which he quickly scanned over the page releasing an annoyed sigh.

“You couldn’t have told me earlier? I wouldn’t have to dismiss the maids.”

“I only got the letter today.” Rolling his eyes, he leaned back in his chair, exercising his strained fingers. “Go.” He ordered.

“Would you like me to get you-,”

“Go.”

Her mother, meekly, ambled through the gate a small bag of luggage in hand. Yunho had not been at home when she arrived, but when he came back she had to scuttle to the doorway and make him aware so that her mother wouldn’t have to hear any of his harsh words. With a short nod, he retreated to his room to change out his scholars robes, before greeting his mother-in-law in the dining room.

“You’re so lucky, dear, to have a husband like Yunho. Tall, handsome, clever. What more could you ask for?” For him to care for me, to treat me as his equal. To not just treat me as a toy, picking and dropping me whenever he wishes. Mrs Hwang’s hands outstretched for her daughter’s, jerking immediately once she had surveyed them. They were not soft like they had used to be, but coarse-as if struck by labour. “These aren’t a wives hands. Those are tender and full of care. These are overworked.”

“He’s overworked my love for him.” She joked. Mrs Hwang gave a detailed stare before cracking a forced smile, fear rushing through her. Perhaps she was just overthinking, maybe her daughter had taken up studying again and was spending her free time writing away with her husband.

“I almost forgot. I came to hand the keys to your grandmothers estate in Hahoe. Take it as a wedding gift. You ought to visit, to see if it’s still intact or has been run over by the villagers.” Accepting the keys from her mother, she opened up her bedside drawer, waiting for the rush of sombre emotions to subside before throwing them in.

Sometimes I envy you, at least you were seen even if it was to be hurt.

A low hiss escaped from her lips as she carried the heavy tray to the dining room, a sharp stab penetrating through her lower abdomen almost disabling her ability to move through the vast hallways. After many months, the frigidity of her quarters had finally gotten to her, waking up with a stuffy nose and an abrasive tickle in her throat. Much to her dismay, Yunho was sat in his seat as she rested his food in front of him. She bit her lip as she kneeled to set out his dishes, restraining a grunt. Her hands moved quickly, partly so she could withdraw to her room, roll up into a ball and wallow in her own pain. Yunho noticed her paling skin and the beads of sweat forming above her lip as with a shaky breath she poured his tea, his prolonging beam burning into her skull. Hastily, she rose up grimacing before turning to leave. He shot out his hand, grabbing her wrist, fear bleeding onto her face.

“You should stay and eat with me.” He suggested. The words somehow warmed her heart, yet the two forces of pain and comfort repelled against each other. Tugging at her wrist, it prompted her to sit aside him Yunho moving the plate between them. "Eat up, you look really weak. Are you eating properly?" With furrowed brows and pursed lips he lifted his spoon to feed her, her hand lifted to grab the handle of the spoon but he jerked it back. "Open your mouth." he spoke light heartedly. She accepted his spoonful of food as if he hadn't subjected her to months of distance and cold words. As if a few months ago their marriage was menial and meant as much as servant meant to a king or wheat meant to a lion. What had caused this sudden change? They spent rest of the duration of breakfast taking in turns eating; she spent the whole time clutching at her stomach- and avoiding eye contact at that. He wanted something from her, her nerves jolting at the thought of being used. At the end, she picked up all the dishes to clear them from the table, scurrying out of the room so he would be unable to notice the blush forming on her cheeks when he attempted to assist her and their skin touched sending a tingle through her fingers. Though he did notice, a blush crept upon his face- even he couldn't understand the change in heart despite knowing that his indifference towards her was unjustified; he could not blame the cruelty he beguiled her to on his father and a marriage he did not want.

A sigh of relief escaped her once he left the house; she limped to her room, the pains in her stomach unfaltering. Closing her eyes, she slipped into a deep slumber. When she had awakened to a soft nudge, no light streamed in through the windows. Her eyes widened in realisation, grunting to sit up.

“Are you ok?” She jumped slightly, shifting her line of sight to find her husband kneeled beside her. Oh god. An intense consternation seethed through her blood, her heart wavering with anticipation as if waiting on his judgement. What would he do? Shout at her? Maybe grab her forcefully as he had once done? Deprive her of food? He hadn’t done the latter as of yet, but what was stopping him? His despotism held no bounds. Yet, to her surprise, he did none of it. Instead, he placed the palm of his hand to her forehead, feeling the burn of her skin against his. “Goodness, stay here. Don’t move.” Her vision wavered, as a result of her drowsiness. Tucking up her knees to her chest, she waited for him on her bed. After a while, he reappeared in her room with a tray holding an assortment of things. A bowl of hot soup, some tea, a spoon. His affection astounded her. Yunho did not even let her pick up the bowl, raising the spoon to her lips to feed her the soup.

“Have you eaten?” She asked. He shook his head.

“You must be hungry, I can prepare you food.”

“Don’t bother, you’re staying here. Besides I’m not hungry. How long have you been in pain for?” Was this the same Yunho she was married to? Actually, was this all a dream?

“Not long, it started today.” His lips fell into a polite frown. She had always agreed when others told her that Yunho possessed a handsome face, yet today those features became particularly distinguished to her.

“I can call the Physician I’ll go-,”

“There’s no need. I’m-,” He arched an eyebrow in inquisition. “I’m on that time of the month.” His ears tinged red in embarrassment, an endearing smile fell on her. Then it had dawned on her. When was the last time she smiled? Truly, and not forced?

“Would you like a heating pad then?” Nodding her head, she beamed again, to which he immediately dispersed out of the room to obey her request. Yunho had realised how much he enjoyed being affectionate, hating himself for the torture he inflicted upon her. Every touch was still staggered, every kind word had come off less fluently than he would have liked.

“You have a thing for staring into space.” Yunho’s eyes met hers. “You’ll look at anything but me.” He sat in her room again, he liked it there. There was a comfort in her quarters that could not be found elsewhere in the home. Though she found comfort in the garden. He had never paid much attention to it before, his scholarly duties often prevented him from venturing into the garden- sometimes he stayed over the nights at the office, scribbling away in journals fulfilling an endless piles of tasks submitted to him by his superiors. He found himself looking at her whilst she was staring intently out of the window.

“Is that a problem?” She provoked, playfully.

“Yes. I require your attention.” She focused on his wide brown eyes for a second before raising her eyebrows in a questioning manner, one that read ‘Well what do you want from me?’ She knew better now than to interpret this sudden interest in her, as affection. “Is it too bad for me to want to you focus on me instead?” Hesitantly, he enveloped her smaller hands into his the warmth of his palms easing the tension of their embrace. Then with all the courage he had, he shifted his body to rest his head on her laps, her hands flinging upwards at the shock of the sudden display of affection. He closed his eyes as she feebly combed her fingers through his soft black hair. Were these the small moments of affection that made a happy marriage? Moments where they were basked in each others embrace, nothing but the comfort of silence draping over them.

“How was your day?” She whispered, a small smile formed on his lips.

“Pretty dull if you ask me, meetings after meetings but no progression. How was yours?”

“Also dull. But the kitchen and garden keeps me occupied.” His eyes snapped open and she halted her movements for a second.

“I could hire the servants back to help you, if it’s too much.” She shook her head as if to disagree. In all honesty, she liked the domesticity. It brought her a sense of security- if she could not entirely stable a place in his heart, she could at least have a place in his home. He made himself comfortable in her laps, flipping his head as if to indicate he was about to sleep.

“Right you can get off me now, your big head is weighing down my legs.” He snickered, that beautiful smile crawling across his defined features, plaguing her own heart. She snickered with him, sharing a small laughter between them. He did leave her that night, but not without placing a chaste kiss on her forehead leaving with her smile that fell with her when she slept.

“She just wanted a few pieces of literature. I write a few things in the margins.” On her way home from Mrs Kim's she sought Yunho stood outside of their home with another woman. A beautiful woman at that, wrought with elegance and grace. Her movements so poise, she even matched Yunho's insatiable beauty. He caught her discontentment through his peripheral vision. Picking up a book from the night stand in his quarters, where they both sat on his bed, he flipped through a few pages showing her his detailed annotation. “Most people just like to read my notes rather than the actual novel.”

“It’s very profound.” She noted, reeling through the words. He had a poetic way of writing, reflective of his image and movements. Yunho was looking at her again, whilst she was flipping through the pages in his book. He caught the long curve of her lashes, blinking as soft as a child’s blow across a face. Like the way he used to blow on his mother’s eyes to steer her awake from her sleep when he was hungry.

“You’re beautiful.” He blurted. And she was. She always was. He was just too cruel to deny himself the pleasures of being in love to admit that to himself. “I’m sorry.” A second confession, yet this one hung tensely in the air. Without looking at him, her palm settled on his cheek. She did not have the strength to say it was ok, because none of it was.

“Can you look at me?” Their eyes connected in an instant. His lips drawing nearer to her own. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, before meeting her lips, drawing her into a passionate kiss fuelled from his melancholia. I’m sorry. And they met again, in the darkness of his room, heads falling onto the pillow, kissing away their sorrows until the stars ignited in the night sky.

He had not come home for a while, his absence tormented her. She knew of his increasing number of hours at the Royal Office, regardless she launched into a fit of worry as she strode down the street to his workplace. If he wasn't going to come home himself, she would have to drag him from there. Upon reaching his workplace, piles of scholars rushed out yet Yunho was still nowhere to be seen.

“Are you ok, Miss?” A scholar had asked.

“I’m looking for Jeong Yunho.”

“In the library. Just down the hall from the entrance.” Nodding she quickly thanked him before he could question her further. Her eyes ran down the aisles, letting out an exhale when she noticed his appearance, at the bottom end. Though before she could take a step forward, the same noblewoman appeared from before. A pleasant smile graced his lips as she handed back one of his books. It had all appeared slow from then on, the way that she grabbed his collar down towards her.

She watched him kiss her.

Did the Earth stop orbiting the sun? For everything in that moment felt incredibly still, like the wind had an hitch in its throat, the delicate leaves outside had stopped swaying; the birds had stopped flapping their wings. When a dissonant gasp had escaped from her lips, the world had resumed all the same, soul thriving with vigilance. He had kissed her the same way she had once been kissed: with such raw emotional intensity, his hands settled on her waist bringing her closer to him. She couldn't watch, tears blurring her vision her sweaty palms balled into fists at her side. Tearing away from them she sprinted back towards her home- her body wracking with tears. Was it even her home anymore? It wasn't enough that she walked through the desolate alleyways, her sobs were loud enough to wake an animal from hibernation but she couldn't care less. Not when his love felt like a feather floating towards the ground, away from her and she was unable to clasp it, feeling its fibres caress her skin. It's touch was no longer satisfactory, it was addictive and she wanted more. Yet it was not hers to have, and not his to give.

All of it was a lie. She wasn't just a noble woman interested in some reading. She wasn't just an acquaintance. After all, Mrs Jeong wasn't just his wife- maybe on paper but had there ever really been moment in their relationship where his love hadn't reached after a period of hurt? There was no continuity to his affection and there never would be. The sadness within her transgressed to anger, she slipped into her quarters through the back garden- her tears ceasing as her body gushed with a familiar numbness.

How long- No.

There would be no more 'How long?' because with each passing second as she prayed for him to return to her and her alone, Yunho took advantage of her desperation to keep her looped to him. Impulsively, she yanked at her drawers grabbing at every article of clothing she possessed and shoving them into the same bags she had entered this cursed home with a never ending stream of tears soundlessly pouring down her face as she did. Her heart tugged at her when she slid the bags under her bed so he would not see if he entered her room. Residing to the table, she began to scribble at the sheet of paper, the wounding scratching of the quill against paper creating small dents.

He never returned home that night. And she didn't long to see his face, the memory of it disgusting her. She felt so tainted, marked, by his touch- is that all he wanted her for? Her body? And her, a fool she was to give it to him like it meant nothing to her. When the dawn seeped into the sky she placed a letter on the mahogany table of his study, taking the envelope containing the key that her mother had given her and fled from the estate-taking the doors at the back of the home. Her chest burned as she stormed up the hill, and when she reached to the top of it the chilling air suffocated her lungs- her eyes flung back to the home, her yearning for it ever so strong. A final look; she tore her eyes knowing that if she went back she'd only get hurt even more and there would be no one to blame but herself.

"Jagiya, I'm home!" He called into the foyer. There was no pattering of footsteps stumbling his way to greet him home. Neither was she in the kitchen, in her quarters-or his own. In replacement of her absence, in the study a crisp, folded up note sat on his desk. His heart thumped in his chest as he picked it up.

My love,

I find I cannot bring myself to say the things I want, to your face. So as the coward I am, I say them through this letter hoping it reaches your heart instead of your eyes. I’m sorry that I married you. I’m sorry that she’s not yours. I’m sorry that even though I tried, and tried and tried that I wasn’t enough for you. So I’m setting you free from the shackles of this marriage. Whilst a divorce is not an option, I wish for you to take my departure as a blessing to move on with the woman you love.

I cannot stand in the same room as you, knowing she stood there too. I cannot bear your touch knowing she felt you too, in a more sincere way than I have ever felt. I cannot and will not hear you say you love me, not when you don’t mean it. Perhaps you feel you must say it out of obligation. Now you have no obligation to me, so say it to her in all the ways I wanted to hear them.

Lastly, thank you. Whilst I could not be entitled to your heart, you gave me the comfort of your home, your money and somewhat your time. For that I’ll always be grateful. I wish you the best of luck for the future.

Sincerely,

Miss Hwang

The letter in his hands trembled, tears billowing at the front of his brown eyes. How did he lose her? Did she somehow see the kiss? The way that the noblewoman had forced herself onto him, fixing her lips to him so tightly, he was paralysed on the spot. He could have sworn he felt her presence looming in the room, he couldn’t do this to her. He had hurt her enough. Roughly pushing away the noblewoman he ran to the bathroom, scrubbing at his lips as if it would remove the cursed action in itself; take the unremovable stain off. A weak sob escaped from his lips, sinking to his knees to cry out to the moon. It was all a mistake. He needed to find her, he needed to make his way to back to her.

A little body dashed across the front lawn, parading around the bushes as his mother stood in the kitchen, stacking away the dishes back into the cupboards. Thunder cracked the sky once more as a tall figure dashed up the hill to find comfort from the rain in the house settled upon the hill. He found that a child ran around the outside, who having sought him transcend tiredly, slowly inched towards him. Having been sent to Hahoe to retrieve scrolls and various pieces of literature, he had been let out of the carriage too early left to venture his way into the town. Normally, Yunho’s navigation skills were precise though with his mind wrought with numbness- it severed at his ability to think rationally. Yunho did not find her. He had searched the whole of Joseon too. From Hongjoong’s home all the way to her parents. Every possible place he thought she could be, he checked. Her mother cried out her soul, his father taunted him. A fool he was to let a diamond slip from his hands.

Si Won watched a man walk up the hill to his home, cocking his head in inquisition. His mother, Mrs Jeong, stalked to the doorway to call her child back into the home. A few weeks after she had reached her grandmother’s home in Hahoe, she was attacked by a wave of sickness every morning, tiredness gnawing at her muscles and had suddenly manifested a large appetite. She met with the towns physician, quickly learning that she was pregnant. She came back home to cry herself to sleep, so much so that she had almost lost her child in the midst of her grief. He became her anchor, giving her a reason to wake up every morning and to survive.

“Si Won, get back inside.” The toddler nodded before dashing down the hills to satisfy his interest in the peculiar stranger. Yunho’s movements halted as he met with the boy, who had shyly stopped less than a metre away. With a kind wave, the boy smiled- one that eerily mirrored his own.

She stopped as the stranger lifted up her child, walking in the direction of her home. There was something about the way that he moved that magnetised her, though the rain beating down on them, had her rushing back into the doorway-poking out her head. Yunho’s heart stopped for a split second in his chest.

It was her.

The child released himself from his grip, squirming to be put down. Gently, Yunho set down the boy who rushed into his home and passed his mother, frozen to the ground. He called out her name, a pained sob releasing from her as she turned to grab her child.

She had left the door open, Yunho ran in. Facing away from him, her child’s head buried in the crook of her neck by the light force of her hand. All so he couldn’t see her in this moment of vulnerability. No child should ever see their mother cry. It hurt more for them watch, than the mother to endure.

“I searched the whole of Joseon for you, but I couldn’t find you.” His wavering voice, reached out to her from the other end of the hallway.

“Close the door. Take off your shoes and go into the living room.” She ordered, passing up the steps to settle her child down to sleep. Persisting through his whines to not go to bed, he shrunk into a ball under her hard stare; huffing as if that would change her mind.

“Is he mine?” The soft covers blanketed his tiny frame, her hands caressing his cheeks. She got up to face him, nodding.

“I think you should leave, Yunho. When the storm subsides.”

“You have to listen to me. It’s not what you think. I know you saw us-,” His pleads were interrupted by the shutting of the door, descending the steps she entered the front room. “It was a mistake. She grabbed me, and forced herself onto me. I would never do that to you.”

“Would you not?” She argued. “You had no problem in hurting me when we first got married. In fact, in the entirety of our marriage you have hurt me more than you have loved me.” He went quiet, panting in the air as he held back sobs. He wanted to reach out and hold her again.

“I was sincere in my apology, I realised how wrong it was of me to subject you to punishment over something that was not your fault. I hadn’t realised that you never wanted this marriage in the first place- the same way that I didn’t. I hadn’t realised how cruel your father really was, until I told him that you had left home and there was not even so much as a scent of emotion on his face.” Breathlessly, his hands shook by his sides. Taking in his face, it no longer held the youthfulness that it once did. It was spun with tiredness and sorrow, his face sunken as if he hadn’t eaten in years. She wanted to dote on him again, hold him, feed him with her own spoon. Tell him how much she loved him, but hadn’t he hurt her so much already? Was he worth the endless amount of love she held for him?

“I had to beg for you to love me. Nobody begs for love Yunho. And even if you couldn’t love me, you could’ve tolerated me but you didn’t even want to do that.” A shaky breath escaped from her lips. His heated stare burned holes into her skin, her hair stuck to the back of her neck as sweat pooled under the guise of every humiliating emotion felt to man.

"Let me be yours again, please." he went down on his knees wrapping his arms around her stomach; tears staining the front of her dress. A stream of her own pearl tears soundlessly scurried down her face as she ran her fingers through his thick, black hair.

"Oh Yunho, why can't you understand? You've always been mine. It's me who's never had the privilege of having you." Falling to her knees, she plastered both of her hands to the side of his face, lifting it up gently so she could bore her eyes into his.

“Let me have that privilege again, let me have you in all the ways that you deserve. To have you and hold you in my arms is all I want to do. I will lay down my life for you just to have you again.” A solicitude remained suspended in the air, his staggered breaths pulping the palpable tension- attempting to calm himself.

“I’ve been hurt enough. I really don’t think I can go on being hurt.” He nodded his head understandingly, a look of dejection flooding over his perfect features. Hesitantly, she reached for his hands encasing his larger palm in hers- to grab at his attention. Patting her lap, she motioned for him to draw closer to her. Slowly, he drew closer falling into her laps. “Don’t say anything. I just want to hold you.” To hold you as if I’m going to lose you again. To drink you in as if this the last of drop of water to ever touch the earth.

With his face buried in her torso, his eyes fluttered to a close. Her knees tucked up, hands roaming through his hair as if it were uncharted lands. Wind rushed into the room, the sky dimming to a stony grey.

She knew now. Her worth was void of value but her love for him transcended deeper than the earth, vaster than the seven seas. Her hurt prolonged centuries, an immortal root that would transgress generations. Her heart limped towards him, through ruptured arteries and severed limbs.

“Get up, dear. Si Won-ah is waiting for us.”

All Right Reserved © the-midnight-blooms

DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, REPURPOSE, OR PLAGISRISE ANY OF THE WORK HERE

‘hwang’ meaning yellow

A/N: I was hyping up how sad this would be, so I hope this actually lives up to everyone’s expectations 😭 I did catch myself crying but I am overly emotional sometimes. This has been sitting in my drafts for a good four and a half months, it’s such a relief to finally get it out.

let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for any future fics I post!

[m00mis]

Hiiii if you can can you please write Seventeen as dads please? 🥺

as a no1 dilf lover i sure can

{ gender neutral apart from cheol & mingyu because i HAD to. }

seventeen as dads

cheol - would beg for a daughter, and spoil her greatly, anything she wanted was hers. he's her biggest fan and would sign her up to so many sports, making sure to never miss a match. he'd make banners to hold up for her to cheer her on, he's so intense he almost got thrown out when he started arguing with the ref. they would have nightly gossip sessions where she could rant about her day. he would be her rock, someone she could always go to for anything

jeonghan - borderline dangerous with children because he would swing and throw them around. thinks that kids should be free to do what they want (within reason) and just asks them to come home for dinner. he trusts his kid a lot and is a very chill parent but when they start acting out he does NOT let them get away with it and is very judgmental "this is what you do with your time? do something better with your life..."

joshua - babies his kid forever and they're always an angel in his eyes. constantly says "remember when you were this big? time flies" and always reminisces. you catch him looking through photographs late at night, especially the night before their birthday. cries at every milestone and is so touched when they handmake anything for him. loves them so much, he is so grateful for them

jun - a very playful dad who is a big kid himself really. enjoys playtime as much as they do (maybe even more) and is often the one to ask them if they want to play. as they get older he teaches them everything he knows. he just really enjoys doing activities with them! teaching them to cook, to play the piano, to paint. there's mini juns running about all over the place

hoshi - the jokester, the comedian, the free entertainment for the whole family. his fav sound is his kid's laughter and will do anything to hear it. when he tucks them into bed he gives them kisses down their arms and on their feet. he can't help rolling around on their bed attacking them with kisses. (and ofc he constantly roams around his house as a tiger. paints both their faces as tigers, his tiger cub <3)

wonwoo - quite bashful around his kid but the little things he will do for them and go out of his way for show how much he loves them. he would do whatever they say and happily watch them do what they want because they're so cute. they know they have him wrapped around their tiny fingers and he does not care one bit. is definitely giving them lifts everywhere when they're older so they don't have to pay taxi fare

woozi - plays the piano and sings to get them to calm down and stop crying and it works every time. loves recording their baby voice and lets them make their own music tracks even though it stresses him out letting their grubby hands touch his stuff. he composes a lullaby for them (edward cullen style). never seen him as happy as when he's with his baby

dk - buys so many outfits because he cannot go past the baby section without dying of cuteness at how small and cute all the clothes are. photographs every little thing and is very protective, always there to catch his baby incase they fall or stumble. definitely the embarrassing dad who tries to be funny around their friends if they come over

mingyu - has mini dates with his daughter, getting her ready himself and doing her hair (badly). they go to see a movie together and a cafe after, sharing cake and a milkshake. househusband is naturally a great father and his heart bursts when she clings to him, following him around while he does chores. he buys matching aprons so they can cook together, the kitchen ends up a mess but the amount of giggling makes up for it

minghao - he's so nurturing and in tune to what children need and treats them as mini adults, respecting their space and emotions. the only thing he wants his kid to be is kind, constantly teaching them to respect others. his fav part of the day would be bedtime, he would stay with them until they fell asleep, stroking their hair and telling them stories

seungkwan - will fight children. if his kid gets bullied he will storm into the school to find who hurt his baby and he would get banned from the premises. (tbh he's terrified of children tho they're scary) he also teases his kid a lot and only stops once they start doing it back but he's glad that they learnt to fight their own corner from the very best. definitely a soccer mom

vernon - thinks his kid is so funny and laughs at whatever they do (lovingly). constantly plays music for them in hopes that as they grow up they'll have the same music taste. i think he would be the more submissive dad who lets them do makeup on his face and put stickers and fake tats on him, and would be the patient if they played doctor. when they got older he would take them bowling and to the arcade

dino - nothing he's achieved compares to being a father, he loves his kid so much, such a proud dad. has a photo of them in his wallet and shows it to everyone he can. feels like he'll explode every time he comes home and hears "daddy!". he would take his kid to the dance studio with him so they could make cute choreo together. although he would love for his kid to follow in his footsteps, he urges them to find what they want to do and would be so supportive no matter what.

[ashesandhackles]

Hello, I enjoy your metas a lot, they're very insightful! I was wondering what you thought about the relationship between Lupin and Ron+Hermione. There's been a lot written on how Ron+Hermione view Sirius (and how their views change through the series) but I'm wondering if they (well, particularly Hermione) became disillusioned with Lupin just as they stopped seeing Sirius as the all-knowing mentor like he was in GoF? Because in PoA Hermione's seen respecting his authority as a teacher a lot but she doesn't seem to look to him for advice ever again from OoTP to DH. Yet both she and Hermione think Harry was too harsh when he told off Lupin for leaving a pregnant Tonks and Ron was initially OK with Lupin joining their Horcrux Hunt, so maybe they'd both like to rely on him after all. I'm very interested in your analysis of all this!

Hello, thank you for this ask and your kind words!

Children take cues from adults. The reason Hermione doesn't look to Remus for advice after he leaves in POA is because he is a guarded character, and he has not made himself open to it. (Harry's impression of Remus leaving in POA is that "he would like to leave as quickly as possible" - he is a character that is very consumed by his guilt and shame).

It's why Harry also never attempts to form a letter writing relationship with him, despite knowing that Remus was his father's best friend. Sirius made himself very clear that he intends to form a personal relationship with Harry and is emotionally available, and it's why Hermione and Ron, also by default, form a bond with him (and have changed in how they see him etc etc). Remus is so guarded that when he has an emotional breakdown after Dumbledore's death - Harry has the impression that he was looking at something too private, and he looks away. That is Remus' vibe - he is someone who curates his negative emotions out of his regular interactions and that impedes people from forming an intimate bond with him. They are all kept at a distance.

Hermione (and Ron) respecs Remus as a teacher and as a person - since they were also in Order Headquarters where Remus is implied to be staying in OOTP. And that remained in DH - they would, of course, like to rely on him if Remus made himself open to it! Which he didn't, until then - and even then, he didn't exactly do it for reasons Harry appreciated. So because of that respect, they thought Harry was out of line in how he spoke to him.

[clearlydiamondz]

Loyalty to Royalty

Erik!Stevens x OC

Part Five

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Princess Imani was the black sheep of her family, never really fitting the female royal type. When an arranged marriage between Prince   N'Jadaka and her is set up, she tries her hardest to get away... but she just can’t.

IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE: I HAVE UPDATED MY MASTERLIST SO IT'S EASIER TO NAVIGATE. SO CHECK IT OUT IF YOU HAVEN'T! IT'S ALSO PINNED

- - - - - - - - - -  

"I don't know whos face I want to ball up in my fist, Erik's or Amarah's." Imani snapped walking through the halls with her newly hired publicist and manager, Makiah. She walked behind her keeping up with every news article the presented the news typing away.

It's been weeks since she's been to Wakanda and everything has been going smoothly. Her step-mother and step-sister stayed out of her way, her and Erik seem to get closer, and her worries of Vibranium went away as it seemed to vanish in the wind.

That was until this morning.

As she was eating her breakfast, her phone started to ring of notifications with Erik's name in the headlines.

Prince N'Jadaka Ex Comes Forward, Trouble In Paradise?

Her face twitched at the news before she clicked on the article. A video popped up of a beautiful girl with a light skin complexion, and curly hair. It was a Tiktok.

"Yeah.. he called me asking if he could fly me out to Wakanda. Obviously in respect to Princess Imani I declined. He continued to tell me how much he missed me but honestly that was a bridge I burned long ago."

Arianna Cope was her name.

She stood up calling Erik's phone but obviously no answer.

And to top it all off, fucking Oshana and Amarah.

It was believed that the two of them were going on a Vacation to Mexico but last minute plans changed to them going to New York. As her and Makiah were coming up ways to come up with damage control ideas, another notification came up.

The City Kambaho Is Now Willing to Trade, and so is Wakanda?

"No.. no no no no no." she stood up looking at her phone. "What the fuck have y'all done. What the actual fuck have you done!?" she yelled in horror as she seen the video.

"Princess Imani, let's the put the phone down and take it one step at a time." Makiah said, but she couldn't. She played the video,

"As we all know both Wakanda and Kambaho are greatly armed with the material known as Vibranium. We also know how important this could be for trading with not only America but with other nations who are possibly willing to trade with us. We no longer want to be in the shadows of what our strength can do, and we call to our sister nation to help support those that are in need."

Amarah looked at the screen with a smile as everyone asked her a bunch of questions. The screen with black as her eye started to twitch. She stood up making a B-Line straight to her fathers office, where she knew he would be.

And here we are in present time. As she was going to cross the garden room, she saw Erik running towards her. "Erik I swear on every linage of ancestors I have don't you-"

"It's not true. I promise it isn't." he said running towards her. "I jumped on a flight just to let you know this, I would not do something like this to jeopardize your future." he said, damn near out of breath. She looked over his face to see that he was genuine, but looks could be deceiving.

"Prove it." He pulled out his phone showing that she was the one that called first.

"In the call she was telling me how she missed me and that she wanted to be together. I admit, before I came to Wakanda I wanted a relationship but she didn't. Once she got wind that I was royalty and I moved on, obviously she wanted to be a clout chaser."

"That doesn't prove nothing. She could have called you first but you initiated first. And there is audio of you." Makiah said as he looked at her in confused.

"Okay first of all, who the hell are you?"

"That's our publicist and our manager who's going to be saving your ass, so show her all of your respect please." Imani snapped at him. "Show me other proof." he sighed not knowing any other proof but then he remembered.

"I have a screen-recording of her turning me down. " she had her palm out as he went through old videos before finding it. He handed her his phone as she read through the text-messages. She looked at him before cringing.

"Jesus.. that's sad." she handed him the phone as his fascial expression dropped.

"You really didn't have to say all that." she looked back at Makiah before asking.

"What can we do to fix this?"

"If this is true, that means that she could have edited the audio. We could hire an audio specialist to clear the audio that was recorded. He would then have to put out a public statement explaining how it's chopped, and Erik put out a public video on his side of the story. I can easily write that up for him." she said as she nodded.

"You get started on that, I on the other hand have to deal with some other bull-crap. You-" she pointed towards him. "Are coming with me." she said.

"I'll be getting right on that Imani." And with that, Makiah ran back down the hall with to her office. Imani handed him her tablet that she was holding as he looked at the article in shock.

"Why would they do this? The Wakanda council will set hell for this?" he told her as she opened the door to her fathers office. "No idea, but most definitely will be having a meeting for every party involved." she stated as her dad looked up at the screen.

"Imani I-"

"Dad. It's not your fault. Just get them on a plane back to Wakanda." she stated as he looked at her confused.

"Why Wakanda?" he asked her.

"I'm taking initive and we will all personally take accountability for this mishap and you will explain to them what your next steps are on fixing this." she demanded him as he scoffed..

"Hold on, you just told me that it wasn't my fault. Now I have to take accountability for what they did?"

"Yes because that is your WIFE and the Queen! When you decided to marry the back stabbing manipulative women you signed up for taking full accountability of everything she does as her HUSBAND and KING!" she yelled at him. "The country of Wakanda is our one and only true ally and whatever she just did, just had the possibility of messing it all up." she lowered her tone. He looked shock at the threatening voice but she did not care.

"So yes, we are going to Wakanda and we are fixing this mess. Wakanda deserves our loyalty and you know this, and I do too." she snapped at him. She turned and looked at Erik.

"Prince, please explain to my king how detrimental this could be for my people." Erik cleared his throat before speaking.

"Because Wakanda helps regulate and distribute your country's share of vibranium, we will have all rights to simply stop production. This could mean your economy market will crash, leaving you defenseless against other nations if they do decide to attack us for vibranium." Erik says as her father sighed rubbing his temples.

"Like I said, we are fixing this. Get your apology ready and decide how you will tell the nations how your step-daughter has no authority to make decisions for this country, or Wakanda." she told him.

"Imani, I do this she will leave." he said as Imani scoffed.

"Are you seriously considering not doing it for a woman who went behind your back and put your people in jeopardy? Father if she decides to leave you over this, this just proves her motive of marrying you in the first place." she stated.

"I don't get my paranoia from no one. You taught me why I should fear this."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Imani sat down next to Erik in the Council room, as she stared back at T'Challa who sat in his throne, and he looked pissed right a long with Queen Ramonda. The council of Wakanda looked even more angry.

"I would first like to start off and says that me as well as the rest of the citizens of Wakanda is very disappointed in the actions that transpired over the course of the day." he stated as Imani hung her head low.

"Now, we do acknowledge that some people are more to blame than others, but the fact that you could come and apologize for any acts of betrayal that you guys may have caused. Princess Imani, we and the council appreciate you initiative to come to talk to us so we have decided to hear you out, but those who have done the damage is not here." T'Challa stated as Imani stood up and cleared her throat.

"Permission to speak." he nodded. "King T'Challa, I-"

"We have never used formals before, let's not start now." he chuckled as she nodded.

"Challa, first I would like to apologize on behalf of my father and his wife, and his step-daughter. As you know, my mother's death took a toll on my father more than he can admit and he's doing unwell. As you know, our loyalty as a country is with you and the Wakandians and we will never sway from that. We are working right now to get this fixed as we speak." Imani spoke. Queen Ramonda looked her in the eyes, as if telling her she was okay.

"I would further more like to explain that this is not in a state of where they think this will help benefit the world, but in act of greediness. His wife knew the dangers of exposing the world of our ability with vibranium, and out of spite went to America. I do not and have not recognize her as my Queen, as my queen and mother is long gone." she stated. T'Challa looks at the council as they still stared at her with mixed emotions.

"This is your King and your families. You speak of them like you don't associate yourselves with them." M'Baku states.

"That's because I don't." she sighed looking down. "Look, I say this from the heart and not because I'm trying to play clean up. Every choice that I have made is the betterment of my country. And those choices are influenced by those older and wiser than me. Every ruling, every law, everything has been influenced by my father, my mother, and even you. I ran through these halls with Challa and Shuri for more than I can remember. My mother would have never taken Wakanda for granted as she too was a child of Wakanda."

She tried so hard not to cry, but the state of her people was at hand. The severity of her love for her country showed as she tried to hold back her tears but she couldn't help but let a few drop.

"I hope that we can be forgiven." she finished, as her voiced break.

Erik saw her and realized that they had more in common than they think. Not the herb, not that they are getting married. But the love and protection of their own kind. Looking at her in pain, knowing that she her country could be in potential danger. He had to say something.

"Can I say something real quick." Erik said raising his hand as the council looked at him, a tad bit shocked. Hell, even Imani did.

"I will say, these past couple of months have been a tad bit challenging for the both of us due to some... unforeseen circumstances." he said throwing a little shade at the council. "But, I can say that within these past few months and getting to know her is that her nation comes first. She has mentioned to me on plenty of times where she stated that the distribution of vibranium was against her wishes. She has no fault in this." he stated as the council looked at her.

"Furthermore, and Challa and Auntie can account for this. Both his wife and step daughter is just weird as hell." he stated making Imani chuckle through her tears. That was just so outta line but also the perfect timing.

"Meaning?" one of the council elders asked looking at Ramonda and T'Challa.

"We did notice how resilient they were being about their step-daughter being the true queen of Kambaho instead of Princess Imani." T'Challa said as Erik scoffed.

"More than that. They were acting like I should be the one marrying Amarah instead, how she wasn't fit to be a queen, how her father shouldn't trust her." Erik continued.

"Princess Imani, is this true?" The elder asked her as she nodded.

"Yes. That's why I believe this was an act of retaliation. Those statements never came from our kingdom." she stated. The elders looked at each other before one said,

"Well then why are we questioning her. This does not seem like it's her fault."

"It doesn't matter who's fault it is." M'Baku said standing up. "Princess Imani, I am sure you'll make a fine queen. I admire your bravery but this does not fix what was said." he pointed at T'Challa. "We now have world leaders expecting T'Challa to hand over the vibranium and obviously we cannot do so." he stated as Imani closed her eyes sighing.

"We are working on-"

"Don't mean to cut you off but what can you truly do. You don't even have your title yet to be making decisions for the country yet, and it seems like King Z'Kiri has his heads in the clouds."

"M'Baku there is no reason for your to be standing up and towering her like that." Erik said stepping close as M'Baku clicked his tongue. She never saw Erik angry, but his eyes showed every emotion.

"Well she doesn't seem that afraid if she's here playing king." he stated making Imani roll her eyes.

"Then I will." T'Challa said shrugging his shoulders. "Like you stated, King Z'Kiri doesn't seem like he's in his right mind to making decisions, he's not here defending himself or apologizing on their behalf, but she is." T'Challa replied standing up. That's when the ideas in her head started going.

"Erik.. you should be there." she said out loud. "Your word over hers as the next ruler in line, and as King will have a lot more effect than hers considering she isn't royal blood. It will have even more of an effect because you are blood cousins with Challa and a child of Wakanda also." she stated looking at him.

"Then if that's the case you should be there too." Okoye said. "Your mother was also a child of Wakanda and you are the rightful ruler to the throne. That's three words against what? A step child? And it's the black panther and the golden jaguar making this statement." Okoye chuckled then sneakily winked at you. You looked at T'Challa.

"Then.. it is settled."

As everyone was dismissed, it was now only her and Erik in the room. She sat down on the steps as he sat next to her. "Ya know ya really did good. Not surprised but thought you should know." he told her looking at her.

"Thank you Erik. I also wanted to say I appreciate you standing up for me." she whispered the last part playing with her fingers. She then looked up at him. Out of all this time they've known each other, he has never seen her been shy or cry. More than showing that she was showing her vulnerability to him.

"It's just- I never had someone stand up for me. I'm always standing up for myself so this feeling is different." she whispered looking him in the eyes. He looked her in the eyes before smiling at her. The damn smile.

"I told you, I got you." he whispered back looking at her. He was most definitely going in for a kiss when her phone ring. Looking at it, she saw that it was Makiah.

"Oh would you look at that." she chuckled. "It was shown that the audio had traces of editing software." she smirked at him as he smacked his teeth.

"I told you." making her chuckle. "Well you're not in the light yet. You still need to put on a public statement about the situation." she said standing up as he looked up at her. "Now, I need to go confront dear father for not coming." she said. He could obviously see the anger in her face but lord did she look sexy while mad. She had her hand out for him to grab to help him up. He stood up, a tad bit close as she was faced with his chest, breathing in his cologne.

Damn he smelled good too..

"A bit close don't you think?" she whispered looking up at him.

"I don't see you moving." he snapped back at her, moving even closer closing any room the two had between them.

"Maybe I don't want to move."

"Maybe I want to be close to you." he said placing his hands on her the sides of her face softly as he traced her lips with his thumb. She bit her lip in anticipation. That was all he needed to make the first move.

He leaned in placing his lips on hers, with her gladly accepting his advances. She grabbed the bottom of his shirt bringing him even closer as the kiss became heavier. His arms dropped from her face as he kneeled down, still kissing, and wrapping his arms around her thighs and lifting her up into the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and a hand through his locs as he moaned into the kissed.

"Ahem." They heard someone clear their throat in the door way. There T'Challa

"Well, I owe Shuri and mom two hundred bucks."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I need everyone in the council room." Imani stated as she walked into the living quarters to see the three of them in there.

"For what?"

"We have some visitors."

"I hope you seen the conference set up in New York." Oshana claimed standing up as Imani nodded.

"I have." she said looking directly at her.

"It seems like the Americans love me." Amarah said with a smirk. She look down with a chuckle.

"Yes, congratulations." she stated as they looked at her weirdly. They were about to chastise her before she looked at her father.

"Prince N'Jadaka, King T'Challa and Queen Mother is here to discuss some exciting news with you guys." she stated looking at them as Oshana looked at my father with a smirk.

"See.. I told you they'll catch a long." she than looked back at Imani. "Don't get your head too full of ego and pride." she walked passed her as the two walked in front of Imani and her father excited about what the conversation may be. Her father looked at her, but she showed no emotion to him at all.

As they walked into the council room, they thought that they would be faced with greetings and hugs, but when they saw the three of them were three angry monarchs and some scary Dora Milaje. Their excited faces were then changed with confused and concerned looks.

"King T'Challa." the both bowed at his presence but her shook his head.

"Please.. take a seat." he pointed at the chairs as they all sat down in front of him. Imani took her seat next to Erik.

"So you may be wondering why we are calling this meeting with just the few of us." he told them leaning back in his chair.

"Well from Imani, you guys had some exciting news to tell us about the vibranium. We thought it was necessary-"

"Is that what you told them?" Ramonda asked with a little laugh as Imani shrugged.

"I had to tell a little white lie or they wouldn't have come." Imani confessed than turned to look at them. "That's not what they are here for." she finished off.

"I don't think you guys understand the magnitude of your actions of going to America and telling them we would be willing to trade vibranium." King T'Challa said, his voice was calm but his deamonr was nothing of it.

"You have not only put your own country in danger, but you have also put Wakanda in danger." Erik said looking at them. The realized how this conversation was going, they ended up going in defense mode.

"We apologize but we only did what we thought was best for both countries and-"

"No you didn't." Imani spoke up as they looked at her. Their face pleaded for her to remain quiet but she was long passed keeping her mouth shut. "Oshana I told you in my fathers office months ago why we shouldn't trade with them, yet you went behind our backs. Father, did I not?" she looked at her father as he looked between the two women.

"Imani did warn her, so did I." he admitted as Ramonda scoffed.

"For the love all ancestors." she sighed rubbing her forehead.

"Not only that, but King Z'Kiri the fact that your daughter had to come plead with us not to take action against this, and you as KING and her Father wasn't there to defend your country not only shows us how you think of her, but the kind of King you are." T'Challa told him as her father looked up.

"And I am forever grateful for that, but you have to understand, my wife and step-daughter knows no better." he stated. "That is why my heir goes to my only blood daughter, the daughter that has been trained since birth to do such." he admitted as Oshana scoffed.

"Excuse me!?"

"We are not here to fix any family issues that you guys may have. We are only here to talk about the mess that two of them have caused." Ramonda stated.

"T'Challa, Imani and I will be visiting the states tomorrow and holding our our conference in Oakland at the Outreach Mission there. We will disregard any of your statements made in New York, and let it be known that Wakanda has no intent on distributing any vibranium in the near future." Erik stated, Imani looked at her father.

"Father, as King, would you like me to also speak on your behalf and recant her statement?" Imani asked as her father sighed.

"I've told you before, I trust your judgement." he said with a whisper as Oshana scoffed.

"You just let that girl walk all over you." she shook her head.

"No, let me say this." Ramonda said as Oshana looked at her, scared for about what she has to say. "Any decision that Imani has made or have been making whether it has to do with your kingdom, or her marriage with N'Jadaka, or anything else for that matter is because she has been heavily influenced. Influenced by those who are wiser and older so when she makes a decision, damn well it is planned to a T." Ramonda stated.

"You doubt her, you're doubting those who are wiser and older."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

@youcanttouchthis1001 @softleosworld @bethy-baby @automaticdragonmugalien @mscarter213 @lynaye1993 @etherealluvrr @xsweetdellzx @ajenae @babbydollaaassignn @forevermoremagcon @babbydollaaassignn @ziayamikaelson @blmcd57110 @kaireads2020 @ts1mp0ne @luvvvjada @cozyashhh @ziirowe @blkmystery @princessmel-1995 @itsophiebby @thiswasnevermylifefromtony @trippyscotch @determinednot2fall @metra873 @ravynnn-12 @meeeeep5 @ts1mp0ne @jordyn-wkndafvr @nccu-rnc @christinabae @kanilive @tthatkidmimi @sourbabynaee @ejs398 @nanii2x @hippieonboard @reneinii @royaler1999

[my-mt-heart]

Welcome back SF, really missed your input.

That's really kind of you to say 🙏 I'm watching this spinoff against better judgment and have a lot of thoughts on it, but I'll try to stick to production topics.

[W]hy giving so many visual cues for Carol?

Like MT and you yourself said, AMC realized (somewhat belatedly) that they can't Carol-ify characters (Maggie in DC/Isabelle in DD) and expect the audience to get excited. The studio knows Carol gets engagement, that's why they keep pushing the character on social media despite the fact that officially, she's not part of TWDU. I believe Melissa/Carol is so conspicuously absent from Nicotero's interviews for related reasons.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't they shove Melissa and Angela aside to make their own spin off?

No, you're right, but each of the people wanting them off the project had their own reasons for it. It's not as simple as "Norman got a big head" from being the most marketed character (although there's an element of that too). There's a lot of people involved and they all had different things to gain from having these two women removed.

So, my guess right now is, it's about the money and someone less with an opinion, so both Greg and Norm have more creative freedom and a couple of spare millions to spend on their vision

AMC spent way more money this way than having Melissa be part of the show from the start, so no, it's not about money and making a TV show isn't a bunch of people compromising on what to do. (More on that a little further down.)

There are many reasons and @jaibhagwan mentioned one of them in a comment to my previous ask, "[W]ho has the most the gain by sabotaging Caryl to make himself look good writing his “love story” spinoff?" Gimple was heavily involved in S11, the development of DD and in part of pre-production, and like I've previously said, he doesn't want competition. (It shouldn't be a competition at all, since a TV show is a collaborative effort and as a viewer I'm capable of liking both Carol and Michonne. Not that the race is between the women, because Gimple doesn't care about either of them.) He wants DD to fail, so he can swoop in to save the franchise with his TOWL show.

Just so no one misunderstands this as a slight and gets upset: Michonne is one of my favorites and I hold Danai in utmost respect. I'm not comparing women or female characters. They bring different things to the franchise and that's a GOOD THING. I want more of that. I also think Clémence is a great actor and apart from the sweeping aerial establishing shots, she's the only enjoyment I'm getting from DD. My issue is with Gimple and Zabel (whose existence as a "fleshie" I can unfortunately confirm to anyone thinking he might be a cardboard cutout), and their no-good storytelling.

@rubberchickeny "They all ring untrue and like he’s trying to manage (badly) the image the media and the public have. He’s contradicting himself, and other information given."

I believe the obfuscation is on purpose and that AMC (by way of Nicotero) is also trying to shift blame for some of their more controversial story decisions.

Everything that happens on a TV show has been approved by the studio responsible for the production. It doesn't matter if you're an egomaniac actor, a spiteful hack of a writer or a burnt-out EP—no one can override the studio. Someone at the studio approved the respec of Daryl back to his S2 self, the choice to deny his found family, the nunbaiting, etc. Every single script goes to the studio for notes and then (eventually) final approval before it's locked. They approve of the episode edit; if they don't like it, it gets reedited to their specifications.

There's a method to the madness in everything Nicotero has been saying.

@kryptoniancape "So he blatantly lied about having no creative control in that hit piece?"

Yes 🤷‍♀️ and you're right, it's a hit piece. The question is why. Why do AMC and Greg Nicotero want you to think that everything that's wrong about this show is Norman's fault? I'm not saying he doesn't bear any responsibility, but this isn't a one-man standup comedy special on HBO. If he made demands AMC didn't want to meet, they could have pulled the plug on those delusions at any point.

SF

“I’m watching this spinoff against better judgment”

Translation: MT is making me watch so I can answer her long list of questions she sent me.

I guess my concern about a possible smear campaign is…are they expecting more backlash later on? If so, I’m terrified to find out what that is. I’m getting so many asks from people wondering why they should hope for a better story in S2, and even though I do think we can put some of our faith in Melissa, it’s still a valid question. Because they should be doing everything to rebuild our trust that was lost the day they announced the Caryl spinoff was canceled, but instead they’re preparing for things to get worse?

Again, all I want (as a fan and as another woman in the industry) is to feel reassured that Melissa’s getting everything a leading lady deserves and that Daryl and Carol are getting the story they deserve.

Fwiw: If Danai was the showrunner on her spinoff, I would’ve been SEATED for that. If Melissa got to showrun or direct, I’d be seated for that too. TWDU needs more women and poc making creative decisions.

[dramatisperscnae]

"i know there's been a lot between us, kyle, but i want you to know i'm... thankful," it's hard to be honest in a place like the one hal's actions put him, but he has to be. kyle held the torch for them all when he nearly snuffed the green lanterns out. hell, if the kid didn't want to look at his face ever again after meeting him as parallax, he'd understand, but here they are, sharing a rare moment of peace.

maybe it's the rare opportunity of sharing a moment at warriors without guy or john watching. maybe it's the alcohol talking already (he shouldn't drink, anyway, but recommendations are not something he follows through often), but he thinks kyle deserves a little honesty.

"i know you think you weren't chosen but even if you weren't, you were better than any expectations anyone could have. doing all you did, with no training? kilowog would've been out of his mind." he chuckles at the rim of his pitcher. "and hey, i know that means little considering i was the one who put you in that spot first thing, but... i mean it. you are one of the best of us."

Kyle really hadn't known what to expect when Hal had invited him out. They hadn't really had much interaction since Hal's return, and the only meetings they'd had before then had mostly been Hal - well. Parallax. - trying to kick seven kinds of shit out of him. And then had come the Sun-eater, and then Hal had died, and now…well, death somehow had a way of never quite being permanent for the true legends, didn't it?

Not that Kyle included himself among that number despite his own death during that Atlantis fiasco, but that was neither here nor there.

But he couldn't deny it was nice to actually talk with Hal Jordan himself for once, without the added weight of Guy and John in the conversation. It wasn't that Kyle didn't like being a part of the group - far from it - but get all four of them together and Kyle tended to feel kind of like D'artagnan to the others' Three Musketeers; a part of the group, absolutely, but still somehow on the outskirts, without the deeper bond the other three had.

He sipped at his beer, the conversation reaching a natural lull for a moment before Hal spoke up again and had Kyle looking up in mild confusion. Thankful…? What, just in general or for something specific? And where had it come from all of a sudden? They'd been just shooting the shit, catching each other up on the more mundane aspects of their respective lives - what few those were - and suddenly this?

But Hal didn't stop there. Kyle stared at him, brain trying to catch up with what he was hearing. No one else had really ever acknowledged the fact that Kyle had never gotten the same training as the others…hell, he'd never even heard the oath until Donna had introduced him to John, and he sure as hell hadn't known the legacy he carried. He'd done his best, of course, but there had been - still were - days where it just didn't feel like enough.

And then Hal had to go and finish like that. Kyle couldn't help the wry, almost disbelieving chuckle as he focused on his beer rather than the man across from him. It was one thing for Kyle's own ego to occasionally talk like that, but to hear it from Hal Jordan? The legend himself? That was something else. Especially since Hal still seemed to think Kyle really had been chosen.

"I wasn't chosen, y'know," he said with a shrug. "It could've been anyone in that alley that night. Could've been the homeless guy. Happened to be me. 'You shall have to do', exactly what he said before he shoved the ring at me and disappeared." And then, a scant few months later, he'd had to fight to keep the damned thing when both Ganthet and Hal had showed up to take it back and claim it personally, respecively. No, Kyle Rayner hadn't been chosen. He had chosen. He'd fought for his right to wear the ring.

"But that…it means a lot, actually, coming from you," he added with a crooked grin. "More than you think. I mean, all that bullshit aside, you're still Hal Jordan, y'know? The living legend, that whole thing?" Supposedly the best Green Lantern ever, depending on who you asked. "When he gave me the ring, Ganthet's only instructions were to 'do what I must'." Kyle shrugged. "So I did. Learned a lot of lessons the hard way, but…I'm still here, so I've gotta be doing something right, yeah?"

[death-by-daylight123]

Killers Reaction to a Praying Survivor

Had this idea because I've been playing and that one luck add on where the girl has her hands in prayer...so I was wondering what if a new survivor who didn't really know how the trials were run and that people don't actually die was caught by a killer praying at the side of a moried survivor.

Plague

When she saw you praying something snapped, not in her head, in her heart. Not necessarily guilt, but sorrow.

Well until she remembered that she was killing for her gods.

Sees you kneeling down and gives you a minute to finish your prayer or just leaves you alone.

She has respect for other people who practice their faith,even in trial will let you go if she got more than 1 kill.

But if she knows your faking it ...let's just say you'll have a bad time.

Spirt

Like Plague she still has respec- SIKE

She's too angry and filled with rage to care.

But on the off chance that she is not blinded by her rage, I think that she would let you finish your prayer and give you a 10 second head start then chance you down and brutally murder you.

DeathSlinger

I feel like he'd let you say your prayers but the second you were done get speared gunned- if you were Bayshore.

But I think he'd let you be unless he absolutely needed to get on with the trial and kill more people.

He might even join you if it was someone worthy of respect in his eyes.

Definitely would take off his hat while you pray.

Michael Myers/ the Shape

Must I say

No absolutely not,picks you up by the neck and slams you on the closest hook to the body.

Bonus in his eyes if it overlooks the body so you stare at it while incapacitated.

But if for some reason can't get near you fast enough uses you to charge up his stalk so he can kill you.

This man cares for no one.

The Pig

Will hesitate a little not a whole lot ,but enough to make a decision of weather to let you go or not.

Might have some respect because your doing a decent thing.

Would like to play a game with you after the trail to see how strong you conviction was.

Legion

Frank and Julie would be rude. Change my mind.

Would be like ",your praying to the wrong one." Or something mean.

Wouldn't wait for a second to chase you down and kill you.

Then after the trail laugh about it.

Joey would wait for you to finish but not for you to get up. And if you manage to would chase you down.

He would at least wait. Might think it's ironic that someone is praying here. But otherwise wouldn't think much of it.

Susie would wait for you to finish,might even hold your hand or put her hand on your head while you pray.

Would help you up then try to leave you if she could.

Ghostface

Would gather stalk untill 99% then get closer to take a picture.

A new survivor?! Praying next to his handy work?! It's not my birthday is it??????

Would chuckle a little, what's the point they'll come back.

Takes off his mask and kneel next to you, and when you look up would bury the knife deep in your back.

Entity ( just watching you)

At first thought the prayer was for them,but then remembered that you wouldn't know about them.

Little interested nonetheless

Perhaps they could somehow use you in a way,morale,hope,power.

The possibilitys are endless.

But still, it would be dangerous to have a Devine being here so it will continue to keep an eye on you.

Would make something to mock you in a way

[sbrn10]

Post-weekend thoughts: 24/01/02 edition

1. I am back at work. This is the worst.

2. However, it's pretty slow today so at least it's not the worst. I am thus on tumblr on the company dime.

3. Bought myself a Legion Go as a self Christmas present: I can now play AAA PC games away from my desktop (for about 1.5 hours at a time if not near a power outlet, admittedly, but still!) which really means mostly on the bus to and from work, but given that this is roughly a 1.5 hour trip each way it works out fantastically. Also, since I have a trip to NY coming up next month I will take this instead of my laptop and it will be the best of all worlds! Yay capitalism.

General thoughts: It is pretty heavy - playing it in bed or on the go is a significantly less comfortable experience than something like the Switch. However, the screen is gorgeous and it plays the games I want to play on PC, so. Worth it.

The controllers are a little weirdly sized and shaped for my hands, but not terrible. Would say I prefer them over the Switch joycons but obviously normal Xbox controllers or DualSenses are superior if you have the choice.

The vertical mouse mode I do not think I would use for FPS games, tbh, but for general desktop use or less performance sensitive games that don't have good controller support it's actually pretty good.

So far enjoying it; ask me again in like 6 months.

4. Signed up for a month of gamepass (which I should have done AFTER I bought the Legion Go because it comes with a complimentary 3 month pass, but alas, planning was never my strong suit. The pass is claimable until some point in 2025 though so I can use it later.) and am going through a bunch of games I wanted to try but did not get around to:

5. Starfield: Finished with about 50-60ish hours.

The beginning is rough -- just the worst hook into one of these that I've seen in a while, mostly in the sense that the main plot surrounding the Artifacts is dogshit boring and the missions for the main plot are ALSO dogshit boring (the temples are fucking terrible and a waste of time).

The rest of the game also feels... mediocre in basically all respects. Like, not bad. Just mid. Nothing feels very new and everything that exists feels so... paint by the numbers. Like, here's a planet whose surface looks procedurally generated (I don't know whether it is or not, but it looks that way) -- it doesn't look bad, but it doesn't look all that good either. Here's some RPG skill progression, except there's no way to respec your character (it's fucking 2023, Bethesda, what the fuck?) and every suboptimal choice you made early on (because you didn't know what the fuck you were doing) makes you feel incredibly annoyed at the game. In particular, character is nonexistent -- all your companions feel incredibly boring, and I fucking married Sarah just to see what the romance was like. Like, coming off of BG3 this year (which, tbh, is also not the strongest cast of characters, compared to, e.g., the heights of golden age Bioware, but still very obviously has had a lot of love and care poured into the character writing) into Starfield is just... tragic. I think I spent the first like 5-10 hours mostly thinking "wow, I am so glad I did not pay for this game."

Sidenote: I did not touch the outpost or crafting stuff because guess what I didn't pick those skills in the skill tree :) But also remembering Fallout 4's base building part, none of that seemed particularly engaging. I built one outpost that was a couple buildings just to see what it was like and the building UI was so fiddly that I immediately quit that and never touched it again.

However, the UC Vanguard quest was actually really interesting (highly recommend beelining for this tbh) and once I got a little invested in that the rest of the major faction quests (Freestar Collective, Ryujin, and Crimson Fleet) were all interesting enough that I did not quit after 10 hours and did in fact finish the game.

tldr: 6.5/10, would not recommend unless you also have gamepass and are bored. That said, I did play like 50 hours of it, so. Make of that what you will.

6. Hi-Fi Rush:

I'm actually very bad at these type of combo brawlers (mostly because getting the muscle memory down for the combo variety just takes forever and I always default to using only a handful of moves, which makes me feel bad :( ) but enjoying the presentation and music a lot. It is the most anime, in the best sense.

Also, voice cast. Robbie keeps throwing me for a loop like, hey, I know that guy. Damn you, Critical Role, you have ruined games for me! (Shoutout: Aabria as a background NPC in Starfield - you were a highlight of the entire game, baby.)

Kind of bummed that I started this on gamepass honestly - I should've just paid for it on Steam so I could keep my stats and achievements and stuff. I mean, I COULD buy it on Xbox Windows but that app is garbage 🙃

Yet to finish - but 9/10 would definitely recommend.

7. (Not gamepass but from my winter steam sale haul -- yes, I spend too much money on games) Griftlands:

Klei does not miss. Very solid 10-ish hour game with really good character writing (hi, Bethesda, please take notes). I have beaten all three characters, with only two failed runs on normal difficulty so it's, you know, a decent challenge but nothing too difficult. Still going through and trying out other builds and choices. That said, I'm not usually a deckbuilder player so I couldn't tell you how it stacks up against other deckbuilders.

8.5/10, would definitely recommend on sale.

8. My general next to-play list:

On Gamepass so higher priority during my one month:

Pentiment

The Lamplighter's League

Against the Storm

Slay the Spire

Jusant

Cocoon

Like a Dragon Gaiden

Steam backlog (including things I bought like three years ago and still haven't played/finished...):

Life is Strange 2

Marvel's Midnight Suns

Tales of Berseria

Great Ace Attorney Chronicles

9. As you can tell, I did not do much of anything that was not gaming in the liminal period that is the last week of December. I had a brief thought that maybe I would write something about Laudna and Ashton and what the fuck is up with them during the 3 week BH break, but no, creative brain is out, mindless consumption brain is in! My god, there are so many games these days. I haven't even played Diablo 4, FF16, Alan Wake 2, Super Mario Bros Wonder or Spiderman 2 yet -- admittedly, I am unlikely to ever play Diablo 4 or Alan Wake 2 (I did not finish Alan Wake 1 -- at one point they turned off the lights and I put down my controller and said nope!) but I do theoretically want to get around to the others! Even FF16 which people have also said is mid, I still want to see its midness for myself! Yes, these are very first world problems.

10. Do I plan to do anything that is not gaming through any part of January? Debatable. Such is my life these days.

11. Anyway, happy new year to everyone. Hopefully 2024 is less miserable for the world in general.

P.S. Tumblr rich text editor's treatment of unordered lists and ordered lists is so fucking stupid.

[superhaught]

The post I just reblogged made me think more about how my two Tavs think about Shadowheart’s faith and so I wanted to write a little thing.

Walker, with all due respect, is dumb in terms of bookish things. Coming into BG3 he knows absolutely nothing about Shar, Shar followers or the strife between Shar and Selune. The only frame of reference he has is that one time he heard that Shar followers are scary and evil.

So this means that he takes Shadowheart at her word on everything. He implicitly believes her from day 1 when she talks about her beliefs and he does not notice the discrepancy between her attitude and Sharran tenants. The only thing that makes him go “huh” is when she talks about the perfect eternal darkness but he just kind of goes, “okay maybe we can work on the nihilism thing.”

At some point after this, Walker breaks his paladin oath. I’m still trying to reconcile when/how/why he breaks his oath because the canon event that broke his oath is stupid to me but that’s another post.

It’s not until act 2 when Walker starts seeing what actual Shar shit outside of Shadowheart looks like that he goes “wait a minute.”

My boy interacts with Malus Thorm and gets really testy about it. He convinces the fucker to off himself and then marches straight over to Shadowheart and goes “this is your shit?!” And she’s like “Well…”

Then he actually starts reading the books he’s picked up along the way and starts talking with Shadowheart about it more and more (much to her irritation) and works on gently poking holes in her logic. Not necessarily with the intention of turning her away from Shar because he still very much wants to support her dreams but he does go “okay but do you see how what you’re saying and what Shar says about that are different?” And then her wound flares up and he goes “See?!” And she scowls at him and walks away to brood.

(At some point in the middle of this Withers is like “you have a bosom-companion” and on the outside Walker is like “it’s not about the flesh it’s about companionship” but on the inside he’s like “GOD IF ONLY IT WERE THAT SIMPLE SKELETON”)

Perhaps in not his proudest moment he refers to her wound as a “shock collar” and they get into quite the fight and this is right before or during the gauntlet stuff so there’s a lot of angst between them that whole time. But at this point he knows that she has doubts and he knows that the things she says and does are NOT Sharran so, he trusts her to make the right choice when it comes down to it.

Walker has been in love with her since the beginning but when she makes that speech after the Nightsong stuff it finally becomes really real and then there’s no separating them.

If I was playing at a table I would respec him into oath of devotion at this point where his devotion is TO SHADOWHEART but I’m not gonna do that in BG3.

Atlas on the other hand, is very smart about all things religion in Faerun and he sees through Shadowheart RIGHT AWAY.

In my mind, the brain damage induced amnesia mostly affects Atlas’ memories about himself and not necessarily his knowledge about the world. He wakes up on the Nautiloid and is like “okay interesting I’m a cleric and I’m wearing a necklace with the symbol of Selune on it, obviously I’m a Selunite, perfect, I know what that is.”

Then he meets Shadowheart and is like “you may look like a Sharran but there is no fucking way that you’re actually a Sharran because you are literally a walking beam of moonlight.”

Atlas knows as soon as Shadowheart reveals her memory to him that she was most likely a Selunite child who was stolen by Sharrans but instead of breaking her mind with that information in the Goblin Camp he also just starts to confront her logic over time.

When Atlas kills Alfira he has a breakdown and BEGS Shadowheart to kill him. She obviously says “no” and then after he calms down more he takes the opportunity to be a little shit for two seconds and points out how her Sharran ass could’ve killed a Selunite and didn’t, and how a Selunite has decided to trust this so called Sharran, and she’s like “hey why don’t you shut the fuck up.”

So anyways their act 2 is less relationship angst and more internal crises that only serve to bring them closer together. Shadowheart is just going “shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck” the entirety of act 2 and Atlas is going “I AM NOT GOING TO KILL ISOBEL YOU LITTLE SCROTUM”

Atlas and Shadowheart start to see each other as their way out of their respective traps.

And THEN the aforementioned scrotum tells atlas that “every man kills the thing he loves” and atlas’ worst fear (harming shadowheart) starts to become a reality and he is very much considering falling on his sword (even though he knows by now that he maybe can’t die as the evidence of his many fatalities are literally written all over his body) but then she takes CARE of him and HOLDS him while he sobs and from that moment on they are entirely devoted to each other.

Anyways this was fun I love my Tavs they are my baby boys.

Thank god for BG3 giving me the ability to lose my mind over my OCs since I’m the forever DM in my life.

[sharksa-shivers]

Speaking of shadowdemons, uhhh, Edgy Max...Cuz yeahhhhh

(Max manages to knock a rando shadowdemon to the ground and aims his gun directly at their face as the shadowdemon sits on the floor, weaponless…)

Shadowdemon:(trying to fuck with Max, smirking)You don't have the balls to pull the trigger.

Max:(hatefilled glare)You're right, i instead have the balls to literally get my lighter out and set you and all your other cult friends on fire…

Shadowdemon:(kinda taken back a bit by that response, a bit of respect for the mortal threatening him)…….Damn, well then…Not often i come across a mortal that has guts like that…Respec-

Max:(bored and pissed off, he doesn't wait for him to finish and promptly shoots him, temp killing him, Kristy looking over from the distance, annoyed)What? He was boring me. Sides, i don't need respect from pieces of shit like this. I want their fear instead…(walking away from the temp shadowdemon corpse)He's lucky i can't burn him in here otherwise i fully fucking would…Cunt…

Kristy:(nervous by Max's attitude)We…Really need to work on your anger issues Max, jesus… ------ (Idk full context really, Uhhhh, Max talking with a diff demon fighter, idfk who, probs at one of those gatherings demon fighters do, no idea)

Demon Fighter:(curious, questioning)Soooooo what's your goal at the end of all this?

Max:(sipping on a soda, thinks for a moment)…My goal…….Ummmm…(responds, smirks after a moment)I think my goal at the end of my life is to have the shadowcult be so fucking scared of me that they're terrified of going to hell because i'm gonna be there hehe…

Demon Fighter:(just stares, conflicted)……..You really are just like…crazy aren't you?

Max:(amused)Damn straight, and proud as fuck of it too! ------ Have i mentioned Max really fucking hates shadowdemons? Cuz he REALLY REALLY REALLY GODDAMN HATES shadowdemons...

[brooklynislandgirl]

@alwaysxinxtrouble {{xx - the open Steve Rogers starter}}

Beth isn't stupid, she knows just exactly what that breath cost him to take. While the serum in his blood would keep him functioning, even he can bleed out if he's not careful, waiting for the wound to heal up on its own. And with them on the trail of certain bad guys, later is no guarantee. But such is the life of a SHIELD agent. "With all due respec', sir?" And there is respect laced through the husky warmth of her voice. "You do technically outrank me, but I've got my orders from my boss." Beth takes no orders from anyone but Phil, and even then, sometimes she countermands them as she sees fit. She closes the distance between them and maybe it's a sign that he is as bad off as he looks before she presses a bare hand against the raw wound. Warmth like a bathtub should fill him and the more it flows through him, the more the wound should numb. A soft ghost of a glow seems to enshroud that hand and indeed his side. He's seen dictators, cults, aliens, and science so advanced it's nothing short of miraculous. He is the result of one of those very experiments. A little magick, then, shouldn't draw a batted eyelash. Beneath that gentle pressure, his flesh begins to re-knit itself and his blood begins to regenerate. "And just to be clear? You are my mission."

[livinlavidavili]

Since I’m all curled up anyway, I decide to take a nap against his chest, Ruhn sleeping soundly surrounded by both of his parents as well.

After it’s been quiet for awhile, Padmé decides to try some conversation.

“What’s it like, being a father?” She looks over. “Everything you ever hoped for?”

Anakin nods. “Everything and more. It’s… perfect.”

“But surely it must be tiring.”

“I mean- sometimes, sure. But it’s worth it. Bringing life into the galaxy and nurturing it into a life and individual that’s… going to be twice the man I’ll ever be…” he shrugs. “It’s well worth it.”

“And… does it not take intimate time away from you and Lili?” She tries. “Surely she must be preoccupied with the baby. Too occupied to satisfy your primal desires.” Her eyes wander his figure.

“My wife does just fine,” Anakin hums. “At the end of each day we sleep in the same bed and we love on each other just as much as the day we got together. Did it last night, even. We’re in a happy place.”

Padmé blinks. “Last night- in my penthouse?”

“Mhm.”

“You could have- alerted me of such desires-”

“For what purpose, Padmé?” He frowns at her. “My wife was right there. It will always be my wife.”

“But your fantasies-”

“Will always. Be. With my wife.” He says again, slowly. “Nothing has ever or will ever change that. It is always her. Nobody can beat her for me. I know this isn’t exactly in your nature, but back off. Let go of some of that confidence for once. Nothing you say or do can change my mind. I am a married man, and I am a father. And at the very least, I am a respectable person. I, unfortunately and maybe selfishly, can’t say I think the same about you.”

Padmé rears back. “That’s highly offensive. Of course I’m a respec-”

“Of course you are,” Anakin nods, facing forward again. “You just sat next to a married man six years younger than you and asked him to fuck you instead while he holds his entire purpose for living in his arms.” He looks down at you and Ruhn. “Our conversation is over, Senator Amidala. It wasn’t even interesting to begin with.”

Padmé blinks once, twice, then looks away, gulping back the sudden rush of emotions that talk just gave her.

Never in her life has she faced such a blunt rejection.

She hates it. She hates you. He was hers- didn’t everyone know that?

[baddywronglegs]

The two Inquisitors I'm most excited to bring into Veilguard are respectively a greatweapon fighter (as OP said, respec to sword and shield probably best approach for her, or just a one-handed sword and forgo the shield, or stubbornly stick to what should be a two-handed sword and fight like a Dark Souls boss) and an archer; while competition target archery with a shoulder-drawn or mouth-drawn bow is a thing, it's also very much a target archery thing - it doesn't lend itself to a rogue darting around the battlefield and shooting quickly. With the bow in your right hand (the Inquisitor shot with the bow in their left before Trespasser so that in itself is some re-learning), you don't have a free hand to draw the arrow, making getting the arrow nocked is now a far slower process, which doesn't matter when you have all the time in the world to set up and take a shot at a static target but becomes less practical when the target is a charging Genlock.

There are archers who use forearm prostheses to hold the bow - at a cursory look these are far less common (again, in target archery) than mouth release or a forearm prosthesis which draws the bow.

Crossbow seems likely for both the reasons in OP's post and an image in the Trespasser epilogue if you're good friends with Sera, showing a forearm prosthesis with a small crossbow on it - this is almost certainly made by Dagna, as Sera and Dagna are together if you don't romance Sera and I don't think you romancing Sera would stop them getting on like a house on fire. This leaves the Inquisitor's right hand free to nock the bolt and draw the bow, and probably also trigger it as that's more reliable than a release mechanism that uses just the amputated arm or relies on any precise positioning, like using an elbow flex or the muscles in the forearm or anything else that you'll be far less precise with in the heat of battle.

I'm begging dragonage fans to do a tiny bit of research about arm amputees before loudly shouting their opinions on the inquisitor returning in the next game Please lol.

Apparently, it was confirmed that the inquisitor, your chatacter from the last game (who looses their arm in the final cutscene of the DLC), will return in Veilguard as a customisable character, similar to Hawke, and they will play an active roll in the story. This has caused a lot of people to start speculating on how they'll handle the inquisitor's missing hand, with most people agreeing they'll have to have a prosthetic to be an active part of the story. Which, while I do think this is the rought bioware will take, isn't true, and a part of me really hopes they leave the inquisitor without a prosthetic arm like in the end of Tresspasser

Partially because we already have a companion with a prosthetic (neve) and it would be nice to see some diversity in how amputation is depicted in such a mainstream game, but also because you dont need a prosthetic to fight as any of the main 3 classes from inquisition.

Mage:

mages just need a staff, the game shows them as 2 handed weapons but it's totally beleiveable that it would be usable 1-handed (Neve also uses a dagger-like weapon in the trailer, you can make a "staff" in inquisition that functions more like an energy sword, and the Mage in the chargers uses a staff resembling a bow, so I think it's more that they just need a focus, the shape doesn't matter as much). A knight enchanter may struggle more 1 handed, but I wouldn't write it off as an option with some modifications made to their main staff.

Warrior:

the easiest to justify, because there are several cases of arm amputees fighting with a sword and sheild in history, and while many did have prosthetics, most weren't functional (meaning they were mainly for aesthetic purposes and didn't actually aid the fighter in any way. There were exceptions, like Götz of the iron hand, who's prosthetic was functional, but most were not). The inquisitor looses their arm just above the wrist, so they still have most of their forearm. Most sheilds strap to the forearm, so it wouldn't take much adjustment to make that work, and you can use the other hand for the weapon. Obviously, two-handed weapons will probably be off the table, though, lol.

Rogue

this is the one people tend to be the loudest about and the one I understand the most. Obviously duel-weilding daggers won't work (unless you give them something like the hidden blades in assassin's creed on their stump side, I guess) but using a single dagger still would, and is a perfectly reasonable approach, given that's how most irl people used daggers. Archery, though, absolutely can work without a prosthetic, despite what people think. Dragonage has crossbows, not something like Bianca (rip) but a small, single-handed crossbow is an option. Even ignoring that though, amputee archery is a thing irl, and not every arm amputee uses prosthetics for it. The bows are modified to be held in one hand and drawn with the mouth using a kind of pully-system built into the bow that I could very easily see being modified into some dwarven-style contraption in game (some double arm amputees use their feet to draw regular bows, but I don't think that would be pheasable in combat).

Like I said, I think bioware will probably go with a prosthetic, but i hope that they don't. Or at the very least, show them with it sometimes and without it other times (the same goes for Neve, no one wears their prosthetic 24/7, I'd love to see them both take them off around the home base, even just occasionally). A lot of arm amputees in particular prefer to go without one, and arm prosthetics in media are some of the worst offenders of the "perfect prosthetic"/"miracle cure prosthetic" tropes. It doesn't count as "diversity" or disability representation if it doesn't actually change anything other than the look of the chatacter, and im really, really desperate for some actually decent amputee representation in games.

[maritaljoy]

Building trust in relationships as a woman

Trust is the bedrock of successful relationships, and relationship advice for women often centers around nurturing and maintaining it. In this discussion, we explore the essential principles of building trust, empowering women to foster lasting and fulfilling connections.

The importance of trust in relationships

Trust is the foundation of any strong and healthy relationship. Whether it's a romantic partnership, a friendship, or a professional connection, trust plays a vital role in establishing and maintaining a solid bond between individuals. When it comes to relationships, particularly for women seeking advice, understanding the importance of trust is crucial for building lasting and fulfilling connections.

Trust acts as a pillar that supports open communication, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy. It creates a sense of safety and security, allowing individuals to be their authentic selves without fear of judgment or betrayal. When both parties trust each other, they can freely express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, leading to a deeper level of understanding and empathy.

Furthermore, trust provides a sense of reliability and dependability. When someone has trust in their partner, friend, or colleague, they have confidence that the other person will follow through on their commitments, keep their promises, and act with integrity. This reliability fosters a sense of reliability and encourages mutual support and teamwork in various aspects of life.

In relationships, trust also helps to foster a strong emotional connection. When individuals feel trusted, they are more likely to reciprocate that trust, leading to a mutually beneficial and supportive bond. Trust allows partners to lean on each other during difficult times, share their vulnerabilities, and rely on one another for emotional support and guidance.

Building trust in relationships requires time, consistency, and open communication. It involves being honest and transparent with one another, addressing conflicts or concerns promptly, and demonstrating reliability and accountability. Trust is not built overnight but is nurtured through shared experiences, mutual respect, and a genuine commitment to the relationship.

For women seeking relationship advice, it is important to prioritize trust when evaluating potential partners or navigating existing relationships. Look for individuals who demonstrate honesty, consistency, and respect. Communicate openly about your expectations and boundaries, and be willing to listen and understand your partner's perspective as well.

Remember, trust is a two-way street. It requires effort and commitment from both parties to establish and maintain. By prioritizing trust in your relationships, you can cultivate deeper connections, foster emotional intimacy, and create a solid foundation for a fulfilling and lasting partnership.

Ways to build trust in relationships as a woman

Building trust is an essential foundation for any successful relationship, and as a woman, there are specific approaches that can help foster trust in your personal and professional relationships. Here are some valuable tips and relationship advice for women on how to build trust:

1. Open and Honest Communication

Effective communication is key to establishing trust in any relationship. Be open, transparent, and honest in your interactions. Express your thoughts, feelings, and expectations clearly, and actively listen to others to create a safe space for open dialogue.

2. Consistency in Actions

Consistency is vital when it comes to building trust. Ensure that your words align with your actions. Be reliable, follow through on commitments, and be accountable for your responsibilities. Consistent behavior will demonstrate your integrity and reliability.

3. Boundaries and Respect

Establishing and respecting personal boundaries is crucial in building trust. Clearly communicate your boundaries and actively listen to and respect the boundaries of others. Show empathy and understanding, and refrain from crossing established limits.

4. Reliability and Dependability

Being reliable and dependable is an important aspect of trust-building. Show up for others when you say you will, be punctual, and fulfill your promises. Consistently demonstrating your reliability will strengthen trust in your relationships.

5. Trust Yourself

Building trust starts with trusting yourself. Believe in your abilities, intuition, and judgment. When you trust yourself, others will find it easier to trust you as well.

6. Avoid Gossip and Rumors

Engaging in gossip or spreading rumors can erode trust in relationships. Refrain from participating in such behavior and instead focus on positive and constructive communication.

7. Vulnerability and Emotional Support

Being vulnerable and providing emotional support to others can create deep connections and build trust. Share your emotions, be empathetic, and offer a listening ear when needed. Allow others to be vulnerable with you without judgment.

8. Trust-building Activities

Engage in trust-building activities with your loved ones or colleagues. This could include team-building exercises, trust falls, or other activities that require relying on one another. These activities can help foster trust and enhance relationships.

9. Forgive and Apologize

Mistakes happen in every relationship. Be willing to forgive and apologize when you make a mistake, and accept apologies from others. Forgiveness and apologies show humility and a commitment to growth, strengthening trust in the process.

10. Be Patient

Building trust takes time and patience. Recognize that trust is built through consistent actions and experiences. Allow the trust-building process to unfold naturally and be patient with yourself and others.

By following these relationship advice for women, you can cultivate trust in your relationships and create a solid foundation for long-lasting connections, both personally and professionally.

Effective communication strategies for building trust

Effective communication is essential for building trust in any relationship, and it plays a particularly vital role in fostering healthy connections between women. Developing strong communication strategies can help women navigate various aspects of their relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or professional.

One key aspect of effective communication is active listening. This involves giving your full attention to the person speaking and showing genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. By actively listening, you demonstrate that you value their perspective and create a safe space for open dialogue and understanding.

Another crucial communication strategy is assertiveness. Women often face challenges in expressing their needs, opinions, and boundaries. Assertiveness allows you to communicate your thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully, empowering you to set healthy boundaries and maintain your individuality within relationships.

In addition to active listening and assertiveness, non-verbal communication also plays a significant role in building trust. Paying attention to your body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice can help convey sincerity, empathy, and understanding. Being mindful of these non-verbal cues can enhance the effectiveness of your communication and foster stronger connections with others.

Moreover, effective communication involves being open and honest. Transparency builds trust by creating an environment of authenticity and vulnerability. Sharing your thoughts, emotions, and experiences openly encourages others to reciprocate and fosters deeper emotional connections.

Lastly, practicing empathy is vital in effective communication. Empathy allows you to understand and share the feelings of others, enabling you to respond with compassion and support. By putting yourself in someone else's shoes, you can navigate conflicts more constructively and strengthen your relationships.

By implementing these effective communication strategies, women can cultivate trust, strengthen their relationships, and navigate challenges more effectively. If you're seeking more relationship advice tailored specifically to women, consider visiting this website for valuable insights and resources.

In conclusion, relationship advice for women underscores the pivotal role of trust in successful relationships. By embracing these insights, women can establish and fortify trust, ensuring resilient and deeply satisfying partnerships.

[jaymber]

Re: your Baldurs gate question

That’s Withers! he can be recruited and chills in your camp and allows for character respecs

Oh, Withers is such a good name! No, for real, it's one of my favorite word from the English language 🤣 I love this dude more and more! (And apparently from looking at his tag on here, he's also a bit of a gossipy girly huh 🤭)

Dunno what's this character's respect is all about but good for the protag/mc/whatever-the-dude-you're-playing-is-called I guess!