#RELIGION AND SPIRITUALITY BOOK IDEAS

[deathdetermineslife]

the ULTIMATE f/o infodumping ask game!

(this is gonna be a long one...)

🍓 - disregarding the career your f/o currently has, what other career would they consider going into, if given the chance?

🍒 - if your f/o and you spend a day doing anything, anything at all, what would they do and why?

🍎 - what's your f/o's favorite drink? any drink, alcoholic or non alcoholic!

🍉 - is your f/o religious? what's their opinion on religion or spirituality?

🍑 - is your f/o more comfortable giving or receiving gifts? why? do they have any preferences on gifts they like receiving?

🍊 - if you asked your f/o to peel an orange for you, what would they do?

🥭 - did your f/o have stuffed animals growing up? do they still have stuffed animals? do they have a favorite?

🍍 - if you could change any one thing about your f/os backstory/character, what would you change? why?

🍌 - does your f/o have a vendetta against The Big Light™? what kind of lighting do they prefer?

🍋 - if your f/o could change one thing about themselves, what would they change and why?

🍋‍🟩 - is your f/o superstitious? is there any habits they follow or quirks they have to follow said superstitions? like not opening umbrellas indoors to avoid back luck?

🍈 - does your f/o believe in fate? do they thing everything is preplanned out by the universe or a higher power, or do they think that the idea of fate is bogus? why?

🍏 - if you have any queer headcanons for your f/o, how did they realize they were queer?

🍐 - does your f/o have any nervous ticks or idle quirks they do? like mindlessly tapping on a desk or fiddling with their hair when they're stressed?

🥝 - would your f/o ever let you do their make-up? what does their make-up process look like? is it simple? complex?

🫒 - what kind of hugger is your f/o? do they give good hugs? do they like hugs? do they like receiving hugs?

🫐 - is your f/o more of a writer or an artist? would you say your f/o is more left or right brained?

🍇 - if you and your f/o never met, what do you think your f/o would be doing right now?

🥥 - what hobbies does your f/o have? is there any hobby they would like to get into that they haven't tried out yet? what is it?

🍅 - if your f/o could buy you any gift in the world, whether it exists or not, what would they buy you? or, if they could make you something, what would it be?

🌶️ - does your f/o have any remedies they follow when they get sick? like taking a shot of whiskey to get rid of a fever?

🫚 - is your f/o a picky eater? is there any foods they will not under any circumstances, gun to their head, eat?

🥕 - when your f/o was little, did they dislike vegetables? do they still dislike them?

🧅 - what makes your f/o cry? do they get emotional at sad movies or books? do they only get emotional under very rare circumstances?

🌽 - does your f/o have a favorite animal? what is it? are they scared of any animals?

🥦 - does your f/o have any pet peeves? things that just really really get on their nerves? what are they and why?

🥒 - what's your f/o afraid of? do they have any phobias? anything minor they're scared of?

🥬 - what are some beige flags your f/o has? so, not bad, but not nessecarily good either. just. "oh. you do This."

🫛 - how does your f/o feel about pet names or nicknames? do they like them? hate them? what are their favorites and least favorites to be called and to use?

🫑 - how does your f/o feel about death? are they afraid of it? is there anything specific they'd like to do before they die?

🥑 - is there any niche topics your f/o is interested in? what are they and why do they like them?

🍠 - what are a few of your f/os favorite pastimes or things that they do when they're bored?

🍆 - does your f/o have a favorite scent? why is it their favorite? do they have a least favorite scent?

🧄 - does your f/o have any allergies? food or otherwise?

🥔 - does your f/o have any food dishes they make often? is there any foods you make for your f/o that they enjoy?

🍄‍🟫 - if your f/o could be any mythological species, what would they be? if your f/o is already a mythological species, would they ever want to be human?

I recommend practicing reblog karma ! people love infodumping about their f/os :) I also recommend sending more than one emoji at a time,,, there are Many here...!!!

[uyuforu]

How can you make Money with your 2H Ruler

Picture found on Pinterest ♡︎ Content from @uyuforu

₍^. .^₎⟆ The 2H in Astrology is about our money, and often if we want to know how we can make money, we can check the ruler of this house and where it falls in our chart. Modern & Traditional rulers can be used. Example: 2H Ruler is in Aries, Aries is ruled by Mars, so we are gonna check where in your chart Mars fall.

₍^. .^₎⟆ Rulers:

Aries: Mars Taurus: Venus Gemini: Mercury Cancer: Moon Leo: Sun Virgo: Mercury Libra: Venus Scorpio: Mars & Pluto Sagittarius: Jupiter Capricorn: Saturn Aquarius: Saturn & Uranus Pisces: Jupiter & Neptune

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 1H: Making money with your appearance, making money with your ideas, making money with a certain body part (yeah lol), making money based on products for the body, making money on your own, making money with your own company or business, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 2H: Making money by investing, working hard, creating your own business or company, having money with possessions, making money with your job & career, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 3H: Making money with your mind, with your ideas, with your words, making money with books, music, social medias, making money on the internet, with TV, with your hobby, with your siblings, with your neighbors, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 4H: Making money with your home, family, your mother, with homes, real estate, with femininity, childhood, memories, nostalgia, emotions, a family business, making money with self care, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 5H: Making money with a hobby, making money with friends, having a business with friends, making money with relationships, romance, love, making money with something fun, creative, making money with something about children, making money with self expression, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 6H: Making money from self care, health, making money from helping others, making money by working hard, making money from your job, career, making money with fitness, making money with services, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 7H: Making money with marriage, Spouse giving you money, getting money from marriage, making money with spouse, making money from haters & enemies, making money from contracts, making money from business or business partners, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 8H: Making money with "endings", making money with other's money, making money with investments, making money with services, making money with spirituality, esotericism, making money with intimacy, making money with the physical body, making money with loans, real estate, possessions, assets, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 9H: Making money with knowledge, making money with classes, with tourism, travels, making money with the act of learning, with schools, with languages, making money with cultures, making money with spirituality or religion, making money with grand parents, In-Laws, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 10H: Making money with hard work, making money with your job or career, making money on the long run, making money with your business or company, making money with your father, a masculine figure, making money with masculinity, making money based on your reputation with fame, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 11H: Making money on social medias, with social medias, with internet, on internet, making money with friends, having business or company with friends, online, making money to help others, making money with technologies, etc.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ 2H Ruler in 12H: Making money with spirituality, with Esotericism, making money with religion, making money with foreign things, with the act of "ending", with healing, with self-care, making money with services, making money with hidden knowledge or things, etc.

₍^. .^₎⟆ BOOK A READING

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[starsandsuch]

Rahu through the houses: where do you experience obsession + infatuation?

The house that holds Rahu shows where you have obsessive tendencies in life.

Rahu is the smoky illusion that you’re always trying to grasp but can never obtain.

He is the obsessive pursuit towards a thing.

Rahu in 1H: obsession with self, identity, physical appearance. Insatiable need for recognition and fame. Obsessed with the idea of oneself.

Rahu in 2H: obsession with money and material items. With collecting things. Obsessed with class & status. Insatiable desire for financial gains. Infatuation with food. Obsessive tendencies with food consumption. Obsessed with skincare/makeup. Controlling tendencies.

Rahu in 3H: obsessed with social media. Infatuation with different media forms: writing, painting, magazines. Obsessed with gossip. Obsession towards gaining information. Obsessed with social connections.

Rahu in 4H: obsession with the past. With memories, ideas, and experiences that you once lived. Obsessed with the idea of family. Infatuation with being a mother figure.

Rahu in 5H: obsessed with creative projects. Obsessed with fame. Obsession towards dating. Being infatuated with other people romantically.

Rahu in 6H: obsessed with routine and habits. Being a clean freak. Obsessed with health and healing. Obsessive with work , competitive. Hyper fixation tendencies.

Rahu in 7H: obsessed with partnership. Intense infatuation towards spouse. Insatiable desire for the “perfect relationship”. Obsessive towards social connections.

Rahu in 8H: obsession with the occult. Obsessively researching taboo information. Insatiable sexual desires. Obsession with marriage. With gaining money through spouse. Obsessed with power. Insatiable desire to constantly transform. Obsessed with having control.

Rahu in 9H: obsessed with foreign cultures. Obsessed with religion and spirituality. Insatiable need to gain knowledge. Obsessed with books and literature. Obsession with elevating social status.

Rahu in 10H: obsessed with having high status. Infatuated with the idea of fame. Insatiable desire to be known. Obsessed with career, legacy, public image. Obsessed with the future.

Rahu in 11H: obsessed with desires. Insatiable need to achieve goals and have gains. Obsession with popularity and becoming popular. Obsessed with social networks and the role you have in social dynamics.

Rahu in 12H: obsessed with illusions. Obsession with things that aren’t real. Obsessed with healing and self improvement. Obsession with the spiritual world and things not of this realm. Insatiable desire to “escape”.

Related post: Ketu through the houses: where do you experience detachment + separation?

[thanergetic-hyperlinks]

What does Alecto want?

This is something I thought about while I wrote that post about Gideon's immortality.

When people speak about Alecto the book and Alecto the character, there is often an assumption that Alecto wants revenge for John turning her into a Barbie, and that our main characters want to kill God.

I'm not going to get too much into what I think the endgame might be for Jod (I'll leave it for another day) but I have some observations about Alecto!

First, people think Alecto wants revenge for the initial act of ripping her soul out and stuffing it in a Barbie body. I'm honestly not so sure that's her main concern!

Initially, Alecto's main fear is dying:

This is presumably what frightened her when in pain as Gaia, and what frightened her here, starting her life with John at the end of the world.

Of course, in the middle, there's her actual murder, and how she felt about it:

This fragment is so interesting. Most of this chapter the dialogue is in quotation marks, indicating it's not the memory of John and Alecto but current dialogue between John and Harrowhark.

John tells Harrow what happened. He is the one who asks her if she remembers what Alecto said. She (Harrowhark) said “What else did I say?”. And when Harrow says “I still love you”, Jod remembers that Alecto was also willing to love him despite what he'd done.

But Harrow is left without the answer to one question. “Where did you put the people? Where did they go?”

After this paragraph, she will say there are things she doesn't understand:

Apparently Alecto's memory isn't fully accessible, or she can't know Alecto's thought process, or there's bits of her memory gone for other reasons, whether it's John's intervention (unlikely, given how much incriminating stuff Alecto does remember) or because that's what was most traumatic to her and—unlike John's tale of apocalypse—nobody later reminded her. (Diegetically, of course, Tamsyn is simply saving that reveal for Harrow's arc in Hell.)

In any case: after being told the entire story about being killed and turned into a Barbie, Harrowhark still says “I want to understand why she was angry”. And that's seemingly tied to why John was terrified.

And the text directly relates that to the missing population of the Earth.

There are three things that very nearly make Nona fully recover the memory of who she was. One is when Pyrrha very nearly says her name, and Nona doesn't want to hear it. Later she doesn't seem to be lucid enough to react to Ianthe saying it, but she does react to this final line: Ianthe yelling “John loves Alecto!”. In the meantime, however, there's one more thing that shakes Nona deeply enough she has an actual heart attack:

And it's the sight of the Tower that makes Nona lose the will to live:

She also gets a couple passages where the sight of devils touches some deep, frightening memory. And we are given one last clue:

The River is dead.

We knew as early as HtN that the River is broken in some way. Its waters are described as brackish, salty, dirty, full of ghosts represented as rotting corpses. It doesn't seem to flow anywhere as rivers should. House religion says the dead wait as mad ghosts until John conducts his Second Resurrection. John of course has planted House theology with his idea to conduct “a flood” at some point and start over (“empty is just another word for clean”, etc.), once his revenge is done. He needs souls to not move on, in order to do that. We know through Abigail and Dulcinea that there is another shore, a Beyond that they've managed to exceptionally reach.

Alecto seems upset, above all, by what happened to the River, and that it remains unfixed.

Alecto states that she no longer fears death. She has experienced it (“I died once… no, twice”, and that's before her brief tenure as Nona).

She might be ready to leave John behind and move on, but.

What if she can't move on?

By which I mean: what if she—a Resurrection Beast, intimately acquainted with the spiritual dimension that is the River—what if she knows that she could never cross it as it is now, if she were to die? What if she knows that she would be absorbed by the stoma in the River's current condition, or float around insane forever? What if the sum of all necromantic transgression is that Jod committed ecocide on the afterlife and true death is no longer possible?

What if she needs the River to be healed in order to die?

To conclude, two other tidbits:

1. When Nona, trying not to engage with her Alecto consciousness, briefly considers just giving up and dying, she says:

2. Palamedes speaks of the Beyond (after briefly witnessing Dulcinea as she is there in TUG) right before he describes Paul as an end and a beginning. I don't think this is accidental?

[witchescollection]

in criticism of #witchblr being predominantly beginner guides (of which i am a little guilty), here's a little thread of some more advanced witchcraft ideas i've picked up.

if you can't access any of these links lmk!

please reblog with your own! and add links or book recs if you have any.

the passage of time

learn chronokinesis (x)

different philosophical theories of time (x)

pagan ideas of time (x) and nature's time (x)

the spirituality of time (x)

critical understandings of myth

defining myth (x)

modern constructions of myth (x)

what happened to myth? (x)

modern media myth (x)

modern myths and design (x)

american myth and nationalism (x)

british myth and nationalism (x)

european non-classical myth (x)

criticisms of paganism

*these are a collection of criticisms that i found interesting, and worth reflecting on. contrary to what tumblr thinks, there are negatives for (neo)paganism, and blind spots. being aware of them is useful.

is it giving ancient pagans a bad name? (x)

is it a nature religion? (x)

is it theist? (x)

does it allow space for grooming and sexualisation? (x) *note, original essay is no longer accessible, but i think the comments do a decent job explaining.

is it authentic? (x)

is there a secret global neo-pagan movement? (x) *note, probably not, but this article still offers some interesting criticisms despite being a bit... kooky?

what even is paganism? (x)

[lichtluxx]

A guide to demonolatry

What is demonolatry?

Modern Demonolatry is a polytheistic religion, focusing on the worship and cult of demons, both adepts and students of the Left Hand can adopt it in two ways, one through a more theistic view and another more practical and modern view. Demons are spirits with a great degree of wisdom that the magician can access their energies, the adept can choose to worship them, or just work with the energies by performing ceremonial rituals.

In Demonolatry, we invoke them without trapping them in magic circles - like in goetia - because we are similar to them and like us, they deserve their freedom and autonomy.

As described by S. Connolly on her book: The complete guide of demonolatry: "A DEITY IS COMPOSED OF MATTER. WE WORSHIP (WORK WITH) THIS "MATTER". THROUGH PRAYER, WE GIVE IT FORM AND POSITIVE ENERGY. IN TURN, IT WILL RETURN THE FAVOR."

In other words, we work with and honor demons to discover our true potential as imperfect but divine beings bound to a physical plane of existence. They do not control or harm us, we control ourselves, we remain our own person as we worship them.

WHAT ARE DEMONS?

Demons/daemon = spirit of knowledge and wisdom, a devil in Christian mythology, daemon derives from daimon which means full of wisdom, divine power, the word is of Greek origin. These deities were worshipped in the pre-Christian (pagan) era and religions, many entities of paganism, Roman, Greek, Egyptian pantheons were classified as demons by the Christian church. We can say that these spirits are great teachers, ancient gods.

CATEGORIES OF DEMONOLATRY

First let's understand what demonolatry and demonology mean, just so you don't get confused.

Demonology = the study and cataloging of demons.

Demonololatry = the worship of demons and/or the practice of ritual magic with the help of entities known as demons.

Demonolators = those who practice demonolatry in the form of worship or practice magic.

Theistic Demonolatry: they see demons as real entities, they are gods of the past, ancient gods, they are rulers of the world, like Satan, the whole, the universe.

Modern Demonolatry: In this current, demons are forces of elemental energies that help with spiritual self-knowledge and magical operations. They personify an emotion, an element or an idea. Demonolatry is an individual system, each follower has their beliefs regarding demons, if you work with demons you are a demonolator.

As pointed out before, many entities considered "demons" were ancient gods that were demonized by Christianity, with this image perpetuated for so long that many people still believe that they are, in fact, just demons.

An example of this would be the Canaanite god Baal, whose origins are distorted but also complex. Analysis of archaeological and epigraphic artifacts points to Upper Mesopotamia, associating him with the Gods of "time." Specifically, his origins date back to Aleppo, considered the motherland of the God Hadu. During the Middle and Late Bronze Age, the cult of Hadu expanded throughout the Levant. In Lower Mesopotamia, he was known under the names Haddu, Hadda, Hadad, Addu, and Adad. On the Syro-Palestinian coast, in the middle of the second millennium BCE, Hadu was initially worshiped with the epithet "Baal" (Baal-Hadu). Over time, this epithet replaced the original name, transforming Hadu into the "new" God Baal.

As one can presume, Baal lost his origin and was turned into one of the demons in the Ars Goetia, described as the King of the East, Lord of storm and fertility.

He has a very fascinating origin, but let's get back to the topic we were discussing!

ENNS

Enns are magical invocations designed to summon demonic spirits. No one knows what language the Enns come from - some have said that they were given to us by a demon. They were first considered demonic enns in the late 16th century by the demonolator Alexander Willit. Enns are unique in that they appear in several family grimoires from different geographic locations and always remain the same.

You can chant the enn while you meditate so you and the demon can connect to each other, you can use it as a form of flattery. There's many ways one can use it.

SIGILS OF DEMONS

Sigils are symbols created for a specific magical purpose.

In Demonolatry, sigils are representations of demonic entities. Sigils allow the practitioner to focus on the demonic entity, connect with the demon's energy, and also simply honor the demon. They are tools used to help the practitioner summon a Demonic Entity.

THE NINE DIVINITIES

The nine deities, according to Richard Dukante, are the demons of the fundamental energy of the universe, of existence and balance. These energies are: fire, earth, air, water, positive polarity (health), negative polarity (destruction), life and death. All these energies together form Satan (the Whole), but individually, they are distinct demons.

These demons are:

Fire – Flereous

Earth – Belial

Air – Lucifer

Water – Leviathan

Health – Verrine

Destruction – Amducious

Life – Unsere

Death – Euronymous

HOW TO WORK THEM / TYPES OF OFFERINGS

In Demonolatry, offerings depend on the purpose and the demon you are working with. You can offer blood, as it contains our vital energy, or you can offer sexual fluids, an hour of study about a demon, or the disclosure of their seal and names.

In Demonolatry, the magician does not use a triangle or a circle of protection, because contact with these energies (demons) will not be aggressive or hostile, and there is no need for banishments and threats. Here, the magician and the entity work in partnership. You can light the candle and invite them to come to you, and many times, they will come. Research about them and make a sincere offering as a thank you for their time and for them coming to your ritual.

What's the difference between Satanism and demonolatry?

The word and its derivation “Satanist” appeared for the first time in French and English in the sixteenth century during the European Wars of Religion. In publications from this period, Roman Catholic authors directed it against Protestant Christians, and vice versa, while both applied the epithet to Anabaptists.

Their polemical use of the term did not necessarily mean that they thought their religious counterparts were self-consciously and secretly worshipping the devil — although mutual abuse might occasionally spill over into such allegations, particularly with regard to the Anabaptists — but rather that Roman Catholic veneration for “graven images” or Protestant adherence to “heresy” implied being a fellow traveler on Satan’s bandwagon. In the early nineteenth century, the terms “Satanist” and “Satanism” acquired even broader meanings and came to designate a person or thing with a “Satanic character,” a person or thing inherently evil or wicked.

Only toward the end of the nineteenth century did the word “Satanism” come to hold the significance that it still has, for historians of religion, B-film directors, and the general public alike, namely, as the intentional and explicit worship of Satan. This is not to say that the concepts and practices embodied in this word did not exist prior to that time.

According to Children of Lucifer: The origins of modern religious Satanism - Ruben Van Luikj.

Satanism as we know now is divided into two: theistic Satanism and atheistic Satanism. Let's delve a little into how differente they are now.

Modern Satanism has its roots in the 20th century, with figures such as Anton LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan in 1966, and writer of the Satanic Bible. LaVey also structured his own commandments, which are: I - You shall love and hate with equal intensity.

II - You shall love yourself above all else.

III - You shall love others as they love you.

IV - You shall know yourself.

V - You shall always seek material and spiritual improvement.

VI - You shall not use Satan's name for wrongful purposes.

VII - You shall respect and protect children and animals.

VIII - You shall live every second as if it were your last.

IX - You shall walk your own path but respect the path of others.

X - You shall give your best in everything you do

LaVeyan Satanism, for example, is more of an atheistic philosophy that uses the figure of Satan as a symbol of rebellion, individualism, and skepticism. There is no belief in literal demons or deities. Theistic Satanism, though, involves belief in Satan or demons as real entities and may include worship practices similar to Demonolatry.

In LaVeyan Satanism, practices include symbolic rituals, ritual magic, and the celebration of values such as hedonism and rational selfishness. In Theistic Satanism, practices may include worship, invocations, and offerings to Satan or demons.

Demonolatry involves the worship of demons as deities, and is more devotional and spiritual. LaVeyan Satanism does not believe in literal demons, and focuses more on an atheistic philosophy focused on individualism and skepticism, while Theistic Satanism may involve the belief in Satan or demons as real entities.

What's the difference between Goetia and demonolatry?

Luciferian Goetia is a modern evolution of Solomonic Goetia, adapting ancient practices to a more contemporary philosophy. It emphasizes collaboration and learning from demons, viewing them as spiritual mentors or allies. The approach is more enlightened and less authoritarian, focusing on spiritual growth and self-knowledge. This branch uses rituals, sigils, and invocations, but with an intention of partnership and mutual respect rather than control or domination.

Solomonic Goetia has its roots in ancient texts such as the "Lemegeton" or "The Lesser Key of Solomon". It is a traditional and well-structured practice. It involves the evocation and control of demons through detailed and authoritative rituals. The practitioner seeks to dominate and command these entities to obtain benefits or perform specific tasks. Its practices include the creation of magic circles, the use of sigils and the performance of complex rituals to evoke and control demons. The focus is on controlling and dominating demons to achieve specific goals, such as power, knowledge or the accomplishment of tasks.

Demonolatry = Veneration and worship of demons as deities.

Luciferian Goetia = Collaboration and learning with demons as mentors.

Solomonic Goetia = Control and domination of demons to obtain benefits.

Each of these practices offers a unique path for those seeking to interact with demonic entities, but with different philosophies, methods, and goals.

A/n: there was so much info i could write about, but i think this went really well. If I notices that I missed an important detail, I may do a part 2. Hopefully I was able to shed some light on this topic!

[brattyspence]

fate, and other lies | s. reid

what moon songs do you sing your babies? / what sunshine do you bring? / who belongs / who decides who's crazy / who rights wrongs where others cling?

- Luna - The Smashing Pumpkins

summary : girldad!spencer who can't seem to find a logical reason why he was given the chance to be a father

tags : religion/religious questioning, mentions of the science/religion gap, spencer is a girl dad duh, his daughter's name is charlotte, sorry charlottes of cmblr, nerdy daughter, she's cute, spirituality, moon phases, fluff, no mention on y/n

a/n : thank u to @cherrriesinthespring for helping me not delete this entire draft. idk if this makes sense but i don't care!! this is my blog!!! general disclaimer idgaf what religion you subscribe to! spencer wouldn't gaf either! this is fiction!

words: 1.3k+

masterlist

Spencer is a man of science.

He has always been that way. He's never believed in the after life, or superstitions, or twin flames. He doesn't buy into astrological signs, or the idea of a past life. Manifestation doesn't happen. Religion abandoned him from a young age, and even if it hadn't, he's sure he’s read enough scientific literature to ruin the concept for himself eternally.

Fate is what it is; a series of events caused by a series of events. There is no luck–just probability– and if he's learned anything from his years of life, the odds are stacked against him.

It's dark inside the nursery, aside from the smattering of glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and the soft, warm glow of light reflecting off the smattering of space themed decorations filling the space. There's planets and stars, and somewhere among the chaos, a picture frame with the moon phase from the day Charlotte was born.

This does make sense. It's logical. Spencer Reid’s daughter, not yet three, who has taken an interest in science. Space, that is. Planets and stars and moons. And not in the way that many children are, focusing on astronauts and aliens, but a real, tangible interest. She asks questions with answers she's too young to comprehend, but she listens. The thirst of knowledge that drove Spencer to where he is today is somewhere inside her, too.

Charlotte’s cheek is tucked up against his chest, the warmth of her skin radiating against him. Tiny fingers wrap and unwrap themselves from the hem of his shirt, mindlessly toying with the material while she takes in the pages of the book propped against his knee. It's far past her bedtime, and while she should be tired, Spencer can just make out the movement of her eyes from the light reflecting off of them in the dim room.

“The moon does not produce it’s own light,” Spencer reads. “The moon reflects sunlight off its surface, which is what makes it shine at night. Depending on the position of the moon and earth, we can see the various phases of the moon.”

He turns the page carefully, placing the book back into its position without stirring Charlotte from her spot.

“Scientists use the phases of the moon for many different reasons. The moon helps us see the passage of time. It's phases also influence the tides. Some cultures believe the phases of the moon can predict other things about our lives.”

Spencer is well aware that Charlotte is too young to understand most of the book. She will grasp some things, like pictures and certain words. He doesn't expect much to stick.

“Do you know what that means?” He asks, smoothing back a stray curl from her face. “To predict something?”

Charlotte’s eyes momentarily glance up from their focus on the page. With her cheek still smashed against his chest, she shakes her head slightly.

“Predicting means we make a guess about something. A really good guess. So if we predict the future, we make a guess about what the future will be like.”

“The moon guesses what the future is like?”

“Not exactly,” he smiles. He sighs, searching for the words to explain such a concept to her. “The moon doesn't guess. We make a guess. We can look at the moon, and make a guess about the future based on its phase. But it's just a guess. No one really knows what will happen.”

Charlotte scooches herself up a bit, eyes still studying the page. He can tell she's formulating questions that he will struggle to answer.

“How do we know what the moon thinks?”

Spencer chuckles. “We don't know. But some people like to believe we do. So someone, a very long time ago, made up their own ideas about what the moon is trying to tell us. Look at this page.

He flips again to a new page, one that includes a picture of each moon phase. It only takes him a moment to locate what he's looking for.

“Do you recognize this moon?”

“That's my moon,” she nods. “What does the moon think about me?”

The logical side of Spencer knows not to feed into this. He knows how important it is to raise children who believe in science. One day, when she's older, he can explain to her why astrology, moon phases, superstition, and other similar things aren't rooted by science. But today he can play along.

“According to this book, waning crescent babies are very wise, empathetic, and introspective. They are good listeners, too.”

“I'm a good listener.”

“You are,” he chuckles. “But it's just a guess. It's just for fun.”

“Which moon is your moon?” She asks, tilting her head back to see him.

He sighs, but a smile is still present somewhere in his features.

“This one,” he says. “Waning gibbous.”

“You have a big moon, and I have a little moon.”

Charlotte's fingers run across the textured surface of the page for a moment as she absorbs the new information. Spencer is almost certain she's distracted herself with something else when she points back at the page.

“If we put our moons together, we could have a full moon.”

He looks down, back at her ever curious gaze. Her eyes, ones that mirror his nearly exactly, are seemingly searching his as if he has all the answers.

“I guess we would,” he nods.

“Is that because you're my dad?” She asks. “Does everyone’s moon match their dad?”

“No, honey. It's just a coincidence.”

His logical reasoning should remind him that there is no meaning in the phase of the moon, aside from the passage of time and positioning of the earth. But it's hard to ignore when this coincidence is just so big.

Charlotte tucks her head back against him, her cheeks squished to his chest. This is how every night ends for them. Spencer awkwardly sitting on her toddler sized bed, and Charlotte's entire body tucked up against his like she was meant to be there.

Part of him is convinced that she is meant to be there. And not only by way of a father and daughter relationship-of course he's responsible for her. But this, he believes, goes beyond obligation. Out of everything that's ever gone right for him, he's never had something that is so deeply correct. Something that comes so naturally, that he's not only good at, but also feels more whole for being a part of.

Moments like this remind him of just how strange it is to be someone’s father. And not just anyone, but Charlotte’s. Charlotte who looks just like him, acts just like him, and adds bits of his personality to her own every day. Charlotte who repeatedly chooses to be near him, to seek his comfort, and to trust him.

Spencer doesn't seek meaning in things. He's never been one to do that. But it's hard to resist the urge, particularly in moments like this. He hears it in the soft sound of his calloused hands running over the back of her pajama shirt. A callous from the pen he uses to sign paperwork, admitting faults in his own skills in the field. Another from the gun he carries that has been responsible for more deaths than he can count. Hands that navigated through his darkest of days, meanest of moments, and lowest of points. Hands littered with evidence that fate never should have led him here. But he also knows there are some things science just can't explain.

When he finally closes the book, she’ll already be fast asleep. He’ll tuck her back in, turn on her nightlight, and kiss her goodnight at least more time, even though she won't remember it. She's already asleep. His job is already done. Still, the fact that he's found himself lucky enough to defy every odd and wake up every morning to be her father is enough of a reason for him to buy into the idea that maybe, just maybe, there is something greater out there.

As far as he's concerned, she's enough reason to believe.

credit to @strangergraphics-archive for dividers

[winterzsurprise]

Change My Mind [5]

Pairing: BTS x reader

SUMMARY: As a make-up artist, you were expected to glamorize your clients with brushes and products that cost a week-worth of food, not to befriend them outside of work, let alone have them save you from dates yet here you are five years later as one of their closest confidants.

Being a stylist of the world's biggest boyband is no easy feat, someone is doing flips, someone can't stay still and one's asleep but its fine, you can work around their chaos but then one day, you find out they're all your soulmates, a whole different can of chaos you don't think you can handle.

Tags: Soulmates AU, Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Not Beta Read, Slow Build, Polyamory, Attempts at Humor

Words: 9.4k

Edit (02-04-25): nothing important was changed, just made it more readable(?). Didn't realise how much I yapped nonsense here oml

EDIT 03/05/25: minor changes with Y/N's behavior

thank you all for your comments and likes, it keeps me going :DD

<<<Prev || MASTERLIST || Next>>>

_____

Namjoon was a man of science.

He believes in everything that can be explained in a lengthy and intricately detailed book filled with an even more difficult terminologies and worded examinations backed up by photographic evidence to prove it. 

To him, if he didn't see it happen before his very eyes, it was fiction, a lie.

It's how it should be.

As a child, he frowned upon the heretics and the desperate, thanking a nonexistent god for the fruit of their hard work. He couldn’t fathom how they could weep so genuinely as they prayed on their knees for blessings that never come. Even if gods were real, he could never understand how devoted they are to someone who turned a blind eye to the challenges they faced.

Like religion, he also could never understand how the lonely could resort to immorality and hatred in their desperation for a soulmate, couldn't fathom how easily they shed their humanity for a morsel, a hint of that sense of belonging and importance being a tethered gave.

It was dumb.

Life doesn't revolve around soulmates, they should've tried other options instead of blaming the theoretical nirvana for their own misfortune.

Despite being a child born from two mates, he never believed in the concepts of soulmates, thinking it childish as it was an idea the lonely and the hopeless hung onto to feel better for themselves. He believed that his parents would have met either way without their soulmarks, would've fallen in love the same and bring him to life. 

Because they were meant to be, even without the marks to prove it.

Sure, he wished to eventually settle down with someone who also loved him as his mother does with his father but he doesn't believe in the spiritual connection.

But science has nothing on the sensation he was feeling right now.

The moment the clock struck midnight, a heartbeat suddenly began to drum at the back of his head, but it was faint and muffled as if it was distant and was pulsing behind multiple walls but he could hear its panicked pace echoing in his skull. In the silence you and Jungkook’s departure has left, Namjoon began to feel dread bubbling inside him. A tension slowly building up with the beat of the racing heart at the back of his head.

It felt like those slowly crescending notes of a horror movie's background music as the killer stalks nearer. There's a tension thickening but he's the only one who could feel it, could sense it coming.

It's making him nervous beyond belief how he doesn't know what is afoot.

A gasp tore through his thought process and he looked up to see his Yoongi hyung eyeing something invisible in his right hand, disbelief apparent in his wide eyes as the others turned to him with concerned curiosity.

But Namjoon already knew what it was.

At least, he felt like he knew what was happening, although he himself is incredulous.

He's read up everything that he could about soulmates in his teenage years wanting to refute his parents' insistence on how they wouldn't have clicked as well as they are without the soulmark yet none of them could explain how he just knows the heartbeat at the back of his head belonged to you.

_______

Fate truly has a funny way of revealing who your soulmate is.

It was said that the sensation when you first meet your soulmate should be a wave of cold relief flushing all the worries out of your system. Your mother and Jihae told you stories of the sudden sense of belonging, like finding the last piece of the puzzle you’ve walked your whole life without from a mere accidental brush of a hand with a stranger on the streets.

If it was in any other scenario, you would've agreed with them.

But as Jungkook raises both your hands to survey the skin for any mark, your world shrinks down like an air tight ziplock bag to only fit you and him. 

A low thrum resonated in the air, mellifluous and sweet, a direct contrast to the dull but racing heartbeat at the back of your head. Jolts of electricity vibrated under your skin starting from your joined hands and spreading across your muscles and lighting your nerve endings awake.

The walls around you closed in. Not because it was Jungkook who you happened to be fated to. But because there's a thin, red thread tied around your pinkie.

A red string of fate.

And it's not tethered to Jungkook.

It goes behind you and you dread to know who it leads to.

There's a curious tug from down the line, the thread turning tangible at every pull and the urge to run away, to hide in the comforts of your home grew tenfold. Because you're sure the string leads to one of the boys.

People who became your closest companions after years of being their make-up artist. Three of which you've rejected and the remaining four you've remained friends with. 

Isn't this a bit too much of a joke?

How funny it must've been for the divinities to watch you reject the men eventually revealed to be your soulmate. They must've cackled, pointing fingers and all, as they watched you reject them. You wouldn’t put it behind them to connect the end of your string to someone you’ve also turned down once.

You watched Jungkook speedrun through the five stages of grief in a few seconds, face contorting every so often it made it hard to get a read on what he's feeling. He let out a shaky exhale as he came to, doe eyes meeting yours with an incredulous sheen. 

His continuous silence stuffed cottons into your throat, the conflicted expression he has settled on only furthering the panic in your chest. 

You retract your hand but he was faster, catching your wrist in a tighter grip. There's a question hanging from his lips but they cease to exist the moment you both see the mark on your finger.

In the space between your index and middle finger lies a black quarter note, inked into the skin of your middle. The tint is bold and black. 

Raising his own hand, your eyes landed on the same pattern etched on his on the opposite side. As if hypnotized, he intertwined his fingers and the same gentle thrum came back, along with a comforting warmth echoing from your soulmate mark and throughout your body, almost rendering you boneless from how intense and relieving it felt.

You weren't the only one affected by its calming properties. The frustration in Jungkook's from earlier now erased from his face, as if it was never there. Acceptance.

Just like that, the problem is solved; and that unsettles you.

“Noona… Wh-what is happening?”

His voice is so small, shaky and hopeful . Eyes growing larger as he surveys your soulmate marks in disbelief. He untangled your hand and pulled the soulmark closer to his eye. Curiously, Jungkook hesitantly taps the musical note and shivered with you when skin touched skin.

You both suck in a deep breath, freezing at the foreign sensation it brought you both before a smile that stretches high up to the heavens brightens his face.

Jungkook's eyes were glazed with unshed tears when you found them once more, breath shaky as he placed a kiss onto your knuckles. The sensation of his lips on your skin making goosebumps rise on your skin.

“Noona, we're soulmates.”

You didn't even hear the sound of footsteps running up the stairs nor Taehyung calling you both until he got close, hand landing on your shoulder and effectively snapping you out of your trance.

“Are you guys okay? Not too long ago you were at each other's throat and now—woah!”

A shrill of pleasure shocks your body, vision flashing white and you fall. 

If it wasn't for Jungkook, you would've collapsed boneless next to Taehyung who's gasping on the floor, hand clutching his heart as he heaved. Jungkook let you lean your body weight on him once you stood up again. Arms wrapping around your waist protectively as your brain catches up.

A sharp gasp from Jungkook kickstarts your already racing heart, panic flushing out whatever has happened earlier.

But that wasn't the thing that made your head pulse.

It was the shaky utterance of your name and looking up at Jungkook only to be distracted by the faint glow of lavender in the shape of a hand on your shoulder. The spot where Taehyung had last touched you.

In the dimness of the hallway, Love Prints gleamed a soft shade of purple like a splatter of glow in the dark paint. Your head snapped back to Taehyung who had pushed himself to sit up, cradling his head while murmuring intelligible under his breath until he looked up and his jaw fell .

“I-Is that…?”

“Hyung, what is the meaning of this?”

Taehyung turned to the maknae, spluttering. “I-I don't even… Ho-how is this even possible?”

How is it possible to feel like the world has pulled a carpet from under you while also feeling like you're laying on cloud 9?

Three soulmates.

Two of them being people you once rejected, one of them unknown but the string suspiciously led downstairs where the rest of the boys are.

You feel like passing out just to avoid the talk it'll entail. Maybe you should run at the wall and hope you'll hit your head hard enough to guarantee amnesia.

“Noona, you're seeing this too right?” 

Taehyung is now standing in front of you, reaching up to trace the already fading handprint and a new splatter of purple followed his finger. He grinned, eyes misty and overflowing with joy as he giggled, the sound almost reminiscent of a delighted child.

Jungkook’s arm tightened around you.

“Wh-why— Is that love prints ? Hyung?” Jungkook’s voice shakes from the weight of the revelation hanging above his head. “Are we sharing noona?”

“GUYS! YOONGI HYUNG GOT A SOULMATE!”

Holy shit.

Unlike you who's despairing to see the man on the other side of the thread, Taehyung was beyond ecstatic.

“No fucking way. I gotta see this.”

Taehyung dragged you to the stairs when your legs refused to move, uprooting you from where you leaned onto Jungkook's side. Your stomach churned at how lighter the strings felt in your pinkie and a tad tighter as the distance shortened.

There's a sudden heartbeat racing in your ears but it sounds far away and it doesn't sync with the pulse you feel in your temples. You couldn't dwell on it for long before you're faced with the man at the other end of the red string.

_______

They said it all started with their eldest but unbeknownst to them, he was the first to notice how your eyes would light up like the stars in the night sky, how your laugh sounded like wedding bell rings than the dying pig you claimed it to sound.

Seokjin might be their eldest and Taehyung might’ve fallen deepest but he was the beginning of it all.

In his twenty five years of existence on this damned planet, Min Yoongi has never asked for much, content with whatever life throws at him.

Even with his harsh upbringing, he never kept what he has from others, especially since he met his brothers. He'd willingly ripped off the cloth from his back to keep them warm and plugged their ears with both his hands so they couldn’t hear the hateful words thrown at them at debut, even if it cost of being exposed to them instead. But he couldn't care less, Yoongi loves them with all his heart.

There's nothing in the world that could ever stop him from bending over backwards just so the others could live peacefully.

When his pockets grew heavier with age, this trait only bloomed further into millions donated anonymously to hospitals and charities he could stumble upon. 

To everyone, especially his brothers, he’s a generous man.

Until you strode into his life and haunted him in his waking days with the ghost of your touch caressing his face.

Min Yoongi never wants yet he yearned, he craved to feel the softness of your skin under his fingertips, to taste your lips and discover if you tasted as sweet as you smell, to run his hand through your hair as to know if it's as soft as it looked under the soft glow of the room. 

And for once in his life, he wanted to be selfish.

Being with you makes him want to believe, want to hope that something nonsensical as the concept of soulmates is true.

Originally, Min Yoongi wasn’t a believer of such optimism because his mother wasn’t. 

She passed down her resentment for the fates for turning a blind eye on her onto her next of kin. She was bitter from being untethered and barred her children from subjecting themselves to whimsical thoughts of fates and destinies.

Never had he entertained the ideas of soulmates until you came and bursted through the iron doors of his heart. For the first time in his life, he began to want , to wish that he gets tethered to you.

You who shined even without the help of others, who stood out like the beacon of light in the shady pits of this world. He couldn’t dare face you as someone whose future is as dim as the blasted world he cursed out. With nothing to offer, he strived to be the best, to crawl to the top whatever it takes.

He couldn't show you a pathetic side of him, he knew he couldn't step forward with a bleak future to offer. Yoongi wouldn't be able to bear it if you were to grow miserable beside him.

Because for you, he'd stop at nothing to hand everything you'd ever lay your eyes on wrapped in a pretty bow of the most expensive quality and tucked neatly behind soft colored gift wrappers.

So for years, Min Yoongi hid.

What else could he do when most of his brothers also vied for your attention? He loved you all with all his heart, couldn't bear the thought of ever hurting any of you for his selfish desires. So he did what he thought was best, step back and watch from the sidelines.

And he was fine with that.

He thinks himself a patient man. A trait forged by years of encountering nagging customers and demanding adults from working as a delivery boy. Yet all it took was a couple dozen bottles of Soju and a warm atmosphere to accidentally confess his feelings for you. Ashamed and already knowing what his hyung has received as an answer, he puts on a mask the next day and acts.

He did it so well you were convinced he wasn't kidding by forgetting last night's mistakes and swallowing up the disappointment when you didn’t bother asking him again and acted like nothing ever happened.

But it's okay, Min Yoongi is a patient man, he can wait.

So when you appeared before him, a red string tied prettily around your pinkie with the thread leading back to his own, he was beyond euphoric . He felt like a champion, of what? He didn’t care much to think.

He felt like he could climb the highest summit in record speed with no equipment and only the warmth of the new bond to keep him alive.

_______

The moment you all appeared in the living room with your shoulder and linked hands glowing purple, all hell broke loose. You didn't even get to look at Yoongi’s reaction when everyone was exploding around you, running to look at the evidence of your connection to Taehyung up close.

“Oh shit…”

“What the fuck?”

“You guys are connected?!”

Taehyung hovered protectively behind you with a smile so bright it can deter the night, hands planted on your shoulders and pushing his hyungs a few steps away to keep them from overwhelming you.

Everyone surrounding you had varying reactions even then, Namjoon kept his distance but hovered over behind his brothers with his eyebrows furrowed, staring with his calculating gaze and the heartbeat echoing at the back of your head grow rampant. 

You didn’t dare look at Seokjin, whose gaze weighed heavily with hurt and disappointment. You try not to flinch when you hear him run upstairs, and the door of his room slams shut.

He who had confessed first, had continued to love you even when you had brushed off his affections, somehow didn’t make the cut. You didn’t even want to know what you’d do if you were him.

A finger traces the fading prints of Taehyung’s touch on your shoulder and you immediately crumple to the floor with a gasp as an intense wave of euphoria runs through your veins. You could barely make out the feeling of someone’s arms holding you up and someone pushing your head to their chest.

The bleary sight of what looked like Yoongi pushed through the crowd and reached up to cup your face, instantly, the warmth of his touch grounds you. Then you were being carried to sit on the sofa with everyone spaced around you, except for Jimin who’s bonelessly spread on the opposite side of you.

How funny was it for the universe to link you to the same men you've rejected for the fear of ruining the amazing brotherhood they've built from years of hard work and tears?

As the sensation from Taehyung and Jungkook’s touch subsides, dread reintroduces itself and slowly crawls up your skin. Your headache has long evolved into having two throbbing pulses at the back of your head. From the revelation to the onslaught of feelings attacking and fighting off your initial panic, your body struggled to keep up with the conflicting emotions.

You wanted to run, to hide from their gaze, to put an end to the mess of emotions caused by the forced relief from their touches.

Jimin is now staring at you from across the lounge, his beautiful face contorted into concern, his soft eyes seeing past the fog in yours. They stared at you as if trying to decipher something, as if he could somehow feel how overwhelmed you are.

He opened his mouth to say something when a voice broke through the chatter.

“Are you okay, noona?”

Namjoon’s hands were steadying when he held your shoulders, like water in a desert, like the light at the end of a dark tunnel. With their leader stepping in, all words fell into a hush and for the first time since the chaos, it was silent; save for the slowing rhythms of two heartbeats thudding in your head.

If Taehyung and Jungkook's touch felt like a jolt of energy and Jimin was rejuvenating and healing, Namjoon had the ability to kill the noise in your mind with eye contact alone.

Peering deeper into his gaze, your breath stutters and you move to flinch away in fear of setting off the new bond but instead find yourself slowly coming into a realization when nothing had happened in the short time Namjoon had touched you. The second heartbeat at the back of your mind grows louder, completely setting itself apart from what is truly yours. 

You’re sharing heartbeats with Namjoon.

A fifth soulmate.

What the fuck.

“Hyung, are you sober enough to drive?” Namjoon looks up to stare at someone behind you.

“A-are you sure I should be driving her home? I could set something off from an accidental brush of a hand.”

“She’s overstimulated from being surrounded by us, having someone outside the links would help.”

You sensed Hoseok’s apprehension in his silence. Then, he sighed.

“Alright. Let’s go, noona.”

It felt burdensome to leave such a life-altering problem for them to handle while you cower in your home, trying to hide from the reality where you might be linked to all seven of them. 

The reassuring squeeze on your shoulders brought you back from the guilty trance you’ve submerged into and was faced with Namjoon's kind eyes and smile.

“Go home noona, we'll handle it from here.”

“You sure?”

He nods. “I know this is overwhelming so I want you to go rest and let me do the planning and talking, alright?”

When you didn’t respond, Namjoon wrapped his arms around you. There’s hesitance in how his movement stuttered, could hear him ponder as he pulled you flush to his chest, afraid of affecting you like the maknaes had but when his touch didn’t evoke the staggering flood of euphoria, he grew more sure of his movements.

With a kiss on your head, he unwraps himself from you and gently guides you back to Hoseok who’s now standing outside the open door of their dorm. His eyes averted and steeled.

Walking to the car was a silent affair and you don’t know if you rather have Hoseok being quiet or not.

It was bearable when he turned on the radio and a song that has no connection to the boys plays, not that it stopped the thoughts from spawning in from the crevices of your mind.

When you had asked the fates for a soulmate, had you sounded so desperate that they'd given you five?

You’ve heard of three souls being connected. Hell, Yeonjun is a part of a five-way soulmate link; Interlinked, is what they’re called. Everyone in the group has their own unique mark with each member which usually led to constant overstimulation in the beginning, the company had put them on medications until their bond settled a year later.

Even today, there are times where they still get affected by their bonds, although not as often as it used to. It was a wonder how there haven't been investigations put on BigHit with how often the five had to be sent to the hospital for soulbond hyperactivity at least once a week for a whole year.

But a nexus between six people, five connected to one. That is unheard of, the rarest even.

Five soulmates yet none of those were Seokjin. Your mind reminds you. Someone who had stuck with you since the first day, the first to confess, and the one who remained loyal, wasn’t tethered to you. 

You turned to Hoseok who had remained silent the whole ride, stomach churning as a revelation hangs above your head.

“Hoba?”

“Yes, noona?” 

He sounded guarded, his face ironed into a neutral, more serious expression as he slowed as the traffic light went red.

“What’s gonna happen now?”

He bit his lower lip as he pondered, thumbs tapping incessantly on the wheel before he spoke.

“We're gonna have to update your statuses in the fated registry, but I doubt the company will make it public just yet. There's nothing also in our contract that prohibits us from pursuing a relationship with our soulmates if we ever come across them so you're good on that front.”

You notice how he excluded himself from the Nexus bond and you feel a pinch on your heart at how formal he has become, as if he’s already put up a wall between you both.

“We'll probably have a long talk about it once I get back but I doubt they'd wait for me since it doesn’t really concern me anyways. You’re probably wouldn't be allowed to touch Jimin and Taehyung anymore when you're working because your soulmarks are very obvious and I know you don't want—”

“Y-You don't think you're also…”

Silence followed as he adjusted himself in his seat as the car began to move again, his hands drumming on the wheel halts as the facade he's wearing shattered for a moment and his eyes grew foggy, clouded by a deep shade of blue.

Under the passing warm lights of the streetlights overhead, Hoseok has never looked more devastated to you than he does now.

You had never noticed it, he has always been open with his affections to his friends so you never thought of it as anything but his usual touchiness. He shows his care for you in the same way he does with his brothers, so paid it no need and brushed it off.

How could Soobin notice it? What had he seen that you missed?

“If I was, I would've felt something or seen that something but here we are.” He forces out a laugh before glancing at you and offering a hand. You notice how his smile doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. “We're still the bestest of friends even without the mark, right?”

Hesitantly, you took it.

The moment your fingers wrapped around his Hoseok immediately pulls his hand back in favor of holding the brake between you both.

You try to not let his aversion to touch affect you. New soulbonds are fickle, there’s been multiple reports where people are rushed into ER after brushing their hands against strangers and had been in excruciating pain from soulbond strain.

Their new bodies had thought they were denying destiny and had punished them.

But for him to completely retreat to himself, visibly putting up a tall wall between you both is a different kind of pain. For Hoseok, someone who has never had to restrain himself from holding your hands or hugging you whenever he's excited, to step back hurts you more than you thought it would.

“Noona, we’re here.”

As you left the car, you pondered on what to say to him. What could you even tell him?

Do you even say you're sorry he's not one of your soulmates or would that sound mocking?

Should you say that you had wished once that he became tethered to you or would that be rubbing salt on the wound?

But before you could even turn around and say your goodbyes, the moment the door was closed, Hoseok drove off. 

_______

Waking up was dreadful.

It felt more exhausting than it had yesterday when you were going to your third date with Guwon knowing he wanted to propose to you. Sleeping was difficult, you could feel Yoongi touch the string from miles away, eyes flying open whenever you felt the thread become tangible and gently glow in the darkness of your room.

It wasn't his soul-link alone that disturbed you, Namjoon’s heartbeat constantly changed rhythm although it was faint enough to blend into the background with the rumble of the air conditioner. From the nervous gallops to the calmer but deeper thuds whenever he seems to drown himself in his own thoughts.

You had research about your soul links when you grew restless in your bed, obsessed over the fact there's little to no information on your and Jimin's mark, trying to ignore the messages from your mother and sister. They were asking about Guwon and why you decided to end things. You know that you should explain, you at least owe your mother the reason why you had decided to stop seeing the lawyer but you couldn't.

After days of her constant questioning and spamming links of wedding organizers and dressmakers, you couldn't find the courage to face your mother.

Not that it matters anymore though, not after last night.

Would you send her to an early grave once you tell her the news? How do you even break the news to your parents? Hi mom, I'm sorry I've been ignoring you yesterday. Yes, I stopped seeing Guwon but hey, I found you five new son-in-laws and they happen to be the members of the world's biggest boyband so don't be mad yeah?

She might just make true to her threat of hanging you upside down on a sack on your porch back in the province.

The same thought had led you to realizing how bad it would’ve gone if you got engaged with Guwon in Jeju only to find out the next day who your soulmates were. 

When you trudged to the bathroom, exhaustion weighed your bones but you excused it to your shitty sleep.

Not once has any of the boys reached out to you the whole night, Seokjin’s silence louder than the others. You know that they're busy handling the paperworks due today but to have not a single text in the groupchat made dread crawl up within you. It had never once died down in all those years it existed until last night.

So when the door rang a quarter to nine, you jumped.

The door opens and Namjoon steps into your living room with Seokjin following closely behind him, expression guarded and eyes averted while his leader approaches you. Both their eyes are swollen, no doubt from a sleepless night.

(You try not to notice how Seokjin looks far puffier than the other.)

“Sorry we went silent, we got… busy talking about things,” Namjoon began, voice soft as ever as he approached you to wrap his arms around you and you let him. “Hyung’s here with me to drive you to the DFR, the others went first since we decided that it's better if you're not lumped up with all your soulmates in one small space so it's just us three for a while.”

“Have you eaten?” Seokjin asks, unmoving from where he stands a step away from the door, guarded and stiff, as if trying to meld himself into the wood.

His voice is hoarse and he looked more worn than you've ever seen him in years yet he managed to sound soft and put on the smallest of smiles. Your heart twinges.

“I haven't, you guys didn't tell me when we were going to have the bond registered.”

Namjoon sheepishly scratches the back of his head. “We got busy the whole night discussing how we'll be moving forward, the company has already cleared out the department office and as Hobi-hyung might've told you, they're doing everything they can to keep this under wraps for now.”

“There’s unfortunately no time for take-outs due to the time crunch, I doubt you guys will be out by twelve but I think we can all go for a good, filling lunch.”

“Jinnie, are you okay?”

The words slipped out of your lips before you could realize it had. His eyes widened for a fracture, taken aback before a sad smile stretched his lips.

“I will be, don't worry.”

Namjoon claps his hands abruptly, cutting through the air as he forces out a grin. “Alright, let's be on our way.”

“What about the family dinners?” You pushed on.

“We'll tell them the truth. I can't exactly bring you to family dinners as my fake girlfriend anymore now, can I?”

What started as Jin needing your help in stopping vulture-like aunties trying to introduce their daughters to him, grew far more serious when Mrs. Kim began to invite you annually to their family reunion dinners and had begun sending you the occasional gift boxes from her trips abroad. 

You tried giving them to Jin when the first box came but he insisted you keep them anyway. It made you feel guilty for tricking his family, especially his mother, but Jin needed your help in warding off the bad energy .

“We told hyung that once the bond gets stable next year, you can continue attending them.” Namjoon adds.

“Obviously I denied, what a stupid idea.” Seokjin immediately responds with a scoff and crosses his arms. “Why are you even paired with them when they disregard your safety like this? Really, why would you guys even suggest that?”

Namjoon turns to him with a look that seems to ask ‘do you really want me to answer that?’ and Seokjin pursed his lips in a straight line. You laughed.

It was a relief to see that nothing has changed within their dynamics. You had feared the day everyone would turn against each other because of you. It had made you wary of how much time you spend with a member one on one, scared the others would think of it as picking favorites. 

To see Seokjin, the one you have no doubt been more devastated than Hoseok, be making light hearted jokes about the soulmarks lifted off a huge weight from your shoulders.

If the new bonds weren’t so sensitive, you would’ve hugged him.

“I hope auntie won't take it to heart. You were a nice boyfriend but you kept nagging me to pay a nonsense debt.”

“You still have a balance to settle with me, don't forget that,” He jokes. “But seriously, mom would be sad, she liked you better than me.”

Namjoon's phone pings, the sound silencing you both. With a hissed apology, he turned his attention to the device and read the notification on his lock screen before turning to you.

“We need to get going soon. Hobi hyung said Yoongi hyung and Jimin just got called up.”

“Wait, I haven't showered yet! You guys didn't warn me!”

But as you move to run back to your room, Namjoon stops you with a hand on your shoulder.

“It's fine, noona.”

“It's not like we haven't seen you with unwashed hair for two days straight.”

“What was the longest day, hyung?” Namjoon clicks his fingers, a small teasing grin tugging his lips.

“Three days I think?”

“I thought it was a week?”

“It might’ve been.”

Their laughter when you slapped both their arms twinkled in your ears. The sound warming your chest but also grating your gears at the same time. 

Fresher than you had been earlier, you all arrive at the DFA an hour later. Spending thirty preparing, another half traveling to the heart of Seoul.

There's already a few bodyguards dressed in civilian wear lingering outside the office. Mr. Lee approached the car once the three of you began to step out before ushering all of you inside the building with a few other guards.

Save for the receptionists on the other side of the counter placed in the dead middle of the room, the lobby was empty. Sejin comes out from the wide open arch on the right, a man dressed in a neatly ironed tailored black suit following behind him. 

“Let's all move to where the rest are. We couldn't rent the building for the whole day so they’ll be opening to the general public soon but we were allowed to have one floor to ourselves.”

None of you objects and followed him to the elevator and to the second floor where you were immediately greeted by Taehyung, Hoseok and Jungkook sitting on the blue plastic seats clustered by both sides of the walls.

When the metal doors parts open, their heads turn and immediately, Taehyung stands and runs up to you with arms wide.

Namjoon and Seokjin weren't able to react fast enough. The moment Taehyung wrapped himself around you, a powerful wave of bliss crashed over you and your legs gave out. They all screamed your name as you fell but they were muffled, hands grabbed onto whatever they could in the haste of catching you.

In the bleariness of your vision, you could make out Taehyung narrowly avoiding crumpling onto the floor when someone caught him by the waist.

“...That was so stupid of you…”

“...Why…Taehyung?...”

“Noona?”

The haze clears and you find yourself being carried by Seokjin into the nearest doctor’s office. You hear the door open before Yoongi’s exasperated but concerned voice follows.

“What the hell happened now?”

“We have no idea, Tae’s touch didn’t do this to her last night.”

“Fuckin—Just get her inside.”

“Noona, I’m so sorry!”

Seokjin lets you down on a soft cushioned armchair and you find yourself staring back at a bespectacled woman with hair so straight you wonder how Yoongi didn't feel exorcized at the sight of it.

She didn't waste any time and she rose from her seat to inject something in your arm. 

“What a wild introduction this is. First you come in with five soulmates, a Nexus group and one of them having Healing Touch, and as if that's not intriguing enough, you faint after a touch from Love Prints ! So, very interesting!”

She returns to her seat as the haze ebbs away from your vision with the glowing purple paint on your torso.

“I guess it's true that all soul specialists are… enthusiastic .”

“Only on the right things, don't worry we don't bite.”

There's almost a manic look in her eyes as she stares at you with a fascination only seen in a mad geologist who had found a new and infinitely curious piece of history in the dirt. Seokjin pats your shoulders, squeezing it assuringly for the last time before he disappears out the door.

“So, how's this gonna go?”

Doctor Gwak Jihye was a woman with flat light brown hair almost the same height as you. There's narrow rectangle glasses sitting neatly on the bridge of her nose and a notable beauty mark placed on the apple of her cheekbones. Black vine-like tattoos peaked out of her cream turtleneck, a soulmark you guessed once you saw the ring on her finger.

The band is as dark as the night yet gleaned like stars under the bright light of the room with three deep blue sapphires engraved on the front. A ring made from soul metal, created and used only by the tethered. 

She wore the standard white coat of every doctor you’ve ever met with the exception of the detailed pin of two white strings knotted together inside the lining of a heart and a red cross placed in the middle of it all.

“We'll do the basic health checks, the measurements and all the like. Nothing too difficult. Then we educate you on every soulmark you have. You are aware of what you have with the five of them, correct?”

She rapid fires and you're left agape, mouth closing and open as your brain catches up. The doctor raised an eyebrow and you nod. With that, she motions to the scales behind you as she stands. You followed the woman to the stadiometer placed next to the door. 

Once she was done taking your measurements down, you both returned to her desk where she asked you a few questions about your allergies and recent medical history. It was an easy procedure, almost boring. 

The ever so present exhaustion from waking up that morning is still weighing your bones, you yawned. Staying awake felt like a challenge and you don't doubt she had noticed this when she placed her board down to open her drawer.

“You are feeling more exhausted than before, am I correct in assuming this?”

“Yes…?”

She hummed when she found what she was looking for and placed the thick white medicine bottle in front of you.

“This should help your body get used to the bonds whenever you touch Jimin or Taehyung. The exhaustion is normal since you live far from them but once you move in and are surrounded by your soulmates, you should feel more energized. It should also protect you all from the effects of being touched by someone else but that doesn’t mean you should go hugging everyone out there, remember that you have soulmates now and the bonds can be sulky at times.”

Amoneuron , it reads on the label. Curious, you twist the lid open to see what might just be a hundred of blush pink colored round pills.

“With that out of the way, from what I've heard from Yoongi, you've researched every soulmark there is at one point in your life but I doubt that you don't have any questions,” She fished out the yellow folder under her board and opened it, not knowing how surprised you are to hear Yoongi’s involvement. “Anything you'd like to know about?”

Your mind takes you back to the empty search and countless ‘Did you mean…?’ questions on every result. Jimin and your marks never yielded any results, none in Naver and none in Google. 

You tried finding it in your books but none of them were ever close to the touch activated golden swirls and the feeling of being rejuvenated.

“I tried researching what could be Jimin and I’s soulmark but I couldn't find one, is it that rare of a mark?”

She nods. “ Healing touch , there's so little information of that type of mark since the last recorded case can be traced back to 1894.”

Your eyes widen, surprised by how rare of a mark you share with Jimin.

“Which meant if there were soul-link related sickness between you, I fear that we won't be much of help as we don't know much about Healing Touch other than mates who has it doesn't get hungry, thirsty nor need much sleep if they interacted enough,” She gauges your reaction, when she saw your confusion she continues. “By interacting enough, I don't mean hugs or hand holding, I mean kisses and sex.”

You began to cough violently, choking on your saliva at her bluntness, cheeks burning bright but she ignored you and continued.

“Hand holding and hugs can only guarantee better stamina and endurance, even being close enough can make the other have a bottomless energy. As this concerns a highly valued individual, our team is already attempting to acquire more information about Healing Touch but I don’t have an estimated time on when we’ll be ready to share our findings, please understand that we are also surprised by this mark’s sudden revival.” She smiled. “Anything else you'd like to ask?”

“Are Taehyung and Jimin's marks somehow similar? I remember feeling… rejuvenated whenever the both of them touched me but then got overstimulated.”

Her eyebrows rose.

“No, Taehyung’s touch shouldn’t affect you outside of the first touch nor should you be suffering from soulbond hyperactivity from both of them. When Seokjin had carried you in, what exactly happened beforehand?”

“When Taehyung hugged me again not too long ago, we experienced soulbond hyperactivity.”

“Huh.” Was all she replied with, hand scribbling furiously on her notes. You had the urge to sit up a little straight and take a peak at what she’s writing down so passionately but decided against it, fearing what you might learn from it.

“Any guesses on what could have caused this?”

“It's hard to say much for now since Healing Touch is a very rare mark. But I can hazard a guess and say that due to their similar nature being touch-activated marks and Healing Touch being as powerful as it is, it had influenced Love Print somehow.” 

If Taehyung’s soulmark has evolved due to Healing Touch as suspected, then does that mean the benefits, at least the bare bones of them, extend to him as well?

You already sense the building headache you’re about to experience in the future with three—including Jungkook whose energy is already a thousand times more of a kid in a toy store—bouncy men with the energy of a toddler in a sugar rush. In advance, you began to pray internally for Namjoon, Sejin, and Seokjin’s sanity.

“Is it possible that this could also affect Jungkook?”

“We don’t know for sure, it's a possibility but if anything were to happen, please don’t hesitate to contact us.”

She then turned back to writing her thoughts down, furiously scribbling with a fire in her eyes before she finally placed down her pen and sighed.

“It seems that I am due to share notes with the doctor who had interviewed Jimin,” She says, slamming her journal close with a smile. “This could lead to a breakthrough in the future. With both of your permissions, we would like to study your soulmark more intimately .”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it but my soulmate might not share the sentiment. The company as well.”

“Your soulmarks could very well lead up to the discovery of the cure to an incurable disease, I doubt he would decline such a possibility.”

You don’t doubt the possibility of your soulmark being the answer to the long time issue of something as fatal as cancer or dementia but the prospect of being examined, had made you feel uncomfortable. To be under intense scrutiny and possibly put under a specific diet to tailor to their needs—especially when Jimin had only recently stopped caring about his body image—had made you more unwilling to participate.

You’d spare a few vials of blood since your bond can regenerate it back in record time but a prolonged trial is definitely a no.

“Why did it manifest now? After all those years, why now?” You ask abruptly, trying to change the subject. 

You hoped she would take the bait and luckily, she did with a defeated sigh.

“As you know, once we hit the age of 16, the chances of meeting our soulmates goes up to 10% and will gain the same amount the next year. This will continue on until it hits a hundred on the 26th and the chances of manifesting a mark stops on the 27th,” You nod, feigning ignorance and she continues. “The Nexus connection had to wait for Jungkook to show which had put yours and the rest to a state of dormancy. So when he turned 21, with half a hundred percent chance, he finally got a mark and here we are.”

You stand and bow, not wanting to leave any free millisecond where she could try continuing to pressure you into agreeing into their research.

“Thank you so much for your insight, Dr. Gwak.”

She looked incredulous and surprised by your sudden actions before returning the gesture.

“It’s a pleasure to be able to foresee a unique connection such as yours, Ms. Y/n. I hope you all the best.”

With that, you leave the room in a haste and let out the biggest exhale once the door behind you closes.

You hear the soft murmurs of voice just around the corner where you guessed you’ll find everyone save for Namjoon who must’ve been called after you had been carried in by Seokjin. But when one door closes, another opens. There’s still a few things you’re due today, a talk with the inner circle of the company, talking with the legal team to figure out who else can know the connection outside of your Nexus, and how you’ll be continuing working as their make-up artist.

There’s a tug down the thread and you look down at your pinkie to see the line turn tangible and vibrant.

‘How are you?’

‘Feel good?’

Tentatively, you twirled the string around your finger and the headache fades. You watch as it glows brighter, livelier with both hosts touching it before tugging it back twice. 

‘Good.’

Instantly, Yoongi responds.

‘Glad . ‘

You expected the string to dim but it remained vibrant under both of your touch and warmth exploded in your chest.

“Are you the lady with the Healing Touch soulmark?”

You jumped back to see an old woman, around the age of sixty, peering up at you with a gentle smile playing on her lips. She dons the same white coat Dr. Gwak wears the same pin of a soul specialist on the lapel and her name tag displayed on her breast pocket.

Shin Sun-young , it reads.

“In my years of being a specialist, I've never seen so many souls connected to one so I'm sorry if I'm a bit much, I'm very curious how it must feel. Having one is already overwhelming for me, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling now.”

“Yeah it's a bit much sometimes. I don't know how to deal with it.”

“We have some medicines for that but I’m sure you already know that and have been prescribed right. It’ll dull up your senses then you can stop taking it after a year.”

She pats your back as you both walk off the sides and you find your soulmates sitting obediently down the hall. Jimin was lying on one cluster of seats in front of the others with an arm over his eyes and the other pinched into a fist on top of his stomach while the rest of the boys squeezed together into the five seats on the opposite wall. 

You notice the missing presence of their eldest but shrugged it off, guessing that he must've wandered off to find the bathroom or a vending machine.

“I hope it goes well for you seven, I'm sure they'll treat you so well.”

Your head snaps to her. “Seven?”

“Oh? Am I wrong? I thought all of those boys are tethered to you. Forgive this old soul.”

You try to not think about how she must’ve intentionally guessed wrong to fish for information. Soul specialists have the reputation of being crazy knowledge-driven people with barely any other qualifying trait other than their unusual obsession with soulmates after all and this lady just happens to be one.

“Hoseok and Jin, their eldest who has gone somewhere, aren't tethered to me. There's no sign of any marks manifesting and we just assumed the worst.”

You hated how you sounded so dejected. You must’ve sounded so greedy to the lady for wanting to have your seven friends to be yours, as if you even deserve Seokjin’s unfaltering love.

She hums. “Are you sure about that?”

“What do you mean?” You ask with an eyebrow raised.

“Dear, everything in the world is advanced now. They could have their blood tested to see if there's a possibility that they're also tethered to you.”

You were reminded of the times where you began to dread your birthdays when you should've been celebrating, the desperation before the abrupt descend of defeat on your birthday this year when you finally realize that you weren't 

“How is that possible? Why now? We've had years of technological evolution but something like that only appears now? Where was this when I wanted to find out if I was—”

She sighs and puts a hand on your shoulder, effectively shutting you up. “Soulmates are spiritual deary. Past technology and brains of yesterdays had difficulty in figuring out the hows and why it works. But now, I can assure you that we have finally found a way to find if you're really untethered or not.”

“Tha-that’s a thing?”

You turned around to find Seokjin on the opposite hall, carrying what seems to be a hundred snacks with two hands, surprise contorting his face. Crossing the distance in under two steps, he stared at the lady with hopeful eyes.

“Where can I have myself checked?”

The way his voice dripped with hope, with desperation of a man who had lost his way and finally found a chance of redemption, a new salvation to pour his attention to. Hearing it made your chest clench. But there was no testimony for their new found tech, there's no telling if they're actually telling the truth.

As much as you are curious as to what the result could be, you couldn't have Seokjin join the test all hopeful only to fall into a deeper hole if he found out that he's actually untethered.

Your heart won't be able to handle the absolute devastation that would follow.

“Jinnie—”

“You boys are in luck, we just had the machine set up last night and we’re looking for volunteers.”

“I’ll do it. Me and someone else.” 

As they began to talk about the technicalities of using the machine and partaking in their research, you found yourself standing there in shock. 

You already suspected Hoseok also shared the same sentiment Jin held but to hear him indirectly confirm them had your heart bottoming to the soles of your feet. The guilt that used to only stem from Jin and Taehyung's confession came back to you like a blow to the head.

Jin then walked away, you followed to see him approach an increasingly concerned Hoseok who watched his hyung march up to him with an indistinguishable fire in his eyes.

“Hoba, I found a way.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Found a way? To-to what exactly?”

“They have the technology to figure out if we're actually untethered or not.”

Everyone's eyes widened. Jimin had woken up from his nap and turned his head to his hyungs, shocked by what he had heard. Taehyung's jaw hung open, looking around in bewilderment before he stood to walk around the rest of the boys and into the stunned Hoseok on the other side of the seats to engulf him in a hug.

Even Manager Sejin who had been talking to the lawyer he brought with him had turned to listen to the conversation.

“H-Hyung—”

“I've already talked to the doctor who will be overseeing our examination and all they ask of us is our blood then the resul—”

“No.”

Seokjin’s shine dims with the atmosphere as his smile falls. Taehyung pulls away, more astounded than he was before as he stares at him in disbelief.

“Hyung?”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Seokjin stammers out in disbelief.

Hoseok lets out a defeated sigh. “What if it came out as negative? I've already accepted my status. I-I don't want to raise my hopes up only to come down to the same result we’re all expecting.”

“It doesn't hurt to try Hoba,” Seokjin said softer this time as he placed a hand on his shoulder. “Try it with me, please . If it's negative, at least we can lament together.”

The younger man stared up at his hyung, conflicted. For a while, all Hoseok did was look back into the fire in Seokjin’s eyes, searching for an answer only he knew the questions to before he let out a defeated sigh and stand, motioning to his hyung to lead him the way.

Everyone waited for them to return, ordering a diabolical amount of fast food to eat for lunch as the two were taken to the testing area. You took the seat next to Yoongi, making sure you’re far away from the practically vibrating Tae and Jungkook staring at you with wide, puppy eyes. 

It's only 10am at that point yet your energy tank is drier than the sahara and non-existent as a stress-free day. When the two returned, you were already slumped down on Yoongi's shoulder half asleep.

The day unfortunately, didn't end there.

After your soulmarks were registered, you all went to BigHit for a meeting and you thanked the high heavens no one from your department had seen you enter the conference room with the boys and a lawyer.

Minhyuk had asked you why there'll be a company party at dinner but no birthday boy will be showing up. You lied and told him that Jungkook’s going back to Busan to celebrate his birthday with his family. Jihye had also questioned your absence and you had apologized to her, knowing how often you've been going for leaves these past few weeks.

She says it's fine but you still feel bad anyways.

The meeting was short yet it felt like centuries had passed until you were freed. Just a couple of rules being laid like you being unable to tend to Jimin and Taehyung makeup anymore, the living situation where you'd be moved to the Bangtan dorms, and who else would be allowed to know about the connections between you and the boys.

Thankfully, they had approved letting your three friends know once you reasoned that they'll be able to save you once people began to question your aversion to touching Jimin and Taehyung in the future.

By the time you had trudge into your room, you were beyond the word exhaustion. Brain far too fogged up you to pick up on the blaring red lights in your mind as the world swirled around you and you fell face first into your bed.

You chalked it up to your sleepless night and the emotional stress you've gone through these past few days so imagine your shock when you wake up and find yourself in a sterile and white room whose ceiling lights burned your eyes the moment they opened again.

It was so bright and so white, you remember passing out before you came here and all you could feel now was bliss, as if the heavy baggage you've collected from last week and last night had been lifted off your form.

As if you were in heaven .

“G-God?”

“No, it's Min Yoongi. Open your eyes, brat.”

The haze clears at his gruff voice and you begin to hear the stable beeping echoing in the hollow room. There's a heavy weight wounded loosely around your waist as well on your legs, turning your head, you were faced with the peaceful but almost colorless face of Jimin, his usually plush pink lips now pale and chaffed as his body trembled next to you; you were shaking too.

Turning to Yoongi to ask him what happened, you find your hand entangled with his. His impassive face now laced with concern and there were dark bags hanging under his eyes as if he hadn't been sleeping for a while.

“What the hell happened?”

TAGLIST: @wildestdreamsblog @canarystwin @prettywheenicry @jmnscutie @sassy-snassy @misuguru @11thenightwemet11 @yoongibaybee @rinkud @bri602 @igetcarriedawaywithyou @marvel-potter-1d-korea @comingupwithacoolnameishard @sooha-neul @juju-227592 @coffeewanderer

[lilithlounge]

Lilith in the Birth Chart: Where You Refuse to Bow Down

First of all, how is the eclipse energy treating you guys 👀?

Black Moon Lilith represents the raw, unfiltered parts of us that refuse to conform. She is the voice that says no when the world expects submission, the untamed fire of sexuality, defiance, and unclaimed power. In the birth chart, Lilith reveals where we challenge societal expectations, where we are feared or misunderstood, and where we reclaim what was once denied. Uh...let’s break it down by house:

Lilith in the Houses: The Shadow & The Power

1st House: The rebel at first sight. You exude mystery, intensity, and an almost intimidating allure. Others project their fears or desires onto you, often misjudging you before they even know you. You challenge norms by simply existing.

2nd House: Power and defiance are tied to self-worth and material security. You refuse to be owned or controlled, and you challenge traditional ideas of wealth, pleasure, and value. Sensual, yet unwilling to conform to others' expectations of your body and desires.

3rd House: Words are your weapon. You challenge authority through knowledge, communication, or even controversy. You may have been silenced as a child, but as you grow, your voice becomes impossible to ignore.

4th House: The black sheep of the family. You may have grown up feeling like the outsider, or there were hidden truths in your home life. Lilith here is about reclaiming emotional safety on your own terms.

5th House: Unapologetic self-expression. Creativity, romance, and pleasure are areas where you refuse to be tamed. You attract intense lovers who either worship you or fear your power. You love boldly, and that can be both magnetic and intimidating.

6th House: Rebellion in routine. You reject authority in workplaces, challenge outdated systems, and refuse to conform to standard ideas of health and productivity. You work best when you set your own rules.

7th House: Power struggles in relationships. You attract partners who fear your independence or try to control you. You are meant to break free from toxic dynamics and find partnerships that respect your strength.

8th House: Lilith thrives here. This is the dark, seductive, transformative energy that makes others obsessed. You hold deep knowledge of the taboo, sex, death, the occult. People may fear your ability to see through them.

9th House: Defiance through philosophy, religion, and beliefs. You question everything, challenge dogma, and refuse to be told what to think. Freedom is your birthright, and you will fight for it.

10th House: The one they can’t control. You’re a powerhouse in your career, but you might face opposition from authority figures who feel threatened by you. Your reputation is often polarized, people either admire or fear your presence.

11th House: You challenge social norms and redefine what community means. You may feel like an outsider but hold the power to create revolutionary movements. Lilith here means your presence shifts the collective mindset.

12th House: The unseen, mystical, and forbidden. Your Lilith is hidden from the world, manifesting in dreams, subconscious fears, or deep spiritual power. You must reclaim what was buried, intuition, sensuality, and the ability to break free from past-life wounds.

Where’s your Lilith? How does she show up in your life? Book your reading now and let’s talk about it 🖤. Buy Me A Coffee, Ko-fi

[cryptotheism]

There are hundreds of different paramasonic sects, each with their own spin on Masonic doctrine, secret teachings, and magical ideas. Even early on, Masonic groups were incorporating concepts from Christian Theosophy, Spiritual Alchemy, and Theurgy. Some tied their mythology to the wisdom of the Alchemists, others to the Knights Templar, others to the Kabbalists and Cabalists, others still to a newly-rediscovered ancient Egyptian religion. These different threads of thought constantly split off, recombine, and intermingle in ways that are fascinating, but frankly make them a pain in the ass to summarize.

This is compounded by their penchant for self-mythologizing. Paramasonic groups love to create faux-historical documents about how their particular sect is the ancientest order with the wisest wisdom and the secretest secrets. As an occultist, I understand. This is par for the course. The kayfabe of ancient secret wisdom is an essential marketing tool. Who would join a secret society founded last tuesday? But as a pop-historian, I cannot help but feel I am the butt of the joke. I could spend the rest of this book attempting to trace Masonic lineages through the colleges and salons of Europe, painstakingly teasing Masonic history from Masonic mythology. I will settle for an outline.

Paramasonic History, today on patreon

[jessamine-rose]

˖⋆˚♱ଘ Angel’s Tears ଓ♱˚⋆˖

*cries* I thought I was done with Church AU after Priest! Dottore yet here I am with more unholy ideas. Welp, Guardian Angel! Capitano x Nonbeliever! Darling, here we go (；ω；)

Tw:: yandere, psychological trauma, blood, violence, death, religious abuse, MDNI

Note:: fictional depictions of religion

♡ 3.8k words under the cut ♡

♡ From the moment of their creation, angels are classified into the Nine Orders. This hierarchy determines their roles in Heaven and Earth, with higher ranks assigned greater levels of power and authority. A special exception is The Strongest Angel, an individual who is neither a Seraph nor an angel from the First Sphere. Rather, the moniker belongs to Il Capitano, the leader of the Powers.

♡ The legitimacy of his title has never been questioned. As a warrior angel, Capitano’s purpose is to vanquish evil. He is the chivalrous knight in bloodstained armor, the nigh-invincible being who strikes fear into the hearts of demons, the ever-righteous angel bound by a paradoxical duty to partake in violence for the sake of everlasting peace.

♡ It is in a small town in Mondstadt, following his victory over a legion of demons, that Capitano encounters you. It is the hour of mass yet you are nowhere near the Church; rather, you have taken sanctuary in a secluded meadow. A book sits on your lap, not a religious text but a tale of dark fantasy. There is a saintlike quality to your countenance, an air of melancholy as delicate as the flowers which surround you.

✿ ⚘

The moment Capitano appears before you, all peace leaves the meadow.

No, this isn’t right. It is normal for humans to feel fear in the divine presence of angels, yet he is donning his human guise. Nonetheless, as soon as his shadow touches your form, you look up and suppress a shriek, your face losing its veil of apathy.

So what exactly did he do wrong?

For your benefit, he remains rooted to his spot. Clarity comes in the form of your gaze flitting to your book, its title printed on the cover in conspicuous letters, the whispers which leave trembling lips.

“I…I can explain! This book—it’s just fiction! There are no real curses or spells inscribed in the text; it doesn’t promote any form of blasphemy!”

Ah, now he understands. You weren’t afraid of him.

Carefully, Capitano takes a step forward and raises his hand in a calming gesture. A gentle expression adorns his false face.

“Be not afraid.”

✿ ⚘

♡ It doesn’t take long for him to understand your wariness. A glimpse into your soul, paired with your quiet explanation, tells the story of an orphan raised by the Church. Only, your Church is one of many founded on distorted beliefs, of violence preached in the name of a cruel god. As a result, your upbringing was marked by strict rules, corporal punishments, and sermons which painted the image of a hopeless child with a weakness for temptation.

♡ Knowing this, Capitano can’t fault you for forsaking God and your Church. Still in his human guise, he promises his silence and leaves the meadow. But once he returns to Heaven, his first course of action is to apply for a position as your guardian angel. It is an easy process—while that role is typically reserved for the lower ranks, there is no shortage of humans in need of spiritual guidance and protection. He only questions why an angel wasn’t assigned to you when you were in greatest need of one.

♡ Henceforth, Capitano becomes a recurring character in your life. Every week, he visits you in the meadow. When you ask for his identity, he claims to be a progressive believer from another town. But rather than enlighten you with the true Word of God, he simply keeps you company and indulges your “vices,” leading to hours spent reading together. Beyond those meetings, he also watches over you to ward off any demons or humans seeking to harm you.

♡ From your end, you slowly warm up to your mysterious companion. He is a man of few words, but his actions always convey a sense of kindness. And despite his faith, he genuinely respects your beliefs and accepts you as you are. At one point, he even gives you a special gift, a quill pen of exceptional quality. The feather, pure white with a soft radiance, must have been sourced from a rare bird of prey.

♡ Over time, however, something changes. Capitano can’t deny that the faults lies with him. His visits, his constant thoughts of you, the ever-blurring line between want and duty…nothing of his behavior can be attributed to an angel’s inherent love for humanity. If that were the case, his love wouldn’t beget heartache. His love wouldn’t beget the temptation to harm others, rooted not in the name of justice but for your own safety. His love wouldn’t beget lust, guilt, dishonor, desires so sinfully evocative of his own fallibility.

♡ The truth is, you were never in need of spiritual salvation. From the moment he first laid eyes on you, what Capitano saw was a pure soul—a good person unlikely to commit evil nor fall into true temptation. Moreover, he knows that your sin of disbelief is forgivable unlike your Church’s sins of violence. That so long as you remain as you are, your soul will not be denied paradise, albeit in a realm of Heaven beyond Capitano’s jurisdiction. So why is he incapable of leaving your side?

✿ ⚘

“I had a long, long dream. I dreamed that you and I met again in the pure white world that we created.”

As you read the final line, your gaze leaves the book and returns to Capitano.

“What did you think of the story?”

Your shoulder brushes against his own, a tempting sensation. It is all he can do to remain still, to think against seeking out more of your touch, to remind himself that your close proximity is a mere necessity for your current activity.

The left side of the book, bearing the story’s ending, rests in your left hand. The other side is held in Capitano’s right hand, a blank page devoid of hope for a happy ending. When he turns the page, you seamlessly catch it under your thumb to show the next page.

Who knew of the casual intimacies imbued in the act of reading together?

“It was a well-written novel,” he says simply. “Though her sins tarnished her honor, Rosalyne’s sacrifice was an act of love. Her loss did not hinder her faithfulness to Rostam.”

“I feel the same way,” you muse. “Now I understand why this book was banned centuries ago. Forbidden love between angels and humans…it certainly goes against what the Church taught us about angels. I have to give the author credit for their imagination.”

It’s just the two of you again, this time in the library. At the start of winter, you invited Capitano to your workplace. There, in your greatest show of trust, you brought him to a secret room dedicated to texts banned by the Church for promoting “blasphemy.” Fantasy, erotica, anti-Church publications, first editions of censored books, stories which merely deviated from the Church’s popular depictions of spiritual beings.

Molten Moment belongs to the last category. Little do you know that it was based on a true story, that the author had really formed a pact with a demon called La Signora. Capitano himself is mentioned in the story under his true name.

He was one of the few angels who noticed the changes in Rosalyne’s behavior. She used to be a Throne, an angel with no connection to Earth nor humanity. Yet by some twist of fate, she laid eyes on a brave knight from Mondstadt and began to meet him in her human guise.

He was the first to hear of Rosalyne’s sin, that being she saved Rostam’s life during a battle. It was a direct violation of God’s orders: Angels and demons may influence humans, but they are forbidden from directly altering a human’s lifespan.

He was a silent witness to Rosalyne’s descent. She fell from Heaven, burned by her own flames, yet she had never appeared more ecstatic. In the following years, she married Rostam and lived a happy life with him on Earth.

He was the last to recognize Rostam’s soul at the pearly gates, forever separated from his fallen lover. Such had been Rosalyne’s divine punishment, worsened by her knowledge of this possibility. But what else was she to do? To let Rostam know of her true nature? To drag his soul down to Hell, where he’d be subjected to an eternity of undeserved suffering?

Capitano is no fool. As he read Molten Moment, he began to understand Rosalyne’s sin in a new light. Half the time, he couldn’t even concentrate on the text, his human eyes repeatedly drifting to your intense reading expression.

He closes the book, leaving it in your sole grasp. But before he can stand up from the sofa, you scoot closer and lean your weight on him. The book is placed on a nearby table, forgotten.

“Do you mind?” you whisper. Your right hand, empty since the prologue, traces his left hand.

A moment of silence precedes his response. “You may.”

Wordlessly, you take his hand and intertwine your fingers. A gesture of intimacy, an unspoken confession. Yet as he savors your touch, Capitano wonders if you would harbor the same level of comfort around his true form.

He doubts it. As a Power, he bears an inhuman appearance on par with that of his superiors. It is his true image which has earned him the title of monster by witnessing humans.

Still, he allows himself to indulge in the blessing that is your oblivion. When you look into his two human eyes, there is a soft light in your gaze wholly free of fear.

“Spring is coming soon,” you mutter. “I can’t wait to see the flowers again. Come to think of it, there’s a variety of narcissus which grows only in late spring. It’s very pretty.”

Against his better judgment, Capitano strengthens his grip on your hand. “Shall I take it as an invitation to resume our meetings in the meadow?”

“Sure.” That is when you look up, a small smile adorning your face. “And if you can’t visit for whatever reason, I’ll pick a bouquet and preserve it for you.”

For once, Capitano is rendered speechless.

Rarely do you ever smile. Even to him, you retain your listless disposition—whether it is out of habit or lingering distance, he has yet to discern your reasons. But that is what makes it all the more special, those few instances when he is beholden to your expressions.

He wonders if this is what humans feel in the divine presence of angels, when they are borne witness to all things holy and beautiful.

Your smile is a phenomenon reserved only for the worthiest of souls. And in your grace, he has never felt more undeserving.

✿ ⚘

♡ At the end of winter, a religious war is authorized by the Church of Mondstadt. Shortly after the news reaches your town, Capitano informs you that he will be busy with “work.” He says it during another reading date, featuring Heart of Clear Springs. Before leaving, he kisses your hand and gives you a kind smile. There is a sad look in his eyes, but you don’t inquire further.

♡ In late spring, your town is attacked. With the entire area under fire, from your home to the meadow, you find yourself running back to the sacred building which you’d avoided for years. After all, though the enemy soldiers belong to a different denomination, they still worship the same god as you. In the present, the church is the only place on Earth where you can claim asylum and pray for your survival.

♡ Except every entrance is locked, including the doors to the orphanage. As the army reaches the town square, all you can do is bang on the front doors and beg to be let in. From inside, you can hear the voices of the people that luckily attended mass before the invasion. Some tell you to hide elsewhere, others beg you for forgiveness, a few sound like the nuns and caretakers who tormented you in the past.

♡ Before you can think of another sanctuary, a soldier strikes you. Pain…it has never felt more intense. Through your fading consciousness, you register your body falling and your head hitting the concrete. Blood pools from your forehead and trickles down the steps of the church, tainting it red.

♡ Life flashes before your eyes in a blurry sequence. The static images of God, sermons and bruises, unanswered prayers, people who never believed you or simply didn’t care. A birthday celebrated with your departure from the Church. Sanctuary found in the library followed by the meadow. Yet the numbness remained, each day bleeding into the next in a gloomy haze. In all those years, did you ever feel God’s love?

♡ It doesn’t matter at this point. A small part of you wonders if you should have retained your faith, continued your prayers, sought out salvation in the safety of your solitude. At least then, at the hour of your death, you wouldn’t be confronted with the fact of your humanity. The primal fear of death, the spiritual fear of ending up in Hell no matter Capitano’s reassurances.

♡ Capitano…where is he? Weakly, you call out to him but he doesn’t appear. Of course, why would he? You should feel thankful; it means he is probably safe, wherever he is. Still, you can’t help but wish he were here—if not to save you, as he has done by simply keeping you company, but to comfort you one last time. And those are the thoughts which plague you in your final moments, an unheard prayer on the tip of your tongue.

“I pray that we meet again, myself and the first person who truly loved me.”

♡ ______ died on a cloudy day, one of many people persecuted in the name of God. After the Church was destroyed and its followers slaughtered, their body was buried in a mass grave that once flourished with nature. There was a poignant quality to their countenance, an air of distress as transient as the flowers planted above them.

♡ At least, that is how your story ends from the perspectives of the survivors. But to the angels and demons who witnessed the destruction of your town, your death was only the end of a chapter in your life. In their eyes, Capitano had been present all throughout, an invisible witness to your death, absolute in his refusal to perform an unauthorized miracle.

♡ He remained by your side until the light faded from your eyes. That was when he took notice of the bouquet of narcissus clutched in your hand, tainted with blood despite your feeble efforts to save his gift. A soldier approached your corpse, intending to drag it down the steps for burial; but before they could touch you, Capitano appeared before them.

♡ It was only for a brief second, but the soldier drew back and cowered in fear. In the following days, they were haunted by the memory of the angelic figure who appeared outside the Church of Mondstadt. Or more precisely, the monster who prayed over a bloodstained corpse and took a bouquet of ruined flowers out of their grasp.

✿ ⚘

From the moment you wake up, all peace leaves the meadow.

What happened? Your memory comes back in hazy fragments—death, darkness, blinding light, pearly gates, ethereal figures. Most vivid is the sensation of strong arms and soft feathers, a familiar warmth which accompanied you throughout your journey.

As for your current surroundings, you are in a meadow so beautiful that it brings to mind the Garden of Eden. Flowers of every variety bloom across the scenery, some out of season. The sky is bright, sunless, a canvas of multiple colors. There are no other signs of life.

Internally, too, something feels off. A nearby pond provides a glimpse of your reflection—white garments, gold scars in place of your fatal injuries, your disoriented countenance. If this place is what you think it is…shouldn’t you feel at peace, happy even? And why are you alone?

Your gaze lands on a patch of flowers. Pure white, perianth petals, cup-shaped coronas…the same type of narcissus which grew in your favorite meadow. The flowers point in different directions, as though searching for a sun that does not exist.

“You are awake.”

A shadow touches your form, engulfing you in darkness. It bears a large, unrecognizable shape but such details evade you as you recognize the voice behind you.

“Capitano!” Immediately, you turn around, only to gasp and suppress a scream.

The person before you…can you even call him human? He is incredibly tall, to the point that you must crane your neck to see his face—assuming there is one beneath his iron mask. His body is clad in silver armor, stained blood in some places. A halo, shaped like a crown of thorns, shines behind his head.

But what shocks you are his wings. A single pair covered in radiant white feathers and eerily dark blue eyes. Each eye seems to glow with an uncanny aura.

Dark blue eyes with a striking resemblance to Capitano’s. What more for his long black hair and his solemn manner of speaking?

It doesn’t make your revelation any less unsettling.

“Capitano.” Your voice comes out in a nervous whisper. “Is it really you? You’re a…”

“An angel,” he confesses. He takes a step back, widening the distance between your bodies. “I ask that you pardon my appearance. Such was my sacrifice—for my true form, in all of its monstrosity, to be my sole image.”

His human face comes to mind, along with the kind gaze you fell in love with.

You feel the weight of multiple gazes on you. “What do you mean?”

“Is this realm to your satisfaction?” he asks. “I beseeched God to create a special paradise for you, cut off from the rest of Heaven. The price is that your capacity to feel negative emotions remains in this realm…though that is preferable.”

Preferable? How so? Right now, you can barely process what he is telling you. You are dead. Your companion is an angel. Your soul is in paradise, but not exactly.

After everything you’ve been through, you were still deemed worthy of a place in Heaven.

“I am sorry.”

Capitano’s voice brings you back to reality. He has never sounded more serious, emotional, repentant. And when you look up…

Is he crying?

Most of his eyes remain open, focusing on you with a fervent stare. But others are downcast, as if unable to face you. And a few appear glossy, blinking back iridescent tears.

“I am truly sorry.” He bows his head in shame, wings folded. “What I did to you was cruel, an absolute injustice.”

You don’t know which eyes to make contact with. “You—”

“It must have been painful,” he continues. “Even if I were to justify my actions, the truth lies in the fact that I tolerated your suffering for my own selfish desires. And that is why I ask not for your forgiveness, knowing I am the one at fault.”

Silence. In light of Capitano’s confession, all you can do is stare at him and comprehend the weight of your situation. What exactly are you supposed to feel, knowing his betrayal? Knowing that regardless of your feelings, you have nowhere else to go in the afterlife?

Yet despite it all, your prayer came true. The two of you were able to meet again.

And that is what compels you to take a step forward, to come closer until you are standing in front of him. “Hey, it’s…don’t cry.”

A delicate sensation blesses his wings—your hands carefully tracing his feathers to wipe away his tears. Several eyes widen in surprise, but all he can see in your gaze is sympathy.

“I’ll admit, it was painful,” you tell him. “Dying alone. But maybe it’s…better this way. If I survived, I’d have to deal with the loss of my home. And who knows what kind of living hell the other Church would’ve put me through?”

Above all, Capitano is the only person whose love you can believe in.

Hesitantly, you take his hand and intertwine your fingers. The next words to leave your lips are spoken with certainty, bringing fresh tears to his eyes.

“I’m sure it was an act of love on your part.”

His reaction is sudden, incurring your surprise. But all you can do is surrender to Capitano’s embrace, allow his free arm to hold your waist and pull you closer to him. His wings wrap around you, caging you in soft feathers and eerie blue orbs.

“Capitano?” You can only look up at him, peering into the contents of his mask.

…It’s like staring into an abyss, a night sky dotted with twinkling blue stars. But in the absence of a human likeness, his words express what a face cannot.

“Never again,” he vows, “shall I allow harm to befall you. That is a promise.”

The hand on your waist moves upwards to caress your face. His touch is light, more hesitant than his previous gestures.

“You need not serve God nor partake in fruitful labor like the other souls in Heaven. All I ask is that you rest, indulge yourself, enjoy this paradise to the fullest.”

A flower is pinned to his armor, right above his heart. You recognize it instantly—a narcissus in full bloom, stained with your blood.

“If you desire a flower, it shall grow at once. If there are any books you would like to read, they shall be brought to you shortly.”

What was the name of that variety again? Narcissus triandrus. Angel’s tears.

“If you are in need of my presence, I shall appear before you, so long as I am not in the midst of battle. And should you ever desire the opposite, I can promise my distance.”

When Capitano looks into your eyes, all he can see is his own reflection. Whatever emotion colors your gaze, it casts his true image in a compassionate light.

“I shall do everything in my power to bring you joy for all of eternity. Such will be my penance.”

“...All right.” With that, you close your eyes and lean into his touch. He feels warm, comfortingly familiar. “I’ll trust you on that.”

Rest in peace, ______.

Think not of your mortal body in the beginning stages of decay.

Think not of your tormentors who are paying for their sins in Hell.

Think only of eternity with your beloved savior.

♡

More Church AU here!! Dottore ๑ Arlecchino ๑ Pantalone ๑ Pierro ๑ Dainsleif

Note:: Please do not send me any Church AU asks/ requests involving other characters or dynamics who are not listed in my masterlist.

Aahhhh it's done....this idea turned out much heavier than expected, but I'm glad that I was able to write this!! I hope you all cried over enjoyed the story of Angel! Capitano and his damsel. They were truly a delight to write for~

Tag a Capitano enjoyer!! @diodellet @navxry @leftdestiny-posts @beloved-blaiddyd @bye-bye-sunbird @yandere-romanticaa @harmonysanreads @mochinon-yah @oofasleep @micchikari @whispereons @thescribeoflostmemories

[dreamdolldiary]

#𝟏𝟎𝟎𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

This is how we are NOT going to wait until the new year (or a new whatever) to be the best version of ourselves, we are going to change now.

When you want to change, change. Don't wait for anything.

There are about 100 days until the new year. That is 3 months. You can get so much done within that timeframe.

But with the "new year" aside, please know that there is absolutely no rush to improve. It can be July and you can still decide to "reinvent" yourself. This is just a fun thing to do and keep track of.

Not a "challenge" but a way to stay accountable for your goals for a better you.

୨୧ Here is how we are going to absolutely kill it!

1. Pick a number of goals (3-4, both small and large) for every aspect of your life.

Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, professional, personal.

Physical: 10k steps a day, working on being sober, moving your body around more, getting into bed earlier, reducing screen time, cooking healthier meals, brushing your hair, wearing the nice clothes you're saving for a "special occasion", trying out new looks and clothes, venturing out new styles, upgrading your basic hygiene routine, celibacy, drink more water

Mental: writing down your thoughts, keeping track of your emotions both negative and positive and what triggers them. Get rid of the negative triggers and bring in more of the positive triggers.

Emotional: getting in touch with a therapist, dedicating a journal to release you emotions instead of bottling them in, talking to friends, anger management

Professional: working 1 hour or more of deep work to improve your skills, networking events

Personal: find your old hobbies, discover new ones, pleaseee get a hobby. seriously! trying out new restaurants and cafes, complimenting people and be open to making new friends.

Spiritual: meditation, prayers to yourself or religion you are a part of, nature/solitude walks. These are super important, it brings you peace of mind and a time to really be with yourself and be at peace after your jam packed days

Finance: learn how to budget, no impulse spending, learn how to invest, find a way to increase your income

Important habits to have: waking up and going to bed early, planning your next day, having a set routine and freedom to change it to fit your priorities

Important skills to build: time management and how to focus better

These are just some ideas and I know looking at this list can be overwhelming so you need to remember and understand that you are not going to be doing every single one of these every single day. You are going to pick a few from each category (and seriously, if you think about it, I discuss this in the next section about time blocking, it really does not take a lot of time. Trust me.) and include them into your daily routine.

2. Setting up reasonable time blocks for these goals. Revamp your schedule to fit your goals around your life.

Getting up early is how you get more done in a day. Yes, you can reach your goals even with a full time job.

I work almost 12 hour shifts every week day while taking care of kids, my dog, basically running a household and I still get so much done.

So you've picked your goals. Great. Now take a look at your schedule and figure out what things are taking up most of your time. Is it a long commute? Spending too much time scrolling on your phone? Waking up late? Going to bed late?

Example of time blocking/a schedule:

☆ Mornings:

4am-5am: exercise, pray/meditate

5am-7am: study

8am-4pm: get ready for the day and go to work.

during your work break, you can read a book, get steps in, meditate, have a nice meal.

☆ Evenings:

4pm-5pm: get back from work, eat, catch up with family or have alone time

5pm-7pm: review any notes, clean, meal prep, attend a class you may have, do laundry

7pm-9pm: plan the next day if you have appointment or deadlines, shower, go to bed

Assess how you spend your time and utilize it. Instead of scrolling on your phone during your free time, spend time with your loved ones (pets, kids, partner), instead of staying in one place while you're on a call, walk around to get steps in, there is always a way to implement your goals into your daily life.

Notice how I say fit your goals around your life. You don't want to be taking away important things like errands, jobs, school, being a parent just meet your goals- no. Use your time wisely. That's all. You can fit them.

On the larger goals like taking up a class/large skill, like dancing and painting. On fridays, you'll have dance class and on other days that you have free, you'll be painting a piece or reading your anticipated book, learning a language, trying out a new recipe, planning the next day, taking a spontaneous art class, etc!

Weekends.

Because I work a lot, I like to use weekends to really do deep work. Intensive study sessions. And because I deep work (work with no distractions) I don't need to study all day. I'm getting so much done in little time that I'll be done by the afternoon and I can go out and do errands, get all dressed up and have a nice day out in the city, or just have a relaxing day by doing chores, watching a nice movie and more!

3. Setting up a system so you can actually stick to those goals.

Keep a journal to keep track of what you did today. If you didn't reach a goal that day (and that's okay), ask yourself why? and how does it make you feel? Then take action on what you can do to reach it tomorrow.

Switching. We all know it’s best to not push yourself so hard. For example, don’t do intense exercise everyday. Walking and dancing throughout the day counts as exercise too, so by switching (depending on YOUR goals), you’ll have time for your other goals as well. Here is an example: on a rest day of no exercising, maybe that day is the night I have a ballet class. That is exercise as well. So instead of exercising in the very early hours of my day, I can use that time instead to do more studying OR have more time doing something else.

which means I can do one do the following: spend more time with my pet, read a few pages of my book, make a new recipe, etc.

Ex. 4am-5am - on a no-exercise day, i can study during that time instead. 6am-7am - more time to tackle my other goals.

Create a foundation. If you have an amazing day, felt very productive and accomplished, what's a habit that really helped? For me, it's always getting up early. If I wake up late because I slept late or my alarm didn't go off, my day is thrown off by a landslide. So if you had an off day, figure out why and maybe your foundation can help.

★ That’s all!

If you have questions or need an example to jump off from, click below to read more on how I personally did my reset and how I am still able to get much more done with a full time job.

Stay safe, prospering, and amazing!

Share your accountability posts with the tag #100DaysWithDDD or we can chat through my inbox if you need extra tips, questions or want to share how you're doing/did.

I will be logging my days too, you can find my goals here.

Welcome, welcome!

Here is an example of what I did when I did my reset and still doing now with working.

I chose my goals. I was studying deeply, spending more time with my dog who I felt bad would be bored during my study hours, be more active, get through my books.

How did I start? First of all I got up earlier and went to bed earlier. I noticed that I focus better in the mornings so I would stretch, workout and started studying. Next, I would get ready (nice clothes, my face is clear, hair is brushed), take my dog out, play with him, etc and head to work. See? I already tackled so many of my goals there! Physical, personal, and professional.

Want to get more books in, want to meditate, want to journal? Listen to an audiobook or podcast while you drive, commute, or have a lunch break at school or work. Or don't. Sit in silence and let your mind wander, let those unconscious ideas come up! That's also a form of meditation and having more creative skills.

During my study breaks, I would stretch, walk my dog. Another break, I catch up with the kids, do any short tasks like laundry, mini tidying up. Any break, at all I would do micro-task.

I stopped doing useless things like spending so much time on my phone for what? If I was truly bored, I had done all my tasks but I didn't feel like getting up or doing anything, I would go on my phone... to clean out apps and my camera roll (which has A LOT of things on it I still need to get through). That's the only time I would go on my phone really. The lack of storage on my phone makes it lag- I'm heavily scolding my past hoarder self for keeping so many photos on there

If you work a desk job, get up for phone calls, take laps when there is nothing to do, just get your body moving! Stretch! There is always something to do, you just have to know how and what.

[blissfulvixen]

Habit Ideas Masterlist

Body care

• Consistent skincare routine

• Remove makeup before bed

• Dry brushing

• Put on lotion or oil after shower

• Hair masks

• Drink 2L or more of water a day

• Get split ends trimmed

• Keep nails clean and maintained

• Wear SPF on your face and body

Therapeutic

• Journal daily/weekly

• Curate your social media feed

• Meditate before bed

• Sing, cry, shake, run, dance, stim, draw, paint - let it out!

• Talk to someone you trust

• Listen to an affirmative podcast

• Advocate for yourself

• Pet an animal

• Go for a walk or run

Movement

• Try YouTube yoga videos

• Pilates

• Dynamic stretching before workouts

• Incline walking on treadmill

• Walks in your area

• Weightlifting

• Pinterest workouts

• HIIT training

•Calisthenics

Mealtime

• Don’t follow fad diets

• Listen to your hunger cues

• Eat foods that nourish and energize

• Learn the recommended protein intake for your body

• Take time to learn about what ingredients are in your food

• Take multivitamins or supplements

Intellectual

• Listen to podcasts

• Read for 10 mins nightly

• Carry a notepad with you for ideas

• Use a planner

• Annotate books you read

At Home

• Satin or silk pillowcases

• Invest in your home as your sanctuary

• Declutter on a regular basis

• Change your sheets weekly

Financial

• Use a budgeting app

• Build and monitor your credit

• Pay off small debt first

• Start an emergency fund

• Open a Roth IRA and contribute a small amount monthly

Social

• Find a pen-pal

• Practice a language on Duolingo

• Set and maintain clear boundaries

• Create a blog/vlog

Spiritual

• Burn incense or candles

• Pray

• Meditate

• Read about your religion or beliefs

• Connect in spiritual/religious online spaces and communities

• Spend time in nature

[astrologydray]

♐️Sagittarius Mc in the each of the degrees♐️

If you have a Sagittarius Midheaven (MC), your career and public image are influenced by Sagittarius’s themes of freedom, exploration, higher learning, and adventure. You likely thrive in roles that allow for expansion, knowledge, travel, and philosophical pursuits. Sagittarius MC individuals often find success in teaching, travel-related industries, publishing, law, philosophy, or anything that encourages exploration of new horizons.

• 0° Sagittarius (Aries Point) – A powerful, expansive public image, likely to gain recognition through global pursuits, travel, or higher education. Could thrive in publishing, law, or international relations.

• 1° Sagittarius – A natural philosopher and teacher. Likely to find success in academia, teaching, or adventure-related fields such as travel writing or tourism.

• 2° Sagittarius – Deeply curious and drawn to exploring different cultures. Could work in travel, international business, or cultural exchange programs.

• 3° Sagittarius – Focused on freedom and expansion; could thrive in coaching, motivational speaking, or media.

• 4° Sagittarius – Drawn to exploration and new ideas. Likely to work in publishing, journalism, or law, especially in international or educational contexts.

• 5° Sagittarius – A strong communicator and storyteller. Likely to find success in writing, film, or media.

• 6° Sagittarius – Focused on sharing knowledge and wisdom. May work in education, spiritual guidance, or the legal field.

• 7° Sagittarius – A natural in public speaking and teaching; may thrive in roles that involve philosophy, law, or international travel.

• 8° Sagittarius – A deep interest in global issues or transformational travel. Could excel in nonprofits, social justice, or global business.

• 9° Sagittarius – Attracted to broadening your horizons, especially through studying or traveling. Likely to work in academia, philosophy, or international relations.

• 10° Sagittarius – A dynamic public presence. Likely to work in leadership, media, or entrepreneurship, where a broad vision is needed.

• 11° Sagittarius – Socially and politically minded. Likely to find success in activism, humanitarian work, or global business ventures.

• 12° Sagittarius – An explorer at heart, likely to work in adventure tourism, philosophy, or publishing.

• 13° Sagittarius – Focused on expanding knowledge and experience. Could thrive in education, coaching, or travel-related work.

• 14° Sagittarius – Attracted to broad, visionary ideas. Likely to succeed in media, broadcasting, or international law.

• 15° Sagittarius – A deep love of exploration and philosophy. Likely to work in religion, spirituality, or international relations.

• 16° Sagittarius – A deep thinker, especially about truth and justice. Likely to excel in law, higher education, or foreign affairs.

• 17° Sagittarius – A lifelong learner. Likely to thrive in academic roles, book publishing, or any profession that involves the spread of knowledge.

• 18° Sagittarius – Attracted to the adventurous side of life, possibly through travel writing, tourism, or cultural exploration.

• 19° Sagittarius – Focused on broadening your horizons intellectually and spiritually. Likely to work in academia, foreign diplomacy, or counseling.

• 20° Sagittarius – A natural leader with a focus on expansion and vision. Could find success in entrepreneurship, media, or publishing.

• 21° Sagittarius – Drawn to exploration and learning. Likely to succeed in research, spiritual teaching, or travel industry.

• 22° Sagittarius – Focused on growth and expansion of ideas. Could work in international business, media, or higher education.

• 23° Sagittarius – Highly philosophical and likely to thrive in fields such as writing, teaching, or humanitarian work.

• 24° Sagittarius – Focused on spreading knowledge, especially about truth or justice. Likely to succeed in international law, journalism, or politics.

• 25° Sagittarius – Drawn to adventure and exploration of the unknown. Likely to work in media, philosophy, or global business.

• 26° Sagittarius – Focused on broadening horizons and teaching others. Likely to succeed in academic roles, publishing, or spiritual guidance.

• 27° Sagittarius – A visionary with a focus on justice and truth. Could work in law, advocacy, or international diplomacy.

• 28° Sagittarius – Passionate about education, freedom, and expansion. Likely to work in higher education, travel, or media.

• 29° Sagittarius (Anaretic Degree) – A culmination of global exploration, philosophical wisdom, and visionary pursuits. Likely to find career success in international relations, law, or media. This degree may also bring a sense of fated destiny, pushing you to pursue a career that brings expansion, freedom, and a sense of higher purpose.

[fernwehreader]

Religious Symbolism in Gwynriel's Book

I saw an opinion yesterday about how Gwynriel’s book will include beautiful religious imagery (I believe the original post is from @winterinvelaris), and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it all day.  So, here we are with another overly lengthy ACOTAR analysis, lol.  

But I really love this idea and agree that this is likely some of what we’ll encounter in an ACOTAR 5/Gwynriel book, and I’d love to share what’s on my mind as I consider this.  [Somewhat related, I have thoughts on this as it connects to SJM’s “Guilty As Sin” instagram story from April 2024 - but I think I’m going to save that for a separate post. 🙂]

So, SJM’s academic minor at Hamilton College was in religious studies, and we know through her writing that she is well-versed when it comes to religion and mythology.  We’ve already seen some religious imagery as it pertains to Azriel and Gwyn, and I’m of the mind that we’re going to see this further explored through their novel given the groundwork SJM has laid in addition to her own interest and understanding of religious studies.  My thoughts mostly center around Azriel (which is unsurprising given my belief he’ll be the primary lead of the next novel), but I do relate some of this back to Gwyn and the priestesses, too.

What’s in a name? 

Azriel’s name (Azrael) alone has religious significance in both Judaism and Islam, known as the Angel of Death.  Azrael in Hebrew means “whom God helps.”  And, according to an EBSCOhost article (linked at the end): 

“He plays a crucial role in facilitating the transition of souls from life to death . . . In Judaism, Azrael is depicted as a formidable angel who carries out God’s orders, sometimes portrayed as a compassionate being who comforts those grieving the loss of a loved one.  In Islamic tradition, he . . . is described as one of the four archangels, tasked with separating souls from their bodies at death. . . . Azrael’s role extends beyond just death; he is believed to assist individuals during significant life transitions, providing support and solace to those navigating change.”

OK – so, obviously there is a lot here to unpack and this would be worthy of an analysis post on its own.  But clearly our Azriel’s name wasn’t just chosen based on vibes.  SJM would have been intentional about this choice many years ago, particularly as a religious studies student.  I’m also quite interested in the last part of the above quote and if it may have any relevance to Gwyn and how we find her after the Blood Rite. During the Rite, Gwyn told her sisters she "was tired" of living in the Library and seemed ready to move forward. Yet, at the end of ACOSF, Nesta tells us that Gwyn "returned to living in the library" after the Rite. So, perhaps Azriel and Gwyn may help each other through their healing journeys together, as they "navigate change" during their "significant life transitions."

Azriel’s inner struggles . . . of which there are many.

While I certainly can’t know for sure whether SJM intended for this parallel, Azriel’s sacrificial tendencies stand out to me first and foremost in terms of religious symbolism.  He silently bears pain for the good of others, for his family, for his own sense of self-worth, etc.  Do I think we are meant to look at Azriel as a Christ-like figure?  No, I don’t.  But the theme of sacrifice can certainly be rooted in religious ideas and imagery.  There is a sense of self-imposed martyrdom that seems to be at the core of Azriel’s inner struggles.

Additionally, a book centered on Azriel would almost certainly include a religious or spiritual exploration of inner transformation and finally confronting difficult emotions and truths within himself – ironic for the character who wields a blade named Truth-Teller.  Although we are meant to largely associate the idea of “Truth” with Morrigan, I often think about Azriel instead.  His role as spymaster is filled with symbolism.  He carries the weight of others' truths – but not his own.  He’s a vessel for everyone else’s confessions, and yet he rarely voices his own.

As part of this, we begin to see that Azriel has an ingrained belief that joy, love, and belonging are luxuries afforded to others, not to him.  It’s heartbreaking in ACOSF when Cassian and Azriel discuss children after finding out they will soon be uncles.  Cassian asks: 

“Do you want a child?” “It doesn’t matter what I want.”  Distant words – ones that prevented Cassian from prying further.

This reveals the depth of Azriel’s emotional repression and his disconnection – you could argue a denial of his own truth.  This does not sound like someone who is being truthful here with either Cassian or with himself.  So the next logical question is WHY?  Why does it not matter what Azriel wants?  This seems to indicate that YES, he does want a child or a family of his own.  But he has repressed this notion, this truth – perhaps as part of that self-imposed martyrdom.  

Of course, readers are well aware of his 500+ years of longing for Mor.  But the conversation above with Cassian pulls back more of the curtain and allows us to glimpse more of Azriel as we’re led into his primary POV novel.  He is ripe for a spiritual transformation based on these notions of truth and emotional repression.  A religious or spiritual arc for him would address this head-on . . . otherwise, why else would SJM be keying the reader into these glimpses of Azriel?  Because we are meant to see how Azriel grows from this.  Religious themes of transformation often include steps such as confession, forgiveness, acceptance, and rebirth.  Azriel certainly seems like he could benefit from such a journey and needs to work through these steps.  And who better to walk beside him on that journey than a literal priestess? 🙂    

Gwyn, The Priestesses, and the Library . . . SANCTUARY!  FORGIVENESS!

Religious imagery is already present as a natural part of Gwyn’s identity as a priestess – a religious term in and of itself.  But, from the moment we meet Gwyn, she allows the reader a closer glimpse of the priestess world.  While we already had some exposure to the nature of priestesses in Prythian due to Ianthe and earlier scenes in the House of Wind or with Clotho, Gwyn gives us our firmest understanding yet.  

We learn the full extent to which The Library, the space in which Gwyn lives and works (and doesn’t leave!), functions as a holy space.  And there is a specific word that keeps popping up in reference to it.

Nesta narrates in ACOSF that the Library:

“was their sanctuary, gifted to them by Rhysand.” 

Later, Cassian uses the same terminology:

“A sanctuary for females who’d endured such unspeakable horrors.”

Again, given SJM’s religious studies background, I do find the repeated use of the word “sanctuary” to be intentional instead of phrasing it more casually (“safe space,” for example).  So, this tells me that it’s worth examining more closely.

 Britannica defines “sanctuary” as a religious term which includes three descriptions:

A sacred place . . . where the divine or sacred was believed to be especially present

Through Gwyn we learn that the priestesses worship The Mother in this space, and we even get to see Gwyn sing at one of these services.  The Library is indeed a sacred place for Gwyn where she gets to bask in her love of music, and she is thrilled when she gets to share that experience with Nesta. 

Reserved for special religious functions, and a state of purity was required of participants

Hold this thought for now  . . . I’m going to come back to this when I do my analysis post on “Guilty As Sin.”

It became a place of asylum for criminals

I want to focus on this last description the most.  In this historical context, we often hear the phrase “seeking sanctuary” or “seeking asylum” as it pertains to fugitives or criminals.

While Azriel may not be a criminal in the eyes of the Night Court, he for sure seems to be a male at war with himself.  He tortures.  He kills.  He lies.  He bears secrets and pain few others could begin to understand.  Although as close readers we understand Azriel on a more nuanced level, through a moral and spiritual lens, he appears to be a contrast to “purity” – and I think it’s safe to argue that Azriel likely also views himself this way (hence, the immense display of self-hatred we see on display when he interacts with Elain and Rhys in his bonus chapter, when he looks at his hands, when he tells Cassian it doesn’t matter if he wants a child, etc.).  

So, why do I bring this up?  Well, what does Azriel do after those moments with Elain and Rhys in his bonus chapter?  He seeks sanctuary.  He flees away from his perceived danger and immediately interacts with a literal priestess.  The next day, he walks into the Library – the priestesses’ literal sanctuary and place of sacred refuge and worship and talks with the head priestess.

I do find it interesting that we get this exact phrasing regarding Azriel earlier in the series in ACOMAF.  Before the Inner Circle goes out to dinner, Feyre notes:

“I assumed Azriel was nearby, seeking sanctuary in the shadows.” 

This seems notable to me.  In the book where we first meet him, we get this very specific literary allusion to a religious practice.  Then, multiple books later, what is the place that SJM is hammering over our heads as a literal sanctuary?  The Library!

I think we’d be unwise to discount the important role that the priestesses and/or the physical Library space may serve in Azriel’s book.  Not only for the reasons above, but for what Cassian also tells us in ACOSF.  When thinking about the Library, Cassian

“wondered if Azriel’s mother had ever considered coming here, or if he’d ever pushed her to.” 

Again, my favorite question immediately follows this: SO WHAT?  Why bother mentioning this?  My money is on the fact that we will not only (finally!) meet Azriel’s mother, but the Library and the priestesses will have some part to play in her introduction . . . and, once more, this is just one more way in which Azriel and Gwyn can find connection with each other and walk together on their healing journeys.  

Lastly, relating to all this, there is also the notion that seeking asylum historically in Catholic churches was two-fold: it offered physical protection, but individuals could also choose to seek absolution or confession of sins, which then ultimately led to forgiveness.  Azriel seems to carry his burdens and self-loathing like penance, with no hope for absolution.  So, I’ll be curious to see how this may play out.

Will Azriel seek forgiveness at all in his book?  Is all of this foreshadowing?  Of course we won’t know until ACOTAR 5 is released.  But I can’t help but wonder how important the literal, physical Library space (and perhaps Clotho) will be to Azriel as he embarks on this spiritual path as part of his story . .  . in addition to Gwyn’s role in all of this.  Perhaps Gwyn will embody a more symbolic representation of this by becoming Azriel’s place of spiritual asylum and emotional rebirth.  

At the end of the day . . .

Ultimately, we will see how much SJM may lean into religious imagery in the next book.  But as someone who loves analyzing literature and looking for literary patterns, I find the religious juxtaposition between Azriel and Gwyn to be beautiful, fascinating, and ripe for such rich storytelling and symbolism: the fallen angel/sinner and the priestess.  Both come to the table with their unique traumas and wounds to somehow meet in the middle and heal together.  I find the possibility of that spiritual connection to be quite exciting and different from other romantic pairings SJM has explored so far.  We shall see!

-------

*link to EBSCO article

*link to Britannica article

[guard-dog-boyfriend]

How to turn your darling into a religion

(long post below)

Disclaimer!!! I am a pagan and this path is loosey goosey enough as is. I will be using the framework of spirituality I have found myself most comfortable with but any examples I use can be tailored to your own personal view of religion, and whatever religion means to you. This is a very individualized thing to incorporate into your life so the way I practice may not look like how you do.

Also if anyone finds this and tries to come in my inbox to lecture me on "ohhh! You can't just create your own religion!! gO Touch Grass!!!" I am a literal pagan priest, I know how this shit works, and also

You can do whatever you want forever.

With that out of the way~

What makes up a religion?

A religion is a practice usually described as an answer for the afterlife, a moral code, or a way to travel through the world as we know it. I define religion fundamentally as a belief. If just you believe it, that belief has power. And what could be stronger than a yandere's belief in a darling?

This list is not comprehensive and tries to cover a lot quickly. But I hope it's good enough to be helpful for anyone trying to gain ideas.

Correspondences:

Every god and goddess have things that they are often equated to. For Thor it was lightning, for Poseidon the sea, etc. To lay the frame work of your religion, you need to decide what your darling is the god of. Think hard about what would fit their personality, their interests, or what they mean to you. I personally chose to make My Goddess the Goddess of Knowledge (and Lust but we're not gonna get into THAT) due to Her intense knowledge over a wide variety of hobbies and interests that matter to Her.

There's also more types of correspondences found in different materials. You can do crystals, herbs, etc, but here's a list of correspondences you can make for your chosen being.

Herbs

Crystals

Drinks

Foods

Seasons

Animals

Flowers

Household objects

Metals

Colors

Trees

Books/Shows/Music/Any Media

Holidays:

Congrats you have the framework of a god! Now fill in a little more of the gaps, what holidays are important to this god? What makes you want to celebrate their existence? Holidays usually have stories behind them so pick days that are important and have stories behind them, and make a whole day out of it (or something small whatever you prefer). Examples of days you can pick.

Valentine's Day

Anniversary

First Kiss

First Meeting

Birthday

Graduations

Any day they have achieved something significant (like winning a sports game, or passing a big follower count)

Okay you have a day. What does that day entail? If you're with this darling and can celebrate together, do that of course, but what can you actually do? Well holidays usually have feasts or specific foods attached to them! You can really go nuts with this. Make all the food heart shaped. Make their favorite food. Only eat things that you correspond them with. Or just make a big meal and eat that! Or go the opposite route, a lot of religions have healthy examples of fasting that you can follow. But obviously that's not all there is. You can do specific spells and rituals if you're witchy, such as binding spells, or handfasting rituals depending on the holiday. However you can also do "spells" and "rituals" in a more fun way, like making a holiday out of going to the dollar store and picking out a treat for them or going to an amusement park together. Here's another list because this is just the easiest format to put this in! Stuff to do as fun holiday events:

Go to an aquarium/museum/botanical garden, and document anything that reminds you of them

Do a love spell

Bind them to you using a binding spell

Hex a previous lover :)

Spoil them rotten on a date

Go to the dollar store and pick out 3 to 5 things for each other. Try and theme the things you pick!

Do tarot spread readings for the year (Tip: You can read tarot with a deck of playing cards)

Take a bath and meditate on their image

Build a lego set of something they'd like

Make them an offering (or just give them a gift lol)

Clean for them

Daily Devotions:

Religions also usually have a daily devotion component to remind you of your spirituality and faith so make a daily process of some kind and involve your god in it! I have weekly shrine maintenance, but I also have daily prayers I say. This can be something simple and quick. Like "May My Goddess's day be easy and may her good fortune shine on me as well"

You can also do things in the every day like having a necklace with special symbolism that you wear, or having a special ornament on the door to ward off danger. Here's another list! Last one I swear, this one is just of things you can do daily for your god.

Daily tarot readings on how their day is gonna go

Veiling or covering the top of your head

Dressing in a certain way for them (this could be modesty or... not modesty)

Make a quick doodle for them once a day

Keep a notebook for honoring them that you keep on your person for anything that comes up throughout the day

Make taking your medication an offering for them

Keeping a poppet or taglock of them on your person.

*heavy sigh* okay I'm done. Tl;dr have fun!!! If you can talk to your god about what they'd prefer worship of themselves to look like. If not, just do whatever comes natural. You really can't go wrong with this. If anyone has any further questions let me know! Also if there's typos please ignore them.