#REAL OF THEM IT HURTS

[yashley]

I know when those "sometimes" are. 

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[hinamie]

all i have left

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I think you might have been a father to me, once.

You used to be more than just another man who hurt me in my life.

Reference pic!

[elfcollector]

DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS (2009) — developed by bioware.

[hemlock-dreams]

I love MJ. Peter must have really been devastated by her being affected when he was outed as Spider-Man. I have a few questions! You mentioned in the original universe she had a relapse — was it just the same universe changes that made Peter a criminal that caused there to be an MJ that was an addict? Would the venom have caused her to die in a while like most people, or no because Peter became her supplier and had presumably good control? Wouldn’t she have known the reasons he had hesitated to kiss long eventually, since he had to tell her everything to help with the venom thing? And does his venom just… come out automatically after a bit with anything, or is it possible for him to have situations where it’s not involved at all for a time? I’m sure he misses her and usually MJ and Peter are friends before they get together in many canons, so I’m really happy that he’s able to be her friend in the new universe and didn’t lose her entirely 🥺 even if he basically had to reform the relationship from scratch. (Also if Peter and Marko were such good friends, why was he willing to put him and his loved ones in danger by telling everyone?) all of this is very cool and fun ty for sharing.

So OG-MJ was an addict before she ever knew Peter(and before everything with the knock off venom.) She had been sober for two years at that point, and continued to stay sober for a few years after she and Peter officially got together.

However, Peter was always gone, flaking on all their special dates/anniversaries etc. He'd make plans and then never show up, or cancel at the last minute. And despite being super affectionate with his words, was always really physically distant. All of this left MJ feeling really alone and angry, as she was dealing with her own abandonment issues (foster care).

Eventually, everything was just a perfect storm of frustration (struggling with her boss, Peter flaking on another date, a new job opportunity not coming through) that she ended up reconnecting with some old friends who convinced her to try 'this sick new upper'.

The issue with manufactured venom (gonna call it Aurora) is that in it's impurity, it had extremely degenerative effects at lower doses. Peter's venom, while just as bad, was 'cleaner'. He can secrete it at will, but his body starts automatically pumping it when he gets excited (not to mention his fangs do not retract!!!) (They are very sharp!!!)

As for Marko, he'd been Sandman for a while before he revealed Spiderman's identity. Not only was he mentally very unstable, but he'd been very bitter over Peter going 'straight'. They were supposed to be ride or die, but Peter kept drifting away and eventually cut ties with him when it was obvious that Marko was never going to leave the lifestyle.

Then one day, during a fight with Spiderman Marko just...recognized the body language, the words, just...something clicked, then broke. Because not only did Peter leave Marko, the guy who had his back all those years in prison, his supposed 'ride or die' was also fucking Spiderman. The guy who had been actively fucking up Marko's life for years. The enemy.

Payback was an easy decision for a guy who held tight to grudges.

And for the kicker, he didn't even sell the information, just gave it to JJ for free-- that's how much he wanted to hurt Peter. Later, he would really regret it, but it would be too late at that point.

After Marko threw Peter's life into the fire, he and MJ had a blowout fight. At the height of it, MJ told Peter to 'prove he loved her' and used her own addiction as a way to control his time and attention after being starved for so long (kind of holding herself hostage).

Yeah...it all kind of went to real shit after Lmaoo

Once again, thank you SO much for the support and all these amazing asks!! <3 <3

[geisterzeit-art]

Crow emergency meeting about the Shaved Lucanis Situation

[mollysunder]

I think when Arcane shifted the story to focus on one of those world-ending threats it somehow made the world smaller. The relationships became less intimate and more rote to the plot. When we do get strong character moments, the way their actions should reverberate across their network is cut off.

For example, when Jinx chose to set fire to The Last Drop it was a really striking moment for Jinx as she reached rock bottom, but the show fails to grapple with the fact this was also the place Sevika was living and working in. Act 2 of Jinx Fixes Everything revealed that Sevika had been sleeping and working in Silco's office ever since he died, dealing with her own grief that way.

Sevika probably has a home to return to but that isn't the point, the point is Jinx destroyed a place that wasn't just significant to her and members of the main cast, but the larger community that is Zaun. How does Sevika react? How does she still choose to work with Jinx after this moment? What about the other members of Silco's gang that followed Sevika into battle? The Last Drop was a part of a lot of people's lives, and Sevika is emblematic of that deep attachment, but we can't see her grieve it's destruction because there's no space for it in the show.

[larrylimericks]

17Oct24

What joy these five names used to carry: Louis, Liam, Zayn, Niall and Harry. Now we ache to the core — A strange new OT4 Signed, “Louis, Zayn, Niall and Harry.”

[fantasyinallforms]

Ok, look at me real quick because I'm tired of explaning this to full grown adults. You can NOT support generative AI and still claim to care about artists and writers in the fandoms you participate in. So that means if you spout pro generative AI rhetoric, and it gets you ostracized that is NOT the community or fandom being unfair or cruel to you. That is simply the conciquences of your own actions. Full stop.

[secriden]

You know what makes me soooo excited for the next phase of Fadel and Style's relationship? It's that they will finally slot into the CORRECT relationship dynamics because this whole time, it's been flipped.

From the beginning, something felt off, and I think it's because Style's true desire is to be pursued. We are shown this pretty much in Style's introduction when he blatantly puts his body on display with the Crop Top Stretch. Style wants to be approached, wants to be propositioned, wants to be desired. Also, remember how he initially flirts with Fadel when his only motivation was his own attraction? He pinned the Heart Burger badge onto his chest to create an opportunity for Fadel to put his hands on Style's body.

Of course Fadel wasn't pursuing Style; was in fact, actively trying to get away (for reasons OTHER than a lack of physical attraction to Style), so it is the plot that has to drive our lovebirds together using Kant's request and partly Style's own desire to get some revenge.

But throughout their interactions, we constantly see glimpses of Style's desire to be pursued: every single time Fadel even shows a HINT of wanting Style, he immediately falls pliant, like he can't wait to let Fadel take the reins. And nothing shows this more clearly than the absolutely blissed out look on Style's face in Ep 4 when he thinks Fadel has finally admitted that he wants Style.

(Fucking hell, just look at how dazed and almost euphoric Style looks here? It's like Style has been starving for the barest hint that Fadel truly wants him.)

Which is also why we've gotten so many fake outs. Because although Fadel IS attracted to Style (Ep 2 made that...abundantly clear), he isn’t remotely ready to pursue anyone. Not only is Fadel nursing a broken heart, barely beating, he also has very justified suspicions about Style’s connection to Kant and Style's unnatural persistence.

So it's Style that has to pursue - he dodges Fadel's footsteps, and bullies his way into Fadel's life; but in between the frustration and annoyance, Fadel's walls begin to crack. And I think it's SO COOL that the first significant evidence we have of Fadel's walls crumbling is because Style puts his body on display for Fadel. Because Fadel responded to something that was naturally part of the way Style operates before he even met Fadel. And there are other, more compelling reasons why I think Fadel begins to fall for Style, but that's not really the point I'm trying to make here.

When Fadel said "If I like you, I'll do the pursuing", it wasn't just to get Style to back off. Because now that Fadel has finally chosen to explore something real with Style, we are seeing Fadel's words in action. I know some people have said Fadel's switch to flirting so blatantly with Style in Ep 4's gym scene came out of left field, but I think it may well be confirmation that this was always the dynamic they were meant to be in. Fadel likes pursuing and Style likes being pursued. They fit, they match, they're perfectly compatible.

(Fadel looks almost faintly amused by how "flustered" Style is. Because he doesn't know that Style is actually afraid of him - why would he, when Style has evidenced zero fear so far? So this comes across like Style is getting shy in response to Fadel's unexpected and more overt approach. And possibly this is Fadel starting to remember how much he enjoys the chasing.)

Unfortunately, Kant's revelation is going to screw allll of this up. But, we are finally going to see glimpses of how they work when they're aligned correctly in their dynamics! And while it will take a journey (and oh, it will be gloriously painful, won't it?), our boys are finally on the road to something lasting and I am sooo glad we get to come along for the ride. <3

[silusvesuius]

testing out drawing maormer 🪸🐚🪸 and a nelvas 🧣📜🩷 i'll ramble about maormer a bit in the tags

[mikichko]

The thing about Fuerzas Especiales (Mexican Special Forces) is that you know not to be wary of the masked men. It's the ones whose faces are bare and out for the world to see that have you cautious. The ones who truly have no tether and absolutely nothing holding them back.

So when you meet the 141 you’re not worried about Ghost. You’ve handled men like him before. Maybe not to this degree or stature, but close enough.

It’s Gaz who makes you pause. Stopping mid-step before you regain your composure and properly out-stretch your hand to shake his.

You've seen that look in his eyes before. Not on him, but your comrades. The few men who teeter on the edge, desperately trying to figure out if they'll be rule breakers or enforcers. If they'll be a blind executioner or if they'll learn to judge too. All while the battle rages on, chipping at their resolve. Soon enough, they'll show if they're truly as morally righteous as they think themselves to be. Those men, they're the ones that worry you.

You know how masked men will act. Understand that they'll carry themselves differently and act differently because of the anonymity and detachment that their masks provide. Especially from the unspeakable acts they carry out.

But people like him? Who show themselves bare? Owning the savage actions they commit, regardless of the way they teeter? Yeah, men like Kyle Garrick terrify you.

[sergle]

what ppl always miss is that I've done This before (this being: rehoming kittens through tumblr) and if someone just wants a cat so they can fire it out of a t-shirt cannon or something, they're gonna pick up a stray or find free kittens on craigslist, they're not going to go the extremely obscure route of DMing back and forth with a bisexual woman on tumblr. 😭 also nobody has been interested in these kittens yet AT ALL, so I don't really feel like I'm being bombarded with scammers. also you guys will believe anything you hear