#Put under the mature tag .... To be safe

[nemxricultrix]

M!A! Kaboob. Woe, fat titties be upon ye. Unlike her though, you don't get free brain'nt to go with them, you can handle that part on your own time.

Thanks, I had to get the biggest shirt I have. Great

[sttoru]

♯ 𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊.

⟣ sypnosis. kento has been extremely busy lately, going on business trips and so forth. he decides to surprise you by coming back earlier than expected. that’s how you end up finding your lover on top of you, showering you in his affection at 3 in the morning.

⟣ tags. nanami kento x female reader. fluff, bit of angst, suggestive towards the end. reader gets called 'sweetheart, angel, dear' wc: 1.8k

⟣ note. okayokay finally an adition to my event heheh ive almost forgotten about it but then i saw this prompt & was like . ok nanami , i must write this rnnn no delaying anymore so here i am :3 its also very bad. i hate it sm LOL i hope u at least like it t_t

kento often asks himself why he had returned to the world he despised — the jujutsu society; his old high school. the sprawling curses everywhere are the main cause of his current misery.

he had been sent out on missions left and right, not catching a break in hopes of reducing any more civilian causalities than necessary. kento had even thought that maybe his previous 9-5 job wasn’t as bad as he had considered it.

overtime was every day for the sorcerer now. that wasn’t the worst thing - no - the fact that he was pratically living a long distant relationship with his beloved irritated him most.

a thought he had in his high school days reoccured in a moment of distress: ‘why not leave all those missions to gojo?’

you were still pretty understanding of his situation. kento appreciated that, though the guilt still ate away at him whenever he tried to sleep. an empty bed welcomed him each time he re-entered his hotel room — you saw the exact same scenery when returning home to your shared apartment.

both of you were adults; both knowing that life was unfair. the two of you being unable to see each other from time to time was a part of your life. kento and you still maintained a healthy relationship. that was all that really mattered in the end.

11:49PM. . . tonight wasn’t unlike any other night; you were preparing yourself to go to bed—changing into your pyjamas after showering, snuggling to a pillow under the covers and texting your lover one last message.

‘good luck on your mission as always! stay safe, i love you.’

you stare at your phone screen for a minute longer than intended. even if you tried to be mature about it — you longed for kento’s warmth and undivided attention. you want him with you, his strong arms holding you to his chest as you rest, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine in the best way possible.

you sigh defeatedly and put your phone down on your nightstand. just two days until you could see your partner again. you can hold onto that hope to keep you calm.

despite you trying to stay positive, you tossed and turned in your bed as you thought about kento’s safety. there was always a chance of him not coming home to you — always the possibility of that bed to be empty for the rest of your life.

all you could do was pray for his safety in your head whilst your eyes eventually closed from fatigue, your mind drifting off to a deep slumber.

03:14AM. . . kento opens the door he had wished to have opened way earlier. the door that lead to the place where his heart lays; the person who claimed his heart and soul for eternity. you.

he didn’t think he’d actually do it. kento had originally planned to finish his last job as soon as possible and then get home afterwards, but there seemed to be a change in routine.

the special grade sorcerer simply assigned the mission to ino — the person whom he could trust most to finish the job in one piece. as much as kento dislikes to put his juniors in possible risky situations, there are also situations where it’s fine to depend on them. besides, the mission could easily be done by a grade one sorcerer.

kento sighs. the familiar scent of your home was one he could recognise from miles away. one that could calm his nerves instantly. it was that same distinctive scent you carry; thus why your lover sometimes calls you his home.

‘i can’t wait to be home’ ‘i want to be home’ ‘i’m going home’ — all these sentences, which kento has uttered before in earlier conversations, weren’t referring to a place. rather to a person he held dear.

“oh, my sweetheart.” the blonde man whispers under his breath as his eyes catch the shape of your figure under the blankets. he quietly enters the master bedroom and closes the door behind him, not making a sound as to not interrupt your well-deserved sleep.

kento slowly undoes his dotted tie, along with the upper buttons of his blouse. he probably needs to go take a good shower before he could settle down with you — but that’d risk waking you up.

you look extremely angelic in his eyes. especially with your left cheek squished by the soft pillow your head rests on. you never once fail to convince him that you are indeed the woman of his dreams; the woman kento ever had and will have eyes for. it’s like you get more attractive to him as the days go on.

“mh,” your sudden and soft groan makes him realise just how disturbing his behaviour could be interpreted as. kento’s body was hovering over your sleeping one and he was just. . . staring at you with a soft smile. a smile which he didn’t even notice had permanently found its place on his weary face.

kento sits down on the edge of the mattress, callused hand gently tucking you in properly, putting the blanket over your shoulders to make sure you didn’t get cold. he can’t rest if you’re not comfortable— even if he himself was exhausted to the point his eyes were starting to feel heavy.

yet that exhaustion doesn’t last long. it never does when kento’s able to see you again after a tiring week of countless missions and other jobs. your presence alone grants him the energy to stay awake and take care of you. and himself. you’re the reason he keeps it going.

“i love you so much, my beautiful girl — my angel.”

kento sure was a romantic. even when you’re unaware and asleep.

he couldn’t help it; the feeling stirring inside of him. the feeling of adoration and love for you. you are simply resting, yet kento felt an urge to kiss you all over, show you the unending love he has for you. but. . that’d probably be disturbing your peace. you are sleeping after all. he

not that that would stop kento.

your eyes flutter open due to a sudden presence hovering over you. your entire face and neck area was feeling ticklish, like someone was placing tens of kisses all over the skin.

strands of blonde hair is the first thing showing up in your blurry vision. kento’s face follows afterwards as his head tilts back up, the warmth against your jawline disappearing along with it —

“ah, i’m sorry.” a low and almost guilty chuckle tumbles out of his sore throat. the visible confusion on your face makes him let out another, “shh, shh, it’s just me, sweetheart.”

your arms flew around kento’s torso the second the realisation dawns upon you. your heart went from a slow pace to one that caused your entire body to warm up immediately; the adorable reaction and increase in heart rate not going unnoticed by your lover.

you wordlessly hug him — almost still in shock by the sudden appearance. kento doesn’t fight off your tight embrace, instead, welcomes it with open arms. the delicate kisses on your skin continue, each being placed with precision whilst one of his hands keeps your head tilted a little — rough fingers being a contrast of the gentle grip they had on your jaw.

“i missed you lots,” kento murmurs, eyes closed as he basks in the warmth of your body, his lips refusing to let go of your neck, “i couldn’t wait anymore. i couldn’t be separated from you any longer or i’d lose it.”

his gruff voice sounded even deeper than it usually would. maybe due to the overuse of it during his missions. the lone thought makes you pout — the thought of kento working super hard just to provide for you both.

“i missed you more, love.” you mumble, bottom lip trembling a little as kento’s hug triggers a whole lot of emotions in you. his hugs were special, his muscular arms giving you a sense of comfort you couldn’t find anywhere. no one could hug you like he did, “you did well. you did so well.”

those were all the words kento needed. his lips come to halt right above your collarbone, his breath a bit heavy from how much he's holding himself back from doing more. one hand moves from your cheek to your waist, fingers toying with the fabric of your shirt.

“thank you, dear.” kento says. his words carrying a load of unending affection. your simple words of appreciation and encouragement makes him shiver in delight. this is what he longed for; this is what he did it all for.

it was clear. the answer to his question - of why he had returned to the jujutsu world, to become a teacher at his former high school - it was all for you. to be able to be with you, see you and hold you like this. to have someone like you appreciate all of his efforts.

“may i?” kento asks through a quiet whisper as he gently removes the blanket covering your figure, his eyes darting down towards your cleavage. he's asking for permission to cross that barrier — to cover you in the love you deserve.

you just stare at the blonde man above you for a second. you watch as he climbs onto the bed with you; the bed which was once empty and dull, now suddenly becoming your favourite place to be at. your fingertips graze against kento's sharp cheekbones. a habit you always did when you were appreciating his looks.

“go right ahead.” you answer with a confirming nod.

both of you were touch starved and had been deprived from each other's embrace for way too long. now was the perfect time to make up for all the time lost.

kento wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip past him. he smiles at you, a gentle and handsome smile, whilst a few of his blonde locks fall over his left eye — his hands already prying away the blanket covering your shape. it was time to show you just how much he has longed for you.

“hold on to me, sweetheart. i’m not stopping until you realise just how much i’ve missed all of you.”

[lalal-99]

Kitty’s New Best Friend {l.f.}

113 "Either I'm insane or you were just masturbating in our living room." 133 "You're being shy now? Really?" 141 "How many times have you jerked off to me?"

Felix x afab!reader | trope: friends to lovers, roommates | wordcount: 2.4k

Synopsis: When your roommate comes home unexpectedly, he finds you in a compromising position on the living room couch, moaning his name. Fortunetly, he's had a hunch about your feelings for a while, and he's willing to help you out.

Warnings: explicit content | dni if your under 18

Smut Tags: Smut | Explicit Sexual Content | Porn with some Plot | Fluff and Smut | Mutual Pining | Semi-Public Masturbation | Oral Sex (reader rec.) | Teasing

Note: I wrote three different version of this over the past two years. This one was the best one, by a mile. Hope you enjoy. Please leave comments, if you want to encourage more content.

Again, thanks @jl-micasea-fics for letting me use your prompts. I know it's been two years, but still, credit where its due :)

Taglist: @skzho @bubblelixie @flakywig @itsallaboutkey @avyskai @mekuiikore @changbiddies0325 @knowleeknow @sensitiveandhungry @svintsandghosts @poutypoutybin @hyunjinswifeee @sunlitwilderness

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Please don't flag as mature or repost this story - Thank You!

He didn’t use to appear in your dirty dreams.

Only months ago, you didn’t need to put a face on the main character of your fantasies—the imagination itself enough to get you going.

That had certainly changed.

It could have been Felix sauntering your shared apartment without a shirt one too many times. It could have been the shoulder to cry on he had lent you after your ex. Hell, it could have even been as trivial as a kind smile for no apparent reason.

Your brain simply shut off and your kitty assumed control. Universally deciding that your roommate was a fitting image to get turned on to.

Now, his face made an appearance in every single one of your daydreams.

When Felix emerged from his room in nothing but a pair of loose hanging sweatpants, your mind went right back to it. It was ridiculous. You didn’t even listen to where he went off to, your fingers already running over his creamy skin in your mind. You felt like a teenager, arousal taking over you the second Felix left the apartment.

None of your other roommates were home which was fortunate. Sure, you could have gone to your bedroom to be safe. But how could you, when the heat reached you right there in the living room. Like it had happened in the shower a few days ago after Felix had sneaked in to get his lotion. You had told him you didn’t mind when in reality, you did. Just not in the way he might have thought.

That day and in your following fantasy, he hadn’t left, but instead joined you under the hot water.

Humming Felix’s name at the sound of your fingers running through your folds, you internally scolded yourself for thinking this way about him. A boy who was so innocently oblivious, he probably had no idea you even jerked off in the first place. Someone so sweet, he brought you candy when you were on your period, brewed you tea after a long day, or gave you massages when... Well, whenever you wanted one.

You were completely immersed in the scenario you had set up in your head, knot in your stomach tightening. So much so your brain took a second too long to recognise the familiar sound of his keys.

Things went very fast from there.

The door opened and Felix walked in to the sight of you. Rushing your hand out of your shorts, your neckline was red from the heat, your hair messier than when he had left. Mere minutes earlier.

“Felix? What the hell are you doing here?” you questioned, shock written on your features. “I thought you went out.”

“I—“ He scanned the situation and before you could stop him, he figured it out. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. “I went to get some snacks for the movie.”

Oh yes! The memory of your short conversation suddenly came back to you.

Felix had come out of his room, shirtless, recognising the movie playing on the TV in front of you. He had asked you to pause it, so you could watch it together once he came back from the store. Getting you snacks and a bottle of your favourite white, like the perfect roomie he was.

“Were you…” A smirk appeared on Felix’s face as his view wandered down your body to your pants. “Either I’m insane, or you were just masturbating in our living room.” Noticing your eyes shifting and your cheeks reddening in the light of the TV, he yelped. “Oh my God, you were masturbating, weren’t you?”

You struggled finding another excuse that could explain your hands down your pants. Not that it mattered, anyway. Nothing you said, no explanation you could have given, would get your roommate to believe he hadn’t just walked in on you.

Felix placed the grocery bag on the kitchen counter and strode over to the couch, sliding on next to you. The shit-eating grin on his face only heightened your embarrassment. Not so innocent after all, now that he held something over your head.

“Stop being so smug. It’s not like you don’t do it.” You scratched an invisible itch on your neck.

“But I don’t do it out here where everyone can walk in. Do you have no shame?” Felix was teasing you now, the previously cutesy behaviour shifting. You couldn’t quite pinpoint his demeanour, but it almost seemed seductive. Like, he was definitely flirting, and not in his usual, sweet way. If his next words were anything to go by, it felt even more so. “Or did you want me to walk in on you?”

You almost choked on your saliva. “What? No! Of course not.”

The redness on your face darkened further.

Why would he ever suggest that you had masturbated out in the living room on purpose? Unless… Maybe, subconsciously, you had done just that. Perhaps you wanted to make use of the possibility, him walking in on you. So he could finally help you scratch the itch himself. Not his imaginary self, but the real one, in all his glory. Could your brain have betrayed you like that, without you noticing?

You didn’t quite know what to think.

“It’s fine. I won’t tell anyone about this.” Somehow, that relieved you. Not like you had expected Felix to go around, gloating about it. It still relaxed you to hear it from the man himself. “I only have one question, then we can stop talking about it. Forever.”

Your jaw dropped at his words. So he was blackmailing you now, too? Felix, out of all people. Nice Felix, who never hurt a fly. Cute Felix, whose love language were hugs and cuddles. Smug Felix, who somehow had the upper hand right now.

Your kitty purred at his intrigue, surprising even yourself.

“How many times have you jerked off to me?”

You must have had a mini heart attack at that very second. Unfortunately, you didn’t land in heaven. If anything, this was hell.

“What?”

“You heard me,” Felix replied, bottom lip wandering between his teeth. “And I heard you, moaning my name before. So, how often do you think about me?”

“I don’t— I didn’t— I mean— What?” You were sweating now, unable to form simple sentences. And that was before his hand landed on your naked thigh, squeezing. That’s when you lost the ability to breathe, stomach tensing.

“You’re being shy now? Really?” As his fingers drew figure eights onto your skin, they wandered further up your leg until he reached the hem of your shorts. He played with the band, keeping his irises on you, and your kitty hissed. His proximity was a dangerous game. “What if I told you, I’ve been thinking about it, too?”

What. The. Fuck?

He leaned in, lips close enough to feel his breath on you, and you got dizzy. You didn’t remember drinking any alcohol, but you damn well felt like it. As though you had gotten intoxicated, high, and now you were left to deal with the aftermath.

“Been thinking about you so much. Taking you in your room. In the shower. On this very couch. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” His fingers entered your pants, playing with the hem of your underwear. Your breath hitched when his hand cupped you, smirk so close to your face you could hear it. Felix clicked his tongue when he felt your wetness. “I knew it. Not so shy now, are we?”

And you weren’t. Shy, that was. Overwhelmed, sure. Embarrassed, yes. But not shy. Not when you detected the tent in his own sweatpants. Felix wanted this, just like you. Felix was your roommate, best friend and now, potential lover. If anything, you felt most comfortable around him.

The feeling heightened when he gave you a gentle push, urging you to lay back. Felix’s face remained so close to yours, eyes glued to each other as he situated himself above you. His fingers started teasing as he leaned down, faintly pressing his lips to your pulse point. Your eyes stood wide open, searching the ceiling for possible answers to the one question you had.

How the fuck had this happened?

Felix kissed down your body, through the valley of your chest and over your tank top. Right down to your shorts. He must have been able to smell you, but you didn’t care. It was Felix, after all, the boy straight out of your dreams.

“Y/N,” his soft voice called you to catch your attention. When you met his gaze, the world stopped for a moment. The lust had momentarily vanished from his irises and what overtook was care and love. “Tell me to stop, and I will.”

“Don’t.” Your answer couldn’t have come faster, and you meant it. Under no circumstances did you want him to stop. Ever.

With that, the primate inside him gained back control, ridding you of your pants and underwear. All the while, Felix’s stare remained on your face, smiling between kisses he planted on your naked stomach. As though he wanted to capture all your focus and wouldn’t let you divert your eyes for anything.

A last smile sent your way and he dove in.

Your mouth stood agape as you watched him, connect his mouth to your clit, lightly sucking. You spread your legs so he could slot between them, and slot, he did. Key fitting in a lock, he kept your knees apart with his body, the whole couch becoming your playground.

Felix nibbled on your clit like it was sweet candy, gazes locked as his tongue came into play. Prodding, exploring. He looked sinful, like a devilish angle as his blonde locks tickled your bare thighs. A fucking dream-come-true, in the most literal sense.

Licking down your folds, he tasted you, humming in delight. His own personal five course meal.

Early on, you had been taught to never eat with your hands. That it was rude and crude, and ill-mannered. When Felix did it, it was nothing if not delicious. To watch, to hear, his fingers spreading you and entering in soft, gentle strokes.

Soon enough, he was three fingers in, knuckles-deep, petting the sensitive spot so deep you never reached it yourself. And there he was, doing it with so much ease, over and over. Kitty’s new best friend.

For a moment, you lost control, throwing your head back with a loud moan. When Felix squeezed your thigh, gently but determined, you brought your head back.

“Eyes on me, Kitten.”

A whimper at the nickname made him smirk as he scissored you open. His tongue prodded against your opening in sync, delightful as your stomach tensed.

“Oh, fuck—” You brought your hand to his head, tangling your fingers in his hair. Guiding him, at least as much as he let you. “Please.”

Cocking his head, Felix teased you, playfully confused by your words.

“Please, I need you. Inside. Please.”

With one last calm suck on your nub, he snaked his way up your body. Fingers remained inside you for now, distracting you.

“But I already am. You have to be more specific, Kitten.”

You clenched at the words, and he visibly noticed.

“Your cock. I need you inside me. Please, Felix.” If those words hadn’t driven him crazy already, persuading him, your next ones sure did. “Kitten needs your cock.”

He groaned, fingers coming up to touch your lips. You opened them, licking over his moist rings and he lost himself in the sight. “Such crude words for such a cute Kitten.”

Smearing the last of your essence over your mouth, he began licking it off, taking his sweet time. And then finally, after he had already done much more intimate, he kissed you. Careful and collected turned to desperate and chaotic as tongues melted into one.

Kissing Felix was natural, like you had done it so many times before. And you would have continued doing it, if it hadn’t been for the more pressing issues.

When you bucked up into him, rubbing your naked crotch against his clothed one, he smirked into the kiss. “Eager Kitten.”

“Desperate,” you corrected, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him into you.

Felix drew away to rid himself of his shirt, kneeling on top of you. It must have been the hottest thing you had ever been lucky enough to witness. As he untied the knot in his sweats, your sight remained on his toned torso. Sculptured abs followed a set of muscular pecs and his prominent collar bones. You wanted to kiss every inch of his body, wanted to lick it and bite it, too. That was if he let you.

But not right now. Not when all you wanted was for him to devour you like his favourite desert.

Like the absolute menace he was, Felix tugged the hem of his sweats down, revealing the absence of underwear. And to think he walked around the apartment like that, unsucked. It was a real shame.

He stroked himself a couple of times, the other hand running through his messy locks. An undeniable God in human form.

You might have even been drooling, but before you could check, he hovered over you again. “Like what you see?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, curling upwards to connect your lips again.

With your legs still around his hips, it was easy for Felix to position himself. Your walls were clenching already, craving penetration. Some relief. Anything. It didn’t actually matter, as long as it was Felix doing it.

“You know,” he mumbled between kisses, tugging at your lip. It was in that moment, as he was so close, that you noticed the desire in his eyes. But it wasn’t just desire, but so much more. Adoration. Longing. Attraction. Love. “If you had told me about your secret from the start, we could have done this months ago.”

How he had come to know about your infatuation? You had no head to figure it out right that moment.

“However, we do have a lot to make up for. Better get to it, right?”

When Felix slid into you, your eyes rolled back into your head as your breath got caught in your lungs. Finally, after months of distanced yearning, he scratched the same itch that had plagued you for so long.

And your kitty was satisfied at last.

Masterlist Leave your thought

[yanderecrazysie]

Twisted Zoo: Chapter Six

This is based on the stories of a keeper reader with the octotrio by @ashensgrotto and @merakiui.

Also @twistedcece @cenatour @ursinaw @xiaopleasecomehome @bearshideout @koebishrimpuwu @vash-yuu @help-whatdoimakemyusername @secret-potion @magmdnv @sunshine-for-serotonin @mel-star636 @silkkorchid @thatpersonuouknow @the-ace-reader @pamv11 @coffee-or-hot-cocoa @hrhqueenfox @goseew @luxthestrange @juno-of-wonderland @who-mst @despairingy-obsessed @lanxianschoenheit @ceramic-raven @sirenetheblogger @a13x15a5133p @abcdontbotherme @m0063576 @kimdourden @rammylog @starshiningsirius @im-here-for-the-fun-of-it @the-monochrome-jester and @thisisafish123 wanted to be tagged! Let me know if anyone else wants to be tagged for future chapters. If you no longer want to be tagged, please tell me! (Some of the tags might not have worked, and I’m sorry if so!)

Summary: You’re a brand new zookeeper at The Halfling Zoo- a place where half-animals live in captivity. Your job is simple- feed them and study them. Your main worry is that one of the more dangerous halflings might kill you. 

Unfortunately, that may become the least of your worries.

Previous part: Chapter Five

Next Part: Chapter Seven

WARNINGS: suggestive content

Note: All characters are aged up, since there will be mature themes in future parts.

Also, I can’t promise I’ll finish this. I suck at finishing stories.

Note 2: Sorry for this being so late.

—-------------------------------------------------------

The first place to start was the aquarium. You were a little excited to see Floyd again, considering how friendly he was. If you were going to make a huge discovery, it may just be with the eel halflings.

You walked up to the water and peered down at it. It’s hard to see anything down there. From the surface, you could only see indistinct shapes of rocks and coral. You put your hand in the water and splashed it a little, hoping to get the attention of the creatures down below.

Suddenly, an arm seizes your hand and starts to pull. You lose your balance and tumble forward, falling into the water with a splash. You gasp and swallow salt water, gagging on the taste and, once you surfaced, scrabbling desperately against the concrete walkway that led up to the water’s edge.

You noticed a metal railing on your left, probably meant for divers to get out of the water easily. You began to swim for it but your ankle was grabbed and you were dunked under the water once more.

Once you surfaced, you spun around and were met with Floyd’s mismatched gaze. He giggled and playfully tugged on your ankle again.

“Stop!” you yelled, the sound echoing against the walls. Floyd let go of your ankle and moved backwards, looking like a kicked puppy.

You swam to the railing and pulled yourself out. You pulled your notebook out of your pocket to find it ruined, the paper too waterlogged to use. Thankfully, you used different notepads for each enclosure, so the notes from the days prior were safe, but the three notepads you had brought today were unusable.

“We don’t do that, Floyd,” you said sternly, “I don’t go into the water.”

Floyd blew bubbles in the water, his eyes sad. Suddenly, he disappeared into the water with a large splash that hit your already soaking body. You shivered in the cold air, wishing you had a towel. 

An eel surfaced, and you were about to scold Floyd again, before you realized the halfling was Jade, and not his twin.

“Hello, Jade,” you said wearily.

Jade blinked softly at you, before saying, “I am sorry for Floyd.”

Your heart melted a little, “It’s okay.”

It would be fine. You could just take notes when you got home. Next time, you’d put them in a waterproof container or ziplock bag or something before visiting the aquarium.

Floyd resurfaced, holding something black in his hands. It took you a moment to realize it was a tentacle. Confused, you watched as he dragged a blushing Azul to the surface.

“Brought… octopus… you asked,” Floyd said proudly.

It took you a few moments to put things together. Floyd was trying to make it up to you by bringing you Azul, who you had asked for yesterday.

“Floyd…” you weren’t even sure what to say to the eel. He clearly didn’t have any bad intentions when he pulled you into the water- he probably thought it was a game or something.

You sighed, “It’s okay, Floyd, I forgive you.”

Floyd swam up to the edge of the tank, blinking up at you with his heterochromatic eyes, still holding one of Azul’s tentacles.

Azul looked half-furious, half-mortified, trying in vain to get his tentacle out of Floyd’s grip.

“Floyd, you should let go of Azul,” you said gently. Floyd pouted for a moment, upset that you weren’t proud of him for bringing the octopus halfling to you, but let go of the tentacle. It immediately shot through the water, back to Azul, who began to sink under the water.

“Wait! I wanted to say ‘hi’ to you!”

Azul stopped in his tracks and turned his head to you, disbelief etched on his features. 

“My name’s (Y/n). I’m glad to meet all three of you,” you said, holding out a hand.

The three of them stared at your outstretched hand before Jade swam closer and gently put his clawed, webbed hand in yours and shook. His arm slipped back into the water without a splash. 

Floyd was fascinated by the action and reached up to grab your hand. For a moment, he tightened like he might pull you into the water, but once glance at your panicked face made him click disappointedly and release your hand.

Azul approached almost confidently and diplomatically shook your hand as though you were making a business deal with him. It was such a contrast from his normally-skittish attitude, that you almost forgot to shake back.

Floyd suddenly started to yell “(Y/n)!” over and over again. It was so loud that you covered your ears, the echoes bouncing off the walls as though he were shouting it three times at once.

“Floyd! Calm down!”

Floyd giggled and crooned, “Floyd, Jade, Azul, (Y/n)!” 

“Yes, those are our names,” you said with a tired laugh.

You looked at the clock and cursed. You had to split your time between three exhibits, which meant you had to get out of there now. “Guys, I gotta go.”

Floyd let out a sad wail, throwing himself against the tank wall and sinking down slowly and dramatically. You held back a laugh and waved to the other two halflings.

“I’ll see you all in a few days.”

“Days?!” Floyd wailed.

“Sorry, Floyd. Next time, don’t drown me please.”

Floyd stuck out his tongue and you laughed.

You left the aquarium, shivering when the cool air hit your soaked clothes and skin. Thankfully, there weren’t many guests in this area, but the ones that were around stared at you. You hurried to the reptile house, sighing in relief as the warm air from the heating lamps washed over you.

You opened up the door to the snake tank and stepped inside. “Hey Jamil, Kalim, I’m back!”

A white-haired head shot up out of the bushes, “(Y/n)!”

“Hi, Kalim,” you laughed at his enthusiasm and crouched down as he slithered towards you. He didn’t draw himself to full height, so that he would be only a little taller than your crouched form.

To your surprise, his hands shot out and grabbed the sides of your face. You were stunned into silence as Kalim let out a laugh, “So soft!”

“Kalim!” you weren’t sure how to react, so you gently took both of his hands and pulled them away from your face. He resisted, pressing his palms harder into your cheeks.

“Nooo, soft,” Kalim whined, pouting as if you were trying to take something precious away from him.

“Kalim, you can’t just hold onto my face,” you explained, trying fruitlessly to remove his hands.

“Soft!” Kalim exclaimed, as if that explained everything.

“Kalim, you can’t,” you protested, trying to stay calm, “It’s making me uncomfortable.”

The boa constrictor finally released your face, pouting slightly, “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you said, taking a deep breath. You knew he didn’t mean any harm, but you really didn’t like being touched without your permission. You could feel your hands trembling a little from the unwanted contact so you placed them on your lap.

“Where’s Jamil? I’d like to talk to him too,” you asked.

“Right here,” Jamil’s smooth voice answered. You could see his face peering at you from between two bushes. He looked amused and you had a sinking feeling he had been watching the whole thing without offering any assistance. His eyes strayed to your shaking hands and the smile grew a little.

“Jamil is best friend!” Kalim said happily.

The smile on Jamil’s face disappeared immediately. It seemed Kalim’s feelings were a little one-sided and you felt kind of bad for him. Both of them, actually.

Imagine being stuck in a tank with someone who doesn’t like you. Or maybe worse, imagine being stuck in a tank with someone you don’t like.

“Do you mind if I take notes on you both?” you asked, “We can talk too, if you feel like it!”

Kalim lit up like a Christmas tree, “Wanna talk!”

“About what?” you asked happily.

Kalim stared at you blankly. For a moment, you thought he didn’t understand, but then you realized he just didn’t know what to talk about.

“Can you tell me what it’s like to be snake halflings?” you asked, directing you question to include Jamil.

Jamil tilted his head, “We took a deal to live here. I sometimes regret that decision.”

You cringed a little as Kalim laughed happily, “No regrets for me!” He seemed completely oblivious to the fact that Jamil was glaring at him.

Jamil slithered closer to you, “If you lived in the wild, having to feed off of rats, wouldn’t you want to move to a place where you are fed like a king?”

“Well, probably,” you admitted, “You wouldn’t have to fight to survive.”

“Exactly. But would you want humans tapping on the glass every day, trying to make you move?”

“No,” you replied, “I wouldn’t.”

“But which is worse?” Jamil asked, “Fighting to see the next day or being a zoo animal?”

“I- I don’t know,” you admitted, “Both have their own cons and pros.”

“‘Cons and pros’?” Jamil asked, confused by the phrase.

“Their own good and bad things,” you explained.

“Ah, yes. Their own good and bad things,” Jamil sighed, “Good and bad.”

Kalim looked back and forth between you two, wearing a confused expression on his face. “I like here,” he said, “Happy here.”

“I’m glad for you, Kalim,” you said, reaching over to ruffle his white hair. His eyes widened at the motion, pupils dilating. His tongue, one that matched a snake’s, but larger, flicked out to taste the air before disappearing into his mouth again.

You were fascinated, “Your tongue- I’ve never seen you do that before.” Normally, snakes were always showing their tongue, using it to scent predators, sense prey, and attract mates. However, neither of the snake halflings showed their tongues until now.

Jamil chuckled and disappeared back into the bushes. Kalim tilted his head at you and smiled, not responding.

“I should probably go see the next halfling,” you said. You couldn’t see the clock, but you knew that you had spent a good chunk of time with them.

Kalim’s tail wrapped around your ankle, but you pried it off of you. He pouted once more, but peacefully watched as you left the tank, promising to be back in a few days.

You walked to the other side of the room, waving at a few guests before slipping through the employee door into the lizard’s tank. “Hey, Idia, I’m back!”

“That’s fine,” came the dreary responding voice. You couldn’t find the source under all the bushes, so you waded carefully through them, making sure not to step on anything blue.

The lizard halfling doesn’t seem to be very friendly. Or, rather, he doesn’t seem very happy.

“Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?” you asked.

“No,” Idia replied.

“What do you like to eat, if not burgers?” you asked the halfling you still could not find.

“In the wild, I ate insects,” he drawled, “So fried grasshoppers would be nice.”

“I’ll put in a good word with your keeper,” you told him, finally spotting electric blue scales in the corner of his tank.

Idia lay on his stomach, head resting on his crossed arms. He looked up at you with a bored expression, “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem,” you said cheerfully, crouching down across from him, “If they don’t change your diet, I’ll try to bring you something.”

Idia’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened, “Y-you would do that? For me?”

“Of course,” you said with a gentle smile. Idia did not return the gesture, but you could tell his features had softened a little.

“I don’t like humans. Or other halflings,” Idia said in his soft, dreary voice.

“I understand,” you replied, “Do you want to be left alone for now?” It would suck if he said “yes”, sure, but you knew you had to take getting close to him in little steps.

Idia was silent for a moment before sighing, “No, you can stay.”

“Do you enjoy being here?” you asked, remembering your conversation with the snakes.

“Yes,” Idia replied immediately.

“Why?”

“I requested my own tank, so I don’t have to interact with anyone else. I get to be alone as long as I want.”

“Introvert, huh?” you laughed.

“What is that? Why are you laughing at me?” Idia sounded hurt, and you rushed to explain.

“No, no, I just meant… introvert means you like being alone at least sometimes,” you said, “I wasn’t laughing at you, I just…”

“Of course you would laugh at me,” Idia said, burying his face in his arms.

“No, it’s okay!” you said frantically, “I would never want to insult you. I’m so sorry.”

Idia peeked at you from under his arms, “Really? You won’t insult me?”

“Of course.”

“I…” Idia sighed softly, “I want to be alone for now. It’s nothing personal. Just… too much for today.”

“Okay,” you said reluctantly, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Idia sighed again, watching you as you got up and left the enclosure, feeling like you’d messed up big time.

There were so many things to remember… you really wish Floyd hadn’t destroyed all of your notebooks for the day, because you’d have to write everything down as soon as you got home. You were so upset that you barely realized you had arrived at the next enclosure’s door.

You opened it up and embraced the humid air of the “jungle”. Like before, the two albino tigers stood near the door as though they were guards. This time, Silver was awake and alert, both of them staring at you with stern expressions.

Sebek’s expression softened as he recognized you, but Silver’s remained poker-faced. 

“What are you doing here again? We have already been fed,” Sebek said, suspicion lacing his voice.

“I’m here as a researcher. I was wondering if we could talk,” you said, trying to sound like you weren’t intimidated by the predators in front of you.

Silver’s ears and tail twitched at your words, but Sebek remained stiff.

“Talk about what?” Sebek asked.

“Well, are you enjoying your time here?” you asked, “What made you come here?”

“Young master is fascinated by humans and decided to take the zoo owner’s offer. We decided to follow him.”

“Young master?”

“Malleus.”

The panther with horns, you realized with a start. The amount of respect that they must have for him, choosing to follow him to a zoo halfway across the world, made you a little scared of him. To think there was a halfling here that could use magic… It made you more than a little nervous to know you had to approach him.

“Are you enjoying your time here?” you repeated.

“It is nice,” Silver spoke up, his expression still not changing, “Comfortable. No competition for prey.”

Sebek nodded, “It is better here.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” you were genuinely relieved. Jamil seemed to have his reservations, but everyone else seemed happy enough.

“You want to see Malleus?” Silver asked.

“Young master is not one to be approached so casually!” Sebek roared. You covered your ears, the sound reverberating in your skull.

“Maybe you could escort me. You know, since you and Malleus are so close,” you suggested.

Sebek seemed stunned, “Young master and I? Close?”

“He wouldn’t have let you come if he didn’t care about you, right?” you weren’t sure your logic made sense, but you did want to make the tigers happy.

Silver stood up straighter, but his face was still stern. Maybe he doesn’t show emotion well.

“I would appreciate it if you could bring me to see Malleus and the other panther halfling,” you said.

“Lilia?” Silver said, perking up a little, “Yes, we can see him.”

“Alright, let’s go!” you said cheerfully.

“We can see him,” Silver said again.

You followed his gaze and realized that, once again, the panther with black and pink hair was hanging upside down on the branch above you. You recoiled in surprise, “You- you scared me! Geez…”

Lilia let himself fall to the ground, landing on his feet gracefully, “I’m sorry. Did not mean to scare.”

“It’s okay,” you said, holding a hand to your heart, feeling it pound under your skin. It began to slow as you got over the shock of his sudden appearance.

“Can we all go see Malleus?” you asked him. Somehow you felt safer approaching him with three halflings on your side than if you were alone.

Lilia looked surprised. After a moment, he replied, “Yes. We can.”

The four of you, led by Sebek, walked through the jungle. You finally came across the clearing you had been to earlier, finding the horned panther stretched out on the rock, as if awaiting your arrival.

You waved at him and his eyes widened, as though he didn’t expect it. He sat up, “You approach me without fear, child of man.”

You realized he was right. Although you had been afraid at the thought earlier, now that you stood before him, you had no fear. In fact, you kind of felt fascinated. As if in a daze, you walked up to him and asked, “Can I touch your horns?”

Sebek made a spluttering noise, Silver’s expression finally changed to surprise, and Lilia let out a soft gasp. Malleus’s eyes widened even further before a gentle smile spread across his face.

“Yes, you may touch,” Malleus said softly.

You reached out and touched the right horn, your fingers touching the rigid surface, surprising you with its warmth. Malleus’s eyes fluttered closed and he let out a soft sigh, as though pleased by your actions. You wrapped your hand around it, feeling how tough it was and moved your hands down, feeling how it went from slim to thick. 

Malleus let out a moan, jolting under your touch. Time seemed to freeze as he slapped a hand over his mouth in embarrassment. Your face ablaze, you let go of his horn and profusely apologized.

Silver and Sebek were avoiding Malleus and your gaze, looking in opposite directions with blushes on their cheeks. Lilia, on the other hand, let out a giggle.

“I should… um… go back now!” you said, backing away. Malleus nodded, hiding his face from you with one hand.

You, Silver, Sebek, and Lilia began the trek to the enclosure door, Lilia still giggling the whole way. When you got to your destination, you awkwardly waved to them.

“Wait,” Lilia said. You turned around and he continued, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For making him happy,” Lilia said with a closed-eyed smile. 

Cheeks heating up, you managed to mutter out a goodbye before fumbling with the lock and bursting out the door. 

All three pairs of eyes watched as you left the zoo.

[letsatomicbanana]

silly post in which results will be used for science (names are in alphabetical order + Dream and Nightmare share one option 'cause they're identical twins and the options are based on sanses that are more commonly headcanoned as autistic, from less to often)

PROPAGANDA:

Cross: Struggles with containing his emotions (feels everything 110% at all times), sometimes shuts down and is generally rigid who follows specific routine/patterns (although, you could argue that X!Gaster is responsible for his behaviour)

Dream and Nightmare: Dream doesn't seem to get social cues and is easily manipulable (this seems to have changed in more recent times tho, since he matured as a character) and is very emotional. Nightmare (passive) was a reclusive and shy kid who didn't interact much (tho, It's could be caused by the fact that the villagers hated him for being the negative guardian), seemed to have hyperlexia and an interest in literature (i think, correct if i'm wrong)

Error: Seems to have severe sensory issues (specially touch), doesn't interact with people, has a fixatd interest in Undernovela, chocolate seems to be his safe food, has problems with showing empathy and hates when things doesn't go his way. (Things to consider, most of his problems seems to caused due to the fact that he was trauamatized into solitude and has a highly inconsistent body, due to being a glitch.)

Ink: Shows issues with interpesonal communication and social understanding/cues, seems to have a fixed interest on AU's/Art, has hyperfixations that gets in the way of social interaction, constantly stims, extremly under-responsive to sensory stimuli, shows signs of object personification, has low-empathy and hates when AU's don't follow a specific script/rigid with changes. (Things to keep in mind, some of his traits could be caused by his isolation in the doodlesphere, but it isn't unlikely putting in mind how persistent they are. Ink seems to be coded as neurodivergent in canon)

Swap: There isn't much to say about him (due to a lack of canon) but since he's a papyrus-based character (who seems to be austitic-coded) it's definetly something to keep in mind.

[nebulousbrainsoup]

Day One

🏔️ SUMMARY: Something has been missing for the past few years Wooyoung has been to the mountain with your family and his. Maybe this year, he'll figure out what it is. 🏔️ PAIRING: brother's best friend!Jung Wooyoung x Kang!reader 🏔️ GENRE: smut, fluff 🏔️ AU/TROPE INFO: brother's best friend, mutual pining, childhood friends to lovers 🏔️ WORD COUNT: 6.2k whoops 🏔️ WARNINGS: language, smut, woosansang banter, sansang undertones 🏔️ RATING: mature 🏔️ A/N: Happy holidays from your CoDNet secret santa, @wooyoungqueen! This was so much fun to write, and I really hope you enjoy it!! it got a little away from me lol smut tags under the cut ; divs from @cafekitsune masterlist | join my taglist | buy me a coffee?

NSFW TAGS/WARNINGS: first time together, light praise kink, fingering, oral (fem receiving), wooyoung’s nose, they’re both switches, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control but boo), riding

The weeks following Wooyoung’s birthday had been a flurry of activity for nearly as long as he could remember. Whatever energy had been put into planning his celebration was rapidly redirected to coordinating the family’s annual trip to the mountains—an event that seemed to grow with him. It had been going on for as long as he could remember, beginning as a much-needed post-holiday getaway for his household. The first expansion came in middle school, when he met and attached himself to Kang Yeosang—the two families melded together naturally when the Kangs moved in next door, and one cabin rental became two, right next to each other and nestled among the pines at the Jungs’ favorite resort. It had been on one of these early trips that you and Wooyoung had become nearly as attached to each other as he and your older brother had been and, much to Yeosang’s chagrin at the time, their duo became a trio.

Despite Wooyoung and Yeosang having graduated and moved out, they both still found themselves drawn back to that same resort year after year. You, on the other hand, had not been so lucky. Your degree had proven a bit more demanding than either your brother’s or Wooyoung’s and, after your first year, they found themselves sharing deflated smiles as they watched you breeze through your parents’ front door after Christmas dinner. Something within Wooyoung ached each time, and the cabin he now shared with his brothers and yours—the cabins had long since been shuffled from ‘Jung’ and ‘Kang’ to ‘Parents’ and ‘Kids’—never quite felt the same.

He’d never quite figured out why his favorite tradition had begun to taste so bittersweet. Maybe, he decided, it was the monotony finally getting to him. Yeosang liked to call him a child of chaos, reminding him often that his creative slumps usually just meant he needed a change of scenery. He’d discovered every nook and cranny in both of the cabins they rented each year by the time he was 14. He’d been through every freestyle zone and explored every tree trail his board could fit through over the years, and even taught Kyungmin a few tricks. Now that he was of age, he’d been to every bar within walking distance of the slopes, too. The novelty had to have worn off; he’d seen and done it all. He’d give anything to see his safe haven for the first time again.

Maybe, just maybe, seeing it through someone else’s eyes would have the desired effect.

“Sannie, you said you snowboard, right?” He called from the couch, barely glancing up from his phone.

Wooyoung’s roommate blinked at him from the kitchen, leaned against the breakfast bar with his spoon halfway to his mouth. “I have before. I don’t… do it regularly.”

“And you had fun, right?” 

San blinked, confused, and let his cereal settle back into its bowl. “Yeah? What is this about, Wooyoung?”

“Great! You’re coming on the ski trip this year.” 

“Are you paying?” San scoffed half in jest, rolling his eyes heartily before turning his attention back to the book he had pinned to the counter.

“Yes.”

The flat tone of Wooyoung’s voice had him stunned, eyes wide as he slowly looked back up. “Are you serious right now?” When the younger nodded resolutely, no twinkle of mischief in his eyes, San gaped. “You’re not going to come up short on rent for this, are you?”

Wooyoung snorted. “No. It’s a family thing. My older brother can’t go anymore, so we’ve got an empty spot. Wanna come?”

“Absolutely.”

Pulling up to the cabin two months later with San in the passenger seat of his rented

SUV, he was certain he’d found the piece he’d been missing over the past few years. His friend’s excitement was palpable and contagious, the elder’s leg bouncing furiously and his cheeks split into a wide grin as he drank in the scenery. Wooyoung couldn’t help but laugh a little as he launched himself from the car the moment it was in park, spinning in the snow-covered driveway to take in the full view.

“Do you really come here every year?” He asked, his voice a little breathless with awe. 

Wooyoung grinned, nodding. “Since I was a kid. We stayed in the cabin next door until I was in high school, but that’s for the real adults now,” he snorted a laugh. “Once Sangie and I hit high school, we were trustworthy enough to watch my little brother, I guess, and it’s been kids and parents since. My older brother usually stays with us too, but he has some work thing, I guess.” San nodded, silent and still staring, and Wooyoung couldn’t help but watch him for a moment with a stupid grin. “C’mon, help me unload before everyone else gets here. Yeosangie’s ruthless about first-come, first-serve room picking.” 

That seemed to snap his roommate from his awe-struck stupor, and within moments, they found themselves wrapped in the familiar warmth of the cabin. Crossing the threshold into resounding silence had a pang of something wrong echoing in Wooyoung’s chest, and he frowned for a moment as he tugged his boots off. 

“This is nice.” 

San’s voice tugged him out of his thoughts, and Wooyoung forced a smile. “Right? Follow me, the good bed’s upstairs.”

They were each draped over separate arms of the couch, half-focused on the drama Wooyoung had put on, when the rumble of tires on the driveway pulled him from his half-asleep daze. San perked up with him, eyebrows raising as he blinked at his friend in question. “Your parents?”

Wooyoung gave a noncommittal shrug. “Or the Kangs.”

“Should we see if they need help?” He offered, standing and heading for the door. 

“Fuck that, it’s cold as shit out there,” the younger complained, nestling further into his blanket cocoon. “Have fun freezing your ass off.” 

“So thoughtful of you, Wooyoung-ah,” San teased, disregarding the grumble that left his friend. 

He listened as the front door shut and his friend called a greeting toward the car, a familiar female voice responding. Huffing a sigh, he turned his attention back to the TV. He could deal with his mother’s chastising of his terrible hosting later. 

What he hadn’t been expecting, however, was the door of his own cabin to swing back open wide minutes later, a blast of cold air cutting through the air along with an all-too-familiar laugh. His chest tightened inexplicably as it rang like a bell, San’s low chuckle echoing after it, and he turned toward the sounds.

“Two years, and you can’t even come help me with my suitcase, Youngie?”

At the sound of your voice, Wooyoung felt the air around him shift. The cold light filtering in through the windows seemed to warm with your entry, and all at once, the vast, empty cabin once again felt full. He stood, eyes wide and shining with glee as his jaw dropped open for a moment, his chest tightening with something he refused to acknowledge. Schooling his expression into his usual mischievous smirk, he crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re a big girl, Y/N, you could handle it yourself.”

You sighed heartily, rolling your eyes playfully before turning your gaze to San, who was busy shutting the door behind you. “At least chivalry isn’t completely dead.”

He perked up with wide, round eyes, flashing a megawatt smile at you, and Wooyoung felt the cabin dim a little again. “It’s no problem at all. Where do you, uh… Wooyoung hasn’t given me the full tour, so I’m not sure where to take your stuff.”

Once again, your mirthful gaze turned toward your childhood friend, and his smirk ticked back up. “I assume this one took the good bed all for himself already.”

“The early bird catches the worm, and all that,” he taunted back, San nodding affirmation beside you.

You clicked your tongue in disapproval, sighing and shaking your head. “Can’t even let me enjoy it. I have to get my gear from the car, but I can show you when I get back in, if this one’s still intent on becoming one with the couch.” You nodded back toward Wooyoung, pulling a bark of laughter from San, and something within the younger twisted. 

“I can show him, go get your stuff,” he sighed, waving you away as he started for the hall. San glanced between the two of you for a moment before catching your amused, warm smile and, confusion alleviated, followed his friend.

“You didn’t tell me your friend had a sister.” 

Wooyoung hummed quietly in acknowledgement, pushing open the downstairs bedroom door. He hadn’t stayed in this room in years, preferring to curl up in the upstairs bedroom with Yeosang and leave this space for his brothers, and for a moment, he was surprised at how small it felt. The twin beds in their corners and the heavy wooden dresser had seemed impossibly big, once upon a time, and lonely as the moonlight filtered through the blinds. Now, the space felt close and cozy, the patterned quilts and stripes of sunlight bathing the room making it look like something out of a catalog. Wooyoung’s chest tightened again and he smiled, nostalgia settling like a blanket around his shoulders.

“Honestly, I didn’t think it would be relevant,” he admitted, pulling open the closet door to check for extra blankets. “You can put her stuff on the bed by the window; she prefers that one.” Behind him, San’s eyes narrowed. “Like she said, it’s been a couple of years since she’s been here, and nobody told me she was coming.” 

“Are there going to be enough beds?”

Wooyoung paused, lips pursed in thought and hands on his hips as he turned to face San. “That… Is a very good question. I think we have air mattresses? Worst case, we can stick the kid on the couch or something. We’ll worry about it when—” The sound of a car horn cut him off, and Wooyoung peered through the blinds to peek at the driveway, a grin splitting his face. “After everyone else is through unloading. C’mon, we can still hide in the bedroom if we hurry.”

San fixed him with a flat look, shaking his head gently. “I am going to be nice and help your family unload their car. You can come with me, or you can leave me unattended to gossip with your mom for however long this takes.”

Wooyoung blinked owlishly until San turned to leave, following along behind his roommate on autopilot. “I hate you,” he muttered as they paused to tug on their boots, and San grinned.

Preparations for the traditional, joint-family, first night dinner were underway as you bustled around the kitchen with Wooyoung and both of your mothers. Yeosang and San had both offered their assistance; your brother had been met with a resounding, unanimous ‘No’ from the four of you, which he responded to with a cheeky grin and a small giggle, and San had immediately rescinded his offer. It felt natural for the four of you to be here together again, dancing around each other with a practiced ease as your mothers set themselves up at the island, massive metal bowls and all of the ingredients for kimchi spread out between them. You and Wooyoung quickly sidled up together at the stove, whisking the tteokbokki and potstickers that had been waiting into the living room to keep your fathers, siblings and Wooyoung’s friend occupied while you made the main course. You weren’t surprised to find your brother sat on the floor, his arms open as Kyungmin rushed him for a hug, but you caught the small, choked noise Wooyoung made at the sight of San alongside the pair. You flashed him a private little smile, and a swarm of butterflies kicked up in his stomach.

When you settled at the stove together, you nudged him with your hip, prompting a huff of laughter and a return of the gesture.

“I like your friend.”

Wooyoung nearly dropped the skillet in his hand, the heavy dish clattering against the stovetop loud enough to put a stop to your mothers’ conversation. They peeked back at you, but Wooyoung waved them off as he swallowed bile.

“San?” There was an edge to his voice, he could tell, and he could only hope you hadn’t noticed it, too.

“Yeah,” you nodded, seemingly oblivious as you stirred black bean paste and brown sugar together. “He fits in well and he’s really sweet. You should bring him every year.” 

Something vile twisted in Wooyoung’s gut. “Maybe. I’ll see if he wants to come back. Who knows, maybe you’ll scare him off?” He snarked, flashing you a wicked grin. You barked a laugh, elbowing him and earning a squawk of indignation as his pork-filled skillet shifted over the fire. “Careful, you’ll burn dinner! Or worse, me!”

“What’s this about you being the worst?” Yeosang chimed as he slipped over to the fridge, his sudden appearance pulling a shout from the man next to you.

“Oh my god, you need a fucking bell!” 

“Watch your mouth, there are children present,” you chastised, clicking your tongue. “We were talking about San,” you supplied as you turned back to your work, and Wooyoung frowned. Yeosang caught the look before he could wipe it away, cocking an eyebrow and smirking knowingly over the neck of his bottle. 

Whatever that meant. 

Wooyoung glared at him.

“I like him,” Yeosang offered, “he’s sweet. And handsome.” Wooyoung flashed him another glare, this time unintentionally, and your brother shrugged innocently.

You, completely unaware, hummed in agreement. “I was telling Youngie he should bring him back next year. Maybe we could talk to Mom about swapping cabins so I could bring Somin with me and introduce them; they’d be a cute couple.” 

The nastiness in Wooyoung’s gut untwisted, and he sighed silently. “I like that idea!”

“I don’t,” Yeosang grumbled, frowning. “Then I’ll be stuck as the fifth wheel.” 

You both whipped your heads up to him, brows furrowed in confusion. You thanked whoever was listening that your brother was on the other side of Wooyoung, because you flushed bright pink at his teasing. He was well aware of the little crush you had on your mutual best friend, and he took every opportunity to tease you for it.

“Last I checked, everyone else here was single, and that’s probably not going to change any time soon,” you huffed, stirring the mixture in the wok with a bit more vitriol. Yeosang hid his smile behind his bottle as Wooyoung, too, glared at him.

“You never know,” he hummed, sauntering off back into the living room.

The silence that fell between you and Wooyoung held more tension, this time, as you both processed. Wooyoung stared at the kitchen backsplash, unblinking, until your voice broke him out of his thoughts. 

“You’re burning the pork.” He startled, promptly pulling the skillet off the stove. You laughed, and just like that, things returned to normal. Shaking your head, you spooned the black bean paste into a bowl and offered him the wok. “I thought you said you knew how to cook now.” 

Wooyoung huffed indignantly, hip bumping you to the side. “I can make jjajangmyeon.”

“That was mean, Yeosang, rubbing it in like that.”

Your brother hummed from his place on his bed, eyes glued to the ceiling. Lazily, he turned over and blinked at you. “I’m not rubbing anything in. I’m trying to open your eyes here. He’s been in love with you since we were kids, Y/N.” 

You rolled your eyes, flopping onto your own mattress. “If he had been, he would have done something about it.” Yeosang snorted. “I’m serious! If there’s one thing I know about Wooyoung, it’s that he takes what he wants.”

“You think that rule applies to his best friend and other best friend’s sister? He’s probably worried I’ll be pissed if he tells me or something.” 

Again, you rolled your eyes.

“I wouldn’t, honestly,” San replied, eyes wide as he tracked Wooyoung, pacing the floor in front of him. “I know how mad I’d be if it turned out you were in love with Haneul.” 

“That’s what I’m saying, Sannie,” Wooyoung huffed, collapsing on his back and spreading out across the mattress. He squirmed, situating himself with his head in San’s lap, and the elder obliged, petting at his hair. “But she’s so pretty.” 

“She is,” he agreed, holding his hands up in surrender as Wooyoung glared daggers at him. “I’m just saying! Your friend’s sister is pretty! Would you rather I disagree?”

Wooyoung huffed a sigh, frowning and settling back into his roommate’s lap. “God, this week is gonna suck. Having her here is like… It feels better, but it also feels worse, y’know? She’s so close but so far away.” 

“You could always, like… Ask Yeosang for permission, first.”

“Didn’t you just advise me against that? Whose side are you on here?”

San shrugged. “I’m just trying to help so I don’t have to listen to you complain all week on the slopes.”

Wooyoung reached up, the back of his hand coming into contact with San’s shoulder and pulling a pained noise from him.

In the morning, you were all up early. Breakfast was a quick, chaotic affair of the four of you cycling in and out of the kitchen, breezing past each other and shouting across the cabin as you made plans. Within an hour of pulling Yeosang from the comfort of his bed, you were all crammed into Wooyoung’s SUV, flasks on your hip to warm you in the snow and your gear strapped to the ski rack. Yeosang, much to your surprise, had slipped into the back seat before you'd even left the house, and was chatting away happily with San as you slid in the passenger seat. 

“Who are you and what have you done with Kang Yeosang?” you teased, flashing your brother a skeptical half-glare. He huffed a breath through his nose and rolled his eyes, flopping sideways to lay his head on San’s shoulder, The man flushed bright red but he didn’t flinch or pull away, and you filed that information away for later. 

“I made a friend. Let me enjoy him.” You thought San flushed brighter at that. 

“Good luck, Sannie, you’re never getting rid of him,” you warned good-naturedly, flashing him a smile in the rearview mirror.

He gave a nervous half-smile, nodding. “Can’t imagine wanting to.”

Your brother’s lips pursed into a small ‘o’, and you watched with a grin as pink dusted his cheeks, too. 

Wooyoung seemed surprised by your presence in the front seat, too, as he poked his head in and met you with a “deer-in-the-headlights” look. “That’s not the Yeosang I know.”

You gestured at him, smacking his arm lightly as he climbed into the car. “That’s what I said!”

He grinned, laughing his signature, unfiltered cackle, and your heart clenched. “God, I’m glad you’re back.”

Whether or not Wooyoung noticed the way you sheepishly smiled at your lap, your brother did. He grinned, nudging San, who blinked at him in confusion. This would be a fun week.

The four of you began the day together, meeting at the base lodge with the rest of your family to distribute lift tickets and set an emergency and end-of-day meeting point. You started as you always did, cruising down some of the shorter greens at the base of the mountain as a whole unit as you got your legs under you. You, Wooyoung and Yeosang were ready to crank it up in minutes and, for the most part, your parents were ready to follow. Kyungmin and San were falling more than the rest of you, the former sticking close to his brother and the latter frowning and sighing as he fell into the snow. Yeosang chuckled and laughed at the pout visible under his helmet, skiing over to offer the snowboarder a hand up, and you were left alone to drink in the scene. 

You sighed happily, staring up at the peak and drinking in the scenery as you leaned on your poles. People darted and dashed around you, cutting through the snow with ease and creating the perfect soundscape of white noise. You didn’t notice when Wooyoung slid up nex to you until he spoke, startling you out of your reverie. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” 

You jumped, leaning hard on your poles and reaching out to steady yourself. Wooyoung dropped his board into the snow and planted his boots, arms wrapping around your middle as you stumbled on your skis. Sighing as you found your balance again, you rested your hands on his arms, eyes slipping shut. 

“Thank you,” you hummed, turning over your shoulder with a smile to—oh.

He was so close to you. You felt your cheeks heat again, this time not from the sting of the cold. “You’re… welcome,” he muttered, and you felt your heart leap into your chest.

“Hyung!” You nearly fell back over as you and Wooyoung jumped apart at his little brother’s excited cry. “Did you finally tell Y/N-ie that you love her?!”

When you looked back at Wooyoung, stunned, he stood stock-still, his expression unreadable under his helmet. The tension could be cut with a knife as silence settled between you.

It was your brother that saved you, head snapping toward you like a meerkat at Kyungmin’s shout. With a quick word to San, he zipped over, calling out to the youngest. “Kyungmin-ah! Why don’t you come help Sannie? He’s having a little trouble.”

“But Yeosang-hyung—”

Before the boy could protest further, your brother grabbed his hand, tugging him across and along toward the rack San was sat beside, leaving you and Wooyoung alone.

“Y/N, I—”

“You love me?”

You both began at once, but your words cut through the air like a war cry. 

Wooyoung was quiet for a beat and you squirmed, glancing away to your brother for an escape. He afforded no assistance, his back turned to you and shielding the younger Jung’s gaze in a way you knew must have been intentional. 

Finally, he spoke, he voice barely audible over the roar of the lodge activity. “I always have.”

You huffed a sigh, rolling your eyes and shuffling on your skis, starting away. “Of course you have, Wooyoung. Like a brother does, always. Never anything more.”

“No, Y/N, you’re wrong.”

You froze as he called after you, turning over your shoulder to stare at him. He had taken his helmet off, it and his goggles hanging limply at his side, giving you a window into his heart through his warm brown eyes. He swallowed thickly and stepped forward, offering out a hand. His was shaking just as much as yours was as you took it, using him to balance as you popped your skis off. He gave you no time to pick them up before he was in front of you and dropping his helmet to the ground, taking your other hand in his and breathing a quick sigh.

“I wanted this to be romantic and blow you away and this may not be the best time, but god dammit if I don’t tell you now, I might never.” He paused, taking another breath. “It’s been more since I knew what ‘more’ meant. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember—not as your brother or his best friend. I love you for you; for the woman you are, the girl you always have been, and whoever you may become. You are… so gorgeous and so sweet, and I’d do anything to call you mine.”

You were beaming at him, clenching his fingers tight like a vice as he paused. The silence had him squirming, you could see, and you scrambled for something, anything to match his heartfelt confession. In the end, what came out of your mouth was, “All you have to do is ask.”

“Kang Y/N, will you do me the incomparable honor of being my girlfriend?” His grin matched yours. 

“Yes, absolutely,” you sighed, breathless between the mountain air and the affectionate tightness in your chest.

The next instant, his lips were on yours, and you grasped desperately at his shoulders as you scrabbled for your footing in the snow. Behind you, you thought you heard San cheer, and you laughed quietly against Wooyoung’s lips. When you parted, breathless for an entirely new reason, you were happy to find your boyfriend just as disheveled, beaming at you like you hung the stars. 

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Wooyoung.”

Out of sight—not that you would have noticed—your brother held out a fist for Kyungmin to bump.

“What was that you said about ‘never having a chance?’” Yeosang teased over dinner that night, the four of you sprawled out between the two couches in your cabin. You pulled your sweater over your face to hide your embarrassment, snuggling deeper into Wooyoung’s arms.

“Oh, shut up! He’s been your best friend and one of mine since we were kids. How was I supposed to know—”

“You were supposed to trust his best friend and your brother, is what should have happened,” he huffed.

“How did you even know?!” Wooyoung protested. You could hear his glare.

“You’re not subtle, she’s just oblivious.”

“Hey!”

“That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about!”

Yeosang sighed, rolling his eyes heartily and pushing himself up off the couch. “I’m already sick of third wheeling. San, come help me move your stuff so they can have their own room.”

Wooyoung grinned against your neck, squeezing you tight. “Oh, they might regret that,” he hummed in your ear, tapping your thigh to guide you off of his lap. “I’ll help! Sannie can stay.”

Your brother raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth ticking up in a smirk. “Oh, now he’s helpful. A changed man.”

“Only the best for my princess,” he teased, shooting you a wink over his shoulder. You pulled your sweater up over your nose again, grinning and hiding your flush.

An hour later, your stuff had been moved into the upstairs bedroom with Wooyoung’s, and Yeosang and San were gathering their gear. You turned to peer at them over the back of the sofa, eyes wide and innocent. “Where are you off to?”

“We saw signs for night skiing, and he was interested,” your brother explained, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder. “I didn’t want to leave him with mom and dad, so I’m going too. I think Wooyoung was thinking about coming, but…” he gave you a knowing look. “I thought if we gave you a couple hours of alone time, we could sleep tonight.” 

Your cheeks heated. “Yeosang!” 

“Thank you, bye, have fun!” Wooyoung called as he slid up behind you and looped his arms around your waist. “That’s enough talk about our future sex life. Be safe.”

“Two and a half hours,” your brother warned, giving you both a pointed glance. Behind him, San’s cheeks were tinged pink. “Remember what I said.”

This was directed over your shoulder to Wooyoung who, when you turned, had gone a little pale. The door shut with a purposeful slam and you turned in his arms, cupping his face.

“What did he say?”

“That, uh… If he hears anything, he’ll give our moms the details. And tell your dad.”

“We’d better get it out of our systems while he’s out then, huh?” 

You’d watched Wooyoung short-circuit before over Yeosang babbling on about his engineering studies, mostly. Being the reason he did so now, especially when it was enhanced by the pretty pink tinge that rose in his cheeks and ears, was an entirely new and delightful experience. 

“Unless you don’t—” you began when the silence stretched, only to be cut off by his lips on your own.

“Absolutely the hell not,” he practically growled, and you felt your knees go a little weak. “I’ve waited way too long to have you—I’m not waiting any longer.”

“Then don’t,” you breathed, stepping back from him and catching his hand in yours as it fell between you.

The two of you practically dashed up the stairs, barely pausing to kick the door shut and lock it before your lips were pressed together again, both hungry for each other. His hands ran up your sides and under your sweater, rucking it up and grabbing at the soft skin he found underneath. Your fingers tangled in his hair and tugged, pulling a pretty moan from him that you wanted to hear more of right then and there. He gave you no time, however, spinning you and walking you back toward the bed. 

When your knees hit the mattress, you both fell in a giggling heap onto it, Wooyoung caging you in below him with his hands on either side of your head. His lips found your jaw the moment you both settled and he let his eyes flutter shut as he trailed kisses down your throat. There would be time to watch you come apart for him later; now, he wanted to bask in all the pretty little sounds you let out as he worked you up. It didn’t take long before you were squirming under him, hands grasping at his hair while his lips and hands sought each other through the barrier of your sweater. When his lips reached your neckline, he guided you up and pulled your sweater over your head, tossing it to the side, your bra quickly following. 

He sat back on his heels, hands on your waist to keep you upright as he drank you in, eyes wide and earnest. You felt your cheeks heat, tugging at the hem of his own shirt to resist the urge to cover yourself. He obliged immediately, the garment discarded like yours, and your hands immediately found his skin. Wooyoung shivered as you ran your fingers up his chest, tracing over the lines of his abs and ghosting over his nipples, delighting at the shiver that lit down his spine and the whine that spilled from his lips.

In the next moment, his lips were on yours and he was guiding you onto your back once more. His hands stopped only to squeeze your breasts and tweak at your nipples in return, pulling a gasp from you and a grin from him, before they came to rest at your waistband, fingers dipping under it. You lifted your hips obediently, your lounge pants and underwear being pulled off and shucked away at once and earning a purr of “Good girl,” from Wooyoung.

You whimpered at that and he grinned, raising an eyebrow at you as he lowered himself between your legs. “Noted,” he hummed, pressing a kiss to the inside of your thigh. “Sit there and look pretty for me while I open you up, okay.”

At a loss for words, you nodded dumbly, gasping as his lips met your skin again. You melted back into the pillows with a moan as his breath ghosted over your core, hips twitching in anticipation. “W-Wooyoung,” you tried. He grinned wickedly up at you. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you.”

Without another word, he was pressing his tongue to you and lapping a fat stripe up your core, flicking his tongue over your clit with a little flourish. You squirmed and he grinned against you, moaning into your heat as you tugged at his hair, silently begging him to come closer. He obliged and buried his tongue between your folds, the curve of his nose bumping against your sensitive bundle of nerves as he lost himself in your taste.

His hands came up under you to cup at your ass, kneading at the soft flesh as your thighs landed over his shoulders. You whimpered and squirmed, thighs twitching by his ears, and Wooyoung couldn’t think of any place he’d rather be. His fingers prodded against your entrance and he glanced up questioningly as your hips jerked, as if both you and your body were unsure if you wanted more or less. The sight that met him was one of beauty; your hair was spread across the pillows around you and the hand that wasn’t tangled in Wooyoung’s hair had begun kneading at your breast—and Wooyoung rutted down into the mattress with a low groan. 

You nodded frantically as he pressed more insistently against your core, and he quickly slipped a finger into you, preening at the sigh you let out. He worked it slowly in contrast to his quick tongue, and the difference quickly had you seeing stars. Eyes still locked on your writhing form, he pressed a second finger in with the first and crooked them up, seeking out your sweet spot. The moment he found it, he grinned, committing the little squeak of pleasure that left you to memory for later.

It took seconds, then, for the coil in your gut to snap, and your back arched off the bed as you rode out your high against Wooyoung’s sinful mouth. His eyes were wide and innocent as he worked you over your peak with no sign of halting, only freeing you from your torment when you tugged him back by his hair. He surfaced with a gasp and a grin you quickly wiped off his face as you crashed your lips against his own.

There was no time for him to react as you shoved him down next to you and climbed into his lap, settling your weight over his clothed cock. He groaned and winced, neglected length throbbing painfully at the sudden stimulation. You giggled and he glared, hands settling on your hips to encourage you to start grinding against him. With a coy smile, you moved his hands back to the sheets and shifted back to his thighs, fingers tucking under his waistband. What you found made you freeze, and you were gifted with another beautiful Wooyoung giggle as he grinned up at you. 

“You were expecting this, weren’t you?” You muttered as you tugged his pants down and, just as you had guessed, found no underwear beneath.

He shook his head, expression suddenly softer. “Expecting, never. Hoping?” He grinned like a Cheshire and leaned forward, cupping your ass and dragging you up to press your core against him. “Always,” he purred, darting up to catch your lips once more. 

You hummed happily as you ground down against him, the friction welcome but far too little after experiencing his tongue and fingers. “Wooyoung,” you managed between kisses, shifting further up so his head caught on your entrance. “Wanna ride you baby, please?”

He let out a wrecked groan and nodded, wrapping an arm around you to lift you as the other positioned his cock at your entrance. “Wait, shit,” he murmured, shifting under you. You whined, thighs clenching to keep him in place. “Condom.”

“I’m on birth control,” you muttered, grinding against him, “wanna feel you, please.”

Wooyoung cursed, hips rolling up against your own. “Don’t have to tell me twice.” 

You beamed, pressing another quick kiss to his lips as he lined himself back up. His hands held you steady, setting the pace for you as he filled you inch-by-inch and you whined in protest, brow furrowing. Pressing his wrists down into the sheets, you sat yourself on his cock in one fluid motion, pulling cries from both of you. Ravenous, you slotted your lips against his and immediately began riding him in earnest, grinning against his lips at the squeak he let out.

“F-Fuck, babydoll,” he gasped out, hands returning to your hips when yours grasped the headboard for balance. “Not gonna last if you keep at this—shit.”

“Play with my clit,” you breathed, walls clenching around him at the hungry look he gave in return, “and I won’t either.” 

Wordlessly, he nodded, tongue flicking out to wet his thumb before settling over your clit, pushing back the hood before rubbing tight circles over it. You let out a broken shout and he moaned quietly, cock twitching pleasantly inside you. 

“G-G’nna…” he gasped, swallowing thickly as he staved off his climax.

You nodded, pace picking up just barely as you chased your releases. A moment later, your walls began fluttering around him and your back arched, mouth open in a silent scream as you plummeted over your peak. The sight of you was all it took for Wooyoung to follow, reaching up and pulling you down into his chest as he emptied into you.

The silence was jarring when you both came back to your senses, only the sound of your heavy breaths filling the space now. You sighed with a smile and let your eyes flutter shut, allowing yourself to bask in the afterglow before the sweat would force you to the bathroom. Your boyfriend held you tight, pressing kisses into your hair as his hands roamed over your back.

“I love you, Wooyoungie,” you murmured sleepily, smiling as you felt him chuckle.

“I love you too, Y/N-ie,” he replied readily.

“This is the best year yet.” 

He beamed. “And it’s only day one.”

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© December 2023 nebulousbrainsoup | all rights reserved. reposting and translating of author’s work is prohibited.

[faegoddessog]

To Places You'd Never Been: A pre-Bikerider's fic

Summary: Benny has two things that balance the violence in his life: the freedom of the road and making women cum. Were you just another in a long line of girls he 'introduced' to your own pleasure? Undoubtedly. Did you care? Hell no. What he taught you about yourself that night changed everything for you.

Warnings: Hotness... duh. Sexualizing motorcycles and smoking, Benny in charge, fingering, tongue to clit action, getting you comfortable with seeing and touching his cock, PiV.

Explicitly Mature Content 18+only

A/N: I hadn't planned on writing a Benny fic. In fact I was taking a hiatus from writing new things to edit one of my stories for publishing. But this one came bubbling to the surface. The idea of Benny riding around the midwest in the 60's handing out orgasms to women like candy is just too hot to not write. Enjoy!!

Special thanks to my t-bestie @purejasmine for proofreading for me!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Let me know if you want added or taken from my tag list.

@purejasmine, @slowsweetlove, @richardslady121, @austinbutlerslovers, @tadpoleteef, @allittakesisoneflight, @thisworldisntrealhoney,  @1nho,  @megangovier, @briaandthephantoms, @andro-inherdreamworld @callumsgirl @blombardo  @fefeisastar @hacunamy @nestito702 @denised916 @jayydep @r0m4nitcl0v3r @heyidc03 

To Places You'd Never Been

Seriously, Benny was good lookin’. Even with a thin film of road grime on him, he was by far the hottest man you had ever seen. His quiet mystery made him all the more appealing. 

He’d seen you at the bar, knowing it was way too rough a place for a girl like you. He had sat down, introducing himself, then just stared at you for a full minute as you sucked on the bottle of your grape pop, unsure what to even say. 

“Wanna take a ride?” he asked.  

“I uh, should… home,” you had said, barely able to rub two words together into a sentence under his stare.

“Well then two birds, one stone,” he stood and offered you his hand. He was tall and slim under that jacket. His blond scruff of a beard made him look rugged. and his blonde hair longer on top and curling up just a little behind his ears made him look both classic and modern at the same time. 

Sitting on the back of his bike was in and of itself, sexual. When you slid your hands around his tight waist and pressed your body to his, you knew you were a goner. You had scooted up close to him, holding on for dear life as he hit the clutch and the gas, rolling out onto the street. When he finally braked in front of your apartment, it pressed your jean-covered crotch hard into the vibrating seat behind him. Fuck you weren’t usually this kind of girl, but there were exceptions to every rule. 

“Wanna come in? I could make you a sandwich or something,” you offered, your two girlfriends that you lived with were gone for the weekend.

Benny just smiled at you, licking his lips. 

“Alright,” how he was able to put so much meaning into one word, you had no idea. 

You had made it as far as shutting the front door behind him. When you turned back you were in his arms and he was kissing you, his plush lips soft against your own. Counterintuitive to his outward demeanor, he was gentle and slow with his tongue. It somehow made you feel safe. His hands roamed your back, dipping down to trace the roundness of your ass with his palm. There was no doubt what he was asking for in everything but words. 

“Do you, um… actually want a sandwich or like…” you asked stupidly as he pulled from your lips. You couldn’t help it, your brain being temporarily short-circuited from the hotness of the man. 

“No, not yet anyway,” he smiled, “gotta work up an appetite first, if….” he let the question hang in the air with a raised brow. 

You knew exactly what that ‘if’ had meant.  Now you are standing in your bedroom, biting your bottom lip,  nervous as hell. But there is no way you are passing on this man. He rummages in his jacket pocket, pulling out a rubber and tossing it and his cigs onto the bedside table, before carefully draping his colors and jacket on the dresser. His white shirt has grease smudges and dirt on it, which somehow makes him that much more appealing. Everything about this man is a contradiction.

“You a virgin?” he asks, turning back to you, “not that I care, just wanna know do I gotta be careful.” 

You shake your head, blushing more for being under his stare than at the question. “I had a guy, Robbie,  we did it a couple times. Then we broke up just before he left for college.” You don’t know why you are telling him this, it’s not like he asked. 

“Did you like it?” he asks, bending to untie his boots.

“Yeah,” you shrug, “I guess so.”  It had been adequate, though you hadn’t seen what all the fuss was about. The whole thing had taken Robbie less than 5 minutes and left you messy. But you had figured that’s just what it was. You had liked the kissing part leading up to it and the rest had felt ok. Well, after that first time,  but there had always seemed like something was left off for you. You didn’t know what. 

“So he didn’t see to ya? Didn’t make you finish?” his eyes sparkle as he asks you blatantly. 

“Finish what?” you ask, honestly wondering what Benny was talking about.

“Oh, honey, I’m about to blow your mind,” he pulls you in close, the smile on his face one thick as thieves before he kisses you again. 

“Now, baby girl, are you gonna do what I tell you?”  his voice was like honey’d whisky, smooth and intoxicating, “I promise you won’t regret it.” 

You just nod, heat pooling in your lower belly. You have no idea what is going on with your body.

“You're gonna be my good girl, aren’t you, sugar,” he says as he unbuttons your blouse and pushes it off your shoulders. You are mesmerized by his eyes, the softness of his touch. 

He unsnaps your bra letting it fall to the floor. You automatically cross your arms across your boobs, self-consciously holding your elbows. The light was still on in the bedroom, for Christ’s sake!

Benny sits down on the bed, kicking off his boots. He gently moves your hands apart saying, “Now, now, let me see.” 

He takes your breasts into his hands, thumbs tantalizing your nipples. You let out an involuntary moan, the kind you didn’t know you could make. 

“Good girl, these tits look delicious.” he keeps narrating to you, like you are some anxious racehorse. It’s the most he’s talked all evening, but it soothes you, makes you trust him. 

He takes one into his mouth, your nethers clench and another moan escapes you. Robbie was never like this, never made your breath come short.  Why the fuck are your hips pusling back and forth like this? 

Somehow your jeans are undone and he’s pulling them off. He takes a big inhale at your soft cotton panties.  

“You wet for me, baby girl?” he asks looking up at you with those puppy dog eyes.

“Huh?” you frown at him. 

After poking uselessly at you and making you cringe, Robbie had just spit on his hand and rubbed it on himself in the dark room. He had pushed in hard. It hurt, but your girlfriends had told you it might hurt that first time. You had sorta ignored that first bit the other couple of times.

Benny just shakes his head, smiling. You might as well be a virgin, he thinks. That’s okay with him though.  

Violence is such a normal part of his life that he doesn't even really think twice about taking a punch or giving one. Fuck, if you couldn’t square off against another guy, what the hell kinda man were you? That’s just how it is. 

Some of the guys talk about how they like to hold women down, force them or choke them. They say the girls like it, but Benny doubts that.  The married ones say it’s good to get in and out fast cuz their old lady gets pissed if they take too long. Not Benny though, all that violence needed balance and he found it in the freedom of the road and pleasuring women. Once he found out that they could get their rocks off too, he made it his quiet mission to make sure any girl he’s with has a good fuckin’ time. Most of the chicks he’s fucked had never blown before, just like you. Damn if he’s not gotten a taste for watching a woman explode for the first time. The look he gives you is like a kid in a candy store. 

He hooks his forefingers onto the waistband of your panties and pulls them down. They stick at your crotch, making him moan in appreciation. You quickly look down, embarrassed, worried it might be your period or something. A thin, clear string stretches from your panties to your lips, and breaks when he pulls them to the ground.

“That’s what I mean. What’s got you so wet? Huh, baby girl?” He knows that his motorcycle does this. He doesn’t even begin to think that it could be him, he loves that fuckin’ machine so much, it’s the only thing that makes sense. 

You assume the question is rhetorical.

He leans in and kisses your belly just below your button, “It means I can…”  he lets his fingers finish the sentence, sliding along your wet lips. A shuddered breath sounds from you as he presses two fingers inside you. 

His lip curls, watching your face. Your eyes widen as he pushes deeper, his other hand is wrapped around your hip. 

“Fuck, you are tight, baby girl, we gotta make you ready for me,” lust is written across his face. He’s experimented with finger fucking, with different ways to move in a girl’s pussy. His favorite is waggling his fingers back and forth deep inside, but first he’s gotta spread those juices around, so he moves slowly in and out of you. His lips reach for your nipple and your hands thread through his hair. 

You've never felt like this before. What the hell is he doing to you? Slowly it dawns on you that you’ve been missing out in a big, big way. When he finally pushes in deep and moves his fingers back and forth inside, something fires inside of you. It’s like he’s made you into one of those tension puppets. Y’know the ones where you push the button and it goes all limp. If he didn’t have his other arm wrapped around your ass, you’d have collapsed right there in front of him. 

“Yeah, that’s it,” he holds you up, fingers fucking in and out and hitting that internal button. You moan and hold onto his shoulders. Not sure what you are feeling and why, you only know that it’s good and you don’t want him to stop. 

“Jesus, Benny!” is all you can say, you really do feel like your mind is about to blow.

“See?” he says after a few minutes, “So wet for me, baby.” He pulls out, his grease stained fingers shiny with your juices.  He licks it off with a long tongue. “MMM, I think you are ready for me now.” 

You just nod, he made you feel so good, way better than Robbie ever did, even when you were making out with him. 

Benny stands up from the bed, still fully clothed. And there you are, stark naked in front of him. 

You reach to turn off the lamp on the bedside table, nervous about seeing him naked, you’d never really seen a man naked down there, didn’t really understand what ‘it’ looked like, never even touched Robbie’s in the dark. But Benny grabs your hand, shaking his head. He likes to see. 

He steps to the side, peeling off his grimy shirt, his muscles glistening in the humidity. You’ve seen guys with no shirts, that’s pretty normal, especially in summer. But like, Benny? He was on a whole other level. You didn’t know men had muscles like this. He turns around and catches you staring at him, arms crossed protectively in front of you. You shouldn’t stare, but you do.  

Benny takes your hand and brings it to his belly. It’s all the encouragement you need as you start outlining the muscles on his torso with your fingertips. He unbuttons his levis and they and his boxers drop to the floor. 

You nervously look everywhere but his crotch. 

You hear him chuckling, then his fingers are on your chin, making you look into his eyes. 

“It’s ok, baby girl, you can look,” he moves your hand down to his shaft, “you can touch. It won’t bite.” 

You feel warm, smooth skin under your hand and a hardness under that, like flexed muscle. You look down to see his stiff rod in your palm. You really have no basis for comparison as far as size, but it looks like you could easily stack both your fists around him and still have his pretty pink tip poking out the top. It is pretty too, probably the cleanest part on him. Suddenly, you wonder what it would be like to have that tip in your mouth. You’d heard girls talk about giving head and the thought had made you cringe then, but now you get it. It’s beautiful. 

He breathes in a sharp inhale as you close your fingers around him. You quickly look up at his face, worried that you hurt him somehow. His nostrils flare and he pulls your hand to his mouth, swiping spit from his tongue into your palm, eyes never leaving yours. Normally, someone spitting in your hand would gross you out, but the way he does it and the look in his eyes somehow makes your breath come quick. He wraps your hand around his shaft again, closes his own over yours, gently moving you both back and forth. 

“Is that… is that good?” you ask, not sure what he wants, but wanting to make him feel as good as he made you feel. 

“Yeah,” he breathes, “Just needed to take the pressure off for a little minute.” His hips thrust a little into your hand. 

Yeah, pressure, that’s what it was deep inside you. Weirdly you can feel it now, even though he’s doing nothing to you. It’s like a fountain trying to burst past gravity.

“Ok, baby girl, you ready to have your mind blown?” he asks, hands on your shoulders. 

“There’s more?” he had already made you feel so good, you couldn’t imagine feeling better. 

“Oh, hunny, he really didn’t treat you right at all,” he shakes his head, “I’m gonna punch him in the face if I ever meet him.”

The vision of Robbie laid out on the street with a burgeoning black eye makes you giggle. He was an asshole at the end.

Benny lays you down on the bed, legs hanging over the edge. “I’m gonna get you close before I put this in you.”

“Close to what?” you hope he’s gonna do the finger thing again. You open your legs to him eagerly. 

“You’ll see,” he smiles as he lowers to his knees in front of you, ripping the rubber wrapper open with his teeth. 

You breathe out a sigh and close your eyes as his fingers slide into you again. You feel his other fingers pulling you apart, then something wet presses against your exposed nethers and flicks. 

“What the hell Benny?” you say, curling up and putting your hands on his head. You don’t know whether to be appalled or awestruck, but in an instant it feels so good. He just holds you tighter and buries his face deeper into your muff. Then his fingers start doing ‘the thing’ again and you are lost.  That pressure builds up inside you, fuck it feels so good. Your hips start bucking against his face, your fingers curling and releasing in his blonde mop of windblown hair. 

Just when you don’t think you can take anymore he backs off, leaving you in a 180 of wanting more. 

“Don’t Benny,” your thoughts dissipate as you see him rise to his knees in front of you, his condom-covered cock standing tall. You had no idea when he’d put it on and honestly you’ve never really seen a rubber before today. 

“Don’t what, baby?” he says with a smile. He licks a thick line of spit between his two fingers, then rubs it on his covered tip. 

“Stop,” you breath. He is absolutely gorgeous, you can’t even complete your thoughts, “don’t stop.” 

“Oh no,” he agrees. 

He lifts his chin, and you scoot back onto the length of the bed. He doesn’t even have to speak and you are eagerly following his directions. If he isn’t the devil himself, he’s a close second. You’ve never seen someone so hot and so cool all at once. He climbs up on his knees between your own, stroking his cock. Shit, it looks huge from this angle, if you weren’t so turned on, you’d be scared of it. He reaches down, pulling you apart, spreading you as he guides his cock along your slit. 

He looks at you with one eyebrow up. You nod, wondering if it’ll feel like his fingers or if it’ll hurt. He is barely in you when the pad of his thumb begins to rub circles against you. Fuck, you don’t know what he is hitting, but it’s fucking magic. He pushes his cock in slow, stretching you. It almost burns, but not the way that other guy, whatever his name was, had. It doesn’t hurt at all. The fact that you are so fucking wet is making all the difference.  

“Oh god, Benny!” you hear your own voice saying. You feel so fucking full it’s crazy.

He slides in and out slowly at first, then gets faster as you adjust to him. 

“That’s it, that’s my baby girl,” he croons, “you love it, don’t you? You love being on the end of my dick.” 

“Yeah,” you say without even thinking. 

“Look at that little pussy taking my cock so well,” he murmurs, more for himself. “Reach down here and touch yourself for me,” he demands, pulling your hand down between your bodies.

You are tentative at first not sure where to touch, he continues to push and pull himself in and out of you. Your fingers are drawn to the place where he is entering you. It’s wet and the feeling of his shaft drawing in and out, the friction, it pushes you that much further towards… something. 

“Where do I…?” you ask. You’ve never touched yourself before.

“Wherever it feels good, baby,” he smirks at you. He just knows he’s gonna love what comes next. 

You feel around with your fingertips rubbing until you find the spot. And when you hit it, holy fuck it feels good. You had no idea you could do this to yourself. What the fuck?! How come nobody never told you this?! You are gonna have some things to say to your girlfriends, that is for sure. 

“There it is, just like that, good girl,” he says watching the play of emotions on your face, “don’t you stop.”  

He lays his body down on yours, propped onto his hands.  This close he smells of motor oil, beer, gasoline, cigarettes and something else, something so intensely masculine. For years to come, a whiff of any of these together will make you wet, make you yearn. The filling station will forever be the biggest turn on that you’ll never tell anyone. 

“Now, you keep lookin’ right here,” he whispers against your mouth. “I wanna watch you fall apart on my cock.” His voice pours over your ears, just as much a factor in turning your crank as his face, his fingers, his body, his cock. He is a fuckin’ dream. 

He pumps his hips, staring into your face. You keep rubbing at your pussy. It’s crazy how quickly that pressure builds up again. 

“I, I think I gotta pee or somethin’,” you say, brows furrowed. 

“No you don’t, keep going baby girl, it’s about to happen,” he licks his lips. He is so turned on by you at this moment. It’s hard for him to keep his throbbing cock at a steady pace. He just wants to plow into you.

Your hips start to buck against him, wanting him deeper, harder. Your body starts to just take over, racing to a finish line that you can’t see.  

Benny gives in, thrusting into you harder, his jaw tense with his own control.  Your fingertips slip between your folds and land on a hard nub. It’s like a magic button and you are suddenly shattering under him. You can’t keep your eyes on him, your legs shoot straight, your belly arches against him and your hips shudder. You are writhing on the end of his dick. 

 You hear someone crying out… it’s you. 

“That’s my good girl!” he moans. Watching you cum, writhe, moan, feeling your wetness trickle against his balls is that last straw.

“Fuckin’ yes, yes YES, take my cock, take it all,” he is like a machine in your pussy. Thrusting hard and fast and holy fuck it’s divine, transcendant even, as your body just reacts to the intense pleasure. 

His wild roar is nearly like his motorcycle as he unloads. Sweat on his brow, fingertips leaving tiny indents wherever they land and tighten. His red face is screwed up in authentic and real pleasure. Then he practically collapses on you, his breath panting, your arms are around him, cradling him nearly like a child.  Shakily, he rolls off you and you both lay there trying to catch your breath.

Never in your wildest dreams had you known your body could do this, that feeling like this was a thing. Was it some kind of seizure?

“What the hell was that?” you look over at him, feeling both light as air and wrung out like a rag. 

He reaches for his pack of cigarettes and lights one up. He takes a drag, waits a second and blows out a stream of smoke. 

“That was you finishing, doll,” he smiles, pulling the rubber off and putting it in the trash. 

“I wanna do it again,” you say without thinking, “Can we?” 

“Alright,” he gives you a sly smile around the white roll in his mouth. He steps, digging into his jacket and produces a string of connected red and white sealed packets. 

You go get an ashtray and a couple glasses of water. 

You did it again and again and again. He made you sit on top of him and ride him. It gave the memory of riding his motorcycle a whole new, delicious meaning.  He played with your tits from behind until you begged to be fucked, then he simply pushed you onto all fours and pressed into you from behind. You diddled yourself,  balancing on one arm until you found that magic button. And when you lurched forward, splayed onto the mattress in orgasm, he followed you, pounding into you. By the end, it was the wee hours, he was propped on his elbow next to you, his fingers deep inside you as his cock was utterly spent. You were wantonly spreading your pussy lips and rubbing hard right on your little nub. 

“Yeah, get it, one last good one for me, baby girl,” he was saying around the unlit cig between his lips. He watched as you bucked and squirmed all over his fingers, wetness dripping down his wrist. 

Each position, each time brought you to new heights that you hadn’t imagined.

You never did make him a sandwich.

When you woke late the next morning, only the ashes and butts in the tray and the rubber wrappers on the floor suggested that any of it actually happened. Well that and the delicious ache you felt between your legs. Try as you might, you couldn’t find him anywhere. You braved the bar where you met him, even asked a few guys there, but none of them knew. 

For the rest of your life, anytime you saw a guy on a chopper,  you checked to see if it was him. But it was all in vain. 

Benny was gone. 

[novaursa]

Unseen Fires (the price)

- Summary: He loved you as long he knew how. And you never noticed it.

- Paring: sister!reader/Aemond Targaryen

- Rating: Mature 16+ (just to be safe)

- Previous part: embers

- Next part: him

- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne @oxymakestheworldgoround

The night sky over Driftmark was dark, save for the moon that cast a pale, silvery glow over the rooftops of High Tide. Aemond stood in the shadows, watching as you mingled with the others—Jacaerys, Lucerys, Baela, and Rhaena—your laughter mixing with theirs as you traded stories and memories of the day. It was supposed to be a time of mourning for Lady Laena, but the warmth in your voice held no hint of sorrow, only the ease of familiarity with your nephews and cousins.

Aemond lingered at a distance, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He had never felt more out of place than he did here, surrounded by those who seemed to have everything he lacked. Their dragons, their easy camaraderie, the way you fit so naturally among them. He had no place there, no bond with a dragon, no childhood tales to share. He felt like an outsider even among his own blood.

His gaze lingered on you, as it always did, drawn to the soft curve of your smile, the way your eyes shone under the moonlight. You had tried to include him, pulling him into conversations, offering him smiles that made his heart ache with a need he couldn’t put into words. But he could see the pity in your eyes, the kindness that only made him feel smaller, more insignificant.

You saw him as a brother—your younger brother, who still trailed after you like a shadow, hoping for the slightest bit of attention. Aemond had thought he could live with that, could endure the feeling of being overlooked, but tonight, the bitterness in his chest twisted too sharply to ignore.

He turned away from the gathering, his footsteps carrying him through the winding paths of High Tide until the sound of your laughter faded into the distance. His chest ached with an emptiness he couldn’t fill, an anger that had nowhere to go. He clenched his fists tighter, nails digging into his palms until the pain was sharp enough to cut through the turmoil.

He could hear his brother’s taunts echoing in his mind—Aegon’s mocking laughter, the words that had been said too many times. “You’re just the boy without a dragon, Aemond.” The shame of it burned inside him, mingling with the raw, unspoken desire to be seen, to be acknowledged by you. Not as a brother, but as something more.

He walked until he reached the beach, where the sea crashed against the rocky shore. There, in the distance, the largest shadow of them all loomed against the night sky—Vhagar. The ancient dragon was resting near the water, her massive form outlined against the glow of the moon. Aemond’s heart pounded in his chest, a mixture of fear and determination surging through him.

This is my chance, he thought, his breath quickening. If I can claim her, if I can prove myself, maybe then… maybe you’ll look at me differently. Maybe you’ll see that I’m not just a boy trailing in your shadow.

The idea had taken root in his mind earlier that evening, but now, standing before the great beast, the reality of it crashed down on him like a wave. Vhagar’s breaths were deep and slow, rumbling like distant thunder, her eyes closed in slumber. She was the largest of all living dragons, a creature of legend and fire, and she would be his.

Aemond swallowed hard, forcing down the fear that rose like bile in his throat. He moved closer, step by step, each one feeling like a battle against the terror that twisted in his gut. His hands shook as he reached out toward her, his voice low and uncertain as he whispered the Valyrian words he had taught himself.

“Dohaeras… Vhagar,” he murmured, his voice barely audible over the sound of the sea. “Serve me… obey me.”

Vhagar’s eyes snapped open, a flash of molten gold in the darkness, and Aemond felt his heart lurch into his throat. For a moment, the dragon simply stared at him, her gaze sharp and ancient, weighing him with a measure he could not fathom. He stood his ground, his breath catching, a cold sweat beading on his brow as he met her gaze.

She knows, he thought, panic and determination mingling inside him. She knows why I’m here. She knows that I need her. That I need you to see me.

The dragon’s breath washed over him, hot and searing, but Aemond held firm. He could feel the fire in his veins, the raw, unfiltered desire that had driven him here, the desperate need to be more than what he was. He thought of your laughter, your smile, the way you looked at others with that warmth in your eyes—a warmth he craved more than anything. And he channeled all of it into his voice, calling out again, louder this time.

“Dohaeras, Vhagar!”

For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of the waves and the thundering of his own heart. Then, slowly, Vhagar lowered her head, her breath stirring the sand around his feet, her eyes still locked on him with an intensity that burned. Aemond swallowed back the tears that stung his eyes, a surge of relief and triumph flooding through him.

He climbed onto her back, his movements unsteady, his breath coming in ragged gasps. And when he settled into the saddle, gripping the old leather straps with hands that trembled, he whispered the command that would change his life forever.

“Soves,” he breathed. “Fly.”

And she did.

Vhagar’s wings unfurled like massive shadows against the moonlight, and with a roar that shook the very ground beneath them, she launched into the sky. The wind tore at Aemond’s face, the world falling away beneath him, and for a moment, he felt weightless—free in a way he had never known. The fear that had gripped him was replaced by a fierce, burning exhilaration.

He imagined what you might think when you saw him return with Vhagar, when you saw him as he truly was—strong, capable, worthy of your admiration. Would you smile at him then, with that soft look you reserved for others? Would you finally see him, truly see him, and not just the shadow of the boy you’d grown up with?

But even as he flew, the doubts lingered, whispering in the back of his mind like a voice he could not silence. What if it’s still not enough? What if you still look at him with those same eyes, those same gentle, unknowing smiles? What if all of this—the danger, the risk, the fire in his veins—means nothing to you?

Vhagar sensed his turmoil, rumbling beneath him, her power and ancient wisdom flowing through the bond they shared. He could feel her thoughts brushing against his, a deep, wordless understanding that cut through the chaos in his mind. It was as if she knew his secret, the longing he had carried for so long, and in her acceptance, there was a silent promise.

She will see you, Vhagar seemed to say, her voice like the rumble of distant thunder in his mind. But it may not be as you hope.

Aemond’s grip tightened on the reins, his jaw clenching against the uncertainty that threatened to drag him down. He pushed it aside, focused on the thrill of the wind and the power of the dragon beneath him. For now, he could pretend that claiming Vhagar would be enough. That when he landed, you would look at him with something other than the affection of a sister, that maybe—just maybe—you might see him as more.

As Vhagar soared higher into the night sky, Aemond let the cold air sting his face, let it mix with the hot tears that he refused to acknowledge. He held onto the hope, fragile and desperate, that this would be the moment that changed everything. And yet, deep down, he feared that no matter what he did, no matter how high he soared, he would never reach the place where your heart lay.

He would never be anything more than the boy you pitied. The boy who had finally claimed a dragon, but who could never quite claim the one thing he truly wanted.

And when Vhagar’s wings carried him back toward the lights of High Tide, Aemond braced himself for the moment you would see him. The moment when he would come face to face with the truth he both longed for and dreaded.

The throne room of Driftmark is a blur of noise and chaos, the voices of your family clashing like swords in the air. They echo off the stone walls—shouting, accusations, words sharp enough to cut. But to Aemond, the sounds are distant, muffled, like a storm raging somewhere beyond reach. He is aware of them, yes, but they are inconsequential, drowned out by the searing pain that pulses through his skull, throbbing where his eye used to be.

The Grand Maester’s hands are rough as they press a cloth against the wound, the sting of the herbs burning deep into the raw flesh. Aemond grits his teeth, biting back the pain, focusing instead on the weight of your hand clasped tightly around his own. Your fingers, slender and warm, tremble against his skin, your grip desperate, as if you are afraid he might slip away if you let go.

“Aemond, I’m sorry,” you whisper, voice thick with unshed tears, and Aemond’s focus sharpens, drawn to the way your breath hitches, the way your face is crumpled in a pain that mirrors his own. He can feel the way you squeeze his hand, as if trying to hold him here, trying to keep him anchored in the swirling storm of agony.

Your tears slip free, trailing down your cheeks, and the sight of them sends a different kind of pain through Aemond’s chest—one that has nothing to do with the wound or the blood that stains his face. He wants to reach out, to brush those tears away, to tell you that it’s not your fault. But his body feels heavy, weighed down by the throbbing in his head, the fatigue that drags at his limbs. Instead, he swallows down the bitter taste of iron in his mouth and forces his fingers to curl around yours, a weak but determined squeeze.

“Don’t cry for me,” he rasps, the words barely escaping his cracked lips. His voice is raw, strained, but he holds on to the faint thread of defiance that has always burned within him. He wants you to see that he’s strong, that he’s more than the broken boy lying before you, bleeding onto the cold stone floor. But even now, he feels the futility of it, the hopelessness that gnaws at the edges of his thoughts. Will you ever see me as more?

Your head shakes, your tears falling faster as you bow closer to him, clutching his hand to your chest like it is a lifeline. “I should have—should have stopped him, should have been there before he—” Your words dissolve into a choked sob, and Aemond’s heart twists at the sound, even through the haze of his pain.

In the background, he can hear his mother’s voice, sharp and frantic, accusing Rhaenyra, accusing her sons. King Viserys’s voice follows, heavy with the weight of his anger, his attempts to restore order in a room that has already descended into chaos. And there is Luke, somewhere behind the cacophony, his voice quivering with the fear of what he has done, but Aemond barely hears any of it.

All he can focus on is you, your voice breaking, your grip tightening around his hand as you draw closer, your forehead nearly touching his. You’re so near that he can see the way the moonlight catches the glimmer of tears on your lashes, the way your lips tremble with unspoken words. There’s a softness in your touch, a tenderness that Aemond has always craved, even if it comes from a place of sorrow rather than love.

If only you could see, he thinks, bitterness lacing the edges of his thoughts. If only you knew what I’d do for you, what I’d endure for the chance to be something more than just your brother. He wants to tell you that this is not your fault, that he chose to face this danger, that he chose to seek Vhagar and confront his nephews and cousins. He wants to tell you that he would do it all again if it meant earning a place in your heart that no one else could fill.

But the words die on his tongue, trapped beneath the weight of his pride, his fear, the desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, you might hold him a little closer if you believed he needed you. And so, he says nothing, letting the silence hang heavy between you as the Grand Maester’s needle pierces his skin, each pull of the thread sending jolts of pain through his body.

You flinch each time he does, as if you can feel the pain as keenly as he does. And in that, there is a twisted sense of comfort for Aemond—a knowledge that even if you don’t see him the way he wishes, you still care, still feel something when he hurts.

His eye—his remaining eye—flicks up to you, studying the way your brows knit together, the way your lips press into a thin line as you try to hold back the sobs that threaten to spill. He knows he should hate the pity in your gaze, but all he feels is a yearning that nearly chokes him. If this is the only way he can be close to you—if it takes his suffering for you to stay by his side—then maybe it is worth it, even if it tears him apart inside.

“Aemond, please,” you whisper again, your voice barely a breath, filled with a helplessness that shatters something deep inside him. “I didn’t want this, I never wanted—”

His grip tightens around your hand, the effort draining what little strength he has left. “I know,” he manages, his voice low and rough, barely more than a whisper. “I know, sister.”

The word tastes bitter on his tongue, a reminder of the chasm that will always lie between you. Aemond turns his gaze away from the sight of your tears, focusing instead on the ceiling above, letting the sting of his wound drown out the ache in his chest. He thinks of the dragon he claimed, of Vhagar’s might, and how it was all supposed to change everything.

But now, lying on the cold stone, the blood seeping into his skin, he feels smaller than ever—just a boy who reached too far, who thought he could change the way you saw him. And as the voices of your family rise and clash in the background, Aemond closes his eye, trying to hold onto the warmth of your hand in his, even as the darkness begins to pull at the edges of his vision.

He wonders if you’ll remember this moment, if you’ll carry it with you as he will. He wonders if the pain will ever be enough to bridge the gap between you. And when the world fades into a haze of pain and exhaustion, he clings to the hope that maybe, when he wakes, you’ll still be there, holding his hand like you never intend to let go.

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - returning to your roots

Masterlist - part fifteen

Summary: Spider's decision leads to a brother and a sister's worst argument yet. Some things come to a head.

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 20k+ (I am so sorry 🙏)

Overall warnings: mentions of torture, trauma/ptsd, vomit, slight body horror, canon-compliant, mature language, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, rushed, time skips, fluff, angst, major character death, child endangerment, etc.

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69

A/N: Here it is... the ultimate Spider appreciation chapter. I couldn't afford to split this chapter into two parts like I did last time... so if you think some things aren't rendering on Tumblr, please please please click the link to the ao3 version. Enjoy!

Kayla would be the first to admit that she wasn't good at making her kelku feel like a home. Still a soldier at heart, she retained the mindset to keep her quarters clean, organized, and empty of any clutter. The only thing she owned was the weapons with the safety on, cleaned, and tucked away from sight, along with the little necessities she first packed for her trip to the reef, such as the hammocks that are always packed away every morning after a night of rest. As for Spider, all he had was the breathing mask on his face, the loincloth he wore, and the few packages of human rations Kayla and Jake had found for him in a drifting harpoon boat after their battle with the Sky People. 

So, needless to say, the marui pod Kayla was so graciously given by the clan leaders of the Metkayina looked more like what the Sky People would call a bachelor pad back home. At least, that's what first came to mind when Kayla took one look at her new home and decided something needed to change. She had a new place of residence and she even had a teenager living under her roof, a teenager who barely had anything growing up that he could proudly call his. Kayla decided that she needed to make this place look and feel more like a safe space Spider could come to when he needed to get away from the world, which is how Spider found her hours later.

"What's that supposed to be?"

Kayla looked up to spot the teenager in the entryway, staring oddly behind his mask at the object she was trying to put on the far opposite wall of the pod. She looked between him and the large branch which she had spent dedicated time to cutting and molding into a flat surface, before her ears lowered in embarrassment, "Uh... a bookshelf?"

Setting the long wooden board down on the ground for Spider to get a better look, Kayla huffed in exertion and decided she would have to find an easier way to hang up the makeshift piece of furniture she had created. 

Spider's expression only grew more confused as he looked at the warped plank of wood before stating the obvious, "You don't own any books."

"Yeah..." Defeat was already evident in her voice, already aware she had spent hours of wasted time on this project but had stubbornly hoped it would pull through. She stared longingly at the wood piece, ears still drooping with shame, "But I was hoping that putting other stuff on it would liven the place up. I guess it's not as homey looking without any books."

"Wait, what?" He cranes his neck up to look at her, puzzled as he crosses his arms over his chest, the knife cut barely even a scar now, "What are you trying to make it look like?"

"Nothing," she mumbled, now staring down at the makeshift shelf as if it had offended her. She was mentally kicking at it and herself for not succeeding in one stupid little piece of home decor. Realizing that Spider was still oddly watching whatever was happening to her face as she had these thoughts, she decided to straighten her back and head toward the exit, motioning the kid to follow her.

"You know what? You and I are always out of the house anyway. It doesn't need to be fancy. Let's go. I'm thinking of taking you kids out exploring."

Spider takes a moment to watch her leave before glancing back at the 'shelf.' Squinting his eyes, he shrugs and turns to follow her outside, "Cool, sounds like fun."

~~~~~~~~~

Kayla brought Spider to Jake first and asked about taking the kids out into the jungle, expressing how she wanted to show them the waterfall she had previously mentioned to her brother. Before he could reply, Jake was interrupted by Tsireya, who just so happened to be stopping by to see Lo'ak and Kiri. The reef girl expressed her excitement and claimed she knew the spot Kayla had mentioned and how she would love to go with. Of course, Kayla wasn't about to say no to sweet Tsireya, and that made Jake cave in and agree to let his children go with them. 

He watched the group leave with a small smile before getting back to work on strengthening a newly woven sheath for his hunting knife. He wasn't left alone for long as Neytiri had come home from a morning hunting trip she flew around the island. 

She had been silent at first, before looking around and asked, "Ma Jake. Where are the children?"

"They're exploring out in the jungle with Kayla," immediately, he felt the tension in the air, peering up to spot his mate looking fearful, her eyes glossed over in a way that made his gut hurt with guilt. He realized he should've waited until she got home to discuss whether or not she would be okay with letting their children venture out after everything they've been through, but he was hoping this would be a good step forward for all of them.

"They'll be fine, baby," he encouraged softly, "It's just like what we do on date night. It's not like I left them alone."

"I do not like the idea of them being so far away from the village."

"I promise it will be no different than when Kayla watches them at home. She's bringing them to a well-known spot to take a load off and have fun. Tsireya mentioned that she knew the place so it's not like anyone would get lost. They're in good hands."

Neytiri sucks in and lets out a shaking breath but eventually closed her eyes and nodded once in solemn agreement. Jake wanted to feel relief that she wasn't up in arms about this, but he couldn't find it within himself to feel that way. He knew exactly where she was coming from, where her thought process was. He couldn't blame her for being worried, the two of them both thinking the same thing as heavy, grieving silence filled the air. Jake immediately reached out to grasp Neytiri's hand and she clutched tightly onto him.

"Jake-- Devil Dog, do you copy? Jake?"

The sound of the long-range radio abruptly breaking the silence brings both Jake and Neytiri's ears and tails to perk up in alertness, and their eyes immediately harden to ones resembling warriors. Recognizing the voice patching through, Jake reaches for the radio and presses the device close to his lips,

"Dirty Falcon, I read you. What's going on, Norm?"

"Jake, we have a situation."

~~~~~~~~~

It ended up feeling like a school field trip as Kayla found herself with not only Spider and her nieces and nephew, but the other reef children they claimed as their friends. Once Tsireya had been invited, so were Ao'nung and Rotxo, making Kayla the single chaperone of six Na'vi children and one human.

At first, everyone could tell both the suspicious and curious nature the two reef boys felt upon being officially introduced to Spider, but at least they were civil, and they even looked surprised when Spider greeted them in perfect, proper Na'vi. It also helped that both Tsireya and Kiri were adamant about making Ao'nung and Rotxo converse with Spider, determined to make them all friends. 

Rotxo didn't appear to mind Spider at all, being the more curious one and asking the human teenager obnoxious questions that got Spider to laugh. Ao'nung, however, was a different story. He kept his distance and ignored Spider entirely, only nodding once in greeting the human boy and sticking close to the other kids he knew better. Even though the chief's son wasn't hostile toward Spider, Kayla still kept a close eye on him anyway. Tsireya and Kiri were good mediators of the group and took the lead as they traveled further and further into the jungle. Tuk was a breath of fresh air for everyone, constantly laughing and running circles around the group with excitement as they ventured further toward the center of the island, ready for a new change in scenery. 

It was Lo'ak who appeared to be the most estranged out of all of them. He had been quiet the whole way to the waterfall and only spoke when spoken to, faintly smiling whenever it was Tsireya who addressed him. However, Lo'ak was acting more closed off than usual and strayed away from the group as they walked. Kayla made sure to keep an eye on her nephew as well, knowing that his situation at home wasn't the most ideal. Lo'ak was purposely spending time out of his family's marui as of late, either seeking Spider out and hiding away in Kayla's hut with his childhood friend, or he tried blending in with the reef children and was constantly hunting or helping out with chores around the village. He was practically doing anything to keep him away from his family and especially his father, only returning to the Sully marui to sleep and eat.

Kayla noticed how Jake didn't address this as a problem, which is why she was keeping an eye on her nephew. Even though Jake claims to finally See Lo'ak, he is still treating his son much like before. If Kayla was anyone else, she'd leave it the hell alone, but she wasn't. And if she needed to be harsher to her brother about it, then by Eywa, she was gonna do it. She'd do anything for these kids, and that even surprised her to admit that.

It was easy for her to reach out to the children. Her nieces and nephews gave their hugs and trust to her willingly, without trepidation, almost immediately upon meeting her for the first time. Maybe because of that, it was easier for Kayla to accept their hugs and trust when she confidently knew they thrive on receiving touch as well as giving it. Even children who weren't as familiar with her, like the reef children, gravitated toward Kayla, either because she was unique-looking as an avatar, or she was just more laid-back and unserious compared to most adults they knew. For Spider, it was a healthy mixture of both.

For adult humans and Na'vi, it's different. Mature and aware of how the world works, Kayla would rather try to shield the children from the horror of life for just a little while longer if no other adult was going to do it. 

The waterfall was tall and led down into a quiet, beautiful lagoon. Animals scattered from their water hole when the Na'vi children appeared, and Tuk laughed as they ran away. Immediately, the reef children encouraged the others about what to do by shoving one another to get to the water first, jumping high, and splashing into the lagoon. Spider and the Sully kids laughed and soon followed, even climbing up to the very top of the waterfall to jump down from once Kayla was confident that the water was deep enough to do so. 

Kayla watched the kids play in the water while also exploring the waterfall herself, venturing into and standing in the small alcove hidden behind it. Curious, she whoops and lets her voice echo off the walls of the small cave, and the sound rang in her ears. She smiled as an idea struck her, heading back out of the alcove and rejoining the children. None of them appeared to notice anything until she approached them, first going to Little Tuk and pointing out the waterfall.

"Go behind there and scream and laugh as loud as you can. Come back and see if your sister heard you or not."

Tuk giggled excitedly at what she assumed was a game her aunt had in mind and ran toward the waterfall. The teenagers look between Kayla and Tuk curiously but don't mention anything as they watch the youngest child of their group disappear behind the waterfall. It took a few minutes, but Tuk reemerged, out of breath and grinning as she skipped over to her sister, "Kiri! Kiri! Did you hear me?" 

"No, I didn't," Kiri smiled encouragingly at her sister before taking a glance at her aunt.

Kayla smiles, tilting her head toward the waterfall, "You next, Kiri."

"Yes! You next!" Tuk drags Kiri out of the water by the hand, "I'll come with you! Let's try to scream as loud as we can, and if anyone out here can hear us, then we win!"

The Sully girls go behind the waterfall while the rest of the teenagers stare questionably at Kayla. She only shrugs, flashing a smile of understanding at each of them, "You kids have been through a lot lately... I thought maybe you'd like a place to scream out your frustrations without anyone hearing you. Only if you want, but I think you need to let some things out."

When Kiri and Tuk return, the other teenagers glance at each other with knowing expressions. Spider whispered Kayla's intentions to Kiri when she still looked confused, and in response, a grateful look took over Kiri's face as she nodded at her aunt.

Tuk was none the wiser as she ran up to Kayla, "I wanna do it again!"

"Go ahead, sweetheart."

"Will you come with me, Auntie?"

"Of course."

After that, one by one, each of the teenagers decided to slip away while the others were playing in the lagoon to have a few minutes alone behind the waterfall. When each of them returned, they appeared relaxed, lighter than before, and acting their age. Kayla internally pats herself on the back, calling it a success, especially when Ao'nung had loosened up and shared a short conversation with Spider.

If anyone noticed Lo'ak's eyes were puffy and red when he returned from behind the waterfall, they didn't mention it. They only smiled because he was smiling again.

They must have been there for hours, but eventually, Kayla called it a day and everyone was much too tired to argue. On the way back as they trekked through the jungle, Spider kept close to Kayla's side, instinctively keeping a watchful eye out as they walked through the trees, in case something decided to try and grab at the weakest link in the group which at the moment was Kayla with a sleeping Tuk on her back, making her slower than the teenagers. Something caught his eye while they walked, and it was Kayla's songcord swinging in the wind from side to side each time her leg moved forward. He noticed the cord was longer than he had last seen it, the end now sporting a wooden bead and a shell soon after.

"That's new," he simply states. 

Her ear flicks in his direction, and he watches as she looks down to see what he is referring to. Sunlight was right above her, casting a shadow over her face, but even Spider could catch a sudden shift in her expression. If he had blinked, he would have missed the shift. It was there one moment and gone the next, but he noticed a smile on her face, full of fondness, before she shook herself out of it relaxed her expression, and replied, "Yes."

The shift was all he needed to know, "Who gave it to you?"

She squinted her eyes curiously as she looked down at him, "What made you think it was given to me?"

"Answering a question with a question. Isn't that what you soldiers call 'deflecting?'" He smirked.

He didn't expect her to laugh, but he felt secretly pleased with himself when she did, "Touché, kiddo."

~~~~~~~~~

As they reach the village, the reef kids realize what time it is and decide to depart, needing to return home to their families. Kayla and the Sully children thanked them for their company and the fun day before waving them off and returning to their own marui.

Only, it wasn't much of a warm welcome. Upon entering the home, Kayla immediately noticed Neytiri's absence... and the murder set in Jake's eyes.

He huddled near the radio, waiting for the rest of his family to return home as he tried to figure out how he was going to break the news to them. In the meantime, Jake had sent Neytiri away to let out her rage and grief. He knew it wouldn't have been a good idea if she had stayed for this conversation. When Kayla and the children entered the kelku, Jake's murderous gaze immediately greeted Kayla. She froze when she was the first target of that glare, and once the teenagers saw Jake, they froze in the doorway as well, immediately scared with their backs straight.

Kayla kept still as she watched Jake's eyes. She only relaxed a little as she came to the conclusion that Jake's anger wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but he looked vengeful and was aging beyond his years. He looked like a broken man, a father who lost it all. He looked so grim with his eyes nearly staring up at Kayla through his forehead. She knew that whatever happened... it wasn't good.

She sets down Tuk and quietly asks Kiri to take her. She walks up to Jake and keeps her voice down in case he wants this kept between them, "What's wrong?"

His eyes flicked to the kids standing around behind his sister, all of them looking confused and worried other than the bleary-eyed Tuk. He glances back at Kayla and deeply sighs through his nose before deciding to keep his voice at a normal, steady tone. He thought the kids deserved to know, too, 

"Norm just called. They intercepted some RDA radio chatter. Quaritch is alive."

No one dared bat an eye as the news sank in, frozen in place and staring at Jake as if he had murdered a puppy right in front of their eyes. The air turned rigid and eery all around Kayla, the air sucked out from her lungs as though a bucket of ice water ran down her back. She swallowed thickly, trying to react as neutrally as possible... hoping that out of all the times Jake could possibly read her like an open book, this wasn't one of those times. 

Kiri's voice was the first thing that rang out, "Spider?"

Kayla's spell is broken and she immediately unfreezes, whipping around in search of the human boy in question. She finds him instantly as he reacts fast to Kiri's question, pulling away from the group and backing up toward the door. Spider looked frightened and ashamed, his breath irregular as he took one hand and grabbed the opposite elbow, eyes wildly flicking between everyone in the room, Kiri, Lo'ak, and Jake most of all. He looked cornered, despite the doorway now being directly behind as he would not stop backing away. He looked absolutely horrified, and the guilt only ate him alive when his two best friends stared at him with worry and confusion, unaware of the damage he had done.

"I-- I'm sorry."

Jake's eyebrows furrow and his tail twitched, "What--"

"It's not your fault. Spider," Kayla consciously places herself between Jake and Spider, finally finding her voice in the growing tension of the room. Spider turned his body and gazed to the doorway, ready to bolt as Kayla found herself raising her voice, "Look at me--"

The order makes his back stiffen and Kayla internally lashes at herself for ordering him around so formally like a soldier when that wasn't her intention. Slowly, however, Spider finally peered back up at her, and she tried to soften her gaze and voice, "Don't." 

Jake finally rose to his feet, his presence right behind his sister and making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, "Kayla, what are you-?"

"It's my fault."

All eyes return to Spider, and he forces himself to stay still, the smallest one in the room. He keeps his eyes on Jake, trying to relay what he is trying to explain with just one look. Jake analyzed him, eyes slowly squinting in confusion until Spider could see something click behind those dull, yellow eyes. He saw the denial set in first, then the bargaining, then the anger... and then it stayed that way. Jake's eyes begin to harden, and Kayla is suddenly very aware of the raging volcano slowly starting to brew behind her but she refuses to look back. Goosebumps ran down her back and every instinct told her to run, but she kept her feet planted and her eyes on Spider, trying to talk him down from his ledge with just one look.

Lo'ak is the first to ask. He wasn't known for being observant, but as Tsireya had claimed, he was a quick learner. Lo'ak looked between his father and his friend and realized that something had happened. Something unforgivable. Despite possibly already knowing what it was, Lo'ak had to ask... in case he was wrong, "Spider... what did you do?"

Kayla felt a large hand completely envelope around the circumference of her arm and she winced when that hand gripped on tightly and spun her around. She bites back the yelp that nearly escaped her lips as she's being stared down by the enraged Toruk Makto.

"You knew?" Jake accused in a low, deep voice.

She couldn't help it. Her eyes widen in fear, for once, of her brother. As much as she wanted to lie to prevent him from glaring at her like that... she couldn't afford for that rage to turn onto Spider. She rolls her lips, her voice raspy and betraying her bravery, "I... Yes, I knew."

Something snaps in place inside Jake's eyes, a harsh growl eliciting from the back of his throat, "Come here." 

His grip only tightened further around Kayla's arm as he dragged her out of the marui, away from the children who now shook in fear of their father and for their aunt. Kayla wished she hadn't just been paraded around in front of them like that... secretly afraid as though she had angered her own father.

He pulls her out and harshly shoves her in front of him to confront her. Kayla immediately tries to bargain and plead her case before he could get any bright ideas, "But-- you don't understand--"

"Yeah? Enlighten me then," he snarled.

"You can't just ask a kid to leave his own father to die-!"

"You're not his mother, Kayla!" Jake finally roared, the volcano bubbling over.

"I don't care!" Kayla roared back as her fear gave way to anger. Suddenly the volcano was met with an unforgivable tsunami, "He's just a kid! All of them are just kids! You can't expect them to fall in line and be your perfect little soldiers for a war that YOU started!"

Jake seethed and pushed back, "He's old enough to know that he's responsible for his actions."

"Maybe, but even grown-ass adults refuse to admit their faults, present company included," the intended lashing hit dead-on, earning Kayla a wince from her brother. She didn't want to claim that victory over him, however, as the tightening viper in her chest began to unravel, "You say I'm not Spider's mom, and you're right. But you're not his father. Hell, you barely even father your own kids, so why should you father a kid who's not even related to you?"

"Don't you start--"

"You're a good dad to your daughters. Fine. I'll give you that. But you're too hard on Lo'ak, now more than ever. He just lost his brother for fuck's sake, Jake. You of all people know what that feels like!" She screeched.

"Lo'ak is the older brother now. He needs to learn to be responsible for his sisters."

"Oh, like how you were such a great, responsible brother after Tommy died?"

Even Jake's anger gave way to a slight feeling of discomfort and maybe even fear as Kayla suddenly began to laugh in such an unhinged manner, the maniacal grin she gave him sent chills down his spine, "Really? We're adding lying to the list now? Did you treat Lo'ak like a failure because he's reckless or because he's just like you? 'Cause, that's what I see. He's just like you, Jake, and that terrifies you because you know he'll screw up again and again. Just like you."

She took a step forward and Jake took a step back. He wished he hadn't, as his fear only made Kayla smile more, "So tell him that. Tell him the truth. Tell him how Tommy was the golden son, not you. You were never the golden son, not even when you became a marine and lost your legs for your dedicated service. Tell him how you were always the disappointment. Tell him how low you got in life when your brother was murdered and how you abandoned your sister when things got too hard."

Jake tried to regain the upper hand, needing to get this conversation back on track, "This isn't about me or Lo'ak. This is about Spider--"

"I wasn't finished," his jaw clamps shut when his sister's eyes bore into his, the viper in her chest now baring its venomous fangs, "You left me to die on that god-awful planet. From my experience, I know that Lo'ak and Spider would never even think of doing that to someone, let alone their own sisters. I believe Spider saved his father for the sake of being kind, compassionate, and merciful—three traits I doubt he inherited from the sperm donor. Spider is no savage. His doesn't kill as needlessly as you once did."

"He spared a monster's life--"

"Can you blame him? After what Neytiri had recently put that kid through?" Jake's ears lowered at the mention of his wife, and while Kayla wanted to be proud of her brother for always wanting to defend the woman he loved, she couldn't abide by that. She continued before Jake could even try, "Quaritch tried to save Spider from your wife. Can you honestly blame a child for saving the life of someone who was actually looking out for them for once in their young life? Yes, Spider may be young but he's also good. He wouldn't just let someone die, no matter how terrible and not if he could help it. That wouldn't make him any better than Quaritch."

"Kayla, I don't think you're hearing what I'm trying to say. Spider saved the man who promised he'd come after me and kill my whole family if I didn't kill him!"

Kayla's physical fangs made an appearance as she placed the blame entirely on a third party, "Then maybe you should've done a better job at killing him! I was there, Jake! I heard him loud and clear."

She finally closed the distance, prodding an angry finger into the center of Jake's chest as she seethes out, "You don't get to tell me how to parent. You don't even know how to parent, so you don't get to tell me when and where I can protect Spider. You can't even protect him from your own wife, so why should I trust that you have his best interest at heart?"

Moving around him, she definitely shoulder checks him on the way back into the marui, unaware of the wince that briefly succumbed his face, but he didn't react apart from that. He didn't even turn around. He only listened to the sound of her stomping feet, growing further and further away from him.

Kayla was on a mission as she sped back to the marui, only stopping her charge when Spider cut off her path, the human teen storming away as both Kiri and Lo'ak were seen exiting the kelku to chase after him, "Spider, wait!"

Kayla panics a little inside when Spider doesn't even react to his friends calling out for him. She reached out and gently grabbed his shoulder before he escaped too far, "Heyheyhey-- Spider? What's wrong--"

"Just leave me alone!" He screams and Kayla's instant reaction is to let go of his shoulder as if she had injured him. She took a step back like she had been shocked, frozen as she caught a glimpse of his face through his breathing mask, seeing the obvious red cheeks and angry tears uncontrollably slipping down his young face. 

Kayla tried her best to relax, regain her patience, and hide her anger toward her brother so Spider wouldn't misunderstand. Breathing deeply, in and out, she tried to speak in her best, soothing voice, "... Okay."

At first, Spider looked shocked before it immediately melts into anger and frustration, his teeth seething out his aggravation as he glared at her, "Shit-- Why do you have to be so understanding?!"

"I just-- I want to help you, kiddo--"

"Just leave me alone! Please!"

He had raced off without ever giving himself the satisfaction of seeing Kayla's expression crumble into defeat. Kiri approached her aunt at this moment, briefly grabbing her hand as she moved to follow her oldest friend, "I got this, Auntie. Spider, wait!"

Kiri continues to chase after the human teen, while Kayla helplessly watches them both eventually disappear into the center of the village, beyond her sight. 

Spider wasn't expecting Kiri to continue following him. He thought he'd lose her in the village, but by the time he reached the edge of the jungle and moved further in, he knew his attempt to escape detection was futile. Eventually, he caves in and waits for his friend to catch up, all the while he tries to calm down, his conflicted emotions fueling his panicked, harsh breathing.

"Please, Kiri, just go--"

"Sucks for you, Monkey Boy, 'cause I'm not going anywhere," Kiri immediately starts off when she finally caught up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "We just got you back--"

Spider huffs in disinterest, "After how long? Weeks? Months? Why couldn't-- Why didn't--"

Kiri could see Spider struggle with his next words. She could tell how angry, betrayed, and confused he was trying to express, and eventually, she figured out what he was trying to say and managed to voice his questions for him, "Why did we run instead of going to look for you?"

He didn't say anything, just trying to catch his breath. His silence was answering enough for the Na'vi girl as she continued, "I wanted to. Badly. But Dad believed you would be safer as long as you were away from us. And if we left, you would be even safer."

"That's bullshit." He glowered, still seething behind his mask.

Kiri's ears lower, a sentiment she felt in regard to Spider's statement. She had once thought the same when her father relayed that same excuse to her when he first told her that it was impossible to save Spider and that they were leaving the Omatikaya.  

She nods in agreement, "... Only a little. Dad thought that if we took off, then you couldn't tell the Sky People where we were."

The betrayal wins over control of Spider's expression, staring up at her with such pain and disbelief, "I would never--"

"I know. I know," she was quick to reassure while taking another step closer. She managed to pull him further toward her until her arms were fully wrapped around him, her chin resting on the top of his head. She lowered her voice to something soft and soothing, "I wish we tried harder, Spider. I really do, and I'm so sorry."

She moves her hand up to gently grasp the back of his head, "But Kayla didn't give up. No, she stayed in the forest and kept looking for you, even after we had left for the ocean. She was so determined to find you, especially after she earned her ikran. Dad said that she even wanted to go after you, alone, when they heard you were sited at reef villages in the south."

Silence followed and if he currently wasn't standing stone-stiff in her arms, Kiri would've thought he had fallen asleep. The sounds of the flora and fauna around them were calming all of Kiri's senses, and she tried to bleed that feeling into Spider, gently tightening her grip around him.

Finally, Spider caves in, his shoulders slouching in defeat until he finally allows himself to lean into his best friend's embrace. His thoughts sounded far away as he spoke, "I... I wish she found me sooner."

The words haunt Kiri, her mind trying to wrap around everything that those words could possibly mean. She squeezes him a little tighter as she mumbles into his hair, "Spider... what did they do to you?"

Silence filled the air once more until he managed to settle on one word, "Nothing."

Kiri pulled away and Spider winced thinking he had upset her. But she doesn't move very far, only so that she can meet his eyes, her hands resting on both of his shoulders, "War orphans stick together, remember? You're my brother, Spider. You may not be able to see it, but I wholeheartedly believe that. You can tell me no living being will ever know."

He wanted to tell her everything. So badly it almost felt like it could burst out of his chest at any moment. He wanted to share certain parts he initially left out when he tried catching her and Lo'ak up on everything he had seen while captured. He wanted to explain why he has nightmares, and why he's afraid of waking up in a cold, sterile room. He wanted to tell Kiri that he saved Quaritch for more than just pity or kindness. How the man, no matter how terrible, saved Spider's life more than once, or at least saved the boy from unimaginable pain and torture.

The thought of those white lab coats immediately sends Spider's mind into a spiral. That awful, bright, and blinding machine, spinning rapidly around his head, his eyes forced open to watch as he began to feel the blood drip down his nose... his memories forcefully being ripped away from him...

The only thing that stops his nightmares from continuing is the thought of Quaritch, the man who stopped that machine from eating away at the boy's mind.

Spider wanted to tell Kiri everything... but the fear of her not being able to understand was much stronger, "I... I can't... I'm sorry."

She squeezed his shoulders reassuringly, "Don't be."

"No, Kiri--" He corrected himself, letting out a shaking breath, "I'm sorry for letting Quaritch go. Neteyam-- Quaritch-- He held a knife to your throat."

"And my mother held a knife to yours. We're even."

It was meant to be a joke, but it quickly fell flat on her tongue once his posture changed right before the last of the sentence even left her lips. He bristled like a scared cat, eyes hard with a flat tone of voice that made Kiri instantly regret her words, "That's not funny."

"You're right. I'm sorry..."

He pulled away despite the hurt expression on her face. He pointedly avoids looking her in the eyes, "I think I need some space... please..."

"Okay. Just... whatever you decide to do, at least tell us first... Please?"

"Yeah... okay..."

~~~~~~~~~

Surprisingly, Spider finds himself alone for the first time in who knows how long, sitting comfortably up on a large branch while watching day turn into night over the entire island. He's met with the familiar silence he often found himself in back at home in the Hallelujah Mountains, but lately, he hadn't been familiar with the concept. It was likely that the last time he was by himself was when he found Quaritch at the bottom of the ocean and lifted him up to the surface. Ever since then, he was always in the company of someone else, either Kayla or the Sullys.

He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, if he was being honest with himself. He wasn't sure if it was because of his time spent with the Recoms, but it almost felt as though everyone in this village was keeping a close eye on him, even the Sullys, people he knew he used to trust with every fiber of his being... but now that trust has been questioned. 

He wasn't blind. He noticed how on edge Kayla always appeared when he and Neytiri were in the same room. 

He didn't want to believe he was a hostage, especially not with his childhood friends and companions... but it honestly didn't feel that different compared to when he was with the Deja Blue Squad. Spider didn't want to make a comparison, but much like the Sullys, Quaritch never let him out of his sight.

So, he took this breath of freedom to his full advantage, climbing from tree to tree, swinging from branch to branch until his arms and legs ached. He felt alive again, even laughing to himself. When he finally sat down to watch darkness slowly encompass the island and the bioluminescence come to life, he was able to finally breathe his own air, even if it was only through his mask. A moment of freedom, to be himself without walking on eggshells around everyone he was with. Then again, he knows it's not real freedom knowing that no matter where he went, he was stuck on this island with the Sullys, and maybe they knew that, too, which is why they're letting him believe he's alone, even if only for the night.

The paranoia was going to eat him alive, he was sure of it. The fact that he could no longer blindly trust the family he's always desperately wanted to be a part of was killing him. And now that they knew he spared Quaritch's life... he felt as though he could never let his guard down around them ever again. 

Apart from Kayla. Spider felt safe enough around her to believe she'd understand, and she did. She didn't fault him for his choice when he initially told her. Kayla was the only one who didn't truly understand the full extent of Spider's parentage, even though she had been told, but since she wasn't ever hurt by Quaritch the way everyone else who lived on Pandora before her was, she didn't have that pain that kept her from fully accepting Spider. 

Not that it was any excuse to neglect a child for the sins of their father. Spider knew that. He knew it was wrong, the way he had been treated, but up until recently, he couldn't fault anyone for it... or maybe he just never let himself believe he could on the off chance everyone would fully accept him one day. 

Hearing Kiri talk about how Kayla never gave up on him, how she searched for him relentlessly even when she had no reason to, made Spider feel both relieved and guilty. Relieved that there was at least someone out there who pitied him enough to know that he didn't deserve this and needed to be rescued, but guilty that she had to be the one to do so. She wasn't family to him. She had no ties to Spider and no reason to care for his safety and well-being, but she did, nevertheless. He wasn't sure how to feel about an adult who didn't have any familial relations to him all of a sudden give a damn about him, mainly because he didn't want it to be out of pity. 

Kayla clearly wasn't his mother. Spider had a picture of his mother taped to the ceiling above his bunk when he was living with his foster family for years. He knew his mother's face and he knew her name. Kayla wasn't Paz Socorro, back from the dead. 

... But he would be lying to himself if he didn't think about it. He had wondered a time or two if Paz were alive, would she be like Kayla? Worse? Better? He didn't know when he started comparing his mother to Kayla, but once he realized that he was, he was ashamed of himself and forced himself to stop. Spider didn't have a mother anymore. He wished he did, and that's why he knew he was allowing Kayla to look out for him a little too much.

In the eyes of the Na'vi, he could be considered an adult... but he wasn't Na'vi, as much as it pained him to admit it. He was human, and from what he's learned, kids his age barely had to worry about anything past schoolwork and who was going to take them to prom... whatever that was. He heard Kayla mention a prom once but wasn't fully listening. Whatever it was, it made Norm and Jake laugh, reminiscing their old human lives back on Earth for a little bit.

Kayla was a firm reminder that Spider was a human child and should be able to act as such. She's been trying to drill that into all their heads, adults and children alike. She wasn't exactly hiding it as she continued to berate how Jake parents his children and how he makes them grow up too quickly. Spider admired her for that... but almost despised it whenever she came to his defense because he knew he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to be treated or coddled like a kid... not after what he did.

He didn't deserve to be loved and cared for.

He sucked in a sharp breath, horrified by his own thoughts. Suddenly he was too scared to be left alone, and so he raced through the jungle and back to the direction of the village. 

It was late, so he thought if he snuck into Kayla's kelku, she would be asleep and he wouldn't have to try and explain himself. The thought of her catching him after he snuck out was both terrifying and... strangely domestic. He actually felt himself smile at the idea of Kayla berating and lecturing him for sneaking out and not coming back until the late hours of the night.

But that didn't happen. Instead, when Spider walked into the marui he'd been calling home for a little while now, Kayla was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. To ignore his conflicted emotions, he took the time to fish out his rations when his stomach rumbled in protest. He takes a deep breath as he switches his breathing mask out for the cannula nose tubes that are always stashed inside the exo-pack for emergencies, slowly breathing back out and in through his nose once he feels the familiar tickling feeling of oxygen run through his nostrils. 

He eats his dinner in silence, looking around the marui to find that Kayla's failed project of a "bookshelf" is still lying there, looking pathetic. His chewing slowed as he remembered how embarrassed and frustrated she looked when she wasn't able to make this pod feel "homey." He had been confused by her attempt to make this place feel more comfortable and home-like, and now, after everything Kiri told him, Spider wondered if Kayla was trying to do all this for him? For his sake?

It was suddenly hard to swallow his food and Spider relinquished the idea of eating, setting his rations aside and brushing his hands together. Something settles in his mind, determined and unrelenting. He forced himself not to overthink as he marched over to the sad excuse for a plank of wood and lifted it up, inspecting it. No, he wasn't known for putting together furniture that didn't come with instructions, but he wasn't thinking about it anyway. He was pretty sure the shelf was a lost cause and he could show Kayla how to properly decorate a Na'vi home tomorrow. But for now, he fetched his knife and began to carve out a small shape into the wood.

He had been crouched over his small project when Kayla had finally returned home, exhausted and after nearly spending all night worrying herself sick over the kid she placed in her care. She stopped in the entryway, however, when she recognized the small human painted in blue stripes, casually working on something in his hands whilst he rested on the heels of his feet, as if he had never left. Spider looked up at her entrance, and when Kayla peered down, she noticed his knife in one hand and a small, rounded bead in the other.

Sighing in relief, she stepped forward and knelt beside the teen, reaching out to gently hold the back of his head but stopped once she reminded herself not to do so. She pulled her hand back and Spider watched her carefully, trying not to appear cautious or worse, appear as though he wanted Kayla to reach out and comfort him.

"Spider..." She eyes him down with a careful inspection until she's satisfied that he's not physically hurt, "Are you okay?"

He nodded because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to lie properly if he spoke up.

Kayla relents after that, leaning back and breathing out another sigh. He goes back to work on his bead once he realizes she won't be asking any further questions. She watched him work instead, now curious once he successfully finished the bead and was now moving on to adding it to a familiar piece he kept on his loincloth.

"Is that your songcord?" She asked.

Spider nodded again, "Yeah."

"It's beautiful. What's the significance behind the new one?" She indicated to the new bead.

Spider paused, trying to figure out how to answer without actually giving it away. He briefly found himself glancing back over at the bookshelf he left in the corner of the room, the one Kayla had tried to make with her bare hands, the one she was trying to use to make Spider feel more at home, the one that now had a chuck missing because Spider wanted to commemorate it onto his songcord. Finally, he answered what he knew would be vague, but it was still the truth, 

"Safety." 

He bowed his head in shame, following up with a soft mutter under his voice, "I'm sorry."

With his songcord forgotten, she somehow knew he was talking about the events that transpired today and she immediately reassured him, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Spider."

"Yes, I do. I was such a jerk. Like you said-- you're only trying to help me. But I keep getting you in trouble with Jake--"

"Nope," she immediately shut that thought process down, anger blooming inside her, but not because of the teenager in front of her. She made sure her reassurance was heard loud and clear, firm and confident, "You're not. What Jake and I have going on has absolutely nothing to do with you, kid."

He carefully peered up at her, "... Family differences?"

She snorts dryly, "That's putting it lightly."

"Still. It's a little annoying that you won't accept an apology from me. You're a bit too understanding."

Kayla smirked, "Tough."

"I'm almost convinced I could get away with murder in front of you."

"I mean-- If it's necessary..." he's startled into laughing and Kayla smiles at the sight. She finally gains the courage to reach over and pat his knee, "I'm only human. To be human is to be flawed."

His laughter dies down, but the humor remains. He flashes a fox-like grin, his voice teasing, "Sucks for you humans, doesn't it?"

Kayla laughed through her nose as she feigned a stern, motherlike voice, "Okay, smartass, go to your room."

"This is my room!"

~~~~~~~~~

Kayla wasn't sure if Neytiri had been told that Spider saved Quaritch, but just in case, Kayla made sure that Spider was nowhere near the Na'vi woman and none the wiser so he could enjoy a good fishing lesson with the Sully kids and Tsireya.

Well, the Sully kids minus Lo'ak. Jake decided it would be a good idea for his son to join the adults in this discussion, much to Kayla's distaste. She wasn't sure if Jake was just being petty and rubbing it in her face, or if he genuinely believed that Lo'ak was grown up now and needed to be a part of this instead of being outside and hanging around other Na'vi his age. 

Nevertheless, as Kayla stands near Lo'ak in their family marui, Neytiri tries discussing what measures they'll need to take to send Spider home and Jake silently listens. Kayla made the smart choice to keep Spider away from the kelku today as Neytiri was nearly ready to go out on a tirade... hence why Kayla stood close to the door. Neytiri wanted to scream and curse when she initially discovered who was responsible for Quaritch's life, and then she proceeded to ramble about sending Spider back to the Forest, whether to leave him with the Omatikaya or have the Sky People deal with him.  Whichever option they choose, Neytiri follows up with the comment that Spider couldn't stay here anyway because he will run out of much-needed resources soon.

While Kayla knows that Neytiri is just trying to get rid of him, the Na'vi woman makes an excellent point. Spider needs human food, medicine, and of course other supplies such as spare masks, none of which are provided here and are limited to what she had stashed away in her own marui.

"What if they capture Spider again?" Jake tried to reason with his wife, though it wasn't for the same reason as Kayla, which angered his sister, "Now that he's been to this village, he'll know where to lead the Sky People for the next assault because they're not going to stop just because we took out the Recoms."

Kayla snarled, her arms tightening around her chest as she glared at Jake, "Spider didn't give away the Omatikaya and he's not going to give away the Metkayina."

"Of course, he would!" Neytiri hissed back, pointing an accusatory finger at Kayla before Jake could retaliate, "He's the reason my son was--"

"No, Mom. It was me," all eyes turned to Lo'ak and the poor boy looked as though he was holding back tears. His voice shook as he forced himself to continue, "I convinced Neteyam to stay and help me save Spider. If... If Neteyam didn't come with me, it would've been me instead. I had the gun. It should've been me."

Kayla carefully turned back to catch Jake and Neytiri's reaction, and she was not disappointed. Both of Lo'ak's parents appeared horrified, staring down at their son as if he said the most horrific thing imaginable. 

Lo'ak lowered his gaze, not wanting to read into what their expressions meant, whether his parents were horrified that he got his brother killed or if they were horrified that he would blame himself and wish the roles were reversed. Either way, he couldn't stand being in that room for a second longer, sheepishly tilting his head toward the exit as he peered up at Kayla, "Auntie... can I talk with you outside for a minute?"

She nods and doesn't spare a second glance at Jake and Neytiri as she follows her nephew out of the marui. She thought they were just going to step right outside the home, but didn't question it when Lo'ak decided to lead her further away.

Once they were walking along the beach, Kayla decided to be the first to address why he brought her here, "What's up, kiddo?"

"I... wanted to thank you for what you said to my dad yesterday. You stood up for me."

Kayla stopped in her tracks, dread prickling down her body, "You heard that?"

Lo'ak weakly chuckles, "You weren't exactly quiet. I didn't mean to snoop, I swear."

She paused to think about this before realization hit her, remembering how Spider stormed out the second she returned from her argument with Jake, "Was Spider listening, too?"

The Na'vi teen's ears lowered as shame crossed his features, nodding with hesitancy, "Spider... he was pissed at me."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't angry at him."

Even that statement shocked her, tilting her head down to him, "You're not?"

"No, I..." Lo'ak exhaled slowly, guilt wracking through his mind while forcing himself to speak, "I want to hate him... I want to be angry at him for letting that monster live."

"But you're not."

"No. I'm not."

"Why?"

"I don't know," when she appeared unimpressed by that answer, he simply shook his head, "I'm serious. I don't."

She watches her nephew for a moment, his mannerisms as he looks down at his feet to hide away from the world. Slowly, she opened her mouth, "I might know. Because you already lost one brother and you can't afford to lose another."

Lo'ak's head shoots up in her direction, yellow eyes wide with eyebrows scrunching together. Kayla watched as his face began to crumble and shatter before she took a step forward and gathered the boy in her arms, shushing him softly as Lo'ak's body was wracked with soft, silent sobs.

He held on tightly to her, his voice so quiet and small, "I want to wake up, Auntie. This all feels like a bad dream; something I can't wake from. It hurts all the time and it won't stop. It should've been me... I wanted it to be me..."

"Lo'ak-- hey... hey. No," she softly comforts, her heart breaking at the state of her nephew, scared of what he was saying about himself but trying to be supportive, "Don't say that. You don't mean it."

"But I do! I convinced him to come with me to save Spider! He would still be here if it weren't for me!"

"Do you regret it?"

His cries stutter for a moment, shocked by the question as he tilts his head up, "What?"

"Do you regret saving Spider?"

"N-No."

She pushes back the stray braids he kept on one side of his head, "Even though he saved the man who was behind your brother's death?"

"I don't get it. Why are you trying to make me angry?"

"I'm not, I swear," she shook her head as her eyes started to warm and blur, the sight of her nephew so broken and grieving was a harsh reminder of the other nephew she lost, "I'm just saying... if you don't regret it, then I'd say it was worth it, and I'm sure Neteyam would, too. The fact that you would rather trade places with Neteyam than regret saving Spider tells me you don't blame Spider for what happened."

Her words both shattered and mended his heart, his cries slowing down with silent tears still running down his face. He squeezed her waist before letting go, stepping back to wipe his eyes, his breathing still shaking as he nodded, "Spider's my brother, too."

Kayla smiled gently even as her own tears slipped down her cheeks undetected, "Do you think Neteyam felt the same?"

"I think so. I just... wish nothing happened the way it did. One of the last things I said to 'Teyam before everything went to shit was how determined I was to save Payakan because he's my brother. Neteyam probably hated me for that..."

"He didn't. I'm sure of it."

Lo'ak huffed quietly, taking one hand and clasping it over his opposite elbow, "You don't understand..."

"How come?"

"Because you've never lost a brother."

Kayla's eyes widen, feeling as though she had just been slapped in the face, "Lo'ak... has your father never told you anything about your Uncle Tom?"

"N... No?"

She had never, not once, ever felt the kind of rage that just rolled in her gut, rumbling like a cornered animal. Kayla would later pat herself on the back for how quickly she had managed to shift her face into a clean slate before Lo'ak even noticed the shift in her eyes. Instead, she keeps her voice leveled, "You should ask him. Because I can tell you right now... he and I know exactly how you feel."

Either Lo'ak didn't catch onto what she was saying, or he was wise not to venture further into that viper nest. While his sobs had vanished, one stray tear still managed to slip past his detection, "Brothers forever. We should have been brothers forever..."

"Lo'ak, look at me," he does so, barely blinking when she reaches down to wipe away the tear. She managed a smile, one that showed her age as she expressed what she's known for a very long time, "The word 'forever' is not meant for people. People can't live forever. 'You know what does live forever? Memories. Stories. Songs. Those last forever, just as long as there's someone who will remember them. You and Neteyam will always be brothers, forever, even when you're no longer around, as long as there are still people here who remember you. Okay?"

~~~~~~~~~

The communal meal that night was lively and honestly, it was something the Sullys needed. For the time being, they kept the newest sign of danger to themselves and Kayla hoped that it wouldn't eventually bite them in the back. She knew eventually she and Jake would have to tell Ronal and Tonowari about Quartich-- then again, she could just have Jake do it. She technically didn't need to get herself involved as her brother could speak for all of them, but somehow, she had become the spokesperson between her brother's family and the clan leaders of the Metkayina. Kayla didn't volunteer or even detested it, but one day it just happened and she's been playing along ever since. So now that the responsibility fell onto her, she had been thinking of when would be a good time to speak to Ronal and Tonowari. 

Now would definitely not suffice as Kayla spots the clan leaders across the way, toward the head of the line of Na'vi eating amongst each other. Ronal and Tonowari were speaking to an elder, all serious and respectful, until Tsireya and Ao'nung joined them. Both leaders spot their children at the same time before gently dismissing the elder and moving to converse with their son and daughter, likely to hear about how their day went. Kayla watched openly, knowing that neither of the clan leaders could see her from her spot. It was a bit cowardly to watch them when she knew she wouldn't be caught, but she allowed herself to be selfish in this moment.

That is, until Jake interrupted her. He hadn't noticed what his sister was distracted by as he moved to sit beside her with his plate of food in hand. Once he's crouched next to her, the spell is broken and Kayla is suddenly aware of his presence and pointedly only staring down at her meal laid out in front of her. 

Jake takes a moment to settle in before speaking at a low level, "Whatever you said to Lo'ak... thank you. He looked more lively than before."

She hummed, unimpressed, "Believe me, he would've looked better if it was you."

"Yeah, well... according to you, I don't say the right things."

"As a brother, sure," she shrugged, uncaring and a bit too brutal with her words. She didn't have the energy to put a filter on it, "But you can't afford to be like that when you're a father. Unless you're trying to be like our old man."

"... That was low."

Her ears pinned back against her skull, pausing the small wooden cup of water she held to her lips before taking a sip and lowering it back down, "Yeah, I guess it was. You... never told your kids about Tommy."

Jake winced, and suddenly he was aware of the storm beginning to brew as if electricity was radiating off his sister's skin. He could feel the charge and resisted the urge to move away, "... No, I haven't."

"Are you going to now?" Her question wasn't curious or sarcastic. It was surprisingly calm, but perhaps that's what made it all the more terrifying, "They might open up to you if they knew you lost a brother once, too."

Jake found himself opening his mouth despite knowing it was a bad idea. Grace always did call him a jarhead for this, among other things, "I thought you'd be angry that I never talk about him."

"Oh, believe me, I'm furious," she eyed him up with malice in her eyes, a fire that couldn't be doused by any ocean as her own voice dropped low into something quiet yet venomous, "No one gets to defile my big brother's memory like that. No one. How would you feel if Lo'ak decided to never mention Neteyam again? How do you think his sisters would feel?"

Jake watched her face with what could be described as guilt, "You're right..."

And there they were again. At a stalemate. For a moment, things looked as though everything would get better between siblings. Now, it was back to square one. Kayla thought she could move on from what she felt regarding her brother, but when she's always so close to forgiving him, something always reels her back. Kayla was sure he was tired of this as much as she was, but neither one has been able to find equal footing, no matter how hard they tried to mend what's been broken.

Instead of trying to mend it even further, Kayla spoke as if she was resigned to it, "I'm sorry it's come to this."

He didn't need to ask. He knew what she meant, and he nodded in agreement, "Me, too. I was out of line the other day."

"You were scared. It's hard to blame you..." She shrugged, "Quaritch is still out there. He's your demon as much as Ardmore is mine."

Jake processed that for a moment, staring off into space before letting out a long sigh through his nose, "Well, the good news is we have the element of surprise. Quaritch doesn't know about you."

He didn't miss the way her tail rose to alertness or the way her ears suddenly moved to attention. She even looked guilty, eyebrows scrunched together as she cringed, trying to hide her face behind her drink as she spoke,

"Jake... Quaritch knew who I was."

He was just as alert now, "What?"

"On the ship, when we were fighting, he found out who I was."

"How?"

She reached for her collar, gently grasping the chain around her neck before lifting it up into the air, letting her dog tags slip out from underneath her crop top. They glimmer faintly in the firelight as Jake reads her name from the tags loud and clear in his head. 

"You were wearing them?"

"Old habits die hard."

Jake couldn't argue with that. He knows he was just as guilty about old habits. His hand rose to rub his eyes when he felt the muscles in his brows twitch from stress, "... I guess we're all going to have to be careful then."

"That's an understatement."

~~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare. Another night of trying to convince himself he was safe. Spider doesn't like the fact that Kayla is always so willing to talk to him about it, even though he knows that she's just doing her best. He knows he'll eventually have to talk about it, but for now, he'll continue to wake from his nightmares and refuse to talk about them when Kayla asks about them at the moment. 

This particular night was bad, worse than the rest, and by morning, Spider was definitely short with his tone and his patience. He kept to himself, not willing to talk or indulge anyone by proxy. Kayla decided that further irritating him wouldn't be a good solution, so she offered to leave while he stayed in the marui, stewing with his ill temper.

Kiri must have tried to draw him out because a short while after trying to talk to Spider, she found her aunt in the shallow water of the reef and helped her with the net she was throwing out while she shared her concern, 

"He was tortured... wasn't he?"

Kayla glanced at Kiri out of the corner of her eye, wishing she could lie to her. The only reason she didn't was because Kiri already looked confident that she knew the answer. As young as she was, she had already been through so much-- she wasn't naive about the world, which hurt to admit.

Kayla returned to her task, taking a deep breath, "Yes, I'm pretty sure he was. But he hasn't said anything to me."

"Not to mention what my mom did to him..."

It honestly shocked Kayla that it took this long to have this conversation with Kiri. She had secretly dreaded this moment that would eventually have to happen with her niece, knowing that it would be hard to comfort her while also trying to explain her mother's actions as neutral as possible, despite her own opinion, "That woman who held a knife to Spider's throat... that wasn't your mother, sweetheart."

"You haven't spoken to her very much." Kiri simply states.

Kayla's lips drew a thin line, "No."

Not only that, but Kayla had been actively avoiding Neytiri, only tolerating the other woman's presence if she knew Spider would be forced into the same vicinity as her. Kayla knew it wasn't entirely Neytiri's fault and it wasn't fair to blame all of Spider's trauma on her, but it was easier.

Kiri accepted her aunt's short reply before quietly admitting out loud, "I was scared."

"Of your mom?"

"Yes, but mostly for Spider. For years, I tried to convince myself that my mom loved Spider in her own way, and I tried to convince Spider, too. But then she held a knife--" She winced, lightly hitting the palm of her hand against her forehead, "I feel so stupid--"

"You're not stupid, Kiri," Kayla quickly reached out to take her niece's hand, drawing it away from her face, "You're an optimist. That doesn't make you stupid. Listen. Your parents love you. They'll do anything for you."

"Yeah," the thought of all those dead bodies, the fire, the explosions, the sinking of the ship, and of course, the fear in Spider's eyes, "That's what scares me."

"It is a scary thought... but I understand how they feel. I mean-- I know I'd do anything for you kids now, as cheesy as it sounds."

"It's not cheesy," Kiri faintly smiles, "You're family, Auntie. We know you only want what's best for us."

"Yeah?" She huffs in amusement, "Someone should tell your father that."

"Would... Would you have done the same thing? If you were in my mother's place?"

Kayla peered up at the sky, a little thrown off by the question but wasn't at all surprised that Kiri was curious. She had never thought about it before if she was in her brother's position. If she was in Neytiri's position.

"I'm not sure I can imagine being in your mom's place, sweetheart. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a son. It's possible Neytiri wasn't entirely aware of her actions. Or she was. Who knows? I just know one thing. If it were me, Spider would've never been in harm's way to begin with, I promise you that."

Kiri tilts her head up and watches the sky with her aunt, not entirely at peace, but content, "I think I can live with that answer."

~~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare and Spider couldn't take it anymore. He needed to tell someone something, and if it wasn't about what he endured within Bridgehead, then it could at least be something useful. After all, while the Recoms were learning how to be a Na'vi from him, Spider had been learning a thing or two from the Sky People as well.

He searched and found Jake and Kayla on top of the large mangrove trees, attending to their ikran, not wanting their banshees to feel neglected and unloved while they lived their new lives on the water. Everyone with eyes can see that the older Sully siblings are at odd ends with each other, but that's nothing new to Spider and the family. It wasn't any different from when Kayla first arrived on Pandora, so... even though it wasn't anything new, it was a little concerning that she and Jake were still at odds with one another. Although, maybe they were trying to get past it as they tasked themselves with the ikran.

Kayla smiled to herself while running a single hand down Thena's snout before she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Looking up, her alertness melts into an open-minded smile once she realizes who it is, "Hey, Spider."

Jake looks up at Spider's name and nods in a short greeting before the boy steps closer, hesitant, "I... have to tell you guys something. I know why the Sky People are back. I know why they're here and I know what they're after."

Despite their disagreements, Jake and Kayla are still very much the first generation of Sullys on Pandora as they both turn to look at each other at the same time, then proceed to do the same as they look back at Spider.

"We already know they want to take this world as their own," Kayla replied.

Spider simply shook his head, "It's more than that."

Jake's eyebrows furrow, "They're not mining again?"

"No. Worse. They're hunting tulkun with a purpose. Not just to piss off the Na'vi. There's uh... a liquid substance found in the brain matter of tulkun called Amrita. Apparently, it completely stops human aging in its tracks."

"What?" Jake frowned. 

"It's worth millions of dollars. They told me that Amrita is what's paying for RDA's whole operation on Pandora. The military, the city, the labor force..."

Jake stares off at the distance, deep in thought with a grim expression on his face. Kayla doesn't appear phased by the news, unsurprised by the Sky People's motives. When Jake turns to her, she voices her resigned thoughts, "I told you. Earth was dying by the time I left. Things must have gotten even worse since then if they were getting this desperate."

Jake watches her carefully before nodding in agreement, "The olo'eyktan and the tsahik should know about this."

"I'll talk to them," Kayla volunteers before Jake could even move. She pulls away from her ikran and moves to the human boy, an arm out to guide him forward, "Spider."

The teen followed her lead without question, and Jake couldn't avoid the wary, cautious glances both his sister and the boy managed to glance back at him before they went back to the direction of the village. He's left alone to his thoughts and his attention-seeking ikran.

When they reach the chief's marui, Kayla insists on speaking her piece first, telling both Ronal and Tonowari about who Quaritch is and why he is dangerous being left alive, then she lets Spider talk as he explains why the Sky People were after the tulkun. Both clan leaders listen to both of them intently, and when Spider mentioned witnessing the death of a familiar tulkun and her calf, Ronal's hand instinctively rests on her pregnant belly, horror slowly dawning on her face.

"My Spirit Sister and her baby were murdered... for this?"

Spider's eyes widen, unaware that the tulkun he witnessed being butchered was actually the tsahik's Spirit Sister. Guilt rattles in his chest at the thought of Ronal's distress, unaware of Tonowari's large hand gently encompassing his small shoulder until the olo'eyktan spoke,

"You have done well to bring this to our attention, boy," Tonowari spoke gently, waiting until Spider peered up at him before he gracefully nodded once down at him, "Irayo."

Spider nodded back, unable to think of anything else to say other than an apology when he saw how broken the once stern tsahik looked, "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

He says this while looking up at Ronal, whose ears pin back as she tries to contain her composure. She almost couldn't stand the pitied look the tawtute boy graced her and she had to look away. With whatever Ronal didn't say, Kayla made up for by placing her hand on Spider's other shoulder, opposite of Tonowari's,

"You did what you could, Spider," she gently consoled.

"She is right," Tonowari adds, much to Spider's surprise and Kayla's gratification, "You would have endangered yourself if you had tried putting a stop to the murder of Ro'a. You are small and have no weapons."

Spider didn't take the chief's observation of his size to heart, still caught up on the name Tonowari called the murdered tulkun. Spider didn't know her name, and somehow that made him feel worse. 

Kayla saw the look on his face and thought he was hung up on the idea of not having any weapons, "Something that I promise we will fix. Soon."

Spider simply nodded, still distracted by the memory Ro'a and her calf while absently muttering, "I miss my bow."

"We'll make a new one," Kayla squeezed his shoulder, "A better one, okay? Why don't you head back home? I'll meet you there."

He looks up at her, then Tonowari, then Ronal. He must have seen something curious as he tilted his head ever so slightly to one side. Spider looked as though he wanted to ask a question, but instead, he just nodded in agreement and moved out of Kayla and Tonowari's space, walking out of the marui while only occasionally looking back over his shoulder.

Kayla watched him leave, a little wary that she was sending him alone through the village until she couldn't see him anymore before turning back to the clan leaders. She doesn't appear phased about the fact that Ronal and Tonowari were already expectedly looking at her as she rolled her lips, 

"The other reef villages should be told the reason behind the tulkun hunting."

Tonowari bows his head once in solidarity, "I will send word."

Kayla nods and makes a step out of the pod, but she froze with one foot still in. Hesitant, she turns back to the pair, not making eye contact as she opens her mouth, "I need to bring Spider home soon. Back to the forest. He's defenseless and he needs supplies in order to survive on the reef... should he be allowed to stay here."

When she hesitantly glanced up through her eyelashes, she was met with an untelling expression on both of their faces. Ronal is the first to answer, taking a deep breath, "... Do you vouch for the boy?"

"I do."

They exchange a look that Kayla is too exhausted to decipher before Tonowari speaks as he turns back in her direction, "He's a good child. Loyal and brave. If he wants to stay here, he will need to learn our ways."

She feels a tightness in her muscles that she didn't know was there begin to deflate and relax, her lungs expanding more than usual. Her faint smile grew more, gratitude evident in her eyes, "Copy that."

Ronal purses her lips to refrain from smiling back, "Let me know when you intend to leave. I will be sure to provide any provisions you need."

"Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~

A few days flew by with not much to call home about. There was still a live mine of an aura around Neytiri, so everyone purposely kept Spider away from her. Instead, the Sully children would go to Kayla's marui to visit with him or to take him away for lessons or explorations. Spider was delighted to learn he would be taught more about the Metkayina's way of life after Kayla explained Tonowari and Ronal's acceptance of him. He didn't want to get his hopes up, knowing it sounded too good to be true, but he didn't want to let the clan leaders down, let alone Kayla, so he didn't say anything and eagerly followed Tsireya and the Sully children to any lessons they were just as eager to teach him.

Kayla tried her best not to chaperone these lessons, knowing that being a helicopter... guardian wasn't what Spider needed. So, she'd see him off every day to wherever his friends had planned for him and leave them to it, at least comforted by the fact that the Sully children wouldn't let anything happen to Spider, and Tsireya and the other reef children were starting to feel the same way.

That afternoon, she found herself running her thumb over her songcord, sitting down to finally come up with the lyrics to tell her life story. She struggled and didn't get very far by the time Tuk pranced up to her kelku.

"Hey, Auntie? Max is on the radio. He's asking for you."

Kayla smiles and gets up, placing a hand on her youngest niece's head, "Thank you, sweetness. Is your dad around?"

"He's out fishing with mom and the olo'eyktan."

"Alright. The other kids are just down the beach. Go on ahead and I'll see you later."

Tuk runs off excitedly while Kayla makes for the Sully marui. She finds herself alone when she gets there and she crouches down in front of the long-distance radio, pressing it to her lips, "This is Desert Fox, you have the green light."

"Hey, Kayla, it's Max."

"Hey, Max. Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine except for, uh... except for one thing. You haven't broken your link in a while and your body's vitals are... well, I don't feel comfortable with how low they are.  You need to come back, and I don't mean just breaking the link and waking up. I need you to bring the avatar back so I can get a proper assessment of both bodies."

She taps her finger against the talking piece as she chooses her words before responding, "Did Norm put you up to this? Normally, he's the one to call."

"Right now, Norm is... pissed off, to say the least. He figured I would have a more level head when talking to you."

"I understand," she sighs heavily, a headache already forming at the idea of having to face Norm's wrath, "I need to bring Spider back anyway. Tell Norm we'll be there tomorrow at about 1600."

"Copy that. Over and out."

~~~~~~~~~

When Tuk had mentioned Max's call to her father, Jake couldn't afford to wait to hear from Kayla about it and went looking for her, concern at the front of his mind. He finds her in her marui and stands in the doorway with hesitance when he notices the bags full of necessities on the floor in front of him. Kayla looked up as she was neatly placing Spider's rations in an easily accessible pouch, to which Jake's ears fell,

"Are you... packing?"

She nods, "Max had called while you were out. He says I've been away too long. I'll take Thena and fly back in the morning."

"Oh... are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I gotta go back. I shouldn't have stayed away from my human form for this long, you know that. I'll take Spider with me." 

When Jake flinches and looks as though he wants to argue she immediately adds, "He needs to recuperate and Norm and the others need to see him. They've been so worried, Jake. You need to share the boy with the people who actually raised him."

"No, it's fine. I understand that part. It's just... with Quaritch out there... and now that he knows who you are... it doesn't feel right. He'll have every reason to take both you and Spider."

"I can take care of Spider and myself. I've handled worse than Quaritch, and he wouldn't harm Spider. I'll bring him back, but for the time being, he needs to go home and I need to stretch my human legs."

"So you will come back?"

There's a hesitance in his voice, a small hopeful tone that makes Kayla look away out of awkwardness, "Jake..."

"Right," he corrects himself with a nod, "Don't talk about it."

"No. Do talk about it. But not to me," she managed a small glare in his direction, "I'll come back and I better hear that you and Lo'ak talked."

"About what exactly?"

"Jesus Christ-- Anything, Jake," she snarls out of frustration, staring up at the ceiling as if begging Eywa to clean her brother's ears, "Everything. And make sure he knows that he's not just a replacement."

His eyebrows furrow as a growing need to defend himself begins to form, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean... when exactly did you first start to See Lo'ak? Before or after his brother's death?" Jake's eyes slowly widened as his sister's words bore a hole in his chest. Kayla makes sure her disapproval shows as she continues, "He might not think your parenting is genuine at the moment because you're probably just nurturing Neteyam through him."

"Shit. Okay. I'll talk to him... Are we good?" He motions a finger between the two of them.

"We're getting there," she answered simply, not in the mood to open up another can of worms before she had to leave. She didn't want to say how long it might take for her to finally see eye-to-eye with Jake, but she wanted to. Not enjoying the silence that lingered after her short reply, she took a steady breath in and out of her nose, gaining the courage to look up at him, "Do you... want me to tell everyone about Neteyam?"

His eyes widen a fraction more before he averts his gaze, the broken expression almost unbearable for his sister to see as he stares off at the wall beside him, "If... If you could. I understand if you don't want to."

"It's fine. Leave it to me."

~~~~~~~~~

Thena wasn't overjoyed by all the weight she would have to carry over the ocean, and she showed her distaste by gently nibbling Kayla's shin as her rider was strapping the bags of supplies onto her back.

"Ah," Kayla hissed as she moves her leg out of her ikran's reach, batting her softly with the end of her tail, "Frickin' drama queen. You're going home so quit complaining."

The banshee squawked in retaliation, shaking her neck before huffing loudly through her nostrils as Kayla would say-- dramatically. The ikran was resting on the beach of the village with a small crowd of Metkayina standing around to see Kayla and Spider off, their friends and family included. 

Jake was on the other side of Thena, pulling and testing out the saddle, harness, and straps to ensure a safe flight, "Remember to take more frequent stops on the way back. She's not used to carrying so much for such a long distance."

"You got it."

"Still got your compass?"

"Check," she expresses as she indicates to the mentioned object, resting against her leg at the end of her songcord.

"Alright. Fly safe. Have Norm radio us when you get there."

He makes a step toward Kayla, then stops, his hands hesitating at his side before he just decides on firmly nodding. It almost looked as though he was going in to hug her, but decided against it when her shoulders hunched up at the idea. The siblings awkwardly stare at one another before Kayla walks around him and mutters, "See you later."

"Yeah..."

She moves to join Spider where he stands in the sand, his arms folded in front of him as he cautiously watches the Sully children out of the corner of his eye. Kayla peers over at her nieces and nephew, and can see how downtrodden they look, watching both her and Spider. 

She offers them an encouraging smile before standing before the human teen. Kayla pinches the bottom of Spider's mask where his chin would be, making him look up at her as she gently whispered, "Hey. We'll be coming back sooner than later. I promise it won't be long. So chin up and go tell them that you'll see them soon. You don't have to say goodbye."

Slowly, he nods and walks away, toward Lo'ak, Tuk, and Kiri. Kayla watched as the siblings all surrounded Spider in a warm, tight hug before she heard the sand moving behind her. Turning around, she was met with Ronal and Tonowari approaching her, and she courteously greeted them by pressing her fingers to her forehead and lowering her hand down in their direction.

Tonowari mimics the motion to her as well with his free hand, his other one gripping his tall harpoon. The olo'eyktan kept a straight face, though Kayla was getting better at reading his eyes, those light blue orbs with specks of green. While he appeared to stand tall and proud over his people, his eyes told a different story, at least to Kayla. She could see a small hesitance in his gaze, trying to remain strong as he solemnly addressed her,

"Safe travels, Makayla te Suli tsmuke te Toruk Makto. Your home here will anxiously await your return."

Kayla bows her head respectfully, forcing down any color threatening to spread up her face. Her eyes dart to the woman standing next to him, catching Ronal's green orbs with specks of gold. The tsahik kept her face firm and blank, though her eyes briefly glanced Kayla up and down in a way that sent the avatar woman down a tunnel of yearning. Ronal's gaze alone was almost enough for Kayla to change her mind and decide to stay on the island for another week.

She quickly regained her words when her mind stuttered, her lips feeling dry as she spoke quietly, "Thank you, ma olo'eyktan. Ma tsahik."

It took a lot of willpower not to step back as Ronal boldly stepped into Kayla's space, grasping the avatar woman's hand in both of her larger ones. Kayla retained eye contact with the tsahik, trying not to crumble under the heat radiating off of the other woman's body, or at the very least, try not to visibly show how both of the clan leaders' presence affected her. 

Ronal didn't even blink at this violation of unspoken space between them, lowering her voice for only Kayla to hear, "Eywa ngahu."

Kayla did her best to swallow her nerves and smiled ever so slightly once the words translated into her head. Almost regretfully, she finally steps away from Ronal, gently pulling her hand out of hers and swiftly turning her back to walk toward her ikran. Even as she walked away, Kayla could feel two pairs of eyes on her, causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up, but in a more... exciting and promising way. Not like the discomfort she once felt when the clan leaders had first laid eyes on her.

Spider had already finished talking to the Sully children and patiently waited for Kayla beside Thena... but at a safe distance since the ikran was eyeing him a little funny. He wasn't entirely watching Kayla as she approached him, his eyes distractedly flicking between her and the clan leaders watching her depart. He doesn't say a word as Kayla encourages him to climb onto the banshee. He does so, while repeatedly looking back curiously at Ronal and Tonowari. Kayla followed him up onto her ikran's back as she reached her tswin out to form tsaheylu with her loyal steed. Kayla looks around the crowd one last time, from her brother and his family to the clan leaders who had accepted her into their village. She looked away and got comfortable on the saddle, making sure Spider was hanging onto Thena's neck from where he was situated in front of Kayla before ordering in her head for the ikran to take flight.

~~~~~~~~~

By the time the island of Awa'atlu disappeared behind them, Kayla and Spider silently prepared for their long journey ahead. They had to find rock cliffs all throughout the flight so that Thena could rest, more times than when Kayla first flew her out over the ocean, but neither avatar nor human complained, taking the breaks to stretch their legs before they would eventually have to hop onto Thena's back once more.

It was getting dark by the time they began to glide over vast trees and floating mountains, but the world of Pandora was just as bright at night as it was during the day, if not more beautiful, so Thena had no problems as she flew up higher into the Hallelujah Mountains, already knowing her way home.

Even though the mountain appeared inconspicuous, Kayla knew they were at the right spot. She heard a horn blow before she even noticed a single Na'vi, but once the horn had sounded, a chorus of yips and cheers gave away the High Camp's position. A cave was spotted along with torches beginning to light up to beckon her in the right direction, so Kayla grasped Spider's shoulder and instructed Thena toward the cave where she had begun to make out shapes of Na'vi waving her in. 

Thena quickly lands the moment the landing zone is cleared, too tired to continue carrying all that weight for a second longer. Spider got off first before Kayla followed suit, breaking the tsaheylu and immediately tending to her ikran, running her hands up and down the beast's neck as thanks while supplying the banshee with plenty of raw meat. The floor of the cave felt cold and familiar beneath Kayla's feet as she looked around at yet another familiar growing crowd as they swarmed around her and Spider. The Omatikaya are all chatting around one another as they stare the two newcomers down, but they appear more relaxed and even happier to see them than ever before.

In the back of the crowd, Kayla caught an accent that wasn't Na'vi, "Look! It's Spider!"

And like dominos, other voices reacted as they drew closer, gently pushing the Na'vi out of the way to get to the human teenager who now perked up at the sound of familiar voices,

"Spider!"

"You're okay!"

"Good to see you, kid!"

"We're so glad you're safe!"

The allied humans, scientists, military, and everyone in between, with smiling faces covered in breathing masks, surround Spider to inspect him and hug him. He faintly smiles at all the familiar faces, adults he had known his whole life, greeting him like he was visiting for the holidays, marveling at how much he's changed.

One of the humans broke away from the group when she spotted the familiar avatar woman beside Spider, a young woman with dark, curly hair as she waved up to the avatar in question, "Kayla!"

"Hey, Jocelyn," Kayla's smile widened into a genuine joy to see her friend, "How's everything?"

"Doing well. It's so good to see you!"

"Makayla Sully!"

"Shit," Kayla mutters when she hears that familiar voice behind her, sounding pissed off. She sheepishly spins around and smiles as if she had just been caught stealing from the cookie jar, "Hi, Norm."

"'Hi, Norm.'" The man in question scoffs mockingly in his avatar form. For someone so lanky and overall nice, Norm Spellman can come off as terrifying when he's pissed, yellow eyes narrowing onto Kayla, "'Hi, Norm?' What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Listen, Norm, before you chew me out..." Kayla cuts off the tirade he no doubt had for her, hand out to stop him while looking around, "There's something I need to do first."

Norm nearly opened his mouth to protest, but then he looked down at Spider and noticed a grave expression on the teenager's face. Spider's gaze meets Norm and shakes his head, all the while Kayla continues looking around the crowd until she finally spots who she is looking for.

Amidst the chaos of everyone greeting Kayla and Spider, she hadn't seen Mo'at approaching until now, and whatever expression Kayla had on her face made the older Na'vi woman very cautious upon walking up to Kayla.

"Ma tsahik," Kayla bowed her hand to her respectfully, despite the grave expression on her face. It felt wrong to call her that. It felt like she was disrespecting Ronal somehow by calling Mo'at that, despite everything the Omatikaya woman had done for her.

"What has happened, Makaylasully?" Mo'at doesn't bother greeting, not once she saw something terrible flash in Kayla's eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Mo'at... I wish I wasn't the one to tell you this."

~~~~~~~~~

Mo'at's cries of anguish could be heard all throughout camp, shaking the very foundation of their stronghold, and once word spread throughout the clan, more cries rang out, mourning over the loss of who was once their future olo'eyktan, who was still a child, echoing off the cave walls. 

The Omatikaya had all flown off to the Tree of Souls to mourn Neteyam, while Norm and the other humans attended to Spider and Kayla.

Along with the heaviness in her heart, Kayla felt almost ill when she opened her eyes and was met with the soft-glowing ceiling of her link gurney for the first time in-- god, how long did she stay in her avatar form? Weeks? Months? It's all beginning to bleed together for her now. She waited until the gurney's lid hissed and opened before she removed the censor cage keeping her body in place, taking her time sitting up. 

Which she immediately regrets as her arms threaten to give out when they push her torso up into a sitting position, cold and shaking. She wasn't able to restrain the weak groan she let out as her eyes strained and a headache formed right away, her vision dotted and dizzy. When looking down at her feet dangling off the side of the link bay, the woozy feeling in her stomach makes itself known, and suddenly her mouth begins to fill with saliva.

'Shit!'

Kayla leans further over the side of the gurney and vomits all over the floor around her, continuously gagging until her stomach contents are emptied. She spits and gasps for air, now suddenly aware that someone is standing beside her, holding her hair out of her face-- when did her hair get so long?

"Dumbass," Norm mutters, now human and now keeping Kayla's hair up as she continues to dry heave. He's still pissed at her, but it's somehow lessened from both the news of Neteyam and the state Kayla was currently in. 

She had to agree with him when she felt her body begin to shake and a thin sheet of cold sweat started to form on her skin. Eventually, she's unable to vomit anything else out and just gasps for air, tears running down her face from how forceful that episode took over her body. 

It takes a few minutes, but once she's calm, Norm helps her stand on her own two feet. He hands her an oversized zip-up hoodie, and when she questionably looks at it, he explains, "You're a mess, Kayla. If you don't want to freak Spider out, you need to wear that."

Once she catches her reflection on a nearby surface, she finally understands why. She's horrified by what she sees.

For one, she wasn't ready to see a human female with pale skin, a pointed nose, and light eyes staring back at her, nor the lighter shade of hair compared to the dark, braided locks she had on her blue-skinned avatar. Her human hair was greasy, knotted, and had grown down her back, unlike the kept hair she used to have cut to her shoulders when she first arrived on Pandora. What was more terrifying with how much weight she had lost. Her pants were loose around her waist and her muscle shirt was now baggy, her arms definitely less toned than she remembered. While she had always been pale, she now looked too pale, almost sickly.

By the time she was able to process her appearance, Norm had cleaned up the mess. When he was done throwing away the soiled rags and washing his hands, Kayla finally snapped out of it and zipped the baggy hoodie up over her form, quickly brushing her hair out with her fingers and pinning it up in a tight ponytail. Once she's straightened herself out and is fine with walking on her weakened legs, Norm gives her a disappointed look but says nothing, leading her out of the lab and down the hallway. He stands off to the side of the small medical room the human rebels made as the doors slide open, letting Kayla in first before himself.

Spider and Max look up from whatever conversation is interrupted by Norm and Kayla's entrance. Spider was sitting up on the slab meant for "patients" while Max was asking him concerned questions, questions that Spider wasn't all too happy talking about and was remaining closed off for the time being. He was thankful he didn't have to wear a breathing mask at least.

"Hey, Max," Kayla croaked before quickly clearing her throat and smiling to mask the hoarse tone in her voice.

"Good to see you, Kayla," Max smiled warmly, though she didn't miss the way his eyes shined with concern behind his glasses. Her vitals must not be the only thing he's worried about now.

Kayla quickly looks away and expertly ignores the tension in the room as she approaches Spider, "Hey. How 'you doing?"

"Alright." He responded robotically, eyes squinting at her human form once more and a little cautious about what he saw. 

She remembers that he always preferred her avatar over her human form and huffs with amusement, shrugging in her baggy hoodie which made her look so small, "Yeah, I know. I look weird."

"You're not the weirdest-looking human I've met."

She snorts, "Charming."

"But you look different from usual," Spider's eyes scanned her face knowingly, "You look sick."

Guilt rumbles in her gut, realizing she couldn't exactly hide anything from Spider, the ever-observant kid. She feigns a smile of reassurance, "I just need a bit of sun. It's exhaustion from being stuck in that can for too long."

Norm scowled as he moved to join the group forming around Spider's spot on the cold slab. He wasn't impressed with Kayla trying to lie to the kid and playing off the fact that she was vomiting all her internal organs out mere moments ago, "That 'can' is the exact reason why you look miserable Kayla. That weeks-long stretch of neuro-link that you just pulled was stupid and unhealthy. You should've come back the second after you guys defeated the Sky People. I should've pulled your plug the second I realized you hadn't come back in weeks. You shouldn't be separate from your body for that long or you'll start to deteriorate in that gurney," he reaches out and shoves his pointer finger into her forehead to make sure she got the picture, "This body needs to eat, drink, and move just as much as your avatar or you'll eventually wither."

"Okay. I'm sorry," she bats his finger out of her face, sighing in defeat, "I promise I won't stay away that long again."

"Yeah, and just to make up for your stupidity, I recommend staying here for three weeks."

"What?" Spider exhales, eyes widening in distraught.

Kayla's eyebrows shoot up, "Three weeks?"

"Until the both of you are properly evaluated, rested, and healthy again, you're not going anywhere," Norm sternly ordered, glaring between the woman and teenager. Kayla seems to understand that this is the consequence of her actions and nods in hesitant agreement, while Spider, on the other hand, appears a little defiant. 

"But... I want to go back." Spider found himself saying, even shocking himself when he did so.

All eyes turn to him and Kayla is the first to open her mouth, eyes shining with sympathy, "Spider--"

"Hold on, you wanna go back to the reef?" Norm speaks up, his grim expression replaced with a surprised reaction as he stares owlishly at the boy, "Why would you? Jake and his family will come back in time, won't they?"

He turns his attention to Kayla, who shrugs, "As far as I know, they plan on staying in Awa'atlu."

"Do you?" He asked.

"Yes."

"But... Spider--" Norm cracks his neck from the number of times he's looked between Kayla and the teen in question, "You'll be the only human."

Kayla frowns at the implication that Spider would be alone, "I'll keep him safe."

"It's not about that, Kayla," Norm shook his head, "I trust you. We all trust you. It's just... the islands are hundreds of miles away and he's human. The seawater is low on the pH scale and can be acidic if a human is exposed for too long. He can get chemical burns."

Doubt clouds her eyes as she stops to think about this, realizing that she has never thought about it before. She cautiously peers over at the other scientist in the room, "... Max, is this true?"

Max was watching the interaction silently up until this point, and while he shared the same concerns as Norm, he was more optimistic in his explanation, "Only if the pH scale is super low and only if Spider doesn't immediately take precautions after getting out of the water. The Metkayina's tsahik likely has something to treat him with. It's also very likely that the kid is immune to most potentially dangerous Pandoran elements after the amount of exposure over the years. He's got tougher skin than even you do. He might be fine."

"He's still not immune to Pandoran air," Norm counteracts while sternly looking between the other two adults in the room, "He needs his oxygen mask on at all times and has to have several spares on hand should something happen, you know that. He can't eat Pandoran food, and he doesn't have a kuru. He's unable to connect to the land, water, and animals unless he's with a Na'vi at all times."

"And he will be," Kayla confidently replies.

"Does he want that?"

Kayla's eyes narrow back at Spellman, "Ask him yourself."

All eyes return to Spider, and while he doesn't like it when people talk about him as if he's not in the room, he hates when all the attention is turned onto him even more. He lowered his eyes to watch his lap as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world, all the while admitting under his breath, "I want to go back. Kiri, Lo'ak, and Tuk need me. And I need them. Kayla wants to go back, too. She wants to stay with her brother's family."

A thought crosses his mind and his lips turn up into a smirk. He raises his head and knowingly grins at the woman in question as he jokes, "It doesn't hurt that the olo'eyktan and the tsahik show an interest in her." 

The room deafens with silence, Kayla's jaw nearly falling to the floor in shock by Spider's boldness. Both Norm and Max glance between the two and each other, interest and surprise forming on both of their faces.

Max voices his interest with a faint, equally teasing smile as he glances over at the only woman in the room, "Oh, really?"

Kayla was trying to figure out when and where Spider made such an assumption, her eyes never leaving his until she realized he did this on purpose to get the attention off of him. Finally finding her words, she screwed up her face and playfully snarled at the teen, "Boy, shut up. That's not true."

"No?" Spider's grin only widens, "So gifting beads and shells for your songcord isn't a form of interest? Or taking you out on a date?"

"It wasn't a date. And I never said Ronal gave me that seashell."

The smugness practically radiated off of Spider as he raised a single, knowing eyebrow, "I never implied Ronal was the one who gave you the seashell."

Realizing she had been caught, she felt heat spreading over her face as she frowned, "Has anyone ever told you you're too smart for your own good?"

Spider laughed as Norm's eyes widened further, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find the right words to describe where his head was at. Instead, he shakes his finger at Kayla before looking back at the teen in front of him, "Okay, we're gonna put a lid on that conversation for just a minute. Spider, you're welcome to choose where you stay, but don't choose on anyone else's behalf but your own."

The amusement falls from Spider's face, looking away to avoid Norm and Max. He was glad he got a choice, but the fact that Norm appeared so hesitant made the teen feel a little angry and betrayed, remembering all the times he didn't have a choice and when he was captured, "Kayla kept looking for me. She actually tried. Where were you?"

Norm's face falls, "We did try, Spider. We really did."

"But we're just a small group of scientists," Max adds, his voice quiet and soothing.

At first, Kayla could tell that Spider didn't look all that convinced, so she came to her friends' aid, "It's true, kiddo. They tried to help me find you. Norm went out searching with me whenever he could after I earned Thena."

Only when he got Kayla's reassurance did Spider relent the anger and betrayal he felt, glancing between the two men he'd known all his life, "Okay, fine. But I know I'll be safe as long as Kayla is there. She's always had my back."

When he spared a glance over in her direction, Kayla looked surprised and touched, a smile threatening to take over her face as her eyes sparkled at him. Spider looked away, but internally he felt himself smile as well. 

~~~~~~~~~

A couple of days go by and Max and Jocelyn are tag-teaming to run as many tests as humanly possible to make sure Kayla, her avatar, and Spider are healthy and able to make the long journey back out over the ocean. 

Kayla got the diagnosis that she expected. Her human form was weak from the little use of movement, eating, and drinking. Norm was never going to let her live this down as he continued to berate her throughout the duration of her stay. She was given strict instructions to follow a proper diet and exercise, practically forbidden near a link bay until she regained a healthy weight. 

Spider, all things considered, is a picture of health. That is... until he mentioned the vivid nightmares he had been having during one of Max's assessments of him. When asked if he wanted Kayla in on this conversation, the teenager caved and accepted, realizing he would rather tell the woman who had his back than the scientists surrounding him. Kayla was summoned and Spider finally talked about the torture he went through at Bridgehead, mentioning the machine they forced him into called a NeuroSect scanner. He described what the scanner did to him, how it spun quickly around his head with blinding lights, making him dizzy and scared. It felt as though it was probing his mind, collecting brain data while Ardmore questioned him about Jake's location. He described how his head throbbed to the point his nose began to bleed, then Quaritch turned the machine off and Spider blacked out for a split second, his eyes having rolled to the back of his head.

Kayla kept her expression neutral, but on the inside, she felt as though she could scream at the top of her lungs, wanting nothing more than to stomp back into Bridgehead and throttle Ardmore until the bitch's own eyes rolled back and her nose bled. See how she liked it.  

But instead of giving in to her anger, Kayla gently thanked Spider for trusting her to know this, and he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes as he sheepishly asked, "Just... don't ever tell Kiri, okay?"

After the vivid description of Spider's torture, Max confirmed that the nightmares were probably a lasting symptom of what his brain went through. Once Max had Spider confirm that he wasn't suffering from any more nosebleeds or migraines, Max was relieved as he stated that he should be fine. When Spider asked about the nightmares, Max assured him that with time, they'd go away, and that visibly got Spider to relax.

~~~~~~~~~

The conversation that Kayla was dreading had finally come up one night when Norm had her accompany him over to the edge of High Camp, overlooking the vast drop below them, accentuated by large waterfalls. With both of them wearing breathing masks and carrying lab equipment, Norm instructed her on how to take a sample off of a plant near the edge of the cliff, watching proudly as Kayla didn't even bat an eye as she crouched over the cliff, hovering over the plant in question. He remembered her first day at High Camp and how she was nervous to even be near the edge, knowing there was nothing below to catch her. 

As they worked, Norm nonchalantly asked, "So. Tonowari and Ronal have been giving you gifts, huh?"

Kayla groaned, lowering and shaking her head in defiance, "Spider is exaggerating. They brought me to the Spirit Tree so I could visit Neteyam and gave me a shell to add to my songcord."

"Kayla. That's no ordinary gift," Norm scoffed, amused at how naive she sounded, "Na'vi are gifted songcord beads or items when they succeed their Iknimaya or if another Na'vi was trying to court them, otherwise, they collect those items themselves or their parents do before they're old enough."

She stayed silent for a moment, continuing with her task of taking samples of the alien plant. She didn't dare look up to meet her friend's gaze as she finally spoke, "I'm trying not to think about it."

"Why? 'Cause it's too good to be true?"

"No, because I'm not-- I... I'm not..."

"If you're about to say 'not worthy', I'm going to dropkick you off this cliff." Norm threatened with a frown, arms crossed in front of him as he faintly glared down at her.

Kayla finally looked up then, a small smile visible on her lips as she tried not to laugh, "Threatening people is my love language, stay off my territory," she offhandedly commented before she looked out over the vast view of the forest below the floating mountains, her mind as far away as the ocean she couldn't even see but knows it's there, waiting for her, "Even if Ronal and Tonowari were interested, it's a bad idea. What would their people think of their leaders if they shacked up to someone like me? And it's not just their people. What about their kids? Ao'nung and Tsireya are around the same age as Kiri and Lo'ak, not to mention they have a baby sibling on the way. Norm, look at me, do I look like I know anything about children?"

He squints at her as if she grew a second head, "Is that a trick question?"

"Infants," she further reiterates, standing up to semi-meet his height, "Do I look like I know anything about infants? I was the baby of my own family. Even after my parents died, Tommy and Jake raised me. I have never learned how to be a caregiver."

"That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

She scoffed at how quick he was to reply, rolling her eyes, "Oh, and you hear a lot of dumb stuff in your profession?"

"Kayla, I was working alongside your brother years before you ever showed up. Your brother was the dumbest thing in the world next to the large group of scientists he surrounded himself with. Up until now, I thought he was gonna die still claiming that title."

She deadpanned at his teasing expression, "You really know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?"

"At least Jake wasn't afraid of getting with a Na'vi. What's stopping you from one-upping him and getting with two?" She snorts at the joke, looking away again as he continues, "And so what if they have kids? You're clearly great with children-- don't deny it," she clamps her mouth shut nearly a second after she opens it. 

Norm carried on, "It's not like every first-time parent goes in knowing exactly what they're doing. Who knows. You might have your own kid at this rate."

She squinted her eyes with suspicion as she slowly turned her head back in his direction, "If you're talking about Spider--"

"I'm not this time. I mean, obviously, Spider looks up to you as his guardian, but I was talking about you having your own rugrat with Tonowari and Ronal if you so wish."

Kayla's eyes briefly widen behind the glass of her mask before the shock quickly disappears. Norm felt his whole body grow cold when his friend reacted negatively to the statement, her eyes hardening to something grim and impassive as she crossed her arms and looked back out over the wide open sky,

"It's not possible."

Norm's concern was heard in his voice when she didn't look back at him, "Why not?"

"Because Ardmore made sure that was never a problem," Kayla robotically answered, having memorized what she had been told back at Bridgehead until it was engraved into her mind, "My avatar form was sterilized when they created her in a lab. Ardmore had always been thorough and checked off everything on her potential threat list and she made sure that this was one less thing to worry about."

She didn't see the way Norm's face dropped, eyes widening in horror as the news sunk in. He looked as though he had just been punched in the gut, watching Kayla as she already looked so... defeated, as she had already taken the time to accept this fact about herself. Norm was starting to wonder if she was ever going to tell anyone about this or if she was going to take it to her grave. Either way, he didn't want to squander the trust she had in him if he was truly the first one to know about her secret. He wanted to feel honored that she told him at all, but it didn't exactly feel like a secret worth being proud of.

"Oh. Oh, Kayla--"

"Don't," she sternly replied as she turned back to him with fire in her eyes, "Don't you dare pity me. I knew about it this whole time and I didn't care, so don't pity me when this was a choice that I made."

"Did you though? Did you make that choice or did Ardmore make it for you?" He was almost afraid to ask, but he had to know. 

"... At the time I didn't care. Kids weren't a priority for me. I came to Pandora to help Ardmore with her little experiment and in return, I could find Jake's remains to bring them back to Earth. That was it. I didn't want kids."

He caught onto her words and stated bluntly, "You keep using the past tense."

Kayla's eyes lower beneath her mask, "... I don't need a child."

"But you want one?"

"I already have one," she finally declares, now a small smile on her face when she comes to terms with it herself, "I have Spider. I have Lo'ak and the girls."

"... You can have Ao'nung and Tsireya, too. And someday, maybe even Ronal's baby."

She appeared to ponder this for a moment before sighing, "Nevertheless... I have more than enough. I have more family now than I thought I'd ever have back on Earth."

~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks went by a lot faster than both Kayla and Spider could anticipate, and once Max gave Kayla the all-clear to link back to her avatar, both she and the teen she was in charge of were starting to get excited to return to Awa'atlu. 

While she had been spending so much time on being healthy and gaining weight, Kayla felt as though she completely neglected some people around High Camp. Apart from Jocelyn, Kayla never got to catch up with Txe'la and Meui and how the three of them have been. Once back in her avatar, she didn't want to miss any more chances and took the two Na'vi men back out hunting like the good old days, and even managed to convince Tarsem to go with them when he was free from olo'eyktan duties. 

While hunting, the Omatikaya men were catching Kayla up to speed on recent events. Apparently, there's a resistance camp full of humans who had come to Pandora in the second wave of the Sky People invasion. There was an avatar and even Na'vi living among them, one of whom came to visit the Omatikaya. Tarsem spoke of a Na'vi who was originally born from the Sarentu clan, a clan known for their stories and democracy but had since been wiped out by the Sky People. However, a small handful of Sarentu survived and grew up, now fighting to protect Pandora from the same people who murdered their families. 

The Sarentu Tarsem spoke of sounded brave and determined to protect their home, jumping from clan to clan to ensure their alliance. The Sarentu's words moved Tarsem when he spoke to them, explaining to Kayla the importance of seeing a clan believed to be extinct suddenly return to bring the clans together. Kayla was amazed by the story, faintly thinking in the back of her mind how she would have to tell Jake about this.

Another individual Kayla felt as though she was neglecting was Mo'at. After everything the Omatikaya tsahik has done for her, Kayla wished she could somehow return the favor. She had started by mourning Neteyam with the older woman, knowing that the grief was fresh in Mo'at's mind and she shouldn't be left alone with it. Kayla did her best to tell Mo'at how everyone was back across the ocean and how they were thriving among the Metkayina. Once Mo'at was told how Neytiri was struggling, she stomped down her grief and got to work, half listening to Kayla's stories as she worked on her project.

Spider was waiting outside the lab for Kayla when she returned from visiting with the tsahik, the teen casually lying across one of its support beams as she approached, swinging one leg off the edge of it. He kept his face blank while staring down at the avatar form he was far more familiar with than the human one, 

"How's Mo'at?"

"A little better," Kayla sighed heavily, "Though she's been working tirelessly on a shawl for Neytiri so that I could bring it back to the island with me." 

"A mourning shawl?"

"Not exactly. She knows Neytiri already has one but she wanted something specifically for her daughter... a gift from one grieving mother to another." Kayla didn't miss the way Spider ducked his head at her words, avoiding eye contact, "What's wrong?"

Spider slowly sat up, watching his legs swing down over the side of the support beam as he hesitantly muttered, "I... I know I shouldn't... but I miss Neteyam."

Her heart squeezed painfully at those words, sad to see this child so conflicted over the loss of someone so young, "Why shouldn't you miss him?"

"Because I don't deserve it, especially after I let the one responsible for his death get away."

"Spider, we've been over this--"

"I know. But-- still."

She sighed, looking around before deciding to pull herself up onto the beam and sitting down beside the teen, looking up at the cave's ceiling, "You know... for at least the first week without 'Teyam... I felt the same way."

Spider turned his head to look up at her, "Really? Why?"

"Because I wasn't his parent... or his sibling... I was the estranged aunt who only entered his life a year prior. I wasn't extremely close to him as maybe you and Lo'ak were... so I felt as though I didn't have the right to miss him."

Pain passes through Spider's face as he lowers his head again, "... Neteyam and I weren't close."

"No?"

"I mean... when we were younger, sure, but we haven't been for a while. That's why I didn't feel as though I had the right to mourn him."

"Can I... ask why?" She questioned carefully.

"I want to say it was because he was starting to learn all the responsibilities of olo'eyktan, but I know I would be kidding myself. I think he started to distance himself because he wanted his parents to be proud of him."

Kayla caught the hidden meaning immediately, forcing down a wave of rage, "His mother, you mean."

"... Yes."

"I'm sorry, kiddo," she spoke softly, her hand rising to move a dread out of his face, but immediately placed her hand back down before she gave into that impulse, "If it's any consolation... I know he still cared about you."

She didn't miss the way his chin quivered underneath his mask, his eyes stubbornly staring dead ahead as his vision blurred, "It's not."

"I know."

~~~~~~~~~

Rations, masks, mouthwash...

Kayla was going over the list Max gave her several times over, making sure she had all of these essentials for Spider packed and strapped to Thena's back. There were human drinks, food, medicine, and so much more that even she guiltily forgot about. She was ashamed to think she was ready to let Spider stay in Awa'atlu when the kid actually needed a lot more than the bare essentials she managed to scrounge up for him.

Double-checking her harness and straps, Kayla gently places a hand over Thena's nose before stepping away, joining the crowd that wishes to see her and Spider off. Spider stood beside Max as Mo'at was handing him down some healing properties.

"Koaktutra," the tsahik placed a small wooden cup covered in a matching lid in Spider's hands.

Max noticed Kayla's confusion so he elaborates, "Goblin Thistle. Antibiotic balm."

Mo'at nodded to Max's explanation then handed another small mixture to Spider, "Pxorna'."

"Episoth," Max explained, "It's got amazing skin rejuvenation properties, and I think it'll help Spider when he goes into the water."

He takes the mixture from Spider and holds it up to the teenager's face, "As long as you remember to slather yourself in this stuff every night after a long day of swimming, it should help prevent skin cancer and chemical burns. These salves have proven to be safe for human use, I promise. If I happen to visit the island again and I don't see any changes to your skin, then maybe we'll be able to cut the episoth back to once a week and eventually even less so if your skin grows immunity to the pH levels. Until then, every night, bud. 'You got it?"

Spider huffs and rolls his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I got it."

"Good. And just in case--" Max then holds up a remedy of his own, a small plastic yellow tube that makes Kayla snort with amusement at the sight of it. Sunscreen. 

Spider's upper lip twitched at the sight of the tube and half glared at Max, "Seriously?"

"Humor me."

"Fine."

Kayla laughs at their antics and takes the remedies from them, bringing the supplies over to Thena and safely packing them away in their bags. Mo'at takes a moment to place a gentle, withered hand on top of Spider's head and they both exchange a warm smile.

Norm, in his avatar, approached Kayla to help her out and hugged her when they were all set, "I am going to give you a week before I start calling and nagging at you to break your link again, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kayla huffed as she pulled away, unaware of the knowing smile Norm bore as he looked between her and Spider, clearly thinking how similar they already were in words and mannerisms.

"And-- tell Jake everything's okay here. Tell him not to worry."

Kayla smiled then and nods, "Of course. I'll see you in a week."

She moves to say goodbye to Mo'at, the two women gripping each other's arms in departure as they silently speak to one another. Kayla then fistbumps Max and waves to everyone else before gently knocking her knuckle against the glass of Spider's mask, 

"You ready?"

"Yeah." Spider grins.

"Alright. Then let's go home."

A/N: I… don't think I have anything to say. I mean, it's a lot all in one chapter so I'm sure there's plenty to say but I can't think of anything ;) stay tuned for more soon!

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | January 29th-February 4th 2024

Ao3 history still fucked :/

Repeating again: if I've ever reblogged one of your WIP fics, consider this my permission to tag me in them!!

Complete

🔥 Say You Were Made to Be Mine by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress (Canon Divergent - Different First Meeting, Soulmarks AU | 11K | Teen): It's Valentine's Day 2018, and Eddie saves a man from choking to death in the middle of a restaurant. It's only after the man is rushed away by paramedics that Eddie realizes his hands are green. The man he saved is his soulmate. And he doesn't even know his name let alone how to find him.

For hope I'd give my everything by dragon_rider/ @evanbdiaz (Post S1, CW: Eating Disorders | 8K | Mature): After the disaster of his first date with Abby, Buck’s relationship with food changes rather dramatically.

where would you rather die by tempestaurora/ @tempestaurora (Pacific Rim AU | 4K | Teen): “Care to explain why you’ve brought a child to a military base?” Bobby asked when they returned. The base was alight with celebration; the day had been saved, the world was safe for a little longer. “Uh.” Buck glanced back at Christopher, currently talking to Karen Wilson from the research division. “He was an unaccompanied minor?” “So we leave him with the social workers, with first responders,” Bobby said, a pointedly raised eyebrow in his direction. “His dad’s a cadet at the PPDC,” Buck replied. “And his grandmother probably died in the attack, so it just felt… I don’t know, morally right?”

i've been dying to catch you dizzy by diazbegins/ @evanbegins (Esablished Buddie, Fluff | 2K | Teen): Eddie and Buck go ice-skating. Oh, and Chris is there too!

🔥 The Aftermath of Liberation and Love Confessions by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress (Post-S5E9, Getting Together | 17K | Teen): Still, Buck says, “Yeah, Eddie. Why don’t you teach us. What would you say if you were professing your love?” You mean something besides, “In the event of my untimely death, I made you legal guardian of my child”? ~ In which Eddie comes out, sexuality is complicated but coffee is not, Buck makes an excessive salad and is also roasted, everyone has a love confession, and December is the most dramatic time of year.

let the choir bells sing by foxwatson/ @eddiediazes (Madney Wedding, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): All at once, Eddie has an idea. It’s definitely the stupidest idea he’s ever had in his entire life, but he has it all the same, and there’s no time to come up with a better one. He puts his hands on Buck’s elbows, tugs him in closer, and says, “Kiss me.”

When You Broke Her Heart, I'm Watching it Burn by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress (Post-S5E11, Buck/Taylor Break-Up | 4K | General): When Buck confesses he kissed someone, Taylor makes an assumption about who. Eddie deals with what all of it means for his own future while picking up the pieces for both Buck and Taylor.

🔥Plus or Minus by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress (S5 | 10K | General): “Why are you cleaning out the kitchen? Why is my stuff in boxes?” Eddie slows, then stops. “Figured you’d want it back.” It’s quieter. Pained. When he says it. “I haven’t decided anything. So unless you’re kicking me out—” “Buck. Come on.” He’s not angry or snapping. It’s still quiet, and somehow that hurts even more. He’s resigned and defeated, and Buck is a scooped out, gutted, hollow shell. “I know how this ends the same way you do. You want to be loved, you want to be married. You’re going to leave. Might as well…” His voice cracks before he can finish and get it under control. “Shouldn’t drag it out.” ~ Taylor is offered a job across the country and asks Buck to go with her. Buck has to figure out if he wants to start over or if he has a reason to stay right where he is.

Color Him Father, Color Him Love by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress (Post-S6E12 | 3K | General): “Connor was worried he wouldn’t feel like it’s really his kid. But I put him back in Connor’s arms, and I could see the way his face changed. The way he lit up and teared up and might have cried because that is his son. And all I could think was that I know that feeling. I know what it feels like to hold a kid and care about them and want to protect them. But it’s so different when it feels like they’re yours. It’s so much more. Even if you didn’t— Even if it’s not biological and you’re not. You’re not really the father. Because I hold Chris— I hold him and I feel like he is part of me.” ~ Buck has a revelation about what he is to Chris. And to Eddie.

turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you by Daffi_990_ao3/ @daffi-990 (Post-S6, Getting Together | 4K | Not rated): To protect his heart, Eddie pulls away from Buck when he starts dating Natalia. When he decides to move to B-shift, Buck finally confronts him and certain feelings finally come to light.

with blood in my nose by hammersmiths/ @henswilsons (Canon Divergent, S4E14: Survivors | 9K | Teen): The spray of blood hits him, first. And then Buck drops like a fucking stone. or, Buck is the one who gets shot instead of Eddie.

🔥 3 Men 1 Baby by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Canon Divergent, Accidental Baby Acquisition | 21K | General): It’s a good thing the groceries have made it to the table, because the eggs would certainly have cracked from Eddie dropping the bags to the floor. Because Evan Buckley was standing there holding a baby. A baby. OR: Buck, Eddie, and Chim get a baby. Here's what happens.

you can see it with the lights out (you are in love) by wikiangela/ @wikiangela (Post-S6, Love Confessions | 5K | General): Turns out, Natalia does see Buck, though maybe not in the way he expected. In which Natalia realizes Buck's in love with Eddie and help him see it, too.

we could be corny by devirnis/ @devirnis (Established Buddie | 1,6K | General): Or, Chim and Maddie have Buck and Eddie over for their first official couples’ game night.

🔥 Facets of a Diamond by countrygirlsfun/ @acountrygirlsfun (Canon S1-S2 | 35K | Teen): Southern California is where Buck has spent the most time since leaving Pennsylvania. Of all the places he’s lived and worked over the last few years, this place is where he decided to stay. It’s why he picked LAFD: to put down some roots. It’s warm, has the ocean, and it’s the opposite coast of his parents. So if he’s going to be here for a while, he thinks he’ll need to make an effort to let people in.

a little of that human touch by devirnis/ @devirnis (Established Buddie, Secret relationship | 1,5K | General): Buck closes his book and places it on the coffee table, pushing himself up a little more as Eddie trudges over to him. “Couldn’t sleep either?” Buck asks quietly. He wanders over to the far end of the couch and Buck moves his feet out of the way so Eddie can sit down. “Woke up and you were gone,” Eddie murmurs, pulling Buck’s feet into his lap.

you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Getting Together, Valentine's Day | 2K | Teen): The LAFD throws a Valentine's Day charity event, there's a kissing booth and Eddie is definitely not going insane with jealousy.

🔥 Winter Prayer by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Road Trip, Buck&Bobby&May | 18K | General): When a work conflict prevents Athena from accompanying Bobby to Minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, Buck and May offer to go instead. Over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and Bobby faces his grief.

Fractals from the Lightning Bolt by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (One Shots Collection | 47/54 | 87K | Not Rated): A collection of oneshots, some originally posted on tumblr. Each chapter is individually rated.

47. But What if They Were Secret Dating (S4, Explicit)

You Can't Surprise Evan Buckley by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Established Buddie, Fluff | 5K | Mature): Ten months into their relationship, Eddie has not been able to execute a romantic surprise for Buck. But on Buck's birthday, things are about to change. (Part 2 of Birthday Surprises & Other Shenanigans)

WIP

because we'll all arrive in heaven alive by callmenewbie/ @puppyboybuckley (Post-S6, Disaster Fic | 1/9 | 7K | Explicit): During a search and rescue, Eddie disappears without a trace, leaving Buck to grapple with the sudden possibility of a life without him.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon, S1 through S6 | 111/? | 315K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 A Minor Delay by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Post-S6/S7 Spec | 6/11 | 21K | Mature): Almost a year after the bridge collapse, a lot has changed. The team are scattered—Bobby and Athena on their Honeymoon, Hen on adoptive parent's leave, and Buck and Eddie... They may still work together, still have movie nights with Chris whenever they can, but things have changed. With Maddie and Chimney's wedding around the corner, Buck tries to make it perfect. And maybe, along the way, he might figure out why everything still feels... wrong.

if i need to rearrange my particles — i will for you. by dylaesthetics (Post-S6, Social Media fic | 1/16 | 4K | Teen): OR Buck joins a support app for first responders and matches with a firefighter who has PTSD and a kid who likes giraffes, apparently.

[fangsandfracturedhearts]

Fangs and Fractured Hearts

Chapter 19: Hark Thy Plea

Summary: After embracing eternity as a vampire spawn under Astarion's wing, the Crimson Palace becomes a haunting symbol of the man he once was. As his personality unravels into a dark abyss, you flee. A year of hardship unveils the harsh reality of existence as a vampire spawn.

Just as all hope seems lost, a twist of fate reunites you with Astarion, revealing a glimmer of hope amidst the shadows. As you navigate the complexities of your relationship, you must confront the unsettling truth behind the Rite of Profane Ascension and the devilish secrets it holds.

In a race against time, you embark on a daring quest to save Astarion from his descent into darkness. With each choice you make, the stakes grow higher, testing the limits of your courage and determination.

Will Astarion find redemption, or is he destined to succumb to his own inner turmoil?

Word Count: 6.2k

Pairing: Ascended Astarion x female!Tav Spawn

Warnings: [Will try to continue to add more, but in general expect explicit content for mature audiences]

Possible spoilers. Eventual Explicit Content. Slow Burn. Thoughts of Suicide. Violence. Blood. Injury. Mature Content. Self-Harm. Mentions of in-game content. Completely fabricated camp events. Mentions of Astarion's Trauma.

If you notice a very critical tag missing, please don't hesitate to let me know

Rating: Explicit 18+ - [Meant For Mature Audience]

The words on the page blur and melt together before your tired eyes as another wave of hunger invites you to be crushed beneath the tsunami of madness. The sound of the blood gurgling through Shadowheart’s arteries and ventricles goads you with every musical pulse. Your vision is overshadowed momentarily, and when you sober, you find yourself taking steps toward her with your eyes centred on the fluttering vein in her neck.

You propel yourself backward, slamming into the bookshelf. Shadowheart startles to her feet with her weapon in hand, but she’s watching the archway. Her heartbeat soars, and with it, your bloodlust only explodes, detonating like a bomb burning a hole in your empty stomach.

I could sneak up behind her and take her so easily while she’s distracted.

“What was that?” She’s tense, ready to strike, and her radiant magic is already making the pads of her fingers glow golden. “Do you think Astarion escaped?”

Hells. What are you thinking? You bite your tongue, dig your fingernails into your arms, and scrawl your pain into your ashen skin. Your control is warring against you with the ferocity of an army, and this is not a battle that you will win. You press your still-raw back into the shelves, reopening the wounds and using the anguish to keep yourself from gouging out your eyes to stop them from mooring on Shadowheart’s mouthwatering blue-green veins.

“It wasn’t him,” you croak, and Shadowheart whirls at the tension that makes your voice stiff. “You’re going to have to lock me away, Shadowheart. You’re not safe with me for much longer.”

“Illyria…” Shadowheart shakes her head, taking steps back from your feral glare.

When your body spasms, convulsing and contorting inhumanely, her worry eclipses her fear, and she comes toward you.

“Don’t!” You snarl, squeezing your eyes shut. “I’m—” you stutter as another cramp makes your breath hiss from your throat. “Just give me a moment.”

You let it hurt because it will keep you present until this bout subsides. It’s only a matter of time before your grip on your nature slips away.

“Did he eat today?” You ask as it eases, and you try to get your psyche to reorient itself.

It’s been over a week since you locked Astarion in the kennels, and you haven’t returned. Despite the danger it puts her in, Shadowheart insists on being the one to deliver him food and to check on him, citing that he cannot compel her to dispel the Arcane Lock. As much as you hate putting her life in his crosshairs, she is correct.

“No.” She takes a seat on the floor at the opposite end of the room. “He asked for you again. He assured me it was him. Are you sure it’s not?”

You nod with a sigh. “I’m sure. If it was really him, I would be able to feel it in my head.”

“I still do not quite understand that part,” she muses, trying to keep the conversation flowing to keep you distracted. “What in the Hells is a bride, and why is it different than a spawn?”

“I’m not exactly a spawn and not a true vampire; I’m somewhere in-between.”

“Who knew vampires had their own kind of marriage?” She smirks.

You shrug, “Astarion apparently.”

“And you can feel him in your head? What in the Hells is that like? I’m not sure I would enjoy having someone privy to my thoughts and feelings like that.”

“Honestly, it’s… blissful,” you admit, and swallow the thick grief that balls in your throat. “We are like one soul. Without him, I feel hollow, like a part of me is missing or my soul isn’t complete.”

“We will find a way to get him back.” She assures you with a soft, zephyr intonation. “But we need you to stay sane until we can. You need to eat.”

Your head falls into your hands. It’s not safe for you to leave Shadowheart here alone with him. If he should escape, you would be able to keep him occupied long enough for her to flee. You suppose you could try to chase some rats down. It’s not like it would be the first one you’ve ever eaten.

“I know,” you mumble, fiddling with your fingers. You try to lighten up the conversation. “He’s been spoiling me. I usually just feed on him now.”

“He lets you drink his blood?” Shadowheart’s eyes widen.

Shit. With your mind so unfocused and fogged, it’s hard to recall what you’ve mentioned and what you haven’t.

“Yes, but maybe it’s best if we stop talking about blood,” you say, fighting off another wave of nausea.

“How much would you need to feel better?”

The question catches you off guard and makes your gauzy vision sharpen instantly. “Sorry?” 

“Well, it simply will not do if both of you lose your minds.” Shadowheart tries to hide her hesitancy, but her brows pinch irresolutely. “I could help—”

“No,” you say, cutting her off before she can offer you her neck. Your words are brusque and steeped in warning. “Absolutely not. I don’t have the same dominance over myself as Astarion did. I can’t be trusted to stop. Let me be clear. I won’t stop. I won’t be able to.”

Shadowheart nods in understanding with a clenched jaw and tight lips, keeping whatever she wants to say at bay. 

“I’m going to go see him,” you decide. It’s a risk, but so is staying here with Shadowheart’s warm body, which smells like the sustenance you so desperately crave. “If I yell for you to leave, get out. Do not come down there.”

“He’s dangerous.” Shadowheart says, with a hint of disapproval.

“As am I.” You push yourself to your feet unsteadily. “I need to see him.”

Shadowheart doesn’t argue further, and you’re thankful for it. Wandering through the maze of quiet halls is daunting, and you stand at the top of the staircase leading down toward the kennels. You can’t bring yourself to take the next steps as flashbacks and the sound of your own screams blare between your ears.

You cringe and instead make your way to Astarion’s chambers. The thick wooden door creaks when you push it open and stand in the doorway. It still smells of him, though the scent is vague. It is simultaneously comfort and heartache that burden your heart. You weren’t allowed in here, and the room looks alien.

Somehow, even after everything, it still feels wrong to step foot in this room, and you do so cautiously as if he might pop out of thin air to teach you another lesson. You explore, picking up brushes, combs, and soaps, as if they might help you feel closer to him, but these things are not the belongings of the man you love.

The bed beckons you, inviting your weary mind to trance. Between having to govern your bloodlust carefully and remaining constantly alert, repose has not been attainable. It leaves your brain feeling heavy and swollen in your skull under the combined weight of exhaustion, hunger, and heartache.

A beige linen catches your eye, rumpled just below the dusty bed skirt. You crouch, pulling the fabric away to reveal a pillow hastily cached beneath the bed. You get on your knees with a frown and peer underneath. Your heart lurches when you see the navy and silver stars of the shroud gathered from his grave.

Pulling it into your lap, the pads of your fingers course over the delicate fabric. It’s been worn and stained, but expertly patched and repaired time and time again. Why would he keep this when he shunned and discarded everything that evoked unpleasant memories of his past after his ascension?

Even you.

Thoughts drift unclearly between what you’ve learned about Mephistopheles and the Lord of Lies. If nothing else, lacking the ability to rest has given you ample opportunity to delve into your research.

Mephistopheles, Lord of Hellfire, Baron of Cania, for all his insanity, is regarded as a careful and cunning individual with unparalleled mastery in wizardry. It remains unclear if Cazador knew anything about what Mephistopheles had planned when he made the deal. Astarion burned most of Cazador’s old journals as soon as he came across them, destroying any insights they may have contained.

If you had to guess, you imagine Cazador, much like Astarion, saw the power on offer and had little foresight regarding the consequences. 

Mephistopheles is second only to Asmodeus, Supreme Master of the Nine Hells — Lord of Lies. Though Asmodeus and Mephistopheles are said to be allies, they are contradictorily also great enemies. Mephistopheles covets Asmodeus’s throne, and now that he is free of his unpredictability, it’s a certainty that his ambitions for usurping it have only increased. 

It is the angle you’re hoping to exploit, but how to get an audience with The Archfiend eludes you. He is known to be a supreme strategist with unmatched, legendary prowess in manipulation — an omen Shadowheart has pointed out in her attempts to talk you out of this foolish plot.

But Asmodeus remains the underlying power behind all infernal contracts, and thus, it is your best opportunity to have the terms of Astarion’s renegotiated.

What choice will you make if it comes down to letting Astarion be unravelled at the very seams of his being or plunging him back into an eternity of painful bloodlust and darkness? Robbing Astarion of his newfound life against his wishes is unconscionable. Though your intentions may be pure, and your heart is in the right place, is forcing your agenda on him any less monstrous than Cazador?

The thought is too painful to dwell on, and you push it away for now. It is too heavy of a question to entertain when your mind is in a near-rabid haze of bloodlust and fatigue.

With the shroud still clasped in your hand, you navigate the concourse of halls in an almost trance-like daze until you come to the door to the kennels. The key trembles in your hand, hovering just before the lock. As it creeps closer to the threshold, the harsher your hand shakes, the hotter the lacerations carved into your flesh burn, and you wince, grinding your teeth together as your mind’s eye evokes the echos of your torture. 

“I can hear you out there, you know.” Astarion’s voice is muffled but audible enough for your sharp hearing. You hate the way it makes you bristle and simultaneously soothes.

You wipe the wetness from your cheeks and let yourself into the frigid room. The candles light at your silent command and illuminate the space in a warm glow, but they do nothing to provide any pleasantry. You sit on the floor opposite the cell door and stare at the shroud in your hands, letting your fingers run over the delicate fringing.

Pressing your mutilated back against the chilled wall provides some relief from the searing torment, and you finally bring your eyes up to meet Astarion’s, who watches you with a vague curiosity. His wrists and forearms are raw and ruddy, the silver blistering his ivory skin with a feverish hue.

Astarion and you sit in an oddly comfortable silence, regarding each other with varying degrees of cautious interest.

“You haven’t been eating.”

“Neither have you, by the looks of it,” he retorts with a blasé intonation.

You sigh, letting your eyes sail to the ceiling with a sarcastic laugh. “I’m not very good at hunting.”

“I’m well aware of your incompetence,” he chuckles. You’re surprised to hear genuine mirth in it, but he always did enjoy the fact that you were inferior. “You always were a dreadful disappointment.” 

“As were you,” you say unemotionally.

“You wound me, pet.” He pauses, running a hand through his matted hair. You cannot help but notice the way his fingers jitter. “Yet, you’re still trying to save what’s left of my bastard soul. After everything I’ve done to you, why?"

It feels odd to be having what feels like a conversation with this version of him. You lean forward, squinting in the dim light. “Because he deserves to live, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to make that happen.”

“I will kill you before I let you imprison me back inside that snivelling boy.”

“Maybe, but you haven’t managed to kill me yet.”

He shrugs. “There is still time, my dear.”

“I suppose there is.” You let your eyes close and drape the shroud around your shoulders.

“You’ve been snooping in my room. Bad girl.”

Your eyes open lethargically, and you are unable to focus correctly. The question sighs from your lips. “Why do you hate me so much?”

“Do you truly want to know?”

Do you? Probably not. “Yes.”

“You make a fucking mess of me.” He hisses, baring his teeth. “When I look at you, I see him, and he is my last tether to that fear and weakness I spent centuries eroding myself from. I love and despise you in equal measure. I cannot bear to return to the pain and shadows. I would rather perish, and you’re the only one who has a chance to convince me to do so. You are the embodiment of my last remaining weakness.”

You sigh, letting your eyes close. “I will get Astarion back.” 

“You do realize he is me, and I am him.” Astarion lets his head rest on the wall, and you can see the weariness and pain that make his face twitch as he suppresses winces. “We are two sides of the same coin.”

“I know.”

It is quiet for many minutes, with just the sound of Astarion’s languidly beating heart and even breath. Your hands ball into fists and cramp, and you have to flex and shake them out repeatedly to get the pain to ebb.

“Why couldn’t you love me?” Astarion’s voice is nearly a whisper.

The question makes your eyes catapult open. “What?”

He clears his throat and speaks a little louder. “Why couldn’t you love me as I am, like this? Am I really so terrible?”

“You are joking, right?” You gawk, trying to read the unreadable. He stares at you, unexpressive and stolid as ever. “You tortured me, starved me, and tried to whore me out. You are no better than Cazador like this.”

“SILENCE!” He bellows, making you flinch. “You do not speak his name in my presence.” He grimaces, shaking his head slightly. “If you had just listened and been as obedient as I had hoped you would be, I would not have had to treat you in such a manner.”

You narrow your eyes at him. Fear and anger lap up your throat in the form of burning bile. “Is that what he said to you, Astarion? Are those the lies Cazador whispered in your ear when you rebelled against him despite his torments?”

Astarion’s voice is spiritless and glacially cold. “Yes.”

“Well, it was all bullshit. You didn’t deserve anything that was done to you.”

Astarion leans forward threateningly, half of his face washed with flicking candlelight that causes eerie shadows to stagger across his sharp features. “You deserved everything I ever did to you.”

You laugh hollow and bitter. “Perhaps I did.”

He seems taken aback by your cavalier answer, and he leans back without uttering another word. Astarion leans his head back on the wall and lets his eyes close, and you follow suit, content to sit in silence. Exhaustion settles like a blanket over your mind. You rally against it, but your trance sweeps you away in its wake. 

The overwhelming scent of brimstone and sulphur chokes you awake. The air is so hot that it feels like you’re breathing fire into your lungs with every inhalation. It’s painful to open your eyes. The moisture is broiled right out of them between every blink, leaving them feeling mummified in their sockets. 

A barren plain, scarred with chasms and ravines, stretches out before you. The edges of which are barely visible, but the land seems to be floating in an infinite red void. You stare up at the sky but see no erratically shooting fireballs or the clouds of volcanic ash that you thought would be present. 

You are not in Avernus.

Your hair whips wildly in the stifling winds that gust across the desolate land. Before you can move, the land under your feet shakes violently, and a rift opens between your legs. You’re thrown off balance with another ruthless shake and plunged into a seemingly endless ravine. 

The speed of your fall only increases as you tumble head-over-heels until even the light from the surface is swallowed by the rayless darkness. Minutes, hours, or maybe days go by as you fall into the featureless dark. You get the distinct impression that time flows differently here. Instead of a coursing river always flowing one way, it feels like waves being thrust back and forth on a turbulent sea, time receding and swelling with it. 

It could also be that your senses are scattered and unable to make any sound judgments. 

When the penumbra finally spits you out of its void-like maw, you thud off the ground with enough force to make your body bounce like a rubber ball. Though the light is dim, it still hurts your eyes, and you blink rapidly until they adjust. Pushing yourself up, you stand in awe of the green-steel fortress sitting at the centre of a mammoth, cross-shaped city. 

“Beautiful, is it not?” 

The voice makes you jump and whirl around, taking on a defensive stance with fire already in hand. An attractive, albeit menacing, woman stands before you with long, dark hair and black eyes that seem to swallow light itself.

She lets her head fall back with a lilting, euphonious laugh. “Put that away, bloodkin. I mean you no harm.” 

You recognize the voice, but not in this form. “Tiamat?” 

She glides over to you, her long black robes swishing with every step. “Lord of the Nine will see you. Follow me.”

Tiamat doesn’t wait for you to answer before starting to walk toward the city with her arms wrapped tightly behind her back. It takes you a moment to assimilate what’s happening, trying to decide if this could be a dream, but you jog after her before she disappears.

The air itself seems to be forged of oppressive dread as you trail the woman through the streets; some are uninhabited and eerily quiet; others are bustling with devils of every shape and size. They hardly pay you any mind, other than a glance that usually ends with disgust.

“Where am I?”

“Malsheem, child,” Tiamat says with a monotone voice. “The Citadel of Hell in Nessus.”

You look around at the mammoth city that dwarfs you. It’s buildings rising high, but there is no sky to be seen. “Do you know how I got here?”

“Mortals cannot access the city without The Archfiend’s approval. He knows thou seek him, and he will hear your plea.”

It feels like you walk through a near-infinite number of streets and alleys until you come to the towering fortress of glinting green steel. It is impossibly high, the main tower so colossal that it extends up far beyond what your eyes can see. It makes a shiver run down your spine, and you try to regain your composure. 

Tiamat guides you through halls of immaculately polished, gold-veined marble. A pervading golden light bathes the corridors with no discernible source. Just like the city that extends around it, the structure is monumental, and although it is breathtakingly beautiful, the feeling of dread is relentless and follows you like a shadow.

The halls are largely devoid of life except for you and Tiamat, even though you think you could quite possibly fit the entire populace of Faerûn in this building alone.

She stops at double doors guarded by two hulking armoured guardians that stand as still as statues as you approach. For a moment, you think they actually might be statues, but Tiamat speaks to them in a language you can’t understand, and they pull the doors open in perfect unison.

Tiamat gestures you forward with a regal sweep of her arm. “Go, child. Do not keep him waiting.”

“You’re not coming?” Though it’s probably foolish, there is something about her that feels safe, and you’re not keen on facing the devil alone.

She smiles, almost seductively, and shakes her head. “The audience is for you and you alone.”

You swallow thickly, suddenly feeling so infinitesimally small, like a speck of stardust floating alone into the furthest reaches of the cosmos. A profound sense of icy terror tangles into your muscles and roots in your chest.

If you walk into this chamber, once a deal is struck — a contract signed in blood — there is no going back.

Even if you weren’t nearly out of your mind with bloodlust, on the verge of collapse from exhaustion, and burdened by mind-numbing fear, what do you know about negotiating deals with devils?

“I cannot bear to return to the pain and shadows. I would rather perish.”

Astarion does not want to go back, and after living for a year in the dark, perpetually starving to the point of pain, you cannot say you blame him. Still, you cannot stand by and watch him be emptied of everything that makes him, well, him.

You must do this.

You can do this.

You think.

You hope.

You square your shoulders and try to stand as straight as your cramping stomach will allow, but truly, you know it will make little difference in how the devil views you. To devils, you are merely a pawn in their games, a thing to be played with, used, and discarded when you are no longer amusing.

The doors slam closed behind you when you enter the room, making you jump slightly and curse. The room is stately, and much like everything in this place, immense. Shelves carved into the white marble are filled with innumerable scrolls that line the walls from floor to implausibly high ceiling. A fire crackles in a hearth easily double your height in width and length, the opening like a dragon’s gaping maw. It is quite a sight, and dare you say, homey, in comparison to the stark and sterile ambiance the rest of the fortress exuded. 

In the midst of the room is a tiered podium, and upon it is a throne that is all cuttingly sharp angles and gleaming spikes that threaten to impale any who dares to misstep around it. A menacingly large, red-skinned devil lounges in it. His eyes glow red in a way that reminds you of Astarion’s, and he regards you with an expression between scrutiny and ambivalence.

He wears extravagant, long robes of black, red, and gold regalia and holds a sceptre in one giant taloned hand. With a charming smile framed by a perfectly trimmed beard, he is strangely attractive in a he-could-snap-you-like-a-matchstick-with-one-hand kind of way.

“Come, child.” He says with a rumbly, captivating voice, beckoning you further into the room with a clawed finger. “Don’t dawdle. We have much to discuss.”

How does one greet a devil of such esteem? What is the custom? Curtsy? Bow? Kneel? You have no idea, so you step forward and bow stiffly. It seems to please him enough to make his smile widen slightly, quirking up at one corner.

“So, you are the little nightwalker who killed one of Hell's own.” His fingers come to his chin, stroking his pointed beard, and his red eyes narrow. He cocks his head at you as if you’ve piqued his interest. “I expected you to be taller.”

The only thing being taller would have assisted with in that battle would have been giving you a better view of the hatred in Raphael’s eyes when you mocked him. It makes you laugh, but you quickly stifle it. Do you apologize for killing him? Is that what Asmodeus is seeking?

Gods. You are way out of your depth. Shadowheart was right. This was a terrible, awful, no-good idea, but you are here now, and it’s too late to turn back.

“I got sick of his weird, metaphorical threats and theatrics.”

“Yes. He did decorate his speech with reprehensible rhymes and brainless witticisms, the smarmy bastard.” Asmodeus’ lips curl in disgust, and he leans back in his chair. “Truth be told, you did me quite a favour by doing away with him. He was too much like his father, overreaching and ambitious to a fault.”

“Uh,” you stutter, breath catching in your throat. “You’re welcome?”

“Come closer, little lamb chop. Let me take a look at you. I will not bite, unlike yourself.”

You take a couple of small, shuffling steps. Asmodeus stands, descending the tiers with unprecedented arrogance. It’s only now that you realize how tall he is. Astarion is tall — much taller than you, at least — but Asmodeus appears to nearly double Astarion’s height. He has to crane his head down to look at you as if you were a Gnome or Halfling.

“You are not very impressive,” he says, with a drone of displeasure returning to his throne. "You seek to renegotiate the terms of your master’s contract. What is his name again?”

“Astarion Ancunin.”

“Ah-yes. The rebellious, scared little spawn who had the great misfortunate of usurping his master’s place and getting saddled with the consequences well hidden beneath clauses and footnotes. A diabolically inventive contract that. Tell me. What terms are you looking to rework exactly?”

“Mephistopheles imbued the Vampire Ascendant with parts of his—“

He cuts you off with a snap of his fingers that echoes throughout the room, freezing your tongue to the roof of your mouth. “I know the contract well, child. You do not need to explain it to me. Mephistopheles has always been cunning, though I will admit he outdid himself with this one. Name the terms you seek, and I will name my price.”

“I want whatever Mephistopheles rooted in Astarion to be reversed.”

Asmodeus's eyes gleam with a cunning that makes fear stew in your belly, and all your hair stands on end. “You do not wish to undo the ascension entirely? Intriguing. Do go on.”

“No. I want Astarion to keep the power he’s attained,” you assert with more confidence than you feel.

“Greedy, little immortal, aren’t you? So, you want all the benefits and none of the, shall we call them, drawbacks?” Asmodeus laughs throatily, booming and loud in your ears. “I would typically never entertain such nonsense, you understand. It’s highly unorthodox, but Mephistopheles has become a rather troublesome thorn in my side now that he has unburdened himself. I may be willing to come to an agreement, but the price will be high. Very high.”

What do you have that he would want? Very little, you imagine. “Name your price.”

If your heart could beat, you imagine it would have clawed its way out of your chest already. The fear is unconscionable, and your body trembles in anticipation of the next words that will eloquently purr from the devil’s mouth.

An enormous, saccharine smile adorns his face. “You must kill Mephistopheles and obtain the original contract from Mephistar. Tie your fate to your lover’s. If you run out of time, die in the process, or fail to kill Mephistopheles and obtain the contract, Astarion’s contract does not get amended, he will eventually succumb, and I own you, body and soul, for eternity.”

You take an unsteady step, as if his words physically knocked you back. You swallow. “You want me to kill Mephistopheles? But— How? There’s no way I can pull that off.”

“Take your Vampire Ascendant and let him use the power bestowed upon him by Mephistopheles to kill Mephistopheles. Poetic, no?”

“Poetic? Hardly! It’s suicide! There,“ you stutter as your frazzled brain misfires. “There must be something else. Anything else. I—“

“There is nothing else. These are my terms.” He cuts you off, his voice blaring with a fearsome scowl that transforms his striking features into the embodiment of terror. “It is a generous offer.” 

Generous offer by whose standards? You have to kill Mephistopheles, the most powerful archdevil, only surpassed by Asmodeus himself. Before you can even get the chance, you have to survive the frigid wasteland of Cania to get to Mephistar, and all before you run out of time.

Devils do not make deals unless they think they will reap the rewards of them. The question remains: which outcome would be best for Asmodeus — Mephistopheles death or your soul?

You cannot fathom what use he would have for your soul, but if what you’ve learned about him is correct, there is still something you’re not seeing.

You know you should refuse outright. What will Astarion think? How will he react when he knows you’ve put your soul and freedom on the line and tied your fate to his?

He would not want you to do this. He would beg you not to do this, but Astarion isn’t here, and this is the price of your greed.

Asmodeus' snaps his fingers, and the scroll conjures out of thin air with a puff of red smoke. Its edges smoulder, embers floating in the air around it like fireflies. Your name glows, searing all hues of oranges, reds, and yellows across the parchment.

“Do you accept?”

Your nerves fray under your skin, snapping and unwinding like the twine from a cut rope. Nothing ever comes without a cost. You are glad Astarion isn’t here, because if he were, he might be able to talk you out of making another decision that is sure to end in tragedy.

You prick your finger with the tip of your fang, reach out, and let your blood drip on the parchment. “I accept.”

The contract glows momentarily as your blood bubbles and boils, searing and sinking into it. With a click of Asmodeus’ fingers, the parchment rolls up and disappears from where it hovered.

It is done, and you have to lock your knees to keep yourself from sinking to the floor.

Gods. What have you done? How are you always getting yourself wrapped up in things you cannot win? You’ve just agreed to kill an archdevil or die trying and forfeit your soul.

But if you can guarantee Astarion will keep his powers — his life — then it’s worth it if, by some miracle, you can pull it off.

“Show me your power, little dragon.”

The archdevil’s voice brings you back from your lamentations. You blink. “Huh?”

“You are a powerful sorceress, no? Demonstrate what you reaped from your draconic ancestors. I wish to see it. Show me the fire within. Show me your light.”

You follow the command in a daze, holding out your palm, and summon a fiery sphere. You shake your head and focus on forcing the element to burn as hot as you can. The heat from it singes your face, and your eyes squeeze closed against the brightness.

“Hm. This is all? This is what is considered powerful on your plane?” Asmodeus expresses his disapproval with a scoff and a bored, passionless expression. Confirming what you already know. He’s just playing with you at this point. “Pathetic. You will surely die.”

He is right, but you would rather die and spend an eternity rotting in the Hells as his property than watch Astarion be diminished and turn into everything he hated — everything you strived to free him from.

“I will give you a boon,” he concludes. “A gift to aid you. Freely given.”

Before you can answer, he waves his sceptre, and your orb of fire shudders in your palm, convolutes, and bursts into white-hot hellfire. It is a volatile thing, forcing you to strain to keep control. It spurts and sputters, projecting arcing flares that squirm across its surface like a roiling pit of vipers.

It sinks into your palm and slowly spreads up your forearm, gaining speed until it envelops your whole body. You scream, falling under the agony of it as it feels like it burns your flesh much like the sun does.

“Hellfire is now yours to use. Another one of Mephistopheles’ cunning inventions you can turn against him.” The bored look on the archdevil’s face is replaced by a cruel, self-satisfied smile. “Be warned, wee immortal; channelling hellfire has a cost. I would advise against overuse, or I will be seeing you very soon.”

The white death absorbs into your skin, broils through your bloodstream, and eats away at your bones. Asmodeus yawns as if your suffering is supremely boring, and he does not let you recover before he waves his hand flippantly. A portal opens up under your thrashing body, and you’re cast into the energetically whirling gateway.

You are stuck in some nullity somewhere between your trance and wakefulness. There is nothing here in this white, blank vacuum that stretches infinitely in all directions. The ground beneath your feet is smooth and featureless. You wonder if the hellfire burned you away, and this is the death that awaits when you have been abandoned by all Gods. 

It’s so quiet. When you snap your fingers, no sound reaches your ears. This is a soundless, colourless, featureless void, but there is no pain, and you’re thankful for that at least. You wouldn’t mind lingering here for a bit and letting the world spin without you, if only for a little while.

The reprieve ends too soon, and you’re shaken violently, sending you sprawling and stumbling over the flat surface. It’s almost as if an earthquake were tearing through this weird dreamscape, but there is nothing to indicate movement at all. 

Did Astarion get out? 

Did he compel you into this nullity? 

Is he shaking or carving up your unconscious body? 

Everything shakes, shakes, shakes until you twist your fingers into your hair, tugging at the roots, and scream in a silent plea for it to stop.

You scream and lash out with fists at whatever is attacking you. Your fingers meet something physical, and a cry pierces the air. Grasping the Weave, your eyes fling open, expecting to see Astarion, but it’s Shadowheart who is looking at you through rounded eyes. Her lip is split, red, and fattening more and more in concordance with every beat of her heart. 

Blinking rapidly, you try to sift through the confusion that’s wrapped itself around your brain like razor wire. The smell of Shadowheart’s blood in your nostrils is saccharine, and your lips smack together as bloodlust settles like a thick, milky fog over your rational mind.

“Illyria?” Shadowheart asks. Her fingers graze her swollen lip with a wince. “Are you okay?” 

Speech is beyond you now. You barely comprehend the sounds coming from Shadowheart’s mouth. She sounds merely like mewling cuisine. 

“Did you do this to her, you monster?!” Shadowheart turns to Astarion. 

Dragging your unwilling eyes away from Shadowheart’s weeping lip and the sound of her rapidly beating heart, you try to focus on anything else.  

On the flickering flames of the candles. On the way the wax melts. On the way the way the stone floor feels on your fingertips.  

Anything.  

But you are hungry. Starved. Famished.  

She will protect herself, of course. You would expect nothing less of her, and oh, it will hurt, but what is pain to you anymore? It’s starting to feel like you are an entity made of pain, reborn in bloodlust, heartbreak, and torture. This pain, at least, will taste remarkably sweet. 

Shadowheart, you remind yourself. Shadowheart is my friend. She is good. She is here to help. She—  

— is full of arteries veritably begging to be punctured, full of blood to wet your tongue and throat, to give you strength, to make you happy .

No. No. No. You shake your head. She is my best friend. She is not food. She trusts me. She is—

— food. Quarry. Game. Prey.

A thrilling disequilibrium spills through as the room spins. Your thoughts are scattered and distant, more like fading echos than true thoughts. You are not a person capable of thought or reason. You are an animal of instincts, of senses, of exhilaration, and of starvation. Your vision is nothing but a sanguine, nebulous haze; the smell of her blood overwhelms you, and then instinct takes control.

You lunge with a growl, and you grasp the fleeing prey by the ankle and drag it back to you. It looks at you with scared, wild eyes as it struggles, but you subdue its flailing limbs with ease. Your skin prickles — hot, then hotter, then harrowing burning — but you’re in a state of derangement long past the idle considerations of physical pain.

You grind the thrashing, mewling mortal into the floor, rear your head back, and your fangs plunge into the imploring flesh, severing the artery that throbs just beneath. You moan as sweet, sweet coppery nectar bursts forth into your mouth and flows over your tongue like sweet serenity, a symphony of flavours parading on your palate. It is overwhelming, all-encompassing bliss, and your eyes roll back in your head and close.

You drink, and drink, and drink. 

Big thank you for everyone who takes the time to read/reblog/comment, and all the other magnificent things. As with most fic writers, I am a WHORE for comments. We appreciate even just an emoji. Please feed your fic writers the sustenance of comments 🥰

AO3 [Crossposted]

Master List of Chapters: Fangs and Fractured Hearts

If you're interested I write another fic with Spawn Astarion x Tav called - Shadows of the Past

I also have a Redeemed Durge Female presenting (who is still not a good person and has intrusive thoughts) X Acsended Astarion fic that is not about fixing him, and is mostly just about how they love each other -- evil and all.

It's in my A03 called "Lie to Me" if interested. Please be warned it gets... dark, to say the least. Lots of mayhem and gory murder.

Small Notes:

Did she make a bad deal? Did the devil strike at the perfect time when poor Illyria was too tired and hungry to have the ability to think straight?

Does she tell Astarion what she's done? Telling him this didn't go so well for her.

Would you have taken the deal if it was the only thing offered to you?

I'm going to be moving coming up pretty quickly here, so updates might be a little slower for the next little bit. But don't worry, this is 100% continuing.

[izgnanik-a]

Suffer Does the Wolf (Crawling to Thee) v

Summary: Simon knew the exact moment when he knew he had to have you for himself. It was only a matter of time before his military skills allowed himself into your home, into your life. And once he stuck — he wasn’t going to let you back out of his webs.

Tags: non-con, stalker!Ghost, fem reader, mature content

MINOR DNI

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From the moment Simon hear those very words leave your lips, he felt like he was absolutely starved of you the moment your attention wasn't on him.

You like him? You like him?

You like him.

He could cum to the very thought of you with your arms around him, let alone the admission of you liking him. He'd found it hard to not be hard ever since.

The next morning, he'd been at the doorstep of the coffee shop the moment he knew you'd be in. He was sat on his perch across the parking lot when he saw you walking in, excusing yourself by someone leaving the building. Then he entered.

Even though you didn't say anything, he had a gift in his right pocket, warmed by his hand tightly clenched around it. There was a new nail polish collection out, and though he couldn't get his hands on the set, he saw a color that complimented you well. He knew it would.

He got in line as quickly as he could when you got in line.

The moment you'd stepped behind the counter, apron wrapped around your waist, you were pulled aside to the window. You wouldn't be able to see him standing there, waiting for you.

"What can I get for you?" Said the person at the counter.

You. He wanted you. "Medium hot black." He said, his eyes never leaving the sight of you quickly adapting to the flow of the cafe around you.

"That's it?"

Simon put the money on the counter. "Yeah." He uttered, breaking his glaze to receive the money back. He didn't even move for the pick-up spot. He stood opposite of the corner where you were, hands clenching tighter around the nail polish.

Would you like his gift? Would you light up pleased? Would you question it? Did you already have that color? Did you like the consistency of the polish? What if you thought it was weird? What if you thought he was weird? What if you wanted the whole set? What if you laughed in his face at the single polish? He should've asked.

He should've asked.

"Medium hot black." His order was called.

You hadn't noticed him yet. He should turn away. He should return the nail polish and ask if you'd like the whole set instead of just one polish. You'll think he's a creep, or couldn't afford the whole set—

"Simon?"

He perked up to the sound of your voice, his name on your tongue so enticing and beautiful. God. He thought as he looked at you.

"Is everything alright?" You asked him.

He took a moment to process his next actions. “I just—“

“Medium black coffee?” Said the cashier, bringing his cup a little closer.

“I’ve got it.” You said, taking his cup. You held it out to him from over the counter privacy screen, that Simon just to happened to be able to see over.

Simon reached up, hand brushing yours, and wanted to linger a little longer.

“You get home safe?” You asked him, half a mind as you were making two coffees.

“Yeah. You?”

You’d texted him that you got home safe. He wanted to hit himself for being so stupid.

“Yeah.” You smirked. “Did you get my text this morning?”

Simon had been so distracted by walking into the cafe that he didn’t even notice you’d text him. He plucked out his phone as you handed out the drinks, and focused on the next order.

‘ I had a good time last night. We should go out again. On a date this time. ‘

When he looked up at you, you were already smirking at him. He was breathing heavy under his mask, hands sweating around the polish.

“Is that okay with you?” You asked him. “If I didn’t read the room right, I’m so sorry—“

“I want to.”

You paused. “Is there a but?”

“Not but. I want to.”

“Okay.” You laughed nervously, giddy now. “We can talk about it later.”

He nodded. His heart was blaring in his chest, and all he wanted to do was leap over the counter and just kiss you. He should give you the polish now, get it over with. Or should he wait, buy the whole set, and give it to you on your date?

A date.

Simon Riley has a date.

“I have to get back to work. Though I’d like to talk to you instead.” You blushed.

He wondered if he was starting to show he was getting hot under his clothes, if he was blushing under his mask. Did you know how bricked up he was on the other side of the counter?

“Talk to you later?”

“Yeah.” He sighed dreamily, the quietest you’d ever heard from him.

You smiled, giving him a little wave before turning to the window.

Simon took in the sight of you, smaller than Goliath him, and absolutely tucked that information into the back of his mind as he crawled into his bed and jerked off.

He would return the nail polish, and he would get you the whole set. He’ll make you feel seen and heard, surrounded and protected, he’ll fill you with a love so full that you’ll never forget who fucks you every night.

Do not copy my works and post elsewhere.

[dancingtotuyo]

drabble. what's that i see?

Woman | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: a unexpected discovery brings Joel acceptance.

Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (13/14 years). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed.

Chapter Warnings: pregnancy related things, grief, acceptance, fluff?

Notes: no beta, we die like Gabe, Chris, and Paul.

If you have checked out Before, I would encourage you to do so for more backstory on our dear reader! The final part is out now!

Words: 865

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist

The sun still sits below the horizon when a hand roams over your middle and the scruff of Joel’s beard scratches your neck. You don’t bother opening your eyes, a half-assed whine leaving your lips. He chuckles softly. “Just obeyin the rules, Sweetheart. About to head out.” He kisses your cheek. 

You crane your head back, eyes opening to small slits. He smiles at you. “Be safe,” you barely manage to say. 

Joel nods, minty breath hitting your lips as he kisses you. It’s soft and gentle. It feels like a lazy morning spent in bed, meant to lull you back asleep. “Always.” He kisses your head. “See you at dinner.” 

He stops in the doorway, looking back at your sleeping form. You're seven months along now, well rounded in your middle. Your ankles and fingers are swollen. He’s noticed the slight waddle develop in your gait as well. It all makes him smile. 

You’ve been taking things one day at a time, but neither have you made any preparations for when the baby gets here. No crib. No clothes. No discussions of a name. You still need time, even though the window rapidly is closing. 

Joel thinks about it silently sometimes, especially when he can feel them moving about, the small grunts that leave you when you get a fist to the bladder or a foot in your lungs. What will the baby look like? Will they have your eyes? His smile? Will it be a boy or a girl? 

You’re unconscious before the bedroom door clicks behind him. 

Patrol has picked this neighborhood over a hundred times in the last decade, but Joel and Tommy still stop. They still rummage through a couple houses. As time goes on, people have had to get more creative. Things that once seemed useless have renewed purpose. 

Joel hasn’t been in this house before. It’s a single story. Three bedrooms by his calculation. He rummages through linen closets and dresser drawers while Tommy goes through the kitchen. He finds a couple towels. They have a few holes, presumably from moths, but they can be cut down for rags. He finds a couple bars of soap still in boxes shoved to the back of one. 

The last door is stuck. He puts his shoulder into it twice before it gives way. His breath catches the moment he takes in the space. Dust floats around, flickering in the sunlight from the intact window. A crib sits in the corner, covered in dust. The sheets are faded with tiny pink flowers and the walls painted in pastel pink. 

He takes in a deep breath, blinking back tears. It’s eerily similar to the pink he’d painted Sarah’s walls right after her birth. He’d painted it over with purple a few years later once she expressed her preference. It brings forward a whole slew of emotions that he hadn’t realized were bubbling under the surface. 

What if you were carrying a girl? Would it feel like he was replacing her? Rationally, he knew that wasn’t the case. Ellie had carved her own spot in his heart. So had Carter. Would this be different? Would biology make a difference?

Joel clears his throat, pushing away the moisture from his eyes. It’s extra dusty in here, he reasons. 

There’s no closet in the room. He opens up the dresser. Once again, Joel freezes. Light muslin swaddles miraculously untouched by time. One has little yellow flowers against white, and the other has bouquets of pink flowers that match the sheets. They each have a solid color pair to match. He picks them up, expecting them to disintegrate in his hands, but they don’t. They only release little puffs of dust into the air as he shakes them out. 

The last one catches his eye, purple butterflies. Tears gather in his eyes again. There’s a tugging in his heart. Joel has never thought much about what comes after this life even before the outbreak when there was time to do so. So much of his life has been spent focusing on survival. Wherever Sarah might be, he knows she led him here. He turns around half expecting to see her smiling at him from the corner. 

It’s empty, but he still imagines her there. There’s no doubt in his mind you’re carrying his daughter. It’s a surety in his brain, and for the first time, he’s okay with the idea of a girl. Hell, it might be the first time that he’s truly at peace with this pregnancy. She won’t be a replacement or a placeholder for Sarah, but the little sister she spent years begging for. His heart will grow, create a new space just as it did for Ellie and Carter. He knows that because he can feel her telling him that. 

Joel nods to the empty corner clearing his throat. He wipes the moisture from his eyes, shoving the swaddles into his backpack. The drawer of clothes isn't as preserved but he manages to find a few options untouched by two decades of moths and other insects.

He carefully tucks the items into his pack. He’ll give them to you when you’re ready. 

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Forget the horror here.

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Words count: 1445

Rating: Mature (but there’s only allusions to smut this time)

Warnings/Tags: Javi’s POV for Poison and Wine, Internal conflict, sad thoughts, mention of Javi’s work, sweet Javi, bad at feeling Javi, love bites my friends, sad ending.

A/N: Poison and Wine can be found here, I promised a second part from Javi’s pov and here we are. I hope you’ll like this.

Titles comes from one of the most beautiful gut wrenching song I’ve ever listen, Spanish Sahara by Foals.

Archive tags: @pedrostories ♥️

You are the easiest thing I deal with during the day. A relief, a safe haven to return to.

When I approached you for the first time I did it almost without thinking.

It had been a terrible day, I had lost half of my men in an ambush and that piece of shit had managed to escape again. The drug lord, may the devil take him.

I had entered the bar with an unbearable weight on my shoulders. I should be used to it but I'm afraid I never will. How could I get used to seeing death and destruction all around all day.  

You were at the counter, you were wearing a dress that slid down your hips in an absolutely crazy way, you were breathtaking.

You were laughing, talking to the bartender.

I had nothing to lose, I ordered a tequila and spoke to you.

We chatted for a while, you seemed so spontaneous, confident, funny.

And you were beautiful, you have eyes that could stop time.

I felt almost clumsy in front of you.

Like a young boy.

A really weird feeling for someone like me, I usually just take what I want.

I've paid for sex several times, I'm certainly not a saint.

I'm not even a total asshole, so I tried to treat you with respect.

I'm sure you knew exactly what I was looking for so I didn't look for excuses, it would have seemed to me to offend your intelligence.

You are a smart, proud, free and independent woman. Fierce and incredibly charming. You smell like sugar and taste like heaven.

I figured it all out that night and it hit me hard.  

That's how it started.

I was convinced that it could be a loophole, a distraction.

 I ask you to see me to shake off the images of devastation that I have to face every day.

It's easy not to think of anything else being with you.

A glance is enough for you to understand what I need.

I would never tell you about my job, I can't and in any case it wouldn't be fair.

That's not what I want to do with you.

I don't want to talk.

I don't want to analyze anything.

I just want to let go and forget the rest.

There’s too much pressure on me and I feel liberated with you.

I always try to be cautious and watch my back for my own safety but most of all because I would never want to put you in danger. You have always lived here so you know well what the situation is like in your country. You are certainly not clueless and you have your own problems to take care of, you don't need mine.

I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.

I leave you in the dark about this but I hope you have understood it.

You did, right?

 Sometimes I think you're too much for me, I don't deserve you.

 You are disarming.

 The way you melt under my hands drives me nuts.

The way we have sex is amazing, every time.

 When I’m with you, I feel like I finally find peace.

Your skin is soft and warm, your neck so delicate, your lips turgid and delicious, your breasts beautifully designed to fill my hands, your legs toned and sensual, your sex wet and sweet under my tongue. 

And your eyes.

 Your eyes are so intense, deep, every time I stare at them I feel a fire burning inside.

I noticed how they try to discover me, to understand something more about me, some secret that I try to hide from myself too.

Every damn time I sink into you I feel like I've been pardoned by God or whoever for him.

 I don't know how else to describe it.

 We are in a shabby motel and you radiate beauty around even in a place like this.

 I fucked you right away, without a word, it was one of the usual horrible days and I wanted to leave it completely behind.

I know I'm not an easy man.

My bad temper gives some problems even at work sometimes.

 I wish I could be more serene, have a more stable life, be able to offer something more than sex.

 I wish I could take you to dinner in a nice restaurant, give you flowers, make you feel like I care.

I would like to take your hands and tell you that you are the best thing that has happened to me in years. 

I would like to tell you how much you are helping me. 

I don't even know how I can think of certain things when the situation makes them impossible.

I became a sentimental fool.

 Sometimes I feel like you want to ask for more and every time I hope you don’t.

I can't, you know I can't.

Should I put up with seeing the same look on Connie's face as she watches Steve leave without knowing if he'll return?

Yes, I am a coward when it comes to this, my courage is all absorbed in work, even though I often feel like it's all for nothing.

I run from one side of the city to the other in an attempt to achieve something, to at least partially solve the chaos, the fear, the guerrillas. 

Every small victory pales into insignificance in the face of another death.

This place has a lot of hidden secrets, I can't imagine them all.

If I succeed in eliminating a small part of its evil, I know that there is still so much that it wouldn't take two lives to defeat it completely.

I feel like I will never be able to hold anything in my hands, like I will never get close to the end.

 I only feel some kind of comfort when I'm inside you.

I've been with a lot of women but none has ever made me feel like you do.

I can't tell you that.

I can't risk it all.

I can't let you walk into my life any more than I already have.

What if I let myself be totally vulnerable? What if you lost me? What if I lost you?

I closed my eyes to make you think I was sleeping.

You were watching me, I could feel your eyes on me.

 You looked away so I wouldn’t notice, but I know.

Damn it.

Please don't do that.

It crushes me.

I'm quickly getting attached to you and I feel it's the same for you.

I have to back off.

 I have to be able to leave you out of all the crap that grips me.

From the horror that haunts me.

Your eyes are fixed on a point on the wall, seemingly careless. 

I still feel your warmth, the taste of your skin, the sweetness of your body, your moans of pleasure.

You have a power over me that makes me restless, hungry, eager.

I reach out to stroke your arm and you give me a smile that hurts my soul.

God, you are so beautiful.

 I would like to start all over again.

I would like to grab your waist with my arm and draw you back to me.

I can't get enough. 

Every time I touch you, every time I kiss you, every time I hear your tongue dancing with mine, every time I bite your neck and feel your smile on my skin, every time I smell your fresh and flowery scent, every time I sense you tremble with pleasure, every time I hear you scream my name I hope it never ends.

I get up without saying anything.

It's time for me to leave.

I take my clothes from the chair, while I hate myself.

My fucking stubbornness, my fear of getting close to anyone for fear of hurting them, my obstinacy in living a lonely life.

I hate all this.

I have to live with it but it hurts like fucking hell.

I get dressed feeling like a bastard.

I just wish everything was different, easier, I wish I could have you every day.

I’m the fury in your bed.

One day I'll just be a ghost in the back of your head.

Tagging @aurorawritestoescape and @thundermartini that were both so kind and encouraging and enjoyed the first part of it ♥️

Thank you so much 🥰

[tawus]

I also wanted to give a shout-out to many good Gojo x Y/N fanfics so I’ll be giving you a list of them that are 10/10 *Gorden Ramsey chef’s kiss* In my opinion, I hope that my recommendation will satisfy your needs for new Gojo x Y/N fanfics to read. [I WILL PUT AN 18+, IF IT HAS SMUT OR EVEN MENTIONS TAG OF SMUT, EVEN IF IT’S ONLY ONE SINGLE SEX SCENE!]

ALSO! Please be aware that most of the fan-fics that I am recommending to you will have smut and (some mature adult theme) they all will at least have tags so you will at least be aware of what kind of content you’ll be getting yourself into. (Yes I am aware of your adult age, yes I am aware that you are responsible for the stuff that you see on your own accord and that you can take care of yourself, I just want to play things safe as I do not wish to accidentally trigger you in any way, just in case.)

akatsukinorequiem on Ao3

Six feet Under (18+)

(By the time that I am writing this the series is almost complete.)

------------------------

fanficbrainrots on Ao3 & Tumblr

A Siren’s Sound

Through A Mother’s Eyes (TAME) (18+)

Cursed Love (18+)

-------------------------

iloveboobs123 on Ao3

The Etterach and The Relived (series)

Cursed Contracts  (18+)

(Status is completed; Pairings are Gojo/Y/N, Shoko/Y/N, and Geto/Y/N)

Skirts (18+)

A side story for Cursed Contracts

5 Conserts And 1 Death (18+)

(Almost done, nearly complete; And has more than 1 pairing other than Gojo; Toji/Y/N, Sukuna/Y/N, Geto/Y/N etc, etc,)

-------------------------

Kirita (jeralee) on Ao3

Entropy (18+)

--------------

nezuscribe on Ao3 & Tumblr

His Kiss, The Riot (18+)

(one-shot)

-----------------

quirklessidiot on Ao3 & Tumblr

Minazuki (18+)

(Series has been fully completed on Tumblr, Author has an Ao3, unfortunately the author is no longer on Tumblr as they’ve lost motivation to write.) 🙁

------------------------

Petrichorium on Ao3 & Tumblr

The King is But a Man (series)

The King is But a Man Drabbles

Flower Crowns

Empty Beds

Shortcake Crumbs

--------------------------

saintobio on Ao3 & Tumblr

Sincerely Not (18+)

(Series has been fully completed, on Tumblr, Author also has an Ao3, Has a Season 2 called Sincerely Yours, but was unfortunately taken down due to the too much toxic community that Saint had. 🙁)

----------------

septembersummer on Ao3 & Tumblr

Moonlight (18+)

(The series is still on-going)

--------------------

ToonyTwilight on Ao3

Love, Death, and Circuits 

(chefs kiss~<3*)

What A Wonderful World 

:D

--------------------

tomodachi on Ao3 + Quotev

Ukiyo-Ikigai-Mamoritai: The Gojos' Marriage Series

Ukiyo (18+)

(Series has been completed)

Ikigai 

(Series is still on-going)

Assumptions 

(one-shot)

You and Me (18+)

(I know you’ve read this one but I still wanna recommend it. 😀)

Being Kept

Good god, just LOOK at this wealth of fics!! 🤯 I'll be reading them all, thank youuu!

Also a shoutout to my personal babes within this list:

Kirita (jeralee) - she was very glad to be recommended in your list 💗 Her tumblr is @imjeralee

And my forever babes September and Saint, whose tumblrs you've already mentioned 🥰

Incredible works all around ❤️❤️❤️

[cinamun]

New updates every Sunday & Thursday (sometimes I go rogue)

Named after one of my favorite books and albums, Things Fall Apart is an epic tale of lust, greed, betrayal, vengeance and, above all else, growth.

This story never started as a legacy nor was it intended to be anything other than gameplay.  However, these characters evolved and, as such, so did their stories; each intertwined and forever impacted by the others. 

Written, played and photographed by me circa 2015. This story is best read/viewed on a laptop, tablet or PC.

Should you choose to continue, please note that this story is rated MA for Mature Audiences and contains strong language, violence, adult themes, strong sexual content, nudity and a variety of triggers appropriately tagged for depression and abuse in all of its forms. This story is not suitable for anyone under the age of 18 (DNI).

Pictured above is the original cast, from left to right:

Elise Farrow ~ Juan Rivera ~ Darren Drake ~ Indya Williams ~ Jerrilee Coleman ~ Dr. Jules Carter

As you make your way through their lives, names will change and you'll find that new characters emerge for either good or sinister reasons.

Shall we begin?

Act One

Chapter 1: Understanding Indya | Chapter 2: The Horsemen | Chapter 3: Toxic | Chapter 4: Demons | Chapter 5: Vengeance | Chapter 6: The Aftermath | Chapter 7: Chances | Chapter 8: Restart | Chapter 9: Moving Forward | Chapter 10: Several Steps Back | Chapter 11: Unfinished Business

Act Two

Chapter 12: The Trial of the Century | Chapter 13: The Demon's Return | Chapter 14: I Do | Chapter 15: Conception at the Summit | Chapter 16: Hopeful | Chapter 17: Milestones | Chapter 18: Growth | Chapter 19: Growing Pains | Chapter 20: The Fear of Letting Go | Chapter 21: A New Journey

Act Three

Chapter 22: A Thin Line Between Life and Death | Chapter 23: And Then There Were Four | Chapter 24: Illusions of Independence | Chapter 25: Unthinkable

Current

Pictured above is the current (2023) cast from left to right

Elliot Mahajan* ~ Darren Drake Jr. ~ Indira Dior Drake ~ Jayce Carruthers ~ Hope Diamond Carruthers (Drake) ~ Indya Drake ~ Darren Drake Sr. ~ Jerri Coleman

*Deceased

Bonus Content

Story Commentary | Story Extras

In case you need a palate cleanser at any time, check out my Globetrotter Challenge or The Greenwoods for a little Rated E for Everyone fun!

Buy me a coffee?

Posting Schedule

I typically post story updates/episodes on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays*. I post in the mornings (US CST) and reblog in the evenings.

*As of 9/30/24 Story updates will post on Sundays and Thursdays

Author's Note:

This story has been a labor of love, writing is a hobby and so is gaming. Combining the two has helped me in ways I cannot put into words. I am thankful to you for enjoying this hobby with me. Writing urban fiction using the sims, for me, will forever be inspired by mochasims, rest in paradise, dear friend. Mocha created a community for Black storytellers where one didn't exist anywhere in the Sims Community and paved the way for other Black writers to follow with her epic tale of Men and Stilettos and of course Kasim's adventures!

I will be forever grateful for the safe space she created to tell real, Black ass stories. Much love sis.

Reactions to Mocha's passing:

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