#Punxsutawney Phil would be so proud I think

[mad-c1oud]

Going back through and cleaning up old works!! Just a heads up incase you see mini changes like fixed grammatical errors/French translations/ or maybe new italics. I won’t be adding any new text or taking out anything- just some maintenance so do not fret o7

[thebreakfastgenie]

⭐ for any passage you particularly want to talk about

I'm going to talk about Six More Weeks!

I always cringe a little when I go to reread this one because I wrote it super fast to try to finish it before midnight on Groundhog Day and didn't even succeed, but I'm always pleasantly surprised by how much I like it. One thing that happened as a result was I spelled Uijeongbu wrong because French just sticks in the brain. I knew I didn't want to Groundhog to be named William or Winston or anything like that, because Punxsutawney Phil is named Phil, not Percy. It's not a hard P sound. So if I had been thinking, he'd be like… Uijeonbu Uri? There aren't a lot of options for U so it's really just as well and I love Olaf as a name but it does bug me. I might correct the spelling of Uijeongbu eventually but I'm not changing the groundhog's name.

I am really proud of this fic. It came from a "missing episode" idea and I think I captured that. I'm very happy with the dialogue. As for the description… it's not my best prose because I was working fast, but it gets the job done.

There is one passage I'm dying to talk about, though, and it comes at the end.

“I won the pool. Kinda lost my taste for it.”  Hawkeye gaped. ���You won?”  “I put thirty bucks on wounded coming in before Olaf made his forecast. I mean,” he added uncomfortably, “I didn’t expect it to take quite so long to settle. So really I won on a technicality.”  “But why would you bet on choppers in the first place?” Hawkeye asked, confused.  “Betting on the war’s alway’s a safe bet,” Trapper said bitterly.  Hawkeye opened his mouth, but before he could embarrass himself with whatever inadequate words of comfort he could scrounge up, they were interrupted by a loud, high-pitched shriek.  Frank leapt from his cot, and Hawkeye was sure he went at least three feet in the air.  “You—you maniacs! You’re responsible for this!” Frank accused. Nestled in Frank’s bedclothes, Oujeonbu Olaf looked unfazed by the commotion. Trapper burst into peals of uncontrollable laughter. Hawkeye followed the sound, and watch Trapper bent double, saw the look of mirth on his face.  “Sorry, Frank,” he said, between his own rapidly escalating giggles. “I wish we could take credit for this.” 

The reason Hawkeye says he wishes he could take credit for Olaf appearing in Frank's bed is that the comedy of that situation cheered up Trapper who was kind of depressed about the war and the outcome of the betting pool. Hawkeye is saying he wishes he had arranged it because it made his friend feel better. I'm not sure that subtext really came through, because it's very hard to convey in prose. If this was an actual episode Alan Alda would stare meaningfully at Wayne Rogers while he delivered that line and it would be a lot more clear.

[kugirocks]

Ned’s Kids

I needed to take a huge break from my physics practice midterm and let my mind relax, so I decided to give my take on what the Ryerson children are like personality-wise as well as what they do and who they are 

Jamie Ryerson:  The oldest Ryerson at 16 during the events of Groundhog Day. The closest one to his mom so losing her hit him hard. He helps his father out with his younger siblings and it a shoulder for his dad to cry on when he is in a depressive state. Ned returns the favor. Jamie is a proud band geek playing trombone for the Punxsutawney High School Marching Band. He is the club Vice President of the Gender-Sexuality Alliance club on campus. He is proud to be gay though he hasn’t found anyone yet and he’s in no rush. Family comes first for him. Jamie has considered a career in gynecology after all those times he was with his mother and father in the doctor’s office seeing his soon to be new sibling.

Joey Ryerson: Second oldest at 14 (almost 15). He is the writer/vlogger of the family. He loves writing and vlogging about his family and the crazy life he lives in. He has his own Youtube channel where he does challenges, Q and As, and storytellings with his family. He’s bubbly and cheerful like his mother but sometimes it comes off like his dad’s personality. Just like Ned, Joey loves cats and rescued one which he named Littles because of how tiny she is. He is compiling stories that his dad and mom told about their relationship and hopes to write a book about it.

Jack Ryerson: Third Ryerson kid and 13, he is the trouble-maker of the family. He gets in trouble so much, Ned contemplates whether Jack is actually his son or Phil’s. The principal even has a stamp of his signature that has only been used to sign Jack’s detention slips. Though despite his misadventures he does care for his family especially his dad and little sister and will protect them. Jack likes his video games and his zombie movies but hides from his dad that he likes Star Trek (he doesn’t want to be seen dressed up with his dad and watching old 60s shows). His best friend and partner in crime is his younger brother Jasper.

Jasper Ryerson: 11 years old and the fourth Ryerson kid, Jasper is the most like Ned in comparison to his other siblings. At least at home. Outside of the home, he is an introvert who listens and pays attention to situations. At home, he is an extrovert. He enjoys talking and doing activities, like baking, drawing, and playing the piano. He does on occasion like to cause trouble with Jack, especially pranks on their dad. He is very intelligent for his age (Ned says it comes from their mother) and is the only one in the family who wants to take over Ned’s insurance business once he is old enough.

Little Mary Ryerson: The youngest child at 3 years old, she is a ball of sunshine and energy and the light of Ned’s life after his wife’s passing (besides his boys. He loves them to pieces). She loves to play with her brothers and father, especially dress up. She also loves to draw and has Ned take her new masterpiece to work where he hangs it up in the office. She loves to be close to someone, whether it be sitting, standing, or laying down. Her favorite non-family member is Jeff because not only is he nice to her, he always has a stash of peppermint candy in his apron. After putting her to bed, Ned always thinks about how her mom would have been proud to have a daughter like Little Mary.

[its8simplejulesblog]

As I Write This

My laptop is on my lap and my feet are crossed on my brilliantly teal blue yoga mat. I often think about what in my right mind made me interested in ever starting yoga but I’ve found in life that there are some things that don’t need to be explained. I had an interest in pursuing it and I did, it’s as simple as that. I didn’t, however, ever think it would turn into what it has turned into today. 

When I tell you that I practice yoga what do you immediately think of? I know initially for me I thought essentially of vsco girl contortionists which, unfortunately for me, did not match my vibe. I am neither flexible nor necessarily affluent and aesthetically pleasing. In fact, I still can’t touch my toes (September 6th update: I can touch my toes now! Vsco girl here I come). I thought of entitled white women that rattled on about manifestation and things that truthfully sound like a load of garbage. However, I went in with an open mind and that’s all you must do. Your practice is entirely selfish in the best way. It is about you and only you and your metaphysical connection with yourself. 

So what does that look like? Well I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t look like a pretzel all of the time..if ever. In fact, the important part about yoga is that it is equally a connection between mind and body. It is you talking with yourself and quieting your mind and if that takes you touching your feet to your head then fine, but that’s not the case for me. Quite simply, yoga and meditation take the form of acknowledging your consciousness. There is often the misconception that you have to meditate only in utter silence sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed. That’s not true. I know people that are most appreciative out in nature, and they meditate while walking. Some mediate while playing sports or playing the guitar and laying down on a carpet. The importance is that you take the time to recognize and prioritize the thing that makes you most content. 

In the heart of my minds eye (Julia wtf..why are you speaking like this) I see yoga and meditation as voluntary gratitude. This is something that I really came to define as my personal practice. This is why I enjoy and look forward to yoga and it has absolutely nothing to do with whether I can touch my toes or not. As my own personal definition, I recognize yoga as experiencing and accepting the world exactly as it is and this often begins with the metaphysical, rather than the physical. 

In everything that we do, we can direct our thoughts. Whether you currently think so or not, your body will never feel good if you don’t mentally feel good. I know a lot of people that use the excuse/ example of saying, “well when you get sick your body deteriorates and because your body deteriorates you have to stay inside and because you have to stay inside you can get sad and depressed.” To which I would argue that never in a thousand years would I say that being sick in and of itself causes me to be more sad than I already might have been. If anything, it just highlights whatever negativity was already there. 

Our bodies are representations of the internal, not the other way around. I believe this is why I find psychology and sociology so intriguing, and are frustrated when it is refuted and defined as a “fake science.” In my eyes, empirical science is only half of the story. I know that while data is important (I DO always gush about statistics after all) inquisitive research means even more. In our minds we are all different. We experience the exact same situation differently, we react to them differently, this is something that could never be empirically explained and to that I revere the scientists that are denied credibility solely because they cannot produce equations on paper. 

If you’re a close friend of mine you’d know that I’ve been struggling with my self worth recently. This manifests itself in my constant requests for confirmation that my friends are not bored of me and that I’m still interesting and worthwhile. This feeling is like a groundhog because as quickly and passionately as it pops up it will go away and I continue with my life, but that’s the thing about the subconscious, it doesn’t “go away”. When Punxsutawney Phil announces the coming of the next season he doesn’t just pop underground and cease to exist. Every single thing that we worry about is housed in ego and as our egos like to title themselves our “identity” you can’t shut that up and suddenly become a shell of a (wo)man. 

For that very reason, I’ve come to adore the job that I do as a social policy research assistant. At it’s very core is the act of interviewing those that you would never even THINK you had anything in common with. The project I’m currently working with is with the elderly and disabled, two things I’d pretty confidently claim I am not. And yet, constantly their words set of alarms in my mind. Not a warning bell, not a “get the hell out of there it’s going to suck to be old” bell either, but moreso, a glimpse into all that life has to offer in the most inspirational way. 

Yesterday I was speaking to the kindest woman I have ever spoken to. She was orphaned at 17 and her mother had died of cancer and she had been suffering from a disability to the point where she is currently homebound at the age of 57. Was this disheartening Yes, but what did we talk about? We talked about the fact that she had multicolored crystal prisms all over her house. We talked about the fact that whenever she was depressed she reminded herself that everything she was feeling was temporary and she would see color again soon. We talked about how because of all the things she had been through she developed a passion for service through the mother of her ex-boyfriend who took her in and forced her to carry on. We talked about how she was proud of me and thought I was perfect for this inquisitive role (remember I have never met this woman) and should continue on being curious and kind as I have so much life ahead of me. This is what meditation is all about. You don’t have to sit in silence, but rather reflect on what the world around you means. 

She told me she wanted to give me a prism :) 

I mediate through reading. My entire LIFE books have been healing for me. I have found that I look forward to being in my own head and learning constantly learning about anything and everything because every book, in its own way, is applicable to life. And its for that reason, when my dad and I walked into 2nd and Charles the other day, that I had this urge to look for “Eat, Pray, Love,” by Elizabeth Gilbert. To be truthfully honest, I had seen a tik tok about it about a week before, that was kind of like a parody for the movie trailer and for some reason it stuck with me to the point where an entire week later I was roaming the aisles for this book. 

If you didn’t know, 2nd and Charles is a second-hand book store so there is never any guarantee that something you’re looking for is there. In fact, I had been roaming for about as long as my impatient temperament could take when I turned around by accident and there it was on the tippy top of the shelf behind me. I couldn’t tell you what drove me to grab this book at this exact time in my life, but I have never been more thankful for a book in my entire life. 

Elizabeth Gilbert simultaneously writes like God and your older sister. Her language is divine and it rocks you from the very essence of your soul but she’ll also talk about how much sex she’s had and how bloated she was after eating more pasta than anyone should ever eat and how she didn’t give a fuck. And, I don’t do this often, but I found myself repeatedly stopping to type quotes in a note on my phone. If you haven’t yet heard of it (I’d be surprised) but “Eat, Pray, Love” is about a woman in her mid thirties who lived the ideal life in New York but ended up going through a nasty divorce with her husband and went through a complicated affair after the fact. 

I think that a lot of people misjudge this book as being equivalent to a rom-com like cringey love affair of superfluous nonsense and un relatable emotional sentiments. That couldn’t be further from the truth. This book was raw. She is often sobbing on her bathroom floor or crushed with suicidal depression. She is infinitely lonely and feels so small and it is nothing short of a mirror into all of our lives at some point. She goes to the countries to work herself out of this nightmare after a notably horrible episode on her bathroom floor where she finally admits to herself that she refuses to live her current life anymore. In Italy, India, and Indonesia she details her experiences in the pursuit of pleasure, devotion, and balance of a means of essentially finding her purpose. 

When I say pleasure, you’ll probably think of Rome and romance and sex and pretty people. Those things definitely weren’t absent in her description (Except the sex because she decided to remain celibate for the year), but her pleasure presented itself in the most genuine form. Through her appreciation and slow consumption of good food, her slow meander through Italian architecture, her sunset discussions with new friends. These are things all the more important to being content. 

I personally enjoyed her description of India the most as it brought me back to my experience with yoga and the individualized nature of the practice. Liz studied at an Ashram (a religious temple) under a guru for multiple months. It is at first torturous for her to find the the faith and courage to let herself go to some divinity that is not tangibly seen but she so acutely describes how important it is to quiet your mind to the chaos of the world. Once you do so, you really realize the lack of weight it ACTUALLY has on your life. This means that the way you perceive your situation will dramatically change the way you act and feel and treat others, something I have constantly been repeating in my other posts. Similarly, one of my favorite aspects of this section is her description of religion not as a border of political and historical idol complexes of rules and punishments, but a thin golden thread woven together with hundreds of other thought processes to form a spiritual connection between self and the divine. 

In Indonesia she balances the two through helping others. I won’t go too much into detail but everything is so perfectly combined. So much so that I have tenfold more a desire to go to these three places than anywhere I might have mentioned before in my discussions of travel now. 

In reading her words, she mad me cry and compose myself only to cry even more. That’s the beauty of a book that is so well renown, yet applies to every reader’s individual experience. I felt like she was addressing me directly. I really felt like someone or something was speaking through her directly to Julia Larock and I have read plenty of books and have never once felt like that. Specifically, here are a few quotes that really punched me in the face: 

“There are only two questions that human beings have fought over, all through history: How much do you love me? and Who is in charge?” 

“Vipassana meditation teaches that grief and nuisance are inevitable in this life, but if you can plant yourself in stillness long enough, you will, in time, experience the truth that everything (both uncomfortable and lovely) will pass”

“How do the survivors of terminated relationships ever endure the pain of unfinished business? From that place of meditation, I found the answer- you can finish it yourself, from within yourself. It’s not only possible, it’s essential”

And so as I finished inhaling her words after hours and hours of reading today I decided to try a new kind of yoga. Not that I had been doing it incorrectly before, but I wanted to focus my meditation more on gratitude. So I rolled out my mat and put on my meditation music playlist on spotify (don’t make fun of me it’s a real thing and it will change your life) and just sat. I originally tried to close my eyes, but that actually distracted me more so I kept them open (that’s the thing about meditation, you just do whatever works for you) And this time I actually let my mind wander, but only to a positive place. A place of thankfulness and peace. A place where every negative aspect of my life still existed, and I let it enter my mind, but it never once turned into the chaotic anger that it once was, the shame was there but I controlled it, the hurt arrived but it was nothing compared to what else I saw. 

I saw Ryan giving me the longest hug of my life while I sobbed in the West Chester parking lot, I saw my mom stroking my hair while I sat on her lap and told her about my day, I saw my brother and I playing rock band and taking it way too seriously, I saw my Disney roommates and I celebrating Christmas together, I saw Steven and I discussing how similar we are, I saw myself walking hand and hand with some of the young children I met on the dirt roads after church in the Dominican Republic, I saw Lauren and Steph and I screaming when we saw each other in the Longwood parking lot, I saw walking on the boardwalk with Lauren and Amanda scaring me from behind, I saw myself playing golf with Graham and Cameron, I saw myself having photoshoots with Jaelyn, I saw myself handing out drinks to Brewed customers that wanted nothing more than to tell me their entire life stories, I saw all my robotics friends supporting each other at competitions, I saw all of my fellow TFA interns drunk at our staff social (oops ;) hehe ) I saw my dad telling me he was proud of me, I saw Zach taking care of me even though we just met, I saw the hoards and hoards of kids in China writing me love letters and calling me a Disney princess, I saw the zoo in Australia where we took little Ethan for the first time, I saw Eloise telling me she was pregnant and I could be an aunt to her daughter, I saw my cousin Genevieve telling me that she wanted me to come to Cape Charles with her family because “whenever you’re with us the vibes are good.” 

And I literally just sat there and cried. 

Maybe it would have been a little bit eerie if anyone walked into my room, but it was a silent cry. I wasn’t sobbing or dramatic or weepy, there were just tears, because there was so many thoughts flashing in my mind and I probably only sat there for 15 minutes. And towards the end, over top of it all, I kept hearing the words “I’m speaking to you.” It was kind of like a mantra because I heard it in my own voice, but it wasn’t necessarily coming from just me. It was like in my own voice I hear, “I’m speaking to you, I believe you, this love that you see in these memories, hold onto that because this is all I want for you.” 

And that’s all I want for me too, and for everyone really. Because at the end of the day when we better ourselves we better everyone. 

When I finally dragged myself off the mat I picked up my phone for the first time in a few hours today. There was a text there from Casey, who is the youth group pastor with the group I used to be apart of at UD. He told me that he was thinking of facilitating a mental health support group this fall and he wanted me to advocate for it and be a part of spreading the word about it because I’ve been blessed with so many connections. What a situationally ironic time for a text like that, after just sitting in gratitude for those in my life. I told him that I’d absolutely love to be a part of that and now here I am, writing this. 

I’m not going to try to be disgusting and poetic and say that my life is changed and nothing will ever be the same. I’m positive I’ll still get upset and angry about the same things in my life. The difference though is that I don’t see that as an impenetrable barrier, but more like a hurdle where all you need to do is put some pressure on yourself to get yourself in the air. 

And once I’m in the air I’ll bring out the prism that was just given to me and it’ll create color. 

[pcwpolwrestling]

2/9/19-D.C. Armory Supershow Recap

THIS WEEK ON EXTREME POLITICAL TV:-PCW at the 2/9 D.C. Armory Supershow -Highlights from CEO Donald Trump’s State of the (Political) Universe Speech-Green New Deal? -Replay of the PCW 14 Year Match commercial -PCW Tag Team Title Match: Island of Misfit Wrestlers vs. The Dork Dynasty -‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism defends the PCW Title -‘One of Our Own’ Ray McAvay defends the Political Universe Title

LAST WEEK ON EXTREME POLITICAL TV-Samantha Bee gets full frontal with a steel folding chair from PCW Owner Dawn McGill after showing up at ringside.

-Payback to the Polar Vortex of Doom…even Phil…from Punxsutawney gets into the act.

-Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz visits to talk about his possible 2020 bid to become the next CEO.

-A timely reminder that Drama in Des Moines 2020 is one year away.

-Average Joe defeats Billy Zaine in a match of Titanic proportion.

-The SEC finally implodes. Jill Berg returns and poaches Kirk Walstreit and P.M.C. Banks to Jill Berg Enterprises.

-Jack Fraiser defeat SNAFU to become the new PCW Title #1 Contender.

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

Extreme Political TV D.C. Armory Supershow Taped Saturday February 9th, 2019 Host: Johnny Suave Washington D.C.

The camera pans all over the D.C. Armory as PCW is on the air! Fireworks go off. Spotlights move back and forth through the crowd.

Cut to ringside where ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave stands.

Johnny Suave: Hello everyone and welcome to Political Championship Wrestling!

Two small sections of the crowd stand and shout out “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

Close up on one section of fans: it’s Political Universe Champion ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay and his Les Miserables whooping it up in the Les Miserables section.

Johnny Suave: We are at the D.C. Armory tonight where a capacity crowd of near ten thousand are here to see the Political Universe Supershow featuring the Red Brand, Blue Brand, and PCW!

Suave rolls through the matches being shown tonight…

PCW Tag Team Title Match: Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb © vs. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis

PCW Title Match:‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism © vs. Jack Fraiser

Political Universe Title Match:‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay © (Independent/PCW) vs. ‘Charlie Wrestling’ Charlie Blackwell (American Patriots/Sports Entertainment Corporation)

Johnny Suave: We’ll also have highlights from CEO Donald Trump’s state of the Political Universe speech last Tuesday night. But first, I’ve just been handed a note and there seems to be something up backstage.

BACKSTAGE PCW Owner Dawn McGill and PWR Red and Blue Brand consultant ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann confer.

McMann half-apologetically tells McGill that he’s triggered the release clause in Weapons of Mass Destruction’s contract because the PWR Red Brand want them.

Mr. McMann: I sure hate to leave you in the lurch like this…

Dawn McGill (pseudo-sarcastically): I’m sure you do.

Mr. McMann: …I know this will leave you in a bind for the first match of the night.

Dawn McGill: No…no. That’s fine.

Mr. McMann: I can’t help the fact the Red Brand really, really wants WMD.

Dawn McGill: I’ve got it under control.

Cut back to Suave at the broadcast table.

Suave wonders what McGill has in mind. We’ll find out soon enough but first, he introduces video highlights from CEO Donald Trump’s State of the Political Universe speech.

VIDEO: ‘State of the Political Universe Speech’

Donald Trump: We have created more jobs for professional wrestlers, particularly those who are considered to be in the middle class of the wrestling world with the return of the PCW Heartland – slash – PCW shows and opened up more towns for our shows in the process.

The American Patriots and the independents stand and cheer. The Progressive Alliance do not.

A reaction from the right, Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins- country club golf pro. His son Pete wrestles later on in the night for the PWR Red Brand Title.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: I find this talk of the Middle Class very vulgar. We should be focusing like lasers on the plight of our corporations and investor class.

Johnny Suave: And there’s the American Patriot establishment revealing their true character. They care about themselves and their social status and nothing else.

Steve ‘The Elk’ Elkins: Pish-posh.

…

Donald Trump: Even with the shutdown at the end of 2018, PWR and PCW’s revenue was markedly higher across the board.

The American Patriots and the independents stand and cheer. The Progressive Alliance do not.

…

Donald Trump: And tonight, I’d like to single out the Women’s Champion…Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin. Tessa is here tonight and on behalf of the Political Universe, I’d like to thank her for her years of dedication to not just PCW but women’s wrestling in general.

Close up of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Confused, she and the other new women on the Executive Committee half stand up…half sit down…not sure if they should stand up or not.

…

Donald Trump: More people are going to PWR and PCW shows than ever before…

The American Patriots and the independents stand and cheer. The Progressive Alliance do not.

Donald Trump: …especially women.

Close up of Ocasio-Cortez. Again, she and the other new women on the Executive Committee half stand up…half sit down…not sure if they should stand up or not. So they kind of stand up.

Donald Trump (smiling and pointing at them): You weren’t supposed to do that. But don’t sit down yet. There’s more good news. I’m proud to announce there’s more women on the Executive Committee than ever before.

Ocasio-Cortez and the rest of the new women jump up and applaud. There’s even a chant of “USA!…USA!…”

Close up of Nancy Pelosi. She shakes her head and sinks back in her seat.

Johnny Suave: So let me get this straight, more jobs, more income for ordinary pro wrestlers trying to make a living. Meh. More people coming to shows which generates even more jobs and even more income for the wrestlers. Meh. Ocasio-Cortez and the other women on the Executive Committee celebrating themselves? WOO-HOO! And speaking of Nancy Pelosi…

The camera focuses in on Pelosi at the beginning of the speech. She’s feisty at the outset, thinking that she showed Trump by making him wait a week to give the speech following the shutdown saga.

Twenty minutes in. Pelosi starts to nervously read through the speech.

Forty minutes in. Pelosi gnaws at her lips. This isn’t going the way she’d envisioned.

Sixty minutes in. She begins to twitch uncontrollably. Definitely not what she thought would happen.

Eighty minutes in. *THUMP*

She falls out of her seat. Then a hand appears.

Nancy Pelosi (off-camera): I’m okay…

REACTIONJohnny Suave: So let’s bring in the usual suspects with their usual narrative…the reaction of the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves.

‘Low Level Reporter at the New York Times Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Colleen Crowder:Trump’s call for unity falls flat when he and others won’t give in to the Progressive Alliance’s point of view!

‘Low Level Reporter at CNN Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Sharon Johns:I can’t believe there were some Progressive Alliance members chanting ‘USA…USA!’ What the hell?

‘Low Level Reporter at the Washington Post Trying to Make a Name for Himself’ Dan Miller:Democracy dims in the darkness of dying…no…um…democracy dies in the dimness of dark…no…wait…

Johnny Suave: Three quarters of the people who heard the speech gave it positive marks. Even on places like CNN and CBS. Stick that in your narrative.

Crowder, Miller, and Johns all begin to cough…

Colleen Crowder (coughing): …that’s different…

Dan Miller (also coughing): …more American Patriots watched the speech…

Sharon Johns (also also coughing): …yeah, what he said…

Colleen Crowder (coughing): …let’s move on…

Dan Miller (coughing): …move on…

Sharon Johns (coughing): …yes…move on…

GREEN NEW DEALSuave moves on to the Green World Order coming out strongly in favor of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal which includes proposals to ban cows (they produce too much methane) and air travel and airports.

VIDEO: GWO Concerns

Peta from PETA expresses concerns about banning cows.

Peta from PETA: Cows are people too, you know?

Johnny Suave: Apparently they fart too much.

There’s a brief discussion before the GWO unanimously endorses Ocasio-Cortez’s plan. Even potential 2020 CEO candidates Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Cory Booker and Kirsten Gillibrand have co-sponsored the plan.

Johnny Suave: Who else would be watching CNN if there’s no airports. On second thought, I guess it’s not a total washout of a plan then.

He’s quickly confronted by Sharon Johns.

‘Low Level Reporter at CNN Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Sharon Johns: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Johnny Suave: No.

‘Low Level Reporter at CNN Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ Sharon Johns: YOU TAKE THAT BACK! WE ARE NEWS! WE ARE NOT FAKE NEWS!…

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

=======================

Back from the break, Suave says we’re about to find out what Dawn McGill plans to do with the PCW Tag Team title match as it’s time for the first match of the night.

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis vs. ??

Johnny Suave: Now as everyone knows, if it’s a Rah match then you know you get the full entrance. But what you don’t usually get is the pre-entrance look in. Apparently, Halitosis came to the ring loaded up for bear tonight.

VIDEO: Backstage

Cutting backstage, the camera shows various PCW personnel standing around with incredulous expressions on their faces.

Why?   Just a few minutes before, the backstage crew watched Halitosis- the Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene, mix together a lethal combination of the world’s most stenchiest cheeses, onions, garlic, jalapenos, green peppers, banana peppers, and curry powder in a blender and poured the mixture into a large, lead lined metal drink container.

As green vapors permeate from underneath the lid, Halitosis’s manager, Regina McGill, stands as far away as she can on the other side of the room.

Johnny Suave: Well, as we’re about to see, it was not a good night to be downwind from Halitosis.

VIDEO: Island of Misfit Wrestler Entrance

After the Misfit’s manager Regina McGill walks down, a lucha wrestler saunters out on the ramp dressed in all black with a giant ‘H’ on the front of his shirt. There’s also a greenish haze emitting from his mouth.

‘The Luchador with Insanely Poor Oral Hygiene’ HalitosisAGE: 30 HT: 6’ 0” WT: 195 / HOME: Chattanooga, TN FIN: Imploding Senton BombMGR: Regina McGill

Halitosis pumps his first in the air and then starts down the ramp towards the ring.  He slap people’s hands along the way and then says hello to a young fan in the front row- the fan promptly collapses when he get a whiff of his breath and the one behind him in the second row passes out.

Halitosis then moves on to the next one.  He says hello.  The fan gets a blast of his breath and falls to the ground…the fans in the second and third row also disappear.

He continues on to greet the fans along the way- oblivious to the carnage he leaves behind.

Halitosis reaches the ring area and continues to greet people around the front row.  Again, they all pass out once they get downwind of his breath and soon, the scene looks like a set of dominos falling over as she goes around the perimeter.  He climbs up on the ring apron and leaps over the top rope into the ring.

He goes to shake Kimber’s hand but the ring announcer bolts for the other side of the ring and tries to keep a safe distance away.  Shrugging his shoulders, Halitosis looks out over the ropes and raises his arms in the air.

Johnny Suave: Those poor people never had a chance. They never knew what hit them.

VIDEO: Entrance

Rah!: The Sunshine God (Island of Misfit Wrestlers)- Motivational speaker by day.  Pseudo inspirational deity complete with eclectic entourage by night.  AGE: 36 / HT: 6’ 8” WT: 295 HOME: San Diego, CA FIN: Eye of RAHHHHHHH!Rah’s Followers: Happy Mango, Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, The BronzeBeach Suntan Bikini Girls

She’s interrupted by a man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie who’s just climbed into the ring. He elbows Kimber out of the way and gestures for her to take a temporary powder because he’s the one who’s been given the honor and privilege of introducing a living deity.

Announcer Guy: Hit it.

Over the loudspeaker, a buzzing synth sound blares and the announcer guy raises the microphone to his mouth.

Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 33 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.

He pauses and looks out at the crowd as the lights turn off.  A small spotlight illuminates the ramp where the BeachBronze Suntan Bikini Girls are standing.

The bikini girls pose on the ramp.  Then two large, hulking men carry out a golden sedan chair holding a six foot eight inch, two hundred and eighty pound man dressed in long flowing robes inside.

Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the reason for the invention of sunglasses because your face would melt like in Raiders of the Lost Ark if you gazed upon him…the reason it’s eighty degrees outside and not minus four hundred and fifty-nine point six seven…and the reason Brian Wilson wrote all those great songs…

Rah’s friend and middle-aged folk singer Happy Mango follows strumming a guitar along with the omnipresent Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy.

Announcer Guy: …ladies and gentlemen…bow down before the Sunshine God…

McGill breaks character and rolls her eyes at Rah’s overly elaborate entrance.

Announcer Guy: …RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

==

Johnny Suave: So Dawn McGill came out next to personally make the announcement to the fans.

Dawn McGill tells the D.C. Armory that Weapons of Mass Destruction signed on with the Red Brand and as a result have vacated the PCW Tag Team Title.

Dawn McGill: So tonight, we will crown a NEW PCW Tag Team title. The Island of Misfit Wrestlers are the number one contenders. They will face the number TWO contenders- please welcome the DORK DYNASTY!

*’Big Bang Theory Theme’- Barenaked Ladies*

Leonard Robertson (Dork Dynasty) – Nerdy master’s students and duck call, decoy fabricators.AGE: 36 / HT: 5′ 10″ WT: 180 / HOME: Pasadena, CA FIN: Big Bang death-BlastValet: Penny

Sheldon Robertson (Dork Dynasty) – Nerdy master’s students and duck call, decoy fabricators. AGE: 32 / HT: 6′ 4″ WT: 195 / HOME: Pasadena, CA FIN: Big Bang death-BlastValet: Amy

Penny and Amy lead the way as Leonard and Sheldon walk towards the ring.

Leonard has a bushy long beard and green and black military khakis on. Sheldon has a neatly trimmed long beard with green and black military khakis. Penny is dressed in heels and a black overcoat. Amy has a frumpy flowery dress on.

==

Johnny Suave: It’s been no secret that the Dork Dynasty have come out and made it clear that this is their final season in PCW. It’s also no secret that the Dork’s have bickered back and forth between themselves of late. Sheldon Robertson is very passionate about scientific wrestling…almost fanatical. Leonard’s a little bit more laid back about it. And sometimes they argue. Would both Leonard and Sheldon keep their focus on the match or would the disorder cost them dearly in the end? Let’s find out.

VIDEO: Dork Dynasty © vs. Island of Misfit Wrestlers

…Leonard’s trapped in the corner with Halitosis pressing the advantage and looking to unleash his lethal breath. In a fit of desperation, Leonard rakes Halitosis’s eyes and books it out of the ring.

Once he’s out, Sheldon comes over and reads him the riot act over taking ‘shortcuts.’

Sheldon Robertson: WE are scientific wrestlers. WE do not resort to taking the easy way.

Leonard Robertson: I was trapped and did you see what he put in his mouth before the match? He took out the lower section of the arena all by himself!

Sheldon’s unmoved and referee Brent Payson isn’t either.

==

Johnny Suave: Late in the match, the Dorks began to argue again amongst themselves and this time it cost them dearly.

VIDEO: Dork Dynasty © vs. Island of Misfit Wrestlers

…once again, Leonard and Sheldon are debating wrestling methods in their corner. This time, Halitosis crept up to Leonard and spun him around. He unloads his breath on Leonard and he wilts like a flower. But, he manages to tag Sheldon in as he flops to the mat.

…

Rah has Sheldon set for the Eye of Rahhhh. Sheldon flails away in vain to get away. Rah lifts and slams him to the mat. Cover…one…two…three…NEW CHAMPIONS!

WINNER AND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Island of Misfit Wrestlers @ 8:06

Johnny Suave: In a match that didn’t last as long as the entrances did, Rah and Halitosis defeat the Dorks and become the new PCW Tag Team Champions. Here’s the Misfits being awards the belts.

VIDEO: Post-Match

…Referee Brent Payson hands Rah the belt.   Rah raises it in the air. Then Payson hands Halitosis the belt.

Halitosis: Thank you!

And Payson immediately collapses to the mat.

Halitosis: Oh…

Payson claws at his throat after getting a direct whiff of his breath.

Halitosis: oops.

Johnny Suave: I hate it when that happens. The PCW Title match coming up right after this.

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

PCW RANKINGS

PCW Title Champion: The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism #1 Contender: Jack Fraiser #2 Contender: SNAFU #3 Contender: ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver of the SEC #4 Contender: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott

PCW Tag Team Title Champion: Island of Misfit Wrestlers: Rah and Halitosis #1 Contender: The Dork Dynasty: Leonard and Sheldon Robertson #2 Contender: The Beer Bellied Softball Playing Ninja: Hank and Tiny #3 Contender: Truckin’ Average Company: Ken Worth-American Trucker and Brad Company #4 Contender: Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice

=======================

Cut back to Suave at the broadcast desk.

Johnny Suave: Two weeks ago, PCW Champion ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism defeated his arch-rival ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance in a Hollywood Grudge match on Extreme Political TV. Tonight, he faced the up and coming Jack Fraiser, backed by his Oootlander Blaire Rendell at the D.C. Armory Supershow. How did it go?

[It’s 1946 in the Scottish Highlands.

On the hill of Irish na Dun, British nurse Blaire Rendell hears the tell-tale buzzing sound as she approaches the standing stones. This makes her very happy.]

Blaire Rendell (Scottish accent): Soon, I’ll be back with my true love Jamie and I will be truly happy once again in eighteen century Scotland.

[Blaire goes to the standing stones where the buzzing sound gets louder and louder. Soon she faints and falls to the ground. When she wakes up…]

Blaire nearly jumps in the air when she encounters a man dressed in heavy plaid lumberjack shirt, a warm coat, and a tuque.

Blaire Rendell: Wh-who the hell are you?   And where the hell am I?

Jack Fraiser: My name is Jack Fraiser. You are in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada.

Blaire Rendell: Saskatoon…Saskatchewan Canada? That can’t be true. I’m supposed to be in Scotland.

A hockey puck comes flying by just barely missing both of them.

Blaire Rendell: What the *BLEEP*!

Jack Fraiser: Nope. This is definitely Canada.

Kimber finishes the introduction.

Jack Fraiser HT: 6”3” WT: 205 / HOME: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan FIN: Canadian National RailawayValet: ‘Oootlander’ Blaire Rendell

*‘No Smoke Without a Fire’ – Bad Company*

Kimber brings out the PCW champion.

‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism– former PCW Champion and 2 time PCW Television ChampionHT: 6′ 2″ WT: 225 / HOME: Hollywood, CA / FIN:  Anti-Hollywood Blockbuster

Chism holds up the PCW belt as he walks towards the ring.

PCW TITLE MATCH: Stone Chism © vs. Jack Fraiser

Johnny Suave: This match saw Jack Fraiser come out and try to force the action with the champion.

VIDEO: Stone Chism vs. Jack Fraiser

Jack Fraiser rushes forward towards Stone…Stone sticks his leg through the ropes and the referee steps in between.

Johnny Suave: The experienced champion used pretty much every trick in the book to set the inexperienced Fraiser off. And he succeeded.

VIDEO: Stone Chism vs. Jack Fraiser

Fraiser charges in. Stone drops him with a drop toehold…rolls on top of Fraiser and slaps on the inverted surfboard. Jack Fraiser desperately grabs on to the middle rope to force the break.

The referee makes the break. Fraiser goes to the outside and slams his hands on the ring apron. His Oootlander Blaire Rendell tries to calm him down.

Johnny Suave: And so it went throughout the match. Stone Chism looked sensational in the ring. He was composed. He was controlled. He never let Jack Fraiser get under his skin and used his opponent’s hyper aggression against him brilliantly. That said, Jack Fraiser was fascinating to watch. He wrestled with almost a feral desperation about him. He understood the opportunity she had. He badly wanted to win the match. And he had a chance. Fraiser had an opening late and could have pulled off the win.

VIDEO: Stone Chism vs. Jack Fraiser

…Stone slumps on the chair outside the ring. Jack Fraiser takes off on a dead sprint around the ring. She returns and launches himself at Stone.

Stone dives out of the way at the last possible second and Fraiser bowls into the chair and tumbles into the steel guardrail…

…

Seconds later, Chism lifts Fraiser up in the air vertically and drives him down to the mat.

Johnny Suave: And that is the Anti-Hollywood Blockbuster and that was the end of Jack Fraiser.

WINNER AND STILL PCW CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 12:47

VIDEO: Post-Match

Stone is in the middle of the ring and holds up the PCW title. A red blur hits the ring and shoulder blocks the champion. The belt goes flying through the air. Stone goes tumbling down to the mat halfway across the ring.

Close up- It’s ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels.

Daniels pulls Stone up…lifts him up into a vertical position…and hits the (real) Hollywood Blockbuster on the PCW Champion.

Johnny Suave: Chism’s long time arch-enemy Kevin Daniels ran in after the match and attacked the PCW champion to stick up once again for the honor of Big Hollywood. Daniels beat down Chism until help arrived from the most unlikely of people.

VIDEO: Post-Match

Stone’s splayed out on the mat. Daniels picks up the PCW belt and looks at it. He’s about to put the belt over Stone when another figure races in behind him. He spins Daniels around, kick to the gut…DDT!

Close up: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott!

Scott stands over the fallen Daniels and the PCW champion Stone Chism.

Johnny Suave: So if you’re keeping score at home: Stone Chism retains the title, Kevin Daniels gets a little payback, but Kevin Scott makes the statement.

=======================

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

What happens when you put the nation’s top political personalities- past and present – in the same room for a celebration?

PCW Owner Dawn McGill stands behind a podium with a sign in front that reads “PCW 14 years.”

Dawn McGill: Welcome to the fourteenth year of Political Championship Wrestling.

The camera pans around the hall at the politicos from both sides – all whom played major roles in PCW over the past fourteen years – as they applaud.

‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove

There’s ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove who claps his hands and then points to his temple to make sure everyone knows he’s a *BLEEP*-ing genius.

The Clinton Political Pitbulls (James Carville, Terry McAuliffe, and Sidney Blumenthal).

Sarah Palin

’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (AK-American Patriots).

Rahm Emanuel aka…Rahm-bo

Rahm Emanuel- he’s about the drop an F-Bomb but realizes he’s on camera- so he doesn’t.

‘Screamin’ Howard Dean (VT-Progressive Alliance)…

Howard Dean: YEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

…who’s sitting uncomfortably close to one Alan Simpson (WY-American Patriots)…

Alan Simpson

Alan Simpson: STOP YELLING IN MY *BLEEP*-DAMN EAR!

…Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots) stands and claps…

Mitch McConnell: Spending obscene amounts of cash in order to gain influence with our leaders is a First Amendment right!

…Nancy Pelosi (CA-Progressive Alliance). She hides behind of wall of bodyguards. Get it? Hiding behind a wall. A wall of bodyguards?

Back to McGill up front.

Dawn McGill: Let’s now welcome the living former PCW CEO’s. First, Jimmy Carter.

John Denver’s ‘Thank God I’m a Country Boy’ heralds the entrance of 94 year old Jimmy Carter (GA-Progressive Alliance) as he’s wheeled into the hall.

Dawn McGill: Bill Clinton.

Clinton (AR-Progressive Alliance) strides out as a video plays of an old episode of ‘Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub’ plays…

VIDEO: Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub – November 2nd, 2010 episode of Extreme Political TV

Bill Clinton glumly sits in his hot tub…alone and flanked by two Secret Service men.  Off to the side of the hot tub lies a ladybug costume that he had brought anticipating that Christine O’Donnell was going to be his guest on the show.

Bill Clinton: I don’t know what else I could have done.  I even brought her a ladybug costume just so she’ll feel comfortable.   *sigh*

Secret Service Agent 1: I don’t think Miss O’Donnell is coming sir.

Bill Clinton: This makes me profoundly sad.  (bites lip)  I feel my pain.

Lady’s voice: WAIT!  WAIT!

It’s former White House Correspondent Helen Thomas.

Helen Thomas: I’ll guest on your show!

Bill Clinton’s face melts in horror when Thomas whips off her robe in front of him.

Bill Clinton: Oh…my….God…

Thomas jumps into the hot tub with him.

Bill Clinton: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dawn McGill: George W. Bush.

Dawn watches as George W. Bush’s (TX-American Patriots) perpetually off-key mariachi band leads former CEO George W. Bush to the ring with another horribly played, but rousing, rendition of “Hail to the Chief.”

Dawn’s face contorts and cringes every time the off-key mariachi band hits a particularly sour note.

Dawn McGill: Barack Obama.

*flute and clarinet flourish*

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building.  Former PCW CEO Barack Obama (IL-Progressive Alliance) appears with his former Aide de Camp Joe ‘the Big F-ing Deal’  Biden (DE-Progressive Alliance) by his side.

Dawn McGill: And our current CEO, Donald Trump.

*”Imperial March” – Star Wars*

PCW CEO Donald Trump

PCW CEO Donald Trump (NY-American Patriots) comes out on stage.

The supporters chant “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” which merges with the melody of the Imperial March and becomes:

♫ TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP♫

♫ TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP♫

After Trump sits down at the dias with the rest of the other former CEO’s, McGill continues.

Dawn McGill: Tonight is not about politics as usual.

As she speaks, the caterers roll out a huge cake.

Dawn McGill: Tonight is about celebrating what we have in common and what binds us together.

Close up to the item sitting on top of said cake- it’s a giant briefcase with money overflowing from inside of it.

Dawn McGill: It’s about…all of us…

As the caterers situate where the cake is to go, one of them bumps into the cart. The giant briefcase starts to sway back and forth.

Dawn McGill: …It’s about the people…

Finally, the briefcase slides off the top and falls towards the floor.

Close up- Mitch McConnell. His eyes light up and drool forms on the edge of his mouth.

Dawn McGill: …because we may have our differences…

The briefcase hits the floor and opens up. There’s a lot of cash inside and some of it spills out onto the floor.

Close up- Bill Clinton.

Bill Clinton: Ohhhh baby.

Everyone looks around at each other.

Dawn McGill: …in the end, we all share a common thread that brings us all together…

Silence…several seconds of silence.

Bill Clinton’s gaze meets up with James Carville. Clinton nods and winks. Carville smiles and then…

ALL: MONEYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

At once, Carville and everyone else shoot up from their chairs and dives towards the open briefcase. McConnell jumps in. Pelosi’s ‘wall’ of bodyguards barge in and try to plow a path to the cash.

Also wading in: John Boehner (OH-American Patriots), Harry Reid (NV-Progressive Alliance), and Paul Ryan (WI-American Patriots) and people from both sides of the aisle attempt to burrow their way through the pile of humanity.

Rahm Emanuel (IL-Progressive Alliance) runs down and starts dropping people left and right with F-Bombs.

Close up of Jimmy Carter’s reaction to the scramble for cash: disappointment and disgust.

Unidentifiable person in the middle of the scrum: OWWWWW! HE’S BITING! HE’S BITING!

Close up- it’s James Carville.

Close up of George W. Bush’s reaction: whimsical smile.

W taps Clinton on the shoulder.

George W. Bush: Not a whole lot of stra-tee-ger-ree goin’ on here.

Bill Clinton: Nope.

Another unidentifiable person in the middle of the scrum: OWWWWW! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!

Close up- it’s ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin. She’s not biting though. She’s using a power drill to get to the bottom of the pile.

Sarah Palin: DRILL BABY DRILL!

Another unidentifiable person in the middle of the scrum: AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!

Close up of Barack Obama’s reaction: rising above the fray.

Barack Obama: *I* would not do that.

Obama turns to Biden.

Barack Obama: But *I* also know you’re just itching for a fight.

Joe Biden: You know it.

Barack Obama: Go for it.

Biden leaps over the table and literally cannonballs into the pile of humanity.

A third unidentifiable person in the middle of the scrum: OWWW! DAMMIT! WHO KEEPS BITING?

Close up- it’s Alan Simpson- Simpson’s not after the money, he’s just being his usual irascible and ornery self.

W leans in towards Bill Clinton.

George W. Bush: Where’s Hillary?

Close up of the pile. Two legs wearing white pants stick out of the huge pile.

George W. Bush: Oh. Never mind.

Trump shakes his head.

Close up- Dawn McGill at the podium. She rolls her eyes and takes a sip from her drink.

McGill’s POV: both sides scratch, claw, gouge, use steel folding chairs, regular chairs, and anything else that can be used as a weapon- all to get at the cash in the briefcase.

Yet another undentifiable person somewhere in the middle of the scrum: BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU’RE PUTTING THAT DRILL, SARAH!

=======================

Back from break…

A COMPLAINTSuave said there was a little of everything last night.  Some guy even came to the ring to lodge a complaint.

VIDEO: The Complaint

Blue State Elitist Charles Robinson-Richards Esq. comes out to complain that an ‘independent’ holds the Political Universe title. His rationale?

Charles Robinson-Richards, Esq.: There are two main factions in the Political Universe- the Progressive Alliance and the American Patriots. In the real world, there are only two parties that matter. In the Political Universe, it should be the same.

Robinson-Richards adds McAvay holding the title takes away a spot that rightfully belongs to one of the two main factions.

Charles Robinson-Richards, Esq.: If you want to add a minor faction wrestler in a three way match, I guess that would be proper.

Johnny Suave: I’ve never agreed with the concept that my vote is owed to a Republican or Democrat nor do I agree with Robinson-Richards that the American Patriots and Progressive Alliance are entitled to be in title matches no matter what.

Suave reviews all of the previous matches on the card leading up to the main event.

D.C. Armory Supershow Results:

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Island of Misfit Wrestlers defeat The Dork Dynasty to become the new PCW Tag Team champions

PCW TITLE MATCH:‘The One Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism © defeated Jack Fraiser

PWR RED BRAND TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit © defeated Main Street USA: Farmer John and G.I. Jake

PWR BLUE BRAND TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Union Jack Taylor and the Ultimate Social Justice Warrior © defeated the Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee

PWR BLUE BRAND TITLE MATCH:‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels defeated ‘Boston’ Bobby Dahlman to win the Blue Brand Title

PWR RED BRAND TITLE MATCH:‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ Kirk Walstreit of Jill Berg Enterprises © defeated Pete ‘The Elk, Jr.’ Elkins

POLITICAL UNIVERSE WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin © (Independent) defeated Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance)

Johnny Suave: And then it was time for the main event…the Political Universe Title match.

MAIN EVENT-POLITICAL UNIVERSE TITLE: ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay © vs. ‘Charlie Wrestling’ Charlie Blackwell

VIDEO: Ring Entrances

‘Charlie Wrestling’ Charlie BlackwellHT: 6′ 4″ WT: 215 / HOME: New Braunfels, TX FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)MGR: ‘Mouthpiece of the SEC’ Phil Finebaum and ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann

Blackwell is followed by ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, SEC mouthpiece Phil Finebaum, ‘Canadian Bad Boy’ Justin Beaver, Miley Vyrus, and Pop Songstress Taylor Switt. Switt leaves a trail of white powder behind her from her overfilled guitar.

==

Johnny Suave: Dawn McGill came out first to introduce ‘one of our own’- the Political Universe Champion Ray McAvay. And as always, McAvay came out to ‘Do You Hear the People Sing?’ from the musical Les Miserables.

VIDEO: Ring Entrances

‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvayHT: 6’-3” WT: 215 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX FIN: McGill BombValets: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy MGR: Bert the Janitor

McAvay walks out accompanied by his wife, and one half of the famed West Texas Adult Entertainment duo Dark and Stormy, Stacee (Dark) Perry. Paige ‘Stormy’ Reynolds also walks out. Bert the Janitor comes out fourth.

Also joining them, General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs.

==

Johnny Suave: With all the pre-match pageantry done, Blackwell and McAvay got down to business. Charlie bailed to the floor early on and McAvay was all too happy to follow. Blackwell also gets in some cheap shots on the floor and then rolls McAvay back in.   Blackwell shoots McAvay to the turnbuckle. A big lariat follows and Blackwell grounds the action, working a chinlock. McAvay looked to escape and hit a back elbow and chops. He goes to the ropes but McMann grabs his leg.

VIDEO: MVWA 87 MVW Men’s Title Match: Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell

…Blackwell aggressively pursues McAvay. McAvay simply stands off to the side as Blackwell flies by and rams the corner turnbuckle..

Crowd: O-LAY!

Blackwell charges again. McAvay drops to the mat and Blackwell goes over him. McAvay back to his feet. Blackwell runs towards him…McAvay again evades him.

Crowd: O-LAY!

Furious, Blackwell turns and throws wild right hands that McAvay ducks under.   Again Blackwell rushes forward…again McAvay steps asides and watches him fly by.

Crowd: O-LAY!

==

Johnny Suave: Ray McAvay followed a different script with rival Charlie Blackwell tonight. McAvay went old school…a little Muhammad Ali versus George Foreman…he went full counter punching mode for the first ten minutes of the match and Blackwell went nuts. Finally, he went for the baseball bat.

VIDEO: MVWA 87 MVW Men’s Title Match: Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell

…McAvay sees Blackwell pick the baseball bat up and goes right over to him. He grabs the bat and wrestles it away. Blackwell rakes the eyes and then hits a spinning neckbreaker.

==

Johnny Suave: This wasn’t vintage McAvay. Not by a longshot. On most nights, Charlie Blackwell would have won this match.

VIDEO: MVWA 87 MVW Men’s Title Match: Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell

…Blackwell then hits the big boot and locked in the Katahajime. BUT…

Dark and Stormy distracts referee Davey Keels by doing an impromptu striptease on the ring apron. Blackwell shouts at Keels in frustration. McMann races over to the ring apron and yells at Keels.

…Taylor Switt sneaks in to wallop McAvay in the back with her loaded guitar. But McAvay’s wife Dark climbs into the ring with the Big Bertha Driver and whacks her in the back.

Johnny Suave: Then Dark tossed McAvay the driver.

VIDEO: MVWA 87 MVW Men’s Title Match: Ray McAvay © vs. Charlie Blackwell

…Blackwell charges. McAvay brains Blackwell with the golf club and hits the McGill Bomb. McAvay covers. Keels sees the cover and makes the count. McMann goes apoplectic as McAvay retains.

WINNER AND STILL POLITICAL UNIVERSE CHAMPION: ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay @ 17:49

Johnny Suave: And that was that. Ray McAvay fends off Charlie Blackwell and remains the Political Universe champion. McAvay wasn’t at his best but the SEC threw everything they could at him and couldn’t get the job done.”

THE AMERICAN PATRIOT BOX

Quick cut to the American Patriots’ box. The Coke Brothers, financiers and mover and shaker of the American Patriots, glares towards the ring from his suite. He plucks his phone from a suit pocket and punches in a number.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE BOX

Quick cut to the Progressive Alliance box. George Moros, big money spender and mover and shaker in the Progressive Alliance, has a sour look on him face as well.

Johnny Suave: “When you get into the ring with Ray McAvay you know you’re going to get the Les Miserables and the three ring circus that comes along with them. Blackwell worked hard but it’s going to be hard for him to complain about McAvay’s outside interference when Taylor Switt interfered in the match as well. But, that wasn’t all.

VIDEO: Post Match

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: Ms. Berg. It’s time.

The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone.   The man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Also in the procession, new Jill Berg Enterprises associates P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit.

P.M.C. BanksHT: 6-0 WT: 240 / Gainesville, FL / FIN: Bank Statement

Kirk Walstreit – ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.’ HT: 6’ 2” WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY / FIN: Stock Market PlungeMGR: ‘The King of Greed’ Gordon Guyko

The crowd is rocking and a chant of “JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG! JILLLLLLLL-BERGGGGGG!” fills the arena.

Banks and Walstreit hit the ring and attack Blackwell. Berg hits a series of spinning heel kicks to take out McMann. Finebaum, and Vyrus.

After climbing into the ring, Berg gets in Blackwell’s face and lays down the law.

Jill Berg: Charlie. You had a chance. A chance to join the elite of the elite. Jill Berg Enterprises. But you turned it down. That was a mistake. You could have proven yourself worthy tonight if you would won the PCW Title- but you couldn’t get the job done. That was a bigger mistake.

Berg spins around and clocks Blackwell with the spinning heel kick.

Banks pulls Blackwell up long enough to drop him with the Bank Statement.

Walstreit drags Blackwell back up one more time to plant him with the Stock Market Plunge.

Jill Berg stands on Blackwell’s back and raises her arms post-match, oblivious to the war that suddenly erupts outside the ring.

==

Johnny Suave: But that wasn’t all. Professor McCarthy’s Flock have had a major beef with Ray McAvay dating back to Extreme Election Night 2016 and it blew up again at the D.C. Armory.

The Deep State, the Antifa, The Green World Order, The Young Jerks, Codee Pink, and Emily S. List burst through the Les Miserables and attack McAvay. The Les Miserables fight back and a good little scrap follows between both sides.

Then Dawn McGill runs down with the rest of the PCW roster and wade in and a huge brawl breaks out on the floor.

Suave wraps up the show.

Johnny Suave: …we’ve got new PCW Tag Team Champions. PCW Champion Stone Chism fends off a stiff challenge from Jack Fraiser. And Ray McAvay holds off Charlie Blackwell in the main event to retain the Political Universe title. That’s going to do it for the D.C. Armory Supershow in Washington, D.C.   I’m Johnny Suave…have a good night.

EPILOGUE

AFTER THE SHOWIt’s late. The fans have left. The wrestlers have left. PCW Owner Dawn McGill finally walks out of the D.C. Armory two and a half hours after the show ends. She gets into her rental vehicle and pulls out of the parking lot.

Dawn heads north on 19th Street SE and stops at the light at East Capitol Street NE. Traffic is light and she’s the only one stopped at the intersection.

It’s been a real good night. She navigated the tricky part of having a tag team decide the day of the show to jump to the Red Brand. The PCW title match went off well. And most important to her, Ray McAvay successfully defended the Political Universe title (finally, the name’s been decided on) against arch-rival Charlie Blackwell.

All Dawn was thinking about was a hot shower and sleep. And catching a morning flight back to Dallas to see her children.

Her mind occupied, she did not see the pair of headlights coming up fast behind her.

But she felt the impact when the vehicle slammed into the back of her car. Dawn gets pitched forward but the airbag immediately deploys and the seat belt holds firm.

Four men exit the large SUV equipped with a heavy duty front bumper that easily absorbed the collision. One man rips open the driver’s door and another one helps him pull a dazed McGill out of the car. A third man swoops in and places a strip of duct tape over her mouth. The fourth yanks her arms behind her back and zipties her wrists together.

They drag her back to the SUV and throw her into the back seat. It’s there she finds out who’s behind this.

The Coke Brothers and George Moros. Financiers of both factions.

George Moros: We all need to have a little talk here.

Then a cloth hood is placed over her head.

[filosofablogger]

This is a repeat of my 2017 Groundhog Day post.  I considered writing a new one, but after I read this one, and it even made me laugh, I figured I couldn’t come up with anything better, so why re-invent the wheel, eh?  If you remember this from last year, or the year before, or the year before … pretend you don’t and read it again, laugh again, okay?  We need to find humour these days …

“Ground Hog Day is tomorrow. We’re the only country that accepts weather predictions from a rodent, and denies climate change facts by scientists.” – Alt-NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration)

Good morning!  Today is a very special day, so I am setting aside my usual fare for this morning’s post to pay due respect and homage to none other than Pennsylvania’s own … {drumroll} … {applause} … Punxsutawney Phil!!!!  A brief summary of the legend and the history for my friends across the pond who may not know about Phil:

On this day in 1887, Groundhog Day, featuring a rodent meteorologist, is celebrated for the first time at Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. According to tradition, if a groundhog comes out of its hole on this day and sees its shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather; no shadow means an early spring.

Groundhog Day has its roots in the ancient Christian tradition of Candlemas Day, when clergy would bless and distribute candles needed for winter. The candles represented how long and cold the winter would be. Germans expanded on this concept by selecting an animal–the hedgehog–as a means of predicting weather. Once they came to America, German settlers in Pennsylvania continued the tradition, although they switched from hedgehogs to groundhogs, which were plentiful in the Keystone State.

The line of groundhogs that have since been known as Phil might be America’s most famous groundhogs, but other towns across North America now have their own weather-predicting rodents, from Birmingham Bill to Staten Island Chuck to Shubenacadie Sam in Canada.

According to the Weather Channel, the forecast in Punxsutawney is a high chance of cloudy skies, and even a chance of a flurry or two. According to the legend, this means an early spring is ahead. For the record, Punxsutawney Phil has only been accurate 39% of the time since 1887.

I used to say that Groundhog Day was my favourite holiday, mostly because it did not require a lot of effort on my part … no huge meal to cook, no presents to buy and wrap, no tree to decorate or lights to string.

I happened across a humorous piece I thought you might enjoy.  Scott Feschuk, a Canadian speechwriter, humourist and former newspaper journalist, wrote this satire piece after hearing Trump’s rather ridiculous speech on black history.  It is his take on what a speech by Trump to commemorate Groundhog Day might be like:

“Well, this is Groundhog Day, so these are just a few little notes I want to share with you. On this day, we honour the tremendous history of groundhogs throughout our country. Throughout the world, if you really think about it, right? Because that’s where groundhogs are and where they live. Here but also there. Everywhere, really, except not exactly everywhere but almost.

Mostly in the ground though, on or it, or in the vicinity – which is why we call them that. Groundhogs. Right there in the name.

They’re incredible animals and their incredible example is unique in many ways. So many unique ways that honestly there’s no point in me examining any of them in any detail. We all know. We all know bigly.

You’ve all heard about groundhogs. They are well known and people know about them. We have some good ones. We have the one from that place in Pennsylvania and we have other ones and we have the one from that golf movie with one of the Ghostbusters. There are others. Many others that we all know, and I also know them.

The groundhog from the movie Groundhog Day is an example of a groundhog who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I noticed. Big impact. But all groundhogs – big impact on the seasons and the changing of the seasons. There are several seasons and we all know what they are.

I do very well with groundhogs, by the way, not that you’d know from CNN which is fake news and disgraceful. But I do substantially better than others have done. They hear me talk about underground life—it’s horrible, life is short, you can get killed by a wolf on the way to pick up an acorn. They hear me and they love me.

The groundhog is cherished. I am very proud of the fact that people in America can learn about groundhogs, and many other things. And they can learn about their many, many accomplishments, which we celebrate on this day, which is why it is called Groundhogs Day and is so special.

I’m proud to honour our groundhog heritage and will be honouring it more and more. Like I said before, a groundhog is an animal—much like a fox is also an animal. And Fox News has treated me very nice. Wherever Fox is, thank you.

Omarosa saw a groundhog once.” 

So there you have it.  Everything you always wanted to know about Groundhog Day and more!  For the record, though I am not a cute, furry little animal that lives in holes in the ground, my prediction is that the sun has taken a permanent vacation.  Here, we have had exactly one sunny day since January 20th.  One.  Just ONE!  I think the sun came out, saw something evil, and went back behind the clouds for protection.

Happy Groundhog Day!!! – Redux (again) This is a repeat of my 2017 Groundhog Day post.  I considered writing a new one, but after I read this one, and it even made me laugh, I figured I couldn't come up with anything better, so why re-invent the wheel, eh? 

[filosofablogger]

“Ground Hog Day is tomorrow. We’re the only country that accepts weather predictions from a rodent, and denies climate change facts by scientists.” – Alt-NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration)

Good morning!  Today is a very special day, so I am setting aside my usual fare for this morning’s post to pay due respect and homage to none other than Pennsylvania’s own … {drumroll} … {applause} … Punxsutawney Phil!!!!  A brief summary of the legend and the history for my friends across the pond who may not know about Phil:

On this day in 1887, Groundhog Day, featuring a rodent meteorologist, is celebrated for the first time at Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. According to tradition, if a groundhog comes out of its hole on this day and sees its shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather; no shadow means an early spring.

  Groundhog Day has its roots in the ancient Christian tradition of Candlemas Day, when clergy would bless and distribute candles needed for winter. The candles represented how long and cold the winter would be. Germans expanded on this concept by selecting an animal–the hedgehog–as a means of predicting weather. Once they came to America, German settlers in Pennsylvania continued the tradition, although they switched from hedgehogs to groundhogs, which were plentiful in the Keystone State.

The line of groundhogs that have since been known as Phil might be America’s most famous groundhogs, but other towns across North America now have their own weather-predicting rodents, from Birmingham Bill to Staten Island Chuck to Shubenacadie Sam in Canada.

This one is for you, HERB!

According to the Weather Channel, the forecast in Punxsutawney is a high chance of cloudy skies, and even a chance of a flurry or two. According to the legend, this means an early spring is ahead. For the record, Punxsutawney Phil has only been accurate 39% of the time since 1887.

I used to say that Groundhog Day was my favourite holiday, mostly because it did not require a lot of effort on my part … no huge meal to cook, no presents to buy and wrap, no tree to decorate or lights to string.

I happened across a humorous piece I thought you might enjoy.  Scott Feschuk, a Canadian speechwriter, humourist and former newspaper journalist, wrote this satire piece after hearing Trump’s rather ridiculous speech on black history.  It is his take on what a speech by Trump to commemorate Groundhog Day might be like:

“Well, this is Groundhog Day, so these are just a few little notes I want to share with you. On this day, we honour the tremendous history of groundhogs throughout our country. Throughout the world, if you really think about it, right? Because that’s where groundhogs are and where they live. Here but also there. Everywhere, really, except not exactly everywhere but almost.

Mostly in the ground though, on or it, or in the vicinity – which is why we call them that. Groundhogs. Right there in the name.

They’re incredible animals and their incredible example is unique in many ways. So many unique ways that honestly there’s no point in me examining any of them in any detail. We all know. We all know bigly.

You’ve all heard about groundhogs. They are well known and people know about them. We have some good ones. We have the one from that place in Pennsylvania and we have other ones and we have the one from that golf movie with one of the Ghostbusters. There are others. Many others that we all know, and I also know them.

The groundhog from the movie Groundhog Day is an example of a groundhog who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I noticed. Big impact. But all groundhogs – big impact on the seasons and the changing of the seasons. There are several seasons and we all know what they are.

I do very well with groundhogs, by the way, not that you’d know from CNN which is fake news and disgraceful. But I do substantially better than others have done. They hear me talk about underground life—it’s horrible, life is short, you can get killed by a wolf on the way to pick up an acorn. They hear me and they love me.

The groundhog is cherished. I am very proud of the fact that people in America can learn about groundhogs, and many other things. And they can learn about their many, many accomplishments, which we celebrate on this day, which is why it is called Groundhogs Day and is so special.

I’m proud to honour our groundhog heritage and will be honouring it more and more. Like I said before, a groundhog is an animal—much like a fox is also an animal. And Fox News has treated me very nice. Wherever Fox is, thank you.

Omarosa saw a groundhog once.” 

So there you have it.  Everything you always wanted to know about Groundhog Day and more!  For the record, though I am not a cute, furry little animal that lives in holes in the ground, my prediction is that the sun has taken a permanent vacation.  Here, we have had exactly one sunny day since January 20th.  One.  Just ONE!  I think the sun came out, saw something evil, and went back behind the clouds for protection.

Happy Groundhog Day!!! “Ground Hog Day is tomorrow. We're the only country that accepts weather predictions from a rodent, and denies climate change facts by scientists.”