#Proximity Desire

[musicmakesyousmart]

Ohsaurus - Proximity Desire

Vivarium Recordings

2024

[a-most-beloved-fool]

Kinda want to write a Spock POV post-fal-tor-pan fic where Spock sees Jim and is instantly whammed with the fact that he's in love with him, but still has no idea why or what that means, so he just goes around with a knot of love tangled in his mind, utterly baffled as to why it's there or how to figure it out. He can't ask the kolinahr adepts, because it feels un-vulcan, so instead he's just. confusedly pining the entire time.

Jim smiles sappily at him and Spock's like "My Heart Is Beating Faster. Why Is My Heart Beating Faster. There Is No Cause For My Heart To Be Beating Faster. Do I Have Tachycardia."

Spock, to McCoy: Doctor, is there history of heart disease in my family?

Bones, suspicious: Yes? Why? (already surreptitiously scanning Spock w/ a tricorder)

Spock: I have noticed concerning irregularities in my heart beat. They occur primarily around Admiral Kirk.

Bones, freezing: Repeat that for me, Spock?

Spock: I have noti-

Bones: No, not that, the next bit! Where they happen!

Spock: Ah. Around Admiral Kirk.

[FIVE MINUTES LATER]

Spock, annoyed: Doctor, cease laughing. I fail to understand what part of my medical condition you find so amusing.

Bones, still wheezing with laughter: Don't - don't you worry your little head about it, Spock. You're not sick, that's the important thing. (interrupts himself by laughing again) You'll (wheeze) figure it out eventually.

(Spock, disgruntled, gives up on him and leaves.)

(McCoy keeps laughing for another ten minutes.)

[canisalbus]

Does Machete enjoy the feeling of sleeping on Vasco's chest (like he's doing in that nosebleed in bed one) or does he prefer a pillow

.

[katabay]

STADIUM KISS! coffee date :)

this actually a re draw of a comic I did ages ago, but this time. the story has a name. this one has been sitting almost finished in my work folder for MONTHS (I had most of it finished. ohhhh my god. back in july of this year? my god. and I posted that original sketch for it back in june of 2022) but I couldn't figure out what to do with the backgrounds, so I decided to simply use every single brush I haven't used before just to see what would happen.

god. fucking. sports, man. I keep thinking about this one pre season game I saw on tv two years ago, and there was a moment in the last ten minutes when the third string quarter back went to play and he threw such a beautiful pass and for a minute it was like seeing lightning strike. I am. upset. that I might never see him play on tv again.

this is why that first page has a lightning strike sort of energy to the players crossing the goal line. also because it's a little bit based on a photo I took back when I did sports photography. there's something about seeing people cross that line while everyone else is trying to pull them back that's soooooooooooooooo good. physical body meet force of will and desperation to win, just once.

(the quarterback is K.D 'Kay' Matsuzaka, the guy with the coffee is Yance, Emil is the third guy in the last panel, he's a linebacker, and Yance's sister is Amie)

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost

[wetandtiny-in-smutland]

Under pressure

Approximately 2.3k words

*my boyfriend helped me write the last half (even tho i edited it a lot after) tell me if you like it, that way i can give him some feedback on his work.

Intro

You were in a friendship/platonic relationship with Alastor, you heard rumors about him saying he's not interested in sex or relationships but couldn't leave your feelings away for him. You did all kinds of services (non-sexual) for him, in exchange for his protection, it was a simple deal you made with him couple months ago. Your deal made him aware when you were in a panicked state. Very easy on his side since you didn't like trouble, most of the trouble came from the fact that you seemed close to him, and his enemies (mostly vox) wanted to take advantage of that.

tags

minors DNI 18+ only

#hazbin hotel #alastorxreader #genderneutralreader #forcedproximity #repressedthirst #smut #nonsexrepulsedalastor #petnames #patronisingalastor #subalastor #receivingalastor #bite #needyreader #handworship #mouthaction #jokesonyou

Minutes ago, you were running away from some vox security bot who had been repurposed for other tasks, you turned a corner missing one of their grappling hooks going for your shoulder. You ended up setting yourself up in a dead end. One of the bot grappled your leg, you fell on your butt as it yanked you pretty hard. Multiple of them came crawling and flying their way to you as you tried to free your leg from the hook. As you unhooked it a flying drone dropped a net on you. You were all tangled up as you were trying to push back the other bots from tying you down. Panic started to rise inside you, your breath getting faster, you didn't want to cause any trouble to Alastor, but you knew it was in vain as he could feel your panic from miles away. You heard a bot break in front of you powering down as it was squished on the floor. 

-Sorry my dear, it took me some time to get here. I see you are in quite a predicament, let me help you. He said while destroying more of the bots and drones mostly with his tentacles.

Alastor could have just teleported you both to a safe place, but enjoying the trill of killing stuff for free would have been a waste (Even though it was not actually living). You freed yourself from the annoying net, after a couple minutes later most the bots were disabled. 

-Now that wasn't much of a problem, was it?

Instant guilt built up inside your brain.

-I'm sorry Al, I should have been able to take care of it by myself, I didn't want to disturb you in your work. I know you have so much to do for the hotel and everything. As you said that one of his eye twitched in annoyance, then his ears rotated to hear behind him. Another swarm of bots was coming, now that Alastor was here, surely vox would send most of them out, including the attack bots, knowing he could get his hands on the radio demon. You looked behind him seeing all the red dots of their cameras starting to light up the alleyway.

He sighed with annoyance.

-I did have other plans for this evening.

You didn't want to annoy him any further, so you thought maybe if we got out of sight of the cameras, he could teleport us somewhere else. You took his hand and ran to the backdoor of the building on the side of the dark dead end you were in. Door was locked, but you made quick work of hit smashing it with your heel. You got inside the building quickly, closing the door best you could behind both of you. You were in a pitch-black back store full of boxes and utility carts that you saw slightly before the door closed completely. The only thing you could see in the dark of the room was Alastor's red piercing eyes.

"Alastor, do you think you could teleport us somewhere safer?" You asked him.

"What's the magic word?" He said with his eyes on you.

"Al! We don't have time for this, come on!" you started getting annoyed yourself.

"Then, no I won't" he said giggling as he closed his eyes. Now you couldn't see anything, you were left stranded in a place you didn't know, scared as fuck. You could hear the clickety of the robots outside walking to the now unlocked door of the building.

"Damn it Al... Fine... Please radio demon sir, could you please move us somewhere safer." 

"Well yes dear." He responded with his smirking face lighting up directly in front of yours. Surprised, you lost your footing, your butt heading for the floor, but he interrupted your fall lifting you up by the waist holding you against him, you felt like you were falling for a second time due to the teleportation, his legs folded up, knees now resting on your upper back, your hips now against his. You tried getting up as you found footing again, your head hitting the now weirdly low ceiling with a loud pang.

-Ouch!

-You should stay sitting and quiet, love, if you don't want them to find us.

You could see his stupid smirk lighting up the small, enclosed space you were stuck in. You were so much more annoyed now, how the fuck was this his reasoning, teleporting to the hotel or literally anywhere else would have been 1000 times better than being stuck in a small space with your body against his, his breath down your face, red eyes looking directly into yours, your hands with nowhere to go but his chest and his hands resting on your back. Oh no! Shit! Don't think about that NOW. Stupid body reacting to sudden physical contact. Contact that was missing all sooo much inside of you since the start of this dumb deal with him. Robot attack! right that's the right thing to think about. Get your mind in the right place. Damn it.

-WHAT THE FUCK! Al where are we? Did you fucking hide us in a fucking cupboard or some shit? What are you thinking, how is this any better than being outside-

As you were spouting nonsense his eyes tensed up, you felt one of his hand leave your back and press over your mouth ‘Sssshhh’ urging you to stop making noises. More physical contact! Shit! It did indeed stop you from complaining even more *gulp*, few seconds after, you heard the door of the building opening and the little sound of the bots’ legs hitting the floor. 

His hand was covering the bottom half of your face, the fingers and palm of said hand reaching both of your ears easily. Taking some small breath, the air you expulsed tumbled down the both of you. The softness of his hand on your lips, you had a really hard time suppressing your intrusive thoughts. God you just wanted to kiss and lick his hand, sooo much! Your mind was entirely focused on not doing that. You closed your eyes as your breath became more and more short and fast. You couldn't register the fact that you were becoming putty in his arms, your body slouching into him, your back hitting his folded legs behind you, knees coming in contact with the surface you were on, your hips sinking into his. You had to suppress noises as your mind caught up with how your body just melted into his and the fact that your clothed crotch was now in contact with his. 

His eyes relaxed a bit, removing his hand slowly from your face, you felt a string of saliva down your chin, most likely connected to his hand. Your breath now big inhales coming from your mouth, you cursed the fact that the only thing you could see was his eyes and mouth. You tried grabbing his hand as you lost your self-control, reaching forward, your fingers only found his chest, you started trailing your way, patting his chest, shoulder, and upper arms. You saw his stare question you as you were touching him unprompted. But you, as much as him, knew that the situation he put you both in was a double-edged sword. You feigned indifference as his eyes were on you, you looked where your hands were travelling, even though you couldn't see at all. You reached his hand on his knee behind you, moving slowly to make sure you were not making any noise. You slid your fingers under his, interlocking them, your fingers spreading almost painfully as his hand was so much bigger than yours. You moved his hand ever so slowly back to your mouth. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears as it followed the boldness of your moves. 

You had never made any move to show your desires to the radio demon, always been a good little platonic partner even though you wished for more. 

But he chose to mess with you so that was on him, he could very well teleport the both of you somewhere else anytime he wished, so you'll continue your scheming as long as he would keep his shit up. 

As his hand reached your face you took it with both of your hands opening all of his fingers around your face, hiding behind it, his surprised stare disappearing behind it as your tongue slipped out of your mouth to crash against his wide palm. He had a surprised tremor and you feared immediate rejection, but he didn't pull his hand from your face or make any move to change anything. You started licking his palm wholeheartedly pouring your soul into the motion, conveying your long-repressed needs, your whole mouth moving into action, lips sucking the skin slowly, kissing it softly, mouth silently slurping at his palm, salivating at the texture of his skin directly on your tongue, the salty sweat of his hand in your tastebuds. Going up toward his fingers, scared of looking at his face, you closed your eyes. Tongue licking the webbing in between his digits, you heard a silent gasp from him, as your tongue slid in and out between his fingers. You could feel his loud exhales tickling your eyelashes, you were covering his hand with saliva. Then you felt his other hand move off your back, heard his claws scraping the "floor" where you were sitting, coming to wrap around your ankle, his touch whispering up your leg, squeezing periodically, his speed matching the one you were using to lick between his fingers. Hand reaching your knee, you stopped licking, panic gathering a bit in your stomach, anticipating for him to move further up. He stopped his hand at the same time as you, kind of like saying that if you wanted more you would have to show him by your actions.

It was a scary situation, was this a threat? Or maybe he needed some clarifications. Knowing him, it could be both, but the time you two shared did give you enough courage to get you so far, so without fully processing what your next move would lead to, you tenderly, pressed your teeth in the fleshy part of his palm under his thumb, nibbling with different pressures. He let out the faintest and only whelp you’ve ever heard coming out of that mouth.­ You slightly pulled away, both of you looking taken aback. Rarely does a reaction manage to breakthrough and escape his unwavering smile, and never in a million years would you have thought it would be in this context. Your heart was racing like it was fueled by hell’s fire itself, pressing you to continue in that tortuous road. The fog in your head seemed to clear with the vocal reaction he made, he wants this too! Maybe even, he needs this as much as you do. But this was not the only effect the noise you could hear, outside the little bots were coming closer to the, you assumed ‘’cabinet’’. You exhaled the breath you were holding, now inspired by this realization, once again you brought his hand back to your mouth, you glided your nimble tongue on the bite mark you’ve left, then up his thumb, wrapping the best you could, the softness of your tongue around the flat of his thumb. His head slightly tilted backwards, eyes closed, grinning ajar. His breaths becoming more and more panting. His body was sieged by shivers, stirring his core. Poor Al… You thought to yourself, all this time being touch deprived. Even if he would never admit it out loud, his body betrayed him in the most obvious ways possible. A growing hardness where your bodies where resting against one another, filled you with lust. W­­ho knew a devil’s heart like his could pump this much blood, from such simple touches. You took the whole tip of his finger in your warm mouth, firmly closing your lips on it while using your tongue like you would while sucking a cock. Alastor’s reaction was immediate, his free hand let go of you and he reached for a support point in the chokingly small space, his claw, scraping the ‘’wall’’ next to you, his whole-body becoming tense at your action. His hips turned his shivers into a rhythmic flexing of his pelvis. The continuous panting and the jitter of his movements rattling the cupboard you were stuck in, making it obvious to the bots that you were hiding in there.

You took another bite, his thumb still in your mouth and in a muffled voice you said ‘Sssshhh’, now urging him to stop making noises. His eyes jolting wide open as if he just realized that he’s being toyed with. You rotated your hips, getting a better angle in which you could move. You heard him gasp as you pushed his waist down to the floor by rubbing yourself down on his core. You felt the struggle of his hardening dick in his pants. Then you pulled out his thumb from your mouth, a sliver of saliva still hanging from his hand to your mouth. Red light could be seen through the door of the cabinets illuminating slightly the space. You leaned closer to his face, your lips brushing his cheek, reaching his ear, hushing this silky threat. -Why don’t you be a dear and teleport us somewhere safe?... unless… you want me to stop?

Dividers and banners made by me, please tag me if you use them.

[batshikns]

hey guys(mutals) what if we all just become rich, move close together, and all pay for each other's therapy? Like? Or at least be in proximity so we can comfort the other? It's starting to weigh on me how "common" it is for people to feel similarly to the way i do and uh dont like it

[bleachbleachbleach]

[Bleach 083]

I have never really identified this in myself before, but I am kind of maybe a little obsessed with Ganju. A lot of this has to do with my general superinvestment in Rukia and Kaien and the whole Shiba-Kuchiki situation. But I'm also just into Ganju himself? I think it's the 4WD boar. SUBARU FAM.

Also because it's interesting to think about what we can draw from these panels, in terms of how Ganju is thinking about himself. I'm pretty sure we don't yet know that the Shiba are former nobility (though now I'm not sure in what future context that, specifically, would come up? if I had to guess Byakuya brings it up on the bridge, because literally who else would). Regardless, they have this whole cannon situation, and they are adept enough at the spiritual arts to know/invent kidou. In this chapter, the ceremony of the cannon is a huge deal (and requires use of what we might assume is Kuukaku's zanpakutou?). Even if we don't know the specifics, we know these are not your average Rukongai konpaku by any stretch of the imagination.

From Rukongai

But Ganju has still narrated a version of his brother that excelled in the Academy "despite being from Rukongai." The Shiba are absolutely not "from Rukongai" in the way that, say, Parakeet Kid is, even if they have always lived outside the Seireitei walls, pre- or post-demotion. Despite that distinction, and their linage, Ganju still thinks of himself--and by extension, Kaien--as being of this place, this non-Seireitei place. I mean, he rides a boar, he has fully embraced the bogan lifestyle.

My point is, this distinction of being from Rukongai matters to him, in his calculus of the world. Being from a noble family, it's probably only as surprising that Kaien is as innately talented as he is, as it is that Byakuya would be innately talented (relative to other Kuchiki as well as relative to other shinigami). The reach isn't as extreme as it would be for some literally random Rukongai konpaku. But that's not how Ganju sees this.

My brother who's in the Gotei

As far as determining Gotei norms, Ganju gives us a lot of cool info, provided we take him at this word as someone who would be intimately familiar with how the Gotei works. SURE, everything I've said thus far suggests we shouldn't. But I also feel like his pride in Kaien--and the kinds of weird things grief makes fixations out of--would suggest that even if Ganju knows nothing about the Gotei, he knows these little Kaien-shaped pieces to the letter:

Perhaps obviously, it is unusual to have lieutenant-class levels of reiryoku on entry into the Gotei

This does not automatically qualify you to become a lieutenant (even if there are slots available, which it kind of seemed like there were, re: Ukitake)

Kaien makes lieutenant within 5 years of joining the Gotei, which is also an exceptionally quick ascent. Given that Ukitake is nudging him in that direction during TBTP, this gives us something of a timeline on how long Kaien had been in the Gotei at that point (not very!).

"I was just a kid"

Then, between 40-110 years later, Kaien dies.

It's wild to think about Ganju being "a kid" when this happens. When was Ganju born???? Given that neither time nor aging are linear here, that's an impossible question to answer with certainty. Plus, I think "a kid" in this context could mean a whole lot of things that don't necessarily mean "I was exactly seven years old."

Even if I don't think I buy it entirely, I'm into the possibility that Ganju really is BABY, and was born after Kaien was already a shinigami and living apart from the fam (are the Shiba parents still alive and living and even weirder and more itinerant life than even Kuukaku--perhaps on the high seas??).

I'm also into the possibility that, honestly, Ganju has had a hard life, and that Kaien's death fundamentally separated his sense of who he was prior to that moment and who he would become, and that this is what he's referencing when he says his memories are dim because he was "only a kid" then. He had to grow up fast, at the same time as he's in no rush to grow up (running around with his boar gang, self-proclaiming things, rushing home for supper, acting the dutiful little bro to Kuukaku). Regardless, there's a lot of trauma surrounding Kaien's death, for sure. Which isn't to say Ganu's entire and only personality and reason for anything is his trauma, LOL. But it's not like Kaien's death and absence isn't a huge part of what's made him. It's not until this moment with the cannon, and the Hero Garb he made himself (using the Shiba crest) that he really says, okay, let's get some real info. Let's move forward.

DIY Regalia

Even the fact of his making his own Hero Garb really intrigues me. There is a long history that the Shiba are a part of--and again, we see this in the ceremony of the cannon, and perhaps even in Kuukaku's clothing and tattoos. It's not as though the Shiba don't already have regalia. And we could take this as Ganju finally fashioning literal, specific garments for himself as he takes up more of the mantel of his family's legacy, in the style of their usual regalia. I totally buy that.

But I also feel like the focus on this special getup being self-made goes back to Ganju not necessarily having access to the full picture of who his family was as a Great Noble House, and what all that history really is. We know that sometime after Kaien's death, the Shiba ceased to be a Great Noble House. If Ganju really was that young when Kaien died, there's another disruption. Like his memories of Kaien or his notions of who Kaien was, what the circumstances of his death were, Ganju is kind of piecing these things together without a map. ...Not unlike Ichigo!

(Must run in the family.)

[oh-katsuki]

for the ask game: tendou satori with the forced proximity trope?? (flirting but sfw)

moans out loud. i love love LOVE this hnggggg. NOT GONNA LIE THO im finding it SO difficult to keep my thoughts sfw im so-

send me a character and a fic idea / trope and ill write a snippet of it!

cw: flirting, consensual touching but it's sfw kinda....., forced proximity trope, tendou flirts with reader when they can't go anywhere (but we're into it OBVIOUSLY), uhhh mentions of his creepiness being hot (it is), this is not as sfw as i intended and i apologize for that... nothing happens tho... but im still sorry for being a degenerate.

it's bad luck. that's all that it is. you happened to be grabbing some art supplies from your university's storage closet and tendou happened to show up needing some paintbrushes for some banners a few minutes later. it's an unfortunate coincidence that the door closed behind him, leaving you both locked in and without a key.

the closet you both sit in now is no more than 5 meters across and 5 meters deep, wall to wall. there are shelves taking up even more of that minimal space and in the middle of the room is a bin full of rolled newspaper used for sketching. both you and tendou are a little too close for comfort. even when you stand on opposite ends of the room, your knees still touch in the middle.

he's got his hands buried deep in his pockets, pressing them down so that the fabric pulls around them. every now and then, he will look up and you and offer a sly grin over the apples of his cheeks. you think he seems remarkably relaxed for the situation.

you're not uncomfortable because you don't like tendou. in fact, it's most likely the opposite. you think that part of it is owed to the fact that you do like him. mostly though, tendou creeps you out just a little. his big, heavily-creased eyes, his thin upper lip and the way it curls up in the corners when he smiles. you feel like, if you were to look at him in the dark, his eyes would glow.

there's just something about him that raises the hair at the back of your neck. what's worse is that you don't dislike it. in fact, he creeps you out just enough that it's kind of hot. the way he hunches over himself across from you, hands shoved into his pockets, makes for a posture you find difficult to look away from.

"staring?" he says, his eyes still trained at the ceiling above him.

"huh?" you snap out of it, shaking your head as if that would hide the fact that you were caught.

"it's fine," he grins, looking down at you. his lips curl in the corners in that characteristic way and he gives you a knowing smile. "you can look all you want."

"i wasn't staring," you pout slightly, crossing your arms over your chest. he makes you feel so exposed.

"mmm, you sure?" tendou pushes off of the wall in front of him, taking a single step toward you. "kinda seems like you want to look at me."

you scoff a little, laughing and avoiding looking at him. if you did, your noses would be less than an inch apart. "well, there's not much else in here to look at."

tendou's eyes drop down to the neckline of your shirt and then back up to your face. "i think there's stuff to look at."

when you don't answer, tendou gives you space to breath and leans back against the shelf he'd been sitting on. his knee knocks yours as he settles.

you calm the heat rising on your face, chewing the inside of your mouth as you try top calm the way you drip with desire.

"hey," he says, tiling his chin forward.

"what?"

"you like me?" he asks plainly, tilting his head to the side.

everything about his mannerism is odd, right down to the casual way he pops the question. you widen your eyes and refuse to answer, looking up to the ceiling with am embarassed sigh.

"i like you," he says, stepping forward and giving you a lopsided grin as he steps across the space again, crouched so that he's eye-level. "i think you're interesting. easy to play with. you wanna play with me, doll?"

so fucking weird. you clench your thighs together. tendou tilts his head to the side like a predator watching it's prey. playing with his food. you nod slowly, wanting so desperately to "play" that it makes you feel crazy.

"let's play then," he says, placing his hands on the side of your hips and stepping between your now parted legs.

you pant lightly under his gaze, pressing your back into the shelf behind you as he makes his way closer to you.

"so pretty..." he murmurs to himself.

then, from the other side of the door, you hear the distinct sound of footsteps. his mouth is no farther than an inch from yours, but he turns his head to face the door before tilting it sideways to give you a mock sad smile.

"looks like this might have to wait," he clicks his tongue, not stepping back from you before he calls, "hey! could someone open the door?"

you blink up at him as someone exclaims softly on the other side and he steps away from you at the last moment. they open the door and you recognize the man as someone from the volleyball team. their eyes flit between you and the odd man beside you before they let out a breath.

"dude!" he says, "have you been in here the whole time?"

"heyyyyy, thanks," he drawls, giving him a smile and clapping him on the back. "we really thought we were done for."

"coach is going crazy," the second boy adds.

tendou just shrugs in response, sticking his tongue out a little and tossing you a sideways wink. you shrivel into yourself. even the way he interacts with his friends is creepy.

"well," he sighs, stretching his arms above his head. "let's play later, 'kay?"

you nod, eyebrows furrowed as you try to gather what just happened. tendou blushes and gives you a little smile before he loops his arm around his friend's neck and starts walking out of the door.

"they play volleyball?" you hear his friend ask.

"nah," tendou responds. you can hear the distinct sound of his smirk as he does.

it sends a rush of heat to your face and stomach. so fucking creepy.

[fondcrimes]

if read dm and u think laios dgaf abt humans u kinda need to read that shit again

[keepitmovinshawty]

I don’t ever wanna see “BIPOC” again because the “POC” show their asses every election and I’m tired. Don’t group Black ppl in with y’all ANYMORE. Leave us the fuck alone. We’ve always been fighting for everyone else, holding the ladder steady, only for y’all to continuously play in our faces after pulling it up behind you. I’m done. I’m finished. Fight your own battles and don’t piggyback off ours. Don’t come over here with that “Black women will save the world” bullshit. Save yourselves now. We’re done being everyone’s mules.

Also, third party voters, I wish nothing but the worst on you pieces of horse excrement and the next 6 generations of your shitty ass families. There were at least 2 states where you useless assholes fucked up and split the vote. And for what? FOR WHAT?

[inevitablysomber-dark]

A Poisoned Desire

I had watched Voyagers after Saltburn and developed a bit of an obsession with Archie Madekwe

Dark! Kai x Lark! Reader

Lark's pretty happy keeping to herself, but Kai just won’t leave her alone, constantly pulling her into his messy world.

Content Warning: This story contains themes of [emotional conflict/intense relationships/identity struggles], which may be sensitive for some readers. Please read with care.

I flip through the pages of my notebook, the soft scratch of the pen the only sound in the quiet of my room. The blue liquid, everyone stopped taking it. The behavior changes were almost immediate. And it wasn’t just them. I felt it, too. The way my emotions seemed more erratic, the way tension buzzed in the air like static. I thought maybe I could figure it out, understand why we were all so…different now.

But the more I researched, the clearer it became: we needed it back. At least until we reached the new planet. The blue liquid wasn’t just a suppressant, it kept us under control. Without it, things were unraveling. Even I could feel it.

I jot down one last note, closing the notebook as a soft sigh escapes my lips. I need to present this to the others, to explain why we need the blue liquid again. Unfortunately, with Zac having control of half the ship it would be a difficult feat. Before I can even think about how to approach them, the door to my room slams open.

My heart leaps into my throat.

Kai stands there, panting, disheveled, with bruises blooming across his cheek and jaw. His eyes are wild, full of an anger that made the air in the room feel heavier. His knuckles are raw, bloodied from a fight I didn’t see but could easily imagine.

I don’t say a word. I can’t.

He storms in, slamming the door shut behind him. For a moment, I think he might break something…me, maybe.

“Kai-” I start, but his name barely escapes my lips before he cuts me off.

“Don’t,” he growls, his voice low and dangerous. He’s standing over me now, close enough that I can smell the sweat and anger radiating off him. His chest rises and falls with each ragged breath.

I don’t understand. What’s happened? Why is he here in my room?

I was in my room trying to get away from him, trying to hide from him.

“You think you’re so special, don’t you?” he spits, his voice venomous. “Sitting in here with your stupid notebooks, thinking you’re better than the rest of us. But you’re not. You’re a defect, Lark. Zac said it himself. You and Phoebe, worthless.”

The words sting, but it's nothing I haven’t heard before. When Richard died, and everyone stopped taking the blue liquid, I found myself outcast alongside Phoebe. It’s part of why I started researching it. I wanted to return to when no one cared about who I was, when everyone was just focused on their tasks and staying productive.

“I’m not trying to be better than anyone,” I manage, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to stay calm. “I just wanted to…”

“Shut up.” He takes a step closer, and I instinctively back up, bumping into the edge of the desk behind me. “You don’t get it. You don’t understand what you’re doing to me.”

I blink, confusion swirling in my chest. “What I’m doing to you?” I repeat, my voice barely above a whisper.

Kai’s hands clench into fists at his sides, the muscles in his arms tensing. There’s something wild in his eyes, something I haven’t seen before. And for the first time, I realize it’s not just anger. There’s something else lurking behind it, something darker, something desperate.

“I shouldn’t want you,” he says, his voice rough, broken. “But I do. I want you so badly it makes me sick.”

My breath catches in my throat. I’ve spent months trying to figure out why Kai hated me so much, why he went out of his way to make my life miserable. I thought it was because of Zac, because I wasn’t good enough, not like the others. But this, this isn’t what I expected.

“I don’t-” I start to say, but the words die on my lips when Kai takes another step forward, his bruised face inches from mine.

“Do you know what it’s like?” he asks, his voice trembling with barely-contained fury. “To want something, you can’t have? To hate yourself for wanting it?”

I can feel my pulse racing, the air between us thick with tension. His hands are shaking now, and I can see the conflict in his eyes, the war between his anger and something else. Desire.

He grabs my shoulders, squeezing as hard as he could, the pain pushing into my other senses. When did he get so strong?

“I’m not…” My voice falters. “I’m not trying to hurt you.”

Kai lets out a humorless laugh, his breath hot against my skin. “No, you’re not. But you are. Every time I look at you, it gets worse. Every time I hear your voice, I hate myself a little more.”

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to fix this.

“You think I don’t know what I am?” he continues, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You think I don’t know that I’m broken? But it’s your fault. You made me like this.”

Tears sting at the corners of my eyes, but I blink them back. I won’t cry in front of him. Not now. Not like this.

“I didn’t ask for this,” I say softly, my voice barely above a whisper.

Kai’s eyes darken, and before I can react, he grabs my wrist, pulling me closer. His grip is tight, almost painful, but there’s something desperate in the way he holds on, as if letting go would break him.

“I know,” he says, his voice hoarse. “But that doesn’t change anything.”

For a moment, the room is silent, the only sound the erratic rhythm of our breathing. I can feel the heat of his body, the tension radiating off him in waves.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make this stop.

Kai’s grip on my wrist loosens slightly, and I look up at him, searching for any sign of the boy I once knew, the boy who wasn’t always like this. But all I see is pain, raw and unfiltered.

“I hate you,” he whispers, his voice shaking. “But I need you.”

And then, without warning, his lips crash against mine.

The kiss is rough, desperate, and filled with everything he’s never said out loud, anger, frustration, need. His fingers dig into my skin as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go, and I feel the intensity of his hatred mixed with something darker.

My mind spins, caught between the sharp taste of his fury and the undeniable pull of his lips on mine. It’s not soft or tender, it’s a battle, a war of emotions neither of us can name. I try to push him away, to catch my breath, but his hands tighten their grip, holding me in place.

Finally I manage to pull away, gasping for air, my chest heaving as I stare at him.

Kai’s eyes are wild, his lips parted as he breathes heavily, his chest rising and falling with the force of it. The anger hasn’t left him,if anything, it’s intensified.

I’m shaking, my heart pounding in my ears as I try to make sense of what just happened. “Why did you—”

“I hate you,” he hisses, cutting me off before I can finish the question. “I hate you so much it’s killing me.”

I don’t know what to say. I don’t understand any of this—why he kissed me, why he’s so angry, why everything feels like it’s spiraling out of control.

“I didn’t do anything to you,” I whisper, my voice trembling.

Kai lifts me from where I stood and throws me on my bed, I try to move, but before I know it he’s pinned me against it.

“Kai” I squeak.

“Shut-up” he responds

I pushed against him, trying to get him off of me.

He flips me over, and this causes my fears to magnify. He forcefully removes my bottoms and with one hand, he encloses both of mine behind me.

I hear him, shuffling and moving around, causing my arms to bend some and it causes me to whimper.

“I’m not…” I struggle to find the words. “I’m not the one making you like this.”

His voice is low and husky as he yanks me into an even more awkward position “You are,” he growls. “You always have been.”

[knightdykes]

first day of classes has been survived. there was a guy who tried to strike up a conversation with me but I kind of gave him the autism creature face because I. don't really remember how to make casual conversation with acquaintances. so much of what makes me Me must be hidden because it's so personal and would open me up to potential harassment. I can't talk about myself at all, I don't know how. I haven't had to be around other people regularly for the last 4 years- really, the last 10 years. I'm a hermit and it has rendered me completely detached from current pop culture and trends and society and social structures and expectations. I prefer my metaphorical little cave high in the mountains that cannot be reached on foot if you don't know exactly where you're going.

[notchainedtotrauma]

Doja Cat's Mom is Jewish (as in Doja Cat is Jewish). Which makes what she's doing (and been doing) even more horrendous, cruel, and violent.

[qiqi-guai-guai]

a pretty girl's disgust can strike shame in the hearts of a hundred thousand people. armed with a grimace, pretty girls can subjugate the entire world.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions could only have a gay man, who was married, and died by the end of that season; only deal with taylor's upending of presumed cishettery by having everyone who's not terrible be automatically down without putting some crisis about it on them, as the better approach to trying to have people talk about it (true, certainly in this case); extent of its room for rian's latent nonbinariness being "never wearing skirts/dresses, always wearing makeup though"....all that is to say, even with neither of them allowed to be "truly" cishet, b/c that's the rewarded realm for superior people, billions could never do winstuk. but they could be kissing right now

[redactedresearch]

i wonder about the modern retellings of persephone's abduction and how it reflects society's (children of all ages) views of their mothers