#Policeman stealing milk

[jazztag]

ftm!SW Whump #2

Plot: A policemen (25) finds a young criminal (22) in his own garage in a cold October night. He's been tailing him for days, but instead of taking him into police custody, he decides to let him stay for the night. TW: Needles. Part 1 here!

It was the morning after, taking my daily coffee and looking through my kitchen window. It was warmer outside.

I went back into the garage, and I carefully put my ear against the wooden door. I heard nothing from inside, so upon knocking, I entered. That boy was where last night, sitting against the wall and instantly looking at me, startled. He looked like he had just woken up, and was clutching something between his fingers. It was a syringe, and after thinking he was drugging himself, I realized it was something entirely different.

He looked at me, syringe in hand, as if asking me permission, and I closed the door behind me, allowing it. He slid the side of his parts down, letting his tight show, and as if ashamed of me watching, he put the needle into the skin. I carefully approached and I kneeled on his side, observing the needle coming out clean. He put it rapidly inside the bag and got his pants in place. He looked a little dizzy and curled up on top of the makeshift bed. He had the blanket on his shoulders, and when I moved, he stirred and backed a bit. I looked around and sighed.

"Want some breakfast?" I asked. He seemed uneasy, but when I stood up, he did so too and followed me outside the garage and into the porch.

He, though, stopped meters away when I entered through the door.

"I know I'm the commissioner myself, but I won't arrest you if you step inside," I told him, but he did not move. I shrugged. I went to the kitchen, and I left him outside. Likewise, I thought he would like chocolate milk, so I prepared some. I grabbed a plate, and I put some cookies on it too.

He was sitting outside on the grass when I returned. I put the plate and the mug in front of him, and he made such a distressed face that I felt pity.

"Don't worry, it's free". I sat on the table outside, watching him carefully, knowing too well he was a street criminal and I, a policeman myself. Don't get me wrong, I prefer having him close, so I can make sure he isn't stealing, doing drugs or selling his body onto the streets. He was eating slowly and being careful not to look too desperate, but visibly enthusiastic over the food. I made my next move thoughtfully. I stood up and I walked up to him. He started to back up a little, not too sure if I was going to pin him to the ground and put a pair of handcuffs around his wrists, like other policemen have done before. But I just stood there, and I kneeled to grab the now empty plate and mug.

"For as long as you stay here, inside these walls, I won't bring you to the station. But you have to behave".

He looked at me fearfully. Then he lowered his gaze to the floor, finally agreeing.

The rest of the day he stayed by the big tree under the sunlight, doing nothing but resting. I prepar

[project1939]

(Lucy and Ethel try to trick Ricky and Fred into believing they are burglars)

Day 25- TV and Radio: 

TV: 

I Love Lucy, season one, episode 27, “The Kleptomaniac,” April 14th, 1952. 

I Love Lucy, season one, episode 28, “Cuban Pals,” April 21st, 1952. 

The Burns and Allen Show, season two, episode 16, “Jack Benny Steals a Joke,” April 24th, 1952. 

Radio: 

Fibber McGee and Molly, “All You Can Eat for $1,” April 15th, 1952. 

The Great Gildersleeve, “Leroy the Beekeeper,” April 16th, 1952. 

Screen Guild Theater, “The Strange Love of Martha Ivers,” April 20th, 1952. 

I Love Lucy was a bit of therapy for me today. (It was like my “physikiatrist” as Ricky might say?). Both episodes I watched were funny, but the kleptomaniac episode especially killed me. Lucy and Ethel pretending to be burglars was a little ray of sunshine in my day. Also lines like the “I got the eye in the foot and the foot in the eye” one quoted earlier, and later Lucy saying, "I was a pickpocket. I picked a peck of pockets!”  

The other things I watched or listened to today were enjoyable as well. I got to hear Lizabeth Scott on Screen Guild Theater, which was fun. It’s still debated whether or not tabloid stories about her being a lesbian were actually true, but I could listen to her low sultry voice anytime! Jack Benny guest-starred on Burns and Allen, so of course it was funny. I really love Gracie’s character. At first you think she’s just an idiot, but when you actually listen to what she is saying, you realize she isn’t. She just interprets things in weird, but also weirdly logical ways. For example, in one episode a policeman was trying to get her to ID a criminal. At first the criminal was not wearing his hat, so the policeman said to her, “Now I’d like you to get a good look at him in his hat.” Gracie said, “Well, ok, it seems silly, but I’ll do it.” She proceeded to take the guy’s hat, put in on her own head, and continue scrutinizing him! 

...And now a word from today’s best sponsor: Pet milk! Would you like to drink rich creamy evaporated milk that sounds like it’s not meant for human consumption? Well, then you need to try Pet Milk! It’s not for your pets- it's for you! It’s not made from pets- it's made from your bovine friends! In the 50s evaporated milk was apparently the thing. Use it for baking! Use it for cooking! Use it to make whipped dessert toppings! Use it for drinking! Use it for baby! Use it for your other growing ones! Use it to hoard in case of nuclear war, maybe? 

[theshelbyclan]

Happy Birthday!

Summary: It’s your birthday! And the Shelby brothers refuse to let another one of their baby sister’s birthday go by without some proper celebrating. 

(Gif by @benson-shelby​)  A/N: It’s actually my birthday today, but due to quarantine I can’t really celebrate it with anyone. So I decided to celebrate with the Shelby’s! Via this little fic, purely self-indulgent, to cheer myself up and to remember some great birthdays I had in the past ;) Set in season 1, you’re just a few years younger than John. Words: 1710 *** “John, get her tea.” “I thought you had the tea.” “Well, then get the milk!” urgent whispers sounded in the hallway. 

“I’m not your bloody maid, am I, Ada,” John spat not so quietly in return.

You were lying in bed, awake for hours already. This was the day you’d become a woman, or so Ada had said, but still, your siblings were bickering like little children. It brought a smile to your face. Another annoyed grumble, “Shhh, you’re going to wake her up!” “Am not,” he hissed, “I got your fucking milk, didn’t I!” “Oi!” another low voice joined in, “Ada, you really need to take a look at the toast.” “What about the toast, Arthur?” “Burned it,” he mumbled and you could hear John giggle softly in the dark. Ada sighed deeply, “For fucks sake, fine, I’ll do it. Wait here.” As the least subtle brothers in the world shuffled about in the hallway, you thought of your other birthdays. When you were little, they were celebrated with mum and everyone gathered. During the war, no one paid attention to birthdays any longer. And now, after the war, people tried to get their lives back on track. Only last week you’d made sure Finn had gotten a birthday he’d never forget. And now they tried to return the favour, obviously. Another few minutes and about a thousands curses passed, when they finally tiptoed into the room. Closing your eyes, you decided to play along. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Slowly you sat up and put on a groggy voice, “What are you doing in here?” “You are the worst actor ever, Y/N,” John grinned. “Am I?” you feigned innocence. Ada handed you a cup of tea as John plopped down onto bed next to you, “Did you hear about Arthur burning the toast then?” “I didn’t burn it,” he protested, “Only… blackened it a little.” Ada sent her eldest brother a look, “Polly’s making some more.” “Thanks for the tea,” you smiled and took a sip. Frowning, you narrowed your eyes at John. “You’re not a child anymore, Y/N!” he explained happily. “Move over,” Arthur shoved his brother aside and hugged you, “Happy birthday, sweetheart. This is for you, go on, open it.” Wrapped clumsily in some brown paper, he’d given you a revolver. And just as you were staring at it, Aunt Polly walked in with toast in a lovely shade of light brown. “A gun,” she demanded at once, “For fucks sake, Arthur.” “She needs it to protect herself, Pol,” he returned, and with pride in his voice he added, “And look: it’s a lady’s gun!” You turned the weapon over and saw it was small, delicate and laid in. Still, deadly as any weapon it was. “My turn,” John said, bouncing up and down in excitement almost. He handed Polly your tea and when she sniffed it, she said strictly, “Alright, who put whiskey in her morning tea?” No one answered. Quickly John handed you his present, hardly wrapped at all. Inside, you found a peaky cap, razorblades included. “Honestly, John…” Ada sighed, “She’s not a bloody Blinder!” “It’s all she’s ever wanted!” John called out, “Ever since she could walk, she tried to steal our caps, forever talking about wanting to join us wherever we went. Now she’s got her own!” “I love it,” you beamed up at him, “All I ever wanted.” “Alright,” Ada interrupted, “Clearly Y/N has too many brothers so it’s up to me to turn her into a lady.” “Please do,” Polly sighed, “Or the only interest she’ll ever have is weapons.” She knew her niece well, “That and gambling…” Your sister combed a few rebellious strands of hair behind your ear and planted a kiss on your cheek, “My darling little sister, soon you’ll learn you have more than one way of getting a man to do what you want.” You blinked a few times. This had always been more of Ada’s area of expertise. “She has no idea what you’re on about,” Polly smirked. “Thank God,” Arthur and John said in unison. “Sit still,” Ada demanded and she started applying the lipstick, “Sit. Still.” You furrowed your brows at the unfamiliar feeling, “Just your colour,” Ada commented happily, “As I thought.” “Not bad, that,” Arthur commented as he tilted his head. John leaned back and examined you as well, “Yeah, well, it’s red, isn’t it? I like red...” “Lipstick, a gun and razors,” Ada commented matter-of-factly, “the most deadly Shelby as of yet, Pol!” Aunt Polly rolled her eyes. “Happy birthday, Y/N!” eleven-year-old Finn came running to the room and jumped up into your arms, “You can have mine!” And he thrust his homemade catapult into your hands by form of a gift. “Another weapon, Pol,” Arthur eyed her, “Whatever will become of our innocent little sister?” Aunt Polly rubbed her nose and stammered a little, “Well, you know I don’t agree with you joining the family business… And God knows I’ve tried to rein you in just a little…” “But,” you interrupted, eyes glittering mischievously. “But…” she looked down, “I got you something for your shoes.” “Shoes?” you looked at the little black package she’d handed you. John suddenly burst out laughing in realisation, Arthur tried to hide his face in his hands and Ada commented dryly, “So, no better than us, eh, Pol.” Slowly you opened the package. Inside, you found a small black butterfly knife. *** A few hours had passed, with the regular nonsense that you cherished more than anything in the world. The family was gathered in the kitchen, everyone argued and life seemed perfect. But, one thing was missing. “Where’s Tommy?” you finally asked. “He had business,” Polly answered shortly, “No idea when he’ll be back.” You eyed John carefully, the brother you always turned to, “You think he forgot?” “Nah,” he tried cheering you up, “And you’re doing alright with us, right? Don’t need grumpy here…” You smiled, but still it hurt a little. And then, unexpectedly, Tommy waltzed into the house like it was any other day. “Y/N,” he announced himself coldly, “I need you to come with me.” “Why?” you challenged, “We’re just celebra-“ “I said now, Y/N. Family business.” Tommy interrupted in a low voice. “Thomas…” Aunt Polly started, but he held up a hand to silence her. Then he turned to you and repeated, “Come with me.” Begrudgingly, you got up and followed your brother. Looking back, Arthur motioned you to move it, which made you all the more suspicious. Without moving a muscle in his face, Tommy opened the door and said, “Go on.” You stepped outside and the second you did, applause resounded through the streets. In front of every house, people had gathered and they cheered like you were royalty. You couldn’t believe your eyes. “Tommy, did you…” you started. “He’s been at it all morning,” John explained as he crossed you in the doorway. A few moments later, the sound of hooves echoed in the streets. “What the hell is this,” you said at once. “This,” Tommy made a broad hand gesture, “Is a gypsy on a horse.” “And what, pray tell, is he doing in the middle of town?” You recognised Johnny Dogs now, who called out, “Little Y/N Shelby! Happy birthday, love!  How the hell are you!” “I’m grand, Johnny,” you said numbly, “What’s with the horse?” He got off the horse and patted her flank, “She was a lovely filly as first. Sweet, but could never quite be tamed. Third filly out of Shadow, gorgeous beast.” “So, we decided,” Tommy mumbled as he lit a cigarette slowly, “she needed a rider who’d understand.” “What? Being a gorgeous beast?” your cynical reply came. Tommy rolled his eyes, “ ‘could never be tamed’ “. “Well, go on,” Johnny urged, smiling from ear to ear, “Up you get, little one!” Gingerly, you walked over to the horse. As you stroked her nose, Tommy handed you his cigarette and said softly, “What do you think of her?” “She’s an absolute beauty.” Tommy nodded, “Just like you,” but before you could send him a thankful look, he’d walked off again. And with the whole of Small Heath watching on, you climbed up on the horse. *** It was almost midnight when you woke up on a hard cold bench. A splitting headache washed over you as you tried to lift your head. You touched your temple and noticed some blood on your knuckles. Vaguely, you remembered being in the Garrison only a few hours before. You remembered Tommy had closed the betting den and the pub being packed with people, all celebrating your birthday. Memories of card games, songs and laughs came back to you. And the whiskey, so much whiskey. Slowly, you hoisted yourself up. As you looked around, you recognised the inside of the police cell. And you felt at your laced up boots: the knife was still safe inside. A sigh of relief escaped you. “How’s the head, eh?” Recognising your brother’s voice, you looked up without meeting his eye. “What did I do?” you asked finally. After a pause, Tommy replied, “Well, you celebrated your birthday alright.” “Did I have fun?” “Yes, I’d say so.” You frowned, “Why am I in here?” He cleared his throat, “It started with the barmaid and ended with you head-butting a policeman. Quite the Shelby night…” “Is that pride I hear?” Tommy didn’t answer, so you send him your best innocent smile. Eventually he asked, “Was it worth it?” “Hell yes,” you replied in a flash. “Little devil, celebrating her fucking birthday, eh?” “Admit it!” you pointed at him, “you areproud!”

And Thomas Shelby actually smiled through the bars, “Fucking right I am.” When he started to walk away, you shouted, “Oi! What about my bail?” “Paid it!” he called from a distance. “How am I supposed to get home?” you raised your voice even more. Tommy’s reply echoed, “Take your horse. She’s outside.” Myhorse? And just as a policeman with a head in bandages opened the door of your cell, you smiled to yourself: Best birthday ever.

Tommy left the station before you were released, but before he’d gone, he finally said:  

“Happy birthday, Y/N.”

***

Masterlist

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Trees Are Stupid.

There are some things in life that people learn without ever having to experience them. For me, one of those things really should have been ‘do not sneak out of a second story bedroom window if you have a broken leg’.

In my defense, I’d never had any trouble with the window before. The peach tree in our neighbour’s backyard was broad and healthy and one of its thick, strong branches was within easy jumping distance from my room. I’d silently slid the window open, checked to be sure that I was in the poorly-disguised undercover policeman’s blind spot, and was halfway out before I realised that balancing on the sill might be a little difficult with my right foot and calf encased in plaster.

I gripped both sides of the window frame and balanced as well as I could on my left foot. I’d always been small for my age, looking closer to eleven than fourteen, so the jump wouldn’t require very much strength. The branch, barely visible in the fading light, seemed to wave in time to the gunfire and screaming wafting up from my parents’ movie downstairs.

I leapt, and smacked right into the branch. It was a jump I could normally make without thinking about it, but the broken leg had thrown me off; I smacked chest-first into solid wood and instinctively wrapped my arms around it to keep from falling. The pain rushed through my ribs all the way to my spine, then faded, lingering for an extra moment in the little scar just to the left of my breastbone that I always tried to ignore. Not that I’d be able to ignore it any more, after the accident.

No, not accident. After the attack.

The back porch light was on. Most people would take this to be an accident, but I knew it was my parents’ plausibly deniable polite concession to the undercover police officers we were all pretending not to notice. They needed a clear view of the back door to make sure I was staying in the house like a good little boy. The light clearly illuminated the word WITCH that somebody had spraypainted across the back of our house, but it didn’t reach me in the tree. After a few seconds of stillness in which I waited for someone to move or shout, I felt it was safe to continue.

Arms and knees around the branch, I slid along it over the fence bordering our yard and towards the trunk of the tree. Our neighbours were still awake; light was visible around the kitchen blinds. This wasn’t unusual. It wasn’t all that late.

Normally I’d just drop to the ground and go ring the doorbell, but there was the issue of the police. Something else gave me pause, too; the small wreath of holly and mistletoe hung on the back door. That hurt more than hitting the branch had. Contrary to myth, neither holly nor mistletoe had ever stopped me from entering a building – I wouldn’t be able to enter most shops or cafes if it did – but the Nebits weren’t to know that. They’d always made a point of not warding their doors, and the fact that they’d done so now… well. I couldn’t really blame them, could I?

I switched to another branch, one stretching towards the Nebits’ house. The window I was aiming for wasn’t all that far from my own; it seemed like an awful lot of work to reach it by treeclimbing. If we’d been on the ground floor, I’d almost be able to reach it from my own window.

I couldn’t quite reach it from the tree, though. Again, this was a jump I’d made dozens of times, but it had been hard enough jumping into the tree with a broken leg; even I wasn’t going to try to jump out of a tree at a closed window when I couldn’t even safely stand up. I could envision the result – me slamming face-first into the wall below the window, and the Nebits coming to investigate the noise and finding a broken, bleeding body under their peach tree. Not an ideal situation.

Instead, I plucked a peach from the tree and threw it at the window. A moment later, it opened.

Melissa was sihlouetted in her bedroom light, so I couldn’t see much more than the halo of brown hair she was in the process of brushing, but I knew she was glaring at me. Melissa has the kind of glare you can feel through lead walls. When she grows up and has kids, they’re going to be the most well-behaved children in the world.

“Kayden, what the hell?”

“Are you going to let me in or not?”

“You shouldn’t be here! You’re under house arrest!”

“I know, that’s why I’m in a tree. But it is Saturday.”

Apparently, Melissa couldn’t argue with this logic. She fetched the usual climbing rope from her closet and tossed one end to me. I tied it to the tree, slid my way over to the window, and climbed in.

“Are you alright?” Melissa asked, checking over my arms for scratches and bruises. I didn’t pull away; Melissa gets focused when she’s worried, and it’s generally best not to get in her way. There were dark shadows under her eyes, I noticed, and her normally rosy, freckled cheeks were pale; had she lost sleep over me?

I shrugged. “They discharged me, so nothing can be too wrong with me. It’s not the first fall I’ve taken.”

“You know what I meant.”

I shrugged again.

“We tried to visit you, you know. They had you in some kind of high security ward and Chelsea almost got caught trying to pickpocket a nurse’s keycard.”

I suppressed a chuckle. “Of course she did. She’s not here yet?”

“She was grounded after the keycard thing, so I don’t think she’ll be able to convince her mum to – ”

Just then, Melissa’s bedroom door opened. “Don’t tell my mum I’m here,” Chelsea said quietly. “I’m grounded.”

Melissa threw up her arms. “Did anyone in this neighbourhood not sneak out of their bedroom window today?”

“Um, you didn’t,” I pointed out.

“Neither did I,” Chelsea said. “I’m not an idiot. I used our bathroom window. First floor.”

“Well la-de-da, Miss Police-Aren’t-Watching-My-House,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Kayden, did you climb a tree in your pyjamas?” Chelsea asked.

I glanced down at myself. “Maybe.”

“You’ve lost a button.”

Chelsea, unlike Melissa and I, was not in her pyjamas. She was wearing a flannel shirt that I was pretty sure was mine. Despite being a year younger than me, we were exactly the same size, and more than once she’d joked about getting me a jaw-length blonde wig and herself a shorter brown one to see how long we could pretend to be each other before someone noticed. Said jokes were getting worryingly serious.

“It’s your turn to hide the tracker,” Chelsea reminded me.

Melissa glared at her. “That stupid tracker game created this mess, and you still expect him to play?” she snapped.

“That’s pretty insensitive, Chel,” I agreed. “Especially since I’ve already hidden it. You think the school roof was a clever hiding spot? Oh, man. You are in for a wake-up call.”

She frowned. “You’re bluffing,” she said. “You haven’t had a chance to hide anything. They took you straight home from the hospi – ” She put her face in her hands and groaned. “You found the tracker before you ended up in hospital. You had it with you. And the only other places you’ve been are your house, and a high security ward in the hospital. And you know better than to hide it in your house.”

I spread my hands. “Hey, the circumstances aren’t my fault. If you want to find it, might I suggest stealing a nurse’s keycard? Oh wait.”

“You’re both crazy,” Melissa said.

“That’s a weird way to pronounce ‘incredibly awesome’,” Chelsea said. “When does the cast come off?”

“In another week and a half.”

“Just in time for school holidays!”

“I’m suspended anyway, so it’s kind of a moot point.”

We fell silent. None of us wanted to talk about the next obvious point of conversation.

Eventually, Melissa asked, “What about after the school holidays?”

I shrugged. “They haven’t set a date for the trial or anything yet, so…”

“So you’ll probably get a super long holiday before you’re found innocent and everything goes back to normal!” Chelsea threw an arm over my shoulders. “I’m so jealous.”

I shrugged her off. “I’m not innocent. My victim – ”

“Victim!” Chelsea scoffed. “You know this is Matt Parker you’re talking about, right? If I’d been up there I’d have pushed him off myself, curse or no curse.”

“You’re innocent,” Melissa said. “You know the law. Accidental consequences of curses can’t be prosecuted, unless the carrier of the curse was knowledgably negligent.”

“Fourteen-year-olds shouldn’t use words like ‘negligent’,” Chelsea frowned. “You sound like my dad.”

Melissa ignored her. “You’ve had that curse stuck in your heart since before you could walk, and nobody could ever say you were negligent. It’s done absolutely nothing for fourteen years. No causing sickness, no turning things to gold, it doesn’t even sour milk. There was absolutely no way you could have predicted it to lash out here.”

“That’s the point,” I said. “I should have expected it to lash out, because I should always be expecting it to lash out. My control slipped, and now everyone knows I put that jerk in hospital. He nearly died, you know. I nearly killed him.”

“Your curse nearly killed him,” Melissa corrected.

“I would have nearly killed him if I got the chance,” Chelsea shrugged. “Don’t even need a curse. I would’ve just hit him.”

“Everyone knows that Matt’s injuries are more self-inflicted than anything,” Melissa added. “Nobody blames you for any of this.”

“Then why is there a wreath on your door?” I asked.

Melissa looked away. “My parents are idiots.”

“No, your parents are scared, and they’re right. Your family have known about my curse since I got it. Your parents never had a problem with it, or with me, until now. But now they finally see what it means, what it can do, and they want nothing to do with me. They think I could hurt you, and they’re right. I could kill both of you without warning. Doesn’t that bother you?”

The two girls stared at me, completely unimpressed. Chelsea rolled her eyes.

“Why would that bother us?” Melissa asked. “It’s not exactly new information.”

“You’ve always known about the curse, but now that it’s active and – ”

Melissa waved me silent. “Not the curse. I mean in general. We’re all capable of killing each other if we want. You don’t need a curse for that. Five minutes ago I threw you a rope to climb in my window; I could’ve untied my end and you could very easily have died. Does that bother you?”

“That’s different.”

“No, it isn’t. I’m not saying your curse doesn’t suck, I’m just saying it doesn’t make you a terrifying monster, and anybody who looks at you differently now that it’s attacked Matt is an idiot for not taking it seriously and getting over it years ago.”

“That’s easy for us to say,” Chelsea said, “but to be fair, people have been kind of freaking out. Your family and mine were the only ones around here who ever really knew about the curse. To everyone else, it kind of…” she shrugged.

“Looks like I lied to them about something really dangerous I was carrying around the neighbourhood?” I asked.

“… Kind of, yeah. But they’ll get over it.”

“What’s the internet look like? The police confiscated my phone and I haven’t been online since the whole thing happened.”

The girls exchanged a worried glance.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Mum turned our wi-fi off. I don’t think she wants me to see what people are saying.”

“You don’t want to see what people are saying,” Melissa said quickly.

“Don’t worry about it,” Chelsea said. “If anyone gives you trouble, point at them and babble nonsense until they run screaming.”

“Yeah, because that would help his court case,” Melissa said.

“Nobody can give me any trouble. I’m not supposed to leave the house. Actually, I should probably get back before Mum and Dad notice I’m missing.”

“Righto. Liss, do you have some rope?” Chelsea headed for the window.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Stringing a rope from the tree to your window. Or did you have another plan for getting back in with that?” She nudged my cast with her toe. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She took a rope from Melissa, slipped easily out the window and within seconds was walking along the tree branch outside.

“I’ll never get how you two can do that,” Melissa remarked.

“It’s easy. It’s just one foot in front of the other. Until you slip and break a leg.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll stick to the ground like a normal person, thanks.”

“Sounds boring.”

Melissa chuckled and shoved me playfully. I grinned, trying to keep the mood light. Trying not to think about the future.

Whether I was found guilty of assault or not, I was dangerous, and now the whole street and the whole school knew it. There was no going back from that.

And I didn’t know what to do.

Story continues here.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Thought I Couldn't Top It, Huh? OVER 2000 Questions! (Truly the Longest!) Created by distortedcognition Part 10 Have you Ever... Gone on a cruise? Nope. They sound kind of fun, but the thought of being stuck out in the middle of the water, especially for so long, terrifies me. I’m sure I’d also get sick and that wouldn’t be fun either. Beaten someone up? No. Been beaten up? No. Bullied someone? No. Been bullied? No. Attempted suicide? No. Attempted murder? Jeez, no. Nearly died? Yes, twice. Broken the law? Little things that everyone did like downloading music and whatnot. Stolen something? When I was a kid I thought the candy in the big candy bins at the grocery store were free to take. They were not. Whoops.

Had an abortion? No. Known the president? Not personally. Had an affair with the president? No. Met a famous person? Yes. I’ve met Jamie Lee Curtis and Drake Bell. Gah, I can’t believe he turned out to be a perverted creep. I had such a big crush on him back in the day. Had an affair? No. Been out of the country? Yes, I went to Mexico. Out of state? Yeah, a few times. I’ve been to Arizona, Idaho, and Georgia.  Out of your town? Many times. Written a poem? Yes, I dabbled with it a little as a teen. They’re suuuper cringe. A story? Yeah. I loved writing short stories when I was like 12-14. I’m sad I don’t have access to those. A novel? No. A song? I think I’ve tried before; probably during the days I was writing poetry. Gotten published? No. I never sent anything in or anything.  Written a love poem? Yes. Said that you hated the world? Yeah. Finished school? Yep, yep. Flunked a grade? No.

Flunked a subject? I had to retake a math course in community college. I totally blame the professor, though, who was truly awful. She was so mean and not helpful at all.I always struggled with math, but I also always managed to get by even if just barely. When I retook the course with a different professor I passed with a B, sooo. Read a book for enjoyment? Most definitely. I’ve loved to read since I was a little kid and have read a lot of books throughout my life. I read quite a bit. Bungee jumped? Nooo. Skydived? Nooo. Danced? Yeah. Been to a dance? Yeah, I went to a few in middle school and then my high school formal and prom. Scuba dived? Nooo.

Broken a bone? Yes. Gotten a nose bleed? No. Gone to the beach? Many times. I love the beach. 

Gone fishing? I tried it for a bit once. Not my thing. Gone to an island? No. Died in a dream? No. I’ve been attacked and sought after, but never actually died. Had a dream that came true? Yeah. Kissed someone in the rain? Nope. Gotten pregnant? No. Eaten calamari? I’ve tried fried calamari.  Lobster? No. Helped anybody during the holidays? I’ve donated to things during the holidays. Helped a stranger? Yes. Kissed a stranger? No. Hugged a stranger? I’m not someone who just hugs everyone.

Can You... Kiss your elbow? No. Touch your nose with your tongue? No. Stick your fist in your mouth? Barely. Touch your toes? Yeah. Give away money?: I could give away some. Marry a family member? Uh, absolutely not. Hire an assassin? No! Stay up all night? Yeah, I do so all the time. Stay up for /ten/ nights? Um, no definitely not. Finish this survey? Yeah.  

Swim? No. Draw well? No. I wish I had some artistic abilities. Sing well? Nope, don’t have that talent either unfortunately. Write well? I’ve been told that. Probably not anymore since I don’t do so anymore. It’s been awhile now.

Eat a box of chocolates in an hour? Definitely not. I could only have like 2. Eat an entire package of Oreos in a half an hour? Nooo. I’d have like 2-3, maybe 4. Without milk? I always have to have something to dip my cookies in. Predict the future? Nope. I don’t believe anyone can. You can try of course by studying patterns and whatnot and you might just get it right, but...

Would you Ever...

Lie to a friend? I can’t say I never have before. Lie to your parents? I have. Lie to a lover? I have. Steal from your parents? No. Hug them in public? Yes? Blow up your house? Wtf, no. Abuse someone? Nooo. What’s with these type of questions? Use someone? I hate to say I have done that before. I know how it feels and it’s really shitty. :/ Recommend this survey to a friend? To anyone on here who might be interested in taking it.

Would you ever Be... A fireman? No. Policeman? No. Serial killer? N O.  Doctor? No. Surgeon? No. Prostitute? No. Playboy model? No. Writer? I used to like writing for fun when I was younger, but I’m definitely not cut out to be a writer. I wouldn’t want to make it my career. It would be too stressful and not enjoyable anymore with that pressure. Artist? I have no artistic abilities. Musician? I have no musical talents either. I’m truly talentless, ya’ll.  Assassin? Nooo. Ninja? No. Soldier? No. President? No. Darth Vader? No. Pilot? No. Mortician? No. Forensic scientist? No. Detective? No. I enjoy reading and watching mysteries or playing mystery games for fun and tying to figure who did it, but I wouldn’t want to actually be a detective. Lawyer? No. Drug-dealer? No. Pirate? No. Box-carrier? No. Store clerk? Gah, I’m not cut out for retail so ideally no. I’ve heard too many horror stories. Retail workers are the real MVPS for the shit they have to deal with let me tell ya. Banker? No. Criminal? No, omg. Professional wrestler? No. Tennis player? No. Rapper? No. Country singer? No. Pop star? No. Actor? No. Plastic surgeon? No.

[emelywrites]

Hi! I’m loving your Diego fics, can I request one too? Since that scene in s2 where they show us all the siblings as adults but still in the academy uniforms (thus, still part of it), I love the idea of an au where that same Diego meets a girl outside of the academy, who makes him want to have a different life than the one he has (make sense?). Because the Diego of the au still lives in the academy, but after meeting her, he wants a new life, with her. I’d love to read something on these lines:)

Hey, I went a bit off track, but I hope you like it! I’m also aware that the life that is described for the reader isn’t something common in the US but I feel like we’re all dreaming in these stories, so imagine!

Warnings: Language, child neglect, emotional manipulation (We all know Reggie’s a shit dad, so that)

His own life

Diego had tried before. When they were seventeen all the Hargreeves kids had tried to just leave. Diego stopped his actions without hesitation when mom walked in and asked him to stay. Gave him a whole lecture on how him and his siblings were heroes and had to stick around because what would the Umbrella Academy be without them? What would she be without them? That same monologue worked on Klaus. Luther didn’t even need a lecture. One „Are you sure about this?“ And he started unpacking again.

Alison and Vanya weren’t so easy to convince. Alison had big dreams and Vanya just wanted to get out of her own personal hell. Grace, Pogo and Dad had caught them in the foyer. Vanya started to feel bad about her decision, especially when they brought up the possibility of failure all alone in a big, scary world. Alison even tried rumoring her way past them but of course Dad had managed to use that against her.

„If that is your way of handling all your problems outside of those doors, you’re not really handling anything, Number two. Now go back up to your room, I expect you at dinner in 30 minutes.“ So Alison had tears in her eyes at the thought of having to use her powers for everything. And she stayed, too.

Now they were nearing their thirties. They were still wearing their stupid uniforms. Going on missions at least twice a week and having to help out around the house was getting boring and frankly, exhausting. They did get to leave occasionally. Going to the diner at the corner, going to some fancy restaurant when Dad felt like they deserved it or just laying around in the courtyard. Every time they were at the diner he saw some people around who were just enjoying themselves. No worries in the world and a life of their own to live.

One particular Saturday afternoon they were sitting in the diner again. Diego was drinking a black coffee and eating a jelly donut. They weren’t talking. They never did. They just weren’t allowed to go out on their own, or to unknown places, so every Saturday afternoon they were sitting in this diner, rarely even sharing a table, just enjoying not being at the Academy. Diego was sitting in a booth on his own. Vanya was sitting by the counter, pulling apart a glazed donut and dunking each piece into her glass of milk. Klaus was laying in another booth, an empty glass of some extravagant milkshake standing on the table. Luther and Alison were sharing a table sitting across from each other, sharing a strawberry milkshake and a chocolate eclair and a chocolate glazed donut sitting next to it.

They all thought it was weird. Alison and Luther had been ‚secretly‘ dating since forever. They didn’t like thinking about it because they still thought of each other as siblings. But to be honest, Diego was jealous. He had never really been in love. How should he? He never met anyone outside the house. 

„Hey, Auntie Agnes, sorry, I’m a bit late. Study group took a bit longer today“, a beautiful woman who came running in, said to the woman behind the counter.

„That’s alright, dear. Put on the uniform really quick and then I can go out for the day“, she smiled.

Diego looked after the beautiful woman. He had only caught a glance at her as she was rushing in and when she came back out she started cleaning up, while Agnes left. When she arrived at Diego’s table he smiled up at her.

„Can I get you anything else?“, she asked, smiling back at him.

„Uhm- Maybe a refill? And- and another jelly donut maybe“, he ordered nervously. Why was he so nervous around her?

„Alrighty then.“

Just about a minute later she came back with a new donut and the coffee can. She leaned against the booth with her arms crossed.

„It’s a little sad, isn’t it? When I was little this place was always buzzing but it really let itself go in these past few years“, she started small-talk, probably sensing that he liked her company, but also bored because there was nothing to do around here, „I’ve been helping out for a few years now, since I started my undergraduate, to make some money on the side. I’m about to be a doctor.“

„That’s awesome. You sound like you’ve got it together.“ Diego was a little jealous. She seemed as though she had all these plans and no one holding her back, quite the opposite obviously, since she was apparently working at her aunt’s shop.

She laughed. „No, I don’t think anyone does. That’s kind of the thrill, isn’t it? Not knowing where life is gonna go?“, she sat down opposite him, „When I graduated high school I took a year off and helped out in a crisis area. My parents were really scared but it gives you a sense of humility and accomplishment. And before I entered medical school, I did that again, just in a different place. I wanna see the world.“

Diego got really sad, she had done so much in her life and she still had plans. He had never left the city in his life, rarely even left the house. „I wish I could do that.“

„Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to brag like that. My parents are really supportive, I couldn’t have done all that without them“, she looked a little embarrassed.

„Oh, I don’t think, money would be the problem. My dad’s an eccentric billionaire. He just isn’t too supportive. We don’t get to live our own lives.“

She reached out her hand to hold his and smiled. „I can’t imagine what that’s like, I’m sorry. If you got your own life, what would you do?“

Diego snorted. He hadn’t thought about that since Mom had convinced him to stay. Back then he had wanted to keep fighting crime, just without his Dad. He had wanted to become a policeman, a real righteous citizen. Maybe get married, have kids. He had given that up around twenty. 

„I don’t know anymore. There’s nowhere to go. I’m turning 30 this year, I should have started my own life ages ago.“

She smiled. „It’s never too late. I’m (Y/N) by the way, I’m here three days a week, five pm to midnight. Tell me, if you find something.“

She filled his mug and then went back behind the counter where someone had just sat down. Diego couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. Would she really help him have his own life?

Diego pondered the idea for a bit. Only a month later, when they went back to the diner, he took a bag with his important stuff and didn’t tell anyone about his plans. (Y/N) wasn’t there. It was 4.30 pm. He sat down in the booth where he had sat before, ordered a coffee and a jelly donut and waited. He looked at the clock. 5.30 pm. She wasn’t here. He decided to ask.

„Hi, sorry, is (Y/N) coming in today?“

„Oh, no, sorry, she graduated last week and moved out. She immediately joined the Doctors Without Borders. We’re worried but proud. She’ll be back in a few months. Do you know her?“, Agnes explained, smiling.

„Yeah, when she was working last months, she told me to come back if I knew what to do. I just- I know now, would you tell her that if you get to it?“, he put the money for his order onto the counter and left, into a new life.

Two years later

Diego had made it. He had received his associate’s degree from the Police Academy. Full in uniform, Saturday, five pm, he entered the diner again, hoping that maybe he’d see her again. He sat down in the same booth where he had sat two years ago, ordered a coffee and a jelly donut and waited. His siblings entered shortly after he had. 

„Oh my god, Diego?“, Alison said and sat down in front of him, „What the fuck? Mom was sitting in her gallery for days after she found your note, how could you just leave like that?“

„I have my own life. It’s great, you should try it.“ Diego looked down and smiled.

„Is that a police uniform? Where did you steal that from?“, Luther asked.

„Yeah, it is. And I didn’t steal it, I earned it. I went to police academy, I’m a policeman now“, Diego grew in his seat and pointed at his name tag, „You see ‚Hargreeves‘. That’s me. I’m a police officer.“

The bell by the door rang again and he looked up. She entered. It was her. (Y/N). Diego got up and joined her where she had sat down at the counter.

„Hi, remember me?“, he asked. She turned around and smiled at him.

„Hey, I’m sorry, I don’t think you ever told me your name, but yeah, I remember you“, she looked him up and down, „You got your own life, huh?“

„Yes, I’m Diego, by the way. Thanks. I don’t think I’d have ever started without you, so I owe you.“

She smirked. „Maybe you could pay up with dinner, tomorrow night?“

He laughed under his breath. „I’d like that.“

[saintstrawberry]

When The Night is Over/Just What I Needed

First Chapter of my first published fic is up on AO3!

Link: 

Voila~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/27733207/chapters/67879633

Ships: 

bokuaka, kuroken, kagehina, daisuga, daiaka 

Description: 

Akaashi is a struggling writer working two jobs. His high school best friend, Kenma, is a successful Youtuber/streamer who just so happens to be dating famous rapper Kuroo Tetsuro. After being convinced to go to a show for their friend Hinata’s birthday, Akaashi meets his tourmate, rising star Bokuto Koutaro. 

 Thank you for reading!! ❤（っ＾▿＾） 

 --------------- 

Road To Nowhere

Akaashi is only half listening as Kenma's monotone voice floods his ear. His phone is pressed up between his cheek and his shoulder as his hands work to stock cartons of milk at Sakanoshita. This is the most talkative Akaashi has heard his high school friend in quite some time. Eventually, it registers that Kenma is asking him something. Offhandedly, Akaashi makes a small sound of agreeance. He thinks they’re talking about Kuroo’s upcoming show.

“Akaashi.”

“Yes?” Akaashi hums in response.

“You’re not listening.”

He sputters into the phone in protest- despite knowing damn well he hadn’t a clue what Kenma just asked him.

“I just asked if you like Kuroo’s new single.”

“And?”

“And you said yes.”

“So? I could have liked it.”

“Akaashi. The only things you hate more than rap are unnecessary sequels and the Harry Potter books.”

“Oh,” Akaashi breathes out, taking a short break from his task and running his fingers through his hair. There is a pause as Kenma expectedly waits for an explanation.

“You know I’m at work.”

“We talk all the time when you’re at the store. You’ve been spacing out lately. it’s not like you.”

“It’s not like you to say something.”

“Yeah. Just worried about you.”

“I’m sorry Ken. I have a major deadline coming up,” Akaashi says offhandedly.

“I get it.” He knows Kenma does. His 23-year-old best friend has amassed quite a demanding following from his youtube and Livestream career. He promises content just about every other day.

“Just... uh. Try to get some sleep.” Akaashi wrinkles his nose.

“It’s weird to hear you give advice. Especially about sleep. Stop it.”

“You’re right. Anyway, if you need a break, I was planning on surprising Shou with tickets to the Tokyo show. I know it’s not your thing... It’s not exactly mine either. But it’s Kuroo’s first tour with another rapper- Hinata’s idol or something. I figured that would be a good gift for his birthday. You should be there. You know how Shouyo gets- he’ll want you there.”

He’s right. While he hasn’t known Hinata-san as long as Kenma has, the 20-year-old kid has taken quite a liking to him. Akaashi signs for the fourth time this call. Dammit Kenma, he thinks. The guy knows full and well no one can say no to Hinata.

“No.”

“’Kay. It's next Friday.”

“Sorry, Kozume,” Akaashi sighs.

“We have front row seats. Do you know how much someone would pay for these tickets?”

The older boy grits his teeth. If Kenma knows anything about his friend- it’s that he’s stingy with money.

“You already bought them?”

“Of course I did. Well, it’s Kuroo, so not really, but-”

“Find someone else, Ken. I have a lot of work to do. I’m sure Tsukishima wouldn’t mind going, he likes rap.”

“...We’re talking about Shou’s birthday, Akaashi. Not his worst nightmare.”

Akaashi grunts in response. Kenma tries a new angle.

“You know, I think you might like this other artist. I guess he used to be gunning for Japan’s Olympic team. Started getting good about two years after you quit so I don’t think you’d know him. Then he injured his knee and couldn’t play anymore, turned to music.”

“You know I don’t care for volleyball anymore,” Akaashi says flatly. Like he’s done a hundred times. He picks up another carton.

“Yeah. Think about it. For Shou. Gotta stream. See you Kaashi."

“Bye, Ken.”

Akaashi rubs his temples, already knowing the outcome of this situation. He knows Kenma’s only pressing him so much because he hates crowds. And Hinata would be too starstruck to help if something happened…

It takes more time than he’d like to admit before he notices the pool of milk forming in his lap.

“Dammit, dammit.” He mutters under his breath.

“You alright there, Keiji? You’ve been kinda zoning it all day,” his supervisor, Sugawara, offers him a wide grin and some napkins.

“Oh, yes, I’m fine, Sugawara-san. My apologies.” Akaashi begins patting himself dry.

“No problem, looks like that carton had a hole in the bottom. That’s why we have aprons!” Sugawara says cheerily. “And how many times do I have to tell you, call me Suga.”

But that’s what Daichi calls you, Akaashi thinks to himself dejectedly.

“Right. Sorry, Suga.” It even tastes weird in his mouth.

“Have a break, ‘kay, Akaashi?” Sugawara helps him to his feet. Akaashi offers a small bow.

It’d be much easier to hate his ex-boyfriend’s partner/new manager if he wasn’t so damn nice.

“Yes. Thank you very much.”

Akaashi sleeps through his lunch and a little into his shift. He wipes his eyes and adjusts his glasses, then peers at his watch.

“Shit.” He rushes back into the store from his “bed” in the storage room (two fifty pound rice bags), tying his blue apron as he goes.

“‘Morning, sleeping beauty. Welcome to the real world. I need a bagger on 3,” his younger co-worker, Tsukishima, chirps. Akaashi nods and hurries over.

“Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

It’s around five when Akaashi ends his shift. Sugawara, the bastard, let him out thirty minutes early. He relishes in his commute- the one hour in his day he gets to sit and think about nothing. He puts his headphones on and thumbs his mp3 player. When Akaashi’s finger involuntarily stops him at a particular track, he’s launched into a memory of two winters ago.

“MP3 player, wow. You don’t, uh, you don’t see those much anymore.”

Akaashi looked up from the floor of the subway and pulled his earbuds out, shocked to be met with the eyes of a tan, well built police officer settling into the seat across from him.

“Oh sorry, officer, um, what was that?”

The man, probably just a year older than him, Akaashi guessed, looked down at his uniform as if he was surprised to be in it. Then, he chuckled, albeit quite loudly. Akaashi, wildly confused, gave the brunette man a half-smile, nudging his glasses up further on his nose.

“Oh, whew. Sorry, sorry, I just got my badge today- never been called ‘officer’ before. Sounds so official.” Akaashi gave him a small, breathy laugh.

“Anyway, I just said you don’t see those a lot nowadays- the MP3 player, I mean,” The policeman gestured to Akaashi’s lap.

“Oh, right. Just had it since I was a teenager. Cheaper than streaming services, kinda.”

“I don’t know about that. Guess it depends on what you have on it.”

Akaashi smiled, "Yeah, yeah. I guess it does.”

“Oh, what, you’re just going to leave me in suspense?”

“Take a look for yourself,” Akaashi smirked, throwing the man his device, “Just don’t steal it.” That comment prompted a proper guffaw from the officer.

“No promises… Let’s see here… Well, well, well, Glasses likes some oldies, Al Green, Etta James. Impressive. You were last listening to ‘You Send Me’- Sam Cooke.”

“It’s a classic,” Akaashi pointed out.

“That it is,” The man tossed the MP3 back to him. There was a brief silence before,

“Darling youuu send me. Honest you do, honest you do, honest you do, whoooooaaaa. You thrill me,” The stocky passenger sang roughly, staring at the ceiling. Akaashi blushed fiercely, embarrassed at his company’s sudden outburst. The man opened his mouth to sing more but was interrupted by Akaashi nudging him with his foot. The officer feigned shock.

“Stop that.”

“Am I a bad singer? I’m offended, Glasses, really.”

“You just can’t do it in public.”

“I’m a police officer, remember? I can do whatever I want.”

“Oh, is that how that works?”

“It is, actually. Pretty handy.” The man continued to the next verse, now choosing to whistle. He then stopped for a moment and looked Akaashi in the eyes.

“It’s Daichi. Officer Daichi, to you.”

Akaashi gave him a small grin.

“Akaashi. Citizen Akaashi. Not Glasses.”

“Damn, and I really thought I got that one.”

[lindalevanimamm]

Reality- Chapter 7

I woke up feeling a lot better. I got up and found my way to a bathroom to get ready. More new things today. I only want to worry about two things. Number one, moving in. Number two, chat with the RFA. After I was showered and dressed, I made my way to the kitchen. It didn’t look like anyone was up yet, so I decided to start making breakfast for everyone. Well, I was, that is, until I opened up Saeyoung’s fridge. He and Saeran apparently don’t cook. It was full of Phd Pepper, and random things like cheese, milk, jelly, and just stuff you couldn’t make a meal with. I frowned. How are these two even alive? After digging through the fridge I found some eggs, and settled on just cooking them. I began to stand back up, after crouching to find the eggs, to shut the fridge. My eyes met with two others and I jumped back and fell, hitting my head on the fridge’s handle on the way back down. “Ow” I sighed. I looked up to see a worried looking Saeran. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” he stated then held out his hand to help me up. I took it. “You’re fine!” I replied. 

“So, uh, what are you doing?” he asked. 

“Well I was going to make breakfast, but you all don’t seem to have much. I did find some eggs though and I was going to cook them,” I answered. Saeran smiled at me, looking relieved. 

“Oh, sorry about that. I was going to make Saeyoung take me today to pick up ingredients since I ran out. I do the cooking for the most part. Saeyoung is a mess in the kitchen.” 

“Oh thank God. I was worried for a minute. I figured Saeyoung couldn’t cook due to the half cooked pancakes he made me, but I’m glad someone here is.” Saeran reached and grabbed the few eggs I was going to cook. 

“If it’s okay with you we can just order some food. I’ll be stopping off at the grocery store at some point when we’re moving you.” I smiled and nodded. I hope I’m not being too awkward. Ugh. Wait...what if instead of ordering we… I began to grin at the idea I just had. Saeran seemed to notice. “(Y/N) is everything okay?” he asked. 

“More than okay. What if instead of ordering food we, well, you know, go pick some up?” I trailed off. 

“Pick them up? How would we do that?” 

“Well, I know Saeyoung has cars, he always showed them off. It’s not like I’ve never driven before and the driving laws here can’t be that different…” 

“That sounds like something Saeyoung would flip out over,” he paused and smiled. “Let’s do it. I’m totally in!” I smiled back. Hehe I can finally drive a cool car! The two of us quickly and quietly made our way to the garage. We decided on which car we were going to take and grabbed the keys. I made my way into the driver's seat and smiled. It was so cool. I looked over at Saeran and beamed. 

“You ready to go?” I asked. He laughed and shook his head. 

“You’re crazier than him, but yes.” With that, I started the car. It sounds so cool. I was so excited. I started off driving slower than what I wanted, but I wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t crash and kill both of us. Once I was more comfortable, I was zooming. It felt amazing, it was exciting. The drive was mostly silent, but still comfortable. Saeran led me first to a grocery store. We got out and shopped together, making some small talk. After that we went to a cafe and picked up some breakfast to bring home. Saeran had the brilliant idea of bringing Saeyoung his favorite doughnut, as an apology for stealing his car. We were gone for around an hour and made it back safely…..or so I wish. I guess I had gotten a little too carried away and sped a bit too much as we were pulled over. As soon as I saw the lights I looked over at Saeran in horror. I’m not from this universe so it’s not like my licence is going to be valid, not to mention if he recognizes Saeran for any reason that could be really bad. I’m sure police are some the two tend to avoid. Both Saeyoung and Saeran had a complicated background and literally hacked into things for money. Saeran looked at me, slight worry in his eye. 

“Well, this sucks. When you pull over, switch me spots quickly and as discreetly as you can, then follow my lead,” he told me. I nodded and pulled over. As soon as I pulled over, we both unbuckled and switched spots, thankfully the policeman didn’t notice. I buckled back up, barely, I noticed my hands had begun to shake so it was difficult to buckle. I knew I shouldn’t have done this. This is what happens when you try to have fun (Y/N). Now you’ve made a big scene, not to mention having to tell Saeyoung when we get back. Ugh he’s going to be so mad at me!! Saeran rolled down the window and smiled. 

“License and registration,” the policeman stated. I don’t know how he got it, but Saeran pulled out a license, and reached over for the registration stuff and gave it to them. Once the policeman was out of eyesight and earshot, Saeran whispered to me. “In the glove compartment there is a heavy laptop, could you grab it for me?” Confused, I grabbed it and handed it to him. “Keep watch,” he stated. I watched as he opened it up and pulled up a database. Of course. He’s hacking our way out of this. Smart. But also could go wrong very fast. “S-Saeran,” I paused. “Are you sure that’s a good idea.” He nodded. I decided to trust him and keep an eye out to make sure the policeman wasn’t coming back. After only a few minutes, Saeran shut the laptop and handed it back to me to put back in the glove compartment. He smiled. “There. We should be good now.” We sat in silence waiting for the policeman to return. I was super anxious at this point, thinking of all the things that could go wrong and how Saeyoung would react. Eventually the policeman came back. 

“Mr. Choi?” they asked. 

“Yes?” Saeran answered. Did he really use his real name? Is that okay?

“Looks like everything is up to date, but do you know how fast you were going?” 

“Ah, I’m so sorry. My wife and I here were just trying to get home for our child's first birthday, we left him with the sitter to pick up some things for it. I honestly don’t know how fast I was going. I’m a bit excited I guess.” Saeran laughed hesitantly. 

“Well, you were getting close to 100mph,” the policeman paused. “I understand the excitement, but please watch you speed from here on. I’m sure your child would like for you to make it home.” 

“Yes. I am so sorry. Thank you.” The policeman nodded and drove away. Saeran turn to look at me. I shrunk down in my seat. 

“O-one hundred miles per hour (Y/N)? What the hell?!” 

“Sorry, I guess I got a little carried away,” I mumbled. 

“Well, please slow down from now on.” I nodded. We switched spots again. I started driving, feeling the pit in my stomach growing. I felt really bad. We made it back to the bunker and found Saeyoung waiting inside the garage. Saeran got out of the car first. I took a deep breath and tried to act like nothing happened. It didn’t work. 

“Saeran, what did I tell you about taking my cars without me! You’re such a bad driver my baby could have gotten hurt!” I heard Saeyoung whine to Saeran. Saeran tried not to smile. 

“I didn’t drive, but you should be worried about (Y/N)’s driving abilities,” he laughed. I looked down. 

“What are you talking about? (Y/N) are you okay? What happened?” I sighed, and continued to look at the floor. 

“Well, I, uh, kinda got a little excited to be driving such a cool car that I guess I was speeding a bit too much, and we, uh, we got pulled over…” I looked up and saw Saeyoung’s eyes grow wide, before softening. Then he started laughing. Not just a small laugh either, like full blown doubled over laughing. Saeran joined in making me even more confused. Why isn’t he mad? Once he finally calmed down he spoke. “Wow (Y/N), I would not have expected that!” 

“What?” I asked. 

“Oh wow, phew. I can’t tell you how many times Saeran and myself have been pulled over for speeding. How fast were you going? How did you get out of it? Or did my little bro fail you and you didn’t get away with a warning?” I was stunned. Saeran spoke for me. 

“Police said they were going over one hundred miles. And for your information, I got out of it very easily pulling a few hacking strings and lying a bit.” 

“Oh ho ho, nice!” Saeyoung held out his hand and fist bumped Saeran. What is happening? He’s seriously okay with all of this? “Tell me (Y/N), how fast were you going? Pleasssseee tell me I have to know!” I relaxed a bit. He really doesn’t care. Might as well be honest. 

“125,” I mumbled. His jaw dropped. 

“Did you just say 125 miles per hour (Y/N)?” he asked. I nodded. He clapped his hands. “Ladies and gentlemen a new record!” I watched as he walked over to a whiteboard and changed the 98 into a 125, and then wrote my name next to it. 

“What is happening?” I asked. 

“Oh well, Saeran and I have an ongoing competition to see who can get away with speeding. I held the record. I was going 98 miles per hour and was pulled over, but got out of a ticket,” Saeyoung explained. 

“Shouldn’t my name be going up there with (Y/N)’s? It was a team effort,” Saeran challenged. 

“Is this true (Y/N)?” I nodded. Saeyoung sighed and wrote Saeran’s name next to mine. Saeran smiled. I was still confused and shocked. Then it hit me. 

“Hold on, you two go around speeding and getting caught, just for fun? Then why did Saeran act so surprised and tell me to not speed? ” I asked. They both turned and smiled. 

“Yep! We speed for fun and hope to get pulled over.” Saeyoung answered me.

“Sorry, I was surprised at first. Then I realized you completely demolished Saeyoung’s record, but I was pretty sure if you kept going that fast we’d get pulled over again and it would be much harder to get out of that a second time,” Saeran answered the other question. I stood in awe and shook my head. Here I was thinking Saeyoung would be upset. I began to laugh.

“You two are insane.” 

The three of us made our way inside to eat. We ate and then decided to get on with our day. We spent the majority of the day going from store to store buying furniture, after looking at the apartment and deciding on what I would need. It took the majority of the day, but there were many periods of laughter and we had fun. Around 7pm, I finally had a fully-furnished and comfortable apartment, thanks to the help of both Saeyoung and Saeran. I was nervous about staying alone, but I let the two leave for the night. Saeyoung was quick to remind me that he was just a phone call away, so if I needed him to just call and he’d be here. I don’t think anyone has ever told me that before. I smiled and waved goodbye, as their car pulled away from my new apartment. 

[abri-chan]

It’s naive to see La Squadra as bad (a comparison between them and Buccellati’s Gang)

Buccellati’s Gang is also killing people. We assume they are good guys, because we see the story from their perspective. And in previous parts, the main characters have been the “good guys”. I think the twist is nice in Vento Aureo, because you start thinking La Squadra are the antagonists. Then you realize they were just another gang caught in the mess Diavolo made, because of his ambition.

The other twist is that there are no good guys in Vento, in the traditional Shonen sense. They are all grey characters, and sociopaths. Giorno starts as this kind guy (he’s a JoJo at heart, said Koichi), who steals here and there to survive. Which is understandable. But then he murders Polpo, and shows no change in personality. You’d think a “normal” kid would at least feel weird afterwards. Then you realize Giorno is just as much a Dio, as he is a Jonathan (he’s just good at hiding his duality). He’s so obsessed with his goal (compare to Dio��s obsession with Jonathan), he only cares about the next step in his plan, even while dying (Giorno has almost died so many times). Bruno is the light and hope of all the lost kids (and adults: Abbacchio). He’s also someone that tortured a 15 year-old, by making him vomit disembodied body parts. Narancia went from zero to level 100 yandere, willing to burn down the entire city. And so on.

At some point, it will become impossible to justify these characters as good people (in the traditional Shonen sense always). Which is why I love Vento, compared to previous parts. The characters are more complex. Being a sociopath, doesn’t mean they are all evil. We think so, because so far we’ve seen only Dio (both a sociopath and psychopath). Most of the Vento characters are sociopaths, because otherwise they would not survive. The life they were thrown into (even before becoming assassins, or joining a gang), caused them to become sociopaths in order to cope. Buccellati’s Gang is La Squadra few years down the line. I think both teams do care about their members. You can say La Squadra involves innocent people. But didn’t Bruno do that too, when pushed? When fighting Giorno, he hid himself in some random guy’s body. It just means La Squadra has been through a lot of shit, and to survive, they learned you have to sacrifice bystanders, sometimes. It says a lot that so few people from Buccellati’s Gang survive. You either cross the moral line, or you die.

I disliked Prosciutto so much, for being a dick to Pesci since the first moment he appeared. But remember how he was the only one commenting on the woman getting caught in the car mess (Formaggio should have been more careful)? I think he sacrificed everyone on the train, because he had his back against the wall. The boss knows La Squadra defaulted. Trish is their only hope. Half of the team is dead. Scratch that, it’s not a team to him. It’s his family. Some fans act as if they would not do crazy shit for the people they love. Assuming he’s evil, because he doesn’t show remorse (or emotional struggle) over his actions, is naive. La Squadra has been in business for a long time. They’ve learned to turn off their emotional side during their job. Think about doctors/nurses or the police, and how death is normal to them. They have to approach work with less emotion, or else they will lose their minds. A normal person won’t react to death like a doctor, or a policeman would. For all we know, any La Squadra member could be tossing and turning in his sleep, because of the murders they have done. Or they turn off emotions (to some extent), and become sociopaths. Sociopath doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing; it just means the person deviates in some ways from what’s expected from the average person. It doesn’t mean they are evil, or dangerous. Even though, in Vento’s case, all characters are dangerous.

Also Pesci’s and Prosciutto’s connection is so endearing. I love them together (one of the best brother dynamics in JoJo so far). It made me feel bad for Prosciutto. And I didn’t think I would feel bad; I was joking I will toast with milk when he dies. Prosciutto is a dick, and suffers from the need to show others he’s alpha. So the only way he knows how to show his brotherly love to Pesci, is by beating the alpha into him. Yet, as he was dying, he tried to help Pesci. Remember who else hangs on to life to help another character? Every JoJo best friend ever. The “good guys”. La Squadra has main character material. If in different circumstances. That doesn’t mean they are good people. They have redeeming qualities, and some fucked up traits. And they do fucked up shit. But Buccellati’s Gang is no different. It’s just that we are seeing them in an earlier point of their mafia “career”.

[sonita0526]

दिल्ली से सटे नोएडा में दूध का पैकेट चुराते सीसीटीवी कैमरे में कैद हुआ पुलिसवाला, देखें वीडियो

दिल्ली से सटे नोएडा में दूध का पैकेट चुराते सीसीटीवी कैमरे में कैद हुआ पुलिसवाला, देखें वीडियो

खास बातें

दूध की चोरी करते हुए नजर आए पुलिसवाले

राजधानी दिल्ली से सटे नोएडा की घटना है

चोरी की पूरी घटना सीसीटीवी में हुई कैद

नई दिल्ली:

टिप्पणियां

पुलिस का काम अपराधों पर लगाम लगाकर थोंस सलाखों के पीछे डालना होता है, लेकिन जब पुलिस ही थनों की तरह काम करने लगी तो सवाल उठना लाजमी हो जाता है। दिल्ली से सटे नोएडा से एक ऐसा ही मामला सामने ��या है। न्यूज एजेंसी एएनआई की तरफ से एक वीडियो जारी…

[thekoshertribble]

“The days and the years ahead are worth living for.” Women of Star Trek Blog Entry #17: “The City on the Edge of Forever” Edith Keeler

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.” This phrase, introduced in 1982′s Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, is most often associated with Spock’s ultimate sacrifice to save the Enterprise from destruction. But the concept this phrase represents had appeared in the original series, 20 years earlier, in certain moments and people. Nowhere else is this better represented than in the character of Edith Keeler, and her own sacrifice, in the iconic episode, “the City on the Edge of Forever.”

If you need a quick refresher, here is a short synopsis. When McCoy, in a drugged state, steps into the Guardian of Forever and alters Earth’s history, Kirk and Spock must follow him back in time to correct and save their timeline. The Guardian sends them back to the approximate place and time of McCoy’s alteration: New York City, during the Great Depression. They soon find the source of the alteration in the form of a young woman named Edith Keeler. While waiting for McCoy’s arrival, Kirk develops feelings for Keeler (and vice versa). At the same time, however, Spock discovers that McCoy’s prevention of her death in a traffic accident altered history. When McCoy arrives later in his drugged up state, Keeler finds him and does her best to nurse him back to health. A few days later, Spock and Kirk reunite with McCoy just as Keeler is crossing the street - McCoy steps out to try and save her, but Kirk holds him back, thus allowing her to be killed and correcting the timeline. A heartbroken Kirk returns with his two friends to the Enterprise.

The story mostly focuses on Kirk’s conflict of heart, having to choose between his own timeline and love: the needs of the many vs. the one. He makes the “logical” choice, saving his own timeline. However, it was Edith herself who had to make the ultimate sacrifice, giving up her life to save the future of Earth, even though she never knew it. 

To make matters more tragic, Edith Keeler did, (or would do) nothing wrong. This was not like Deadpool going back in time to kill Hitler as a baby. On the contrary, Keeler was a radical pacifist. Had she lived, she would become the leader of a nation-wide peace movement. Unfortunately, this peace movement prevented the United State’s entry into World War Two, thus allowing Nazi Germany to take over the world. As Kirk and Spock remark:

KIRK: But she was right. Peace was the way.

SPOCK: She was right, but at the wrong time.

In one scene, Edith remarks that Kirk seems out of place, which is obviously true. Ironically though, Edith herself seems to be out of place, in her own place and time. She sees a hopeful future of peace and prosperity that no one else around her can see, and she acts towards others they way that people in that future should act, in her opinion. I’m not going to go so far as to say she is flawless, but it’s very hard to find reasons not to like her. She possesses a great many positive traits, as noted in the following scenes:

When Edith first encounters Kirk and Spock in the basement of her soup kitchen, she has the following conversation:

KIRK: Excuse us, miss. We didn't mean to trespass. It's cold outside.

EDITH: A lie is a poor way to say hello. It isn't that cold.

KIRK: No. We were being chased by a policeman.

EDITH: Why?

KIRK: These clothes. We stole them. We didn't have any money.

EDITH: Well, I could do with some help around here. Doing dishes, sweeping, general cleaning. 

Her first line tells us two things about Keeler: One, she is not the gullible type. She can see through a man’s lies, even when he’s a charming at Kirk can be. Two: she has a strong moral code. This first line is partly reprimand, partly a refutation of an obvious lie. 

But, she balances that strong moral code with understanding and forgiveness. Instead of turning Kirk and Spock over to the cops or forcing them to return the clothes, she offers them a jobs with the soup kitchen. She understands they stole clothes out of necessity and desperation. She gives them work to not only alleviate their poverty; she also gives them an opportunity to “pay back” for their stealing by doing work.  In other words, while she doesn’t ignore the fact they stole, Edith looks to see the good in Kirk and Spock, and she believes they can be redeemed. 

We see this again a few scenes later, when Spock steals the tools from a workman’s box. She strongly reprimands him, and asks him why he did it, but she still does not lose her faith in him. (To be fair, her suspicion of him is alleviated by Kirk, but I still think Keeler ultimately came her own conclusions.) 

Her faith in people also extends to humanity in general. As soup is served to a small crowd of homeless people, Edith stands up on a podium and gives them the following speech:

“Now, as I'm sure somebody out there has said, it's time to pay for the soup. Now, let's start by getting one thing straight. I'm not a do-gooder. If you're a bum, if you can't break off of the booze or whatever it is that makes you a bad risk, then get out. Now I don't pretend to tell you how to find happiness and love when every day is just a struggle to survive, but I do insist that you do survive because the days and the years ahead are worth living for. One day soon man is going to be able to harness incredible energies, maybe even the atom. Energies that could ultimately hurl us to other worlds in some sort of spaceship. And the men that reach out into space will be able to find ways to feed the hungry millions of the world and to cure their diseases. They will be able to find a way to give each man hope and a common future, and those are the days worth living for. “

Before this speech, a man warns Kirk that he’ll “be sorry,” because he’ll “have to listen to goody-two-shoes” in exchange for the free meal. It’s suggests that Keeler gave this speech, or some variant of it, every night to whoever frequented the soup kitchen. Considering the dismal setting, its no surprise that the locals became a bit jaded by this daily optimistic message. It’s easy to write off her words as delusional, just as her audience does judging from their reaction, but Edith Keeler is not a delusional person. She is not naive to the pain and suffering around her - she runs a soup kitchen in the depths of the Great Depression, after all. She acknowledges her dark environment but does not allow that to stop her from seeing the light in humanity’s future. 

It’s this characteristic that, I think, draws Keeler to Kirk and vice versa. (Remember, Kirk survived the horrors of Tarsus IV, and despite that hardship, believes in the ability of humanity to rise above its bloodstained history.) He is impressed not only by her insight into future human events (atomic power and space travel), but her unwavering hope. 

EDITH: Why? What is so funny about man reaching for the moon?

KIRK: How do you know?

EDITH: I just know, that's all. I feel it. And more, I think that one day they'll take all the money they spend now on war and death

KIRK: And make them spend it on life?

EDITH: Yes. You see the same things that I do. We speak the same language.

KIRK: The very same. 

Lastly, her most obvious trait is her generosity and willingness to help anyone in need. We see this in her first scene, offering a job to Kirk and Spock, total strangers in her soup kitchen’s basement. She later finds them a “flop” to sleep in - otherwise the two men would probably have spent their nights waiting for McCoy in the city’s alleyways. Next, when on a date with Kirk, she senses something is bothering him, and asks: “Are you afraid of something? Whatever it is, let me help.” And finally, she finds McCoy as he stumbles into her soup kitchen and nurses him back to health in her office. 

Let me reemphasize that last bit. Remember when McCoy jumped back through the portal screaming bloody murder about bloody murder, and that homeless guy sees him, drops the bottle of milk he stole and bolts in the opposite direction? Contrast that to Keeler’s reaction, when she finds McCoy. To be fair, he’s not screaming bloody murder at this point - more like mumbling, really - but he still looks like a plague victim and no one wants to go near him. Except for Edith. Instead of running away from him, like everyone else around her, she does the exact opposite and helps him herself. 

Tragically, it’s her saving of McCoy that ultimately kills her. If she had ignored him, or called the police on him, he likely wouldn’t have been in the right place and time to save her life. 

None of this is to say that good deeds shouldn’t be done because they won’t be rewarded. Quite the contrary - we should do good deeds for their own sake, not for the reward we might get. Yeah, that might sound preachy and obvious, but it’s surprising just how easily we can forget these things in practice. 

Before I wrap this long blog post up, I’ll make one more point: although we’re not engaged in a world war or a devastating economic depression, it’s no secret things aren’t exactly great right now. My new years resolution was to stop saying “it can’t get worse,” because each time I said that I was proven wrong. But maybe Edith’s message is still relevant. Maybe the days and the years ahead are still worth living for. Just a crazy thought. 

Next entry: Operation: Annihilate!

[unlikely-allies]

Similar to what I did when I re-read Tithe, I am going to do a post a play-by-play of my thoughts while reading Valiant by Holly Black. This obviously means that WARNING THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

4.5/5

Valiant is a gritty and dark modern faerie tale, filled with trolls that live under bridges, magic kisses, sword fights, and beasts with inner beauty. Val is a runaway that quickly discovers that living on your own in New York City is only glamorous until it isn’t. This is a story for anyone who has ever wanted to just drop everything and leave. Anyone who has wanted to step out of their lives and not be someone else for a while. In stepping away from her life, Val discovers that she can be so much more than the sidekick in someone else’s story. I would recommend Valiant to readers who enjoyed Tithe by Holly Black, The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare, and for those who like the urban fantasy genre. The Modern Faerie Tales series is the reason that I have come to love modern fantasy and books involving the Fae.

So here we go,

• Val might be the first main character ever that is content with being the sidekick. • I think Ruth’s “some things exist whether you believe in them or not” button may be a bit of foreshadowing. • “Val punched Jen in the face.” Go Val! • Oh how I loathe washed up beauty queen moms. • If my boyfriend was that late I’d already be back in sweatpants resigned to staying home. • The city isn’t safe alone but here take this lipstick. What responsible parenting. • Tom’s an asshole. Its like he planned to bail on Val for the game so that he could hook up with her mom instead. • What do you even say to them in that moment? • Just walking out was probably the best choice. • Oh no, Ruth knew. • Bad mom, bad boyfriend, bad best friend! • Finding out your mom and boyfriend are hooking up is bad, but I don’t know if its shave your head in the train bathroom bad. • Oh how I don’t miss taking the train to Penn Station. It’s a germ pit of the worst kind. • You always think of the best comebacks once the situation has already passed. • I would’ve skipped the game and just gone for the pizza. • Missing the last train home is just the universe trying to tell you something. • Fun fact: you’re really not supposed to give kittens cream, or milk, or any dairy products for that matter. • Even on NY I’m not sure you’ll find decent enough stuff to sell while dumpster diving. • Street cart hot dogs are gross, sorry but they are. • That poor kitten. • I feel like letting random strangers get you drunk and then going home with them is the start of a bad kidnapping movie. • At least Val recognizes how sketchy this is. • Not sure I could just drift off to sleep on a subway platform next to a guy affectionately referred to as sketchy Dave. • Sketchy Dave and Luis have the tragic backstory straight out of an episode of 20/20. • Luis seems to have a soft spot for subway rats. • What a warm welcome Luis. • We have risen to a new level of drug-riddled sketchiness. • Just gagged a little at Sketchy Dave eating dumpster pasta. • I don’t think Dave doing pull ups on the subway is the scariest thing this man will ever see in NYC. I don’t think it’s the worst thing he will see today. • So Sketchy Dave is some kind of Faerie drug dealer? • “Believe what you can handle believing.” - Lollipop • The rhyme is actually: “one bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot one another. A blind man came to watch fair play. A mute man came to shout hurray. A deaf policeman heard the noise, and he came and killed those two dead boys.” • Who would’ve guessed, a troll that lives in a bridge. • Lolli is stupid to be stealing from a troll. • Val trades a month of service to the troll so that he will spare Lolli. • Way to be ungrateful Lolli. • Nevermore. I love a good Poe reference. • “Never more than once a day, never more than a pinch at a time, and never more than two days in a row.” • Say no to drugs kids. • Dave, creative self-mutilation is not the way to a woman’s heart. • Chinese food heals the soul. • Sorry, can’t feel bad for Val’s pervy mom. • Ravus is an interesting name for a troll. • I guess even troll businessmen need administrative assistants. • I doubt Ravus is the poisoner. Seems like a bad business strategy. • NYC is just home to some of the nicest people… • Few things would be more traumatizing than finding a dead mermaid. • They’re going to have to invent faerie-narcotics anonymous meetings just for Lolli. • Hmmm, Ravus came from a Court, but which one? • Roiben name drop! • Follow up: Ravus is from the Seelie Court. • So Ravus is essentially in self-imposed exile? Sucks that Mabry was forced to leave with him. • Voluntary courier service in exchange for swordplay lessons… seems fair. • Its bad when the guy who sees faeries is calling you a freak. “Loony Lolli, Sketchy Dave, Crazy Val.” • They just finished talking about there being rat poison in the Never and then they turn around and shoot it up? • They just made themselves at home in someone else’s apartment…while the family is still home… • Lolli actually just tossed the kitten in front of the subway train. I now hate Lolli. • Ravus, obviously she’s not sick if she’s trying to get with you. Its definitely something else… • The Never is like eating her alive so naturally the thing to do is steal an entire bottle. • So glamoring each other into other people and then having sex is really creepy. • Ruth actually brought the flour sack child with her on her rescue mission. • So Lolli is a bitch. • And Ruth didn’t question any of that? A woman just got turned into a dog and she says nothing. • Sleeping in Central Park is the perfect way to get murdered. • Mabry really knows how to kill a mood. • “I had thought everything of you.” My heart is breaking for Ravus. • Ruth is really taking all of this in stride. I’m impressed. • Ok so Mabry is the poisoner. That means Dave definitely is the accomplice since he is the one skimming off the Never for himself and Lolli. • The hair harp is very morbid and Silence of the Lambs-ish. • Hair harp literally says Mabry is guilty and that she is trying to frame Ravus. • RIP flour sack baby. • Oh damn, Dave had Luis faerie-napped. • I don’t think the hospital will know what to do with a faerie drug OD. • No, Ravus! • Mabry literally ripped out Ravus’ heart. • Awh Luis you’re more than just a one-eyed bum. • The Unseelie Court would be in New Jersey. • Still don’t feel bad for Val’s mom. • “Take me to your leader.” Jeez. • Roiben and Kaye! • Val defended Roiben. Val’s a badass! • Yea she’s definitely in shock. • Luis really should have taken Val to the hospital. • She did not just magic-kiss him awake. • She literally dueled over your heart, obviously she likes you. • I’m not sure Ravus is her mom’s type so I think she’s safe with this one. • I’ll just pretend that somehow Val is secretly a faerie like Kaye so that last line isn’t so bittersweet.

[airyairyaucontraire]

The Jeeves and Wooster novels by PG Wodehouse frequently feature plots in which people go to stay at someone’s country house; in one of them, The Code of the Woosters, Bertie Wooster gets roped into a plot by his Aunt Dahlia to steal an antique silver milk jug in the shape of a cow (the milk comes out through its mouth) which her husband Tom Travers badly wants for his collection, requiring him to get himself invited as a weekend guest at Totleigh Towers, the country house of Sir Watkyn Bassett. That isn’t difficult because Sir Watkyn’s daughter Madeline is friends with Bertie’s cousin Angela Travers and engaged to his friend Gussie Fink-Nottle, but owing to a misunderstanding believes Bertie to be in love with her (his personal code of chivalry forbids him to tell her he isn’t) and has a habit of deciding to marry him instead if she ever breaks up with Gussie, who is obsessed with newts. But it is difficult because her father is the judge who dealt with Bertie when he was in court for playfully stealing a policeman’s helmet while drunk and already believes him to be a kleptomaniac. And in an effort to boost his confidence Gussie has taken to carrying around a personal burn book in which he writes all his criticisms of Sir Watkyn and his friend the aspiring Fascist dictator Roderick Spode, which of course he loses, and there’s a dog, and - it just all gets a bit tricky for Bertie.

Something I randomly think about a lot is how when very old castles, manors, and large country estates were built, they were built with the expectation of guests. In eras when you rarely travelled over a hundred miles from home, when one did travel guests stayed for long periods of time with friends and relatives. Wealthy people would have guests in their home frequently (virtually all the time, if you were royalty), so huge houses (and staffs) accommodated for multiple guests on long stays. More homes were multi-generational, too.

And now when people live in big houses it’s usually just themselves. Maybe 4-6 in a family, and when the kids get married and move away? Maybe only 1 or two. Guests rarely “sleep over,” and almost never longer than a weekend. I don’t know exactly what caused the cultural shift, but it fascinates me.

[iiarchive]

Cleveland July 31st

See anything wrong/missing? Please let us know!

Please click ‘read more’ to view the details from the show! It WILL contain spoilers from the show!

‘Props’/Opening of the Show

Starts with what they are not going to do

Mentions ‘erotic role play’

Dan as a criminal, Phil as a policeman, voiceover of implied smut

Dan and Phil ‘strip’

Truth Bombs

Dan: whats hidden in their browsing history?

A: how to be a low-key furry, when will nick jonas be in london, pet llama for sale

Phil: what form of torture would make them say anything?

A: burning houseplants (winner), cussing on youtube,

D&P: what would a documentary about their lives be called?

A: True Life: Kidnapped by my stalker (winner), where did we go wrong?, two bros chillin’ on a sofa

Ball & Mystery Box

Phil threw a ball into the audience to guess what was ‘inside’ the mystery box

Fursuit for a gerbil, patch the dog, extra kneecaps

Dan VS Phil

Psychic Connections - Top Dan Memes of 2017. (Dan - Wholesome Howell, Phil - Dan in the Bahamas)

Phantastic Phacts

This part has been removed from the show.

Dan, Phil, or a Rat?

Picture: Rat (Phil got it wrong, guessed Dan)

Picture: Rat (Dan got it right)

D&P Dilemma

For Phil: Dan is attacked by a swan, to save him Phil has to shave his head. Phil didn’t do it.

For Dan: Phil is going to fall in a pool of cheese, but to save him Dan has to drop his laptop. Dan didn’t do it.

Friendship Test loser - Phil (29 - 28, Dan is in the lead) 

Wheel of Doom

Dan was sacrificed.  

Good VS Evil

Dan - Moth landing on hand, eating tide pods, friend stealing your food

Phil - getting an extra mcnugget in your 10 piece, freshly baked cookies, puppies on a plane

Getting Deep

Q: I want to visit London, is it like Sherlock? When is the best season?

A: It is a bit like Sherlock, there is a lot of crime. There are the red telephone boxes, but people pee in those (the true London experience according to Dan). The best time to go is in May, because it isn’t overly hot and it does not snow in London, going in winter you will just be miserable and cold.

Q: Are there any differences between filming a gaming or main channel videos?

A: Yes there are, Dan says there are less existential crisis’ filming the sims. There is more that can go wrong filming a gaming video, since you are capturing the game, Dan says there is like a 50% chance it will just break, but if it all works its easier. Dan mentions there is a 50% he will break when filming a main channel video too. They love making both of them. Explain why they started the gaming channel, they spend all their time playing video games anyways and decided it was good enough content to put on the internet. Phil said its fun, and Dan says its fun besides when Phil does the thing with dan vs phil because then is “unfair”.

Q: Do you have any advice for moving in with a roommate?

A: Dan starts with a very long “ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......I’ve never lived with anyone I don’t hate” (clarifying he is joking obvs). Dan said stalk them on the internet. Phil says it is important to communicate with them, even before you move in. The main advice was to let them know to tell you when you do something that actually annoys them, because those feelings can build up. 

P: Bake them a cake for when they arrive

D: WHEN DID YOU BAKE ME A CAKE?? Bad friend see that’s why you got electrocuted.

P: Yeah ................ why? 

D: Because you didn’t bake me a cake.

P: I got you a Domino’s pizza what more do you want?

D: I’m happy we ordered pizza *mocking the crowd* awwww

Golden II Awards

They wore glitter suits

Give fandom awards to the audience

Phil’s Diss Track

Assumed lyrics to Phil’s Diss Track thus far

Dan on Piano

Dan plays a song on the piano

Has to do with him and Phil’s origin story

Phil interrupts by returning to his diss track momentarily

Interactive Introverts Duet

Dan and Phil sing a duet with Dan playing the piano

About how they’re ‘Interactive Introverts’

*Bonus*

The audience was named Sandra.

The referenced ‘fizzy milk’ multiple times. Anytime some audience members would cheer for Satan or Dan and Phil Crafts, Dan would refer to them as ‘the milk people’

During the ‘good vs evil’ part Phil’s way to make them evil every time was that every thing had ‘tiny knives’

During the ‘good vs evil’ part Dan walked off stage for the ‘friend stealing food’ like he did in the Cincinnati show.

When ‘is Nick Jonas in London’ was mentioned, Dan laughed and said Nick was engaged now and ‘Dick was over’.

Phil talked about his creation video.

The ball from the gun during the wheel rolled off the stage and the person handed it back to Phil and he said ‘sorry about your hands’ since there’s paint on the balls.

*Current pre-show/intermission playlist*

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[jouissanccs]

They passed an oddly well maintained patch behind the water tank, where a saucer of milk and a pile of mithai had been spilled and pocked by the sleet. This weedless corner dated to the time when the cook, defeated by a rotten egg and made desperate, had defecated behind the house instead of at his usual place at the far end of the garden, thereby angering two snakes, mia-bibi, husband and wife, who lived in a hole nearby. The cook told the policeman of the drama. “I wasn’t bitten, but mysteriously my body swelled up to ten times my size. I went to the temple and they told me that I must ask forgiveness of the snakes. So I made a clay cobra and put it behind the water tank, made the area around it clean with cow dung, and did puja. Immediately the swelling went down.” The policemen approved of this. “Pray to them and they will always protect you, they will never bite you.” “Yes,” the cook agreed, “they don’t bite, the two of them, and they never steal chickens or eggs. In the winter you don’t see them much, but otherwise they come out all the time and check if everything is all right. Do a round of the property. We were going to make this part a garden, but we left it to them. They go along the fence all around Cho Oyu and back to their home.” “What kind of snake?” “Black cobras, thick as that,” he said and pointed at the melamine biscuit jar that a policeman was carrying in a plastic bag. “Husband and wife.” But they had not protected them from the robbery … a policeman banished this irreligious thought from his mind, and they skirted the area respectfully, in case the snakes or their offended relatives came after them.

— Kiran Desai, The Inheritance of Loss