#Plus I like Amy’s sense of humor and way of acting so I would have enjoyed it

[mommyhorror]

Haven’t seen it yet but what are the radblr takes on the Barbie movie 🍿

[mustlovemustypages]

Yuletide 2020 Letter

Dear potential writer,

I truly hope all is well with you and yours. No matter what state you find yourself in, my wish is that Yuletide boosts your spirits and gives you the extra jolt we all could use to usher in the new year. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and thank you in advance if you decide to write anything for me!

Below are my desired fandoms and pairings along with story ideas that I would love to see written. Please don’t feel stifled by my prompts; I’ve also listed my general likes and dislikes at the very bottom of this letter if you decide to go a different route.

Little Women (2019):

Characters: Amy March and Theodore “Laurie” Laurence”

The main reason I adore this adaptation is because it made me see why Amy and Laurie ended up together. They had very similar worldviews and fit so well what the other needed. Both deserved to be with someone that valued them for who they are. With Laurie, Amy was not just financially secure but with someone who encouraged her to express herself creatively, politically, or however she chose. With Amy, while she grounded Laurie in reality and challenged him to be the best version of himself, he didn't have to fundamentally change to make her happy.

Story ideas:

These quotes really show how Amy's perspective on life was different than her sister's: "You are your family's hope." (Aunt March) "I’ve always known I would marry rich." (Amy March) That's a lot of pressure on someone so young. We heard some of Laurie's thoughts, mostly that he didn't think Amy should feel ashamed for wanting that. How would some of that pressure continue even after she got married, and what would Laurie say to make her realize they were in life together as a team and she didn’t have to suffer the weight of the world alone?

The conversation between Amy and Laurie in the painting studio showed just how level-headed and intelligent she was. Laurie, while not wholly agreeing, was respectful and didn't discount her thoughts. It would be interesting to see the impact on their story if Vaughn hadn't arrived, and this had played out more. Would the proposal have happened earlier and/or how would later scenes be altered as a result of further conversation?

What did the other characters think of Amy and Laurie's relationship, and how did it change after seeing them interact more as a couple? It would be interesting to read about Meg, Marmee, John, or some of the other characters realizing they were genuinely a good match for each other.

Post-canon, I'd love to get a glimpse of what kinds of conversations they had. Did Amy encourage Laurie to pursue a career and find what he was passionate about (music perhaps as Laurie mentioned writing an opera)? And similarly, did Laurie encourage Amy to pursue her art? Did they continue to have in-depth conversations about societal pressures and expectations of gender in certain economic classes?

Tenet:

Characters: The Protagonist, Kat, and Neil

Tenet is the first movie I've seen in theaters since Star Wars IX. There have been some mixed reviews, but my love for Christopher Nolan sci-fi films combined with the experience of stepping foot in a theater again made it a wonderful experience for me. Sure, the plot could be confusing at times, but it was fun trying to fit certain puzzle pieces together and oh so thrilling when things just clicked into place in the most satisfying ways.

I adored the dynamic between Neil and the Protagonist. The easy friendship, the banter, the suits... everything. I also loved the relationship between the Protagonist and Kat. It started off as each using the other but transformed into one of genuine care on both sides. Ever the romantic, I definitely saw something more than just friendship between the two and was slightly disappointed the movie didn't explore that aspect more.  

For pairings, I’m interested in friendships between all of the characters. I’d be interested in seeing a romantic relationship between Kat and the Protagonist if you’re up for that, but not between Neil and Kat, nor Neil and the Protagonist. If you really want to give a romantic partner to Neil, I'd be fine with Laura (or an original female character if she’s not the focus of the story), but please, no slash. While I’d be ecstatic to see all three characters together, if you can only find a way to fit in two, that’s wonderful as well!

Story ideas:

Even though Andrei Sator is gone, there are still other players in the game, some like Priya, who want to eliminate Kat or even abduct her with the delusional idea she can continue her husband's work. The Protagonist (and Neil, if you so choose) ensures no harm comes to her, and he realizes that keeping her at a distance may not have been the best idea.

I personally don't buy into the fan theory that Neil is Kat's son Max; however, I do find the idea intriguing and would be up for reading about how that worked. The Protagonist breaks his rule and sees Kat, helping to raise her son Max/Neil and eventually teaching him about inversion.

The Protagonist doesn't have to wait quite as long as he'd thought to see Neil again. It can be the Neil who had already met him and knows about Tenet or the Neil who knows nothing about inversion.

What conversations did Neil and Kat have while the Protagonist was asleep after almost freezing to death? Maybe Neil explained the finer workings of Tenet and inversion more in-depth. Perhaps they discussed the Protagonist. 

Clueless:

Characters: Cher Horowitz and Josh Lucas

This movie set the bar high for teen romantic comedies. How can anyone ever beat 90s Alicia Silverstone and Paul Rudd? Plus, the relationship between their two characters is fantastic. Josh and Cher just bring out the best in each other. Cher shows Josh that he doesn't need to be so serious all of the time and that people are more than their outer appearances. Josh makes Cher want to be a better person, and he believes that she's not just a pretty face. Their banter and playful moments always make me smile.

Story ideas:

Knowing Josh and Cher end up together, this brings a heightened awareness to rewatches. They have so many casual touches and exchanged glances (when did Paul Rudd's eyes get so blue?) that it's hard to miss their natural chemistry. It may take quite some time for Cher's dad to notice anything has changed because they don't act all that different from before. Is there something that makes him finally take notice? How does he react?

Sort of related to the last prompt, there's a moment where Josh decides to go to the dance to keep an eye on Cher and Christian, and you can tell by Mel Horowitz’s smirk he realizes Josh has a crush on Cher. Does he do anything to push it along or play matchmaker just like his daughter?

I've always been curious about whether or not Josh believes Cher's story about being assaulted in the car by Elton and then held at gunpoint. We skip over Josh pulling up to the phone booth and go straight to Cher already being in the car. How did Josh react when she reiterated the story, and does he instantly believe her, or does it take some convincing? I'd like to see if he comforts her and if they both go together to tell Cher's dad what happened.

Cher is obviously very intelligent socially, if not always so much academically. When it comes time to apply for college, what does she major in? And how is Josh a positive influence in Cher's life, encouraging her to be ambitious and not letting negative comments from guidance counselors or teachers dissuade her?

Things I don’t like:

Alternate Universes – For the specific fandoms that I picked, I really like the universes as they are. I’m definitely okay with deviations from canon, but please don’t make Little Women into a supernatural werewolf story or have Tenet take place in a mundane coffee shop setting. (I don’t mind Soulmate AUs or something similar because those can be incorporated into canon with little change to worldbuilding).

Non-Con/Rape/BDSM/Sexual Violence/Graphic Sex – I like my characters to be happy and everything within ships to be 100% consensual, no question about it (mentions of non-con if it occurred in canon is fine). I also prefer plot over porn, especially with one-shots.

OT3s – Two people per romantic relationship, please. Any more than that makes me uncomfortable.

Character Bashing - Unless a character is a bad guy in canon, I don’t want to read hundreds of words about how awful they are, especially if they are one of the characters that I requested. Don’t take it out on the characters. If you hate my pairings, just write gen.

Things I love:

Hurt/Comfort – There is nothing I love more than one character comforting another. The hurt can be physical, psychological, or both.  

Happy Endings – I’m all for the realistic endings… but if they could be plausible AND at least happy-ish, that would be amazing.

Expanded Scenes/Contorting Canon – Feel free to expand scenes and change up the canon to your heart’s content as long as it makes logical sense.

Humor/Banter/Snark – I thrive on this stuff.

Bonding/Building Relationships – Whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship, I adore reading about two people growing closer together. When characters know each other so well that they can have conversations with just their eyes or anticipate the person’s next move (especially if it’s to the surprise/confusion of everyone around them), my shipper heart is thrilled.

Dark to Light – Seeing a character come out of a bad mindset or situation and get better is so satisfying.

Happy writing and I hope you get the Yuletide gift of your dreams!

- Maddy @mustlovemustypages (on Tumblr, Ao3, and FF.net)

[bigscaryyanderewriter]

Playing the Long Game (Spy x Reader)

3k words

YOU RECEIVE A GIFT TODAY, PEASANTS. IT TWAS COMMISSIONED BY A LOVELY PERSON.

Tw: Yandere Themes, Knife Play, Bondage, Gags, Torture mention, Smut

Living in the clutches of Spy never really tested you, since you only took opportunities when they presented themselves. Escape never became an option, really. It wasn't so bad, playing the role of a captive, since you had been in the profession yourself. As a spy, not a captive, though you had spent a fair amount of time playing that as well.

He knew you only would escape if he gave you the chance, if he were to be weak. That was why he never was very sympathetic with you. Underestimating someone he respected would be a fatal mistake, especially how long you patiently wait for any way to strike him. To say things were tense would be incorrect, though the nuances of your interactions were often missed. Really, you two could have been dancers with the social routines you have when with one enough. 

You never hated each other. Something else was there, but neither of you really understood it. Maybe it was love? You think it was being in the same boat as people.

You could remember first meeting him, opposing one another. In disguise, you looked at him and slowly worked through that defense. He knew though as soon as he saw you. You could say it was the preposterous love at first sight. He was prepared to kill you right there and then, but you kneed him in the groin before hopping out of a window. You weren't weak, but you could admit to the way your heart stopped at he looked into your eyes. It was… Intimidating. 

You would meet again though, and again, and again. Sometimes him in disguise, you would catch him and attempt to kill him. Sometimes reverse. You were well acquainted when you both wound up bound back to back in the containment container of a third party. He worked with those mercs and you were an independent party, but you had very similar enemies.

You blinked as you shifted slightly, peering through your eyelashes around the room.

"Ah, you're awake then? It is just us, don't worry." His voice was bored as you both were stuck with nothing much to do.

"Hm, oh, it's you. Been a while, Spy… Should have known I would get stuck with you of all the mercs." You laughed in a rough way, your throat was hurting a bit as you leaned back against him. 

"Were you hoping for someone else?" The man behind you said while you moved your unbound feet about. You moved your foot up to rest on your knees and leaned down. Amateurs didn't even check your shoes, underestimating you was stupid.

"No, I just found that I should buy a scratch off today, because I am quite lucky. Anyways. Would you like to get out of here, mon ami?" You mimicked his accent with a sly smile as you knew he was grinning behind you. It was a mutual sense of humor.

"If you have a plan, then that would be much appreciated." He moved his hands as far as he could apart with the restraints.

It was a small wire cutters you pull from your shoe with your teeth. Turning your head, you drop it into your hand and cut the cords that hold you both together. Only a couple of snips and voila! You were free as you both got up, beginning to figure the rest of the "plan" out.

The rest was history, a story of bonding as you both sneak your way out of a shipping container and through the yard without alerting anyone. Why work together? The enemy of my enemy is my friend and right now. You both were feeling chummy as all get out. It was delightful to talk with someone similar to you, plus he paid for dinner when you both were safely away. Surprisingly, he was good for a smoke too. Well, it wasn't a surprise. You were just happy he didn't give you a cyanide cigarette as you looked up at the beautiful, starry sky.

Parting ways, you hadn't failed in seeing him fight over whether or not to give you a particularly lovely flower from a vendor. You laughed under breath, but you told him you were flattered and that you would be off now. 

"Try not to be so obvious next time, heartbreaker." You smirked before absconding into the nightlife, vanishing from him. The way you said that made his heart thud within his chest as under his mask… A blush formed, a feeling he hadn't felt for a while. It was an unfathomable feeling, like as if he was some boy in a schoolyard looking at a girl who just beat him in his best game.

It took awhile for you to run into one another again. When you did though? Sparks of a whole different kind flew when you had to fight off Pyro with nothing but a squirt gun filled with balsamic vinegar and a large tarp. It was easier than you would expect. Leaving dead in your wake as you had just scurried through their base. Spy was there, a flower in hand as he approached you and in a moment of surprise. A syringe was in your neck and you were out, only to hear the faint, "Merci beaucoup, Medic."

You woke up where you still find yourself, a rather lavish apartment in what you suspect has to be Europe. Never were you sure. You never asked anyways, since there was nothing for miles with how long it took Spy to go get groceries. He could be trying to fake you out though. You feel constantly paranoid.

The windows you couldn't break, not that you wanted to. You had no reason to break anything. If the Spy wanted you dead, then you would be dead and torture didn't seem to be on the table as well. Too nice of a place for that. Running a hand on the slight dust covering the counter, you purse your lips. This wouldn't do. You were above such conditions, so you went to cleaning.

Sure, it was nicer than any other place you have been locked in, but if they were trying to make it nice and they didn't go all the way? You have standards! Standards that would be met as you went to work, needing to keep busy as you waited.

Impatience was a weakness.

The longer you stay there, the more bored you got and anxious you became. Picking up a cookbook as you looked through various recipes and at the freshly stocked ingredients. Time passed and soon you had the Spy arrive. He explained everything. It wasn't intimidation or some threat that he used, just a calm voice. You jokingly said that you needed a vacation anyways, but you saw the turret outside the door when he came in. He acted like nothing was off.

You were well behaved, having been searched for all the gadgets you had on your person. There was nothing for you to use other than the stuff supplied, but it wasn't anything for you to escape with. It drove you slowly to the brink as you got cabin fever. You needed to get out of there. It was too much when things were stagnant. Nothing would happen, only Spy showed up to keep you company. Spy was your sole source to the outside world aside from books and newspapers. You were trapped.

Spy made it clear through… Subtle means that there would be consequences if you tried to leave. Both of you knew. It was irritatingly like chess. You broke though, willpower to keep staying here gone. Luxury or not, you needed to breathe. Every inch of the accessible areas in the apartment had been etched into your memory. You knew the locks on the windows, the little holes in places where you were probably not supposed to notice them.  

You broke through the window. It was so easy and you feel a prick to the back of your neck though and your body crumpled down into the glasses and everything faded out of existence. Trapped.

You woke up in a much… The place was not nearly as nice, the position you were in… The binds dug into your wrists and a gag sat within your mouth. Trying to struggling you winced at the cuts on your arms from when you fell into the glass. Everything ached. You were laying on a bed, arms and legs akimbo as you feel the nakedness of your body.

He had it all planned, didn't he? You thought you were so smart, but your mother always warned you that someone would be smarter. Your pride made you doubt her. Now you were trapped in by this fucking Spy, alone and forgotten by the world it seemed. It was not what you wanted. You wanted to leave, escape.

The knife being sharpened by Spy as he sat in the corner gleamed in the low light. "Bonsoir, ma chere… I'm glad you're awake. You've been so good, but nothing can last. Hm?" 

You groan while you shift a bit, you back too hot against the mattress. It was annoying. Trying to talk through the gag made drool form, but it wasn't anything intelligible. Weakness was sitting in you as you laid there. Soon, he was moving towards you, pulling off his jacket to put on a nearby coat hanger and came over.

"I think you know that I don't do intimidation. This knife isn't for scaring, I'm afraid that… You have a lesson to learn." He spoke, dragging the cold blade across your bare skin. It made you shiver, flesh covered with hard goosebumps. Your nipples pert with the chill of the room and fear. You were afraid after so long.

The knife pressed harder, making your whimper through the gag in your mouth. You were unable to get words out. It was rough. It was the knife digging in a little and blood was drawn. You had been cut before, had been tortured before. You have the scars as proof, but Spy didn't want information. He just wanted to prove a point to you, to make it known that he was in charge.

Hot crimson dripped from inside you as you stare with empty eyes. It was not fun. There was nothing left to do, but endure as he made cuts along you that let muffled cries fumble through the gag. It didn't hurt has bad as it could have though, the cuts shallow as he listed off offences. Some arbitrary and repetitive for your escape, some for not being wise enough to have just found something else to do, being stupid, hurting yourself and some were just him saying how long he was forced to wait for you. 

Spy was patient usually, but now. Here you were bleeding as he sliced you up like deli ham, mouth moving down to lick some of the cuts and making you twitch. You had been naked in front of men before, you had killed men while bare. Lying beneath Spy had your eyes watering and breath hitching with each movement of him. 

His blue eyes on you as he slowly shifted above you. A smile on his face with his mask still covering the top of it. Your own had been stolen long ago. Nothing to hide you, everything on display as he trailed a gloved finger along your knee. It made you shiver again as he slowly moved forward.

"You are quite irresistible in this state, bleeding and in tears… Aw, how delicate you must be." He mocked slightly, "Poor girl, poor girl. Maybe we should get you back to the kitchen. Warm milk and cookies for you and off to bed? It is so much easier for both of us if we are honest with one another."

"That is the thing you need in a relationship, honesty or that is what most people say. I would rather have passion." He murmured in your ear as the knife caressed your cheek. You feel that weakness still sit inside you, holding back violent sobs. The pain, humiliation, and the way he was making you want to pounce on him despite everything was driving you crazy. Maybe you enjoyed the way he made you hurt, maybe this shift was closer to what you were used to. You would rather be anywhere else. 

Gripping your thigh now, Spy looked down on you as traced the knife along where your femoral artery would be. A dark chuckle escaping as he looked at your tightly closed eyes and mouth loosely holding around the gag. It was taking everything to remain still. A knife there was something you didn't want as you knew death would come fast if you were cut. 

The knife was tossed aside as he gripped your face, slowly kissing along your jaw and working his hand down between your legs as he massaged the place where the knife had been held. It was a sudden shift, his hungry mouth on you as you whine under him. It hurt to be so needy, the touch was welcome as you took the lovely feeling until his fingers dug into one of the cuts.

A shriek came from behind the gag as you writhed slightly beneath him. He laughed against your skin pulled the bloody hand to wipe it around the gag, some getting in your mouth and on your tongue before. He hunched over your form as he quit hurting you purposefully, moving to slide his hand downward.

Spy's eyes burned into your flesh as he slowly rubbed at the bundle of nerves between your legs. You tried to remain stoic now as he toyed with you, teeth gritting on the plastic. 

"I have been wondering for a while, although a bit selfishly. Did you stay so long out of strategy or just because you wanted to stay?" He quickened the pace on your clit, making you growl.

Everything was warmer as you took heavier breaths through your nose, ignoring the pleasure as he went to kiss your chest. Moving he teased and pulled on you, making a quiet moan slip. Thus began the full assault as he went up to pull the gag away. His hand speeding up in way that had your mouth forming a silent scream. 

"I suppose that feels good then?" He quipped before pulling his hand away, making you look directly at him.

"Are kidding me? If you're going to do it, at least do it fully." You scoffed as your privates pulsed with need and your body felt cold without him touching it. Rolling your hips, you whined as you ground up against the bulge with his clean dress pants. A gruff noise escaped him as he frowned.

"I don't think you realize what a punishment is." He scoffed a bit.

"What do you want then? To teach me a lesson? Pay attention to me, make me want to stay with you. Nothing is exciting though! I liked it better when we were both out there." Eyes rolling a bit as you worked harder to drive him as crazy as you feel. Pent up, tired of waiting, looking for escape. 

He moved his face down, lips against yours while his hand went to grab your hind end and kneading it in his hand. The way he was rubbing against you had you grunting into his mouth as you both put in the work. His hand went to unbuckle his pants, pulling them down before slipping a condom on. Both of you were panting unable to stop at this point as he slid into you. Groans came from both of you, you gasped and he placed his hands on the bed beside your head.

Two bodies panting and gasping as you bucked upwards into his thrusts as you cried out. It was hard to move with the way you were held down by the restraints, but your hips moved up against him. His own hips pumping in and out of you as you curled your hands into the sheets.

"A-ah! Fuck, you're so tight- Hmm, so needy for me…" He sighed into your ear, he was setting a growing pace as the sounds of your bodies echoed through the room. It was intense as skin smacked against skin, sweat beginning to burn the fresh cuts and even open some of them.

"Spy- Spy, spy, please, I can't- I'm so close, please!" You were whining in an almost pathetically high pitch way. He thrust faster as he feel you squeezing tightly on him, bucking into your clenching insides as he gasped. You were right on the edge.

Murmuring in your ear as he smiled, "Cum for me and prove that you're mine. No one else is going to ever make you feel this good." You twitched when he whispered huskily to you, breath hitching in your throat when you orgasmed.

His own pace stuttering as he cursed above you and soon slowed with more shallow thrusts, making you catch your breath when he stilled above you. His own release having hit him as he slowly pulled out laid beside you before lighting up a cigarette and lowering it down to you. Taking a drag, you blew out smoke and sighed. "Next time you want to get kinky, you could just ask."

"I think just throwing it on you like this is better, oui?" He chuckled as he took a drag himself and relaxed against the metal frame of the bed as you rested your head on him slightly.

"Hah, whatever you say. Spice is nice, but a little bit of vanilla would be nice." You muttered.

"Another minute and I can untie you for a round two. That can be as vanilla as you want." His hand stroking your hair.

"That would be more than appreciated. " The cuts, they still hurt as you lay there, looking up at him as he smoked. It seemed peaceful, but all of this was like chess. As soon as he let your arms free, you would probably grab the knife on the table by the bed and a power struggle would begin anew.

[caitsbooks]

6 Summer Adult Romances!

Click here to view the full post on my blog, or read more to find out more about these books!

Despite still feeling kinda new to the romance genre, I wanted to compile a list of some of my favorite romance novel’s I’ve read, that I think are perfect for summer.

Whether you’ll be reading on the beach or nice and comfortable in air conditioning, these books will be the perfect addition to your summer!!

Read more for descriptions of each book, plus check out my blog to see 6 YA Romances that are perfect for summer!

Blog || Goodreads || Bookstagram || Twitter  || Reviews

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THE HATING GAME BY SALLY THORNE

Page Count: 387 pages Publisher: William Morrow Release Date: August 9th, 2016 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“Lucy Hutton has always been certain that the nice girl can get the corner office. She’s charming and accommodating and prides herself on being loved by everyone at Bexley & Gamin. Everyone except for coldly efficient, impeccably attired, physically intimidating Joshua Templeman. And the feeling is mutual. Trapped in a shared office together 40 (OK, 50 or 60) hours a week, they’ve become entrenched in an addictive, ridiculous never-ending game of one-upmanship. There’s the Staring Game. The Mirror Game. The HR Game. Lucy can’t let Joshua beat her at anything—especially when a huge new promotion goes up for the taking. If Lucy wins this game, she’ll be Joshua’s boss. If she loses, she’ll resign. So why is she suddenly having steamy dreams about Joshua, and dressing for work like she’s got a hot date? After a perfectly innocent elevator ride ends with an earth-shattering kiss, Lucy starts to wonder whether she’s got Joshua Templeman all wrong. Maybe Lucy Hutton doesn’t hate Joshua Templeman. And maybe, he doesn’t hate her either. Or maybe this is just another game.”

This book is what finally pushed me into reading adult romances. Yeah, I had read a couple before this one, but this is the book that made me fall in love with the genre. I know it’s been talked about by most everyone, but if you haven’t read it yet, this summer is the perfect time (especially with the movie in the works)!

THE KISS QUOTIENT (THE KISS QUOTIENT #1) BY HELEN HOANG

Page Count: 333 pages Publisher: Berkley Release Date: June 5th, 2018 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“Stella Lane thinks math is the only thing that unites the universe. She comes up with algorithms to predict customer purchases — a job that has given her more money than she knows what to do with, and way less experience in the dating department than the average thirty-year-old. It doesn’t help that Stella has Asperger’s and French kissing reminds her of a shark getting its teeth cleaned by pilot fish. Her conclusion: she needs lots of practice — with a professional. Which is why she hires escort Michael Phan. The Vietnamese and Swedish stunner can’t afford to turn down Stella’s offer, and agrees to help her check off all the boxes on her lesson plan — from foreplay to more-than-missionary position… Before long, Stella not only learns to appreciate his kisses, but to crave all the other things he’s making her feel. Soon, their no-nonsense partnership starts making a strange kind of sense. And the pattern that emerges will convince Stella that love is the best kind of logic… ”

Firstly, if you aren’t a fan of series, don’t worry. This is just a series of companion novels, so you don’t have to commit to them. But trust me when I say, after reading this, you will want to. I just love this book so much. These characters are just absolutely amazing and you will not regret picking this up!

JOSH AND HAZEL’S GUIDE TO NOT DATING BY CHRISTINA LAUREN

Page Count: 309 pages Publisher: Gallery Books Release Date: September 4th, 2018 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“Hazel Camille Bradford knows she’s a lot to take—and frankly, most men aren’t up to the challenge. If her army of pets and thrill for the absurd don’t send them running, her lack of filter means she’ll say exactly the wrong thing in a delicate moment. Their loss. She’s a good soul in search of honest fun. Josh Im has known Hazel since college, where her zany playfulness proved completely incompatible with his mellow restraint. From the first night they met—when she gracelessly threw up on his shoes—to when she sent him an unintelligible email while in a post-surgical haze, Josh has always thought of Hazel more as a spectacle than a peer. But now, ten years later, after a cheating girlfriend has turned his life upside down, going out with Hazel is a breath of fresh air. Not that Josh and Hazel date. At least, not each other. Because setting each other up on progressively terrible double blind dates means there’s nothing between them…right?”

I have two Christina Lauren books on this list because I am addicted to their books. However, this one is by far my favorite of theirs. It’s a friends-to-lovers done so well, you won’t be able to put it down. I know I wasn’t able to.

RED, WHITE, AND ROYAL BLUE BY CASEY MCQUISTON

Page Count: 423 pages Publisher: St. Martin’s Griffin Release Date: May 14th, 2019 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“First Son Alex Claremont-Diaz is the closest thing to a prince this side of the Atlantic. With his intrepid sister and the Veep’s genius granddaughter, they’re the White House Trio, a beautiful millennial marketing strategy for his mother, President Ellen Claremont. International socialite duties do have downsides—namely, when photos of a confrontation with his longtime nemesis Prince Henry at a royal wedding leak to the tabloids and threaten American/British relations.

The plan for damage control: staging a fake friendship between the First Son and the Prince. Alex is busy enough handling his mother’s bloodthirsty opponents and his own political ambitions without an uptight royal slowing him down. But beneath Henry’s Prince Charming veneer, there’s a soft-hearted eccentric with a dry sense of humor and more than one ghost haunting him.

As President Claremont kicks off her reelection bid, Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret relationship with Henry that could derail the campaign and upend two nations. And Henry throws everything into question for Alex, an impulsive, charming guy who thought he knew everything: What is worth the sacrifice? How do you do all the good you can do? And, most importantly, how will history remember you?”

You all knew I would have to put this book on here. It’s my obsession. The love of my life. I know this book is getting a lot of hype right now, but let me tell you, it deserves all of it. This book is really something special. Not only is it an adorable romance with enemies-to-lovers and plenty of wit, but it’s also a powerful read that you don’t want to miss.

THE UNHONEYMOONERS BY CHRISTINA LAUREN

Page Count: 400 Publisher: May 14th, 2019 Release Date: Gallery Books Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Full Review ]

“Olive is always unlucky: in her career, in love, in…well, everything. Her identical twin sister Ami, on the other hand, is probably the luckiest person in the world. Her meet-cute with her fiancé is something out of a romantic comedy (gag) and she’s managed to finance her entire wedding by winning a series of Internet contests (double gag). Worst of all, she’s forcing Olive to spend the day with her sworn enemy, Ethan, who just happens to be the best man. Olive braces herself to get through 24 hours of wedding hell before she can return to her comfortable, unlucky life. But when the entire wedding party gets food poisoning from eating bad shellfish, the only people who aren’t affected are Olive and Ethan. And now there’s an all-expenses-paid honeymoon in Hawaii up for grabs. Putting their mutual hatred aside for the sake of a free vacation, Olive and Ethan head for paradise, determined to avoid each other at all costs. But when Olive runs into her future boss, the little white lie she tells him is suddenly at risk to become a whole lot bigger. She and Ethan now have to pretend to be loving newlyweds, and her luck seems worse than ever. But the weird thing is that she doesn’t mind playing pretend. In fact, she feels kind of… lucky.”

While Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating may be my favorite Christina Lauren book, this one is pretty close. Enemies-to-lovers, fake datings, and basically every other classic trope everyone loves found their way into this extremely fun read.

WELL MET BY JEN DELUCA

Page Count: 336 Publisher: Berkley Release Date: September 3rd, 2019 Purchase Options: Amazon, Indiebound, Barnes and Noble [ Click Here For My Review Teaser ]

“Emily knew there would be strings attached when she relocated to the small town of Willow Creek, Maryland, for the summer to help her sister recover from an accident, but who could anticipate getting roped into volunteering for the local Renaissance Faire alongside her teenaged niece? Or that the irritating and inscrutable schoolteacher in charge of the volunteers would be so annoying that she finds it impossible to stop thinking about him? The faire is Simon’s family legacy and from the start he makes clear he doesn’t have time for Emily’s lighthearted approach to life, her oddball Shakespeare conspiracy theories, or her endless suggestions for new acts to shake things up. Yet on the faire grounds he becomes a different person, flirting freely with Emily when she’s in her revealing wench’s costume. But is this attraction real, or just part of the characters they’re portraying? This summer was only ever supposed to be a pit stop on the way to somewhere else for Emily, but soon she can’t seem to shake the fantasy of establishing something more with Simon, or a permanent home of her own in Willow Creek.”

Okay, I know this one won’t be published until summer is over, but I need to mention it. It’s absolutely amazing! Seriously, it’s completely worth the wait. The relationship is so perfect, the characters are all amazing, and it takes place at a Ren Faire!!! What more could you ask for?

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What is your favorite summer romance? I really need some good recommendations!!

[withinthescripts]

Season 3, Reel 2: August 13, 1953

[tape recorder turns on]

Amy, call Dr. Jefferson and get me an appointment on Thursday or Friday early morning.

Vivi and I found an injured cat and we’d like to get it fixed. Fixed meaning “spayed”, but I suppose also meaning “repaired”. See if Dr. Jefferson can repair and spay our new cat.

Also, pick up a square fabric about 30 x 30 centimeters, something orange, preferably patterned, an argyle or stencil print, as well as some dark thread, maroon or violet. Once you did that, fold the square into a bandana and embroider the name “Constance” onto the back part of the bandana. We named the cat Constance. Also Amy, can you print that name in script? In cursive where each letter elegantly sweeps onto the next. Don’t fret if you can’t do that, just do it in print, I guess. Thanks.

Letter from the office of Michael Witten on the 13th of August, 1953 to Ursula Lindholm, Director of Communications, Department of Global Trade, European office. Dear Director Lindholm. Thank you for your reply to my question about personnel restructuring. Your concerns about my “poking around” are valid, but rest assured that this is not an inquisition or a judgment, simply curiosity. Amy, don’t write “poking around”, say uh, say “inquiries”. Always mean what you say, but rarely say what you mean.

It is a brave new and unincorporated world out there, and we’re all doing our best to set about a new, less destructive course while implementing an entirely novel set of rules. If you and your office are finding success in reorganization, I certainly wanna know about it. We are not business, Director Lindholm, we are government. We are a truism, a monolith, many roots of the same tree. This is not competition, but collaboration. That being said, I apologize if I pressed too hard into your business and the goings on of your new Regional Director of Trade, Karen Roberts. Karen and I know each other peripherally through Global Secretary of Trade, Vishwathi Ramadoss, my direct supervisor.

Karen, I believe, testified against Secretary Ramadoss during preliminary hearings about domestic espionage in Vancouver last year, even though there were no fucking documents to suggest any of the allegations were true, Ursula, and even if they were, the things Secretary Ramadoss could have revealed about Karen, if there were any domestic spying on businesses, would have destroyed her career. Secretary Ramadoss was using computational machines to record basic data on commerce. It’s just numbers to help with global trade, which is Vishwathi Ramadoss’ fucking job over the whole fucking planet. So yeah, I’m a bit goddamned concerned about Karen Roberts.

Amy, obviously delete all of that, just cut it after the part where I said that I knew Karen. But seriously, Vishwathi was organizing data into charts about a birthplace, age, gender and known health records. The Pacific Northwest pissed themselves that Vishwathi was keeping notes on parents’ names. Oh, what if the citizens find out and try to reconnect with their parents? We don’t allow parents anymore – spare me, she only wrote down the parents’ names in cases where people were direct descendants of the last generation, so they’d already know. It was everything over nothing!

By the way, were you not able to find any of the files from our work in Vancouver? Where was I?

If my tone was aggressive, then I apologize. Ursula, it was not my intent, I would never wanna make a colleague feel less than on equal ground. As I understand it, Karen Roberts relocated the entire Western European Labor Department into the Communications Office. Congratulations on the increased resources! I hope you got a raise.

I wish there were a way to suggest this a joke. Ursula doesn’t seem to have any sense of humor. Her letter was what, two sentences? I’m surprised she didn’t carve it directly into a block of ice.

Amy, can you just draw a smilie face after my last comment? I’m not kidding.

But most of my questions went unanswered. Perhaps you’re pressed for time and if so, please let me know my best approach to Karen Roberts herself. She hasn’t returned my calls or letters. First, what is to become of regulatory protections for workers? The North and Baltic Seas are filled with fishing ships, there are mines and textile factories all over the continent. Who is protecting workers from abuse if the entire region has no labor department? You can’t build a society without a well treated work force.

Second, Karen Roberts owned the largest construction firm along the Gulf of Mexico. Upon taking a government job, did she sell her interests in KR Development, Inc.? Calls to her Houston office suggest to me she has not. This is a violation of the new society ethics bylaws for bureaucrats. If she still owns any part of KR while administering all of Europe’s trade, then this is in direct conflict with our new society’s core values for governmental leadership. This is not a threat, but a fact. Also, it is a threat.

Don’t write that part. Uh, no, write it but then draw another smilie face. That was definitely a joke, no threats in letters Amy, you know that.

I especially encourage you to look into the matter of weapons development along the old Mexican border. Karen’s factories were former arms manufacturing sites. Of course, KR Development now makes its business dismantling war machines for use in new, non-military construction. They have their slogan “swords to ploughshares”, of course. But in my working with Karen on previous North American reconstruction projects, there were persistent rumours that southern militias were being armed by weapons still being manufactured by KR. I have no physical evidence of this and I would never share it publicly, but the European people will not be happy if some journalist finds this proof. My North American people will certainly not be happy, which will make me even more unhappy, and Global Secretary of Trade Vishwathi Ramadoss will be the least happy of us all.

Of course, my staff member Amy Castillo was not able to dig up anything about current weapons production, and if she cannot find anything then I’m sure no one can. You didn’t, right Amy?

So perhaps we have no worries at all. I merely encourage you to do your own research into your new head of trade. Please keep me informed on this matter.

Finally, I was told someone from your office has shut down the production of a play called “Last Night We Were the Wind” at the Olympia in Dublin. I don’t mean to suggest that you are practicing censorship, but the account I heard had to do with the playwright Neve Connolly’s open critique of the new society, that your office found the play, quote, “grotesquely retrospect”. I understand that art can be disruptive and provocative, and we are all trying to build public and global confidence in our new society, but this is why a department of labor or culture exists, to work with artist to find the right message. Amy, underline “right”.

It should be a friendly discourse between government and author, not an indifferent one, as is the way with the “last” generation, nor as in this alleged case, an authoritarian one. Plus we’re only one year removed from the Removal of Nations Act, which forced England to finally cede imperial claims over Ireland, so I’m not sure a London office shutting down a play in Dublin goes over too well. There may be no more borders, but there are a fucking lot of feelings. A-amy, streamline that. Perhaps there were other problems related to labor or finances I’m unaware of, but please do enlighten me on the reasons for silencing a young artist.

Thank you for your time and input. Despite my uh pointed questions, please know that I’m only interested in learning more about what has been effective for your region. Life is nothing if not for learning.

Sincerely, Michael Witten, Director of et cetera et cetera.

[tape recorder turns off] [ads] [tape recorder turns on]

Amy, on second thought, if you can’t embroider a nice cursive script, please just find a tailor or something to teach you. I dunno, figure it out. I’m positive you can figure it out. I think you said you were learning pottery or woodworking? I should remember these things. It was something crafty, so you’ll pick this up in no time.

I hope you realize how much I appreciate your work, Amy. I’m aware that I can be abrupt, and I probably don’t acknowledge your efforts enough, but believe me, they are appreciated. When I worked as Head of the Midwest Region before I took this job, I knew the location of every file, every book, every paperclip in my office. I had to, I had a secretary oh god, Kevin Prince. He was dreadful. I had to edit every letter he transcribed, double check his document organization. I even listened in on some of the phone calls I told him to make. I liked how confident I was in every detail of what I did, but I got home at nine or ten PM most nights. Vivian was not happy eating alone. I felt like I was stacking teacups, each a different size every day, one on top of the other, each one taking more time than the last. Carefully looking at direction, curve, weight, keeping the center vertical… I knew it wouldn’t take long for it all to collapse. But then by miracle, I was selected to take over this office, and here you were.

And you’re everything Kevin was not. Organized and detailed, on time. My first boss at the Textile Distribution Center in Sioux City gave me only one rule: “if you receive an order, ship it.” It’s a deceptively difficult rule. I know almost no one including myself who can follow this 100 per cent of the time. If you receive an order, ship it.

I know we don’t work in shipping and fulfilment here, Amy, but everything I ask of you, you do immediately and effectively. I don’t know where anything is or how you have it all filed, but I’m home by six every night. And when I ask you to dig up old records on some project or meeting, I’ve got a tidy stack on my desk at the end of the day. Except Vancouver. I’m assuming those were lost or we just never had them?

I used to think leadership was managing every aspect of an underling’s work, but I realize leadership is quietly accepting that people will do everything correctly and allowing them to figure out when they’re wrong. Or you’re just really remarkable. Either way, Vivian appreciates you more than you know. We should have you over for dinner some night. We’ve worked together for how many years now? Why hasn’t this happened? Let’s make this happen.

Letter from of the office of Michael Witten on the 18th of August 1953 to Bernice Jones, Minister for Culture, North American region.

Dear Bernice, it was fantastic having you and Miguel for dinner this weekend. I always enjoy your company and Vivi and I truly loved the wine you brought. We never had a marble wine before. So crisp and smooth, but with a sweet nose, like someone eating a passion fruit next to you while you touch cold marble swatches. And please thank Miguel for the wonderful gift of music. I’m listening to the record right now*, Vivi has turned me on to jazz. I don’t know if I enjoy it, but I uh appreciate it. It’s like music but with a puzzle in it. Apparently there are some jazz clubs right here in Chicago.

* there’s no music in the background

You mentioned your youth arts initiatives in Oaxaca and I was intrigued. While the Department of Global Trade does not directly oversee artistic funding, we certainly oversee global trade, whatever you think that last word means. Perhaps there’s room for a collaboration here between our offices. As you know, Vivi is an avid collector of modern art. You noted with a touch of awe the original Claudia Atieno in our den, and I’ve never seen Vivi light up quite like that. [chuckles] With all the accountants and lawyers who come through our doors, you can imagine how rare it is to find a dinner guest who can recognize the care and attention Vivi puts into her collection.

After your visit, Vivi and I discussed how we can do more to help young artists. Or forget young, artists in general. Why single out only the inexperienced? What of those in between training and fame who need our help most? Of course we donate and make purchases where we can, but money only goes so far.

You may need to burn this letter after I tell you this, but our department is swimming in money. I can’t put resources toward a North American gallery or opera or (-) [0:16:30], but I could certainly put money toward a global artistic exchange. Can you imagine teaching the Cahto language in (Canberra), or singing Mariachi in Marrakesh, or performing Neve Connolly in London? I think the people of London would adore such a dynamic new writer.

Connolly is controversial, yes, what with her depictions of traditional family roles and the challenge this presents the new generations of people raised to reject the tribalism of family. But she’s a brilliant young playwright. You know her work, she was brought to speak at Tulane last year through a grant from your office.

The Palladium in London is dark right now. The West End is starving for theatre. We could produce a Neve Connolly play there with a North American production team and Dublin actors. I’m not sure if you’ve read her play “The Topaz Window”, but it’s truly a masterpiece. It centers around an extraordinary painting of mysterious origin that begins to drive a wedge between a previously close family. I won’t spoil it, but the denouement is truly shocking.

Anyway, if someone were to stage that, I’m sure we could commission a well regarded artist to provide the painting in question, maybe even Claudia Atieno herself. I know an art collector named Archie McPherson who would get us in touch with her.

This is truly cultural and global trade, I’m positive our European offices will be pleased. No, make that “delighted”, Amy.

I’ll have my secretary Amy send you a full proposal and budget within a week. I look forward to discussing this with you soon, give my love to Miguel, all the best, Mikey.

[tape recorder turns on]

Amy, write a letter to Vishwathi. 20th August, 1953.

Dear Secretary Ramadoss, I’m pleased to hear you agree with me about the European trade offices. I, too, was alarmed to hear that Karen Roberts had disbanded her labor department, but not surprised. As you saw in my memorandum, she has a long history of disrespect towards workers, going back to her time in Houston. My contact, Ursula Lindholm in the Communications offices in Europe, is reluctant to share many details with me, so I’m hoping to make new connections with the European Trade Department employees. A former colleague of mine from my old job in St. Louis, Leena Mäkinen is living in Helsinki. She would be interested in a move to the Oslo offices. Would you be willing to write a recommendation for her? I think Leena could provide some information that Ursula is certainly unwilling to share. Not a spy, really but a um… You know, scratch that, let’s not be dramatic.

I know you do not know her, and I do not want to seem flippant about professional ethics, but as you once told me, act first, argue semantics later. The staff and I hope you can visit Chicago again soon. Fall is beautiful here, we’ll take you to the lake. Also the Field Museum finally reopened last month. They only recovered a quarter of their collection from the Great Reckoning, but many museums were far lass fortunate.

Amy, remove the paragraphs mentioning Leena Mäkinen from this letter. I think it’s better not to involve the secretary in this. Let’s go with this.

Perhaps you can use your influence to find out whether Karen has sold off her interest in KR development, and what they plan on doing to manage labor, now that they’ve gutted the department. Thank you again for your attention in this manner. Sincerely, Michael Witten, North America.

[tape recorder turns off]

Jeffrey Cranor: Within the Wires is a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Jeffrey Cranor and Janina Matthewson, with original music by Mary Epworth. Find more of Mary’s music at maryepworth.com. The voice of Michael Witten is Lee LeBreton. You can support our show and get exclusive episodes and other cool things at patreon.com/withinthewires.

OK, our time is done. It’s you time now. Time to head to happy hour after a long day of work at the [yoga tournament], to enjoy a pint of [tamarin sauce] with your friend [Jean Valjean].

[officialshojobeat]

The Manga We’d Want as Gifts

As Black Friday looms, I asked the other Shojo Beat editors to give me a short list of the manga they would wish to receive as a gift if they hadn’t already edited it. I thought it would be interesting for you guys to know the titles we cherish, and maybe it could also help you in selecting some of your holiday gifts! You can find these series on sites like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and RightStuf, but you may need to ask for a special order for some titles if you are using a brick-and-mortar bookstore for your holiday shopping. 

☆☆☆Pancha’s Picks☆☆☆

Skip•Beat! by Yoshiki Nakamura I love the balance of goofy, over the top humor and serious subjects. The main character starts out naive, but a rude betrayal sends her into a vengeance-fueled rage spiral that sweet friendships slowly help her to heal from. I also enjoy seeing Kyoko get better at acting and look forward to the day that she becomes a star!

Kamisama Kiss by Julietta Suzuki Nanami suddenly finds herself in the world of gods and monsters, and even though she's completely out of her depth her innate competence helps her thrive. At the center of this story is the god of bonds (like marriage, friendship, family etc), and I really enjoy how the series explores the different types of bonds that people can have, and how they can make us stronger. And I love that Nanami is good at her job as a god, even though it is totally alien to her.

Honey and Clover by Chica Umino This is a really poignant college tale that reminds me (sometimes too much!) of my own time in an artsy school. While it's not a comedy, it does have some really funny moments and I like its quite push towards self-discovery.

☆☆☆Amy’s Picks☆☆☆

Queen's Quality by Kyousuke Motomi

I love anything by Kyousuke Motomi (Dengeki Daisy, Beast Master, QQ Sweeper) because of her zany sense of humor and deep characters. I really love Kyutaro's introverted adorableness in Queen's Quality, and I like how Motomi Sensei is trying new things with this supernatural series (with cleaning tips!).

My Love Story!! written by Kazune Kawahara and drawn by Aruko

This series never fails to put a smile on my face! The friendship between Takeo and Suna is the best, and this feel-good manga is guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. I also love that Takeo doesn't look like your stereotypical pretty-boy protagonist in a shojo manga (but you grow to love him!).

Otomen by Aya Kanno

This manga series about boys who love girlie things like baking, makeup and flowers (to name a few!) is done in such a smart and beautiful way! You totally want main character Asuka to get together with tomboy Ryo, and you root for all the other "otomen" to be able to be their true selves in front of others. Also has one of the best endings out of all the manga I've edited. :)

☆☆☆Nancy’s Picks☆☆☆

Revolutionary Girl Utena Box Set

It’s our nicest release ever: Fancy slipcase, beautiful hardcovers, and color illustration pages (plus a poster)! And it’s the story of Utena, so it’s a timeless gift. The mood of it seems to fit with the holidays as well—fairy tales and romance.

We Were There by Yuki Obata

This series probably came out a little before its time here, but it remains one of the best shojo manga series written in the past decade. Yes, it will seem typical at first, but then you will find a depth and complexity of writing that other mangaka rarely attempt. Keep with it—it’s beautiful and full of hope. I will always want this series in my manga collection.

The Demon Prince of Momochi House by Aya Shouoto

Easily Aya Shouoto’s best work. Gorgeous artwork in a romantic fantasy that is heartrending at times. I find myself wondering about the characters when I am not working on this book. Aoi is a mystery that is being lovingly revealed. Of the various books I gave my niece, she kept rereading this one, so you know it’s a keeper!

-Editor Nancy

[popwasabi]

“Justice League” Review TL:DR Edition: Prepare to be Triggered, Fanboys...

Directed by Zack Snyder and Joss Whedon

Starring: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Ezra Miller, Jason Mamoa, Ray Fisher, Amy Adams, Henry Cavill

 There’s a scene in “Arrested Development” that perfectly encapsulates how I feel about “Justice League.”

In season one Michael Bluth is looking through his refrigerator and notices a brown bag left behind by his idiot magician brother Gob labeled “Dead Dove, Do Not Eat.” Michael then curiously opens up the bag anyways, looks up visually exacerbated and perplexed stating “I don’t know what I expected.”

(Honestly describes the MCU for me to a certain degree too...)

That’s in many ways the DCEU in a nutshell because despite a long history of lunacy (“Man of Steel,” “Suicide Squad,” “Dawn of Justice”) perpetuated by a dumb idiot (Zack Snyder, David Ayers) we dived head first into another clearly marked brown bag of a movie expecting something different only to get exactly what it told us it was.

“Justice League” certainly has a few good moments between the action, the visuals and some of the individual performances (Ezra Miller shines as Barry Allen and his humor often works in the movie) and is certainly not the worst movie that came out this year but after such a huge shot in the arm for the franchise with “Wonder Woman” it’s amazing how huge the drop in quality is here.

I WANT darker alternatives to the MCU in the super hero genre, I WANT a good Justice League movie and Marvel is faaaaar from perfect with their franchise but the DCEU simply fails here again.

There’s a ton to dissect here and it’s impossible to talk about this movie without going into SPOILERS so you are being warned now that this review will be long and thorough.

(Complainers will be subjected to Jared Leto’s method one acting class...)

Let’s begin shall we:

 “Justice League” tries to please everyone thus pleasing no one

Let’s start this review by debunking a couple myths as to why the DCEU doesn’t perform as well as the MCU; *in nasally neckbeard voice* “It’s because it’s darker and general audiences just want films that are ‘fun.’ Critics are biased toward Marvel.”

Wrong!

“The Dark Knight’s” summer long success run back in 2008 crushes the myth that 1) blockbusters need to be “witty” to be successful and  the even more absurdly 2) the idea that critics are biased toward Marvel flicks.

(Oh and hey look what happens when you competently direct a DCEU movie =D...)

Sure “The Dark Knight” came out in a much different super hero landscape than it is today and the MCU has certainly coasted on its “we’re the FUN franchise” for the last near decade but trust me people aren’t as against watching films that are complex and certainly enjoy dark tones and themes more than you think.

(Seriously!? Are you DCEU fans not seeing this?? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!)

The DCEU tries to be dark and serious super hero story-telling but the problem is the writing is God awful and most of the time makes no fucking sense. If the writing doesn’t make sense then the tone means fuck all!

Changes to these super heroes mythos could’ve been great and even welcome if they were written in a way that wasn’t dumb and that’s why “Man of Steel” and “Dawn of Justice” are total train wrecks. Snyder clearly doesn’t like Superman, or cares what he stands for, and though he seems to like Batman he has some very strange ideas about who this character is too.

(I have a lot to get into here so for futher explanation on that read my other long review on Dawn of Justice...)

So it has nothing to do with the films’ being dark. Trust me, I think there are a lot of fans out there, including myself, who want a dark and serious alternative to the campiness of the MCU but you gotta do it right, Warner Brothers!

But of course the studio, here, learned all the wrong lessons from these flops and the result is by far the most MCU like DCEU movie to date and it clashes with the established tone of the franchises constantly. The film feels almost like a soft reboot within a sequel because of this as Batman becomes suddenly, humorouslessly self-deprecating, Aquaman wisecracks every scene kind of like Thor, and even Amy Adams gets in a few dumb jokes. It’s not surprising Ezra Miller’s Flash is the most humorous (and also best character) of the bunch but it still sticks out after four movies where everyone is generally speaking pretty straight-faced.

(Admittedly, some of this light-heartedness was welcome though.) 

It just feels like a different movie now and not in a good way. The studio simply learned the wrong lessons from the previous flops; fans don’t want light-heartedness, they want good writing!

“Wonder Woman” this summer managed to do this the right way by maintaining a serious tone but still having room for humor and it fucking succeeded! Granted this movie was all but finished by the time that film came out but seriously it can be done!

There’s plenty of reasons why the MCU is a successful franchise but being humorous is only ONE of them. They may not have the complex ideas that the DCEU attempts to tackle but they are written and directed in intelligent ways. It’s the film-making equivalent of a west coast offense as opposed to the DCEU attempting verticals every play. You just can’t expect to hit the long ball every time over the course of two plus hours.

(Ask your football nerd friends...)

If the DCEU really wanted to match the MCU’s success there was a clearly marked way to do it while still being dark but as I’m about to point out they missed that too...

 Why the rush?

One thing that has baffled me the most about this franchise is its incessant need to play catch-up with the MCU. From the moment “Batman v. Superman” was announced at Comic-Con back in 2013, Warner Brothers seemed to think that if they had an ensemble super hero film too they would be instantly as financially successful as the MCU’s “Avengers” as well.

(How I imagine the interns may have sounded at Warner Bros Studios when they announced the reshoots for “Justice League.”)

People tend to forget that before “The Avengers” there were five films, spread out over four years that laid the backstory of each character, their personalities, their strengths and weaknesses and arcs and it set up for one hell of a team-up in 2012. “The Avengers” worked largely because they didn’t need to do anymore exposition, all they needed to do was just let the characters play off each other and do cool shit on the screen. Joss Whedon gets a lot of credit for bringing this all together but really all he did was do the sports equivalent of an alley-oop dunk from his point guard.

(Also figurative representation of Disney against their competition.)

“Justice League” actually had four years to work with too between their “Iron Man” (“Man of Steel”) and their big super hero teamup and hooooow did they decide to spend it? A convoluted sequel that attempted to setup the ensemble team for this movie, a God awful “Guardians of the Galaxy” clone released a few months later that year and finally an origin movie earlier this year for one of the team’s signature characters.

Warner Bros got only one thing right in the middle of these two movies and it was easily their best film to date. There’s a reason why Wonder Woman’s scenes go by the most smoothly in the movie; it’s because we already know her, we know what she’s been through, who she cares about and why she matters. Yes, all these characters have long established backstories in the comics that I’m sure all the NERDS were well aware of going into this movie but when you’re dealing with this many main characters you can’t expect us to feel connected to this team that we’re all essentially meeting for the first time here.

No, we definitely don’t need to see Batman’s parents shot again in another solo film but we could’ve definitely used origin films for the other characters. An Aquaman movie that describes the tension going on between him Mera in Atlantis could’ve given context to that scene in this movie. Cyborg’s film could’ve showed us why he doesn’t quite have control over his parts yet when he shoots Superman out of self-defense and would’ve made that scene make more sense. Or even a Flash movie that describes his relationship with his dad and why he keeps trying to save him would have given us an emotional context that carries over in this story (granted I watched the CW show, so I’m familiar with this character but that still doesn’t excuse this rushed backstory here).

(The DC CWverse: Somehow more consistently good with its goofy soap opera shit than these big budget Hollywood blockbusters.)

Don’t get me wrong, I think the actors involved all did a great job with what little they were given but they are ultimately bogged down by the need to explain their backstories in the middle of all of this because of the missing context.

“Avengers” did this the right way, as we saw Thor and Loki’s brotherly squabble carried into the ensemble film, Cap still struggling with being frozen for 60 years making him distrustful of his new handlers and Tony Stark still having a guilt complex from the first movie that carries into his near ultimate sacrifice at the end of the movie, not to mention the continued romance with Pepper Potts that helps lead him to this decision.

(Hey look! Context in action before “Civil War” last year!)

The point is thematically these are continuations of established characters where we see continued development in the ensemble movie; it’s building upon an established base instead of doing it all at once. Basically what I’m saying is “Justice League” is the fifth book in a graphic novel series without its third and fourth volumes (the other origin stories). 

We don’t get to see these other characters earn their capes and tights and thus the film feels distant and disjointed because we haven’t been shown why we should care yet about these other characters. When Batman gets blunt with Wonder Women about being gone for nearly 100 years and her relationship with Steve Trevor it’s an “Oh shit” moment for us because we GET IT because we saw IT happen in her movie. Imagine having that same “Oh shit” moment about the other characters; we could have seen real continuing development of these characters here instead of shoving it down our throats in one gulp of a movie.

(CONTEXT! CONTEXT! CONTEXT!!!!)

It’s a real missed opportunity by Warner Bros not to establish these characters in their own solo films before the big team-up but here we are unfortunately.

  Steppenwolf looked terrible and was terrible

Ok, time to get into some more specific problems with the movie and it starts with our CGI monstrosity of a villain; Steppenwolf.

Much in the same way not establishing solo film back stories for our heroes before the movie was a problem, having a hammy Steppenwolf backstory piled on top of all the rushed exposition was a mistake too.

The film could’ve benefited from an old established villain coming back much in the same way Loki did in Avengers with perhaps Lex Luthor instead, even with all his cheesy ridiculousness (Zodd, if they hadn’t killed him, would’ve been even better) but instead we are treated to one of the most lazy, one note, and most of all boring comic book bad guys to date.

(Actually, I’m starting to understand why Steppenwolf was largely left out of the trailers...)

His backstory includes a vague need for galactic conquest that concludes with something called the “mother boxes” (more on that later) and he’s pushed back by the combined forces of earth’s Amazonians, Atlantians and human warriors including presumably Earth’s last Green Lantern. After he’s pushed back, the three alliances agree to hide the mother boxes away should Steppenwolf return and of course he does.

Now here’s where it gets stupid.

Steppenwolf and his army have some kind of Thor Rainbow Bridge like technology that transports him wherever he needs to go (I’m sure all the comic book nerds understand what this is, but the film doesn’t explain it at all) and it allows him to drop on all but one of mother boxes with little notice. The reason he’s showing up now is apparently he had viewed the presence of Superman to be the biggest obstacle to his conquest and now that he’s dead he see’s Earth as vulnerable but this begs a couple questions.

1)      Superman had been on the planet for, give or take, 25-35 years, based on how old Clark looks in this movie. What was stopping him from showing up before? Steppenwolf is clearly not afraid of the Amazonians or Atlantians since he wipes the floor with them all pretty easily in the movie. If we assume that it’s based on how powerful they were in ancient times, let’s say they stopped being powerful around the time of “Wonder Woman” since they chose not to get involved in the war, that’s still about 80 years of vulnerability especially during WWI and WWII. Why didn’t he come back then?

2)      Why was it so hard for him to find the third motherbox…for about half the movie. He drops in on the first two instantly with his teleportation technology and takes them with little resistance. It begs the question; why are these items so ill protected if they are so dangerous? But again the third box for some reason is “hidden” to him when all the flashback shows is that they buried it in the woods. But it didn’t matter that it was hidden cause as soon as the League whips it out he drops in and picks it up, again, instantly and without any resistance. It was such baffling moment in the movie when Steppenwolf basically drops in and goes “lol yoink” with the third motherbox that I could not stop laughing for a solid ten minutes in the theater. Nobody on earth can protect these basically super atomic bombs, Steppenwolf can teleport and drop in pretty much whenever, wherever he wants and we’re all supposed to not find all this hilarious?

(Me x1000)

But really, there’s nothing to care about here with Steppenwolf and he may as well have been as faceless as his parademon henchmen. The movie gives us no reason to be interested in him and he does nothing besides bellow the same “FOOLS!” and “MANIACAL LAUGHTER FOLLOWED BY LOFTY DIALOGUE ABOUT ‘THIS IS YOUR END!’” in the movie and it makes him even more forgettable than some of the MCU’s worst bad guys. His entire character, starts and ends with these dumb mother boxes which leads to my next point…

 Motherfucking mother boxes

The film begins on a pretty preposterous set up when Batman causes a scouting parademon to combust whose remains form the symbol for these motherboxes. It’s a setup so ridiculous that it really doesn’t deserve a real analysis.

But what the hell are these things? The only thing the movie does is establish these were made by Steppenwolf and that they contain a limitless power of some kind. If it’s something more specific the movie glosses over this fact pretty badly with its choppy editing thanks again to the need to establish everyone’s backstories.

(“It’s like poetry, it rhymes..”)

Supposedly the third box was discovered by Cyborg’s dad and used to create his cybernetic body. How he discovered it, what exactly happened to Cyborg is not explained but again shows another example of how a solo film would’ve greatly benefited this movie.

Imagine a Cyborg movie where we setup everything about what the mother box does and the Justice League movie only needs to explain where it came from. Don’t worry you don’t need to imagine it because again the MCU did it the right way with the Captain America film setting up the powers of the Teseract and in “The Avengers” they expand upon it.

(Seriously, if we’re going to try to emulate the MCU here at least follow the blue print correctly!)

Anyways, Steppenwolf gets all the mother boxes together (hilariously easily, as previously stated) and puts them together to create another generic doomsday device. Now this plot device is a problem across a lot of action movies, especially super hero flicks, but it would help if the film made it clear what the hell these three items combined do exactly.

Steppenwolf arrives in Russia to combine the boxes and “reshape” the world (whatever that means) and it begins creating some weird vortex around the encampment along with his parademons and all hell breaks loose both figuratively and literally. Again, the movie doesn’t go much into why or how these mother boxes use their power and without that context it’s hard to care about what’s going on beyond the fact that earth is some vague sense of world destruction.

(Still not dumber than this scene though...)

It’s not exactly clear who’s to blame here between Zack Snyder’s original cuts and Joss Whedon’s reshoots but clearly the studio over managed this production and the finale feels flat because of it. 

Again these films could’ve benefited from some buildup from origin films for these characters where context can be established, especially for a big plot device like this so we’re not scrambling to make the film both fun and understandable. There’s just too much God damn context missing here and while I have a hard time believing a full Snyder led Justice League movie was perfect in its original form, I have a feeling it was at the very least a little easier to understand.

The studio fucked up, plane and simple.

 Killing Superman was a mistake and bringing him back made it worse…

Anyone knows anything about comic books knows that the original “Death of Superman” and its notorious fallout were controversial to say the least. The original 11-issue series and its follow-up marked basically the end of death in comic books and established that characters can die and come back thus eliminating in some ways the tension of danger they face in their stories.

There was absolutely no need to kill Superman in “Dawn of Justice” and given how little his character was built up through barely two movies it was hard for anyone, outside of rabid DC fan boys, to care that he bit the dust especially when it was obvious he was coming back. Killing him off and bringing him back may have been effective later in this franchise (assuming it ever makes it there) but giving him the ax in just the second movie when your big hero teamup was just around the corner reeked of over compensating for a poor script by using a heroic sacrifice that would ultimately be meaningless in the end.

(Also, how did NO ONE think this looked awful at Warner Bros in post production?? #Mustachegate)

This dumb move rolls into “Justice League” and creates a new set of problems that makes the story even more nonsensical. It was hard to imagine Snyder going with the original “hibernation” angle from the comics to revive Superman but what he decides to do otherwise is both weird and a little crazy.

So the Justice League has finally gotten their hands on the last mother box after a confusing (but nonetheless fun) battle with Steppenwolf. The team is trying to surmise a plan and Bruce comes up with the brilliant idea to use the combined powers of the motherbox and the Kyrtonian incubation tub that created Doomsday to revive Clark Kent. It begins with Flash and Cyborg digging up his grave and it’s about as weird as it sounds and this whole idea has a couple problems with it both thematically and literally.

1)      There is no reason to believe that these combined powers will somehow bring back Superman exactly as he was. It was already confusing enough when Lex made some weird clone hybrid of Zodd that somehow created Doomsday in “Dawn of Justice” but nothing about this incubation chamber says that it can bring the dead back to life. I always interpreted this baffling moment of the movie as Lex either creating a zombie or a clone and it both cases it was ridiculous and so is this idea of using this technology to bring back Clark. Gathering the DC equivalent of Dragon Balls would’ve been less weird and dumb at this point.

Also like why the hell would you even CONSIDER doing that after what happened last time!? After the last movie Batman should’ve kept that idea COMPLETELY off the table!

2)      If we accept that the mother box is the true catalyst to bringing the dead back to life since it worked on Victor Stone why doesn’t Superman comeback as one too? By the logic of this setup Superman would’ve come back part machine too and by the logic of the outcome (Superman coming back as himself) why wasn’t Victor interested in going in himself to cure his malady since the script makes a point of stating he feels miserable in this form? 

3)      The idea that Batman see’s Superman as all they need to stop Steppenwolf really debunks the need for a Justice League when you think about how this was written. Batman is supposed to be this mastermind that comes up with these unique solutions to complex problems. But nope, the script basically goes, “Meh let’s bring Superman back” after getting beat exactly once in the film. The point of a big teamup story like this is to display how well these unique characters work together but instead all this shows thematically is that the Justice League needs Superman and perhaps he doesn’t need the Justice League as he clearly displays just how much more powerful he is compared to everyone including Steppenwolf. There were ways to write in Superman’s return without it being dumb but alas here we are…

Anyways so Superman comes back and of course he has amnesia (conveniently until the script says he doesn’t) and he has a brief throwdown with the rest of team who, as mentioned, he greatly outmatches. Batman states before the initial resurrection that he has a “trump card” in case Superman should turn out to be evil and it ends up being Alfred conveniently driving up and comically dropping off Lois in  front of him just before Clark turns Batman’s head into goo. The whole scene plays out as hilariously as it sounds that the only thing that could’ve made it funnier is if Batman said “Martha” to Superman instead this time (and I’m not putting it past Synder that he may have actually had that in the original rough draft).

(”Do you like me now, Lois? Do you? DO YOU!? *laughs maniacally*”)

Clark, after some alone time with Lois and Ma Kent, arrives in the nick of time to save everyone’s asses and help destroy Steppenwolf (by doing most of the work) and it’s still not exactly clear how they defused the mother boxes. In what could’ve been a heroic return Superman becomes Deus Ex Machina-man due to the poor writing and poor build-up from the previous films and it just left me burying my head in my hands.

 There’s a lot more I can get into here (Yeah, I know) but I’ve already rambled waaaaay too long here (thanks, anybody who sat through this with me). Basically, TL:DR the majority of this films problems have to do with the behind the scenes meddling of the studios and their inability to understand what makes the MCU successful and the result is a hollow, rushed mess. There’s no Marvel bias here, no paid off critics (or at least not enough of them) to tip the scales in favor of Disney and simply put this franchise doesn’t get it.

Trust me, I would loooooove to have a dark alternative to the MCU, I WANT to see a great Justice League movie, it’s getting more and more tiring to see the same generic popcorn flick over and over again churned in by Marvel choosing comedy over substance but that doesn’t change the fact that they are still far sharper films in almost every way compared to the DCEU.

I don’t even think I hate this movie I’m just frustrated by it more than anything.

In a weird way I think this is why I keep watching these DCEU films; because I know at the very least they’ll be different and it’s got that much going for it at least but that’s not enough to make a real franchise. The success of “Wonder Woman” still gives me soooome hope that there is a chance for a great ensemble DC movie in the future and if “The Flash” movie weren’t in production hell I might’ve had excitement for his solo venture given how well he performed here. Hell, this isn’t even the worst or even second worst DCEU movie to date but at some point Warner Brothers needs to look at the problem with more nuance than simply making the films “funnier.”

It’s not entirely too late to fix all these issues but the franchise is once again on life support and the other DC fans, like myself, (not visuals crazed fanboys) are hoping for real change in the writing that pays homage to these great characters instead of being a pale imitation of Marvel’s own.

But until that time comes I guess I’ll just rewatch “Wonder Woman” and fantasize about what might’ve been…

 VERDICT:

*Exacerbated grumbling*

Find you a franchise that looks at you the way Superman looks with a CGIed upper lip...

[samanthasroberts]

The First Black Bachelorette: Rachel Lindsay Breaks a Ridiculous Color Barrier

After 14 years and 33 seasons of white people chafing their constituents together for Americas amusement, The Bachelor dealership lastly has a pitch-black lead: Rachel Lindsay, who was announced Monday evening as the next Bachelorette. Its 2017, baby! We might have an orange pussy-grabber in the Oval Office and an arguably prejudiced us attorney general, but Lindsay, a pitch-black advocate, was in the process of make a live full of potential boyfriends her bitch.

The Bachelor franchise had been playing a decades-long tournament of chicken with ethnic equalitya will-they-or-wont-they of diverse image. For all of the franchises tanning-bed followers, diversity on the ABC stalwart often simmers down to a rainbow of registered nurse practitioners, unregistered nurse practitioners, and aspiring nurse practitioners. Of route, The Bachelor is a highly inclusive struggle, with arms wide open to personal managers from all 50 states, maidens and divorcees, heavily accented rivals, and deep polarizing assholes. As long as youre a Size 2 noblewoman or a Grade A beefcake, you can be in the running to take home that Neil Lane diamond. That tell me anything, whiteness has always been an unstated requisite for going all the way. And when the next bachelor or bachelorette is announced, theyre never the token pitch-black contestants “thats been” dropped during the previous season. In its own history of the dealership, the most diverse bachelor-at-arms was the American-born Venezuelan Juan Pablo Galavis, and he was a total dick.

The announcement of Rachel Lindsays upcoming gig destroys from tradition in more methods than one. Typically, ABC wouldnt making such revelation while a contestant was still in the running for engagementby taught us that Lindsay will be the next bachelorette, theyre effectively bungling their own indicate. Throughout Nick Vialls season, love and ardent admirers have favored Rachel Lindsay as the next bachelorette. From the premiere occurrence, when Lindsay tallied the first-impression rose, the 31 -year-old Texan has wowed gatherings with her( relative) maturity and gumption. Shes beautiful, down to soil, and shockingly utilized( unlike most opponents ). Even more endearingly, Lindsay seems like the kind of woman who would not be here for Nick Vialls leather armband-wearing, pseudo-sensitive bullshit. So its not a huge surprise to hear that the still-looking-for-love Lindsay didnt find her happily ever after with Andi and Kaitlyns clumsy thirds.

The rumor mill began working in earnest a few weeks ago, when founder Mike Fleiss started tweeting about a historic Bachelor happening. On Sunday, Fleiss received information that the aforementioned historic notice would be going down on Monday nights episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live . Reality Steve was the first website to report that Kimmel would be sharing the news of Lindsays long-awaited throwing. LA Times reporter Amy Kaufman too vouched for the notice, tweeting on Friday that, I exactly found out a piece of information that draws me 100% certain that [ email protected] is the next Bachelorette.

Fleisss breathless social media razzes has severely tone-deaf, generated how ridiculous it is that The Bachelorette is just now shedding a black extend. For all of his self-congratulatory pomp, you may have thought that Fleiss was about to announce an all-queer season of The Bachelorette . This is the glittery Resist armband of historic announcementsthe absolutely un-radical revelation that you actually dont need to be a white-hot girlfriend to get participated on actuality TV.

In addition to the simple knowledge that its been over 50 times since the Civil Rights Act, this seems like the perfect age for The Bachelor dealership to fully integrate. After all, The Bachelor , The Bachelorette , and its drunk cousin Bachelor in Paradise have been slowly and steadily revamping over the past couple of years. Nick Viall, our current unemployed software engineer turned bachelor-at-arms, isnt precisely a cookie cutter contender. His extreme sense and predisposition to moan at the slightest provocation differentiates him from the silent and stoic romantic leads of seasons past. Plus, he wears jewelry and might even have a sense of humor. If Viall is the believing females bachelor, hes likewise the closest weve ever be coming home with a professional contestant. After multiple sequence on the franchise, Nick is highly aware of, say, what makes a good revise and what the fuck is provoke Bachelor Nation backlash. On a not-unrelated mention, his season boasts the most diverse reserve of Bachelor contenders in dealership history2 2 lily-white and eight non-white girls. As a point of comparison, previous bachelor Ben Higgins deigned to date five non-white players, and Chris Souless season featured merely one.

Theres an argument to be made that Nick wants to appear instructed and salvage his historically compromised reputation. That would explain why so many black girls have remained in the running this season, despite the fact that Viall doesnt actually seemed to be engaging a romantic relation with them. Last-place week, Jasmine met her would-be fianc, confessing that his complete disinterest in spending one-on-one time with her shaped her feel unwanted and insecure. Uncomfortable and called-out, Nick politely indicated/ told her to parcel her containers. Loyal viewers will recollect a similar interaction earlier in the season between Nick and Dominique. Dominique felt underappreciated and stuck in her own brain; Nick felt like he really didnt need to be talking to Dominique anymore. While boozing unlimited Chardonnay and claiming to fall in love with person might sound like an easy gig , non-white Bachelor/ Bachelorette opponents have historically had a hard start of it. Its telling that these crises of confidence so consistently afflict rivals of pigment. Of trend these women are in their own headstheir premiers are telling them that pitch-black ladies dont find love on The Bachelor franchise.

The Bachelor / Bachelorettes whitewashing has been blamed and parodied, most exhaustively by UnREAL , the scripted Lifetime send-up of the dating demonstrate phenomenon. On Season 2, UnREAL imagined what it would look like to shed the first pitch-black suitorand all of the exploitative clickbait and ethnic tension that would unavoidably follow. Of trend, the fact that it only took this Bachelor lampoon two seasons to stimulate that so-called historic announcementone that the real franchise had yet to tacklewas truly shameful. In a 2016 interview with The Daily Beast, host Chris Harrison demurred on the topic, saying that questions of diversity were path above my compensate point. He was indicated that, Anyone has the same chance to end upand I hate to say triumph because its not a game show. It has to do with your connection with person. But everybody has a chance to fall in love, it doesnt stuff who you are.

According to Beyonc, black girls can increasingly find their own thinkings in the news and onscreen. But while this surge in image has been vital for aspiring actresses and senators, it had yet to reach the little girl who fantasy of growing up to find love in a televised world competitionuntil now. As Americas very first pitch-black Bachelorette, Rachel has a huge amount of responsibility. In addition to finding the cherish of their own lives, shes tasked with proving to the world that black wives can serial date just as convincingly as their lily-white counterparts. But as certain as we are that Nick Viall will die alone, have every confidence that Rachel Lindsay will make a lovely, charismatic bachelorette.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-first-black-bachelorette-rachel-lindsay-breaks-a-ridiculous-color-barrier/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/10/17/the-first-black-bachelorette-rachel-lindsay-breaks-a-ridiculous-color-barrier/

[adambstingus]

The First Black Bachelorette: Rachel Lindsay Breaks a Ridiculous Color Barrier

After 14 years and 33 seasons of white people chafing their constituents together for Americas amusement, The Bachelor dealership lastly has a pitch-black lead: Rachel Lindsay, who was announced Monday evening as the next Bachelorette. Its 2017, baby! We might have an orange pussy-grabber in the Oval Office and an arguably prejudiced us attorney general, but Lindsay, a pitch-black advocate, was in the process of make a live full of potential boyfriends her bitch.

The Bachelor franchise had been playing a decades-long tournament of chicken with ethnic equalitya will-they-or-wont-they of diverse image. For all of the franchises tanning-bed followers, diversity on the ABC stalwart often simmers down to a rainbow of registered nurse practitioners, unregistered nurse practitioners, and aspiring nurse practitioners. Of route, The Bachelor is a highly inclusive struggle, with arms wide open to personal managers from all 50 states, maidens and divorcees, heavily accented rivals, and deep polarizing assholes. As long as youre a Size 2 noblewoman or a Grade A beefcake, you can be in the running to take home that Neil Lane diamond. That tell me anything, whiteness has always been an unstated requisite for going all the way. And when the next bachelor or bachelorette is announced, theyre never the token pitch-black contestants “thats been” dropped during the previous season. In its own history of the dealership, the most diverse bachelor-at-arms was the American-born Venezuelan Juan Pablo Galavis, and he was a total dick.

The announcement of Rachel Lindsays upcoming gig destroys from tradition in more methods than one. Typically, ABC wouldnt making such revelation while a contestant was still in the running for engagementby taught us that Lindsay will be the next bachelorette, theyre effectively bungling their own indicate. Throughout Nick Vialls season, love and ardent admirers have favored Rachel Lindsay as the next bachelorette. From the premiere occurrence, when Lindsay tallied the first-impression rose, the 31 -year-old Texan has wowed gatherings with her( relative) maturity and gumption. Shes beautiful, down to soil, and shockingly utilized( unlike most opponents ). Even more endearingly, Lindsay seems like the kind of woman who would not be here for Nick Vialls leather armband-wearing, pseudo-sensitive bullshit. So its not a huge surprise to hear that the still-looking-for-love Lindsay didnt find her happily ever after with Andi and Kaitlyns clumsy thirds.

The rumor mill began working in earnest a few weeks ago, when founder Mike Fleiss started tweeting about a historic Bachelor happening. On Sunday, Fleiss received information that the aforementioned historic notice would be going down on Monday nights episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live . Reality Steve was the first website to report that Kimmel would be sharing the news of Lindsays long-awaited throwing. LA Times reporter Amy Kaufman too vouched for the notice, tweeting on Friday that, I exactly found out a piece of information that draws me 100% certain that [ email protected] is the next Bachelorette.

Fleisss breathless social media razzes has severely tone-deaf, generated how ridiculous it is that The Bachelorette is just now shedding a black extend. For all of his self-congratulatory pomp, you may have thought that Fleiss was about to announce an all-queer season of The Bachelorette . This is the glittery Resist armband of historic announcementsthe absolutely un-radical revelation that you actually dont need to be a white-hot girlfriend to get participated on actuality TV.

In addition to the simple knowledge that its been over 50 times since the Civil Rights Act, this seems like the perfect age for The Bachelor dealership to fully integrate. After all, The Bachelor , The Bachelorette , and its drunk cousin Bachelor in Paradise have been slowly and steadily revamping over the past couple of years. Nick Viall, our current unemployed software engineer turned bachelor-at-arms, isnt precisely a cookie cutter contender. His extreme sense and predisposition to moan at the slightest provocation differentiates him from the silent and stoic romantic leads of seasons past. Plus, he wears jewelry and might even have a sense of humor. If Viall is the believing females bachelor, hes likewise the closest weve ever be coming home with a professional contestant. After multiple sequence on the franchise, Nick is highly aware of, say, what makes a good revise and what the fuck is provoke Bachelor Nation backlash. On a not-unrelated mention, his season boasts the most diverse reserve of Bachelor contenders in dealership history2 2 lily-white and eight non-white girls. As a point of comparison, previous bachelor Ben Higgins deigned to date five non-white players, and Chris Souless season featured merely one.

Theres an argument to be made that Nick wants to appear instructed and salvage his historically compromised reputation. That would explain why so many black girls have remained in the running this season, despite the fact that Viall doesnt actually seemed to be engaging a romantic relation with them. Last-place week, Jasmine met her would-be fianc, confessing that his complete disinterest in spending one-on-one time with her shaped her feel unwanted and insecure. Uncomfortable and called-out, Nick politely indicated/ told her to parcel her containers. Loyal viewers will recollect a similar interaction earlier in the season between Nick and Dominique. Dominique felt underappreciated and stuck in her own brain; Nick felt like he really didnt need to be talking to Dominique anymore. While boozing unlimited Chardonnay and claiming to fall in love with person might sound like an easy gig , non-white Bachelor/ Bachelorette opponents have historically had a hard start of it. Its telling that these crises of confidence so consistently afflict rivals of pigment. Of trend these women are in their own headstheir premiers are telling them that pitch-black ladies dont find love on The Bachelor franchise.

The Bachelor / Bachelorettes whitewashing has been blamed and parodied, most exhaustively by UnREAL , the scripted Lifetime send-up of the dating demonstrate phenomenon. On Season 2, UnREAL imagined what it would look like to shed the first pitch-black suitorand all of the exploitative clickbait and ethnic tension that would unavoidably follow. Of trend, the fact that it only took this Bachelor lampoon two seasons to stimulate that so-called historic announcementone that the real franchise had yet to tacklewas truly shameful. In a 2016 interview with The Daily Beast, host Chris Harrison demurred on the topic, saying that questions of diversity were path above my compensate point. He was indicated that, Anyone has the same chance to end upand I hate to say triumph because its not a game show. It has to do with your connection with person. But everybody has a chance to fall in love, it doesnt stuff who you are.

According to Beyonc, black girls can increasingly find their own thinkings in the news and onscreen. But while this surge in image has been vital for aspiring actresses and senators, it had yet to reach the little girl who fantasy of growing up to find love in a televised world competitionuntil now. As Americas very first pitch-black Bachelorette, Rachel has a huge amount of responsibility. In addition to finding the cherish of their own lives, shes tasked with proving to the world that black wives can serial date just as convincingly as their lily-white counterparts. But as certain as we are that Nick Viall will die alone, have every confidence that Rachel Lindsay will make a lovely, charismatic bachelorette.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-first-black-bachelorette-rachel-lindsay-breaks-a-ridiculous-color-barrier/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/179129802317

[allofbeercom]

The First Black Bachelorette: Rachel Lindsay Breaks a Ridiculous Color Barrier

After 14 years and 33 seasons of white people chafing their constituents together for Americas amusement, The Bachelor dealership lastly has a pitch-black lead: Rachel Lindsay, who was announced Monday evening as the next Bachelorette. Its 2017, baby! We might have an orange pussy-grabber in the Oval Office and an arguably prejudiced us attorney general, but Lindsay, a pitch-black advocate, was in the process of make a live full of potential boyfriends her bitch.

The Bachelor franchise had been playing a decades-long tournament of chicken with ethnic equalitya will-they-or-wont-they of diverse image. For all of the franchises tanning-bed followers, diversity on the ABC stalwart often simmers down to a rainbow of registered nurse practitioners, unregistered nurse practitioners, and aspiring nurse practitioners. Of route, The Bachelor is a highly inclusive struggle, with arms wide open to personal managers from all 50 states, maidens and divorcees, heavily accented rivals, and deep polarizing assholes. As long as youre a Size 2 noblewoman or a Grade A beefcake, you can be in the running to take home that Neil Lane diamond. That tell me anything, whiteness has always been an unstated requisite for going all the way. And when the next bachelor or bachelorette is announced, theyre never the token pitch-black contestants “thats been” dropped during the previous season. In its own history of the dealership, the most diverse bachelor-at-arms was the American-born Venezuelan Juan Pablo Galavis, and he was a total dick.

The announcement of Rachel Lindsays upcoming gig destroys from tradition in more methods than one. Typically, ABC wouldnt making such revelation while a contestant was still in the running for engagementby taught us that Lindsay will be the next bachelorette, theyre effectively bungling their own indicate. Throughout Nick Vialls season, love and ardent admirers have favored Rachel Lindsay as the next bachelorette. From the premiere occurrence, when Lindsay tallied the first-impression rose, the 31 -year-old Texan has wowed gatherings with her( relative) maturity and gumption. Shes beautiful, down to soil, and shockingly utilized( unlike most opponents ). Even more endearingly, Lindsay seems like the kind of woman who would not be here for Nick Vialls leather armband-wearing, pseudo-sensitive bullshit. So its not a huge surprise to hear that the still-looking-for-love Lindsay didnt find her happily ever after with Andi and Kaitlyns clumsy thirds.

The rumor mill began working in earnest a few weeks ago, when founder Mike Fleiss started tweeting about a historic Bachelor happening. On Sunday, Fleiss received information that the aforementioned historic notice would be going down on Monday nights episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live . Reality Steve was the first website to report that Kimmel would be sharing the news of Lindsays long-awaited throwing. LA Times reporter Amy Kaufman too vouched for the notice, tweeting on Friday that, I exactly found out a piece of information that draws me 100% certain that [ email protected] is the next Bachelorette.

Fleisss breathless social media razzes has severely tone-deaf, generated how ridiculous it is that The Bachelorette is just now shedding a black extend. For all of his self-congratulatory pomp, you may have thought that Fleiss was about to announce an all-queer season of The Bachelorette . This is the glittery Resist armband of historic announcementsthe absolutely un-radical revelation that you actually dont need to be a white-hot girlfriend to get participated on actuality TV.

In addition to the simple knowledge that its been over 50 times since the Civil Rights Act, this seems like the perfect age for The Bachelor dealership to fully integrate. After all, The Bachelor , The Bachelorette , and its drunk cousin Bachelor in Paradise have been slowly and steadily revamping over the past couple of years. Nick Viall, our current unemployed software engineer turned bachelor-at-arms, isnt precisely a cookie cutter contender. His extreme sense and predisposition to moan at the slightest provocation differentiates him from the silent and stoic romantic leads of seasons past. Plus, he wears jewelry and might even have a sense of humor. If Viall is the believing females bachelor, hes likewise the closest weve ever be coming home with a professional contestant. After multiple sequence on the franchise, Nick is highly aware of, say, what makes a good revise and what the fuck is provoke Bachelor Nation backlash. On a not-unrelated mention, his season boasts the most diverse reserve of Bachelor contenders in dealership history2 2 lily-white and eight non-white girls. As a point of comparison, previous bachelor Ben Higgins deigned to date five non-white players, and Chris Souless season featured merely one.

Theres an argument to be made that Nick wants to appear instructed and salvage his historically compromised reputation. That would explain why so many black girls have remained in the running this season, despite the fact that Viall doesnt actually seemed to be engaging a romantic relation with them. Last-place week, Jasmine met her would-be fianc, confessing that his complete disinterest in spending one-on-one time with her shaped her feel unwanted and insecure. Uncomfortable and called-out, Nick politely indicated/ told her to parcel her containers. Loyal viewers will recollect a similar interaction earlier in the season between Nick and Dominique. Dominique felt underappreciated and stuck in her own brain; Nick felt like he really didnt need to be talking to Dominique anymore. While boozing unlimited Chardonnay and claiming to fall in love with person might sound like an easy gig , non-white Bachelor/ Bachelorette opponents have historically had a hard start of it. Its telling that these crises of confidence so consistently afflict rivals of pigment. Of trend these women are in their own headstheir premiers are telling them that pitch-black ladies dont find love on The Bachelor franchise.

The Bachelor / Bachelorettes whitewashing has been blamed and parodied, most exhaustively by UnREAL , the scripted Lifetime send-up of the dating demonstrate phenomenon. On Season 2, UnREAL imagined what it would look like to shed the first pitch-black suitorand all of the exploitative clickbait and ethnic tension that would unavoidably follow. Of trend, the fact that it only took this Bachelor lampoon two seasons to stimulate that so-called historic announcementone that the real franchise had yet to tacklewas truly shameful. In a 2016 interview with The Daily Beast, host Chris Harrison demurred on the topic, saying that questions of diversity were path above my compensate point. He was indicated that, Anyone has the same chance to end upand I hate to say triumph because its not a game show. It has to do with your connection with person. But everybody has a chance to fall in love, it doesnt stuff who you are.

According to Beyonc, black girls can increasingly find their own thinkings in the news and onscreen. But while this surge in image has been vital for aspiring actresses and senators, it had yet to reach the little girl who fantasy of growing up to find love in a televised world competitionuntil now. As Americas very first pitch-black Bachelorette, Rachel has a huge amount of responsibility. In addition to finding the cherish of their own lives, shes tasked with proving to the world that black wives can serial date just as convincingly as their lily-white counterparts. But as certain as we are that Nick Viall will die alone, have every confidence that Rachel Lindsay will make a lovely, charismatic bachelorette.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-first-black-bachelorette-rachel-lindsay-breaks-a-ridiculous-color-barrier/

[justbloggingit-blog]

The 10 Best New TV Shows of 2017 (So Far)

If choosing the 10 best new TV shows of 2017 sounds like a difficult task, trust us: It is. Even limiting the options to series that debuted before May 1 left us with any number of worthy near-misses, including the recent Dear White People and American Gods—both of which will surely have a strong showing when we update our list come September. (We also excluded one-off miniseries such as Big Little Lies, though new anthology series, like Feud, were eligible.) As with our ranking of the 20 best TV shows overall, though, the result still features entries for every taste, with oddball comedies (Santa Clarita Diet) and sharp-tongued teen melodramas (Riverdale) alike. The list even offers a glimpse of TV’s future: Unlike our overall ranking, which is dominated by broadcast, cable and premium outlets, streaming services landed six of the 10 slots.

Here are the 10 best new TV shows of 2017 (so far):

10. Detroiters Network: Comedy Central

The key to Detroiters is its sincerity, which shines through almost every episode without any kind of smugness or self-congratulations. Sam Richardson (Veep) and Tim Robinson (Saturday Night Live) genuinely love each other, and their families, and their advertising company, and most of all their city. (It’s Detroit. Detroit, Michigan. That’s where they’re from.) The tone gets dark at times, and Tim and Sam occasionally act petty or vindictive, but there’s almost none of the cynicism and mean-spiritedness so often found in comedy today. When they’re making illicit purchases in a back alley at night with Tim’s sanity-challenged father, they’re not buying drugs, but fireworks. When Sam unintentionally becomes a gigolo, it takes him a while to realize it, and he’s convinced he’s in love with his only client. When they accidentally run over prospective client Jason Sudeikis, it gnaws at them until they inevitably let Sudeikis run them over as penance. Without this sweetness, Detroiters would probably still be funny, but it wouldn’t be as charming or as powerful. Garrett Martin

9. Santa Clarita Diet Network:   Netflix  

What if one of the couples in Saturday Night Live’s “The Californians” started eating people and they began systematically and quite rationally (logistically speaking) incorporating it into their lives? Well, that’d be the bizarro comedy that is Santa Clarita Diet. Stilted and strange in its delivery of aggressively witty jokes, it’s a series that seemed to escape from a mad scientist’s lab unfinished—but that’s the point. It’s roasting Californian perfection for a delicious bonfire and stars Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant are obviously hungry for more. Jacob Oller

8. The Good Fight Network: CBS All Access

Admit it. You were nervous. I was nervous. We were all worried that there was no way The Good Fight could live up to our expectations. But it has. And then some. Without the confines of network television, showrunners Michelle and Robert King have flourished. Diane’s (Christine Baranski) fall from financial grace was a great catalyst to start the series, re-team her with Lucca (Cush Jumbo) and introduce new series regulars. Plus, the world the Kings have created is so rich, fan favorites including Elsbeth Tascioni (Carrie Preston) and Colin Sweeney (Dylan Baker) easily weave in and out of this world. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: The Good Fight gives good spin-off. Amy Amatangelo

7. Patriot Network: Amazon

What if 007 dealt with his PTSD and the moral ambiguities of being a spy by revealing his deepest inner turmoil (and state secrets) at open-mic nights in Amsterdam? What if Q had trouble requisitioning his apartment with a single chair? And M sent him to work at a piping firm in the Midwest with an extra digit in his social security number? What if the American version of a Bond film replaced the car chases, femme fatales and slick gadgets with the dark humor of the Coen brothers, mixing deep ennui with side-splitting moments of levity? That’s Patriot in a nutshell. The stakes are high—keeping nuclear weapons out of the hands of an Iranian extremist leader—but everything depends on our hero, John Tavner, (Michael Dormer) first navigating the mid-level corporate world of industrial piping. Josh Jackson

6. One Day at a Time Network:   Netflix  

I can’t remember a time I loved something the way I love the new One Day at a Time. Part of my affection stems from the fact that the show was such a discovery. It arrived January 6 of this year with almost no hype. I write about TV for a living and I barely knew it was premiering. Almost immediately I dismissed the show as yet another ill-advised remake. How wrong I was. The comedy is a pure delight. A throwback to the defining comedies of the 1970s with a modern twist, the show deftly tackles some hot-button issues, including post-traumatic stress disorder, wage inequality and teenage sexuality, amid real conversations about generational differences and Cuban heritage and traditions. Justina Machado (Six Feet Under) is fantastic as the recently separated veteran raising her two adolescent children with the help of her mother Lydia (living legend Rita Moreno) and her landlord Schneider (Todd Grinnell). Moreno gives an amazing speech in the series 12th episode that should easily nab her an Emmy nomination this year. But above all, the show is funny and grounded. Once you start watching, you won’t be able to watch this gem one day at a time. Amy Amatangelo

5. 13 Reasons Why Network:   Netflix  

Here’s something ironic: One of the 2017 shows that might be the easiest to take for granted could very well be the one about a teenage girl who kills herself because she was taken for granted. Based on author Jay Asher’s young adult bestseller, 13 Reasons Why is about what happens when the bullying, sexting, betrayed friendships, doublespeak conversations, and sheer loneliness of high-school hell get too much for teenager Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford). But Hannah doesn’t go down without naming some names, and her suicide note comes in the form of an audio recording in which she recounts exactly what (and who) led her to fall into this pit of hopelessness. The message is that everyone had a chance to save Hannah from herself, even the adults. 13 Reasons Why is one of the most important TV shows of the season. Whitney Friedlander

4. Riverdale Network:: The CW

This is the way I’ve been selling Riverdale to friends who have not yet wised up and started watching it: it’s Gossip Girl meets Twin Peaks, but with the characters from Archie Comics. That alone should be enough to suck them in, but if they need more convincing, I add that Luke Perry plays Archie’s dad, Molly Ringwald plays Archie’s mom, Skeet Ulrich plays Jughead’s creepy hot dad (who is also the head of the local gang, the Southside Serpents), and for the first third of the season, Archie is boning his music teacher, Ms. Grundy—who, unlike in the comics—where she’s an elderly white-haired lady—goes around wearing heart-eyed sunglasses and picking up teen boys. It’s ridiculous and campy in all the right ways (hey, this is a CW teen drama, after all), but there’s also a compelling murder mystery driving the plot (“Who killed Jason Blossom?” is Riverdale’s “Who killed Laura Palmer?”), with new twists and turns peppered in along the way. Bonnie Stiernberg

3. Feud Network: FX

American Crime Story and Feud have proven that auteur Ryan Murphy is at his best when he has a short, concise story to tell. And so Murphy’s examination of the long-running rift between Joan Crawford (Jessica Lange) and Bette Davis (Susan Sarandon) was more than just an examination of their experience filming Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?: It’s also a condemnation of an industry that abused them and cast them aside and what happens when your self-worth is completely tied to your public persona. We could debate for weeks whether Lange or Sarandon gave the better performance. I say let’s call it a draw, because both women had career highs with this series. Jackie Hoffman had a breakout performance as Crawford’s maid, Mamacita (I would so watch the story re-told from her perspective). Aided by strong performances from Stanley Tucci, Judy Davis, Alfred Molina, Alison Wright and Kiernan Shipka, with just the right amount of camp and Pepsi thrown in, we wanted to be friends with Feud all this time. Amy Amatangelo

2. The Handmaid’s Tale Network:   Hulu  

With precise compositions and a rich sense of color, The Handmaid’s Tale envisions the intersectional, drawing the interlocking influences of gender, sexuality and status into its portrait of a puritanical dystopia not far from our own: “Blessed are the meek,” Offred (Elisabeth Moss) says in scornful voiceover, referring to the extremists’ empty dictum. “They always left out the part about inheriting the Earth.” Indeed, as she navigates Gilead’s stony euphemisms and loud silences, whether playing Scrabble with the powerful Commander Waterford (Jospeh Fiennes), flirting with his driver (Max Minghella), or (unsuccessfully) avoiding the ire of Waterford’s wife (Yvonne Strahovski), patriarchal dominion becomes the series’ unifying principle, the poison that soaks through the body politic “under His eye.” In this sense, the first great political drama of our authoritarian age is also, as with Atwood’s now three-decade-old novel, a kind of instant classic: Forever of our time. Matt Brennan

1. Legion Network: FX

We were introduced to Noah Hawley’s dark humor with Fargo, but Legion allows the writer/creator to play in a more fantastical sandbox—and thus to truly revel in a batshit crazy world. If ABC’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. gave us the light-hearted comic-book action and Netflix’s quartet of interwoven series showcased the grittier side of superheroes, FX’s first partnership with Marvel embraces the insanity of a lesser-known X-Men character, making you forget it has any shared DNA with those blockbuster men in super-suits. The story is as much about Dan Stevens’ character’s grasp on reality as his struggle for survival. David Heller suffers from schizophrenia, but what’s real and what’s the product of malevolent forces is often unclear, with his friend, Lenny Busker (Aubrey Plaza), playing the imaginary devil on his shoulder. The production design, full of ‘60s/’70s psychedelia and striking color palettes, the cast, which includes Hawley’s Fargo collaborators Rachel Keller and Jean Smart, and the sharp writing make this another win for FX.

[praphit]

Bats and Wick: Leave tortured souls alone!

It is Oscar season, people! Y’all  better get out there and see these movies! All kinds of goodies: we got sensitive movies like “Lion”, where a brown man gets Brady Bunch Fever and chases after some white woman… I think he saves her from a cg Lion, played by Liam Neeson or something. Good stuff!

We’ve got movies like “Hidden Figures” and “Fences” to keep those pesky “Oscarssowhite” hashtags away.

We’ve even got some science fiction action getting in there with “Arrival” where Amy Adams falls in love with some aliens that are literally all fingers. 

But, sometimes, movies come out a lil late for the cut, and have to wait a year. That’s the case here with these two tortured souls – John Wick and Batman

Let’s start with Keanu (aka Neo and my man gets another aka with John Wick) 

I loved the first Chapter.

If y’all don’t know, John Wick is a hitman. One of the rules of the killing game is never fall in love – he did so, but she ended up dying (sickness). She left him a dog, his car got stolen, and that dog got killed in the process, and that’s when we got a movie!

In chapter 1, it was not enough for John Wick to beat you, but he’s gotta beat you in the most badass way possible. Kinda like Michael Jordan used to do – you’re already down 30 points, jumps from the three point line for a dunk, while in the air he takes some selfies, winks at your girlfriend, does a Nike commercial, talks to the players below him about how he banged their moms (and he really did), eats a sandwich, finally dunks, and then lands in slo-mo. – yeah... that’s Wick.

John Wick is the Michael Jordan of the Hitman game.

But, still hurting from his wife and dog, he simply wants to be left alone. In Chapter 2, he has a NEW dog, he’s got his bachelor pad lookin all feng shui. Seriously, the ladies would love this place, but he doesn’t want them (rare for an action man) - just his dog, some Netflix, and a bottle of bourbon. He was good! Just sitting around, getting his mope on - 

Making pensive look good, right??

With his new dog - 

PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!

But… if he and his dog are content, we have no movie, so… they blew up his house. 

Yeah, they BLEW UP HIS FRICKIN HOUSE!

Why won’t they leave this man alone?!

Fortunately, this gives us another stylish revenge flick.

All the good stuff from the last movie is in this one! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!

Whenever Liam Neeson decides to retire from whupin ass, John Wick will be ready to step in. The creative action is there, the humor of all of this carnage happening in NY with no one being all that concerned is there, Keanu is doin his thang… I only have two issues – a minor one and a major one; and they both have names.

1)      Common (minor one) –

Another role with him playing a charisma-less bad guy. Not bad, but it could have been so much better with someone who could do comedy well. I know that might not make sense to you, but if you watch the movie, you’ll know what I mean.

2)      Ruby Rose (major one) - 

Sexy ass Ruby Rose. I mean look at her. Whew! I lead worship at a church, and if I (while leading) saw Ruby walk in… good sweet Lord. I’d stop the service so the congregation could give a united “Damn she fine!” I mean we’d all have to start repenting right then and there as fights over her would spontaneously break out.

If Ruby is in a movie like this you’re expecting sexiness and badassery… and you get neither. I’m not saying she has to be a hoe, but… c’mon now... Morpheus had more sex appeal in his scenes than her (NOT HER FAULT BTW… I blame the director). 

And Morpheus was walking around looking homeless and petting street birds. 

Ruby can act too! Do something with her!  It’d be like having The Rock in a movie, but not utilizing his charm… or that bahdy.

Plus nobody is going to believe that little Ruby can take on John Wick. I mean give her something… skills with swords, ability to blow fire… or simply make her over the top crazy – NOTHING!

BUT… her being mute was a nice touch.

All in all – good stuff! Grade: B+

Oh but there’s one more tortured soul that I need to get to… The Batman.

We know Bats as brooding, calculated, and disgruntled, but in Lego Batman we get to see more of the jerk side of Batman. He’s delusional and all about the glory, but I’d say that he’s earned that. The man saves Gotham (a city that deserves to be given up on) like every week.

But these ingrates can’t handle Batman’s shine, so they’re all playing pop-psychologist.

Alfred (his annoying butler) – talkin smack, saying Batman needs to move on with his life and start a family. Don’t you hate it when people try to pimp you out and marry you off?? Alfred does this in every movie. “Master Bruce, don’t you think it’s time to settle down?”

Sure, let Bruce give up all of the Russian supermodels, flamboyant lifestyle, his Bat toys, and total Dark Knight glory for this

Some of you might say this is cute... and it kinda is, but look at the face of the dad... yeaaaaaah. He’s thinking he much rather be doing this 

and this - 

Barbara Gordon – says stuff like “We can’t have a grown man dressed up like a bat, beating up homeless people and the mentally ill.” 

While out of context... she may have a point, but you tell me that while Catwoman is breaking into your home to steal your stuff, and while The Riddler is spray painting riddles all over your property. On a side note, isn't Barbara Gordon supposed to be closer to Robin's age? Batman was hitting on her hard throughout the movie... kinda like Ben Affleck putting the moves on someone like... Emma Watson. Kinda odd... but I'll let it slide! Cuz he's frickin Batman! Once you reach a certain level of glory you can do what you want! Look at Beyonce's Grammy performance... made no sense, but she's The Queen/"our light"(according to Adele) so we applaud anyway! Let Bats do what he wants!

Even Joker got in on the pop-psych – 

Well, kinda... trying to convince Batman that he’s gay for him, and that they complete each other... or something. Just imaging kids playing batman vs joker in the backyard... play time is about to get real interesting:) Anyway...

This movie has all of the fun and amazing cgi from The Lego Movie, and it even has some goood messages to get across... I mean, I disagree with them, but they’re well thoughout.

Movie Messages: 

“Get over your painful past” and “family is important”

Yeah, I said it, I disagree with them.

What if Eminem had gotten over his jaded past??

Think of all of the great music we’d miss out on

Or if Mike Tyson had processed his... “issues” properly?? He never would have went on to have such a dominating career.

and as for family --- family hurts us the most out of everybody, right?? Plus, in this movie, Batman is doing fine on his own. It’s not until people start making him doubt himself that he starts getting sloppy. There’s also a part in this movie (spoiler I guess) that they lock Batman up.... that’s when the city gets worse! 

Let Batman be himself! If he wants to kill, let him do it. If he wants to hold onto to pain and solitude, let him be!

I say stick to Russian models as your family and allow the pain to fester until it explodes in a glorious fashion.

Anyway, this movie is good. Not as strong as the Lego movie, but a solid B.

Soooooo… what have we learned?

1)      Alfred is an asshole

2)      Larry Fishburne is sexier than Ruby Rose

3)      LEAVE TORTURED SOULS ALONE! - quit trying to change people! You may need their dark craziness to save you one day.