#Please look at my autism ramblings

[sodo-mizerr]

CONTRIBUTING SHIT TO THE UHH KISS FANDOM BECAUSE I AM SUPER HYPERFIXATED AND IT'S ONLY GETTING WORSE XD here's my interpertations of the CHARACTERS of the Kiss members and how they meet in my little headcanon story :3

(Will add Eric Carr and the others to this at some point, but like for now it's just Paul, Peter, Ace and Gene)

Blame @2hotintheshade for letting me ramble to them about these ideas lol, I will be drawing them at some point but for now I'm just here writing shit (extra little stuff from our convo's in dms abt this under the dash)

Again thank you for letting me ramble random awesome tumblr user (pls check out their acc btw their art is amazing!!)

[sonicranger1]

Can't believe i'm forced to say this again but alas- (<- No one is forcing me to do this)

BESTIES! ERROR AND NIGHTMARE AREN'T CANON TO INK! DREAM IS NOT CANON TO INK!

The only one that could possibly be canon to Ink is Swap if we take into consideration the canceled comic Comyet did a long while back! And the art Comyet has done with Ink and Error I'm 99% sure is just a what-if, not canon interpretation on how they think they possibly would interact together

Everytime I see someone with their full chest exclaim how the dream twins or Error are canon to ink I internally die inside I'm sorry

[dootznbootz]

I have Penelope as just "#penelope" even though I KNOW she's "#penelope of ithaca" but I don't tag her as that as 1.) To ME, there is only one Penelope, (even though yes, she's very proud to be of Ithaca) and 2.) it's mostly because ...I don't think most people want my goofy, weird, Water Wife™ Penelope 😅

[frothingatthemaw]

been oc-ing the fuck out of vessel….. i have written some Thoughts about him while i’ve been away :3 if anyone wants to see them, i can post em!!

[littlebear1537]

Bear Chimera Transmutation Circle for Sam

I wanted to go into more detail on how I created the transmutation circle for Sam!

Here is the transmutation circle! I am thinking of cleaning it up but this is the first one I drew!

Below the cut is my explanation of how I created this circle! (It's pretty long so I suggest reading it if you have the energy too, or just skim through it! There are helpful links and explanations on the process I did to create one!)

Before I get into my explanation, the link below is the basics of alchemy in the show!

Alchemy Fullmetal Alchemist

First off, I started researching what goes into a transmutation circle. I stumbled across a couple of sites but one helped me in particular! Click here vvv

Analysis on Riza's Tattoo

This helped me understand what goes into the research behind transmutation circles. It uses science, art, and belief! Thankfully, science is a strong suit for me so I quickly grasped onto the idea of alchemy - So I am here to explain it!

Next, I stumbled across alchemy symbols! This helped me understand how a transmutation circle worked. Using different symbols within the circle can lead to different things happening. For example, the flame transmutation circle on Roy's glove uses the alchemy symbol for the element fire. I used Wikipedia for different symbols and what each of them mean!

Alchemical Symbols

From here, I was able to gather different symbols for the transmutation circle above! Each symbol that goes into a transmutation circle will do different things. Now I am not an expert on how to create a transmutation circle, but looking at the symbols, the transmutation circle explains what it should hypothetical do.

If I was doing basic alchemy, I would use a lot of the elemental symbols in my circle. However, a chimera is a branch of bio-alchemy which means I will be looking more at the processes instead of using elements such as copper (unless those elements had some sort of connection to them that would make sense of bonding two souls together and creating one entity)

Using the Alchemical process symbols, I was able to see which one would make the most sense in a chimera transmutation. In this case, I used the symbol for "cancer" which is a zodiac sign!

Cancer is the symbol to show the alchemical process of "Solution". A solution is a type of mixture that has the appearance of one substance, yet is a combination of multiple. For example, a mechanical mixture would have multiple substances that you are able to see with your bare eye (ex. A salad). However, a solution would be something that you would believe to be one pure substance, yet actually has multiple substances within it (Such as Salt water).

The cancer symbol can be seen in the transmutation circle (Highlighted in green):

I used this symbol since Sam was supposed to merge with a bear and create one entity. So, they would be similar to a "solution" .Since there are two entities (Sam and the bear) and they would become as one.

Next, I used the symbol for Mercury (or spirit). This means fusibility. Fusibility is how likely two or more substances are able to connect and become one.

The symbol for Mercury can be seen here (Highlighted in Pink):

This symbol was used because Sam was going to fuse with a bear. These two souls would fuse to create one which would be used in chimera transmutations.

And then! with a bit of artistic liberty plus the knowledge of a basic transmutation circle, I was able to create this!

I am no expert nor don't know if this would even make sense with the fma universe, yet this is what I came up with! One thing I did notice about other transmutation circles, is that every symbol was connected somehow. I am thinking of doing that and create a more polished one, yet these are the symbols I would use and even the structure itself!

[magdaclaire]

my parents being fucking weird has ruined so many of the activities queers typically salivate over

[goldiipond]

getting feelings of both autistic pride and 'come on man' from the fact that well over half the posts that have been posted in don's tag since i got into tpn were made by me

[silkythewriter]

I had an idea for a few headcanons you could do if ya want—

Maybe Sir Pentious with a reader who is so obviously in love with him, and keeps pining over him while literally everyone else but Sir Pentious himself can tell they like him? Like he's just really oblivous until reader finally straight up tells him.

Sir Pentious with a clearly in love reader!(●’◡’●)❤︎︎

Warnings!: Non!

Fandoms!:Hazbin hotel!

Author’s note!: HI HI OMG I LOVE SIR PENTIOUS HES SO SILLY!!!! I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS AS MUCH AS I DID

Summary!: reader who’s clearly in love with our favorite snake demon

❤️Written by silkythewriter Do not steal or repost on any other platform please! ❤️

☆✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬☆

“Call me, you can call me

Boy, just call me (call me, call me)

While you stalling, I'm evolving

I'd give all me”

☆✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬☆

!🐍✨Sir Pentious✨🐍!

First of all, just to get out of the way, THIS MAN IS OBLIVIOUS!!!!, Autism be damned my boy can pull without even telling!!!!!

No but in all seriousness he is oblivious to your obvious longing for him.

Everyone can see you giving him shy longing stares only for him to be ranting about his latest invention. Not only would he not be able to tell but he’d always think your just being nice!

Of course he’s crushing hard behind his bedroom door to his little eggs. Happily stating and going on rambles of how gorgeous you looked today. He’d state everything! From the new hair style you tried to the new piece of clothing you bought and wore. When I mean he notices everything I mean it, but for some reason he can’t pick up on your obvious love for him.

The way he could stare in your eye as you tell him he looks breathtaking and still think you mean it just to be nice is astonishing. OF COURSE HES BLUSHING AND KICKING HIS TAIL, but he can’t bring himself to think you like him anymore than just friends!

He’d go to his egg boys and sadly rant on how you’ll only see him as friend. And the egg boys all share one Brain cell so they can’t tell you like him aswell!, maybe they might accidentally spill, or almost spill the secret of him liking you but he quickly knocks them away before you can make sense of what their saying.

All the residents watch as you do your best to drop hints only for him to complete miss it. Even angel cringes as he watches him completely be oblivious to the obvious flirting, it’s take Charlie and Vaggie to stop him from pointing out the obvious.

Husk almost always gives Sir Pentious as gaze of just utter confusion and tiredness.

He’d gladly take flowers from you that you gifted him and take care of it for weeks on end without realizing the romantic gesture!

Alastor, as always finds it humorous, although he usually doesn’t indulge himself in romantic like things he’s find it hilarious. “Even with three eyes he still can’t see the obvious! Ha!”

Charlie tries to help to the best of her ability to help guid him the right direction but it’s just end up with him more confused. Vaggie just face slaps internally,

honestly the whole crew wasn’t having high hopes for him as dim as that is. , look! He ain’t bad looking, but not many people would prefer his clumsy self, so they were honestly hoping he’d figure it out before you possibly moved on.

Even when your upset at the obvious frustrating situation he’s still be confused while trying to do his best to comfort you.

“Well I think the man isss clearly as dumb as a rock!”

It took you starring dead in his eyes for him to question if you were alright. Before you stated it was him

The way he just stood staring at you in pure disbelief, before snapping out of it and embarrassed as his previous words. But after the said embarrassment he’s full with giddy, why of course you love him!, he’s the great sir pentious!

Yea his embarrassment would quickly turn into pride, considering he got someone as beautiful as you to fall for him.

Definition of a clumsy gentlemen, he’d open doors so fast it’d smack him in the face, or pull when it’s a push door and be confused why it’s not opening.(´ω｀💧)

He’s just a silly lil guy! (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)

I feel like the crew in the hotel would be relief to find he finally figured out.

At the end of the night he’s squealing like a high school girl as he rambles to his egg boys about you in a new light!.

He’s gift you small little trinkets or happily spend hours with you talking!

He’s as lovesick as your are! He’s just a bit dense when it comes to accepting the fact you love.

It’s like the roles switched! Now he’s daydreaming-ly staring at you happy to have you as his, and him a yours.

Like I’ve said before! He’s a total drama queen, he can’t help it!, deny him a kiss teasingly? He’s crumbling down to the ground and holding his chest as if he just had a heart attack! (¬_¬)

He’s not at all secretive of his love for you, even if he wants to, to keep his image “professional”, he just can’t help and dote on you!

overall he’s a big dote and softy even if he tries to hide it, loves you with his whole being! ( ˘ω˘ ) He can a be a bit over the top sometimes but you’ll come to accept it! And hey who wouldn’t want a silly snake demons who’s tripping over their tail for you. Yea you got him in and over his head but he wouldn’t have it any other way. The roles have truly reversed(≖ᴗ≖✿)

☆✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬✬☆

I LOVE HIS SILLY LIL SELF SO MUCH MORE PEOPLE SHOULD WRITE FOR HIM :(. TYSM FOR THE REQUEST I LOVED IT SM!!!! PLEASE COME AGAIN!!

[bullywugprincess]

As an autistic person, I think some autistic people (and neurotypicals attempting to be good allies) are sometimes doing more harm than good with how insistent we are that autistic people are as capable of achievements as anyone else.

I’m feeling quite tired right now and writing this first go without thinking too much about how I’m wording it, so please bear with me while I explain how I mean that. Basically I just saw a post of a father saying his son is autistic and has struggled to get a job because of it, but he was a really polite, sweet young man, and because of his personality one employer overlooked his struggles and gave him his first job. The post was him showing pride in his sons hood personality and spirit, and half the comments were autistic people saying it was patronising and “of course he can get a job, autistic people can do normal things and achieve things like everyone else.”

And look. I get it. We’re tired of being treated like children. We’re tired of being the subject of “inspo porn”. We’re tired of people acting like we can’t do things just because we’re autistic. But I think a lot of autistic people who are more well adapted and low-needs (again please excuse my terming, I know we don’t use low functioning/high functioning labels anymore but I don’t know what the alternative is) get offended by people acknowledging that some autistic people DO struggle, whether it’s with making friends or academically or with getting and keeping a job. Statistically speaking 3 in 10 autistic adults are in full time employment, compared to 8 in 10 non-disabled adults. And yeah that statistics probably off because of how many people go through life undiagnosed, but the point still stands. Because of learning difficulties, problems with socialisation or being unable to cope in a work environment due to sensory and other issues, many autistic people are unable to work. I don’t know the situation of the son from the post, but it is clearly something he’s struggled with, and the dad is not being patronising by acknowledging that struggle and praising him for overcoming it. By responding to a post like that by saying “of course autistic people can get jobs”, you are doing what ableists do. You are implying that people who can’t work because of their autism are actually just not trying. You are making autistic people who feel really proud of themselves for getting a job despite the difficulties they face seem stupid for it. And, if you’re not careful, you become someone’s excuse to claim autistic people don’t deserve accommodation or disability allowance/benefits because “they don’t need it, autistic people are perfectly capable of getting jobs.”

Another thing to consider: think about that person who said “you’re autistic? But you don’t behave like my 7 year old nephew? That’s not what autism is.” By saying autistic people can do something because YOU can do it is setting a rigid view of What Autism Is. Which like. We’ve all established is bad.

Again I’d like to apologise for how badly worded and ramble-y this is but autism is a disability, and it effects everyone with it differently. Let’s not diminish other people’s struggles

[auxiliarydetective]

Live Lux reaction

He heard the coughing from down the hallway and got a little concerned. Those Zoan + former security guard ears hear everything lol

need more one piece oc friends...

[alllgator-blood]

I have ten billion WIP sketches I need to finish, but for some reason I stayed up from 9 PM to 4 AM conceptualizing, making patterns, sewing, painting and applying makeup on this stupid fucking felt squid......the detailing needs to be cleaned up cause there's only one coat of paint so far, but he's pretty much done

my neighbors probably think I'm insane because I was running around the yard clenching this toy kallamar in a death grip and flying him around like an airplane/putting him in the barbecue/poking him with a stick. I want to tie him to a string and recreate the opening of napoleon dynamite >:) ALSO I MADE HIM SMOKE OUT OF A STUPID CRYSTAL PIPE BUT PLEASE DON'T ACTUALLY USE THOSE, THEY ARE SUPER TOXIC LMAO MINE IS FOR DECORATION

I don't have any process pics because I had tunnel vision autism style and forgot the rest of the universe existed while I was working on him. BUT if you're curious I'll ramble below the cut

Okay I am not a seamstress by any means. I've sewn my entire life but very, very infrequently. I've done plushies, clothes, cosplays, fursuits, accessories, etc. but I only do one like once a year, so while I planned to make all 5 bishops, I'm not really sure I'll get them all done. The material cost was like 20 bucks tops so I'm not too upset if I don't finish them. I AT LEAST WANT TO GET SHAMURA OR HEKET DONE.

here is the concept sketch ft. heket's toes and shamura's fingers. I decided to do his pre-schism version so I could fit him with jewelry! I did him first because like I said I sew infrequently and don't know wtf I'm doing, everyone else seemed a lot more complicated.

So I basically just traced this drawing on a printer paper-sized canvas in SAI, and guesstimated how everything would look in a 3D space. His head is four pieces, one triangle identical to the one in the picture, two wide triangles that are sewn together in the back, and a circle for his chin. You can't really see it in any of the pics but he's literally like a black cylindrical stick with little tentacles sewn on where his mantle connects to his cloak. The leg tentacles are one piece of felt that look like tassels, where they're connected by a rectangle but branch off into individual pieces. He can't stand up very well, so his cape keeps him up (that's gonna be an issue for every other bishop too except heket cause she's gonna be ROUND). Mostly everything like the crown, cloak, head, etc. are cones so I just had to make a lot of wide triangles.

For the details, I just used acrylic paint that was watered down so he's not especially crunchy, and for the blush tone I used a makeup palette my mom bought me 10 years ago in hopes I'd get in touch with my "feminine side", but I grew up into a nonbinary butch lesbian so OOPS. Kallamar looks better with makeup than me anyway. I'm kinda sad I couldn't get his freckles as lopsided as I draw them but it probably looks better in plush form to have them even anyway....

I could just post the pattern so I don't have to explain this but 1. I am mentally ill about the thought of my kallamar being in someone else's house and 2. the original pattern had to be tweaked while I was working on him so the final pattern straight up doesn't exist, I winged it the whole time

OH and the jewelry is just scrap pieces I had laying around, I might repaint it all to be gold instead of silver + bronze. I used 20g aluminum wire for his armlet thing, jumper rings for his earrings + ring (+ a diamond dot from my mom's kits for the gem) and chain for the bracelet. I made him an amulet as well but it felt like overkill so I took it off. I'm probably gonna make him a plague doctor mask and medicine bag sometime because I think about nurse kallamar more than I probably should :') I've already sewn one as a prop for a toy raven before so it shouldn't be too hard

[oswildin]

Loki x Autistic!Partner Headcannons

Please be aware these are based off my own experiences with autism as a late diagnosed, cis woman. No autistic person is the same. Don’t take this as advice.

You finally got the diagnosis, after years of feeling like there was something missing, something not clicking… And then finally, it made sense.

When you told Loki, well, he looked at you strangely. Confused. Sure, you were a little ‘quirky’ (what a classic descriptor used), had your… habits. Why did mortals have a word for everything?

“It doesn’t change anything.” Loki had told you. You knew he meant well, you knew how he meant it.

“But it does. In a way.” You’d told him. It meant you now had the chance to make changes, to adjust, set boundaries in your life.

You were getting ready for bed when you saw a book on the bedside table that you didn’t recognise. Loki had a habit of leaving his books lying around. But typically they were all old looking, massive ancient texts with the occasional modern novel. Moving towards the table, you picked it up, eyeing the title.

“I wanted to read up on it.” Loki spoke from the doorway, seeing you turn to look at it. “Understand. Help.” He said softly, slowly approaching. “Make sure that I can do everything that I can to make life easier.” He paused. “Which I know sounds ridiculous coming from the God of Mischief who is renown for doing the exact opposite.” He smirked, tone teasing.

You felt a warmth in your chest, seeing the genuine care in his actions, his words. Putting the book down, you closed the distance between you both, giving him a hug. Loki instantly wrapped his arms around you, holding you close, a small soft smile on his lips.

“I know it’s not the same…” He began quietly. “But… I know how it feels to be… on the outside.” He paused. “To feel like… you are always trying to find a place to fit in. Wishing you could be understood.” His hand soothingly rubbed your back. “But…” His lips tugged upwards faintly. “Then I found you and you made me feel like I belonged.”

And of course, he did the same for you. It was amazing how one person could make you feel that way.

Loki was a man who was both impatient and patient, but with you, he was always the latter. Sure, there were time when he got frustrated - but never at you. It was at himself, at the fact he couldn’t simply magic any problems you faced away (literally and metaphorically).

When you go quiet, he doesn’t force you to try to speak, or try to engage you in conversation, knowing that you just need time and space and quiet. But he will sit with you. And of course, give you plenty of hugs if that’s what you needed.

He feels a warmth spread through him whenever he sees you happy stim, it never fails to bring a smile to his face. If you’re happy, he’s happy.

Loki always laughs with you, not at you.

The first time he see’s you having a meltdown tears at his heart. He does his absolute best to help calm you down, but knows there’s boundaries and is always conscious of what he says or does in those situations. He doesn’t crowd you, even if his first instinct is to wrap you in his arms and hug you, make you feel safe - but he knows that isn’t always what you need.

After a while, he began to pick up on the small things, the tiny details that told him you were becoming overwhelmed or frustrated, instantly allowing you to take the reins and tell him what you need and want to ensure you didn’t get to the point of a meltdown.

Loki never treats you like a child. He’d read about how common it is for people to do that, and the notion seemed utterly absurd to him.

Oh, he loved hearing you info-dump and talk about your interests. He loved seeing the way your eyes lit up, the way you spoke so passionately and enthusiastically about them.

“Sorry, I was rambling-“ You’d say sheepishly, making Loki furrow his brows. “No, no, continue. Please.” He’d encourage, nodding with a small smile. “I want to know.”

And of course, you could listen to him speak about magic for hours. You loved seeing him be passionate about such things too, his facial expressions, the quips he’d make about how people didn’t know the difference between ‘duplicate casting’ and ‘illusion projection’.

“Honestly, it’s not that hard to understand.” “They’re clearly completely two different things.” “It’s insulting.”

He’d cast illusions of the night sky on the ceiling, fluttering butterflies, small fireworks… anything that made your eyes light up. He’ll bring you some form of calm.

When you got snappy or agitated, he’d bite his tongue. His instinct was to quip back - he was still Loki after all. But he understood that it wasn’t personal, it wasn’t him. And so over time, the defensiveness would wane, and he’d simply give you space or whatever you need.

You understood each other. As Loki had said, it was different circumstances, but he knew how it felt to be seen as the ‘outsider’, not feeling like he quite fit in but didn’t understand why - until he, of course, found out his true heritage.

But there was a kinship there. He knew how lonely and isolating it could feel to be seen as ‘different’. And he never wanted you to feel that with him. And you never wanted him to feel that with you.

He found you comforting. Calming even. Like a solace to the soul. Through the good and the bad.

You’d told him about your childhood, how you never felt like you fit in, couldn’t work out why other children weren’t as nice to you or wouldn’t let you play with them at break time. Even when they did, it never was what you wanted to do or suggested. Always playing by their rules.

Loki could relate to that. Growing up with Thor and the others… He always preferred reading and learning magic over the more… boisterous activities they would prefer. And he always felt like he was just there because of Thor.

You told him about how you went through your teen years being confused about everything and anything. The turmoil of emotions you had no understanding of yet, why you felt so tired, sad, angry and alone. It broke his heart to know you had gone through such things, to know you had ‘changed’ yourself to try and fit in with others expectations and ideals.

Yes, he also understood that feeling rather well too.

“You know you never have to do that with me, right?” Loki had asked, never wanting you to feel that way with him.

“Am I too much?” You’d once asked him, and the look on your face - the fact you’d even asked him - tugged at his heartstrings.

“Maybe.” Loki said softly, noticing your face drop for a moment before he quickly added: “But-“ Making you look up at him, brows furrowing. “You’re my too much.” He told you, eyes crinkling faintly. “And I know I’m quite a handful, so I do hope I’m also your too much.” He’d add playfully, making you smile. “Seems like we’re each others ‘too much’ then.” You mused lightly.

(Last quote is from/based on Heartbreak High)

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hallo!!

may i ask for a little spronkle of fluff? Donna goes out to town to buy fabrics, the neewww (oh, wow!) cleric selling it to her, Reader, has almost the exact same scar on their face (except for it not being unnaturally deformed, -- reader got it from like, an encounter with a rabid animal, or something),

Donna gets curious and asks about it, leading to a casual conversation, which led to Donna wanting to come back and chat with the new hire, seeing as how, unbeknownst to Reader (because, obviously, Donna wears the veil, Reader wouldnt know she had the same mutation) they had something in common, their scarring

Make it so that Reader (very slowly) catches on ?? And they develop feelings overtime ?? But, doesnt know if 'big-lady-Donna' feels the same way, so they just.. shaddap? (i had to use that 'big-lady' reference, or it wouldve haunted me, forgive, forget)

Reader asks to see Donnas face (although, very nervously, because of, yknow, Angie staring down Readers soul, aswell as Donnas rank/title), Donna complies, although hesitantly, and Reader is just so entranced by how similar the size/placement/colour of their scarring is, that theyre just so hyped, and cant help to call Donna beautiful, to call her newly-revealed, singular eye 'enchanting' and whatnot (make Reader a nervous sap, i beg and i plead, i need this prompt to rot my teeth),

Donna gets fed up from how clueless Reader is to how much Donna appreciates them -- leading to, very reluctant, and/or peeved (take that as you will, im unsure how to topic Donnas nerves, tremors, mood-swings and whatnot) confession, coming from Donnas side. (Meaning: Donna confesses first, very awkwardly, and shyly, and Reader obviously accepts, because, .. They're girlfriends, your honor!)

Angie, meanwhile, is hurling in the background because of how cheesy, and forced, Donnas confession was, (although, secretely, Angie is over the moon that her Donsie made a new (girl)friend). Maybe add a little bit of like, restless, over-thinking rambling in Italian to that mix. (Ex: Donna just going over about how cool it is that they have matching scars, maybe Reader could come over to her estate and see her portrait without it. *Mumble mumble, something nervy in italian*, do you wanna come over? Do you wanna see my workshop? Do you wanna see my dolls? I can have one resemble you. Do you sew? We can make dolls -- *Mumble, trips over words, Italian*)

Make it from Donnas prospective, Please and thanks!!

No smut, just wholesome wholesomeness, and ofcourse, happy, diabetes-inducing ending, where Reader does agree to come and hang out with her -- make them Girlfriends with your writers-magic from that point on, because i have no idea what else to add to explain how overtime THEY FALL INLOVESIES!!! (AGHH! SUCH ROMANCE! THEYRE SO INLOVE!!!)

No mention of G!P or just, like, any arousal in general (since ive seen it mentioned on other posts, by other people, when asked for no smut, i just wanted to clarify)

hope i explained this okay?? Sometimes im pretty vague/too specific while typing and add too many '()'s and '/'s (overthinking autism brain -- HEY! LOOK! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!)

wish ya the best of luck, aswell as the best of day, may Angie bite your fingers (not really.. aha.. joking! Or am i?), Ciao, Blusy!

Yesss!!! Wow, it was a curious request! Thank you!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :))))

Two broken faces

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings:¡ fluff, Donna being Donna, Donna's POV

Word count: 9,376

Summary: She's so simliar, but so different...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))

I thought I had everything I needed.

I had my dolls, my books, the peace that solitude offers a woman like me… Always afraid of people, always hiding, I found in my isolated world a peaceful place to live, for all eternity.

I didn't ask for this, I never asked the Black Gods to have mercy on my soul, I didn't ask Mother Miranda to adopt me, I never asked anyone for that second chance, I just wanted to die.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if my family hadn't been noble, if my ancestors hadn't been part of the founding of this village. Maybe I would have had the chance to live in a different way or maybe my wish to disappear would have simply been fulfilled.

Donna Beneviento, a young woman who stopped fighting. Yes, surely they would put something similar on my grave. I would have become a legend, that woman who lost everything, who was cursed with an illness, who was condemned to watch how little by little, the world around me faded away behind that horrible waterfall.

But… After all, after that mercy that I didn't ask for, the result wasn't very different. To think that I was no longer alone would be to deceive myself. Angie was already speaking before I insisted on giving her life with my new gifts. Angie was me, I was Angie.

Maybe she's still me, even if I don't realize it, maybe I’m not even a Lord, maybe I wasn't even alive anymore. It was hard to know. That position of power that the Gods granted me only served to make my horrible thoughts to take shape, to find in cruelty a way to relieve the pain of my soul, the rage I felt at having been unjustly deprived of a normal life.

Josef was the first, but not the last.

What was the fault of the man who took care of me after the death of my family? None. Why did I do it? Because I could.

I try to look in the mirror and not see that reflection, the reflection of my horrible appearance, of that punishment for the sins I didn’t commit, but I only see a monster, a monster on the outside, a monster on the inside.

Surely that was what Miranda expected of me: another terrifying being to keep the flock under control. I cannot deny that she succeeded. I myself became the fear, the terror.

That legend that I thought I would become by ending my life became a dark tale, a nightmare story, the story of the terrible doll maker, Donna Beneviento.

I could not say when she stopped mattering to me, I cannot even say that one day she stopped. Loneliness was my fear, until it became my refuge. You did not love me before, when I was just a girl with a scar, now that I am a monster your punishment would be to fear me.

None of that matters, not even my brothers, nor this cursed village. I only care about Angie, my dolls, those that do not judge, that do not laugh at me, that do not fear me, that do not feel anything. The flesh deceives, lies, harms, porcelain does not. Porcelain is malleable, it looks the way I want, it is beautiful, soft and does not hate me.

I wish I could have been a doll, I wish I could free myself from the hatred that was inside me…

“Grigio,” I said in a whisper, while I was devoting my soul to making my dolls, to creating those emotionless beings that I envied.

Angie nodded, walking around the work table, looking for the fabric I asked for.

“Grey again, Donna?” the doll asked, in a mocking tone. I nodded without looking at her, finishing correcting the imperfections of that new companion.

“What's your problem with grey?” I asked, cleaning the smooth porcelain, with my gaze fixed on it, trying not to let Angie distract me, as she usually did.

“It's boring,” the doll said, handing me a too small piece of fabric, making me frown.

“It's not enough, I need much more,” I said focused, shaking my head. The doll shrugged, walking over to her new friend.

“There is no more grey fabric,” Angie mocked, hands on her hips.

I sighed, snapping out of my concentration, searching through the drawers. I would never trust Angie, I would never trust myself.

“There isn’t?” I asked confused, searching the workshop for the desired fabric. The doll growled angrily at my distrust, crossing her arms.

“I already told you, silly Donna,” she mocked, getting down from the table. I sighed, rubbing my eye. I had been in the workshop for hours, I couldn’t say how many.

“Angie…” I sighed tiredly, shaking my head and finally abandoning my dolls, walking through the dark basement hallway, through that comforting darkness. “I'm not in the mood for your nonsense.”

“Are you ever in the mood?” the puppet asked, with a mocking tone.

I didn't answer. I simply walked towards the phone, looking in a address book for the number of the village merchant, the Duke.

“Oh, oh, oh, ask the fat guy if he has yellow wool balls,” Angie said, tugging at my dress.

 I looked at her, unable to help but smile. Who it was didn't matter, my position as a Lord didn't matter, I was sure that, without Angie, I would have given up a long time ago.

“What do you want yellow wool balls for?” I asked amused, picking up the phone and dialing the number slowly, indicating to Angie that she should let herself be picked up. I still needed her to speak for me.

“I don't know, they're funny,” she commented, taking the phone while I lovingly put her old clothes on. “Hello, hello? Fatty?”

Nothing, no one seemed to answer.

“He doesn't pick up,” Angie whispered so I frowned, snatching the phone from her and checking she was telling the truth.

“Maybe he's not in the village,” I sighed, hanging up and shaking my head. “How convenient, I need that damn fabric.”

“He might be in his warehouse,” Angie commented, going back down to the floor. “Although I doubt he will fit through the door,” she mocked amused, making me smile again.

“What do we do now?” I asked, looking at the crumbling ceiling.

“Why don't we go to the village?” Angie suggested. “We can look for the Duke there.”

“No,” I said dryly, hardening my expression.

“Silly Donna... I want my wool balls!” the doll protested, in a childish way, irritating me again. “Let's go to the village, to the village!”

“Madonna… I said no, Angie,” I snorted, in a brusque tone.

No, I didn't want to go to the village, I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to see fear in people's eyes, I didn't want to see it again.

“Silly, you stupid pasta thing,” the doll hissed. “Stupid Donna��

“Are you done yet?” I asked with irony, with a dangerous look. As expected, the doll shook her head.

“Donna, you coward, I want my wool balls!” she shrieked irritatingly again, making me lose my patience.

“Chuidi quella cazzo di bocca!” I shouted furiously, completely out of my mind, causing the puppet to flee in terror, hiding behind a table.

Once again, I had lost control for no reason. I would never be able to escape my sentence.

I tried to relax, to make the trembling in my body disappear. I breathed deeply, lowering my head.

“Perdonami, Angie…” I sighed in a calmer tone, walking slowly to the doll's hiding place. She, timidly, peeked out. “I shouldn't have yelled at you.”

“You're very tense,” the doll whispered. “You have to relax...”

“I know, forgive me, please,” I said with my voice broken by the rage of my behavior, extending my arms towards her, who timidly approached, letting me pick her up from the floor.

 “Of course I forgive you, silly,” the doll said, hugging me in a childish way, bringing the smile back to my face.

“Fine… W-we'll go to the village to get the fabrics, what do you think?” I finally said, trying to compensate my only friend for having to put up with me day after day, for having to live… With a monster.

“Yay!” the puppet celebrated as I carried her in my arms, leaving the comfort of that dark basement.

I never liked going out, feeling the cold on my body, feeling insecure, outside the safety of the cracked walls. Maybe no one had the misfortune of seeing my face, but my mere presence was already uncomfortable enough for anyone.

Just think about it, a woman in black clothes, with her face hidden by a black veil, a lifeless figure which comes walking slowly towards you. It was terrifying.

Luckily, there didn't seem to be many people in the village, it was a cold morning. I also didn't want to notice if there were eyes watching me, if there was a child trembling in its mother's arms when it saw me walking.

The Duke's warehouse wasn't far away, and I headed there as quickly as possible. My breathing was uncontrolled, my anxieties were already starting to make me too nervous. I wanted to go home.

“Duuuuke!” Angie called when we entered the cabin. “Duuuuke! Where are you?”

There didn't seem to be anyone there and we both looked at each other, shrugging our shoulders. Not wanting to wait for that vermin to appear, I approached the place where he kept the fabrics, looking for that desired grey tone my doll needed.

“What do you think, Angie?” I asked the puppet, who was curiously rummaging through the merchant's things, nodding disinterestedly. “Where are the grey ones...?”

“Hello,” an unknown voice startled me, a female voice that was not familiar to me.

From among the boxes, a girl appeared, a young girl with a splendid smile. I didn’t recognize her, I would remember that face. Near her left eye there was a horrible scar. I couldn’t help but bring my hand to my face when I found a similarity between that deformity and mine.

The girl shook her hands, with an elegant gesture, without that smile disappearing.

“Lady Beneviento,” she said softly, lowering her head. “Surely the Duke would spend the whole morning flattering your presence but I believe in naturalness, do you need something?”

“Where is the fatty? Who are you?” Angie asked, letting me pick her up again while pointing at that unknown girl.

“Oh, the Duke is on a business trip, or so he told me,” she said, amused, shaking her head. “But I'm sure I can help you, or try, at least.”

I looked at her curiously, unable to take my eyes off her scar, one that didn’t hide her beauty at all. I couldn't say why, but my cheeks began to blush.

I didn't say anything. I just looked at her confused, just like the doll did with me, waiting for me to react.

“Oh, sorry, I haven't introduced myself,” the girl said with an apologetic look, extending her hand towards me, a hand that seemed very soft… “I'm (Y/N), the Duke hired me to be his assistant when he wasn't around. I manage the warehouse too.”

I hesitated for a moment. My instincts pushed me to reject that greeting, to ignore that smiling young woman, but, for some reason, I didn't. I slowly extended my hand towards hers, shaking it briefly, feeling for myself that I wasn't wrong, her skin was very soft, warm.

“It’s, it's a pleasure to meet you too,” she joked, confused by my shy greeting, with a natural, beautiful smile... “I never thought I'd have the honor of having one of you here.”

“Shut up, you stupid village girl! We've come for...” Angie said, interrupted by a sudden movement of my arms, letting her fall to the floor. “Hey!”

“I ne-ne-need fabrics,” I whispered with a hoarse, timid, barely audible voice. The girl frowned, coming a little closer to me.

“Excuse me, but I didn't hear you,” she said amused but with a kind look.

“Fabrics, stupid! Fabrics!” Angie shrieked, startling the young woman, who, surprisingly, kept her composure masterfully.

“Oh, fabrics, of course,” (Y/N) said, nodding and passing by me, letting me get a closer look at that scar so similar to mine, one that had me quite interested. “If you would be so kind as to come with me…”

I nodded slowly, following the young assistant through the warehouse.

“Are you looking for something in particular?” she asked naturally, rummaging through a pile of fabrics.

“G-Grey fabric…” I murmured, clearing my throat, with Angie looking at me strangely. I couldn't blame her for it, I was very nervous.

“Grey…” (Y/N) commented, searching with her eyes. “Oh, yes, here,” she said amused, pointing at several fabrics of that same color.

“Wool balls, we want wool balls,” Angie said with a haughty tone while I touched those fabrics with curiosity, unable to avoid looking at that girl out of the corner of my eye.

“Wool balls?” she asked confused, scratching her head. “Mm, yes, this way,” she said, gesturing for the puppet to follow her.

I paused for a moment to look at her again, my heart beating fast and my eye unable to stop studying each of her movements. She was a really beautiful young woman, who surely hid some terrible story, maybe one as horrible as mine, maybe… Oh, I didn’t know why I was thinking about it.

“Do you see anything you like?” she asked me when finished attending to Angie, getting closer to me, maybe too close, allowing me to look at her more closely again.

“Um, yes… I…” I stammered nervously, clearing my throat again and pointing at a random roll of fabric. Luckily, it was a grey one.

“This one? Good…” the young woman commented, taking the roll and heading to a small counter. “How much do you want?”

“No, I… I’ll take the entire roll,” I said, nodding, putting my hands together in front of my body, playing with them discreetly to try to stop shaking.

“The entire roll?” (Y/N) asked, frowning. The Duke never questioned me, why did she?

“Is there a problem, silly?” Angie asked mockingly, comically wrapped in a wool ball.

“No, there’s no problem but… I don’t know if you can handle it, it’s quite heavy,” the girl said amused, leaning on the counter and looking at that large roll of fabric. “I mean, I’m not saying you can’t… I mean, I…”

I laughed at that shy side, that nervous side my presence provoked in her. Normally I would have groaned or sighed at the sight of her body trembling, but on that occasion, I didn't. Even when she was nervous, she couldn't lose that bright smile.

“Calm down, I know what you mean,” I said in a different tone, louder and noticeable, as if my own voice was eager to talk to her.

“Uff, okay...” she sighed, running a hand over her forehead in a playful way. “Sorry, my lady, I'm not used to dealing with... Lords, you know.”

I laughed again, shaking my head. I could feel Angie's eyes looking at me inquisitively, but I didn't pay attention to them. Not wanting to look stupid, I took out a bag of coins, leaving them on the counter. (Y/N) picked them up, writing something down in a notebook.

“Fine...” the girl murmured, leaving the pen on top of the notebook. “Do you need anything else, my lady?” she asked kindly.

I shook my head, turning to leave, picking up my doll again, who was still staring at me.

“No, thank you,” I muttered before walking out the door. Something, something made me stop and turn around. “Uh, actually, I do.”

“Mm?” (Y/N) hummed, with that same kind smile, following me with her gaze as I approached the counter again.

“I don't remember seeing you before,” I said with a dry voice, with an indifferent tone. I didn't want to show her how nervous I was, besides, I didn't even know why I was that nervous.

“I'm elusive,” she answered amused, leaning on the counter in a casual manner. “But the truth is that I've been here all my life.”

“Working for the fat guy?” Angie asked, with a curious tone, shifting in my arms.

“No, no,” (Y/N) said, shaking her head, laughing amused. “I mean, I've been in the village all my life.”

“Really? It's funny, you don't sound familiar to me,” I commented, with a slightly dark tone, analyzing her expressions. The girl shrugged, as if it wasn't the most comfortable question for her.

“Well... I'm not very fond of masses...” she murmured in a cautious tone. “Don't get me wrong, I adore Mother Miranda, and you, and of course I pray to the Black Gods every day and...”

“Mmm…” Angie got out of my arms, walking along the counter until she was very close to her. “She's lying.”

“What? Oh, no, no, I’m not,” the assistant said, now a little more scared. “No, my lady, no, I'm not lying.”

“I don't care if you are, (Y/N),” I commented, moving the doll away from her, laughing shyly again. “I'm not judging you.”

“Oh, okay…” the girl sighed, with an exaggerated gesture of relief. “Well, to be honest, I've never had a particular interest in… All that stuff about the Gods.”

I nodded nervously, wanting to ask a thousand questions, without knowing why, without knowing what exactly was keeping me in that warehouse.

“But, but I go to masses,” she said with a more relaxed tone, pretending sincerity. “Um… Um…Do you want… Do you want something else?”

“No,” I answered abruptly, turning around again and walking towards the door.

When I arrived, I realized that my legs weren't moving, that my head wanted to turn towards that girl again. My behavior was strange, but I couldn't help it.

“Yes,” I said, entering again, causing her to laugh amusedly and look at me in amazement, probably because of my pathetic attitude. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Lycans,” she answered, relaxing her expression. I frowned and shook my head, confused.

“Cosa?”

“My scar, I know you were going to ask me about it,” she said with a relaxed tone, pretending to read the notes in that account book.

“No, I…” I stammered, embarrassed to know that it was really what I wanted to know, what had caught my attention.

“Don’t worry, my lady, nothing is wrong. I’m not ashamed of it,” she said with a sincere look, one that made me see that her left eye had a slightly whiter tone, as if it had no life.

That was how I was like when I was a child, when everyone laughed at me.

“What…? What happened to you?” I asked in a cautious, strangely curious tone.

“When I was 10 I made the stupid mistake of going into the forest at dusk, you know, I wanted to be the bravest girl and blah blah blah…” (Y/N) commented casually, gesturing with her hands. I nodded for her to continue. “How was I supposed to know that there were lycans in the woods? It seems unlikely in a place like this, right? Um, sorry, it was, it was a joke.”

“Uh-huh,” I whispered, frowning. “A joke?”

“Yeah, well… I've learned that, in order to be happy, you must learn to laugh at yourself,” (Y/N) explained, with a smile adorning her beauty again.

“Do you find that some lycans hurt you funny? You could have died,” I said annoyed by that attitude. No, that wasn't funny, it couldn't be.

“I know, but… Here I’m,” she said sighing, spreading her arms in a playful way. “I lost the vision of my left eye, but… I'm still alive, and that's the important thing.”

“You seem like a very optimistic girl,” I commented, with an amused laugh, inadvertently getting a little closer to her.

“Mm, well, it can't be any other way,” the girl said in a relaxed tone, tilting her head.

“It must have… It must have been… difficult for you, you know…” I said stuttering, raising my hand to discreetly point out the deformity of her face. “Children can be very cruel.”

“Oh, not at all,” she said with a wider smile, shaking her head. “There hasn't been anyone brave enough to mess with me.”

I laughed again, incredulous at that attitude, one so different from mine. So similar and so different at the same time… Like the two sides of the same coin.

“Why you say so?” I asked curiously, with Angie starting to get impatient, tugging at my dress probably wanting to go back home.

“Because if they did… Well, they were very likely to go home with a black eye,” she whispered in a lower voice, as if she wanted to tell me a secret. “You know what they say: an eye for an eye, right?”

She was a mysterious girl, one who, with every thing she said, brought a soft laugh to my lips. It had been a long time since I laughed so many times, that the smile refused to leave my face.

“Um, I…” I murmured after a moment of awkward silence, holding Angie's hands, which pulled at my dress harder and harder. “I'll leave you alone, I've already stolen too much of your time.”

“You can steal all the time you want, my lady, as you see, there's no one around here,” the merchant said amused, looking around.

“Um, yes, well, I… I'm, I'm leaving, th-thanks,” I stammered, closing my eye because of my pathetic stammering, ready this time to really leave, to control my desire to stay and chat with that girl.

“Wait,” she said, leaving me pinned to the ground, walking out the counter. “Wait, I…”

“Mm?”

“Um, hey, you're not as scary as they say,” (Y/N) said nervously, biting her lip to contain her words, words that, apparently, came out of her mouth on their own. “I mean, I, I liked meeting you, Lady Beneviento.”

“Oh, I…” I stammered, struggling between joy and anger. I couldn't blame her for fearing me, everyone did and everyone would, forever. “Me… Me too, (Y/N)…”

It could have been just another day, but it wasn't. Meeting (Y/N) made me start to smile. It didn't matter what I was doing: cooking, reading, working with my dolls... The beauty of her face was always present in my thoughts.

Chance is a capricious God, one that made me suddenly find myself with my distorted reflection. Yes, a scar identical to the one I had as a child, a face deformed by misfortune, just like me.

But, even though we had that in common, we were very different. (Y/N) was cheerful, outgoing and didn't let anyone make fun of her. I was the opposite, like an evil double, like the negative of a photograph. It might seem silly, but, as the days went by, that urge to want to go back to the warehouse became more and more intense.

Sewing in my workshop, as always, I searched in my head for a logical explanation for my sudden interest in that young woman, like every time I did, without finding an answer.

“Angie,” I said, frowning, looking at the old sewing machine. The doll, having fun with her new wool balls, walked towards me comically getting tangled in the yellow thread.

“I hope it's not something to do with the girl from the warehouse,” the puppet hissed. Poor thing, she was sick of hearing me talk about her.

“No, no,” I said with a look that gave away my lie. “Look,” I helped the doll to get on my lap while pointing at the old machine.

“What's wrong?” she asked, looking at the machine and then at me, confused.

“Don't you see it?” I asked with a frown, picking up a piece of freshly sewn fabric. “Look at these seams, they're not right.”

“They’re just like always,” the doll commented, playing with the piece of fabric in her hands.

“No, no, not at all,” I said, shaking my head again, blinking, giving away my lie. “There's something wrong with the machine.”

“Do you know what's wrong? Your brain,” the doll mocked, causing me to grunt. “There's nothing wrong with the machine, Donna.”

“I'm telling you, it's broken,” I insisted, pretending to look for the fault that old machine didn't have. “I think there's something stuck… I should take it to (Y/N). Maybe she can take a look at it.”

“Oh, of course, of course…” the doll sighed, moving her arms in an exaggerated way. “You just want to see her again.”

“No, I… Non è vero…” I muttered, stumbling over my words. “It's, it's the machine…”

“There's nothing wrong with the machine, silly Donna, stop making stupid excuses. If you want to see (Y/N), why don't you just go?” Angie said, putting a wooden finger on my nose, which I wrinkled in displeasure, determined to deny the evidence.

“It’s not about that, Angie,” I protested, pounding my fists on the table but relaxing instantly. “I want her to take a look at it.”

“A look?” the doll scolded me. “Oh, yes, what a great idea… What are you going to tell her when she realizes that the machine is perfectly fine?”

I tried to fight back, but I couldn’t. I huffed angrily, gritting my teeth. Angie was right. My legs trembled nervously as my gaze wandered to the old machine. I didn’t even think about it.

With a quick gesture, I pushed the sewing machine to the floor, crashing against it with a dull sound, indicating that something had broken. It was a pathetic, almost desperate plan. I still didn’t know what I was doing, why I was doing it, or rather, I didn’t want to know.

“Silly Donna! Nonna’s machine!” Angie shrieked, getting down to the floor to check the condition of the machine. I remained serious, but I adopted a haughty pose.

“What do you say now? Diamo un’occhiata?” I asked mockingly, bending down to pick up the broken machine from the floor, ignoring the insults and protests of the doll.

It was too easy for me to put the veil back on and leave my house. I had a fixed destination. I had her beauty waiting for me. I think I was starting to get too nervous. Breaking my grandmother’s machine so I could see that girl… It sounded crazy, but I didn’t want to think about it.

“Oh, my lady, what a surprise,” (Y/N) said, coming down a ladder, with a, as always, beautiful smile. “The Duke has already returned from his trip, he should have brought you the fabrics.”

“Yes, I…” I murmured nervously, holding the box under Angie’s fierce gaze. “I wanted, I wanted to see you.”

“Me?” the girl asked, approaching curiously, brushing the dust off her dress.

I could only nod, leaving the box on the counter.

“I thought you could help me with this,” I muttered, with a broken voice, much more nervous than in our first meeting.

“Wow…” the young woman commented, taking the broken machine out of the box, observing every detail. “A Singer 66k, from 1917… What happened to it? It's in pieces…”

“Angie threw it,” I lied cowardly, earning a furious gasp from the doll.

“What are you talking about?!” the doll shrieked unpleasantly. “Liar, Donna liar, Donna…!”

I silenced the puppet with a subtle movement of my hands, making it stop screaming and move away, unable to stop it from glaring at me as it did so.

“Oh, that was a nasty fall…” (Y/N) joked, studying the machine. “It's a shame, it's a beauty.”

“C-Can you fix it?” I asked timidly, starting to regret what I had done. Her smile showed me that I shouldn't do it.

“Mm, I think so,” she said nodding, moving the machine to a small table with tools. I followed closely, watching her curiously. “Let's see…”

“I can, I can leave you alone if you are more comfortable,” I murmured when she started working, checking the pieces with a frown. She stopped and looked at me, shaking her head, with that wonderful smile…

“Oh, no, well… It's good to have some company, besides, that way I can prove that I'm not scamming you,” the assistant said amused, carefully unscrewing the machine.

“I trust you,” I said without thinking, playing with my hands again, trying not to look at her face, not to notice that scar that told me we had something in common, even if she couldn't know it.

“You must be the only one,” she commented sighing, searching for something in a box of spare parts. I tilted my head curiously. “Normally the people of this village are quite distrustful… I can't blame them, my boss is not exactly a… reliable man…” she said smiling, making the gesture of quotation marks with her fingers.

“You are not like him,” I said, stating a truth of which I was completely sure.

“Mm no, I hope so,” the girl joked amused, struggling with the machine. “Okay…”

Silence reigned again in the warehouse. She worked on the machine with surprising skill while I watched her, memorizing each of her movements. If she had noticed how I looked at her… Well, she would surely be terribly uncomfortable.

“So… Do you use this machine to you make clothes for your dolls?” (Y/N) asked, taking me out of my thoughts. “Y-you made dolls, right?”

“Cosa?” I said distractedly, thinking about her past, about how she had to live through that attack, about her courage when facing mockery and offensive comments, how did she do it? “Oh, I… Yes, yes of course…”

She smiled, nodding, without stopping working.

“You know? You can tell the quality of a handmade product…” she commented distractedly. “I mean, there are modern machines now but… If you ask me, I prefer the old ones, like this beauty”

“Y-Yes, I… I think the same,” I said with a smile that she couldn't see, luckily.

“I think… I think it's done,” she said, moving the crank to check that it worked correctly. “Just like new.”

I didn't expect it to end so quickly. I got nervous, like every time something didn't turn out the way I had thought.

“You are… You are skilled,” I flattered her, taking the machine and checking that, indeed, it was already fixed.

She shrugged, with an amused smile.

“There had to be something good about me, right?” she joked, getting up from the table and passing by me, allowing me to look even more at her beauty.

“Uh… Tell me how much I owe you,” I said, putting the machine back in the box, searching in my head for an absurd excuse to stay a little longer, just a little longer…

“Oh, nothing,” she said, looking at me amused, shaking her head. “It’s not necessary.”

“W-Wait, I have, I have to pay you,” I said, with my hands starting to sweat again. You relaxed your expression, sighing and shaking your head again.

“No, that it’s not necessary,” the girl said with a confused smile, surely due to the trembling of my body. “I’m happy to help you, my lady.”

“No, don't be condescending to me for who I am, I beg you to let me pay you,” I insisted with a darker, almost angry voice. Her smile was worth more than all the gold in the world...

“I'm not condescending, I'm just doing you a favor, I like you,” she murmured, frowning, as if she was trying to meet my gaze.

I pointed at myself in surprise. The words refused to come out of my mouth.

“Do you... do you like me?” I asked stammering, puzzled by that phrase, one that couldn't be true.

“Yes, you're kind,” she said, looking away. “It's not something that's especially common in this place.”

“Oh, well, I... I...” I said nervously, having the imperative need to run out of there to hide my embarrassment, the invisible blush on my cheeks. “Grazie, (Y/N)…”

“Prego,” (Y/N) said, with a wider smile, as if she knew the reaction that hearing her speak that way would provoke in my body, paralyzing it completely.

“D-Do you know Italian?” I asked curiously, with my voice shaking at the same time as my body. She laughed amused, with a clueless expression.

“Nope,” she whispered in an ironic tone. “I know the basics.”

“Oh, of course…” I said, even more nervous, looking for Angie with my gaze. “I… I'm, I'm leaving now and… Well, we'll see each other, and…”

“Whenever you want,” (Y/N) said, sitting on the counter casually, swinging her legs and picking up what looked like a cup of coffee. “Um, my lady,” she said suddenly, when I had already turned around. My blood froze again. “I hope your doll doesn't break any more things.”

“Hey!” Angie protested, rummaging through the counter. “Shut up, you idiot!”

“Angie…” I sighed, gesturing with my head so the puppet would stop stirring everything up.

“She seems to be funny,” (Y/N) commented, looking curiously at Angie.

“Yes… W-Well… She's… I don't know how to describe her…” I said, more and more nervous. “I guess she's one of a kind.”

“I see, she's like you then,” the girl said in a low tone, one that betrayed nervousness. The doll was making her nervous.

“Angie, basta,” I growled at the puppet, who was staring indiscreetly at the cup of coffee.

“Do you like coffee?” the saleswoman asked in a kind tone, looking at Angie, letting me see her beautiful, damaged face. It was so similar to mine…

“I don't know,” Angie said, in a petulant tone. “What I know is that calling this thing coffee is blasphemy, how disgusting.”

“Angie…” I protested, losing my nerves, kicking the floor pathetically.

“Hey, it's not that bad, is it?” (Y/N) asked, bringing the cup to her lips and making a face of disgust. “Well, maybe it is.”

“Don't mind her, (Y/N)…” I sighed, noticing how the sweat ran down my forehead, how my nerves kept increasing. “Angie, dai!”

“Don't be mad at her, my lady, she's right,” (Y/N) said, pouring another coffee into a different cup. “Maybe you can give me your opinion… You, you Italians are good with coffee, aren't you?”

“Me?” I asked, leaving the box on the counter, timidly reaching out my hand for the cup she offered me. “W-Well, I wouldn't know how to answer that… Actually my, my family was Italian, I… I was born here.”

“Well, but I'm sure you have better taste than me,” the girl commented, leaning on the table, frowning suddenly. “Oh, it's not mandatory, I'm sure you have a lot of things to do instead of wasting time with me.”

“Not really,” I whispered, breathing heavily at her apparent nervousness. Not wanting to think, not wanting to feel the things I felt when looking at her, I brought that steaming coffee to my lips, moving my veil aside.

(Y/N) looked away, not wanting to be indiscreet, respecting my decision, but fighting with herself to do so. I could see her confused face, her desire to look at me.

The bitter taste filled my throat. It was really horrible, I hate having to agree with Angie.

“How is it?” the young woman asked, with a fearful look. I shook my head, pushing the disgusting coffee away from my sight and smell.

“È orribile…” I murmured, trying to sound amused. I never knew how to do it.

“I thought so…” the girl sighed, making a face of disgust at that cup. “No matter how hard I try, I can't handle that thing,” she said amused, pointing to an old coffee maker.

“Do you want me to show you how to do it?” I asked without thinking, I asked without wanting to, without being able to help it. She looked at me curiously, then at the coffee maker, and finally at me again, nodding with a shy smile.

“Well, it's not necessary,” she murmured, scratching the back of her neck, downplaying it.

“Please, consider it… A favor,” I said, mysteriously sure of myself. “Because, because of the machine.”

“Mm, well, okay,” she said quickly, gesturing for me to follow her.

As calmly as I could, I taught the young woman how to make a real coffee and how to handle that coffee maker properly. She listened to me attentively, looking at me from time to time and writing down my advice in a notebook.

She was so close to me, her bright eyes were so close to mine… I don't know at what moment I was stuck in her gaze, in her almost perfect face, no, no, in her perfect face.

“It smells so good…” she commented, inhaling the intense aroma of coffee, closing her eyes, granting me the blessing of contemplating her relaxed face, her tender gaze. “I was definitely doing everything wrong.”

I laughed shyly, pouring some coffee into a cup, offering it to her kindly, praying that she wouldn't notice my shaking hands.

“Try not to fill it with too much water,” I said with a serious tone, pretending disinterest while she tasted my creation, with a look of satisfaction. “Always pay attention to the valve.”

“Yes, this is wonderful…” (Y/N) sighed. “Oh, sure, um… Let me pour you one cup.”

“I… Okay…” I stammered, accepting the offer to sit next to her in a couple of chairs.

Without having thought about it, we were together, enjoying a quiet coffee.

I couldn't remember when I felt so calm, so relaxed and at the same time, so nervous, with my heart beating too fast. I guess it was the coffee…

“And then I told him: I don't need to see with both eyes to notice that you're a complete idiot,” (Y/N) said, chatting with me in a friendly way, as if she had known me all my life. I wish it were like that.

“Did you tell him that?” I asked amused, unable to stop smiling. She nodded with a serious look.

“He wanted to go on a date with me to give me a chance, can you believe it? A chance, as if I couldn't choose...” she asked ironically, shaking her head.

I didn't answer, I just listened attentively. Her anecdotes were funny, but hearing them through her lips... That was out of this world.

“Bah, I don't need a stupid boy to tell me nice things... I know he would only do it out of pity,” she said with a slightly sadder tone.

“Mm,” I murmured, playing with my hands in my lap.

“Every morning I look at myself in the mirror and think: what would my life be like if I didn't have this thing on my face?” she commented distractedly again, stirring her coffee with her spoon erratically. “I always come to the same conclusion: Here I am, this is me, and if you don't like it, fuck you... Oh, I mean, sorry... Go to hell?”

I laughed again, a bit sadly. I saw so many things about myself in her, things she didn't consider a problem. She was brave, I was a coward.

“I wish I could think the same way,” I murmured with a broken voice, attracting her attention, drawing a confused look towards me.

“Why do you say so?” she asked in a different tone, with a more discreet smile, with the glint of caution in her eyes.

I suppressed a sob. (Y/N)'s attitude was admirable, enviable. I was never able to accept reality, to look at myself in the mirror in the same way. I was a monster, and she wasn't.

“Forget it, it's nonsense,” I sighed, getting up, wanting to go home, wanting to cry for being unable to recognize the meaning of my heartbeat, wanting to scream, to curse the Black Gods for being unfair to me.

“Oh, have I, have I said something wrong, my lady?” (Y/N) asked, suddenly standing up, putting a hand on my wrist, making my whole body shudder.

“No,” I said in a cold tone, moving away from her grip, perhaps too abruptly. “Dai, Angie,” I whispered to my doll, who was playing with the junk in that warehouse.

“W-Wait, I'm, I'm sorry,” the girl said, stopping me from continuing, standing in front of me with a pleading look.

“Why are you sorry?” I asked, with an involuntary resentment in my voice.

“Well, I, I didn't want to offend you… If I’ve said something I shouldn't have… Oh, of course, it's because of the: fuck you… I don't usually swear, really… Not always…” the young woman stammered nervously, with her gaze traveling everywhere, unable to focus on mine.

“You haven't offended me,” I said, trying to sound softer so my demons wouldn't overwhelm me again, not at that moment, not with her. “I have to go.”

“Sure, I…” she stammered, helping me to pick up the box again, with a fake smile. “Um, if you're not mad at me… Maybe you'd like to come tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I asked, surprised by that offer.

“Yes, you know, I, I'd like you to check if I've learned anything about coffee,” she said nervously, with a strange blush on her cheeks.

“Do you want me to come here tomorrow?” I asked again, unable to believe her words.

“Yes, well… Yes, if you want,” she whispered, biting her lip and looking away.

“Mm, maybe I will,” I murmured, smiling, taking advantage of the fact she couldn't see me, my smile was hidden from her, as my monstrous face was.

That was the beginning, just the beginning of my constant visits to that old warehouse.

Funny conversations, exploits and experiences of (Y/N)… Any reason was good to hear her voice, to look at her beauty under the aroma of coffee. I could no longer deny myself my feelings. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, every minute, every second.

“Donna and (Y/N) under a tree …” Angie sang, jumping around while I, like every day, walked towards the village. I growled angrily at the doll, wishing she would shut up.

“Angie, per favore…” I sighed, shaking my head. “Don’t, don't talk that loud…”

“Oh, come on, there's no one here,” the puppet protested. “Besides, you're offended because you would like to be with (Y/N) under a tree.”

“Yes, it's true,” I said with a murmur, taking the doll in my arms so she wouldn't entertain me any longer. “(Y/N) is wonderful, don't you think?”

“(Y/N) is wonderful, beautiful, good, kind, fantastic, the best… Yes, yes, you've been repeating it constantly for weeks,” the doll mocked.

I smiled embarrassed.

“I've never felt this way about anyone,” I sighed, walking slower. “Angie, I'm… I'm in love with (Y/N)…”

“I know!” she complained, crossing her arms. “You're so annoying, Donna…”

“I'm not annoying, I'm talking about my feelings,” I said with a frown. “Hey, do you think, do you think she…?”

“Oh, no, no… Don't try to make me believe that I'm a fortune teller or something, I've already told you that I don't know if she feels the same. I can't read minds,” Angie said, shaking her head.

“But you're always with us,” I said, stopping before crossing the door. “Maybe, maybe you saw something that…”

“Oh, yeah… She doesn't take her eye off you,” the doll mocked with an evil laugh. “You get it? her eye.”

“Cazzo… I'm serious,” I said with a stern tone, starting to breathe hard.

“Me too,” Angie said, defensively.

I sighed, frustrated for not knowing, for not being able to read her thoughts, to decipher her smiles, to know if in any of them, she expressed something else than friendship…

“Oh, but that's not what I'm looking for,” the voice of an unknown woman made me stop in front of the warehouse door. (Y/N) was not alone.

“Who is that witch?” Angie asked, peeking through the door. I covered her mouth, hiding behind a wall.

“Mrs. Gravic…” (Y/N) sighed with a tired voice. “If you would be so kind as to tell me what you are looking for…”

“How rude, girl,” the woman protested, with a tone that made me burn with rage. “I don't know why the Duke hired you…”

“Donna… What do you think?” Angie whispered, rubbing her hands in a playful manner. I nodded, concentrating and gently reaching out my hand towards that unpleasant woman.

“Let's see… What do you say about this?” (Y/N) said, leaving something on the counter, something I couldn't see.

“Mm… Well, it could be that… Oh, Black Gods… Grandpa Igor…” the woman sighed and I smiled in satisfaction.

“Excuse me?” the girl asked, confused.

“Oh, I didn't mean to steal Grandma's jewels, don't chase me, leave me alone… No!” the woman screamed, running out of the warehouse in horror.

I nodded to the doll, high-fiving her. Mission accomplished.

“Hey, Mrs. Gravic?” (Y/N) said, looking at her confused, smiling when she saw me walk through the door. “Oh, Donna.”

“Ciao, (Y/N),” I said with the tone I always used for her, a calm one, increasingly sweeter, increasingly obvious.

“You came early today,” she commented, closing the door, like every time we were together, as if she wanted to save that moment just for the two of us. I shouldn't mistake that kindness, but at the same time, I couldn't help but do so.

“Well…” I said disinterestedly, leaving Angie on the floor, sitting on my usual chair. “I hadn’t anything better to do… I mean… Ugh…”

She laughed amused, shyly looking away, pouring the usual coffee.

It seemed like any other conversation. My words lost their fear. They became bold, even funny. All conversations developed the same way, all except that one.

“Um, forgive me for asking you but…” (Y/N) murmured, with a serious, different tone, with a look far from usual. “You probably think I'm stupid or… Well, that I'm butting in where I shouldn't but… I'm, I'm curious.”

“What are you curious about?” I asked, confused by her different attitude, by the fear I began to see in her hands.

“That,” she said with a sigh pointing at my covered face, one to which I brought my hand, with my breath frozen, lacking air.

 No, not that, my love…

“Um… What?” I asked nervously, diverting the conversation, saying with my gestures that this was the wrong path, that it would only bring her problems.

 “Well, you know, your veil… Why…? Why are you wearing it?” she asked again, her voice increasingly blurred by nervousness.

“Hey! Don't dare to say that to my Donna!” Angie shouted, staring at her, as if she was trying to do me a favor by deciphering her expressions.

“I…” I muttered. My hand was shaking so much that I dropped the coffee cup, breaking it into a thousand pieces on the floor. “Oh, porca miseria!”

“No, it's okay!” she exclaimed, putting her hands in front of her body. “It, it was my fault, I shouldn't have asked that… I, I… I'm, I'm sorry, shit, oh, no, no, I mean, dammit! I'll go to get a broom.”

I stood up, looking at the mess beneath me, nervous, seeking Angie's comfort, one that always brought me back to my senses. I couldn't find her, but I made a decision, the last decision, one last act of stupid bravery.

“Wait,” I said in a whisper, grabbing (Y/N) by the wrist as she swept the floor. “Wait, (Y/N)...”

She looked at me scared, guided by the movement of my hand, which forced her to keep her eyes on mine. Slowly, letting her go, I brought my hand to the black fabric, removing it from my face, revealing my deformed face to her.

Neither of us said anything. (Y/N) blinked in confusion, staring at me, getting a little closer, squinting, mouth agape. I looked away, suppressing my desire to put the veil back on, to run away and never come back.

“Wow...” she sighed, reaching out her hand to my face. I breathed nervously, holding her wrist tightly so it wouldn't reach its destination. I was about to lose my mind, in front of the love of my life… “Donna, wait, let me do it, please.”

I closed my already wet eye, holding back my tears, letting the softness of her hand caress my horrible scar, touch my hair with a rapt look.

“It's, it's incredible...” she murmured again, without stopping caressing me while I, nervous, unable to move, let that tear run down my cheek.

(Y/N) took her hand away, bringing it to her own scar, shaking her head. I couldn't speak, I couldn't even move.

“Donna, you are, you are... You are such a beautiful woman...” she said, smiling in a nervous but sincere way, illuminating me with the light of her beauty, returning her hand to my deformity, as if she herself were as nervous as I was.

“What are you talking about?” I said with great effort, almost furious, clenching my teeth. “N-N-non mi mentire…”

“I'm not lying…” she sighed, touching her own scar again, with a look of astonishment. “Wow, it's… Incredible… We have almost the same scar… Wow… Forgive me, it's just… What a coincidence, isn't it?”

“No, you're beautiful and I'm horrible,” I said sobbing, not believing her words, not even for a second.

“Oh, you must be joking,” (Y/N) said in a calmer tone, almost amused. “You have… You have a beautiful face… And well, what about that eye? It's, it's the most beautiful eye I've ever seen in my entire life.”

“What? Have you gone crazy?” I asked nervously, letting the veil fall to the floor. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Do you really think I'm laughing at you? Really?” she joked, pointing out her defect with a smug pose. I shook my head, trying to control my thoughts. “No, Donna, I'm telling you, I'm telling you the truth… Wait, what did you say?”

“Mm?” I muttered confused, running my hand through my hair, feeling unable to handle the situation any longer.

“That, that thing you said before…” she said, gesturing with her hand, accidentally stepping on the remains of that cup. “You know, that I'm…”

“You're beautiful,” I said with my head down, clenching my fists tightly.

“Mm, and how do I know you're not lying to me? You're my friend, there's no need to be accommodating,” she joked with an amused face, completely ignoring my subtle statement.

“Friend? Are you stupid?” Angie asked. “Donna, please… Tell her now.”

“Tell me what?” (Y/N) asked, curious. I cursed my doll. I was becoming more and more nervous.

“I don't know what she's talking about,” I stammered, having to stop my legs from running away right then and there.

“Hey, you can tell me anything, Donna…” the girl said, whispering in a tender voice, lowering her hands to mine, caressing them in a way that I thought was friendly, that I didn't think was romantic. “Really…”

“No, I…” I said, blinking nervously.

“Is there something worrying you?” she asked again, getting closer to me. “Come on, you can trust me.”

“(Y/N), I…” I stammered again, becoming almost hysterical as I looked at her peaceful gaze.

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it was so difficult for her to understand my feelings. I had taken a definitive step, I couldn't go back. I couldn't turn back now that I had come that far.

“Cazzo! I, I like you, (Y/N)!” I squealed disproportionately, making her widen her eyes and frown.

“Oh, is that it?” she said, still smiling, not getting the not-so-indirect hint. “Oh, Donna, I like you too.”

“Angie’s right,” I hissed angrily, shaking my head. “Are you stupid? I’m telling that I like you, damn it!”

Her face immediately changed to a confused look. I growled again, kicking the chair roughly.

“What do you mean?” she asked again. I froze, turning to her slowly and dangerously. A thunderous laugh filled the warehouse. Angie seemed to be enjoying that.

“Porca puttana!” I squealed again, kicking the floor in rage. “I love you, (Y/N)! I’m fucking in love with you! I can't stop thinking about you day and night, counting the hours until I can see you again! I love you, ti amo! You're the woman of my life!” I squealed abruptly, making her blink comically.

“Oh…” she sighed, with an amused look.

“Is it clear now? Or do you need me to write it down for you?” I said, losing control of my emotions.

(Y/N) shook her head, but didn't say anything, so I growled furiously again, grabbing the notebook from the counter.

“I…Love…You. That's it, you still don't understand?” I said furiously, tearing off the paper and angrily putting it on her chest. “Taci, Angie or I'll deactivate you!”

“Hey… Come on… calm down…”(Y/N) said, putting a hand on my trembling shoulder, turning me around slowly. “Calm down…”

Her soft voice relaxed me, but the tears were already traveling freely down my horrible face.

“Shh…” you whispered in a tender voice, taking my hands again while I, desperate, shook my head.

“I-I'm in love with you, (Y/N)… Ti amo…” I whispered more timidly, coming back to my senses little by little, dying of embarrassment for my nervous outburst.

“Yes, I've already realized,” she said amused, bringing one of her hands to my intact cheek, wiping away one of my tears. “Donna… Listen to me… I… I feel the same way about you…”

“What?” I asked nervously, startling myself.

“The truth is that I didn't expect to fall in love with a Lord but… Well, I guess life has brought us together for a reason, don't you think? And I'm not just saying that just because... Well, you know," she said in a pleasant voice, pointing at her scar.

“You... You have feelings for me...” I said, not knowing if it was a question or a statement.

(Y/N), still caressing me, nodded.

“Please! I'm going to get diabetes!” Angie shrieked, breaking the magic of the moment. “Yuck...”

“Angie...” I lamented, just when I was starting to enjoy that moment.

“It doesn't matter, Donna...” she said, amused, still looking at me, still piercing my heart with her gaze. “You can tell she’s happy...”

“Well...” I said, laughing nervously.

“Hey... I thought about closing the store for today,” (Y/N) said, moving away. “Maybe you'd like to do something together...”

“Vu-Vuoli... Vuoli...fare qualcosa... in-insieme?” I stammered awkwardly, not keeping control of my own language.

“If you told me what I think… Yes,” she joked playfully. “Let’s do something together…”

“Oh, okay, I… Io… We can, go… You can… You can… You can come to my house if you want… I, you… you liked sewing, right?” I said nervously.

She nodded with a funny look.

“I can, I can show you my workshop, and… I can, I can… We can sew together… se… se hai voglia… E… And, I can, I can show you my bam… My dolls, and… I can, I can make one like you if you want, and we can, we can…”

“Donna,” she said, interrupting my pathetic attempt at conversation, relaxing my nerves with a soft caress, one to which I also joined my hand. “I would love to go to your house…”

“Really?” I asked, nodding, with a sincere smile, far from my usual nervous look. “Would you like to?”

“Yes…” she sighed, getting dangerously close to me. “But first, I'd like to do something…”

“Oh, okay, wh…?” I said nervously, interrupted by her lips, which kissed mine, caressed them in a tender way, in a way I never expected to feel. I don't know what her first kiss had been, but mine… I would never forget mine.

“Much better, don't you think?” she sighed still on my lips, letting the rhythm increase on its own, so I could kiss her without fear.

“Ugh, they’re kissing!” Angie protested.

We both smiled, resting our foreheads on each other.

“Come on, honey… I'm looking forward to see your dolls…”

[kanasbinwriting]

REN HANA X AUTISTIC READER

Thank you so much for your request @haleysongtopaz! Sorry that I took so long, I had to do a lot of research concerning sensory issues and autism and I hope I did an ok job.

And thank you, @clancynewmaker (and I thank your sister wholeheartedly) for helping me and answering my questions concerning autism and sensory issues!

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Ren forced you to do many things you didn't want, you've long crossed out the hope that he won't make you do such uncomfortable and usually embarrassing things, so it was no surprise that he would make you wear something more revealing and tight to "make you look even more prettier", he said. The clothes he picked out for you weren't ugly or cheap looking, they suited you perfectly and complimented your body quite well, but you already dreaded the thought of wearing something made out of polyester.

He did notice the discomfort on your face when he presented them to you. Not really understanding why you were acting like this even though he spent almost a month with you, he assumed that you just weren't comfortable in your body and he tried his best to reassure you, but to no avail, because it's not the body that's the problem, it's the clothes that give you discomfort. You know what he was capable of, and you would rather not find out what he would do if you didn't 'cherish' his gift, so you took the clothes, and he happily made his way to the living room.

As you slowly put the clothes on, you visibly winced, "Oh fuck me." whispering under your breath, your skin already felt as if it was on fire. How were you supposed to survive this?! When you finally finished putting the clothes on you felt all of your senses heighten as a shiver ran down your spine. You began to scratch and pick your hands as you looked around the room, sadly finding no comfort wherever you looked. Not seeing a point in dragging this out any further, you finally stepped into the living room. You didn't dare to make any exaggerated movements to not make the clothes rub on you too much as you made your way towards the couch, where he was waiting for you while he turned the volume up. What a great combo. His smile grew as you came into his view "Look at you!" he cooed before his smile dropped when he took notice of how you were scratching your hands and looking around the room nervously. Ren stood up from the couch. "Is something wrong?" he asked, strangely worried, but you couldn't concentrate on what he was saying as the noises from the TV and his footsteps got louder.

Before you know it you feel his hands on you. You flinched when he took your hands in his, and without thinking, you desperately asked, "Please, I can't take this anymore! Can I please take the clothes off? My skin feels like it's burning I'm begging yo-" you stopped your rambling when you noticed that he didn't say anything. He looked at you blankly and then down to your clothes. Fuck. He seemed to be in deep thought, but before you could apologize he quickly turned you around and began to undress you. He gave you one of his fresh-washed shirts and sat you down on the couch. "There, now everything should be fine." He whispered in your ear before he sat down on the couch with you. You didn't want to question his action so you let out a quiet "Thank you" instead. You let out a sigh of relief, but you couldn't help to still feel on edge. Ren's gaze never left you as he cuddled up to you, wrapping his soft tail around you. Your breathing calmed as you subconsciously began to run your fingers in his fur. That's when you also noticed his ears twitch. You began to play with one of his ears with your free hand and he closed his eyes, sighing in contentment.

[mxqdii]

hii! i was wondering if you goul do chris x autistic reader? if thats ok with you ofc!!

headcannons - c.s x autistic reader

pairings: chris sturniolo x reader

summary: headcannons

a/n: hii guys, so ive been getting a lottt of reqs for matt & chris x autistic reader, and ive obviously decided to do them, but please know that i am not autistic, so im very very sorry if i get some stuff wrong, i did do research prior but again everyone is different. it is not my intention to make anybody uncomfortable with these fics, only to answer reqs sent by my readers. my dms are open if anyone needs to talk!

warning(s): mental health mentions

not proofread

it started with a joke, or what chris thought as a joke

you'd say something silly, joking about the matter, and at first chris would be confused, so he'd ask you about it

the whole time you guys would be having this talk his hand would be in yours, his thumb rubbing your hand as he listens intently

and as uncomfortable as it is, you have no choice but to be honest, praying he doesnt look at you differently

and guess what!! he doesnt (we love him fr)

Immediately researchs and asks you if theres anything he can do to help you in any way

and even though you were honest in that talk, theres only so much you can say

as time goes on, chris learns more and more. more about autism and what its like for you, not just in general

he picks up on your habits and helps however he can, whether thats getting you to stop picking at your nails or doing something a little too impulsive

if you have any unusal eating problems, whether its eating too much or too little, he's there every step of the way to help.

if he notices you eating less, hed take you out on a picnic or to dinner

sleep issues too! one time you mentioned you liked the smell of his colonge, so he started wearing it to sleep

whenever you cant sleep, he wraps you in his arms and plays with your hair.

that and his scent put you to sleep immediately

if it doesnt though, hes always happy to put on a movie or music, (or any other sounds like rain or waves!)

he notices your phases of specific intrests and eventually finds out about hyperfixating

while he does stuff like shop, cook, work, he likes to listen to you ramble on about your newest hyperfixation and even thinks whatever you're talking about is cool

if its a book, he would REFUSE to read it i swear, buuuut, he would definitely look up the whole plot so he atleast knew what you were talking about

if it was a show movie or music, he would watch or listen to it and honestly, he'd probably get into it (even if its something like greys anatomy, kid would be invested)

anyways, we love chris!!

TAGLIST:

@opheliaofficial07 @stargirlv0id @strniolo @annaisabookworm @theperson-nextdoor @its-jennarose @thetriplets3 @gottamakemyhatersmad @luvsturniolo

[gatitties]

May you please write a Strawhat, Heart pirates and Kid pirates with an autistic and/or ADHD young reader ? Who have zero respect for adults and hates them unless they were cool/kind to them

─ Strawhats, Heart Pirates & Kid Pirates x reader

─ Summary: It's just you having your little autism/ADHD moment with this crews

─ Warnings: none

Part two

I don't know if I related the autism or ADHD aspects well, sorry about that :s and I don't know why whenever I write something about Kid pirates, reader tends to bite people jhadjhs omg it's a headcannon that I can't get out of my head sorry 😭🤚

─ You and Chopper are the spoiled and protected of the ship for being young.

─ Although they are more careful with you because well, you'll simply end up lost in some random place due to your attention deficit at the least convenient times.

─ It was hard for you to trust them at first but your weak point was Brook and Franky, they were the most outstanding and cool, of course Robin's kindness also captured your sensitive part.

─ They find it adorable how sometimes you just ramble out loud about everything you see in the place or think about something that catches your attention.

─ I can see how Zoro, Brook and Luffy think that you are just a little stupid and distracted (like their captain) and that the ones who really know about your ADHD are the rest, maybe Usopp thinks that you are also something wrong with directions just like Zoro.

─ Robin tries not to overload you with the tasks you have to do, she always gives you a hand if she sees that you are starting to dissociate more than normal.

─ Luffy will be the one to end your most hyperactive side, he will make you tired when playing with him, although he have to change games every so often because you'll simply get bored.

─ Franky or Usopp will make small de-stressing or sensitive objects to help you if you need them or make you feel better.

─ You don't know how you do it, but you always end up in all the villains' speeches, you try to listen to their story but you just get bored and end up ignoring them until the fight breaks out, you have the nerve to even sleep while someone tells how miserable their life was, but you know, you don't care for and dislike most adults.

─ But don't worry, you have a whole crew that covers your back while you sleep on these occasions.

"My parents were killed by pirates, my daughter, my wife… everything was destroyed by vile beings like you all, that's why I swore revenge for-"

The words of the angry person next to you went to the back of your mind, you let out a yawn even though your head continued to watch the surroundings as you fiddled with your hands, somewhat impatient for all the chatter to end.

You tried to stay focused on at least one thing, which was usually Usopp's nose, why? No idea, you just liked it because it was unusual, even though you don't think the crew you're with is normal.

You didn't even notice how a knife was thrown at you for simply not paying attention to your surroundings, Zoro's sword quickly deflected it as Nami pulled you closer to her, you looked at her silently asking if she needed anything, at this point you had forgotten that you were in the middle of starting a fight.

"Just stay by my side, okay?"

"Why- Oh, careful!"

Pulling out your own weapon you fended off an attack coming towards you, your mind coming to its senses as to the current situation, taking another approach, your hyperactive side taking over the rest of the battle where luckily you could focus on an enemy, although you had many weak points, Sanji took care to cover them so that you could concentrate on your fight without distractions that could injure you.

"Nice, you're giving them a beating!"

And in the middle of the battle Luffy took it upon himself to break all your concentration with his praise, which you loved to receive like a puppy hungry for acceptance, you turned around ignoring your opponent's attack, smiling at Luffy as you gave him some thumbs up.

"Luffy, this is not the time!"

Jinbe deflected the attack coming at you for paying attention to your captain instead of the fight you were fighting, again preventing you from getting hurt, though before you knew it the battle was already over and now everyone was just scolding Luffy while that Chopper checked if you had hurt without realizing it.

─ He took you as a patient to analyze for your unusual behavior.

─ Then he simply appreciated your skills without giving importance to your ADHD or signs of autism, at least it was something that made you look at him with different eyes, he didn't treat you as someone different just because of your small condition.

─ The relationship with them at the beginning was a complete tug of war of insults, absurd fights and a lot of disrespect towards them for the simple fact of being older than you, maybe the only one who was saved from all your crap was Bepo because an animal that speaks? It was the coolest thing you've seen so far in your short life.

─ After a while you started to get along better with everyone, Shachi's and Penguin's jokes started to make you laugh, Law easily earned your respect, Ikkaku was very nice to you as was Jean Bart when you joined permanently.

─ Although from time to time you mess with them as a joke, only small harmless fights.

─ Law takes care of your problem with attention deficit, giving you activities that keep your mind active efficiently, however Shachi and Penguin end up messing up your concentration somehow.

─ You usually help Ikkaku in the kitchen, although sometimes she's the one who has to help you because you try to do so many things at once (and end up not completing any) that you need her to organize the things you have to do.

─ Normally they have you in the rear when they fight, they are not risking your little habits hurting you, although Law is not one to confront someone directly, he is more cunning than that.

─ Of course, on many occasions you have broken that moment of secrecy that they need but they have never thrown it in your face, they know the consequences of your distractions but they will not leave you behind.

You were on an undercover mission with Jean Bart, both of you acting like family having a drink in a bar while what you really want is to listen to the conversation of a few pirates that Law wanted to steal a map from.

The others were also around controlling the rest of the crew and their movements, and you were really doing well, behaving like a minimally normal teenager without anything distracting you for more than a few seconds, you had been training your concentration but there are moments when those intrusive thoughts win.

Today and now seemed to be the right time for your impatience and impulsiveness to drive you enough to break the role you were playing, listening to the conversation of an adult who seemed to be an idiot, although everyone seemed so to your eyes, it was a breaking point.

"You're so damn annoying! Just tell me where you got that damn map you stole!"

You jumped out of your seat pointing your weapon at the man who nearly fell over in shock at your aggressiveness and spontaneity, and immediately everyone jumped into the fight aware that you had exposed your stealth strategy.

"You've lasted longer concentrated than last time, keep it up!"

"I don't need your stupid flattery!"

Ignoring the guy you were threatening Shachi distracted you, which led to Jean Bart stopping a small blade you didn't see directed at your abdomen, Law switched your location to his and did the job of the threat quickly with the help of his power.

"You have to control yourself more, we will not always be there to cover you."

You crossed your arms a little annoyed that they didn't let you finish the job they had given you, also blaming yourself internally for messing it up again, but Bepo took care to make you think of other things when he asked for your help to organize the new loot obtained, although it took the rest of the day because you just stood around taking a good look at all the cool stuff.

No one would blame you for your little outbursts or for your curious habits, that's how you were, that's how they accepted you and that's how they love you, after all, you were unique in your own way.

─ You probably looked like a wild animal to them the first time they saw you because you attacked them for trespassing on your property, more like the forest you lived in.

─ You were practically a wild and completely impulsive, simple-minded person who was raised by, in fact, animals.

─ Adults normally came to destroy the nature of your home, and you developed a certain hatred towards them. Kid noticed this when he found you again biting a villager who tried to hunt a rabbit that was originally your prey.

─ It was so hilarious that he thought you would be a good addition to the team, you were just as rude as them although he also noticed that you had concentration problems, he thought it wouldn't be a big problem.

─ Ah yes, the reliable old one, he just dragged you onto his ship and at first it was like you were an abused cat getting used to a new life where they didn't abuse it, lots of scratching, biting and hissing if any of them dared to get too close.

─ Once you gain confidence or at least, accept their presence without hating them, they will find your impulsiveness amusing when it comes to battles, they just sit and watch how you fight against five men much stronger than you, keeping them at bay because your lack of focusing on a single target makes you somehow attack everyone at once.

─ Although Killer always has an eye on you, you are too young to end up dead because of your impulsiveness.

─ They don't care about your strange nature, they simply interpret your autism as if it were the fault of your contempt for adults for being away from society for so long.

─ I can see that these idiots only increase your attention deficit instead of helping you, as if they had competitions to see who can distract you the most.

You were calmly observing some fish, everything was strangely calm, you frowned, touching the tips of your fingers to your thumb in succession as you turned around only to be greeted by a necklace that was swinging slowly between Wire's fingers, your attention being immediately stolen by some floating bolts because of Kid.

You shook your head back to your thoughts, you knew they were trying to have one of their silly competitions over who could get your attention the easiest and you were simply too proud to fall for their tricks again.

"Oh look, a sea king!"

You cursed yourself internally when you fell into the trap of one of the boys, getting your attention back to the immense sea in search of that creature, you returned the gaze with some insults that only made everyone laugh, they continued trying to steal your attention but you just focused on other things like the seagulls or the clouds.

Inevitably your brain shut down and got carried away when you saw a big blaze of fire as well as the slightly warmer environment, no matter how many times Heat did that trick, he would always gain your attention by spitting fire, making you forget everything and focus just in the fire.

"Looks like I won again."

"You're just cheating! If I had more metal I could do a lot better than your stupid little flame."

And then started a discussion between Kid and Heat about which of the two would be better, Wire sneaked up to you, you looked at him while you moved your arms impatiently as if you were waiting for something to happen, he knew that when you started to move so much something was irritating you and if he didn't you want to start a fight where you'll probably end up biting someone's ankles he decided to take you to the kitchen with Killer.

"Have they started fighting again?"

It didn't take a word from Wire for the blond to know why you were there, he just nodded and left you both, Killer always knew how to make your hyperactivity not hurt you too much as well as your impulses, he gave you self-control methods, although they didn't always turn out well.

"Killer, I think I want to stick a fork into someone."

"And why this time?"

"It's just… an impulse, can I do it?"

"No..." you opened your mouth to complain but he continued "not someone from the ship, we'll talk about it when we disembark on the next island."

"Yes, sir…"

Killer smiled vaguely as he saw how in a couple of seconds your attention simply went to the kitchen stools, you had been in the habit of placing them in a specific way because if it didn't bother you, at least he thought this helped you to forget your desire to stick a fork into someone.