#Please don't kill me I've never had my own blog-

[witchywcmans]

TOO SWEET. | LAIOS TOUDEN

synopsis ━━ after accepting his new title, your moments alone with laios start to become a rarity. it was hard for him to find time, making him long for the days in the dungeon with you. and now, the kisses between you two were quick and desperate, until one night...when a very tired laios just can't seem to ignore you. (laios x f!reader.)

content warnings ━━ cunnilingus + fingering, praise, size kink, reader on top, unprotected sex, creampie, cum eating, yearning + sexual tension, laios and reader haven't boinked in a bit, monster facts as dirty talk ofc, confession, mentions of dubious consent in 5th paragraph (from when the winged lion switched into laios's body). nsfw (minors + ageless blogs dni).

word count ━━ 5.4k

song inspiration ━━ howl, florence + the machine / oil & water, pvris / love story, taylor swift

author's note ━━ THIS ONE-SHOT CONTAINS MANGA SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OF DUNGEON MESHI! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! okay, part 3 (and final part) of my laios series is here! like the other parts, this could be read as a standalone, if you want. my plan for part 3 was to make it vague in case ppl who haven’t read the manga want to read it, but that kinda went out the window. I highly encourage everyone to read the manga if you want more of the story, it gets so interesting! I'm a SUCKER for a knight x ruler ship, so that's what you're getting in this!! I've enjoyed writing this little connected series so much and it really pushed me to start writing reader one-shots! if it hadn't been for all the ppl in the dungeon meshi fandom who read my work, I probably wouldn't have started this. this anime + manga has become one of my absolute favorites!! I hope you guys enjoy this! ps: don't worry, I will be writing more laios in the future 😉

🪽 part i: PLEASE, EAT. / part ii: FORBIDDEN FRUIT. / part iii: TOO SWEET.

After what felt like years, all was right in the world when the Island’s dungeon was destroyed and the Golden Kingdom finally rose from the sea. You had gotten to know Laios – in more ways than one – throughout your journey inside the dungeon, which had left you terrified at some points, especially when you almost lost him. But it hadn’t surprised you when the people had declared him King of a land that was thought to have been perished 1000 years ago. With everything he sacrificed, Laios – the devour of monsters, the destroyer of demons – was the only right person to rule.

With the help of Marcille, Senshi, Chilchuck, and even more friends met along the way, Laios was advised thoroughly as he undertook the stresses of establishing the Golden Kingdom once again. He had to deal with villager problems, instituting the economy, and keeping an eye on the monsters that took residence in surrounding lands. He watched them from his bedroom window on the farthest tower of the castle, admiring the beasts that warded off any threats to the kingdom. But his passion had become the production and preservation of food throughout his land, specifically in regards to magic and monsters. He made sure not one person in the Golden Kingdom went hungry, even if it killed him someday.

Most days were spent researching with his advisors or sitting in the throne room, listening to villagers' pleas for more building materials, better water, or whatever else they came up with that day. Laios made sure to listen to every ask, but he had to admit – just talking to people was exhausting. He never regretted his decision to become King, but sometimes … he longed for the days in the dungeons, tearing into whatever monster they cooked up that night, fighting alongside you, holding your hand or kissing you … tasting you.

Like your former party members, you had taken up residence in the castle as Laios’s chief knight and sworn protector. It made sense, given the fact that you had saved him with your crossbow on several occasions in the dungeon. You frequented by his side, except when he was in his own chambers. You led him to meetings, walked with him through the streets of the kingdom, protected him if any threats arose. Ever since you took up this mantle, your moments alone together had become rare. There had been one night: after Laios was safe and sound in the walls of the castle … that you shared his bed with him, tears streaming down your face because you had been so worried for him, but it didn’t matter anymore now that he was safe, and healing, and pounding into you so hard that it left you both gasping for air. Besides that, the only encounters you had alone were fleeting, consisting of swift, passionate kisses and rough squeezes in dark corners. You two hadn’t been intimate in any sense of the word since … well, since the Winged Lion was defeated. 

Just the memory of the demon made you shiver. You remembered when the Wing Lion had switched into Laios’s body and granted his true desire to become a monster. Before trying to escape the dungeon, he had tried fooling all the party members that he really was Laios and he almost fooled you. You recalled the way he had tried to kiss you – probably devouring your own desires right from your mouth – and how his hands so eagerly tried to slip underneath your skirt, finding you already aching and ready for your lover, just needing to be touched after being so distraught over Laios’s wellbeing. But you recognized the foreign contact from a mile away, and you had pushed him back, screaming at the Winged Lion to bring back your Laios.

You shook yourself out of the memory as you walked Laios back to his bed chambers that night. His stomach was full from dinner, but he was also worn out from a long day of meeting with his advisors. Marcille had really chewed into him about something today, but you weren’t sure of the reason. Holding open the door to his room for him, you caught his tired, lingering gaze before he disappeared inside. You swallowed hard, stationing yourself outside his door, your fingers on the handle of your sword. Nights like these were hard. They were lonely. It was just you out here, manning the King’s chambers, with nothing but the memory of his mouth between your legs or his groans echoing in your ears. 

His half-lidded eyes tonight had you reeling, squeezing your thighs together as you tried to forget about how much you wanted him. It had been almost two weeks since he last kissed you. And that kiss had been quick, desperate, two people colliding in the small, unlit closet used by the maids.

Your hand enclosed around the hilt of your sword, and you nodded at two other guards walking past. If you kept losing yourself to daydreams like this, there was no way you’d be focused enough to protect Laios from an immediate threat. That’s what mattered after all: the King’s protection … the King’s protection … the King. Surely, it wasn’t wise to be so entranced with the new King of the Golden Kingdom as his sworn sword. And again, you understood why you were picked. But it was nights like this where you really wished you had just been … his lover. Hell, you’d even survive with just being a lady of the court if it meant no more secret meetings in closets.

You could’ve dwelled on this predicament for hours, if the door to the Laios’s chambers wasn’t opening.

You turned immediately, your hand on the hilt of your sword going tight. But it was just Laios, leaning against the open door and rubbing at his tired eyes. He had shed his fancy clothes for a nightshirt and loose-fitting drawers. His hair had grown a bit longer, and he refused to cut it out of spite. The way it was sticking out right now, pushed back slightly by his hand … you swore you could feel your knees buckling.

“Your Grace?” You greeted, remaining professional, until you saw that look in his eyes again. That tired, lingering gaze. Full of want, and care, and desperation for another body against his.

His eyes crinkled, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at your call. “Please, do not feel the need to call me that at this hour.” He then held out his hand, beckoning you closer.

Swallowing hard, your eyes flicker down the barren hallway before taking his hand, letting him lead you inside his bed chambers. This was the moment you’d been waiting for so long. His movements were calculated, deliberate, as he slowly shut the large door. You unhooked your belt and scabbard, setting them by the door. As you turned to him, he was already in front of you, helping you take off your armor. His fingers were slow, not in a hurry, as he fiddled with the metal fasteners. He struggled with some clasps, muttering under his breath, and you laughed softly. Each piece was set delicately on the ground, and then he was lifting off your chainmail as if it weighed nothing. You sometimes wondered how you were able to walk around with such heavy material every day since taking up this mantle.

Finally, you were left in nothing but your clothes beneath the armor: a loose red tunic and suede trousers. The relaxed nature in his eyes vanished, replaced by an intense hunger, mirroring the stance of a wolf. Laios was rushing towards you, pushing you against the wall, and pressing his mouth onto yours. You matched his desire tenfold, winding your hands into his hair as you kissed each other with desperation. His fingers fisted into the sides of your shirt, pulling you against him, while his tongue prodded into your mouth. He groaned immediately. All this time without tasting just a bit of you had him weak in the knees. He’d never go this long without kissing you ever again.

“It’s been weeks,” he muttered between kisses. Gone was the monster-obsessed adventurer who saved you from turning into a sea serpent. He’d been replaced by a King who yearned for your touch the second he saw you every morning.

“Since we last kissed,” you corrected as he pressed your back even further into the cold, stone wall. His lips broke away from yours, leaving a trail of spit connecting you two. You exhaled, “It’s been months since we were alone for longer than two minutes.”

“I know,” he sighed, now nuzzling his cheek against yours, “and I’m sorry. All I want to do is go back to the dungeon … with you. It’s just … there’s no time, and I’m so tired.” His mouth then dragged to the shell of your ear, and you shivered when his hot breath ghosted over the side of your face. “But the way you looked tonight at dinner … I don’t know … it was the way the wine made your face red … no matter how tired I was, I had to have you tonight. I missed you so much.”

You were sure that your cheeks had to be as flushed now as they were at dinner. Just his kiss alone had you wet, already wrapped around his finger. “I missed you too, Laios.”

He hardly gave you a second to continue before he was kneeling in front of you. He couldn’t wait; there was this fierce longing in his eyes that only you could cure. His fingers hooked into the waistband of your trousers as he muttered, “I need to taste you.”

Despite his desperation, he did take a moment to admire how soaked your underwear was, how he had always been the one to cause this. You looked down at him and he looked up at you. With long, expert fingers, Laios tugged your underwear down along with your trousers. Your pussy was absolutely dripping, like a goddamn faucet. A whine escaped his lips, hungry for a taste, and he spread your folds just slightly to see the wetness gather. There were just about a thousand monster dishes he enjoyed, but nothing – absolutely nothing – compared to how delicious you were.

Laios didn’t even give you time to step out of your pants and underwear. He was grasping your hips and burying his face between your legs, pushing you right back against the wall. You choked on a moan, even though you both knew you had to be quiet, but you just couldn’t help yourself. He placed one of your legs on his shoulder to give him better access, and when he finally got the first few drops of you on his tongue, he damn near started crying.

You were exquisite. You were too sweet. Sweet like Dryad fruit.

Grinding your hips against his tongue, you whined out his name and realized how badly you had needed him in this way for weeks. Your hands found purchase in his hair, tugging his face deeper into your pussy. He lapped at you, absolutely ravenous, groaning when more slick entered his mouth. His lips wrapped around your clit and sucked harshly. His fingers dug into your hip, surely bruising you, while his other hand wrapped around your leg and pushed them even further apart. 

“Missed the way you tasted,” he muttered before flicking your clit with his tongue. “I could do this for hours.”

You let out a shuddering breath, already hazy from his touch. “Why don’t you then?”

“I want to,” he chuckled, all awkward and blushing. Just the sight of him looking up at you with those pretty eyes while licking a stripe up your pussy had you gasping. “Tomorrow. I promise. I just need to be inside you tonight.”

His promise for tomorrow had your heart fluttering. You both were going to make time again, but he also had more plans for you tonight. This wasn’t going to be just two minutes in a closet. Thinking of him stretching your walls with his girth, pushing into you after all these weeks of yearning for him, of touching yourself whenever you could because you just missed him so much … it all made you start to buck your hips against his tongue again. You knew how much he loved that. You physically felt him smile against you, sucking on your clit once again as he prodded one finger inside your tight warmth.

Your eyes rolled back once he found your g-spot, curling his finger and beginning to pump in and out. “Fuck, Laios, I –”

“Needed this so badly,” he confessed, swirling his tongue around your increasingly swollen clit. His cock was straining against his drawers, precum seeping through the thin fabric, but he wanted you to cum on his tongue first. It’s all he’d been dreaming about. “Needed you.”

“I needed you too,” you whispered, and then felt him add a second finger inside of you. You bit the side of your hand, muffling your moan. “So good – fuck. Doing so good, Laios –”

Your body was starting to shake, your walls clenching around his fingers. Laios was relishing in your taste, teasing your clit in the most delicious way. You were so, so close and he needed this so much and so did you and before you knew it, you were crying out into your hand again. Your pussy went tight as his fingers curled into your g-spot and you came all over his waiting tongue. Laios whimpered when he finally tasted your release, pushing his face as much as he could into your pussy, almost suffocating himself. He licked at you, making sure he got every last drop, and when your hips finally stilled, he pulled his fingers out of you with a wet pop and lapped at the excess.

Sweat ran down your brow as you settled against the wall, trying to calm your breathing. When you opened your eyes, Laios was getting to his feet and towering over you. His hand clasped around your jaw and gave you another bruising kiss, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. It was like he was trying to devour you, to mold both of you into one so you could be together forever.

Carrying you over to the bed, he set you down on top of the blankets and finally tugged your pants and underwear from your ankles. You laughed together when he realized that he had gotten so excited he forgot to rid you of these. "Sorry," he said, setting them down in a pile.

You couldn't help but smile when you noticed the blush on his cheeks. "Missed me that much, huh?"

His face went even more pink. "Stop embarrassing me when I'm trying to seduce you."

He pulled his nightshirt over his head, and before his fingers could grasp the hem of your tunic, you were pinning him with the brute strength he forgot you acquired in the dungeon. "You don't have to do much to seduce me, Laios," you whispered in his ear, making him shudder.

Now underneath you, you straddled Laios's lap, feeling how hard he was in his drawers. He looked up at you in shock, like you were an offering from the Gods, as you lifted your tunic off and dropped it to the floor. His breathing stilled, watching the way your breasts heaved, and his cock was practically begging for release. 

You leaned down, pressing your mouth to his throat, placing sloppy kisses on areas that made his breath hitch. This was the new King of the Golden Kingdom under you, trembling from just your lips on his skin. He was wrapped around your finger just as much as you were wrapped around his. Dragging your lips down, you kissed his chest before finally swirling your tongue around one of his nipples. Laios muttered expletives under his breath as you wrapped your lips around his nipple, pinching his other one. His whole body was becoming tense underneath you, his straining erection poking against your backside, but you kept teasing him.

At the end of the day, you were always there for your King.

Once both his nipples were taut and wet from your expert tongue, you leaned back up to his face and kissed the corner of his mouth. He watched you with half-lidded eyes, cupping your face so tenderly. “Laios, I just want to be extra sure. Do you want to …?” Your question hung heavy between you two, but recognition flashed in Laios’s eyes. You nuzzled the side of his face and added, “I know you’re tired. I don’t want to keep you up if you’re that exhausted.”

“I’ve been thinking about this – about you – for weeks,” he said, his eyes filled with need. “I want this. I want you.”

You stared at him, absolutely melting at the sight of that dopey grin on his face once again, the one you loved so, so much. Now you were blushing, unable to not giggle when you saw that grin. You traced the curve of his mouth with your finger, and he bit down on the top of it unexpectedly, making you both laugh. This is why you loved Laios: everything was so easy with him.

Wait, love. Is that was this was? The burning feeling in your chest whenever he was near. The way you couldn’t help but smile whenever he did, or how you always laughed along with him. The natural disposition to protect him, whether it be from demons or people. The way you could so easily melt under his touch, under his kiss. It had always been there, staring you right in the face … love.

Feeling your heart beat rapidly in your chest, you finally moved so he could push down his drawers, and his hard cock sprang free. Precum leaked from the blushing red tip, dripping down his shaft and onto his stomach. You adored how pretty his cock was, how easily he could stretch you out with his girth. He liked the way you looked at it now, how you praised him. It took a couple of times, but he eventually stopped being embarrassed about his size around you. He still liked to give you monster facts as he fucked you sometimes – as a treat.

Laios’s hands settled on your hips as you lifted yourself, positioning yourself above his cock. You wrapped your hand around his shaft to get the perfect angle, smearing his precum and making him hiss. “Did … did you know,” he said, voice strangled, “the maximum speed of a Red Dragon is approximately – oh, fuck – 60 kilometers per hour?”

“Mhmm …” You hummed, finally lowering yourself with his help, sinking down onto his cock slowly. Once he slipped a few inches inside your warm, wet walls, you both gasped. You placed your free hand on his chest and encouraged, “Tell me more, Laios.”

“Gods …” He breathed out, feeling your body quiver above him. “I … uh – fuck … people have theorized that changelings – shit – use their ability to change living things in order to propagate their species – fuck, almost there –”

You both let out a breath of relief once he was finally seated inside you. Laios sat up, tugging you more against him, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You stayed there for a moment, adjusting to his size once again, clinging to him as he kissed your cheek and murmured how you took him so well. You’d probably never get used to how big he was, but he filled you so nicely, so completely. After making sure you were comfortable, Laios decided to take the reins and began moving you on his cock. You whimpered after the first pass, and he had to grip your hips so tightly just to stop himself from going overboard, wanting to make this last just a little while longer. Each roll of your hips had you mewling as his cock curved inside you, brushing your spongy g-spot. His fingers dug into your skin, rocking you back and forth, grinding your already oversensitive clit against his pelvis. 

Burying your face into his neck, you let him start to bounce you on his cock. He groaned, feeling himself throb inside your tight heat. Everything about you was perfect: from the way you fit him inside of you so nicely to the way you whined against his skin, begging for more. He was thoroughly obsessed with you. It was a miracle that it took him so long to initiate with you after the Golden Kingdom had risen. He found himself thinking about your touch, about your taste, more often than not. And the way you smiled at him, your laughter sounding like wind chimes in a busy street market … he knew how deep his feelings went, farther than he expected. He was the King but you were the one who brought him to his knees every time.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he groaned, biting and sucking on the side of your neck. “You always feel so good … so warm …”

He started thrusting up into you when his arms got a little tired, and you let him simply take control. There was so little control he had in his life now, especially since he was being watched almost all the time, so you’d give him this – you’d give him you. And gods, did it feel good to just melt into him, to not be his sworn sword, just for a little while. Right now, you two were just lovers, desperate to soothe each other’s ache.

The expansive bedroom was filled with the sounds of skin slapping against skin and moans echoing off the ceiling. Your arousal oozed out with each roll of your hips, dripping onto the lavish blankets befit for a King. But neither of you seemed to give a damn as his nails created crescent shapes in your hips, and you squeezed around him so much that he choked on a whimper. With your face nuzzling the crook of his neck, you carded your fingers into his hair, pulling slightly and eliciting another sound from him.

“Did you also know,” he began in a strained tone, “fuck – wargs have no fear of monsters larger than themselves – please, fuck – not even … not even dragons?”

“Are we still doing that?” You snorted, lifting your head from his neck.

He laughed along with you, and now you both were looking into each other’s eyes as he thrust up into you, hitting the best spots. He leaned down to capture one of your nipples in his mouth, moaning at the way you squirmed. His tongue moved to lick up the valley between your breasts, almost animalistic, before his mouth was grazing yours and his eyes were burning into you like melted gold. You clung onto him tighter, your chest flush against him, and you knew then that this wasn’t just fucking anymore. Laios was making love to you and you were making love to him and – fuck, he was going to make you cum so hard to make up for the past few weeks.

You were creating an absolute mess on top of him, just a blabbering heap of moans and whines, eyes locked on his as you rode him into oblivion. “I’m gonna cum,” you mewled, unable to keep your voice level. Your fingers tugged on his hair again, and he responded by downright slamming you up and down his thick cock.

“I know. It’s okay. I know.” One of his hands left your hip to reach in between your bodies, where you both were linked, and two fingers began to circle your clit. You hissed, back arching even more into him. Your vow to be quiet long forgotten as he teased your ache. “That’s it … there you go.”

Laios knew his strength, and it was certainly showing it off tonight. He was rocking your hips on his cock – so close to release – while rubbing your clit in tight circles. His sweet nothings in your ear had you crying out his name, and after a few more messy passes, you were cumming around him. You were shaking like fresh mandrake in his arms. Your walls squeezed him so tight that it only took one more thrust up into you before he was emptying himself into you. He came with a lewd groan, his hands falling to his sides and leaving you to bounce yourself on his cock through his release. Eventually, when the wave after wave of pleasure settled between you both, you slumped against him and breathed heavily. And he just held you, burying his face in your neck and licking at the bites he left on your bruised skin.

When you lifted your head to kiss him, he surprised you by rolling you onto your back, his soft cock slipping out and leaving you feeling empty. He kneeled at the end of the bed and spread your legs wide open, letting your combined releases spill out. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, and the anguish in his tone stunned you. “It’s been weeks, and I just … I need you.”

As soon as the word, “Please,” left your lips, he was diving in again, spreading your folds with two fingers. He licked a long stripe through your pussy, gathering your releases on his tongue. He didn’t care that he was tasting his own cum; all he wanted was this – you. He lapped at you, still starving for your taste, and the way he had you cumming again was slow, calculated. Laios edged you, teetering you on the brink of release, before his hunger got the best of him. And when you came again on his tongue, it felt long and relaxing, like a weight had been lifted off you. Warmth seeped from your aching pussy and onto his tongue. He drank his fill, relishing in your sweetness.

Laios rose back on the bed, curling against your side like a tamed dire wolf. His arms slotted against you, pulling your naked front against his once again. His hand lifted to your cheek, pushing strands of hair behind your ear. Your noses brushed against each other, and he finally kissed you, slowly and passionately. There was no desperation left in him. It was replaced by the steady rhythm of his heart next to yours. 

“I love you, Laios,” you blurted in the softest voice you could muster. Once you realized what you said, you didn’t dare open your eyes to see his reaction. You simply felt him, his lips hovering just over yours, and then he hummed.

“I love you too,” he whispered, and your eyes opened to watch him. That dazed grin appeared once again, making your insides twist and your cheeks tinged pink.

Laios practically giggled and pecked your lips just to soothe your nerves. “I’m not sure how to handle you like this,” he joked, finally making you laugh with him. “Usually, you’re the one making me nervous.”

“I just …” You shook your head. “I was afraid you wouldn’t say it back.”

“I thought it was obvious that I’ve been in love with you since we first met,” he said in that straightforward tone of his. His thumbs brushed over your cheekbones and he smiled. “Seems like I’m cooler than I thought.”

You chuckled, hitting his chest and making him fall back onto the bed. You were sitting up slightly, propping your elbow and resting your chin in your hand. Laios was looking up at you like you put the stars in the sky. Both of you knew, instinctively, that a King being intimate with his sworn protector was typically frowned upon. Neither of you truly cared, but the opinions of his people had to matter. He was a new King after all, and every move of his would be scrutinized. Which left him with one option.

Lacing his fingers with yours, he said, “We should get married.”

Your brow furrowed. “That seems a little rash.”

It was your gut instinct to deflect, to push him away, even when you scooted yourself closer to him. But you couldn’t deny that this had been in the back of your mind, shoved in the dark corners when you thought it might be too crazy of an idea. The first time it popped into your brain was when you saw Laios’s monster form lying helpless on the ground. His body was deteriorating, blood seeping out from every crevice of the three-headed creature. The Winged Lion had been defeated, but you couldn’t stop the wail that erupted from your mouth as you took in Laios’s monster body, reeking of death and despair. You remembered running from from the tower, taking one of the heads in your arms, and crying, your tears soaking the fur. 

But then you and Marcille found him amongst the trees of the island, where Falin’s body had been frozen and resting against a boulder. From the moment his eyes met yours, you had no doubt that this was your Laios. And he was okay. He was tired, but he was okay. You didn’t think you could shed any more tears, but then you were running towards him, wrapping your arms around him, and he was burying his face in your neck and – gods, that had to be when you knew. With the relief flooding through you and his arms embracing you … you knew then that you wanted to be with him forever. You didn’t want to see him in harm’s way ever again. You would kill – again and again – for him. You would be by his side as long as he would have you. You loved him. You wanted him. Forever.

Laios snorted, bringing you out of the memory. “Rash? After how long we’ve known each other?” His tone grew serious. “I trust you with my life. That’s why I named you my sword. But I don’t want to go weeks without you ever again. I love you – I’m in love with you – and I know that I don’t want anyone else by my side.” He squeezed your fingers in his own. “I want to marry you. And then, we can be together freely with you as my Queen and sword sword.” He then paused, thinking. “We can do that, right?”

You laughed. “You’re the King. You can make your own rules, but …” Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip for a moment as you mulled over his words. “Are you sure you want to marry me?”

“I’ve never been more certain about anything.” He then tapped his chin, feigning curiosity. “Unless you want me to marry Marcille? It would certainly be a loveless marriage, but she can be friendly when she isn’t advising me.”

Shaking you head, you flicked his arm. “Not sure if your sister would appreciate that. Or Marcille, for that matter.” Not even magic could force those two apart. They would love each other until the end of time.

Your eyes narrowed now. “Are you actually proposing to me without a ring, Your Grace?”

The formality made him cringe, but then his face relaxed as he stared up at you, taking in your beauty. You were the most beautiful like this, vulnerable and bare with your hair jutting out at every angle and your lips swollen from kissing him. But he’d reckon you were beautiful in every light. He couldn’t help but also think back to when you found him by Falin’s crystalized form, how it felt to just hold you again after such an egregious fight. Your warmth had seeped into him, reminding him of home. You were home. And that was when he knew, too, that he wanted to be bound to you. 

Laios brought your joined hands to his lips, kissing each of your knuckles. “Once the sun rises, you will get a proper proposal. I’ve always been a man of my word, haven’t I?”

And that he was. Because the moment you stirred awake the next morning, still sleeping in his bed, you opened your eyes to find Laios, King of Golden Kingdom, kneeling at your bedside. He held out a ring to you, eagerly awaiting your response. Once your eyes adjusted to the light and you saw his golden doe eyes, his big grin, you wrapped your arms around his neck. Of course, you said, Yes.

[james-is-here]

hi!!! i absolutely love your writing it's so good! please keep up the good work, i also never really see any kpop boy pussies so i'm hoping you will do this request.

i have a request, what about cock obsessed lee know who can't stand not having reader's cock not pounding his pussy. he gets so needy constantly begging and touching you very different from how he normally acts. so reader in return teases him back and it ends with lee know getting the best fucking of his life. thank you!! 

-🐰🔪

Oooh boy, thank you, after I wrote the other Minho fic, I've been motivated to write more and I am slowly but surely becoming obsessed with whiney, subby Min 🫠Also, the boys have like all the brands I know (except Han's) and I didn't want to repeat so your brand in BrandRacha is Prada :P

Also, let me know if I misinterpreted your request and I can rewrite it, I don't know why but I feel like I did by accident. There's still BoyPuss Min, just not sure if I fulfilled it to your liking.

Blogs: @belladonna6-6-6 @heartbinn @succubus-hansol @leezanetheofficial @yongbokkk @michelle4eve @dontwannaexsist (Imk if I forgot you or you want to be added.

Tags: Min is called good girl so some feminization, desperate Min, implied color system, lots of edging, Min is called princess, good boy, kitten, other members are mentioned, Minnie gets emotional and drops, brief mention of a cervix. lmk if I forgot anything.

When you have free time, it's not just your free time it's yours and Minho's free time and during this free time he flips from his usual self so fast you get whiplash and you're completely thrown off every time.

He's seemingly annoyed that you and Chan hug him but that night he's a complete 180, begging for you to hold him close and let him ride your thigh.

Absolutely killing the stage and being his usual annoyed but loving self and after he's dragging you to an empty room, shoving himself against the door and pulling you in for a kiss while pulling your hand to his crotch and grinding the best he could in his stage pants.

You're wrapping your arms around him from behind on camera or on stage and he's standing there almost begrudgingly but really he's throbbing in his pants and soaking his underwear and when alone his hands are all over you trying to pull you close.

Don't get me wrong, you love how obsessed Minho was with you. You both have equal libido and stamina and it amuses you whenever you see the needy look his eyes. It's just...oof, well, a lot. He does relax but if you had to think, he has you inside him more often then not having you inside him.

Yes, the boys know about you, unfortunately Minho's neediness can be relentless and he said himself before a movie night with the others "I'll behave, please just let me cockwarm" and next thing you knew, Minho was squirming in your lap and Chan scolded both of you before kicking you both from movie night and to your room.

Now, you've been gone for a week for a Prada event and it was really fun to do something on your own from your group but ~someone~ called you at every opportunity the first day you arrived at the location the event was at that you had to send them your schedule so they didn't interrupt anything.

When you arrived at the dorms from the airport, it seemed that no one was home. It was late but most of them usually stay up late. Walking down the hall, you knock lightly on Chan's door before opening it. "Mn!" He looks up from his laptop, taking off his headset and getting up to meet you at the door to pull you into a tight hug, a smile growing on your face as he squeals softly and rocks you back and forth. "Hi Hyung!" Your arms wrap around his shoulders as you return the hug.

He then starts to jokingly cry and pull back, holding your shoulders at arms length. "I have all my kids back!" You let a snort out as he pulled you back into his arms. "Oh, I hope you're never gone that long again." "Hyung, You're sounding like an obsessed boyfriend." "No, I'm your desperate hyung, go take care of your boyfriend please."

You laugh as he all but begs you, turning you around and pushing you towards Minho's room. "I'm so jet lagged though, can I wait until tomorrow when I'm more awake?" "No, now, please, go." You shake your head and lightly kick your bag to roll over to your door before smiling at Chan. "Not a very good welcome home, you're all settled for the night." "I think Hyunjin is still awake painting." You turn in the opposite direction to go say hi to the dancer. "Jinnie." You cheer softly but Chan grabs your wrist. "Hyung..." You pout and he pushes you back over to Minho's room. "Boyfriend first, Jinnie later." Groaning you playfully shove him before going to your boyfriend.

You open his door, not even deciding to knock, and find your boyfriend in your hoodie and his sweats, laying in his stomach with one leg extended and the other thrown over his mangled blankets. He's hugging his pillow but looking again, the pillow case doesn't match his and you realize it's your pillow.

There's enough room next to him on his left so you gently crash next to him, throwing an arm over his back and pulling him, causing him to roll onto his side and into your chest. His hand falls open and something slides out, picking it up, it's a remote. You chuckle before placing it to the side and reaching down, placing your hand on his abdomen.

Tugging his hoodie, you slip your hand underneath, his skin warm under your cold hands and he whines in his sleep. Moving down, you slip into his sweats and you were honestly expecting his boxer shorts but instead you felt lace. Tracing the delicate details, you follow them until his hip, gently taking the band between your fingers then sliding further down until your fingers are near his core. "Min~" You groan quietly and remove your hand, pulling him closer until his ass is pushed into you.

Reaching up, you grab the remote, wrapping your arms around him before pressing the button for the second setting. His body jolts and pushes back into you as he gasps, breathing heavily. You can faintly see purple in the dark room of the remote and you smile softly when you process what toy is nestled inside him, the only one he has access to, not too long but not to short and no stimulation to his clit. It was the worse one to be left with but hey, you love torturing him.

Moving the remote to the other hand, you reach back into his sweats, dragging your fingertips over the lace of his underwear then grab his thigh, carefully lifting his leg and shifting onto your back slightly so he's laying back on you.

Your hand cups his heat, causing him to choke out a gasp as his chest heaves faster and his hips start to squirm. Raising the speed, your fingers find his clit through the fabric, making tight, quick circles that pull quiet moans out of him as he parts his lips and leans his head back on your shoulder.

"Minnie~" You murmur quietly, moving the fabric to the side and touching him directly. He is soaking wet, dripping around the toy and all over your fingers. "Minnie, Princess~" His breathing picks up, chest rising and falling rapidly and as his hips squirm and push back into you and your hand. You draw a few more rapid circles before withdrawing from him completely and turning off the toy.

He lets out a choked sob, hips still moving wildly as he tries to chase his high before eventually settling down with a whine and turning his head towards you, opening his eyes and blinking away his tiredness. "Hyung..." He pouts and you kiss it away. "Hi Princess." "Please~" "How about...no."

You turn the toy on again, resting your hand above his core and holding him against you. "How about I finally get back at you being a slutty brat, huh?" "I-I'm not a brat." "Mmm, but you are, Princess, don't lie." "M'Not, fuck~" You add your fingers back into the mix, playing with his clit. "Did you really think I wouldn't get back at you for being rude to the boys?" "I-I wasn't...I'm not-" "We just want to love you, Minnie, why you gotta hate us?" He whines and shakes his head. "N-No, that's not..."

You turn off the toy again and remove your hands from him. "No, Hyung, please stop." "You want me to stop? I'll stop if that's what you want." You move slightly, making it look like you're gonna leave the bed before he turns towards you, eyes brimming with tears as he grabs your wrist. "Don't go, please, please just fill me up please, I want your cock so bad, please." "I don't know if you deserve it, Minho. You should appreciate our love."

He gasps, sitting up and pushing you onto your back before straddling your thighs. "I-I do, I really do. I swear I appreciate all of you, I love all of you." "I don't know, Min." Your left hand, extended out on the other side of the bed, you click the second setting and he squeals with a gasp, hip jolting on your thighs before you place your hands on his hip to hold him still as his upper half falls forward and his hands prop himself up on your stomach.

His moans are breathy gasps as he tries to move his hips. "How about four more?" "Four?!" Tears fall down his cheeks as his fingers tighten around your shirt and his nails dig into your skin, not painful thanks to the shirt barrier but a light sting. "No...No, please, I'm sorry. I-I do a-appreciate you all, I d-do show it, I-I'm not a liar, Hyung, please..."

You know he does, he's not that cruel but it amuses you how he teases the boys and shows distain for their affection but then 180s with you and always tries to get your cock in him.

"Four more, for the last four boys." "No, please, I'm sorry." He cries and leans down until his face is hidden in your neck, tears falling onto your skin. "This is how you'll make up for it, yeah?" "No, please...M'sorry, Hyung, please..." "I said four didn't I? You don't know what I'll do for you to make it up to me." He doesn't have to make it up to you, you know the truth, but again, you love torturing him.

"Four more times then I'll tell you what I want." He whines when you finally shut the toy off, hip shaking in your hold. "Three, my bad. Or I could start over and you could do seven and tell me what each member means to you while trying not to cum." "No! Fuck, please, I-I can't take it."

Okay, you weren't that cruel...maybe another time.

"Four more, kitten." Turning it to the fourth level this time, he jolts, slowly trying to slide his hips further up to meet your crotch but you kept him in place. He harshly tugs at your shirt with a whine. "Off, please, off." "Don't move. You move, we start back at three." He nods, his hands moving to your waistband as you sit up slightly and remove your shirt. You could barely drop it to the floor when he pushes you back by your shoulders and his hands are rubbing your chest, his nails are scratching lightly against your toned stomach, their moving to hold your waist, they're everywhere.

"Stop." "What?" He whines and brings your hands back to his hips. "I-I'm gonna cum, stop." You smile gently and stop the vibrator. "Aw, thanks for telling me, such a good girl taking her punishment." You praise, lifting a hand to cradle his face and he leans into it, your thumb wiping away his tears and you pull him down, attaching you lips to his firmly and finally kissing him since you've returned home.

His hands cradle your face, kissing back just as hard before pulling back and moving to the crook of your neck again. "T-Two more...Please." "Being such a good girl, Minnie." Before turning it back on, you tug his waistband. "Take these off, Kitten." He gets off you, quickly taking the clothing off and tossing them away before getting back on your lap. He was wearing a pair of black lace panties you bought for him. "So pretty." You murmur softly, placing your hands on his waist before turning the toy on again.

You grip his waist slightly, pulling him down to sit on your thighs properly then sliding your hand down so your thumb is just above where his clit is. His stomach twist and he whines, his heat throbbing painfully and he wishes you would just move your thumb just an inch to relieve some of the pain but he knows it's wishful thinking, you know his body, know that if you did, he'd cum instantly. You're teasing him, driving him crazy and he tries to think of anything but your thumb near where he needs to be touched.

You bumped it to four and his hips jolt forward, your thumb nudging his clit slightly and he barely gets out his words. "Shit- S-Stop, stop." You turn it off and Minho shakes above you. "Fuck, it's hurts. Hyung please." "You can do one more, Kitten. I know you can." "I-It's too much, I- I can't-" His hips squirm subconsciously and you move your hand away slightly. "I know you can, it's okay."

He drops his head, his left hand holding himself up on your stomach and his right on the bed. "Min?" He hums, sniffing softly. "Min, color." "Green...i-it's green, m'sorry." "No, No, it's okay. Can you take one more?" "Yeah, I can...I can." "You sure?" "Yeah. S'punishment." "But if you can't take it, we stop." "I-I want to." His fingertips lightly graze over your abdomen. "Can..." "Can what darling?" "C-Can I touch you?" His fingers curl into your waist band and a soft smile graces your lips. "Yeah, you've been such a good boy, you could've touched me a while ago."

He tugs down your waistbands down just enough to wrap his hand around your length and pull it out from its confinement. "One more, hyung." "Okay." You turn it on one more time, pulling a whine from him as his hands are placed on your pelvis around your length. His head tilts back slightly before rolling back down and taking you into his hand.

He strokes you lazily but just enough to send sparks up your spine, making you groan. Minho whines softly, his hips stuttering with trying not to move and your heart melts. "Ride my thigh, baby." He shakes his head, picking it up and looking up at you. "N-No, one more, I-I can do it." "Min, it's okay." "S-Stop it, Stop the-" His legs shake as he gets closer and closer but you don't stop the vibrator and he takes it from your hand and turns it off, hips jolting forward as he settles from his last denied orgasm.

"Min, I was letting you cum. You didn't have to follow the punishment anymore." "B-But I-I'm a b-brat a-and I-I don't show that I a-appreciate the others..." "Oh, Min..."

Sitting up, you pull him into your arms and turn around, laying him on his back before his hands are on your chest as you pull your sweats back up. "Wait, Hyung-" "No, Min, what color?" "Green, Hyung, please. I-I have to-" "Truth, Min, What color?" You say firmly. "Hyung..." "Minho." You push, using his name and he stops and covers his face.

He's silent for a couple seconds before his body shakes and a choked cry gets caught in his throat. "Minnie..." "I-I d-do....I do apprec-iate a-all of you...I-I l-ove a-all o-of y-you, 'm s-sorry I-I d-don't sh-show it..." He gets out through his sobs. "Y-Yellow, 'M s-sorry, H-Hyung, 'm so s-sorry." You mentally slap yourself and lay down next to him, pulling him into your arms and hugging him close and tight. "No, Minnie, I'm sorry. I know you love them, I know you care about them, I should be the one apologizing, baby, I'm so sorry." You bury your face into his neck and hold him close both for your sake and his.

You feel so bad for causing his drop, of course you know that his coldness is just an act, you were just meaning to tease him. "Hyung is sorry, Minnie. I'm so so sorry." You kiss his cheek and lean back to look down at him, cupping his face with one hand and wiping his tears away. "I'm sorry for going to far." He sniffs, taking shaky deep breaths before leaning his forehead on yours. "Minnie?" "Hyung?" "You back with me?" "Y-Yeah." "You know when you dropped?" "L-Last I-I remember...w-was asking t-to touch you..." You sigh, bringing him back into your arms and tucking him under your chin.

"C'mon, let me clean you up." "W-Wait, but..." "Min, you just dropped, darling, I don't think it's best to keep going." "I-I said yellow...not red...I-I still r-really what your cock in me...this toy is dumb..." "Min..." "Please?" "Only if you promise that when we're done, I coddle you and give you the softest of aftercare and not just laying in bed after." "It's the middle of the night..." "Okay, fine, I'll just use a rag but let me make it up to you tomorrow?" "Sure."

You kiss him softly, like he was glass, before pulling back. "I really didn't have any way for you to make it up to me, I was just gonna fuck you and make you cum so it was more of a reward for you." "Is it still a reward?" "Of course but, now, you choose the position." "Any that let me look at and hold you." You laugh and gently pull him back onto your lap.

Carefully, you move the fabric covering him out of the way and slowly pull the toy out of him. "Shit." He pushes out with a heavy breath as you gently squeeze his hip. "Fuck...s'empty..." "Hold on, won't be for long." You set it aside and hold his other hip as he pulls down your waistband out of the way for you and pulls out your cock. Dragging him forward slightly, he wraps his arm around your neck as he lines you up with his entrance before sinking down. "Ah~ Fuck." His head drops down as his hand moves up a bit and he hovers over his clit. "Touch yourself, Kitten, go ahead."

His fingers instantly circle the bundle of nerves and his head falls onto your shoulder, his thighs moving automatically to ride you and you wrap your arms around his back to take control, thrusting up into him causing wet sounds to occur every time you thrust in and out of his soaked cunt.

"Fuck~ Right there." You thrust into that spot inside him quickly and you draw continuous moans out of him with every hit with your tip. "Move you fingers faster, baby." His fingers rub faster, drawing him closer to his continuously lost high.

"Open." He lifts his head and parts his lips, letting you put your thumb into his mouth and he closes around the digit. His tongue swirls around your thumb before you remove it and bring it down, glancing down to move his hand out of the way before looking back up at him and replace his fingers with your thumb. "Oh fuck~" His legs move again and bounce inconsistently, meeting your hips every couple bounces.

Your thrusts pick up speed along with your thumb and you throw your head back, groaning as your own high approached, then look back at him. "Fuck, Hyung, m'gonna cum, shit~ Ah~" He moans softly, his hips bucking forward and your thumb becomes firm against his clit. "Me too, Minnie. Go ahead, Kitten, you took my teasing so well, such a good boy, let go baby." Your thrusts go impossibly faster, at least to Minho, and he clenches around your length so tight you unexpectedly stop with a stutter, your thumb keeping its momentum as your sunk deep inside him.

"Fuck, Fu- Hyung, don't stop, don't- Ah Shit!" His moan drags from the back of his throat, morphing into a soft squeal as his walls flutter around you and he tightens around you even tighter, his hand flying to your wrist as he rocks his hips into your hand. "Fuck, Min." His tightness, the slickness, and his absolutely lewd sounds cause you to cum deep inside him shortly after, thrusting so shallowly and deeply it's as if he could feel you fuck your cum into his cervix.

"F-Fuck...s'deep, Ah~" His hips rock against yours before he's pulling your hand away and his thighs shake. He pushes your shoulders to push you back slightly before falling onto your chest and your slip out of him. You hiss and he moans, leaning his forehead on your peck as his muscle contract and he's too weak to stop your cum from dripping out of him. "Shit." He mutters quietly and grabs the toy from before and slowly inserts it into him as a temporary plug despite the multiple drips already staining your sweats.

Laying back on your chest, he wraps his arms around you. "Can we just stay here?" "We're all yucky though." "So? That's never stopped us from cleaning up later." You sigh, both having no energy and your jet lag catching up to you. "I'm only agreeing..." You struggle but manage to kick your sweats off then cover the both of you up. "...because I think my jet lag is catching up to me and I'm tired." "Good, sleep now."

He kisses your chest where he lays and you kiss the top of his head, closing your eyes and promptly passing out.

[mandiemegatron]

Why kill off the reader in the second part of losing the war? I was expecting Kidd or Killer to get hurt or something but killing the reader? Tell us you don't care about your readers without telling us you don't care about your readers. Who the fuck kills off the READER? Take the L and maybe stop acting like your writing is better than it actually is.

*deep breath*

Okay.

I've received a handful of anons similar to this one and I didn't think I'd have to come on here to break down my ideas and give reasons as to why I wrote something the way I did, but clearly some people are pretty pressed over my choices for Just Come Home. Everything under the readmore so I don't clog up people's dash.

Let's break this down one point at a time. So firstly, my choice to kill off the Reader was actually a last-minute decision while finishing it off. My original idea was reader never forgives Kid and decides to fight Kid and Killer instead, losing and being left for dead (for Law to find), but decided, why not even more hurt? More pain and more anguish, as I was asked to put Kid through via some askers/anons. I found the best way to do that, was to kill off the reader. Have them make amends only to have that ripped from Kids hands and destroyed with a simple flick of the wrist, and honestly, the fact that I had myself in tears while writing it gave me the motivation to continue with that idea.

I also wanted to delve into trying my hand at Law who felt backed into a wall and decided to spill blood, all for the sake of having an upper hand, and if that meant he had to off the reader to keep that upper hand, then so be it. I wanted to write something different from my usual angst, something a little more devastating and I feel like I hit that mark pretty damn close. Truly, I'm sorry you feel differently about it.

Secondly, don't you EVER come into my inbox and point fingers, saying I don't care about my readers. Buddy, I probably care TOO MUCH about my readers, about what they think and about how they feel when reading my writing. This is incredibly hurtful for you to come up here and essentially scream in my face that this isn't good enough. I need you to understand that if you dont enjoy something, that means it wasn't written for YOU. Not everything you come across is going to be to your taste and it's insanely self-centered and entitled of you to come in here and tell me I don't give a fuck about my readers because YOU thought it was stupid. It feels like you're taking this a little personally and I don't understand why.

Lastly, i don't sit here and brag about my writing. In fact, I feel like I stay pretty quiet other than some self reblogs of things I've written when I'm feeling that certain blorbo. It's confusing and again, hurtful, for you to come in here and essentially tell me to shut the fuck up... on my own blog. That's some strange activities there, buddy. I think you maybe need to log off for a bit, go sit in nature and do some deep breathing because this is crossing the line over to chronically online. Please go outside for a bit. Please revise your manners and remember the golden rule. You don't have to be religious for you to understand "treat others the way you want to be treated".

Do better.

[judesmoonbeauty]

Fairytale Final Assessment 1st Anniversary SE: Jude Jazza's Epilogue ཐིཋྀ

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do NOT post my translations elsewhere.

CW: Brief mention of castration. Translation notes are marked with *** Alternate translation is marked with/// Hour Glass Banners Credit: @/natimiles ཐིཋྀ

Kate, your work has reached my ears. Thank you as always.

Therefore, I would like you to evaluate one thing.

I wonder if Jude, who is cursed, is worthy of the Crown.

After reading the letter from Her Majesty several times, I finally understood. 

Just the other day, Jude and I were engaged in a battle over the Fairytale Keeper Continuation Agreement.

(Does that mean I'm going to assess Jude this time?)

(You're giving me the opportunity to make a fair judgment. Her Majesty is indeed very open-minded.)

(If it's an assignment, I have to face Jude properly and submit a report!)

There is no mention in the text that the person should be kept in the dark.

I mean, the quickest way to do that is to ask Jude himself about it, and his intentions to stay at Crown.

Jude: I don't know anything about that. When you ask someone for something, shouldn’t you pay them for the information?

(I can't for the life of me believe that he will tell me honestly….)

(Come to think of it, I never asked Jude in depth why he was at Crown.)

It’s said that he dared to sign a contract with Crown when Victor suspiciously approached him with a tearful face, I’m sure…. I’m not wrong that it was to get information you need.

(I guess I have no choice but to observe Jude...)

Ellis: Your brow’s wrinkled. Thinking?

Kate: Oh, Ellis. 

Kate: Just in time! Do you know where Jude is today?

Ellis: It seems like Jude went on a mission after showing up at work. What's wrong?

Kate: Actually...

When I explained the reason, Ellis smiled.

Ellis: I'm joining Jude after this, so let’s go together.

Ellis led us to a pub with a suspicious atmosphere even though it was daytime.

There, Jude was in the middle of a cruel and merciless judgment.

Jude: Oy, no runnin’ away. The story is your usin’ illegal sleeping pills, messin’ ‘round with girls, and sellin’ ‘em off.

Scoundrels: Guh….!

Ellis: Kate , if bottles start flying, it won’t be safe, so stay here and hide.

Ellis: I’ll be there.

Kate: Ah, yes! Ellis, be careful not to get hurt too.

Ellis: Jude, here you go.

Jude: Tsk, what’re ya waitin’ for?

Ellis: I'm sorry. I'll try a little harder to make up for my tardiness.

I watch Jude and Ellis fight together from the shadows.

Liquor bottles and people lightly fly through the air, and the sound of blows rings out.

(Hmmm...this is what it means to scream.)

(This is supposed to be a Crown assignment.)

Jude does not follow the orders of others unconditionally unless the conditions are acceptable.

Therefore, there must be a reason why Jude accepted this mission.

In the meantime, everyone had fallen to the ground.

Jude: What, ya think I'm gonna kill ya? I’m not gonna to kill ya.

Jude: There's a coal mine at the far end of the country, and I thought it’d be fun doin’ manual labor there.

Scoundrels: ……. A coal mine?

Jude: Before you go to a cold, dark, and fun place, I'll give you a present.

Jude: Ellis, take ‘em to the black market surgeon later. Hand ‘em all over to be castrated.

Ellis: Yeah, okay. If it makes you happy, Jude.

As the thugs screamed in despair, Jude put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it.

Jude: The prevalence of inferior products is proof that the drugs weren’t distributed sufficiently.

Jude: ……Guess we’ll just have to handle it ourselves.

Jude's company eliminates the value of inferior products by distributing the correct products.

(That’s how Jude tries to eliminate evil at its source.)

Thanks to all the time I've spent, I had unintentionally come to understand Jude's way of doing things.

(The method may be as radical as ever.)

(But, there are somethings you can not protect with a straightforward approach. That’s why…)

Kate: Jude is absolutely essential to Crown…..

Jude: So, how long are you going to be sneaking around in there?

Kate: ….ah.

I was thrown onto a bed in a room at the back of the pub, and his hands restrained me while lying down.

Jude: You’re a real bad princess for peeping without permission. 

Jude: So, what are you up to now?

Kate: That’s…..

Jude: I could torture ya and make ya spit it out. You're a pervert who expects to be tortured, aren't ya?

I could smell the scent of sandalwood wafting from Jude, and my body temperature seemed to rise once.

Jude: Ha. Why’re ya lookin’ so hopeful? Ya really are a pervert who likes things that feel good.

Kate: T-that's wrong! Actually- 

Jude: Hmmm, reverse assessment.

Jude: That's just like that woman who loves fairness. ***

Jude: So, ya followed me ‘round to review me. You've come a long way.

Kate: As for following you around without telling you, I'm sorry.

Kate: But thanks to that, I was able to reaffirm what’s important to me.

Jude: What?

Kate: You are definitely suited for the Crown.

Jude: Ha. Who d’ya think ya are?

Kate: I’m a fairytale keeper. Hehe, I think I can write a good report with this.

Kate: I'll write it perfectly, so you can rest assured, Jude. Well then, I'm -

Jude: Why’re ya tryin’ to go home? There's no way ya could just spy on me and go for free.

Kate: Eh.

Jude: There's another matter to tend to.

Jude: I just need a decoy. You love hide-and-seek, don't ya?

Kate: A decoy!?

Jude: Poor thing. Ya wanna go home, but can’t. Pay the price for sneaking without permission.

Kate: Oh, come on….!

Jude: Those defiant eyes are so temptin’.

Amethyst eyes looked down at me cruelly becoming distorted.

Kate: In the report, you know I can write down all of your actions, Jude.

Jude: Write, write. However…

Jude leaned forward and looked into my face.

Jude: You...wouldn't you be lonely without me?***

Kate: …….

Kate: That’s not true….!

Jude: Huh. What are ya upset ‘bout?

[Master List]

***白々しい This appears to be a nuance: Jude’s being insincere about the Queen’s apparent fairness. It can be rendered white-wash, insincere, bare-faced (lie), shameless, but I felt that this was used just to explain his insincerity or doubtfulness in the Queen. ***Just to clarify, Kate is essentially threatening that what she writes in her report about Jude can cause his dismissal from Crown. So, that's why he tells her to write it, but.....she'll miss him, won't she?

[halfmoth-halfman]

Leaving this blog.

With my mini-series finishing up soon, I've decided to leave this blog as well as my AO3 account once it’s finished. This is not a decision I've made lightly, but circumstances have left this a place where I no longer feel safe.

As of now, I won't be deactivating this blog and will be leaving my fics up for anyone who'd still like to read them. I can't say this decision won't change later, but right now I feel that I've put too much work into this blog to simple delete it.

Below the cut is an explanation of why I'm making this decision, and what has been happening on this blog since the end of last year. It's not required to read or anything to understand the gist of this post; it's simply for my own peace of mind knowing that I spoke up about it. There will be topics that are possibly triggering such as harassment, threats, and racism so please mind the warnings and tags.

The mini-series is queued to finish next week, but there will be no more fic polls or wip wednesdays. I'll still be on here to make sure the queue does its job, and maybe post some stuff from my old drafts as a last bit of fun.

I'll have dms tentatively open for the next two-ish weeks for those who'd like to follow my new account, however I will not be answering anything from empty blogs. After that, asks and dms will be turned off, and I won't be coming back to this blog very often, if at all.

I cannot say thank you enough to the wonderful readers I've had and the amazing people I've met. I don't think I would've ever continued writing without your support and friendship. There's nothing I can do to show my appreciation for all of you.

Maybe we'll see each other again. If not, I hope your inspiration is always flowing, and 2024 treats you kindly.

Mothie 💜

Again, TW: rape/death threats, violent racism, repeated harassment, and mental health.

Back in November, I started getting rude, mean-spirited anons. It wasn't anything I was too bothered with because it didn't happen often and, honestly, my inbox gets flooded for a week or so anytime I post about certain topics. I blocked, deleted, reported and moved on thinking whoever it was would get bored and leave.

However, what started as a few rude anons calling me a bitch or stupid turned into a lot of anons being vile and racist which only worsened over the next few months.

I spoke about it in this post (link) near the end of November. In that post, I mentioned that those were the nicer asks and that was not an exaggeration. I have gotten my fair share of shitty anons as seen here (link) when I had to take a break from my blog because of said anons, but I have never gotten the amount of vitriol that I saw in these asks.

When I turned anon off, I started getting even worse messages from empty blogs that would either be blocked or deactivate within a week. When I turned my askbox off, I started getting hateful DMs. When I turned DMs off, it jumped from Tumblr to my other social medias which I had to private, completely avoid, or outright delete.

I got messages attacking my writing, calling me slurs, threatening to find me and rape or kill me, sending me explicit porn and rape videos while insulting my sexuality, and going into gross detail about how much people I interacted with hated me or how I would never be as good as them. I tried to power through it, pretending everything was fine while I pulled away from this blog, from writing, from friends that I loved and talked to every day. Everything about this blog, the fandoms I enjoyed, the people I talked to, made me so anxious because of these constant messages.

I took several breaks while dealing with this in therapy, repeatedly trying to come back and get comfortable on this blog, but within a few days of coming back the messages would start up again, either here or on any of my social medias I tried to unprivate, and I couldn't deal with it.

Only in the last week or two has it started to slow down and stop on a few of my other socials, which is the only reason I even feel comfortable making this post. However, in regards to this blog and my feelings toward it, the damage is done.

I don't think I can ever truly convey how isolating this has been. So many of these messages were about how I've spoken about my struggles as a black woman in fandom, how much of a burden it puts on the people who interact with me, how inferior I am to them and that I am everything that's wrong with fandom.

I felt scared and anxious to talk to anyone about this, especially people mentioned in those messages, out of fear that this harassment would jump to them. There are friendships that I stepped away from that I will never get back because of that. There are friends that I've felt like I was betraying by never telling them about what was happening because I felt too ashamed about letting this get to me.

I constantly worried that making a post like this would feel like, "Oh, Mothie's whining and trauma-dumping into the void about fandom racism again", that those messages would be right and it would force people to feel like they had to support me. Or worse, that people would agree and it would only make things worse. I've wrestled with so much guilt trying to decide to make this post and figure out what to do to make me trust myself again.

Ultimately, I don't think I was wrong for talking about my issues in fandom, and I don't think anything I've said has warranted this kind of harassment. I don’t know the who’s or why’s behind of this, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never really know. Truthfully, I'm not sure it even matters at this point. In the end, I think moving on from this blog entirely would be the best thing for me right now.

But, man, does it fucking suck.

This was the blog where I felt comfortable enough to start writing again, to start posting my fics. It's the blog where I met so many friends, got the courage to join new communities, found new hobbies, new music, new things to enjoy in life. It feels silly to say about a blog, but this was a place where I felt like I was able to carve out a space for myself. I put so much work into making it my own, and now the only thing I feel about it is anxious.

Hate messages and threats and racism have always been a part of fandom, and the internet as a whole. I’ve known since I started participating in fandom spaces that it was going to and continue to happen. I've known that I had to have a tough skin, especially if I ever spoke up about problems I faced because no one was going to have my back if I didn't have my own. I thought I had learned how to deal with it, and how to make a safe space for myself. But this goes beyond that. I did not deserve this. No one deserves this.

In some ways, it feels like admitting defeat, like I'm weak or hypocritical for not being as strong as I pretended I was and leaving. In other ways, it feels freeing to start over, and I'm choosing to view look at this optimistically even if it bittersweet. I don't want to let this scare me away from writing or from speaking about things that are important to me. All I can do now is say I'm so incredibly sorry to those I've hurt by stepping away or keeping this secret, and make sure I'm able to at least leave this blog on as happy a note as I can have.

[willowmosby]

I have over the last 5 months watched all 15 seasons and the immortality special of the original CSI. I have no plans to watch the reboot anytime soon so I thought I would info dump my thoughts, and if love to know how others feel. I will now present a very very long post with breakdown some quick thoughts on the seasons, more thoughts on most of the characters and a few ships.

Tldr: I really enjoyed CSI as a whole and I'm sad to say goodbye to a formula and some characters I've really grown attached to. ( And If there is a good Nick Stokes written into immortality fic please lmk)

Seasons:

I do think the early seasons the most fun/ light hearted, which feels weird to say when it literally opens with Sara investigating Warrick for negligence. I kinda wish I had blogged along or something so I could be more detailed in my response about them.

Like a lot of shows I think it really hit its stride in the middle seasons. If I had to pick a few seasons to watch it be 5-7. It also helps that I had finally gotten used to the lighting.

I think the 9- 11 stretch is too serious, don't get me wrong there were some bangers but overall not great

12-15 they were better and back to a little more fun, and I think the series kept its footing pretty well in its final innings. It was no golden era and I felt really bad that Catherine got demoted but I really enjoyed it. ( Well ok I really wasn' a gig harbor arc fan)

Immortality was a fine special, although I don't really feel like it stuck the landing. Part of that will probably become obvious when I talk about my character and ship takes but I also just felt the case could have been better. It's the freshest in mind, obviously, so I will say I really loved having Catherine and Grissom back and if anything I felt like it gave good closure for them and to a lesser extent Sara.

Characters( kinda in the order of their exit):

The lab rats: Bobby, Mandy, Archie icons every one of them. There is a world where Wendy, Hodges and Henry get their own sections but I feel like they would appreciate being in this group. Never pushed into too much melodrama their characterization, always great at their jobs. I would love to grab drinks with any of them

The cops: Brass will get his own sections but to summarize my feelings on all the others. They did their job and I love that for them. They almost never overstayed their welcome but they also aren't the reason I'm watching this show. The only two I would want to get drinks with are the should have been lesbian Sofia Curtis ( she almost got her own section but then i got lazy) and the best uniform in the business, the man, the myth, my man officer Mitchell.

Warrick Brown: My smooth talking gambling king. He was definitely missed after his death. While I didn't love his characterization in the greda Arc, I usually really enjoyed his dynamic with the team and his drive to the job. His death was the closest I came to stopping my watching. His skills with kids are underrated ( probably cause Nick and Catherine are so good) and I do have a say on top of all his intelligence and skills at the job he is so handsome. I think he might go a little too hard for me to enjoy getting drinks with him but I would still do it.

Gill Grissom: My second favorite Dr. Bug ( sorry no one can beat Jack Hodgins) he really is the smartest person on the show. You can always feel his passion for science which is lovely. While sometimes out of touch or oblivious he is usually incredibly kind. I liked his tie to the deaf community. You can pull the fact that he is Demi from my cold dead hands. In a lot of the ways he was the heart of the show and it definitely shows when he left. His relationships with Catherine, Warick, Nick and of course Sara were well developed. I would kill to get a drink with him just to listen to him talk science.

Riley Adams: she gets a section as it is rude for me to not mention a character who was in the credits but she's fucking white bread milk toast. Would not bother getting drinks.

Raymond Langston: I love his relationship with Robbins and I think he's incredibly smart. But I just think the show gave him way way too much too quickly. I mean just compare it to the fucking effort Greg put in to reach CSI or that as new CSI 3 there was a long stretch where Nick didn't get his own cases. I appreciated his complex background but he brought with him the Haskell arc which was just too fucking long and serious. I would get a singular glass of wine with him.

Catherine Willows: What a girl boss. And I mean that is all the best and worst ways. I really love her at her best but man some of her lows are just.. no fun. She is absolutely vital to the show's success and 9/10 times she is out there taking no prisoners and careing for her team. Just you know wish she hadn't shown her daughter a dead body or faked a crime scene with a new guy to name some examples. She could drink me under the table no doubt.

Jim Brass: While never my favorite character I always appreciate seeing him on my screen. Competent enough to hang with the scientist and still be a good cop. I appreciated how dedicated he was to his daughter but Just not personally my vibes. I would get a drink with him but uhh maybe make it non alcoholic cause it's unclear if he needs sobriety help.

Julie Finlay: She's sweet and very very good at her job. If she had come earlier on she might be one of my favorites just my top 3 was already filled. She brings a good balance back to the team, and she has a weird level of breaking and respecting the rules that I enjoyed. She very quickly had such a good dynamic with all the returning favs that there are moments I forgot she was so new. She's got big Bi & Poly energy. I know the actress wasn't coming back but I would've paid to see her interact with Grissom. Sad that she died off screen but also kinda glad they didn't end 15 with her completely dead. I would absolutely get drinks with her, probably mimosas despite my dislike for them.

Morgan Brody: eh shes fine. I feel like despite everything she still comes off as naive. I love her relationship with Eklie and Hodges but overall she left something to be desired. Nothing that I super disliked but I do kinda wish some of her screen time went to Sara or someone else.

D.B Russell: he was honestly a breath of fresh air, well until he wasn't. I think I just love Ted Dansion for one but also I felt like Russell was a beautiful balance between caring and professional. It was nice to have a supervisor who was actually kinda good at politics. I love that he actually cares for his kids and loves his wife ( although I was informed by my mother that he is divorced in Cyber). I do kinda wish the kept the bit where he laid on the ground as a body but mostly cause I found it way funnier than it is. I really hated the gig harbor killer arc and I felt like a large reason is it made him too serious. I would get a drink with him, but honestly I'd love to have a full meal with his family

Super Dave: what a lovable but weird dude. Genuinely a great example of how you can blend strange comments with kindness and consistency to create a great character. I would love to grab a drink with him.

Doc Robbins: What an honest man and in the running for the best M.E ( up there with Ducky and Cam). I'm glad he mostly stayed out of the drama and appreciated that he was always thorough, even when people were occasionally questioning his own work. Not kind to a fault but definitely empathetic. I would 100% grab a drink with him.

Now to the top 3, the best of the best, the ones who were in for the long haul.

Nick Stokes: Whether it's the sweet Texas accent and big bown eyes or the fact that he's the longest running main cast member I do think he is my favorite. Empathetic and kind, almost to a fault, he is also a man's man who can hold his own against the worst criminals. The show put him through the absolute fucking ringer but he still leaves with a smile on his face. Even when he clashes with other characters I feel like he resolves the problems better than other people. He definitely could have benefited from good therapy but I still love him anyway. His skills with kids are so nice and grounded in his backstory. Loved that he became the new big guy. Occasionally they try and paint him as a bit of a player but given he sleeps with like 2 women over 15 seasons it doesn't super add up. This is definitely the queer in me talking but he gives huge repressed Gay energy. Like a lot of his early arc is about graining confidence in himself. Not to mention,his relationship with Warrick and Greg are so filled with undertones and honestly let that man get fucked and some of his problems might go away. Anyway. So I guess more power to the actor for not coming back for even a cameo but I really really felt the lack of him in immortality. So If anyone knows a fanfic where he's there lmk I would read that shit in a heartbeat. Would get drinks with him, would die for him.

Greg Sanders: I love rave going lab rat Greg. I love the new CSI trying to prove himself to Greg. I love mob history author Greg. I mean he's got to be one of the most intelligent characters on the show- he's good at science and history- and it never makes him come off as rude or entitled. I think his shift from lab rat to CSI, whether intentional or accidental, is well built. He is criminally oh I mean so so so criminally underutilized in immortality. I dislike when he's angry and there are certainly episodes where he feels off but overall he's just so lovable. Disgusting hair choices but hey at least that was a consistent trait. His relationship with Nick and Sara throughout the whole show are really great and after 15 seasons they really do feel like they've been a team for 15 years. He gives Huge Bi energy so I would take him to a gay club for drinks and dancing.

Sara Sidle: You can call her a problematic fav all you want but she's a bad bitch and everyone should love her. She is so great at her job and she never lacks humanity. The show kinda lost track of her exact backstory at some point but I don't care too too much as she stays strong willed and passionate the whole show. Her will to never quit and iconic smirks will stay winning forever. I have thoughts on her relationship with Grissom but bottom line she knew what she wanted and got it. Her friendship with all the main cast, particularly Greg and Nick, is really lovely and shows how she has grown and changed over 15 seasons. Because I actually care about continuity I would not get an actual alcoholic drink with her but non alcoholic drinks aplenty would be had if I could meet her.

Ships:

Listen I don't have a real finger on the pulse of what ships are popular as this show finished airing 10 years ago and I was trying to not be super spoiled.

That being said

GSR: I'm not super into Grissom/ Sara ( side note I know the Internet was a different place 20 years ago but who picked GSR as their ship tag), but I'm also not against it. I think they have a big "match my freak" energy which is nice but. I don't know I just feel like by the end of it Sara could do better. Like she gave up the lab director for the guy who asked her for a divorce. I still think it's better than some other options just you know not like my otp. 8/10

Catherine/ Warrick: I think that the flirting was all fun and games and then if became too much. Let's be honest neither of them are built for committed relationships. Probably would have been better then whatever the fuck was happening with Warrick and Tina. 5/10

Catherine/ Vartann: its canonical and like they were fine I didn't hate it didn't love it. Probably better for Catherine in the long term than any other of her potential ships 6/10

Nick/ Greg: idk if this is super popular but it's my otp for the show. They seem like they bring out the best in each other. Nicks more clean cut natural could balance out the more chaotic ature of greg. Obviously with the era the show was made in I don't think that there tension was intentional but it's still there. From the name that chemical compound game to working together until the end of really think they would be great. 11/10

Nick/ Warrick: I had to mention for the just two dudes who have homoerotic tension energy but ehh Warrick dose really read straight to me in every other context. 3/10

Wendy/ Hodges: ehh they give straight white couple who should have just talked about their feelings. 4/10

Hodges/ Henry: is this a real ship? idk man, But it's an friends to enemies to lovers I would love to read. 6/10

Morgan/ Greg: ok part of this is the my ship bias( see above) but I did not like them together. Their flirting is not good, his anger at her kidnapping too extreme, idk I Just really feels like they operate in different levels. 0/10

Morgan/ Hodges: I actually thought this was really sweet and was super said they went with the parents dating thing. I think they understood each other on a really fun level and that they brought out the best in each other. I loved how supportive they were of each other even in seemingly poor decisions. 8/10

Finn/ D.B: I would assume that this is the popular het ship for the them but uhh D.B is so happily married and Finn ( much like Warrick and Catherine) doesn't really give monogamous relationship. 0/10

Finn/ Sara: 100% queer women projection but uhh just imagine post divorce Sara figuring out her identity with Finn and they try friends with benefits but then need more. 6/10

If you made it this far thanks so much for reading and id love to hear others thoughts as I do a deep dive into this show. I Will be reading plenty of fanfiction and may start CSI: NY to appease the new hole in my heart.

[archiveikemen]

Elbert Greetia Main Story: Preview

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes. Not proofread.

read this before interacting with my posts

My evil is — a means of atonement.

…

Elbert: You’re different from us… you shouldn't have come to this place.

Elbert: … Evil doesn't suit you.

A sorrowful prince with unrivalled beauty — Elbert Greetia.

His curse was that of the “Greedy Queen”, and he was a man unsuitable for sin.

…

Elbert: — You don’t have to watch. Having bad memories can easily kill you.

He kept me far away from sins, as if he were fearful of something.

Whenever I felt sad, he would pull me into a gentle embrace, as if trying to share the pain.

…

Kate: If you don’t feel like being alone when you’re sad…

Kate: Please call for me, if you don’t mind.

Elbert: …

Elbert: … Thank you.

I found myself captivated by his extraordinary amount of kindness, and the occasional fleeting smile I would catch on his face…

(I never want to see his sad face. I want him to smile more often.)

I had unknowingly started wishing for that.

And yet — I didn't realise it.

…

Kate: Of all of the things in this room, which ones are precious to you?

Elbert: There’s… nothing here that’s significantly precious to me.

He collected all things he thought were beautiful and put them away in his bedroom.

How deep, dark, and heavy was the sorrow he was filled with?

…

Alfons: Those meaningless acts of atonement are tormenting El, but they save him at the same time.

Alfons: If you don’t want to end up breaking him, I suggest you don't try to take them away from him.

…

Elbert: Maybe... you're the one I've been searching for.

Elbert: Kate— I want you.

(If I never want to see this sad look on his face ever again, I shouldn’t let myself belong to him.)

The more I tried to break him free from the sins that tie him down and force him to atone for them… the harder it became for me to resist the dark and weighty feelings of obsession I had towards him.

…

Elbert: … I want to kiss you.

Elbert: I want to touch you more… I want to hear your voice, your breathing, and feel the warmth of your body.

Elbert: The more I look at you, the more it hurts. … It’s like a poison that’s spreading through my body.

Elbert: If you belonged to me — this pain would surely disappear.

“The beautiful prince was freed by the power of true love from the shackles of the evil spell, and lived happily ever after.”

I dreamt of such a happy fairytale ending.

— But I knew that it was not that easy for his wounds to heal.

…

(It’s like… Elbert can’t hear my voice.)

Elbert: … It’s unforgivable.

Elbert: … I need to make you mine as soon as possible.

Elbert: Before you belong to someone else.

…

Kate: Sir Elbert, please… stop.

Elbert: … Now I understand why I thought you were beautiful.

Elbert: It’s because you're… what I stole.

Hurting and being hurt — it was a kind of love that felt like you were drowning in a sea of sorrow.

(Despite that, I still want to stay by your side.)

I want to be happy while with you — even if it means I’ll be in the dark at the very bottom of the water.

…

Elbert: I want to forever long for you, struggle for you, suffer for you, and die for you.

Elbert: … That’s my kind of happiness.

We were trapped by the most “beautiful” love in the world — at the bottom of the sea of sorrow.

[a-998h]

Hi I hope your having a good day.

Anyways I've got a sagau idea

So I've made like ten-ish or over OCs who look exactly like/similar to me because of Lore Reasons.

So pretend Reader has their own universe with a look-alike self-insert and over ten OCs who look just like their IRL self because of Lore Reasons.

It only applies to physical appearance and it ranges from "you're identical to the Reader" to "you could be a relative to them."

Let's say that instead of Reader getting Isekai-ed to Teyvat, one of their OCs who looks just like them lands in there instead and is executed in Imposter AU fashion, no matter how much they say they aren't Reader and never even claimed to be them.

They wake up in their universe like it was just a nightmare, but now have scars permanently acquired from the Imposter Hunt.

As for Reader, they had a nightmare where they saw their OC brutally hunted and killed in all the worst angles and don't take it well.

Next time its time to boot up Genshin Impact, they just hand it to a friend who loves the game but don't have the storage to play it, and just watches them play.

Their acolytes are wondering why their creator isn't controlling them anymore.

"As glad as I am that your letting me play, what's the fuck happened to make you let go of your borderline obsession with it?"

"Nightmare."

"one hell of a nightmare to put this off, the fuck happened?"

"You know [OC's Name]? I had a nightmare they woke up in Teyvat and was murdered and tortured by almost everyone in Teyvat. Because they looked like a Creator Deity."

"There's never even been a mention of a Creator God, and looking like them got one of your favorites killed, good god."

"yeah I can't stomach this anymore. I think I'll focus on my own original creations instead, you can have my account for now on."

"Woof. Not too keen on spoiling my Teyvatian faves myself knowing they might be culpable in making you sad."

"yeah I'm scared of having nightmares of my other look-alikes being murdered."

"Whatever makes you happy."

From then on Teyvat has to grapple with only having attention from a friend of their Creator occasionally giving them the time of day instead of their Creator's doting.

Teyvat will have to grapple with the 'imposter' being one of their many direct creation always meant to look just like them.

Teyvat will have to grapple with having executed a direct creation of the creator and loosing their love because of it. All that love now directed to those very mistreated creations.

Teyvat will have to grapple with their Creator Deity not even knowing/remembering that they created Teyvat, and only thinks they made their current focus.

Okay now I'm imagining an AU where another look-alikes OC whose heard of what happens the first time around wakes up in Teyvat and it very intent on staying away from civilization and finding their own way back to their universe.

Like what if this happened because Teyvat or other parties couldn't get the Creator back yet, so they settled for the next best thing. Their own creation who looked oh so similar.

This fits with my own lore for my series on my blog.

They want you. You're their beloved god but they can't have you, at least not yet. Thanks to Travel and the existence of you controlling them they knew other world exist.

The first they thought was a copy of you. They hunted the imposter, how dare this weakling impersonate their god. The death was brutal. That one woke up with scars.

This repeated for who know how long. As they come to terms with the fact that they won't have you just yet, the settle for someone they think is related to you. There are traits shared between the two of you, but that one isn't their god. But the have to settle until they can have you.

The nightmares that follow you push you away, they're sorry. They want you back, they'll be nice to the next one if you just look their way again. Please, they need you.

There is guilt, they killed a creation of yours with no remorse. They killed someone because they happened to look like you, and Teyvat thought this person was lying about being their god. They'll all make it up to you, just please look their way again.

[in3rci4]

† ALL OF THEM ALIVE : AFTERMATH HEADCANONS †

Introduction

I asked you guys which Hcs would you like me to write first and you decided the option . The majority of blogs had talked about their own personal Hcs about this AU ! / Possible final where all the boys survived their kidnapper " The Grabber " , so I think it's time I'll do mine too . In this fandom we all wished or thought at least once about this , about the " what if " , and it's interesting how there's some stuff we all agree with and how some would differ depending the person you're asking . But anyways , I shall get to the point and talk about what you stopped reading for

author's note : I'm really sorry for not writing lately , I've been kinda stressed out and with little time to do something like this . Like I said before , I promised than little by little I'll do y'all requests , I didn't forget , so please be patient because soon I'll have the time

Warnings ¡! : Children abuse , SA , VERY long rant , possible misspelling , specific details that might be gruesome , headcanons about future and family situation of each character , suicide , angst , mention of real life killers / predators , homophobia , sexism , etc ... . If you don't agree with the following headcanons then I'm open to discuss yours politely , so now after that been said , enjoy it ^^

¿ How they escaped from " The Grabber " ?

This one is very difficult to decide , since there's a lot of options that can be valid and logical in the context of the movie , so I will make a ranking to most to least " possible " in my opinion :

THE GRABBER HIMSELF LETS THEM GO : Now , I know that knowing this character is based on a pedophile serial killer and IT'S a pedophile serial killer , the possibility of him letting them go sounds not logical at first , but hear me out on this one . The first 2 thoughts that comes in my mind when someone has escaped their kidnapper , is that they escaped when they've killed or ran away when their kidnapper was distracted , or , the very own criminal let them go . Remember the scene when Albert tells Finney that " nothing is going right " or that " he's thinking about letting him go " ? Well , I think that if in another universe they all escaped from him because HE lets them go , either because he was afraid of being caught by the police or his very own sick self that had enough of toying with them ( You imagine what could been " enough " for this psycho ) . The circumstance of them also being discarded as " dead " in the worst physical state is also an option , yet one of the saddest , because this one is where they get to live the worst of the " Naughty boy " game . Some walking back home on their own , some others found by other people that called the authorities for help

MAX HELPS THE KIDS TO ESCAPE : this crackhead seems to be smart on his own way , but way too fucked up with drugs to reach his full sane and clean potential , yet , on the movie , he figures his brother out , but he unfortunately dies by the hand of his very own blood . But , if Albert did went to work , I believe he would ramble a little about how it made sense , on how he didn't figure out sooner , etc . Soon the plead of the kids of letting them go makes him go back half on his senses , and he either calls the police and tells the kids to search on the house more about his brother in order to have more proofs against him ( Yes , this sounds dumb but justice sometimes don't do what they have to do ) or either takes all of them to the police station right away , proud of himself because HE DID found the kids , but of course , little does he know that he won't and will never get the credit for it .

SAME BASEMENT , DIFFERENT ROOMS : This one that I've seen more repeating on the people on the fandom , and I guess I understand why . There's 2 possibilities in each instance : The place , the victim who knocks out the Grabber and the final state of the kidnapper . If if we're talking about the place , it ain't something impossible for a house to have a immense basement under it with multiple rooms and stuff . Albert Shaw is based on Jhon Wayne Gacey , a pedophile homosexual serial killer that also did "children entertainment " gestures and had also like work construction business , this man hide the bodies of his victims under his house , on his backyard and in another house apart from where he lived ( Josef Fritzl can be also compared to this killer too , this man build a basement specially to SA his own daughter and have incestuous children with her that maintained them from escaping ) . A sick twisted mind that build a basement JUST to SA poor boys that had the bad luck of encounter him . That , or the "Naughty boy " game takes place in different locations , the first part , under his house basement , the one that we see on the movie , the second , somewhere else , a basement that who knows what happened or who created such thing with soundproofed rooms that has a black phone united to the next room , the boys , prisoners of a masked human devil that checked that all the telephones were disconnected or broken , but they make it work , and create a plan to take down their tormentor . The idea of all of them taking him down at the same time sounds cool and almost relieving , as all the victims participate on fighting against their predator , but if you prefer more the idea of Finney being the boy who takes down The Grabber , then the final plan is him setting the others free after being done with him . And depending on how possible you may think an option or other is , The Grabber gets killed by all his victims , or survives , and is arrested ... Not allowing the cycle of pain to end for the kids

UNKNOWN PREVIOUS VICTIMS GHOSTS : I admit I don't really know if the creators / writers or whatever said something about this before , but this man killed 5 kids and its hinted on the book that he had also kidnapped more , we only know about this kids on the movie because of Finney's perspective and Gwen's dreams ( Except Griffin Stagg ) , but what if there was more somewhere else in another state / town ? What if instead of only one child having an spiritual gift we had 6 trapped children that got kidnapped in a haunted building of previous victims of The Grabber ? Perhaps all of them being able to contact the Spiritual world but not knowing until they were taken by a crazy man ? That would be not only cool in my opinion to see in a movie ( it would be really interesting to see how differently they would react to ghosts ) but it can be something possible in the context of the movie and / or in the " The Shinning" universe ( non confirmed to be cannon it's just a theory )

THE POLICE SOLVING THE CASE : Look , we all know sometimes police it's more useless and dangerous that what they supposed to be , BUT , if we are talking about the most possibles " what if " , I think that maybe , in this particular case , in another universe the detectives ( I don't remember their names , I think maybe Mr Wright and Mr Miller ? ) figure out fast enough to solve the case and save the kids ( Tbh Gwenny did so much more for her brother and those kids than the police did on the movie , and she's just a child that didn't got credit for being the most important person on the case ) so if we didn't have Gwen's psychic abilities and we're on a non paranormal context of the movie , sooner or later killers are discovered , either because lack of self awareness or because they wanted to be recognized , and usually sexual predators tend to lack self awareness the more they get " confident " ( ik fucking disgusting ) . If the they did the same Max's reasoning , I believe that they could have the luck to say " that the help came " ( Again , I believe this possiblity of police figuring Albert Shaw sounds reasonable , but doing it on time , that's a 40/60 , 40% they got before any SA or death happened , 60% that something bad already happened when they got to arrest Albert Shaw " The Grabber" )

THE VERY OWN KIDS ESCAPE BY THEIR OWN : All of this are possibilities , even if it's on the lowest of the ranking , it is still something that could happened , but for me , it's a very low chance of it actually happening . I know cases of children and teenagers escaping and saving others from killers / kidnappers , but if the whole movie happened , it was because no matter how "popular " or " strong " they were , they were still kids / young teens against a grown ass adult twice their weight and height . But my point is , if they did escaped on their own without interacting while being captive with others victims , then The Grabber definitely cannot commit his crimes on the same place / in one of his houses . As I see it on this option , if they did escaped , they did it like the way they tried and died for ( Billy breaks a window , Griffin escapes on a moment of distraction , Vance escapes by getting into another room that helps him to exit , Bruce perhaps instead of digging himself a tunnel finds a trapdoor that leads to a tunnel . Idk what to think as a escape route for Robin or Finney , perhaps Robin had to actually get into a fight with the Grabber and started to get chased but he manages to escape , maybe Finney waits enough time to observe and makes a whole plan to escape and call the police on Albert's absence ) . Idk if they would be able to tell who is their captor or not , but I'm sure that in this last option , The Grabber definitely gets arrested or " learns from his mistakes " to " get better " at kidnapping children .

¿ Do they stick together after all the trauma ?

I believe it's a 50/50 , I can see both options being possible if all or some of the victims survived

WHY IT'S POSSIBLE : Nobody would understand the pain and trauma that they been through better than them as a group , not the police , not the reporters , not their friends , not their families , not the child therapists , only them . Unconsciously would still be on alert mode and seek for their and the others safety , possibly being more protective or snap back at those who try to bother them or another boy , and if we follow the " Same basement , different rooms " option , they feel like they're in debt with the others for helping / saving their life , making a sort of friendship / comfort bond with the other boys . A friendship that could be intact for years even after they are living their own lives or are far away from each other

BUT AT THE SAME TIME : Seeing the others is a constant remind of what they been through , wich it could result in them drifting apart from each other to avoid the memories coming back at them . Perhaps some will even resent others , blaming them without knowing why , be mad that they told the police / other people what they been through and now everyone knows they also been SA or physically abused , frustrated that people or the own victims boys search them asking about what happened or how they feel after " it's all over " . If they didn't killed Albert or help the other to escape , then the anger for not being able to finish him or be left behind would also increase the discordance between each other

¿ Would they be able to go back to their normal lives ?

I'm sorry but again , I'll think it's a 50/50 thing , or well , more like a 40/60 thing . They of course , after so much trauma in their heads they will need time to get over or deal with it , but some will have more support than others and that's a fact . They can't erase the past , but some of them would not have the same tools to deal with it in a healthy way ( Personal opinion : none would be able to cope in a healthy way . We're talking about boys that been possibly SA with physical and mental damage from living such situation as kidnapping and being captive against their will . Homophobia was 6x worse in the 70's , even if nothing was their fault , there's always people that would make them feel like shit for " not standing up " or " letting it happen" , questioning their sexuality or " if they liked it " or if they " search that " . Media would definitely not help this situation at all )

So in a ranking of who I personally think would be able to manage to " come back to normal" in their lives to " fastest to slowest " or have more support would be :

BRUCE YAMADA : His family and popularity would make him the one gets more empathy from the people in town , not like the others won't get it at all , but he definitely would have the odds more on his favor . His parents are wealthy enough to pay him a therapist or seek a doctor that helps him to cover his scars , anything that he asks or needs to feel better . People , let's be honest , would sympathize more with him than before and would even get it from those that before didn't like him that much . Yet , it would take him time to get back on his normal rhythm , baseball would be more difficult due how much muscular strength he lost while being captive , parties would overwhelmed him , and he would not like going out by himself , always needing someone on his side . Luckily , he would be on shape in a few months , hanging out in small parties and slowly but surely , being on his own on the streets . All though , he makes sure that his friends , baseball buddies or the people that hangs up with him in general didn't dare to bring the subject of him , the others or The Grabber on his presence , he doesn't want to start a unnecessary discussion or stop talking to them for their loud mouths ...

BILLY SHOWALTER : Everybody recognized his face before and after he went missing , but this time it was different , the look in the eyes of people that he came across with wasn't indifferent or the regular polite ones , now they would speak for the person louder than their voice did , they tried to hide it , but the pity was something that the look in their eyes didn't lie about . Nobody said or told him nothing , but he knew , Billy knew that everybody knew , and it made him a little bit paranoid ¿ How much did they knew about what happened ? He stopped delivering papers after seeing his face and the others in it , stopped watching TV for a while until the news of his " case " would disappear , his family thought it would be a good idea to take more trips to his grandparents house or outside the home general , like camping , lakes , family cookouts , etc . Little by little he would gain a little bit more confidence on himself , but he would need to isolate himself from the people to get a bit of peace of mind and be back to " the real world " . Sometimes frustration of not being able to erase people's memories of him as the kidnapped kid would get him , but he'll suppressed it , as well as he can , just like him trying to not get alarmed by his dog barks ...

FINNEY BLAKE : He's for sure got his back covered by his sister Gwen before , now and forever , their bond was always strong and it became even stronger after he went missing . After surviving The Grabber the bullying stopped since he was THAT kid who survived the The Grabber , making him be in peace for a good amount of time on high school , although when it all calmed down , some or other dude would call him names , but it wasn't like he would get beaten for it , and if they tried to , he wasn't scared to throw a punch to shut them up . I do believe that Terrance tried to change for his son and daughter , but even then , the damage was already done , there's was no more violence or alcohol smell in the house , but there was no deep connection between him and his kids . Sometimes his father would accidentally make a loud noise and he would flinch or jump on his place , to later realize it wasn't nothing . And if his father kept his same attitude that he had before he was taken , Finney wouldn't take any more shit from him anymore . As a generational curse , father and son would get into heated discussions , discussions where Finney would dare him to hit him or Gwenny , just once , for him to see what'll do to his father if he did . So , if we expect the good development , I think he will sometimes get to live a somehow normal life with ups and downs , the last ones being the hardest times if they clicked something from the past , but usually being able to compose himself , if his dad doesn't help his recovery to normalcy , then he might slowly loose little by little the calmness in him and isolate himself to avoid problems , like before ..

ROBIN ARELLANO : His mother was ecstatic when she heard her that her child didn't die like her husband , giving him a big hug that was full of pleading for forgiveness and thanking God for bringing Robin back home alive , as well his uncle , who waited for her to to finish to hug his nephew too . He would get child treatment for a long time , his mother would make him a lot of his favorite food for him to gain weight and pepper him with kisses and cheesy nicknames that he didn't heard since he was a toddler , his uncle giving him more gifts than before as well as doing the impossible to make space on his work schedule and drive him the way to and back from school . At first Robin didn't complain , why would he ? He would lie if he says he didn't missed his family and the affection he receives from them , but as time passed and he tried to "get over it " and go back to normal , he noticed how much those actions made him feel weak and useless . He asked his mother to stop treating him like a child and his uncle to let him walk by himself like before , wich lead her mother to be confused of why he wouldn't like what she does and , for the first time on his life , he having an argument with his uncle about what's safe or what he needs . School was still difficult for him to understand , Robin felt like everything changed since he left and now he's more close to suspending than before , thankfully he got a tutor teacher that is just as good and understanding like Finney . The kids still respect him as one of the toughest in school , even the ones that were waiting for an opportunity to fight him didn't want to face him , but that made him angry , how he's supposed to let all this pent up frustration now ? He didn't see this as respect , he felt this as pity , they consider him not in condition to fight , he escaped the god damn Grabber for fucks sake ! He hates it , the feeling of vulnerability not leaving after escaping that cold basement . He'll try to keep a low profile and try his best to avoid talking to people , keep his cool , but hearing his uncle talk about the fight he had on his work with his mother because some coworker called his nephew a faggot , made this feeling of vulnerability turn into disgust ... Disgust by himself , which lead him into a depression and isolation period of time that he would only get over after a year or an a half . Later , he would tell himself that what happened made him stronger , and that's part of him now , hyping himself up as well as he can , because toxic masculinity won't go just because of him ..

GRIFFIN STAGG : He only has his mother for support and some other adults that felt compassion towards him , after all , he survived a huge cut on his throat that didn't let him talk freely like before . He had to learn sign languages along with deaf and / or mute kids , they were friendly , and even if he was a little bit doubtful of the idea of making friends , he found himself comfortable with them . He hated it , how even in hot weather he had to cover his neck , how he went to invisible to have the entire school eyes on him and his name known for every kid in Colorado , and not for good . For a long time doctors told him to had certain soft food diet until his throat got better , so the frustration of not being able to talk or eat freely made him isolate himself or shut himself down . His mother took him to a child therapist and it certainly helped him , just not enough to say he's happier . The only good thing he sees on all of this is that he's better at school and learned to be more focused , because the part of him not being able to talk back and be like a walking ghost of flesh and bones was definitely not the good one ...

VANCE HOPPER : The actor of this character said that his background or house life is definitely not good or supportive , specially coming from his father . I headcanon that this kid had the misfortune to have the worst type of men as his dad : aggressive , abusive , toxic and definitely not the most open minded either . I also think his mother is much of a submissive woman who accepted her fate and is way too scared to do something against her husband , which results into her not standing up for her son when he gets beat up or yelled at . Even he hates his old man with all his heart , he unconsciously became similar to him in thinking and bad temper . I also think either because of his mother or his father contacts ( not in the rich kind of way , its either because his own father works there or one of the two knows someone inside the police force ) he would set free of jail and not being sent to a juvenile rehabilitation center . After what he been through , his hate towards the world and life would increase even more , because he was the exception of out the 6 boys , the only one that the police didn't care to find and kids were grateful he was gone , that his own father was grateful that he "escaped " from his house , but his mother knew that it wasn't like that . He would feel that everyone thought he searched what happened to him , that everyone stopped fearing him to be disgusted by him , it would take a slight insult or wrong look for him to explode and beat the person . He felt conflicted , and didn't know where to go to feel better outside the mall with a pinball machine , teachers still saw him as the outcast , his " friends " didn't feel comfortable being around Vance anymore and the therapy costed way too much , or well , too much for his dad opinion . He would get into trouble more often than before , but no one would say something , they would resort to just to avoid him like an rabid dog , just like before he guess . If he's by himself , he would grow up hating himself and projecting that hate towards others , not to say that his father stopped beating his ass , but the venomous comments shamming him for what happened didn't , to the point Vance wished he was just straight beaten up like before instead of hearing those awful words every day ..

¿ What if The Grabber and the children are taken to the court of law ?

I don't think I saw people talking about this or maybe someone did but I never encounter their opinion before , but let's just say they escaped either by A or B and Albert is not killed but arrested , you know how painful would be for the boys to live the whole process until his sentence is dictated ? The constant interview with the police , the television transmitting everything , the lawyer and fake witnesses in Albert Shaw's favor , etc .

We have the Yamada and Showalter family , the Yamada family will try to get every contact to help them win the case , the best lawyers possible in the name of their son and if it's allowed , the other children too . The Showalter family would ask every neighbor in Denver to speak in favor of the children and would definitely do everything on their power to make the country know what injustice would be made if they give a monster like Albert Shaw a lower punishment that he deserves , for the people to not believe what the witnesses says and his " good man " facade and think about their children , probably with the television or radio stations help . The Arellano family would try to to avoid the public eye just like Mr Blake ( Terrance ) , unless the police , media or the court made a difference with Robin because he's hispanic , then they , specially his mother Mrs Arellano , would expose with all the tools they could get access to , the people who disrespects Robin . Terrance would try his best to not interfere with the legal process , but if someone ever tried to blame Finney for defending himself he would get physically violent , and I believe to avoid this impulsivity to happen , he would try his best not to see Albert Shaw's face and make it worse for his son . Mrs Stagg I believe would not want at first her son to live through the whole process and would have her son's mental health as priority first , but seeing that it would be more harmful than beneficial , she would be by Griffin's side until it's all over or at least that horrible man gets what he deserves . Hopper's family though , expect bad things to happen with this family . The father Mr Hopper if offered money , wouldn't care that the man that harmed his son was set free and could even force Vance to step aside of the whole legal process , or maybe not accepting money , but definitely enjoying the attention that the reporters gives him everytime they tried to speak to him for more information . The mother , Mrs Hopper does want justice for her child , but isn't sure how to help him without making her husband mad or messing up things , but she would definitely take the courage to testify against the disgusting person of name Albert Shaw , even she doesn't know if what she's doing will bring her consequences , since Albert's lawyer accused them of being involved with police corruption .

I think all of them would collaborate as much as possible for the life imprisonment to be dictated for " The Grabber " , repeating their testimony as many times as necessary , even if they feel ashamed if any SA happened and would take them a timespan to open up to the detectives and the court .

¿ Would they tell their friends or family what happened ? ¿ How they would continue their lives ?

Definitely it's different on each case / boy , and we're definitely not on the same line as before with the law happening because once dead , the only thing left of " The Grabber " is the damage he caused in these boys . The police demands their testimony , they get it , and it's over , but what the details they don't release on public ? Would the boys tell those closed to them what exactly happened underground with that man ?

Those details : Paranormal activity , Gwendolyn Blake / Max Shaw participation , starvation , dehydration , the state of the kids the moment they're found ( Dirty , bloody , skinny , with dry white lips , perhaps with missing pair of clothes ) , SA towards the missing children

VANCE HOPPER : If possible , he would keep every detail to himself , internalized homophobia and sexism would live with him as he grows up to be a volatile man that would have a hard time trusting other people and keeping his job . Would rely on drinking or physical violence to cope the trauma , definitely isolating himself , perhaps changing Pinball for gambling machines . In a very heated period of life , he may consider suicide or commit illegal acts

BRUCE YAMADA : Asked his parents to not let anything come out of the police station that wasn't already said on TV , his parents asked him why , but he only told them to do it for him . Would deny or avoid talking about what happened focusing to become the baseball player he always dreamed to be . It isn't until one day , as a already famous hitter of strikes , in a interview a reporter asks him if any SA happened during his time captive by the criminal " The Grabber " . Bruce couldn't stop his hands from trembling and his voice to stutter after the interview . This would make him have panic and anxiety attacks , fearing the public eye as he never did before , but the more you try to run away from your past , the past gets closer to catch you as time goes by . After a while , he feels like it's to time to tell the truth , and Bruce gets enough confidence and courage to speak on the media that yes , he was sexually abused by a man that kidnapped him when he was a teen , that felt that he should hide it if he wanted to be a baseball star , because society makes the SA victims feel guilty for what they live through even if it's not their fault , specially men , that either are ignored or ridiculed , treated as trash or unworthy of empathy . This would had a huge impact on the media , but also would help people to question their beliefs and speak for their experiences . When he got the permission to open a foundation for abused children and teenagers , he felt that invisible weight on his chest get lighter . The letters of fans that have been abused thanking him for speaking out loud his experience made him cry on the privacy of his house ...

GRIFFIN STAGG : Would only tell his mother if she persisted once and never talk about it again , and since Griffin's therapist died of old age , he wouldn't want any other to have a session with , wich meant he'll never tell anyone about it . He grows up to accept jobs that he changes once a while when the money ain't for him to pay the bills , like being a librarian or a janitor of different buildings , his frustrated dream of being a veterinarian would from to time to time make him feel sad about it , but he'll comfort himself by saying that at least he has enough to live good . Well , good it's what doctors say , because he's tired of the constant medical visits for his vocals and throat to be checked . It's not like a miracle would and he suddenly was healed completely and capable of speaking . It's just the same old routine since... That ...

ROBIN ARELLANO : If possible , he would deny everything that happened to him if his family wants to know " the truth " . The truth is that he tries to move on and forget , but until he gets on his period of life with confidence and cool persona back , he would feel like the worst shit ever . He grows up and gets some of his old normalcy back , the horror movies though ? Not his favorite type anymore . I believe he probably wants to become a soldier like his father , but ends up being a fire fighter or part of a rescue team , but at an adult age , because his youth would have tons of low wage jobs due his inexperience and origin . Would only confess a single time to someone that confessed to lived something similar has him , to make them know they have his support and they're not alone .

FINNEY BLAKE : Would only confess this as an adult on a dinner with his sister , breaking down , rambling nonsense that would stop once Gwen stands up from the table and hugs her big brother , rubbing his back in a attempt to comfort him . He definitely works hard to be part of the NASA workers , although as time goes by , he realizes that being astronaut was a huge responsability and demanding , and he prefers to stay as a spaceship engineer . If some collegue or superior tried to talk with him about his time being captive on the basement , he would politely ask them to change the subject of the conversation , if they persistent he would find an excuse to leave and " go back to work " . Maybe if he did choose the astronaut profession this wouldn't happened ...

BILLY SHOWALTER : If the police didn't let the people know , he would take all his memories to the grave , maybe write them if he feels the need to vent . Doesn't matter who asks , he would always deny , decline and avoid any exchange about what happened on the 78' . He wanted to become a reporter or with enough luck a businesses man , but due the circumstances he prefers to be a low profile mechanic , little does he know that one day he'll become the most expensive race cars mechanic , meeting a lot of famous people that some would become close to him . The world would only know what Billy went through once they found a notebook were every dark , depressing and specific details was written on those old pages of paper .

[meanbossart]

please don't ever apologise for turning asks into detailed retellings, I LOVE this about your blog!! And I love to know more about Drow. It's also hysterical to me knowing he kept Gale in the party despite all of this. Just to torture each other more.

The actual question is, what did Drow decide to do about the Emperor/Orpheus situation? Did he care at all?

HAHAHAH I'm glad! I've kinda decided to start working on my writing skills this year, and this blog plus the fic has been a massive help in doing that. So really, I have to thank you guys for all the thoughtful questions and for humoring me in general!

(SPOILERS AHEAD, OBVIOUSLY)

And boy lol so the Emperor reveal would have been a Massive shock to DU Drow's system, naturally up until that point he had been casting all the blame for his troubles on the absolute and the mindflayer race by extension, and the bone-headed guy he is, it mattered very little what the Emperor had done for him up until that point - It didn't change what he was, and most of all it didn't change that DU drow felt like he had been made a fool, especially after he so vehemently bought into his false form and trickery.

So the moment all the cards were on the table he began antagonizing the emperor 100% of the time, and would have killed him if his own life wasn't on the line. So the best next thing he found he could do to heal his ego was free Orpheus.

And with the way the game is written, and especially if you don't have lae'zel in your party, that is an absolutely stupid decision that requires one to gamble their lives just the same as they would have by sticking with the Emperor; but this guy is a massive, prideful Idiot and he only wanted to feel a sliver of vindication.

So, he betrays the Emperor (and buddy there's no way you didn't see It coming, DU drow would have made his intentions crystal clear with his attitude), freed Orpheus, and made Orpheus turn into a mindflayer without a second thought, because like Hell that he's gonna do it. Not the IDEAL choice since in the end he had to switch one mindflayer for another, but at least this one owed his life to him, and not the other way around.

So it's to no one's surprise that passing the final battle and the destruction of the brain, DU Drow happily obliged when Orpheus requested that he be put him down for good. I think that despite all of his character growth, his denying Bhaal, and the killing of the Absolute, that choice and moment really had be contemplating his motivations to do everything he had done so far, and concluding that with or without the Urge he was never going to be a pillar of morality. He's no power hungry psychopath but he is an asshole.

[darkleysgarden]

Into The Alters

A Total Drama Analysis

INTRODUCTION

I have been obsessed with the whole system. I love them all sm. And because of this, I had to analyze them ofc. That's what I always do. I'll start with more general things and then deep dive into the alters and how they formed.

Disclaimer: I do not have DID, nor do I claim to know everything about the condition. I have done my best to try and learn about it and be as accurate as possible. If I make any mistakes or use incorrect terms, please tell me! I'm trying my best and genuinely hope to improve. Tyty.

WARNINGS: I will discuss ableism, child abuse, sexual abuse, overall trauma, potential murder/crimes, and other Total Drama typical things.

Also, whenever I say 'they' or 'them', I'm referring to all the alters or multiple of them.

OVERALL VIEW OF THE SYSTEM

DID often forms from trauma, and this system clearly did form that way. I'll get into it more on the alters individual parts, but the way they act and the roles they take on help prove that their pasts were very traumatic.

What is the goal of them going on Total Drama?: I believe that the goal is to move out. I rewatched it recently, and I remember no mention of the bodies parents, no mention of their pasts other than hints at juvie, nothing. But, Nico, how can you say that it's specifically to move out? Throughout the seasons, it's hinted at that Mike knows little about TD. He's heard of it. He knows general things. Yet, he doesn't understand more niche callbacks. Most of the new cast mentions being huge fans or watching the series before. Mike, to my memory, doesn't. Mike never points out his goal for the million dollars, and the last thing he wants is fame. He even goes against his psychiatrists wishes of going on the show. Why is a million dollars so important to get? To move out. The DID formed from something, right? The most obvious way to form would be because of parents or guardians. And if you don't believe me yet, the only reference as to what they will do with the money is by Mal. Mal says he wants to use the money to live out his life his way in a tower of his own. AKA, he's using the money to move into a new place and gain free will. And I'll go deeper into that in a moment.

EDIT: I just found out that it's basically canon that they were using it to move out. The Fresh TV official blog confirmed that Mike and Zoey moved in together shortly after All Stars. Obviously they would have used the money to do so.

Overall, what I am saying here is that they have a bad home life and are going onto Total Drama to escape that. Both while the show runs and when they win. They even went on two seasons even though the first was stressful enough and they weren't having a great time. When people come back, they have a reason that they detail. Fame or fortune. We never get that from Mike. Because it's personal. It's personal and not something he is willing to share on international TV.

WHAT DOES THE RESET BUTTON DO?

After much research, the reset button does not seem possible to me and I have a new theory on what it actually did.

Via my research, I could be wrong, you cannot get rid of DID entirely. Alters can not be killed. To get rid of Mal would have required Mal to comply with it, and Mal was not complying.

Integration is possible. Parts can be erased. Though, in the end, Mal would come back like seen in the show. He can not be entirely erased because that's just not how DID works. Even integration, forced dormancy, and letting go of alters would take a ton of work and time. Getting rid of Mal would be hard and would be one thing. But to erase all of them and get rid of DID entirely? It's impossible from what I've seen. It's hard to erase a single alter, especially if they don't want to go like Mal. Usually, they leave by decision or go into dormancy on their own. And it seems that usually, if an old alter is erased, a new alter usually will form that is very similar to the old one.

Alternative theory: What do I really think the reset button did? Dormancy.

This would be hard, but not impossible. Like I said before, it's a choice that leads to dormancy and erasure. Aside from Mal, they were all on board with the decision. They would be able to put themselves into hiding in the meantime while Mike sorts his life out. All 5 of them would likely be able to force Mal into dormancy together, especially considering that we know they did it before.

"But Chester directly told us that-"

Chester is not reliable at all. Nobody else knew what it did. They were operating off of what he told them. Chester is shown to have shit memory and not know what he's talking about. He could have easily not explained the button entirely correctly.

I believe that once the show is over, Mike moves out, things settle down, the alters will slowly come out of dormancy as it feels right.

This is probably me being in denial that they're gone, but idc.

SVETLANA

Omg, Svetlana. I am her biggest fan !!!!!

Sorry.

Anyway. I suspect Svetlana is a fictive. Actually, my boyfriend came up with that. I'm stealing it from him. Ask him for more details. Idrk the details.

Basically, Svetlana is extremely detailed. She holds information and memories that seem to have come from outside of the systems experiences. She is too detailed to be a randomly formed alter.

How did she form?: So, I believe the character was off of a book character? I WASN'T THE ONE WHO CAME UP WITH THIS PART. I bet you're thinking, why aren't you researching this? I'm ranting to myself rn okay. I'm just also putting it on the internet for funsies. I'm operating off memory rn. All my research has been done off random questions I've had while pacing around my room at 3AM.

UPDATE: we've changed our minds. There's an Olympic Russian gymnast named Svetlana who has won TONS of awards and holds common references with her. She was also actively competing at the time Mike would have been a kid. So he could have been watching her and wanted to copy her acts. Svetlana Khorkina, if you're interested

Anyway. Young Mike is experimenting with himself. Because that's what every kid does. This doesn't necessarily mean that he's LGBTQ or anything. A boy can try on dresses without that being the case. People experiment with their identity, especially at a young age.

However, people don't like that. Because people are bitches fsr. Idk. And I already speculated before that the bodies' parents aren't great. An alter is forming off a book character he found relatable. The character being female is part of what gave him this interest in looking at feminine stuff. Yet, he got in trouble for it. In that situation, Svetlana would form off of the character, making her a fictive. Yet, she has also become a protector. She is now there to protect the physical aspect of the body. She's the one who works out with her gymnastics. She probably does skin care and that stuff. She knows how to get dressed well. She is there to protect the physical aspect and keep the body healthy.

And she won't fail to defend them from anybody who dislikes a boy wearing makeup or anything of the sorts. Those gymnastics muscles aren't fake bro.

Age speculation: so I don't feel like researching the book more. In fact, I can't even remember if it was a book. So I'm basing this entirely off of canon.

I think she is 14 or so. Though, with her, I can see a lot of fluctuation. I used to think she was more in her 20s. But, I think it makes much more sense for her to be a young teenager. Also, just saying this now, but my age headcanons are just headcanons. So, if I don't work with your ships, you can move them to a degree as long as it isn't weird. JUST DONT MOVE MANITOBA OR VITO MUCH AND ILL GET INTO THAT.

Back to Svetlana, though, she acts a lot like a young teenage girl. We know she has participated in many gymnastics events, and I feel like she wouldn't be so active in doing them if she didn't feel comfortable with the age group, if it wasn't very similar to her own. Which leads me to somewhere teenage. And then idk if it requires an explanation, but she gives 14 year old girl energy.

Also, I have a random silly hc that Svetlana was the only girl that could beat Skye in gymnastics. Svetlana had to participate somewhere, and they're both Canadian and probably would end up at the same competitions. There may be proof to disprove this, but all I've seen is "but the body is male," but Svetlana wouldn't participate in boys' competitions, and maybe people just aren't transphobic. Idk. SVETLANA HAS A TON OF AWARDS IN CANON. SHE ISN'T JUST SAYING THAT. IT'S IN THEIR ROOM. Sorry, I'm off topic.

MANITOBA

Another one of my favorites and another fictive WOOHOO.

So the creators, from what I've seen, have said Manitoba was based on Indiana Jones. And then they took Australian aspects from two non-fictional people.

That's why I've decided to call Manitoba and Indiana Jones fictive.

Formation: Nothing huge to this one. I believe Manitoba formed mostly off comfort. Indiana Jones was a comfort character. A cool explorer who could get out of any situation (I think. Admittedly, I've never actually watched it.)

We see constantly that Manitoba fronts specifically during tough situations that are hard to get out of. He's smarter than the others in many ways. He is always able to call out Mal's slip-ups and lies. He knows what he is doing and is able to protect and save the others from tough times. That is his main purpose as an alter.

Also, I think it's interesting to note that Manitoba says that Mike gets in the way of his relationships, and then Mike said that the alters would ruin his romantic relationships. I'm just saying that Manitoba probably had a love interest we didn't get to see. Idk. Just had to bring that up when talking about him. Listen, I'm analyzing them for the system, but I'm also doing general analysis, okay?

Age speculation: So... I see a lot of people speculating that he is like 20-40. I don't believe that. I placed him at about 18-19.

I couldn't figure out if fictives are always the same age as the character they form off of. But, let's say they are. In that case, I believe that it's highly likely Mike could have formed Manitoba off of the 13 year old Indiana Jones River Pheonix played. Then he continued to age.

The reason I don't like the older headcanons is mainly because he flirted with Zoey and was implied to be in past relationships. Obviously, these people wouldn't be far off from Mike's age. Going off of a 17 year old Mike, Manitoba is only 2 years older. I also just don't see it fitting for him to be much older? I can see him acting 20-25, but like I said I prefer it younger as it makes more sense with his relationships.

We never see Chester flirt with anyone for this reason. He's too old for them. It would be weird for Manitoba to flirt with them if it was the same case. And speaking of Chester...

CHESTER

Ima be so honest. I'm not hugely interested in Chester. Yet, I do think he's interesting in the aspect that he is different. And I believe he is an introject (if that's the correct term).

Mike's parents were shit in this speculation. He would search for someone outside of them. Like a grandparent. I also want to credit deranged_royal on tiktok as she formed most of my Chester headcanons and helped further my other analyses. She also has really cool cosplays. So follow her rn.

How he formed: Mike looked up to some kind of grandparent figure who ended up dying. He was hurt by this as he had nobody else to look up to. Therefore, an introject formed. It seems that introjects of people systems know in real life often form off of people that provide them comfort or have died. So, I think this makes sense.

Age speculation: 60-80

I feel like old people don't really act differently after they hit 60 or so, so I don't really know. He's probably older because of the issues he has.

Sorry, Chester is so short. I don't have too much to say about him. We don't get a lot of him, and I feel like he is very easy and simple to understand. I love his scenes, though. He's so silly.

VITO

So we all agree Vito is the sexual protector? All right. Thanks. This one goes more into sexual assault and sexual situations!!!

Formation: I actually have two separate theories for this. They both lie in sexual assault. But I'm leaning towards a sexually abusive ex over guardians.

The reason I think this is largely based on how he acts with Anne Maria. Also, the tiktoker I mentioned earlier also noted that he only fronts when the body becomes stripped of clothing. Interesting detail....

I love Annito. I'm their biggest fan, actually. I'm working on rewriting their entire wiki rn because all the system wikis are outdated. I love them sm. Break from the sadness. Look at the cuties.

Anyway. Have you ever noticed how attached Vito gets? He meets Anne Maria, and she is all he can think about from then on. He does anything even if it annoys him just to see her again. Assault survivors tend to get attached easily to those who show them positive attention. Also, they want to take charge of the more sexual aspects. Vito starts making out with Anne Maria within about 5 minutes of meeting.

Anne Maria gives him the interest, care, and control he seeks in a relationship. And now he clings to her. And they're healthy. I LOVE THEM AHHHHHH. Sorry. They're perfect together.

Age speculation: 17-18. This one is obvious to me. He acts like every high school senior. Plus, Anne Maria was 16 in roti. He's no more than 1-2 years older than her. Especially since she thought he was the host before the DID discovery. That means she thought he was about 16. Would be weird if he wasn't.

MIKE

Wowzers. We're at the host!

Okay. Mike, I get it you have internalized ableism. This issue, however, leads to a lot of mistreatment of his headmates. He acts like he owns them, which isn't a positive thing to do.

I love Mike a lot, but I will not erase his actions.

He never allows anyone to front unless it is for use. For example, Svetlana, if it's a physical situation. Then after he fronts immediately again. They even imply that he was never in headspace, meaning that he would only ever let them co front or would fully dissociate.

He didn't let them be their own people, which is really sad. He also didn't allow them their own relationships. Though they have as much of a right to those relationships as Mike does.

Just because Mike is the host or the 'first' doesn't mean that he isn't still an alter. He becomes an alter the second an alter forms for the first time. He is now only one of the people who shares the body.

Also, this may be controversial, but I don't like how Zoey treats Mike. 😕 I don't really have strong opinions outside of their relationship on her. But, I dislike how she, even after a year of dating, seems to not understand anything about his DID. Plus, she always brushes off every other alter and doesn't try to be friends with them or anything. Instead of helping with Mal, she just acted like Mike was lying to her. I like their friendship, but I can't ship Zoke for those reasons.

I could say more about that, but this isn't a Zoke hate post. Mb bros. I probably just lost a few of you. Too bad, so sad. Mal is the best part. You're gonna miss him.

I know I have more to say on him, but I am honestly blanking right now. It's hard to say more about him as he didn't form the same way as the others. I don't really know much about the first alter, so I don't really want to say more for that reason, too.

MAL

Oh, boy. Buckle up.

Idek where to start. I'll accidentally leave out sm because I have sm...

Formation: Mal was the first alter after Mike to form. I'm confident in this for sm reasons. For example, none of the other alters knew about if Mike or Mal formed first. Let's say Svetlana formed after Manitoba. Manitoba would know he was there before she formed as they all actively communicated with each other. Though, they all formed before juvie as they knew about that whole situation personally.

Therefore, I'd say that Mike and Mal have known each other since Mike was about 6. Which makes sense with the research I've done about formation ages. And this is why they know each other so well. Mal is able to imitate Mike extremely well. What gave him away was WHISTLING. And then the bracelet/necklace thing, but like, that has nothing to do with how well he knows Mike's personality.

He knows everything about Mike. And Mike NEEDED him. That is explicitly said by Mal and confirmed by Mike. Mal was formed to protect Mike from abusive or traumatic experiences. And that is why Mal is the way he is largely.

Mal experienced a traumatic childhood. And I believe he's younger than Mike. When Mike is 17, I believe he is only 13-15.

I believe that Mal is terrified of the fact that Mike doesn't need him anymore. So scared that when Mike is put under a ton of stress on the show, Mal fronts full time to take the situation into his hands. He still wants the same goal as the others, to move away. But he is doing it his own way. Also, notice how much he targeted Zoey? He hated anyone getting close to his headmates. He wants to protect them.

"How do you explain him being so rude?"

He is a kid who had a bad childhood. Because of this, he wants to take out the pain he received and push it onto others as well. That's why he's so aggressive. And part of it is just him being a devious 13 y/o.

And, don't forget that that kid was in jail.

Speaking of, he ran the place, right?

Of course, he would want to run the place. It's a whole jail troupe for a reason that you need to make yourself feared. If everyone was scared of him, nobody would hurt him.

That brings me to what I think got Mal into juvie.

Self protection murder.

From what I've seen of the laws, I believe he could go to juvie instead of adult jail for this based on the trial. And if it's self-protection against an abusive person, he could get off with less. I believe. I'm no expert on Canadian law or law in general.

Why do I think this?

Well, Mal had to do something pretty bad to have everyone fearing him. A young kid with a body at like 13 (my guess for body age when in jail), who committed murder. Everyone would stray away. Especially if Mal left out the details and claimed it was in cold blood.

Mal likely fronted most of the time during juvie. He had to go through that rough and scary situation. He went through all of this traumatic stuff.

And then...

Mike forced him into dormancy.

He loves Mike and wants to protect him. Yet, he holds a grudge against him. Mike formed him and made him suffer, and then now tries to get rid of him.

Of course Mal would be upset.

How he acts in All Stars is heavily based on a mix of his grudge against Mike, his trauma, his young age, his time in jail, and overall the nature of the alter he was formed to be.

Mal was formed to be someone stronger and more protective. He wasn't supposed to back down. He was supposed to save them all from that abuse.

But, he's still young and still his own person. It's going to take a toll on him. Especially if he only got to front during the bad times. He now only knows how to take out his anger as a way to protect himself and his headmates.

I know I have a lot more to say about Mal, too. But it's getting late and I'm tired and blanking.

EXTRA

I suspect that after juvie, they were placed into therapy and some sort of foster care. Even if they aren't in an actively abusive home now, they wouldn't trust that it couldn't turn bad. Plus, they would want their own space and control after everything.

So, I'm gonna end it here for now. It's midnight and I'm eepy.

Tell me if I made any mistakes please!!! On canon info or on DID or whatever

If you want more details on any headcanon or have any questions or anything put it in my asks. I love receiving asks. I'll gladly rant to whoever is interested.

Though, for now, I'm tired. Night night.

Live, laugh, love Svetlana.

[chattegeorgiana]

Hello! Thank you again for always taking the time to respond to any notes I send, can’t wait to see what comes next! On your IG I noticed how Sakura’s Crown of the Sun seal reminds me of Hashiram’s warrior monk sage mode from a cosmetic pov. Which made me think about how you pointed out how Sakura is thematically a Senju or represents them in the overall themes of the story. Which leads to a head cannon I wanted to bounce off you. Shinachiku in other fanfics I have read he’s never written to have Sage mode which would be something that fits his universal traits given to him. From the show/manga I felt that Sage mode you a character who had the physical, mental & spiritual fortitude. Shina fits the bill but if he were to have a Sage mode it would look similar to Hashiram that way he’s not following directly in his father footsteps but it gives Sakura homage as Shina powers align closer to her. Which I like that Shina both in designs and abilities come from Sakura. It makes him unique not just to be another Naruto clone which only really works when you have a tragic backstory like him. My point is that I felt like Shina that warrior monk sage mode shows his duality as a character. He’s universally acknowledged as a skilled medic which implies he has a value and sanctity for life and seeks to prevent death and heal others but at the same time he’s expert hand to hand combatant and wields tanto blades which are specifically made for killing. It’s one of things I love about his character that duality, he’s both the yin and yang. Much like his parents. Sorry for the long paragraph I just enjoy sharing these thoughts!

Hi dear,

Welcome back!

I'll start by saying please stop apologizing for these long asks, I love them! Even if I'm not always able to respond right away to them, do know that I love getting them and reading them and exchange all these headcanons with you.

Makes my heart smile when I see someone is really analyzing Kaika in such a beautiful way. Feels like an honor, tbh.

Now to get to the actual point of the story...

First of all, Sakura's seal... well, there's a reason why I made that seal the way I did it. Those old theories of mine echoes so hard and far away, that nowadays they're used as commercial hook in the franchise.

And it's not the first time that I see in the franchise concepts that have been used that I talked about at some point in my theories.

One of the biggest I've seen is ironically the one theory that I couldn't recover after losing my blog 2 or 3 times already (lost the count tbh cuz when you have to build it from scratch every time, it's so tiresome honestly) called Spiritual Enlightenment: Sakura Haruno, Slug Sage mode and possible genjutsu connection.

Most of what I see in the sequel nowadays in terms of certain power-ups are mechanics that I've laid down in that theory that I lost.

Most will say that eh, I'm talking BS cuz I don't have that theory so I don't have a way to prove it. But the thing is, there are certain residuals/artifacts if you may say so of that theory around the internet.

So then, the reason I had her seal look like Hashirama's is precisely because I'm making use of my own theories in a way that I think Kishimoto wanted to develop Sakura, like I said so many times.

Now, as for Shina, the way I plan on developing him has connections to that and doesn't at the same time. I won't go too much into detail, but I made him that way because I wanted to have something unique to him, in a way, like you said. I don't want him to be a copy of anyone.

That's why some of the power-ups I have in mind for him are and aren't connected to that specific similarity. I have a little twist in mind.

But what I do have prepared for Shina, is the Heaven & Earth symbolism in his power-ups. He's not gonna necessarily fit the warrior monk archetype tbh. If anything, the monk type will fit more for Arashi, the way I have him built.

But, in a way partially, it will also fit with Shina. So you see, that's why I say that it is and it isn't at the same time. But I do get from where you're coming and I agree with you in the sense that Shina has respect for the sanctity of life. After all, he is very laid back and respectable like Katsuyu. That's why she becomes his favorite summon and always has a Katsuyu plushie haha.

The thing is, I built all 3 siblings in a way that fit certain themes and symbolism, but with a unique twist, I'd say.

For example one of Shina's power-ups is going to be tied to Hanami, and through that, Hanami also gets her own power-up. Arashi in a way is the one who's more hermit/monk like so his power-ups aren't tied directly to his siblings per se. But that's because I want Arashi to be more connected with the Uzumakis.

And I did all that because I wanted to have the family theme represented in more ways than one, which is the classic blood relation.

I won't go exactly into too much detail because I don't want to give away the "juicy" parts so to speak, haha. But I hope everyone will find it as interesting as I seem to be finding them in my head, lol.

Once again, thank you very much for your ask, it's really a pleasure to talk all these things with you.

Have an amazing rest of your day/evening/night.

[lightsoutbfb]

LIGHTS OUT!

hey everyone! if you're seeing this, then you're probably wondering: what IS Lights Out?

Well, I'm here to answer those questions.

Lights Out is an au of bfb/bfdi/tpot/(whatever other acronyms ya want for the show!). More specifically, of bfb, starting around the time of bfb 3-10.

Lights Out is a horror au that centers around Liy snapping after her elimination, escaping the EXIT, and going totally apeshit.

Lights Out was originally an au that I created back in 2019, and worked on with my old friend for a bit. But we never got anywhere, and he's not really my friend anymore, so I figured I'd just do it myself (with some help from a new friend! Sorry old friend. I won't post your name here in case anyone wants to hate on you for...whatever reasons. People are strange.)

Lights Out is a horror au, and features blood and gore, violence, death, trauma, hallucinations, weapons such as knives, baseball bats, and other creative things she finds ways to use. (And maybe a gun? I dunno.) and psychological horror. If you're a little kid, or you're sensitive to these topics, I don't recommend reading it.

That being said, if you're continuing, you prolly like this kinda stuff. So let's move on!

WHAT IS LIGHTS OUT?

I plan on making it a fic, but I'd also love to make it into a comic someday. That being said, I don't have the time or art skills to do that right now, or I'd be doing it right away.

WHERE DID YOU COME UP WITH THE IDEA?

Well, I've had this headcanon for Liy for a while, and me and that friend were talking, and we were jokin around and one of us said something or other about this being a good idea for an au. So, voila! Boom!

WHY LIY?

I...dunno. I mean, she's portrayed as "snapping" in a sense during her actual elimination in bfb, so I guess I just wanted to take it up a notch.

IS THIS SERIOUS?/HOW DEDICATED ARE YOU?/DO YOU NEED HELP?/IS THIS PAID?/ETC.

This is just for fun! I always wanted to make it but I kinda forgot about it. I figured it might be fun to revamp it here, especially with a bigger audience than on the other site i was publishing it on. It's not paid, I might not get around to doing it for a long time, and I don't really need anymore help than I'm already getting!

DOES MY FAV DIE?

Probably. I mean, unless your fav is Liy then...pretty good chance of it. I won't spoil it, though!

63 to go...

WHERE CAN I READ IT?

Probably here (on Tumblr) or on AO3. I'm undecided.

WHEN WILL YOU START?/WHEN WILL IT BE UPDATED?

I don't know. Could be any time from within a few days to a few months. I'm a tad busy with stuff right now, so I'll get to it eventually.

WILL THE POTENTIAL COMIC OR COMICS HAVE GRAPHIC VIOLENCE/BLOOD/GORE? WILL THE FIC HAVE THIS?

YES. LIGHTS OUT IS A HORROR/PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR AU AND WILL HAVE GRAPHIC/POTENTIALLY DETAILED DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE, BLOOD AND GORE, CHARACTER DEATHS, MURDER, KILLING, VIOLENT/INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, AND PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO HALLUCINATIONS, TRAUMA, PANIC ATTACKS, VIOLENT IMPULSES, BREAKDOWNS, PARANOIA, SUICIDAL/HOMICIDAL/BOTH THOUGHTS, AND DELUSIONS.

IF ANY OF THESE MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, UPSET YOU, OR COULD TRIGGER PTSD, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. GO FIND SOMETHING ELSE.

With that out of the way, here we go!

Also, yes, I moved blogs. This is its own main now! Yippee ☆

[foggyparadisecandy]

On Tackling Low Self-Esteem

Anyone who's been tuning in to my blog over the last few months knows that I've struggled with a poor self-image forever and a day.

[Thanks mom and dad for being righteous bastards!]

But I've also been working on it in very focused ways and ... surprising to me ... things have started to shift in a positive direction. I'll share a few things that have worked for me - and maybe some of you will benefit too.

Everyone is different ofc so ymmv.

Also as a word of warning: this shit is fucking hard. It's painful as hell because it requires me to question nearly every last thought, belief, and emotion that goes through my head. Some times it's so fucking maddening and exhausting and I'm super emotional these days.

But ... as I said ... it is starting to shift things for me. I'm not feeling the burning desire for external validation any more (as much). I'm not feeling like I need to be a people pleaser (as much). I'm not afraid of rejection or abandonment (as much).

I'm still working on it so I don't want anyone to think I'm some expert. And I'm certainly not a therapist. If you are really suffering, please seek professional help. My heart goes out to you.

THE FOUNDATION

Everyone always says "be kind to yourself" and "be compassionate." I've heard that a million times and it has never stuck until my therapist explained something important to me:

My dysfunctions are because my childhood identity was taught to act in certain ways before I had a logical brain to make sense of the horrible shit heaped on me by my parents. Read that again. For me, it was the key to all my progress.

Before I would get so ANGRY at myself for not learning lessons or doing the wrong things all the time or ... whatever. Now, I say, "it's ok, Foggy. Your inner child was taught coping strategies and you simply need to catch them and relearn them. Those things are deep inside you and it's going to take work. You are ok. You are a good person."

When we are kids and are exposed to trauma (in my case, an absentee alcoholic father and a mother who switched between obsessive love and literally "I'm going to drive this car into a tree at a hundred miles per hour and kill us all" - fun fun fun), our brains don't know how to process it. We create and lock in strategies for SURVIVAL. It gets hard-wired into us.

So ... yeah ... be kind to yourself and be compassionate to yourself. Because you are working against deep programming and it's going to take a while. Your subconscious is FUCKING UP YOUR SHIT because it learned to do what it had to for survival.

AVOID ABSOLUTES

"I always fuck things up."

"I never learn."

"People always disappoint me."

"I'm always going to be alone."

Nah. Untrue. None of those absolutes are true. And if you catch yourself using those words, you are, in essence, programming your own destiny of sadness.

My hypnosis experience tells me that ... we don't need inductions to program suggestions. Repetition does realllllllll well.

So when you say or think those absolute statements, you might think you are stating a simple fact about your life. But in reality, you are telling your subconscious COMMANDS. And you repeat them enough, well, fuck yeah it's going to become your reality.

Think about it a bit. And next time you catch yourself saying absolutes, do your best to soften them.

"I always fuck things up." -> "I fucked up this time." -> "I made a mistake and I'm going to learn from this, the best I can."

"I never learn." -> "This is a tough thing to learn." -> "Ok, I see what I did here. Next time, I'm going to do it different, the best I can."

etc. etc. Work on them. Shift them, transform them, transform your programming.

CHANGE YOUR TALK TRACK

Related to the above stuff, if you are going to program yourself, use powerful positive words. And if you can't believe the BIG STUFF, start small.

"I do my best."

"I work hard at things."

"I am surviving."

"I can count on myself in a jam."

"I have overcome horrible childhood trauma. I'm a survivor."

etc.

Look, friend ... if you've made it this far, you have gone through some real shit, right? You wouldn't be reading about fixing low self-esteem unless you had low self-esteem. So I'm guessing you've had some fucked up shit heaped on you.

And look at you go. You are still here. You are putting one foot in front of the other. You are capable of amazing things.

It might sound trite but I don't think so. NGL, I'm attracted to traumatized people. My therapist says trauma inflicted people can smell trauma on others and we feel bonds instinctively. I think that's true. And I've met a shit ton of hurting people and one thing that is universal: we're all strong and capable.

Examine your life and feel the truth of that. Start with that as your positive vibe to build upon. You are a survivor. You are capable of surviving. You are strong.

WATCH THE STORIES YOU TELL YOURSELF

I find that not everyone tells themselves stories about situations, people, and things. I do so this one hits me hard time and time and time again.

An example: someone I like or love doesn't text me back in a "reasonable time" (if it's someone I really love, reasonable time is immediately lol), I will start to wonder things. For those of you who don't suffer from this, this is going to sound ... nutty.

"I guess they don't like me any more."

"What did I do wrong?"

"I'm such a fuck up."

"They left me. I'm always going to be alone."

That’s pretty much spot on how it goes. And I'm guessing some of y'all are reading this and nodding your head.

The spiral goes deep and it happens fast over the smallest thing.

It could be a look someone gives you. Or they didn't laugh at a joke. Or they forget your birthday. Or they didn't remember that thing you told them a week ago that was important to you.

The stories we tell ourselves are so so so cruel. I still struggle with these. I get high anxiety and fear as my mind starts spiralling.

I'm learning to pause when I start telling myself a negative story about someone else, no matter how "true" the story seems. And ... fr fr fr ... THEY ALWAYS SEEM TRUE!!!!

I pause. I say ... what if there are other reasons at play? Maybe they didn't text back because they are busy? Maybe their phone is dead? Maybe they are in the car and can't text and drive? Maybe ... a million other things that have ZERO to do with me and my worth as a human being.

Because odds are ... that is what's happening.

And if not? If something is legit wrong in the relationshp? Well shit ... going into sad death spiral gloom and doom mode isn't helping anyone with anything. You know what does help? COMMUNICATION.

"Hey, I feel like we've been a bit distant lately. I wanted to check in to make sure everything is ok?"

"I want you to know that I've been feeling a bit of anxiety and want to talk through things. Can we do that?"

"You didn't text me back for a few days, and it made me very anxious. Is everything ok?"

You need to find the things for the specific situation but the right people are going to be ok with honest and open communication. If it scares them off, well, shit ... this is super hard for me to say lol but ... it's ok to let people go if they don't want to be authentic and don't want to deal with you being authentic.

But dial back your stories. Pause them. Remember the world doesn't revolve around you and if they didn't notice your hair cut, it doesn't mean the world has ended and they hate you. They have a million things going on in their life and I bet if you say "so what do you think of my new hair cut?", they will engage on it.

I've got more but ... this is already a lot.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Seriously. You are so strong and capable and you've come so far and faced so much hardship. You deserve someone to take care of you and ... that person you deserve is you.

Take care of you first. People have told me that for a long time and I never understood it.

It's so easy to care for others and be kind to others.

Turn that inwards. You got this.

[safety-pin-punk]

FYI: the author of that ""they deserve to die" is something you should never hear a leftist say. if you do, run" post is a Zionist. I guess that mindset doesn't apply to brown people, huh?

But also, you should consider that this is an extremely shallow view of leftism and violence as a tactic. What, you're a "punk" and you think any punk space got safe without a few nazis getting their teeth kicked in? They didn't. Sorry.

I hope you develop a punk mindset that's a little less about shitty bands and an aesthetic and a little more about having firmer political opinions and not agreeing with Zionists.

Your concern in the first paragraph was addressed in a previous post I’ll link to here.

Going off of that, I’m not sure what on my blog, besides the controversy surrounding this specific post (which again has already been addressed), would ever make you think that I would exclude anyone from the statement of ‘we shouldn't say anyone deserves to die’??? I simply. Do not think humans should be killing other humans. At all. Anywhere. On either side of any war. Like. One human should not be granted the power to decide the lifespan of another in my opinion

On that note, being anti-war is actually both a very punk stance AND a left-wing movement. Though I agree, it is a shallow view of leftism. Because leftism is SO much more than a single movement (like the civil rights movement, the feminist movement, the LGBTQ+ movement, the environmentalism movement, anarchy, socialism, the labor movement, and GOD the list goes on). But also. It *does* include being anti-war and anti-'they deserve to die'.

As far as Punk being anti-war and taking non-violent approaches to the larger socio-political changes in the world, I'd recommend looking into Peace Punk. It was very popular in the 70's and early 80's with bands like Subhumans, Zounds, and The Mob. Here's a great beginner article on it!

As to your point about nazis. I promise you I'm not oblivious to the history behind the phrase 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'. I also would have hoped that someone would be able to see nuance in a statement that say 'lets not say everyone deserves death' and not read it as 'we should let nazis do what they want'. Because that would be stupid. And if you've interacted with my blog for any real length of time, then you would know that I ALWAYS support punching nazis. But evidently that must have slipped your brain.

Now as far as this part of your ask: "I hope you develop a punk mindset that's a little less about shitty bands and an aesthetic and a little more about having firmer political opinions"

First of all buddy, I think I've already demonstrated that my political opinions are pretty firmly set (and that someone hoping on anon isn't going to change them). Personally, I don't feel the need to scream about my political stances every second of the day to make myself feel validated and like a good person. Because I have a life outside of the internet. But you do you I guess. I would however say that its kinda a dick move to just assume that others aren't well educated or have developed opinions when you've evidently only looked at a single post on my blog without actually looking at my blog. Otherwise you would have seen the EXTENSIVE amount of research and punk culture that I've written about or collected either on my own or in collaboration with others.

Really its either that you just didn't look, or because you didn't immediately agree with me, that you decided that my political views had a very shaky foundation. In which case, please do grow the fuck up and learn how to deal with people that have differing opinions than you without being a bitch and ranting about it on anon thanks.

Also. I like my 'shitty bands'. Get over it (Also like. Punk is inherently connected to music and shitty bands? Do you not know that? Do you understand where punk even comes from? I'm all for not needing to listen to punk music to be a punk as long as you align with other facets of the counter culture, but being told NOT to focus on music that is politically charged and full of punk values and history. Well that's a new one lol)

And lastly. Dude if you don't like me, you don't have to be here? You can leave? No one is forcing you to read anything on my blog??? Bye???

[prompts-by-anjali]

prompts masterlist

*smoothly turns around in swivel chair, petting a kitty in my lap* oh, hello. i didn't see you there. all the same, thanks for dropping by. i hope this little side blog helps you with some character inspiration and dialogue. else, try petting the kitty. it always helps me. *kitty jumps over to you for pets*

if the feline isn't the fix, requests are open. feel free to request dialogue prompts, an overly specific character archetype, or submit your own :)

✨ overly specific character archetypes ✨

the unhinged character

the wholesome fangirl character

the “i am shit” or “i am THE shit” character

the pure adrenaline character

the coward character

the villain-turned-mother-hen character

the reluctant villain

the well-meaning jinxed character

the polite rogue character

the tone deaf character

the infinitely armed character

the unassuming genius character

the “never hurt kids” character

the parent figure character

the himbo character

the comic-relief-turned-tragic character

the “ray of sunshine with a dark backstory” character

the “light among shadows” character

the broken ace character

the secret heir character

the gentle giant character

the “it’s all about the presentation” character

the “hopelessly pining” characters

the character who clearly needs therapy and a hug too probably

the "horror movie first kill" character

the extremely prepared character

the character who finally snaps

the character who breaks away

the "exponential gratitude" character

the "harem magnet" character

the character who will fight for your honor at all costs, even if you don't need them to

the character who appreciates culinary artistry

the "boy cried wolf" character

the "save the world" character

the "screw the world" character

the withering ace character

the parentified child character

the masked ace character

the "well-read by no bedside manner" character

the "sixth sense" character

the olive branch character

the wilted ace character

the "bridges have been burned" character

the "peacemaker in the battlefield" character

the "can only trust one person" character

the "soulless avenger" character

the "needs to take their own advice" character

✨ dialogue prompts ✨

that was a bust

i assumed you'd be disappointed

this isn't where we're supposed to be

i trusted you

do i know you?

i love you

why are you staring at me

and that's another case, all wrapped up

you had everything

you don't understand what i've been through

i never thought i'd see you again

i need your help

you love me?

i can, y'know. patch you up good

how long have you been spying on me, you pervert

go get out

i've wanted to ask you this question

you're three minutes late (princess x commoner)

what are you hiding

i can't believe you did that

and don't say fake-out make-out

can you not get killed so much

i'm not going to let you do this alone

these are how fights go

this isn't what i signed up for

i thought you said you had a plan

you're not too bad at this

dude! you just saved my life

that was a mouse

why don't you ever stay dead?

don't leave me here. please

i told them the ransom and they asked me for a discount

you're not real

i would do anything for you, your highness

oi. can you stop crying so loud

don't give me the silent treatment

you did this

we survived!

i could kiss you right now

will you not scream in terror now

get it over with

i'm home

that's it. im leaving

how have you not left yet

you're hurt, human

it's always been you

hey (meet disaster)

here to make fun of me?

you're so cute when you struggle