"Marinette, your coping mechanisms aren't healthy. Please, go see a therapist. You don't need to say that you're Ladybug." Said Alya.
And she's not wrong.
Marinette's first response is to push everyone away and isolate herself. It's why Alya, Alix, Rose, Juleka, and Myléne were akumatized as the Gang if Secrets, after Marinette told them that "I don't need friends."
Alya saw Marinette tell Chat Noir that maybe she doesn't need him, when she knows that what she said was a load of bullshit. Marinette loves that cat more than everyone (second only to Adrien), whether she'd admit it or not.
Then she'd try to face it alone. Alone. Even when it's clear she isn't okay, she tries to face it alone.
Her next response is to lie. Not in a selfish and deceiving way, no. She'll lie for others. Heck, she let Adrien believe that the scarf she made him was from his father all because he looked so happy. Marinette's most selfish lie, in Alya's opinion, is her alter ego, but even that isn't for evil intentions. She lies to spare others the pain. Not a good thing, but it's not selfish.
Then, she'd run. Figuratively, but she'd run. From her feelings, from the world. From everyone. She'd just run.
And to top it all off, she'd wear that same warm, kind, and gentle smile everyday, fooling everybody. Making everyone think that she's okay. No one even realizes, Marinette's figurative mask is even more convincing than her mask as Ladybug.
Alya hates seeing her like this.
Marinette is the first real hero she's met, even before she knew about her alter ego.
Of course, she wasn't perfect. She had her flaws, she's made really bad choices in the past, but would make up for it, and she keeps trying to be a better person everyday.
The girl would always be there to help others in every way she can. Everytime, without asking for anything in return.
"Please, Marinette." Alya pleaded. "Just try it."
Alya waits for Marinette's response.
Marinette doesn't say anything.
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“I am ninety-nine percent sure I know who Chat Noir is.”
It was a heck of a thing to drop out of the blue, but since Marinette revealed her identity to Ladybug, Marinette had gotten used to Alya texting or calling at odd hours with sudden revelations.
(“THAT’S how you knew Lila was lying?!”)
(“So when you skipped on our hangout sess a few months ago, was it because-”)
(“I’m just saying, I know I guy who might be able to doxx Hawk Moth.”)
Unlike her usual stunning revelations though, this one was not one Marinette already knew.
“Okay,” Marinette said, blinking to keep her eyes from completely bugging out of their sockets. “How do you-”
“I just felt like I should be honest, you know?” Alya chuckled. “Since...you know-”
“Yeah, no...thanks,” Marinette said, slightly dazed. “I...um...how do you know?”
“Well...let’s just say I noticed a pattern,” Alya said, chewing on the corner of her lip. “Do you want to know who-”
“No,” Marinett said, before quickly adding. “I mean...it would be better to keep things between us secret for now.”
Alya opened her mouth, an argument on the tip of her tongue, but seemed to swallow it with a nod. “Okay...yeah, sure, I get it.”
“It’s not that I don’t trust him,” Marinette said quickly, maybe more for her own benefit than Alya’s. “I do! I swear! I just-”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Alya said quickly.
“And he’s wanted to reveal ourselves to each other for a long time,” Marinette muttered, ignoring Alya’s easy-out. “I was the one who insisted we keep our identities secret and I’m just...really, really not looking forward to the conversation where I tell him I was the one to break our no-sharing rule...you think he’ll be mad?”
“You tell me ,” Alya said, throwing her hands up. “He’s your partner-”
“He’s going to be mad ,” Marinette moaned, burying her face in her hands. “And hurt and-”
“And...so what?” Alya asked.
“So he’s my partner and we already have this...trust...thing between us,” Marinette sighed. “Long story short the last Guardian wasn’t a very good teacher to him and he’s had to deal with being locked out of the loop before...I just worry that I keep asking him to trust me while constantly keeping secrets from him.”
“And he’s keeping one from you,” Alya said gently. “Kind of a crappy situation all around but...well, let’s just say I think he’s a really understanding guy.”
“I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who constantly has to just understand me though,” Marinette said with a wince. “Sorry, I don’t mean to keep dumping all my Ladybaggage on you.”
“I’ll tell you if I’ve had enough,” Alya said firmly, squeezing Marinette’s wrist. “I don’t mind; really.”
If she lived another hundred years, she would never stop trying to return the kindness and understanding Alya had displayed to her since revealing her identity.
“Thanks,” Marinette said,, the movie on the screen forgotten as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “So...n-not that I’m prying for details but...this guy you think is Chat Noir-”
“Sounds like you’re prying for details,” Alya snickered. “Don’t tell me you’re curious about him.”
“Of course I am!” Marinette huffed. “Wouldn’t you be?”
“I don’t need to be curious; I figured out my boyfriend’s identity by myself,” Alya said smugly. “You want covert deets?”
Marinette weighed her words carefully before speaking. “Is he...out of costume...when he goes home...is he happy?”
Alya’s expression was unreadable for a long moment. “Do you want the truth or...do you want me to say something that will make you feel good?”
“Well that tells me the truth probably sucks, doesn’t it?” Marinette sighed, rubbing her eyes. “He’s got...he’s got a lot of friends, right?”
“He has a...few really good ones,” Alya reasoned.
“And his family?” Marinette asked.
“His family...exists,” Alya said as diplomatically as she could. “Look, we’re treading on major spoiler territory here; can you tell me what you want to know so I can pull it out from all the other information?”
Marinette stared down at her hands thoughtfully for a moment. “...being the Guardian by myself has been one of the loneliest times in my life. I have you now; I had Master Fu for a lot longer than he did. It would make me feel better if I knew Chat Noir was...okay outside the suit. But I think you just answered my question.”
“Look, I can’t tell you how he feels,” Alya said, rubbing Marinette’s shoulder gently. “I can’t read minds, Mari...but-”
“You think I should tell him about me?” Marinette asked hesitantly.
“I think that’s your call,” Alya said. “Do you want my advice?”
“You think I should talk to him,” Marinette said, deflating a little.
“If he finds out from someone who isn’t you, it’s not gonna do wonders for the whole Trust thing you got going on,” Alya said. “And...look, I think it’s great you reached out to me. And I think whatever you want to do with your identity is your business...but I think he deserves the same opportunity to confide in someone. In fact...I think he really needs it.”
“But how do I know he’ll pick the right person?” Marinette blurted out. “What if he picks someone who Hawk Moth compromises and-”
“Didn’t you just say you trusted him?” Alya asked, stopping Marinette’s catastrophizing in her tracks.
“I do...I promise I do...but-”
“You either do or you don’t,” Alya said softly. “And telling him that you broke your rules and he can’t is not going to convince him you trust him. Saying you trust someone is like saying you’re going to work out; you don’t get the results unless you actually do it.”
“I could pick someone for him,” Marinette muttered, looking up at Alya. “Someone trustworthy.”
“Someone you trust,” Alya said. “This has to be someone he trusts. Or else what’s the point?”
“You already know though!” Marinette said.
“ Hey Chat Noir, I completely trust you with my life but also, I’m going to make the choice of who you can and can’t talk to about your personal business,” Alya said, watching Marinette’s nose wrinkle in irritation. “Tell me how that chat is going to go.”
“You know ignoring your advice is getting harder now that you know about me,” Marinette grumbled, crossing her arms.
“Ignore it if you want; just don’t be surprised if this pushes you apart,” Alya shrugged.
“It won’t, he’ll…” Marinette trailed off. “He wouldn’t stop being my partner over this, right?”
“And if he did?” Alya probed. “Just pick a new Chat Noir.”
“I don’t-” Marinette swallowed, shaking her head. “No...I don’t want another Chat Noir.”
“Then you’re going to have to keep this one,” Alya said, squeezing her shoulder. “That means being honest and fair with your partner; if not about your identity, then about his .”
Marinette nodded mutely, turning her gaze back to the movie as Alya stood up. “Want something from the kitchen?”
“I’m good,” Marinette said, fidgeting with her bracelet as she tried not to dread the conversation she knew she had to have.
---
To his credit, the storm of accusations she imagined would come out of Chat Noir’s mouth did not come; Ladybug might have felt better if they did.
Instead, her partner looked dazed, blinking and nodding as his gaze turned away from her. “...okay-”
“I swear this is not about you,” Ladybug said quickly, tugging on Chat Noir’s arm as he turned away from her. “And it doesn’t mean I don’t trust you! I swear I do.”
“No I...I understand,” Chat Noir said, the cheer in his voice becoming more and more forced. “Um...you know, I-I have a lot of homework to do tonight-”
“Chat...please look at me,” Ladybug said, tilting her partner’s face towards hers. Of course she had made him cry, but she tried to push down her guilt. This wasn’t about what she did; given the same choice, she would have picked Alya again, even if it meant hurting Chat Noir in the process.
“I know I don’t have a lot of opportunities to display how much I trust you,” Ladybug said, licking her lips. “So it probably feels like I just tossed aside a huge chance to show how much you mean to me...but this was about me doing what I needed-”
“You don’t need to...you’re the Guardian-”
“That doesn't make me your master !” Ladybug said emphatically, startling Chat Noir out of his daze. “That doesn’t mean I can control who you talk to and who you confide in! I still...I still think we’re too close and rely on each other too much to jeopardize our working relationship...but if there’s someone in your life you trust, I...I want you to have the same opportunity. To confide in someone you trust.”
“Not you though,” Chat Noir muttered.
“There has to be someone else,” Ladybug said almost desperately. “Tell me I’m not the only person in your life you can rely on…”
Alya had been such a positive force in her life since she had told her; she thought back to all the times they had stayed up late talking, all the times Alya had listened to her vent about akuma, all the nights she held her hand because she had watched Chat Noir die to save her yet again.
Was there no one Chat Noir could turn to when he was alone?
Chat Noir seemed to chew it over for a long moment, blinking back tears still as he tried to grapple with the fact his relationship with Ladybug had shifted out from underneath him yet again. “...do I have to tell you who it is?”
“I think it’s better if you don’t,” Ladybug said softly. “Sorry...if I knew who you trusted, I might be able to figure out who you are. This way...I’m not the only one keeping secrets-”
“I don’t want to keep secrets,” Chat Noir grumbled.
“I know,” Ladybug sighed. “And I promise, I swear, the minute Hawk Moth is gone, there will be no more secrets between us! This... mess of half-truths and half-lies will end and we can just be-”
The idea of being something to Chat Noir outside the mask was something not even Alya knew; a secret all her own that might never come to light.
“This is just for now,” Ladybug said firmly. “Not forever.”
Chat Noir nodded, once again resigned to a fate someone else had picked for him. “I get it...I do.”
“Are you mad at me?” Ladybug asked.
Chat Noir weighed the answer for a long moment. “...no,” Chat Noir said with a shrug. “Just...can we pick this up some other time? I wasn’t kidding about the homework.”
For the first time there was a real wall between her and Chat Noir and Ladybug was shocked by how much she detested it.
“I understand,” Ladybug said quietly. “But I meant what I said when I said you should find someone to turn to. I wish I could help you with everything, but-”
“For now...you can’t,” Chat Noir nodded, putting on a brave face. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Ladybug let Chat Noir slip out of her fingertips, momentarily reaching out to pull him back before thinking better of herself. She didn’t expect him to be sunshine and rainbows after telling him, but as firm as she was in her convictions, it still sucked to see him in pain.
Just deal with it yourself like he has to, Ladybug thought as she watched Chat Noir turn and dive off the roof of the building. Alya’s had enough on her plate...you don’t need to bother her with-
Her resolve lasted until she transformed, blinking back tears as she pulled her phone out of her pocket.
---
“Did I do the right thing?”
Alya said nothing, running her hands through Ladybug’s hair as she laid her head on her lap.
“Sometimes...doing the right thing hurts people as a result,” Alya said carefully. “It’s just a sucky part of life.”
“I hate it,” Ladybug sniffed, wiping her eyes with another tissue. “I think he thinks I love keeping secrets from him but...I really hate it. It makes me feel so alone...and I don’t want him to feel that way either.”
“And he can figure out how to feel less alone himself now,” Alya said soothingly. “This guy...I know he has at least one really great friend.”
“Like you?”
“...maybe a little better,” Alya said fondly. “I know he’d move earth to put a smile on Chat Noir’s face, so maybe let this problem fall in his lap instead of yours. You don’t have to do everything to make everyone happy all the time.”
“I want to,” Ladybug muttered.
“ Everybody includes you ,” Alya said firmly. “Take care of yourself first ; let Chat Noir take care of himself now.”
“I worry about him though,” Ladybug said quietly.
Alya glanced down at her phone, seeing a message from Nino flash on her screen.
Nino: hey babe
Nino: can’t make it tonight
Nino: adrien sounds really upset and said he wanted to talk to me about something
“Don’t." Alya smiled as she laid the phone on the bed beside her. “He’s in good hands.”
Ao3
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