#Pissface

[galar-abortion-clinic]

Feat my darling @pierswife’s sona

He was a chupacabra. She was a scwewy wabbit

🖤☠️🧷Can i make it anymore obvious?🧷☠️🖤

[whitenikes]

peepaw we're going to old yeller you.

[ms-hells-bells]

an irishman walks into a store on st patricks day and wants to buy a hat, but was too drunk to buy the hat so he left.

there is no punchline, this happened at our store today.

[vulturevanity]

Finishing all my analysis posts with "anyway watch Futari Wa Precure" because that show is genuinely cool and has great characters and a guy named Pissard

If nothing else, watch Futari Wa Precure for my man Pissard

[the-muppet-joker]

hello, feltfucker.

I will be calling you shaft, cock, dick, whiny little testicle cunt, asswipe, pissface, feltfucker or any other creative insults my depraved mind can come up with.

you have made an error. heh... thats another one of your little... "mistakes", isnt it? always, I have found you. and now it is TOO LATE for you to hide behind your sword and faceprint.

*I laugh coldly, swiping my raven black bangs aside with my claws and licking my lips. I have found my prey. it is time to feed on the weak...*

my wife... or, as she might say it, "ex-wife", was always too good for an imbible like you. I understand that you hate women, that you are gay, but by jove, she did not deserve to be humiliated like that... she did NOT deserve a husband who didnt even love her. she did NOT deserve a man disgusted by her. she did NOT deserve to be strung along, taking pity on a stuffed up plush-cunt.

*my eyes go red... the colour of your blood, which will imminently be spilled onto my lips, splattering like a juicy cherry.*

she...

*I stalk forwards, growling with every word.*

she deserved me...

Not now I am in church

[zimt-deathnote]

Hi Zimt! Since it's M2's death anniversary (sobs), I was wondering how would Matt react to Mello's death if he managed to survive?

Sure, Anon. Let's suffer together, yeah?

Matt bolts out of his car to the truck in the old church to find Mello lying limp over the steering wheel and a panicking Takada in the cargo bed begging for her life. This is the most helpless Matt has ever felt and he has a complete breakdown, dragging Mello out of the truck, rocking him, talking, mumbling, putting his vest around him and bawling his eyes out.

Mello has always been the shotcaller of the two, the main character. Matt only followed wherever Mello went. Now he‘s all alone, desperate, delusional. After sitting outside for a while, letting reality sink in, he enters the truck again, sitting opposite of Takada on the floor with Mello still in his arms as if he wanted to say “look at what you did, asshole” and silently debates on what to do. Shoot Takada? Let Takada write his name too? Call for help? Who? Halle? Near? What would Mello have done? Matt feels rage taking over while he’s overthinking, he gets hold of Takadas phone, looks up the last dialed number and calls fucking Light Yagami. And Matt dares to be as vulgar and degrading as possible.

"Takada, I told you not to-" "Listen up you little pissface. You‘re Light Yagami, aren‘t you?" Light just hears a male voice he doesn't recognise on the other end and his mind goes ???????????? Who the hell is this???? "... is this Mello?" "No, you fucking cunt. This is Matt." Let your imagination run wild on what hyper-specific slurs Matt throws at Light over the phone. He's aware that the whole task force is listening in on this call and straight up insults them as well on being an incompetent clown party, not seeing the devil right beside them. Maybe he ends the call with something like "and I hope Near busts your ass so hard you can stick your bloody notebook up your ass sideways and it falls right back out, you self-righteous motherfucker."

Sorry for being a little dramatic on this. I'll get back to drawing happier things soon 💛

[shadow-bagel]

Jude dragging Cardan back to their room: cmon pissface let’s go

Cardan, drunk out of his mind, flopping down in front of the doorway: I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a wife and I love her

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

req'd by @honourablefool

.... I really don't want to know the specifics of this affliction, do i?

text: You don't want your friends to have pissface!

[fictionalcharactersaremypassion]

Are You Thirsty, Mister?

“You owe me for this,” Mandy grumbled, crossing one leg over the other, getting as comfortable on this bench as could be expected. 

“Oh, fuck off. What else were you gonna do today?” Mickey said, agitation creeping up. All week Yev had been begging and pleading with him to take him to the park, and for the life of him, couldn’t understand why Mickey got so uncomfortable whenever it was brought up. 

Hell, he knew it sounded stupid, but it wasn’t something he could just shake off. 

It was only a couple years into being Yev’s full time dad. He and Lana tried the whole coparenting thing until she eventually decided to give him full custody while she went off to God knows where to do God knows what. 

The switch completely pulled him out of his element. Prior to this, all three of them lived together in spite of him and Lana not being in a relationship now that he’d accepted his sexuality. Back than, he hadn’t minded going out in public with the two of them. It looked normal , it felt normal . But coming here alone as a single, gay dad- despite being out to most people he knew- wasn’t something he would do just yet. 

Not when there was the chance of being approached by another parent, probably asking about the kid’s mother and no way in hell was he about to go down that road with some stranger. 

“Get laid,” she said nonchalantly. Mickey made a noise of disgust. “That guy from last night I told you about, he texted me. Asked me if I wanted to come over.” 

“Spare me the fucking details.” No fucking way he was going to talk about his sister’s sex life. 

“What’s your problem, pissface?” Mandy eyed him, a smirk growing. “Do you need to get laid too?” 

Mickey flipped her off, not looking at her but rather Yev, who was sliding down the slide and then going back up to do it again. 

“How long has it been since you fucked?” She continued. “Since you were with Lana, right?” 

“Mind your fucking business.” 

“Just go find someone,” she shrugged. “I’ll watch Yev for you.” 

He scoffed. “I’m not fucking some stranger.” 

“Didn’t stop you from fucking all those girls in high school,” she muttered under her breath. 

The annoyance that had flared up deflated a little. He grimaced at the reminder of your younger self, the one who thought he had to prove something, prove that he wasn’t as down for dick as he actually was. 

“Things change,” he said gruffly when he managed to think up something to say. 

Mandy stared at him for a few seconds, cracking up. “Oh my God .” 

“What?” He snapped. 

“You’re really doing this-being the responsible dad now, huh?” She reached out to ruffle his hair. He shoved her hand away. 

“Get the fuck away from me!” 

Mandy laughed again. “I’m just messing with you, Mick.”

Mickey scowled, not amused in the slightest. 

There weren’t that many options for him here. Much less another gay guy who’d be fine dating a guy with a kid. 

And alright, it wasn’t just that. He’d just never found someone who sparked his interest. 

Didn’t stop Mandy from trying. She showed him countless tinder profiles no matter how many times he told her not to. 

“Daddy, Daddy!” Yev was rushing towards them, his face flushed, and his hair sweaty. 

“What?” Sometimes it struck Mickey just how different of a childhood his son was having compared to how his and Mandy’s were. Terry never took them to the park. He didn't do most of the things Mickey did for Yev. And the more time he spent with his son, the less he understood how Terry had been the kind of father he was with them all. 

“There’s a baby over there,” Yev was pointing, grinning in excitement. 

His son had this weird affinity with babies. Who knows where the fuck he got that from. 

“Oh, that’s nice-” Mickey started, only for Yev to get louder, insistent that he look . 

And he did, his mouth drying out instantly. 

There was some redheaded guy a little ways away, on the other side of the playground. He was holding onto a baby in his lap, smiling down at it tenderly, not too differently than Mickey had done with his own son. 

Mickey’s stomach did this weird little flip like he was some fucking teenage girl. 

Mandy peered at him too. She grinned slyly, nudging him. He refused to look at her, knowing she’d open her fucking mouth again. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, it came out  almost unconsciously. He was still staring, watching the guy kiss the baby on the forehead. “He’s hot.” 

At this, Yev looked thoughtful. Neither one of them noticed that he’d taken his unopened water bottle and started walking in that direction. 

“Put the fuck me eyes away before he notices,” Mandy snickered, going back to her phone. Probably to text that tinder guy. “Jesus, how are you still single and this obvious?” 

The retort on Mickey’s tongue evaporated as soon as he heard Yev exclaiming, 

“Hi, Mister! Are you thirsty?” 

Oh my God ....Mickey froze, seeing Yev stand in front of that redheaded guy, holding out his water bottle. 

A grin slowly stretched out on Mandy’s face. “Oh my God.” 

The redheaded guy wasn’t at all bothered by Yev’s sudden presence. He smiled kindly, adjusting his hold on the baby. “No, thank you. I’m fine.” 

“Oh,” Yev said, sounding a bit confused. “But my Daddy said you looked hot.” 

Fuck! Mickey couldn’t help but flush with embarrassment when the redheaded guy glanced over at them. After Yev pointed them out, of course. 

Beside him, Mandy was shaking with silent laughter, almost sliding off the bench completely. 

“He did, huh?” The redheaded guy said, wearing his own grin. 

“Uh huh!” Yev nodded. “I’m Yevgeny but my Daddy calls me Yev. He never calls me Yevgeny. He told my Aunt Mandy it’s a weird ass name.” 

Really, kid? Mickey groaned. 

The guy laughed. “It’s nice to meet you, Yev. I’m Ian.” 

Ian . Mickey’s stomach was fluttering again. 

But Yev was looking at the baby and didn’t seem to care about Ian’s name. “Is that your baby?” He asked. 

“No, not my baby,” Ian corrected patiently. “This is Freddie. He’s my nephew.” 

“Oh,” Yev said and then told him with enthusiasm, “I like babies!” 

“Yeah? I like babies too,” Ian agreed. “If your dad doesn’t mind, you can come closer.” 

Yev immediately turned around, bellowing, “Daddy, can I see the baby?” 

Ian’s eyes landed on him. Mickey said yes without really thinking about it. 

Yev whooped. Ian’s head lowered, his attention on the two boys. 

“You going over there?” Mandy said without looking at him. “Or are you gonna have your son do all the talking for you?” 

Mickey shifted. “He’s not...he’s just admiring the baby.” 

“While you admire the dad,” she said smugly. 

“Uncle,” he said, only to realize his mistake as soon as the word left his mouth. 

“My mistake.” 

Asswipe. 

“Daddy, come over and see the baby!” Yev hollered. 

And well, he was no coward. Mickey rose to his feet, his legs feeling heavy while walking over there. 

Ian looked up, smiling at him too while Yev was curiously touching the baby’s hand. “I’m Ian,” he introduced himself. 

“Yeah, I heard,” Mickey rubbed the back of his neck. “Mickey.” 

“Is this your son? Ian asked. 

“Yeah. He’s six.” 

Ian nodded like he was filing that information away for later. “Freddie’s not a year old yet, but I thought he might enjoy the park anyway. Figured I’d give my brother and his wife a break.” 

“Yeah...” Mickey didn’t usually struggle with words but there was something about this guy that threw him off his groove. “The kid’s been asking me to come here so we did.” 

We , Ian looked past Mickey where Mandy was still sitting, typing away. 

Mickey knew what he might be thinking. For some fucking reason, he and Mandy have been mistaken for a couple before. Especially when Yev was with then. 

“That’s my sister,” he explained. 

Something passed over Ian’s face. “Oh,” he said and it was probably just Mickey’s imagination, but he sounded... happier or something. 

“Yeah...” 

Yev glanced up at them, deciding all by himself that he liked Ian and wanted to keep him around for a while. “Daddy, Aunt Mandy said we can get ice cream.” 

“Yeah.” She’d that on the way in. “Do you wanna leave now?” 

Some part of him might be...disappointed that they would leave now. Sure, he didn’t have much else to say to the guy- Ian , his brain supplied- but he was pretty good to look at. 

“Can Ian and the baby come with us?” Yev stuck out his lower lip, a trick Mandy taught him. “ Please ?” 

What the hell is he supposed to say to this? 

“Do you want ice cream?” Yev asked Ian directly, hoping it would help the outcome. 

“I’d love some,” Ian said but he wasn’t looking at Yev. “If your dad says it’s okay.” 

Mickey doesn’t really have to think about that either.  

“Sure.” 

[roronoa]

i like to headcanon mihawk as a goth latino which means he 100% serenaded shanks by singing te quiero puta by rammstein while pissfaced drunk

[galar-abortion-clinic]

*record scratch*

*freeze frame*

Yup, thats me. Youre probably wondering how i ended up in this situation

[mysticficti0n]

heyhey B!

I love ur writing more than I love air ykwim but I want to ask if you can write Y/n finding out their show has been canceled and the TH boys back her up when she starts arguing with the managers (they're like 16-17 ish in this)

also congrats on the job !!!

thanks sugar ❤︎

Okay yes- I love writing for angry characters 🤭

Don't F*ck with her

∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞��　∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　

warnings- swearing, roughhousing?

words- 1.1k

(I used my friend Erik for the managers name btw she said he would be a bald fat guy?)

"you're joking?" Y/n rose from her make-up chair were she had already finished her look and was ready for the stage "no- Lynsey your fucking with me right? we're meant to be on in literally twenty minuets and you come in here and tell me it's canceled!" the girl was seething

"Y/n I'm sorry- you need to speak with the manager I can't do anything" her assistant directed with a sorry face "I was just told, the audience will find out soon" Y/n shot past Lynsey who quickly followed her to the boys changing room, the sound of laughing and jokes broke as she yanked the door open

"he fucking canceled the show" Y/n spat

"what?" the boys faces dropped "what do you mean canceled?"

"fucking canceled it! I swear to god I'm going to go ape-shit on Chris right fucking now, who's coming?" with a face like thunder Tom got up followed by his brother and the others "Lyn where are they?"

"follow me" Lyn had worked with the band for years she was one of their best friends and knew that they'd had enough with this new manager Chris constantly messing things up, the red-haired girl directed them to the 'office room' where Chris was sat watching tv "sir- the band are here to see you" he sighed

"yes?" Y/n shoved past the door and eyed the man up "Y/n?"

"canceled?!" Bill asked but was more of a 'are you taking the piss?' sort of voice "were meant to be on soon!"

"I realise that- but" Tom looked toward the girl who was chewing her lip to the point blood would probably start dripping "look"

"No you look right fucking here- we have a whole audience out there still oblivious to the fact were not going on and what reason are we meant to give? our managers a stupid dickwad who is messing around the 5 people who make him the money that feeds his fucking family hm?" Chris stood up from his seat and walked toward the girl, the boys took a step back but she stayed in her place, Gustav reached toward the girl but she didn't budge. Chris was now an inch away from her face, their eyes locked "you don't scare me- not anymore I'm not gonna let you do anything more to our band-"

"who says you have a choice- I own you all, I could snatch every reputation you ever have away from you in a second" his hand went around the girl jaw before letting go quickly "so go back to you room- take off that slutish make up and shut your mouths- understand me?" Bill had enough of seeing Y/n toyed with, he stepped forward shoving the man off her space, a laugh beloved from the man as he turned to the boys, eyes mostly set upon Bill

"don't fucking touch my brother-" Tom spoke pulling Bill back to him "you are fucking ruining our careers and like Y/n said- you pull this show, not one of us get any money- so grow a fucking pair you bald prick and let us play"

"you're a fucking stupid cunt- your making our lives a fucking nightmare" Gustav yelled getting nods from the other 4

"think I'm going to listen to 5 little kids? you're all pathetic" Georg scoffed

"mate your what 55 and make your living of us- your last band fired you so you came to us, who said we ever wanted a money stealing, pervy, pissface owning us?"

"good point- actually tell you what Chris get your shit together- your fired and were going onto that god-damn-fucking stage and telling that whole ass stadium, guys get your stuff were going" Bill walked out and straight to stage, the Tokio Hotel intro hadn't even played but the 5 walked on and the audience roared as they entered "HELLO GEORGIA" the band yelled

"so were sorry about the hold up but we wanna say something- so you all know Chris Satpled? yeah well we just fucking fired the lunatic as he was cancelling our shows and was trying to cancel tonights" Y/n screamed to them all and a huge boo ran through the people making the band clap them, the 5 ran to their instruments, Tom, Georg and Y/n went to get their guitars, Bill and Georg went to their places and waited for the three

"were gonna preform for you all tonight and we'll have a special song for Chris later-" Bill laughed as the band began playing

∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　

"Thank you for a wonderful show everyone and as we said we have a very special song for Chris- so it goes like this- FUCK CHRIS SATPLED FUCK CHRIS SATPLED FUCK CHRIS SATPLED FUCK CHRIS SATPLED" Bill started a chant through the whole stadium of people, the guitarist kept strumming a beat they created along with Gustav and the crowd, Y/n took a step forward to the mic and coughed

"Oh these were bought by Chris' company so-" she took a step back, unhooking the guitar strap from her and slamming it to the floor and a cheer shot from everyone, next Tom and Georg started smashing their guitars and the sound of symbols crashing to the floor as Gustav kicked them down and stabbed the skins of his drums and shoved them along with the kit

The band all met at the front and took one last bow before going off and jumping at each other laughing, they had backstage runners asking what they were doing but the band ignored them all.

Time past and they knew that a crowd would be outside and they also knew Chris would have to walk through them all, they waited at the exit doors and Chris was their speaking with the bands security, their ex-manager took one last look at the all and rolled his eyes "punks"

"get fucked you absolute wank stain- I hope you get fucked over again and again" Y/n grinned waving to the man who pull his coat taught

"I'll find a better band who respects a man like me" Tom shook his head walking to the man and patting his shoulder

"good luck finding a better band than us you knob- now get the fuck out" the people outside cheer's turned to boo's as the stumpy man walked out, water was thrown at him and the chant started again making the band burst out laughing and soon followed his last footsteps, Tom walked close to the girl as they calmed down grabbing things to sign from fans "you know what- we found you all pretty hot when angry" Y/n laughed shoving him away "hey don't just attack me we all did"

"shut it Kaulitz- I swear to god I'll kill you all" she walked away from the 4 boys and started speaking with fans and taking pictures

"don't fuck with her huh?" Georg laughed

"agreed" the other joined following Y/n "hot though?" Gustav looked to the boys who quickly nodded and all started giggling away

[noctilionoidea]

made some Greek myth shitposts on sticky notes

This is just like… for fun. This is not how I usually try to approach stories or deities I just wanna make bad jokes and shit. Also I’m so sorry my handwriting is horrible

He’s her babayyyy Athena is the mom of all time

I’m sorry that one statue always makes me burst out laughing

Nysa is my all time fav nymph and dionysos foster mom. There’s barely anything about her 🙃

I think dionysos’ discovery of alcohol was probably like how it was prehistorically discovered, ie monkey around and eat rotting fruit, get pissfaced. I don’t think Nysa would appreciate that in the moment

I’m gonna be so real the war in India is basically a joke to me. His ass would not defeat some of the oldest peoples, cultures and pantheons known to man easily. There are versions where mount Nysa is in India (it’s actually probably Afghanistan in modern geography) he would’ve fucking known, right? He absolutely did not Hellenize the entire Indian subcontinent. Also there’s one story where some of his troops attack a bunch of holy men and get struck down by lightning and it’s so fucking funny to me. Lucian’s version makes the most sense to me because he’s portrayed as a huge underdog. The maenads are absolutely his tanks

the first one is so fucking bad wth

This has the worst composition but i will defend Perseus with my life.

[the-cpu-system]

How do you see rhack?

I don't exactly know what you mean by this but honestly like. I love Rhack, but it's sooooo msicharacterized all the time.

Holo and Rhys are like toxic "can't have what we really" want lovers. Holo consistently manipulates Rhys and bends his own personality to be appealing to him, and I think they're a nice dysfunctional couple. I always like the idea of Holo eventually being willing enough to let Rhys change its code to make it just a little more able to love.

But like human!Jack x Rhys?

No Rhys is not in a crop top and booty shorts and blushing over Jack winking at him from across a bar or something, he's actually probably pissface drunk and wants to kill himself because Jack won't stop talking about timeshares on their "date" (Jack brought them to some shitty bar and is eating a shit ton of appetizers and is probably going to make Rhys pay cus he doesn't wanna)

[channydraws]

Do the AUs of Ichi, Muffin, etc still hold up with the OCified versions? Like are there OC AUs now? Like the everything's wrong au, the zombie au, etc?

I have a weakness for pissface the goat.

okno, not sure. def not taking all of them tho, maybe some concepts but in general nope.

[keter-class-anomaly]

I present a list of alliterative bread themed insults conspired by a few friends of mine:

Sourdough slut

Whole wheat whore

Salt rising skank

Brioche bitch

Focaccia fuckface

Rye retard

Cornbread cunt

Bannana bread bastard

Hoagie Hoe

Milk bread mofo

Pancake pussy

Waffle Wanker

Breadstick bumfucker

Pumpernickel pussylicker

Multigrain minger

Dorayaki dumbfuck

Cloudbread cockass

Tortilla titsucker

Donut dickbag

Ciabatta cuckquean

Cake cumslut

Italian and herb incel

Cheesecake cockblocker

Pie pissface

Grahm cracker gayass

Melonpan muffsucker

Biscuit bumblefuck

Dough dumbass

Tag yourself.