#Personal garbage

[the-mighty-neckbeard]

Is it really Sunday night if you don’t go down a depressive spiral?

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Recently I realized that I don't wear my (small, silver, rather plain) magen David necklace as part of my formal wear for work, and considering the state of the world, I think it's more important than ever to be visible. I will not be silenced. I will not be cowed, or made afraid. I will not hide myself. At least, not now. I think now there is still time, and so it's more important than ever.

And at the same time as I've been wearing it more in public and on more casual work days, I still wouldn't wear it as part of my formal attire. And I realized this recently and actually interrogated that instinct more, and realized it was because I hadn't been considering it to be "professional."

Now why wouldn't it be professional?

Other similarly situated people wear small crosses or crucifixes all the time, and no one says anything. Heck, I've even see people wear similarly tasteful pentacles, Buddhist jewelry, etc. So why wouldn't my understated magen David be similarly fine? Because it might draw unnecessary attention? Because it might be considered "too political"?

Anyway I've started wearing it. I don't accept that line of thinking, in myself or anyone else who might direct it at me.

[bill-gates-hate-blog]

You think you're so virtuous? Prove me wrong! Show me how easy it is to keep your moral compass after being traumatized! Go on! I'll wait.

[woelfin-sheeps-clothing]

The usual, feeling emotions when I don't want to feel them, might delete later, you know the spiel.

I still plan to keep making Jak & Daxter-centric pieces (literally have a bag of prompts I still need to finish like the clothing swaps, gender swaps, etc) but I'd like to expand into more things with monsters (be it Monster High, Monster Prom, my own OCs, etc). I'm so inspired every day by the cool monster art I see, but I also love Jak and Daxter, and it leads to me staring at a blank page flip flopping instead of creating.

So fear not, I'll still be making JnD content if that's what you follow me for, but it might not be quite as regularly as it used to be. I'm impressed at the speed at which I was pumping out pieces for a while, and can remember when even simple stuff might take me a while to complete.

But I don't want my Patreon to subsist on fan art inspired pieces forever.

I'd like to slowly start filling it with personal pieces, with paintings, with new things. While I've slowly been getting more commissions and business here and there, it's not the progress I'd hoped for after a year with work or my Patreon.

I might be just speaking to the void, and that's fine, I just needed to get it off my chest, but as I'm slowly cycling well into year two of living in my new home with more free time to focus on making art, it got me thinking about personal progress and where I am vs where I'd like to be.

[birdkeeperklink]

My mom's surgery went well yesterday and now she's home today :)

[sopranoentravesti]

They aren’t quite as comfy as Rosie the Rollator, but they are much more supportive than Kate Cane, for places where wheels no go

[hopepilledstrugglemaxxer]

genuinely where does one even begin with understanding how unwanted sexual attention and misogyny have absolutely obliterated your perception of yourself for as long as you can remember

i remember being 4 years old and feeling ashamed of liking princess stories because they were "feminine" and i was meant to feel shame for gravitating towards them - even though these were the stories given to me and the ones i was expected to enjoy. this shame in being associated with anything considered feminine has followed me throughout my life and i do not know what to make of it.

[xwhitenoise]

lmaoooo

[melonlthawne]

This is queued because I’m most likely studying rn but if you send some words of encouragement for my test / positive vibes I will give you useless internet points or a small doodle back. A lot relies on me passing this and I’ve been studying for multiple hours a week but still feel uncofident. In advance, thank you. And thank you guys for being a good source of positivity when I’m struggling. I hope I’m not being annoying 🙏

[xfilesinamajor]

In college, my economics professor referenced "A famous Homer" to the class (as some allusion to the surname "Simpson"). I was the only one to loudly blurt out "But he didn't HAVE a surname!" (thinking, naturally, of The Iliad and The Odyssey poet).

Today my husband referred to something as "going the Republican route" and my immediate interpretation was NOT a comparison to that asshole US political party, but to the government of Ancient Rome.

I didn't major in Classics or anything. I'm just a dork.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

An incomplete list of unhinged things I want to create, mostly for the hell of it:

A flag

A coat of arms

A seal

A unique staff

A unique scarf, sash, &/or headcovering

A conlang, complete with its own alphabet

A name for my estate (small shitty house in a suburb)

Journals written, bound, and stored in such a way that they will be preserved long beyond my lifetime.

I used to want to create my own religion and pantheon of gods, and I even had a good start on it, but then I had an actual numinous religious experience and became a Jew.

So, now I just want to record my spiritual experiences, textual commentary, and theological ramblings in the same manner as my journals so that it can be found generations later and hopefully dissected and argued with/about by Jews well into the future.

[bill-gates-hate-blog]

I used to maladaptive daydream a lot when i was younger. it stopped pretty abruptly once i had my first romantic experiences-- that was the primary niche it fulfilled, aside from power fantasy. now it's stopped entirely (and as you can tell, those romantic experiences weren't good.) Now i'm stuck spinning my wheels. I feel like if i'm not talking to someone, i'm going to backslide into depression. This is a strange departure from pre-pandemic, where being alone was necessary. Now i can't seem to bear it.

[woelfin-sheeps-clothing]

I might still make one or two anyway, but if genuinely no one wants to see them here maybe keep em to Instagram or something. Or a different blog. We'll see. Been inspired by a few comic artists lately.

[birdkeeperklink]

So I'm just going to word vomit about my struggles with my nascent original novel, because I have no one to talk to about it

I am shit at coming up with names. Like literally garbage at it. I have placeholder names for so many people and things. If this was a humour book I would definitely leave this as "the City of Evil," but since it's not, I have to eventually come up with a real name for it and I hate it

How do the kids get kidnapped? How does husband guy get killed by the kidnappers? I don't know, I just know these things need to happen, and currently it's happening via a big inky whirlwind in my mind because I don't know

How do they get past the lava moat around the City of Evil? What are the obstacles on the other side of the moat? How do they eventually get in? I don't know

Should the gay farmer's son end up having turned traitor, having taken the deal that the net-maker's daughter refused?

What should some of their other special powers be? Only the villain and the net-maker have them currently

Should I include the scene with the unicorn that I want to include, or are unicorns too associated with Christianity, which I don't want anywhere near this world?

Anyway, these are actually some pretty useful notes to myself, so I guess I won't be deleting this right away lol

[sopranoentravesti]

Coming home from a Dresden Dolls concert and they had fucking headcount people at said concert to make sure people knew how to register to vote etc. Amanda Palmer was lowkey begging people to vote on stage, which I greatly appreciated (I wish it didn’t have to be something she talked about, just like I wish she didn’t have good cause to put together a literal entire tour about abortion and reproductive rights in 2019).

I have more thoughts but my brain is addled by liquor and mild sensory overload.