#lifelong awkward person

[xfilesinamajor]

In college, my economics professor referenced "A famous Homer" to the class (as some allusion to the surname "Simpson"). I was the only one to loudly blurt out "But he didn't HAVE a surname!" (thinking, naturally, of The Iliad and The Odyssey poet).

Today my husband referred to something as "going the Republican route" and my immediate interpretation was NOT a comparison to that asshole US political party, but to the government of Ancient Rome.

I didn't major in Classics or anything. I'm just a dork.

[hannieehaee]

NEED TO KNOW

18+ / mdi

summary: with jungkook's lifelong crush also came an aversion to dating anyone who wasn't you. but what would happen when the poor lovesick boy came crying into your arms after finally giving a chance to what turned to be a disastrous date?

content: virgin!jungkook, f2l!jungkook, loser!jk, sub!jk, college au, jk is insanely socially awkward and shy, kook is touch starved, afab reader, smut, dry humping, body worship, reader's lowkey possessive over jk (and vice versa tbh), oral (f and m receiving), handjob, penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 10k

a/n: loser virgin koo but light on the loser and heavy on the virgin

masterlist | patreon

Jungkook often found himself feeling like his life was one of those very shitty romcoms.

Except he had never really felt like the heartthrob, or even like he was the one getting swept off his feet.

No, his experience was more closely aligned with the loser virgin who was tossed aside so the star-crossed lovers could find their way to each other. This was just how it had always been.

Jungkook had watched most of his friends find love with a person he could easily consider their soulmate. He was a romantic at heart, after all. These things were not difficult for him to spot.

He often wondered when his turn would come, except it just never did.

Being one for romance was seemingly not for the weak, as Jungkook found himself passing yet another year as a lovesick fool hoping to find that perfect someone to finally look his way.

Scratch that. Many people looked his way. Even as a self-proclaimed loser, Jungkook received plenty of attention from boys and girls alike. Looks were often thrown his way, but they were never the looks he wanted to receive.

Sure, he could easily reciprocate the appreciation he received for his looks. He could smile back, maybe even ask for their number and then see where it all led afterwards.

Except that Jungkook needed the romance. He needed to be swept off his feet (or maybe the reverse, it depended on his mood). Jungkook needed a soulmate.

It all just became eternally more complicated when Jungkook insisted on having that person be you.

That and the fact that Jungkook was slightly, how to put it, socially inept. He was shy, anxious, unable to read social cues, and basically just an overall mess. But the worst of all was his undying crush on you, this he knew.

It was a tale as old as time. Falling for your best friend, pining after them for years, hoping one day they'd turn around and realize you'd been here all along. And now on year nine of knowing you, it still hadn't happened. Jungkook remained a sad, lonely virgin awaiting for you to grant his romcom wish and make him into the love interest.

It didn't really help how painfully socially awkward Jungkook was. Truly, he was surprised you'd stuck by his side for this long despite that. There was no way Jungkook would ever want to risk ruining your current relationship in favor of something he knew would never work out. You did not like him back, these past nine years made him very well aware of that.

And so, as a result, his friends had the grand idea of setting him up.

Not once, not twice, but countless times.

However, Jungkook being Jungkook, never agreed to it. Not once had his friends been able to reel him out of his dorm long enough to entrap him into a date.

Jungkook simply saw no point in it. Blind dates were the complete antithesis of Jungkook's beliefs about romance. He needed a connection before even considering entering a romantic relationship. The thought of going on a date with someone he'd never met before unnerved him to no end.

Plus, he was convinced no one would ever actually like him past his looks. There had been far too many instances of him being on the receiving end of insults to his personality or not-so-subtle stink eyes thrown his way. To have that happen to him whilst on a blind date was just a huge no.

Jungkook found himself stuck in an endless limbo. A loveless, endless limbo as he pined after the one person he could never have.

"You're going. No isn't an option here," deadpanned Namjoon, hitting Jungkook lightly to the back of his head with a rolled up magazine — almost as if he were a puppy receiving a scolding.

Well, that's pretty much how Jungkook had been feeling these days.

For the past week or so, Jungkook had been down in the dumps (even more than usual), making his unrequited crush everyone else's problem through his constant sighs and unsolvable complaints. You truly were the only person in Jungkook's life who didn't fall victim to his lovesickness — for obvious reasons.

There was a very reasonable cause for Jungkook's souring mood, though.

You were seeing someone.

Maybe.

At least that's the impression Jimin had given Jungkook when he mentioned some guy you'd been texting lately.

Jungkook had no further evidence, but the mere thought was enough for his heart to begin cracking.

He always knew this was a one sided love, but the confirmation was entirely too hurtful for Jungkook to take. Apart from that, the thought of you not telling him also added to the hurt.

This only caused Jungkook's lovesickness to worsen, making him become a leech at his other friends' sides as he allowed himself to rot. Maybe it sounded dramatic, but Jungkook felt the situation was drastic enough to justify his reaction.

It was unfortunate that Jungkook's friends cared so much for him. Had they simply allowed him to rot in his own self-inflicted misery, he wouldn't have found himself at the receiving end of Kim Namjoon's wrath as he scolded at him to go on the date he'd set up for him with his lab partner.

To be fair, his friends had offered him many options. They'd tried to get Jungkook out of his shell and wingman him in order to find a girl for himself. They'd attempted to get him to confess to you. Hell, they even putting Jungkook on dating apps where he had full control of who, when, and how he met a partner. But Jungkook rejected every option.

This was not good enough for Kim Namjoon.

After having dealt with a heartsick Jungkook for far too long, he gave him an ultimatum. Either he confessed to you, or he'd have to at least attempt a date with a nice girl of Joon's choosing.

So, it seemed like Jungkook was going on a date.

"Sora's going to hate me. I make a terrible date. Last time I went on a date, I panicked when my date tried to kiss me and closed the door on her face. I'm pretty sure I slammed it her nose," Jungkook whined as he rubbed at the back of his head.

"Jungkook, believe it or not, girls do like you. Sora asked me to set you guys up. C'mon, just try it out. This could be that romcom romance you're always talking about."

"Doubt it," he murmured sadly, "But fine. I guess I have nothing to lose."

Namjoon clapped his hands gladly, proceeding to pat Jungkook's back in encouragement, "Good! It'll go great, Jungkook, don't worry."

"I- I don't even know what to wear or what to say, I-" Jungkook found himself begin to panic, "What if-"

"Jungkook," Joon interrupted, "You're overthinking this. Sora's a nice girl. She's been asking me about you since you stopped by my bio class that one time. She's probably excited about this, there's nothing for you to worry about," he reassured.

Still, Jungkook remained overly anxious about it. Also, how was he supposed to explain this to you? He didn't want you to think that he, that he was interested in pursuing other girls. It was a dumb thought to have, but he couldn't help it. What if the feelings were somehow, by some act of god, reciprocated and Jungkook was ruining it by going on a date with someone else? It wasn't like he could possibly hide this from you. You were best friends, for god's sakes!

But one more look to Joon's annoyed expression told Jungkook that he could under no circumstance call this off.

And so he was going on a date.

When the day of the date arrived, Jungkook was even more nervous than he had imagined.

He had no one to ask for advice, no one to confide in so that his nerves didn't go overboard and drove him to insanity.

Okay, he could've easily asked one of his closest friends like maybe Jimin? Or perhaps Taehyung? Maybe even Mingyu. They were all very successful with dating, whether that be casually or long-term. Jungkook was really the only outlier in his friend group to fail miserably at the dating aspect of life.

And every other social aspect, really.

Unfortunately, there was only one person that could provide Jungkook with the comfort and reassurance he needed right now. And that was you.

You, however, were the one person Jungkook could simply never tell about this.

Regardless of the endless times he'd convinced himself that you did not care for him in any way other than platonic, the fear of somehow disappointing you by going on a date with someone else completely prevented him from even considering telling you. It was stupid and delusional, but, well, so was Jungkook.

The very (extremely) small thought that maybe you liked him back continued to bug him even as he got dressed for his date. He'd subconsciously dressed in an outfit he knew you liked on him and had even done his hair the way that usually had you running your fingers through it. In his head, there was a battle between pleasing you despite your absence from this date, and feeling immense guilt over it.

Somehow, Jungkook managed to push those thoughts aside, choosing to try and calm himself down as he waited for the time to arrive.

He attempted to implant happy thoughts into his mind. The possibility of this date going well was one among them. What if Sora was a perfect match for him? What if this was what he should've done years ago instead of closing himself off to relationships due to his hopeless crush? Who knows, maybe he'd fall in love and become a former virgin within a few months.

But then life decided to catch him off guard again with a sudden knock on his door.

He knew in his heart who it could be, but he senselessly hoped it was anyone but you, knowing he'd panic with your sudden presence.

Walking over to check the peephole, he was met with a sight he usually enjoyed seeing — you, smiling in the direction of the peephole, knowing he was watching on the other side of the door.

Hesitating a bit, he opened the door, attempting to decrease the acceleration of his heart. Was there any way he could lie to you about his plans and get you out of here within less than ten minutes? According to his phone, it was 6:32, which meant he needed to get his ass out of his apartment in the next fifteen minutes if he wanted to make it on time for the reservation Sora had made for 7.

This might've been the downside to telling you you could come over unannounced at any time. Usually, Jungkook was either at home or with you, so this arrangement had not caused any issues until now.

Upon opening the door, he was immediately caught in a simple, yet sweet hug — you were a huge hugger, a blessing and a curse to poor, touch-starved Jungkook.

You entered the apartment as soon as you pulled away, making your way inside as if you owned the place (which, you kinda did, considering how often you were here). It took you a few seconds to register Jungkook's dressed-up appearance and inevitably comment on it, interrupting your usual greeting to him.

"Oh? You're all dressed up. I love that shirt on you," you fixed at his collar as you said so, "Do you have plans today? You look really handsome."

Well, Jungkook's unofficial goal of impressing you had been accomplished. Too bad you weren't the girl he was going on a date with tonight.

After your question, you'd moved further into Kook's apartment, making your way to his couch with ease only a true best friend would have. You even grabbed at the chips Kook had left on the coffee table earlier, disregarding your surroundings due to the level of comfort you felt at his place.

"Oh, uh, I ... Joon actually set me up on a date tonight," he decided to go with the truth. Jungkook knew that he'd feel better with your encouragement at the end of the day. Maybe that was what he needed in order to calm his nerves. That, and some sort of official confirmation that he had no chance with you. Perhaps that'd be enough to get him to snap out of his delusions.

He felt bad about it as soon as your face dropped. Or maybe he imagined it. It went back to normal immediately after.

"Oh," you paused, "That's- wow. Congrats, Kook. Who's the lucky girl?", you asked as if it meant nothing. As if him going on a date wasn't a life changing event.

Which maybe it wasn't for you. Kook knew you didn't like him like that, but the stupid hope prevailed for some reason. He was driving himself insane with the idiocy behind the thought, but his hopeful nature couldn't help itself.

"Uh, you know, just some girl from Joon's class. Her name's Sora. We're, uh, going to some fancy restaurant tonight."

"Oh, fuck, did I interrupt you? Sorry, Kook. You should've told me," another flash of something made its way to your expression, but it left as fast as it came as you stood from your seat and walked back to him.

"You, uh, you look amazing, Kook. She's going to fall in love with you for sure," you smiled sweetly at him, fixing his collar again in a manner that had him screaming internally.

He didn't want anyone but you falling in love with him, but it's not like he could actually express that to you without putting your friendship at risk. So, he gave you a tight lipped smile and accepted your compliment with a scrunch of his nose.

"Is it time for you to leave? I'll leave you alone. Wouldn't want to interrupt you in case the date goes well," you went to joke, chuckling lightheartedly as you usually did, but Jungkook swore there was something off in your tone. Call it wishful thinking.

"You don't have to leave," he mumbled.

"It's okay, Kookie. Good luck with your date," you went to pick up your bag that you'd put down when you came in before approaching him by the door once more, "Here. For good luck," and a soft kiss was pressed against his cheek.

He stood there dumbly after that. Maybe he mumbled a thank you or a see you later, he wasn't too sure. He was far too distracted by your proximity and touch and then suddenly he was alone again.

Kisses on the cheek weren't exactly a tendency for you. They practically never happened. At least not with Jungkook's aversion to intimate touch. Hugs were usually as far as you two went due to his shy demeanor in that area. Perhaps you were somehow asserting your place in his life? But it was most likely not from a place of possessiveness as Jungkook's dumb mind wished for it to be. You were just genuinely the sweetest girl he'd ever met, and so you kissed him with the best of intentions. Jungkook would just have to keep it in the back of his mind for his date.

... Which was starting quite soon, he realized as he finally rushed to leave.

With one last resigned sigh, he looked at himself in the mirror and finally made his way out, hoping tonight would be the first step to getting over his rom-com wish of being with you.

Jungkook's nerves did not diminish on the drive to the restaurant, much less as he walked in and was led to his reservation. It was a bit of a shock to him to find Sora already sitting there, but perhaps it was a sign that she actually liked him. Sometimes it was difficult for Jungkook to believe anyone could possibly be into him romantically. He knew people found him attractive and had been prepositioned many times in his life, but no one had ever actually shown interest any further than that. Maybe it was how socially awkward he was, or perhaps how insistent he was on chasing after you in particular.

He shook these thoughts out of his mind for the time being, opting to arrive over to his date as quick as possible.

"Hi," he said dumbly as he took a seat across from her.

"Hi, Jungkook," she smiled back.

She did not seem as nervous as Jungkook did. She seemed quite calm actually, which only made Jungkook more anxious. That and the way she'd checked him out as he sat, but he'd put that thought into the back burner for now.

"Uh, sorry if I kept you waiting," he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his hands.

"Don't worry about it. I'd have waited longer if necessary," then she leaned over the table, as close as she could through the distance and whispered, "I've been waiting for a chance with you for a while."

Okay, that was forward. Was that good?

"Oh, uh, well, I, uh, I hope I don't disappoint you, then," he felt himself blush.

She gave him a smile that made him feel as if she was in on some joke he was unaware of, "You won't. Trust me," and that was that.

The waiter came soon after and wrote down their orders, offering them some breadsticks and beverages as they waited. It was pretty calm during that time. Maybe even too calm.

The conversation didn't exactly flow naturally between the two. It was a little static here and there, forcing Jungkook to think of ice breakers for first dates that he'd seen on some Buzzfeed article he'd read back in high school, back when he was first introduced to the idea of dating.

Sora was nice and extremely pretty, but Jungkook did not feel that spark he'd always hoped for. He should've known the moment he walked in. There were no bells playing nor did he feel dizzy at the sight of her. Jungkook knew these were unrealistic measures to find the love of his life, but they had been present when he met you and still remained prevalent in his current feelings for you. With Sora, however? It was as if he was awkwardly making conversation to his science partner after having finished a project — it was just filling the silence.

But Sora looked happy. She continued to smile at him, giggle harder than Jungkook would expect (his humor wasn't really at its peak performance tonight), and would even reach over to grace at his arm every so often. When the food came, she made eyes at him as she ate. It was a pretty sight, but her intentions confused Jungkook. Was she flirting with him?

He felt out of his league in this situation. Like there was some context he didn't have.

And then the other shoe dropped.

Sora began playing footsie with him under the table, interrupting him as he responded to some benign question she'd asked about his major. She hummed in response, tilting her head to the side and biting her lip flirtatiously at him. It unnerved Jungkook, causing him to stutter endlessly at the contact. God, he was so unaccustomed to touch; any kind of touch, really. Sure, you and him hugged from time to time, but he avoided any further touch, knowing he'd make an embarrassment out of himself if you ever did anything similar to what Sora was doing.

You'd never questioned his proclivity against intimate touch. You just respected it, keeping touch to a minimum and letting him take the reins any time you hugged or lounged on the same couch — there was the very rare cuddling, but it never went further than shoulders pressed up against each other.

It's not as if Jungkook was a germophobe or anything of that genre. He was quite fine with pats on the back, handshakes, hell, even tackling when playing sports, but it was the more intimate touches he stayed away from. He just felt entirely out of place, knowing he'd embarrass himself somehow. Thankfully, he'd never been in such a situation until now.

Jungkook didn't want to judge Sora too harshly by how forward she was being. It was nice to be wanted, especially by someone as appealing as Sora. It wasn't her fault that he was a little socially inept when it came to relationships. No, that was entirely on him.

He'd seen countless romance movies and had even watched as all his friends interacted with their significant others. Jungkook knew what was expected in a relationship, yet he just wasn't feeling it with Sora. Any time you touched him, he found himself wanting more but holding back due to how much more he wanted. In this instance, he just felt nervous as to what type of touch would come next from the girl sitting across from him.

Then came the question.

"Wanna get out of here?", she smiled after dessert, the same flirtatious grin on her glossy lips.

Jungkook physically gulped at the implication, but somehow found himself responding.

"O-okay."

Was that enthusiastic enough?

Jungkook had been a gentleman. He'd walked Sora home, held her hand, and pulled her close to him as they swung their hands back and forth. It was nice. Sora was a really nice girl when she wasn't fucking Jungkook with her eyes — was that what she'd been doing? He wasn't exactly sure.

But his question was answered pretty quickly.

Kook had insisted on walking her all the way up to her apartment. She lived off campus and it was after dark, it just seemed like the proper thing to do. Even if the date hadn't been exactly what he'd hoped (through no real fault of Sora's), he wanted to remain polite to her.

Turning to him as they stepped foot in front of her door, Sora's hand went to rub at his arm, thumb feeling at the skin of his bicep in a sensual(?) way. Her eyes deemed slightly hooded and her grin was still present.

She took two steps forward, taking his lack of movement as indication he was okay with her coming closer. Which he was, but he was still anxious about it. Would she kiss him? Should he kiss her?

Her arms wrapped at the back of his neck, the hold causing him to lean down slightly. His balance left him at the sudden proximity, making him naturally wrap his arms around her waist. He kept the touch as feather-light as possible, not wanting to cross any boundary.

That's when she kissed him.

And it wasn't just any kiss. It wasn't like the two or three kisses Jungkook had shared with other girls in the past — no mere peck or short-lived kiss. Sora was very forward with her kiss, making Jungkook yelp in surprise as he tried to follow.

He kept at it only for a few moments before attempting to pull away with shy mutters and excuses, 'wait,' 'shit, i-' and 'maybe we shouldn't' were a few of them, with the last one finally making her fully pull away.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm just not sure I want to ...", he grimaced at himself, feeling like an idiot.

Sora was a pretty girl, clearly into him and seemingly willing to put up with his weird personality. Jungkook was simply being an idiot, thinking that he could go on a date and suddenly be over his years-long crush and-

"What? What do you mean?" she interrupted his thoughts, looking rather peeved off.

"I, uh, I mean that, uh, maybe we should wait? I don't wanna rush things and-"

Just as he pulled out the first excuse he could think of, — What, Jungkook? Were you really thinking of going out with her again or would you just ghost her? — she interrupted him again.

She looked at him with clear annoyance overtaking her features, arms on her hips as she moved her weight from one foot to another. Anyone who saw her could clearly see some sort of frustration in her demeanor.

"Jungkook, what did you think this was?", her tone was incredulous, "What was the point of all this?"

"W-what do you mean?"

She scoffed.

Okay, she didn't look as happy to be there anymore.

"We to some shitty restaurant late at night, I invite you back to my place, we kiss. What did you think I was expecting from all this?" she continued.

Jungkook was pretty sure he knew the answer, but he was too mortified to actually respond.

It was sex, right? Sora had seen this as a hookup rather than a date.

God damn you, Namjoon.

"I- it's not-"

"I thought you were interested. Hell, Joon said you kept asking him about me. That you were into me," she groaned, "I should've known. Everyone knows you're a prude. I've seen you shut down other girls, I just thought maybe I'd be an exception," she continued, confusing Jungkook further.

Fuck, had Joon tried setting him up with Sora? Jungkook knew his heart must've been in the right place, but he had probably misread Sora. They were clearly not compatible.

Jungkook kind of felt like he was going to cry. He felt so embarrassed by the situation. And there was no way he could clarify the white lie Joon had told her. It'd just exasperate her more.

"Do you have nothing to say? Should I just go into my apartment now?"

Jungkook looked at his shoes in remorse, feeling as if he'd actually done something wrong.

Kissing her had been a mistake. He should've stayed as he was, waiting for the perfect girl to come around. Should've trusted his gut despite Joon's insistence.

"I'm sorry. I, I didn't mean to lead you on."

She scoffed again, "Yeah, clearly. You should just go. And tell Joon to never set me up again," and with that, she'd entered her apartment, slamming the door on Jungkook in the process.

Jungkook stood there for a minute or two as he contemplated what had just happened.

Part of him was glad it had stopped where it did, while another part felt like an idiot for not going through with it. Granted, he had not expected such a big reaction to his rejection, but he could've used this opportunity to lose his virginity, maybe force himself to move on from you.

But Jungkook knew that would've been an even more disastrous experience. He didn't want to sleep with anyone just to get it over with. He wanted love. He wanted you.

With his tail between his legs, Jungkook went back home, disappointed at his first attempt at putting himself out there. He also made a mental note to spit in Joon's soup or something.

The way back home had been a mess of emotions.

Jungkook went from embarrassed, to angry, to confused, and ended up settling on mortified. That, and pathetic. That feeling seemed to always be present in Jungkook's mind, but tonight he felt a little more pathetic than usual.

I mean, he had had, by all means, what could be considered a perfect date. He had a girl who clearly wanted to take things further, yet he panicked like an idiot and caused her to blow up at him. At that moment Jungkook couldn't really find it in him to blame Sora for her reaction. He should've realized from Sora's advancements that she'd want more from him and shouldn't've fed into it throughout the night.

He wondered what you'd think of it all.

Would you have found Sora's reaction reasonable? Would you have comforted him after such a mortifying night.

Well, it turned out Jungkook would find out sooner than expected.

Despite your denial to his offer of staying over at his place while he was gone, he still found you sitting on his couch as soon as he entered the threshold of his apartment - you did have a key, after all.

You got up as soon as you saw him come in, clearly having been expecting him. Your demeanor did not seem as casual and laid back as it had a few hours ago. On the contrary, you looked troubled.

But Jungkook was sure he looked equally as troubled, if not more. He felt shock at seeing you there despite having left earlier, but it soon left him due to bigger matters taking over his mind at the moment.

"Kook," you started, putting your weight on your knees as you knelt on the couch.

"Uhm, hi. What- what are you doing here?"

He was hesitant in making his way to his own couch. Your presence was unnerving him for some reason (well, at least a different reason than usual). He could feel something different in the air. Your demeanor wasn't your usual.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, looking down to your lap.

"I don't- I'm not really sure."

That was unlike you.

"I thought you didn't want to stay in case I, uh, I brought Sora back home."

He didn't mean it in an accusatory manner, but perhaps his disheartened demeanor made it sound as such.

"Sorry, I can leave. I- I'll leave," you went to get up, but were swiftly stopped by Jungkook when he walked over to you, closing the distance.

"Don't- Please don't go. I could use the company," he offered you a loop-sided smile, hoping it didn't give away how shitty he was feeling.

You looked up at him now with the closer proximity between you. Jungkook knew you could probably see the glassiness in his eyes due to tonight's events. He hadn't cried on his way home, per say, but he had been pretty damn close to. And you, being you, would probably be able to clock it immediately.

"Are you okay?", you finally asked.

"It was just ... a very shitty day," he chuckled despite himself.

The two of you took a seat on the couch, the tension somehow still loud.

"What happened?"

"Oh, you know. I was kind of dumb to think a girl could possibly like me like that. Joon meant well, but ... it's just not for me, I guess."

He wanted to diminish it. To keep it vague so he wouldn't have to open that can of worms. The can of worms that were his deep-seethed insecurities and his never ending crush.

Turning your body to face him, your eyebrows furrowed in worry, bottom lip sticking out a bit in a subtle pout.

"Jungkook," your voice was serious, "Tell me what happened."

"You first," he rebutted, "Tell me why you're here."

He surprised himself a bit. Usually he had no problem letting you comfort him when he was down in the dumps. But something about your demeanor needed to be addressed first. That small seed of hope in the back of his mind was twinkling at it. Could it be? Had you stayed because-

"I didn't want you to bring her back home," you said after a few moments of silence, voice almost a whisper.

Your eyes were forcefully shut and a breath left you. It was as if it had been a huge weight on your shoulders. Though you didn't seem more relaxed at letting it out. If anything, you appeared even more pent up.

And Jungkook? His body was reacting to such a statement. The implications behind it had his heart racing and his hands clamming up. It'd be a punishment beyond belief if it didn't mean what he thought he meant.

But still, he asked.

"Why?"

"Please don't make me say it."

"I need you to. Please."

Sora was completely out of his mind despite the conversation orbiting around her. All he was thinking about was the pained tone in your voice when you'd said you didn't want her back here with Jungkook.

He felt sickly at the strange satisfaction that brought. Your pain was the last thing Jungkook could ever want, but this was the kind of pain Jungkook could remedy. Only one word from you — or rather, three — and he'd take it all away. He just needed a bit more from you to not risk it all. He needed you to take the risk, however selfish that might've been.

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, but never garnered the courage to actually say something. It was rare for you to not speak your mind around Jungkook, and that knowledge only made his heart race more. Wanting to encourage you, he scoot over a bit closer, placing his hand atop your own that was lying on your lap.

A soft smile was his reward for such an action. That and the brushing of your fingers before fully grasping his hand in yours. He loved holding your hand, even if he rarely allowed himself to do so.

"Why didn't you want me to bring her back home?", he asked again.

You sighed, nodding to yourself in what seemed to be self assurance before turning your eyes to his and finally speaking.

"Because I like you. And it would've killed me if you lost your virginity to someone else," you said in one quick breath. Your confidence pretty much left you after that. "I know that makes me a hypocrite, but I- I can't help it. I like you so much it hurts. I was never going to tell you, but I had no idea how much it'd actually affect me if you ever got a girlfriend," you continued, hand squeezing his own every so often, "I thought I'd be ready to see you find someone else and take that as a sign to move on but, fuck, I felt like shit walking out of here this afternoon knowing you were going to see another girl."

By the time you'd finished your confession, your eyes were glassy. They weren't really facing Jungkook's anymore, but he could still tell. His eyes were glassy too.

His heart had stopped within first sentence. He wasn't sure how he was currently sitting up, somehow not having passed out at the initial confession. He also found himself completely mute, unable to react to what was a life changing moment for him.

"Kook?", you called his attention, hand letting go of his own and retracting into yourself, "I kinda need you to say something here," you let out an awkward chuckle, eyes wide and worried in contrast.

"I- I, fuck," he stammered, "I almost slept with Sora tonight," was what he had not planned to say whatsoever, but still somehow found leaving his lips.

"Oh."

Yes. 'Oh.'

"Wait, I didn't mean-"

But you stood up, still refusing to look at him.

"I should go. I'm sorry if I got in the way of your plans."

You tried to push past him, but he towered over you, stubborn in letting you leave but still too panicked to return your sentiment.

He felt like a complete and utter piece of shit.

"Wait, please don't go," he pleaded, hand bracketing around your wrist.

"I think I embarrassed myself enough, Jungkook."

"You didn't! Please, I don't know why I said that. It wasn't true, I- I couldn't go through with it. That's what I meant to say," that seemed to get you to stop fighting him, but your sniffled and glassy eyes remained.

"It's fine, Jungkook. You don't have to try and spare my feelings. I knew it wasn't mutual, I didn't mean anything by it, I-"

That was seemingly what broke the camel's back.

"It is mutual! I'm in love with you!", he interrupted, surprising himself even more than you.

Quiet fell for a few moments, breaths as heavy as the tension of the room.

"What?"

"That's why I could never go on dates. Why I always said no when the guys set me up. Why I shut you off any time you got a boyfriend ... Why I stopped things with Sora before they could go too far."

His admission got you to finally look at him. The look in your eyes was indescribable to Jungkook. He'd never seen it before. There was shock mixed with something else. Perhaps hope? That's more or less what he felt at the moment.

"Are you lying to me?", you asked in a sudden shift of demeanor, now a serious edge to your tone.

"What? N-no! I- I love you. I've been in love with you for years. You can ask any of the guys. It's embarrassing and time-consuming, but it's always been there. I swear it's-"

That's as far as Jungkook got. He'd never be able to recall what other embarrassing detail about his crush he was about to share, but he found himself unable to care as soon as he realized what the source of his interruption was.

This kiss was incomparable — despite having shared a heavy kiss with someone else less than an hour prior.

No, this kiss was full of emotions Jungkook would need a thesaurus to describe. He was completely out of his league (but, really, when was he not?), lips attempting to follow your hungry ones but losing the battle.

The discrepancy in experience between the two of you was entirely too visible in the kiss, but Jungkook wasn't complaining. He was getting the better end of the stick and you didn't seem to find any issue, so he just counted his blessings and continued to kiss you to his heart's desire.

Your tongue sucked at his own, making his eyes roll back. His hands, which were usually shy in touching you, were greedy in grabbing at and squeezing any part of you available to him. The usual shyness was replaced with sheer need.

Usually, he would've been embarrassed by the needy whimpers he kept leaving against your lips, but he was too into it to stop. You'd reward every whimper with a slight pull of his hair, so he saw it as a good sign and allow himself to let loose.

When he was almost out of air, you pulled away, though Jungkook's lips attempted to follow, not wanting a single second of separation from you. He was able to steal two pecks and one lick of lips before you pressed your arms against his chest to stop him.

"I'm in love with you too," you were breathless as you said it, "I just thought it was safer to tell you I liked you to, you know, preserve some of my dignity in case it wasn't mutual," you chuckled.

Jungkook's mind was somewhere in Kansas at the moment, not really paying full attention to your words. Knowing you loved him back was life-changing, but the monkey-brained part of him was itching for more of your touch at the moment.

"Where'd your mind go?", you giggled when you took note of his dazed look.

Your hands went to pull him closer once more, which he accepted immediately by locking his arms around your waist.

"What? I, uh, nothing," he mumbled, eyes not meeting your own.

God, how had he gotten horny over a simple kiss?

You caught on quickly, grinning up at him as you attempted to fish at his eyes, following his head any time he tried to turn away from your view but failing. It was comedic in contrast to how tense things had just been.

"What's wrong, Kookie?", you sing-sang, "Something on your mind?"

He gave you what he was sure was a pathetic, pleading look, "Please don't be mean to me. My brain's barely catching up to what's happening," he whined.

"I get to be mean for you. You almost slept with another girl tonight," you huffed jokingly.

With a wince, he groaned, to which you just giggled, causing him to drop his head into your shoulder.

"That's not fair."

"I think it's pretty fair. Here I was, pining over you and you're out there about to give it away to some random girl," you continued.

His response came in the form of nuzzling into your neck, encouraged by your arms pulling him closer.

"Stop," he whined, "It was so shitty. I hated it."

You pulled him away from the comfort of the crook of your neck (much to his dismay) to look at him once more. Luckily for him, your arms were still on his shoulders, allowing him to retain close proximity to you — he was unsure how he'd ever accept any distance between you from now on.

There was some worry in your eyes. Or at least that's what the furrow in your brows and the slight pout made him think.

"What happened?"

"Oh, uh, it was nothing. She just ... I guess Joon's not that good at matchmaking," he explained, not really finding it worth it to go back to that moment. Not when he had something so much better now, and weirdly enough as a result of his shitty night.

You offered him another pout, reaching up to give him a sweet kiss as an acceptance of him not wanting to give too many details.

"Mmm, wait, not yet," he mumbled when you went to pull away, this time successful in keeping your lips locked.

Despite your giggle in response, you continued kissing him, soon going back to the pace you'd had during your earlier kiss. It soon turned heavy and wet, making Jungkook's mind daze once more.

Jungkook was on a mission, refusing to let the kiss end. Putting his all into the kiss, he allowed you to take his mind away, making him all but literally melt at your touch. Matching sighs left you, the sound mixing with the squelch of your tongues licking and sucking at each other.

Eventually, Jungkook turned around — lips still connected — and let himself be pushed to sit back on the couch, with you straddling his lap as a result. The newfound warmth of your body atop his own made him dizzy with desire. It was a feeling he'd never experienced before, and it was quickly growing addictive.

A high whine was left against your lips when your hands moved onto his hair, pulling at it softly at first and increasing the intensity based on his sounds. He melted under you, knowing he'd be willing to let you do whatever you wanted to him without even having to ask.

Hands explored your body, feeling an innate need to map out every inch and pull you as close to him as possible, almost to the point of molding with one another.

Your lips explored his neck for a bit, occasionally nibbling and licking at the skin. The contrast between the warmth of your breath and the coolness of your tongue had him sighing out in pleasure.

Who would've thought having his neck kissed could feel so orgasmic?

He wasn't sure whether he was happy or frustrated when your lips found his own again. As petulant as it sounded, he wanted your touch everywhere, all at once. His skin was burning, as were his loins — and no contact further than some kissing had been done.

"Mm, Kook-" you failed at interrupting the kiss, trapped into another and another, "Shit, Kook," you tried again, but easily fell back into it, letting Jungkook lick into your mouth, "Wait, baby."

Baby?

Okay, that stopped him.

"What's wrong?", Jungkook was sure he looked completely gone. His eyes were still glued to your lips and his chest heaved with his heavy breath.

"Are you sure you want to keep going with this? I don't want to push you," you asked, breath equally erratic.

He could've laughed at the question.

There was no doubt in his mind that he needed to keep going. His body was already about to explode, and you were asking him if he wanted to stop? He felt let out a silent whine at the mere suggestion of stopping.

He kissed you again, hands gripping your hips and instinctively pulling you closer.

You took this as a hint to crumble his sanity even further by beginning to grind on him, slow yet intensely. It had him hiccuping in pleasure against your lips, sighing out and allowing you access to his open mouth.

"Please- oh, fuck, please," he pleaded for nothing in particular.

"Is this okay?," you asked uselessly.

Jungkook nodded, letting his head fall back to the back of the couch as his hips pathetically humped up along with yours. There was no direct contact, but the mere stimulation had Jungkook's eyes seeing white. It was reminiscent of all those nights he'd grow too frustrated with himself and begin humping at his pillow with you in mind. He'd always been too embarrassed to acknowledge such a deprived act, but at least he could now confirm there were no grounds for comparison.

"It's so good, fuck. Want- want more."

By then, you were humping at each other like deprived animals, gasping and crying out at the contact.

Jungkook was unsure when you'd thrown off your shirt, far too distracted by the feeling of you on top of him, but his ability to think completely left him at that moment. Your hands let go of him, instead grabbing at your breasts and playing with yourself right in front of him.

It was like a wet dream come to life, mocking him by showing him how weak and pathetic he was.

The sight had him let out an embarrassing whimper. His face reflected how pained he felt at the view, so needy and painfully horny for you.

"Y-you're so ... Fuck, please, I need- can I ... ?"

He wasn't sure what sentence he was trying to make, but the ability to feel shame had exited his mind a good while ago. To be frank, Jungkook wasn't even sure what reality he was in at the moment. The only thought occupying his mind was your body testing his resolve in a way that he knew would ruin him.

You nodded, biting your lip to prevent a smile of satisfaction as Jungkook let his head fall in between your breasts, lips immediately mapping out the are through kisses and needy flicks of the tongue. He grew immediately obsessed with the feeling of your skin under his touch. It was soft, supple, just perfect to the touch. The scent of your perfume was even stronger now, and Jungkook knew then that the smell alone could probably condition him into a boner from now on.

His hips became frantic then, almost pushing you off him with their intensity. But you took it, silently leading him with your own movements as you held onto him for support.

He was beginning to lose himself, knowing an orgasm was approaching. The fleeting thought of your own orgasm made its way into his mind, but it was quickly gone when you started to breathe out encouragements for him to cum, claiming you were right there with him, that you needed him to ruin his pants for you.

When it finally took him, his eyes crossed, head thrown back as he babbled nonsense in absolute bliss. His brain was barely able to register when a few moments later, your own orgasm hit you just as hard. His hips never gave up, still softly swaying with yours as his high went down. He could've sworn he lost consciousness for a few second, as he finally became conscious with himself again when you were kissing at his neck again.

"Fuck. I wasn't planning on that happening," you giggled between soft pecks to the already tattered skin.

"Is this real?", he mused after a few moments of silence. His hands even went to squeeze at your hips, making sure you were truly there.

Unfortunately for him, that's when you left his lap, making him whine as he sat up to close your distance.

"That's not even the best of it, pretty boy," were your last words before turning towards his room, smiling at him to follow you.

Jungkook, being Jungkook, did not think twice before getting up and following you without further instruction, even tripping in the process.

~

Within just a few minutes of being in his room, you were down to your panties and him to his boxers. As mandated by nature, you were sitting on him again, holding him down by pinning his arms above his head as you made out with him as nasty as you'd done in his living room.

Jungkook had no complaints. If you wanted him tied up and to your mercy, he'd go as far as to beg for the opportunity. His mind was not his own anymore, and neither was his body. As far as he was concerned, he belonged to you — a totally reasonable thought to have.

To be fair, it was quite hard for him to think while the girl of his dreams was lying on top of him with her tongue in his mouth. Not that he was complaining, not at all.

Surprisingly to Jungkook, his hands took free rein of your body. They went from your hair to your back to your ass to your waist and back to your hair. A whole tour of your body was had before Jungkook decided to take a leap and sneak one of his hands between your bodies and take a route south.

Jungkook was inexperienced. That was an unfortunate fact of his life. But despite popular belief, Jungkook was not an idiot. He liked to believe that he was more knowledgeable than the average guy ... maybe. He had tried to overcompensate early during college by taking a female sexuality course and diving into the depths of reddit in order to understand the things he hadn't been able to experience first hand.

That being said, you still had to silently nudge his hand a little higher in the midst of making out, leading him to your clit before gasping into his mouth at the sensation.

His bruised ego got re-inflated quickly after, with your following reactions to his corrected movements going straight to his dick. Your hips canted against his fingers, following their movements in a desperate attempt at increasing the stimulation. Jungkook's head felt heavy at the constant sighs you'd release against his lips.

"Does ... does it feel good?", he still felt the need to ask.

You hummed into his lips in response, tightening around his fingers at the sound of his voice.

Fuck, did you like his voice?

This was something he'd need to save for future use.

Before he could continue to speak, you regrettably removed his fingers from inside you, earning a whine and a furrowed eyebrow from him.

"As much as I want you to finger me, I'd rather defile you," you said with all seriousness, giggling when Jungkook's reaction didn't go further than wide eyes.

"It's okay, baby. I'll make it good for you, I promise," your hand laid on his cheek, caressing it in a gentle manner, creating a huge contrast with your soaked panties sitting right on top of his stained boxers. That was just something he had to ignore in order to not burst spontaneously.

"That's not really what I'm worried about," he avoided eye contact, though his hands remained on you.

"Then what's wrong, Kookie?"

"What if ... what if it's not good for you. I, uh, I know you've done it with a few guys before — N-not judging or anything! Just, I- I don't want to disappoint you or, uhm, embarrass myself," he mumbled some parts lower than others, a little embarrassed by his insecurities on top of it all.

"Koo," you pouted at him, tilting his chin towards you — something that otherwise would've had him reeling — "I've already had way more fun with you than with anyone else. You know why?", you gave him that comforting smile he loved, "Because I like you, and I know you like me just as much. And I know you'll do everything in your power to make this good for me cause you're just ... you're such a good guy. This is just about making each other feel good. Okay? No need to worry about making me feel good, I promise I already am," you punctuated your statement with a kiss to his nose, giggling when he scrunched it.

"Yeah, I, uh, yeah, okay."

He suddenly found himself blushing, having undermined your proximity, or, you know, the fact that you were naked and on top of him, coaxing him into sex that he very much wanted to have with you.

Before you could say anything else, a fiery part of him took over, pulling you into him for a steamy kiss, wanting to express all his word-vomit through actions rather than stumbled words. There was no better way for him to show you how he felt about you, how good he wanted to make you feel. His words would often fail him, so he opted to show you through his actions.

Mid kiss, you got up from his lap, though Jungkook did not allow for the kiss to end, opting to lean upwards and sit up so he could keep himself connected to you. It was awkward, having you lean down as you blindly removed your panties, but it felt necessary to Jungkook. Within seconds you were already back on his lap, clawing at his own boxers to try and remove them while still sitting. It was awkward and difficult, but the job was eventually done, leaving the two of you nude as Jungkook attempted not to hump into you like a needy animal.

"I- I want- God, I want to fuck you so bad," he mumbled in a daze.

"Fuck, you have no idea, Kookie."

You sounded equally as wrecked, already one orgasm in and completely drenched above him. It made Jungkook feel powerful and wanted. He'd never felt desired like this before. It was making him lose his mind. Every passing second without being inside you made him more and more antsy.

Then you finally lifted yourself up, this time prying Jungkook's hands away from your hips so you could lean towards his end table where he knew you'd find condoms.

That shocked Jungkook, making him look at you with wide eyes.

"How-

"I know the guys have been trying to get you laid for ages. Jimin told me he got you some condoms," you chuckled at his shock as you nonchalantly ripped the packet open with your mouth, — fuck, why was that so hot? — taking your position on his crotch once more in order to insert it.

He whimpered at the sight, too turned on to feel embarrassed over it as he ushered for you to hurry up. More tiny sounds of desperation continued to leave him as you actually slipped on the condom and lifted yourself up. The buildup drove him insane with desire. Every second felt elongated, but when the moment to finally lower yourself on him came, Jungkook swore he left this dimension.

He'd read about what it was like. Hell, he'd watched endless porn depicting what were meant to represent virgins (but he was aware were just actors), hoping to understand what the feeling of finally being enveloped by an actual pussy would feel like. But it was safe to say none of it came close to reality.

He was unsure of what he must've looked like to you at that moment, but he truly felt himself completely ruined. His mouth was agape while his eyes closed shut, eyebrows lifting so high up they were likely at his hairline. Fingers dug into your skin, careless of any bruises they could leave behind (he made a mental note of asking if he could kiss them better later, but it was buried under every other feeling at the moment). His toes curled and his body hair rose in goosebumps. Every other part of himself went unaccounted for, as pleasure took over his ability to process anything else.

It was the safest feeling possible. He knew it was an odd way to describe it, but he truly felt like he was made to be inside you. Like he was fitting a part of the puzzle he'd been looking for forever.

On top of that was the immense pleasure, of course. The incoherent pleas and whimpers leaving his lips were a testament of it.

He begged and pleaded and cried and whined and made every embarrassing sound known to man as you started to move. You'd given him a few moments to get used to it, asking if you could move (you only received a gasp and a pathetic nod as a response) before you began a pace so torturously good that it had Jungkook reconsidering his religion.

"S'so good ... fuck. Oh, god, fuck, it's so- ah! shit, f-fuck me," he babbled, literally drooling at the feeling.

He was so yours in this moment, it was ridiculous. Jungkook had always claimed himself as yours (and had even subconsciously saved himself for you), but this feeling simply solidified it. There was no reality in which he wasn't made for you. Made to receive and give all the pleasure from and to you.

At first, his brain could not even process the view above him, and he was glad for it. Because as soon as he could, he was a gone man.

You mirrored his reaction to a certain extent, gasping and furrowing your brows any time his dick would hit a specific part of you that gave you that extra hit of pleasure. Your back was arched and your pelvis glued to his own. The view was something Jungkook could never forget.

"Feel so good, Kookie, fuck ... How could you be worried when it's so fucking good ..." you sighed.

You rambled praise for him, aiding tenfold to the indescribable feeling of being with you in such a bare form. Jungkook was sure his orgasm was pathetically close, but he could not bring himself to even think of it. Not when his undoing was so unimaginably euphoric.

He had no way of warning you, instead writhing and gasping under you. It was an out of body experience, taking him to a place so high he wasn't sure he would ever come back down.

And then everything went dark.

He wasn't sure how long he was unconscious for, but by the time the convulsions ended and his heart rate went back down, you were already lying down next to him. Cuddled up next to him, your fingers ran up and down his chest in a softness he'd never experienced, accompanied by the occasional peck left against his skin.

"Love you," he mumbled when his words finally found him.

"You scared me!," you sat up a bit to face him better, "Are you back with me now? Did my pussy break you?"

You were joking, but Jungkook was almost entirely sure that was what had happened.

"How long was I out for?", he turned to face you, arm wrapping around you to pull you closer.

"Just a few minutes. Was that too intense?"

"Hah, no, just ... yeah. I've never felt something like that before."

"Well, now you get to feel it any time you want," you grinned at him with a peck to his lips.

"Hmm, yeah," he mumbled happily before a thought snapped him out of his post-coital daze, "Wait, fuck, did you cum?"

"Yeah. I was almost there, Kookie, don't worry. Just had to work myself a bit more after you passed out. No biggie," you reassured him.

Before he could protest, you shushed him with your hand hovering over his mouth.

"Don't whine about it. I literally came in my pants because of you. Consider that a win."

And that was that.

Jungkook decided to let it go and instead cuddle you to sleep, completely disregarding the rollercoaster this night had been. Nothing else really seemed to matter while he held you in his arms anyways. Especially due to the warmth of your bare skin against his own, just like he'd always wanted.

to read short 1.8k word continuation (+ all other previously written bonus content) you can go join my jk monthly tier on patreon!

content: jk and reader being annoying and in their honeymoon phase, smut, afab reader, grinding, kissing, oral (m receiving), overstimulation, etc.

wc: 451 (teaser); 1842 (full drabble)

sneak peak:

"God, man, I heard about Sora. I'm so sorry," Joon began, "I didn't think she'd be so mean to you. She hounded me in the hallway just an hour ago about lying to her and setting her up with a loser — sorry, her words."

This caused you to groan in annoyance, cuddling further into Jungkook at the mention of the faceless girl you'd never met but had grown to hate.

Jungkook had let you in on all the details on what had happened upon further insistence from you. It was safe to say that he had to talk you down from jumping her in the hallway (he knew you'd never actually do such a thing, but the thought counted regardless).

"Ew, don't bring her up. Jungkook's never looked in another woman's direction ever. Right, Kookie?"

It was a little inside joke between you. After having defiled him, you'd developed some healthy possessiveness over him. He was over the moon about it, always playing into it.

Joon simply chuckled, rolling his eyes at both the joke and the sight of the two of you practically cuddled up on a bench in the middle of the quad. No sense or shame for being that annoying couple, nor any care for your other friends sitting across from you, already put off by you.

"It's true," Jungkook nodded, "And that shitty date ended up working in my favor in the end, so if anything, I should be thanking you," he added.

"Finally getting you to shut up about Y/N is payment enough," he walked over to the bench you'd been sitting at, with Taehyung and Jimin sitting to the other side of it.The two had quickly learned to disregard the two of you and your lovesickness for each other, "Now get off each other. No one needs to see you sitting on Jungkook's lap at 11:30 in the morning."

"We already tried. They literally kicked me off that side of the bench so she could lay on him," grumbled Jimin before giving his attention back to Taehyung.

You got up then, nose scrunching at Kook's whine at the sudden disconnect between you, "It's fine. We were just leaving anyway," you held out your hand for him to get up.

"Let me know when the honeymoon phase is over," jested Joon as he took the seat you'd emptied.

Already on your way to leave, you turned back with a smile, "You're just jealous that me and my boyfriend are in love!", Jungkook giggled at your loudness.

"Where are we going?", he asked as he followed you mindlessly.

"To get some privacy, baby. They don't tolerate real lovers here," you joked in a mockingly serious tone.

...

find the continuation on patreon!

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[gnomishcunning]

there’s something delightfully angsty thinking about rolan, trying and failing to cope with his (seemingly) unrequited feelings for tav.

there’s this person, this hero, who has a magnetic attraction or second sense for whenever rolan is experiencing despair. they swoop in and play a first-hand witness to every godawful moment in his life. from keeping them from leaving the grove and perishing on the road, to finding him drunk off his ass at last light, to walking into sorceries sundries and blatantly questioning the bruises on his face.

worst off, they do everything in their power to fix it: they keep him and his siblings together, they save his only family from the depths of moonlight towers and his own ass from the shadowlands, and then beat up his abusive master and hand him an Archmage’s title on a silver platter.

by act 3 of baldur’s gate he owes all his success to this person he can only mentally rectify as his personal guardian angel. he has his life, his family, and he’s living his lifelong dream thanks to them. they’ve seen him at his worse and they did everything in their power to help him anyways, and what does he get?

an ego that died a quiet death somewhere in the shadowlands, that got buried under Lorroakan’s boot heel. a tower and a magic canon that, gods help him, may help him find a way to repay a single iota of the multiple life debts he owes his hero. memories of his mistreatment of them along the road to baldur’s gate.

and these feelings, these godsawful feelings he can’t bring himself to put a name to. a longing so great it hurts, admiration so deep it he hasn’t found the depths of it, a love so great it scares him, so desperate it has him making awkward, stilted jokes about being friends, pledging his help to fight a literal netherbrain, jokingly (not jokingly) referring to himself as the dashing master - trying and failing to endear himself to his seemingly-insane savior while they prance about in a party full of insanely attractive bachelors, all gunning for their attention.

he knows he can’t compare, after how he treated them. he just doesn’t measure up. they’ve seen him at his worst and he can’t be loved by someone like them, after that, but-

his grumpy little jokes always earn him that weird little sideways smile, and it sends his heart a-fluttering.

so he’s going to try.

he’s always been good at embracing hopelessness, anyways

[obsessedelusional]

best friends?

paring ↬ Eddie Munson x fem!reader

summary ↬ Since birth your entire life revolved around one person, your best friend—Eddie Munson. The two of you always close but never crossing any boundaries that would allow you to be anything more than friends. It wasn’t until college that you were able to experience a life without him. Making other friends and dating, without his presence. Lead you feeling like things would be different when you returned to Hawkins. What happens when you do return, the both of you being a little drunk and in your feelings?

a/n: wrote this forever ago but never uploaded cuz I thought it was a lil cheesy but missing my mans Eddie so took the time to re read it and change some bits, hope you enjoy xx

Feedback & Reblogs appreciated! Thank you ♥︎

⋆. 𝜗𝜚 ˚⋆

You stand outside, trying to summon the courage to step into the party being thrown in your honor. The trailer, once a place that brought you so much peace, now feels like a source of overwhelming anxiety. It belonged to Eddie, your best friend. The person who has been by your side since diapers. The two of you had been inseparable growing up, all the way through high school. But that was a year ago. So much had changed during your first year of college. You’d seen him a handful of times since then, but it was nothing like the bond you used to share.

With your first year of college coming to an end, you’ve returned to your hometown. As soon as Eddie heard you were coming back, he insisted on throwing a party, just like old times. Unable to tell that him no, you reluctantly agreed.

Standing in front of his trailer, you find yourself frozen, unable to cross the threshold. It’s been months since you last saw him. It was some time during Christmas break. In a desperate attempt to muster some liquid courage, you’d taken a few large gulps of liquor before making the short walk here.

It wasn’t helping.

The first 18 years of your life were spent with Eddie. Your fathers were best friends, which made you friends by situation. It didn’t take much for it to become an all consuming friendship between. Only becoming closer when everything happened to his mother, then his father leaving him with his uncle when he was still in grade school. Becoming his only constant in his life. The two of you always so close but never crossing that boundary between friends and lovers. Even though you so desperately craved it.

Your high school years were spent pining after your best friend, watching him date girls that weren’t you. College gave you the chance to step outside Eddie’s orbit. You found a world outside of Munson, making friends and even dating. Slowly, your world stopped revolving around him. You thought you’d return as a more confident version of yourself.

But now, standing here, terrified of seeing those big brown eyes, you realize just how fragile that progress was. One look, and you fear you’ll revert to that awkward teenager with unrequited love for her lifelong friend. A part of you knows that shy girl is still there, lingering beneath the surface. No one has ever compared to Eddie Munson in your life.

Someone pushes past you, jolting you out of your thoughts. Following closely behind, you step into the trailer. The interior hasn’t changed, it’s like stepping into the past. You force yourself to move, slipping through the sliding glass door into the backyard. Music is blasting, and the crowd is alive with laughter and chatter.

Eddie sits by the fire pit, looking a little lost. He’s already had a few drinks, his gaze fixed on the ground as he takes another swig from a beer bottle. The sight of him, so familiar, so achingly Eddie. And fuck does it do a number on you.

Within seconds, you’re seated next to him.

“Mind if I have a drink?” you ask.

Eddie looks up, his frown softening into a half smile. He doesn’t respond immediately, just staring at you like he’s making sure you’re really there. Finally, he says, “I thought you didn’t drink anymore.”

“Yeah, well… tonight’s an exception,” you reply, accepting the beer he hands you.

“I missed you,” Eddie admits, his voice quieter than usual.

“I missed you too.”

“How have you been?” You ask as he takes too long to respond, willing the conversation to move forward.

For a while, the two of you catch up—his job at the mechanic shop, the band’s success with gigs in neighboring towns. He looks genuinely happy talking about his music, and you can’t help but admire the passion lighting up his face. Noticing how much more animated he is talking about what the bands been up to. Knowing that he had always hoped to make it big, that working with his Uncle was not where he wanted to be but accepted it.

“You should come to one of our shows while you’re in town.” He suggests, looking at you eagerly while waiting for a response.

“That’d be fun,” you reply, trying to sound casual, but your heart is racing. Eddie’s excitement is infectious, and the way he’s looking at you now is making it impossible to focus.

“We’re playing at The Hideout next weekend,” he says, leaning forward slightly. “You can’t miss it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you say, your lips curving into a smile as you take another sip of the beer he handed you.

Eddie’s grin widens, his dimples deepening, and you can feel the familiar pull he’s always had on you. It’s annoying, really. One conversation, one smile, and you’re already wondering if the progress you made this year was all for nothing.

“It’ll be just like old times,” he says, nudging you with his shoulder. “You and me, rocking out. Well, me rocking out. You cheering like my number one fan.”

“Always your number one fan,” you admit softly, the words slipping out before you can stop them.

Eddie’s gaze lingers on you for a moment longer than it should, his playful smirk faltering into something more serious. “I missed this,” he says quietly. “Missed you.”

You look down at your drink, avoiding his eyes. “I missed you too, Eddie.”

“How’s college life been?” Eddie asks, flipping the conversation onto you.

“Good… it’s been really good. I’ve been making friends and dating—getting the whole college experience.”

“You still with that loser Michael?”

“No.”

“Oh shit… I’m sorry,” he says, immediately regretting the casual diss.

“It’s fine.” You laugh because, if there’s one thing Michael was, it’s a loser. Eddie had called it from the start, but you didn’t want to believe him. Now, having experienced it yourself, you know he was right.

“What happened?” Eddie asks curiously, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m not nearly drunk enough to talk about him yet,” you say, shaking your head and laughing at the thought of explaining.

“Then keep drinking,” Eddie laughs with you. You listen, raising the can to your lips and taking a large swig.

“You know who’s here tonight?” Eddie asks after a brief silence.

“Who?” you reply, glancing around at the familiar faces. You hadn’t greeted anyone else, immediately finding Eddie and slipping back into old habits.

“Mark.”

His name immediately tempts an eye roll, but you suppress it. You don’t bother scanning the room for him. No need to open that can of worms.

“You used to like Mark, right? Back in high school?” Eddie presses, cracking the lid open anyway.

“Yeah…” you admit reluctantly.

“Why didn’t you ever date him?”

“I don’t know. I think I was just scared,” you lie, avoiding Eddie’s gaze and taking another sip.

“But you liked him, and he liked you. That much was obvious. He’s a nice guy. Smart, too,” Eddie adds, scratching his head.

When you finally look up, Eddie’s eyes are already on you. His gaze holds a quiet intensity that makes your cheeks heat up—or maybe it’s the shots and beers working their way through your system. Either way, you’re sure your face is flushed.

“I guess I just… had my eyes elsewhere,” you admit, your voice soft as your eyes stay locked with his.

Eddie raises an eyebrow. His face is unreadable, but you can tell he’s intrigued.

“Had your eyes elsewhere?” he repeats, sipping his beer and waiting for you to elaborate.

“Yeah…”

“Who were you looking at?”

“I wasn’t going to admit it then, and I’m not starting now,” you retort defensively, laughing to cover the tension.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be shy. It’s fine, we were kids. Crushes are normal.” Eddie nudges you playfully, trying to lighten the mood.

“No, it’s stupid.” You shake your head, but Eddie’s gaze doesn’t waver. He’s thinking hard, trying to piece it together.

“Was it me?” His voice is casual, but the words hit you like a thunderbolt. You freeze, and Eddie just keeps looking at you, calm but expectant.

“Yeah… I used to have the stupidest crush on you,” you admit with a laugh, hoping your flippant tone hides how much you mean it.

Eddie grins, blushing slightly. “Did you ever think we’d date?”

“I used to hope so,” you admit, fidgeting with your empty beer can. “But part of me knew it’d never happen.”

Eddie’s brow furrows, his expression serious now. “Why not? Why did you think we wouldn’t?”

“Because you’re you, and I’m me. I never thought you’d even look at me like that. I was shy, socially awkward—a giant loser,” you confess, laying your insecurities bare.

Eddie frowns, genuinely upset by your words. “You were never a loser to me,” he says softly. He sets his beer aside, leaning forward slightly.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything or make a move?” He asks not giving you a chance to respond to his last statement.

“I’d rather have stayed your friend than risk losing you if my feelings weren’t mutual.”

Eddie sighs, nodding in understanding. “You weren’t the only one who felt that way. I thought someone like you would never want to be with me. You were smart, going places. It just made sense that you’d end up with someone else. Someone better.”

You scoff, shaking your head. “Eddie, I followed you around like a lost puppy. I did anything and everything you asked. I started smoking, drinking, partying. All just to be around you more. I was so helplessly, pathetically in love with you.”

Eddie stares at you, stunned into silence for a moment.

“If you were so in love with me, why didn’t you ever say anything?” His voice is quiet, almost disbelieving.

“I thought you had to know. Everyone knew. I’d get teased about it constantly—people at school, our friends, even our parents. And every time, without fail, you denied it,” you say, holding his gaze.

Eddie rubs the back of his neck, looking guilty. “Yeah, I heard the teasing too. I just… I didn’t think you felt that way for real. Have you always felt this way?”

“It’s always been there,” you admit. “Even when we were kids, but it got stronger when we got older.”

“And do you still feel that way?” Eddie asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

You hesitate, but honesty wins out. “I feel like it’ll always be there, whether I want it to be or not.”

Eddie exhales deeply, running his hands through his hair. His silence is deafening, and your nerves spike.

“Say something,” you urge, forcing a weak laugh to cover how vulnerable you feel.

Eddie finally looks at you, his eyes soft and contemplative. “I don’t know what to say. I feel like an idiot for not seeing it before. For not doing something about it back then.”

You shrug, smiling faintly. “It’s ancient history now, right? I mean, we’re just friends, and that’s fine. It’s great, even.”

Eddie tilts his head, studying you with a mix of disbelief and something you can’t quite name. “Do you really think that’s all we’ve ever been?”

“Isn’t it?” you counter, trying to keep your voice steady.

He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he leans back, staring at the ceiling as though searching for the right words. Finally, he sighs.

“Maybe it was all I let it be,” he admits. “I didn’t think I deserved to have you like me. Not like that. So I never let myself think about it. I shut it down before it could even start.”

Your chest tightens at his confession, and suddenly, the air between you feels heavier.

“Well,” you murmur, breaking the tension with a nervous laugh, “we’re quite a pair, aren’t we? Both too scared to say anything, both too blind to see what was right in front of us.”

Eddie chuckles softly, shaking his head. “Yeah, guess we are.”

“Did you really start smoking, drinking, and partying just to be around me more?” he chuckles as he asks.

“Unfortunately, yes. You probably could’ve asked me to do crack, and I would’ve considered it back then.” You laugh, and he laughs with you at your honesty. He’s never seen that side of you before; no one’s ever had the guts to be this honest.

“You were crazy about me, huh?” he grins.

“Yes, and it was embarrassing, Eddie.”

“So, that’s why you never dated anyone? Because I was too stupid to see you right in front of me?” Eddie says, not really asking, just confirming it out loud to himself.

“What happened with Michael then? Why’d you two break up?” Eddie asks, curiously looking at his bottle.

“We broke up a few weeks ago. He was nice… but boring. And I’m boring, so for me to think someone else is boring, they have to be really boring.” As you speak, he laughs. He always disliked Michael and never let you forget it.

“You didn’t really see a future with him then?” Eddie asks, already knowing the answer.

“I tried to… he was so rich. Like, I could’ve had a few kids and never lifted a finger again—type rich. But his lack of personality and being terrible in bed, I couldn’t look past those things.” You can’t help the drunk laughter that comes as you speak, surprised by how honest you’re being.

Eddie’s face mirrors your surprise when you finally stop staring at your bottle. He can’t help but laugh. It’s the first time he’s heard you joke about something so serious.

“Bad in bed?” Eddie laughs so much he has tears in his eyes. He looks at you, and your eyes are now a little glazed.

“Mhmm… I had to do all the work. He had a very teeny weeny.” You laugh as the confession leaves your mouth. Sober you would have never admitted this outloud. Eddie shakes his head as if he can’t believe the words coming from you.

“Damn… he was tiny?”

“I’m sorry… I’m starting to feel the effects of the drinks and losing my filter.” You set your empty bottle down, bringing your cold hands to cover your warm face in embarrassment. Eddie laughs even more, clearly enjoying this side of you.

“Keep going, this is great. How tiny exactly are we talking?” Eddie can’t help but ask, curious to hear just how small this guy really was.

“He had a micro penis, like scientifically. A doctor diagnosed him. It’s one thing to have a teeny weeny, but at least compensate elsewhere.” You huff in annoyance. You know you shouldn’t be admitting this to Eddie, but it feels good to finally get it off your chest. The girlfriends you had in school would always try to see the positive in Michael and talk you down.

“He couldn’t compensate anywhere else either?” Eddie asks, still laughing, and you can tell he might even start to cry from how hard he’s laughing.

“Nope.”

“Damn. That’s a shame.”

“I know. The first time I went to have sex, and he has a micro penis. Just my luck.”

“That must have been a disappointment for sure. You were this young, cute girl wanting to get it in, and he turns around and pulls out that little thing?” Eddie says, with a laugh holding his hand out to show how small it was.

He can’t help but think of his own cock, it’s definitely not micro. It’s something he’s always been proud of, large and heavy. His mind wonders to thoughts of his sliding his length inbetween your folds, until you beg from him to finally fuck you. His thoughts interrupted when you speak.

“Yeah.. I tried really hard to no judge him and make it work. After six months, I couldn’t do it anymore.” As you speak, his eyes dart to your lips. He’s enjoying this conversation but now his mind is elsewhere. He can feel the heat growing between his legs, his dick stiffens as he porrly attempts to push those thoughts away.

"Do you know how much I wish I’d paid more attention back then? Save you all that trouble. I wish I could go back and do things right. If I could, I’d make a move on you in a heartbeat. But that’s in the past. I’m not letting you slip away again.” Eddie’s voice is genuine, tinged with frustration. He can’t help but imagine how different things might have been if one of you had made a move when you were younger.

“Is it too late for us?” Eddie asks, his voice quiet but earnest. He doesn’t want to mess this up now, not after finally finding the courage to be honest with you.

“I don’t think so. I’m willing… if you are.” You answer, looking down at the tiny space between you, now nearly nonexistent.

You meet his eyes again, and this time, his gaze shifts to your lips. That’s all it takes. Before Eddie can respond, you pull him closer and kiss him hungrily. He matches your intensity, kissing you back with just as much passion. Your hands tangle in his hair, pulling him closer as the kiss deepens—an image you’d imagined countless times before. A smile plays on your lips, and the sound of Eddie’s groan fills the air as your kiss continues.

After a few more heated moments, Eddie pulls away first, his lips swollen and red. You can’t see yourself, but you imagine you look the same.

“Do you have any plans this weekend?” he asks between breaths, trying to catch his voice.

“No,” you answer, barely able to focus on the words.

“Good, I’m going to pick you up Saturday night. We’re going on the most stereo typical high school date. Make up for all those missed out years.” Eddie’s grin is mischievous.

“Oh yeah? What does that entail?”

“First I’m gonna take you to Al’s dinner, cop a feel at the movie theaters and then drive you to the look out and hope that I get lucky.” He teases, kissing you swiftly as if it’s the most natural occurrence.

“We used to do all those things but without the kissing and heavy petting.” You say and can’t help the eye roll that happens, as you bite your lip trying not to smile.

“Yeah but I’m not holding back no more. Now that I know your feelings are mutual, prepare to be sick of me.”

“Dunno if I could ever get sick of you, Eddie.” You admit, honestly.

“Good. I’m going to make you so damn happy. You’ll never get bored with me,” he says, laughing as he throws a jab at your ex.

“I believe it,” you smile, your fingers intertwining with his.

“It may sound cheesy, but I want to be the guy who can walk into a room and make you feel the most comfortable and safe. When people see us together, I want them to know that we’ve found the best in each other.”

“Eddie, you’ve always been that for me.”

“Good, and I’m only going to get better when I’m your boyfriend. That’s a promise.” Eddie’s voice is full of confidence, even a bit cocky now, but it’s clear he knows what he’s capable of. He’s determined to be the man you’ve always deserved.

[joooooniecore]

Confessed by the wrong person

scoupsxfem!reader, best friends to lovers, happy ending

PLOT: a reunion changes everything between you and your best friend Seungcheol. A revengeful confession. Will you both be able to find each other back? Or drift apart?

WARNINGS: smut, explicit language, bodily fluids mentioned, tiny bullying? smut has been marked(skip if uncomfortable)

______________________________________________________________

CTRL+A and backspace. These two are the only things you have known for the past two months. Being an author is fun they said. You would call yourself kind of a newbie author who rose into fame through her debut book. You are a romance book writer but recently you are trying to do something a little different for your fifth book. A mystery thriller encapsuled in a romance book. Its different and hence you are unable to think of any possible plots. A tenuous job. Your agent was kind enough to give you six months' time to finish this book. Your other books were doing great so you could sit back and relax a bit while working on this book.

The doorbell was what brought you out of your endless turmoil. You groaned a bit while getting up from the office chair that have by now moulded itself to the shape of your body. Your hips cracking a bit as you walked up to the door to see who it was. Opening the door widely, you are welcomed by a very happy Choi Seungcheol.

Seungcheol has been your best friend for ages. You both went to the same high school and later attended the same university. It was always you both. From the awkward teenage phase to the pressure of university projects. You both never left each other's sides and everyone around you knew that. You were a duo. A duo many loved but also many hated. The hate list mostly included Seungcheol's dates. All of them miraculously hated you even if you rarely met him. You weren't exactly the type of person who would try to be in her male friend's arms pretending to be platonic. You maintained distance and never sabotaged his dates.

Even if you were in love with him.

"I bought food, now move.", Seungcheol said as he pushed past you and kept the food on the dining table before taking his usual spot on the couch.

"Why are you here?", you asked clearly confused.

"Why? Can't I meet my best friend?", Seungcheol feigned a pout.

You rolled your eyes before replying, "No idiot. I strongly believe that one should work on weekdays."

Seungcheol shrugged his shoulders before replying, "I am the boss so..."

Seungcheol took over his dad's company once he completed his studies. It was his lifelong dream to become a business man. His dad is a very lenient man and actually never pressured Seungcheol into inheriting his company but Seungcheol wanted to do that. So now, with his dad retired, he is the current CEO of the company. You were actually proud of him for achieving something like that at such a young age.

You checked the packets he had bought and it was mostly snacks. You picked out two packets of chips and sat beside him before handing him one.

"How is your book coming along?", Seungcheol asked between bites.

"It's umm well not going great.", you answered with not much confidence in your voice.

"Why? What's wrong?", Seungcheol asked.

"I am unable to create the plot.", you truthfully confessed. You have been struggling to arrange the plot for over a month now and it was killing you from inside. Normally you struggle with writing lines but it has never happened to you that you have not a single plot idea in mind.

"You will be fine. Don't worry.", Seungcheol said as he patted your back.

"Are you going to the reunion?", Seungcheol asked.

The reunion. That is something you have been dreading for quite some time. You love your classmates, there is no lie in that. But you hated that one girl who had once been your entire life. Your ex best friend. The girl you shared everything with. The girl who was there on your highs and lows and the girl who was the only one who knew how you harbored a tiny crush for your male best friend. Haewon.

You and Haewon became close very quickly and were each other's solace. You both went to classes together and even shared weekends at each other's dorm rooms. Seungcheol being in the different department actually gave you less time to meet him so most of your time was taken over by Haewon. Then she started expanding her friend circle. She would talk to the more popular girls of the department and hang out with them more often. The meet ups increased and slowly she abandoned you. She became mean, closed off and somewhat invincible.

You tried to talk with her many times, reminding her about the friendship you both shared but nothing bothered her. She was proud of being one of the famous girls in the class and you were simply a dark spot in her ever so flashy life. You gave up. After that one fight which has been the nastiest fight you have ever encountered, you walked out of her life and planned on never looking back.

"I am not sure Cheol.", you said clearly not willing to face Haewon and her new friends. You knew they will be there, showing off the successes they have had after university.

"Come on. I have no one else to go with.", Seungcheol nagged.

"Don't lie. Jeonghan is going, I know.", your grumbled.

"Yes, but we both know that he is going to flirt all night.", Seungcheol reasoned.

You chuckled a bit after remembering how good Jeonghan is at flirting with literally anyone he finds attractive. You thought for a bit, and seeing how Seungcheol really has no one to go with, you agreed. He jumped on you, hugging you tight as if you saved him from some sort of apocalypse.

______________________________________________________________

The next few days went by in a blur. You were added to the reunion group and you were fearing to even look at the members of the group. The reunion was actually going to be a weekend long trip to a nearby beach city. A simple weekend with old friends sounded so fun if you omitted that one group of people. You decided to not think about it.

It was one morning when you woke up earlier than you do and went out for a walk in the park. You normally exercised at home or in the gym that was attached to your apartment complex but you felt like you need some fresh air. As you walked through the beautiful scenery of the park, you could see many people who have come for morning walks, jogs or even to take their dog out. There were elderly people exercising in the middle of the green ground and you kind of found it peaceful.

After rounding the entire park two times, you decided to sit on a bench and rest. A little while later, you felt someone sit beside you but you were so engrossed in thinking about the plot that you barely noticed.

"Want a drink?", came the deep voice from beside you.

You whipped your head to see Seungcheol smiling at you. His forehead was glistening with sweat from exercising or running laps and he was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt for god's sake. His biceps proudly on display and his abs and rigid chest slightly visible through the sweat dripping shirt that was stuck to his body like a glove.

You gulped a bit, trying to maintain your composure and nodded your head. He took out an energy drink from his backpack and handed it over to you not before opening the can by himself.

"There you go.", he said with a tender smile.

These were the kind of things that Seungcheol did which made your heart flutter. He would pay for your dinners, send food to your house, buy you expensive gifts and even run to you whenever you need him. He was a gentleman through and through. You have never seen him miss a chance to open the car door for you. You normally looked at these things through a platonic eye but at certain moments they urged you to ask him "What are we?"

You took the drink and chugged it down in one go, coughing a bit when the strong acid hit the back of your throat.

"Easy there love.", Seungcheol said as he patted your back to help you control your reactions. The warmth of his hand on your back did nothing but send shivers down your spine. Your heart skipped a beat as you tried to control yourself.

"You run here?", you asked after you have controlled your hiccups.

"Yes. I always come here for running. Great place.", Seungcheol explained as he himself took a sip of the drink he was holding.

"Why have I never known about this?", you asked.

"Well maybe because rich people go to apartment attached gyms.", he joked, elbowing you.

"Yah! You are rich too!", you pouted.

"I live in a house, not apartment.", he smirked.

You rolled your eyes and hit him in the chest which did nothing to him. Instead, it made your imagination go wild when your hands laid flat on his chest even if it were for a fraction of second. The hardness of his muscles imprinted on your palm as you flinched a bit and laughed nervously.

"When will you go home?", he asked after a while.

"In a bit.", you replied, enjoying the nature around you.

"Let me walk you back to your house.", Seungcheol said as he got up.

"I can walk back myself.", you said as you also got up and started walking but couldn't reach far as he held your elbow firmly and pulled you closer to him.

"W-What's wrong?", you asked, internally cursing at how you stuttered.

"You see that man over there.", he said as he subtly pointed at this very strange man.

"Yeah? What about him?", you asked.

"He has been eyeing you since past ten minutes. Its only eight in the morning and the streets are empty. Let me. Please.", he practically begged you.

You nodded and started walking with him. And as if on cue, the man eyed you, trying to find a way to see if Seungcheol was going to be with you and that felt like a gut punch. You hated how men thought of women as easy targets, almost trying to attack even if it is in the broad daylight.

After reaching the apartment door, you asked Seungcheol to come in for breakfast which he declined saying that he needs to run some errands before he visits his office.

The rest of the day went by quickly as you sat on your desk and thought of plots. You were actually elated when you thought of a good plot and even discussed it with your agent who gave you a green signal. You racked your brain for ideas and finally by evening, your first chapter was done and you have almost decided eighty percent of the ending.

A phone call took you out of your zone as you picked up the phone to find Jeonghan calling.

"Hello Jeonghan-ah!", you smiled.

"Hie! I have been meaning to call you. How have you been?", Jeonghan said.

"I have been great. What about you?", you asked.

"Great. I heard you are coming to the reunion with Seungcheol.", he said and you could hear the teasing in his voice.

Jeonghan is someone you can never hide something from. He will know and there is no denying in that. The first day he saw you and Seungcheol together at that one party, he came up to you and bombarded you with questions and you quickly complied and told him about your feelings. He laughed and said that Seungcheol was really dumb to miss on a girl like you which you were not sure if was true or not. Why would Seungcheol regret it? You are no one special. And with his money and looks, Choi Seungcheol can date anyone he wants. Then why you?

"I am going yes.", you answered with a sigh.

"Come on it will be fun. So, you both entering like a couple or...?", Jeonghan asked.

"No! We are going as friends Jeonghan.", you answered through gritted teeth.

"Wow stupid people. Anyways, just so you know, I won't let Haewon and her minions ruin this trip for you.", Jeonghan firmly confirmed.

______________________________________________________________

The day of the reunion came closer and your heart started beating faster. You were stressed about your book itself and on top of that you haven't packed anything for your trip. Everything was a mess and it overwhelmed you. You panicked so much that you lied down on the ground in your living room and cried. Finally, when you realized that the panic wasn't going away, you called Seungcheol.

"Hello?", came Seungcheol's husky voice.

"Hey umm are you busy?", you asked, clearly unsure of how you should say this.

"A bit. Why?", said Seungcheol

"Oh. Then no worries.", you quickly said.

"____. What happened?", Seungcheol demanded sternly.

"Its nothing important.", you tried to dismiss the situation.

"You say it or I come there and find out myself.", he warned.

"I was just having a panic attack as everything was overwhelming me so I thought of calling you.", you explained.

"Are you okay now? Do I need to come right now?", Seungcheol asked, clearly concerned.

"I am fine now.", you said.

"Okay. Listen to me carefully. I want you to take some rest and give me half an hour. I will come to you by then.", Seungcheol explained.

"No. Its not required.", you reasoned.

"Just listen to me once.", Seungcheol groaned and you agreed.

Half an hour later, Seungcheol was actually standing in your living room, helping you sort through your dresses with the help of his sister. She commented on every dress and was glad enough to help you pick some good ones.

"Thank you Seunghee.", you said as you smiled at her through the phone.

"Noona, can I talk to you for a second. Go to the other room.", she said.

"Why? I also want to hear it.", Seungcheol visibly pouted.

"No dummy. I want to have a girl talk.", Seunghee rolled her eyes.

You gladly took the phone from Seungcheol's hands and went to your bedroom before plugging your headphone in.

"What is it?", you finally asked.

"You remember the red dress that I rejected?", she asked and you nodded. It's a bodycon, mini dress with shimmery design and looks absolutely great on you. You were actually disheartened when Seunghee said no to it.

"Pack that when Seungcheol goes back home.", she said with a smirk.

"Huh? Why?", you asked, clearly confused.

"You are dumb enough to not see that my brother likes you.", Seunghee rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time.

"What? He doesn't!", you whisper yelled.

"Trust me this one time please. Take that dress and wear it on the night of party. Please.", she pleaded with those glistening eyes that you can never say no to. Seunghee was someone you immensely adored and so you easily caved in.

After the conversation, you handed the phone back to Seungcheol and when he asked about what his sister said, you denied it saying it was related to some girly stuffs that he won't be interested in. You have heard many people say that Seungcheol might like you but for the first time you let someone's words actually affect you. Seunghee's words were enough to put a seed of doubt in your mind and you started seeing everything Seungcheol did from a different perspective.

______________________________________________________________

The journey to the beach town was nothing special. Everyone boarded the train and went there, clearly not sitting side by side. You saw Haewon once but she was soon off to a different coach with her friends. It felt like a relief to you. The rest of the journey went by you and Seungcheol eating, reading, listening to songs and laughing while remembering your college days.

The hotel was pleasant looking. It looked over the beach and gave an amazing view of the sea. You have always been a beach person and finding out that your room overlooked the ocean made you all giddy from inside. After setting your luggage in your room, you went to the attached balcony to enjoy the view. Seungcheol knocked on your door and informed you that everyone is planning to eat something before resting for the evening.

You had some food and sat at the farthest corner, clearly trying to avoid Haewon. You only looked up when Seungcheol sat across you with his food and when someone came by you to greet you and talk with you for a bit. Most of the people who came on the trip were nice. They talked with you with the same enthusiasm that they showed during your college days. Jeonghan was coming later in the evening because he had to get some job done before he catches the train.

The rest of the evening went along without any more interactions. You locked yourself in your room and worked on the book. You have made quite some progress and were actually proud with how good it was coming out. You busied yourself with finished at least the initial segments of the story, weaving most of the mystery and romance that were the main focus of your book.

After dinner you were too tired to even keep up with most of the conversations and you decided to call it a day.

The next day, everyone decided to hit the beach. Jeonghan was finally here and you along with Seungcheol decided to go together. You weren't exactly feeling comfortable in wearing a bikini so you decided on a tank cropped top and some shorts.

As you walked out of your room, you felt someone eyeing you as you turned to see Seungcheol leaning against one of the pillars in the main reception area. He gave you a lazy smile as he walked up to you.

"Good morning.", he said in a soft voice and your heart skipped a beat.

"Morning. Where is Jeonghan?", you asked, trying to compose yourself.

"He is already gone. You are late madam.", he teased and you simply rolled your eyes before walking out of the door, followed by Seungcheol who was simply smiling from ear to ear.

As soon as you stepped on the sand, you saw Haewon and her friends in bikini, lying on beach towels and tanning themselves. You decided to maintain a distance and sit a bit farther near other classmates. They gladly welcomed you and soon you were laughing and chatting happily with them. They even congratulated you for your successful releases. One of the girls even brought one of your books with her on the trip and you were happy enough to sign it for her. It felt good to see people actually being happy seeing you succeed.

"I didn't see you in the hotel last night.", came a high-pitched voice from behind you.

You turned to see Haewon standing there and just said, "I had an early dinner."

"Why? Growing old I see. Or is it your boring books that make you old?", she smirked and you really had no idea why she hated you so much.

You just smiled at her and that seemed to infuriate her more as she walked off.

"I don't like her.", said one of the classmates and all you could was simply agree.

The tension didn't die down from there. Every time you went past her and her friends; they would glare at you. From commenting on your looks to almost faking their concern about your weight gain. You have seen and heard many such things and this was not going to ruin you. Past you would have broken down and cried for days but present you was successful and had a very strong mental grip.

"You know why Haewon hates you so much?", Jeonghan asked as soon as he sat beside you.

You both were currently in the hotel garden that was beautifully decorated with all kinds of flowers.

"Because I am boring?", you answered unsure.

"No! She doesn't care about that.", Jeonghan laughed.

"Then why? I haven't done a thing to her.", you reasoned.

"She likes Seungcheol. Let me tell you a secret. She confessed to Seungcheol on the graduation day.", Jeonghan whispered.

Your eyes went wide as you gasped, "What? Seungcheol never said me that."

Jeonghan laughed a bit and said, "Yes. He knew you hated her and so he just didn't want to bother you more. He rejected her."

"Really? For me?", you were shocked by this new information.

"Yes. He said to her that he can't accept it because of what she has done to you and hence Haewon hates you. Because Seungcheol chose you over her.", Jeonghan concluded.

With this information in mind, you felt like you should infuriate her more. The plan was approved by Jeonghan and he even told you to glam up. It was Saturday and everyone will be gathering in the party hall of the hotel for a reunion party before they go back home the next day.

You decided to wear the red dress and even called Seunghee to help you with your makeup. She was more than happy to help. She told you to leave your hair open and un-styled because it looked good in its natural wavey form. She told you to do subtle makeup but put some bold red lipstick. The dress did the rest of the job as it hugged your curves perfectly. Finally strapping in the high heels, you were ready to go.

Seungcheol was already at the party when you entered with Jeonghan. The moment you entered, you saw Seungcheol get up and walk to you.

Jeonghan whispered a little 'enjoy' and left your side to talk with someone else.

Your breath hitched when you saw Seungcheol check you out from top to bottom. His hot gaze never leaving your figure as he took long strides and in a mere matter of minutes was standing in front of you, towering you even if you were wearing high heels.

"Hi.", you finally said.

"Wow. You- I mean don't take in the wrong way but you look very pretty.", Seungcheol sighed, his hot breath fanning your face.

"Thank you. You also don't look bad.", you teased and he smirked.

You both sat near the bar and ordered few drinks. Laughing and judging everyone that came here. You both shared a bond that nothing could break and at these moments you wished for him to stay in your life forever. Even if you never confess, you would want him to stay as a friend.

"Let's play truth and dare.", someone yelled and everyone agreed, soon huddling into a circle.

You sat in between Seungcheol and Jeonghan on the chair and someone spun the bottle. The game continued for like thirty minutes or so before it finally landed in between you and Mina, Haewon's friend. Your breath hitched as you saw Haewon smirk before whispering something to her friend.

You chose truth just to play it safe.

"Tell me a secret of yours that no one knows about?", she asked.

You racked your brain a bit and finally said, "Umm I write better when sitting in my bathtub."

There were some giggles and relief washed over you. Seungcheol looked at you as if you have offended him and said, "What? How do you use your laptop in that situation?" and you simply just flipped him off.

"Come one ____, you know we want something worse.", Mina smirked.

Your eyes went wide as you said, "I-I don't have such secrets."

"Seriously? You don't? You are not secretly harboring a crush on someone for years now?", challenged Mina and you knew you were fucked.

Seungcheol went stiff beside you as you saw him slightly retract his hands that were originally resting on the back rest of your chair. You quickly felt the loss of warmth that was coming from his hand over your shoulders.

"I-no I don't.", you answered but the slight tremor in your voice gave it away.

This time Haewon stepped in, meaning to ruin you for once and for all as she simply said, "So you are telling me that you are not in love with your best friend?"

That was the final nail on your coffin. You stiffened as you could only look down. Your mind raced as everyone around you hollered. As if on cue, Seungcheol rested his hand on your back and you flinched. You got up, murmuring a small 'excuse me' and left the party even though you could hear your friends call you. Without thinking anything you ran straight to your room and while you fumbled with the keys, you felt a presence behind you.

You turned around to see Seungcheol standing there, breathing heavily as if he has run hundred miles.

"Damn woman. How can you walk so fast in those heels?", he managed to breath normally.

"I- can you leave me alone please?", you pleaded.

"No. We both know that we need to talk.", he answered sternly and you were left with no option but to welcome him inside.

He sat on the bed and patted the space beside him for you to sit. The closeness caused shivers down your spine as you sat down.

"Listen-", he was about to start talking but you stopped him and spoke first.

"I know. I am sorry for hiding it. I didn't want to ruin our friendship and its fine that you don't have feelings for me. You can end the friendship if you want. I was just scared to confess because I knew you would never like someone lik-", this time you were cut off but not by his words, rather by his lips. On yours.

!!SMUT STARTS FROM HERE!!

Without realizing what was happening, you kissed him back. The kiss soon escalated as you both devoured each other's mouth before creating a distance only to breath.

"W-Wha- What was that?", you stammered.

"I didn't know how to shut you up darling.", Seungcheol said with an easy smile.

His fingers were placed on your hip as he firmly kneaded the skin and it sent shivers down your spine. Even if you were wearing clothes, you could feel the warmth of his hand right across your skin.

"I- you? Why would you?", you were at loss of words.

"I have liked you for a long time too. I also didn't want to ruin our friendship and hence I went on all those meaningless dates so that I could move on from you which never happened. I never moved on from you. You were it for me and I should have confessed sooner. I am sorry."

His confession made you blush as you closed the distance and kissed him. Your body molding with his as he pulled you on his lap, your dress riding up a bit as you sat on his thighs.

"This dress has been driving me insane all night.", Seungcheol groaned as he firmly gripped your hips and made you grind on his lap. You moaned in response as your slowly moved your hips in a rhythmic motion.

"The moment I saw you, I wanted to slam you against a wall and kiss you dumb.", said Seungcheol as he stared at your eyes with nothing but lust.

"Then what are you waiting for? Kiss me dumb.", you teased as you dipped your head a bit but didn't exactly kiss him.

This seemed to work wonders as he groaned and kissed you harshly. It wasn't a sweet kiss. This kiss was all teeth. It was a storm after a calm day. It was like the oceans that gushed and hit the shore harshly. His tongue played like waves inside your mouth as his hands grazed over every part of your body, as if memorizing you.

Seungcheol found the chain of the dress and slowly pulled it down, as you got out of it. The dress bunching up near your hips only.

"Fuck.", Seungcheol whispered as he saw the lingerie you were wearing.

"Please tell me that it is a matching set.", he pleaded and you nodded shyly.

"Did you wear this for me?", Seungcheol smirked.

"Kind of. Jeonghan said to see how you would react if I wear the dress.", you explained shyly.

"Oh, I will react. I will react very well.", his voice turned huskier as he cupped your clothed breast and took one in his mouth. With the material still in between his tongue and your breast, it created a delicious friction that made you grind your hips more.

"Fuck I will go crazy. You are so responsive baby.", He whispered against your skin as he unhooked the bra.

"Seungcheol...", you moaned.

"What is it darling?"

"Please Seungcheol.", you had no idea what you were begging for.

"What do you want?", he smirked as he picked you up and threw you on the bed before hovering over you.

"Take it off please. Take your shirt off.", you begged.

Seungcheol delivered. He stood on his knees and in a painfully slow pace, unbuttoned his shirt before throwing it aside. You were welcomed with his toned chest. You audibly moaned and that seemed to boast Seungcheol's ego.

"Loving the view?", he teased

"Of course.", you said as you did a come-hither motion to which he complied.

He dipped his head and trailed kisses down your chest. Starting from your neck, he marked every inch of your skin as you writhed under him. With an agonizing slow pace his mouth finally hovered over your core, which earned a moan from you.

"Please. Seungcheol, please.", you moaned.

"Patience baby.", Seungcheol chuckled and finally teased your core with his tongue which slowly turned into more aggressive licks as he devoured you. All you could do was moan and writhe which also got restricted when he used his left hand to hold your hips down with one strong grip.

Soon you were coming undone on his tongue, as your body shook and all you could do was moan his name.

"I love when you moan my name.", Seungcheol said as he looked at you, his chin glistening with your juices which made you even more aroused.

Suddenly you sat up and pushed him down on bed, before unbuckling his belt and rubbing his throbbing member over the fabric of his underwear. He let out a guttural moan and you smirked in victory. Having such a big strong man moan under you felt so good that you almost got wet again.

"Don't tease me love.", Seungcheol groaned and who were you to deny him.

You quickly dragged his pants and underwear down in one go and his dick sprang up, standing proud and thick.

"Fuck you are big.", you moaned as you moved your palm up and down the length before giving the tip kitten licks.

You took his whole dick in and bobbed your head while consecutively using your hand to create more friction. Seungcheol's fingers went through your hair before gripping it tight to control the bobbing of your head, fucking your mouth deep. Your eyes glistened with tears as you moaned at the feeling of being used by him.

"Fuck baby. You take me so well.", moaned Seungcheol before picking you up in one go and throwing you on the bed again.

"So wet from just sucking me?", Seungcheol teased before sinking two of his fingers in.

"Seungcheol, please fuck me. I don't need your fingers right now.", you moaned and Seungcheol obliged.

"I-I don't have condoms.", Seungcheol confessed shyly.

"It's okay. I am on birth control and clean.", you said to which he simply smiled and kissed you.

"I am also clean so, can I?", he asked and you nodded.

Lining his dick to your core, he slowly sunk in, giving you time to adjust.

"Fuck you are so tight.", he groaned, his eyebrows furrowing as he let out a disgruntled sigh.

"Seungcheol...", you moaned his name as you supported yourself by holding his biceps.

"Keep saying my name. Let everyone know who is fucking you right.", Seungcheol demanded and you moaned his name loud.

"Cheol fuck.", you whispered as you moaned and groaned.

"That's it. Baby, cum for me. Cum all over my cock. Cream me fuck.", Seungcheol whimpered as he kept his pace steady and firm.

Within seconds you were reaching your high again as you creamed his cock. Seungcheol pace didn't slow as he kept pounding into you, making a mess out of you. Your juices were everywhere as sweat formed on your forehead. Seungcheol dipped his head, as your foreheads were against each other and whispered, "I am gonna cum baby."

"Then cum Cheol. Cum inside me. Fill me up.", you said in a lust laden voice and that was Seungcheol's undoing as he came inside you.

!!SMUT ENDS HERE!!

After catching his breath, he lied down beside you for a bit before getting up to bring a warm water-soaked towel to clean you and then clean himself. After showering, you wore Seungcheol's shirt and lied down on the soft bed. Seungcheol joined you as he pulled your back against his chest and nuzzled into the crook of your neck.

"I love you.", he whispered and your heart melted.

"I love you too Cheollie.", you smiled as he giggled.

Then Seungcheol started laughing as you turned your head and gave him a questioning look.

"We are idiots, aren't we?", he giggled and you laughed along with him.

"You know what I am thinking?", you said.

"What?", asked Seungcheol.

"Haewon's face when she sees us hand in hand in the morning.", you smirked and Seungcheol gave a hearty laugh.

"You are a menace my love.", he teased and then you both dozed off.

______________________________________________________________

Author's note: First of all, ignore any sort of typos or grammatical mistakes. I am still trying to get a hang of this app as I have never made such long posts on this app before. Now, I love best friends to lovers trope so much and hence I really wanted to write this. I dreamed about this plot and I needed to write it down. I hope everyone enjoys it.

[williamkisser]

A Luca x reader would be nice........... preferably slow burn and y/n is the shy type............. I'm hungry................. Thirsty............ Would beg....... Thank you.... *dying*

♡— The Prisoner with a shy S/O

♡— Oh my god… anon… N-N… NO!!!! Anon please, don’t do this to me… breathe. Oh my god. BREATHE!! *sniff* *sob* i’m… I’m so sorry i couldn’t save you, anon…. I hope you’re in a better place now… *sob*

♡— Warnings: g/n reader, fluff, possibly ooc i’m not sure, word count is 1400

♡— Luca Balsa, despite going through a turmoil of tragic events, never did once even try to stop working on his lifelong passion, god forbid even think of it. Yes, around him there were degenerates, murderers, thieves, even mystical, strange creatures - such combinations would drive any man crazy, as if anyone in here already wasn’t. But after all, finding something you could get absorbed in is the best method for killing time, don’t they say? Not even his developing issue with memory loss can stop him now.

♡— That’s why the prisoner, most of the time, could be found in the comfort of his own dorm, sitting by the desk while brain storming for yet another solution to the new experiment he was currently developing. And to be frank, he did quite like it this way. He had his own corner in the world, didn’t need to worry about money, could eat delicious meals and could even discuss some scientific matters with a few other enlightened individuals. And the prize for winning the game was even more tempting. Just imagine how much quicker he could develop his project with all this cash.

♡— Despite all the focus on his own dreams and scientific infatuations, Luca didn’t stray from engaging in interactions with other people. He’s certainly considered as one of the friendliest and most cheerful people in here. Some wonder if anyone im here ever managed to get on his nerve. He’s just very tolerable towards most, if not all, however, clearly he feels most comfortable near people who are willing to listen to his info-dumps, or engage in smart conversations, ask questions and give suggestions. There weren’t much residents in the manor like this. Most are either uninterested or too weirded out, therefore the prisoner always appreciated the open minded ones.

♡— Sadly, Luca’s past whereabouts left a permanent scar on him, making him a little unaware to some social cues. This man can not pick up on someone being painfully visibly attracted to him. He assumes all people willingly interacting with him are either friendly or just curious. Luca likes showing off and exchanging ideas with his mentor Alva, asking Helena for advice and letting her touch all of his tools or projects, trying to connect nature with science together with Luchino, or even explaining his ideas to the suspiciously fascinated Florian.

♡— And then there was you. A person very shy, awkward even. Everyone didn’t mind your presence, you just existed in your own bubble, in silence. Sometimes, someone would try to include you in some conversation, and while you did appreciate the gesture you just couldn’t grasp why you felt so uncomfortable, barely able to form a meaningful sentence. That was until you first encountered a young, quite charming in his own way man personally. You instantly became fond of Luca Balsa. Something about him just radiated pure happiness. He genuinely wanted to talk with you, sensing your anxiety, and you have no idea whether it’s for better or worse, because, oh God - he made you feel butterflies in your stomach and needles in your heart. You’ve got a crush on the Oletus manor’s „Prisoner”.

♡— You didn’t know what to do. The newly discovered feelings for the boy made your anxiety far more intense than it already was. Something in your head just screamed to not get too attached, after all, this is Luca Balsa we’re speaking of, he most likely doesn’t view you as anything else but a companion in matches. But, of course, the heart always does whatever it wants, ignoring the brain. That’s how you found yourself standing in front of his dorm doors, reflecting on if it’s alright for you to knock on them. What if he’s too busy right now and you’re just going to be a burden? This was a part of your mastermind plan - try to get into his interests and become a closer friend, and then…. maybe the friendship could bloom onto something else? You were in deep wonder, unaware that the doors are now open and Luca was waving his hand in front of your face. Earth to you.

♡— Either way, you spent some quality time with him together. He was very pleased to hear that you wanted to find out more about his projects and shared several insights related to his future plans. His dorm felt oddly cozy. You didn’t even realize that visiting Luca became some sort of a habit of yours, entering his workplace nearly on a daily basis - it made you forget about all the atrocities you witnessed during the bloody games. His voice was so soft and gentle, his eyes beamed as you kept asking questions about what is he doing right now. Luca felt so glad to elaborate and ramble about his passion. He’d even offer you to help him, giving you simple tasks as asking you to bring a certain tool. He was well aware of your shyness, so he was as understanding as he could, not forcing anything onto you. One day, Luchino teasingly called you „Luca’s little assistant”. The intense colour of your cheeks spoke for itself. You were head over heels.

♡— Quickly enough, your small acts of kindness turned into something way more serious. At one point, you felt like Luca’s own caretaker, because he was literally too absorbed in his work to pay attention to his own well-being. After you began frequently assisting him in not only helping to build some programs, you just took care of his needs. While Luca would love to stay up all night and didn’t like when people complained about it, oddly enough, he didn’t hesitate to tuck himself into his bed after you offered the prisoner too. You made sure he went outside and ate enough. Simple gestures like that were your own way of showing him affection, as you were too shy to be verbally affectionate.

♡— The whole situationship was now taking way too long. You were absolutely crazy over Luca, while he viewed you as a good friend and a fast learning companion. Everyone could tell you were following him like a lost puppy outside of matches, and he didn’t mind it at all. You just wished he would finally pick up on your real intentions, but at the same time you felt worried. What if he won’t talk to you anymore? What if there will be weird tension between the both of you if you confess? On one ordinary day, you were sitting by his desk as always, silently reading the notes hanged on the cork board while Luca came to you and asked to help him draw a technical sketch in his work notebook, to which you agreed to. After months of practice in his dorm you already knew how to properly draw a project on a piece of paper with accurate proportions - yet this certain sketch was new to you, you weren’t quite sure how to do it. That’s when Luca held your hand and guided it, helping you be more precise, and what an amazing, ecstatic feeling it was, his hand contained a specific, electric even, feeling on top of that. You blushed so hard you were surprised Luca didn’t even notice, but you knew you can’t be with him this way. You were hurting yourself by not telling the truth.

♡— This is how you found yourself sitting on Lucas’s desk, looking down and fidgeting with your fingers after telling the prisoner to listen for a minute. The whole thing was so stressful you can barely remember anything from that moment, not sure if it’s because of your own anxiety or if it’s the curse of this wicked place you’re stuck in. Either way, your confession to him was probably the most awkward one this Manor has ever seen - and it certainly saw a lot. Luca was surprised he didn’t manage to connect the dots for so long. He was focused on all the wrong things and failed to notice your affection towards him. Those were a few painful months, but he was going to make sure you know he appreciates all the help, not only on the projects, but also helping him take care of himself. Luca asked you for permission to kiss you while holding your hand, which you agreed to, feeling happy like never, making all your shyness go away for once… which did not last long, as Florian entered the room without knocking, making a loud „EWW” sound. Luca was going to make sure no one will interrupt you, scribbling something about a doorbell in his notebook right after kissing you like his life depended on it. Turns out, Luca Balsa now has found something to look forward to in his life other that science and innovative inventions - which was you.

Thank you for your request anon… i hope you can read this fic in the afterlife at least… anyways this my first time writing a fic for a character i’m not very familiar with. I tried to be as accurate as i could so i’m sorry if it’s ooc 😭 anyways it’s 2am now… idv x reader tag how are you doing on this lovely summer night

[bucks-babe]

maybe angel!reader helping bucky thru a panic attack? like he thinks when he dies hes gonna suffer in hell for the stuff the winter soldier did and we calm him down and help him? u can add smut if u want but u dont have to !!

My Guardian, My Angel, My Love

Pairing: Bucky x angel!reader

Summary: For the first time Bucky gets to experience peace because of his sweet angel.

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: Angst?, actually a lot of angst, I don’t know how it got that way but it did, it gets happy though, fluff, smut (I can’t help myself), oral f!receiving, handjob, awkward sex talk, like really awkward, talk about heaven and dying, talk about life after death and immortality, angels based off of Supernatural but I changed a few things, blood, nearly dying, gunshots, reader doesn’t have a soul but can still love because I said so, reader knows when and how everyone dies but can’t tell them, reader has wings, 3rd person, age gap (reader is eons old), wings being a metaphor for sexual assault?, think Maleficent, no use of Y/N, so many emotions

A/N: This is not supposed to force any religion nor be an accurate representation of any religion. I din't go with panic attack, rather I had him almost die. I was feeling angsty

The moment Bucky’s knees hit the ground he knows it's over, that this is the end. He knew this was the way he would go out, on a mission, desperately trying to atone all his misdeeds. Tendrils of pain shot throughout his stomach, blood seeping through his fingers. When his side hit the ground, he knew it wouldn’t be too long before he went, limbs feeling too heavy. He couldn’t hear Steve screaming for help, scrambling for anything to stop the bleeding.

What Bucky did hear though, was a ruffle, almost like a flock of birds flying by, then a figure he’d never seen before stood above him. She’s here to take me. It didn’t strike Bucky as odd that she was the only thing that was clear, the rest of his view blurry and unfocused. He tried to speak, he really did, but no words came out, the breath leaving his lungs not enough to push any words out.

The woman crouches down, hand cupping his cheek with such softness tears leave his eyes, wiped away by Steve in the quinjet who seemingly can’t see her. “Close your eyes, my love. When you wake up, I’ll be there.” Fuck, this is really happening. Fear coursed through his body, scared of what punishment his sins earned him. I deserve to go to hell for what I’ve done. 

A guttural whine passes his lips; Steve chokes back sobs next to his lifelong friend. “Shh, none of that, now. I won’t let anything bad happen to you, I promise. You can rest now.” All at once, the pain is gone. Bucky feels like he’s floating - it’s wonderful.

Bucky has no problem opening his eyes. What the fuck? This is hell? Well damn. The most wonderful sound meets his ears - a giggle, soft and delicate. “No, my love, this is not hell and you’re not dead.” She comes into view. She’s gorgeous. Wait, I’m alive! Apparently, Bucky says that last part because Steve’s gasp enters his ears.

“Yeah, Buck, you’re alive. Gave us a scare though, didn’t uh, didn’t know if you would make it.” Bucky doesn’t respond right away, too busy looking around for his mystery woman, only to be met with the walls of the med bay. “Hey, I’m right here, Buck, look at me.” It’s not the woman, rather it’s Steve.

“How long was I out? What happened?”

“A few days. It was touch and go for some time but you bounced back. When we were on the mission, Hydra had a sniper posted outside. He got you right in the stomach.” Bucky could hear the emotion in Steve’s voice, the fear of losing his best friend still leaving him shaken up.

“Well, they’re a pretty shitty shot if you ask me. Could have gotten one right between the eyes with one of those shit guns we got in the war.” Steve coughs out a laugh, turning into a belly laugh a few seconds later. Bucky would laugh with him, but the bullet wound in his abdomen says he shouldn’t. He still doesn’t see the woman, though. Maybe I just made her up. 

A few days later, doctor Cho gives him the all clear to leave the med bay; however, he’s off duty for the foreseeable future and not any amount of his grumbling changed her mind. Still, Bucky hasn’t seen the woman. He feels a little crazy that he misses her, well crazier. 

Slowly, he makes his way to his room. Steve offered to help but Bucky wanted to do this on his own, having been tended to his whole stay in hospital. He puts in his password on the keypad Tony installed when Bucky first arrived, when the fear that Hydra would come back and take him was too much to bear. His room is the same way he left it, except for a woman on his bed. Not just any woman though, it was his mystery lady. 

Someone’s gonna have to put me in the cuckoo's nest. She laughs as if she can hear his thoughts. God, I hope not. “God has bigger things to worry about than such an inconspicuous fear as that, my love.” She sits up, facing him, the most beautiful smile gracing her lips.

“Can you hear my thoughts?” He feels like he already knows the answer, but asks anyway. If this woman is made up, of course she can read his mind. She just smiles and rises to her feet, walking over to him.

“What do you think, my love?” She tilts her head, a soft smile still resides on her lips. He feels so safe with her and she isn’t even real, just a figment of his imagination, a ruse to comfort himself in what he thought were his last moments. “I am very real, I’ll have you know.”

Bucky doesn’t know why, but he believes her. He believes this woman who showed up randomly on a field, who his best friend couldn’t see, and who disappeared without a trace. “How then? How did you do it?”

“Do what, my love?” She grabs his hand and leads him to the bed, helping him sit, finding a spot next to him.

“Save me, hear my thoughts, hide from Steve, disappear, get into my room, all of it. It’s not natural. Either you’re a ghost, or a mutant, or a reaper who was trying to take me. I don’t know, but you’re something.” Another laugh escapes her. He should be terrified of her, but he can’t find it in himself to be, her presence emanating calm.

“Well aren’t you a clever one? However, I’m none of those things nor did I save you. It just wasn’t your time yet. I’m an angel, though, to answer your question.” Bucky just stares, not believing her. This has to be a joke. “No joke, my love. If you want, I can prove it to you.” Bucky doesn’t even question why she calls him my love, the sound of it just too nice to stop.

Bucky just nods, words failing him. She rises to her feet, turning to stand in front of him. He hears them before he sees them, the same ruffle he heard as he lay dying. Then he sees them. A pair of dark wings coming from her back. She doesn’t spread them all the way, too big to fit in the small space of his room. “They’re black.” She throws her head back, a loud, beautiful laugh fills his ears. 

“That was your first thought? You don’t like them? Personally I think they’re quite nice.” It was the first thing that came to his mind, the rest blank. Maybe he should have asked for more proof, but he knows she would never lie to him. He doesn’t know how he knows, he just does. 

“I don’t know. I guess I just thought they’d be white. With the whole angel thing, you know?” She hums.

“There is a lot humans have wrong about us. I mean, plenty of us have white wings, but they come in many colors. If you can believe it, this isn’t even my true form.” Bucky is confused, she looks so real. A tangible human, someone he can touch.

“What is your true form then? Can I see it?” That’s a little personal to ask, dumbass.

“Well, that is a little complicated. Only one human has seen my true form and it didn’t go well. I thought she could handle it, but when she saw me, well let’s just say she couldn’t see from then on.” Bucky’s eyes widened, not expecting that answer. “Anything else you want to ask me?”

Her wings are still out, folded against her back. They look so soft. “Can I touch your wings?” Her wings shift slightly. If he wasn’t trained to observe everything and everyone, Bucky wouldn’t have known that she was uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I didn’t know-”

“That’s okay. An angel’s wings are very personal. They’re sensitive and even for an ethereal being, it's very personal - intimate.”Clearing her throat, she changes the subject. “I know your name, my love. Might I say, it’s very pretty, but you don’t know mine.” Bucky picks up on her attempt to move his attention away from her wings.

“What is it then? I can’t call you angel forever, however fitting it may be.”

“Well I don’t exactly have a name. I’m a cherubim. The only angels who have names are the archangels, the first borns.”

It was Bucky’s turn to smile.”My little cherub.” She doesn’t tell him that cherub is the plural of cherubim. Until this day, Bucky didn’t know that angels could get shy, yet here his sweet cherub is, shying away from his piercing eyes. He bets if he felt her face he would feel the heat on them. “I have to ask though, my little cherub, why did you come to me?”

She became serious, staring right into his eyes. “Because God commanded it.”

“What does God want to do with me? Out of all the people in this world, he chose me?” A pained look crossed her face and she walked over to him, kneeling in front of him like he was her God. Her hands ran up his arms, goosebumps rising at the pass of her hands. He almost stopped breathing - he could feel her hand on his left arm. He hasn’t felt anything with that hand since he fell of that train.

Hands still rising, she cups his face with both hands, making him look into her eyes. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” It wasn’t a question. She knew. “That is why he sent me. He sent me because you deserve it. You deserve to let go.” At that moment, Bucky broke down. Sobbing uncontrollably, somehow without pain in his fresh wound.

She pulls him into her, wrapping her arms around him. His face buried in her neck, arms clutching her back. She hesitates for a second, no one having touched her wings in thousands of years, yet she cocoons him with them, shielding him from the world. It only makes Bucky cry harder, her wings holding every bit of softness he thought they would. The comfort she brings unlike any other he experienced before.

Her arms rub his back as she coos to him. Soft words spoken into his hair. “Shh, my love, I’m here. Nothing bad will ever happen to you again. I will die before I let that happen.” The conviction in her tone sets him off more, unable to comprehend someone would do that for him without a second thought. A being, older than he can even fathom, is ready to give it all away for a mesley human. A speck of dust in her life. His entire existence no longer than a second when compared to hers.

That’s how it was for a while, Bucky’s sweet cherub staying with him. At night she would wrap her wings around him, keeping him safe. Bucky knows that her powers are the reason his nightmares are gone. At first he was glad that he could finally sleep, but then the guilt crept in. Why should he be allowed to forget the horrors he committed? Their families didn’t get that condolence. 

When he told her this she wasn’t having any of it, wings jerking in annoyance. It was something that he picked up on, how when she experienced emotions her wings would move in different ways, always giving her away. 

“I swear, my love, you’re going to make my wings turn gray with all this. I have lived a long life, longer than you can comprehend, so when I tell you that I have seen the best and the worst of this world, I mean it. And you, my love, are a good man. There is a reason God sent me to you.” Her wings surrounded him and he felt himself relax. “There is no quest to send you on, no mission that the world hangs in the balance of. It’s just you. A man who needs to see the good in himself.” Bucky hangs his head in shame, not meeting her eyes.

“You think your purpose is suffering for the things you couldn’t control? My purpose is to save you. My love,” she cups his face in her hands, wiping away the tears he didn’t know had formed, “I have done far worse things in my life. Horrific things, yet I’m here right now, with you. Please, let me take your pain away.”

None of this was easy for Bucky. No one has ever had their sole purpose be him. Back in the forties he took care of Steve, he stepped up when his father left. When he was no longer the Winter Soldier, Steve helped him, but Steve’s care never felt like this. Bucky knows that he’s fallen in love with her. He knows that she knows, but what he doesn’t know is if she feels the same.

What he doesn’t know is that she is fighting the same battle, the feeling of love is one she has never had before. It all came to a head one night, Bucky wrapped in her wings, her head on his chest. “Cherub?” She felt the vibrations in his chest.

“Yes, my love.”

“You said that we could be together for the rest of my life, right?” She did say that when he was worried that she would leave him after her mission was complete.

“I did.” One thing about her is that she never gave long answers to questions, not used to having to talk with humans.

“What happens when I die? Where will I go? I want you to be there with me.”

She sighed, thinking about how to convey her words properly. “When you die… you’ll go to heaven. It has already been decided. If you choose, when you go, I will be there with you for the rest of our existence, but you don’t have to make a decision now. My body will age with yours, follow you to the end of your life. When your time comes, we will leave and go to heaven where we will both be young again.”

Without hesitation Bucky answers, “I want that. I want you to be with me for the rest of eternity.” There was no doubt in his mind. Even though he met her a few months ago, he knew. “I have to ask, what is heaven like?”

She sits up a bit, shifting to lay on his chest, wings still cocooning them, keeping them in their own little bubble. “There is no one heaven. Not everyone who ever went there is in the same place. Heaven is made up of small pockets of personal heavens. People who lost their loved ones meet again, your happiest memories are relived, there is no pain or sorrow, you can have anything you want.”

Bucky felt the pull of his chest, emotion bubbling up. “Is my ma there? And Becca?” The words come out thick, a lump forms in Bucky’s throat. “Please, don’t lie to me.”

She looks into his eyes. “Yes, they are. They’re together and they’re waiting for you. I have seen them myself, right before I left to meet you. They talk very highly of you, my love.”

Tears fall from his face, the pain in his chest all the time at the greatest loss of his life eased slightly. “Can I talk to them?” He knows it's a long shot, but if there is a chance he wants it.

“I’m so sorry, my love, but I can’t. Even I don’t have the power to do that. If I could, I would.” A pained whine leaves his lips. “Hey, you know who is waiting for you too?” She waits a beat before speaking anyway. “Your dog from when you were a kid. He’s in his prime, always will be. His days are spent chasing rabbits around the yard.”

“Balto’s up there too?” A small smile graced his face, crows feet appearing by his eyes.

“Yeah. If it is any consolation, time passes differently up there. The longing you feel right now for them, they feel the same only it’s made easier by us.” Bucky only nods, staring into her eyes, seeing nothing but truth. His eyes flicker to her lips and back up. “You can, my love, I want you to.”

That was all Bucky needed to hear. Gently cupping her cheek, he guided her lips to his. There was no rush, no sense of urgency. They had all the time in the world and then some. Bucky never felt anything this good in his life and he was only kissing her. When she licked his lips, he opened mouth without a thought, brain clouded with love just for her. 

He moaned into the kiss, the feeling of her tongue on his incredible. At his sound, Bucky felt her wings flutter under him. Breaking the kiss, he giggled. Bucky actually giggled. She reared her head back, slightly affronted by his laugh when she just kissed him.

“I’m sorry, my little cherub, it’s just that your wings tickled me.” She huffs and a second later, her wings are gone the only sign they were ever out is the small black feather on the bed. “No, cherub, don’t put them away. I love them.” She wasn’t really offended, but she wanted to tease him a bit.

Her wings were always out around Bucky, comfortable enough to reveal the most intimate and personal part of herself to him. He was the first human in thousands of years to touch them, but he was the only one to be wrapped in them. The only time they were touched was when a man cut them off her back. It was a time when she trusted humans, not knowing the atrocities they were capable of. 

Her wings were white then, when she was pure and unknowing of the hate humans possessed. God crafted her a new pair. Of course she accepted them, but her feathers turned black, scared she looked to her father. When he said that it was because of the wrongs his creations did, it broke something in her, took away her purity, teaching her a lesson. Father never blamed her for it, he knew she would heal with time. It was part of the reason he sent her to the man she lays in bed with.

Bucky didn’t know this, he didn’t know how much she was betrayed by humans, only for her to trust him and him alone. She playfully glares at him before bringing her wings back out, sitting up on his lap. Gently, more gentle than he has been in years, Bucky reaches out to touch them. She lets him feel them whenever he wants, even wrapping him in them as he sleeps, but this was a completely different setting.

She was so vulnerable at this moment. Her wings flapped, a nervous tick of her’s, making Bucky pull away immediately. “Cherub, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” She swallows before meeting his eyes.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to touch them. It’s just that only one other human has touched them. There was a time where I was naive and innocent, not knowing what humans were capable of.” She pauses and Bucky sits up, back against the headboard and laces his fingers with hers, feeling the softness on his metal hand.

“It was a man, he had a family, a kid and a wife. They struggled to survive, trading their valuables for a slice of bread. Father sent me to help them, take away their sorrows. Said he was an honest man trying to make an honest living.” Bucky senses where her story is going, hoping that it doesn’t end the way he fears, but the pain in her eyes is palpable, a human emotion angels almost never experience.

He waits for her to continue, not forcing her to speak. “At first, they were grateful, having everything they needed. They had their health, food on the table, but the man grew greedy. He wanted more. One day, as I was watching his child in a field, keeping her safe from the horrors of the world, he snuck behind me with a sword he got from a blacksmith, sharper than any blade. He-he cut my wings right off my back.”

Tears fell from her eyes, not having relived that moment for thousands of years. Bucky felt his heart physically ache. She was sent to heal him, but it was his turn to do the same. “You know, my wings used to be white?” She looks into his eyes, red with tears. “When he hurt me, Father took me back to heaven, crafting me another pair. They were white but when he gave them to me, they turned black.”

A whine leaves her lips and Bucky pulls her into him, careful not to touch her wings. “Oh, my sweet little cherub, I’m here and I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I’ve never felt as content as I have with you, never so happy and I will do anything to keep you safe. I love you, no matter what you have done, I’ll still love you.” This only made her cry harder. Human emotions were foreign to her, but spending so much time with Bucky caused her to develop them. It was almost overwhelming, going from not having anything to having so much fill her body.

“Father said that it was because the man took my innocence, showed me the evil of the world. I’ve never seen him apologize for anything, yet that day he was broken, realizing that his creations, even the ones he thought were good, are capable of unspeakable atrocities. They will never turn white again because I’m ruined.” Tears welled up in Bucky’s eyes. His sweet cherub thinking she is anything less than perfect breaks his heart.

“My cherub, you saved me, now let me do the same for you. Let me heal you like you have me.” Leaning back slightly, she took his hands in her own, drawing them up her waist to her back, moving them to touch her wings. At his touch, she gasped, eyes closing forcing more tears to cascade down her face. The feeling of his gentle hands, hands that have done so much harm, resting on the most violated part of her body was something she never thought would happen.

She didn’t know she could love until she met Bucky, finally placing a word to the indescribable warmth that spreads throughout her body every time she thinks of him. “I love you too, my love. Forever and ever, til you die, til the end of time, in heaven and on earth.” They were both crying, neither experiencing the tenderness of love before.

He brings her down, kissing her with as much passion as he possibly could, tasting the mixture of both of their tears. Her arms clutching onto him, trying to get closer. He did the same, one hand running across her wings like he was trying to wash away the taint of betrayal his kind caused. 

Shifting on his lap, she feels the bulge of his cock, half hard pressed up against her. Gasping, she pulls away. “Cherub, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean, it just-.” She silences him with her lips, drawing a groan from him, subconsciously grinding down onto him. “Cherub, we have to stop, I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’re vulnerable right now, I can’t do that to you.”

Her hips stutter on his. “My love, I want to, I need to. Need to be closer to you, please grant me this.” His hands run up and down her sides, soothing the heat of her skin.

“Any time you want to stop, or don’t like something, you tell me. Okay? This is about me showing you how perfect you are.” She nods, kissing him one more time. Bucky’s hands slide up her shirt, resting on her soft skin, palms feeling the goosebump under his touch. Looking up at her for permission to take her shirt off, she nods.

Bucky did that with every piece of clothing, every move he made. Soon they were both naked, her wings splayed out on the bed, twitching in a way he never saw before - arousal. “My, my love, I have to tell you something.” He pulls his eyes away from her wings to look into her eyes. “I’ve never done this before. Angels, we don’t do this, I don’t know what to feel right now.” 

Hands cupping her cheeks, he smiles at her, relaxing into his touch. “Do you feel safe?” She nods. “Do you feel like you have to do this for me?” She shakes her head. “Do you want me to please you?” She nods once again. “We don’t have to do anything with this,” he gestures to his throbbing erection. 

“I want to, I just need you to show me what to do.” The thought that she trusts him enough to take care of her makes his cock pulse, aching for some type of relief.

“Let me make you feel good, okay? All you have to do is lay back and tell me how it feels.” She nods her head in understanding, worries slowly fading away. He kisses down her body, taking the time to swirl his tongue around his sensitive nipples, grinning at the small gasp it draws from his cherubs lips.

Going further down, his face is right in front of her pussy, smelling her intoxicating scent. “Keep your eyes on me, cherub.” She gulps. For a minute, Bucky just stares at her pussy, breathing her in, memorizing how wet she is before his tongue flicks out onto her clit. 

“Oh, that feels good. Can you do it again?” She was so sweet, asking so kindly for him to deliver her pleasure.

“Of course I can.” And with that, Bucky dives into her pussy, restraining himself from devouring her. He groans into her cunt, already addicted to her taste, the moans she lets out are soft and breathy, yet it’s one of the most beautiful things he's ever heard, only competition being her laugh.

“My love, I don’t, what is happening to me?” Bucky pulls away from her cunt, reaching up to lace their hands together. 

“Just let that feeling wash over you. It’s okay, I’ll catch you when you fall, I’m here.” He goes right back to her pussy, lapping her juices up, eyes boring into hers. She was twitching on the bed, hips bucking up to meet his tongue. Bucky chuckles when he sees her wings flap, not knowing what to do with the pleasure coursing through her.

Her orgasm comes as a surprise to her, never experiencing one before, nor knowing what they were. Her eyes shoot open, wings beating wildly, body almost convulsing on the soft sheets. Bucky pulls away, not trying to overstimulate her. He almost cums at the sight of her, it was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

It takes her a while, but she comes down, wings falling limp on the bed as Bucky crawls up her body, resting in between her legs. “My love, what was that? I thought I was about to die.” 

Barking out a laugh, Bucky leans down. “That was an orgasm, sweet cherub. How did it feel?” She whines, not able to put what she felt into words.

“Like nothing I have ever felt before. It was incredible.” Her eyes close. Bucky is perfectly happy to hold her, not caring about his own orgasm, but her eyes shoot open, wide and curious. “Can you have one, too?”

Another laugh leaves him. “Yes, cherub, I can. It’s a little different from yours though.” Her eyes squint in confusion, clearly not understanding what could be different. “Well, for one, what I have looks a little different to yours, doesn’t it?” She nods. Bucky never thought he would be giving “The Talk” to an angel, but here he was. “When I have an orgasm, stuff comes out of this tip, right here.” He grabs his cock to show her. 

“Can I see it? How do I make you do that?” It was Bucky’s turn to be surprised. 

“Cherub, you don’t have to do that.” Her glare is enough to make Bucky continue. “Um, there are a few different ways. I could put it inside of you, that feels good for you too.”

“In where?” Bucky huffs, not in annoyance, but this talk is turning him off. Not that he’s mad at that, but the conversation feels like talking to a child, someone who hasn’t experienced anything sexual and it wasn’t exactly turning him on, it felt wrong to have this talk naked.

“In this hole right under where I was touching you. There is another one under that, but it’s different from the other. Or your mouth, but also a hand. Pretty much anything that could rub against that area.” Bucky felt his cheeks heat up. His cock was going soft right in front of her eyes.

“Can I do one? I want to see you orgasm.” Her eyes were so bright and eager, he couldn’t say no to his cherub. He nods, only for her to glance down at his soft cock. “Why is it smaller now? I think it’s kind of cute.”

This has to be the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to him. No woman has ever called his dick cute, or made a comment on its size when soft. He gets compliments on how big he is when he’s hard, but soft is a different story. He’s a grower not a shower. He has to admit, his encounter is damaging his ego a bit. “It gets bigger when I’m aroused, but if it’s not touched it gets softer.” He’s lying straight through his teeth, he can stay hard for hours without touching his dick.

“If you touch it, it gets big again.” She switches positions, having him on his back, resting between his legs, face right next to his cock. He feels himself twitch and she jerks her head in surprise, giggling at her own reaction. She begins to almost pet him, it feels good but not what he needs.

He reaches down, guiding her hand to gather the precum at his tip, slowly pulling it back down, tightening her grip on his dick. “Oh, wow, it’s getting bigger. It’s so hard.” Her amazement at something so simple as a dick getting hard is endearing. 

Bucky grunts when he twists her hand. “I liked that sound.” Her words make him groan again, cock all the way hard. His hips buck into her hand and he lets her hand go, trusting her to keep her pace. It’s slow but firm, driving him insane. He wants her to go faster, harder, but this is about her, letting her discover at her own pace.

“Spit on the tip, it’ll make it easier to move.” She does so without hesitation. Bucky’s head flies back into the headboard, moaning at her soft hands working his cock. “Just like that, cherub, you’re doing so good. This feels incredible.” Bucky meant every word of it. Her hand honestly felt better than the full blown sex he’s had in the past. Maybe it was because he loved her with all his heart, or maybe it was because she was an angel, either way, Bucky didn’t have it in himself to care.

“You look so pretty like this, my love. I love this, making you feel good.” Bucky’s hips pick up speed, feeling his orgasm building up in the base of his cock. 

“Cherub, I’m going to cum. Please keep going just like that.” She figures he means orgasm since he is jerking just like she was. The urge to make him orgasm was almost too much to bear, wanting him to show her how beautiful he was when he lets go. “Oh, cherub, I’m about to, oh fuck.” He moans long and loud, cum spurting out of his tip. She gasps at the force of it but doesn’t let up her pace. She had never seen anything more beautiful than her love in this moment.

He has to stop her, not knowing that he needed a break. “Love, I want to make you do that again.” She scoops some of his cum off his stomach with her finger and just stares at it.

“You can taste it if you’d like.” She eagerly licks her fingers, eyes bulging at his taste, dropping down to lick the rest of it off his body. “Come here, cherub.” He pulls her into a kiss, tasting himself on her tongue. He pulls the cover over their bodies, her wings instinctively wrapping around him.

“Thank you, my love, for always taking care of me. I was sent to save you, yet I feel that it’s the other way around.” Bucky doesn’t think so. He knows that she saved him. They fall asleep together and in the morning they will find that her wings are just a bit lighter than the night before.

[babydollslibrary]

SPEAK NOW — QUINN HUGHES

quinn hughes x fem!reader

published: July 19th, 2023

summary: in which y/n attends her ex-boyfriend, Quinn’s wedding and can’t hold her peace

it was the last thing i expected.

to receive the elegant white cardstock that sits in my hand. flowers of muted colors are printed across the bottom, cursive lettering across the top.

‘You Are Formally Invited to the Wedding of Quinn Hughes & Lindsay Carter’

it’s not that i didn’t think this day would come. quite on the contrary, i feared it would come sooner. i know firsthand how special Quinn is. i knew some lucky girl would lock him down. Quinn is the type of love that you never let go.

but i did.

i made the mistake of letting go of his love.

letting go of him.

and now i’ll be forced to watch as he marries another girl. one who provided comfort and a shoulder for him to cry on when i broke his heart. one who helped him glue the pieces back together after i left.

we had both known the risks. getting together despite the warnings of his brothers. and Jack was right.

“romance is not worth risking a lifelong friendship.”

because in the end, i lost both.

i lost the love of my life and my best friend since kindergarten.

now reduced to awkward tension at conjoined family events, and pity invites to major events like these. more awkward to invite me than it is to face me afterwards, knowing that i knew what was happening and was deliberately left out.

setting the invitation on the counter, i check yes on the guest list website on my phone. confirming that i’ll be in attendance.

despite the envy that weighs heavy in my heart, and the irrational feeling of betrayal that eats at me, i know i’ll feel worse missing this milestone in Quinn’s life.

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

i’ve had months to prepare for this moment. to guard my heart and get ready to watch the only man i’ve ever loved, get married to another woman.

and in spite of that, all i’ve done is the very thing i spent the last two years keeping myself from doing.

asking about Lindsay.

i never thought they would get this far. under the impression that this was a fling and wouldn’t last long. the only thing i knew for two years was that they were opposites.

Quinn is a responsible, down-to-earth guy, focusing on feelings and equality in relationships. whereas she was more materialistic; never attending Quinn’s games unless she was guaranteed a photo opportunity, using his card to buy luxury items, and according to Jack, constantly reminding Quinn how low he had felt before she came into his life.

and now, after asking around and learning everything i could, i can guarantee that Quinn doesn’t know half the things that i do.

i can guarantee he doesn’t know that she was a bully in high school, that that mean girl attitude never left. i can guarantee he doesn’t know that she brags to all her friends that she bagged a rich fiancé and she’ll never have to work to afford her luxury lifestyle, or that she has no issue in saying he isn’t attractive but his money makes up for it. and i know he doesn’t know she’s been sleeping with her personal trainer when Quinn is out of town.

and i know what i must do today, despite my nerves.

there’s still thirty minutes until the ceremony actually begins, and no matter how much i’ve steeled myself, i’ll never be ready to face the pity filled glances and the sympathetic words of Quinn and i’s families and friends. so, i wander the halls of the stuffy church, thinking about how unlike Quinn this all is.

perhaps he’s changed his mind since we had fantasizingly planned our own wedding. laid in bed, the golden sunrise lighting his face in a greek god-like way, speaking in hushed whispers, discussing our dream wedding. nothing like this one.

my feet pause on their own accord as yelling reaches my ears, and i identify the sound coming from an open door down the hall as Lindsay.

“are you stupid?” her voice drifts out of the room, carried by the empty space. “i told you to get nude heels, not cream!”

i make quick work to pass by the room, catching just a glimpse of the blonde bride, her fluffy white gown swallowing her.

heaving out a relieved sigh, i try to ignore the pounding in my chest, turning left down the hall and towards the main room. maybe it’s best for me to just get the pity and commiseration over with.

my heels click against the hardwood floor of the crowded room, and a hush falls over most of the right side. Quinn’s side.

scanning the room, i’m grateful to find Trevor and Cole. i know Quinn’s family is with him getting ready, but i at least have these two to bring me some comfort amongst the sea of strangers.

“y/n, you came!”

pop! the comfort bubble has broken. i thought i could trust Cole to treat me normally, but the gentle incredulous tone of his voice tells me otherwise. a mix of shock and sympathy.

“yeah, of course i did.” my lips quirk in a forced smile, shoving any resentment and nerves down deep inside me. “i wouldn’t miss Quinny’s big day.”

“y/n/n, you know you don’t have to act strong in front of us, right?” Trevor’s hand rubs my arm, providing the perfect grounding for me.

“yeah, no, i know that.” i nod. “but seriously, guys, i’m fine. i knew this day would come.”

“it’s not too late.” Cole jokes. “the priest does say that whole ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ thing, right?”

i let out a genuine chuckle at the deep and ominous tone he uses to imitate the priest; the first real laugh i’ve had all day. if only he knew.

i join Trevor and Cole in finding seats, sitting in the 4th row. not quite at the front, but also not quite the middle. i perch in the seat closest to the aisle, open for a quick getaway if needed.

the guys engage me in small talk, asking me about my job and frowning when i give the generic answer of ‘it’s okay.’

but i couldn’t tell them the truth, could i? that i hated it. that i regretted ever taking it. that it wasn’t the job that was bad, but rather that i was filled to the brim with resentment that it took me away from the man i love.

i knew i had brought it upon myself. i made myself this miserable. i chose this job over him. i got the internship and thought Quinn and i could withstand the distance while i was in Boston, but i was wrong. we didn’t make it more than two months before i was forced to watch our relationship crumble before me; knowing there was nothing i could do to fix us, i had to let him go.

i knew he would live on. i knew he would be able to put our relationship in the past. but i was only more disconsolate than ever. stuck in a mournful heartbreak. unable to move on and unwilling to try.

i’m shaken from my thoughts by Cole, who points out the mother of the bride walking down the aisle, signifying that the ceremony is getting underway.

i strain my back, twisting around in my seat. my eyes are drawn to the open double doors, where Quinn makes his entrance. his parents on either side of him.

my heart races in my chest, my nerves settling low within my stomach. he looks breath taking. but i can’t help noticing the lack of spark in his eyes. the once lively eyes that used to be so full of emotion, now seem empty.

my gaze tracks his movement, following as he walks down the aisle and to the altar, coming to a stop in front of the priest. his parents take their seats as he scans the room, seemingly searching, and when our eyes meet, he seems to stiffen. his back straightening and his jaw locking.

i can only hope my eyes convey everything i’m thinking.

i’m sorry.

please don’t do this.

his brothers are quick to follow down the aisle, decked out in navy blue suits, joining him at the altar as his groomsmen.

Jack’s lips quirk up in a smirk when he sees me, and he sends me a wink, but i can’t muster anything more than a simple straight lipped expression.

the next 20 minutes go by in a blur, a haze of bridesmaids and eventually Lindsay making her entrance.

“dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore - is not by any - to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly - but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly.”

the priest begins, and i’ve been to enough weddings to know what comes next. steeling my nerves, i take a deep breath in, letting it escape back past my lips with a silent whoosh.

“should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

a silence falls over the room, the priest looking out over the seated crowd.

my hands tremble by my sides, anxiety growing deep within me, but i know this is my last chance.

i rise to my feet, slowly and shakily. i can hear whispers start from the left side of the room, and i glance around to find everyone staring at me with horrified looks. everyone but Quinn’s immediate family and friends.

Jack and Luke share a glance before letting out relieved sighs; but i’m only focused on Quinn, who stares back at me with wide eyes and parted lips.

“go on.” the priest urges me, an annoyed expression painting his face.

Lindsay’s face turns red, hands balled into fists at her sides.

“don’t say ‘yes’.” i plead of Quinn.

“y/n-” he sighs, and my heart skips a beat in my chest, the well-known effect he has on me.

“you need to hear me out.” i beg. “Quinn, i’m sorry. i’m sorry i let us go, i’m sorry i didn’t fight harder for us, and i’m sorry i ever even took that stupid internship. but even if i’m too late to win you back, you deserve better than this.

“she’s been using you for your name and your money.” i continue, but Quinn squeezes his eyes shut in disbelief. whether he’s in disbelief of Lindsay or me, i can’t be sure. “and she’s been cheating on you.”

gasps sound out across the room and his eyes snap open wide again. his gaze flickers between me and his bride, who has now turned a pale white; all color draining from her face at my accusation.

“she’s lying! she just wants you to herself! she had her chance and she lost it and now she doesn’t want you happy.” Lindsay cries out.

“i have it on good authority that she’s been sleeping with her trainer when you’re out of town. you know i wouldn’t say anything if i weren’t completely sure. if i didn’t have proof.” i tell him “and you don’t deserve that. you deserve someone who will be absolutely head over heels, purely, and loyally in love with you. and i’m not saying that i’m that person for you. this isn’t me begging for a second chance, even if i am still out of my mind in love with you. i just can’t stand idly by and watch you make a mistake. i can’t let you marry her without knowing the truth.”

i take a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. silence plagues the room, astonishment written all over the faces over every guest in attendance.

“okay, that’s all i wanted to say.” i purse my lips and nod, stepping out into the aisle. my heels click against the floor as i make my exit, not staying to see the outcome of my outburst.

***

i sit on my couch, staring at my hands fidgeting in my lap; my phone shut down entirely and sitting face down on the coffee table in front of me, not ready to face the consequences of my earlier actions.

a movie plays on my tv, but i pay no attention, only having put it on in attempt to escape my thoughts and avoid the quiet.

it’s been approximately twelve hours since i objected to my ex’s wedding. now midnight, and my anxiety has not lessened. i have no clue whether Quinn carried on with his marriage or if he took my words to hold the truth. too afraid to find out.

i’m broken out of my trance by a heavy knock sounding out on the door of my apartment, and i stand frantically. i expect that it’s Jack or one of the many other friends in attendance of the wedding this afternoon, but my heart rate picks up when i look through the peephole to find the very man i confessed my love to today.

my hand shakes as i unlock the door, opening it to reveal Quinn. he’s no longer in his tux, rather adorning sweatpants and a t-shirt, but he still looks handsome to me.

“Quinn.”

“i didn’t say my vows.” he rushes out.

“what?” i question, fearing i heard him wrong.

“i didn’t say my vows.” he repeats, pushing past me and into my entry hall. “she tried to deny what you told me, but i trust you. i held my ground, and she confessed everything. you were right.”

“Quinn, please.” i plead. “i’m happy that you’re not upset with me but i can’t-”

“i’m so glad you were there.” he cuts me off, snaking his arm around my waist and pulling me flush against him. “were you telling the truth?”

“Quinn, you just said she confessed-” i push against his chest, tears gathering in my eyes.

“about being sorry. about still being in love with me. were you telling the truth?” he clarifies, his free hand coming up to hold both of mine in his clutch, and my arms go slack.

“yes.” the tension in the air is palpable, and i’m unsure whether it’s worrisome or comforting.

“say it again.” he breathes out, a subtle smile resting on his lips.

“i love you.” a lone tear spills over my waterline, rolling down my cheek. “i am absolutely and irrevocably in love with you.”

his lips crash upon mine in a bruising kiss, finally letting go of my hands in favor of resting his right one against my cheek. i stiffen against him, seizing up in his hold, and he pulls back. his eyes scan my face, his face etched in worry.

“did i do something wrong?” a hoarse whisper, our faces still millimeters apart.

my hands raise to cup the back of his neck, pulling his lips back down to mine. my eyes flutter shut,this time it’s slow and passionate; holding my heart on my sleeve as i pour my soul out to him in the form of a kiss.

he pulls away, pressing his forehead against mine, but my eyes remain shut. we’re both silent, nothing but the sound of our mingling breaths and the tv lowly drifting in from the other room.

“i love you too.”

[crystalsenergy]

Ascendant - Saturn aspects (differences) | Asc +🪐

Ascendant Quincunx Saturn

A quincunx is an aspect of 150 degrees, signifying a lack of connection or understanding between the planets involved. In this case, the Ascendant represents the person's outward personality and self-image, while Saturn represents structure, responsibility, and authority.

Individuals with the Ascendant quincunx Saturn may develop adaptive behaviors as a coping mechanism. They might switch between being assertive and conforming, depending on the situation. This adaptability can sometimes lead to a chameleon-like quality, where they adjust their behavior to fit in or meet expectations.

Individuals with this aspect may experience a conflict between their sense of identity (Ascendant) and external authority figures, rules, or societal expectations (Saturn). They might struggle to reconcile their own self-expression with the demands and restrictions imposed by external sources.

They tend to approach life with caution and prudence, weighing the potential consequences of their actions. This can make them careful decision-makers, but it may also lead to hesitancy in taking risks.

This aspect can bring self-doubt and insecurity regarding one's capabilities and self-worth. The individual may question their ability to meet expectations or fulfill responsibilities, leading to a sense of inadequacy.

People with this aspect often face a lifelong balancing act between their need to assert their identity and autonomy (Ascendant) and the necessity to conform or adhere to societal norms (Saturn). Striking this balance can be challenging.

Interactions with others may be complicated. The person may find it challenging to present themselves confidently to the world (Ascendant) while navigating social hierarchies or power dynamics (Saturn). This can lead to social "awkwardness" or a tendency to be overly self-conscious.

The aspect can manifest as tension and conflicts in career aspirations. There may be a desire to achieve personal goals (Ascendant) but feeling weighed down by the expectations and responsibilities associated with their chosen path or authority figures (Saturn).

These individuals may need to adapt to change and overcome obstacles more frequently than others. The quincunx aspect often requires adjustments and flexibility to cope with the disparities between the Ascendant and Saturn.

Over time, these individuals work on finding a balance between asserting their own identity and recognizing the importance of complying with societal expectations. They seek to harmonize the two aspects of their personality to live a more fulfilling life.

These individuals may have a complicated relationship with authority figures. They may resist conforming to external rules and expectations, which can result in friction with authority figures, including bosses, teachers, or parents.

Individuals with this aspect are inclined to engage in self-improvement efforts. They may seek personal development, therapy, or self-help resources to overcome self-doubt and enhance their self-confidence.

Despite the challenges, the Ascendant quincunx Saturn aspect can lead to significant personal growth. Over time, individuals may develop the skills needed to navigate the tension between their identity and external expectations. They can learn to assert themselves while accepting their responsibilities.

Ascendant Trine Saturn:

The trine aspect signifies a natural flow of energy between your outward personality (Ascendant) and the planet of discipline and structure (Saturn). You are likely to have a stable and disciplined approach to life, which can help you achieve your goals.

You tend to approach situations in a practical and grounded manner. You are not one to take unnecessary risks but rather prefer to plan and organize your life carefully.

You have good self-control and are able to manage your emotions and impulses effectively. This can make you appear composed and level-headed to others.

This aspect typically indicates a harmonious and constructive relationship between the Ascendant and Saturn.

Individuals with this aspect may have a natural ability to project a responsible and disciplined image to the world.

They often come across as composed, reliable, and practical.

These individuals have a good balance between their personal identity (Ascendant) and their sense of duty and responsibility (Saturn).

Saturn's influence may enhance your career prospects. You are likely to be ambitious and willing to put in the necessary effort and hard work to achieve success in your chosen field.

This aspect often indicates a certain level of maturity and wisdom in your approach to life, even from a young age. You tend to make sensible and well-thought-out decisions.

They are likely to be disciplined in pursuing their goals and tend to make steady progress in life.

Ascendant Sextile Saturn:

This aspect suggests a supportive and constructive connection between the Ascendant and Saturn.

Individuals with this aspect may exhibit qualities of determination, patience, and practicality.

They can easily blend their personal identity with a strong sense of responsibility.

These individuals are likely to set realistic goals and work steadily towards achieving them.

They may have a natural ability to adapt to challenges and find practical solutions to problems.

Individuals with this aspect often display a certain level of maturity and wisdom, even at a young age. You approach life with a sense of responsibility and prudence.

You have the ability to endure challenges and setbacks with patience and determination. You are not easily discouraged and can persist in the face of adversity.

You often prefer structure and organization in your daily life. You are comfortable with routines and may excel in roles or professions that require systematic planning and attention to detail.

You tend to be stable and reliable in your actions and interactions. Others may see you as a steady and dependable presence in their lives.

Individuals with this aspect often have a practical and down-to-earth approach to life. You are realistic and prefer to deal with situations in a sensible and methodical manner.

Ascendant Conjunct Saturn:

This aspect indicates a close and intense connection between the Ascendant and Saturn.

Individuals with this aspect tend to project a serious and reserved demeanor to the outside world. You may appear cautious and reserved when interacting with others, especially in unfamiliar situations.

Individuals with this aspect often take their responsibilities and self-image very seriously.

They may come across as reserved, cautious, and focused on their goals.

These individuals may have a strong sense of duty and may be driven by a desire for achievement and recognition.

They can sometimes be seen as a bit stern, but they are also dependable and committed.

Expressing emotions and personal thoughts may not come naturally to them. They may be cautious about revealing their innermost feelings and prefer to keep their emotions under control.

Saturn's influence can boost their ambition and drive for success. They set high standards for themselves and are willing to work diligently to achieve their goals, especially in career.

They may have a deep respect for tradition, authority, and established norms. They value the wisdom of the past and may incorporate traditional values into their life.

Ascendant Square Saturn:

This aspect suggests tension and challenges between the Ascendant and Saturn.

Individuals with this aspect may struggle to balance their personal identity and their sense of duty.

Saturn's influence can lead to a preference for authority and a desire for control. They have to be careful with authoritarism.

They may have strong opinions about how things should be done.

These individuals may have a tendency to be overly critical of themselves. They often set high standards and may feel a constant pressure to meet those standards, leading to self-doubt.

Expressing emotions openly can be a challenge. They may struggle to share their feelings with others and may come across as reserved or emotionally distant.

There can be a deep-seated sense of insecurity, especially in social situations. They may feel self-conscious and fear rejection or judgment from others.

Forming and maintaining close relationships can be difficult. Trust issues and a reluctance to let others in may hinder their ability to connect with others on a deeper level.

They may rely heavily on themselves and may hesitate to ask for help or support from others. This can lead to a sense of isolation at times.

They may be resistant to change and prefer stability and predictability in their lives. This can make it challenging for them to adapt to new circumstances.

They may have insecurities or self-doubt that hinder their self-expression.

These individuals may encounter obstacles and delays in their personal development or public image.

Despite the challenges, they often have a strong work ethic and a commitment to their responsibilities. They are willing to put in the effort to achieve their goals.

However, overcoming these challenges can lead to personal growth and increased resilience.

Ascendant Opposition Saturn:

This aspect indicates a polarized relationship between the Ascendant and Saturn.

Individuals with this aspect may feel torn between their personal desires and external responsibilities.

They may attract experiences that require them to find a balance between self-expression and societal expectations.

There is often a fear of judgment or criticism from others, which can affect their willingness to express themselves openly or take risks. They are often overly concerned about what others think of them.

There can be a tendency to project authority figures or restrictive influences onto others.

Finding harmony between their personal identity and obligations may be a lifelong journey for these individuals

They may experience inner conflict and tension between their outward personality (Ascendant) and the restrictions and challenges represented by Saturn. This can lead to a feeling of being pulled in different directions.

This aspect can lead to a reserved or shy demeanor, particularly in social situations. They may feel uncomfortable drawing attention to themselves and prefer to remain in the background.

Interpersonal relationships can be challenging for them, as they may struggle with issues related to trust, intimacy, and vulnerability. They often have difficulty letting others get close to them.

They often struggle with self-doubt and insecurity in various aspects of life, especially in situations that require self-expression or assertiveness. Saturn's influence can create self-imposed limitations and a fear of failure.

They may have a deep desire for recognition and approval from authority figures or society at large.

While this aspect can bring difficulties, it can also lead to personal growth through the process of confronting and overcoming challenges. Over time, they may learn to navigate the tension between their Ascendant and Saturn more effectively.

[theconcealedweapon]

You were abusive in the past. The people you abused have lifelong trauma because of it.

How you respond to that should be focused on having the best effect on others, not on making sure you suffer enough punishment. Many people make the mistake of believing that it's some kind of virtue to punish themselves by making a display of owning up to what they did.

Should you apologize to them? If it happened a long time ago, apologizing could just remind them of it when they've already moved on. It could also put pressure on them to forgive you when they'd prefer to never interact with you again.

Should you tell people what you did? Many people who confess to abusive actions in the past are trying to figure out who they can safely continue the patterns around. You could also put them in an awkward position of having to decide what to do with that information. If you were abusive in the past, you're supposed to be embarrassed by it. You're supposed to want no one to know about it. Unless something comes up that requires you to admit to what you did, there's no reason to. If it's no longer who you are, then there's no reason for the people you interact with to know about it.

Should you turn yourself in to the police? Doing that would only make yourself part of the criminal justice system, which is often designed to create lifelong criminals, not to deter future crimes. You could also force the person you hurt into the trauma of having to testify at a trial. It could also be too long ago for any evidence to be admissible in court. If you managed to rehabilitate yourself to the point that you'd never do it again, there's really no need to get the criminal justice system involved.

Should you kill yourself? Assuming that you've become a better person since then, you very likely have people who love you. Killing yourself would only hurt them. Killing yourself could also be an attempt to evoke sympathy in order to pressure the person you hurt into forgiving you. Even if the person you hurt wishes you were dead, your death would only bring them a small amount of temporary satisfaction, and seeing how many people are sad by your death could traumatize them all over again.

What's done is done. The best you can do now is to stop doing it. That means figuring out what caused you to do it and how to prevent those conditions from happening again. That means challenging the social norms that caused you to do it. That means surrounding yourself with people who would hold you accountable in the event that it happened again, and also being one of those people.

[hannie-dul-set]

pls beomgyu!!!!

[choked up, face down, burnt out]. choi beomgyu has always been quick to fall in love— to the point where you and the rest of his friends have been clowning him about it ever since his first love crashed and burned in the second year of middle school.

“you’re so easy,” yeonjun laughs, after beomgyu had told you all during lunch break that his new deskmate is really, really pretty. “who are the flowers for this time?” asks soobin on the fifth valentines day where he has a gift in his hands and his heart on his sleeve. “how many heartbreaks is it gonna take for you to learn your lesson, hyung?” says kai, after calling him over at one in the morning because he just got dumped by his fifth girlfriend, right before the end of his junior year in high school.

“that’s it. i’m gonna die alone.” 

at some point, everyone else has materialized on the porch of his house to comfort him. soobin, yeonjun, taehyun, you. they’re all berating him for nose diving into yet another relationship— only for him to end up choked up, face down, and burnt out on the pavement yet again. well, all of them except you. “don’t say that,” you scold. “you’re not dying alone. only what, seventeen? you haven’t even reached half of your life, beomgyu. you’re gonna meet more people and one day, one of them is gonna spend the remaining half with you.”

“so you’re saying he should just keep falling in love, get dumped, and continue to make a fool out of himself until he meets the one?”

“taehyun, don’t be too hard on him. i think it’s pretty cool that he’s honest about how he feels. it’s rare to meet someone so in touch with his own feelings,” you continue, and as you do, you look at him with a soft smile. “beomgyu, don’t listen to them. i personally find it admirable how much love you have. i just home you’ve saved some for yourself too.”

that day, at the brink of two in the morning with not a single star in the sky to welcome the familiar twang of a heartbeat— a sound he’s heard dozens and dozens of times before— one thing ended and another thing began.

“anyway, it’s getting late. i’ll see you all at school tomorrow.”

sure, choi beomgyu is easy. sure, he falls in love way too quickly. sure, he’s the biggest fool in the world. but would they all still say the same thing when this time, without even a hint of a warning, the object of his affections has now become you?

“hyung.” it’s the next day. afternoon. he’s on cleaning duty with soobin, and beomgyu has not once used the broom he’s been holding to sweep the floor. there’s a giggle from the hallway. it’s you with the other three waiting for them to finish. “i think i’ve fallen in love again.”

“a—are you sure? didn’t you just get dumped yesterday?”

choi beomgyu has always been quick to fall in love. even if it could end a lifelong friendship. even if it means putting everyone else in an awkward position. even if he ends up too caught up with his own feelings to notice everyone else’s. even if it ends with him choked up, face down, and burnt out yet again.

send me a kpop boy (txt/enha/zb1/bnd/dream) to toss into reverse harem hell! [yeonjun] [taehyun]

[hannieehaee]

NEED TO KNOW (teaser)

18+ / mdi

summary: with jungkook's lifelong crush also came an aversion to dating anyone who wasn't you. but what would happen when the poor lovesick boy came crying into your arms after finally giving a chance to what turned to be a disastrous date?

content: virgin!jungkook, f2l!jungkook, loser!jk, sub!jk, college au, jk is insanely socially awkward and shy, kook is touch starved, afab reader, smut, dry humping, fingering, penetrative sex, etc.

(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)

wc: 612 (teaser); 10k (full fic)

RELEASE DATE: november 26th

or you can check it out on my patreon today by subscribing!

a/n: picture 21 year old jungkook for this hehe<3

masterlist | patreon

Jungkook often found himself feeling like his life was one of those very shitty romcoms.

Except he had never really felt like the heartthrob, or even like he was the one getting swept off his feet.

No, his experience was more closely aligned with the loser virgin who was tossed aside so the star-crossed lovers could find their way to each other. This was just how it had always been.

Jungkook had watched most of his friends find love with a person he could easily consider their soulmate. He was a romantic at heart, after all. These things were not difficult for him to spot.

He often wondered when his turn would come, except it just never did.

Being one for romance was seemingly not for the weak, as Jungkook found himself passing yet another year as a lovesick fool hoping to find that perfect someone to finally look his way.

Scratch that. Many people looked his way. Even as a self-proclaimed loser, Jungkook received plenty of attention from boys and girls alike. Looks were often thrown his way, but they were never the looks he wanted to receive.

Sure, he could easily reciprocate the appreciation he received for his looks. He could smile back, maybe even ask for their number and then see where it all led afterwards.

Except that Jungkook needed the romance. He needed to be swept off his feet (or maybe the reverse, it depended on his mood). Jungkook needed a soulmate.

It all just became eternally more complicated when Jungkook insisted on having that person be you.

That and the fact that Jungkook was slightly, how to put it, socially inept. He was shy, anxious, unable to read social cues, and basically just an overall mess. But the worst of all was his undying crush on you, this he knew.

It was a tale as old as time. Falling for your best friend, pining after them for years, hoping one day they'd turn around and realize you'd been here all along. And now on year nine of knowing you, it still hadn't happened. Jungkook remained a sad, lonely virgin awaiting for you to grant his romcom wish and make him into the love interest.

It didn't really help how painfully socially awkward Jungkook was. Truly, he was surprised you'd stuck by his side for this long despite that. There was no way Jungkook would ever want to risk ruining your current relationship in favor of something he knew would never work out. You did not like him back, these past nine years made him very well aware of that.

And so, as a result, his friends had the grand idea of setting him up.

Not once, not twice, but countless times.

However, Jungkook being Jungkook, never agreed to it. Not once had his friends been able to reel him out of his dorm long enough to entrap him into a date.

Jungkook simply saw no point in it. Blind dates were the complete antithesis of Jungkook's beliefs about romance. He needed a connection before even considering entering a romantic relationship. The thought of going on a date with someone he'd never met before unnerved him to no end.

Plus, he was convinced no one would ever actually like him past his looks. There had been far too many instances of him being on the receiving end of insults to his personality or not-so-subtle stink eyes thrown his way. To have that happen to him whilst on a blind date was just a huge no.

Jungkook found himself stuck in an endless limbo. A loveless, endless limbo as he pined after the one person he could never have.

...

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reply if you'd like to be tagged!

[just-null]

your yan!noritoshi is so wisnwonwpwjw RAAAHHHH going absolutely feral ... i want him . ive had so many thoughts abt him as like a yandere n then i saw your art n absolutely lost it /pos

IM ALL EARS, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD FUCK OKAY, HOLD ON, I ALSO HAVE SOME RAMBLES AND THOUGHTS ABOUT YANDERE NORITOSHI BUT IM GOING TO PUT THEM UNDER THE CUT.

I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR UNLEASHING MY TJOUGHTS OFFICER. IT WAS MY GLORIOUS CULT MEMBER RIGHT HERE.

MERRY OCTOBER YALL

[disclaimer: im not a writer, but I want to get better. think of this as my practice. it ended up being so fucking long, but i swear it's just rambles, not a fic]

[warning for blood under the cut? keep that in mind for future posts]

OKAY LETS GO.

Bro ok so. if I'm not too delusional (yet) and don’t see him as a yandere, then this guy (Noritoshi) is still a strict fuck. he'd put you on the same level of importance as his clan if not a bit higher. but only by a bit. Your relationship would gradually bloom into something meaningful to him that he’d cherish you wholeheartedly. Only then would you grow in importance to Noritoshi significantly. He'd keep his resolve and all those healthy green flags. Because honestly? Noritoshi is just a green flag, he's so sweet..

But let's twist that into a yandere setting. I don't even need to twist too much, Noritoshi as a yandere is way too fitting.

Noritoshi was abandoned by his mother as a child, thereby fueling his lifelong goals to do as she said and bring her back. He didn't even think on his own accord, nor did he try to find a different way, or even follow her! He accepted his fate and made it his mission to accomplish the goal he was given. Despite the intense pressure of his worth being determined by an ability he was born with and the high expectations from the Kamo clan, he perseveres. That is until [spoilers] Noritoshi is exiled by his clan because of some Kenajku shit. All his hard work and future goals were ripped away from him without a second thought in an instant. Noritoshi was always the second thought time and time again, and now left as a man with nothing but the failure of his desired future.

That wasn't even the yandere part, that was all canon, what the fuck.

Yandere Noritoshi is the type to cling to scraps... He reminds me of an obsessive and protective yandere. obsessive about you because you become his everything.. his goal, his will to keep going, the light at the end of the tunnel. he wants all of you, from the best parts of you to your worst. He's also protective, because he cant handle losing yet another person so important to him. He'd rather tear himself apart than lose you.

He also seems mostly self-aware but can overthink to the point of delusion. For example, you pat him on the back and tell him he did a great job on something. He knows it's nothing to dwell on, but why does he feel like there's more to your words? Should he read in between the lines? but there's only one line! From then on, his mind would reel until he landed on a favorable conclusion. You meant that he was the only one who did great. The others paled in comparison in your eyes therefore you must favor Noritoshi in some way.. right?

Since Noritoshi was pretty deprived of any emotional support, you won't even have to try too hard to get his heart thumping. If you were to give him even just a bit more attention and care than the average person, like making sure he's eating alright or remarking that he's paler than usual after restocking his blood bags, he's hooked. He's self-aware enough to realize his blooming fondness for you is one-sided, so he simply admires you. that is, at the start. Note that Noritoshi is still new to these feelings so he's.. awkward. It's really cute.

Though these moments were cute to you, they slowly became horribly blissful to Noritoshi. Poor you, completely unaware of how you're slowly corrupting him in, what he thinks, is the best way possible just by giving him your attention. He thinks you're the last and only person still believing in him, so much so that everything and everyone else slowly becomes minuscule in the grand seam of things. He feels happy around you, like he matters, like he has someone to trust, like he has someone who won't abandon him. Because of this, he sees you as a new goal. A new hope. Failing you is not an option. Disappointing you is not an option. Hell, even a frown from you is unacceptable in his eyes.

Noritoshi tries to cling to you at this point in his own way... He enjoys it when you speak to him, or even sit next to him, so much so that he seeks you out when you're not there. You'd feel eyes boring holes into the back of your head, a sense of being followed, sometimes seeing your shadow accompanied by another, every time you turn around to be surprised by a familiar face. His footsteps are so quiet that you barely notice Noritoshi walking around.

Unfortunately, due to Noritoshi’s inexperience, the only way he knows how to impress people is by being “perfect” a.k.a. his strict, pain in the ass, annoying heir shtick. He would be the type to get on your case, scold, coddle, nitpick, correct you, and practically look like he's trying to bully you when in reality he's trying to hear praise from you for "helping" you. He’s waiting for you to see the affection and adoration behind his nagging, is he not being obvious enough? oh well, at least your eyes are on him for now. When most people in Noritoshi's life have either put him second or flat-out abandoned him, he's satisfied with anything he can get from you. Though he'd prefer praise, the thought of your attention being given to another even for a second makes his stomach feel like it's tying in knots, so he settles for your annoyed tuts and glares.

Of course, after a while, you'd get tired of this and tell him to knock it off. Or some variation of what a decent human being would do like, “Do whatever you want, but don't meddle in people's business.”

You KNOW he's going to be picking that apart in the middle of the night while looking up at the ceiling. What did you mean by that? Do you mean ANYTHING he wants? As long as he doesn’t bother anyone? Were you talking about yourself and everyone in general? Were you talking about someone specific? Did you leave it up for him to decide? Thoughts and questions circle in his head until he twists your words enough into something that he favors again. Ah, you allow him to do whatever he wants so long as he doesn't get in your way. But he wants to be alongside you... Did you mean in your way to the point of annoyance? Noted. From then on, Noritoshi's strictness softened into light nagging and bearable hovering. He'd knock it off completely through gritted teeth and furrowed brows if you threatened him with the silent treatment. He'll slowly start it up again until you begin ignoring him, only then will he get the hint and relax a bit. only until next time, of course.

The intensity of Noritoshi's coddling can fluctuate depending on your actions. (recklessness, obedience, shyness, etc.) it's his love language.

It's a completely different story if someone else decides to nag you as Noritoshi does... If someone scolds you, Noritoshi's on the offense. He's known for his occasional bluntness and sassy remarks, but this time... He's contradicting himself all in an attempt to get the other person to back away. If the one scolding you brings up points Noritoshi used in the past, he firmly denies them all and stands by your side. He'd rather sound hypocritical than let someone else care for you the way he does. Noritoshi stands in front of you, almost guarding you with his body and begins his barrage of deflective comments through his clenched jaw such as “That's not your place to say” “Shut it, they did no wrong.” “You don't know the reason why they did so, leave them alone.” and other things similar to that. Jeez, take your advice Noritoshi.. He’d argue and become antagonistic towards someone scolding you, even if it's exactly what he was about to do.

The same goes for someone who tries to be gentle with you to a lesser degree. It's nice that people see how wonderful you are, but having your smiles and kind words directed at anyone else other than Noritoshi is... Upsetting. The resentment gradually pools in the pit of his stomach and suddenly finds himself impulsively moving towards you and this "friend." He stands in between you and the kind person, trying his best to conceal his sneers. He wants nothing more than to have the third party get swallowed up by the ground or hit by a car, but he keeps his composure. Noritoshi sternly states how he’ll handle everything from then on and gives the third party a glare that's much more hateful than usual… Finally! Noritoshi has you to himself again! All is right in the world once more...

Noritoshi has always been on a very tight rope... Any wrong step and it’s going to snap. The more Noritoshi gets attached to you, the easier it is to convince himself that it's okay to cross certain lines to make sure you're safe with him. Even if that line he’s crossing, includes murder. It'd happen quicker if he caught feelings after the whole incident with the Kamo clan. You'd be the only thing he has left, the only thing he'd cling onto with every fiber of his being, emotionally and sometimes physically.

And like every fairy tale, a problem unconventionally shows itself much to Noritoshi's dismay... Noritoshi is shown to be prideful at times. Because of this, he'd try to conceal his more embarrassing emotions and reactions towards you. He wants to be seen as someone strong you can rely on, a steady pillar to your stability, someone who will do anything you wish at the drop of a hat, but it’s almost impossible to execute when he feels like he's nothing but putty in your hands at the slightest sign of positive reciprocation.

If Noritoshi felt his face heating up because your laugh caught him off guard, he'd turn his head to hide how that simple action made him nearly melt into mush. If your hand brushed against his, he'd quickly swipe it away. Not because he doesn't want to touch you, but because you'd feel how shaky and sweaty his palms got with just a graze. Noritoshi's gaze always lingers on his bow if you ever touch it causing his aim to decline in accuracy significantly.

He mentally curses himself out every time he pulls away from you because he knows he's sending mixed signals. Noritoshi loves you endlessly, but please spare his fragile heart. Your presence overwhelms him like no other, and he's utterly conflicted on how to act. He can handle being by your side like he wants, but the second your 100% focus is on him and only him, he’ll start to squirm under your gaze. Noritoshi wants to impress you! Stop being so mesmerizing for just a second so he can gather his thoughts and not embarrass himself! A-ah, but don't look away!!!

Tl;dr Noritoshi as a yandere is needy and petty as hell, but will explode if he gets an ounce of affection! He’s also! A creepy hopeless romantic who sends you mixed signals!

[renshengs]

the state of juwon and kwon hyuk's relationship is so fascinating to me. flesh & blood son vs. son-my-father-wishes-he-had. that strange awkward and sometimes sad tension between them. a lot of it is a difference in backgrounds: juwon doesn't fully understand kwon hyuk's attachment to han kihwan nor kwon hyuk's willingness to serve and kiss up to someone like that, while kwon hyuk finds it difficult to fathom juwon's rebellion/resistance toward his father, who is an extremely powerful sponsor to have and represents to kwon hyuk a path to success, a way out of the implied desperation and poverty of his background.

they both like each other more than they realize and more than they'd want to admit. kwon hyuk has known juwon for a decade without Knowing him. they're both occupying several roles in each other's lives at once, all of them intersecting with each other, and the overlaps make it very awkward. kwon hyuk is juwon's brother figure and his former tutor and the middleman between him and his father and the fabled "kid your parents won't stop comparing you to" and also like, his colleague. a family friend. he's the only person juwon hangs out with, and their idea of "hanging out" is mostly just sitting parallel to each other in the private section of some gorgeous uppity seoul bar while kwon hyuk badgers juwon about friends and dating and, you know, pleasing his father.

kwon hyuk's approach to being a good hyung to juwon is also very funny. he's pretty serious about it. there's very obviously a part of him that wants to knock some sense into this elite rich prettyboy's head so that he doesn't get himself stuck in places kwon hyuk can't dig him back out of, but also this is made ineffective by the fact that his methods often rely on (unintentionally) condescending juwon, such as at the beginning of episode 10. which, like, he wasn't even wrong. juwon was absolutely not equipped to be facing lee dongsik.

the problem with his approach is that he's going by the older-sibling-who-is-better-than-you manual, half-chiding and half-lecturing, because he is not just juwon's hyung but also han kihwan's perfect little helper, the son figure he turns to, especially when his actual son disappoints him, which results in kwon hyuk feeling even more threatened by the need to be flawless and Unlike Juwon. due to their awkward inexplicable positions in each other's lives, juwon is wary of him for so long because he interprets the attention kwon hyuk gives him as an extension of kwon hyuk's supposed lifelong gratitude toward han kihwan. he's dissuaded by kwon hyuk's proximity to han kihwan. their relationship is burdened by the presence of juwon's father crowding out the potential space for closeness between them, which is, among other smaller reasons, the main reason why they can't grow any closer to each other. it quite literally takes the whole show and life-altering discoveries for juwon to finally open up enough that he becomes willing to reach out to kwon hyuk, not because he's 100% certain that kwon hyuk even likes him that much but because he's finally accepted the fact that, fine, he does care about this annoying snooty hyung of his, and cares enough that he doesn't want kwon hyuk to be caught in the crossfire.

and kwon hyuk does meet him halfway when he reaches out! juwon is rewarded by the narrative for letting himself be more honest and vulnerable with kwon hyuk than he's ever dared to be, and this time kwon hyuk considers his words and listens to him instead of treating him like a baby who doesn't know anything. it's sooo important to me that they're able to grow closer once han kihwan is out of the picture. it's so so important to me that juwon has people in his life who are not lee dongsik nor the rest of the manyang squad. i think post-canon both of them catch up sometimes when juwon's in seoul and it's—easier. better. feels realer.

[leonardalphachurch]

GOOGLE SEARCH: HOW TO TALK TO OTHER DADS REDDIT

Lavernius Tucker and Oliver "North" Dakota are two single fathers forced to brave their most difficult challenge as a dad yet: making small talk with other parents. Not many survive this harrowing ordeal, but the bonds forged through this traumatic experience create lifelong friendships. Or, perhaps, even something more...?

A modern single dads Tucker/North AU written for @rvbrarepairweekdos Day 3: AUs. Warnings for discussions of sex/masturbation, but no actual sexual content.

I don't know why I wrote this, either. I don't even ship this. I suppose the wheel compelled me...

Also avaliable to read on Ao3.

***

“Sooo, uh, what do you… do with your time?"

“Oh, I’m a pediatric dentist.”

“No, I know that, I meant, uh,” This sucked. Tucker had zero things in common with these parents at this School for Gifted Children that had scouted Junior earlier this year. Most of them barely gave him the time of day, but this guy, Oliver Dakota, was insistent on staying the entire time his kid was hung out with Junior. After multiple false starts, Tucker shamefully ducked away for a second to look up ‘HOW TO TALK TO OTHER DADS REDDIT’ and found, “I meant, what do you do with your free time?”

“Oh,” North smiled warmly at the other man, then looked back to the door to Junior’s room. Left open a crack— he would have preferred it to be open all the way, but Lavernius had insisted the kids be given privacy. He seemed like a genuine and nice man, if a little awkward. North appreciated him and Theta being allowed into his home. Still, he wasn’t that interested in talking; compromising on the door meant he needed to keep a closer ear out for if Theta needed him. “I don’t really have much free time. With a kid and work, it’s like two full time jobs. But it’s all worth it for Theta.”

“Right.” God, this guy was giving Tucker nothing. Every single topic went back to Theta. And Tucker loved his kid, but being a single dad meant so much of his life was already dedicated to him. If he was talking to another adult he at least wanted to talk about something adult for once. “You gotta do something with your time, though. You into sports?”

“Haven’t really kept up with any lately. Theta was on the soccer team when they were younger, but we’ve decided to focus on academics in middle school.”

“Okay… Watched any good TV lately?”

“I mostly just catch snippets of whatever cartoon Theta has on.”

“……..Do you play games?”

“Oh, Theta had me join them in playing a little farm game— what’s it called, star, starting… ‘Starting Farming?’ No, no, it’s definitely ‘star’… ‘Starry Farmy?’”

“Stardew Valley?”

“That’s it! Do you play it? It’s very cute.”

“Yeah, uh, not, really my type of game. What about stuff you do without your kid?”

“Ah,” That was kind of a strange question. Most conversations North had with other parents were all about their kids— mostly trying to constantly one up the other’s accomplishments. To ask about things that he did without Theta? Why did he even care about that? “Well, I read alone?"

“Awesome! What are you reading?” Tucker didn’t give a shit about books, but he would grasp onto literally anything this dude was offering.

“Mostly child psychology books. Though lately it’s been a lot YA novels. I try to read things Theta is interested before they do so we can have discussions about them. And to make sure there’s nothing too inappropriate for their age.”

Tucker was stunned. This guy could not be serious. Was everything about his kid? “Don’t you do things with your friends?”

“Ahh,” North’s smile got a little tighter. “We had to move away from my hometown a few years ago; the schools there weren’t great for Theta, and then they got accepted here…”

“You haven’t had friends for years?”

“I have friends.” North was taken aback. What kind of person asked something like that so bluntly?

“But you don’t spend time with them.”

“I… see them often enough. When I visit home. For the holidays.” North didn’t know why he felt so defensive over this.

“Do you…” Tucker hesitated, not wanting to overstep with a guy he barely knew but also fucking floored at what this dude’s life seemed to be, “do anything for yourself that isn’t about your kid?”

North balked. “Of course I do! And, the- this question is flawed. Taking care of Theta is something I do for myself.”

“You can’t just only live for your kid, dude. There’s shit you gotta do without them.”

North twitched a little at the swear word. “There’s nothing I want to do that I would need to exclude Theta from.”

“What about sex?”

“SHHHHH!!” North panickedly looked over at the door, “Lower your voice if you’re talking about that!” He half yelled, half whispered.

“Dude. Does your kid not know about sex yet??” Tucker asked, not lowering his voice even slightly.

“Of course Theta knows what sex is!” North said, still whispering. “Teaching age appropriate sex education is incredibly important to a child’s understanding of their own body and safety. Theta knows exactly what leading child psychologists recommended an 11 year old knowing.”

“Okay.” Jesus Christ. This dude needed help bad.

North frowned. He could feel the judgement coming from Lavernius. Other parents always thought they could butt into situations that didn’t concern them. “I do not need your input on how I take care of my child.”

“I don’t care about how you take care of your kid, man, I care about how you take care of your you.”

“What?” North had no idea what he meant by that.

“Have you had sex a single time since Theta was born?”

“What?!” Seriously, how could he just ask something like that?

“You know what, not even sex. When was the last time you jerked off? Please tell me you’ve had an orgasm in the past decade.”

“This- this is a highly inappropriate conversation to be having with our kids in the other room” North had no idea how they ended up here, but he desperately wanted to move on.

“Not even once?”

“I don’t want Theta to overhear this conversation.”

“They’re playing a game, they’re not gonna hear, trust me. Kids don’t listen to their parents talking even when you want them to, they don’t give a shit what adults say to each other.”

“Theta listens to me.”

“Uh huh.” They needed to move away from the topic of their kids. Tucker needed to help this man. “Listen to me, man. I need you to do something for me.”

“What?”

Tucker grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. Or at least, he tried to. God, this man was way too fucking tall. And actually looking into his eyes— Jesus, they were piercing. Tucker didn’t think this kind of blond hair blue-eyed motherfucker actually existed. Terrifying.

“Tonight, when you go home, once you do whatever weird nighttime ritual you do to put Theta to bed,” Oliver started to make a noise in disagreement but Tucker pushed past it, “I need you to go to your room. I need you to be alone. I need you to get comfortable. And I need you to jack off.”

North had no fucking idea how to respond to that.

“Trust me. I have a friend, his girlfriend died, right? And for like a year afterwards he was so fucking miserable. Until one day I was like, ‘You NEED to blow off some steam, if you know what I mean. Bow chicka bow wow.’ Next day he was like a new man.”

“I don’t. know.“ North thought there were probably some other reasons his friend may have been miserable, there.

“I know, you’ve been out of the game, you don’t know how to find good porn. I got you, I’ll send you some.”

“I wasn’t—“

“I got you.” Tucker was already pulling out his phone, thinking of some good beginner porn he could send Oli’s way. “What are you into? You seem kinda vanilla but sometimes vanilla looking chicks are into the weirdest shit, y’know?”

“That’s— I don’t— this isn’t— I’m. Gay.” That wasn’t really something North tended to share with other parents, but they were so far outside of the kinds of conversations he tended to have anyway, any normal ways to respond had completely left his brain.

“You’re—” Tucker looked him up and down. Huh. Maybe he should’ve been able to guess that. “Uh. That’s fine. I have gay shit I can send you.”

“You have gay shit.” Right. Okay. North was pretty sure he just swore for the first time in years. What the fuck was happening?

“Yeah, y’know, I’m… uh, it doesn’t matter what I am. But I can get whatever you want.”

“Okay.” Okay. North’s brain was starting to catch up to where they were. Was Lavernius… flirting with him? Was this what flirting was now? He was so lost.

He should probably set a boundary.

“I… do not want you to send me porn.”

“Okay,” Tucker said, putting his phone back in his pocket. “You got it handled yourself?”

“Yes, I,” North let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, “I can handle myself.”

“Good. ‘Cause the shit you were saying before was sad, man. I know we barely know each other but, c’mon, single dads gotta have each others backs, right?”

“Yeah, um. Thanks.”

“No problem.” Tucker smiled at him.

North liked his smile.

(continued in reblogs)