#People keep forgetting how easy is to find out who they really are nowadays...

[nostalgicmiscellaneous]

Lol as someone who actually works in the industry: you guys are very, very naive if you believe a tumblr blog would tell you secrets about the behind the scenes of Bridgerton for a bubble of specific fans, and even less that someone who actually have access to executives would be around telling so many incorrect stuff that can be proven wrong with some clicks. And would tell you about the actors that way, while working for Netflix. It's hilarious because production is segmented, there are different crews as well, and it simply wouldn't have production/executive inside information if it worked close enough to the actors day by day to know them, and they wouldn't work with all of them to know them personally, repeatedly in the way it says, as the teams are the same for a long time and they all have made their opinions on actors very clear. It's so stupid that it made the mistake of telling you all it doesn't work with crew. They really don't know how a production of a show works and it's funny to see anyone believing it. Then again, only Kanthony and Benophy fans do.

Not only that, contradicting not simply Netflix's news of profitability and success of Season 3, but in fact, actual market news and data releases, Investments prospects, and investors reports, plus licensing, that anyone with any inside information would know it's done publicly and show the actual success and profit delivered by Season 3. To even try to say it lost money, Lol. The data is there, if you worked in a exec. position, even management position, you wouldn't say something so ignorant.

Critically, official certified critics, and audience numbers averaged above Season 2 and on par with Season 1, and you can also check the aggregate of that on RT, IMDB, sites that reunited and average the score. Audience is measured not only by Netflix, but Luminate and Nielsen. Data that is ALSO PUBLIC. And that showed the successful amount of views, specially recovering audience that Season 2 had lost. It was also superior to QC. Netflix also ranks #6 ( above Season 2, again) as their most viewed seasons. Another public information.

It becomes evident you're dealing with a fan of Anthony and Kate and Sophie and Benedict when it spills target hate for particular actors, with nonsense that is so painfully clear from a fandom member, a mere angry fan trying with a insane agenda.

That's the problem when someone has an agenda against some actors and some fictional characters, a TV show, specifically a season. They throw away logic and believe anyone.

There is no insider, you have actual market information and investors/ experts that are not even Netflix connected telling you the success of season 3. Anyone who works for the industry would know that. Lol

There is no inside information of actors from that person. All cast and crew, and connected workers, and adjacents from media, PR and more, have their words and testaments to the cast and crew openly at their socials, dismantling their obsessive nonsense, contradicting them. I contradict them, lol, as i've actually met some of them and know their work ethics and behavior.

And most importantly, the so-called ''insider'' is not even from or in the UK…yes, i know exactly what i am talking about. But for now, i wont publish. For now.

Just be aware of bullshit and propaganda with fanwar nonsense. You're dealing with someone who is simply a discontent Kanthony & Benophy fan, and a Simone fan and hater of other actors in the show ( VERY OBVIOUS THE TARGETED HATE), connected ( lol very much connected) to a blog who has adopted the name of "Anti" since the start, who hates Polin. Some people just want to create a narrative, and while they say that Benedict is the most popular and wanted character for the GA, try to justify an eventual less number say it would be S3 fault, when S3 actually revamped the numbers from S2 and had incredible profitability ( again, public data).

But be aware that we know with 100% certainty, people like that do not work for Netflix. They don't even have a clue what a netflix contract is and how it works.

Also, a warning: People should have their faces and real names on when they say things, responsibility is a must, don't you all agree? Sometimes people think they are protected under the anonymity of a tumblr url to lie their hearts out and become desperate later when they have to own personally, with their actual faces and real names, and social reputation, the stupidity of their words.

And in a more fundamental sense, grow up. Tomorrow, someone else can simply create a blog telling the opposite about your favorites, their work, their seasons, it's a game nobody wins when fans act that desperate and stupid, lying and manipulating.

Or worse: perhaps someone with actual information can start posting, and you wouldn't like what they have to say…reflect on that.

[masonmiamor]

think about it - - mason mount x reader.

summary: what happens when bsf! mason wants more, but you’re not willing too in order to protect your friends heart and yours.

wc: 1.3k

Hi everyone... It's been months... so forgive me... it's a Christmas miracle! 😭😭I hope everyone is doing okay and safe! I'd love to hear all about it if you'd like to speak about it! Feel like this is so bad and I lost my spark but I hope you can still enjoy :( 💕 don't forget to reblog, as us writers love to hear back from you!

“Stop! Don’t say another word,” you reluctantly stood being faced with Mason who stood confused. “You can’t say that Mason. You’re going out with her! One of my friends? How can you say that?” you defend your friend, even if she wasn’t there. 

Being best friends with Mason wasn’t always easy. He forgot he was a normal person sometimes, and would let the fame get to his head, which is what he’s doing right now. Your parents and his were grateful more than ever to have you keep him in check because lord knew it would be a mess. 

Mason had been flirting and going out with your friend Stella. From the stories she told, it sounded serious, and wanted more. You didn’t play Cupid, and part of you was slightly upset when you found out from Declan they were going out. Behind your back, not even a single word from Mason. 

Stella was a beautiful blond, working at a law firm, and definitely super confident. You were the opposite, still at uni and trying to find a program that could promote your art. Art was your life, no matter what went on, it was a way for you to release all your energy into a blank canvas. 

“All I’m saying is that I don’t like her like that anymore. She’s to stuck up and self-centered, I’m not ready for that commitment,” Mason reasoned but you shook your head with a no. This was him. Becoming a womanizer. Forgetting the good and little things that occurred in his life. 

“You’re gonna break her heart? Before Christmas? Really?” you say with a pure questioning voice, your eyes squinting. Mason shrugged and nodded nonchalantly, “I don’t see why not. I realized I didn't want her. She’s not the one I want,” he said.  

“So why play her? Drag it out this long. That’s not fair to her,” you say disgusted not being able to look at him. Mason always was a person you admired and looked up to, but deep down you fell for the freckled brown-eyed man. It was hard to resist and you refused to accept it, but when seeing them together, you couldnt help think it should be you aside him. “You don’t think it’s fair for me? I never wanted her, she threw herself at me.” 

“Which is why I’m saying why play her when you should’ve made it clear from the start? You made her attached to you and let her believe your lies and promises. Mason what the actual fuck?” you spit out with pure rage. The room becomes hot as you begin to look around for the exit. 

“She also played with me! I’m sure she didn’t tell you that because you’re blind to her. You’re so quick to defend her but what about me? Your best friend? Stella messed around with other men, while I stayed loyal to her. She’s a liar and a manipulator. So what if I end it before Christmas? I can finally have the person I want instead of being focused on someone who can’t even make time for me.”

This was certainly news to you, as you started to feel regretful for the way you screamed at him. To call him a womanizer and letting the fame get to him. You didn’t know Stella did this, it was news to you. As all she could brag about nowadays was about Mason this Mason that. She never mentioned talking with other people. He was right. You did let her get to your head. 

“It’s okay I know you didn’t mean it, to scream at me,” Mason noticed your quiet tone, heart-wrenching as he tried to swallow the words that wanted to come out, before he knew it, he started speaking again. “I know you want what’s best for everyone, but when will you think of yourself? You also deserved to be treated right and loved by someone,” you eyed him weirdly and burst out laughing. 

“Me being in in love? Or someone loving me? That’s impossible. I haven’t had a boyfriend in years, let alone go on dates. I’m starting to accept the fact I won’t find anyone, I mean look at me!” you said seriously, continuing to laugh. Mason frowned, shaking his head at the way you were talking to yourself. 

“I am looking at you… and all I see is someone who’s scared of revealing who they truly are. The commitment maybe or afraid of being rejected. A beautiful, smart, independent woman,” Mason said carefully as he took steps closer to you. “Someone who deserves the world after putting everyone first before her. Why can't you see that? Why do you distance yourself from me?” he asked with urgency. 

You would be lying if you said you slowly detached yourself from him. Avoiding plans or meetings because it hurt to see him. The idea of him not telling you he was going out with Stella, seeing them together when all your friends went out, your friend who still was with Mason, and being in love with your best friend but still trying to refuse it. 

It drove you wild and often made you cry because everyone around you began to settle down, and you were left wondering why you couldn’t keep one good person in your life. You hated the fact of never being enough, for yourself or anyone around you. Maybe you weren't enough and that is what pushed people away. 

“Mason…”

“Why can't you let me love you like you deserve? Let me take your worries and pains away? Let me be the man you need and love you unconditionally? What are you so afraid of? What else do I have to do to get your attention?” Mason confessed. The Christmas tree lighting made him look intimidating as he held your face in his large hands. 

It was fucked up. He knew it was fucked up to mess with your friend to get you to see how madly he fell in love with you. It was an even bigger mistake to have dragged it out this long, knowing how distant and muted you were from him. He just wanted you to finally see that it was him all along. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat, unable to look him in the eyes, because if you did, you would give it away how you felt about him. The eyes never lied. Your eyes never lied to him. “Say something please…” Mason pleaded, afraid he might've overstepped, or read the cards wrong. 

“I'm not the right person for you Mase… I can’t give you what you want…” you painfully smiled, as both of your hearts sunk deeper. “I can't lose you like I’ve lost everyone else. We wouldn't work, I’m just way too different from the girls you've been with,” you say pulling away from his grasp and walking to the opposite end of the room. 

“They're not you though. You will always come first. They didn't mean anything because it wasn't them I wanted, it's all along been you. I’ve spent way too much time thinking, losing you, suffering because you weren't with me. I'm tired of that, I just want you baby. Don't compare yourself to anyone in the world, because at the end of the day, you will be the first one I look for… I love you.” Your eyes widened, not realizing he stood in front of you again. 

Your head felt heavy, filled with thoughts as they raced through your head. Your chest tightened at his words. After waiting so long to hear them, why did all of a sudden feel different? Like you didn't believe them. Believe him. Was it the fact she was still present, or were you afraid of finally having something real and you being the reason to lose it all? Mason leaned down kissed the inner corner of your mouth, and pulled away. Joining your families who were celebrating Christmas Eve. 

“Think about it. Okay?”

[timeagainreviews]

Bursting Your Bubble

Liam Lynch once said- “The internet is a glimpse into how rude people will be in the future.” At the time it felt like just another funny little line from his song “Internet Killed the Video Star,” (not to be confused with the Limousines’ song of the same name) but nowadays it feels prophetic. Just this morning I made the mistake of reading the comments section and it’s thrown my day off considerably. From the comforts of our keyboards, we can write horrendous things. Treat strangers with contempt. It’s sometimes easy to forget there are actual people on the other end of our glowing screens. Insularity breeds contempt for the different. We live in our little bubbles.

It would be easy to blame the posters, the content creators, the influencers. A few bad apples spoil the bunch. But as psychologist Philip Zimbardo would say- don’t blame the apples, don’t blame the barrel, blame the barrel makers. The people who put the apples into the barrel in the first place. Despite everything Russell T Davies’ “Dot and Bubble,” is trying to say, one question hangs over it and the rest of this season- who is the barrel maker? Things in Finetime are anything but fine, but by whose design? One might assume it’s Susan Twist’s character, but who is she? This is the overarching question of season one, but is the question beginning to feel a bit drawn out?

From the outset, “Dot and Bubble,” acts as a sort of Black Mirror version of “Blink.” We’re given a young blonde woman who finds herself in a dangerous situation that requires her to look at something she would usually ignore. All the while, the Doctor and his companion are forced to talk to the young woman through a screen. The difference here is that while Sally Sparrow had gumption, Lindy Pepper-Bean is about as useful as a wicker toilet. She lives in “Finetime,” an actual bubbled world. Her “Dot,” device then creates yet another bubble around her head. It’s bubble inception. The bubble tells her when to wake up, how to walk, and even when to pee. (Shout out to my boy Dr Pee!) Because of this, Lindy lives an unobserved life where hard questions need not bother her.

Everything about Finetime is a hyper-realistic nightmare of overstimulation. It’s like “A Clockwork Orange,” meets “The Stepford Wives.” Lindy can ignore her problems when there’s always a new Ricky September video on the horizon. As Frank from Brad Neely’s “The Professor Brothers” said- “We danced like those people in the hyper-tight light of fried chicken commercials.” Lindy and her “friends,” can completely ignore the fact that their friends have slowly begun disappearing. They don’t even seem to notice when they’re the only ones in the room, how would they notice gigantic slugs eating each other?

With Ncuti Gatwa away filming season four of “Sex Education,” the show had to do a couple Doctor-lite episodes. These are usually hit-or-miss among fans, but as “Blink,” proved back in 2007, they can become fan favourites. The Doctor and Ruby’s roles are reduced, but this episode does a good job of making them feel like a recurring part of the story. Even though they spend the bulk of the episode in what looks like the intro to “The Brady Bunch,” it never feels like we’re being underserved.

Lindy’s friends float around her like talking heads in her holographic bubble. But she keeps getting interrupted by the Doctor and his bad vibes. Even though Ruby is also invading her privacy despite not being on her friend list, Lindy is willing to hear her out. We’re not told why up front, but there is a reason Lindy can believe Ruby might feasibly be tech support, but the Doctor could not. Due to Lindy’s impatience, Ruby is forced to talk to Lindy as if she were a child, but not so much that she catches on. Anyone who stops Lindy from either working or playing is a massive drag to her. She really just wants Ruby and the Doctor to go away. How do they not know how society works? Why are they asking such stupid questions when the answers have been drilled into everyone since they were children?

We learn that Lindy’s mother is Penny Pepper-Bean, but she’s actually another Susan Twist cameo, so she could be anyone. Thankfully, both the Doctor and Ruby recognise her this time, and it’s not in an aborted timeline. I saw someone mention on Facebook today that they felt the Doctor recognising her felt rushed, and I couldn’t disagree more. It was high time we got something from this storyline. While it has been nice to genuinely be curious about Doctor Who’s mysteries again, this one has felt like a lot of the same. With the Doctor and Ruby now clued in, we have somewhere else to go in the future. Maybe now Susan Twist will come out from behind the mask and we can learn something more about her. Maybe now the Doctor will start looking into her involvement.

I’m usually not interested in fan theories as they’re often filler content when YouTubers and bloggers don’t have anything else to talk about. But here I believe we’ve been given quite a lot to work with to formulate a theory or two. I know I said “It’s probably not the Rani because it’s never the Rani,” but at this point, if she’s not the Rani, they’ve wasted their biggest opportunity to reintroduce audiences to her that the show has ever had. At this point, it would be weird if she wasn’t the Rani. The things she’s been involved with have all of her usual hallmarks. We have genetic manipulation in “Space Babies,” humans are being treated like lab rats in “Dot and Bubble,” and then there’s the whole disguising yourself in plain sight aspect. At this point, the bigger question isn’t whether or not she’s the Rani. The bigger question is why wouldn’t she be? Why would the show come so close to revealing her and then pull back?

Ruby finally convinces Lindy to look beyond her bubble where she witnesses her co-worker being eaten by one of the Man-Traps. Usually Lindy could just ask her Dot to guide her to safety, but for some reason, it feels more than ready to direct her right into the open mouth of a Man-Trap. Lindy must walk without the aid of her Dot, and man does she suck at it. She quite literally cannot walk talk and chew bubblegum at the same time. Part of me was worried the episode was going to spend all of its time making fun of young people and their phones. It’s cliched and honestly, I’m tired of it. But within the context of the episode, Davies isn’t attempting a technophobic condescension toward the youth of today. Instead, the episode endeavours to highlight the danger of relinquishing your thoughts and actions to outside entities. If we let others tell us what to like, who to like, or how to live, you may as well become worm food.

Having narrowly escaped death by slug, Lindy is forced to bumble about outside while the Doctor and Ruby direct her like the most exasperated form of Google Maps ever. An interesting aspect of this scene that I’ve not heard anyone talk about is the greenish-blue blood seen from a body being dragged away. You may not know what I’m talking about, but I’ll post a picture below. You may look at that and say “That’s not blood, that’s slug goo.” But where else in the episode do we actually see the Man-Traps leave behind any kind of snail trail? I’m going to go out on a limb and say I think the people of Finetime are blue-blooded, and considering what we learn about them, it makes sense. Blue blood is often a symbol for aristocracy, but it can also be used as a way to imply an inbred nature. In this case, we could infer that the citizens have blue blood because they don’t “dilute,” it with the blood of non-white people. Oh did I not mention the Finetimers are racists? More on that in a bit.

Throughout most of this episode, only one of Lindy’s friends seems to be concerned with the fact that people are going missing, and that’s Gothic Paul. Gothic Paul was a nice little addition to the episode because a trans man plays him and they didn’t make a big deal about it. He wasn’t even killed for being trans. He was killed for being delicious and too dumb to notice. A diversity win! Compare this to Chibnall’s gay representation where a character says “By the way, I’m gay,” and then spiders eat her face. LGBTQ+ people are allowed to exist in such a manner that it doesn’t feel like “kill your gays,” when they kill our gays. Representation has been so good that it’s not even problematic that a drag queen made a child disappear. You know, the thing all of those conservatives are worried about with drag story hour? That’s just the Maestro’s schtick. 

After the battery in Lindy’s Dot goes dead, she’s basically a sitting duck. That is until she hears a familiar voice call out. A voice belonging to none other than the dreamy Ricky September. Maybe it’s the insular nature of being a pop star, but Ricky isn’t bogged down by his Dot. Instead, he’s learned to appreciate existing offline. Because of this, Ricky reads things about their people’s history. And even luckier for Lindy, Ricky can actually walk and move about in the world. After a bit of starstruck awe, Lindy takes his hand as he leads her away from danger. It’s almost sweet if you don’t suspect what’s coming.

Ricky leads Lindy to Plaza 55 where a door leading to the river flowing beneath the bubble can lead them out into the Wild Woods. Knowing a bit about coding, Ricky simply needs to type in two digits every five seconds and the door will come open eventually. With no Man-Traps about, Lindy needs only to sit tight and let Ricky work his magic. While she waits, Lindy is able to charge her Dot which enables the Doctor and Ruby to contact her again. The Doctor infers that the Dots can see the Man-Traps, but willfully encourage people to walk directly into their mouths. As it turns out, the Dot hates Lindy and her friends about as much as the audience does. The AI has gone rogue and it’s taking these airheads with it. Sadly, this is also when the episode starts to get bogged down by the season's overarching plot.

The Doctor deduces that the Man-Traps are eating the people in alphabetical order. This leads him to believe that the AI must have created the Man-Traps, otherwise they would eat whoever, whenever. The reason I feel this feels bogged down by the overarching plot is that I can’t imagine these golfball-sized Dots being capable of growing creatures in a laboratory. The most they can do against Ricky and Lindy is act as a projectile. They don’t even have thumbs. Because of this, it’s logical to imagine that there is a third party involved. It’s not hard to imagine who that third party is, considering Susan Twist’s cameo. But in the meantime, we as an audience are left in a state of limbo where this is either part of some greater plan, or an unsatisfying plothole. Albeit, not an incredibly episode-breaking one. After all, the Daleks manage quite a bit with only a plunger.

With Lindy’s Dot trying to bash their brains in and Lindy being next in line, alphabetically speaking, we are finally introduced to who Lindy actually is as person. Using her mega fan knowledge about Ricky September, she informs the Dot that Ricky’s name is a stage name and his real name is Coombes. Ricky can barely believe the betrayal from the woman he’s tried so very hard to save. But her gamble pays off as the Dot refocuses its attention on Ricky, giving Lindy enough time to escape to the river while the Dot strikes down poor Ricky. As face turns go, this is one of the worst in Doctor Who history. However, it’s not entirely without warning. Certain lines of dialogue have clued us in to Lindy’s true nature throughout the episode.

Before we leave him behind like Lindy so callously does, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Ricky September, as I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him. It was hard to tell what the Dot does to Ricky because the camera looks away, but he could have survived. Why I think this is because they spend a lot of time building Ricky up as a character. Both the Doctor and Ruby have shown a romantic interest in him. There have even been rumours that there would be a sort of love triangle between the Doctor, Ruby, and Ruby’s boyfriend. On top of that, we’ve got another blonde-haired blue-eyed person with RS for initials. Even further, the S in both names indicates a point in time- September and Sunday. And just because Ricky comes from a community of racists doesn’t mean he is one. Like he said, he does a lot of reading. Perhaps he’s learned better. Or I’m wrong and he has a Dot-sized hole in his head.

Finally, we get to see the Doctor and Ruby in the flesh. Even more finally, we get to see them both in the costumes they wore in their first costume reveal! Lindy gives the Doctor and Ruby some shitty excuse about Ricky turning back to save more people. She even gives a begrudging thank you to them, but ultimately can’t bring herself to let the Doctor help her or her friends. Lindy and her fellow survivors can’t bring themselves to interact with the Doctor because he’s black. It’s as heartbreaking for the Doctor as it is infuriating to Ruby who can only stand there and watch her friend experience this ugliness. But the Doctor is still the Doctor and he’s a bigger man than their small minds. He continues holding out a lifeline to some of the most undeserving group of spoiled narcissists to ever grace the screen of Doctor Who.

I’ve seen people complain that the Doctor does this. That it doesn’t mesh with the same character who once punched a man who was racist toward Bill. But that was the Doctor drawing a line and defending his friend’s honour. The Doctor’s compassion is so great that he’s willing to forego his sense of self-respect to save lives. This is the same man who tries to reason with racist genocidal aliens, he doesn’t stop just because they look human. I know I would have let them die, but the Doctor is a better person than me. That’s not to say any of this is easy for him. It very clearly cuts him to his core. Ncuti Gatwa gives an earth-shattering performance here, and when you consider this is the first scene he filmed after the Giggle, it’s fucking astounding. This is the exact type of range I was hoping they would bring to his character.

As a white member of the audience, I am left with a lot of uncomfortable realisations. Like, I barely batted an eye at the fact that Lindy’s friends were all white. I’m also left wondering how many people the Doctor has saved in the past who might have also treated a black Doctor differently. But I also feel like this ending took me by surprise for a different reason than my own ignorance. I simply never expected Doctor Who to go there. The topic of racism is not new to Doctor Who. Martha experiences quite a bit of it, especially in “Human Nature.” But even their more recent attempt with “Rosa,” fell short by implying that in 3000 years, no other black person would stand up for their rights. It was an oversimplification of the civil rights movement that left me wondering if Doctor Who was capable of tackling such heavy issues. I never felt like the show properly addressed the Doctor being a woman, so believe me when I say how much I appreciate them addressing the Doctor’s race. Even further, I loved that it ultimately isn’t the Doctor who will suffer from their racism. Their prejudice has doomed them without anyone else’s help.

It’s weird to look at this episode on the TARDIS wiki and see the Dots and Man-Traps listed as the main enemy. Because really, it’s Lindy who is the real monster. It’s Hoochy Pie and her wack-ass trumpet. Also, can we not come up with a better name than Man-Trap? What about Erascists? They erase e-racists. Just some good little sluggy bois taking out the trash. I stan a king. The Dots hate those evil trust fund dickweeds, and honestly, same. Evidently, the name Man-Trap was introduced in Doctor Who Unleashed, which for the 4th week in a row, I’ve forgotten to watch. One of the side-effects of Doctor Who’s screwy release schedule is that now I completely forget Doctor Who Unleashed even exists. One benefit, however, is that I often get to rewatch the episodes the next day with my partners who didn’t want to stay up late. The benefit is that I’ll notice things I missed the first time. It also allows me to experience the stories for what they are, as opposed to what I expected them to be.

Being able to watch “Dot and Bubble,” with hindsight has given me an even greater appreciation for this story. Over time, I feel people will eventually regard it as one of Davies’ best. Its tone and themes remind me of something you would find in the Seventh Doctor era, which is high praise coming from me. Ricky feels like the promise of a character like Pex from “Paradise Towers,” properly realised. Hopefully, like the graffiti says- “Pex lives.” Dylan Holmes Williams does a fabulous job directing as the episode wastes nothing. It’s a Doctor-lite episode that manages not to waste a moment of screen time with the Doctor. In less than five minutes, Gatwa manages to be the command performance in an episode of solid performances. But much like “The Fugitive of the Judoon,” this strong episode remains feeling unresolved due to the plotline still hanging over its head. Once we have the hindsight of knowing how it fits into the greater storyline, it could appreciate in value. One can only hope.

[aranarumei]

the thing is, though. how do you even begin to talk about sasaki.

like. if i had to pick, between sasaki and miyano, who i think is objectively, subjectively "cute"... it's sasaki, hands down. that probably says more about me than him, but I think it still does say some things--the way that sasaki likes sweet things, the way he is sweet, the way sasaki to miyano introduces him as a "bad boy sempai" and is really not a bad boy at all, really... the way that miyano's impression of him as "cool" disappears pretty much immediately...

i don't know. it's things like. the way sasaki things "how cute" about miyano with everything. the way that he smiles so wide around him and is so friendly and careful that it's easy to forget the casual, rougher way he acts around hirano and ogasawara. he's not nearly as friendly or touchy then. the way he thinks that miyano is "cute" but he's not just crazy about his face, he's crazy about all of him. because it's about learning what makes miyano tick, how he thinks about the world around him, so when vday rolls around sasaki voices miyano's unvoiced "it'd be great fodder for bl" line... the way miyano was "cute" originally, when sasaki first saw him, the way that a lot of people say miyano is cute and that he has a girly face... the way that miyano is "cute" when he's being himself at any time, nowadays. the way that miyano is someone who doesn't know how to hide his feelings--the way he's so expressive it could bowl you over with the vividness with which he interacts... i don't know.

i think about the kind of apathy and loneliness that sasaki carries around with him... even at graduation people in his class are surprised he's lost his cool when he runs after miyano. when he steps in to help out at the bakery one of the worker’s there thinks he’s scary even as he’s offering to help, only to see him with miyano and realize it’s  completely different. the way before his fight with his sister he can't be bothered to do just about anything. the way that after he accidentally pushes her he's almost over careful about his own strength--he breaks up that fight in the first chapter but doesn't do it by throwing any punches, and gets beaten later for it... when they have an arm wrestling contest he doesn't bother trying to show off and loses easily. the way he's so careful about how he touches miyano, feeling like he might crush him with how much love he has. the way he has to be careful now not because of a lack of feeling but too much of it. the way miyano keeps encouraging him to express more, to say more, to love more. the way he wants to learn him, too. sasaki comparing his cd collection to miyano's bl collection, finding his own tastes in that genre, liking the gag manga best... just. the way sasaki sees miyano, thinks he's cute beyond measure, and the way that all of that seems to bleed into who he is, little by little. it's something to delight in.

[deadandwalking]

Everyone listen to me explain random comfort songs!! (ignore the cringe and depression and general grossness pleeease)

ok so this one is the family issues - the constantly being forced to work regardless of how tired i am, i feel as if there’s no escape from this place but feeling hurt costs too much (if i slack on work i get screamed at which drives me closer to suicide every damn day) also i feel as though these people keep me from my real family

this one is the jealousy and spite towards my siblings - specifically my brothers, as they were always favoured by everyone. I always felt pressured to be “more like them”, since they got praised for doing less than me and got more love too. i always felt as though i’d be more loveable if i were more like them.

i spoke of this one before but it hits hard still. it’s got everything really, seasonal depression, suicide, jealousy, rape threats, and yeah - same. call me crazy but unfortunately it’s just how it be. i too would wish death on the love of my life if he moved on after i died. i want him to be happy, but not with someone who ain’t me.

self explanatory. self harm and suicidal thoughts, who doesn’t have this nowadays. also, the plastic surgery line will forever give me heartache. i will never in my believe i am good enough for anybody really. fun times.

THIS. FUCKING, THIS. this is good. i won’t lie i cried hearing it was actually about schizospec/b cluster people. it sounds nonsensical but it makes fucking sense. it’s like that sometimes. nothing makes sense inside. sometimes words merge and mutate and you can’t fucking talk. it’s frustrating and inconvenient and severely effects quality of life so yes i will scream/cry/sing the lyrics every time it’s on

This one is probably because of Angel but i enjoy the interpretation that the song it actually being read like a story itself, and it brings two comforts at once, i can feel like a child listening to a story and a mother telling it at once. also one of the first songs Angel openly enjoyed.

owie owie hurts the soul. still good though. also connected to Angel, in the sense i interpret the song as if he’s talking to me ? he knows all my issues and could call me out like that, but he still wants me alive and tries his fucking hardest to do that for me. sure i don’t make it particularly easy, especially on nights like tonight, but i appreciate his efforts still.

ooooh boy this one. ok so i know the song is meant to be a girl talking herself out of suicide each time she tries and eventually gives up trying, but i decided noooo don’t like that. instead i like to think of Angel, and how he tries so hard to fix everything for me and find all the positives he can but it’s progressively getting harder for both of us.

ah yes the good ol dysmorphia soundtrack !!!! love this, this is great, i cry to this a lot. ever convinced yourself your boyfriend doesn’t love you because you are disgusting and horrific??? try this !!!!!!!!!!!! i need shot :D

[systemhead]

oversharing [gotcha!]

I like oversharing in posts online. I miss the Finsta age of Instagram in 2012-2017 when everyone would do it. It's annoying to sincerity post and go on and on about yourself online. But where else do you do that sort of thing nowadays? And it makes you self conscious when you start doing it 1-on-1 with people too often. Therapists only work for the meta stuff anyway.

It's really easy to forget yourself, or versions of yourself, or parts of yourself. I feel like this gets overlooked a lot by people speaking about themselves and addressing any pop psychology concepts. I forget who I am a lot. I forget who I've been to some people. I forget skills I have or things I've done. Maybe it's because knowing all of yourself all at once all the time is unnecessary if not maddening. Sometimes when I remember some of the things I've forgotten about myself I feel like a sleeper agent who has been in deep cover too long, or something. Maybe it's because you lie retroactively, say that you know better now or something, but that was you to some degree.

The only thing I daydream about anymore is getting a bunch of money and giving basically all of it away in the most specific or tax-avoidant way possible and I find that a little depressing.

"Lurker" has been my defining personality trait on the internet, in real life it's "g*y who tries everything, stands out at all parties somehow;" this isn't like, brave or interesting. Silence - Talk too much - Silence as a general pattern. I think of it like 25% curiosity and 75% something else. Anxiety/trepidation. I don't fully understand how people make their internet or irl personalities work to integrate into the hearts, minds, and lives of others. That sounds nefarious. What I mean is, I don't understand how people just get others to listen and share and then keep that rolling. I worry that I am off-putting or intimidating all the time. I signal interest and appreciation very poorly.

I don't expect anyone to read this, especially this far, if you did: wow, incredible. I can start being incredibly cringe now. The above was a test of sorts and I guess we all passed! Huh.

I love everyone I have ever counted as a friend so much and I don't think they realize that I would do anything anything for them if they asked. Only twice in my life have I ever been asked to do something truly serious by a close friend. Money and acts.

I was going to say something here about how a friend and I were being groomed by shadowy forces which is true but sounds like a humblebrag.

I wish I was brave enough to be as brave as the people I know and love. I wish I was more more queer and harder to handle. I would trade any trait I have for courage and confidence. Whatever version of confidence I appear to have is endurance masquerading as surety.

If there was a serious political sect in this country doing mass work right now I would throw everything away in a heartbeat to join them. There isn't, so I haven't. I wasn't built to be an anarchist or a founder of anything. Something in my bones says that we'll be back within 4 to 6 years to that level.

I am not that smart. I am good at improv and putting puzzle pieces together quickly. I have been exposed to very interesting people. This does not make me smart or better than others. If I have ever intimidated you, you have probably intimidated me.

Given the two above though: the level of political discussion in the US has felt permanently stuck in 2016 for years BUT Palestine feels like it could be breaking that trend. 2020-2023 was a regression politically in the way that the early 1980s were. 2016-2020 was truly impressive and felt like something at the time, but fires die down or are put out.

I would do anything to erase the term "tankie" from public record and human knowledge.

This is somethin' new, the casper slide part 2, featuring the platinum band, and this time... (you seriously kept reading? I type like this in my Google doc journal but you actually have the patience for this? kudos)

Transition terrifies me. I wish I felt sure enough to act upon it more decisively. As of now I am taking it at a measured pace that fits into my broader life. The idea of... change makes me giddy. I don't understand how people are so brave. There has been so much I have needed to hear from others. If I knocked back the drinks or just completely removed my oppressive sense of social decorum I would talk off my friends ears until they would probably personally walk me into a doctors office. This happened upon seeing a friend recently by accident. I let something slip and she was accommodating for hours late into the night in the midst of her dealing with more important things and I could not stop apologizing. So many days of feeling like I needed to cry but couldn't, seeing someone in the mirror who I still didn't know. I just wish it were easier to pick a name.

Visiting DC this year felt like being in a radiation zone. That place had such dark energy I just hid in my hotel room. That weekend in NYC last year was the happiest two days of my entire year, and now I think I know why. I'm still in love with Detroit but Michigan can't be home forever.

I hate my voice and that's part of why I love writing like this. So much to say but the moment I start paying attention to my voice I want to shut up forever.

We should just hang out more.

[pigefox]

11/30/2012 ... 11/30/2022

It’s been ten years.

Let’s see how we compare.

2012

2022

What’s wrong with you right now?

I have fallen and I can’t get up

Work in seven hours, and I am awake.

Are you mean?

can’t do mean 

Sometimes. 

What movie did you last see in the theater?

I think it was Dark Shadows…

I couldn’t even say.

Do you think that you’re a good person?

Sometimes… though I’d like to believe everyone has a good person in them.

We’re a work in progress. 

Do you like to hold or be held?

It really depends… xD I like to hold when I know it’s appreciated, and I can say that much is true.

To hold.

Are you listening to music right now?

The Honey Trees - “Love and Loss” on my lullaby playlist. ^u^

Silence. It is midnight.

Is there something that happened in your past that you really hate talking about?

Humm… I keep a lot to myself, but there’s a lot of things I don’t like talking about.

I talk a lot about the past nowadays. But there are still some things I keep to myself.

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

Nope… xD

One person, and it made my heart soar.

What do you want in your life right now?

I just want to keep living… to keep enjoying things. I want to be happy and healthy… :)

To do better.

Do you think skydiving would be sweet or terrifying?

For  one who’s horrified of heights, probably terrifying… but in an exciting kind of way. xDD

Terrifying.

Are you currently missing someone?

Every now and then.

Yeah.

Smoke or drink?

Smoking: never. Drinking: not something I’ve tried yet, but I feel like I need a reason to do it.

No smoke. Yes drink. Not my best moment. But, I’m cutting back.

Are you smart?

Smart has a broad meaning… smartass maybe. :P

All circumstantial.

Waiting for?

A bunch of things. But I’m a patient person.

A lot of things to just figure themselves out. But I know I need to do my part, too.

If you could own a non-traditional pet, what would it be?

One of these beauties.

Dragonflies.

Do you find it easier to forgive or forget?

To forgive. You can’t just forget something. It’ll always be there. Sometimes, it’s better to hold onto things you feel like you need to forget. Lessons of learning.

Neither are easy. Neither are necessary.

Would you ever stay with someone just because you didn’t want to break their heart?

I follow my own heart. I know what’s best for me.

Are you sad?

That’s a reluctant yes, but that’s all based on feeling. I know the most important person in my life has to be me, but that’s such a hard concept to grasp sometimes.

You know, change my mind. No. I wouldn't.

Not so much anymore. I’ve been very hopeful and happy lately. ^u^

2012 KiM was a fucking liar.

I’ve been sad, on and off a lot this year. But it’s not like it was before. Sadness is temporary.

What’s a sure way to catch your attention?

A kind smile, and a tireless spirit. Music in the air… maybe a feather or two. xD A lot of things catch my attention…!

It always helps to bring some food. Or a bird. Free plants are nice.

Would you marry just for money?

Never. But I hear happiness has a certain wealth all its own. :)

I know people answer yes to this question. And man. That’s just sad.

Do you dream in color or black and white?

I dream however my brain wants me to dream. xD

Color. Always color.

Often take surveys?

Sometimes. I find them fun! :D like little personal interviews…!

Not nearly as much as I claimed to. This is the first in a good, long while.

Do you write poems?

I used to.

I write whatever is on my mind nowadays.

Do you get along with your parents?

From time to time with mum. We have our share of arguments, but we come back in the end.

Our relationship is like a broken switch. Sometimes works. Sometimes doesn’t.

What do you do when you’re sad?

I think about the things that make me happy. I listen to music, and draw things. I go for walks, and sometimes talk to people (depending on the kind of sad). Sometimes, I just need my time to work things out with myself. A sad KiM is a sad sight.

I lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling. I go shopping for plants. Go for a drive, listening to music at an aggressively loud volume. Cry about it. Ambush my friends into getting food with me. Typical stuff, you know.

7 things in your bag

Empty bank envelopes. XD … my phone, PSP, pencils, some mints, my bandanna, and a sketchy pad!

Bank book. Pen. Wallet. Probably $20 in change. Phone. Lotion.

things you do when you’re really stressed:

Depends on the kind of stress. If it’s an inner stress, I might go and let it out to a friendly ear. But most of the time, I’ll shut myself out and keep myself occupied.

Change the hair. Go for a drive. Listen to some good music, and veg out.

Can you watch scary movies alone?

I can hardly do scary things alone. Dx I have a horrible paranoia that just overruns my thought process… though sometimes, I find myself watching scary game walkthroughs alone, unintentionally.

Oh, absolutely not. 

Do you like to keep the peace or be confrontational?

It really depends… I can be an idealist at times, but I find myself more of a realist in most situations. When confrontation needs to happen, I typically let it. I prefer peaceful resolutions over it, however.

Peace is preferred, but I’m much more temperamental than I used to be.

Do you keep secrets well?

There is no benefit in telling secrets to anyone.

More often than not. The secrets I do tell are the ones that need to be said. Ones that will bring harm to someone if it’s not.

Would you tattoo someone’s name on your body?

I think it might be a little weird… but I guess I don’t know. xD probably not…

Absolutely not.

Do you like beer?

I don’t know yet? XD

Did.

Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Why not?

You can tell this was a question of its time.

Do you still watch cartoons?

Of course!

Of course.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Any and all Miyazaki films~

I can’t say for sure, I hardly watch movies. I love slice of life though.

Afraid of heights?

Terrified. xD

Not really. Vertigo is a pain in the ass though.

Are you patient?

Patience is golden.

Sometimes. It wears thin in some situations.

What is the hardest thing for you to say?

Goodbye. (tied with “no, I will not [insert answer to obligatory question here]”)

Goodbye.

What do you want to receive on your birthday?

I appreciate whatever I’m given. But I prefer time spent over things.

Good company, and good memories.

What makes you frustrated?

My lack of motivation sometimes.

Not knowing what the answer is.

Who will you turn to if you have a huge prob?

I often times keep to myself… but sometimes friends, and mum.

My best friend. Always.

In a relationship?

Nope.

I'll never tell.

Do you cry a lot recently?

I used to. But not anymore.

Whenever I need to.

How many kids do you want to have?

I’m aiming for one right now. Girl or boy, either one will make me happy. :) I wouldn’t mind twins so much…

I don’t think kids are on my radar at the moment... but I suppose you could say, if the time calls for it, I want to adopt two.

Would you take a bullet for someone?

Yes.

Yes.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life?

I feel that everyone can make an imprint on the life of another, whether it is realized or not.

I know that I have.

Say something about your love life.

Art… music… we’re good. ^u^

It is just what it needs to be.

Are you a warfreak?

A what?

If the insinuation is... someone who is obsessed with war... then no, no no.

What do you have to do before you sleep?

I typically go and look back on my day… and think about happy things. ^u^ get any drawings out that I have in mind… listen to my lullaby playlist, drink some water… snuggle up in my blankets… and sleeeep~ :3

Align the energies. Meditate. Think about my day. Think about the next day. Reflect. Breathe, stretch, relax. Close eyes. lol.

Will you donate organs after you die?

I don’t know. I don’t think about it.

Cremation, baby. Throw me in a meadow. Make me into some pretty wildflowers.

Has anyone gotten on your nerves lately?

Mmm… nope.

Oh, absolutely yes.

If you’ll go on a date, what would you like to do?

Ahh… I don’t know. I think having fun should be first and foremost! I’m not an overly romantic person… I don’t think. xD but I guess I don’t know yet.

In actuality, more than likely just a lunch or dinner, and some kind of activity, even a walk or something. I’m... lowkey.

But in my make-believe imagi-verse, I’d want to travel somewhere new, and get lost somewhere.

What would be the best partner of a good cup of coffee?

I’ll pass on the coffee and go for some tea… and with the tea comes the muffins!

I forgot 2012 KiM was a coffee-virgin.

A sweet n’ tasty snack.

Have you ever stayed up all night while drunk or high?

Uh… no. XDD

Sweet summer child...

Drunk, for sure. 

What makes you laugh no matter what?

A lot of things. XD I think the real question is what doesn’t make me laugh no matter what…

The Game Grumps. Fat birds. Silly dogs. 

Do you think it is bad to have sex at your age?

22?

… No. XD

32?

... n o ... 

Will you get married?

I’ll admit that I didn’t see it as an option before… but some things have changed my views on it. I wouldn’t mind. Having a family would be nice.

I refuse to answer this question.......

Would you change yourself for the person you love?

Honestly, I opt out of changing myself to fit the ideals of others. But if it’s something that would benefit me as well, then I’d go for it.

No. Because... the person I love would probably not want me to change.

What do you tell yourself when times get hard?

Smile! :)

You’ll be okay.

have you started a horrible rumour about somebody?

Never.

Never. Still going strong.

have you ever done hallucinogenic drugs?

No.

I’m going to say no, but who actually knows anymore?

have you ever been too drunk to remember a certain night?

Nope.

No. I remember everything.

do you think your future will be a good one?

Let’s see if the stars work in my favor. ^^

Time will tell.

Do you think you were raised well?

In some aspects, yes. But I want to strive to be a better person.

Nah. I grew up in a toxic household. And I know now that the good person I am today, is a direct result of me trying to do better.

If there was true love on one side of the street and a million bucks on the other, which one would you pick?

I hate questions like these… true love doesn’t just sit on the side of the street!

I’d just keep walking. Money won’t follow. But true love just might...

If your parents got divorced and you had to pick mom or dad to live with?

Well, considering this already happened… and considering my mum has been my best and only support, mum.

I mean, now, with everything I’ve learned since... I’d rather live alone. And I do love my mum dearly. I’m just at the age now where... it would be nice to be independent.

Do you think you know the meaning of true love?

I don’t think anyone really does. Even when you’re in love… even when you marry, and have a family… I don’t think it’s really something anyone knows. But I believe once you find yourself happy, that’s when you’ve reached the state of “true love”. :)

Still learning.

Do you wish someone was with you right now?

Sometimes. But I don’t want to just be with anyone. I want to be with someone who wants to share their heart with me. I’m not one to push myself for the wrong reasons. If that were the case, I’m better off alone.

... I’m pretty sure I read this question wrong.

At this very moment, do I want someone to be with me? 

Yeah.

What time did you go to sleep last night?

2:30AM.

12:30AM.

Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?

Never.

I am very fortunate to be where I am today. I spoil myself when I can.

Did you sing at all today?

Today and everyday! ^_^

Everyday. And that will never change.

[fanficshiddles]

My Sweet Rose, Chapter 1

From the imagine on imagine-Loki here.

Summary: Rosie got a job working at The Avengers tower with her cousin, Pepper. She’s only been there a week when Loki comes live there, to make up for his past deeds in New York. But this brings a lot of problems for Rosie.

Loki was her Daddy Dom. Who vanished one day without a word, leaving her completely broken and lost.

Note: Daddy/little dynamic & Flashbacks will be in Bold. I’m not sure how long this story will be, I’m thinking no more than 5 chapters though. But I saw the imagine and omg I love it, had to do something with it. Haven’t written anymore of it yet but just HAD to share the first chapter so far, oops! lol. 

-

Rosie had been working and living in the Avengers tower for a week now, it was going really well. And it was helping to keep her mind occupied, getting her back on her feet after such a rough year.

She was a PA for Stark, and the other Avengers if they needed anything too. It was helping her cousin, Pepper out a lot. As Stark was very demanding nowadays and the others were becoming that way too.

It was also good for Rosie. She’d had a really tough year. She met someone a few years ago in a BDSM club, it had been her first time there after spending months building up the courage to go. She was a little, and had been wanting to find someone that she could feel safe with to explore that side of her.

She met a man, who was charming and handsome. Kind, funny. They fell in love, or so she thought anyway. He was the perfect Daddy Dom for her, teaching her everything and looking after her. She adored and loved him so much. Which is why when one day he just vanished, it was all the harder for her.

He just never returned after saying he had to go home to visit his family, who lived in Iceland apparently. But he did that regularly and always returned to her. But not that time. To say she was heartbroken when there was not even a call or a text from him explaining why was an understatement.

His name was Loki. And it became clear what happened a few months later after his disappearance, she saw him on the news. Loki, the God Of Mischief, was trying to take over the world. She couldn’t believe it and thought she was dreaming when she realised it had was her Loki. He looked different in the heavy armour, he looked scary.

But she thought no wonder he left her, he was a God and a Prince after all. What would he have wanted with her in the first place anyway?

She had tried a couple of times to date someone else, but never made it past the first date. As they just… weren’t him. No matter how often she tried to just forget about him. It was difficult.

She’d fallen into a downward spiral, not even able to go to work. So she had lost her job and was on benefits for a while. She became really anxious and nervous.

But here, in the tower, she was trying to turn herself around again. It had been one man, even if he had been her first true love, in her heart anyway. She knew she would heal, in time. Even if it had been over a year.

Rosie had been so engrossed in sorting out some paperwork for Tony that she never noticed the newcomer coming into the kitchen. She barely even registered Thor introducing her to him. ‘This is Rosie, our PA, she’s new here.’

Not until she heard an all too familiar voice responding that sent shivers down her spine and sent her heart racing.

‘Rosie… My sweet Rose?’

There was only one person who had ever called her that.

Slowly she looked up, eyes widening, standing before her was Loki.

‘Oh my sweet Rose, you’ve done Daddy so proud.’ Loki purred gently as he cradled her in his lap.

She felt so safe and secure, curled up against him as he wrapped a blanket around her naked body. Knowing how cold she always got after they’d played together quite so intensely.

Loki rocked her back and fore softly as he ran his fingers through her hair, soothing her. She was trembling a bit after her orgasms, Loki had pushed her almost past her limit, but he knew. He always knew when to stop at the right time.

He was an intense Daddy, and could be really strict at times. But he was fair and ever so kind. He had his goofy moments and was extremely playful too, which she loved. He was never angry with her, always calm and collected. Even when she misbehaved, not that that happened often.

She clung to his shirt so tightly, never wanting to let go. Loki had to carefully remove her hand from his shirt just so he could change them into a different position, getting them both under the blanket so he could have her snuggled up next to him. He knew she would fall asleep soon.

‘Daddy.’ She whispered quietly, sounding so vulnerable.

‘Yes, my little one?’ Loki asked, engulfing her small hand in his large one.

‘Can you sing to me?’

Loki smiled. ‘Of course, my sweetling.’

He began singing to her in Asgardian, but he had told her before it was Icelandic. She had no reason not to believe him, especially since he told her he’d grown up there with his parents.

But he had a beautiful voice, she always loved to hear him sing.

She felt so loved as he she drifted off to sleep to the sound of his voice. She faintly remembered a gentle kiss on her forehead just before she fell asleep.

Thor was confused at their interaction, especially as Rosie said nothing at first. Just stared at Loki in utter disbelief.

‘No…’ She shook her head and took a step backwards. ‘You… You don’t get to call me that anymore.’ She said quietly, her voice trembling as tears came to her eyes.

‘Rosie? What’s wrong, did he hurt you?’ Clint asked upon seeing the reaction.

Rosie grabbed the pile of paperwork off the table beside her and she ran off out of the kitchen, with tears falling down her face.

Clint turned to Loki. ‘You’ve got some explaining to do.’ He snapped at him.

‘I have nothing to explain to you, Hawk.’ Loki snarled.

Natasha and Pepper saw Rosie running out of the kitchen in floods of tears, they ran after her into her room. Natasha managed to grab the door before it closed on them.

‘Rosie? Rosie, what’s wrong?’ They both asked as they rushed in to her.

Rosie threw the papers on her bed and she started pacing back and fore, shaking and crying with her arms wrapped around herself. Pepper grabbed her and pulled her down to sit on the bed.

‘Rosie, please speak to us.’ She pleaded with her cousin as Natasha sat at the other side of her.

‘It… It’s him…’ She sobbed.

‘Who? Loki? Did he scare you? I told him not to be an asshole to anyone.’ Natasha said angrily.

‘He… He’s the one. Who I dated before.’ She blurted out, making Pepper and Natasha go silent in shock.

‘But… how?’ Pepper asked.

‘I met him one night in a club. And we dated for eleven months. I was in love with him, utterly and completely. I thought he was with me too. But then he just vanished and never came back one day. Then a few months later, I saw him on the TV… I didn’t tell anyone it was him, because I thought no one would believe me anyway. And what did it matter? It wouldn’t change anything.’ Rosie blurted out between crying.

‘Oh, Rosie. I wish you had told me.’ Pepper pulled her into a hug and cradled her head against her. ‘It’s ok, shhh, shhh. It’s going to be ok.’

Natasha rubbed her back softly. ‘If we had known, we would have warned you he was coming here. I’m so sorry.’

Rosie shook her head and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. ‘No… It’s my fault, I should have told you. I just… it’s a shock to see him face to face.’

Natasha and Pepper nodded in understanding.

They stayed with her for a little while, then when she told them she was ok and was going to take a shower before bed, they left her to it.

But it ended up being the longest shower ever. She kept thinking about Loki and what they had together before.

Kept thinking of when they first met…

Rosie was super nervous when she walked into the BDSM club. But after months of talking herself into it, she finally had the courage to do it.

She didn’t dare tell any of her friends what she was into or what she was doing, perhaps foolish in a way as no one knew where she was. And she was on her own. But she was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Her friends wouldn’t understand.

She relaxed a tiny bit once she was there, noticing other people on their own as well. Getting a few drinks down her helped with her nerves too.

Some of the people she spoke to briefly were really nice. She met a lovely couple at the bar who asked if it was her first time there. They told her if she needed anything to feel free to ask them, not to be shy. That everyone there was really nice and friendly.

There were various demos on that she watched, there was a lot more to some scenes than met the eye. It really made her realise how on sites such as Fetlife and others, it was easy to get sucked into the wanna-be-Dom’s who likely had no idea what they were doing. Or how much safety came into it all.

‘Excuse me, I don’t mean to bother you but I was wondering if you’d like to join me for a drink?’ A beautiful voice came from beside her when one of the demos on aftercare just finished.

Rosie turned and her breath was taken from her as she gazed up at an incredibly tall and handsome man.

‘I… I… Yeah, I would like that, thank you.’ Rosie stammered out, nodding over enthusiastically.

He grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth as he put his hand out towards her. ‘My name is Loki.’ He introduced.

‘I’m Rosie.’ She smiled up at him and put her hand into his. That’s when she noticed his gorgeous hands, so big and he had such long fingers. She blushed hard when he raised her hand up and he kissed the back of it, making her skin tingle like crazy.

‘Pleasure to meet you, Rosie.’ He said charmingly.

Loki gave her his arm and led her over to a free table near the bar. She was really nervous, and Loki could tell. But he soon had her at ease, just chatting away to her calmly and making her laugh almost straight away. She slowly began to relax in his presence.

‘Is this your first time here?’ He asked after buying them both another drink.

‘Is it that obvious?’ She cringed, making him chuckle.

‘Kind of. You did look a bit like a deer in the headlights. But that’s normal for first timers.’ Loki winked at her.

‘So, I’m guessing that means you’ve been here before?’

‘It does.’ He nodded. ‘Not often, it’s probably my fourth visit. Mainly just trying to meet new people, meet anyone that may potentially be interested in a Daddy Dom.’

Rosie’s eyes widened and she suddenly fell shy again as she looked down at her glass and swallowed hard. Loki raised an eyebrow, instantly realising that she was a little. He suspected she was a sub, but hadn’t been sure about the little aspect or not.

Loki leaned forward over the table towards her a little more. ‘Let me take a quick stab in the dark here… But I am presuming that you are a little?’

Her mouth opened and closed again. Then she just opted for nodding in response instead of trusting her voice to actually work.

Loki smiled softly. ‘Nothing to be shy about, sweetheart. That’s why lots of people come to these clubs, to meet their person.’

‘I… I guess so.’ She agreed.

They continued to talk for over an hour, not much about BDSM which Rosie found quite pleasant. He didn’t seem to want to jump straight in so quickly, which in turn made her trust him more and relax.

At the end of the night, Loki handed over a small card with his number on it. ‘There’s absolutely no pressure at all. But I’ve really enjoyed my night with you, Rosie. I would love to take you out on a date, perhaps out for lunch Saturday? But there’s no pressure, I don’t need an answer right now. Just text or call me to let me know. But if I don’t hear from you, that’s ok too. I totally understand.’

Rosie’s heart was racing. Could he get any more considerate? He wasn’t pressuring her at all, not asking for her number. Not even expecting her to contact him if she didn’t want to go on a date with him. Not even needing an answer straight away, what a gentleman.

Loki walked her outside the club and hailed a taxi for her, he even paid in advance for her, not taking no for an answer.

‘I just want to make sure I know you’ll get home safely. And I can’t help it, it’s the protective Daddy in me.’ He shrugged and chuckled, making her giggle shyly.

‘Thank you, Loki.’ She smiled widely at him as she got into the taxi and he closed the door for her once she was in.

He waved her off and she couldn’t stop smiling the whole way home.

Of course, she did text him the following morning to say she would love nothing more than to go on a date with him on Saturday. If that was still what he wanted, too.

Loki replied within a minute, with a time and a place for their first date.

-

‘How DARE you!’ Pepper roared at Loki and launched for him, slapping him across the face. It barely made him flinch, but he clenched his jaw as he glared at her.

Everyone was surprised at Pepper’s outburst.

‘Woah, what did he do?’ Bruce asked.

‘HE is the one that broke my cousin’s heart. She was head over heels in love with you, asshole. Then you just disappeared on her, left her alone without even an explanation. No note, nothing.’ She snarled at him.

Loki narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Not that it’s any of your business, but I did what was right. To protect her. She was better off without me.’

‘You did NOT do what was right. You have no idea what you’ve put her through this past year, how heartbroken she was. Still is!’ Pepper screeched.

Loki faltered. ‘Still is? Did she not find another, she’s a beautiful, incredible woman. How could she not find ano’

‘You are such a fucking idiot!’ Pepper screeched angrily and so wanted to slap him again, but she knew it was pointless.

The guys around him all put their face into their hands.

‘What?’ Loki asked, looking around.

‘That’s a low blow, man. Not even leaving her a note.’ Said Tony.

‘I… I thought I was doing the right thing.’ Loki said, looking at Thor.

Thor nodded. ‘I did not realise that your Rose was this Rosie… But yes, Loki thought he was doing right by her. He was in love with her, adored her. Never shut up about her. But when he discovered his true heritage on a short visit home, he decided not to go back to her. In fear of hurting her.’ Thor explained.

Pepper ran her hands down her face.

‘Well, you failed on that. You probably hurt her more by not at least saying you were over. You have no idea what she’s been through this last year.’ Pepper shook her head in disgust at Loki.

The team all murmured between them and left the room, leaving Loki with Thor.

For the first time in a long time, Thor saw his real brother back. He saw true emotion on his face again, sorrow and guilt.

‘I… I did not mean to hurt her.’ Loki said, still a bit confused. ‘I loved her, Thor… I do love her. I never stopped thinking about her, never loved another.’ He whispered.

Thor sighed and walked over to him, patting his shoulder. ‘I know, brother. I know.’

Loki thought back to the first time she had called him Daddy. How much it made his heart happy that she trusted and wanted him so much…

Rosie and Loki were snuggling on the sofa together, watching some cartoons that she loved. Loki wasn’t overly fond of them, but it made her happy so he always obliged. He was just happy to have her on his lap, comfortable and relaxed in his arms. Where she belonged.

He was lightly stroking her back underneath her top, making her skin tingle. She was in utter heaven, and Loki couldn’t get enough of just simply touching her. He needed touch in some way, whether he was just holding her hand or had the tips of his fingers on her skin, he needed and craved the intimacy with her.

Loki’s fingers trailed a bit too far to her side and up a little, making her squirm and giggle.

‘Daddy, that tickles!’ She laughed and tried to grab his hand to stop him.

But he had already stopped, freezing at what she said. That was the first time she had called him that, even in little space.

The biggest smile spread across his face and he buried his face into her hair and squeezed her tightly to him.

‘Sorry, my sweet little one. I forgot how ticklish you are.’ He purred.

[unloved-cadillac]

How about something like the reader is originally a warrior, she becomes a scout immediately after the wall fell and ends up falling in love with Levi. Then one day she goes and tells Erwin everything to prove she’s on their side, when Levi finds out he’s angry at first but then ends up forgiving her

C/n: I actually wanted to write a story just like this. Thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

——————————————————————————

Where My Heart Lies. (Levi x Reader)

Commander Magath spoke loudly as he addressed the warriors and soldiers. “Bring back the founder. I don’t care how, you are Warriors. Nothing less. This is your objective. Now, teamed with the Armored, Jaw, Female and Colossal Titan would be a normal soldier. To not create any suspicion and to look after you kids. Y/n L/n has been chosen from the head commander for this specific job. L/n!” He shouts her name and she steps forward. “Are you ready?”

She salutes and nods. “Yes, sir!”

When she is sent back to her room to pack, she thinks about the devils she will meet and kill. It made her happy. This is what she’s been training for. She might not have made it to inherit the Female Titan but she was strong. Strong enough.

She kissed her family goodbye and headed to the Island of Devils with four kids.

~~~~

When Marcel died and the kids infiltrated the walls, Y/n made another plan. It was much better than Magath’s “just get the founder no matter what” plan. “We are joining the army. Don’t worry. I’ll be right there with you. Once we gained their trust, we attack. Trust me.” She holds Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt close to her.

The training was easy for them. The gears were weird but it took Y/n a couple of tries to get it right; that meant that it didn’t take long for her to catch the attention of the Commander and Captain of this Survey Corps.

Erwin Smith, spoke to her. Telling her that if she joined the Survey Corps, she would be the best assets there. Titans would fall quickly and it would be closer to their goal of saving humanity. Although Y/n hated it, she agreed and later joined. Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt also joined because that way she could keep an eye on them.

Once she joined, her skills improved. Unintentionally, of course. All she wanted was get the founding titan and go home, because a certain man had captured her attention. Captain Levi. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, a ruthless machine. He had his own squad but he helped train other squads as well. Including Y/n.

“You’re getting better, L/n. Keep it up.” He says as he walks by here as she finished taking down her opponent. “Thank you sir.” Levi nods and stands to the side as he watches her fight again. The movements faltered a bit but she won that round again.

“Let me show you something.” Levi interjects and steps in front of her. Her eyes widen but go back to normal as she finds her stance. “Be sharp on your feet, don’t avoid eye contact. Now watch.” He says and as fast as lightning, he had her hands behind her back and legs immobile. “How?!” She yells, chuckling a bit and he lets her go. “Practice. Now continue.” She nods as Levi begins to walk away.

Reiner didn’t miss that smile she had when Levi walked away.

Over the course of six months, Y/n and Levi began to get a bit closer than a captain and a cadet would normally be. She wasn’t young, late twenties just like him, but the feelings she felt for Levi started to flourish and it terrified her.

She couldn’t sleep because of it. Where did her heart lie now? To the army of Marley who didn’t really care about her or the “devils” that did nothing but be kind to her? Or the devil who stole her heart?

When the female titan attacked, Y/n gathered the warrior kids away from base. “What the fuck were you thinking?!” Y/n shouts at Annie but Annie scoffs. “That Eren Yeager is the reason. Did you forget why we’re actually here or did that devil do his magic on you that made you lose memory?” Annie spits back and Y/n shakes her head.

“Unnecessary. That’s what that was. Unnecessary deaths. This is ridiculous.” Y/n sighs out.

Now that Y/n had been promoted, she had got intel on the plan to capture Annie. As the commander spoke, Y/n had a war in her head. Does she tell Annie? Does she go along with the plan?

“Hey.”

A soft voice pulls her away from her mind and she looks at the man to her left. “You alright? You seem tense.” Levi asks and she nods. “I’m fine. This is a hectic plan, huh?”

“Yeah. Our own being a traitor? Make me sick just thinking about it.” Levi says and Y/n gulps. “But it’s alright, we’ll get them. I know it.” Levi assures her and rests a hand on hers.

~~~~

When Annie crystallized and havoc rained on the Survey Corps, Y/n knew where her loyalties laid. Once she knew every girl was asleep, she snuck out and made her way to the commanders office. The light that shone from inside told her that he was still awake, probably paperwork.

Y/n knocked and Erwin opened the door. “Ah, Y/n. Hello. Come in.” He welcomes her and she thanks him before sitting down. “What brings you here at this time of the night?” Erwin asks as he sits back into his chair.

“Erwin, there’s something…I need to tell you. Everyone actually but you’re the first that needs to know.” She begins.

“Me? I’m honored to know before Levi. I see you two are quite close nowadays.” Erwin wiggles his big eyebrows which makes her chuckle. “Yeah. That’s one of the reasons why I’m going to tell you what I know.” She gets serious and Erwin leans forward. “Go on.”

And she does. Every thing, not missing a single detail. From Marley, to the training, to the Titans and the traitors. “Commander, I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I’ll leave if that’s what you want. But, Reiner and Bertholdt plan of taking Eren hostage and if you can stop that, I suggest you do.” Y/n concludes and takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself after her speech.

“I see. And, when exactly will this “kidnapping” happen?” Erwin asks.

“I’m not entirely sure, commander. They only spoke about it but no specific date.”

Erwin nods and gets up from his seat causing Y/n to flinch. “Tomorrow, you tell all of our Vets. I’m not going to lock you up. That will cause too much of drama and ruin the plans. Go to sleep now. First thing tomorrow, you come clean to everyone.” Y/n nods and gets up from her seat to leave.

Once she is back in her bed, she breaks down. It’s like a heavy weight has been lifted from her shoulders. But the hard part now is to confess to Levi. Everything. “He’s going to hate me.” She whispers to herself as she wipes her tears. “I didn’t even get to tell him that I love him. Fuck.”

~~~~

The next morning, the Vets sat and listened as Y/n outed herself. She didn’t make eye contact with anyone and continued to look at the floor. She wouldn’t be able to handle the disappointment they had for her.

“Well, Y/n,” Nanaba begins after a long minute of silence, “thank you for telling us. It’s not going to be easy from here on out.” Y/n nods and lifts up her head and her eyes immediately land on Levi. She’s never seen him so mad before and to think that all that anger was aimed at her made Y/n sick to her core.

“Y/n did not do anything to betray her loyalty to the Corps. Instead, she betrayed her hometown. If that doesn’t scream loyalty, I don’t know what does.” Erwin comments and looks at her. The meeting progresses and when it finishes, Levi is immediately gone. She sighs but feels a hand in her shoulder.

“Talk to him. Explain it just as you did to me. That’s the only way he will forgive you.” Erwin tells her and she closes her eyes. “I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.”

Levi stormed to his office and slammed his door shut. How could she? After everything that they had been through? Him losing his squad only to realize that she knew. And to think for a moment he might ha e actually loved her. A knock makes him groan. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. So when he opened the door and saw Y/n standing there, it pushed him over the edge.

“How dare you show me your face to me?” He asks and Y/n bows her head. “I..I just wanted-“

“Nothing. I have nothing to say to you.”

“I didn’t know, Levi!” Y/n suddenly shouts and he looks at her. “What?”

“I didn’t know that Annie would do that. That wasn’t in the plan. That’s why I pulled away from them. If killing innocent people was the way to get the founder, I wasn’t going to participate. I’ve heard so much of stories about the devils of Paradis and how horrible they are, but right now the only horrible people here are the Marleyeans. I didn’t expect this. Everything I knew before was all lies. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you or confessing to all of the plans we had.” Y/n sighs as she finishes and Levi stares at her. Did he hear right? She loved him?

Levi runs a hand down his face and brings her in his office before shutting the door. When he faced her, he held her face in his hands and searched her eyes. “You won’t..lie about that, would you?” He asks in a hushed tone. Y/n knew exactly which part he was talking about and held his hands. “Never. I know that I lied about how I came here and my plans, but not this. Not when it means I could lose you if I did.” She replies and Levi nods.

He gently pulls her to him and kisses her forehead then lays his on it. “You’re going to have to make it up to me, you know that?” She smiles

“I know. I promise I will.”

~~~~

“She what?” Magath asks Reiner. “Y/n fell for Captain Levi and married him. When Zeke got involved, they were prepared already. She betrayed Marley, sir. She’s also the reason Bertholdt got killed. All of our plans were almost unsuccessful because of her.”

Zeke chuckles as he lights a cigarette. “Can’t say I’m surprised. She acted all tough but I knew she was a weak little bitch.” Reiner internally winces at Zeke’s choice at words. “Whatever. She is t our concern anymore. She married a devil so she is one now.”

Reiner shook his head at the thought of the girl who he looked up to. He’s so happy that she escaped this life. He wishes he was that lucky. Wishes that he could’ve left and start a family away from the chaos.

But at least one of them got a happy ending.

——————————————————————————

“I can’t take it. My heart’s breaking.”

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

[crows-junk-pile]

Context

Tldr : Vase in TMA stole a guy's husband, the Tma fandom now refers to that vase as The Homophobic Vase

Thank you for lending me your pen. I thanked you when you handed it to me, but I don’t know if you’ll remember. I wonder, will you… forget you lent it to me and believe that it was my pen all along? Maybe instead you’ll forget that I ever had one to begin with, and think of me as an idiot who turned up to give a statement without a pen, so you had to lend me yours. My own fault for putting it down, really. Assuming I did ever have one. I’ll try to keep a slightly closer hold on this one.

I’ve been in the antiques business for a long time. It’s not what it used to be. [Nervous chuckle] I’m sorry, I know. I always did that, try to make myself feel more comfortable with jokes. There’s a follow up to that one, you know. Something along the lines of the joke being so old only an antiques dealer would be able to sell it. I love that one; I think it’s clever, but in my whole life it’s only ever gotten a laugh once. That’s why I remember buying the vase so clearly. I remember that the seller laughed.

In the old days, I never would have considered buying wares from the likes of Mikaele Salesa. He has a good reputation for quality, but a… bad reputation for legality, as it were. I’ve had more than one acquaintance sell on a particularly valuable find they got from him, only to discover that it didn’t have proper import papers, or that it had been reported stolen years before. Charlie Miller even did some jail time over a Georgian brooch he bought off him, so as a general rule I’d have given Salesa’s stuff a wide berth, but… Well, the antiques business isn’t what it used to be. That isn’t a joke. I had to close up my shop a few years ago, you see. Actual antiques don’t sell to the mass market anymore. Oh, young people will snap up vintage clothes or have any number of cheap faux-antique replicas strewn about their living rooms, but as soon as they get a look at the price tag for the real thing? They’re out of there like a shot.

So I went the same way as a lot of my peers. Lose the premises, start selling only high-margin goods direct to specific clients who can afford them, or shift a few guaranteed sellers on the auction. It’s the only real way to stay afloat in the business nowadays, but the competition is intense, and getting the calibre of artefact you need has become a more cutthroat affair. I’m not the only one in the business to recently soften their attitude towards buying from people like Mikaele Salesa.

It was my first meeting with him, back in March, and I was nervous, so I told my joke. Just off-hand, almost a reflex. I didn’t expect any reaction, really, I… I certainly didn’t expect him to laugh. But he did, this sudden, deep, throaty laugh that seemed to come out of nowhere. He didn’t say anything afterwards, just continued discussing business. But it stayed with me. There was nothing particularly strange about the laugh, not really. Why do I remember it so clearly?

Salesa was taking me through his ‘showroom’. There was a fancy-looking sign above the door, but it didn’t do much to hide the fact that it was basically a warehouse. More of the antiques were still in their packing crates, and I couldn’t help making a note of how quick and easy it would be for him to pack everything down and disappear if he needed to. Still, I’d made a few good purchases already and was cautiously optimistic. I’d bought a pair of cavalry sabres from the Revolutionary War, absolutely excellent condition, and a British artilleryman’s tunic from World War I, a few other bits and pieces as well. I recall I felt a moment of relief that I didn’t deal in books, as I caught sight of several crates packed to the brim with heavy-looking volumes. I was looking for something big, though. Something that would make an actual dent in the mountain of debt I’d been piling up.

I found it in that old Chinese pot. From the Jiajing period, so Salesa said, and the construction seemed to back him up. The glaze and the workmanship fitted with mid-to-late Ming dynasty, but there was something… off about the actual design. Instead of the pictures or scenes common to the ceramics of the period, the blue glaze was painted on in crisp, thin geometric lines. They repeated perfectly and seemed to get smaller and more intricate the closer I looked, but the shapes they formed never lost any of the precision, seeming to continue on however closely I looked. The effect was disorientating, and made the vase seem smaller than it actually was. It made my head hurt a bit when I looked at it for too long. It was amazing.

When he saw me staring, Salesa clapped me on the back and named a price that almost made me choke. We haggled a bit, and eventually reached a price I considered only a little bit unreasonable. I hurried my purchases home, feeling slightly soiled by my visit to the warehouse, and very much hoping it would be a good few months, if not years, before I was in such dire straits that I needed to go again. I got home, had a shower and some food and immediately started to look into finding a buyer for my latest acquisitions. I remember I was planning to make a few calls, but my headache got so bad that I had to have an early night.

The problems started soon after. It was little things at first. Like my shoes. I’m not a particularly fashion-conscious man at the best of times, so I have three pairs of shoes. Comfortable loafers for everyday use, a pair of walking boots for hiking, and some well-shined, polished, leather brogues for fancier events. Well, I had a rather upmarket auction that I needed to attend, so I went to put on my nice shoes, but they were nowhere to be found. Not the shoes, not the box I kept them in. Instead there was a bag containing two shirts that I know for a fact I threw away the year before. When I asked my husband, David, about it, he told me point blank that I had never had any such shoes. Claimed I always wore my loafers when I went to auctions or parties.

I know that compared to some of the ghost stories you must hear in this place, a pair of misplaced shoes seems perfectly trivial, but something felt so… wrong about the whole situation. In the end I did go in my loafers. I don’t remember if anyone at the auction noticed.

It was about a week later that I got the invoice from Salesa. It was a pleasant surprise, far less than I thought we’d agreed on. That feeling lasted until I looked through the itemised list and realised why the cost was so low. He hadn’t charged me for the Ming. I’ll admit that I was somewhat conflicted over whether to raise the issue, but in the end I decided that even if Mikaele Salesa did work with thieves, I was not going to be counted among them. So I phoned him to try and explain the mistake.

He seemed to be in a fine mood when he answered the phone, and asked me if I’d had a chance to try out the sabres yet, which I’m pretty sure was a joke. I told him that there was an item he’d missed off the invoice, and he said that no, everything had been double-checked and was correct. I was getting suspicious at this point, and thought he might be trying to pull a fast one of some sort with me, maybe get me to take the blame for some illicit scheme gone wrong. I told him so in no uncertain terms, and described our encounter and the vase in minute detail. He was quiet for a few seconds, and then asked me if I could send him a photo of the pot. His tone was different, and he sounded oddly wary when he made the request. I was very on edge by this point, but could come up with no good reason not to agree, so I took a few pictures with my phone and sent them through to him.

It was a long time before he spoke again, and when he did he sounded… different. Almost scared, I thought. He told me that I could keep it. No charge. I began to protest again, but he ignored it. I remember his exact words: “I do not remember having that thing, which means it belongs to you.” Then he hung up.

This was all very strange, of course, but even then I wasn’t worried. Not like I should have been.

It was my book next. A signed copy of Catch-22, my favourite book. Vanished from its place on my bookshelf, leaving only an empty space behind. David just gave me another blank stare when I asked him about it. I admit I almost lost it at him then. Shoes were one thing, but that book meant a lot to me. I accused him of playing some stupid joke, and tried to remind him what I’d gone through to get it, flying over to America for Joseph Heller’s last book tour, queuing for hours and then that dreadful evening I thought that sudden rainstorm had ruined it all. By the end he was looking… very alarmed indeed and started to ask me how I was feeling. He wanted to know if I’d been under a lot of stress at work, if there was anything I wanted to talk about. I left.

Maybe he was right. Maybe I am crazy. It makes a lot more sense, doesn’t it? It would make it neat. Except no. No, I would need to have gone mad a long, long time before this for the idea of it being in my head to hold up. My perceptions are the only ones I can trust. Maybe. I don’t know.

This went on for months. The tie I got for my last birthday, my grandfather’s teapot, the tunic I bought from Salesa, things just kept going missing, and every time David would tell me that whatever it was didn’t exist. Or it wasn’t mine. Or I was misremembering. For a while I thought he was actually trying to gaslight me, make me think I was losing my mind, but when the tunic went missing, I called Salesa again. This time he laughed when he told me that he didn’t remember selling any World War I items to me on my visit. I checked the invoice, and it was no longer listed there. Just empty, accusing paper where the words had been.

I know these things were real. I know they existed. Why won’t anyone just believe me?

This is where I started to come undone a bit. To be honest, I don’t think anyone would do much better in my situation. I hadn’t made any connection between the old Chinese pot and the disappearances. I mean, why would I? But I also hadn’t been able to sell it. Whenever I tried, something would get in the way. The other person would forget to send through a crucial email, or they’d stop responding. Once I managed to get it as far as posting it out to a buyer, but it was returned immediately with a note asking why it had been sent to her. Gradually, I began to get suspicious of the thing. Sitting there, with its cascading, maddening patterns in that vile cobalt blue. Trying to tell me that I things didn’t exist, that they hadn’t vanished when I know they have.

I took to watching it. I wasn’t getting much sleep and David was worried sick about me. I know he was talking to various doctors about getting me help. There were certainly a couple of points I was worried about him having me sectioned. None of it helps in the end.

It was about a month ago. I had placed the vase in the centre of the table, and was sat staring at it. Keeping an eye on it. Checking for… god knows what. This had been my ritual for the previous week, keeping my vigil into the small hours, but that night… that night I fell asleep in front of it. I don’t remember my dream. Running, maybe? I know I woke with a start sometime around 2 in the morning.

As I tried to rub the sleep from my eyes, I heard a sound from the table in front of me. It was the dull thump of a heavy book hitting the tabletop. I looked and, sure enough, there was my copy of Catch-22, just lying there in front of that strange ceramic thing. And not just my book, there was a small pile of objects around the base. My shoes, a tie, things I don’t even remember losing. One by one they rose up out of the mouth of the vase and tumbled to the table. It didn’t matter how big they were, they all seemed to fit.

And then came the moment when everything had been disgorged. I saw all the things that I had lost, and I thought it must be over. It must be done. What else could possibly come of there? And I saw the pale shapes of long, thin fingertips begin to creep above the lip of the pot. I remember thinking that it couldn’t be a normal person living in that pot, because the fingernails were too dirty. Isn’t that an odd thing to think at a time like that?

I ran, of course. Turned around and sprinted out of the door and into the street and didn’t return until morning. Maybe I should have called the police, but I was in no state to do much of anything except shiver under a tree for hours. David was gone. I allowed myself some brief hope that maybe he’d just left me, maybe he’d escape with just a divorce. But no. One call to the housing association confirmed that, as far as they were concerned, I’d always lived alone.

I want to smash that thing. I want to dash its maddening patterns to the ground and stomp on it until there is nothing left but powder. But it’s also disappeared, of course. I can’t find it anywhere. It’s still taking things, though. Sorry about your pen.

BEAD JUG/GAY JUG ITS TO COMBAT THE HOMOPHOBIC VASE

[imagine-loki]

My Sweet Rose, Chapter 1

TITLE: My Sweet Rose CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you are secretly a little but no one knows, one day you decide to check out a local BDSM club to try and get a feel of the community. You meet a handsome stranger that, over the next few months, shows you all about the lifestyle. However, one day… he vanishes without a word. 

RATING: M NOTES: Daddy/little dynamic & Flashbacks will be in Bold.

I’m not sure how long this story will be, I’m thinking no more than 5 chapters though. But I saw the imagine and omg I love it, had to do something with it. Haven’t written anymore of it yet but just HAD to share the first chapter so far, oops! lol. 

-

Rosie had been working and living in the Avengers tower for a week now, it was going really well. And it was helping to keep her mind occupied, getting her back on her feet after such a rough year.

She was a PA for Stark, and the other Avengers if they needed anything too. It was helping her cousin, Pepper out a lot. As Stark was very demanding nowadays and the others were becoming that way too.

It was also good for Rosie. She’d had a really tough year. She met someone a few years ago in a BDSM club, it had been her first time there after spending months building up the courage to go. She was a little, and had been wanting to find someone that she could feel safe with to explore that side of her.

She met a man, who was charming and handsome. Kind, funny. They fell in love, or so she thought anyway. He was the perfect Daddy Dom for her, teaching her everything and looking after her. She adored and loved him so much. Which is why when one day he just vanished, it was all the harder for her.

He just never returned after saying he had to go home to visit his family, who lived in Iceland apparently. But he did that regularly and always returned to her. But not that time. To say she was heartbroken when there was not even a call or a text from him explaining why was an understatement.

His name was Loki. And it became clear what happened a few months later after his disappearance, she saw him on the news. Loki, the God Of Mischief, was trying to take over the world. She couldn’t believe it and thought she was dreaming when she realised it had was her Loki. He looked different in the heavy armour, he looked scary.

But she thought no wonder he left her, he was a God and a Prince after all. What would he have wanted with her in the first place anyway?

She had tried a couple of times to date someone else, but never made it past the first date. As they just… weren’t him. No matter how often she tried to just forget about him. It was difficult.

She’d fallen into a downward spiral, not even able to go to work. So she had lost her job and was on benefits for a while. She became really anxious and nervous.

But here, in the tower, she was trying to turn herself around again. It had been one man, even if he had been her first true love, in her heart anyway. She knew she would heal, in time. Even if it had been over a year.

Rosie had been so engrossed in sorting out some paperwork for Tony that she never noticed the newcomer coming into the kitchen. She barely even registered Thor introducing her to him. ‘This is Rosie, our PA, she’s new here.’

Not until she heard an all too familiar voice responding that sent shivers down her spine and sent her heart racing.

‘Rosie… My sweet Rose?’

There was only one person who had ever called her that.

Slowly she looked up, eyes widening, standing before her was Loki.

‘Oh my sweet Rose, you’ve done Daddy so proud.’ Loki purred gently as he cradled her in his lap.

She felt so safe and secure, curled up against him as he wrapped a blanket around her naked body. Knowing how cold she always got after they’d played together quite so intensely.

Loki rocked her back and fore softly as he ran his fingers through her hair, soothing her. She was trembling a bit after her orgasms, Loki had pushed her almost past her limit, but he knew. He always knew when to stop at the right time.

He was an intense Daddy, and could be really strict at times. But he was fair and ever so kind. He had his goofy moments and was extremely playful too, which she loved. He was never angry with her, always calm and collected. Even when she misbehaved, not that that happened often.

She clung to his shirt so tightly, never wanting to let go. Loki had to carefully remove her hand from his shirt just so he could change them into a different position, getting them both under the blanket so he could have her snuggled up next to him. He knew she would fall asleep soon.

‘Daddy.’ She whispered quietly, sounding so vulnerable.

‘Yes, my little one?’ Loki asked, engulfing her small hand in his large one.

‘Can you sing to me?’

Loki smiled. ‘Of course, my sweetling.’

He began singing to her in Asgardian, but he had told her before it was Icelandic. She had no reason not to believe him, especially since he told her he’d grown up there with his parents.

But he had a beautiful voice, she always loved to hear him sing.

She felt so loved as he she drifted off to sleep to the sound of his voice. She faintly remembered a gentle kiss on her forehead just before she fell asleep.

Thor was confused at their interaction, especially as Rosie said nothing at first. Just stared at Loki in utter disbelief.

‘No…’ She shook her head and took a step backwards. ‘You… You don’t get to call me that anymore.’ She said quietly, her voice trembling as tears came to her eyes.

‘Rosie? What’s wrong, did he hurt you?’ Clint asked upon seeing the reaction.

Rosie grabbed the pile of paperwork off the table beside her and she ran off out of the kitchen, with tears falling down her face.

Clint turned to Loki. ‘You’ve got some explaining to do.’ He snapped at him.

‘I have nothing to explain to you, Hawk.’ Loki snarled.

Natasha and Pepper saw Rosie running out of the kitchen in floods of tears, they ran after her into her room. Natasha managed to grab the door before it closed on them.

‘Rosie? Rosie, what’s wrong?’ They both asked as they rushed in to her.

Rosie threw the papers on her bed and she started pacing back and fore, shaking and crying with her arms wrapped around herself. Pepper grabbed her and pulled her down to sit on the bed.

‘Rosie, please speak to us.’ She pleaded with her cousin as Natasha sat at the other side of her.

‘It… It’s him…’ She sobbed.

‘Who? Loki? Did he scare you? I told him not to be an asshole to anyone.’ Natasha said angrily.

‘He… He’s the one. Who I dated before.’ She blurted out, making Pepper and Natasha go silent in shock.

‘But… how?’ Pepper asked.

‘I met him one night in a club. And we dated for eleven months. I was in love with him, utterly and completely. I thought he was with me too. But then he just vanished and never came back one day. Then a few months later, I saw him on the TV… I didn’t tell anyone it was him, because I thought no one would believe me anyway. And what did it matter? It wouldn’t change anything.’ Rosie blurted out between crying.

‘Oh, Rosie. I wish you had told me.’ Pepper pulled her into a hug and cradled her head against her. ‘It’s ok, shhh, shhh. It’s going to be ok.’

Natasha rubbed her back softly. ‘If we had known, we would have warned you he was coming here. I’m so sorry.’

Rosie shook her head and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. ‘No… It’s my fault, I should have told you. I just… it’s a shock to see him face to face.’

Natasha and Pepper nodded in understanding.

They stayed with her for a little while, then when she told them she was ok and was going to take a shower before bed, they left her to it.

But it ended up being the longest shower ever. She kept thinking about Loki and what they had together before.

Kept thinking of when they first met…

Rosie was super nervous when she walked into the BDSM club. But after months of talking herself into it, she finally had the courage to do it.

She didn’t dare tell any of her friends what she was into or what she was doing, perhaps foolish in a way as no one knew where she was. And she was on her own. But she was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Her friends wouldn’t understand.

She relaxed a tiny bit once she was there, noticing other people on their own as well. Getting a few drinks down her helped with her nerves too.

Some of the people she spoke to briefly were really nice. She met a lovely couple at the bar who asked if it was her first time there. They told her if she needed anything to feel free to ask them, not to be shy. That everyone there was really nice and friendly.

There were various demos on that she watched, there was a lot more to some scenes than met the eye. It really made her realise how on sites such as Fetlife and others, it was easy to get sucked into the wanna-be-Dom’s who likely had no idea what they were doing. Or how much safety came into it all.

‘Excuse me, I don’t mean to bother you but I was wondering if you’d like to join me for a drink?’ A beautiful voice came from beside her when one of the demos on aftercare just finished.

Rosie turned and her breath was taken from her as she gazed up at an incredibly tall and handsome man.

‘I… I… Yeah, I would like that, thank you.’ Rosie stammered out, nodding over enthusiastically.

He grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth as he put his hand out towards her. ‘My name is Loki.’ He introduced.

‘I’m Rosie.’ She smiled up at him and put her hand into his. That’s when she noticed his gorgeous hands, so big and he had such long fingers. She blushed hard when he raised her hand up and he kissed the back of it, making her skin tingle like crazy.

‘Pleasure to meet you, Rosie.’ He said charmingly.

Loki gave her his arm and led her over to a free table near the bar. She was really nervous, and Loki could tell. But he soon had her at ease, just chatting away to her calmly and making her laugh almost straight away. She slowly began to relax in his presence.

‘Is this your first time here?’ He asked after buying them both another drink.

‘Is it that obvious?’ She cringed, making him chuckle.

‘Kind of. You did look a bit like a deer in the headlights. But that’s normal for first timers.’ Loki winked at her.

‘So, I’m guessing that means you’ve been here before?’

‘It does.’ He nodded. ‘Not often, it’s probably my fourth visit. Mainly just trying to meet new people, meet anyone that may potentially be interested in a Daddy Dom.’

Rosie’s eyes widened and she suddenly fell shy again as she looked down at her glass and swallowed hard. Loki raised an eyebrow, instantly realising that she was a little. He suspected she was a sub, but hadn’t been sure about the little aspect or not.

Loki leaned forward over the table towards her a little more. ‘Let me take a quick stab in the dark here… But I am presuming that you are a little?’

Her mouth opened and closed again. Then she just opted for nodding in response instead of trusting her voice to actually work.

Loki smiled softly. ‘Nothing to be shy about, sweetheart. That’s why lots of people come to these clubs, to meet their person.’

‘I… I guess so.’ She agreed.

They continued to talk for over an hour, not much about BDSM which Rosie found quite pleasant. He didn’t seem to want to jump straight in so quickly, which in turn made her trust him more and relax.

At the end of the night, Loki handed over a small card with his number on it. ‘There’s absolutely no pressure at all. But I’ve really enjoyed my night with you, Rosie. I would love to take you out on a date, perhaps out for lunch Saturday? But there’s no pressure, I don’t need an answer right now. Just text or call me to let me know. But if I don’t hear from you, that’s ok too. I totally understand.’

Rosie’s heart was racing. Could he get any more considerate? He wasn’t pressuring her at all, not asking for her number. Not even expecting her to contact him if she didn’t want to go on a date with him. Not even needing an answer straight away, what a gentleman.

Loki walked her outside the club and hailed a taxi for her, he even paid in advance for her, not taking no for an answer.

‘I just want to make sure I know you’ll get home safely. And I can’t help it, it’s the protective Daddy in me.’ He shrugged and chuckled, making her giggle shyly.

‘Thank you, Loki.’ She smiled widely at him as she got into the taxi and he closed the door for her once she was in.

He waved her off and she couldn’t stop smiling the whole way home.

Of course, she did text him the following morning to say she would love nothing more than to go on a date with him on Saturday. If that was still what he wanted, too.

Loki replied within a minute, with a time and a place for their first date.

-

‘How DARE you!’ Pepper roared at Loki and launched for him, slapping him across the face. It barely made him flinch, but he clenched his jaw as he glared at her.

Everyone was surprised at Pepper’s outburst.

‘Woah, what did he do?’ Bruce asked.

‘HE is the one that broke my cousin’s heart. She was head over heels in love with you, asshole. Then you just disappeared on her, left her alone without even an explanation. No note, nothing.’ She snarled at him.

Loki narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Not that it’s any of your business, but I did what was right. To protect her. She was better off without me.’

‘You did NOT do what was right. You have no idea what you’ve put her through this past year, how heartbroken she was. Still is!’ Pepper screeched.

Loki faltered. ‘Still is? Did she not find another, she’s a beautiful, incredible woman. How could she not find ano’

‘You are such a fucking idiot!’ Pepper screeched angrily and so wanted to slap him again, but she knew it was pointless.

The guys around him all put their face into their hands.

‘What?’ Loki asked, looking around.

‘That’s a low blow, man. Not even leaving her a note.’ Said Tony.

‘I… I thought I was doing the right thing.’ Loki said, looking at Thor.

Thor nodded. ‘I did not realise that your Rose was this Rosie… But yes, Loki thought he was doing right by her. He was in love with her, adored her. Never shut up about her. But when he discovered his true heritage on a short visit home, he decided not to go back to her. In fear of hurting her.’ Thor explained.

Pepper ran her hands down her face.

‘Well, you failed on that. You probably hurt her more by not at least saying you were over. You have no idea what she’s been through this last year.’ Pepper shook her head in disgust at Loki.

The team all murmured between them and left the room, leaving Loki with Thor.

For the first time in a long time, Thor saw his real brother back. He saw true emotion on his face again, sorrow and guilt.

‘I… I did not mean to hurt her.’ Loki said, still a bit confused. ‘I loved her, Thor… I do love her. I never stopped thinking about her, never loved another.’ He whispered.

Thor sighed and walked over to him, patting his shoulder. ‘I know, brother. I know.’

Loki thought back to the first time she had called him Daddy. How much it made his heart happy that she trusted and wanted him so much…

Rosie and Loki were snuggling on the sofa together, watching some cartoons that she loved. Loki wasn’t overly fond of them, but it made her happy so he always obliged. He was just happy to have her on his lap, comfortable and relaxed in his arms. Where she belonged.

He was lightly stroking her back underneath her top, making her skin tingle. She was in utter heaven, and Loki couldn’t get enough of just simply touching her. He needed touch in some way, whether he was just holding her hand or had the tips of his fingers on her skin, he needed and craved the intimacy with her.

Loki’s fingers trailed a bit too far to her side and up a little, making her squirm and giggle.

‘Daddy, that tickles!’ She laughed and tried to grab his hand to stop him.

But he had already stopped, freezing at what she said. That was the first time she had called him that, even in little space.

The biggest smile spread across his face and he buried his face into her hair and squeezed her tightly to him.

‘Sorry, my sweet little one. I forgot how ticklish you are.’ He purred.

[c4rdsharp]

     MISC. HEADCANONS

Luck suffers from chronic insomnia, and often spends many a night lying awake in bed, coming up with plans and working through situations in his mind. A lot of times, he gets up and does work or compulsively clean / organize objects in his room as a means of working off his restless energy. He spends most of the day feeling exhausted as a result. It’s not TOO uncommon for him to fall asleep at his desk sometimes.

The anxiety throughout his career causes him to suffer from psychosomatic symptoms, such as stomachaches & tension headaches. These normally don’t bother him though, and he tends to work through them without pause.

His favorite flowers are scarlet carnations & lavender.

He finds the scent of lavender to be very soothing. As a result, vases of lavenders are very common to be found in his office and his apartment, wherever he goes to regularly work, read, or relax.

If one were to describe his OWN scent, it’s a strange mix of cologne, cigarette smoke, and the lavender he regularly sits besides.

He taught himself how to play piano for the benefit of his brother, Keith. However, Luck dislikes playing in front of crowds and will only do so in a small company of people he already trusts.

As social as he is, he’s remarkably stage shy and finds being the center of too much attention panic - inducing.

While he doesn’t have them as frequently nowadays, Luck was often prone to panic attacks as a child – either because of overstimulation or intense anxiety. These were particularly bad when he was a teenager, although he keeps that to himself. He tries to minimize the knowledge of such things, so others don’t take advantage of it.

He does in fact write poetry! However, these are so deeply personal Luck never lets other people read them, not even his older brothers. In fact, it’s not even really known that Luck writes poetry outside of reading it.

As a kid, Luck really liked small, tight spaces and would hide in them as a means of escaping the chaos that was his household. This could include closets, underneath the kitchen sink, attic spaces, support beam intersections, and underneath tables. While he has now grown far out of the habit, he sometimes does wish there was a place he could just crawl into and forget the world.

Luck is particular about the fabric of his clothes, and despises tags, often hyperaware of how they scratch against his otherwise unexposed skin. Whenever he purchases clothes, he always cuts the tags off them while at home.

He can recite word - for - word various passages of novels and poems. These tend to stick with him for whatever reason, and he finds text to be the easiest way of remembering things.

Luck was as avid a reader as he was as a kid due to a variety of factors : reading was calming, he loved to learn, and it was one of the few hobbies where he didn’t feel quite so misunderstood. There were many characters he could relate to in novels, and to this day, he still finds a certain comfort in reading his own pain in words.

Luck likes a challenge. He likes going into something he finds difficult, scraping his hands & knees, digging until his fingers start to bleed, because the triumph & victory is worth it in the end. There’s a reward in doing well by working hard for him, and it’s part of the reason why he enjoys the work he does. While he doesn’t begrudge people who prefer to take things easy, he has a hard time relating to them as a person.

His favorite animals are birds, although he has a particular soft spot for cats, rabbits, frogs, and snakes. Dogs, however, are too energetic for him and he can find their love / need of affection suffocating.

He loves horror & supernatural - based stories. In a modern setting, Luck would be the type to enjoy analogue horror and read various entries of the SCP Foundation. In fact, he’s probably submitted a few himself!

Interestingly enough, although romantic & fairytale like movies aren’t his preference, he does actually enjoy The Princess Bride.

He’s picky about them, but I do see Luck being the type to enjoy certain video games : visual novels, puzzle games, adventure games, etc. He tends to avoid any games that rely heavily on firearms, modern settings, and intense graphics. He leans heavily towards stylized or fantasy - esque games. Because of his love of working through challenges, I can see Luck strangely getting into Elden Ring. That being said, his original love is Zelda.

[writingsfromhome]

Water under the Bridge (Josslyn II)

A/N: Okay! Here it is!!!! This was fun and made my heart hurt a little but maybe I’m just being emotional. And can you guys believe it’s been over a year since I posted Josslyn?? Where has the time gone?? I don’t think we’re on the sacred timeline anymore........Anyway thank you anon who suggested this storyline, and hope y’all enjoy! <3

Josslyn (Original)

------

We’re going to have the best weekends evr, Regan texts me even though she’s just in the other room. Schedules were released for our summer semester and Regan and I had managed to get Fridays off. Summer was going to be so fun, and after two years doing college together we were experts at managing our workload to have fun on the weekends--even if that meant sacrificing a few nights’ sleep.

We’ll make summer our bitch, I text back. I hear a chuckle from her room.

Help me pick out a fit? she texts. I want to tell her Adam would love her in whatever, but I head to her room instead and watch her try on a dozen outfits before settling on the second. I tease her about Adam--they were going steady since first year, but she still got so nervous about him sometimes. Adam’s college was a train ride away so he would come down at least one weekend a month.

As for my own love life, there’d been no one steady. I did the whole hooking up and dating scene in first year but I was romantically burnt out by second. Nowadays, I could go home with someone if I chose to, but I also didn’t mind if I didn’t. My active endeavor to find a boyfriend had stopped when I realized I was trying to fill a gap. Instead, I was learning to be happy on my own.

“Are you sure I can’t convince you?” Regan asks. She was taking the train to Adam’s college and staying with him, there was this big start-of-summer party and she’d been trying to convince me for weeks.

“I don’t feel like being a third wheel,” I tell her honestly.

“You don’t have to!” She goes over her one argument again. “Gaelle’s roommate isn’t even back until next week so she has a spare room! She said you should come. Plus,” she ties her hair up, “it’s the weekend before the semester starts so have some fun.”

I make a noise, and she turns to look at me, totally judging me. It makes me laugh. “That’s why my version of fun is to.binge Netflix and-”

“Y/N!” She groans.

“Fine! I’ll go.”

Two words that would change everything.

***

By the time we get to the campus, Regan and I had come up with a dozen things we could potentially do this summer. I’m high on excitement as we meet up with Gaelle, and the three of us head to Adam’s place.

The sun is almost set by the time we leave, most of the sky is dark but a streak of orange stays stubbornly on the horizon. I pause to take pictures before we’re rushing off.

We approach the frat house--if you could call it that. It was half glass with a very modern structure. The greek symbol on the side of the house was the only indicator it wasn’t a millionaire’s summer-house.

“Since when did frat houses get so modern?” I ask. “This is...nice.”

“Wait ‘til you see inside,” Adam says. And he was right, even the drinks were fancier with their own guy behind the bar...although he was taking the occasional shot and getting progressively drunk.

We settle in an area close to the music and get swept up into the party atmosphere. Some people were beyond drunk already and I enjoyed the slight buzz of the drink in my hand. The views from inside with floor-to-ceiling windows were amazing.

Pretty soon, Adam and Regan break off. We move towards the centre of the party where the typical party shenanigans were happening. We tip back our drinks and pretty soon I’m straddling the line between tipsy and drunk. I find a cute boy with blonde hair and deep brown eyes and makeout with him until he gets too handsy.

“Ugh!” I give him one last shove and look for Gaelle but I’d lost her too. I search for a bathroom but they’re either occupied or have a lineup. This was a huge ass house, one of the bedrooms had to have one.

I open the first door to shouting.

“It’s called locking the door!” I shout drunkenly as I close it. The next room actually is locked, and the next one isn’t but I wish it was. “Eugh.”

I climb up to the topmost level, three doors--one was locked with the sound of people inside and the second is a bathroom. I was grateful people hadn’t made it up this far.

As I wash up, and touch up the mascara that was crusting under my eyes the door shakes as someone bangs on it from the other side.

“Dip! What the fuck are you doing in there? Everyone’s waiting for you!”

My heart pounds at the sudden noise and the deep voice demanding me to open up. The rush of adrenaline sobers me for a moment as I rush to open the door, “Sorry I didn’t realise anyone was...waiting.”

My words slow down and freeze altogether as I realise the fist banging on the door belonged to...him. Harry. He seems just as surprised as me, straightening up before a smile slowly inches across his face, it was almost sweet bordering on predatory. “Y/N!”

“Hi,” I say awkwardly. There was a lot of history and also not at all. I was also, I decide, too drunk for this. Act sober, this is not the night to run into this fucker.

“You-you’re the last person I was expecting to--excuse me it’s... good to see you! You look--you look as beautiful as ever!”

The events from high school that created this tense history between Harry and I was one of the worst things possible to happen to teenage Y/N. The thing is though, that I’d totally bounced back after I had decided he could fuck himself. Although it was awkward seeing him every day until graduation, it made me tougher. I credit it for making me so casual about relationships now...I stopped expecting so much of the boys I saw.

But leaving high school behind, my world expanded with college, I realised how childish it had all been: I’d had a fling with a player, and he’d played the field...It wasn’t that deep. But seeing him now, It made me aware in a way I wasn’t for a long time. Maybe what they said about distance had some merit. Or maybe I was just buzzed.

“Thanks...I wasn’t expecting you either.”

“You don’t uh, you don’t go here do you? I’ve never seen you around.”

“No,” I look out to the small hall but there’s no one there. The room that was previously locked is slightly ajar carrying male voices. “Adam goes here, I’m...with Regan.”

“Ah, Regan.” He smiles. “You’re still two peas in a pod?”

“Obviously,” The stiffness eases at the mention of my best friend. “So...can I get out of here?”

“Yeah sorry,” he moves aside so I can step into the hall. “Um, we’re playing video games in here room if you...you’re probably not interested.”

I clear my throat, Harry was playing video games when there was a party downstairs? I was curious, that maybe he changed.

“Oh,” he laughs and the dimples I adored make an appearance. “I’ve still got it! My frat just hosts too many parties for me to keep track.”

I guess I said that out loud, I bite my tongue but it really has a life of it’s own. “Did you jussay you still got it?” Oh my god, I was teasing him already. What about Harry made me absolute putty.

“Yeah,” he looks almost bashful. “Uhm, go easy I’m a little nervous here Y/N.”

I don’t know what to say to that, I bite my lip so nothing stupid comes out.

“So you’re just here for the night?” He carries on.

“Staying over with a friend,”

“A fr-” he cuts himself off, pressing his lips together. I realize I’m staring and look away.

“I should go-”

“Wait I-wait uh, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in years.”

“Yea,” I play with the rings on my fingers. “M’good, great. College’s a lot better than high school.”

“It’s not even comparable,” Harry says as he leans his shoulder against the wall. He looks perfectly placed there, and a tipsy voice flashes inappropriate thoughts into my head. “So...any...boyfriends?”

“Um,” that was direct. “No. No, I’m trying out being single...”

“Did something happen?” His expression is still casual but he holds himself rigid.

“No? A girl can’t be single?”

“Sure but someone like you...I’m just surprised.”

“Whatever that means,” I roll my eyes and head past him to go down but he blocks my way.

“Wait, I didn’t mean to offend you...” his voice dies out as I cross my arms. “I also didn’t mean to block you in.”

He steps aside and it feels painful to me but I take the small steps towards the staircase. One part of me--I blame the tipsy stupid part, wants to kiss him just to see if there was still something there, see if anything’s changed. The other was listing all the reasons this was an awful idea, to top it off he was a proven player, has broken my trust once before, and went to a school almost 2 hours from mine.

“Y/N,” Harry’s gruff voice says from behind me. My feet turn without permission and he’s right behind me. “M’sorry. Let me start over.”

I glance at his lips, damn. I can’t meet his eye suddenly. Oh god, I was still pretty tipsy. My mind short-circuits and all I can do is turn back to walk away, down the two sets of stairs, past sweaty bodies and loose limbs. In a great coincidence I bump into Gaelle in what looks like a game room.

“Harry goes here?” I ask--shout at her immediately. Her eyes widen, something passes over her face. “Was no one going to tell me he was going to be here?”

“I’m sorry!” She shouts. “I forgot you two had history!”

“I just wish I was prepared,” I say and she doesn’t hear, I just shake my head when she asks me to repeat. I needed another drink, and Regan. Maybe she could remind me why I stopped caring about him.

As I set off to find her, I’m reminded again how stupid this all was. High school was an ancient dream, we were all different people. I was a different person.

But even though what happened in high school was petty and juvenile, I remember how Harry made me feel. How it felt when we were together--even if it was a joke for him back then, I couldn’t forget the feeling of being seen. Of having arms to fall into, even if I knew they weren’t permanent.

“Regan!” I find her sitting on the dining table while Adam spoke with someone else. Her eyes alight and she waves me over. “I saw him! He...he goes here!”

“Who?” Confusion strings her brows together.

“Harry! From...you know Harry! He was upstairs! I--I didn’t know how to act.”

“Shit Harry! I forgot he went here!”

“You knew?” I throw my hands up.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal! He’s a dick but that was high school?”

“No I-” I sigh. “You’re supposed to tell me he’s still a dick! I saw him and it just got...complicated.”

Regan slides off the table and pulls me into a side hug, we can also hear each other better. “You’re a big kid now, do whatever you want Y/N. Tell him off, kiss his face, take revenge, who the fuck cares? We’re taking the train two hours home after this anyway!”

She had a point. But still...he couldn’t have changed much from the boy who hurt me.

“Adam hangs out with him sometimes,” Regan continues. “Apparently he’s not as bad as high school. He’s...mellowed out.”

“Unreal,” I roll my eyes. Adam was just covering for his friend. We hear a cheer go up behind us and Regan bulges her eyes as two guys help Adam up on his hands to do a keg stand.

Regan swears and heads back to him. I walk away, somehow feeling more and less confused after talking to Regan--do I go back up and see what this leftover emotion was, or ignore it as a drunken need for comfort?

But it’s like the decision is made for me when a hand wraps around my arm as I move from the dining area to the kitchen. I already know it’s him before I turn.

“Can we talk?” he asks. I nod and his grip loosens, slipping down into my palm. “Upstairs?” He motions to the staircase and we climb up the two flights. This time he leads me into one of the locked doors and although I’ve never been here, I’d been in some version of this room before. It’s familiar.

I ignore the ache when he lets go of my hand once we’re inside. I set my drink down on his desk and perch on the window ledge, it’s not big enough to sit on but has enough space for a few of his books and a speaker. His room’s pretty near, but then again Harry was never messy.

“So what do you want-” I start just as he says “Let me get this off my chest.”

“Go ahead,” I cross my arms before uncrossing them, and then crossing them again. With the way he ruffles his hair and crosses to the door and back, he seems just as nervous.

“You can leave at any time. I just want to say I was an asshole, I still kind of am sometimes. And I’m sorry for what I did to you. I know it’s like what--2 years late but all that with...Josslyn and all that...I’m sorry.”

Hearing her name makes me want to grind my teeth but I let the feeling pass. I reach for my drink instead to give me something to do. “It’s all water under the bridge.”

“Really?” Harry regards me suspiciously. “Because the way you were talking to me out there...”

“You’re just you,” I shrug. “Harry Styles, player and sweet-talker. I was just guarding myself against that.”

“Because of what happened between us?”

“No...maybe. I don’t know. But honestly, I’m not upset with you. It feels like an eternity ago. I guess it’s just self-preservation.”

“I guess,” he echoes. “So where does that leave us? If you’re all self-preserved?”

I eye him but he cracks a smile, he was teasing me. “It doesn’t have to leave us anywhere,” I snort. “We’re water under the bridge Harry...”

“My parents split,” he says suddenly and I’m reeling with the direction he’s taken. I open my mouth, and close it when nothing comes out. “Sorry, I know that’s random it’s just I never really talked to anyone about how they were rarely home and when they were they were always arguing a-and we spoke about it a lot. About our families so I just...”

“I’m sorry to hear that, do they still live in town?” I ask, wanting to put my hand on his or show him I cared but they stay glued to my drink.

“My mom moved into the city, it’s closer to her job and since I’m not living at home anymore it doesn’t really matter...”

“You still go home?” I ask.

“I don’t even know where home is?” He looks at me then, and the look in his eyes chips at the wall I’d been trying to build all night. Things had changed, for him.

“Are you--do you have someone to talk to?”

His laugh is dry, “They split last summer, convinced me to talk to some therapist. I don’t know if it really helped I think I’m actually better off. They’re better off and I just feel...free.”

I don’t know what to say to that so I stay quiet. He looks back up at me then, cracks his knuckles, before perching on his bed. “I’m just--sorry I’m not telling you that so you can feel sorry for me-”

“I don’t I just-”

“No it’s okay I just want to tell you that because you knew about that stuff. But I’m trying to tell you I’m not the same guy. Not completely, I’m just trying to tell you things changed and so have I.”

It echoes the same sentiment I had earlier in his conversation, and I remember Regan said he’s mellowed out. Maybe it was true. It still didn’t mean I was going to get together with him anytime soon but my heart hurts for him. I walk up to where he sits, he watches me with a steady gaze.

In the quiet, I hear the party going on outside the window, three floors below us. If I listen really carefully, I can hear sounds coming from the video game being played next door. In the stillness, I reach for Harry’s hand and he obliges, grasping mine.

“I wish I could...help you with the hurt. Not knowing where to call home is pretty shitty.”

“Don’t worry about me Y/N,” he pastes on his classic smile and I return one for his sake. It was getting heavy in here. “I’m just happy I got to talk to you. And I just found out you don’t hate me so...” he holds our intertwined hands and shakes it. “woo hoo!” I laugh as we let go.

“I guess I should go back to the party.”

“Yeah, okay. I won’t keep you.”

“Okay,” I’m a little stung he doesn’t suggest I stay a little longer. Maybe it was all in my head, maybe his intentions really were to make amends and that’s it. I pick my drink up from his windowsill and move to the door. I glance back before I go, he’s laying on his bed deep in thought, gazing up at the ceiling. I close the door behind me.

***

I wake the next morning, surprisingly well. I can’t say the same for Gaelle who’d passed me her keys at some point and told me she’d be home late. I spent the rest of the party trailing Regan until I decided I should just go crash. Harry hadn’t come out to find me, and I tried to hide the sour feeling, excusing myself early.

“Fuck me,” Gaelle croaks from her bed when I step into her open doorway.

“How about coffee, and pancakes?” I ask, returning the favor of being able to sleep here.

“I’ll take it,” she flops back into bed. I busy myself with measuring coffee and water, my thoughts occupied with everything Harry and I had been through since we last saw each other. I demonized him for so long, humanizing him is harder to swallow.

What he’d done to me was shitty, there was no denying. But had he really changed? And most importantly, why did I care so much? It’s not like he was the one.

My phone rings: Regan. She’s talking so fast I hardly hear her, only really understand that it was a party ritual to gather in the student centre the morning after a big party. Endless coffee and free food seemed to be the general consensus for a party cure.

“I don’t know if I can make it there,” Gaelle says when I tell her. “I was hoping for pancakes at home.”

“I already put the coffee on but I’m hauling your ass there if you’re not up in 5. Our train leaves after noon anyway and it’s closer to the college.”

Slowly but surely Gaelle emerges and we make our way, spotting Regan easily as the bright spot in a sea of college students in PJs and last night’s clothing. She’s the only one fully dressed, with a full face of makeup on.

“I didn’t drink that much,” she shrugs when we settle around her and Adam’s friends. “Unlike some people.” She looks pointedly at Adam who’s slumped where he sits. I remember the kegger and laugh.

Life soon flows back into the group around us as does the coffee and breakfast foods. I’m relaxed in the environment until I look down the tables to where Harry stands, looking back at me. He raises a hand and I do the same until an extremely tall angel--she was literally wearing a halo, probably from last night-walks up to him and wraps her hands around his waist. She says something to him and he tears his gaze away.

I look down at my cup immediately, my cheeks burning with humiliation. I’d been thinking about him all this time, thinking about how it might feel if I kissed him and of course he had a girlfriend. She never came up, but he never said he didn’t either. He didn’t make any moves on me yesterday, if I looked at it he only made an attempt to talk. Sure he was flirty but that was just Harry and I...I was a fool. I was such a fool. Things may have changed for him but he hadn’t. He was still the same Harry who chose Josslyn over me. He would always have a girlfriend, I was just the girl from his past who he could trust. I couldn’t say the same about him.

“What’s wrong,” my best friend nudges me. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I don’t know,” I look into her concerned eyes. “I’m just going to--I’ll be right back.”

I head out and find the closest washroom. The tears are instant and I let myself cry--out of frustration, humiliation, or some twisted sense of betrayal...it was all the same for me. I check the time, I just had to hold myself together and avoid Harry for another 2 hours before we were back on the train home. I would tell Regan everything then.

*** Three weeks later ***

“If Adam’s over later...” Regan trails off. She’s sprawled on my bed while I sit in my desk chair trying to read one more chapter before I close the books for the week.

“I have my earplugs ready and a second place to stay,” I roll my eyes. “I already told Kiara I might crash on her couch.”

“I owe you,” she jumps back up.

“You owe me like, 7 and a half.”

“7 and a half?”

I’m about to answer but a knock on our door has her racing out. I try to ignore the voices, I just had two more pages I had to get through--the joy of summer classes.

“Y/N?: Regan’s voice is a whisper. “We’re going now but...you have a guest. If you want me to kick his ass I totally can though.”

Standing behind her is Harry. I focus on him, yes it really was him. Why was he here?

“Harry?” I sound confused because I am. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans, and he’d traveled 2 hours just to get here.

“He wouldn’t leave me alone,” Adam says louder as they leave the room. “I’m sorry Y/N...”

“What is this?” I ask. My feelings are at war with each other, I was still feeling slighted by the last time we saw each other but seeing his face was also an exciting surprise.

“I wanted to see you,” Harry says nervously. He still stays at my bedroom door.

“You can come in...” I stand up and realize I was wearing an oversize t-shirt and the scruffiest PJ shorts I owned. “Phones have cameras now, you didn’t have to come all this way.”

He shrugs, taking one step in. “I liked seeing you in person last time. But I feel like we left it wrong.”

He knows I saw him, what conclusions I must have come to. It wouldn’t be that hard. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We talked it out.”

He comes to life, “Don’t play dumb Y/N I know you saw me with...I know what you thought and-”

“Did you really come all this way to explain that you had a girlfriend? Like, three weeks later?”

“No that’s the thing-”

“Because that’s kind of dumb. And unnecessary-”

“No listen!” He says a bit louder so I do. “The thing is she wasn’t my girlfriend...we’d hung out a few times but she saw me at the caf and got clingy. We’re not an item honestly, I can’t remember the last time I had a girlfriend-.”

“So why are you here?” My voice is higher than usual. I was confused, and upset, and I wanted him to leave. This was starting to sound like Josslyn part 2.

“You know why I’m here. Y/N I’ve been nothing but a dick to you and I know I don’t deserve you but I really like you. I want to clear the air, and ask you if you can see something here I...”

He trails off when he notices the tears trailing down my cheek. It’s just too much for me, as I finally face the emotions from that weekend. I’d shoved them aside after Regan had gotten onto the train worried her and Adam were headed towards a breakup. I’d put aside what happened and never thought about it. But my heart broke a little that morning. 

I knew what I knew: maybe Harry and I weren’t good for each other but we were good with each other. In an attempt not to get hurt I’ve been distancing myself from romantic connections--I found more of myself in doing this, but a part of me was missing without exploring it.

Harry moved closer until we’re nearly touching. I wipe my tears with my shoulder and we stand still on the hardwood floors of my room. An eternity passes before he reaches out to wipe the tear caught in my lashes. I close my eyes to his touch, scared of how much I wanted it.

“Y/N,” my name is a breath on his lips and it makes my heart stutter. My eyes open in slow motion, seeing him so vulnerable right in front of me, and suddenly things speed up and we’re reaching for each other; two waves crashing until they become one.

***

I don’t know how much time had passed in minutes, Adam and Regan are still out but Harry and I had fallen together and crashed apart so many times that I’m dizzy with it.

“You’re wonderful,” he says as we face each other, our noses just nearly touching. He trails a finger down my cheek. “Just...incredible.”

I feel the flush spread through me, “Great vocab Styles. We’re really using the big words.”

“Words are sort of hard right now,” he grins. “My brain’s all mush.”

I laugh, “Not much different to its usual state!”

“I knew you were going to say that!” he tries to reach for me but I skip off the bed with a laugh. “Come back.”

“I have to pee,” I slip on pants and can’t stop grinning the whole time I’m away. When I come back in, the blissful smile on his face tells me everything I need to know. I climb over him but he stops me in place, a knee on either side of his hips.

“I’m happiest when I’m with you Y/N,” he says, his voice roughened with emotion. “I think I always was. Younger Harry liked to self-sabotage.”

I bend down and my hair slips around us. The way he looks at me makes my insides mush. And even though I have proof of why I shouldn’t trust him, he’s here. In my bed. Miles away from where he would be if he hadn’t traveled all this way to see me. And that means something.

“I’m glad you’ve done some growing,” I say to him quietly.

“I had to,” he says softly. “I couldn’t have you like I do now if I hadn’t.”

“I guess we’ve both grown,” I brush a curl from his forehead.

“I know, old Y/N would have punched me if I showed up unexpectedly.”

“Rightly so,” I grin. He smiles back, brushing my hair behind my ear, back over my shoulder. He props himself on his elbow to kiss the shoulder he’d bared. It’s simple, and sweet, but it’s enough to unravel me all over again. And he knows it.

“When does Regan get home?”

“We might have another half hour,” I grin.

“Let’s not waste it,” he mumbles into my skin.

I agree.

[perriewinklenerdie]

Married (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Claire Herondale

Word count: 2,4 k

Summary: Parts of Ines’s wedding told from Ethan’s perspective feat. E&C dancing, staring at each other during the wedding, basically being a married couple and everyone calling them out for it. OH3 Chapter 11 added content.

Warnings: None, it’s fluff town all the way

A/N: I feel scammed by PB. All the golden opportunities - wasted. So I fixed it.

His shoes sank a bit in the sand as he began walking towards the venue. More and more people were beginning to arrive, sounds of conversation and laughter increasing by the minute. He recognized his coworkers with ease and approached them. The first to notice him is Tobias, his eyebrow arching slightly at the sight of him.

“You came alone? Where’s Herondale?” he asked, looking over Ethan’s shoulder to search for the blonde resident.

“She helped me fix my tie, then kicked me out of our room. And refused to let me see the dress.” He explained, shrugging with a helpless laugh. Harper laughed along with him, clapping her hands gently.

“That’s wife behavior. Are you sure you two aren’t married?”

“Dude, if you two eloped, I’m not going to be working out with you anymore.” Bryce chimed in, acting as though he was offended, a serious look overtaking his face.

“Where would you- why would you- “ Ethan started stumbling over his words, realizing only after a moment that everyone was smirking at him teasingly. He huffed, fighting a blush that creeped onto his cheeks anyway. “I see. You all think you’re funny.”

“You make it too easy, Ethan.” Harper giggled, shaking her head.

“And we know we’re funny, Ethan.” His mentor put his hand on his shoulder sympathetically.

“Hilarious, even.” Baz added.

A small sound of an incoming message caused everyone to stop talking. Sienna unlocked her phone, her eyes scanning the screen.

“Claire just texted me a photo of her in a dress.”

Immediately, everyone jumped to her side, long before Ethan could even move his finger. Once he woke up from the daze, he took a step towards the young doctor that he considered his friend. Zaid stopped him in his tracks with a hand pressed to his shoulder.

“She said to not let you see the photo.”

“Why?”

Her voice rang from behind him. “I wanted to see your reaction myself.”

Ethan turned around and, at once, his breath caught in his throat. His gaze dropped to her shoes and dragged up her body slowly. The gentle flow of her skirt, pink silk that he knew for sure would almost spill through his fingers. The bodice, snug against her chest, accentuating her curves and making his male brain run wild. Careful to not linger on her chest too long – he would not get crap from their friends for this – he finally looked at her face. She was grinning smugly with a bit of a nervous spark.

He stepped up to her, resting his hand on the dip of her waist, tracing the floral patterns under his touch. With his other hand, he grasped hers in a gentle manner, raising it to press a warm kiss to her fingers.

“You’re taking my breath away.” he muttered, staring at her intensely.

“Hypoxia is dangerous, maybe I should go.” Claire teased, leaning away a fraction of an inch. He immediately pushed on her back to stop her, their personal spaces merging.

“Not having you by my side is fatal.” He dropped his voice to a low rumble, her grin melting into the soft smile. Their lips met in a slow kiss, no heat to it, just pure emotions.

They remained like that for a prolonged moment, his hands carefully pressing her to his chest. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, making their bodies move in a swaying motion.

Jackie burst their bubble. “You, lovebirds, the brides are about to arrive, cut it out.”

Ethan pressed his lips to Claire’s one last time, then leaned away. Their noses brushed against one another as their eyes met. He whispered gently. “I’ll come find you after the ceremony.”

She pecked his cheek sweetly. “Can’t wait.”

--

He wasn’t particularly a fan of weddings. He wasn’t invited to a lot of them, either. If combined with his dislike for big social gatherings, one would come to the conclusion that Ethan Ramsey was miserable right in that moment.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

As Ines and Angie exchange vows and talk about their love for each other, his eyes find Claire. Sitting in her chair across the aisle, she’s holding Sienna’s hand and passing her a tissue. She’s all anyone could ever ask for, and the mere sight of her makes him fall down into the void of memories.

How far he’s come as a person. A cynic that dreaded what a new year would bring along with a new batch of interns. A man that had only two people in his life that he could call friends. A man that went to the bar every night to forget the day behind him, only to go back to his empty apartment. All of that was so long ago that he barely recognized that version of himself anymore. He was so different now.

He smiled more. Laughed, even, and found that he didn’t find stupid jokes Lahela made all the time half as annoying as he once did. He didn’t spend every waking moment at work. Instead, he enjoyed his time off. Still at a bar, but not to drink away his worries. Not alone – not anymore.

Now, he had someone to come home to.

Claire shook her head as she laughed at what Zaid said and Ethan’s heartbeat quickened. They grew together as people too, and along with that, their relationship evolved.

From the night they spent together in the NICU, when her head slowly fell onto his shoulder and he couldn’t find a single cell in his body to tell him to lean away. Because he wanted her to be close. It was the first moment in which he thought that maybe this brilliant woman was meant to be more to him than just an intern – and right after that, he squashed the idea back down.

Every hold of her hand, every silent sign of support, he cherished it all. Unknowingly falling deeper for the woman that would become the center of his universe before he realized what was happening.

Their kiss in Miami would be at the forefront of his mind in his every living second until he kissed her again. Growing stronger with each time his resolve broke and their lips met, softly or with wild abandonment.

The first time he could call her his – the first time he had her to himself. He knew in that moment that he was ruined for everyone else. No one would ever make him feel that way, ever again. He knew it damn well – and yet, he still fought against it.

Absence makes heart grow fonder. He now knew it was true. Months he spent away from her, keeping her at arm’s length, taught him as much. How could he deny those words when the moment he pulled her closer to him outside his apartment and their lips touched, he felt his mind go blank and his heart stop. He vowed to never let her leave again. To never lose her.

And then he almost did.

The thought alone made his muscles spasm, and he was a millisecond away from running to her side, just to feel her warmth and hear her heartbeat. Leaving her side now, even if only for a moment, even to do their job, caused a silent voice to go off in his head. A wave of panic usually followed, staying with him until he saw her again.

Thankfully, nowadays, she was within his reach most of the time. She never asked why he sometimes needed to pull her close and just hold onto her – she knew.

He felt the corners of his lips rise on their own accord. She was radiant in every second of every day. In that moment, she was the most beautiful person there. The idea that it was him that she continuously chose to be with, day after day, only made him smile wider.

This was it for him. He found his one and only, as cliché as that sounded – he knew it for sure. Guess weddings really did make people reflect on love after all.

Ethan was very much aware of how lovestruck he must have been looking in that moment. With his eyes on Claire, he was a picture of a man in love – and he was finally ready to admit that he was. He loved her.

Almost as though she could hear his thoughts, she turned around to look at him. Their eyes met and a brilliant smile bloomed on her face. His lips moved as he mouthed the words, her smile becoming gentler.

“I’m yours.”

She mouthed it right back to him.

--

Music wasn’t as obnoxious as he anticipated it to be. That didn’t, of course, mean that he condoned every dance move he saw the guests do. He decided to not complain, though – it was a day to be happy, he wouldn’t bring anyone down with his opinion on their questionable choices of moves.

Currently, he was seated by the table, nursing his whiskey. Mirani twins, Tobias and Naveen sat beside him, all five men watching their colleagues party with wine glasses in their hands.

“How long, do you think, will it take for one of them to break a glass?” Baz asked, leaning out of his seat to see his friends better. Zaid grinned, taking a sip of his drink.

“Any second now. And my bet is on Varma.”

“Why?” Tobias’s face twisted in confusion as he turned towards him, intrigued. Zaid shrugged.

“Because she can.”

Ethan tuned their conversation out, choosing instead to look at his girlfriend. She danced with Sienna, laughing as they sang along to the song. Her dress moved with her, flowing through the air elegantly. He felt the urge to stand up and walk up to her.

“Ramsey, you do know you can just walk up to her instead of sitting here and pining for her, right?” Tobias snickered, punching Ethan’s shoulder playfully. He scoffed, leaning away with a hint of a burn in his cheeks.

“I’m not pining for her.”

“You are.” All four of his companions replied.

He was so distracted by their words that he failed to notice an approaching form. Her hand landed on his shoulder softly, the tips of her nails scratching the back of his neck. Knowing who it was, he leaned into her touch, breathing out deeply.

“Sorry, gentlemen, but I’m stealing him.” she mused happily, dragging her hand down his arm until her fingers tangled with his. Ethan let her pull her up, looping his arm around her waist.

“Stealing is bad, Herondale.” Tobias shot back, moving his eyebrows suggestively at the couple. Claire opened her mouth to speak, but Ethan beat her to the punch.

“She can’t steal something that’s already hers.” He grinned at them, then turned towards her. Claire’s jaw dropped in surprise at his boldness, her posture softening enough for him to pull her away from the table, smirking. Faintly, he heard Tobias’s words.

“Married. For sure.”

Ethan’s arms wrapped around her, fingers hooked onto her hipbones. She threw her arms around his neck, staring up at him with a soft smile. A slow song began playing and one look at where the DJ was situated told them who was behind this change. Ines grinned at them, giving them thumbs up and a cheeky wink.

“Is it just me, or is everyone trying to tell us something?” Claire giggled, nuzzling her nose against his jaw. He kissed her nose gently.

“So, you noticed it too?”

“Kinda hard not to. Girls said we’re acting like a married couple at least twice today.” she traced the lapel of his jacket, laughing quietly at the recognition in his eyes.

“Guys did it too.” Ethan muttered, tightening his hold on her. She laid her head on his shoulder.

“And how does that make you feel?”

He was silent for a long while. They swayed to the song, tuning out everything else. To her surprise, he didn’t tense up – nothing about his posture spelled out the doubts he once told her he had.

“Not as terrified as it did before.”

Claire leaned back to look at him. Their eyes met, tender understanding in them. Ethan leaned down, capturing her lips in a kiss, perfectly soft and not nearly deep enough. She clutched his lapel in her fist, creasing the fabric with how strong her pull was. His fingers dug into her back, skipping past the coarser material of her bodice and gripping the soft silk of her skirt. A voice in the back of his head told him to loosen up the hold or he’ll mark the fabric, but the overwhelming need he felt for her overshadowed everything else and he couldn’t bring himself to let her go.

The song ended and with it, their kiss. Foreheads pressed together, they caught their breath, standing in the middle of the dancefloor. Blissfully unaware of how much attention they gathered with their tender moment.

Ethan opened his eyes and finally allowed his mind to register the music again. Some sort of a fast tune that made people around them go mad. His girlfriend stared at him with an unspoken question, and he got the meaning perfectly well.

With a definite move, he dipped her onto the floor. She giggled, the sound breaking through the loud music to reach his ears. Ethan smirked, throwing her back into his arms. With his lips against her ear, he mused hotly.

“I have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

Her leg wrapped around his thigh, pushing their bodies closer. His voice broke off and his breath shuddered at the way their bodies clashed and the suggestive smirk she sent his way. His hand fell to her ass, all inhibitions gone.

“Ethan!” she exclaimed, laughing at the carefree smile he gave her. He moved his hand a bit, albeit begrudgingly.

“Can you blame me? You’re irresistible.” He muttered, kissing the shell of her ear. Claire hummed, then twirled out of his hold and back into it, jumping into his arms with her legs wrapped around his hips. Ethan groaned deeply in his throat, making her smirk.

“I have a few tricks up my sleeve too.”

Notes

This is a part 2 to the Mile High Club fic. As I said, PB could have made the chapter so good with all the wedding themes that I’d lose my wig. Writers apparently don’t know how to do basic research into fiction themes, but that’s okay (kinda). It just means I have more material to work with.

Round two smut is coming soon. 

Thank you for reading! <3

Tagging separately

[lovemesomeharry]

SPELLS AND CURSES

That’s my piece for @hsogolden’s 5k writing challenge. I hope you guys like it as I tried to do something I would’ve never thought of! Thanks to @hsogolden for making such a fun challenge and letting my lame ass participate in it. 💕

And last but not least, I really don’t know my way around witchcraft, so I apologise in advance if something doesn’t make any sense. I’ve tried my best with the research but I really don’t know if anything’s accurate. So, please read it with caution. And I hope it’s still somewhat enjoyable :)

Used AU’s

Witch!Harry

Villain!Harry

Used prompts

“You don’t seem so excited.”

“Oh, for fucks sake!”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

Warnings: Smut, Curse Words, Witch stuff (obviously), death

Words: 36.4k (it’s a long one)

Summary: Harry and Y/N never thought of seeing each other again but Harry needs help and Y/N is more clueless to his true intentions than she thought.

It was a quiet night, maybe even too quiet for what the Brit was usually used to. The chilly wind was hitting him in the face while he was walking towards the source of noise, drowning out the laughter and talks of the few people on the streets. The club, where he was headed, was awfully full, compared to the rest of the city and if it was up to him, he wouldn’t even be there. Why would he want to anyway? Something about crowded places with only sweaty, smelly, and intoxicated people never sounded extremely comfortable to him. Especially if the music was blasting in his ears, almost making them bleed, with the same obnoxious songs on repeat the whole night. After witnessing the greatest times of music, he was convinced that nowadays artists had no idea what they were doing and most of the time, their music wasn’t as good as they made it out to be. That’s why he preferred much more to get drunk in a small group of friends and sometimes even small parties or gatherings but not large clubs, as he wasn’t able to switch the music whenever he pleased, or was constantly sorrohnded by strangers who knew no personal space.

But to have fun was not the purpose of him being there and he needed to focus if he wanted to get the job done. So, he couldn’t distract himself by buying endless drinks of hoping he’d get a bit intoxicated, even if it meant to only be tipsy. His head had to be fully in the moment.

When he tried to walk through the door, the tall and bulky bouncer was already grabbing him by his arm, yanking him backward with no effort. Harry didn’t expect of him to just let him sneak inside. He very much hoped that he wouldn’t, as a playful smirk crept on his face. He knew he was going to love what was about to happen.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked in a monotone voice, trying his best to come off as strong and scary while Harry tried his best to stiffen his laughter. Humans were so pathetic sometimes but it wasn’t really their fault that they didn’t know that Harry would get inside, one way or another, and them fighting him would solely be a waste of time.

“Look man, I’m not trying to pick a fight, so, just let me get in.” His tone was calm and slow but yet vibrant, making sure his words would echo in his head. Harry tried his best to imitate him with the way he talked, as he was not tall, nor muscular enough to do so. It’s not that Harry wasn’t tall or musuclar, because he was tall and could pull more weights with his upper chest than most people with their whole bodies but he just couldn’t compare to the bouncer. 

But that didn’t seem to help. “No.” The man was shaking his head again while Harry took one step closer.

“I just–”

“–I said no.” Immediately the bouncer grabbed Harry by his shirt, pulling him away from the entrance. “You’re not invited.” He explained harshly with gritted teeth, his eyes staring directly into Harry’s green ones. He just smiled fondly, while keeping the bouncer’s gaze.

Slowly Harry leaned to him, whispering right before his furious face. “Quod dico facies.” His minty breath got stuck in the bouncer’s nose, while his words burned into his brain. His grip immediately loosened around Harry’s shirt and his gaze was not as strong as it was before. Even the anger had left him within seconds. Just like Harry wanted. With his hands, he seemed to straighten his clothes, before he turned to him again. “I’ll go inside, you won’t say anything about it and forget ever meeting me, got it?” As if it was music to the bouncer's ears, he nodded with his head in a complete trance. “Attaboy.” Harry chuckled, patting the bald man's head, as he would do to a dog, before he walked inside the stuffy, crowded, and dark room. Quickly he put his blazer back in place, dust the imaginary dirt off him, while he was still amused of how easy it was for him to get his way. He was so smug about being a witch and never would he give up his powers to be a lousy mortal. Ever.

As he walked further into the building more sweaty bodies collided with him, annoying him but he tried to play it off as he moved with the rhythm, searching for the person, he was in there for. Urgently, his emerald orbs were searching through the crowds, trying desperately to find the girl, who was a headache to locate. She really didn’t let him find her easily, as she was strong enough to be invisible to his magic. She was strong enough to channel his powers away from her but Harry wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t absolutely sure that she’d be here. He wouldn’t be in the messy club, in the first place, if she wasn’t such a powerful witch. After all she can be as invisible as she wanted to be to his magic but people will always talk.

Slightly, he was shoving people away from him when he finally found her, his prey. Her dark skin was shining in golden tones underneath the dim lights, almost exposing her as a witch, as she looked so eternal in her glowy, orange dress and her long nails, gripping the dark glass of her drink. Her wild curls were framing perfectly, while she flaunted her long legs on the barstool and for a moment Harry admired her beauty before he felt ready to go talk to her, swallowing a lump that was forming in his throat. Mentally he wanted to slap himself for the way his hands started to sweat nervously and his heartbeat rapidly against his ribcage. Of course, she was going to be absolutely breathtaking. The energy she radiated was enough to knock the air out of his lungs and he wondered how long it had taken her to master the craft the way she did. Not many witches were able to do black and white magic but she was, and that made her so incredibly powerful. Maybe sixty years ago, others would have treated like royalty because of it but now, no one really cared. Magiy wasn’t the way it used to, as most witches weren’t so reckless anymore. That’s why he feared that he would find someone like her, someone with her abilities. And that’s exactly what Harry wanted. He wanted –no, needed– her magic source to be his and he wasn’t going to stop until he finally has it.

“Hello.” He introduced himself with a deep, raspy voice and a charming smile tilting at his rosy lips, while his right hand went through his chestnut curls, knowing well that he was showing off his best features.

Her head turned around just for a second, scoffing when she caught a glimpse of him, before shifting her gaze to the barkeeper again. “You again, English man.” She dryly let out, not impressed of seeing him again.

“The one and only.” Sheepishly, Harry let out a humorous chuckle, as he remembered back to when he had met her for the first time. She didn’t really let him talk to her and was more busy at the witches market, pretending that he wasn’t even there. For a second his confidence wavered when he wondered whether or not she had seen, or remembered him. But she did. At least that was a start. He was glad that he had overheard her talking about her magic, since he was already on a hunt for someone like her and even if he hadn’t expect to find her while he was busy buying animal bones, crystals or some insects. 

“I won’t get rid of you that easily, won’t I?” She hissed and finally looked back at the man who tried his best not to frown. He wasn’t going to give up. Of course not. But he knew he had a long night ahead of him if she was going to stay this cold. “How did you find me anyway?”

“It’s not hard to find someone as gorgeous as you. Everybody notices and remembers.” He batted his eyelashes, leaning on the dark table next to her while looking deeply into her dark eyes. A glimpse of amusement sparkled in them. Of course, complimenting her would help him get to her. He was well aware of his charms, and the seductive fragrance he had used, helped him magically, in addition. And he knew how witches worked and what they liked. Every single one of them was stubburn and loved compliments, as their egos were no match to humans, or so it seemed.

A small smirk was playing at the corners of her full lips. “So you were asking around for me?” He was putting on his best act, even tried to act nervous, as if he was a naive, amateur witch, struck by her beauty and power. In a way, he was struck by her but he wasn’t as nervous. When he started chewing on his bottom lip, fidgeting with his fingers, and even managing to blush, she was forced to let out a girly giggle, fully believing his act. “Don’t get nervous now, rookie, and sit down.” He nodded delicately, before grabbing the stool’s soft leather and pushing it back, so he was able to sit down on it. Once Harry sat down, she continued fidgeting at her bracelet, to get it in the right position, where it wasn’t distracting her. “Why are you looking for me? What do you need?”

“Nothing.” Immediately Harry bit on his tongue, as the word bubbled out of his mouth, a little too fast for his liking. He couldn’t risk making her suspicious.

She narrowed her eyes, clearly not convinced by his fast and short answer. “I don’t believe you, loverboy.”

“Well, do I need to have a reason to admire you?” His grin was never fading and his voice remained strong. After all, he had done this before but he couldn’t deny that it was always nerve wrecking.

She laughed. “You really try to be charming, don’t you?” Her elbow was placed next to her drink, while she smiled widely at him before gripping his bicep with her hand and giving him a soft squeeze. Hot chills were running through Harry’s body, like electricity.

Knowingly, he leaned closer to her ear, whispering into it in his most seductive voice, as he knew he had her ego was strocked enough. “I’m not trying.” He didn’t attempt to grow some distance between their bodies, to make sure she'd smell what he was wearing, knowing exactly, that it would make her brain release more oxytocin. That’s exactly what he wanted, as he knew, it was going to increase her trust, make him seem more attractive than he already was, and– most importantly– it was going to increase her sex drive.

“I’m impressed. Most witches don’t have the guts to talk to me.”

“You’re already impressed? I can do so much more.”

She pursed her lips and it didn’t take Harry many more words before both of them ended up in his place, or at least the place he was staying at. It was a nice and expensive hotel that had a preference for marble floors and huge chandeliers. Harry enjoyed the finer things in life and he didn’t feel bad about it and seeing how her face lit up, he assumed, she didn’t either.

As his lips were trailing down her jaw and her chest, she made sure to push his hair out of his handsome face, to tug on them harshly. Delicately he hissed at her action, before he hid her face into her neck again, while the sweet scent of oranges filled his nostrils, almost hypnotizing him into inhaling it deeper. His plum lips left a trail down her chest, his hands roaming all over her body and his tongue began to explore her sweet skin. Even if making themselves both feel good wasn’t really his priority, it didn’t stop him from enjoying the moment. She felt so intoxicatingly good and all he felt in that moment was how his forehead began to sweat, his pants growing tighter. Slowly he pushed her against the wall, trailing his hands up and down her spine, causing goosebumps to cover her chocolate skin, and he didn’t hesitate before he slipped her dress off.

A smug smile adorned her flawless features. “Doesn’t seem too fair that you’re still so awfully clothed.” She noted, almost ripping his blazer and shirt off him, while he was busy slipping his pants off, leaving him only in his underwear. “Better.” Her hands gripped his neck, pulling him deeper into her, as her teeth began to carve into his heated skin, leaving small marks behind. Fiercely, he unclasped her bra, running his hands over her, already hardening, nipples before twisting them in between his fingers. He heard her moan, making him grip her harder before he started to kiss her bare chest, his tongue licking down her body before he was on his knees and his hands sliding down to her hips. The witch gripped the curly boy's head, pushing him between her legs. “Why don’t you put your mouth to good use?”

A smirk tugged at his lips. “Gladly.” Painfully slow, his teeth gripped at the fabric of her panties, tugging them down, while her dark eyes watched him impatiently. Once the fabric was out of the way, he made sure to leave many trails of kisses on the insides of her thighs, as his thumbs rubbed small circles on her hips.

Annoyed, she rolled her eyes. “Stop being a fucking tease.” The hand gripping his curls, tugged harder at them, sending a painful shiver down his spine. She pushed his face right between her legs, keeping him steady, as he had no other choice but to taste her and find out if she tasted as good as she smelled. Sinful sounds left both of their mouths, while he drove his tongue deeper and harder into her, covering himself in her juices, while he felt his cock painfully throbbing inside his pants. “Fuck. Just like that.” She let out with a shaky breath, making Harry laugh against her lips. Trembling vibrations were sent through her body, making the pleasure even more craving. Her words spurred him on even more before he dipped his fingers slowly into her wet core. Juices were instantly covering his ring cladded fingers, while he felt her legs trembling softly, as they were fighting to be open.

Even though he was making sure for her to feel good, his mind was tracing to his plan. He had to make sure that she was distracted enough, so she wouldn’t be able to stop him. That’s why he sucked harder, and his fingers went in and out of her faster and deeper. He felt her walls clenching around his fingers, while her moans began to get louder. It didn’t take him much more till her legs were properly shaking, her hands loosening their grip on his hair and a loud orgasm was given to her by him. Her juices still running down her inner thighs, he slowly lifted himself up from the floor. She was still trying to catch her breath, and he took his sweet time, prepping, even more, kisses on her neck, feeling her fast beating heartbeat.

“You taste so sweet.” He lulled into her ear, her completely oblivious to his hand reaching into his back pocket, revealing a sharp dagger. “Almost as sweet as you smell.” His tongue licked along her pulsating vein, knowing that it’ll stop soon enough. For a final time, he nuzzled his nose into her, letting her scent linger on him for a short time. “So sad, that it’ll all go to waste.”

“What?”

“I’m so sorry.” He said while he gripped her chin between his fingers, looking into her eyes. For a minute it seemed that he was admiring her eyes, but that facade was quickly destroyed, as his dagger cut through that beautiful skin of hers. A heavy whimper left her lips, as blood rushed down her body. An evil smirk evident on him when he watched the life slowly fading from her face.

“Y– Yo– You… asshole.” She stuttered, gripping her neck with her shaky hands while her mouth was open wide.

A deep laugh escaped his mouth, shaking his head. “Not my fault that you’re fooled so easily, my darling.” A wave of guilt overcame him when he saw the dark liquid running down her body, as she tried so desperately to make it stop, and maybe he would’ve tried to help her if he didn’t know what was at stake. No matter how hard he wanted to feel sorry for her, he forbade himself to. Her life was long enough, and her death wasn’t going to be a tragedy, but rather serve a bigger purpose. That’s why all the guilt escaped his body, his eyes turning a stone-cold color before he dipped his fingers into the dark liquid. “Thanks for everything, by the way.” Coordinated, he drew symbols on the walls. “You were much easier than other witches, but no one got me hard as fast as you did. I’ll give you that.” Effortlessly he drew every lines of the rune, he needed, before pressing his palm into the middle of the circle. “I’ll always be grateful.” Thick, sticky blood dripped down his hands when he exhaled deeply through his nostrils. “Nomine Omnes damnatos septem maria lunam, vires me confero.” A burning feeling overcame his body, as fire seemed to run through his veins. A sensation that was painful, yet powering at the same time and he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t addicted to it. 

He was addicted to feeling powerful. 

He was addicted to being powerful.

Too consumed in his ecstatic state, he completely forgot to keep his eyes on the dying witch. She wasn’t feeling better, in fact, she knew she was taking her last breaths, as she was sliding down the wall, leaving a dark red tail on the white wallpaper with flower patterns. Her shaky fingers drew one rune on her own, trying her best not to mess it up. “Virt– Virtus... omnia laterent... vafer om– omni ma– malo.” She whispered with the last strength inside of her, before pressing her palm on her drawing.

Immediately Harry’s eyes shot towards her, panic rising inside of him at the unknown spell she just cast. “What was this?” But she didn’t respond. Her limbs too weak to move, her eyes rolling back in her head as Harry strutted towards her with heavy steps. “You fucking bitch. What the fuck did you do?” Rapidly he shook her body, but she stayed still, as he felt all his previous power escape her body, leaving him with an empty feeling.

Scared, he looked down at his blood-smeared hands, trying his hardest to do something, anything.

“Lux a flamma usque.” Nothing.

“Ne flux aqua.” Nothing.

“Stone, parva et ipsum.” Nothing again.

Harry furiously shook his head, as he tried to find an explanation for his absence of magic. He didn’t know how to explain it, or how she had done it and most importantly, how to reverse it.

But he knew one thing, he knew he messed up.

With slow but steady steps Y/N walked down the foggy path, playing with the book in her hands while she whistled to an innocent tune as the birds seemed to join her on her walk through the dark forest. Grey clouds were above her, almost threatening to pour rain if she dared to stay outside any longer but that wasn’t one of her concerns. Stubbornly her head was still deeply buried inside her book that she wanted to read since she couldn’t find the time to lately.

It wasn’t necessarily that she hadn’t had time to read, because she did. Her daily routine didn’t take too much of her time and way too often she found herself being bored out of her mind. That’s why she had an impressive collection of books laying around at her cozy place and no matter how fond, or proud, she was of her house, she couldn’t read there. Maybe it was the silence that seemed to haunt her or the fact that she felt extremely lonely as she had no one near her. No neighbors, no family, and not even any human friends. And despite the fact that she didn’t socialite with anyone in that cafe, she felt a little less lonely when she saw the world around her with so many different people, as they went by, not realizing how interesting they were to her. Every single person had their own way of talking, moving, and even radiated different energy but yet, they all lived together in harmony. Or at least as harmonized as possible.

Y/N wanted to be a part of it sometimes, but she knew she would never fit in. There were too many differences between them and her, at least that’s what she told herself whenever she got scared of opening up. She really didn’t know how to. That’s why she always played with the thought of never going back to the cafe but she couldn’t stop when she remembered how her place feels like when she got a minute to herself and was able to drown in her thoughts.

Too often she visited the little space, where the world seemed to come to a halt and nobody dared to speak up or question her antics as she visited that place frequently, even though it wasn’t exactly near her home, or was easy for her to reach. She didn’t even remember when or how she found the cafe but she was convinced that there was no better place for her, if she wanted to feel included, once in her life. No one really talked to her, or at least not more than just a “hello” or “is the seat taken?” but it was enough for her to be a part of the moving crowd.

Her legs were carrying her dreadfully through the path covered with yellow, orange, red, and brown leaves. The world would have seemed so colorful with the birds singing and her footsteps echoing through the ending forest if it weren’t for the fog clouding her vision. But what else could anyone expect from an ordinary autumn day? Y/N was aware of the weather, so she was never surprised by it.

When the crowded trees came to an end and car sounds were getting louder, Y/N lifted her head up from the path, trying her best to spot the cafe that was located not too far away from the main road. Her hair was blown away by the cold breeze, painting her cheeks in a soft color and her hands gripped the hardcover of her romantic novel, as her steps became more eager, knowing well that she was almost at her destination.

It had been too many days since she had the time to visit the never heavily crowded place. Curiosity ate her up from the inside as she thought about her book, yet excitement spread through her body at the same time. She waited so long to finish it and originally it was her plan to have started a new one by now but her cat, Jupiter, got sick and she couldn’t bear to leave him alone. Also, Y/N knew that something had to be up if he got sick and she didn’t know what could’ve thrown the universe out of balance. Her familiar hardly ever got sick, unless something bad was going to happen, or if Y/N was sick herself. They’re true, loyal and helpful companions to a witch and Y/N considered herself lucky to have found hers, as he helped her out more often than she wanted him to be, and she felt save with him.Of course, she still had to be walking on tiptoes, and be aware of her surroundings but at the same time, she couldn’t imagine anything bad coming towards her, as she lived so isolated from everyone else. How could anyone find her anyway?

A strong smell of coffee already filled her lungs when she stood in front of the dimly lit shop, with the big windows greeting her to come inside and the little sign dangling in front of her eyes on the door with the word ‘open’ written over it, made her push the door open. A tiny bell rang out when she stepped foot onto the dark, hardwood floor but no eyes turned to her, as everyone seemed so engrossed in their own world. Disappointment made itself clear when she walked to the barista, while she wondered how it’d feel to be greeted by anyone.

She hadn’t had any real human contact in over a decade, and slowly she started to feel an absence of intimacy, even if it was just a warm smile towards her or a quick ‘hello’, followed by her name. But she couldn’t really blame anyone but herself, as it was her decision to live the way she lives. Or maybe she could blame the universe for making her someone she didn’t want to be, in the first place. Then she’d have never been in this situation and probably left her golden years already behind, while slowly waiting for her turn to leave this earth. She wouldn’t have been a threat but an average human being with friends, pets, and maybe even with children, probably even grandchildren, of her own by now. Often Y/N found herself daydreaming about another world, where she was chosen to be a normal one, and wondered if she’d cause less pain to others. She shouldn’t think that, as many mortals wanted to be in her place, but she wished she was not a witch.

As her brain was showing her an alternative reality where she got everything she ever dreamed of, a painful smile appeared on her face. Isn’t it funny how someone can do anything beyond their imagination and yet feel like she wasn’t capable of doing anything? Y/N really wanted to blame the person out there, who cursed her to be where she was right now. She felt angry thinking about it, and if she were inexperienced she could leash out and do things she was going to regret but she knew herself better and was convinced that a cup of hot chocolate with tiny, pink and white marshmallows in it, would make her anger disappear. Sometimes life really can be that easy.

“What can I get you?” The blonde barista asked behind the counter, while she made sure to give Y/N a warm smile. By the familiar sound of a human voice, Y/N’s ears perked up, just like how Jupiters would. The little gesture was unintentional and she couldn’t stop, because after living with just a cat, her way around people drastically changed. The high voice echoed in her head on replay, as if she was listening to a song she’s heard before, leaving a nostalgic taste on her tongue.

For a moment too long Y/N stared into the barista's eyes before she snapped out of her head and back into reality; a place she wanted to be in so badly. “A chocolate, please. Hot chocolate, I mean.” Quickly, those words rolled off her tongue, as she made sure those were in the right order. Mentally cursing at herself for stuttering and already messing up. She didn’t forget how to speak over the years, but her constant fear of standing out in the crowd gave her anxiety. She just wanted to belong to the normal people, that’s why she repeated that sentence mentally a dozen times before she found the courage to say them out loud, hoping her volume was alright. She didn’t want to be the odd one, something people had always called her and it didn’t matter who said it, because everyone did. From human to witches, everyone. The barista nodded her head, while she turned around to prepare her drink. With studying eyes Y/N observed her every move. They seemed so coordinated and smooth, as if it wouldn’t make her any energy to make a drink and if she didn’t have to think twice about what she was doing. Y/N wanted to be like this; effortless. But that seemed impossible as she remembered how she had forgotten a part of her order, even though it’s always the same and she had practiced that sentence before. With an overly dramatic gasp, Y/N made the blue-eyed barista stop her movements. “And with marshmallows, please.” Slightly Y/N cringed when she heard her soft, whispery and highpitched voice, wondering if she tried too hard to be polite, as she always seemed to plea. Did everyone try to be polite, or was it just her? And by the look the barista gave her, Y/N knew she behaved differently from most people. Was it bad to be polite nowadays? 

“Sure.” She only responded as she poured two spoonfuls of tiny marshmallows for her before offering Y/N her drink. She gave the barista a small hint of a smile, paid the drink, and found herself a cozy place to sit in one of the darker corners. Maybe it was best if she didn’t talk, or at least that’s what her anxiety advised her to. 

Y/N placed her blue cup on the round table before she opened up her book. She decided diving into the world of her novel would be better than studying people as there weren’t so many in the shop to keep her entertained for a longer period of time. The little cafe was almost empty, besides for the two people working behind the counter, three teenage girls giggling together while staring at their phones, and an old man reading his paper. But Y/N had assumed that, as soon as she saw the dark clouds. Mortals seemed to hate the rain while Y/N didn’t mind getting wet if it meant she could drink her hot chocolate. So, apparently, Y/N valued different things in life.

Before she began reading, she glanced over at her drink, still seeing the hot steam coming from it. She guessed she still had to wait unless she wanted to burn her tongue but she wasn’t so keen on not being able to taste anything for a week. With her fingers, she brushed over the soft page, as she dived in a world, where she could be completely normal without having to fear messing anything up. Maybe that’s why she liked books so much, as the pages were already written and the fate set in stone, nothing she’d do would change the outcome and that gave her a sense of security that life couldn’t give her. Y/N knew every tiny little detail could change everything and that was terrifying if she dwelled too much on it. Carefully she read the words, selected by the author, when the world around her became even quieter as her focus shifted fully into her book but the tiny noises were still hearable, keeping her from drifting away too far from the actual world.

Her eyes were eagerly reading the scene where the hero confessed his feelings for the clueless girl. A scene she had been waiting for since she started reading it. Goosebumps erupted on her skin, even though she never reacted that way. But Y/N was too much into the book to care, else wise she’d be on the lookout for what caused such a reaction out of her. Mortals wouldn’t understand what a blessing and a curse her exaggerated senses were but most of the time Y/N was glad that hers were always on point, as they had saved her from countless situations that could’ve been harmful to her, or Jupiter. And those senses helped her prevent running into her kind.

At least, usually, they do.

When another round of chills ran down her back, she finally let go of her book and let her eyes wander through the small shop, as her initial flee instincts kicked in. But she couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Carefully her hand closed the book shut, before her right hand went in to grab the mug, hoping the beverage would calm nerves. When the warm taste of melted chocolate spread on her tongue, the consistency reminded her of softly whipped cream. Usually, this would make her moan quietly in satisfaction, and immediately her tense body would lump into one of the dark, velvet cushions.

But this time her body didn’t relax and the odd feeling didn’t leave the pit of her stomach. What was going on?

In a very quick motion, she put the mug back on the table, before she grabbed her book harshly, as she got ready to get up. Y/N didn’t want to abandon her drink but she knew better to trust her gut than her roaring stomach. With coordinated moves, she quickly approached the door, didn’t even look around the store as the burning sensation became stronger, almost making her feel like being suffocated. Her head was low, and when she felt the material of the door, a sigh escaped her mouth. She really needed to get away from there. When she stepped outside a cold wind whipped her harshly across the face and before she could comprehend what was happening, she bumped into someone.

“I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” The other person let out in a deep, raspy voice, signaling her that it was a man in front of her.

Quickly she nodded her head, at the same time readjusting her book in her hands. “Yes, I’m al–” Her breath got stuck in her throat when she looked into a pair of piercing green eyes. Electricity shot through her veins, although her blood ran cold. Her intuition was never wrong but could it be truly right, right now? 

But the energy the man radiated couldn’t be contained and denied. He had to be. And he seemed to have the same thoughts about her, as a wide grin decorated his pink lips. “Hello, comrade.” Her heart sank deeper as her brain was already looking for ways to escape this situation and roaming through the various spells she could cast right now without hesitation. How could she not take the signs seriously? She should’ve known when Jupiter got sick, that something was coming her way but she thought she knew better. How could she? The universe knows everything better, she doesn’t. The color on her face immediately left and her eyes shot wide open, frantically blinking to make sure the situation was actually real, and not a hallucination. “You don’t seem so excited. Did someone take your tongue?” His large hand tried to touch her arm but she flinched away, not amused by his choice of words. Of course, he was a witch. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have said that, knowing well that some spells, indeed, require an actual tongue and it was a saying for witches. Y/N knew all about them, as she used to cast those types of spells as well and had to take someone’s tongue, literally had to cut it out of someone’s mouth. Not her proudest moments, she had to admit, but she had done worse if she was being completely honest.

She shook her head. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” Y/N hissed, unintentionally mimicking Jupiter again, as he would do with someone he wasn’t fond of.

As she stared with disbelief into the stranger's eyes, recognition didn’t flicker once. He was unknown to her and she truly wondered how he made his way to such a small town, as most witches didn’t come across her tiny home. Y/N couldn’t even remember when another one of her kind actually visited that place, as most of them decided to live in the city due to the always growing population. And Y/N fully understood why they did it. It was a much nicer and easier way of living, besides it wasn’t the 18th century anymore. Witches don’t have to fly on brooms and they most certainly don’t wear pointy hats. Most would even find it offending, as no witch ever wore a pointy hat, solitary for being one. Why would anyone do that anyway? They looked ridiculous, in her opinion and made witches have no fashion sense, which wasn’t right, as some of them were the biggest designers in this world and a lot more were dressed by them. 

“Is that a way to talk to an old friend?” Slowly he tugged at the hem of his black coat and wrapped himself tighter in it, as if he could feel Y/N’s cold stare on his skin, freezing him undeniably. Maybe it was wrong of her to have such a closed-off attitude but she wasn’t well with mortals, and even worse with witches. If it were up to her, she’d give up her powers, as she doomed for them to bring no joy but only misery into the already cruel world. Why make it worse, right?

Confused, she furrowed her eyebrows together. “We’re not friends. I don’t even know you.” Her tongue wet her lips when she clenched her eyes shut at his bright, knowing smile. Confused, Y/N took a few steps back, as she tried her hardest to understand him but she didn’t seem to be good at it. She had met many of her kind, even used to live in a town filled with them in her childhood. In her early adult life, she still kept in touch with them but that was a lifetime ago, at last, that’s what it felt like to her. Even if she knew him, was she supposed to remember every witch she had ever crossed paths with? He couldn’t expect her to, could he?

A laugh escaped his rosy lips. “I guess the potion really worked.” He shook his head as he lowered his gaze towards his shoes before he looked up again and put his balled fists into the pockets of his jacket. “I’m Harry. Harry Styles.” Even though he finally revealed his name she couldn’t find any memories of him. He almost wanted to stretch his hand out to her, for her to shake it but decided against it and let it continue to rest inside the warmth fabric. He figured that she wouldn't be too fond of the gesture, amusing him even more. She’s still just how he had remembered her.

“What potion?” She urged with a raised eyebrow. What was he talking about?

“What potion?” He repeated her question dramatically as if she was supposed to know what he was talking about. “You should know that! This is stuff from junior year, Barky.”

Barky? Y/N furrowed her eyebrow together and closed her eyes shut, trying her hardest to concentrate and find out where she’s heard that nickname before. A nagging feeling crept upon her as if she had heard someone call her that before as if she was supposed to know where, when and who used to call her that. A frown overcame her shy features while she was trying her hardest to remember. With a lot of concentration, memories floated back from her college years and instantly her mouth turned sour, her facial expression bitter and lips sealed together in a tight line. Y/N was certain that she could never get that memory out of her head, as it left a burning mark on her. It was her most embarrassing story from college and if it wasn’t bad enough, it had to be her first real date too. She went out to get some lunch with Dylan, a senior with the softest golden locks she’s ever seen and the perfect smile with the tiny gap between his front teeth, undeniably making him even more charming. She was excited, beyond excited even that he had asked her out. A giddy feeling was consistent in her belly since the minute she woke up on that day, proofing how much she had looked forward to for this date. Y/N couldn’t even tell you when she started crushing on him because to her it felt like all her life she was into him, even though she didn’t know of his existence, as if a part of her knew she was going to meet him. That’s why she was so ecstatic when he had asked her out, even considered it a projection of someone upon her, as many witches were cruel enough to do so. But to her luck, it wasn’t. No one tried to mess with her, or at least not yet. She had gotten ready, even put on her most expensive cologne and her favorite, floral, puff sleeve dress. He had picked her up and everything went well, they were talking, laughing, and even their hands were touching, when Y/N started to bark out of nowhere. It was a sound that only a real dog could ever let out, and it sounded so foreign when she made that noise. Instantly her hand cupped her face, her nails digging into the soft flesh of her warm cheeks. No matter how hard she tried, words wouldn’t leave her mouth, just animalistic sounds, and whenever she tried to be quiet her lips wouldn’t seal. Now thinking back, she realized that someone was missing from that story, making her guess who put her in that situation. It felt like a foggy memory as if she had drunk too much alcohol and blacked out. But she knew she didn’t drink anything. She only remembered being called “Barky” for the rest of her college years, she just couldn’t remember who gave her that nickname.

“Did you–”

“–still don’t know? Let me remind you.” The stranger laughed loudly, almost as if he was mocking her. With those words, he took her hand and placed a purple stone inside. A mild pain increased slowly in her veins when her eyes closed shut. It almost felt like a cramp, everyone tends to get when they’ve been writing for too long, and Y/N knew why. He was feeding her information, memories that he once had erased, appeared before her very own eyes. With every second that passed, more and more she came to a conclusion who the green-eyed boy in front of her was but it didn’t leave her with a smile on her face. No, quite the opposite, as a foul expression decorated her features.

It was him.

When her brain finally registered him, she slapped his hands away immediately, her face scrunching up in disgust. How dare he visit her? How did he even find her? And why? He was the last person she would’ve ever thought of seeing in her life again, but here she was, looking at his amused face with those deep dimples.

“You.” She flared, pointing his finger at his chest. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Her tone was aggressive and feisty, almost as if she had tried to spit fire, like a dragon, and the stranger knew that she could, making him back away slightly. Her demeanor chaged so quickly, that she wasn’t even sure how quiet she usually was.

Defensively, he put his hands up. “Calm down! I was just passing by.”

“Bullshit. You never do anything if it doesn’t benefit you, Styles.”

For a second Harry’s grin disappeared, before he sighed when the intensity of her gaze didn’t diminish. He felt defeated. “Alright.” Slowly he put his hands away. “I’m here for a reason. I need your help–”

“–and you think I would help you?” She shook her head harshly. “You wasted your time coming here. I don’t even know what you were thinking.” Y/N was fully admitting the truth, as she really didn’t understand how she could help him and for him to think that she would, was even more ridiculous. She tried her hardest not to sound bitter but failed miserably as her anger got the best of her. Not only was she furious at him for erasing her memory but also because of everything else he had done to destroy her college experience. For once in her life, she wanted to experience a normal life, and going to college, she thought, would help her to have one. She wasn’t really planning on walking into another witch but when she did run into Harry, she had always been nice to him. He just wasn’t decent enough to be respectful back. In front of mortals, he’d make sure to poke fun at her for the way she looked, acted, and even for her good grades. And when he was alone with her he’d make rats follow her around, let her be invisible, or make her bark on a first date with a mortal. She never understood why he did it, as she was always nice to him. But now, almost forty years later, she came to the conclusion that he was just an asshole, who loved to demolish someone's confidence. And the worst part was, that he was amazing at it. So, yeah, she doesn’t understand why he is standing in front of her with a pleading look.

“Y/N, I’m sorry for everything b–”

“I won’t help you.” She just let out dryly before she looked back at the little cafe. Y/N couldn’t believe how he had to ruin her perfect day and be the reason to waste an amazing cup of hot chocolate. Shaking her head at the universe for making her day so much worse, she started to walk away, hoping that Harry would leave her alone but of course, he didn’t. How could she expect anything else from him?

“Y/N!” He called out her name when he started to follow her around the narrow streets and the dark clouds above them, seconds away from pouring cold rain at them. “Please, you’re the only one who can break curses.”

She laughed loudly. “A curse? Why doesn’t it surprise me that someone would curse Harry Styles?” Her steps slowed down when a thunder erupted from above her but she never stopped walking away. “What have you done to piss someone off like that?”

“It was… a bad date.” He hesitated but Y/N didn’t seem to notice, as she continued to strut away from him, or at least she tried, as Harry seemed to be determined. He wasn‘t going to let her go that easily, much to her dismay.

“Funny how you don't need someone to ruin your date. You can do that all by yourself.” She said, clearly referring to the date he had ruined for her.

“I deserved that but I really need your help. My magic– I can’t use it anymore.” He was begging, something Harry usually never did and never thought of doing ever again. The last time he had begged, was years ago, when he was still a little boy, begging his mother to let him go play outside with the other mortal children when she strictly prohibited it. His lips were quivering, his eyes filled with tears, as he clasped his hands together, while he whined out a series of pleads that were never heard. As a child, he never understood why his mother wouldn’t let him go out, but as he got older, he understood why he wasn’t allowed to. Harry knew his mother never allowed him to, because she didn’t want people to be suspicious if something went wrong and she didn’t want anybody to get hurt, especially those fragile mortals. Meanwhile, Harry was glad, he never made human friends, as it would never go anywhere. They were aging, hurting, and even dying, while Harry aged much slower, was able to heal himself and even death wasn’t lasting. He saw them as baggage, nothing more and why would he purposefully carry something like that around, right?

“Not my problem, if you’re stupid enough to piss off a witch.” Y/N shook her head at him, as she couldn’t believe how dumb a person could be. He must have known that the witch was a powerful one, yet he dared to get close to her, knowing damn well that he wasn’t likable. Hell, Y/N couldn’t understand how so many girls were always walking after him in college. What did they see in a pretentious, stubborn, unfunny, and arrogant narcissist? She guessed it must have been solely his looks, that threw girls to him as mosquitoes did. whenever they saw a brightly shining lamp in the midst of the darkness. “You know not everyone can block off your source, or unbreak the curse.” That was indeed true, as most witches had their areas they were good at. Some liked to make potions, cast spells or break curses.

“That’s why I’m here. I need you.”

Her steps came to an almost immediate halt, before she turned to him on her heel, while her hair strands flew into her face, due to her fast movement. She eyed him up and down irritated before she raised her eyebrow in suspicion. “Your magic seems fine to me. I mean how else did you find me?” Her hands gestured towards his hands as if she was able to see him producing fire or any other magical thing. Y/N was convinced he wasn’t here for that and him losing his magic was just an act. And she wasn’t going to fall for it. She wasn’t going to fall for his childish tricks again.

Awkward about what he could answer her, he scratched his neck and turned his gaze to the floor for a brief moment before regaining his courage. “I searched for your location before this mess.” He said the truth, he did look for her location in beforehand and he knew he could’ve come up with a lie but if she still were the same person from their college days, she’d see through him. A laugh wanted to escape his throat as he thought back to those days when he was convinced of her putting a spell on him. How else was she supposed to know every time he lied? It was impossible for her not to use her magic because no one ever was as good at detecting his lies. And he remembered the day when he had confronted her about it. Another lie was told by him, resulting only in her furrowing her eyebrows, shaking her head, and firmly stating a simple “no”. It made his blood boil, and thinking back he was impressed by her, but he’d never admit it. Harry used to be angry at her. She couldn’t be serious, could she? She had to be right about him, every fucking time. That’s when he snapped, pushed her towards the nearest wall, and asked her through gritted teeth how she knew that. And what followed, shocked him. Not only did she not back down, or get intimidated by him but revealed how he acted whenever he lied. She confessed how she noticed him running his thumb over his mermaid tattoo whenever he lied, and how he wasn’t able to look into her eyes. She was so certain, and Harry would’ve loved to deny it, but he didn’t know better himself. Did he do that? Really? And even now he catches himself, doing exactly what she knew so many years ago. It was awfully confusing to him, how a stuck up, goody-two-shoes saw that, and nobody else did, even when they knew him longer and better.

“What? Why?” Curiosity was reflected in her eyes when she pulled her eyebrows together.

“I–”

“–you’re such a stalker, you know that? We haven’t seen each other in– like what– almost forty years and you still look for me?” She interrupted him before he even got the chance to lie and for a split second, he was relieved about that. She didn’t trust her gut feeling, because it always seemed to be so painfully correct. Wildly, she gestured with her arms, making Harry wonder what she was trying to say when to her it seemed so clear. She was gesturing towards her hometown, pointing at her surroundings, that she was familiar with, and not he. Why would he be interested in looking for her anyway? They never talked to each other, unless they were forced to and back then they weren’t friends. What reason could he possibly have to know her location? And if he said that he wanted to visit her due to him missing her, she’d laugh in his face, only stopping when she was close to suffocating. Never would he miss her, she’d rather believe the devil visiting her for a cup of tea.

“Forty years means nothing to us. We’re not human.” He sighed, dodging her question, as she was busy overthinking what just happened when she only wanted to visit her favorite cafe for a hot chocolate. Did the devil really hate her so much to put her in such misery? Wasn’t she allowed to forget about this arrogant witch, whose good looks all went to waste due to his obnoxious and unpleasant character? If she were powerful enough she’d block his magic source herself and he fully understood whoever did this to him. Harry probably deserved to lose whatever made him a witch, something he was so proud of being. He always bragged about his magic, bragged about how he was so much more powerful than those human beings, and used various spells to entertain a party crowd, to gain popularity. It gave him strength, knowing that he was above them, while Y/N hated it. Because whenever a witch came along, the story always ended with blood and tears and she was sick of being the cause of someone’s tears, let alone death. She wanted to be a mortal and would like to experience her magic source getting blocked. She’d feel like a mortal, just like he did no– wait, he was like a mortal right now, right?

“You’re like one right now, aren’t you?” An evil smirk plastered across her face, finally processing and understanding how helpless Harry was. But she didn’t feel pity, she was rather amused at his situation. It was even kind of poetic, considering how much he loved to be a witch. And now she could do anything to him, and he would fully be defeated by her with no chance of seeking revenge or defending himself. “I mean I could do anything to you and you wouldn’t be able to defend yourself, right?”

“Y/N.” He warned her, his voice stern and a frown overshadowing his charming features.

“Maybe you’d like to live like a mouse, or are you interested in losing your voice?” She turned around and began to walk away while thinking about what she might do to him. Excitement taking over her, making her voice rise a few octaves, her eyes sparkling and her fingers gripping her book harder. A part of her knew that she was just messing around with him but it didn’t stop her from imagining how great it would be, seeing him as a mouse or never having to hear his obnoxious voice again, that sounded too attractive for his asshole persona.

“Y/N, plea–”

“–no wait! How do you feel about being blind? I think that could be an amazing experience for you. Then you could focus more on your other sen–”

“–oh, for fucks sake! Don’t even think about it, unless you want to lose your familiar.” His voice sounded warning, almost daring her to continue with her schemes. When he saw her shocked expression, he slowly gained his usual cockiness again, knowing well that even without his powers, he still had the upper hand. Thank god, he never did anything without a plan.

A cold shiver ran down her spine and nervously her mouth popped open, as she tried to breathe steadily. “What did you just say?” She asked, not believing how quiet her voice had gotten and not understanding how he’d dare to do something like this to Jupiter, her cat, her familiar, for crying out loud. He knew what it meant if a familiar dies, yet he was willing to do that to her. How dare he?

“Is this how fast I can get you speechless, love?” He strapped his tongue, before grinning widely at her shocked expression.

“What the fuck did you do? What have you done to Jupiter?” She hissed when he pointed his finger towards her, to signal her to be quiet.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing that can’t be fixed. It’s just a little bit of poison. I even have the antidote and I’m nice enough to give it to you. Only if you help me, that is.”

“You son of a bi–”

“–choose your next words wisely unless you want your cat to die.” She stayed quiet, biting on her lip harshly to let him finish talking. “That’s what I thought. So, are you interested in helping me out?”

“Fuck you.” Y/N insulted him, as she looked away, furiously crossing her arms over her chest. For a moment Harry only stared at her, waiting for an actual answer. But she didn’t find the right words to say, not even saying a “yes”, neither a “no”. He really got her trapped, didn’t he? Jupiter will die without an antidote and she was sure she could make one on her own, but she didn’t know what poison he had used on her. It would take her forever to cure her cat, might even take her too long.

He laughed at her silence as she was defeated and happily whistled in her face. “I’ll come around tomorrow evening. Be prepared.” With that he walked away elegantly, right before the heavy rain started pouring from the clouds, drenching Y/N as she watched him walk back into the cafe. Anger, annoyance, and worries clouded her mind, making it impossible for her to think straight. How was he able to put her in such a situation? What had he done to Jupiter? Will she be able to break his spell? Many questions ran through her head but no answers could be found. Even though she wasn’t able to form a proper sentence, she was determined to get the antidote, and then she was going to curse Harry into the pits of hell. Literally.

Y/N hated it, she hated it so much. Since she came back home yesterday, her clothes soaking wet from the rain, a headache haunting her ability to think properly, and with a wave of undeniable anger, she felt like vomiting, crying, and even punching the walls till she had splitters in her knuckles. How did this happen to her?

She barely had any contact with anyone, whether it was mortals or anyone of her kind.

She was always alone, isolated herself from the danger, and kept others safe by not walking around recklessly.

Y/N only used magic when it was absolutely necessary and even her familiar, Jupiter, started to get bored by her lack of action in life. She wasn’t necessarily happy with the way she lived, as she slowly fell into disrepair but she’d rather go nuts in her own home than risk people’s lives or having a witch, or a hunter, trying to kill her. Why was it so hard for the universe to understand that she only wanted a peaceful life? Wasn’t her world balanced enough? Did she really need this kind of drama? And from all the witches that could have come to her, it really had to be him? Harry fucking Styles, who used to be her personal bully for no goddamn reason in her younger, more naive years. It felt like a sick joke to her and an unfunny one at that. If it were up to her, she would’ve never seen his ass ever again after graduating from college, and she was good at hiding, considering how small the world is if you’ve such a long life. You never know who you might run into, and she was good at dodging unwanted guests for 40 years. No one ever visited her, she couldn’t even remember when someone actually came over and she liked that, as she loved to not have her private space invaded.

But here she is now, sitting next to an arrogant son of a bitch, who had a huge grin on his face while staring directly into her eyes. He truly loved holidng her gaze and she didn’t know what to think of it.

But one thing she knew for certaon; fuck the universe. It never brought her any good anyway.

“Nice place you’ve got.” He examined her living room thoroughly, as he was sitting on her yellow fabric couch. “A little… obsolete maybe.” His eyes wandered from her wooden ceiling to her dark, big windows to her gigantic bookshelf that took up an entire wall. He was fascinated seeing that she still reads so much. Harry remembered how he would sometimes see her in the library, nose deep buried in a book but he would’ve never guessed what an impressive collection she has at home. There were not only books for witches but also books for mortals that only served the purpose of entertainment. Harry used to read those too, especially Charles Bukowski, but lately, he found himself less interested in them. Maybe it was because he had other plans these days or that he learned a long time ago that those stories don’t even exist for mortals. So how could he ever live in such a fantasy?

His hand touched one of the many green plants in her house when she slapped his hands away before answering him. “It’s cozy, not obsolete!” She put the plant back to its place, patting the leave that he was just touching, making him chuckle. She was ridiculous to him. It was just a plant and not an animal or child he had offended and now needed some consulting. “Besides, don't touch anything.” Silently, she rolled her eyes at him, slowly rubbing her feet on the colorful rug underneath her, warming them as the white socks didn’t seem to do much. No matter what someone said about her place, she loved it. It was small, cozy and she had a big garden with various vegetables, fruits, and flowers and a small pond, where ducks would find their way in, so Y/N could feed them with her daily, freshly baked bread. She truly loved the way she lived, but she also had to admit that it got cold very quickly once the temperatures start dropping, and if she were completely honest, it could get lonely, as well.

“How many books do you have?” He asked, nodding towards the shelf with his head. “Must be a million.” Harry exaggerated, as he opened up his arms widely with a goofy smile, knowing it would annoy her. His dazzling green eyes were watching her intensely, as he tried to point out differences from when he had met her for the first time. She still looked the same, given to their slow aging, but even the way she walked, talked, or presented herself seemed to be so awfully similar. But she seemed closed off, as if she built up thick walls around her, not letting anyone peek inside. He remembered how back then, she was a bubbly, lively, and friendly girl, who seemed so excited to learn anything about the world, whether it was the supernatural or the human one. She never kept anything to herself, as she was always talking about her day or plans and sometimes it really annoyed him. He just didn’t understand how someone can be so happy to be alive and have this much energy inside of them? While he was still unsure about how she managed to be so overjoyed, he was more concerned about what had happened to her, which made her change so drastically. Who could change someone so much? And as bad he tried to suppress thoughts, he wondered if it was his influence, or has she changed much later after meeting him?

“No wonder why you failed math twice. That’s not even near a million.” She rolled her eyes at him, at his overly annoying attitude that he always made sure to show. Something about him made her so angry, that she had to bite the inside of her cheeks to keep the degrading names to herself. She needed the antidote and when she saw Jupiter, his frustrating face suddenly wasn’t enough to make her mad anymore, or at least till he opened his mouth again.

“I was joking, darling.”

“I wasn’t.” She dryly replied and dared to stare at him longer than she had intended. Y/N couldn’t believe how he still was the same person after 4p years. He should’ve matured a bit or learned how to read the room and know his place but he never did, apparently. Or she has never changed and he still knew exactly how to make her erupt like a volcano.

Awkwardly, he touched his neck, blowing the hot air inside his lungs out, while he nervously looked around her house, when he felt the intensity of her glare on him. Back then, she would’ve walked away and ignored him without giving him a dirty look. She truly wasn’t how she used to be and he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not. “Alright, maybe we should start working?” It surprised him seeing her be so rude back when she used to talk with professors after class and never interrupt them, even if she really had to be somewhere else. Y/N would patiently listen, as she hated to make people feel uncomfortable. That’s why Harry raised his eyebrows up his forehead, forming lines on his forehead. She was clearly not in the mood to catch up, neither did she like his jokes, so he might as well do what he needed her for. He needed her to break the curse, for now, even if she wasn’t too thrilled to see him

“Sure. The sooner we’re done, the faster you can leave.” Her voice had grown so cold, not the way how she used to hum every single one of her words, as if she was a bird singing in the early morning hours while basking in the golden sun rays. But it didn’t stop him from trying to amuse her. Who knows how many hours they’d be forced to spend together, so they might as well try to somewhat get along, right? Maybe even give it a shot to reminisce about their old, shared days.

“Leave? I thought about sticking around for a while. It’s quite a nice town, with very interesting people.” When the word “interesting” had left his mouth, he winked at her, making her blood boil stronger and roll her eyes back harder, wishing they’d get stuck, so she wasn’t forced to look into his enormous grin, knowing that’s all it takes for him to piss her off. “Maybe I could get a house next to yours? Just a little bit more modern, to throw parties and stuff.” Even though Harry didn’t like parties too much, or at least not as much as he used to, he knew that she hated them. Even back in college she hardly ever went to one, just once, for unknown reasons to him, she decided to turn up for a frat party one of his friends had hosted on a warm summer night. He remembered it clearly, even remembered the way she looked, what she wore and if he concentrated hard enough he was able to smell her hypnotizingly sweet scent that she was wearing that day. His heart painfully started beating faster in his ribcage while he thought about everything that had happened that night and wondered how everything turned so sour afterward. It was a shame.

Y/N snorted. “Do that and I’ll shove a frog down your throat.” She was being completely serious, considering the harsh tone of her voice and the cold stare she gave him. How was he so good at getting under her skin? And it was worse knowing that she wanted so badly to brush the perfect curl away from his handsome face, so she could have a better look at him. No matter how he had treated her in the past, she had to admit that his looks could charm anyone. Well, almost. She wasn’t going to get fooled by him again and the way his smile and those sparkly eyes seemed to weaken her knees. But she guessed that her reaction was expected. After all, she was just a witch with feelings and desires and he was a handsome man, who would’ve been perfect to live out a fantasy of hers if he could keep his mouth shut for once.

“I’d like to see you try, Barky.” He laughed.

“Stop calling me that!”

“Or what?” Harry said that in the most playful way he could, intensifying his stare as his smile turned into a shitfaced and lopsided grin. But Y/N had not seen this as playful.

Y/N folded her arms in front of her chest and snorted loudly with her tongue. “Are you threatening me? Because if so, you can kiss your magic goodbye.” A burning sensation brewed inside her when he was still grinning, not even an ounce of remorse flickering in his green orbs.

Harry bitched with his shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal, because he knew exactly that he had the upper hand. “And you can kiss your Julius– Juniper, or something– goodbye.” While he was trying to remember the name of her precious cat, she frowned deeper, forming multiple wrinkle lines on her forehead. What was going to happen to her precious familiar if Y/N wouldn’t help him? She’d have to watch Jupiter suffer and eventually die because she wouldn’t find an antidote in time. Only Harry could provide her with that and no matter how naive and dense Y/N looked, she wasn’t and she understood the situation well.

“Jupiter, you asshole. His name’s Jupiter.” She spits as if venom was dancing on her tongue and for a minute she wished it was to be something poisonous. Maybe she was being a little bit dramatic, knowing that she could easily drink one of her toxicants, whenever she wanted the death to knock on her door, so she could leave Harry startled and shocked. But would Harry be surprised when he knew that every witch tended to be dramatic and stubborn? “Why would you do that? What have you done to him? He’s been sick for days now!”

“Not telling yet.”

“Why not? You’re already here and I’m trying to help you!” Furiously she pointed at the many books laying in front of them, that were kept wide open. “What else would you need?”

He laughed a humorless laugh and shook her head as if she was a small child who did not understand the most understandable things in the world. “Because once I give you the antidote, I won’t have the upper hand and I don’t really trust you.” He explained in a monotone voice.

She sighed. “The feeling’s mutual.” Y/N bit her tongue and rolled her eyes. She truly didn’t trust him, for a good reason, as her distrust and dislike were established during their shared college years.

“Well, I–“

“–can we just get started, please? I wasn’t keeping in touch with you for a reason and this here” She pointed her finger between the two. “is something I never wanted to happen and I was glad it didn’t in the past 40 years.” Surprised, Y/N flinched at her own words, as she realized how harsh she sounded. Even though she was being sincere, she wondered if she was taking it too far? Was she being petty? After all, he never physically hurt her, he just loved to poke fun at her when they were a little bit younger and still does, as it amused him seeing her so furious.

But the longer he watched her move around her, the more he understood how far she dislikes actually went and if he didn’t know her better, he’d say that she hated him. Harry couldn’t deny it but he actually felt offended and tried hard not to scoff. What has he ever done to her for her to hate him like that? Maybe he was being mean sometimes or liked to poke fun at her but was he really that bad?

Hesitantly he simply nodded his head when he tried to remember their college years. His heartbeat quickened when he thought back to that one night however he fast to lock his thoughts away. She wasn’t thinking of the incident 40 years ago and it probably still doesn’t have any effect on her now. It still didn’t change the fact that she had hurt him, not for her lack of response, but how she led him on.

“Here are my books, read your way through and let me know if you find anything interesting.” She tossed a couple of more books towards him, purposefully hitting the couch next to him before she turned her back towards him and started to make herself comfortable on her rug.

“You can sit on the couch. I’ll go sit on the floor.” Harry felt stupid saying that, because there was clearly enough space for her to sit, yet she chose to take a seat on the cold and uncomfortable-looking floor that was decorated with the ugliest rug Harry had ever seen. He didn’t like the plattern, nor the obnoxious colors, as they didn’t seem to mash well together. 

He wouldn’t mind her sitting next to him but if she did, he wasn’t going to force her, that’s why he chose to watch her be so cramped on her colorful carpet.

She didn’t look up but shook her head before fully burying her face into one of her books and shielding her face completely from Harry.

He sighed, rubbed at his temples, and tried to read the many pages of the book that was laying on his lap but he couldn’t concentrate with the thick tension lingering in the air. He swears he could cut it with a knife, or at least that’s how it felt to him and if he had to guess; she probably didn’t feel better.

Harry stared at her while she was engulfed in her book, wondering if he could ease the situation. Y/N looked so peaceful, not the rude person she has become but her younger and innocent self. Somehow it eased her knowing that she had lowered the book again. “Do you remember college?” The words already bubbled out of his mouth with no time for him to react.

She rolled her eyes but never let go of her book. “Is our history going to help your dilem–“

“–no. But do you remember? Because I do.” He urged, putting the book on the small coffee table.

Y/N wanted to ignore him but somehow she was intrigued to know what he was going to say. “No, do you?”

For a second, insecurity flickered its way through his brain. Did she actually not remember or was she messing with him? His intuition always knew best that’s why he guessed she knew, even if his brain tried to tell him otherwise. She had to, or at least that’s what he told himself because he didn’t want to be the only still thinking about them. “Yeah, I do. At least most of it.”

“Really? Like what?” She raised her eyebrow and mirrored his movements by putting her book away as well and crossed her legs like a pretzel to be more comfortable.

“I remembered you spilling your coffee on my journal.” He remembered the day so clearly. They were at the nearest coffee shop, the hot spot for the caffeine-addicted young adults with a lack of sleep, when space was crowded and loud and nobody seemed to spend any more than a few minutes, except for them. Most people didn’t use the shop to study, at least not during the rush hours but somehow the two witches did and ended up having to share the booth, where the WiFi connection was the best. Harry was writing his notes into his little journal while Y/N furiously tapped with her pen against her computer, trying her hardest to find the answer to one of her math problems. She was stressed and Harry could see that clearly by the crease between her brows, the way she pursed her lips, and bounced her left leg up and down quickly. Whenever she’d look up he’d try to look away and it seemed she didn’t catch him staring at her. He had to admit, he always found her quite beautiful, it was hard not to. She had pretty hair, that he wanted to comb through with his hand, a unique nose that fitted her face perfectly, and those mesmerizing eyes that he could get lost in. Something about her seemed so magical and now thinking back, he had to laugh. It’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? He slowly put himself back into reality, catching her embarrassed face in front of her and when she tried to defend herself, he put his hand up to silence her. “I didn’t mind it.” And he really didn’t. Harry guessed that she was already having a really bad day and excitedly knocked her drink on his journal when she just wanted to put her pen back into her purple pencil case. When Harry saw that she wanted to leave, disappointment overcame him as he hadn’t found the guts to talk to her, after the hour or so they’d spent sitting silently next to each other. So in a way, he was glad she was that clumsy because it gave them a reason to talk to each other. And they did, much longer than both of them would’ve expected since they were strangers.

“Or I remember how you bought me something for my birthday.” This had happened a couple of weeks later when he was having a bad day. His alarm didn’t set off, making him oversleep and miss his first period when he needed the attendance so badly to pass the class. He still tried to get ready but found the guy from last night, still sleeping in his bed. He didn’t mind them staying over but he just wasn’t used to that, as most of them would rush out the room while he was still resting, and to his nonexistent luck, he woke up when Harry was trying to brush his teeth with the tiny amount that was left in his tube. He had to go grocery shopping again. Harry remembered that day so clearly, as big snowflakes fell from the sky, blinding him, the minute he stepped out of his place. Frustrated he had kicked a bin outside when he saw Y/N approach. From the corner of his eye, he fought a glimpse of her red scarf, that practically was covering her face, as the flushed cheeks indicated that she was freezing.

She shrugged her shoulders, trying to play coy. “Everybody would’ve done that.”

“My friends didn’t.” Harry rolled his eyes when he thought of the jerks he used to be friends with and slightly wondered what they were doing now, as they had gotten close to their retirement now. He wondered if they already had grandchildren and if they still had the same childish attitude as they used to forty years ago. They were the reason why Y/N left Harry’s place upset that day. After giving him a ring that she had found in the thrift store, thinking that Harry would like it and fire a minute she could’ve sworn he liked it but the second his friends approached, he had put the ring in his pocket and shushed her away.

Y/N laughed bitterly when she looked at her lap, where both of her hands were placed. “You didn’t like my present anyways.” Her thumbs were quietly battling each other when Harry swallowed a big clump down his throat. He knew what Y/N was referring to and he felt so guilty about it.

Harry shook his head. “No! No, I did it’s just–”

“–I wasn’t popular enough.” She looked him in the eye again, hoping she’d find a tiny piece of him looking at her as if she was crazy, and that it wasn’t his reason to never wear the ring in public. But he didn’t. He looked more guilty than ever and it didn’t make Y/N feel better. When he tried to speak, Y/N cut him off quickly, as she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Enough was said and done anyway. “Don’t worry I get. How could we ever be friends, right? I’m just boring old Y/N, nothing special or someone to remember.”

He shook his head harshly. “But I do.” Slightly Harry hesitated before he continued talking, as he wasn’t sure how she’d react. “I remember our night together, as well. Actually, that must be my favorite memory of ours.” He confessed, biting his lip from talking too much about it. It was embarrassing for him to admit it, but he remembered it so clearly that it could’ve happened just a few hours ago. How he wished it had happened just a few hours ago, giving him the time to make it right this time around.

But he couldn’t, so all he was able to do was reminisce the memory.

It was an average night, another frat party hosted by one of his friends. People getting drunk. Some making out and others dancing the night away, when he had seen her. His mouth flew open, not because of the way she looked but because she was at a party, which he had never seen her before. That’s why he didn’t think twice before he tasted up to her, to make sure she was alright and wasn’t just lost. When she reassured him that she was alright, a tingly feeling didn’t leave his body and he wondered if she was there because of him. And what happened afterward made him think that she was, as kisses were shared and their hands were busy with exploring each other’s bodies, finding the sweet spots that would make each other weak. He never knew lips could taste so sweet, making him so addicted to her taste and even after they were done, he later in bed next to her, holding her close to his chest and admiring her beauty. She felt so unreal and he couldn’t believe what had just happened, as she always seemed like the shy girl who would never make a move but Harry was glad she did because he felt too insecure to do it also.

But now he wondered if the night was truly a good idea when he saw her shocked expression. How did they end up here?

“Of course you do! You only have a one-track mind! But I do not and I remember you ruining my first date, I remember you making me trip over my own feet and falling onto my face in front of everyone and I also remember you being an asshole and making fun of me for everything I’ve done with your friends! You made me an outcast, more than I already felt that I was.” Her voice was a lot louder than before and a vein popped up on her neck, indicating the anger inside of her. Furiously she waved her arms around, as he watched her in shock. Why did he mention that? It was already embarrassing enough for her to know that she only went there for him. “You know what? Leave. I’ll find something on my own and I’ll let you know once I do.”

“Y/N–“

“–leave, before I make you.” Her voice was stern, and she coldly watched him leave with an apologetic look in his eyes but she didn’t care. How dare he bring that night up when he was the one denying ever sleeping with her in front of everyone and made her feel as if she was being used? Whatever, or however, it led to them clinging to each other’s bodies breathlessly, Y/N knew it wasn’t going to happen again.

Guilt. That’s all Y/N felt in that moment, as guilt seemed to eat her up from the inside while she was caressing a sick Jupiter. His head was laid on her couch, while his shortness of breath took even more of his energy away. He hardly made any noises or moved around the house or the garden, worrying Y/N more.

That’s why she, partly, felt guilty. Maybe she shouldn’t have let her anger take the upper hand and just worked this out with Harry. Maybe then Jupiter would be better now.

The other part wondered why she had been so rude to him. After all, she was used to him poking fun at her but she didn’t think he’d bring up that night. It was a one-time thing, even Harry said so the day after and Y/N learned to accept it along the way. If it never was anything eventful to him, then how dare he say that he remembered the night the best?

“How are you doing, baby?” Y/N shushed when he buried his face deeper into the soft surface, while her fingers massaged small circles into the back of his head. Usually, he would have responded to her by melting into her touch or perking his ears by, solely because of her voice. But right now he didn’t even move, only letting the pressure of her hand soothe him. “Not great?” She asked, hoping for a clear answer to an obvious question. When he didn’t reply either, her heart sank deeper into the pits of her stomach.

She can’t lose him. Not only was he her little helper, but also the only companion she had.

That’s why Harry appeared a little while later at her front doorstep, with his usual grin but if she didn’t know any better she’d say she found guilt in his eyes. Even if it was just the tiniest bit.

“Couldn’t stay away from me, could you?” He asked, trying to mask his urge to apologize away. The way she seemed so stressed, made him feel guilty. Because after all, it was his fault. It was his doing. If it wasn’t for him, she would’ve lived her life the way she’d before with no disturbance and she wouldn’t constantly form those worry wrinkles on her forehead.

She scoffed. “I did it for forty years before you showed up on my doorsteps.” Dangerously she pointed her finger at his chest and then at herself, before sliding the door wider open, so he could walk in. With big footsteps, he strutted his way back inside her cozy living room, which seemed to be a lot warmer than it had been the last time, as the fireplace seemed to be lit and the fresh smell of cinnamon lingered in the air.

“That’s true.” He hesitantly agreed with her as he watched her walk into her little kitchen, where the door was wide open, revealing a tea kettle on the stove. Harry guessed that’s where the cinnamon scent came from. His eyes lingered on her, as he watched her carefully filling up two cups. With her hands, she pushed her silky hair behind her ears, as the ponytail couldn’t keep every strand from her face. He wondered why she called him again when the past days he has been doubting ever hearing from her again. But the answer was as clear as day, when he saw the sick cat laying on the couch, crouched into a ball, with no intention of moving. Now he felt guilty when he saw the innocent animal suffering from his consequences. His cold rings made a sound when they came in contact, as he formed a fist, to keep his emotions at bay. He has become cruel, hasn’t he? But he already knew that when he didn’t flinch when it came to killing other witches. It’s almost scary to think how easy it was to take someone’s life and that he had taken multiple. Would she ever believe him, if he’d confess that to her or would Y/N think that he was bluffing? Either way, Harry knew that he had done those cruel crimes and a part of him will never forgive himself, even though he didn’t do it because of an unsaturated bloodlust but because he needed their powers to complete a spell. A spell, that would bring justice to people who didn’t deserve to die yet. A bit hypocritical, isn’t it? He wanted to bring people back while he killed others. How could he ever judge whose life is more worth than the other? Yet, he did it.

To soothe his throbbing headache, that always formed whenever he overthinks too much, he tried to rub the kitty's ears, hoping to get a reaction from him. But he didn’t do anything, besides breathing, and he was shocked when he didn’t even fight him back. He was that powerless and Harry had to swallow a big lump down his throat. Jupiter needed the antidote. Fast.

No wonder why Y/N hated him. If she’d done something like this to his familiar, Millie, a beautiful bat, he would’ve gone crazy. She was his companion, the one that occasionally saved his ass from getting hurt. So maybe he deserved to feel guilty for putting Y/N and her cat through that, but Y/N wasn’t even aware of his feelings when he was so good at masking them away. Especially now when she saw Harry touching Jupiter, while she brought both of them a cup of tea. Instantly she tensed up, alarmed if he tried to do something worse to him because at this point she couldn’t read his intentions. Or ever, if Y/N was being honest.

She was ready to throw the burning hot tea at Harry if she had to and she wasn’t going to hesitate. He wouldn’t get away with worsening Jupiter’s state, as Y/N constantly feared how much longer he had till his breathing would stop.

But to his luck, he didn’t harm the cat, instead, he softly caressed the white fur and slowly rubbed smooth circles onto his skin.

Usually, Y/N would be in awe, staring at such an adorable interaction but her mouth turned sour when she saw his satisfied face. It bothered her how he looked so careless while doing so. Doesn’t he feel any empathy for the sick cat? Does he think that that'll make everything better?

“Don’t touch him.” Y/N only let him know, catching him off guard as he didn’t hear her approaching him. He pulled his hand away from him, dividing his attention to her, as she put the white cup on the coffee table. A tiny drop fell from the porcelain and landed right on her black jeans but she didn’t seem to notice when she took a seat opposite of Harry, creating some distance. Not as much as she did previously but enough for bystanders to see her obvious dislike towards him. “He’s feeling bad enough.”

“I wasn’t try–”

“–wasn’t trying to what? Kill him this time around?” She scoffed, as she rolled her eyes at him. There was no excuse for why he did what he did because if Jupiter would die, it would leave Y/N completely alone, with no little helper or her magical companion. Of course, there had been witches who had lost their familiars, and most of them came out just fine but it’ll take time to get over such a heavy loss and it’ll take a while to fix the toll that it took on their magic. Besides, Y/N would be completely alone. She wasn’t surrounded by family or friends, she was already lonely but without him, she’d simply run wild. To talk to no one seemed like such a bad nightmare and she couldn’t imagine being left alone with her thoughts all the time.

Harry sighed, when he rubbed his sweaty hands on his brown, baggy pants, trying so hard to find the right words and he immediately came up with good excuses, threats and even lies but when he looked into her eyes, they had gone down the drain. Something about her made his heartbeat pick up on speed, and somehow he felt nervous. Something he hadn’t felt in a very long time and it scared it but he wasn’t really shocked. He had feared when he came to her that she’d still have the same effect on him as she did back in their college years and he hated it.

It had been 40 years, and he still couldn’t deny the warmth that grasped him when he caught a glimpse of her. What was wrong with him? After all, no one ever left behind such a lasting image but somehow, the once shy girl he had gotten to know for three years, did.

“I know this may not mean a lot to you but I promise” He stopped to grasp her hand. His movements were too fast for Y/N to see them coming, catching her clearly off guard which contributed to him clutching her hand tightly, just for a second. “I promise, I won’t let him die.” For a moment she considered looking away from him, ignoring him or even making her disappear but the earnestness in his voice changed her mind and she forced herself to look into his green eyes. The usual harshness or playfulness was nowhere to be seen, he looked rather soft, rather vulnerable, she may even dare to say so.

Slowly she nodded, steadying her breath as her mind was trying to catch up on everything that had happened. After 40 years the guy, whom she was madly in love with in college, comes back. But he had also rejected her and poisoned her familiar on purpose to get her help him.

This sounded like a cheap, Halloween episode of a telenovela and somehow her head started hurting when she thought of it like that. Her life was truly crazy and she couldn’t stop herself from blaming him for bringing her all the crazy.

Harry still held her hands tightly, their legs were touching each other, due to his scooting closer to her and when he saw her open her mouth, he hoped he’d forgive her, as foolish as it may sound. “Over there.” Was all she said breathlessly, even a little bit irritated.

He furrowed his eyebrows confused. “What?”

“The books are over there.” She let go of his hand, awkwardly coughing to mask her embarrassment away and point towards her bookshelf.

Of course she wasn’t going to forgive him, but he couldn’t blame her. He wasn’t sure if he was going to forgive himself, after everything but why would it matter? His souls belonged in hell from the start. He’d burn nevertheless when his time comes. “I know.” He laughed. “I can see them.” His intense stare made her feel exposed and the smell of his cologne gave her a dejavu, so she stood up quickly to run towards her shelf. He still smelled the same, she noticed and she wondered if he still used the same cologne or if it was just the way he usually smelled. Either way it felt too intimate for her own liking.

“No, I’d been searching on my own and I think we can narrow your problem down to those books. They’re our best shot at finding a way to lift the curse. I think.” She really hoped she was right, not only for Jupiter’s sake but also because of her own. She pointed her fingers towards a section of books and when Harry stepped closer his eyes widened.

“Don’t you think I need more enhanced books?” He scoffed, crossing his arms in front of her chest. Was she being serious when she picked those? Most witches used those for practice, for jokes to mess with others, not to lift curses. It couldn’t be so easy, could it?

She shrugged her shoulders, when she picked one up and walked towards her couch again. “I don’t think so. You said, she used a rune, right?” Reluctantly he nodded. “Then it wasn’t a strong spell, rather something quick that can be broken easier than cursing rituals. If she meant for you to never use magic again, then she would’ve done something else.” Y/N argued, while he did not try to get the last word by correcting her. She most likely wanted to harm him, she just didn’t have the time. After all, she was dying but Y/N didn’t need to know that. “Besides how stubborn does she have to be over a bad date, right?”

A small laugh escaped Harry’s plush lips at her statement. “We witches are very stubborn. It’s in our nature, I suppose.” Y/N truly had no idea what Harry was capable of and that relieved him because he’d rather be a bully than a murderer, even if he had his reasons. She wouldn’t understand him and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t understand himself either if he could think rationally.

“I guess so.” Y/N murmured when she felt attacked, even though he didn’t talk in a teasing manner, nor was he looking judgmentally at her. Yet she wondered if he was referring to their incidents and how she still held a grudge over him. Was she taking it too far? She lowered her gaze, when Harry’s grin dropped.

“Di–”

“–we should get started!” And with those words she opened the one in her hand quickly before she started reading, or at least she was good at pretending to read.

Harry sighed, when she didn’t look up anymore and confusion rushed over his body. He only saw her tensing up and her eyes opening widely, signaling that she was uncomfortable. Did he say something wrong? He really wanted to find out what just happened and what he had missed but he knew he wouldn’t find any answers, knowing how confusing she was. He didn’t even get answers from over 40 years ago and he wasn’t going to get any now. That’s why he dropped the topic, grabbed a book and made himself comfortable, in hopes to find the solution to his dilemma.

As he was trying to read, he heard the cat breathing harshly that somehow matched Y/N’s and for some time, she enjoyed his company, just the way she enjoyed the company of strangers in a cafe, whenever she was there to read.d It made the words roll off her tongue so much easier. For a moment too long he let his gaze linger, softening whenever a crease would form between her eyebrows, as she started to overthink, since she didn’t know why he was looking at her. Did he think she was weird, or even odd? In college everyone used to refer to her as the weird misfit. But little did she know, that Harry never saw her in that way and many others didn’t either. 

Though she knew what he was here for and what else he still had to get, something inside of him started twisting, letting his tummy do backflips. Somehow he remembered their old days together and he wondered if she still liked her fruit to be cut in little squares and if she still thought that Charles Dickens books were all too dense and dry, or if she had changed her mind. There was so much he didn’t know bout her that once came to him so naturally and even though he never tried to reach out to her, he felt guilt for everything that went wrong. Sometimes he wondered if anything would be different now if he had spoken up and never listened to his friends. He wished he had enough time to find a way to turn back time and make everything right and he could only hope that Y/N would do the same, if she had the chance to. But he figured it wasn’t of any importance as he had something else planned for her future already.

“Why are you staring at me?” She suddenly asked, breaking the silence. “I can’t read like that.” Her voice was calm with a tiny bit of annoyance. After all, she was helping him and he can be decent enough to try to participate.

Harry nodded his head. “Yes. Of course. Sorry.” And bit on his tongue to not let any more words come out. If she wanted to say something, she would, right?

While Y/N’s fingers were going from page to page, the only thing motivating her to keep going was Jupiter. She had to find a solution and she felt a tingly sensation inside of her, whenever she came closer.

Both witches worked in silence, while Y/N occasionally sipped on her tea and Harry just left it on the coffee table, completely forgetting about it, once he concentrated on the letters in front of him. The two were stubborn enough to keep going and quickly the sun was ready to disappear, when a loud thud chimed through her living room. Frightened, Y/N held her hand to her chest as she felt her heart racing and Harry looked around, to locate where the sound came from. But he quickly realised that it must have come from the front door, when Y/N’s eyes fixated on it. “Should I look?” He asked, unsure if she wanted him to do anything and usually he wouldn’t ask but just do it, as it was usually in his nature to protect those around him. A trait his mother always valued for her children to have, as she never wanted them to use their powers to harm. If Harry was honest, he wasn’t sure if he should still call himself that when lately he had only done harm to others.

Y/N shook her head. “I can do it.” She declined his offer because she was always the first one to say that she doesn’t need a man. Especially because she was a witch, a good one at that. Besides, she was the only one with working magic. If anyone could protect them, then it was her. With steady steps, she walked towards the front door until she could grab the cold doorknob. Slowly she steadied her breath and prepared herself to fight, just in case if she had to before twisting the metal.

It could’ve been adventurous people who liked to explore the woods, or maybe even her neighbours. She hadn’t seen them in a very long time, neither do they live close to her but it was a possibility, or maybe another witch felt her presence and wanted to drop by. She wouldn’t think that it was possible but if Harry had found her, then she really had to work on her protection spell and make the barrier harder.

But what she came face to wasn’t something he had expected. At first she stared into the dark woods, no one around until she looked down. For a moment she was scared, ready to slam the door shut but when her brain started processing, realisation hit her.

“Millie?” Harry asked from behind her, gently pushing Y/N away from the door to get a better look at the bruised bat. “Are you alright, love?” He crouched down, softly nudging his familiar with his nail polished fingers before taking her into his big hand.

“Millie.” She repeated shallowy, not trying to catch Harry’s attention as more and more memories came to her. “Millie.” She said again but this time with more strength behind her voice and more confidence. “She… she’s your familiar, right?”

Harry nodded, still looking at the tiny bat. “Yeah.” Carefully he rubbed her head, while he looked for any injuries on her wings, her most fragile body part. “How would you know?” He asked, still not looking up.

Y/N hesitated. How did she know his familiar? She had to stiffen her laughter when she remembered Millie always waiting in front of the school building when Harry had classes. Millie would never leave his side, even when he wasn’t sure of her presence. Back then Y/N still hadn’t found her Jupiter, and all she longed for was such a strong, loyal and beautiful companion and at times she’d catch herself feeling jealous when she saw Harry interacting with the bat. “She always waited for you outside the buildings.” Y/N finally answered when Harry was done inspecting the animal and grazed over to her.

“She did?”

Y/N nodded quickly. “Every time. She likes grasshoppers, right?” If Harry wasn’t confused before, he most definitely was confused right now. She knew what Millie liked? His eyes were following the smaller witch rum through her cabinets, until she found what she was looking for. A big jar filled with –Harry suspected them to be grasshoppers– came into his sight. “Would she like some?” She asked Harry, who still stood there perplexed, but Millie wasn’t and started flying around the jar and Y/N. For a brief moment he saw Y/N smiling, and immediately a comfortable warmth captured him. Even if he didn’t want to admit that, he had missed seeing her smile and her eyes crinkle when she did that. “Alright, girl. Take as many as you want.” With that she opened the jar, putting it on the coffee table for Millie to reach easily whenever she wanted.

“When did you meet her?” Harry asked, when he kept his gaze towards his feeding familiar. Even if Harry trusted Y/N, he wasn’t sure if she’d poison Millie. After all, he couldn’t and wouldn’t blame her if she did, after everything her little cat has to go through because of his selfish reasons.

She shrugged her shoulder, with tilted lips while she was watching Millie as well. “I think I met her on the day when I made the bird poop on y–”

“–I knew that was you!”

Y/N laughed, nodding her head. “Pretty sure she was following me around because of the grasshoppers in my bag.”

“I should’ve known.” Harry shook his head, when an almost invisible smile grazed his lips. He should’ve known that something was up, when the bird seemed to follow him around the whole day and embarrassed him at the most inconvenient moments. Of course, he has suspected Y/N but she was so damn good at lying, or he believed her too quickly.

“I don’t know how you didn’t. It was a pretty basic spell.” She shrugged, giving him an almost judging look.

He rolled his eyes. “Not as basic as you having a white cat. Were black cats out of stock?” A mocking tone in his voice made Y/N glare at him.

“Funny.” She laughed sarcastically, when she grabbed the book again, signaling Harry that she was done with the conversation. “And what are you? Wannabe-Batman?” Even though Y/N scoffed rudely, Harry bit into his bottom lip to keep his smile hidden. It was just so damn easy to piss her off.

“Batman doesn’t even have a bat as a pet. He’s scared of them.”

“Whatever smartass, just grab a book.” She rolled her eyes behind the book while she started reading the paragraph where she had stopped. Slowly, but surely Y/N was getting closer to an answer. She only needed to find a spell, a rune or maybe just a potion to make to break the rune and free his magic channel. Since Harry and her were natural witches, born with the powers of a witch, it was harder to detect where their magic came from. So she guessed it would be easier to look for a way to break the spell, instead of reopening his source. If he were a borrower, they would have hat to detect the demon who gave him the magic in exchange for his soul, which might have been a tricky way as demons loved to twist and turn everything they say to their liking and after not being in contact with one of those black eyed spirits, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to detect their shenanigans. Slowly she peeked over her book to see Harry deeply focused on his own and Jupiter still laying in the same position. The only difference was that Millie was gone and the sun seemed to be completely swallowed by the darkness. With one swift snap she turned every light on, catching Harry off guard. She guessed, he wasn’t expecting that.

“Have you found something?” He asked, when she got up, to look through her drawers again, not giving him an answer. So he tried again. “Do you know what to do?”

She only hummed, frustrating Harry. Why did she have to be so dramatic? Couldn’t she just tell him?

“Shit.” She cursed underneath her breath when she closed the drawer, folding her arms in front of her chest. Quickly Harry stood up but before he could get closer to her, to have a look at her drawers himself, she put her hand up. “I think I know what we need to do but I don’t have every ingredient.”

“What is missing?” He asked slowly.

She sighed. “We need a female frog’s eye, some mouse bones and some witches blood.”

“That shouldn’t be too ba–”

“–a witch who can use black and white magic.” She interrupted before Harry gulped. Should Harry confess that he had the right blood? He wasn’t sure if it was enough, but he must have enough on his clothes but how would he explain that to her? He couldn’t just confess what he had done, elsewise he would never get what else he needed from her and she was sure she’d kill him on the spot, while he couldn’t even defend himself. “We’ll never get that!”

He scratched the back of his head, felt the curls sticking onto him as sweat drops dripped down his back. “I might have some.”

Immediately her head shot towards her with a raised eyebrow and slightly shocked expression. “You do?” He nodded slowly. He hoped she wouldn’t ask him any further questions. “How?” But he wasn’t lucky. 

Harry tried his best to laugh it off as his brain screamed through various explanations. “A friend once gave me some.” And of course he had to come up with the most unbelievable one! Sceptically Y/N looked at him up and down, as she notices his thumb running over his tattoos. She was familiar with him doing that, as it was his habit whenever he lied. 

“A friend?” She could smell the bullshit from miles away, as no witch would give their blood, not even to a friend. They need what damage and harm it could bring if someone had would take possession of it. Their blood can be used for the most powerful spells, such as casting hell fire on earth. There was no way Harry just got it from a friend. When Y/N was thinking more and more about it, she came to the conclusion that the person wasn’t a friend but rather his victim and Harry could sense that, as her breath hitched in the back of her throat. Would he do that? 

Would she figure out his secret?

His heart was beating fast in his ribcage and he could practically hear it in his ear. “I… I know ho– how that sounds, alright? But she owned me a favour.” He lied through gritted teeth, hoping she’d ignore his trembling voice. Had she put something inside his tea or why was it so hard for him to lie to her? 

“I–” Y/N started but stopped herself to take a quick breather. Did it really care how he got it? Was she really going to question his morals when she used to torture innocent people as well to get what she wanted? Not too long ago, she’d rip people's fingernails off or break their teeth, just so she could cast a spell for her own selfish purposes and nobody was there to judge her. It was practically in their nature to harm and if Harry had done it, she shouldn’t be surprised, right? Even if she couldn’t see the dork from forty years ago harm anyone, she had to admit that he might not be the same person anymore and truly didn’t know what he was capable of and she had no time to figure it out when Jupiter was still suffering. “–ok.” She exhaled sharply. “It doesn’t matter. You have it. We need it. That’s all I need to know.” A heavy weight fell off of Harry’s broad shoulders, when he sighed in relief. He wasn’t sure if he’d continue lying to her if she’d ask more questions.

Thankfully Harry gave her a small smile and opened his mouth to say something when Millie came flying through the open kitchen window, interrupting their intense stare, as both of them focused on the flying bat above them.Harry couldn’t have been more thankful to his familiar because she didn’t know what he wanted to say, if he was honest. Worry was still visible on Y/N’s face as lines formed between her eyebrows but she didn’t say anything. She needed him to get out of her life and give Jupiter the antidote. At least that’s what she thought when she watched Millie fly closely to her familiar, before she dropped something next to his head. Before Y/N could react, Jupiter lifted his head to see a dead mouse laying next to him and Y/N realised what was happening. “I think Millie is trying to cheer him up.” Harry explained in a surprised voice. He hadn’t seen his familiar so awfully nice to strangers, especially cats as they seemed to love hurting bats. Just one little scratch on her wings, and it would leave her scarred forever, maybe even take her ability to fly, if it was serious. 

Y/N nodded, as she didn’t need his explanation. “I think they’re friends.” She said when she was taken back by Jupiter using his tiny bit of energy to look up at what Milli had brought him. He wouldn’t even look when Y/N was scratching his back or when Harry gave her attention and for a moment a sad smile adorned her face. “Maybe we could be too… one day.” She let her thoughts run wild, not caring what he was thinking about her statement, if he would even want that but Y/N was able to see a blooming friendship between them forty years ago and maybe they hadn’t lost their chance yet.  They’d have to unpack many things before that but that possibility wasn’t completely out the picture, as Harry didn’t seem to have any bad intentions in mind and he hadn’t done anything else to her white cat. So maybe he wasn’t all bad?  Harry smiled ruefully at her statement, as he knew that it was never going to happen. But yet he just gave her a tiny wink to an unknown Y/N. She was naive because, no matter how hard it felt for Harry to admit it, she didn’t suspect that her blood was going to be on his clothes next.

“You haven’t been to the witches market?” She shook her head, as he waited for her to get out of her house. Hesitantly she glimpsed inside her living room where Jupiter was laying on the rug, tiredly watching what Millie was doing, as she seemed to be eating one of the treats Y/N had prepared for her. “Where do you get your stuff from then?” He asked and waited for her to catch up with his pace.

She mumbled. “I don’t really do that kinda magic anymore. I’ve got everything I need right here.” Y/N tapped her foot against her own land, looking proudly at the small house with the much bigger garden. She hardly ever needed to buy anything, due to the many vegetables and fruits she had planted and she never needed anything for her witchcraft, because if she used her magic it was for the most simple things that didn’t require any books or ingredients, that were difficult to find, at all.

“You have a pond right in front of your house. Don’t think you could find a frog or a mouse here?” He pointed at the small water that was just a few feet’s away. “Pretty sure we wouldn’t have to buy those.”

Disgusted, she screwed up her face and put her arms on her hips, staring at him with an irritated look, as if he was talking utter nonsense. “I won’t harm an innocent animal!” She spoke obviously, almost as if he should have expected her answer.

“No?” She shook her head before rolling her eyes, giving him an answer to his phrased question. A part of her understood and knew where he came from. Most witches preferred to use animals, insects or plants straight from nature and they didn't shy away from taking them out of their natural habitat. Y/N used to be like that too. It’s hard not to, when every witch she had looked up to did that but the more years passed, the more she decided for herself that she wasn’t going to do that. Harming, hurting or killing animals wasn’t her preferred method, or at least she didn’t want to do that herself. “You’ve changed then. Because we even used to read from The Book Of The Damned in between classes for fun.” Harry continued, when he tightened his scarf around his neck, so he wouldn’t have to freeze in the cold winter.

Y/N shook her head, not trying to say no but to stop him from talking about that book. “We were being stupid. I shouldn’t have this book in the first place, or brought it with me.” It had been in her family for many, many centuries and if it were up to Y/N, she’d say for way too many. Even though it was their family’s pride and Y/N didn’t want to know how her great-great-grandmother had gotten a hold of those handwritten pages but to her, it had only brought pain and suffering for everyone. Nothing good came from it, as witches always fought about who it should belong to and even the spells required worse than sacrificing your loved ones. According to her, no one should have so much power and if she would’ve been wiser 40 years ago, she would’ve never taken and messed with it. But she was so naive and stupid.

“So, you still have it?” He asked carefully but when she nodded her head, he breathed the warm air out that he wasn’t even aware of holding in. He was relieved but the way she started frowning after hearing the book's title, he guessed she wasn’t as adventurous as she once used to be. Has something happened to her, or did she just grow up?

His eyes were still fixated on her and she sensed how he wanted to ask more questions about it, much to her dislike. That's why she picked up her pace and walked in front of him, directly towards her little pond. “So, should we walk or steal a car?” She asked instead and smiled to show him that she was just joking but he couldn’t see her and immediately he widened his eyes. It was impossible for them to walk and taking a car would take them days, something Jupiter clearly would not survive. Has it really been so long that she didn’t remember where it was?

“What? We aren’t going to steal a car, when we could take mine. But it would take too long. I don’t thi–”

“–calm down. I was kidding.” She stopped his mumbling by interrupting him and holding her hand up in the air while staring at the beautiful scenery in front of her. Thick, tall and dark trees were reflected in the dark water, while butterflies and dragonflies surrounded the green grass. Many leaves were covering the floor, as the weather got colder but Y/N didn’t mind. She likes the colours, as if they were painting the world in a brand new tone. It was a perfect place, many would probably say that it looked scary but what could scare Y/N if she was the one people should fear? That’s why she felt at ease whenever she looked out her window and that’s why she preferred to use it as a mirror, to teleport herself to different places, if they were too far away to reach by foot and not some boring, old mirror, how everybody else does. “Wouldn’t want you getting comfortable here.” She half heartedly joked. She definitely didn’t want him around her but she also couldn’t deny the fact that she was getting used to his company, even if it more often seemed to annoy her than bring her joy. “And I knew you couldn’t walk a mile in those” She eyed his shoes suspiciously. “carnival boots.”

Embarrassed, his mouth popped open and he glanced at his shoes as he was trying to hide them somehow. He didn’t think that his shoes looked bad, quite the opposite actually. He remembered when he saw them for the first time. It had been just a few years ago, when he walked by a fancy small Italian shoe company in the middle of Milan and they had immediately caught his eye. Long story short he fell in love and bought them without trying them on. For years he had worn them occasionally, whenever he wanted to spice up his outfit and he never felt bad about them. Well, until now. Now, he’s wondering if they looked like cheap boots mortals wore when they liked to play dress up.

While he was debating silently in his head if the expensive purchase was worth it, Y/N could read his expressions like an open book. It wasn’t hard when he hit the inside of his cheeks and rubbed at his slight stubble with two of his fingers. “I’m kidding. Again.” She added when she felt the guilt kicking her in her guts. Of course, she never meant it in a harmful way but rather as an attempt of teasing him, just how he always teased her. But she guessed he was more insecure. She didn’t know that and if she were honest, he made those ridiculous looking shoes look expensive, and somehow he could pull them off. “They look good on you.” Once his eyes dared to look back into hers, she gave him a small reassuring smile and walked a few steps towards him, until she could squeeze his biceps. “I was just trying to tease you, curly.”

“Curly?” He cocked his left eyebrow upwards. “Haven’t been called that since... college.”

She let her hand linger on his arm, without noticing. “Well, I gave you that nickname.” And he remembered the day when she had done so. It had been one of their usual study sessions, where they’d be lounging around in the library intending to get work done but most of the time they’d share their favorite tapes and Harry would try to convince her that he could do all the dances from footloose. Now thinking back, he definitely could not dance as good and he was happy that he’d never shown her. He would’ve embarrassed himself. But when they were concentrated on their work, she recognized how just one strand of hair would always fall on his forehead, dangle right between his eyes and annoy him by doing so. He always tried to slick that hair back but no matter how much product he used, that curl was stubborn. And that’s where she had gotten the nickname from. She always loved the wild strands of curly hair and she’d always complain if he used too much product, as she liked his natural way more, or at least that’s what she had said back then.

Immediately his heart picked up on speed, while she allowed herself to drift off to a distant memory for a short time till she got drawn back into reality by birds chirping around her. “We should get going.” She only said, when her stomach started spinning and she wondered if his curls still smelled the same. She wondered if they still smelled like cinnamon and apples and if they felt as soft as they looked in between her fingers. “We can use the water as a portal.” He silently agreed and watched her walk towards the water, when she finally reached the small pond, she mumbled a quick spell. “Aperi mihi quid cogito portal, quae praestat eam. Ibi me accipere.” Within seconds a reflection was seen in the water and he immediately recognized those streets like the ones that lead to the very famous witches market. A few witches were already walking down those old lanes that were made out of red clay many, many years ago. “Let’s go before it closes.” She informed him and stuck her arm into the water, immediately getting sucked into the other side of the mirror without getting wet. Almost as if she had never touched the wet surface. Harry quickly followed her and all he felt was a harsh wind brush through his hair and he stood next to her, in the middle of the street while the bright sun was shining at them while he dusted off his clothes and she combed through her hair with her fingers. No one even cared to see what had happened, as they were used to such a simple spell.

“Do you know where to get them?”

“No.” She shook her head and pressed her lips to a thin line. Anxiety was making itself presentable in her body when she nervously looked around. Somehow she felt out of place and scared that she wouldn’t find it, after all these years of not visiting this place and she was shocked to see that it still looked the same. Just the air felt too thick to breathe and she wasn’t as comfortable as she once used to be, when she imagined everybody staring and pointing their fingers at her, while, in reality, no one was paying her any attention. Harry didn’t seem to notice her anxious behavior when he curiously looked around the market, carefully eyeing every item, as he didn’t want to miss what they were here for.

Y/N truly tried to calm herself down, telling herself that she had been in this situation before. Numerous times, actually, and her earliest memories were from her early childhood, as her mother would always make her tag her along. Back then, she wasn’t so anxious, and would run around the place and touch everything that came to her sight but who would expect anything less from an energetic child?

But now everything was different. She was older now and knew what she should do and what she shouldn’t do and that’s what scared her. She didn’t want to do anything that she wasn’t supposed to and somehow it frightened her so much that she’d rather crawl into her little house and never come out again. A trait she wished she could let go of but it was easier said than done.

Her mother used to advise her to take some substances that mortals used as well to calm themselves down and she had tried them all before. And even if they helped her for a little while, it wasn’t long enough to satisfy her health.

That’s why she’s left alone in her headspace, creating all those scenarios that could –but wouldn’t– happen, without any help to calm herself down.

“Y/N, are you coming?” Harry asked when he saw her frozen on the same spot, while he had spent the past couple of minutes roaming around. Worriedly he frowned, staring at her shocked state. She looked as if she’d seen a ghost. Her eyes were shot wide open, mouth trembling and sweat starting to form on her hairline. Softly he touched her hand, only to realize that her whole body was stiff and that she was so cooped up in her world that she didn’t even notice him standing right in front of her. “Y/N?” He asked again but he didn’t receive an answer yet, just her absent eyes looking past him. “Y/N?” He spoke with Mir certainty and volume this time, somewhat catching her attention, as her eyes darted to him but she didn’t talk yet. Gently, he grabbed her arm, dragging her to one of the less crowded sidewalks. When the sun wasn’t shining directly at them anymore, her hands started to shake, resulting in Harry gripping her tighter than before, scared that she might faint.

For a while, no one said anything, as distraught Y/N tried to control her thoughts and a stressed Harry searched for a solution.

“I–” Y/N started and stopped herself but when she opened her mouth again, no words came out. She looked like a fish out of the water and somehow she felt like one as well. “–I ca–” She tried, she tried to finish her sentence but her dry mouth, her fast-thinking brain, and those trembling lips, made it almost impossible to do so and luckily Harry caught onto it and didn’t make her finish. Instead, he pulled her closer to his chest, holding her steady while her eyes were tearing up.

Gently Harry brushed through her hair, as he looked down at her. “It’s ok. Everything’s going to be just fine.” He shushed when he felt her hands gripping his clothes and her unsteady breathing rhythm messing with his own. “I got you. I’m right here.” After those words, a silence overcame them and the only thing Harry was focused on was her breathing and making sure that she didn’t start bawling her eyes out. Not that he wouldn’t hold her if she’d wet his clothes but he would be worried about what to do next if she decided to cry. Something was getting to her and he wanted to know what it was so he could make her situation better. He had never seen her like this and that somehow scared him. It scared him because he didn’t know what to do and he hated feeling clueless. While other people were passing them, shooting them annoyed or sometimes worried glances, he just ignored them all and gave her his whole attention, even if she wasn’t saying anything. But it calmed him down knowing that when he rubbed her back, she didn’t feel as tense anymore and that her grip loosened around his coat. “How are you feeling?” He asked once he was sure that her breathing was back to normal.

For a second too long Y/N buried her face in his chest, taking his scent in, and allowing it to calm her down before she felt ready to talk. “I– 'm alright.” A scoff left Harry’s lips and Y/N didn’t have to look up to know that he was shaking his head.  She had expected him to say something like “bullshit” or accuse her of lying but he didn’t. Instead, he still held her and he was still rubbing her back with his backhands.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to tell me but…” He stops himself before he lets too much slip.  Should he say what he was about to say? Or will it be too much for her? “I’m here and I’ll listen.” Whatever selfish part inside of him believed that at that moment it was just the two of them, and no one else around them mattered, he let himself believe that. He let himself believe that he wasn’t by her side for more selfish reasons, instead of facing the truth. All he wanted was to pretend that he could be someone she could trust. And when her arms swung around him tightly, it was so easy for him to pretend.

For a short time, a silence overcame them and all she did was try to get her breathing under control. “Sometimes I get… anxious.” She admitted, which she had never done before. To be fair, there was no one in her life that she could say those words too but saying those words to Harry and holding so tightly onto him, as if her life depended on it, was never something she saw coming. Yet, he made her feel safe when the world was so scary and it immediately brought her back to their college years, when he used to be the one, making her feel comfortable. Even if it just was throughout their freshman year. She felt his hands rubbing her back, coaxing the anxiety to be drained from her body and making her feel relaxed enough to continue. “It doesn’t happen often an– and only when it’s cro– crowded.” Her voice sounded so hoarse and the way it cracked at the end, made a pain shot through him. With soft eyes he looked down at her, brushing her hair to one side, to get a better angle at her face.

“Can I hold your hand?”

“What?”

“You can squeeze it if you’re feeling uncomfortable, so I can know. My hand, I mean. You can squeeze my hand if it’s alright with you unless it won’t help you then you do–”

”–ok.” She interrupted his stuttering with a faint ghost of a smile and took his big hand into her own. Immediately he intertwined their fingers together as if he had been holding her hand all these years when he only got briefly the chance to. And when her skin touched him, both swore that those forty years had never happened, as electricity shot through their bodies, pulling them closer together.

For the rest of the day, she let him hold her hand, as they were searching for everything they needed and even though Y/N started to feel overwhelmed at times, Harry’s presence calmed her down. Enough at least so she was able to function. It felt odd to her that she hated his guts for so long when he didn’t seem as bad right now, especially since he hadn’t been an asshole to her and even sounded worried about her mental state.

She never thought she’d say this but she had to admit that she was wrong for being so stubborn. She was wrong for hating his guts so much because he might not be all bad. Of course, it doesn’t change what he had done to her but now she felt ready to at least listen to what he has to say.

And Harry felt that something was lingering in her mind when her mind would wander off and leave her zooming out on him, once they were back at her place. Her mouth was kept shut and she forbade herself from opening up, even when the silence had become so unbearable. She just wanted to know what he’d happened between them and why she didn’t hate him, even though she tried so hard.

But most importantly, she wondered if just a tiny fragment of him felt the same, so she’d get some closure.

The uncomfortable space captured them both immediately and once he sat down on her ugly rug, and Y/N made herself comfortable on her couch,  he had to admit that her floor was oddly comfortable and he finally understood how Y/N was able to sit on it.

Maybe this terrible looking thing was not so useless after all.

“Do you regret it?” She asked, breaking the silence that seemed to suffocate her. Apart of her wanted to stay quiet but she couldn’t anymore, not after everything they had talked about today and what he had confessed earlier. Could his words be true?

Harry looked at her in anticipation, while folding his hands in his lap. “Regret what?” He asked, wanting to make sure what she was referring to even though he knew exactly what she meant but yet she didn’t answer. She chose to stay quiet and that made Harry urge an answer out of her. Was she thinking the same thing? “Regret what, Y/N?”

For a long time, she stayed quiet, because what was he supposed to regret? Ever meeting her? Befriending her? Or was he supposed to regret that she thought there was more going on without realizing it? “The night at the party.” She mumbled when she tried to pin the time when everything went sour and she concluded that it had to be after the party, after their one night that could’ve to lead to something but didn’t.

Immediately he knew what she meant by that and he shook his head harshly. “No.” He spoke firmly and with strength in his voice because he wasn’t lying. He didn’t regret anything that had to do with her and he knew it was impossible for him to feel that way. But how did she not see that? How did she not know that? “Why would you think that? You left the next morning without an explanation. I thought you regretted it.” Slowly anger was burning in the pits of his stomach when he thought back to that day. He hadn’t done anything wrong, as he remembered him falling asleep with his head in his neck, thinking that they can finally kick off a relationship that was always ready to be built. Even though Harry couldn’t see his face, he swore he slept with a smile grazing his pink lips because he knew he was going to wake up next to her. But that never happened. She had left without saying a word and acted as if nothing ever happened. So, shouldn’t he be asking her that question?

“No, I di–”

“–Why did you leave?” Those words left his mouth quicker than he could think about them but he was glad that he had said them. He wanted, no needed, his closure. Did she just play with his heart? She shrugged her shoulders but it wasn’t a good enough answer for him, not after he had waited forty years to finally get an explanation. “Tell me, why did you leave?”

His eyes burned holes into her head until she stopped chewing her bottom lip and finally got her to crack open and let him know what was going through her head. “I… I was scared, ok? I didn’t know what to think.” She mumbled, almost impossible to hear but luckily Harry understood her but it didn’t give him any clarification.

“Really? That’s it? You didn’t know what to think?” He scoffed. That was it? She didn’t know what to think? That’s why she’d been ignoring him for such a goddamn long time? “You could’ve just talked to me!” It wasn’t his intention to sound so rude but he couldn’t help himself and spit his words out as if he was trying to get the poison out of his mouth.

Now it wasn’t Y/N’s turn to feel irritated and even a little bit angry. “Don’t you think I tried?” Annoyed, she crossed her arms in front of her chest, waiting for an answer that never came. He shrugged. How was he supposed to know when he felt like that he was the only one constantly trying. “You were always with your friends and… and I heard what you said to them.” Her eyes were searching for an answer in his green ones but got only met with more questions. He looked confused, as he didn’t know what he could’ve said to them that hurt Y/N so badly. She sighed defeatedly, as he seemed to want an answer from her. “You said you could never be interested in me.” She felt uneasy, confessing what she had heard when she only wanted to use the toilet and his friends were all sitting on the couch downstairs, completely drunk, and practically shouting.

It was right after Harry had fallen asleep next to her, with his head buried in her neck, and his hair tickling her face. Sweat was still covering their bodies and the mess they had made, could even make a blind person see what they had done not too long ago. But she didn’t mind. The only thing that she could hear was her fast-beating heart in her ears and the blood rushing to her cheeks whenever she saw Harry’s hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and the small scratches she had left in his arms. There were probably some on his back as well but she couldn’t see them.

Gently, she pushed Harry’s body away from her, so she could escape his hold and go to the bathroom. While her mind was still replaying what had just happened, a faint shouting pulled her back to reality. All she could remember was one of his friends asking how Harry could stand to be with her in the same room while another replied with how he only used Y/N for an easy fuck and that’s what Harry had said to them as well. That made her feel so extremely dirty, hard, and sad. Was she just an easy one night stand to him? A part of her didn’t want to believe those words but she couldn’t help and let them get to her head. Somehow the butterflies she had felt previously were gone and tears were evident in her eyes. His friends would always give her dirty looks whenever they’d see Harry and her together and Y/N had seen how much prettier girls than her, gave Harry hungry eyes. He flirted with all of them, so she couldn’t be anyone special, right?

Regret washed over him. He did? “Y/N, I–” When he saw the pain evident on her face, he gulped. He apparently did and he didn’t even know.

”–I figured it would be best to just forget about what had happened between us and you seemed to hate me anyways. So, it wasn’t too hard.” She felt her heart skip a beat painfully when she remembered how she had felt in that moment and she wondered if being stabbed by a knife would’ve been easier to go through.

A pain shot through his heart. Hate her? Never. “I never hated you.” He explained calmly, trying to see her eyes b she dodged his gaze because she didn’t want him to see her watery ones. She didn’t want to cry but this conversation frustrated her and brought her back all those feelings she never wanted to feel again. Heartbreaks suck, especially if you’re a stubborn witch who can’t let go of the past.

“Yes, you did! And you basically bullied me through the next years.” Her voice had gotten louder and the tears became more threatening, as they dared to roll down her cheeks at any time now. But she wondered if it was just her anger getting too much and making her so undeniably emotional.

“It wasn’t bu–”

“–don’t deny it! It makes it so much worse, Harry!” Her shoulders sank up and down heavily, as she tried to control her quick breathing but the tension was getting thicker and she didn’t know how much longer she could take it. “Ever since I went out on that date, you made my life a living hell. Why did you do that?” He was silent, trying to understand her. Did she really think he was bullying her? That was never his intention and he didn’t know how to tell her. “See! You can’t explain it yourself.”

She faced herself away from him, ready to get up and leave her living room when Harry let out a small whisper. “I was jealous.” And it took him a lot of courage to own up to his mistakes and explain why he did what he did. He always wanted closure from her and she should get the same.

Her mouth formed an ‘o’ shape and curiously furrowed her eyebrows. Jealousy? Now that she didn’t see coming. “What? Why?” She hissed when she heard how fragile her voice sounded but she didn’t care for long when she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. This situation was loaded with tension, frustration, anger and even some relief because both of them had waited forty years to talk about what had happened that caused everything else to turn so sour.

He took long breaths before he confessed what had scratched his fragile ego to cause him to be an asshole to her. And when he thought about it he felt like an absolute idiot but he couldn’t back out now. “Because you were able to ignore me, after everything and go out with that douche?” He scrunched up his face in disgust. “It didn’t even take you long to replace me.”

“No one could replace you.” She confessed, looking directly into Harry’s eyes. Electricity ran through her veins and suddenly the room felt so tiny, making it so much harder for her to breathe. She thinks she’ll never catch a break. For a moment both took their times to process what had happened, while looking at each other closely. They hadn’t even realised how close they had gotten to each other and only knew she noticed tiny freckles in his cheeks and nose, a tiny scar in his chin and how long his eyelashes were.

And he finally registered her beautiful features and even the smaller details that made her skin so unique and all he wanted to do was to touch her cheeks and caress each and every spot. Only now he realised how his chest was so close to her legs and his hands slowly grabbed her knees, pushing her legs apart. He never stopped looking at her, to make sure she wanted him to touch her. For a short moment she let Harry’s hands wander and closed her eyes to just feel him, as the stare had gotten too intense for her liking. All she wanted to feel was Harry’s soft hands making her feel appreciated and somehow even managed to comfort her and make the tension disappear step by step.

Carefully his hands rubbed against her thighs, while he was watching her from between her legs. Her breath hitched when her gaze met with his hungry eyes and an undeniable flame erupted within her, asking for more fuel to grow bigger. She could feel his cold rings through her black jeans but it wasn’t uncomfortable as he rubbed his skin in hers thoroughly, warming her up. Y/N was able to see what Harry wanted to do and he made sure that she understood him.

His plump lips rubbed over the fabric she was wearing but even that small contact sent shivers down Y/N’s spine and how he was looking at her, as if she was the only one that mattered, made her feel more excited and nervous at the same time. She rubbed her sweaty palms against her rug, so Harry wouldn’t notice but he did and with a low, raspy voice he started asking. “Can I kiss you?” Slowly she nodded while biting her bottom lip. A one sided grin appeared in his face, when he kneeled between her legs and grabbed her face to pull her closer to him. He felt her hot breath on his nose when he caressed her heated cheek and wondered how her skin was able to be so soft. Deeply, he started into her eyes, counting the different specks of Color in them, when he thought back to all the restless nights he had dreamed of being that close to her again. And even if he was next to her because of the worst reasons, he had no choice but forget all about them, as she finally closed the gap between them and put her lips hard in his. Her hands immediately gripped the base of his neck, while he rested on her hips, drawing small circles on them. He felt her sigh against his mouth when he grabbed the flesh harder, giving him an opportunity to slide his tongue inside, which she gladly accepted.

His warm scent made her feel dizzy and the unsatisfied hunger kept her mouth going, keeping their lips dancing together rhythmically. She didn’t know for how long they kept going until she felt Harry’s hands trailing upwards, clearly playing with the hem of her shirt, almost as if he was waiting for her permission. With one last tug in his soft curls, she let go of him and mumbled a quiet “yes” against his lips to which he replied with a smile.

With a lot of anticipation she waited till Harry slid the shirt off of her, exposing her bra padded chest. She wasn’t wearing anything fancy, just a simple black bra but Harry made her feel so extremely beautiful when he stared at her with those hungry eyes, as if he was ready to swallow her whole.

The soft skin that looked like porcelain kept Harry in a trance and within seconds his mouth connected to her chest, kissing softly her neck and down to between her chest. God, she was stunning and Harry would’ve been drooling if he couldn’t control himself. She was prettier than any other girl he’s ever met and he was going to make sure that she knew. After all, how could anybody ever regret having her? It was impossible.

“May I?” Y/N asked when she gripped Harry’s shirt, pleading with her eyes to take off his clothes but much to her dislike he shook his head.

“It’s not about me tonight, darling.” With that he slid between her legs again, his head right in front of her middle. “Let me make you feel good. Let me make you scream my name. Please.” And the last word with the six letters, made her squirm. He was pleading, he was begging to pleasure her and Y/N couldn’t put it into words how wet he had gotten her with one, simple word. She couldn’t help but nod in anticipation. “Use words, baby. Tell me what you want.” His hands gave her thighs a tight squeeze, demanding a verbal answer. With every word Harry’s words got deeper and his eyes grew darker the longer it took for Y/N to answer him.

“Make me feel good, Harry.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I… I don–”

“–no lying, darling or I won’t give you anything.” “Now, let’s try again.” He leaned close to her ear. “Tell me. What–” He kissed her soft spot behind her ear. “–do–” His teeth picked at her delicate skin, making her hiss. “–you–” She knew he was leaving a mark, and she couldn’t care less when his tongue caressed the spot he had just bitten. “–want.” He finished his sentence with one last suck on that spot, still gripping her hips harshly and pulling away from her slightly so he could look into her excited eyes.

“I want you to take off my pants.”

He nodded. “As you wish.” Quickly his fingers grazed over the buttons, giving her one last look and when she gave him a hard nod, he grinned from ear to ear, while he undressed her. Once her bare legs were in his sight, his hands immediately found their place on them again and his mouth made sure to kiss every, newly exposed skin. For a second she stopped breathing when Harry came close to her aching core and she was sure that he could see a wet spot on her panties and all she wanted him to do, was to give her the attention where she wanted it the most.

“No.” She shook her head.

“What? You don’t want me kissing your thighs?” She shook her head. “Where then?” Her hands grabbed his head, pulling him towards her desired place. He grinned. “Do you want me to taste you?” She nodded, only resulting in Harry slapping her thigh. “No, no, no. What did I say? Use your words, love.”

“P– please. Finger me.”

“Everything you want princess.” His teeth grabbed the hem off her panties, slowly pulling them down while he still maintained eye contact with her. He could see the juices flowing out, making him want to completely ravish her, as she was so ready for him and he couldn’t grasp it. She was ready for him. He never thought that this day would come ever again. But before his mouth met her lips, his cold fingers started exploring her folds, rubbing slow circles on each spot, besides her pulsating clit, resulting in Y/N to whine. Harry knew what she wanted and, most importantly, where she wanted him but after forty years he was going to enjoy every second of it and not rush into anything, as they were able to take their sweet time, even if her patience runs very thin.

Excitement ran through the pit of her stomach, while she watched Harry caressing every inch of her body, just not exactly where she wanted him to and it frustrated her. Tired of his games, she dove her hand into his curls, pulling tightly onto the many strands of hair. “Stop teasing me.” She only choked out when his fingers ghosted over her clit and even though it was hardly any friction, it felt really good.

“I’m not teasing, just savouring you.” And with those mumbled words, his thumb rubbed small circles over her swollen clit, making sure to put enough pressure to make her squirm. A satisfied grin spread across his face when she bucked her hips harder against his hand and a small hiss left her mouth, followed by a small moan. Y/N bit her bottom lip, when he rubbed harder and faster against her, to keep herself from being too loud. But when a satisfied grasp escaped her silky lips, Harry’s grin widened and he immediately began to slowly run his fingers along her opening, teasing her by dipping his tips into her wetness. He had to fight his urge to give his all to her, as he just wanted to hear her scream his name over and over again. Not only would it stroke his ego but satisfy him, knowing he was able to make her feel good, like he once was able to. But he just didn’t want to give it to her, he wanted her to remember every second of it, just like how he would remember all the spots that drive her wild. His lips trailed up and down her inner thighs, slightly scratching her, till he hadn’t found time to shave his growing stubble and his hands were still massaging her, feeling how wet she had become. A chuckle escaped his throat when Y/N buckled her hips forward to feel more of his hands on her. He smiled against her soft skin and finally gave in, and pushed his finger inside her warm, soft and wet core.

“Harry.” She managed to moan when his finger started moving and instinctively she spread her legs wider apart, to allow him more access. Blissfully, he sunk another finger in, spreading her perfectly, while he found the perfect rhythm to make her feel good. Seeing her mouth agape, eyes shut and back slightly arching away from the couch, his trousers began to painfully tighten around him. “Right there.” Her toes were curling, while her fingers tugged harshly on his curls, making him groan, when he hit her sweetest spot, erupting a pleasant fire in her abdomen.

“You’re so tight, baby. Can’t believe I fit in there.” A breathy chuckle she felt on her heated skin, when he saw her eyes widening by his words. She was still so innocent and he loved it. “God, you’re so wet. My fingers are covered.” Y/N moaned, as a warning to not continue with his dirty talk, even though hearing his deep, raspy and bassy voice sent additional chills down her spine and turned her on even more. She was clenching around his fingers, motivating him to go deeper and faster, as she was so close to reaching her high. She couldn’t even remember when someone actually made her feel so ecstatic and whenever she did it on her own, it never felt so good. “Are you getting close, baby? Do you wanna come all over my fingers?” Harry asked, still pumping his fingers, with one hand,  in and out of her and with the other hand rubbing his thumb over her pulsating clit. He felt her getting tighter around him, making him imagine how it’d feel to be inside her warm, wet and soft pussy or he wondered how sweet she’d taste and what noises he could coax out of her. He wanted to know everything and he wanted to be the only one knowing every spot of hers that kept her whining and moaning around him.

When she only gave him a nod, as an answer, his fast movements came to an immediate halt.

She almost choked on her tongue, when she felt the sudden lack of action. “Wha–”

“–use your words.” He emphasised the small breaks between every word while staring at her with darker eyes and a dominating tone in his voice, making her swallow her pride. “Beg for me to let you come.”

“Harry.” She sighed, moving her hips in circles but he held her hips in place and for a split second she wanted to shake her head and tell him to fuck off but the way his lips were swollen from kissing her, his cheeks flushed red and his curly hair messily laying on his head, her knees started to feel wobbly. She practically felt how her body was already begging for a release, so she guessed she could actually start begging as well. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please let me come.” Harry grinned, as he felt satisfaction run through his veins and it didn’t take him long to pick up his speed again. His fingers moved in and out of her harder and faster than before and if he bucked her hips upwards he hit that one spot that made her see stars.

“Come all over my fingers, angel.” He moaned himself, when she started clenching his fingers again and tightly she grabbed onto the soft material of her couch, when her back was arching and her legs started shaking softly.

When she felt his stubble against her inner thighs again and his fingers curling inside of her, an intense pleasure washed over her and with a loud moan, she let her juices flow all over him. “Fuck. Harry!” She moaned, moving away from his hand, as he rode her down her orgasm. With shaky hands she gave his curls one last tug, telling him to let go of her and even though he wanted to continue, wanted to test her limits and how far he could push them, he let go of her with a smirk in his face. But before Y/N could see his smug smile, he put his fingers in his mouth, tasting what was left of her sweetness, savouring her flavour.

“The next time you’ll have to let me taste you.” He lulled, grabbed her face into his hands and pressed his forehead against hers. He felt her shaky breath in his upper lip, before her hand grasped his wrist, keeping him close to her. Her heart was undeniably beating fast and all she wanted to do was pull him closer to her.

She cleared her throat. “Can I–” Stopping herself, she went to touch his belt, wanting so badly to make him feel as good as he had made her feel but he pushed her hand away, while shaking his head.

“No, not today.” In his green eyes, she saw that he wasn’t eager anymore and that the hunger was gone, even after seeing his hardening length in his pants. She was sceptical and wondered why he didn’t want anything from her but before she could sink deeper into her spiral of negative thoughts, he kissed her forehead sincerely and stared at her with an adorning gaze, making her feel like the only person on this planet.

It didn’t take much more convincing for her and she only nodded her head tiredly. “Do you wanna stay?” She asked hopefully with drooping eyes and before they fell completely shut, she saw him nodding his head and wrapping her inside his strong arms and pulling her close to his warm chest, where she could smell his lulling scent. She was seconds away from falling asleep when one last question popped in her head. “Why did you erase my memory?”

Softly Harry breathed in her hair, holding her tightly. “I didn’t want you to remember me like that.” Even if Harry believed that he never bullied her, he wasn’t going to lie about how horribly he had treated her. He had tried so often to make it up to her but somehow he was never able to and when they graduated, he couldn’t let her go with such a bad opinion about him. He thought it would be better for her never knowing him, than actually hating him. 

“You’re not all bad.” Shemumbled before she fell asleep right inside his arms, something she has never experienced before and she could swear, she had never slept more peacefully. When her eyes fell shut, Harry sighed regrettingly but he shook his thoughts away. She is finally asleep and he needed to look for what he truly came here for. His heavy footsteps walked him through the house, searching carefully for the item he was so desperately looking for. It was the last key for him to finally get what he wanted for so long and he wasn’t going to give it all up, just because he just wanted to spoon her in the couch and fall asleep with his head buried in her hair and his arms pulling her close to his chest. And if he really thought about it, he felt stupid for wanting those things because he didn’t only want them but he missed them. And now that didn’t make sense to him. They were never so close to each other, so what did he miss if he didn’t even know what it’d feel like. He was stubborn, that for sure, because deep down he knew what he was missing while he was going through her drawers.

He was missing the opportunity to be with her, when once he swore that’s all he ever wanted and what she said made his heart beat faster and he wished he could agree with her but he knew what he had done and she didn’t and no matter how much he enjoyed being this close to her, it wasn’t all that was in his mind.

But, again, times had changed and he didn’t only long for her to be in his life.

When he peeked over his shoulders to watch a sleeping Y/N cuddled on the couch, with his coat draped over her shoulders, as he couldn’t find a blanket to put on her, he decided that she wouldn’t have the same fate, as his other victims faced, he stole from. He couldn’t lose her again, or at least he wouldn’t want to lose the chance of running into her, in another forty years, if she would run away from him again. But knowing that she was somewhere in this world, living her life, he’d find her. And if seeing a glimpse of her was all he’ll get, then it’ll still be more than knowing that her heart wasn’t beating anymore.

He can’t kill her.

He won’t kill her.

But he had to think fast, if he wanted to prevent her from dying by his own hands.

Harry was sitting next to the white cat on her familiar couch, touching his head softly. Harry felt how Jupiter melted into his touch and with exhausted eyes he looked at the dead mouse that Millie had brought him. It was odd for Harry to see how a cat and a bat had gotten so fond of each other but yet what was odd to a witch, right?

“Harry? Are you ready?” Y/N asked, as we walked inside the living room with every ingredient that they needed. With her pointy finger, she pushed her table away, creating more space, as she crouched to the floor, drawing a pentagram on the wooden floor with white chalk.

“In a second.” She looked up at him, furrowing her eyebrows and with urging eyes, telling him silently to keep going, and asking him silently what was wrong. “Before we start, this is for Jupiter.” He pulled something out of his black trousers and held a small bottle with a purple liquid inside, up in the air for her to see. “It’s the antidote.”

“Already? We haven’t gotten your powers back yet.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head, while clearing his throat. It truly didn’t matter to him anymore, as he couldn’t take to see her familiar fighting for his life. He figured that the cat had suffered enough and even if Y/N didn’t find the right way to break the spell, she would one day. “I trust you.”

A million thoughts were running through her mind but none of them were bad ones and the more she thought about it, the more butterflies erupted inside her belly. “Thank you.” She shyly thanked him, avoiding his gaze as her cheeks turned red. It was no wonder that she trusted Harry, given what had happened yesterday but to hear Harry trusting, gave her all the clarification she needed.

“He’ll be sleeping for a while but when he wakes up, he should feel better.” He let her know before he helped the cat drink the antidote. He let out a small whimper and it didn’t take much longer till he fell asleep. Harry could only hope that it wouldn’t take him too long to get better. Those antidotes were unpredictable as there was no way to tell how long they’d take to work.

“Everything looks good. Now you just need to take off your shirt.” Harry looked over to Y/N, forbidding him to drift back to his thoughts. Y/N was done, drawing on the floor and she had placed a chair in the middle of it. Usually, this sight would activate his fight-or-flight-mode because she could do so many things to him if she wanted to. She could hold him imprisoned, make a demon possess him or so many other things that would take him too long if he tried to list them all. And maybe he’d be sceptical and wouldn’t want to trust her if they were still so hateful towards each other. But a lot has changed and if there was one person he trusted, then it was her, the sweet woman in front of him that still made his heart go crazy.

“I don’t think it’s the right time to flirt with me, darling.” He said, obviously joking and yet Y/N felt the urge to defend herself when he pulled his shirt over his head. For a second she lost her train of thoughts and the only thing she could think of was him. The way his chest looked so much more muscular than she remembered and how his shoulders have gotten broader over the years. He looked so much more like a man and it suited him well. She wondered what else he had expanded.

She swallowed her thoughts away while shaking her head, as if she was admonishing herself. “Don’t flatter yourself! It’s solely for the ritual.” Maybe not just for the ritual, she thought when she let her eyes wander and saw the multiple tattoos covering his upper body and the many new ones she wanted to trace with her fingers and memorize every line. He had gotten better looking over time and she couldn’t deny that the ink helped him to age like fine wine.

“Do you think this will really help?” He asked, oblivious to what was going on inside her head.

She shrugged her shoulders, trying her hardest not to let these thoughts get to her. “It should but you never know.”

He sighed. “There’s only one way to find out.” With those words he sat down on the chair and closed his eyes briefly, to prepare himself for what was about to happen. Nervously he fidgeted with the baggy material of his pants, as a manoeuvre to calm him down. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was nervous but he guessed it was new for him to trust someone, as he hadn’t done that in a long time. It almost sounded foreign to him, like a word he had never heard in an unknown language. Maybe that’s why he was so nervous, or he was nervous about the other things he still had to do and he didn’t want to mess everything up. If he did, he’d lose the one person he could trust and, as odd as it sounded to him, that scared him. He opened his eyes again, carefully observing what Y/N was doing, as she threw the bones into a black, metallic bowl and crushed them to a white pulver before she put the juicy-looking eyeballs inside. Carefully, she used every ingredient they needed till it was time to cast a fire. With delicate fingers she created a hot flame and within seconds, after hitting the bowl, it turned a deep, violent blue. “That worked.” She let him now, as she sighed in relief, visually relaxing just a tiny bit. Carefully, she took the bowl in her hands and walked over to Harry, placing it on his lap. “Don’t move, alright?” He only nodded, leaving all the talking to her. Y/N was holding a blood red stone, gripping it harshly inside her hand, as she began to walk in a circle outside of the pentagram. “Tamquam ex virtute quam ego ego quaeritur te.”Her voice strong and the usual trembling gone. Her eyes were closed and with a deathly grip on the stone she walked and walked. “Da mihi virtutem complere.” With a swift motion she grabbed the tiny container of blood, Harry had brought her, and placed herself directly in front of him. “Virium ei laetus.” Her finger dipped inside the red liquid and she drew a rune on his toned chest, concentrating to not mess it up. When she was done, she pressed her hand palm against his chest with a strong force, catching him off guard till a burning pain erupted inside him, making him curse underneath his breath and clutch his eyes shut tightly. “You’re almost done.” She whispered to him, hoping it would ease his pain. Impatiently she waited till the flame went out, showing her that it worked.

“Is it done?” He asked, slowly opening his eyes in anticipation, waiting for Y/N to say something positive.

“Yes.” Was all she said and he needed to hear that, to wrap his arms around her, pulling her close, as his excitement took over him. He was finally being himself again. He was finally a witch again and not like a lousy mortal with no powers.

“Thank you.” He laughed in her hair, as he was still holding her close, deeply inhaling her sweet aroma. “Producat in rosa.” He snapped with his fingers, feeling the electricity run through his fingers, as a steady warmth captured his whole body. Oh, how he missed this feeling. He missed the way he felt so powerful and strong.

“What are you doing?” Y/N asked, creating some distance between them by pushing against his chest. “This is the first spell you use after regaining your magic? Really?”

Even though her tone was judging and she truly didn’t understand what was going through his head, she had to smile as his was contagious enough that she felt forced to do as well, feeling the happiness radiate off him so evidently. “This is for you, as a thank you.” He handed her a simple, red rose, that he was able to conjure, since his powers were back and handed it to her. He had to admit that it wasn’t his most charming move but he felt too happy to think straight and find more creative ways to woo her.

“You’re a dork.” She only said, taking the rose in her hand and placing it on the dining table, next to her, while she still stayed next to him, not wanting to move further away. Her heart was racing, undeniably fast and it felt as if a giant dose of joy had hit her brain, making her feel struck by his gentle gesture. She felt it was unfair of him to be able to make her annoyed and happy.

Her warm fingers still lingered on his chest, when they finally realised how close they were to each other. Her breath got stuck in her throat while she felt his hit her face. His green eyes were watching her closely, like a hungry wolf, and Y/N swore she felt electricity run through both of them. The house was quiet, even the world was quiet, as there was no match to their beating hearts. Nothing was louder.

She felt herself being hypnotised by his green eyes and the way his skins felt so soft on her skin. Her lips were trembling slightly, as she still remembered what had happened yesterday. Simply the memory of him between her legs, made her feel so incredibly excited and she felt herself getting wet. So, she bit onto her bottom lip to keep the quavering hidden from his sight. But he saw it and a devilish grin spread across his angelic features. Instantly he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him, flushing her chest against his, so she would have no choice but to sit on his lap.

Her mouth opened in shock but before she even realised that she was looking like a fish out of water, he pressed his pillowy and plump lips against her soft ones and wrapped her tighter in his arms. It took her a few seconds till she kissed him back and when she did a fire arose in the bit of her stomach. Hungrily she traced her tongue against his lip, asking for permission to get inside. But Harry didn’t, so she tried again. When he didn’t open his mouth again, Y/N tugged in the curls at the vape of his neck, knowing exactly that he’d groan and when he did, she didn’t waste no time, as she tried to taste every inch of his addictive flavour.

His left hand held her steadily by the hips but his right hand wandered up and down her back, creating goosebumps to cover her skin. A cold shiver ran down her back, when she felt his hands rubbing all the tension away. While his lips were still on hers, she sighted pleasantly. Both of them don’t even know how long they had been making out when he finally broke off the kiss to get some air into his lungs. Only then, both of them noticed, how bad they needed to catch a breath, as all they wanted was each other. Her lips traveled from his cheeks to his neck, where she started to leave wet kisses along his veins, feeling them pulsating on her lips and slowly nibbling at his satiny skin. He let out a small whimper when she bit on a spot that she knew would make him vocal, if her memory wasn’t playing any tricks with her.

“Y/N.” He moaned when she sucked on the fresh bite mark, making sure that she was leaving a hickey. Usually Harry wasn’t the biggest fan when people would mark him up but if Y/N did it, he wasn’t going to complain. How dare he complain if she gave him something so sweet? With one last kiss, she let go of his neck and let her hands slide against his chest and run her thumbs over his hard nipples. Patiently Harry waited for her to do more than to just admire him. It did boost his ego knowing she was looking at him with those wanting, hungry and passionate eyes but he wanted more. He had waited forty years, had lived with the unknown and with the knowledge that she didn’t even remember him, when all he wanted to do was barge into her home, to get here. His pants have gotten so tight and he was sure she felt him poking her at the right angle, as she was pressing herself onto him but she didn’t dare to move yet. That’s why he pushed her body further into his, as he began to move her around in his arms. Immediately pleasure shot through both of them at the new wave of sensation. With parted lips, heavy breathing and a need to feel more, she rubbed herself against him, clutched at his shoulders tightly and let him kiss her neck. “You’re so perfect.” He breathed on her, when she felt his tongue gliding over her, followed by his teeth. “I wanted you for so long.” Her heartbeat quickened even more when she heard him say those nice things, leading her to want to rip off their clothes right this second.

To her luck, Harry was thinking the same thing and let his hands wander underneath her shirt, before he pulled it over their head. For a split second she felt insecure about her bra choice, as a simple, white bra wasn’t the sexiest underwear she had ever worn and she wondered what he thought of that. Was he disappointed? Did he expect more? But judging by the way his eyes widened and his tongue drove over his lips, it was certain that he didn’t mind at all. Or maybe he did mind, because he just wanted her to be naked already. He wanted both of them to be naked already. But he didn’t mind what she was wearing. There was nothing that could make her look less desirable in his eyes as he hungrily took her beautiful body in. One of his hands slid to her belly, smoothly rubbing against her soft skin, and when he felt her tensing up, lines formed between his eyebrows and worriedly he looked at her. “Is everything alright?”

Y/N bit on her bottom lip, slowly nodding her head, as she was trying to get rid of the demons telling her, she wasn’t good enough, her underwear wasn’t seductive enough and that she just wasn’t enough. All she wanted was the man in front of her, who made her feel comfortable, and not those insecurities ruining the moment. “I’m sorry.” She murmured, shaking her head. She was ruining the moment, wasn’t she? “Just… just don’t touch me there.” She put his hand away from her belly and placed it back at her hip. A few deep breaths, she had to take,  before she had enough courage to look at him again and all she saw was the softest look, anyone has ever given her. He didn’t look judging, blaming or even mad and that made her feel a lot better already.

“I won’t, if you don’t want me to... but why?” He asked slowly, as if he was walking on eggshells because he was scared of her reaction and he didn’t want to push her.

She sighed. “I– I don’t like it.” Those were the only words that had left her mouth and by that phrase it could’ve meant anything but the way her eyes drifted over her body and her pointing at herself, made Harry gulp. How on earth was such a stunning woman insecure? If anybody should feel insecure, he was convinced it had to be him.

“Don’t.” He only warned her, when his hands cupped her face. “Don’t say that. You’re so fucking perfect.” He connected their mouths together by pressing a small but firm kiss on her lips. His thumb was caressing her cheeks and when she finally sighed and stopped being so tense, Harry was able to relax as well. “You’re beautiful, Y/N, absolutely, madly stunning.” The way his eyes stayed on hers and never even blinked, proved that he wasn’t lying, or at least Y/N started to believe his words, as he sounded so sincere. How could a person find the right words at the right time and wrong ones all the time? “Truly, you’re so b–” She didn’t even let him finish and just captured his lips in another hungry kiss. Her hands immediately got tangled in his curls again and this time she kissed him more eagerly and let her hands slide to his pants, as she was opening them up. She wanted him. She wanted all of him and she was willing to push those insecurities away because they didn't seem to be flaws in Harry’s eyes and that turned her on even more, that made her want him even more. That’s why she let him touch her skin, even the spots she didn’t like, and when he finally opened her bra, she took it off quickly, hoping he wasn’t going to change his mind. But he didn’t even give her any more time to be insecure about her body, as his mouth traveled down her neck, till he came face to face with her chest, that looked so kissable. His lips left kisses all around them and when he came close to her nipple, he only dared to ghost over them, as he wanted to see her reaction first.

When her breath hitched in her throat and she, encouragingly, pushed his head closer to her, he smirked on her skin before he sucked her, already hard, nipple in his mouth. With soft strokes of his tongue, he flicked over it continually, his hand giving her other breast the much wanted and needed attention by massaging it and pinching her nipple.

She hissed at the pain at first before it turned into please, leaving her craving for more. All she felt was his lips on her and that made the aching between her legs so much more evident. He left a few more kisses on her chest before he switched sides, as he wanted to taste both of them. When his tongue swirled around her nipple this time, she wasn’t able to keep her mouth shuts anymore and started to moan his name in a breathy voice. “Harry.” She looked at him, working so hard to make her feel good, and when he looked back, keeping a steady eye contact, she felt her heart picking up on speed. Instinctively, she pushed herself harder against him, making him groan onto her skin, as her warm fingers massaged circles on his scalp. “I need more.” Fast, she tugged at his curls, pulling him away from her, before she stood up. Her hands pushed him back into his chair when he tried to get up but she only shook her head. “No. Stay.” She crouched down, taking a hold of his pants and signaling him to buckle his hips up. When he did, she swiftly pulled them and his underwear down, causing his hard cock to spring against his abdomen. Y/N eyes widened by his size, as she wondered how she was able to take him in. But she didn’t let it face her, when her hand grabbed him and she begged with her eyes to continue.

He nodded. “Spit on it.” His voice sounded suddenly so deep and demanding, causing Y/N to immediately nod her head and do what she was said. Her hand started off slowly pumping up and down, as he grabbed the chair, enjoying her touch. With a longing look he watched exactly what she was doing, while he hoped he would remember everything later but he wasn’t worried that he wouldn’t. “Faster, baby.” Harry demanded and Y/N did. It had been a while since she had any interactions with a person like that but she was also certain no one would make her heart race and her pussy ache as much as Harry. Her hand picked up on speed and her other hand took the opportunity to squeeze his balls. “Fuck, Y/N.” He breathed out, as he didn’t expect her to do that. A fire simmered inside him and all he felt was her hands on him. His breathing picked up on speed, while her hands did the magic.

“Can I taste you?” She asked, looking at him with big, deer eyes. Seeing her like that, between his legs, crouched in the ground and willing to take him, made him want to bust right then and there. How was she able to be so innocent, yet so willing at the same time? It made his head spin. “Please.”

“I won’t last if you do.” And he wasn’t lying, he already felt as if he had to hold himself back. He wasn’t sure how she was able to get him this weak but it excited him knowing that she did.

“I don’t care.” She simply stated, as she picked up on more speed, jerking him off faster.

“Fuck, baby.” He moaned, closing his eyes at her unexpected action. His hand grabbed her hand, guiding it to go slower. “We got the whole night. No need to rush.” With that he let go of her hand and cupped her cheeks again, as he bent down to kiss her again. Desperately, he pulled at her lips with his teeth. “Take your panties off, angel.” He mumbled against her mouth, before placing one last kiss on her mouth.

Slowly she stood up again, swinging her hips while doing so before she pulled her panties down, making sure Harry was seeing her every movement carefully and tossing the item carelessly to the ground. He pulled her in closer again, as they’d lips reconnected again and his hands started to wander till they found what they wanted. With slow motions he rubbed circles on her clit, making sure she got even wetter than she already was. His lips went to her neck, leaving more marks behind.

“Harry, I want you now.”

“Then take me.” She didn’t have to be told twice before she sat on his lap, quickly rubbing herself against him, before guiding him inside. She had to hiss at how much he stretched her out carefully she took little bits of him at a time. His hand was rubbing her cheek, encouragingly while looking at her face. “You’re so amazing, taking me in.” Pleasure was evident for both of them as Harry wondered how she fit so perfectly around, squeezing him the right way while she couldn’t get enough at how he made her feel so full. It had taken her a few seconds before she was able to get used to his size, even though she was convinced that she’d never get used to him.

Slowly, she moved her hips, working on both of their pleasure. Moans were bouncing off of the walls, as her pace picked up on speed. An immense pleasure was shooting through her core, when all she felt was him, deeply buried inside of her. His head fell back, while she pressed her face into his exposed neck, slightly nibbling on his heated skin to suppress her moans. Her hips were keeping a steady pace, as the pleasure washed over them. “Faster. Please.” He begged in such a needy voice that made Y/N go crazy. No matter how much she liked to be taken care of, she enjoyed it, even more, to be the one in control, especially when it came to Harry who always had the upper hand. That’s why she had to drag it out as long as she could.

“What was that?” She asked teasingly, tracing the veins on his neck with her tickly finger. “I didn’t understand you.” Her voice was teasing him, showing off that she was in control, as her hips rocked back and forth in a torturing slow pace. “I’m afraid you have to say it again but louder.” The glare he gave her would have almost been lethal but she didn’t care. Instead, she stopped her movements all together, looking at him expectedly. “You have to say it or I won’t do anything.”

Her grin was bright and big, causing Harry to chuckle deeply. “It’s cute how you think you’re in charge.” Before she had a chance to register his words, he had stood up, still holding her close to him, when she wrapped her legs around him. Surprised she let out a small shriek, as her eyes widened and hands clutched on his shoulders harshly. He carried her, as if she didn’t weigh anything and easily looked into her eyes amused. He looked around, deciding where he wanted her and for a second he wanted to settle for the couch when he saw her rug and an idea popped into his head. His face came so close to hers, his breath hovering over her lips. “Let’s ruin that ugly rug.” He only said, and placed her gently on the ground, having to slide out of her, much to her dislike.

She felt empty immediately and whined. “Harry, get ba–” But he had cut her off when he pushed himself fully into her. “Fuck.” Her hands gripped his arms, which were outstretched on each side of her head and he began to thrust into her, harsher and faster than she had rode him. With each thrust the floor made a small noise but neither of them cared as they were being much louder.

“You like that?” He asked, when she closed her eyes shut by the overwhelming pleasure. She couldn’t answer and was just nodding her head, which caused Harry to smile and plant a small kiss on her forehead. “Good.” His thrusts were in a perfect rhythm and he was hitting all the nice places and she hugged his cock just the right way, as if they had been made for each other.

His thrust became stronger and faster with every thrust, making her moan his name till it echoed inside her house. “Harry.” She pushed her back forward, letting her chest collide with his. “That’s perfect.” She said, as he was hitting a brand new spot inside of her and automatically her hips started to move and meet his thrusts halfway.

“You feel amazing, baby.” He was going in and out of her so quickly, while he felt her hard nipples rubbing against him. Quickly, he sneezed his hand between her legs, as he felt him getting closer and he wanted both of them to finish tonight. In harsh circles he rubbed clit, but he never let go of his fast pace, as he was free trying closer and by the way she clenched around him, he guessed she was about to finish as well.

“Don’t stop, Harry. Don’t stop.” She cried out loud, as he was hitting the right spots inside her, making her see stars, whenever their skin met and made a loud sound. “Please, don’t stop. Please.” Seeing her beg, made his thrust get more forceful, his hand rubbing faster and giving him the strength to finish. After a few more thrust both of them felt the fire burning hot inside them, aching to be released.

“I’m about to come.”

“Come on my belly.”

“What?” He wanted to make sure he had heard her right, as he was seconds away, just like the way she was.

“Just do it, Harry!” She practically screamed when she felt her orgasm overcoming her and a wave after a wave of pleasure hitting her repeatedly, as her legs were trembling and her hands gripped onto his muscles. Seeing her cuming in his cock, gave Harry the last push and quickly he pulled himself out of her, just in time, to shoot his semen on her abdomen while he said her name. White, thick streaks were decorating her beautiful skin, like a canvas that has been painted, as both of them tried to catch their breaths. Harry let himself fall next to her, the moonlight shining on their sweaty bodies and the world quiet around them.

“God, you’re perfect.” He moaned one last time before closing his eyes. She was tracing his arm, that he had put around her, with her hand, drawing the outlines of his tattoos. It didn’t take him much longer till he fell asleep and she laid there awake.

She was tired but not tired enough to sleep yet, as she was busy admiring his sleepy state. She adorned the way his long eyelashes were resting on his cheeks and his curls fell on his forehead so perfectly. Y/N didn’t even know for how long she had been laying on the ground but once her bladder started to act up, she had gotten up by removing his arm carefully, to not wake him. The cold air was hitting her skin, when she went to the bathroom to clean herself up. It didn’t take her too long till she was back in her kitchen, dressed in new clothes while got herself something to drink, after putting a blanket over Harry’s body. As she was about to take a sip of her drink, Millie flew inside through the open window

“Hey, Millie.” Y/N greeted her. “Do you want some grasshoppers?” With soundless steps she opened ome of her cabinets, revealing a jar filled with insects. Usually, she used to for spells and always had some laying around. She opened the jar and held it towards the bat but she didn’t dive in, as she usually would, confusing Y/N. “What is it, Millie?” She asked, walking closer to her, while she was carelessly flying around. She fled around in small circles,, as if she wanted to tell Y/N something. “Do you want me to–” she didn’t finish her question as the bat clapped her wings approvingly. “–alright.” She cleared her throat. “Me intellegere et vespertilio.” This one always used to be one of her most favourite spells, as it allowed her to understand animals. Any animal she wanted even and it had opened her eyes and changed her worldview drastically, besides talking to animals was better sometimes than talking to people.

The high pitched voice rang out in her ear but she didn’t say anything Y/N had expected. “Harry, will kill you. He has killed so many more. He is a liar.” Her blood ran cold, as she stared at Millie denyingly. He wouldn’t kill her. Why would he kill her? She had helped him and they had even gotten closer to each other. It wouldn’t make sense, even if they hadn’t put their differences aside, was he that petty enough to end her life? She just couldn’t imagine him doing that.

“What?” Y/N asked but Millie didn’t answer anymore and took the cue to leave, while Y/N stood there not knowing what to think anymore. What was Millie saying?

A trembling headache started to form, her hands started shaking and even if she didn’t want to believe his familiar, her eyes started to tear up and she felt incredibly dirty. Had he used her? Would he really kill her? Her knees felt weak and somehow her throat was burning, as if she hadn’t drunk anything in a while. She was clueless on what to do. Should she just ask him? Would he even say the truth? Call her crazy? Kill her, right then and there? Should she make sure that he wasn’t going to hurt her first?  

With shaky hands, she opened her cupboards, as an idea popped in her head to coax the truth out of him.

All she needed to do was to make some tea, just the way her mother used to make, whenever she suspected that someone wasn’t telling the truth. It didn’t take much, as she only needed some chamomile flowers and some hair from a white horse.

She didn’t want to do this, she didn’t want to break his trust but she had to know if everything was a lie and Y/N was sure, she wasn’t ready for his answer, as it was obvious what it would be. Familiars didn’t lie, so there was only one outcome.

Quickly she prepared the tea, while she tried to calm herself down and not look too shaken up. Harry would see through her mask, and she couldn’t risk it. She took a few breaths in and slowly breathed the air out before she walked into the living room, seeing Harry putting on his clothes in a sleepy state. “How long have you been awak?” He asked, rubbing his eyes with his fists, while a tender smile grazed his lips. He looked so innocent, so peaceful and she couldn’t imagine him doing anything harmful to her. Was she doing the right thing? She wasn’t sure but she had to find out if Millie was saying the truth. There was no way Millie was lying, as it wouldn’t help her in any way and because familiars couldn’t lie. They were always loyal, faithful and honest. It wasn't in tgeir nature to make up lies for no reason.

“I made you some tea.” Y/N said, trying not to sound too monotone, as she tries to bite back her doubts and worries.

“Thank you, baby.” He took the hot beverage in his hands, blew some air on it before carefully taking a sip. At first it tasted like camomile but the aftertaste confused him. It tasted familiar but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. “I can’t make out what tea it is. Wha–”

“–where did you get the blood from?”

For a second he looked at her with furrowed eyes and started at her confusedly with a startled look. Why was she asking him again? “I told you” he started, trying to remember exactly what he had said yesterday to her, so she wouldn’t be suspicious and he wouldn’t be caught in a web of lies. But his planned words never came out. “I killed her and the blood was on my clothes.” He immediately dropped the cup of tea and cupped his mouth shut. What was he saying? He tried his hardest not to tell her but it was impossible for him not to say the truth, as if an invisible power coaxes the truth out of him. And that’s when it hit him. Magic. “What did you put in my tea?”

Y/N didn’t feel like answering his questions, as she questioned everything that had happened. “How many people have you killed?”

“Four.”

“Did you want to kill me.”

“Yes.” She felt her heart break, and she swore she felt it split in half. He had used her all along and suddenly the puzzle pieces fell into place. That’s why he knew where she was living, even though he didn’t have any powers; he had looked her up to master his plans. He had everything ready and she walked right into his trap.

“Why?” She dared to ask with a shallow voice.

“For a ritual to get my family back.”

“What do you mean?”

“My mother and sister died and I want to resurrect them.” He finally confessed, as he leaned back tiredly. Now, all his secrets were out, just when he thought he hadn’t had to harm her.

“How did they die?”

“Fire.” He breathed slowly, picking up the tiny pieces of broken glass, to play with them carefully. “From everything that could’ve killed them, it had to be a fucking houseburn. It had to be a fucking mortal death! They could’ve done something about it but it was all too fast.” His voice rose in anger and all he saw was how his family burned in front of his eyes, while he couldn’t save them. He wasn’t there when it happened but he felt responsible because he should’ve been there. He should’ve saved them but he failed to. He had failed them.

“Harr–” Y/N tried to talk to him but he pushed her away with an invisible force, causing her back to collide with her bookshelf, knocking multiple books down. A painful yelp escaped her lips, as she tried to get up.

“They died so pathetically because someone thought it was right to still burn witches.” His eyes were cold and the warm tone in his voice was long gone. “Mortals should be happy that I don’t make every single one of them burn.” His heavy footsteps got closer to hear, causing her to crawl away scaredly.

“You didn’t have to kill them.” She tried to say, as she slowly got up, staring at the man in front of her, who had changed so drastically. What was happening? Even the Harry she swore to hate, wouldn’t have done this. He wouldn’t have been this cold and no matter how sorry she was for his loss, she couldn’t and wouldn’t tolerate his behaviour. Everybody loses someone at some point in their lives, but it doesn’t give them any right to hurt others for selfish reasons because magic shouldn’t be used to bring more pain than it already does.

He chuckled deeply, shaking his head as if she had said something funny. “They’re worse than me. They’ve killed more people, than we know, over the past centuries.” Slowly he got closer to her, while she continued to back up till her back hit the wall. “They deserved it. My family didn’t.” And right before he was able to touch her, she ducked away from his grasp.

“Obrigescunt anathema.” She shouted, watching him not be able to move his body anymore. With tears in her eyes, a shaky voice and an hurt expression, she just blatantly stared at the stranger that she didn’t seem to know at all.

“Harry, stop it!” She was already on the floor, clutching her hand on the door frame as the tall man however over her. The taste of iron lingered in her mouth and only then she had realised that her lip was cut and tiny droplets of blood were coming out of it. But that wasn’t really one of her concerns as she felt him clutching her throat with his powers. The coward couldn’t even do it himself. He couldn’t even choke her on his own.

Her eyes were red and her face turned to a sick looking color. Just the sight of him, broke his heart and he wanted to hate her because she made him do those things to her but deep down he knew it was all his doing and he should hate anyone, then it must be him. “I never wanted to kill you. Fuck! You were the only person I tolerated and you had to be so stubborn, when I could’ve given you what you always wanted; a normal life.” His right hand was still controlling his magic while his left one went through his wild curls in frustration. Why did it have to end like this? Why her? Harry felt so stupid because when he made his plan, he thought he’d hate her. He thought he was over their short lived romance but all it took was one look at her and he turned to the stupid boy he once used to be.

“Harry, please.” She choked out, clutching her throat, as if she could peel his magic off of her, as if it were a hand. Her eyes were begging and if she had the power herself, she’d be begging more.

“Why did you have to fight me? I fucking loved you! You hear that? I love you! I don’t want to do this but you gave me no choice.” Harry rambled and when his brain processed what he had just confessed, his eyes shot wide open. He loved her. He loved her as if they were forty years younger and as if the misunderstanding never happened. Would his younger self do all this to her? Immediately, he knew the answer to that; no. So, why was he doing this now?

“I lo–”

“–no! Shut up! You don’t get to say that!” For a brief moment, he softened and he lowered the pressure on her when he understood what she tried to say. She couldn’t say those words because he knew he’d break down. “My family loved me and looked where it had gotten them. They’re dead.” Why did everyone he loved had to suffer? His mother and sister died horribly, while Y/N was about to die because of him. A humourless laugh he let out when he thought how this was an actual curse. How life was the actual curse.

“I love you.” She managed to say when he was buried in his head, and her words pulled him out of there way too fast. His heart was breaking when he heard her confess something that she shouldn’t be feeling in the first place. He was a monster and yet she still said those words. Either she tried to butter him up or she was actually crazy but either way he didn’t deserve her.

“Shut up!” His hold got stronger in her neck, as his voice sounded even more threatening than before but it didn’t last for long. “It’s already fucking hard to do this. Don’t make it harder on me.” His voice was breaking towards the end and tears escaped his lifeless eyes. For a moment they just stared at each other and Y/N was preparing herself, when her vision started to darken.

“What would your family think?” She asked with a whispery voice, and for a moment she was afraid that he hadn’t heard her but when he almost let go of her, she knew he did.  “Would your mother be happy? Or your sister?” She gasped for air, finally feeling it inside her lungs, easing the burning sensation inside them but it wasn’t enough to make her feel better and use her powers on him.

“You don’t know them.”

“But you do. So, would she?” Would his mother be proud of him if she could see him right now? Would his sister be proud if he knew what he had done to get them

Back? Would they? His hands started shaking, when he pictured their disappointed faces in front of him and when he could swear he could hear his mother’s voice, saying how much she disapproved of him, he finally broke down crying. Loud sobs escaped his mouth and Harry wasn’t sure if that was the first time he let himself feel all those emotions but he thinks that was the first time he had cried over the loss of his only family and he cried for knowing what he had done in the past few months. Who had he become?

“It’s so fucking unfair! Why did I have to lose them?” He sobbed in his hands, when his body came in contact with the cold floor.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you but it doesn’t change what you’ve done.” Even though her hand was aching to touch him, she didn’t. Instead she hoped her emphasisng her look was good enough to comfort him, even if he didn’t deserve it.“You need to leave, Harry.” He wanted to protest, grab her weak body and beg to her to not let her go. But when he saw those dark red wounds around her neck and the busted lip, he wondered how many more bruises she had gotten because of him. He closed his mouth and pressed his lips to a thin like while his tears had started to fall harder again. Why did he do this to her? Why was he so desperate to get his family back if they would hate him in the end? All he wanted was to have people in his life that loved him and the one person that did, he tried to kill her. “Maybe one day we‘ll meet again. When you’re better.” She said in a promising voice and her soft eyes bore into his, while she tried to remember the exact shade of green they were and hoping it wouldn’t be the last time, she’d get to see them. Instantly, Harry nodded his head, because that was his only goal; to get better. And, of course, to get the chance to be in her life again. “Oh, and if I hear you killing again, I‘ll kill you myself. Understood?” She was bluffing because she could never kill him but still, she tried to look as tough as possible, to look the most convincing she’s ever looked in her whole life.

Silently he stared at her with tired looking eyes and with fresh tears still streaming down his face. He knew she was doing the right thing and he didn’t deserve her but it didn’t stop his heart from aching. He wanted to hug her tightly, kiss her one last time but he couldn’t and that hurt him more than the bruises on his body did. That’s why he was determined to become the person she deserves to be with.

“Jupiter, don’t eat the tomato leaves!” Y/N shouted when she saw her cat nibbling on the white flower and the tiny leaves. With wild gestures she shushed her cat away and kneeled down on the ground to make sure that the plant was alright. It didn’t have any tomatoes yet but she knew in the late summer she could get a taste of them and she was looking forward to making fresh soup or pasta sauce, as they tasted better than the processed ones. She never understood why people loved to eat food out of cans, if they had time to use fresh ingredients and cook dishes themselves. It tasted better if it was made from scratch and, at least, she knew what she was actually eating.

Her fingers grazed one last time over the leave and she shot Jupiter a warning look, so he wouldn’t think about doing it again, when she headed back to her little pond. Her garden was finally looking good, after she finally replaced her dead plants, as spring was already in its early stages.

The sunbeams were beaming down on her, whenever they found a spot to shine through between the trees and the small noises from the animals around her, reminded her how much she had missed for everything to be this alive. Y/N loved spring because everything began to bloom, rise and overall the world just looked happier.

And she looked happier as well, now that the sun was out more often and she finally was trying to get over what had happened in late autumn last year.

Goosebumps still covered her skin and her heart stopped beating for a second when she let her mind be worried about Harry.

She wasn’t thinking of him as often now but he still occasionally haunted her thoughts, making it so hard for her to not just cave in. Y/N knew how easy it was to see what he was doing, thanks to her powers, and she knew that she shouldn’t do it. It didn’t help her get over him and she was violating his privacy.

But yet she still liked to see what he was doing.

In the beginning he looked miserable, as he had hardly gotten any sleep and didn’t think of taking care of himself properly. Those days had really made her heart break, because all she had to do was to use her pond as a mirror and she’d be with him. It was so easy for her to touch him again, to reassure him and be there for him, as he healed but she didn’t cave. Instead she watched him every once in a while and when she finally saw him improving his state, she couldn’t help herself but to feel proud. With each passing day he took a small step forward to a better life and it did not only bring her joy but also hope. She became hopeful and counted the days till he’d show up at her doorsteps to be with her, to finally face them the chance they should’ve taken when they had first met.

“Aperi oculos Ostende mihi futurum.” A small smile graced her lips when she saw his reflection in her pond again. But this time she didn’t see what he was doing right at that moment. No, she wanted to know more than how he was doing. She wanted to know how he’ll be and she had to know what the future had in store for him, for them.

An overly excited Harry was smiling from one ear to the other, exposing his dimples and bunny teeth when he was saying something that she couldn’t hear properly due to his mumbling. His hair looked longer and somehow even curlier and a beard was evident on his face. He looked older but not in a bad way at all and to see him like that made her happy. For a minute longer she watched him run up the stairs of a familiar looking house and she was about to let the reflexion float away when she saw someone.

And that someone was her.

Y/N swung her arms around Harry’s neck, pulling him into a small kiss before letting go of him, which caused Harry to pout. But she didn’t seem to be faced by his reaction as she strutted away, sitting on a small chair that was placed in the corner of the bedroom. Everything looked so awfully familiar but yet so different. But not in a bad way, as htheer house looked more like home. 

For a moment Y/N wondered whose bedroom that might be but when she saw a picture of Harry and her, framed on the nightstand, her breath hitched. Would they live together in the future?

“Harry, you smell like mud.” She Heard- her future self complain, as she scrunched up her nose and pinched her nose bridge. He had obviously working on the garden, as Y/N couldn’t do that anymore. She couldn’t even go down the stairs without being breathless and she was so glad that he helped her out so much but it didn’t give her a reason to not poke fun at him. “Go, take a shower!”

“I don’t smell like mud.” He only puffed offendedly and crossed his arms in front of his chest but Y/N could tell that he wasn’t truly upset. “It’s just the baby.” His long finger pointed to her belly.

Shocked, Y/N splashed the water away, causing the reflexion to disappear. Will she be pregnant one day? Her hand grasped her belly, that still only contained her breakfast and her organs. Could it truly be real? Her eyes wandered to her stomach, as she imagined it growing and somehow that was hard for her to do so. Not because she didn’t want any children but because her and Harry were still miles apart from being a couple, let alone being parents.

But no matter how surprised she was and how hard her heart was hammering in her ribcage and how sweaty her palms had become, she tried to hide a growing smile.

So, Harry will fight for their shared future and she’d let him back into her life. Of course she was worried about him but she knew he’d get better one day and no matter how long it’ll take him, she’ll be here, waiting for him. Everything will be alright, and that’s all she could’ve ever hoped for.

With weak knees she stood up from the ground, still clutching her stomach when a voice, that she had missed so dearly, was ringing in her ear. “Hello, comrade.”

[shtern-and-art]

In The Dark – a cryptid AU about Bad and Skeppy – part 1.

All text is captioned under the cut!

BACKGROUND

Story is set somewhere in the 90s – neon colors and the brink of major improvements in lgbtq+ status at least in US.

The place we’re in is a small nameless town near the forest, and let’s say it’s the US, but in my mind it has an old European country feel to it too. At least in the small old towns like this. With old buildings, and paved roads, and steep roofs, and everything.

The forest is very dense and not much light gets in the deeper parts of it, so it’s called The Dark Forest which may sound quite unoriginal. But no one really calls it that. With how many weird things happen in that forest, among the locals, it is mostly referred to as “bad forest”. To the point that it’s basically the common name for it now.

SKEPPY

Skeppy is a Thing. A supernatural thing. The sort of thing that, unlike most spn things, hangs out around humans a lot. Socialized thing. Because, due to his spn nature, he has a compulsion/tendency (and desire) to create small mayhem and chaos around himself, disrupt communities. And also because he’s a changeling and initially was brought up by people.

But the way he is, he can’t stay living in one place/town for too long, always having to bounce before people clock him, or stuff gets too intense.

He’s name is still Zak, it’s the one his human parents gave him. However, he officially changed it to something different in all records after leaving home at 18, cuz names are important for creatures, and having his real one out there might be dangerous.

Generally, he still goes by Skeppy.

Skeppy can consciously do minor mimicry and illusions (by light bending)/cause light dissociation/confusion in people and creatures around him/do other minor mind tricking fae stuff.

He is drawn to nature and shiny things, although nature can be just a potted plant, and a shiny thing – anything from a gemstone to pieces of broken glass. Skeppy doesn’t know this yet, but I’m pretty sure he can find more valuable gems and metals by pure instinct. But he never explored it properly, and he just thinks that he likes collecting pretty rocks. Skeppy has at least 3 of them on himself at any time.

Evidently, he is not fully aware of everything about himself, and he didn’t have much contact with other creatures like him.

He is just. Living his life. Going from city to city, trying to have a good time.

THE STORY

Skeppy comes to a new little town near the forest. Forests are good for him, even if he still prefers to be around people.

And he’s just chilling, trying to settle in and shake things up a bit, roaming the woods to kick up old local rumors about a werewolf.

Speaking of, the town has a LOT of old rumors with the fleur of a little-town-near-the-woods creepiness to them. Like a werewolf, yeah, and crazy cults, and people making sacrifices in the woods, all that jazz.

But it’s all alright, all quiet now. All those things are always told by an uncle of a cousin of a grandpa’s friend, and, you know. Older people. Not a lot of townsfolk believe in these stories nowadays.

So Skeppy freely roams for a while: both the town, and the woods.

BACKGROUND

Local tree logging business is starting up again – twice removed cousin of the old owners brother’s son inherited the company. He’s fresh out of college, and came to bring Industry and Movement back to the little town he visited couple summers as a kid.

Some decades ago the wood export was what kept the town moving and bustling. It chipped away at the forest for many decades, bringing jobs and new people and everything.

But something happened back then, some shady business: perhaps money laundering gone wrong, or some out-of-town mafia dealings that came with the trades. That’s what the papers said at least. For a while, there were complaints of not safe work environment, and lawsuits flying, and rabid animal attacks happening on the outskirts of town (that’s where the werewolf rumors started).

But it’s been quite some time since then. It’s all settled now, old news, and the new generation doesn’t care much, and the twice removed cousin of the old owners brother’s son can start everything anew.

There’s hope and change in the air and the factories are getting upgraded.

THE STORY

So yeah, Skeppy roams the woods, and townspeople nowadays are starting to roam deeper in the woods too! Both because the woods came closer to the town again, and because people tend to… forget. Some young people, at least, who have nothing to remember or fear in the first place. Having all their hormones to fly, and baseball bats to swing, and beer cans to shoot.

The deeper woods are dark, there are a lot of good old trees in their prime time for logging, that make a lot of dark shadows to lurk in. And those are very nice for Skeppy, who can easily fuck with packs of teenagers and with elderly berry pickers. He can make them see things, and believe things, and prop up some fake cultist memorabilia on clearings and wolf fur in the bushes near the pass. And then he’d chat up the middle-aged workers at evenings, and watch it all unfold slowly, rumors spreading across town, giving Skeppy that little, small glow of joy, which that freaky, but harmless trickery always brings him.

It’s all going well and good, even better than expected! Even with that weird forest spirit Skeppy always felt lurking deeper in the woods. That thing was alright. Just there, watching. And Skeppy didn’t do anything too bad or disrespectful, he was pretty sure.

So, when the watching becomes following, and following becomes stalking and threatening, it… doesn’t feel right. Deep in the woods, deers and rabbits keep watching Skeppy’s back, and the trees are so tall it feels like the forest floor is the bottom of the ocean.

When stags stroll through the dark to you, carrying dead animals’ bodies on their antlers, that’s a pretty bad sign, right? Almost as bad as when the shadowy figure, that kept clop-clopping around you for the last couple of weeks, starts chasing you through the trees. And Skeppy just started setting up another “pagan ritual” site near the old berry picking trail!

Turns out, the forest spirit is a dang forest demon or something! And is also an asshole, who doesn’t want Skeppy (with his little True Detective stick figures and mayhem) on his territory.

(This is pretty much where the comic happens! And, yes, Skeppy also being a creature doesn’t mean much. Because Skeppy is too annoying, and too human-like to take seriously.)

So yeah, the Asshole In The Woods chases Skeppy out of them, but Skeppy doesn’t skip towns after that, oh no. He is a stubborn bitch, and he’s already settled, and he even found a small job… and unsettling and leaving is incredibly easy, yeah, but he DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG. The Asshole In The Woods will see, he’ll understand. Skeppy is good at trick- well, talking himself out of trouble. Almost as good as he is at getting in it.

So, obviously, Skeppy keeps coming back to the woods whenever he can. And if the shadow demon asshole doesn’t come out to run him off immediately, he busts out his fake werewolf furs, props occult stick figures around, puts up tents like people were camping nearby, insults the trees, and duct tapes leaflets from local businesses on the them… Because irritating other creatures is just as fun as fucking shit up for people.

And this little turf-war settling is the most fun Skeppy had in a long, long while (possible death aside).

They meet up pretty regularly, getting various irritation and scare levels from each other. And the asshole shadow forest demon is creepy and all, but despite the big bad wolf attitude he never actually tries to kill or maim Skeppy. Or so it seems. So, it’s all going well. Yeah. Just better to lay off all the occult trolling, since it seems to make the forest asshole guy especially mad and uncomfortable.

(Basically this is the early trolling period, with Skeppy being annoying and pushing the boundaries, very close to how their videos of the time went).

And, again, Skeppy didn’t meet a lot of other cryptids, and the ones he found didn’t stick around for long. Because Skeppy is too much of a little shit, and “a low-tier human bootlicker”, anyway. So yeah, maybe Skeppy IS a little bit lonely. Been lonely for a while, now, hitchhiking around the country, never staying anywhere long enough to let people get that something is wrong in the air around him, or form any kind of lasting relationship. So what.

At least this asshole will not rat him out to anyone, or run away into the night with all Skeppy’s money. Probably.

So what’s the harm if sometimes they just argue instead of trying to one-up each other in magic trickery?.. Nothing bad will happen if, from time to time, they’ll just talk instead of shouting about who’s right and who should leave. It’s alright. It doesn’t even matter. No one in the town or spn world knows or cares about any of that. About both of them.

So they hang out more often. And if each time the forest asshole looks a little less scary, and more often takes his human-like shape, well. Maybe it’s just for convenience? Anyway, it’s easier to roll your eyes and turn your back on a fuming person, than a pissed off all-encompassing shadow, so Skeppy isn’t complaining. Especially if the person-shape is so nice to look at, too.

And Skeppy doesn’t know who exactly the forest asshole is, but in the town it’s always “bad forest this” and “bad forest that”. So, in Skeppy’s head, it becomes “Bad’s forest” – because he’s “the Bad in the Forest, heheh, get it, get it?”

Bad does get it. He isn’t as impressed as he should be by Skeppy’s genius puns and naming abilities though.

Speaking of Bad. He seems to be not really aware of what’s been going on in the town for the last couple decades. He tends to mostly hang out in the minds of forest animals, help them out a bit. Or nap. Nap a lot – days, weeks, years at a time, dissolved in the shadows. Unless someone (like can shooting teenagers, tree logging companies, or Skeppy) come around to bother his peaceful, dissociated, and at times even thoughtless existence.

Bad doesn’t mind though. Or so he says. The sleeping, that is. The people, them he really minds, people from the town especially. He really wants to be left alone by them. Discovering that Skeppy wasn’t from these parts of the country was one of the reasons Bad started to warm up to him.

The other major warm up was the first time Skeppy helped Bad scare off the messy annoying kids that were littering in the woods. But he convinced Bad to do it in a long winded, silly and fun (for them, not the kids :D) way. And after a while, teamed up like this, spooking and chasing people off, stopped being an irritating chore, and instead became something Bad looked forward to. Maybe even, put off his shadowy slumber for.

It’s been a long, long time since Bad actually wanted to stay awake like that. Wanted to do something, consciously, to talk to someone. That’s why he’s a “little rusty with all this communication thing”, he admits to Skeppy.

Bad never tells him how horribly bitter, and sad, and alone he was for years and years, huddled in the shadows. How he hid from that sadness, and from the people and their voices, and from the sound of their footsteps on the leaves. He ran away from them – in the soft, inhuman minds of the animals, and restless dreams, where his mind and sense of self stretched, and scattered across the forest, forgetting itself, and just living with all the living things. Of course, Bad doesn’t tell Skeppy about that. He always had his animals, and the secret springs, and little kids tying wishing charms on the branches of the old trees… Bad is fine. He just wants to be left alone.

Or at least wanted to. Because now, after staying awake for so long, it seems that he wants other things too. To troll snotty stuck up teens and kids. To learn more about new technology. To play with the shadows on the edges of clearings, and listen to the music player left behind by one of the kids he and Skeppy chased off.

And one day. One day sunbeams are dancing around the edge of the clearing deep in the woods, and Skeppy is lounging lazily in the grass, playing with his pretty glass shards, making light refract and reform through them, sending dozens of sun bunnies crawls and jump between the peaceful trees. That day Bad feels like his skin is warm, not cooled down by the shadows. And with that warmth – on his face, and in his chest – Bad finds that he can talk about it. That he can say it.

Bad tells Skeppy that back in the day, some decades ago (time is difficult for him to take note of)… that back then. He was a human. But he isn’t now, not anymore. Now he is part of the Forest. Kind of.

Because, see, something bad, really bad happened back then, and Bad got possessed by the, well. The spirit of the forest.

And he was living like this ever since.

Masterpost / first meeting /part 1 / part 2 / part 3