#Peace Through Music
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Nights Around The World (Abby Moonbeam Grand LIVE)
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#World Music#Multi Genre EDM#Storytelling Music#Journey Music#Live DJ#Euphoria Music#Musical Arts#Exclusive Electronic Music#Peace Through Music#Night Music#Dance Music#Love And Unify#Royal Artist#Abby Moonbeam#2024#Youtube
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Idk man I just think that mizu/ena5 and its progression was really beautiful actually. I just think that the release of the ena5 song was also really beautiful and kind of the nail in the coffin for me and I haven't been able to get the event(s) out of my head all week and that I kind of want to talk about it, actually.
It's about being hurt so deeply and continuously that any kindness that could be offered to you manages to feel like a sin, that it makes you crumble and shatter but for all the wrong reasons, not because of the newfound safety, not out of relief, but something worse and more deeply ingrained in you than kindness ever was. It's about carefully measuring the distance at which you keep others away from yourself, to ensure that it never happens again ("To save yourself the trouble", if that makes it easier).
It's about realizing that the people you've been spending all this time with are drifting closer, that they just might bump up against the unsightly parts of yourself that you've tried to keep locked away, it's about turning around and sprinting at full speed and slamming the door shut and holding onto the handle behind you to stop it from turning, because you're as frightened of the possibility of another wound being inflicted on you as you are of the possibility that kinder, gentler hands will reach out and smooth over the exposed scar. It's about hating eyes that judge and silently condemn you as much as you hate eyes that simply see you and take all of you in without scrutiny, because no matter what they're looking and they're looking at you and they know that your hand's on that door handle and they know that you're hiding something because, as much as you try to keep it shut, they've seen through the crack that you foolishly left open.
(The prominence of eyes in Bake no Hana, specifically eyes looking and searching, and finally landing on you, the viewer, Mizuki, is so fucking. Visceral in my opinion. Every character in the MV stares at the viewer in a deadpan, almost judging way. Even though Mizuki knows deep down that niigo won't really hate them, won't judge them, she just can't stand their kindness either; any gaze directed at her is a loss, another prick in their skin. It screams "don't look at me" while making sure that you know, with horrific certainty, that they're looking for you, that you're being watched. You can't go outside, can't leave your room, because they're searching for you, and while that should be reassuring, to you it's anything but).
It's about not wanting to be dissected, whether it's with hands that want to pull your organs apart or stitch them back together because no matter what they're there, and they're getting frighteningly close to your heart. It's about blinding yourself and covering your eyes to it all because seeing means exposure and exposure means they're taking something from you and you can't do anything about it, much less take it all back, much less have a say in the matter. Everyone's just taking and taking and taking and you wish you could just be alone. You wish everyone would just disappear and you could live in a world all to yourself, for only yourself (but is that really what you want?).
It's about the way that, near the beginning of the Yoka ni Mitoreta MV, Mizuki and her loneliness is represented as a dark, splotchy stain in the shadows. No colors, no patterns, no way to clean it or wash it all away, just raw ugliness marring a blank canvas. It's about the way that Ena reaches out to it anyway, the way she startles when the glass shatters just when she finally starts reaching forward, the way that the rest of the MV/song represents her searching for and reaching only further out to Mizuki, even if the broken shards of glass will only cut her fingers, potentially leaving scars.
It's about how, in every way, subtly, directly, consciously, and subconsciously, Ena shows that she fucking cares.
It's about the way that Ena lets Mizuki have autonomy, despite the situation being so horribly out of their control. And it's such a delicate thing: If she really wants to, Mizuki can take the opportunity to just run away, keep running forever, repeat the cycle over and over, and maybe she'll just destroy herself with it again, but it can't be denied that it's something important to them, something she can't quite live without just yet, their means of survival. Mizuki's autonomy is their identity, it's her tailoring her own clothes and choosing her own ribbons and styling her own hair the way she does. Ena letting them have that is as much about trust as it is about understanding that Mizuki of all people should have this right, when control was something stripped from her throughout so much of her life. She couldn't control how she was born, how people look at her or why, can't control what they think of her; lacking control has only left Mizuki vulnerable to the cruelties of others, has only caused them to suffer, which is why it's so important that it's given to them now.
She had the control to make the choice to see niigo's welcoming love and run away instead of staying, and she has the control to make the choice now whether she wants to keep things the way they are or take a step forward to be at their side again. She has every right to have it, and I think the fact that Ena realizes and respects that, even if it's subconsciously, is really beautiful (there is an entire fucking Verse about this in the new song and just. God Look at this. It's so caring, unconditional, and for fucking What. I think there is something to be said about how much Ena is willing to put aside for Mizuki, and maybe deep down it isn't healthy, but for now I'm just kind of in awe)
It's about how insanely patient Ena has been this whole time. Mizuki says that she basically lied to Ena's face about telling her their secret, even after Ena said with such conviction that she would wait for Mizuki as long as it takes, and Ena is just kept waiting and waiting and worrying like this seemingly indefinitely. It's about how Mizuki danced around it, avoided it, kept the distance, straight up ran when she was finally pushed, but Ena still chased anyway when she saw that she couldn't wait anymore, kept chasing just enough to intervene and get a straight answer out of Mizuki when she really needed to, but still leaving her enough space to leave if that was truly what she wanted. It's about how relieved Ena is the moment that Mizuki finally says outright how much they want to be with her and niigo, how much she wants to try, how much more light Ena's voice sounds when she grabs her hand, relieved, the way that the relief she feels can be felt through the music, throughout the entirety of Yoka ni Mitoreta, the way that warm colors always follow her when she chases after Mizuki, just to hold onto her and stop her from running away completely.
It's about how that careful combination of Ena's directness, Ena's persistence, Ena's warmth, her patience, her bluntness about her feelings, the way she chases and holds on but not too tight and her regard for how unsafe and exposed Mizuki feels actually works and breaks it all down. It's about how she really did reach through to Mizuki, despite the thorns and broken glass shards and nearly-unfulfilled promises, the way that Mizuki did finally let her turn the door handle and step through to see what she'd been hiding all this time, the way that Mizuki's hand, limp, when Ena first grabs onto it, shifts to hold hers back as they cry in the face of Ena's gentleness.
Despite how harsh Mizu/Ena5, and even Ena herself as a character can be (or at least was in the very beginning of pjsk), everything is somehow gentle and warm in the end, blindingly so. And you know what, I think that's beautiful. And what's even more beautiful than that is how Mizuki allows themself to crumble and shatter under that kindness, that warm light, but this time, finally, out of relief.
On a final note, I just want to say that I also appreciate how all that didn't have to solve everything. The scars haven't disappeared, haven't gone away, and Mizuki knows that their desire to run hasn't gone away forever, and maybe it never truly will. But for now they've calmed it, at least a little. She's learning to allow herself to be seen, learning that when someone's fingertips brush over their scars the way Ena's did that it's only out of care, and that maybe taking in that care and allowing herself to feel kindness and safety is okay. They're safe, for now, somehow. They're learning. They're trying. And I think that's cool :)
#txt#pjsk#project sekai#mizuki akiyama#akiyama mizuki#ena5#ena shinonome#shinonome ena#25 ji nightcord de#niigo#n25#mizuena#i'll tag it for the shippers too bc why not they'll enjoy this#closing my eyes and hitting post because on one hand i want to keep editing this because it's a mess but if i spend another minute on this#I Will explode#physically i have moved on mentally i am still staring at that damn card on my monitor while the music swells and mizuki is wailing out#that damn image has like actually rearranged my brain chemistry it's not even funny#i'm so fucking weak for this specific character dynamic/relationship yeah it might be cliche yeah i'm lame whatever#but like. FUCKKKK THEY DID IT SO WELL. THIS IS ACTUALLY INSANE. they put so much care into mizuki as a character it's crazy#oh mizuki. i hope you find peace and happiness.#i hope you look around you and the people you've surrounded yourself with one day and realize that you've found safety#anyways yeah sorry this is incomprehensible nonsense also sorry if the pronouns were confusing i hc she/they for mizuki#y'know partway through writing this i half considered turning this around into a fic but like. nahhhhh. tumblr text word vomit it is#sorry about the *checks* 1.4K word text ramble. but thanks for reading if you got here B))
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7.15.23
#I was sooooo patient trying to capture this#even then it was dumb fucking luck#this one defo gets its own post#addition fun facts abt this night:#I left my driver's side car window down the ENTIRE storm and did not notice. nothing damaged but I have a stinky seat :(#however a stinky seat is the small humbling moment at the end of a phenomenal experience enjoying the storm from my small cave-like patio#so I sat outside enjoying the rain. me n my bong. and also a mogwai album. eyes closed. just sounds and my own deep breathing - peaceful#lighting would streak the sky and I could see the bolts through my closed eyelids - they were bright and crisp; defined. even if obscured#everything just snapped into place. the lightning and the music had moments of perceived synchronization - probably pareidolia#waves of euphoria radiating out from the base of my skull. full goosebumps. momentous feeling - I must've been manic#when I opened up my eyes the world had gone from being heavy and dark to just. red. so red. like a wildfire on the entire western horizon.#my driveway doesn't come with a glamorous view either. it was just that the entire western hemisphere was flame-red fading into eigengrau#i have those photos too lmao - will be sharing soon#my art#aesthetic#art#artwork#webcore#glitchcore#internetcore#photography#original photography#nature photography#lightning#storm#rain aesthetic#stormy aesthetic#dark aesthetic#surreal aesthetic#surrealcore
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Alnst round 7 last week, Epic:Vengeance Saga this week, Halloween, New BSD chapter next week, AND college assignments
I need a break
#I am severely emotionally distraught#the damage that has been done to me#and the damage that WILL be done to me#i will never know peace#pray for me yall#imma be going through it#alien stage round 7#alien stage#alnst#epic the musical#epic vengeance saga#jorge rivera herrans#oh and#halloween#i almost forgot bsd#bungo stray dogs#bsd
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#from a 2fort match today ^__^ from other amusing things there were also two heavies (one on our team one on red) throwing us sandviches and#someone was playing music through vc. peace and love forever#i love this taunt it's so sillay#gif#funniest thing is. i think. the fact that the entire server wasn't friendly like we still fought eachother. but if two spies decided to hav#a box disguise party then the rest left them alone. same with the sandvich heavies
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Has anyone else had a really bad great comet of 1812 reawakening or is it just me. The songs are in my head 24/7 and i dont want it to stop.
#the great comet#natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812#musical theatre#i love pierre and natasha so much#i need to consume them#im literally the number 1 streamer of the soundtrack on airbuds rn#and im 10% of the way through war and peace (wish me luck i hope i dont die)#also ive been staring at drawing references not to draw but to judge whether they fit pierretasha or not
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#I don’t know why I’m thinking about this#but my thoughts turned to the anti-hero music video#and i just thought about how she made this vulnerable video about some deeply personal demons#and things that scare the shit out of her#in a moment of raw honesty in this very commercial medium#only to essentially get bullied by fans and the media into taking out one of the most vulnerable moments of the video#because some keyboard warriors misinterpreted it or chose to interpret it in bad faith#and then less than a year later she goes through the shit storm in ohbkci#*public#and no fucking wonder she doesn’t want to share things or talk about things#and just lays it all out in the music and peaces the fuck out#and doesn’t owe anyone anything#anyway random thoughts idk#tag novel#I’m too chicken to write this in a real post but I probably should lol
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The beauty of Kingdom Come Deliverance II. part 4/4
#kingdom come deliverance#kcd#kcd2#kingdom come deliverance 2#my gifs#video games#aesthetics#tbokcd2#i remember back in the days when the first teaser shots released of the first game. seeing those woods. it was breathtaking.#would spend hours watching people just walk through the kcd woods with peaceful kcd music in the background#and then later getting lost in there on my own. for this little north-east german boy it felt so much like home.#and now look at that!
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I'm finally going to see Dune part the second this evening but as a long desert movie enjoyer I'm still miffed that movies refuse to give us intermissions back
#blease. can't a girl run to the bathroom in peace?#give me intermissions and entr'acte music again or give me death#wasn't half the point originally to boost snack sales anyway? like?? with snack prices higher than admission this seems like a no-brainer#from a business standpoint who gives a shit if sleepy or terminally lame people shuffle out halfway through? you already got their ticket $
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https://open.spotify.com/track/14UiJ7VaTWsG41YYAs6uha?si=O_wQSPfvRgexvWahmsbcng floyd song
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I struggled a bit to figure out what song you sent because I don't have spotify and sometimes these links don't want to open ksjbdvb. but YOOOOO Floyd in the bottle song, hell yeah, thank you anon! you are strong, floyd, we love you
Please take my own (bipolar, ex bandmates au) Floyd in the bottle song, where he's going a bit mental from being trapped and having to think about his life 🤲
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#i have such a good music video for this song in my head#my boy is just alone with his thoughts#and the more upbeat part with “sailing on a ship...” is where i imagine him being tossed around and used by velvet and veneer#and i am insane about it#and then later he's going insane talking to his reflection in the glass - to himself as the captain of his fucked up existence#and the water flooding in is accompanied by a visual of his feet going pale and see through from being used so much#and the cracking glass refers to him#I AM INSANE WOOOOO#this is all before jd shows up and floyd is sure he is just going to die there and be forgotten#and he desperately wants to find peace with himself#damn i made myself sad#anyway#let me know what you think anon :D#trolls#answered#trolls floyd#edit: changed to a different video bc of issues
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The funniest thing about the “Imogen saved me” moment is that laudna didn’t actually get to hear Imogen’s “You know you saved me life, right?” but the rest of the bells hells did. They have gotten to sit and listen to these bitches say they saved each other when they met a total of two times and all the whilst knowing that they have not kissed on the lips once.
#also they’re not doing a thing about it#like is Imogen gonna maybe tell her how she feels? nop#Imogen’s about to bend and break#she’ll snap and kill a bunch of people she’s a danger to herself and others#she’s going through something#but like#remember when she said that when Laudna came to town it was the first time that she felt any peace for a really long time?#you’re telling me that she had to kill some people in order to protect the dead lady she just met that has musical thoughts#and that was the first time that she felt any peace since a very long time?#peace?#it’s too much#imodna#critical role#laudna#imogen temult#campaign 3#c3#bells hells
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chat what if i said i was for some reason really fixated on the loki series and i really love the life series and that i was cooking
oh boy will this take me a while
#trafficblr#life series#life series fanart#animation#art#loki#<- kind of#i don’t know if it qualifies#but i mean it is music from the show#Purpose is Glorious by Natalie Holt- it’s in the ending of Loki episode 6 season 2 for anyone wondering#it sounds oddly familiar#yet unfamiliar at the same time#like i’m dancing through a field#that is empty for miles#i don’t know where i am#and yet#i am at peace.#the trumpets in the middle / end were in 2023 edits i swear#someone tell me im not going insane#please#anyways#watch me either#A. never finish this#B. take 7 months#C. Rewatch loki atleast 13 times before i finish this#i am so fixated on the loki series i honestly don’t know why#it’s just so amazing i could ramble on about it for hours#these tags are getting really long#so i’m going to stop now#👋👋 can’t wait to watch more of wild life!!
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#me#oops I'm really happy#alone with my music and the window open the night air coming through#i feel so at peace being by myself tonight. i hope this feeling lasts. i hope the days ahead are filled with more happiness than sorrow
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the fact that slipping through my fingers by abba came out on 30th november 1981 not even one month after halloween yet it is the most lily evans coded song that exists 😭😭
#marauders#lily evans#lily evans potter#lily potter#james x lily#lily x james#jily#marylily#mary x lily#lily x mary#abba#slipping through my fingers#the visitors#80s#80s music#80s aesthetic#hp marauders#marauder era#the marauders fandom#the marauders era#the marauders#marauders fandom#halloween 1981#death#rip#rest in peace#lily flower#rip lily evans
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all I really ever wanted was for you to die in the arms of someone
#rambling#not me dialing the music up and energetically doing nothing instead of focusing on writing#but also...👀#mayhaps be relevant#wait that sounds ominous with the context of the lyrics but it's just bc i like those lines oops#give me the strength to get through the next 2 days of work so i can write in peace and finish this
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summited TWO mountains today (cared for all my plants and made pasta bake when i did not want to do ANYTHING). my power 👍
#don't feel like myself today!#didn't even want to listen to music while i did my morning stretches and normally that's the thing that gets me to do them! :P#no thoughts head empty kinda day i guess!#almost made it through this one and did a pretty good job so! peace and love on planet thursday and roll on friday!
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