#Part of me also headcanoned she joined because the Sharing gave her more opportunities to get ahead despite her ethnicity

[wheatart]

This was a commission from years ago that fell through (also when I learned to not continue past sketches until after payment). Tom meets a cute girl promoting a new club called the Sharing.

Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/wheatart Commission info: https://wheatart.com/about

[xaharadesert]

Accidental Potion Drinking - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: This is one of the super cute requests I’ve gotten from @firefly-child! It’s taken some time to get to it (as I’m currently working through older requests), but I’m super excited to write something light and fluffy :) the backstory provided was along the lines of MC and their LI having a little wine night when MC accidentally grabs the wrong bottle and they end up drinking a harmless potion instead, which is a really fun request! I don’t know anything about wine, so I’ll just casually skirt around that issue by leaving it to the reader’s imagination, but since the type of potion was left up to me I’ll definitely be having some fun describing the effects! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, and requests are open!

TW: drinking, consumption of alcohol, tipsy characters, mentions of alcohol, sorry I don’t really know how to tag for this kind of thing, but the alcohol bit is really only mentioned briefly to set up the scene

❤️Julian❤️

It didn’t take long to realize that you had grabbed the wrong bottle, considering that after the two of you had taken a few sips of what you had thought was wine you had both started slowly floating upward

There were a few moments where Julian thought to himself “wow, this stuff must be pretty strong, I kinda feel like I’m floating” before he realized that, oh, he was, in fact, floating

This was followed shortly after by only a second of panic, which quickly turned into delight when he remembered he was dating a magician and this sort of thing was probably normal for you

Honestly though, as endearing as it would be for him to simply trust that you were pulling a harmless prank, you would probably be panicking a bit more because oh my stars you grabbed the wrong bottle and which potion was this exactly?

But of course, Julian has an infectious laugh, and seeing as you were already a bit tipsy and nothing majorly bad was currently happening, you dissolved into a fit of giggles as well

By now the two of you were drifting near the ceiling (thank goodness you were inside), laughing at each other as you tried not to spin too far apart

The effects of the potion wore off a few minutes later, seeing as you had only had a few sips each, and you settled down peacefully, no harm done

🧡Portia🧡

The two of you had been having a rather peaceful evening, for once devoid of any sort of job or task that needed tending to

You were genuinely relaxing, drinking wine and telling bad jokes that would send you into full-bellied laughter— the kind that only seemed to grow whenever you tried to stop

With that being said, it wasn’t that surprisingly when the two of you developed a bad case of the hiccups after a while

What was surprising were the bubbles that floated from your mouth afterward

Although you were initially confused, Portia’s obvious delight at the magical turn of events quickly dissuaded your worries

She was always thrilled whenever you performed even the smallest bit of magic in your daily life, and this was no different, even if it was an accident on your part

Her hiccups only seemed to get worse as she laughed harder, tears of joy starting to spill from her eyes

The mood was infectious, and you would find yourself joining her in her pure delight

Small moments of joy such as this permeated your relationship, but this one in particular would always be a favourite of Portia’s, she was sure

💛Lucio💛

You know, even with Mercedes and Melchoir’s incessant barking, you two had been having a rather relaxing evening, sharing your favourite wines with each other as Lucio regaled you with endless stories of his epic past battles and parties

However, as always, things took a turn in the most unexpected way

The two of you had only taken a few sips of a bottle you had brought out when you noticed the dogs’ barks seemed to sound… different

You tuned out Lucio for a moment and came to the realization that you were, in fact, hearing actual genuine words coming from the dogs’ mouths as they yelled at Lucio, an endless chant of “Dad, dad, dad!”

Lucio seemed to have not noticed, so you gave him a gentle shove and motioned for him to be quiet and listen to the dogs, which promptly lead to his own eyes widening and his mouth hanging open as he processed what was happening

He was thrilled, obviously, to be able to communicate with his beloved dogs, and all thoughts of the story he was telling were forgotten

In all honesty, Mercedes and Melchior didn’t seem to have a lot to say other than “Dad!” and “Love!”, but Lucio’s eyes were brimming with tears anyway as he hugged his dogs close

Let’s be real, having the opportunity to tell a beloved pet that you love them and to have them understand it would be one of the greatest feelings of all time, and Lucio was determined to not waste a second

What may have been a small mistake on your part was one of the greatest moments of Lucio’s life, in his words

💚Muriel💚

It wasn’t noticeable at first— then again, Muriel’s voice was rather deep

But after a few more sips, you couldn’t deny it; his voice was definitely getting higher

He had been in the middle of telling you about something funny one of the chicken’s had done that day, and you had been quietly listening, but now you absolutely had to know

So, as politely as possible, you interrupted him, only to find that, oh, yeah, your voice was much higher than before

Both of you seemed pretty shocked, but let’s be honest, it’s hard not to laugh when it sounds like both of you had just inhaled helium, which, apparently, was the effect of the potion you had accidentally poured out for the two of you to drink

Muriel tried to stifle his laughter, but failed miserably as you embraced the situation and let out a long and loud sound of joy

There was no harm in drinking the potion, luckily, so the two of you decided to continue as you were, telling stories in the most serious voices you could while trying not to burst out laughing

💙Asra💙

Most evenings you spent alone with Asra were filled with quiet laughter and gentle light continuing to illuminate the room even after the sun had bid you goodnight, and today was no different

You had opened a new bottle of wine just a few minutes prior, despite both you and Asra having slightly rosy cheeks from being a bit tipsy already

The cozy light of the lantern above your head reflected off of him in a way that almost made him seem like he was glowing, although combined with the way he dressed it wasn’t very unusual

That was until you reached out to him to push aside a stray curl from his face and subsequently realized that relative to you, he really was very much actually glowing

You had been telling him about a particularly stubborn customer earlier, and as a result, hadn’t had as much to drink, so the difference was clear

He picked up on your surprise quickly, and reached up toward his own hair, thinking perhaps there was something stuck in it that startled you, only to also see his skin was glowing with a faint light

Of course, he knew as well as you did that potions were often misplaced in the shop when there was no real urgency to keep them sorted, so he knew right away what was happening, and, frankly, he found it hilarious

If you were at all apprehensive about drinking random potions while tipsy, Asra would have been pick to put those thoughts from your mind by quickly downing more of the potion and snuffing out the lantern

This on it’s own would have been a funny sight, but when he smiled widely at you and you noticed that even his teeth were glowing with a bright white light, you wouldn’t have been able to do anything but laugh, which, of course, had been his plan all along

He would encourage you to drink the potion as well so the two of you could wander around in the darkened Vesuvian streets and scare other citizens :)

💜Nadia💜

Wine nights with Nadia are pretty common— it’s one of her favourite ways to unwind after a long day of working to improve Vesuvia

However, she’s usually the one providing the wine (seeing as she’s a very wealthy Countess), so nights like this one, where you brought over some of your favourites to share, were rather uncommon

The two of you weren’t particularly tipsy when you accidentally poured a potion into her glass instead of wine— an accident that you immediately recognized when Nadia morphed into an entirely different person in front of your eyes

Nadia herself seemed a bit surprised as well, seeing as the effect of the potion usually left the user with a mild child down their spine

You were quick to point out the error and apologize, but to your confusion Nadia seemed thrilled with the mistake

Blending in with Vesuvia’s population to gain a better understanding of her people was something she had always struggled to do, but you had just handed her the perfect opportunity

Wine forgotten, she grabbed your hand and lead you toward what was sure to be one of the most adventurous nights you had ever had in Vesuvia

[natsukitakama]

Headcanon : Control feat Floch Forster

"Well since some writers claim that Floch would be rough in bed then how about smut Floch with a fem soft s/o, she’s not exactly a tease person, she’s just incredibly shy, needy and sensitive who gets embarrassed easily. I’m really curious if Floch would be rough or gentle with her if his s/o is soft and shy but when she’s naked, she gets embarrassed and cover herself"

Author note : Gotta admit I’m a little bit curious too, I mean the big boi got a huge switch energy. Like I can’t totally picture him being a 100%DOM or a 100%SUB maybe it’s just me but I feel like he is a switch a big one. I wrote a headcanon + a tiny scenario.

As usual I apologize for taking so long I hope you’ll enjoy it ♡

Also I don’t know what to do with my life anymore lol was it nasty enough ? Was it good ? I need to write more caliente headcanon I’m still insecure about it lol

Warning : NSFW / SMUT / Mention of spoil from season 4

SMUT : mention of spanking, mention of spitting, mention of rough sex, a little bit of hair pulling nothing bad

Masterlist

Sex with Floch is difficult, there’s nothing wrong with neither of you.

Since his return with Shinganshima, he kinda lost a part of him. He was never the tender one but this event surely broke what was left of his kindness.

It doesn’t mean he would act violently toward you, but he became easily frustrated and not in the good way. Meaning sometimes he will get angry easily, he tends to be violent each time someone doesn’t agree with him. He became a monster but he hasn't known that yet.

Now, he was really in love with you and knowing your personality he couldn’t really be too rough on you.

A part of him really enjoy being rough on you, knowing he was corruption you a little bit more each time he was thrusting into you. It fascinated him the way you would bend at each of his command, opening your mouth when it told you so, screaming begging when he gave you an order. Instead of being rough for the thrill of it, he was rough on you because he loves seeing you getting all red from pleasure not being able to talk because he was fucking you dumb.

Since back in Shinganshima he couldn’t control anything, he would be in control now especially in his sex life and since you were just co compliant with him. He couldn’t just leave this opportunity.

The fact that you were so shy around him even though you’ve been naked in front of him a lot of times never felt to tease him to be a little more rougher on you. Your personality just triggers his « dark instinct »

Now, we must not forget that in the beginning Floch was and would remain a switch, which mean sometimes he needs to feel you taking care of him. To put it simple Shinganshima broke him, and since no one tries to bring him back, he works on his own to not just fall apart.

Some times he needs comfort, some times he needs to be in control. Especially for sex, during a period, when he felt especially « weak » or at least fragile, he would put extra roughness on you meaning he’ll tend to bend you over a desk or anything for that matter as long as he can bend you over, moving your ass up spreading your legs widely so he could get a nice view of your ass and leg.

He might even went as far as to took a bunch of your hair and pull it so you would scream at the pain, and while your mouth would be widely open he won’t hesitate and spit into your mouth.

He also tends to put extra slapping at your ass just because he feels like it

You’re lucky that he is hitting all the good spot, cause the man is too lost on his own pleasure to even notice that well he is particularly rough. But don’t worry, you two got safe word just in case he is too lost on his feeling.

Or, when he feels cocky or just because he is tired from his works. Floch would just lay down on his bed, hands behind his head as you’re looking at him expecting to be taken by him. Then he will just narrow one of his brown eye and say « what ? You’re expecting me to take care of you ? Naah it’s not how it’s work (scuse me sir aren’t you the one who broke me last night ???) you want me y/n then take that cock cause I won’t put a single finger for you ».

But when he feels lonely or sad, or just because you feel like you needed to put him at his place. Spank him, edge him, overstimulate him, make him beg for release and that fucker would even cum harder than usual (little bastard). There’s one thing he might be against, it’s pegging, like a finger or a two why not but a whole toy in his butt ? You’ll need to be a little more convincing for this one (read : fuck him dumbs until he can’t even remember his name and he won’t even whine)

But to do that you’ll need to be extra confident with that, cause even though he is a switch don’t forget that he is most and foremost a jerk, so basically he won’t let you have his way with you easily especially if you tend to be super shy.

If you think that fucker won’t tease the hell out of you for being cocky ? You don’t know Floch.

« Well well what do we have here ??? And here I thought you were innocent Y/N »

« S-Shut up Floch »

« Make me. »

Damn brat *cough cough*

Anyway, if during foreplay or even in the « it » of the moment you felt insecure or sad, use your safe word, Floch isn’t really good at reading people and he might think you were acting extra shy as usual while in fact you were feeling bad over something. Then proceed to explain to him what’s wrong.

He is the stupid worshipper. Always like « Huh ? You think you’re ugly ? Are you stupid ? Of course you’re hot look at you ? I thought you were smarter than y/n » damn buddy it hurts coming from you. Also the dirty worshipper.

« Such a nasty hole you are y/n look at it all clutching around nothing waiting for me to fill it entirely. Fuck you’re wonderful y/n »

« Mamama look at those legs they were made to be wrapped around my hips »

« Damn it y/n you sure know how to suck a cock »

« Look at you taking my cock so well, I swear your swallow me without a blink of an eye what a good slut you are y/n »

Yeah that’s his praise

I’m sorry

He’s doing his best

So yeah he might be a switch if you’re too shy to dom him, well all he has to do his to take the leas right ?

Now if we’re focusing about your first time not just with him, like if you’re a virgin that would be another story.

A part of him want to be extra rough on you like he will corrupt you, you know ? Not really a kink of him but the thought of it got his dick hard as rock so safe to say that he is not against the idea of fucking you dumb.

But as the thought was starting to drive him crazy he realized that for a first time, knowing your personality being quite shy and embarrassed easily he might not be the best idea to just jump into you. Maybe taking your time together would be for the best, so both of you would learn about each other’s body, sweet spot, what to do or not do.

He won’t be too vanilla because that’s not how he is especially now that he joined the yeagarist, in fact his return from Shinganshima changed him into a cold man, mentally instable but somehow strong when it came to follow his belief, but still as I stated before he always needed control but also need a way to get out of his nightmare. So being rough with you in bed sound like a perfect way to escape his reality, of course it’s not healthier way but it’s work so he won’t complain.

Now that being said, even if it won’t be your first time together I can’t see him forcing you into things that make you uncomfortable. He is a dick, but he cares about you. He might try to convince you to at least give it a shot, especially if he felt that the reason that you’re refusing it’s just you being shy (even if he told in his own way that there no need to be shy round him). But he felt that something scares you, he won’t force you and won’t even bring it again.

I don’t feel like he is into gun play/ arm play for that matter, not into blood play either. He is surrounded by blood and weapons all the time, sex with you is supposed to be a safe place where he can escape his old demons so no gun for the baby.

In conclusion, the fact that you are shy angel won’t stop him for being you so it’s up to you to tell him what’s good for you or not.

I know for a shy person it’s difficult to talk about the sensitive subject but remember that communication is a key, he might be a dick and sometimes you’d feel like you can’t talk to him like he is an ass (he is but hey you love him) like he didn’t care about your opinion but that’s not true, you are important and probably the only thing that matter to him (aside from saving paradise but you includes so) so don’t be afraid.

Tiny scenario because it took me forever to post it as a compensation :

« Fuck yeah you feel amazing y/n »

For some reason today Floch was particularly generous with you, not that usually he is not. But today he felt like spoiling you. At first it started with multiple hot make-out session everytime you two were alone. Pushing you against the near wall or holding you against his firm chest, it’s like his lips couldn’t leave yours for like one minute. One of his hand was behind your neck keeping your head firmly against him as the other left for your ass to grab it. Your body was caught between his body and the wall, so all you could do was putting your arm around his neck and just enjoy his warmth as he was greedily kissing you. After all, you hadn’t got the chance to see your boyfriend for a while, to be exact after your mission in Mahr and the capture of Eren you barely caught a moment together to share a kiss. He claimed that there was nothing against you and that he was just very busy since the situation between Mahr and Paradis was still tight.

So, his little greediness was welcomed, you couldn’t help but starting to feel touch starved. You were missing him to the point that you started to wear some of his coat just to be able to catch some of his warmth. Of course you didn’t say anything about it, knowing your boyfriend you wouldn’t see the end of it. After kissing you for like the tenth time, Floch finally moved a little to be able to see you from your entirety. Lips swollen slightly open as you were taking your breath since he barley left you time to take a breath, hair a little messy for the way he was grabbing it firmly, cheeks all pink (probably because you were both embarrassed and turned on by his action). It was definitely a view that was worth it. Since his return from Mahr, Floch hasn't had time much to his dismay to mange some quality time with you, hell he couldn’t even remember the last you two has gone on a date together. Knowing the situation, and what was about to happen with the yeagarist he won’t be able to take you on a date before a long time. So he felt like he needed to take every occasion to have his way with you, kissing you, stroking your body, feeling you against him cause who knows when he’ll be able to have you close to him again ? He was starting to feel angry and eager;

Alongside, let’s be honest the yeagarist didn’t do anything to help him. All the time, he could hear them whining about some soldier who apparently wasn’t on their side, or about the fact that yeah some of them have spent a couple of days in jail. They were starting to get on his nerve, most of them were just spoiled brat who never went into hell and here they have the guts to complain about their condition ? What a shame. He started to feel his shoulder getting heavy. His muscles too were sore, his patience was slowly disappearing worst, he started to have nightmares again. It all started because he wasn’t with you, because he barely spent time with you. He needed you. He needed you right now.

« Floch a-are you okay ? Y-You keep staring at me »

« Do I ? Sorry you just looked amazing all fucked up because of him »

« I-I’m not fucked up »

« Yet. »

A race and a couple of clothes on the floor later, here you were bending over his bed. Face down with a hand firmly against your neck, ass up all good for Floch as he was grinding against you as if it would be the last time that you two would have sex. You were used to Floch being rough against you and to be honest you didn’t mind it since he was hitting all the good spot, and the way he is grunting each time you were clutching against him was music to his hear. Also the dirty talk didn’t help. But today was different, for some reason the foreplay lasts longer than usual, you noticed that Floch took extra time kissing each inch of your body, stroking everything that he might forget. He also ate you out longer than usual putting extra time to make you cum multiple time before he could even put the head of his dick in you. You didn’t mind though, it was good to be spoiled by Floch without even begging for it.

« I could spend my life between your leg y/n but now it’s time for the real fun, come on I want you on four for me. Spread those gorgeous legs of yours for me cause I can’t spend any minute without being in you »

As he was thrusting into you senseless, you felt that he was slowing down but still keeping a firm rhythm against you. Then you felt your body moving, so you could be face to him, he moved his own body too bringing your ankle around his head as your legs were now on his shoulder. The light coming from the windows highlight his toned chest and his arm muscles, his hair were a mess from all the time he put them in place. Even after getting intimate with him multiple times, getting naked in front of him was still something that embarrassed you. He knew that. So it was no surprise for you that you hear him chuckled at your state before slowing down putting your knee at your chest, so he could kiss you again for like the hundred time.

« You felt like heaven babe I’m not kidding I can die now it would be perfect. So tight and warm for me »

And then as if nothing happened, he roughly starts to thrust into you. Floch’s head was now in the crook of your neck as he was breathing heavily, your hand were now on his hair grabbing it each time he was hiding your sweet spot. His movement were kinda slow though as he was taking time to thrust deeply into you reaching whenever spot he was looking for, you swore you could feel his head on your stomach or maybe it was just you losing your mind. It didn’t help that you suddenly felt his hand between your leg touching you, stroking you, teasing you so you would approach your climax quicker than him. No doubt that Floch planned to either edge you or overstimulate you, knowing how he spoils you before, he might overstimulate you until you would be nothing but a mess.

How long would you last before loosing your mind ? That’s what Floch was about to know.

[softrozene]

Ace, Kid, Law: Crushing Headcanons

@trxsmaii​ requested: Hey! May I request a HC for Kid, Law, and Ace where they have a crush on fem!reader who is a strawhat crew? Thank you!❣️

God- I love this request so thank you for entrusting me with it! This was just overall cute and fun to do! To add to the fluff- I gave Reader more of a calm/gentle personality (that way Luffy can be like ‘Nah- she’s my friend- The one that actually lets me take food off her plate so you can’t have her).

Ace, Kid, Law x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, comedy- That is pretty much it. Oh- These are on the long side since they also turned out more like scenarios?

Words: 1400

Portgas D. Ace-

Chances are- He knew you before you joined Luffy’s crew

He was immediately smitten whether it be from your appearance or your personality- Something drove him to you, but he could not act on it (do to his self-esteem)

So that became an immediate one-sided crush

However- The chances of seeing you again AND in his brother’s crew

This has to be fate

It has to be some sort of opportunity

Whether he will come back or not after his quest to find “that” man he needs to tell you he likes you to live up to living his life with no regrets

….That proves to be difficult when his brother appears to be glued to your side

And it is obvious his brother does not like you as he does- He sees the platonic love between you but- Luffy is always near you and that proves difficult to get you alone to confess

But seeing you interact with his brother- It fills his heart up with love

You genuinely care for others and you do not mind when Luffy straight-up takes your food without asking (that is why he sits next to you during mealtimes)

But whenever Luffy is not glued to your side, someone else is

You just radiate a warmth like no other and Ace really admires that- He just wishes he can touch that warmth by himself without someone hovering over you

Thanks to your caring personality you do notice when Ace becomes a bit more irritated than usual

He does not necessarily take it out on others- It is more like pouting and you find that adorable and since you consider Ace a long-time friend you do not hesitate to excuse yourself with whoever is by your side to go talk to the man. You after all care for him and he holds a special place in your heart like no other- He leaves a burning impression that you adore

“What’s on your mind, Ace?” You ask

Not knowing when he will get another moment or before anyone can ruin this one, he just blurts out “I really, really, like you (Name). You’re on my mind all the time and I just needed you to know before I continue my adventure.”

The smile that lights up your face leaves him breathless and as you are ready to reply- And from the looks of it- Return his feelings, a hand comes to knock him out

“Nami told me about your plans! You can’t crush my friend, Ace! She is strong!” Luffy ruins the moment.

Of course, he ruins the moment

You know what?

Ace is okay with that since he was able to see your lovely face light up with happiness and amusement at Luffy’s misunderstanding

Eustass Kid-

Kid probably realizes he likes you after he gets to meet you at Sabaody

He had been keeping tabs of all the Supernovas and you were such a pretty face with a big bounty that he had to keep more important tabs on you (but neglected to realize you were a part of Luffy’s crew)

“Of course, she had to be a part of his crew”

In other words, Kid had absolutely no idea that his newfound crush was a part of Luffy’s crew

He does not like it one bit

And even better he probably does not realize he is crushing and hard just because he knows you are powerful based on your bounty

Though- The second he gets the pleasure to meet you on the island- It makes him realize how deep his feelings are really involved

He has not experienced anything like it (probably aside from lust). These mushy feelings make him want to hurl but more importantly- Get you to join his crew to calm the storm in his heart

He will be extra grumpy due to these mushy feelings

When you first speak to him- You do so in a way that makes his heart soar. He knows fully well that you are aware of who he is, how brutal he is, and even so, you treat him with kindness. No mockery hidden beneath

Seeing your genuine kindness makes his feelings worse and he is basically a jumbled man and highly jealous of Luffy

He will ask immediately that you join his crew

When you deny it- He does become harsher and asks for reasons on why-

“What could be so important in that stupid Straw Hat’s crew?”

Tell him it is the actual crew, and he will melt at your genuine love for them

God- Why can’t you join his crew? You would love his crew too. He was sure of it

If you continue to deny, he will go straight to the source- Your captain

He will demand a duel for you to which Luffy denies and he will then just pester Luffy and/or threaten to take you anyway

Luffy denies it all- “Pfft, you can try to take her, but she will always be my nakama” or “She can’t leave- Who will give me their food?”

Luffy does not mean for it to come out condescending but that is how Kid takes it and it fuels the fire to obtain you even more

Basically- He becomes bitter to Luffy and pleading to you- It is just a whole mess since he genuinely likes you and your calm heart

He even respects your loyalty to Straw Hat- but despite the answers he receives, he will still yearn for you

Trafalgar Law-

Law will admit that you caught his eye the second he saw your bounty

He will admit that you hold a beauty he has not quite seen but when he meets you- You completely screw him over- Not intentionally of course but in a way that he can’t recover from

Much like his alliance with Luffy- He has received many surprises but once he holds an actual conversation with you- He hates how fast his heart beats

He will admit you are pretty- That your personality is charming, but he will deny his crush on you until he deals with a certain someone

Until then he acts as he loathes you (even though he loves the conversations you share with him and even more that you do not take his bitterness to heart)

You still meet him with kindness after he treats you coldly and it surprises him

How can you be so sweet? How can you be so genuine?

Then it hits him- That is why you were in Straw Hat’s crew- Your Genuity

Once again, the Straw Hats manage to surprise the heck out of him and he falls harder the more he tries to deny his crush

Though he grows to love being around you and he eventually seeks you out when the others become too much for him to handle. Your calm and gentle personality being the perfect match to help with his burnout he receives from the others

Because he does get close to the Straw Hats though- It becomes inevitable to not get close to you- With the amount of stress that could kill a population on his shoulders, he longs for your gentle touch (he saw you petting Luffy’s hair and he almost saw red since he could not receive the same treatment) to ease the burden off his shoulder even for a minute

Then one night- He receives just that

He leans over against a table with you by his side and he just sighs heavily

You take that as a sign of needing comfort and before you could think to ask your fingers begin to thread into his hear and massage his scalp

He freezes- Confused from this sudden affection before he realizes- Holy mother of living life does this feel good- Straw Hat gets this special treatment all the time?!

You bet your butt he vows then and there to steal you away eventually- He does not care how long it takes he is too infatuated with you but he hates the thought of dealing with that stubborn Straw Hat

Even so- after he deals with that certain business in Dressrosa he will finally confess

And much like Ace’s scenario- Luffy overhears and misunderstands that Law is either trying to crush you or steal you away from him and despite their friendship, Luffy will say no <3

[birdy-bat-writes]

Plumerias

Heyyyyyy, So, I wrote this thing for @anothertimdrakestan because I was so in love with that ship she wrote. Elle, I literally love you and you are my soulmate so Bart can like share you with me but I first soulmate dibs. ❤(ˆ‿ˆԅ) I really hope you like it!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was supposed to be about relaxation and letting loose. You were about to meet your friends at the beach for a little retreat. Sounds great, right? So, explain why your car’s ‘check engine’ had to start flashing on your way there. What a whump. The car won’t start…. I guess I have to call her.

Miles away, the phone of your amazing Tumblr soulmate phone rang (shameless self-promotion). “Hey, Elle. On your way?”

“Dude, my car won’t start.”

“Seriously? Wait, where are you?”

“Oh, um, outside the Dunkin Donuts on Field street.”

“Dunkin Donuts on Field street. Got it. I’m going to come get you. Wait there.” Unbeknownst to you or her, someone else was paying an awful lot of attention to our conversation. Your one and only, Bart Allen. He heard your name in conversation and was instantly drawn in. He had been crushing on you for months now, and because you both were adorably oblivious (him more than you), he hadn’t yet realized that you felt the same way. Nonetheless, he took that moment to take off.

“Dunkin Donuts. Field street.” He really only showed up because of you, and if you couldn’t be where he was, he might as well find a way to you. And besides, he just got an opportunity to be all heroic and save your day. Wally and your friend only got to know when a gust of wind blew sand onto them.

“So, I’m assuming Bart’s going to get her now.” Riya said, brushing sand off of her.

“Wait, he didn’t take a car. I’ll call hi-,”

“STOP! I sense shipping opportunities. Let it happen…”

Bart got to the parking lot and saw your car parked by a lamppost. Then the nerves kicked in. You looked so cute dancing in your car. Before walking over to you, he checked out his reflection in the restaurant window and straightened his hair. You saw this though. “Is he… checking himself out in the window? HEY, DORK!” Bart stiffened. Awww his looked so cute with his baseball tee and board shorts.

“Heyyyy, Elle.”

“What are you doing here? I thought Riya was coming to jumpstart my car.” Truth be told, you were quite happy he was there.

“Oh, yeah, well I came here to do that,” And that when it hit him that he didn’t come with a car. Or jumper cables. “but looking at it now, I don’t really know what to do.” You laughed at him.

“My hero.” Sarcasm was evident in your voice. He responded to you sticking his tongue out you. “You’re such a dork.”

“You know it, babe. I’m adorkable.” He said, flashing a bright smile and a wink.

“Oh my god,” You giggled softly. Why does he have to be so darn cute??? “Okay, any suggestions?”

“Let’s get food.”

“I meant to fix the car.”

“Eat first and think better later?” You didn’t even want to argue with that because you were hungry too.

“Alright, I could eat. We’re by Dunkin, want to get something from there?” he nodded. You both went in and ordered quite a bit of food. Bart offered to carry all on the food bags to car but you insisted on carrying some of it and made your way out. Bart met you about two minutes later with the reaming food bag and cup of coffee. That was odd since Bart didn’t like coffee and you don’t remember either of you ordering a beverage.

“This is for you. Iced coffee with cream, no sweetener. Please tell me I got that right.” You were smiling so much.

“You did get it right. How did you know that?”

“I remember hearing you order it sometime.” He remembered a lot of the things you did and said. He can’t pinpoint when or how he heard them but he made it a point to remember the little things just to see you smile. One of the things he loved about you was how your smile was never something as simple as the corners of your mouth turning up. You smiled wholeheartedly with a twinkle in your eyes. It was the type of smile that could light up a whole city, and he lived for it.

“Well, thank you for the coffee, and for remembering.” After that you both sat back and finished your food. The conversations you had were so random, it was hilarious.

Bart: “How is Po not your favorite Teletubby?”

Elle: “How do you have a favorite Teletubby?! They’re creepy!”

***

“I like Ellie.”

“Call me whatever you want.”

“E?”

“Sure.”

“Lele?”

“Sure.” You chuckled at him.

“How about Leelu?”

“I like it.”

“Elle, ma belle?” He did the French accent too. “It means beautiful in French.”

“I know that.” You were stiff as a board and clearly a little shy. *Your heart really went (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥*

***

“Okay, what’s your favorite flower?”

“Hmm, plumeria.”

“Plume-what?”

“It’s the white one with yellow in the center.” Bart still looked very lost, so you decided to show him a picture. You had leaned over to show it to him and didn’t realize quite how close you were until you looked up and met eyes with him. The moment was however interrupted by your phone ringing. “I’ll just take this.”

“I’ll throw the trash away.” You were both slightly blushy heheh. Cuties. Anyway, you answered the phone.

“Hi.”

“How are you not here yet?”

“Well why didn’t you come with a car?!”

“Because your boyfriend was in too much of a hurry to get into a car.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!”

“Yet.”

“What?”

“Never mind that. What was wrong with your car?”

“The check engine light went on, so I checked the engine and everything is fine. I just need to jump-start it.”

“Make Bart do it. Speedsters can produce electric charges high enough to do that.”

“How do you know?”

“Wally does it all the time.”

“So, you use your boyfriend’s powers for this?”

“….Yes.”

***

So, Bart started the car. You made it to the beach without breaking down again and you already felt like that was a victory. You arrived just as the sun was setting too. The water was glowing with gold and orange and high up, you could see the faint glow of stars in the darkening sky. You met with everyone and laid your things down on the beach chairs before heading towards the water. Bart joined you and you walked along the beach. People lit bonfires and the light gave the whole place a warm glow and being there with him felt surreal. *Splash* Surrealism gone. You splashed back. You went back and forth like this and ran to distance yourself from him but being a speedster, he caught you. You both called a truce and sat down where you were, still laughing. You were at a more secluded part of the beach. You were closer to the cliffs and greenery that surrounded this part of the beach, and while you were admiring it, Bart stood up.

“I’ll be right back.” You wondered where he went but he didn’t take long to come back. When you saw him, he had one hand behind his back, and before you could ask, he crouched down next to you and showed you a little white and yellow flower. It was a plumeria. “Tada.” He delicately put it in your hands.

“Oh my gosh, thank you. Where’d you find this?”

“I saw a small tree over there, and I thought the flowers looked like the picture you showed me.”

“I love it.” Gosh, why is he so cute? And caring too??? Only a few moments later he asked you,

“Hey, E, most people pick roses or carnations as their favorite. How come you like this one?”

“In Hawaii, there’s this sort of tradition. If you wear a single plumeria on your right, it means you’re single and if you wear it on your left that means you’re taken. I always thought it was really cute.”

“That is cute.” You’re cute. I love you.

“Hey, Bart?” All or nothing. I can do this.

“Hm?”

“I really like you.” He didn’t say anything. He just smiled really wide, and leaned in. you closed your eyes and felt his lips brush yours. It was sweet and passionate, and when you pulled away you saw his beautiful forest-green eyes. The evening sun brought out every glimmer of gold and olive in the green. “So you like me back then?” He let out a short laugh.

“Yes. Very much.” He looked down at the flower in your hand. “Actually, may I?” he asked, gesturing to the flower. You nodded. Bart tucked a few strands of hair behind your left ear and placed the flower between them. It was really cute- *CLICK*

“What the-?”

“SHIIIIIIIIP!” ‘Twas your crazy friend. She fangirls. Let her have this. She ships it.

“Riya, get back here!”

“Never! This is going in a scrapbook and you can’t stop me!”

End. :D

 Hi, so I know I told you I was writing this Fic but I bet you didn’t know about the Headcanon:

 Because you’re too precious and I love you too much to stop there.

-       You and Bart are literally the cutest couple though.

-       He calls you Leelu, E, Ellie. Smelly Ellie if he’s feeling daring. Hehe.

-       You guys make endless meals of chicken nuggets.

-       He will never and I mean NEVER go to bed without messaging you ‘Goodnight, I love you.’ And at least four emojis.

-       He loves your hair. Sometimes he’ll try to play with it, and you’ll lean back into him. Sometimes you both will just fall asleep there.

-       Can you imagine him trying to read your fanfictions? Aww that would be so cute. Endless teasing.

-       He would constantly be impressed by how smart and creative you are.

-       He would go to all of your games and school events, cheering the loudest.

-       He’s so in love with your eyes. He’s so in love with YOU he’ll just sit sometimes and stare at your face, smiling.

-       You’re the only person who gets to call him Henry. There’s also SO many cute nicknames. Bar-bar, imagine if you called him Bartholomew, call him mew-mew.

-       He would do the Kidflash and Jinx thing but with plumeria instead of roses.

-       I really feel like he would speed up to you wherever you are, kiss you and then run away just because he missed you.

-       So much cuddling. He would LOVE your dog.

-       You radiate tall person energy but you’re actually a smol bean so like imagine the height difference when he kisses you! (hehehe I’m taller than you)

-       He’d lift you up all the time and twirl you around while he kisses you.

-       He hates when you don’t give him attention so if you’re distracted when he’s around, he’ll kiss your neck and cheeks until you focus on him.

-       You guys would be goofy and fun. He’d love your energy.

-       Ice cream dates. Get ice cream on your lips. He’ll kiss it away.

-       Also, a scene:

-       “Okay well, I confessed first.”

-       Well, I kissed you first!”

-       “I said ‘I love you’ first!”

-       “Well, I proposed first!”

-       “What?”

-       *Down on one knee with a ring*

-       That would be you two.

-       Oh, and I won’t be taking pictures of that, I’ll be recording it. It shall play at your wedding.

-       Overall, you guys are so cute and healthy and perfect. He would definitely do everything he could to make you happy and you’re such a caring, loving person, I know you’d do the same.

[daphnefangirling]

Why I Started Shipping Bughead

This post is my contribution to Day 2 of @bugheadcentral‘s Bughead Appreciation Week. 

Now, here’s the thing: I quit the show when the article about the ‘storyline that shall not be named’ was leaked. I haven’t watched a single episode since and don’t plan on watching the remaining seasons. What comes below are my feelings about Bughead from episode 1.01 to 4.16 which serves as the de facto series finale where I’m concerned. This got completely out of hand so if you want to read my VERY LONG ramblings, keep reading after the cut.

--- It's almost like Bughead has always existed --- There's this quote from an interview with Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa where he says: "It's almost like Bughead has always existed, Bughead will always exist, it's bigger than any of us." That first part was not the case for me. I'll be honest: I only really started actively shipping Bughead when they kissed in episode 1x06. But, thanks to Netflix, I did go back and rewatch the first episodes to see that, really, the seeds for Bughead were planted right from the end of the 2nd episode when Jughead walks into Pops with Archie and Betty turns around from the booth where she's sitting with Veronica and Jughead is lighted when he smiles at her while Archie is left in the dark. And that's when I realized: it was Jughead that Betty needed to see in a new light while Archie needed to drop to the background (and live his own love story with Veronica). Why is that scene important? For many reasons, but the most important one for me is that it showcased right away the chemistry between the two characters with the playful banter Jughead exchanges with Betty about the two boys joining the girls only if they're paying. It hinted at a longstanding relationship that happened prior to the start of the show. In my headcanon, that's exactly what happened with Betty and Jughead: he was the friend that she always overlooked and once they started spending more time alone together (without Archie's overshadowing presence to fuel Betty's infatuation over the idea of them as a couple), that's when she realized that it was Jughead who was her perfect match, not Archie. As for Jughead, you can see as soon as the next episode how important Betty is to him when he accepts to join the Blue & Gold simply because she's the one to ask him. Again, the chemistry between the characters is palpable in that scene and hints at a playfulness that was completely endearing for me. Jughead's affection for Betty and the importance he gives her in his life is showcased again in the following episode when he decides that the last movie to be shown at the Twilight Drive-In will be Betty's suggestion of Rebel Without A Cause. So even before they actually start interacting regularly, there are clues as to how important this relationship is for the both of them. That, of course, is cemented once they really start investigating together in episode 1x05 (there was no going back after that, Bughead was full steam ahead and I never looked back either on my affection -obsession?- for them). 

I want to mention that since I started shipping Bughead, I have gone back to the comics from my childhood (and modern ones now too) and there's actually a lot of evidence of how "Bughead has always existed" which I was pleasantly surprised to find out! I'm so glad Roberto caught on to that and decided to transpose that spark of an idea from the comics into a fully fledged relationship on his show. I will never thank him enough for making Bughead canon and giving me this beautiful couple that has become the wonderful ship it is now, even if it also existed before Riverdale came along (shoutout to @bughead-in-the-comics btw who provides us with all the amazing Comics Bughead content).

--- Bughead will always exist --- Now, I myself am not part of the "young" portion of the audience that Riverdale is aimed at. I’m 37 and I often feel like a grandma in this fandom! But maybe it's because I'm older (and wiser?) that I can see the importance of having Bughead be the anchor couple of the show. To have that stability, that profound love that isn't torn apart at every opportunity, that relationship where both parties communicate openly with one another, where they respect and value their partner enough to trust them with their heart and even their life sometimes, that's the kind of love that's not portrayed enough on our screens. That's what Bughead brings to the picture, that's why they matter, why they're important, why we relate to them and want them to thrive together. And overcoming obstacles together is important obviously, but seeing the soft and tender moments between them is too. It's all about balance, that's what you have with Bughead: in a Riverdale world where there's crazy stuff happening in every episode, to have Bughead be the stable ship that steers the show for the audience to identify with or aspire to, it's essential. One of Bughead's most memorable scenes perfectly illustrated this: in episode 1x10, we were shown cute moments before the party, conflict during the party and resolution at Pops after the party. In what is certainly one of the most beautiful scenes to grace our screens, that diner exchange where they confess to their mutual darkness and are just so accepting of each other, so tender with one another, that is a perfect example of what makes Bughead so special and different from most ships on television (especially on shows aimed at younger demographics). That scene is a staple of what Bughead is at its core, they are different but they accept each other wholly and their bond is stronger than the obstacles they have to face. And the stakes are so much higher now: they've shared more intimacy than ever before (heck they’re practically married), they will always exist because this fandom will keep them alive long after the show is over (and after they’ve ruined it).

--- [Bughead] it's bigger than any of us --- There is a purity to Bughead’s love story that is so rare, they truly struck gold with those two. There's magic there, Riverdale has something very special in their hands and it should be treated with the respect it deserves. Because to "harm" Bughead is to cut straight through the heart of many of the fans. That's how strongly we feel about those two, that's how important they've become to us, that's why we write (and read) fanfiction, create fan art, manips, video edits, buy Bughead merchandise, etc. It's because we connect with them on such a deep level, they breathe life into us when watching the show. They keep us coming back when everything seems like it's falling apart, Bughead being together helps us navigate the stormy waters that Riverdale can be sometimes. I have been a fan of many other things in my life, but I don’t remember ever feeling this strongly about anything else. I don’t think I’ve ever devoted as much love to a fandom as I have for Bughead. I’ve been sad (and I feel like the whole fandom has been sad) ever since they messed that up. And so I come back to "why I started shipping Bughead." It’s because I realized very early on how special they were. How unique and beautiful that relationship was and I was invested from that point on. It gave me such pleasure, joy and satisfaction to watch one of the most romantic relationships unfold on my TV screen each week. Additionally, it has meant being part of this community, this family (on Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter and even Facebook), it has brought new friendships into my life, it made me start reading again (both Archie Comics and fanfiction), it made me come to peace with the fangirl in me by purchasing a ton of Bughead merch both official and unofficial, it made me discover talented artists and commission Bughead pieces for my Bughead room... It’s been quite a ride ever since March 2017!

[rainiedeforest]

MDZS headcanons - Madame Lan and Qingheng-jun [PART 2]

To read the other parts:

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

***

When they demanded him that he let go Master Lan's assassin, Qingheng-jun refused, saying that he couldn’t let them put a hand over his wife and the new Madame of the clan. That statement horrified the elders, but they could do absolutely nothing. If he had really married that murderer, she was protected and their rules prevented them from touching her.

Qingheng-jun took her to Cloud Recesses and left her resting in the Jinghsi, unable to look her in the eyes. He was afraid to meet her disappointed and hurt look.

"Sorry, Aiyan. You can sleep peacefully. No one is going to touch or hurt you."

Without adding anything else, he sat down on the outside of the Jinghsi, guarding the enter so that no one could enter to harm her. Aiyan cried all night, choking her sobs against the pillow.

The next morning, the clan's elders insisted on how dangerous she was, claiming that they couldn’t let her roam free at Cloud Recesses. Qingheng-jun was angered, although he was aware of everything that had happened. His brother Qiren spoke to him, trying to make him reason.

"I can't believe you ruined all because of her." "You don't understand, Qiren." "No, I don't get it. You weren't like that. Where's the righteous and  good brother I admired?" "It never existed." "Yes, he did. Until you saw her. It's her, right? She's that woman you became infactuated with." "It's not a whim. It's her." "This has to end. End all this madness!" "I can’t." "Are you going to let our master's death go unpunished? I don't recognize you. I don’t recognize you at all." "And what do you want? To lock her up for the rest of her life?"

And Qiren put a little smile and nodded. They couldn't have avoided that marriage, but they could have punished her in some way. The elders would be happy with that decision, even if it hurt to see his brother like that.

"You know this is the best." "If she is locked up, so am I. You will be my heir, Qiren. You will be in charge of guiding the sect into the future." "Xiongzhang, no. I don’t want that." “It’s what you have get with this decision. Congratulations.”

Qingheng-jun ended up locking Aiyan in the Jinghsi, declaring that he himself would enter voluntary seclusion for having married his master's killer.

The first days were horrible. Aiyan was unable to leave Jinghsi, a decision that he learned from Lan Qiren, and she also didn’t see Qinghe-jun, disappearing from her life as if nothing had happened. He had seen her freedom vanish, like everything she wanted to do, suddenly disappear.

However, after a week in which she almost went crazy, at night, she was visited by Qingheng-jun. Although not consciously, but Aiyan herself caught him leaving food in front of the door.

"What are you doing?" "Nothing I do will serve to ask your forgiveness." "That doesn't answer my question." "I can't let you starve." "Your elders would surely be delighted with it. Maybe you should listen to them and-" "Aiyan, no."

Thus began a series of night visits in which, at first, Aiyan, without opening the door, only listened to Qinghe-jun's apologies, questions about how she was and the desire that she will rest for the night. They did nothing else. Aiyang refused to speak to him, in fact, ignored him all the time. And Qingheng-jun would never do anything to annoy her, not after taking away the smile from her face, her happiness, her freedom.

Occasionally, along with the food, there was a book, some sheets of paper to draw, brushes and ink. Other times there were delicate flowers or delicate statues of porcelain that once had belonged to Qingheng-jun. Until one night, almost four months later, Aiyan thanked him and began to deign to answer his questions.

Aiyan was still hurt, but throwing away her friendship with Qingheng-jun, because of a decision made in a moment of anguish, would be a mistake. So she allowed Qingheng-jun to come in and have dinner with her.

They talked until late at night; Qingheng-jun even got to play the guqin for her or paint small landscapes that she asked for. Aiyan, for her part, declared her intention to learn to play xiao, something that had caught her attention since she was little, but that she had never been able to do.

Qingheng-jun gave him a precious xiao in light blue and white tones, so the instrument seems like it was made of ice.

"Liebing" "What?" "Liebing," she said showing him the xiao with a small smile. One of the first that began to appear on the woman's face.

Little by little, and although what happened continued weighing like a great rock, Aiyan gave him the opportunity to get to know her better. She opened up to him and shared secrets that she didn't think she would ever share with anyone again.

"Xiongzhang, the elders claim an heir." "No." "She is your wife." "So, is she my wife now? I thought she was a murderer." "Don't go there. They were planning your engagement to the youngest daughter of the Xing clan. This decision of yours has taken down their plans." "I'm not going to force her to bear my children." "She is your wife. It’s her only duty." "Qiren...” “You know is true and-”, “Qiren, stop it! I said no!"

But the conversation didn’t end there. Qiren had tried to make him reason, in a friendly way, but after his failure, it was the turn of the elders. And they began to harass him even in his voluntary secluded.

"Has something happened?" Aiyan asked one night. "The elders are harassing me." "With what?" "Not even worth repeating." The woman smiled. "Suanqu, we've known each other for years. What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything." "They want us to have a son. I have told them that that would never happen." "It’s normal." "Don't you dare to start too, please." "I’m your wife." "Not voluntarily." "You saved my life. It's only fair." "I don't want anything in return!" "I wouldn't mind giving birth your child."

And Aiyan looked at him so seriously, with the most sincere and sweet smile that he had seen on her only a few occasions since their marriage, that Qingheng-jun felt his heart skip a beat.

"Aiyan... You know how I feel about you, but I can't. I can't condemn you to that." "But..." "If, ever, our relationship grows enough for you to sincerely want to, I will be delighted. But not now. Not when I know you don't want it." "Suanqu..." "Good evening, Aiyan," he said, kissing her on her forehead and leaving the Jinghsi.

Having a child with Aiyan would be a dream come true, but doing it only because the elders ordered it, felt wrong. And they had their brother Qiren. It's not like their family was going to end it. They could take him as their heir. He was still young, he could find a pretty girl who would enchant him with all the children he wanted.

Qingheng-jun's deference to Aiyan's wishes softened her heart, making her more susceptible to the little details the man had with her. She realized that everything had a double meaning. Qingheng-jun was a good-natured man, attentive, caring, and although he expected nothing from her, deep down she knew that his feelings held out hope of being reciprocated.

One night after dinner, Qingheng-jun played the guqin for Aiyan. They were practically glued together, arms brushing, when Aiyan rested her head on Qingheng-jun's shoulder, closing her eyes and enjoying the music. Music that was soon out of tune with Qingheng-jun's nervousness.

"What happens?" "Eh... Nothing..." "Nothing?" "Mn..."

Aiyan looked at him, with an amused smile when he saw the blush on the man's ears, reaching up to touch them. That unexpected act made Qingheng-jun turn his head to look at her. Aiyan leaned down and kissed him at the corner of his mouth, leaving her face close enough in case Qingheng-jun decided to do something. But surprise was still present on his face and Aiyan ended up kissing him again, this time, joining their lips very gently.

"Suanqu ... kiss me." Qingheng-jun kissed her back for what seemed like years, with all the tenderness and love he had within. "It wasn't that terrible, was it?" Aiyan asked amused before he silenced her with another kiss.

After a while, and ignoring the demands of the elders, Aiyan and Qingheng-jun continued to advance their relationship together until Aiyan told him that she was pregnant.

"It is true?" "Yes," she said huddled next to him in bed. "We are going to have a baby. Are you happy?" "And you?" "You can't answer me with another question, Suanqu." "You first. Are you happy?" "Yes." "Me too." "Suanqu, promise me something." "Whatever you want." "That our children don’t suffer the same fate as us. Don’t let anyone decide in their lives." Qingheng-jun looked at her silently. Both knew that this promise couldn’t be fulfilled, since the elders came to have more power than the sect leader himself, but, despite everything, they preferred to continue living in their little bubble and hope that, despite everything, their child was free. "I promise you."

Nine months later, and after a laborious delivery in which Qingheng-jun had come out of retirement to accompany his wife despite the suspicious looks of the elders, the first of their children was born. "My little Huan." "Huan?" "Yes. To dispel the clouds, the doubts about your decisions."

***

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[todisturbtheuniverse]

FIC: Liminal Grief [1/3]

Rating: T Fandom: Stardew Valley Pairing: Shane/Female Farmer Tags: Pre-Relationship, Developing Friendship, Grief, Alcoholism, Depression Word Count: 10,613 (total) Summary: The new farmer has a level of equal-opportunity-friendliness that reminds Shane of an old friend, but when the mask comes off, it's more like looking in a mirror. Also on AO3. Notes: Very much based in the game, but littered with my own headcanons, both for this particular farmer and for Shane. Like other stories in this series, this could be considered standalone, but follows the same farmer (named Lydia) and the same Shane, and shares continuity with those other works.

It had taken a while—most of the spring, actually—but Lydia had finally fallen into a routine.

The routine involved sticking to the farm, mostly. It needed a lot of work—a lot of work she didn't know how to do. She spent her days trying to replicate the tips she'd unearthed in Granddad's old books, his journals on the seasons and crops, and her nights sleeping more soundly than she'd slept in her whole life.

It was hard work. Scary work. Every time she took hold of a weed, she prayed she wasn't about to pull up one of the precious crops she'd spent her dwindling money on. But she was getting through it.

And when she'd done all she could do for the day, there was always the distraction of town.

Thinking of Pelican Town's square that way—town, because the farm was technically in some kind of rural unincorporated area—always made her feel a little like some Austenian heroine, donning her gloves and coiffing her hair to visit civilization. In reality, the best she could muster was a shower before the long, dusty walk, but she'd always liked stories. Something she'd had in common with Granddad.

And this story was full of characters: the downtrodden but enduring mayor, the rebellious daughter of the local grocer, the hardworking big-city doctor, the gregarious saloon-owner…

As the days passed, and she made an effort to greet everyone with cheer, she got more and more back: brief small talk peppered into her days, friendly waves, smiles losing their wariness.

Well. From some people, at least. The runner-up town drunk sure hadn't taken to her friendliness so far.

Interactions with Shane followed, more or less, the same pattern as the first. She offered a pleasantry. He found a way to reject it.

When she crossed paths with him again at the bar on a Friday night: "Hey, Shane. How's it going?"

And in return: "Why are you bothering me." With his inflection, it sounded more like a complaint than a question. "I want to be alone."

On a Tuesday as she stood outside Pierre's, when Shane passed by on his way to JojaMart: "Nice day, isn't it?"

It would have been easy enough for him to agree and keep power-walking on by, but instead he said, "No, I don't have time to chat with you." Like she'd asked him to reflect in detail on the most recent Queen of Sauce episode.

But these were downright polite interactions compared to last week's, when she'd been fishing at the river south of the ranch, well after sundown. She'd spotted him walking home, weaving slightly on the beat-down dirt path, catching himself every few steps as if gravity was making its best effort against him.

"Hey," she called out, ignoring the tugging on her line, "are you okay?"

"What do you want from me?" he demanded, his whole body swinging around so that his red-rimmed eyes could glare at her. Once they'd managed to focus, anyway. "Money? I'd give you a pot of gold to leave me alone!"

"I could use a pot of gold, actually," she began, but he was already in motion again, stomping up the path to the ranch house and slamming the door behind him.

She certainly didn't need to keep putting herself out there. There were plenty of other people who were already nice enough to her, going on friendly, even: Gus and Emily, who were always excited when she brought in one of her crops for them to experiment with; Abigail, who came up with imaginative renovations for the farm Lydia now inhabited; Harvey, who was a bit distant but earnest.

But she'd seen the paths that Shane beat through Pelican Town. To JojaMart, hunched into his sweatshirt, scowling; to the saloon, no longer glowering but run down; to the ranch at the end of the night, a slow and meandering walk, like he already dreaded doing it all over again. She recognized the patterns. She hadn't been a shelf-stocker, but she knew a kindred soul. Another person caught on the conveyor belt of the corporate machine.

That was probably her dramatics again. Her character-profiling. Maybe Shane was just a grouch, happy to scare off anyone every opportunity he got. But on the off chance that that wasn't the case…

She wasn't going to stop saying hello just because he glared at her for it. Just in case.

On a Saturday night, as spring began to wilt beneath the pressure of summer, she donned her metaphorical white gloves and committed to a night at the saloon. She'd tried to keep working after sundown a few days this past week, but she still just didn't have the stamina for it; she felt like one of those limp weeds she kept tearing out of her land.

A drink was just what she needed. A drink, and maybe some food. Her stomach rumbled despite the meal she'd eaten at mid-afternoon; the smell inside the Stardrop was greasy, and cheesy, and tomato-y, and she drifted toward the counter, following the smell. Gus was busy chatting with Pam, but Emily noticed her right away and came over with a smile.

"Hey, Lydia!" she said. "You okay?"

Lydia blinked at the concern and picked up a nearby spoon to examine her own face. "I look that bad? I showered and everything."

Emily tipped her head to the side, narrowing her eyes slightly. "Not bad. Just tired. Your aura's a little pale."

"My aura is accurate, then." She dropped the spoon and leaned against the bar counter. "I think I'll just have a beer tonight. A fancy cocktail might knock me out."

"I won't tell Gus," Emily said in a conspiratorial tone, grabbing a glass. "We're making pizzas, if you're interested."

Pizza. The source of that divine smell. Lydia's stomach rumbled again. She'd had a favorite pizza place back in the city; it had been her last meal before she left for the valley. She wondered if the stuff Gus cooked up was any good, if he was hiding a wood fired brick oven somewhere out back.

"Hey, Shane," Emily said, just as cheerfully as she'd greeted Lydia, and Lydia realized that Shane was standing at the bar a few feet away from her. "The usual?"

"Yeah." He laid his money on the bar.

"Coming right up," Emily said, picking up a second glass.

She retreated to pour the beer, and Lydia glanced sidelong at Shane, gave a little wave. He looked even more wretched than usual, eyes hooded, five o'clock shadow thick.

She smiled like she didn't notice any of that. "Hey. Happy Friday."

He met her eyes and sighed. "Sure."

Well, it was monosyllabic, but it was an improvement. Emily returned with their beers. Shane picked his up, gave what might have been a nod in Lydia's direction, and wandered away to his usual table. During the walk, Lydia estimated that he'd already downed half the beer.

"I'm wearing him down," she said, impressed with her own prowess. 

"Well done," Emily said. Somehow, she kept the congratulatory tone of her voice from being condescending. "So, how about that pizza?"

Lydia tallied up her funds in her head. She could spare the money, probably. She shouldn't, though. If she wanted the farm to succeed, if she wanted to have plenty for the summer planting, if, if, if—

But the smell was just too overpowering. "Yeah, I think I'll have one," she said. "There a choice of toppings or anything?"

"Just the special, really. Green peppers and sausage and onions."

"Sounds perfect."

Some part of her told her to cancel the order. To take it back, keep the paltry pocket money where it belonged. She just couldn't seem to unstick her jaw to do it. She'd eaten a lot of fresh-caught fish and wild spring onions lately, and not much else; she was dying for a little variety.

She sipped her beer while she waited, people-watching. The kids swarmed in and occupied the arcade; she probably could have caught Abigail's eye and joined them, but their company seemed a little boisterous for her at the moment. They were only a few years younger than her, technically—not kids at all—but she felt out of step with their conversations. Too old, too worn out.

She snorted at her own melancholy. Give a girl a farm she didn't know how to run, and she'd turn into a mopey navel-gazer in no time.

"Fresh out of the oven," Emily said, sliding the platter of pizza across the bar. It was much, much too big for one person to consume, even a person as hungry as Lydia. "Enjoy!"

"Thanks," Lydia said, reverie broken, and surreptitiously scouted for somewhere to sit.

She'd been making inroads, definitely, but it was still an insular community. People tended to pair off, huddle up in their groups—treading the same boards they did every Saturday night. She wasn't sure where to stick a foot in the door, who wouldn't just crush it as they pulled it closed.

Her eyes landed on Shane's table. It didn't get more insular than that. Party of one. Two, maybe, if you counted the beer he was staring at. The look in his eyes suggested it might be his last.

Well, he'd been...amenable, sort of, earlier. There was an empty chair at his table. She had a bribe in the form of pizza. And if he was a jerk to her in front of the whole bar, someone else would definitely take her in. Squaring her shoulders, she made her way over.

Trying to treat this like any other night had been a mistake.

Most of the time, the Stardrop cut a sharp contrast to the bar back in the city. Rustic instead of divey, an old crowd rather than a young one, local beer instead of twenty-seven varieties on tap. And that suited Shane just fine. Remembering that bar meant remembering Patrick and Charlotte, and it was better not to remember. Better to immerse himself in scenery that couldn't get confused with memories.

Especially tonight.

Only problem was his brain, which had had it out for him for just about a year now. Isn't this the song that was playing when they told me they were getting married? it said, and, Look, that bottle Gus is keeping up on the top shelf looks like the whiskey me and Patrick split when Charlotte got pregnant, and, The new farmer girl sure reminds me of Patrick.

He wasn't drunk enough for that kind of thinking yet. Brain should've gotten the message by now. It needed to be damn near pickled before he'd go anywhere near those old memories.

And the farmer girl—yeah, maybe she had Patrick's wide-eyed friendliness, but he wasn't interested in discovering any other similarities between her and his dead best friend.

"Hey," a breezy voice said. "Can I sit here?"

Slowly, he lifted his head. Like his reluctance had summoned her, Lydia stood over his table, balancing a platter of pizza in one hand and holding her pint glass in the other.

He meant to say No. As rudely as possible. Maybe something snide along with it, like, Don't you have other people to annoy? Maybe better than that. A real zinger. Something that would send her scurrying for good. Apparently none of his other comebacks, reiterated at increasing volume whenever they crossed paths, hadn't been severe enough.

But a ghost possessed him instead, and he said, "Why?"

Like an idiot. Give this kind of person an inch, they'd take a mile. Hadn't he figured that out the first day they'd met? He knew exactly how this went.

He knew exactly how this ended.

"Empty seat." She pointed, as well as she could with her hands full. "Unless you're waiting for someone."

It was an innocent-enough assumption, but regardless, it felt like she'd stabbed him in the gut and twisted the knife. It sure felt like he was waiting. Waiting for Patrick and Charlotte to walk through that door, waiting until he knew how to parent his friends' orphaned daughter, waiting to wake up from this unfeeling nightmare…

He could lie. He could say he was waiting for someone. She couldn't have been paying enough attention to him to know the truth, and if she gave him the stink-eye later when it was clear his "company" wasn't coming, well, that didn't matter to him. Maybe it'd put an end to her niceties. Maybe it would be a good thing.

"I'll share the pizza," she offered.

He hadn't allowed himself to look at it too closely before, but now that she'd pointed it out, he could smell it. Bread, cheese, sauce...Gus had really stepped up his game recently. Nothing went better with a beer than pizza.

Well, pepper poppers, maybe, but nobody was making those around here.

"Sure," he said, before he could think better of it. Free food was worth a little inane chatter. "Whatever."

She beamed like he'd greeted her as an old friend, put her pizza down, and sat. "Thanks," she said. "I'm never going to get through this whole thing on my own."

Her timing was a little unbelievable. That she'd forgo rubbing elbows with the rest of the bar—something she did reliably—today, of all days. That she'd bring a pizza along with her. Almost like she had been the one possessed by a ghost—a ghost trying to reach him.

But that was even crazier than all the local superstition. And maybe a little part of him wanted to believe it, but the rest of him couldn't take comfort from something that wasn't true.

He picked up a slice of pizza, though. "I love this stuff," he admitted. "Thanks."

"Sure," she said. "You're doing me a favor, honestly. I don't have the energy to hang out with the kids tonight, and the oldies all want to talk about the farm." She pulled a face. "I work my ass off twelve hours a day at the place. Sometimes I'd rather not relive it all again at the end of the night."

"Hmm," he said. A nice, noncommittal syllable. He took a big bite of pizza—a good excuse not to elaborate.

"Still beats Joja," she sighed. "How is the old place, anyway? Still soul-sucking?"

He swallowed, surprised into responding. "You worked at Joja?"

"Not storefront. Desk jockey." Her nose crinkled up like she'd bitten into a particularly sour lemon. "Carpal tunnel instead of knee problems. I really suffered." He snorted, and she smiled. "Shit, I'm kind of glad to hear you didn't know. Feels like I've been the lone rider of the rumor mill for weeks. But somewhere out there, conversations are happening that are not about me."

"No," he said. "I just don't participate in conversations."

She rolled her eyes, but kept smiling. "Right. How could I forget?"

He felt sort of unsettled by her careless attitude, the same way he had when she'd shaken his hand at the bar.  Like his brusque commentary didn't put her off; like she could have a conversation with even an unwilling participant. The exact opposite of him, when it came right down to it. He couldn't tell if he was jealous or repulsed.

"They'll move on eventually," he said. Not a reassurance or commiseration, but a statement of fact.

She eyed him thoughtfully. "You'd know," she conceded. "You're new to the area, too, right?"

"Yep." He didn't elaborate. There was pizza to eat, beer to drink. Conversation to avoid.

Marnie and Jas were the only people in this town who knew exactly why he was here. He was not about to explain it to anyone else.

"You like it here?" she asked.

"Why, are you having second thoughts? Kind of late for that, isn't it?"

"No! No." She frowned, and he realized it was the first time he'd really seen her do so. "Just curious what other people from outside the valley think of it here. I want this to be long term, but…" She shrugged.

But farming isn't exactly easy or profitable? Probably a hell of a shock for someone who'd had an office job. All that sudden, manual labor. All those razor-thin profit margins. A day that didn't end promptly at 5.

"The people are busybodies," he said.

She chuckled. "I've noticed."

"This saloon is the sole source of entertainment."

"Hey, don't forget the museum. And library. Same building, but..."

"All the young people want to leave," he pushed on, ignoring her. "Or they're here on a whim, thinking the valley's gonna cure them of something."

He shot her a pointed look. She raised a single eyebrow, as if to acknowledge his point, but she didn't volunteer what that something might be for her. Fine by him.

"All the old people either feel like they're trapped here, or that it's their job to protect the place against modernization, or both."

"Ah," she said. "Explains that scene I witnessed at Pierre's the other day." She paused to take a deep drink of her beer. "So is there anything you like about the valley?"

"Not really," he said, automatic, even though it was a lie. But he wasn't about to tell her—he wasn't about to tell anyone—that he liked the way the air smelled after dusk, or that he liked the sounds the frogs made at the dock on the lake, or that he liked the way the chickens flocked to him all bright-eyed in the morning even when he was dreary-eyed himself.

There were very few things left in the world he liked, all fragile as bubbles blown by a child. If he drew attention to them, they, too, would vanish.

"I'll take it under advisement," she sighed. "I only spent summers here as a kid. It seemed magical, back then." She picked up another slice of pizza, considered it. "Still does, actually, I'm just...having a harder time believing it."

"It's not magic," he said flatly. "You just had a big imagination."

She laughed, as if she'd never learned how to take offense. "Come out to the farm sometime. There's some creature out in the woods that makes a noise like nothing I've heard anywhere else. We'll see who believes in magic then."

"Once you've seen the backroom of a JojaMart, you realize humans are incapable of magic," he muttered.

"Who said anything about humans?" she said with an exaggerated wink.

He huffed. Her absurdity was sort of funny, just the way Patrick's had been. Over-the-top, ridiculous; he would've loved that wizard guy in his tower west of the lake, or the crusty old adventurer up in the mountains with the eye patch…

But the similarities meant nothing. She wasn't Patrick. She wasn't being nudged along by his ghost. He couldn't, wouldn't, believe in that shit.

Even though she'd brought him pizza on his birthday. On the anniversary of the day they'd died.

"Well, you ever want a break from that backroom, come out to the farm," she said, serious now. "Get a look at what it's like to live free—and broke." She smiled, a little crookedly, and finished off her beer.

True to her scary sixth sense, Emily turned up right as Lydia put down her glass. "Can I get you anything else?" she asked, beaming between the two of them like she was the proud mother of a child who'd finally gotten a playdate.

He didn't exactly want to encourage that thinking, but...he didn't want to be indebted to anybody, either. Especially not somebody down to their last dollar, when he'd eaten half her pizza. He was an asshole, but he hadn't fallen quite that far.

"No thanks," Lydia began, but Shane cut across her, "One more round. Put it on my tab." He nodded at her glass. "Same thing, or you gonna make Gus mix up another one of those city-girl cocktails?"

For a moment, she looked downright surprised—startled by the offer, maybe, or finally stunned by his ability to insult people. But then she grinned, wide and sincere.

"Just the beer," she said.

"Coming right up," Emily said, and wandered away.

Lower, heartfelt, Lydia said, "thanks."

He shrugged. "Seemed like you might need it. Drown your sorrows, and all that. You want a reliable source of magic, it's at the bottom of a glass."

"Never heard that one before."

"Trust me." He knocked back the rest of his own beer. "Secret backroom wisdom."

She didn't look at him reprovingly, the way Marnie always did when he made one of these jokes; she just nodded, sagely, like she believed him completely.

He doubted it, but...it was kind of nice, feeling like someone wanted to listen to him, for once. Feeling like somebody heard him.

Things could go back to normal tomorrow.

Go to Part 2 ->

[darkpoisonouslove]

“Mother Is a Title You Deserve”

Summary: It's Mother's Day and Alice is faced with the reality that while Gothel has never been her mother, she did pass on to her that same title. She's Mother Nature now and she wants to keep her promise and do better than the woman who couldn't raise a child not to mention take care of nature itself. And she needs the support of the one parent she did have and that's always been there.

I haven't written these particular characters in four months (and those were headcanons so if we're talking actual fics, then six) so I would really appreciate it if you let me know how I did.

Alice grabbed the two cups and, after smiling at Granny who returned it, headed outside where her papa was waiting for her. She liked to be out in the open, in nature, where she could hear the voices of all life forms around and feel their company, and none of her close people blamed her or protested when she dragged them outside. Well, maybe just a little when it was really cold or it rained since Robin had grown up with the crackling sound of fire sealed into her mind and the warmth of it all around her. So on those days Alice relented–especially since her papa and Ella and Henry indulged her a lot as they were always ready for adventures–and opted for cuddling with her fiance while they listened to the rain hitting their windows or the wind howling outside.

Alice beamed at the thought of Robin and even the fact that they weren’t together currently couldn’t overshadow the happiness of having Robin in her life. They had all the time to make each other happy so she’d backed away and left Robin and Zelena have their alone time and do some mother/daughter bonding for Mother’s Day. The last part had the smile slipping for a moment but the sight of her papa caught it and brought it back where it belonged.

“Here you go, a steaming cup of hot cocoa,” Alice grinned even wider as she left it on the table in front of him.

“In cocoa mood today, are we?” he asked as he took the cup and looked at it as if he could see through the plastic and look at what was inside.

“Mhm,” Alice nodded enthusiastically. “Sweet like our time together.” It was always a good day when she could be with her papa and while she loved tea, she preferred to drink it in tea cups. She especially insisted after she’d given the chipped tea cup to Gideon and he’d left it at the joined grave of his parents. She did love the mobility of the plastic cups but some things were best enjoyed a certain way and she could do with some hot cocoa, too. It was Robin’s favorite and she and Henry had managed to make her a big fan, too, though she drank it clear instead of with marshmallows or cinnamon like they did respectively,

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be elsewhere?” her papa asked, his gaze moving on her and he raised his eyebrows slightly, his eyes as if full of hope that she’d change her mind and leave.

“I’m at the right place,” Alice said firmly as she sat down next to him and placed a hand on his arm.

Robin and Zelena had both invited her to join them and while she could agree it would be appropriate as Zelena was her mother too now, not officially yet, but they’d get there, she’d still refused. She wanted to give them the chance to be alone with each other just like she wanted to give it to herself and her papa. He was the one parent she had and he’d always meant everything to her, so she didn’t mind celebrating both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in his honor since he’d filled both roles.

“We agreed to have dinner together,” she said to further prove she wasn’t missing the opportunity to spend some more time with her new family. There was a time and place for everything and right now she was exactly where she needed to be.

“Al,” her papa started, but there was no way for him to continue the sentence without bringing up things that they both wished to forget so he had nothing to say.

“I think about her,” Alice said because it was true and she wanted to get it out and share her thoughts, and it was best to do that with her papa since they’d been together in that nightmare. He would understand since he’d been the one to find beauty and meaning in what Gothel had done to him and focus on what he’d gotten instead of on what she’d taken from him.

“Al,” he started again, his tone somewhat warning and pleading at the same time, reassuring, yet scared, and she would’ve dropped the topic but that was just a proof that they couldn’t do that. Gothel had done so much to them, caused them so much pain, that they couldn’t just pretend it hadn’t happened. And if they did, it would mean erasing their relationship and each other from their lives, too. She was a part of their lives whether they liked it or not and it had been her papa who had shown her how to move on after everything Gothel had done to her. She had the chance to return the favor now and she wanted to.

“I think about what she told me,” Alice said, returning back to the events in Hyperion Heights. Gothel had introduced her papa back into her life. She’d introduced the possibility of her having a mother, too, and while she knew it had been selfish and not really genuine even if the woman had thought so, had thought she’d been offering her the chance to have a mother that she’d always wanted, it had made her think. “She couldn’t be a mother. Not to me, and not to nature. Not with all that hatred she’d let touch her,” Alice said, remembering how nature had taken her side, helping her defeat Gothel and save the world from her. “But she wanted to.” The way she’d talked about the grove... it had meant a lot to her. Too bad she’d let herself get destroyed along with it. Alice would’ve loved to have seen the grove, and the other nymphs. But instead she hadn’t even had a mother. “I promised I’d do better.” She wanted to. She could see Gothel’s point of view but destroying humanity hadn’t been the way to go about it.

“You already are doing better, starfish,” her papa said quickly, the look in his eyes so focused on her as if he didn’t even want to compare her to Gothel for a moment.

She understood the unwillingness. But she couldn’t agree with it. Comparing gave her a way to do better. Gothel had left her a legacy of what not to do. She couldn’t have given her more with how consumed in hatred she’d been even if she’d wanted to. And Alice knew she’d wanted to but for the wrong reasons. Yet, now that she was gone, she could do it right, for the right reasons.

“I know, papa,” she said, letting go of her cup of cocoa to catch his hand and reassure him he didn’t have to worry about her. She hadn’t forgotten who she was. But she’d learned knew information about herself that she didn’t want to ignore. “But I want to do more. That’s why I want to talk to Robin as I’m hoping she’ll agree to come back to Seattle with me. I want to take a better look at the grove, unlock it, see if I can save it and restore it as it once had been.” She had powerful magic. She was Mother Nature now, and the title still struck her with the responsibility it was. But she knew she could do it, with help from her family and the love they shared. It was what Gothel hadn’t had and she hadn’t managed to take it away from them either so, naturally, she’d failed. “Maybe the love we’ll give it will help make up for the hate she spread in the world and finally give her the peace she never had.” They all knew she didn’t deserve it. But she also hadn’t deserved to have her life destroyed and her kind hunted down, and yet, it had happened. And she’d let it turn her into a monster but it had been love that had stopped her. So Alice thought it wasn’t a bad idea to treat with kindness what she’d been fighting for now that she wasn’t a threat anymore. “And I want your support because you’re the one who taught me how to love and you’ve always loved me. It was what saved me from becoming like her,” Alice said, feeling tears coming to her eyes at the mere thought.

Her papa seemed like he wanted to argue but instead gave her a smile, a little tight-lipped and not completely free of resistance form him, but he nodded. “Of course you have my support, starfish. You always have and you always will,” he said, anything else falling away to leave him with the seriousness that had never been there when they’d just been messing around and instead came out when he was dead set on doing something. And she knew that determination well, for she’d inherited it.

“Thank you, papa,” Alice said as she smiled at him, the tears only getting thicker in her eyes. Because it meant a lot to her to know she had his support even when the topic wasn’t easy for either one of them and he wished they could avoid it. He’d always put her first. He was the parent she’d deserved and he’d done a spectacular job at raising her so she wanted to take all the opportunities to celebrate the bond they had. It meant far more than the negativity that had been pushed on them.

I'm not excusing what Gothel did (I think that came through in the text but I'll mention it again). I just feel like that kind of empathy makes sense for Alice while she also doesn't accept being walked all over and does not excuse what has been done to her.

[cowardsanctuary]

suitcase or balloon music headcannons?

let’s do BOTH!!! i’ve placed the headcanons under a read more because i don’t like posting anything that’s too long ^^;

Suitcase:

she’s too nervous to pick up an instrument, but as a kid she’s had dreams of becoming a famous singer, among other things.

suitcase’s voice is very mellow and actually quite pleasant, but she doesn’t like to sing for the exact opposite reason nickel does: of course being, she doesn’t think she sounds that good and she doesn’t want to annoy people with it. she’s not on nickel’s level, but she’s REALLY GOOD and suitcase DESERVES ENCOURAGEMENT!!!!

she expressed a desire to play a string instrument to balloon in the past and paintbrush overheard and? they’ve been trying to drop hints to her for the,,, longest time,,,,,, meanwhile, balloon’s been gently encouraging her!

balloon’s trying to convince paintbrush (and to a lesser extent cheesy) to be more upfront about helping her learn a string instrument. i say “to a lesser extent cheesy” because balloon can’t stand cheesy either so he kind of gives up asking half of the time

cheesy really wants to help :( i won’t stop mentioning him please share my cheesy headcanon

i change my mind about paintbrush listening to Mitski, because honestly suitcase would listen to Mitski a lot. or just,,, any artist that has a mellow, forlorn undertone to their music! she likes soft & sad songs as well as love songs and pop songs, and while she can appreciate a good banger every once in awhile, anything that’s too noisy (i.e. rock stuff) would make her agitated. however, she loves songs w/a steady beat most of all.

here’s some songs that i think would be right up her alley! also low-key projecting because i love Sara Bareilles and Mitski very very much:> Why Didn’t You Stop Me and First Love / Late Spring by Mitski> Beautiful Girl by Sara Bareilles> she’d also love halsey’s voice but she’d be very flustered listening to her (coughs suitcase is WLW)> balloon probably indirectly gets her into ariana grande tbh> anywho if it sounds like a lovesick lesbian listens to it then it’s on suitcase’s playlist

Balloon:

this isn’t canon but, canonically balloon can and has reached higher notes than marshmallow in the past. he is the ultimate soprano. his singing voice is way too screechy to be enjoyed by most, but he tries his best. in the past he kinda evaded singing because he knows his voice is shitty and he thought it was kinda stupid, but he’s… always had a lot of fun singing!

more recently, he’s been trying to get out of his shell and prompt suitcase to do so as well, so he’s been inviting her to karaoke nights. he belts out the dumbest songs and he looks stupid while doing so but the smile on his face is big and genuine

due to previous incidents (with an s), balloon is no longer allowed to sing with glass objects in the same room in Hotel OJ. he has also been banned from singing in 3 separate karaoke bars because of similar reasons.

nickel encourages this behavior, and whenever the two of them are out at a karaoke bar and piss drunk he bets balloon $20 bucks he can’t shatter x amount of glasses. balloon, of course, wins every time

he plays the triangle

BALLOON PLAYS THE TRIANGLE AND THIS IS C

his taste in music, for the most part, is extremely trashy. mainstream pop, rap, etc, are all present in his playlists and he loves each and every one. he’d do literally anything for nikki minaj and ariana grande and lady gaga. he also listens to taylor swift and miley cyrus and ke$ha and he literally cries whenever they write a power ballad. if anything is popular, balloon, like a foolish fly, gravitates towards it. but he genuinely likes the songs, and he won’t stop blasting Hot and Cold and TGIF and oj is lowkey considering hating him again

bomb and balloon have the exact same musical tastes. bomb gave balloon the silent treatment when he came to the hotel legit until balloon recited Bang Bang perfectly during a particularly drunk karaoke night and they slowly just. reconciled over pop songs. it’s beautiful

supplementary hc where pickle, cheesy, tissues, bomb, and balloon like to spend some friday nights at karaoke bars doing dumbshit. paper and nickel join occasionally (independent of each other, but some nights they both join). paper keeps asking OJ to join but he’s refused every time. balloon keeps promising OJ to go mute just so he can enjoy himself, but OJ assures him it’s not balloon. (OJ doesn’t join because he feels guilty about neglecting the hotel,,,)> sometimes cherries or soap join, but neither of them like alcohol so whenever they join everyone insists it’s family night. the boys insist not to cuss as an inside joke, but cherries always drops f-bombs at the most opportune times and everyone loses their SHIT. soap doesn’t like to cuss, but once she just yelled fuck in the middle of a song everyone went absolutely hogwild> yin-yang has been banned from the same exact bars balloon’s not allowed to sing in because yang thought it was socially acceptable to smash glasses there. but every once in awhile they join, but it’s always with cherries now (mostly because yin is anxious about smashing glasses again)> once, the Boys™ ran into paintbrush and fan at the same karaoke place. paintbrush walked onto the stage, looked at the Boys™ straight in the eye, and screamed a metal song. right after fan walked up and they both sang the theme song to evangelion (in the original japanese). everyone was losing it except balloon, who was kinda confused> trophy loves karaoke night because it means he can take nice pictures of the hotel more often without being disturbed. sure there are still people there, but Less

[meangirlsx]

Ship for @theatricalwriter 

Request: Can I get a for Mean Girls and DEH ship? I'm bi- I don't necessarily have much of a preference- and I'm a Ravenclaw. I'm an avid reader, so much to the point where I buy more books than I'm able to read. I'm also a big writer and I'm hoping to go into a career of musical theatre after college. (I also do a lot of performing in and out of school) I'm always watching something on Netflix like a CW show or Criminal Minds. I dislike divas in the theatre department and math, I really hate math. I also don't like ignorant people?? Or those who just refuse to hear what's true and ignore it. That's a huge no for me. But when I look for a partner, I look for someone who's willing to listen to all of my stupid rants and sit down and watch a movie with me. I want someone who looks past my physical flaws and let's me be me in all my Broadway-loving glory. Also someone who supports me in what I love doing- writing, singing, etc. In a crush, it's pretty much the same thing but I guess someone who I see good in and gives off a good vibe. My mom and my closest friends- also in the drama department- are incredibly important to me so they'd have to at least attempt to get along, if that makes sense. I really relate to Jo March from Little Women, Leah Burke from the Simon series- the bi and plus size queen- and Elphaba from Wicked with a bit of April O'Neil from TMNT. Also, didn't mention this, but I love it when people give me nicknames and I love cats. Thank you sm, ily 💖

(This is longer than I intended it to be oops. I kind of stalked your blog a bit to help with some thoughts because I love you and I wanted it to be really good and a lot of thoughts came)

Mean Girls

I ship you with Gretchen Wieners!

How you met:

You always knew who Gretchen was

It would be hard not to

You didn’t know it, but she always knew who you were, too

She thought you were cute but never knew how to strike up a conversation with you without making a fool of herself

You had just gotten out of rehearsal where one of your fellow cast members had been a diva and you were frustrated

You headed to your favorite bookstore to help you calm down

You were very surprised to find Gretchen in your go-to section

She smiled immediately when she saw you

Her smile faded when she saw that you looked distraught

All her anxiety about talking to you went out the window, because now she was worried about you and that took precedence

“Erin, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

You explained that you were dealing with a drama queen, but you brushed it off, saying you were fine

"I have a decent amount of experience with that. Do you want to go get coffee or something? Maybe I can help.”

So you went down the street to a coffee shop with her

You explained everything to her, and she listened patiently and attentively

When you were done, she gave you support and good advice

You could tell dealing with Regina had taught Gretchen a lot about dealing with people with compassion and empathy but also with strength

You admitted that you didn’t peg her for being into books

She explained that Regina had never wanted her to be known as a bookworm, but now that her reign was over, Gretchen was free to love books to her heart’s content

You learned that you had the same favorite types of books, so you ended up spending time at the bookstore together pretty regularly

This also came to include shopping trips

How you got together:

After a few weeks of spending more and more time together, Gretchen found herself liking you more than she thought could be possible in a short amount of time

Every time you talked, she was surprised by how similar you were and how much you could understand each other on a level most people didn’t seem to

So one day she decided to express that to you

She didn’t plan to ask you out

She was too afraid that you would say no

But she wanted you to know how much she appreciated you and how deep of a connection she felt to you

It turned into babbling and before she could stop herself, the words “and I just really like you” had fallen from her mouth

She looked embarrassed and terrified

You gave her a smile instantly to calm her nerves and told her you felt the same

That launched her into another mini tangent about how much she liked you now that she felt open to tell you

Headcanons:

You and Gretchen are always patient and understanding with each other

You get where each other are coming from, you can understand each other’s anxiety and insecurity, and you know you always have good intentions

Your relationship is healing and very healthy

You know just what to say and do to make each other feel better and loved and appreciated and validated

You can rant to each other about anything and know that the other is genuinely listening and caring without any judgement whatsoever

Your relationship has no judgement at all

One of her favorite things about you is your collection of books that’s more than anyone can read, because she has the exact same kind of collection

She loves to go book shopping and clothes shopping with you

You love watching TV shows and movies together but you also love just reading together

She loves to be involved in anything you do, theatre, writing, singing, anything

She loves to come to your shows and cheer loudly, or praise your writing skills, or fawn over your voice

And she loves that joining you in your activities introduces her to your family and friends

She absolutely adores your mom

And she feels like your group of friends was the friend group she was destined to be a part of

She doesn’t have everything in common with them, but that doesn’t take away from the friendship at all

She thinks the most amazing thing is when your passion shows in your eyes and she feels so lucky to be able to witness it and be someone you’re passionate about

DEH

I ship you with Alana Beck!

How you met:

She overheard you in the hallway talking to a friend about an issue you were passionate about

She didn’t want to be rude or intrusive, but she felt passionate about the issue, too, and was excited at the thought of having a discussion with you about it

So she came over and introduced herself, then explained her agreement

The bell to head to class cut you off pretty early, but neither of you wanted to stop talking, so you agreed to meet up again at lunch

At lunch, you learned that you shared the same opinions on a lot of things

You also shared a lot of likes

You even had the same favorite TV shows

You started hanging out to do homework together, watch TV, and sometimes discuss issues in the world that upset you

When you revealed your Broadway nerd side to her, she came to the conclusion that she was doomed

She found it absolutely adorable and also amazing how much you knew about different Broadway-related things and how much you loved it all

How you got together:

During a Friday night CW and Criminal Minds marathon, you glanced over at her and noticed that she seemed nervous and like she wasn’t quite paying attention to the episode

So you paused it to ask her if something was bothering her

She insisted that she was fine

You assured her that you wanted to help if something was going on, but you wouldn’t push if she didn’t want to talk about it

She took a deep breath

“It’s just that we’ve always been really honest and ourselves with each other. And I love that. But I haven’t been completely honest with you and I told myself I would be totally honest with you today and...”

She trailed off, so you took the opportunity to tell her that she didn’t need to tell you everything if she didn’t want to, but you would be there for her no matter what it was

“Well, if that changes after I say this, I’ll completely understand. You don’t have to stay friends with me if it makes you uncomfortable.” She paused for another moment before saying “I’ve had a crush on you since we met.”

You felt relief wash over you knowing that it wasn’t actually anything to be worried about

You told her you did, too

After asking each other a few questions to curb your curiosity about liking each other and not realizing it, you returned to your marathon, sitting much closer than you were before

Headcanons:

She loves coming up with nicknames for you, and you do the same for her

She loves talking about the future with you

She loves hearing how excited you are about your plan and dreams

She likes to imagine your future together

The conversations of your potential future together always involve at least one cat

She is 3000% convinced that you will achieve your dream and become an absolutely spectacular actress and writer

She insists you’re already there and just don’t have the fanbase or professional credits to confirm it

But she’s more than happy to be your biggest fan and support you alongside your friends and family

She bonded with your friends simply over their shared love of you, but they quickly learned that they had a lot in common and now get along as if they’ve been best friends forever

She thinks it’s fantastic that you’re so close to your mom and always does what she can to impress her while still being herself and trying not to go overboard

But she doesn't really need to try

She’s a parent’s dream significant other for their child

Kind, caring, bright, driven, generous, friendly, empathetic, considerate

And she loves you

More than anything

[rainbowitup]

Long Live

It’s a typical Friday afternoon, and I’m in the car on the way to pick up McDonald’s for lunch. There’s construction on the overpass, which means traffic is backed up and barely moving at all. But all of that is okay because today when I got in the car, I chose to listen to Taylor Swift’s Speak Now album. Couldn’t even tell you why, other than it just struck me like it was a good idea.

So I listen to Better Than Revenge, then Dear John, and then Long Live comes on. And I’ve always had this strange connection with this song - something about the melody or the instruments or something has always kind of pulled at me. 

And today, it brought me to tears. And it’s funny, because really, Long Live is about Taylor and her band, and how after years of being made fun of and laughed at by other musicians and critics, they finally made it. And I mean, I’m happy in life - with my friendships, with my marriage, my children, my home, my hobbies, and my job - but I haven’t made it. I’m not famous. This song shouldn’t resonate with me so deeply. I really don’t relate to the story she’s telling. Except I kinda do. Let me tell you why.

I said, “Remember this moment,” in the back of my mind. The time we stood with our shaking hands...

I was in Chicago and at my first ever Supernatural convention. I was in a line up in the hallway standing with hundreds of other Misha Collins fans, but I was alone because I didn’t know a single one of them. Turns out that didn’t matter. When I finally got into the room could see that I was actually standing in the same room as Misha Collins I couldn’t contain my excitement, and after literally flailing, the girl in front of me joined in and we became fast friends.

My hands were shaking. My heart was beating so erratically I felt like my chest was vibrating. I couldn’t feel my legs, and I was sweating profusely. It was the most excited/nervous/petrified I have ever been in my entire life, and I’ll remember that moment for as long as I live.

I said, “Remember this feeling.” I passed the pictures around...

In Toronto, at my second Supernatural convention, I was sitting alone and knew from prior experience it would be so much more fun if I made friends with the people I was sitting with. I’d be sitting with them all weekend, after all! So I did. I remember it started when somebody on stage made a mean (but harmless) joke about Misha, and I booed - loudly. The girls next to me nodded in agreement, and that was it, we were friends. After every op, we’d grab our pictures and then run back to our seats to share them with each other. We’d point out what we liked and what we didn’t. We’d go over every word, every look, every second of what it felt like to be close to our favorite people and we knew that we understood each other’s excitement and passion. We had found our people.

And it’s the same online after every convention. I sit and stare at pictures of my friends with their favorite people for way longer than I should. I listen enthusiastically and yell in all caps when they tell me about THE LOOK Misha gave them right before the picture was taken, or when Rob said, “Nice to see you again,” or what it felt like to have Jared’s giant body wrapped around them.

We pass the pictures around enthusiastically in this fandom.

I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face!"

It was one of my first ever photo ops, and it happened with Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster. I wasn’t even huge fans of them at the time (BUT I AM NOW) but man, I was still excited. The best part for me during this op wasn’t meeting the famous people, though. It was sharing this op with my online-turned-real-life best friend, Michelle. We live in different countries, but I flew to Chicago and we roomed together. And Michelle was a huge fan of Kim and Bri. We had our photo op, which was one big squishy hug for the four of us, and while I thought it was fun and screamed at Kim and Bri how pretty they both were, Michelle was star struck. I can still see her face as clear as day in my mind today, a year later. She had tears in her eyes, and she was doing her damnedest not to cry, but the joy and awe she felt were broad casted all over her face. I loved her then and I love her now, and this is what I thought of when I heard that line today. “Long live the look on your face.” If I could create a world where she was that happy every single day, I would do it in a heartbeat.

This is what really got the tears flowing though: Can you take a moment? Promise me this: that you’ll stand by me forever. But if God forbid, fate should step in and force us into a goodbye... If you have children some day, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name. Tell them how the crows went wild. Tell them how I hope they shine.

I have made friendships through Supernatural that I know will last a lifetime, but I’ve also made friendships that are strong and fulfilling in this moment that I know will not last forever. Because some of them are based solely on the fact that we are enamoured by the same show and the same people who are in the show - and that’s okay. Not every friendship is going to last forever. But that doesn’t make it any less meaningful.

So when I think about eventually losing touch with some of the people I spend so much time talking to now, this is what I think about. Please tell them my name. Tell them how I hope they shine. Because, God, even if I never talk to you again, you have no idea how deeply I want good, beautiful, long and shiny lives for you and your children. For the people you love dearest.

I hope one day when you’re old and grey, you find these dusty photo ops that we paid an obscene amount of money for, and you show your kids. I hope you tell them how awesome it was to squeeze our favorite people, and I hope you still smile about it thirty years from now. But more than that, I hope you point me out. I hope you show them who I am, and that you have a funny story to tell them about a time I made you laugh, or maybe a story about when you had a really bad day and I popped online at the right time and was able to make you smile instead. I hope you tell them about my kids, and funny things they said, and I hope you know that no matter how many years it’s been since we’ve talked that I will stand by you forever.

And I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made!"

Listen, a lot of you create. You create art, and stories, and music, and poems. Your minds are unbelievable, and I spend a large chunk of my time sitting here wondering how I’ve become friends with some of the brightest, sharpest minds I’ve ever known. You help make the things I create better. You put feelings into words, give love to characters who need it, make fantasies become reality, and you support one another every single day whenever we do it. We share, and comment, and recommend what we love to other people who might love it, too. We might not love these characters or ship these two people together forever, but fuck if I don’t think of you guys when I hear: long live the magic we made. Because we have made magic, and we made it together.

And lastly: I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

We’re not going to be this passionate about this TV show forever. We’re not going to rewatch the same 400 episodes (TULPA) enough to re-watch them and analyze them and GIF them and make up headcanons about the things that are never explained properly for the rest of our lives. We might love it forever, but it won’t always be exactly like this. There won’t always be conventions. There won’t always be opportunities to hop on a plane to go watch our favorite band play together. There won’t always be another new fan fiction story to read and discuss.

But for the record, for however long this phase of my life lasts, goddamn did I have the time of my life with you guys. You helped me discover who I am. What makes my blood start pumping. You helped me learn things about myself I never would have learned if it wasn’t for a TV show. You made me love who I am, exactly the way that I am. You showed me that friendship between two people can be deep and fulfilling even when we’re not in the same country. You have made me laugh more in the last two years than I’ve laughed in the last twenty, and I’m not exaggerating.

You have yelled for me when a picture of my favorite person literally made me breathless. You have watched me cry when I didn’t get the experience I hoped for during an autograph session. You have spent days being my tour guide in New York City. You’ve invited me into your home. You’ve spent hours creating art for stories I’ve written just because you wanted to. You’ve sent me songs that made you think about my characters - and you were so spot on I cried. You’ve sent me birthday cards and gift baskets and even wrote me porn. You held my hand virtually when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer and all throughout the years she was fighting it. You pretended to care when I vented about shit you had no idea what I was even talking about. You’ve had my back and fought my battles when I wasn’t strong enough to do it myself. You pushed me into doing something I was afraid to do, and the payback was enormous. Your wit, your GIFs, your minds, and your commentary have brightened my life exponentially in ways I will never be able to express.

In a nutshell: I’ve had the time of my life with you.

Long live, you guys. Long live all of this and all of you.

[niconiipls]

Delinquent!AU Headcanon Pt 2.

[Link to Pt 1]

It’s pretty lengthy so I put the rest of the members under the cut!

Delinquents

Nico

Unspoken leader of the delinquents though she doesn’t think of herself as one; the delinquents followed her on their own accord

Doesn’t come to school often

Dislike maki for picking on her; What does she even mean that her grades “can’t be rounded up to a pass”? she’s only 4 marks away! that damn Nishikino

Initially hated Maki for making her sit in the front row, but now she’s secretly happy about that (After all, what’s there to hate if it makes it easier for her to annoy Maki?)

Because of her constant back and forth bickering with Maki, students got to see more (adorable) sides to their teacher. As a result, Maki became increasingly popular among the students which made Nico somewhat irritated

Tried to get Maki to call her “Nico” but nope, not happening Yazawa-san

When it comes to fights, she’s known for her stealth. Not only is she quick in dodging attacks, she’s also great at seizing the perfect moment to strike her opponent

Got badly injured once while trying to shield Rin from a sneak attack

Her family struggles financially. Nico’s mother who is the sole breadwinner is often not home because she has to take on many odd-jobs

Was bullied when she was younger but she endured them all. However, when she found out that her brother became a victim of bully too, something in her snapped. She started fighting back, realizing that she needs to be stronger in order to protect the people that matter to her

Rin

Youngest among the delinquents

She’s fast but usually acts before she thinks, landing her into trouble frequently

Skips class whenever there is a ramen promotion (except for home economics class which she has full attendance for because of food and hanayo sensei)

Loves hanayo sensei because she is kind to her (many teachers insist Rin drop the ‘nya’ in her speech with the exception of a few teachers, including hanayo who finds it adorable)

Owns a motorcycle (because according to her, “it’s SUUUPER COOL NYA~!”). Both Honoka and her would take turns to try out dangerous stunts which drives Umi mad if she catches them

Uses bat as her main weapon though she is skilled in hand-to-hand combat too

Always brings her bat along when dining at her favourite ramen place ever since the time where Nico and her were ambushed right after their meal

Subconsciously drops the “nya” in her speech when she’s serious

Honoka

Cheerful and energetic

She’s very strong, almost no one is of her match when it comes to raw strength. Besides strength, she also has monstrous stamina. Her opponents usually realized this too late as they end up slumped on the floor, heaving in defeat

Holds the title “Queen of Arm Wrestling” after her numerous, unbeaten record. Before she earned that title, she used to go around making bets with people that she could beat them in under 3 seconds. Everyone that took up her challenge suffered from a rather “crushing” defeat. From this, she has won a considerably large sum of money which she spent all on food. Now, no one dares to take up her challenge

Shares an unlikely friendship with Umi. Was impressed by Umi when she saw her singlehandedly taking down a bunch of thugs and has been following her around ever since

Nozomi

Love to tease Nico and Maki

Does an almost flawless job in “cleaning up” any traces of their delinquent activities

Knew that Eli was tracking her down and decided to “play along” with her by setting up misleading “evidence”. Soon, it just became a battle of wits between them

Extremely protective when it comes to her friends (especially Nico); also, often shows her affection through her bear hugs which Nico DEFINITELY doesn’t appreciate

Became friends with Nico because she was the first person who was upfront with her

Had some form of training in aikido so she knows how to defend herself really well

Student Council Members

Umi

Others think of her as a role model student 

Is part of the student council

Not a delinquent though she is extremely skilled at different forms of fighting because her family owns a dojo 

However, she dislikes fighting. The only time she does so is for self-defense

Holds the "Sonoda" title. The Sonoda family is considered to be influential and powerful among the Yakuzas. Although it is a name that is typically unheard of among commoners, Umi is extremely guarded and tries to keep her identity hidden. However, this can prove to be quite difficult as she has no lack of challengers that would jump at the opportunity to take her down

Shares an unlikely friendship with Honoka after Honaka saw her taking down a few thugs. Despite trying to escape from being seen, Honoka caught up with her and fawned over how cool she was. After multiple failed attempts to shake Honoka off, she gave up but made her promised to not tell anyone what she saw in exchange for letting her follow her around

Honoka tried to make Umi join the delinquents but she refuses

Doesn't feel that her strengths are meant to be utilized in unnecessary fights, though Honoka thinks that it's a waste of her skills

Also, Minami sensei is so pretty and elegant… wait, what? s..shhameless!!

Eli

Student council president

Clears up trouble caused by the delinquents

Though initially, all that’s on her mind is to get the delinquents expelled so that they don’t tarnish the school’s name

Tried to obtain evidence of the delinquents’ activities but never succeed in doing so (Nozomi is always one step ahead of her)

Suspected that Nozomi has something to do with everything and tailed her on one of the days where she was rushing off to somewhere after a call

Without being noticed by Nozomi, they reached a site where there was a fight that involved Nico and Rin against a group of students

Eli jumped at the chance to record a video of the fight, ready to submit to the higher-ups as evidence and get rid of them once and for all

But when she saw Nico taking a critical blow from a metal bat, she hesitated. Nico didn’t get back up from the floor like she did before

Before Eli even realized it herself, she was already running towards them. Everyone fled upon seeing her (except for Nozomi and a worn-out Rin who were busy attending to an unconscious and bleeding Nico)

Helped to call the ambulance. At that point of time, Eli thought she heard Nozomi whispered to her a “thank you”

Deleted the video footage of the fight afterwards

Teachers

Kotori

Teaches English

No one has ever seen her angry but everyone somehow got the feeling that they wouldn’t ever want to

Love to tease Umi subtly just to see the usually stoic and serious student council member turn into a blushing, stuttering mess

Occasionally, complimenting Umi for answering the question correctly is enough to do the trick. The one method that never fails though, is to simply smile at the poor girl whose soul probably leaves her body and ascends to heaven every single time

Hanayo

Teaches home economics

Doesn’t mind if her students call her hanayo sensei

Gets the “most caring teacher award” every year because she’s so loved by her students

Can’t bear to scold Rin even though she always messes up in her class (especially when Rin deploys her “round kitten eyes” look)

Together with Kotori, they will always listen to Maki complain about the 1001 things Nico did to irritate her

Maki

Young and new teacher-in-training

Already has a degree in medicine so she teaches science, but chooses to teach music as well

Increasing popularity among students (she has absolutely no idea as to how it happened)

Does a background check on all her students. Because of this, she found out about the tight financial situation Nico’s family is in

Can’t help but worry whenever Nico comes to class with serious cuts and bruises, and even more so when she doesn’t see Nico in class

Tries to contact Nico’s family through her home number to enquire her whereabouts but no one ever answers the line; Nico wouldn’t tell her anything either

@oumiyuki​ Thank you so much for giving me suggestions on ways to organise this better! Also, writing this took me much longer than I expected so I’m really sorry about that!! I had been really busy since school started, but mainly I’m just stuck with a massive writer’s block. I’m glad I managed to write it out though! I hope you’re still around to see this ^^;

[sincerlyyme-blog]

Group Therapy (CONNOR MURPHY x READER)

AUTHORS NOTE: hello!!!!! i am back!!!!!!! i wrote this little thing, in hopes of making it a multiple part series. so this is just part one! but if you guys dont like it, let me know and ill just leave it as it is. I also want to take a moment to say that i am back to UPLOADING A FIC OR HEADCANON ONCE A DAY!! when i first started this blog, that was my uploading schedule. life got in the way, but im back baby!!!!! 

Word Count: 2.4k ish

TW: suicide, suicide descriptions, swearing, therapy groups , etc

PS: i have been to many group therapies, so this is all just based purely on personal experience. so if this is triggering to you, please dont read any further!!!!

           Connor Murphy was special. Not special in the way you would describe a rare artifact or gem. He was special like the waves in the ocean, the colours in the sky, or oil paint on a canvas. He was special because you knew what to expect. Like a wave in the ocean, you expected to crash. Like the colours in the sky, you expected to fade out after hours of daylight. Like oil paint on a canvas, you expected to dry and harden after creating something beautiful. Connor Murphy was a synonym for beautiful; only the rarest of poets could find in a dictionary. He was the sound that rolled off of the tongue of a politician. He was the feeling of warm laundry, draping around your body. Connor was all of these things—which is why his downfall was to be expected.

           You had tried numerous group therapies in the past. None of them seemed to improve your feelings or behaviors. But they stabilized your health, which is all you could really ask for. There was something equally pleasing and eerie about joining group therapy. It was oddly satisfying to hear everyone bitch and complain, but also eerie that the painted beige walls would contain a group of kids who tried to kill themselves. Talk about a Suicide Squad.

           You drove yourself to group therapy. This one was named Youth Wonders: Group Therapy and Psychiatrics. The name was slathered on the brick building in bronze lettering. It looked ancient. Maybe it looked cool back in 2002, but it made you roll your eyes just at the sight. You were 5 minutes early. Your keys were still lodged into your car ignition. This was the hardest part: getting out of the car. There was always that part of you that was tempted to ditch, go eat some McDonald’s for the hour, and go back home to tell your dad that everything went well. The feeling of guilt spread over your stomach just at the thought. You have lied to your father many times before. He didn’t deserve to be lied to again.

           Finally, you slumped out of the driver’s seat and walked into the horrid building. It smelt like old carpet and candle wax. Kind of like a church. But nothing Holy grew an abundance to you whilst walking through the halls. A white, thick door was stood open with a brick. On the inside if the door, facing you, a pink slip of paper was taped up.

“TEEN YOUTH SUICIDAL THERAPY GROUP”

           They really don’t sugar coat anything here. Your footsteps grew heavier as you walked through the door. Plastic chairs were all set up in a circle. Inside there were only four teenagers, and a woman who had a strange resemblance to Whoopi Goldberg.

           “Name, please?” her scratchy voice echoed off the walls. Her dry hands where clutching a clipboard and her pink pen was held between her fingers, like a cigarette.

           “Oh, uh, Y/N L/N,” you frowned, taking a seat across from her.

           According to the amount of chairs set up, there were only six people in the group. You, an empty chair, Whoopi-Goldberg-lady, and an empty chair. The empty chair was to your left. You stared at it, feeling cold. The awkward tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife. You took this moment of silence as an opportunity to look around the room. All of the teens glared at their feet.

           The girl next to you had red hair. Her face was populated with cystic acne that looked painful to the touch. Her ginger locks were pulled into a low ponytail. She wore a large men’s sweater that hung off of her skinny body. Sitting to her left was a large Filipino boy. He wore a purple sweater and old hiking shoes. The toe of the boots were worn out and his big toe peeked out. His hair was greasy, and he looked in need of a shower. Down the line, in the circle, sat a Latina girl. Her hair was done perfectly and her ears were pierced. Big golden hoops dangled from the lobes, reaching her collarbone. She was chewing bubblegum, and wearing a croptop – even though the temperature was just above freezing. Finally, in the corner sat a very pale white boy. He was short and skinny. He looked like he was 12 years old. His minecraft shirt had large orange stains, and had blonde whiskers growing in on his upper lip.

           Whoopi-Goldberg-lady took a final sigh, clicking her pen. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, another person stomped in.

           “You finally decided to join us…” the woman looked at her clipboard before reading out loud, “Connor?”

           The boy grunted in response, throwing his body down onto the chair next to you. You winced at the sound. He had long hair. The ends curled into the collar of his denim jacket. Your eyes trailed up to his face. The muscles in his jaw flexed as he grinded his teeth together. The Whoopi-lady stood up, smoothing out the material of her chiffon blouse.

           “Welcome, everyone. My name is Liz,” she spoke above her gravely tone.

           Her name was Liz. Finally, you could stop referring to her as the Whoopi-Goldberg-lady, in your head.

           “I will be your counselor and guide for this group. Within our 9 weeks here, I expect all of you to hit a few goals. The first being: opening up. I want you to share your story, knowing that whatever is said in here, stays in here.”

           You could hear the boy next to you, practically scoff.

           “So the first thing we are going to do is; go around the room, say your name, age, and explain why you are here.”

           You could feel everyone tense up.

           “Let’s start with,” Liz glanced at her clipboard. “Jamie.”

           The red-haired girl sat up straight. She removed her fingers from her mouth, as she was just chewing on her cuticles moments ago. Her bleeding fingers dove into the sleeves of her sweater.

           “Hi, I’m Jamie,” she spoke softly, almost like a robot. “I’m 15 and I’m here because I overdosed on sleeping pills.”

           Liz nodded, “Ok. Great. Thank you, Jamie.”

           Next in line was the boy in hiking boots.

           “Hi, I’m Leroy. I’m 16 and I tried to hang myself from a tree,” his voice was a deep baritone. But was quickly cut off by the Latina girl beside him.

           “Did the tree break, fatty?”

           “Andrea,” Liz warned. “This is supposed to be a safe space.”

           “Ok, yeah, whatever. I’m Andrea. I’m 18. This is my third time here. I took too much meth and blacked the fuck out. So I’m here,” she snapped her gum, fingering the golden hoop on her ear.

           “Daniel, your turn,” Liz looked at the small pale boy.

“Hi, um, I’m Daniel. I’m 16 and I, uh,” the boy began to sob violently. Your heart broke a little bit. The boy next to you, Connor, scoffed. You were almost in disbelief at his heartless gesture.

“It’s ok, hun. Take your time,” Liz spoke softly.

Daniel continued, hiccupping and telling the group how he tried to end his life just two weeks prior. After many tissues, Liz continued down the line.

“Connor?”

The boy next to you, shifted in his seat. He was now sitting up, straight. His long legs tangled over each other. His large, black combat boots looked heavy against his skinny shins. He was wearing a lot of layers.

“Yeah, hi, I’m Connor. I’m 17. I tried killing myself 3 weeks ago.”

“How? You have to say how,” Andrea twirled her hair around her finger.

“Why? Do you get off to people’s backstories or some shit?” he hissed back.

Liz waved the two of them off, gesturing that it was okay to keep those details private. Next was you. And you could feel your breath become heavy. All eyes landed on you.

“Well, uh, my name is Y/N. I’m 17, also. I tried killing myself last year, but I’m here because my therapist told me to,” you spoke softly.

“That’s fucking boring.”

“Andrea!”

 You were pouring coffee into a Styrofoam cup, rubbing the drowsiness out of your eyes. It was the half-way mark through group therapy. The group is given a 15 minute break between the two hours, and there is a small table full of shitty snacks and coffee.

“Coffee at 1pm?” a voice spoke from behind you. You turned to see that Connor boy offering you a lazy smirk.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”            “Well it’s shitty filtered coffee, and no one drinks coffee in the middle of the afternoon.”

“I didn’t know you cared so much,” you spoke while moving to the side, putting creamer and 8 packets of sugar into the small cup. “I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Jesus Christ,” he gaped at the amount of sugar you put in.

“It’s good, you should try it some time,” you mused, taking a small sip.

Connor shook his head, pouring some of the filtered brew into a cup of his own. “No, thanks. I’d like to live well into my thirties.”

“Isn’t that the opposite of why you’re here?”

“Touché.”

 The rest of the afternoon went as expected. Red-haired girl went on a rant about her dad never loving her, Daniel cried some more, and Liz gave us homework to complete for next week. The green folder full of worksheets will be added to the pile of therapy homework that you never do. You have other things on your plate. You have a job, school, and university to think about.

While walking to your car, you see the tall boy leaning against the hood of your car.

“Uh, hi?” you spoke, raising on eyebrow.

He jumped a little bit, not seeing you at first. “Oh, hey, can you drive me home? My dad is at work and my mom…” he trailed off, looking at his feet.

You scratched the back of your head, not really knowing what to say.

“I’m sorry, I barely even know you. I should just walk home-“ he began to ramble, grabbing his messenger bag from between his feet.

“Get in,” you sighed, unlocking the car.

“Wait. Really?”

“What’s your address?”

The car ride was pretty silent. It contained the sound of your humming motor, and the small murmurs of directions from Connor. You had asked him what street he lived on, but he just told you that he would direct you there. He lived on the outskirts of the city. By following his directions, you drove into the suburbs. The houses were all parallel to each other. Each of them very large, big two-car garages, and nicely trimmed lawns. It was the type of neighborhood that would give out the good candy on Halloween.

“It’s the house on left, here,” he mumbled once again. Your eyes practically bugged out of your head.

“This one?” you took one hand off the steering-wheel to point to the house in front of you. It was gigantic. It was painted yellow with a dark blue door. It must have been at least 4 stories high. The backyard, from what you could see, was massive. Two large pillars on other side of the front door, reminding you of pictures in textbooks about ancient Rome.

As you pulled into his driveway, Connor picked at his nail polish. “What? Are you surprised?”

“A little,” you laughed, looking over at him.

He began to pick up his bag, looking over at you. The sunset in the sky casted a pink shadow in your car, making everything a rose colour.

“Well, uh, thanks. I’ll see you next week,” he spoke, stepping out of your car.

You watched as the goth boy walked into the giant, yellow house. It was a sight to see.

 Next week rolled around, and you were five minutes early. You sat in your car, rubbing your temples. Another night without sleep. It was beginning to take a toll. Sitting in your car became a ritual you had. It gave you time to mope, before having to put on a brave face for wherever you were going. You let out a large sigh. Your head was pounding. Placing your forehead in the palms of your hands, you laid them down on the steering wheel. Closing your eyes, you were grateful to have a second to decompose.

It was quiet until you heard your passenger door open and slam shut. You let out a scream, sitting back, looking at the man who just entered. It was Connor.

“WHAT THE HELL?”

“Chill the fuck out.”

“CONNOR, YOU CAN’T JUST DO THAT.”

“What? Get in someone’s car? I know. I’m not an idiot.”

You began to go on a slight rampage, telling him about how many girls get abducted by leaving their cars unlocked. He responded by telling you to ‘lock your fucking car, then’. Before you could shout another witty response, he shoved a cup of hot coffee into your hand.

“Here.”            “What… What is this?”

“Coffee, you dumbass.”

“Yeah, I know. But why?”

He just shrugged, taking a sip out of his own cup, leaning back in the passenger seat.

“So, why do you sit in here?” he mumbled against the warm lid of his beverage.

“It’s just nice, I guess?” you spoke out softly, rubbing your eyes.

Connor nodded, drinking his coffee quietly. You did the same.

  Lunch time came around. Therapy had been going well. But you couldn’t help but find yourself staring into space every other minute. It was no group participation. It consisted of Liz telling everyone that how they were feeling is “okay”. It wasn’t anything that you hadn’t heard before.

You stood up the moment Liz said that your 15 minute break began. You walked over to the snack table, pouring another cup of coffee. Connor watched you from his seat, chewing on his bottom lip.

No one else had picked up on your caffeine habits. Rather, the rest of the teenagers fought over the sugar cookies that were lined up on the table. You walked back to your seat, sighing loudly as your butt hit the chair. You took a large gulp of the cheap caffeine, letting your eyes settle close for a moment.

“You know, I never got to hear your story last week,” you spoke softly with your eyes still closed.

“Well, same goes to you, I guess,” he mumbled back, slouching into his chair.

You cracked an eye open, looking at him. “Mine isn’t as recent.”

He shrugged back, watching you as your eyes flutter shut once more.

“My family is shit. My parents hate me. Some kid wrote a weird letter about my sister. I freaked the fuck out. It was just kind of the last straw, I guess?”

 It was quiet for a few more moments. You opened your mouth to speak, then Liz clapped loudly, asking everyone to return to their seats. Group began again, and Connor avoided your eyes at all costs.

[sae-you-sae-me]

Hello :) I really love your headcanons they are great and you are muffin awesome. I was surprised to see that requests were open so I'd like to request an scenario/ headcanon with RFA+V+Saeran with an MC that can see her own and everyone elses's read thread of fate (Not sure If I wrote it right) so when she meets them she knows who her soulmate is. I hope that my english is not bad and that you are fine. Thank you in advance and I hope you have a great day :)

We can’t believe we reached the level of muffin. Thank you…and hope you like these~

Zen:

You knew he was your soulmate before you met him through the RFA

You had landed front seat tickets to one of his shoes awhile back

And the string on your finger led right to his

You couldn’t believe it, and to be honest, you were almost distracted for most of the show

Gathering up your courage, you sneak behind stage to maybe get the chance to talk to him

You weren’t sure how to tell him, but at least fate brought you together, right?

But he was hugging some other girl

The hug became a hold…and then he was kissing her cheek and calling her pet names

You asked a nearby stage hand, and it turns out he was already dating

You were a little heartbroken, so you kind of fade out

Despite the string on your finger, you didn’t really want to see him again

Fast forward a few years later, and you see him in the chatroom

You know he’s single now, but you’re still kind of turned off…because everyone knows they have a soulmate

Then one day, the topic comes up in a chat

Zen starts sharing that he didn’t believe in soulmates until the end of his last relationship, where he found that dating around just didn’t suit him

After that, you kind of softened on him a little

You guys talk a lot more…and you find yourself falling for him more and more

When you guys finally meet, you tell Zen that you can see the strings and who everyone’s soulmates are

He jokingly asks, “Yeah? Can you tell me mine? Getting kind of lonely here.”

You smile and lift up your own finger

He thinks you’re joking at first, but when he realizes you’re not, he’s so overjoyed

He was so worried that he was falling for you, and once again, it would end like all his other relationships 

“I didn’t believe in soulmates before, and I was beginning to doubt again…and then you came in.”

Yoosung:

Yoosung also believed in soulmates

So he always wanted to save himself for his soulmate

When you two first talked about the topic in the chatroom, you found it rather refreshing to hear someone who believed in it

Then you met him at the RFA party

And you string led straight to his

You didn’t want to freak him out so you stayed quiet

But you were a little more open to him otherwise

Since soulmates could also be platonic, you weren’t sure pursuing a relationship would be the best idea

So you took it slow

You did grow very close to him though, and you found yourself connected to him in someway for sure

Then one day, you two were just working together on something and laughing as usual, and Yoosung just blurts, “I think I’m in love with you.”

You’re shocked to say the least

His nerves gets to him and he starts rambling, but you get the gist of it

He says he thinks you could be his soulmate, and he really hopes so because he finds himself completely smitten by you in a way he’s never felt before

After some awkward silence, he buries his head in his hands, “I guess there’s no way to know for sure, huh?”

You chuckle nervously and tell him you’re on of those people who can see strings

And he deflates thinking that if you knew, you would’ve told him

You’re quick to fix that mistake

He pulls you into this bone crushing hug

Jaehee:

You had always seen strings of soulmates

You had watched your friends as they realized their soulmates…you had watched soulmates pass each other on the street

But there was no string on yours

You knew that a string could appear on people at any time in their life, and not being born with one didn’t mean you didn’t have a soulmate

But since most had their string appear by the time they were children, you had slowly given up on the idea of you having one

It was a part of life, and by the time you joined the RFA, you were indifferent to it

Despite this nonchalance about soulmates, you still felt a connection to Jaehee

You found yourself opening to up to her, and she was opening up to you a lot as well

You two tried to meet on several occasions, but it never happened because of work on both your ends

So, in the end, nightly phone conversations became a thing

Then one day, after you hang up, and you notice a yellow string tie around your finger and slide out the door

You call Jaehee right away and she has to calm you down a little because you’re mildly freaking out

She knows your stance on soulmates, and that you can see the strings and yet never had one yourself

You had mixed feelings about honestly

You and Jaehee had such a strong bond, and thinking that you might have a stronger one with someone else due to fate was off putting

After this incident, she knew she had to meet in you person, even just to be reassuring

She makes the time and you do too and finally you two meet for coffee at a cafe

You freeze the moment you see her

She asks you what’s wrong, but she knows when you look at your finger…then across the way to her hand

You press a hand over your heart, “Thank goodness.”  

Jumin:

String Theory King

You two seemed to understand each other from the start

Of course, this would lead to a lot of deep conversations at any time of the day

You noticed he often used the analogy of a tangled string, and you found it odd…considering you often saw the tangled strings of others lives when it came to soulmates and connections

You jokingly brought it up, but he seemed to dismiss it so you dropped it

You were always intrigued by the idea of soulmates, but you never thought about your own too much

But you felt connected to him, and he admitted as much to you

Your bond only grew stronger as the days past, and finally it happened that you got to visit him at his penthouse

When he saw you, he just seemed to stare for a long time

He apologized and said something along the lines of staring in your beautiful eyes

But he started acting stranger since that meeting

You thought you were reading too much into it

But you could’ve sworn his glances were longer and that he often looked at your hands before his eyes darted to the ground

You ignored it for the most part and your friendship went on as usual

Then one day, you were sitting across the table from him and you noticed your string…it was so short…and it connected to his finger

He smiles at you, “So you finally noticed.”

Turned out he could also see strings, and he noticed yours and his right away

He also figured out that you could see strings too, in the way you watched strangers

But he never wanted to rush things, so he stayed quiet

There was no grand confession

He just reached out and held your hand and you both smiled in acceptance

Seven:

You two got along as soon as you entered the RFA

Time did nothing to change that

You were also beginning to like him a little, but with your ability to see soulmates, you were trying not to feed those feelings

As coincidence would have it, you had a dream that he was your soulmate…which was odd since you hadn’t met him yet

Were you in for a shock when you two finally did meet at an RFA party

Your string was connected straight to his

But you weren’t exactly sure how to tell him

Sure, you two were pretty open about most things….but this was a totally different thing

Still, you dropped subtle hints and your dream gave the perfect opportunity

You told him in a casual way, and he completely laughs it off

It stung a little, but you managed to chuckle

If this was fate, things would work out in the end, right?

Time goes on, and your feelings for him only grows

Unfortunately, he gets more and more aloof as well

He answers your calls less, seems more closed, and always has an excuse why you can’t meet

When the whole thing about the bomb being in your apartment comes up, he has no choice but to rush over to fix it

Things get super tense, and you finally address him about him pushing you away and acting cold since you two seemed to get along so well

He blows up at you, and says he’s one of those people who can see soulmate strings

He claims your string is not connected to his

Little does he know, you can very easily see that it’s not true and you finally tell him as much

He shies away with the realization that you see it too, but he still tries to push you away

With each attempt, this string gets brighter as if emphasizing the truth

Finally, he just breaks down knowing he can’t fight fate any longer

He apologizes quietly

He gives this really sweet confession, but he ends it with “I guess I’m just tied to you somehow.”

He didn’t mean it…but that only made you two laugh twice as hard

At least you were back to normal

Saeran:

You had a string tied to you when you were a kid

But sometime in your early teen years, the string disappeared

At first, you thought your soulmate had died…but then it reappeared

It faded in and out

Then it completely disappeared again around the time you entered the RFA

You weren’t sure the reason, but you were really worried about your soulmate

You thought he might have been battling death or something with the way it went in and out…and maybe now he was finally gone

But then you agreed to help Saeyoung find Saeran, and the string slowly appeared again

You could never tell where it was connected though, as it faded as the string went on

You decided not to think about it too much and threw yourself into helping your friends

Specifically, into helping Saeran recover

You weren’t sure what drew you to him, but you always felt a soft spot

As he recovered, you noticed the string grow a bit brighter…and brighter

Coincidentally, you and Saeran grew closer and closer

Then one day, you could finally see to the end of the string

It was Saeran

He had finally gotten to the point where he could love again, and so the string was growing brighter every day

You still didn’t tell him…and you waited until he was in better shape

But he approaches you, “I don’t really believe in soulmates, but if I did…I think it would be you.” 

You look softly down at the string connecting your fingers, “Yeah. Me too…”

V:

You didn’t have a soulmate

Or so you thought

The string didn’t appear as a child, and it didn’t appear as you got older either

You had just accepted the fact

But when you joined the RFA, you felt a connection to V

It wasn’t really deep or magical, but something subtle

You understood him, and he understood you

But he had Rika…and he was still getting over Rika

You accepted that

Even when she disappeared a second time, you were there for him as he healed 

Little did you know, as time went on, he was growing feelings for you

You were so accustomed to not having a soulmate, you didn’t even notice for a long time that a string had appeared on your finger and connected straight to his

In fact, you didn’t notice until he took your hand in his and said, “You know…this might sound weird, but I feel connected to you in some grand scheme. It’s like…fate or something.”

You stare down at both of your strings and smile, “You don’t even know…”

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

[chirpingisflirting]

With Nursey week coming up (courtesy of the wonderful @baba-nurse, check out @nurseyweek for specifics!), I thought it might be interesting to share some of my own personal experiences with growing up in Manhattan and being part of the New York private school world, and speculate how Nursey might have been shaped by such experiences. Hopefully some of you wonderful authors might be able to use some of this for your fics/headcanons.

For starters, I just want to say: I am not at all like Nursey. I am a middle class, white, Jewish girl, and I will never be able to speak for anyone other than what demographics I fall into. If anything I say in here is offensive, or assumes too much, let me know and I will change it as soon as possible. And also keep in mind that I do not mean to say that these experiences are at all universal among the private school world. My mom says that the grade below mine had some of the nicest kids in it; for some reason, the kids I was surrounded by just weren’t (and also, I had some really good friends too, some of the girls were friendly, and for the most part all of the guys were perfectly happy to leave me alone). Yes, some private schools are great. My experience was mine alone.

(read 1.5k of personal angst and Nursey headcannons under the cut. cw for minor bullying, I guess??? maybe not)

So. I was a part of the NYC private school world from pre-K through elementary school, a total of 7 years. My family was solidly middle class, and a relative paid for much of my schooling. I was surrounded by the children of millionaires. I think my grade had around 40 kids in it, and we all moved up together each year. In the entire grade, there were maybe 5 students of color, and probably around 5 students who were there on scholarships. My 7 years in the private school system were miserable. My mom said I would come home almost every day ready to go in my room and cry. I was a terrible child at home, rude to my mother and downright horrible to my brother. It’s taken years for my brother and I to get our relationship back on track.

The private school world, or at least the version I experienced, is not something I would ever want to put my child through. My parents did it because they thought: “Oh, more funding, smaller classes, more individual attention. Great!” And looking at the numbers, it is better than most NYC public schools, which are severely underfunded and overcrowded. But here’s what you don’t see: student interactions. God, were some of those kids awful. It’s all about who has money: if your parents have a boat and a brownstone, you’re in. If not, you’ve got a target on your forehead and your back. And it’s never, ever physical. It’s all psychological. This is why I can’t ever fully get behind fics where Nursey gets beat up at Andover, because I can’t see it ever happening in the private school world I know (but I’m not saying I know everything about this world either. I didn’t go to a boarding school, and I’m just one person). The mental attacks though...wow, do they get to you. I became the best at being a passive aggressive bitch, nipping attacks in the bud, defending my friends, doing anything I could to turn a fight around. And I was good at it, too, but kids shouldn’t be coming to school preparing to defend themselves against any sort of attack at 8 years old.

One thing I wouldn’t do was initiate. Sure, I’d continue a fight if I was really feeling it, but I wouldn’t begin anything. I turned to academics to make myself known, or feared, or whatever you want to call it. Science, math, literature, history, language. All the teachers knew me, I spent hours on homework, was furious if I got a less-than-amazing grade on a test. I loved woodshop, was the best student in the advanced math group, and once spent almost an entire science period proving that you could use the metal end of a no. 2 pencil as an electricity conductor in a circuit, to piss off the girls who said I was lying when I had done it the first time. My passion was creative writing, where I could make any world I wanted, have all the friends and the money I wished.

There are two memories from elementary school that I always refer back to when anyone asks what the bad parts were. The first was during a free period in the gym after lunch, probably during 2nd grade. A girl I had been friends with in kindergarten and first grade had joined a friend group, and I stuck with my own friends. This girl came up to me, with her friend group looking on, and told me that since she knew me, I could join her friend group, but my other friends couldn’t join. Now, this could be read innocently, but let me assure you, it wasn’t. And it wasn’t her fault, because one of the girls in her group was the one who gave me the most shit for everything that I was. I walked away from her and never once regretted it.

The second memory is the only time anything ever became physical. During the end-of-year ceremony, during 5th grade (my last year in the private school system), my class got to sit on the balcony where all the cool older kids got to sit (the school was K-8). I was on the floor in the first row, and a second row of kids were on chairs. The girl behind me was someone I had been friendly with, but she too was Captured by the Dark Side, and had taken it upon herself to make my last days at school absolutely miserable. During this ceremony, she sat behind me, and spent the entire time kicking me in the back, over and over in the same spot. I refused to move; I wouldn’t give her that satisfaction.

My family pulled me out of the private school system and I went to a public middle school, where I had an absolutely amazing time. Everyone was friendly, everyone knew me and I knew everyone. I could be smart and still have friends, I could be snarky and have people laugh with me, I could be artsy and be applauded. I was really, really happy. My mother said one of her biggest regrets was not pulling me out of my elementary school after the first year.

I 100% agree with the fandom that Nursey’s chill is 10000% fake. That boy has too many feelings for him to have any chill about anything (especially Dex but ya know…). I also agree with the post (WHICH I CAN’T FIND SOMEONE HELP ME) that Nursey never gets into physical fights, because he is fully aware of how the entitled rich white people he is surrounded by would see it if he were to raise his fists, and also because he’s learned that psychological attacks hurt so much more. He’s taken to proving that he’s better through academics, through avoiding confrontation, through finding spaces where he can authentically be himself without worrying about someone cruelly picking him apart...such as with a pen and paper, such as on the ice, such as in the haze of a good high. His “chill” is a defense against incoming attacks, but also a capsule that keeps his own emotions in.

I want to add to this that often the fandom only thinks of Nursey’s time at Andover as being instrumental in who he has become, which is probably because that’s all we know of him. But most kids who wind up in boarding schools have been in the private school system since kindergarten, and I guess the point of this post is to stress that whatever goes down in high school is a more carefully constructed version of what has been happening in the years before. Young children can be incredibly and unbelievably mean and cruel to each other. As I said, it’s taken years for me to repair my relationship with my brother, and I am so thankful that I left the private school system because I would be a very different person than I am today, and not in a good way. But Nursey didn’t have that opportunity. He was alone, both because of his race and because he didn’t live at home during high school.

I also want to address the side of the fandom that believes that Nursey feels abandoned by his parents (I also hc him as having two moms btw). One the one hand, yes. I know a few kids from boarding schools who feel like their parents pushed them into schools as a way to get them off their hands, which is a terrible thing to feel. But if Nursey’s experience was anything like mine, then his parents were probably aware of what was going on, and how their son was feeling, regardless of how much they distanced themselves from him or not (I personally believe not; they just have. so. much. to do as queer women of color living and kicking ass in a white male dominated business world. They want the best for their son, and they thought this was the way to do it). Nursey probably felt like his parents were ignoring him, that they didn’t care, that they refused to acknowledge him and make things better. And trust me, this hurts more than any verbal attacks from other students.

What I would absolutely love to see is Nursey repairing his relationship with his parents, see him forgiving them, figuring out why they kept him in that world for so long even though they knew it was hurting him. I want to see him finally grow closer to his sibling as he experiences the college world, as he finds out what true friendship means, what it is like for someone to always have your back. Give me Nursey who is finally able to be happy in an educational institution, and who can finally refer to his peers as his friends.