#Pain Pills
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Kaz update as I play MSGv (literally nothing of relevance in these to the gameplay but fuck it we ball)
#I am#dare I say it… ocelhira pilled#Lol#i love him a lot#the world stopped spinning when u lost ur smile Miller#metal gear#mgs#metal gear solid#mgsv#mgs tpp#mgs pw#peace walker#the phantom pain#kazuhira miller#revolver ocelot#big boss#big boss mgs#venom snake#vkaz#ocelhira#bbkaz#silnaarttag
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"It's so embarrassing to admit I only create art for validation" did paleolithic humans not paint for other humans to see. Does a child making their first drawing to show their parents makes it any less valuable. Do gardens arranged for the visitors' eyes make the roses any less beautiful. Do love poems written for one person alone to hear make your heart ache less. You're fine
#jay rambles.txt#two very hard pills to swallow: 1. art has always been created for money and it's a very normal practice in human history#and actually artists being expected to produce art for free or as cheap as they do now is a relatively new thing#2. humans have always created art for validation because being recognised and understood by your fellow humans is a universal human need#if you start to idealise artistry as something inherently selfless that needs to come with no gain or benefits or instead brings only pain#you are going down a VERY dangerous path of not being able to express yourself without shame - if at all#and potentially dragging other people you told close down into that mentality too if you're vocal about it#I've been there#I am there#It's a shitty feeling but the only way out of it is true embrace your need to be loved and desire for human connection or it won't end well#idk that's my opinion tho
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"Goddamn. You sure did make a mess this time."
"...Yeah."
"Well then- what now, loverboy?"
A quick messy sketch with some lore while I'm trying not to die
#just threw back another pain pill i'm cooked fellas#leumin holiday#sealhouette#male yandere#yandere#male oc#tw: blood#inclement idée fixe#IIF Seal#my art
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"you took vicodin" and his face fell in a way i remember seeing when she said he should stop taking methodone or quit (and he decided to quit, because every day is a low level agony and every day no one else limps and every day has a chance to be normal to be cloudless to be free and of course of course you choose freedom) and his voice breaking on "i was scared" because house never admits that he's scared never ever not since his dad left him outside and the cold and the animals and the terror gripped him in a vice for days and "you took vicodin because you didn't want to deal with the pain... pain happens because you care." and grief being something that house is intimately aware of and terrified of, because that means he wasn't good enough - he didn't think quick enough, he failed to meet the bar (his own bar, so high. impossible high. a bar no one else even hopes for.) and pain being ever present and the impossibility of dealing with such a huge emotion when all you do is try to avoid it - and when it comes to you like a release of the floodgates, its the most horrible thing in the world. from a world where emotion is weakness and the only comfort you'll be given is your own, but surely its better to remove the need? of course you avoid it. who wouldn't?
#chaos.txt#the collective watches house md#and the parallels to the end of s6. god#how house is once again taking pain pills not to deal with physical pain (because he knows that he can see that he can cope)#but for emotional pain. a grief that is unending and unflinching. being proven right in the worst way possible#something something how house's physical pain gets worse when his heart hurts.#lisa cuddy#house md spoilers#house md#7×15#house md season 7#cee's house rambles#gregory house
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I used to get an arguments on facebook and it bit me in the ass enormously because it turns out that when you get an arguments on facebook habitually, you'll be interacting with a lot of other people who get an arguments on facebook habitually, and most of these people are deeply unpleasant and they will be super mean to you in really fucked up ways. so for a couple of years I just sort of dropped off ever interacting with anyone who said things that I did not agree with. I would just scroll past stuff or I would get upset about it privately and move on. I did not ever engage. and the last couple of weeks I've started being able to say things in response to things I don't agree with in ways that I feel lay out what my perspective is but do not get overly invested in "winning" or "proving" anything -- I will say my piece generally for the benefit of other people who might be reading the conversation and need to hear what I have to say. and then I will turn notifications off and go do something else.
anyway. wow. y'all heard about this? pretty cool shit.
#a friend of mine posted on her facebook page about the importance of pain management in dog behavioral problems#and some lady came in and started gnashing her teeth about pill popping and the opiate epidemic and 'masking pain'#and she was using her experience as someone who experiences chronic pain and who refuses to ever treat it.#as like a gotcha. I was just like I'm really sorry that you feel the need to deny yourself pain relief.#here is the scientific medical information that we have about the effect of untreated pain on the brain and the neurological system#here is information about how detrimental untreated pain is to the well-being of any organism#I think it would behoove you to look into some of the recent studies about this!#have a good day!#meanwhile she is like telling everyone to go screw themselves#which kinda proves my friend's point about untreated pain having a behavioral effect. ironically.#anyway
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SANRIO COLLAB ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#rain code#mdarc#raincode#master detective archives: rain code#yuma kokohead#makoto kagutsuchi#sanrio#cinnamoroll#lloromannic#makoyuma#saw the collab merch and was so overcome with art desire that i just took pain pills and locked in
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premerital handholding, gasp, how improper
#megaman x#megaman#x mega man#zero megaman#doodle#sketch#zerox#when i was drawing X i ended up going through intense heartburn#im not kidding#im the reason my mom had to rush to the store to get antacids#it was pills for it but god#is that how X felt when he got disemboweled with a laser in X5#fuckin hell it was painful
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*slams into your window like a squirrel*ASRIEL HAS ABSOLUTELY SCREAMED THE POKÉMON RAP IN HIS EAR YOU CANT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE

(I’m so sorry my handwriting is ass)(dysgraphia 😔 stealing my fuckin words😔)
*Hours of misery are finally over
*Mike breathes a sigh of relief
*BUT THEN THEY GAVE THE MIC TO NOELLE.
99999999 damage
Aaaaaah, he's lying x) He misses the days of kids yelling songs in his ears
But he sure doesn't miss Asriel's rapping.
THANK YOU FOR UR WONDERFUL FANART, DEVOURING IT LIKE WILD CREATURE🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌!!! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CANON FOR HIM LMAO POOR MAN
#sorry took wayyy to long to answer bc i wanted to make more comics for it x))))#🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#i imagine Azzy had that squeaky voice when he was a kid and Mike was IN PAIN.#imagine doing ur normal day stuff and hearing this “angelic” singing#while you try to work in peace and drink some coffee#someone give him some headache pills please#deltarune#deltarune mike#mike deltarune#asriel dreemurr#asriel deltarune#noelle holiday#noelle deltarune#kris dreemurr#dess holiday#shadowmen#deltarune shadowmen#tenna#deltarune tenna#deltarune chapter 3#deltarune fan character#deltarune take#utdr#ask#zla art
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Yep, all of them
#chronic illness#chronically ill#chroniclesofchronicillness#chronic pain#invisible illness#invisible disability#spoonie#mental health#pots#svt#hard pill to swallow
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Fixing my favorite handknit socks. I bought these from a thrift store when I was maybe 14 or so. They were an aspirational "maybe one day I will be able to knit like this" pair that I thought was beautiful and that, inexplicably, fits me better than any other pair of socks I've had. Some stranger from the same small town I was in knit a pair of socks, and they were donated, and eventually they made their way to me. It's such a strange coincidence but I am happy to have these socks.
So, I am trying to keep them wearable as long as possible. One day I want to try to copy them exactly. I bet they used a ravelry pattern. Maybe.
The pink bit on one of the socks was an initial mend that felted way more than I thought it would. So I had to cut the entire section and try again, basically.
Anyway. Also fixed two sweaters that were growing holes, and managed to explode my pan of focaccia by turning on the wrong burner.... it's been a day.
#should have called my meds in several days ago but i convinced myself id be in trouble if i tried to refill opiates early#now it will be several days before i can get them and im out except for 1 pill im trying to stockpile. i might use it anyway#in a lot of pain and having trouble doing things because of the pain and the bupe dulls it#anyway. just trying to clean my apartment. continually thinking 'i need a carer i cannot keep doing this'#but i have nobody who can do that and i could barely afford to pay for it#and also crucially i do not want strangers in my fucking apartment so its all very. guess ill die. yknow ?#mending#visible mending#darning#knit socks
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Hey there! Do you have a place that you sell prints of your artwork?
Hello! yes, I have a RedBubble store 😊 where you can get prints and a bunch of other stuff!
Also taking the chance to reply to the other question you sent earlier about commissions (I'm sorry I'm super slow with replies 😭) I'm not open at the moment so I don't have a price sheet but I would like to open at some point when I'm done with my current jobs so I'll make a post with all the info here whenever I do ☺️
Thank you for the interest and support!! ❤️
#nips replies#I've been postponing opening commissions for so many years that now it feels like such an intimidating task#maybe I should start small and limited in scope I'll think of something#when I'm not in excruciating pain due to my chronic migraines coinciding with my period on this cursed month#it's the second migraine episode in a week my pills are too expensive for this shit!! 😭
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I uh... Drew pain killer from objectified and accidentally gave him a major glow up lmao
Scene this is from
#random#didgital art#my art#cute#fanart#idk#fun#oc#original art#animation#pain killer#object shows#objectified comic#objectified fanart#objectified painkiller#fan art#digital painting#digital drawing#digital art#digital illustration#digital aritst#object fanart#objectified wagyu#objectified spool#painkiller#bath robe#pills aesthetic
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one complaint i do have is that ppl will sometimes comment on the fact that house never uses his cane on the proper side as if the show did it on accident when it's mentioned more than once that it's the wrong side, and people tell him this, and he knows it and still does it like that anyway . mostly because he's contrary and will go out of his way to try and prove that his way is better even when it's patently not, also at least partly because he's afraid of what would happen if he wasn't constantly suffering more than he needs to be, because that's the underpinning feature of his life and he doesn't know what he'd be without it. like the episode where he was in that parking space spat with the other doctor so to prove a point he went around using a wheelchair all week and is more or less pain free and clearly enjoying himself (to say nothing of his incredible smugness at having what he sees as extra disability points) but as SOON as the bet/point-proving is up he fucking . goes back to his regular life. with the cane that he knows he could use differently but doesn't and the back pain and the painkillers in excess of safe levels and the etc etc etc. king of learning zero lessons and preferring things to be worse because he doesn't know what to do with better!
#watched that episode the other day and it's not really pointed out or commented on at all#but while in most episodes we see him take a pill at least once or twice. he doesn't in that one for the duration of the week#visual nod to the fact that he's not in as much pain plus his generally pleasenter mood#house md#it's a little nitpick but ppl will talk like the show doesn't know he's using it on the wrong side. no it's character it's deliberate#he's resistant to change including (especially?) positive change and this is one of the illustrations of that#q
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Song is "Cool about it" by Boygenius
Sorry the colors are so repetitive and boring, I kept getting better, more creative ideas AFTER I had already done the sketches and pineart
Bonus OG artwork:

#my art#my artwork#the subtle art of overcompensating in order to understate#read: house making jokes and popping pills 24/7 to distract from the pain#house md fanart#house md#gregory house#james wilson#hilson#wilson x house#hate crimes md#greg house#hugh laurie#robert sean leonard#rsl
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Luis Serra because i finally finally fnally managed to buy Resident Evil 4 and I love this little bisexual man
i also got a new pack of crayons and a sketchbook from a classmate so I decided to draw HIM out of all people :)
#artists on tumblr#fanart#art#luis serra#luis sera navarro#luis sera fanart#how does this man have 59 tags#resident evil#resident evil 4#re4#re#re4 remake#re4 fanart#re4make#resident evil 4 remake#more tags I suppose#jesus christ this is a pain#tradtional sketch#traditional drawing#traditional illustration#traditional art#colored pencil#xhylinposts#for anyone who reads these tags I stayed up til 4 am to draw this little f slur#and I think i need seeping pills#Leon next maybe?#kinda liking this style#ok I'm done now#goodbye thank u
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sorry i lied. polliet grenade
#hetalia#aph#hws#polliet#lietpol#aph lithuania#hws lithuania#aph poland#hws poland#draws#what if i told u guys polliet is actually my second fave heta ship tied wif prumano#i just never post abt it bc im not strong enough to fight in the polliet wars#i already fight everyday in the itager wars i cant do polliet too its too painful#anyways okay now ROBOOTY DIES FOR 2-3 WEEKS. VOYAGE TO THE HETALIA CAFE!#mmm lithuania mai babygirl..#(hes my second fave heta character believe it or not rodf)#i think in this drawing i made him too germany pilled but its okay i still think in general hes in suffering thats why i like him#less suffering than germany but still a lot
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