#PTSD! YAY!

[askthemanorresidents]

Rampaging Aditya Event : Over

Suddenly, as if like magic, "Aditya" vanished. Now, he's back to his normal self, curled into the corner shaking, and crying out of fear thanks to his older sister!

Melati is also in an equally shitty condition, crying and hyperventilating out of horror and guilt!

Don't worry, they'll be alright physically soon!

Asks are back to normal!

[gros-chat-fait]

Just six normal teens hanging out in the woods. --

100th post and final drawing of the year. Happy holidays and new year, everyone <3!

[aropride]

autism and/or schizospec and/or aspd and/or other reduced affect havers gang rise UP!!! we should all hold hands and frolic in a field together like this -> 🌻🌱😐🤝😐🤝😐🌷🌾

[robby-bobby-tommy]

Okay, I'm obsessed with the lore.... So here's some of me theories/stuff I've noticed. It's gonna be rambling in it's worst, cuz I'm way too excited.

Firstly, let's welcome Madagio! I don't know what's up with him, but here's some info we know:

- he's from some island who is connected to Quesadilla through some system.

- he can travel through servers.

- cats are his eyes and ears.

So with this out of the way, here's some of my thoughts.

- Body language -

Honestly, it's not something important, but I really love how cc! Fit uses body language to convey his character. q! Fit doesn't sprint much, cuz he knows one misjudged step, one unnoticed trap and he's dead. He looks around, afraid of every lighting, every strange noise. He looks at cats cuz how are they even here, if not every person can survive here?

Madagio himself very reserved. He doesn't move much, showing us a difference between him and Fit.

- Roses -

Boy oh boy, do I have something to say. Despite obvious connections to Pac, recently there was another moment with exactly this kind of roses. At Philza's stream on 29th of December, at one point Ramon came to Titan and started to give away these rose bushes to some eggs and Phil. It might be a stretch, but it was very strange. Ramon explained that he gave away the roses, cuz he saw one in Chayanne's arm. But with this added context, I think Ramon's admin kinda hinted at this rule. Like the rose bush is a symbol of connection and love/trust. Fit loves and trusts Pac, Ramon, Chay and Lullah, and Phil too. I might be insane, but I adore this kind of symbolism. The roses show us who he has connections to. And now we understand what's at stake for Fit.

It's not only Ramon, who's in danger. Phil, his kids and Pac (probs Tubbo and Sunny too, but they didn't get roses) are also in the middle of crossfire. Madagio knew that it's in human nature for us to connect and getting attached to others even if told otherwise. Contractor knew that Fit won't be able to cheat or escape the deal, cuz he knew the veteran will have a lot at stake. He made this contract unavoidable. I love it sm.

- Music -

Since my post about Fit and his tragedy, I believe that a lot of decisions made about videos/lore streams are intentional. Like, back in a day, when we saw first dream, we heard "Étranger au Paradise" ("Stranger in Paradise "). And this song like fits Fit (pun not intended) like a friggin glove. Cuz even still, Fit feels like a stranger, undeserving this the heaven that is Quesadilla island. For example literally today he said smt along the lines of "What did I do to deserve a son like him[Ramon]?". He loves people around him, yet he can't show it, when everyone does it quite easily. I think Stranger in Paradise can be seen also in light of relationships. Like Fit considers Pac better, he loves him, but doesn't deserve his love. Agh

So why am I saying this? Well, you see. Cc! Fit uses a few songs to use before cinematic. And today he used "We'll meet again". And there's no connection, right? But what if it's a hint to contractor? Fit'll have to meet Madagio. Veteran has no idea when or where. But he knows they'll meet again some sunny day. Like, mb it's a stretch, but I really enjoy finding this connections. To this point cc! Fit was very intentional, so mb I have something here.

- Mon Dieu éternel, je te prie -

(sorry for probably butchering it, but anyway)

Well, now I have the most unimpressive and obvious theory, that leads to more interesting one.

During this stream it wasn't confirmed that contractor is a god, but there are a lot of hints. His name being an anagram to "I am a God" (Thank you, Tumblr user, who noticed it), he can't be hury, but is able to travel through the servers, and his first words to Fit are literally a rephrased "be not afraid", that is usually connected to angels.

Also his unusual connection to cats, that are his "extensions" Doesn't seem humain at all. Yet it isn't confirmed so idk.

Now, Black Concrete is closely tied to Cucurevil and can have bad effect on a person. The only people, who interacted with it and weren't affected at all, were Fit and Philza. Why? What if it's because they're protected by Gods? Like, fitza have a lot parallels in their lore, and mb it also hints at devine nature of Madagio? Rose protects Phil and his close ones out of kindness (I guess) and sends birds to cheer up her protège or show her support. Madagio literally does the same thing. But he sends cats not to show support, but to remind that he is always there, he sees and hears everything. Does it prove my theory? No, I guess. But it gives smt to think about.

- End -

At the end we see Fit waking up (smt that we've never seen before) and sees a cat. They look each other in the eyes and veteran convulsively shakes his head, refusing to something implied. Now, I'll be honest, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, and I didn't really understand what he refused to? Was he saying he didn't need contractor's help? Idk. And this whole montage of moon, cat, and Madagio is very interesting, but I can't put my finger on it.

After browsing for a literal second, I have some ideas. Moon typically represents the rhythm of time, as it symbolizes the cycle. So maybe Contractor reminds Fit how little time he has. Like, time's running out. Cats, though, have a lot of different meanings, but I guess the most important to this case are freedom and mystery. Madagio is free and mysterious, so ig it fits.

- And just my thoughts ig -

God, i loved it so much. Fit's lore is subtle yet very important and interesting. It shows a character and builds on it so much, while explaining the world itself. Guuugh I love it so much.

And here's just some screens that shows how much Fit has grown.

He is no longer doing everything for himself only. Now he cares for others, breaking a simple rule made by contractor.

P. S.

I feel like this picture rn

[waittheydontloveyou]

I’m struggling getting out of bed omg.

But I need to do shit

but I don’t want to

Depression is great

Need to bleach/dye my hair a regular color

I’m tired of the green, want my red back

Want my bob shorter

Need to clean and do laundry and make my bed

Instead I’m sitting in my unmade bed frozen and overwhelmed and hating myself

I guess it’s bigger than depression and needing to do my shit.

My case is on public record now

I thought I was ok with it but I guess it’s stressing me out. My name is out there on public record attempting to take down my predator who is also named.

I keep having flashbacks ever since it went up.

I’m scared he will come kill me or rape me again.

I’m scared his family and friends that support him will hurt me.

I’m scared my names gonna be dragged. Publicly.

Again

“thanks” to ex nothing compares to having your kids ripped from you. Nothing really scares me comparably, but it’s still scary and my body is revolting by being frozen. Fuck

[bpdohwhatajoy]

I love how trauma either has me like I Need To Fuck Now Or I’ll Die Like Some Kind Of Pathetic Insect or if I even think of the concept of intimacy I’ll vomit. No in between

[sacredwrath]

P3. Are you ok?

Panic attack, paranoia, ptsd, referenced past torture, comfort!!

Jesse lays awake on their favorite overstuffed yellow sofa, staring out the large floor to ceiling windows in their living room. They couldn't face their old bedroom. At least not yet, but even here, they're still struggling to calm down enough to sleep.

They know if they let their eyes close, they'll be back in their cell, Morgan standing over them, kicking them awake from this impossible, perfect dream. They can almost hear his voice in their head.

"Thought you escaped me, Jes? Thought you were home safe with your family? How sad. Poor Jesse. You really are losing it, aren't you?"

They shake their head, violently ridding themself of his voice before they start to panic.

Outside, trees sway in a gentle breeze. Beams of moonlight stream in illuminating the living room and Isa's familiar form curled on the next sofa. They watch her easy breathing.

She is real. She is here. They are here. They are home.

The gentle rhythm of her breathing relaxes them and their eyelids droop.

"There you are."

Their eyes fly open, heart stuttering in their chest. That was him. His voice, clear as day. Sitting up in a panic they search the room, too terrified to look towards the window. They know they'll see him standing there. Grin on his face, knife in hand. Their heart races

Just look. He's not here, he can't be here. It's just your mind playing tricks. It's fine.

They force a peek.

Nothing, but swaying pines.

They try to relax, breathing deeply, their heart begins to slow.

A soft click at the door obliterates their calm. They're on their feet, falling, crawling somewhere safe. Anywhere.

Maybe they imagined it.

But then they hear the soft creek of old hinges as the heavy door is eased open as quietly as he can manage.

He's here, he's really here! He's going to take me again

They drag themself across the floor to the kitchen, only a few steps away around a long breakfast bar. They reach the sink just as the door clicks shut.

He will not take me again, he will not take me again, he will not take me again, he will-

Their fingertips scrabble across the counter trying to find the knife block.

Quiet footsteps in the hall.

They spin, knife clenched in trembling hands.

"Woah" the word is a startled breath. Moonlight shimmers off golden hair not dark and his hands are raised, but in surrender not attack.

It takes them a moment to register what they're seeing. Then their eyes dart around the room, scanning every corner and shadow.

Slowly they lower the knife a fraction.

Logan takes a tentative step closer.

"Hey, it's ok Jes, just me... I'm sorry I scared you."

"Logan?" The terror still lingers, but they feel their rational mind trying to reassert itself.

"Logan" they repeat more confidently "I- shit, I'm sorry!" They look down at themself, huddled trembling against the cabinets, large kitchen knife in hand. How did they even get here? "I- I don't know what happened, I was on the couch and..."

"Hey it's ok, don't worry about it." He comes closer, seating himself in front of them, reaching out to take the knife.

Instinctively they jerk it away, clutching it close to their chest

"Woah, ok, be careful, I won't take it."

Their breath is still coming too fast adrenaline zinging through them like rocket fuel.

"Here, come on, let's just take a couple deep breaths ok?"

They nod

"Ok, close your eyes-"

"No, no I can't, I can't!"

"Ok, ok, that's alright, that's even better, just watch me then."

Their eyes roam the corners, again looking for any sign of that telltale silhouette, dark hair, the scent of clove and cedar always just failing to mask the sour, metallic tang of blood.

"Jesse?"

They snap back to Logan, crouching on the floor in front of them. Logan.

"It's ok, just follow my breathing, in..."

Air doesn't want to fill their lungs.

"...and out..."

They force it out anyways.

"...in..."

More air this time.

"...and out..."

It's Logan sitting in front of them.

"...in..."

Logan is safe.

“...and out…”

They are safe with Logan.

“...in…”

They lose themself in the rhythm of his words.

"...and out..."

Focusing entirely on the feeling of their lungs contracting and expanding.

"...in..."

They don't know how long it goes on, but eventually, they feel the panic releasing them. Each breath loosening its hold a little more. Tears well in their eyes. Noticing, Logan cuts off his chant.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better..." the word sounds weak and uncertain, their eyes are drawn back to the corners

"Can I get closer to you?"

They nod.

"Is this ok?" Logan wraps an arm gently around their shoulders pulling them in close.

Another nod

"Good, I've got you. You're safe now" his hand rubs slow circles on their back, careful to avoid their injuries. "I locked the door behind me. No one's here, but you and I... well, and Isa on the couch." His lips quirk against their hair. "You're safe."

"I-" They stop, not wanting to fall apart again, but the words feel like fire in their throat, now that they've come they'll burn a hole through their windpipe to be spoken. "I haven't felt safe in so long I can't... I can't even remember what it feels like." He grips them tighter, so tight it hurts, a good kind of hurt.

"You're safe now. You're home. Nothing and no one on earth will hurt you like that ever again." The words are good, but Jesse doesn't believe them, after all, how can Logan stop someone like Morgan? Someone who's ripped out parts of their soul and left them bleeding on the floor of that cell. They feel like a rag that's been worn down to nothing but a tangled, dirty pile of thread.

“Logan” they whisper. More words they don't want to speak. “I think… I don't think… what if… what if I can't fix it?”

“Fix what?”

“What he did to me. What if I'm- broken…” they trail off again “permanently damaged.” they whisper.

“That's not- Jesse. You aren't broken. You are still the same person, You're still-”

“Stop!” They snap, pulling away from him. “You don't understand. Logan. You don't know what he did-” they stop. “He changed me.” They watch him intently, looking for any sign of misgiving. He swallows.

“I know Jes.” He takes their hands, gentle fingers carefully avoiding their crooked fingers. “It doesn't feel right to tell you everythings going to be ok, at least not now, not right away, but…” he meets their eyes. “But Jesse, I promise you. I’ll do everything in my power to help you feel ok again. No matter how long it takes, no matter what he changed, no matter what. You are the strongest person I know, and you are surrounded by the other strongest people I know. You will be ok again, and we’ll all be here to help support you till then.”

His words bring more tears to their tired eyes and they let themself be soothed. They don't know if they believe him, but as they lean into his arms, feeling ok again doesn't seem impossible.

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Tag list:) @whumpacabra

[bumblingbabooshka]

Stonn x T'Pring and Sybok x Angel are the only SNW ships I like. Honestly, with the way the show is written, I'm rooting more for the Gorn than the Enterprise at this point.

With how that show's writing Vulcans I'm like 70% sure they're gonna make Stonn a bad guy or make T'Pring cheat on Spock so their relationship ends with "They both cheated!" or so that Christine can comfort Spock as if he hasn't been cheating on T'Pring pretty much the entire time he's been on screen. I watched a 'short trek' I think they're called? Because I heard T'Pring was in it but it was REAAALLY bad like humor I might have laughed at in middle school...anyway T'Pring was only in it so they could make a joke where the premise was "T'Pring keeps breaking up with Spock because she falls in love with other people and Spock is SOO sad about it" and I was like Hey. Are you even WATCHING your show???? You're taking potshots at the WRONG CHARACTER. Like, even if you wanna make that joke - Christine'd make more sense because Christine and Spock ARE actually 'keeping it casual' and Christine DOES actually date around whereas T'Pring is committed to Spock in SNW and trying at every turn to make their relationship work. It still wouldn't be funny if the girl constantly breaking up with Spock was Christine but having it be T'Pring literally doesn't even make sense. You can say "it's just a funny little joke" (as people say about a lot of SNW'S issues) but T'Pring is a female character who's been viciously maligned for YEARS and if their 'jokes' or 'comedy' come at the expense of their characters or the message of ultimate togetherness and hope in the galaxy then I don't find it funny. SNW isn't supposed to be a comedy I don't know why they keep trying to be 'funny' at the price of being earnest. This isn't a marvel movie. The pro-eugenics trial, killing the disabled character, killing the chronically ill character (and framing this as a beautiful relief), 'being disabled is worse than death' messaging, turning the Gorn into horror movie killer monsters (especially when they could have just made up another species), the bioessentialism, constantly maligning Vulcans as racist bullies (with Spock's half Human blood saving him) <- Which I hate ESPECIALLY when Spock has always been a symbol for mixed people in which he struggled equally with feeling belonging in BOTH cultures whereas in SNW it feels like "If he could only be released from Vulcan's evil clutches he could be happy!" + The laziness of cheating being a plot point in so many main characters' romance stories so far. [La'an wants to be with Kirk but that'd be cheating, Spock is cheating on T'Pring with Christine, Pike sleeps with another woman in 'Lift Us Where Suffering' despite having a girlfriend <- They COULD be open but I don't think this is explained. That's Five or Six characters involved in potential cheating and more if you count M'Benga wink-nudging Spock and Christine's relationship when he most likely knows Spock is engaged to T'Pring.] I just have no faith in SNW. It doesn't feel earnest, and it doesn't feel kind and I don't want to watch a show where they'll sacrifice someone's character at any time for an ultimately meanspirited joke.

[idontknowwhattodoinlife]

The 5 yard stare

[science-lings]

love it when i find something to be weird and bullshit science about, truly my favorite part of blatantly non-realistic fandoms. i honestly love comic book/ fantasy science bc you can fake it into making sense even if that is not how things work. Anyway I want to write a fic where Bruce tries to build up an immunity to scarecrow's fear toxin and I get to extensively write about its effects bc I think Bruce should be nerdier

[fitzselfships]

Lesbians hanging out in the strawberry field. Will they kiss?? Perhaps :3

Proshippers/adjacent dni. 100 sharks attack 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈

[justmeinadaze]

I'm watching this doc about Armie Hammer and I feel like I need to say this to everyone. Like I'll scream it from the roof tops.

BDSM is one thing...

Abuse is another.

Some people like bruises, being tied down, controlled, talked about being "owned" in that way, etc but those people CONSENT to it. Real dominate partners understand and accept that.

Abusive people do not and it pisses me off how the media perceives them as the same.

Do NOT let any partner make you feel uncomfortable or force you into anything making you believe "Oh that's what you like." Or "Do this because you love me." No. If you are uncomfortable say it, baby, and if you're afraid or feel like you cant? Come get mama, honey, because I will.

As you've noticed I'm a subby girl in the sheets and get all gooey with my partner outside BUT you come at me with attitude or invalidate my feelings that way? No, sir. I'm a capricorn. I will fuck you up lol

I know it's not as easy as all that but yeah... dont let them manipulate you. It's a PARTNERSHIP even in Dom/Sub dynamics. If your Daddy/Sir/Master/Mistress/Mommy whatever really loves you and cares about you...they understand that.

Sorry lol thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[peppenispizza]

bad dreams

peppino has ptsd dreams, but now, you’re here. (emotional fluff)

Peppino had a tricky thing with sleep. Bad nights, good nights. Mostly bad... But since you came into his life, It didn’t... He knew he could lean on you if he had to. They were still bad; but... Not as alone.

You recently started staying over, mostly at his place since he had to basically go to work almost after he woke up, and it was most convenient. It became routine; And you had even moved some stuff from your place into his (crappy) little space above his pizzeria. Nothing too big, mainly the television and some pillows. It was a lot better having an actual tv, with programs, not some... weird staticky box.

 You both planned on bringing an actual mattress into the damn place instead of the pull-out couch bed; Which you constantly told him it’s horrid for his back. The only reason he even considered it was because you were around (dumb).

It hadn’t been there yet. You couldn’t really sleep, so you had the television on as you kinda curled against his side.

Peppino started to squirm a bit; Which.. did not seem strange. Until he started muttering. All of the sudden his chest started heaving and he started to toss back and forth.

You barely knew what to do but you rubbed his side and kept repeating his name until his eyes opened.

“WHA-” He sat up and looked around, disoriented, before he saw you to the side. You were looking at him, a bit scared.

He swallowed a bit and looked to the side, shoulders drooping. Shit. You saw. Fuck.

“I’m... sorry, Y/N.” He cleared his throat a bit and sat up, staring at his lap.

 “I..I..have-a bad memories of-a some things, a-and- I get-a nightmares a-and Imgphh-” was all he got out before you scooted up and yanked him into a hug with your entire upper body; His face kinda pressed against your neck.

“That’s okay.” you kissed his forehead.

“H- Wh-?”

...He never had anyone else be this intimate with about this. ...Maybe he could, with you. You were a necessary constant in his life now, and vice versa.

“I... um.” he swallowed a bit before kind of.. taking a minute, then shoving his face into your neck.

“Do you wanna talk about it or sleep?”

“..Sleep..”

You squeezed him close, kissing the side of his head. You felt some wet spots on your cheek. You smiled a bit and peppered his face with a series of little kisses.

“I love you.”

“T-t-ti amo,”

You hugged him down into bed with his face nuzzled against yours, a few tears sliding down his cheek. At least he could always be here, against you, someone who cared. Now. Maybe he could open up about it to you at some point, but for now all he wanted to do was keep you close and fall back asleep.

And he squeezed himself up as close as he could against you. You’re so warm. Soft.

You smelled nice.

The television flickered a bit on the menu as you both fell back asleep.

[charmedcleric]

It’s been exactly a year since I nearly died damn time flies

[salemripley]

Aliens is my favorite of the Alien series because it really shows Ripley’s personality well. She’s determined and motherly and seeing how well she was written in Aliens makes me go :)

[5-htagonist]

Well i am utterly mortified now. yay. lets everyone remember why i dont drink unless i know i can give up control and i never drink enough to get me Out of control. and yet.