#PROG SQUAD

[mayplantstarrwaters]

So I made a shitty King Crimson (Wetton/Bruford era with a bit of their late 60s era) meme edit with my one of my most favorite vid of all times. Just gonna leave this here with no further elaboration, enjoy

[villainship]

BYE FOREVER sick of each other's faces!!!

he's finally free from the time loop - now time for some therapy

[s-sputnik-k]

So I just saw a post saying that Wrecker listens to metal but doesn't know what it is (think Star Trek Jaylah's "I like the beats and shouting!"), meanwhile Hunter listens to metal but DOES know what it is. And I, a heavy music enthusiast, just HAD to expand on this

Wrecker listens to thrash metal, it's big and loud and sounds like explosions. He also likes Viking metal and folk metal (I can imagine him loudly chanting along to "DIGGY DIGGY HOLE! DIGGY DIGGY HOLE! I AM A DWARF AND IM DIGGING A HOLE!" with Omega giggling on his shoulders). But he doesn't only like metal, it's just one of many things he finds fun and exciting

Hunter, on the other hand, is into alt rock and a bit of metalcore and deathcore. He has a deep understanding of harsh vocals and can probably do some of it himself (he would be FASCINATED by the types of screams that impersonate animals, like pigsqueals and growls), he has a lot of strong opinions but prefers to just go to the woods and scream than to participate in fanbase discourse

Tech is a math rock and prog metal nerd. He would listen to jazz, but he got kicked out of all the local jazz bars for commentating the music too loudly ("Interesting polyrhythm, though I don't believe it adds to the composition so much as subtract from the previous syncopation- Ah! Genius use of the chromatic scale! In fact-" *gets decked*)

Crosshair is a post-punk gatekeeper and hates people who wear joy division shirts without knowing the band. He (obviously) had an emo phase in his teens and instead of growing out of it he just moved on to gothic rock. He sticks to his subculture and, like him, feels it is deeply misunderstood

Echo is into 80s pop and rock because its REAL music that makes you MOVE and BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER, he says as he turns everyone else's competing radios down. But secretly, just maybe his preference is partially because it reminds him of belting out classics with domino squad when they had access to radio for the first time on rishi...

Omega, of course, loves all of it. Oh, but she's also a K-pop stan. Also, Hunter managed to get her into Babymetal some time ago and is starting to regret it because she is certified OBSESSED

[judgeanon]

With another year over, and we slowly descend into the dredd universe, what was the best and worst of the prog and meg?

Ahh, ol' buddy, ol' pal. Where would my year be without this list? Thanks for the excuse to go over the last year. Now let's see...

For the prog, I really enjoyed Brink, Intestinauts, Rogue Trooper: Souther Belle, Silver: Unearthed (my favorite all-new series of the year), All Aboard the Nova Express, The Out, Azimuth and two of the big Judge Dredd stories (A Better World and Machine Rule). The one-offs were good too, but I think I'm really aching for a big ol' Dredd epic right now.

Other that that, there wasn't anything terribly bad. I can't really get into Full Tilt Boogie, and the urban fantasy horror stuff like Herne and Shuck or Nightmare New York (RIP John Burns) just leaves me kinda cold. Deadworld is still drawn godlike but feels like its spinning wheels. The one kinda disappointment of the year was Rogue Trooper: When a GI Dies. A bit too much dialogue getting in the way of some real emotion.

Oh, and I fucking loved the Nordland Rising crossover thing, even though they killed Hershey again and made me watch it drawn by like three different artists. Which should go to show how much I enjoyed its manic, throw everything at the wall approach.

As for the Meg, started out a bit slow this year but really picked up when Dreadnoughts started. I fucking love how bleak that thing is. Also, Judge Dredd: Body Shots was hilarious, the 2099 flashbacks are a nice exercise, and I have a soft spot for Department K, even if they made a kind of robot Hershey who was evil and then died. Big fan of Pandora Perfect too, that one's just a good time.

In the meh stuff, I'm not crazy about Fargo & McBane other than the art but I appreciate the variety, I really don't care about Devlin Waugh and I haven't cared for a couple of years now and Harrower Squad is kind of a wash that could really use more exciting art.

I am excited for the new year tho'. Lawless, Death Cap and Rok of the Reds, which I haven't had a chance to read yet. That's gonna be the good stuff.

However, all that in mind, I do want to take a moment to mention maybe my favorite surprise bit of the year, which is the Durham Red pages in that Ennis/Flint Strontium Dog story in the Xmas prog. Because man... man.

I can't exactly put my finger on it, but those two pages were the single hottest, sexiest, most alluring thing in comics in the entire year for me. Just the absolute pitch-perfect picture of a random encounter in the dingy bathroom of a shitty nightclub with a 15/10 baddie who has something fucked up about her and you never see her again but you think about her for the rest of your life.

That one's gonna stay with me for a while, squaxx.

[fivepoint-12]

People didn’t choose “grocery prices” over your rights. They chose many things including the cost of living over your delusions aka trans “rights” and especially involving children, death squads, prog policy in general, DEI and socialism actually working.

[hananoami]

[ Directional Orbit ] Light - Stage 110 Clear VOD

On Sunday, 05/12 I have successfully cleared Xavier's Directional Orbit: Light - Stage 110 after being stuck on it for over 3 weeks! Ahhh~ it feels so good to finally be able to clear this fight!! As I mentioned in my most recent orbit prog notes a LOT of resources were dedicated into making this clear happen... literally weeks worth of using my stamina to gather core energy materials/gold, waiting for the right protocores to come along, and then countless hours of trial and error. To review-- this stage requires two teams: Team 01's Protofield Stellactrum requires 6-Amber memories. Team 02's Protofield Stellactrum requires 6-Emerald memories. I'll include below the final teams set up and stat attributes list I used for this clear. Sorry there isn't any audio in my clear video. IDK what happened.

The first half with team 01 wasn't so bad. I was able to consistently clear the stage without too much of a hassle. The part I struggled the most on was in the second half with team 02. Despite me using the Hunter Claymore and relatively high leveled memories I was still lacking in damage, with me having around ~1 full HP bar when the timer ran out. Ngl, It was kinda frustrating, but what can you do. I didn't really want to level up my 4-stars memories past level 70. I was saving my leveling resources for Xavier's Shimmering Moonlight memories-- so getting [Romantic Afternoon] or [Fluffy Trap] to 80 wasn't really an option either. So it was a level up my protocores angle. At the beginning of my attempts at this stage my protocores were all around +9. My goal was to push them to +12, but that also requires a lot of resources as I've said before. Was it worth it? Yeah, I'd say so. TLDR; if you've exhausted most of your resources and aren't sure how to make up your damage consider upgrading your protocores. Protocore farming is end game content, but even if you don't think you're there yet by simply doing your 1 Core Hunt daily task a day will help you in the long run. Slowly building up your core energy supply is vital to this game if you're looking to push higher stages.

ADDITIONAL SCREENSHOTS

Team A team set-up and stat attributes

Weapon: Luminescence Blade Companion: Xavier's Lightseeker ♡ Affinity Bonus: 87 When you take a fatal blow, Xavier teleports to you, blocks a hit, and counter attacks. Enemies will be knocked back. [ HP 3400 || DEF 85 || ATK 170 ] Pair Bonus [SN] - Starting Effect: increases team DMG by 5%. - Duo Rank 1: boosts Ardent Oath charge by 10%. - Duo Rank 2: reduces squad DMG taken by 5%. - Duo Rank 3: increases squad DMG by 5%.

4☆ Shining Traces (amber/solar) Lv 60 rank 3 using +9 SSR protocores

4☆ Shining Light (amber/solar) Lv 60 rank 3 using +9 SSR protocores

5☆ Tender Night (amber/lunar) Lv 70 rank 1 using +12 SSR protocores

5☆ Heartstrings Symphony (amber/lunar) Lv 70 using +9 SSR protocores

5☆ Faint Sensation (amber/lunar) Lv 60 using +9 SSR protocores

5☆ Fragment of Time (amber/lunar) Lv 60 using +9 SSR protocores

Team B team set-up and stat attributes

Weapon: Hunter Claymore Companion: Xavier's Lightseeker ♡ Affinity Bonus: 87 When you take a fatal blow, Xavier teleports to you, blocks a hit, and counter attacks. Enemies will be knocked back. [ HP 3400 || DEF 85 || ATK 170 ] Pair Bonus [LS] - Starting Effect: increases team DMG by 8%, and reduces team DMG taken by 8%. When fighting together with Foreseer, your Active Skill DMG is increased by 25%.

5☆ Lightseeking Shadowrend (emerald/solar) Lv 80/awakened using +9 and +12 protocores

5☆ Lightseeking Obsession (emerald/solar) Lv 8 rank 3 using +12 SSR protocores

5☆ Romantic Afternoon (emerald/lunar) Lv 70 rank 1 using +9 and +12 protocores

5☆ Fluffy Trap (emerald/lunar) Lv 60 using +9 protocores

4☆ A Captured Moment (emerald/lunar) Lv 60 rank 3 using +9 protocores

4☆ Close Feelings (emerald/lunar) Lv 60 rank 3 using +9 and +12 protocores

[aetherforce98]

Introduction

Name: Ben/Benny

Nicknames: Angus

Pronouns: He/Him

Gender: Male

Likes: Writing, Worldbuilding, RP, Crossovers, my Companions, Spyro/TLOS/Skylanders, Ratchet & Clank, Assassin's Creed, Marvel, DC, Hedgehogs, Dragons

Dislikes: Being abandoned, ignorance, ableism, bigotry

About Mun - I'm trying to become the next J.R.R. Tolkien, I'm proudly 100% Scottish according to myself. I've got both ADD and ASD. I grew up the 1990s and dearly miss the good ol' days. I grew up playing Spyro, that's why I adore him so much.

Writing Works:

Spyro the Dragon Redux

Spyro & Blaze: Power of Purple

Spyro the Dragon 2 Redux

Spyro the Dragon 3: Year of the Dragon Redux

Spyro the Dragon 4: Hall of the Gods

The Legend of Spyro: Shadow of Cynder

The Legend of Spyro: Gaul's Revenge

The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon

Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure

Skylanders: Rise of the Giants

Skylanders: Swap Force

Skylanders: Trap Team

Skylanders: Return of the Dragon King

Skylanders: SuperChargers

Skylanders: Imaginators

Skylanders: Zodiac Squad

Spyro Generations

Spyro and the Ancient Runes

Spyro & Crash Team Racing

Crash Team Rumble

Sonic 3 Novelization

Skylanders: Ring of Heroes Novelization

Creator of:

Kulo the Dragon (Spyro! variant)

Marius Aquarius (Gill Grunt! variant)

Sherriff Bullseye (Trigger Happy! variant)

Kaimare (Malefor! variant)

Sienna Walton (Scarlet Witch! variant)

Princess Elyssa II Amastacia (Skylanders OC)

Lady Lucilla Tepes (Skylanders OC)

Maddy the Hedgehog (Sonic OC)

Power-Fist (Skylanders OC)

Mementos (Skylanders OC)

Marduk Prog (Ratchet & Clank OC)

Sir Artur (Sonic! variant)

Shade (Shadow! variant)

[cinemaglow]

The perer gable post has 2015 prog squad energy it's making me nostalgic

[microscotch]

I was tagged by @platinumaspiration, @venriliz & @kestrelteens!! >:) thanks for thinking of me!!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? NONE i want my sims to be well and alive!!!!! well, from a pure comedy pov i find death by exhaustion hilar if it’s the direct result of two elders getting steamy.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? i genuinely like both, but i’ve been leaning pretty maxis match in the recent years!

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? nope.

4. Do you use move objects? ya! constantly! 

5. Favorite mod? story prog def, love that i can focus on the household(s) i like without constantly having to manually update other ones i dont like playing with!

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? GLAMOUR LIFE STUFF OUT OF EVERYTHING

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? (a)LIVE on national television

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? my first ever sim bea! who was way too successful as a romance sim for the way bebe me styled her, to the point where she only had like three simultaneous marriages.

9. Have you made a simself? i sure did at i THINK 11, and i sure used face 1 for it. i even remember the exact raonjena hair i used! 👱🏻‍♀️

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? foodie, creative, vegetarian, child of the ocean, & animal enthusiast 🐶

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? ginger!

12. Favorite EA hair? dat one! 💞

13. Favorite life stage? while adults come with the widest array of just things you can do with them, i love the transition from child to teen bc ure getting the first good look at their features and a better sense of how ur sim will be acting for the rest of his life.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? gameplay definitely.

15. Are you a CC creator? occasionally! 

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? yep i do! 👶

17. What’s your favorite game? ts2 hands down, each game comes with its own strengths, but ts2, to me, has remained the most fun to play in the long haul due to its pacing & there NEVER being a shortage of ridic events. i do like exploring the other games, tho! 

18. Do you have any sims merch? not yet! 

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? nah.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? like mentioned above, storyprog has been a huge game changer in being able to drive a hood forward while just focusing on the households that i enjoy, thats really been the number one change.

21. What’s your Origin ID? 🧍‍♂️

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? no no no do not make me choose like that, there are far too many that i adore!! 

23. How long have you had a simblr? 4-5 years by now! time flies :o

24. How do you edit your pictures? too inconsistently to detail.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? dude ts4 is oversaturated enough w content rn, id rather prefer them to make it less of a buggy mess.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? ALRIGHT *cracks knuckles* nightlife for ts2, world adventures for ts3 aaand pets for ts4!! 

im tagging U! 👇

[maguneedsalife]

Savage Prog Diary - P12S

May 23rd - after almost a year of prog, the dipshit brigade's long journey to the bottom of pandaemonium finally draws to a close.

THE DIPSHIT BRIGADE HAS CLEARED ANABAESIOS (SAVAGE)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i had to healer lb3. 2 people accidentally alt tabbed. we almost didn't make it through the last mechanic but the 3 people who were still alive cooked and we fucking did it.

i cried for like 20 minutes

i didnt win the mount but i did roll a 99 on the music, which figures

we'll be back here next week to hopefully get a few more axolotls for the squad before summer vacation scheduling gets wacky. It'll be a bit until I can truly say I'm done with this fight, but MAN it feels good to know we finally saw the end.

when i started playing ffxiv i had no plans to pursue the harder content. i'd seen my husband do WoW raiding and didn't want that for myself. i was afraid of being the one holding the group back - I didn't want to play a support role for the same reason. i never imagined i would clear an entire savage tier, at level, AS A HEALER

don't let your dreams be memes. with enough practice you can do ANYTHING. the axolotl is out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[twinkrundgren]

how? how bad are ELP fans??? pls help ;w; am confused?

theres a prominent member in the ELP fandom right now who is a really gross person thats groomed some younger fans as well as sexualizing and fetishizing keith emerson in prominent spaces esp among minors. auroreamethyste is the url.

i tried to warn people about it, analog-machine basically called us liars and tried to spread rumors i was a terrible person, and next thing i knew all the new ELP fans who followed me were interacting with either aurore or analog and i cannot in good faith be involved with a fandom so dedicated to protecting aurore and analog's cult of personality

everyone in that fandom seems to encourage the kids to draw NSFW content and i've heard bad things about pedophiles in progsquad ii (not affiliated with me, i told analog to fuck off with associating with my former prog squad if she wanted aurore in there)

also honestly in the past the worst people i've ever met were ELP fans but this time it's actually really disturbing and analog-machine seems totally okay with it

[pcwpolwrestling]

11/30-PCW Extreme Political TV

Last Week on PCW Extreme Political TV: -MATCH #1 (joined in progress): Dave McCormick (PA-Amer Patriots) defeated Bob Casey (PA-Prog Alliance) -Incoming CEO of PCW Donald Trump enters the arena accompanied by Elon Musk, Robert F. Kennedy, Tulsi Gabbard, J.D. Vance, and Mike Johnson. -A quick look-in at The View where Sunny Hostin has to read a ‘legal note.’ -State of California Commercial -A young couple virtue signals about paying their bills on time. -MATCH #2: The SEC Squad defeated The Buffet Club -MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski explain why they visited with Donald Trump and gets jumped by Keith Olbermann and Rosie O’Donnell -Berkeley, California Professor McCarthy then shows up waving his ‘good book’ and stating anyone who doesn’t confirm to the orthodoxy must be shouted down. -Virtue signaling man not feeling well but still going to work anyways. -PSA for Late Night talk show hosts -American Patriot Senators Lisa Murkowski (Alaska), Susan Collins (Maine), John Curtis (Utah), and McConnell (Kentucky) attack and throw Matt Gaetz (Florida) off the Eagle’s Nest to the arena floor. Pam Bondi then runs in and takes them out with steel-folding chair shots. -More virtue signaling -New Bud Light commercial -PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell cuts a promo over his win against Kevin Daniels. He’s then attacked by Neal Conn and Hallie Burton. -Epilogue- Kamala Harris has the hat out looking for donations to cover the 20 million debt she left behind after her campaign.

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Political TV PCW Headquarters Somewhere in the Heartland Saturday November 30th, 2024

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low-Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

PCW Champion: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) Since 2/10/2024 Contenders: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) Mike the Mechanic (Main Street USA)

PCW Women’s Champion: Catherine Cline (Independent) Since 9/21/2024 Contenders: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) Laura Brobert (American Patriots) ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (Main Street USA)

PCW Tag Team Champions: Starz N. Stripes and ‘The One-Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism- Since 3/3/2024 (American Patriots) Contenders: The Deplorables: Ray McAvay/’Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition) The Green World Order: GreenPete/’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) The Sports Entertainment Corporation: Gator Bates/The Alabama Kid Bi-Partisan Dream Team: Blue Dog D/RINO Main Street USA: Ken Worth-American Trucker/Farmer John Deer Wall Street World: Kirk Walstreit/P.M.C. Banks

Opening: The studio lights flare to life, illuminating Johnny Suave’s perfectly coiffed hair as he stands before a wall emblazoned with the PCW logo. His trademark smirk plays at the corners of his mouth as he adjusts his tie, preparing to deliver the news that will set the wrestling world ablaze.

Johnny Suave: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thanksgiving!  Welcome to our special two-hour Thanksgiving special.  Tonight, we’ve got a feast of political pandemonium that’ll make your family dinner look like a tea party!

He pauses, savoring the moment. In his mind, he can already hear the roar of the crowd, the chants echoing through the arena. This is what he lives for.

Johnny Suave: We’re serving up all three PCW CEO matches featuring our new big cheese, the new CEO of PCW, Donald Trump! And let me tell you, folks, this story’s got more twists than a pretzel factory!  We’ve got Trump’s 2016 win over Hillary Clinton.  We’ve got Trump’s loss by proxy to Joe Biden in 2020.  And then we’ve got Trump going over Kamala Harris in 2024.

Suave leans in conspiratorially, his voice dropping to a stage whisper.

Johnny Suave: Remember 2016? No one thought Donald Trump had a chance in hell to defeat Hillary Clinton. When Trump clotheslined Clinton right out of the Oval Office? Nobody saw that coming! It was like Stone Chism pulling off an Anti-Hollywood Blockbuster on the entire Democratic party!”

He straightens up, gesturing grandly.

Johnny Suave: Well, buckle up, buttercup, ’cause we’re taking you back to where it all began. PCW Extreme Election Night 2016… Donald Trump versus Hillary Clinton.

***

The 2016 Battle for PCW CEO-Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) vs. Donald Trump (American Patriots)Back to Suave and Colleen at the broadcast desk with the crowd buzzing in anticipation for the PCW CEO showdown that’s just mere moments away.

Johnny Suave: Johnny Suave back with the low-level reporter trying to make a name for herself at the New York Times Colleen Crowder…

Colleen Crowder: Do you have to say it like that?

Johnny Suave: …and we are just about ready for the big match to determine who will become the next PCW CEO.

Both Clinton and Trump supporters rise to their feet, holding up their pro-Clinton and pro-Trump signs and shouting dueling chants of ‘I’M WITH HER!’ and ‘TRUMP…TRUMP…TRUMP!’ back and forth at each other.

Johnny Suave (talking louder): Joining us now is Five Thirty Eight’s Nate Silver.  Silver, of course, boldly predicted four years ago at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 that Triple R would win the PCW Title and Barack Obama would win a second four year run as PCW CEO.

The camera pans to the right and adds Silver to the picture.

Johnny Suave: Nate, thanks for joining us.

Nate Silver: My pleasure, Johnny.

Johnny Suave: Your insight on what you think will happen tonight.

Nate Silver: Well Johnny.  As of right now, I believe Hillary Clinton has a 70% chance of winning this match.  I think it’ll be close.  But I think the distinct trend is towards Hillary right now.

Colleen Crowder: Nate, I think you’re being too cautious.  The New York Times believes that Hillary Clinton’s chances of becoming the first ever woman to become PCW CEO is around 85%.  There’s simply no way that Trump will win this match tonight.

Nate Silver: I wouldn’t go that far Colleen.  Yes, I believe Hillary Clinton is the clear favorite here tonight. But, I still maintain that the match will be closer than most think it will.  There’s still a path for a possible Trump victory.  For starters, Clinton doesn’t have the solid advantage that Barack Obama had against Mitt Romney four years ago.

Colleen Crowder: Yeah but that’s not the narrative we’re running with.  Hillary Clinton will win this match tonight because Trump is not qualified to be PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: You know Colleen, narrative-driven news is to journalism what World Wrestling Entertainment is to the sport of wrestling.

Once she comprehends what Suave has just said to her, Colleen glares at him and her eyes shoot daggers through Suave.  She grits her teeth.

Colleen Crowder (slowly): Eighty…five…percent…

Johnny Suave: We’d better get to the ring.  Kimber Marshall, take it away!

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen.  This next match will determine who will become the next CEO of Political Championship Wrestling!

“I’M WITH HER!…I’M WITH HER!”

“TRUMP!  TRUMP!  TRUMP!”

Kimber Marshall: Introducing first…

The lights cut out and music starts…

DUH.

DUH.

DUH.

DUH-DUH-DUHHHH

DUH-DUH-DUHHHHH.

Dressed in all black complete with a flowing black cape, Donald Trump and his manager Kellyanne Conway walk out on stage to a big ovation from the American Patriots.  Some of the more official types of the American Patriots…ie…John McCain, Susan Collins, and Rick Perry, who sit down front close to ringside, don’t seem overly enthusiastic with their support.

Back on stage, the leader of the American Patriots Reince Priebus filters in behind along with PCW Executive Committee member Paul Ryan.

Johnny Suave: Trump looks particularly sinister tonight!

Colleen Crowder: It’s hideous Johnny.  Simply hideous.  We really need Hillary to win.

Conway leads the way as Trump, black robe ruffling behind him as he strides, makes his way down the steps from the stage and heads toward the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Residing in the Trump Tower in the great city of New York, New York!  He promises to…

The Trump supporters shout out: “MAKE PCW GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: Managed tonight by Kellyanne Conway, accompanied by his Second in Command Mike Pence, and representing the American Patriots!  LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  DONALD J. TRUMP!

Again, the Trump Supporters let loose with thunderous roar that shakes the building.  Trump nods and acknowledges the fans.

Johnny Suave: Donald Trump climbs into the ring.  Can be make history of his own here tonight by becoming the next PCW CEO?

Colleen Crowder: NO!  I mean, David Brooks from the New York Times is a conservative and even he doesn’t think Donald Trump should be PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: David Brooks is conservative for the New York Times, yes.

The supporters “TRUMP!  TRUMP! TRUMP!” chant merges with the Imperial March and becomes:

“TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP”

Trump holds the ring ropes open for Kellyanne Conway to slip through.  Pence, Priebus and Ryan join them.

Kimber Marshall: And his opponent.

Imperial March- off…

♫ What happened at the New Wil’ins?  Bitch, I’m back, by popular demand ♫

…Beyonce’s ‘Formation’- on.  The house lights cut out and then start flashing to the beat causing the Progressive Alliance fans to leap out of their seats.

Quick cut to the upper section where Amy Schumer and Chelsea Handler are dancing on their chairs, Miley Cyrus is on the table twerking, and Madonna…well, we don’t really want to know what she’s doing right now.

Kimber Marshall (loudly over the blaring music): Managed by Robby Mook and accompanied by her Second in Command Tim Kaine,  Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, and her husband…FORMER PCW CEO William Jefferson Clinton!

Beyonce comes out on stage lip-synching to her song.  She and Jay-Z lead the parade to the ring.  Next out, Mook, Wasserman-Shultz, and Bill Clinton.

Kimber Marshall: From Chappaqua, New York.  Representing the Progressive Alliance!

Next out, Bill and Hillary’s daughter Chelsea Clinton.

Kimber Marshall: And vying to make history by becoming the first ever woman to become CEO of PCW!

Finally, Hillary Clinton walks out wearing a white pants suit.

Kimber Marshall: PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR…HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON!

The A-List celebrities in the top section of Hack’s stand up and shout.  On the floor, the Progressive Alliance section is simply rocking.  Hillary Clinton signs bobbing up and down, moving left to right as Beyonce continues to lip synch her song and dance down the aisle.

Reaching the ring, Hillary climbs up the steps first and ducks into the ring, followed by her husband and daughter.

Johnny Suave: Oh wow!  Listen to that ovation for Hillary Clinton.  Both sides are geared up for what promises to be an incredible match.

Colleen Crowder: Again Johnny.  According to the New York Times calculations, it’s going to be an early night, it’s going to be a quick match, because Donald Trump has no chance to defeat Hillary Clinton.

Johnny Suave: Nate?

Nate Silver: The odds are definitely in Ms. Clinton’s favor but I won’t go that far to say that he has no chance.

Johnny Suave: Thanks for your insight.  Nate Silver, everyone.  Let’s take it back to the ring and the referee in charge of this match- Corrina Romanov.

The name Romanov causes Colleen to cock her head quizzically to the side.

Romanov enters the ring wearing the appropriate white and black striped referee’s shirt and black pants.  A former wrestler of her own right, she gets a healthy round of applause from the patrons of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Colleen Crowder: Hold on…isn’t she like- Russian?

Romanov goes over to Trump and does the usual pre-match check.

Johnny Suave: She is.  So what?

Then Romanov walks over to Clinton’s corner and does the same.

Colleen Crowder: Nothing.  It’s just…strange…that PCW would assign a Russian referee for this match.

Johnny Suave: Nah, you’re overthinking this.  Hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen.  We are just about ready to go.

Satisfied, Romanov turns to the bell table and calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: And here we go!

“I’M WITH HER! I’M WITH HER!…” 

Johnny Suave: LISTEN TO THE DUELLING CHANTS!

“TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!…”

Johnny Suave: THE NOISE IS JUST DEAFENING IN HERE!

Both Trump and Clinton cautiously walk forward from their respective corners and circle each other in the middle of the ring.

Then out of nowhere, Clinton drives a knee to the balls.  Trump crumples over.  And the Progressive Alliance section goes nuts.

Johnny Suave: CLINTON DRAWS FIRST BLOOD!

Clinton whips Trump into her corner where he’s greeted with a few forearm shots from her husband Bill.  He lays in more big forearms on Trump.  Hillary follows up with some knife-edge chops.  Trump then whips Clinton across the ring into the opposite corner.

Johnny Suave: Trump sends Clinton for the ride…

Trump sets up for a backdrop but Clinton flips over him and then delivers a punt kick to the jewels.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Dropping to his knees, Trump’s face scrunches in pain.  Clinton moves behind him.  Basement dropkick to the back sends Trump down face first to the mat.  She rolls him over for a cover.

One.

Tw-

Johnny Suave: Easy kick out for Donald Trump.

Debbie Wasserman-Shultz shouts at the referee and then slams her hand down on the mat in the same rapid-fire fashion she’d done when Hillary defeated Bernie Sanders in Philadelphia.

Colleen Crowder: That was a slow count.

Johnny Suave: Any count is slow compared to what Wasserman-Shultz did to Sanders.

Trump fights back to his feet and tries to stop the momentum.  But Clinton scratches his eyes and then hits a knee to the gut.  Russian Leg Sweep follows and Trump is right back on the ground.  Clinton again makes the cover but Trump out of nowhere pushes her off and then rolls her up.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP REVERSES.  COVER!

The American Patriots rise up in anticipation.

One

Two.

Johnny Suave: NO!  HILLARY GRABBED THE BOTTOM ROPE!

Romanov calls for a break.  While she tries to get Hillary to let go of the bottom rope, Bill Clinton sneaks in and pokes Trump in the eye.  He recoils back and covers his eye.

Johnny Suave: She’s not letting go of the rope.  WHAT?

What?  Suave does a doubletake when Captain America…yes…Captain America runs down and slides into the ring.

Johnny Suave: What the hell is this?

Colleen Crowder: It’s Captain America.

Johnny Suave: I know it’s Captain America.  Why is Captain America in the ring?

Trump staggers back.  Captain America takes his shield and then blasts him in the back of the head with it.

Johnny Suave: Oh…that’s why.

Captain America stares at the downed Trump, who’s holding his head from the shield shot.  He then pulls off his mask.

Colleen Crowder: Hey!  That’s Chris Evans from the Avengers movie!

Johnny Suave: Where is the referee?

Referee Corrina Romanov is in deep conversation with ABC’s Martha Raddatz at the edge of the ring.

Johnny Suave: MARTHA RADDATZ IS AT RINGSIDE?  WHAT IS SHE DOING?

Suave sees Evans pick up the shield.

Johnny Suave: What is he doing?

Evans places the Captain America shield in Trump’s groin area.  Then Iron Man jumps into the ring carrying a bowling ball bag.

Johnny Suave: WHAT IS IRON MAN DOING HERE?

Iron Man (okay… it’s really Robert Downey, Jr. playing Iron Man) takes the bowling ball bag, lifts it in the air, and slams it into the shield.

*CLANK*

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Crowd: Oooooooooohhhhh!

Trump rolls back and forth in excruciating pain.

Johnny Suave: KELLYANNE CONWAY IS ON THE RING APRON SCREAMING AT CORRINA ROMANOV!

Finally, Conway gets Romanov’s attention and the referee refocuses her attention back to the match and sees Evans and Downey in the ring.  She immediately chases both Hollywood stars from the ring.  Which, of course, allows Hillary to indulge in a little blatant choking while the referee continues to be distracted.

Colleen Crowder: I’ve changed my mind.  I now believe that Hillary Clinton has a 90% chance of winning.  She’s totally dominating him.

Clinton uses the boots to deliver a shot to the gut and another.   Trump finally trips Clinton up and sends her to the mat.

Johnny Suave: Big boot by Trump knocks Clinton off her feet.  But there’s a lot of worried faces at ringside.

Quick cut to the American Patriots section.  Reince Priebus brings a hand to his chin.  Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell both watch the action with extremely concerned expressions on their face.

Back to the ring where Clinton has gone over and talks with Robby Mook.

Johnny Suave: Bad idea.  She can’t give Trump time to recover like that.

Trump pulls himself back up again.  He goes right over to Hillary and they trade forearm strikes.  Trump whips her into the corner and then catches Clinton on the rebound with a Bulldog.

Clinton tries to whip Trump to her corner but Trump blocks, lifts Hillary up, bringing her legs off the ground, and falls backward to the mat sending her back-first to the mat.

Johnny Suave: SIDEWALK SLAM BY TRUMP.  HE COVERS.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: WHAT THE HELL IS CNN’S ANDERSON COOPER DOING IN THE RING?

Just as Corrina Romanov starts to lower her hand down for three, Anderson Cooper bolts into the ring out of the blue and pushes Trump off of Clinton.

Johnny Suave: COOPER MAKES THE SAVE!

Colleen Crowder: Maybe we should reduce the chances of Hillary winning back to 85%.

While Hillary scoots back to her corner, Trump gets into Romanov’s face and argues about the count.   He doesn’t see Bill Clinton sneaking up from behind.  Bill tries to whip Trump into Hillary’s corner.  Trump reverses and goes for a big boot to the face.  But Bill ducks, boots Trump in the gut, and then hits a spinning neckbreaker.

Johnny Suave: Bill Clinton fires up the crowd and now he’s going for scoop slam!

Clinton goes to lift Trump up but he doesn’t see trouble brewing behind him.  Two women from his past.

Johnny Suave: THAT’S KATHLEEN WILLEY AND PAULA JONES!  TWO WOMEN WITH HUGE ISSUES WITH BOTH BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON!

Colleen Crowder: What are they doing in the ring?

At once, the crowd noise jumps dramatically which causes Bill to wonder what’s going on.  Finally, his innate curiosity wins out so he turns around and gets an unpleasant surprise.  His eyes widen and the crowd goes wild.

Johnny Suave: Nowhere to run!  Nowhere to hide!

Colleen Crowder: That’s not fair!  They’re interfering in the match!

Johnny Suave: Here we go!

Willey and Jones take Bill by each arm and fling him into the corner turnbuckle.  Bill ‘stumbles’ and falls forward head first into the turnbuckle.  He flips up and over the turnbuckle, tries to snag the top rope, misses, and tumbles down to the floor.

Johnny Suave: RIC FLAIR FLIP!

On the floor, Bill then gets back on his feet…takes two steps…stops…and then flops face first back to the floor.

Johnny Suave: RIC FLAIR FLOP!

Back in the ring, Hillary comes off the ropes and leaps onto Trump’s back.

Johnny Suave: SLEEPER HOLD!

Colleen Crowder: YES!  COME ON HILLARY!

Trump spins to try and dislodge Hillary from his back.  Unfortunately, he loses his balance and ends up on the mat.  Hillary wastes no time in making the cover.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: Trump kicks out.  He’s trying to regain his bearings and…why is the referee talking to the Clinton corner again?

This time, Romanov is having a heated conversation with Hillary’s manager Robby Mook and MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow.  While they’re distracting the referee, Chelsea Clinton slides a steel chain over to her mother who quickly wraps it around Trump’s neck.

Johnny Suave: AND NOW SHE’S GOT THAT STEEL CHAIN AROUND HIS NECK!

Colleen Crowder: Sleeper hold.

Trump’s face turns bright red as the chain is wrapped tightly and cutting off his oxygen.

Johnny Suave: BULL-*BLEEP*!  THAT’S A BLATANT CHOKE!  SHE’S TRYING TO CHOKE DONALD TRUMP OUT!

While Trump desperately tries to loosen the chain around his neck, yet another person races down the aisle towards the ring.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE?  THAT’S FOX NEWS’S CHRIS WALLACE!

Wallace jumps up on the ring apron, grabs Romanov, and spins her around.  He points at Hillary who’s still trying strangle Trump with a steel chain.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing?  Chris Wallace has no business butting his head into this match.

Johnny Suave: And CNN’s Anderson Cooper and ABC’s Martha Raddatz didn’t do the exact same thing?

Colleen Crowder: That’s different.  Everyone knows Fox News is biased towards the American Patriots!

Romanov immediately acts.  She pushes Clinton back, breaking the choke hold.  Then Romanov literally rips the chain out of Hillary’s hands and tosses it out of the ring.

Colleen Crowder: The Russian referee is exerting too much influence on this match which means Vladimir Putin is trying to affect the results!

Johnny Suave: Um…Corrina Romanov just enforced the rules because, newsflash, even PCW has rules.

Colleen Crowder: But Vladimir Putin-

Johnny Suave: Is this another narrative or…

There’s a collective gasp inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen Crowder: What.

Colleen turns her attention back to the ring and immediately shoots up from her chair in full righteous indignation mode.

Colleen Crowder: THAT’S NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Johnny Suave: TESTICULAR CLAW!  TRUMP IS USING THE TESTICULAR CLAW!

The reaction is instantaneous and the fun really begins.  An enraged Colleen Crowder literally jumps up on the broadcast table and points at Trump.

Colleen Crowder: DISQUALIFY HIM!  DISQUALIFY HIM!

The Clinton team are stunned.  Without hesitation, they all charge the ring.

The Progressive Alliance are stunned.  Disgusted.  Repulsed.  Suddenly, the likes of Chuck Schumer, Elizabeth Warren, and Nancy Pelosi charge the ring.

The media are stunned.  Revolted.  Aggrieved.   Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman pile into the ring.

Colleen Crowder: HE SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED!

Even some members of the American Patriots are stunned.  Appalled.  Queasy.  John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring and a huge scrum explodes.

Johnny Suave: IT’S HIT THE FAN NOW!

Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Johnny Suave: This is just a mob scene!

Colleen Crowder: WHY HASN’T THE REFEREE DISQUALIFIED HIM?

Johnny Suave (sarcastically): Maybe Vladimir Putin told her not to.

Colleen Crowder: SEE!  I TOLD YOU!

Johnny Suave: Trump is getting no help from the American Patriots either!

Cut to Paul Ryan.  He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring.   Mitch McConnell?  He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found.

The rest of the establishment?  Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

♫ Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of angry men…♫

Quick cut to the Les Miserables section.  What had been a full section of people is now half empty.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE!

‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people sitting in their section.

Johnny Suave: It’s the LES MISERABLES!

Colleen Crowder: I’m confused Are they coming to help Clinton?

Bryan hops up on the ring apron.  He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back.

Johnny Suave:  BRYAN TOSSES MILBANK OUT!

Bert the Janitor tosses McAvay a Big Bertha Driver.

Johnny Suave: MCAVAY HAS THE BIG BERTHA!

*THWACK*

Johnny Suave: DOWN GOES CHUCK SCHUMER!

*THWACK^

Johnny Suave: DOWN GOES LINDSEY GRAHAM!

Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd.  He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring.

Johnny Suave: AND HERE COMES CHARLIE BLACKWELL!

Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair. and starts taking people out left and right.

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: BLACKWELL NAILS PAUL KRUGMAN WITH THE CHAIR!

Blackwell turns and swings the chair again.

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: CNN’s DON LEMON GOES DOWN!

*CLANG*

Johnny Suave: HE GOT JEB BUSH TOO!

Colleen Crowder: WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Johnny Suave: THEY’RE CLEANING HOUSE!

The rest of the Les Miserables climb through the ropes and suddenly there’s a lot of people in close quarters.

Colleen Crowder: DEPLORABLE!

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Les Miserables inside.

Colleen Crowder: THESE PEOPLE ARE DEPLORABLE!  WHAT ARE ALL THESE DEPLORABLE PEOPLE DOING IN THE RING?

Johnny Suave: Actually, they’re Les Miserables.

Colleen Crowder: AND WHY HASN’T THE REFEREE DISQUALIFIED TRUMP FOR THIS BLATANT OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE? THERE IS NO WAY THIS MATCH-

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle.  The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Crowder pulls at her hair.

Colleen Crowder: NOOOOOOOOOO!

In the midst of the chaos caused when the Les Miserables invaded the ring, Trump took one of Hillary’s legs, turned it 90 degrees, grabbed her other leg and crossed it with the other.  Then he put one foot in between, the other on the other leg, and bridged over to lock in the figure-four.

To make matters worse, Trump had her smack dab in the middle of the ring- a long, long way from help.

Johnny Suave: HOW ARE HER CHANCES LOOKING NOW?

Colleen remains defiant.

Colleen Crowder: Sixty-five percent, Johnny.  I’m still quite confident Hillary will win if the Russian referee would actually DO HER JOB!

The Progressive Alliance contingent charge forward but the Les Miserables protecting the ring stop them in their tracks.

Colleen Crowder: Okay…maybe fifty-five percent- COME ON!

Clinton closes her eyes and sits up.  She takes a couple swipes at Trump and then falls backwards.

Johnny Suave: Is Hillary going to tap out?

Colleen Crowder: NEVER!

Hillary reaches for the ropes but she’s too far away.

Johnny Suave: What do you say now?

Colleen Crowder: Fifty-fifty.

As the pain registers all over Clinton’s face, for the first time a realization comes over the folks sitting in the Progressive Alliance section that she could lose this.

Johnny Suave: Are you sure about that?

Colleen Crowder: (whispers incoherently)

Johnny Suave: Didn’t hear you.

Colleen Crowder: I SAID SIXTY PERCENT FOR TRUMP!  JESUS, HE COULD WIN THIS THING!

The camera pans through the Progressive Alliance section of the bar.  Jaws dropped.  Shocked expressions.  Hands on cheeks.

Johnny Suave: Do I hear seventy percent…seventy-five percent?  Going once.  Going twice.  Going-

Colleen Crowder: SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT FOR TRUMP.  (shouts to no one in particular)  COME ON!  ANYONE?  DO SOMETHING?

Over the loudspeaker, the opening notes to the Fleetwood Mac classic “Don’t Stop” began to play.

Johnny Suave: Wait a minute! I know that song.

A man dressed in a flannel shirt, holding a mocha in one hand and a Singapore cane in the other, steps out of the shadows on the second level of the bar.

Johnny Suave: And I know that guy!  HE’S BACK!

The crowd merrily sings along to the Fleetwood Mac song as the man dressed in flannel started towards the stage.

Colleen Crowder: Hold on.  Is that who I think it is?

Johnny Suave:  It is.

As the sing along continues, the man holds up his mocha, contained inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable cup of course, and chugs it down.

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN,’ TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN,’ INSANE SINGAPORE CANE SWINGING ALPHA MALE AND EXTREME ENVIRONMENTAL HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!

Colleen Crowder: YES!

Gore crushes the paper cup on his forehead in an alpha manly fashion.  Gore then spews the mocha out of his mouth like a geyser going off and sprays several tables in close proximity.

Colleen Crowder: Look at the expression on the Trump Team’s faces!

The camera cuts over to Kellyanne Conway and Mike Pence.  They’re not paying any attention.

Johnny Suave: Um…they’re not paying attention.

Colleen Crowder: Well…THEY SHOULD BE!

Gore moves up to the steps leading down and turns around to face the Progressive Alliance section.  He pulls out another cup of mocha and holds it high in the air.  Again, Gore chugs down the mocha, crushes the container against his forehead, and spits the mocha onto several tables.

Colleen Crowder: …if he ever gets to the ring.

Back in the ring, Referee Corrina Romanov maneuvers around, watching for any sign of a tap out.  Mook, Kaine, Bill Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Wasserman-Shultz, blocked from the ring by the Les Miserables watch helplessly.  Hillary falls back again and her strength wanes.

Johnny Suave: Trump is THIS close to winning!

Colleen Crowder: Son of a bitch.  Ninety percent chance for Trump to win.

Colleen shouts up at Gore.

Colleen Crowder: HURRY UP!

Gore makes it downstairs.  He stops and pulls out another cup of mocha.

Colleen Crowder: SON OF A BITCH!  AL, WOULD YOU GET TO THE RING ALREADY?

Johnny Suave: HILLARY’S RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

Again, Gore chugs down the mocha, crushes the container against his forehead…

Colleen Crowder (lamenting): He’s not going to get to the ring in time, is he?

Johnny Suave: Nope.

…and spits the mocha towards the ring just as Hillary slaps her hand on the mat.

Johnny Suave: SHE TAPPED OUT!  THAT’S IT!

Colleen Crowder: NOOOOOOOO!

Romanov calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: TRUMP WINS!  TRUMP WINS!

Colleen Crowder: Oh…my…God.

Johnny Suave: The next CEO of PCW is Donald J. Trump!

The camera cuts to outside the ring.  Now that Trump’s won and it’s ‘safe,’ Paul Ryan is slowly edging his way back towards the action.

Johnny Suave: And the conservative chickens have come home to roost!

Mitch McConnell races by Ryan, actually he knocks Ryan out of his way, cheering and pumping his fist in the air.  However, others sitting with the rest of the American Patriot supporters aren’t so sure about what just took place.

The Les Miserables at ringside have no inhibition about celebrating.  Blackwell, Bryan, and McAvay find themselves in the midst of a big time party.

Panning back to the Progressive Alliance section- soul-crushing sadness among Hillary’s supporters is the prevalent feeling.

The majority of the people on hand begin to sing: “Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye” and wave goodbye to the Hollywood celebs who said they would leave the country if Trump won.

Johnny Suave: After everything that’s happened over the past few months and with the entire Washington D.C. beltway establishment lined up against him- the Republican establishment, the Democrat establishment, the militantly left wing Democrats- who seem to have all gathered in California, and the mainstream media, when the chips were down Donald Trump came through on PCW’s biggest stage.

Colleen Crowder: I think I’m going to be sick.

Johnny Suave: Is that the narrative or an actual story?

Colleen Crowder: Shut up!

Johnny Suave: Let’s go up to Kimber Marshall in the ring for the official announcement.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner at twenty four minutes, forty-three seconds…and the NEW CEO of POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

In his corner, Trump raises his arms in the air.  Kellyanne Conway and Mike Pence shake hands and exchange celebratory hugs.

Kimber Marshall: DONALD J. TRUMP-

No sooner than Marshall finished saying Trump, a woman in purple dress jumps into the ring and knocks down the PCW ring announcer.  She grabs the microphone from Marshall.  Her face beet red, clearly infuriated at the result, she points down at Kimber on the deck.

Woman in Ring: YOU SOLD OUT POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

Kimber just gives her a ‘WTF’ glance.  The woman then turns to the American Patriots at ringside and delivers more of her venom.

Woman in Ring: YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE IN POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

She points at Trump.

Woman in Ring: THIS IS MY PCW!

She points at herself and screeches.

Woman in Ring: DO YOU HEAR ME?  THIS IS MY PCW!

Then she throws herself on the mat and begins to kick her feet and flail her arms wildly.

Johnny Suave: Great.  Is she going to hold her breath next?

Then she holds her breath as she kicks and flails away.  Her face quickly turns red.

Johnny Suave: Really?  Hopefully we can get security out here to restore some order.

PCW Security comes to the ring to escort the woman out.  But before she can be taken away, another commotion flares out inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

Johnny Suave: HERE COMES HOLLYWOOD OSCAR WINNING SCREENWRITER AARON SORKIN AND HE LOOKS PISSED!

Aaron Sorkin: WAIT A MINUTE!  HOLD ON, ONE SECOND!

Sorkin, noted liberal activist, flies down to ringside and grabs a microphone from a ringside technician.

Aaron Sorkin: I wrote this letter to my daughter.

Sorkin pulls out a sheet of paper and begins to read.

Aaron Sorkin: I’m not going to sugarcoat this- this is truly horrible…

Progressive Alliance fans agree with Sorkin’s sentiment.  Supporters of the American Patriots?  Not so much.

Aaron Sorkin: …it’s hardly the first time my candidate didn’t win…in fact it’s the sixth time…but it is the first time that a thoroughly incompetent pig with dangerous ideas, a serious psychiatric disorder, no knowledge of the world and no curiosity to learn has.

Again, the agreement to Mr. Sorkin’s views are sharply split according to one’s political preference.

Aaron Sorkin: And it wasn’t just Donald Trump who won tonight—it was his supporters too. The Klan won last night. White nationalists. Sexists, racists and buffoons.

This gets the attention of Blackwell, McAvay, and Bryan.  All three turn and wonder if Sorkin is really talking about them.

He is.

Aaron Sorkin: That’s right.  Angry young white men who think rap music and Cinco de Mayo are a threat to their way of life or are the reason for their way of life have been given cause to celebrate. Men who have no right to call themselves that and who think that women who aspire to more than looking hot are shrill, ugly, and otherwise worthy of our scorn rather than our admiration struck a blow for misogynistic shitheads everywhere…

Johnny Suave: Really? He’s slagging not just the Les Miserables but an entire class of people simply because they didn’t support his candidate AND couching it as a ‘heartfelt letter’ to his daughter?  You’ve got to be kidding me!

Colleen Crowder: He’s speaking to truth, Johnny.  Everything he’s saying is true.

Aaron Sorkin: …hate was given hope. Abject dumbness was glamorized as being “the fresh voice of an outsider” who’s going to shake things-

**Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ begins to play**

Hack’s explodes.  Sorkin stops and watches as the Extreme Equalizer bolts down the aisle towards ringside.

Johnny Suave: WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHAT THE EXTREME EQUALIZER THINKS ABOUT ALL THIS.  IT’S WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – I can’t wait another day Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way Tear it down – If only you could stay All night long

Colleen Crowder: Don’t do it!

Sorkin defiantly stands his ground and doesn’t attempt to escape.  The Extreme Equalizer launches himself at him with his right arm outstretched.

Johnny Suave: CLOTHESLINE AND DOWN GOES SORKIN!

McAvay and Bryan set up a table.  WTF then pulls Sorkin up and drags him over.

Colleen Crowder: DON’T DO IT!

Lifted in the air by the throat, Sorkin is then driven through the table by Whiskey Tango Foxtrot with such force that the table snaps in two cleanly upon impact.

A crowd chant erupts: “PCW!  PCW!  PCW!”

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!  THE EXTREME EQUALIZER JUST CHOKESLAMMED AARON SORKIN THROUGH THE TABLE!

WTF admires his handiwork until more people come flying out from the back.

*“WITH TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD!”*

Over half of the crowd immediately boos as ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh smugly appears.  Limbaugh’s ‘Dittoheads’ stand up and cheer when Limbaugh walks towards ringside and openly laughs at Sorkin- who’s lying in the ruins of a table.

Johnny Suave: Well, here we go.  You know Limbaugh is eating up everything that’s gone down here tonight.

Crowd chant: “OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…”

Rush Limbaugh: “That’s right. It is I…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…El Rushbo…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…The Maharushbie…”

Crowd: “WHO?”

Rush Limbaugh: “…With talent on loan from-”

Crowd: “ROB!”

Limbaugh pauses.

Rush Limbaugh: “No.”

Crowd: “BOB!”

Rush Limbaugh: “No!”

Crowd: “MOM!”

Rush Limbaugh: SHUT UP! IT’S GOD YOU IDIOTS…GOD, GOD, GOD! *clears throat* Now, as I was saying in a manner that only I, with my years of broadcast excellence, can say.  It’s clear here that the Progressive Alliance and the drive by media are going to do everything possible to delegitimize Donald Trump’s win here tonight.  The liberals will fight tooth and nail against Trump because their candidate didn’t win.

Suddenly, the video screen fires up and we take a trip back in time to 2009, one week after PCW CEO Barack Obama was sworn in…

(FILM CLIP- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- January 27th, 2009) *“WITH TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD!”*

The crowd immediately boos as ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh and the “Queen of Political Extreme” Ann Coulter appear in the spotlight and both begin to walk towards the ring.

Suave: Well, this is not a surprise. Limbaugh has been sparring publicly with the new PCW CEO Barack Obama in the news the last week. And I know Ann Coulter is never for a loss of words.

Crowd: “OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…

Limbaugh joins Suave in the ring…

Suave: What can I do for you, Mr. Limbaugh?

Rush: We’re both here tonight to say…we told you so. That’s right. It’s taken less than a week for the new PCW CEO Barack Hussein Obama to show his true colors. I don’t care what anybody else thinks. I…WANT…OBAMA…TO…FAIL. Period. I hope he fails.

Suave: Welllllllllll?

Limbaugh smiles ackwardly and tries to back up.

Rush Limbaugh: Now hold on here, that was different…um…I-  *ack*

Limbaugh suddenly finds himself in the clutches of one Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.   Hand on his throat, WTF lifts him into the air and then slams him to the floor.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!  HE JUST CHOKESLAMMED RUSH LIMBAUGH!

The Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon fans react with another loud chant in unison: “PCW!  PCW!  PCW!”

Johnny Suave: What goes around, comes around.

Colleen Crowder: I’d say he definitely deserved that.

Another roar from the crowd. Yet again, another run-in.

Johnny Suave: Now what?

Suave searches and sees the bespectacled man headed towards the ring and realizes who he is.

Johnny Suave: Awww.  Not him.

‘Him’ is former MSNBC and Current TV commentator and current host of GQ’s political webshow ‘The Resistance with Keith Olbermann’- Keith Olbermann.  And Keith has a megaphone.  He runs up to where Limbaugh is splayed out on the floor and points the megaphone down at him.

Keith Olbermann: I WILL LEAD THE RESISTANCE!  I AM THE RESISTANCE… I AM *ack*

WTF rolls his eyes and in one swift movement grabs Olbermann by the throat…lifts him up and chokeslams to the floor right next to Limbaugh.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT IS HE DOING?

The “PCW!  PCW!  PCW!” chant now echoes all over the bar.

***

Cut back to Johnny Suave live at the broadcast table…

Johnny Suave: And with that, Donald Trump became the CEO of PCW for the next four years.

“How Dare You” with 9-year-old Eva McAvay The camera zooms in on a miniature wrestling ring set up in the center of the PCW studio. A small figure stands in the middle, her blonde pigtails bouncing as she adjusts the microphone in her hand. It’s Eva McAvay, Dawn McGill’s 9-year-old daughter, her face set in a determined scowl that seems out of place on her cherubic features.

Eva McAvay: How dare you?

Eva’s voice booms through the arena, her tiny frame shaking with passion. She points her finger dramatically at the camera and startles even Johnny Suave, who takes a step back from the tiny titan.

Eva McAvay: Tearing your family apart because of some stupid political beliefs? That’s not what Thanksgiving and Christmas are about!

She slams her fist into her other hand.

Eva McAvay: It’s about love and togetherness, people! Can’t you see that? Jeez, just grow the *BLEEP* up-

Her eyes blaze with righteous anger. But before she can continue, Dawn McGill’s voice cuts in sharply.

Dawn McGill (offscreen): EVA!

With a sheepish glance at her mother, Eva lowers her head.

Eva McAvay: Sorry, Mom.

Cut back to Johnny Suave…

Johnny Suave: All right.  Hopefully, everyone had a very Happy Thanksgiving.  Next up…  we’re going to replay the 2020 CEO of PCW match featuring Donald Trump and Joe Biden.  Let’s run the tape now.

***

The 2020 Battle for PCW CEO-: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott w/PCW CEO Donald Trump, Aide de Camp Mike Pence (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels w/PCW CEO candidate Joe Biden, Aide de Camp candidate Kamala Harris (Progressive Alliance) Kimber Marshall stands in the middle of the ring.

Kimber Marshall: “Ladies and gentlemen, this match will be…”

Crowd: ONE fall!

Kimber Marshall: “And it will be for the PCW Title!  Introducing first…

*”Glory Days”-Bruce Springsteen*

Johnny Suave: “Ah.  Bruce Springsteen.  Another one of the many celebs who’ve promised to move out of the US if Trump wins.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you bad mouth ‘The Boss.’  Springsteen speaks the truth.”

Joe Biden comes out with his wife Dr. Jill Biden (and don’t you forget the ‘Dr.’ part).  Behind him is his choice for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris.

Then Marshall announces the Progressive Alliance wrestler taking part in the match.

‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels HT: 6′ 0″ WT: 200 / HOME: Hollywood, CA FIN: The True Hollywood Blockbuster

Daniels comes out and shakes hands with both Bidens and Kamala Harris.

Kimber Marshall: “And their opponent…

*”Imperial March”- Star Wars*

The supporters “TRUMP!  TRUMP! TRUMP!” chant merges with the melody of the Imperial March and becomes:

“TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP.

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP

TRUMP-TRUMP-TRUMMMMP”

Dressed in all black complete with a flowing black cape, Donald Trump and his spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney walk out on stage to a big ovation from the American Patriots.

Kimber Marshall: Residing in the Trump Tower in the great city of New York, New York!  He promises to…

The Trump supporters shout out: “MAKE PCW GREAT AGAIN!”

Kimber Marshall: Accompanied by his Aide de Camp Mike Pence and representing the American Patriots!  LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  THE CURRENT CEO OF PCW- DONALD J. TRUMP!

Again, the Trump supporters let loose with thunderous roar that shakes the building.  Trump nods and acknowledges the fans.

Johnny Suave: “Here he is.  The current CEO of PCW.  Donald Trump.”

Colleen Crowder: “Ugh.  And he’s being led to the ring by… her.”

Johnny Suave: “You’re just saying that because Kayleigh McEnaney won’t play the ‘game’ the way you want her to play.”

McEnaney leads the way as Trump, black robe ruffling behind him as he strides, makes his way down the steps from the stage toward the ring followed by Mike Pence and Pence’s wife Karen.

Marshall then announces the American Patriots’s wrestler.

‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 250, HOME: Ottumwa, IA FIN: American Stars and Fujiawa Arm Bar

Scott walks out on stage and shakes hands with Trump, Pence, Mrs. Pence.  Then the entourage heads towards the ring.

Johnny Suave: “So here we are.  This is for the PCW title and then we will find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years.”

Colleen Crowder: “We already know the answer.  It’s going to be Joe Biden.”

Biden shouts encouragement to Kevin Daniels- but he’s facing the wrong way.  Harris subtly turns him around towards the ring.

Before the match starts, Suave and Crowder are joined by special guests- the CEOs of Twitter and Facebook Jack Dorsey and Mark Zuckerberg.

The bell sounds and the match begins.

Scott rushes forward.  Daniels side-steps him.  The two men circle.  Scott aggressively comes forward.  Daniels plays defense and makes him chase.   Daniels connects with a spin kick that gives Scott some pause.  Quick lock up – Scott takes a headlock – Daniels slips out.  Scott fires off right and left hands. He follows with a standing spinebuster.  Hooks the leg – one – two – Daniels kicks out and calls a ‘time-out.’  He rolls outside the ring and confers with Biden and Harris.

Johnny Suave: “Kevin Scott off to a fast start here causing Mr. Hollywood to bail out of the ring.”

Jack Dorsey: “Actually Johnny, before you share this content, you might want to know that fact-checking sites, Snope.com, and other media sources have disputed the accuracy of it.”

Colleen Crowder: “Yeah!  Kevin Daniels is probably just getting warmed up and wanted to talk strategy with Joe Biden.”

Once back in, Daniels and Scott tie up – Scott gains control.  He wrenches, hammerlocks, and throws forearms into Daniels’s back.  Headlock by Scott and hits the takeover.  Scott tries to grind Daniels down.   Daniels fights up and around but Scott wrenches the arm again.  Scott takes a wristlock.  Daniels throws a couple body shots.  Surprise roll into a REAR NAKED CHOKE!  Scott elbows out.   Daniels with a drop toehold and gets the legs to hook them.  One – Scott powers out.  Scott goes for a rear bear hug – Daniels fights his way out with elbows.  Daniels backdrops Scott to the mat.  Scott up – Daniels legsweeps him back down.  Cover.  One – two – no.  Scott powers out.

Johnny Suave: “Better from Kevin Daniels there.  He seems to be coming into the match.”

Colleen Crowder: “Johnny, I don’t know what match you’ve been watching but it’s clear Daniels is totally dominating the match.”

Johnny Suave: “That’s debatable.”

Mark Zuckerberg: “Actually Johnny, we’ll allow it.  It’s a factual statement.”

Johnny Suave: “Of course you will.”

Scott nails Daniels with a kick to the jaw.  Cover.  One – two – 2.5 – Daniels just kicks out before the three count.  Scott boots Daniels in the gut.  Daniels drops to a knee – Scott drags him right back up.  He goes to whip Daniels – Daniels reverses and knees Scott low and hard!  Daniels hits the ropes and Scott ducks under.  Another boot to the gut and a Sling Blade takes Daniels down.  Cover.  One – Two – NO! Daniels just gets the shoulder up.

Johnny Suave: “Another close pinfall for Kevin Scott.  He is really doing well here tonight.”

Jack Dorsey: “Again Johnny, before you share something like that, you should know that independent fact checkers dispute its accuracy.”

Johnny Suave: “It’s an opinion Jack that I’m entitled to based on what I’ve witnessed here during the match.”

Mark Zuckerberg: “Once again, what you said is disputed by third party fact checkers.”

Johnny Suave: “*BLEEP* your third-party fact checkers.”

Daniels grows a little frustrated.  He goes to the referee and starts to berate him.  This allows Kamala Harris to sneak into the ring with a steel-folding chair.  She raises it up – Mike Pence runs in- followed by his wife Karen (Pence never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side).  Mike grabs the chair and stops Harris – the chair falls and accidently lands on Harris’s foot.

Colleen Crowder: “MIKE PENCE DID THAT ON PURPOSE!”

Johnny Suave: “Harris was going to hit ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott with that chair.”

Jack Dorsey: “Er.  Independent fact-checkers say that statement contains false information-“

Suave turns off Zuckerberg and Dorsey’s microphone.

Crowder goes ballistic and demands Suave turn their microphones back on.

Johnny Suave: “I guess it really does suck when you get censored, huh.”

Pence apologizes to Harris for the incident.

Harris kicks him in the groin.

Johnny Suave: “Ooooh.  Apology not accepted.  And Kamala Harris did that on purpose.”

Colleen Crowder: “She did not!  She……….um, slipped.”

Karen Pence then tackles Harris in the ring and both women roll around on the mat.

Johnny Suave: “CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!  CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”

Colleen Crowder: “Okay.  That was totally offensive, Johnny.”

Meanwhile, Daniels runs the ropes – Scott ducks a clothesline and waits for him to come back to clock Daniels with a right hand.  Scott blocks a suplex attempt using the power of gravity. Daniels walks into a body slam.  Scott covers.  One – two – 2.999!  Daniels just gets a shoulder off the mat.  Scott CLOBBERS Daniels with a right hand.  Cover.  One – two – THR-THE REFEREE GETS PULLED OUT OF THE RING!

Johnny Suave: “WHAT THE HELL?”

All three members of the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves Colleen Crowder- New York Times, Sharon Johns- CNN, and Dan Miller- Washington Post yank the referee out of the ring.

All hell breaks loose.  The media climb into the ring while another referee appears and rolls in under the ropes.

Scott’s trying to figure out what’s going on.  Daniels just gets back to his feet and even he’s wondering what’s happening.

The referee calls for the bell.  He goes to ring announcer Kimber Marshall and tells her what his decision is.

Marshall climbs into the ring and makes the announcement.

WINNER AND NEW PCW MEN’S CHAMPION: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) @ 10:48

Johnny Suave: “WHAT?”

A huge celebration erupts in the ring as Arizona Secretary of State Katie Hobbs, Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams join Daniels, the Bidens, Harris, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and the Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves (Crowder-NY Times, Johns-CNN, and Miller-Washington Post).

Outside the ring and around the bar- not so much.  The PCW fans are shocked.  Kevin Scott is stunned at the decision.  Trump is furious and tries to corral the referee but the ref is in the middle of the Progressive Alliance party going on in the ring.

Johnny Suave: “Kevin Daniels has been named the new PCW champion even though he did not pin ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott.”

If the PCW fans didn’t like the Daniels decision, they definitely didn’t like what happened next…

THE DECISION.  TRUMP OR BIDEN? The Coke Brothers (Charles and David), George Moros, Lincoln Project Executive Director Sarah Lenti slowly make their way down to the ring.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “The fans have already connected the dots on this one.  Dawn McGill- missing.  The DC Establishment is here.”

The Cokes, Moros, and Lenti have to duck and dodge debris.

Biden stands in front of the big group that’s gathered inside the ring for the announcement.   Donald Trump stands on the outside.

The four climb into the ring.  Moros has a microphone and he doesn’t waste any time.

George Moros: “Joe Biden-“

The Progressive Alliance explode with joy inside the ring.

Johnny Suave: “THAT’S IT!  JOE BIDEN HAS BEEN SELECTED TO BECOME THE NEW CEO OF POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Biden looks towards Trump for the traditional post-match handshake- but Trump has already left ringside and headed towards the back.

Johnny Suave: “NO HANDSHAKE.  TRUMP’S GOING TO THE BACK.”

***

Cut back to Johnny Suave live at the broadcast desk…

Johnny Suave: So, thus began Joe Biden’s four year run as CEO of PCW.  Now… Eva McAvay is back with more.  Let’s hear what she has to say.

“How Dare You!” with 9-year-old Eva McAvay Eva’s eyes narrow as she launches into her tirade.

Eva McAvay: How dare you… Washington fat cats think you can push us around? Well, not on my watch!”

She paces back and forth, her sneakers squeaking with each step.

Eva McAvay: You locked up patriots for J6 like they were hardened criminals! Misdemeanors became life sentences faster than The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior can say ‘check your privilege’!

Eva’s voice cracks with emotion, her little fists clenching.

She takes a deep breath, her chest heaving with righteous indignation.

Eva McAvay: And don’t get me started on how you used COVID to stomp all over our rights! You forced medicine down our throats like we’re your personal lab rats!

Eva’s face turns red as she builds to her climax.

Eva McAvay: The Department of Justice? More like the Department of Just-Us, am I right?

She pauses, waiting for a reaction, but the stunned silence only fuels her further.

Eva takes another deep breath, her tiny frame shaking with emotion.

Eva McAvay: You think you can take our guns? Well, the ATF can pry them from my cold, dead Barbie hands!

She stomps her foot, the impact echoing through the studio.

Eva McAvay: And don’t even get me started on the border! You’ve turned our great nation into a turnstile for criminals and drug dealers!

Eva’s voice rises to a fever pitch as she delivers her final blows.

Eva McAvay: You’ve bankrupted our country with your handouts and destroyed our energy sector for your tree-hugging fantasies!  HOW…DARE… YOU!

Cut back to Johnny Suave…

Johnny Suave: Little Eva McAvay is on fire tonight.

***

Update on the California Vote Counting The studio lights flicker as Johnny Suave clears his throat, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Johnny Suave: And now, folks, we have a special treat for you. Let’s check in on the hardworking vote counters in California, still at it nearly a month after the election.

The screen behind him flickers to life, revealing a dimly lit room. A solitary sloth hangs from a chair, its claws moving in slow motion towards a stack of ballots. The creature blinks languidly, taking an eternity to pick up a single piece of paper.

Johnny Suave: Ahhh.  That explains it.

***

The Legacy Media Strikes Back The ring is awash in a sea of microphones and notepads, as four figures stand poised like prizefighters ready for battle. But these aren’t your typical wrestlers – they’re the Guild of Low-Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves.

Colleen Crowder adjusts her stylish glasses, her auburn hair glinting under the harsh lights, and her voice brimming with the smooth confidence of a seasoned, low-level New York Times reporter with higher aspirations.

Colleen Crowder: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re here to address a grave threat to our profession and our relevancy. Joe Rogan is single-handedly dismantling the legacy media!

Sharon Johns- a low-level Washington Post reporter trying to make a name for herself- nods vigorously, her ponytail bouncing with each movement.

Sharon Johns: That’s right, Colleen. We can’t let some podcast jockey with a penchant for DMT take our place!”

Johnny Suave comments from the broadcast table.

Johnny Suave: Oh boy, folks! Looks like we’ve got a real media showdown brewing!

Colleen’s green eyes narrow as she scans the crowd.

Colleen Crowder: You people need to understand the gravity of the situation. We’re the gatekeepers of truth, damn it! But fear not, for we have a champion in our corner. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the co-founder and CEO of Axios, Jim Vandehei!

As Vandehei strides toward the ring, Johnny Suave can’t help but make a quip.

Johnny Suave: Well, well! If it isn’t the man who turned long-form journalism into bite-sized chunks!

Vandehei grabs a microphone, his face flushed with emotion.

Jim Vandehei: I hate this damn debate about not needing the media. It’s bull*BLEEP*!

Vandehei barrels on.

Jim Vandehei: It’s about sitting in a war zone, telling people what’s actually happening, not just looking at distortion. That matters, damn it!

Vandehei’s eyes blaze with intensity as he continues his impassioned speech.

Jim Vandehei: It matters profoundly! We don’t love getting up at 3:00, 4:00 in the morning every single day for kicks. We do it because it matters!

Johnny Suave chuckles.

Johnny Suave: Sounds like someone needs to invest in a good alarm clock.

Vandehei plows on, his voice rising.

Jim Vandehei: Everything we do is under fire. Elon Musk sits on Twitter – or X, whatever – every day saying, ‘We are the media, you are the media.’ Well, my message to Elon Musk is: Bull*BLEEP*!

The crowd collectively gasps at the expletive, some cheering, others booing.

Jim Vandehei: You’re not the media!

Vandehei gesticulates wildly.

Jim Vandehei: Having a blue check mark, a Twitter handle, and 300 words of cleverness doesn’t make you a reporter!

Vandehei, now red-faced and sweating, barrels on.

Jim Vandehei: It’s no more legitimate than me looking at your head, seeing you have a brain, and declaring myself a damn neurosurgeon!

Vandehei’s face is beet red, veins bulging in his neck as he paces the ring like a caged animal. He grips the microphone so tightly his knuckles are white.

Jim Vandehei: Being a reporter’s hard. Really hard. You have to care.

Johnny Suave: Unlike caring about your blood pressure, apparently.

Jim Vandehei: You have to do the hard work. You have to get up every single day and say I want to get to the closest approximation of the truth without any fear, without any favoritism.

As Vandehei rants, Suave thinks to himself, “This guy’s about two seconds away from spontaneously combusting. I wonder if PCW’s insurance covers ‘death by righteous indignation’?”

Vandehei’s pacing intensifies, his gestures becoming more wild with each word.

Jim Vandehei: You don’t do that by popping off on Twitter. You don’t do that by having an opinion. You do it by doing the hard work.

Johnny Suave: But yet, that’s what many in the legacy media did. And that’s why their reputations and the public’s perception of the legacy media is so bad. Speaking of new media… Eva McAvay is back again with another edition of “How Dare You?”

Jim Vandehei: Hey-

PCW cuts away to the cute 9-year-old girl.

***

“How Dare You?” with 9-year-old Eva McAvay Eva’s eyes narrow, her gaze fixating on an imaginary Kamala Harris.

Eva McAvay: And how dare you, Ms. Vice President.  How dare you spend a billion dollars on your campaign and still end up owing twenty million? That’s like buying a Happy Meal and somehow owing McDonald’s your college fund!

The studio audience gasps, a mix of shock and awe rippling through the crowd.

Eva McAvay: If you can’t even balance your campaign checkbook, how in the world do you expect to handle our national piggy bank?

Eva’s tiny fists clench at her sides.

Eva McAvay: You’d probably try to pay off the national debt with Monopoly money!

Eva takes a dramatic pause, her chest heaving with righteous indignation.

Eva McAvay: How. Dare. You!

Each word is punctuated with a stomp of her light-up sneakers.

Suddenly, a tall figure emerges from the shadows of the studio.

Familiar Voice: Hey there, little warrior.

Eva whirls around, her eyes widening in recognition.

Eva McAvay: Y-you’re Elon Musk!

Elon nods, a bemused smile playing on his lips.

Elon Musk: That’s right. And I wanted to tell you, it’s going to be okay.

Eva’s jaw drops.

Elon Musk: We’re going to try and fix it.

Eva McAvay: I… I…

Her eyes roll back in her head and she crumples to the floor in a dead faint.

*THUNK*

Dawn rushes out.

Dawn McGill: Eva?

Elon Musk: It’s okay. It happens all the time.

Johnny Suave: Well, that’s one way to end a segment.  Thank you Eva.  Let’s go to our final match tonight… this year’s PCW CEO Match between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris.

***

MAIN EVENT-2024 PCW CEO MATCH: Donald Trump w/J.D. Vance (American Patriots) vs. Kamala Harris w/Tim Walz (Progressive Alliance) Suddenly, the familiar brassy strains of the Imperial March fill the air, melding into a thunderous chant that shakes the very foundations of the arena.

TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!

The crowd’s fervor reaches a fever pitch as Donald Trump emerges, bathed in a sea of red light. Kid Rock’s “American Rock and Roll” blasts through the speakers, and Trump raises his arms triumphantly, soaking in the adulation.

Suave’s voice rises above the din.

Johnny Suave: There he is! The man who promises to make PCW great again!

Crowder interjects, her tone skeptical.

Colleen Crowder: Or plunge it into chaos, depending on your perspective.

Trump struts down the ramp, his signature red tie flapping as he gestures to the crowd. J.D. Vance appears at his side, pumping his fist in solidarity.

As they near the ring, the music fades, replaced by Beyoncé’s “Freedom.” The crowd’s reaction splits, boos and cheers mingling in a cacophony of political division.

Oprah Winfrey steps out on stage… her voice booms through the arena.

Oprah Winfrey: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… KAMALA HAR-RIS!

Harris emerges with Tim Walz, her stride purposeful, her eyes locked on the ring where Trump awaits. As she rolls under the bottom rope, their gazes meet, the air between them crackling with tension.

Johnny Suave: This is it, folks. The future of PCW – and perhaps America itself – will be decided tonight in this very ring.

Crowder nods gravely.

Colleen Crowder: Two ideologies, two visions for the future, about to collide in spectacular fashion. Let’s just hope the right vision prevails tonight.

As Harris and Trump circle each other, the crowd’s chants grow louder, a nation divided echoed in the voice of the PCW faithful.

Johnny Suave: Your referee will be Davey Keels.   Hang on tight… we are in for a wild ride tonight.  Trump versus Harris.  The winner becomes the new CEO of PCW.

The bell rings, echoing through the arena as Trump and Harris lock up in the center of the ring. The crowd’s roar is deafening, a cacophony of cheers and boos battling for dominance.

Harris strikes first, her leg whipping out in a low kick that catches Trump off guard. She follows up with a swift enziguri, her foot connecting with Trump’s temple. The former president stumbles, and Harris pounces for the cover.

“One!” Davey Keels’ hand slaps the mat, but Trump kicks out with force.

Johnny Suave: Harris coming out hot! But Trump’s not going down that easy!

Trump, shaking off the cobwebs, grabs Harris and attempts to fling her into the ropes. But Harris, ever the politician, reverses the momentum. Trump, caught off-guard, grabs the ropes to steady himself.

Colleen Crowder: Slick move by Harris! She’s not letting Trump dictate the pace!  She can do this.

Trump, his face a mask of determination, trips Harris as she rebounds off the ropes. She hits the mat hard, and Trump capitalizes with a brutal basement uppercut.

Johnny Suave: Oh! Trump with that patented ‘low blow’ we’ve seen so often in his political career! .

The crowd is on its feet as Trump follows up with a sliding lariat, his arm clotheslining Harris with devastating impact. He goes for the cover, and Keels’ hand comes down again.

“One! Two!” But Harris kicks out at the last second.

Trump, frustration evident on his face, grabs Harris and bodily throws her through the ropes. The fans closest to the action scatter as Harris crashes to the floor.

Johnny Suave: Trump taking this fight outside the ring!

Colleen Crowder: Just like he takes everything outside the norms of politics!

As Trump follows Harris to the outside, she scrambles for a weapon. Her hand finds a steel chair, and she swings with all her might.

CLANG!

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

The sound reverberates through the arena as the chair connects with Trump’s head. He goes down hard, and Harris seizes control.

Johnny Suave: Harris is dismantling Trump!

For the next five minutes, Harris dominates, utilizing the chair and every dirty trick in the book. She goes for multiple covers, but Trump’s resilience shines through.

Colleen Crowder: Trump kicks out at one!

Crowder sounds almost disappointed.

Colleen Crowder: You’ve got to wonder where he’s getting this strength from!  Come on Kamala!

Harris, growing desperate, attempts to pillmanize Trump’s knee with the chair. But in a move that shocks everyone, Trump no-sells the attack, popping up as if nothing happened.

Johnny Suave: Unbelievable! Trump just shrugged off what should have been a devastating move! Is he even human?

As they make their way back to the ring, Harris tries to climb in first. But Trump, seizing the opportunity, grabs her and slams her hard to the floor.

Johnny Suave: Oh! Trump gives her a taste of her own medicine!”

Crowder winces.

Colleen Crowder: This match is far from over, Johnny.  At least, that’s the narrative we’re reporting.

The ring creaks under the weight of the combatants as Trump and Harris circle each other, a wooden table now situated ominously in the corner. Walz and Vance, like opposing cornermen in a boxing match, toss chairs into the ring, the metallic clang echoing through the arena.

Johnny Suave: Ladies and gentlemen, this is turning into a hardware store! We’ve got tables, we’ve got chairs – what’s next, a kitchen sink?

Trump lunges forward, grabbing Harris in a headlock. She counters, twisting out and shoving him towards the ropes. As Trump rebounds, Harris ducks, aiming for a backdrop. But Trump leapfrogs over her, landing with surprising agility for a man his age.

Johnny Suave: Did you see that, Colleen? Trump’s moving like a man half his age!

Colleen Crowder: Whatever John-

Colleen Crowder’s reply is cut short as a commotion erupts at ringside. Neal Conn…

Johnny Suave: Here comes Neal Conn… making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world’s sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order.  I’m supposed to say that whenever I say his name.

…and Hallie Burton…

Johnny Suave: Hallie Burton- protector of the military-industrial complex… yes… I’m supposed to say that too.

Conn and Burton along with a group of well-dressed individuals storm the ring, led by a figure that looks like Darth Vader crossed with Dick Cheney.

Johnny Suave: I wondered when they’d be making their appearance.  It’s the Never Trumper group Conservative, Inc. and is that… Darth Dick Cheney?

The group swarms the ring.  But then…

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALITION!

‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, PCW Champion Charlie Blackwell, ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, and the ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen hop the rail and tackle Conn and Burton.

Johnny Suave: The AHC are taking care of Conservative Inc.  but the Never Trumpers are at ringside now!

Bill Kristol and Charlie Sykes pulling Trump’s legs out from under him. Jonah Goldberg and David French follow up with chair shots to Trump’s back.

Harris retreats to a corner, a smirk playing on her lips as she watches the chaos unfold.

Johnny Suave: This is a travesty! Where’s the referee? Where’s security?

As if in answer, the crowd pops when a new group charges down the ramp. Elon Musk leads the charge, followed closely by Vivek Ramaswamy and Bobby Kennedy Jr.

Johnny Suave: The anti-establishment squad is here!

Musk slides into the ring, immediately tackling David Brooks. Ramaswamy goes after Mitt Romney, while RFK Jr. grapples with George Conway.

The ring becomes a sea of flailing limbs and flying chairs. Tulsi Gabbard grabs the Washington Post’s so-called ‘conservative’ columnist Jennifer Rubin by the hair, tossing her over the top rope.

Johnny Suave: Jen Rubin… who called for newspaper writers to quit the LA Times and USA Today because they wouldn’t endorse Kamala Harris… but didn’t offer to quit the Washington Post… gets thrown out of the ring.

Trump, finally free from the pile-on, stumbles to his feet. He locks eyes with Darth Dick Cheney, who’s advancing menacingly.

Johnny Suave: Here we go. Time to drain the swamp.

Trump grabs a nearby chair.

Colleen Crowder: I’m a little conflicted on this.  Yes, Cheney throwing his support to Harris is good.  But Dick Cheney?  Ehhh…

As Cheney reaches for him, Trump swings the chair with all his might, connecting with a resounding clang that seems to shake the very foundations of the arena.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! Down goes Cheney!

Nicole Shanahan tosses Liz Cheney through the ropes.

Johnny Suave: And there goes Liz.  Wait… there’s a commotion.  Now what?

The arena erupts as a new wave of chaos descends upon the ring. A swarm of suits and microphones floods down the ramp.

Johnny Suave: The legacy media has arrived! ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, NPR, CNN, MSNBC – they’re all here!

Colleen Crowder leans forward, her eyes gleaming.

Colleen Crowder: Finally, some real journalists to set the record straight!

The legacy media crew circles the ring like sharks, but J.D. Vance is ready. He clotheslines an MSNBC anchor over the top rope, then hip-tosses a CNN correspondent out of the ring.

Colleen becomes alarmed.

Colleen Crowder: What is he doing?

Johnny Suave: Vance is cleaning house!” Suave shouts. “These media folks are about as welcome as fact-checkers at a campaign rally!”

Vivek Ramaswamy joins the fray, suplexing a CBS reporter onto a conveniently placed table.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Suddenly, the crowd erupts and Suave’s voice reaching a fever pitch.

Johnny Suave: IT’S JOE ROGAN!”

The podcast king sprints down the ramp, leaping into the ring with the agility of a UFC fighter. Rogan immediately locks eyes with a terrified ABC anchor.

Rogan growls, before launching into a spinning back kick that sends the anchor flying through the ropes.

As Rogan, Vance, and Ramaswamy clear the ring of the last media stragglers, the crowd chants: “JOE! JOE! JOE!”

But the night is far from over. The familiar strains of “Hail to the Chief” fill the arena, and two figures appear at the top of the ramp.

Colleen Crowder: YES!  It’s Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama!

Crowder can barely containing her excitement.

Colleen Crowder: Maybe they can get Harris across the line.

As they make their way down, Tulsi Gabbard locks eyes with Hillary. Without warning, she sprints across the ring and dives through the ropes, tackling Clinton to the ground.

Johnny Suave: CAT-FIGHT… CAT-FIIIIIIGHT!

The two women roll around on the entrance ramp.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT IS SHE DOING?

Johnny Suave: Hillary Clinton once accused Tulsi an agent of Russia back in 2019 after Gabbard tore apart Kamala Harris in a debate.  She didn’t forget.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

Suddenly, Don Cheadle, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Robert Downey, Jr, Scarlett Johansson, and Paul Bettany appear on stage.

Colleen Crowder: YES!

Johnny Suave: Big Hollywood’s big stars are here tonight on Kamala Harris’s behalf and-  WAIT!

The arena erupts in chaos as a group of bearded men in suspenders and wide-brimmed hats storm the stage.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP.

Suave’s voice cracks with disbelief.

Johnny Suave: It’s a group of angry Amish men from Pennsylvania!

Colleen Crowder: WH- WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Johnny Suave: They’re mad because of a January federal raid on a local raw milk farm in Bird in Hand, Pa.  The Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture stormed Amos Miller’s farm Jan. 4 after reports of illnesses in children linked to raw dairy products purchased there.

As straw hats and designer sunglasses fly, Trump seizes the moment. He grabs Harris, whipping her into the ropes.

Johnny Suave: Hotshot Stunner!

Trump catches Harris on the rebound, driving her head into his shoulder.

Colleen Crowder: NOOOO!

Trump’s not done. He hoists Harris up in a fireman’s carry, circling the ring as the crowd roars as Trump brings Harris crashing down.

Johnny Suave: Side Slam by Trump and he’s in control of this match.

Davey Keels slides into position, his hand slapping the mat. “One! Two!” But Harris kicks out at the last second.

Trump climbs the turnbuckle, his tie flapping in the wind. The fans are on their feet, cell phones raised to capture the moment. Suddenly, a blur of movement catches Trump’s eye.

Colleen Crowder: It’s Joy Reid!

The MSNBC host runs in and grabs Harris, pulling her to safety.

Trump’s face contorts with frustration.

Johnny Suave: You can run, but you can’t hide from the red wave!

Colleen Crowder: Stop saying that!

Trump leaps from the turnbuckle and pursues Harris around the ring.

As Trump chases Harris back inside, Suave leans into his mic.

Johnny Suave: Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my days at PCW, but this… this is unprecedented!

Colleen Crowder: I think I’m going to be sick.

The arena plunges into darkness.

Johnny Suave: Uh oh.

A sinister cackle echoes through the speakers as lightning flashes across the jumbotron.

Johnny Suave: It’s the Supreme Dark Overlord of PCW, Joe Biden!

A hooded figure emerges from billowing smoke, dressed like the political version of Star Wars’ Emperor Palpatine.  His eyes glowing an eerie blue behind a pair of dark sunglasses beneath the cowl. As he raises his gnarled hands and removes the sunglasses, electricity crackles from his eyes.

A bolt of political force energy shoots from Biden’s eyes. Trump ducks, the electricity sizzling past his ear and hitting a hot dog vendor in the aisle behind him incinerating him instantly.

J.D. Vance scrambles, grabbing a nearby mirror and tossing it to Trump. Trump catches the mirror just as another bolt flies towards him. He angles the glass, deflecting the energy. It ricochets, striking Kamala Harris. Her pants ignite in blue flames.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen Crowder: My God! Her pants are on fire!

Johnny Suave: Hmmm… I seem to remember a certain phrase that ends with ‘pants on fire.’

Colleen Crowder: That’s not funny!

Harris shrieks, desperately patting at the flames. Tim Walz rushes to her aid.

Biden’s eyes unleash a second bolt of political force energy.  Again, Vance deflects this one into the path of Tim Walz who stumbles into its path. His own trousers burst into flames.

Colleen Crowder: JOE!  STOP!

Johnny Suave: It’s pandemonium in the ring! We’ve got flaming politicians everywhere!

Trump seizes his chance. As Harris flails, trying to extinguish herself, he lunges forward. In one fluid motion, he wraps his arms around her waist and rolls her up from behind.

Referee Davey Keels drops to the mat. “One!”

The crowd roars.

“Two!”

Trump grits his teeth, using all his strength to keep Harris pinned.

“Three!”

The bell rings. Trump releases his hold, staggering to his feet as the realization hits him.

Johnny Suave: HE’S DONE IT!

On the stage, Biden’s lips curl into a satisfied smirk. His work here is finished. He turns, disappearing into the shadows as quickly as he arrived.

Kimber Marshall makes it official.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner and new CEO of PCW… DONALD TRUMP!

The arena erupts. Vance, Musk, Ramaswamy, RFK Jr., Gabbard, and Shanahan flood the ring, lifting Trump onto their shoulders in triumph.

Colleen Crowder: I can’t believe it!

Crowder gasps, her professional facade cracking.

Colleen Crowder: Harris was on fire… literally!

Johnny Suave: And she lost.

Colleen Crowder: And she lost.

Johnny Suave: Colleen, looks like Trump just fired Harris from the top job!

Colleen Crowder: Stop rubbing it in.

Suave turns to his co-commentator, his voice thick with emotion.

Johnny Suave: We’ve witnessed history tonight. Donald Trump has become the first person in the PCW era to do what Grover Cleveland once did a hundred years ago- win two non-consecutive terms.  Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is once again at the helm of PCW.

Colleen Crowder: Oh God… no.

As the celebration rages, a commotion erupts at the entrance ramp. New York Governor Kathy Hochul storms out, her face as red as the seats of the American Patriot section as she shrieks into a microphone.

Kathy Hochul: Anyone who supports Donald Trump and this… this travesty is anti-American!

Suddenly, two costumed figures burst from the crowd.

Johnny Suave: Wait!  Is that… Peanut the Squirrel and Fred the Raccoon?

The anthropomorphic duo charges Hochul, executing a perfect double clothesline that sends her sprawling.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen sighs.

Colleen Crowder: And now Kathy Hochul get taken out by two dead pets!

The crowd’s cheers turn to boos as Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post rushes the stage, shoving Peanut and Fred to the floor.

Jennifer Rubin: MAGA squirrel deserved to die!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jennifer Rubin: The media, it must be said, did not fulfill its role in educating the public and advancing truth as their primary objective. Refusal to explore Trump’s manifest defects and place him and his movement in the context of fascist strongmen and their cults had the effect of normalizing and legitimizing a candidate utterly unfit for office. But the facts nevertheless were there for anyone who cared to look. At some point, voters are responsible for their own decisions.

The crowd’s roar intensifies as Dawn McGill’s entrance music hits. The statuesque blonde strides down the ramp, her piercing blue eyes locked on Jennifer Rubin in the ring. Dawn’s tight black dress hugs her curves, leaving little to the imagination.

Dawn sneers at Rubin and snatches a microphone.

Dawn McGill: Well, well, if it isn’t the Washington Post’s resident hack. Jen Rubin, the queen of bad takes herself.

Rubin bristles, her face reddening.

Jennifer Rubin: How dare you! I’m a respected journalist-

Dawn McGill: You’re a joke.

Dawn cuts her off, climbing into the ring. She towers over Rubin, using every inch of her six-foot frame to intimidate.

Dawn McGill: A smug, stuck-up elitist who wouldn’t know real America if it bit you on your Beltway bubble ass.

The crowd erupts in cheers. Dawn basks in their energy, feeling the electricity coursing through the arena.

Jennifer Rubin: Listen here, you silicone-enhanced bimbo.

Rubin jabs a finger at Dawn’s chest.

Jennifer Rubin: I’ve forgotten more about politics than you’ll ever know!

Dawn’s eyes narrow dangerously. In one fluid motion, she grabs Rubin’s wrist and twists, eliciting a yelp of pain.

Dawn McGill: First of all, these are 100% real, honey. Second, you can take your elitist attitude and go *BLEEP* yourself with it.

The censored expletive echoes through the arena, drawing shocked gasps and raucous cheers in equal measure. Dawn releases Rubin’s wrist, shoving her back against the ropes.

Dawn McGill: You need to get out of your ivory tower and see what’s really going on in this country instead of sipping your lattes and writing hit pieces.

Rubin, red-faced and sputtering, stumbles backwards out of the ring. She trips on the bottom rope, nearly face-planting on the floor before catching herself. As she scurries up the ramp, Dawn’s laughter follows her.

Then… of course… Keith Olbermann appears, red-faced and spittle-flecked.

Keith Olbermann: Russian collusion!

Johnny Suave: Oh… no.

Keith Olbermann: It’s all Russian collusion!

Aimee Allen’s Ron Paul Anthem begins to play and the crowd pops.

Wake up! Wake up! Good morning America! Rise and Shine.

Johnny Suave: WAIT A MINUTE!  NO WAY!

Rise and Shine!

A group appears and two drummers lead the procession. Some hold up a sign with a black and white drawing on the side of Ron Paul’s face with ‘Ron Paul-Revolution’ on the bottom.

Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight

Johnny Suave: HE’S BACK!

Keith Olbermann: What the- ARRRRRGHHHH!

Olbermann gets pushed off the stage and lands on the floor.

Ron Paul! Start a revolution and break down illegal institutions

Finally Ron Paul himself appears.

Johnny Suave: RON PAUL AND HIS NEW LIBERTARIAN ARMY ARE BACK IN PCW!

Colleen sighs.

Colleen Crowder: Why not?

The parade starts down the ring towards Trump, Musk, and the others.

PCW!… PCW!… PCW!…

[pashterlengkap]

Anti-LGBTQ+ extremists lost in yesterday’s primaries while AOC won

On Tuesday, non-presidential primaries were held in New York, Colorado, and Utah, alongside a run-off election in South Carolina and a special election in Colorado. These primaries saw victories and losses for progressive lawmakers, and substantial losses for major players from the Republican party. AOC beats a Wall Street banker in Democratic primary Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), known affectionately by supporters as “AOC” and a member of the progressive “Squad,” defeated Marty Dolan, a former Wall Street banker with 82.1% of the votes. It only took 20 minutes after the polls closed for the results to overwhelmingly favor her. Related Lauren Boebert could stay in Congress for years to come after winning GOP primary Her gamble in switching districts may have paid off. Stay connected to your community Connect with the issues and events that impact your community at home and beyond by subscribing to our newsletter. Subscribe to our Newsletter today Ocasio-Cortez has referred to herself as “a champion for LGBTQ+ people,” repeatedly backing pro-LGBTQ+ policy and openly criticizing her Republican colleagues for queerphobia. She has gone head-to-head with anti-trans figureheads like Chaya Raichik and brought attention to how transgender men and some nonbinary individuals are affected by abortion bans. Dolan ran on an anti-progressive platform, calling for a return to “centrist” policies for Democrats. He spent 25 years working on Wall Street in the insurance sector. He has called for lower taxes and said that immigrants are “taking benefits from the people in the city who need them.” Anti-LGBTQ+ Colorado GOP head Dave Williams loses to Jeff Crank Dave Williams, the head of the Colorado Republican Party who was backed by Donald Trump, lost the primary to the comparatively moderate Republican Jeff Crank with 65% of votes. Williams stirred up controversy earlier this year when he sent out an email characterizing the LGBTQ+ community as demonic degenerates, calling for Pride flags to be burned. He said, “We make no apologies for saying God hates Pride or Pride flags, as it’s an agenda that harms children and undermines parental authority.” Crank works for the Koch-backed organization Americans for Prosperity and has received an endorsement from Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA). Crank had also received millions in funding from conservative super PACs. He has remained silent on his opponent’s statements on LGBTQ+ individuals. Jamaal Bowman loses to pro-Israel George Latimer Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) lost the primary to establishment Democrat and Westchester County Executive George Latimer, with Latimer receiving 58.4% of the vote. The race marked the most expensive House race in history, with over $25 million spent. Bowman is part of the progressive “Squad” that believes in LGBTQ+ rights, lower military spending, and opposition to the war in Gaza. He got into a major conflict with a former ally – out Rep. Mondaire Jones (D-NY) – after Jones backed Latimer due to his views on Israel. Latimer has supported LGBTQ+ policies in his time in politics, backing marriage equality and supporting measures to ban conversion therapy. However, he strongly differs from progressive Democrats in his vehement support for Israel. He is backed by numerous super PACs that advocate for Israel’s current policy. Ritchie Torres wins primary unopposed Out Rep. Ritchie Torres (D-NY) won his primary unopposed. In November, he will face Republican Gonzalo Duran. Torres had made history as the first gay Afro-Latino man to be elected to Congress in 2020 and one of the two first Black gay men elected to Congress, along with Jones. He ran in 2020 against a homophobic anti-LGBTQ+ candidate, and since then, he has supported numerous pro-LGBTQ+ policies, including protections for transgender individuals and marriage equality. However, Torres divides himself from progressive congressmembers due to his foreign policy views,… http://dlvr.it/T8pNTx

[dogboyliamgallagher]

started laughing because I remembered when I was put on trial in the prog squad discord

[oneofusnet]

Screener Squad: Destroy All Neighbors DESTROY ALL NEIGHBORS MOVIE REVIEW Welcome to January, or as the industry likes to call it “dump month.” Basically this time of year, studios release their lower budget fair that may not do well during Summer or Holidays, but hey… studio needs to make some money back, or leave it to die so it can be a write-off. Regardless, this time of year can produce some gems that normally would have been covered up by something bigger at the box office. This year has already produced a favorite for us, it’s called Destroy All Neighbors. There’s blood, gore, puppets, prog-rock…… Read More »Screener Squad: Destroy All Neighbors read more on One of Us

[xanabananadu]

i miss prog squad