#PROBABLY FOR THE BEST so that this is more a Recovery Chapter for last chapter lmfao

[orcelito]

Im... at over 2k words just for the first scene of chapter 13... out of 8 planned scenes...

Yea this is gonna need split up

[total-dxmure]

✦ INVISIBLE STRING THEORY →【ELLIE WILLIAMS】→ CHAPTER ONE

pairings: modern!marine ellie x reader

summary: the marines didn’t ruin ellie. ellie ruined ellie. after being medically discharged she feels lost. being sent to live with joel is more of a last ditch effort to save her and less of a fun reunion for the father-daughter duo. jackson is worlds different than chicago, but the fresh air and sprawling countrysides are a welcome reprieve. ellie finds herself finding comfort in more than just the change in scenery though. after losing your girlfriend due to an accident you feel as though you’ll never find love again- but that was before meeting ellie williams. the two of you figure out that you have more in common than just the fact that she and your girlfriend were both marines though. tethered by some invisible string, the two of you meeting has to be fate. who would have known that you were the golden ticket to ellie’s recovery?

warnings: eventual smut! lots of tension building and mutual pining. ellie falls first and hard. small town girl meets a frightening, strong ex marine. TW: talk of panic attacks, ptsd episodes and death. come for the ellie smut and stay for the plot and fluff.

⬶ previous chapter | next chapter ⤅

“The fact that she’s military is the only thing saving her ass right now.”

Ellie kept her head bowed down low, her hands clasped in between her legs as she hunched over in the seat, making herself as small as possible. Her knuckles were bruised and scrapped to hell, the blood already dried and crusted. Most of the blood wasn’t hers, and if she thought about that fact for too long she’d probably have an episode. Either that or she’d throw up all over the sheriff’s office.

“Boss, I really appreciate you calling me instead of booking her. You have to understand that she’s in therapy and is on a shit ton of medications. Is the guy gonna press charges. . . ?” Hearing her best friend kiss up to his boss on her behalf had the vein in her forehead twitching.

“Technically the boy was shoplifting, so I doubt he’s gonna go forward with any sort’a legal action. I know she was trying to help, but she used excessive force. Beat the poor kid black and blue. . . I mean-” The officer lowered his voice, and Ellie could hear Jesse’s chair creak as he leaned forward. “His damn tooth was knocked out.” The sheriff whispered.

She closed her eyes tight, running a shaky hand over her face. She should own up to all of this and apologize. This was her fault, so why. . . why was she just sitting there? It was like she was glued to the chair, unable to move her head up. She couldn’t look Jesse in the eye. She was ashamed of herself.

Because she smelled like greasy, unwashed hair and cigarettes, was wearing the same pair of jeans she’d worn yesterday when he invited her over to his and Dina’s for dinner, and now he was having to pick her up at the police station for starting a fight.

A pack of beer. That’s what she’d pummeled the boy over.

He couldn’t have even been her age. He looked freshly legal, and something in her fucked up mind told her that it was okay to hurt him like that. The second that the nice elderly woman behind the counter had started screaming about a man stealing from her, some sort of switch had been flipped in her brain. Loud noises always made her feel anxious, but screaming like that? She couldn’t have stopped the meltdown even if she’d wanted to. So she dropped what she was holding and ran after him. What happened afterwards was. . . well, it was a blur. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and rubbed her temples, trying hard to remember.

Her therapist called them “PTSD episodes”. Random things triggered a breakdown: loud noises, gunshots, screams, flashes of light. . . they were unavoidable. She’d lose total track of time when it happened. One second the door to Ellie’s walk-in closet was closing behind her, plummeting her in darkness, and the next she’d be laying on her back in the middle of her room, balling her eyes out. Living like this was hell, but no matter how many mind-numbing pills she was prescribed, she still found it nearly impossible to function.

She didn’t want to scare her loved ones. When Joel called she just. . . lied. It made her feel dirty. It was wrong and she knew that, but it was better than the alternative. Being a liar was better than being a broken failure.

“Yeah, I’m doing great. My therapist is on to something, I think.”

“Come on, rambo. Let’s get you to bed.” Jesse placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, knowing better than to pat her on the back like he used to.

Ellie knew it hurt him to see her flinch under his touch. She swallowed back bile and stood up, practically having to drag herself out of the officers office. She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t thank him or- or anything.

But then he did that thing. . . he thanked Ellie.

Ellie didn’t give a shit about the military discounts or the cheaper car insurance- she got a nice cushy check from the military every month just for breathing. She didn’t want pity or thanks simply because she didn’t deserve it.

“Thank you for your service, Williams.” The sheriff’s voice reminded her of Joel’s. For some reason that made it hurt even worse.

Still, her muscles tightened, and she worked hard to straighten her posture.

“It was my privilege.” It was a well rehearsed response. It didn’t even sound like her voice when she had said it though, and it scared her.

As she followed Jesse out to his truck, she tried to ascertain whether she was just beginning to disassociate or whether or not this was all just another strange side effect from her meds.

She blinked and suddenly she was already situated in the car, Jesse on the main road to get the both of them back home. He had the radio turned down to just a hum, his sleepy eyes glued to the road in front of him. The clock on his dashboard told her that it wasn’t just “late” anymore, but “morning” now. Ellie sat up suddenly, her heart pounding as she tried to map out exactly how many minutes she had just lost.

“Fuck.” She breathed, pressing her palms against her eyes.

She needed to call her therapist sometime today. She needed. . . She needed a lower dose of medication. There’s no way any of this was normal.

“Have you eaten?” Jesse asked, turning his head to finally look at her.

Ellie wished that he felt inconvenienced by her. Anger would be better than pity, but the look in his eyes was anything but annoyance. Jesse looked like he was close to tears. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, and Ellie felt called to reach her hand out and place it on his shoulder. She wasn’t a very touchy person these days (and it’s not like she was to begin with), but he needed it.

“Not in a couple of hours.” Ellie answered him, letting her fingers dig into the soft fabric of his shirt.

He nodded and cleared his throat, sitting up a little straighter. When Ellie dropped her hand and turned to look out the passenger side window, she could have sworn he lifted his arm to hurriedly wipe at his eyes. She couldn’t be sure though. . . seeing as she was now legally blind in her left eye. The wonky eye and the thin scar that started in the middle of her forehead and ended on her brow bone were the only physical reminders that she had of the explosion.

It seemed so miniscule compared to all of the shit that was going on in her head. She’d much rather have a destroyed body than a brain that didn’t work right anymore.

“How about you sleep in the guest bedroom? Dina’s probably worried sick about the both of us. Let’s. . . let’s spend the day together. Yeah?” It sounded like he was pleading with her.

There was a brief moment of heavy silence. No matter how much of a burden she saw herself as, the thought of going home right now frightened her. Ellie was terrified that she was going to end up all alone in this world, but she couldn’t stop pushing everyone away. It’s almost as if. . . she knew that she was bound to self-destruct at some point. She didn’t want anyone to see her like that.

“She’s going to kill me.” Ellie groaned out, dramatically banging her head against the headrest.

Jesse’s lips twitched up into a smile, but he was quick to try and mask it. “Nah. Dina? Mad at you for getting arrested at one thirty in the morning? No way.” His tone was sarcastic, and Ellie appreciated the fact that Jesse could still joke under circumstances like this. It made things feel almost normal. Almost.

Ellie winced, dragging a battered and bruised hand over her face. She had no idea why she’d been at the gas station picking up a bag of pretzels and a pack of ding-dongs that late at night. A documentary about the recently discovered Exo-planet was on the Discovery channel, and she’d actually worked up an appetite after it was over. She missed acting her age. Maybe that’s why she ended up getting into her Jeep. She was tired of feeling nostalgic and actually wanted to do something for herself. As minuscule as grabbing snacks from the gas station down the street was, it still felt out of the ordinary for her. Special.

Dina was sitting on the couch when the pair slunk into the house, walking on their tip toes in the hopes that the creaking wooden floors wouldn’t wake up JJ. Ellie froze in the entryway, green eyes wide as she took in the female’s crossed arms and death-glare. She was in trouble, which meant that Jesse was in trouble as well by association.

“Do you know what time it is?” Dina whisper-yelled, throwing her arm in the direction of the clock on the wall.

Ellie squinted her one good eye, noting that it was now four in the morning. She’d lost three hours. She should have been passed out on her prescribed sleeping pills by now, plagued by vivid nightmares. Instead she was intruding on her two best friends, and for what? ‘A pack of beer’, she reminded herself. A god damn pack of fuckin’ beer.

Ellie’s mouth went dry, her lips moving but no words escaping her. How many times had she apologized to Dina since she’d gotten home after the accident? Still, her best friend’s anger was better than Jesse’s pity. The sleeves of Ellie’s flannel tightened around her biceps as she crossed her arms over her chest, mirroring Dina’s posture as if to protect herself. She slipped a hand up, covering her neck anxiously.

“I’m getting better, D. I’ll schedule an emergency meeting with my therapist and-” Ellie sounded pathetic, even to her own ears.

What she was doing couldn’t be called living. Ellie was simply existing and not doing a very good job at it either. She was tired of being tired. She blinked her misty eyes, turning to face the kitchen. She refused to cry. Once she started she couldn’t be sure that she’d be able to stop.

Jesse and Dina’s shoes were all neatly laid out by the front door and JJ’s baby bag was sitting on the dining room table. This was a family that she had just burdened. Her eyes snagged on JJ’s highchair, and then the guilt was building right back up in her chest.

Guilt and jealousy.

Ellie had once had hopes of starting her own family eventually. When did she lose her grasp on that? On her lifelong dreams and aspirations? She wanted to help people- save people- so when had she become the one that needed saving? The marines hadn’t ruined Ellie. Ellie had ruined Ellie.

“No, you’re not.” Dina said simply, her voice sounding thick with emotion. “Ellie, look at me.” Her voice was commanding despite her sadness.

Ellie’s eyes fell to the floor, but she turned her head to face Dina, green eyes flickering up to her face. Bottom lip quivering, brown eyes misty- Dina looked miserable.

“You’re not getting better.” She whispered to Ellie, shaking her head to drive the point home. It looked like the words physically hurt for her to say.

Every excuse that she could have given dissipated. Suddenly she felt naked, utterly exposed. Every nasty, jagged scar was on full display. How many times had she said that to the people that cared about her?

“I’m getting better.” “I actually feel a bit better today.” “You don’t have to worry about me. The meds are really working this time.” Ellie wasn’t sure when it happened but she had become a liar. A damn good one too. Dina was looking at her now though, really looking at her, and Ellie’s face crumpled.

“Fuck.” Ellie whispered to herself, moving her hands to cover her face.

Jesse stepped behind Ellie, wrapping his arms around her tightly, resting his cheek on the top of her head. A sob caught in Ellie’s chest and she strangled it before it could escape her. She couldn’t lose it. She couldn’t let her shoulders sag, couldn’t allow herself to feel everything in front of her best friends.

“I called Joel,” Dina finally said, leaning against the back of the couch, her knuckles going white with how hard she gripped the leather. “And he bought you a plane ticket. You’re flying out tomorrow.”

“No,” Ellie was already shaking her head before Dina had even finished her sentence. “How could you do this?” She felt the betrayal like a slap in the face. Her lips parted, eyes wide in silent desperation.

Please let this be a nightmare.

Her hand desperately flew to her arm, giving it a sharp pinch. The floor didn’t fall out from under her. She didn’t sit up sweating in her tangled sheets. This was actually happening. Actually real.

“You’re flailing, Ellie. We thought that eventually you’d level out,” Dina tried, taking a few steps towards Ellie and her husband. “But you’re only getting worse.”

“I’m getting better.” The well rehearsed line was the only thing she could think to utter. She prayed that eventually she could convince herself of that too. If she said the words enough times then maybe, eventually, they would become her reality. Perhaps she could somehow manifest her recovery.

“When was the last time you ate a solid meal? You barely touched your plate the other night. And I know you aren’t eating the food that Jesse drops off for you.” Dina was pointing out her flaws as if she didn’t see them all herself.

A full stomach meant nausea.

“When was the last time you showered?” The dark haired girl questioned.

Showering meant closing herself up into a tight space. It meant getting naked- seeing her scars. Remembering what happened to her and the rest of her unit.

“We know how this will end, Ellie. I don’t care if you hate me for the rest of my life for calling Joel. I refuse to lose you like this.” Dina’s voice quivered as she spoke, but her eyes hardened. She was resolute about her decision.

Jesse’s arms tightened around Ellie and suddenly they no longer felt like a comfort but a prison. She needed air. Needed to call Joel and apologize. Needed to tell him that she was fine. She was fine. She would be just fine.

“I can’t breathe.” Ellie managed to whisper out, knees buckling from underneath her. It felt like the world was finally swallowing her up whole.

She was a failure. She’d failed Jesse, Dina, JJ and Joel. Why couldn’t she just be normal again? Why couldn’t she just fucking breathe.

Jesse let go of Ellie as she began gasping for air, helping to sit her down on the cold hardwood floor. It felt like everything around her had slowed down to a crawl, but her mind- it had sped up to a breakneck pace. She couldn’t turn it off. Couldn’t turn off the thoughts and the images and the feelings.

She’d killed her unit. It was her fault that they all died. They had all been taken home in body bags, and what had Ellie gotten? A fucking government issued check every month that she blew on booze and a Purple Heart that collected dust.

“D, get the medication that’s in the cabinet and a glass of water.” Jesse called out to his wife. It sounded like they were underwater. She was drowning.

“She’s ripping her fucking hair out, Jesse.” Dina called out in panic, rifling through the medicine cabinet with shaky hands. Her best friend gripped her wrists, forcing them back down to her sides. Strands of Auburn hair were tangled up between her clammy fingers.

JJ must have woken up because of the comotion. She could hear him crying from the other room. Screaming for his mother.

Blood. So much blood. It’s coming out of her mouth, what do I do? What do I do about internal bleeding again? Wasn’t I trained for this? Breathe. She’s not breathing. Are there other landmines? Can I drag her to safety? Where is everyone else? H-How. . . How can I help?

“Swallow, Ellie.” Dina was crouched in front of her, forcing her lips open to slide a pill onto her tongue.

“It was my fault. I-I fucking,” She choked out, gagging at the taste of the pill that was beginning to dissolve on her tongue. “I led them out there. Oh, fuck.”

Dina was beginning to panic, pushing the plastic cup up to Ellie’s mouth in the hopes that she would drink. She did, choking back the water in deep gulps. The water helped to fill the aching pit that was beginning to grow in her stomach. Water poured down the sides of Ellie’s lips, but she kept drinking. Deep, thoughtful gulps of ice cold water.

“Should I call an ambulance?” Dina finally asked, her eyes flickering between Ellie and her husband.

“No. No hospital. Just go sit with JJ, alright? I’ve got her.” Jesse told her, letting go of Ellie’s hands so that he could wrap an arm around her waist, hugging her against his chest so that she couldn’t stand up.

Ellie blinked and Dina was gone, the sound of her bare feet jogging down the hall was the only reminder of her presence.

“Joel isn’t going to judge you, Ellie. We all just want to help. So let us, alright?” She knew he was telling the truth, but the thought of Joel seeing her as lesser-than killed her. She would crumble completely if Joel looked at her with the same sorrowful eyes that Jesse did.

Joel was newly retired though, and the last thing he needed was to put up with his PTSD-ridden adopted daughter. She was tired of feeling like a burden, but where had standing on her own two feet gotten her? Arrested on multiple occasions? So she relented. She surrendered to the idea of sleeping in her old bedroom and taking up space in Joel’s too-big ranch home.

“Okay.” Ellie croaked, feeling the medication kicking in. Sleep. All Ellie wanted to do was sleep.

“Okay?” Jesse repeated back to her, needing to know that she was serious. The last thing he probably wanted to do was wrestle Ellie onto the plane. He wasn’t entirely sure he could overpower her when it came down to it.

“Okay.”

Grief was an uphill battle. One minute you’re laughing with your friends and then the next you’re laid up in bed, tossing and turning with the realization that what could have been was now an impossibility. You missed Abby. You missed the life that you could have had with her. All of the memories and milestones you missed out on were soul crushing the second that the sun went down.

You were left in your empty house, laid up in the bed that the two of you once shared. Her scent had long since washed out of her pillow. All that was left were pictures and a gravesite that you still couldn’t bring yourself to visit. Life doesn’t stop when you lose somebody though. People eventually become less forgiving as the months pass by.

So you squeezed your eyes closed and hoped that sleep would come sooner rather than later. You had an early start tomorrow for work, and the last thing you wanted was to show up with puffy eyes.

Life was getting better though. The pain wasn't as debilitating as it had been months ago, and for that you were thankful.

One step at a time, one day at a time.

You were still breathing, which was exactly what Abby would have wanted for you. The overwhelming grief hadn't killed you, no matter how many times you'd secretly prayed that it would. You were still here and that was good enough.

For now, at least.

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[zepskies]

❤️‍🩹 Life Update (And another BIG update...)

So I typically don't do this, but I just wanted to share something more personal with you guys.

Some of my friends on here already know this, but I've been going through a really rough time this summer, with an ongoing medical issue that has put me through multiple procedures and one surgical procedure last month in July. The issues all began the exact week I moved into a new apartment.

Then, just a few days after my surgery, I was let go from my job. I've been spending the last couple of months trying to recuperate, dealing with quite a lot of pain and discomfort, all while job hunting and writing stories to take my mind off it all.

I really wish I could tell you guys I'm in the homestretch of my recovery. I really thought I was! But, I just got some bad news this past Tuesday during a follow-up appointment. At best, I will need another surgical procedure. At worst, I'll need to be referred to another specialist for more answers.

I'm telling you all of this for a couple of reasons:

(And another big update below the cut!)

You've probably seen me even more active on here for the past couple of months. That's because Tumblr has been one of my main outlets, not just to distract my mind from what I've been going through, from the stress and anxiety, but also to engage more with my friends and followers. Trust me, your feedback, encouragements, comments and reblogs, tagging me on posts, and sending me fun asks has helped ease my mind. It's made me smile and laugh, even when I felt more like crying. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you! 💕💕

To potentially help offset some of my financial burdens, I'm working on creating a Patreon! I already have a Ko-Fi page, but I think Patreon will help me give back to you guys better while members support me in turn. It will be a simple monthly membership where you can get early access to my new stories and series chapters, early sneak peeks on new fic projects, some fun bonus content (like fic sequels and bonus drabbles), priority on fic requests, and more!

So stay tuned, because that's coming very soon. 😘💜

Tagging some of my lovely mutuals and readers who've made my day brighter:

@luci-in-trenchcoats @talltalesandbedtimestories @deans-spinster-witch @kaleldobrev @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

@deansbbyx @artyandink @tofics @deanbrainrotwritings @iamsapphine

@spnwoman @kayleighwinchester @spnbabe67 @thatonewriter15 @jessjad -- and many, many others! 💗

[oliviablancmom]

"Pedriiii - Part III"

Pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x singlemom!OC

Themes: Fluff, Angst.

N/A: So, it's finally here!!! I'm sorry for the delay, but it was hard to write this chapter, either because I piled up my work, or because the characters took a while to talk to me, now they can't stay quiet. I know I said this would be the last chapter, but I can't do math, so this is probably the penultimate one and the next one will be the last (or not, idk). Anyway, enough talking because you guys waited a long time for this. Enjoy!!!!

Pedri was a patient person, his profession demanded it. During the 90 minutes or more that he touched the ball on the field and created plays in anticipation of goals, he knew he needed patience to reach the right moment to achieve his objective. He knew patience because of his injuries and the recovery time he had to deal with, as well as the hurtful comments that cast doubt on his talent, effort, and dedication. Patience sometimes eluded him during a game when a referee made a wrong call or overlooked something on the field. Patience sometimes eluded him when the boys teased him during training.

But lately patience eluded him when it came to her... Isabella Harver was driving him crazy, and that, at the moment, was beyond his clear attraction to the woman since the first time he saw her. It had more to do with the fact that she had been ignoring him since the last night they spent together, where everything ended chaotically, with no explanation from her. And that was bothering him, not the lack of explanation itself. Pedri could deduce how complicated the situation was from what he witnessed, but not knowing how Axel was, how they both were, hurt him more than he expected. Pedri wanted to understand what was happening, wanted to help in some way, and wanted to understand how someone could leave a child like Axel in that way. The player himself didn't understand his obsession with the incident; he didn't have the right to explanations. But something inside him tightened every time he remembered the child's anguished cry and Isa's frightened look.

"You know, if it were me receiving the news that I could play again, I'd be more excited than this," Gavi pointed at Pedri. "Is Isa still keeping you in the dark?" Pedri looked annoyed at Gavi. " What? You're pretty obvious about your feelings towards her. Your luck is that you don't run into her much around here," Gavi shrugged, and Pedri threw a towel at his face. "Your reaction just proves my point..."

"There's no feelings, it's just..." Pedri couldn't finish his sentence as he was interrupted by Gavi bursting into laughter, causing Pedri to roll his eyes.

"Dude, you've been drooling over her since the first time you saw her. I'm your best friend, you can admit it to me," Gavi said after calming down.

"It's complicated," Pedri says after a few seconds of silence.

"I think you guys are making it more complicated than it is," Gavi concluded patting Pedri's shoulder and letting him alone with his thoughts. Pedri thought Gavi was right, but he also had a point. It was true, that the woman had a strange magnetism that attracted him, but there was everything else that made their relationship complicated that he couldn't simply ignore.

**********************************************

Isa was sitting at her father's kitchen table, watching Axel bake a cake with Gianna, or rather, his "Gigi" as the little boy called the older woman, his grandfather's girlfriend, who despite loving the child, joked that she was too young to be called a grandmother, yet. Isa loved the affection she had for Axel, and was grateful for her presence in her father's life, and theirs too, after all, who else would teach Axel to cook considering Isa was a disaster in the kitchen?

"Can we add M&Ms? My friend Pedri loves them, so I can bring him some cake tomorrow," Axel suggested eagerly.

"Of course we can, it's your cake," the older woman said, kissing the child's head as he celebrated excitedly.

He didn't even seem like the scared child from two nights ago when she picked him up from his paternal grandparents' house. Just remembering the state he was in made Isa feel sick to her stomach. The situation had gone too far, and she wouldn't allow it to happen again.

"Axel talks a lot about Pedri," Isa looked at her father, who had approached quietly, and as she faced him, she just knew he wanted to ask something, but he would never do it directly.

"He befriended with some players." She shrugged backing her attention to her son.

"He also told me he was the one who brought you guys home that night," the man continued in his not-so-subtle attempt to extract something from his daughter.

"Yes, we were at a barça event, and I needed a ride, and he was the only sober one..." The man smiled gently at his daughter; he knew her better than anyone and knew her ways of avoiding a subject.

"When are you and Axel going back to your house?" He asked.

"Are you kicking us out? Don't you love us anymore?" Isa pouted dramatically, earning an eye roll from the older man.

"I adore having you around... Especially when it's by choice and not because you're running away from someone, even though, I don't know from who you are hiding," Isa turned to the man, confused.

"You can't let that man and his family continue to torment you and Axel, Isabella. You shouldn't even be trying to get close to those people."

"Those people, are Axel's family too."

"They don't care about him, and you know it. They only care about making your life a hell"

Isa didn't answer, not knowing exactly how she should respond even though she knew her father was right, she tried to have a good relationship with them because of Axel, but since that night some days ago, she was willing to give up on that, her child didn't deserve all that stress.

"He's going to invite him to his birthday," Isa looked confused at her father. "Pedri!" He exclaims. "I'm just informing you that I won't tolerate any trouble in my house, if this is going to cause trouble, it's better to tell Henry and his family not to come." Isa looked surprised at the man, as if she had been caught doing something, the older man's eyes indicated that he knew something, and that made the woman feel a strange feeling.

"There won't be an trouble, why would be?" She asked nervously as she got up.

"My beloved and favorite daughter..." The ironic smile on her father's face made Isa roll her eyes.

"It would be strange if I weren't, been your only one" she responded mimicking his tone.

"I know you think you're subtle, but you have the most emotive and transparent eyes there are," he said, kissing Isa's head, who didn't respond.

Her father's remark left a bitter taste and a strange sensation in her core. Isa was aware of her not-so-small attraction to the player, but it was just that, attraction. She couldn't develop feelings, let alone be expressive about them. She sighed in frustration as she drove to the training center, just hoping not to encounter the player.

**********************************************

"Hey, guys," Ferran says as he enters the physiotherapy room. "Look, Pedri. Who I bumped into on my way here," Pedri lifted his eyes from his phone towards his friend. "Mini you."

"Pedriiii" Axel said, running into the physiotherapy room, but stopped and walked slowly to the bed where Pedri was lying.

"Hey buddy, I didn't see you these days," Pedri said to the little boy, who leaned against the bed, resting his head and attentively watching every move of the physiotherapist. "Are you okay?"

"Mom is looking for schools for me," he said rolling his little eyes, eliciting laughter from the players.

"I feel you, buddy," Ferran said, running his hand through Axel's hair. "Can I do it too?" Axel asked after a few minutes of silence while watching the physiotherapist tape the small electrical wrist electrodes onto Pedri's leg to start the treatment. The physiotherapist looked at Pedri as if asking for permission, and the player felt his chest warm at the thought of being responsible for the little boy.

"Won't it be too strong for him?" Pedri asked, concerned. The man smiled at him, shaking his head.

"I'll set it to a low frequency. It'll feel like tickles." Pedri then looked at Axel, who was looking at him expectantly, waiting for the player's response.

"Alright, let's do it, buddy," Pedri laughed as the little boy jumped excitedly. The doctor picked him up and placed him on the bed next to Pedri.

"If only all my players were this excited about physiotherapy sessions," the older man said with a sigh, making Pedri laugh.

"I'm quite cooperative."

"I won't comment, so as not to embarrass you in front of the child."

"I'm not worse than Gavi," Pedri said offended.

"You're impatient, and Gavi is... Well, Gavi," Pedri chuckled. "Come on, little buddy, I'm going to turn it on, let me know if it hurts."

Axel nodded, reaching out his hand for Pedri to hold, and the player promptly held. Axel closed one of his eyes in expectation, but as soon as it started he let out a laugh.

"Aw, it tickles," Axel laughed with wide eyes looking at the player.

"Oh, I wish mine was just a tickle..." Ferran sighed as he lay down on the examination table. Pedri nodded in agreement and then turned his attention to Axel, who seemed frustrated.

"Is everything okay, buddy?" The little boy looked at Pedri and made a face.

"This is boring, can I take it off?" Pedri chuckled at the child's impatience. In the short time he had known Axel, he knew Axel was too energetic and talkative for a physiotherapy session.

"Of course, let me help you." Pedri leaned over to remove the equipment from Axel's leg. Once he finished, the little boy jumped off the table excitedly and began walking around the room, examining every detail.

Pedri and Ferran laughed as they watched him carefully follow the physiotherapist, curious about the man's work. Then Axel grabbed a band and went over to Pedri, mimicking the therapist's movements.

"You've lost your job, Mattia," the older man chuckled as he watched the scene unfold.

After exploring everything in the room and asking about each piece of equipment, Axel grew tired and went to sit on the same examination table as Pedri, his little legs on the player's lap. He casually recounted to Pedri about the schools he had visited with his mother. The little boy didn't seem as scared as when Isa had found him that night, but he also wasn't the same boy the player had gotten used to, which intrigued and worried Pedri.

Before he could continue the conversation with the boy, the scent of the perfume that had been etched in his mind hit him, and immediately his eyes darted to the door. And there she was, three days since he last saw the woman, and she looked even more beautiful. Realizing where his thoughts were, he shook his head. He was angry at her; she had put him in various kinds of situations and simply disappeared, leaving him in the dark, confused, and distressed with a whirlwind of emotions.

"Axel... What did I say about you wandering around?" Axel jumped in surprise at the woman's voice. The reaction made Pedri laugh.

"Hi, Mommy... But it was just a little bit, just to get here, then I sat down, right Pedri?" Axel said in a sweet voice, clearly attempting to deceive his mother, and Pedri had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing at the boy's excuse. "Right, Pedri?" He repeated, poking Pedri.

"Oh sure, he sat the whole time," Pedri said, looking at Isa, and noticed she was also holding back laughter.

"Oh, great. You found someone else to cover for you besides your grandpa. You can't be friends if you're going to be against me," she said, crossing her arms. Axel shrugged with a mischievous smile. "We need to go home, baby," she said, and Axel's smile faded. He stood up and moved behind the player, hugging his neck.

"No, I want to stay here," he said in a whiny voice. Pedri looked at Isa as if seeking answers. The woman sighed and sat on the examination table next to the player, her mere proximity already causing sensations in Pedri.

"Axel, sweetheart. You need to let Pedri get back to his physiotherapy; you don't want him to get back to playing?" She said softly.

"He can stay, I don't mind," Pedri said quietly to the woman, who simply nodded and leaned against the wall. Pedri and Isa's gazes didn't waver, both maintaining eye contact as if engaged in a silent conversation, seeking answers.

Isa looked away when the physiotherapist returned to the room, giving a brief smile to the woman.

"Five more minutes, and I'll let them go," he said to Isa, who just nodded, confused. "Your boys were very cooperative, one doing the exercises correctly, and the other helping me treat the other players." Upon hearing this, Pedri saw the woman's face turn red, her eyes widened, and then she began to cough. "Oh, dear. Are you alright? Would you like some water?" Mattia asked, approaching and patting the woman's back.

"It's the excitement of seeing her two boys," Ferran's voice, which Pedri thought had been sleeping until now, startled him, and the woman's coughing increased as she looked at him with a deadly glare.

"I'll wait outside," she said, leaving the room. Pedri looked at Ferran, who had a mocking smile on his face, and grabbed a bottle and threw it at him.

"What, I'm lightening the mood; the tension between you two is palpable. I was sleeping and could still feel it." Pedri decided to ignore his friend since Axel was looking at both with curiosity.

"Hey buddy, why don't you go see your mom? I'll be there in a bit." The little boy nodded and hopped off the examination table, running out of the room just as Mattia returned to release Pedri. The player then left the room, a bit apprehensive that they might have already left, but to his surprise, both were waiting in the hallway. Isa was crouched down at Axel's height, helping him search for something in his backpack.

"You can give him his later or ask Pedri to give it to him," Pedri heard Isa say to the boy.

"Hey," Pedri said, stopping beside them. "Is everything okay?" Isa just nodded.

"Here, is an invitation to my birthday party. You're coming, right?" Axel said, handing the envelope to Pedri, eagerly awaiting his response.

"Of course, buddy," Pedri said, tousling Axel's hair, who smiled excitedly and hugged Pedri's leg.

"I'll go deliver Ferran's," the boy said, turning to his mother, waiting for her approval, and as soon as she agreed, he ran back to the physiotherapy room. Pedri turned his attention to the woman who was staring intensely at him, feeling his heart race at the intensity of her gaze.

"Do you want to come with us to have some birthday cake?" She said, breaking the silence between them, and God, the softness of her voice... If she used that tone to ask the player anything, he would gladly accept.

"Is his birthday today?" Pedri asked, concerned. The boy had mentioned his birthday, but hadn't mentioned dates.

"Tomorrow. The party will be next week because of the game this weekend, but he has a cake to sing 'Happy Birthday' at midnight, it's tradition. He'll be happy if you're there;" she said, leaning against the wall. Pedri took a step towards her, coming face to face with the woman, their faces just inches apart, and he could feel her heavy breath.

"Just him?" Pedri asked, and he saw the woman furrow her eyebrows in confusion. "Will only he like it if I'm there?" he asked eagerly, Isa swallowed, her eyes scanning the player's face. "Oh... You're so beautiful" Pedri says taking a good look at her face, he lowers his face towards hers his lips brushing against hers. Pedri thought his attraction to the woman was just a result of a night out at a club. Even though he hadn't had a single drop of alcohol in his body, the atmosphere of such places always had something extra. But whether it was now, or when he caught a brief glimpse of Isa as he saw her through the training center, he knew it was something more.

"Mom, we'll need an invitation for Mattia too..." Axel's voice emerging again in the hallway causes Pedro and Isa to abruptly pull away, and Pedro is thankful because he is inches away from forgetting where they were and doing something with the woman right there.

"We'll bring it tomorrow," Isa says, her breath heavy. "Shall we go home now? We still need to stop by Pops to get your cake."

"YESSS," Axel says excitedly, then turns his attention back to Pedro. "Do you want to come to eat my cake?" Pedri smiles at the question, not at the question itself, but at the way he asked it, with the same intonation that his mother had used earlier. Isa smiled proudly at Pedri as if she understood what he was thinking.

"Of course, buddy. I'd love to."

"YAY," Axel exclaimed excitedly, jumping onto the player so that he could lift him. Pedri smiled at the little boy, planting a kiss on the top of his head, and as he walked down the hallway, with Axel in his arms and Isa by his side, his only thought was that he could and wanted to get used to this... definitively.

********************************************

The way to her father's house, it was silent, well, at least on Isa's part, considering that Axel and Pedri were engaged in an intense conversation about Axel starting at Barça's football school. Isa had even tried to join the conversation but soon stopped trying, feeling like she was intruding on something of theirs. And if she didn't know how much her son loved her, she would start feeling jealous of what he had with the player. Speaking of him, Isa was feeling nervous about his presence, and she began to wonder where her head was when she invited him to eat Axel's birthday cake, but before she knew it, the words were already coming out of her mouth, so now she has to deal with his presence, and that makes her nervous.

When she stopped in front of her father's house, she was immensely grateful that his reaction was just that of a Barcelona fan, not that of a curious father, or it would add even more to her nervousness.

The player and her father spent about 10 minutes talking about soccer, Pedri's injury, and his return to the field. Of course, the conversation between the two eventually led to Axel casually asking his grandfather, "But pops, I thought Gavi was your favorite." The question made the man choke in embarrassment, and Pedri laughed at the situation. But Isa knew her son, and for him to be "against" his grandfather, considering how close they were, the only reason was that her child was jealous of the player.

As soon as they arrived at the apartment, Axel insisted on showing the player his room, who wasn't at all surprised to see that it was all decorated in Barcelona colors. Isa listened to their interaction from the kitchen until the player's surprised tone caught her attention, and she sneakily walked to the boy's room.

"Axel, what's this?" Pedri was facing the wall, looking at Axel's photo mural, and Isa knew exactly what had caught his attention. "Is Gavi your favorite too?" he asked indignantly.

"Nooo," the boy said laughing, and Pedri turned to him with narrowed eyes.

"You're not being convincing laughing like that," the player concluded, taking a photo with his phone, probably to send to his friend.

"Show him your shirts, honey," Isa said, appearing in the doorway, catching the attention of both. Axel ran to the closet, pulling the player with him, and Isa saw the player's surprised face; Axel had several Barcelona shirts, all with the number 8 and the player's name.

"Okay, I can forgive you now, buddy," Pedri laughs, tousling Axel's hair, as he bends down to pick something from the drawer. "Of course, there's one to ruin the fun." He shows Isa the shirt with Gavi's number, making her burst into laughter.

"It's a gift from pops, I told you Gavi is his favorite," Axel says, finding the situation amusing as well.

"Axel, sweetheart, go take a shower so we can cut your cake," Isa says to her son, who eagerly runs to the bathroom. Isa was thankful every day that he hadn't yet reached the phase where children dislike bathing.

Her attention returned to the player, who was looking at her expectantly once again. Isa wasn't sure what to do; she had never brought anyone to her apartment before, and the player made her nervous.

"Let's go to the kitchen," she said in a lower tone, and Pedri nodded, following her out of the room. Along the way, he examined the various photos scattered around the place, stopping in front of another photo wall in the living room, and analyzing each one.

And Isa took the opportunity to observe him. God, he was so handsome, she thought. Everything about him, the hair, the beard. Isa had seen many comments from the player's fans asking him to get rid of the beard, but she would protest against that.

"Earth to Isabella," Isa snapped out of her thoughts when she saw the player standing right in front of her. "What were you thinking that made you blush like that?" Pedri had a playful grin on his face, that made Isa distance herself abruptly from him.

"What were you talking about?" She asked breathlessly.

"You have a photo with Gavi too," he showed the Polaroid to Isa. "Does he spend a lot of time with you guys? I'm starting to think your whole family has a not-so-subtle crush on Gavira," Pedri tried to say nonchalantly, but his clenched jaw gave away a flash of jealousy, making Isa laugh, and then she approached the player.

"Are you jealous of Gavi?" Isa felt the player's hand on her waist pulling her closer, once again her face just inches away from his, Isa could feel her heart beating so fast she was sure the player could hear it, and that was very new for her. "I took the photo to make my dad jealous. Axel and I don't joke when we say he's his favorite. Also, he spends a few days in the office after his physiotherapy and recovery sessions. He's too impatient to just watch you guys training," Isa also suspected that this wasn't the only reason he visited her in the administrative part of the training center, but she wouldn't talk about it now.

Pedri nodded and leaned in towards the woman, Isa held her breath, and before she could feel the player's lips, her phone rang. She stepped back, and Pedri muttered a curse word. As soon as she saw who it was, all the ecstasy and calmness of the moment vanished. She hung up the call, and it didn't take long for the device to beep, indicating the arrival of messages.

"Answer the damn phone!!!"

"What are you thinking!!!! Are you out of your mind? First, you invade my parents' house and take my son, and now you're hanging out with teenagers?"

Isa felt her body go cold when Henry sent numerous photos taken by fans showing her leaving the training center with Pedri and Axel in the player's arms.

"I'm coming right now, that damn player better not be with you, or I'll do something stupid. We're still married, and the judge will know that"

Isa felt her whole life being sucked out of her; she knew Henry didn't care about Axel, it wasn't about him but about her, and the mere possibility of her being with someone else.

"Pedri, you better go," Isa said, turning to the player who was looking at her attentively.

"What happened?" He asked, concerned. He tried to approach, but Isa stepped back, feeling tears rolling down her face.

"Isa... You're just like that night, you need to tell me what's going on." He tried to get closer again, and once again Isa backed away, she saw the hurt expression on the player's face, and it hurt her own heart a little.

"This can't keep happening, you leaving me in the dark like this... Seeing you like this, seeing how Axel was that night, it's tormenting me," Pedri said impatiently.

"This is none of your business," Isa said firmly, wiping the tears from her face. Pedri opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, he ran his hand through his beard in an irritated gesture. Isa saw her phone vibrating again, and another message from Henry appeared

"Is this why you're asking for a divorce? Oh baby, if you think I'm going to let that boy near you..."

"Go away, Pedri," Isa repeated. Pedri didn't respond, he just turned and left the apartment.

"Pedriiii" Axel's voice calling the player from the room was all it took for Isa to collapse into uncontrollable tears.

**********************************************

Pedri was relieved to be back on the team's list for a match after his injury recovery time. The medical department was still cautious about clearing him, and with the Champions League quarterfinal games coming up, he would have to endure one more match before being on the field. But just being able to be on the bench with his teammates already felt like a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. However, he couldn't ignore a certain heaviness weighing on his chest, and it was ruining his mood, with the person responsible just a few meters away from him in the tunnel leading to the field, too focused on her phone to notice anything around her.

"Dude, she's gonna melt if you keep staring at her like that," Ferran said, approaching his friend. "I thought HR was clear with you guys, and you're not being subtle at all."

Pedri rolled his eyes at the memory of what happened. After leaving the woman's apartment, his phone received a flood of notifications with tags on his photo with Isa and Axel, leading them both to explain to HR. Well, Isabella explained, claiming they were just colleagues, and that her son was a big fan and happened to run into the player in the parking lot, and that was their only interaction. Pedri was shocked at how easily the woman lied, or rather, omitted information, as she left out that a large part of their interaction occurred when they both were naked.

Pedri could feel the same irritation he felt on the day of the meeting returning at that moment, especially when he saw a man in Atlético's coaching staff approaching the woman. Pedri saw the woman's entire body language change suddenly, assuming a more defensive posture, and this intrigued him.

Pedri could hear Ferran talking beside him, but he wasn't paying attention to what he was saying exactly, his focus completely on the woman. And when the man grabbed Isa's arm forcefully, pulling her towards him with his finger in her face, Pedri saw red, his legs moving before he could think to do so. He heard Ferran calling him, but his voice was already distant, Pedri pushed the man hard, getting him off Isa.

"Look, one of your kids is here," the man said in an ironic tone, and that was enough for Pedri to punch him in the face, and soon they were grappling with each other. And that was enough for a general commotion to start in the tunnel, players pushing players, coaching staff from both teams trying to break up the fight. Pedri felt a hand on his arm, squeezing it tightly, pulling him away from the crowd.

"You can't do this!" The woman's voice brought him back from his trance suddenly, he was alert to everything around him again, notice that he was in another room, he looked at Isa, who had a furious look on her face.

"Are you okay?" Pedri asked, approaching the woman, holding her face between his hands, Isa looked at him confused.

"If I'm okay?" She asked incredulously, Pedri lowered his eyes to the woman's arm, which bore the marks of the man's grip, and again he felt anger consuming him. "Do you have any idea what you've done? The trouble you've caused me, that you've caused both of us?" She asked, getting agitated.

"I was defending you!" Pedri shouted back.

"I didn't ask for that, I didn't ask for your help!" Pedri raised his arms mockingly.

"Can you stop with this nonsense? You can't sleep with me, tell me 'it's not like that,' use your sweet tone of voice with me, claim my skin and thoughts, and then say it's none of my business." Isa opened her mouth to respond, but before she could say anything, the door swung open abruptly, instinctively Pedri pulled Isa behind him.

"What the hell was that? Have you gone crazy?" Pedri relaxed when he saw it was just Xavi, a very angry Xavi, and he knew he had messed up. The coach looked at Pedri's hand holding Isa's wrist. "Don't tell me you got into a fight over a woman, Pedri. Over a woman you and her swore was nothing when HR asked." He said in a calmer tone of voice.

"I was just defending min..."

"I told you not to tell me!" Xavi exclaimed annoyed. "Do you know the mess you've caused? This could cost us a lot. You're not gonna be on the bench, you're suspended, go home, Pedri." Pedri tried to say something but was soon stopped by Xavi, who was furious again. The door swung open again, and a member of the communication team entered the room.

"Isabella, we need you here, the match referee wants explanations, but the Atlético communication team wants to talk to you first," the girl called for Isa, who untangled herself from Pedri, before leaving the room she gave one last look at the player, and then left for good. Pedri turned around angrily, kicking the chair that was there.

"I guess your brother won't be able to deny this rumor on social media, right?" Xavi said breaking the silence, Pedri looked up to see his coach and could tell the older man had a slight smirk on his face. "Did you at least hit him properly?" Pedri just nodded, and Xavi gave a proud smile, patting the player's shoulder. "Go home, kid," said the older man leaving the room.

Pedro was soon escorted out of the stadium by a member of the coaching staff. Pedri didn't see Isa anymore, and that annoyed him, his phone soon beeped indicating a message from HR, for a new meeting, he rolled his eyes and before he could block the phone, a message from an unknown number arrived.

"I appreciate what you did, but this can't happen, things like this can ruin my, and especially your career. This was a mistake from the beginning, and whatever is happening or has happened between you and me, it's over here. Everything between us will be strictly professional. Please respect my decision, and I hope this doesn't ruin your friendship with Axel!!"

Pedri felt his heart tighten, and his breath caught in his throat, he always reassured his friends and himself, that everything between him and the woman was just a physical attraction, but at that moment, with that message, he was sure there was something more, and as much as she denied it, Pedri knew there was something more from her side too, but if she wanted to run away from it, and wanted everything to be professional, then, so be it.

**********************************************

N/A: Again, I apologize for the delay. I hope you liked it. I've revised this chapter many times, BUT as I promised to post it today, something must have slipped, I promise to review it during the week. Thank you for all the comments, likes, reblogs, and asks, I LOVE seeing your reaction and opinion, it warms my heart!!

[pastafossa]

I love you guys. I hope you know that.

Like.

Ok so I posted the new TRT chapter the other day. Obviously. And I had to force myself to do it, to click that final, 'post' button because at that last moment, this big wave of imposter syndrome hit (that had already hit on and off as I'd started working on the chapter again). And it was just this cycle of, 'It's been like 6 months since you posted a chapter or anything other than a couple one-shots and you're out of practice, I bet it's bad, it's probably terrible, I bet everyone's left and no one cares about this thing you love so why do you? What if no one likes it, you're gonna drop this and everyone's gonna god 'wtf is this, pasta? what happened?'' And so I forced myself to post it, took my meds to ensure I slept, and then kinda just bunkered down and slept/hid because I was halfway convinced that all the trauma in the previous six months had just bopped any ability I had to write.

Instead I got this outpouring, of just like, 'WELCOME BACK' and people telling me they're happy that mom is ok (which made me cry but in a good way) and they're sorry Cato passed away (more tears, but comforted tears), but also delightful jokes about the funny lines I put in or screaming over that romantic line or about missing Jane and the dynamics and comments about being eager for the next chapter, and how now I can be one of those AO3 authors with those notes of 'yeah my life blew up so I was delayed, but hey I'm back!' which... yeah. And much like when I first started TRT, I didn't... really expect that at all, and it's made me really emotional.

So if you've dropped into my ask box or the comments or the replies, seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, because the excitement and love and just you all being the best little fam and continuing on this journey of TRT with me - a journey that has now included both Matt and Jane's journey, and a real life journey through a pandemic, a huge move, a passing of two of my pets, my mom's hospitalization and recovery, some heart issues, the cancellation and resurrection of the show, me meeting Charlie Cox and getting him to hold a red thread, my first wood carving event, etc - and I know I say this a lot, but you all really, really help me keep going when things get hard. I'd write TRT for nothing, I would, because I love this story and I intend to see it through, but ya'll just... I love you all tons. I'm hoping to get through the asks and fic comments and replies in the next few days, but I just wanted you guys to know that.

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 36

Eminem x Female Reader Fanfiction

Synopsis : Reader and Em celebrate their first Thanksgiving together and she finally meets Kim.

MARSHALL’S POV 

-FLASHBACK- 

The last thing Marshall expected was to get married again. After his second failed marriage to Kim, he swore he was done with marriage, and that he was done with her. He still loved her very much but he had to admit it eventually : it was never going to work between the two of them. Letting go of her and of their relationship was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do (even getting sober seemed easier than this), but he knew he had to, at least for the sake of his daughters. Every time they got back together after a breakup, the girls got their hopes up and it was heartbreaking. Plus, they were growing up and already smarter than their parents. It wouldn’t take long for them to realize that they were struggling, constantly cheating on each other, abusing substances… They simply couldn’t keep going on like this. When he got out of the courthouse after their second divorce was final, he swore he would never get married ever again, much less get back with her. And yet, more than a decade after, he was standing in a chapel with Kim, a minister and Paul as their witness. It wasn’t your usual wedding. In fact, it could barely qualify as a wedding. There was no service, no white dress, no guests… It was probably the best kept secret in America. Save for Paul and the minister, no one knew they were tying the knot again, not even his daughters. In fact, they were the last people he wanted to find out. They would never understand why their parents were getting married again. The first time, they got married on a whim, right before a tour. Kim had pressured him to propose because she feared he would be unfaithful while on tour (which eventually happened). The second time around, he actually pressured her into accepting when he proposed on the occasion of the fifteenth anniversary of their first date, only to file for divorce after less than ninety days of marriage. This time, though, that had nothing to do with love. He was marrying Kim out of necessity. She had tried to off herself, once again and, this time, she almost succeeded. If paramedics hadn’t been remarkably quick to save her, she would have left four children behind. Marshall was distraught by the thought that his kids could lose their mother. He knew he had to step up and do something. Especially when he was the one to blame in the first place for her substance abuse. 

Kim was a bit hard to convince this time, when he suggested they get married, but she ended up agreeing that it might make sense. If he was her husband, he would be able to make medical decisions and if, God forbid, something had to happen to her, it would be his responsibility to take care of her funeral, estate and her son’s upbringing. Otherwise, it would fall onto his daughters to do it all and care for Parker, but they were far too young for this. Kim didn’t love him anymore but she had always relied on him and his support when it came to her health, so she accepted. None of them were especially happy to tie the knot again but, at least, things would be taken care of. 

They got married in the utmost secrecy, Paul being the only person they knew who was aware of the wedding. Of course, the manager tried to dissuade him from marrying Kim again, but to no avail. The whole thing was expeditive : it took ten minutes, both of them wearing sweat suits and sneakers, no rings, going their separate ways after. Him leaving for a studio session in California, her going back to her rehab center. 

After that, they didn’t see each other for months, though they often spoke on the phone. They didn’t really mention being married again, save for a couple of jokes about how it might actually be their most successful attempt at a marriage. Maybe it was the best kept secret after all : you can be successful in marriage if you don’t love your spouse, don’t live with them and are only in this for practical reasons. They also didn’t really worry about a potential divorce. They had signed a prenup that would make it easy but they highly doubted it would come to that. They were pretty adamant about never getting married ever again (for real this time), to anyone else. They’d been broken up for a while and they didn’t love each other like that anymore, but they were in agreement that it would be unlikely for any of them to fall in love again, with anyone else. She wasn’t in a psychological state to date, and he was unavailable emotionally. As far as he was concerned, music was the only lady he was committed to, and he could make do with one night stands. When your relationships with women have been failures, you start to resign eventually. So he was at peace with his decision. It wasn’t like he wanted to be in a serious relationship with someone ever again anyway. 

-END OF FLASHBACK-

He never really expected to regret marrying Kim for the third time. That was until Y/N walked in his life and things became more than serious between the two of them. At the beginning, even though he was head over heels in love with her, he sort of expected things to blow up between the two of them, so he didn’t bother telling her he was married. And sure enough, that’s what happened : they broke up because they were not in agreement when it came to the future, namely the topics of marriage and kids. He was distraught when she left but he didn’t blame her : she deserved to be happy and to have all her dreams come true. He knew he could not marry her and give her kids anyway. Letting her go was hard, but he loved her enough not to stand in the way of her dreams. But, by some divine miracle, she came back to him and their relationship got serious pretty fast. They even moved in together. He knew he probably should tell her, but he could never find the right time. First, they got back together, then some drama ensued when she learned that his assistant almost blew him a few days earlier, then they went on vacation with his family, then they almost broke up because he was a trauma-ridden asshole… He didn’t want to lie to her, but he also didn’t want to lose her. He could have gotten over his guilt by telling himself that no one else knew anyway, but when she mentioned him not being married to Kim anymore, he could barely ignore it. He knew he would have to tell her eventually, and hoped that she would understand. Because there was no way he could live without her. She was the one he wanted to grow old with. She might very well be the love of his life. So much so that, if he hadn’t been married to Kim, he might have considered proposing. That’s how in love he was. But for now, he could only pray everything would go well for their first holiday together. 

Y/N’s POV 

It was your first Thanksgiving with Marshall and you were happy to spend your first holiday together as a couple, after an eventful week. It was your first time seeing his brother and his family as an official girlfriend and, most of all, you were finally going to meet Kim. You knew you didn’t really have anything to worry about - Marshall had been pretty adamant - but you were starting to feel nervous as she walked through the door and you set your eyes on her for the first time. She was much taller than you, rather charismatic. There was something about the way she carried herself that made her sort of impressive. 

Hi ! You must be Y/N ! I’m Kim. It’s so nice to finally meet you, she said in a friendly tone. 

You too, you said shyly. 

Marshall stroked the back of your hand before greeting her. Their daughters were here, as well as Parker, Kim’s son, which made things less awkward. Nate and his family arrived too and the house was soon filled. It was a laid back atmosphere and Marshall seemed happy to have the people he loved around him. He was joking around with his brother and his nephews, whom he hadn’t seen in a very long time. They also remembered you and seemed happy to see you. 

Uncle Marshall ! Is it true that you have a girlfriend now ? Carter asked. 

It’s true, Marshall beamed. 

Hard to believe, huh ? Nate chimed in. The old man finally found someone to put up with him ! 

Where is she ? His nephew asked in excitement. 

I’m right here, you chuckled. 

Wait… I thought you were Hailie’s age, Liam asked with a hint of confusion in his eyes.

This is going to be fun, Nate said with a huge grin. 

Everyone was staring at the two of you with smirks on their faces. You blushed a little. You absolutely weren’t ashamed of your age difference, but you knew Marshall was a little more prone to this feeling. Also, there was something a bit unsettling about a child confronting you about it. 

Well, uh… I am Hailie’s age, you simply said. But sometimes, grown-ups fall in love with people who are a bit older. Or younger.

Yeah, but Uncle Marshall is like… really old, Carter said. 

Why, thanks, buddy, Marshall replied with a grin. So you expected me to end up alone or…?

No ! I figured you’d make friends at the retirement home, Liam shrugged. 

Everyone burst into a fit of laughter. Your boyfriend rolled his eyes and you could resist pecking his cheek. « I’m not that old » he muttered grumpily. Everyone hung out together and, once again, you proved bravery was not your strong suit. You methodically avoided standing anywhere near Kim. She was towering around six feet and you were feeling ridiculously small next to her. And she was definitely impressive, with some sort of mysterious aura. She was nice but, at the same time, keeping to herself and, whenever she spoke, she had some sort of sultry voice. For the first time ever, you felt conscious about your own voice and accent. Up until now, you had managed to stay sane and reasonable but you were starting to wonder what Marshall saw in you. You were not like Kim at all. Were you even his type…? Even Tracy had more in common with her. You, you were younger, nowhere near as charismatic either… To add to your misery, Kim even managed to make Marshall laugh. They obviously had their own inside jokes. Hailie, Alaina and Stevie seemed happy to spend the day with the two of them, though, and that was obviously the most important thing. 

I have a present for you, Stevie told you. Well, you and Dad, actually. 

I didn’t know we were supposed to exchange presents, you said shyly. 

We don’t, she giggled. And it’s nothing fancy ! But I hope you like it ! 

She handed you a small bag and you sat on the couch to open it, Marshall by your side. It was a photo album of gorgeous pictures she had taken with a disposable camera during your family vacations in Europe. There were a lot of candid shots of you and Marshall, that you hadn’t noticed her taking in the moment. One of the pictures was printed out and put in a frame. 

I thought you might want to have at least one picture of the two of you on display in the house, she said. 

You hugged her, almost emotional. It was a really beautiful shot of the two of you in Capri. It was taken from the back and Marshall was holding you and kissing your temple. You had spent a day on the island while you were in Italy and you absolutely loved it. You looked at the pictures in the album, reminiscing of your time in Europe. Some of them were really cute and sweet : Marshall sleeping on your shoulder on the jet, you, Hailie and Alaina drinking mocktails in Italy… Everyone looked at the photo and the girls provided commentary. 

We should really do this again, Alaina said with excitement. Europe was great ! 

It was, Marshall said with a smile. Maybe we could do that again. 

You got this man to travel and actually enjoy it ?! Nate asked you in disbelief. 

And she got him to reduce the amount of security, too, Stevie pointed out. We had a great time in Europe ! 

Who are you and what have you done to my brother-in-law ? Ashley joked. 

Is it Thanksgiving or is it “Let’s make fun of Marshall” day ? Marshall asked with an eye roll. 

Overall, you had a good day with everyone. You got to watch Marshall win his basketball game against Nate and everyone seemed to enjoy your cooking. Kim complimented you on your dish and joked that Marshall would definitely put on a few if you kept on feeding him french food. They joked around a lot and seemed like friends. In a way, they probably were. After all, Marshall had told you they met when he was fifteen and stuck together through thick and thin. After dinner, the whole family lounged in the living room, playing video games, drinking mocktails, talking… You had a great time with Nate, who made a point to call you his “favorite sister-in-law”, loud and clear right in front of Kim, who just rolled her eyes and pretended not to hear a thing. You didn’t really have the details, but you gathered they didn’t exactly get along. At some point, though, you realized that her and Marshall were nowhere to be seen. You did your best to appear unfazed. Once you were done, you stepped outside for some fresh air. You weren’t exactly big on gatherings and could feel a headache was on its way. You spotted Marshall and Kim talking from afar, seemingly having a serious conversation. At first, you didn’t think too much of it but jealousy poked its ugly head out when you saw her giving him a hug. You scoffed and went back inside, not willing to subject yourself to that. Hailie came to see you, making small talk. 

I wonder where Mom and Dad are, she said. Have you seen them ? 

I think they’re outside, talking, you replied with feigned ignorance. Do you want to go and get them ? 

It’s fine, she said. They’ve been out a long time, though. They’re probably talking about Christmas presents or something like that. 

You shrugged and quickly switched to another subject. The two of you went to the kitchen to make some tea and talk about what you could get Marshall for Christmas. She gave you a ton of ideas, which was pretty great. At some point, Kim and Marshall walked in and he chastised you for clearing the table and doing the dishes without him. 

You could have let me do it, he groaned. 

There it goes, Kim said playfully. Not a holiday unless Marshall gets grumpy. 

Not an actual day if he doesn’t get grumpy, you said with a smirk. 

Seems like you know him pretty well, she grinned. 

I don’t like this, Marshall sighed before pulling you to him and kissing your temple. 

They’re ganging up on you, Dad, Hailie warned. 

At least my children are nice to me, he said. 

Only because I need a favor, she said with a small smile. 

I knew it, he said with faux exasperation. What do you want ? Or should I ask how much this is going to cost ? 

Do you remember that one jacket that you had in one of your music videos ? I’d like to borrow it. We’re recording a new podcast episode soon and I have an outfit idea in mind, she said. 

Don’t you have your own clothes, though ? He asked with a smile. 

My followers love it when I pay tribute to you, she said. I’m merely indulging them. Please ? It’s Thanksgiving. 

Fine, he shrugged. But I’m going to need more details because “that one jacket from that one video” is a bit vague, Hay. 

Let’s just go look ! 

They went upstairs, leaving you alone with Kim. You were tempted to run away from the kitchen but it was impossible for you to do so without being painfully obvious. You were uneasy but she, on the other hand, seemed pretty comfortable. Why wouldn’t she, though ? She’d lived in that house for a while and she wasn’t new to the family either. She wasn’t the one out of place, here. You were. 

It’s, uh… It’s cute that she’s paying tribute to him in the podcast, you commented in an attempt to make small talk. 

It is, she replied with a smile. They have such a great relationship. He’s a great Dad. 

Yeah, he’s a great person, you said honestly. The best.

You’re all gushing, she teased. 

Sorry, you said awkwardly.

No, it’s sweet, she said. He’s really amazing so I’m happy he is with someone who sees it. 

I mean, he’s always been incredible to me, since we met, you confessed. 

About two years ago, right ? She asked with genuine interest. 

That’s right, you said. Our relationship is more recent, though. 

This, he told me, she chuckled. I probably shouldn’t tell you but he won’t shut up about you. 

Really ? You asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Oh, absolutely, she said. I think he even told me about you before you started dating. But that stays between us. 

Only if you told me what he said, you replied with a smile. 

The first time he ever mentioned you was when you had that incident at the bar, she said. He was pissed and worried. I could tell you meant a lot to him, by the way he talked about you. 

Oh wow, you said. I wasn’t expecting him to tell you about this. 

He doesn’t tell me everything, don’t worry, she chuckled. I happened to catch him on a day when he was pissed about it and he ended up telling me. But I could see he liked you. You know, it’s not often that he falls so hard for someone. 

I guess I’m pretty lucky, you said. 

I’d say he’s the lucky one, she pointed out. Seems like you gave up a lot to be with him. I mean, you moved to another country.

Yeah, well… He’s worth it, you said. I tried being without him and I didn’t like that. 

I saw him when you were broken up and he didn’t like it too much either, she said. You’re good for him. 

You think ? You asked with genuine curiosity. 

Well, you’re the only woman who got him to do therapy, she pointed out. Tried for years and he never agreed to it. 

You were surprised he told her about that, too. It was definitely weird, discussing your relationship with his ex wife, but her attitude put you at ease. It seemed like she genuinely wanted him to be happy. 

I’m really happy for you guys, she continued. I also wanted to thank you for having me today. I mean, you could have refused to meet me or have me in the house at all, a lot of people would have, but you didn’t. 

You debated telling her you couldn’t have put up much of a fight even if you had wanted to, since Marshall didn’t really give you a say in the matter. 

You’re welcome, you said. It’s a family holiday, both of you should be able to enjoy it with your kids. 

I’m really glad you see it this way, she said. It looks like we’ll be seeing each other a couple of times a year for a long time, so I’m really glad we get along. 

You’re not at all like I imagined, you couldn’t help but say. 

Meaning ? She asked with a grin. 

I mean… You know. You’re nice. 

She let out a hearty laugh and placed a friendly hand on your shoulder. 

Did you expect me to be the mean ex-wife full of spite ? She asked with a smirk. 

No… I mean… Kind of ? You explained sheepishly. For the record, no one spoke ill of you. But I figured… You know, there’s history. And usually, ex-wives and new girlfriends don’t get along. 

Well, there comes a point in life where you just have to accept that things don’t work out, she said. I’ll be honest : I will always love Marshall. He has saved me in more ways than one. But I’m just not in love with him anymore, you know ? Now, we’re just rooting for each other to be happy. And if that’s any comfort, I was a bit anxious to meet you, too. 

Were you ? You asked in surprise. 

Of course ! He told me you were amazing, and I know the girls like you, but… you know. You’re still the first person he fell in love with after me. It’s the end of an era. I’m not proud of it, but I guess I sort of liked having this bond with him, she explained. But hey, I’m happy for you guys. I really am. I mean, you’re so much nicer than the last one I met anyway… 

Who was it ? You asked with curiosity. 

Tracy, she said as she rolled her eyes. I hate that woman. 

Just like that, the two of you were like old friends. Proof that no one gets people closer than hating on the same person if there was ever a need for one. There was no real depth to it, just Kim feeding you old gossip and hating on Tracy. You were giggling like schoolgirls when Marshall walked back in the kitchen. 

Everything alright ? Marshall asked with his eyebrows furrowed. 

Yes, you said with a genuine smile. 

I’m telling your lovely girlfriend what a terrible man you are. Just so that she knows what to expect, Kim said jokingly. 

Marshall glared at her, obviously not amused by the joke and she simply shook her head before going back to the living room, leaving the two of you alone. 

She didn’t say anything, you reassured him. 

What’s with all the giggling then ? 

Secrets, you chuckled. You’re right, she is pretty cool. 

Mmmh, he said with a small frown. 

He seemed pretty preoccupied, as if he were actually worried that Kim might let something slip. However, you didn’t pay it too much attention. You’d had a few talks about how abusive he’d been in the past, and you figured he just didn’t want you to be reminded of that, especially when you’d gone through a rough patch. You took advantage of no one being in the room to pull him in for a deep kiss. 

I’m so in love with you, he said. 

I love you too, you said. I’m so glad we’re celebrating our first Thanksgiving together. 

Me too, he replied. I can’t even tell you how happy I am that you get along with my family. Nate told me earlier how great he thinks you are. You’re so perfect. I’m so blessed to be with you. 

So… Am I on the list of what you’re thankful for ? You mused. 

You are the list, he said before kissing your forehead. 

The two of you went back to hang out with the others. Everyone was sitting on the couch while Stevie was showing them something on her iPad. 

You guys are just in time for my yearly presentation, she said with a smile. 

Shit, I thought I managed to miss it, Marshall chortled. 

What presentation ? You asked. 

Every year on Thanksgiving, Stevie tried to guilt trip us into adopting pets from the shelter she volunteers at, Nate explaied. 

They need a home, she pointed out. 

As long as it’s not my house, Marshall said with a grin. 

We usually get out of it by donating a bunch of money, Alaina said. 

You sat on the couch, curling on Marshall’s side as Stevie did her presentation, starting with dogs. Then, she got to cats and, as soon as you saw the first one, you fell in love. It wasn’t a cute kitten you would have expected to swoon over. It was a thirteen year-old cat with feline dwarfism that gave him a grumpy look. He had a few patches of missing hair and wouldn’t qualify as a beautiful cat but there was something about him that drew you in. 

Oh my God, he is adorable, you said. 

Adorable ? That… thing ? Marshall asked with a grimace. 

Have you seen him ? You asked him with love in your eyes. 

Have you ?! 

He’s old, and he’s grumpy, and I love him already, you said. 

Old and grumpy… I think that woman has a type, Kim said, causing everyone to laugh. 

Marshall looked at you while you made eyes at him while whispering “please, please, please”. After a few seconds he sighed and agreed. 

Alright, he sighed. I guess we’re getting a cat. But please give him a cool name. I can’t have a cat with a stupid name like “Fluffy”. 

It should be rap-related, Alaina suggested. 

I like that, Marshall said. 

How about Mew Tang Clan ? You asked. Or Wiz Catlifa ? He looks like a Wiz ! 

Ok, Marshall chuckled. Anything you want. Let’s go for Wiz Catlifa. 

You jumped at his neck and kissed his cheek, feeling like a kid on Christmas Day. He wrapped an arm around your waist and kissed your temple. You’d had a shitty week but you were incredibly happy, with the man you loved by your side, who agreed to go to the shelter with you the following week. 

Eventually, after a while, everyone left. Kim was the last one to say her goodbyes. As she went through the door, she turned to Marshall and looked at him with a smile. 

Oh, and, Marsh ? You’re off the hook. Happy Thanksgiving. 

You had no idea what that meant, and you figured out it was one of their inside jokes or something like this. You were just happy that everything had gone smoothly. Plus, you actually like Kim and were happy to get along with her. Marshall, however, seemed a little puzzled. He nodded silently. 

You were all relaxed as you went to bed. The nerves had drained you out from your energy.

Are you alright, babe ? Marshall asked as you rested your head on your pillow. 

Tired, but I had a good time. I can’t believe we’re getting a cat ! You said giddily. 

Only you could make me agree, he chuckled. When our last cat died, I swore we wouldn’t get another one. But if it makes you happy… 

It does, you said with a smile. I love him already. Have you seen him ? 

I have. You picked me so I knew you had bad taste but this… This is ultimate proof, babygirl, he chuckled. 

Shut up, you said with a pout. I won’t have you speak ill of our cat. 

“Our cat”, he said pensively. I like the sound of that. It’s like starting a little family with you. 

You giggled and nuzzled his neck, placing a small kiss there and prompting him to pull you closer to him. 

You’re all romantic, you said. 

You’re worth it, he said. I love you.  And the whole family fell in love with you, it seems. 

Did they ? 

They did, he nodded. Even Kim. I don’t know how you did that, honestly. 

Maybe she’s just pretending, you said. 

I don’t think she is, he said intently. Whatever. I’m just happy they like you. 

You nodded and nuzzled his neck. 

Happy Thanksgiving, my love.

[faeriekit]

🥭 Rank from most enjoyable/fun to write to least: Fluff, Smut, Angst, Crack.

I can't remember which fic got me into your writing but I am really enjoying health and hybrids I think the attention to detail with language barriers is neat 😊 I feel like these options can be mixed a lot in writing would the ranking change depending on the combos?

I need you to know before anything that I had half this post penned and my computer randomly refreshed my post and burnt all of it. 💀

So. I can't. Uh. I can't do all of my fics on a scale, because of, um,

that. So. I'm just going to do a straight best to worst. Sound good? Great because I have no other idea how to tackle any of this.

Fluff:

Best: Snowdrift Sanctuary. Although even my best fluff has a little bit of angst in it, this is a sweet, warm story of inter-species fostering and the care it provides. What's not to love? It was even a Phic Phight fill, so I got to surprise someone with it.

Worst: Rituals and Rites. There's nothing wrong with this one; it's a cute ask fill, it's got some great silliness in it and a little irreverence, and I'm always happy to archive my stuff on ao3 lest tumblr finally pull the plug, but I always dislike uploading individual lil' things onto ao3 when there isn't much to them. It's not bad, I just...don't have a lot of fluff to pad out this binary lol

Smut:

Best: Lazy Sunday. By the time I got to this one I'd largely already hit my stride writing smut stuff, I liked how this couple gelled (and even have a few as-yet-unwritten scenes of their relationship I may never get around to!) and I like the couple as they are: weird and complicated and persevering into a yet-unseen realm of intimacy! I'm also not super into the kink in question, so it was super nice to see the piece well received by people who are into it and thought it worked well lol. How sad would it be if you tried to write a niche kink and it ended up completely flopping lmao T_T I'd never show my face in this town again.

Worst: A Visitation. Do not get me wrong, I love this fic, but you gotta remember that I wrote the first chapter completely exhausted and out of my gourd with fucking cauvid. 😭 I'm shocked it came out coherent at all! And everyone helped me workshop the last chapter, and it took forever to the point where I was writing like thousands of words a day and it was eating up my whole life...and sometimes I still go back in to reread it and I find MORE errors! 😭😭 This fic had all the birthing pains! Worth it, but OW!

Angst:

Best: Dig Three Graves In Apartment 31C. I rreeeeeeally almost put Hybrids here, but in the end, Hybrids is a hopeful recovery fic. This fic is all grief and loss and the stench of the aftermath of acute trauma in the air. It is sad— sometimes I still get comments shocked at how well it worked lol— and although the excruciatingly tough epilogue yon author had to write lifts it a little, it's not... There's no cure for this. Everyone in this picture is dead. That's just the way it is.

Worst: Feet on the Ground. A similar deal: I really like this fic but there wasn't a great ending line to close on so it's just...mediocre. I probably should have just waited to see if time would fix it, but it was a Phic Phight fill and we're kind of on a timer during the event, and I wanted to get it out so I could start working on other people's asks, so... 6/10. Fascinating concept, mid execution.

Crack:

Best: Infection versus Infestation. It was either this or one of the MPreg fills lmao, and I just. There's just so much going on here. The support network. The mental health. The powerpoint presentations. Bees. Medical pamphlets. Aliens. QPRs. Maybe the real fic is in the groupchats you made along the way. No notes hands down my one true rec for weird fics; all the way up and all the way down, it's inherently GenderFucked and surreal and young idiot adult bullshit. I love them your honor.

Worst: Percy Jackson, God of the Shrimps. A discord in-joke never makes sense as a discord out-joke. I am astounded people read this to this very day. I make it worse every time I even mention it in a post, but hey, that's showbiz. If you read this and actually found something there, more power to you. If you read this and were like "???"...yeah lmao

I'm glad you're liking health and hybrids so far! It's so funny to think that Hybrids used to be my downtime fic to recover from my other fics lmao...now it's beating Blister Pack to the tune of an additional 100,000 hits. I genuinely can't even conceptualize that number in my head. It's a such a bonkers concept that so many people could be glancing at a medical trauma fic from lil' ol' me. High school Faer who took anatomy classes for fun would be ecstatic. In the end, I tried to get a couple of unique fics to fill each category just because I like them so much. Sue me. It's my fic and sometimes I wanna talk about them with people lol.

Thanks for asking! 🧡🧡🧡🧡 This was fun!

[paintyoureyeswithavividmind]

close to home | chapter eleven

close to home | chapter eleven

plot: this chapter features the first time jump as her and Daryl grow closer on a hunting trip, but find themselves in some trouble

series masterlist

Pairing: Eventual Daryl Dixon x f!reader Word Count: 2,289 Warnings: violence, blood A/N: thanks for reading! (also, the timeline between s3 and s4 always confuses me a bit, so just go with it lol) I am still in recovery after surgery, it went well, so updates might be slow for a little while. I can’t even put my laptop on my stomach lol

It had been weeks since your group took in the people from Woodbury. Things were improving every single day after that. The prison expanded its resources, and everyone chipped in. The courtyard had a dining room awning, and flowers and herbs grew. The front meadow held pigs, horses, and crops. A water pump brought water into the prison daily, and with gas coming in from runs, the generators were running from time to time. Hunting parties brought in a circulation of food to feed everyone. While there wasn’t plenty, there was enough.

Newcomers seemed to come in steadily, and a council was formed. You were offered a seat, and while you wanted to decline it, Michonne and Carol talked you into it. They believed you got a voice after all the help you did. And you were family. 

Summer was in full bloom. It was nearly a hundred degrees out daily, and even though you hated the heat, you couldn’t find reasons to hate anything. Not with how happy things have been, not with how happy you’ve been. 

In the time you’ve been here, you and Michonne have grown exceptionally close. The two of you joined the group around the same time and went through many of the same motions. But she wasn’t the person you were closest to. 

“Hey, you comin’ or what?” Daryl yelled over at you. 

Your hair was still damp from the shower you had earlier today, and it dripped down on your gray t-shirt. The shower was probably not the best idea since you started sweating when you stepped out into the Georgia heat. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” You waved him off, walking up to Carol. She handed you a bag full of the needed supplies, and you thanked her before walking over to Carl, sitting at the table. You finally found Tora there, and she meowed when you rubbed behind her ears. “I should’ve known you would’ve stolen her right from me. Little traitor.” You said, lightly flicking the rim of Carl’s hat. 

“It’s not my fault she likes me so much,” Carl laughed, feeding her some meat. 

You hummed and leaned down, kissing Tora on her head. “You just watch her while I’m gone.” But you didn’t need to worry about that, as Tora took a very quick liking to the boy and bounced back and forth between you and him. He knew all her whistles and commands, and you knew Carl always closely watched the giant cat. Especially since she was so popular with the children.

“Come on, I don’ got all day,” Darl yelled again. 

You rolled your eyes as you finally approached him, adjusting the strap on your bag. “Take a chill pill, Daryl. The sun’s only been up twenty minutes. You have all day with me. You don’t gotta rush me outta here,” You replied. 

He scuffed, and you laughed at his reaction as you walked over to your jeep. “Come on, we don’t wanna be late,” You said. 

***

It was a bit cooler once you and Daryl got to your usual hunting grounds. The trees provided ample shading, but the breeze was still warm, and it was still early. You were a good few miles away from the prison, where the walkers were more spread out and the noise level was quieter. Still, you’d taken out quite a number of them. 

Despite the heat, the ground was still a bit damp from the rain last night, and your jeans soaked through as you knelt on the ground, checking the snare traps. It took you and Daryl about twenty minutes to go through the cycle, and you successfully caught three rabbits, four squirrels, and a groundhog. You reset the snares and would come back tomorrow. 

You heard a whistle and turned back to Daryl, who pointed toward the ground. Your eyes narrowed, and you walked over, trying to see what it was. “Walker?” You asked. 

“Nah, person,” He said. 

“How do you know?” You asked. 

“You see here,” He pointed, “The footprints are in a line. Ain’ zig zaggin’ all ‘ver the place.” He knelt down and moved some of the leaves away from the trail. “How many?”

You knelt down beside him and looked, taking a few more seconds than he did to come up with an answer. “Just one. Only one set of boot marks.” Daryl nodded in confirmation, and you smiled at him before standing up. “Soon, I’ll be an expert tracker like you,” You said. 

“You only been doin’ it a couple weeks, give it a few more years,”

You laughed and swung your bag around, grabbing your canteen of water and taking a sip. “It’s hot out here today,” You said and handed him the water. After he took a sip you put it away. “I bet it’s the end of July,”

“Maybe,” He muttered, looking at another pair of tracks on the ground, “Come ‘ere, check ‘em out,”

You walked over and looked, not recognizing what they were. “Some type of bird?”

“I think wild turkeys, trail goes this way. Look kinda fresh too,”

“Maybe we should follow them if we can catch some and bring them back, that’s fresh eggs during their breeding season, and we can raise a number of them in the meadow or something,” You said, “Maybe depending on how many we find we can kill a couple. Have Thanksgiving in July,” You laughed. 

Daryl shook his head and turned, but you caught him smiling before he did. 

***

An hour later, you and Daryl were still tracking the turkey tracks when you came across a lake, It was small but crystal clear, and there were plenty of animal tracks around the muddy bank. It was getting warmer, and you’d thrown your hair up in a ponytail. 

The trees were forty feet back and the meadow gave a really nice viewpoint of the area around you. You weren’t exactly sure of where you were, other than north of the prison. You didn’t need to say anything to Daryl, you both knew that this was a good place to take a breather and have your breakfast. 

“You wanna know what I miss more than anything?” You asked, biting into a well-expired granola bar. You didn’t need to wait for him to answer. “Chocolate chip pancakes. Or waffles. I loved breakfast food. Lots of syrup and butter. So much better than this shit,” You said. 

“I liked the grits we found,” He said. 

You groaned, “Ugh, I hate that crap. I hate the texture.” 

“It’s filling, though,” He countered. 

You shrugged your shoulders and leaned back in the grass. The sun was heavy on you, and a part of you wanted to take a swim through the lake. It’d been so long since you’d been swimming. But you only had another hour or so before heading back. The council decided smaller hunting parties wouldn’t go out for long hours at a time. It was too risky after a couple of newbies never came back. 

The little break you and Daryl took was enough to make you curl up and go to sleep. Just like everyone else, your sleeping schedule wasn’t what it should be. Days were long, even though life was easier.

“We should get goin’ in a minute,” Daryl said but went against his words and laid back a few feet away from you. 

You sighed but didn’t say anything. It was peaceful out here, despite the danger around every tree. Still, it reminded you of when it was just you and Tora. When your days were spent wandering the forest for food and scaling trees to avoid passing walkers. As much as you like your new life with your family and the prison, sometimes you miss the simplicity of when it was just you.

 The sky was mostly clear, with only a few white puffy clouds on the canvas. You laughed as one passed and pointed up at it, “That one looks like a bear,”

“Which one?”

You moved a couple inches closer to him and pointed, trying to angle your finger right. “There,”

“Pft, no it ain’,”

You rolled your eyes and sat up. That was when you saw a few wild turkeys by the other side of the lake. “Daryl, the turkeys,”

He sat up immediately and grabbed his crossbow. “Only four, not enough to bring back.”

Your eyes narrowed briefly, “No babies, I wonder what happened to them.” You said. Neither of you needed to say what happened to them. You both knew. 

The two of you grabbed your gear and started toward the other side of the lake. Your stomach grumbled at the sight of them, and you felt terrible, but not bad enough. You grabbed Daryl's arm when you got as close as you could to them. “Let me try?”

“Again?”

“Yes, yes, come on. We can’t shoot them, and I need the practice if I’m going to get good at the bow and arrow we found,” You said. 

He sighed loudly and handed you the crossbow. You handed him your gun and adjusted the bow in your hand. He’d only let you try a couple of times, and you never could get used to the weight of it. But that bow and arrow was just sitting in your cell at the prison, and you did want to learn it. 

“Gotta take the bow out more,” Daryl said to you, “We can do some target practice. Glenn been teachin’ some of the others to shoot. Maybe we’ll go with ‘em?”

You nodded and lifted the bow, repeating the instructions in your head on how to use it. You set your finger on the trigger and waited for a few heartbeats before aiming, then waited again and then fired. The arrow pierced the leg of the animal, and you cringed when you heard its painful clucks. This was the part you hated most about hunting. 

“Dammit,” You muttered. 

Daryl looked at you, “You’re leanin’, can’ kill it with just a shot yet, it’s okay,”

You sighed and lowered the crossbow while Daryl went to kill the injured bird. The other three scattered off but didn’t go too far. You were entirely disappointed in yourself, and the sound of the turkey in distress only made it worse. 

You were just around to tell Daryl he could get the rest when an arm around your throat pulled you backward, and you felt the sharp tip of a knife touch the base of your throat. 

“Don’t move,” A deep voice said in your ear. 

Daryl turned around with the gun raised at the sound of a new voice. “Let ‘er go,” He said. 

A different man came into view with a gun too, and you closed your eyes for a second. You were fucked. 

“Nobody’s gotta get hurt,” The man said, “We’re just gonna take your shit, and we’ll be on our way,” The man holding you hostage said. “Drop your weapon, and I won’t slit her throat,”

Your eyes met Daryl’s, and you could see the anger and worry on his face. He was breathing heavily. Slowly he put the gun on the ground. 

“Adam, get the bags and the bird,” The man said. 

Adam moved to grab the bags, and you quickly pulled his arm away from your throat in the opportunity of your attacker's lack of attention. That quick second of reaction gave you enough time to duck under the arm, pull out your own knife, and slam it into the side of his body. He screamed in pain, and you pulled it out, dropping to the ground to swing your legs. His head hit the ground at the same time as you heard a gunshot, but you didn’t stop. 

You drove the knife down into your attacker's arm, and he screamed again, dropping the knife he did have. With his weapon removed, you turned back, ready to throw a knife at Adam, but he was already on the ground. 

You barely had time to react before Daryl was on the man, and you grimaced when you heard the sickening crunch of bone as Daryl assaulted the man. 

“Daryl!” You yelled, grabbing his arm mid-punch and using all your strength to keep him from beating the man to death. 

“He woulda killed ya!” Daryl yelled, pulling his arm free.

“Doesn’t mean we gotta kill him!” You yelled.

“Nah, this asshole is dead,”

“No!” You yelled, trying to shove Daryl off of the unconscious man. “He’s as good as dead as it is. We don’t know if it was just the two of them. We need to go, Daryl, now. Please.” You stressed. You weren’t sure what exactly caused Daryl to stop, but thankfully he did, and he cursed loudly as he stood up.  

When he looked at you, his eyes dropped to your arm. “You’re bleedin’,”

You looked down and saw a two-inch gash on your bicep. You hadn’t even felt it. “Crap,” You muttered, immediately putting pressure on the wound. You hadn’t noticed the blood dripping down your arm either. 

“We got stuff in the bag,” Daryl grunted and went to get the supplies. 

You followed him and watched silently as he quickly cleaned up the cut and put a gauze pad over it. It would have to do until you got home. 

“Let’s get out of ‘ere, don’ wanna be ‘ere when he wakes up. I’ll fuckin’ kill ‘em,” Daryl cursed.

[soft-bellied-tannies]

Chubtober Day 6!

We going with a WIP today, friends. I haven't had much time to write this weekend, but I wanted to share something with you so here is a snippet I have been working on.

It will eventually be posted as a part of the second chapter to last year's Chubtober finale - Full, Fuller, Fullest.

Definitely read that first before checking out this WIP otherwise, it won't make much sense lol!

---

Jimin should have realized sooner that a day or two wasn’t going to be enough to recover from his week-long stuffing. He also should have realized how much being full for a week straight would stretch out his stomach.

Getting ready for bed Sunday night after quite possibly the best week of his life was proving to be more of a challenge than he thought. He wouldn’t say that Jungkook fed him quite as much over the weekend because Jungkook wasn’t the instigator this time around.

Jimin snacked all day long Saturday and had been the one to overdo it all on his own with a few too many dumplings.

Sunday had been a slow afternoon, laying around and finishing their latest drama while Jimin emptied a bag of honey butter chips, two cups of instant ramen, a pint of ice cream, and a couple of random choco pies he found in the pantry - all washed down with a couple cans of Coke.

After brushing his teeth, Jimin lifted up his shirt to see that his stomach almost looked more bloated now than it did a few nights ago. He started to trace a faint pink line that popped up next to his belly button when Jungkook cleared his throat from the doorway of the bathroom.

“So much for that recovery weekend, huh?” Jungkook asked with a teasing smirk. He stepped behind Jimin and reached around to caress his belly.

Jimin leaned back into Jungkook’s chest as he rolled his eyes. “This is all your fault. It was your idea to begin with.”

“Oh no, my idea ended on Friday night. No one forced you to eat our whole snack supply this afternoon,” Jungkook replied, patting Jimin’s still-taut belly a few times.

“Well, someone did seem more focused on that than our show so maybe I had some motivation,” Jimin cut back, trying to hide both his growing smile and blushing cheeks.

Jungkook gently pulled Jimin’s shirt down and tugged his hand over to the other side of the bathroom. He slid their scale out with his foot and gestured for Jimin to step on.

“Well…I seem to remember that someone proposed an idea of his own a few nights ago so let’s see if the ‘recovery’ weekend worked in your favor.”

Jimin rolled his eyes again at Jungkook’s dramatics, but he did step onto the scale, not expecting much since it had only been two days. However, Jimin clearly had to stop making assumptions because the bright red “196.7” blinking up at him made his jaw drop.

“Shit, that's almost 4 more pounds. You definitely don’t need until your birthday. You’ll be 200 by Tuesday at this rate,” Jungkook said, in equal parts seriousness and teasing. He knew Jimin didn’t slow down over the weekend at all, but it certainly didn’t seem like that much.

Jimin let out an involuntary little whimper at Jungkook’s words, realizing he was absolutely right. Somehow Jimin’s little impulsive thought to eat the whole pizza last weekend had turned into him completely wrecking his self-control and metabolism.

He had gone from gaining a slow and casual fifty pounds over the last year to piling on over ten pounds in ten days. Obviously they couldn’t maintain the way he had been eating for the past week all the time, but Jimin knew that his outlandish, partial joke about doubling his gain over the next year was going to be more of a when rather than an if.

Something about that thought turned Jimin on more than he wanted to admit. If they didn’t have to work in the morning, he probably would have told Jungkook to go grab anything from the kitchen so he could feed him again. 

Instead, Jimin led Jungkook to their bed and decided that a belly rub would have to be his consolation prize. He drifted off with Jungkook’s warm hands easing the tension of his full belly and his loving whispers lulling him to sleep.

—-

It was moments like this that made Jimin glad he was a freelance writer who could make his own schedule and work from the comfort of his own home. He had woken up to a still bloated and incredibly hungry belly the next morning.

He almost wanted to skip his entire routine and head straight for the kitchen, but he wasn’t ready to let all of his self control completely slip away. After doing his skin care, Jimin selected very comfortable and loose clothes, knowing that his sensitive belly actually needed to start recovering today.

While his coffee brewed, Jimin heated up the container of kimchi rice and made himself three fried eggs to put on top. He also realized that Jungkook had made him a milk bread and strawberry sandwich at some point, which he grabbed from the fridge. 

As he scrolled through his emails, Jimin made quick work of his larger-than-normal breakfast. He knew this past week would increase his stomach capacity, so Jimin was going to try to get ahead of his hunger if he could. 

His resolution after weighing himself last night was to eat intuitively now. His appetite was clearly leading him toward his goals so he should follow it.

Getting caught up in a list of editing changes kept his focus, not realizing that Jungkook was walking into his office until his partner was setting down a bowl and a cup on his desk. Jimin jumped slightly, looking up with a smile when he saw Jungkook’s smiling face above him.

“Just bringing you a snack, baby. I figured you could use one,” Jungkook said nonchalantly as if it were an innocent gesture.

Jimin laughed but had to agree that he was starting to feel a bit peckish. “Thank you. I hadn’t realized it was already 10:30.”

Jungkook kissed the top of his head in response before reaching down over Jimin’s shoulders until his hands landed on his belly. “Damn, can’t believe you are still so bloated. Maybe you’re stuck like this now.”

“I am not stuck like this,” Jimin replied dryly with a scoff. “I just need more time to settle. Someone kept me filled up like a balloon ready to pop for days on end.”

“Well, you know a balloon deflates eventually,” Jungkook said, dropping a kiss on Jimin’s cheek as he stepped away until he was in the doorway of the office then he continued, “but they don’t shrink.”

Jungkook winked at Jimin before turning to walk down the hall, his laugh echoing as he did. Jimin let out a little offended sound, thankful that Jungkook wasn’t still there to call out the bright red blush filling his cheeks from his teasing. 

Jimin was quickly learning that maybe he and Jungkook were better at this whole gaining dynamic thing than they ever knew. 

—-

Spending the rest of the day working helped Jimin be more mindful of his intake. He gratefully accepted the simple lunch Jungkook prepared for him, and he had a light snack after he logged off for the day.

Since Jimin had spent the entirety of the last week allowing Jungkook to cook and order all their food, he was looking forward to cooking dinner together. They decided to go with a vegetable stew recipe Jimin had been wanting to try and sat for a much slower-paced dinner than they had been having lately. 

Jimin was certainly full after his full bowl of stew and generous helping of rice but not in the way he had been for the past week or so. He was comfortably full where any typical person would end their meal. Knowing that he really could use a break, Jimin did just that. 

After dinner, he curled up with Jungkook and said that he was done for the night. He sipped on his water for a while to keep the desire for dessert away until they made their way to bed. 

Jimin made an offhand comment about how he felt less bloated already and hoped for an empty and rested belly in the morning. Jungkook started having some suspicions that Jimin was yet again underestimating himself, but he kept quiet.

Quiet until the next morning when Jimin had the sudden revelation that maybe those ten or so pounds had already settled and it wasn’t just bloating after all. 

“So, still looking pretty bloated, babe. Maybe you need another day to settle or maybe…”

Jimin looked up from staring at himself in the mirror, taking in Jungkook’s smug expression that confirmed what he was thinking as well. “Or maybe those ten pounds stuck to my belly and this is settled.”

Jungkook brought his arms around Jimin’s waist, patting a few times and enjoying the rippling movement across his now empty but just as round belly. “I’d say this is a bit more than ten. I mean, look at this gut. You have a proper potbelly now, Min.”

“Fuck, you’re right,” Jimin let out breathily, still feeling a bit shocked at this realization. He had been complaining about how all his weight goes straight to his bottom half for so long yet he wasn’t prepared for it finally changing.

Both wanted more than anything to head back to bed and appreciate this new discovery, but they couldn’t take another day off work. 

Jimin asked Jungkook to join him in the shower before they realized that was not a good idea. They would lose track of time immediately and get wrapped up in exploring Jimin’s growing body. 

Jungkook told Jimin that he would get clothes out for him and go make his breakfast instead. As much as he wanted to join him in the shower, Jungkook told himself to calm down.

Jimin found his chosen outfit lying on their bed, clearly much different than the oversized hoodies and sweatpants he had been wearing around the house lately. The t-shirt Jungkook picked was from college which had been snug when Jimin wore it six months ago. 

He pulled on the pair of low-waisted leggings Jungkook picked first. Jimin usually wore them around the house with a cropped sweatshirt, but he hadn’t worn this pair in the last few weeks. The waistband further emphasized how his belly protruded forward all on its own now from where it was tucked below.

Jimin could feel that the shirt was going to be tight as he pulled it over his head. The sleeves hugged his upper arms more than before which was what he noticed first, but that thought came and went when Jimin realized that the hem of his shirt was barely meeting his waistband. 

The fabric hugged his skin without a hint of extra room. It made his belly seemingly bigger and rounder than it already had grown to be recently. When Jimin looked himself up and down in the mirror, it was the first time since he started gaining that he genuinely thought ‘wow, I look fat’.

“Holy shit, you do look kind of fat,” Jungkook blurted out from the other side of the room.

Jimin’s head snapped toward him, not aware that Jungkook was back in the room or that he had said his thoughts out loud. Deciding to push a little farther, Jimin began to pout.

“It’s just the shirt, Gguk-ah. You picked an old one.”

Jungkook shook his head as he walked closer. “I don’t think it’s the shirt, Minnie. I think it’s what’s underneath.”

“That’s not true! If you got me a different shirt, it wouldn’t be as noticeable,” Jimin replied, hoping Jungkook would play into his little game.

“Oh yeah, how about we test that?” Jungkook asked, clearly enjoying this just as much. He stepped into their closet and grabbed a shirt that would likely still be small but was a size up.

Jimin couldn’t believe that he was feeling shy, but his face grew warm as he took off his shirt to change in front of Jungkook. He grabbed the other shirt and already anticipated the reaction just from feeling it slide over his shoulders.

It did have more give than the first shirt, but Jimin’s belly was just as prominent as before. If anything, the little bit of extra fabric was actually making him look wider.

“Seems like it wasn’t the shirt so that must mean-“

“It’s the leggings! Low-waisted pants just aren’t flattering,” Jimin countered, cutting Jungkook before he could make his point. “Breakfast ready? I need to start working soon.”

Jungkook barely held back his laugh as Jimin left the bedroom, evading the real answer that they both knew was true. Jimin truly hadn’t gained enough to be considered fat yet, but yet was the keyword for Jungkook because, with the way things were going, it would be sooner rather than later.

[goldenseresinretriever]

Snitches Get Stitches: Chapter 7

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Part of the San Diego Dogfighters universe

Summary: Jake Seresin, golden boy of the NHL and Captain of the Dallas Stars makes headlines when he unexpectedly signs with newly-formed San Diego Dogfighters. When your future seems at the verge of crashing down, you receive the opportunity of a lifetime to become the team physician for the Dogfighters. You never expected to be working directly with your favorite hockey player. Jake has a secret and you have a job to do. Will he be able to trust you enough to help and will you be able to trust him with your heart?

Series CW: 18+ ONLY, swearing, violence, sports violence, medical stuff, blood probably, angst, fluff, (eventual) smut, forbidden romance, sexual harassment, suggestive language, medical inaccuracies, hockey inaccuracies etc. No use of Y/N.

Word Count: 4.7k

A/N: This is a repost of my completed series, Snitches Get Stitches. It was originally posted in October-November 2023, and was lost when my blog was deleted.

Previous Chapter // Series Masterlist // Next Chapter

It’s been a week since all hell broke loose in the locker room. It turns out that Maverick and Dare’s marriage really isn’t public knowledge since all everyone’s been talking about is how Iceman had managed to get one of the best coaches in the entire NHL and as an assistant coach at that. Only you and Jake know the extent of the chaos that’s officially descended on the team.

Jake’s officially exempt from practice and the two of you spend pretty much every single day together as you start developing a recovery plan for him. You’d been bouncing between clinics and hospitals getting tests and scans done and you’ve finally managed to book Jake in for the final scans he needs tomorrow with one of your former medical school colleagues. Unsurprisingly, the Cedars-Sinai Kerlan-Jobe Institute had been staunchly unwilling to help you out, NHL or not, so you’d been forced to look elsewhere to get Jake examined. You couldn’t help the guilt you felt that your own personal issues were keeping Jake from getting the care you deserved but it’s not like there was anything you could do.

That’s what found you here, sitting in a baby pink chair across from Zam’s desk as she chomps ferociously on your peace offering of green gummy bears from your office stash, clicking away at her computer, scanning the documents and emails you’d brought for her to examine. You’d been sitting in silence save for the sound of Zam’s chewing and clicking for the last ten minutes. She finally sits back, an annoyed frown on her face. “This is bullshit.” You sigh, you’d always thought so but every lawyer that had glared down their nose at you had always insisted otherwise. “You realize if you were a man you wouldn’t be dealing with most if any of this.”

“I’m acutely aware, yes.” You slump back into your chair. “Instead I barely have a career, and the one that I do have is constantly being affected by this. I’m literally having to beg doctors to see Jake.” Zam glares harder at her screen.

“A physician’s reputation shouldn’t keep a patient from getting seen.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying, but no one seems to care.” You’re tired, downright exhausted from the grueling and frankly humiliating phone calls that had taken up most of your week. Jake was the only thing keeping you sane amid all this. Unsurprisingly, the two of you had gotten even closer over the past week with all the one-on-one time you’d been spending together both at and outside of work. He was more open, and despite the difficulties he was facing with physical therapy, he smiled and laughed with you in a way you knew was genuine. That only made you want to lean on him more, but you knew you couldn’t. You didn’t know if you’d be able to handle losing him when he found out. You could take the rest of the world being disappointed and disgusted with you but from Jake? It would break every last bit of your resolve.

The last thing you want to do is cry in Zam’s office but finally feeling some solidarity and support from someone else is overwhelming. The look in her eyes as yours blur with tears isn’t pity, it’s pain, solidarity in the shared experience of being a woman in this industry. A knock at the door breaks the moment of vulnerability and you’re blinking back your tears as Zam pushes her pink tissue box towards you, pausing to make sure you’re professional again before she calls out to the knocker to come in.

A familiar blonde head sticks its way in. “Hey Zam, I’m looking for Bugs, Nat said-“ His eyes fall on the back of your head. “Hey Bugs, there you are!” You turn in your chair and give him a smile.

“Hey Jake, sorry I’ll be right there.” You glance at the clock on Zam’s wall. “Sorry, I lost track of time.” Jake shrugs, pushing through the doorway and coming to lean against the back of your chair.

“S’all good, Bugs. I don’t have anywhere else to be.” You know he means it in a nonchalant and completely platonic way but you can’t help the way your heart skips at his words. Then he’s leaning over where you’re seated to grab at the tissue on Zam’s desk covered in gummy bears. You can’t see much past Jake’s torso blocking your field of vision but you hear the slap. “Ow!” Jake yelps as he recoils, holding his hand and pouting at Zam as she scowls at him.

“Paws off, Seresin.” You giggle and Jake glares down at you.

“Whose side are you on, Bugs?” You roll your eyes.

“You know where I keep the stash in my office, Jake, you don’t have to steal from Zam.” He gives you an exaggerated pout and you swat at his arm gently. “Go grab some of your own and I’ll meet you in the therapy room in ten.” He grumbles but takes his leave, dropping a large hand onto your head to muss your hair up in a silent goodbye. You feel your cheeks pinken at the casual touch.

The moment the door swings shut, Zam lets out a breath and you look over to see her giving you a look. “What?”

“Oh girl, please tell me you didn’t go and fall for him.” Your face goes bright red. Now there’s pity in her eyes as she shakes her head.

“You’re setting yourself up for failure, you know that right? As cute as the two of you are, and you’re VERY cute, annoyingly so, actually, you know there’s no universe in which that can happen, right?” Your conscience has graduated from a nagging voice in the back of your head to a frowning woman in a lilac suit sitting across from you. You let out an exhausted sigh before whispering so quietly that you’re not even sure she’ll hear you.

“I know.” The tears are back and you hate that she’s right. There’s no future for you and Jake. Yet you can’t help the way your heart jumps every time he fixes that smile of his on you like it’s your personal spotlight and he thinks you deserve to shine. You’d asked him for professionalism at work and he’d delivered, keeping a respectful distance between the two of you at all times and dialing his flirting down to playful teasing. You knew he was trying for you so why were you so incapable of doing the same?

“Oh, sweetie.” Zam’s getting out of her chair and coming around her desk to wrap her arms around you. You tremble in her arms as the traitorous part of your brain wishes it was Jake holding you. The two of you are silent except for your occasional sniffles as you try to hold yourself together. “This is more than just a little crush, isn’t it?” She finally whispers. You nod over her shoulder because you don’t trust your voice right now. She straightens then, leaning against her desk as she looks you in the eye. She looks like she’s debating something before she swallows and speaks. “I’m gonna start looking into some stuff for you guys.” Your eyebrows shoot straight up. This wasn’t what you’d been expecting at all. She shakes her head. “There has to be a way for this to work.”

“Zam…” you’re at a loss for words at her kindness and solidarity.

“Hey now, this is my job, Bugs, remember? Sticky situations are my specialty. Plus, there’s no universe in which I’m letting Cyclone fire you without a fight, he’s a prick.” Your laugh gurgles up past your shed tears.

“Thank you, Zam, I mean it.” She just gives you a sad smile.

“Just be careful okay? Just because he’s a golden retriever in hockey pads doesn’t mean he’s not still a guy. He’s no Javy Machado, but just make sure you don’t let him break your heart.”

You snort, thinking back to your conversation with Jake about Javy’s dating habits or lack thereof. “How’s that going by the way?”

Zam groans, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I don’t get it, how can a guy that’s that sweet be such a slut?” You laugh at that. “He’s thirty-three for God’s sake, he needs to grow up instead of going through girls like he’s still a frat boy.” She raises an eyebrow at you. “His STD report really came back clean?”

“Really!” You insist. You hadn’t known that it was anything questionable when you’d gotten the results, but you hadn’t really known much about Javy back then.

She groans again, running a hand down her face. “These boys are going to be the death of me, I swear. And not just the younger ones.” She gives you a pointed look. “Cyclone is going to put me in an early grave.”

“Maybe we should get plots next to each other.” You muse and the two of you burst out laughing before Zam sobers before leaning in and whispering.

“Did you know that Mav and Dare are MARRIED?!” You give her a grim smile and nod.

“Jake and I accidentally found out when he invited us over to dinner.”

“There’s no way that doesn’t go absolutely ballistic.” She shakes her head, laughing nervously. “Not to mention the fact that she’s way more qualified than him and SHE’S the ASSISTANT coach. Feminism is dead.” She frowns as if she’s just thought of something. “You think Ice knows that they're married?” You frown back, you hadn’t considered it.

“I think there’s a pretty good chance. I mean why else would he call HER of all people? But a better question is why did she come here in the first place? She’s been coaching the Penguins for 26 years and they’ve been really good, there’s no reason for management to want her gone so that means she left. Mav said they separated on good terms, so maybe he asked her to come here and help?”

Zam shakes her head. “No, Mav didn’t know she was coming. He found out when we did” This is news to you and your jaw drops. “And look I love Mav, I really do but Dare’s been my inspiration for as long as I can remember. She’s the reason I’m here, doing this, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s more to the story than we know.” Before you can answer Zam, there’s another knock at the door. Zam calls out for them to come in and Maverick opens the door.

“Hey ladies, Zam you ready for our meeting?” Zam glances at the clock before cursing and you follow, having both lost track of time. You get up out of the chair, relinquishing it to Mav as he comes in and mouth thank you to Zam before excusing yourself.

***

You sigh, getting up from where you’ve been sitting next to where Jake’s lying on an exercise mat, observing while he does some heel slides, stretching his knee gingerly. “How’s the pain?” You ask, jotting a few notes down on the clipboard at your side.

“Better than yesterday,” Jake confirms as he smiles at you. He’s working hard and it’s showing. So far his recovery has been smooth. You smile back.

“Remember, we have the last of your preliminary scans tomorrow morning so we can’t be late.” You fix him with a look. Jake’s taken to joining you and Pudding on your morning walks aided by a pair of crutches so he can hop along. Unfortunately, both Pudding and her owner are all too excited for these outings and are easily distracted, leading to multiple days where you’ve been forced to rush to make it to work on time.

He holds up his hands in mock surrender. “I have no idea what you’re talking about Bunny, I’m always on time.” You give his chest a gentle shove that makes him laugh before pushing to your feet and holding out your hands to help him up after you. The muscles in your arms strain as you pull the much larger man up and Jake’s hands squeeze yours tightly until you’re face to face. His hands skim up your arms gently, thumbs skimming over your biceps. “Who knew you were so strong, Bunny?” Your eyelids flutter shut at the contrast between the gentle caress and the roughness in his voice.

“I’m really not.” You whisper back, half-lidded eyes meeting his green ones. “But you make me want to be.” It’s true, he makes you want to fight for what you want, for what you deserve.

“What’re you doing tonight?” The words spill past Jake’s lips in a tumble. You shrug, knowing you should lie, and tell him you have plans. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve hung out after work but there was never this electricity that’s coursing between you now as you’re standing so close that you’re almost touching everywhere.

“Nothing really.” He lets out a pleased hum in response.

“How does a movie night sound?” His fingers are still stroking at the bare skin just past the edge of your sleeve.

“That sounds perfect.” You murmur back and he gazes down at you with such a fondness that you feel like the air has been knocked out of your lungs. Before either of you can move, however, the shrill sound of your alarm pierces the tense atmosphere, signaling the end of your session and you step out of his grasp to fish out your phone and turn it off. Jake plops into a nearby chair going to put his brace back on. You collect your things as he finishes before turning back to him, twisting your fingers together. “Hey, Jake?” He looks up, a question in his eyes at your nervous tone.

“Yeah, Bunny?”

“Can we swing by my apartment on the way? I’d really like to change first.” His face spreads into a relieved smile.

“Of course we can, and for the record? You never have to ask, you’re driving, remember?” You flush at the reminder.

***

You swallow hard when you pull into the parking garage for your apartment complex. Jake’s never been over to your place before. Usually, you’re content to stay in your scrubs for after-work hangouts but today you need to be as far as you can be from any reminders of your job, your title, and your responsibilities. You want to just be Bugs and Jake tonight. You put the truck in park in your usual spot, before turning to Jake. “You wanna come up?” You shouldn’t be so nervous, it’s just for a few minutes while you get changed. He nods and follows you to the elevator.

When you finally reach your door, you’re nervous again. He’s a millionaire and you’re only half moved into your new place so it’s a wreck. You pause with your key in the lock and turn to Jake. “Look, I’m still in the process of moving in, so it’s kind of a mess, but just make yourself comfortable as best you can, I’ll be quick.” He just chuckles and ruffles your hair, nodding. You try not to look too hard at the living room as you make a beeline for your room, leaving Jake behind.

After a few minutes of rummaging around for the pair of sweats that you’re looking for, you duck back out into the living room to check the half-unpacked box next to the couch. You come face to face with Jake who’s standing by the couch holding a box of dog treats in one hand and some brand new dog toys in the other, more on the table next to him. He’s got a look of soft awe on his face as he looks at you. “You bought all of this?” He asks as you walk over, taking them from his hands and returning them to the table, your cheeks pinkening, not meeting his eyes.

“Yeah, it’s nothing really.”

“Nothing? Bunny, it’s EVERYTHING.” You look up at that and then Jake’s lips are colliding with yours. You gasp against his mouth at the sudden kiss before your body betrays every bit of logic in your mind and you’re kissing him back just as hungrily. His arms wrap around you tightly, holding you close like he’s afraid that you’ll slip between his fingers and disappear. You almost sob at the feeling that you’ve been craving all day. Instead, you whimper into the kiss and Jake’s tongue sweeps gently across your bottom lip, asking for entry that you give wholeheartedly, whining his name into his mouth as his tongue sweeps into yours. Your hands come up to fist into his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer while you backpedal toward your room. He stumbles after you, not breaking the kiss. Your lips feel swollen from his ministrations and your mind is hazy as you shove the bedroom door open dragging him along with you. The backs of your legs hit the bed and Jake’s hands go to the back of your thighs, scooping you up effortlessly, breaking the kiss to toss you onto the center of the bed before he attempts to follow before he pauses, scowling down at the brace on his knee keeping it from bending so he can slot himself over you. You giggle softly in response and crawl towards him pulling him by the collar of his shirt and flipping him gently onto his back before you climb onto his lap. Your giggles are cut short by a moan as you feel the straining bulge in his pants. Jake pulls you close, kissing you again before he moves to place open-mouthed kisses along your jaw and your neck, whispering praises in between. “So fucking perfect, Bunny. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” You moan in response. He chuckles at that, reaching up to brush your hair back from your face, just looking at you and you flush, squirming under the intensity of his gaze. “So beautiful,” he whispers like it’s a prayer and you let your eyes flutter shut as you let yourself believe him. You open your eyes just as his catch on something over your shoulder and you watch his eyes narrow in confusion, the passion in them momentarily quelled as he pushes up onto his elbows to get a better look at whatever’s caught his attention. “Bunny, is that my jersey?” FUCK. Your heart stops and your desire screeches to a halt as Jake sits up, hands coming up idly to hold your waist so you don’t fall as he turns to get a better look at the frame above your headboard. Because yes, that’s his jersey. The stark white number 86 with his name emblazoned above it on the bright green fabric of the Dallas Stars jersey. And there at the bottom is his signature and a personalized note that says KEEP KILLING IT. You’re going to die from mortification as your eyes follow Jake’s past the jersey to the framed pucks, headshots, and various other memorabilia that hang on the wall, your heart dropping with each one that your eyes pass as you feel Jake’s body stiffening beside you. “Bunny,” his voice is low and dangerous and you feel your body shiver involuntarily. “What is all this stuff?” He turns to you then and you see confusion, anger, and most of all betrayal in his eyes as they search yours for an explanation.

“Jake, I can explain, I promise.” Your voice sounds foreign to you. You reach for him but he pulls away, pushing you off his lap and standing as you get up on your knees reaching for him. “Jake, please! Please don’t go.” You’re begging. Begging for him to wait, begging for him to let you explain, begging him to stay, begging him to understand, begging him not to go. He gives you a pained look as he walks out of the room. You’re tripping over your legs, falling off the bed with a thump as you race after him. You grab his hand, doing your best to pull him to a stop but you can’t because he’s wrong, you’re not strong enough. “Jake please, whatever you think it is, it isn’t.” He rounds on you then, pain in his eyes and your heart breaks at the thought that you’re the cause of it.

“Do you know why I left Dallas?” His voice is low, his eyes piercing yours. You look back at him with confusion at the sudden change in topic.

“Because of how your coach handled your injury, right?” You ask, unsure if he’s asking a rhetorical question or not.

He shakes his head, eyes never leaving yours as he chuckles darkly. “I left because after demoting me and saying he didn’t care if I healed properly or not, I found out why he didn’t care. He booked me a gig as an underwear model.” Your stomach lurches as the realization hits you. The pain in Jake’s eyes is palpable. “He didn’t need me to play, he just wanted a pretty little poster boy to ride the bench and bring in the media, get girls in the stands, buying tickets to see his pretty little sideshow.” Fury hurdles down your spine. Jake said it himself, hockey is his first priority and for his coach to try and take that away from him makes your blood boil even as your heart aches in solidarity. All this time you were afraid that Jake would cast you aside if he knew the truth about you, when in reality that couldn’t be farther from the truth. “And now the first girl I’ve been interested in in years has a fucking shrine in her bedroom, so tell me Bunny, how is it not what I think it is?” You feel like he’s slapped you across the face as realization dawns, as you see what he sees.

“Jake, no. NO. I’m not, I’m not some fucking puck bunny.” Your face twists in disgust. “I would never do that to you, that’s disgusting.” He glances down at you warily, the anger in his eyes warring with confusion and you can tell that he wants to believe you. You reach up and grab his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. “I would NEVER do that to you, Jake, do you hear me? Yes, I know my room makes it look like the exact opposite but that’s not what you think it is. Am I a fan?” Your cheeks flush with embarrassment at having to admit this to him. “Yeah I am, and I have been for YEARS, but not because of the way you look. I’m a fan because of the way you PLAY. I can’t take my eyes off you on the ice because you’re BRILLIANT, Jake. I’ve watched hockey my whole life and I never understood what it was to truly love it until I watched you play.” Tears blur your vision as you look up at him. “And this?” You stroke your thumb across his cheek tenderly. “I never expected to fall for you, Jake. Truly. And the man I fell for is so much more than the person I’ve watched on the ice over the years.”

You swallow, your body beginning to tremble as you contemplate what you’re about to do, to admit, but you need to come clean, totally, completely clean. “You may think that I don’t understand how it feels to have everything you’ve worked for taken away because of someone else’s greed, but I do.” Your fingers are trembling on his cheeks and he reaches up to take them tentatively in his own as he waits patiently for you to keep going. “All through medical school, I kept my head down and worked hard because I knew I needed to be the best if I wanted to work in the NHL, and I topped all my classes. I gave up having a social life, dating, and everything to make sure I was the very best and it was working. And then,” you take a shuddering breath, and Jake gives your hands an encouraging squeeze. “A-at the fellowship I was at before I came here, there was this doctor. He was older and one day I was getting some stuff from the supply closet to restock one of the exam rooms, and he came into the closet.” You squeeze your eyes shut like you can block out the memory as it plays out in your mind. “He said there was no way a girl like me did as well as I was by myself and that he wanted some of my ‘special treatment.’ I-I tried to tell him that I’d never done anything with anyone to ever earn my grades, that I worked hard and was just good at my job, b-but he wouldn’t listen. He kissed me.” Jake growls in fury and you open your eyes to see the rage in his. “I was trying to fight him off and thankfully someone else showed up before he could try anything else, but then he turned it around and said I had kissed HIM trying to get a letter of recommendation from him.” You laugh hollowly. “And he was my senior, and he was a MAN, so of course everyone believed HIM. I almost lost the fellowship but it was so close to being over that I managed to beg them into letting me stay. Unfortunately though, if you fuck up at one of the best places in the country, they know everyone and you’re basically blacklisted from the entire industry. So there I was, at the top of my class, with the best grades and not a single job offer… until I met Maverick.” Your eyes burn as the tears finally start to escape. “He gave me a chance when no one else would. And then I somehow managed to convince Cyclone to give me the job. Apparently, he has a daughter so he sympathized with me or something, but he made me promise there wouldn’t be any incidents here. That I wouldn’t get involved with any of my coworkers or else he’d fire me.” You give him a rueful look. “And well you know how well that’s gone so far.” Your heart breaks at the fury in Jake’s eyes and the guilt as he gently lets go of you and you keen towards him, missing the feeling.

“Oh Bunny,” his voice is full of pain. “I’m so sorry.” A sob breaks through your lips and you reach for him, desperately and you see him hesitate a moment before he gives in and pulls you to him. You weep into his chest as he holds you close. You feel so light, like you haven’t in the months since the incident, because Jake’s here and he understands and he believes you, and it’s going to be okay as long as you have him.

You’re not sure how long the two of you stay standing like that until Jake finally pulls away, a deep sadness in his eyes that you don’t understand until he speaks. “I think I’m gonna get an Uber home, Bunny. You can keep the truck until tomorrow.” Your heart shatters. He’s leaving.

“You’re leaving?” You hate how weak your voice sounds and you can see on Jake’s face that he does too.

“I-I just need some space right now, Bunny. I need to think about all of this, about us.” You know he’s right, that you need to do the same but the idea of being alone right now is enough to make you feel lightheaded. You nod anyway.

“No, you’re right, that’s totally fair. I just- Jake I just want you to know, it was always real for me.” You swallow, forcing yourself to meet his eyes so he can see your sincerity. “But whatever you decide, I’m always going to be your physician first and I intend to keep my promise about getting you back on the ice because it would truly be a loss to the hockey world if you never played again.” You reach out to squeeze his hand. “I can drive you home if you want?” He shakes his head gently.

“Not tonight, Bunny. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?” You nod your head silently. He steps closer and places a gentle kiss on your forehead before he turns and leaves, the front door clicking behind him and feeling more final than you want it to.

[myreia]

fic authors self rec

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the love ❤️

I was tagged by @lilbittymonster to fill this out, thank you so much!

I'm a little late with this, but I'll tag a few folks (I think this is going around as an ask meme, too?). If you've already been asked or tagged, I'd love to see a second selection of your favourites! 💖

@bearlytolerant @tsunael @anneapocalypse @ievaxol @ardberts

@fourteenthz @birues @thewitchofelpis @a-shakespearean-in-paris @thevikingwoman

@impossible-rat-babies @autumnslance @gatheredfates @hylfystt

—01. Divergence of the Heart

Final Fantasy XIV | Heavensward | Wolmeric, Wolcred + background Thancred/Hilda Explicit | 53,996 words | 11 chapters

Aureia Malathar may have made a name for herself in Ishgard, but her deeds come with a hefty personal toll. Despite her victories at the Grand Melee she has never felt more unsure of herself. Her relationship with Thancred—the person she thought knew her the best—is strained, yet she cannot abandon him. Aymeric is falling for her harder with each passing day, yet she cannot bring herself to accept it. All may be fair in love and war, but at least war is predictable. Love, on the other hand…

I wrote this fic last year and it quickly became both extremely personal and also one of my favourite things I've ever written. It's also me poking fun at myself for creating what is probably the worst love triangle based off a couple lines of in-game dialogue from Thancred.

But I think the thing that makes it special to me isn't the love triangle or the emotional entanglements or the drama, it's exploring the different facets of Aureia's asexuality as a sex-positive and greyace person. This is a pretty complex topic and asexuality isn't as straightforward as "no sex ever". I also wanted to approach the erotic scenes with a certain sensibility and pull back the curtain on the romanticism of first times in search of something a little more grounded.

—02. Bound by Faith

Final Fantasy XIV | Shadowbringers | Wolcred Explicit | 28,406 words | 5 chapters

With their enemies defeated, the Crystarium is alive with celebration. Despite the joy around her, Aureia is uncertain about the next steps to take. So is Thancred, for that matter. The puzzle of their lives has sat incomplete for years, but finally this last, precious piece may be able to slide into place.

Okay so. 🥺 This was the first big Aureia/Thancred piece that I finished. I wrote it when I was going through an extremely rough time last year, and I think it was cathartic in a way to have them have all the right things come together so that taking a chance on a relationship finally feels right.

—03. As We Move Forwards

Final Fantasy XIV | Endwalker | Wolcred Mature | 8,140 words | 2 chapters

With tragedy averted and the world in recovery, Thancred and Aureia finally have some time to themselves. It’s nice—good even—to spend time alone, focusing on the things that matter most. But as they depart on a trip across Ilsabard, the question of what comes next lingers in his mind. Where do you go from here? How do you pick up the pieces of something broken and put it back together?

This is a much more recent Aureia/Thancred fic than the previous ones, and I'm enjoying poking at their Endwalker timeline. So much happens. Many things have been said and done, and their marriage has been put through the wringer. It was fun to explore what moving on looks like when they came so close to everything falling apart due to the pressures of outside circumstances. Marriage for them is not a happy ever after, it's just another point on the journey and they both still have a lot of growing to do.

—04. Resistance

Dragon Age: Origins | Tabris x Daveth Explicit, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death | 25,370 words | 7 chapters

Numbed by the events that took her away from Denerim, Rhea Tabris arrives in Ostagar to become a Grey Warden. But as she prepares for initiation and encounters an unexpected person, she discovers she can never truly let her past die.

I think this is my favourite DA fic back from when I used to write a lot of DA stuff. I don't know what it is about the Tabris x Daveth ship, it's such a rarepair but my mind latched onto the possibility and wanted to shake it up and down like a salt shaker and see what fell out. Angst and smut, apparently.

—05. Leave Me At the Shore of the Heart

Dragon Age 2 | Bethany Hawke x Anders Mature | 9,332 words | 4 chapters

On the eve of the Deep Roads expedition, a chance conversation between Anders and Bethany sparks feelings neither of them expected.

This one is special to me because it's the last DA fic I wrote. I'm not entirely sure what possessed me to write this ship, but I was turning a few things over in my head while playing DA2 and I just had a thought about the possibilities of character interactions — tl;dr the conversation I made up in my head was interesting and I needed to follow it haha.

[bumpkinspice0]

Recovery Time Chapter 8

Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

No use of y/n

Rating: Explicit (Minors do not interact!!!!!!)

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: November is here, winter creeps closer, and feelings become more real.

Warnings: Like none? Typical angst, fluff, desperation??

Series Masterlist

Previous - Next

AO3

_______________

Chapter 8: Storm Brewing

The garden was finally bare, the soil tilled over and weeded of its dead occupants. Precious loved herbs and other plants dug up and brought inside to last the winter. Seeds sorted and stored for next year. Harvest time was over and the dirt can lay in rest for another winter. October had come and passed, the early days of November bringing a new chill to the air. 

Joel helps you prep the garden soil for next year and he almost wishes he hadn’t offered. You had buckets of compost stored and ready to enrich the soil, nasty smelling stuff. Vegetable scraps, egg shells, bones— garbage really. He was helping you spread garbage around your dead garden. He’s done stranger things, he supposes. 

“Please tell me this is the last one,” He sighs, dumping out the final nasty, juicy contents from the last 5-gallon barrel you rolled out.

“It’s the last one,” you scoff, raking the dumped contents evenly over the soil’s surface. “You can start putting the leaf piles on top then we’re done.”

“Thank god,” he retreats to the edge of the garden where you’d had a massive leaf pile waiting. He grabs an armful and spreads them on top of the compost, “Why are we doing this again?”

“Keeps the soil healthy.” You dust your hands off and grab a fistful of leaves for yourself, “You gotta put back what you take out. The parts you don’t use decompose and make the soil healthier. Circle of life and all that.”

“And the leaves?”

“Extra barrier and extra compost.” You step closer to him and he does his best to ignore how that makes his heart speed up ever so slightly. “Use what’s around, ya know?”

“Yeah, I suppose,” He grabs another armful of leaves, “But it was good this year? The garden?”

“Better than other years. Only got good at it the last two years or so.” 

Joel wasn’t much of a farmer. Hell, he killed nearly all of his houseplants. The idea of constantly managing something so delicate was intimidating. Game hunting was easy in comparison. Straight forward— almost literally. Point and shoot. Set a trap and leave it. Hunting didn’t take skill, it just took luck. But growing food… That was a whole different story. 

Your storages were plentiful from what he saw. You didn’t really seem to keep track of resources used because of it. Much more lax than Bill. If he had to guess you probably easily had enough for 6-8 months at the moment— But he can’t help but wonder how much you’d used on him. How much did he take from you? The question that’s been constantly on his mind lately.

He’d brought back some meager kills. That turkey and a good handful of rabbits. Was it enough? 

“Thinking you got enough to make it through the winter this year?” He asks before he can stop himself. 

You pause, he’s not sure if it’s from his sudden forwardness or because you’re actually thinking about it, sorting through everything in your head. He sees your expression drop a little bit— his unspoken words evidently being heard loud and clear. 

Will you be fine without me? 

He hadn’t brought it up in weeks, him heading back to the QZ. You hadn’t either. Christ he’d been healed for just as long and he still wandered around here like a lost puppy. What was he waiting for? You to chase him out with a broom in hand? Or maybe for you to tell him please don’t go. 

He had to. He had to leave and him lingering around you like a ghost was making it all the more difficult. 

“It was a good harvest this year,” You finally answer, kicking out more leaves in your path. “Winter can be unpredictable, though. For extra assurance, we should probably think about getting bigger kills if we—” 

You pause again, your back to him. He can’t see your face but he can guess what’s painted across it. Panic. Blushing embarrassment. You said it twice, the forbidden word. 

We.

You’d both been dancing around referring to each other as a pair since he got here, now you were the first to let it slip. He knew what we meant. We meant I’m thinking of you. We meant I’m planning a future where you’re there. We meant don’t leave. 

He doesn’t say anything, the pleasant afternoon soured by him asking silent questions. Joel didn’t like being so timid. It’s not who he was. He was a blunt, straightforward man— often to a fault. He wishes he could still be that emotionless with you. It’d make everything so much easier. Instead, he lives in fear of hurting you. Of bringing the curtain down on this small little paradise you’d given him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve you. It’s time he gets back to what he was actually good at.

All things must come to an end, even the good things. He had to come back to reality. Joel just had to pull the trigger… but when?

He tosses a final fistful of leaves onto the barren garden and stomps off to the edge of the property. 

“I’m gonna set up a few more traps.”

__________

A bloated awkwardness had settled between you both since this afternoon, and you have your stupid mouth to thank for it. The damn thing always got you into so much trouble. 

You said we. You desperately wanted to try and recover and blurt that you were referring to you, Gus, and Lily, obviously, but that would have made the whole situation ten times worse. You just blurting whatever came to mind had gotten you into this mess. 

How had Joel become such an integral part of your life in such a short time? He’d crawled into your heart and made a home there without even trying. From day one you knew he wouldn’t stay, and yet that never seemed to matter. 

You’d told him six weeks for his estimated recovery time. It only took a glance at the calendar to see that specific date had come and gone. He’d been recovered. Walking strong with newly healed over scars. He was a picture of health… and he was still here. That meant something.

He hadn’t mentioned the QZ once. Not even people inside it. He’d been vague, at best, about what he’d done there. The only family you knew about was his brother, who was likely now hundreds of miles away. What did he have to go back to, you wonder. You’d never asked, but then again he probably wouldn’t tell you if you did. 

Maybe you’re waiting for him to ask. Ask if he can stay here… but you probably made your feelings about that rather clear… right? Maybe you have to ask, then. Ask him to stay. Tell him how you feel.

The fear of rejection is a powerful one. People underestimate it all the time.

So, instead of facing the fear, you dance around in this awkward limbo you’d made for yourself, because of your big dumb mouth. 

You’re curled up on the couch while he passively plays guitar in the corner of the living room, Gus and Lily curled up at his feet like he always belonged there. 

The playing stops and you dare to glance in his direction. His gaze is on the curled-up fur children at his feet, sadness pulling at his features. You can only hope what he’s thinking about. 

“Hey,” he looks at you, “So… I was thinking bout somethin’.”

“That’s dangerous.” You hope, just for a moment. Hope that he’ll ask to stay the winter. Stay longer. Stay forever. Just… stay.

“Yeah,” he gives the weakest smile you’d ever seen in your life. Oh no. “I was… thinkin’ about when I should leave.” 

You’d never had your hope dashed so quickly. 

“Yeah?” You say, trying your best to hide the fact that your heart is shattering.

“I should… do it soon. Before the snow falls.” 

You look away from him, clutching your book to your chest, “That’s… a good idea.”

He lets the silence brew in the room. God, if you thought the air between you two was uncomfortable before…

You hold back a tear, putting on a brave face. “When were you thinking?”

He’s set the guitar aside, leaning heavily over his knees. He wrings his hands together nervously. 

“Tomorrow.”

The single word is like an arrow to the heart. Tomorrow? That soon? You can’t believe you’d scared him off so easily. If there was a time to tell him to stay, it was now. Beg him not to go. Tell him how you feel. Show him he’d always have a home here. 

Say something. Anything. 

“That’s… soon.”

Idiot.

“It is.” He nods dismissively. You don’t know why, but you really want to punch him right now. He sighs, coming over to take a seat next to you. Good. Closer to punch. “I’ve taken enough from you, darlin’. It’s time I be on my way.”

“Good, you’ve been a nuisance anyway.” You think hiding behind some sarcasm will distract from the stinging behind your eyes. It doesn’t. Still, you manage to will the tears to stay inside, “It was a pleasure you have you, Joel.”

He rests a hand on your thigh and you swear it burns. “I… don’t know how to repay you.”

Don’t leave. You want to say it so badly. That’s how he could repay you if that’s what he felt he needed to do. Is it selfish of you to want him all to yourself? Like a treasure you found. Yes, of course it is. He had a right to leave. He had a right to his own damned free will. 

“Just live, that’s all you have to do,” You place your hand on top of his, “And come back to visit?”

“Of course.”

Those sorrowful deep brown eyes say all his mouth never could. Does he even really want to leave? God, you hate this. What do you do now? Do you eagerly start packing his supplies? Leave him alone? Cry? Beg? Say it. Just say it!

“Joel…” You squeeze his hand just a little tighter. His expression lightens, just a little. “I…” I don’t want you to leave. “I’ll miss you.”

Coward. 

He breathes out a small smile, squeezing your hand back. Can he feel it? Your heart breaking.

His other hand comes up to rest on your cheek. “I’ll miss you too, darlin’.”

“Joel…”

This was too much. He was too much. You can’t just sit idly by while this happens. You can’t just watch him leave without fighting just a little. Without speaking your peace. If you don’t, you know you’ll regret it forever. You have to do something. Do anything. 

You come crashing into him, your lips finding his immediately. He moans into you, his other hand coming up behind your head to pull you in closer. He wanted this too. Good. You crawl on top of him… or he guides you down to the couch, you’re not really sure. It doesn’t matter. You had him, here, right now. When your words fail you, this is how you can tell him. Tell him to stay.

His hands trail down from your face and squeeze your waist, pulling you closer to him. You rake your hands through his hair in a frenzy, just needing more. All of him. Oh god, he felt so good already. His tongue comes out to explore your mouth, you open with a desperate sigh. He was eager. He was willing. 

He was yours. Right now he was yours. 

Your hands drop to his belt. You feel him flinch under your touch. 

“Darlin’... I…” he breathes between your lips. Whatever he was going to say dies on his tongue. His hips raise up in encouragement. 

“Joel,” you moan as you undo the buckle, “Joel, I—”

A mighty gust of wind shakes the cabin, testing its very foundation. You both jolt upright, the moment completely ruined by shock. The windows rattle with newfound intensity. The bones of your little home creak in protest. 

A storm was coming. 

“Shit…shit,” you grumble, climbing off Joel, much to your disdain. You walk over to your little weather station by the front door, three little mounted dials that Art always swore by. A thermometer, a barometer, and a hydrometer. The temperature had dropped significantly since this afternoon, dwindling down past freezing. The air pressure was dropping rapidly, you swear you see the needle moving before your very eyes. Yep, the telltale signs of a storm. When you glance out the window your heart drops. 

The snow had only just started to fall, small white specks starting to blanket the ground, and it was picking up speed. The sky was barely visible, the undoubtedly massive clouds whited out by an oncoming freeze. It was going to be a blizzard—a big one.

“What is it?” Joel comes up behind you. 

You groan, wishing so badly you could ignore it and take him back to the couch and continue where you left off— but you know you can’t. You’d said earlier that winter was unpredictable, and that was true. Early snow meant more work that had to be done now before it got worse. Preparations done to assure your safety. More wood inside, more water in the tank, relocating the chickens, bringing up more food from the cellar— You could both do it before the storm got worse. If you hurried it’d be done in an hour. Then you could get back to… everything. 

You were likely going to be snowed in for a few days. Maybe it’s a sign, you think. A final gift from the almighty to get Joel Miller to stay just a little longer. You’ll take what you can get.

“Winter came early.”

[fortunekookie07]

Ok, so here is the warning. This one is definitely angsty sad. I wanted to write about Xavier in this kind of way when I got to chapter 8 in the game. I have my suspicions, and I used them to write this. Stellarian is what I decided to call him. Let's face it. The boy is definitely not human.

More Than Star-crossed

Xavier probably had as many secrets as there were stars in the sky. No one could ever predict his movements. He was mysterious, laid back, and cold. His personality was standoffish. He'd never allowed anyone to get close.

Jeremiah had known Xavier for a long time. He could recall a time in the distant past when he hadn't been so, but then he'd still had you. The first time you met, you'd been drawn to each other like a moth to flame. Like the sun and moon eternally chasing each other.

Xavier had said once that star-crossed didn't describe the two of you and soul mates wasn't deep enough. Jeremiah wasn't sure what the difference was. He didn't understand the level of devotion he showed you.

He knew one thing for sure, though, every time Xavier met you again he was elated, he reverted back to his old self. The way he'd been in school. The memories had been mostly good, right up to the end. Jeremiah would never forget the look on Xavier's face that day for the rest of his life.

*******************************************************

They had come suddenly, no warning or time to prepare. The hole had ripped open in space and they swarmed in. No one knew where they came from, creatures like them had never been seen before. All they sought was destruction and chaos.

At first they had been able to fend them off, they seemed relatively weak. With Xavier by your side you felled one after another. Your training and reflexes made you an outstanding swordswoman. Xavier being the only one you could never best. Those rounds you tied didn't count. He'd gone easy on you.

Then the bigger ones had come, your classmates started dropping one after another. Unable to beat them so easily anymore. You saw the one headed for Xavier's back and that he was currently unable to fend it off and then your feet were moving before you even knew it.

The first strike you had easily blocked, the long blade spinning against your own. It was the second blade you were unprepared for. Appear from nowhere and sparkling in the sun like glass, the blade is thrust through you. "Uhnnn!" A groan escapes your lips as you drop your sword and fall to your knees.

A scream peirce your ears as your name is cried with anguish. You can't even turn your head. All you can do is look down and see the large blade stuck through you. Your brain whispers that the injury is fatal, there will be no recovery period this time. Blood is already seeping from the edges of the blade and staining your uniform a dark red.

The monster in front of you bursts into dust and then your body is falling backwards, no longer held up by the blade. Xavier's warm arm are holding you up and he's crying as he looks down at you. His hand is pressed to the injury trying in vain to staunch the blood flow.

"Why are you crying?" You ask holding a hand to his cheek. He just shakes his head unable to say anything. "Xavier, you have to save everyone. I know you can do it." You place a hand to his heart and his eyes open at last. In the deep depths of his brilliant blue eyes all you can see is a profound sense of loss, pain, and desperation. "No, I can't with out you. I don't know how to see the light without you anymore." His words come out in sobs. And your heart aches at the pain in his voice.

"Xavier, you are the light. Send the darkness from the place and shower it with your light. I can help you." You say pressing more firmly against his chest right above his heart. "Open your heart to me." Having never been able to deny you anything, he drops his guard and you begin resonating with eachother.

All around you a bright light begins glowing intensifying by the second. Building and building, until finally it explodes and then there is silence. All traces of the invaders are gone. The fallen bodies of your classmates are scattered throughout the school courtyard and many other places. No one had been able to prepare for the attack and many had fallen in the first wave.

"Xav", you say weakly getting him to open his eyes. He's panicked again at all the blood. Your blue tinted white dress is crimson now and his pants are stained with the red as well. It's pooled on the ground below you and spreading slowly. Your time is almost up, it's now or never. You place your hand against his cheek again. "I love you." You manage to say, voice nothing more than a whisper now. Your vision is rapidly growing dark.

He's crying again, tears stream endlessly down his face and his eyebrows are scrunched together. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I really love you." You know what it means when a Stellarian falls in love. Not just this life but every life you can only fall in love with the same person. Two halves of a whole, not soul mates it's deeper than that. No words can describe the bond that exists between you. But between you, no words are needed.

"I don't want to live without you." Xavier says, his voice is defeated. You manage a smile. "Don't come find me now, I'll be heartbroken if you follow after me. Promise me." You tell him putting all the strength you can muster into you voice. Instead of answering he leans down and presses his lips to yours. A smile graces your lips as your vision goes completely black.

A soft thump has him pulling back and he stares down at you. The light is gone from your eyes and your hand fell from his face. He squeezes your body close even though he knows it's futile. It's already turning to shimmering dust, going back to the stars.

Xavier's second cry of anguish shatters the silence, your body is gone. Having faded away to nothing.

*******************************************************

Xavier did not like to remember the past. He did not like to think of the times he'd found you again, only to lose you again. His heart was almost dead when he found you again on earth when you were twelve. Earth had been invaded by the same monsters that had destroyed his home planet Stellaria. He was determined not to let it happen again.

He was also determined not to approach you again. His heart couldn't take it anymore. Finding you, seeing you fall back into love with him and then dying again. Fate was cruel, it seemed like it was out to torture him until his long life finally came to an end. Not for the first time did he curse his long life.

Watching you almost die to the same monster that had killed you the first time had nearly undone him again. Tezcatlipoca, or Wanderer as they had come to be called was a monster that hid in mirrors. That was how you'd died that first time. It had emerged from a mirror as you were fending off an attack from a different Wanderer.

Xavier really did try to stay away from you this time, but it seemed the harder he tried the more you seemed to appear before him. He'd almost completely lost his composure that day you showed up in your Deepspace Hunter uniform. Freshly graduated from the academy and fighting these monsters once again.

He'd made it his own mission to eliminate them once and for all, he'd never intended for it to be your as well. However when he learned that you had a protocore fragment in your heart he knew that he could not keep you out of the battle any longer.

He'd let his guard down all to much and you wormed your way into the cracks in his armour and warmed his chilly heart once again. He hadn't been able to tell you any of this yet.

One of the reasons he was always so tired is because after he lost you the first time, he spent a long time sleeping. He felt only in dreams could he see you again.

So he constantly slept if only to remember the exact tone of your voice, or shade of your hair. Later on this too became something of a curse. Often he would relive your loss again and again.

Jeremiah didn't dare to ask him questions about you, that was dangerous. He'd only been there after you were gone. He'd managed to fend off the monsters until that light surge. Finding the spot where Xavier still knelt and seeing all the blood, he'd been able to put the clues together.

*******************************************************

You were jolted awake by tossing and turning next to you. Xavier was having a fitful dream. You raised up onto your side and gently lifted his arm before moving into his embrace. Waking him up was sometimes impossible. Just letting him hold you seemed to be the way to go. He would wake up soon, he always did after a bad dream. You waited patiently.

His arms tightened around you and then he was groaning. You looked up at him, waiting for his eyes to open. Finally the did. His pupils darted around and then finally rested on you. He tried to hide the sheer panic and pain but you still saw it. He wasn't fast enough but you weren't going to ask.

If Xavier didn't want you to know then he would dodge question and evade the point until time ended.

"Xavier, I'm not going anywhere you know. There is no where else I'd rather be then right here with you." You kiss his neck and snuggle into his embrace. He says nothing but you feel the tension fade from his body.

You're almost asleep again when he whispers, "I love you too much to let you go anywhere again." You know he's going to be ok. Tomorrow is a new day, after all.

[tokoyamisstuff]

Breaking Bonds Ch. 4

Glossu Rabban "The Beast" Harkonnen x F! Reader

Chapter Summary: While Rabban is in denial, even dangerous foes grow impatient. Warnings: Angst, slight manhandling A/N: I hate this chapter with a passion idk why it was so hard to write for me. I just gave up, here ya go. 😩

"No one is born evil. People must learn to hate. And if they can do that, then they can also be taught love - for love comes more naturally to the human heart than the opposite."

[Previous Chapter]

Every day is the same here on Giedi Prime - for you at last.

Today would be an exception however, since you had been summoned to an audience with the Baron himself. Suddenly the absence of your husband felt more like a disadvantage than a break...

Rabban was currently far away on Lankiveil, your beloved homeworld. He would never take you with him on these long travels, claiming you'd only be dead weight and an easy target for assassinations.

You presumed it was another form of abuse to keep you separated from what was left of your family, but honestly you were glad - because even though you missed them painfully, you wouldn't want to accompany the Beast tormenting your people.

Dreading the confrontation you hoped that the maids would take their time adorning you, so you could mentally prepare for what's to come.

They dressed you up like a porcelain doll, always in some kind of black attire and with an unnaturally pale shade of makeup - a pathetic attempt at making you blend in with those awful people.

What could the Baron of all people want from someone like you?

This man was an enigma - a macabre personification of greed. He was probably the most ruthless, sick and twisted of all Harkonnens...

...and also the one whose influence turned your husband into the sociopathic killing machine he is now.

Everyone on Lankiveil knew the story about how Rabban became the 'Fist of House Harkonnen': Glossu Rabban was born and partially raised on your homeworld. His mother was a Bene Gesserit and also part of the influental native 'Rabban' family - and yet he shared nothing but disdain for his birthplace.

The former count of your planet, his father and the Baron's brother, was a surprisingly righteous man. He had ruled over Lankiveil with only it's best interest in mind, sparing the populace unnecessary cruelty as long as they'd fulfill their obligations.

Rabban however - as the tales from your elders said - was already born a monster.

Even his own parents, though loving him dearly, started fearing their instable son and his sheer insatiable urge for destruction and violence. And when the time came that he was pronounced 'Nu-Baron', being called to Giedi Prime in order to learn under his uncle's wing, all hope was lost...

...since at his return, Glossu was completely out of control, scarred both mentally and physically.

Only frations of the agony he underwent were whispered on Giedi Prime, what inhumane measurements his uncle had used to scatter Rabban's mind and form a perfectly obedient puppet.

Warped through the time spent under his uncles care, he had forsaken all the teachings his parents had so desperately tried him to embrace.

The list of his crimes exceeds your knowledge and contains basically everything one could imagine. Well, they don't call him Beast for nothing.

It pained you to admit, but despite his atrocious deeds your heart was breaking for your husband - what he could've been, if not for his upbringing.

That made you wonder: Lately, Rabban's behavior had shifted drastically.

Ever since his recovery he seemed to...hesitate. Refrained from laying hands on you or any other ruthless actions. Left you alone most of the time - no, he was actively avoiding you.

Could it be your actions have caused him to have a change of heart, as far as that's possible for someone like him?

Maybe that's just wishful thinking, though - most likely he was just lulling you into a false sense of security to strike soon after.

"One of your maidens has informed me that your monthly bleeding started again."

The Baron's words shook you like a hammer to the forehead, betrayal in your gaze as you locked eyes with the maid that merely did as she was told in order to survive.

Before you could possibly explain yourself, the hideous man would continue his lecture - both irritated and grossed out that he had to bother himself with this matter. "I couldn't care less about the affairs of my nephew's bedroom, but the Order of the Bene Gesserit has started asking questions."

Still kneeling down out of respect - and mainly fear for your life - you wanted to bargain for more time. "M'lord Baron, I-"

A single gesture of his hand cut you off and you immediately complied. It was hard to put into words, but everything about this man made your alarm bells ring. His way of talking was mellow and sophisticated, but he wouldn't even try to hide the malice behind it.

All you could do was hope for his mercy.

"I understand you find my nephew appaling" he explained while loudly chewing his food - talk about disgusting. "But you need to invite him to lay with you for as many times as necessary. Such is your marital duty."

Yes: As long as the Bene Gesserit were expecting you to bear them children, your life would be spared either way.

Not even the Harkonnen would dare to mess with the Order.

"B-But I-I..." So many thoughts were running simultaneously through your mind, but there was no use in explaining your situation. No way he'd take your side - and even if he believed you, the Baron couldn't be trusted. "I understand. Soon, M'lord."

"A doctor will make an appointment with you at the end of this quartal" he informed you, two guards already preparing to guide you back to the chambers. "Shall you not be with child by then, we'll find out if there's an underlying issue...and you know which consequences are tied to it. You may leave."

Still trembling when you arrived at your only safe haven on this planet, your facade immediately dropped as you curled into yourself and submitted to your panic.

Over those past weeks you had desperately offered yourself to Rabban, and every single time he had declined.

The guilt of being responsible for the suffering of countless random women he would rage himself out on instead of you was already crushing enough...

...but now you also had to fear for your own safety, shall you fail to bring forth a heir.

"Have you even stepped outside this room since I left?"

Rabban's greeting cut through the silence long after your breakdown, making you realize just how much time had passed. Sometimes it was hard to tell, on a planet where no sunlight ever hit the surface.

Usually you'd jump at your husband's voice, yet right now you felt almost jubilant being able to settle this issue.

"I rarely leave our home" you admitted shyly, gifting him a welcoming - and almost convincing - smile. "It's unsettling out there, without you at my side."

Indeed, all of those Harkonnen soldiers patroling the hallways painfully reminded you of the war and what it - no, what they made you lose.

Neither the Baron, nor the court or even the servants acknowledged you as one of them. Their aversion due to your heritage was no secret, yet other than subtle looks or whispers they treated you with rather neutral respect.

Your husband was simply too feared even by his own kin, so harming you was out of the question.

All things considered, you held a very high status thanks to your ties to the Beast. It was a luxurious life, at least superficially. And yet excruxiatingly lonely - like a bird in a golden cage.

And still you prefered to isolate yourself, staying in the security of your room to read, thus had even become fluent in their language in no time.

Rabban narrowed his eyes at you, seemingly doubting that statement - to be fair, he was not really the type of person others claimed to feel safe around.

Yet over time you had become at least civil with each other - might even say there was a somewhat mutual understanding.

"Let me help you out of that armor" you offered, realizing he was still in full - bloodied - battlegear. Better try not to think about who those stains belongs to...

Your husband flinched at the sudden invasion of his personal space, yet in the end accepted the gesture without further struggle. He even tried to make himself appear smaller as a sign of goodwill - a sheer impossible task for a man of his calibre.

His eyes would never leave you as you worked on the leather straps of his chest, muscles tensing under your touch. A deep breath escaped his throat, relaxing at the way your scent filled his nostrils, the feeling of your fingers dancing across the fabric and barely ghosting the skin underneath.

Rabban would rather drop dead than to admit it, even to himself - but he missed you dreadfully.

Slowly but steadily he grew fond of the way you were always at his side, indulging in your little acts of kindess despite the circumstances.

You began lingering in the back of his mind, invading his thoughts even when you weren't physically there - like an itch one couldn't quite reach.

No wonder he began killing more frequently, more erratic since you stepped into his life.

It's a need that must be met when the noise in his head becomes too overwhelming, when his muscles itch and his nerves felt like they were struck by lightning.

Holding back his destructive urges for your sake surely went against his nature.

"All done" you cheer clasping your hands together, and Rabban internally whines as your touch leaves him. He never felt like this before - so pathetic and needy.

Why now? And why with you?

You were a plain and inferior creature, there was absolutely nothing special about you at all.

Rabban on the other hand was the member of a main house, feared among the whole known universe. He could quite literally do as he pleased, with everything and everyone he wanted...

...then why was he still drawn to you like a moth to the light?

There is a saying that a person who has nothing to yearn for loses purpose in life - and without purpose, will eventually lose their mind as well.

Harkonnens had become so obscenely rich that their materialistic wealth turned them insane. They indulged in different facets of violent perversion, having compeltely discarded all moral and humanity in their shallow lives.

And yet...

"You got quite comfortable around me, huh?" he remarked, giving it his utmost to remain intimidating but failing miserably.

"Maybe we simply got used to each other" you chuckled bluntly, "Why, is that something bad?"

"No" he crossed his arms and grinned mischievously, "Was thinking of going easier on you anyway. My uncle warned me. He would be furious if you'd take your own life just because I went too overboard."

Oh, so that's the reason.

You felt almost sad that you were proven right: His changed attitude meant nothing - Rabban was still the same, selfish and opportunistic person.

Either way, now was your chance. "Concerning your uncle-"

"Here." It seems he was so deeply buried in thought that he didn't even hear what you've been trying to say.

You almost failed to catch whatever Rabban threw towards your lap, and when you recognized the item you were shocked to say the least. "Where did you-"

"Just take it and let me unwind in peace" he growled, sounding annoyed yet still on edge for your reaction. "It's been a long travel, so be quiet now."

Back during his campaign on Lankiveil, Rabban was desperately trying to distract himself from those nagging thoughts about you. So at some point, he decided to went out for a nightly hunt.

Laying waste to a small village, taking all that's not nailed down. Killing everything that moved, animals and humans alike - at least that was the plan.

When he and his men strolled across the lively market of the town, it fell dead silent. He realized there was some kind of festive going on, and decided if you weren't able to enjoy it then neither of them would...

...yet just when he was about to break hell loose, he spotted a familiar trinket on one of the sale-tables.

It was similar to yours - he accidentally broke the piece during one of his regular anger fits. He remembers your reaction precisely, the way your bottom lip was quivering during your failed attempts to restore it.

The saleslady was quite frightened when he interrogated her, explaining to him that this day was a celebration of Lankiveil's new year - and the trinkets were gifts given to your most beloved as a symbol of your bond.

Your husband took the piece without payment, none of the natives daring to object let alone make any sound. They naively hoped to avoid their doom with this gesture, yet soon after Rabban told the soldiers to wreck the place and treat themselves to whatever. He was almost tempted to spare them, but showing mercy would mean losing face in front of his men.

Rabban himself however wasn't eager to join them anymore.

He thought himselr to be incapable of feeling, that all he was doomed to know were negative emotions.

And on that day he had learned yet another, different form of anger - jealousy.

Neither envy nor greed, just the stinging question why you possessed a neckalce meant for lovers only.

Did you have a lover before you were ripped out of your old life and placed into his?

The Beast watched you without further comment, seemingly indifferent - at least on the outside. You admired the pattern of the jewlery, let your fingers run across the carvings in awe before holding it to your chest, eyes wettening with tears.

His heart drops at the sight - the possibility of his theory being correct.

"Compensation for your old one." Tensed beyong belief, Rabban was pacing on the same spot as if not knowing what to do with himself. "I've learned they mean much to your folk."

"W-Why yes" you stutter, moved by his action but at the same time cautious: You were expecting an ulterior motive, a cruel twist to this gift. Maybe he had plucked it from a corpse of someone you knew, maybe he gave it to you just to smash it again and reenact your misery.

"It belonged to my mother, actually" you eventually opened up, and even though you knew he wouldn't care, having a proper conversation after such a long time of silence sure was enjoyable nonetheless. "My father gave it to her, and she handed it down to me. It was meant as a wedding gift before my department. So I won't forget them, or where I come from."

How ironic, he thought as he felt your confession remove the thorn that was so painfully planted in his chest.

So there was never a lover. It satisfied him, calmed down his racing heart yet only temporarily until you spoke up once again.

"Thank you, Rabban." This was the first time you used his real name instead of his title, and it sounded so smooth with your voice. "I appreciate the sentiment. I'll cherish it!"

Your words make him want to rip out your vocal cords so you lose that bewitching power over him.

Why does he care so much? Why does he - a literal behemoth - feel his knees weaken whenever you gave him the tiniest bit of affection?

The Beast merely harrumphed, tearing himself away from you and that damn smile that's too sweet to be genuine. "I don't care" he lies and hopes you know better than to inquire. "I'll be off-"

"Wait!" Just when you managed to grab the sleeve of his arm, his warrior's instinct caused him to turn around - his fist already in the air, ready to strike.

"...never do that again" he grumbled almost apologetic facing your cowering self, lowering his arm again.

"S-Sorry..." you whimpered, nervously fondling with your hands. "But we-we need to talk. Your uncle said the Bene Gesserit are growing impatient."

"So?" he shrugged, "We're only married for so long. What could they possibly want all of a sudden?"

"They want us to hurry. They want a child." Your husband's eyes widened for a sheer moment, murmuring "Did you tell my uncle?"

"The true reason? The fact that you're withholding from me? No."

"Why?" He gulped several times, but couldn't get that narrowing sensation out of his throat. "There's no need to cover up for me and take the blame."

Seeing a man like the Beast anxious like this made you grow even more worried. Who knows what punishment awaits for those disobeying in the Baron's schemes.

"That's a discrete matter and also none of his concern" you firmly say, taking a more confident stance. "And frankly, with all due respect, but I'd doubt he'll believe me with your kind of...reputation."

Rabban gives a crooked smirk at that jab of yours, but quickly grows serious again. "I'll resolve this, don't worry."

"How? You know there's only one way to do so." Your arms hung loosely, defeated to the sides - and then balled into fists as you accused him: "Or is that what you wsnt, having me rendered useless and disposed of?"

Your husband clenched his jaw, the piercing noise of a cracking teeth filling the room - but nothing else.

"What now, did the great Beast of Lankiveil forget how to talk?" Fury glimmers in his eyes and yet you were unable to hold yourself back, the only thing on your mind being a hopeless future. "I don't understand! Why are you acting this ambiguous? Stop being so cruel and dragging this out, if you want to kill me just do it now!"

With a loud BANG Rabban janked you by the hair and slammed your head onto the nearby tabletop, pressing your cheek onto the wooden surface. He had you bent over, an arm twisted painfully behind your back and the other flailing around to no avail.

"If you insist" His voice was calm, too calm and as unfaltering as his grip. "I can fuck that rebellious spirit out of you until you squeal."

You heared him groan shamelessly, crotch pressing against your behind in this indecent position, your wriggling and writhing only adding to his excitement.

"Then do it." Refusing to cry, you instead pierced him with a look of pure disgust and resentment. "Just get it over with, damn it."

Rabban was taken aback by your bold reaction, certain to have ruined this earlier blissful moment like he would always ruin everything.

"Stop looking at me that way." He shakily breathed out as he turned you around, now lying completely on the table. You felt his harness against your spread legs, about to lose focus as he pulled your hips even closer to his, fingers digging painfully into your thigs.

You wanted to resist, but he easily overpowered you, both hands tightly restrained over your head.

"Stop looking at me like that" he repeats, this time louder. There was something else in his voice other than anger and lust - it was hurt.

"I said STOP!"

When his hands find your throat dissociating became impossible, and your gaze softens with fear. Teardrops run down your cheeks and if it wouldn't be you beneath him, Rabban would certainly be even more turned on.

"P-Please" you choke, clawing at his arms as the lack of oxygen becomes more than a slight discomfort...

...and then, ultimatively, Rabban gave in to his desire.

Your husband's lips crashed over yours, surprisingly gentle yet still demanding as you got trapped in a firm embrace. He moaned - no, whined against your mouth, practically devouring you with this desperate kiss.

His hand ran through your hair, across your cheek to the back of your neck and down your collarbone - pushing you away just when you were about to reciprocate.

The Beast looked devastated, shocked with himself as he stumbled back, looking at you like you were the most dangerous enemy he's ever encountered.

"We'll find a solution" he stammers, already heading for the door. "I'll protect you, I promise by the little honor I have."

What were you even supposed to do, think, feel after this surreal encounter?!

Another one had to take your place tonight - but this time the outcome would be different.

After all, your taste was still lingering on his lips, how he could feel the need between your legs and the way your body melted against his was driving him crazy.

As usual he is overcome with dire ideas as he wallows in the memory of you. How he wants to ruin you, make you beg and moan and cry his name, marked by his blade for everyone to see who you belong to.

In the end however, he comes undone to the mental image of you smiling at him - even though knowing it could never be honest.

"Get the fuck out of my sight." The slave didn't need to be told twice, wouldn't even try to get dressed as she ran for dear life.

Rabban buried his face into his hands, letting out a gutwrenching roar before his fist tore a hole in the next best wall.

Because the true reason he keeps denying you was not because he was afraid for your safety, no - it was because he knew as soon as he'd give himself up to you, it'd mean his imminent defeat.

But his walls were already crumbling, no matter how much he tried to keep it together...

...and as he watches the other woman flee instead of lying dead to his feet, he realizes it's already too late - he was past the point of no return.

[Next Chapter]

[fiveredlights]

You'll be pleased to know I didn't stay up til 4, i just woke up at 6.30 and promptly fell back asleep for 5 hours after reading this last chapter. I've done a couple comments on ao3 now but old habits is infecting my brain so I need to come yell here too.

That website was so cool i can see why with all your coding of various elements of this fic youre switching your degree! a massive good luck for that!!

Matt and Callan have kidnapped me so I understand why you struggled so much to get them to behave. They feel so real as characters that I'm now so sad I can't read more fics about them. Mattlan is now one of my top 5 rpf ships and they don't even fulfill the Real Person requirements there. I wish them both the best in their future red bull/mercedes adventures and championship battle that in my head has to happen.

Max and Daniel are perfect in this. I love your characterisation of them both so much and I hope they have a long and happy life together where Max continues to move the dog statue even though Daniel knows its him now, and Daniel refuses to get rid of it.

Congratulations on finishing this, it'sso good.

As always, I hope your surgery recovery is going well (I have no idea what the recovery time is but completeing this so soon after surgery is such an achievement) and I can't wait to see what you do next, whenever that is.

firstly, very glad that you didn’t stay up haha. im really glad you like the website because i honestly could not sleep tuesday morning because i was laying in bed like “oh my god i hope someone got in oh my god i hope it works”…

now with the website out i've already got cogs turning to try and keep doing these interactive pieces of media because they're my favourite thing. especially because i think it works so well with the social media format. but it's also like i think i've already hit my peak, i legitimately do not know what else i can do that is in my current scope.

matthew and callan. who knew when i went on name generator dot org dot uk that this is where they would be? not me! (also i do find it slightly funny that out of the three main original characters two of them are variations of each other. matthew. matteo. didn't really realise until the last chapter. maybe i'll throw in a mattia to complete the trifecta.)

you made me laugh out loud when you said "Mattlan is now one of my top 5 rpf ships and they don't even fulfill the Real Person requirements there." because this is exactly how i feel. it's maxiel. then mattlan. and they truly only exist in my mind. and it's little bit scary that i'm like the canonical source for it, i'm the one holding the sword. but in true matthew and callan fashion i'm so confident in their abilities to just show up in places they're not meant to be in (see movie star maxiel universe. they're red bull drivers there. so at least in one universe everyone got their wish for them to return to red bull together!) they'll probably annoy and haunt the fuck out of me until i write a proper story for them so i wouldn't worry about not seeing them again.

max goes to extreme lengths to move the dog statue every time daniel comes back home from a race. like daniel could be dead on his feet in desperate need of a hot shower and his own bed but he's not going to bed until he finds this damn dog.

(and thank you for the well wishes on the surgery, i can finally eat real food again so i'm much happier. i literally don't want to see soup or mashed food for like two years. you don't know what you miss until it's gone 💔)

[lynnerdo]

* Deadly Encounter *

Lucanis Dellamorte x BloodMage!Reader

Slow burn, angst, aggression, enemies to lovers, death threats, OOC!Lucanis, blood and injury, slow romance, threats of violence.

Current chapter - Ale First chapter - Arlathan On A03

***

The next few days passed like a blur of calm and recovery. Emmrich’s tea turned out to be some of the best you’d ever had, filling you with warmth and comfort after the harrowing ordeal you had gone through. The weather outside was pleasantly mild, as it always was here in the Fade. Whoever had taken up cooking duties that week was nothing short of a miracle-worker, crafting delicious meals that seemed to help speed your recovery even more.

You spent most of your time reading, diving into research about the Evanuris. Rook managed to persuade Solas to give more information regarding the two gods that roamed Thedas for now. The library within the lighthouse was filled with ancient tomes, magical texts, and maps that would help you prepare. It was nice to have this quiet, to be able to think without the looming threat of danger hanging over your head.

As the day drifted toward evening, your stomach rumbled, reminding you that it had been a while since your last meal. Knowing there was probably some lovely meal prepared already, you decided to make your way to the kitchen and grab something to tide you over. Your ankle had healed, so walking wasn't painful anymore. Your body still felt faint, but nothing you couldn't manage.

You pushed open the dining area door, your mind elsewhere, focused on the scrolls you had been reading. But as soon as you stepped inside, your heart nearly stopped.

Lucanis.

Standing at the hearth, his back turned to you, he looked like he was contemplating something—but the thing that really took you off guard was that he was half-naked. His torso was bare, the glow from the fire casting sharp shadows across the defined muscles of his back and shoulders. He seemed completely unaware of your presence, his attention focused on stirring the pot in front of him.

You froze mid-step, staring at him in shock. The unexpected sight of him like this, so casual, so unlike the gruff and guarded man you had known, left you momentarily speechless. You softly shifted your step and walked towards the kitchen area.

Lucanis turned slightly, sensing someone behind him, and his eyes locked onto yours. He froze as well, his expression flickering with surprise, almost like he hadn’t expected anyone to walk in on him. It had been later than usual, and most people were already in their own chambers. For a few seconds, the two of you just stood there, staring at each other in mutual shock.

He was the first to break the silence. “You… alright?” His voice was low and slightly gruff, but there was an edge of awkwardness to it that you hadn’t heard before.

You blinked, trying to snap yourself out of it. “Yeah, uh—just hungry.”

Lucanis nodded slowly, still eyeing you with that strange mix of surprise and wariness. He glanced down at himself, as if realizing for the first time that he was half-naked in front of you, but he made no immediate move to cover up. He walked over to you. “There’s some stew. If you want it.”

You swallowed, suddenly hyper-aware of how close the two of you were in the small kitchen. “Thanks,” you said, moving over to the counter to grab a bowl. Your hands felt slightly shaky as you served yourself, the tension in the room thick and palpable.

As you worked in silence, Lucanis returned to the hearth, though you could feel his eyes flicker toward you every now and then. The air between you crackled with unspoken words, but neither of you seemed willing to break the uneasy silence that had settled over the room.

You sat down at the large wooden table, your thoughts racing. The sound of the fire crackling and the clink of bowls were the only sounds in the room. You weren’t sure what had shocked you more—the fact that you’d walked in on him half-dressed, or the fact that, for once, he didn’t seem quite so… guarded.

Eventually, Lucanis cleared his throat, breaking the silence again. “Sorry,” he muttered, his gaze flicking back to the fire. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

You offered a small, awkward smile, trying to shake off the strange tension. “It’s fine. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in here.”

Another moment of silence stretched between you before Lucanis gave a slight nod and turned his focus back to the fire. As he warmed up, you couldn’t help but feel that there was something more simmering beneath the surface. Something that neither of you were ready to talk about yet.

But for now, you ate in silence, both of you pretending like nothing had changed—even though something undeniably had.

Lucanis shifted where he stood, clearly uncomfortable with the silence that had descended between you. He took another look at you, glancing your way, then looked back at the fire. After a long pause, he cleared his throat.

"So," he began, his voice slightly hesitant, "uh… how’s your leg?" his voice softer and more melodic than before.

You glanced up from your bowl, surprised that he was trying to make small talk. Lucanis wasn’t exactly known for his conversational skills, at least not with you. Still, there was something almost… endearing about the awkwardness in his tone.

“It’s getting better,” you replied, flexing your leg a little beneath the table. “Still bruised, but Emmrich did a good job with the healing.”

Lucanis nodded, his brows furrowing as if he was carefully considering his next words. "Good. That’s good." He looked away again, then seemed to realise he couldn’t just leave it there. “You, uh… you’re doing okay otherwise? I mean, with… everything?”

You couldn’t help but arch an eyebrow. He was trying so hard, but it was obvious he had no idea how to handle casual conversation. There was a part of you that found it almost cute, in a way you never thought possible with him.

“Everything?” you asked, slightly amused. “You mean the exploding bandits, or the general chaos that comes with this group?”

“Both,” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair. “I’m just asking.”

You stifled a small smile and focused on your food for a moment, unsure how to respond to his sudden interest in your well-being. Then, out of nowhere, a thought crossed your mind—a way to break the tension and push him a bit, just to see what he’d do.

“Do you have anything… alcoholic around here?” you asked casually, lifting your eyes to meet his.

Lucanis paused, his eyes narrowing in mock offense. “Alcohol? Now why the hell would you need that?”

“Because,” you said, shrugging as you set your spoon down, “you’re being genuinely nice, and it’s weird. Thought a drink might help me make sense of it.” You weren't lying. Lucanis being anything but aggressive toward you felt weird. His face was weird, his body language was weird. And you wanted to calm your nerves that went with that. Emmrich's recent words ghosting in your mind also didn't help you calm down.

He gave a low, incredulous snort, crossing his arms over his chest. “Nice? I’ve always been nice.”

You raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, and he scowled playfully. “What? You don’t believe me?”

“Oh, absolutely not.”

Lucanis gave an exaggerated huff, pretending to be offended. “Unbelievable. Here I am, asking about your health, trying to have a normal conversation, and you accuse me of lying.”

You let out a small laugh, and it felt good to break the tension. “I’m just saying, Lucanis. You usually only talk to me when you’re barking orders or—well, when you’re not being this... nice.”

He shook his head, a faint smirk tugging at his lips as he finally sat down across from you. “Maybe I’m just trying to change that.”

The words hung between you for a moment, and though his tone was light, there was something a little more serious in his eyes when he said it. You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but either way, it left you feeling a little off-balance.

“Change it, huh?” you said, raising your eyebrows as if challenging him.

He leaned back in his chair, still holding your gaze, though his expression had softened slightly. “Yeah. Maybe I am.”

You smiled again, a real one this time, feeling a strange warmth rise in your chest. Maybe things were shifting between you, in ways you hadn’t quite expected.

“Well,” you said, “I’d still take that drink, if you’ve got one.”

Lucanis chuckled, shaking his head as he stood up. “I’ll see what I can find.”

As he rummaged through a nearby cupboard, you couldn’t help but notice how the awkward tension had started to melt away. The way he was trying—really trying—to make an effort didn’t go unnoticed. Maybe he wasn’t quite as heartless as you’d once thought.

Moments later, he returned with a bottle and two mugs, setting them down in front of you. “Only ale,” he said, as if apologizing for the lack of a more refined selection. “But it’ll do.”

You took the mug he handed you, raising it in a small toast. “It’ll do.”

He clinked his mug against yours, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the two of you shared a brief moment of peace, the tension between you no longer a sharp edge, but something softer. Something warmer.

It was soul-soothing, sitting there with Lucanis, the warmth of the ale settling deep in your bones. The two of you had started out with small talk—nothing too serious, mostly about the mission, the state of things were back when in the Inquisition, and the occasional jibe at Rook’s constant state of exhaustion. But the tension had evaporated, replaced by an unexpected sense of comfort.

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt this at ease around him. Never, really. Normally, you were always on guard, waiting for the next jab or judgmental glance. But now, sitting by the fire with the warmth of the drink loosening both your tongues, you could almost pretend that Lucanis wasn’t the same man who had once treated you with such distrust. It felt as if he was happy with the change as well, his face less angular and angry, more soft features popping up, and his eyes no longer searching yours in defiance or disgust.

He leaned back in his chair, swirling the mug in his hand, a half-smile playing on his lips as he told you about a skirmish he’d been in years ago. Something about the way he spoke, his voice a little slurred from the ale, made the story funnier than it probably should have been.

“…and then the idiot actually tried to duel me with a stick. A stick, can you believe it?” he said, chuckling as he took another swig.

You snorted, shaking your head. “Did you at least let him get a swing in for effort?”

“I might’ve let him land one—barely,” Lucanis said, shrugging with a mock-serious expression. “But that’s where I draw the line. Idiocy doesn’t deserve encouragement.”

You both laughed, and it felt easy, natural. The fire crackled low in the hearth, the warmth of it adding to the cozy atmosphere. Your mug was nearly empty when Lucanis suddenly leaned forward, a glint in his eye.

“Alright,” he said, setting his mug down with a thud. “I’m going to show you something.”

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued and a little wary. Also, he was way too close but the alcohol really helped with calming your nerves. “Oh? What’s that?”

Without answering, he pulled a small knife from his belt and held it up between his fingers. “A trick I learned ages ago,” he said, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Your stomach lurched slightly, both from curiosity and the very real concern that whatever this trick was, it might end with someone losing a finger—most likely him, given the state of the ale. “Lucanis, are you sure this is a good idea? You’ve had a few drinks…”

He waved off your concern, a little too confidently. “Relax, I’ve done this a hundred times.”

You watched as he balanced the knife on the tip of his finger, concentrating hard, the alcohol clearly slowing his reflexes. For a moment, it actually seemed like he was going to pull it off—but then, just as the knife started to wobble, he lost his grip, sending it spinning dangerously through the air.

“Shit!” he cursed, lunging to grab it.

The knife clattered to the ground harmlessly, and you couldn’t help it—you burst into laughter, the absurdity of the moment catching you off guard. Lucanis, too, started laughing, shaking his head in disbelief at himself.

“Alright, maybe not my best idea,” he admitted, still chuckling.

“Definitely not,” you teased, wiping a tear from the corner of your eye. “But you get points for trying.”

He slumped back into his chair, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, well. You’re a tough one to impress.” Whatever he implied there, sent a shiver down your spine.

“I’m impressed you didn’t stab yourself,” you shot back, still grinning.

He laughed again, the sound rough but genuine, and you realised just how close the two of you were sitting now. Sometime during the night, the space between you had disappeared, and your knees were nearly brushing against each other. Neither of you seemed to notice—or if you did, neither of you was making any effort to move.

For a moment, there was silence. A comfortable, almost intimate silence. You looked into your empty mug, and then back at Lucanis. He was still smiling, but there was something softer in his expression now, something that hadn’t been there before.

You weren’t sure what it was—maybe the alcohol, maybe the late hour—but there was a part of you that was glad for this, for the strange and unexpected closeness. Maybe things between you had always been strained, but right now, with the firelight flickering and the warmth of the ale in your veins, you could almost imagine that the two of you could get along—maybe even more than that, if you let yourself think about it. Emmrich might've... been right.

Lucanis cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “We should probably head back. Before we end up doing something even stupider.”

You smiled, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, probably.” But neither of you moved right away, the fire crackling quietly between you as the moment lingered just a little longer.

You stood up first, your body still warm from the ale and the lingering heat of the fire. Lucanis’ eyes followed you, a look of something close to reverence flickering in their depths, but also guilt. It was like he wanted to say something, something more, but the words seemed stuck in his throat.

You looked down at him for a moment, your heart beating a little faster as he shifted in his seat. For a second, it looked like he was going to reach out—his hand twitching ever so slightly. You could feel the weight of the moment between you, something unspoken hanging in the air. But instead of taking his hand, you simply said, “I’m going to go.”

Too soon for that. Whatever that was.

Lucanis froze, his hand falling back to his side. He nodded, the tension between you thickening for a heartbeat before you turned to leave. You took a few steps toward the door, feeling the weight of his gaze on your back.

Before you could take another step, though, you heard him get up. His boots scraped against the floor, and you felt his presence behind you.

“Wait,” Lucanis said, his voice softer than usual, almost hesitant. You stopped, but didn’t turn around, your hand resting on the doorframe. He cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. “I… I wanted to apologize.”

You didn’t say anything at first, but slowly turned to face him, raising an eyebrow in surprise. Lucanis wasn’t one to apologize easily, or at all, really.

“For what?” you asked, your voice neutral, though curiosity edged into your tone.

He looked down at his feet for a moment, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “For everything,” he muttered, as if he wasn’t sure where to start. “For the way I’ve treated you… since the beginning. I haven’t been fair. To you.”

His words hung in the air, almost surprising himself with the admission. Lucanis looked back up at you, his expression conflicted, as if torn between wanting to say more and holding himself back.

“You’re no longer a danger to me. Or anyone else here. I see that now,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, the weight of his guilt clear in every word.

You didn’t reply immediately, watching him with guarded eyes. It wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate the apology—you did. But after everything, the weight of the past couldn’t just be erased with a few words. There was still too much between you, too much hurt and mistrust, even if it was fading.

“Thanks for saying that,” you finally replied, your voice measured. “But it’s going to take more than words, Lucanis.”

He nodded, the truth of your words sinking in. His jaw tightened, but he didn’t argue. “I know.”

You didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but for tonight, you decided to let it go. You gave him a small, tight-lipped smile before turning back toward the door.

"Maybe over another bottle of ale," you huffed jokingly, breaking the tension. He smiled in response, "gladly." His eyes were softer now, darting down to your smile slightly.

“Good night, Lucanis.”

“Good night,” he echoed, watching as you left the room.

As you walked away, the heaviness of the moment still lingered in the air, a tension that had been loosened but not completely broken. It was going to take time for the walls between you to fully come down, and for now, that was enough.