#PORTFOLIOS SUCK TO MAKE
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looking at art: aw hell yeah this goes off! i love this! yippee!
looking at that same art when making a portfolio: yeah uhh ehh its a bit uhhh hmmm
#kandi thoughts#pelase#everything looks bad#told mother beloved about it and she reassured me but still#im young and dont need to be super good at art but MAN#M A N#PORTFOLIOS SUCK TO MAKE#lots of people i know irl are urging me to make one#and like#yes thank you you’re so nice bUT#COMPANYS WANT OLDER PEOPLE WITH MORE EXPERIENCE#i have qualifications and stuff but *peers over at my age* grrrrrrr#rant rant rant#ramble ramble#ignore *explodes*
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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That job called me back to say they accepted me but yet again the pay rate wasn't what they had listed, and I could tell the manager talking to me knew that too bc she kept trying to tiptoe around it. If your company site says 14/hr for a part time position as the *starting base pay*, don't tell me it's actually 9-10/hr and then move on! "Well pay raises and promotions are possible!" Im not gonna wait til ive worked 2 years for a $2.50 pay raise, ESPECIALLY when you're fightin so hard to talk about anything but that! That's not the pay I discussed with the store owners and the shit you're offering me would only stretch so far like cmon
#I AM SO TIRED#i cant pay my bills or help my aunt with 10 bucks an hour#ive worked for that wage and it didn't help at all I literally cannot make less than at least 13/hr if I wanna take care of myself#AND my family#why does it feel like im being tested#i dont wanna give up but Ive wasted so much time on this when I couldve been working on my tattoo portfolio#im so sure at this point thats just the way to go bc the sooner I start doing that the sooner i make the money I want#but ugh I hate that I have to lean on my family even more when we're all struggling as is#this just sucks#mag.txt
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tired , , , , , , , , , ,
#old job wants me back and is offering to pay equal to the job i'm currently applying for#except i'm pretty sure they don't know how much i'll be earning at the new job because they'd need to pay me like $200 an hour to match#because they're offering me the same 5 hour a week bit essentially#only without the extra 2 to 6 hours i could earn on the weekends doing training and storage unit organization#i really don't want to talk to anyone though sdkjfhlgshdjkfg#i'm feeling exhausted . . . . . . . . . . .#after dealing with the portfolio any amount of writing responses feels like its pulling me apart like taffy#which sucks when like a week after i submitted i got an email with a lengthy form asking for my responses <3333#and unfortunately i agreed to it back in like may so <3333#i would say 'I WANT OUT I WANT OUT' but technically i'm already out#it's just that this year has left me so drained that the average everyday correspondence i'd normally be able to handle#now makes me feel like sisyphus . . . . . .
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Someone stick me in a hole with 1000000000 sheets of paper and 100000000 tombow fudenosuke pens
#I want to disappear for a year and come back with a whole new portfolio#it’s so easy to get sucked into make art post make art post#bc it’s instant gratification. instant proof that someone likes your work#but maybe it’s better if I don’t know what people think of my work#I just want to create. without obstruction
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I finally made my own neocties page that has all my links, an art gallery and some links to other cool websites.
check it out!
#personal work#neocities#portfolio#yes i know the css sucks but i cant be bothered to make something more better because i hate coding
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Character design exercise, Featuring my Aunt’s cat
#I am slowly trying to expand my digital art beyond just fanart#This blog has basically become a Beetlejuice blog#Not that there’s anything wrong with that!#The only thing that sucks is that I try over and over again to make something original#and then I just go back to my sillies#I’ve got to make a portfolio soon and I don’t have very many solid peices for it 😭#character design#procreate#my art#character art
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it's great to see students rise up against ties between universities and military corps, I hope it will also extend into a larger conversation about the lack of transparency behind financial "investments" in general, for citizens and businesses alike. banks and financial institutions need to become more transparent on where the money is going and allow ppl to really chose who they want to invest in
#I was talking to a friend abt this#and she said her bank said 'oh we offer 'green' investment packages' but couldn't list exactly which businesses it would go towards#so my friend contracted a private consultant who made her a list and worked on a portfolio that makes sense to her#and we're not talking huge amount of money. she's a young professional who just opened a savings account you know what I mean#it sucks that you don't have a lot of options if you don't want to play that game. banks need more transparency
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I ADORE your art. I love how you use color and just your style is SO jgpgdgdjldfjtuzifs
Anyways, I'm curious if you went to school to learn art or you taught yourself!
I did go to art school, but it wasn't to learn art! I went to art school to learn how to. uh. make comics. specifically, the technical, production, and business aspects of it! (also thank you!)
#fully recommend no one ever goes to art school if they're in america bc it sucks here. the loan debt is NOT worth it#and very rarely do people actually care abt ur art school degree. its about your portfolio. art school is only good for connections#and you can make those in other ways without the crushing weight of student loan debt and interest#HEUGHGHH NOT TO GO ON A SOAP BOX TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STATE OF ART SCHOOL. anyway#art school had very little impact on my style tbqh#the biggest impacts style wise that school had on my were the figure drawing and painting classes#but that's because i didn't have access to live figure drawing where i was living before#and painting was an eye opener bc i couldn't afford to take a chance on oil painting until it was a class requirement#i think artists at heart are self taught bc art is a dialogue with thousands of years of history#all art school can do is speed up or condense that conversation#everything is already out there in the world so all that's left is to pick up a pencil and see what happens#more specifically ive been drawing since i was 5 (crayons baby) but i started to take it more seriously in highschool bc it was#the only thing i was good at so i started looking up the old masters and studying their techniques#and reading art history books at the public library to find out what's been going on in art for the last thousand years#ask tag
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gahh . im still thinking about stuff.
#and like ugh. no. the reason i havent been happy with my art recently despite liking how it looks is cus im too exhausted#from work and life and such to really put the effort and thought into it i want. its careless. its thoughtless. theres#very little in my current portfolio im satisfied with on an intellectual level. and it makes me feel very#stagnant and kind of pissy about art. gah.#<- btw. call me pretentious or whatever and ill just straight up kill you. this isnt pretentiousness. i just care deeply about my art and#it conveying what i want it to. for me to be failing on that well. it kindof sucks#i think a lot of the work im happy with now is my stupid soliloquies to myself. theyre scratchy and look bad but at least they#get it across. yknow? ahh its so hard then.#txt#this isnt all that serious just thinking to myself.#having an odd blurry moment so putting my thoughts to text helps a lot in figuring who i am LOL . <- in a system way not in a .#whatever#but i do think that ^ above not the system stuff ^ contributes to why i really feel negatively about being viewed as a fandom artist#despite drwaing fanart- i want to use these characters to explore and think about stuff. u know? and i think fandom spaces#tend to treat fanart and writing and all that as mostly disposable one time use pretty things to think on once nad never agian.#and GAH!! that bugs me!!! i do not like how the internet has PRIMED people into treating art that way!#personal pet peeve i guess. what can you do
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Experiencing catharsis through angst and hurt/comfort fanfic but as soon as I stop the horribleness™ comes back
#like bro you did the catharsis why do you still feel like shit#i think im at the point where i like my current interest so much that NOT actively engaging with it makes me depressed#but engaging with it makes me feel too much emotions (good ones dw. but like the kinda joy that hurts your chest from its intensity thats#usually best in small doses)#so im just. constantly overwhelmed#also school sucks but thats nothing new#i hate ah art! art is difficult as a baseline but giving us free reign over our portfolio theme was a bid idea i have no idea what im doing#and my twcahers are sick of discussing it with me#so i keep making shit knowing i hate it and its probably not gonna be marked well#psii.txt#vent
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👾 Artfight attacks from last year as team cyberpunk! 👾
Character creators from top to bottom, going from left to right:
Sixbane
BLOODBLIGHT
Drago_Gemsoul
Faunhorns
Pigeonparty
LynRrez
Melochi
Diamondwolfart
OhNoCarlos
Skyepawbz
#This was unfortunately the year where things got really dry on my end so I was barely attacked or revenged for these#Didn't care too too much as I put in the effort to make them portfolio pieces mostly#But it still sucked hard#I know you shouldn't EXPECT people to revenge but getting TWO after alla this really fucks up your motivation lol#Sorry it was THREE mb#The random attacks I got were awesome though#digital art#furry art#furry community#art#artfight#furry artist#artists on tumblr#furry fandom#artfight 2k22
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Just finished the first round of coding for my website! It's. such a huge work in progress but it's moving forward and I have full commissioning functionality rn so if you need anything arted, crocheted, or embroidered check it out :>
#portfolio#commission#art commission#commissions open#website#self coded#html5 css3#firebase sucks I wanted to cry making this#why are local files never enough :(:(:(:(
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Ugggghhhhhhhhhhhh everything is. Bad
#cant even listen to a talk about animation or watch animation shorts without getting sad aaaaaaaaaaaa#i am SO looking at the animation thesis looking for cleanupers and colorists...but my portfolio....#but everything is making me sad 🙃 even if i think smth is cool#my mind instantly starts feeling terrible 🙃#i want this gone!!! im not going to be able to do ANYTHING like this 🙃#haunted.txt#im not making any sense i know its just like#anything: *feels bad*#so it just gives me even more wishes to just stay in bed and sleep#i cant help but feel everything is hopeless and i should just. not even try#and i dont want that!!!!!! go away#even if i suck and get rejected forever. i still want to try...
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#makes me so mad actually tht i need meds to like feel norm#like idk not mad in that stupid 'OUGHJG IM RELIANT ON MEDICATION I NEED PILLS TO GRT THROUGH THE DAY' way#but like . i dont even know how to explain it. awesome !! if i want to feel emotions other than nothingness or anger#even if i learn to cope better and live with the Horrors im literally physically incapable of feeling things like joy or sadness on the reg#if my meds ever stop working or im unable to take them then ill be back to feeling nothing at all anymore 80% of the time#and its so. ;__;#anyway they finally kicked in hard again today after that stint of not being able to get em during portfolio messed me up#feels a strong emotion for the first time in forever and sits awake crying after they knocked me out hard#insomnia on top of it all sucks why do i have to take meds to be able to even feel tired in a bodily way#like genuinely i hardly ever feel tired where its like i cant get out of bed or im so sleepy i just need to lay there. i never feel that#and its so hard for me to sleep bc the only way im ever tired is mentally. it makes me so mad i love being insane#the gamer speaks uwu
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desperately throwing my animatics at my portfolio please let me into your animation program, school
#my post#BLEASE#they did eventually call me it was like 2 seconds after i complained about them being late#and the lady was like ' ok so you want to switch your major?' and wordlessly typed into her computer for several minutes#and then she was like 'ok well. they want you so ill get into contact with them and see if theyll reconsider'#and then very vaguely said someone would contact me in some way in like a week or so#and so now im just sitting here vibrating like HWAT NOW??#WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHILE I WAIT#THIS IS LIKE WAITING TO SEE IF I GOT ACCEPTED ALL OVER AGAIN !!!!!!!!!#unfair 2 me. simply let me in bcus i asked politely#anyways now im panicking and yeeting more stuff into my portfolio incase they decide to look at it again#woe ctommy animatic be upon ye#not even gonna pretend to be nervous about the sheer amount of mcyt shit im submitting like they already accepted me mostly based on ctommy#they can handle the sbsr cr hand holding animatic#consideringggg adding ynbf but it doesnt look very nice idk if i want my school to see that#but i did add am i making u proud yet even tho she kinda sucks <33 shes funny tho#i also added one of the ones i drew on my ohone yippee#guys wtf goes into an animation portfolio bcus i have no fucking clue i am guessing over here
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