#Outside problems

[kv55]

I will come back for him

[krysmcscience]

Did somebody say Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear? I think somebody said Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear. Thanks to that, have these retooled The Good Place jokes:

The "powers that be" can refer to either the Theraprism staff, the Axolotl, or just. Ya know. Disney in general. Or all three! Whichever you think is funniest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The "party" Bill's referring to is Weirdmageddon, of course. He was quite the ashhole to everyone back then.

Ford has probably gotten pretty good at the 'tune out your psychopathic ex with dank memes' challenge.

It must be very cathartic to be able to make Bill shut up whenever you want with just the press of a button. I'm sure Ford doesn't abuse this ability at all.

Oh, sure, 'Not now,' he says, before he immediately backs out of the newly-made hole in the Theraprism wall. 🙄

Don't worry, Bill doesn't get far.

also yeah i know this one doesn't have an attempted swear - i just wanted to use the joke because of the massive stink-eye involved in it because it makes me laugh

⬇️ More goofs beneath the brief ramble if you wanna skip it lmao⬇️

Why is Ford even there, you might ask? Well, he either decided he preferred to watch Bill suffer in person over being distantly and repeatedly harassed with the same evil desperation book for the rest of his life, or he got roped into some kind of contrived community service for 1.) all his many counts of interdimensional thievery, and 2.) his ignoring all the very clear warnings to NOT summon Bill in the first place (which I like to imagine is also illegal). Theraprism staff were just like, 'Wait, this guy matters to Bill? Ooh, we can USE that! It might be the only thing that can help him want to get better!' It is not considered that throwing Ford at Bill so soon after Weirdmageddon could instead make them both WORSE - in new and altogether special ways! :D

Anyway, I'm calling it the Community Service AU, and I am most likely not going to do anything else with it beyond appropriating these silly Good Place jokes. So, feel free to adopt the concept if y'all wanna??? Just make sure that Bill is still not allowed to swear, no matter what, full stop. It's gotta be a real linguistic corkblork of a situation for him, is all I'm sayin'.

Finally, have these bonus Good Place jokes, but with Handyman!Bill this time:

'Opposite tortures' doesn't sound so bad...at least until it's an all-powerful chaos entity known for torture saying it.

you may think i forgot mabel's cute pink cheeks but the truth is that i did in fact forget but then immediately stopped caring which makes it okay, SHHHHHHH

And, finally:

lmao this is shit

True facts, if you cram Season 1 Eleanor Shellstrop and Michael into a singular triangle shape, they turn into Bill Cipher. This is science, look it up. Or don't, and just trust the source that is me, bro.

Anyway, I should be in bed, y'all have fun with these, I guess. Tune in after like a week or so and maybe I'll have an addendum to my comic about how Bill was drawn naked for karaoke night. Because him actually being naked was not the only thing I considered as a plausible explanation. XD

Also if you see any inconsistencies or errors in any of these comics, No You Do Not :D

Also also, reblogs are rad as hell and I appreciate every single one, just don't repost, please and thanks. Every time a repost is made, an artist somewhere cries. :,)

[buryman1]

Iron &Wine/Andrew Bird-July 31, 2022 Levitt Pavillion Steelstacks- Bethlehem, PA

[batsyheere]

Tim froze. "Huh?"

"I mean, you're definitely cute. But I don't feel comfortable with strangers? And I don't want there to be any misunderstandings."

Danny Nightingale looked flustered, nervous, and far too pretty with his cheeks flushing red under the glow of the nearby lamp fixtures. Tim wondered when his brain would finally come back online. Right now it was far too interested in putting everything else on the backburner.

On one hand, he had been trying to get information out of Danny on his connection to Vlad Masters- a connection that had seemed more tenuous with each passing minute of the evening. On the other, Tim could admit it had sounded a bit like he was inviting Danny for something more.

And if he was honest with himself, it was only mostly unintentional.

"It's not even you, I just get attached really easily and don't want something casual. Sorry."

Tim hadn't even realized boundary setting could be so attractive.

"No. Yeah, that's- fine." Smooth. The Drake-Wayne charm at its finest. Tim could hear Jason snickering on the comms.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Andrew Bird, Margaret Glaspy & Julian Lage Gezelligheid Preview

Andrew Bird; Photo by David Black

BY JORDAN MAINZER

It's that time of year again--not just for Christmas or Hannukah or beer and wine advent calendars, but for Andrew Bird's annual Gezelligheid concerts at the Fourth Presbyterian Church. This year, Bird will perform 7 shows: tonight, tomorrow, and the 11th-15th. Usually, he plays a mix of original songs and holiday-related covers or standards. In 2020's Hark!, Bird has his first ever Christmas album to his name, so you can expect to hear a few of those tunes, too.

If it were up to me, Bird would gift us some instrumentals. That is, earlier this summer, he followed up 2022's Inside Problems with a companion album, Outside Problems (Loma Vista), improvised instrumentals recorded outdoors in Ojai, CA. Though it follows some of the formless themes of Inside Problems, it's wholly original and some of Bird's most inspired work in years. "Epilogue" is flaneur-like, Bird purposefully not giving thought to the potential for other band members or a chorus or structures, while cheekily titled tunes like "Mormon House Party" and "Tik Tok" use repetitive sways to lull us into the bends of Bird's violin. Best, his gorgeous voice does appear, but in the form of wordless vocalizations, harmonizing with his plucks on "Mancey" or popping up on the off beat on "Mormon House Party".

Margaret Glaspy; Photo by Josh Goleman

Opening for Bird each night is a duo comprised of Margaret Glaspy and Julian Lage, creative and life partners who have never released any recorded duo material but have plenty of history showing up on each other's records. For one, each had a hand in producing the other's 2023 album, Glaspy's terrific Echo the Diamond (ATO) and Lage's Grammy-nominated The Layers (Blue Note). Echo the Diamond prominently features both Lage and Bird collaborators (The Bad Plus drummer Dave King, bassist Chris Morrissey), and you can certainly hear Lage's jazz influences on the skittering Ryan Lerman co-write "Hammer and the Nail". Not to take anything away from Glaspy--Echo the Diamond is far and away her best album yet mostly thanks to the increasingly worn twang of her voice and ability to make worlds out of fleeting moments and the conversations we have with ourselves, in our own heads. From country-tinged odes to new love ("Act Natural") and feminist rallying cries ("Female Brain"), to reverent admittances to the power of our minds ("Memories") and self-criticism ("Turn The Engine"), Echo the Diamond runs the gamut of emotions in a lean 35 minutes. At the center of it all is Glaspy's observational prowess, or as she describes on closer "People Who Talk", her ability to "make like a fox and start listening."

Julian Lage; Photo by Alysse Gafkjen

Glaspy's influence on Lage's The Layers is a tad more palpable. Written as a described "prequel" to 2022's View With A Room, the record showcases interplay between Jorge Roeder's bass and King's drums, and at times between Lage and Bill Frisell. Glaspy's able to emphasize the raw timbres of Lage and Frisell's acoustic guitars on "This World", or Lage's expansive, twinkling playing on "Missing Voices" atop King's creaking percussion. And the title track is a chugging, almost country rock number, an instrumental that could back Glaspy without batting an eye. In fact, it wonderfully previews Lage's latest choogle of a single "Omission", produced by Joe Henry and that will feature on an upcoming Blue Note album next year. It's hard to predict what Glaspy and Lage will play, but both artists, individually and together, have the chops to make it a memorable opening set you won't want to miss.

[mxdwn]

Andrew Bird Announces New Album “Outside Problems” for July 2023 Release

[why-is-it-always-autumn]

Love a self-inflicted time loop. The main character isn’t trapped.  They can stop whenever they want.  But how can they when things aren’t perfect yet?  They can do better than this.  They need to try again.  They can get it right this time.  They just need to try again.  They can stop anytime they want.  Just one more time.  They can fix this. They just need to try again.  There are still things to fix.  They just need to try again.

[chalkrub]

saw some mangy dog on the outskirts of town

[the-mpreg-guy]

the hill that i will die on is that cas would have never said he loved dean if he had to deal with the consequences of it afterwards, meanwhile dean (who was SUPPOSED to tell cas he loved him in the original crypt scene script) would have eventually worked up to saying it without external pressure

[noneofyoubeewax]

Marvel has a staring problem

Flash: * eating in the cafeteria minding his own business*

Marvel: *staring from across the room* (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O)

Flash: *starts chewing his food slowly while glancing back at Marvel*

Marvel: *still staring* (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O) (U)_(U) (O)_(O)

Flash: *feels as if the temperature is rising while tugging at his suit and no longer focusing on his food*

Marvel: *No longer blinking* (O)_(O) (O)_(O) (O)_(O) (O)_(O) (O)_(O)

Flash: *heavy, rapid  breathing. Now fully looking at marvel*

Marvel *only to be met with cold, empty eyes* (O)_(O)

Flash: *is at his breaking point* DUDE WHAT DO YOU WANT.

Marvel: *billy, who was deep Conversation with the gods* Huh?

[cosmicredcadet]

All this aroace character shipcourse has proven to me that a majority of people that interact in fandom cannot actually interact with characters and media outside of shipping and genuinely I believe you need to learn how to interact with media outside of shipping.

[proteusolm]

It's a shame how many people consider themselves animal lovers but hate any wild animal they personally interact with. I'm talking folks who love the idea of far away animals, pretty pictures of tigers and whales, but any creature they may actually see in their day to day life is viewed only ever as a problem. I can't think of one species of urban wildlife that isn't seen as a pest more often than not. The wolf is beloved to the person who will never see one in nature, but the coyote is a dirty varmint. These two animals are far, far more similar to one another than they are different. One just dares to exist near us.

[royaltea000]

I love Bai Long Ma he truly don’t gaf

[timethehobo]

What-if pair…? Just had the thought of both of them silently enjoying their hobbies in each other’s company. (Emmy is helping, ok.)

[sleepy-writes-stuff]

DP X DC PROMPT #28

(#) = Notes at the end of post

✦

Chartreuse

Due to the high levels of ambient ectoplasm, all the citizens of Amity Park gained a permanent change in eye color. They don't glow or flare in response to rampant emotions like true ghosts or the halfas though. They're just an unnaturally bright yellow-green.

The thing is, nobody else on Earth has this eye color, and it's never been seen in the human race until the recently graduated Amity Parkers started branching out to other cities to find jobs.

Nobody paid this any mind at first, though. Many just thought the individuals liked strangely colored contacts or it was a trick of the light. It's not until Danny and Tucker are both hired for positions in Wayne Enterprises that questions start popping up.

At first, the other employees thought the two might be related. It could happen, it's not that strange. However, when both of them said they're nowhere near related, just childhood best friends, it left everyone confused. If they aren't related and they aren't wearing colored contacts, then what are the odds of too completely unrelated people having the exact same strange and unseen eye color?

After a while, everyone just stops asking questions. After all, both men are easy to get along with and are excellent at their jobs, so a strange eye color isn't really something to complain about. Their stares were just a bit more intense than most people, and honestly, they've seen stranger things.

It helps that they've started seeing other people with the same eye color popping up in celebrity, sports, and activist circles. (1)

However, It's not until the power goes out during a late meeting/presentation, and Tim Drake accidentally turns on and shines his cell phone light into Tuckers eyes, that he starts seriously digging.

Needless to say, the animal-like green shine of his pupils scared the shit out of him and got him wondering if two of his new employees were part of a previously unknown alien race that'd recently settled on Earth without anyone noticing. When he looks into the middle of nowhere town they came from, this idea is even further cemented when he sees every person he finds a photo of have the exact same shade of chartreuse eyes. Ignoring the ghost rumors and "sightings" as just a strange tourist trap for the strange little town to make extra income, he brings the info he found to the other bats and birds.

They aren't exactly welcomed when they go snooping around Amity Park, unfortunately... (2 & 3)

✦

Now. To make this a bit more cracky, when confronted, do Danny and Tucker just come clean or do they milk the idea of them being aliens for all it's worth? (4) Add in a few strange, but perfectly normal for them, things they do that have people scratching their heads and make the assumption even worse/more irrefutable. This includes the unexplainable eye shine Tim discovered.

✦

(1) Paulina became a supermodel and is coveted for her striking eye color and beautiful complexion. Dash became a coach for a well known college in Metropolis, while Kwan became a fitness trainer and sponsor for health related items that actually work, also partnered with the college Dash coaches at. Sam became a notorious environmental activist and is the enemy of many companys who are determined to turn the world into a toxic wasteland. With the help of Danny's parents, she's found many eco-friendly chemical compounds that dissolve many of the toxic substances damaging ecosystems around the world. Etc, etc.

(2) Ectoplasm exposure has made everyone a bit more territorial over the town, including their protectors. They don't need outside heroes/organizations interfering with their work and don't/won't take kindly to the sudden interest hero organizations gain over them and their strange little town. That hasn't worked out too well with other government sanctioned organizations in the past and they don't want a repeat, thank you.

(3) Maybe Team Phantom even established themselves right around the same time or even before the Justice League was formed and they just flew under the radar until now. Maybe Amity Parkers feel a bit superior due to their seniority in having an excellent team in the know about the supernatural/non-human side of the world/universe? Who knows? You pick! Amity Park has been through a lot by themselves, so it's no shocker if they have an extreme amount of solidarity towards those they call their own.

(3 cont'd) Also! Since Amity Park has become so rich and saturated in ectoplasm over the years, they were eventually annexed/became an outside part of the Ghost Zone. Jack and Maddy are border patrol and any ghosts coming through need a passport now. Amity Park is basically a vacation hub for ghosts? Ghosts can freely roam the streets, they just don't wreak havoc anymore. That'd basically be terrorizing their fellow citizens at this point anyway and that's a no no. That means jail time with Walker. Amity Parkers also aren't afraid anymore and in fact CAN hit back now. This does not stop the Bat Clan and eventually the Justice League from thinking they're a town full of aliens tho. Some are just more human looking than others. Or they've been on Earth and procreating long enough with humans that their hybrid offspring have also started looking more human, is the ongoing conclusion.

(4) The Anti-Ecto Acts are not an issue here! Team Phantom already dismantled and annihilated the GIW years before they even thought of leaving Amity Park on its own. Before graduating highschool even. Yes, Team Phantom is perfectly self-sufficient and able to handle their own problems and have kept the city-wide ghost infestation pretty isolated outside a few events that were handled quickly and with the world none the wiser. So the world is still pretty ignorant of the existence of ghosts/the Ghost Zone. Would Team Phantom and Amity Park prefer to keep it that way though?