#Otherwise it results in hours of pain and discomfort and no sleep

[coralcalypso]

There was a time where I fought tooth and nail just to survive your idea of how a planet should be run. As much as I pretended otherwise, it was terrifying having my access to food and shelter and socialization cut off. It was terrifying knowing if I nodded off too long, the drones would come. Even after I got away from all that, it lingered. Haunted me. And when you reentered my life, I could sense that part of myself - the scrawny, starved, scarred child checking all the locks and security in hopes of grabbing a couple hours of sleep. There was a part of me that was still scared of you.

You seem so fragile now. Physically and emotionally.

Callouses form after require exposure to regular force application. Thickened skin has benefits through allowing sensation to be retained while dulling pain, but allowing them to build up too much can result in anything from mild discomfort to skin cracking and bleeding. Regular care to mitigate build up can allow for a balance of both.

A proper care routine takes time to figure out though.

[alullinchaos]

vent and a lot of thoughts below the read more related to illness (chronic illness) and disability

(large inhale. large exhale.) i try not to talk about being sick very much. for a variety of reasons mainly because I feel like the label of "chronically ill" doesn't belong to me. because all the people I see online who talk about being chronically ill are constantly dealing with symptoms, either due to their healthcare team not treating them properly or their symptoms not Being extremely treatable. I am lucky. I take my pill, one pill, every day and I am mostly okay. "mostly" okay, in that I can't run or exercise hardly at all. in that I feel extremely uncomfortable using a flight of stairs, and often am in pain when doing so at school (because of my backpack). in that I never know how much I'm going to sleep at night, that I often don't feel fully rested when I wake up. I am constantly experiencing some level of physical discomfort or pain, and while it is never something I can't just ignore, it does annoy me. this is not to mention the mental load of taking my medication. I have to take it an hour (at least) before I eat breakfast, so I wake up, take it, and go back to sleep. so every single day I have to ask myself if I remember taking it (hard to do so when you're half asleep and when it's the same every single time) and I stress about it a lot. my dose just got upped again even though I'm not sure it should've been but I don't feel comfortable starting a discussion with my provider about it. every time I see her (like I did earlier this week) the discussion is always the same. I never feel more informed. I never feel like I'm being properly treated, even though she's nice to me and I get my meds. this probably has something to do with the fact that she made me believe I had cancer for a month. not maliciously, she's just sort of incompetent. the thing about my medication is that at some point if I stop taking it I'll die, and I have no idea when that will be, but I assume if my dosage is getting upped again then that day is coming closer. I don't know if this means it's already hit. I'm almost at the number my friend gave me for their "severe" prescription, because they recently got diagnosed with the same autoimmune disorder I have, and they were given that dosage because they're "severe." so am I severe? I have no idea. obviously I will continue to take my medication. it makes my life substantially better. I can kinda do things now, which I couldn't before. but I think it makes a difference in my mind if it's me taking it because I don't want to feel like shit or if it's me taking it because I'll die otherwise, y'know? in a sense they are the same because if I go untreated then it'd lead to my death because of the effects on the rest of my body. but they are also very different, because looking out for the symptoms of Not Feeling Great as a way to know I forgot my medication vs. looking out for symptoms of About To Go Into a Coma and Possibly Die are very different things. i say all this and i barely feel comfortable calling myself disabled, because a lot of disabled people are people who can't be "helped" and i'm very sorry for them. i keep thinking about that post someone made about how they had two moms and then they were gay, and their experience being gay was totally different from what people normally have to deal with because of the total absence of homophobia or ignorance on the subject. and how identities shouldn't be defined by suffering. am I only disabled if I were to lose access to my medication? am I only disabled if someone is forcing me to run a ten minute mile and I collapse? I don't know the answer. I really don't. I'm not looking for comfort here, but any of my disabled mutuals (I know there's at minimum two of you) feel free to weigh in. I'm not an expert. also big disclaimer that my mom was disabled (which is why she died) so maybe my understanding of the world is warped as a result of that.

[thevoidofshitposts]

well judging on the fact its actually the disease known as women's hysteria in the past before it renamed fybro im not surprised.

also my story below copied out of a essay I wrote back in 2019 for an anthro class where i had to argue why i picked the topic (cause i got it). im to lazy to type it out again.

"In my case, getting Fibromyalgia diagnosed was difficult, to say the least.  For years prior to my diagnosis, I was getting pain all over for no apparent reason.  It was especially bad during wet weather. I was also struggling, and still do struggle with, moments of extreme tiredness and what I called “brain fog” at the time. The pain really started to get bad when I was around 15.  I had been having pains in only a few areas, on and off.  At first, I assumed it was just growing pains, but the pain started getting more frequent and more painful slowly over time.  It was especially bad in winter and damper months.  I did not see a doctor about theses pains until I was around 16, when the pain had spread and had gotten much worse.  I went to my doctor several times about, what was now, neck, back, ribs, shoulders, wrists and knee pains, stomach and kidney pains, and extreme tiredness, just to be told something to the effect of “well you probably just slept weird and pulled or popped something. You are not sleeping enough” (despite the fact I was sleeping the normal 8 hours a day and more), and that “it should be fine in a few weeks”.  I was also prescribed medication for “stomach ulcers”, and pain killers that knocked me out. These ended up making my stomach and kidneys hurt worse than ever.  I took them for months with the promise that it was going to help, but they made it hurt to eat, on top of the pain I was feeling because they messed up my digestive tract.

It was not until several months after stopping taking the pills that I got back to a point where I felt back to the “normal” amount of discomfort - and I was back at the beginning. My family doctor became fixated on the idea that the pain may have been caused by digestive issues, even though I protested otherwise, and was set on “gut medications being” the only fix.  My ribs/middle back and hips to heel areas started to get to the point where I could not sleep due to the discomfort. I had developed swelling/slightly raised areas on my rib cage - that I still cannot be touched to this day - and I had started to worry about it being caused by something more serious. I had to spent hours nagging at my doctor to send me for an x-ray on my ribs and leg. Even though I now had hard spots, that I still have today, on my ribs and they had spread to my upper rib cage, the results were not conclusive - yet again. I was tired of having to  beg for tests to be done and I believed I was being written off as a paranoid individual looking for pain killers - even though most of the time I rejected the prescriptions because I preferred over the counters drugs because they were easier on my system and don’t bother my kidneys as much and I typically just use one of those hot packs you stick in your shoes stuck to my clothing wherever the pain is located.  Prescriptions are my last resort.  Although I do have IBS, I can tell the difference between those flare ups and Fibromyalgia pain flare ups, since even back before I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I was pretty sure of the fact IBS does not cause joint pain and chronic tiredness! 

After that, I started visiting many different clinics, instead of my family doctor because the results were always the same – “it is your digestive tract/anxiety”.  Some of the doctors at the clinic sent me for arthritis checks and various blood tests, and I was sent for an EEG (which came back with no abnormal results as well). It took me several trips to the doctors before I finally decided to request to be checked for lupus and auto immune disorders.  I requested this because I have allergies and get infections and become cold easily and, during a conversation with a friend from the US who has lupus, I was told that my symptoms sounded similar to hers. 

I was finally sent to a rheumatologist after something slightly abnormal was found in my final set of blood work. The rheumatologist, who confirmed that I did not have lupus, but there was something off. After poking a few points in my back and sending me into what was horrible pain that lasted a few days after testing, I was told they believed my problems to be Fibromyalgia.  I was told there really was not a whole lot I can do about my symptoms other than to take pain killers and to try aquacise (water fitness shit), but I finally had an answer as to what was going on with me.  I am honestly surprised, and a little angry, that  I had not be diagnosed sooner by my doctor since I had been complaining about these symptoms for years, but I finally got my diagnosis in February of 2019 and I can finally start, hopefully, finding a way to cope with this, now that I know what is wrong.  I have only had my diagnosis for a few weeks, but I have started to figure out ways to cope with my condition and I have felt great relief that it was not something worse than Fibromyalgia, like I had been dreading.  " - my essay 2019

that was written back in 2019. i still have found next to nothing for coping sadly.

My mum dropped new family lore today when she off-handedly mentioned being diagnosed with "fibrositis" in her early 30s.

I'd never heard of it before, so I Googled it and what's it called these days? Fibromyalgia. I said, Mum, do you mean to tell me you've lived 40+ years with fibro pain, and no one's done anything about it?

She said, "You can do something about it? The doctor back then just said I needed to have a baby."

Perplexed, I asked, "Why would that help?"

"Because then I wouldn't have time to think I was in pain."

So, anyway. Haha. As soon as this migraine stops, I'm hopping on a plane back home to commit murder. Anyone want to come?

[drzekep]

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[humandisastersquad]

I'm not exaggerating when I say reflux has ruined my life

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 30/?)

Chapter 30: Where the Skies End

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20 • 21 • 22 • 23 • 24 • 25 • 26 • 27 • 28 • 29 • 30 • more coming soon

[ You can also read on AO3 ]

Unsurprisingly, and much to your frustration, Connor had finished the move without you. There might not have been much left to move at that point; but, it was your stuff at a house that you rented, and not Connor's responsibility in the slightest.

But, there was no telling the android that, and you knew that he would have been well equipped with plenty of reasons as to why he could handle the rest of the move alone: you needed rest, he didn't require sleep, etc, etc.

When you stepped off the elevator into the android's - and now your - apartment, Connor had a look on his face, as if you had come home for the first time in years. You had only spent a week at Hank's place, and only a day and some odd hours at the hospital prior to that, and Connor had been nearly inseparable from you the entire time; yet, it felt like ages since you had been here.

It was only then that the weight of your near death experience became apparent. Before, your life, or the loss of it, wouldn't have impacted anyone else. It was just you in that little house, trying to make a living, picking up the pieces of a war and watching humanity change astronomically.

Now, there was a life that would be changed if you were gone. You let yourself imagine how Connor would cope, what would become of him, and struggled to keep the sorrow to yourself.

Perhaps, for the first time in your life, you knew what it was like to be needed.

Your wound healed remarkably in the weeks that followed. The scar left behind was star shaped and your skin was darkened around the sunken surface. But, you didn't find yourself hating it as much as you thought you would.

It wasn't something you looked at with pain or regret, but rather something prideful. Maybe there was something masochistic about it, not that you found yourself bothered by that realization.

Your coworkers thought it looked 'pretty cool' and declared that it made you 'quite the badass'. Now, you could wear the badge of 'I've been shot', with a bizarre story to tell. You didn't care if people thought it was strange, letting yourself get shot for an android.

Connor was much more than 'just' an android. He was the man you loved, who carried an astronomical burden you could barely understand. Sure, you could judge the weight, the pressure; but, you, an ordinary human, couldn't possibly understand what he felt as the target of a revolution that would change humanity forever.

The thoughts became clearer as you and Connor stepped into Haven for the last time, and you took in the emptiness, the quiet, and the cold.

"One moment," Connor advised you, stepping away and into the open space in the center of the room.

RK800, like all androids, had no true sense of temperature. Connor couldn't feel cold the way humans did. His artificial skin wasn't going to prickle with goosebumps and his muscles wouldn't shiver from the discomfort.

His HUD could report the weather if he enabled it and he had various feedback modules to inform him of how the temperature would affect a human, with the rightful assumption one would be in his presence.

Yet, despite this very well known limitation of his being, Connor couldn't explain how he managed to feel so cold as he stood there in the very abandoned Haven.

He was aware that warmth could be metaphorical, symbolic of belonging and comfort. His sense of cold was both literal and figurative in this sense. Without any machines running, all the lights turned off, Haven had become very cold. The halls, once busy with androids, were now empty, and the building was silent if not for the creaking walls.

-until someone walked through the distant corridor, their quiet footsteps rattling in Connor's acute hearing module.

There was an apology on the tip of Connor's tongue when he caught the sight of Markus. However, the RK200's stare wasn't cold or untrusting. There was something undeniably regretful on his face, conveying sympathy to the fellow android.

Markus' mismatched eyes caught the sight of you over Connor's shoulder, and spared a sad expression.

The two androids had agreed to meet here, for the last time in circumstances like this, hopefully. Once the final bill was passed, and androids would be proper citizens, there would be no need for this.

However, Connor had yet to obtain a definitive lead on Reaves' accomplices. This, at the very least, could provide some security for the androids that came before him.

"I know you didn't want me to," Markus began. "But, I will tell them it's from you. They should know."

"It's... your choice," Connor replied quietly, hoping to mask the uncertainty in his tone.

The two androids took each other's wrists, pushing the fabric of their jackets out of the way to touch skin to skin. Connor knew that Markus trusted him. He took the file without even bothering to scan it first. Only once it was already saved on his local system did he bother to analyze it.

The detective android had worked on that during your recovery week, while he laid beside you in low power mode. He reviewed the log files on his internal firewall over a thousand times, and crafted additional security protocols, specifically designed around write protection. Factory defaults, if he could help it, would be near impossible.

Markus could share this new code with other androids. If Connor failed to stop it in time, at the very least, their memory modules would be protected from brute force attacks, cyberlife certified or otherwise.

As their hands parted, Connor seemed to understand why he felt so cold. He had grown accustomed to how your skin felt - how human skin felt. Even when you weren't acutely aware of it, you were always warm.

"You're one of us," Markus declared, his hand dropping to his side. "We couldn't have done this without you. Your sacrifices need to be known."

"Sacrifices," Connor parroted quietly, doubtful.

He thought about Reaves' disbelief, at how he prioritized saving your life over securing the future of his kind. He could have killed you, carried on the mission, secured all of the chips and brought the android protestors to absolute surrender.

But, he didn't.

Before you, what had he gambled, if not his own life? A life that, by the very words of his creators, didn't exist, was meaningless, just programs executed in succession. He had questioned the very existence of his own life, but so had every android before him.

Still, the determined look on Markus' face didn't falter.

"Until we meet again," he offered, nodding at his fellow android. His eyes landed on yours before he turned away, and you offered him a sad, small wave.

As Connor passed, he took his hand in yours and guided you out of the building with careful steps. It was unnecessary to bring you here, but he understood the importance of goodbyes, and didn't want you to believe your efforts here had been in vain.

You expected to be driven home after that; however, as you climbed into the car, Connor asked, "would it be alright if we went to the park for some fresh air?"

"-'course," you replied softly, shifting your gaze from the android's face to look out the window.

Connor was uncharacteristically quiet during the drive, his hands gripping the steering wheel in a death lock. You didn't pay much mind to it, figuring he was stressed after everything that had happened. You had been the one on death's door; yet, Connor was the one seemingly always on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

It was worrying; but, you knew he needed to work through it in his own way.

At the park, Connor had hoped you would head straight for the bridge, to a place you had cherished so much. If his research was accurate, this needed to be done at a special place. As he followed you slowly up the curve, feet tapping against the boards, a wave of doubt washed over him.

You looked stunning, standing upright for the first time in weeks, with pep in your step, the sun soaking up your hair. Could he really have this? Could he even think himself allowed for such a thing? Could an android truly understand the needs of a human?

"You alright?" you called out to him, pausing before you reached the apex of the bridge.

It snapped him out of his stupor, and Connor replied softly, "I'm fine."

You continued and he followed, counting the steps despite how unnecessary it was. The android knew he had never been this scared in his life. This type of sensation was really, really unpleasant. His processors were giving him ridiculous warnings that didn't pertain at all to the situation.

He shut off the alerts and met you at the top of the bridge. His hand slid over the railing, analyzed the material as a strong timber, coated with a lacquer color called 'cedar brown', manufactured by-

Connor quickly closed the analyzed results, realizing how pointless that was. He was distracting himself, busying his processor with his manufactured purpose to avoid something he was definitely not made for.

At the top of the bridge, you turned to the man standing beside you, just in time to see him deactivate his human skin. His gaze met yours, and you smiled at the sight of RK800, as he was made, without the imitation of human-likeness.

For a moment, he stood there and let the heat of the sunlight catch on his sensor processors. The human tone of his factory issued skin flickered back on briefly before shutting back off, as Connor mentally questioned if he should do it like this.

The sudden nervous expression on his face, and his flickering pallet, had you concerned. In the sunlight, you could catch the subtle flaws in the design of his optics: the faint glimmer of a camera lens hidden beneath the almost perfect human appearance.

"Are you sure you're okay?" you asked, suddenly reaching for him. Your hand fell into the curve of his elbow.

"There's-" Connor began, stopping himself when a jogger passed the bridge. He was silent until they were gone.

"There's something important I need to ask you," Connor explained, his voice quiet and hoarse. "I'm sorry for not being more forthcoming. I was afraid."

Despite the obvious implications of what that question was, your head swarmed with the worst possibilities. The detective android, who had stormed a building of armed men to rescue you, who never hesitated to take a bullet for anyone, was afraid of something?

"Connor," you murmured, his name falling from your lips without purpose. The concern, however, was heavy in your tone.

"Before I ask, you need to know that you can refuse. There is no obligation, despite what we have been through. I won't hold any negative feelings towards you. From my research, this is premature, and I apologize for that," Connor babbled.

"What?" you blurted. "Connor, what are you - what's wrong?" you insisted, pitch rising as you started to panic.

"Nothing is wrong," he replied sharply.

He stepped back, just enough to create a few inches between you. You watched him reach into his coat pocket and pull out a small box. Mind hazy with the aftermath of Reaves' attack, you feared Connor was going to present you with evidence, that the case had taken a dangerous turn, or even inform you with the worst possible news.

But, then, Connor, cupping the small box in his palm, knelt down onto one knee. He looked up at you, brown eyes bright in the sunlight, android skin white as freshly fallen slow, failing to conceal the crease in his brow as worry sank in. The box opened, but you were too focused on his face to bother looking inside.

"Will you marry me?"

You could have laughed, at yourself, really, for thinking he was going to talk to you about Reaves, about factory-resetting computer chips, and the potential downfall of androids.

Instead, you let out a choked gasp. It was pathetically wet and embarrassingly loud. It all came pouring out before you could even think to stop it. Connor's nervous expression melted into panic when you started crying hysterically.

He was shifting to stand up, an apology hot on his tongue. He could feel his processors heating up, threatening to lock up at the sight of your tear-soaked face. It had his internal processes soaring, questioning if he had misinterpreted your relationship, your feelings for him.

You flung yourself into him before he could stand up, knocking the jewelry box right out of his hand. It clattered noisily on the bridge. If Connor was human, he would have followed; but, he was sturdy and, even unprepared, managed to stay upright as you crashed into him. His knees hit the bridge and his hands cautiously cupped your back.

"Yes!" you cried out, pressing your cheek into his coat, some odd centimeters from his thirium pump.

Your arms squeezed at his back, hands clawing into the thick fabric of his coat. Connor was unmoving, stiff where you clung to him. The artificial movements he made to appear more human had ceased, and you briefly feared he had powered down.

"Yes," you declared again, softer this time, squeezing him even tighter.

Finally, his systems relented and he properly relayed to his processor what you had just said. His arms wound around your back and, for the first time in weeks, Connor hugged you tightly, as if he wasn't afraid that he might hurt you. You could feel the tightening of his fingers tugging at your blouse, the thirium pump in perfect beats inside his chassis.

"Yes," you said again.

His cheek fell against your hairline and he closed his eyes. He wanted to dig his fingers past the fabric of your clothes, to feel your skin in a hopeless attempt to interface. Even if he could only reach your body, even if your mind was out of reach, that was good enough.

"Yes," again.

For now, the ring laid forgotten in its case, the jewelry box sitting some odd feet away, flipped on its side.

[testytendencies]

@ofhonorastute

{I didn't know how long I was laying there in the bed nestled up with Jack before I drifted off to sleep. I'd guess it didn't take long at all. I mean, in spite of how uncomfortable this hospital bed was, I was exhausted. I never slept well when Jack wasn't in the bed beside me, so needless to say, in his absence while he stayed with Miguel lately, I barely slept. The first real bit of sleep I started to get was when I fell asleep on the sofa earlier tonight, but even that was short lived because of the fire blazing in our home. Thank God for Jack... I was so grateful that he showed up at the house tonight; otherwise, I'd hate to think of where the kids and I would be currently, if he hadn't come inside and saved us all. I silently considered as I eventually drifted off to sleep. In spite of the circumstances, I felt safe here in his arms...

Hours passing before I found myself stirring slightly once more in the bed. Expelling a soft yawn as my eyes ultimately opened and I peered up toward Jack. A smile pulling at the corners of my lips when I saw he was already awake} Hey, baby... How did you sleep? Are you feeling okay? {I asked as I tried to study his face currently. There wasn't a whole lot of light in the hospital room, so it was challenging to see him, but I did my best} You did get some sleep, right? {Figuring that fact needed to be clarified, since I had no way of knowing how much rest Jack may have gotten, given the pain and discomfort he was probably feeling at the moment, as a result of his burns and injuries}

Continued

@testytendencies 

Burns; you see it displayed in movies; on television. But you never anticipate being the one on the other side. Jack felt worn down; he felt like his body was on fire. From the mask that was attached to his face to help his breathing; from the lack of oxygen coursing through his body. The smoke inhalation had caused his lungs damage; he felt it. He knew there was a reason why the doctors told me to stay put; to relax despite all the fire his skin felt like. He knew the wires were to help his lungs; he decided against sharing that information with Kate when he woke up. She was already attached to my side; she was holding my hand as if her life depended on it. I understood she was my daughter; and she definitely had more of an attachment to me, I could see the fear she felt when I had climbed down from the house; when I heard the swallowing breathing the coughs that had emitted from my lips. It wasn’t easy to watch someone you love risk their lives; to wonder if they’d come out on the other side. 

Weakness; the way his eyes had to adjust to the light; the way my chest slowly raised and fell; but Kate was only a teenager she wouldn’t of known the signs. Nor do I think I’d be stuck to a hospital bed if the doctors felt I was stable. I was the one that took in the most smoke; I knew the risks with my lungs but at the moment I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was saving my family; the family I walked from. The people I wanted to prove I was okay; that I was capable of being the parent and husband they deserved. 

Eyes had kept blinking shut back and forth until I heard her voice; the tenderness; the care when her face came into view. My wife; she was okay. A Gentle smile came to tug at the corners of my lips. I wore a brave face, I didn’t want to worry her or our kids. I wanted to feel okay. Upon her sitting at the edge of my bed; I felt Kate loosen her grip on my palm before I felt her hand leave mine. She had taken the time to reach for her mom; placing a hand over hers. A sight I loved to see; seeing as the pair never liked to see eye to eye. 

A sheepish grin displayed upon my lips; I let my hand find hers; fingers easily laced through her own. How am I? Honestly I was wore; O felt like my chest was on fire. I felt like each time I removed this oxygen Mask from my face; It only lasted a few minutes before I struggled to breathe again. I felt the tighten in my chest when I breathed in too deep. But I stared at my son, my daughter and my wife and I couldn’t say the words. I was barely holding on with the fear of worrying the people I cared for. “ I’m fine.” Fine perhaps the more I said the words it be true. Rebecca knew me; I knew she doubted me which is why she asked Kate and Randell to go phone Miguel; I had hummed an okay; As I whispered “ I love you” To the kids; giving an attempt at a sten expression to indicate I wanted the kids to listen to Miguel. He was family. 

Brief minutes when the sound of smaller feet disappeared from earshot, hand fully wrapped around her own, as I tried to be more reassuring. “ My Lungs took in way more smoke than the doctors had anticipated. That’s why they want me to stay overnight. But I’ll be fine Beccs.” Pausing swallowing the slight lump in his chest; he had brought their linked hands to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. “ I didn’t come all this way back to you only to leave again, I’ll be fine I promise.” A promise I held my breath on keeping.

[jt-artsandfics]

Well this is part one of the story based on the AU I decided to make for Cyberpunk where everything the same but Johnny Silverhand was put into cryo freeze instead of dying and he becomes your reluctant room mate. Jackie is still alive in this AU welcome to the Fix it fic

I do plan on make more of these if you guys end up liking this story. I'm a sucker for reluctant room mates becoming lovers.

Also this hasn't been prof read or edited so we all die like real people.

I've changed this a bit since I first made it but hey i like it more like this.

Altira is Valcorian's infant daughter who is now about 1 year and half old.

This is a Johnny silverhand x Male V

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Frozen heart and bullets to the head

Alot had happened since since Valcorian woke up with a parasite Rockerboy in his head and one of those things was Johnny silverhand a Rockerboy legend who may or may not have had his body in a cryogenic freeze for a good nearly 50 years wa finally back in his own body.

When Johnny opened his eyes for the first time in a long series of events it was a very now and strange experience. Everything looked different the man, V his friend and former host wrapped in bandages on a bed didn't help him figure out what had happened.

Johnny had taken about 3 hours getting used it the surrounding of the apartment once again. The last thing he really remembered was getting was saying good bye to Valcorian so why was he now bakc in thsi apartment. johnny had taken the time to have quite a few cigarettes before the mystery man even opens his eyes.

V's eyes opened very slowly as he groaned in discomfort before sitting up in his bed. This resulted in him getting a head spin which almost make him want to throw up again.

This eyes finally adjust to the lights him his apartment he's met with a set of almost dark maroon coloured eyes. He shoots back in bed and hits his head against the wall.

"Holy shit!, Johnny! Is that you?" He yells looking at the man standing in front of him.

"Sure is sweet cheeks" Johnny replys as he takes another drag of his cigarette. It slowly turns into a state of silence between both men as they try and figure everything going thought there minds.

V is the first to break. " is this my mind playing tricks on me again or are you really back in your body?"

Valcorian Vilus, you really think I'd be here is i wasn't " Johnny contemplates what to say next. "Val.. thank you, for you know getting me out"

V laughs as he sits back up fliching at the pain" I don't know how you got here but you were in a freezer when.. when Jackie and I found you anything after that's kinda a blur, fuck is Jackie and Takemura alright!"

A V shoots up from the bed a shot of pain courses thought his body. V's hears the familiar ringtone of a call come thought . "I got to take this" Johnny walks away before having a look around to see if he can find anything that could be of uses to him.

V anwsers the call with the name Takemura showing about it. "Takemura! are.. are you and Jackie both ok?" V's nerves were out of the roof and he was kind of worried.

"V.. im glad to hear from you, are you well. I woudl liek to meet at Tom's diner" the man on the other line made V smile.

"Im alright Goro just a little sore, im glad to hear that you are alright, scared me half to death" Johnny looked over to V from his spot on the lounge chair.

"Is that Saki Scum?" Johnny called out, V glared at Johnny before going back to talk with his friend.

Takemura went quite for a second "Is that Silverhand?" V let out a sigh before he begin to get up. " Yea it is, um Goro when you get a chance can you Get Jackie or Misty to call me I need to hank them for looking after my daughter"

Goro gives a hum of approval "I will do them know, see you at Tom's diner" wirh that Takemura hangs up.

"Let's get this day over with" V mumbled to himself. Johnny continued to watch V as he made his way into the bathroom and disappeared for a good 15 minutes, Johnny got up and made his way over to he door. "You all good in there shit for Brains" he yelled as he slammed his fist against the door.

A whimper came from inside the bathroom, Johnny  opens the door to find V curled up on the floor of the shower. "The fuck happened to you" V let's out another whimper as he musters up the energy to call our to him. "Help... please"

Johnny lets our an annoyed groan as he walks over and turns the shower off and picks up the young man on the floor.

"Your lucky your the one who got me out of the freezer otherwise I wouldn't give two shits if you were drowning in there V" V crack a small smile as Johnny places him on the bed and wraps the sheets around him. Valcorian let's out a small thank you too Johnny.

"Yea, yea kid whatever. Don't go to sleep just yet let get some fluids into you" V's head looks over to the man who is now in his kitchen looking thought his fridge.

V lays his head back down on his pillow and he starts to dose off a little. He feels a tap on his face that makes his eyes shoot open.

"Relax" Johnny says before he moves V into a sitting position and hands him the cup of water. "Drink up, then you can go to sleep" With that Johnny goes to move away from V.

V grabs Johnny by the arm before looking up to him. "Please, I... i dont want to be alone.." V's lips tremble as he holds onto Johnnys arm.

" alright scoot over then princess, if I've got to be your knight in shining armor you have to share the bed" V moves over letting johnny move to be on the bed, he take a few sips of the water in the cup and decided to just scull it.

"You will make yourself vomit and I'm not having you chucking all over me" johnny growls and he grabs the cup for V's hands.

"Now lay down and go to sleep, I'll wake you if something burns down ,breaks in or if Altira comes home with Jackie or Misty, now go to sleep Valcorian " Valcorian nodes and pulls the bed sheets up to his chin, he snuggles into his pillows

"Thanks Johnny, it's good to have you back"

"Its good to be back"

eventually both V and Johnny falls asleep.

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Tag list @omg-imagine

Let me know if you also want to be tagged in these.

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[adventures-in-poly]

0 Posts in 2020

You’d think that I’d have something Very Profound to say about the interactions between the pandemic and poly, but it turns out I haven’t wanted to write about that subject very much at all. I won’t say that the pandemic has sucked all the inspiration from my brain, just that it has shuffled inspiration around in unexpected ways and away from writing.

The pandemic has felt like it’s pressed the pause button on my poly life. My husband (M) can’t go out on dates because OTHER PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS. I also can’t go out on dates for the same reason, but moreover, I choose not to go on dates because I’m just So Damn Exhausted. I’ve seen my boyfriend (Crow) only three times this year: once before the pandemic and twice since, and that’s only possible because his house has this large porch where we can do social distancing outside. I haven’t kissed him since January and I’ve only hugged him once, masks on and faces turned away, and I held my breath the whole time. I haven’t had sex with anyone in over a year, and I can’t even “blame” that on the pandemic. It’s a choice. Guess I’ve gone full asexual, and I say “guess” because, while asexual is an accurate descriptor, I still don’t feel really great about adopting that as a personal identity. I’m not even upset about the no sex part though. I’m happy about it. My Magic Wand knows exactly what I want and all the nuances of my body and it’s much less painful than skin on skin.

The pandemic is NOT a good thing. It is NOT a good thing that millions of people have died, and it is NOT a good thing that we as a community are touch-starved and relationship-starved and can’t seem to figure our shit out.

That said.

I’m going to be honest. It has felt nice not having to worry, poly-wise. I hate that that’s a thing that I feel, but this blog is and has always meant to be about honesty. It feels like a relief knowing that I am not going to be in a situation where I have to watch my husband drunkenly and sloppily hit on other women at parties that we are meant to both enjoy. It feels like a relief knowing that he isn’t going to tell me, “I’m going to meet someone that I’ve been talking to on Tinder”, that the bomb isn’t going to fall on me. Because that’s what it is. “I came in like a wrecking ball.” The fear that someone else will enter our lives - my life - and I’ll have no control over it, and I’ll hate it, and I’ll lose myself.

I have a lifelong fear of being replaced. Of being “not good enough”. I hesitate to call it a fear of being unlovable, because I’ve never doubted that people love me and like me. I think they do. But the fear is that, when my needs butt up against someone else’s, theirs will always win. As a child, my parents taught me all about caring for other people, being generous, being self sacrificing, being kind. They immigrated to the US from England a few years before I was born, and as a result, I was brought up with a European mindset (others before yourself) in an American environment (look out for number one). And, as a result -- even though my parents were extraordinarily caring, even though I was an only child, even though they were generous with their time and attention, even though I had a very happy childhood -- I somehow learned that I would always be second place. Always the one to sleep on the floor at sleepovers so the guest or the host could get the bed. Always the one to get a boring piece of cake so a louder and therefore more deserving child could get the piece with the flower. Petty shit like that that translated into real adult problems. Just two nights ago, on New Year’s Eve, I had told my husband I’d wanted us to change the sheets, and as I ascended the stairs to bed I forlornly reminded him that we hadn’t changed the sheets - terrified and fully preparing myself to be let down because he was having a good time at an online New Year’s Eve party and of course that meant that my needs would subside. (They didn’t. The world doesn’t work like that. My husband shows me over and over again that my needs are important to him, and yet I Still Never Learn.)

I can say with full honestly that I am no longer really jealous of my boyfriend and his wife anymore. I used to be, a little. I used to be jealous that he would want to visit her at her shift before he came over for dates, or that he’d want to bring her to casual outings with me, or that at any point the two of them could decide they’d want to move back to San Diego and that would be that. I don’t feel those things anymore. I haven’t for a long time. It’s some sort of consequence of she and I becoming legitimate good friends, plus me and my husband moving an hour away, plus just being too damn old and too damn tired to give shits anymore.

Then again, their relationship was never the kind that was going to prick my skin up and put me on guard. I was the new person, not her. I don’t have a complex about older, more established relationships.

But the idea of my husband finding somebody new, even though our relationship is solid? Sends me into chaos. Even now. I wish I could say that it’s changed in the 5 years since we opened things up, but it hasn’t. It hasn’t really at all.

I’d wanted this blog to document my journey from new to seasoned poly, from a jealous wreck to someone who had learned to love herself and meditate through the pain. That’s not what happened. I’m not sure if it’s ever going to happen. My husband hasn’t had enough actual relationships to give me practice experiencing the very discomfort that makes me want to scream until my insides explode out, and the few times it has happened, I felt like I was living in a shock chamber and turning into the kind of person I don’t want to be.

I wanted to evolve, for the sake of my readers, into someone who fully accepts a poly lifestyle. To show that it can be done. No -- to show, specifically, that I could do it, that I could logic and reason my way through all the shit and prove myself to be better than my jealousy. I don’t think that’s what’s going to end up happening. I think it’s no secret at this point that I don’t really love this whole poly thing. I am still actively choosing it, but not always for reasons that I endorse. What if I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore? Would I lose my husband? Would I lose my boyfriend? Could I ethically give up my relationship with my boyfriend to create monogamy with my husband? Could I ethically ask my husband not to go on dates while I still retain my relationship with my boyfriend? It’s all shit, really. None of it is a good outcome. And the pandemic has allowed me to stall my non-decisions for a year because it’s not like we can see other people anyway. And isn’t it great when some external force gives you a reprieve from the things you’re afraid of.

But while the pandemic has put my poly life on pause, it’s put my healing and growth around poly stuff on pause as well. Sure, it feels fucking great on the surface, but it’s not actual growth. I’m not forever in a place where I will feel secure. It’s going to end eventually (vaccinate me, babyyyyyyyy!!!), and the parties will start again, and the dates will start again, and my terrified introvert ass is afraid that everything collectively will swing in the opposite direction super hard. Free love! Casual sex everywhere! Everyone wants to hang out all the time! How could you possibly want to be alone at a time like this! And that fear extends beyond poly stuff and beyond just me and my husband - I’m not ready for the world to become a giant party. I don’t want that world. I don’t want to live in that world but I also don’t want to miss out on the collective bonding experience that is almost sure to come from the end of Covid. So the reprieve I’m feeling now is only surface level great because it’s a pause, not an end, and I don’t feel any more equipped to deal with my jealousy and my social anxiety and my feelings of not being good enough than I did at the beginning of this damn pandemic.

Part of me wishes I could “get over my shit”, and part of me wants to cling onto my shit and defend it. Like why am I the one who has to change, why am I the one who has to evolve, what’s wrong with feeling the way I feel? Why is this a “my shit” thing, like I’m alone and all my problems are caused by my own feelings? Why do other people NeEeEeEeEd to go on dates and have sex. Why does my husband need that. Why am I not good enough. Why is the problem that I feel jealousy and insecurity; why is the problem not that he feels [insert whatever he feels here. unsatisfied? no, that’s not it. incapable of being fully satisfied by a single person? that seems extreme. incapable of surrounding himself with platonic friendships in the way that comes so naturally to me and many of my women friends, and much more able to connect with people he is in a romantic/sexual relationship with, and so needs to create many romantic/sexual relationships to fill that void that otherwise would be filled with friendships - which is not actually something I believe about him, I think he could make really great friendships with the right tools, but is something he’s expressed to me and is also something that’s pretty common around people raised as men? is that too harsh?]

I’m trying to look for a good ending for this post, but, like an explanation for my feelings, I don’t think I’m going to find satisfaction here.

[ahrorha]

The Splintered Road

Chapter 2

.

.

For hours they travelled at a fairly quick pace. Fenris noticed how she moved at ease through the trees and underbrush. They didn't talk; she only spoke occasionally to him, to point out certain plants or muddy patches of earth. Warning him not to touch them or leave his footprints. He got the impression she was used to this style of travelling, likely because she was an apostate on the run. Whatever the reason, she was good at navigating the forest, and although he knew she could turn on him at any second, it was worth the risk. For the time being, he would use her skills so that the hunters would lose his trail. While observing her, he noticed her using elfroot a few times, trying to combat the pain of the broken arm. Occasionally she would also get a coughing fit.

The sun was already lowering when she slowed down and began to look around. She took the time to collect some mushrooms, plucked a patch that looked like grass and a few broad leaves from a strange-looking plant. Fenris didn't recognise any of them, but he figured they were eatable when she put everything into her small cooking pot. When she found a patch of elfroot, she harvested the plants and immediately chewed on one of its leaves. He wondered why she hadn't healed herself yet. He knew she possessed healing magic; otherwise, she wouldn't have offered it to him. So, why hadn't she used it on herself? Her magic must have already returned hours ago.

.

Looking for food, Yssil was excited when she spotted a big patch of thistles growing on a small clearing next to the river. Although she had offered to feed them both, it would be hard to find enough food while keeping on the move. But with the meat from the dear, the mushrooms and some thistle roots, they would have a filling meal tonight. She stopped when another shoot of pain radiated from her arm. Cursing inwardly, she turned to Fenris, who was watching her again. She got the impression he didn't trust her at all. Not that they knew each other, but they had saved each other's lives. That had to count something.

Opening her mouth to call out to him, she hesitated.

Fenris' muscles twitched when she turned her attention to him; he was ready for anything.

“I'm sorry, but I just noticed we don't know each other's names yet. I am Yssil.” she smiled hesitantly at him.

He stared at her, saying nothing.

'Well, this is going great,' she thought.

“I am sorry to ask, but I need your help.” she pointed at the plants. “These are thistles. A little prickly, but their roots are eatable. Could you please help me dig them out?” she pointed at her broken arm. “It will take a while when I do it on my own.”

Not answering, he kept watching her with slightly squinted eyes. It gave her the impression of a wild animal, unpredictable and ready to attack. Sighing, she took the shortsword from the templar and started hacking at the plants. She needed to mow a part of them first so she could dig, or else she had to cope with the prickly thorns. It was difficult, with having only one hand and the movement agitated the wounds she had. Pain shot through her arm when she moved too abruptly. It made her question if it was even worth getting the roots.

Suddenly Yssil's wrist holding the sword was grabbed.

She hadn't heard Fenris moving behind her. His iron gloves dug painfully in her flesh. She froze and stared at him; his moss-green eyes glared at her with deep-seated anger and hostility.

Nervously she managed to remain calm. “I... we can use this sword to dig out the roots. They aren't too deep.” She gave him a small smile, hoping to appease him.

Glaring at her, he pulled the sword out of her hands and shoved her backwards.

“Stay where I can see you, and don't move,” he grumbled.

He cleared the plants with a powerful swing and stuck the sword into the ground, prying up the roots. He pulled them out of the ground and threw them on a pile behind him. Yssil stepped forward to collect them, but she was immediately blocked by the sword Fenris pointed at her.

“I said, don't move,” he growled at her.

Carefully she took a step back again, raising her good hand to show she meant no harm. He stared at her for a moment before he continued to dig out the roots.

“Thank you. I think that's enough of them,” she said after a few minutes. “I just need to wash them.”

Forcing herself to move normally, she spread out a piece of cloth and put the roots on it to carry them easier. “Let's find a place to rest and change your bandages. Please keep an eye out for firewood if you will. I think we can risk a small fire to cook our dinner.”

.

Half an hour later, they settled for a relatively flat and clutter-free area among the trees not too far from the river. Yssil pulled out her flint and steel and a bundle of dried moss to start a small fire. Fenris raised his eyebrows when he saw the flint and steel. He had never seen a mage that didn't use their magic to complete the simplest tasks. Not that he wanted her to use her magic, but he was confused by her actions.

Never had he met a mage that wasn't convinced of their superiority. Though she was vocal in what she wanted, it wasn't in a demanding way. Not once had she tried to command him or demanded something. It was the total opposite; she was polite and using please and thank you. He didn't know what to think of her. It was also surprising that she wasn't complaining about anything, especially her arm. He knew it was causing her pain, and it wouldn't get any easier for the days to come. Every mage he knew would have complained for a long time already and demanded he would do something to fix it. Even if he couldn't. Yet, she kept moving despite the apparent discomfort and extra stress it caused.

With the fire burning, she stood up. “I go and clean these.” she gestured to the stuff they had foraged. “I will be back in a bit.”

Not trusting her, he followed her slowly and watched her from the trees. Apart from cooling her broken arm and refilling her waterskin, she didn't do anything else but wash what they had found. On a flat stone, she cut the deer flesh, roots and mushrooms roughly in bite-sized chunks. Afterwards, she put everything back into the pot with some water and walked back to their camp. When he walked in after her, he expected she would say something about the fact he had followed her, but she just gave him a small smile and resumed her cooking.

.

“Could you remove your armor?”

Their dinner was cooking on the fire, and Yssil had finished grinding some paste from the elfroot she had collected. Knowing that his wound needed to heal fast, Fenris took his dagger again. Ensuring she saw it was within his reach, he removed his armoured gloves and shoulder pauldrons before unbuckling his breastplate. When he pulled off his leather vest, he already could see that blood had seeped through the bandages around his waist.

Binding her hair back, Yssil sat down next to him. As she revealed her ears, Fenris noticed her cut of ear again. It reminded him of Tevinter, where this was sometimes done as a form of humiliating punishment. He didn't know that these practices were also spread so far to the south. On the other hand, elves were second class citizens everywhere, so it wasn't that surprising to see the results of acts of cruelty. Slowly she began to remove his bandages, not showing any reservation that he had his dagger at hand. But she took a sharp breath when she uncovered the wound on his shoulder.

“You have pulled some of the stitches.”

“And whose fault is that?” he growled back. It was, after all, her fault he had been in a fight again.

“Sorry... At least the wound doesn't look infected.”

With care, she applied the elfroot paste on his shoulder and waist. Sitting in the sunlight, she could now get a better look at his markings. Last night she already noticed the power that lay within them. She had seen how he used them while fighting, but being this close to him, she could feel her magic react to the lyrium buried in his skin. She wondered how he was even alive. In these quantities, lyrium was poisonous to non-mages.

Nevertheless, they were beautiful to see. The pattern reminded her of the Dalish vallaslin. The lyrium reflected the sunlight and the lines on his back sparkled lightly with each slight movement he made. Yssil frowned when she noticed that some of his skin was red and inflamed next to the tattoos. He must be in constant discomfort, she realised.

“I can try and heal your wounds with magic if you want.” she offered him.

“NO, magic!” he growled and glared at her.

She raised her hand to indicate she meant no harm and took the bandages to wrap them around him. With her having only one arm to use, he soon took them and started to wrap himself. Though she would rather have avoided her encounter with the templars, at least she got new bandages out of it. Hers were quite old.

Afterwards, they ate quietly before going to sleep.

.

The next two days went similar. During their walk, Yssil foraged for eatables while Fenris trailed after her. Occasionally he would help her with digging out roots or collecting firewood. They didn't talk much during their journey. Although she tried on a few occasions to speak with him, he ignored those attempts for the most part. He was still on edge by her being a mage, and he didn't see a reason to socialise with her. He was more focused on what path she chose through the forest. As far as he could tell, they were gradually travelling south in the direction of the coast.

Since they had left the ambush of the slavers and templars behind them, he hadn't seen nor heard any sign of civilisation. Something that was reassuring, this whole endeavour was to throw off his pursuers.

During their journey, Fenris tried to keep Yssil in his sight. Apart from the occasional bathroom break or when he fell asleep at night, he was watching her. As the days went by, he began to wonder about her. She wasn't like any mage he had known. He had never spent time with a mage that used so little magic. The only time she used her powers was when a rabbit shot out of the bushes, and she created some kind of force magic to fling it against a tree. As quick as she had cast the spell, she hastened towards the dazed animal to end its life.

He also couldn't figure out why, when she had her magical powers back, she hadn't healed herself. From observing her, he knew she was in a lot of pain and discomfort. At the same time, he berated himself why he even cared. What was it to him if she healed herself or not? It had nothing to do with him.

What puzzled him, even more were her motives. True, she was hurt but not totally helpless. In fact, she was doing much more than she should, given her injury. Yet, she only asked the bare minimum from him, and she was always polite about it. He was almost feeling guilty that he didn't help more when she was clearly struggling. Though this didn't mean he could let his guard down. He had expected to see her true colours by now, but as hard as he tried, he couldn't figure out her darkness.

Another weird thing was that she never asked why those hunters were after him. She must have heard them calling him a slave. Yet, she hadn't mentioned it once. Was it because she was used to finding travellers in these forests, like refugees and mages on the run? He wondered about her origin as well. Given how she was able to navigate and forage through the woods, she should be Dalish. Especially after she thanked Andruil after her rabbit kill. But where then were her markings, and where was her clan? All he had figured out so far was that she was used to travelling alone and that she was dressed poorly. She also had unusual weapons for a mage. She carried a dagger and a bow that she couldn't use right now. A staff would be so much easier for her.

No, he couldn't figure out this strange mage at all.

.

On the midday of the third day, Yssil stopped at a small clearing, dotted with several boulders and stones. They were close to the river, and it was a sunny warm day. She felt exhausted after the track they had made. She had maintained a firmer pace than usual. Fenris was clearly a warrior with loads of stamina, who glared at her every time she tried to slow down. The pain from her arm didn't help either; it took a lot of her energy. Something she was lacking already. Looking again at the clearing, she hoped that he would agree to rest for the remainder of the day.

“Do you mind if we stop for today? I want to bathe and wash my clothes. With how sunny it is today, they will be dry quickly.” She pointed into the forest. “And there are patches of blueberries here. We can take our time and eat our fill.”

Fenris didn't like it; he would rather not spend more time than necessary with her. But the thought of a decent bath and cleaning his armor was tempting. He hummed and sat down against a boulder and unpacked his weapon kit to take care of his sword and dagger.

“I take that as a yes,” she mumbled, earning her a sharp look from him. She just raised her eyebrow and sat her pack down. “I go first,” she said and took out her spare clothes. She hissed in pain when she made a wrong move with her arm.

He looked at her. “Why don't you heal yourself?” he finally asked. It was time to get answers to some of his questions.

“I can't?”

“Why? You offer every evening to heal me,” he said, irritated.

“I...” she sighed. “Magic doesn't work on me, or it has to be cast by a very powerful mage. And I am far from powerful.”

He narrowed his eyes. Magic resistance, he thought. What strange she was even resistant against her own magic and even healing magic. He watched her as she disappeared between the trees, coughing again. Immediately a sense of unease swept over him, as always when he lost sight of her. Though she hadn't done anything but help him the last couple of days, he couldn't help but distrust her. He huffed and tried to focus on his task, but he kept glancing back in the direction of the river. Minutes went by, and his uneasiness grew. How long did she need to wash herself? Had she lured him here as part of her plan? Was she watching him through the trees? Looking for an opportunity to strike.

Another five minutes had passed, and he couldn't restrain himself any longer. Slowly he got on his feet and sneaked towards the river.

.

Yssil's clothing lay on the bank. Knowing that Fenris didn't like it when she was out of his sight for long, she had washed herself quickly. It was strange to spent time with him. On the one hand, it was nice to not be alone after the weeks she had travelled on herself. But it was difficult to handle his curt mood, and he was outright ignoring all her attempts of small talk. Although she had the feeling, he was becoming more relaxed.

Hoping the next couple of days would go smoothly, she came out of the water and put on the shirt she had taken from the templar. It was too big, but at least it was easier to move the sleeve over her splint.

The swelling of her arm was finally going down. She laid her arm on a flat stone and carefully loosened the bandages to reapply them tighter around her arm. Though they had managed to set the bone, she was worried if it would heal right. She had to find a healer in the next village she reached. It would take a chunk out of her meagre funds, but it was better to have it checked out than living the rest of her life with a messed up arm.

.

Watching Yssil from between the trees, Fenris breathed easier. He was about to turn around and go back to the clearing when she lifted her good arm to shoo a dragonfly away. With the shirt of the templar being too big, her sleeve slipped down her arm, exposing it. Even from where he stood, he could see clearly the markings of countless scars crisscrossing along her arm.

Yssil rearranged the branches around her arm. She was being extra careful to not agitate the break.

Suddenly Fenris stormed out of the trees. In a flash, he moved towards her and grabbed her. With force, he smacked her against a nearby tree, pinning her against it. His lyrium markings glowed in anger. He had one hand across her throat, and the other was pressing against her broken arm. She gasped both from shock and the pain. Fenris put pressure on her arm, sending flares of searing white pain through her.

“What? Aaaaah!” she screamed.

“Hold your tongue, filthy bloodmage!” he glared at her, cutting off her air.

Panicked, she grabbed his hand, trying to pry away his deadly grip on her throat. “I... I am not.” she gasped.

He banged her again against the tree, putting more pressure on her arm. “Don't lie to me, witch! I was a fool to have followed you.”

She couldn't think; the pain from her arm overwhelmed her. “No. I never... Please.”

“Liar! I have seen your scars.” He squeezed her throat close. He would never again let a bloodmage manipulate him. He was a fool that he began to worry about her. Never again!

“Why don't you use your filthy magic on me. Who has sent you? Where are you leading me? Is it Danarius?”

Yssil couldn't breathe. Tears rolled down her face. In disbelief and fear, she stared into Fenris' eyes. He glared at her with rage and deadly intent.

He was going to kill her.

Desperately she pulled the collar of the shirt down, revealing the ugly branding burnt on her chest. With her last breath, she gasped. “Bloodthrall.”

His eyes went to the brand. He immediately recognised it as a slave mark of House Getha. In shock, Fenris let go of her.

.

Yssil collapsed to the floor with a yell. She had landed badly on her arm. Coughing and gasping for air, she struggled to regain her breath. Tears trickled down her face as she was overwhelmed with pain. With effort, she managed to sit up, leaning her back against the tree. Panting, she tried not to panic. She could tell she was in a bad situation. Afraid, she didn't dare to look down, but she could feel that her arm had slipped out of alignment again. She couldn't think; there was only hot searing pain. Struggling to calm down, she concentrated on her breath. Her lips were shivering, and on her throat, she still could feel the impressions from Fenris' fingers. Swallowing hard, she forced herself to look at her arm.

“Shit.” she sobbed, seeing her arm.

Grabbing the discarded splint and bandages next to her, she forced herself to stand up. She had to do something. Cradling her arm, she staggered back to the clearing, which was empty. Fenris was gone, as was his bag. She felt both relieved and panicked that he had left because this meant she had to set her arm alone.

Shacking, she grabbed from her bag some elfroot and started chewing hard on it. Taking her bag, she went to one of the smaller trees surrounding the clearing. First, she bound her left upper arm against her body with one of the belts she had snagged from the templars. Then she slung another belt around the tree. Tying a piece of cloth around the bone of her forearm, she knotted it to the strap around the tree. It was difficult, shots of pain halted her several times, and her hands were shaking. But she needed to fix it.

Her lips quivered, and she swallowed several times, trying to find the courage to try and set the bone. She breathed hard. Biting down on the elfroot, she pulled back slowly. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and her breathing was ragged as she pushed on the break until the bones popped back together. She whimpered, and parts of her chewed elfroot fell out of her mouth. Black dots were blurring her vision as the pain threatened to overwhelm her.

Not yet, she thought.

Grabbing the splint, she quickly bound it around her arm. Finally, it was set again. With her last concentration, she loosened the belts before she collapsed to the ground. She was shivering and felt cold even with the sun shining on her. Clumsy, she pulled her blanket from her pack and curled up in it. She felt sick, and her vision became unfocused.

She didn't know how long she lay there, cold and not really conscious, but when she could finally focus again, it was getting dark. Slowly she got to her feet. At first, she wondered where her trousers were until she remembered they must still lay by the river. With effort, she got up and went to the river to retrieve her clothes and look for some wood. All while keeping an eye out for Fenris, but there was no sign of him. Not that she cared at this point.

After making a small fire, she sat back against a boulder. She was exhausted. Her arm was hot and in constant throbbing pain, and it felt like she had a slight fever. After drinking a good amount of water, she lay down. She had not the energy to make something to eat. Restless and worried about how she would reach the coast on her own, she fell asleep.

.

Fenris walked briskly through the woods. His mind was racing.

How could she be a slave from Tevinter? What was she doing here? Why did she have a mark from House Getha burned on her chest? He felt disgusted remembering Vesnius Getha, a greedy rat and head of the House Getha. One of the more unpleasant acquaintances of Danarius. A cowardly weasel, who made a living by providing rare goods and components to Magisters to conduct their research. He could remember how Danarius would often rant and complain about Vesnius in one of his endless monologues. Mainly about the outrageous prices Vesnius demanded.

If she was a slave of Vesnius... A bloodthrall. Fenris shook his head.

Had she spoken the truth, had she been a bloodthrall? If she was, she had a cruel life. They were seen like nothing more than cattle. Bled almost dry, only to be locked away with little care until it was time for the next cut. The image of the countless scared cuts on her arm returned. He shuddered, imagining how often she must have stood on the brink of death, weak and unable to fight infections and disease. Even he, as a valuable slave, seldom got treatment for his wounds. And when he did, Danarius always made sure it was painful. Afterwards, he would be punished for needing treatment in the first place. But there was no value in a bloodthrall. How often had Danarius just killed the slave that managed to survive a bloodletting? It was too much of a bother to save a slaves life when he just could get a new one.

Fenris also remembered the vials of blood Danarius sometimes purchased from Vesnius. That blood had come from somewhere. Had she been cut to fill some of them?

But even if she had spoken the truth, it didn't explain why she was here. Did she also escape slavery?

He punched a tree. There were too many things he couldn't answer. He looked back the way he came. He knew where he could get more information, but that meant he had to go back to her. It still could be a trap. But what were the odds that Danarius would send another man's slave to trick him, especially a slave from a person Danarius despised?

.

It was in the night when Fenris finally dared to sneak to the clearing. He could see the faint glow of a dying fire, with the dark outline of someone lying next to it.

Good, she was still here.

After circling the whole area, to make sure no one else was waiting for him, he stealthily approached her from behind. He was hyper-alert for every movement on her part. The moon came from behind a cloud, shining light on the clearing. She was deep asleep and hadn't a clue he was watching her. It hit him how vulnerable she looked, especially when he noticed the dark bruising around her neck.

A pang of guilt shot through him. He had lost control; he had let his anger and hate overwhelm him. Some days it felt like it would consume him, leaving nothing behind. He wished he could finally shake this feeling that Danarius and all the others planted inside of him. It followed him relentlessly like the hunters.

For a moment, he hesitated. Maybe it was better to leave? Was he making a mistake by returning? Was he taking an unnecessary risk by staying here to get answers? No, he needed to know what she was doing here. Afterwards, he could leave.

Having made his decision, he rested his back against a tree with his weapon in hand and waited.

.

In the early morning, Yssil stirred. She still felt sick, and her broken arm throbbed with pain. Bleary-eyed, she sat up and looked around. It startled her to see Fenris standing not too far from her, glaring hostile at her. He pointed his greatsword at her.

“Explain,” he demanded.

A wave of fear shot through her, seeing him. Instinctively she pressed her back against the boulder, fearing he would turn violent again. “I... What do you want to know?”

“Don't play games with me, witch. What are you doing here?”

Yssil's mind raced. What should she tell him?

“I am sorry that I didn't tell you, but I wasn't sure why you were here. I am a former slave of Vesnius Getha. I escaped almost two years ago when the slave transport I was part of got attacked. During the chaos, I managed to escape into the woods. I have been on the run since then. I was surprised when I stumbled onto you.”

She took a deep breath, hoping she would live. “I recognised you. My former master ranted about you, Danarius' successful experiment. Though I doubt you feel the same way about those markings. My former master was jealous and would often complain about how Danarius succeeded only because of his help. I don't know what he meant by that. Most likely, he provided some of the lyrium or something else Danarius needed. I only heard snippets of his monologues. Most of the time, I lay ill in my cell, weak from blood loss. Though I remember he was overjoyed when you managed to escape or as he liked to call it that Danarius lost his 'little pet'.”

Fenris gritted his teeth, hearing her say that. Danarius used to love to call him his pet. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, thinking of him.

“When I encountered you a few days ago.” she continued. “I was scared. I didn't know why you were here and if you managed to stay free after your escape. Or if you somehow had been sent to recapture me.”

This gave Fenris pause. “Why would I be sent to recapture you?”

She looked fearful at him, chewing her lip. “I could escape because it was Danarius' men who attacked the slave transport I was on. Vesnius had a fight with Danarius after you disappeared, I don't know the details, but I know Danarius tried to buy several other slaves and me. Then one day, Vesnius suddenly ordered for us to be transported. That was the same transport Danarius' men attacked. So when I saw you, I was afraid Tevinter had caught up with me. But seeing you getting attacked by those slavers, I just couldn't do nothing. For if you were still free, I could hardly let them capture you and take you back to that horrid place.”

.

Fenris pondered for a while. Her story was anything but what he expected to hear. It was too extraordinary to have been made up, even for a plotter like Danarius.

“I don't expect you to believe me,” she said. “If you want, we can go our separate ways. If you go to the west, you will find your way out of the forest again.”

“How do you know these woods when you aren't from there?”

She pulled out the map she had crudely copied before travelling across the Vinmark Mountains and wanted to stand up. But she was hit by a wave of dizziness. Trying to stay on her feet, she slumped against the boulder.

Suddenly Fenris stood beside her and steadied her.

“Sit,” he growled and moved her back onto her blanket. Then he took the map from her. It was crude but had the mountain range, woods and rivers marked on it. There was also a faint route sketched out from a village near Starkhaven over the mountains. It looked like she had travelled cross country and had avoided all the major roads. She had to be on the road for weeks.

“You came over the mountains on your own?” he asked, somewhat impressed.

“The road is a dangerous place for a lone female, especially if you're an elf.”

Irritated, she pulled the map out of his hands and put it in her bag again. Fenris regarded her; she looked ill. There were dark circles under her eyes. And now, in the daylight, he could see the result of his actions marked on her body. Her broken arm was swollen and had dark, almost black bruises. Her throat was also spotted with bruises, where he had choked her. He crouched down and put his hand on her forehead. She immediately shied away from him.

“You have a fever,” he said.

“And whose fault is that?” she glared at him. “Next time you want to know something, just ask.”

He scoffed. “And you would answer?”

“If I can, yes. I know we don't have a reason to trust each other. My guess is you also had to deal with selfish bastards and greedy monsters on your journey. But I can promise you I just want to safely reach the coast.”

Fenris studied her for a moment. Yssil couldn't guess what he was thinking, but at least he wasn't looking at her as if he wanted to kill her.

“Stay here,” he said. He took the cooking pot and disappeared into the forest.

.

'And go where?' she wanted to jab back at him, but she didn't have the energy for that. Tired, she leant back against the boulder and closed her eyes. She felt drained and miserable. She could tell her body was struggling to cope with her injury. It was another setback, and it still would take a couple of days to get out of these woods. Then she needed to find a place where she could rest and heal if that was even possible. She didn't have enough money to stay at an inn for a long time, and to be able to stay at a farm, she had to work. Frustrated, she allowed herself to wallow in self-pity for a moment.

After a while, she opened her eyes again and looked around. She had no idea what Fenris was doing and if he even would come back. It didn't matter anyway; at the moment, she just needed to pee. A little wobbly, she got on her feet and was hit by another wave of pain from her arm. Right, first going to the bushes, then look for more elfroot. Mustering her energy, she set out on her mission. When she returned to her blanket, she had managed to collect a handful of blueberries and some elfroot. Devouring both, she waited for the relief to set in, then she would try to collect more berries and some wood. With how things were, she wasn't in a condition to travel. She closed her eyes again and let the elfroot do its work.

With the pain receding and the sun warming her, Yssil dozed off for a while. It was a good hour and a half later when she heard something. Opening her eyes, she saw Fenris returning, carrying a bundle of wood and her pot. He sat down across from her and tipped over the pot, tossing a bunch of washed ingredients next to him. There were thistle roots, plantains, and cattail stems. He even managed to catch a fish. He started to cut everything, but his face contorted in disgust when he grabbed the fish. This surprised her.

“You don't like fish?” she asked.

“Pfaugh!” he growled. “I hate fish.”

“May I ask why?”

He looked at her before continuing to cut the fish. “I was in Seheron when I escaped Danarius. I managed to find passage on an old fishing boat with a family that had enough of the violence between Tevinter and the Qunari. There was hardly any room on the boat, and I earned my passage by helping them fish. I slept on a few sacks next to the hold where they stored their catch. The smell of them was everywhere. By the time we reached the shores of Antiva, I had handled and smelled more fish than I ever wanted in my life.”

She huffed a laugh. “I don't like goats,” she admitted.

He tilted his head slightly and looked at her questioningly.

“Too many nights spent in goat shelters. I also worked a short while on a goat farm. I can't stand the smell of them, especially the bucks. They stink.”

“I can imagine,” he answered, and to her surprise, the corner of his mouth twitched upward as if he were about to smile.

Having cut everything, he tossed them back into the pot with some water and placed it on the fire.

“You should eat something. You'll feel better after.” Fenris looked at her through his bangs.

Yssil gave him a small smile and nodded. “Thank you.”

It was the beginning of a truce between them, and she decided to accept this attempt of an apology. She hissed when she moved, and another shot of pain radiated from her arm.

“You should put your arm in a sling.” he stood up and came to her.

Kneeling down, he appeared to check the new splint she had applied. Yssil held her breath. Her first reaction was that she wanted to pull back, but she didn't. For one, moving hurt, and it was obvious that he, in part, regretted his actions.

“The leather belts should be over there.” She indicated to the trees.

“Those won't do. You have to support your whole arm.”

He grabbed their bags. After looking through them, he pulled out her other shirt. “This will do.”

After some adjustments and tying the sleeves around her chest and shoulder, she could slip her arm in the makeshift sling.

“Go, get some sleep. I will go look for more supplies.”

“Thank you, Fenris.”

He nodded and disappeared into the forest again.

.

They spent two days at the clearing until Yssil's fever went down. When they resumed their path on the third day, they had stocked up on blueberries and a few other forageables. Their interactions were still a little tense, but they slowly learned to work together. On their way again, they walked more side by side, rather than Fenris trailing after her.

When they took a short rest on their second day of travelling, Yssil checked the map and their heading.

“We better fill up our waterskins. I think we have to leave the river soon.”

Fenris looked at the map she was holding.

“Look, the river turns eastwards. And if we want to reach the coast, we need to continue south. I think we have one more day until we have to leave the forest. If we move slightly west, we should come to a road leading to the coast.” She glanced at him. “What are your plans after we have reached the coast?”

“Kirkwall. There I can hopefully hide from the hunters and, if necessary, take ship if I need to flee.”

She was surprised he was this forthcoming with his answer. Their interaction had really improved.

She hummed in agreement. “I was thinking about Kirkwall myself or Ostwick. Though I have to be careful, both towns have Circles. With my scars, they will think I am a bloodmage if I am caught. You and those templars are not the first to think that. All too often, it is attack first, ask questions later with these scars. Either they kill me or lock me up and make me tranquil. I don't think I can convince anyone in time that I have nothing to do with bloodmagic.”

Fenris felt a slight pang of guilt hearing that. The evidence of his attack was still visible on Yssil's skin. Though the bruises around her neck were healing and turning into a more greenish, yellowish colour. The same he couldn't say for her arm; it was still somewhat swollen and very painful. It would take weeks for it to heal. There was also the question if she had aligned it properly after what he had done. She managed to set it correctly as far as he could tell, but the swelling needed to go down further before they knew for sure. There was also her persistent cough; he had the impression it was slowly getting worse.

He frowned when he realised he was worried about her again. This was dangerous. He was on the run, and it would only be a matter of time before the hunters would find him again. He couldn't be weighed down by someone who was sick and injured. Not that it mattered, he wasn't planning to take on a companion. And she was a mage. Although they had found a rhythm in their interaction, he didn't know if he could trust her. His past experiences had taught him he shouldn't rely on others. Like she had said, all too often, he had encountered selfish bastards who sought only personal gain.

Her comment about being locked up and made tranquil also made him pause. He had never thought about the Circles of the South and their handling of mages in that way. To him, they were a necessity to keep everyone safe. But knowing she had escaped enslavement, especially a life of a bloodthrall, he could understand she didn't want to be locked up or, even worse, made tranquil when she had done nothing. She was, as far as he could tell, cautious with her magic and nothing like the arrogant, selfish monsters ruling the Imperium. He had once seen a tranquil, a rival mage outmanoeuvred by Danarius. And he was shocked by what was left from a presumptuous young bastard.

Not that it was any of his business. They would part ways soon, and he would be on his own again.

.

Like Yssil had indicated, they soon left the river and continued to move south. On their second day, they emerged from the forest. It was in the afternoon, and far in the distance, they could see the ocean. Over their heads, they heard the call of a couple of seagulls that had flown inland.

For a moment, they stared at the sight. They had finally reached the coast.

Fenris watched and reminded himself that he had to be extra careful from now on. Many slavers operated along the coast, and he hadn't come all this way just to be shipped back to Tevinter. He heard a sniff next to him, and to his surprise, Yssil was crying.

She looked at him and laughed. Feeling embarrassed, she wiped away her tears. “Sorry, I haven't seen the ocean in 12 years.”

“You are from the coast?”

“Yes. Before, I was taken by slavers as a child. I lived with my father and mother in the border region of Antiva and Rivain. I have missed the view ever since.”

Antiva and Rivain. That explained her appearance. With her dark olive skin, almost black brown hair and piercing amber eyes. He could easily imagine her living there.

“Why have you gone South? You have the option to return home.”

“My journey went different than I thought. Not that I planned my whole escape. I just took the opportunity when it came and ran. I was close to Perivantium when I escaped. I fled into the mountain ranges and almost died. A farmer found me when I stumbled into Starkhaven and helped me. I stayed with him for a time, that is, until his son tried to rape me. I got exposed as a mage and fled into the wild marshes. First, I travelled east, but circumstances forced me to move slowly south. Maybe I will return to Rivain in the future. For now, I just want to find a place where I can heal and stay during the approaching winter.”

“Must be gratifying to have the option to return to a place you call home.” Fenris pondered and looked back to the ocean. He had crossed an entire continent to arrive here, and still he was being hunted. Maybe it was time for him to stop running. He was sick of how he lived now.

“You were born into slavery?”

He nodded.

“I hope you will find a place where you can stay soon,” she said. “A home is not always the place you came from. You can build a home anywhere you feel safe and comfortable.”

“Is it that easy?” he raised his eyebrow.

“Easy? No. But I'll be damned if I let my fear of Tevinter and my former master control me. I have come too far to keep cowering. As I said, I hope to find a place for the winter, but my real wish is to find a place I can call home.” She sighed and got a coughing fit. “But enough. We have some daylight left. If we walk to the west, we should come to a road that will lead us to the coast.”

.

They began to walk again. It was only temporary, Fenris told himself. He and Yssil had the same destination, so it was natural to walk together. The landscape was getting rocky, and after an hour, they found the road. Following it, they moved gradually downhill and passed several rock formations until the road led through a gorge. The road showed signs of travel from wagons, but it was clear that this wasn't a main road. This was fine with Fenris; a back road meant less traffic and, by definition, fewer people that could recognise him.

They were almost through the gorge when suddenly some armed men stepped on the road. More men appeared to their left and right, standing on higher ground, their bows aimed at them. A big bearded man with a bald tattooed head stepped forward and grinned at them. He looked like the leader and leaned on his giant axe as if they didn't pose a threat. They were highwaymen, looking for an easy target. In total, they were a group of a dozen men.

“What have we here?” The leader said. “Two knife ears honouring us with their visit.”

Fenris froze. His body tensed, and he readied himself for battle. But with this many enemies, this would be hard-fought, especially with the archers flanking them.

“Wait,” Yssil whispered to him in Tevene. “Wait until I say one.”

He didn't move. What was she planning?

[xxlittle0birdxx]

Every Story Has a Beginning

Read on AO3

'Erp!' The training droid's lightsaber slipped past Obi-wan's defenses and tapped the back of his calf. The jolt of energy temporarily seized his muscles in the grip of a painful cramp, and he fell to his knees. He waved a hand at the droid, shutting it down, then collapsed onto his back, panting for air, and lay gazing up at the dojo’s high ceiling, criss-crossed with several rafters. Karking stupid mistake, he moaned to himself. It was the sort of error a youngling would make. He’d allowed his concentration to slip for a tiny fraction of a second. He swiped his face with an already-sodden sleeve and sighed, acknowledging the source of his lapse of concentration.

Anakin.

Obi-wan sat up and rested his forearms on his bent knees, letting his hands dangle between them. What had the Council been thinking to let him take Anakin as an apprentice? True, he’d done his share of baby-tending in the crèche, but infants weren’t nine year old Padawans. And Obi-wan had little experience with being solely responsible for the well-being of a child.

And Anakin wasn't a mere child.

It had nothing to do with any of the Chosen One prophecies. Anakin's life experience made him far more jaded than his age would suggest. He was, what Rael would call, street-smart. The years of toiling for that Toydarian on Tatooine made him more proficient that most adult Jedi with machinery, and he was forever neglecting his studies to tinker with something. The few times he’d casually offered his perspective as a child slave in one of his classes resulted in shocked, horrified silence, so heavy with disapproval, that it took Obi-wan days to reassure Anakin that no, he had done nothing wrong, and the disapproval wasn’t aimed at him. The concept of play was an alien concept to Anakin. For all their supposed solemnity, Padawans played hard in their leisure time, with their chosen pursuits ranging from dejarik to the rather odd game from Chandrila that involved a stick and a ball, with a great deal of running, throwing, and catching. For a child who'd spent most of his days working, idleness of any sort was anathema. He struggled to find the stillness within him to meditate. He struggled in his classes. Not with the material. He soaked up everything like a sponge, analyzed it, and applied it to the next lesson before it even started. He chafed against the expected behavior of the more typical Padawans. 'He's fidgety!' one of the instructors had sniffed to Obi-wan, like it was a disease. His flight instructors, though… One of them had already quietly informed Obi-wan — with no small sense of awe — that Anakin had already passed the qualifications to fly starfighters and small shuttles, and was well on his way to the larger vessels. The flight simulators were one of the few places where Anakin felt truly comfortable. That, and the dojo.

Obi-wan shivered as the sweat on his body evaporated, but he didn't move.

He felt he was always chastising the boy. Eat your vegetables. Fold your tunics, don't just wad them up in the drawer. Have you finished your homework? You must calm your thoughts. For Ashla's sake, Anakin, where the hell are your socks? Slow down; no one's going to take your food away. Anakin, you must go back to your classroom.

Obi-wan was completely over his head, and he didn't dare ask for help. It would have just reinforced Yoda's doubts about Anakin’s suitability as a Padawan and Obi-wan’s as a master. Obi-wan had initially thought the Council would let Anakin ease into the Order with the rest of the younglings, but they’d plopped Anakin the Apprentice into his unprepared and gobsmacked lap. He heaved a pitiful sigh. 'Be mindful of the past and future, Obi-wan, but not at the expense of the present,' he reminded himself, imitating Qui-gon's burr.

'That wasn't half-bad.' Obi-wan's head swung up. Rael Averross leaned against the doorframe. He still looked as scruffy and rumpled as he did when Obi-wan first met him on Pijal nearly seven years ago. Perhaps his robes were slightly less shabby. 'Time honored tradition to mock your master's voice,' Rael laughed. He took in the glowing holocron, the training droid, and Obi-wan's disheveled form, then pointed to the holocron. 'Form III?'

'I… Yes.'

‘Suits you.’

‘I suppose.’ He picked up his fallen lightsaber. Three months ago, he would have argued that he could master Ataru. Even two months ago, he would have still said as much, and used its aggressive style to defeat the Sith on Naboo. And then he started replaying the final moments of the duel at odd moments, thinking of all the ways it could have gone so horribly wrong, had the Sith used a good defense. But now… He'd started to wonder if the best offense was indeed a tightly-woven defense.

Real merely grunted and walked into the dojo. ‘You know what time it is?’

Obi-wan waved a hand at the holocron to close it, then sent the droid back to its charging dock. 'I honestly don't know.'

‘After twenty-three hundred.’

Obi-wan’s stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly in the otherwise quiet room.

‘Sounds like you missed dinner, too,’ Rael observed.

‘I’ve got some ration bars stashed somewhere.’ Obi-wan pushed himself to his feet and ran his hand through his shaggy, sweat-soaked hair with a grimace. 'After I've had a shower.' Preferably a long one with water as scalding as he could stand it.

‘Might want to find your Padawan first. It's why I came looking for you.’

Obi-wan’s shoulders slumped. Not again...

‘He wasn’t at dinner with the rest of the Padawans,’ Rael continued. ‘Thought he might be eatin’ with you, but he never made it back before curfew.’

Obi-wan bit back a curse. It wasn't the first time Anakin had disappeared between his last class of the day and the Padawans' dinner. The first few times, Obi-wan had found him in one of the rooftop gardens or in a hidden corner of the Temple, his round cheeks wet with tears, feeling the press of resentment and antipathy from the other Padawans, their disdain for his lack of knowledge about the finer points of the Jedi or the Force. Or he'd crossed paths with Mace Windu, who seemed to have a special glower reserved just for Anakin. There were thousands of nooks and crannies where he could hide. And Anakin was very good at making himself small when he didn’t want to be found. He hooked his lightsaber to his belt and glanced at Rael. 'Does it get easier?'

'What? Havin' an apprentice?'

'Taking care of a child,' Obi-wan retorted, letting the weariness creep into his voice.

'Honestly?' Rael scratched his scraggly beard with both hands. 'No.' He sighed. 'Be a damn sight easier if they came with instruction manuals.' He squinted at Obi-wan. 'The Code doesn't help, either. No attachments, it says, like we don't get attached to them or them to us.'

Obi-wan closed his eyes, and massaged his temples. 'Brilliant,' he muttered. He let his hands fall to his sides, and breathed deeply, letting his consciousness fly through the Temple on the swift wings of the Force. Anakin wasn't in the gardens, or in one of the pools. He was endlessly fascinated by so much green, even limited as it was to the gardens, and with the sight of all that water contained in one place, just so the Jedi could swim. He wasn't in the kitchens sneaking food, nor was he in the flight simulators or the Padawans' dojo. Obi-wan didn't bother with the archive. Anakin disliked Jocasta Nu on sight. Where are you, Anakin? He despaired that the boy had left the Temple and was somewhere in Coruscant, boasting about his podracing or piloting skills in some flea-bitten hive of scum and villainy that didn't care that a nine year old boy's life was in danger. Something flickered in the corner of Obi-wan's mind, and he took a sharp turn toward it.

There.

Anakin was in his quarters. Just as Rael had suspected.

Obi-wan blinked. Then broke into a dead run. Something was terribly wrong.

The thick carpeting that lined the corridors muffled his footfalls as he pelted through them, panic making his heart pound in his chest. Why were his quarters so far from the dojo? He smacked the control panel of the door to his quarters with the Force and skidded to a stop just inside.

Anakin lay on one of the meditation platforms, bundled into the duvet that he'd apparently dragged from Obi-wan's bed. Despite the warmth of the duvet, and Anakin's tinkering with the climate controls to make the room as warm as possible, the boy shivered. Obi-wan laid a hand over Anakin's forehead. Kriff me… Anakin burned with fever. He scooped the sleeping child into his arms. Anakin mewled a weak protest, but wrapped his arms around Obi-wan's neck. Obi-wan balanced Anakin’s bottom on his crossed forearms. 'I'm going to take you to the infirmary,' he murmured. 'You'll feel better soon.'

Anakin's head lolled on his shoulder. 'You stink,' he rasped.

'My apologies.' Obi-wan rolled his eyes. If Anakin could comment on his current lack of personal hygiene, he must not be terribly ill. Then Anakin spoke again.

'Hurts,' Anakin complained.

Obi-wan peered at him. One thing Anakin never complained about so far was physical discomfort. 'What does?'

'Head. Throat. And I'm cold…' He burrowed into Obi-wan's chest, who grew more alarmed. He was most definitely not cold to the touch. Obi-wan could feel the heat radiating from him and walked faster.

The infirmary was just ahead. Obi-wan's strides lengthened, and he burst into the dimly lit space. The medical droid rolled up to them, and scanned Anakin before Obi-wan could so much as speak. The droid returned to a workstation, and retrieved a small bottle that it shoved into one of Obi-wan's hands. 'Give him these. Two pills every six hours until the fever breaks.'

'When will that be?'

The droid didn't shrug, but the pattern of blinking lights suggested one. 'As long as it takes. Could be as few as two or three days. Could be six.'

'What's the matter with him?'

'Nerf-pox.' The droid turned away. 'Nothing to do but ride it out.'

Obi-wan felt outraged on behalf of his apprentice. Surely there was more to be done then ride it out. 'Are you joking?'

'It's not in my programming to make japes about illnesses,' the droid retorted sharply. 'Pills every six hours to help with the fever. Put him to bed, and let him rest. Keep him hydrated.'

Obi-wan refrained from sticking his tongue out at the droid, even though he dearly wanted to, then left the infirmary. He stopped and let the relief course through him. Nerf-pox was a common childhood illness. He took a few steps toward the Padawans' dormitories, but stopped and pivoted toward the Knights' barracks, returning to his quarters at a much slower pace than he'd left them. The Padawans' sleeping cells were barely large enough for one person. He couldn't imagine trying to care for a sick child in one. His own quarters were quite modest, but he did have his own 'fresher and a minuscule kitchen area.

Rael waited on one of the meditation platforms. He stood when Obi-wan entered, and lifted a bundle of clothing. 'Nerf-pox?' At Obi-wan's nod, he sighed. 'Figures. Most of 'em have it when they're in the crèche, where he should be.' He motioned to Obi-wan to follow him, and went into the small bedroom and laid out a set of small pajamas. 'Musta had chores in the crèche this week. It's runnin' through the three year olds…'

Obi-wan set Anakin on the edge of the bed and began to peel off the layers of his clothing. The boy was barely conscious, limbs heavy and limp. 'How did you of all people end up in the crèche?'

Rael sighed and handed him the pajama top. 'Fanry. To make up for what I didn't do with her.' Obi-wan glanced up at him with an upraised eyebrow. 'See her as a person. I only ever saw what I wanted to see. I kriffed it up on Pijal.' He shrugged and passed the pajama bottoms to Obi-wan. 'So when I came back… I asked the Council if I could work with the crèche masters.'

Obi-wan tucked Anakin into the bed and stood. 'And now you're one of the resident advisors for the Padawans.'

Rael snorted, gathering Anakin's clothing and folding it. 'Not sure how well I advise, but I do look out for the Padawans whose masters have to leave 'em behind.' He cuffed Obi-wan on the back of the head with a muttered, 'See ya 'round.'

'Rael?' Obi-wan's head ducked. 'Thank you.'

''M not the best one to ask, but if ya need help with your Padawan… Y'know where to find me.' He left with a wave.

Obi-wan found the small bottle of pills and scanned the label. 'May be administered sublingually,' he read aloud. He glanced at Anakin, sprawled on his back. 'There's a relief. I won't have to try and wake you.' He shook two tiny pills into his palm, then poked them into Anakin's mouth, belatedly thinking he should have washed his hands first. Too late to bother now. He grabbed a clean set of clothes and headed for the 'fresher, trading his much-desired hot water shower for a sonic one. He intended to spend the night in the single armchair in the other room, but a scratchy whisper halted his steps.

'Don't go.'

He turned. Anakin was awake, his blue eyes glassy and bloodshot with fever, silently pleading for Obi-wan to stay. Obi-wan hesitated. The others would insist he must be firm with Anakin, teach him true Jedi detachment. But he couldn't say no. Just as he couldn't say no when he woke up in the middle of the night, and nearly tripped over Anakin, sleeping on the floor next to his bed. 'All right.' Obi-wan slid onto the bed, bracing his back against the wall. He lifted Anakin's head and pillowed it on his thigh, just above his knees. He wasn't going to sleep anyway. He could meditate in here just as well as the other room.

Anakin sighed and coughed, his breath rattling in his lungs. 'I miss my mom,' he murmured.

'I know.'

Anakin turned on his side and curled into a ball. 'Why is it bad to miss my mom?'

Obi-wan felt this was a serious philosophical question from Anakin, and not a querulous complaint. He was silent for several minutes, trying to think of an answer, and not just quote dogma at him. 'I'm not certain I'm the best person to ask,' he finally said. Anakin's only reply was a soft snore, for which Obi-wan was grateful. He was still grieving Qui-gon's death. It had left a gaping hole in Obi-wan's life. Rael was right. For all the Code's admonishments against attachments, masters and apprentices did form emotional attachments to one another. How could he not, when he'd spent the past twelve years following in the formidable footsteps of Qui-gon Jinn? Two months on, and the memory of Force leaving Qui-gon's body still made his hands twitch. He leaned his head against the wall and slowly exhaled. Satine Kryze likewise occupied a corner of his heart and soul, even more than seven years after he'd left her on Mandalore. Leaving had been the correct decision — and a mutual one — but he often wondered if they'd been in the right to close the door their friendship as well. He could do with her counsel right now. He called his datapad to his hand and entered the codes for his personal data archive, then pressed his thumb to the indicted location to read his thumbprint. Then an iris scan. One can never be too careful, he mused, tapping on the message from Satine for what was probably the hundredth time. She hadn't sent it directly to him, but to the Council. Master Plo Koon then passed it along to him.

Please offer my deepest condolences to Obi-wan. Nu kyr'adyc, shin taab'echaaj'la.

'Not gone, merely marching far away,' Obi-wan muttered. For a Mandalorian saying, it hewed rather close to the Jedi way of viewing death. He glanced down at Anakin to assure himself he was still asleep, then switched to the HoloNet, and searched for a tidbit about Satine. It was never a regular habit of his. Just when he needed to feel good about something he'd done. Truth be told, he seemed to look her up nearly every night lately. He felt like he was failing Anakin, and by extension, Qui-gon. Seeing Satine flourish made him feel as though he had done one thing right with his life so far. A holovid appeared of her touring a new hospital on Kalevala. Mandalore seemed to be thriving under her leadership.

Time unspooled around him, while the miniature image of Satine moved through the sun-drenched room, over and over.

Anakin stirred and squinted at the blue-tinged hologram over his head. 'Who's that?' His breath whistled through his clogged sinuses.

'Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalore,' Obi-wan told him. 'An old friend.'

Anakin watched her for a few moments, the blue light from the holo making his pale face even more pallid. 'She's pretty.'

‘She is,’ Obi-wan agreed, although he felt he was terribly biased. He switched off the datapad.

Anakin yawned and blinked a few times, eyelids growing heavy. 'Not as pretty as Padmé,' he sighed before falling asleep once more.

The corner of Obi-wan's mouth tipped up with a rueful grin. Anakin was rather taken with the young queen of Naboo. The Naboo penchant for pomp, and the queen's correspondingly elaborate wardrobe did little to dispel the notion that they were in some sort of fairy tale. Obi-wan had little doubt that Anakin dreamed of defending Padmé Amidala against Star Dragons, the bold and fearless Jedi Knight wielding his trusty lightsaber.

Hours passed before Anakin stirred again in the peculiar light before dawn that leeched the color from the room. 'They think we're gonna fail,' Anakin remarked, pushing the duvet away. 'Hot,' he mumbled.

With a few gestures, Obi-wan brought a cool, damp cloth to his waiting hand, and draped it over Anakin's forehead. 'Oh?'

'Mmm-hmmmm.' Anakin gazed up at him. ''M too old to be a youngling an' too young to be a Padawan. An' you're too young an'…' His brows drew together as he groped for the word. 'Inexperienced.'

Obi-wan wiped Anakin's cheeks with the cloth. 'Who told you that?'

'No one. But they all think it. All the other Padawans… Master Windu…'

Obi-wan smiled grimly. Why am I not surprised? He ran his hand over Anakin's hair. 'Well, I suppose we'll have to succeed beyond everyone's wildest dreams.' Anakin started to shiver again, and Obi-wan tucked the duvet around his skinny shoulders, struck anew by how small and frail he felt. You will be a Jedi, even if it kills me, he thought.

[almostscrumptiouspeanut]

Don't leave me alone

Spencer Reid x Y/N

Fluff!

That morning, when she opened her eyes, she knew exactly what was going to happen. The pounding pain in her temples, the dizziness, the discomfort caused by smells and bright lights, she knew it all led to one thing and one thing only: migraine with aura. She moved slowly, stepping out of the covers and trying to focus the room despite the urgent need to close her eyes and not open them again. Looking down and squinting to avoid too much pain, she blindly searched for the clothes she had picked out the night before. A habit that didn’t particularly belong to her, but one she had allowed herself to convert to after meeting Spencer. She got out of her pajamas calmly, movements slow and calculated: the risk of ending up on the floor because of vertigo was more than present.

Once dressed – grateful to her past self for having decided to organize her clothes for work – she decided it was time to take her medicine. She slowly made her way to the bathroom where she kept her medications, grabbed the bottle of painkillers specific to her migraine, and pulled out a tablet. She took a short time to swallow it, more bothered by the burning she felt at her temples than by the tablet going down her esophagus. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to gather what little strength she had left to face those hours of work. She knew she could stay at home and ask for days off – being a journalist gave her the opportunity to work from home – but she knew that there, in the dark, alone, she would simply feel worse. If only she’d had someone to keep her company…

If getting out of the covers had seemed like a daunting task, facing the outside world was a suicide mission. Every noise, smell, even the light itself seemed to pierce her skull and plant itself firmly in her brain. She had greeted her colleagues with a small smile, avoiding speaking as much as possible. At that point, she didn’t even know how her voice would come out. Sh just wanted to get through those hours, hold out as long as she could, and then go home and curl up under the covers, patiently waiting for Spencer to return. It wasn’t a habit of hers, waiting for Reid to come home. It was one of her favorite aspects of their relationship: they both had the opportunity to be able to spend time alone.

Of course, Spencer’s motives were more than justified; it wasn’t everyone’s thing to go around psychologically profiling serial killers and arresting them. She understood how demanding and heavy his job was, which is why she had never tried to confront him with the choice: it was either the job or her. Also because she loved her independence, independence that vanished when she was sick. She was aware that hers might seem like quite childish behavior, most likely it was, but she couldn’t help but want so much small attention when she wasn’t at her best, especially when it seemed like her brain was organizing itself to suck out all her lifeblood. She took a few moments to gather her thoughts and return her focus to the present, not rambling off into imaginary worlds. She worked calmly, aware that she had no upcoming deadline, happy to be able to focus her attention on something other than her brain that seemed to be crushed at the inversion. Every once in a while she would hear her mother’s voice booming in her head, “you should have taken your medication earlier,” and she knew that – even if that voice was only in her mind – she was right. She had recognized the warnings the night before. The slightly blurred vision, the unusual tiredness and exhaustion, but she had taken the situation lightly, deciding that instead a few hours of sleep would be more than fine. Result? She felt her head on fire. Bad, very bad sign. In the end she even managed to work for three continuous hours, occasionally taking moments to recover and concentrate. Only during her lunch break – which she had completely forgotten and had been mended by one of her colleagues – did she pick up the phone, having previously decided to use it as little as possible, already forced to focus her gaze on the computer screen. She had unread messages, all of them fairly ignorable, except for the one from Spencer, which as always had caught her attention.

Spence💼

Hi honey, I hope everything is going well at work. I’m going to be late tonight, so many files to fill out.

Part of herself couldn’t deny feeling bad about it. Well, actually she had been completely dejected by that news, but as she always promised herself she would not put pressure on her partner. She answered him quickly, disguising her sadness and mentally thanking her for the opportunity to send messages, knowing that in a few seconds Reid would understand what was going on. The downside of profilers she told himself. She sighed, knowing that when she got home she would collapse on the bed, also because of the medication she had to take.

Maybe she had made a mistake in going to work that day, but in her defense she could say that she was sure Spencer would be there when she returned. On the other hand, she wouldn’t hold it against him, she didn’t want at all that Spencer put her first, ahead of his own work. Rather than blame him, she decided to blame her fate, which often played tricks on her.

She spent her lunch break sitting at her station, munching on some whole grain pretzels that happened to still be in her purse. She wasn’t hungry, hell she didn’t even feel like staying with her eyes open. When her cell phone vibrated on her desk, she jumped in fright, all too used to the silence in the office. When she read the name of the person calling her, she let a tender smile form on her lips: it was her best friend.

“Hey,” she replied, trying to use the most cheerful tone possible.

“Hi sweetie. Are you okay?” she asked immediately, her friend recognizing the forced tone she had used. She took a few moments to clear her throat and try to put the words together to formulate as convincing a sentence as possible. “Sure, everything’s fine. How are you?” diverting attention to another person – Spencer’s voice boomed in her mind – is a sign that highlights an attempt to hide something. She knew it, he knew it well, and her best friend unfortunately knew her better than herself. “Hmm. Did you have a fight with the little genius?” she giggled at the question, more because of the astonished tone her friend had used. She was well aware that she and Reid rarely fought – most of the time it was a silly argument.

“No honey, everything’s fine with my little genius” moments of silence on the other end of the line, so much so that she wondered if she had ended the call.

“You have a migraine, don’t you?” and, heck, how could s even think of hiding anything from her? She sighed, admitting her own defeat. “And okay, yes, I have a migraine attack. But it’s nothing serious, I can handle it,” she repeated, more to convince herself than her friend. “Did you take your meds?” she asked, in an apprehensive mom tone.

“Yes.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Yes…” was a little more hesitant answer this time, but she decided to let it go.

“Are you in the dark in your room?” now that was a question she didn’t want to answer. She decided rather to remain silent, thankful that she was on the phone and not in person, otherwise she would have seen her guilty look. For a moment she seemed to convince himself that well, it’s true that he who is silent consents. Here, it wasn’t working in that case. “…Tell me you didn’t go to work” the tone of reproach was definitely similar to his mother’s, who for a moment wondered if it wasn’t really her on the other side of the line. “Are you fucking serious? You know you have to rest when you’re like this!” then she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. “I know, but sitting at home doing nothing drives me crazy. I feel… incapable,” she admitted, with an edge to her voice, because she was so ashamed.

Her friend sighed, softening the tone of her voice. “I know, I know honey, I understand. But aren’t you in danger of feeling worse this way?”

“Don’t worry, I can handle it. Besides, it’s only a couple of hours away and I’ll be home,” she tried to reassure her, though the idea of coming home and having to be alone….

“Is Spencer at work?” pretty stupid question, that guy never took days off. “Yes. He…um, he’s going to be late today.”

“He doesn’t know you’re sick” wasn’t a question, it was an observation. “No, but I’m sure when he gets home it will all be gone. I just need the tablets and some rest” hopefully she added mentally.

The conversation closed shortly after, leaving her alone with her own thoughts.

The rest of the working hours passed quickly, or maybe it was just her impression, as she had the urge to go home and curl up under the covers. Which, indeed, she did as soon as she returned. First she turned off her cell phone, exhausted by the hours of constant contact with the computer screen. She quickly undressed, pulling off her skirt and shirt as fast as she could, and then went to fish out what she called “lonely clothes” from her closet.

They were essentially one of her old sweatpants and a shirt that Spencer no longer wore and that she had appropriated. Tucked away in a corner of the closet, she would pull them out when Spencer was away and particularly missed them. She had been careful to hide them, too embarrassed at the idea that Reid might see them. She would never admit it out loud, but she loved wearing that old t-shirt, because in her opinion it still held Spencer’s scent. After taking her own medication-which would also knock out a horse-she snuggled under the covers, hugging the pillow

Spencer used to sleep on.

Another extremely childish habit, but one that gave her a vague sense of companionship. Couldn’t she have her own boyfriend to cuddle her? Then she would simply imagine him, surrounded by his scent. The painkillers took effect in a short time, leaving her finally pain-free and definitely sleepy. In a few moments, she closed her eyes and slipped into a peaceful sleep, where nothing could disturb her. She had always loved her ability to sleep deeply for so many hours, which is why she did not hear the front door open, close, the footsteps of someone approaching the bedroom and reaching her.

She opened her eyes only when she felt a hand resting on her own shoulder, gently shaking her. Still quite foggy from the painkillers, it took her a while to focus on the image of Spencer, probably also due to the darkness that reigned throughout the house.

“Hey,” the voice low and arched from sleep and hours of stubborn silence. In response s had a sweet smile and a tender kiss on his forehead. “Hi honey” whispered, shortly after Spencer, making her smile. She had always enjoyed Spencer’s voice, but when he whispered it literally made her melt with sweetness. What are you doing here? She wanted to ask, but merely enjoyed his company as he slipped under the covers at her side to replace the pillow and hug her tightly. She didn’t ask any questions, just snuggled into his chest and closed her eyes, simply thinking it was all a figment of her own imagination.

She stayed sound asleep for the next few hours, and when she woke up she assumed she had really only dreamed of Spencer at home, because her side of the bed was empty and cold. No one had laid down on that side, at her side. She took a few moments to get out of the stupor brought by the sleep induced by the medicines, then she sat up and reached for the bottle of water she had previously placed on the bedside table, near the bottles of medicines.

“You’re awake” locked in her own world of silence, she jerked when she heard Spencer’s voice, then began to cough violently. Of course, so did the water sideways. Heck, she felt more and more like a silly little girl. She was joined within seconds by her own boyfriend, who knelt down to be at her height and looked at her apprehensively. She lifted a hand to let him know it was okay, as the last few coughs shook her chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he began, Spencer, but was soon stopped. “But what time is it? Shouldn’t you still be at work?” she asked, confused. That she had slept all that time?

“What are you talking about? I came back early, I even woke you up and you fell asleep hugging me,” he reminded her, his brows furrowed and a confused look in his eyes. She took a few moments to connect everything. “I… I thought it was a dream,” she admitted, then smiled shyly at him. Spencer then decided to get up and sit by her side, resting an arm around her shoulders again and letting her rest her head in the crook of his neck. He stayed there stroking her back for a few minutes, cradling her gently. “You should have told me,” he said, then, catching her attention. She lifted her head a few inches to look into his eyes and give him a questioning look.

“That you were having one of your migraine attacks, you should have told me,” she specified, using a tone of mock reproach. “I didn’t want to worry you. By the way, what are you doing home already?”

“I came back early, I can tell. I couldn’t leave you alone in this condition.”

“But who-“ then she paused, realizing that her own best friend had probably spilled the beans to her boyfriend. She collapsed her head against Reid’s chest, sighing. “I was ashamed,” she admitted, after a while. “Of being sick?”

“No. Well, not really. It’s just that when I don’t feel well, especially when I have my migraine attacks I-“ and she paused again, trying to find the right words and not sound like a pathetic child. “You…?” he encouraged her, tightening his grip on her a bit. “When I’m hurting… I just… I like attention.”

“Attention…?”

“Cuddles” she spat out, then hid against Spencer’s chest so he wouldn’t notice the blush on her face. “Hey,” he said, gently lifting her face with his index finger. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be cuddled when you’re sick,” he reassured her, and then brought her fully seated on his lap and hugged her.

He gently kissed her cheeks, first one and then the other, then the tip of her nose – making her giggle – then her forehead, her temples, and finally kissed her full on the lips. “You should have told me sooner,” he whispered softly against her ear, continuing to caress her arms, her back, and kiss her face tenderly. “I felt stupid,” she confessed, clinging to her shirt, crumpling it in her hands.

Spencer immediately raised his head, looking at her as if he had a heresy. “Never. Never say that. You’re the sweetest, smartest person I’ve ever met,” he probably noticed her eyebrow arched, as if to say, “are you sure, Mr. 187 IQ?” Spencer chuckled at her skeptical look, then continued. “You don’t have to be a genius to be smart. I love the way you are, the sweetness with which you welcome me home every time. I couldn’t live without you,” he said, still whispering, and then kissed her softly. A slow kiss, not dictated by passion. “New rule,” he said, when they separated to breathe. She nodded, as if to incentivize him to continue. “Anytime you want to be cuddled, no matter if you’re ashamed, just tell me,” he continued, and then lifted his right hand and raised his little finger. “Promise?” she giggled, then nodded and linked her pinky with his. “Promise.”

[love-skincareroutine]

What Does Baby Oil Do For Your Skin

New Post has been published on https://skin-care-routine.com/skin-care-routine/what-does-baby-oil-do-for-your-skin/

What Does Baby Oil Do For Your Skin

A. 17 Uses for Baby Oil That Will Save You Money

See why this baby softener belongs to the home of every financially experienced adult. The next time you need to loosen, soften, shine, shave or make a noise, try baby oil. The lightly scented mineral oil is suitable for numerous applications that have nothing to do with babies. In fact, having baby oil eliminates the need to buy a variety of disposable products, which are often more expensive. Below are more than a dozen uses of baby oil that can save money.

1. Bath oil

I poured baby oil into the bathtub to soften my tired winter skin.

Note: You must then use a cleaning agent for the bathtub, otherwise the next bather may slip and fall through the oily residue.

2. Moisturizer

Don’t you want to scrub a bathtub with oil after each bath to enjoy baby oil? Dry the towel immediately after bathing, then apply a little baby oil to damp skin to retain moisture.

3. Shaving gel replacement

Before shaving, use a thin layer of baby oil instead of foam or shaving gel (or soap) on your legs.

4. Wax aid

If you shave eyebrows, legs or other parts of the body, use a little baby oil afterwards to remove any remaining wax.

5. Eye make-up remover

A cotton ball moistened with baby oil takes care of the eyeshadow and eyeliner without irritating sensitive skin.

6. Temporary tattoo remover

Junior came home from a birthday party with screaming superhero tattoos? Rub them with a little baby oil.

7. Cuticle oil

Sushmita Munda writes on makeupandbeauty.com that she uses baby oil on her hands when she does her nails. Of course, there is a product called “cuticle oil”, but she never buys it.

8. Lip scrub

Munda also does a lip scrub by mixing 1 teaspoon of baby oil, ½ teaspoon of sugar and a few drops of lemon juice. She rubs lightly on her lips every night before bed to remove dead skin.

9. Detergent massage

Baby oil is a cheap alternative to massage oil or cream.

10. Softener for scaly feet

Do your feet look like lizards in winter? Apply some baby oil before bed, then put on plain white socks. While you sleep, the skin on your feet becomes very soft.

11. Ring loosener

Were your hands swollen from pregnancy or air travel? Pour a little baby oil on the swollen finger and gradually loosen the ring.

12. Paint remover

Do you have latex paint on your hands or arms after painting a room? It can rub immediately or become embedded in the ankles and other skin folds. A post on Instructables.com recommended massaging paint splashes with baby oil in a circular motion.

13. Squeaky hinge lubricant

A drop or two should do the trick – and baby oil smells much better than WD-40.

14. Bandage remover

Is it time to change the patch on your child’s knee? Saturate with oil and wait for a while; The patch should come off immediately, without pain.

15. Price sticker remover

If you can’t remove a sticker from something made of glass, porcelain or plastic, apply some baby oil and wait a while. The sticker should come off much easier.

Note: Do not do this on any fabric or paper, as the oil may discolor.

16. Polishing the golf club

Depending on which golf enthusiast you are talking about, you can protect and polish your clubs with gun oil, WD-40, special golf club polishers, petroleum jelly, a silicone gun cloth or, yes, baby oil.

17. Milling oil

If you have a paper shredder – and you should – things go well with the occasional lubrication. Place a few pieces of paper on a baking sheet and spread some baby oil. As soon as the paper absorbs the oil, pass it through the paper shredder.

  B. 6 Ways You Can Include Baby Oil In Your Daily Beauty Routine

Basically, baby oil is just mineral oil. It is extracted from oil and is used in almost all types of skin products, such as moisturizers and perfumes. Contrary to popular belief, baby oil is not a panacea for all skin problems under the sun. The theory has resulted in women being misinformed about its use, and that is where we come in. Here are five ways to safely incorporate baby oil into your beauty routine and what you should know about it.

1. Moisturizer

Baby oil can be used as a moisturizer, especially in areas of dry skin that need to be healed. The application is very similar to that of babies; Do this from the shower when your skin is still damp. In this way, the oil penetrates deeply into the skin while the pores are still open. Although baby oil is perfectly safe as a non-toxic alternative to other creams, it is not advisable to use it on your face. Baby oil tends to clog pores and cause acne when used on the face. You should continue to use it as a body oil. However, make sure that it is a fragrance-free product as it can cause problems for sensitive skin.

2. Makeup remover

If you are a fan of the oil cleaning method, this tip is for you. Baby oil can be used as a makeup remover as it helps to dissolve makeup and residue. Just massage a thin layer of oil on your face and dry with a cotton towel. Always use a facial wash to wash any residue thoroughly. Baby oil can also be used to make makeup corrections during application. Use a cotton swab to clean up any unstable lines or accidental stains. Make sure to avoid the eye area

3. Foot care

Baby oil contains the rejuvenating and relaxing properties of vitamin E, making it perfect for skin problems such as cracked heels and elbows. Heat the oil and use it to do a pedicure at home or as a daily moisturizer for your feet. Always wear socks to prevent oily sheets and slips

4. Cuticle care

Cuticle care is a highly underestimated form of self-care, especially if you work a lot with your hands. Dry cuticles can cause unnecessary burning and pain if left untreated. This is where baby oil can be useful. If you don’t want to spend your money on expensive cuticle oils, get a bottle of baby oil to keep them hydrated. Dip a cotton swab in the oil and apply to fingers and nails. Massage the oil into the nail bed. So doing it also gives you a healthy, shiny-looking nail, which is a great bonus

5. Shaving oil

I don’t normally leave a razor near me to remove my hair. I hate it when it grows back with thorns and I don’t like the feeling of shaving creams and foams on my body. I make an exception when baby oil is available. Instead of a cream, apply to the oil and shave. It provides a much closer shave and keeps the skin smooth in the process. It can also be used after epilation to remove any wax residue and soothe the skin

6. Miscellaneous

In addition to the obvious uses, having a bottle of baby oil next to the bedside table can help you in several ways. Broken elbows? Massage in a drop to moisturize overnight. In combination with sunscreen, it can act as a tanning oil. Although they do not contain active ingredients that act against stretch marks, they can be used to keep skin smooth and hydrated and to prevent future lines and wrinkles.

  C. Can I Use Baby Oil on My Face?

Baby oil has been on the market for over 100 years and has long been a staple in parents’ kindergartens. It is a clear liquid made from mineral oil and petroleum-based fragrances. According to Johnson & Johnson, baby oil can be applied to the baby’s skin before a massage. It can also help to soothe a baby’s dry skin, especially when used when the skin is already moist with water, for example, after a bath.

Baby oil forms a semi-breathable barrier on the skin. This barrier already retains moisture on the skin’s surface. Some adults also use baby oil on the body to soothe dry skin. Some swear that it gives the skin of the face a special smoothness and shine. People also use baby oil on many other parts of the body, on their hair and as a lubricant. According to a limited amount of research, baby oil may have the ability to increase and soften the skin. Here’s what you need to know if you’re thinking about applying it to your face.

1. Is baby oil good for your face?

Baby oil is hypoallergenic and free of parabens, phthalates and dyes. This means that it is safe for most people to lie on their skin without fear of allergic reactions.

There is a limited amount of scientific research on how baby oil affects the skin and little research on how it affects the face. Based on available research, baby oil is safe for your skin, including the skin on your face.

a. Can you use baby oil as a facial moisturizer?

Baby oil is not comedogenic, which means it does not clog your skin pores. So if you have a dry or normal skin type, you can use baby oil to keep your face hydrated. In a 1993 Trusted Source study, scientists tested four different common moisturizing ingredients to see how they affected people’s skin. One was mineral oil, an important ingredient in baby oil. In comparison to ethanol, glycerin and water, water and baby oil appear to have the greatest moisturizing effect of all ingredients when applied to the skin. Scientists have found that mineral oil has helped to make the skin fatter and to make it more hydrated.

b. Does baby oil reduce the appearance of scars and stretch marks?

There is no direct research to show that baby oil can reduce the appearance of facial scars and stretch marks on the body. The same 1993 study by ResearchTrusted Source, which found that baby oil is an effective moisturizer, suggests that this claim is probably true. Most scars and stretch marks are cut on the skin. The application of baby oil can thicken the skin in these areas and reduce the overall appearance of scars and stretch marks. An older study from 1975 found that the effects of baby oil disappeared 48 hours after use. It must be reapplied to keep the skin looking moist and plump.

c. Does baby oil relieve skin discomfort?

The researchers found some evidence that baby oil can help relieve skin conditions, including those associated with dry skin and diseases like psoriasis. According to a 2012 study of people on hemodialysis, baby oil helped to significantly reduce itching when rubbed on the itchy body part for at least 15 minutes a day for 3 weeks.

2. Can you put baby oil on your face at night?

You can apply baby oil to your face at any time of the day or night to wake you up with smoother, fleshier skin. However, avoid doing this if you are prone to acne, as this can make the situation worse.

3. Unproven claims

Most claims about baby oil, in addition to its moisturizing and fatty properties, have not been proven. Here’s what you should know:

a. Can baby oil treat acne on your face?

There is no evidence that using baby oil can treat acne. Although many people can apply baby oil to their face without increasing the risk of acne, it should be avoided if you have acne-prone skin. Even though baby oil itself does not clog pores, the barrier it forms on the skin can retain dirt and oil that enter the pores and worsen acne.

b. Can baby oil remove makeup?

There is no clear evidence that baby oil can be used to remove makeup. However, many people do this anecdotally. Because it is considered safe to use, it is unlikely to harm you. However, if you have acne-prone skin, avoid applying baby oil to your face.

c. Can you use it instead of shaving cream?

There is no research to suggest that baby oil is a suitable replacement for shaving cream. However, regular use of baby oil can moisturize and soften the skin, making shaving easier.

4. Possible side effects of using baby oil on the face

Baby oil is generally safe to use. However, there are some side effects that you should be aware of when trying to use it on your face. These possible side effects include:

a. Allergic reaction

Research has shown that an allergic reaction to mineral oil, a common ingredient in baby oil, is very rare. However, if you have sensitive skin and are concerned about the possibility of reacting, consider applying a small amount to another, less visible part of your body. Wait 24 hours to see if you have a reaction. If you don’t notice any redness or irritation, it’s safe to apply it to your face.

b. Trigger Escape

Baby oil was developed to be non-comedogenic. Therefore, it does not clog pores, although it can cause acne in people prone to skin rashes.

c. Inability to sweat

Baby oil forms a barrier on the skin. Therefore, on a hot day, it can retain a lot of moisture. This makes it harder for you to sweat, as your body naturally tries to calm down.

5. How to use baby oil on your face

If you want to apply baby oil to your face, do the following:

Wash your face with a mild detergent or soap.

Dry and leave a little moisture on the skin surface.

Inject a small amount of baby oil into your hand.

Gently massage the oil on your face with your fingertips.

6. Alternative home remedies for facial skin

Baby oil is a synthetic product. Vegetable oils are a more natural choice for skin care. If you are looking for alternative oils to soften and smooth your face, consider these more natural options:

Almond oil is a mild moisturizing oil. It is ideal for people with dry and sensitive skin.

Argan oil is a perfect facial oil for people with normal skin. It is moisturizing and full of vitamins that can protect your face from the sun and other skin damage.

Jojoba oil is great for people with oily skin. It is light and moisturizing, but also reduces oiliness.

Rosehip oil works well for people with acne-prone skin. This oil is moisturizing, but it also contains fatty acids that reduce redness and disappear acne scars.

7. Summary

Baby oil is a popular skin care product, originally developed for babies, but it is also used by adults. It can help to increase, soften and moisturize the skin, retaining moisture from the face and the whole body. Although it is a synthetic oil, it is quite mild and rarely causes allergic reactions. However, if you have acne-prone skin, this product should not be applied to your face as it can cause skin rashes. In addition, if you want to opt for a more natural facial oil, there are many vegetable oils for all skin types.

[let-it-show]

All The Love I Found In You 9/?

Ahh, I’m sorry for the wait everyone. I still see activity on this story so thank you so much for reading it ;; You can find part 8 here! Poor Anna isn’t feeling super well and having some issues. But what else is wrong? Elsa is full of confusion and guilt, she’s not sure what to do. Ah, the troubles that come with love... Click HERE for part 10! tag for @hellodemoiselle !!

Despite being exhausted from the day, Elsa could not fall asleep.

It wasn't an isolated event. When her mind was overtaken with her worries she would stay up and just think, usually watching the sky when she stayed away from everyone. It was always better in the winter when she could watch the snow. In Ahtohallan she watched certain memories throughout the night - often they involved Anna. Between her years of isolation and leaving Arendelle, she spent time with Anna if her mind would not let her sleep. Even if she didn't tell Anna exactly what was on her mind all the time, her presence helped.

Elsa found herself gazing down on her sister's sleeping form, lying on her side by then with Anna on her back. Her shoulder had become a dull aache but still unpleasant. She was looking at her own form but it was Anna's soul in there, every movement was hers. The smile on her face, that was Anna's, and so was the hand Elsa held in her own.

"What could it be, Anna?" she whispered into the silence of the night. She had a small wish that Anna would manifest her dreams and that she could learn something from those. However, Anna's dreams could be off the wall. Elsa supposed she didn't need Anna to create scenes of reindeers in slippers racing each other in the bedroom.

Anna offered no answer, just a sleepy little sigh.

"I'm not going to leave you." Elsa had waves of strong regret flooding through her off and on as the hours went by.

If only in the past she had at least tried to connect with Anna, tried to sneak out to see her sometimes or at the very least, offered words through the door when her parents died. Her parents, who she listened to and thought the world of even as they did irreparable amounts of damage to both women. They had tried hard. What options did they even have? What they did made sense.

No. No, that was wrong. They didn't have to do exactly what the trolls said. They didn't have to keep them apart so many years. When they were a few years older than when the accident happened, why couldn't they have figured out a way for the sisters to connect? Why? It was her fault-no, she had been a little kid when she hurt Anna! She hurt Anna...

"Stop!" she growled to herself and then froze. She'd done that louder than she meant to. "Stop," she whispered again.

How to silence her mind from the thoughts that plagued her? She didn't know that they would ever quite go away. Even if they came far less often than they used to, they still happened.

Part of her wanted to walk, maybe go to the library and try to seek out an answer - both for her thoughts, and get ideas for Anna. However, she had been all over the library for the former and found no magic cure. And if she got up and left, waking up alone would surely hit Anna's panic button like a giant's rock.

She didn't want to leave her anyway, especially as Anna snuggled in closer. Elsa squeezed her hand and lowered herself back down in the bed so her face snuggled against Anna. Maybe another hour passed and Elsa finally fell asleep.

"Ooooh no, oh no..."

Elsa's eyes shot open to the sounds of moaning and groaning next to her on the bed. She sat up in alarm and looked to Anna, who had rolled on her side with her back to Elsa. The first bits of morning light fell in through the window with curtains they had forgotten to close and for a moment Elsa thought the complaint was due to being woken up..

When she heard another painful groan, she knew otherwise. "Anna...?" Her fingers gently brushed her shoulder.

"Ooooh Elsa, oh Elsa it's baaaad..."

"What's bad?" Elsa asked, her entire being nearly in panic mode at any slight bit of discomfort from her sister. She had an idea, just a little inkling...

"Oh Elsa I had some strong stuff last night and so much cheese, I'm going to be sick! My head hurts too, whyyyyy why did I do that," Anna moaned out and started inching toward the edge of the bed. "I gotta throw up."

"Woah let's get you to the washroom, throw up there and-"

"Noooope." As soon as the word was out, Anna propped herself up and leaned over to throw up. "Ohgaw!" she made a strangled noise of surprise as she did so. Elsa cringed and tried to pet her back and arm in what she hoped was a soothing gesture.

She felt a spike of cold in the air, and wasn't terribly surprised. When she was sick she made snowmen with a sneeze and one time when she was terribly nauseous she made a blizzard in the washroom. With Anna she guessed she shot some snowballs out her nose.

Her hand continued to rub Anna's arm as she felt her body shake from exertion. It took a few minutes for the poor girl to recover. Even when she seemed she had she laid her head on the pillow again and groaned.

Elsa steeled herself for the sight on the floor; she was going to take care of it right away from Anna and she started to get up. "No, please," Anna begged weakly when Elsa began to peel away from her. "Can you stay a little longer? It's still early."

"It's very early, but I need to clean up and get you some water and a bucket," Elsa told her. Then I'll lay back down with you for a little while," she told her.

Surprisingly, Anna giggled. "Oh there's nothing to worry about for cleaning." Anna turned her head a little. "I turned it into snow on the way out."

"You..." Elsa blinked. She couldn't remember ever doing that herself.

"I didn't want to be gross and I didn't want to taste it so...I sort of froze it but not entirely and anyway I puked snow." She giggled again and then groaned. "Ow..."

"I'm impressed," Elsa admitted. "You got a handle on those powers quick to turn vomit into snow in the process of, uh, yea."

"It was kinda easy for me," Anna admitted in a small voice. "But control with emotions is...it works for me I guess, when I'm happy mostly."    

"Your love has always been there, always been a powerful part of you and you flourish with it," Elsa said, lowering herself to kiss Anna's cheek. "I should have expected it." She wondered if, even with Anna being in her body only a couple of days, if she already handled her powers better...

If so, she was proud. She couldn't be jealous. She had concealed too long and too hard and Anna hadn't.

"I'm going to get you water." Elsa still had to take care of her.

"Nonono, please please," Anna begged weakly. "Can you stay, I don't feel good so can you stay?"

"Anna," Elsa sighed in frustration. "I'm going to come right back! You need to drink something and if you cuddle up to me I'll fall right back asleep before getting you anything."

"I don't see the problem," Anna whined.

"I do." Elsa finally managed to slip away from Anna and the blankets, shivering in the cool air. It may have been cold anyway, but the chill born from Anna's sickness only piled onto it all. She wished she had slippers near the bed or something, but last night she hadn't exactly been thinking about a wake-up routine. "I'm going to get the fireplace going again, too."

"But I can keep you warm," Anna told her as Elsa sought out a robe by the door to throw over herself.

"I know. But you need not focus on my well being, and if you get too warm or your head hurts too much-"

"I can do it. I can do whatever you need me to, Elsa."

Elsa's hand had been on the doorknob when Anna's words made her hesitate. She noticed her voice seemed small, too. "Anna?" She peered at her and Anna was sitting halfway up in the bed peering at her with wide, begging eyes.

"Don't go, I can um, I can take care of you so stay."

"..." Elsa studied her. Surely Anna wasn't drunk, still, though a mean hangover could be messing with her mind. As a result it was bringing yet more to the surface. Elsa needed to learn it and hear it, but she didn't like it coming forth as she was trying to help her. "I know you can take care of me, but you shouldn't have to do that right now. Let me take care of you. Please? I'll be right back."

Her words seemed to do the trick, for the time being. "Oh...okay..."

Elsa smiled at her and then hurried out the door, the cool floor making her feet feel like, well, ice. It was uncomfortable at best and she hurried toward the kitchen for a fresh pitcher of water. They still had glasses in the bedroom. The cooks might be starting breakfast preparation. Elsa hoped she could easily duck in and out.

Luck was on her side. A couple of the servers were in and cleaning the counters down while the head cook had his head in the pantry. The servers saw her and opened their mouths to say hello, but Elsa just gave them a tiny wave, trying to signal she didn't have time to stop and chat. They appeared a little thrown off but that seemed about right. Anna usually chatted and was a beaming ray of sunshine to all the staff. Elsa didn't have the time or the energy to do so.

It was upon leaving the kitchen with the pitcher that she was vaguely aware she had Anna's bedhead going on for her and she never let staff see her like that. Oops.

She was making her way for the stairs when she heard a greeting called her way. "Queen Anna! My, I didn't expect to catch you this morning!"

Menander. Of course it was Menander, so early catching her leaving the kitchen when she was in a hurry. And yet, she couldn't pretend she didn't hear him so she stopped and turned. "Hello Menander!" she said with a smile. "You're...you're up early."

"As are you!" Menander was dressed in an excessively large robe. It was a deep red with lines embroidered around the bottom to resemble lighter red flames. On the chest of his rob was the runic letter Wyn in black. It looked brand new, and Elsa couldn't shake the feeling he had chosen that morning to show it off for some reason.

That man was very odd. "Sort of. I woke up thirsty and I won't be able to get the rest of the sleep I need if I don't take care of that," she said lamely.

"Ah, I think a portion of your staff and people could stand to do the same," he said with a chuckle. "I've hardly seen anyone else awake, which means the party was enjoyed."

"Something like that." She didn't want everyone out of it for the day when the world kept going and there were still discussions to be had and papers to be signed. But perhaps it could buy her and Anna more time to get going. Elsa felt fine, but...

"Are you taking water to your sister?"

"Huh? Oh.." she had started to space out. Maybe she was a little hungover.

He motioned to the pitcher. "Lots of water for one person."

"Yes." Elsa nodded. Would it matter much if she mentioned they shared the bed? They had many times before, so...

"I will let you get back to her as I ask the kitchen about a special breakfast," Menander said, bowing his head. "Please tell Elsa I said hello."

Elsa had been worked up to defend Anna passing out in her room, but Menander didn't even question it. As a result she remembered his words from the night before and suddenly felt the need to ask him a question. She called out as he started to turn. "Wait, Menander! Can I ask you something?"

He whirled right back around to regard her with a wide grin. "Of course, fair queen! What would you ask of me?"

Why was he so dramatic? "Well, it's a little strange but you see I...Olaf found this book and I couldn't quite answer him, and all your talk of twin flames yesterday morning..." She took a deep breath as she rambled much like Anna. "True love is the most powerful force in the world, right?"

"Powerful doesn't do it justice!" Menander expressively waved his hand. "It is the most beautiful force, the most awe-inspiring, sometimes the most painful and the most terrifying! It is a limitless power!"

"Okay...but what if...what if true love doesn't break a spell? What if love is definitely the key, but somehow it isn't working?"

"The answer still lies in true love, dear queen!"

Elsa tried to hide her irritation at that response. "But the true love, it's there, it's expressed, but it isn't working. The power of the spell still remains. The love is strong, but could it possibly not be strong enough?" Her heart ached at those last few words.

"Nonsense." Menander shook his head. "It is plenty strong, it just begs for a secret to come forth, or for a hurt to be understood. It calls for a balance."

At those words her mind was already working. When Anna learned of her powers and Elsa ran away, love still persisted as Anna reached out to find her pain, to try and soothe it, and to eventually save her. Elsa loved her then strongly too, but it was Anna who settled it all with her persistance and actions.

Was she as capable as her loving Anna?

"Huh. So something needs to be...learned, and done, or..."

"Perhaps simply understood, since some things cannot be changed." Menander shrugged. "Ah but that is merely what I have come to learn. Maybe this book that you - ah, Olaf - has an answer hidden deep in it. You just need to take your time reading."

"Hmm." Elsa stared at him, and then sighed. "Thank you, Menander. I-I better get back up with this pitcher," she said.

"Of course," he said, nodding his head to her again. "I hope to see you later this morning as we prepare to travel home!" he told her, turning away slowly, smiling at her as he did. "But if you so desire to spend every moment with your true love, I more than understand." And with that, he walked away.

Elsa turned his words over in her head, wishing she could get a firm grasp on them. There was something yet to be understood and balanced, but she had no clue what. Elsa was smart enough to know there was pain of the past to overcome. But as she recognized that and would be stepping up to the issues, why did the swap persist?

Her mind was working hard even as she entered the bedroom. Anna was laying down on her back, her eyes half closed. "Anna?" Elsa asked quietly as she approached the bed.

"Mmm I started falling back asleep...but head is throbbing..." Anna said weakly.

"I bet it is." Elsa rounded the bed to the nightstand, watching her step around Anna's snowpuke. It had some discoloration near the bottom and she had to look away quickly. "Sit up and have some water," she said as she poured a glass. She held it to Anna who groaned as she sat up.

"How long were you gone? It felt like a long time!"

Elsa laughed. "Not long at all. I happened across Menander and didn't want to be rude so I greeted him."

"Oh." Anna gulped down half her glass at once. "Did he look as bad as me?"

"You look fine."

"You have to say that, it's your face," Anna said with a little grin, followed by a cringe. "Ow, head."

"You always look beautiful to me, Anna, you know this," Elsa told her as she studied her own hungover features. That didn't even look like her! Surely she didn't look that dopey. "He looked fine."

Anna blushed. "Oh...I guess he didn't drink much."

"Maybe." Elsa had poured her own glass, drinking it slowly. "Anna if you're not well when I have to get up, please stay here. I know you want to stick next to me but I don't want you feeling even sicker."

Anna stopped in the middle of gulping more water and looked at her with wide eyes. "But..but Elsa!"

Elsa stepped closer to stroke her head. "I won't be going anywhere. I'll just be doing your queenly duties, you know that. And I'll check on you." She didn't want Anna to end up taking herself out harder by forcing herself to tag along.

"..." Anna looked at her glass instead. "As soon as I feel better I'm tagging along!" she declared.

"Of course." Elsa watched Anna finish her water and set her own glass down too, nearly done with it. She crawled onto the bed and over Anna very carefully. The bruise on her hip had begun to hurt. She lowered herself to the bed she could already feel Anna's hands on her arm and side, bringing her closer. It was adorable. Elsa smiled at Anna, letting her sister roll on her side and pull her closer. She draped herself over her and Elsa looked at her face. It was maybe an inch away. "You feel okay laying like that?"

"It helps, actually," Anna said as she wiggled closer. She closed her eyes and let out a happy sigh.  If it worked, it worked, and Elsa wasn't going to stop her.

While Anna fell asleep, Elsa still didn't. She was so troubled! How was she supposed to figure anything out...Anna had been pretty honest with her the night before but that was under the influence of alcohol and she wasn't into getting her drunk just to talk to her. That didn't seem right.

She laid there for a while before the light poured in generously and she knew it was time to wake for her duties. Anna was still out. "Anna..." Elsa said her name quietly and gently shook her shoulder. "Anna I need to get up."

"None for me, thanks, just the flowers" Anna muttered in her sleep and didn't budge.

Elsa quieted a chuckle and stroked her face. "Anna, I'm going to move, okay?"

When there was nothing but a little sound, Elsa carefully moved herself away. The loss of Anna's touch was rough and her bruises throbbed, but she got herself going. Anna settled into the bed with a light groan and a frown but she didn't wake up.

She was adorable.

Elsa smiled at her and brought the blankets back up over her before she quietly moved on to select a dress. She chose a light and gorgeous dress similar to what Anna had worn when they had searched for a tradition on that holiday a couple years prior. The dress she chose had splashes of a nice pink along the sleeves and on the torso, narrowly escaping being an eyesore. Elsa combed out her hair and tied it back in a braid again. She wanted to leave it down but thought better of it.

When she was ready for the day, she crept up to Anna and leaned down. She kissed her on the cheek and nuzzled her. "I will see you later, my darling," she whispered in her ear.

Then the day started. It was miserable.

Elsa could not focus one bit.

The whole day and night before was a whirlwind for her and she found herself going over all of it, from the happy parts to the worried parts. She'd decided to stay, and on that she wasn't wavering. How would the other spirits react? Would the Northuldra see it as an insult? In her heart she did feel everyone would understand. It was time for her to depart from Ahtohallan as her home. However the anxious part of her buzzed loudly in her skull.

If only Anna were right there with her, as she signed papers. If only Anna were with her as she went over a trade route with her council. If only Anna were there as she finally sat down to a late breakfast by herself and poked idly at the waffles served to her.

All she had to do was look into her eyes and she knew her decision was solid and true.

But Anna wasn't there, so Elsa sipped her hot tea while hoping her beloved would wake up soon to join her.

Just then she heard the door to the dining room and looked up hopefully. In about half a second she realized the footsteps didn't match at all and she spied Olaf running in to join her. "Oh, good morning Olaf!" she greeted him.

"Hi!" He waved a stick hand and kept going to the table. He pulled himself into a chair right across from Elsa so he could face her. "Where's Anna?" he asked her.

"In bed. She was not feeling too well," Elsa told him, wondering how she felt now.

"Oh! ...Oooh." Olaf frowned. "Sorry. I should have stopped bringing her drinks, but she was having fun," he said, giving Elsa a guilty look.

"She also could have stopped herself from drinking them at any time. Besides, it wasn't just the drinks, it was-"

"-the cheese?" Olaf finished and laughed when Elsa nodded. "Kristoff had to start reminding her not to have wine and cheese because it didn't combine well for her."

"I didn't know that." She really didn't! It alarmed Elsa and puzzled her to realize she didn't know something about her sister. She thought she knew everything. Then again, before she left for the forest, she could imagine Anna didn't really want to be seen when sick off alcohol and cheese.

"It...oh I did it again! Too late now. It embarrassed her so she hid it from everyone until Kai caught her throwing up one morning. Wait." Olaf squinted. "She's in your body, do you get sick from it?"

"Sometimes...if I eat a lot of one and drink a lot of the other," Elsa said and sighed. Either body was going to have trouble with all that she guessed but not knowing still bothered her. "I hope she feels better soon."

Olaf was still studying her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes...?" she lied.

"No you're not. I can tell because you aren't eating at all! What's wrong?" he prodded.

"Uh, well..." Elsa hesitated, but she knew she could trust Olaf. He said a lot of strange things, sometimes too much, but he still didn't share her secrets. "I'm very worried about her. Olaf, something is keeping us from changing back, and I think it's Anna's sadness, but I don't...I don't know how to get to the bottom of that. You felt yesterdays happiness."

Olaf laughed and closed his eyes for a long second. "Yes, I did," he finally answered as he reopened them. "It was wonderful!"

Elsa smiled back at him, glancing down at the tabletop before she continued. "That in mind, I don't understand what's going on. Anna was so happy you could feel it in you. I could feel it. We talked last night and-and stuff." Olaf didn't need to hear the details of their kissing. "I've never felt quite this happy, even when I've ridden Nokk across a quiet frozen ocean. Anna is my world and why I was able to-to grow." Anna was her key to everything.

"I think this is the happiest Anna has ever been, too. I mean I only knew her after you freaked out and made me, but she's even happier than she was for those three years!"

"Those three years..." A small portion of both their lives. "And...after that? Kristoff has already told me some, and Anna did herself last night. I thought she got out what she needed to."

"Did she talk about the cave?" Olaf asked abruptly.

"Huh? Oh, you mean when...well, we did talk about it at one point months ago. I apologized. I felt awful, I still feel awful." Her heart ached for the time Anna had spent in the cave she spoke of. It sounded cold, wet, and terrible. She felt like a monster for what she had put her through...

"But how much did she say?" Olaf tilted his head a little. "Anna was destroyed...I mean I was, um, well I wasn't there. But I still know that."

Elsa nodded slowly. Her stomach hurt and she couldn't even touch her tea. "Yes..."

Olaf just looked at her for a minute. He seemed to be internalizing, trying to make his thoughts into words. "Anna told me a few weeks ago. She wanted to give up in the cave. She still wanted to give up after the forest was free, before she saw you again."

"Give up..." Elsa's blood suddenly felt ice cold.

"I don't know exactly what she meant," Olaf told her with concerned eyes. "Maybe she didn't mean what you think she did. But if you hadn't returned alive, she would never be okay again. I know that."

"But Anna is so strong. She doesn't need me to be able to continue forward with her life." Even as she said it, she knew it wasn't true. Anna was indeed strong, she persevered and she pushed on every day! At the same time, Anna's energy was wrapped forever in her own. With their souls brutally ripped apart Anna would have no hope. No future. Though Elsa came back that day she damaged Anna forever.

She wanted to throw up.

"Without you she's been so sad."

"I know," Elsa said as her head spun. She would never leave Anna, but she could never repair what she had done. What if she did hurt her again? She felt like a copy of herself. Elsa was unable to focus on anything, almost unable to breath when a stick hand touched her own.

Olaf waited until she looked up at him. "Hey. You can't change what happened. The past is in the past."

"But it still hurts. It still hurts Anna...I hurt Anna."

"Not anymore?" It was a question and a hopeful one, but so naive it made her even more anxious.

Elsa could only shrug. "I hope not. I don't want to. I want to make sure the rest of her life is beautiful and that she we always feel loved." She wanted to spend all her time giving Anna the dedication she deserved, make up for everything. "I want to beg her forgiveness for all I've put her through..."

"You know she'll give you that." Olaf stated it simply as he gave her a bright look.

"I know." She didn't deserve it. But she would do what she could to earn it. Starting with...oh no! "The fire!"

Olaf jumped and his eye widened. "Fire!? Where? What fire? I'll get the guards!"

"No, no Olaf." Elsa got to her feet quickly. "I meant to start a fire for her in the room and forgot. I know she doesn't feel the cold but it's still peaceful, it's...I forgot! How could I do that," she was annoyed at herself. All that talk of making Anna feel good, and she had forgotten to do that. While she knew Anna would not be bothered about it, she didn't like how she felt about forgetting.

"Oh, oooh go do that!" Olaf said, waving her off. "I'll take care of the dishes!"

"Okay!" Elsa said, smoothing her dress down. "I'm going to- I'm going to do that. And Olaf, thank you," she said honestly. She owed him. "Thank you so much..."

"The fire!"

"Right!" Elsa smiled and rushed off, not even thinking about whatever she had to do next. Take care to put out royal documents she needed delivered, maybe? She'd get to it. For the time being she needed to take care of Anna and see if she could get her talking, see what more she could dig into.

When she arrived at the room she got an unfortunate sight. All of her energy dropped out of her and she sagged in the doorway.

Anna wasn't in bed and the room was empty.

[paperbagforclothes]

Skincare Tips That May Help You Boost Your Skin

http://heei.info/threads/53248-Hieu-qua-cua-cam-thao-trong-viec-de-lam-trang-da.html You are considering learning more about healthy skin care. With so many details available on the Internet, it is difficult to restrict what is genuine and exactly what is trash can. On this page we offers you high quality tips and tricks that could just meet your needs. Cleaning meals and preparing food devices are anything anyone does and the plate cleaning soap can easily dry out both your hands. Choosing a dish cleansing soap using a hydrating solution or keeping a bottle of moisturizer near your home kitchen sink can resolve the problem fully. Employing mitts whilst washing recipes also works. You need to maintain your skin treatment merchandise in a chilly environment, especially during the summer time time. Whenever you implement comfortable goods on your skin, your skin could easily get flushed, plus your hot epidermis is a perfect setting for your bacterias that have been on your own convenience to succeed. With frosty merchandise, you lessen the eliminating and maintain bacterias from dispersing. In case your mouth appearance chapped, will not lick them or moisturize them. What appear like free of moisture lip area happens to be an contamination a result of fungus. Use a cream made up of prescription antibiotics on your own mouth routinely to prevent the infection. In case you have chapped mouth area, licking them will simply cause them to dryer. Utilize a chap adhere instead. Guys have much oilier skin and much bigger skin pores than ladies do. Consequently it is vital for them to always keep their epidermis clean. Strong cleaning up regularly is necessary. In case you are a man, then individuals greater skin pores should be washed out constantly, to help keep your skin layer looking clear. In order to avoid soreness and cracked capillaries inside your face, prevent subjecting your skin to severe heating. The warmth causes improved blood circulation on the peripheral locations within your body, which includes your skin of your deal with. The important thing regions to prevent are saunas and steam bedrooms, which get much warmer than any normal very hot working day.

Washing your face making use of warm water although cleaning is able to reduce irritability of delicate pores and skin. Your pores close up if you are using frosty water, capturing microorganisms, oils and debris. Water which is too very hot could keep the face reddish colored and blotchy. Employing tepid to warm water enables the skin pores to start without having triggering skin area discomfort. Making the most of the volume of sleep at night you obtain every night is essential to appropriate healthy skin care. If you do not get sufficient sleep, your skin will produce an overabundance of oil and expand your skin pores. Try out gonna your bed half an hour sooner than regular and getting to sleep in half an hour in the future. This added sleeping will enhance the overall appearance of your skin. Should you be looking at products to lessen soreness, steer clear of products with lots of components. The significantly less parts the greater in terms of contra--soreness goods. Search for items that have Aloe-vera juices because it is quite effective at guarding your skin layer and lowering swelling. To maintain your skin healthier and soft, call rear that hot bath to a a lot more average temperature. A lengthy and steamy warm bath is fantastic treatment for the occasional muscle tissue pains and aches. But after a while, prolonged warm baths can deprive normal skin oils from the skin area, drying out it all out prematurely. For daily cleansing, keep your bath short along with the water temperature establish to perfectly warm. After, utilize a smooth, soft cloth to delicately blot dried up. It is important to provide you with sufficient Vitamin E, that can be found in several food items places like avocados, in order to make certain your skin stays delicate and pliable. Should you not get enough, the skin could fracture and also be prone to infection along with other problems. Keep your skin wholesome by eliminating make-up with a merchandise that includes a very good balance of alcohol as well as other components. Some makeup removal merchandise is fundamentally rubbing alcohol using a few other chemical compounds, that is as well tough for almost all kinds of skin. Instead, locate a makeup products removing product which both has much less liquor or otherwise contains an ingredient which moisturizes or nourishes your skin. Simply having the capacity to pronounce each of the elements with your face and body goods implies that you'll be more likely to spot ingredients that inflame your epidermis. A switch to normal products indicates your hard earned dollars will go a lengthier way, and your skin area is only going to soak up all-natural products. Bear in mind, the things you put it in is what you escape anything, and your pores and skin is definitely the biggest body organ in your entire body. Get a air humidifier. You may may have learned that certain temperature ranges can be unhealthy for your epidermis. Extreme heating or chilly, can harm or dry your skin. Dryness inside the atmosphere can be just like harming. In case you are experiencing difficulity keeping your epidermis searching its finest, a humidifier can be a great investment. You should use avocado on dry skin that's tough to control. Mash avocado right into a heavy, paste-like regularity and use it directly to by far the most difficult regions. Rinse it away following 20 mins to show a healthier and better complexion. To sum it up, there is a lot of knowledge on the net to examine and discover what is legit. With a little luck you not only found this useful resource valuable but you learned something new about skin treatment. Together with the suggestions that people provided and a few self enthusiasm, you must not be much off of from being an specialist.

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When To Start Using Lotion On The Tattoo

Well, different people have different opinions about it. It is because each body is unique and reacts differently to the healing process. But, good aftercare is vital for having the best outcome. Different tattoo artists will give different aftercare instructions as per their client’s skin type. Here in this post, we will discuss when to start using lotion on Tattoo in general.

Here we go……

When to start using lotion on Tattoo?

Some tattoo artists recommend applying lotion to the area after the first wash. At the same time, others suggest that you leave your Tattoo for 24 hours before applying any lotion. This varies from person to person, as each person has a different skin type. In the case of extra sensitive skin types, tattoo artists recommend to leave it for one day.

How to use lotion on Tattoo?

Once you know when to apply lotion on the Tattoo, you have to focus on the right way to apply lotion on your Tattoo. There has to be a balance. Applying too much lotion and too little lotion is incorrect. Some people use too much lotion in order to speed up the healing process, which doesn’t happen, of course. While others simply do not follow a routine, both the situations are harmful to your Tattoo’s health.

When you apply a too thick layer of lotion, it suffocates the area where the Tattoo lies. And when you don’t care for your Tattoo, your skin starts to form scabs or infections. So, the key to moisturizing is balance. You have to have a balance to get the best outcomes. Apply a thin layer of lotion or ointment after each wash. Also, it is imperative to wash your Tattoo with warm water. Doing so will let you have great results.

When to apply lotion to Tattoo?

Usually, it is recommended to apply lotion to your Tattoo at least three times a day – Morning, Afternoon, and Evening. Doing so will keep your Tattoo well moisturized, well-hydrated, and in good condition, thereby speeding up the healing process. Here is when to apply

Morning:

When you wake up in the morning, you will find your Tattoo is dry and tight. It is because when you sleep, your body becomes dehydrated. That is why applying lotion first thing is mandatory. So, when you wake up while bathing, clean your Tattoo, pat dry the area, and after that, apply lotion. It will help to relax the area immediately.

Afternoon:

As the day will pass, your Tattoo will begin to dry up again. Therefore, it’s necessary to apply lotion to the area one more time. But make sure you clean the Tattoo each time before using the ointment. Applying newer layers of cream over the older layer can clog the pores of the skin. This, in turn, increases the chances of infection.

Evening:

Clean your Tattoo before you hit the bed, pat dry the area, and apply lotion. It will ensure that your Tattoo is well hydrated even when you sleep.

How to Clean your Tattoo

The first thing you need to do after removing your Tattoo bandage is – Wash your Tattoo. Make sure you use a mild antibacterial soap to clean your Tattoo, such as H2Ocean Blue Green Foam Soap. As said earlier, newly inked tattoos should be cleaned three times a day. Here is how to clean your Tattoo:

Wash your hands thoroughly.

Then, apply foam cleanser or natural ingredient soap to the newly tattooed area with clean hands.

Now, gently rub soap or cleanser into Tattoo and surrounding area.

Gently wipe off the cleanser from the area with a clean paper towel.

Pat dry the area (do not rub at all)

Wait for some time and then apply the lotion or ointment.

Tattoo Aftercare Tips

1. Avoid cleaning your Tattoo with hard water as it can cause the skin to dry out quickly.

2. Avoid direct exposure to the sun; it can cause skin irritation and allergic reactions to the tattoo ink.

3. Avoid water activities when your Tattoo is in the healing stage. All water games and activities, such as swimming, sauna, etc. should be avoided. Staying too much in water can be detrimental to your tattoo ink.

4. Avoid using harsh or chemical-based aftercare products on your Tattoo. Chemical-based products can lead to allergic reactions, rashes, etc. That is why it is recommended to use only natural and organic products on the skin.

Also See: How Long Does A Tattoo Take To Heal?

5. Avoid rubbing, scratching, and peeling your Tattoo. You may feel itchy while your Tattoo is healing, but it is okay; it is natural, and you have to avoid scratching your Tattoo. Otherwise, you will end up having distorted body artwork.

6. Avoid smoking, alcohol, and any other kind of drug. Consuming alcohol or smoking too much can hamper the healing process.

7. Avoid wearing body hugging clothes as it can also cause irritation or skin reactions.

8. Avoid doing nothing. You need to take excellent care of your Tattoo in order to have the best outcomes, so it’s imperative not to miss to follow the routine.

The 7 Best Tattoo After Care Lotions

There is a wide range of aftercare lotions and ointments to choose from. However, you have to make sure that you buy only natural and non-scented products. Even your artist will recommend some specific lotion and soap, but if you don’t want to buy them, here is a list of the best tattoo aftercare lotions.

1. After Inked Tattoo Moisturizer & Aftercare Lotion

After Inked’s moisturizer is 100% vegan and tested by dermatologists to be no allergenic, the lotion features grapeseed oil, known to boost healing. It is mild and can be used on new tattoos and piercings. It is suitable for all skin types. You can buy it online.

2. Urban ReLeaf TATTOO SKIN SILK:

Urban ReLeaf TATTOO SKIN SILK is made with holistic remedies, like raw Shea Butter, Rosemary, lavender, and Tea Tree Oil. All the essential oils used in Skin Silk are naturally antimicrobial. It is gentle on the skin and alleviates pain and itching, as well. This is a hypoallergenic lotion that doesn’t have Lanolin or Petroleum in it. You can buy this tattoo aftercare moisturizer online.

3. H2Ocean Ocean Care Tattoo Aftercare

H2Ocean is a water-based lotion that doesn’t contain artificial components like Petroleum or perfume in it. However, it contains parabens. This fragrance-free formula features ingredients like aloe, Vitamin E, and jojoba oil, and is gentle on the skin that keeps your Tattoo moisturized. You can buy it online.

4. Tattoo Goo Renew Enhancing Lotion SPF 30

Tattoo Goo’s sunscreen is a mighty product to use outdoors; however, it’s not considered ideal for long hours in intense sunlight. It contains Vitamins and Olive Oil. And is known to promote the healing process. In fact, it makes older tattoos look more vibrant and colorful. It’s quite gentle on the skin; you can use it on a day-to-day basis. You can buy it online.

5. Lubriderm Tattoo Daily Care Water-Based Lotion

Lubriderm Tattoo Daily Care Water-Based Lotion is one of the best tattoo aftercare lotions. It keeps your Tattoo moisturized for twenty-four hours after you apply it. It is made of Vitamin B5 and soybean extract, which helps the tattooed skin to heal faster. Moreover, it is free of artificial fragrances and is not greasy.

6. Ora’s Amazing Herbal Tattoo Salve

It is a wonder cream for your newly etched Tattoo! Ora’s tattoo salve contains grape seed oil, comfrey, coconut oil, calendula, and other organic ingredients. It doesn’t have dyes, parabens, artificial fragrances, Lanolin, gluten, or mineral oil. Just a thin layer of Ora’s Tattoo Salve to new tattoos is enough to speed up healing. It not only prevents itching but also it makes your ink look vibrant. Again, it doesn’t clog pores. The mild fragrance comes from the essential oils of rosemary, tea tree, and cedar. You can buy it online!

7. Tattoo Goo Salve Aftercare Ointment

Tattoo Goo salve aftercare ointment is made up of natural ingredients that heal your Tattoo faster. It is an excellent ointment for your skin. It helps to heal damaged, scraped, chapped, sun, or windburned skin. Tattoo Goo contains herbs, oils, and vitamins and is known for its natural healing properties. This ointment allows newly tattooed skin to breathe and helps to soothe the Tattoo as it heals. It is Lanolin free, Petroleum free, and mineral oil-free. You can quickly get it online.

Summing it up……

I hope this post helped you know when to start using lotion on Tattoo. Remember that the simple act of moisturizing can eliminate any discomfort and risk associated with a freshly inked tattoo. Following the right tattoo care regime initially will help you have a vibrant tattoo even after many years. Failing to do this will lead to unappealing and distorted tattoo ink. Trust, unappealing tattoos are hard to get rid of and affect one’s confidence adversely. So, it is better to take excellent care of your Tattoo and have the best outcomes!

Happy Tattooing…. ☺ ☺