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umlewis · 1 month ago

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Lewis Hamilton: I've Struggled With Depression From A Very Early Age

From Formula One glory to making a film with Brad Pitt, at 39, the sports star is more successful than ever. It's been tough, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

Sir Lewis Hamilton is the most successful Formula 1 driver in history, with 105 (at the time of writing) grand prix victories to his name, as well as seven championships and a knighthood in 2021. What makes this achievement even more extraordinary is Hamilton's background. He is the first and only black man to race in F1, a sport dominated by the gilded progeny of wealthy white families. A child of mixed heritage-his father, Anthony, is of Grenadian descent; his mother, Carmen, is a white woman from Birmingham-Hamilton was partly raised on a council estate in Stevenage, his family sacrificing so much to get him to the track. "I am grateful I had that experience. I remember not having any money. I remember the struggle of my parents. I feel that's an advantage," he says. "Did you fight harder on the track because it was so tough for you to get there," I ask. "One thousand per cent," he replies. We are meeting at the Kensington Roof Gardens (Hamilton has a home in London, as well as Monaco, Geneva, Colorado and New York). He is a vision in expensive beige: Maison Margiela slacks, chunky Bottega Veneta boots, a Dries Van Noten cardigan, Dior bracelets, Cartier rings, a pearl necklace he bought online, twinkly little studs, one for each side of his nose, his hands a collage of geometric tattoos. But his love of fashion goes beyond amassing a "dream" wardrobe. He has collaborated with Tommy Hilfiger on several collections and has just been made guest designer at Dior, for whom he has a debut collection coming this autumn, the palette for which was inspired by his travels in Africa, particularly Nigeria. Hamilton agrees it's a busy time for him. At the end of this season he will be moving to Ferrari, after twelve years with Mercedes. "It's been a rollercoaster of emotions from the moment I signed the contract. Telling my boss, that was terrifying. But it's so exciting because I remember as a kid watching Michael. Every driver watches that car and you're like, 'What would it be like to sit in the red cockpit?'" He is a quiet presence, boyish almost, despite his 39 years. He uses euphemisms for swearwords such as "frick" and "shoot." He doesn't drink, is "plant-based," and loves hanging out with his nieces and nephew, playing Uno and Fortnite, chucking them about in the pool on holiday. "I'm really good with the kids," he says, setting aside his oat latte. "With them I feel like I'm able to be the kid that I am."

Hamilton's own childhood was not so carefree. His parents separated when he was two, his father meeting his new wife, Linda, at British Rail, where they both worked. Sundays with his dad were spent watching Formula 1. This was the era of the talismanic Brazilian driver Ayrton Senna, Hamilton's hero. It was during a holiday in Ibiza that he first got in a go-kart. "I was hooked," he says. "The adrenaline, the chaos, trying to control it. You feel it in your chest, your emotions, through your fingers, everything." Hamilton's dad bought him a kart for Christmas when he was eight. "I think he just wanted something to do with me, this kid that had all this energy, that had no fear." He describes himself, back then, as a "Tasmanian devil," a child who didn't enjoy school, who had undiagnosed dyslexia, who was shy - but behind the wheel "something flowed through me. It was the only thing I was confident in." The family began to orientate their existence around Hamilton's racing, his father taking extra jobs, while his stepmum spent all her savings on his new passion. Hamilton won his first race when he was ten. "That was really empowering for me," he says, 'Because I was competing against a lot of wealthier families."

It was also around this time that Senna died, his car crashing into a concrete barrier during the San Marino Grand Prix. "I was with my dad; we were working on the go-kart. I remember going to the front and crying, bawling my eyes out. I couldn't cry in front of my dad. He was not that kind of guy." Hamilton suppressed his grief, in the same way that he suppressed his emotions about the bullying and racism he endured. "There was no escaping it. You experience it at school, in the parks, walking through town. I didn't understand it and my parents never spoke to me about it. They never explained what was going on. My dad was just, 'Keep your head down, hold it in, don't say anything, just beat them on the track, that's all you can do.'" So that was what he did. When Hamilton was thirteen he was offered a place on the McLaren driver development team. His father became his manager, looking after all elements of his career, including finance. "Even when I got to Formula 1, at 22, I had no comprehension of money," he says. Hamilton's first F1 season was in 2007, his first championship win in 2008. But despite all that it gave him, despite his deep love of the sport, of competing, Hamilton found the world of F1 corporate and stifling. There was a requirement to conform, a residual feeling that just one misstep and the opportunities he had been given would be taken away. "It wasn't until I'd had some wins that I started to put my toe out of the box. Each time it was, like, you make one step and that rock's safe, but that next one was wobbly or would fall away. You'd get criticism about how you were presenting yourself. But I kept punching and kept fighting." Racing, like so much competitive sport, can be a lonely business. "You're nice and friendly outside the car," Hamilton says, "but in the car my dad would say you have to be ruthless, aggressive, sharp. In the car there are no friends." He found greater freedom, a sense of belonging and camaraderie, in the fashion world, attending his first show in 2007. "Everyone was wearing what they wanted. You didn't feel like you were being judged because everyone's on their own vibe. It was the first time I got into an environment where everyone was expressing themselves and I loved it."

Hamilton tried to bring some of that creative freedom to his professional life. In 2010 he sacked his father as manager. "Obviously parents try to protect their kids, forever I guess, and some don't want to let go. My dad struggled with that. There was a point when I was like, 'Look, I've done everything you've asked me to do, now let me live my life. I am going to have to make my own mistakes.' That was a really tough process." At the end of the 2012 season he left McLaren for Mercedes. "They gave me a lot more freedom," he says. He became involved in the look of the team, bringing in Hilfiger to help redesign the clothing. "But still if I felt there were wrongdoings, I didn't feel I could speak out." That all changed in 2020, when Hamilton watched a video of the murder of George Floyd by the policeman Derek Chauvin. "The cork popped. It had me on my knees in tears. All this emotion came out. It was such a strange experience because I don't remember crying since I was really young. I knew that I'd had enough, I really needed to speak out. There are people that are staying silent, people that feel voiceless, and I have this platform. Winning championships is an amazing thing, but what are you doing with it? What are you doing with your time on this planet?" These were the questions that Hamilton began asking himself during that pandemic year, which was also when he started meditating. "I would struggle initially to calm my mind, but it's a really great way of getting in touch with myself, my inner feelings, understanding what I want to do." These days he meditates every morning, waking at five, following this with a ten km run, which he sees as an extension of his meditation, a time to have ideas, to clear his mind.

"When I was in my twenties I had some really difficult phases. I mean, I’ve struggled with mental health through my life." What are we talking, I ask. Anxiety, depression? "Depression. From a very early age, when I was, like, thirteen . I think it was the pressure of the racing and struggling at school, the bullying. I had no one to talk to." I ask if he has ever seen a therapist. "I spoke to one woman, years ago, but that wasn't really helpful. I would like to find someone today." He has gone on silent retreats and reads books about mental health, including The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. "You're learning about things that have been passed down to you from your parents, noticing those patterns, how you react to things, how you can change those. So what might have angered me in the past doesn't anger me today. I am so much more refined." The year 2020 was a time of profound personal change. Hamilton took the knee before every race he entered that year. He advocated for change within his industry, initiating the Hamilton Commission to research the underrepresentation of black people in UK motorsport and the STEM sector. Using this information, he launched Mission 44, a charity to help young people around the world overcome social injustice, investing £20 million (he is worth an estimated £350 million) into the project.

He also started moving into other spheres with greater purpose, including fashion and music. He developed a non-alcoholic drink, Almave, and set up a film production company. "I want to be able to tell diverse stories. Film has changed my life. There is so much inspiration I have received," he says. One of his first co-productions is F1, the upcoming movie with Brad Pitt and a more diverse vision of the circuit, including a female technical director. "That was important to me. I lived with my dad, but I was really raised by my two mums and my two sisters. I grew up around a lot of female energy, powerful women. Most of the people on my team are women. The women hold it down." And, of course, there is Pitt playing a driver in his fifties. "That was a tricky part for me," Hamilton says, "because, shoot, of course we want Brad. But I was like, there is no way a 58 year old can compete with a twenty year old. These guys have got nothing going on but to race. And they're fit. So we had to work around this narrative, telling him how much harder he would have to train to get in shape." Hamilton himself is old for an F1 driver, most of whom retire in their thirties. His replacement at Mercedes, the Italian Kimi Antonelli, has only just turned eighteen. You could be his dad, I say, and Hamilton laughs like this hadn't actually occurred to him. "Honestly, right now I feel I'm healthier than I've ever been," he says. "I'm in such a good place, physically and mentally. My reaction times are still quicker than the young guys. I think I'm a better driver than I was at 22. I was just young, energetic and ruthless, but no finesse, no balance. I didn't know how to be a team player, how to be a leader. Being a good racing driver, it's not just about being fast. It's about being the most rounded. When I study the legends, they're spread between small percentages, so it's the whole package. What do they speak for, stand for? That's what I look at. I look to Ayrton Senna and Nelson Mandela, and those are the two people gelled together that I want to be."

Senna used to cross himself before every race. Like him, Hamilton was raised a Catholic. "I pray every time before I race," he says. "I pray that everyone is safe." Motor racing is far less dangerous than it used to be, but people still die. I ask Hamilton if he fears death when he drives. "I don't, no," he says. "But still, we're traveling at crazy speeds. You have to respect it. So that's why I'm conscious of the time I spend with my family, with my mum. Is this the last time I get to hug her? Because you just don't know. Nothing is guaranteed." Hamilton is single, but he would like to have a family. "One day. I wouldn't be able to do what I do to the level that I do it today with that. One of my best friends has just had a kid and I'm seeing how manic it is. And my nieces and nephew are a handful. There will be a time and a place for it, and I can't wait for that part. But right now I have some work to do."

#lewis hamilton #f1 #formula 1 #fic ref #fic ref 2024 #not a race #2024 not a race #between singapore and usa 2024 #(note to self: article posted 6 pm bst on sep 28 2024. no idea when actually conducted.)#tw alcohol #tw racism #tw police brutality

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lookingfts · 1 month ago

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Friday Fic Rec 10/4

Thanks as always for your submissions! Titles are links to each fic.

The Swap by VioletTimes

“It’s an AU with an almost Beauty and the Beast type of vibe. The writing is excellent and the slow burn is masterful.”

Description: Anthony Bridgerton is the most powerful Duke in England and likely its next king. But since he came back from the war his reputation is less than stellar. Considered to be both a brilliant strategist and a ruthless monster, all of England is afraid of him and the Sheffield sisters are no exception. So when Edwina is forced to be sent to marry the monstrous Duke, Kate doesn't even hesitate before swapping places to protect her sister from such a horrible fate.

WIP (9/39) - E - 43k words

loyal to what matters by @suitsusboth

“This fic is so well-written! The author is amazing at world-building. It’s a slow burn between Kate and Anthony, but totally worth it.”

Description: Anthony Bridgerton is an outlaw and had been riding with the Brunswick-Lüneburg gang for years now. They are his family-- a family that took him and his siblings in when they had no other place to go. But one big heist gone terribly wrong had them on the run, the law closing in on them like never before. Many forces work against the gang as they try to fix things in the aftermath as they are chased across the states-- gaining and losing friends alike. Loyalty is the cornerstone of their gang. But as things start to unravel, and as the alluring and equally infuriating Kate Sharma starts to shine light on aspects of his lifestyle, Anthony has to figure out what is worth being loyal to... and what it might cost in the end.

WIP (6/?) - M - 52k words

The Air I Breathe and The Bane of My Existence by the_loosest_moose

“Two separate stories, both creative modern takes on season 2's (not the book's) storyline. Also, these are textfics with accessible counterparts, so it took a hell of a lot of work to put these together on top of writing the actual story. I dream of this author coming back to write for this fandom.”

Description (The Air I Breathe): Anthony Bridgerton is a typical NYC hotshot attorney – self-important, tenacious, and highly promiscuous. He’s casually dated for years, but he’s getting older and is thinking about settling down. Enter Kate Sharma. She’s a brilliant special education lawyer, and though she’s entirely career-oriented herself, she’s trying to help her younger sister Edwina get back into the dating scene after ending a long relationship. Anthony and Edwina meet, and Edwina is immediately charmed. Unfortunately, Kate suspects that Anthony is not the kind, gentle person he pretends to be. Though Anthony and Edwina begin dating, things start getting complicated when Anthony and Kate realize they may have feelings for each other.

Complete - E - 61k words (accessible version 94k words)

Description (The Bane of My Existence): Kate Sharma and Anthony Bridgerton both have high stress jobs. When friends/family force each of them to attend a week-long silent meditation retreat to relax, neither takes it seriously (or is very happy about it). After a few flirty exchanges between them, things get steamy, and they try to make the most of their otherwise frustrating week. Though they part ways expecting their time together to have been no more than a fling, when they return home, it becomes apparent that Kate and Anthony aren’t the total strangers they thought they were.

Complete - E - 64k words (accessible version 104k words)

Remember the Time by Anonymous

Description: I read PonderRose's The Son Between Us and wondered how it would play out in the show.

WIP (12/?) - NR - 78k words

Trying not to love and We are family by HarnitBee

Description (Trying not to love): Anthony confronts Kate about their feelings, desperate to not feel anything.

Complete - G - 4k words

Description (We are family): What if the Sheffields weren’t horrible and agreed to the marriage and got Kate's father a post in England?

Complete - G - 10k words

hate to say I told you so by itsthebooks and KyBee1497

Description: A good old fashioned game of Truth or Dare mixed with Seven Minutes in Heaven brings Kate Sharma and Anthony Bridgerton a lot closer to each other than they ever wanted to be.

Complete - E - 9k words

LFTS rec: Weary Memory by @fitrahgolden

I have a difficult time reading divorce fics in general, but I gave this one a shot and I loved it. There’s a bit of angst, but the reasons for the breakup make sense and so does their coming back together. There’s something super sweet about this Kate and Anthony and I’ve revisited it multiple times.

Description: After eleven years of marriage, Kate and Anthony find themselves divorced and co-parenting their three kids.

Complete - M - 20k words

Thanks to those who submitted! This will be a weekly thing, so keep your recs coming! You can find previous weeks under the "lfts fic recs" tag.

#lfts fic recs #bridgerton #kanthony #kate x anthony #anthony x kate #bridgerton fic

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lamaery · 11 months ago

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100 Portraits | Part 6 & 7 These are mostly from my Shallan / Veil and Jasnah references. (With a bit of overspill from my Dalinar page). 39 comes actually really close to how I imagine Shallan.

Part six

36) American actor and former pro-wrestler Dwayne Johnson 37 -38) British-japanese actress and dancer Soyona Mizuno 39 - 41) American actress and model Devon Aoki 42) Japanese singer and songwriter Mariya Takeuchi

Part seven

43) American actress Peyton Elizabeth Lee 44) Japanese shamisen player and vocalist Noriko Tadano 45 - 46) American actress Rosario Dawson 47) British actress Lorena Andrea 48) American actress Julia Jones

As for a link to go with this: Women Who Draw is an open directory of female* illustrators. You can also filter for aspects like ethnicity, location, orientation or religion if you are looking for someone with a specific range of themes, experiences or perspective. Part 1 – Start of the project Part 2 – Kaladin Part 3 & 4 – Adolin and Renarin Part 5 – Dalinar Part 8 & 9 - various people and skin tones Part 10 – a little bit for The Lopen Part 11 & 12 - Wit and Navani Part 13 - ofmd und Dev Patel :)

#cosmere #stormlight archive #art challenge #art practice #portraits #shallan davar #jasnah kholin #references

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visenyaism · 4 months ago

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18, 36, 39

18. A mystery you need solved NOW:

oh i absolutely need to know what happened to Aelora Targaryen to make her do all that. first incest marriage since aegon iv first female heir since rhaenyra kills her brother in an undescribed "grotesque accident" and then herself a year later after being attacked under mysterious circumstances at a masked ball? it's CRAZY

36. What’s something you wish GRRM handled better? (a character/theme/world building etc)

I think having a Dothraki POV or even just developing irri, jhiqui, and rakharo past being setpieces would do SO much for the series. Just comparing the way that the wildlings and nights watch boys are developed in Jon's story versus Dany's supporting cast makes it clear there is a huge orientalism problem and lack of regard for most of the non-Dany characters. Also, like half of all the women characters dying in childbed it was rough out there but it was not THAT prevalent. Have someone slip on a banana peel or have a piano fall on her head give us some variety.

39. Your Drunk History topic (a character/theory/event/etc)

@gay-olorin is probably the one who has seen me do this the most and irl it is usually us 2 drinks in queening about the life and times of brynden bloodraven kissinger rivers. If I got my own entire drunk history episode I would spend it doing the blackfyre rebellions with optional dumb shiera hightower, dragonseed danelle lothston, and challengers (2024) parallels tangents

#asoiaf #will is being a disloyal vassal rn and wont get drunk with me next hotd episode though.

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dumplinsiims · 4 months ago

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Storyline Sim Dump 🤍

Hiiii Plantiesss 🪴

I was feeling really inspired to make some new townies for my save file and thought why not share them with you all! I'm not gonna lie I fell in love with each one of these sims while giving them their backstories. Each of these sims have starter funds, careers, lifestyles, skills and preferences.

Carmelo Paul 🏀 - (age 22) - SBA Player

Newest draft pick for the San Myshuno Titans. Carmelo is an all star athlete. When he's not at practice he loves playing video games and spending time with his new fiancée Cassidy. It has been a bit of an adjustment for the two of them since the signing bonus money has come in and the new found spotlight on them both.

Sporty

Gamer

Ambitious

Light eater

Naturally Funny

Health Food Nut

Energetic

Cassidy Paul 💍 - (age 21) - Stay-at-Home Wife

Cassidy and Carmelo have been lovers since high school and she has been in the bleachers cheering for him ever since. Carmelo's journey to becoming an allstar SBA player allows for her to be a stay-at-home (soon to be) wife. Cassidy enjoys traveling the world for games with Carmelo and in her free time loves baking.

High Maintenance

Baker

Romantic

Cunning

Frequent Traveler

Health Food Nut

Forrest Shipley 🚓 - (age 39) - Detective

Detective Forrest Shipley moves to Del Sol Valley and quickly gains a reputation for solving high-profile cases among the city's elite. Despite the allure of fame, Forrest remains focused on uncovering the truth, driven by a mysterious cold case that led him to the city. Detective Shipley is a workaholic, it is starting to show in his appearance of dark circles around the eyes. He needs to lay off surviving on coffee and 2 hours of sleep.

Nosy

Overachiever

Cheerful

Active

Practice Makes Perfect

Observant

Workaholic

Pinky Burroughs 👠 - (age 20) - Law School Student

Pinky, a Foxbury college student, works as a stripper to pay her way through school. Balancing her studies with late nights at the club, she dreams of a brighter future while navigating the challenges of her double life. Young and exploring her youth and sexuality, Pinky finds that the burden of studying to become a lawyer is impacting her social life, leaving her with little free time. She's torn between continuing her education and the allure of the social media attention she's been receiving since she started dancing.

Dance Machine

Recycle Disciple

Mixologist

Charming

Bookworm

Techie

People Person

Justice Brown 🩺 - (age 30) - Pediatric Specialist

Justice Brown, a dedicated pediatric specialist at Willow Creek General Hospital, juggles her demanding career with raising her four-year-old daughter, Angel. Two years ago, Cameron, Angel's father, left without a word, leaving Justice to navigate single motherhood. Despite the challenges, Justice's love for Angel and her passion for nursing keep her going. She dreams of advancing her career and creating a stable, happy future for her daughter, finding strength in their bond and the support of friends and family.

Love's Children

Introvert

Sincere

Bookworm

Family-Oriented

Sickness Resistance

Single and Loving It

Close-Knit

Coffee Fanatic

Angel Brown 🍼 (age 4)

Angel Brown, at four years old, was a bright ray of sunshine in Justice's life. Independent and well-mannered, she had an angelic voice that filled their home with songs about butterflies and stars. Despite the challenges of single motherhood, Justice found joy in Angel's gentle spirit and love for singing. Together, they created a home filled with laughter, music, and boundless love, where Angel's presence was a beacon of happiness and hope.

Independent

Angelic

Little Singer

Jhené Rios 📸 - (age 24) - Cover Model

Jhené Rios, a top magazine model, is not just known for her beauty but also her peaceful and proper demeanor. With a deep hunger for love, she seeks meaningful connections in a world of glamour. A health food nut and vegetarian, Jhené tends to her own garden, finding peace in nurturing plants. Her life aspiration is inner peace, striving to balance her high-profile career with her serene, wholesome lifestyle.

Peaceful

Green Thumb

Proper

Vegetarian

Hungry for Love

Health Food Nut

Kenji Wolfe 🔪 - (age 26) - Executive Chef

Kenji Wolfe, an executive chef, is a culinary genius known for his relentless work ethic and impeccable skills. A workaholic and foodie, he spends countless hours perfecting his dishes and creating legendary pastries. Despite his demanding career, Kenji is a true "bro" and enjoys sharing meals with friends. His proper demeanor ensures every dish is beautifully presented. With a life aspiration to become a master chef, Kenji is driven by his love for food and the pursuit of culinary excellence, though his noncommittal nature keeps him focused on his career above all else. However, his noncommittal nature does not stop his extra curricular activities in the bedroom. No matter how proper he is, he tends to be a heartbreaker in that aspect.

Bro

Noncommittal

Baker

Proper

Foodie

Workaholic

I reaaallly hope you all enjoy these sims and their backstories! - Please share screenshots and videos of these sims in your game! I would love to see how they come to life in your game! Tag me on all platforms @Dumplinsiims so I can see their shenanigans!

Download them here

#sims #sims 4 #sims 4 cc #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 maxis match #sims 4 cas #sims 4 custom content #sims 4 mods #sim dump #sims 4 screenshots #sims community #sims 4 story #sims story

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lotusflowerbreakingthesurface · 3 months ago

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PingXie Moments Compilation

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝟖𝟏𝟕 𝐃𝐚𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐅𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥!! 🎉

On this special day, let's reminisce about PingXie moments in the book∼ Fanfictions are indeed tasty, but the canon moments are also delicious, right? (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Truthfully, I planned to compile all of them in one post, but I realized that there are too many PingXie moments, I'm afraid if I post them all, I will become a PingXie Bot, thus I picked some moments (and some jokes) that I thought were quite memorable and interesting. It's only 40 moments, it doesn't follow the timeline, perhaps only 80% of them.

Warning: Spoilers! Very long post! CP-oriented post! It's a compilation of PingXie moments in the book, naturally, there are spoilers. I added a little notes/meta/comments/related interviews as supplementary files. And I'm not an expert in the Chinese language (as you already know, I use mtl) so I put the source below, just in case you want to check the Chinese raw or other translations yourself. I apologize in advance if there is any mistake m(_ _)m

(Since there is a limit to insert images, I went with quoting them.)

Sources: Chinese Raw | MereBear's Translation | 瓶邪bot | Original Image by 刘巴布 | Divider by @anitalenia

1. Daomu Biji Vol. 1: Seven Star Lu Palace Chapter 2

As I was talking, I saw a young man walking out of the front door with a long thing on his back that was tightly wrapped in cloth. I knew at first glance that it was an ancient weapon. This thing was indeed very valuable, and if it sold well, the price could go for more than ten times its worth.

Note: In the book, it was their first meeting. But in an old Daomu Biji mobile game, NPSS added this line (it seems that he forgot about it later though):

“The first meeting with Zhang Qiling was not downstairs of Uncle Three's house, but at Wu Xie's full-month celebration, but they both forgot it.” ☆

2. Daomu Biji Vol. 4: Snake Marsh Ghost City (Part II) Chapter 18 | Chapter 47 (MereBear)

He continued, "I am a person without a past and a future. All I do is to find find my connection with this world. Where did I come from and why am I here?" He looked at his hands and said calmly, "Can you imagine that if someone like me disappears from this world, no one will find out, as if I have never existed in this world, without leaving any trace? Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I often doubt whether I really exist or am just a phantom of a person."

I was speechless and thought for a while before saying, "It's not as exaggerated as you say. If you disappear, at least I will find out."

3. Daomu Biji Vol. 6: Ancient Building Under the Dark Mountain Chapter 39

Pangzi gestured for me to ask Men You Ping. I looked at him and heard him say, "About five hours ago, you appeared where you are now, in a deep coma, barely conscious. We gave you a simple first aid, and then five hours later, you woke up."

I waited for Men You Ping to continue speaking, but he shut up.

"That’s it?" I asked in surprise.

"That’s it." He said in a muffled voice.

[....]

Pangzi nodded and said, "Xiaoge and I have been in another cave, which is relatively dry, but I will come here to get water every once in a while. When I found that there was suddenly another person in the cave, I was scared to death, but I recognized you immediately, called Xiaoge, and rescued you together. You were already dead, so if you really need to find someone to save your life, I, Pangye, was still qualified to make a guest appearance. Later, we were afraid that you might have broken bones, so we didn't dare to move and just waited here for you to wake up."

Note: Xiaoge gives Wu Xie mouth-to-mouth resuscitation here. Someone analyzed it and NPSS confirmed it. Here is the analysis:

“If you want to perform CPR on a person who is not breathing without moving the body, the most basic and important thing is artificial respiration. Judging from Pangzi's tone, the whole rescue process was completed by him and Men You Ping. But there is a key word here: "guest appearance". Pangzi did not play the main role in the rescue process. So who played this main role? I think everyone should understand.” ☆

4. Daomu Biji Vol. 6: Ancient Building Under the Dark Mountain Chapter 49

He leaned against the stone wall behind him and said calmly: "He and I can't leave."

"What nonsense are you talking about?" I cursed.

He suddenly smiled at me and said: "Fortunately, I didn't kill you..."

I was stunned. He spat out a mouthful of blood.

"You--" My head buzzed.

He still smiled at me, his head slowly lowered, and sat there, as if he was just taking a rest. However, the surroundings were completely silent.

Note: There once was a typo in the first draft, but it was edited later.

Edited version: “还好，我没有害死你……”

Unedited version: “一汀烟雨杏花寒好，还好，我没有害死你......”

“一汀烟雨杏花寒” comes from an ancient poem “戴叔伦：燕子不归春事晚，一汀烟雨杏花寒”, it describes the scenery of late spring and expresses the feelings of melancholy and separation. ☆

5. Daomu Biji Vol. 7: Stone Shadow in Qiong Cave Chapter 18

Men You Ping did not answer her. Instead, he turned to me and said, "Take me home." Then he walked out without looking back.

6. Daomu Biji Vol 8: The Finale Book 2 Chapter 3 | Part 2 Chapter 54 (MereBear)

I was stunned for a moment, and then froze. At that moment, my mind became blank.

I couldn’t describe the emptiness in my heart. I suddenly didn’t know what I should do.

Dead? You’ve got to be kidding me.

Is he really dead? Hey, what kind of international joke is this?

"Wake up. Let's go home." I patted his face, suddenly finding it all very funny. I turned to Pangzi and laughed. "Look at Xiaoge."

"I know." Pangzi said on the side, his voice was very low.

Then, my hands began to tremble uncontrollably. I looked at my hands and found that there was no sadness in my heart. My consciousness did not react, but my body instinctively felt despair.

I thought to myself, he’s really fucking sitting there, he’s really fucking dead. Men You Ping is really fucking dead!

There were actually such things in this world, and Men You Ping could actually die.

[....]

My instincts were collapsing under the pressure, but all kinds of uncomfortable feelings were still leaking out of the "pressure cooker" of emotions. I felt that I couldn't let my emotions run wild, because if I got sad, I might die here. I feel very strange in my heart, not just sad. I don’t know if others can understand my complicated feelings. First there was despair, then more of a distrust of what I saw. My mind went blank for a long time before all the emotions in my heart came to the surface.

I have always wondered how I would feel if Men You Ping died. I thought that maybe I was extremely sad, or maybe I had thought about it too much and done too much mental preparation, so I became numb and felt that I could totally bear it. Now that it has really happened, it has turned into a strange mood that I can’t even deal with.

After that, I was in a dilemma, not knowing whether I should be sad or pretend to be calm and endure the pain. In the end, the former gradually prevailed. I did nothing beside his body, just stared blankly.

But just when I felt that tears were about to fall, I suddenly saw Men You Ping's hand move and scratch the floor!

Comment: I feel like "Wake up. Let's go home." is the answer to Xiaoge's "Take me home." in the previous moment, don't you think so? And here is the description of Wu Xie's feelings when he thought that Xiaoge died. It's quite long and depressing... T_T

7. Daomu Biji Vol. 8: The Finale Book 2 Chapter 25 | Part 2 Chapter 76 (MereBear)

"I came to say goodbye to you." He said, "It's all over. I thought about my connection with this world, and it seems that the only one I can find now is you."

Comment: Is this the kind of connection that Xiaoge was looking for in Daomu Biji Vol. 4?

Note: In the Live Broadcast Interview on June 11, 2021, there was a question about what "嫩牛五方" Nenniu Wufang (Iron Triangle + HeiHua) think of Wu Xie, and this is Xiaoge's part:

NPSS: For Zhang Qiling, Wu Xie is his only connection with the human world. He can live without any connection with the human world. After so many years, Wu Xie was the opportunity that made him willing to connect with the human world, which was also something that required courage for him, because connecting with Wu Xie means connecting with other people. At the beginning, Wu Xie was just one of the many people he had saved, but Wu Xie reached a state of transcendence through his own qualities. He was able to attract another person who was not a mortal. There is such a person, when you look him in the eye, you will have this feeling-

Host: This is that person, this is the person I am looking for.

NPSS: Yes. ☆

8. Daomu Biji Vol. 8: The Finale Book 2 Chapter 27 | Part 2 Chapter 78 (MereBear)

That night, we found a relatively dry place and lit a fire. Sitting in front of the fire, he silently looked at me for the first time.

I also stared at him for a long time. Since he kept looking at me like this, I began to wonder whether the focus of his gaze was actually on me. When I found that he was really looking at me, however, I felt very strange. I said, "Is something wrong with me? Is there a monster behind me?" I asked him several times, but he didn't respond. I thought this person was not very normal at ordinary times. Now in this situation, I definitely couldn't understand and didn't need to understand. But after a while, he suddenly asked me for a cigarette.

9. Daomu Biji Vol. 8: The Finale Book 2 Chapter 28 | Part 2 Chapter 79 (MereBear)

I screamed as I rolled all the way down the hillside. I knew it was a very steep cliff with a drop of at least thirty meters, so even if there was snow below, I would never be safe.

[....]

Just when I was about to despair, I suddenly heard a movement outside. Then, my flailing hands were grabbed by someone, and I was pulled out of the snow pit. I gasped for breath, and saw Men You Ping grabbed the back of my collar and pulled me out of the snow with force.

My eyes still saw a pink color, which was quite blurry. I looked at him, and I was so angry that I asked him: "Why did you come back again?"

He looked at me, then at the cliff above his head, and said to me, "I heard your cry for help."

Note: This is one of the famous PingXie moments, which later someone brought up this scene again in the comment section of the online version of Sand Sea 3 Chapter 5 (Chapter 116 on MereBear's site: Like a Red Bean in the Exquisite Dice, My Love for You is Deep in My Bones) in 2014. Here is the famous comment that is still circulating around in the DMBJ fandom:

“The moment I fell, holding my neck, I thought I couldn't speak anymore. The sky of Motuo was still empty, just like the Changbai Mountain. But this time, no one would jump down thirty meters to pull me up. I asked him why he came, and he said he heard my voice.” ☆

However, people still doubt where this quote actually comes from. As someone said, what I've mentioned before is the most likely source since it is the earliest one that can be found. The site was closed down, so I can't check it myself.

10. Daomu Biji Vol. 8: The Finale Book 2 Chapter 28 | Part 2 Chapter 79 (MereBear)

"That’s fine, do whatever you want. If you really knock me out, I have nothing to say, but I hope you know that if you need someone to accompany you to the end, I won’t refuse." I said, "I want to accompany you. This is my own decision, so don't worry about it."

Top comment: One is a confession that travels thousands of miles away, and the other is a stumbling pursuit. ☆

11. Daomu Biji Vol. 8: The Finale Book 2 Chapter 29 | Part 2 Chapter 80 (MereBear)

Men You Ping nodded, and I asked him: "If this is not the case, according to the promise, who should be the next in line for the Old Nine Gates?"

"You." Men You Ping said.

Me? I was stunned for a moment: "You mean, I was supposed to stay behind this bronze door for ten years?"

Men You Ping nodded, and just as I was about to ask him to clarify, Men You Ping suddenly reached out and pressed the back of my neck, and I lost consciousness."

12. Excerpt from 《与邪共予起灵书》 or see more here

I saw Menyouping standing in the dazzling light of the bronze door, as if waiting for me. It turns out that not everyone has left me. He is right here, behind this mysterious bronze door, looking forward to meeting me again just like me. Ten years, it sounds like a long time that cannot be passed, but when that moment comes, we will definitely feel the brevity of time. Its brevity may just be because you are looking forward to a reunion. You use your ten years to exchange my lifelong innocence, then I will use the next ten years and more ten years to exchange your ten years.

The passage above is related to the famous quote “用我一生换你十年的天真无邪” (I'll give you my whole life in exchange for your ten years of innocence).

According to this post, this sentence first appeared in a forum interview in 2010. When NPSS talked with readers about the final ending of the characters in the main story (Daomu Biji Vol. 1-8), he used the sentence "用自己的一生，再换你十年的天真无邪" (I'll give you my whole life in exchange for another ten years of your innocence) to summarize the ending of Zhang Qiling and Wu Xie in the main story.

NPSS's interview with Nangong Ling, the owner of PingXie Bar on Baidu Post Bar or Tieba (a popular Chinese forum) at that time: The Long-Delayed New Year Interview on March 11, 2010 ☆

Q: Is Wu Xie the most miserable person in the whole book? Is it true that one of him and Pingzi (Xiaoge) will die in the end?

A: Wu Xie is the most miserable, his life is a doomed tragedy, but Lao Zhang is not easy either.

Q: Then?

A: It delayed the occurrence of the whole tragedy.

Q: Then they suffered a tragedy together?

A: I use my life to exchange for your ten years of innocence.

And there is a follow-up. On November 1, 2011, NPSS participated in a symposium at Shenzhen University and interpreted the meaning of this sentence. ☆

Q: How do you understand "用我一生换你十年天真无邪" (I will give you my whole life for your ten years of innocence)?

A: On a very quiet night, I was sitting in front of my computer, chatting with an online friend who was my reader. She asked me if I could describe the whole story in one sentence. Then I thought about it and realized that the story could be described in one sentence: "用我一生换你十年的天真无邪" (I will give you my whole life for your ten years of innocence). It is not a very equal exchange. It is an infinite sacrifice of one person for another in exchange for a limited benefit.

13. Tibetan Sea Flower Part 1 Chapter 39

I said, "I don't know. I always feel that it's safer to be around Xiaoge. If he's not around, at least having his statue is better than having no statue at all."

14. Sand Sea 2 Chapter 53 | Chapter 92 (MereBear)

"Are you really willing to bear it?"

"I have no choice."

"You have a choice, you just can't see it."

"That means there is no choice."

Sigh

"Then will you tell him all this?"

"No."

"Then what will you tell him?"

"I will tell him that he is just a patient, and from now on, he can rest."

"They won't let you say these words."

"I won't allow them to stop me."

15. Sand Sea Part 3 Chapter 5 | Chapter 116 (MereBear)

玲珑骰子安红豆，入骨相思知不知

A dainty die with red beans engraved in it, don't you know, is a love yearning that penetrates to the bone?

(—Rediscovering Wen Tingyun by Mou, Huaichuan)

Note: As we know, this candy is only a title, but it has a deep meaning. “玲珑骰子安红豆，入骨相思知不知” is a passage from a poem by Tang Dynasty poet, Wen Tingyun (温庭筠), it's the second poem of two love poems in his collection of poems 《新添声杨柳枝词二首》/《南歌子词二首》.

井底点灯深烛伊，共郎长行莫围棋

玲珑骰子安红豆，入骨相思知不知

The poem is written in the voice of a woman, expressing her attachment to her lover, in the first line, it means she earnestly asked her husband not to miss the return date when he travelled far away. It is the woman's deep longing for her husband and the strong love she has for him that is hard to let go. The second line means the lovesickness that goes deep into the bones, revealing -once again- the woman's strong love that is hard to let go. And the words "Don’t you know?" (知不知) vividly expresses the woman's long separation, the difficulty of reunion, the deep pain of missing him, and even the fact that she wants to talk to no one. It can be said that the ending is natural and the aftertaste is endless. What the readers feel is the sincere and passionate love in the woman's heart —Baidu Encyclopedia

Since there is no way for me, a complete novice, to explain it through semantic and syntactic analysis, please visit here or here for more explanation.

In WeChat interview on August 6, 2013, NPSS said the reason why he chose that title:

Q: Sanshu, I would like to ask you, in Sand Sea series, when Wu Xie was slashed in the throat by the man in white, why was the chapter titled "玲珑骰子安红豆，入骨相思知不知"?

A: I chose that chapter title because that was the emotion I felt at the time. ☆

16. 2014 Chinese New Year Special "Fantasy" Chapter 27 (Epilogue) | Chapter 2.31 (MereBear)

When the sun absorbed the fog and dispersed it, the black fog completely dissipated. I turned my head to see where Men You Ping was, but saw the sunset shining in from the window next to me.

It was over, I was stunned for a moment and realized.

I was back in the small power station.

My hands and feet slowly revived, and the severe pain in my nasal cavity began to attack. The throat was full of the smell of blood, and all the blood turned into a paste in my throat.

In all the moments of coming back, I always felt a very sad emotion in my heart, which would make me silent for a moment.

Don't make the illusion too beautiful because it will eventually disappear. You think you have obtained and grasped it, but in fact there is nothing. This kind of memory is no different from my real memory. People themselves cannot really own anything.

17. Ten Years Chapter 31

This was written for me, he knew I would fulfill my promise. He hid the clue in Chen Pi Ah Si's nose, which really gave me face.

I clenched my fists, and a sense of security that I hadn't felt for many years suddenly rose from the bottom of my heart.

Note: The bolded sentence is an additional sentence in the physical book of Ten Years.

18. Ten Years Chapter 36

In the past ten years, I have had many dreams. I dreamed of him when he was young and I met him when I was young.

19. Ten Years Physical Book

"Not only that, if you can truly believe that you can do this, you can do anything." The voice in my heart answered me, "But, believing in yourself may be the most difficult thing in the world."

"What's so difficult about believing in yourself?" I asked.

"Just like you can't believe that you can walk on the water, only a very few people can truly believe in themselves." The voice in my heart answered me, "You can't even believe that you really entered here and heard these words."

A vast pool of water suddenly appeared in front of me, and the water surface was as calm as a mirror.

I looked at the surface of the pool and touched it with my feet. It was cold water. The waves spread and quickly disappeared at the end of the visible range. I saw a figure appearing very, very far away.

It was a familiar back, it was Xiaoge.

I stepped on it and fell into the water.

Then, I woke up. I looked up at the bronze door.

It was a dream, the door was still closed tightly.

I looked at my hand, and the wound was not cracked.

Comment: I really like the implication here, Wu Xie trusts Xiaoge more than himself...

20. Ten Years Chapter 41

"The people in that village make a dessert from glutinous rice and brown sugar. Since there’s plenty of rain in the village, a special weed called Yuzai ginseng grows there. The petals of this weed are put into the dessert, and are said to help with memory. Of course, it’s only a local legend."

I kept yawning as I spoke. My consciousness began to blur, but I didn’t stop talking.

I don’t know how long I stayed up, but in my hazy state, I suddenly felt someone slowly sit down beside me.

I hesitated for a moment, turned my head to look, and the other person also turned his head to look at me.

Pangzi slowly woke up and looked at us.I saw a familiar face, indifferent eyes, reflecting the light of the campfire.

People say that when you forget someone, the first thing you forget is their voice. But when he spoke, it wasn’t unfamiliar at all.

"You are old." He said

The music was still flowing, in this place closest to hell.

Pangzi came up, hooked his arm around Men You Ping's shoulder, and caused him to stumble: "How can we compare with you, Xiaoge? And you were willing to come out!!"

Men You Ping swayed from all the jostling.I pulled down my sleeve, covered the scars on my arm, and stood up.

He smiled at me and I lifted my bag: 'Let’s go."We just…haven’t seen you for a long time.

....

I live at the North Sea and you at the South Sea,

I asked the wild goose to pass a letter but was told they could not.

Each of us held a cup of wine and talked amid spring wind with peach and plum blossom,

For ten years we missed each other before lamps during night rain outside.

Note: About the poem, MereBear has already explained here. This is the Chinese version:

我居北海君南海，寄雁传书谢不能；

桃李春风一杯酒，江湖夜雨十年灯。

In short, it's about friendship, a happy gathering and how deeply they missed each other after they parted.

There is an interesting meta about Xiaoge's "you're old", read here.

Top comment: So when Xiaoge explained the amnesia brought by the heavenly gift in Sea of Lights, he looked into Wu Xie's eyes and said "there will be a little left", which means that Xiaoge faced endless darkness in the door, lost his perception of time, and had to use his remaining memory to try to recall Wu Xie's appearance. The words "you are old" in the past ten years contains Xiaoge's deep and heavy longing for Wu Xie.

21. Daomu Biji Extra: 2019 Mid-Autumn Festival

If Men You Ping said something, then it was fine, but he wouldn’t say anything. Instead, Zhang Haike kept telling me that as an outsider follower of Zhang Qiling, I should take care of these things. Fuck that shit, I thought to myself. I’m a guardian, not an outsider follower. He said that if I did well, I could start the special procedures that would give me the surname Zhang. I could be called Zhang Xie or Zhang Wu Xie in the future. Of course, I could also follow my master and be called Zhang Qixie.

I was so angry that day that I thought my liver was going to burst.

22. Daomu Biji Extra: The Other Shore | The Other Shore (MereBear)

It was too cold here, so after I died, I wouldn't be degraded. I would exist here for thousands and millions of years. I could sit here and let the wind and snow freeze me. According to my experience, hundreds of years later, Men You Ping would see the moment he was seeing now.

I seemed to be seriously ill and chose this ending myself. I was surprisingly calm and had no regrets. Although I could not be truly eternal like him, I found a way to coexist in the same time and space as him.

[....]

I didn't expect it to be so romantic. In this world, there was no other person who could use death as a romantic condiment so naturally.

Note: I think almost the whole short story is candy with a knife, but I can't possibly put it all here. There is a good PV about this short story, you can see it here or here.

Top comment:

”When we first begin to truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the person we love no longer loves us. What we should be afraid of is that even though they are dead, we still can’t stop loving them.”

23. A joke that is written by NPSS and posted on the official blog on Weibo

I hope this letter finds you well, I have heard that Wu Xie is well-informed, has a strong memory, is wise in all things, knows everything about the world like a little snow falls on a red stove and melts immediately, and often stays by the side of the patriarch as the two musical instruments strike the same note. I will come on the moon to meet you.

I looked at the letter, and Pangzi also looked at it, looking at me with an awkward look. I touched my nose and said, "What is this, Chu Liuxiang?"

Note: This joke was about the Zhang family sending a letter to Xiaoge and Wu Xie. “笙磬同音” (the two musical instruments strike the same note) is a metaphor for harmonious relationship as a family, but is often used in wedding congratulations. ☆☆

24. Thousand Faces Part 1-001 | Part 1-Introduction 2 (MereBear)

She looked at me and said, "Wu Xie, what is the secret in your heart? Is there anything you will never let anyone know until you die?"

I looked up at him, and a thought moved in my heart. She tilted her head and caught it: "Ah, you have it in your heart."

I smiled awkwardly. Yes, my thoughts moved just now.

I did have one.

I asked Ah Tuo: "Isn't this embarrassing?"

"That's something only you know." Ah Tou looked at some group photos I had hanging in my study room. "If I tell you a secret that I think is the most incredible. You have to tell me the thought you just had."

[....]

She looked at me, "Let me guess first, do you want... to live forever?"

[....]

"I do, but this is not my secret." I said to Ah Tou, "If there is no afterlife, then I want to live forever. I still have a lot of things I want to do with my friends, but I am not afraid of death. The richness of my life is second to none. I have enough. However, I agree to your conditions."

Note: In the second line, "我抬眼看着他" (I looked up at him), if it was referring to Ah Tou, "他" should be "她". I don't know whether it's a typo or not, some say it's not, and I check the Chinese raw, it still hasn't changed. If it's not a typo, "him" in "I looked up at him" can actually refer to Xiaoge, someone explained it on MereBear's site. Nevertheless, it doesn't change the meaning of "if there is no afterlife, then I want to live forever". Later, in Notes in Rain Village: Courtyard Chapter 12 or Notes in Rain Village: Part 2 Chapter 17, it was emphasized again:

Maybe I don’t believe in the afterlife.

Moreover, the afterlife is meaningless to me. I will not have a more thrilling life than this one.

On the ancient road, I met the ancient soul.

25. Restart Part 1-Not a Chapter | Restart Part 1 Chapter 112,5 (MereBear)

I drank to my heart's content that night. In the past ten or twenty years, I spent my days alone imagining things, panicking and being cowardly. At this moment, I understood the meaning of all of this.

I said to Bai Haotian, "I always hope not to disappoint others. Although it is difficult, I have finally reached the point in my life where I will be satisfied if I can just not disappoint one person."

[....]

I dreamed of the Tibetan Lama Temple, the floating ribbons in my dream, and I dreamed of everything, where I belonged, where my life belonged to, but I dared not touch, emphasize, or solidify it. I was afraid that I was not worthy of those memories, those times. Even though I had done so many things and controlled so many other people, I still did not dare to say any beautiful words.

26. Restart Part 1 Chapter 141 | Part 1 Chapter 141 (MereBear)

What was so important about me? I was a person who would have to say goodbye to Men You Ping one day in his life. I was a person who delayed Pangzi for getting rich and getting married. I made Xiaohua bankrupt, separated Xiuxiu from her closest relatives, and made my parents live in fear that I would follow Uncle Three’s path. I was far from worthy of the name "innocent (无邪)" my grandfather had given me. But in my confused first half of life, I lived an incredibly wonderful life. I had seen countless wonders in the world. I had the most amazing partner with the most stories in the world. We sang loudly on the cliffs, chanted the sutras on the snow-capped mountains, drank wine in the Gobi Desert, and watched the moon on the sea.

I've had enough in this life.

In Sina Weibo micro interview on August 03, 2018, NPSS talked about the bolded sentence:

Q: In the past ten years, Wu Xie's inner demon was Xiaoge. Ten years later, is Wu Xie's inner demon the life span? In the Reboot, he mentioned it many times. I feel depressed when I think of "I am a person who will have to say goodbye to Men You Ping one day in his life".

A: Most people in life will eventually say goodbye. For the one who leaves first, everything will return to peace. The one who leaves later will feel a little painful. It's not that scary. It's just unwilling to accept it.

27. Restart Part 1 Chapter 204 & Chapter 208

"...You have to understand what love is. Love is like a ghost. You can't see it when it comes, and it makes no sound when it leaves. Even if it's there, it's moving around. This thing doesn't make sense, it's fucking haunted. When you see it, it'll just pat its butt and leave. You ask it if it wants to leave or not. If it doesn’t go, you’ll have to light three pillars of incense. If it goes away, you can't find it back even if you burn down the house..."

[....]

"I just want to know what's behind the bronze door. If I'm about to die, can you please whisper something in my ear?" I said in the direction of Men You Ping.

There was no response from the other end, so I said, "If I am about to die, just say something in my ear, and then I will leave with peace of mind. Otherwise, you can't send me away even with three pillars of incense.

28. Restart Part 2 Chapter 12 | Chapter 12 (MereBear)

...But when I saw the look in Men You Ping's eyes when he looked at the rain, I didn't know what year or century he was thinking about.

It was so annoying to partner with a god.

29. Notes in Rain Village Chapter 5

Men You Ping looked at the snow. The wind was blowing in the wrong direction, and the snowflakes kept drifting in. His hair quickly turned white.

I wonder what he would look like with white hair.

30. Notes in Rain Village Chapter 15

"If I were your child*, would you not allow me to smoke?"

"Ah, I don't know, but you fell into a crack in the ground in the middle of the night. I don't have a daughter with night blindness." I glanced at Men You Ping, who was leaning against the door and looking at the two of us. His expression seemed to say, "You two both fell into a crack in the ground, what's there to discuss?"

Note: "If I were your child" is “如果我是你生的” in Chinese raw. There is a comment saying:

“The sentence "if I was born by you (如果我是你生的)" is very interesting. Children usually only use the word "birth (生)" to their mothers, and should say "if I were your child (如果我是你的孩子)" to their fathers. Xu Lei (NPSS) used the word "birth (生)" to Wu Xie through the girl's mouth, and I dare not think about it too much.” ☆

Comment: It's not the first time NPSS used the "birth" joke to Wu Xie, and I still remember how Wu Xie's word in Restart "我他妈能生四个" (I can give birth to four) is like a well-known joke in the fandom. So, I can only blame NPSS for how normal I feel about PingXie Mpreg fics and how many there are.. (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

31. Notes in Rain Village Chapter 17

Men You Ping walked towards us, one step, two steps, three steps, six or seven steps.

He walked to our side, and I looked back at where he was just now, and he was no longer there.

Don't worry about it, I thought to myself, we couldn’t go up, so he walked down.

32. Notes in Rain Village Chapter 23

The two dismantled caissons were finally put up with a simple scaffolding. Men You Ping was so damn cool, I had no idea how he dismantled it. Apart from the movements, I found his extreme concentration and skill really enviable.

33. Notes in Rain Village Chapter 24

I felt a little dizzy after drinking and had a very long dream that night. I dreamed of snow-capped mountains and my own ending.

It was the first time I had this kind of dream, but I knew that I would often dream about this moment from now on.

In this world, everyone was a circle and Men You Ping was the only eternal straight line. We were strung on this straight line like Buddhist prayer beads, heading for the other side that Buddha could see. It was just that the other side was an infinite time and space.

34. Notes in Rain Village: Courtyard Chapter 4 | Chapter 9 (MereBear)

At about 9 o'clock, I was looking at the yard from the window and saw Men You Ping tidying up the moss in the yard alone. I leaned on the windowsill, he sorted it out for more than two hours, and I watched him for more than two hours.

I didn't know if he liked my plan or not, but I thought if Pangzi liked it very much, he might like it a little.

35. Notes in Rain Village: Travel Chapter (Physical Book Version)

That night I had a dream. I dreamed that all the happiness here turned into little elves, flying around people. There was also one behind Deren. His face was constantly changing, but the elf was still shining.

"Don't worry, it's okay." In the dream, Men You Ping said to me. The elf behind him hid in his hair and looked at me shyly.

36. Notes in Rain Village 3: Travel Chapter 43

It just happened to be the last moment of sunset, and the sunset glow on the sea turned colorful. We parked the car and unloaded the poultry and livestock. Pangzi went in to prepare dinner with his friends, and Men You Ping and I sat on the embankment by the sea.

Source: Here

37. Notes in Rain Village 4: Pastoral Chapter 8

Then I saw a very magical place: there was a place far away in the starry sky, where the stars were very dense, and those stars were like waterfalls sliding down from the sky, rushing all the way to the clouds below the train.

"The stars are falling," I said to Men You Ping, sounding like a nonsensical child. "Falling, falling down."

38. Notes in Rain Village 4: Pastoral Chapter 33

When I was halfway up, even though I was wearing a raincoat, I was completely soaked and looked very miserable. I knew I would not give up, but I still felt a little desperate. As if I had sensed something, I suddenly stopped and looked back.

Men You Ping was standing behind me.

I didn't know when he came, but it was just like ten thousand times before.

39. Looking for the Dead in the Sea of Lights Chapter 24

As soon as I walked out of the circle of light from the bonfire, Men You Ping rushed out from the darkness on the other side of the camp, in the opposite direction from me. He jumped on his horse, leaped over the bonfire, rushed behind me, and lifted me onto the horse with one hand. Then, two men and one horse rushed towards Pangzi.

40. Queen Mother's Ghost Banquet Chapter 82

"I, I, I..." I tried to describe it, but I couldn't see clearly with my eyes squinting. I murmured, "I need Xiaoge. I really need him this time."

That's it. Obviously, it's not all of them, but I'm spent haha. People in the Chinese fandom often said that PingXie is a Chinese-style cp and pure love “纯爱” type of ship, which I think it's indeed true. Their heartfelt moments are often hidden between allusions and metaphors, and the strong bond between them mostly relies on the emotional attachment rather than just physical touches or skinships. To me, it makes them so unique and interesting. What's more the taste of pure love that people often associate with this cp/ship is actually pretty rare itself. In the end, they did care for each other regardless of what people used to define their relationship (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*+♡

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝟖𝟏𝟕!ヾ⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠*⁠)⁠ﾉ

#pingxie #dmbj #daomu biji #817 rice festival #special 817 #happy 817 #盗墓笔记 #瓶邪 #pingxie only #瓶邪only #congratulatory post

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mochegato · 11 days ago

Text

Even the Losers

Chapter 39

Chapter 1 Chapter 38

um… if bad parenting and borderline stalking are triggers, this might not be the chapter for you. Also TW for dissociation

The feeling was freeing, or rather free. Marinette felt like she was floating, completely free from any tethers; to the ground, to a person, to her emotions, to reality. She was free from responsibility, free from expectations, free from worry, free from anxiety, free from pain. It was warm and embracing and above all, comforting. The temperature was perfect, just the right side of warm. There was a low-lying white noise that was just loud enough to let her know something was there without intruding on her peace.

She could float away forever and be completely content. There wasn’t a single reason she could think of not to just let it happen. She could just…

Her euphoria was brutally interrupted by a weight dropping around her body bringing her consciousness crashing down to reality. She blinked once, twice, and a few more times until the scene in front of her came into focus, or, more accurately, the person in front of her.

She narrowed her eyes as her brow furrowed trying to make sense of what she was seeing. The utopic scenery had been replaced by something decidedly more mundane and darker, and a man crouching in front of her. “Jason?”

“Hey there Pixie Pop,” he said quietly, or maybe it wasn’t so quiet. Her ears were still adjusting, the white noise from before now sounding like a constant buzzing, like live wires surrounding her, sometimes humming quietly in the distance, sometimes sizzling so loudly she had the instinct to cover her ears. His eyes darted to the side in a harsh, judgmental glare in time with one of the louder bursts, but returned to her with a soft look. “I thought we lost you for a second there,” he continued so gently, it was like he was speaking to a sleeping baby. “Thought you might have gone somewhere we couldn’t track you.”

His lips curled up in a soft smile, but her eyes were locked on his eyes. They were filled with concern, but searching, waiting, a bit of relief easing into them the longer she looked, the more clearheaded she became. He raised his hand, fingers seemingly reaching toward her, but it froze almost instantly, his fingers clenching instead before he lowered his hand resentfully. “How you doing?”

“Fine. Thank you,” she answered instantly. The response wasn’t even a conscious decision, more like reflex. Instead, she focused on trying to orient herself absent of the buoyant feeling she had just been torn away from and allow her body to properly register her current environmental input, which was significantly harder than it should have been.

At a loud sound from him, her eyes snapped back to him from wherever they had wandered while her mind was doing the same. If anything, the scoff he had let out helped ground her into reality, gave her a familiar warm feeling. It was the normal response she got to that answer. Whether it was Alya or Nino or Adrien… She froze, the reality hitting her like an akuma's blast.

Adrien.

She looked around wildly, the heavy blanket she hadn’t noticed before falling from her shoulders, not noticing the panic start to set in to Jason's eyes as he watched her sudden, frantic movements nor the way his entire body tensed and he bobbed in place, like his body wanted to lurch toward her but his mind was keeping him in place.

She searched for a few seconds before letting out an indignant growl at remembering her phone was still where she had left it the night before; in her purse at Max’s apartment. Now, she had no way to know how Adrien was doing or check on him. She almost hissed at the incessant white noise that refused to go away and prevented her from being able to focus, but it stopped when her eyes caught on Roy’s phone, and she lunged for it. She wouldn’t be able to open it, but she’d at least been able to see if there were any messages.

There was only one message, Chloe warning them Bruce found out she wasn’t there and had left the hospital. Nothing important and hardly helpful at this point. Nothing about Adrien. She checked the time it had come in. Forty-five minutes ago. She pressed her lips into a thin line. Surely, if there had been anything to worry about, she would have sent that as well… But that was forty-five minutes ago, and anything could have happened in that time and she had no way to find out. She couldn’t even open his phone to actually respond and demand… request an update.

She huffed and tossed it back on the coffee table glaring at it like it was the root of her misfortunes. She yanked at her shirt, her fingers instantly finding the burl in her hem and aggressively rubbing her finger and thumb over it.

“Hey,” Jason interrupted softly but firmly, easing into her personal space to make sure she was hearing him. “It’s okay. There’s no update on Adrien. He’s still doing okay… strong. His vitals are strong,” he assured her with the confidence of a man who had a direct link to his monitors, which he definitely did not have. However, if there had been any change Bruce, Dick, and Damian would have known about it before they left, and they would have notified everyone. Since they didn’t say anything about that, just that Marinette wasn’t there, he was positive Adrien was fine.

There was no way they wouldn’t have said something.

Almost no way…

It was unlikely they would allow themselves to be distra…

He sighed heavily and hung his head. “Tell you what, Pixie Pop, I’ll have Duke check now and let us know just to verify.”

She watched him intently for a few seconds, studying him like she was trying to determine if she trusted him. “He’s still there?” Her voice broke slightly midway through the sentence. Her fingers let go of her hem and eyes dropped for just a moment when he nodded. When they returned to him, they had transitioned from suspicious to wary. “Markov will have better knowledge,” she finally advised quietly.

“Ahh, but I don’t know Markov’s phone number,” Jason shrugged, purposefully injecting levity into his tone.

Instead of lightening her mood as he’d hoped, she shrunk away from him again. It was a slight thing, but with him watching her as carefully as he was, he noted it, internally cursing himself for misplaying his hand. “Tell Duke to have Markov call you,” she suggested curtly.

“Yeah,” he agreed quickly. “I’ll have him give Markov my number as well.”

“You don’t have to,” she shrugged. To his relief, she seemed to have relaxed at least back to the level she had been at before his earlier joke.

Jason raised an eyebrow at her. “My number is unlisted.”

She scoffed. “That really isn’t relevant. He’s gotten the CIA director’s number before… allegedly!” she added quickly.

He blinked at her again. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her, but it really didn’t seem like the right time. He opened his mouth regardless but before he could ask… he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to ask, a roaring voice put an end to their conversation, both of their heads whipping toward the sound.

“…didn’t even realize she wasn’t in the hospital for what? Hours?” Roy screamed. “And now you’re declaring some divine right to her?”

“We didn’t realize she wasn’t there because we were told she was sleeping and she shouldn't be disturbed,” Bruce yelled back. “So, we waited outside her room all night. When we discovered it was Adrien’s room not hers, I came to see her for myself after being LIED to all night after MY DAUGHTER ALMOST DIED.”

“Jesus, Bruce. Last night wasn’t about YOU!” Roy took a step toward Bruce, but Dick stepped between them, holding his hands out toward both of their chests. “When will you get that through your fucking titanium skull? Everything isn’t about you. This is about Marinette and Adrien, and what they need.”

“And what they need is to be safe!” Bruce thundered. “And I needed to make sure she was, after a night where she wasn’t. But I couldn’t because you were hiding her. I didn’t know where she was and if she was safe. As her father, I needed to make sure she was and act to make sure she was.”

Roy narrowed his eyes, studying him assiduously, taking his time before responding. When he finally did, his voice had been lowered, but the tone was just as acidic. “So, you had to break into my apartment to do that? Into my room? Come at Marinette?”

“We meant to just see if she was okay then leave,” Dick interjected calmly. “We didn’t come at her.”

Roy looked at them critically, disgust curling his lips as he spoke. “And it took four of you to do that? And all invade her space? While we were sleeping? While she was sleeping?”

“Hey, I was trying to stop them,” Jason interjected. “Don’t group me in with this shitshow.”

Bruce glared at him and took a breath before responding to Roy’s accusation, but it clearly did little to abate his anger, while his expression eased slightly after the action, his eyes stayed dark. “We were worried,” he gritted out.

Roy narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re smarter than that. You all are. You could have checked with anyone else. You didn’t care to, because how she felt didn’t matter to you. Only how you felt.”

Jason scoffed and turned back to Marinette, examining her expression and body language closely as everyone spoke around her. “They could have tried. I wouldn’t have answered. They could have tracked me.”

“Yeah, don’t think we’re done talking about that,” Dick growled. “You knew. You knew and didn’t tell us.”

“No, I did not,” he touted proudly. “And we definitely are done. You can talk all you want about it. I’m out. You chose your side. I chose mine. Hers.”

“There are no sides here!” Dick thundered so loudly even Damian winced at the anger lacing the words. “We are all trying to protect and supp…”

“How did you know where I was?” Marinette cut in. Her words were quiet, emotionless, yet demanding more attention than all the angry yelling that had had been filling the room. She realized she probably should have been paying attention and know what the yelling was about, but the niggling feeling in the back of her head was now a full on blaring trumpet in her ear.

“Huh?” Dick asked in the same overly innocent tone Etta and Ella would use when they had said more than they meant to and was hoping Marinette or Alya hadn’t heard it, but it was the way everyone froze at her question that confirmed her instinct more than anything else.

“What, sweetheart?” Bruce asked, his voice soft and tentative.

She stared at the phone like it was an escape room clue and if she stared long enough, it would provide the answer to everything while her mind whirled like the Flash on crack. The longer her mind ran, the more things fell into place. This was it, that niggling feeling that wouldn't go away for days before. She was finally closing in on it. It felt right. This was it the final thing. “Chloe texted Roy forty-five minutes ago. It’s been forty-five minutes. That’s not enough time.”

“Not enough time for what, sweetheart?” Bruce encouraged, keeping his voice at the same gentle tone. He tried to edge closer to Marinette, but Roy’s glare kept him at a distance.

“Assume five to ten minutes to get to the car and out of the parking lot,” she started remotely. Her eyes finally lifted, but rather than looking at any of the people in the room, it was to examine the completely intact, not broken-down door to Roy’s apartment. “Five to ten minutes to get from the car and pick the lock to break into Roy’s apartment, at the quickest. Most people would take ten to fifteen, but you were in a hurry. You wouldn’t have taken the time to pick the lock if you didn’t think you could do it quickly.” Her eyes drifted to the wreckage in the hallway. “Five minutes for the fight, that leaves twenty to thirty minutes for the ride from the hospital and however long I’ve been…” her eyes dropped down, “distracted.”

Her eyes shot up to Bruce, her eyes narrowed in analysis. “That leaves no time for doubt. You knew where you were going. How did you know?” She quirked her head to the side a moment before her eyes drifted over to Jason then Roy and back to Bruce. “Jason didn’t tell you. Roy didn’t tell you. My friends didn’t tell you… so, how did you know?”

Bruce and Dick glanced at each other from the corner of their eyes, both straightening up at the same time in a perfect example of nurture over nature, further highlighting their history, a history Marinette hadn’t been allowed. “We traced your phone,” Bruce stated confidently.

Damian frowned at Bruce’s answer, his eyes darted between Dick and Bruce, both standing abnormally stiffly, not enough that it would be noticeable to anyone outside of the family, but after a decade of living in the League and years of living and fighting with his father and his team, their unease was blazingly clear, as though they had done something remorseful. But they hadn’t. There was no reason to lie. His father hadn’t done anything that any other concerned father wouldn’t have done, anything that he hadn’t already done with the rest of his children. Their reaction made no sense.

Marinette’s brow furrowed at his answer, the answer not fitting into her puzzle. A red herring threatening to lure her away from the correct conclusion. Her fingers found the burl in her hem as she absently rubbed it. “My phone isn’t here,” she corrected slowly in sharp contrast to how quickly her thoughts were moving. “I left it at Max’s apartment. Chloe has Roy’s number in case something happened with Adrien. If you’d traced my phone, it would have led you there. But you didn’t go there. You came straight here. You knew. There were so many possibilities, so many more likely possibilities, but you didn’t try any of those. You knew where to go. Where I was. Without doubt.” Her eyes narrowed further. “And you don’t want me to know how you knew.”

“Marinette…” Bruce started weakly, desperately.

But it was Jason’s words that kept ringing in her ears. Suddenly she froze, her fingers paused mid-stroke over the burl and her chest not even rising to take breaths. The force of her realization snapped into place almost hard enough to leave an echo in the room. Her eyes slowly panned down to her fingers for a moment before she shot up and unceremoniously yanked her shirt over her head, bending slightly to bring the fabric closer to her examination, as though just holding it wouldn’t get it close enough. She didn’t need better taste in fabric, she needed better taste in who she trusted.

Everyone but Roy spun around as soon as she started lifting her shirt. Roy, however, stared at her in morbid awe. His eyes sweeping toward the breasts he’d been imagining since the day he met her, and cursing that the shirt was still in the way, especially with her body angled slightly away, for hardly a second before drifting to the dark bruise at her fully exposed ribs. It wrapped around her body, darkening as it moved toward her back. He stumbled forward, moving toward her, terrified of fully seeing her back but needing to do it regardless.

He gasped at the full extent of the damage she’d concealed. She’d said the doctor cleared her. She’d said she was fine. He had known it was at least partially a lie, that she’d withheld some information, but he’d never imagined it was this bad. The bruises on her face were nothing compared to the deep ones on her back. They extended almost the entire breadth of her back, some so deep the blackish purple was mottled with maroon. She had to have at least a few cracked ribs, possibly broken. She should have never been allowed to leave the hospital.

She shouldn’t be able to stand, let alone have taken on some of the fiercest fighters on the planet. Granted, they weren’t actually trying to fight her, but even breathing should make her sob in pain. He didn’t know whether he should be impressed or horrified, but decided a combination of the two was the best option.

“Oh, Marinette,” he uttered in helpless horror. He reached toward her to run his fingers over the bruises as if they might not be real and touching would make them disappear, but he dropped his hand before they could make contact and make it worse for her. He dropped his eyes and forced himself to take several breaths before looking back up stopping when he saw his shirt haphazardly strewn over the back of the couch from the night before. He grabbed it and gently pulled it over Marinette’s head, being extremely careful not to let the collar rub against her face.

He continued to help ease the shirt over her body and her arms through the sleeves even as Marinette’s head shot up, fire in her eyes and hand clenched around her shirt, the burl facing outward accusingly. “You bugged me,” she screeched. As soon as Roy got her hand through the sleeve, she launched her pajama shirt at Bruce, nailing him in the head. She was pulling her pajama pants off before he’d even reacted to the hit. “You tracked me! You put a tracker on me like I was some kind of dog.”

She tossed her pants at him too, but the unbalanced weight distribution caused them to shift trajectory slightly, hitting Dick in the back of the head instead. “Do I have to remove my underwear too?” she demanded. “How many of my clothes have you violated?”

“No! It’s not like that!” Bruce whipped around to face her, eyes wide with panic, but immediately dropped them remembering why he’d turned in the first place. “No Marinette no that's not...”

She lunged forward like she wanted to get into his face, but changed her mind, throwing her arms out with a tortured groan. “You want to know who I am, make sure I'm safe, without actually having to talk to me? Not actually having to interact with me. Why is that such a horrifying thought to you? Why is the idea of being near me such a nightmare? What is it about me?”

“Marinette, you have to… please stop moving around so much,” Roy begged quietly. “Your back…” He reached out to encourage her to sit, but faltered again before he could make contact, not confident there was anywhere he could touch her that wouldn’t hurt her.

Finally registering the fact Marinette had been wearing a shirt, Bruce turned back to face her. “No! No, Marinette, that is not true. Not in any way.”

But Marinette was beyond listening to him. He’d made his feelings more than apparent. With every interaction, he’d made his dislike clear. She was fine to exist, but actually interacting with her? Actually appreciating her as more than an accessory to parade out to the public? That was too much. Clearly.

God! He hadn’t even wanted to acknowledge her. He only did it because his hand was forced. Why did she listen to his excuses? Why was she so stupid? How pathetic was she to grasp at the smoky whisps of attention he was allowing to waft in her direction and not demanding the entire fucking fire?

She backed away from him until her legs hit the couch, fighting the tears building up behind her eyes held in by nothing more than sheer fucking will power. “Why is this so one-sided with you? I have to push and push and try. I try so fucking hard. I have to open myself up and expose the rawest parts of me. And you just keep looking for the easiest way out. The laziest ways that you can know I'm okay without actually having to try. Without putting any effort in. Why is everything about you and nothing about me? Why am I the only one showing that I care? Why am I the only one trying? Why am I the only one exposed?” Her voice, which had been so strong and aggressive, bolstered by righteous indignation moments before was now broken, filled with frustration but most of all, pain.

“Marinette,” Dick whispered, now realizing it was safe to look at her, his voice intentionally as non-confrontational as possible to ease her ire, “Marinette, I promise it isn’t like that.”

“The fuck it isn’t,” she screamed, her voice back to the steel it had been before.

“I don’t understand,” Damian inserted. “Trackers are common, especially when there are threats. We all have them. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because I wasn’t consulted,” she screamed, her eyes staying on Bruce the entire time. “Because I’m an adult, not a child. Because it’s called autonomy over my own fucking life. He’s getting more information about my life than I agreed to give. Illegally I might add. All so he didn’t have to actually speak to me. So, he didn’t have to try. Because it was done as an investment in his image, not a relationship with me.”

“That’s not fair! I was trying to make sure you were safe,” Bruce assured her through gritted teeth, barely restrained frustration evident in his tone and tensed muscles. “I do want you in my life. As much as you will let me. I love you! I love you and I want you to be safe, but you’re not. There had been threats, multiple threats. Hell Marinette, you’d already been kidnapped once. I needed to know that we could find you if it happened again. That I could keep you safe next time. I just needed to be able to find you.”

Jason straightened up and turned to glare at Bruce, standing as a protective barrier between Bruce and Marinette. “You should have asked,” Jason said lowly. “You said you would before you did it. You told us you’d talk to her about safety before taking any measures. You lied. It’s not a surprise. And that’s on me, on all of us. We shouldn’t have believed he’d be better to her than he was for any of the rest of us.”

“Jason,” Dick hissed, focusing his anger at Jason. How could he not understand he was making it all worse. How could he not understand they needed to stand together or they were going to fall apart and he wasn’t sure if he could duct tape them back together again. “We need to deescalate here. You’re not helping.”

“No,” Jason growled back. “I think we haven’t escalated enough before. That’s how we got here.”

“I want you all to leave,” Marinette stated with a cold determination. “Leave the apartment. Leave my life. I want you out.”

Dick gasped, but Bruce looked broken. “Marinette, you don’t mean that.”

“I do,” she nodded resolutely. “I’ve seen this play out. I’ve seen this all throughout Adrien’s life. The way his father controlled him in order to protect him,” she spit the words out like venom. “All to keep him safe.” She scoffed loudly and shook her head, the rage in her eyes transitioning slowly to disappointment and disgust. “I’ve heard all the excuses. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if you turned out to be a supervillain too.”

Bruce choked very intentionally avoiding everyone’s eyes in the room. “It is a parent’s job to protect their child. I’ve failed you before. I wasn’t about to let it happen again. I won’t let it happen again.”

Marinette let out an unimpressed huff. “No, you just found new and more creative ways to fail me.” She almost softened when she saw the devastation her words reeked in Bruce, her words hitting their mark with far more accuracy and depth than she had anticipated. But she refused to take them back. They weren’t wrong and it was time he understood, felt a fraction of the pain she’d felt because of him, a fraction of the desolation, so he understood why she couldn’t let it continue. She couldn’t survive in these circumstances the way Adrien had. She wasn’t resilient the way he was. “I want you gone. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want… you.”

“Marinette, we need to talk about this, talk this through,” Bruce pleaded, panic setting in for the first time. “We’re a family. We need to work through this like a family.”

She cocked her head to the side and puckered her lips as if in thought. “If I understand our history correctly, that means I get to send you away when I’m tired of you, which I’m doing now.”

Bruce paled and Dick gasped, but Jason tilted his head to somewhat contain a bark of laughter. “Damn. Holy fuuuu…”

“That is not what happened, and you know it!” Bruce exclaimed, frustration back in his voice as he advanced toward Marinette.

Roy stepped forward, his hand held up to stop him. “You heard her. It’s time to get out.”

“Roy,” Bruce hissed threateningly.

“No. She’s not ready to talk to you. She needs time. And you're not talking to her. You’re not saying the things she needs to hear,” he stated in a frustrated growl, meaning more than Marinette understood. “You need to give her space and time. You need to leave.”

“She’s our sister, our family!” Dick bellowed.

Roy turned his glare to Dick. “I’m not the one that needs to remember that.”

Dick stalked forward, eyes solely for Roy, trying to tower over him despite being slightly smaller than Roy. “You’re really doing this right now?”

Roy squared up against him, ready to take whatever Dick was going to dish out without backing down. He wouldn’t let Marinette down when she needed him the most. His promise to protect her might have been facetious… kind of… mostly, but he had every intention of keeping it. Even if it was against her family. Fuck, from his experience, families usually were what people needed the most protection from. “You once told me you’d choose her over me, and I said I’d do the same. The difference is, I wasn’t lying.”

Dick’s glare somehow got even colder. “Are there any…” he paused taking a moment to find a way to phrase his thoughts without revealing their identities, “women associated with us that you haven’t fucked and left? And now you’re playing the big, bad protector? You’re hardly a knight in shining armor.”

Roy snorted so hard, he almost doubled over. “You’re going to try to call me out on that? You? You have no room to judge, buddy.” Roy’s glare turned colder than Dick’s had been, colder than they had seen him give them before. "You've done enough damage for today. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s the only thing you’ve done today. It’s time for you to leave before you make it worse."

Everyone continued to stare at each other like their glares could intimidate each other into submission, hostility rolling off Bruce, Dick, Jason, and Roy thick enough it seemed to obscure the air itself. But Damian? Damian watched Marinette. The night had clearly not gone the way any of them had expected, but it had definitely hit Marinette harder than anyone else.

She stood tall, projected strength and determination in both her body and eyes, but the longer he looked, the more he could see the cracks in the façade. Her muscles were shaking from the strain of keeping her body so rigid, it was almost imperceptible, if he hadn’t been watching her so intently, he would have missed it.

But it was her eyes that gave everything away. The fire was there, but once you looked past the flames, there was devastation. The scorched remains of any faith or hope she once had for them, maybe for the world as a whole. He’d seen that look before. He’d had that look before and he knew how dangerous it was, not for the people around him… although, yeah, in his case it had been dangerous to the people around him, but because of how it had threatened to destroy him. They needed to leave before they salted the earth and lost any chance of regrowing their razed relationship with Marinette.

Damian laid his hand on Dick’s arm, waiting until he sensed Dick had shifted his attention to him before allowing himself to take his gaze from Marinette to meet Dick’s eyes determinedly and shook his head curtly.

Dick furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to argue, but Damian looked over at her pointedly and Dick followed his gaze, his shoulders slumping at the sight. He was right. She seemed like she was positioned aggressively, but from personal experience he knew that position was meant to protect herself more than attack. It was like an injured kitten puffing out her fur to look more intimidating to scare her opponent out of fighting. The harder they tried to look scary, the worse the hurt, and she was trying awfully hard to look scary. She was weak and hurt and viewed them as the enemy.

He took a breath and glanced at Roy who was still standing like a rampart before Marinette, refusing to let any danger touch her. What Marinette needed was loved ones protecting her, making her feel safe. Ideally, that would be them, her family, there for her no matter what. However, regardless of how they felt about her, she still didn’t see them as family. There was no trust, and maybe that was justified after what Bruce had done. And trust and comfort were not things they could shove down her throat and make her feel.

“Okay,” Dick announced, clear and loud. “We’ll go…”

“The Hell we will,” Bruce seethed.

Dick turned toward Bruce, knowing better than to attempt to touch him at that moment, instead standing with purpose in front of him. “We will go,” he repeated definitively. “We will go because she asked us to. We will go because that is what she needs right now.”

He chanced taking a step closer to Bruce and lowered his voice so only he would hear. “It’s too much, Bruce. It’s too much all at once. She’s shutdown. If we stay it will only drive her further away.”

“She’s…” Bruce roared motioning violently toward Marinette.

“Safe,” Dick finished for him. “She’s safe.”

“And she sure as fuck doesn’t feel that with you,” Jason added stepping up behind Dick.

“Not helping,” Dick hissed.

Jason shot him an unimpressed look but didn’t say more.

Damian stepped toward Marinette and faltered on the second step, ultimately deciding to set his foot back down. “If you need anything, please let me, us, know,” he stated, voice only slightly wavering. “I’m willing to… I’ll do whatever you need.”

However, when Marinette showed no signs of having heard him, her disappointed glare never leaving Bruce despite all the commotion around her, he nodded and left, trusting Dick and Jason to remove his father, but he couldn’t be there any longer. He couldn’t watch her pain and know he had a hand in it. He needed an escape just as much as she needed space.

“Fine,” Bruce growled. He leveled his gaze on Marinette and there may have been an attempt to soften his glare, but if there was, it didn’t translate to his eyes. “We’ll go, but this isn’t over. You are my daughter. I’m not giving up on us.” He waited a beat before stomping out of the apartment. Dick opened his mouth, but closed it slowly and nodded to them instead before following Bruce out.

Jason glared at the door for a few moments then turned to watch Marinette hoping to gage how much damage had been done, and the sight was beyond concerning. He started toward her but Roy stepped in his way, not even backing off when Jason leveled him with his deadliest glare. “Sorry man. I know. I do. But…” he took a long breath and looked back at Marinette, “you didn’t see the way she reacted to you last night… or maybe you did.” He turned back to Jason, eyes pleading. “She doesn’t know who to trust and I know it sucks and it isn’t fair, but…”

Jason groaned and dropped his head then glared at the door again. “And I’m linked to them. Fuck.” He breathed heavily for a while, pushing deep, rough breaths through his nose before he shook his head. “He just can’t stop fucking me over. I’m not even… fuck.” He took another breath and nodded, fixing Roy with a pointed look, “But you make sure she knows I’m here if she needs me. Anything, and I mean anything and I will drop anything for her.”

Roy nodded and patted him on the shoulder. “And let me know when you think she can have me around.” He waited until Roy nodded again before making his way toward the door pausing and looking back at him just before reaching it. “And if she needs a hug, I’ll give her the longest, warmest hug she’s ever gotten. Make sure you tell her that.” He nodded again and opened the door but paused again before closing it behind him. “And tell her I love her.”

“I’ll do what I can,” Roy promised quietly before closing the door and turning back to Marinette ready to comfort her again if she needed to break down or offer her things to break if she needed a safe way to vent her anger, whichever way she needed to respond to the messed up situation Bruce had put them in.

But instead of the overwhelming wash of emotions he’d expected, she was like a statue, body frozen and eyes blank as they faced toward the door Jason and the rest of her family had disappeared through. There wasn’t a trace in her face of the justified hurt or anger that should be there, that would be there if it were him. Hell, if it had been him, at least a quarter of the room would already be destroyed. But Marinette? If he couldn’t see the slight flutter of his shirt as her chest moved with far too shallow breaths, he would have thought she had been replaced by a statue.

“Hey, Fire Flower,” he cooed gently. He approached her tentatively like she was a skittish animal, but she didn’t react. His shirt fluttering was the only sign of life even as he moved into her eyesight, just inches from her face. He stroked her hair gently, hoping to pull her out of herself like he had earlier, and gently prodded her to sit, but unlike before she didn’t react to his touch.

“Baby, I… how are you feeling?” He waited in front of her for a full three minutes for her to respond before trying again. “I’m so proud of you, Fire Flower. You were so badass. You are so strong.” He waited again for her to respond, but she was still frozen. It was so much worse than she had been in the hallway and so much more terrifying for him.

She was gone. She was gone and he didn’t know what to do. He was not trained for this. But he knew with absolute certainty that if he didn’t pull her back now, she would be gone for weeks if not months. She’d warned him that she did this. He’d known and thought he was prepared, but seeing it in person was terrifying. His adrenaline was pumping, his heart thundering. He felt helpless.

“Lian’s mom is an assassin!” he screamed then immediately sucked in a breath.

Marinette continued staring at the door for a few more seconds then blinked once. Twice. Several more times. She shook her head like it could wipe away her haze. “What?”

“I…” Roy started, eyes wide, now panicking for an entirely different reason, “okay, that's a lot. I know that. That was a mistake. I shouldn't have said that. That's a lot to take in and entirely too early. I'm sorry.”

Marinette stared at him, mouth agape. “What the hell!”

“I know,” Roy groaned. “It's way too early and too much. I'm sorry.” He looked around desperately for a clue of what to say now, but there was no saving it and he knew it. He threw his hands up helplessly. “I'm not good at this. I was just trying to get you not to block everything out.”

“Did you just say your ex-wife is an assassin? Like in Creed?”

He puffed out his cheeks and looked down. “I mean, we were never married.”

“That is not the part to get stuck on,” she snapped.

“Yeah, no, right. I… I get that,” he nodded.

Marinette snapped her mouth shut. “I don't even…” Her eyes narrowed. “Is that even true?”

“No?” he stated with so much uncertainty it sounded more like a question. Marinette continued to stare at him. “Okay, yes. It's a long story. I can't really explain right now or rather that isn’t important right now, but we should probably get dressed and get to the hospital...”

“Yeah,” she snapped. “Good idea.” She walked past him to get her shoes, ready to no longer be in this apartment.

“… and get you checked out,” he finished.

“What!” she spun around. “No! I'm fine.”

Roy leveled her with an unimpressed glower, all anxiety drained away in favor of frustration. “I saw your back. You're not fine. If nothing else, we should ask the doctor for some proper pain medicine. There is no way you aren’t in extreme pain. And they can see how your ribs are.”

She scoffed and went back to getting her shoes on, unsuccessfully hiding her grimace as she bent down. “And what are they going to do when they find out my ribs are cracked? Or even broken? They're going to tell me to be careful. Maybe wrap them. Which, I was being careful until those…” she motioned vaguely toward the door.

“Assholes,” Roy filled in for her.

Her lips pushed together in a thin white line and glared at him then the door. “Yes, assholes, burst in.”

Roy sighed and pulled his shoes on as well, mind still warring over impressed or horrified at her apparent immunity to pain and stubborn refusal to receive help. It had to be genetic, right? He wanted to settle on frustrated anger, but ultimatums and strongarming wouldn’t help with Marinette. But manipulation? And using her weaknesses against her? That he could do.

“At some point we really need to discuss how you know how to triage fractured or broken ribs, but I get the feeling I won’t be able to handle that information at this point in time. But they are also going to check for internal bleeding,” she started to object but Roy spoke over her, “because Adrien would be heartbroken and possibly homicidal if he woke up and you were in a coma from internal bleeding because nobody convinced you to go to the doctor and then he’ll have to spend the rest of his life in prison because he killed me for not forcing you to and Ollie used his money to get him the max sentence.

“Then Lian would be an orphan and Jason, Dick, and Ollie would get into a ridiculously drawn out and petty legal war over who got to take her in, which would be ridiculous because obviously Dinah would win despite not getting involved in all that. Then Ollie would either turn against Dinah, or, more likely, wear her down until she married him again, then you’d all have to be, well not you, because you’d be in the coma, or me because I’d be dead, but the rest of the world would have to deal with that clusterfuck of a public and private relationship, which would make Lian vulnerable and leave an opportunity for her mom to sneak in and appear like a more stable option, which to be honest at that point, she might be.”

He held the door open for her with an entirely too self-satisfied smile. “And you don’t want to be responsible for Lian ending up with an assassin, right?”

Marinette stared at him stunned for a few seconds then shook her head. “So that’s what that feels like. I don’t like being Uno Reversed.” She stomped through the door, or at least tried to, but the waver in her steps and light foot falls so she didn’t rattle her ribs, dulled the effect significantly. “You missed a few catastrophic options,” she called over her shoulder, “but only because you don’t know Chloe and Felix enough to know how they would have made it all worse.”

Tags:

@maribat-bdbwm @jayjayspixiepop @redscarlet95 @alice-hazelwood @deathssilentapproach-blog @unoriginalmess @alyssadeliv @emotionalsupportginger @frieddonutsweets @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @toodaloo-kangaroo @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @iloontjeboontje @wolf-for-life @maribatserver @aespades @prettylittlebutterflie @imarivers8 @certainmuffinbagelcalzone @ritacrow-blog @unoriginalmess @demonicbusiness @kking13 @lady-bee-fechin @blur-of-colours @kittenmywaythrulife @kashlyn @loysydark @nerd-nowandforever @queenz-z @crazycryptidgirl @lilfuturescars @corporeal-terrestrial @ultimatetornshipper

#maribat #roynette #biodad Bruce Wayne #Even the Losers #bio!dad bruce

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lunastrophe · 2 months ago

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Drow Lore 🕷️ Height and Weight

🕷️Drow height parameters differ slightly in various game editions, but on the average, adult drow height ranges between 4,5 and 5,5 feet (around 137 to 168 cm), and weight – between 85 and 130 pounds (around 39 to 59 kg).

🕷️Taller Females? - drow females are said to be typically taller, heavier and stronger than males, although sources are not always consistent on the details. According to some, such differences are minuscule and hard to notice on the average – and in some others, size differences between female and male drow are quite noticeable.

Also, to make things even more confusing, sometimes male drow are depicted as taller than females, not the other way around (*cursor hovering over BG3 icon*)

🕷️Possible Explanation - differences in height between female and male drow seem to be inspired by real-life spiders, since female arachnids of various species are often bigger, heavier and stronger than males. In the most extreme cases, male spiders can be tens of times smaller than their female counterparts and they can weigh one hundredth of their weight.

Drow females who worship Lolth – especially priestesses and other females from noble houses – may emulate spiders in their preferences, typically choosing males of smaller stature than them to be their consorts.

It is possible, then, that differences in height and strength between female and male drow are more common among nobles from Lolth-oriented societies, due to culturally induced selective breeding. It may not necessarily apply, though, to all drow societies.

🕷️When Male Is Bigger - drow priestesses of Lolth who openly favour taller and stronger males are apparently rare, at least in some heavily Lolth-oriented cities like Menzoberranzan. Mez'Barris Armgo, who took the largest and the strongest male drow in the city as her consort, was even being teased because of that:

Mez’Barris took all of that in stride, as well as the teasing she endured from the other priestesses, both here and out in the city. “How can you be with a man who is stronger than you?” most women asked, seeming sincerely aghast at the thought. “It isn’t natural! Are you sure that you don’t simply prefer the bed company of women?” Mez’Barris was sure. Yes, it was unusual, almost unheard of, for a drow woman to be attracted to a man so physically superior to her (…). She would take their barbs and simply smile, and never let them all know the power of her lover, and the thrill he could give to her (…). (R. A. Salvatore, Boundless)

🕷️Tall Drow > around 5,5 ft (168 cm)

In Menzoberranzan, Uthegentel Del'Armgo – standing near to 6 ft (183 cm) and weighing nearly 200 lbs (91 kg) – was considered one of the largest drow ever seen in the city. His unusual size, combined with his violent nature and superior battle skills, were sometimes making other drow suspect that he was not a pureblood drow.

Some other notable male drow warriors, like Dantrag Baenre, Andzrel Baenre or Ryld Argith, were also described as tall – Dantrag was especially tall, being closer to 6 ft than 5 ft (between 168 and 183 cm).

Among female drow who were considered exceptionally tall, there was Halisstra Melarn (almost 5,5 ft / 168 cm), Matron Mez'Barris Armgo, who was not only a priestess, but also a fierce warrior, and Briza Do'Urden, daughter of Matron Malice Do'Urden and Uthegentel.

🕷️Small Drow < around 5 ft (153 cm)

At least two drow matron mothers were considered short even by drow standards: Triel Baenre (less than 5 ft / 153 cm) and K'yorl Odran, who looked not only small, but also physically weak and unremarkable.

Iljrene Ahbruyn, priestess of Eilistraee and friend of Qilué Veladorn, was described as „tiny” and could be easily mistaken for a little girl.

For more of my drow lore ramblings, feel free to check my pinned post 🕷️

#drow #drow lore #dnd lore #lolth sworn drow #seldarine drow #dark elves #drow culture #things I learnt thanks to D&D: imperial system of measurement

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whineandcheese24 · 7 months ago

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how old is tommy

everybody's been confused about tommy's age, so I thought I'd put out my theory.

lou is 39 years old so it would make sense for tommy to be around that age. if tommy had joined the lafd right out of high school he could have been there for two years by the time chim joined in 2005 and he'd be 39.

but then we come to the problem of him being in the army. even if he had joined right out of high school, pilots have to complete a year of training, and are then required to serve for 10 years, meaning if he had completed his service, he would have to be 29 by the time he joined the lafd. assuming he wasn't a probie at the same time as chim, and he would have had to be 30 in 2005, making him almost 50 now, which doesn't feel quite right

but the key phrase in that last part is "if he completed his service". though we don't know his exact orientation, we do know tommy isn't straight, and he would have been serving in the army during dadt. if someone found out about his sexuality, he could have been discharged before his mandated service was completed.

there are a lot of assumptions and non-exact amounts here, so I haven't really cleared anything up, but personally, I like to think he's 42. he joined the army right out of high school, did his one year of training and 2 years of service before getting discharged, took a year to get his bearings/join the fire academy, and was at the 118 for about a year when chim joined, making him 23 in 2005, and 42 now. why? I'll explain

even though you legally become an adult at 18, you're still not really a fully formed person yet. if tommy was 18 when he joined the army, even if he already knew he was queer, his time in the army would have been instrumental to how he views himself and his identity, just in terms of growing up and being an adult. if he was already out and proud, the army would have broken his confidence down, and if he never accepted himself, they would have just reinforced whatever self-loathing he had. plus if he didn't even know, finding out you're gay when it could lose you your job is traumatizing. having tommy join the army fresh out of high school, and then get discharged 3 years later gives him enough time to have the training necessary to still be a pilot 20 years later, and enough time to really have been broken down by the system, while still not being too old when he joins the lafd

i don't know what the policy is for telling people why you got discharged, but if tommy could have kept it a secret at the lafd, he probs would have. obviously the writers probably weren't planning this when they introduced him, but having him not only be closeted queer, but also have him be fired for being queer adds a really interesting layer to his character and his interactions with chim and hen in the begins episodes.

and as for why have him be 42 instead of say, 41 or 43? because Abby was 42. someone pointed out that tommy and abby parallel each other in how they're both people who have helped/are helping buck better understand who he is and what he wants for himself in terms of a romantic relationship. having him be 42 makes that connection

#plus any older feels a little too old #tommy kinard #evan buckley #tevan #bucktommy #911 abc #911 season 7

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artsandculture · 3 months ago

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Lake George Reflection (1921–1922) 🎨 Georgia O'Keeffe 🏛️ Private Collection 📍 Somewhere

Painted circa 1921-22, Georgia O’Keeffe’s Lake George Reflection embodies the contradictions inherent in the artist’s best work which came to define her career and cement her legacy as one of the most enduring and intriguing figures in 20th-century American Art. Lake George Reflection, the most ambitious in scale of her works from the 1920s, is a meditation on the sublime, building upon the tradition of the 19th century Hudson River School artists who sought to capture the drama and beauty of the unspoiled landscape surrounding Lake George. Presented alternatively as both a vertical and horizontal composition, the work is an expression of the artist’s experimental thought process as she considered what it meant to be representational in an age of burgeoning abstraction in American Art. Horizontally, the painting exemplifies the boldly colorful landscapes which have become a hallmark of O’Keeffe’s career, foreshadowing the abstracted paintings of the New Mexico hills from her later years. When viewed vertically, as Lake George Reflection was first exhibited in 1923 at the Anderson Galleries, the infinite horizon shifts to a powerful vertical thrust, with the formerly symmetrical reflections of the landscape morphing into the interior folds of a magnified flower or echoing the bold and daring heights of a New York City skyscraper. This ambiguity of orientation results in a painting that is at once highly representational and wholly abstract, carefully constructed and malleable, and which defines the subtle power of O’Keeffe’s most dramatic and admired works. O’Keeffe signified the importance of certain works by including a hand-drawn star on the reverse or backing board; she noted this distinction on the verso of Lake George Reflection.

On June 10th, 1918, Georgia O’Keeffe moved to New York City. That August, she visited Lake George in the Hudson River Valley with Alfred Stieglitz, the influential photographer and art dealer twenty years her senior whom she would marry in 1924. On this first extended trip to the area, the Stieglitz family’s 36-acre retreat provided a welcome respite from the city, and one that afforded creative inspiration and freedom. “Stieglitz, like many urbanites then and now, also had a rural base, at Lake George in upstate New York, and every year he joined other members of the large family at his mother's home there. In August 1918, he was accompanied by O'Keeffe, who was warmly received by the mater familias and the sundry siblings, in-laws, and offspring of the Stieglitz tribe." (Georgia O'Keeffe, New York, 1991, p. 39) Over the next decade, O’Keeffe and Stieglitz frequently visited Lake George, spending most of every summer and early fall on the family compound, first at ‘Oaklawn’ and later at ‘The Hill.’ The landscape and its environs seemed to stimulate her creatively and she often referred to it as ‘perfect.’ The flora and fauna, and the relationship she developed with botanist Donald Davidson, a Stieglitz family cousin, provided veritable fertile ground for artistic discovery.

Just as Lake George exhilarated O’Keeffe, it also ushered in a period of creativity and artistic exploration for Stieglitz, allowing him to view the landscape through new eyes. “Although in earlier summers he had all but overlooked the landscape at his family’s home in Lake George, New York, he now began to photograph it, stimulated both by O’Keeffe’s infectious enthusiasm for the natural world and her own paintings of the area. Citing her ability to put ‘her experiences in paint,’ Stieglitz wrote that he too endeavored to ‘put his feelings into form’ in his photographs of the trees, barns, and buildings, as well as the landscape and clouds that surrounded him.” (B.B. Lynes, Georgia O’Keeffe, 2001, pp. 26-27) Whether sparked by lively competition or simply that O’Keeffe’s admiration of the landscape invigorated Stieglitz, both artists created some of their most bold, dynamic and experimental imagery during this time. Barbara Buhler Lynes notes, “Stieglitz’s investigation of equivalence began in the early 1920s at Lake George. O’Keeffe was involved with a parallel effort, working with color as Stieglitz had worked with light. Both his photograph and her painting suggest grand panoramas and infinite distances, while at the same time that vastness is overridden by patterns of flat, undulating shapes.” (Georgia O’Keeffe, 2001, p. 38)

In addition to the myriad of visual delights that the great view from the property afforded, it would not have been lost on O’Keeffe that she was on hallowed artistic ground. “As any visitor to Lake George, then or now, she would have been more aware of its role as a popular tourist destination reaching back to the early 1800s. In the wake of the French and Indian War (1754-63) and the American Revolution (1775-83), it captivated the hearts and minds of Americans, who were increasingly nostalgic about their history. The 1826 publication of James Fenimore Cooper’s The Last of the Mohicans sealed Lake George’s fate as an American icon.” (Modern Nature: Georgia O’Keeffe and Lake George, p. 23). Many 19th century predecessors captured the autumnal foliage, verdant hills and crystalline lakes, putting forth a vision of the landscape as untouched and unspoiled. These Hudson River School depictions, often dramatized with sunrises and sunsets, emphasized the sublime in nature, a concept that would have no doubt interested O’Keeffe. “Over the past two centuries, the concept of the sublime—with its immediate sensation of awe inspiring infinite space and evocative color and light directly internalized to moments experienced in our own lives—has been substantially redefined by a small number of artists, writers, and critics, for whom it has become a vital source of spiritual values at times of increased secularism.” (Georgia O’Keeffe: Visions of the Sublime, 2004, London, p. vii)

Seen as a landscape, Lake George Reflection is a meditation on the awesomeness of the open countryside of upstate New York found only a short distance from the hectic metropolis. Incorporating the groundbreaking experimentations from her early career, the rolling hills and water are depicted in the undulating forms so prevalent in O’Keeffe’s early abstractions of the previous decade. Similarly, the bulbous forms that line the foreground recall her abstract ‘Special’ series, also executed at Lake George a few years earlier. Taking these elements one step further, all is reflected, creating a virtual mirror image bifurcated by a dramatic horizontal cross-section. With its monumental scale, the resulting image echoes the images of sublimity in 19th-century art, which captured the grandeur of the landscape, an untouched splendor and a vastness seemingly born from the imagination. Lake George Reflection similarly suggests a landscape of infinite scale, confined by but not limited to the expanse of the canvas.

For the exhibition at Anderson Galleries in 1923, the first time Lake George Reflection was exhibited, O’Keeffe dictated that the painting be hung vertically. While the title suggests a certain formal interpretation to her work, the adjustment of orientation altered the viewer’s understanding of it, particularly when viewed in context with other work from the period. The change solely in orientation of Lake George Reflection, not to the painting, forces the viewer to understand the forms in a different manner. Marjorie Balge-Crozier describes this phenomenon in O’Keeffe’s works from this period, writing, “Manipulation of scale, depictions of fragments, precise lines and blurred edges, bold colors—all of these devices are used to create works that are emotional equivalents for her experiences. These are devices that can also elicit feelings of uncertainty, awe, and even terror in the spectator, whether one is looking at a close-up view of a flower or the splitting darkness of the Black Place. Paintings that are extremely minimal can appear at first as objects for calming meditation, then dissolve into uneasy questions of identity, with hills resembling body parts. In the end, the spectator is left with an equivalent sublime experience.” (Georgia O’Keeffe: Visions of the Sublime, p. 103)

Particularly when understood vertically, Lake George Reflection encourages anthropomorphic comparisons. Sharyn Udall explains, “Some of her landscapes do contain forms that—perhaps without any conscious intention on her part—insist on some relationship to the body. At Lake George in 1919 O’Keeffe produced several paintings of bifurcated glowing forms that begin as landscape but become increasingly abstract.” (Georgia O’Keeffe: Visions of the Sublime, p. 118) As a vertical work, the painting most closely relates to her magnified flower imagery, which she was simultaneously exploring. In works such as Flower Abstraction (1924, Whitney Museum of American Art), undulating lines and soft coral tones are quite clearly evocative of the delicate petals of a flower but the cragged vertical white line serves to bisect the image, echoing the compositional format of Lake George Reflection. Other more abstract works from the period, including Music—Pink and Blue No. 1 (1918, Seattle Art Museum) which was also in the Anderson Galleries show of 1923 and Grey Line with Lavender and Yellow (1923, Metropolitan Museum of Art), are similarly suggestive.

While O’Keeffe’s works, such as Lake George Reflection and her iconic flower paintings, seem to inherently suggest comparisons with the human form, something she patently rejected, the evolution of O’Keeffe from daring female Modernist to a sexualized media sensation was undoubtedly fostered, if not masterminded by Stieglitz. Beginning in 1918, he created a series of photographs which depicted O’Keeffe in the nude. “As art critic Henry McBride put it: ‘It made a stir. Mona Lisa got one portrait of herself worth talking about. O’Keeffe got a hundred. It put her on the map. Everybody knew the name. She became what is known as a newspaper personality.’ Moreover these photographs forged the first public image of O’Keeffe. She was seen as a sexually liberated, modern woman, and this idea of her became a visual equivalent of Stieglitz’s ardent and ongoing promotion of O’Keeffe’s art as a direct manifestation of her sexuality.” (B.B. Lynes, Georgia O’Keeffe, 2001)

Regardless of the source of these intimate connotations attributed to her most admired artwork, Lake George Reflection reflects the pictorial strategies that O'Keeffe developed as an avant-garde American Modernist: interest in a type of heightened realism that pushes an image to the edge of abstraction. It is this near abstraction that evokes the mystical and spiritual qualities that O'Keeffe associated with her organic subjects and which are the source of their strength. Hunter Drohojowska-Philp emphasizes the role of Lake George Reflection in pioneering this element of O’Keeffe’s best work, explaining, "In the spring of 1923, O'Keeffe incorporated Stieglitz's cloud motif into a pair of abstractions redolent of her earlier interest in Art Nouveau, Pink Moon and Blue Lines and Red Lines. Pink Moon and Blue Lines returns to a palette of magenta, lemon, and aqua arrayed in vertical waves on either side of a pink moon on a deep blue ground. She knew she was breaking down aesthetic barriers. Later, she said, 'When I entered the art world…you weren't supposed to paint yellow…and pink pictures.' Red Lines shows vertical waves of pale blue and buttressing columns of deep red divided by a think pink line. Both compositions derive from O'Keeffe's bisected canvases of the Lake George horizon, but upended. This technique began in her show with the vertical display of Lake George Reflection, a predictable landscape except that the horizon line runs up and down and is enlivened with pastel bubbles. Collector Peggy Guggenheim admitted that she could not decide which way to hang it. Studying photographs taken from various perspectives was enhancing O'Keeffe's ability to paint pictures that could be interpreted in multiple ways--paintings that could be hung vertically or horizontally." (Full Bloom: The Art and Life of Georgia O’Keeffe, New York, 2004, p. 219) Painted at the height of O’Keeffe’s most courageous and innovative creative output, Lake George Reflection confirms her prowess as a master colorist, daring modernist, avant-garde thinker and provocateur.

#Lake George Reflection #Georgia O'Keeffe #Private Collection #1921 #1922 #oil on canvas #oil painting #painting #American Modernism #Modernism #american #art #artwork #art history

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