#Or because I am constantly revising this 'verse

[wowbright]

Fic: Wisdom to Listen

Klaine Advent 2022: give

Words: ~ 1,100 words

Rating: Teen and Up

Summary: Blaine can't sleep. His body is telling him something.

I’m back with more vignettes from my Mormon!Klaine universe for Klaine Advent 2022! This vignette takes after Recognition and simultaneously with the first part of Losing My Sleep (it’s sort of a mirror fic).

My Mormon!Klaine Masterpost. (Klaine Advent bits in bold; Klaine Valentine in italics and bold.)

_________

Blaine couldn’t sleep. He’d tried prayer. He’d tried counting backwards from a thousand in German. He’d conjured detailed images of an idea he had for an alternative animal shelter, where cats lounged in an enormous, sunlight-filled pavilion outfitted with a forest of enormous cat trees reaching the vaulted ceiling. Some of the cats watched birds and butterflies outside floor-to-floor windows, while others lazed atop tall towers in napping bliss. He imaged the scene down to the color pattern and length of each cat’s coat, and the little patches in the cat tree coverings that had been clawed bare.

Finally, in a variation of counting sheep, he imagined the cats jumping through a hula hoop, one by one.

But none of it worked.

Part of the problem was that Blaine was vaguely horny, which was making him tense. He'd thought of releasing the valve in the shower after they got home earlier that evening, but it didn't seem urgent. Despite what Elder Hummel seemed to think, Blaine didn't go at it every opportunity he had. Blaine believed in moderation in all things, and he'd already provided release for himself twice since Sunday.

The problem, he thought, was not so much that he was horny, but that he was lonely. That should be impossible. He’d spent all day—all week, all month—with his best friend, and now that same best friend was sleeping in the same room with him.

But Blaine had an ache inside him that even Elder Hummel’s presence could not fill. It had started somewhere in the middle of singing Circle of Our Love and grown through their evening meetings with investigators and the bus trip home— when, instead of asking Blaine to sit with him, Elder Hummel had suggested they get in more contacting time by sitting next to strangers.

The only relief had been just before bed, when Blaine hugged Elder Hummel good night. In that moment, with Elder Hummel's arms wrapped tight around him, Blaine felt sheltered from every bad and frightening thing, and he was no longer lonely.

Back in middle school, the answer to this feeling had been easy. He'd go over to Sam's house or Sam would come over to his, and they would sit in Sam’s bed or his own and watch movies and read comics and talk and talk until they wore themselves out. They’d fall asleep next to each other, and even when they weren't touching, Blaine could feel Sam's warmth near him, and he knew he wasn't alone.

The sound of shifting blankets caught Blaine’s attention. Elder Hummel stood from his bed and walked over to the dresser.

“Can’t sleep?” Blaine flicked the nightstand light on.

Elder Hummel blinked. “Not really. Thought I’d get out my MP3 player and listen to my sleep songlist.”

“I can’t sleep either. I've tried prayer and counting backwards in German and imagining the perfect animal shelter and counting cats—”

“Cats?”

“Yeah," said Blaine. “Like counting sheep, but with cats.”

“Of course. I should have known,” Elder Hummel said with an amused smile as he settled back onto his bed. “Is something bothering you?”

Blaine didn't know the answer to that question. He felt lonely, but was that a feeling of botherment? And the only reason he felt lonely was because he had felt the opposite of lonely while singing Circle of Our Love with Elder Hummel on the streets of downtown Ingolstadt. He had felt connected to Kurt in a way that surpassed the moment or the physical trappings of their lives. He still felt it, partially. But something was missing. It was the easy intimacy he used to share with Sam during sleepovers—being in each other's space without invading each other’s space, because somehow the world around them seem to grow bigger when they were alone together.

“I don’t know if I’m bothered,” Blaine said. “We were busy today, so I should be exhausted. But maybe I got too amped up instead.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Elder Hummel said.

Blaine shook his head, his gaze absently fixed on the MP3 player in Elder Hummel’s hands. Blaine remembered when he had been the object in Elder Hummel’s hands, when Elder Hummel had held his head and spoken on behalf of the Lord: I bless you with the wisdom to listen to your own body. “Does that MP3 player have a speaker?”

Elder Hummel looked down at the gadget in his hands, as if he'd forgotten it was there. “No, just headphones. Why? You want to listen?”

“I thought it might help. But if there’s no speaker—”

“We could share the headphones,” Elder Hummel had said.

The last time they had done that had been less than a week into their transfer together, sitting together on Blaine’s bed just before Kurt came out to him. The memory warmed Blaine's heart. I bless you with the wisdom to listen to your own body. “We can’t really do that without sharing a bed,” Blaine said, testing the waters.

Elder Hummel frowned. “I'm not sure that's a good idea. It’s against the rules to sleep in the same bed at night. Too much crowding.”

If those were Elder Hummel’s only objections— Blaine clapped his hands together. “I know!”  He jumped out of his bed and tugged on the frame until it made a loud creak and scraped across the floor.

“What are you doing!?” Elder Hummel said in a loud whisper. “You could wake the downstairs neighbors.”

“No, they moved out last week. Remember?”

“Fine. But you could gouge the floor. And I still don’t know why you’re moving furniture in the middle of the night.”

“Oh.” Maybe Blaine had been rash. Maybe they weren't on the same page. “I thought …” and Blaine had to pause for a second there, because had he really thought? Or had he just done? On the other hand, what was wrong with just doing sometimes? The scriptures said I will go and do when the Spirit prompts, not I will think about it for twenty years first and then maybe do. “If I move my bed next to yours, we can share the headphones.”

“Oh,” Elder Hummel said, his face momentarily expressionless as he processed this new piece of information. But then he broke out into a smile not unlike the one he'd worn as they’d sung Circle of Our Love together. “That works.”

[topazadine]

Signs That You Will Probably Finish Your Writing Project

Anyone can finish a book if they work hard at it, even if it takes them longer than someone else. That's right: anyone. Anyone, anywhere, can write a book. Maybe it won't be the best book in the world, but it would be done!

But most don't. Many start a project and never do anything else with it. They then come up with a million excuses as to why they couldn't do it.

After speaking with dozens of writers over my lifetime, I've become able to predict with good accuracy whether someone will actually achieve a completed first draft. I am not always right, of course, because I am simply a human. But I am right most of the time.

There's no rocket science here, and I'm not a mindreader. It's just that there are certain habits conducive to finishing projects, and others that stymie your success.

I know that this will upset some people, and I'm sorry in advance. I'm not saying any of this to be mean, nor am I trying to discourage you. All these bad habits can be fixed, though it requires a mindset shift. You can achieve all of these powerful mindesets with some of the tips I provide.

Why should you listen to me? I have a pretty good track record of finishing things. I have 132 stories available on AO3, have published two parts of The Eirenic Verses, and am already revising the third manuscript before the second is even out. I've finished three of the other manuscripts in the 10-part series already in addition to the aforementioned third part.

It is the mindset I mention here that helps me stay so productive. This is not exhaustive. There are probably plenty of things that go into a great writing mindset that I have completely forgotten about. And maybe you'll beat the odds and have one of these issues but still get it done! And that's great, and I'm happy for you.

But nevertheless, let's get into it.

You have healthy self-esteem (or are working on building it)

I'm dead serious here. Having a healthy self-esteem is crucial to being a great writer. Here's a few reasons why:

You believe your work is good enough as it is, but that it can always be better. You think you have something important to say and that other people will enjoy it. You are not shooting yourself in the foot by bemoaning how terrible your writing is, making no one want to read it. You self-soothe when things get frustrating (writer's block, plot not working out, etc) and encourage yourself out of that hole rather than needing others to comfort you. You believe you have the skills to solve problems in your text and remain proactive in fixing things. You don't get absolutely obliterated by critique because you recognize that it's not a personal attack, so you improve by taking good advice. You don't think that rejection of your writing is rejection of you as a person. Your happiness doesn't hinge upon success as a writer, which may not happen no matter how good you are. You're willing to take risks, to talk to people about your work, and to market yourself because you understand that you won't get success without a bit of exposure.

What are some signs of low self-esteem for writers?

Not wanting to show anyone their writing yet also talking about it constantly hoping that others will want to read it

Talking about how bad their writing is

Getting jealous of other peoples' success

Being hypercritical of other writers

Talking more about their failures than their successes

Dismissing any praise as disingenuous

Needing constant reassurance at every part of the writing cycle

Being a perfectionist, especially during the active writing phase

Constantly revising to the point where they don't get anything done

Obsessing over perceived imperfections in their work

Avoiding getting feedback after they have completed a draft

Just as with everything else in life, your mindset plays a huge role in your success as a writer. Having healthy self-esteem (not an overinflated ego) will serve you much better than being overly critical of yourself or others.

Knowing you have the skills and talents necessary to tackle your project (because you do) will help motivate you when things get tough and keep you from giving up at the first sign of trouble.

Look, I had a shit childhood and a rocky start to adulthood. But I've managed to scrabble up some good self-esteem juice, and I am sure you can too. It takes time, and it looks different for everyone, so I'm not going to tell you how to do it because I don't know you personally.

However, fixing your mindset and believing in yourself does wonders for your writing - more than any expensive course, more than a personal editor, more than any of that. Trust your own process, and you'll reap wonderful results.

You think of yourself as a writer first, not an aspiring author.

Though my profile says I'm the author of The Eirenic Verses, that's not how I introduce myself. When people ask me what I do, I say I'm a writer. Because it's true: I write business stuff for work, and I write fiction for self-fulfillment.

When I was still working on the first book in the series, I did not call myself an aspiring author. I said I was writing a book. I've never called myself an aspiring author once in my entire life, and I'm glad for that.

Why is this important?

"Author" is a status, but "writer" is an activity. Anyone can publish one singular book and be an author, but only people who write regularly can call themselves writers.

"Aspiring author" is a dead-end title. It means you want something but haven't achieved it. Then you become an "author" and ... what? That doesn't mean you're going to keep writing. It just means you did one thing, once.

For sustainable mindsets, we need to remind ourselves that if we want to be something, we have to do something.

No one calls themselves an "aspiring scientist." They call themselves a scientist in training because they are learning how to be a scientist. That's an active title. It implies you are doing something.

So, if you want to keep doing, call yourself a writer. It reminds you, every single time that you tell someone, that you need to write. You'll feel guilty if you call yourself a writer and then haven't written anything in five months, and it will compel you to keep going.

You don't worry about what happens after finishing.

Fussing about what will happen after you finish is the best way to burn yourself out. The writing phase is about writing, not about revising or publishing or marketing or whether anyone will ever want to read it.

Focus on one thing at a time. Think only about the writing when you are writing. Everything else comes at a later date.

You do not announce WIPs when you start them.

There's this author I follow over on Twitter whose name I will not share. It seems like every other week, she's announcing a new WIP with a pretty moodboard and a name and characters and so on.

She has little emojis and "code names" for each of her WIPs, and she'll "drop hints" about all of them every once in a while, all mysterious and Taylor Swift-esque.

Has she published anything? Nope. Nothing. Nada. A whole lot of talk and not a lot of action.

Why are you announcing something you haven't even done? Why are you telling us about a project that you personally haven't devoted much attention to? Why should we care about something that you haven't cared enough to work on yet?

I have a list of my WIPs for The Eirenic Verses because they are all in the same world and all have to exist for the next part to make sense. I don't have a choice to drop them if I want to finish the series. I didn't create that WIP list until I had already decided on each of the parts and had already published the first book, so now if I want to keep people reading, I have to commit to them.

But if you have dozens of different unrelated WIPs, who is to say that you'll finish all of them? You probably won't.

Announcing a WIP before you have done the work is cheating; you're getting a little dopamine hit of everyone telling you how excited they are rather than a dopamine hit of achievement for doing the thing.

You do not talk excessively about your projects.

The more you talk about your work, the less you get done because you are tricking your brain into thinking that you are actually getting things done.

Again, you get the dopamine hit of people saying "ohhh that's so cool I love it!!" and then you are happy that people liked your idea, and then you don't do the idea because you don't need to. You already got the result you wanted, which was people telling you they liked it.

Great authors don't tell anyone about their projects except in the most general, vague sense before they are well underway, because they don't want to jinx themselves. If you're already staying mum about your work, then you're doing great.

And yes, your constant updates of "here is exactly how much I wrote today" every single day does count as talking about your project.

You are okay with going it alone.

The Active Writing process is the loneliest part of writing. No one is looking over your shoulder and encouraging you. It is only after you get to Percolation and Revision that you start to share your work with others, get feedback, and find ways to improve what you already have.

If you need someone to constantly build up your confidence and tell you that you're wonderful and that you should keep going, then you are not likely to finish because you are constantly talking about your work instead of doing it.

Writers need to be comfortable with solitude, but they also need to be willing to network, get feedback, and listen to other perspectives. It is a balance and it all depends on where you are in the specific stages of this given project.

When I'm working on a project, I tend to just avoid other writers entirely and stick to my other activity groups so that I'm still getting social stimulation but don't feel encouraged to share details of my work.

Those other friend groups do not really care about the ins and outs of writing, and that's perfectly fine; they don't need to. If they're willing to show up and cheer me on when I actually finish the project, great! That's all I need.

Constantly needing to check in with other people and having them rubber-stamp your writing is a sign of a lack of confidence, and it's something you need to work on it if you want to finish anything.

Be okay with going it alone. Be okay with waiting for feedback. Trust in yourself and your writing.

You have a process.

Your process doesn't have to look like mine to be successful. I've shared my process so that those without a process yet can get some inspiration for how to organize themselves, but there's no rule that you have to do it like me.

I will say that my process has achieved great results, but I'm not omniscient; maybe there's an even better way of working that I don't know about yet.

Every writer goes about things a different way, and that's totally fine. What matters is that they are getting things done in a manner that they like and that is working well for them. Even if their approach would make me want to tear my own skin off, I cannot and will not judge. They've got their thing, and that's perfect.

You need to have something that guides you so that you can replicate your successes. Scattershot approaches get scattershot results.

Contrary to how it may seem, I am not actually a very organized person. I work on both Google Docs AND Word for different parts of the process because I like doing it that way, but it would probably drive someone else insane if they like to use things like Ellipsus or Scrivener.

But it works for me, and if it ain't broke, I'm not going to fix it. If what you has is doing well, then keep at it. If it's not working for you, then you have many options to better organize and systematize your work.

You worldbuild as you go along.

This is specifically for fantasy and scifi, two of the genres where I see people crash and burn the most.

That's because they set everything up to perfection before actually doing anything and then just ... don't do the thing. Or do the thing in fits and starts because they spent so much time and energy worldbuilding that they don't have any creative juice for actually writing anything.

If you have like one chapter done but you have a full bible-sized guide to your lore, you've gone about things in the wrong order. Now your project becomes about fitting all of that in somewhere instead of writing an entertaining story, and you're far more likely to fall into the Infodumping Trap. You're making things too complicated.

In my guide to worldbuilding, you'll notice that the things I encourage people to emphasize are little things that don't have anything to do with the plot. One cannot build a plot around a cultural dish.

And I emphasized those things on purpose, because those are things that aren't going to overtake your story and become a substitute for actually creating something people want to read.

When I started writing The Eirenic Verses, I had a pretty simple premise: there's one country that has poetry magic and one that doesn't, and there's a giant mountain range between them and the girls are fightinggg.

That's about it for what I had at the jump. All the other things - lore, mythology, religion, international politics, festivals, cultural consciousness, economy, clothing, etc - all came later, as I was writing.

I didn't set out knowing what festivals the Bremish had or how the royal family works in Sina or what the towns looked like or exactly how High Poetry works or any of that. I discovered all of that during the writing process and noted it down so I wouldn't contradict myself.

By focusing only on the "what if" at the start, then infusing the rest as you go along, you will avoid the sin of infodumping because you don't know what to infodump. Things will just come to you as they make sense, and you will include them as relevant. You don't have anything to infodump on the reader.

You remember that you can always revise.

And lastly, great writers worry about getting the draft done. They don't fret over every word because they know that they can get it looking flawless LATER. They just want that rough draft, and then they seek specific feedback on how to improve that draft.

My third book, Funeral of Hopes, is extraordinarily short right now. after finishing the first draft, I then sent it to a great beta, who offered me suggestions for how to lengthen it, and I'm now fitting those new puzzle pieces together.

I knew as soon as I was done that I needed more, but I wanted to let it sit for a bit and get some suggestions for how to do that. If I had spent ages trying to lengthen it the first go-round, I probably would have gotten frustrated and given up. It's okay to just have the bare bones of the story and then seek out feedback; there's something there to scaffold off.

If you'd like to read more of my work, consider buying my book!

9 Years Yearning is a gay coming-of-age romance set in a fantasy world. It follows Uileac Korviridi, a young soldier training at the War Academy. His primary motivations are honoring the memory of his late parents, protecting his little sister Cerie, and becoming a top-notch soldier.

However, there's a problem: Orrinir Relickim, a rough and tough fellow pupil who just can't seem to leave Uileac alone.

The book features poetry, descriptions of a beautiful country inspired by Mongolia, and a whole lot of tsundere vibes.

You can also check it out on Goodreads for a list of expanded distribution.

Be sure to preorder Pride Before a Fall, arriving January 1, 2025!

If you do purchase my book, don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are vital for visibility on Amazon and help to support indie authors like me. Whenever you love a book, be sure to let the author know! It's much appreciated.

I've also created a masterlist of writing resources that you can peruse at your leisure, all for free.

Enjoy!

[antlerqueer]

More psychologists and psychiatrists *need* to watch Yellowjackets and analyze everything. I'm dead serious I need more professional doctors that will analyze all this fucked up show together with us the yellowjackets (btw why don't we have a fan fandom name for ourselves? Maybe because we're not 16 ) Now discuss

We kind of have a fandom name! The official TikTok has been saying the hive, but in the discord server I'm in we call ourselves the book club.

I would love to see queer psychologists/psychiatrists weigh in, especially women, but I'd be slightly wary mostly bc my thoughts on the institution are that it's an exploitative, bias-ridden educational system that unfortunately is only just now working on undoing the sexism/racism/ableism/classism/etc baked into it. (Gets off soapbox.)

But yeah! I talk about the show with my therapist and since I've been receiving professional mental health services since I was a kid (and at some point decided to take a couple of classes in college) I like to pretend I'm well-versed in enough to provide some insights with a critical enough lens. I think the way the show is handling trauma in women is honestly so incredible and unbelievably respectful given how traumatized women in media are almost instantly villainized by the narrative and audiences.

I am, of course, wary that the only women whose mental health issues exist beyond the trauma of The Wilderness and Misty's pre-crash bullying are women of color - that seems to be something the showrunners wrote unintentionally, then cast Lottie as a woc, and didnt revise post-casting. I hope they deal with these sensitively as it moves forward and we see more of the other girls, but since the surviving/named supporting cast is mostly woc (Gen, Crystal, Akilah, Mari compared with iirc just Melissa) I'm not entirely sure how they could remedy this. Natalie has pre-crash trauma that looks to have developed into PTSD and is an abuse survivor, so she's likely dealing with CPTSD but we don't see that much in her teen years storyline beyond substance abuse (which stopped in the forest) and the one flash of her dad as the plane was going down. We see Shauna grieving but it's only been two months - she's having a trauma response on top of the existing trauma of the wilderness. That's not mental illness (yet) that's just being constantly traumatized.

Misty is. Y'know. Misty.

[mpregstory]

Dylan (3) [REVISED]

A few minutes after the post there are already comments. Dylan's best friend writes "food-beer-belly, haha" and a school friend "Are you now a cosplay from a pregnant woman? A hot cosplay. Girls stay strong! You shot the photo extra like this. Everyone looks down at your pp, sweetie" Dylan Laughs, his belly bobbing a little. He opens Netflix and continues his series.

Late night:

The last episode of the current season has ended. Dylan was already half asleep. He turns off the television and stumbles into his bed. There he sits down first. "Good night baby"

The day before due:

The sun is shining brightly on Dylan's face. He wakes up and wants to turn around, but his huge belly doesn't let him. He gets a little bigger every day because his body constantly produces amniotic fluid. Dylan grimaces. "Are you kidding me? Baby, I can hardly get up, you are that tall!” He sits up heavily. "Holy crab, I have to go to the bathroom first." Only slowly and with much effort does he make it to the toilet. There he has to sit down because he is too weak to pee while standing. Then he washes his hands and sits on the couch. "Apparently you decided to spend the day on the couch" Dylan holds his belly with one hand while switching through the programs. "Ouch!" The baby kicks him very hard. "Hey, what's this about? Did I do something you don't want? Your kicks hurt so much, yes?"

Two hours later:

The baby kicks again. „Dude, what's your fucking problem!? Leave me alone! You will piss me off long enough if you are in the world so don't do that now!“ Dylan is annoyed. This belly is so exhausting! He has been sitting on the couch with his legs apart for days and sees his BabyBelly growing in between. He doesn't do more anyway, just grow, grow and grow. He sees his reflection in the distance, sitting with the tight boxer shorts. The mirror is huge and reflects his entire room. The baby kicks one more time! "FUCK, DUDE!!! I AM NOT JESUS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, SO STOP KICKING!“ Dylan feels A enormous bang and Dylan looks nervously in the mirror. His gray boxers quickly turn dark and wet. "Oh God! Did I get too upset? Holy shit! You are not coming now!“

This story was written some time ago. But I wanted to change some verses. You can find the original version here

[moriganstrongheart]

On Firefly, Mediocrity and Problematic Media

When I first set to writing this, I intended to write a review of Firefly. I had recently rewatched Firefly and its tie-in, semi-sequel movie Serenity with my fiancée, and I wanted to express my thoughts on it. But I put the original first draft aside after writing two sentences and did not revisit it until months later. By then, I found I was no longer interested in reviewing Firefly, opting to explore issues of underlying misogyny and mediocrity in media instead. I think that Joss Whedon’s work is a good case study for these problems, as he exists simultaneously as a folk hero of sorts when it comes to speculative fiction, and as the harbinger of the now divisive Marvel Cinematic Universe. And Firefly being so beloved by its fans, I think it's worth diving deep into its problems to illustrate my points.

Perhaps the best way to demonstrate Firefly’s problems is in how it appeals to its fans. While I find the character interactions the best aspect of the show, I’m sure that quite a few fans—primarily young, white males—are attracted to the space western setting of the show and all the trappings that come with it. The Verse is filled with guns, alcohol, rape, savages and prostitutes—everything a new frontier needs, or so I expect is the intent. I don’t think these are ever the focus of the show, nor are they something Whedon ever places on a pedestal as ideals to strive for. But they are a part of the worldbuilding, and so were included with intent. There has been a debate for several years among fans of speculative fiction on whether worlds inspired by historical periods or specific cultures should include these so-called “less favourable” aspects of that period or culture, or if the speculative nature of the fiction should allow for their exclusion. I want to make it clear that I am in the second camp; I don’t believe that just because a fantasy world is set in a medieval time period that women shouldn’t be allowed to be knights, or that aliens or people of colour have to necessarily be slaves in a colonial space opera. It is speculative fiction after all, and we are under no obligation to hold ourselves to any supposed cultural or historical accuracy.

This is, of course, ignoring the fact that the cultural and historical accuracies being strived for have flawed origins, having been decided by academics with their own bias, or even maybe their own agenda. I would make further arguments that historical fiction and literature are themselves often coloured by the author’s intent, and so certain aspects are accentuated while others are ignored or downplayed in order to tell a specific story—often to the detriment of minority groups. It’s impossible to divorce bias from one’s work, no matter how objective the work claims to be. This has been proven time and again, evidenced by the revision of textbooks throughout the years.

Regardless, counter arguments to the exclusion of “less favourable” elements are normally that doing so waters down the source material, diminishing its authenticity and, more interestingly, it represents a disagreeable emotional sensitivity on the part of the opposition. This point of view assumes that the opposition is averse to certain perceived realities in the world, and that the narrative they want to ascribe themselves to would be unrealistic and, as such, not entertaining. In reality, all parties are involved in some form of escapism. The outcry for realism is a smokescreen for the desire to keep a specific form of escapism, one which can only be described as a violent, misogynistic power fantasy. The source of this outcry—again, predominantly young white males—sees the inclusion of bigotry and sexual violence as essential to their viewing experience, as they take enjoyment out of them. That isn’t to say that having violence, sexual themes or social inequality don’t have a place in fiction; they just need to have a purpose. Without purpose, they are only there to service the twisted fantasies of the target audience.

For an example that brings us back to Firefly, it never really feels like Irana’s career as a courtesan serves any other purposes than as an excuse for partial nudity, sex scenes and for Malcolm to call her “whore” on the regular. There are times where her position as a high-ranking courtesan opens doors for the Firefly crew, but this is a contrivance of how courtesans work within the Verse, and not a part of the skillset she has accrued to become a courtesan. The only true exception to this—that I can remember—is her role in grooming the magistrate’s son in the episode Jaynestown, which directly affects the primary conflict. Apart from this instance, none of her meaningful contributions to the plot necessitate her being a courtesan. She could have just as easily been someone with social or political clout. However, this wouldn’t have allowed for her to be the ship’s prostitute, there only to drive Malcolm up the wall and have someone he could call “whore” without guilt. As such, it became necessary for Whedon to not only make her a sex worker, but to create an entire system around her which would give her importance to the plot. In essence, he wanted his cake and eat it too. It’s disappointing, as the idea of having a sex worker being an important member of the main cast is interesting enough as a concept to explore. Ideally, this person would be treated with respect by others for their work, and their value should come from them as a person, not from a fabricated social status.

As a side note, I acknowledge that most people in the show respect Inara, but it is because of her fabricated social status and not because of who she is as a person. The only people who respect her for who she is and what she does are women and the one person of colour on the crew.

There are a lot of other small decisions within Firefly that show Whedon’s intent, such as the characterizations of River’s mental illness and Jayne as a character. I can’t help but wonder if Firefly were produced today on HBO or Netflix, if the showrunners would have allowed the inclusion of far more sexual violence and bigotry in hopes of attracting a larger audience. Because while we have collectively become much more cognizant of issues like diversity and the portrayal of women in media, shows with portrayals of sexual violence and bigotry tend to perform better overall. Unfortunately, the vocal minority shouting their preferences on social media only helps to reinforce this trend.

However, I don’t want to make the wrong impression. Sexism, racism, violence and bigotry are not the focus during Firefly’s runtime. In fact, Whedon generally does a good job of representing healthy relationships, strong female characters and positive representation of people of colour. For example, Zoe and Wash’s relationship is very admirable, and Kaylee is perhaps the best character on the show. The problems exist beneath the surface, informing everything from story conflicts to character motivations. Whedon comes off as a guy just wanting to have some fun, someone who is cool and trendy, just rude enough to be interesting, but knowing where to draw the line. Really though, he’s just the best of a bad lot within the entertainment industry. A lot who are, unsurprisingly, white men catering to their younger selves.

As a white man myself, I am constantly checking myself and the works I create to ensure I am providing a compelling story while avoiding trappings indicative of a male power fantasy. Because of the environment I grew up in, it can be easy to rely on tired old tropes instead of thinking of meaningful and interesting things to write. Does that mean that catering to the needs of a diverse audience is too difficult, and as such, is detrimental to the creative process? I don’t believe so, despite what many may believe. If anything, it forces writers to think of novel, more captivating stories that don’t rely on tropes and power fantasies to work. I believe that the reason people have become so weary of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and similar works is because they all rely on a power fantasy to function. I myself have grown tired of seeing the same story over and over, and it is only in the last decade that I realized the reason for this is that most people behind the works I consume are—again—white males catering to their younger selves.

This has led me to question if it’s right for me to have my voice heard at all. Would I not just be another straight, white male entering a space already filled with the same? Perhaps, but I don’t think the intent of fostering diversity in media is to exclude white people. In fact, if people like Whedon were the worst in terms of what white males have to offer the entertainment industry, I think we’d be in a better place. The problem is that the majority of the media we consume today is problematic and doesn’t allow for any variance from what’s trending among a young white male audience. All I can do is hope that shows like Firefly can be used as a learning experience for creating more compelling and varied stories. Stories should rely on interesting characters, worlds and the interactions in between them to be entertaining, and not on fulfilling the twisted power fantasy of the audience under the guise of realism.

[tartxglia]

Smitten // Bang Chan

Pairing: Athlete! Chan x Cheerleader! Reader Genre: Fluff Requested: Yes by anon Words: 7.3k+ Warning: Little bit of sexual tension but not smut level

A/N: Sorry this took so long! Sorry if I don’t mention much about cheerleading or get technical, I’m not very well versed in it :( I tried my best with it, I hope you like it anon~

It wasn’t every day that you fell for boys on your first night out in the new town. Or in this case, fall on them.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!” With how packed the club was, you expected the pushing and shoving but you weren’t expecting to be thrown into some guy’s arms. As a natural instinct, your hands came up and held onto the closest stable source in order to avoid falling–the source being this random guy in the club.

“No no, no worries. I hope you’re okay.” He was nice enough to grab onto your forearms, helping to stabilize you until you were back on your own two feet. 

Now on both your feet, you finally look up to meet the eyes of the owner of the gentle voice. 

Wow, you feel your breath taken away. His wavy blonde hair was styled perfectly to fall across his forehead and away from his eyes which seemed to reflect tenfold every dim lighting in this club. There was a small gentle smile on his face as he greeted you and it made you putty in his arms (quite literally since the two of you had yet to separate). God, he was cute and you were smitten for him.

“U-uh yeah I’m good. Sorry for the sudden uh-” Realising that you were still in his hold, you finally let go and so does he. You smile in thanks but neither of you takes a step away from the other.

“No really, it’s okay. It’s pretty packed in here huh?” He smiled wider and gosh was that a dimple? Pretty sure you were swooning in plain sight at this point.

“Yeah, no kidding is it usually always like this?” You ask, taking the opportunity to start a conversation with the cute guy. 

“On Fridays? Always,” He chuckles and god dammit even his chuckle is cute. “The college kids love to come here after a tough week. You new around here?”

“Uh yeah,” All of a sudden you’re nervous and fiddling with the hair in front of your face, tucking it behind your ear, flashing a shy smile, “Starting college soon.”

“Hey,” you feel him nudge you lightly with his elbow, prompting you to look back up at him. “How about I buy you a drink then? A treat for the newbie?“ 

His head tilts sideways following his question and his smile is gentle as ever. His eyes are soft and clearly, he doesn’t mean it in any motive other than friendly. 

A cute guy was asking you out? Did this count as asking out? Oh god, your heartbeat picked up and you were nervous but you thanked whatever gracious deeds you had done in your past life to deserve this.

Your shy smile widens and just as you’re about to accept his offer and ask for his name, the phone in your back pocket blares with a call. 

"Sorry, I gotta take this,” you flash an apologetic smile and fish out your phone, finding the call to be from your best friend who you had previously lost in the crowd.

“Rina? Rina hey,” you’re shouting down at your phone, one hand plugging your ear as you try to make out what she was saying. 

“Y/N! Y/N Y/N Y/N my bestest world friend!” What-‘bestest world friend’? Was she drunk? Already?

“Rina are you drunk?”

“Drunk????? God forbid no!” The evident slur of her words was contradictory to her claims, this girl was drunk. 

Sighing, you can only close your eyes for a moment before replying back, “Hey, okay Rina I need you to move towards the toilet, okay? I’ll meet you there. Go there, now, got it?" 

You finally put your phone down and face the cute guy again, "Sorry, I really gotta go.”

“Yeah, no problem! Looks like your friend is having a bit of trouble, huh?” His gentle expression never once wavered, you kinda felt bad turning him down like this.

“She tends to go a little crazy when unsupervised, yeah,” you lightly chuckle at your own statement and he returns it. “I’ll hold you up to that offer next time?” Gosh, you hope your face doesn’t give away your hopeful expression, that’d be embarrassing. 

He lets out a light chuckle once again, glancing down and ugh he’s so cute, “Yeah, I hope so." 

With a final flash of his cute smile and adorable dimples and your shy smile in response, you back away, off to look for your cockblocking best friend.

It never occurred to you that you had never exchanged names with the cute guy until you were dragging your drunk friend towards a cab. Somewhere in the middle of her drunk ramblings, she asked what you were up to and that’s when it hit you. You had no idea how to refer to the cute guy except for ‘cute guy’. 

Ever since that day, Rina’s been teasing you for not even managing to exchange names with the cute guy, to which you retort by calling her out for her interruption. Still, you described his features to her, the way he talked and how kind he seemed and Rina was convinced you fell in love with him.

Unfortunately, you haven’t seen him ever since then, not even around your college. He seemed like a college student, just like you, albeit probably senior to you but still. Thoughts of him always lingered at the back of your mind from time to time but you had no time to be swooning over a guy you barely knew. As a med student, you already had a lot on your plate and now that you were in training for the cheerleading squad, your plate was overflowing. You didn’t complain about it though, you truly enjoyed studying medicine and you equally loved the art of cheerleading. 

Plus, there were many other cute guys right on campus–Kim Seungmin for example. He was also in medicine and you shared quite a number of classes with him, even working on a few group projects with him. He had a refreshing feel and exuded the kind of gentle and innocent vibes that a lot of girls on campus seemed to like. While you weren’t blind to his beauty and charms, you simply didn’t view him as a possible romantic partner and so your friendship with him very quickly thrived. In a matter of weeks alone, you found out just how maniacally evil he is underneath those innocent looks and he cracked your shy shell to find the confident sassy woman you are underneath. 

When Rina found out you were classmates with Seungmin, she just about stopped breathing. When she found out about your growing friendship with him, she just about fainted. It was on one rainy weekend, you and Rina huddled on the sofa discussing gossip as one does with their best friend, that you learnt out about Kim Seungmin and his eight friends. Apparently, there were nine guys spread across your college, Covern, and your rival college, Rashford. Kim Seungmin, Yang Jeongin, Kim Woojin, and Lee Felix attended Covern while Bang Chan, Seo Changbin, Han Jisung, Lee Minho, and Hwang Hyunjin attended Rashford. The nine friends were as thick as thieves, yet separated into the two biggest colleges of the area who also happened to be rivals. These nine were also known for their handsome looks and kind personalities that made them extremely attractive to the female college student population. 

Of course, being the kind of person you are, the next time you saw Seungmin you didn’t hesitate to bring this up. The sly smile on your face as you approached him didn’t go unnoticed and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t the least bit worried about what was going on in your head.

"Kim Seungmin,” you began barely being able to hold in your laughter, “you’re so good looking, you’re so popular! What did I do to deserve you as my friend?” At this point, you have the fakest awestruck look on your face, your hand dramatically on your forehead, your eyes glancing at Seungmin. The only response you get from him is an eye roll and a sigh, the typical Seungmin response.

“You found out about me and my friends huh?” He quickly goes back to the book on his desk, revising the content for today’s class. You finally drop the act and slide into the seat beside him, constantly nudging him as he stares down at the book below him.

“I knew you were popular with the ladies, Seungmin,” you hear him groan out loud at that statement, “but being in a whole boy band of good looks? That’s a whole another level.”

“We are not a boy band.” He’s quick to snap in reply and you can only snigger as you continue teasing him.

“Anyway, when were you gonna introduce me to your fellow boy band members?” He narrows his eyes at your choice of words but gives up fighting you. With another sigh, he finally turns his body in his seat to properly face you.

“You know the game happening this weekend?”

“The basketball game?” You had heard that basketball season was starting soon. Not because you were a huge basketball fan, but more because of the preparation the cheerleading team was going through for the upcoming tournaments. “What about it?”

“Well, my friends are playing–as the opposing team that is–and then we’re gonna have a party, at my house. I was gonna invite you to meet my friends there.”

“Woah woah, am I being personally invited by the Kim Seungmin?” His shoulders sag and his face is deadpan at the fact that you continued the joke. Before he could possibly retract his invitation, you quickly straighten yourself up. 

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you’re still giggling here and there, your hand on his arm asking him to calm down. “I’d love to meet your friends, send me your address?”

He nods and the conversation ends there just as the teacher walks in and starts class.

You can’t suppress the light shiver you feel as you enter the air-conditioned gymnasium with Rina. The bleachers are slowly filling up and the place is in a buzz as students of both Covern and Rashford gather to watch the big match. You register the squeaking of shoes as the players warm up as Rina and you do a quick sweep of the bleachers for an empty spot. With a quick wave towards Seungmin who you had spotted sitting with his Covern friends, you and Rina finally sit down and face the court.

Off to one corner, you see the cheerleading team prepping for their performance. You’d join but you weren’t declared ready yet, still in need of a little more practice getting used to group dynamics and performance skills. They figured you’d be ready by the next tournament and you couldn’t wait to finally show what you had been working hard on. On the court, you see your college’s team players in white and gold in one half and the other team in black and red on the other half. Rina is beside you squealing over the good-looking friends of Seungmin as well as some of the Rashford players and your attention is brought to them. Your jaw drops and you swear you’ve stopped breathing this time as you register the cute blonde hair guy from the club among the players. 

“That’s him,” your voice is quiet and you mumble more for yourself rather than Rina but she catches it anyway. 

“What?”

“That’s him, that’s the cute guy I met at the club. The blonde one there.” Her head snaps to look at you but you’re just gaping over at the Rashford team. Oh god, he was wearing a sleeveless jersey. Dammit, this was basketball of course he was wearing sleeveless. Your eyes soak up the beauty of him, his blonde hair that’s left unstyled but still falling perfectly on top of his black headband. His biceps that bulge and tense as he dribbles and maneuvers the ball with ease, and the veins on his forearms as he flicks his wrist for a hoop shot. Fuck he’s cute and really hot? Unfair.

You’re snapped out of your trance admiring him as Rina suddenly snaps upright, screeching, “You met Bang Chan?!" 

Your eyes widen and you’re aware of the slight hush that fell over the gym at Rina’s exclamation. He, who you now knew was named Chan one of the nine heartthrobs, probably heard it too but you didn’t dare look in that direction. You quickly grab onto her wrist and tug her down to sit back down. Unwillingly, your eyes flicker to the Rashford team to find Chan looking in your direction. You see recognition in his eyes and oh god you wanna curl up and hide in embarrassment. 

"Rina, will you shut up?” You practically hiss at her, “Nice going, now he knows.”

“Y/N you met Bang Christopher Chan! At the club!” She’s still holding a shocked expression.

“Yes, I know that thanks,” you take the moment to look back towards Chan. He has a slight smile on his face and you send him a small shy wave in greeting.

“He was gonna ask you out!” Rina squeals as she punches your arm in excitement. 

“He didn’t-That doesn’t count.” You pout as you rub the sore spot on your arm. 

“Oh Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” she swings an arm around your shoulders and faces front towards the court again, “you’re cute, I’ll give you points for that.”

You’d reply but you’re too busy admiring Chan again who has gone back to warming up with the rest of his team. When you don’t respond, she continues, “You gotta put your game face on girlie, you got a man to seduce.”

This time you don’t have a response apart from the stuttered “No!” you managed to squeak out.

Parting with Rina post-game was both easy and hard. On the one hand, you couldn’t wait to get away from her and her teasing remarks cheering you on to seduce Chan and “get some.” On the other hand, you were now nervous as heck about going to Seungmin’s party. She left you with Seungmin, but not before giving you many winks and sly nudges. Seungmin noticed the weird behaviour and when he turned to question you about it, you simply raised a hand and stopped him right there. Surprisingly, he lets it drop and instead leads you to his car, making light chat about the game on the way to his home. 

“So you must already know Jeongin, Felix, and Woojin quite well,” he began and you lightly nod in response while admiring the sights outside. 

“I wouldn’t say 'well’, but I do know more about them than the rest.” You glance at him from the corner of your eye and the sight of him watching the sides of the road for oncoming cars as he turns into a curb almost makes your heart flutter. “Jeongin is working towards a teaching degree, Felix majors in dance and Woojin is a lit major, right?”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised you’d know more about them since they study here in Covern. My other friends are Rashford students; Chan, Hyunjin, Minho, Jisung, and Changbin.” The moment he mentioned Chan’s name, your heart fluttered and you push down the smile fighting to appear on your face.

“Chan is the uh-the basketball player right?” You try to coyly ask while also hiding your growing interest.

“Yeah, Chan or sometimes otherwise called Chris, he’s a music major in Rashford and he’s also caught your eye, what’s up with that?”

Your peaceful scenery gazing is interrupted by his unexpected comment and all of a sudden you’re choking on your own spit. 

“Cau-Caught my eye? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You try your best to put on a poker face, recovering from the choking fit you just had. All you can do is look outside, unable to meet eyes with Seungmin who is now chuckling at your flustered state.

“If you wanna play hard-to-get with that denial game, that’s your choice,” you finally see him pull up into the driveway of a home you assume is his, “But just saying, he has just as much interest towards you.”

By the time you’ve registered what he said and recovered from the shock of it, he’s already opening his side of the car door. You gape at him as he exits the car, and continue gaping as he slyly smirks at your flustered expression.

He’s leading you towards his house as you stutter questions regarding his previous comment but he keeps quiet with that damned smirk on his face. Instead, he opens his front door and immediately you’re welcomed with the ruckus going on inside his house. There’s a chill but upbeat melodic tune playing from what you presume to be his living room where you see most of the boys inside, another few in his main corridor heading to raid his kitchen. 

“Yah!” The loud exclamation from the otherwise demure boy beside you makes you jump and you turn to see him walking into his kitchen, chasing the boys who just went in. You’re left at his doorstep, feeling slightly awkward and lost, but not for long as you’re accompanied by an arm slung around your shoulder. 

“Hey! You must be Y/N, right?” You trace the cheery voice to be the owner of the arm slung across your shoulder and you can only shyly nod in response. The guy has dark blue hair and a bright expression on his face. His smile is really cute, especially considering the cute squirrel-like cheeks he had. His whole demeanor exuded soft vibes that easily relaxed you into a smile, making you feel comfortable in his arms as he leads you into the living room towards the rest of the boys.

“I’m Jisung,” he flashes a smile and you coo inside at how adorable he looks. He waves a hand forward and you pull your attention away from him to the five boys huddled in different areas of the couch. “Guys come meet Seungmin’s friend!”

Five heads turn to face you and you flash a small smile in greeting, your eyes sweeping the crowd of faces. Your eyes snap first to the familiar faces of Felix and Woojin, before realizing you didn’t know the other three in the room.

“Hi I’m Y/N, Seungmin and I are classmates.” Your eyes sweep the living room once more before confirming that Chan wasn’t in the room and you didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. Still, introductions and names were exchanged all while Jisung’s arm remained around your shoulder. Surprisingly, you didn’t mind it despite the fact that you had just met the guy because he exuded such calm friendly vibes that you easily accepted that he was a touchy person. 

All of a sudden, the arm on your shoulder is slapped away and you turn to find yourself facing Chan. He has a bun in his mouth, and his eyebrows are furrowed at Jisung, glaring at him as he backs away from you with his hands raised. Your breath hitches at how cute Chan looks with the food still in his mouth, and your heart flutters at the thought that perhaps he was jealous of the skinship between you and Jisung. But you quickly dismiss that thought as your eyes finally meet his and you’re melting again at how gorgeous Chan looks with his showered wet hair that dangled down his forehead.

“H-hi,” you shyly greet him finally and he doesn’t snap out of his trance until Seungmin lands a blow on his back. His hand snaps up to pull the bun out of his mouth and he straightens himself up, clearing his throat.

“Hey, I’m Chan or Bang Chan, or Chris,” he begins to ramble a bit in his introduction and you nearly let out a giggle at how cute he is when flustered. “It’s nice to finally meet you again,” his smile stretches wide and his dimples are on full display, and you have the strongest urge to poke one.

“HA!” You’re interrupted as you gazed at Chan with the softest smile on your face. You jump in shock once again, your hand on your chest to soothe your heart and you wonder how many more times you’ll be shocked tonight. Chan and you face the living room to find most of the guys with knowing smirks and you can only wonder why.

“So you’re the girl who had Chan smitten at the club!” One of the guy remarks in complete glee, jumping at the chance to embarrass his friend.

“Wha-What yah! Seo Changbin!” Chan’s voice is squeaky in response and you let a small giggle slip, hiding your elated laugh behind your fist as you watch the horror and embarrassment dawn on his face. Bang Chan was smitten by you? Cute. The light red tint on his cheeks? Adorable. Just as Chan was about to lunge at Changbin, he’s stopped by Seungmin who has one arm around him and the other around you. 

“Now now, you’ve just finished a game,” Seungmin is surprisingly very good at mediating and you wonder how many times he’s had to do this. “Let’s just sit around and chill for the night, get to know Y/N!”

The night passes in the blink of an eye when you’re surrounded by nine dorks. Loud laughter and chatter filled the room as the ten of you got to know each and while you’d admit these guys were gorgeous, their personalities were amazing. Somehow these guys were both smart and dumb. You’ll probably never comprehend how such a contradiction was possible but that was the last of your worries as Jisung made you cry from laughing too hard at his jokes, as Felix taught you the weirdest meme dances, and as you fawned over how precious Jeongin is. If you were anywhere near as drunk as Minho and Hyunjin were, both of whom were singing ballad songs to each other by the way, you’d probably be coddling Jeongin and declaring him your son. 

But you make the responsible choice (since no one else in this house seemed to be up for that) to step out in the backyard for a quiet moment to yourself. The air is slightly chilly but the cold freshens you up and it feels good to be breathing in the fresh air. Somewhere behind you, you hear the backdoor opening and closing but don’t bother to face who entered. You’re gazing up at the night sky when said person stands next to you, also taking a moment to breathe in the fresh night air.

“Needed a moment to yourself? Completely understandable,” you hear him chuckle and you automatically register him as Chan, despite not knowing the guy for very long. 

“Yeah,” you hum in response. “Not in that way though, don’t get me wrong you guys make for an amazing company.” Chan doesn’t reply and the two of you are left standing beside one another, enjoying the silence and each others’ presence. Your eyes don’t stay on the night sky for long, as they trail down to gaze at Chan’s side profile. His jaw was chiseled and sharp, his eyes gleaming once again despite the dark environment he’s in. He’s breathtakingly beautiful and you worry he can hear your heart thundering in your chest at the effect of his beauty. But the moment quickly passes as Chan starts a chat that allows the two of you to get more acquainted with each other in a more private setting away from the loud boys. 

You don’t know how long you’ve spent chatting with Chan outside, but you enjoyed every second of it. He was kind even in the way he spoke and you learn more about both his mature and goofy sides. The two of you discussed deep morals, shared the latest trending memes, and conversed about everything in between. You learnt all about him; from his love of music and rap group named 3Racha compromised of Jisung and Changbin to his dog Berry and adorable siblings. You’d spend all night with him, in this moment, the hushed chatter between the two of you, the occasional comfortable silences, and laughs and giggles filling the air.

“So…” you start up the conversation this time as your previous one fades away. Your voice sounds light and you can’t help the small smirk that grows on your face as you think back to what Changbin had said, “You’re smitten for me, huh?”

Chan’s face snaps to yours, making immediate eye contact and your laughter fills the otherwise silent air at his gaping face. You don’t quite know where this confidence was coming from, but you definitely like the way he reacts to you. Just as you’re about to continue teasing him, his body snaps to face yours and he takes a bold step closer to you. Your breath hitches in your throat, no longer laughing at him and now he’s the one with the smirk on his face. He takes another step closer and you find yourself at the edge of the porch fence. It digs into your back and you’re trapped as Chan encases your frame with his large one, his two arms trapping you. 

“You say that as if you aren’t just as smitten for me, babygirl,” his voice is quiet, just barely above a whisper but it’s husky. That along with his term of endearment has you weak in the knees. You swallow in nervousness as your eyes trail up his face, admiring his features once again, pausing for the slightest moment at his lips before continuing up to meet his eyes. His gaze is intense and you’re lost in them, in him. Out of habit, you bite your lip in nervousness and his eyes snap down to watch the action, letting out the faintest groan that you barely catch. 

When his eyes meet yours once again, you see him move closer, or is it you who’s moving towards him? Your noses are brushing, the sensation sending light tickles down your spine and you breathe him in as your hands grasp the sides of his shirt, scrunching the material in your fist. Lightly tugging, you finally pull Chan down, closing the final distance between the two of you and your lips lightly brush his-

“Chan!” There’s a sudden whine coming from inside and the two of you spring apart. At the backdoor appears Jisung, his cheeks flushed as red as yours and Chan’s but not for the same reasons. 

“Changbin is bullying me,” he pouts and his already chubby cheeks puff out that much more. Suddenly, you don’t have it in you to be mad at the poor drunk guy. Chan, however, is clearly sick of his bandmate/friend’s drunk bullshit. He lets out a sigh before turning back to you, his cheeks still a bit red but his blush is quickly fading. 

“I’m really sorry,” the poor guy sounds sincere in his apology and you give him a soft smile.

“No no, it’s okay we should be heading in now anyway." 

Chan’s shoulders slightly sag in disappointment, but he nods in response and gestures for you to go first, "After you.”

It wasn’t long after that when Seungmin finally called it a night. Some of the guys chose to stay over, and the others headed out back home like you. It also didn’t take long for Rina to be on your ass about the post-game party and Chan. You told her about how the two of you enjoyed a light conversation before you dropped the bomb that you nearly kissed him that night. Rina ran circles around the room, squealing in excitement for you and you could only chuckle at her antics. 

When she had finally settled down, she asked if the two of you had settled a meeting and that’s when you were left dumbfounded. It never even occurred to you to ask Chan to meet you again. Once again, you were astounded by the level of dumbassery you were able to achieve. You groaned and grumbled about it to yourself for a couple of days, but the weekend quickly passed and Seungmin let it slip that Chan felt just as dumb for not asking you out. Your mouth easily twitched into a shy smile, but you quickly looked down to your fiddling hands to try to hide it.

Seungmin offered to help the two of you arrange something but the following week passed in a blur with your final cheerleading practices and Chan’s basketball practices for the second game next weekend. It was both mentally and physically tiring, practicing for cheerleading while juggling studies. Every night you’d return home, jump into the shower, then sit down to study until the late hours of the night and into the early morning. You imagined it to be the same for Chan who had mentioned the upcoming intense practices at Seungmin’s party. As a result, neither of you were even available to meet up for a date anyway. Ah, the life of a college student is tough.

When the weekend had finally rolled around once again, you were finally performance ready and itching to cheer on your team for the second game against Rashford. Your cheerleading uniform had arrived sometime midweek, giving you plenty of time to get used to the skintight material and short skirt. In the afternoon, you prepared your makeup and outfit with Rina and the rest of the cheerleading team, and in the evening you did a final marking run through with the team. By the time the game began, you were definitely ready but the nerves in your stomach said so otherwise. You didn’t know whether it was because this was your first time cheerleading in front of a crowd or because you knew Chan was going to be there. The thought of him sent butterflies in your stomach and you tug the ends of your uniform, feeling nervous about being in such a short skirt in front of him. 

The signal to go on the court was given and you put on your game face as you stepped out in front of the crowd. They cheered at the sight of your cheerleading team and you automatically smiled in response. The pre-game performance went smoothly and the fact helped soothe your nerves. Throughout the whole performance, you could feel Chan’s gaze on your but you didn’t have the courage to look back at him. You missed the mixed look of surprise and adoration on his face as he watched, entranced and impressed by your performance. His eyes took several laps gazing up and down your figure, soaking in how gorgeous you looked in the cheerleading outfit, how beautiful your confidence was in a performance. He was hooked on you, smitten for you, and he wondered whether he’d be able to pay attention to the game with you looking like that. 

Before he knew it, the referee was prepping both teams to start off the game, and he was whisked off to his position on the court. His performance started off flawlessly. His head was in the game, he was analyzing his opponents’ moves; predicting their moves and coming up with counters. With the help of a few of his teammates, he easily managed to score a couple of points within the first few minutes. A mass of sweaty bodies hugged and gave quick congratulations to him before dispersing and he takes the moment to wipe the sweat off his brow, push the hair off his face. His eyes unconsciously trail over to you, who seems to be setting up for another performance with the cheerleading team. 

Since the opposing team had managed to score points so early in the game, the team and you had decided that a quick cheer would help the team morale. As a result, you and three others were setting up in preparation, planning what would be done. Once decided, you took your stance and began your performance. The routine was quite simple but included a moderately risky stunt on your part. Upon your execution of it, the crowd let out a resounding gasp and for a moment you thought it was for you. That is until you were landed safely on the ground and allowed to look around you.

There was a huddle of players in one spot of the court and through the legs of the many players, you could spot a blonde head of hair on the floor. Immediately you let out a gasp and run towards them, worried about Chan who seemed to be groaning and on the floor. 

“Move, move! I’m a med student!” Your remark has the crowd of players parting way for you. You hurriedly kneel down next to Chan and survey his whole body for any evident signs of trauma, broken bones, etc. 

“Someone call the nurse! Quick, what happened?” Your voice is harsh and snappy but you don’t have time to be mushy.

“He zoned out mid-play and got hit in the head with a basketball,” one of the players standing behind you starts, “he fell down from the shock and I think he might have hit his head too.”

Fuck, if he was hit in the head with a basketball then hit again on the way down, your first concern was whether he had a concussion or not. Now that you knew what had happened, you immediately check his head for any bumps or bleeding. Chan’s eyes are squeezed shut and he seems dazed as he groans and moves his head side to side. Upon feeling your fingers press on a certain area, he lets out a loud grunt and you know it’s where he hit his head. Fortunately, you don’t feel any bumps or bleeding. 

“Someone pass me a phone. Now.” You’re quickly handed one and you quickly fidget with it to pull up a flashlight. Chan’s eyes are still squeezed shut so you go to open his eyes with one hand, the other flashing the flashlight as lightly as possible into his left eye first, then his right. You let out a sigh as both pupils dilate with reaction to the light and hand the phone back to one of the hands behind you. 

“Chan?” You start lightly, stroking his wet sweaty hair away from his forehead. “Hey Chan, I’m gonna need you to keep your eyes open, okay?”

You only hear him groan in response and you continue calmly stroking his hair with one hand, the other resting on his arm. When he finally opens his eyes, he grimaces at the bright lights before focusing on you. You send him a small smile and nod approvingly at him.

“That’s it, that’s it. Stay awake okay? You probably don’t have a concussion but I need you to stay awake anyway, keep looking at me, can you do that?” Your shoulders sag in relief at the fact that Chan seems completely responsive. Considering his responsive pupils, no bleeding or bumps on his head, he probably didn’t have a concussion but it was always good to be safe than sorry anyway.

“I could stare at you all day, babygirl.” In any other situation, you might have blushed and felt flustered at his comment, especially considering the crowd around the two of you. But not here, not now. Still, you let yourself chuckle at his comment and just as you open your mouth to reply, his eyes roll up and he falls unconscious. 

All of a sudden you’re back to panicking, both your hands now cradling his face and trying to get him to wake up. Your breath hitches but not in a good way. In the middle of your ramblings as you try to get him awake and the constant soothing stroking of his hair, the nurse finally arrives and tells you she’ll handle it from here. Chan is quickly transferred onto a gurney and carried off to the nurse’s office, you following closely behind in worry.

Chan opens his eyes to once again face the bright white ceiling lights of the nurse’s office. He’s lying on a bed and after getting his bearings, he straightens himself as he reaches for the glass of water on the bedside table. Just as he takes a sip, the door opens and in marches you who seem to be pissed off.

“Bang. Christopher. Chan.” Pissed off at him, apparently. Wasn’t he the injured one here?

“Hey Y/N-”

“You fell unconscious. You fell unconscious!” You’re quick to cut him off. You were so worried when he passed out, fearing the worst case scenario that he might slip into a coma especially considering he hit his head. 

“Woah, Y/N slow down-”

“You had a head injury then you fell unconscious when I told you to stay awake! 'I could stare at you all day’ didn’t last very long did it?” You knew you were being unfairly mad at him, but you couldn’t help it considering how anxiously you waited for the results of his imaging tests from the doctors, hoping and praying for it to not be a concussion. Thankfully it wasn’t.

“You could have had a concussion, Chan. And if you fall asleep when you have a concussion you risk falling into a coma. Do you realise how dangerous-”

You’re cut off by the tug on your wrist, and the fall you experience before landing with a thump on Chan’s upper body that remains upright. Just as you begin to scold him, he’s snaked a hand up your arm and to the back of your neck. He gently pushes your head forward, moving closer himself, before finally sealing his lips onto yours. The feel of his lips of yours is euphoric. The touch is as soft as his eyes that first fell on you at the club, as soft as his presence as he kept you company in the backyard of Seungmin’s house. You’re quickly swept into a fervor of kissing Chan, your lips pushing onto his and molding into one. 

You take a shaky breath in, still caught up in the kiss and Chan tugs you the final stretch to bring you on his lap. You straddle his thighs, your hands snaking up to his hair and giving light tugs to which Chan responds with small moans. At this point, the two of you are separating constantly for air, but your lips never stay apart for long. One of you is quick to pull the other back down, sensually moving your lips together as you drown in each other and forget the outside world. Kissing Chan is thrilling, addicting, another level of sensory pleasure and adventure. He’s soft and yet rough, slow and yet fast, savouring the moment but also hungry and passionate for more. Pushing you closer to him, pushing his lips harder on yours, sucking and biting your lips. 

Perhaps it’s the pent up sexual tension from last week at Seungmin’s party, you suppose. The two of you had nearly kissed only to be interrupted and it seems the near kiss had the two of you on edge for the whole week. You know Chan is a gentle person, but the kiss conveys the strength of his feelings towards you. You’d keep kissing him forever if you could, but you’d be damned if you let things go anywhere in a hospital of all places. 

 So with a final, long kiss just connected your lips with his, you finally part. Your eyes open to see his staring at yours, and both of you think even stars don’t shine as bright as the other’s eyes. You let a small, shy smile take over your face and you bite your lips out of nervousness. You don’t miss the flicker of Chan’s eyes to your lips before he speaks.

“Sorry, you looked really hot during your angry nerdy talk.” Chan sheepishly smiles at you and you melt on his lap, groaning and hiding the wide smile on your face with your hands. Chan brings his hands up to lightly grip your wrists before removing them from your face, wanting to see your breathtaking smile in full view. You comply and drop your hands to his shoulders instead, your face suddenly taking a serious expression.

“Bang Christopher Chan,” you begin to which he coyly raises an eyebrow, “when I tell you to stay awake you stay awake, you got that? You better listen to me from now on, mister." 

A wide smile takes over Chan’s face and he nearly coos at how cute you looked, trying to be serious on his lap. Regardless, he gives in with a chuckle, "Yes ma'am." 

You nod in approval then hook your fingers behind his neck, letting your expression drop as you pull him closer and kiss him on the forehead. His hands automatically find a place on your hips, keeping you seated on his lap, as he closes your eyes to embrace the feeling of your soft lips. 

He hums in contentment before opening his eyes to look up at you, "So what’s a med student doing being a cheerleader?”

“What’s a music major doing on a basketball court, one of the best players on the team?” Your retort to him is snappy and he swears he falls for you even more. 

“Touché,” he’s chuckling at your snarky response and he pulls you close to rest his forehead on yours. 

“So,” he continues once again, “What do I need to do to have my own cute cheerleader? Cheering for me and only me from the sidelines?" 

"Hmm, how about a dinner date and I’ll think about it?” You smile teasingly at him, withdrawing from him to put on a thinking face. 

“What?! Hey, I’m injured here, you still not gonna cheer me on?” Chan’s hands trail up from your hips to your sides, giving you light tickles. The feeling makes you squeal in laughter as your hands automatically go to grab his, trying to push them away from you. 

“I said I’ll think about it!” You manage to squeal out in the midst of your laughter. Chan’s face is overtaken by the wide smile and he’s thriving as he soaks up the beautiful sight of you, on his lap, with the widest smile and the sun shining down perfectly on your hair, sparkling off your eyes. He finally stops and you settle down, still in his lap. 

“We gotta go, you’re cleared for dismissal so you can take me on that date since you’re so smitten for me.” You peck his lips and quickly climb off his lap before he recovers from your teasing. By the time he snaps out, you’re already down and standing beside his bed, helping to gather his things and he can only pout in your direction.

“Hey, come back, that wasn’t a proper kiss!" 

Bonus:

Needless to say, in the next Rashford game that wasn’t against Covern, you stood in the bleachers wearing a large black and red jersey with "BANG” written on the back. His jersey reached just above your knees and you were practically drowning in it every time you wore it. The first few times, you grumbled complaining that it made you look like a midget but Chan was quick to soothe you with long comfy hugs and constant kisses all over your face. He’d never get over the sight of you in his jersey, it made his heart melt even as he was on the court and it took everything in him not to get distracted. But he had promised he wouldn’t and he made sure not to. Instead, taking every second of his breaks to stare adoringly at your figure enthusiastically cheering him on from the bleachers, loudly chanting his name regardless of how far he was from you. 

Bang Chan was smitten for you, he’d admit it in a heartbeat. And you were equally as smitten for him, one could say you fell for him at the club–both literally and figuratively.

[thorne93]

Unforeseen Chasm (Part 8)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count: 1537

Warnings: Language

Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shannon, 

It's good to know you are receiving the letters. Trying to find a raven was rather difficult, but Thor managed to borrow his father’s. This feels almost like Harry Potter, doesn't it? Writing via letter, and sending it through magical realms on a bird? Hehe.. I wasn't sure the raven would even know how to find you. 

I miss you and Lucky very much… I hope you're giving him a kiss every night for me.

I am going to go mad. But I take solace knowing that Tony will ask you on a date very soon. Believe me, Shannon, that man is head over heels for you. It will be any day now.

That is good about Jane. She will be a great asset to the team, I'm so glad my data helped you. 

I am sending the phone back with the raven. I hope you can upload the photos and see what I see. And as a matter of fact, King Odin has asked for my help. He is looking into getting me a job with some elite scientists. Thor told him of my work on Earth and he felt my skills should not go to waste. I am looking into studying their atmosphere. 

Shannon, this world is incredible. They have fruit sweeter than candy, meat that needs no seasoning. They use and believe in magic. Queen Frigga and Loki are well versed in magic, probably what we would call witchcraft back home. I tried to take a picture of them performing magic, but the energy won't show up. But yes, Frigga and Diane would get along great! 

Funny story, I got a “formal” portrait of the royal family. It took a lot of begging on my part, and convincing on Thor and Queen Frigga's. It looks amazing. Odin is on the throne… you'll see. Thor lets me take all the pictures I want. Frigga is shy, but she allows photos so long as it is in the evening. Odin forbids them except for the portrait. He was not amused when I tried to take a selfie with him. Loki, I tried to steal a few photos of him, but he is clever and wise to me. 

I decided to drop a note at Loki's door. He seems to be quietly brooding, constantly on edge. I thought maybe if I reached out, and gave him the chance to approach me, it might be better. I basically told him in the note I know what it's like to be overlooked, to be unwanted. I told him that it doesn't matter what his father thinks of him, or his brother. What matters is what he feels his worth is. I dropped that at his bedroom door this morning, so we shall see. 

He hasn't spoken to me since I broke up their fight two weeks ago. It’s killing me. I can't explain it but I desperately wish to get to know him. I want to help him, and I don't know how to get him to open up to me.

No promises about the battles, hehe. My footwork is getting better, or so Thor and Sif tell me. Tomorrow I will practice against Fandral, which makes me very freaking nervous. Wish me luck. 

The books about Asgard actually aren't foo far off the correct path. There are a few things I need to revise but so far we've gotten it mostly right. I am going to have to stress how stunning this world is. I may even update some of the politics. They run things somewhat differently.

I will ask Thor what he would like from Earth, for his gift, haha.

The news on my parents is promising. The data team here has been going through records and they've found birth records for my month and year. When they find a female baby with my similar characteristics they'll let me know… I hope to know something soon. 

I miss you. 

Love, your bff,

Y/N/N

——----------------------------

Dear Y/N/N,

It's so good to hear from you again, I was hoping to get a letter soon enough you have no idea what's been going on over here.  It feels like im awaiting my letter from Hogwarts except this is so much better! I’m sure Odin doesn’t mind that we’re using his raven. The raven thing works well, although it did give Lucky a good scare when it flew over his head to land on the lab table. 

Speaking of Lucky, he’s been doing alright there’s a few times where he’ll cry because he misses you but I’ll be sure to let him know you asked for him. Ever since I snuck Lucky in and Tony caught me giving him a bath, he’s arranged for us to have a room to stay in. Although Tony won’t admit it, he does like seeing Lucky in the morning. Bruce even makes us have breakfast. Lately Lucky’s been disappearing a lot from my side, he usually lays down under my desk and watches me work, and you won’t believe where I found him. I found him sleeping in Tony’s bed. Seems he’s gotten Tony to actually get to bed most nights. 

Speaking of Tony, you can take solace because I overheard him talking to JARVIS about planning a dinner date for us two but he’s unaware that I heard. He asked me out the next day to say I'm nervous is an understatement i have no idea what to wear I wish you were here to help me pick my outfit. I don’t know about head over heels for me but he did seem different after he asked me out. 

With looking at the research I was able to retrieve for her, I showed Pepper the results and was given the go ahead to fund any further research she makes so as long as I’m able to read through and add to our file. She’ll be getting a letter soon. I’ll let you know how she reacts seeing as you two are good friends. 

I’ll be sure to upload the pictures onto the system and try to locate the heat signals off the energy from their magic. I’ve made some changes to the system. Just make sure its secured on to the raven good so we don't lose it. Seems like Odin is a bit of a stiff man. Does he ever smile?

Good to hear that even on another planet you’ll be helping further some sort of research. They are very lucky to have you there. You have to tell me more about it when you start working. 

It must look formal with how Sif and the other warriors were dressed it must be something out of a story book. In sure Queen Frigga is private about herself which is quite normal, are you planning a way to get pictures of Loki in anyway? Don’t tell me you plan on asking to be taught magic by either of them as cool as it would be there must be some risks. 

Glad to hear your still trying to help Loki but I’m not sure he’s looking to connect just yet maybe give him some more time? Try and get to know him rather than just getting him to see you two are equals?  

Y/N, so help me I will find a way to get to Asgard, don’t you go riding into battle unaware of whether or not your truly Asgardian. Sounds to me like Sif has her work cut out, you always were a quick study kinda girl. Wish you the best of luck and that you knock Fandral off his feet. 

I could send you the book to you so you can make the changes as you see? I’ve finished reading through it and with what you know now it’ll be even better. 

Maybe I’ll send him poptarts he did seem to enjoy those when you told me. Haha 

I'm sure you’ll get the answers you need soon enough, Y/N, try not to stress too much about that. 

Lucky and I miss you too.

Your sister,

Shannon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List:

@essie1876

@magpiegirl80

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked

@iamwarrenspeace

@marvel-imagines-yes-please

@superwholocked527

@missinstantgratification

@thejemersoninferno

@rda1989

@munlis

@thefridgeismybestie

@bubblyanarocks3

@igiveupicantthinkofausername

@kaliforniacoastalteens

@feelmyroarrrr

@kaeling

@friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo

@damalseer

@heyitscam99

@yknott81

@sorryimacrapwriter

@glitterquadricorn

@xxqueenofisolationxx

@little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama

@bittersweetunicorm

@alyssaj23

@sea040561

@princess76179

@thisismysecrethappyplace

@sarahp879

@malfoysqueen14

@ellallheart

@breezy1415

@marvelmayo

@random-fluffy-pink-unicorn

@cocosierra94

@hardcollectionworldtrash

@capsmuscles

@marvelloushamilton

Loki:

@lostinspace33

@ultrarebelheart

@lenawiinchester

@esoltis280

@tngrayson

@wangdeasang

@harrymewmew

@jayfantasyatyourservice

UC:

@lokis-high-priestess​

[iamanartichoke]

Why do you feel that way about fandom? (In regards to your latest reblog)

Ah, I’m not sure if I know how to explain it, but I’ll try. (This got long, so I’m really sorry.)

The thing is, I first got into the Loki fandom early in 2018, so I’m coming up on about two years of being active here. That first year was so fun and exciting; I was elated to be able to discuss my Loki theories and meta with like-minded people, and I was so happy (and surprised!) at the attention my fic was getting.

I was also still at a point where I believed IW was going to blow our minds, so there was that extra kind of thrill of suspense (and a bit of fear but, when you believe in the MCU and haven’t yet lost faith in its writers/directors, the fear is surface-level and adds to the thrill - there’s not really the accompanying dread and despair). 

IW was a crushing blow to that, of course, but even though we were all devastated, we were all devastated as a fandom. We were still in it together; we had one another to vent to and cry with and share fic with. “Loki is alive bc reasons” became kind of an unwritten rule in most post-IW fics; we all agreed that Loki deserved better. 

In 2019, two things happened: one, I was underemployed and dragging my feet on finding better employment due to my mental health, which ruined my life for a little while. I had to move back in with my parents, which (I love them and am grateful they were willing to support me, but) was a toxic environment. I was too depressed to indulge in my escapism the same way (fic and fandom) and my progress on my stories slowed way down. I’ve never quite been able to get back the momentum I had when writing Sanctuary, but that’s another issue. 

The second thing that happened was, obviously, Endgame came out and whatever theories and hopes the fandom was collectively holding onto about Loki were crushed. Not only that, but the portrayal of Thor seemed to amplify the divide in the fandom between the pro/anti Ragnarok argument. 

It seems, to me, that what was a series of battles or skirmishes only became an all-out war after Endgame. That’s only my perception, of course, but I do feel that the latter part of 2019 saw the divide grow larger and larger. Everyone had opinions on what the “correct” portrayal of Thor was, and how it related to Loki, and whether fanon Thor and Loki’s relationship was founded in canon or not. Everyone was defensive of their own point of view; bullying and name-calling and anon hate became more widespread. 

Again, this is just my observation. Those who’ve been on the front lines since Ragnarok came out probably have a much different perspective; I’m only talking about what I observed bc it directly impacts how I feel about fandom these days. 

So here we are in 2020; like I said, I’ve been here about two years. I haven’t rewatched any of the Thor movies in ages (although @delyth88 and I are talking about it), because they make me so sad and also so angry. Sad for what we had, angry for what could have been. So much wasted potential. Loki’s horrific end hangs over everything, as does Thor’s radical character change, and I don’t have the same excited outlook about the characters and the meta potential anymore. 

Not having watched the movies in a long time, along with that feeling of “ugh” around them, impacts me creatively bc I’m not actively feeding my writing inspiration. For me, fanfic writing comes from being so full of feels about the source material that I just can’t get enough and I need more. I draw my inspiration from things like watching Loki’s facial expressions, catching subtle moments between Thor and Loki, analyzing the way they speak, thinking about the story choices happening, and so on, and so on. 

My source of inspiration has dried up, in other words, which has made it hard for me to keep a good writing momentum going. I was feeling great when I rewrote Sea, and then my inspiration kind of plummeted again - this time, bc I felt that I did such a good job rewriting and the response was so positive, I didn’t know if I could finish the rest of the story as well. Like I was already setting up the second half to fail, bc it would be much more “rough draft” than the first - revised and polished, yes, but not gone over with a fine-toothed comb the way the first part was. 

The truth is, I carry a lot of stress and anxiety around my writing. I am always incredibly anxious that no one actually likes my fic, that no one is reading my fic, that people think it’s stupid or pointless, that my quirky humorous touches are ooc, that my plotlines are convoluted and boring and my sex scenes awkward and non-existent. 

I’m having trouble with the Valki relationship bc I haven’t watched Ragnarok in so long, I’ve forgotten how much chemistry was between them and how it made me feel. I’ve forgotten why I chose to pair them up in this ‘verse in the first place. And I worry about that, too - that the people who read my stories for the Valki are walking away unsatisfied. 

So that’s where I am with fic writing - slow and steady, still trying to find my footing, still secretly assuming what I write is shit.

This is on top of feeling more and more isolated on tumblr, mostly because of the aforementioned tensions and overall negativity that’s erupted in the fandom. I have been unfollowed and blocked by people who were once mutuals; I have been blocked by people I’ve never spoken to before. 

There’s so much stress surrounding the things I post now - I’m constantly thinking, have I worded this correctly to convey my meaning without shitting on someone else’s opinion? Is this post going to be the one that makes this or that mutual unfollow me? Am I tagging correctly so my pro Ragnarok mutuals don’t see my criticism, and vice versa? Can I still post pictures of Chris Hemsworth, who is possibly the only man in the world I am definitely attracted to, which is a shame bc I agree that he’s kind of a douche now? But he’s so beautiful, but I have to disclaim that it’s just his face I’m attracted to? If I reblog this post about Loki that I think is hilarious, but is also founded on the flat stabby villain characterization, will I alienate my anti friends? Does it imply I don’t understand or appreciate Loki and that, by reblogging the thing, I’m endorsing a shitty characterization? 

And so on. It makes scrolling my dashboard uncomfortable and un-fun, bc I end up saving tons of posts to my drafts without reblogging them, and after awhile I am not enjoying myself, so I stop scrolling. 

But this means I miss tons of mutuals’ posts, and I was trying to check individual blogs for awhile but I kept falling further behind, and there were more and more posts I’d missed, and I’d get overwhelmed and then feel like they probably hated me anyway at this point for being a shit mutual, so I might as well just keep lurking on the dash for ten minutes and call it a day. 

On top of that, I haven’t read fic in awhile bc of this mindset, so I haven’t commented, and then when I don’t get comments it’s like, well, maybe the story’s not shitty but no one’s reading it bc what do I expect when I’m not reading theirs? You’re not special, Charlotte. 

The worst part about all of this is that none of it should diminish (and hasn’t diminished!) my love of Loki as a character. I am excited about the series, but I am also very anxious about it - about the story not being good, yes, but also about the inevitably divide that will further split the fandom. 

No matter how the story goes, someone’s going to be upset. You can’t please everyone, and trying only makes for worse storytelling. So the wank will continue. 

But I love Loki. I love everything about him. I am interested in writing about him and reading about him and thinking about him. I am invested in him and always will be. It’s just that, right now, I’m kind of falling further and further out of fandom and I find I have less to say. 

And so I either have to wait it out, or work on my own mindset, or keep on keeping on. I just don’t know how long that will take or if I’m even liked enough here to try to bother. 

tl;dr: Fandom has made me cynical and jaded, and it has dampened not my love of Loki, but my love of interacting with the Loki fandom.

(I know you didn’t ask for this hot garbage pile of my feelings, anon, so I’m sorry.) 

[mrs-dragneel-stark-solo]

Unforseen Chasm (part 8)

 Part 8 of Unforseen Chasm

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together. Word Count:  1537 Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93​​ what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Shannon,

It’s good to know you are receiving the letters. Trying to find a raven was rather difficult, but Thor managed to borrow his father’s. This feels almost like Harry Potter, doesn’t it? Writing via letter, and sending it through magical realms on a bird? Hehe.. I wasn’t sure the raven would even know how to find you.

I miss you and Lucky very much… I hope you’re giving him a kiss every night for me.

I am going to go mad. But I take solace knowing that Tony will ask you on a date very soon. Believe me, Shannon, that man is head over heels for you. It will be any day now.

That is good about Jane. She will be a great asset to the team, I’m so glad my data helped you.

I am sending the phone back with the raven. I hope you can upload the photos and see what I see. And as a matter of fact, King Odin has asked for my help. He is looking into getting me a job with some elite scientists. Thor told him of my work on Earth and he felt my skills should not go to waste. I am looking into studying their atmosphere.

Shannon, this world is incredible. They have fruit sweeter than candy, meat that needs no seasoning. They use and believe in magic. Queen Frigga and Loki are well versed in magic, probably what we would call witchcraft back home. I tried to take a picture of them performing magic, but the energy won’t show up. But yes, Frigga and Diane would get along great! 

Funny story, I got a “formal” portrait of the royal family. It took a lot of begging on my part, and convincing on Thor and Queen Frigga’s. It looks amazing. Odin is on the throne… you’ll see. Thor lets me take all the pictures I want. Frigga is shy, but she allows photos so long as it is in the evening. Odin forbids them except for the portrait. He was not amused when I tried to take a selfie with him. Loki, I tried to steal a few photos of him, but he is clever and wise to me.

I decided to drop a note at Loki’s door. He seems to be quietly brooding, constantly on edge. I thought maybe if I reached out, and gave him the chance to approach me, it might be better. I basically told him in the note I know what it’s like to be overlooked, to be unwanted. I told him that it doesn’t matter what his father thinks of him, or his brother. What matters is what he feels his worth is. I dropped that at his bedroom door this morning, so we shall see.

He hasn’t spoken to me since I broke up their fight two weeks ago. It’s killing me. I can’t explain it but I desperately wish to get to know him. I want to help him, and I don’t know how to get him to open up to me.

No promises about the battles, hehe. My footwork is getting better, or so Thor and Sif tell me. Tomorrow I will practice against Fandral, which makes me very freaking nervous. Wish me luck.

The books about Asgard actually aren’t foo far off the correct path. There are a few things I need to revise but so far we’ve gotten it mostly right. I am going to have to stress how stunning this world is. I may even update some of the politics. They run things somewhat differently.

I will ask Thor what he would like from Earth, for his gift, haha.

The news on my parents is promising. The data team here has been going through records and they’ve found birth records for my month and year. When they find a female baby with my similar characteristics they’ll let me know… I hope to know something soon.

I miss you.

Love, your bff,

Y/N/N

Dear Y/N/N,

It’s so good to hear from you again, I was hoping to get a letter soon enough you have no idea what’s been going on over here.  It feels like im awaiting my letter from Hogwarts except this is so much better! I’m sure Odin doesn’t mind that we’re using his raven. The raven thing works well, although it did give Lucky a good scare when it flew over his head to land on the lab table.

Speaking of Lucky, he’s been doing alright there’s a few times where he’ll cry because he misses you but I’ll be sure to let him know you asked for him. Ever since I snuck Lucky in and Tony caught me giving him a bath, he’s arranged for us to have a room to stay in. Although Tony won’t admit it, he does like seeing Lucky in the morning. Bruce even makes us have breakfast. Lately Lucky’s been disappearing a lot from my side, he usually lays down under my desk and watches me work, and you won’t believe where I found him. I found him sleeping in Tony’s bed. Seems he’s gotten Tony to actually get to bed most nights.

Speaking of Tony, you can take solace because I overheard him talking to JARVIS about planning a dinner date for us two but he’s unaware that I heard. He asked me out the next day to say I’m nervous is an understatement i have no idea what to wear I wish you were here to help me pick my outfit. I don’t know about head over heels for me but he did seem different after he asked me out.

With looking at the research I was able to retrieve for her, I showed Pepper the results and was given the go ahead to fund any further research she makes so as long as I’m able to read through and add to our file. She’ll be getting a letter soon. I’ll let you know how she reacts seeing as you two are good friends.

I’ll be sure to upload the pictures onto the system and try to locate the heat signals off the energy from their magic. I’ve made some changes to the system. Just make sure its secured on to the raven good so we don’t lose it. Seems like Odin is a bit of a stiff man. Does he ever smile?

Good to hear that even on another planet you’ll be helping further some sort of research. They are very lucky to have you there. You have to tell me more about it when you start working.

It must look formal with how Sif and the other warriors were dressed it must be something out of a story book. In sure Queen Frigga is private about herself which is quite normal, are you planning a way to get pictures of Loki in anyway? Don’t tell me you plan on asking to be taught magic by either of them as cool as it would be there must be some risks.

Glad to hear your still trying to help Loki but I’m not sure he’s looking to connect just yet maybe give him some more time? Try and get to know him rather than just getting him to see you two are equals?  

Y/N, so help me I will find a way to get to Asgard, don’t you go riding into battle unaware of whether or not your truly Asgardian. Sounds to me like Sif has her work cut out, you always were a quick study kinda girl. Wish you the best of luck and that you knock Fandral off his feet.

I could send you the book to you so you can make the changes as you see? I’ve finished reading through it and with what you know now it’ll be even better.

Maybe I’ll send him poptarts he did seem to enjoy those when you told me. Haha

I’m sure you’ll get the answers you need soon enough, Y/N, try not to stress too much about that.

Lucky and I miss you too.

Your sister,

Shannon

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[droughtofapathy]

Hadestown Song-By-Song:

Notes: Hadestown is still in previews so things are still changing even now. We won’t have a definitive show until opening night. Even from the first preview to the second there were still changes. But yeah, this show now owns every single dollar I have. Other Broadway shows? What’s that?  

Now buckle in, because this is long and I’m just going to give it to you.

Road To Hell I:

·       We open on this gorgeous set that’s something akin to an old French balcony café (it’s the green door and iron staircase that really does it) and 1920s speakeasy. The band is onstage and nearly every one of them are the same people from the NYTW days. They have fantastic costumes too. No basic black here.

·       The cast casually enters the stage and the applause was deafening both nights. There are five ensemble members and they are all so fucking ripped. Both women in the chorus can probably kill me and that’s totally okay.

·       Also, on the first preview night the opening applause lasted 40 fucking seconds. Yes, I timed it. It was amazing, Amber was tearing up, I was almost crying. What a great start. Then, after a long silence, the applause started up again for another fifteen seconds or so.

·       Such great opening trombone.

·       So there’s been a bunch of significant lyric changes to this song. Hermes now gives the characters, including the “hardest working chorus in the goddamn world”, an official introduction. And there was uproarious applause for every single person.

·       When Hermes calls the Fates old women they all simultaneously turn and give him the most attitude-laced look I’ve ever seen. Yes.

·       Side note: the Tony Awards needs to create a category for best ensemble because these people are fantastic.

·       Persephone has a wicker fan and bag and yeah I’m liking this costume more and more.

·       They changed Orpheus’s characterization. He’s much less suave and cool now, and definitely reads on the spectrum. It fits Reeve better, I think. Now Orpheus is a gentle, good-natured bumbling sweetheart who is said to be “a little touched.”

·       Eurydice is a firecracker. A jaded bitter little ball of attitude. Eva Noblezada is perfect.

Any Way the Wind Blows:

·       I love the original lyrics to this song because it felt like a fantastic prologue. But now it’s more story-centered, and I love it. Eurydice and the Fates (and the Fates have the most beautiful harmonies I’ve heard in a long time).

·       The Fates truly are the ones singing in the back of our minds. I love them. They could snap my life thread whenever they want.

·       This song establishes more of why Eurydice is so bitter and used to being alone. She’s been fucked over by the weather and by people so much that she’s just fed up.

·       Also, the Fates used to be three voice parts (I assume. I’m not an expert at all in this): soprano, mezzo, and alto. But now all three are much lower. I’d have to guess it’s a low mezzo, alto, and contralto because Jewelle Blackman’s voice transcends humanity. It is beautiful and impossible. Like, I know I advocate for Grace McLean as Hades one day, but like…Jewelle Blackman as Hades would be everything I’ve ever wanted.

·       Orpheus takes a piece of paper and makes it into a flower, and in the first preview there’s a long moment of silence, but in the second preview Hermes narrates over it so it’s not a big long awkward silence.

·       Also all the Fates are women of color in this production and I am in love.

Come Home With Me:

·       So Hermes warns Orpheus not to come on to strong, and what is the first thing this idiot boy asks? Come home with me. And it’s fucking hilarious. Especially since he immediately follows up with how he’s going to marry her. Like, boy, calm down.

·       Eurydice is decidedly unimpressed and borderline belligerent because she’s had enough of liars and players.

·       When Orpheus says how his song will make spring come again, the chorus says the same thing and has a fantastic harmony.

·       The plot now has Spring or Fall as something no one’s seen in a long time. It just goes from Winter to Summer because Hades keeps Persephone in the Underworld longer and longer.

·       When Eurydice asks “what else you got?” it’s not passive. She’s mocking and aggressive and I love it.

Wedding Song:

·       That mocking tone continues in her first verse in this song. She’s like, ‘you think you can change shit? Fucking prove it, bitch.’

·       And Orpheus is an awkward noodle who sounds so earnest. In the NYTW version (especially since these songs were cut on the recording, but bless bootlegs) I don’t think we see much of how Orpheus gets Eurydice to fall in love with him. Here her journey is so much more clear. She starts out so skeptical, and goads him into singing his song to impress her.

·       The La La La etc. part is now a huge motif. Orpheus sings this angelic medley and literally conjures up a red flower, and that’s how Eurydice starts to fall. She’s just in such awe that a voice could bring something to live.

·       Now they’re singing together and it’s really quite cute. Eurydice is totally on board with this romance now.

Epic I:

·       The La La La is a melody from long ago. And it comes back in a big way. Spoiler: it’s the song Hades sang to Persephone in the garden.

·       Big lyric changes here. The Epics all have gone through major revisions and I’m not sure how to feel. Like this Epic is fine because it’s still in the works, but later…well, I’ll get to it.

Livin’ It Up On Top:

·       We’ve now got an anticipation first verse about how everyone’s waiting on Persephone and Spring.

·       And Amber just prances down the staircase in a huge fur coat. What a voice. So know how NYTW Persephone is very distinguished? Now she’s a disaster goddess who literally sings about how she’s just “doin’ the best she can.” Which is great.

·       Mentions of Demeter. Yes.

·       She’s got two bottles of wine and a circular flask and is perpetually adorably tipsy while up on top.

·       Great dance break by the ensemble here. Brian Drye on the trombone comes to the center of the stage to play, and it’s a fantastic moment.

·       Orpheus’s toast is awkward and earnest. Which is his entire personality to be honest. But when he says “to the world we dream about and the one we live in now” it’s said without any music accompaniment and it’s such a sobering moment the audience murmurs. Also because the entire cast turns to the audience during that point.

All I’ve Ever Known:

·       Also Persephone, when she’s not singing, spends her time onstage almost constantly just draping herself on a step and watching the action. It’s a lot like what Hélène does in Great Comet, and Amber is so good at looking casually regal.

·       Eurydice has her love epiphany. They both sing, and it’s such a good song. Eva’s delivery is delightfully vulnerable.

·       We see the start of Orpheus’s insecurity about how Eurydice could ever love him, leading later to his paranoia as he exits the Underworld. It establishes more of his doubts because Hades preys on his very insecurities. And it’s some good characterization shit right there.

·       There’s a very suggestive sensual sex thing going on. And Eurydice is a TOP. We all knew it, but now we’re validated.

·       The wind’s never going to change? Think again bitch.

Way Down Hadestown:

·       The whistle sounds and the train comes and you can see the pure dread and horror on Persephone’s face.

·       And the Fates, these bitches, gleefully tell Persephone to pack and even help her get her suitcase. Persephone is not amused. What icons.

·       Okay, so Amber has this amazing choreography here. She’s bent completely in two, and it’s like she has no limbs with the way she fluidly moves. Her spine must be otherworldly. Amber Gray for the Tony.

·       Hermes now has a beaded umbrella and does some fantastic dancing with it. It’s huge. The exact extraness we need.

·       Persephone now sings the “chromium throne” and all those lyrics with such vehement disgust.

·       And here comes Hades. He has fucking those sunglasses. And his “I missed you” line is heavily laced with all of that.

·       When Eurydice sings about how she wonders how it feels to have everything, Hades stares right at her over his sunglasses.

·       When the floor drops down and Hades and Persephone descend into the underworld it is a beautiful and terrifying moment. For the first preview I sat in the mezzanine so I could look down into that pit and it’s great. Persephone looks near tears.

A Gathering Storm:

·       What a great little addition. It establishes how Hades keeps coming sooner and sooner for Persephone and how winter comes faster and fiercer with each passing year.

·       Now Eurydice snaps out of the honeymoon phase, and gets to work. You can see how she becomes more and more impatient with Orpheus as he works on a sing while they starve and freeze to death and doesn’t hear her when she calls at all. Eurydice deserves better, damnit.

·       The Fates are so ominous here.

Epic II

·       More Orpheus song workshop.

·       Okay, so. I think Reeve has come a long way since the bootlegs I’ve listened to. The change in characterization really does him a lot of favors. We see more of his struggle to find the right melody.

·       The Ensemble enters in their workers uniforms and it’s fantastic costuming. They’re all dressed the same regardless of gender. They have their leather overalls and tool belt, everyone’s head is wrapped, and everyone’s chest is bound. There is no gender down here. Everyone is the same and everyone is dead.

Chant:

·       The music turns so fucking ominous. Hades and Persephone are on the middle turntable that elevates while the ensemble chants and surrounds them. And she just stares at these dead souls with a mix of morbid horror and fascination.

·       She’s not fucking impressed with Hades and his desire.

·       Meanwhile, Orpheus is struggling to find his La La La melody.

·       The ensemble moves with perfect synchronization. And the lighting goes all orange and spooky.

·       We see more of Eurydice’s futile efforts to keep herself and Orpheus from starving. And clearly Orpheus doesn’t understand the dangers they’re in. He keeps singing, and Hermes even tries to get him to come back to reality because there’s a storm coming and Eurydice is alone, but he’s just stuck in his song.

·       The storm catches Eurydice. The Fates are the wind, and they gleefully tear her bag and coat from her and leave her with nothing. She calls to Orpheus with such terror but does he hear? Nope.

·       Persephone’s verse now has a nod to the turmoil above and how the earth is in chaos as the oceans rise and temperatures heat up.

·       She descends into the underworld alone, and it’s terrifyingly good how Amber can look that angry and scared and resigned all at once.

·       Also, when Hades sings his final “think if it as my embrace of you” Persephone is now gone, so he’s staring right at Eurydice. And it’s a moment of blocking genius.

Hey, Little Songbird:

·       This song highlights the wonders of Patrick Page’s voice perfectly. It’s basically the same song as NYTW because it was already perfection so why mess with it?

·       And after seeing the terrifying storm Eurydice has just been caught with, it’s so understandable why she’d see this promise of a better life enticing. Orpheus is off doing whatever he does. He hasn’t come to help, he hasn’t heard her scream. But Hades has. We see the conflict in Eurydice. She doesn’t want to leave the man she loves, but the vipers and vultures (the Fates! Looking deliciously diabolical) will kill her. And he has a ticket with her name on it.

When The Chips Are Down:

·       If ever it was possible to experience an auditory orgasm, it would be with these harmonies. Goddamnit this is a good song.

·       This would be a dream role if I had any talent, which I don’t.

·       And yeah, Hades was seductive and convincing, but the Fates are the ones who really get Eurydice to make her choice. Which, if these women wanted me to do anything and tried to convince me by singing like this? Yeah, I’d do it without question because I’m a weak lesbian and they’re so fucking good.

Gone, I’m Gone:

·       Eva sings deep at one point and it’s so good. And down into the underworld she goes.

·       Then the Fates come in and sing right to the audience basically saying ‘you can blame her all you want, but what happens if you’re in her shoes? Yeah, you’d do that too.’

·       The line about having principles when you have a bellyful is so damn poignant.

Wait For It:

·       Orpheus, this idiot, didn’t even know Eurydice was gone. So when Hermes breaks the news to him he’s devastated.

·       And okay. This whole scene is the most visually magnificent thing I’ve seen, possibly in my entire life. There has never been a moment when I’ve been so awestruck by a set change and lighting that my jaw has dropped.

·       So, Orpheus starts his long walk down. And the workers have headlights and are armed with those lights that hang from warehouse ceilings. And let me fucking tell you this whole thing is a theatrical masterpiece.

·       The Fates stand at the gates and ask who Orpheus thinks he is to do this. But he sings and (yeah, Reeve was fine here) but it’s supposed to be such a beautiful song that the ceiling lifts and the walls literally crack open to reveal the Underworld. And holy shit it’s gorgeous. This is the best set change I’ve ever seen.

·       The “ceiling” lifts to reveal the copper pipes and the ominous orange lighting and there’s smoke curling everywhere and holy shit it’s not something that can be described or captured in photo. You need to see this because Bradley King and Rachel Hauck deserve their Tonys right fucking now.

·       The ensemble has their lights and they attach them to cables that come down from the ceiling. They take the lights and in perfect synchronism they swing them like pendulums and they move perfectly like physics was made exactly for this moment. And the harmonies as they do this. Yes.

·       This scene is so visually gorgeous that there was a fucking forty-second round of applause that shattered the house. Oh my god. Just wow.

Why We Build The Wall:

·       Hades is center stage. When the company sings about why they build the wall, it’s sang with such vehement belief in it that it’s terrifying because they’ve _all _been brainwashed by this man to believe it. Even Persephone sings the response with a hopeless sort of defeat. She doesn’t believe a word of this shit but what can she do?

·       What a politically appropriate song. And yes, Anais Mitchell wrote this

·       Eurydice enters. And suddenly there’s this world that promises her freedom and security. As they sing the final line, everyone has their finger up in some sort of salute that really just turns your stomach, and Eurydice sees it and joins in. Only Persephone, though she sings the words, does not make the sign. Everyone looks so proud and gleeful in their freedom but she’s horrified.

·       Then Hades ascends the staircase to his office and Eurydice follows. And Persephone knows what is going to happen but she’s helpless to do anything. And goddamnit the music is ominous.

·       We’re left on such a heavy note, but then Persephone turns to us and asks us the real question: anybody wanna drink? And yeah. We fucking need a drink after that.

·       Also I should mention, Persephone is now in her black costume which is identical to her other green dress in every detail save for the color. Her hair is now tucked up into a snood, and the flowers are now black.

Act II:

 Our Lady of the Underground:

·       Intermission just sort of fades out. The band reenters the stage and starts playing as the audience scrambles back into their seats. And it’s such a great song to open up an act.

·       Persephone mocks her husband “step into my office” and she’s like two sips from drunk off her ass.

·       It’s just her, the band, and Hermes on stage. This is just a song about getting blind drunk to forget the horrors of the world. She’s got her little flask and is chucking that shit all damn day.

·       Side note: when she sings about having the wind right here in a jar she grabs her boob and jiggles it and it’s everything the gays want. Then she while she’s dancing up a storm she decides the best way to hold onto her flask is to tuck it in her bra and she gives the audience this playful coy look when she does it.

·       The moment she sings about seeing the sky it’s so sobering and she’s on the edge of being devastated again, but then comes the crack in the wall and the alcohol and it’s all okay again.

·       And yes, they kept the band introduction and I’m living for it. Everyone is the same from the NYTW days except we lost Jenny Shineman and gained Dana Lyn. But I’m so glad an orchestra is getting their fucking recognition. Deafening applause for everyone of them each night. It’s them who sings the “our lady of the underground” parts.

·       They’ve changed “one at a time boys…” to “tell my husband to take his time” and it’s sung in a way where Persephone is trying to make light of her husband’s infidelity by pretending she’s okay with having this time to fuck around, but like she’s still afraid for the poor soul he’s with.

Way Down Hadestown II:

·       Eurydice enters now dressed like every other worker. And the Fates order her onto the line. Gone is the enticing promise, and now they give a fuck about any illusion.

·       Side note: in the program this and every other song that was once II is now (reprise) and I do not care for that shit at all.

·       She joins the line and starts doing the workers’ movements. But now there’s a thing about how none of the workers will look her in the eye, and she’s a little terrified because they’re all just mindlessly working themselves to death.

·       The Fates gladly inform her how she’s fucked herself over. The lyrics are now: “but why won’t they look at me? It’s like their eyes don’t see.” instead of “there must be some mistake…” and the Fates answer: “they don’t//it’s easier that way//and your eyes will look like that someday.” It’s a scary moment. That Eurydice, so full of vinegar and life, will become a dried husk.

·       She tries to leave, but we visually see how the life begins to drain from her. We see her begin to die.

Flowers:

·       This song is heartbreaking. Eva sings it so wonderfully.

·       When she sings how she opens her mouth and nothing comes out it’s sung with such despair and terror. And the regret when she sings about how she turned away into the shade.

·       She lies down and who should pop up? Orpheus.

Come Home with Me II:

·       In the second preview he enters from the audience aisle. He’s all battered from his long long walk.

·       So, lyrics: Eurydice says “I called your name” Orpheus: “I know” Eurydice: “you heard?” Orpheus: “no…” And what a good addition.

·       This is where the tightening of the show really happens. Orpheus says how he’s going to sing them home again, but there’s no back and forth callback to Come Home With Me I. Instead, Eurydice tells him in a anguished voice that no, he can’t. And he doesn’t get it. And then Hades enters.

Papers:

·       What a guy.

·       Persephone tries to step in but Hades isn’t having it.

·       In a moment of confidence, Orpheus tries to argue, and Eurydice can’t bring herself to tell him what she’s done. How she’s signed her name.

·       And it’s a whole thing. Where he asks if it’s true, but oops. It’s fucking true. And this is where Eurydice says “I did…I do.” Which takes out the double marriage acceptance//signed life away meaning, but still. Okay.

·       Fight scene is so well-choreographed. Reeve is just tossed around like a hackey sack and the ensemble beats his ass. In the first preview he has a visibly bloody lip that stays for most of the show, but in the second preview it’s toned down and I think it was the right move because it looked pretty ridiculous throughout the whole emotional bits.

Nothing Changes:

·       The fighting freezes and the Fates come in to offer their message of ‘give the fuck up cause you ain’t shit’ and wow they just roast this boy. What an ultimate defeatist song.

If It’s True:

·       Orpheus starts out echoing the Fates and their defeatism, but then…

·       Just before he turns to go…the walls have ears. It’s the workers who hear his song in this production. And suddenly their perfect synchronization is broken as they start to wake up and it’s beautiful. It’s their spark of something that gets Orpheus to stop in his tracks.

·       “Brother who are they to say?...Cause the ones who tell the lies…” His entire mood and tune changes. This is a rebellion in the making. Suddenly he turns and asks Hades how the fuck he is to tell the many what is true. It could have been more powerful, I think. And it was better in the second preview.

How Long?:

·       So things were changed in this song. Persephone is now much more angry and accusatory. They took out the lines about ‘looking at other girls now and then’ and instead it’s Persephone getting fucking pissed off and saying how Orpheus and Eurydice have the love they once did.

·       And Hades at one point tells her to basically calm down and have a drink, which is not the fucking right thing to say my man. She responds by saying she’s “had enough” which is an incredible character development moment because thus far we’ve seen her fucking wasted, but she’s also saying how she’s had enough of everything that’s been going on.

·       So when Amber sings “Hades my light” she does the exact same movement she does in Great Comet’s Charming when she sings “oh, how she blushes…” You know, that thing where she bends her knees and extends her arms in presentation. And that is some good shit.

·       The song is now less about an old couple trying to reminisce and shit and now about Persephone being fucking done. There’s some good back and forth here. They’re standing opposite on the stage, with the pit between them and a bit of smoke and it’s great blocking.

·       The question is how long they can stay married like this. And the answer is: not very.”

Chant II:

·       So the platform rises back up and the ensemble workers are surrounding Orpheus asking is it true? They’re no longer mechanically working. There’s a spark of life again, and Hades is not having this.

·       So when Patrick Page says “It’s the boy!” he does a great delivery but it kind of sounds a bit Disney villain to me, I don’t know.

·       There’s a steam whistle on stage and I want one.

·       Now the workers are working, but there’s something different. A recognition of what they’ve become.

·       The verses in this song have gone through some big changes. I’d recommend listening instead of me trying to relay.

·       But what there is in this song is some fantastic usage of turn tables spinning in different directions. Hades and Persephone stand completely opposite, and as they walk in different directions of the tables they’re stationary. But then there are moments when the pause and are whisked around. And always opposite. Then Persephone sings to Eurydice and they’re opposite because she hops onto the middle turntable and it’s some amazing choreography and blocking here.

·       The part in this song marks the first time the chorus sings as individuals. Some of them get solo lines that are echoes of Orpheus and Eurydice “If I raise my head…if I change my voice…” and it’s a sign of them waking up and remembering themselves as individuals. Now they’re out of sync, and they fucking start to question everything. They question the wall and why they can’t even look at each other if they’re supposedly free.

·       Persephone is really fucking at her breaking point in this relationship.

·       I like the additions of the workers verses because holy shit that’s fucking great. I’m not sure about Hades and Persephone’s verse changes yet. And they’re still being developed I think, because there are some very subtle differences from first preview to second.

·       But yeah, the Electric City line is still a jaw-dropping moment. When he sings it, to prove it, the lights all blow out. And it’s great.

·       Hermes hands Hades a stool that he dramatically slams down and sits on as he demands Orpheus sing for him,

Epic III:

·       Alright, so this is why I’m not sure the lyric changes work. The first preview night, Reeve’s singing didn’t convince me that it would be able to evoke such a viscerally emotional response out of stoic Hades. It was just eh. For the second preview, I don’t know if it was the developed lyrics, or if Reeve just stepped it up and did a better job, but I was more open to believing he could convince the king of the underworld.

·       Also, side note: when Orpheus sings his opening line about “Hades is king of the underworld” Hades chuckles and says “oh, it’s about me” and almost preens and both nights the audience can’t handle it and erupts in two rounds of raucous laughter. It’s such comedy gold.

·       When Orpheus sings the la la la melody, Hades is ready to kill him right there, but Persephone is not having it.

·       The La La La is fully established as the Song Hades Sung to Persephone and suddenly everyone, the chorus, the Fates, Persephone they’re all echoing this symbol of Hades’ forgotten love. And wow. Vocally stunning.

·       Here is where Orpheus makes Hades realize that Persephone is one step away from leaving him entirely. And he’ll lose her if he keeps this shit up.

·       And Hades tentatively sings is melody, and Persephone is so damn happy about it. She gives him this just soft wistful look and it’s so cute. And and when Hades sings he conjures up a fucking red carnation and what a fucking moment.

·       There’s some really adorable dancing between Hades and Persephone to some ethereal orchestration. And they end up embracing and staying like that for a long ass time. Like throughout Promises.

·       And yeah, Orpheus breaks the tranquil moment by being a clueless idiot who asks Eurydice what he does now.

Promises:

·       They moved Promises up and changed it up so now it’s less the two lovers being scornful about how they haven’t kept their promises and more about how they don’t give a fuck about promises as long as they have each other and a few basic needs.

·       They don’t need fair skies, or kind roads. They just need each other.

·       And god fucking damnit. Goddamnit. It’s so fucking hopeful, and Eurydice even says the workers can make the journey too, that everyone is filled with anticipation and just for one fucking second you believe that maybe it’ll be alright. Maybe, just fucking maybe, everyone will be okay. And you know it can’t end like that, but damnit if it doesn’t make you believe it.

·       But then Orpheus asks if they can go, and Hades says “I don’t know.” And let me tell you, I’ve never seen a woman pull away from a man with such horror and disgust on her face in my life than Persephone in that moment. She practically staggers across the whole stage to get away fast enough.

Word to the Wise:

·       And then the Fates come swooping in to offer their two cents. What icons. What a song. Hell fucking yes. What taunting bitches. They’re the real orchestrators of these events, literally.

·       And such good voices all converging to bring us a masterpiece we’re unworthy of.

·       Question: can the tony award go to all three women? Is that a thing?

His Kiss, the Riot:

·       Now Hades has to make a choice. He’s got to do something to keep his wife from never acknowledging his presence again, and he’s got to keep his reputation.

·       How does someone sing this deeply? How is this possible?

·       He has his little epiphany and shares it with his pal Hermes.

Wait For Me:

·       When Hermes relays the news that they can go, everyone is given this little jolt of hope before he rips it away as he lays out the terms.

·       And here is where Orpheus is convinced it’s a trap, even though Hermes tells him it’s a trial, not a trick. So they start.

·       What a great arrangement of a song. The workers chorus sound so hopeful, so excited to be shown the way the world can be. “If you can do it so can she, if she can do it so can we.”

·       And yes, Hades and Persephone will try again next fall. They’ll wait for each other.

·       It’s such a triumphant moment, but then the Fates come in and start asking Orpheus who he thinks he is to be able to lead anyone out of anything.

·       The turntables are going, and Eurydice is right behind him singing joyously to “wait for me.” It just sounds so beautiful and lifts us up like yes, they can fucking do this. They can do it.

Doubt Comes In:

·       But then it grows dark and terrifying, and Eurydice slips out of view. And who should be two steps behind Orpheus? Our favorite Fates.

·       These bitches come out of the smoke and darkness with their lanterns and they’re circling and slipping into shadows and turning their lights on and off and whispering into Orpheus’s ear. What diabolical voices. Where is she? They ask and taunt and Orpheus’s La La La melody fades out as he’s overcome with doubt.

·       But Eurydice is right fucking there. She’s right fucking there singing about the coldest night. Offering her encouragement even though he can’t hear her. He can’t hear her and that’s why they’re in this fucking mess.

·       And yes, it’s a valid paranoia, but come on. Just keep going. Just keep walking, damnit.

·       The workers are there too, and they’re all ready to go.

·       And as Eurydice sings her last verse, where she sounds so joyous to finally be able to see the sun, Orpheus stumbles up the last few steps to the beacon of light.

·       And he fucking turns around. He fucking turns around and the entire audience knows it’s coming because they warned us, but damnit if we don’t all gasp anyway.

·       “Orpheus.” “It’s you.” “It’s me” and she says it with such anguish and heartbreak, like yes, ‘it’s me I’m right here, we were right there, we almost made it. All of us,” and then he reaches for her, but she’s on the turntable that drops, and she’s dragged back down to the underworld. And everyone is in tears because they were so fucking close.

Road To Hell II:

·       The opening song starts up again, but so much sadder. As if the joy has gone from the world, but it’s time to start up again.

·       Such devastation. Such anguish. But we sing it again.

·       The lyric changes emphasis how this is very much a circular story that will continue to go around and around forever. We are right back where we started, but we know how it ends. That is how it ends.

·       “It’s a sad song. It’s a sad tale. It’s a tragedy. It’s a sad song. But we sing it anyway. Cause here’s the thing. To know how it ends and still to begin to sing it again as if it might turn out this time. I learned that from a friend of mine. See Orpheus was a poor boy…”

·       And right then Eurydice reenters asking for a match just like she did in the beginning of the show. Full circle.

·       “Oh a sunny day there was a railroad car.” And the turntable rises once more with Persephone in her green dress reclining on the speakeasy tables. Spring is back. Again.

·       The lyrics focus more on the old song and how they sing it again and again, and the echoing harmonies are so good.

·       They cut out “it’s a tale of a love that never dies…it’s a love song about someone who tries” and instead repeat the again and again.

Bows:

·       Standing ovations, deafening applause and cheering. What a fucking great show.

I Raise My Cup:

·       The program says nothing about this song, but it’s still fucking here bitches.

·       I was skeptical about having it after bows, but not a single person even attempted to leave. The music started, and we all instantly shut up to see what beautiful thing would happen next.

·       Everyone has their cup, and Orpheus starts strumming his guitar (which by the way looks a bit too shiny and new to be in character, but sure). Amber does the bulk of the singing, but Eva joins in and the chorus harmonizes and it’s good.

·        

Final notes: This is basically just me talking Tonys and I’m not an expert on anything so don’t take what I say too seriously because I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.

·       I’m excited to see the final product. Will definitely be going again, and again, and again.

·       What a stellar cast. And yeah, I was hesitant about Reeve Carney, but he was fine. Wasn’t exactly blown away, but it’s adequate. He did well, and I saw major improvement from one night to the next to the next so hopefully it’ll just keep getting better and better.

·       I’m living for Eva’s Eurydice characterization. The embodiment of “looks like a cinnamon roll but could kill you.”

·       Amber Gray needs a Tony right fucking now.

·       I’ve seen a number of the new shows this Broadway season and if this doesn’t win what it deserves to win I will riot.

·       Okay, I really enjoyed The Prom. It was a fun, heartwarming, touching show. Especially since I’m a lesbian who grew up in a small town and is now in her twenties and has since gotten out of that. I loved it, and I believe it really deserves recognition and I want it to get it…But Hadestown is just better. It has a stronger book, score, and overall presentation.

·       I saw The Cher Show, and it’s a great production of a jukebox/biography musical. I thought Stephanie J. Block did a phenomenal job. I’m sure this show is likely in the top running for costumes purely because they’re so flashy and hell, Cher’s actual designer did them. But I kind of want a more nuanced designer to win than just whoever has the most zazz.

·       I know Be More Chill is really relatable for the young people out there, and I think that’s great we’re getting a bigger audience demographic than just old white people (which is mostly what the theater is filled with regardless, however) but I’m not convinced it can come even close in terms of Best Book. And DEH aside (I’m still fucking bitter about that show winning over Great Comet or even Come From Away, and I’ll never not be) we’ve seen musicals geared towards that generation with that sort of message not get awards, which is probably not right. Legally Blonde didn’t win because it was too “pink” and “pink” musicals don’t win. And in this case Be More Chill should not win over a better show.

·       And it’s kind of down to just a few musicals realistically to win Best Musical. A lot of shows that opened this year are either for only limited runs (look if Oklahoma or Kiss Me Kate do really well, they might extend them, but if they’re just doing alright it wouldn’t be profitable to give it more awards than necessary. It’s strange how the revivals aren’t open runs) or are already closed. Head Over Heels was a fun riot of a time, but since it’s closed (like Torch Song, Choir Boy, Getting’ the Band Back Together) it wouldn’t be profitable to give them anything.

·       Pretty Women and King Kong aren’t doing so hot either. And we have to wait on Tootsie and Beetlejuice, but I can’t see any of them winning big.

·       I’m interested to know what the American Theater Wing rules on Acting eligibility here. The rule is that if the name is below the title, they’re a featured actor, but if it’s above they’re leading. That’s why Yul Brenner didn’t get a best leading actor Tony in The King and I. The rules are a little bit more flexible these days, I think. And I know for the Prom, at least, even though some of them aren’t above the title, they’re still considered leads, but who knows?

·       And like, who constitutes a definitive lead in this show? Eva probably does, but for Reeve it’s a little different. See he’s not exactly given any more or less stage time than, say, Hermes who is with us for the whole show but might somehow be more of a Featured Actor role. The five principle characters are all pretty solid leads (maybe Persephone a little less so but she’s still very much leading) so who knows? Not me. I have no understanding of how this works.

·       Bottom Line: Give Amber Gray, Rachel Chavkin, and Anais Mitchell their fucking Tonys. If Rachel Chavkin doesn’t get the recognition she deserves I’ll riot.

·       Bradley King for Lighting and Rachel Hauck for Scenic should be shoo-ins. Nothing I have seen this season will ever be this fantastic.

Edit: Alright, who wants an audio bootleg?

[donnnoir]

Tears before their time...

(originally posted from Austin, Texas on June 16, 2019; I have edited the original to make it more readable and relevant.  The original showed obvious signs of the stress I was under at the time.  Causing me to appear “mad” shall we say.  Rather than completely re-write the piece I elected to do some deep revision and editing.  I note this as an attempt at maintaining continuity and context; should anyone have read my previous posting.  G-dspeed to thee and all of us…)

Bit by bit, I will find the means to accomplish this damnable project, my blog.  Though in all Honesty, I fear it is too little too late.  I should have been disseminating much of this information twenty plus years ago, to as wide a segment of the population as possible.   Nonetheless by the smallest of degrees the Good Lord will yet work a miracle.  But for ten righteous souls the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah would have been spared their fate.  Knowing what is to come, the pain, loss, horrors and catastrophes; over the years I have spent many nights when alone shedding tears for those I must leave behind and those whose suffering I must witness.  In the future I will not have the luxury of mourning the dead.  The Living will require every ounce of my energy and focus.  Their minds and souls will be stripped bare, constantly in a state of disbelief and overwhelmed by shock.  Left to their own, most would be in a perpetual state of shock losing all focus eventually laying down to die.  To overcome this; their minds must hear a booming series of commands, giving them purpose, focus and a direction to move.  Initially their movements will be slow and jerky constantly trying to remember what they are suppose to be doing.  This is because each of us is a composite being; constructed of a spirit, body and mind.  This composite as a whole constitutes a “soul”!  Each of the three elements is interdependent upon each other.  Our “minds” are both the most powerful and most fragile of the three.  As a consequence, when the mind becomes overloaded by any situation or circumstance, from sleep deprivation, hunger, exigent emotions and or trauma.  The quickest and at times best way to get it back to functioning properly or “rebooting” is to have one of the other two elements of our “soul” demand over-riding access to our mental operations.  For “us” fellow humans, this is usually best accomplished via requiring the overwhelmed individual to do some physical operation/action that is rote to them.  As the body’s somatic memory kicks in, it increasingly requires over-riding control of the mind thereby pushing it to function “normally”.  The military conditions a similar response into recruits.  Under stress the recruits learn to perform certain actions that their Drill Instructors bark at them.  The reasons are so that when the recruits get trapped or logger headed under fire and their minds are overwhelmed, a voice booms familiar commands.  Their bodies know the prescribed action and they do it despite the sensation they are going to be killed doing so.  Yes some are, but if they remain non-responsive they will all be killed in short order.  Thus for my part, I must always be certain and unaffected by the horrors of the deaths of family and friends.  When the living look into my eyes all that they must see is my certainty and resolve.  With the ultimate knowledge that should they waste my time and what resources the group may possess, I will callously leave them behind with less effort than I spent sending my friends or family to die, even leaving their bodies where they lay.  I must appear as heartless and cruel as the enemies we will be fighting.  It is a war that we, mankind must win!  Knowing this; having already seen and felt the loss I, we must endure.  My only recourse on nights as circumstance occasioned I should be alone was to feel and live through the loss, even for those yet unborn that will die before their time.  I swore I would never waste nor thoughtlessly shed their precious blood; instead like a miser hoarding his wealth, every iota spent must bring the most benefit to everyone, and our cause.  Always knowing that in due course even my blood will be required.  Sadly the most damaging engagements, actions and effects will come form our own, our fellow human beings.  Those that have over the years facilitated the agendas of their demonic overlords, that they now prefer to call aliens. These True Believers think in part or en mass they will escape because of the benefits afforded them by the technologies they have acquired.  That these will grant unto them the necessary advantages to go out into the Cosmos, our Multi-verse to be their own gods.  Via alteration of their genome they believe they will become something superior to being Human.  This philosophy is currently known as Trans-Humanism; it was popularly known as Eugenics during WWII.  A common and well known goal of the Nazi’s and their Human Experimentation in their death camps.  After a couple of face-lifts and attachment of a more scientific and progressive sounding name we the fourth reich have Trans-Humanism.  Because make no excuses we have wrought a fourth reich.  This courtesy in part by operation paperclip and a delusionally paranoid “military industrial complex”.  It is worse than anything mankind has presumed in epochs past.

In the here and now, I continue to be targeted by soft kill technologies that are deployed throughout the country under the guise of crowd control.  This is in conjunction to my being FOXed by elements of the Shadow Government.  This protocol includes the placing of various chemical compounds, some radioactive and poisonous substances into what I ingest, the clothes I wear and at times even aerosol applications.  Several times they gassed me with some kind of an anesthetic, presumably to dull my senses making me more compliant and or suggestible.  All required varying degrees of mental acuity and other energies to remain rationale and cognitive of my surroundings. Only by the Grace of the Divine am I still alive.  I am exhausted, but I will not lose nor capitulate.  Yeeppie all kinds of fun

[thegleamingquill]

since I might be changing my layout in a day or two (and my code is acting wonky), here’s my rules!

Although I will try to talk to EVERYONE, you aren’t entitled to getting a reply. Don’t pressure me or constantly blow up my inbox for a reply, I’ll just ignore it. With that being said, if we have a thread and I don’t reply for 2 weeks, you are welcome to send me a friendly reminder.

No godmodding or killing off my character because like what the fUCK Kyle?? I wouldn’t do that to you, so please don’t do it to me. Also don’t assume things about my character unless we’ve spoken beforehand. (added 093019)

I will typically only interact with mutuals, so I suppose I am private. I keep this up by regularly trimming my followings. Please note that while I do not normally block, I will if I absolutely have to. (revised 093019)

Following rule 3, if you follow me first, I generally follow back pretty quickly but if your blog isn’t an rp blog, I most definitely won’t follow back. I also do not follow back if your muse doesn’t interest me. If I follow you first and you don’t seem interested in following back within a week or so (or perhaps you unfollow me), I’ll unfollow. (added 093019)

Don’t feel pressured to match my format! All I do is trim posts, usually, so all I ask is that you try to match me in length! (added 093019)

NSFW will be marked as “read more” posts and tagged appropriately. I will not write smut if your mun is underaged, it just makes me uncomfortable as both mun and muse are 18+. I also do not support aging up muses (such as idk Annie? Nunu?) just to do smut.

When I mean my ships are based off chemistry, I mean that regardless of character canon, if our characters interact well with each other, I’ll ship them. Simple as that.

I won’t engage in violent bloodplay, p*dophilia, A/B/O, or necrophilia. I also do not do ageplay.

I love plotting! If you want something pre-established or just want to discuss a starter, my messages are open.

This should go without saying, but I will not tolerate racism, homophobia, sexism, transphobia, or any other forms of bigotry. I also won’t tolerate any petty mun drama. I’m too old and busy for that. (added 093019)

I’m OC, multi-verse, and multiship friendly. Technically not a rule, but letting it be known.

[wisdomrays]

Followers of the Perfect Religion should be Seeking Perfection

QUESTION: God Almighty decrees in the Qur’an, “This day I have perfected for you your Religion (with all its rules, commandments and universality), completed My favor upon you, and have been pleased to assign for you Islam as Religion” (al-Maedah 5:3). He thus expresses that His good pleasure depends on perfection and completion. What are the points of consideration that should be targets for Muslims seeking perfection and completion?

ANSWER: Islam is the name and title for a body of values without faults, which is perfect and complete. For this reason, followers of Islam are supposed to seek the perfected and complete. To put it in simpler words, followers of the final and perfected religion should seek to fulfill their duty and responsibilities in the most perfect and complete fashion, in order to attain the beautiful and good results promised in the best possible way. As it is understood from the explicit meaning of the verse, this is the way of being able to walk to the horizons of God’s good pleasure.

The failures and fiascos that happened are because of me

As to the conditions for attaining such horizons, the first one is a person having the intention and resolution to use all of the opportunities and abilities granted by God in an efficient way. For example, some people have beautiful voices, some have the ability to manage businesses and administer people; others write well, and some speak well... Whatever merits a person has, they must utilize the opportunities presented to them most efficiently for the sake of expressing what is true and right. When mistakes and flaws appear, a person must self-criticize and seek ways for atonement, instead of seeking others to lay the blame on. This is particularly true for individuals devoted to serving faith and the Qur’an; no matter what their duty is, they must see themselves responsible for the failure to attain perfection and completeness, and they must see these problems as consequences of their own faults.

Actually, such admissions of mistake—including phrases like, “I did not fulfill the due of the duty on my shoulders as I should; I failed to continue this duty efficiently; this job faltered owing a personal mistake of mine”—are considered indirect forms of turning repentantly to God, and even acts of penitence and contrition (awba and inaba), depending on the immensity of the person’s heart and the sincerity of their repentance. God Almighty responds to such a suffering heart with His favors and grace, and, God willing, He compensates for what that person missed with His extra graces. On the other hand, if a person constantly sees the deeds he does as perfect and believes his own deeds to be flawless; sees his plans and projects to be faultless; and ascribes any faults to other people who did not listen to, understand, or obey him, this is simply a different version of the pharaoh’s delirious state as he said, “I am your supreme Lord” (an-Naziat 79:24).

Self-criticism in the face of lapses and stumbles should vary in direct proportion with the duty a person is responsible for. Therefore, as the scope of one’s duty increases, their self-criticism should also be deeper. One must think that all of these mistakes and lapses stem from personal gaps, such as one’s inability to maintain sound relations with God, to feel and sense Islam deeply, to properly interpret the principles raised by the noble Prophet, to correctly discern present circumstances, or to accurately recognize possible problems.

Beauties are from him; shortcomings and faults are from us

Actually, this explicit principle of the Qur’an leaves no place for much talk in this respect: “Whatever affliction befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned, and yet He overlooks many (of the wrongs you do)” (ash-Shura 42:30). Mistakes and flaws arise when the eye looks, the ear hears, the mind evaluates, the mouth speaks, the hand holds, the foot walks, or emotions are revealed in a way that contradicts their purpose of creation. Yet God still forgives most of these, as directly expressed by verses of the Miraculous Qur’an. By stating in one of his sayings that, “Every son of Adam sins, and the best of the sinners are the repentant,” the noble Prophet pointed out the fact that the potential for sinning exists in human nature. What really matters is a person realizing their mistake and trying to make up for it. Even the Rightly Guided Caliphs interrogated themselves with remarks like, “I wish I had done such and such deed in a different way,” and expressed their mistakes with respect to their own horizons.

Interpreting what happens correctly

Individual believers must hold themselves responsible for troubles and misfortunes that befall them, even if these do not originate from their own will and intent in terms of how they happened. For example, a believer should not see a needle that pricks their foot as blind chance, but think that it is a consequence of their sins. I can exemplify this with the following: a certain diabetic friend of ours gives an insulin shot to himself two or sometimes three times a day. If the cap of the syringe falls down from his hand by accident, he attributes it to the fact of his not mentioning the name of God while doing it. Then he says, “My God, had I done that with Your Name, it would not have fallen.” In the same way, sometimes the tip of the needle hits a nerve or capillary and causes bleeding. Then he ascribes it to his inner wrongs, failure to have a straight course in thought, or not establishing sound relations with God, etc.

I think this should be the attitude that needs to be taken in the face of troubles and misfortunes; if a man does not self-criticize over a fault, shortcoming, or flaw, he cannot be saved from having unfairly negative opinions about others and accusing them of wrongdoings. Such a person constantly thinks that the people around him render his own positive attitude and behaviors into negative ones and put his tasks at risk. Naturally, as he cannot see his own faults, he does not make any attempts to compensate for them. On the other hand, a person who sees his mistakes and is aware of them will think carefully before each negative happening and seek alternative solutions for not repeating the same mistake again. A person who puts the blame on himself for a failure or fiasco will act in a plausible and reasonable way in order not to make the same mistake again and will try to take all necessary precautions. For example, an administrator will draw lessons from a situation where discord arises between the people he is responsible for; he will revise all possibilities so that the same disagreements do not recur; and he will generate solutions for every possibility. That is, for every plan and project he comes up with, he will also devise solutions to any possible problems that may arise.

Appealing to collective reason

An Appealing to collective reason is an important safe guard to ensure that tasks are carried out in a perfect and thorough fashion. The master of speech pointed out that one who makes consultation will not experience loss. Just think about it: even though the Messenger of God had the support of Divine revelation and established contact with realms beyond the heavens, he would still bring every matter to consultation. And he did that with those whom he taught the truth, right, and meaning of consultation. He would put aside his virtue in the absolute sense and meet with his Companions about the problems he faced, as an individual among others. He did this even though he was such a noble person that he would not be mistaken in his personal decisions anyway. For people like us, who are prone to mistakes, the way to minimize the possibility of such errors is to leave our issues to collective reasoning.

We encounter many problems in our lives, at both the individual and social level. If we do not consult the collective reasoning about these problems, it is far more likely we will make grave mistakes and then find ourselves in a state of guilt, in which we try to blame others, thus offending everyone around us. Although personally being the one to lay the blame, you shake their trust in you by constantly blaming them. As a poet put it, what really matters is:

Stately authority, wealth, and gold… none will enjoy these for good; The real merit that counts, is making up a heart that’s been ruined.

If gold and wealth were to be enjoyed for good, they would help Korah, first of all. However, he sunk into the ground together with his riches. It did not just stop there, for he was also condemned in the spiritual sense by being cursed in the Qur’an. In this respect, if there is a heart that needs to be built up, the real merit is in mending it. As the volunteers, our duty is also repairing hearts. This being the case, laying the blame on others for personal mistakes, accusing them of wrongdoings, and thus knocking down many hearts is unacceptable.

[oceansborn-blog]

intros: next gen verse, pt. 1

ALICE LONGBOTTOM: seventh year, hufflepuff, head student, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: milena tscharntke. pinterest. 

Mum Friend™ 

alice is like... very nurturing, honestly. she likes to be there for people and take care of them -- they come first, in her mind, and she comes second. definitely considers most people around her more important than herself -- she doesn’t have a bad self-confidence, really, but putting herself first isn’t something she’d think of?

even from first year she’d be the kid others could come to if they couldn’t sleep and she’d make them some tea and stay up with them 

favourite subjects are care of magical creatures & herbology -- just loves everything about nature and all the creatures in it 

her room at home is full of plants & she joined the herbology club at hogwarts as soon as she could so she could help out in the greenhouses; makes her feel like home and less homesick, though having her siblings and parents at hogwarts now definitely helps 

her tag is ‘steady flame’ which i tend to think pretty suitable for her -- she’s not a bright, roaring wildfire or anyone that sticks out particularly much, but she’s steady in her light and her love and she’s always there to provide some comfort 

always tries her hardest in her classes but if she has to help a friend out that takes precedence -- she cares about her grades but not as much as helping people, so if she needs to skip out on revising more for a test to comfort a friend, she will 

takes her prefect responsibilities quite seriously and now her head student ones, but isn’t a stickler for the rules in the sense that she always tries to understand the reason behind why a student got in trouble and if exceptions should be made 

her biggest passion is dragons and they have been her favourite animal since she was a kid her heart just !!!! soars when she thinks of them 

her dream job is to be a dragonologist but she hasn’t really... committed to it because she’s like... afraid of leaving home? she doesn’t want to be somewhere else if people need her? in a way ig she considers herself a bit more important than she is -- people will be fine if she moves elsewhere, the world will not fall apart, people will be happy for her -- but simultaneously she’s afraid to leave if like. nothing changes when she’s gone? and she’s not as important and necessary here as she thought? idk she has Conflicted emotions so her solution rn is just to let that dream remain just a dream 

hopefully she’ll get her act together and go for it one day 

but rn she’s considering a herbologist career instead even tho her heart is yelling at her to work with dragons 

AISLINN FINNIGAN-THOMAS: seventh year, hufflepuff, vampire, cis female, she/ her. fc: inbar lavi. pinterest.

bde: big dumbass energy

chaotic horny

kind of spoiled in the sense that she has both her dads wrapped around her little finger and kind of... charms her way into avoiding punishment?

gets away with a lot of shit she shouldn’t and has since she was a kid

maybe that’s why she’s such a disaster now! whom knows

was sorted into hufflepuff not so much because she admires or embodies the traits, necessarily, but because hufflepuff takes the rest and she really couldn’t fit anywhere else

she’s really just here to have a good time and wants to accomplish that in any way possible

she’s really... not interested in anything that doesn’t involve having fun. schoolwork? serious matters? will gladly ignore!

she Loves her friends and family but might not be the best person to always turn to for emotional support? or ever gfhsjd. her strategy for anything painful is ignore, ignore, ignore! and that tends to be her advice to others. she’s for sure nice to turn to if you want to distract yourself and do something fun, but in terms of actually discussing things and trying to process them? really not the right gal

‘mate, am genuinely jus here for a laff x’ in a person

gets into A Lot of stupid and reckless and dangerous situations just because she’s a person who tends to follow any half-rotten idea she gets. could be seen as brave, i suppose, since she’s not really scared of much --- but it’s more because she doesn’t think about it or linger on what consequences could come long enough to actually get scared

really doesn’t have an ambitious bone in her body. she’s never been one to even plan a week ahead but just lives her life a day at a time. teachers might try to get her to settle on a career and plan for it but she’ll just say a goal and by the next meeting drop another random career that she has no intention of trying for. probably drives them up the wall

does just well enough to scrape by in her classes so her parents can’t complain but no more than that

makes a lot of bad decisions, especially if she’s drunk

key example: deciding that knockturn alley seemed like a good place for a hookup and went there late at night, alone, and drunk as hell

did not find a hookup, but a vampire found her

woke up the next day feeling like absolute shite and with a very obvious bite that aislinn in true dumbass fashion thought was the ugliest hickey in the world

really hasn’t.... processed being a vampire? she’s like eh! can be ignored! i’m not emotionally and spiritually a vampire which is all that matters!

insists on still doing stuff she can no longer do, like eat a shit ton of garlic bread and lie out in the sun when she’s fucking nocturnal now

she’s quite sweet but her disaster energy brings a lot of stress to the logical people in her life

ISABELLA POTTER: fifth year, ravenclaw, disaster, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: lana condor. pinterest.

she’s like the really trashy love child of leslie knope and ben wyatt?? mostly their bad sides lmao??? she too would be referred to as a human disaster on national tv

she’s a descendant of the part of the potter family that moved to america ages ago, so until she transferred to hogwarts in her fourth year she didn’t know the other potters?? like obviously she knew of them what with harry saving the wizarding world and all, but they hadn’t met each other before. she’s an only child with no close cousins so like meeting the potters and the huge fam that comes with them was kind of like ………………… wait what for her and she’s still like??? doubt we’re actually related sorry can’t live up to you all

but yeah it was just her & her parents growing up and she was quite close to them when she was younger, but her dad is a politician ( now the president of the magical congress of the us ) and her mother is a healer, and they’re both just really ambitious, hardworking people so they didn’t have a lot of time to dedicate to their home life?? and when isa went off to boarding school they drifted further apart, so at this point they honestly don’t know each other that well?? and tbh they’re not bad parents per say, if you don’t count how focused on their careers they are rather than supporting her, it’s just that they’re both so focused and confident i don’t think they ever consider that isa might,,, not be?? and she really, really isn’t.

her self-worth is so low and confidence is basically nonexistent, and when she’s nervous or struggling a lot with anxiety she tends to ramble a lot, which her parents just interpreted as her being talkative rather than there being an underlying reason for it, and basically there was just… a lot of misunderstanding between them? like isa still loves them, but whenever she was home she just didn’t feel good, and she hates herself for it because they are good people, but she just doesn’t know how to change that??

somehow did not end up nearly as charismatic or smart or anything as her parents tho and is just a mess™ so she mostly introduces herself only with her first name and tries to like not think of the fact that that her dad held such an important position bc she doesn’t want to bring more embarrassment to the family than she already has lmao

she really wants to make her parents proud and everything and tries to behave properly she’s just ??? failing epically. always finds a way to embarrass herself and put her foot in her mouth and once it happens her pride kicks in and she just makes it worse and worse because she can’t just admit that she did something wrong so she just continues to dig her own grave like every second conversation it’s amusing to watch but she’s just a tragic mess

with her father being the president and her mother out there literally saving lives she was like i gotta do something good with mine!!! she doesn't see becoming an author as good enough in comparison, so she's gonna study to become a healer like her mom after she graduates but like,,, it’s so not the right career choice for her, she'll probably would dropp up halfway through training

when anything remotely bad happens she’s like this is THE worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life and i cannot show my face ever again so basically,,, the ppl in her life are probably used to her Dramatic self by now. tho i guess now that there is an actual apocalypse going on, everything sort of is the worst thing that’s ever happened in her life?? anyways 

when it comes down to it isa is just a mess™ who just. gets into embarrassing situations Constantly because she never shuts up. she is often awkward and anxious and always puts her foot in her mouth and once that happens her pride kicks in and she just makes it worse and worse because she just can’t admit that she did something wrong so she just continues to dig her own grave like every second conversation. amusing to watch but a terror for herself she’s just a tragic mess who Cannot shut up for two seconds 

her mouth just runs on it’s own and her brain struggles to keep up so she just says weird shit sometimes 

it is honestly a surprise she hasn’t run off to live in the woods and write trashy romance novels yet 

that’s genuinely a thought she has daily djhasg she loves her family so much so she wouldn’t but like. she thinks she should not be allowed to talk with other people because she Will fuck it up and she’s proven that again and again

lowkey terrified of actually falling in love despite how often she gushes about it and just runs away at the thought. quite literally. she will ramble and then run as fast as she can she’s gotta GO

VERA WOOD-KRUM: fifth year, gryffindor, broom racing mess, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: brittany o’grady. 

vera is entirely her fathers’ daughter and that becomes clear to everyone who has heard of them like .5 seconds after meeting her

she is Loud and she Will Not be stopped!! 

so yeah she’s the daughter of viktor and oliver, and at this point they’re even more iconic than they were when they were younger tbh. even their ‘love story’ is pretty famous around the wizarding world, their rivals-to-eventual-friends-to-lovers story touching many, not to mention being one of the first openly gay couples in the quidditch sphere

vera will always argue they’re the most iconic couple at the very least in the quidditch world but also probably in the wizarding world but lbr she is Biased 

she has three siblings, a younger brother named max who is... probably in his second year at this point i wanna say, and two older siblings, katya & alex, who are a bit closer in age to her. oliver and viktor used surrogate mothers and mixed sperm and have their kids, and yeah long story short vera is fiercely loyal to her family and would highkey die for them. 10/10 always ready to fight for them if someone talks shit 

very grateful for her family and her happy upbringing and they mean more to her than anything in the world 

obviously comes from a very quidditch centred family, and tho neither of her parents would force their kids into any career, they did have her join a little league quidditch team as a kid to encourage a healthy lifestyle and bc it’s their favourite sport in the world lbr. vera started out as a chaser but the coach decided to switch her position to seeker because he thought it would be a more suitable position --- which it definitely was, only more so than intended. her time in the little league quidditch team made her realise her intense love for broom racing, and she quickly lost interest in the actual game, racing off the pitch before quickly crashing and being brought back by the coaches fgjgdsfjhs

has been set on becoming a professional broom racer since she was a kid, basically, and is as obsessed with that as oliver is with quidditch --- if not more. like father, like daughter fjhsdgfhjs 

basically all her birthday and christmas wishes since then has been related to it, whether for broom polish or workout clothes or books on the matter, even sometimes wishing from brooms when a new version was released 

always makes sure to keep up with the latest news regarding anything from brooms to quidditch 

anytime one of her fathers went to diagon alley, she would hound them into bringing her so she could hang out in broomstix, overtime annoying the old owner into liking her LMAO, becoming something like the granddaughter he never had 

she worked there over summer and helps out a bit now during christmas break as well 

but yeah vera was sorted into gryffindor like .2 seconds after the sorting hat touched her head HFJSDGFJS she was so far from a headstall it’s ridiculous 

she takes after oliver a lot which i think is one of the first things ( and sometimes only if they don’t get to know her ) people notice about her --- she’s vivacious and loud and dramatic and incredibly competitive and is absolutely ridiculous, most of the time, especially when it comes for the lengths she’ll go to when it comes to broom racing. but she holds viktor’s kindness and loving nature at her core and she has quite a fixed 

definitely wouldn’t be wrong to call her a daredevil, one of the things she loves about broom racing is flying around obstacles and how wrong it can go if she’s not good enough gjhdsgfj 

has been in and out of both the hospital wing and st. mungo’s many, many times for a sixteen-year-old 

her whole family is very supportive of her dreams which she is So grateful for, partly because they just want to see her succeed and be happy but also to reduce the amount of injuries she gets hsdhjfgs viktor especially trains her a lot with his seeker experience in mind, a role which her older siblings took on when she started hogwarts 

that said, the wood-krum siblings are just as likely to encourage each other to get into trouble as to help each other so she ends up in trouble a lot hjsdghfj she Loves it tho all the professors probably think she is a pain in the ass, albeit a charming one

vera always tries to get around hogwarts by broomstick or longboard so like. rip in peace to the rest of hogwarts’ inhabitants bc the amount of detentions she gets doesn’t face her, she is set in her ways 

[mrlnsfrt]

Thankful by Faith

I was reminded of this story when I read it from a children’s bible story book for my kids as I was getting them ready for bed. I put them to bed and got out my Bible to read the full version. I fell in love with this story all over again and decided to write a second post on it.

On this post, we will be studying 2 Chronicles 20 and learning not only how to deal with humanly unsurmountable challenges but more importantly how to be thankful and to praise God by faith.

The Problem

It happened after this that the people of Moab with the people of Ammon, and others with them besides the Ammonites, came to battle against Jehoshaphat. Then some came and told Jehoshaphat, saying, “A great multitude is coming against you from beyond the sea, from Syria; and they are in Hazazon Tamar” (which is En Gedi).  2 Chronicles 20:1-2 NKJV (bold mine)

So what do you do when you’re just going about life and minding your own business and suddenly a great multitude is coming to attack you? Okay, maybe not literally, but I believe many of you who are reading this have felt like this was happening in your life correct? When unexpectedly you become overwhelmed by what feels like a great multitude of things coming to destroy you, to take away your peace, your health, your family, your money, your house or possessions or even your very life?

Life can be pretty intense, and nowadays many suffer from anxiety. The sad truth is that the problem does not even have to materialize in order to affect us, just the possibility of the enemy attack is often enough to cause us to suffer.

The Reaction

And Jehoshaphat feared, and set himself to seek the Lord, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. So Judah gathered together to ask help from the Lord; and from all the cities of Judah they came to seek the Lord. - 2 Chronicles 20:3-4 NKJV

I believe we can all learn from King Jehoshaphat and how he handled this crisis. Jehoshaphat was scared so he sought the Lord, but not by himself, he called all of Judah together to ask God for help. We can all come to God individually and we should, throughout the day we should be in God’s presence prayerfully considering each decision we make. However, there is something special about corporately coming together to seek the Lord.

Knowing God

5 Then Jehoshaphat stood in the assembly of Judah and Jerusalem, in the house of the Lord, before the new court, 6 and said: “O Lord God of our fathers, are You not God in heaven, and do You not rule over all the kingdoms of the nations, and in Your hand is there not power and might, so that no one is able to withstand You? 7 Are You not our God, who drove out the inhabitants of this land before Your people Israel, and gave it to the descendants of Abraham Your friend forever? 8 And they dwell in it, and have built You a sanctuary in it for Your name, saying, 9 ‘If disaster comes upon us—sword, judgment, pestilence, or famine—we will stand before this temple and in Your presence (for Your name is in this temple), and cry out to You in our affliction, and You will hear and save.’ 10 And now, here are the people of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir—whom You would not let Israel invade when they came out of the land of Egypt, but they turned from them and did not destroy them— 11 here they are, rewarding us by coming to throw us out of Your possession which You have given us to inherit. 12 O our God, will You not judge them? For we have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”

- 2 Chronicles 20:5-12 NKJV (bold mine)

In this prayer, we see the importance of knowing God. Jehoshaphat was aware of who God is and what He is capable of. Jehoshaphat is also familiar with God’s promises and he claims them. Jehoshaphat also recognizes that he is unable to handle this situation and had no idea what to do other than look to God for help.

Standing

Now all Judah, with their little ones, their wives, and their children, stood before the Lord. 2 Chronicles 20:13 NKJV

This is so challenging is it not? To get everyone together and stand before the Lord? My church members probably wonder why I promote prayer meeting so much. What could possibly be gained from coming together to pray and wait in God’s presence?

So often I am eager to do something for God. I like being busy for the Lord, and in my busyness, I am constantly in danger of neglecting my personal relationship with God. How many of us pray but fail to wait upon Him? How difficult it can be to just stand in the presence of the Lord.

The Spirit of the Lord came

14 Then the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel the son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattaniah, a Levite of the sons of Asaph, in the midst of the assembly. 15 And he said, “Listen, all you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, King Jehoshaphat! Thus says the Lord to you: ‘Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. 16 Tomorrow go down against them. They will surely come up by the Ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the brook before the Wilderness of Jeruel. 17 You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.” - 2 Chronicles 20:14-17 NKJV (bold mine)

We are not told how long they stood before the Lord, but imagine how they must have cheered when they heard the message from God! I have many of these verses underlined in my Bible. How wonderful it is to have a God who delivers his children from the attack of the enemy. How incredible to serve a God who says this battle is mine, just stand and watch Me save you. How different challenges look when you know God is with you.

Worship

And Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground, and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem bowed before the Lord, worshiping the Lord. Then the Levites of the children of the Kohathites and of the children of the Korahites stood up to praise the Lord God of Israel with voices loud and high. - 2 Chronicles 20:18-19 NKJV

How did everyone react? First, they bowed before God in an act of worship, then the praise leaders got up and led the people in worship and they praised God with voices loud and high. In worship, there are times for quiet and somber, but there are also times for loud and joyful praise! How else do you react, or what would be a proper reaction to hearing from God that He will take care of what was coming to destroy you? When we become aware of what God saves us from, sometimes it brings out more than a halfhearted “amen.”

Trust

So they rose early in the morning and went out into the Wilderness of Tekoa; and as they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Hear me, O Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem: Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper.”  - 2 Chronicles 20:20 NKJV (bold mine)

Salvation not based on works but on trust, or faith. Trust in God, believe in His prophets. Trust God, claim His promises, and everything will turn out great. Just a quick note that in order to believe in God’s prophets you need to familiarize yourself with what they said, this would mean studying the Bible.

Battle Formation

 And when he had consulted with the people, he appointed those who should sing to the Lord, and who should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army and were saying:

“Praise the Lord, For His mercy endures forever.”

- 2 Chronicles 20:21 NKJV (bold mine)

The kings checks with the people and everyone is in agreement, and he assembles the choir, the song leaders who will praise the beauty of holiness, and have them go ahead of the army singing praises to God because His mercy/love endures forever. The Hebrew word translated here as mercy is חֶסֶד (hesed) which is very difficult to translate because it means so many things (I describe it further on my post “Love Is”).

They begin to sing because of who God is. They begin to sing because of the words of the prophet. They begin to sing because they believe, they trust, in their God. The choir begins to sing before they see any evidence that God has indeed done for them what He promised to do, but for them, the promise is a good an evidence as anything else could be.

Moreover, we possess the prophetic message that is altogether reliable. You will do well to be attentive to it, as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. - 2 Peter 1:19 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

They begin to praise God before they are able to tell if God has indeed done anything for them. They praise and thank God by faith. Faith in who God is and what He has done for them in the past and what He promised to do for them.

When they began to sing

Now when they began to sing and to praise, the Lord set ambushes against the people of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah; and they were defeated. For the people of Ammon and Moab stood up against the inhabitants of Mount Seir to utterly kill and destroy them. And when they had made an end of the inhabitants of Seir, they helped to destroy one another. - 2 Chronicles 20:22-23 NKJV (bold mine)

When they began to sing and praise God delivered them.

Just let that truth sink in for a bit.

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.

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Could it be that we don’t experience more of God’s power in our lives because we are not willing to believe and to praise Him before we have any “evidence” of his power at work? How many times to hear Jesus says something along the lines of “your faith has made you whole”? (Mark 5:34,) Or something along the lines of “everything is possible to one who has faith” (Mark 9:23-24). Could it be that having more praise in our lives would increase our faith which would, in turn, unleash God’s power to work in our lives?

Think of the story of Gideon and how having too many men in the army was a problem because they would think they had saved themselves.

And the Lord said to Gideon, “The people who are with you are too many for Me to give the Midianites into their hands, lest Israel claim glory for itself against Me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me. - Judges 7:2 NKJV

When I recognize my inability to save myself and turn to God He can come and save in a mighty way.

Witnessing what God has done

So when Judah came to a place overlooking the wilderness, they looked toward the multitude; and there were their dead bodies, fallen on the earth. No one had escaped. - 2 Chronicles 20:24 NKJV

When the people finally come to a place where they can see what God has done they realize that God had thoroughly destroyed their enemies. No one who had wanted to harm God’s children survived. Just a note on God’s judgment: The armies God destroyed had intentionally come to attack and destroy God’s people, they were not ignorant and this was not a mistake, this was pre-meditated, and God destroyed them completely.

The final outcome

25 When Jehoshaphat and his people came to take away their spoil, they found among them an abundance of valuables on the dead bodies, and precious jewelry, which they stripped off for themselves, more than they could carry away; and they were three days gathering the spoil because there was so much. 26 And on the fourth day they assembled in the Valley of Berachah, for there they blessed the Lord; therefore the name of that place was called The Valley of Berachah until this day. 27 Then they returned, every man of Judah and Jerusalem, with Jehoshaphat in front of them, to go back to Jerusalem with joy, for the Lord had made them rejoice over their enemies. 28 So they came to Jerusalem, with stringed instruments and harps and trumpets, to the house of the Lord. 29 And the fear of God was on all the kingdoms of those countries when they heard that the Lord had fought against the enemies of Israel. 30 Then the realm of Jehoshaphat was quiet, for his God gave him rest all around. - 2 Chronicles 20:25-30 NKJV (bold mine)

God gave them spoils form their enemies. The people praised and worshiped God even more. God causes them to rejoice over their enemies. They had peace, they had no fear because they knew their God loved them and would protect them and provide for them.

God gave them rest.

Takeaway

It is understandable to be apprehensive about the future. There are so many uncertainties in the world we live in. Health, relationships, finances, politics, etc. There are so many uncertainties all around us. Yet, we have a choice, we can choose to familiarize ourselves with God’s promises and claim them and praise Him. We can start praising God today for delivering us from all the things that threaten to destroy us.

So we have two options. We can worry, which won’t help at all. Or we can come before God, claim his promises, spend time standing before Him, and praise Him for what He promises to do for us.

If you would like a list of promises I have some listed on my post “Some of my Favorite Bible Verses for Prayer”

[maveristotle]

Journal 3.1

New year is so magical. It is like a Sorting Hat for a particular year because this is the time for a person to set his or her specific goals or resolution for that year. 2019 may not have start out right for some people (like me) but this just proves that we have something to work on, perhaps on the aspect of one’s family or the emotional dimension of an individual or maybe for one’s betterment, but whatever it is, we should never stop seeking for a greater perhaps.

Unforgettable moment

October 25, 2018

Don’t you love those moments where you lose track of time because amidst the stress and requirements, you get to breathe and live the moment? Indeed I had lots of memorable moment in 2018, but my last birthday here in Oman is the best one because we really enjoyed that Thursday evening, celebrating my 15th birthday (and Nans’✨).

That day, we played beach volleyball, took some photos, have our favorite tea-spilling time, and my friends were so lovely when they shared their wishes for me which really touched my heart and all. My fifteenth birthday is also the fourth birthday with my father miles away from me, and I agree with you, dear reader, that it is sad, but of course, I value my family as much as I value my friends and I talked to my relatives back in the Philippines reading their heart-warming messages and it feels as though they are not far from me anymore.

In addition, is it just me or 2018 was full of struggle and hardships? Yet I am facing my laptop screen with my fingers dancing on the keyboard and still breathing :)

Hardest Pill to Swallow (seriously)

The most important lesson that I have learned the previous year is that the world that we live in, is not a wish granting factory. Life is indeed unfair to everyone so basically, it is fair, right?

To revise what Oprah Winfrey said, forgiving is not just the mere acceptance that it happened to you and it’s all good. It is all about accepting that it has happened to you and it may or may not be good, but what happened could not have been any other way. It might have been bound to happened, written on the stars.

Last year, I had a great number of disappointments. Things did not turn out the way I want to. My brother and father had to go home to the Philippines. I did something which brought a frown to the people who expected so much of me. But you see, those were my lessons and the tears that I have shed during those times? Oh sweetie, they are going to water the seeds of prosperity and blessings from my Almighty Father.

To elaborate more on forgiving and acceptance that something has happened. I had this epiphany while I was sitting on our rooftop, looking up on the night sky. I have come to a realization that every bad thing is like a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes, they will do us good. Relating it in a real life situation, every time that we get ourselves in a turmoil, intended or not, we can let ourselves break piece by piece; afterwhich, we build ourselves again like building blocks. Allow yourself to cry and weep over something but we cannot just stay lying face down on our pillows drenched on our tears, we have to do something about what has happened. Hard to do isn’t it? Maybe a prayer can help and since you have cried yourself, you might fall asleep, then just sleep, rejuvenate yourself, take time to heal, you know, just let things be, let it flow and let it go.

Big guy with bigger dreams, hopes, and goals

My church taught me about Faith Goals. It is basically one’s new year’s resolution, but it is sided with faith, knowing that our Creator have our backs on the things we yearn for within a year. Personally, the sound of faith goals is like honey to my ears, because this time around, I am not alone in my goals and dreams, I have God to motivate me whenever I am on that episode of demotivation.

This 2019, I don’t want to just move up with my batch, I want to move up with flying colors. To do that, I have to exert 110% on everything that I do, placing my heart and mind on everything that will do me and the people around me good, constantly reminding myself that I have my Creator with me and I do things for His greatness. As I type this journal entry, I can sense the thrill of the challenges of the last four months of school. I am going to face it, here’s to more breakdowns and meltdowns, but cheers to the comfort and refuge that’s going to get me through and through.

Another thing that I am working on is my health. I set my alarm at 5:25 am every day to jog around my neighborhood, I sometimes even pick up the pieces of trash that I see while jogging and throw them on the trash cans. 2019 is all about self-love. I want this year to be a year where I finally reconcile with myself and have a defined future and I know that my physique contributes to this which led me to work for a better health. I won’t let a health condition take away the future that God has planned for me, so I would not want to be in a bad shape and slowly succumb to failure, watching as my dreams crumble away.

I have set my every day mantra, it’s taken from Colossians 3:2, “Set your things on mind above, and not on earthly things.” And I think that is beautiful. Try getting a verse or a mantra that you will recite every day, believing that it will get you through this year. Truly it is so beautiful to exist and I think I am slowly falling in love. Falling in love with the ephemeral and eternal life given to me.