#Online means if everything goes horribly wrong they still exist

[toa-archive]

Just trying to clear my dropbox a bit and by luck tumblr isn't getting testy about uploading! This is Talkin' Toons with Princess Bride - Rob Paulsen and Fred Tatasciore aka voice actors who will sound very familiar when you hear them...

This video version has long been removed from youtube which at some point managed to get my hands on. You can find a purely audio version via apple here which requires an account and may be region blocked for some listeners.

Enjoy :)

[foggyparadisecandy]

[Trauma dumping - scroll on by if you are looking for horny stuff]

I know, I know ... another one. I'm just purging it out as fast as I can. Catharsis in a public blog. Why not?

This one in particular is written for my ex-partner even though I know she won't read it. I just have to play pretend to feel remotely good about things.

Hey D - I want to start off and say that I love you, I care about you, and I forgive you for anything and everything. Please remember that you can always reach back out to me.

Yeah, what you did was pretty shitty tbh. But ... it's ok. I mean ... yeah ... do better. Good people do shitty things on occasion and IDK.

Maybe I'm way off base but everything points to a horrible trauma response. I could be wrong. I don't think so though.

Either way, who gives a shit at this point. I forgive you and the point of this letter is to ask that you don't use your treatment of me or us to beat yourself up.

It hurt. It still hurts. It probably will hurt for awhile but I'm going to come back stronger than I was before so, in the end, it will be a net positive for me. Except for losing you. That ... really ... is awful tbh.

I've told you how much you brightened my life in other letters so I'm moving past that one here. Let's talk about me for a moment and where I'm at and where I'm heading so you can feel like "hey ... Foggy is going to be ok ... I didn't permanently harm him and it seems like he's actually doing well."

And let's really quiet that subconscious that makes you want to feel bad - at least on this particular issue. It's all going to be better than fine for me in the end. I know that and you should feel ok about me.

I've made a lot of new friends who have been very kind and accommodating to my pain. You know I'm a curious dude and it's been very interesting to hear so many stories from other people. Love it.

I've reconnected with some old friends - online and in RL. I've got a pretty full social calendar these days which is a first in ... a loooong time. Pretty ironic considering how much I was always telling you to build connections and my own were thin.

I've started working out. It's only been 7 weeks and I'm doing pretty freaking good tbh. I started doing pushups and planks every time I thought of you but ... that got exhausting fast ... you are always on my mind lol. So I cut back to 30 minutes per day.

I've had it out with my wife about everything. Well ... not exactly everything but most things. I'm not sure where that goes but I know I don't want to go back to a boring status quo situation. You opened my eyes to a new way to exist and I want more, not less. It'll be ok either way - I know that for sure.

I've lost 8 pounds in 7 weeks. This one isn't really a blessing lol. I couldn't eat or hold food down for the first five weeks. Only really started eating again recently. But it is what it is. I wasn't heavy at all but I'm happier thinner so ... a win?

I've ... mostly ... started to be able to sleep through the nights again. For the longest time, the most I could sleep was 3 or 4 hours then wake and could not drift back off. I still ... am struggling ... a bit. Woke up the other morning at 4 am crying. That wasn't fun. But it's rare lately and I'm guessing will be gone soon enough. Not sure if this is a win or if it's me just feeling sorry for myself. I'm guessing the latter but I'm leaving it in here because it *is* better than it was early on so it's progress.

I've started therapy to figure out why I chase after helping others (mostly women) to fill the sad little hole in my soul. Actually ... I already know why. You know all the shit with my mom and ... yeah ... I'm working on it. Trying to get healthy for the first time since I was a ten year old kid. Kind of silly that it took you breaking up with me for me to figure this stuff out. It is really breaking me down to realize my life since ten has been so fucked up with trauma. Can you imagine not clearing your trauma away for that long? Can you imagine that? I hope not. Did you get that hint? I hope so.

I've refocused on work for the first time in a decade. I've set some huge fucking goals. I want to hit it big and I've given my team through the end of next year. I'm going to do it and then I'm going to fuck off from work and shift my priorities to something else - something more fulfilling. It's still to early but I want to take some of those self-improvement things we did together and do something with them for others. I'm using them on myself so I can see how they work and where they need to be fine-tuned. We'll see how it all goes.

I'm trying to figure out what makes me genuinely happy. All of my belief systems have been shattered tbh. I ... don't know yet if that's bad or good or just is what it is. I don't know anything atm about love or happiness or fulfillment or ... anything. I'm still more than a bit lost. You untethered me from everything I knew about myself. I'm not saying this is a bad thing ... I'm saying ... I don't know what comes next. Knowing me, it's going to be fucking great and better than it was. I've always been pretty good at solving problems and making great things happen for myself and those around me (as you know).

I'm doing my best to be kind to myself. I am not sure when the last time I was kind to myself was. I honestly can't remember when I've had a decent thing to say about myself. It's always been "do better" "be better" stuff. I'm working on it as fast as I can. Beating yourself up is an awful way to live. Not sure why I need your splitting on me to figure that out.

I have realized ... despite everything ... I am a good and decent and kind person. I lost sight of that for a hot minute there. I'm not perfect. Hah. Nope. But I do the best I can and I am quick to take steps to change up when I know I've fucked up. But yeah ... I'm good and decent and kind. I know those things now better than I ever have.

And ... you are good too. I know it deep down in my soul.

I see it in you. You are not your father. Far from it.

And you didn't permanently hurt me here. Lots of good will come from this. Believe it. Thank you for everything.

And I believe good things will happen for you. I have full faith in you.

I am no longer in a position to tell you what to do but ... please work on your trauma. For your own sake. And find a new path in life. I know you feel like your current job is your life but ... that job will bring you nothing but misery and sorrow and trauma and damage.

You deserve better. You know that. Deep down, you know everything we shared showed you a different path.

You deserve far better.

You might need to go through some pain to get on a new path but I know who you are. I know you are a fighter and know how to get shit done. You can and will do it. Start planning. Start doing.

And legit ... I'm still here and willing to boost you along in life.

I've always wanted one thing: to see you reach your full potential. It's amazing. The world is waiting to see it.

One final thing that I have discovered and honestly I feel really good about this one - even if you never reach out again:

I love you sincerely and wish nothing but the best.

[bigteefsmallbrain]

General Soul Eater HCs please

Soul Eater: General headcanons

Death the Kid:

He’s an art critic

Hear me out

He is obsessed with symmetry, and loves the beauty in it

So when he sees something non-symmetrical, especially in art, he can’t help but to critique it

May go as far as to send a personal letter to the artist (If they’re alive) about how offensive it is that they created something so asymmetrical

If he can’t send a letter to the artist, he’ll send one to the owner/museum and request it be taken down, while listing reasons why it’s horrible.

Anything he writes has an even amount of letters and words

Be that his test answers

Essays

Letters

Diary entry

Speaking of diary entries, he definitely has one

But it’s actually just a catalogue of symmetrical things he’s seen

He puts photos into it and writes about how beautiful it was to see

He doesn’t care what it is much, just that it was beautiful

Meaning he takes photos of people too

Which can be unnerving at times

He’s probably taken a photography class before, or at the very least is self taught

Literally has a photo album of things he views are beautiful, but non symmetrical and he would die if anyone found it

Like a particular sunset with uneven hills

Or a flower with one too many petals

Definitely has an 8 ball, not a magic one, just an 8 ball, it’s placed on a velvet pillow in his room and he frequently polishes it

Elizabeth Thompson:

Makes several backup plans as a way to cope

Especially after dealing with an experience with a ghost

She has notebooks full of them, labeled and detailed

At one point she started putting them in alphabetical order but stopped immediately when she realized Kid’s perfectionist habits were rubbing off on her

She practices acting in the mirror

Usually so she can charm a man into dating her

But also to con people

She used to be a “Street rat” and that thought of ending up on the streets again constantly plagues her mind

She takes full advantage of the “Rich life”

Shopping sprees

Quality makeup

Salons and spa days

The works

She lets Patty’s thought that she knows everything get to her head

The fact alone that her sister believes in her that much is enough to make her a bit egotistical

And Patty’s admiration for the girl makes it ten times worse

She literally doesn’t care if she ends up being wrong because she’ll just be right next time anyways

So stubborn in that aspect

Patricia Thompson:

She likes dark humor

You can’t convince me otherwise, you actually can’t, I have evidence

She made an origami Giraffe, and broke its neck

Laughed when Kid said he “wants to die”

She literally pokes him with a stick when he’s depressed

She likes dark humor, and probably looks up jokes to tell others just for kicks

She’s secretly sadistic, and likes scaring her sister and others

She may act naïve and innocent, but she is anything but

She definitely has, more than once, banged on Liz’s door at 3AM just to hear her sister squeal like a little girl

Honestly, she probably purposefully gets their pose wrong, just to see her sisters annoyance and laugh when Kid gets smacked

She likes origami

Probably first got into it because of the paper ninja stars

Then just found it relaxing

She most likely makes the ninja stars mostly, and keeps a box of her origami creations somewhere

Has in the past, and will not hesitate to do so again, beat someone up for kicks or just to destress

Patty has two faces, the childlike innocent one, and the insane anger one

So it’s not too far fetched to say that she’ll hide her anger till she can corner someone alone and beat them up

Or that she gets bored and decides to do so

I wouldn’t be too surprised if her sister occasionally joined as well

Maka Albarn:

She’s a Harry Potter nerd and you can’t convince me otherwise

She loves the concept of magic

Loves the dynamic between Ron and Hermione, though feels a bit of Deja vu thinking about it

Probably used to write fanfiction, but in a way that made it seem like it was actually part of the story

She will hit you if you mention it

Definitely the type to compare books to their movie counterparts

Not in like, a critic way, but she will definitely rant about the differences, or how a character looks exactly like she imagined, or if they didn’t put in a particular scene she liked in the book

Forces Soul into movie nights, but it’s only the movie counterparts to her books

I can see her forcing everyone into a group study session

Be super organized about it, and setting it up in a way so that no one can refuse

She probably has specific ways for everyone to study

Like having Black☆Star work out while studying so he retains the knowledge better

Or setting up the session in a symmetrical way so Kid doesn’t freak out about it

She writes letters to her mom, as a coping mechanism for when her emotions get to be a little too much

Like when she’s having a bad day

Or if she’s particularly peeved at something Soul did

She writes a lot more letters when it comes around the time of her mom's birthday or death anniversary

She likes the thought of an old timey romance, and often listens to songs that give off that kind of feel

She really likes “It’s Been a Long, Long Time”, it’s one of her favorites

She also likes the old Disney songs, like “Once Upon a Dream” and “So This Is Love”

She would be so embarrassed if anyone found out though, especially if it was her dad or Soul

She isn’t quite sure why she’s so worried about Soul finding out though

Speaking of, she half realizes, half doesn’t with anyone's romantic feelings, including her own

She’ll fantasize about getting a love letter or having someone present her with a bouquet of roses

But if it actually happens she’s like “Oh, thanks friend!”

She knows the behaviors, she just can’t put two and two together

They would have to be extremely blunt, no over dramatic confession, just “I’m in love with you and want to be romantically involved with you”

She reads dictionaries for fun

She really likes to read out of date dictionaries, just to see what words and slang existed back then

She also highlights words she likes and uses them frequently on accident

She has most definitely yelled “I have cupid’s kettlebells*! I’m not flat!” at Soul before

Soul Evans:

Bottles. Up. His. Emotions.

He’s influenced by “toxic masculinity” and fully believes that being vulnerable in a serious way “isn’t cool”

He will bottle everything up so deep down inside that it seems impossible for it to surface

Feelings of inferiority to others? Bottled

Want to cry or break down? Nope, gotta be cool

Started crying in front of someone and can’t stop? He’s not crying, you’re clearly blind

Speaking of crying, once he starts, and I mean genuinely starts, it’s so hard to get him to calm down, and even then the tears don’t stop

Sometimes he’ll start to freak out and send himself into a panic attack because the tears just won’t stop

He’s that influenced by the thought of being vulnerable

On a lighter note, he does adore playing the piano, but the only person he’ll play for is Maka

He swears it’s not favoritism, and it’s partially true, but favoritism does play a large role in it

He frequently drags Maka to his room to show her a new piece he put together

And if he notices her feeling a little down that day, he’ll start playing a song that he knows she likes

He definitely knows about her love for old timey romance songs and is very embarrassed to admit a lot of the pieces he constructs are based off of that

The walls are p a p e r t h i n , he can hear her music through the walls

He secretly finds it adorable when he catches her listening to it because she’ll be dancing around to it

He also frequently finds himself thinking about those moments

He’s the stereotype that parents tell little girls about, with how boys will bully their crush

He’s a lot more playful and easy going, but still teases Maka, so much

Unlike Maka, he’s fully aware of his feelings, and acknowledges them, but bottles it up, only letting himself entertain the thought every once in a while

He jabs at Maka’s lack of “Cupids Kettlebells” as a way to try and ensure she won’t fall for him, because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if she does

He reads the same dictionaries that Maka does, not for fun, but so he can know just what the actual h e l l she’s saying

More than once he’s had to look up a particular word or phrase online because he can’t find it in the dictionary

“What the hell? It’s an old Victorian saying!? Where does she keep finding this stuff!?”

Subconsciously, as time goes on, he starts using old phrases as well, he was so embarrassed the first time he got caught saying “Keep your idle daddles* off of her!” when defending someone from a perv.

Black☆Star:

Is so unbelievably selfish with food

It’s not even funny

He will stab someone if they reach for his food

He surprisingly eats healthy most of the time though?

Says something like “I have to otherwise I’ll never surpass the gods!”

The only person who could ever p o s s i b l y steal his food is Tsubaki, but even that’s pushing it

He has the weirdest dreams, and I mean weird

Dreams like being turned into a potato and being cooked, mashed, and devoured by Tsubaki herself

He didn’t talk to her for a week after that dream, and refused to eat potatoes for a full year because “You never know if it could be a person turned into a potato!”

He was also very offended when Tsubaki ate potatoes during that time period

He takes things very literally

Like up above, if someone does something in a dream, he acts like it was real

Or if someone makes a joke about fighting, he will drag them outside to fight

He’s secretly scared of Tsubaki

But it’s for literally the stupidest reason

And he fully believes that because of it she could fight god and win

She used to have a pet cockroach

One of the flying ones

And he is so unbelievably scared of them, because for some reason they just don’t die, and they have w i n g s

So the fact she owned one as a pet scares him so bad even though it was literally for only a week

He has a soft spot for children

He doesn’t really know why

He just does

Is secretly really good with kids

Literally the definition of dad material

He has his flaws but still

Little kids are the only people who could steal his food and get away with it

Every. Time. and it makes the others so mad

Tsubaki Nakatsukasa:

What can I say, she’s perfect

She probably receives love letters

Reads them over when she’s feeling sad

Likes to keep them in a shoebox she painted

She definitely paints to unwind and relax

Likes to go outside and paint the sunrise/sunset

Takes note of beautiful scenery so she can come back in her free time and paint it

She probably draws/sketches too

Carries a sketchbook with her

More than likely has drawn Black☆Star doing something

Like napping or training

She’d never show him though, too scared of inflating his ego or giving him the wrong idea

Stress bakes/cooks

We know she cooks

Liz took advantage of it and pretended Tsubaki’s cooking was her own

So we know she does

Sometimes painting/drawing doesn’t cut it

So she heads to the kitchen and bakes away her worries and unwinds

The main reason Tsubaki would possibly be spared from Black☆Star’s stabbing habit with food is because she cooks all the meals

She makes sure everyone is comfortable around her

She’ll go as far as to learn someone's customs and practice cooking their unique cuisine just to make sure that they feel comfortable and safe in her presence

She radiates mom friend energy

She’s perfect mom material, perfect wife material, perfect in general honestly

*Cupid's Kettlebells is a old term for a woman's bust

*Idle daddles is a old term for hands

I Hope you like these general headcanons for the main seven! You didn’t say which characters you’d like to see, so I played it safe by putting the main characters! Thank you for the ask!

[bookwyrminspiration]

Response to an ask from Ophelia:

(this is the hopeless one)

Hey, you don't have to apologize for anything. i know it's super easy to do because sometimes (or more than just sometimes) it's hard to exist, but you don't ever have to apologize for going through something or struggling. Not to me, and not to anyone. Apologies are for when you've made mistakes and hurt people, and that's not what you're doing.

I don't know what happened or what's going on, but I think it might help you to find something steady. It's easy to say that everything is falling apart, but how much is really falling apart? It might be a lot of things, yes, but it can't be everything. Everything is so many things, it's highly improbably that all things are falling apart, even when it feels like it. Finding something or a few things that are consistent might help negate that feeling--for example, I'm still here. I'm still posting silly things about the books I read. Your room probably looks similar to how it always has. The sun is going to rise and set at about the same time tomorrow as it did today. There are things that are still going to be as they are, which I've found helps me recuperate when other things feel like they're all changing and out of my control and falling apart. I don't know if it'll help you too, but I figured I'd suggest it just in case

It could also help to count what's wrong or upsetting you, if you're like me and that kind of organization is helpful. One time I had an absolutely horrible day and wanted nothing more than to absolutely collapse into bed by like 2pm and not doing anything else, but the day was still going and things were still happening and I still wasn't enjoying any of it. But when I went back through the day in my head, there were only 3-4 things that'd made it like that and they'd taken over my head. A bad appointment, a second appointment in a new place I was nervous about, and a headache that made everything more exhausting. But it was three things on one day, which isn't as bad as I thought it was when I put it in perspective. Can three be a lot? Yeah, but I gave that day a number and it made it easier to understand. It also helps me stop the "everything is awful and overwhelming" feeling, because I know it's those specific three things and they have names now, it's not just persistent inscrutable bad everywhere. It might not help you, but it's another option to try and deal with things :)

As for the hopelessness, that's gotta be one of the worst emotions to get stuck with. It's just so...pervasive. It gets everywhere and just settles into your body and suddenly everything gets dim. But it is an emotion, not a permanent state of being. It likes to trick you into thinking it never ends, but it does. It comes and it goes, and no matter how bad it is right now that's not how it'll be forever. That's what I usually remind myself, that no matter what I'm going through right now, it's not going to be like that forever. I know that's hard to believe, I know that I just sound too optimistic and naive and probably like I'm repeating a useless rhetoric, but I promise you that it isn't permanent. There is another side to it all, no matter how bad it gets. And that's true for you too; if you can't believe it, I'll believe it for you until you can <3

So I focus on the little things, because they're simple and easier to find and they're a reminder that there's better things on the other side, no matter how bad I feel. How pretty that flower is, a comforting smell, the feeling of your favorite outfit, a warm shower, colorful bookshelves, stunning art online of things I like. It doesn't have to be anything big, but finding little things makes it easier to find bigger things, and that makes it easier to get through.

I'm so so sorry that you're going through this, and I wish there was more I could do to help. And if what works for me doesn't work for you, that doesn't mean that nothing will work and that it's useless to try. Everyone responds to things differently and no technique is universal. Even for people with a lot in common. They're there as suggestions to try and give you starting places or inspiration for your own coping mechanisms, should you want to try them.

I hope the hopelessness fades soon and you can take a breather. Emotionally, I am dimming the lights and putting on your favorite song (if you have one) to try and help you through this

[ceoofanticatradora]

We need more anti C//A who are Adora stans (like you seem to be) so that people can understand that C///A is bad for Adora. Heck C//A is bad for Catra too, but the shippers don't seem to realize it. If Catra had been able to let Adora go maybe she could have healed instead of her festering and the abuse may have ended instead of escalated.

Hello Dear, welcome on my Blog and a big thank you for your message! Firstly I wanna apologize that this response is reaching you more than three full days, almost four later. Just real life getting into the way of my online presence (at least I got my A-Levels admission!) but I assure you that replying to you was on my To Do List the entire time. And while I could've typed something quick, I thought you deserved a full length response just as much as the person before you received. That goes for anyone really to ask/write me anything in the future.

Adora is a character that has flaws, her own interests, things she struggles with/is insecure about etc. but she also still works on being better (up to Season 5). This makes her relatable, fleshed out and overall three dimensional. Overall for me that makes Adora very likeable. Which is funny because when I first watched the show I thought of her as too goofy and felt like she as a character was overall just flat. Her character design did not speak to me either, the ponytail with the weird hair poof and these pointy shoulders of her jacket just really were not my taste. Isn't it amazing how perceptions can change?

As you can guess from that description I did not always stan Adora and she's probably still not my favorite character but over the almost two years I've been in this fandom I've grown rather fond of her. Other important characters to me are Kyle (a very relatable comfort character of mine, he learned to stand up for himself and others and I support that, f*ck Season 5 for barely acknowledging his existence), Lonnie (apart from treating Kyle badly (which I really do NOT support or excuse) I really love her, man, some women just do me like that, I mean she really stood up to Catra like that), Entrapta (I'm autistic too! It's great to have some representation, seeing the ableism/treatment she experiences in the show is not so much though), Seahawk (I don't even know why, I have some issues with his behavior towards Mermista at times but overall I love this dork), Scorpia (she reminds me of myself so much and I really wanna give her hugs, I'm so glad she chose to no longer let Catra treat her like that even though I will be forever salty she just immediately forgave her), Peekablue (I can explain this even less than Seahawk, especially since it was not even really him in the end but his existence somehow helped me cope with Season 5, without him I probably would've left this fandom ... and also my favorite color is blue) and Double Trouble (now there's enough people already critcizing how they're not exactly great Non-binary representation but this dramatic lizard will forever be in my heart, that reality check they gave Catra, basically slapping her in the face with facts was satisfying as h*ck, also I like lizards overall).

Now there's plenty of characters I like, dislike (or even hate) or am simply indifferent about but after all this is not a tier list but me talking about Adora, Catra and Catradora. Adora started off as this girl that was so sure what she was doing is right but once she was taught differently she was willing to leave everything she knew (except Catra, because she valued her despite everything) behind. And not only that, she broke out of the abuse cycle that Catra tried so hard to keep upright. And that is exactly what makes Adora such a good role model. She teaches children (or people) that:

Your past doesn't define what/who you are or what/who you can become

-> Adora used to be a Horde soldier and did not know where she came from, but nonetheless she found herself a family and became a hero that saved thousands of people

You can always change your mind and start a new life if you feel disappointed in what you are doing/who you are as a person

-> Basically the exact same point, Adora started a new life as she saw what the Horde really was and changed her mind about who to fight for

You deserve love too, be it platonic or romantic (or se*ual???) (If you're aro and/or ace just ignore the part that does not work for you)

-> While Adora for various reasons thought her only use was to please others and meet their needs and expectations (mostly due to Shadow Weaver and Catra) she learned to accept that she too deserves love and validation (if the love aspect would not have been focused on it being romantic love so she could smooch Catra in the finale this would've been a billion times better because she got love from her friends that showed her her real value)

You can walk away from something/someone, that does not make you egoistic/selfish

-> Adora walked away from the Horde, after Catra stubbornly refused to come with her despite many offers (basically Catra broke the promise, not Adora) from her too and that did not make her a "traitor" or "selfish", h*ck, Adora in the end did this for a bigger purpose too, even if part of it was her not wanting to live with such wrong morals

Your opinions, feelings etc. about a person/something can change and that is perfectly fine and valid, being able to change is part of what makes someone human

-> Adora's views on many things changed throughout the show: The Horde and the Rebellion, the First Ones, Catra, being She-Ra, herself, her priorities and so on ... she actually makes use of her brain, which is why Catra saying "Don't you ge it?" or calling her an idiot and dumb never sat right with me, she's a realistic character for shifting with her thoughts, feelings etc. and sometimes just does not fully think things through

You don't have to let other people treat you like sh*t (just because they have some issues they never worked through does not give them any right to let it out on you)

-> This point is obviously centered mostly around Catra and her abusing Adora almost every chance she gets, which is why Adora standing up for herself and not letting Catra blame her for her own decisions and mistakes is so important, "You made your choice, now live with it" is one of the most powerful lines throughout all the five Seasons

Now I'm sure there is still more to Adora's character than what I just listed and unfortunately almost all the points basically got pushed aside, well, Adora as a character got pushed aside in Season 5. All her growth, the things that made me love her, see her as great role model for so many people robbed of their value for the sake of making everything revolve around Catra. That brings me to her and how you are absolutely right that Catradora is harmful to both characters. Of course Adora is affected most by it in the end but Catra too is obviously suffering under the fandoms obsession and just the overall idea of them being romantically involved.

Just like with Adora the stans make almost everything about Catra over her relationship with Adora. She too can barely exist outside of it and if she wasn't the fan favorite she'd most likely would too be mostly in Fanarts that include Adora and not just her (if you google "Catra Fanart" most content is still Catra and Catra only but here and there Catradora still peaks through). But for whatever reason the fandom still views her more as her own person as the other ones? Catrouble and Scorptra Shippers might actually still get less hate than Glimmadora Shippers (I'm not denying they don't get any, they most certaintly do) which is just plain hypocricy and favorism. Kinda like the: A woman needs to be loyal to her husband and her husband only but if the husband wants to be active with other women that is perfectly fine because "that is just how men are" or how i like to call it ... sexism. Now in this case they are both women so it's not sexism but yo do get my point.

But much more importantly, Catra has an unhealthy obsession with Adora. Signs of that are for example:

Constantly talking about Adora, even when said person is not around (to Shadow Weaver, Scorpia etc.)

Obsessing over having control over Adora like in that one Episode "Are you kidding? I finally got control over Adora, I'm not giving that up!"

Building her entire character and her actions around Adora "We need to take Adora down", "Adora left me", "I'd rather see the whole world end than see you win!", also shown in Season 5 where she states she does save Glimmer only for Adora and not for Glimmer or to do the right thing

Getting aggressive or very emotional over Adora like clawing the wall, having nightmares etc. (destructive behavior towards herself and others)

Having no or barely any characteristics outside of her relationship with Adora like, we don't know her interests or likes and dislikes outside of being evil, obsessed with Adora, being abused by Shadow Weaver ...

Trying to force Adora to meet her needs and expectations regardless of Adora's owns

Sacrificing her oppurtunity to be happy in the Crimson Waste for the sake of her Adora obsession and being better than her at all costs

So yes, you were very right with saying that not putting Catra in a relationship with Adora would've benefited both characters. Catra could've learned to exist on her own, develop interests and a life outside of Adora. Learn to accept herself and eventually come to terms with her childhood abuse. She could've been free and not "the abusive cat girl that ended up with the person she unhealthily obsessed over to the point of no return" she kinda is now. Even if we ignore the whole "dating your long term abuser" part from Adora's side and "being rewarded" for horrible behavior, Catra alone is not giving a good example to people watching. As much as I dislike Catra, disdain her even, an ending where she is dependent on Adora, unable to stand on her own two legs after she led armies in war is not what I would wish for her, even with a decent redemption arc (that she did not get).

[fuckyouquiznak]

Jschlatt's Return

= Future developments in the Dream SMP plot (theories)

How does resurrection work?

• According to Philza and Eret to revive someone his ghost must be killed in the same way he lost his last canon life (that would also explain why Glatt and Ghostbur came back online recently).

• We also know they may need a totem and the knowledge of the resurrection book, which is now kept somewhere out there in the server, considering Dream said he didn't have it physically in prison with him. (He also said he destroyed it, but do we trust him? Absolutely not)

• We didn't see Tommy's revival from Dream's point of view, so it could be that Phantommy actually appeared and Dream easily killed him on the same spot of Tommy (maybe using the clock or his mask as a totem idk), but we still don't know what kind of information the book provides and how resurrection really works.

What is going to happen?

1. Quackity and Sam

• Quackity's last stream made pretty clear Big Q's intention of taking the book from Dream using all the means possible.

• However, despite the torture, Dream won't give any information. First of all he doesn't like Jschlatt, because he finds him annoying and boring (not like Wilbur) and second, of course, he knows the book's knowledge is the only thing that prevents other people from killing him. And then again, why should he give away the same power that made him a god? Quackity won't kill him without the book, and he is used to pain. Moreover he'll have some company at least.

• Quackity won't give up. He will keep visiting Dream everyday and will eventually start to like making him suffer.

• Sam instead will feel more and more guilty for what he made possible and for the person he became. He has changed since Tommy's death. He had promise to protect him and then he failed him. And then everything went wrong. He likes to believe that Dream deserves this for what he did to Tommy, but he is not sure that's the right way. Sometimes he even feels sorry for him, especially after Quackity's visits. After all Dream is just a broken person. Isn't he?

2. Tommy and the boys

• Meanwhile Tommy goes to Puffy's therapy sessions and opens up about his traumas and fears. It's hard, but it really helps having someone to talk to. Especially now.

• Since he returned to the server he has felt so lonely.

• Everyone treats him differently. Some people see him as miracle and keep asking inappropriate questions. Some others pretend nothing happened. For few of them the server just moved on; for others he is still dead.

• Even so he can't focus too much on himself right now. Stopping Dream is much more important. If Wilbur comes back... he doesn't even want to think about what he is capable of.

• They need to kill Dream, but Tommy is still too scared to come back to prison or to even touch a sword. Every time he suffers a damage he can't breathe: it's like it's happening all over again.

• He can't stay at his house anymore, on the ashes of L'Manburg, nor at his hotel, which is in Jack's hands, and he doesn't want to be alone (it reminds him of exile).

• He'll pass the time at Ranboo and Tubbo's, meeting Michael and working out a plan to kill Dream.

• In Tommy's stream Tubbo showed him his investigation report, pointing out that both Foolish and Ranboo were online when someone damaged the prison (before Tommy's dead).

• Tubbo obviously blames Foolish, nonetheless Tommy understands that something in Ranboo is corrupted.

• He tries to warn Tubbo, who underestimates his friend's words, thinking he might just be jealous of their relationship. They fight. It's a huge argument.

• "It's like you don't want me to be happy" Tubbo screams, shaking his head.

• "I don't want you to be happy without me" as soon as these words leave Tommy's mouth he immediately regrets it.

• Tubbo stays silent for a while. He seems disappointed: "You've changed".

• Tommy tighten a fist. "That's what death does to people, Tubbo, it changes them".

3. Kinoko Kingdom

• At the end Tommy will leave Snowchester and will move into Kinoko Kingdom (he liked the sign of the "free stuff", so why not?). Tommy there is welcome.

• He explains the Wilbur situation to the others, but then something bad happens.

• Hanging out with Sapnap, they talk about Ranboo and Dream's friendship and about how he acted when he received the ":)" message.

• It turns out Ranboo is guilty for the explosions in the prison that kept Sam busy during Tommy's visit to Dream.

• Tommy shows Tubbo the evidences.

4. Platonic Divorce

• After that, the platonic husbands will go through a "divorce arc".

• "How could you?" Tubbo can't help crying and screaming. "I trusted you".

• Ranboo wishes he could do something. But he is scared. He doesn't remember any of that. Did he really help Dream? Why? He doesn't...

• "I kicked out Tommy, my best friend, when he most needed me because of you! I think you should leave".

• Tubbo goes back to Tommy, apologizing. "You were right". And as much as he hates Ranboo, Tommy is broken-hearted seeing his best friend that hurt.

• However he can't help smiling when Tubbo says: "Guess it's just you and me against Dream like it has always been". It's selfish, but he really missed his best friend.

5. Connor's betrayal

• Sam talks with Connor about his doubts related to the all 'torture thing'.

• Connor tries to comfort him and decides to visit Dream with Quackity.

• Dream is relentless: "That villain arc you sewed for yourself is nice. But I won't tell you anything. And the book doesn't exist anymore, now. You can control every book in the server. It will not bring it back" saying these words Dream keeps his eyes on Connor. "The only way to find it should be... be able to travel in time"

• Connor freezes.

6. Karl's arrest

• Karl finds the resurrection book during one of his travels.

• He immediately plans to give it to Tommy, but when he comes back, someone is waiting for him in the library.

• "Well, look what the cat dragged in" Quackity stays still, his arms crossed, next to Connor and Sam. They all wear armours. "So it is true. That's a huge secret you have, Karl"

• The library behind them is destroyed. Books lie on floor ripped. They were looking for it.

• Karl puts the book of Necromancy back, his voice shaking as he realises Sapnap and George aren't there. "What are you doing here?" He asks, making eye contact with Connor, who quickly looks away, ashamed.

• "I'm sorry, Karl" he whispers "But Jschlatt is my friend"

• Quackity walks slowly towards him. "Give me the book, Karl". He has a creepy smile on his face. Is that even the same Quackity? This one looks different.

• "Quackity, you don't have to-"

• "Don't tell what I have to do. If you refuse, I might have to declare you under arrest"

• Karl holds the book tighter. If he gave him the book... no, he can't do that. For Tommy's sake, and for the rest of the server. If the book has the power to revive Wilbur... it must be destroyed. He grabs his sword, ready to fight.

• Quackity looks disappointed "You didn't give me another choice, man" he says, before killing him and taking the book from his inventory.

7. Dream and Karl

• Karl is later taken to the prison and put in Dream's cell.

• "Well, green boy, seems like you service is no longer required. However, I want to keep having fun with you. I'll revive Jschlatt, and then I'll execute you publicly. Enjoy your last hours: I got you company" Quackity leaves with a victory smile on his face.

• Dream looks horrible. He is covered in blood, his body painted by new scars. Karl has never seen him like this. His hearts are low and he hasn't eaten in days.

• Dream is the first one who speaks: "You found it".

• Karl freezes. What does that mean? "I though I had hidden it too well" he keeps saying, washing his blood away. "Maybe I should have really destroyed it"

• How cool would it be if Dream actually hid the book in the timeline? He couldn't burn it. Otherwise if he died no one would have revived him. So he just hid it where only Karl could find it.

• So yes, Dream knows Karl's power because he has a similar one. And yes, the prison was actually built for Karl (that's the only theory I care about).

• "We are not that different, Karl. Forgetting the people you love.. I know what it feels. I can help you controlling it. Have you reached the In between yet?"

• What if Dream is the one leaving Karl books and suggestions about his travels?

• They spend some time together and they surprisingly get along well. It's like someone finally understands.

8. Sapnap's lore

• Sapnap finds out Karl has been arrested, but he doesn't know why. He is angry.

• He faces Quackity who giggles. "Apparently there are a lot of things we don't know about Karl" but he doesn't tell him Karl's secret.

• Quackity and Sapnap break up (I won't ever be over Quackity's stream with El Rapid)

• Sapnap joins the children group. They are breaking into prison, right? He needs to save Karl.

9. Escape from Pandora's Vault

• Tommy, Tubbo, Ghostbur and Sapnap manage to break into Pandora's Vault when Sam and Quackity aren't online.

• When they arrive in Dream's cell, he is talking with Karl.

• Sapnap, horrified, takes Karl away from him. He doesn't trust Dream anymore, not after what he did to Tommy. He is sure it's his fault if Karl is here now.

• Dream can't help smiling when he sees the little party there. Especially when he sees his best friend Tommy. He tries to get closer.

• "I'm gonna kill you man. What the hell-" Sapnap punches Dream away. The anger and the resentment spread all over his body. They didn't deserve so much pain. Maybe the server will be a peaceful place without him. "You killed Tommy and then you gave Quackity the book- you"

• Karl stops him, defending Dream. "Sapnap, please. He didn't give them the book. I was the one who did".

• Everyone hold their breathe. What? Why? Wasn't it burned? How did you...

• "We need to get him out"

• Tommy grifts his teeth: "No way he is coming with us". He tries to grab his sword trembling and gagging, but it's too much. He can't... that place...

• Dream steps away. "Oh, you came to kill me" he whispers. "Do it. I'll be dead by tomorrow anyway"

• "You can't die yet!" Karl screams.

• "C'mon, Karl-"

• Dream smiles. "Don't forget who you are, Karl. And don't stray from the path. The SMP needs you more than you know" (= Dream is the one who leaves Karl notes about time travelling in the In Between :])

• "We don't have much time, guys"

• "Yeah, Tommy you don't have much time. Are you going to kill me? Or are you too afraid?" Dream starts teasing Tommy. "I bet you can't do it, right? You're too weak. And down deep you know you love me. We are best friends after all, aren't we?"

• Tommy doesn't react. He is as pale as a ghost, his eyes wide open.

• Tubbo steps in. He can't look at Tommy like this. He hates Dream so much. "Stay away from him". Looking back at his life, Dream has always been responsible for the bad things happened to him. The discs, L'Manburg, Tommy's exile, his death...

• Dream raises his eyebrows. "Tubbo, how's Ranboo?"

• It happens in a moment. Tubbo just loses control and kills Dream. Don't worry Dream's stans he'll come back one day. Bigger plans for that greenboy.

10. Resurrection

• They all run away.

• That same night Jschlatt is publicly revived. "¿Por dónde empezamos?"

• Quackity, Sam and Connor stay behind him.

• "Tonight our country has faced a loss. Four intruders entered the Pandora's Vault, killed Dream and helped the prisoner Karl Jacobs escape. Sapnap, Tubbo, Tommy and Ghostbur are now officially wanted. Dead or alive."

End of the season? Maybe?

How does the server react?

• Tommy, Tubbo, Sapnap, Ghostbur and Karl are criminals. They become nomads for a while. Samnook gives them an hand.

• Tommy keeps thinking about what Tubbo did. They really didn't talk about it after the break-out. Tubbo just pretends nothing happened.

• Karl and Sapnap aren't talking neither. And when they do they fight.

• The only happy one seems to be Ghostbur, who is excited to be on a vacation with the boys.

• Dream's ghost (Specdream? Nightmare?) appears to Ranboo, who is alone in a self-exile because he doesn't want to hurt anyone. Dream's ghost would be much more like Clay, so he won't be that dangerous like c/Dream (cfr. Ghostbur and Wilbur). But still it would be insane to see those two hanging out.

• Jschlatt and Quackity open their Casino, helped by Jack, who sells the hotel.

• After Dream's death and the destruction of Kinoko Kingdom, George takes Quackity's side. He is sure Sapnap killed Dream and he doesn't know how to feel about it...

• Philza, Techno, Eret and Niki, wanting Wilbur's return, will do the same (they need Ghostbur btw). Techno in particular will hunt the fugitives.

• Puffy and Fundy, contrary to them, will try to find Ranboo and the others in order to stop Jschlatt and Quackity.

• Wilbur and Dream meanwhile are having so much fun in the afterlife.

Even if solitaire is not chess

[words-writ-in-starlight]

What’s the difference between autism and adhd ? I’m going through you adhd tag and now I’m trying to guess whenever I have adhd or if autism + c-ptsd are wrecking my focus.

Hey anon, I feel you very hard!  With the caveat that I am not a doctor and even self-diagnosis shouldn’t depend on taking the word of a random dude on the internet, here is my broad assessment, as a person with ADHD and C-PTSD but probably not autism:

All three feature a lot of overlap, both between the three and between individual pairs.  For example, PTSD and ADHD can both present with focusing difficulties, memory problems, and hypervigilant behavior.  ADHD and autism are highly comorbid--meaning, they appear together a lot, and one can easily mask the other because diagnostic tests aren’t always designed to separate them. More to the point, they share a lot of traits--hyperfixations and special interests are functionally the same thing, we both tend to stim a lot, we both have that once I start talking I can’t fucking stop thing.  All of them share a big list of symptoms, including rejection sensitivity, difficulty in social situations, difficulty regulating emotions, sleep problems, the works.  This can make it hard to parse the things that are characterized by “shared” symptoms--in this case, difficulty regulating your focus.

The things ADHD has that are not typical of autism or PTSD include:

Hyperactive behavior: this is different from stimming because it’s not attached to an actual sensation.  I just can’t sit the hell down and hold still, at all, ever.  It makes me feel like ants are crawling on my skin, and then it makes me frustrated, and then it makes me panicky, and then it makes me angry, and it pretty much goes downhill from there.  Not everyone with ADHD has this symptom (I recommend looking up the distinction between Hyperactive, Inattentive, and Combined ADHD; I have combined type), but it’s still worth mentioning.

Short attention span: focus is the ability to dedicate your energy to a task; attention is the ability to keep your brain on that task at all.  If I’m having a bad day or I forget my meds, I’ll just wind up staring at a wall or flipping through papers on my desk or something whenever my brain decides it’s done thinking about something.  This is your classic Inattentive ADHD symptom.  It is also why I have a list of every single minute task I need to do every day, because if my attention span ends before I’m expecting it to, I’ll forget everything I’m doing.

Poor sense of danger: not just a lack of impulse control, but your brain genuinely not telling you something is dangerous until you’ve already done it.  One time I submerged my arm almost to the shoulder in 175 F water and the only reason I didn’t have to go to the hospital was because pain reflexes don’t have to report to your brain.  I’m very delicately wired for threat responses, I’ll jump out of my skin if you drop a pencil, but if I had a dollar for every time I had to have my girlfriend bark DON’T TOUCH THAT right before I grabbed a hot pan, I’d be paying our Brooklyn rent.

Time blindness: ADHD means that I live at the mercy of the alarms on my phone.  I have absolutely no sense of how long it’s been since I did anything, nor how long I have until I need to do something else.  Have I been awake for an hour or four?  How long has it been since I ate?  If I have an appointment tomorrow, it basically doesn’t exist, right?  You know how everyone started talking about how it seems like the only time that exists is Right Now since the start of the pandemic?  That’s what ADHD feels like, all the time.

Interest-driven motivation: general executive dysfunction is one thing, but ADHD is characterized by a total lack of motivation for things that aren’t interesting.  I essentially have to have someone physically in the room watching me the entire time if I’m going to clean my room.  This is also because people with ADHD often also have trouble planning, which is such a related problem in my experience that I’m going to put it here.  I can’t parse what parts of “cleaning my room” need to happen in what order, and also, my brain hates it, so if I try to do it alone, I just end up a little puddle of overwhelmed, understimulated despair on the floor.

Understimulation: this is, in my experience, the big one.  ADHD is basically your brain being unable to provide a minimum level of stimulus to keep itself happy.  That means that when people with ADHD get understimulated, we get depressed.  If I sit in a waiting room with nothing to do for an hour before an appointment, I’m going to be on the verge of a meltdown by the time I’m done.  I’ve developed an endless list of “time filling” activities to keep my brain from dropping into the black void of boredom.  I’ve experienced a lot of emotions in my day and Nothing To Do is probably in the top three worst feelings I’ve ever felt.  Personally PTSD tends to manifest as my brain not caring about stimulation anymore, probably because PTSD is plenty of simulation all by itself--if I’m sitting quietly in a dark room, something has gone horribly wrong.

Anyway, that’s what I can think of offhand.  If you’re more of a visual thinker, this Venn diagram is a great TL;DR of this post.  Obviously, plenty of people have atypical presentations of other disorders that might share traits listed here, but these are the things that, in my experience, are more characteristic of ADHD than PTSD or autism.  

As ever, if you’re really struggling and you feel like you need help and you have the option, I recommend a professional opinion over Some Guy Online, but this guy online thinks you’re doing great.  Be gentle with yourself--the slow creep of worldwide trauma created by the pandemic means that a lot of people are struggling to keep their footing, psychologically speaking.  That very frequently manifests as focusing problems, especially for those of us with pre-existing disorders.  Don’t rush to a diagnosis in the middle of a worldwide disaster, but also, take yourself seriously.  The name of the disorder is secondary to the fact that you’re having a hard time, so don’t forget to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack.

[palmtreepalmtree]

Alright, this one is long overdue for an anonymous friend who really wanted me to review The Healer.  So after a short pause, here is another edition of

The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™

Heavy sigh.

Alright.  Let’s talk about this one.  

First off, I have to do some pretty serious content warnings, cause I know some people have been receiving some bad news recently and this review goes someplace you might not expect so, I love you guys, but please be aware that this review deals with: cancer, terminal illness, kids with cancer.  

Now back to the bullshit.

This is basically a movie about a fucking dumbass dude who has trouble making obvious decisions.  

SPOILERS AHEAD (are you new here?)

The main character Alec Bailey, begins the film as a total fuckwit.  He lives in England (somewhere about) and owns a failing electronic handyman business that he calls “The Healer” (in the most pathetic stretch of narrative bullshit, but okay) and is in deep gambling debts to the Russian mob. 

As our story begins, Alec discovers that he has a long lost rich uncle who makes him an offer: the uncle will pay off Alec’s debts if he agrees to live in Nova Scotia for a year.  The uncle will make all the arrangements: plane ticket, work visa, place to live, etc.  All Alec has to do is stay in Nova Scotia for a year.

OH NO!  WHATEVER SHALL I DO?!?  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN REMOTE NOVA SCOTIA FOR A YEAR AFTER ALL MY FINANCIAL CONCERNS ARE TAKEN CARE OF?  

HOWEVER WILL I SURVIVE IN SUCH A HORRIBLE PLACE?11?!?

I BETTER THINK IT OVER.

*eyeroll*

He finally makes his decision after getting chased by mobsters trying to collect on his debts.  ...like I said.  He’s a fuckwit.

So he moves into this beautiful house in Nova Scotia.  There’s no internet, which is a legit bummer, but his uncle has arranged a car for him to get to town.  Seems like a pretty good gig.  Even if it is going to be brutally cold come the winter months.  

Well as soon as Alec arrives in town, everyone seems to know and be expecting him.  He puts an ad out for his mechanical engineering services, again, under the name “The Healer.”  Well........... that goes awry in ways you would expect.  Suddenly, people start showing up requesting his physical healing services.

The thing is, the people from town seem to expect him to actually be a healer.  They keep referring to a secret and to him being “the chosen one.”  There’s no explanation for this.

Then there’s like... this whole weird interlude where Alec seems to kill the town priest, played by Jorge Ramirez (can someone please find this dude a good acting gig? my dude has decent comedic timing, he’s better than this shit). And Alec gets arrested.  Even though the priest got up and walked away.  All of this seems like a weird spinning of wheels before the actual plot.  Like why is this happening.  Why?  

Eventualllllllly......... his uncle shows back up and fesses up (in the most elaborate way possible).  People in his family have a gift.  Every other generation, someone is chosen.  And they have the gift of healing.  Based solely on being near to someone who is destined to be saved.

The gift can only be activated around their 30th birthday (if this sounds unnecessarily elaborate, that’s because it is -- and I’m even cutting shit out like the secret basement and portraits on the wall, blahblahblah).  The day after the birthday, the chosen one must decide.  They can choose to accept or decline the gift of healing.  Alec is given until midnight that night to make his decision.  WILL HE BE THE CHOSEN ONE?  WILL HE BE THE HEALER?!?!1?1

I mentioned that Alec is a fuckwit right?  

*Hagrid voice* YOU’RE A FUCKWIT, ALEC!

*squints*

Annnnnnyhow.  Alec goes to the town church where everyone is gathered at midnight (with thank you signs and a big round of applause) and he dashes their hopes.  HE WILL NOT BE THE HEALER, NO!  Even though it comes with no readily apparent downsides or costs.  And he’d be able to relieve the suffering of others with no cost to himself.  No, fuck it.  He’s going to go home.

The town takes it pretty well, all things considered.  The few people who had already been healed by being near him make speeches of gratitude.  They all wish him a happy birthday and tell him he’s welcome to stay.  Like these people are insanely understanding about him declining the gift of healing.  INSANE.

It’s worth noting that we’re about halfway through the movie at this point and we haven’t met one of the main characters of the movie.  

IN COMES ABIGAIL.  Cancer kid extraordinaire.  She is 14 years old.  Her parents have driven 7 hours to see Alec.  Their daughter is dying of terminal cancer, and all they want is for Alec to spend some time with her and give it a shot.  But she’s a pretty self-possessed kid.  She convinces the reluctant Alec to just hangout with her for the weekend to buck up her parents and give her parents some hope.  She doesn’t believe in the healing, so no harm, no foul.

And finally we’ve hit the meat of our story.  Will Alec be able to save Abigail now that he’s declined the gift?  Will he regret it?  WHY DID HE DECLINE THE GIFT!?1?

SPOILERS (really can’t discuss this movie without them)

It turns out, Alec had a brother who died of cancer.  And they were incredibly close.  In Alec’s words, “he was my everything.”  But now he deeply regrets giving up the gift.  Now he’s worried he can’t save Abigail.

You know what, man?  Same.

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TURN DOWN THE GIFT!??!?

Listen.  Listen, listen.  I don’t know a single person who has been touched by cancer who wouldn’t jump at the chance to have a healing gift.  I mean, what the fuck.  Death sucks.  Losing someone you love from any kind of illness sucks.  Especially when it feels even remotely too soon.  And cancer is a particular type of FUCKING BULLSHIT.  It sucks.  

So it’s really fucking hard to understand why this FUCKWIT turns down the gift to begin with.  Death and suffering is not abstract for him when this movie starts!  So why we should feel sorry for his resulting anxiety, now that he has met someone who is directly negatively affected by his fucking BAD DECISION.

Anyhow, the rest of the movie is basically an exercise in how charming Abigail is and how much fun we can have with her before she goes off to die. Which like......... OH-FUCKING-KAY!

It should go without saying that this movie has a happy ending.  The music swells where it should.  The romance is consummated.  Abigail is healed.  All is going to be well with the world.

As a movie, this one has some weird fucking choices.  First, all of the music cues in this movie are just wrong.  “Faith” by George Michael is not a song about believing in something --- unless that something is having sex with someone who hurt you before.  And the lighting in this film is so beautiful all the time, it looks like you’re in a fucking ciallis commercial, even when you’re in the freaking police station, wtf?  

And last, the writing is just weird in places.  Like why have the love interest lie about being a lesbian through 90% of the film?  Why?  It’s not a good joke!  And  It is COMPLETELY fucking baffling to me why the good news of this story is delivered off-screen instead of on-screen.  If Abigail is going to be okay, why couldn’t she come back to Nova Scotia to tell him?  Why couldn’t she deliver that news in person!?  That’s just bad writing.  What the fuck is that?

But whatever.  

On the credit side, I think Oliver Jackson Cohen knows what he’s doing as an actor.  He’s not Oscar-worthy yet, but I believed him.  When he talks about his brother, I felt that.  And that could not have been easy in such a fucking weird script.

But as much as I’d like to end this review right here, there’s more.  Cause...

..........that’s not where the movie ends.  Not entirely.

As the end music plays, the movie is dedicated to Paul Newman who established summer camps for seriously ill kids.  And then we see images and videos of the kids all over the world enjoying activities at these camps.  

And that’s where this critique stops.  Sorta.  Paul Newman was a legitimately good person.  And his legacy of caring for sick kids carries on to this day, as was evident from all the footage.

But here’s the thing: healing as it’s depicted in this movie does not exist.  But easing the suffering of others does.  I wish this movie had been about that.  I wish it had been less focused on miracles and weird family legacies and selfish fuckwits and more about the kind of healing that Paul practiced.  But I guess that movie isn’t as fun, and it isn’t as hopeful and uplifting.

In the non-movie version of this story, Abigail Bryant died in 2014 at the age of 20.  Her obituary still appears online.  And it is still receiving comments and photos from cancer survivors and fighters, many of them who found her through the film.  And they talk about how the movie touched them.

On that level, it doesn’t matter what I say here.  It doesn’t matter that there are weird parts of this script or that healing like this is a fantasy.  This movie does its job.  It touches people.  And if it inspires just a few more people to give money to help relieve suffering, then that’s all that matters.

Ronald McDonald House Charities Cancer Research Institute Hole in the Wall Gang (Paul Newman’s org) Serious Fun Children’s Network (established by Paul Newman)

[not-poignant]

hi pia! I really enjoyed your post about media being naturally problematic and the how people should generally approach accessing works which include taboo subjects. I would love to take a media studies class to learn about this more in depth, but I'm literally about to graduate and have no room for extra classes in my schedule lol; are there any books/journals that you'd recommend I read on the topic? xoxo

Hi anon!

I’ve been thinking of how to answer this since I read it because it’s complicated mostly by the fact that I was at university in the late 90s, early 00s, so all the sources and stuff I had back then are outdated. Therefore I wouldn’t recommend any of those textbooks now, even though many of them are very good. It also means I don’t have any like, online vlogs or similar, though good ones exist.

However, there are still great books being written on the subject with updated evidence and sources, and I cite these myself on a semi-regular basis when I’m writing on these subjects.

Really the first book I’d recommend to everyone who wants to know about the phenomenon of normalisation - especially how we now know that ‘normalising content *in fiction* does not equal normalising it *in reality*’ is Moral Combat: Why the War on Violent Video Games is Wrong by Christopher Ferguson and Patrick Markey. That goes into some detail describing that after many lengthy tests and interviews, they discovered that people became desentised to video game violence (sometimes you will see ‘desensitised’ used instead of ‘normalised’ because the latter is more complicated) if they played video games with excessive, exploitative ‘violence for fun’, but that they were still as, if not more, sensitised to violence in reality. In fact, some people were more compassionate to those that had experienced violence in reality, than compared to a standardised ‘average’ control group.

This suggested something very radical, which was, basically, that when we normalise or desensitise people to something horrific and illegal in fiction, instead of seeing people behave the same way to those horrific and illegal things in reality, we actually see the opposite. They may actually become more sensitive and more appropriately responsive to those things happening in reality. There’s a lot of scope to do more research in this area. Desensitisation in fiction when it comes to violence and sexual violence is a really interesting phenomenon. I prefer the term desensitisation myself, but I use the term normalisation in my posts since that’s what most people in fandom are (almost always incorrectly) using.

There are no - to my knowledge - classes on ‘desensitisation in mass media.’ It’s actually embedded into the entire landscape of the learning. It’s also worth looking into psychology, because this is an area where ‘taboo fantasies that people have and is that okay’ has been studied a great deal. There are actually great therapists and psychologists on Twitter and Youtube who talk about controversial and taboo content in fiction and why it’s fine to engage with if you’re forewarned and enjoy it. That’s definitely another area of study.

Generally speaking, the only psychologists, doctors and media specialists who speak out against this stuff as though it’s evil are almost always: evangelist puritanical fundamentalist Christians, TERF/SWERFs and extreme far-right folk who believe that women and queer folk shouldn’t be allowed to exist let alone have sexual fantasies let alone have sexual fantasies about like, overtly or pre-designated problematic stuff.

Re: All media being problematic, that’s just...a byproduct of it being made by human beings who are never perfect, flawless individuals. And then also the fact that intersectional issues literally mean that ‘what helps this person may very well hurt another.’

I encounter this the most actually in disability circles, where you can literally see very quickly that sometimes things that are absolutely crucial for one person are horrible for someone else (see the fact that visual impairments and different manifestations of illness mean some people get migraines from light screens, and some people get migraines from dark screens, and some people get migraines from high contrast and some people get them from low contrast - you will never make a single screen that will help everyone, therefore, you will always be hurting someone no matter what your design, unless you offer 100+ design options, and even then if it’s still on a screen, it will hurt someone (some people can’t look at screens at all). Therefore, by the thing’s very nature, it becomes problematic, at least for the person it’s hurting. And that’s why all media (and everything else) has problematic aspects lol).

[dainwritesnonsense]

Spooktober Writing Prompts 2020

I couldn’t sleep during the Autumn Equinox, so I spent all night trying to find Spooktober prompts I liked to prep for next month. Nothing seems to be catching my eye at the moment, so I’m releasing this to give people more options for Spooktober this year. If a prompt grabs your attention, let me know!

The spoils of war have not been so sweet; it’s tainted.

Nightmare - can be a friend/family/peer’s nightmare too or you can write about a mare with a dark coat/mysteriously appearing.

Stranded - not just on an island, what about a building or grocery store or house or a character’s mind?!

Stalker/prey - can write from both POV doesn’t matter if it’s fantasy/horror/suspense/thriller/romance.

Write about a deceased pet from their POV, honor their death and make them immortal (through writing ofc)!

Speaking of pets, write about dead animals showing up suddenly. What does that mean? In some cultures seeing a certain dead animal is an omen.

Natural disaster appears! Is your character(s) prepared or ill-equipped? We’ve all witnessed some kind of storm, reflect on your feelings and thoughts in that moment.

Random disappearance of an important object to your charcter(s) or person(s). In life people walk in and out or we carelessly misplace something.

When submitting forms to the government, your character’s identity is falsified. Ex. I submitted my taxes online right after my twin and they denied me stating my birthdate wasn’t right. Figured this could be a good spooky/mystery prompt. Does your character really exist in their world??

Some crazy medically insane person (like a schizo with a fragmented mind) predicts a dystopian society and is right.

The leader/hero dies and there’s no way to recover them.

All the hard earned wealth (doesn’t need to be materialistic) gets depleted.

Possessive ex comes back (for those of you haunted by your exes - put them to rest!).

Getting lost while traveling; trip takes a very, very wrong turn.

Vehicle crash in an unknown environment, face the elements of fear from the outside and mind.

Sibling or relative or friend or lover was replaced literally by someone foreign. No one else noticed, but your character.

Some source of security whether an item or person goes awry. It’s no longer a sense/source of security.

Current lover’s spat gets ugly - define ugly in your own terms.

Strangers are reunited in a theme park at the same time every year, why?

Think of childhood fears and evolve them into a scene for your characters.

Failed to protect something; methods of preparation prove useless against an attack.

Wake up as someone else. You still have your conscious but in a different body.

One of your character’s limbs gets possessed by something.

Speaking of possession, your character gets completely possessed and must fight the entity trying to take over or a loyal object of theirs gets possessed making bad things happen.

Something your character threw away keeps coming back from the garbage.

Character’s organ was mysteriously removed and they’re stitched up. What else was taken?

Mass transit system keeps moving and there are no stops announced now.

Ahhh a portal/door/window/gate is pulling your character in either by curiosity or feels. They try to resist but can’t.

Character’s dreams are fulfilled but at a cost. Everything isn’t picture perfect.

Write about something that haunts your character whether it’s an event that affected them or something they did/lingering guilt.

Trick - character tricks someone and it goes horribly wrong/character gets tricked into a legally binding contract that they can’t back out of // Alt. Treat - does your character have a malicious side? What is their version of a treat?

EDIT: Extra writing prompts found here.

[themostexpensiveboningknife]

2020

Failed party, money in drawer, communicate, move house, move boxes, drive in van, walk to shops, buy noodles, think it’s the end, see whole bus of soldiers in Beijing, new area, walk in darkness, think about leaving, leave, think its temporary, in taxi, post stupid photos, check and check again phone, think people with goggles on my plane are over reacting, take off my mask to eat, keep taking off to loosen, arrive back in London. Tube. Cold. Pub. Party at WeWork. Exhibition at Dulwich Gallery. Farringdon. Drugs and drinks. Brockley, South east London. DJ. Ethiopian food. Morley’s Peckham. Walking on the River. Photographer friend’s house. Canal cycle. National Gallery. Car crash, Dalston. Omar Souleyman. Corsica Studios. Meet girl, back to my friends, back to hers, sex. Morning up to mum’s best friends birthday, Covent Garden restaurant. In a van, Sunday roast. Chisenhale Gallery. arebyte Gallery. Getting worse in China, seems nice and easy and calm in England. Camberwell beers and more. Second-hand book shops, Charing Cross Road. Courtauld. Leafed through a book about a man who lived his entire 86.5 years in East London. Still talking to the same girl back in China. Both believe I’ll be back soon. Chicken wings. West London, meal. South London pub. DJing somewhere inside. Kent, see grandma. Rave, Bermondsey. Friends from Israel and Germany arrive. More drinks, more drugs. Mixing friends. Gay bar in Bethnal Green for old friend’s birthday. Acid, confused and hilarious. Tate Britain. Serpentine. Cranes on the bridge. Liverpool Street film screening. Feels shallow, but good. Begin regular E Pellici sojourns. Primrose Hill with Dad. Beer festival with Keaton and co. Peckham, school friend’s house, bad vibe. More drinks, more drugs. Working on first music compilation with Slowcook and Fafa. Begin watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies. Watching Breaking Bad. At some point have huge argument with my brother, it went like this: He came home from work and I was sitting watching Breaking Bad, he asks, “Have you been like that all day?” I either took it in the wrong way or picked up on a sly dig. It was probably me, but at this point I was pretty self-conscious and worried about going back to China and whether or not I would have a job back there. Was getting surprisingly pissed off with my brother mentioning his work, felt like an affront to me. Weird. He goes crazy (he has a short fuse), punching a wall, ready to fight me. My mum is pretty upset. A few days later I go into his room and try to patch things up. Turns into a deeper chat. He feels like I haven’t been a good brother to him, he gives the example of not looking out for him on his first days of school. I say I’m sorry, it’s because I’m a bit scared and insecure. In retrospect I regret a little laying so much weakness on the table, seems his interactions/ways of acting around me have changed a bit. Still not sure how I feel about it all. Considered getting a gold tooth with Matthew. Play with cats, enjoying them more and more. Rave in Dalston, good music from Asia and beyond. Looking at magazines. Not doing much work at all. Being out and about instead. Go to Norfolk. It’s beautiful, but get way too drunk on first night, sick everywhere, wake up naked in sick. Massive fucking shitshow. Majority of people there have no choice but to act weirdly around me now, which is understandable. Still some nice aspects. One girl there surely hates me a lot. Tate Modern. Art stuff by self is good. Corsica Studios, semi-art, semi-music event. Mr. Bao for first time of many. Radio in Tottenham. Take drugs. Pubs. Drive to Asda with brother to stock up on food. It’s March and the reality of the pandemic is hitting. More canal cycling. First and only group chat on Zoom. BH Funk. Probably have taken cocaine and messaged one of three or four girls numerous times by now. If there’s one, in the cold light of day, horrible and disgusting thing I’ve done too much this year it’s this. Incessant messaging of poor girls that I know will react (although increasingly they don’t, I manage to alienate even close friends in this way). Southbank and The Mall with Nick. Reading about Wuhan. List of good texts. Continuing to do some writing. Making WeChat posts for guī WeChat, including mix series and miniessays. Greenwich park with Matthew. Grime quiz online. Delivering food regularly for my mum’s school. Hackney Marshes with Luan. Epping Forest with Mum and Dad. By this point probably have woken up feeling sorry for myself in Ludo’s flat, after untold amounts of alcohol and cocaine. Online rave. Beijing artists only mix. Go to Switzerland, pass through Italy on the way. Its breath taking, the mountains, the expanse of scenery, not used to it. Climbing up mountains with no one around. Rolo and Patrick and Rita smoke too much weed. I really, really, really still hate smoking it. Feel a bit annoyed how long we spend sitting around while they smoke, but this is way outbalanced by the uniqueness of where we are and the beauty all around. Producing more and more, actually getting somewhere. Cooking more and more food. Reading more and more, like: Black and British, The Corrections, Real Fast Food, Bass, Mids, Tops, Zadie Smith, Olivia Lang, Graham Greene, JG Ballard, Monica Ali, Mo Yan, Jenny Zhang, John le Carre, Naked Lunch, Nabokov, Bukowski, Zora Neale Hurston, Wiley, Bitcoin, Murakami, Judith E. Butler, The Painter of Modern Life, Maupassant, Chekov, Video Art, Gravity’s Rainbow (couldn’t finish), Anaïs Nin, The Net Delusion (couldn’t finish), The Establishment and how they got away with it (couldn’t finish), Roddy Doyle, The Secret of Scent, General Intellects, Women In Love, The Intelligent Investor, Lyndon Johnson. Victoria Park more often than I can remember. To Chrissy’s house. Mile End Park. Very regularly sitting on the river in Wapping. Bring the chessboard and play Ludo sometimes, people smile and look at you differently when you’re playing chess and drinking beers versus just sitting and drinking beer. I May Destroy You. Industry. The beautiful wide expanse of Hackney Marshes. My incessant quest to reach 1000 followers in Instagram. More cycling, and I hate to say it but it really was: Here there and everywhere. Margate with my Dad to see my grandma in hospital and saw the Turner Prize exhibition. Light blue like scrubs, the sky and sun felt eternal. Swimming in dirty water. Make a DJ mix of old 2000s Road Rap. Eat cheese in Peckham. Cycle along the canal north, keep going and going through Tottenham, past Enfield keep going, it’s mad how quickly it becomes quiet fields on all sides, arrive to some kind of lake, swim and then back to the centre of town. Outside a Hawksmoor church in Shadwell ate chicken with Karim and Ludo. DJing. From my bedroom window saw a big crane in the middle of the night sitting on the canal. Begin developing the second DCCY compilation this time with BULLY magazine. Go to a house in an old school in Camberwell. Discover new secret riverside spots in East London. Finally give up my apartment in Beijing. Mile End park. Cycle further and further East to a pedestrian bridge I didn’t know existed. Get onto the beach and into the Thames water. Interview Akito. Begin writing more, after few months of wiling away the summertime. My friend Emmy gets married in Rwanda, I give him some money as a wedding gift which he tells me he used to buy his wife’s dress. Protests in HK always on TV. Get more into finances, crypto and trading, and just saving in general. Had sex with an old friend. Now meeting a girl I first knew years ago in Beijing. More secret river spots. Keaton has his baby, Noah. More times on Hackney Marshes. Barbican conservatory. Watching more films, try to watch all the films of some directors including: Jia Zhangke, Bong Joon-ho, Edward Yang, Wong Kar-wai, Apichatpong Weerasethakul. Decide to watch all of the infamous lauded series, go through Breaking Bad, The Wire and The Sopranos. Go to the seaside for a few days, camping also. Henry Wu album launch in a car park in Bermondsey. Go to visit Keaton’s baby for the first time. Good photography exhibition at Photographer’s Gallery. Go to Wallace Collection again. August. Go to Berlin. Swimming in Berlin lakes until I get an ear infection. It makes me drowsy and lethargic, but still seems to spend all my time cycling around the city. On one night cycle for hours to a rave on the outskirts of the city. Like a lot the abandoned airport in Berlin. Oh yeah, vaping. Found a dead bumble bee. Speak with Nevin about projects. Write a piece about the future of the art world for a magazine being started by Nevin’s friend in Canada. Go to Lithuania. Walk around Vilnius, get too drunk by myself. Get to the Curonian Spit and Nida, beaches and new friends. For the Nightlife Residency project. For a short while life is like on a desert island of new food, new people, new locations, quiet and new meaning. Go to the Russian border on the beach. Cycle to the road boarder and get stopped by the police. Go nude on the beach for the first time. Sauna, sand dunes and forests. DJ out for the first time in ages, this time with Nono. To Kaunus and try nice and stodgy Georgian food for the first time. Hackney Wick back for party. Meet a ginger girl online and go on a date. Wallace Collection again. Free beer and pizza. White Cube. National Gallery, Titian. On BBC Radio London with my Dad. Riverside beers. Saw a lost swan near my front door. Meet Keaton near his work, one of many times. Making more and more music, getting better. Decide I need more organisation and clarity, put everything I’ve done on a blog. More or less long since given up on my job at M Woods. But don’t really begin looking for anything new because it’s still sunny. At some point I start getting benefits money. Go to see La Haine in the cinema. Someone blocks me on WeChat because of me. Some pub somewhere. Sunday walks and breakfast with my parents. Go to an exhibition in Woolworth Road with Muzi. Realise how nice it is to run to Victoria Park along the canal. Vicky Park in general. Dinners at friends’ houses. Museum of London. Walking with Michael in some countryside near London, surprising how quickly things turn green. Break onto a pier in Wapping with Jack. Battersea Park. Tate, Bruce Nauman. Old Street Weatherspoon’s with Keaton, drugs. Central London cemetery. Chinese in Camberwell. Chinese in Aldgate. Italian in Camberwell. More and more exercise, running, weights and yoga with my brother. Sadie Coles. Nick, Central London. Gucci Mane. Hampstead Heath more because Ludo and his flatmates are nearby. Ludo’s now house more for days and nights of you guessed it. Borough Market more, with Emma. Alexandra Palace walk and famous sandwiches after. Tate Britian new lights. More time at Muzi’s. Signing up for cycle courier. LYL Radio show. Shave head. Take acid and it hurts my stomach. Camden Arts Centre with Muzi. Christmas party with friends. Birthday. Cake with Muzi, presents and Indian takeaway from family, walk in Vicky Park with Ludo and Karim plus battered sausage and chips. Christmas at home nice and warming meal. Evening to Ludo’s place with more friends. Boxing day with Matthew, pints and then more at his house in Peckham all night long. Next day is tough! Giant turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey curry. Buy first NFTs. New Year’s Eve stay in at Muzi’s, one drink and a cake.

[pinkvhs]

this has been a long time coming

ive detached from jack / dont watch jack anymore. i’ve poured so much into this story that involved the egos that i just....can’t let it go. so, im making ocs for the story instead. 

inspired by @lilakennedy . . . here is some info about my boys

Marvin the Magnificent➜ Marvin Lir MacKenna 

age: 27- from the 1920s

Brown wavy hair that goes to past his ears a bit

Blue eyes

Height: 5′7″

irish & welsh ( mother from wales father from ireland ) 

an illusionist / performer 

 Stage performance & regular attitude are a complete 180. Very bold on stage and confident but once he is off he is more reserved and calm

Best friends with Daniel

Knew Daniel for years, since they were around 10 years old. Extremely close bond.

Doesn’t believe in spirits but is very cautious / superstitious 

Gets powers whenever he and Daniel accidentally summon Phonus at Daniel’s Birthday/Halloween party. When it was just the two of them alone. 

He tries to attack Phonus since the monster killed Daniel 

but once he made contact with the demon, he was immediately teleported into our timeline. He took some of Phonus’s powers as a result 

He ends up getting burn marks on his arms/hands and face due to trying to physically fight Phonus when he was furious 

He has powers now, some he doesn’t know he can do yet. But his powers are: ✪= Not used often. ✦= strongest. ✧=weakest

✦ Empathic Element Manipulation ✦✪Fire Manipulation, ✦✪Necromancy, ✦Telekinesis,✦Kinetic Charging

✧✪Electricity Manipulation, ✦Magical Wall Generation, ✦Teleportation, ✧Intangibility, ✧Healing Hands, ✦✪Naturakinetic Combat

Riley finds him and helps him on his feet to find a place to stay

The two of them become close friends eventually, it takes a long time for Marv to warm up to people in this strange new environment- still tortured by that night. 

He blames himself for Daniels death every day. 

With his new unknown powers, he tries to go back in time to stop all this from happening. 

He opens up about his powers to Riley and the truth. 

Riley is beyond amazed that powers and magic exist, he tries to help Marv with his powers. 

He ends up needing to find a sort of job to stay at his home, so he tries the one thing he loved- entertaining people. With his magic, he dumbfounds audiences. 

However, once things were just looking up, his fire magic (the strongest) goes wrong.

He ends up catching a stage set on fire, causing injuries to hundreds. 

He panics. Riley tries to calm him down. But he can’t take it, he is convinced that he is destined to cause harm with these powers. 

He vanishes to a place by the sea and isolates himself, causing people to believe he died in the fire accident. 

He spends his time trying to prefect time travel and is consumed by isolation. though, he does attract wild life to him. they are very at ease with him

Refuses to use his fire magic 

One day, he comes across Viktor’s body on the shore. He takes him in quickly to his small home that he protected in case Phonus ever finds him.

He revives Viktor to come to. The stranger is a total mess and he tries to heal the man, but Viktor grabs him on reflex. So the man patches himself up

The two live together for a few months as the injuries heal up

Viktor convinces him to visit Riley again, so he does.

He teleports there and leaves a note stating that he is alive. He can’t bring himself to see Riley face to face

In the end, he tries to fight off Phonus. He fails miserably

He returns to his home, having Riley there with him. He gives Riley his powers because he doesn’t want to die and these powers go back to Phonus.

He trusts Riley with his life

Once Riley is given the powers, he passes away.

When his body is all alone peacefully at rest in the home, without any magic to protect it, Phonus finds the body

But no magic

The demon still takes the body. Using it to wake him up again and look into his mind to find out where the powers have gone

He remains a soul bounded victim to Phonus and reunites with Daniel

Both under Phonus’s control

Chase Brody➜ Noah Oliver Dodge

age: 29 - from our timeline

messy brown hair thats dyed blonde at the tips of it

brown eyes

Height: 5′9″

American

Dropped out of university and works part time at a local electronics store

loves to break things and try to fix them up again and make it totally new! 

has a passion for computers and likes to make his own computer 

he also loves film and had dreams of making a film 

a disaster cook but god help him he tries 

Father of 2 girls 

childish and fun loving 

reckless at times 

loves nature and going on walks / hikes 

met his wife in high school (been together since they were 16) 

they go to the same university, his wife studying to be a nurse 

at 18 he accidentally gets her pregnant and her parents arent the happiest about it

they get married at 19 

he becomes a stay at home dad and drops out to take care of their baby till she finishes nursing

they end up having another child once they get a small apartment together 

his daughter is friends with Viktors daughter and thats how the two families meet 

His wife actually works with Viktor and didn’t know at the time

his wife divorces him because, even though she does love him, she can’t keep working like this just to get by. she needs security and they dont have it. 

he is allowed to see his kids still but at the time it was very painful for him

he lives alone in that apartment, often calling Viktor to talk and invite him over so he doesn’t do shit he regrets 

he talks about how Viktor is so lucky to have such a wonderful life and wishes he could have that (since he doesn’t know the truth)

Viktor and Noah become very close and often have their kids over at each others houses

he hears news that Viktor is missing and becomes a mess. he is alone and doesnt know what to do. 

he tries to make it known that he is missing online, making posts and videos as much as he can to get peoples attention 

he visits the Valentin house hold and offers his wife any help thats needed, despite knowing all the turmoil they went though. he cares about the kids and doesn’t want them to worry. 

Henrik Von Schneeplestein➜ Viktor Alexis Valentin

age: 32 -from our timeline 

short grey hair

extremely pale blue eyes

pale, almost sickly skin 

Height: 6′2″

German

Doctor that specializes in internal medicine (meaning he focuses on helping adults) but also is a surgeon

Father of 3 girls

loves to bake! 

a hopeless romantic actually

he is very cold and standoff ish but once he loves you, he LOVES you

blunt to a fault still though

cares about people. more so than his own well being

extremely loyal

met his wife in university. he took an anatomy art class 

his wife helped him improve his drawing skills and the two became close

he fell for her very hard 

they get married and live in a house that they saved up for (with extra help from both of their parents)

once settled, they have their children 

his wife is a biology teacher with a minor in art teaching! 

he takes family trips whenever he can to the beach! his kids love the ocean!

he comes home one day to find his wife cheated on him- he suspected this for a while now. he found a shirt underneath the bed, thinking it was just a gift for later down the road for christmas or something. he went to fix it when a piece of paper fell out of the pocket. her phone number

he never gets mad at her. he blames himself

he thinks he isnt perfect enough

he becomes extremely distant and cold, more than before. never knowing when to bring it up

the two of them grow apart but still live together

they make sure not to worry their children though, they dont want them to think its their fault. 

he never brings up this information to Noah because he doesn’t want him to worry. 

very envious of Noah though and wish he would smack him. Noah has a wife that loves him and he wishes that Noah could wake up and see that and fix his actions. 

he does break down one night and tell Noah everything that happened

one day at the office, a man came in with a horrible neck injury. 

he typically sees people who just need some medication or the worst injury being a bite from a dog, but even that wasn’t bad. 

he rushes to take care of the stranger. once they were alone for a brief second, he gets trapped inside. 

Phonus used Daniels body in order to get to the Doctor. He attacks and possesses Viktor. 

Once Phonus is done using Viktor, he takes him to a cliff near the sea

He is snaps his neck and lets the body fall into the ocean. 

Eventually, he washes up to shore where Marvin is

he stays with marvin for months while he heals up himself, he refuses to get any magic help

once he decides to leave marvin has a hard time letting go, he is worried viktor will fall victim to phonus again 

he leaves to go home but once he reaches the steps, phonus finds him again. 

Jackieboy Man➜ Riley Lee Young

age: 23 - from our timeline 

very curly blonde hair

green eyes

skin that tans pretty easily 

the most muscular out of the lads but isnt extremely buff 

Height: 5′6″

American

Lives alone in a small apartment 

a college student, unsure what to major in but possibly wants to be a vet

LOVES animals! 

a vegetarian ! 

a pretty good cook actually! 

has a heart of gold and sees the best in most people, though he isn’t stupid. he knows there are terrible people in the world that can’t change and deserve punches to the face

he watches pets and volunteers at animal shelters!

he also babysits Viktors kids to get some money

was kicked out of his home. Viktor found out about it and bought him a small apartment to live in. (he would of offered Riley to stay but he has issues at home that he doesn’t want to subject Riley to on the daily)

he is the girls big brother figure and he loves to pay pretend with them ! 

He meets Marvin and they eventually become friends

he helps Marvin gain back confidence, giving him a place to stay, and helps him actually feel . . at home in this timeline 

when he finds out the truth that marvin is from the 1920s and has powers he cannot get over how cool it is! calling him a super hero and showing him comics that he has. he helps marvin try to get a better hold on the powers

he was around whenever the fire accident with marvins powers happen, he tries to calm marvin down but ends up alone. left to wonder what happened to his friend. 

When he has to start university up again he has to let the Valentin family know that he can’t be around as much as before but will try to help out if needed 

Viktor’s wife ends up calling Riley one day and begs him to come to the house as soon as he can for Viktor has been missing for days now

Riley puts up posters and gets the news out that Viktor is missing as much as he can around the city. 

He still goes to university but spends a lot of time in the Valentin household. Visiting on holidays and the girls birthdays. Having no news of Viktor. 

he later on gains marvins powers, his mainly being electricity and strength. 

he is set on finding phonus and fixing things for marvins sake 

Jameson Jackson➜ Daniel Edmund Thomas

age: 27 - from the 1920s

slicked short black hair

brown eyes

Height: 5′7″

British

a charming, bold, charismatic man 

an actor and musician, exceptionally good on piano

very witty and clever

lives a rather extravagant life 

very close friends with Marvin, trusts him with his life

on his 27th birthday on Halloween, he throws a party

he loves to mess around with guests and asks Marvin if they can have a a seance

they try it to entertain the guests, but nothing happens (to marvins relief) 

the party continues on till its just marvin and him by the end of the night

they try again to contact from the beyond

they succeed 

he comes face to face with the demon. an invisible hand causing him to kill himself. making Marvin watch 

he becomes Antiphonus’s personal toy 

his mind becomes warped and he loses all sense of who he used to be

he tries to fight back, but once he does, his tongue is cut out of his mouth. never to be able to voice for help again 

his body now bound to Phonus becomes a personal pin cushion. being cut open and inspected to see how far humans have come with healing themselves. to see how far a human body can handle things

being trapped with phonus he starts to believe that Marvin caused his death. he believes everything phonus tells him and is set on killing marvin 

he becomes very aware of realities all thanks to Phonus. 

Antisepticeye➜ Antiphonus

age: unknown. 

an immortal being / demon

seems to have been around for centuries 

first appears invisible, then a shadow figure, to a pitch black faceless figure that takes on more of a human shape - till finally, he appears to look like Daniel 

he is fascinated with humans, very curious and destructive 

he takes Daniel in as a host. he rests inside of Daniel’s body till he is strong enough to mimic the physical outer appearance of him

when he possesses people becomes stronger. he doesnt have full control right away, it takes him a bit of time to warm up once again to how powerful he used to be. 

he can see into his victims mind when possessing them, he knows all what Daniel knows / remembers. Daniels fame, fears, friendship. family, love- he knows it all. 

He uses this to his advantage to keep Daniel around without fighting him back- using Marvin against him

he is after the powers that he accidentally gave to Marvin on impact

he travels to the dimensions he has access to and time lines in hopes to find Marvin, taking Daniel along with no choice

he lands in our dimension and timeline to sense that his powers are close by

He ends up sabotaging Marvin’s performance with fire magic in order to kill him or capture him but it fails- he looses sight of him

While he is searching through the streets, he over hears talk about the human body. He comes across Viktors practice building and opens the door a crack. He can sense so many souls and blood in that building and gets vastly curious. He notices people injured and ill, waiting for care. He hatches an idea. 

 He returns to Daniel and possesses his body. He takes Daniel to an alley way close to the building, away from the eyes of others. He grabs the sharpest thing he can find and plunges it deep into the side of his neck and carves it out slowly and rips it out. 

He quickly makes Daniel reach the building and barges in, causing everyone to look on in horror. The nurses there rush to his aid as Phonus makes Daniel gasp and hold his neck to try to stop the bleeding. Nurses page for Viktor asap as they get Daniel to a stretcher and room fast.  Viktor arrives shortly after and is fast to help Daniel. Daniel just looks at Viktor and tries to nod. 

Once the nurses leave for a brief moment and its just him and Viktor, Phonus makes the door lock them inside.

Viktor goes to inject him with medication but Daniel reaches out and grabs Viktors arm. He say to Daniel that he knows needles are scary but you need this now, let go please. Daniel sits up and twists Viktors arm, causing Viktor to wince in pain while looking shocked. 

He grabs Daniels hand with his free one and tries to pry it away, but can't. Daniel kicks him away, causing him to stumble and fall to the ground. He gets up from the bed. The lights inside the room begin to flicker faster and faster. Electronics in the room flickering on and off, radios and tv consumed with fast stations, fluctuating volumes, and static. Viktor gets to his feet and hears all this noise and sees this horror in front of him. 

Phonus leaves Daniels body, causing Daniel's wound to disappear. Phonus stands in front of him.

He gets inside of Viktors mind to find all that he can about the human body and the amount of pain that it can handle. 

He sees in Viktors mind a young man with curly blonde hair. And for a brief moment inside of Viktors mind, he sees Marvin 

in the end he ends up taking Marvin captive but finds that the powers are gone. 

he keeps marvin around because he sees too, that he gave that blonde boy his powers

so he is on the hunt for Riley 

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 7: MJ blindly trusts Beck (even though she wouldn’t!)

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This post will be the first of maaaaaaany where I’ll be unpacking the problems prevalent in the status quo presented to us in at the end of AMJ #1.

My intent is to thoroughly explore these problems in this and consequent posts before moving onto issue #2. By doing this I (and others so inclined) can try to bear them in mind as prevailing problems with every issue until such as a time as they are addressed.

In future posts like this (at least until we get to AMJ #2) I will try to dispense with the preamble and get right down to business.

But for now I should start by clearly defining what exactly the premise presented in AMJ #1 even is.

The premise as I see it is as follows:

Mary Jane, out of sympathy for him and interest in the project, is making a movie with Mysterio. A Mysterio who has disguised himself as a respected film director and hired former felons and current super villains as part of his crew. He and MJ maintain Beck’s secret from everyone (which includes Peter but we’ll get there in another post).

In this instalment I will be addressing why MJ’s trust of Beck and failure to verify his claims is nonsensical.

As touched on in our coverage of AMJ #1, Mary Jane believes Beck’s sob story and ultimately agrees to work with him in spite of his crimes and the presence of active villains. Williams writes her genuinely sympathetic and interested in the film project, buying what Beck is saying and lacking any suspicion beyond that.

The most we get is MJ (arguably) noticing Beck’s abuse of one his staff and presumably bearing it in mind for future dealings with him.

Now, MJ is great at reading people and is very aware she possesses that skill. Between her upbringing moving around the country, her profession in acting and modelling (which puts many people, in particular young women, in potentially vulnerable positions) and her experience dating and living with a superhero, it’s an essential skill and one she’s honed. You could call it her personal brand of spider-sense.

If MJ’s Spidey sense were registering honesty from someone then it’d be crucial in her decision to ultimately believe them and judge their threat level.

These pages though get muddy because Beck is mixing the truth and deception. Technically everything he is saying is  true so MJ would likely be picking that up. But he didn’t actually need   MJ to be in the movie so he was lying about that and more poignantly he is omitting the fact this movie plays into Kindred’s wider schemes.

Is MJ’s failure to register deception from Beck a mistake? Is Williams dropping the ball here?

Actually no.

Mary Jane is a good read of people, but she is absolutely not flawless in this regard. There have been times she’s misread Peter and indeed been fooled by other people. Five key examples come to mind and we’re going to be starting with the most debatable ones.

Firstly there was Jason Jerome a fellow actor who offered friendship and support when MJ began working on the soap opera Secret Hospital. Jason was a harassing creep intent upon seducing Mary Jane, regarding her marital status as challenge that’d make his ‘conquest’ all the sweeter. I go into much more detail about Jason’s encounters with MJ in this post.

I will concede that it can definitely be argued that MJ was out of character or emotionally vulnerable during the course of this subplot so it doesn’t necessarily prove anything. Nevertheless, in MJ’s canonical history she was fooled by a fellow (and more experienced) actor than herself.

Secondly there was Aunt May’s death in ASM #400. Aunt May was impersonated by a dying actress who’d been genetically altered to look like and register as her. For around a year everyone (including MJ) believed their beloved May to be dead once more proving how MJ’s ability to read people isn’t flawless. Again though there is a lot of stuff that can be contested with this example, the most significant being that as originally written the intent was that this was the actual Aunt May, not an imposter.

However even accepting the retcon one could argue that due to her pregnancy, May’s miraculous recovery from a coma and the general stress of the Clone Saga up until that point Mary Jane’s ‘Spidey sense’ was not going to be working properly. However, canonically this is once again an example of a fellow (and likely more experienced) actress deceiving MJ.

My other examples don’t have nearly as much leeway.

Perhaps the most significant is Jonathan Caesar, the Parkers’ landlord who was obsessed with ‘owning’ Mary Jane. You can imagine what that  would’ve entailed. He abducted MJ and held her prisoner for a little while. The thing is initially MJ found the guy charming and the idea he was a threat never crossed her mind.

Unlike the above two examples there weren’t any obvious extenuating circumstances that I can recall to excuse MJ’s faux pas. She was just genuinely fooled by him.

Then we have her friend Lorraine whom you might recall from part 4 of this essay series. As mentioned there, Lorraine was an old friend of MJ’s who’d developed a cocaine problem. MJ sought to help her and Lorraine seemed willing to be helped. But when MJ left her alone for a little while Lorraine almost immediately snuck out to find her next hit.

Models are not actresses strictly speaking. But to my limited knowledge their profession must involve some degree of adopting a false persona. Even if we were to say otherwise, Lorraine was clearly capable of duping Mary Jane.

Finally, for an extended period of time the Chameleon fooled MJ and most everyone else when he impersonated J. Jonah Jameson in Web #52.

Like Beck, Chameleon made a whole career out of fooling people and Beck could be argued to be even better at it than Chammy.

So the idea that someone could fool MJ is definitely possible in a lot of stories.

But we shouldn’t take MJ’s trust as a sign that she is in the right. It’s so often tempting to side with the protagonist’s POV precisely because they are the protagonist. If MJ trusts Mysterio she must feel he isn’t dangerous and isn’t that bad really right?

But the possibility that she can be wrong is on the table based upon her history and (whilst I personally doubt Williams intended it this way) that is what is happening here big time.

Now I am not suggesting that MJ should second-guess every read of people she makes nor that the above examples should be sore spots in her mind. But collectively they would enshrine to Mary Jane herself that she shouldn’t just presume her immediate reads of people are accurate, and that would go even more so for professional actors.

In this issue MJ hasn’t got any extenuating circumstances to compromise her judgement. She isn’t in the midst of an emotionally turbulent time in her life. She isn’t being blinded my friendship, loneliness or familial love. She also hasn’t had much time to observe or get to know Beck up close and personal, this exchange being the longest amount of time they’ve ever spoken to one another.

But as I spent far too much time pointing out in parts 3-5, MJ is very aware of Mysterio’s skills, his typical tactics and the horrible things he has done. She knows he is a career criminal and a dangerous/nasty one at that. And she knows that he is an incredibly accomplished and experienced manipulator/deceiver/actor, almost definitely more experienced than her self. And this is to say nothing of the times he’s personally hurt her or the people she cares about.

Realistically upon learning of Beck’s involvement she should somehow start to work against  him and most definitely not trust him!

Even exempting the personal pain he’s been complicit in visiting upon Mary Jane and/or her loved ones, she knows enough about him to be suspicious.

In knowing his skillset and M.O. Mary Jane should either not trust him at all or at the very least not simply not take everything he says at face value. She would  be savvy enough to recognize whatever her ‘radar’ is reading. At best the odds are 50/50 that her radar is off. And those odds exist precisely because making you believe things that aren’t real is the entire conceit of Beck’s alter ego.

But wait, there’s more!

Beck basically admitted to:

Stealing a man’s identity

Wasting over a year of his life working on a project that doesn’t actually exist (in a location notorious for unaccounted for landmines btw)

Using that to con people into giving him their money

Using that money to make a movie which means he’s gambling with their money without their consent and potentially gambling with the public image of the film studio, the crew and the man he’s impersonating if the film gets a bad reception or financially flops

He’s doing all this off the back of what an extremely risky movie to make in the first place. Imagine if an empathetic and unapologetic movie about the life of George Zimmerman came out?

Said movie is a vanity project explicitly about himself

He’s using current super villains on the crew. If you are a current super villain then by definition you are not out on parole, you aren’t reformed and you are still wanted by the law.

And Mary Jane…goes along with this. Lampshading the fact that it’s insane for her to do that doesn’t excuse the extreme mischaracterization of doing that in the first place.

At the very least she should run a check online or with her various contacts in the super hero community to see if he’s actually  dying. Remember from MJ’s POV Beck has full on faked his own death at least twice.  She has no hard evidence for this whatsoever beyond the word of a man who is notoriously duplicitous.

Now to play Devil’s advocate we could argue that MJ believes Beck is out of jail legally. He might’ve served his time, been let out early for good behaviour or precisely because he is dying.  Or perhaps he had legal help that weaselled him out of being locked up.

However this angle of interpretation just doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.

For starters given his very long history of very serious crimes (even excluding the ones MJ is unaware of) it’d be common sense to presume that Beck would be serving time barring extenuating circumstances. Common sense would then lead anybody to try and confirm if any extenuating circumstances exist. This could prove impossible because how accessible records on costumed criminals are to the public is unclear. But anyone with a phone or internet access could at least try.

MJ has far more than mere common sense and she’s got far more than a phone and internet access. And yet there isn’t even a hint that she makes even a lazy attempt at confirming Beck’s story.

Now let’s pretend MJ forgot every single encounter with Mysterio she knows about before Nick Spencer’s run. No faking Aunt May’s death. No helping Doc Ock in ‘Ends of the Earth’. Nothing from ‘Guardian Devil’. None of the stuff we covered in parts 3-5.

Mary Jane would still realistically be fully aware Beck committed a HUGE crime mere months ago that involved the Avengers (plus other heroes) that was also the inciting incident that reconciled her with the love of her life.

This alone  should be enough for her to not so quickly or blindly trust Beck! Even if she was unaware of the legal fallout of that event it was still an event that endangered lots of innocent people and heroes. Chiefly it endangered the love of her life! MJ trusts the guy whose actions nearly killed the man she loves most in the world!

Speaking of Peter by the way, he’s a super hero who’s regularly tangled with this guy.*

She has also worked for, is an acquaintance of or personal friends with:

Tony Stark/Iron Man

Riri Williams/Ironheart

The main roster of the Fantastic Four

Several big name members of the Avengers (including Captain America and Jessica Drew)

The Avengers faithful butler Jarvis

Members of a support group comprised of the loved ones of super heroes (see ASM v5 #8-10)

Carlie Cooper, a forensics scientist who has worked for the police

She has also encountered shape shifters, impersonators, clones and body swaps in the last 10 years of her life, so a certain degree of safety precautions would be requisite for her.

Collectively this means MJ would not simply presume Beck is walking free legally and more importantly could and would  check up on that. It wouldn’t be hard. She wouldn’t even have to tell Peter if for some reason she was worried about him knowing; we’ll dive a lot more into this in a much later instalment.

Her research would then naturally turn up the fact that Beck clearly escaped from prison. Even if the details of Beck’s trial or consequent legal proceedings (like being paroled or cutting a deal) weren’t public knowledge Mary Jane’s contacts would be able to inform her of what would’ve happened. Thus she’d know  Beck was legally declared insane and sent to Ravencroft but not legally released. 

Similarly even if the details of Mysterio’s ‘death’ in Ravencroft weren’t publically known MJ would have the means of learning that and thus confirm that Beck had faked his death once again; (see ASM v5 #24-25). This would then open up the possibility to MJ that the body the authorities have belongs to someone else. 

From MJ’s point of view, at best that’s macabre and unethical. At worst it could mean Beck caused someone’s death. MJ is clearly aware that Mysterio might be capable of such a thing because she is almost immediately concerned Beck has done something bad to the real Cage McKnight!

Now I’m not saying MJ is going along with Beck even knowing he probably killed his psychiatrist. But what I am saying is that it’s utterly out of character for MJ (or pretty much any character) to not check this stuff!

Maybe  Williams will address all this, but reading AMJ #1 it seems far more likely she’s not bothered to consider the implications of the direction she has taken. Or worse, she has but is ignoring them because she wants to tell the story she wants no matter what.

The point is moot though because MJ wouldn’t give Beck the benefit of the doubt in the first place.

There is more to be said regarding MJ’s trust issues in the story, but I think I’ll save that for next time.

*And typically won through a highly unique danger sense that MJ lacks, a sense that mitigates Beck’s abilities.

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[laurasauras]

What do you think Homestuck believes in?

g, i love you, your interest in me infodumping is honestly such a delight. i can sometimes feel like i’m talking way too much, but you always make me feel special, it’s lovely!

this is long, so i’m going to use a cut. i’m so sorry, mobile users. blame tumblr. tl;dr? i think homestuck believes in love, hope, and fighting even when the stakes seem insurmountable. 

so there’s a lot of like “core themes” in homestuck, but “what homestuck believes in” is such a lovely and specific way to phrase it, so i’m gonna go with what i think the most important ones are. 

firstly: love. and more specifically, all love. 

look, there are romantic parts of homestuck. and they’re often show-stopping.

(also homestuck does visual callbacks very well, there’s a reason that these two scenes are composed the same way.)

but the core of the story is these four kids, all of them starting from a state of isolation. they don't have "real friends", they feel disconnected from their guardians, they feel disconnected from everyone in the world they walk around in, but they go online and they have each other. and they're constantly joking and making fun of each other, but they're also checking in almost every time they achieve something, as if grounding their friends in their real life.

the story keeps progressing and getting more and more complicated, but it can never quite overshadow the beauty of the pesterlog conversations between friends.

i think that's a large part of what the audience of homestuck connects with—that feeling of connection online and the support that the characters give each other. 

i also think that a lot of the time, the friendships and familial relationships in homestuck were given the same—if not more—importance as the romantic relationships, which is fucking uncommon to see in media! almost every character has to come to terms with how their upbringing shaped them, and you know what? that's the same of almost every person.

the conversation between dirk and dave before the final battle is one of the most important and touching moments of the whole story! two of the characters most concerned with their adherence to masculinity and appearing Too Cool For Emotions talk about their feelings and trauma before hugging it out. and it doesn't further the plot, it isn't part of the hero's romantic arc, but it's vital. 

the second big thing i think homestuck believes in is the importance of doing what is right. in being a hero.

homestuck positions john and his friends as the main characters selected by the universe to play sburb and literally ascends them to god status.

they're empowered by destiny! they're going to beat the game, conquer the worst villain ever and bring humanity and trollkind back from extinction AND their new world isn't going to be under the tyranny of a genocidal fish alien!

but that empowerment is also a disempowerment. 

look at how frequently dave falls into the reluctant hero trope. fate fucking kicks them around. when they are so destined to do all that stuff, can they really be said to have free will? and when they do seem to make a wrong choice in relation to their destiny, it's either something that furthers the plot OR it creates a doomed timeline and they're usually killed horribly. 

and it's a story that is constantly reminding us that it's a story! you can definitely lose yourself in homestuck, you can zone into it and accept the rules and just read it as if it's a reasonable reality, but i don't think it was ever written that way, or when it is, i think that that's a result of hussie accidentally getting into the story as well!

like okay, we start off with this:

that's fucking bonkers. he's 13 and he doesn't have a name? but of course it's bullshit, it’s just a cool homestuck thing. because we never get a conversation that goes:

TG: so the big 13

TG: you get a name yet

EB: yup! let me formally introduce myself as john!

TG: i give that name 4/5 hats

no, dave just immediately calls john by his name. and likewise, until we're introduced to the other characters and learn their names, they're referred to by their handle abbreviations, but the second they're introduced it's first name basis time. because it's a story and our perception is what matters most.

then we have the ridiculous intermission, that starts out as what dave sees when he goes to mspa.com and which resembles problem sleuth enough that i almost thought it was just that, but then seemed to be an entirely new adventure, and then became a pretty vital subplot!

and then we have the author literally climbing into the story and we watch him type it. Don't Forget This Is All Written By Me!

the website changes format, there are the meta jokes, there's the way that caliborn raises the same complaints to hussie about the story being too long and confusing that some members of the fandom were. there's the way that pantskat happened! or they drastic changes in artstyle, often because someone else was drawing a panel!

so like, we've got these characters who seem to have goals that they've developed of their own volition and who seem to have their own ways of going about achieving them, who at times even act contrarily to how hussie says he wants them to act (remember how he attempted to propose to/revive vriska and how both she and caliborn at different times type into the narrative prompt "instead of" hussie) but of course ultimately! he wrote every word!

they don't have free will, they don't even exist! but on a different level, which any writer can understand, once you as an author have established a character, you trap yourself into writing them consistently, which can mean that while something might be best for the plot, the character metaphorically crosses their arms in your head and goes "i would literally never do that."

some characters of homestuck become aware that they are and we know they are, but most of them don't think that, they think that they're just living the life they have.

how the fuck are his characters supposed to go about their days when their author finds it funny to block their path with a giant bust of snoop dogg? and when they work for pages and pages and pages to get around whatever asinine thing andrew fucking hussie (or worse! his fans!) has come up with, there's another obstacle and maybe there's not even a point anyway!

how do you not just dismiss it as something like "hes just being weird/an asshole/etc”?

yeah, look, he might just be having a laugh. but so to might god. 

sometimes you're walking along and something really stupid happens and it makes you for a second want to believe in god so that you can stare at the sky and say "really." :|

think about why detective stories are so popular. they give the illusion that if you're clever enough, if you collect the right data and link it together, you can trace back exactly what happened and solve impossible riddles and make sense of the world. you meet a man who has dust on his knees and you can deduce that he's been sneaking down to the basement of the shop he works at to tunnel into the bank next door. there's nothing magic about it, watson, it's just good detective work.

and we neeeeed that lie! but you know how it works in the real world? in the real world, police are baffled at a crime scene until a decade later someone discovers the fingerprints belonged to a fucking KOALA! that's more ridiculous than a snoop dogg bust in a hallway, or most of the other things hussie has written.

i think like that's a huge message behind the epilogues too, because john figures out he's in a story in candy and everything feels pointless.

but if that's the world he lives in, that's the world he fucking lives in. there's nothing pointless about living.

and i think that clicks for him towards the end when he talks to roxy and then rose. rose actually thanks him for choosing a path that allowed her to have the life she had, because she loves her wife and daughter. like it's insane, but she's happy, that's the life she lived and she doesn't want a more sensible one.

so what happens to us when we get that feeling like the world is pointless? 

(which is A Major Fucking Side Effect Of Depression BTW and i still stand by my interpretation that ALL of john's shit can be put down to his depression, which is what makes it interesting)

for a generation with fucking terrifying levels of mental illness, when we start feeling like the world is too crazy and the odds are too high, and there's fucking war happening and our friends aren't even guaranteed to be on our side?

we just fucking fight anyway.

because we live in the world we live in and we just have to be grateful that we are who we are because of that.

every character in homestuck chooses this, again and again, so i have to read that as hopeful. alpha dave and rose knowing who hic is and that their kids are so far away? still gonna fucking fight and fight LOUDLY even though they know it won't change things. (on top of the fucking white house, in case the political allegory was too subtle lmao.)

there are so many messages in homestuck and honestly i feel like i’ve barely scraped the surface of them. but what does homestuck believe in? i feel that in my heart. homestuck believes in love and in doing what is right, even when it’s hard to figure out what right is, even when you might not make a difference. 

homestuck is good, actually.

[soulvomit]

When I was younger, I constantly offended people in my own age group - but not older people. I assumed that not offending older people meant that whatever I was doing was actually OK. Thing is, that’s the impression that a Gen Xr would have, because of how much the social rules were set by older people, how Boomers were the Socially Ideal Age even in the 90s and they were in the authority positions, and how the “Baby Bust” meant that Gen Xrs just didn’t have the same kind of group consciousness or all of the specific identity groups that Boomers and Zoomers have. 

Lots of us just went wherever we could and ad-hoc’d an identity out of whatever we could find from the leavings of deindustrialization; “the friends we made along the way” is, I feel, a very Gen X sentiment, because we couldn’t just filter all of our social connections down to hyperspecific cliques and refuse to associate with everyone else.  So it absolutely makes sense in this context that hearing that you offend people your own age, but don’t offend older people, is basically meaningless, because older people are who matter. Older people were my employers, and until Millennials actually came of age and joined my spaces, a majority of my friends were older people. If I was tailoring my words and jokes to the sensitivities to 40 year olds and not 20 year olds, I could still socially function. In fact, that’s what was required in order to socially function; I probably couldn’t walk into a workplace and call everyone “dude,” for example, unless I worked at a headshop. Even when I worked in tech there was still an expectation that I act polite and “adult,” especially as a female worker. I knew not to make comments that referenced people’s race or gender or what have you. I still somehow managed to offend a lot of people my own age. I assumed that older people giving stuff a pass, meant it was okay. Younger people were too easily offended and they needed to just get over it. I hung out with older people because they didn’t police my interests, or expect me to have the right opinions about pop culture. I was allowed to dislike stuff other people my age were into as long as my friends weren’t my own age.

Now that I’m older,  though, I wonder how much middle aged unflappability is just... fatigue. Because now I’m in my 40s and contemplating my interactions with younger people and seeing how rarely I’m moved by anything, my standard response to a lot of stuff (unless it’s genuinely shocking and horrible) is “meh.” Like, if the person isn’t actually saying something that needs to be called out, if it’s just an opinion I find *silly* - it’s not even worth reacting to. Like, why even bother? And I wonder if when I was younger, I took older people’s non-reaction to my passionate opinions about my-age things, as actual approval and validation, but really, they were just tired. They probably had seen about 4 different major controversies of the sort in the time between their being my age and their being their age. Because that’s where I’m at, that’s what I feel.  This means that about 3/4s of the opinions I read every day, I find... silly or trivial. I even outright disagree with stuff sometimes and I just don’t get involved because it’s not worth it. I just don’t feel like getting involved every time someone is wrong on the internet. If something isn’t an actual meaningful material concern then I have to prioritize it below things that are, and this even goes for lots of things that *are* offensive. I’m too TIRED to care about a lot of stuff. I just don’t have the energy to police everything and everyone anymore. Like, a majority of conversations about fashion or media aren’t even about the consumption habits of my own age group. People are discoursing over things that are actually irrelevant to me, that I have no part in.  It feels like having an opinion on a conversation I eavesdropped, but wasn’t actually part of. This means a huge chunk of discourse: like cottagecore, for example. See, it’s not new to me, and these same issues (romantic back-to-the-land sentiment vs anti-colonialism vs people who just want to grow tomatoes in their backyard)  have been getting trotted about for DECADES. Just because it wasn’t discoursed online by all the normies now on the internet doesn’t mean that it wasn’t discoursed. And there are a couple of subcultural communities such as pagans and such as sci-fi writers and even such as tech workers, that seem to reliably have some major controversy EVERY TEN-FIFTEEN YEARS. Seriously! I’ve lived through about 3 major controversies in all of my adjacent communities now. It’s not like the assholes that you’re flushing out, won’t exist in the future... just next time it’ll be you or your best friend that’s taken out with the trash, in about 15 years. Every time a new generation comes of age and joins these subcultural spaces, there’s a major turf war. Every time. It’s how subculture dynamics *work.* It’s especially frustrating in spaces that are supposed to be based upon knowledge that builds upon knowledge, because without fail, experienced people are driven away or their knowledge domains get completely invalidated by the new intellectual fad. So when I’m going “meh” and let you prattle on at me...  Chances are, I’m just TIRED.

[migleefulmoments]

So... Abby responds to her family's intervention by obediently telling them she'll stop (ie. lying to them). She then immediately tries to find ways to keep the blog in secret, hiding behind various usernames, lurking on her coven's blogs, more time deleting posts from both blogs we know about. Meaning, instead of getting help, she spends even MORE time online engaging in more batshit crazy crap to cover her ass. Yeah, sure, that doesn't signal dire need for mental health intervention AT ALL.

It looks like that is what is happening.  We will have to see what the future holds. What does Abby do? 

So far the fandom is flailing. Cassie got a couple of anons- one that reads like those anons Abby used to send herself as it covers all the issues they are most upset about so perfectly well (My comments in parenthesis and italicized:: 

Anonymous asked: Even if I am unsure about CC itself, I don't buy M*arr*n. I just don't. And the other side is using doxing and the fact that you and others say things they don't like about M as an excuse to do so and as a way to detract from the fact that their couple goals have some pretty big, glaring plot holes in their love story. I've not seen anyone on this side of the fandom out or dox anyone publicly as a way of humiliation. M gave up her privacy by dating D, but Abby didn't and they were wrong. Period. 

cassie1022 answered: Nonnie, I swear every time they diagnose us as mentally ill or say we’re bitter hags, an LGBTQ angel gets his or her wings. We all know my beliefs, but there are MANY people that are like you and don’t know for sure about CC but sure as hell know Miarren isn’t a normal, healthy relationship. (Funny thing, I don’t remember anyone diagnosing Cassie as mentally ill. Cassie is alwasy the wallflower that nobody wants to dance with and she tries so hard to be part of the fun people. Last week she was sad because I hadn’t sent her a “hate” message (See comment in last post below) 

Even if I remove D from the situation, I would still think M is a lazy, spoiled toddler with no discernable work ethic coupled with a superiority complex that rivals the Cheeto in Command of the US.

You are absolutely correct. Our fandom just wants to be left alone. We don’t send hateful asks to the other side. We don’t have to. They feel they have the right to dox CCers because they don’t like what we say about M, a woman that would light a cigarette from the flames engulfing them and not call 911 to help them. I mean, honestly, it doesn’t get much lower than mocking someone’s death. Plus, as you correctly said, M put herself in the spotlight “dating” D. If she didn’t want that attention, she would have stayed in the background. There are plenty of celebrities married to non famous people and we don’t see them at every event like we do M. (It is BAFFLING to me that they can’t comprhend something as simple and obvious as the reasaon they “see Mia everywhere” is because they fucking stalk her and they hyperanalzye every photo Darren is in looking for her. If they started stalking Ben Feldman they would see his wife just as much as they see Mia).    

Bottom line is what they did to Abby was deplorable, but, just like their kween, they feel justified in doing whatever they want. This isn’t the first time they’ve crossed a line with regards to my friend, but it was the worst.

notes-from-nowhere Anon, they love to throw the guilt of their actions on our shoulders, it’s how they justify what they do to themselves. They need us to be the bad guys otherwise what is the only option left? (I never know what the hell Notes is trying to say- throw the guilt of our actions on their shoulders? I’d love an example of that. I can’t imagine what guilty action I put on their shoulder. As for needing them to be the bad guys or what do we have left? OMFG are you kidding me? We critcize the cc fandom for being misogynistic, homophobic, bullies who attack  Mia, Darren, Ricky and their own Nonnies. They have viscioulsy attacked people in their own fandom who dared to question them. But the biggest reason we push back is because THEY LIE. All the damn time. So what do we have left? Being on the right side, being correct, not lying, not needing to lie, and the joy of watching Darren live his best life)   

Leka got a couple of asks but her answers were weak, confusing and pointless. It’s clear she isn’t ready to take over as their leader. She repeated Abby’s main talking points, tried to use big words to sound smarter and basically ended up not making a lot of sense:

Anonymous asked: I could be wrong, and I hope I am, but I think the character on the HW poster holding the girl is D's character, it would fit if you look at the other guys on the poster, maybe this is already the first hint to show D's character is not gay and so technically not breaking the no more queer roles rule his team set for him. It won't make it any better because it's still a career on the bag of LGBTQ+ people with it's teams but it's technically not a broken rule. I just really need for things to change, I want them to so bad, it kills me seeing someone so kind in a situation like that, and I truly believe D is one of the kindest people in that horrible town. He deserves better than M, I wouldn’t even mind if he goes onto another beard but she and RR just need to go. I really think it’s crazy people still think everything HW is real and PR relationships don’t exist, I wished that place was just better and had a moral compass, people deserve more it kind of shows just how jaded this situation has made me, I can’t even enjoy amazing promo material without directly twisting it into something negative, I don’t want to be this way and if I feel like this I can’t even imagine how D must feel. He is stronger than I’ll ever be living through hell every day, even if he’s not ok he’s still here and holding on, I don’t know if I could in his position. Sorry for the long message and the unneeded negativity, I guess I just had to vent a little

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Leka answered: So let’s look at the way HW is described:

“Each character offers a unique glimpse behind the gilded curtain of Hollywood’s Golden Age, spotlighting the unfair systems and biases across race, gender and sexuality that continue to this day. Provocative and incisive, HOLLYWOOD exposes and examines decades-old power dynamics, and what the entertainment landscape might look like if they had been dismantled.”

I do consider this the very intriguing thing about the news. (And it just goes to show that believing everything you’re sold is being utterly and completely ignorant.) Let’s say you’re right because ofc it’s possible. How does R/aymond fit in here? Given the excessive way team shit has pushed that article, a technicality won’t be good enough. There has to be a better plan. This doesn’t match what’s been said in his name.

What I think is this doesn’t necessarily have to mean much. You know very well what you see doesn’t have to be the (full) truth. That doesn’t just apply to the real HW. Especially considering the time period of this show. And let’s not forget the pap pics we got at a gas station. This doesn’t rule out SB as an inspiration. I would advise anyone to read up on him. We don’t know at this point. As we keep saying, the best thing to do is to wait and see. I’m certainly interested in finding out more.

As time goes on, the danger of this situation keeps becoming even clearer to me. D deserves much, much better. He’s incredibly strong, but the most toxic person in his life needs to go and she’s more than welcome to take the jumping jackass with her. That’s definitely the most important thing right now. (I’m curious what the danger of Hollywood is?)

awesome-fanfictionada: @leka-1998I’m just wondering - it must have been D who got himself this job on HW, right? Couldn’t this have been done on purpose to counter that ridiculous statement - which wasn’t even accurate, if the source was that interview where he stated that he wouldn’t want to be a casting director? Could in this case RM be a friend?

leka-1998:  @awesome-fanfictionada Yes, he did that himself. Again. And he said the show’s been sold late in 2018. According to an article that came out later, it happened in February 2019. Not true.

HW has been a thing before that statement was made, which is indeed very different from the answer D himself gave during the interview. That’s what makes the article seem like sabotage by team shit. And standing in RM’s way is never a good idea. So while I will obviously never like him, I’m reserving judgment on his current role until we know more.

Anonymous asked: The underlying issue in general is really that social media has made it so people think they get an accurate glimpse into the lives of celebrities, when in reality social media, like everything else that is publicly released about them, is used as a marketing tool. People are actually more inauthentic than they've ever been because they feel pressure to maintain a certain image for social media at all times. So anyone who decides D is living honestly, it's because they want to believe he is.

Leka: True, nonnie. Just look at the text lines that are becoming more popular again. Not nearly as genuine as people want to believe. In D’s case, what has to be brought up? M. Oh Halloween and her amazing shopping skills praised on SM. The work fam honeymoon pic promoting the place they stayed at. Coa/chella for the H&M ad. Mardi Gras posted shortly after the mockery to promote the designer. I could obviously go on. Most of what we see on SM shows the person the 10 year crew wants him to be. And what looks like a split personality if you compare certain posts. Which brings me back to ‘they want to believe’, as what you’re saying clearly isn’t a secret. Anyone can choose to ignore it but at this point, if that’s the case even though you’re more or less paying attention, it’s really a conscious decision.

Oh btw, there’s a HW IG account now and it already has a D follow. Imagine that. R/oyalties co-stars, anyone?

Flowers didn’t get any asks. Amazing since she has more followers than I do and she bragged about getting more “notes” than me.  She did answer azscc who posted an odd rant that baffles me.  Who the fuck is azscc and who is posting anything about her? I realize I am not the only person in this fandom posting about ccers But I just checked all the blogs that I know of and nobody is talking about her; 

azsc  its so weird how chillarrens call me a bully while i only say something rude towards them if they write bullshit towards me. and its just ironic how chillarrens go around calling people bullies while they are the reason why tons of cc accounts use their accounts private or don’t post their opinions and etc. the real threat to the fandom are people like you. so instead of going around throwing shit on people and calling them “mental, delusional...” get a life. no cc believer goes around hunting for chillarren pics and insult the account owner so why don’t you all grow up and realize no one has to agree with your opinions. every crisscolfer blog/twitter page/insta acc basically stan accs never asked for your opinions on their pages so why don’t you just let it go? no one cares about what you all say or do so why are you forcing it this much?

call me a bully i am pretty much okay with that. its obvious that people are unable to understand basic sarcasm and irony and i am not judging because to actually understand what people say you have to at least have an average IQ level. and if you don’t have it, it’s okay but that doesn’t mean you can twist people’s words and post them all over the internet. but its lowkey really funny that i only had my instagram acc for something like 4/5 months and i received over 300 hate/insult/blackmail/death wish messages and etc. and who are you people to call us bullies? (Nobody is a Chillarren. Darren and Mia are married and Chris and Will are in a long-term relationsihp,  Nobody has to “ship” them in order to believe they are together. In America, we accept that when someone introduces their wife or their boyfriend they are telling the truth. It is customary to address that person as their wife or boyfriend respectively. The crisscolfers on the other hand, must use a fandom ship name because they are shipping two people who are not in a relationship and never were. All evidence indicates Chris and Darren are no long friends; they are nothing more than former co-workers-friendly and polite when they see one another but no longer involved in one another’s lives. Chris and Darren both have denied (more than once) that the were ever in a relationship).  .   

flowersintheattic254 I have never in my whole time here posted an anon to a Miarren account. I have no desire to. I’m confident in my beliefs.

The interesting thing for me is that I’ve been here for about four years now and in that time I’ve seen the head of the fandom disappear, other people disappear because their families have been doxed, established long-term cc blogs with a wealth of history deleted without warning. I myself have had my daughters threatened.  This sort of stuff doesn’t happen anywhere in the fandom but here here. If we are a bunch of delusional crazy middle-aged women then this shouldn’t happen. (Who was doxed? Who dissappered? It’s all “liar liar” with everything ccers say. In the last 4 years Abby has been the only leader of the cc fandom. Michelle left between 4 and 5 years ago because her outrageious cc comments threatened her ability to raise money for her little Klaine-fanfic rip-off movie. I vaguely remember someone asking flowers how her daugther’s would feel if they read what she writes- hardly a threat. If there was something more she never posted any proof. As for blogs being deleted- so was D-Criss News.  It happens. The only cc blog that I know of that disappeared was DisneyPrincessModelWorld’s original blog which had was a hot mess of lies and catfishing. She visciously bullied Mia. Hardly someone to mourn their blog being deleted). 

It’s shocking that an actor may lgbt causes such drama. (HUH?)

Flower’s comment is so disingenuous. While it is technically true -she hasn’t sent me anons, she HAS instead publically ridiculed me and frankly, I can’t see how that is any different? I’d say it’s worse because they wanted their followers to see what they wrote and the only way to ensure that is to post it on their blogs. Flowers and Abby posted many public “Michy” posts.  Here is her most recent: 

flowersintheattic254Oh and I guess Michy sent us all some hate today.

I guess I have way more followers than you and only about 4 that send hate. You haven’t for ages.

I think I have over 70,000 hits currently to my blog. I must be saying something interesting.

He’s been married allegedly for a year and people still doubt. That’s gotta hurt you. Anyway......

✌️

ajw720 Michy told me today today that the outing couldn’t possibly be promo, because JS was only cast in September!  What a moron who clearly doesn’t know how HW works.  Sweetheart, it was ANNOUNCED in September;)

I was waiting for a few more months, but in 4 years, since i have been tracking, i have almost a million! (976,695 to be precise).

It is amazing that so many people care about what us bat shit crazy, irrelevant, psychologically unstable, threatening, hateful tin hats have to say!  And that does not include people reading on their dash or that hit you on the app!  So yep, Michy, clearly what we are saying is being monitored by someone.  And clearing making people think!! But you keep wasting your time writing for your audience of 4:)

cassie102 I feel left out, Michy didn't come at me today. Must hurt like hell knowing you're a joke that perpetuates a bigger joke.

leka-1998 Birds of a fake feather flock together. When the right person says tomorrow’s Christmas, tomorrow’s Christmas. Get ready, everyone.

If I narrow it down to the last six months, about 10,000 btw. Hm strange.

flowersintheattic254 @ajw720 the number of hits you have give me oxygen. If Michy thinks they are haters then she is delusional. People know when they are being sold something fake and they look for answers.