#Online life

[ceevee5]

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

A thought (question) about Parasocial Relationships, while being disabled.

Excerpted from the Tech and Science section of Dictionary.com:

The term parasocial relationship refers to a relationship that a person imagines having with another person whom they do not actually know, such as a celebrity or a fictional character.

and:

Parasocial relationships are often discussed in the context of social media and other online platforms that allow celebrities to directly “interact” with fans and followers (or appear that they do).

Though parasocial relationships are often considered common, they may be considered unhealthy when they become extreme enough to interfere with real-life relationships or daily life.

Does anyone else whose disability clashes with socializing in mainstream public places (for whatever reason), and who therefore does most of their socializing online, like here on Tumblr, for example, worry that they're only cultivating parasocial relationships, and not actually social relationships?

What if the Internet is your only reliable source of social interaction? How do you draw the lines/connect the dots?

Just something I've been wondering, lately.

[storkmuffin]

having really nice online experiences of late!

made a war & peace post and got notes from accounts literally called "officialleotolstoy" and "tolstoyas" :D

an old riverdale fandom friend who got me started on fanfic writing but then left the rvd fandom gifted me via a03 a long epic au that we constructed together years ago, using an anon account. that friendship was such a boon for me during the pandemic days, so it was really fun rereading us being manic with each other. it was such a wonderful introduction to a whole new hobby (fiction writing) that's now become one of my main joys, so i'm grateful to have had this connection and I wouldn't have ever had it but for tumblr! :D

[quipxotic]

Why hear/see breaking news via a reputable journalistic source when I can get it the way the Internet intended: via a meme on Tumblr.

[bestoftweets]

[alwaysunabasheddelusion]

@undercat-overdog

sorry making a separate post bc I want to be sure I understand you correctly about community and all and I’m not sure I can properly articulate in the reply limits.  So what I think you’re saying - and I could be totally misreading everything bc I’m operating on less sleep than usual but what I think you’re saying is something like: 

Comments are discussed as a sort of payment for services rendered, and readers say “if we keep paying then we’ll keep getting fic! If we stop paying we’ll stop getting fic!” 

And (some? most?) authors do not want payment. They are writing (or whatever creative endeavor) for the perfectly normal reason that they have something to say - even if they may say “oh no it’s just that I like the ship” there was still SOMETHING about the ship that drew them to it that they want to express. They put their fic out into the world to start a conversation, not for payment. So when people read but say nothing at all they are in a sense standing there listening to you and then walking away. (This would, I think, also explain why certain types of interaction are often complained about - kudos or simple “I liked it” is not participating in a conversation or acknowledging anything about the very important FEELING or THEME or what have you that the author wanted to express.) 

So they feel frustrated not (entirely) out of a desire to have someone say “good job” but because their desire for a conversation has been thwarted. And if someone takes inspiration from you and doesn’t credit you or talk to you it’s not just about getting credit but also it’s the same vibe as someone vague posting and when you’re hoping for a conversation realizing that someone is now having one that YOU SPARKED but leaving you out hurts. 

And people want to read your work even if you’ve decided to limit who the conversation is with which is a weird boundary violation on their part. 

So all the work you do to make a conversation happen and share your thoughts - which is very vulnerable even when your thoughts are distorted behind a fictional story - goes unacknowledged and when you say “please acknowledge my desire for conversation” readers say “but that’s too HARD. we want you to talk to us while we maybe nod at you at best.” 

[superjerrbear-81]

Death

I stopped telling people (online) that if I'm not posting/responding, I might be dead. Due to my condition, I always thought I would die early. I've watched my peers die young and thought my time on this planet was limited.

It might still be limited, but I don't tell people I might be dead. In fact, I regret ever saying as such. It's probably only led to online friends believing I'm dead because I no longer frequent the same online spaces as they. The first time I noticed this issue was the first time I stopped posting on the CBR forums.

Months after I stopped posting, one of the users reached out to me. They were worried something had happened. That's when I realized it's not the best idea to warn others I may be dead if I'm not active.

I'm now 42 and still very much alive. Sometimes, I still worry that I'll die and nobody will know except for my family. But, since I have a tendency to drift away from online communities, it would be problematic for me to revive this old habit.

[snowcreast]

If i see one more person on internet enjoying life I'll just jump off a clif.😭

[anarglitch]

about twitter (or how I learned to get back to worrying and stop loving the bomb)

Maybe a global 'public square' doesn't lead to worldwide empathy, but to a planet-sized arena of miscommunication where a 15 y/o english student with ADHD fights a 53 y/o cuban programmer over the ethics of self-diagnosis with both sides throwing personal anectodes at the other.

I don't wanna think that's the case, I wanna believe in the promise of the internet, but I'm not sure I can point to the algorithm filter bubbles or even the low character limit and state that that's the cause of all our problems.

It makes things *worse* though, don't get me wrong.

Wait, no, my whole point is that you *will* probably get me wrong, cause we probably don't share the same (or are even cognizant of each other's) cultural background, experience, neurodivergences or even mother tongue, twitter is a final fantasy boss designed by Wittgenstein.

All these barriers *can* be crossed if we come from a place of curiosity rather than judgement and take the time to learn about each other, but we're not gonna (and can't) do that to 500 strangers every day, and that sucks, I love the lack of structure in twitter .. in theory.

But maybe tumblr (and even reddit) work a bit better *because* they're more atomized (tumblr isn't as organized, but you're still far less exposed to random stuff from completely outside your circles), the dream of the mega-agora is appealing, and maybe someone somewhere will make a version of it that really will nail it, that will lead to people understanding and valuing their differences, but the versions of it we've had so far just remove all context from everyone we meet, which lead to more and more generalizations, cause that's how we came to think about each other.

My primarily experience with "popular tweets" was seeing broad sweeping statements about "men" or "women", or "incel cryptobros" or "leftist sjws", even sillier labels like "swfties" or "k-pop stans", the average interaction there is trying to figure out which boxes someone fits to speedrun human interaction, and that's... how an algorithm thinks.

I don't even think it's wrong, I did my best to communicate I fit the boxes "anarchist", "adhd", "non-binary", "artist", "retro sci-fi anime fan", I block alt-right weirdos on sight and make fun of checkmarks, I have practically pre-written replies to some kinds of people, but every now and then I feel the slight existential dread of realizing I could program a bot to do *the exact same thing*.

That's not what I wanna use my brain for, I've read big threads of different people fighting in different years play out virtually the exact same way, we're responding to decontextualization by adopting the same generalized signals, and I don't wanna become a bot, man.

What I mean is that neural networks trained to "sound human" are fed countless tweets by random people from all walks of life to try to mimic this amorphous idea of a vague human who doesn't have any of the individual qualities of a person.

And that's what I was doing, too.

I had a tumblr before, ages ago. I was still checking boxes then, mainly about fandoms, and every version of living online will involve some of that. But I believe that there's a healthy version to be achieved, communicating shorthands for who you are and what you like so you can find potentially likeminded people. Maybe I can achieve that here, again.

I think I did once, when I was too young to even realize it, and then I left it all and swam towards the social media event horizon.

See, the thing about working from home, online, is that I never really stopped spending the majority of my time in a computer, more than most of my IRL friends, most of whom have real world jobs and are sure as hell a lot closer to a balance than I am.

I kept thinking of the internet like entertainment, not too different from TV or video-games, so I kept looking to what drew my attention more effectively, just go where the current takes me, why would I put rules on fun? But it hasn't been fun. It hasn't been fun for a while, now. Because I didn't give myself rules, and the "current" metaphor doesn't work when there's an actual poseidon made of code controlling the direction of the currents.

Sometimes, you have to consciously chase the fun.

So, you know, hi.

[contentment-of-cats]

Video Playlist: Wank in the Fandom: Chapter 5. Narc 101: Setting Boundaries and Protecting Yourself

Please see the dark fandom reading shelf for more information, history, videos, and articles.

No matter what, the narc wants to control the narrative and thus control you. You need to stick with the facts and arm yourself against their assaults, but most of all you need to heal from the trauma of having a narc in your life.

Echoism is really interesting, and I think a lot of people who have been in narcissistic families will get this one. We internalize and minimize so much that we lose our own voice.

Anyone who's had hate anons also has positive love anons that are just enough to keep anons on - but sometimes the anons are from the same person. It's related to trauma bonding. Darren says that many people who present in therapy as being trauma bonded are not weak, they're competent and intelligent. Anyone who has ever 'walked on eggshells' or holding on through the lows in order to get the 'highs' of love, affection, or praise.

And how to break free.

DARVO is Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim with Offender, and it's one of the ways that narcs avoid accountability.

[ocelotrevs]

A few weeks ago I read a comment that pointed out some of the people you're arguing with online could be the same people who were in the bottom sets in your year in school.

Being in a particular class or going to a particular school doesn't mean you can't educate yourself in the future, but it did make realise something about people and how they think.

How well read is the person? Are they the kind of person who just decides the facts from the headlines, or do they read the article?

Do they know HOW to research information, or just how to consume information?

Do they know what a leading question is, and why you should avoid asking them when trying to find information? There is a difference between typing "what is this subject?" and "why is this subject bad?"

Do they know how to compare sources, and understand that there are biases to information no matter how much you trust the source?

[anotheruserwithnoname]

I use 👍 all the time at work and so does everyone else in the office. It means "acknowledged", "10-4" or whatever equivalent. I've never heard of it being taken as sarcastic.

💩, on the other hand...

another thing abt me. i use the 👍 emoji very liberally. im not being sarcastic or passive aggressive im being like cool ok or thanks for the heads up or etc. to me 👍 is an innocent happy polite little emoji

[onekisstotakewithme]

having online friends who are busy is just like. I LOVE YOU. I miss you. YOU GOT THIS. I'm giving you space to work. I LOVE YOU.

[dionysia01]

Just a reminder, you are responsible. If you are a minor your parents or who ever is supposed to care for you is, not the random stranger online whom for all you know could be a danger to you.

Plus any minor who ever feels uncomfortable over something online, please approach a trusted adult.

this is for those who despair over seeing ships or tropes that make them uncomfortable while they do their little scrolly-scroll on ao3, acting like they aren’t responsible for their own internet experience

(alternatively, the back button also works)

[kierancampire]

I'm struggling with negativity lately haha

Being someone who has no real life life, and is basically exclusively online by default, this may just be an internet thing, probably is. But it's just negativity. Like anytime something new comes out, people instantly trash it. New song, movie, game, ride, whatever. Doesn't matter what it is, people just dog pile it and act like it's the worst thing invented, then do that for every new thing that comes out.

Then, if you go against the grain, and voice your genuine positive feelings/enjoyment of that thing, people are then negative towards you, insult you, call you a shill, or otherwise act like you're this heinous and villainous person for liking that thing. But then people are just like that in general now. I used to make so many friends online, including in places like YouTube comments and such. But nowadays, if I get a notification it's because someone's attacking me 98% of the time, whenever I check comments on posts/videos, again, just 98% of them are derogatory, attacking the poster, attacking people featured, attacking people in general. It's like that's how people only know how to speak nowadays.

Then with celebrities too, some celebrities just are mass hated for no reason, and if you like them you are equally as awful. If people are involved in a controversy and their friends don't speak out, again, equally awful people as apparently everyone needs to give a statement about everything now. Which to tie to two other things. It used to be proven guilty, but now if anyone makes an accusation against anyone, it's up to the accused to prove innocent, and even then they typically hardly ever come back from false accusations. But then also, if public figures don't speak on world events, they are similarly accused of awful things and have people turn against them, a view I frankly do not get.

And people say "welcome to the internet" but I'm 28, I have been on the internet most of my life. It wasn't like this. The way the majority are now? We called them trolls. People who were needlessly hateful, needlessly negative, just constantly attacking others and trying to put them down. They were a minority, they were trolls. But nowadays? It's hard to find anyone who doesn't behave like that. Like even in communities where you would think people are together because they love that thing, there are times where to hate it is the in thing, and you speak differently you are ostracised by this community who you were meant to share this love with.

I just am so sick of all the negative views, all the negative interactions, all the negative attacks, all the negative slander, all the hate speech. I miss when people were kind, I miss when you could make friends, people spoke positively, you shared fandoms, you freaked out and squealed together. It feels like another life. I miss those days. I just am hitting my limit on this constant negativity everywhere. I think that's why I like the gym, it's so nice, positive, and friendly there. People behave like people.

Which to touch on it more too. I don't get why that is the default view of "welcome to the internet"? Why does it need to be like this now? Why is this the place where no one acts how they do in real life? Why is this the place where you speak so sarcastically, negatively, and aggressively to everyone? Why is this the place you attack and belittle strangers? People who you have no idea what they're going through at the moment? Because you have no idea who they are! Yet it's just normal to speak to strangers like shit? Again, IRL if you did this you'd be called an asshole. Yet online is custom. Yet these same people would never act like this IRL. Why has the internet become this? And why is it just so accepted? I miss the positive spaces where people were kind and we made friends.

[writingfanficsfan]

Oh gods, I hate it.

Urg.

I already need to have the Signal app on my phone for work.

I already see that damn app and it's messages every day.

Now I am also getting added to groups I don't want to be a part in.

Why are you adding me to the work facebook group?! I don't even have Facebook to begin with?

Why can't you leave me alone after work ends?!