#Ody deserved that goddamn

[frogwiththephatahh]

Okay but genuinely, "How will you sleep at night?" "Next to my wife" IS THE COLDEST FUCKIN

[assortedvillainvault]

I said I was gonna request you, and i'm finally here. Can I request more fluff Headcanons for Facilier, Headless horseman and Horned king?? 🥺 Thank uuu 💫💫 hope you're doing amazing btw <3

BUBBLY i'm so so sorry for the wait on this, I've done nothing but rotate this ask in my head for 12 months, please enjoy-!

FLUFF HEADCANNONS

Dr Faciler:

- This MAN-

- Smooooooth as butter in a slow warmed skillet in summer.

- He’s an elegant chaperone draped in shadow, a hand in the darkness, a gentlemanly escort through the city streets, he’s basically able to hear you through every dark nook and cranny in New Orleans and assistance for anything is only the bat of an eyelash at a dark alley away.

- There’s. There’s so many petnames. The way he purrs ‘Darlin’’ feels like some kind of sin.

- You better believe half of New Orleans owes him a favour or two, so when he decides to take you out on the town, you’re getting nothing but the best service. It may not be the kind of highfalootin’ places he feels you deserve, but hidden in alleyways and in cellars lives New Orleans most raucous, lively, swingin’ nightlife and you’ll both be dancing till your feet fall off.

- Even as you both go for a pleasant walk around town, his ceaseless fingers are dipping into pockets and swiping passersby to get you something nice.

- While you’ve grown used to the sensation of being watched from the darkness, Facilier started taking pains to steer you away from where the city borders the bayou after you told him you felt watched there too.

- Mama Odie has her ways of keeping tabs on you both – and the horrified look on Facilier’s face when she hollered across the river “Stand up straight!” and “Y/N better be eatin’ right!” and “I better see some grandbabies!” (regardless of gender, she has her ways) was priceless.

Headless Horseman:

- Though he can vocalise, it often hurts, so when you appeared with a book on sign language he couldn’t help but sweep you up into a tight embrace.

- You’ve gotten familiar with the signs for ‘hello’ and ‘come here’ and ‘I love you’, the last being something he takes great pride in making you blush with.

- If you don’t know how to ride, he’ll teach you, though you know for a fact his horse Alpatraum only tolerates it because the Horseman is there to supervise. You’re getting thrown otherwise.

- (since learning said horse has a severe weakness for sugar cubes you’ve been graduated from ‘annoyance’ to ‘my annoyance with snacks’. He’ll let you pet him eventually, don’t worry.)

- If you have your own horse, it’s romantic nighttime rides through the woods as far as the eye can see. But HH's favourite is when you smirk and dare him to catch you, taking off at a gallop and laughing as he races in pursuit, the horses hooves like thunder as he gives chase.

- He loves it when you get chilly, because it means he can wrap you up in his cloak and snuggle in the saddle.

- Lowkey loves it when you carve him new faces/heads for halloween, though does have a slight caveat that you please keep the design somewhat frightening. If he’s left with the hello kitty pumpkin again yes he’ll begrudgingly wear it because you worked hard on it but you’re getting stuck up a tree as penance.

The Horned King

- Tf do you mean fluff he’s cold he’s hard he’s ragged he is terror he is death whispered on the wind-

-If you kiss his hand he nearly pitches over.

- The longer you’re in his company, the more you can observe his mocking use of endearments become ever so slowly more sincere, until only he is allowed to call you sweet things – which becomes a rule enforced with ruthless efficiency in his castle.

-He enjoys walking and talking with you, which is good because you’re the only person on the goddamn planet that can convince this lich to leave his depression hole of a private tower and get him to experience a change of scenery. Even just around the parapets would be enough, and then he gets to offer you his arm for the uneven ground and have you lean on him and oh, yes absolutely dear we can make this a daily occurrence-

- His major love language is quality time – simply being in your presence is enough to soothe the hard edges of any day. His favourite thing is just the two of you existing in the same space, quietly doing your own thing, and maybe settling in for some idle handholding just to make things Perfect.

- As a sidenote – you know the thing? With the gentle handholding and the little thumb-stroke over the back of the hand? Yeah. Yeah. That.

- Because he struggles with actually directly verbalising soft feelings (he’s allergic to announcing he’s secretly made of bone shaped mush), he’s come up with the genius coping mechanism of ‘Acts of Service – gaslighting edition’.

- Example:

- “...Sire did you order the men to renovate my room??”

- “The castle requires upkeep, my dear.”

- “...but the renovations seem to comprise of. Just my room.”

- “...Perhaps once the men and Creeper prove themselves deserving of leakproof roofs and sufficient insulation I will order their quarters improved also. Now hush.”

Once again Bubbly I'm so sorry for the wait, I hope you like these little bits!!

[phantomdecibel]

Hnnnngggg,,,, au where Polites lives and they just makes it home to Ithaca safe and sound and they’re all just happy forever . What then huh .

Also it’s nice that like….. Euerylochus doesn’t feel like an idiot . I said this very thing with Odysseus in remember them but…. it feels reasonable that Eury wouldn’t trust something Odysseus got from the gods and looks into it . It feels reasonable that he eats the clearly sacred cows given that in this retelling they haven’t been told they’re sacred nor that they’ll make it home if they don’t eat it . And he’s starving .

(But also . Just need to give a HEAAAVY shout out to this comment for opening my eyes . Also . I just really like this take:

)

Anyways conclusion:

I am kissing Eurylochus on the forehead . I’m literally hugging him wrapping him in a warm blanket . I’m bringing him hot cocoa .

head in hands where the hell is my emotional support flower au. oh wait I have to write that myself–

YEAH LIKE LOOK AT HIM GO THATS!! MY BOY!!!! SOLE OWNER OF THEIR INLY BRAINCELL RIGHT TGERE! also it was the same with the going to the island of the wind god – that was the whole theme of luck runs out. we’ve seen what happens when we meddle with gods; we absolutely should not keep doing that. and they didn’t even know that the storm was piseidons doing at that point! ofc he didn’t want to risk seeking divine aid and the price it would cost to deal w a normal ass storm. and yeah they’re starving! it’s eat or die! they were fucking doomed either goddamn way! AND he was clearly soooooooo beating himself up over opening that goddamn bag. like. like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa–

(and fucking OW they kept ody alive. they kept him alive and brought him with them. even after he betrayed them and they betrayed him, they refused to abandon him. too bad he couldn’t return the favour.)

(staring at the comment ough. oooough)

GOD YES SAME. HE FUCKING DESERVES IT. HE DESERVED BETTER (do NOT get me wrong I love the way he was written and his story felt like there was no other way it could have gone in this situation I’m sobbing but not complaining. mostly)

Also the call and response in scylla. brilliant. the emotion in their voices. the delivery of motherfucking “you’re quiet today” “nothing much to say”

[padfootagain]

Just finished listening to the Thunder Saga

I am going absolutely insane. I am losing my goddamn mind.

WTF was that?!?!?!

Spoilers under the cut. If you haven't yet, y'all need to listen to EPIC: the Musical.

(Also, don't forget to stream the new versions of the Troy Saga and the Cyclops Saga so Jorge and his team can get the royalties they deserve...)

JORGE! YOU LIAR! YOU SAID YOU WOULD NOT INCLUDE THE SIRENS AND THEN YOU USE THEM TO SHOW HOW ODY IS BECOMING A FUCKING MONSTER WTF ????!!!!!

Penelope... at first I thought it was some kind of dream or throwback and then... I guessed that it was the Sirens and IT FUCKING WAS!

CUTTING THE TAILS AND LETTING THEM DROWN???????

SCYLLA WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!!!! SCYLLA WAS AMAZING!! SCYLLA MY BELOVED!! (it has always been one of my favourite bits in the Odyssey, I'm so happy, I love that song, and Ody being ruthless holy fucking shit...)

MUTINY! MUTINY AND THE CATTLE! I KNEW! I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!! AND THEY FUCKING STABBED HIM?! Also, Eurolychus, you bastard, you hypocrite... you literally opened the bag containing the storm, it's your fault if we're still doing this, you idiot, and now YOU STAB MY BABY! YOU STAB ODY LIKE THE FOOTBALL!! JAIL!! JAIL FOR EUROLYCHUS FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS!!!!!!!!! (I mean, he didn't survive long after taking over, but still...)

THUNDER BRINGER SUCH A FUCKING BANGER! A BOP!

BUT ODY CHOOSING TO SACRIFICE HIS MEN TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SOBBING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And how fucking cruel to make him choose between his own life and his crew ejfozejfoeizjfzioejfoifhrzihbrhbehebg...

[kattythingz]

10 and 13 for the ask game

-👑🐢

Hello hello! Ofc!

10. Which three fics were you most nervous to post? Why?

Just for You - Oh boy, this fic. This fic. So, at first glance it's pretty innocuous, just a cute roleswap of my boy Hiccup getting the Scourge of Odin instead of Astrid. But this prompt has originally started as a VIGCUP idea specifically. And I reaaaally wanted to keep that element because—that was why I was writing the fic in the first place! But, y'know, people get weird about ships of this nature, even when both parties involved are adults. Sigh. I worried a lot about the reception of this fic, but it thankfully reached its target audience at least!

Apple of Your Eye - as stated in a previous ask, this fic explored several darkfic elements, including predatory behavior from Adam. I made it VERY CLEAR throughout the fic that Adam was fucked in the head for his obsession with Reki, but a big part of me still worried people would think I liked the ship unironically because I. Kinda went ham on Adam's creepy behavior. BUT I HAD TO MAN!! PREDATORS ARE VERY REAL PEOPLE AND I WASN'T ABOUT TO SUGARCOAT THAT SHIT. I was dedicated to portraying the sheer fucked-up-ness of Reki's situation. Despite my extreme anxieties.

Mother(ghost) of Mine - also in that same prev ask, I mentioned this fic being very self-indulgent. In this case, it involved Dani and Dan calling Danny, a boy, mom. And the phandom as a whole looooves its trans Danny headcanons (I don't personally hc it, but I respect it). So naturally at the time, I worried people would get the wrong idea from the use of that title (and I def did receive a few comments of that nature lol). The phandom is uh... kind of a monolith, in the worst way possible. I don't regret leaving that fandom tbh. That fic was a huge stepping stone for me back into serious writing tho, so I'd never tell my younger self to not post it. No matter how much I cringe at the old writing.

13. Which three fics did you enjoy writing the most?

What Sort of Imminent Threat - I BLAZED THROUGH THIS FIC IN A STRAIGHT WEEK. It was honestly insane how consistent my energy was for it, but I had a very strong love for Ody and Eury's relationship, and I had an even stronger love for Ody as a nuanced character. Honestly, as soon as he sang "I could raise [the infant] as my own", I was locked in to make this man a father. He deserves it, damn it! It doesn't help how precious little Galen turned out, and put together with Ody being soft for him??? I'm only a woman, plz.

reap what you sow - I'm a sucker for Edward Elric and I'm an even bigger sucker for FURY Edward Elric. I really, really, really love my Hades au okay. Really. And getting to explore Ed's pov?? While exploring his several friendships and his budding relationship with Ling?? My absolute FAVORITE thing to do is explore/expand a character through their relationships, and this fic was kinda just that, with a lovely side of self-indulgent world-building. Did I mention that I love my Hades au?

By No Auspicious Day - Crown by itself is obv a fic I enjoy writing a lot (you don't slave over 110k+ for sth you don't adore lmao), but its unedited sequel holds an esp dear place in my heart. I will have to revamp it to match the new Crown, BUT, even as it is—this fic was so goddamn CUTE. It's edling being silly despite the end of the world!! They're in love!! I was giggling the entire time I was writing this fic back in 2022, and I'll do it again after Crown's finished. (Hopefully.)

[thatrandomsarahchick]

The temptation of Penelope being there, and the heartbreak of knowing it's fake 💔

Penelope actress pointing to Scylla actress, and her preening 🤣 then the arrow shot! Haha

The 'I'm watching you gesture' haha

Pretending to be captured sirens and flopping about on the boat haha

No more mercy from Ody anymore. :p

Eurylochus- finally confesses. Finally

I notice how Ody doesn't tell Ody to share around the six torches, and specifically tells him to do the lighting.

The angry face haha

Euryloches passes on the torch, letting someone else die. Again. Bitch.

All I can think of was when people thought it said 'run for your lives', and someone made an animation of the. Running around the boat like ants haha

Mutiny!! Eurylochus, stfu. Put your goddamn sword down.

The fake sword fight haha

Perimedes, you bitch. You and Eurylochus deserve what's coming.

Don't kill the Sun God's sacred cattle. Idiots. Listen to Ody.

Pretending to be the cow 🤣

Thunder bringer *fans face*

Zeus, baby, there's no need to make everything so sexual.

Of COURSE he's gunna choose his crew. They just committed mutiny, stabbed him, and then ignored him to commit the sin of slaughtering the Sun God's cows. And then they attack him again! Bitches.

Finally getting a change to watch the Epic viewing party video on YouTube.

The matching sweaters! The cast interactions!!

I literally can't even ❤️❤️❤️

[chappedandfadedvds]

Jan 14th, Thursday 21:39

If only someone had stood witness to the destructive nature, that arose from a simple conversation on the sofa half an hour ago, they could have stopped this.

The show on the tv they had watched was forgotten by now, as the two stood strictly three steps apart in the middle of the livingroom. The heavy tension high when they faced each other through hard eyes. Neither of the two boys had backed out yet. Whatever may be said next tonight would only bring the truth that they had ignored for far too long.

And perhaps if they looked back on it, this moment had been nessecary, even though it only brought pain, when Jens overstepped the unspoken and careful line they had draw at one point between their first encounter and this night.

And maybe he would have stopped himself from voicing this sentence out loud, constructed of wrong words and false intent. If only he had cared enough to notice the violent storm brewing on the horizon.

„You do not understand this. You can’t. I’m not doing this to you.“

Too late. The tempest arrived. And they prepared to sink.

„Shut. The fuck. Up.“

Jens did, stunned into silence by the shock at the harsh eyes staring him down. Unfamiliar on a face he could draw blind. The younger boy loomed over him, radiating danger.Unnatural for the younger boy, who always seemed to keep a cool head and mellow attitude.

Lucas took a deep breath. The orange light of the lamp by the piano reflected in his eyes. 

„Shut up, you selfish asshole. God! I’m so sick and tired of this. You never ever fucking listen to me. Never trust me to know what I want.“

„That’s not true.“ Jens tried, his voice deflated at the lie he kept telling to both of them.

„No? Because I am pretty sure that that’s exactly the case.

You never listen. You never let me explain myself. You never talk to me. And I am not speaking about you yelling at me on random nights that you decide to burst.

I know what you are doing and it is self-destructive.“

It felt like a knife had been raised to his throat. Jens lost the ability to think.

„Just this once you are going to stay quiet and let me tell you what I think.“

Jens nodded wary. There was fear there in his heart. He didn’t wanted to listen to Lucas. He didn’t wanted to hear him out. But he had to, That’s what Jens burned on a loop into his mind to keep the desire to scream back locked inside.

„I tell you over and over and over again, that I don’t mind, that I want to be here, that I want to be with you. That you can tell me anything. Every single time.

And you don’t believe me, don’t trust my words, and it fucking hurts to stand on the sidelines. What do you want me to do, Jens? What?

I really want to scream at you rigth now, if it wouldn’t be for Lotte asleep upstairs.“

The hurt was marked deep in the younger boys expression, as he straightened his back. Jens felt small compared to the force that was brought against him. 

The voice only raised loud enough to strike Jens down. Lucas was attentive enough to not wake the only other member in the house as he took a step closer, his hand combing the hair out of his face.

„Jens! This is not going to work. I know what you are doing and it is not going to work!

Botteling up emotions and thoughts in silence hasn’t worked for my mother a year ago and it will not work for you now. Sorry that I have to break it to you. But fuck you! Fuck you for deciding on my behalf. For keeping me out of it. Do you think I don’t know how much this sucks?

Should we have met in the highst of summer, smoking, sipping beer at a lake. Kissing underwater and driving our bike through the heat of the sun. Yes we should have. We should have our parents at home, happy, a bit stressed out by work, but still completely there for us. We should laugh and party and worry about passing history class this year. Waste all our thoughts on what to do for our brithdays and which university to attend. Tough luck. We don’t.

We have this stupid pandemic and asshole governments and on top of it all our family’s problems.

My father is a fucking homophobic piece of shit, yours wasn’t even really around to begin with. 

My mother is so ill, her brain needs medication to function properly. She just left me to figure it all out by myself a couple years ago. I washed my clothes and learned to cook at least some damn pasta. My father burning himself out at work, everything to not have to be home until he took off. She was fucking suicidal at times, breaking down without apparent reason. It’s fucking scary to see traces of it in your behaviour. And I can’t believe that I am the fucking lucky one here between us.

Because, I had Kes to help me through it, when I called him up one day. He listened and never left afterwards. And my mom is getting better. She’ll be fine. I get to have her and my life back soon.

And yes you have it worse. I know. I am so, so, so sorry. Your mom is dying, leaving you with your sister. If us breaking up would fix this, I’d be out already two month ago. But it wouldn’t. 

I fucking love you, Jens, and you are so goddamn stubborn. I wish I could hate you sometimes. I really do.

I was the one who moved to a different city midterm, I didn’t know a single person here, my mom is home maybe two days a week, and would you have told me the moment we met, what was happening in your family, it wouldn’t have changed a thing for me, okay?

Can you at least trust me on that?

You are not to blame for my mom’s absence. But I am not to blame for yours either.

Tell me Jens. When have you ever asked me how I am feeling? I can’t think of a time. But I would have answered you right away. Instead, I kept quiet to not burden you more than you already are. However when I ask you, all I get is silence.

I don’t deserve this.

This is not okay. We should be talking to each other.

So, I am going to go home, I would have anyway tomorrow with my mom being there the night. And I’ll call Robbe on my way, tell him to come here and bear you company. I know I won’t be able stay away otherwise. And you better open the fucking door for him, because if you don’t, I swear to god, I’m going to break into this stupid house of yours and do it myself.

I care too much for you, I think.“

Lucas shoulder’s sank in a tremble. And Jens noticed he had hold his breath. His lungs burning for air.

„You are not going through this alone. Everybody wants to help you. You just don’t let them.

Think about what you want, what makes you happy. If you decide that a relationship is too much for you at the moment, I promise I’ll understand. But make up your mind. I don’t want to fight you, Jens.

I love you. And.

I don’t know what else to tell you.

I’m sorry. We just got unlucky. Figure your shit out. I’m tired of this. And call me when you can tell me what you want.“

The room dropped into nothingness as the voice ebbed away.

Lucas deserved to give his anger away. Lucas always had kept quiet at his side.

So Jens forced himself to silently watch his boyfriend walk out of the room to grab his jacket and put on his shoes. Jens had followed with his eyes until the younger boy had stepped around the corner, and had found his feet to carry him into the doorway a moment later.

Lucas had waited for him to come and see him leave. How cruel, Jens thought.

They didn’t said another word. Everything that needed to be out there was stated and ready to be dissected over sleepless nights.

The younger boy exhaled, sorrow in his gaze, that was answered by Jens with his own. 

And then the bond snapped and a cold wind hit him, as his eyes kept staring at the back that vanished into the night. Perhaps he should run after him. That’s what people in movies did, right? 

Proclaim their love and shower the other in apologies and heartfelt compliments. A kiss. Happy End.

Jens couldn’t fathom the depth of the despair in his tears as the waters swallowed him whole under crahing waves. At worst this was the end. He prayed it had been needed to make them right one day. For now all he could give Lucas was to follow his wish and contemplate his words.

At least for tonight.

He closed the door and decided to stay.

__ __ __ tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

notes:

How we doin, guys, girls and pals after this?

Cos Love by Tom Rosenthal is a song I listened to a lot thinking about this clip.

But what I actually wanted to say was, that I hope that you understand where Lucas is coming from here. My whole story is seen from Jens’s eyes and I’m not going to rewrite certain parts from other perspectives. I’m not going to say that he is completely right and that he hasn’t said some awful things in this one, but try to see Lucas here. If it would have been his clip, I would have inculed this paragraph:

__ „No? Because I am pretty sure that that’s exactly the case.

You never listen. You never let me explain myself. You never talk to me. And I am not speaking about you yelling at me on random nights that you decide to burst.

I know what you are doing and it is self-destructive.”

He gave and gave and gave, until all that he was met with was an empty heart. So he would take it back, reclaim his soul and mind before it would go to waste in uncaring hands.

„Just this once you are going to stay quiet and let me tell you what I think.“ __

I hope it did it justice. It needed to happen, I’m sorry.

[trans-snart]

❤ James' Top 15 of 2020 ❤

I feel like I only focused on two different things this year so I'm just lumping music/tv/movies together for this list in no real order:

Kylie Minogue's Disco: ahhHHH, she really pulled out all the stops for this one. The ABBA and Donna Summer samples... *chef's kiss*

The Chicks' Gaslighter: they're BAAAACK 🤠

Niall Horan's Heartbreak Weather: the titular song ended up being my #1 song of the year, so of course it deserves a mention

Megan Thee Stallion's Good News: BODY-ODY-ODY-ODY-ODY 🕺🕺🕺 I just love her so much.

Troye Sivan's In a Dream EP: I cannot resist gay angst I can dance to.

Carly Rae Jepsen's Dedicated Side B: SHE JUST KEEPS DELIVERIIING 🤯

Keiynan Lonsdale's Rainbow Boy: 🗣🎶AND THEY BE BITCHIN' 'BOUT THE HOMOS, 'CAUSE THEY GOT THE FOMO, BET THEY WANNA TASTE THE BUSSY SO GOOD🎶 BEST ALBUM OF THE YEAR, HANDS DOWN. Love of my LIFE with his debut album, PLEASE go listen.

Birds of Prey: the last movie I saw in theaters before quarantine 😔, had a blast and it made me gayer.

Doctor Who: I really enjoyed series 12! I adore the companions and Sacha Dhawan as The Master was a real treat.

The Baby-Sitters Club: a masterful modern update that perfectly maintained the nostalgia factor imho, and I cried during every episode.

CW DC shows (LoT/Black Lightning/The Flash): the crossover was a mess, but I overall really enjoyed the seasons for the individual shows, we had some sad goodbyes but also met a lot of new great characters so I'm calling it a win.

The Haunting of Bly Manor: the world finally got with the picture in regards to Rahul Kohli. also Owen and Hannah broke me 😭💔

Star Trek: Picard: I had a ton of fun with this season, we got six different Santiago Cabreras, Elnor, a satisfying end to Data's character, and canon gay Seven?! Very little complaints from me.

What We Do In The Shadows: this show just keeps killing it, I can't wait for what comes next for my main man, Guillermo.

The Old Guard: DUH, this movie took over my goddamn life and broke me out of a decade-long depression writing rut. I love this movie a normal amount, obviously.

Best Social Distance Events: Hannibal on Netflix, Spotify Wrapped & Subsequent 48-Hour Playlist with my wives, Supernatural Season 16 Chaos

❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: The Princess and the Frog

After the disaster that was Home on the Range, Disney wasn’t too keen on going back to traditional animation. It took them five years to release a new traditionally animated movie, and… it underperformed. Not super badly, mind you, it had great reception and solid returns, but a combination of bad marketing and going up against James Cameron’s Avatar really hurt the film. That film is, obviously, The Princess and the Frog.

This film’s pretty interesting in a lot of ways. We have our first black princess, our first American (as in, citizen of the United States) princess, we have a film set down in New Orleans in the early 20th century… this is a pretty interesting film for sure. The real question is, is it a GOOD film? Can it stand up with the best of the Renaissance, or is it a weak work that shows Disney made the right move switching over to 3D animation?

So here’s the tale Disney gave us today: Way down in New Orleans in the 1920s, a young black waitress named Tiana is struggling as a waitress to get enough cash to start her own restaurant. Things seem hard until the wily prince Naveen rolls into town, and Tiana’s rich white BFF Lottie is so into this dude she says she’ll give Tiana fat stacks of cash to cater a party so that Lottie can woo the man. But Lottie’s not the only one who wants a piece of this prince; the wicked practitioner of voodoo and sleazy conman Dr. Facilier tricks Naveen into making a deal with him, turns Naveen into a frog, and turns Naveen’s put-upon manservant into a replica of Naveen as part of a ploy to gather up souls for his Friends On the Other Side. Now a frog, Naveen goes to get kissed, like in the stories… so Tiana kisses him! And then… she becomes a frog too! Now these two clashing personalities are stuck in frog form, and embark on a journey to change back before Facilier gets his way. Can they do it, or will these two croak?

One of the best things about the movie is just how well-researched and authentic so many aspects of it are. Most importantly is the voodoo; directors Clements and Musker avoided using any real symbols so they didn’t piss off practitioners or evil spirits, but you can tell they did a lot more research on it than most do. This is most evident in the existence of the character known as Mama Odie, who is a GOOD voodoo practitioner, a shocking rarity in any film that features it. Yeah, there’s more to voodoo than the wicked pincushion dolls and black magic and chicken sacrifices you see in your typical movie featuring voodoo. Beyond that, we have New Orleans native Randy Newman delivering music that feels authentic to the locale, and we have Jim Cummings playing a character with his authentic Cajun accent he picked up working on riverboats (not the first time he has played this sort of character; he did it before in Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island, though, uh… Ray is a much more pelasant character than the one he plays there). Then of course there’s Ray’s lover Evangeline, whose name is a reference to a famous poem of the same name by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, a poem considered the unofficial national epic of the Cajun people. Mad props to this movie for going out of its way to go to such lengths to make their setting really authentic.

Sadly, this level of quality could not be packed into our main character, Tiana. She’s… alright as a character, but she’s not very interesting as far as Disney princesses go. Her major flaw is that she’s a workaholic and so has to loosen up a bit; in fact, she spends more time teaching other characters lessons than learning anything herself. And she’s completely removed from the villain’s scheming for the most part, with her only getting targeted because she’s around Naveen. The first time she meets Dr. Facilier is during the final confrontation, for fuck’s sake! I hate to say it, but she reminds me a lot of Susie Carmichael from Rugrats, being the poster child for positive discrimination. Now don’t take this as me saying she’s an awful character, or bad representation, or anything like that; there is stuff to like and admire about Tiana for sure! I just don’t find her particularly interesting, especially considering…

...how colorful a lot of the other characters are! We have Naveen, who is the jerkass egomaniac who develops as the movie goes on, becoming humbled by his experiences and learning there should be more to life than reckless hedonism; this is the kind of characterization I would have liked from my princess, and in Disney movies this is usually the case, with the princess being the character with lots of characterization and growth while the prince is just eye candy with little depth (Tiana is not that extreme a case, don’t worry). Then we have Ray, who is a divisive character, but… I like him well enough. He’s so sweet, and goofy, and voiced by Jim Cummings, so how the hell could I hate him? There’s also a certain scene with him towards the end, which I have to applaud for going against a typical trope Disney loves to use. I won’t spoil it, but you’ll know it when you see it. Then there’s one-scene wonder Mama Odie, who gets a song and very little screentime, but damn she makes her mark! This blind old lady steals the show when she struts on screen! Oh, there’s also an alligator named Louis who wants to play trumpet. He has like one good joke. I find him pointless. Moving on.

There are two characters that rise above the others in terms of how good they are. The first is, shockingly, Lottie. A rich white girl in the 1920s in a movie where the protagonist is a poor black girl… ooh boy, you’d expect Lottie to be nothing more than a self-absorbed spoiled rich bitch. But holy fuck, she is actually the sweetest, kindest, most likable rich person you will ever see in a movie! She absolutely ADORES Tiana, and just goes out of her way to help her. She is the poster child for spoiled sweet; she may be a bit ditzy and silly, but goddamn this girl’s heart is in the right place! It’s so refreshing to see a character like her; it would have been so easy to make her a snobby rich asshole, rather than the bouncy sweetheart that she is.

And then, of course, we have Dr. Facilier, the big bad of the movie. Voiced by Keith David, he is absolutely the highlight of the film. In fact, I’d go so far as to call him the last TRUE classic-style Disney villain until Tamatoa belted out “Shiny;” he’s hammy, he’s charismatic, he has an awesome villain song, he has a great performance from a great actor… he can easily stand alongside the greats like Ursula, Scar, Gaston, Frollo, Hades, and so on. If there’s any problem I have with him, it’s that they could have given a little more info on his problems with his Friends, maybe explored that a little more, but still, what we got is classic Disney villain. And as any great Disney villain, he gets an incredible, nightmarish death, rivaled only by his trippy, terrifying musical number’s visuals! Facilier has got it all! He’s easily one of my favorite Disney villains of all time.

The best way I can describe this is as a lost Disney Renaissance film. It really feels like it could fit in that era alongside films like Aladdin or Beauty and the Beast, especially in regards to the villain. Still, the film isn’t perfect, and does suffer at least a little due to our main protagonist not being quite as interesting as she should be. Still, I’d definitely recommend this to anyone who likes animation, and I most certainly believe this movie deserves better than what it got; it’s an underrated gem, not to the extent of Atlantis or Treasure Planet, but definitely a Disney film that deserves a little more love and respect than it got upon release.

[cracked]

In the simultaneously overcomplicated and unambitious world of Pet Force (which takes place in a comic book in Garfield's world), there's a parallel dimension ruled over by Emperor Jon Arbuckle (Garfield's owner) and protected by the Pet Force. Peace is being threatened by Vetvix, the parallel universe's version of Liz, the veterinarian that Jon has been sexually harassing for years.

Garfield becomes super-strong Garzooka, Odie turns into the also super-strong Odious, Arlene becomes Starlena and gains singing powers, Nermal gets freezing and forcefield powers as Abnermal, and Pookie becomes a cyborg teddy bear called Compooky. If Jim Davis molested a can of alphabet soup, its subsequent testimony would spell out the plot to Garfield's Pet Force.

Despite being an idea that would seem like a stretch for a piece of fanfiction, the saga of Garfield's Pet Force unfolded over the course of six goddamn novels. Not comics -- novels. And it played the premise much more seriously than it deserved, sometimes going to legitimately dark places. 

The last book was published in 1999, and the casual reader would have been justified in thinking that Jim Davis had sobered up and moved on. But no, in 2009 Pet Force came screaming back to hideous life in the form of a feature-length CGI movie that, despite being distributed by 20th Century Fox, looked like a cutscene from a mid-90s PlayStation game.

Any Franchise Left To Its Own Devices Will Go Off The Rails

[princessnijireiki]

@jhenne-bean ALSO WORD @ them loving a hard working Black protagonist "fighting the good fight" from WITHIN a respectable system…!!! it's the Good Negro mold without any of the intracommunity baggage AND w/o acknowledging the toxicity of allllll that. honestly, between that, Mama Odie, and Dr. Facilier, I can't stand TPatF, I really can't. ppl laud Cinderella for her work ethic & positivity under duress and is GIVEN the magic to get a prince… Tiana has to be portrayed as So Strong and Constantly Hardworking, narratively is never GIVEN that break or that acknowledgement of equal hardship to Cinderella's as a baseline (let alone racially!), even AFTER being TURNED INTO A GODDAMN FROG. no, she's given more hard work AND emotional labor. the plot is not constructed so that halfway through we say she deserves a soft ending, she deserves a princess moment… not even like a Swan Princess deal with a human dance (or even a hallucination of one!!) in the swamp before RETURNING to being frogs… no, Tiana has to "earn" it. and when she DOES turn into a princess, she still has that damn bun. Brandy could have braids in 1997 Cinderella bc it's a damn fantasy, TPatF had a talking jazz alligator, but Tiana can't get a twist out??? I can't fucking stand them as a company, I really can't.