#Ocean Bottle capacity

[crazydiscostu]

Ocean Bottle

The Ocean Bottle, a product born from a blend of environmental consciousness and innovative design, represents a meaningful stride toward sustainability in a world increasingly aware of the impact of plastic waste. Today we delve into the nuances of the Ocean Bottle, examining its origin, design, and features, while providing an objective analysis of its overall performance and potential impact.…

[heesdreamer]

Anything

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ Four years after he disappeared from your life your childhood friend and love returns back to town completely changed.

WARNINGS ➩ Heeseung is an addict and not a super amazing person, broken people with bad communication skills, rough smut, like quick hate sex basically. Super angst but I hope it’s still a good read lol… based in the late 90s early 2000s

WC ➩ 11k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ A bit nervous to be posting here again after five months since I’m pretty rusty but hopefully you’ll take it easy on me lol. No part two for this and it’s an open ending (my favorite) so infer what you’d like but feel free to ask me anything about the story or the characters! Hope it’s okay and I missed you guys. NOT PROOFREAD

Summer was pretty much the constant season where you grew up outside of the few weeks the sun disappeared and the rain turned the beaches grey.

You appreciated the break every year considering it just made the heat coming back feel ten times better, that first day being able to run into the ocean again always feeling like your towns personal version of new year.

Let the salt water wash away your sins and the tears that had long dried on your sun kissed cheeks.

Your town had been spared from tourist for most of your childhood even though it’s definitely gained traction during more recent years if the alarming amount of people outside the local diners said anything.

The locals didn’t mind as long as they cleaned up their empty bottles of sunscreen from the public beaches and didn’t interfere with the abundance of native wild life.

You definitely didn’t mind considering you were on your sixth year working at the smoothie shop just a block away from the most popular beach and you enjoyed suckering large families out of large tips by giving them basic fun facts about the area they could use for their vacation.

It was the least you could do as somebody who lived in a permanent one.

This years version of those rainy few weeks came in the suddenly deliverance of news you’d never even imagined hearing let alone prepared yourself to deal with.

“Hey.” Jake sounded out of breath as he crashed through the flimsy door of the smoothie shop, hair wet from either just leaving the beach where he worked as a lifeguard or from the slight drizzle that had started to pick up.

“Hey, don’t get my floor wet. Assuming you’re off this week?” You were folding cleaning rags in preparation for closing up the shop for the next few days due to the news channel continuously warning the locals of a storm coming.

Jake rolled his eyes at your light scolding but you noticed that he did avoid sitting on the stools or touching anything he could get his wetness on.

“Oh so it’s your floor now?” He was cocking an eyebrow up as he looked at you and now it was your turn to roll your eyes, a light smile on your face at the teasing.

You’d know Jake the same amount of time you had known pretty much anybody living in the town which was basically the entire sum of your life. All the kids went to the same small school district and everyone’s parents knew each other to some capacity so there’d never been a time you didn’t know him and your other friends.

“So…” Your extensive knowledge of him made it even more obvious that he was about to tell you something you didn’t want to hear, his tone changing to the same one he used whenever he had to let the beach goers know the waters weren’t safe. “He’s back in town.”

The mood in the small shop changed immediately and you tensed up from where you were still folding the rags, placing the one you were working on back down onto the counter and squeezing it with your hand.

You noticed the rain picking up outside and it was almost ironic how it seemed to match your mood.

“Oh.” That was all you could manage to say and Jake dropped his shoulders in defeat at your dull reaction. “No Jakey thanks for telling me that’s.. it’s nice to have a heads up.”

Neither one of you spoke for a few seconds and you let the sound of the wind whipping around the thin metal panels of the roof distract you just enough to stop you from immediately bombarding him with questions. You didn’t need him to know how much you cared even though you knew he already did.

“Did- did you see him?”

“Saw his mom at the market on my lunch break.” He was watching you so intensely that it was starting to annoy you. He looked like he was waiting for you to explode and you were considering giving him what he wanted just so he’d stop staring like that. “They’re like.. well he’s back in the old house so I’m assuming that means… yeah.”

He was awkward in his delivery but you understood exactly what he meant, your old friend wasn’t just back in town for a vacation or a trip down memory lane but instead he was back for at least the near future.

Your head hung low as you tried your best to not react outwardly but the humorless scoff left your mouth before you could stop it and you heard Jake sigh near the door.

Luck was at least in your favor considering the news was right and the rain didn’t stop for another four days meaning you and the boys didn’t have work and there was no chance of you running into the exact person you wanted to avoid.

You spent your days at Sunghoon’s house which was on the other side of town from where you and the rest of your friends lived.

Sunghoon had been the last person to join your small group and he almost hadn’t been accepted considering he didn’t go to the same school and actually didn’t live there at all. His father was beyond wealthy and owned a nice property up on the hill, a place you and your friends used to sit on the beach and stare at while daydreaming about living there.

He came down every winter from the city so him and his dad could escape the cold and icy roads and then he’d leave again once the temperature picked up.

Naturally this made him a bit of an outcast compared to the rest of you who grew up together and spent nearly every single day hanging out and playing on the beaches but you liked him nonetheless.

He wasn’t as spoiled as you figured he probably could have been and if anything he was actually pretty sheepish whenever someone mentioned how much money he constantly had at his disposal.

You’d all tease him until he bought you snacks and ice cream in bulk just to get you off his back, a silent peace offering.

An even more silent ‘I’m sorry you’re poor and I’m not’.

Once you all got older and his dad got too tired to continue the travel back and forth just to avoid some snow, Sunghoon would come by himself just to see you all and you imagined it was any day now before he decided to stay for good.

The image from their hillside property was breathtaking even through the storm, floor to ceiling windows that you’d perch yourself on while the others slept. It had a perfect view of the biggest beach and the mountains behind it and despite growing up with it as your backdrop, you never got used to it.

“Can’t sleep?” Riki’s voice was echoing through the nearly empty living room, a feat of Sunghoon’s dad practically moving out.

You turned your head to see him shuffling towards you in his pajamas with an open bottle of wine in his hands. He was taking a swig before nudging your leg with his hand so you would move it and he could sit down beside you with a groan.

His back was against the other side of the windowsill and your legs were crossing over his in a mirror image but he looked just as exhausted as you figured you did and it was sort of comforting to know you weren’t the only one handling this bad.

“When do I ever sleep?” Your hand was sticking out as you spoke and he took one more sip of the wine before handing the bottle over to you.

Your face pulled into a grimace at the sour taste and he laughed softly at the reaction before leaning forward to snatch it back and keep it away from you. You looked back out the window but you could feel him staring at you now and you sighed.

Riki had been around just as long as Jake had but he was also your neighbor which added another layer of familiarity. There was no hiding your family issues with him like you attempted with the others because he was one window away and often the person you ran to when things got too hard.

“Saw him in town you know, before we headed up here.” He was starting off in a whisper like he was testing the waters and you were getting sick of people treating you like a loose canon when it came to this. “He looks different.”

“Obviously. He was a kid last time we saw him and he’s what, 20 now?” You phrased it like you weren’t too sure but both of you were aware that you knew his exact age. You’d never forgotten his birthday and your mood soured every year on that day for the past four times it cycled past.

“21.” Riki clarified anyways and you appreciated that you both pretended you’d be able to make that mistake. “And I don’t just mean he grew up I mean he looks terrible.”

Your stomach turned uncomfortably as graphic images made their way into your mind and you squeezed your eyes tight at the thought of him and what he could possibly look like now.

“Why are you telling me this Riki?” You sounded hurt and lost and you felt his leg nudging yours again like he was either trying to comfort you or snap you out of the tense state you’d fallen into. You opened your eyes and stared at him and the way the moonlight highlighted the side of his face.

“I told him I’d meet him for lunch once the storm cleared up.” He said it slowly and that made it that much easier for you to hear the overwhelming guilt in his voice. “I’d like for you to be there. I’m asking you to be there.”

Your face fell flat but he didn’t stop looking at you as he dropped the bomb and you almost wanted to shy away from the intense gaze just waiting for you to show that you cared.

“You can’t ask me that.” It came out as a whisper and you hated how weak you sounded at just the idea of seeing him.

“But I am.”

—

Two days later the clouds were gone like they’d never been there and the unrelenting heat was building back up at full force. You all returned down from the hillside property with raging hangovers and a suffocating promise.

You tried to ignore your phone ringing on the wall because you knew who it was, or at least could guess out of three names but it was pointless considering Riki was right next door and the ringing soon turned to knocks at your window.

So you told yourself you agreed to the lunch because you were sick of being harassed about it and it was not because you needed to see him for yourself.

If anything this was your chance to prove you didn’t care about him and you just had never felt that level of loss before. It wouldn’t kill you to hear his voice and listen to the way it’s changed over the lost time and you’d be able to get through the meal with a few awkward conversations before getting to go back to your regular life.

You were immediately proven wrong the second you pushed into the restaurant and you would have stopped in your tracks if it wasn’t for Riki’s guiding hand on your lower back.

He worked at this restaurant and it was directly on the shore of the beach so despite it being busy post storm he was easily maneuvering you through it towards the table.

You stayed back a few feet as the boy stood up and went to greet your other friends, a few awkward seconds passing like they didn’t know wether to shake hands or hug before Jake was moving forward and pulling the older boy into a tight embrace.

Sunghoon was doing the same and rubbing the back of his head comfortably before Riki gave him a familiar pat on the shoulder due to the fact they’d already gone through the first encounter nerves.

The three boys immediately climbed into the booth and started to flip through the menus to give you some privacy even though you all knew they’d eaten the same things here since they were kids and knew every dish like the back of their hand.

You still appreciated the gesture considering the second he looked at you your heart clenched painfully and you suddenly felt like you were 17 again.

“Hey y/n.” His voice was low as he spoke but you could still hear it enough to notice you barely recognized it. It had dropped a few octaves and it was painfully raspy.

“You look like shit Hee.” Your blunt words and the use of the familiar nickname made him scoff out a laugh and he nodded his head in agreement to your insult.

He truly did even though you were just trying to tease him and loosen the atmosphere. He was ten shades paler than the rest of you but you had a feeling it wasn’t due to him not being around the sun all the time anymore. He looked nearly sickly and your stomach turned the more you saw the signs of that being true.

His eyes looked tired and sad but what was the worst change was how skinny he was. He’d always been thin but now he was towering over you and still looking like a strong wave could take him out.

He sniffed uncomfortably because of your intense gaze and your eyes honed in on his prominent wrist bone and the way he flicked at his nostril.

Your eyebrows furrowed at the action and he immediately lowered his arm like he’d just been caught doing something, confirming your belief.

The silence was awkward but luckily one of Riki’s coworkers was approaching to get your drinks and you scooted past the tall boy so you could slide in the booth besides Sunghoon.

It was unusual for you to be nearly silent and not engaging in the conversation but you couldn’t really handle trying to fumble your way through acting like everything was normal like the others were.

You started to wonder if they really did think it was just a normal meal while catching up with a childhood friend.

It blew your mind to consider that maybe they didn’t see the way Heeseung was constantly bouncing his knee and picking apart his napkin or the fact he’d barely taken a bite of food the entire time. Did they not see his fidgeting eyes and the fact he looked sick every glance he took towards your direction.

The boys did their best to fill the silence without bringing up anything that would let Heeseung know how much he’d missed out on and soon enough everyone was having to go back to work.

You’d gotten the day off since the storm had drastically killed off the tourist that make up 90% of your daily customers and you could tell the boy across from you felt a bit lost when everyone stated their plans for the rest of the day.

“Did you maybe want to go to the beach with me?” You had no idea why you were inviting him but by the time you noticed the shocked look on your friends faces, it was too late and the offer was hanging heavily in the air.

He looked around like he wasn’t quite sure you were talking to him and his eyes were a little more alert when he finally turned back to face you.

“Uh yeah sure.”

Riki gave you a cautious look as you left and Sunghoon parted you with a swift kiss on the cheek and another firm hug for Heeseung. Jake was heading to the same place as you for his shift as a lifeguard so it made the walk down the street a little less awkward.

The roles reversed from lunch and now it was Heeseung’s turn to fall silent while you and Jake softly joked and made casual commentary on the damage the storm had did. You would have forgotten he was there at all if not for his constantly sniffling and the fact his presence shifted your entire atmosphere.

“Be safe yeah?” You weren’t sure if it was meant to have a double meaning but Jake made your stomach turn as he left your side to head to the watch tower.

Heeseung was clearing his throat beside you but you ignored him in favor of finding an umbrella to sit near, not quite under so you could still feel the sun on your skin. He opted for sitting directly under the shade and you were brought back to when you were kids and he was always the last one inside.

He was impossible to tame and get out of the water even long after the sun set and the parents began to call you all home but he couldn’t be more different now.

Memories of his freckled tan face smiling at you, eyes squinted against the bright sky with his hand above his eyebrows to try and block it so he could see you better. His laugh always the loudest sound over the crashing waves and the way it felt when he’d wrap his arms around you to throw you into the water.

Now he was practically curling in on himself to avoid the rays and he looked almost pained at the sounds of the kids playing and splashing around.

It was hard to believe this was the same boy who had you convinced there was salt water in his veins.

“Since when are you getting high?”

You didn’t sound at all accusatory in your question, just plainly asking for an answer to the obvious but he immediately tensed up and sent a glare that would have you believing you’d gotten it wrong if it wasn’t for the embarrassment in his eyes.

He took a few seconds to answer but you extended your thin patience towards him and waited.

“I’m not anymore.” He had a funny tone to his that almost sounded like he was saying an inside joke, something you clearly didn’t understand and your face furrowed. “That’s why I’m here actually.”

Your mouth was parting in realization and you couldn’t help the bitter laugh that slipped out of you. You felt overwhelmingly stupid in that moment but it wasn’t necessarily your fault for not assuming the worst about his intentions.

“Here I thought you were back because you actually missed us. Didn’t realize this was your rehab.” He didn’t look amused anymore and you were struck by how much you wanted to see him smile at you again.

He nodded and looked away from you and that was enough for you to realize the conversation was over.

—

four years ago

You’d never been anywhere else but you had a hard time believing any other place could measure up to what you were experiencing now.

The sounds of your lifelong friends splashing each other and laughing as they took unexpected blows from the waves, bodies crashing through the surface of the water and pushing back through with groans of playful annoyance.

You knew the sun was setting soon which meant the head lifeguard (who happened to be jake’s older brother) was going to usher you all back home and away from the water but you would have given anything for the moment to freeze.

Even if your butt was damp from the wet sand you were sitting on and you were starting to shiver from the lack of clothes paired with the disappearing heat.

You watched as another head popped out of the water before standing to his full height and glancing around like he was searching for something. His gaze stopped on you and a bright smile broke out on his face at the sight of you sitting on the beach and observing the scene.

It made you feel warm to see him brush off your friends and push through the water so he could get over to you, shaking his head to semi dry his hair and laughing when you squealed at the sudden wetness hitting you.

“You cold?” He was flopping down onto the sand next to you and his cold skin brushed yours for a second before you flinched away and groaned.

“Yeah but I think Jaeyun’s brother is gonna make us leave any second anyways.” You were scrunching your nose up as you looked over at him and he smiled up at you.

Heeseung always seemed to be smiling but especially in your direction.

You weren’t an idiot and you didn’t at all miss the fact that he was extra attached to you. You had a deeper bond than anybody else in the group and even though you weren’t exactly sure when the transition into something deeper happened, you were sure you both could feel it constantly bubbling under the surface.

It wasn’t something you felt like you needed to confess or say out loud officially because you had all the time in the world here with him.

“Come swim with us.” He was watching you as your hand reached over to swipe the drying sand off his forehead.

“Not happening Hee sorry.” You smiled when he groaned and rolled over onto his back, knowing you had made up your mind by the tone in your voice. “We can always swim tomorrow.”

—

Tomorrow never came because the next morning you were racing down to the Lee house with a plate of cinnamon rolls Riki’s mom had made and finding it almost completely empty.

Your heart had dropped into your stomach but you still slowly approached the familiar door and knocked against it softly.

Typically you didn’t even bother knocking considering you were there more than your own house but something was off and you suddenly felt like an intruder.

The sight of his grandma opening the door and giving you a pained expression when she saw it was you almost fully killed you and if that didn’t do it then the fact she softly whispered to you that he wasn’t going to be coming back anytime soon definitely did.

It was hard not to grab her by the shoulders and demand she tell you where he had gone and it was even harder to hold in your sobs as you ran all the way back to the house next to yours, bursting into Riki’s living room and climbing into his bed to cry while you waited for him to get off work.

He’d barely understood you through your blubbering sobs and when he did he was joining you in the bed and falling into a hurt silence.

The hurt rippled through you for months until you gathered the courage to ask his grandma for his address so you could write him a letter.

She was clearly reluctant but she gave it to you anyways and you spent all week writing it and expressing to him how you felt, both for him and about the fact he had left without saying goodbye. You wished she’d turned you down when it got sent right back unopened and the same thing happened for the next twenty after that.

You kept writing them for two years even though they’d always make their way back to the post office and at the end of that summer, you finally put the pen down.

At some point during the third year you’d gotten a postcard that had no writing on it or even a signature. It was just a blank card with a photo of some cartoonish cherry blossoms and a small river.

You somehow knew it was from him without any confirmation and you wept like a baby in the middle of all the mailboxes, hugging it to your chest and swearing you’d never let yourself feel like that again. You almost sent it back to him like he’d done to you for so long but instead you stuffed it under your pillow and tried to not feel it’s weight every night you slept.

Now four years later he was suddenly everywhere again.

He’d started to work at the surfboard rental shop across from your own place and he was practically at every single hangout like nothing had changed.

Except everything had changed and he was such a jarringly different person that you almost felt like you were hanging out with the corpse of your old friend.

“We’ve gotta get you some sun man.” Jake was disguising his concerns with some light teasing one of the days you all made your way up to Sunghoon’s place but you all knew Heeseung and his current state was the constant elephant in the room.

“Yeah.” His noncommittal low mumbling was about the most you got out of him these days and you sighed from where you were laying on the couch.

His empty gaze landed on you when you were standing up and pushing Sunghoon’s legs off of you (much to his annoyance). You approached him and stuck your hand out in his direction just to be met with a raised eyebrow and no movement.

“Cmon let’s go.” You were firm in your words and shaking your hand slightly to urge him to take it in his before you got too impatient. He sighed at you but did exactly that and you pushed aside the warmth that spread you in favor of pulling him up so he was standing.

You were slightly thrown off by how close he ended up next to you so you took a step back while raking over his tall frame and clearing your throat.

“I’m sick of your moping.” You didn’t expect him to continue holding your hand after you pulled him up but you took advantage of the opportunity and started to tug him behind you as you walked towards the doors.

Heeseung stayed silent as you dragged him outside and down the long sandy steps that led down the hillside and onto the small private beach that the park family owned. You never hung out there much as kids considering you weren’t allowed to surf here and you preferred the large waves and active community of the public one but it would do for now.

“What are we doing?” He was finally speaking once you dropped his hand and turned to look at him.

“Going swimming obviously.” You were pulling your shirt over your head the second you finished speaking so you just barely saw his reaction to your hands grabbing the bottom hem.

It was long enough that you managed to watch his eyes widen and drop down to the sudden skin showing but he somehow was able to have a blank expression again by the time you got it off and tossed it onto the sand carelessly.

You’d turned to walk closer to the water but you stopped and looked over your shoulder when you realized he wasn’t following you anymore.

“Cmon.” Your thumbs pushed down the hem of your shorts to showcase the rest of your bikini and now you heard him scoff a laugh as the water touched your ankles.

The water was unusually cold from the few cloudy days you’d had but you were determined now to get him to have some fun and open up a little bit before he really started to bum the rest of you out.

You fought your smile when you heard light splashing behind you and when you finally turned around you were thrown off by the amount of pale skin you were seeing. Obviously you knew he’d have to take off his shirt to get in the water but you were mainly stuck on the changes to his body.

He’d clearly filled out, something you could have guessed from the height, and now he looked surprisingly strong unlike his lanky frame he had when you were younger. Outfit of his ribs slightly showing, he definitely had some muscle definition that you looked away from immediately.

Your eyes landed on what was even more jarring and he surprisingly didn’t shy away when you scanned over the bruising covering his stomach and sides.

You met his gaze for just a second and he just stood there with the light ripples hitting his belly button.

“Get into some trouble?” Your question was light and almost teasing so he had room to ignore you. You didn’t want to bombard him for answers especially since it wasn’t really your place anymore.

If this had been four years ago, you would have wrapped him up in your arms and demanded to know who possibly could have hurt him but that boy wasn’t here anymore. He definitely wasn’t the cold one standing in front of you.

“Something like that.” His response was as uncharacteristic as you expected it to be and you simply nodded your head before waiting for him to catch up to you.

He was up to his chest now in the water and you were starting to struggle to stay afloat which seemed to amuse him if the quirk of his lips told you anything.

“Isn’t this nice?” Your voice was quieter now and you almost face palmed at how nervous and unnatural you sounded.

Heeseung was just watching you like you were the one who had changed but there was something heavy in his eyes now. You almost flinched at the feeling of his warm leg brushing yours under the water once he was finally starting to relax and float a little but you managed to collect yourself.

He hummed in agreement but you could tell he was just doing it to give you the answer he knew you wanted to hear.

You wondered if the cold water felt good on his bruises or if you were just making him feel worse by trying to help.

“Surprised you didn’t bring the others.” He was talking again surprisingly and now he was fully floating on his back with his gaze set on the sky and the colors of the setting sun. “Since you and Sunghoon are so close now.”

The jealous tone of his voice was not something you were used to and you didn’t realize he could sound even less like himself until he proved you wrong.

Heeseung and you had always been each others number ones and he’d never had to doubt his position in your life before but it made you blood boiling mad that he had such an accusatory tone now like you’d done something wrong.

Did he expect you to sit around and mope forever, holding out hope that he’d maybe decide to return one day despite not even knowing where he’d gone?

“We’ve always been close Heeseung. We all are.” Your voice was stable despite how the opposite you felt and something unsaid was being heard loudly in your choice of words.

For the first time since he came back, you were blatantly excluding him from the group. None of you were teenagers anymore and you’d been through a decade of stories and experiences just in the last few years as you transitioned into adults.

Maybe the sight of him now, grown up and empty, wouldn’t have hurt so bad if you watched it happen slowly instead of all at once. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened this way at all and he would have been a totally different person with your influence.

You immediately felt guilty and gross for giving yourself that much credit.

“It’s different now though.” He seemed set in his idea that you and Sunghoon had some secret deeper bond and you didn’t even try to argue with him this time.

“You’re different.” The response you settled with was pretty petty and he seemed to agree judging by the way he scoffed but he was sitting up and moving a tad closer to you in the water.

“Yeah well you’re exactly the same.” He said it so simply that you couldn’t tell if it was meant to be an insult, compliment or simply just an observation. He was either calling you immature or making a callback to how your relationship used to be.

You figured it was the latter when his hand was brushing against your waist under the water.

“Not all of me.” Your voice had gotten lower now as you realized the mood was shifting to something you’d not experienced with him before.

You’d always found Heeseung attractive obviously but he was so young and you weren’t exactly the age either where you were thinking about him in this way. Sure, he’d been touchy back then with his hand in yours or an arm around your waist as you walked together but never with this look in his eye.

It felt wrong to have him shifting even closer to you, bare chest and his wet hair almost covering his eyes as he stared down due to your newfound height difference.

Mainly the wrong feeling came due to the fact that you barely knew him now and you didn’t want to get to know him like this. You wished it had happened naturally, your friendship had returned when he did and so did your comfortability and maybe eventually the love buried deep in your chest.

But you were so desperate to feel something from him, anything that might indicate he had once cared about you. So you didn’t push him away when he leaned down to kiss you.

His mouth was hot against yours and suddenly all of the teasing touches and heavy glances made a lot more sense.

He had a desperation you didn’t expect and your head was spinning by the time he was pulling you even closer by your waist and slotting his knee in between your legs under the water.

“Hee.” You breathed out his name as he licked into your mouth and he shushed you impatiently, not wanting to give you the chance to stop him before he’d even gotten to really have you.

You weren’t going to and your hips were rolling against his leg, the water hitting higher up on your stomach and making you gasp from the cold and how it splashed over your covered chest.

He seemed to notice considering he was impatiently pulling the fabric of your bikini top away from your skin and you moaned when his mouth was leaving yours in favor of hungrily connecting with your hard nipples. The warmth of his mouth made you spin and you held the back of his head against your chest.

His knee was rocking under you and you kept grinding yourself down on it, free hand wrapping around his back and feeling the muscles clench everytime he moved himself towards you.

“Hee.” you gasped out his name again and this time he atleast hummed in acknowledgement, big hands gripping your waist and forcing you to keep moving against him.

“Cmon y/n, stop fucking talking.” His mouth was back on yours and this time it was you who immediately licked into his closed lips, the sound of his low voice spurring you on even more.

He was lifting you out of the water and your legs wrapped around his waist so you wouldn’t fall. You didn’t even realize he’d be strong enough to lift you but he seemed to have no problem as he started walking towards the shore and you rolled your hips into his hard on that you could now feel pressing against you.

Your mouth parted when you felt how hard he was already and he laid you gently down onto the sand before climbing ontop of you and kissing you again.

This time his body was covering you and you whined when his hips lowered down on yours.

He was sitting up for only a second so he could finish untying your bathing suit and tugging it off of you and you watched as his eyes locked hungrily on your bare chest while you panted heavily.

Your eyes were big and wanting as you stared up at him and the sight was almost too much so he went back to kissing you deeply.

His body was still just as wet as yours and the feeling of his hot skin warming up what the water had cooled was almost as addicting as the way he rolled his hips down slowly.

“Fuck y/n.” He was groaning into your neck and you inhaled at the way he was biting the skin and definitely leaving marks on you. “Used to be mine remember?”

You were shaking your head in disagreement but the way you were rocking your hips and holding onto the back of his head was very telling, you might as well have had his name carved on you.

“Gonna make you mine again.”

Heeseung was pushing your bathing suit bottoms to the side and playing with the waistband of his before impatiently shoving them down onto his thighs. You were both hurt by his impatience and extremely turned on by the fact he was about to take you on the beach without even fully undressing you.

“Tell me you want it.” His tongue licked up to your ear and you gasped at the feeling of his thick head pressing against your wetness, your legs spreading automatically for him.

“Want it. Want it Hee.” You were breathing heavily and trying to fuck yourself down on him even though it was pointless considering how strong his grip on your waist was, pinning you down against the sand and feeling the way you arched up into him when he started to push himself inside.

The slide was easy and your cry was loud enough that you almost worried the other boys would be able to hear you.

“Fucking tight.” His voice was strained as he spat the words through gritted teeth and you clenched around him at the praise, wanting to make him feel as good as he was so easily doing to you. “Perfect pussy for me, sliding right in. So wet y/n.”

His constant use of your name made you feel even more insane and you whined louder when he bottomed out inside you. Heeseung didn’t waste any time before he was starting to roughly fuck into you and it was exactly what you needed after years of pent of anger and emotions.

“Fuck me hard Hee.” You begged him through your cries and he gladly delivered exactly what you needed, slamming his hips against yours so fast it was painful. “Fucking hate you.”

“Hate you so much.” His rebuttal was quick and he caught your mouth in a rough kiss as he spoke, teeth hitting yours making you wince in pain.

“Show me. Fuck me like you hate me.”

He was doing what you asked without any question and you almost broke from how much you could feel it radiating off of him, hate and anger stemming from something you didn’t even understand.

Then it was over before you even processed it started and you were both left panting on the sand as the sun finished setting and the sand underneath you dried.

Heeseung was rolling away from you to land on his back with a grunt and your entire body shivered when you felt his arm pressing against yours and giving you a little bit of warmth that barely made up for how cold you felt all over.

Everything surrounding you was cold now and him not saying a single world just made it ten times worse.

You were hit with shame and guilt tenfold and tears were springing to yours eyes before you could stop them. You vaguely heard him shifting next to you and sniffing loudly, your head turning to him.

Your eyes grew in size when you saw he’d dug something out of his discarded shirts pocket and was sitting up with his head turned away from you like it would make what he was doing any less obvious.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Your voice was low and venomous and your hands uncomfortably went to cover your chest as you sat up and scooted away from him. “You’re getting high?”

He didn’t even look over at you as he cleared his burning throat and shoved whatever the small capsule was back into his crumbled up shirt. The sight of him rolling his eyes like you were annoying him almost made you just sink into the ocean and disappear.

“Get dressed before they come down here and find you like that.” He was standing up as he spoke again and you hated that the tears were fully falling now, hot on your flushed cheeks.

Your shaking hands did their best to tie up your bikini top and he finally looked down at where you were still sitting on the sand and sobbing. You weren’t sure he could see the tears considering how dark it was now but when he turned his face away with a cold expression you knew that he had.

Heeseung was pulling his shift over his head and hesitating for just a few seconds while looking at the stairs back up to the house, almost like he was considering leaving you there.

“Who even are you?” You weren’t sure how you managed to speak so strongly through your cries but he clearly felt the impact of it as he tensed up and his jaw locked.

“Does it matter?”

——

After you’d gotten dressed you had stormed past him up the steps only after slamming your shoulder into his side and steeling your expression. He gave you a few seconds before he was following you up but he didn’t come inside when you got up there.

You’d gone up to Riki and quietly asked him if he could take you home, cold hands shaking as they gripped his wrist and eyes still swollen.

The other boys were silent when they saw the state of you and you just hoped they couldn’t guess what had happened, shame hitting you hard at even the idea of them finding out how you’d just been used and discarded so easily.

You sat there the entire car ride back to town with your head half out the window and the warm summer air doing it’s best to stop the tears from rolling down your face.

Riki didn’t ask you any questions and you were grateful when he pulled into his own driveway and not yours, not even realizing how much you didn’t want to go home until you saw your front door and felt the nausea building.

It was unspoken that he let you rot in the bed in the spare room for the first few days and by day three Jake was rubbing your back softly and trying to get you to eat something.

Sunghoon came and went constantly and you spent most nights with him laying beside you, not touching or speaking but just having him there. You weren’t sure if they’d figured it out or if Heeseung told them but something in you knew that they knew what happened.

You started to feel slightly better after a week of moping and letting yourself finally feel the heartbreak that’d be been building for so many years and after two weeks you were back to work.

If you spent more your shift looking out the window to try to get a glimpse of him in the shop across the street then that was your own personal secret.

He was still somebody you cared about as frustrating as that was but it still made you sick that you started to worry when you hadn’t seen him for a few weeks.

It had been almost a month since that night on the beach and you no longer could assume he was just avoiding you. The town was too small and you would have run into by now regardless if you wanted that or not so he’d either been completely isolating himself or he was gone again and you weren’t sure which one of those hurt you more.

“He’s still here.” Sunghoon’s voice was low next to your ear as you laid in his bed this time, giving Riki and his family a break even though he insisted they didn’t need or want one.

You still wanted to come up here with Sunghoon even though it was a bit hard considering what had happened last time but you figured it was hard for him to be in such a big house all by himself now that his dad wasn’t coming anymore.

“Did you talk to him?” You were rolling onto your stomach and looking at him with wide eyes and he sighed softly as he studied the hope on your face.

“Not really.” He was mumbling now and the pout your lips formed almost made him feel sick. “Just for a second. I was skating past his place.”

You were nodding in understanding but you felt weirdly settled that he hadn’t gone anywhere and he was seemingly here to stay despite how it always felt like he was trying his hardest to get away from you all. You should have get the times worse that he was around and you had a change to run into him sooner than later but you were an idiot at heart.

“He doesn’t deserve you being sad for him, you know that right?” Your hair was being pushed behind your ear by Sunghoon’s hand and you watched him as he stared.

He looked vulnerable and it made sense considering he was not the type of person to say things like that to anybody, especially not to you. Your heart hurt hearing it from somebody else but you gave a soft nod anyways despite not at all agreeing with what he was saying.

“I mean it. You’re like… the best thing any of us could even begin to imagine and he acts like you’re going to stay no matter how he treats you. He’s always been like that, you just didn’t want to see it.”

Your face fell as he kept talking and getting more and more upset. You’d had no idea he felt this way or even noticed things like that and you hated that you started to think about what Heeseung had insinuated before on the beach.

It made you feel overly warm to consider that Sunghoon might have some type of feelings towards you and yet here he was, laying in bed with you for days and comforting you after you let some asshole break your heart for the thousandth time.

“I’m not going to let him do that to me anymore Hoon.” You heard your voice as it came out and heard how obvious the lie was, knowing he did too when he was just blankly staring at you.

“You love him.” His response was curt but it hit you full force and you tried your best not to let any visible reaction show. “You chose him a long time ago.”

You weren’t sure if he was talking about you choosing Heeseung over yourself and your own well-being or if he was once again saying what you think he might have been.

The guilt coursed through you when you were laying your head down on his chest and listening to how fast his heartbeat started to pulse but you couldn’t look at his honest face anymore and the conversation needed to end before it was all too much.

It was only building more when the next morning you were writing him a note letting him know you’d be back soon before hitching a ride back into town.

You spent the entire hour it took getting to Heeseung’s house both trying to gather the courage to go through with your idea and also trying to talk yourself out of it, reaching a peak of panic when you were knocking softly on his door.

He took a long time to open and just as you were about to turn around and leave, there he was.

Standing in the doorway that you’d seen him in close to a thousands times but looking so different that it felt brand new. He didn’t look surprised to see you on his porch and that made you feel even shittier.

“You okay?” He surprised you with the question and how genuine it sounded but you kept your face flat.

“Are you okay?” You emphasized the word and shifted uncomfortably in place until he was stepping aside and letting you in the small house. “The boys are worried about you.”

If he knew you were lying than he didn’t mention it and you took a second to glance around the living room.

Not much had changed about it besides the numerous boxes that were either still unpacked or in the process of being put back away. You didn’t want to ask him and when you met his eyes again you could tell he didn’t want to answer.

“Well I’m fine.” His answer finally came and he was biting the inside of his cheek like he was trying not to say something.

He was such a mystery to you that it was genuinely started to get under your skin. He looked at you like you’d done something so terrible to him and you had absolutely no idea what was bothering him so much, especially since he was the one who had left you.

“You’re fine?” Your voice was flat and bitter and he nodded stiffly to which you scoffed and rubbed your face in annoyance. “So you don’t want to talk about it? You don’t think we should?”

“Go talk to Sunghoon if you want someone to talk emotions with.” His gaze was fiery on you and you almost flinched away from it like it really could have burned you.

You stared at him dumbfounded for a few breaths and the air in the living room was so tense you worried the walls would collapse from it. He actually looked slightly regretful after he said it which shocked you but it didn’t really matter since it was already in your head now.

Heeseung was taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair before looking at you one more time.

“I’ll get dressed and we can go.” You didn’t respond to him and your hurt stare was clearly making him uncomfortable. “Is that okay?”

You waited just a few more seconds before you were giving him a curt nod and covering your mouth from the shock of the entire conversation and whatever was happening between the two of you.

He was turning to walk down the hallway to his room but stopping midway and giving you a glance over his shoulder like he was making sure you hadn’t left.

Your shoulders lost all tension the second he was out of sight and you leaned against the wall to help hold you up, proud of yourself for not running out or embarrassingly tearing up again.

It was quiet for a long time and you didn’t even want to begin to imagine what was taking him so long to throw on a simple outfit but you’d begun to wander around the house while you waited, ending up in the kitchen.

“Oh y/n.”

The soft voice calling out for you had your head turning swiftly and your eyes widened when you saw his mom standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Ms Lee.” You sounded astonished and you hoped she wasn’t too offended by the fact you were standing in her house with your sandals still covered in sand. “I didn’t know you were home. I’m sorry to barge in.”

“Always such a sweet girl.” She waved her hands at you like you were ridiculous for apologizing for such a small thing and your heart warmed when she crossed the room to hold your face gently. “You’re friends with my son again? I’ll take that as a good sign.”

You smiled lightly and just nodded at her, not having the nerve to tell her you weren’t exactly friends and he definitely wasn’t doing as well as the hope in her voice led you to believe she thought he was.

“You were always so good for him. He worried so much about you never forgiving him for leaving but you must understand it wasn’t his fault.” Her hands were warm on your face and you felt a lot of guilt as she spoke.

You weren’t exactly sure you were supposed to be hearing this so you didn’t ask her any questions or pry.

Heeseung must’ve heard his moms voice because he looked flustered by the time he came out of his room, barely pulling his shirt over his head as he crossed into the kitchen and looked between the two of you.

“Ma, what are you doing back?” His voice sounded overly similar to how it used to as he comfortably addressed her and the difference shocked you.

“Don’t make me sound like such a bother.” She was lightly scolding him before letting go of your face and you immediately missed the warmth of her hands and gaze. “I was just telling y/n how happy I am you two are together again.”

Your eyes widened at the same time his did and your face flushed bright red at the implication that she thought you and Heeseung were dating now, along with how she apparently had thought you’d been dating beforehand too.

“Oh relax you two. I just mean together as in the same space.” She laughed and waved her hands in dismissal again but you definitely didn’t relax. “Where is he taking you?”

It took you a few seconds to realize she was addressing you and your mouth parted in silence, fumbling for an answer since you didn’t actually know where he was planning for the two of you to go.

“It’s a surprise Ma.” His voice was gentle and so was the kiss he laid on the side of her head, her eyes shutting happily as he kissed her teeth and rubbed him on his shoulder. “But we’ve gotta get going.”

She was shooing you away without another word and giving you a heavy glance that you didn’t really understand, following behind Heeseung as he led you out back through the side entrance that came out onto their driveway.

“Oh holy shit. You still have this thing?” You were curling your nose up at the sight of the old beat up pickup truck that his grandpa used to drive you all around in.

You always got the luxury of sitting on one of the other two seats inside since you were the only girl but all the boys had a blast everytime they had to pile into the bed and feel the wind drying them off as you drove home from the beaches and waterfalls.

Heeseung’s grandpa had died when you were about twelve and the truck sat in the driveway for many years until his grandma was giving him the keys for his 16th birthday, a wink and a swift warning before sending him off to pick you all up.

“I still remember you outside my house blaring on the horn.” You were smiling to yourself as you went around the front so you could climb into the passenger side, feeling the rough leather.

He was getting in a second after you and you tried your best to stare as he situated himself and cleared his throat before putting the truck into drive.

Your gaze on him made him glance your way as he was backing out but it barely lasted a blink before he was looking away.

You waited an hour before you were speaking again, spending the entire time with the windows down and the sound of the loud wind filling up whatever silence the old radio left. It was playing some tape his grandpa had left behind and his hands were tapping the steering wheel in time with it.

It felt the most like your old times with him than anything else had so far and you had to remind yourself that things were still different.

You may have taken this drive with him a dozen times but things had changed. His hand wasn’t on your knee drawing shapes and your eyes weren’t bright and filled with love as you laughed and yelled over the music together.

That picture was a lot warmer than what reality was and you glanced over at him again.

The mountains were stretching behind his side profile now that you were farther away from town than you usually went and he looked so relaxed and calm that you almost felt bad for ruining the silence.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going anytime soon?” You were turning your body so your back was against the car door and your legs were curled into the middle seat, a few inches from the side of his thigh.

He didn’t answer you right away and you scoffed in annoyance at his audacity to just ignore you straight to your face like he hadn’t been the one to invite you here. You crossed your arms over your chest and looked away from him in upset but he was pulling onto the side of the road and parking the car before you could get really mad.

You sat there for a few seconds while he gripped the steering wheel and you took the time to glance around the area.

It was a long dirt road with a lot of thick trees and bushy areas, no other cars or parking lots in site. You were beyond confused and if it was anyone else with you then you’d even feel a little scared but despite Heeseung feeling like a stranger, he wasn’t one.

“Are you okay with walking a bit?” His voice was low when he finally spoke and you noticed he sounded similar to how he did while talking to his mom earlier, your heart tugging at how casual he was being towards you after weeks of hearing him sound so angry and empty.

“Y-yeah.” Your eyes widened at the sudden question and you felt embarrassed for stuttering even though he didn’t seem to care considering he was nodding and getting out of the truck. “Not a problem.” You mumbled to yourself before following him.

He was disappearing into the tree line and you would have been more confused if you didn’t see the faintest evidence of an old trail that had clearly been overgrown.

Heeseung was confident in his steps and every turn he took seemed like it was practiced so you quickly gathered that he knew exactly where he was and you wondered when he would have come out here enough to be this knowledgeable about it.

You were together pretty much all the time as kids and as far as you knew he hadn’t gone anywhere since coming back to town so his mystery was just growing even more to you.

You’d been walking for about twenty minutes with just the sounds of snapping sticks and the wind rustling the trees before it was opening up to reveal a small waterfall and a pond amongst the trees.

The bank was completely made up of rocks and fallen tree logs, something completely different than the sandy shores you were used to. You could tell right away this wasn’t a place for swimming but you just kept following him as he hopped onto the large boulders before eventually sitting on one.

You watched the side of his face as you waited for him to explain and he just watched the view with a slightly pained expression.

“Can you… can you not look at me.” His first words hit you hard and you flinched at the rough tone he’d taken on again. “Please it just will make this easier.”

Although confused, you nodded and opted for instead staring at the way your feet were dangling over the open water. Your thighs were burning from the rough edge of the boulder and the height you were sat at was slightly intimidating but you willed yourself to not look at him no matter how much you wanted to.

“I came here the day that I left. Stole the truck and ran out of the house even though my mom was practically tripping over herself in the driveway trying to get me to stop. I think she thought if I went I wouldn’t come back.” He took a break for you to process what he was telling you and the last sentence hit you hard.

You knew he loved his mom and hearing about her fear and what actually went down the day they moved away was almost too much and you considered asking him to stop talking.

Instead you clenched your hand onto the cold boulders surface and waited for him to keep going.

“It was a world of things that don’t matter anymore, never fucking matter but I need you to understand how much I regret it.” You could feel him looking at you now.

“I should have said goodbye to you and I should’ve answered your letters but I knew I’d come back the second I heard a single word from you and I couldn’t leave her alone. She needed me and I figured you’d be okay with the others. You’d hate me but you’d be okay.”

His voice was getting shakier and you couldn’t resist looking at him anymore although he didn’t look upset that you had done so, his hand stretching the distance between you so he could grip your hand that was practically clawing at the stone.

You squeezed his warm hand tight in yours as you sniffled and the tears built up quickly when you saw how nervous he looked.

“And I’m so fucking sorry for what I did to you at Sunghoon’s.” He grit his teeth as he said it like it pained him to remember and your stomach turned uncomfortably, almost feeling sick at the memory of how shut off he had been now. Especially comparing it to the way he was looking at you now. “I was angry at myself and took it out on you. It was fucking disgusting.”

A sob hit you at that and you don’t know if him scooting closer made you feel better or worse but you leaned into him anyways and felt your heart calm at the way he wrapped his arms around you.

“Y/n I don’t regret it okay? Just the way that it happened but you know… I-I hope you know that I’ve always-“ He sighed and stopped talking like he couldn’t find the words and you wiped your face quickly.

You leaned away from him just enough to get a good look at his face and he looked panicked like he didn’t know how you were going to respond.

“You’re not high right now right?”

His face fell in hurt at your question before it was turning into understanding and guilty, the shake of his head not doing nearly enough to lessen your worries which he quickly seemed to notice because he was leaning closer and making sure you could see him when he spoke.

“I’m not high I promise you. I haven’t been since that night on the beach.” He sounded genuine and you would have believed him before but you didn’t know him now and he easily could’ve been lying to you. “How can I help you know that?”

The desperation in his question and expression made him look so much younger and another sob hit you as you started to see him for who he was.

Not some corpse like imposter who had moved back to town and taken the identity of your old friend and lover but just a lost and confused Heeseung who had clearly gone through something you didn’t understand yet.

So when you kissed him it wasn’t for any other reason this time, it wasn’t because you just wanted to feel that he was actually there or because you thought there was no other way to be close to him again but it was because you wanted him to know that you believed him and you were patient.

You’d been patient and you’d continue to be because Sunghoon had been right when he said you always loved Heeseung and you’d constantly choose him.

Something in you told you that this time he’d do his best to choose you too, his hands holding your face so gently and his thumbs swiping soothingly over your cheeks to rid you of the constant stream of tears despite his own wetting his face too.

You weren’t even really sure what you were crying for.

If it was for the pain he’d put you through or the pain he was dealing with himself. Maybe it was because of the lost time and the years you could’ve spent together or the relief at not having to experience his absence again, something beautiful in the way you were holding each other and sharing the grief of what could have been.

You could only hope that what will be would be worth every tear in the end.

[reasonsforhope]

"For generations, the people of Erakor village in the Pacific nation of Vanuatu would pass their time swimming in the local lagoon. Ken Andrew, a local chief, remembers diving in its depths when he was a child, chasing the fish that spawned in its turquoise waters.

That was decades ago. Now 52, Andrew has noticed a more pernicious entity invading the lagoon: plastic.

“The plastic would form a small island inside the lagoon, it was so thick,” Andrew says. “We used fishing nets to pull some of the trash out, but we didn’t know how to get rid of it all. We couldn’t conquer it, there was just too much.”

While residents were struggling to empty Vanuatu’s waters of plastic, the country’s politicians were considering another solution. Could they stop the waste directly at the source?

Small island nations like Vanuatu face a series of unique challenges when it comes to plastic pollution. Many rely on imported goods to sustain their populations, and receive tonnes of plastic packaging every day as a result. Ocean currents pull plastic waste from around the world into Pacific waters, which eventually end up on the shores of its islands.

Few Pacific island governments have adequate recycling or waste management facilities on their narrow strips of land, so rubbish is often burned or left to wash up in rivers or lagoons like the one in Erakor. It is estimated that Pacific countries generate 1kg of waste per person a day, 40% higher than the global average.

In an attempt to drastically limit the amount of waste generated in Vanuatu, in 2018 the government became one of the first in the world to outlaw the sale and distribution of certain single-use plastics – including a world-first ban on plastic straws.

In the six years since, the results have been impressive. Thin, plastic shopping bags are hardly ever seen, with most shoppers carrying reusable bags at their local market or grocery store. At festivals and outdoor events, food is more often served wrapped in banana leaves instead of polystyrene takeaway boxes. Now-banned items used to make up 35% of Vanuatu’s waste, but now make up less than 2%.

Pictured: Pandanus leaves are now used instead of plastic bags at markets, but supply of the crop can be affected by storms and cyclones, vendors say.

The plastic islands that once choked Erakor lagoon are also shrinking.

“Since they started the ban, you can see the lagoon has become cleaner,” says Andrew.

It is a massive victory for a small island nation made up of just over 300,000 people across 83 islands...

In 2020, a second phase of the policy added seven more items to the list of forbidden plastics, which now covers cutlery, single-use plates and artificial flowers.

“It’s quite difficult to enforce because of the very low capacity of the department of environment,” Regenvanu says. “So we try to work with the municipal authorities and customs and other people as well.”

Compromises had to be made, though. Fishers are still allowed to use plastic to wrap and transport their produce. Plastic bottles are also permitted, even though they often litter coastlines and rivers.

Secondary industries have now developed to provide sustainable alternatives to the banned items. On the island of Pentecost, communities have started replacing plastic planter pots with biodegradable ones made from native pandanus leaves. Mama’s Laef, a social enterprise that began selling fabric sanitary napkins before the ban, has since expanded its range to reusable nappies and bags.

“We came up with these ideas to reduce the amount of plastic in Vanuatu,” says the owner Jack Kalsrap. “We’re a small island state, so we know that pollution can really overwhelm us more than in other, bigger countries.” ...

Willy Sylverio, a coordinator of the Erakor Bridge Youth Association, is trying to find ways to recycle the litter his team regularly dredges up from the lagoon.

“The majority of the plastic waste now comes from noodle packaging or rice packaging, or biscuit packets,” Sylverio says. He hopes the plastic ban will one day include all packaging that covers imported goods. “Banning all plastic is a great idea, because it blocks the main road through which our environment is polluted.”

The Vanuatu government plans to expand the plastic ban to include disposable nappies, and says it will also introduce a plastic bottle deposit scheme this year to help recycle the remaining plastic waste in the country."

-via The Guardian, June 20, 2024

[onlyswan]

summary: in which alcohol plus k-drama is equals to your and jungkook’s tears.

> fluff / wc: 4k

> warnings: oc’s first attempt at becoming a pro bartender lmao they both drink alcohol!!, alchemy of souls spoilers!! (they watch the ending of part 2), mention of a stab and blood, they cry over character deaths together >:( (sike?) maybeee a little surprise bc jk is so in love y’all idk what else to say </3 💍

note: welcome to the result of my jungkook + aos brainrot. you can read more of inwhich!jk in glasses in this drabble. :D thank you anonie who sent this ask! + as always i’d appreciate it a lot if you lmk if you enjoyed mwamwa <3

—

“i miss my boyfriend.” you sigh dramatically as you slump over the dining table, popping a vodka-soaked cherry in your mouth.

despite being hopelessly in love, you and jungkook don’t necessarily feel obliged to spend every second of every day with each other. of course, it was different at the early stages of your relationship, when you had to cross oceans and move mountains to spend time together, even if it meant hugging for only ten minutes and parting ways again.

however, things changed when you started living under one roof. the burning passion of your love isn’t dying down, no. in fact, you would go as far as saying that it is growing more gracefully ardent. after all, there is no greater peace than knowing that at the end of the day, wherever the street signs and the unmarked paths may lead you to, you and jungkook choose to come home to each other’s arms. is this not the real honeymoon phase, as they like to call it?

he left early this sunday morning to attend a small reunion with his childhood friends in busan, while you spent the day reading a book and painting the numbers one to ten of the little paint by numbers kit you stumbled upon at the book store last week.

it’s a sunny day on an abundant island, with a lighthouse standing close to the edge. and maybe, just maybe, you regret ignoring the simple flower bouquet beside it because the details drawn on this canvas are the literal definition of tiny. you ended up feeling dizzy by afternoon because of the strain it caused to your fucked up vision.

to make matters worse, the doorbell rung at around 5pm, and a minute later you were already unboxing the basics cocktail set you ordered two days ago. it includes a 18- and 28-ounce shaker set, jigger that has a dual-side (ounce and two-ounce) pourers, strainer, muddler, and bar spoon.

to summarize what you’ve been doing with your life lately: you’re trying to explore the random things you’ve always been curious about, in hopes that they’ll help you find new hobbies and interests.

you thought about baking, but jungkook already does that, and quite frankly, you’re not at a place in your life where you have a high capacity for the patience it requires. mixing drinks, on the other hand, takes a relatively shorter time to do. and what makes it even more enticing is that you can take a shot whenever you mess up, as if you’re playing a drinking game.

there’s no better way to spend your sunday evening, right?

“baby, why the hell are all the alcohol outside of the cabinets?”

right… except you’re already intoxicated… and the world is spinning. you’re desperately yearning to hug jungkook, so he can make it stop, but you’re not even sure if he’s coming home or he’s staying over at his parent’s house for the night.

you react belatedly to the confused voice, lifting your head to squint at the man who grabbed a bottle of white wine from the cluttered countertop.

“hey, who are you? the bar is closed. put that down.”

he laughs lightheartedly when he realizes how drunk you’ve gotten. as he places it back down, the bottle clinks against the cold white stone. your heavy head collapses on top of your outstretched arm as he walks towards the opposite side of the dining table.

you open your eyes, one before the other, when you feel a presence hogging your space. a sheepish smile curves your lips as the beautiful face of your dear beloved greets you.

jungkook’s prescription glasses moves with his scrunched up nose as he grins at you playfully. “it’s the boyfriend you said you were missing.”

you reach out for him as soon as he finishes saying the sentence, silently asking to be embraced. slaves to your touch — his hands, which are resting on the sharp edge of the table and the top rail of your chair, eagerly slip down to encircle your waist.

you lazily lean your cheek on his shoulder, revelling in his welcoming body warmth. “why are you back early? aren’t you tired? you should’ve just rested at your house.”

“mhmm, i had to.” he hums, deep and raspy voice making his chest vibrate against yours. “we talked about marriage and all that jazz. i couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

with an airy huff, you pull away to glare up at him childishly. “i sure hope you’re not thinking about anybody else.”

he runs his tongue across his lips, unconsciously tugging at the silver lip ring with his teeth, but his loving smile stays. “you know that you’re the only one for me.”

“still! i like to hear it from you sometimes.” you giggle before taking a sip from a cold glass of cherry limeade, a refreshing treat you’ve been enjoying since before he arrived.

“vodka?”

“vodka.”

you swallow once more before handing him the glass, swaying your feet under the table as the delicious mixture of sweet and tart permeates your tongue.

“mhmm, wow!” he exclaims after taking a sip, tilting the glass a little bit to the side to look at the light red beverage with knitted eyebrows. “wait a minute- why is this so good?!”

you excitedly tug at the hem of his sweatshirt, begging for more pats on the head. “i had a lot of fun using the shaker.”

he lightly kicks out the chair to your right so he can take a seat, shrugging off the backpack full of clean clothes you packed for him last night incase he wanted to stay longer in busan.

“i did well with this one, right?”

he enthusiastically nods in response as he takes another gulp, chewing on the block of ice that also managed to slip inside his mouth. you melt into his affectionate touch when he cups your cheek with his delicate palm.

“maybe making drinks has been your specialty all along.”

you frown in disagreement. “i’m not sure. i made bloody mary before that one and i don’t know if i did something horribly wrong or it’s just supposed to taste that disgusting.”

amused laughter racks his body as he takes in the endearing sight of your genuinely downcast expression. you jut out your bottom lip in annoyance.

“it really tasted like poison! i got goosebumps!”

“shit, now i’m scared of you actually getting alcohol poisoning.” the back of your hand is rewarded with a sweet kiss by jungkook’s vodka-stained lips. the wide doe eyes behind his glasses meet yours curiously. “your hand smells like coffee.”

“oh- oh! the dalgona martini!” you rip your hand away from his to point at the martini glass standing at the very center of the dining table. “i just finished that. it should still be cold.”

he carefully slides the glass towards him to avoid spillage, fascinated lips forming a pout as he observes the thick portion of dalgona sitting on top of the mixed baileys and vodka. he didn’t even notice it at all because it’s almost the same color as the wood. has his vision gotten that bad?

“this looks yummy. you haven’t tried it yet?”

you shake your head, which you instantly regret because your vision blacks out momentarily. you swallow thickly as you attempt to blink away the shiny, swirly shapes dancing infront of your eyes.

“fuck, no. i already had classic martini, and mule. i’ll throw up.”

“jesus christ, baby. how many drinks did you try making?” jungkook finds himself so worried that he harshly takes off his glasses without reason, putting it aside on the table.

you giggle loudly at his reaction, using your folded arms as a pillow. “that’s all! i promise! besides, didn’t you drink with your friends, too?”

his face glows with uncontainable fondness at the mention of his friends.

“i was talking and laughing the whole time that i didn’t even finish half of my beer.”

your hazy eyes study his jovial and carefree features, and just like magic, they make your heart feel lighter inside your chest. heavens know that you wish for nothing more in the world than to see him this happy everyday.

“i’m so glad you had a great time, my love.”

“me too. i’ll tell you all about it when you’re sober and capable of memory retention.” he pokes fun at your drunken state as he picks up the glass of dalgona martini.

you roll your eyes before impatiently guiding the drink to his mouth. “just drink it already.”

“oing?” he blinks in disbelief, sipping on the glass again as if his tongue could’ve possibly fooled him the first time. ”i actually like this one more. i didn’t expect that.”

you abruptly perk up in your seat upon witnessing his candid review. “what? you’re joking!”

of course… you’re cursed. it had to be the one you hated making the most.

truth be told, you impulsively made the dalgona martini simply because it’s the only drink in the last online blog you found that you had the complete ingredients for.

you were obviously not prepared enough for this activity. but baileys, vodka, sugar, coffee, and water? yeah, any house would definitely have those.

then came your ridiculous dilemma: despite being intoxicated, you’re still terrified of using the electric whisker. and so, you had to do the whisking the hard way. to put it lightly, it was absolute hell. your arms and wrists are sore after shaking and whisking vigorously for the past three hours.

“it’s exactly what i needed after a long trip.” he moans. his shoulders spring up in delight as he licks off the foam around his lips, and you use your thumb to brush it away from the spots he missed.

jungkook grabs your hand before you could pull away, making you audibly gasp when he sucks at your thumb in his cold mouth. his insatiable tongue pokes the inside of his cheek after.

“uh- i think i tasted a hint of soap.”

“‘course you did. i just washed the dishes, you dummy.”

his pink lips part open as he processes your words, but he quickly brushes it off with a shrug. he noisily takes another sip from the glass.

“i can just clean it off my tongue with more martini.” he argues with a dimpled grin.

he grants you with a quick kiss, smudging the foam on his lips and transferring some of it to yours.

“ugh, you’re so sloppy!”

his laughter echoes in your home as he walks away. “i’m taking this with me to the bathtub!”

“don’t take an hour in there again.” you grumble out a complaint. “we need to watch alchemy of souls!”

—

“even if you decide to seal that door, i know how heartbreaking it will be for you, so it does not upset me so much.”

the flashback from four episodes ago confirms that it was foreshadowing this moment — park jin had sealed the door of jinyowon, a deep cave where relics are protected so they won’t unleash life-threatening dangers upon the world outside. lady jin and maidservant kim are stuck inside the collapsing sanctuary, holding back said relics from escaping… and the latter is none other than his wife-to-be.

jungkook anxiously bites the nails of his thumb and pinky finger, switching back and forth. the television screen reflects on the lens of his glasses as his eyes become shiny with tears.

“is this really the final episode? there’s no season three?”

“no, it ends tonight.” you reply in between embarrassing loud sobs, attention trained to the man mournfully calling out his lover’s name over and over again as he clutches her engagement ring to his chest.

the hot tears you fail to catch stream down to your temples, and then your boyfriend’s naked stomach. you’ve comfortably settled on the bed after finishing your nightly routines. your head is lying by the bottom of his ribcage, and that’s where the other edge of the cozy blanket enveloping the two of you rests. you grabbed a small portion of the cotton in a loose fist, and you’ve been keeping it close to wipe your tears with.

“oh my god, i can’t fucking do this. my head is being split open.”

you toss aside the remote control after pausing the episode, crawling to the nightstand to pop the painkiller in your mouth, which you prepared to be supposedly taken tomorrow morning. maybe you’ve sobered up a little, but the combination of the alcohol and the woeful crying have resulted to an agonizing migraine.

with his long and slender fingers, your boyfriend removes the hair that stuck to your tear-stained face before tenderly wiping your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

“making my baby fucking cry, too. i need that son of a bitch jin mu to burn in hell.” he curses to release his pent-up anger from the past 29 episodes, referring to the main antagonist of the series. the harshness of his tone contrasts the gentle kiss that lingers at the corner of your lips.

after drinking water, you wipe away jungkook’s tears with tissue paper, gingerly dabbing at the sides of his nose as well. he has a very sensitive skin, and because tears do contain salt, they can cause slight irritation and stinging when he cries. it’s something he once quietly complained about in passing, but somehow, it stuck with you throughout the years.

“does it hurt a lot?” he worriedly caresses the back of your head.

you meekly nod in response.

“should we just watch the rest of it tomorrow then?”

“noooo.” you drag out the word, shifting on the bed to return to your previous position. “my pain is nothing to compared park jin’s pain. i must persevere.”

and just like that, your tired eyes begin to water again. jungkook chuckles, affectionately holding your face in his hands. he isn’t surprised to find your skin to be warmer than normal.

“aigoo, your eyes are so red. at least put your glasses back on.”

“fine.” you mumble in defeat as you pat around the mattress, looking for the glasses you haphazardly threw aside when your intense emotions started to take control over you.

his rosy cheeks rise like buns in an oven as he smiles. “i love it when we match.”

—

park jin stands before the greedy individuals who conspired to steal the foundation of jinyowon, the fire bird, which dries up the world when it is awakened. it will be used in a rain ritual to create another ice stone, a ball of energy similar to that of the sun or a star. and to point out the obvious, having it in your possession would mean becoming the most powerful being there is.

“evil always does what it wants without ever stopping. but why is it that virtue always needs to prove itself over and over again?”

“…yes. i do wish to save her. i would do anything to save her, even if it meant i would lose my sanity. but even so, i will stop you from getting what you want. not a single one of you has the right to laugh at me… and call me… a hypocrite.”

you feel jungkook shiver below you. he is immensely engrossed with the actor’s phenomenal performance, flawlessly depicting what ‘seething’ anger means. he puts his tattooed arm underneath his head to get a closer view of the subtitles. these have to be some of the best written lines he’s heard from this show so far, and he hopes to remember them by heart.

the two of you watched with bated breath when he starts fighting against several warriors, and then it happens… jin mu removes the barrier of the fire bird as a threat.

“oh, fuck you!” you kick your feet in annoyance.

park jin is forced to focus his energy on re-sealing the fire bird, leaving him vulnerable to the attacks of his merciless opponents.

“no, no, no.” jungkook chants under his breath, heart thundering with fear. “this can’t be happening.”

you know what is bound to happen. they did show three coffins at the end of episode nine. but denial denial denial is a stage of grief after all, and so, with a broken sob, you squeeze your eyes shut.

when your eyelids flutter open, a sword has already been driven through the center of his chest, and dark red blood uncontrollably spills from his mouth. jin mu spitefully pulls it out from behind before he weakly falls on the ground. jungkook stays quiet, it happens so fast but he feels suspended in time, while your horrified crying carries on.

you unwillingly remove your head from his chest before you can cry a river over his shirtless torso, opting to sit up beside him.

“bunch of cowards.” he couldn’t resist mocking as the group scrambles to leave the place before it completely burns down, jin mu taking re-sealed fire bird along with them.

park jin jolts awakes coughing up blood. he painfully forces himself to lie on his back, and the camera reveals that he’s been holding maidservant kim’s ring all along. with trembling hands, he puts the ring on himself. you cover your own mouth as you listen to his worn out sobs.

a look of love and admiration shines on his dull eyes, and you swear that he smiles softly, before his arms fall limp on the dusty ground.

is the moon watching? and the stars? have they ever witnessed something so gutwrenchingly tragic?

“he wore the ring on his pinky! and it didn’t even fit halfway!” your glasses is left abandoned beside you again as you finally allow yourself to weep freely.

seeing that you clearly need a break after that heartbreaking scene, jungkook pauses the episode.

“that’s so cute, but-” you hiccup. “this is so unfair. they were supposed to get married and have babies!”

“oh, baby. i know.” he coos softly, hugging your side and peppering your cheek with kisses. his own tears drip from his chin and he brushes them away with the back of his hand. “their souls will be together in after life though, don’t you think?”

you gradually grow quiet and calm at the thought he proposed, but- “i don’t think they can make babies there.”

“shit.” he chuckles as his forehead lands over your shoulder, glasses slightly sliding down his nosebridge. “you’re right.”

“this is too much. i can’t-” you blow your nose in sheets of tissue paper before throwing them in the bin you dragged next to the bed earlier. “it hurts so much. they just wanted a peaceful life together.”

the two of you grieve for the what if’s and what could’ve been’s. he can’t possibly think of anything more tragic than being forced in a position to choose between the love of your life and the humanity; only to end up perishing at the hands of the evil who made you do it.

and what did he have left? a lifetime’s worth of love to take with him to the grave, and whatever’s left of his pride and dignity? jungkook wouldn’t want any of those. he only wants you.

he lifts up his head, a small smile playing on his lips, swollen and cherry-colored from the nervous nibbles of his bunny teeth. “we’re crying like this and they’re not even the main characters.”

“need to sue the writers for emotional damages.” you groan, tense muscles slowly relaxing in your boyfriend’s embrace. “how many minutes left?”

“40 minutes.”

“i can’t even open my eyes anymore. sorry, babe. my head-”

it’s almost as if it’s been dunked underwater. the throbbing pain spreads numbing pressure from your temples to the back of your head.

“i told you we can finish it tomorrow. it’s fine.”

jungkook briefly leaves your side. the television screen turns black after he pulls out the plug. he throws away the crumpled tissue papers, and then he places your glasses on the safety of the nightstand.

“how cute… don’t fall asleep on me yet.” he fondly coos at your half-asleep figure. “you’re dehydrated. drink some water first.”

a straw pokes your lips. with your eyes shut closed, you hold onto his wrist to steady the tumbler as you take a long sip. by the time you let go, the water has reached the line indicating that there’s only three quarters of it left.

you softly fall back on your pillow with a ‘thump’, turning your back on him to face his empty side of the bed. he also drinks his share of the water before filling in the blank beside you.

he hums in acknowledgement when you pull at his arm to make it your personal pillow, leaving his own glasses on the nightstand as well before facing you.

you give him a small hazy smile, threading your fingers through his soft and luscious hair. “love your pretty and healthy hair.”

“i love you.” he whispers like a confession as he strokes the back of your head. “close your eyes now.”

“i love you, too.” with a peaceful sigh, you nuzzle your face against his chest. “jungkook?”

“hmmm?”

“were you happy today?”

a lump grows in his throat, bigger than the one he felt when he was browsing through engagement rings online. emerald cut, cushion cut, round cut. sapphire, ruby, diamond. size 4, 4.5, 5, 5.5, 6, 6.5… he was hanging on the thin line that separated excitement and anxiety. the two-hour train ride passed by like a radio song he didn’t pay attention to. but you don’t need to know about that. not right now.

he swallows it down, embracing you tighter. “i still am… happy. if i delete those scenes from my memory.”

“me too.” you mumble before succumbing to the void of darkness beneath your heavy eyelids.

—

between the alcohol and the coffee that he simultaneously drank, it looks like the latter won the upper hand. more than twenty minutes later, jungkook is still wide awake, overcome by his clamorous thoughts. the conversations he had with his friends echo in his mind, and he paces back and forth between your shared past and future. the future… there is no future if there is no you.

he closes his eyes, instructing himself to focus on the steady rise and fall of your chest instead of the things he cannot control.

he kisses the top of your head. “i love you so much.”

however, he won’t be able to sleep peacefully until he learns what happens next. he needs the closure because he would truly despise having a bad dream about them. after all, they didn’t show maidservant kim dying. there is a glowing firefly of hope he’s been enchanted to follow into the abyss of the night.

with careful movements, he wears his glasses and his wireless earbuds. he holds his phone using the arm you’re lying on, while his hand under the blanket absentmindedly rubs your back, palm smoothly running up and down the expanse of your skin.

his jaw slacks open only three minutes after he picked up where you left off. jang uk, the male lead of the show, reveals to those grieving infront of the three empty coffins that their loved ones did not pass away.

the following scene unveils park jin, alive yet unconscious on a bed, and maidservant kim who is holding his ring-clad hand, weeping for the traumatic night the two of them suffered.

jungkook chuckles in great relief, blinking away the tears from his glassy eyes.

“fuck, they’re alive.”

—

“fuck, they’re alive!” you almost choke on the haejangguk, a hangover soup, that you started to heartily eat not even two minutes ago. “i almost died crying last night and it turns out that they lied to me?!”

jungkook chooses to feign ignorance. he innocently watches the screen with his wide doe eyes, bunny teeth biting at the rim of his glass of white milk.

“wow, i’m speechless.“ he squeaks out. “how did they even get rescued?”

—

taglist! @alanniys @jjkeverlast @queenofdragonsandcats @yvesismywife @jeonqkooks-main @witchfqllen @virgogentlejk @rkie @jeonwiixard @monilyv @bermudaisy @takochelle @the1921-monsters @investedreader @seagulljk @yeow6n @yoonqkiss @hopeworldjimin @lllucere @unnatae @zqynmlk @bxbyyyjocelyn @zkdlllin @koostarcandy @tswisal1 @fragmentof-indifference @laylasbunbunny @jjk-jeongirl @cherishoshi @taexidriver @luaspersona @yn-lifeu @loveejkk @bloopkook @babyboo22 + send an ask / dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

[samheughanswife]

Sam

Sam was in his element. With friends, Steve and comfortable in the auditorium.

Refreshed from a week of sun,sand and sea. Add in off the socials grid. No random blondes in bikinis, or the gym blonde rats at the North Bondi open gym breathing the same sea air as him instantly given a nickname and assumed bumping curlies.

He shared that he had a session with the famous Bondi Beach lifeguards. He was encouraged to dive off the rocks at the South end of the beach- Bondi. He shared he had never dived in his life( sure that’s not true, just not into the Pacific Ocean) He was shown how to swim back to shore in a rip, ( that’s what drowns people not understanding how to get out of a rip). And generally living a beachside life. He joked that he didn’t sleep in the sand, he had a house (?? 👀).

Loves 🇦🇺. Not the snakes he revealed to an answer re the snakebite episode. Met all the famous animals. And shared that he felt the walk to the top of the bridge more now than when he did it eight years ago ( doubt that). Mentioned the bars he hit up and the restaurants.

A week well spent. As you all have seen he has the tan to show for it.

Two afternoons were lost to late summer thunderstorms. What did he do then?!

He answered the expected questions regarding the end of OL. He is ready to say goodbye. He has been in discussion regarding work. He wants to continue to travel after the S8 wrap.

Mentioned going to Everest and working on getting distribution in 🇦🇺 for SS. And other countries.

Shared a tidbit that when he went to the studio his “things” had been moved for a new younger cast. All tongue in cheek. Said he is looking for to BOMB.

This was a contented man. It was all easy conversation and engagement with just under 945 fans. The auditorium capacity is 945 and there were about 20 empty seats.

He did not bring up the spirits unless asked. He didn’t have a bottle on stage. That bag on the table was Steve’s- with a drink bottle in it and a place to put the discarded written questions. He was not selling his booze, he was riffing. Laughing and just being relaxed.

Asked about Caitriona ( got to say that the audience was a Sam only) and he discussed her getting prepped for directing. Said they had FT her the night before, all the guys and showed her what she was missing. He said how much they had shared and that really “ THEY WERE LIKE BROTHER AND SISTER” ✅ ✅. Crowd liked that.

He said that it will be difficult working away the final time. Very poignant. But he said he is ready.

The rest was the same questions and answers. The event organizers said there will be a USB to buy. So the rest will be there for those who will buy and then share here.

I’ve been told that on the soulless account comments have said that the guys were disheveled and looked unwashed. BULLSHIT. All their clothes were ironed( I am that woman who judges unironed clothes. Sam had ironed his T-shirt and pants. His hair was not oily. And his eau de parfum was that of a man who had showered early and had used deodorant. Those hollow jealous haters were truly reaching for something- anything.

I’m guessing that the Melbourne audience will be just as thrilled and appreciative of the chance to be in conversation with the OL lads. There is a song from one of my teenage favourite 🇦🇺 band Australian Crawl. It’s called The Boys Light Up. It’s the perfect song for the fun day yesterday. The boys did light up.

[intoodeepoceans]

Message in a Bottle

If only I had a cinderblock to slip my arms through. Then I could sink down to the bottom of this ocean, and be alone with the muffled symphony that one only hears underwater. This is not a sound that can be explained in usual terms. It is that song that lures divers to remove their masks and sink endlessly into that blue abyss. Doldrums only cause madness because the sirens seduction cannot be escaped. I wish to be engulfed by the overwhelming peace that the waters hold. There is warmth in hopelessness. The ocean will break any man. The will to live, chipped away, until the only option that remains, is to give in and disappear. Forgotten to this world forever. Giving in would be so easy. Your peace and euphoria is limited only by lung capacity and carbon dioxide buildup. If only I could erase the urge to breath. That gulping panic that seeks to disturb my solace. Without it, I could sink and sink, mesmerized by the suns rays peeking through the licking, rolling waves. The pressure building and building. Wrapping me in the cool embrace of finality. My greatest enemy is my cowardice. That lip-curling self preservation, forcing me to tread.

[linkedin-corp]

we love essays. go ahead 🔥

SAY NO MORE FAM

CANON TTYD SONG PLAYLIST

-> ( recommended to read alongside listening! )

ENTRY 1. posin' — peggy suave (electro swing remix)

okay hear me out. this isnt entirely serious but its really really cute. works especially well with chapter 6 . im just a sucker for electro swing

ENTRY 2. ship in a bottle — fin

im gonna be honest at first this one in my head was more of a song in my "vivian and her internalized self loathing that makes her bottle her emotions towards her friends inside" saga, and it still is, but it also works really really well with what bobbery has going on. the ship and ocean sailing theming, obviously, but it does talk about a generalized chunk of emotions. needing to talk about them or else he'll sink. needing to let go. its just. aughhgghhhhhh. fuck .

ENTRY 3. unravel (specifically this english cover which i fucking love)

do i even have to explain myself. do i. 100% vivian coded. and also peach. ill be real this one fits chimera vivian more but i put it on this playlist because it also fits canon vivian too. albeit a bit less. the whole .. feeling hopeless and left behind. and wanting to be left behind. feeling like shes failed her sisters but not wanting to quite keep fighting to return to them. aughjhhj ...

ENTRY 4. eyes half closed — crywolf

okay. this is a polycule or just vivian and mario coded one to me. vivian struggling to say what she wants to ......... the mentions of leaving town ..... hhhgj:(...

ENTRY 5. bitter water — the oh hellos

okay now THIS is mario+vivian coded. duuuude the pure joy they find in eachother makes me crumble to my knees. vivian likes him so so much and mario loves her like a sodden old man loves his cats. dudeee. maybe people find it strange but who give a shit‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ they love eachother so much dude im gonna keel over

ENTRY 6. the weight of us — sanders bohlke

dude. okay. augh. the groups struggles through the journey to get the crystal stars and feeling doubt. but knowing they have to get through it no matter what. the grief and suffering. the hardships they feel together that crack them open like oysters but they seal together closer when the time nears. their own internal hardship holden secrets that stay sealed like sunken vaults, shucked away to make way for the promise of victory and eventual role to fill of heros. even if they are filled with terrors and fears, they are strong together. the time has come, and they must be brave, no matter what happens. AUJGHHH. (SOUNDS OF WAILING)

ENTRY 7. done with love — zedd

yeah its another ship coded song. honestly? i can feel tec in this. but im mega mega biased and im leaning towards marvian. mario cares alot about vivian okay . i know it in myheart. he loves her and helps her get over her insecurities and fears and i love that for them so much AUHG‼️

ENTRY 8. out of my mind — jamie berry (electro swing remix)

yeahhhhhh its another marvian one (and maybe vivibella if you swing that way too) ...OOOKAY IM CRAZY OVER HERE. LEAVE ME BE. look . to me mario is an old fashioned guy who loves his wife so much that he worries her and owns a gramophone. is that so wrong of me to assume.

ENTRY 9. willow tree march — the paper kites

haha. yeah. when i first was exposed to ttyd i did NOT expect as much grief and death as it gave. so here we are. DEFINITELY leeching off of the fact that most of them all have mortality based traumas . 100%. koops thought his dad was dead for so long. bobbery's wife literally died. the sufferers. the grievers. guys who fear the worst if they die and fail, and just fearing death in general even if it happens to everyone. there is no shot that none of them fear death in some capacity . mortality based fears are real and im projecting at this rate

ENTRY 10. king — lauren aquilina

mmmmm something something when the gang has doubts. when mario has doubts and worries. oh boy. vivian comforting mario just like he comforted her ;;;;;;; i just love giving mc's like mario anxiety its really great . i can make anything marvian if i squint its a talent

ENTRY 11. april in paris — billie holiday

the old fashioned mood is back again sorry . haha .... marvian ..... or vivibella .. coded .... (gets booed off the stage)

ENTRY 12. everything you ever — neil patrick harris

dude. dude. grodus song if i ever fucking heard it i swear to god. his feeling of superiority at the end of the tunnel. his stupid little "im better than you" monologue. except he plays it cool and actually sends shivers down your spine. a good villain in a 'has no idea what they are doing and struggled to get where they are but literally no one knows except members of the audience that think outside of the box'. and then he gets fucking crushed by both mario and bowser. fuck hes such a loser i love him.

ENTRY 13. my way — chase holfelder

ANOTHER X FUCKS SONG. this time its crump. soggy wet pathetic little freak of a guy. honestly i feel like if he really tried he would do well at trying to garner sympathy. in a theater kid dramatic way. thats what this reminds me of. but one that eventually gets into the shitty nitty gritty and sorta makes u feel something. its great

ENTRY 14. never forget you — zara larsson

hey . hey guess what. YUP ITS ANOTHER MARVIAN SONG(GETS SHOT)

ENTRY 15. calling your name — telehope

ok. uhm. so. its. its another marvian so(is killed

ENTRY 16. heart — flor

do i even have to say anything . horurhghhh. vivian (and also vivimera. they both work) and her constant identity crisis ... wanting to move forward but feeling guilty for leaving her sisters behind. yeah. yeah. real ones know how i feel about this one .

ENTRY 17. lay me down — the oh hellos

honestly i dont really have anyone for this one its just the vibes i think. the vibes of the crisp morning of everyone in the land. everyone waking up to a golden sunrise. the sandy pitter patter of feet through the land as the group goes through. the distant smell of death, but its bittersweet. its lovely

ENTRY 18. youth — daughter

oh man. this one . the promise of success, not knowing what lies ahead. those twisted and shapely, those we had known long gone. but time marches on. the goalpost needing to be touched at any cost, even at the cost of death. the heavyness of every choice, every burden left unturned. the mistakes that were made, the choices already chosen before you that choose your own branching paths. those you meet on the way and those you forget, being nothing but memories when time comes. it happens to everyone. but there is hope and love within the hurt, even if bitter. the taste of sour apples lingers, but even within those bites, there is sweetness.

ENTRY 19. unholy — the wrecks

ohhhh yeah a shadow queen song. and also the x-nauts or crump, if you think about it. but mostly shadow queen coded. the cockiness of it all. she would absolutely act soooo so cocky if anyone let her. to be honest, she deserves it. i love cunty asshole sly girlbosses. fuck. yes.

ENTRY 20. FFF — zara larsson

yeahhhhhh its a polycule song. i am nothing if not my biases. i can easily see this from either bellas or vivians pov. lovestruck idiots aughhh i love them

ENTRY 21. rubik's cube — athlete band

hhhfhfjdhf another mario (and co, if you believe it) self doubts song. man i just love making em so so so scared . scared and worried for the future, but full of wonder and hope because of the friends they all have ... auhghh ... weeps ..

ENTRY 22. cant sleep love — pentatonix

WHAT DO YA KNOW ITS ANOTHER POLYCULE CODED SONG HAAAAAHAHA ...........HAHA ......SWEATS (if i went into any more details of what i think of when this song comes on id be covered in thrown tomatoes)

ENTRY 23. lose it — oh wonder

mmmmhahahha yeahyou guessed it another marvian song.. i think mario would be a good dancer but he doesnt ever dance really.. so he and vivian dance together and ... auajjhhghhh ..........guysthey love eachother so much what if i exploded

ENTRY 24. lament for a toy factory — dr.steel

honestly? crump coded as fuck. absolute freak who loves his touys. he WOULD freak out over von grapple dude. lmao

ENTRY 25. little dark age x washing machine heart mashup remix

makes me think of whatever fucked up mental situation mario and the shadow queen would have going on while shes possessing peach would fuck him up baaaad. if the shadow queen was smart enough to capitalize on this. oh man.

ENTRY 26. too sensitive — sean kennedy

vivian coded 100%. without a doubt. shes sensitive in her own ways ... and especially sensitive against her sisters. aouhggh.

ENTRY 27. candyman — zedd & aloe blacc

DUUUUUDEEE DUDE. THIS SONG MAKES ME WEEP AND WAIL EVERY SINGLE TIME I HEAR IT. AUGH... JUST ...... THE SHEER AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS AND NOSTALGIA FLOWING OFF OF IT .... DUDDE .............. everyone being so so so happy together and having the time of their lives :(((((( having picnics and game nights and trips to scenic places and and and . oh my goddddd the gang is a FAMILYYYY they are a family i swear to godddd. they love and care about eachother so muchhhh dudeee. what if i exploded‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

ENTRY 28. my ordinary life — the living tombstone

crump song. super fucking cocky AND dramatic. lmfao

ENTRY 29. crossfire — stephen

honestlyyyyy i have so little words for this one. but man the vibes are there for me. it works. something about it just does it for me

ENTRY 30. afraid of the dark — the band camino

yeah. you guessed it. another polycule song. either mario or bella about vivian .... eeeeeuhhhhehehhee im so sick for them its unreal. the dynamic they have of being scared of eachother is sooooooo. crazy to me im crazy.sorry

ENTRY 31. labyrinth — miracle musical

YEAHHH MORE MARIO ANXIETY MUSIC!!!!!!!!! BEAMS MY LAZER THAT GIVES HIM ANXIETY AND FEAR AND TERROR AND WORRY AND—

ENTRY 32. awoken — glaze

YUPPPPP ITS TEC MUSIC. I LOVE TEC SOOOOMUCH SO IM ALSO BEAMING HIM WITH THE GUILT BEAM BWOOOOOOO i love sentient machines that learn how to love humanity ayghgrhrhhhhhh i need him to feel guilt i love him so bad . living after all of that ....... learning to love and learning to live a life of peace and carefree worries. god . he deserves so much

ENTRY 33. nowhere feels like home — the wldlfe

ohhh man yeah. vivian song. feeling so secluded and outcast even with her sisters. her memory of them being happy and carefree being lost from her sight. feeling so scared of what others think of her after joining the party even though mario has her back. fucjjjkkkk dudeeee.:(((

ENTRY 34. more than friends — aidan bissett

aaaaand another polycule song ..... this could literally go for any of them its craaaazy. silly worried dummiesssss in love i swear

ENTRY 35. love you better — the haunt

ohhh yeah vivian / marvian song. her guilt of who she is ... her anxiety surrounding her feelings ..... oh man. yeah. yeah.

ENTRY 36. real peach — henry jamison

heheeee another one for the 'mario loving his wife' collection

ENTRY 37. again — noah cyrus & xxxtentacion

even more marvian .ahaha. sweats. .. . could also be tec/peach if u dig that kinda thing

ENTRY 38. kids again — artist vs poet

itssss another marvian song.im just obsessed okay sorry.im normal i promise. .. mbfbfhdjjfjg they just love eachotherrrr :(((((( they find so much comfort in one another and it makes my heart so so happyyyy dudeeee.. this literally fits tbem so muchhhh even the lyrics brooo. it makes me want to cry so badly . mario being wreckless ... vivian being a shy beam of light ... god i love them so much

ENTRY 39. stupid — tate mcrae

ANOTHER MARVIAN SONG but this time its feels of when the one sided stuff was happening... vivian rummaging through her very very harsh self loathing during that period of unrequited feelings.. this poor lady .. aughhhh shes everything . she means everything .

ENTRY 40. two time — jack stauber

oh my goddd haha okay more marvian is the last song. oops .. anyway my emotions on this are crazy ..... vivian in her own head about what she thinks mario thinks of her .... aughhggh .... misreading the things he says and assuming the worst. making up fake scenarios in her head and then lamenting over them for hours and hours . god this poor girl someone save her.

AAAND THATS IT‼️‼️‼️‼️

ill probably update in this fashion whenever i find a new song to add to the list because im a crazy FREAK who cares wayyyyy too much about music and how well i can attach musical themes to my interests.plspls pls tell me if im right or wrong on any of these I LOVE HEARING SECOND OPINIONS IT GIVES ME LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!literally livepost to me u listening to these songs idc ill love you forevr music is everything to me . forreals .. ok ty for reading . bye

[mirikitakato]

[Translation] Shylock SSR Card Story: Beginnings of a Foolish Burdensome Love

Gotta love the name that sounds very Shymurr somehow but it's more about Shylock and the Sage. Mithra also appears.

Episode 1: Let’s love both the joy and the pain.

This happened when I and Shylock investigating the incident at the mansion we visited.

Akira: It is rumored that every exhibit here possesses the capacity to attract various forms of happiness.

Shylock: Indeed, it appears to comprise a diverse array of items, ranging from those commonly found in the general market to precious ones crafted from rare materials.

Shylock: Each item has a different effect. Even specialty stores rarely boast such an extensive collection.

Akira: Just like a museum. This bracelet here looks so majestic, just looking at it makes me feel like it's going to be very useful...

Shylock: Ah, that's...

Akira: You know this, Shylock?

Shylock: Yes, it's a golden bangle that brings fortune. Once upon a time, a businessman customer used to wear the same one whenever he visited Bar Bennett.

Shylock: It's believed that this radiant gold can transform the wearer into a millionaire.

Akira: Well, it certainly looks fancy and already makes me feel rich just by owning it.

Shylock: Hehe. Perhaps that attitude will attract even more good luck.

Shylock chuckled softly, then pointed his finger at the ring displayed next to the golden bangle.

Shylock: I've seen this one before at the central market. Notice the clear, ocean-like indigo beads embedded in it?

Shylock: There's a rumor that wearing it wards off not only bad luck but also demons. It's said to be a must-have item for travelers.

Akira: Travelers...I often embark on missions far away, having this one would make me feel safe.

Shylock: Oh? What a lonely thing to say.

Akira: Ah?

Shylock: Indeed, your modesty is one of your undeniable virtues.

Shylock: We're your wizards. If you ask us to accompany you, we shall envelop you in tender care, akin to being swathed in cotton...

Shylock: I would turn even fear into a taste of exciting pleasure and protect you. Please entrust your body and soul to me, please rely on me.

Wine-colored eyes approached me, and I caught a faint whiff of a pipe. He beseeched me in a seductive yet sweet voice, making me flinch slightly.

Akira: Th-then, please let me rely on you...

Shylock: Hehe. What a lovely person.

Akira: L-let's see, why don't we take a look at this room too? There are many places we haven't explored yet...!

Embarrassed, I forcefully opened the door in front of me.

Akira: Ah...

Then, accompanied by the sound of something breaking, the scenery in front of me changed.

Shylock: Sir Sage, what's wrong?

However, the moment I blinked, the scenery immediately returned to normal.

Akira: Ah...nothing.

(I'm sure I saw a rainbow just now...)

Mithra: Ah, you broke it.

Episode 2: Let’s love both the joy and the pain.

Mithra stood at the door, lazily snapping his fingers. As he did, something that had been lying on the floor floated into the air.

Akira: Ah...!

It was a necklace with a small glass bottle swinging at the end of a leather strap. However, a large crack marred the side of the bottle.

Shylock: Did you break something by opening the door? Sir Sage, are you okay?

Akira: I'm fine, but I broke this, didn't I...

Akira: What should I do, this item belongs to the precious collection of Ernest's relatives...

Mithra: You are loud. It doesn't matter, this one is destined to be broken anyways.

Akira: Eh?

Mithra: Arthim

Akira: Wow, it's back to normal...!

Shylock: That's great for you, Sir Sage. I will talk to the owner of this mansion later.

Akira: I agree. I broke it once, so I would like to properly apologize. Mithra, thanks for fixing this.

Mithra: Sigh, even if I fix this, it isn't gonna matter much anyways...Take this, Sage.

Mithra: This mansion is full of garbage. I want something more powerful and usable...

Mithra picked up some amulets lined up on the wall and then casually threw them away, as if he had lost interest in them.

Akira: (Maybe this amulet fell when I opened the door...)

Shylock: I thought Mithra would be delighted to see a mansion stocked with items like this, but... it seems like it would be quite difficult to find something that he would acknowledge.

Akira: Looks like it...Uhm, Shylock, do you know about this amulet?

Akira: Mithra said this was bound to be broken, but...

Shylock: Yes, I've seen this.

Shylock: When you opened the door and this small vial broke... Sir Sage, did you notice any changes?

Akira: Ah, yes! The moment I opened the door, I saw a beautiful natural landscape that looked like an outskirts of some town...

Shylock: That's the power of this amulet.

Shylock: After a certain amount of time has passed, the vial’s color would change to the color of dusk because there is magic cast on it.

Shylock: If you break the vial after its color has changed, you will see its owner’s feelings and thoughts.

Akira: The owner’s feelings?

Shylock: Yes, would it be easier to understand if I said that this vial would show the scenery they desire to see?

Shylock: For a short period in the past, this amulet was very popular since it was marketed with "Making your dream world into reality."

Shylock: I heard it gradually lost its popularity and is very difficult to obtain now.

Episode 3: Let’s love both the joy and the pain.

Akira: Why? Even though it's something people would really like...

Shylock: Isn't it? Initially, there was a collective burst of excitement – "I've been longing to see this!" echoed everywhere.

Shylock: However, desires are peculiar. Instead of reveling in momentary happiness, many found themselves empty, having lost the sought-after scenery in the blink of an eye.

Akira: I see... Rumors like that circulated, and it gradually lost its popularity.

Akira: It's true. People would feel a sense of loneliness when something they eagerly anticipated suddenly vanishes like that...

(But...)

I recall the ephemeral scene showed by the sunset-colored vial.

(That's the scenery its owner wished to see. I'm sure it's filled with precious memories.)

Akira: I'm sure that if I see this amulet somewhere, I would buy it.

Akira: Certainly, it's sad to see the scenery disappear in an instant, but...that would make me feel even more special about the fleeting scene it presents to me, and the associated memories.

Shylock: ....Heh. Your strength lies in your attitude of appreciating what separation offers you, rather than the pain that may await in the future due to it.

Akira: No, it's not that special...!

Shylock: Don't be modest. Every encounter is a series of miracles.

Shylock: But for me, if I were to possess that item...

Shylock: Perhaps, it's not just the scenery that I desire, but a wish – "Please, please stay with me for just a little longer."

A subtle smile graced Shylock's face as he gently used his fingertips to roll the vial in my palm.

Shylock: Although I'm already aware that someday, we will part ways...

Shylock: Yet, I hope the "presence" of us being together will continue a bit longer. Don't you harbor the same wish?

Suddenly, Shylock's words reverberate deeply in my chest.

Akira: This amulet truly is a mystery, the more you think about it, the more interpretations surface.

Akira: Even though we understand that we must eventually let it go... No, that's precisely why we find it difficult to let go.

Shylock: Hehe. Isn't this kind of contradiction endearing?

Shylock: Farewells and encounters are integral parts of life. Let's love both the joy and the pain.

Looking back at him with a soft smile, I quietly put the amulet back on the shelf. Thinking of the day that will come, I urge myself to be careful and cherish the days ahead, ensuring not to destroy them.

[the-lonelybarricade]

TheLonelyBarricade FAQ

I saw @whatishowedyouinthedark make one of these and have been debating making my own ever since! 💕

Do you have a posting schedule?

No. Currently none of my projects are pre-written, meaning I write each chapter from scratch before it gets posted. The frequency of my updates relies entirely on my available free time and mental capacity.

When will you update A Court of Faded Dreams?

I don't know! Each time I'm asked, my motiviation to do so curls and shrivels up just a little bit more.

Are you still working on A Court of Faded Dreams?

Yes! Contrary to some of the comments I've recieved, ACoFD is NOT abandoned. But wrapping up that project is a massive undertaking. Please, please be patient with me.

When will you update x fic?

Whenever my motiviation perfectly aligns with the emotional, mental, and physical contraints of the outside world

Do you accept prompts?

You're welcome to send me prompts, but please don't do so with the expecation that they'll always get fulfilled.

Why haven't you responded to my ask/message/comment?

I promise it's not personal! I'm just a girl with ADHD who can feel a little overwhelmed about answering a lot of messages (and who can be very forgetful). I'm so appreciative of all the messages I get in their various forms, and I wish I had the emotional capacity to answer all of them. In my head, I'm kissing anyone who's ever said something nice to me very tenderly right on their forehead.

As for my ask box, I encourage you to treat it like casting a letter in a bottle into the ocean. Half the fun is wondering if you'll ever get a response!

Are people allowed to translate your fics?

Not without my explicit permission.

Are you okay with people binding your fics?

I will only consent to my fics being bound BY HAND for personal use. That means I do not condone for any money to be exchanged in order to produce a bound copy of my fics. That includes online binding services like lulu as well as Etsy binders who claim to only charge 'for materials', both of which are infringements on SJM's copyright.

I've talked more about this here.

Are you okay with people making or comissioning fanart of your fics?

Yes, but there's one stipulation: if you do this, I'll have no choice but to marry you

What are your favorite acotar fics/authors/blogs?

I'm so glad you asked! I have a recommendation list here.

Where does your username come from?

It's a reference to Empty Chairs at Empty Tables from Les Miserables!

What are your pronouns?

She/her

What sexuality do you identify as?

Alexa, play "Sweater Weather"

Are you and @separatist-apologist actually married?

Yes. In fact, my profile picture is from our wedding 😌 (but for legal purposes: no)

How did you and MB become friends?

it's a very emotional story that all started with a penis

[kulay-ng-banaag]

A Gentle Reminder

One visits the other to rekindle the light. (Indonesia/Philippines) Warnings: -anxiety attacks (mild at best but the buildup is there) -smoking -politics (one side more explicitly than the other) Read on AO3 (registered users only)

[ Photo from Pinterest; have not yet traced back the photographer. ]

☼ ☼ ☼

The sound of running water cuts off as he turns the faucet knob. Glassware, ceramic dishes, and steel utensils clanked together in the sink bowl. The atmosphere was filled with the revving of motorbikes, the rusty booms of the azan signaling the hour of Isha, and the lucid voices that beamed from the newscast playing on the TV.

Once he finished scrubbing the table and the counters clean, he popped open a bottle of milk tea and flopped down on the sofa. Even with his tito Bikol’s cooking, he had never developed as strong a spice tolerance as he would have liked. Neither had he developed a language proficiency on par with the locals, despite the many letters exchanged and visits conducted. At least not in the same capacity as he had hundreds of years ago, but even the lingua francas of old were as mutable as clay, and the living things molded out of it.

Like all other things, nations changed over time. Philippines was no stranger to that truth.

All he had to do was keep tabs on the news from the other side of the screen, observing the inevitable winds of change. Once he foresaw the calm before the storm, he quickly scraped together in the wee hours enough necessities to suffice a week of travel. The closest to a formal notice he left behind was the blunt instructions he texted to a handful of staff handpicked by his gut feeling.

If anyone asks, I’m in Jakarta 👋🏽✈️

Nothing more.

He could fabricate a working visit out of nowhere, but it would almost certainly be followed up by a slew of questions regarding his rationales. His true intentions. His commitments to the burdens he never signed up for in the first place. People would express — as a request or not — their want for his presence, but rarely their need for it.

Not Indonesia. Not explicitly, at least. He gracefully wielded a commanding presence in public, but he was a closed book in the private sphere. A core of scorching hot earth buried deep that could explode with the right amount of pressure. Under the right conditions, a volcano could erupt violently. Once it did, there was no stopping its flow of destruction. The best Philippines could do was to be the ocean waves awaiting the incoming lava flow.

He listened intently to the stories broadcasted in front of him. It would be a mistake to call Philippines a tone-deaf airhead when he learned, painfully and repeatedly, to temper how his instincts would translate into his body language. In the comfort of his partner’s abode in the capital — at least for the time being — he was free to unravel the mask he wore in public.

The cracks began to form on the level-headed expression he maintained ever since he made landfall where he was not supposed to be. Through all the reports and commentaries as close to impartiality (or not) as they could get, he could see the wars of emotions taking place. Abstracted exhilaration on one end, ineffable grief on the other, and in between the buried pains had begun to fizzle and release steam. He would rather tune out the cries of despair and rage until they all dwindled together into empty static. With his arms crossed, his hands were already gripping tightly on his sleeves and he could already feel his heart beating as if it wanted to break out of his rib cage, away from the memories that were flooding in. Memories of pain and terror that he wished he could forget, but could not afford to.

What snapped him back to reality were the sounds of the front door clicking shut, followed by the taps of leather soles against the terracotta tiles that ascended to the upper floor. The silence of a lover in anguish was louder than the discordant harmonies of an agitated country.

He shut the TV off and made his way upstairs, down the hallway, and towards the open archway that led to the balcony. As he knocked his hand gently against the hardwood frame, a breeze wafted through the bamboo wind chimes above, almost as if Ibu Pertiwi wanted to ensure her guest was acknowledged.

Already, a lit kretek dangled between Indonesia’s fingers (one of which had an unmistakable ink stain at the tip). If Philippines had never cared about preserving his vocal cords, he would have succumbed to the vice as hard as Indonesia had. He only ever smoked when he was under extreme stress, and it surprised many at how infrequent that was.

The last time he lit one up for himself was two years ago, for the same reasons that Indonesia was going through now.

He sat down on the empty chair next to Indonesia’s, unfazed by the burning scent of bitter herbs and spices. Besides, the electric fan standing across them was whirring in their direction, out of respect for the other songbird that lived in the same space.

Philippines glanced up at the brightly-colored wicker cage hanging above on the opposite end of the balcony. He whistled a little tune, and the feathered resident within chirped back in reply.

“He’s healing up well.”

Philippines glanced back in surprise from hearing Indonesia speak up at last.

“I’ll be taking him to a rehab center in Kalimantan. That way, I’ll be around by the time they release him back to the wild.”

“That’s good to hear,” Philippines replied.

Indonesia pressed the end of the cigarette to his lips, then exhaled a puff of smoke. “I hope he doesn’t get caught again.”

“Oh.”

The soft smile on Philippines’ face faded from the realization. Often, Indonesia would foster rescues in critical conditions. At the time of the raid, the songbird was a sickly hatchling. Not only did it make a full recovery, but it chattered so much that the only bigger chatterbox was Philippines (who had pursed his lips like a child making tampo when Indonesia made the joke). Still, even with such a hopeful future ahead of it, there remained the risk of recapture, the violent return to a system that gambled on its ability to satisfy lofty aspirations, and swiftly disposed of those that failed to keep up.

Such a possibility seemed so far-fetched, yet the lack of certainty only served to tighten the suffocating grip of fear. Indonesia and Philippines knew that all too well. Centuries ago, when they had professed their love for one another, they were torn apart by conquerors from far away. Centuries later, when they had renewed their vows for one another, they were torn again by tyrants from within. Decades later, they broke free of those cages, only to return to a world they struggled to adapt to.

Now, they were birds at risk of recapture.

Minutes passed as they sat together in silence, struggling to keep themselves afloat lest they drowned from the millions of clashing voices that burned inside them both. Whatever the outcome, inevitable or not, Philippines would rather burn brightly in hell with Indonesia than abandon him, even if it meant he could at least march onward with most, if not all, pieces of himself intact. Maybe that was the problem, to begin with.

Yet, despite everything, the world continued its revolution around the sun. People continued to move forward with their lives, refusing to let anything or anyone take that away from them. The caged bird continued to sing, even in the face of an unambiguous future.

Indonesia exhaled a last puff of smoke before stubbing out the cigarette in the sand-filled ashtray. Philippines drew his knees up and scooted closer when he felt Indonesia lean onto him. He wrapped Indonesia’s arm around his and their hands slowly entwined together.

Philippines was the first to speak. “Abang?”

“Hm?”

“Do you remember what you told me two years ago? When I was going through what you’re going through now?”

Indonesia remained silent as he recalled.

By that point in time, Philippines was as battered and bruised as anyone, and had been bleeding all over for too long for comfort. Indonesia would easily admit that Philippines was luckier for breaking free a good decade earlier than he would. What he disliked to admit was how it had made him anxious when Philippines would not respond for days, weeks even. That had been his way of learning about how the final results would be of such paramount importance that its reverberations would be felt across the world.

Indonesia’s sole regret was that he did not see Philippines sooner, let alone immediately. Indonesia knew better than anyone, however, that Philippines, for all his exuberance, was the type to push people away when he was upset. He did not even want to celebrate his birthday that year. The next time Indonesia heard from him was when he sent a message that he was arriving a week ahead of the scheduled state visit.

Philippines had remained steadfast against all odds in the crucial months building up to that pivotal moment. He had snuck away to help distribute meals to volunteers who had lightened the load of an immense burden off his shoulders to the best of their abilities. Ultimately, he was desperate to get an up-close-and-personal glimpse of the numbers that were coming in.

He excused himself to get away from the monsters that manifested before his eyes. The flowers of hope still bloomed in many parts, but a bramble of sharp thorns had been growing at a suffocatingly exponential rate that threatened to engulf the whole garden. Philippines felt it crawl up onto his skin and pierce itself onto his very being, causing him to stumble in the empty hallway. It was brightly lit, but it grew increasingly cold and dark. The walls had begun to close in, threatening to crush him if the thorns did not yet thoroughly impale through him first. He wanted to cry out in pain. He wanted to scream for help, but he found himself unable to speak. Or maybe no one could hear him.

Suddenly, he sensed the light ding of a bell and a mild buzz from his pocket. With shaky hands, he pulled out his cell phone and stared at the message that flashed on his screen. He took a step back and steadied himself against the wall before slumping down to the floor. He sat there in the comfortable silence of the empty hallway. He gasped for breath as he held down the outburst of emotions that had welled up in him. A smile radiated across his face, trembling lips notwithstanding, as he rubbed the back of his hand against the tears that had flowed down.

Philippines remembered that moment. He would always remember those words that had been the lifeline he failed to admit that he needed. He wanted Indonesia to remember them, too, forevermore.

Indonesia let out a sigh before finally responding, “I remember.” He was caught by surprise when he felt a hand cup his face to wipe the tear that had trickled down, the faint scent of jasmine emanating from it. He turned to gaze back at the warm gaze of his beloved pearl, remembering how he longed to see them again after years of confined stillness. How he longed to hear his phone ping and see something, anything, new from Philippines. How he had been sitting in drab and stifling formalities. How he had stepped out for a breath of fresh air and passed that onwards to breathe back life into someone from over 2,700 kilometers away. How he wanted Philippines to have something to hold on to, no matter how bleak and dark it got.

He wished he could be kinder to himself, and he was grateful that Philippines was there to remind him.

They gently pressed their foreheads together, and Philippines leaned closer to press his lips against Indonesia’s. He whispered those same words Indonesia had told him before wrapping him in a tight embrace.

I love you, no matter the results.

☼ ☼ ☼

TRANSLATIONS:

azan: The Muslim call to daily prayer (salat). The last one, Isha, is at nighttime. In this age of modernity, loudspeakers play the azan from the mosques. tito: Uncle (Tagalog). It’s not restricted to addressing a biological relative; very often it’s used to address older men like how we use “sir” in English. Ibu Pertiwi: lit. “Mother Earth” in this case; A historical national personification of Indonesia. In my honest opinion, using the local name slapped harder than merely writing “mother nature.” kretek: Indonesian cigarette blend of tobacco and cloves as the main ingredients. tampo: Tricky to translate into words — it’s ten times easier to demonstrate in person. In this context, think of a parent telling their child they should eat their ampalaya (bitter gourd) and the child makes this face >:T abang: Older brother (Bahasa Indonesia); same as how kuya (Tagalog) is used to refer to older peers/upperclassmen (as in like the senior-year senpais, not the elite trapos if you get lmao). Sometimes also a casual way of calling people “sir.”

MISCELLANEOUS:

Frankly, I’ve only ever been to East Java (mostly in Surabaya), so if I missed out on any observable nuances from Jakarta, that’s on me. I also wrote this on a whim of inspiration and spite. In minimized general, Philippine cuisine builds on a sour base with salty or sweet complements. However, spicy is king in Northern and Southern Luzon, and Southern Mindanao. One of my classmates is Bicolana, so eating spicy Indonesian food is a no-brainer for her. Fortunately, they have plenty of milk tea in stock in convenience stores in Indonesia…for those who need a little help in neutralizing the spicy taste HAHA! Someday, I’ll talk about my bayan OCs. Not today. I need more time ironing them out; time I simply do not have right now. For now, Bikol is he/they. Going back to my trip, I saw so many households with pet birds. I ended up learning about how the popularity of songbird competitions drives wildlife trafficking. 🥲 Speaking of which, I headcanon Indonesia as a wildlife officer. Half to restore balance to the universe for the cursed fact that he’s technically a cop; the other half because if Piri is the musically-gifted Disney Princess, then Indo is the forest friend Disney Princess. Kalimantan because that is where they’re constructing the new capital city of Nusantara because Jakarta is sinking among other reasons. Since the dirt children have to work closely with their governments – whether they like it or not (or choose to lol) – Indo would have to eventually move in, assuming it comes through (just saying because my home city was supposed to be the new capital but clearly that flopped lol). The bird rehab center is very real. It’s my first time learning of the place — thanks to me getting insecure about making it up. 😭 Specifically, Piri was at the Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting (PPCRV) command center. It’s non-partisan but affiliated with the Catholic Church in the country; we have another watchdog entity without any religious affiliation – the National Citizens' Movement for Free Election (NAMFREL). The volunteers were encoding election returns in tallying the votes. One of my dearest friends was fast enough to sign up. I had wanted to draw a 612 comic right after Halalan 2022. Scrapped it altogether because I was horribly depressed, so to say. Then, during one of those many low points, I cooked up that plot bunny when Indo texts Piri those words (the last phrase of the fic). Still, I couldn’t get a comic together any sooner, even if it was a shorter one featuring that plot bunny, as I’ve since returned to university. Following the news and social media posts on Indonesia’s post-elections definitely brought back painful memories. And that plot bunny. Originally, I wanted a far shorter but no less cathartic drabble. Ended up going really ham. I wish I could do more. I hope this is enough.

[helsex-moved]

Self made man (click for better quality)

Lyrics - [The Ocean/The Swimming Pool Song/True Trans Soul Rebel]

[I.D. A collage of several different digital drawings with a background of blurry yellowed photos and a warm yellow overlay on the whole image. There are also yellow stars all over the drawing

On the left is a drawing of a UI playing the song Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me! and a person sitting in a red wheelchair smiling slightly. It has brown hair in a mullet style, brown eyes, somewhat scruffy facial hair and mustache, several piercings, and acne. It is wearing neon green fingerless fishnet gloves, a spiked cuff, a jean jacket vest covered in various pins and patches, a white tank top, and black pants ripped at the knees. It has a tattoo of a sword and flowers on its shoulder and bright red eyeshadow.

To the right is the same jean jacket vest from the back, on the back there is a trans flag with dandelions on top painted and white text around it that reads 'Keep eachother SAFE'. Above is a picture of a testosterone bottle with purple hydrangeas and morning glories coming out of the frame and taped up next to the picture.

Lastly to the far left is a drawing of a scarred torso without clothes, showing top surgery scars surrounded by star tattoos and on the chest are words painted in blue that read 'SELF MADE MAN'.

There are lyrics scattered across the illustration.

TEXT:

Making yourself up as you go along/Who's gonna take you home tonight? Who's gonna take you home?/Does god bless your transsexual soul, true trans soul rebel?

There is an ocean in my soul/Where the waters do not curve

I am a haunted swimming pool/I am emptied out and drained/My capacity remains unchanged

I am a burning church/I am artifice and years collapsing

End I.D.]

[russellsppttemplates]

So good to see you round here again! Would you write something about Pierre and his wife having fun and being all flirty-sassy-touchy? Like say they're on vacation or going to a concert or something, as long as they're having FUN!

"Do you have everything?", Pierre asked as he grabbed the room key card from the hotel room's desk, "I just need to grab the sunscreen, one second", you said as you walked inside the bathroom, grabbing the small clear bag with the beach products.

Walking with your hand holding your husband's, you chose the sunbeds and umbrella that was in a good spot, away from the crowded area but still close to the sea, "I need your help to rub this in my back, please", you asked him, handing him the spray bottle so he could rub the product on your skin, "P, we're in public, no grabbing like that", you snickered, swatting his hand away when it went straight to your butt, "Why? You can't blame me my wife looks amazing in this", he playfully fiddled with the straps, "hey!", you giggled, holding the fabric close to your body, worried he would actually free the tension on the knot, "don't worry, amour. Everything about you is beautiful, but that doesn't mean I want to share you with the rest of the world".

Pierre had gone to the bar to get you drinks since the sun was shinning beautifully and you were in need for a refreshment, "Can I offer you a drink?", he said nonchalantly, "Oh, I'm not sure how my husband will react to that", you pointed out, going along with him, "I'm sure he is a lucky guy", he said as he handed you the cup, waiting for you to get comfortable so you could hold it, "I think I'm the luckiest one", you said, puckering your lips so you could kiss him.

Pierre and Charles often joked that you were a child magnet: despite your beliefs and doubts about your capacity to handle children, you always seemed to attract them wherever you went. Wether it was in the paddock or at any family gathering, the kids would naturally gravitate towards you, wanting you to play with them and now it wasn't any different. When you went to for a dip in the ocean to cool your body, a little boy went to play with you, showing you his sand castle kit and asked you to play with him, his parents near him and excusing their son for bothering you while you said you didn't mind. The boy kept giggling, making you laugh in return, warming Pierre's heart as he felt you were content, happy and relaxed, until the parents announced they would have to leave since they had booked a table for lunch, leaving the little boy in tears, opening his arms for a hug from you to bid goodbye.

"I see you have a new boyfriend, hm? You were so worried about your husband just then and puff... I'm chop change now", he teased you, holding your waist and making your body collide with his, "careful! I'm wet and scratchy from playing in the sand", you giggled, swatting your hands on one another to shake the sand off, "I never had any problem when you are wet, mon coeur, we both know that", he winked, kissing the top of your head while you laughed.

(Thank you for submitting an ask 🤍)

[elmundodeflor]

The place is packed. Crowded to its full capacity. The music’s too loud, the floors almost bumping to the beat of every compass. And Levi thinks, sure enough, he’s too sober to do this right now. That he, most definitely, isn’t one for weddings.

Even if it’s Erwin’s.

He huffs and chugs over the last of his champagne glass. It’s a sweet haze that lingers on his tongue. A bubbly daydream that makes him stare at the scene with softer eyes, if only for a brief moment.

He had told Erwin that he should have gone for something more intimate, that one night when he asked for opinions. That he should have rented the small chapel by the beach, and invite a few of his closer friends only. He had never been that of a pretentious man to begin with. And Mike preferred keeping things low-profile, anyways.

So, what was the need for all of this big fuzz?

He looks over at his friends, shaking it off in the middle of the dancefloor. It’s a nice venue they’ve rented: that, he has to admit. There are fairy lights hanging from the tree branches, and everything else is covered in delicate, white décor. It reminds him a bit of Christmas, he tells himself: how joy is palpable in the air. How it seems, somehow, that the breeze smells of tender hoping.

He puts the glass on the table, and rests an arm on the back of his chair. He has been sitting for a while already, all-too abstracted from the rest of the party. It's no surprise, he had always preferred to be a silent witness, after all. Someone who rather enjoys from the peripheries. It’s the reason why he’s chosen Architecture, he figures. Why he’d followed Erwin to open up their own studio in the first place. To look at the fuller landscape. To contemplate at the maimed beauty that one can only taste from the distance.

He hums, content. In front of him, Mike, Moblit and Nana are already tipsy, slurring out a very drunken chorus to the song that’s playing. It’s a sight that’s so warm with gentleness, he’s afraid he’ll tarnish it if he stares any longer. Mike puts his arms around both his friends, and he finds himself smiling, all of a sudden. It’s in the way blush glazes over their cheeks. The rush of wonder that flashes through their bodies as they dance.

Yep. He’s certainly too sober for this.

He tends to the bottle and pours himself another glass. The night is young, still: the weather damp and fresh, typical of an august spent in Paradis. He remembers long-lost summers like this, where Hanji took him to the base of the same cliff they’re at now. They would crash at his house uninvited, sneak over the fence of his backyard. And he’d jump off his window and run for the hills, too bold to ever look back.

He guesses, he misses it all a little bit. The reckless laughter, how Hanji would teach him about a different star every time. He has the feeling that the world was a much more interesting place when they were a constant to it. That now that they’re in Marley, even the moon has stopped to shine, as well.

He takes a sip. Champagne drowns out the echo of his thoughts for a second, soothes out the tinge of nostalgia that tugs at his chest. Hanji is dancing in front of him, too. And he can’t help but seek for them in the crowd, like when they were little kids figuring out life.

There’s something about the way they move, really. A whimsical magic that pulls him into them, brighter than a thousand sunsets. Maybe, it’s that they haven’t seen each other in three months, he wants to believe. Or maybe, it’s their hair: how it’s loose and wild and free, beautifully tousled by the drumming of the music.

Has he ever told them how pretty he’s always drawn them?

He shakes his head, takes every corner of them in. Their suit is slightly wrinkled from all the dancing, their face flushed a faint tone of peach. They make him dream of dawn over the ocean, how untamable they are. Make him think of going on adventures and getting fake tattoos.

"Why don't you dance with them?", Erwin talks from behind, sitting down next to him. He’s wearing head-to-toe white: a rose clipped to the flap of his tux.

Levi grunts. He has no idea how does he know that he’d been staring. Or for how long. But then again, this is typical of his best friend to do.

"I don't dance.", he says, plain and simple. And that much, is true. “Besides,”, he adds, as he lifts up the glass once more. “Shouldn’t you be concerned about other stuff? It’s your wedding.”

Erwin lets out a light chuckle.

"Precisely.”, he deadpans, then. “You and Hanji are my best-men tonight. I’ve noticed how you’ve been looking at them, Levi..."

That earns him only but another grunt.

Of course, the bastard had had to pick upon it.

"I'm not looking at them in any particular way.", he lies.

Erwin raises a brow. Out on the floor, Hanji spins to the rhythm of a melody that’s born anew, so faded that they’re barely aware of the universe. And Levi’s eyes are glued upon them, still, staring with a love so burning, it seems as though a comet has just crashed onto the shores.

Did he really think he wasn’t being obvious? That he could get away with fooling his life-long companion like that?

"You wanna know how I know...?", he starts, after what appears a long minute of silence. His voice has become lower all too quickly. Almost as if he’s setting free of his heart’s best kept secret. "I know because that's the exact same way I look at Mike."

Levi holds in his breath, stays quiet for a moment. He thinks of the night Hanji had showed him the constellations up the skies, right before leaving off abroad. They had told him, that every star belonged to another. That they were all threaded together, connected somehow. He had supposed it was a little stupid, back then. Science was something far beyond his field of comprehension.

Still, Hanji had persisted, he recalls, stubborn as they were. They had taken his hand into theirs, pointed them up at the ignites of a flickering planet.

“Look…”, they’d said, in a whisper drowned out by moonlight. “You and I… are like the stars, Levi…”

He didn't understand.

“Like the stars?”

Hanji had nodded, then glared up at him a second too long.

“You know…?”, they hushed. Their voice smelt of spring, and of the cheap wine they’d bought from the store. “No matter how far we stray, we’ll always be linked close, side by side…”

He swallows, and stares over at them once more now. Their slender figure, the smile that hints at the corner of their lips. They are putting up a spectacle for one without even realizing. A show that names them the owner of every light upon his skyline.

Because his pulse has raised too obnoxiously loud, almost audible above the music. And he's sure, right there, as he watches them move, that his childhood's best friend has screwed him over.

That his soul will always be tied to the brightest star that could be up the cosmos.

“What do I do now…?”, he asks, more to himself that to anyone else.

Erwin places a hand on his shoulder, gives him a tight, reassuring squeeze.

“Just be yourself.”, he concludes, as he gets up to join Mike back on the dancefloor. “That should be enough.”

.

.

He's two more champagne glasses down when he bumps into Hanji by the dessert table. Still, he's too sober to be making this much of a ridicule act.

"'Wassup!", they exclaim, as they turn around to face him. And they notice, almost immediately: he appears all too serious. Like he's just been invited to a funeral. "Everything alright?", they ask, concerned. "You look... constipated."

Levi bites his tongue. He seriously wants the Earth to swallow him whole.

"Well...", he begins. He can feel his skin turn to an aching shade of red. "Ewin's been telling me not to hold back my shit anymore, so..."

He instantly face-palms himself. Hold back his shit? What is he even talking about? He is too nervous and not making any sense right now.

Hanji laughs, and it's like time has never ran between them, really. Like they are still the same children who chased after fireflies and built up tents with their bed covers. Truth is, they had missed Levi, too. His permanent scowl and his endless battle with words. His perfectly parted hair, and the softness that lies within his eyes.

They take the rose that hangs from his suit, then put it in between black locks, there in the tender spot behind his ear. After all, they have a silent agreement to their friendship, old as the day they met. He allows them into the parts of him that hurt, and they are careful not to talk about them.

"So...", they say. Their hand is still on his face, lingering on the sides of it a minute too long. They have no idea what it means, but it's a gesture so intimate, Levi doesn't dare move. "Lets go dancing! Shall we...?"

He smiles. Up the skies, stars dapple in the dark canvas of the night, glimmer like distant raindrops on pitch black. He recognizes, they are all stitched together into the glints of a million different constellations. That no dot is left untouched. And he thinks, maybe, that Hanji was probably right.

All along. All this time.

They have always been just alike.

[artknifeandglue]

as shattered stars shine: DVD Commentary (part 2/12)

stopping at chapter 2 for today!

Discharge paperwork takes fucking forever to fill out, what with billing and insurance claims and unique forms of bureaucratic torment that the Devil himself must have developed on a slow day in Hell.

I am not American, and I love my country’s healthcare system, but sadly I imagine the paperwork involved in a hospital admission must be much the same everywhere.

“Next time,” he informs Harry, “try to get shot in a country where healthcare is cheaper.”

“Duly noted,” Harry answers calmly, unruffled by Merlin’s prickly demeanour, “though I’d assumed you would want me to not be shot at all.”

Merlin’s scowl only deepens. “Never stopped you, did it?”

Merlin is Done With This Man. Thirty years of dealing with Harry Hart’s bullshit will probably do that to someone.

He’s read the reports and seen the same story played out the world over: the mass casualties flooding into emergency rooms from all directions, all bearing grotesque injuries from Valentine’s attempt to recreate The Purge; patients upon patients spilling out into the hallways where hurriedly parked beds sit pushed up against the walls in an attempt to make space where there is already horrifyingly little, the wards at full capacity and then some; hundreds and thousands of bodies littering the land and gradually finding their way into mortuaries and funeral homes and crematoria alongside the onslaught of hospital deaths, coroners and morticians and public servants vainly trying to empty the constantly full fridges by tracking down identities and next-of-kin and contact details to arrange burials or cremations or something; memorials for the dead and dying amidst the spiralling numbers of both, barely making a dent in the mounting lists of names to be printed in ink or carved on stone.

None of which they would have found for Harry, because the same Kingsman that leaves its dead agents where they lie also covers its tracks well. Eggsy grits his teeth and keeps walking, keeps putting one foot in front of the other, stares straight ahead at the cheerful green sign pointing him towards the hospital entrance. Harry’s fine. Harry’s alive.

But he wasn’t, a small voice whispers in the back of Eggsy’s mind, the one that refuses to let go of the haunting image of an unclaimed, unknown body in an ocean of empty eyes and empty faces, cold and still and lost, soon to disappear into the earth or the sea. Eggsy shoves it to the back of his mind as he keeps walking, step after step until the sterile white lighting of the hospital gives way to sunlight that blazes down on him, an experience not unlike stepping out into the fires of hell.

Once again, the sun is not exempt from the “stars are not to be trusted” principle. Featured here also is Eggsy’s unwillingness to let Harry disappear among the innumerable dead in V-Day – too much emotional attachment to let that happen, and the only reason it did was that he couldn’t do anything about it.

He pauses, eyes scanning the shelves for a moment before he pulls a bottle of scotch from the second shelf and studies it carefully. Other than maybe two or three drinks’ worth missing, the bottle is still mostly full. “Someone’s pilfered my whisky,” Harry notes.

“That would be me,” Merlin answers from behind them, and Eggsy turns to see Merlin stepping out from behind the cockpit door. “In my defence, it seemed like fair game at the time. We did think you were dead for a while.”

“Evidently I am not, and so this is once again off-limits to you,” Harry returns smoothly, reaching for a glass and pouring a drink. Probably not for himself, Eggsy thinks.

“Ingrate,” Merlin jibes as he joins them at the bar, leaning against the counter. “I flew all the way out here to fish you out of that awful hospital, and you repay me by denying me good scotch. Bloody Galahads.”

“Oy, fuck off,” Eggsy protests. “What’re you coming at me for?”

“You have a particular talent for doing everything you shouldn’t be doing. Also, your taste in music is disgraceful.”

Manly bonding session through giving each other a hard time. Also, I think Eggsy and Merlin would actively try and get on one another’s nerves by hijacking each other’s Spotify playlists or Bluetooth speakers.

Well, since. Percival installed a fish tank in his office last month; Bors has got a new car, a sleek Aston Martin that looks amazing and handles like a dream, and no one is allowed anywhere within a hundred metres of that beauty; Ector surfaced two weeks after V-Day by stomping into the shop delirious and covered in mud and snow and blood, loudly demanding to know if anyone had bothered to water the succulents in his office (“So did anyone?” “Merlin didn’t even know he liked plants, bruv. The lot of ‘em died.”); Roxy’s got a second dog because the vet said Lady Audrey was lonely, and Lady Evie is an absolute chaos gremlin of a dog with a fondness for stealing Eggsy’s shoes and hiding them every time he stops by Roxy’s place.

Yes, that Aston Martin, the James Bond car. Hugh Grant is Ector. Lady Evie is an English Cocker Spaniel. I will not be taking questions.

“Holy shit,” Eggsy blurts out, “you’re real.”

“Of course I am.” The man from that strange dream raises an eyebrow at him. “Would you mind sitting back down? You’ll ruin the armrest.”

Eggsy just stares. “How the fuck—”

“—am I here? So predictable,” the man drawls. “Powers beyond your understanding, Eggsy Unwin. Same way I brought him—” he gestures in the direction of the bathroom where Harry is, “—back when you asked. Really, I’m a little insulted. I pull a whole human life out of the clutches of Death, and you think I can’t get onto a plane?”

If you haven’t read Goethe’s Faust, I highly recommend reading it just to encounter sassy Mephistopheles. Goethe’s character is very much the inspiration for Mephistopheles in this: mildly amused by humanity, always ready with a witty comment, endearing and offputting at the same time.

Instead, Eggsy closes his eyes and leans back in his seat, focusing on Harry’s presence opposite him, living and breathing. Harry Hart is alive, and that is enough.

That will always be enough.

One of the motifs of this fic, but also one of the core tenets: they’ll fight death because what matters most is being able to be with one another in this life, here and now, and separation is unthinkable for both of them.

Harry’s changed too, just a little. Medical predictably refuses to clear him for fieldwork until they can investigate the long-term impact of the gunshot wound, but it isn’t the crippling

bolt-from-the-blue headaches that has them in a whirlwind of activity. Instead, an offhand comment Harry makes during a walk in the garden sends everyone scrambling when he asks Merlin, “Were there always this many butterflies?” only for Merlin to glance out at a completely empty field and immediately summon every neuropsychiatrist in Kingsman’s employ.

Ha. We still get the butterflies! Much as I think we give the second movie a hard time, I liked the idea that Harry can deal with the visual hallucinations and still be a perfectly competent spy. Plus, it gives me an opening to have Mephistopheles start popping up around Harry quite a bit without raising alarm bells for Eggsy, because Harry spends a good chunk of time believing Mephisto is a hallucination too.

“Just here to see how you’re holding up. Satisfied with our bargain?”

“Yeah, about that.” Eggsy jabs a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the door. “You said you weren’t going to cheat. What’re you playing at with the butterflies?”

“What exactly do you think it is that I do?” The arched eyebrow and folded arms only make the visitor look even more supercilious than before. Eggsy hadn’t known that was possible. “There’s only so much I can do when someone gets shot in the head, you know. You’re lucky I even got his eye back.”

And on that note, were the butterflies intentional sabotage on Mephistopheles’ part? Initially, I was going to write them that way, but then I figured Mephistopheles could read them both well enough to know how to make Harry sell his soul too. They say the Devil is an excellent salesman, and there’s already enough in Harry to manipulate/tap on without having to add something to it. Plus, the idea that even the Devil can’t do everything is fun, so I suppose this is a completely harmless form of the “came back wrong” trope.

In the end, for all the grand gestures Eggsy can think of, the truth slips out in the middle of not very much at all. It happens on the most unremarkable of Wednesday afternoons, after Eggsy has again made himself comfortable in Harry’s office all day to while away the rest of his mandatory downtime.

Up to this point, Eggsy’s love for Harry has been (to his knowledge, at least) unrequited, and he hasn’t exactly had any signs that his affections are reciprocated. In light of this, an accidental confession seems to be the right way to get them both moving. Also, I recognise one of the issues that comes up in a relationship with a large age gap (despite them both being consenting adults) is power distribution and the power dynamic, and I attempt to tackle some of that in Harry’s segment, so I’ll reserve the commentary for then. Then again, I suppose if you’ve read an entire Hartwin fic, you’re already on board with the ship and I’m preaching to the choir here, haha.

The momentary break in eye contact is enough to jolt the rest of his body into action, and his feet start carrying him towards the door, towards the most sensible path of escape.

“Eggsy.” Wood creaks. Arthur’s chair, Eggsy thinks. Harry’s gotten up. “Eggsy, wait.”

Five strides more to the door handle. The thundering of his heartbeat is all Eggsy can hear.

Man’s flight reflex kicked in lol

“Not saying anything without a lawyer,” Eggsy jokes weakly, and Harry sighs.

“Please stop talking.” Then Harry’s lips are on his, and Eggsy understands.Yay! This line will come back to bite everyone, starting with me. This I think was the first instance of a phrase as motif that I wrote, and it stays in because I like it.

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 3: Pearl of the Night

Narrated by Wenren Dian.

Narrator: The palace shines only brighter at night.

Narrator: The maids set countless lotus lamps alight. Beautiful dancers in their light veil dresses twirl to the pleasant, soft music.

Narrator: The partygoers all dressed in elegant outfits, decorated with fine gemstones and exquisite jewelry.

Narrator: The gourmet dishes served with rare wines set the scene for much laughter and enjoyment.

Narrator: Never one to enjoy scenes like this, I ask one of the servants to bring me Lor River City's past records for me to pore over.

Narrator: I can sense the Ocean of Memories from the mural. I just might be able to find hints from these records.

Queen Joyeux: Why are you not drinking, Sir?

Wenren Dian: I don't drink.

Queen Joyeux: What a bore, but do still join us. We always make sure our guests have a good time while they're with us.

Narrator: When I fall silent, she walks down to the dance floor and jerks the musician's pipa off his hands.

Narrator: It's then that I see the young girl in the Queen... one throwing a tantrum, that is.

Narrator: Free and wild, Lor River City's music is a far cry from Cloud's... it flows like a free stream and shines like the shimmering moonlight.

Narrator: Everyone is enjoying themselves, and I seem out of place as the only one who isn't enjoying himself.

Narrator: I see a guqin lying right beside me, its tassels trembling in the air. God only knows where the musician playing it went, though.

Narrator: I pick up the guqin and start tuning the strings.

Narrator: Her face red, the Queen appears tipsy. She stops dancing and starts playing the lute.

Narrator: And right away, she dumbfounds everyone and catches their attention.

Narrator: Her music, however, can't seem to conceal what's really going through her mind.

Narrator: The music is a reflection of the musician's mind, as they say, and it's obvious from the music that the Queen is feeling alone.

Narrator: Our performance resounds through the palace as everyone watches us playing.

Narrator: When we finish playing, people lavish their applause on us.

Narrator: The Queen's face has reddened further, although she hasn't drunk more. She smiles as she looks at me, apparently still engrossed in our performance.

Narrator: People come to give me a toast. Unable to turn them down, I pick up my books and sneak out when no one is looking.

You: These people are some heavy drinkers. Just how many bottles do they go through in a night?

Narrator: People here live in the moment because Lor River is no stranger to windstorms.

Narrator: The banquet may seem extravagant, but they only make it so because they know that their days are numbered.

Choose "What's going on?"

You: Why are they toasting you now all of a sudden? What's going on?

Narrator: People here use music to communicate their feelings, and the Queen uses music to choose whom to marry.

You: Uhh??

Narrator: Little did I know.

Narrator: Having left the banquet, I'm walking down a dimly-lit hall in the palace. Plants are planted alongside the hall.

Narrator: Burbling past slowly, a stream shimmers in the moonlight.

Narrator: The banquet is over. With a golden cup in hand and a smile on her face, the Queen walks up to me slowly.

Queen Joyeux: My palace is gorgeous, isn't it?

Wenren Dian: Lor River City is like a crystal ball sparkling in the desert.

Queen Joyeux: Lor River City is the one and only oasis that sits in the middle of a desert that reaches across a formidable distance.

Queen Joyeux: Such a paradise, however, is now at the mercy of windstorms with a worrisome future.

Wenren Dian: Lor River City's future is anything but worrisome with a competent leader such as yourself, Your Majesty.

Queen Joyeux: Aren't you lending me a helping hand?

Wenren Dian: Who am I to have a say in my capacity as a mere traveler?

Queen Joyeux: And who are you to not have a say? What's mine will be yours if you stay.

Wenren Dian: ...But I came only because I was enthralled by the mural. I thought Kalah was the god I had been looking for.

Queen Joyeux: Am I a joke to you?

Wenren Dian: Why do you say so?

Queen Joyeux: How could you call yourself a traveler and tell me that you're eventually going to leave me when you've proposed to me by playing the guqin?!

Wenren Dian: I... proposed to you?!

Narrator: And it hits me that I'm in the grip of a terrible mistake.

Wenren Dian: I didn't mean it that way. I only played along since I felt like it at that moment.

Wenren Dian: I'm still learning the ropes of Lor River's customs, and you have my apologies...

Queen Joyeux: Cut the nonsense! I'm Lor River's queen, and that makes me the crystal ball that shines the brightest of them all.

Queen Joyeux: You now have a chance to stay with this crystal ball. What's your answer?

Narrator: I say nothing, and by saying nothing I believe the Queen understands what I really want to say.

Queen Joyeux: Very well...!

Narrator: The brocade rug becomes stained with wine when the Queen throws her golden cup onto the floor and leaves with bitterness.

Narrator: The palace remains silent until a female officer walks out and announces...

Female Officer: Her Majesty has appointed Wenren Dian the Assistant Minister for the mural restoration project.

Female Officer: Wenren Dian shall be banned from entering Lor River City until the mural has been restored to its previous condition.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

[jdsmineralwater]

rtc characters as things ive said pt 2

mischa: so what do you want to watch? ocean: i dont mind, just nothing that'll give me nightmares- mischa: * hits play on the purge *

-

constance: i can set you up with one of my friends! noel: im happy pining, thanks -

mischa: come on, ocean, we need to get those lungs working to full capacity! ocean: they are working to full capacity! ocean: its just not a very high capacity

-

ocean: * yelling *

penny/jane: i think if someone yelled at me like that over something so trivial id cry

-

ricky *signing*: look at how much i wrote!

mischa: you're insane

-

noel: i dont know why people act like im such a dating expert- ive dated one person!

noel: *looks at talia*

noel: collectively. we have dated one person. between us.

-

ricky *signing*: i really hate this character.

ricky: *watches prequel*

ricky *signing*: great so he was meant to be annoying. i hate him more.

-

ocean: look. girls by girl in red. my sixth most listened to song this year.

ocean: you dont know how much effort it took to get it out of my top five.

-

ricky *signing*: ocean has gone insane.

ricky *signing*: "what are you doing today, ricky?" oh nothing much. just hoovering my books.

-

constance: i think i want to break up with __.

noel *pulls out notebook*: ive been waiting for this one. tell me more.

mischa: wow, the sunflower notebook. thats how you know hes serious.

-

penny/jane: *waving non-see through water bottle in the air*

penny/jane: you guys have been way too chill about me periodically drinking from this suspicious bottle! it could be anything!

noel: its orange juice.

penny/jane: its orange juice.

penny/jane: *opens lid*

penny/jane: though considering how often ive left it unattended it might not be at this point.