#Obito needs more then just a hug and therapy

[obitobi-simp]

Do you guys ever think about obito enojying acting like a child ? (A 4y/o sometimes according to deidera)

And I don't mean his tobisona or acting in general .I mean just behaving like a child.

He never had a childhood maby to cope to catch up with it.

Maby he never even grew up and still IS a child mentally or wants to be one . His way of being/expressing obito ?

Whenever it's abt obito it's always the child that child is uchiha obito. The adult is nobody the growen up is "Madara" he rejected Obito or maybe it was what was left of Obito who rejected what he became maybe both.

Cuz even when no one is around he stays as Tobi even around zetzu he did that long enough for both to just take it as is and not ask any questions anymore

Also somthing i just noticed tobi sounds like "To be" that deffebatly wasn't intentional but still cool if tobi was obitos way to be cuz it was either Tobi or not to be

[obitobi-simp]

Tobi : yaeh he deffenatly is the wierd one here

The other 4 voices in Obitos head: * nodding in agreement*

Sasuke, immediately after getting the curse-mark: You guys don’t understand. It’s in my head, it’s linked to my emotions, it knows what I want, but it’s not ME, it’s evil and wretched and angry and-

Sakura, trying to be comforting: It’s okay Sasuke-kun. You’ll be okay. Everyone has something like that. It’s really annoying and kind of scary, but it’s YOU, and if it’s YOU then it obviously can’t be too bad. Just don’t feed it after midnight and mentally wack it with a newspaper when it says something you REALLY don’t like. That’s what I do!

Sasuke:

Sasuke: What are you talking about. Do you have a curse seal?

Sakura: What? No, of course not! It’s just- It’s- NARUTO, BACK ME UP

Naruto, scratching his head: Um. I mean I get what you’re saying Sakura-chan and, like, yeah I’ve got one of those too, and it isn’t exactly a CURSE seal, but it’s- special circumstances, dattebayo? I’m not sure I’m a good example.

Sasuke: What. What are YOU talking about??

Sakura: No Naruto, that sounds like a PERFECT example. See, Sasuke? Even dumb NARUTO has a bitch voice in his head. Like- you get those headaches sometimes, right? When it gets so angry it SCREAMS at you for NO good reason and you just have to politely pretend it’s not happening so you don’t cause a scene at dinner?

Naruto:

Sasuke:

Naruto: I mean. That HAS happened to me before with Iruka-sensei, yes. Totally forgot about it though.

Sakura: See Sasuke? It’s super manageable, even if it IS a hassle. And you’ve got me to help you with it! And Naruto, I guess. Maybe Kakashi-sensei, but he seems like the type to get touchy if you ask about it.

Kakashi, appearing when he hears his name: Touchy about what?

Sakura: Um. Oh. Well. Aha nevermind-

Kakashi: Oh, well now I’m interested Sakura-chan!

Sakura: ….promisse not to get mad.

Kakashi, lying: Of course! How could I get mad at my cute little gennin?

Sakura: Ok. So Sasuke’s freaking out about the super-angry-mean version of him in his head now, and I told him that he’d be fine because EVERYONE has voices like that, his just got louder, ya know? But I said that maybe we, um, shouldn’t tell you, because you seem like one of those people who pretends to get all freaked out when we talk about having evil voices in our heads since we’re old enough to know not to talk about stuff like that out loud. Sorry I promise I was just trying to make Sasuke-kun feel better and-

Kakashi:

Sakura: Right! Right. I’m sorry we can pretend I never mentioned it haha. But Sasuke…..like you can talk to Naruto and me.

Naruto, not understanding much but understanding THAT: You BETTER, bastard, or I’ll BEAT it out of you! That’s what teammates are for.

Kakashi:

Sasuke: …hn. Fine. If you both insist.

Sakura: =)

Kakashi, softly as the kids walk away: whatthefuck

[tozettastone]

Akatsuki but I ranked them by whether or not they'd have sex with their clones. Obviously, under a cut. Not too graphic but still essentially a list about clone-fucking.

11. Tobi: Obito is a prude and you can't convince me otherwise. He views clone-fucking as crazy kinky shit only gotten up to in the annals of Icha Icha fanfic, not something real people do. Nevertheless he has 100% made a clone to hug him in the quiet privacy of his ongoing nervous breakdown, so take that where you like.

10. Deidara: This is weird and gross and his face is completely changing colours!!! (Deidara is... young.) You can't just ask him weird questions like that! (Never mind that Deidara makes clones just to blow them up. If you taught him the shadow clone technique he'd use it just to remember the "experience". He has no leg to stand on, but these are very different abuses of clone techniques, to him.)

9. Sasori: No, because all the interest he ever feels is intellectual now. He finds Deidara's disgust performative and foolish, though.

8. Pein: Always has clones, but Nagato is maybe too depressed and/or sick for sex? The constant availability of clones would seem to put him high on this list, but actually he kind of feels guilty and resentful and angry about that kind of physical indulgence and is actively hostile towards things that cause him pleasure. Please get some therapy, Nagato.

7. Hidan: Highly orthodox within his own perception of what's normal and moral, to be honest. Clone sex is weird and hasn't really occurred to him to try, but if you ask about it he'll contemplate the strange perversions of other people. If Hidan wants sex, he wants it with another person. People's consciousness of physical experiences is important to him, and also he likes being their focus. Like... pay attention to him!

6. Kisame: Has heard of this and isn't throwing a tantrum about it like some of these others, but also he hasn't tried it himself. It seems like a lot of effort for the payout.

5. Itachi: Itachi's too sick and tired to think about sex a lot without, like, significant input from someone else. His intense physical desires are probably more along the lines of that feeling when you finally lie down after an interminably long day and your whole body seems to decompress. If you asked him about it, he'd probably completely ignore you—a shun, like you aren't even there. But really, if he thinks about it internally, at least if someone is using their clones for sex they're not inflicting themselves on the populace. (His mind drifts to Jiraiya. Hmm. Yes.)

4. Zetsu: Has no kind of procreative instinct. Still tried it. Experience middling. Not sure why people like any of it, really?

3. (Honorary) Orochimaru: ...Orochimaru is the only person with whom Orochimaru has ever had sex for the pleasure of it. Every other sexual encounter, ever, has been largely about the other person. He likes to control other people by provoking them into some kind of response. People are very cute when they're screaming and crying, and there's more than one way to skin a cat.

2. Kakuzu: He is over ninety and made of a bubbling mass of tentacles. You can be pretty sure if it's physically possible, he's tried it. Next!

1. Konan: The only other person she would potentially, possibly have considered allowing to touch her is now the lifeless puppet of her friend. The ardour has... cooled, there. She has needs though, and clone techniques are nowhere near as chakra or control-intensive as her overpowered paper jutsu. Her clones are safe, clean and pleasant smelling, which is more than can be said about anyone else. Thursday nights are self care nights and it's more than your life is worth to interrupt her.

[tamagoneko]

tell me about the blorbos in your header

oh boy!! ill try not to just info dump kl;jda

💙 ZACK FAIR 💙

restless as a puppy and the tragic hero of ff7 this good boy is a ray of sunshine and optimism in an otherwise dark world. he carries his heart on his sleeveless arms, always trying his best to help those around him.

❤️ DANTE ❤️

the legendary devil hunter wacky woo-hoo pizza man himself! there's a lot to unpack here so we might as well throw the whole case.

the youngest twin from a tragic family this man though an air of nonchalance and wisecracks cares a lot though he would never admit it out loud especially to those he cares about as a means to protect them. he literally is always broke and in dept because he donates most of his money away to those he thinks needs it more.

🧡 OBITO UCHIHA 🧡

the black sheep of his family and resident crybaby he self sacrificed himself to save his rival and friends and tragically ended up getting brainwashed and manipulated by his own rescuer and ancestor. obviously what he did was wrong ( and he knows that ) but the end goal to unite the ninja nations so that no more children would have to die in pointless wars and people would no longer suffer was a noble one. once getting some sense beat into him he redeems himself for his past actions.

to sum it up they are all severely depressed and desperately needs lots of hugs and therapy. pure of heart, dumb of ass.

[mrsbakashi]

Ahhh you're truly so kind-hearted and lovable. My day was great, considering that I should actually study for an entrance exam that I know is going to kick my ass lol. And its already 1 am here, oh well Procrastination is my profession ✨ My Top 5 Naruto characters: (I genuinely took 15 mins because I love nearly everyone)

Kakashi ☼- the love of my life, the apple of my eye, I live and breathe for him

Obito- idk what to say haha

Itachi- This sweet baby man, I just wanna give him love

Gaara- this one is a the biggest cutie pie after you (+ he loves cacti)

Yamato- he kind of just wormed himself into my heart, idk how but...

honorable mentions (cuz otherwise I feel bad): -Shikamaru- love him sm -Genma- damn -Naruto- little devil sweetheart 💞

This was sooo hard omg, but I loved this. Why do I have mostly traumatized men up there? Btw, do you have a Top 5 list somewhere ? P.S: I read 'composure'- damn, it made me really giddy. I hope I didn't write too much 😅

how was the exam? sorry i wasn't around! (procrastination is also my profession what a coincidence!)

i love that it took you 15 minutes to chose your favorite characters because i do the same, i can never decide 🤣

ooh, btw i retook the test and i'm still an INFP, probably even more than before lol tell me your secret to turn into an ENFP because i need to be an extrovert so my life will get better

so my top 5 naruto characters (there i go to spend at least 20 minutes trying to choose 5 between all the characters that i love - that's a form of torture, just saying):

here's a cut because shit got too long

kakashi, obvs. he's my everything and i can be the therapy he so desperately needs (or i can make him worse 😉 watch me make him never leave the house again and just spend eternity in bed with me - he only goes out to see the kids who are not kids anymore and his kid's kids because they're like our kids)

my number 2 right now is obito, i just love him sm and i wish i could live squeezed in a sandwich between kakashi and obito (i could die happily, i just know that's what heaven feels like: you die and your favorite fictional characters are real and you get to live squeezed between them). i just wanna be loved by this unhinged boy 😩 tbh i think that the #1 reason obito is here is because my uterus just explodes whenever I hear his name, so...

itachi 🙄 i love him sm i wanna die, ugh. let me make you feel good, sad boi. watch me saying i don't love uchihas and then putting only uchihas on my top 5 because i am, in fact, a uchiha girl (also our top 3 is the same which explain why we're friends ❤️)

sasuke, i'm not sorry 😔. he just has been through so much, i understand his character (though i can't forgive his actions) and i just wish things could be different, you know. wish he could be happy... i also love naruto as much as i love sasuke, they're like my children. (is it cheating to put 2 characters in one position? because then i could put obito, kakashi and itachi on 1st 👀)

yamato - he had had 5 seconds of screen time when my heart decided that he needed to live there forever. purest heart in the whole world, i love him sm 😩😩😩😩😩 yamato let me love you properly

and of course honorable mentions!

zabuza and haku (i'm putting them together because even tho i love them in different ways they're a duo and can't be separated). i just love, understand and respect them a lot, wish we could've seen more of them.

deidara - i love this chaotic mess of a man 🙄

kimimaro - same as zabuza and haku, he'd amazing and i wish we could've seen more of him... wish zabuza had adopted him that night so he would be happier and would have haku to talk with. i just... wish i could hug him and tell him everything's gonna be ok. he just needed love. true, free and unconditional love, not that shit he got from orochimaru.

shikamaru and choji - yes, i love them abnormally, and i'm putting them together because i love them the same.

sakura - i know the list is already too long because i really do love all of the characters, and i also know most people hate on Sakura but i LOVE her, i think she's amazing, she grows so much!

this was really hard, like you said 🤣 i could go on forever about each and every character because i do love them all (except maybe orochimaru and danzo). anyway.

i'm so glad you liked composure! no one else but me did 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

i hope i didn't write too much, and thank you for asking and talking to me ❤️

[phoenixyfriend]

In Which Kaguya has a Summoning Engine

As was brainstormed with @lizasweetling​ in a Kagumo server.

So, the context needed is that the Summoning Engine we reference is Lucrezia Mongfish’s ‘throne’ from Girl Genius. She held a copy of her brain in storage, and a man who’d once been in love with her, and still was, had dedicated his life to putting young women (including his own daughter) in the throne in an attempt to download her mind to overlay theirs. Most died. Some became vegetables. It only worked successfully on Lucrezia’s own daughter, the main character.

So it’s a bit horror, yeah. Not transplanting the full GG world, just the concept of the Summoning Engine. Initially, we weren’t sure how to do with this to make it Kagumo without it getting Really Weird and very villain!Sakumo.

Eventually, I started building off of the time-travel concept presented by Sloaners in The Bunnies and the Bees. Short summary: Kaguya yeeted her husband (Sakumo) centuries into the future for his own safety, and the safety of their unborn child (Kakashi in an Egg).

So Sakumo... does not know the engine exists. I think he’d be horrified if he did? But you know who does know about the engine, and is very dedicated to finding someone who can survive it, no matter how many people die in the process of finding a host?

Zetsu.

(Obvi)

Zetsu has not been able to put the machine together, but Sasori knows how to work with fiddly bits! The tech is so weird and foreign and futuristic that Sasori only mostly got it, and that's why it kept killing hosts, but tbh it’s closer than Zetsu managed alone so he can’t actually kill Sasori for failing.

So, what to do? Make. A. Host.

Zetsu helps Orochimaru figure out how to make 'empty' clones. He still has some hair from Kaguya as DNA, so just... make a clone. It’s not perfect, but make a clone. Presumably, the clone ends up with less power at least partly because Orochimaru can’t perfectly recreate the internal conditions of the Ootsutsuki uterus that Kaguya’s own mother presumably gestated her in.

Between Orochimaru making a Kaguya clone and Sasori building the machine, they kind of get it to work.

She's limited- which leads her to be less... overtly homocidal than she might be. Still a badass obv, but not to her standards, and already having at least one human she doesn't totally despise! Possibly two!

Less "world-ending terror" and more like... Konan's level.

Kaguya now gets to work figuring out how to get her darling husband back because he died?!?!?! No!

And he didn't have a backup brain! So she has to figure out necromancy.

Good thing Orochimaru was already experimenting with it!

So the timing on this is a bit variable, but Zetsu would need Orochimaru for bringing Kaguya back via the throne, which means at the very least, Minato is Hokage and Kannabi already happened, probably the Sanbi as well With time for the clone to develop, including experimentation, I'd give it at LEAST a few years later, so a few years post-Kyuubi.

Kakashi’s had time to fill up his trauma meter, and Kaguya gets an earthly avatar while he’s deep in ANBU. She should have enough power to suddenly appear behind him, ideally on a mission. For the Aesthetic.

Kakashi: [reacting to a presumed surprise attack] Kaguya: Baby!! [glomph, followed by enthusiastic hugging]

Kaguya keeps pushing for Obito to kidnap Kakashi. Maybe marry him, Obito seems like a nice young man and a worthy son in law.

As Liz responded: does he tho???

And then answer is yes! To Kaguya. She is not a stable metric, and does not know what is considered ‘a nice young man’ or otherwise... good for Kakashi.

Obito is objectively unhinged and in need of LOTS of therapy before starting any kind of romantic relationship... but Kaguya doesn't understand that.

Kaguya: My darling son! Kakashi: Uhhhh Kaguya: Now you can help me gather the bijuu and regain my glorious power. Kakashi: Uhhhhhhhh Obito: Hey, this isn't the plan I signed on for, and you seem even less relatable than old man Madara, so I'm just gonna... go.

When Kaguya succeeds in bringing back Sakumo, Kakashi is just in his face begging him to Help Stop Mom.

[nonbinarysasukes]

hokage!kushina au

minato rejected being hokage bc he knew his fiance had always wanted it, and bc he knew she had better leadership skills, so he recommended her for the post instead. and when the new hokage was announced as kushina uzumaki, kushina didn’t cry (minato did though). she squealed and hugged minato, then calmed herself down saying, “a hokage has to be cool and composed-ttebane!”

because of kushina’s smart thinking to put mikoto and fugaku on watch while she’s birthing, kurama is held back and sealed into her once more after naruto is born. minato and kushina raise their son into a wonderful (gay) boy. kushina and her bff mikoto find out abt danzo and have him sentenced to death. the members of root, including the children, are freed. 

kushina also abolishes the shitty team setup of “two boys one girl” and starts failing the incompetent boys and passing more girls instead. women’s rights in konoha have never been this good. more than half the anbu is now the women who never got a chance to fight bc of konoha’s elitist system. mikoto is promoted to captain like she should have been so many years ago.

kushina outlaws the hyuuga branch system to much outrage which thankfully calms down soon enough. hinata is never kidnapped bc konoha’s guards aren’t negligent. as a result, hizashi never dies, and he and neji are treated fairly. neji, hinata and hanabi grow up like siblings. hinata grows out of her stuttering habit and becomes a calm, mature young ninja. hanabi is the same bright, talented firework who goes on to lead the hyuuga. neji settles down with lee and gaara as an anbu of konoha many years later.

team gai remains the same, with their wholesome dynamic. neji plays along with lee’s rivalry, all the while hiding his huge crush on lee. tenten just smirks at them the whole time.

tenten gets to study under kushina - surprisingly the uzumaki clan also has a history of weapons. tenten falls in love immediately. she and temari draw in the chuunin exams and tenten gets enough courage to ask her out. they get married after steadily dating for five years straight. temari is the kazekage, so they get to meet on political missions (which end up being just makeout sessions but no one needs to know)

team 8 have kurenai sensei, as usual. she’s not with asuma bc he’s a creep but dates shizune instead. kibahinashino is a thing ok?! hinata is the team leader no questions asked. kiba and shino work amazingly well with her and they all lead feminist rallies together. kurenai has fun with her kids.

anko gets actual. fucking. therapy. kushina lets her nuke oro***maru herself. jiraiya is given a proper dressing-down for his perverted and irresponsible behavior and reforms himself. he takes an active interest in helping orphans and starts tons of orphanages. tsunade returns to konoha eventually and is also given a right scolding by rin and kushina. shizune joins in too.

kakashi, who moved in with kushina and minato not long after obito’s “death”, grows up as naruto’s big bro/uncle of sorts. rin grows to become a strong medic-nin, even learning from tsunade, and is easily able to fight off her kidnappers with a few punches, thus staying alive. obito never finds rin’s body and soon realises madara’s intents, managing to kill him while he’s asleep and running home to konoha where he reunites with his team. obito is fully pardoned by kushina, who gives him a huge hug as she announces his pardoning. minato cries.

there’s no uchiha coup bc they saved the whole damn village and are now respected and well loved. the uchihas also show their warmer side to konoha, which endears them further. fugaku retires from ninja work bc he’s Stressed TM and becomes a househusband. mikoto’s cool enough for both of them anyway, he reasons.

kakashi retires from ninja-ing at 20 and starts dating gai, whom obito sets him up with. rin and obito become the closest of friends but never get together bc obito gets over his puppy crush and rin’s aro. yamato adopts shin and sai, and obito and yamato start dating. 

naruto, sasuke and sakura are still put on the same team with yamato as a sensei, but naruto and sasuke grow up as really close friends. sakura never has a rivalry with ino bc sasuke’s always goofing around with naruto and doesn’t come off as ‘cool’ and ‘crushable’ - though he does grow into his coolness later lmao - and sakura later starts dating ino. (sasuke and naruto and sai set them up.)

team 7 are the BEST of friends, and when sai is added to the team (having had to undergo therapy to reverse root’s brainwashing) he fits in perfectly. he and sasuke have fun making dick jokes. naruto and sakura just face-palm at the two.

naruto’s still a bit of a goof and quite awkward, but he doesn’t have such a problem with chakra as he used to. he’s also talented with sealing, having been taught by kushina personally! he’s all-round average as he doesn’t have much stamina, but a brave shinobi. when he is fourteen he’s made the jinchuriki in an official ceremony.

sasuke pretends he can control naruto through his sharingan and scares him for nearly a month before revealing he’s joking. naruto was so mad (esp bc kushina and minato played along, like of COURSE)

sakura learns from rin rather than tsunade, who turns out to be a wayyyy better role model. she learns a lot about being a medic-nin and even develops her own style of taijutsu - blossom fist, which relies on strong and super-fast attacks by focusing on making the chakra overflow in an opponent’s bones, essentially breaking them. sakura also spends a lot of time with sasuke, both training their genjutsu together.

sasuke awakens his sharingan when he is twelve and itachi comes home half-dead from a mission. he turns out to be extremely talented with the doujutsu, perhaps more so than any member of his clan. itachi teaches him swordplay as well. sasuke also hones his lightning ability and, having never relied on the mangekyou, becomes a master of the regular ability of the sharingan. he receives training from kakashi and becomes almost as good a copy-nin as him.

tenten becomes hokage soon after kushina. sakura is her right-hand. sasuke and naruto are joint anbu captains (minato and fugaku are so proud). kushina officiates sakura and ino’s wedding. everyone’s actually happy.

kushina is regarded as konoha’s strongest hokage until tenten. she and tenten are considered to be on the same level. they’re even called “the twin queens” across the five shinobi countries.

anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk lol ik this got long but i wanted everyone and sadly i couldn’t have the akatsuki and everybody bc let’s be real how much can i type? i might put it in a part 2 tho!

[purple-possibilities]

Character meme! Maito Gai! Casue I mean... look at my icon. This should be no surprise.

You have chosen the very greatest picture of Gai as your icon.  I am honoured to write this tribute to a lovely man.

First impression

Wuh… turtle… a man… on a turtle… a man on a turtle… in a green… a green… one piece… jumpsuit? with… orange… yellow… orange… puce… sienna… goldenrod—fuck it idk what colour that is it’s orange now—leg… legwarmers? are..eyebrows? what? but the other one? matching? what? i don’t… who thought this was a good idea?  Why… is that a sunset?  Why is he talking like this?  Is this funny? Is this dumb?  a turtle?  How is the turtle talking, and is it a tortoise or a turtle… idon’tlikehim—nowait—he’s the greatest

Impression now

Gai is amazing.  Hilarious.  I have mad respect for him.  He may have started off as a joke character but he is actually amazing, as a person, as a teacher, as a character, and I love him.

Favorite moment

After the Chuunin Prelims, the scene where Gai is talking to Lee about the probability of Lee surviving the procedure, and promises that if Lee dies, then Gai will die too.  It’s the first moment you see Gai being serious, and you learn the true measure of his devotion.  Gai might be loud and obnoxious and sunset genjutsus, but he’s also love and warmth and he would do anything for someone he cared about.  This was the first time we saw Gai—and Lee—as people and not gags.  And it was touching and sad and it really made me care about both of them.

Idea for a story

Fuck if I know.  Let met think…I hate to do this, but since Ume is known as the Queen of Angst I’m going to say I was inspired.  When Kakashi is in the midst of his ANBU depression and Gai petitions to be able to join, instead of saying ‘no,’ Sandaime says ‘yes.’  Now we’ve got ANBU Gai, being forced into completing these brutal missions or being charged with insubordination of the highest degree (the punishment of which, is death).  Not wanting to see Gai punished, Kakashi does the dirty work while Gai basically panics.  Seeing how much further into his shell this is pushing Kakashi, Gai bites the bullet and starts pulling his own weight.  The two spiral deeper into ANBU and the darkness that follows them, desperately grasping onto each other.  Gai finally begs Kakashi to leave one day, but Kakashi cannot, even seeing how affected Gai is.  So Gai sticks by his side, slowly killing off all the brightest parts of himself.  Until one day, Gai see’s a young boy with thick eyebrows trying his damnedest to be a ninja without chakra, and begs Sandaime to let him be the boy’s sensei.  Hiruzen finally smartens up, and ejects both Gai and Kakashi from ANBU.  They get their students, and they learn how to heal with their new purpose (Gai is better off at first, but he drags Kakashi behind him).  And then everything eventually works out because I was making myself sad.  As a payoff to having Gai in ANBU, let’s pretend that Kakashi and Gai were such a great team, they ended up finding Obito, they caught him, brought him to the village for rehabilitation.  No Uchiha Massacre, Madara is dead already and now has no one to bring him back to life, Zetsu walked into a patch of experimental weed killer and died (yes, all the Zetsu, it was a huge patch and they just kept walking into it for no reason. maybe there were some parasitic ants that took over their brains or something convenient like that), and everyone lives, everyone’s happy, hugs and kisses for everyone.  Boom.  Horrible ending.

Unpopular opinion

I honestly think Gai would be the greatest boyfriend.  As in: The. Greatest. Ever.  He would win awards for being an amazing boyfriend, and an amazing husband, and an amazing father.  Why?  Because he would give you his everything.  And not in a ‘Oh, I want to take advantage of the man,’ kind of way, but in the sense that, once Gai has decided you’re the one for him (even if you’re just the one for him right now) he is going to put soooo much effort into making sure you’d be happy.  He’d be bringing you little gifts every day, just because they reminded him of you.  They would probably all be different, things that he saw while doing his crazy training throughout the village, but they would all have some sort of deep personal meaning and you would probably love them.  Ok, there might be some trial and error in the beginning, but the man learns fast and never gives up.  If you didn’t like receiving physical gifts, he would gift you every day with something non-physical.  Maybe you like horrible poetry?  Gai will write you daily poems.  Maybe you like massages?  Gai will give you daily back massages, foot massages, wrist massages, full body massages (and i do mean full body massages) etc.  Maybe you just want someone to sit quietly with and cuddle for like an hour—Gai will stfu and cuddle with you.  Sure, he’ll be bursting with thoughts after, and he might get a little fidgety, but he will 100% do it, if it makes you happy.  So you better fucking treat him good or I’ll cut you.  Okay, Kakashi will cut you but still.  Don’t do that to Gai.  If you’re an introvert and you feel sometimes that his personality gets to be a little much, he will try to tone it down or give you space, but he’ll be back to 11 in a heartbeat if you change your mind.  He would remember every single important date.  If you wanted to go somewhere or do something, Gai would make it happen.  Whether that’s going skydiving off the mountains in Lightening, or looking for a mythical fish off the coast of Water, or going to the Land of Hotsprings for some R&R, or just going to the corner store to pick up your favourite take-out and that movie you were talking about.  Did you run out of sugar while baking?  Gai will bring you sooo much sugar in like two seconds flat.  Is he out of the village?  Doesn’t matter.  His summons are at your service (even if they’re a bit slower).  He would back you up no matter what (and even if you broke up, Gai would still have your back.  Gai is Ride or Die ok, he will be there for you as long as you’re not horrible and cheat on him or something.  Don’t be mean to Gai; he’s precious). If you’re having problems in your relationship, Gai will do his best to work them out with you.  Gai will go to therapy and work his ass off to make both of you happy. Gai obviously has his quirks and his own issues, and wheelchair bound Gai will probably take some time to bounce back into his normal vigour.  But honestly, out of his generation, he’d probably be the best boyfriend.  People don’t want to date Gai because LOUD and EYEBROWS and THAT HORRIBLE OUTFIT but a) he can be quiet if you need him to be, b) the eyebrows aren’t that bad get over it, and c) you bet your ass Gai looks amazing naked in civvies.  Don’t ask Gai to change for you (honestly, if you caught his attention, then I probably don’t have to tell you that) because that’s just mean.  But Gai will treat you right.  Date Gai.  You won’t find a better boyfriend.  And if you’re lucky and he proposes, marry Gai.  You might want to elope, though.  He will go a little overboard with the ceremony otherwise.  But hey, you’re dating Gai, you probably like overboard.  So go for the ceremony.  It will be the greatest wedding anyone has every attended.

Favorite relationship

If you’ve been on my blog for more than five minutes you know I love Kakashi.  But that is not my favourite relationship of Gai’s.  I love Gai’s relationship with his students, but specifically with Tenten.  Now I know what you’re thinking; sibi, why choose Tenten when there is Lee, Gai’s protege.  Well, it’s simple.  It’s easy to get along with someone who is like you.  Lee has always been a mini-Gai, and so it was not hard for them to bond.  Both have a relationship based on common interests and common goals, and it is a beautiful relationship.  Gai and Neji’s relationship falls in a similar vein; hard working student, eager to improve himself through hard work.  The problem here is that Gai isn’t much of a mentor—not by any fault of his own, but by virtue of Neji focusing on the Gentle Fist Style.  There were certainly exercises to build endurance and stamina and team bonds that Gai taught Neji, but Neji had a path already, and it was easy to guide him on it.  I love Gai’s relationship with Tenten because he had none of that.  All Gai had in common with Tenten was that they both work hard.  She had no real direction, she had no clan to teach her a specific style or put her on a path she could follow.  He could not identify with her as a girl, he didn’t really know how to treat her (because while Gai is a ball of sunshine he is awkward in his own way) but despite this, he didn’t give up.  He wanted to help her fulfil her goals.  Tenten’s dream was to be like Tsunade?  Gai was going to make that happen.  He tried to set her up with a medical ninja, since that’s what Tsunade was most famous for.  uh oh, Tenten didn’t have the chakra control.  Gai was not deterred.  Tsunade was known for her super strength…but that also required chakra control that Tenten didn’t have.  Gai was not deterred.  He tried to give her his summoning contract, but Tenten ended up insulting the tortoise and ruining that chance, as well as a chance for any animal summon (as the tortoises would surely gossip about the disrespect).  Gai was not deterred.  He taught her how to summon weapons.  He just kept trying.  Gai tried his best to equip Tenten with the skills she would need to fulfil her dream.  She did not end up proficient in the same way that Tsunade was.  But she found her own star.  She found something she loved, developed a fighting style all on her own, and became the greatest at what she did.  And Gai, who didn’t have the talents to teach her to be like Tsunade, didn’t go ‘oh well, I can’t help her,’ he said, ‘if this doesn’t work, then we’ll try that, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll try…’ until Tenten found herself.  He was an amazing mentor to all of his students, but this is most evident, in my opinion, with Tenten.

Favorite headcanon

I don’t remember where it started, but I like the idea that Gai is actually a genjutsu type, and whenever you see the sunset behind him, it’s actually him casting a low level genjutsu for theatrics. 

Here is the ask.  Send me a character (canon or oc) or even a pairing.  Up next is Genma, and then Hidan, Adult!Obito, Rock Lee, and Ino. (which I think I’m going to have to do later, it’s time for me to sleep).

Already completed: Madara, Kakashi, Shino, Tenzou