#OR WHAT I WANT THE OVERALL PIECE TO FEEL LIKE

[astrologysaysno]

I keep giggling at 1 am in the morning about the idea of an A/B/O SVSSS Au where Shang Qinghua is an omega but absolutely sucks at it.

So imagine that he's presents as an omega, but to Shang Qinghua, he can't seem to feel it. Everyone else seems to feel his 'omega-ness' when he presented, so it's probably just him that can't feel the change. The system himself said that he was an omega (A/B/O was never canon, so Airplane wouldn't have thought about what secondary gender SQH was) so he just has to roll with it.

The rest of his story is just him flubbing and epicly failing at this whole Omega thing. Even his system has given up.

His Non-A/B/O first life as Airplane has left his brain incompatible with his body, the motor skills and instincts that you're supposed to have going with your secondary gender are out of the picture, it is not built into his mainframe, so he's basically a de-facto beta with extra no second gender psychologically speaking.

His superiors are keeping a wary eye on him, his fellow peers a wash of mixed reactions to his overall behaviour, worried about who he is and his complete disregard for norms or basic instincts.

He appears completely scent blind to pheromones, nor does he seem to be able to control his own. His master remembers a time where he was the unfortunate victim of two aggressive alphas fighting in the dorms, causing so much havoc they ended up breaking his inkbrush.

The scent from him when it broke was so acrid and sharp they immediately ceased, though he seems to be none the wiser, acting in his usual cowardly manner while shakily asking them to stop.

His martial brothers have never seen him nest in all of the years he's been on the peak. Not a single piece of clothing, not anything comfortable. He simply had a single pillow and a blanket for cold nights as he dozed off. It doesn't help that he avoids everyone like the plague, so even if he tried, he didn't even have anything to build one with

(The system tried to give him the task of making a nest, and he completely misunderstood, building an actual bird nest on his mattress. The system decided not to give nor take points, simply choosing to shame their host for this stupidity. Shang Qinghua keeps it by the windowsill, a memento for unintentionally spiting fate and living.)

In comparison to the rest of his fellow An Ding Disciples, he's antisocialism incarnate, zero bonds that connect him to anyone. (Shang Qinghua can't afford that, not unless he wants the weight of people on his conscience when he betrays his sect.)

It's kind of like that one classmate everyone is familiar with, but no one actually knows them. They just see him in class and forget the rest. He's scarily competent in group works and is capable of working with people, but he's never gonna respond to your text to hangout after the project is submitted and graded.

His master sees this as a detriment. How is he going to be able to have healthy relations with his future pack as a peak lord if he can't seem to get the initiative to actually communicate and bond with them.

So he coordinates a trial run with the Bai Zhan and Qing Jing Peak to help their own head disciples get a grip. A mission to be given to them to get them to open up and become closer as friends.

It backfires tremendously, only ending with the three of them becoming more prickly or antisocial. Only the most formal of greetings will ever seem to come out of Shen Jiu's mouth now, barely hiding his sharp demeanour. Liu Qingge seems to be at least willing to talk to others now, but his relation ship to the future leader of Qing Jing has now soured.

And Shang Qinghua is now more apathetic to the idea of bonding to his future pack, rathering to become completely detached from them.

(Shang Qinghua is destined to be a traitor, so why should he allow himself to experience the cruelty of betraying someone he cares about. It would be kinder this way)

[Love the fact that I just went absolutely everywhere with no coherent thoughts. Enjoy the word vomit I guess.]

[youkaiyume]

I am back from Moana 2. Spoiler free initial thoughts:

While I don't think it was as bad as I thought it would be it also was not what I would call good? It was okay. I think the setup/lore is not very well thought out and it just expects us to accept a lot of it cuz things are happening. They really needed to spend more time worldbuilding. The songs aren't as memorable, but there were one or two that I think are solid. I think there are too many characters and literally Moana's crew is just a copy and paste of Buzz Lightyear's crew from Lightyear. Just as I predicted.

You could really tell though that this was meant to be a series. The narrative flow of it was not as smooth for a movie and I can break up each part as if it was "ah and now this is an episode and this is an episode." At some point I also felt like 'this feels like a video game level and I am meeting an NPC that just directs me to the next section.' So that wasn't great. I'm ngl there were some parts where I was bored or felt like it dragged on too long.

But what we ARE eating GOOD though is all that DELICIOUS Moana and Maui content. Their relationship and interactions are so sweet and when they're reunited again it's literally like seeing two puzzle pieces fit back together and they are well oiled machine. They worked so well together that it kind of makes painfully obvious that we didn't really need the other characters at all. Seeing them and their maturing dynamic was worth it alone.

Overall it was. Okay. I am still kind of nervous where they plan to take this franchise now cuz it's clear they want to do more. And why wouldn't they, Moana is probably the only few things keeping Disney afloat from their mediocrity streak. Did this break the streak? I can't really say it did, but it wasn't a bad time. Not like Wish or Frozen 2 was a bad time. But the possibility of seeing more Moana and Maui adventures is still a bit exciting.

7/10.

[waitmyturtles]

Love In The Big City: An Homage to the Best Queer Show I Watched This Year*

(*that actually aired this year, because I watch a lot of old shows.)

(TW: suicide attempt)

The time I spent reading the novel and watching the television drama series of Love In The Big City by Park Sang-Young was some of the very best time I invested in art this year.

(credit: @/khunkinn)

I wanted to try to keep up with the amazing LITBC Book Club (click the tag below to see all the club's meta!) earlier this year, but I couldn't on my mom schedule. So here's a wrap-up homage to my overall thoughts about this amazing book and its equally amazing drama adaptation, and hopefully I won't repeat anyone's points from earlier meta.

Earlier this fall season, as the drama was just released, I noted my overall thoughts on Park Sang-Young's 2021 novel. What's so great about the moment in time when a book and its drama adaptation meet the same levels of excellence in art, is that you get to see what each artistic medium can really offer by way of its specific ability to penetrate and dissect certain emotional states. With the drama adaptation, we got a more in-depth sense of the visual and behavioral whimsy of Go Young's T-aras friend group. We got a living, breathing sense of the simultaneous quiet and frantic pulse of the Seoul that Young occupied. We could almost taste and smell the sweat, the tequila, the apple martinis of the nightclubs that Young danced in at all hours.

I happened to love the novel, as I wrote in my previous piece linked above, because I love to cringe at really well-written, pathetic narrators. Like Proust's narrator, like Karl Ove Knausgard in his hefty autobiographical series, "My Struggle," you can read the internal musings of these narrators, and you squirm and cringe, being all like.... "really, bro? I know I have trouble getting it together -- emotionally, physically, sexually, everything -- but, dude, YOU are taking the CAKE."

The reason for the squirm is because excellently-written narrators like Proust's narrator, like Knausgard himself (okay, we can argue about "excellently written," but that's for another piece), are emotional pathologists, dissecting every minute whim of a feeling into words, cutting words that account for every last iota of mental anguish that these narrators feel at every given moment.

It's a brutal accountability test for us readers to weather. And, of course, as the very best art does -- it forces us, the readers, to face our own recognition of the kinds of emotions these narrators are detailing, and asks us to relate to them, vis à vis how we ourselves understand these emotions. Thus, a resulting squirm and cringe, as we reckon with our own emotional accountability in that very moment.

I had so many of these wonderful moments when I was reading the novel version of Love In The Big City. Go Young was so cringe. So pathetic.

(credit: @/my-rose-tinted-glasses)

And while the novel delved brutally into the reasons WHY Go Young was so pathetic and cringe, I enjoyed the drama's ability to sensually and holistically take me into that WHY place as well.

For me, Go Young's journey into the adulthood he ends up in begins with the intergenerational trauma and the avoidant attachment he must have with his mother. I say "must" because he's all she's got, and Go Young, to his misfortune, knows this, and must deal with it, and with her.

This is despite her utterly rejecting his identity, his sexuality, and forcing him at a young age to face conversion therapy in as abusive a situation as possible, literally being kidnapped into the therapy. We know from the novel that his therapists end up realizing that his sexuality is not his "issue," and that the "issue" is his actually deranged, Christian-devoted mother.

The drama doesn't get into that level of details. I will absolutely estimate that it COULDN'T get into that level of detail due to potential censorship, and the portrayed meaning of such a comparison as to show a devout Christian mother as a neglectful, bigoted mother.

But what the drama showed me, in real time, were the spontaneous movements and moments that punctuated Young's life, that were totally derived from the low self-esteem, the lack of internal love and respect he had for himself for most of the series. The emptiness, the lack of BELIEF that he had in himself, that stemmed from the refusal of his mother to accept him lovingly and holistically. I'd recommend LITBC to any potential parent as a guide on how to NOT parent your kid.

As someone trained in the social services, and as a steadfast lover of intergenerational trauma in shows -- and how dramas demonstrate the long-term impact of intergeneration trauma unto their characters -- Love In The Big City is utterly SUPERLATIVE in this category.

And this kind of neglect that young queer people so very often face in their families NEEDS to be depicted in art, so that we can see the risks of what these young people could, and will, grow up to be, without nurturing love in their life.

So. Man. Go Young goes fucking ham on fucking hipster doofus Yeong Su in a restaurant. Yeong Su, who himself deals with a kind of internalized homophobia that results in him producing bigoted "research" on homosexuality. And Go Young, unconsciously hoping that he could find love with a most unlovable man, subsequently attempts suicide.

Go Young breaks up with Gyu Ho minutes before Gyu Ho is to depart to China. I saw that moment as Go Young "releasing" Gyu Ho from the burden that Go Young assumes himself to be -- emotional baggage, Kylie, and all.

Go Young cavorts with Habibi, a man escaping just about everything by way of luxury hotels and unfulfilling work. After his real relationship with Gyu Ho, Go Young follows Habibi on Habibi's orders, having little to no agency in the coupling until the absolute end, as he leaves Habibi with a note. Habibi, who himself is also a subject of clear internalized homophobia, another example of the absolute wrath that social bigotry can lay waste on a queer individual.

Love In The Big City balanced these brutal moments of internalized trauma, bigotry, and homophobia with LIFE as it could be lived: life spent working, writing, drinking, partying, sucking dick and moving mattresses, catching up with old friends, supporting engagements, comforting friends after break-ups, BEING PRESENT for yourself and your family and your friends.

There was a shift of growth and responsibility in Go Young's life when his cancer-addled mother sank her head down on his lap in the sunlight of a park at the end of the second chapter of the drama. But what was so OUTSTANDING about the drama version of Love In The Big City, is that the drama didn't assume that that shift would be a great dramatic moment. Go Young certainly got into a relationship with Gyu Ho afterwards.... but he damn fucked it up at the end.

AND IT WAS OKAY. Even though we viewers were fucking heartbroken, IT WAS OKAY....

... because I believe Love In The Big City was communicating to us that it's perfectly okay to stumble in one's continued growth, in the movement forward of one's life. Go Young gets a new apartment, new light in his windows and his life, and celebrates the move (and the end of Eun Su's engagement) on his rooftop with his besties.

The novel ends a bit more brutally than the drama. In the drama, we do very much get to see Go Young doing a moving-forward thing. I was screaming and pacing at @lurkingshan when I finished the novel, and I felt slightly more uplifted when I watched the drama.

I love that I felt those two ways about my experience with each medium. Again, it shows what I GOT from the experience of reading and watching this story separately. And the drama very much played up the T-aras group more for kicks and lights (especially in the hospital), but I still got such a brutal sense of Go Young's internal mishegoss, that maybe I needed those gworls, too, the way Go Young always did.

The other best queer show that I watched this year did not actually air this year. That one is 2022's The Miracle of Teddy Bear from Thailand, which I will review soon for my Thai QL Old GMMTV Challenge project. The Miracle of Teddy Bear was rooted in anger and accountability against parents, adults, and society, for the wreckage that bigotry and abuse can render, internally and externally, on the bodies and minds of young queer people. It was an utterly exacting exercise in a brutal breakdown of queer pain.

Love In The Big City, in comparison, was a visual meditation on the mundanity of an individual's life -- depicting all the cringe and the pain associated with it -- vis à vis broken and incomplete love from family and lovers. But Love In The Big City also had LIFE, LIFE LIVED, woven through it all. Go Young kept clubbing with his friends, because he needed it, because he needed his friends, because his FRIENDS needed the club, and because his friends needed HIM.

While I felt a broken heart for his relationship with Gyu Ho at the end of the drama, what I had for Go Young was hope -- a hope that, while I knew the man, in fiction, would still experience hurt while moving forward, would still very much move forward nonetheless, on his own accord.

(credit: @/khunkinn)

(tagging @neuroticbookworm for awareness <3)

[yannaryartside]

On Fak and Claire

I really need someone to help me understand why the scene where Fak talks to Claire in the hospital feels so gross. Not just cringey or anoying, but plain gross.

Like, gut twisting gross. Female instinct activated gross.

Some people clicked the idea of “Fak living trough Carmy to having a relationship with Claire”

For the longest time I tough Faks obsesión with Claire was a mommy issues thing, (the same with Richie even, these people grow up which such lack of nurture that they will pray for a woman that wants to nurse them as baby’s) the way Fak practically begs Nat to mother him and delivers some (sometimes) cringe worthy clingy behavior.

But recently I watched the hospital scene and the way he delivers some lines is so fucking gross…

“He will take care of you” “he will hug you more” this man was straight up projecting.

Also when he said carmy called her “peace” after they themselves early thought Carmy could only be complimenting Claire by calling her “a piece of ass” it felt like those guys that try to have more game or just straight up don’t care about the attributes of a woman that don’t serve them, but when they her something that they think woman like to hear, they repeat it to gain points.

And then he asks about Claire friends who are also doctors. This was the nail on the coffin for me.

Like he either really wants to fuck Claire and has to conform with the best “lookalike” /living trough someone else what he imagines being with Claire feels like. Or he just wants someone to mother him, diaper him and also fuck him. Which is a problem many men have. They want a mommy they can fuck.

Overall deeply gross, but I doubt they will call it by what it is in the show because Matty is a producer and they cannot give him an actual flawed character that needs to grow, specifically with such a masculinity related problem

[undercoverdonderwolk]

Ok so I don’t have any insider gossip for you, but I have little tidbit that there’s a pundit that is absolutely adamant that Horner wanted daniel for the RBR seat and was pushing for it quiet heavily even after summer break. I don’t know what the ~vibes~ we’re closer to Singapore but it makes me wonder:

I feel like the power play of it all could be the reason that Horner is apparently just not looking at Lawson or Yuki at all. Like, stay with me, but let’s say Horner’s first choice (when it became clear he was coming back to RBR) was Daniel. Hence, them kind of rushing him back into the seat at AT. But of course we know, Marko wasn’t for it and Daniel’s form at the start of his VCARB stint didn’t help him. So, then Marko started pushing for Yuki and then later Liam, not necessarily to spite Daniel but to spite Horner (specifically).

Then, when it became apparent that Marko was gaining some traction back into the team, Horner knew he couldn’t just keep all his eggs in the Danny basket - and this is where he starts to more heavily publicly back Checo. He needed a failsafe. If he can’t have Daniel (and therefore Max) firmly in his corner then he can at least keep Checo in the seat and have his sponsors to ensure the team is being paid dividends - at least financially if not in terms of overall performance.

This is why I thin we’re seeing this push-pull narrative suddenly back in the media. An comes out saying Horner doesn’t rate Liam, Marko comes out saying Checo is “acting like he would drive for us next year”. It doesn’t make sense to anyone else why Checo even has a shot at staying in the team next year - but it’s because they haven’t paid attention to the chess game going on between Horner/Marko all year like we’ve had to.

Somewhere along the way, Horner lost, at least in some sense. I don’t know where exactly, but one of his plays obviously fell through and one of his pieces (Daniel) was just removed from the board. The only play he has left is Checo and the backing of the shareholders that might come with it (also, let’s not forget it was the shareholders that backed him after his harassment allegations). Because if Marko gets Checo out and Liam or Yuki in, then he has 2/2 drivers on his side and can make last power grab before his own contract is up in 2026. I think regardless, things are going to get messy on RBR next year and I’m so glad in hindsight that Daniel isn’t in the middle of it. But to me this is the scenario that makes the most sense.

My only Hang up still is Horner’s lack of long-term plan. Like, why is he going so hard for Checo when he’s almost guaranteed to be out by 2026? What happens then? Maybe he thought he would be in the same boat with Daniel regardless because I was always of the opinion Daniel wouldn’t be in the seat past 2026 anyway. Idk I just felt like he wanted one more year, one last hurrah and then he’s how out (so potentially 2024-2026 if he’d gotten the seat this year). Maybe Horner just feels like if he can keep Checo in one more year, Marko will leave anyway in 2026 and he can rebuild from there but I still don’t think - if Max stays in 2026 - it’s a guarantee Marko leaves. Which I think would be personally hilarious for moi…if Horner ended up with no Daniel, no Checo, no championships, just Marko and a junior that he didn’t want in the first place 😅

hellooooo! i've read this a few times now and it's p much exactly what i think!!!!! as for your question, i think he's going so hard for checo because he is all that he's got left right now. max, yuki and liam are all marko's guys. and i think horner thinks if he can just keep someone on his side with big money until 2026, then he has two more years to find a new guy...

[favoure]

Hello Favour :) I wanted to ask if you had any tips for poses and expressions? I found your art from the aggie (is that how its spelled?) event and Im OBSESSED! Your arts phenomenal, and your poses are so expressive! :D

Have a great day and thank you <3

HI HUNTER !!! sooo glad u enjoy my art i am honored . . . . for the aggie sketch i . i honestly just picked up this reference pic from pinterest xD literally spent an hour before the aggie planning that sketch out, searching for other pieces that had a sorta soft and sweet vibe and leaving those open alongside the ref so i can "Absorb it into my brain"

for tips regarding poses and expressions... IM JUST REALLY PICKY WHEN PICKING OUT REFERENCES TBH 😭😭 Like i wont stop searching until it fits the mental image i have and until it has the feelings im trying to convey in the piece . i also frequently use statues as inspiration too ig . went ham with explaining my thought process in the tags btw i got shyyy ^_^

[aashiyancha]

Finally finished writing something from start to finish.

Hope you enjoyed!

[caterjunes]

what is it about lesbian media that fills me with the heaviest & most profound sadness in the pit of my stomach, in my throat, under my heart.

[princekirijo]

Well that happened. That was a DLC.

[rainingincale]

...

[dashiellqvverty]

my opinion on season 11 is that ian and mickey were all over the place from episode to episode and i ultimately wasn’t very happy with where it ended for them

[orcelito]

Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo

[flugame-mp3]

SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

[anip-art]

My 14th Art Fight attack, against @kirbyaustria, of her OC Selena and my OC Taru!

They are monster hunting homies, your honor.

[punkcherries]

sonic prime so cool ............

[pokemonruby]

i know i’ve been super quiet recently and it’s mainly because my life has been in absolute shambles and i’m trying to keep myself distracted every second of the day lest i go utterly insane and also nothing ever goes on with me in general so i’m not sure what to... talk about really. but i think i’ll start endeavouring to more often, or at least when i feel up for it since i know isolating myself twenty four seven isn’t healthy haha.

so uh...... i’m nearly finished with my novel! i only have a few more chapters but i’m estimating it’ll be done by the middle or end of summer depending on how the editing process goes :) don’t know how long it’ll be until i publish it afterwards since i’m not exactly sure how to like, go about doing all of that stuff but i’ve put a lot of effort into it, and i really hope it shows eventually.