#OP's analysis is spot-on! Thank you for this!!!

[ruins-of-tragedy]

What makes me go feral about every thing here is, beneath all that contempt and rage and frustration, Shauna is still just a kid who craves understanding. Who wants someone to realise what it's like to be in her shoes. Someone who can relate to her suffering. Since she won't do it herself.

Shauna Shipman has always had a bleeding heart. Her interactions with Javi and honestly even Jackie prove it.

She felt so much for her best friend but could never make sense of those convoluted thoughts. Or, more accurately, probably didn't allow herself to since she didn't know how. Kept burying her feelings because it was easier to deal with it all then.

However, that's where she was wrong.

Her complicated relationship with Jackie exists because every emotion she put a lid on, came out one way or the other. All she can now feel is guilt over it, but that won't get her anywhere. They are still out in the wilderness and Jackie is dead.

And then, Javi dies.

He meets his end in Nat's stead. The same Nat who gets made queen after escaping Shauna's blade, while Shauna had to butcher a kid she cared for. Much like the bond she had to sever when her own baby boy didn't make it, because they are out in the wilderness.

After going through all of this, after the place they have been stranded at has already taken so much from her, Shauna's only way of coping is to be recognised for her efforts. Maybe people will acknowledge everything she has lost then.

But Nat is still queen. And she barely had to sacrifice any piece of herself. In Shauna's eyes, this is an injustice. It keeps turning her already mutating grief into an anger. That festers and festers and keeps marinating, while the people around still don't see how much she has had to let go of.

They are incapable of doing so. Which, to her, means they can't even be bothered to acknowledge all that she is owed.

They are happy, and Shauna grows bitter. And she still doesn't receive the validation she sorely desires. So, with Melissa beside her, she does what she can to force it her way. This leads her to become their next queen. But why she aches for it at all never occurs to her. There's too much going on.

They are in the wilderness still. In tune with the wild, but not with themselves.

After all is said and done, Shauna Shipman is just a teenage girl who doesn't know how to process her emotions. And I think, once she grows up, she realises there's too much that needs sorting through. Is scared that if she starts, she will never stop. Definitely downright terrified of the truths it could reveal and how all of them will leave her shattered.

So, she turns into the blade she has had to wield... because the bleeding heart within can be taken away and placed as an offering to the wilderness.

The tragedy here for me is that Shauna won't let herself have what she not only so direly needs, but has also so desperately wanted for as long as she has been alone.

Making everyone, her teammates and husband and even her daughter, complicit in her actions is how she attains these means to her end. All the while though, she still has them away at arms length.

And it keeps hurting all those who matter to her. Even her very own self.

thinking about shauna listening to jackie talk about jeff like he never even mattered when shauna is pregnant with his baby because she just wanted something jackie had and wanted to be wanted by someone who wanted jackie and now jackie doesnt even care anymore and shauna is stuck with this forever. and then jackie dies and then the baby dies but not before shauna has to give birth to him in the wilderness in winter surrounded by people who eat the dead and now fucking jeff sadecki is the last thing she has of either of them and what the hell is she supposed to do with that? she's stuck with him forever.

thinking about shauna beating lottie almost all the way to death to get all of that rage out of her and then when that rage is out of her they give her a knife and tell her to slit natalie's throat, and then when natalie runs and shauna is let off the hook for one thing for once they give her the knife again and tell her to cut up javi, the closest thing to a baby, so they can eat him, and now she's stuck with this, too. and all that rage she burned off didn't go anywhere, really. it's still right there.

and then im thinking about shauna watching lottie and everybody else crown natalie the queen for virtue of not dying, which is the same thing everybody has been doing, except for jackie and the baby and javi who all took chunks of shauna with them and left her with nothing but a knife.

im thinking about shauna who watches everybody gossip and laugh through the springtime knowing that when winter comes she will be the person who will have to cut them all up one by one so the rest of them can live and its very easy to see why she isnt friends with any of them anymore by then. she looks at them and she sees cuts of meat and how is she supposed to look at anybody normally ever again after that?

and its cruel, of course it is, everything she does to coach ben. it's not his fault, it's not about him at all, really, except that he is exactly the problem. he's innocent. he judges them. he sees what they have had to do to survive and pretends he never profited from any of it. pretends to be above it, uninvolved. he judges them. he judges her.

and shauna needs complicity from these people. she needs somebody else to know what it feels like to hold the knife. she needs people to be stuck with those guilty votes forever. tai with the gun and melissa with the knife and natalie at the butcher's table so that she's not the only one. and so ben is the sacrifice.

i saw somebody say that shauna doesnt want natalie to have to feel the pain of butchering a person, thats why she puts the cloth over his face. but that's not true. she *needs* natalie to know the pain of it, the guilt of it, the weight. The cloth is a lie she told herself would make it easier but she knows that Natalie is about to know what the inside of this man's joints look like either way and that she's going to be stuck knowing that forever.

they are going to be rescued someday and everybody will say "we did what we had to do to survive" and shauna needs to not be the only one who really has to mean that when she says it. and i guess she has that now. or she's about to.

[pseudowho]

it’s the anon with the weird boyfriend-best friend situation again :,) thanks for your advice last time haitch! so here’s a little update: after i read your advice i talked to one of my friends about the situation too and she essentially told me the same things you did. so after thinking it all over i decided to talk to my boyfriend last night and it did NOT go well. it wasn’t even fully a break up conversation exactly? i honestly just wanted to just talk to him, get things off my chest and hear what he had to say. so i explained the situation from my side and that i thought him and his best friend might need to work things out a little bit. i didn’t accuse him of anything and i wasn’t really… confrontational? because i really don’t think that there’s actually anything going on between them, i don’t think he would ever actually cheat. but he got super mad at me. like really really mad, i’ve never seen him like that before. and he said that i was trying to ruin their relationship and that everyone does that to them. and i kept trying to explain that that was the last thing i wanted and that i wasn’t expecting him to choose between me or her, just that he maybe had somethings to work out but he just wouldn’t listen. he just kept yelling, he’s literally never done that before. i ended up just leaving and i haven’t talked to him since. he’s blown up my phone with apologies and he seems really upset and sorry so i feel bad for him now but i was so caught off guard by how angry and defensive he got when we talked

CONTEXT: OP initially sent an Ask expressing disappointment that her boyfriend didn't allow her to borrow his clothes. On further Asks, it became apparent that the OP's boyfriend doesn't like her, his girlfriend, to borrow his clothes, because he lets his female lifelong best friend borrow them. On further analysis, it became apparent that the relationship between the boyfriend and the best-friend had more highly intimate elements-- routinely sharing beds, always spending birthdays and holidays just the two of them, and significant levels of physical affection. The OP theories that this stemmed from shared trauma between the two establishing an unusually intimate relationship...but the OP has been increasingly uncomfortable with how this intimacy does not extend to her.

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Sorry, but shouting, rageful anger followed by pitiful apologies, does not a discussion make.

A lot of young men are raised to be distinctly uncomfortable discussing vulnerable emotions. Instead, the visceral response becomes anger, and the emotions at the core remain unmanaged. It sounds like he was probably doing this, for lack of any better communication ability. You touched a soft spot for him, but it doesn't make what you had to say any less relevant.

You raised legitimate concern, and his first response was anger and accusation. That's not functional. This likely wouldn't be the only thing he would react like that too, either.

Ultimately, it benefits him very much for you to be too afraid to bring this up again, and for it to be left alone. There is an element of his reliance on you feeling bad for him, whether he is doing it on purpose or not.

Personally, I would find that if you raised it again, and told him it really needed to be discussed, and he still refused to/flipped out/wouldn't address it with you, you should be considering your long-term future.

Both because of the best friend he has a disruptive semi-romantic intimate relationship with that he refuses to address the core of, and because if this is the way he responds when needing to discuss emotionally heavy/vulnerable things, that's not something you particularly need in a future partner.

You can feel bad for him, and still defend your right to transparency. They aren't mutually exclusive.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

[chaoticgeminate]

Groundwork

Part of the Iridescence Fictional Universe

Locked & Loaded Series

Dave York x Psychic f!Reader

Rating: E (EXPLICIT, minors DNI - Dom/Sub Elements, semi-CNC, female receiving oral)

Word Count: 5.1K

Series Summary: Dave York, retired military sniper and FBMI analyst, is tasked to join and co-lead a new field team with his psychic boss dedicated to combating the rising threat of undead threats in the outer rim of Se'Kvia. The team defies orders to find and eliminate the source of the threat and must run from their enemies and the agency to see their mission through.

Chapter Summary: Talks are had, missions are assigned, and danger makes itself known.

Notes: This is the "first chapter" of this series, a prequel was written and posted [direct link here for any who missed it] but was written strictly to introduce the Dom/Sub nature of the relationship between Dave and RC.

[AO3]

Agitation made your limbs buzz with anxious energy, focusing on taking notes from Mrs. Waters as the Field Operation Manager worked on getting you up to speed for the next mission. Transitioning from an analyst position to a full field agent wasn’t at all what you’d expected this far into your career but within the span of two months you and David were the ones moved to a new set of offices, acting as the co-leads of the newest field team, and like always David was making you sit in on the briefing.

It was one thing for him to eschew all control outside of work but the fact that he was so willing to sit back made you wonder if it wasn’t just him testing you. To see how long it would take for you to break, to demand he do more, to use more of the control he asked of you here as well.

“How is the team? Any issues so far?” Sierra’s question brought you out of your own head and you reflexively smiled, you didn’t mind the trio that had been assigned to work below you at all.

“They’re good, no issues at all, ma’am.” You don’t know where she’d found Marvin, Roman, or Miklós but the three men were efficient and had military backgrounds just like you and David. They understood your hand gestures, had their own call signs for radio communication, and not a single one of the trio gave you any sort of shit for being a woman. It was nice, honestly, refreshing compared to the number of male field operatives in the past who said you belonged in analytics because of your gender.

“Excellent, you five are quickly becoming one of the best teams we have so I’m relieved to hear that. You’re dismissed, your departure is set for 0500 so all of you are allowed to leave now to pack and get sufficient rest.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” As you got up and left the meeting room you resisted the urge to smirk as you passed by Olivia’s new desk, the transfer from analyst to field agent had been something she’d been gunning for since being hired so you were more than a little smug for the reassignment. But your agitation returned when you entered the larger room that your team was assigned to, spotting David reviewing the reports of the last field op after getting the print offs from the analysis team.

“New assignment, we depart at 0500, Waters cleared us to leave to pack up and sleep. Show up to the take-off point ten minutes early for bag check.” You grabbed your things and shrugged on your coat, ready to just go home and soak in the tub, and you heard three of your four male teammates all let out chuckles and affirmatives as they all set the finalized reports aside. You shrugged your laptop bag onto your shoulder, thanking yourself for never kicking the habit of keeping at least two go-bags packed at all times, all you had to do was go home and unwind.

A soft chime from your phone made you pause, glancing at the device and then at David as he tucked his phone into his pocket, the message on the screen was just the bed emoji and a question mark. As you heavily debated your response, standing there staring at the screen for an absurdly long moment, you could feel the tension in the room rise the second Roman disappeared down the hall.

“You don’t- want to?” There was something in David’s voice, not anywhere close to fear but an edge of uncertainty that you’d never really thought to associate with him.

“I don’t know if I’m in the right mindset, David. I don’t want to hurt you-“

“You can.”

His insistence made you look up at him, there was definitely need in his eyes and the thought of you hurting him was exciting to the man.

“I won’t until we finally have that talk about your hard and soft limits.” It had been bad etiquette on your part not to stop and set the rules in the two months this thing between you had been going on, you weren’t exactly someone who knew much about the world of doms and subs prior to this and had to rely on research and even then you didn’t get to look into it often, so you knew you needed to rectify that mistake here and now. Otherwise your conscious wouldn’t allow you to continue any further, you refused to step over any boundary or keep doing things by ear with him, and David nodded when he caught the hard edge to your voice.

The change in him had been plain as day to everyone, having a person to take control from him somewhere in his life had definitely loosened him up considerably. But it sort of made you sick, the idea that this whole time you should have been doing more, doing better for both of you involved, to keep things clear and safe. You weren’t trying to take advantage of David, you wanted to take care of him, and your gut had twisted up when you’d been on those forums and realized you’d failed already.

Giving in to him asking to table the discussion a few times now was a big red flag on your part and it was going to haunt you for a while.

“Hey, are you okay?” David’s hand caught yours and you blinked, realizing that you’d just been standing there staring at him, so you nodded and squeezed his hand before he let you go.

“Distracted, but I’m fine. Your place or mine?” David still had yet to really buy furniture aside from a coffee table and arm chair, the last few times you’d done anything together had been at your place for that reason since you had a bed and jacuzzi tub. He swallowed thickly and finally spoke up, voice soft and a little rasped.

“Mine.” With a nod you left the office, deciding to stop at your place to grab one of your go bags and change out of your slacks and blazer, and you paused as you got into the car before grabbing your phone and placing an order for dinner to bring with you for the two of you. While you’d never actually sat and talked about his favorite foods it wasn’t hard to figure out what he liked, the morning after your first night together you’d noticed he kept staples like eggs and butter in the fridge but that he had back bacon instead of belly bacon and chicken or turkey sausage instead of pork.

Lean white meat was what he had in his freezer, lots of spinach and leafy greens, so it was pretty clear he ate lighter meals at the end of the day. Which made sense for eating a fuller breakfast and moderate lunch, ending on a lighter note with lower calories to avoid over-eating. It was like him noticing your favorite foods from the deli, just that in your case you had a bit more personal of a look into his life.

After a quick shower, change of clothes, and piling your bag into your car you set out for his place; stopping at Cassis and greeting Ani as the chef handed over your dinner with a smile and made you promise to call when you got back to do a menu tasting for her. As you headed back to David’s place you tried to keep yourself from feeling too antsy, pent up and not in a good way, you really didn’t want to be one of those people who used kinks as excuses to get away with abuse. In your head you knew that the fact you were torn up about it was a good thing but your heart wouldn’t settle until you’d set hard lines.

You had spent a lot of your life as the bad guy, taking lives just because someone with power told you to, and it was exhausting; those mental scars hadn’t quite gone away but it was easier now. But with this? With David trusting you in such a way that left him entirely vulnerable? You weren’t even going to take that risk, you refused to ever toe the line between good for him or bad for him.

When he opened the door as you knocked his eyes darted down to the take-out bags, a bit of confusion on his face, and then he spotted the go-bag slung over your shoulder and stepped aside. You toed off your shoes and set your bag down against the wall beside his before sitting on the floor by the coffee table, not missing the way David’s jaw tightened as he took the arm chair, and you slid his food container over to him before getting up and grabbing two glasses of water.

“Eat.” You spotted the way the hair on his arms stood up at your command, his navy blue tee-shirt stretched out over his body nicely and you knew that he’d definitely done it as an attempt to make you break since he’d combined it with grey sweatpants. The look on his face when he opened the container to see grilled salmon, roasted green beans, and a smaller helping of maple glazed carrots made you hum.

“You’re not the only observant one, David. Eat.” He flipped on the television to some cooking program, watching the fey judges use magic to trip up the contestants, and you just enjoyed your favorite meal while letting yourself wind down. After food was eaten and containers were disposed you noticed David was quick to get up from the chair, antsy, and ignored the urge to capture his hair and force him to stop fidgeting.

“I may be a mind reader but I don’t do that without consent, you have to tell me what you want right now, David.” He whipped around from where he stood facing his window to look at you, eyes bright and shining with frustrated tears.

“I want you to- fuck I want you to take it all away from me right now but you’re withholding.” David went still as you clicked your tongue, the agitation returning, and you pointed to the floor in front of the armchair.

“Sit. We’re going to talk about this.” He wanted to be at a disadvantage right now, no matter how much you needed to have this conversation on equal footing, and David dropped to his knees right in front of the chair. When you didn’t move he sat down cross-leg and placed his hands in his lap, your steps quiet as you crossed the space to sit with your back to his also on the floor. His spine went rigid immediately.

“I’m not having this conversation with you as a superior or in any position over you and you’re going to deal with it or I’m leaving, you’re asking me to take care of you and look after you while you’re vulnerable and letting your walls down, David. I’ve been remiss to not do this sooner, to force this conversation, and for that I apologize to you; I don’t want to take advantage of you, I want to take care of you.” David exhaled heavily and you let him gather himself, let him parse what you’d just said to him.

“You’re- you don’t have to apologize. I’ve asked you to do this, I’ve consented every time-“

“David, you’ve trusted me and I appreciate it. I do, I’m honored to be that person you’re allowing yourself to let go around. But I’m not- I want a clear list, I’m still going to be checking in with you but I need to know what your limits are now. They can change, you aren’t locked into them and can even take things off the table or add things, but I need more than just guesswork. This, what we’re doing? It requires trust and communication.” A shaky exhale at your back left you wondering just what he was thinking, it wouldn’t even be hard to find out, but you weren’t the type to misuse your abilities.

“I don’t- I don’t know everything you want me to consent to.” David’s admittance did actually surprise you, the man was meticulous about his report details and research for missions, him not looking into this made you wonder if he’d expected you to really do all the leg work or he hadn’t considered that he’d need to do any research. It wasn’t fair for him to put that pressure on you, not without making sure you were okay with it, but you knew that the moment you told him so the man would close back up and probably be worse than he was before.

“We can go over it all together but you have to promise me you won’t run from the discussions, there’s a lot that can go wrong if we both aren’t careful and I don’t ever want to run the risk of hurting you in a way you don’t want me to. Like, if I tried to wake you up with a blow job and you had some kind of repressed trauma I didn’t know about that I dragged to the surface? I might like being woken up with oral but that doesn’t mean everyone does, you know?” David reached one hand back with his pinky extended, making you smile as you linked yours with his in the juvenile gesture.

“I promise I will sit down with you and we can go over it together, and I don’t have any repressed trauma about blow jobs. That I know about.”

You exhaled and let that promise soothe your anxieties, let it be the thing to give you all the composure you needed, and you got up while pressing a hand to the top of his head to keep him in place. David looked up at you as you walked around to the front of him, sitting in the armchair, and you watched the way his throat bobbed when you crossed your legs and revealed the crotchless underwear you’d slipped on under your shirt dress.

“Thank you for listening to my request, David, you’re being a very good boy. You know what good boys get, don’t you?” His eyes were steadily darkening, lusty and needy, and relief shimmered to the forefront as you slipped on that controlling persona like a jacket. It wasn’t hard for you to give orders, give praise, but the power imbalance wasn’t nearly as bad since he was technically a co-lead. It was still there, as you were the highest authority on the team, but much easier to accept without feeling like you were doing something wrong.

“Rewards, ma’am?” His voice was light and airy, a breathy quality that you knew only came when he was really close to his breaking point.

“That’s right, David, good boys get rewards. Do you have any requests or would you like me to surprise you?” You could see him at war with himself, eyes growing shinier as the indecision continued to sit between you and the frustration piling, so you slid forward in the chair and made sure to open your legs to rest your feet on the carpet outside of his knees while leaning closer to cup his cheeks.

“Poor baby boy, I’m not trying to upset you. Come on, let’s go lay down for a little bit first. Then I’ll let you eat me out, since I know you love it so much.” David practically scrambled to follow your walk to the blankets and pillows, his hands shaking as you pulled him to lay curled against your side while you laid on your back, and the energy was practically buzzing under his skin as you ran the hand of the arm he was half laying on through his hair and across his shoulders.

Keeping him there like that, letting him let his walls down without having to be on guard for anyone finding him like this, seemed to be the biggest stress reliever you could give him; he began to steadily sink into you, that erratic anxiety softening steadily. He let out the softest hint of a snore and you resisted the urge to chuckle, instead just closing your eyes and settling in to sleep after making sure your alarms were set.

Hot.

Your skin was hot and every nerve ending was building up and up, dragging you closer to something as your mind slowly roused from sleep, the dark room was unfamiliar for all of a few minutes until you heard the wet sound of slurping and felt the hot drag of a wet tongue glide through your folds. But it was too late to do anything other than fall, than surrender to the sharp pleasure as he sucked on your clit and ripped you away from sleep, and the wrecked moan that left him as his mouth sealed over your too wet cunt left you writhing as your muscles sluggishly tried to respond to the sudden wake-up.

“Dav-david-“ The sharp whine of his name didn’t stop him, tears blurring your vision as he continued to suck and lap at you, hips hips rutting against the blankets below him as you twisted those blankets in your hands and sobbed when another hot wet rush was ripped out of you. He shuddered and you knew he’d cum in his pants by the way he was breathing, your release still dripping out of you as he looked up through the dark toward you, and the level of oversensitivity he’d driven you to was enough to make you sniffle.

All at once he crawled up closer to your side, the drag of the cotton on your legs making you close your thighs tightly as you wiped at your eyes, and David was breathing faster and shaking again.

“Did I- did I hurt you-?”

“No, no you didn’t. That was just a lot for me right after waking up. How many- how many times did you make me come while I was asleep?”

“Three, ma’am.”

“That’s why, I don’t think I’ve ever come more than twice in one night before, David so my body its just overwhelmed. What time is it?” You got your answer when your alarm began to go off, the two-thirty alert was the first of several, and you yawned wide before getting up off the blanket. David was quick to help you into the shower, letting you wash his hair and clean off his body, and after a quick wash off yourself the pair of you began getting ready to suit up and go.

You left his place, taking your own cars, and as you navigated through the early morning traffic on the intercity highway you let your mind wander. David had probably woken up horny and remembered what you’d said about being woken up by oral, you didn’t think he would have done anything while you were asleep if you hadn’t told him it was okay -you hoped- but as good as it felt you were still feeling off. It wasn’t that you didn’t want or consent to what he’d done, because fuck you did and it felt good, your body was buzzing from it still.

Like some kind of live wire had replaced your veins. But you couldn’t, for the life of you, come up with a reason as to what was wrong with you about the situation. You liked the surprise of being woken up to oral, to having a guy want to pleasure you so much that he made you squirt twice and cum three times in your sleep.

“What the fuck is my issue?” Unfortunately there wasn’t anyone to hear your question or offer you insight.

Marvin, Miklós, and Roman greeted you with tired yawns and you were honestly impressed that David remembered your place was closer to the take-off point and made sure to let you arrive first. As he rolled up you had just finished going over the packing list each of the other team members had put together, taking David’s as he offered it to you, and you nodded in approval before Miklós loaded all the bags into the back seat of the large tactical SUV.

“We’re headed to the outer rim of the city, northern side, got a hotel at the Brownie & Blondie off of Glimmerfield Street.” Even though it was in Se’Kvia by technical terms of territory lines the drive was still going to be several hours, you settled into the passenger seat and decided to give them a pre-brief of the assignment as Roman turned the car out of the lot and onto the main road.

“After checking in we have to take Glimmerfield down where it crosses into Gloamview, the demolition crew said that they began setting up tear downs and that they think they were encountering ghosts. But one of them was attacked and hospitalized.” Thanks to your abilities and the fact that all four men had enough of a sixth sense for lingering spirits you were sort of like the ghost busters of the FBMI field teams, called in the moment a possible undead situation was happening, but having a hospitalization implied it wasn’t just spirits lurking about.

Marvin hummed from beside David and you knew glanced back to see the man pull out a small wooden case from a pocket of his cargo pants.

“I restocked on blessed silver and made sure to tell the supply team to include a few banishing charms.” The other man wasn’t magic-born but apparently his grandmother was some sort of psychic, from what he’d said about her and his knowledge about handling spirits you could only assume she was a medium, and his knowledge was part of what made you all so good at what you did.

“Good. I want to do a two-man walk through first, light arms for easy concealment, see if we can get a confirmation on what might’ve caused a hospitalization. If it were just ghosts the agency would have sent in a team of mediums to do a Rite of Passage and send them to the Ether.” You watched as David nodded and Miklós pulled up his phone, likely searching through the history of Gloamview for any possible connections. You still had to decide who was going in first, it would be wiser to send Roman and David in since the former was just shy of having ‘psychic’ levels of a sixth sense and the latter was very keen eyed because of his history as a sniper.

As much as you didn’t want to put David in danger like this you couldn’t chance going in and getting overwhelmed with the barrage of noise that high infestations of spirits always caused, you had done it just once and it took you nearly a full week to recover.

Cinnelan and Ethrey greeted the five of you happily, the brownie and the sylph had worked with the FBMI plenty of times so they weren’t at all surprised when you requested the added privacy spells on your rooms or when any of you walked by them with very obvious weapon cases. You’d never met them in person before, instead you’d talked over the phone to finalize reports from field agents, so the charming couple were equally delighted to put a face to the name.

“We don’t have any other guests for now but please don’t walk around with your weapons in plain sight.” You looked up at Ethrey from your current task of setting up a mirror link charm, which would make the little desk mirror serve as your way to contact the agency or Consortium for information or back-up, and the diminutive fey seemed genuinely nervous to ask.

“Has that been a problem for you in the past with our agents? We’re forbidden to keep open weapons without reasonable cause, so if anyone does that you can report them.” A quick lowering of her eyes and a flip of her blonde hair was all Ethrey answered with before shrugging, her butterfly wings fluttering behind her nervously, and you grabbed a pen and paper to give her your phone number.

“Let me know if it happens again, I’ll submit an anonymous tip for you.” As she visibly relaxed the sprite nodded and promised a light lunch at noon for everyone before darting away, leaving you to continue setting up your contact, and a knock on the door made you glance up at David.

“Reznik and I are going to head out and do a brief scout.” You nodded and after a quick moment of debate you decided to say something other than just an affirmative.

“Be careful, both of you.” His brow furrowed a little, it wasn’t like you didn’t care but professionalism was something you were always strict to keep, and he glanced behind him in the hall only a moment before closing the door so the privacy spell would kick in.

“Are you going to treat me differently because we fuck?” The brazen way he said it was clear enough and his tone was edging closer to hostile.

“Hell no.” Your reply was sharp, quickly edging from worried to hostile in the span of maybe ten seconds.

“I’m going to tell you to be careful because I’m worried, David, we have a civilian hospitalization involved and you’re both going in with light arms. I don’t want to see either of you hurt, especially if it was for something stupid like checking a building you had a bad feeling about.” He lost some of that tension almost right away, you had done that and gotten put out of commission for a week, and after a heartbeat or two his sigh was soft in the quiet space.

“Reznik and I will be fine, we’ll both keep our guards up. I’m- I don’t want you to handle me with kid gloves on the field.”

“David, do you think I’d let you do first scout if I was going to try and control you out here? Part of me wants to order you to stay here so I go, and for you to be ready for me when we get back, but I’m not going to disrespect you like that.” His eyes widened a little and darkened, clearly he liked the idea, but he shook his head with a bitter sort of laugh.

“Now I know why you wanted to have that conversation, huh? I guess setting limits won’t hurt.”

“Of course it won’t. Now get moving, radio if there’s trouble.” David left with a nod and you stared at the paper charm before slapping the adhesive side of it onto the back of your mirror with a grunt.

You had just finished lunch, helped Ari and Kovac put together the blessed silver satchels, and prepared to check in with York and Reznik when a crackle from your radio sounded and a low grunt came through the device.

“Found the problem, there’s a Revenant.” York’s voice was heavy, he was definitely on the move, and you jumped up before he even finished talking.

“Mobilizing now, stall as best you can.” One heavy hit to Ari and Kovac’s doors each was all you needed, waving to Cinnelan and Ethrey before hopping into the SUV’s driver seat and starting the vehicle up. The other two had gone on foot just in case they’d need a quick extraction or back-up and you were moving before Ari even finished closing the door. As you tore down the road you ignored the rapid tattoo of your heart while Kovac worked to dig out his rosary.

The SUV screeched to a stop in the middle of the empty neighborhood, long stretches of road and plenty of surfaces covered in trees or bushes taking over, but your head immediately began to throb in pain as soon as you opened your senses just a little bit as a cacophony of voices shouted over each other. Immediately you closed yourself off again and shook your head, waving off the worries from the guys, and you three got out of the vehicle and hurried toward the sound of gun shots.

York was pinned down, using a cement wall as cover, while Reznik grappled with the damn thing thanks to his gloves and whatever charms he’d gotten imbued into the fabric over the weekend.

Your presence was a shining beacon to the thing, closed off or not, and the Revenant let out an airy shriek as it turned to look at you. Something between ghoul and wraith, it looked plenty dead with rotted skin and missing patches to expose nearly translucent bone, but the empty eyes were glowing with hellish red energy.

“Come on, ugly bastard, you wanna go?” The thing let out a wail that made your skin crawl and you drew both of the silver daggers you kept on you, the blades were about half the length of your thighs and kept carefully sharpened, and as the Revenant charged toward you and kept it busy. Ducking under one swing by the disproportionately long arm as Ari, York, and Reznik worked to set up a silver circle.

Kovac’s ringing voice cut clean through the air as York finished the last connecting line and the circle began to close, your body diving through the gap after kicking the Revenant to hit one of the formed walls and stun it, but the sharp pain in your calf where its claw-like fingers tore through your tactical pants and boots left you wheezing as you rolled along the ground.

“Shit.” York dragged you away from the cylindrical cage of power, the Revenant ramming into the shimmery walls as Kovac held his rosary out and proceeded to chant a banishing spell, and the runes in his other hand began to crackle with power before he slammed the papers into the silvery wall and you watched the Revenant begin to crumble into nothing as it was dragged through the portal that opened to the Ether Realm.

None of you said anything for the longest time, your shiver forcing York to scoop you up into his arms as blood began to finally drop out of the layers of fabric from your injury, and after you all got into the SUV Kovac finally found his voice again.

“Who the fuck knows how to open a gate to the Ether? Revenants down just show up on their own.”

You wished you had an answer for him.

[spaceorphan18]

Yes!! OP! Wonderful thoughts! Thank you for writing all of this down -- because I think you are completely spot on in your analysis.

To add to a few of your points...

I completely agree that the brothel scenes -- the first one in particular -- show that it's about sexual discovery without the lack of intimacy. One of the things Colin (clearly) discovered in his travels is sex. And, even for someone whom you could label as demi (and I can totally buy that reading with Colin) sex feels good. Discovering that you enjoy sex is not a bad thing, and doing so in brothels, for that time period, is better than him sleeping around with debutants and getting himself in to much worse trouble.

The way he talks to the sex workers, too, is very key. He's kind and funny with them. Compare it to Simon and Anthony who have zero conversation with the sex workers when they're done, and just throw money on the table and leave. Colin is not like that -- he's enjoying himself, and enjoying the attention, but I have no doubt that he wants them to feel good, too. Yes, sure, it's a forced interaction (really between all of them) but Colin is still gonna Colin.

But it's fascinating to look at -- all of this time spent with women who know what they're doing when it comes to sex, and I have to argue that he probably picked up a lot of things along the way -- not only how to pleasure himself, but how to pleasure women, too. I mean - look at how he goes about his sexual experiences with Penelope. It does become about her pleasure. Where do you think he learned to do that? And on top of that -- sex workers are meant to help the client out. Which means, there's a good chance Colin asked them what they thought felt good. Something they probably aren't asked a whole lot about.

Having two at once is another key element. Totally agree in the 'go big, go home' sentiment of the OP. But also -- it makes it less intimate. Colin isn't looking for intimacy. He got trampled on by Marina. And Penelope, whom he feels the closest too isn't responding to him. So trying to discover this fun new thing (sex) while taking the emotion out of it -- something Colin's totally going for. And having two women there means less attention on him individually, and it becomes more, like, a group project. It strips the one-on-one focus that Colin is running from.

The first scene, also, sets up the impact of the second one. The first one is light and fun and highlighting where Colin is in his self discovery. And we need to have that as a contrast to the second one -- to see that, so to have an impact when he has no interest in the interaction in the second one. He's learning that love and intimacy makes all these paid interactions feel hollow and empty, and that his feelings for Penelope just can't be brushed away with a good romp in the sack.

It is about Colin's journey, and I'm glad they showed it. Because it shows Colin being messy and human and learning about himself and growing and coming back around to realizing that the person he was -- that deep romantic of Season 1 -- really is him. And he can't, ultimately, undo who he is. And that's what makes him special.

Why I Didn’t Mind the Brothel Scenes in Bridgerton Season 3 - Hot Take

Before I dive into this, I want to make it clear that if you didn’t like the brothel scenes in Bridgerton, that’s completely valid. I’m not here to change your mind, just to share why they worked for me and how I see them fitting into Colin’s journey.

I’ve noticed a lot of conversation about the brothel scenes, with some people feeling like they were out of place or didn’t fit Colin’s arc. Personally, I didn’t mind them, and here’s why I think they actually make sense (for me) in the bigger picture of his growth.

Discomfort Is the Point

Right from the start, I think it’s important to recognize that the brothel scenes are supposed to feel disconnected, almost uncomfortable. The whole point is to show how uncomfortable Colin is with himself at that point in his journey. He’s forcing himself into a persona he thinks he should have, and the scenes reflect that struggle. It’s not about Colin being this confident playboy - it’s about him trying (and failing) to figure out who he is and what he wants, which is messy and awkward.

I think they are actually a crucial part of his self-discovery. By showing him trying too hard to fit into a role he doesn’t understand, it's making sure we feel how lost Colin is (because we already know his character isn't actually like this). His growth feels more earned because we get to witness his struggles firsthand.

A Different Take on the "Rake" Archetype

Now, Bridgerton has explored the “rake” archetype before, with characters like Simon, Anthony and Benedict, who exude charm and use that to hide their emotional vulnerabilities. But Colin’s journey flips that trope. He’s not confident in the way they are. He’s actually a man who’s very much unsure of himself, fumbling toward an identity he hasn’t figured out yet.

Colin doesn’t find confidence in seduction the way Simon and Anthony did - it's more of a mask, something that’s not truly him. The brothel scenes highlight that lack of confidence, showing how far he is from figuring out what he truly wants. It can be relatable for anyone who’s ever felt lost or unsure about themselves.

It’s More About Sexuality as Self-Discovery

For Colin, the brothel scenes aren’t just about physical pleasure - they’re more about experimenting with what it means to be desirable, to be masculine, and to meet societal expectations. This exploration is messy and imperfect - exactly how many people experience sexual self-discovery.

Some people have suggested that Colin’s decision to be with two women at once might hint at demisexuality, and I think that’s an interesting perspective. It almost seems like Colin is trying to remove emotional intimacy from the equation, reflecting how disconnected he feels from his own vulnerability. But I also think that part of it is Colin’s “go big or go home” mentality. If he can be with two women at once, maybe he feels like he’s proving something to himself - or maybe trying to convince himself that he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing.

Either way, his actions may not make him particularly likeable, but they make sense given where he’s at emotionally. He’s trying to figure out who he is, and that’s a messy process.

Bridgerton as Fantasy, Not History

It’s also really important to remember that Bridgerton isn’t a historical drama - it’s a fantasy with a romanticized take on the Regency era. It mixes period aesthetics with modern storytelling, and the brothel scenes should be viewed through that lens. The show doesn’t aim for historical accuracy - it’s about creating an idealized world where love, desire, and self-discovery take center stage.

So while some might have strong feelings about the way the brothel scenes are portrayed, it’s important to understand that they’re serving the narrative rather than trying to make a statement on real-world issues like sex work. In the context of Bridgerton, they’re more about Colin’s personal journey within this heightened, fantastical world.

The Brothel Scenes and Colin’s Need for Validation

Colin is deeply insecure. Even though he’s charming and outwardly confident, he’s searching for external validation - especially from those around him (Penelope, his brothers, and society at large). The brothel scenes are a way for him to seek that validation, to prove to himself that he’s the man he thinks he’s supposed to be (he said that himself).

But the problem is that this kind of validation doesn’t lead to fulfillment. It shows how far Colin is from truly understanding what makes someone desirable - not just in the eyes of society, but to himself. These moments reflect the gap between the performance of masculinity he’s trying to live up to and the deeper, emotional connection he’s actually longing for.

Visual Storytelling and Emotional Growth

One of the things Bridgerton does so well is visual storytelling, and I think the brothel scenes are a prime example of this. They’re meant to feel dissonant - just like Colin’s own inner turmoil. By showing these awkward, forced moments, we’re able to see the contrast between where Colin is emotionally and where he will eventually get to.

The disconnection he feels in those scenes makes the eventual emotional intimacy he shares with Penelope feel that much more rewarding. It’s all about showing how far Colin has come from the man he thought he should be to the man he’s finally becoming.

The Bigger Picture: Colin and Penelope

In the end, the brothel scenes aren’t about the act of being in the brothel - they’re about Colin learning from the experience. These moments set him on a path toward understanding that real connection comes from vulnerability and emotional intimacy. That's why I think we needed both brothel scenes - one where he thinks he is achieving what he should be, then the next is him realizing it's not what he wants.

His eventual relationship with Penelope, which is built on trust, honesty, and emotional connection, will contrast with the emptiness of his earlier encounters. These scenes aren’t just filler - they’re a part of Colin’s journey to self-acceptance, and ultimately, to love.

Final Thoughts

I totally get why the brothel scenes might not work for everyone. But for me, they added a necessary layer to Colin’s story. They showed his struggles, his insecurities, and his fumbling toward a better understanding of himself. In a show that often romanticizes love and desire, those messy moments felt real and grounded. They’re an important part of Colin’s growth, and without them, his eventual connection with Penelope wouldn’t feel as earned for me.

These scenes remind us that love, desire, and self-identity are complex and can be messy - and that’s okay.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch 1. Back Into The Field

Intro: Picking up a few months on from the events of Stark Spangled Man, Katie finds herself on desk bound duty following a disciplinary for ignoring Fury’s orders. But when she’s finally released, and disaster strikes on the first mission she’s run in months, she kinda wishes she’d stayed there.

Warnings: Bad language, mentions of blood, injury, angst and a minor character death.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Katie Stark

A/N: So here we go. A relaunch of SSB thanks to my other blog being flagged. For those of you who are new, welcome! I hope you enjoy. And to all you current Stark Spangled Readers, welcome back, You might spot a few subtle differences as we go through, as things I’m not happy with have been rewritten but don’t worry, nothing will impact the mine lines in the hot mess that is Stark and Rogers.

As always, please leave your comments or send me messages, asks, anything. I love you all!

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

March 2013.

Any doctor would cry if they visited SHIELD; the caffeine and alcohol intake of pretty much every worker there would way exceed a dose construed to be healthy. Mind you, if you asked any agent whether they’d give up coffee or alcohol, they’d say alcohol in a heartbeat.

Well, most of them.

Katie couldn’t imagine surviving without an ice cold beer on a hot summer’s day, but she also didn’t function until she had her morning cup of Joe. It was a tough choice to make.

Not today though, she needed coffee. And lots of it. After ‘going rogue’ to chase the Mandarin with her brother, month’s later Fury was still pissed and as such was basically giving her the most boring thing he could think of- working through piles of mission reports to analyse and cross reference with others to pick up on common threads .To be honest, she didn’t mind it too much. After the excitement of the festive period she had welcomed a relatively quiet return to work, and didn’t particularly give a shit what Fury thought about her either.

She circling a part of the hard copy of the report she was working on with highlighter pen, before glancing back at her computer screen to cut and paste it into the Scrapbook App she used to trace trends with, letting out a groan. Who was she kidding? Desk duty sucked ass.

*****

Steve’s morning wasn’t going much better.

Whilst he wasn’t desk bound, after a particularly gruelling Ops Training session during which one of the newest kids suffered a broken nose after colliding painfully with a stray shock baton, he was almost wishing he was. Following a quick debrief, he checked his schedule on his phone and found he was free now for the rest of the day so he showered and headed up to find Katie. He found her in her office, paper in her hand as she stared at her computer screen, eyes narrowed. Steve watched her for a moment, taking in the way her nose crinkled as she read something, her bottom lip being dragged under her top teeth as she continued her work, completely unaware he was there. With a groan she dropped the notes she’d been holding to the desk and ran her hand through her dark hair.

Steve felt he was interrupting something, even though he knew he wasn’t, but he also didn’t want to appear like he’d been watching her either, which he totally had. So he gave a little cough and, as she turned round, her pretty face cracking into a smile which he returned. 

“Hey! How was training?”

“Don’t ask.” He let out a snort.

“That bad huh?”

“In a fashion.” He nodded, leaning on the door frame. “You had lunch?”

“Nope.”

“Wanna come get some?”

She nodded instantly “God yes. Can we get FroYo after?”

“Yeah but don’t let me pile it with all that crap this time!” he shot her his best playfully disapproving look as he remembered his first trip the Frozen Yoghurt stall. He had loaded his with all sorts of different things and the result had been beyond foul.

Katie gave a laugh and picked up her jacket, shrugging it on. Standing up straight, he moved to allow her to step through the door and followed her to the elevator.

“Stick to chocolate chip, mint and cookie dough.” She said, stepping into it. “Trust me.”

They strode across the foyer and into the early spring sun. Katie pulled her jacket tighter around herself as they crossed the street, shivering a little in the cool breeze.

“How are you just wearing a shirt?” she looked at Steve as he fell into step besides her, making sure he was on the side nearest the road. He noticed that she’d long since given up chiding him on this old fashioned habit after he had revealed it was something he used to do for his mom too, and Bucky’s younger sister. In fact, today, he swore he saw something that looked like a soft smile flicker on her lips when he positioned himself on her left, but as quick as he noticed it, it was gone.

“It’s not too bad.” He grinned. “I’ve been through worse.” He opened the door to the Deli for her and followed her in as they took their place in the queue. After a moment or two he became aware that she was looking at him.

“What?” he asked, turning to her exasperatedly. Katie couldn’t help but grin, she enjoyed winding the usually mild mannered man up

“I’m trying to imagine how you would look with a beard. And with shorter hair.” she mused, causing the Captain to roll his eyes.

“Not gonna happen.”

“What the hair cut or the beard?”

“Neither.”

“Spoil sport.”

“Captain America doesn’t have a beard.” he shook his head.

“No but, Steve Rogers could…”

She was impossible, but Steve couldn’t help but want to laugh. This playfulness was the thing that he enjoyed the most, how she could just treat him like any other punk she knew.

“Did anyone ever tell you you’re exhausting?” he rolled his eyes, a smirk playing on his face as she stepped forward in the queue.

“Yeah, you.” she spun round to face him, grinning “Several times. But you still come back for more.”

“Well I have the distinct impression if I didn’t you’d hunt me down anyway”

They ordered and ate their lunch, Steve filling her in on the ops drill and after Fro-Yo they made arrangements to slob out that evening at his with a film. They walked back to the Triskellion where Katie headed back to her office to continue sifting through the Mount Everest of reports she had to do. As with anything, once she got the bit between her teeth, she completely zoned out. It was only when she heard a gabble of voices all bidding each other goodbye that she looked up from her work. It was dark outside, and past six.

“Shit.” she groaned as the realisation washed over her. She was supposed to be at Steve’s for half past. She clicked to save her work whilst calling him at the same time, phone sandwiched between her cheek and shoulder.

“So…I’m running late.” She apologised the instant he answered. He chuckled.

“I thought that you said the one good thing about being confined to desk duties was that you set the hours.”

“Yeah, well I got caught up in something, but I’m leaving now. Do you want me to grab pizza on the way?”

“Sounds good, not Chicago Style though. I’m hankering for a proper piece of pie.”

“God you’re such a New Yorker.” She rolled her eyes.

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.” His voice took on a mock hurt tone and she could imagine him pouting on the other end of the phone.

“Hmmm, I’m undecided. Right, I’m leaving now. See you soon.”

“Drive safe.”

“What are you my dad?” she snorted at his stern instruction.

“Old enough to be.” he shot back.

“Touche.” she sniggered, cutting the call

*******

“Boring New York style for Mr S Rogers…” she spoke into the intercom at the main door to Steve’s apartment complex and he buzzed her in. By the time she’d climbed the stairs to his floor he was waiting, leaning on the door frame.

“Bout time.” He muttered, taking the boxes off her “Was about to send a search party.”

“Mario’s was packed.” Katie said, kicking off her sneakers and heading straight through to his kitchen to grab a beer out of his fridge without waiting for him to offer, knowing he wouldn’t. He didn’t need to. 

Steve headed into the living room, depositing the thee boxes on the coffee table before he sank onto the couch and reached straight in for one of the pepperoni slices. A few moments later Katie flopped down next to him, handing him a beer.

“What we ticking off the list tonight?” she asked.

“A Few Good Men.” he said, nodding at the TV where he had queued the movie up ready.

“Wait, did you manage to navigate that Android box all by yourself?” She looked at him and he sighed. 

“I’m not completely useless ya know.”

“Jury’s out.” she teased, curling her legs up onto the sofa next to her.

They watched the movie. Steve got most of the references within it. He chuckled in the right places, and laughed out loud when Katie was unable to stop herself uttering the immortal line You can’t handle the truth. When the credits began to roll,  Katie unfolded herself from where she had been sat and they launched into Steve’s favourite part of Movie Nights- the post film analysis.

“Who was the guy who played the colonel, Jessup?” he looked at her.

“Jack Nicholson. Amazing actor. He’s in a few on your list.”

“He was good. And I know he was supposed to be the good guy so to speak but Kaffee annoyed me a little. He was so arrogant.”

“He reminds me of Tony” Katie sniggered.

“Well, I didn’t want to say anything” Steve gave a little smirk and Katie shrugged.

“I get what you mean though. He is an ass, and it pisses me off a little the romance angle they take with him and Galloway. I mean, she’s portrayed as this strong woman, in the male dominated military woman and they still have to go there.”

“It does seem to be a tried and tested format.” Steve nodded, leaning back against the cushions on his couch “Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy wins girl over…even the movies I saw back in before I took a sub-zero nap were the same.”

“I suppose it appeals to the hopeless romantic in all of us.” Katie shrugged.

They continued to chat for a bit longer until Katie glanced at her watch, and seeing the time, decided to call it a night. Steve walked her down to her car, he always did without fail, another thing she had given up chiding him for and when he came back upstairs and got in the shower, he found himself straying back to the first time he had seen her, the minute she had stepped into the light in the boxing gym and he’d found himself looking into the greenest eyes he had ever seen in his life.

The more he stood there in the stream of hot water, thinking about her, the more he started to feel something…well…different. And he couldn’t put his finger on it. Was it that he found her attractive? Well of course he did. To be honest, he reckoned you’d have to be blind not to. And if he was totally honest, since he’d seen her the first time in that little boxing gym in New York he had noticed how pretty she was. She had the figure of the stars of his time. Hour glass waist, brunette hair, shapely ass and legs and quite large breasts considering she was so slim. But what did it for him were her eyes. Deep, sparkling emeralds that he could lose himself in quite happily. And that smile, that fucking smile that could make him stop in his tracks when she flashed it.

But it was more than just that, she was…well…just Katie.

It was strange, really, she reminded him so much of Peggy in some ways, but in others she was so different. Both were vivacious, smart, strong willed and beautiful. But where Peggy had been harsh, after a military upbringing, Katie had a softer edge to her. She was still ferocious at times, but she was a people person, and somehow knew exactly how to explain and understand what he was trying to say even when he struggled to himself. She made him feel at ease. With that in mind it wasn’t surprising they had grown so close. He could trust her and knew that she would do anything for him because she was a good person. And she made it so easy to be around, he didn’t feel a shred of awkwardness around her. 

He hadn’t thought he’d ever find himself a friend he could be as honest and open with again, one he would happily lay his life on the line for, not just out of a sense of duty but out of a sense of love and friendship.

Who you trying to kid, Rogers? 

He knew his feelings went deeper than that. All those times he’d felt irritation at other men looking at her or touching her, all those times he’d looked at her and just wanted to smile because she was just her… the fear he had felt when he had known she was off chasing the Mandarin and he wasn’t able to help…none of that was anything to do with mere friendship. 

He leaned his forehead against the tiles of the shower cubicle and groaned. He was crushing on his best friend.

He was so fucked. *******

Katie’s desk arrest didn’t last much longer. Two weeks later she was catapulted back into the field, on what was supposed to be a simple op, simple by SHIELD standards, anyway. They had a request from the Cuban government – all very hush, hush, of course –to take down a drug lord who ran a cartel SHIELD had tangled with last year.

Katie, in her role as Mission Analyst, read the files and all the intel, pulled together a briefing and delivered it, answering questions that came her way from the team and then handed over to Steve when it was his turn to take the floor. He started issuing out his orders, and informed everyone that the three newest recruits would be joining them as it would be a fairly straight forward op to ease them into.

And it had been, for the most part, until one of those new recruits, Jack Adams, had frozen mid fire fight and as a consequence he’d taken three bullets to the chest. Which shouldn’t have been an issue given the armour they all wore. But when the man failed to get up, Katie knew there was something very, very wrong.

“Adams is down!” she loudly spoke into her radio as she took aim at the hostile responsible. As soon as she was sure the round she had let off had hit her target, she broke cover to get to Adams, as she was closest to him. She skidded to the floor, pressing her hand to his chest and her other reached to his face, turning it to look at her.

“I got you, Adams, look at me.” she urged gently, her hand warm, wet and slick with the young man’s blood. Steve dropped besides her and she turned to face him.

“Armour piercing rounds.” She shook her head. “Steve, I can’t stop the bleeding.” Her tone left the Captain in no doubt as to how worried she was and he looked around frantically for help.

“Medic, NOW! We need emergency evac…”

“Stay with us, Jack.” Katie reached into her belt and retrieved a tab of morphine as he young man’s hand gripped her other whilst she administered the pain relief.

“Son, you’re gonna be fine.” Steve spoke and Adams’ horrified eyes turned to Steve. The soldier swallowed, fighting to keep his face calm. He’d seen that expression so many times on the battle field, the one that told him the man who lay injured knew he was injured beyond repair, that there was nothing to be done for him. But this was now seventy years into the future, medical science had worked so many wonders since then, they had to be able to do something, right?

“RUMLOW WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT MEDIC?” Katie screamed, her tone frantic.

“Still got hostiles on us!” Rumlow replied over the coms. “Evans has taken four down but they’re approaching from the right! We need to cover the medics in and now you’re down there…”

Steve instantly looked round before he looked back at Katie “We’ll have to take him ourselves”

She bit her lip, looking at the young man, then up to Steve again. Everything in their training told them not to move casualties, but Steve knew if they stayed here he was going to bleed out. Katie seemed to come to the same conclusion and she nodded.

“Alright. Brock, we’re coming to you. Have the medics prep the bay on the jet.. Evans, we need top cover.”

“Roger, Cap…”

“Jack, we’re gonna move you now.” Katie looked at him, her voice calm and level as besides her, Steve moved to take the injured man into a lift over his shoulder. Once he had him positioned, he gave a small jerk of his head and Katie picked up his shield in one hand, and her pistol in the other as they broke cover, sprinting across the front of the industrial yard towards the jet. In the corner of his eye, Steve spotted two hostiles moving but before he could shout a warning, Katie had fired off two shots, the thumps and lack of returning fire meaning each bullet had hit its target. Soon they were joined by Rumlow and Rollins who flanked them up the ramp where Katie dropped Steve’s shield to the floor with a clang and offered her hand back to Adams as Steve placed him gently on the stretcher.

“It’s gonna be ok.” Katie soothed him as the medics bustled around, her eyes glancing up every so often to watch what they were doing.

“Can you tell my mom I love her and, and my dad.” Adams was mumbling now and Katie shook her head.

“You can tell them yourself.” She told him fiercely. “You’ll be fine, I promise.”

“We’re locked down outside, local authorities are handling it now.” Rumlow informed Steve who had stepped back from where Katie was knelt by the injured man. “How is he?”

Steve turned to Rumlow, shaking his head sadly. “Not good. He lost a lot of blood.”

At that point Katie suddenly drew back slightly, looking at the hand held in hers, before she glanced at the medic who was sadly shaking his head. Katie’s shoulders slumped as her eyes closed, face screwing up into a pained expression and Steve pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finger as he realised that the young man had lost his final fight.

“Shit.” Rumlow muttered.

“Radio base” Steve turned to Rumlow his voice soft “Let’s get him home.”

*******

Writing mission reports wasn’t Katie’s favourite thing to do, but this one was awful. So she’d treated it like ripping off a band aid, and after a horrific night’s sleep, she’d been at the Triskelion early to get it done. As a result it was little after ten am, she was done for the day and was about to head home until she heard a familiar voice.

“Eat me…eat me…” The voice was accompanied by a bag from her favourite bakery, which was hovering in the space between the door to the office and the frame, before Clint Barton’s head poked round the side, a grin plastered on his face.

“Hey!” She beamed at her friend as he dropped a cup holder containing two coffees and the bag onto her desk before taking a seat, scooting the wheeled chair over the floor towards her.

“Heard you had a rough time of it yesterday so I brought donuts and almond croissants. And coffee.”

“Hawkeye, you are a godsend.” Katie smiled, taking a large drink and leaning back, closing her eyes.

“That the first time you’ve lost a man on a mission?” Clint asked.

“Other than Coulson.” she shrugged. “Shit, Adams was twenty-three Clint. He had his whole life ahead of him.”

Clint watched as she rubbed at her temple before reaching into the bag and pulling out an almond croissant. She couldn’t remember when she had last eaten, it must have at least been before the mission.

“How’s Cap taken it?”

“On the outside he seems okay, but I know he blames himself. Keeps saying he shouldn’t have taken him.” Katie shrugged “He’s gone with Fury to see Adams’ parents. Rather him than me.”

“This job is hard.” Clint said after a moment or two pause. “We fight to keep everyone safe, but y’know, sometimes not everyone makes it. Thing is, if we can’t find a way to deal with that, then maybe next time no one gets saved at all.”

“You mean like Collateral damage?” she snorted, shaking her head.

“No, I mean that everyone one of us that are out in the field know the risks Nova, hell last year 7 of us took on a horde of Aliens in New York. For hours we fought them, and did any of us give a second thought to our own safety? No, because that’s what we do.”

His words made sense. She knew they did, but that didn’t stop the feeling in her stomach that if she had done her research more, maybe she could have spotted something that would have told them about the armour piercing rounds.

*******

Adams’ parents already knew he was dead. Fury had the local authorities call ahead, common practice now, but still, Steve found himself sat on their couch, talking, informing them all about their son’s last moments. They hadn’t shouted, hadn’t screamed or blamed him. Instead, they’d thanked him for what he had done and for bringing him back so they could hold a proper burial.

By the time he got back to base, he was exhausted.

“Here.” Fury handed him a glass of scotch from the bottle he had pulled out of his desk. Steve took it, dropping onto one of the sofas at the side of the large office, Fury settling into the other. Steve knew the drink couldn’t get him drunk, but he liked the momentary buzz he got that lasted all of sixty seconds post sip, and the comforting burn it gave when he swallowed.

The pair of them sat in silence for a few moments before Fury sat forward, his eye fixed on Steve.

“Ever done that before, a death message?” he asked.

“Can’t say I have. Wasn’t really my job back in the day.” Steve shrugged, undoing his tie and popping the top button of his dress shirt.

“Worst part of the job. Doesn’t matter how many times you do it, never gets any easier.” Fury ran his hand over his face, and it struck Steve how tired his boss actually looked.

“Yeah, it isn’t exactly up there with my favourite thing to do.” Steve rolled his tie up and shoved it into the pocket of his old Army uniform pants.

“How’s Nova?” Fury asked.

“She’s upset.” Steve sighed “But she’s strong, she’ll be okay. I’m gonna head over and see how she is later.”

“You two spend a lot of time together outside of work.” Fury commented, innocently enough but there was something in his tone, something that was almost good natured accusation.

“Not a problem is it, Sir?” Steve asked, keeping his face straight.

“No, not at all.” Fury said “Why do you think I partnered you up in the first place? She’s a people person…”

“She’s a good friend.” Steve nodded “We get on.”

“Glad to hear it.” Fury nodded. There was another moment’s pause before he spoke again. “There’s going to be a debrief with the Secretary of Defense tomorrow.”

Steve sighed “If they’re looking to blame someone, the buck stops with me. I should never have taken the kid.”

“Bullshit.” Fury said simply “I’ve read the reports. From what they say, he just froze.”

“He wasn’t experienced enough.”

“Taking risks is part of this job. It’s a dangerous gig.” Fury held his gaze. “It was a straight forward in and out job Captain. What happened was an accident. A tragic one, but an accident none the less. From the reports, neither you nor Stark could have done any more to save his life.”

Steve shrugged, the words were kind but didn’t help him feel any better.

Three glasses of scotch later, Steve shook the director’s hand and left the office, pulling out his phone. He didn’t want to appear like he was checking up on Katie, so he pinged her a text, dressing it up like it was him who needed to see her, which wasn’t a complete lie. He did. He was craving the normality she gave him.

Can I come over? I could do with seeing a friendly face

He read it a few times, before deciding it was casual enough before he sent it. The reply was almost instantaneous.

My door is always open for you. And I made Mac and Cheese. Plenty left.

He couldn’t help but smile. One of the best things about this new life was the food, and her Mac and Cheese was frankly his favourite thing to eat on the planet.

He changed into a pair of sweats and a hoody, hastily making his way to Katie’s penthouse and the smile she gave him when he walked into her place instantly made him feel at ease.

“Hey.” she crossed the space towards him and gave him a hug which he happily melted into, a hug they both needed.

“How did it go?” she asked, pulling away.

“As well as can be expected.” He sighed as he followed her into the kitchen, dropping into the stool on the other side of the breakfast bar. “His mom broke down but they didn’t shout or yell.”

Katie flipped the lid off a beer and handed it to him. He took it, with a nod of thanks and pulled a large swig before he rest his hands on the counter, staring at the bottle.

He was brooding and blaming himself, Katie could tell, so she gently lay her hand on his, reaching over the counter.

“It wasn’t your fault Steve.” she spoke softly and he looked at her.

God, she did that all the time, knew what he was thinking. It gave him the unnerving impression that sometimes she could read his mind.

“I should have spotted that shooter.” he shook his head.

“I’m the fucking mission analyst.” she sighed. “I knew from last time those guys were packing, if I’d done more research, maybe I would have found out about the armour piercing rounds.”

“You can’t seriously blame yourself?” Steve’s frowned.

“Why not?” she shrugged sadly. She’d been over it a million times in her head that day and had come to the same conclusion every time. She should have spotted something, dug further. “I didn’t do my job.”

“Yes, you did.” he implored, his eyes locking onto hers “Your report clearly set out the layout, the learning from previous missions…Adams was just too inexperienced, I should never have taken him.”

There was a pause as the microwave pinged and Katie turned to look at it.

“You know, Clint made a good point before.” she reached in for the plate and the smell of the food made his stomach grumble again as she continued “This job, it’s hard. We fight to keep people safe but not everyone makes it back all the time…and if we can’t learn to live with that then maybe next time no one gets saved.”

“It feels like trading lives.” He took a deep breath as she placed the plate down in front of him “It’s just wrong.”

“I know.” She said, handing him some cutlery and sat down next to him.

“You eaten?” he asked, looking at her, suddenly aware she didn’t have a plate. She nodded.

“Couldn’t have waited until now, I’d have starved to death.” she said, shrugging.

“Hardly.” he replied, mouth full, instantly realising he had said the wrong thing as she narrowed her eyes at him.

“Is that a fat joke?” she asked, making him roll his eyes as he swallowed. That hadn’t been it at all, he was referring to the fact that she never actually stopped eating, despite her tiny frame she gave him a run for his money.

“No, that’s not what I meant. You’re tiny.” he said, almost choking on his food through his protests.

“So now you’re making short jokes?” She shot back. Steve looked at her, dismayed she thought he was being mean to her but then he spotted the look in her eyes and rolled his own.

“Punk.”

“Jerk” she shot back. 

It was the perfect way to escape the trauma and stress of the last few days. Once they had finished eating the two of them flopped down on her large L shape sofa, Steve’s legs extended along one side of the L shape, her legs tucked underneath her as she leaned against his shoulder. He couldn’t help but notice the smell of her shampoo…apple, he thought, along with her perfume. Her proximity was making his head buzz but he wasn’t about to move her, the contact was comforting. And it clearly was for her too as about an hour or so into the film- the first in the Lord of The Rings trilogy- he felt her head growing heavy. He glanced down and saw that her eyes were closed and, as he watched, her head slipped slightly. He shifted so that he could catch her gently, and grabbed a cushion from behind him, placing it against his leg. He manoeuvred her head so that she was lay down, gently brushing her hair off her face. She stirred slightly, snuggling down further into the cushion as he absentmindedly rubbed between her shoulder blades as her breathing grew gentle and even.

Steve stayed like that, engrossed in the film right to the end, surprisingly. He had enjoyed it. Katie hadn’t woken up, and he looked down debating whether or not to wake her or simply carry her through to her bedroom. In the end he decided to do neither, instead he reached for the remote as he sifted through to find something else to watch. He didn’t want to leave just yet, he was too comfy and too at ease. Picking one of his favourites, Casablanca, he settled down, getting himself comfy as he immersed himself in the familiar world of Rick’s Café Americain. At one point he felt his eyes growing heavy and he lay his head back, deciding to rest them for just a little while…

**** Katie was jolted awake, quite violently, and as she jerked into an upright position she saw exactly why. Steve was thrashing in his sleep, his face contorted in horror, small murmurs and whimpers slipping from his plump lips. She placed both her hands on his shoulder and shook him. Softly at first, then a bit stronger, trying to rouse him.

“Steve…” she gave him a harsher shake and his eyes flew open, wide in panic and she reached up to cup his face in her hands. “Hey, it’s okay. It was just a dream.”

Her soft voice filled Steve’s senses and, as he realised where he was and whose eyes were looking at him, he took a shaky breath and lay his head back.

Damned it, he’d fallen asleep and had a nightmare. On her sofa.

“Sorry,” he said, his voice croaky, ��I err…”

“Don’t apologise, it’s fine.” Katie shook her head gently “I’ll get you a glass of water.”

Whilst she was gone he leaned forward, swinging his legs off the couch so his feet touched the floor, wiping his clammy head with his hands, the memory still flashing through his dream.

Cold air was blasting his hair back…there was a hole in the side of the train…then a flash of light and Bucky flew straight through the hole. “BUCKY…” he yelled, grabbing onto the side of the train, the bar in one hand as he stretched to reach his friend with the other.

“Steve…” The voice was louder, but not loud enough. No, he had to get to Bucky…

But he was gone, Steve was grasping at nothing but air.

Just a dream, Katie had said. It was anything but…

She appeared back in the room with a glass of water and he thanked her as she passed it to him. He took a large gulp, swallowing and was relieved when his breathing began returning to normal.

“You ok?” she asked, kindly as her hand gently knotted into his, her concern evident.

“Yeah, just a nightmare.” he nodded softly “I’ve not had one for a while.”

“Understandable with what’s happened. Wanna tell me what it was about?”

“It was Bucky.” he swallowed thickly “I was replaying the moment he fell. The moment he plummeted to his death from that Hydra train and I didn’t save him.”

Katie stayed silent for a moment before her hand curled round Steve’s shoulder and she pulled him to her, causing him to lay his head on her shoulder. “You know it wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have done more” The guilt ate Steve up every day, that he had survived. Why had he deserved that any more than Bucky?

“How?” she said again. “How could you have done anymore?”

"I should have gone after him.” he said quietly.

“What would’ve changed if you had?” Katie asked. “There’s no way he could have survived that fall.”

“He wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me.“ He replied, "I should have gone after him, brought him home, done something.”

Katie remained quiet, her hand gently running through his hair which was nice, far too nice. He took a deep breath and sat up moving away from her touch.

"What time is it?”

“Nearly six in the morning” Katie glanced at her watch.

“You’re kidding?” Steve snorted.

“Nope. You want some coffee?” she stood up, stretching her arms above her head.

“Yeah if that’s ok.” he replied, following her to the kitchen. From her body language he could tell she was rolling her eyes, even if she wasn’t facing him.

“I don’t know if your Ma ever told you, but it’s rude to run out on a girl after you spend the night with her.”

“And as you know, I’m useless with women.” he sat down at the barstool on the breakfast bar. He watched her, but he didn’t say anything as she bustled about, throwing some bread in the toaster and then went to the fridge for the butter, marmalade and jam, sliding them onto the island. At that point Steve held his hands up.

“You don’t have to-” he started to say, but she silenced him with a glare, similar to the ones Peggy used to give him, the look that could stop him in his tracks it was that stern.

“Shut up.” she poured them both a cup of the coffee before adding milk and a spoon of sugar to each, passing one to him. The bread popped up from the toaster, and she put it on a plate before sliding it over to him and adding more bread to the machine.

His stomach rumbled and he gave in, smearing butter over his toast. He eyed the jam curiously. He’d had marmalade before but…

He looked at Katie and she nodded. “It’s good.”

So he added some, and after a bite he concluded she was right, and nodded in agreement. Once the next round of toast was done she sat next to him.

“So, when did I fall asleep.” she asked, swallowing her food.

“About an hour into the film.”

She shook her head “What an ass…”

“It wasn’t a problem.” He replied honestly as he took a bite of his breakfast. “To be honest I enjoyed it.”

“What, me drooling on your leg?”

He swallowed, his eyes wide “I meant the film.”

“I know.” she smirked.

***** Chapter 2

**Original Posting**

[aquietwritingcorner]

Sicktember Day 3: Chicken Pox/Rash Word Count: 2069 Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating: G/K Characters: Vato Falman Warning: NA Summary: Of course Falman would be the one to catch a childhood disease as an adult. Notes: AO3 || ff.net

________________________________________

Chicken Pox/Rash

Falman sighed, and idly scratched his wrist while he read the report in front of him. “—the incoming transport was loaded with supplies slated for the southwest region near Yommib. Unexpected delays occurred in the rail system at 1034. Causes were as follows—”

Falman blinked at the page. It was difficult to concentrate on it. He had been reading reports for days and memorizing them for this investigation. The non-stop reading was wearing on him, as silly as that sounded. His head was hurting, and he felt exhausted from spending all day reading these reports. Every time he stood up, his body protested by aching all over. He supposed he had spent too much time hunched over the reports. He even skipped meals, not that he had much of an appetite after reading what the criminals in question were up to. He wished he could take a day to rest, but he knew that it wasn’t possible. The stakes were too high.

He idly scratched at his chest. Did he forget to put in fabric softener last time he washed? It was possible. He had been rather caught up in that book Sheska had recommended to him.

“—Anonymous phone call received at 1025 purporting terroristic activities. Consequential investigation following received call. Mysterious substance on tracks (See report PGH#73940 for analysis). Small landslide approximately 3.5 miles down track (cause undetermined. See report IGF#2739 for further details).

Consequences of delays were as follows: 340 lbs. of meat unusable. 37 passengers missed connecting trains. Lack of support for troops at—"

Falman let out a sigh again and stood up. Breda looked up as he did.

“Goin’ somewhere?”

“I need more coffee,” Falman said.

Breda frowned at him. “You’ve been hitting the coffee hard the past few days.”

Falman nodded. “I know. But something about these reports just…wears at me.”

Breda grunted. “Yeah. I get that.”

Falman just nodded and got himself some more coffee before sitting back down and getting back to the reports.

“—Turnting. Further consequences include the delay of further trains, which had other unintended consequences (See attached report TDN#73849 for list of other related reports). A major consequence of note is the kidnapping of twelve children ranging from ages 14 to 3. This is believed to be part of a ransom and tr—”

Falman sighed, gripped his coffee, and kept reading.

By the time Falman went home, he was so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open. His brain was swimming with facts and reports, and he was looking forward to a night of sleep to help. When he got home, he blearily changed clothes, not even bothering to shower. He’d do it in the morning. He was just too tired and wanted to curl up into a long night of a dreamless sleep.

Unfortunately, Falman didn’t get his wish. It was 0249 when his phone rang. Fuery was on the other end of it sounding more awake than Falman did.

“Sorry, sir, but the colonel said its time. Rendezvous at site omega.”

“Right.” Omega. That was the one furthest from command. “ETA of… twenty minutes.”

“Understood.”

Fuery hung up, and Falman rolled out of bed. He ached and was tired and coughed. He hoped he wasn’t coming down with a cold. That would not be good. Still, he didn’t have time to think about it. Twenty minutes was cutting it close, and he didn’t have time to think of much beyond throwing on his clothes and going through all of the reports in his head. As a last-minute thought, he grabbed a canteen, filled it with water, and stuffed some peppermints in his pocket. His throat felt dry, a bit sore, and Falman figured it was just his luck.

He hurried through the dark night, making his way to the omega site as quickly as he could. His back itched as he did, and he wished he had given himself more time. Maybe he could have put on a little lotion or found a shirt that wasn’t as scratchy. He’d definitely have to remember the fabric softener next time.

He made it to the omega site within the twenty minutes he had allowed himself, although he felt more winded than usual. He carefully entered the building where he knew they had set up a watch. As he entered, he saw that, thankfully, he wasn’t the last one there. Havoc and Hawkeye were both missing, although Breda and Mustang were going over some reports. Fuery approached him, a cup of coffee in hand.

“Figured you could use it,” he said with a smile.

“Yes, definitely. Thank you,” Falman responded. He took a sip, and the warm liquid felt good on his throat.

Fuery frowned at him. “Are you alright, sir? You look a little pale.”

Falman shook his head. “I’ll be fine. I think I might be coming down with a cold.”

Fuery’s brow furrowed. “That’s not good. Are you going to be alright?”

Falman gave him a tight smile and scratched at his chest again. “I’ll be alright.”

“Falman!” Mustang called out, interrupting them. “We need your input.”

“Coming, sir!”

For the next hour, a plan was laid out. Havoc and Hawkeye returned from canvasing the area. This was the group they were after, and they had several of the children held in the facility. Mustang called in more of the men under his command. They weren’t going to take any chances with these children.

And yet Falman kept feeling worse.

He drank coffee, drank water, made his way through all of his peppermints. And yet he still felt bad. His throat was dry, he had a cough, he felt so drained, and he was itchy. What was he so itchy? It was almost unbearable. Maybe it wasn’t that he forgot fabric softener. Maybe he was allergic to something. Maybe he had developed an allergy to his fabric softener. Maybe it was something that someone before him had used, seeing as he used a public laundromat.

It was Hawkeye who finally said something, and Falman found that he was glad that she did. She kept giving him concerned looks, until she finally reached out towards him, her hand going towards his forehead.

“You don’t look good, Falman,” she said. Her brow creased. “You’ve got a fever.”

That caught the attention of the others.

“What?” Mustang said.

“It’s nothing, sirs,” Falman said, scratching at his chest and then at his wrist again. “Just a cold.”

Hawkeye didn’t seem to be buying it. Instead, her hand moved, darting out to catch his wrist. “It doesn’t seem like it to me. And you keep scratching at yourself.” She pushed his sleeve up, and then blinked. The rest of the team looked on.

“What is that?” Breda asked.

Falman looked at his arm. Little red dots, blisters of some sort, dotted his forearm. The passing of his sleeve over them caused them to itch more, and he brought his other hand over to scratch at them. Hawkeye caught it, keeping him from doing it.

“Don’t scratch,” she ordered.

“Off hand, I’d say it looks like chicken pox,” Havoc said. “Or at least it looks like chicken pox.”

“That’s a kid’s sickness,” Breda said.

“Unless you never got is as a child,” Fuery pointed out.

“Or had a light case as a child,” Riza filled in. She focused back on Falman. “Falman. Did you ever have chicken pox as a kid?”

Falman blinked at them. “I—no. No, I never did.”

Hawkeye and Mustang exchanged looks. “Take off your shirt,” Hawkeye said.

“Sir?”

“Just do it, Falman,” Mustang said. “Let’s see how bad of a case it is, and if we can confirm if it’s chicken pox.”

Falman was just miserable enough that he didn’t feel like arguing, and he did as they said. Hawkeye released him, and he pulled off his uniform jacket first, and then the shirt he wore underneath it. A collective breath was sucked in, and honestly, as he looked at his chest, he couldn’t blame them. It was covered in the same red spots. Up his chest, down it, on his shoulders, down his arms.

“Is my back just as bad?” he asked, turning around.

“Oh yeah,” Havoc said.

“Alright, first things first—is there anyone here who hasn’t had the chicken pox?” Mustang asked. There were negatives all around. Everyone else had been afflicted by the disease in childhood, it seemed.

Hawkeye looked over him, worry creasing her brow. “Sir, we probably need to get him to the hospital. Chicken pox is more dangerous in adults. It’s why a lot of parents try to expose their children when they’re young.”

Falman honestly thought the hospital didn’t sound like a bad idea. Maybe he could sleep. Although the prospect of this disease being dangerous was worrisome.

Mustang frowned, and then looked at Falman. “Do you think you can last until morning? This op can’t be delayed.”

“Yes, sir, I can,” Falman said, although he didn’t really feel like it. “Although… I’m honestly not sure if I’ll be of much help, sir. I’m sorry.”

Mustang shook his head. “You couldn’t have predicted this. You’ll stay here, assist Fuery in look out duties.”

“Yes, sir,” he said.

“In the meantime, rest until it’s time to move.”

Falman nodded, visibly glad for the opportunity to rest. “Yes, sir,” he said.

He found himself a place to rest, and discovered, quite by accident, that Hawkeye was a fairly attentive nurse. Although she was still working on the op, she made sure he had plenty of water, got some medication from somewhere, procured a blanket for him, and got him a wet rag for his forehead. He dozed off and on, his fevered mind only picking up snatches of the conversations around him. When it came time for the operation to go into action, he drug himself up, did his best help watch and relay information, although, to be honest, most of it was a blur in his mind. Now that it had been determined that he was sick, his body seemed to have given up fighting the symptoms. As soon as he could, he was sitting back down.

Falman wasn’t sure how much time had passed before Havoc was rousing him from his sleep, helping him up. He led him down to a car, where Hawkeye joined them. It was only a short trip to the hospital, where he had to wait in the waiting room, was finally looked over, a prescription for a few things were slapped in his hand, and then he was sent on his way. Havoc and Hawkeye drove him back to his place where Havoc helped to settle him in while Hawkeye did something in his apartment.

To be honest, he felt too bad to care what she was doing or about the state of his apartment.

Havoc left, and came back with some sort of lotion, which Falman wasted no time in putting on. Havoc must have felt some kind of sympathy for him, because he helped him spread it on his back as well. The lotion helped, and Falman breathed a sigh of relief as it helped to mitigate the itching, at least a bit. Laying in his bed made his back itchy again, but at least it wasn’t as bad.

Before they left, Hawkeye came in to see him, putting some medicine on his bedside table, as well as a glass of water and a canteen.

“I left some broth for you on the stove, covered up. All you’ll have to do is turn it on to eat. There’s also some soup in your fridge if you feel up to that. I took the liberty too, of setting up what you’d need for an oatmeal bath in your bathroom. I’ve been told that soaking in it helps the itching. Someone will be back to check on you tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Lieutenants,” he said. “Sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Havoc said. “It’s not like you got sick on purpose. Just rest up.”

“We’ll be back. Call if you need anything,”

“I will. Thank you.”

Falman heard them leave and relaxed as best he could in his bed.

Of course he would get sick.

Of course he would get the chicken pox as an adult.

But at least he had people who cared about him to help him through it.

[ddarker-dreams]

😃 anon here! i saw a post about readers' lack of interaction (specifically from dear-yandere who went into depth of this) and i felt rather guilty since i rarely interact with writers. ill start trying to send interaction asks daily! sorry if this bothers you, but i want to show my appreciation to your writing! firstly, amazing taste! childe is adorable (and op). fun fact: zhongli shares hisoka's eng VA!! also, zhongli is baby--this is totally an unbiased opinion, i promise. tao is just = <33

hello again 😃 anon!! i’m all for interaction, i love it lots 💖💖 luckily from what i’ve experienced so far with the genshin impact fandom, it’s very active! it’s definitely the media i write for that gets the most interaction, so don’t feel too bad about it. but still, thank you for going out of your way, i understand it can be a bit nerve-wracking! i still feel nervous when i write a comment on a story i like a lot 😭😭

childe is adorable!! i love all the different sides to him. god, i could probably write a full character analysis about him one day, but i think i’ll hold off until we see him in the story again (hopefully that won’t take multiple years...). i do remember getting an ask a while back about zhongli and hisoka sharing the same voice actor and it. made me lose my mind. BIG props to that VA, he does an excellent job! there are some voices in the english dub of genshin i’m not a fan of (xiao unfortunately being one of them), but god. zhongli is SPOT ON. his deep, rich voice always makes my heart go crazy during the character previews <333 

[evilkitten3]

#THANK YOU!!!#OP you are so right#I don’t read fanfics but I don’t like when fans stare especially in analysis that Madara fell into darkness because Izuna dies#when canon states otherwise#like sure Izuna is the most personal in his life but the guy has other motives#don’t reduce him to his love for his brother#Also your tags spot on#Izuna loved his brother immensely but his loyalty is to the clan#thank you!!#I encounter the same problem in reading analysis#I don’t see enough good takes like this in the madara tag#the problem is when you say this a few fans take it like you’re saying Madara didn’t love his brother#like no that’s not what I’m saying I know he loved him so so much#but Kishi gave enough thematic depth that has nothing to do with Izuna#Izuna as much as I love him is nothing more than a catalyst and that’s fine

izuna is one of the characters i think was handled perfectly. i have zero complaints whatsoever about him, he's done so well. the most important thing about him is that he dies, and i wish people would play around with that a little more

izuna and madara's relationship is really well done and i feel like it doesn't get the appreciation it deserves

...now that i think about it, that may be bc fandoms in general seem to view love not being enough as love not being there at all, which is disappointing.

one pet peeve of mine in founders-era fanfics is when madara's whole,,,, everything is solved by izuna just being there

like maybe this is just me, but i don't think izuna surviving or even coming around to the idea of a truce with the senju would've been enough to keep madara from the path he ended up on.

izuna wasn't the reason he left - he was definitely part of madara's issues, but he wasn't the why. even if izuna had stuck around, and even if that had been enough to keep the uchiha clan from losing their faith in madara, i think he would've still come to realize konoha wasn't what he'd hoped it would be.

best case scenario, i think izuna's survival might've caused madara to stick around a bit longer, but i don't think it would've lasted. honestly, even then, that might've just made the inevitable break-up between madara and hashirama even more agonizing (particularly for izuna)

it's a fun idea to play around with for sure, but frankly i don't think canon!madara could've ever been 'saved' from that path. certainly not if the hidden village system ended up getting set up in the same way.

[recentanimenews]

RANKING: Which Summer OP Did You Vote As Your Favorite?

  We asked, and you delivered! After a whopping 5,800+ votes, we now know which summer OP was your collective favorite. It was a runaway for the top two spots with a combined 44 percent of the votes. However, the fight for the fifth and final spot in our rankings was very close with only 30 votes separating it from the other OPs that managed to get 4 percent. With all of these stats out of the way, let’s dive in and find out which summer OP was voted number one!

  #5 - The Idaten Deities Know Only Peace - "Seija no Kōshin" by Tatsuya Kitani - 244/4 percent

    If you’re looking for an OP with some wild animation, effects, and a bop of a song, this is the choice for you, as it was for 4 percent of the vote. This is the kind of song that if you have a good sound system you can make your whole house or car rumble with how much bass is in this OP, which is a good thing. A solid choice to slide into the fifth spot.

  #4 - TSUKIMICHI -Moonlit Fantasy- - "Gamble" by syudou - 288/5 percent

    You know when you hear certain songs and even if you don’t know if it’s tied to an anime, you just know it’s a perfect OP song? This is one of those. An upbeat opening that drills into your head from the start and doesn’t relent all the way throughout. Not necessarily what you might expect from a show that’s got the subtitle of “Moonlit Fantasy” at first, but as far as OP songs go, this is a pretty good one.

  #3 - Tokyo Revengers - "Cry Baby" by Official Hige Dandism - 801/14 percent

    I was curious if we’d get any of the shows from spring showing back up again in the rankings, and it turns out we got just one. Falling one spot from last season, Tokyo Revengers shows back up with the same percentage of votes oddly enough. Despite not switching OPs, this is still a good one and it seems a good chunk of you all agree.

  #2 - Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid S - "Ai no Supreme!" by Fhána - 1177/20 percent

    Before this poll had even gone up, I had multiple people say that they thought that this would be the summer winner. Unsurprisingly, it received a 1/5th of the votes, but it fell just short of reaching the top spot. I can absolutely see why people would think it’d win though. KyoAni has a way of making fun openings that really mesh well with whichever song they choose for an OP. Along with having a multitude of melodies and fun character interactions scattered throughout, it’s hard to argue that this was one of the better OPs of the season.

  #1 - That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime - "Like Flames" by MindaRyn - 1419/24 percent

    Anytime I hear this song when watching a new episode of Slime, I always think this OP has somewhat of a retro charm to it. As if it should be a song you’d hear from a series that aired 15-20 years ago. I saw it described on Twitter as “an AMV song” and that descriptor has stuck in my head since then because it’s absolutely true. Combined with the animation of everyone getting ready to go fight, it gets you pumped up to get into the latter half of Season 2. Nearly 1/4th of you thought it was good enough for the top spot.

  Congratulations to That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime for being the big winner and the best summer OP as voted by all of you. Thank you once again for participating, because without you, we couldn’t have fun like this!

    Did your favorite make it into the top 5? Were you surprised by the results? Let us know down in the comments below!

    Jared Clemons is a writer and podcaster for Seasonal Anime Checkup and author of One Shining Moment: A Critical Analysis of Love Live! Sunshine!!. He can be found on Twitter @ragbag.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Jared Clemons

[captainjimothycarter]

She knows of her, sure. But Natasha’s never met the woman. There were horror stories about this woman in some countries. Her reputation was not something to fuck with. Natasha got her chance though. When she was her most devious. Because let’s face it—there are but a select few who are better at what she does, or is capable of. Has done. There’s even a shorter list of special people Natasha won’t touch. Peggy Carter is one of them.

 OP are you SURE you trust me with this amazing prompt? [I took it under my own interpretation, if this isn’t what you intended, I apologize.]

--

She was being followed.

Being Director of Shield – excuse me newly appointment Director, as Howard is not to let her get over that quite anytime soon, she is used to it.

She’s always being followed, rather it's by security that’s supposed to tag her at all times, even when she is home alone.

By her husband whose now, as she last checked in before he went radio silent had just landed in Quebec.

By people who want her dead.

That was nothing new.

Peggy knew she was being followed, she just couldn’t prove it. Not yet.

The person didn’t want to be found, instead, she wanted Peggy to know that she was following her. Peggy knew that the stranger knew, because why else would she allow a misstep here or there when she’s been careful beforehand?

No, she wanted her to know that she’s being watched.

Watched for what? Evaluated? Studied? Locked away in some system they had yet to crack to find a full analysis of her? The possibilities were unknown but Peggy was very much used to the near-impossible when it came to Shield and her enemies.

Fieldwork was no longer in the photo for Peggy. She had agents for that, good agents that she trusted. Yet there comes a time when she’s forced to play her hand, to make her own play in the field or she’s forced to defend herself after some diplomatic meeting has gone wrong.

And crikey, has this one gone wrong.

She knew it was a set up from the start and had warned her men, but they were preoccupied with outside forces, leaving Peggy to handle the three inside.

Two were down for the count, one dead with his own bullet through his skull, the other most likely paralyzed for life thanks to Peggy twisting his neck just enough to make him collapse. The last before her was barely standing, bloodied with pale, white eyes.

There were no words needed to be said. Peggy was tired of talking. Talking go nowhere. Actions did. She’s proven that time and time again. The final swing of the make-shift weapon that once was the leg of a chair bashed into the man’s head and dropped him to the floor like a sack of potatoes. He was dead. Just another on her list of reasons why she’s a horrible person. A necessary decision to protect others, so Peggy likes to think she did the right thing. But that’s not her judgment to make when she dies.

That’s no one to make.

Her ears are ringing, trying to recount in her head the last few events, the men in the room. She’s suffered some blood loss, her shoulder is bleeding. There’s a bullet lodged in there that’s gonna play hell to get out. Most likely she will pass out soon, her vision was already spotty.

Every agent knew when they were being followed.

There was a noise. A heavy crashing, the sound of glass shattering. Peggy whirled around and caught the wall to see the chandelier had fallen on a masked man she hadn’t seen in the room before. He had a knife in hand, no doubt poised to stab her in the back. How poetic.

Yet how had such a secure piece had fallen? The wire looked cut. Her eyes flew to the ceiling and spotted just out the window a flash of red hair. So it was her, her mysterious stalker.

Well, she should get her a thank you basket, now shouldn’t she?

--

“He’s not going to be happy about that, is he?”

Peggy doesn’t look up from the folder she’s reading, flipping the page of the report over. Her left shoulder is stinging, refusing to take any pain meds. Without looking up, she knows who it is. Her stalker. She’s somewhere in her office, meaning she was followed in here, like many times before. Meaning she wants to discuss. Not harm. Why save her if not just to harm her?

Peggy shrugged her wounded shoulder and regrets that choice.

“Possibly, but it's not his place to worry, despite how I know he will.” She’s talking about Steve or perhaps Michael, either way, she’s right. “He will get over it and I’ll heal quite fine.” Finally, she looks up to see the redhead sitting in front of her with emerald green eyes that stare right into her soul. “I should thank you for saving my life this afternoon. I hadn’t seen him come in.”

“And nor should you. He didn’t wish to be seen.” She plopped in the chair and put her feet up on Peggy’s desk, balancing on two legs. “You don’t deserve to die.”

Peggy snorted. “Some disagree.”

“Certainly, but not in that manner. No one deserves to die stabbed in the back.”

She can’t help but wonder who hurt her? Whose hurt the redhead before her? “Agreed.” A pause, they’re regarding one another. “You’re making yourself known. If I was to be dead, it would’ve been beforehand. You don’t kill people when they’re at their weakest. There’s no fun in that, so why are you here?”

Natasha smirks because she’s serious. Genuine serious. Good. She’s never met someone who could match her skill set so easily. She’s read her record, the woman was dangerous across several countries, her diplomacy within Shield is what keeps her from being locked away or killed. She’s good. Too good. “To offer you my hand.”

Peggy’s red lips twitch before she flinches as she leans back, kicking her heels off and tucking them under her chair. Even relaxed, she looks dangerous. “I’m afraid I’m already married.”

Natasha laughs. Even that sound alone would send chills down someone’s spine, but not her. She’s steady, hard as a rock. “I wouldn’t’ dare to take you from him or vise versa. No, you two keep each other stable. You’re a solid force.” She clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth and hums for a moment. “You and I both know that I am not the only one trailing you. You don’t mind this easy and that’s how you’ve survived so far. You willingly walked into a situation you knew that was dangerous. That will betray you, but how many more of those do you possess? How many more of those lucky moments do you have? A cat only has nine lives.”

Peggy is silent, watching her lean back in the chair, until it threatens to fall before she slams it back down.

“You don’t need my help but I am offering it. I know the lists of those against you. I know the people. I know the intel. The world needs a strong woman like you leading them. We cannot risk losing you. You are what stands in their way from destroying innocent lives.” She’s a killer, yes, but she has morals, every killer does when you kill for the right reason. You kill a pedophile so you save children’s lives. You kill a murderer who does this for fun to save countless lives. You kill a politician who will see his citizens will die rather than help them. She can’t say she’s for hire, but she knows a good choice when she sees it.

She won’t say protect, Peggy’s notice, and for good reason. Protection. That’s what you tell little kids at night when they have dreams. Protection. Safe. That’s an illusion she’s long lost. She is no longer safe and perhaps has never been safe, the more she uncovers of her family and its history. She’s been prepared her entire life and she’s ready to face the challenges.

Peggy’s hand curls around her tumble of bourbon and sips on it before passing it over to the redhead who drinks it down in one gulp. “This cat has a handful of lives left,” she purrs, looking at the empty glass and turning it over in her hand. “Your assistance will be most welcome. Your price, perhaps not.”

“Since when is the price ever a good one?” Natasha purred, her head cocking to the side. She won’t ask a name. She won’t remember her face. These ones are good, valuable. She sees why many want her dead. “Only one. You will be visited by the one they call the Asset. Perhaps the Winter Soldier is another name you know.” She pauses, she regards Peggy’s eyes. They’re hard. She knows him and not on good terms. “Your first instinct will be to kill him and why not? He has killed so many of your friends, your family. I ask that you do not. What Captain Rogers is to you is what he is to me. He is in no control of his actions as a puppet is on strings.” Peggy’s head barely nods. She understands. Out of everyone, she would.

“We will keep him safe,” Peggy muses, picking her head up to meet those eyes. “I can promise you that. Everyone should be in control of their own actions. This does not leave the room beyond my husband.”

“As expected. He will need to be with you to subdue him. You’ll find out behind the man is a familiar face.” Standing up, Natasha regards the woman called Director Carter before that, Agent Carter, and before that, just Marge. Now she’s a force of nature that no one knows any bounds to stop. Everything will be destroyed in her wreckage to shape the future she wishes to have, regardless of who wants it or not.

Peggy Carter is a dangerous woman and Natasha intends to keep it that way.

[dykeceit]

janus' playlist not-really-analysis just me screaming

so first of all this whole playlist absolutely SLAPS, its the first side playlist that's just my taste and it doesnt surprise me that it's janus' bc of course it is i am absolutely 100% more attracted to him now somehow,

im absolutely not okay and this isn't gonna be articulate in any way but i. have to.

1. black hole sun

???hes sad?? apparently its about depression with some sexy snake metaphors....maybe hes just sad in general or he misses virgil. also postmodern jukebox hell yeah

2. it seemed the better way

this feels like it could be about patton or like thinking one thing and then realizing its not true ig could be that w society in general or people...him developing his trust issues possibly "i better hold my tongue, i better take my place" or like oh the other sides hate me ig ill be a villain then...

3. anywhere

janus sanders says fuck capitalism!

4. talking at the same time

eat the rich,,,virgil left me:(

5. all the good girls go to hell

he's needed and the others are starting to realize it. hes quite smug abt it "my turn to ignore ya, don't say i didn't warn ya" damn right boy

6. denial

he blasted this song after svs while crying "please don't turn the light out, i don't think the conversation's over" he had to wait almost a year but he finally got to continue that conversation,, "i know where you'd wanna go, oh i do, but do you?"

7. trust in me

i mean yeah sexxy snake moment right here

8. razzle dazzle

so obviously its just his aesthetic tm but the lyrics...are the jabs at roman or himself, perhaps both? i never took him to be very insecure but that's a possibility

9. when the chips are down

basically his speech about society in svs and how he doesn't want thomas to be disadvantaged in it

10. mandy goes to med school

uhhh yeah who knows there's a bit of a i know what im doing jk vibe going on and Doing Harm but the thing itself is necessary to Have yknow right to abortions its just theyre not legal so hes doing them illegally and apparently two ppl died from them so not great,,"my partner brian" at the end made me think of remus tbh "hes a nice man, thoroughly reliable, he's in a rock band" kinda gives off the vibe of eh yeah hes totally reliable lmao dw tho, so basically what im taking from this is dukeceit is canon thanks for coming to my ted talk

11. i put a spell on you

i mean its definetely his Vibes but idk if its @ anyone specifically...could be virgil, could be roman, maybe thomas himself...its a vengeful kinda song, hes like fuck you you're listening to me now im done you treating me like shit

12. evil night together

so aside from this being an extremely hot song its def dukeceit vibes as in they'd both like it but the hero part as others have pointed out is giving out major roceit vibes and thomas and co know this those bastards

13. cabaret: don't tell mama

im assuming this is more of a..this is what he likes to listen to plus its about secrecy which is his thing but i guess "mama" could be someone in particular as well, and/or he could be singing it to someone in particular...

14. you're a cad

bruh. first of i loved this song already secondly iM SORRY THOMAS WHAT ARE YOY IMPLYING HERE like first i was like this isn't abt Him right that wouldn't make sense so is it about...virgil...well ofc it is bruh what the fuck bro....im loving this bc its casting virgil in an unsympathetic light and i love that shit but also its revealing janus still Feels quite a lot for him and idk how to feel abt this i. the part of me that still loves anxceit is screaming and the part of me that hates virgil is also screaming they haven't stopped for a minute-

15. as far as i can see

so dukeceit vibes possibly virgil reference since he "went down the staircase" to his spot,,so basically he and remus maybe virgil and orange too like pushing ppl down the stairs bc they feel unheard

16. criminal

this is where the angst train rly starts choo choo....so. who is he singing about here. my god i want it to be roman so bad but it Could be virgil...which would imply he thinks he's wronged him somehow which would mean virgil has a more valid reason to dislike him and I Don't Like That. but whoever hes singing about is clearly important to him... "he's all i knew of love" bro....that's just screaming virgil right i dont like it op...basically he feels guilty for smth and to be "redeemed". he clearly doesn't need redemption from his canon actions so far, and he hasn't acted like he regrets any of them, which is making me think its abt smth in his past buut maybe he does feel bad for manipulating roman now bc he realized how hurt roman was and thats what i wanna believe it's about ok roceit rights except roman youre a bitch apologise

17. change

this made me fucking lose it bro im still losing it ive lost it. he's not okay and neither am i....bro i didnt think he'd be so....insecure but....i mean all of them seem to be so...but yeah this song is very,,,i have trust issues and im learning to love again vibes and i am crying while my wig is being ripped cruelly from my head....i choose to interpret this as less like ive been bad uwu i can change and be good now and more as ive been too afraid to care bc im so aware of the harm it can do to me but i realized its worth it so im trying now....and i think that's beautiful

18. devil in the details

hes telling thomas to Just Do It. he "made amends in the general sense" but "the devil's in the details" and he "knows the cause" and "wants to stop" but he "just can't do it". this seems kinda like more virgil angsty times for me or maybe the cause is just him being...him and just being well i cant stop being my function so...but he sees it as The Reason theres still animosity even if hes "made amends".

19. come little children

first i was like bruh its a bop but y is it here. but the lyrics are basically repeating how horrible the world is, "murdering beauty and passion", and the singer doesnt have to be killing or kidnapping the kids maybe its just a friendly fae helping some abused kids yknow you never know...basically fae!janus confirmed i know you have connections with them thomas i know you do

20. into the unknown

i like that this is short it kinda feels like hes coming to say okay im done bye after this whole musical that is his playlist. i am ashamed to say im not familiar w the plot of over the garden wall but someone said smth abt killing kids. well yknow how it is sometimes...but yeah very sexy, very fae, i will stan forever etc.

[krakensdottir]

And you got it spot-on! I don’t doubt that is how Aziraphale sees it. And I admit, I projected a bit of my own experience, because I am that asshole that always turns out to be right (and yes, I had to make colossal cringeworthy mistakes to get there) and people get mad at me for it and all I can think is, ‘Well you are free to STOP BEING WRONG.’ Which is harsh, and not really helpful, but yeah, that’s how frustrating it feels.

But I’ve been on Aziraphale’s side, too. And yeah - looking back, that was how it felt. I was tired of always being corrected. I didn’t want to have to adjust my view. And ultimately, I did have to overcome that on my own. And I have faith that Aziraphale will. I believe in this fluffy-headed bean with all of my heart. He’s being very frustrating right now, and he’s going to get hurt by it, but he’ll turn it around. He’ll get it right when it matters.

(Seriously this conversation is such a delicate line to walk with meta, expressing ANY opinion on it is a risk lol. But I love the analysis and I thank you very much for clarifying, OP. I hope I didn’t feel antagonistic and if so, I apologize.)

on aziraphale's insecurities in S2

i'm pretty sure one of the lines in the end scene where crowley shoots himself in the foot the most is "i think i understand a whole lot better than you do," and i don't even think he realizes how badly aziraphale takes it.

it's just a fact to him: he knows better than aziraphale what heaven is like. it's also a fact to the audience, who knows that the metatron is doing this for bad reasons and that aziraphale is walking into a trap. but it's not a fact to aziraphale. and that's the moment aziraphale goes from panicky and anxious to angry.

aziraphale's self-doubts and anxieties concerning his identity as an angel are shown frequently in s2. we start 2x01 with him deeply insecure in his 'retirement': crowley mentions that aziraphale frequently calls him to "tell him about something clever he did," and aziraphale confirms that he is essentially using these conversations as a stand-in for reporting to heaven. he misses being on The Good Team and doesn't know what to do with himself now that he's not.

so aziraphale doesn't know who he is if he's not an angel, but he also knows that he's a bad angel. he was frequently mocked and condescended to in heaven (by seemingly everyone, not just the archangels; even the quartermaster in s1 called him pathetic). he lied to heaven, he lied to god, he enjoys earthly pleasures, he loves works with a demon, and he doubts the Plan. he never fit in with them. lonely, remember?

and later in the season, we learn that shax, for all that she apparently is not great with sarcasm, is remarkably perceptive when picking up on insecurities. she mocks aziraphale twice, first in the car for his relationship with crowley (which, interestingly, doesn't faze him a bit--remember the eyebrow? he's not at all insecure in his knowledge that crowley loves him. crowley has always been the thing he's most sure of, even very early on--look at how much faith he has in him with job.) the second time she hits much harder: "crowley's emotional support angel," "shall we send in the sushi?" "the softest touch" etc. it hurts him, you can see it.

and there's another tiny moment in 2x05 I don't think I've ever seen anyone talk about, where crowley has just bluffed to the demon horde and is trying to get all the humans together to leave. crowley says, "I won't leave you on your own," and aziraphale says, "I know. But I have a suggestion--" and crowley brushes him off, saying "I got this." aziraphale looks very frustrated by this exchange, which--yeah! fair!

and over and over, we just--we see crowley be right. right about job and god, right about elspeth, right about the magic trick, the nazis, the arrangement, the apocalypse. "you were right, you were right, i was wrong, you were right." crowley's never done the dance before, he says. how many times has aziraphale had to?

and crowley's not just right, he's confident in it! he moves through the world and makes choices that fly in the face of everything aziraphale knows about Good and Evil, and it seems to come so easily to him. he's loud, and he's brave, and he's full of conviction, and aziraphale often feels overshadowed by that surety, because he's so often full of doubt. "you sound jealous, angel," is what crowley says at job's mansion, and i think he's more right than he knows.

all this to say: when crowley says "I think I understand a whole lot better than you do," what aziraphale hears is you idiot and how can somebody as clever as you be so stupid and I was right, I was right, you were wrong, I was right. and he's fucking sick of it.

and so he doubles down, and he gets in the stupid elevator, and he makes the worst mistake of his life, because he's sick of being treated as heaven's lackey or crowley's sidekick. the metatron knew exactly what to say to get him there, and crowley had no idea he was playing directly into it.

[its-a-branwen-thing]

On Qrow: Part II

Back at it again with the white vans an over-analysis of one of my faves! In my last post on Qrow, I focused a lot on how legacies play into his character. How he’s slowly becoming a character who can leave a legacy, but that the journey there is still ongoing. And it always is.

Disclosure, as always, this is all pure speculation, enhanced by my personal opinions, and for fun! :)

Legacies play into all of these characters. RWBY is about stories. Especially in regards to our heroes: specifically Ruby, Yang, Oscar, Juane, and Ren. All of them have character legacies that inform who they are today. Summer, Raven, Ozma, Pyrrha, Li Ren. These are all characters that we know had/have their own motivations, destiny, and ideals--and those echo through the narrative in such grand ways.

Mementos are a big part of these characters’ stories. While not all of these are explicitly physical items that serve as reminders, there are stories behind these shots and the objects or focus of them. Ren killing the Nuckelavee with his father’s dagger, Ruby’s mother and their shared silver eyes.

That’s why taking a look at a particular spot in V4 sparked a new idea:

Qrow is also a part of legacies. But this is one he was upholding. In V6 we saw his realization that his own followed legacy was in jeopardy--the one thing he’d staked his life on--and that continues to inform his faith in his nieces and the younger generation going forward. Because it isn’t Oz’s path he’s following, but theirs. Even if it is is hard letting them go it alone.

Qrow chooses his path at the end of V6, and it’s to help uplift this new generation, so that they can create their own stories in honor of or in spite of the ones that were left for them. It’s subtle, but it illustrates that Qrow’s growth has been in doing the things he believes is right, which is why he cautions James on so many of his decisions, why he seems to hang back, to lash out less, why he seems...well, softer. He’s not drunk, for one. And two he’s not as worried for his proteges. They’re taking fine enough care of themselves. Which is why the emphasis on his connection to Clover is so fundamentally important. Because if I look at it from a storytelling standpoint, we see these two characters express very similar ideals with completely different views of how to follow them. But it’s the story Clover has, the one where he’s a beloved leader and soldier, that impacts Qrow’s future the most.

It’s also between them that we witness one of the most brutal death scenes in RWBY.

My knee-jerk reaction to this scene was that it was the beginning of the Scarecrow “losing his mind”, so to speak, because it has been the pattern of the Oz generals to fall by the thing they were seeking in their allusions. But every time I followed this thought I couldn’t realize why it felt so wrong to me. I thought for a bit that Qrow might turn, the he might really and truly go crazy, but I honestly can’t see it. Why? Because if I’m reading Clover’s character right, we see that the fundamental differences between him and Qtow are what the story’s been pointing to all along: one is part of a legacy he never questioned, while the other has no tethers to his old legacies. Qrow’s placing his faith, quite certainly, on the future. (Also, if you wanted to make a point about the cruelty of reality, you could do it elsewhere. RWBY hasn’t really been that kind of show). And what really hit me as an important factor in this is the final shot of Qrow:

He isn’t angry. He isn’t gunning immediately for Ironwood. He looks heartbroken. He looks as he has all season--quiet, but in control.

He’s also holding onto...that’s right, a memento.

Yeah, back to talking about mementos, I am.

In seeing what was said about their relationship by the writers (communication not being 1:1 with writing/animating--also, again, not looking to discuss the implications of that at the moment, I understand and sympathize), I think I’m beginning to see some of Clover’s decisions, as they’re written, in a completely new light.

He’s cocky. He’s proud. But he’s a good guy. He encourages Qrow. He obviously likes him as a person. And this whole season we’re rooting for them to be good partners why’d you sneak in all that sexual tension though, yo, in whatever way that is. But then it’s made clear that Clover and Qrow both prioritize entirely different things until E12 when Qrow nods to Tyrian and...you know what I won’t even....no, I’m not even gonna poke that. The same different things that ultimately split team RWBY and the Ace Ops up. It’s even in their fights. If Qrow is the “Clover” to RWBY, Clover is the “Qrow” to the Ace Ops. Both the oldest and wisest of the de facto teams. Those fights are set up like that for a reason. Even them sharing shifting focus in E12 is significant. And RWBY wins because the Ace Ops don’t “care” about each other as they do, that’s the whole point that I can see. And so Clover shares his teams’ fate...but, like, way worse.

Clover knows when his orders seem harsh but he doesn’t question them. He’s never been shown to do so. He hesitates, sure, but so does Marrow. And unlike Marrow, Clover isn’t a new addition. He’s older. He’s their leader. It’s his charge they’ll follow. He’s not a character easily changed. We knew who he was the moment he swung in to arrest our heroes.

(Side note: I used to think this was a conspiratorial look that they were planning something. But I think now what I see is Clover noticing and then ultimately ignoring Qrow’s concern. His look hardens back to Ironwood with what I can now see as resolve. It’s why Qrow looks down. It’s almost like he’s hurt.)

So when we encounter this duo in the tundra, after their plane crash, and we see Clover’s character attempt to negotiate with Qrow, we see Qrow’s resolve harden. He isn’t going to follow Ironwood’s orders. He finds them wrong. But Clover is Ironwood’s right hand, he can’t listen to any personal feelings he may have, as Qrow and Robyn do. He even parallels Marrow in his conversations with Robyn, in that they both advise her to follow the law on two separate instances, and she makes it abundantly obvious that she thinks the law is rubbish. But Clover is the law. He’s supposed to uphold that trust. Because he’s entirely loyal. He’s a good person upholding a man he trusts. We don’t know his history, but I assume as the elite of the elite he earned his position. He spent years earning Ironwood’s trust (as Winter says--”You can’t buy loyalty you have to earn it”). And he isn’t a disingenuous character with sneaky ulterior motives. He’s how he’s presented. Point blank, heart presumably on his sleeve. I thought he’d turncoat to join our heroes, but now I see why he didn’t. (Then again, not having all the information is...testy)

Which is why this hits so damn hard.

“Sometimes the right decision is the hardest to make. I trust James with my life! I wanted to trust you.”

I wish I could emphasize that last line more. Clover is making an extraordinarily hard choice. He’s choosing loyalty to Ironwood over his partnership and relationship with Qrow. Because he trusts Ironwood more. This isn’t a character failing, it’s just tragic.

And with that last line I think he feels that Qrow betrayed Ironwood as well and, by effect, him. Because if Qrow had just listened to Ironwood’s plan and given himself up, none of this would have happened. But now that Qrow’s gone rouge, so to speak, he has to see him as an enemy. He has to use tactics to lure him to cooperate. Clover wanted to trust Qrow too. And at the end, like a lot of other trusting partnerships this volume, it ended in a loss of that trust. Also Qrow breaking Clover’s aura after the Ace Op has Tyrian on the ropes is SO. GODDAMN. PAINFUL. And when Qrow sees that Clover’s willing to follow these orders, he probably thinks he’ll follow any, and likely why he sees this as a betrayal. Because he’s used to that which i will discuss next time thank you.

What makes this scene so poignant, what makes me realize Qrow’s next arc is going to tie into what Clover left for him, is because Qrow likely understands exactly what Clover was going through. Once upon a time he defended Oz. He ran Oz’s missions. He put those priorities first. He bet his life on this fight. And in the end he didn’t even know the truth of what he was fighting for. Oz lied to him (Yes, I understand why). Meanwhile this whole season has been built on the prospect of lies. Qrow knows the cost of blind trust. He’s trying to tell Clover to listen to his conscience, not silence it. He’s trying to tell him to do the right thing.

And at the end, Clover seems to do just that by telling him, infuriatingly, “good luck.” Not just in the broader sense, although what an absolute madlad. But in the sense that he understands why Qrow chose that path. Why Qrow made that decision to refuse arrest although I’d be hella pissed about him teaming up with Tyrian! tho Why you done did me like that, bruh?!.

Clover’s telling him, really, to do what Qrow thinks is right. It’s the final note of evidence for my theory. Clover’s spent this season prepping Qrow to have faith in himself, and now it’s Qrow’s turn to realize that potential. It’s a blessing, really, that he gives him. To finish what he started.

And Qrow clearly keeps Clover’s charm. Because he’s carrying on Clover’s legacy too, and the mistakes that may have been made along the way. He has to remedy them. And this isn’t the only instance of a “baton pass” between these two. If Qrow is in search of a new legacy (which, truth be told, might involve bringing Ironwood down), then he needs a new team to do it with. And, as it’s been stated countless times by this show, he isn’t the waste of space he say he is and it is a damn shame he doesn’t have a new team yet.

Which brings me to my final desperate reach point.

“What would you guys do without me?”

[aboyandhisstarship]

and old idea now in progress

this is a story i’ve had bouncing around for a while, and now the first part is coming. 

here we go:

Gwen woke up in her motel room in the shitty county…honestly she was a techy, Intelligence and analysis so she figured she would never have to leave the office, but nope Agent Johnson needed someone with her skills in the field and here she was, she poured herself a cup of coffee, before thinking she should probably meet up with Agent Johnson …Scott she corrected herself with a shake of her head as she pushed open her room door.

What happened next was not something she would ever forget; as she swung the door opened a lynched body moved with the motion leading in front of the FBI agent who jumped dropping her coffee. The face was burned and bloody with a black cross tattooed on his forehead…the same Tat they make the new cultists wear, but Gwen recognized the puff of blond hair, and said quietly “Agent Johnson ?” before turning around and vomiting hard.

Gwen cleaned herself up before coming to the logical conclusion “if they knew about him…they knew about me.”

She grabbed her gun with shaky hands and a sat phone and made a break for it.

Clearing an hour later:

Gwen sank against a tree still dressed in her pajamas a gun in one hand and a phone in another, she took a deep breath pressing the redial button and a voice answered “director Philips.”

Gwen took a deep breath saying “sir…it’s agent Santos…” and then started to freak out “they killed him! They lynched him! Tortured him, FUCCCCKKKKK”

The director said quickly “slow down Agent…who…are you ok?”

Gwen answered in a half shout “Agent Johnson…oh god they killed him…sir it was brutal…every time I close my eyes.”

Philips sighed “ok Agent stay calm…are you ok?”

Gwen nodded “uhh yes sir…I’m still in my pajamas…they left the body on my door step I grabbed my gun and my phone and bolted.”

Philips nodded “Agent stand by…these guys are well armed…but we can get the National Guard out there and shut them down.”

Gwen yelled “SIR YOU CAN’T!”

Philips asked “why not agent…?”

Gwen sighed “sir…Agent Johnson had my look over some Intel some locals got…it is nothing confirmed…but the cult may have smuggled in nuclear weapons.”

Philips paused before saying “Agent… get somewhere safe…we will be in touch.”

The Director hung up his phone saying “Get me the Pentagon!”

 Safe house:

Gwen supposed the word House was subjective…it was a spot her and Scott used to monitor Cult activity…no one knows about it but them, and if the cult did they would have destroyed it already…so she felt mostly safe. She had food, real clothes (Jeans, a shirt and her FBI jacket) and her bosses were getting back to her soon…hopefully with an escape plan.

Then as if on cue her phone beeped and she answered shakily “Agent Santos…”

A Voice answered “Agent Santos…My name is General Casey.”

Gwen blinked “General…”

Casey spoke simply “Agent…help is coming four of our finest will be coming in VIA parachute to assist you and any other assets in the region…this is your Mission so just point them in the right direction.”

Gwen said “Sir…I’m barely a field agent surely there is someone else for this…”

Casey answered “you have your ear to the ground Agent… these men are pro’s trust them…”

Gwen nodded “ok sir…”

Casey finished “by the way no Names Agent…the leader is a red head…call him Nomad.”

And with that Casey hung up as Gwen cruelled into a ball and cried.

 Safe house 2 hours later:

Gwen was mumbling “I have an ear to the ground…really! This Is nuts…and who on earth are they sending! No names! That can’t be good…”

She sighed “just stay cool…these guys are pros…whoever they are.”

Just then she heard a thump, followed by 3 more thumps. Gwen grabbed her gun taking a deep breath as a voice knocked on the door saying “Agent Santos?...it’s Nomad.”

Gwen lowered her gun carefully and opened the door ready to fire, what she saw was a red head about her age dressed in black, with a black hat covering his hair, he was armed with a suppressed Assault rifle and a pistol strapped to his leg, the rest of his team were dressed similarly, there was girl with a blond hair, another blond man, and burley man in the back.

Nomad smiled at her gently saying “Cool Breeze, Redcap…burry the chutes, Dirt diver your on watch.”  

Gwen nodded gesturing into the odd Bunker with the Solider behind her. Gwen tried to stay calm as she briefed “This morning I found my boss Agent Johnson…dead…the cult offed him.”

Nomad reached out gently “Agent Santos…”

Gwen said simply “call me Gwen…Nomad.”

Nomad smiled “Ok Gwen…this is hard for you…your file says you are rather new to the agency, that is part of the reason why my team were brought in so quickly. We are here to help you, but we need to know everything you do.”

Gwen sighed “right…the cult is built more like a militia…they own the entire county and have it divided into four regions one is central and where that snake Daniel is…the other 3 are run by his ministers…”

David smiled gently as Gwen explained “Agent Johnson and I referred to them simply as A,B,C the cult has some name for them…but I’d rather call them A, B,C…A is run by a punk by the name of Pike man…he was military, no idea what happened to him…but he ended up here and runs the cult training center…and they train hard. there forces are an army in every sense of the term it is nuts…B is run by an Ex Con known on the streets as dirty Kevin…he is the reason the bureau got interested in the cult to start with…we think the cult and Dirty Kevin are using his drug connections to produce and ship massive amounts of a designer drug called Haze… Haze maybe how the cult is funding there other…areas, Area C is the intro area it’s there where new cultists and brainwashed and assigned there new jobs…the region is run by Daniel wife… a woman named Jen…I have next to nothing on her…so there you go that’s the run down…”

Nomad touched her arm gently saying “thank you…our briefing mentioned a group of locals, resistance fighter’s types?”

Gwen nodded “Sleepy Peak county fireballs…local bowling league before all this… the leader is an old tough guy type…I think he was a marine.”

Nomad rolled his eyes “figures”

Gwen chuckled as she kept going “they got guns and the motives to fight the cult…and have and do…me and Agent Johnson made contact…Quartermaster likes me…I think.”

Nomad nodded “right then Gwen…just remember we are not here…that means the locals did everything understood?”

Gwen nodded “right…”

Nomad smiled “we should make contact and start coordinate…”

Gwen asked gently “I can do that…but you sure you want to go dressed like that.”

David blushed asking “do you another option?”

Gwen pointed to the back as the rest of his team chuckled amused.

David came out wearing a pair of jeans and a red plaid shirt he concealed his pistol under his shirt, he shoved his hat into his pocket asking “shall we?”

Gwen nodded stunned honestly he looked cute…enough she could almost forget he was a trained killer who was here to literally destroy an entire cult.

The pair left the safe house climbing into a jeep with David driving who said calmly “Gwen…if anyone asks my name is Michael…I was camping and came down and stumbled into you in the woods…you then filled me in on everything.”

Gwen frowned testing the name “Michael…is that your name?”

David chuckled lightly “do I look like a Michael?”

Gwen paused before conceding “No you do not…then what do you look like?”

David shot her a wink “Nomad…”

Gwen rolled her eyes “I should have seen that coming…well your entire team has cool call signs…do I get one?”  She half joked.

David kept driving asking gently “do you want one Ma’am?”

Gwen was rocked back into her new position she mumbled “right my op…uhhh do you think it is wise…Nomad?”

David slowed down slightly looking at her directly “Honestly Gwen…You don’t need to worry about our coms being tapped…and they likely already know about you…but if it makes more comfortable than absolutely.”

Gwen nodded “can I get back to you on this Nomad?”

David nodded “anytime…alright we are here…Sleepy peak…the town of.”

The jeep pulled over into the small town some locals looked at him with looks of vague fear before seeing Gwen and there expression’s turning into relief, Gwen sighed “QM should be in the local bar…come on, Nom…Michael.” She corrected herself.

David fired her a smile “relax…the others are nearby…if things get hot they will be able to back us up.”

Bar:

David walked in and made contact with the man known as Quarter master, he was older and had a hook for a hand as he drank a beer; he took one look at David and said casually “Let me guess, Force recon, no Seal.”  Opening and offering David and Gwen a Beer

David sat next to him declining the beer “No comment.”

Gwen accepted and chugged the beer nervously as Quartermaster grumbled “figures, damn operator’s, let me guess officially you’re not even here?”

David nodded “yep that’s the op.”

Quartermaster grinned evilly “Yea sounds good…so what are you called?”

David reached out to his hand “Nomad.”

Quartermaster didn’t accept the hand saying “Quartermaster.”

Gwen sighed “you made me come up with a whole story only to not even use it!?”

David shrugged “Quartermaster knows the deal…”

Quartermaster grunted “is what it is.”

David asked “so what are we looking at.”

Quarter master pushed over a file “this is who we have been trying to get at for months now and we finally have an opening.” As he took a big beer sip

David read the name “Sasha Monty…Who is she.”

Quartermaster grumbled “rich Prick of a girl.”

Gwen cut in “Sasha monty, real live daddy’s girl from California, or at least that’s what everyone figured until one day she killed her parents, burned down her boarding school and disappeared off the grid. About four months later the DEA got a tip that she was dealing cookies laced with Meth, disguised as flower scout cookies.”  

David blinked “are you kidding me? That’s a 180”

Quartermaster grumbled “they were not even good cookies.”

Gwen nodded “yep…Well naturally the DEA tried to grab her in Texas, but after a firefight she escaped to Mexico where she met Dirty Kevin…who showed her the light…now we think she is a big name in the cult smuggling operation.”

David said “so she is smuggling Haze?”

Gwen shrugged “that is what the Intel suggests.”

David sighed “alright...what do you need us to do.”

Gwen pulled up her laptop typing quickly before saying “the cult owns a rail company, about 40 miles due west of here… destroy the haze before it leaves and when Sasha comes to investigate….Take her alive if possible.”  Gwen said hesitantly

David nodded “A stockpile like that is bound to be guarded.” Addressing both Quartermaster and Gwen

Quartermaster shrugged “armed goons, likely Ak’s…”

David asked “Level of force against the guards Gwen?”

Gwen breathed deeply before saying “Nomad…I leave it to your judgement…just bring me Sasha.”

David stood up “Yes ma’am…take the Jeep back to the RV…my team and I will secure our own way.”

And with that David walked out saying “you guys hear that?”

Jasper responded “roger Nomad…we heard…we got a ride and your equipment…meet on the edge of town.”

 Tree line:

David adjusted his Jeep hat as he whispered “redcap report.”

Tabii looked up from her drone control saying “the place is woefully under guarded nomad…I see four guards AK…there half asleep.”

David nodded “dirt Diver.”

Nurf nodded “charges are ready.”

David lifted his rifle “pick your targets on my count.”

David turned his hat to face backwards as he looked down his scope picking his target “ready?”

The team all answered “yes.”

David said simply “on my count, 3,2,1, execute execute execute.”

4 suppressed gun shots later the guards dropped dead.

David moved to his feet advancing towards the depot as his team quickly swept the building before he nodded “clear…dirt diver…let’s do it.”

30 minutes later:

David hid it the shadows as Sasha drove up yelling “what in the actual fuck did you idoits do!”

David slowly pulled out his pistol as Sasha threw open the door to the burned out drug stash where David hid “where are you morons jeez.”

She was answered by David grabbing her pressing a gun to her head, she yelled “it’s me idoits.”

David answered “trust me I know.”

Sasha said “who the hell are you?”

David forced her to move “I’m your uncle Sam and we need to have a conversation.”

Sasha said fought but was forced into the trunk of a car and taken to the safe house

Safe house:

David pushed her into the small building forcing her into a small chair he aimed at her, if she made a move he would shoot her.

Gwen entered glaring “hello Sasha.”

Sasha tilted her head “Awww the FBI Hoe.”

Gwen sighed “really Hoe…that’s the best you come up with?”

Sasha scoffed “I thought we run you out when we killed that other agent…what was name.”

David could tell Gwen was getting angry as he said calmly “Gwen…”

Gwen nodded “Nomad…I got this.”

Sasha demanded “who the fuck is Nomad!?”

Gwen paused before saying “that is a fun question to answer, you see your cult buddies did something stupid…very stupid.”

Sasha shook her head “…these guys are not Swat…”

Gwen smiled evilly “oh no, they are some of this great country’s finest Special forces, and they have a single mission here…fucking up the cults day.”

Sasha looked over at David who firing her small wave with the hand he was not holding his sidearm with, Sasha sighed “killing one agent…is not worth this response.”

Gwen nodded “your right…do you know what this is?”  Plunking a picture on the table

Sasha looked before shrugging “no clue.”

Gwen said coolly “it’s a warhead, a nuclear warhead that was stolen 3 months ago…and recently popped back on our grid…can you guess where?”

Gwen didn’t wait for Sasha to answer saying “you are all a threat to national security…more than a threat really…so if you want to live you are going to start talking.”

Sasha held up her hands “I don’t know anything about any nukes…If anyone did that…it was Daniel.”

Gwen narrowed her eyes “what can you tell us?”

Sasha said “Dirty Kevin…I know where his lab is…”

[nosolaceofastraightanswer]

i do not think i’m better but i fucking love analysis soooo (edit i’m done and i Do Not Think it makes sense but i am posting anyway cus YOLO)

do i know what i’m talking about? probably not. i’m fucking tired rn. i should be Asleep. my apologies to op if you choose to read this XD i am not sure if it makes any sense at all. i may have just bullshitted through with no rhyme or reason. anyway sleepytime gn.

i guess i’m talking semi meta rn, so i can talk about how the events shown in the show relate not really to the characters feelings about them and the significance they have to the characters, but instead to the themes of facades in show.

five is shown running away, but the jennifer incident isn’t. we see the kids getting ready for a mission but never training for one.

i think this is because the whole crux of ESPECIALLY s1e1 (the best imo) is learning about all of these facades that have been put up in this family. facades vs truth. as we explore through the first episode, we learn more about the house. something isn’t right. mothers are supposed to be human. kids can’t teleport or use mind control. chimpanzees don’t talk. children care when their father dies. on and on. and we go through the whole season like this, facades dropping.

viktor thinks he’s ordinary, but he’s not. luther thinks he’s doing the right thing and so is reginald, but he’s not. five thinks he’s getting closer to stopping the apocalypse, but he’s not, etc. this is happens for all of the characters.

and while having twists and secrets are a benchmark to make a plot interesting, the umbrella academy uses these themes very purposefully. family secrets are not a new theme, but the hargreeves take it to a whole nother level.

the whole time the umbrella academy is active, a million masks and facades are being put up. i do have to wonder what “the public” thought when number five disappeared, when number six died, when seven was revealed (567 icons).

these people were watching this children risk their lives and perform horrific stunts. the facade was of this confident team of superhumans- but all it is is a facade.

their family secret is that things aren’t as perfect as they seem- a seventh sibling, hidden abuse, fear and pain that none of the public is privy to.

although we don’t see luther’s mission, we still hear it. ben’s death is talked about and alluded to, most obviously by the fact that he is dead.

all of these missions they go on aren’t really missions, they’re more of a show. reginald wants to build confidence in his team, and build confidence in the public for them as well.

but ben’s death is assuredly at least somewhat a public affair. luther, the only member of the academy left, getting hurt on a mission would be hard to hide. all of these missions they went on as kids are facades, but when the hargreeves grow up the facade begins to drop.

and dark spots in the academy’s reputation are the narrative bane of reginald hargreeves’ existence. not only him, but all of the hargreeves.

we only see a snippet of viktor’s book.

we only see the first academy mission.

we only see what he wants us to see, will allow us to.

reginald hargreeves’ abuse still lives in very obviously in his kids and how they interact with the world around them and each other, but it permeates the show at the same time.

this is their story, and the show can’t get out from under reginald’s thumb anymore than they can, anymore.

okay well thanks for reading if you did i gotta fucking sleep. idk why i wrote this im pretty sure it does not make sense and i do not plan on editing it anytime soon. sorry op!!!!!! gonna go to bed rn 🔥🔥🔥

kind of interesting how we never really see the events of the hargreeves' "missions" as kids other than that first episode, but we do see the aftermath of them with both luther's unconsensual monkeyfication and ben being dead. someone better at media analysis pick this up please 🙏